The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 75 - The Past Times with James Fritz

Episode Date: May 16, 2024

Dave Anthony picks a newspaper from a day in history and reads it to co-host Gareth Reynolds. This week they are joined again by comedian James Fritz Redbubble Merch

Look, as you probably know, I travel a lot. Too much? Sure, sure, that's fair. And on the road, if I ever have a choice between a hotel or an Airbnb, I always go Airbnb just because it's better. So for instance, when I was just on tour recently, there were a couple nights where I had off and instead of getting a hotel, I would get an Airbnb because I could have a kitchen. I like a home way over a hotel.

There's just a little bit more of a personalized experience. So whenever it's up to me, I really always go with that just because it's better. Feels like your home, you just have more amenities. But also I recently started thinking like while I'm gone, can I turn my place into an Airbnb? And the answer is yes, it can be as easy as putting your place up and then having a little more scratch generated from someone staying at my place while I'm on the road. So whether you could use a little extra money to cover some bills or for something more

fun, your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.ca slash host. I have dollop tour dates to announce for the year 2024 of our Lord J town. We have our 10th anniversary show coming up in Los Angeles on April 27. Guests are Karen Kilgareff and James Adomian. And then we are going to Australia starting on May 13th in Perth, May 16th in Sydney, May 18th in Brisbane, May 20th in Canberra, May 22nd in Melbourne, and May 24th in Adelaide. You can get your tickets at dolloppodcast.com.

All right. Okay. Check, check. Don't do that. Don't do that. Making sure. No, it sounds good. Good check. Don't do that. Good check. Oh, yeah. So I do Good check. Oh, yeah. So I do click time. Yeah.

Yeah. Audio only. Yeah. What? What is this voice? It's kind of old, tiny guy and kind of valley. Yeah, it's called Old Valley. Old Valley. Yeah. I have a horrible ranch dressing. Check, check, of Valley. Yeah, it's called Old Valley. Old Valley. Yeah.

I have a horrible ranch dressing. Check check. Old Valley. Had the had the skunk skunk situation resolve itself. So, oh, we're out of the house about. A week and a half. Did you get I'm recording and get money back on rent at least. They said that we didn't pay the full rent is there's still a balance on our,

Jesus Christ. They're worth it. They're, they're insane. And that does, they're slumlords, but, and it's a nice place, but it was built in like the twenties. And so I, and then we had a nice place, but it was built in like the twenties. And so I, and then we had a, uh, dead carcass smell after the skunks and a rat had died in the crawl space. That's nice. They trapped in there after the skunks. Um, so they had to come and do that. And then the guy came and looked in there. We opened a drawer in like the hallway. Uh, we have like floor heating.

That's why it was so bad. It came up. Oh, yeah. It was like it happened in our house. And we open up this the draw this bottom drawer in the hallway. And it was there was literally like a just a hole to the underneath there. And he was like, oh, there's your problem. This house, you need a contractor to come in here. This house was built in the 20s. Oh, yeah, I just assumed

they did that before they rented it out in the 2020s. What would they have it tough? I mean, every time, every time when I live in a place that is built in 20s, every time they came to do work, they'd be like, oh, God, like one time, the guy opened the wall and he was like, um, the all the electrical was in like a tin can instead of like a electrical box. And that was like the whole house. They just find something. They'd be like, oh my God, how are you alive? Like constantly. When I ran into a place that was infested with bees, the guy goes, that

was a tree. That was a whole, it was a different time. But like my, my writing partner lived there before me and he had the fridge like outside of the apartment, basically on a landing. And I just brought it in, but there was so many bees. And when I told him about it, he goes, I wonder if it's because the fridge was out there. And I was like, what? And he was like, maybe that was attracting him.

And I was like, I think you probably need to get someone out here is where we're at with this. He was like, okay, I was like, yeah, I don't that's not try to scapegoat the fridge. Oh, my favorite thing was our idiot. She's the worst of the property manager because she's like a very confident moron. Yeah. And doesn't want to do it. But like the skunk fight spray happened at like 430 a.m. on like Thursday.

So we just had to like evacuate. And we were talking to her and she was like, were you having like, did you have like people over or were you playing like loud music? I just want to know what you did to like trigger to antagonize the skunk. Well, I'm like, what? Yeah. Well, yeah. How did you do this? Yeah. Yeah.

How did you do this? Right. I mean, the skunks are real tenants. Yeah. Don't bother them. Yeah. So that was the first and only time I've pulled the I'm a teacher card because I'm like, fuck you.

I wish I was partying at 430 in the morning still like I like the landlord that the skunks were like, you didn't tell us there were humans living out there. Right. Like that's crazy because now she's she's taken two rents in for the one space. And then we found out our landlord, we thought he was just like a lawyer level scumbag. Turns out he's also an international like rare minerals. He's a miner. Also, he's a blood diamond. Yeah, like, right.

I'm like, oh, he's a supervillain. Great. Oh, my God. It's exciting. You're hot. It's time. It's three to time. It's been three, two, one. Let's make them laugh. Welcome to the past times. It's a podcast.

We're finally doing it. You know what happens each week. We go through a newspaper from a random date in history picked out by none other than Dave Anthony. I, Gareth Reynolds, have never seen it and neither has this week's guest, James Fritz, the one and only return. Hey, Harry.

Hey, yo, what's up, boys? James, James, James. Just once, just once. No, no, no. I'll handle this how I feel fit. James, where can people follow you? What should people consume of yours? May we touch my flesh? Yeah, sure. I welcome any touching from anyone.

Yeah. Family binding. Oh, shit. You have to prove you're on the Patreon, the dollop page. Yeah, that's fair. Thank you for that. Yeah, I'm a team player. You know, find me at Fritz's dad on Twitter, Instagram.

Yeah, he really sells it. I'll let the comedy do the selling. You certainly do. You are hilarious and truly one of people's favorite guests. Yes. Oh, that's nice. So that's nice. So that's why I let them down.

All right. You should be a much bigger comedian, but you never will be. Thank you. Yes. Is it because I like genocide too much? You're a big fan. You love it. I go the other way.

That will work to some extent. All right, James. So you know how this show works. There's a bunch of coins in a jar. We're going to guess how many. Sorry. Sorry. I'm working on it. Sorry.

You know how this works. We get one behind Dave's back. No, no, no. I'm not doing coin jar. So just by the way, it's always more than you think. We're going to guess what what year this paper is from. And you know what, James, I've never done this before. This has never happened before.

I'm going to let you guess first. Wow. I hear about you. So that's so sweet. What a gentleman. Let's go. 1878. I'll do 1879. Please.

He's a sucker. You fucking. James was closer. It is 1890. Wait, but yes. And every other year. You guessed it. You guessed an odd.

Yeah. Don't think so. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. 1890 waits, but yes, even every other year. You guessed an odd. Yeah, don't think blew it.

That's how it works. Sorry. Back to Jarcast or whatever. Yeah, I mean, we're me and James went to MIT, so we know what we're talking about. That's a very disgusting name. It's pretty good, though. You can get your cast wherever you get your guessing podcast, by the way. Carney dot com. Yeah. Get the Carney app.

And yeah, that's a good spot. August 26th, 1890 birthday, not the 1890 part, but well, I expect gifts now, I expect gifts now that you know my birthday, not the 1890 part, but it's my birthday. I expect gifts. Now I expect gifts. Now that you know my birthday. I think James does one because he was closest. Yeah, mine's tomorrow. So is that true?

That is true. Why would I lie about my birthday? That's sick. Because Dave, okay. Well, I don't love what's, this is a very intense beginning. He's coming in hot. Yeah, I think he thinks that we're supposed to be like, thanks for doing it before. You're right. We're not those guys now.

Oh, I know. I know you don't think. I'm trying to start off like, you know, hot. And then people want to see a friendship develop over the course of. Yeah, it's called story. It's called story. It's called story. It's called narrative. Called that one, baby. It's right. Act like it in there. Yeah.

Memphis, Tennessee, the weekly public ledger. OK. Dave is frozen now. It's not just good acting. Oh, there am I. Now you're back. Sort of. Hi. My Internet connection is unstable is what this says.

But that's that's just who I am. Yeah, that's part of my jam. But it would be great if it was unstable. I was going to go there, but I was going to say a little bit better. That's why we pay premium prices. That's right. Thank you, Spectrum. Yep. Yep. No other choice. What's the deal? Yeah, thank you.. Thank you, Spectrum. Yep. Yep. No other choice. What you gonna do?

Yeah, thank you. I can only use Spectrum. Good word. I'm held hostage. So did you hear that? Memphis, Tennessee weekly public ledger. 1890, recorder's court. Long and tiresome docket this morning.

Squire Garvin and President Bethel both on hand for the usual Sunday drunks. OK, that's a football team. This paper is already fed up with it. Yeah. Talk about coming in with an attitude. Yeah, seriously. Calm down. Court open this morning, as usual, with recorder Gavin and President Bethel on the bench. A large docket of cases of small importance confronted them for disposition.

Alfred Turner for drunkenness and disorderly conduct was five, fine $10. His case being aggravated on account of threats to cut a woman with a knife. Whoa. I was just going to say what is disorderly conduct in the 1890s? But that feels like that feels fair. Yeah. I was expecting something cute with all the other cute old Chinese language. And it's like, he threatened to cut a bitch.

Yeah. So it's okay. Okay. John Thomas for a lot of people know this. John Thomas and English euphemism for cock. Go ahead, Dave. Both of them are just the two words, the two words together. You have John Thomas.

It's it means cock cock. Yeah. Yep. Have some respect. Yeah. Put a little bow tie on it. John Thomas for a plane drunk was given $2 plane drunk. You're just regular like not a stabby drunk plane drunk drunk drunk. I'm just a regular drunk. I'm just a regular drunk. I'm just a regular drunk.

I'm just a regular drunk. I'm just a regular drunk. I'm just a regular drunk. I'm just a regular drunk. I'm just a regular drunk. I'm just a regular drunk. I'm just a regular drunk. I'm just a regular drunk.

I'm just a regular drunk. I'm just a regular drunk. I'm just a regular drunk. I'm just a regular drunk. I'm just a regular drunk. I'm just a regular drunk. I'm just a regular works. Okay, here's the racism. John Douglas, a dilapidated one-eyed specimen of the African race, was arraigned on a charge of drunkenness and sleeping on the sidewalk.

There we go. That seems a little not fair. Yeah, I agree. I'll co-sign that statement. Yeah, that's not right. Yeah. Oh, the agree. I'll co-sign that statement. Yeah. Is that right? Yeah. Oh, the one-eyed former slave. Right.

Right. Yeah. I can't believe he's a little drunk outside drinking. He was just on a bench too. Yeah. Yeah. He pled in extenuation general disability to work and inability to resist the temptation of indulging in the flowing bowl.

I like that defense the best out of anyone that I've heard, obviously. Yeah. I'm it's that I'm unable to not indulge in the flowing bowl. Yeah, I also love that. This is like all these other like white guys are just like stabbing maniac morons. And those poor black guys never had any opportunity. It's like eloquent. Yeah. The. Flowing ball to the flowing bowl.

Flowing ball. They're like, that's the idiot. He's like an actual poet. Yeah. It's. Bukowski. It's called a bottle. Dumbhit. Douglas was discharged and warned to keep sober and off the sidewalk. Wow. I can do one of those.

Yeah. Yeah. One's happening. I walk in the street. I sleep in the street now. And I learned. Where are you supposed to be drunk? Yeah, right. Well, I would say probably indoors, but again, we're, we understand the precariousness of that order. Oh, listen, listen to big city and I think, Ooh, la la. That was my first run in with the law, to be honest, in college.

Yeah, you can't do that. Rules are rules, boys. Jesse Koystin for crap shooting was fined $10. He was one of a crowd of boys engaged in manipulating the Ivory's yesterday near the Memphis and Charleston Depot. There's a lot of slang in there. My God. What is actual crap shooting?

What is actual crime? This is all just like people except for knife guy. Everyone else is just hanging out. It's true. By the way, in 1890s, what I picture is like a lot of this stuff being fine, right? Deadwood lied to me. Yeah.

My guess is these are all black people. They're arresting. All right. In Memphis, Dave, do it. Groves drunk and on the sidewalk was fine. $3. Okay. So drunk on the sidewalk.

So just regular drunk is to sidewalk. That's going to bump you up a buck. Yeah. Stab. So then stabbing is to sidewalk. That's going to bump you up a buck. Yeah. Stab. So then stabbing. Not cool. Attempted stabbing as an extra five. Well, he didn't even attempt to do it.

He just said he was called a shot, which again, I don't think there's a crime in that. Yeah. What is this thought police? Yeah. I mean, honestly, I've done that a bunch. If you actually cut the woman, then the fine's only $8. Yeah, that's a different thing. Because then it's no longer a threat.

You know which woman he was going to cut. Yeah, specific. I thought it was going to be the constables matron. You know, I don't know any of these words mean the constable matrons next to the the flowing ball. So the flowing ball is a British sling for a woman's area for a vagina. You can say it. Say it.

Say it. I did. One vagina vagina. But vagina. I said it. You fucking weirdo. Thanks for listening, everybody. You still like me?

Liana Morris was charged with disorderly conduct and abusive language. Find $5. I'm waiting. Stab Stab Threatener got eight. Eight. Ten. Oh, yeah. Okay.

So this is half. Okay. So I guess it's if it's specific threats, then that is that's worse. Obviously. Just kidding. I'm just kidding. Oh, it's just kidding. Oh, yeah.

That's me. He mentioned as a goof. J.K. O'Hara charged with carrying a pistol was bound over to criminal court. Oh, wow. What the. Oh, here I got. Oh, here I got into a just just reputable, disreputable house last night on Market Square and became involved in a difficulty with an inmate of the house. In during the melee, he flourished a pistol and threatened to shoot the woman

when an officer was called in and placed him under arrest. He begged his honor to release him on account of his character. Here to for which he claimed was good, but he was bound over with that by I love that move. I'm good. I've never done this before. I'm a great guy. Well, you know what? Let him go.

Yeah, he's a hell of a guy. Everybody gets one. He said his father is a lawyer and the officers would pay. Here we go. The classic. That's the worst. My dad is a lawyer and the officers would go. Here we go. The classic that's that's the worst. My hands are the lawyer. Matt is a sheriff.

Kissing the fucking boot only to have it not work. That's the lowest of the low. Jack Martin, a young white mechanic, was arraigned on charge. Oh, white guy. Hmm. A white mechanic, though. Mechanic, though. Hold on. Was a rain on a charge of illegal cohabitation

with a Negro girl under the age of consent. Well, oh, the large list in that one. I had a joke ready and then it becomes statutory and. Go for it. Yeah, no, I think I'm going to pull the punch, honestly. Oh, it gets better. Oh, no. He was released upon proof that the girl's reputation was unsavory and that she was a streetwalker.

Oh, my God. And she was fine. Ten dollars. Oh, my God. That's the same as a stabbing fee. I mean, the law works. The law works. Let it cook. Oh, my God. Oh my God. Oh God. Oh, that's what a ride.

Yeah. Sally Thomas, Will Thomas and Andrew Jackson were arraigned for disorderly conduct. Jackson, who was drunk, claimed the ownership of a pair of shoes and took possession of them that belonged to Will Thomas. He was fined $10, and the others were released. Well, this $10 fine is quite a ceiling. Yeah, they got into a lot of stuff at 10 at the $10 tier. Shoot.

I'm going to stab that woman. I took loafers. You both are equal in the eyes of the law. And so is this woman that has been pent out since she was a child. Wait, why? I'm a child. Here's a guy who wasn't fined. A.W. Salisbury for drunkenness and disorderly conduct was taxed. Three dollars.

Just different ways to write off. Yeah, it's a yeah. He got a right. Yeah, he can write. Yeah, he's a write off. Like you. All right. Turner and Isaac Pruitt, Joe Evans and Robert Boone each got $10 for disorderly conduct and abusive language. These black tufts.

Mm hmm. Mm hmm. It's the it's the it's the 1890s thug. Yeah. Right. It's yeah. Yeah. Yep. These black tufts were arrested yesterday on Beale near Main Street by Officer Wolf at the instance of Mr. Jack Wright, who, while walking along with his wife, was crowded off the sidewalk by them and insulted.

If Bill Street could talk. Honestly, it would be like girl, get over here. That'll be $10. You've been fined for walking while black. Yeah, Memphis in 1890 turns out not great. No, yeah, weird. All the absorbing topic of conversation in the city is electricity. Wow. I would get I get that.

Is that a metaphor? Like it's electric. ACDC is coming to town. Yeah, ACDC is coming. I think they're really excited about electricity. Can you imagine, though? I would be losing my fucking mind, dude. It's how I feel about AI.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're all you're a buzz. I love that. I know that. Yeah. I'm a big AI guy. Oh, Dave's here. Well, the thing is, you like it's not going to take you just use it as like a building as a tool. Yeah. As long as you stay. I'm not going to worry about like no charge of it.

Yeah. I mean, the culture will never be dumbed down even further. We're just using it as a tool. Yeah. And it's going to be good. And even though you read stories about how it's outsmarting humans, that's a few and far between. That's fine. How it's replaced, you know, 80% of the jobs. That's fine though.

Just a tool. That's fine. It's, it's just good to see the, the capitalists jerking off like monkeys cause they can get rid of artists. It's a tool. That's fine. It's it's just good to see the the capitalists jerking off like monkeys because they can get rid of artists. It's totally normal. It's awesome. For it's even more it's even close to being able to do that. They're like, oh, they can't wait. Oh, God.

If you want more of our dream, if you want more of the country to get rid of AI, I would just refer to it as an immigrant. I feel like then that would be a D.A.D-A-D-A-I. Yeah. Oh yeah. D-A-A-D-A-A. Yeah. What? There it is.

Okay so all the absorbing topic of conversation is in the city's electricity. The people are anxious to know if this power is going to be substituted for mules on the street railway system. Never. is going to be substituted for mules on the street railway system never and as the petition to make such substitution has been before the city fathers for several days it seems about time for them to indicate which way the wind is blowing never replace mules definitely that guy was like you're telling me they're gonna make a mule that runs on wires? I don't think so.

The final and greatest achievement of the human endeavor. I've lived long enough. And I dare you. Yeah, I'm gonna. Imagine a better world than mules. Wires ain't gonna come and take our mules. Can I hold you up in my barn with an electricity. What are we going to ride a pile of wires? What's next? Electric mules.

I scoff in your general direction. By the way, I'm going to stab you. Why? Oh, I got to go. All right. That's 10 bucks. Apologies. Unless you're named after a steak. Yeah. Then it's just a fine. A fallen monarch. Oh, that's like, oh, Joe Tansy.

Once a champion, the pugilist is a fugitive from justice. He's a fugilist. Fuge. Oh, get out of here. OK, thanks, guys. Muse Muse will never be. The mules will not replace us. What do you say? Will not replace be. The mules will not replace us. What do you say? Will not replace us.

The mules will not replace us. The king has fallen. Joe Tansey, the champion slugger, the pride of West Memphis is a fugitive from justice. Joe was once a bad man. He whipped Al Burke and came near killing Jack LeClair. Two men who are 20 pounds less weight than himself. Two men who are 20 pounds. Oh, this is when all the boxers were white still, right?

Yes, that's right. Yeah, these names are great. Yeah. Jack LeClair. Yeah. Oh, sounds sounds mean. Ace Kish. This gave the slugger a case of big head and telling me a case of big head like ego or he got like a swollen.

I think it's I think he's a little stuff. He's allergic to it. He's been swelling up. You know, eating all them fruits. Let me let me let me. I'm still good. I'm ready. I mean, there's a little bit of your big head is real bad today. I don't think you should fight. I think it'll be fine. It's a lot of questions.

There's a lot of questions. Oh, it'll be mostly fluid coming out of every punch. She she she she hang out. Oh, I got pillowhead. So I go pillowhead. Sorry, go ahead. This gave the slugger a case of big head until he met a countryman down in Fort Pickering who whipped him in a rough and tumble fight. Wow. This made him sick.

And he returned to West Memphis. Here he was not heard of for several days, but finally showed up at a poker game where Pat Gleason was pictured as winning his pile of dust and breaking his face with a beer glass when he objected and said the game was a brace. I mean that honest to God, that is quite a run of a sentence there that there's he broke his face. I love dust. He lost because he called him a cheater, right?

That's what happened. And then the face with a bottle broke his face, broke his face. The slugger has lost the sluggers, lost his reputation and went to win Arkansas to run the town. In a few days, he was locked up. Why charge to run the town? I think probably just to like maybe gambling wise. OK, yeah. Put a put a bit more like welcome. run the town. I think probably just to like maybe gambling wise. Okay. Yeah.

Put a bit more like welcome beat up insane stranger. Would you like to be our mayor? Yeah, that's a bad right. Mayor big head. Real bad cut on your face. A man would have bottled it to it. Anyway, what is your election season? In a few days, he was locked up on the charge of robbing a store of $50 in cash.

We can't get his head through the bar, sir. On account of his position, he was given the star chamber on the second floor. Last Thursday night, Tansey, tired of the confinement, jumped out of the window and escaped. Why is there just a window? And why is that? This guy rules. Why do they have a window? And why is that? This guy rules.

Why do they have the like lounge for? Oh, I'm sorry. Please let us take you to the Downey Jr. Suite. This guy is like one of those like lesser known like eight or 11 minute Bob Dylan story songs. Oh, my God. He went down jumped out of the window and it ends. Here comes the story of Pillow Face. A guy, whenever he was trying to run that place,

he felt like his life was in hell. So he jumped out of the window at a second store sale. So he is now dodging. That was good. He was now dodging the officers and will not likely get in there. Show up here for considerable length of time. Wow. Oh, yeah.

Well, that's a good story. So I want to see how this guy ever got back in the ring. Oh, yeah. I'm obsessed with the Bob Dylan song about this guy now. I would do this guy now. I'll do that. Sorry. Yeah. Look, as you probably know, I travel a lot too much. Sure. Sure. That's fair.

And on the road, if I ever have a choice between a hotel or an Airbnb, I always go Airbnb just because it's better. So, for instance, when I was just on tour recently, there were a couple of nights where I had off. And instead of getting a hotel, I would get an Airbnb because I could have a kitchen. I like a home way over a hotel. There's just a little bit more of a personalized experience. So whenever it's up to me, I really always go with that just because it's better.

It feels like your home. You just have more amenities. But also I recently started thinking like while I'm gone, can I turn my place into an Airbnb? And the answer is yes, it can be as easy as putting your place up and then having a little more scratch generated from someone staying at my place while I'm on the road. So whether you could use a little extra money to cover some bills or for something more fun, your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.ca

slash host. A mad race about six. The white ghost could go either way. Yeah, the white. Yeah. About six o'clock yesterday evening, the patrol wagon containing a Mrs. a Mr. Bob Lee and Harry Cassell was seen to make a sudden bolt from the police station

at a rate of speed that threatened death and destruction to wagon and passenger alike. Harry Cassell occupying the driver's seat made a frantic endeavor to restrain the frenzied steeds. But in vain, on they rushed in their mad career to Adam Street, down Adams to third, down Third to Union, finally ending their wild race between a telephone pole and a country wagon. That sounds like a horse race broadcast a little bit. Yeah. Down to Third, and they've hit a pole.

Moving down to Third, going down to Third, And they've had a poll. Moving down there to go down there to that head pole. Just as the madly rushing horses turned the corner of Third Union with a sweep that lifted the vehicle from feet in the air, Bob Lee, who had been holding on with a grip, suddenly lost his balance after having made an aerial ascent of some 20 feet or more above the heads of the bystanders. Wow. He came in contact with the granite stones on the street. Oh, my. Oh, Christ.

They thought that could be heard from some distance. Now, this guy's a writer. Yeah. Yeah, it is. Yeah. Usually they're terrible, but this. Yeah. 20 feet is seems extreme. I mean, that is quite a distance. It's pretty high, but the sound, I mean, you got to go by the sound. You can measure the right how high he was off the sound of the foot.

That's right. Yeah, it's like rings on a tree except for skull fragments in a head. Yes. Shake him. He's like a maraca. Upon examination, he's a rocket. Throw him in the chair. No, no, no. Well, we may as well just to be safe. Yeah. Upon examination, it was found that in hitching up, they had admitted to put the bits in the horse's mouth, hence the catastrophe.

Is that what happens if you don't put a bit in the horse's mouth? I guess. What? I can't be right. Wait. They didn't put the bit in the horse's mouth. And then the horses were like, fuck it, let's go. Maybe maybe they can't make them like, oh, stop. You make them slow and what they do like, like they put the thing around the head but didn't like put the bit in the mouth.

So then so they're pulling the horse. It's just like, do do do do. Yeah. Fuck that. This is going great. This is the best ride. I don't know. I had it a lot. Yeah. Anyone who puts that in your mouth, I would try to kill the second I had the chance. Sure. Very painful. By the way, that'll be ten dollars. I know.

Um, there was no serious damage done, however. And when last seen, horses and drivers were going peacefully on their way to Citizens Park. I guess he was fine. Going. OK. Yes, he was fine. They said the drivers went on. No, no, let's not spoil a day in the park. This was just how it was back then. Like 20 feet in the air. You keep going. That's right. People were tougher back then.

We didn't have safe spaces. Yeah, go ahead. We've got. Yeah, we didn't have pronouns like everyone. No, we didn't have any. We didn't need them. OK, all right. Keep going. We would just point and grunt at each other. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. People knew who they were talking to. And if they did, you'd get a bottle in your face and they twisted around.

And that was a weekend. Society was like if everyone was Tim, the tool man, Taylor. All right. And you would narc on your best friend and then the jail for 40. Oh, man, that was an incredible one. Thank you. Wow. That's like the one at the end of the credits. Are you? No, no, no. I could do.

I could do voice comedy. I could do impressions. I choose not to talk about the real issues. I say you call me a hack because I am. You're calling you a hack. Yeah. Why would you call yourself that? I'm trying to make friends with everybody and I'm trying to love yourself. You're not a hack.

Good man. Well, now you're stealing. Shit. You good, Matt? Well, now you're stealing shit. Yeah. Annie Reynolds and Margaret Seward, two white women, were arrested yesterday for stealing a marble figure from the rotunda of Duffy's Hotel. Oh, classic white woman crime.

Yeah, I like that they have to. The Winona writers are there, right? Yeah, right. Yeah. They got to be like, hey, this crime is committed by whites, everybody. Right away. So out of the way, like before you get upset, they're white women. Oh, OK. The readers are taking the new unnusening the rope. Yeah. All right.

Now that I hear the race, it's a bit of a sorority prank. Girls being gross. Girls are just having fun. Go ahead and denounce that, Jimmy. Yeah, go ahead. Why don't we just have some that are no starred in the summer? Shut up. And you can't make a proper news unless you're reading the paper angry.

That's right. The figure represented a weeping Cupid. So they took a marble, Cupid, but they took a weeping cubid marble statue. Sure. The women, the women got stuck on him and carried him off. So they were just super into it and they took it. They must have had a lot of friends that would do something.

Yeah, totally. I was probably like, let's put this in Frank's yard. The guy who researches a lot of these first burns when he and I were in college, we were walking down the street shit faced and someone in Boston had clearly run off the road and hit a mailbox. Like one of those big blue ones. And we picked it up and took it up to my apartment. Yeah.

And stayed there for like a week until we just a federal crime. That you're getting to. Yeah. Yeah. Let's stay there for like a week until we just a federal crime. Yeah. Yeah. You're getting to. Yeah. Well, hey, follow me at Fritz's dad. Wait, that's is that what I said? All right. All right. I'm this I'm I'm Gareth. I'm stupid. I'm not. Maybe that's fine.

That was good. OK, I got the one. I'll work on more impressions. Run in the vagis. Pardon? What? Run in the vagis. OK. OK. Is that is that an order? Get back to the paper. Honey, get in here.

Dave wants me to do something on cam. So I'm running the budget. A worthless thieving gang, both white and colored, who should be handled by the law. Boy, yeah, there are several hundred of vagrants. They're talking about vagrants. Oh, OK. Right. Right. Right. They're talking about vagrants. Okay. Right. Right. Right.

Idiot. Let's do it the other way. Let's do it. The other. There are several hundred vaginas in Memphis. Yeah. Breaking news. Black and white.

Running together. In unity. Or as we've often said, our greatest fear. Yeah. Lose vaginas of all races and creeds running together in the streets. We're going to every man to show up every man. No problem. There are several hundred vagrants in Memphis who should be made to go to work or be run

in. I just be running. I always say that this is literally what's going on today in L.A. This is what the Supreme Court's deciding. Oh, exactly. All the almost camps like. Oh, yeah. Did you see the one lady who spoke was on our.

Yeah, that was great. One lady who spoke in favor of making it illegal to be homeless. Yeah. Worked for. Oh, it's absolutely the craziest thing to try. It's like I really cannot wrap my head around the idea of that. Like, come on, enough. You had your fun getting a home. Well, yeah.

And the economy's great. I mean, this is great timing to introduce your little street rum springer. Now go back to your man. She only went to camping and enough city camp. And we know you love it. Call your parents. Call your parents and tell them to buy you a house like we did. Enough.

Otherwise, why are you here? If you can't buy your house, you're a bit fun. Okey dokey. Major Pettit ordered the police to run in the bags and for a time they made it lively for them. But a policeman has too much to do to arrest every vagrant he runs across. So why can't the deputy sheriffs do part of this work? That's the that's the audit.

Yeah, go ahead. They're like, oh, so so the cops are supposed to round everybody up. That's what we're doing here. Why don't we bring the sheriff's in around them? This is literally Los Angeles. It's disgusting to make it. The cops are supposed to arrest every vagrant. They won't be able to get the sheriff's involved.

We need the National Guard like this. Let's make it make sense. We need to fund the police more so we can hire more cops. That is the difference is that now it's like they we've heard these cries from the 1890s. So we're like, we do need more cops to arrest all these homeless people and increase their budgets. Yeah. Yeah. That'll help solve it.

There is Bootle in it for them and they have the authority to do it. Bootle's cash, cash, cash. Oh, like the whole kit and caboodle. Yeah, I think so. Yeah, I don't think so. All right. Uh, around every tough saloon and a great many of the principal street corners, large numbers of this class hang out. They beg, steal or gamble for a living and are no account on earth. They're a constant source of annoyance to the police

and though some have been arrested and are now on the rock pile, there are several hundred left. Now is the time for the county officials to get in their work and supply the workhouse with big able-bodied men to work the roads with. Anna Kasparian said that. Anna Kasparian. You're listening to the young Turks.

Welcome to the old Turks. It really is shocking that it's like the only thing that's really changed is the technology. Yeah, completely. That's exactly that. That's straight out of today. Straight out of today. Why can't we put them in these work camps out in the desert? I don't want to see them.

I was in a my kid was playing on a football team, like football thing, and talking to a bunch of parents is just a circle. And someone brought up the homeless problem. This was like four or five, maybe six years ago. And one of them is like, yeah, we should that idea to like put them in like a camp out in the desert. Like I and that idea.

I think that's a good idea. And I and then they let it go off a bit. And then I go, you know, those are actually called concentration camps. Like that's a legal definition of. Well, I think they would be able to focus. Oh, I see. They got really quiet. I just think work will set them free.

I mean, is that so wrong? Well, I mean, people act like you're not fulfilled if you're forced to gunpoint into telemarketing. Oh, shit. We're not a good nation of people. Now the best nation of people. That's what I meant. That's what I meant. Not a good one. A great one. The greatest one. The greatest one.

James, a great one, the greatest one, the greatest one. Blabbergasted him. A man's ghost appears a few hours after his death. Oh, fuck, yes. This is there we go. All right. All right. Let me just crack the old knuckles. I think we got a little comedy coming our way. On Friday noon, Edwin Russell,

a prominent real estate broker, who was at one time president of the British bank at Portland, Oregon, died of apoplexy. Three hours later, his ghost appeared before Harry Reeves, leader of St. Luke's Choir, of which Russell was a member. It was while he was arranging music for Sunday's service that the apparition appeared.

Reeves relates his experience as follows. I went to my room and lay down on a lounge. Then by an impulse I cannot account for, I walked to the door. The head of the stairway was somewhat dimly lighted, but not so dimly, but what I could at once see, what appeared to be the figure of Russell. Not really helped, like two sentences of that

could have gone immediately. This guy's not the level of storyteller as that other guy. No, no, not at all, yeah. It was so real, so lifelike, that I at once stepped forward and stretched out my hand and was about to speak some words of welcome. The figure seemed to have a roll of music in one hand and the other hand was over his face

But it was Russell's image. What I face was covered. Oh, but it's Russell's see through it. I Can see through yeah, you can probably see through the hand. I don't know about this. I don't I don't this is like Question you do just agreed like, yeah, the head's transparent. Obviously. Yeah. His ghost hand is see through. Right. But if his face is see through, does that make sense? Because it's all this. You know, Gareth and I always have this argument.

I ghost do not wear gloves. I've said it a million times, but that makes a I think they all have. And that makes a ton of sense. What about Butler ghost? You know what? Don't stop. She's a real Butler. Ghost. Do you know what I mean?

I don't even know. And to be quite honest, no, I don't either. Anytime something sounds like butter face. I like to make a joke. Oh, cancel myself out of your hand. Is a real butler hand. Yeah, everything's visible. Butler hand. What?

I mean, I. Yeah, always. As I advanced to the head of the stairway, the figure seemed to turn as if about to descend and faded into air. I remember trying to speak to it, but my tongue clung to the clung to the roof of my mouth. And then I fell against the wall and gasped out. Oh my God.

Wow. Wow. You should have just called this a little article. I'm a big pussy. Yeah. Didn't didn't handle it great. Obviously. Yeah.

It's your friend. Also, it's your buddy. Yeah. It's your friend. Also, it's your buddy. Yeah. It wasn't like a demon. It's like the story when I saw a shadow. Right. Yeah. Yeah. And I swallowed my own tongue and then screamed, oh, my God. Scream. And then I retired to my bed, my swooting couch. Yeah. Yeah.

Um, that was a bummer. That was a bust of a ghost story, by the way. Well, there's more. My sister and you know, I know, no, it's on me. It was the telling. It wasn't the one. No, no, it wasn't. Dave, one more time with a little bit of this guy's like, I saw it.

I didn't saw it. It was a little dark. He, I saw it. I didn't saw it. It was a little dark. He had his hand up. I didn't say shit. I want to know what's on the music. He was like, better set list for Sunday. And your kids are going to you. You might not like it, but your kids are going to love.

The kids are going to love it. My my sister and niece with other folks came up and my niece said, Uncle Harry, what's the matter? And I went on to explain what it was, but was so scared I could hardly speak. And my niece said, but you know, Russell is dead. Well, that flabbergasted me. It only made matters worse. And I nearly fainted. This makes no sense. I don't think he knew he was dead. This makes no sense. This makes the first part of this then makes no sense.

So the first part, the first part, he's like, he sees him. He's like, he should be like, come on, detective. You got to get him. Yeah. Okay. All right. Give me that. Give me that.

Okay. Welcome to ghost PD, idiots. Okay. So he sees him and he's like, huh? But he simply didn't know he was dead. He'd be like, hey Harry, what's going on the lighting in here is weird but instead he was like And then he's like I saw Harry and then his niece is like Harry's been dead for three hours. He's like Come on, what's thisprised and scared by everything.

It might be. My friend at the top of the stairs. You're waiting. Oh, my God. My knees. Another ghost. I'm not a ghost. I'm not a ghost. Sheet music.

My dinner. Whoa. The. I guess the. So you're flabbergasted. I'm flabbergasted. Oh, shit. What? Flabbergasted this Sunday on Fox after the Simpsons easily happen.

Yeah, that's not bad. That's not bad. They're like fat ghosts. They're like fat ghosts. This saunterer. The girls at Newport are doing a sensible thing, says a Boston Herald writer, they're fixing a more agreeable code of manners and doubtless the effect will spread and reasonable celerity throughout the land. That is classic Boston take.

Men have accused women of being so frightfully artificial. Now the fad is to be natural. There will be less of this mealy-mouthed, laxadaisical, don't know what naughty means style of girl. Oh my God. Oh, hell yeah. For a minute you're going like, oh, that's kind of cool. They're like, be yourself. of cool. They'll be yourself

I don't need to be someone else, you know, like Shut the fuck up figure out the salad fork, you know be you Wow When a woman means leg she will say it as the English do What does that mean? Well, I have no idea. I hear Gams one more time. Yeah, that's what it means. They have the word for leg and he doesn't like it. Yeah. Say what you mean.

I can't figure you bitches out. That's what it is. I feel like it's just in cell shit. Yeah, right. Yeah. It's it's in social. Yeah. While talking to a young lady of Memphis about naturalness in women, she remarked that the average Memphis girl had but little affectation.

And in speaking of women generally, she said, quote, "'You men have proposed to build a hedge about womanhood. And in this enclosure, you have thrown us a number of harmless and inoffensive playthings in life. We have come tired of our dolls and have broken through this hedge at different points and come in contact with reality. In other words, women know and acknowledge to their male friends that they know. So she's.

You know, what are you talking about right now? Yeah. What are you saying? We put you in a house and give you stuff. Dude, there's no hedge. What are you talking about? That's crazy. What is a whisper network? We should be worried, dude.

They got a whisper network. They got a whisper network. Watch out. Say what you mean. Yeah, enough. Yeah, come on. Quit talking about hedges that don't exist. The last performance is another story that OK.

The last performance at East End was to some extent marred by an unfortunate and apparently unnecessary incident. Deputy Sheriff George Powell at the instance of Miss Bechtel served in attachment upon the goods and chattels of 10 of the chorus people Saturday at 145. What does this mean? I don't understand. Would you just stop talking fucking lady and give us the straight dope dude. Say what you mean.

What are you talking about? She has seized their goods. She's seized their possessions. Okay. Well, I see some too. What's the big deal? Say what you mean. They're not here anymore.

These chorus people boarded with Miss Bechdel and it seems that the landlady was uneasy asked their last week's board bill. So they're staying with her and she's like, trust me. And they were at the park at the time of the service of the attachment. And the deputy boarded a dummy and. Hide hide him out there to either summons or settle. OK, so the cop sees the shit and he was like, you, we have it. I'm sure you pay up. You pay.

That's what I know the dummy. With dummy and hide, whatever dummy and hide is. Oh, dummy and hide was vaudeville group. Yeah. Yes. Yes. One was an evil man. Yeah. Yeah. I know. That was Jack. Yeah. Well, definitely. I were a duo.

They stood on and I would be an amazing dude. No, I don't know what my potion is, but I don't know. I probably take a sip of it through my curly straw. That's right. That's right. No, I don't know what happened last night, but the lab is trash. My hands are hurting. I'm so tired.

You would like me when I turn into a dummy. Yeah, it's a lot to deal with. Really stupid. Why is everyone standing around with pitchforks and you're so it's because you're so annoying. You're so dumb. This is crazy. Jesus.

It's going to turn evil again or what? That's the evil guy. Oh my God. Look at this dumb motherfucker. Oh my God. I meant to eat my chicken, but I ate my buddy. Sometimes dirt chicken look the same. And here's the song about it.

I went once. Chicken. One of them is dark. Wow. Draft one. Yeah, that was. We got to hit hit number two. Hitraft one. Yeah, that was that we got to hit. Hmm. Hit number two. Hit number two. So Mr. Fish.

I'm our ghosted number one. I guess Mr. Fish was settled and the attachment was discharged. But the members of the troupe felt quite indignant at the course Miss Bechdel had pursued. And many were and many were the shots fired at the landlady during the performance. Oh, shit. And then then they said shit about her during the show. Wow. And it's a chorus. They were singing. They must have been singing fucking.

Wow. Miss Bechdel's conduct in this matter, it seems, was not dictated because of any suspicious. I can't act committed by any of the opera singers, but because of former experience, she'd been taken in before by some professional baseball and show people. And it was out of abundant. Precaution former baseball people and show people. Yeah.

And show people. That's the that's not sleep on show people. They call the big show eat Eat out of your gloves. What baseball people here, ma'am? Would you like some ice cream and a little helmet? This is the tradition that could carry on with baseball people. It was out of abundant precaution that the attachment was obtained. It further appears, according to the singers, that their board

was not ethically due until yesterday. Oh, so they weren't even behind on it. Oh, wow. Oh, gosh. But Miss Bechtel seemed aware of the law that provides for the payment of debt falling due on Sunday on the Saturday proceeding. Fucking landlords. What is that? Yeah. Fuck. Honestly, that's like a troll.

It's like Rumpelstilts. It's fucking ancient paper is just every everything that makes me mad now. I know. Yes. Yes, of course, it's due on Sunday, but it was the Saturday preceding the Saturday of Fortnite prior. Have you not read the fine print? Sure, it's different of every town.

I thought to get you out of this one. Ancient paper. Yes. Yeah. Uh, the singers claim that her action has injured them very much. And indeed, doubtless, it has for the publicity ever attended upon the seizing of the property of the theater. People reaches far. Hotel people learning theater. People. Hotel people.

Theater people, hotel people, show people, business people, show people, baseball people, theater people, hotel people, show people, business people. So show people, baseball people, theater people, hotel people. We're all just people, man. Why do we put up these walls, man? These are people, people. These people are the worst kind of people. They'll be the first to go to jail. Don't worry, we'll get them. We need the police people here. Hotel people learning that such an attachment has been issued will regard the troop with suspicion

and perhaps either refuse to board them or continue after Ms. Bechtel's way and put them to much annoyance by hasty and premature legal means. It really sounds like how a child would describe groups. They're the baseball people. They don't get along with. They're hotel people. They don't get along with the theater people. They don't like the theater people.

So this is basically a landlord putting a black mark on your credit. Yes. That's what it is. For no reason. Vile shit. Because you're theater people. Because you thought you'd move to Memphis and make it in show business. Well, guess what?

It's a pretty gutting business people, business people. Yeah. Another group. But it is like everything about them is there's no people like business people. I think constantly you're like, man, it's so bad now. But then you're just like, it always whoever these systems that we're still dealing with have been in place for so fucking long. Yeah. The only difference is now the rich people, people.

I've just had so many generations of like exponentially piling on their wealth that they're figuring out ways to sort of, you know, prepare for the people people to be fighting back, which right. It's pretty cool. Yeah, it's pretty dope. I love it. And I moved to LA to see a tank parked at a gas station.

A bloodthirsty young man. Let me guess. Yes, you're right. Oh, you said yes. Yesterday evening, Emma Harris, a woman living at Frazer's Crossing on the Chesapeake and Ohio Railroad, was in the city to secure a peace warrant for her brother, a bloodthirsty youth of 14 years. Whoa, what the fuck? What kind of? A hard 14.

What? Hi, I'm here to get some certification for my brother. He's a vampire. He came out of 13 a nightmare. Yeah. Adolescence. Am I right? He drained my mother of all of her blood.

Anyway, you know how pubes are. Yesterday morning, the young ruffian whose name is Bud Jackson, endeavored to behead his little sister with a hatchet. Whoa, bud. Easy, bud. Easy, bud. Hatchet people. Bud, but easy, but easy, but hatchet people. But Jackson is a great like, but it's a good murder name. And it really is.

Everyone else's name is a little flounder. But Jackson came to town. Yeah. He just beheaded his sister. He's a little team. Yeah. You know, get teens. Yeah. He'll probably end up being a baseball person. The ode of Bud Jackson. Yeah. I got, get teens. Yeah, he'll probably end up being a baseball person. The old of Bud Jackson. Yeah, I got another more Dylan.

That's more Charlie Daniels band. Yep. Wow. It's tough. His mother interfered and struck. But what's wrong with her? Yeah, I don't know. The kids hatching it out.

Yeah. Who didn't fight with their sister with a hatchet? Come on. Good Lord, interfering. Yeah, your dad is like, get down the family hatchet and settle this with your sister. There you go. Well, then, Ma, why did you give me a hatchet? She struck butt over the head with a glass bottle. Oh, she's ring. OK, I see where it comes from.

Yeah. Yeah. We're like this all the time. Didn't bottle shivering. OK, I see where it comes from. Yeah, yeah, we're like this all the time. Didn't start with Bud. No, no. Breaking beer bottles over their son like it's a bar fight. Shivering it into a thousand pieces and inflicting a deep cut upon the head of the Obster. Lobster boy. Now they. Oh, please, please be a lobster boy. Obsteparous, they have an R instead of a P.

Obsteparous, youth, which means like out of control, right? This is so enraged, the unnatural son that he swore to kill his mother. The unnatural son, damn, they are going all in on this. Yeah, they really are. To bud continued Oh God Hell's happening. Mmm Wow

Okay, go ahead sure at 11 this morning a horse bearing upon its back the person of a Husky in dusky dusky husky individual was so in case husky, what's dusky? You know, like kind of. It's a word probably racist. Well, oh, shit. Yeah, I didn't think about that. I'm going to look it up.

But then I'm probably not going to say it because it's so it's so dusky. Yep. OK. Yeah, we're back. When in doubt, the past has brought to my legal zoom. Go ahead, yep. OK. And we're back. When in doubt. The past has brought you my legal zoom. Go ahead, Dave. It's right. Was seen coming up. I guess.

Oh, it's probably. Oh, right. I forgot that every adjective you use in this time. Yep. Anything with a shade. You're like, probably not OK. Yeah. Was seen coming up South Street at a speed that would have done credit to a proctor not. Oh, my God. So really fast. Yeah. Proctor not. Yeah.

Yeah. Proctor not. What do you know? Tell them what a proctor not is. All right. So let me walk you through this, simpleton. Okay. You know what a Knot is? Yeah.

Well, you know what a Proctor is? That's where. Yeah. What is it? I don't know. I'm still trying to figure out is it cake and now it's Proct or Knot. It's not cake. Dave, why don't you tell them? Because we talked about this this morning. Why don't you tell, is it cake? And now it's proct or not. It's not cake.

Dave, why do you tell them? Because we talked about this this morning. Why don't you tell them? It was. Well, you guys go over the stories before this facade. This is a screenplay we're working on. Go ahead, tell them the whole idea is to make you look bad. Yeah. Yeah.

We teaming up real nice and then we bring a guest down here. Yeah. Yeah. Elevate us. It's fun. I was not recording. No, that's fine. I don't need this. Yeah. Proctor Knot was a famous racehorse at the time. His dad was Hall of Famer Luke Blackburn. Is this true or is this another dollop lie? I got to tell you about the all of it.

Relu black. You're also a really great horse. Yeah. All right. Just as the two reached Main Street in front of a saloon owned by Mr. John Pettigrass, there was a sudden manipulation of the. Rast. Pettigrast.

Oh, rocker. There was a sudden manipulation of the. Pettigrass. Oh, rocker. There was a sudden manipulation of the horse's legs and the gallant rider, having made an aerial ascent of several degrees, came in contact with the ground with a force which promised serious damage to his anatomy. Wow. So much so much of news stories were just horses flinging people. Well, it's also the other guy went 20 feet flew into granite and was like, let's go for a day in the park.

So this guy has serious industry. I mean, I'm seems strange. His anatomy suffered. Bystanders rushed to the assistance of horse and rider. And finally they proceeded in their way, slightly disfigured, but still in the ring. Everyone goes, they all just keep what else are you going to do? I guess. Have you seen the hospitals? That's what we're going to take.

Yeah, we're going to take you to the doctor. No, no, no, I can walk it off. Fine. Just a bone. It's like, all they do is put the bit in your mouth. No, I feel good. I feel good. Actually, your brain. Now I like it like this.

You don't want to see the guys we gave the nickname saw bones about. No, my bones are great. One more. No. Yeah, we can do. You want to do one more? Yeah. No pressure. Here we go. Gotta make these guys like me, even though this yeah, we can do, you want to do one more? Yeah, yeah. No pressure.

Here we go. Ready? Gotta make these guys like me even though this is just a- We can hear you. Your mic is fully audible. Trick. They hate me. We can hear you right now, James. James, you're not loud.

Too desperate. It comes through. No, James, James, you've recorded. Audio. James. You can hear it in your voice. No, no, we can hear it. Not muted.

Not muted. Let's do it. All right. Okay, yeah. I love your pep talks. Yeah, yeah, we can hear you're not muted, not muted. Let's do it. All right. OK, yeah. I love your pet dogs. Yeah. Yeah. It's only audio. Lost a $30 straw hat and was badly scared during the war. Well, it's a ghost guy. The war. Yeah.

The Flavor Ghosted. My hat was here and now it's vanished. Ghost hat. I mean, the war was 26 years ago. So this is a story about a guy who was worried about losing his hat 26 years ago. This is the big finish. This is the big finish. But you know about the hats and stuff, James, right?

I know what hats are. Is that are you trying to make me look dumb? That's plenty. Go ahead, Dave. This is out of Chattanooga, Tennessee, a peculiar case. More like Hat Nougat. All right. Apologize to James. Apologize. We're brought to you by LegalZoom.

Keep going, Dave. We're fine. We're right on track. Counting that as an apology. OK. A particular case or cause of an application for a pension or for damages against the government will be filed from this county in a day or two. It appears that during the war, the would-be pensioner, then a boy about 13 years old, came to Cleveland on some errand for his father, who lived about three miles. Go to Cleveland and get me milk. That is a weird errand.

Memphis to Cleveland. That's not an errand. Go to Cleveland and give me some tobacco. What did you say? Son, we're out of butter. Get on your Cleveland clothes. Can you go get me a loaf of Cleveland sourdough? When you come back, you'll be in your twenties. Boy. I know there's a war happening, but I am just dying for a bit of Cleveland

lemonade. Do you mind walking to Cleveland from Chattanooga? This is the one guy who loves Cleveland more than Cleveland's guy. I visited there once. I mean, Memphis is cool. And all is all right. But when it comes to big city, I want Cleveland fudge. Hey son, before it gets dark, would you go to Cleveland and get some fudge?

Okay. Papa. Does it always have to be Cleveland? Yes. Hurry back. Have you always have to be Cleveland? Yes. Hurry back. Have you been to any other cities? You wasted precious Cleveland trotting time. Now get moving, boy.

Get to Cleveland. Cleveland shoes. The last ones broke through my Cleveland. We're walking on the Cleveland earth. Get another pair of shoes in Cleveland. They got the best shoes in Cleveland. Okay. Can I get it? Do you need a new bride?

I know mama left just because of your clean, but she was right here. You fucking weirdos. Yeah. All right. Ghost mom. Oh, no. On an all new flabbergasted. Followed by the review. The Simpsons are out before it. You go. Simpsons are out before it. I'm going to be a little bit of a little bit of a I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. This is in the paper matters before he could leave the city, a squad of federal soldiers dashed through the street and had a regular battle with some Confederate soldiers who were in town. Regular battle. That's like regular drunk or whatever they call it.

Yeah. Yeah. So regular battle. The boy made a bad. I had that was hard bad that was hard times. That was hard times. This is like four guys against three. They had a normal war. Remember the famous Cleveland battle in the Confederate War?

Yeah. They said it was quite pedestrian. A boy lost his hat. Oh, my God. He forgets about the papers. Yeah. So the boy made a break for his horse, mounted him and was off for home like the wind. Before he knew it, he was in the midst of the fuselage. Fuselage.

I can't read that. And although he reached home safely, he lost a $30 straw hat and has never been any account since. $30. That's pretty expensive. Artist rendering of what the hat could look like today. I can't imagine why a kid who's 13 would have a $30. $30.

Yeah. In 1890s. 1890. Got to be a thousand dollar hat. It's got a million dollars by the inflation. We've got Bitcoin. It's a it's a thousand dollars. That's crazy. He had a thousand dollar hat as a child. As a child.

Yeah. I wish you're basically your man back then. They didn't have. Yeah. I wish you 13. You're basically your man. Yeah, back then they didn't. Oh, yeah. Teenagers. How old he is. It was a wedding gift. Teenagers literally hadn't been invented yet.

Yeah. Yeah. This is my pension hat. Thirteen. Well, this is your midlife crisis hat. You're 13 now. Act now. You know how they are when they're halfway through their life. Ever since Suzanne and the kids left him. She's gone.

I don't know who that other lady was. He says he never feels like taking any exercise or getting up soon this morning and has no energy for anything. This is crazy. Don't like to work. And the trivies at all to the scary doctor. and achieve for anything. This is crazy. Don't like to work. And the trim is it all to the scary doctor. The battle. No, he lost his hat and he was never the same.

There was a thousand dollar hat. I get it. I never had anything worth. Hey, honey, that are you going to go to work today? I don't know. That hat still. My my savings was on my head. Don't you get it, woman? savings was on my head. That was 26 years ago. It wasn't just like yesterday.

Maybe we should go out and have dinner somewhere. Look honey, your love is great, but it's no hat. No, I know. Thank you. And our kids are beautiful, but I wish they were expensive hats. Hey mom, can dad come down to hug us? No, he's still lamenting the hat upstairs. Y'all y'all fancy hats yet?

I know. Just staring at a hat box. Where did you go? Every time she popped one of you out, I said to the doctor, tell me it's that hat. And when he said no, I barely kept living. All right. From a Jimmy, you ain't no hat.

He's like a hungry cartoon where everyone turns into a steak, but his kids are all hats. Why are you putting me on your head, Papa? Quiet hat. He feels confident that he will be pensioned under the last pension act. He thinks he's going to get a pension because he was running through a battle. Oh, my God. This is a fancy lad. Listen, I mean, this is a fancy lad.

Right. I mean, it's got to be a fancy lad. We found the fanciest lad. Yeah. He took a wrong turn during a war. He couldn't even like clock that a battle was happening. Well, I mean, he's got to be a fancy. We found the fanciest lab. Yeah. He took a wrong turn during a war. He couldn't even like clock that a battle was happening. Well, I mean, he just walked through it with his thousand dollar hat on his way to get the city chocolate or whatever. And he's never been the same. Oh, he came home.

His dad was like, you'll get over it. That was 26 years ago. This is the Elon Musk of his day. Wow. Well, strong ending. Well James, thank you for coming on again. Always, always so fun. You mean that's I didn't mean that.

Yeah. Yeah. I know you can do one more take and just really punch it up. What did you flex your arm muscles? I'm just trying to tell you to not fuck around. Oh my God. Look at his gun. You say it one more time, please. Look at his guns.

Say it one more time. First, our punch. Add his guns. All right, we'll take it. Fritz is dead on social media. What is what's your album? Let's go, man. Is so good.

Oh, the ancient album still together. Thank you. I say I got to get better. The album that just dropped six years ago, it's called Still Together. I like it. I still like it. You know, you're one of our favorites. You're one of my favorites. We thank you, James. And thanks for having me

just Venmo us for the appearance fee right it's still a one giant hat one hat a thousand oh look what you did you did hats off to you guys. Oh Christ. Some of these days You'll miss me honey Some of these days Look, as you probably know, I travel a lot. Too much? Sure. Sure, that's fair. And on the road, if I ever have a choice between a hotel or an AirBnB,

I always go AirBnB just because it's better. So for instance, when I was just on tour recently, there were a couple nights where I had off and instead of getting a hotel, I would get an Airbnb because I could have a kitchen. I like a home way over a hotel. There's just a little bit more of a personalized experience. So whenever it's up to me, I really always go with that just because it's better. It feels like your home, you just have more amenities. me, I really always go with that just because it's better.

Feels like your home, you just have more amenities. But also, I recently started thinking like, while I'm gone, can I turn my place into an Airbnb? And the answer is yes, it can be as easy as putting your place up and then having a little more scratch generated from someone staying at my place while I'm on the road. So whether you could use a little extra money to cover some bills or for something more fun, your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.ca slash host.