The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 82 - The Past Times with Corey Ryan Forrester

Episode Date: July 12, 2024

Dave Anthony picks a newspaper from a day in history and reads it to co-host Gareth Reynolds. This week they are joined by comedian and podcaster Corey Ryan Forrester for the third time Redbubble Merch

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Oh, Dave. Of course, our friends forever. We've been using Squarespace forever. We love their websites. They're crisp, they're clean, they're easy to use. You don't have to update stuff. Well, look, we've said this over and over again, but if you want to know if we really do like Squarespace,

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When you're ready to launch go to squarespace.com stressed all up to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. All right everybody welcome to the pastimes podcast. Each week we go through an old newspaper from a random date in history picked up by Dave Anthony. I'm Gareth Reynolds and I've never seen it before and neither is our guest this week. Cory Ryan Forrester, a three-named legend. Hi Cory. What's up guys? I love every time I'm on here, I realize just how much y'all are a vanville act that was born in the wrong generation. Kyle, that's... A lot of people, yeah.

See, some people like to be called ahead of their time. I like to be called behind it. And I do. So far behind it. Way behind it. Yeah, I like that. I'm joking. I like that. You know, again, I also have a voice for I have a voice for the silent film and

have a face for radio. So now I disagree with that. You're a very cute fella. Stop and people back then were uggo's the people they used to put on TV. Like if you go back and watch old TV shows, you're like these were the stars like dude, look at Humphrey Bogart. He's the sexiest man on the planet at that time. Every single one of my social studies teachers looked better than him. Yeah. No he on it

Yeah, he looks like you right now. He would look like he would work in the back of a Walgreens And Cory we just spent some time together out in Tennessee We were in chat apparently. What's that? It was pointless apparently so I appreciate that. One of the days, it turned out to be pointless, so one of the days you and I went to a rescue cat cafe. By the way, thanks for drinking a small. We went to the rescue cat cafe. Oh my god. It's fine. Oh my god. It's a great deal. You go to the gas station, you buy this once, and then it costs you a nickel less every time. Cory, we already experienced this with Luke, who then knocked it over in the van. Luke had the exact same one and knocked it over in the van, and that leads us to the cat cafe that you and I went to,

where Luke knocked the footage over and now it's gone. But we did have a good hang there, and we we shot some stuff and the guy waved the feet. That guy probably just thought we brought an empty camera to get into his little cat rescue for free. Yeah. But either way, thank you for joining us, especially hot off of Disneyland. Corey, what can we promote?

So you're great on social media. What are you on Instagram? Are you Corey Ryan Forrester? Corey R. Forrester. I wouldn't say I'm great on social media. I think I'm just great and sometimes I post it on social media. Like I don't know any of the tricks. Like there's some people who are like really good.

You're stuff good, but you do very well. I can't stop this. You do good on social media. I appreciate that. You're on our little show. You're way better than Gareth. Way better. The numbers tell us.

Gareth, it seems... Okay, I didn't know you did that. Is that why I keep... See, I seems. I didn't know you did that. Is that why I keep, see, I thought that I'd formed a relationship with you fellas and that we were just buddies, but it turns out you're just looking at the analytics and it's like, time to bring back the clan, boy. Yeah, this is a stats podcast.

Okay, glitic, guys. We look at the numbers and then we put out invites. That checks out. I did a, cause I have dates in Toronto coming up and I did a like Toronto radio thing yesterday. And the guy was like, your podcast adult gets 5 million downloads a month. Is that true?

And I was like, those are not up to date numbers. I was like, that was when podcasts were, things were a little different. That's when we were one of only three podcasts. It was you and Marin. Yeah. And I think Kevin Pollock, like it was really, like literally, I swear to God, dude, the first three podcasts or the first four podcasts I ever listened to was like the dollar Kevin

Pollock, Marin and Doug loves movies. So that is the original Mount Rush. Three, that's the core. Three quarters of those people are dead now. Yeah. Well, all of them, I thought, but yeah. Uh, yeah, I'm Corey. I'm Corey are Forester on, uh, pretty much all the social media is, uh, but

Hey, I have a podcast called putting on airs that some people have described as the dollop but worse. Yeah, well, see? And that's, that's, okay, so you're climbing too. Don't act like we're the only analytics. You're coming here to promote your little shitty dollop. Yep, that's right. And then you also have a Patreon, basically bonus content at bonuscory.com. Bonuscory.com, I write essays, I do a podcast where I go to the woods and I scream into my phone. Oh, did he lose that one? No, we've got that one and I've been to those woods I was just going to say.

Yes, we screamed in the woods together at it'satbonuscorey.com. I also do like full length audio dramas and stuff, my little radio programs, because I too like to think that I'm a hundred years too late in this industry. Don't try to relate to us after you disparaged our good current. And we're doing a podcast. One of these days. Yeah. Yeah. By the way, you know what was so funny?

I watched a documentary on Buster Keaton, who I loved. I've loved Buster Keaton forever. And then when audio came into films and Buster Keaton had to talk the first time he heard him talk and he was like I think I can still do talkies Jesus Christ It was like oh Buster no put the cigarettes down There were so many that were like so comical cuz I've like I'm for putting on airs I've looked at like the golden era of Hollywood and stuff and there would be these women who are just knockout gorgeous babes in the silence

their first talkie they have one line and they're just like oh I've got to get to Cincinnati! It's like how do you even talk in real life like just do a regular thing oh man they're all wacky waving inflatable arm flailing tube man just screaming. That would be a great movie but we're not here to talk about a movie we're here to talk about an old paper back when Dave and I would have been popular so Corey you know what we're doing we're start we're gonna guess what year this paper could potentially be from. I guess first because yeah I've been called the cutie pie. I'm going to guess that this paper is from 19... Wrong!

Cory, you guess now. Wait. Okay. I always, I do this every time and I've been wrong every time, which means I'm going to do it again. I just always assume that Dave is going to see that I'm on this show and be like, I have to read Civil War stuff. And so I always think that it's going to be from at least 1861 to 1865. So I'm going to split the difference and say that this paper is from 1863. And

to make it more interesting, I'm going to say that it's from the state of Kentucky. What a psycho. Wow. God, that's just crazy all or nothing You're the guy in the price. That's right. He's like we do sense I won't roll with my wiener. Let me hit the point like Blanco thing You're both wrong, so we're not Not allowed to guess so I think you were. You said 19. I think what he's suggesting is that you didn't even

get the century right. I think he's wrong, and I bet I did. What year is it, asshole? You literally said the year 19. Jesus was still around. Stop it. It is 1909, March 3rd. So I was gonna say 1911, and I'm not even kidding.

Okay, so everyone... Yeah, well, you would have been wrong. You would have been over. Price is right, Rose. Like, you would have been wrong. Jesus Christ have been over. Price is right. Wrong. Jesus Christ. I mean, everyone's out to get me. Washington Post. March 3rd, 1909.

Doctor bound to die in bed. Wow. Bound to. It's just a guess. He's bound to die in bed. You did pinpoint the weird part right away. Yeah. Like, is anything wrong with this doctor or does he just spend a lot of time in bed and

they're like, if you play the numbers, he's bound to die there. He sleeps a lot. Go all in on the bed deaths. Well, maybe he's actually tied to the bed. I like a lot. Go all in on the bed deaths. Well maybe he's actually tied to the bed. I like that too. Ass up. What?

What? Who ties a dying man ass up? Oh he ain't dying until I'm done with him. We picked the wrong hospice. This hospice is terrible. Well at St. Asses up. You're lucky you didn't send him to spreads. We have one more treatment, but it's a little experimental zip.

And there we are. Got it. Don't worry about it. Dr. Victor Mayer told Lucille, a friend of his, on Monday, that he was too much of a gentleman to die on the streets. Wow, what the fuck? What? I have so many questions among them.

Why is this in a paper? Also, why would him dying on the streets be an option? Well, let's find out. Maybe that's part of the, yeah. This morning, he died as he thought a gentleman should in his bed at 48 West 26th Street. Crawling up his stairs from the rows. Gas killed him. Gas killed him?

This guy ate so many pento beans. Really? Wait, what do you mean? You can die from that shit? I'm saying he farted. I'm saying you farted Are you drinking beans out of that thing? You have the reaction. Yeah, that's why it's a big straw Eight ounces of be wait a minute. Just sucking straight beans through a straw Hey beans are beans are surprisingly very good for your cholesterol and so I do eat a lot of beans

surprisingly very good for your cholesterol and so I do eat a lot of beans which I think everybody would assume that I eat a lot of beans but I don't think they would know that I do it for a good reason. And that it's out of the can. Yes. Right. With a kerchief bib. Yeah. I do indeed fart quite a bit. So at bonuskori.com walk us through some of the, no, I'm sorry. Fart content. It's mostly, there is a lot of fart content. You have a fartrion, right? Yeah, of course.

Do you remember the guy, the fart guard who, security guard who got fired for doing the fart videos? Yes! Oh yeah. Yeah. I think I gave to his GoFundMe. I think he was then thinking, because as I recall, he was thinking like, well, I'm going to take off now and this could be my thing.

And then I remember I went and looked back like a couple of years later to see it, and no one, it did not take off. It was just the one-off. You got fired for farting. I actually do record my farts, but I don't put it like, and I'm being serious because I'm a multi-hyphenate, as y'all know. I'm an actor comedian writer producer

I'm also a Foley artist And every time I am I sort of got and every time I know that like you know How when you're about to fart you can tell like if this one's gonna be something you need for posterity No, because when I fart I usually scared Like I always don't know it's coming. This is a wild opening conversation. Well, hold on. I've got one on my phone. This is one of my best ones.

Hold on. Hold on. Isn't that good? I record my... That's not even the best one, though. Hold on. Oh, here's the best one. Here's the best one. It's super long. hold on. Oh, here's the best one. Here's the best one. It's super long. Hold on. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. You can hear my wife in the back going, oh my God. We had been, I find that the best, if you're a Foley artist like myself

and you need to capture farts, always have your recording equipment ready the second you get in your car after you come out of the movies. Because something about popcorn and Diet Coke and sitting in it for three hours, I always fart the- and the echo of the car, like when you get in the car and knowing you're- it's going to upset your wife, it produces a wonderful high treble fart. And I save those and whenever I have a video that needs a fart, I cut out my voice in the

back and I use them. Literally I swear to God there was a time when almost every video I had had some sort of need for a fart sound effect and I was like, well, I can't afford to buy one, you know? So there you go. I'd swith it. Listen, wear it how you will. This is the first time this has happened on our show.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had him at the ready. Oh yeah, no. I feel like you're promoting them. BonusCory.com. Cory's here for his Fart album. I've been married for 18 years.

My wife's never heard me fart. Oh, dude, that's awesome. I would have been that way if my wife hadn't opened her asshole the first second that week. Because I'm very private. You can ask my mom, my dad. Am I on your guys' podcast? My dad still leaves the house to take a shit.

And him and my mom have been married for like 40 years. I never farted in front of women, but my wife like... When are we gonna get to a normal statement? Everything you guys keep saying. You're dead? That is... Yeah. It's called being a gentleman.

He'll go check into a hotel to fart. He will. Hey, they've been together. He's an asshole, but they've been together for 45 years, dude. You know what I mean? Like, there's something about it. The romance is still alive. Wow. God damn. How about this doctor?

And Dave's dad had a fart chair. My dad had a fart chair. I mean, that's probably why I don't fart in front of my wife. Holy shit. Okay. Okay. And we're back. I don't fart in front of my wife. Holy shit. Okay. Okay. And we're back. We're back to this guy who the gas killed. Right.

That's why we're here. I remember that. Yeah. This Dr. Meyer had fought New York for a living for six months and he had come to believe that New York had conquered him. He fought New York? Was he Godzilla? Put him up, see? Yeah, just to the whole city. I'll meet you in the ring, you see, you big apple, huh?

You'll be a big core when I get done with you. Go on now. I think they say he struggled when he got there, right? Like he couldn't make a living, kind of. I think so. I think that's it. Okay. As a doctor? Is he like a doctor doctor or a doctor like someone goes to a lot of college and they're like, actually that's doctor fart head, you know? I can't, I mean, they're not using PhD.

They are using doctor. So I think he's a doctor doctor. Lucille is the daughter of Pierre Bois, who is the concierge of the pension where Dr. Meyer took his life. She used to listen to the tales the doctor had to tell of his student life in Paris, Paris, gay Paris is that they call it?

Sure, or Paris. Of his imprisonment there because of his espousal of the Bourbonist Bourbonist's cause of a farm that he owned in Cuba and his adventures with the Spanish capitalists down there. Okay. So, he had stories. He had stories going on here. He had stories going to Paris and hanging out with the Bourbonists and being on a farm in Cuba and. I was about to say, he's in jail in Paris for something he did in Cuba while thinking about Spain.

Was that what I heard? That's correct. This is a Jimmy Buffett song. Oh my God. He went to Cuba, farted some beans out and died in the bed like a man. You know. What?

What? What? Ass up? Dude. Gays out? What? What? What? What? Face out! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha on the dresser which lay open for his reading. To whom it may concern, I give my body to the medical school here for dissecting or any other use they may desire. Corda wrote this. Yeah.

If they are not in need of the corpse, please notify my brother-in-law, H.D. Brewster, a Brewster and company, 47th Street. And also my mother, Gray Meyer, 187 Rue de la Pont, Avenue Bois de Boulogne, Paris. Wow. Can you imagine if they didn't want your body for science, like how bad you'd feel in the afterlife? We're going to pass on this one.

Yeah, we're good. This one's full of farts. I think that would be... Send this one to the circus. Gray Meyers is a beautiful name. Yeah. Dr. Meyers had made no attempt to establish a medical practice in New York, but wrote for Paris newspapers.

Well, that's weird. So all right. So he was just struggling. So at the office of Clark Brothers, Jarrett Clark said Meyer had called upon him yesterday and threatened to kill himself. I am down and out, he said. I have done the best that I could, but despite my education and good intentions, I am up against it. Can I call you back?

I'm actually in the middle. I'm reorganizing my baseball stuff. Can I call you back in a little bit? Can I get back to you when I'm done cutting my money? I'm sorry. I will not steal and certainly will not beg. A man in my condition had better go home and die in his bed. And then he went and killed himself.

That's horrible. Well, that's just really... See, that's one of those ones where I'm glad we got the comedy out as early as possible. Yeah, because we could have very easily not heard Cory's Jimmy Buffett fart song. Yeah. And he would be chasing back to the origin. Yeah.

Very likely we have sponsors on this episode, which I'm just thinking about now. I'm sure that's true. They're fine. They love it. Yeah. Okay. Better help. That's the only one we do.

That's the only one we do is better help. Educated Russian shoots himself. Educated Russian? That's right. Okay. So, this is just kind of a downer paper, huh? About like people. 1909 you say was the year?

Yeah. Not a lot good going on. No, just a lot of- We haven't even had a world war yet. How do we fill these pages? Yeah. This is, the headline above this, which I didn't notice is,

three men of education take their lives in New York. Oh, okay. So we've got another one after this. Exciting. Wow. So there's a whole story in three parts of these three educated men who shot themselves. Yeah. Because I guarantee they were like only non-educated idiots kill themselves at this time.

They were like, why would a smart fellow do what else doesn't? Yeah. Well, it's also they were probably very lonely at this time because people were like, why come a whale got its asshole on its head? And then they were like, well, actually, no, that's where they're breathing. What is that? Don't make no sense to me. They're like, if only we could have connected the three of them, they'd have had like quite a good little gang. My uncle shot himself right before COVID.

Oh dear. Right, which is fine. He wanted to die, we're all happy for him. And also he died doing what he loved, sitting in his chair holding a gun. But I don't think anyone has paid for his headstone yet because nobody in the family, the only person in the family who could afford it

would be me and I was like, well, he don't care. But I think I'm now gonna go buy him his headstone yet because nobody in the family, the only person in the family who could afford it would be me and I was like, well, he don't care. But I think I'm now gonna go buy him a headstone just so I can put the quote on there, attributed to him that said, why come a whale's butt holes on his head? Because if I'm paying for it, nobody can say anything. Just put that out there just for millions to see. I'll chip in.

If that gets on there, I'll chip in a little. Yeah, I'll put it up in the side. Rest in peace, Uncle Jordan. Why come a whale's butt hole? I'll chip in. If that gets on there, I'll chip in a little. Yeah, I'll put it up in the back. Rest in peace, Uncle Jordan. Why come a whale's butt hole? He was one of these guys who, he did, like he did, you know, meth through a super soaker gun. Oh wow.

And he died right before COVID, which is a shame because I never got to hear any of his thoughts on it and they would have been awesome. Oh man. He was attending anti-vax stuff. Oh God. The pending anti-vax stuff. Oh God. Amazing. While he's shooting meth between his toes, you don't know what's in it.

You know what would have been great is to do, which is just, like any of the people who died from COVID who were like, it's fake, just open casket, put a mask on them, just like, there we go. Yeah. Throw it in 95 on. A lot. Spread their ashes into the butthole of a whale's head. Sorry Dave you were saying. No it's fine. Herman Oshetl, a former secretary of the

Russian Red Cross Society, today committed suicide by shooting himself through the head. Through? Yes. Not in, through. Yeah, that is there was a preposition note. It's not clear. It did go all the way through. He had made neat bundles of all his belongings. Weird. And it just friends. I want to be packed.

Discouragement at inability to find employment is said to have been complicated by a melancholia over the death of a few months ago of a young woman to whom he was such he is much attached. She also committed suicide. Oh, fuck me. Jesus Christ. Freberich boss who hanged himself today had wealthy relatives. Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ. You got anything about relatives. Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ.

You got a gun, shoots you. You got anything about maybe a guy trying to marry a bike or something? Did I not mention this is the Suicide Times? I can't, Lord. I'll tell you what, knowing Burns who helps research, there must be some stuff coming up because this is not great. I actually, this is the first time I actually had to be like, hey buddy, we gotta redo this one.

I love that you didn't. This is the redone one. Yeah, this is the redone one. It was actually a bit of a downer before I stepped in. Yeah. I don't think, I think it's fun to talk about people who killed themselves, but would be dead now if they didn't.

You know what I mean? Yeah, it makes no difference at this point. I get that. It's fine. Like in 1909, like what are they going to do? Get on the Titanic three years later? Well, that's like they do that all the time where they're just like Elvis would have been 144 today.

Yeah. No, he wasn't. It's like JFK would have been 118. That was my favorite joke on Seinfeld. Aunt Baby, they're like, hey dad, how old would Aunt Baby be today if she had lived? She'd have never made it. Never made it. They attributed his suicide to a sense of pride which prevented him from accepting aid repeatedly

offered. Wow. Up to the time of his self-destruction, his self-destruction. He wanted someone to murder him, but he wouldn't accept the help, so he had to kill himself. Wow. His brother, a retired member of the firm of Robert Rice Company, imagined that Frederick was comfortably off. It was not until the discovery of the body hanging amid Rice Company, imagined that Frederick was comfortably off. It was not until the discovery of the body

hanging him in the squalid surroundings that the family had any inkling of his financial plan. Oh, so he never told him he was poor. Yeah. Oh man. He had to do that. Yeah, I get that. He didn't want, like everyone else was doing good

and he fucking feels like shit. I get that. I'll tell you, I was the king of, when I was doing kids birthday parties and everything was imploding around me, I was the king of like, I need to borrow money. I'm poor. I'm doing really bad. I'd be at bars.

I remember one time convincing my buddy to buy me a huge bag of chips and salsa. I was like, I'm so poor. Seed me. Next time somebody asks me to borrow money, I'm going to give them this newspaper and be like, you know, could just do that. There's options. That's not what you're supposed to do. Don't you want to be proud? Yeah.

Just if that happens, just send them a voice memo. Yeah. Corey, Corey. Here's a good little I think this is an ad. Do children need alcohol? Yes. Come on. 100 percent. Yeah. In this is an ad. Do children need alcohol? Yes. 100 percent. Yeah. In this world. Yeah. Ask your doctor how often he prescribes an alcoholic. Stimulate your doctor if alcohol is right for your child. Side effects include swearing, smoking, trying to pick up women that you're friends with.

He will probably say very, very rarely. Ask him how often he prescribes a tonic for them. He will probably answer very, very frequently. Then ask him about Eider's non-alcoholic sarsaparilla as a tonic for the young. What a weird ad. Oh, sarsaparilla. This is a root beer ad that just for some reason brings up alcohol for no reason. And also says sometimes your kids should be drinking. Sometimes. Yeah. Hey, how often do you think your kids should be drinking? Doctors say probably not. But here's the deal. We got sarsaparilla. Keep it to Friday and Saturday and by week to sarsaparilla.

That's right. Yeah, I think they thought sarsaparilla cured things, but I could be wrong. They had a lot of things like that back then where someone just made it. And by the way, we're getting really close to doing that again. And so, you know, as Mark Twain says, history doesn't repeat itself, but it rhymes. But back then they would just be like, I bet if you scrape your tonsils with a chicken beak, it might do something for that old anal cancer, you know? And they'd be like, well, here's the thing. No one's ever tried it.

How can you say that he's wrong? And then they would do that and nothing would happen. And then it's like listening to the Jimmy Dore podcast now. And we're brought to you by Airbnb Canada. Listen, I'm on the road a tremendous amount all the time. My life is travel and I always go with Airbnb if I can just because you get a better experience. And my mother was in town recently and I ended up booking her an Airbnb instead of a hotel and she just had hip surgery so I had to find a place that was very accommodating to her

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They do it all. You can sell content. You can sell your exclusive stuff right on their site by adding a paywall. You can sell memberships. You can sell courses, whatever. You can sell stuff. I'm doing a ropes course on my website. Is that what we're talking about? I feel like we shouldn't have you on this. Okay, keep going. And if you're a business, you can manage your clients and invoices, vetting and receiving payment.

Am I allowed to speak? Because I think that's a good point. No. Go to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash dollop to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. I'm going to say it again. Go to squarespace.com for a free trial.

When you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com for free trial. When you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com stressed all up to save 10% of your first purchase of a website or domain. God, would you just carry that hatchet? Right or opposed to a ray of calorie at inauguration ceremony. Or are y'all upset with Jimmy Dore, like y'all have a personal beef?

Oh, I used to be friends with him before. He turned into a right wing twat. Yeah. Dave and Jimmy are best friends. They're tiffing. Yeah. I know plenty of people who used to be really good friends. And they're like, what the fuck is going on?

Yeah, he used to be a very normal dude. Now he's lost his mind. This is a letter to the editor. You have done the suffering public a great service in your timely editorial, urging women to leave big hats at home on March 4th and thousands rise up and call you blessed. Wait, wait, sorry. This is pro the editor's decision to tell women to leave their big hats home on a certain day? On inauguration day.

On inauguration day. On inauguration day. I love that op-ed that's just like, listen you big headed bitches, stay home. We need, some of us need the sun. Your hats fuck up everything. I won't be able to see the president through all of your big brims. Go to the horse track.

Oh, wait a minute. This is, this is. Oh, now please help us out on this. Please, please. We want to hear President Taft's inaugural. We would rather hear. If there's any president you shouldn't worry about saying. Right.

You know, President Taft talk like. Like that's, that's all you're missing. There was a translator next to him. He's excited to dig us out of the deficits that were created by the previous administration. Yes. And I believe that thing that flung onto the crowd was a whole herring that was in his tooth. That's exactly right, Mr. President.

He's excited but also agitated by the future that has been set before him No more tax cuts for the rich it's now to spread the wealth among the regular people of this nation He's playing a fart voice It's so funny that if the if one of our current presidents had only gotten stuck in a tub, that would have been great. You know what else I think about from time to time is how that George W. Bush almost choked on a pretzel. Yep. It was so close.

So close. And then we could have had that Cheney administration we all craved. Trump could have easily died of COVID. And Biden passed away three weeks ago. Kenny Loggins is already working on the soundtrack for that movie, baby. Here we go. We would rather hear that inaugural than attend the ball, get a button from a waistcoat or even a lock of his hair. But that's so of the time. Right.

We're like, what are you talking about? We could get some of his hair, have a button, maybe a whisper of a nail. Are they saying get a button from Taff's waistcoat? Yeah. Like the one that exploded and pierced someone in the head through the crowd. I think that's what they're saying.

Yeah. Yeah. But if we have a Calvary display in front of the inaugural stand where he speaks and a lot of pompous fellows in pretty togs get it into their heads that all the democratic crowd of folks we call the common people who would hear him gladly will be backed out and off into the park from the plaza, as was the case when Mr. Roosevelt was inaugurated and was not the case when Mr. McKinley met the man. Okay.

So he's saying that there's going to be so many people that are going to get pushed so far away. They can't hear. Right. It's also, it's possible that this next inauguration, we're also going to be going, God, would y'all take off the stupid fucking hats? Yeah. Yeah.

That's very true. Kind of. Without a doubt. Please forfend such a deprivation for us and aid us in getting near enough to Mr. Taft, who look into his face and hear his honest, earnest words. That's all we came for. Well, I signed several of us, several signed several of us.

By the way, 100 percent alone, no doubt. It was just originally said like Eddie McRee and a bunch of guys, just a dude who can't afford a hat. Wrote a letter. Yep. Big hats. Hey, Dave, let me ask you, this will take two seconds. Aside from getting stuck in a tub, is Taft good, bad or in the middle? I don't know anything about Taft.

I don't think he ever got, I think that's a made up. But, but I think he was too brief to really have any. Oh right, cause he died from being real, he got stuck in a tub and died. He drowned in a tub, he wouldn't, he was stuck. How long was he president? But not a lot of people know he didn't slip into the tub, he was trying to get ham out of the drain.

I know he was. He was. Not a ham out of the drain. I know he was. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Not a lot of people know that. Where is my tub ham? He dropped his Monte Cristo in the water. It makes it easier to slide down my gut. Bill, no. He was there for four years.

I really don't like tasks when they just kind of just don't really pay attention to like. Yeah, I didn't think so. We don't apologize. I mean, he was like in the shadow of Roosevelt, like, you know. No, he was in the shadow of no man, sir. Once rioting parade. We all did.

Pennsylvania thinks troops of Keystone State are too monotonous. God, these complaints are awesome. The world clearly was so great back then if these are the things people are upset about. There's too many ads and things are the same. I don't want big hats out in public and let's give a variety to these parades. Editor, I am a loyal Pennsylvanian, but I must confess it becomes very monotonous to watch a solid phalanx of Pennsylvania bluecoats march for two or three hours in an inaugural parade.

Would it not be possible to sandwich in between some of the civic clubs with unique costumes? It would certainly please the spectators. It would not hurt the Pennsylvania troops. This guy's gonna renounce Pennsylvania over this. Yeah, I'm a loyal Pennsylvanian but these parades but I can't take it. He wants a little flavor He wants a little why he who wants to watch dudes in and just soldiers marching for two hours If that's all it I mean I when I was a kid there would be like good Quote-unquote good parades, there would be like, quote unquote, good parades. And I'd be like, can we leave?

Yeah, I was about to say, like, I'm sort of jealous at the excitement. You can tell that like television really changed the world because before television, people were like, there's a parade, see? And like, they just, everyone went to it. All the dads, everyone was having a good time. The ticker tape parade. Like you look at the photos and like everyone's so happy now Like they're I'm not kidding. They're literally having a parade in my hometown right now

like right outside my door and like I Wish that like it was also the purge, you know So I could just go kill everyone that went to the parade and be like there's no way your vote is good It would be a good way to really call the herd and yeah who goes to a parade, we don't really need them. Yeah. The gay parades are fine. Anyone who sets the chair out more than two days in advance. Yes.

The town next to mine has a parade. I want to say on the 4th of July of a year, or maybe it's Veterans Day. But when I first moved here. Same day. Yeah, come on, Dave. Right, so the same, the day I moved here, right around when I moved here, they had a convertible.

The last thing in the parade was a convertible, and inside of it was a cardboard cutout of Reagan. And someone shot it. No, that's really Reagan. Okay. Put curb on impure food. Inauguration visitors are to be protected against the sale of them by impure food while in Washington.

Okay. Yesterday and last night, 12 arrests were made of violators of the district health regulations. Sandwich men were found selling sandwiches and pies from baskets. Oh, man. We just did...

What did we do? We did an episode in Australia called The Flying Piemen. Yeah. And it was fucking crazy. But like selling street pies was just so almond and the setup. Amazing. So you probably you know about this, obviously, Corey.

Are you a flying pie man? Do you do pie stuff? No. Well, no. But here's the thing about pies. How much time do you have, first off? That's a great, by the way, that is like a Ted Talk opening I'm dying for. Yeah, here's the thing about pies. No, like when I hear of other countries having like street pies and meat pies and all this kind of shit

that we don't have in America, I just am like, how in the fuck is that not an us thing? I agree, yeah. You know what I mean? I don't, I'm sure that me and you have talked about this because I make fun of you for your dual citizenship all the time and wonder why you don't do more to lobby

between the countries of things that they have that we would be better at. But like meat pies over there are just like really nice hot pockets and we eat the fuck out of hot pockets over here and are super fat. So like, why is the chicken pot the limit to our meat pie selection? It makes no sense.

And now you're telling me that these people are on the streets. I don't think it's my fault. I really, that's what I take issue with more than anything. Can I get dual citizenship? How easy was that? Was it a very simple process for you? On behalf of the United Kingdom, no. Okay.

Wow. Well, so now you represent them. Yes. To keep you out. To keep me out, yes. But to keep me eyes in, no. After your opening of the show today, you're not United Kingdom material.

Right. Gareth, do you remember when you got citizenship and you could go everywhere in Europe and then a couple of months later you couldn't? I actually don't even think, I don't even know if I ever could, but I started the process as an out. You know, the EU, I was like, I'm going to go to Spain. And it was just like, they were just like, no, we've left that deal because of fish.

I was like, you fucking idiots. Eeeew. Eeeew. The best people on earth in the past 20 years are the people who were English living in Spain and voted for Brexit and then found out they had to leave Spain. That's so phenomenal. Well, and a lot of and voted for Brexit and then found out they had to leave Spain. That's so phenomenal.

Well, and a lot of people voted for Brexit because one of the, I mean, they sold them a whole bunch of shit, obviously, but the UK passport is kind of a maroon color. And they were told that if they left the EU, they could get blue passports. That's not a joke. You swear to God?

Swear to God. That was it? That was part of it. I don't like the monotony in blue passports. That's not a joke. You swear to God? I swear to God. That was it? That was part of it. I don't like the monotony in these passports. Yeah, people are like... And I remember the night Brexit went through, my mother was, for whatever reason, we went out to eat. My mother had had a few too many and Brexit passed.

We were in LA. And she goes, oh, God, it's awful. What does it mean? And as the time went on, I was like, that actually was such a great question. Yeah, right? Yes, it was really the condensed version of what had happened.

My wife says that a great deal about everything that's going on in America, because it's so indicative of, even if you don't know what's going on, I just burped a little bit, even if you don't know what's going on, you can, I just burped a little bit. Even if you don't know what's going on at a base level, you can still tell what disgusts you and what's wrong. Like Amber, she will see something that she's read nothing about, but she will just sense

it. She's like, this is evil. Please explain to me why it's evil. And then I will. And she's like, I fucking knew it. And I'm like, yeah, I mean, I gotta give it up. You did. See, I get that where, and it's most times where someone will like bring something up

and then I'll just be like shouting duopoly and I'll watch someone's eyes go vacant. And I'll be like, anyway, are you good? For the record, most of the time, most of the time when Amber's like, what does this mean? I'll be like, you don't know what this means? Hold on just a second and I'll tell you. And then I'll go listen to an episode of the dollop and then I'll be like, and

then I'll tell her only the day I have an app that takes Gareth out so you can just hear the facts. You got the doll app. Yeah. The doll app people use of that. Yeah. Yeah. Really good.

An annoyed man saying true things. Just like disparaging jokes that you can't hear. Yeah, right. Just like, are you happy with yourself? Uh... False mustache in murder. Oh my god. That's just fantastic.

In murder? Yes. Yep. False mustache. Uh... The first disguise. That was a huge era for false mustaches. Yeah, it was. Hamilton, Ontario.

At least the police have got a clue, and clue is spelled C-L-E-W. At least the police have got a clue on which to work in reference to the Ethel Kinraid murder mystery. Detectives will go to Richmond, Virginia to ascertain if a certain man, whose name and address have been supplied, was in Hamilton on the day of the murder. The theory is that he bore a grudge against Florence and shot Ethel in mistake. The girls look very much alike. That's not a great grudge if you can't recognize the person that you want to kill, even if they're similar.

Yeah. You know what I mean? A real grudge is you can't get the person's face out of your mind. It's just there. Yeah, right. Like my wife looks like a great mini-a-lady, but I've never screamed at a random blonde with huge tits You know just thinking it was her like hey I had a dream and you told me I could accomplish it. Oh wait never mind

What's your name? Amber to well yeah Like usually you know I'm gonna stab Yeah, I want to know Yeah, what if this was Corey's last podcast? Yeah. Yeah.

I shall die in a bed like a gentleman. People will be like, it was he put in a hell of a play. He was everywhere at once. This guy was all over the field today. That's what they would say about today's performance. This guy was playing deep. He was doing special teams. I'm so sorry. I know I'm never getting asked to come back.

You're going to stick around for another one right after. I would love to. That would get me out of a party. A black mustache was purchased by a man answering the Virginians description. The police are confident that Flores is not telling all she knows. While being interviewed by detectives,

she collapsed under the strain. Yeah, bullshit. That's so. Bullshit, absolutely. I don't know, man. Women used to just fall out back then. That was a thing. You don't see it a lot now.

And I do know that scientifically, it's been explained with corsets, because women used to wear corsets because like they Oh my god, so like you like in all those movies a woman would just catch in the south We call it getting the vapors. Yeah Yeah, and then you and then you fall out and you don't see it as much anymore Like women just don't and maybe it's because they have more rights I don't know but like they don't just fall over as much as they used to. Of course it has gotta be a part of it.

I mean, when you're laced up like a Doc Marten, that's not a great way to just be rolling through your day. Like these poor women were wearing 17 overcoats and one of them was tied so tight around them. Guys will struggle with taking a bra off. Imagine going back there, you're like, Jesus Christ, this might not be worth it. When we were at Disney, every single time I clicked the arm band on the ride,

it would click just a little too much on my gut. And I spent the entire ride having a panic attack, and I was like, this is what a Victorian woman went through every day of her life. Who are you? Enjoy Space Mountain, sir. It is shocking to me that this country has not come up with better rollercoaster gut technology. Yeah. Like if there's one thing we should have cracked. Yeah, I know. There's no nuance to it.

It's just, the click is this far apart, so it's like, oh, your gut has to be within certain clicks. Otherwise, you're either not protected or you can't breathe the whole time And I should at the park. They should be like, what's your mush number? Alright, we're just gonna put you at a six. I'm a six mush. Alright, give him a mush six Turns out it's not a small world after all Sorry, that was bad, but it's all right. it's all right. Everything, yeah, it's all on board here. Cut it. Cut it.

Florence's lover, a clerical student, intervened and placed his hand over her mouth just as she was about to say something. That's a, I would much rather the shush finger than the like full hand. Yeah, right, full mouth. Yeah. But what kind of, like that's a weird thing to do while being questioned by police,

just you put your hand over her mouth. As if the police were just going to go, all right, strike that from the record. Anyways, go on. Well, I guess she doesn't know. She's gone silent. Yes. The detective wrenched it away and a row ensued, the girl meanwhile going into a complete fate. The officers are convinced the girl would have made damaging admissions if not stopped. They're like, man, we almost had this murder solved, but that guy put his hand over that lady's mouth. Well, boys, back to headquarters. This case is wide open still.

That really is how it was back then. They were just like, well, the guy didn't allow her to speak. So how would we know? Unfortunately, she's pled husband. Yeah. It's, you know, what are you going to do? Yep. Saloon in the middle of the street.

Nice. That's a bad place for a saloon. That's a great place for a saloon. That's true. Just cars having to weave in around it. Yeah. Yeah, just guys stumbling out. Yeah. Just into a train.

Because so many breweries and saloons are within its precincts, Milwaukee has. Oh, yeah. This is, of course, your town. Number one. Milwaukee has often been called the city of beer, and even the cream city, because of the color of the foam of the beer glasses. Because of what beer does to the men of the town. Those are two opposite things to be number.

We're either the beer city or the city of cream. Someone pick. Yeah. Eric Clapton was from there, so. That's true. But no one ever expected to hear that the city administration of Milwaukee had built a saloon. Yet that is what it has done.

Recently, when it was decided to replace one of the street bridges, a saloon was found to occupy the property needed in building the new bridges. So is there a chance that Milwaukee was like, well, you got to build a better bridge. And they're like, you know what's got a bridge on top of it is a saloon kind.

And they're like, that can work, but a functioning bridge bar. What you need to go across over there for if you just got a bar right here? No need for the bridge. If you need to go across the bridge, just drive over a saloon. Right. The city has therefore built a new saloon

for the man who owned the old one. What is going on? And has placed it in the center of the roadway where the streetcars will run when the new bridge is completed. So what was the thing? I mean, I get it. They're just like, we'll figure it out. Trains can go to true bars.

Hey, I think they didn't. I think it's because they owned the property and they didn't know where else to build it. Maybe. It's quite a town. It's the city of Kareem. It's a great town. It was argued that if the city took away a man's business, it should return his business to him.

So Milwaukee has the oddest saloon in the world, a municipal saloon in the middle of a street. I was just bullshitting earlier and thought that they had worded it weird. Uh, but it turns out we, we were right. Yeah. They built like an island. Yeah, right. Like a comedian bar.

That's what they did. They built an island in the middle of the street. A beautiful island. Is that... Well, you don't know because you're reading a paper and it doesn't predict the future, but like, what the fuck happened? I just can't even comprehend what they just did. But this is 1909.

Now you've got to understand there's not like... Being in the middle of the street in 1909 is way different than being in the middle of the street now. That's true. That's true. You know what I mean? Because it's like it's mostly horses. Yeah. Right. Yeah. There's some cars now. There's some, but not many. But like only the rich people do and they don't use bridges. They get on their they put their car on their boat and go across the water. Put it on the servant's back. That's right. Carry my car, servant. Move it. and go across the water. They put it on the servant's back. That's right. Carry my car, servant. Move it.

I mean, I just wish there was a picture, but I can't find one. Because like, so when was the mon- hold on, I'll look it up. You don't have to- I want to know when the first car was because I don't know. 1901. Was it really 1901? I don't know. Okay. God damn it, Gareth.

I was already on there. First car. It's your fault for believing what I said could be true. Yeah, you should never do that. OK, 1886. 1886 is the first car. But like, it would have, you know, only the Opulent were getting them, still had them in 1909.

So like, if you're just having to go around on your horse, that's fine, because you know, like a horse will do it on its own. You know, I found that's the best thing about a horse is that they won't just run into another horse because you're like, do it. They'll stop. They have autonomy. Sure. You know, and we have Tesla. Right? Yeah. Same thing. Yeah. I saw a pink one yesterday, like a pink Tesla, a pink Tesla truck. And this woman was driving it and we pulled up beside her and the look on her face was just like I know I know I we were saying we were talking about that at one point like it's I

Cybertruck drivers were like boys a lot of people taking pictures Like every time you're like, oh look, here's one It's like when you used to see a DeLorean and you'd be like, whoa Like that would happen after back if you that's like now the opposite sensation see a DeLorean and you'd be like, whoa, like that would happen after back to the, that's like now the opposite sensation of a cyber truck. You're like, whoa, instead of time traveling, you're like, dip shit. And the thing is like you had to pre-order them so long ago. And so the narrative around them, what, like when you pre-ordered it, the narrative around

it wasn't as bad. And it took so long for it to get here that it's like, imagine having to like schedule when you're gonna jerk off or something like that. And then I don't know how this metaphor works, but then like- I think it's already lost, but keep going. Yeah, it's gone. But then like, you know, it's 3 PM and you're like,

I thought I'd have been alone or like, I don't know. I don't fucking know how, but I'm just saying like, you make a lot of decisions when you're pre-ordering stuff and then it shows up and like yeah Elon has said some insane things yes yes many and then you've also seen like the Cybertruck can't turn right and stuff yeah and it just closes on your fingers it's great it's awesome Scarlett Letteremobile it's incredible how bad that is you know you know insurance companies are now refusing to insure it.

So people are just buying a car they can't drive. That's awesome. Well, if you don't, you're woke. Oh, sure. Yeah, that'll teach you. What are you going to do? At least bathrooms are pretty clear. Sorry.

Because recently, when it was decided to replace one of the street bridges, a saloon was found to occupy the property needing and building a new bridge. The city has therefore built a new saloon for the one man who owned the old one and has placed it in the center of the roadway where the street cars will run when the new bridge is completed. It was argued that if the city took away a man's business, it should be returned. Okay.

So that's what they did. They- I mean, I agree with that. It's street cars. It's street cars. So they can make the street cars go around the building. So it's not that big of a deal. Yeah. And you're right.

It's just an island. Like they build islands and roads all the time. I think we should get back to this. I know I couldn't agree more. And cars went 12 miles an hour in 1909. So it was fine. I think we were, you know, maybe applying our own logic to it. That happens. I haven't had logic in any generation. I don't know what I'm saying.

Proud of you. Thank you. Proud of you too. Thanks guys. I know this is my last episode, so thank you. Without question. Yeah. Possum has taught his place. Jesus Christ. That's me just now. These headlines are fantastic.

Possum has taught his place. The coiforster story. Here a possum. It may well be as some of the inmates of the Bronx Zoological gardens believe that the new and The inmates wow they really said it back then how did I like it crazy to call this? That's what they should be called. What do you in for being an animal wrong? I was a possum from when I was born till now

animal wrong. I was a possum from when I was born till now. Yeah. Yeah. They believe that the new anteater is no gentleman, but the fact remains that he knows his rights and can assert them. What are they talking about? What the fuck are they actually talking about? He turned down champagne in the game of roulette, but he also is pretty good lawyerly.

This anteater knows his rights. Yeah. The libertarian anteater. Yeah. Well, there's no anteaters in America, right? They're just. No, not on purpose. No, exclusively on purpose, I guess.

No, there's no, no. Oh, Florida. The anteater. Yeah. That's what I'm wondering if like Florida would have any, but cassowaries. The anteater is a recent arrival from South America. There's nothing in common with the taper, also reputed to live on ants, but is a member

of the sloth family and is happiest when swinging head downward from a branch. How the fuck would you know? Yeah, I love that stuff. How would you know? He might be happiest when he's eating ants. Wow, look at him. He couldn't be happier. He's in a branch. How the fuck would you know? Yeah, I love that stuff. How would you know? He might be happiest when he's eating it. Well, look at him, he couldn't be happier. He's in a zoo. Look at how happy he is.

Yeah, I love when they do that sometimes. They're like, did you know shrimp dream in colors? It's like, what? Hold on. That is truly the best when they're just like, I mean, all the time there's like facts like that where they're like, frogs are bipolar. Right, and I'm like... I mean, all the time there's like facts like that where they're like, frogs have... frogs are bipolar. Right. And I'm like, I'm sorry, I'm not a smart man.

And then you could list a bunch of other things I'm not after that, but I'm not a smart man. But I just feel like whatever technology you just use to determine what color a shrimp dreams in could be applied to cancer somehow? I don't know. It's same stuff when someone will be like, the amount of times that people in my life have been like, well, that's why drowning is the worst way to die.

Right, how do you know? Okay, bring them to me. I want to ask them follow-ups. Yeah, that's right. Like, I guess the only way you can know that is like someone who almost drowned and they're like, well, that's the worst way to die, but it's like. Like, I guess the only way you can know that is like someone who almost drowned and they're like, well, that's the worst way to die. But it's like, okay, go talk to someone.

But even then they haven't had other ways of dying. That's what I'm saying. And it's like, okay, get with a goat. You get them with someone who almost burned to death and let's make a pros and cons live. Yeah, and have them, and literally it would just be an argument. One guy would be like, yeah, I don't know, burning was horrible and the drowning guy would be like, yeah, drowning is worse. We'reham was horrible and the drowning guy. It drowns worse. We're going to have to burn the Drowned Man just to see.

And drown the Bernie. That's right. It's magenta, by the way. Wow. What shrimps dreaming? Oh, Jesus, thank God. No, I knew what he meant. Yeah, me too. I keep the thread.

Yes, you do. When the anteater joined the colony, there was no cage for his reception and he was put with the possums. That is fucking crazy. That is so fucked up. That is so fucked up. That is so fucked up. I've been here with this.

Like, ill-milled. Charge. Yeah, OK, fine. What's the worst that could happen? They're basically the same. Who knows? He found Possum Society in a state of abject submission. Insane. Insane. What, they found his diary?

An absolutism, pure and simple, having been established with one Taft as the unquestionable monarch. So Taft is the name of the head possum. We are in late stage possumalism. King possum. Taft is a possum of great size and beauty who was presented to the gardens about a month ago by a friend of the president-elect and whose pleasure it has since been to remind the other possums of their lowly and actually being conditioned.

This is crazy. King Anteater. He has been encouraged in this by the petting he has received and nothing was too good for him when the anteater put in an appearance. This is insane. This is really insane. Taff surveyed the anteater with a glance of superior disdain. A disdain. It's a fucking possum looking at an anteater. Like there's no drama. There's no disdain. The possum'sum just like what the fuck you could cut this tension with a knife is it just me or does it seem like they've maybe known each other before this oh 100 they've met before this look at him as a matter of fact the anteater is not a pre-possessing

animal and is without pretension. Okay, so the animal- Oh, I've always said that. It's crazy. I've always said that. Ant eaters, I mean, it's not just that they're always sucking off the earth, but they're one of the most down-to-earth animals you'll ever meet.

Last anteater I was with, he was like, what are you doing tonight? I'd like to re-watch Hobbs and Shaw. So chill. Just so regular. Oh, they put their pants on one snout at a time just like us. That's right. You always see them at Hooters. They go to Hooters all the time.

Oh, yeah. Don't let them hold the bag is what I say. Yeah. So Taft undertook to show him his place, which in Taft's estimation was a very unimportant one. The anteater took it quietly enough until Taft nosed him away from the supply of food. When we say Taft, we're talking about a possum, right? Oh, so I misunderstood. I thought it was the president. No, this is about an anteater being put in a cage with Taft, the president. Oh, yeah.

No, I thought they named... Hold on. Okay, maybe you're fucking with me. I thought there was a large... Okay. All right. I was about to say but boy What if a president's first week in office part of what he did was go into a zoo and hang out with an animal at a cage Yeah And then hanging out with a sloth and then he reported back like I thought he was gonna be stuffy and pretentious But turns out not at all. So I got along great with the sloth. He's just. Trump spent his first week in his office with a sloth.

The anteater would take such treatment from no possum, and things began to happen. The South American has long claws, which he doubles up like fists when not engaged in raking. Imagine watching this. Ant hills. Get in there, break it up. But he lost no time in entering the ring.

Both were members of the club. I was about to say, when you started this off, you were like, the South American has long claws. I was like, this does sound like an MMA introduction. It does. Well, you put in a different species in a cage and now they're fighting. Yeah. The rematch we've all been waiting for.

Both were members of the club as the anteaters saw it and even if his opponent was Taft and Wade Moore, it was a lively go lasting one short round during which poor Taft went down under a bewildering shower of blows. He was attacked. It was a bad strategy. I love how when you fight different animals, yeah, I love when you fight different animals, it's science, but when it's the same animal, Michael Vick can't play football anymore. You know what I mean?

Cory. Well, I'm just saying, like, they're like, we want to see how an anteater responds. It's like, we just want to see how this pit bull responded to this other pit bull. I mean I'm not my heart. He should have been listen. I'm saying just cut this to save your career. I don't care I love dogs No, I mean I did but like It would have been interesting to see him continue in his career.

He did continue. He played with the Eagles. He did and he did very good. And then it made you think. Of course they put him on a team with an animal. Yeah, but you know, it made you think like, what if he had those five years back? Not all of us. Yeah.

Well, just saying if he had done it at a zoo and had a cockatoo go up against a marmot, everybody would have been like, wow. Not wrong. Yeah. And if David Attenborough narrated it, who knows? That's right. When it was over, the unthroned monarch sought in a very small corner and own defeat.

No, he was beaten up by an antedict. What's going through your head right now? Just a train so freaking hard and came out here and look, the better species won. He was ready to go. He came in here. He was caught in the walk and he showed me exactly what's going on, but what can I do? I'm going to lick my wounds and hope that I get another day to fight him after training a little bit and spend some time with my wife and kids and get a better game plan together.

But I'll be honest, I should have played dead earlier. That would have been smart. I regret is I did have that Trump card of playing dead for a little while. I didn't toss that out there. So I got to live with that one. Well, that's it. Wow. What a ride. Wow. Yeah. Cory, in many ways.

So right at the end, I was like, you know what, Michael Vick. Yeah, you really you you if whatever the spectrum is today, it's been covered by you individually. You so sorry. Came in with just some firsts, some legendary stuff. I feel like you're just trying to get everyone to go to bonus Corey dot com, which I am obviously I'll be joining But but what a ride you you took us on today

Thank you the paper opened for Corey today. Thank you guys. I'm glad that you had me and again I know every time I'm here. I know it will be my last show Yes, so I really appreciate y'all having me here. And y'all were gentlemanly hosts. By that we mean you're gonna die. I think that when both of you die, the street is not good enough for how much of a gentleman you are.

That's so sweet. Thank you. Thank you. I'm very, I want, let's real quick before we let you go. I think the first text I'll get from Burns when he edits this will be, Oh my god, Cory and the farts! Exclamation point, exclamation point, exclamation point. Should I keep it in?

That's what it'll be. Please do. We have no choice. Okay, good. Because I'm really proud of my work as a Foley artist. We have no choice. Yeah. Well, like, and I know it's funny, but I'm proud of my work as a foley artist. We have no choice. Yeah. Well, like, and I know it's funny,

but I'm being serious. I'd really do that. Nobody here is accusing you of fo files. That would be the thing that pissed me off the most if they were like, he doesn't save them forks. Yeah. Yeah, he just Googled a random fart. I'll like show you, you can see my butt in it.

Oh. Okay. You got spreaded. Yeah, you just Google a different random fart. I like show you can see my butt in it. Okay. All right, Corey, our forester on social media. That's right. Thank you for joining us, Corey. Really just a Hall of Fame performance today. And if you enjoy this show and want something not as good, listen to putting on airs with me and Trey Crowder. That's great.

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