The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 81 - The Past Times with Sarah Tiana

Episode Date: July 5, 2024

Dave Anthony picks a newspaper from a day in history and reads it to co-host Gareth Reynolds. This week they are once again joined by comedian Sarah Tiana Redbubble Merch

And we're brought to you by Airbnb Canada. Listen, I'm on the road a tremendous amount all the time. My life is travel and I always go with Airbnb if I can just because you get a better experience. And my mother was in town recently and I ended up booking her an Airbnb instead of a hotel and she just had hip surgery. So I had to find a place that was very accommodating to her needs and found a place that she still talks about to this day. You know, like I've said before, I always like a home over a hotel. I call it a home tell. No, I don't. But I really like it. And she, like I said, she really, really appreciated it.

But recently I was wondering, like, while I'm gone, what about my place? Can my place pay in Airbnb? And the answer is yes. It can be as easy as putting your place up and then having a little more scratch generated from someone staying at my place while I'm on the road. So whether you could use a little extra money to cover some bills or something more fun, your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.ca slash host. All right, everybody. Welcome to the Past Times podcast. Each week we go through an old newspaper from a random date in history picked out by Dave Anthony.

I'm Gareth Reynolds, and I've never seen it before, and neither is our guest this week. Sarah Tiana. Hi, Sarah. Hi. Good to see you. Thank you for joining us. This is your second time, right? I think so.

I think I did it right. I think so. I think I did it right. I think I did it right. I think I did it right. I think I did it right. I think I did it right. I think I did it right.

I think I did it right. I think I did it right. I think I did it right. I think I did it right. I think I did it right. I think I did it right. I think I did it right. I, good to see you. Thank you for joining us. This is your second time, right? I think so. I think I did it really early on, right? Dollop guest.

Yep. Past times guest. You're back. You know the deal. You know, it's exciting. We should have people follow you on social media. You are at your name, which is Sarah with a H, Tiana. With a Tiana. Like Tiara, but with an N. Okay. Very funny. Also, if you enjoy sports, you follow Sarah.

I do a lot of Major League Baseball work. I'm currently also, I know you're in Massachusetts, Dave, I mean, Sexy Dave, Gareth. Thank you. I know that you're in Massachusetts, but I've been like really reading a lot about the Karen Reed trial. So while you're up there, just make sure that you take a game. I don't know anything about it. Should I do? Should I do that in my set tonight? Bring that up. You should definitely bring it up because it is literally it is like divided the country, but it's like 90 10, but the 10 are so loud and obnoxious thinking that she's guilty. So it's very fascinating.

She was like set up by all these cops. Like they think to say that she like somehow murdered her boyfriend, but they like didn't even do an investigation. And I hate to be this guy jump into the tent pool right away, but I always kind of take the guy's side in these sort of things. Is that crazy? It feels like cops are always, is he a white man? Uh huh. Yep. Yeah, cops are always kind of out to get.

Yeah, so I should have, that was strange. You would have told me if he wasn't a white man. Well, no, I'll bring that up. I'll divide the room. I like the sound of that. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Also, people should check out Sarah's specials, which are very funny. Oh, thank you. Sarah's got a great special. Yeah, it's called 44. It's on YouTube. And Sarah, do you know we changed the format? This is a prize show now.

The one of us will win and we get $50,000. Did you know that? I did not know that. Okay, just no pressure. Enjoy the show, but at the end, a panel of judges jump in. Look at that. Okay, so we now guess what year the paper might be from.

That might be new to you. So it could be 1600. It won't be. It could be 1700. It probably won't be. 1819 is what Dave favors. I'm going to guess and go first, because again, men are under fire in this country.

I'm going to guess that this paper is from 1951 and Sarah please have a guess yourself. I'm gonna guess that it's from Bridgerton. Lady Whistledown is now I'm gonna say I'm gonna say 1843. Great guess. Oh, Sarah was much closer. It is 1916. Much closer. I don't think-

Much closer. It's again, it always feels like- Much closer. 1915? 1916. 1916. Okay. Gareth guessed 1951, so much further off.

Is this World War I time? Yep. Yeah, I think it's just- Oh, so there was a first one. We were back to back champs, actually. That's goddamn right. Nice try, Germany. Yeah.

Coming at us twice. And then we lost some small tournaments after that. But now we're on a run of Slushfest. Yeah. Okay, all right, where are we? Where is this, where are we going, Dave? We are in Tarpon Springs, Florida. Oh, sorry. Tarpon Springs. Wow. Oh, Tarpen Springs.

Wow. Never heard of it. Is a tarpen one of those things that comes out of a, like a horn that comes out of your, like an animal? Like a tusk. A tusk. Like is that a? Not a manatee. I was thinking a manatee, but I know that's not, like a narwhal, you know, like the narwhal.

Yeah. I know what you did. Dave and I actually own a pair of narwhal. Yeah, I know what you did. Dave and I actually own a pair of narwhals. Yeah. We sponsor them. One's Dave, one's sexy Dave. A tarpon is a type of fish. Okay. Oh.

Yeah, so this is Florida, surrounded by water. Sounds close. I'm excited to see, I don't know about that, excited to see how Florida was by water. Sounds close. I'm excited to see, I don't know about that, excited to see how Florida was back then. See if we're getting some stuff. Because my guess is Florida is getting crazier every year. So back then they'll just be like, man jog. Well, let's see.

This is just north of Tampa. That's where Tarbans brings it. Okay. And this is Thursday, June 29th. Two men killed in shooting at surprise party. Oh, wow. Surprise. Wow. So it's Florida. Still Florida.

Always been Florida. So good. Ah. Well, this could go one of two ways. Yeah. This is either the guy getting surprised lost his mind and thought he was under attack or the people were like, he's really hard to shock.

Two men are dead. Frank Osborn, manager of the Skinner Farm and Pent Curl, employee of the Skinner Farm. Sorry. Pent Curl. Sorry. Pentacle. Sure. His parents just gave up halfway through naming him. They just didn't care. A pentacle is the tusk that comes out of an R wall. I'm pretty sure. That's right.

I'm sorry, I gotta jump in. I feel like Sarah is labeling most things as a tusk. No, she's right. Are you sure? Yeah. A pentacle, I'm pretty sure a pentacle is that. Okay. All right. Wow, so? Yeah, I'm pretty sure a pet girl is that. OK, yeah. Wow. So they both work for the same company and they both got shot.

This is already suspicious. You've been watching too much Karen read what's her name. I know, I know. I do read. I do listen to a lot of Dateline. But when there's a connection, I have that. I have a lady that lives in my house that does the same. So there's a lot of, can you believe? And I'm like, I have no idea what you're talking about. Well, women like true crime.

We don't love murder. We just like planning things. So it's really nice to watch people be bad at planning. Sure. Is that, oh my God. It's very rewarding. You said listen to Dateline. Yeah, I listen to it in the car, oh my God. Like very like rewarding. You said listen to Dateline. Yeah, I listen to it in the car,

like on the pod, they have a podcast. You're not the only podcast, Garrett. Like I, when I'm out of pastimes or dollopsies. Who was our last guest on the pastimes? I don't hear a big sound. Oh, it was Pint Curl. Cheers. You damn rat right it was.

RIP. My mom could tell me she listens to everyone and she has you guys' books. That's right. And I keep telling her I'm gonna get it autographed and then I'm like, but then I would have to see them in person. Yeah, they say that enjoying what we do

skips a generation. Your son's gonna love it. Oh boy, get ready. Pet Curl was instantly killed by a chance shot while Osborn died early this morning after lingering a half dozen hours with four bullet wounds. Four? Four.

That's intentional. That was, so this wasn't? Four. That's intentional. That was, so this wasn't an accident. That's not an accident. Four bullets, come on. Give me a huge whoopsy. Yeah. I'll shoot the first one out of him. Now shoot that missed one out of him too.

Yeah. Oh boy. Lord, poor Skinner Farms is really understaffed. This is more of like, this is more of a want ad for Skinner Farms. Which leads us to the job openings. Osborn's wife and children were visiting relatives at Blanton. Friends arranged a surprise party for last night. The guests included four auto loads from Tarpon Springs. Four auto loads?

So four full cars of... Car car? Four... Gareth. What? Four full cars of bros, I'm assuming. You're wrong too. Okay, four car full...

Among the latter was Cooper. Cooper is the shooter. Yeah, always. Oh, costable was Cooper. Cooper is the shooter. Yeah, always. Oh, Constable J.W. Cooper. Not just a high school student. Yeah, no. Sounds like it. Toward 10 o'clock, Cooper and several others

were beating on tin pans and buckets when Osborne requested less noise. Jesus Christ. So I'm gonna paint a picture now. So there's a cop who's shit faced and he's banging on pans and the neighbor's like, hey man, can you not do that? I'm sleeping. Is that why it's called the panhandle?

Dave answer quickly. I need you to apologize. It's called the panhandle because people have to beg for money there. Mostly from California. That's true. Has been subsidized their economy. Not.

Yes, she's right. She's totally right. All right. So a cop is banging on pots and pans and his neighbor kindly says, hello's right. She's totally right. All right, so a cop is banging on pots and pans and his neighbor kindly says, hello. Yeah. Hey, could you stop? That's the worst thing that can happen.

Little attention was paid to Osborne's request and he became emphatic in demanding better order. Cooper seemed to take the host's words as applying particularly to himself and began haranguing Osborn. Okay. Hot words were passed. Oh yeah. Hot words. That is really a phrase we should bring back. Hot words. Hot words. That could be a podcast. Yeah, Hot words.

Do we want to take on a third? Sarah, do you want to join us for a new podcast called Hot Words? Your mom's going to love it. Yeah, I'll be there. I'll be the third guest. You're checking all your mom's boxes. As usual. Hot Words, that's just like a kind way of saying bad words. I think so, yeah. Just a heated exchange. Yeah, I think so. Hot Words are what comes out of the horn of a narwhal.

Sarah, are you sponsored of a narwhal. Sarah, are you sponsored by Big Narwhal? What's going on over there? I don't even know if a narwhal is a real animal. I just know. It's real. Oh, it's real. It's a whale.

And by the way, delicious. Mm, so good. Okay. And they come with their own little stick, so you can eat it on a stick. Now there's narwhal burgersers, you ever been there? That place is great. Yeah, best.

Talking about hot words. Yeah. Osborn struck Cooper a blow, which knocked him over against the wall. As Cooper recovered, his feet both, as Cooper recovered his feet, both men drew revolvers and began firing. Okay, so they went straight for the guns.

It was one punch. Yeah, one punch and then just shooting. I'm 100% on the pent curl team. If someone's just banging on a pot. Yeah, no, no, there's there's. You should be able to shoot people banging on pots and pans at night. We rarely align, Dave, but here we are. Yeah.

There was a wild skirmish for safety on the part of the guests. One of the women having a little baby in her arms. Okay. Oh my God. That's, but this is classic Florida at this point. Tarpen. Yeah, come on, Tarpen. Jeez. Jesus. I mean, why is there a little baby at a party at night?. Tarpen. Yeah, come on, Tarpen. Jeez.

I mean, why is there a little baby at a party at night? At 10 PM. Florida, Florida. Yeah. When there's a cop around. Yeah, Florida. You're banging a pot. Yeah. The lights went out at the first shots,

adding to the hullabaloo. I didn't know that actually happened, so it clued out. Someone, I think someone hit the lights, right? Someone turned off the lights? By the way, is that someone assuming that's time for the surprise? Is it a surprise party? No. It is a surprise party, yeah.

So someone was like, places, right after shots were fired. Get ready. I think that's him. I think that's him. I think he's shooting. He loves an entrance. Why would you kill the lights right now? I guess to be like, stop shooting. I think that's him. I think that's him. I think that's him. I think that's him. I think he's shooting. He loves an entrance.

He loves an entrance. Why would you kill the lights right now? I guess to be like, stop them shooting each other. I guess so, yeah. I thought that they shot the lights out on accident. They turned them off? I think they turned them off because it says... I like that that guy's like ambiance.

Someone put on some tunes. Or maybe he accidentally shot like whatever, the fuse box or whatever, put it out, but they went out. Osborn dropped on the second round of shots, but continued firing until his weapon was empty. Curl, evidently fleeing the scene, was struck by a stray bullet behind the ear and he fell headlong through the doorway dead

And so poor pet poor pet was just running and he got Yeah, he bleed out from an ear. No, he got shot in the head behind the ear. Yeah. Yeah Your ears attached your head care. Not always not always It's kind of an always Not always, not always. Well, it's kind of an always. No, it's not. I've seen a bunch of- It's like Mike Tyson, it's not.

Bingo, and I've seen a bunch of mice with ears on their back. Okay. Explaining those. Okay, no, you're right. I've seen a guy with an ear on his leg. Yeah, same. As they grew it, as they grew it back.

Yeah. You never heard of that? If they want to grow back an ear, they'll put it on your leg for like nine months and it, like science is bad. By the way, have you well, did you hear about the guy who had the penis reattachment? I'm not kidding. This is not fucking bullshit.

This guy, they grew it on his elbow. COVID hit and he couldn't get it. He was in the UK and he couldn't get in to get it removed. So they I swear to God. So they kept it on there for like an extra year. He finally goes in, his penis literally dropped off. I think about this all the time.

His penis dropped off and then they put it on his ear. They left it there too long. Eventually he has the surgery. They put it on. It's like, I think he has to use a pump to get it hard. Whatever, story hits the internet and everything. And then I think it was like Kate Beckinsale was like, you know, what a great story or something like that.

And he immediately was like, can I buy you dinner? And it was like, Jesus, dude. She's like supporting your dick elbow. And he's like, may we test it out? I'm back baby. Yeah. Back. Right away.

You miss a hundred percent of the shots you don't take. That's right. I mean, I don't know. I guess he thought he'd like karma owed him. And she didn't date Pete Davidson. So she could go for a guy with a dick on his elbow. Yeah. He like karma owed him. And she did date Pete Davidson, so she could go for a guy with a dick on his elbow. Dick elbow, yeah.

He'd probably have a tattoo of a dick on his elbow. He's friend of show, so let's keep it in line. Yeah, of course. Come on, friend of show. One of Osborn's shots struck Cooper's watch, glanced along its face, and penetrated over the point of the hip, making only a superficial wound.

Wow. This is like taking everything that I thought happened in the Old West in one story. It's really crazy, yeah. Lights out, hitting watches, banging, like magic bulleting around, pot banging. Stranger getting hit, running away. Yeah.

When both guns were emptied, the combatants were parted and surgeons summoned. Doctors Albaugh and Vinson responded from this city. On their arrival, they found Osborne fatally wounded, one shot having severed the spinal cord, causing paralysis. Three bullets were bunched in the lower left chest, two passing through the body. Osborne never rallied from the shock and loss of blood, but died after four o'clock. He was dressed and he was taken to Clearwater. Where is the mayor?

Rallied is a great way to say he didn't rally. He never woke up, I assume that's what you're saying. Yeah, so his hat was turned the wrong direction. Yeah, he didn't get his hat inside out at the right time, otherwise he might've pulled through. I mean, also those guns back in 1916 were not quite as accurate. It no They were

Yeah, super sketchy, but Still that's pretty accurate. It's three of them. I hit right Cooper. Yeah Cooper in the same area Yeah, no, that's what you want. If you're trying to kill someone which she was Yeah You know, so's what you want if you're trying to kill someone, which he was. Yeah. You know. So, I'm hoping the cop went to jail or is Karen Reed also on trial for what he did? Wait. Karen Reed is currently in custody. Yeah, I wish we knew we don't know.

We don't know what happened to Cooper. We don't know what happened to Cooper because Cooper. This is the day. So what like he wasn't arrested or anything. He doesn't even say if he was arrested or not. It's just like, that's it. Shoot out. A duel.

I mean, it's definitely one of the things that is problematic about this podcast. You get heavily. But again, we're not here to talk about Cooper's whole life. This is just a day in what happened. Yeah, the day the life of Cooper is what it was. Yeah, sure. Cooper is now governor of Texas. Yeah, that's right. That's right.

Remember when Zell Miller challenged someone to a duel? The governor of Georgia? Yeah. I remember. And everyone was like, dude, what? He was like, let's do it. And everyone was like, we moved pet. We don't agree on much, but moving past that, we did sign together.

But now I'm like, honestly, I'd like for some of these things to be settled that way. Yeah, I agree. Let some of these things to be settled that way. Yeah, I agree. Well, when you actually find out the rules of duels, too, they're so weird. They are. I would be so into it. It sounds like a way.

At this point, I mean, it's like, well, what are we holding on? Like, we saw the debate. What are we holding on to? I have a duel, McConnell versus Biden. Oh my God. Right? Whoever draws first wins, but in a fight take an hour.

Well, wait, instead of draws a gun, how about draws a clock? Like quick draw. As they're both just sitting down on their hands and knees like, oh, how did this go again? I've forgotten what a clock looks like. Oh, we're doomed. Yeah, we are doomed.

Not as doomed as Pentcurl and Osborn. Was it Osborn? Yeah, Osborn. All of these sound like Spider-Man movies. Okay, this is is a little luck. Yeah. When it takes pastors tie. What is that? What? Yeah.

Now we're starting to feel like some small town news. This is literally the next story. It's like right next to it. Shoot. It's really quite a follow up. Which one gets the premier headline? They're both really fascinating. Well, sometimes you need to cleanse your palate after you've heard about two people murdered

at a surprise party. I mean, no other news about the surprise party. Like, didn't it? He was surprised. He was shocked. I mean, I guarantee you, he was kind of like, no, then he was surprised. He was shocked. I mean, I guarantee you he was kind of like, I mean, my birthday was kind of ruined. I mean, if it was a woman's birthday, for sure. She's like, I couldn't say it.

I couldn't say it. But yes, yeah, you can say it. I feel like we lost focus on what tonight was about. It's not about you, okay? It's about me and the woman holding my baby. Well, should we still? How long until we can do the cake? I know.

Can we blow the candles out even though we've blown two people to pieces? Which one takes precedence? blown two people to pieces. Which one takes precedence? So this story is out of Omaha. Because the wind swept his small white linen tie from its place at his throat, a mishap that was not discovered until he entered the first Methodist church here.

Wait, wait, hold on. It's not called the tie. Is it called, what is it called? That's not called like a little white tie, isn't it? Is it called something else? An ascot, you mean? No, but like, are they talking about the little priest white spot? The collar? Yeah.

Yeah, that's the thing. I don't think so. I think I don't. This isn't a priest. This is a. Do I make that up? Yeah, this isn't a priest. Your mother makes little cat ties, doesn't she? Cat bandana. She made a cat bandana. Cat bandanas and dog bow ties. Yeah, this isn't a priest. Your mother makes little cat ties, doesn't she? She made her a cat bandana.

Cat bandanas and dog bow ties. She doesn't make them anymore, but I still have a ton of them in my garage. Yeah. Dave, get over there. Yeah, we need the bandanas. OK. I'll send you some.

Wait. I thought you said, Wynne. Oh, you just said W said wind sweeps tie away. Yeah, wind swept his small white linen tie. Okay. I thought I heard priest too, so that's why I was like. Okay. Oh.

No priest. Pastor. Pastor. Oh, pastor's tie. Right, right, difference. The Reverend J.F. Boyce of Lincoln delayed the service for nearly half an hour until a messenger could be hurried to his room to obtain another tie.

Diva pastor. The lapse of time was covered by the organist. Oh, Christ, the organist vamping? You're like, what's going on? What a night. The organist is like, I finally get to jam. Yeah, not taking him to the ball game again. I always feel like that at ballparks where like the organist is like,

maybe I'll play my own stuff. Oh, my God. And everyone's like, no, we just want to hear the Game of Thrones theme. He's like, he's like, written something. What are you playing? It's called Cut So Deep. It's off my first organist album. Wait, so the priest couldn't go in

or the pastor could not go in and deliver a sermon until he had a tie? Yeah. Yeah, he wouldn't do it. And he blamed it on the wind? Yeah, he did blame it on the wind, but he clearly just forgot his tie, didn't he? This song is called Bl it on the wind.

Because here's the thing I know about ties, they go around your neck. Yeah. That is actually very true. It must not have been tied. Yes, he was probably getting ready to tie it. Like he's wearing it like a scarf. Like a scarf. Is it a summer day?

It's June, right? So it's a warm day. And he's like, I'll just fasten it when I get inside the church. And then here comes the wind. Lesson learned. Why is it Omaha? They just found, they thought this was such a good story, national story, that they put it on the front page

next to the town shooting. It was a big deal. It was a big deal back then. This was huge. Thai News was pretty huge in the... Thai? Yeah, 1910s. Well, this is the Omaha Times.

Yes. The next story will be about a rape. Like, it just goes like, I don't know, like palate cleanser, like horrible thing, palate cleanser, cat missing, rape, watermelon sensible. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, I guess the world's not so bad. Oh, get ready. Just a couple of outliers. And we're brought to you by Airbnb Canada. Listen, I'm on the road a tremendous amount all the time. My life is travel and I always go with Airbnb if I can just because you get a better experience. And my mother was in town recently and I ended up booking her an Airbnb instead of a hotel and she just had hip surgery. So I had to find a place that was very accommodating to her needs and found a place that she still talks about to this day. You know, like I've said before, I always like a

home over a hotel. I call it a home tell. No, I don't. But I really like it. And she like I said, she really, really appreciated it. But recently, I was wondering like while I'm gone, what about my place? Can my place pay in Airbnb? And the answer is yes. It can be as easy as putting your place up and then having a little more scratch generated from someone staying at my place while I'm on the road. So whether you could use a little extra money to cover some bills or something more fun, your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.ca slash host. Oh my gosh.

Wow. Well, this next story is from England. Gee, it's a world report. Okay. Pain restores speech and hearing to a soldier. Pain's a man. Pain? P-A-Y-N-E?

P-A-I-N-E? P-A-I-N. Pain. Pain restores speech and hearing? Yeah. Private Atkin of the Durham Light Infantry who has been deaf and dumb since the Battle of Luz.

I feel ya. The Battle of Luz, they should have seen that coming. We're down, a lot of men. Yes. Deaf and dumb was my nickname in high school. Deaf and dumb, like back when they were just casually like, he's deaf and dumb, and they were like, don't say that about him. He's like, he can't hear.

Whose feelings are we shielding here? Yeah. Oh, God. Luz has recovered his lost, oh, sorry, Aitken has recovered his lost faculties as the result of an operation for appendicitis. So they are suggesting that after a painful operation, correct. Now he's back. He's back baby. Oh, so he was probably just like autistic.

I mean. You know what I mean? Like just like a nonverbal autistic person. And then they're like, we won't numb him up. And then he's like. That's close. But he probably had, what did they call it back then? It's like PTSD, but they called it a-

Stupid appendix. Oh, go ahead. They called it my shell shock. Shelf organ. He probably, he was probably shell shocked. Oh, so he wasn't, quote unquote, deaf and dumb his whole life. He was just deaf and dumb after the war.

And then he gets appendicitis and he's cured. None of this makes sense. Okay, the pain was so great, he says, that the effort to cry out restored his speech. And at the same time, something seemed to burst in his head and his hearing returned. He was shell-shocked. Yeah, he was shell-shocked from the war.

Yeah. I think he was faking it. Go ahead, we all serious. So how we need to, this needs to be returned to because maybe removing people's appendix will solve PTSD. We should take Biden's appendix out and see what happens. That's the move. Yeah, that's what we should take out. Yeah. That's the move. Yes, that's what we should take out. Yes.

Remove Trump's tongue and Biden's appendix. Yes, that'll show us. And shell shocked was what they called PTSD. But like, yeah, basically, but they were like really, I mean, they were really a mess because they were just living through a horror that- Yeah, violence. And a lot of them went into the war way early, just like escape, like at 16, like they would lie about.

So like seeing that trauma. That's the craziest thing too. And then if you ran, I believe if you ran, like your own army killed you. Like if you, they, they, your own army killed you. Like if you, right? Like if you fled the scene or, or what, what was it? Like, um, a wall, a wall. Yeah.

But they should call it fleeing the scene. They really should call it fleeing the scene. Fleeing the scene. Fleeing the scene of your army. Fleeing the scene. I mean, it is a crime, right? How dare you? Yeah, I mean, goodness.

I mean, I've met so many people with PTSD. And you know, interestingly enough, a lot of the people now with PTSD have it because they didn't see anything. They didn't see any fighting. They didn't see anything. They didn't see any fighting. They didn't get to shoot a weapon and everyone keeps calling them a hero for being overseas and they're like, but I didn't do anything. And then they go crazy because, I mean, crazy.

They get traumatized because they feel like they didn't do anything to earn the status of hero. It's very interesting to me that the people in World War I saw some of the most insane, horrifying things. I'm working on this show for the Olympics right now, and this guy, the last Olympics was in Paris and like a hundred years ago, one's in Paris and last time it was in Paris was a hundred years ago and like this guy that survived the Titanic Was in those Olympics. Oh wow when he got rescued out of the water They were gonna amputate his legs in the boat Like in the rescue boat. Yeah

Exactly, like they're just like people they're you know, like on the rescue boat. Yeah. I like that. Exactly. Like there are just like people there, you know, like on the rescue ship, like, you know, and then he was like, no, just give me a second. Give me a second. And then like when the blood returned to his body, he was able to walk around, but they were just going to like cut his legs off.

Holy. The rescue boat. Yeah. And then he ended up. There's some guy in the boat who's just been wanting to cut cut his legs off. Holy. The rescue boat. Yeah. And then she ended up. There's some guy in the boat who's just been wanting to cut people's legs off forever and he's like, this is the chance. We should do it now. And then he ended up winning like two gold medals in swimming.

I'm like, why would you go back in the water? But it's just so fascinating. But I'm like, you know, like people were obviously like chopping off limbs and stuff in those wars because like they didn't have any other idea like medicine. So like not only seeing your Patriot, you know your your friends killed by the enemy you're seeing them like butchered by Surgeon. Yeah supposed to be crazy. Send me back to the battlefield. Yeah, so Crazy. Send me back to the battlefield.

Yeah, so of course he was like, I'm not going to talk and I don't hear anything because I'm so traumatized. And then he gets appendicitis and then he's like, I'm awake. I'm good. I'm talking. I've got a lot of stuff to talk about. Oh, geez, now we should shut the fuck up. I like that now there are all the Olympics and all the people are shitting

in the river. We're obsessed with the fact that they're doing the river shits. I don't know why the mayor of Paris said he was going to swim in it. Like that's just like- Crazy. And the president. Yeah. Oh, the president. Oh, Macron said he was going to do that. Yeah, Macron also said that he was going to- He did too? Yeah, yeah. They were both- I don't think he landed on a date but the mayor I think I think I Think they said they moved it. Yeah, it was like the he was yeah They moved the date they had to move it because then as soon as they announced they said I was gonna be like June 23rd or something and then everyone went put in the river

No, now there's like an app where it's like you can track or a website where you can track when your poop will get to when they're swimming. Like they're like, you should poop tomorrow at 2.35 as this is the best time to get the shiitake. No, no, no, no, not wee wee poop. That's so good. Yeah, I mean, I don't know what's gonna happen. I mean, I don't think that-

It's awesome. But like, I don't think there's any events unless they're doing rowing in there. There is, there is. I believe there is. No, they're doing a poo row. Yeah, the poo row is gonna be held in the Seine this year. Well, the parade of nations is gonna be on the Seine instead of in a, it's the first time it won't be

in a Coliseum. I just, oh really? Or like in an arena. I love the path the French are on. Yeah, all of the countries are gonna be on boats going down the Seine. Just please. So, you know, certain countries will be like, this smells normal to us. But other countries will be, they might be a little deaf and dumb after. That will be the greatest.

Surely Canadians will be like, we have never smelled anything like this in our lives. Yeah, and America will be like, good to be home. Yeah. Nice to be home. Yeah. Thank you for doing this. Yeah, I mean, yeah. At least people who've ever lived next to a paper mill.

Oh God. Yes. People in St. Louis will be like, yay. All right. No, it says there's actually swimming events in the river. That's their plan, yeah. No, their plan is to have them swim. That's why they're doing it to be like, see athletes, it's fine.

Yeah, I mean, goggles and a snorkel. I don't know, man. That's, yeah, I don't know. I'm so wow. I wonder, yeah, there must be the shorter swimming events like the modern pentathlon or something. Cause like- Or triathlon.

Yeah, triathlon could do it. The modern pentathlon is my favorite event in the whole world because they have to, they have to ride a horse they've never met. Are you kidding? No, that's like part of the race. Yeah. A strange horse? They have to ride a strange horse. They have 20 minutes to bond with a horse Are you kidding? No, that's like part of the race. Yeah.

A strange horse? They have to ride a strange horse. They have 20 minutes to bond with a horse that they've never met and then they have to ride it. What the fuck? That is a great, that should be its own event. Thank you. That should be its own event.

Like who, all right, after 20 minutes, like Westminster it. Just be like, we will see who gets along best with their pony. Yeah. I mean, it's so fascinating. And apparently, they try, the Olympics always tries to get horses that are chill. You know, they're not like Mustangs from the Wild West or something. Lucy and buttons seem to have the best bond.

They'll be placed in gold. But that's, you should have to break in a horse. Yeah. Dude. And then ride it. I love it. And they also have to do the run, and then they do a swim, and then they do a fencing, and then they have to shoot

like a laser gun. But up until like 25 years ago, they shot real guns. This is. In a tracking field. I did not. What you've just said has made me more excited for the Olympics than anything I've ever, I did not know that. Yeah.

Wow. My other favorite event that I want that I desperately want them to bring back was called the plunge. It was something that they did in like classed. They only did it for one year, I think in like the 30s or maybe 1916 or something. But like, it was literally like you just jump into the water and your head has you just jump in. You can't move your arms at all. You just jump in and whoever floats the furthest. Shut the fuck up.

60 seconds. You have 60 seconds and whoever floats. A lot of these sound like things you just did at the seconds, you have 60 seconds. And whoever's close. I need to see this. A lot of these sound like things you just did at the pool when you were a kid. Is there one where your uncle throws quarters into the deep end and you see how many you could come back up with? Is there a hold your breath competition?

What about the washing machine off? That one's called baby sitting. Welcome to Marco Polo. Marco Polo would be amazing. I watch Marco Polo. And he's got him, he's got him with the fish out of water. He got him with the fish out of water. Welcome to Marco Polo. Marco Polo would be amazing. I don't watch Marco Polo. And he's got him with the fish out of water. He got him with the fish out of water.

Yeah. No, it's fascinating. It was like, and then they stopped doing it because they said it wasn't, you didn't have to be athletic enough. And I'm like, yeah, like that's the fun part. That's the best. That's what we want to see. You could just be a big guy and like, look, the, the, the motion of the way that like

your, your big body. That is the fucking greatest. It really is. Come on. The plunge. Gosh, he's really moving quite far right now. Look at how far he's sliding. Unbelievable distance.

Quite a distance he's gone. Yeah. Anyway, sorry. I don't know how we got on that from appendicitis. No, no, yeah. I don't know how we got on that from appendicitis. No, no. Yeah. I don't either actually. I don't know.

What an offense. Yeah. Sorry. Okay. So while we were doing that, I figured out what the two events are. There's two events in the river. Swimming events, triathlon and marathon swimming. So it is an endless time in the toilet water. That is the best. It seems like that. Is it too late for them to bring in those pools that just like shoot, there's like mini pools that you- Yeah, the mini pool. That you just swim in in your backyard. Yeah. By the way, those had a good five year run when I was like, that's pretty cool. Then I was like, actually, wait, that's like trout farming.

Swimming in the river there has been illegal for a hundred years. Oh, they said it's like filthy. So their plan was to clean it up. And then as they were on that friend the French were just like Challenging us I bet they have to move it because like that, you know, they're doing surfing and I think Tahiti like one of those French Republic like French and they built a they built a huge stand on the reef and it's bad Yeah, it's a fucking bummer.

Yeah. I support, I might be in the minority here, but I actually just support that. I support destroying reefs. Yeah, reefs are such a good foundation for building a pond. Especially Keanu reef. He is like, I'm gonna be sick. I love him.

A lot of people want to destroy him. Yeah. I love him. Yeah, he's the only reef you like. Oh, I love Keanu reef love him. I love him. Yeah, he's the only reef you like. Oh, I love Keanu Reeve. Really? Yeah. Whoa. Whoa.

I know. Yeah, I don't know. All right, David. We're still on the front page here. All right, sorry. Speaking of marathons, go ahead. I'm never gonna be invited back. No, you will.

If only for your mother. We're gonna have your mom on next. Yeah. Brides' odd gifts. Bologna sausage, cases of beer, and garlic among guests' offering. Oh. This is Erwin, Pennsylvania.

This seems like someone that does, seems like people who don't believe this wedding should be happening. Yeah. Hey, congratulations. Here's 90 pounds of sausage. Yeah. Bologna sausage?

Yeah. I mean, honestly, if- No. I would love that as a gift. Sarah, no. Sarah, don't do this. Especially if it's grown on the elbow. If it's grown on the elbow, it's like, kind of my favorite.

That was his nickname. Old baloney sausage. It's a wedding gift on your wedding night. Hello. I made Spam delicious to you. I also didn't know there was a baloney sausage. I don't think there is anymore with good reason. I've never heard of it either. They probably just changed the name, but it's still the same stuff.

You know, we're we're thinking of like horrible like I just Oscar Meyer ruined. There's probably like a nice baloney where, you know, like some Italian guy was like, yes, each a part of it, you know, and now we're just like, you mean that stuff in plastic? Well, I love baloney at a Jewish deli. I always order baloney sandwiches at a Jewish deli. I don't know why, but there's like fresh baloney.

It's pretty good. Dave? Yeah, I don't eat the test of the baloney, but like I do, I definitely eat it. Sarah, Sarah, okay. Listen, we need to, it's, we gotta, it's a, no, no, no, at some point we, off air, we need to have a Tusk talk.

By the way, it's raining so hard in Germany that they've stopped the soccer miss. Oh really? Never heard of that. Did they stop? Wow, they don't ever stop. No, they don't, but it's like, yeah, it's crazy. There's like waterfalls. They must be stopped.

There's like waterfalls pouring off the top of the stage. Ay, wee. And then what's the other gifts then? There's like bologna sauce and oh, garlic. I'm gonna read it all out. 360 cases of beer. Yes. Great. Yes. Great. Great. Great.

Five full barrels of beer. Great. 25. I like that the second one's also beer. Yeah. 25 gallons of liquor. Wow. A hundred cases of pop.

And then here, this is for Sarah, 350 pounds of baloney. This sounds like a Tuesday at Blake Shelton's house. Oh my God. 25 barrels of beer. Oh my God, you're like Uber eating. Hey guys, get into that baloney, get into that baloney. We're good, Blake.

Trust me, I got that baloney. I got like 350 pounds in there. I got it. Don't eat it all. Wow. That's when whenever you. Save me a little bit of the baloney, Blake. That's whenever you're like, I can't go over to Sarah's

anymore. Every time I go there, she hands me a giant baloney when I leave. Oh. Well, you can't go away empty-handed. I'm southern. I don't believe in not sending you home with something. Oh yes. This is fascinating. So this is just what the bride got? What did the groom get? I was seeing a bag of potato chips. He got a Cuisinart. Yeah, a bread maker. I love it.

That would be great. Roll Revolver. By the way, the bologna is garlic flavored. Oh, fuck me. Now see, that is I think Zara enjoyed that. To me, if you're going to be fucking forcing 400, near 400 pounds of bologna on people, go original. Don't you want to be turning anyone off with the

flavors. Well, I don't think in 1916 they had hickory smoked turkey. You know what I mean? Still a garlic bologna. Hey, guess who's not getting laid at this wedding? At least it's not that one that had like the pimentos in it. Remember those like meats that used to have. Yes. Yeah, that was. They stopped that because we were like, we can't. Don't that's not real. We have no standards and no. OK, so they also got 500 pounds of meat. General 1200 buns and 1000 loaves of bread.

Is this how Jersey Mike starts? But they did not get a refrigerator. They did not. Hurry up, guys. Or a bread box. I hope they have a big house. What do you do with that? What do you do with that?

You got to eat it. They own a restaurant? Was that like... I don't know. If they own a restaurant. Even then, no. There's no justification that this is okay, Was that like, if they owned a restaurant. Even then, no. There's no justification that this is OK, unless one of them is like a Sasquatch.

But if you, we used to, I always encourage people when they're getting married, I used to DJ weddings when I first moved here. And I did this one event that was a stock the bar party for the wedding. So people just came and brought tons of booze and alcohol and then that's what they used at their wedding to serve all the guests. That's a great idea. Thank you. Well, it wasn't yours, was it?

It wasn't mine, but I stole it. That seems like you really took credit for it. Yeah, but I still think. Well, she wasn't yours, was it? It wasn't mine, but I stole it. But it seems like you really took credit for the, yeah, but I still think. But now I'm telling you so that you can use it. Okay, all right. So I'm relaying the information. Okay, I'm relaying it forward, Garrett. All right, I'm sorry you two.

And if you're not nicer to me, I will challenge you to a duel and I will. I, okay. With baloney. Because I have a musket and baloney. Baloney duel. That shoots baloney. Yes, baloney musket. baloney that shoots baloney. Yes. Baloney musket. Yeah.

I don't know. To me, this sounds like either they're alcoholic or maybe they're Irish. Are they Irish? No, I think it's a TLC show. Just like, well, this will get them through their honeymoon if they're Irish. Not necessarily. We've actually run out of Bologna on the trap. We're out of it, finally.

This is clearly like Polish or German. They're the sausage people. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Bologna sausage. I would... But this is for their wedding or... Yeah, wedding. It's the wedding festivity. Okay, wedding. It's the wedding festivity. Okay, okay. Also $965 were chipped in by a guest for a goodwill offering. Tums.

The wedding festivity lasted three days. Yeah, it did. Yeah, all right. And at the end they needed more booze. That day three baloney. No, you fry it up. You gotta fry up your baloney. Fried baloney? Oh. Oh. Oh, you fry it up. You gotta fry up your baloney. Yep.

Fried baloney! You never had a fried baloney sandwich? Stop it. I'm not gonna take this badgering. I've had fried baloney. I support fried baloney. But day one fried baloney. You need fried baloney sandwich

with some like Frank's red hot sauce and then you put it on bread. That hadn't even been invented yet. Frank hadn't even been born. I think hot sauce had been born. Wrong, Dave. Your kid's pretty lucky, right? You make him good stuff.

Yeah, I make him good stuff. He won't eat bologna. He won't even eat turkey. He won't eat bologna? No, he won't eat turkey. My kid wouldn't eat turkey either. Yeah, not yet. He's like not there yet.

I got my boy to eat human. Okay. I took out a piece of my own thigh and cooked it for him. No, no, no, no, no. The boy loves leg, dad's leg. Peter Popovich. What? Aged 30 years of hometown and Annie Albrecht, age 16.

You're such a hot kid. Wait, what was his first age? 36? We don't want to relive it. 30. He's 30, she's 16. You're god damn it. Wait, what was the first age? 36? We don't want to relive it. He's 30, she's 16. Sure, this is legal in the 60s. Yeah. You met her on Snapchat, he's a comedian, we've heard it before. Yes, she's deaf and dumb from the war. Following the wedding, the bridegroom rented a dance hall in Hauntown, hired two bands, laid in supplies for the occasion, and chartered 16 automobiles to accommodate the guests. At the conclusion of the festivities, the bride was almost exhausted due to dancing almost continuously, continually since the inauguration of the celebration. Plus, she was horrified.

Beautiful. And clearly- It does sound like- the inauguration of the celebration. Plus she was horrified. It was happening. And clearly, I mean, I guess you're allowed to drink once you're married, right? Even if you're 16? When you're marrying a 30 year old at 16, you're not getting carded anymore. People are like, you do whatever you like. Yeah, I mean.

But three days, that's what all the booze was for then. And so like you're giving 16 year old that much booze as a gift. Yeah, it sounds like how a 16 year old would plan a wedding. I don't know. Yeah, it does. What did we do? Well, yeah, that. Yeah, three days. I'd be tired, too.

Just she said she never stopped dancing. Yeah, no, never. It's like a rave to her now all right Electric current frightens shavers and house cleaners She's also from yeah, I was still talking about swimmers Manscaped ad because I stopped doing this sort of guerrilla marketing. I think we're talking about literally The old timey.

A guy shaving. Shabers and what? House cleaners. House cleaners. So I think this is their way of saying men and women. Yeah, right? Oh. Wow. Sure.

Men were afraid to shave in McAdoo because of a scare created through the grounding of the Lehigh Traction Company's feed wires, which sent currents through water mains into the houses, some of which were set on fire. Holy shit. The houses were set on fire from the electric? From the water. Oh, that's a lot of. They made water fires? They electrocuted the water.

You know, Florida is like the state that, you know, we all kind of are like, yeah, we revile you. And then every now and then they're just hitting home runs. Just fucking fire water coming out of your tap, burning your house down. Isn't that what was happening in Michigan? Think you could light it on fire? Well, that was because that was that was different. That was because the governor decided to make a bold switch to river water.

And we've never regretted it. We've never regretted it. Never, we've never regretted it. Never once. That's why they call it flint, because it's so fiery. I know. Yep, that makes sense. Thank you. That's a good call.

So they were worried that they were going to put their shaver under the water and then shave themselves, and then it would cause a spark. Yeah, I think they were just worried they were gonna die from the water. The lip she has on. But not... I mean, it's really, it's such a... It's sort of such a casual way they're saying this that it's like, wait, what?

So, barbers stood on rubber mats and handled their steel implements and wore overshoes in dread of a recurrence of the trouble. Okay. So barbers were afraid that they were going to cut people's necks because of the water fire.

No, I think they were scared they were going to get electrocuted to death. Oh, okay. From the water that they were using in the sinks. Right, in the sinks. So they're, yeah. And then house cleaners made. Oh, okay. Women quit house cleaning

because they feared their vacuum cleaners might become charged with currents. Wow. This sounds like just a lot of laziness. Like everyone just- Yeah, this sounds like the satanic panic. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Because the house, like somebody said somebody said, you know what, it's probably from all them vacuum cleaners that these houses catch them on fire. Definitely sounds like- If I was somebody that had to clean houses forever, I'd probably say that to my boss too. It's a safety thing. I think I just can't do it because- For my safety, by the way, I'm looking at my first picture of an overshoe

and I am in I'm a barber I don't know if it's an overshoe just like a weird rubber shoe to go over your shoe barbers overshoe all right I don't know it feels like there's always an electric current in something, right? You know, when you get shot. Not Biden. I'll stop. Oh, weird. Okay. Yep.

See, get me one of those. Put it in your cart. Sure. I'll get it for you when we throw you a surprise birthday party. Bring the Bologna. Yeah, okay. So that's the story. We don't get anything else.

Sorry, but it's I want more because this is fascinating that houses were set on fire. Yep. So a pastor's tie goes away. Way more dedicated to that than fire water well, I will say the fire water was on the bottom of the page, but the Yeah, that's the top top of the page. Yeah, it's so they definitely gave it more create That was the fire thing was in McAdoo, Pennsylvania My goodness.

So Pennsylvania and London, Omaha and Florida. Yeah, we're all over the place. Now we're going to do Los Angeles. Finally. This headline is Will open coffin daily. Sure, sure, sure. Will open coffin. Every day for two months, the caretaker of Forest Lawn Cemetery will open the coffin

containing the body of William Kip, retired Los Angeles capitalist. This ceremony will take place in accordance with the will of Mr. Kip, who was haunted by a fear of premature burial. That, this I understand. Hold on, no you don't. Kip committed suicide by shooting himself. Could be great. Cool, cool. Kip wanted an article written about himself.

So this guy has to open a coffin to look at a blown up head every day for two months. Because Kip was worried he would survive and be buried alive even though he took his own life. That's right. This guy definitely wanted to kill himself. He was like, I don't want there to be any. Yeah.

Yeah. I don't want to be recovered. It also just might, I mean, you don't sometimes, you're not that premeditated on your decision to end it all. You could see that he was like, I want to be really careful and then ended it all. Then he's in Forrest Lawn and the guy's like, oh no. I feel like a better way to die would be to drink 25 barrels of beer. That'd be a way more fun way.

Or you could be on 300 pounds of sausage. I did like that they had 16 vehicles for the guests so that they weren't driving around in the state. It is a good party that happened. There's no doubt that would be a fun wedding. These were dueling parties and I think we figured out which one was the more fun. Once you could get over the, uh, the illegalities of the marriage, let her rip. I mean.

I mean. But oh, the indigestion. Yeah. Yeah. Real indigestion. Oh, was this the one? Oh yeah. Casket. Yeah. You should get, you should get,. Oh, was this the one? Oh, yeah. Casket.

Yeah. You should get, they should have given 500 pounds of Toms. Yeah. That's right. Also, Rolls-Royce. It must be so hard to work at a cemetery. Like, every time I pass Forest Lawn, I'm always like, wow, this is so beautiful. Yeah, it is nice.

It's just like so green and gorgeous. Yeah. And then you'll see a tent set up and all these people and you're like, oh, yeah. Yeah. That then you'll see a tent set up and all these people and you're like, oh yeah. Yeah. I have no problem going over to that area and being like, just gorgeous day, isn't it? What a lovely day. How great is today?

Beautiful. Yeah, I know. And then, you know, they show movies in cemeteries out here. It's not like- Yeah, the Hollywood cemetery. They show it there. But like having to open a casket, it's like. That great.

That's not what you signed up for. Like that's what the mortician is supposed to do, right? Maybe they called it a cask kip. Is that possible? No, no. Shut up, Dave. I would just say I did it and not do it. Yeah, right?

Yeah, yeah, I kept cracking it open. He's dead. It's true. Once you do it once, you're like, okay, so his head's off, like he's not. The friends of the people who knew about this had the chance to do the funniest thing ever. Oh yeah.

They really missed an opportunity to not take their friend out of the casket. So the next day the guy comes back. Can we look at him again just to make sure? And he opens it up and they've gone. There's a note. I think he Dear Johned us. He said, gone to swim in the sand.

Have you ever seen the video of the Irish guy who has a recording in the casket and then they lower it down and then his voice comes and he starts to, help me get. There's been a great mistake. We've been buried alive. No. Oh my God, it's so great. And then everyone just starts laughing

and it just goes on and on. Just like so good. That's a good bit. That's a good bit. So good. That's a fun bit. Actually it has those funerals where there's like, it's like an open casket and then like,

like hot sexy women are like dancing down the aisle for this like a celebration of life. Or like when people take like selfies, like, are like dancing down the aisle for it's like a celebration of life. Or like when people take like selfies like, oh man, not now. Calf get selfies. Yeah. Okay, I think I know why they don't use local news on the front page.

Cause here's some local news. No mail carrier. Beginning today, the mail which has been carried by a William Driver to Ephors, Porto Ricci and other points is to be carried by Walter Grable in an auto. So, you got your complaints. There you go. Take him to Walter. That's right.

Man, mail was a good deal. If you messed up Take him to Walter. Yeah. That's right. Man, mail was a good deal. If you messed up the mail. Oh yeah. You would know your mail. I mean, I guess I know my mail carrier. When there's a new mail carrier at my house, I'm like, oh, interesting. Yeah.

I am at that age where I'm like, oh, whoa, what happened to Steve? Did Steve off today? Absolutely, the same way. Yeah, like you're like. What's going on? What's up with? Did Steve off today? Absolutely, the same way. Yeah, you're like fucking weirdos. What's up with? So no Jeff today? No Jeff today.

I mean, yeah, mail was also just so important back in 1916. Oh, God. Everything. When you got a letter. Oh, it's crazy. There's no junk mail, right? Yet? Not really.

I don't know when that started. That's been amazing. Now, we didn't really have junk mail. We didn't have junk mail even right? Yet? Not really. I don't know when that started. That'd be amazing. Now, we didn't really have junk mail. We didn't have junk mail even back when I was grown up. The first guy to come up with that is like, honey, well, I've got some exciting news. I've been chosen. Really?

Oh, yeah. Things are about to go different for us. Yeah. I mean, what a great pitch for Shark Tank, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Junk mission. All right, last story,

it's out of San Jose, California. Okay. This alligator can bark if Californians tell truths. Oh, I think they're lying. There's a lot wrong, because there's no alligators here. So probably not. They might have been on holiday.

Alligator can bark. Okay. So they've never seen an alligator? No, I guess not. They just think they're a dog. Yeah. But that'd be amazing if alligators can bark. He must smell my alligator.

That's a good boy. He must smell my alligator. That's a good boy. He must smell my alligator. That's good. That's funny. A strange freak of nature, which some believe to be a young alligator and others say cannot be classified under that head, has been captured in Soap Lake near Gilroy by Leland Holloway. Okay. Gilroy? Isn't Gilroy up Leland Holloway. Gilroy, isn't Gilroy up where they make the garlic? Is that's not Gilroy's garlic festival.

Gilroy is where they have the garlic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the garlic festival. Yeah, it's about it's probably an hour an hour away from Santa. Great wedding gift, by the way. It's you pick some up on your way to your wedding. Yeah, just what every young lady wants for her wedding gift is about, I'd say about 800 pounds of garlic. Yeah.

We invited Van Helsing. For the honeymoon. No toothpaste, just garlic. I do a garlic moon. Okay, so they saw they're in San Jose, they're in Gilroy. So they caught it, they caught it. When handled or otherwise aroused, the thing emits a sound which is declared to be a-

I'm gonna jerk off this dog alligator. Get it? Have it focus, it really loves this. Oh, there we go. That's a good boy. Yeah. This wizard, hey, I'll tell you what, if you told me today that I was gonna be jerking off a barking alligator, I'd have been like, nope.

It admits a sound which is declared to be a cross between a bark and a grunt. Okay. It's just... No. Holloway will take the freak to the universe. Jesus Christ. Tossing it around. It is a freak. That's the exact. Holloway will take the freak to the universe. The freak!

Jesus Christ, tossing it around. It is a freak! That's the exact appropriate term for what we're dealing with. We'll sell it to the carnival. Yep. Poor thing. We're going to Gilroy Gardens.

That's how Gilroy Gardens started. They had a barking alligator, and then they built rides around it. Very much, it's very similar to how Notts Berry Farm started as just the Berry stand. And they had, you just have to have one thing to rope people. And then like a whole business, a whole business grows around it. That's right.

Come for the garlic, but see our freak. Wow. What a weird farm. Yeah. Weird farm. Okay. So I'm going to take you to the University of California, where he will ask that an attempt be made to classify it.

It is thought to be a hybrid originating in a cross between an alligator and some other animal. The old alligators believed to have been discarded by some passing circus. Wow. That circus had some high fucking standards. What? What? We're gonna have to let you go, dog alligator.

That's what, what a mystery that I now need to know what happened with the alligator. I really wanna know what this animal was, cause I'm like, I don't think anything, like kimono dragons or anything, they don't bark, do they? Oh sure they do. They fetch, they bark. They do a whole thing.

Sure, sure, sure. High legs, put a little bone on their nose, they wait for ya. Yes, yes, they marry Jon Snow. Yeah, they have like a whole, yeah, Jack, I don't know. Like, makes me wonder if it's like a seal. I'm like, what is this? You know, they are.

That's a good guess. It's really, it that's a good guesses. It's really, it's such a crazy story. Like, I mean, maybe someone did throw an alligator in the, in the lake. What was that? What was that Emma Stone movie that was from the Oscars where they were like, Oh, oh, Barking Gators. No, I think you're making that one up, Dave.

Was it like tiny little pieces or something like that? Wasn't it? Pretty, yeah. Some that- Pretty, pretty woman. God, that took forever. Yes, that also took, changed parts around. Yeah.

But that was the part of the movie was like her dad was like, you know, creating like pig dogs. Poor things. Poor things. There you go. So close. It makes me think of poor things. Yes, I agree.

Dave, have you seen poor things? I have not seen poor things. All right. Well, someone's the odd person out. We laugh at you, Dave, because you're different than us. I don't even... I'm very embarrassed about you. Whatever.

Well, listen, that is the end, Sarah. I think it's safe to say the 50,000 is going to stay in-house this episode. But we'd love to have you back on to try to win it next time. We do have it. A lot of people are just like, do you have the prize? We have it. We do have it. A lot of people are like, do you have the prize? We have it. We definitely have it. We're just waiting for the, you know, someone's got to beat us. And you came close. I must have lost it when I had a different mail carrier. I must have, the notification must have been, I must admit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So talk to that person. Yeah, check it in the mail.

Yeah. I have that question. People should follow you, Saratiana, at Saratiana on social media. And when can they watch your Olympics show? That, I mean, the Olympics have a leap start on the 26th is the opening ceremony. So it's gonna be Kevin Hart and Tina Thompson hosting.

Anyone we might've heard of? No, just those two. Okay. I don't know, the real bummer. Maybe try to get a name, I think that helps, right, sometimes. Yeah, yeah. It'll be on Peacock, where a lot of Olympic putts will be.

But yeah, I'll have lots of funny jokes in there. Okay. Well, you always do. And we thank you for joining us on America's favorite old newspaper show, The Past Times. Dave, why don't you send us off with the regular send off you do? Hey, thanks for the blog.

All right, thanks everybody. Some of these days, you'll miss me honey. Some of these days. And we're brought to you by Airbnb Canada. Listen, I'm on the road a tremendous amount all the time. My life is travel and I always go with Airbnb if I can just because you get a better experience. And my mother was in town recently and I ended up booking her an Airbnb instead of a hotel and she just had hip surgery so I had to find a place that was very accommodating to her

needs and found a place that she still talks about to this day. You know like I I've said before I always like a home over a hotel. I call it a home tell. No I don't. But I really like it and she like I said she really really appreciated it. But recently I was wondering like while I'm gone what about my place? Can my place pay in Airbnb? And the answer is yes it can be as easy as putting your place up and then having a little more scratch generated from someone staying at my place while I'm on the road. So whether you could use a little extra money to cover some bills or something more fun,

your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.ca slash host.