The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 88 - The Past Times with Katie Boyle

Episode Date: August 23, 2024

Dave Anthony picks a newspaper from a day in history and reads it to co-host Gareth Reynolds. This week they are joined by comedian Katie Boyle Redbubble Merch

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dolop to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. domain. All right, everybody. Welcome to the Past Times Podcast. Each week we go through an old newspaper from a random date in history picked out by Dave Anthony. I'm Gareth Reynolds and I've never seen it before and neither is our guest this week, Katie Boyle. Hi, Katie.

How are you? I'm good. Thanks for having me. Thank you for joining us. I met you when you opened for me in Vermont and now I'd probably be opening for you. Does that feel good for you? Are you happy with that? No, you wouldn't be opening for me. We're equals now. We co-headlined, but you'd go last. That's what would happen. I think Garret's going down. He froze. I don't think he liked the equals thing. He was like, no, I can't deal with this. That's some kind of sign from God.

Right? Yeah. I'm back. So, Katie, you have a podcast also. So you're coming at us. Yeah, you've been on it. It's called The Shift. The Shift. And then you also have your specials on the YouTubes. Where can people find that? It's just at Katie Boil Comic. It's called I'll Do It Myself. Come watch it.

It's fun. Great work. And you're Irish? I'm Irish. Congratulations. How's that? That been good? I love it.

It's better than being American. Do you live here though? I live here, yeah, yeah, yeah. So when I go back, they call me American. Yeah, oh, brutal. You get the worst of both worlds. Don't you? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Literally because I'm in Minnesota, I said, could I have ham at the subway and he had to get someone else to translate. And then she thought I was saying half my accent isn't that hard. But then I go back to Ireland. They're like, you've such an American accent. So I'm like losing in both places. My mother deals with that. My mother also gets accused of

like putting it on like she her accents definitely faded a little she's pushing it like that happens. Wow. Yeah. You can't win. Alright listen we've had a great opening. Things are going real good so far. Now well I like to guess the year of this newspaper that we're going to go through. And I will go first with the guess. It's just how the show works. Sorry, should have read the fine print. I'm going to guess that this paper is from the year 1891. And Katie, you're more than welcome to also take a stab at this. 1982. But know that he was.

1982 is great. I thought of that number before you said 18, whatever, the similar numbers. You $1 me on the Price is Right is what you did. Yeah, I swear. I'd already thought of that in my head. OK. All right, Dave.

Well, Price is Right rules are in effect, and it is 1905. And Katie wins. That's not true. Katie doesn't. It's weird that Gareth has never won. Because the rules have been tilted in the favor of the guest every time. Well, it's just that maybe you're not that great at it.

It is the, why the sign? It is the Crabtree Saturday Press. Crabtree Saturday. From Chattanooga, Tennessee. Chattanooga? I was just there. August 19th. Okay. Were you? Yeah.

August 19th, 1905. Did you do a show there or were you just passing through? Comedy catch. Was it wonderful? Yeah, it was. It was great. It was a great time. I enjoyed the hell out of it. You see, Dave, I'm not like you. I mix it up with anyone. I don't. I know. We shut off. I avoid the country.

I was very clear. It's a big part of America. That is the most spreading. They would say. Yes. Yes. All right. Let's. Uh, page page one mosquitoes kill canaries oh shit is that seems very specific it's bound to happen yeah no it's exactly what you think so because am I allowed to make a guess yes yeah oh

thanks is it because they were annoyed with the canaries? Because mosquitoes don't like humans, so they were annoyed with the canaries, warning them by dying about gas leaks in the caves. So then the mosquitoes started attacking the canaries. That is a corkboard theory. That is yarn and corkboard. The mosquitoes are trying to double kill people

by not just being a mosquito and carrying some sort of correct Virus or infection, but also they want people to die in the coal mines I'm coming around to it a little bit more, but they're definitely like they're like bro. Why are you even going in the coal mine? They're gonna kill that they're not sending you down there for a vacation. The canaries are like what are you talking about? The canaries are em. What are those dogs? The canaries are like, what are you talking about? The canaries are one of those dogs, golden retrievers of birds. Yeah, just like big dumb smiling idiots

willing to do anything for man. They're not dumb. Come on. Golden retriever's not a dumb dog. Jesus, here we go. What just happened? Katie, I'm sorry. I don't take golden retriever's slander on here.

That's a fine animal Have you been called a golden retriever before this is such Katie isn't he big so American right now? It depends I guess you're being like a liberal American this is why you don't like to go to Chattanooga The plague of mosquitoes in Maryland is so bad, the people find them almost intolerable. Yeah, for sure. They're the worst. Birds are being bitten to death by the merciless insects. Wow.

You know what? This is good news for cats though, because everybody's blaming cats for the death of birds It's the mosquitoes. Yeah. Yeah, okay new theory The cats have been talking to the mosquitoes because they want the bird more birds. Uh-huh. I'm going other side Yeah, okay Both are good Numbers of canary birds left exposed have died as a result of having the life blood sucked from their small bodies by the insects at night. Is this Bram Stoker writing this

article? Yeah I think that it that's not what's happening I think that they're probably maybe giving them a disease of some kind it's like a bird flu situation. The thinking around the turn of the century is that they are just these little things are just sucking all the blood out of the century is that they are just these little things Are just sucking all the blood out of the canaries I mean, do you know how many mosquitoes would take to suck all the blood out of a canary so that it died? It's a lot of mosquitoes. Is that a game show? That could be a game show. Yes Yes

All right. Well, good luck to Maryland. Yeah, and their canaries Took jokes seriously When James Garan of Chicago came home drunk his wife told him he had better go and jump in the lake and drown himself All right said Garan and he did Hey, darling. Yeah, what? Yep, yeah Wow And he died? Yeah. What? He just... Yeah. Wow. Sobbing over the dead body of her husband, Miss Garan said she was only joking.

I don't know who... I mean, that's the best way to win an argument, right? There is something really enjoyable about the idea that you're like... You've ever done that where you just do that, like think of it like, well, I bet if I drown, they'd all be really upset. Like he took that. He was like, fuck it. I'm going. I will ruin her life by taking mine. Just knowing that she'll feel guilt forever. Yes. Yes. Forever. He's a legend. Yes. I love it. He's our toxic hero. Also to self drown is very. Yeah, that's nice. Can say it's really hard to self drown. very yeah that's nice can say it's

really hard to self drown yeah cuz your instinct drunk you just go you just go to sleep yeah you just take it yeah I guess a face down water nap did you say a kip yeah that's right his English comes out around me I know it's offensive right like he's like lording it over you. Just having a bit of a kip. What? What? Remember what my people did to you?

Yeah, right? That's what's going on here. Not you went on the kip. He starts pushing me out of the screen. He colonizes the scene. Take over the riverside feed. Anyway, I'll be doing Katie's material for the rest of this.

I'm a shamrock. Oh great. Wow, all right, that guy's awesome. I'm super into that guy. We like him. You like that guy? Yeah, I like him a lot. I like him a lot.

I don't wanna be with him, but I'm sure he was very emotionally abusive. Yeah, well, obviously. Yeah, he clearly had problems. He went and self drowned when his wife told him to. I mean, he showed her. Or else he's the best husband ever. Well, do you fall on the side where you think it... To me, I think he was just trying to be... Like he was trying to make her upset, but there's also the part that maybe he was like, okay, like is he just totally empty-headed? Yeah, or maybe he was just tired over shit and he's like, all right, fuck her. I definitely think it was a fucker

All right. Yeah, either way. It's how you do it Hero, you're out Pouring oil notoriously dumb brutes occupy seats in aldermanic bodies in every city of the country. Sure. But occasionally, one of the lobsters annihilates argument and cuts red tape with a witticism of unconscious force.

I'm so confused. Nobody's sure what's happening okay so Alderman's are idiots but lobsters cut through the red tape but a lobster like the thing in the sea yeah yeah yeah with the big big pinchers they do you guys not have lobsters in Ireland we do we actually in if you want to say like small world in Irish, it translates into English as there's a, how weird there's a lobster here. So yeah.

What? I don't understand. What are you talking about? The proper small world in the Irish language is how weird there's a lobster here. Now that you're saying it does it feel strange? I feel like it made sense to you until you just said it to us and now you're like that is crazy. It's really weird. It's weird when you say something and then you realize how weird your people are. Yeah, I've done that. So there's lobsters in Ireland. OK. But I guess not a lot.

But you guys don't understand them at all. Not a lobster. Yeah. Well, didn't lobster? Lobster wasn't like at one point lobster was what? It was like a poor food. It was like, eat that. And then it just, right?

Wasn't it? Yeah, because it's like a cockroach, technically. They call it the potato of the sea, Gareth. What, Katie? Katie, I'm sorry. That's anti-Irishism. Yeah, what the hell? I'm sorry. Katie, I've done Irish accents on our shows a lot, which I will not do in front of you, but man, I'll tell you, the Irish fans really come out with vitriol when I do it. American Irish? The Irish Irish don't seem to matter. It's the American Irish. Yeah, it is. It's insecure. No, no, I think, I think probably because they're used to growing up with maybe their parents Irish accent and then, and then they're living here, having people mimic

a bad Irish accent at them all the time. So I guess in Ireland, they're not, they don't get that. Mine's great. No. Would they be attacking you if it was? I refuse to believe it's me. I don't want to talk about it anymore. I'm going to go to the lake. Go drown yourself. You'll eat those words, Katie Boyle.

I'm going to with a bit of water right now. Land drowning. OK, I'm going to read this one more time. But this guy found a thesaurusaurus and he just went crazy with it. Occasionally, one of the lobsters, so he's talking about he's calling the alderman lobsters. Yeah, which I don't want to the lobsters Watson alderman. So an alderman is like a like a councilman like a local, like sort of city guy that you know. But occasionally one of the lobsters and nightlights argument

and cuts red tape with a witticism of unconscious force and keenness. So sometimes an alderman is accidentally smart. Yes. Not me. I didn't understand that. It's definitely a word puzzle. I was still like, where is the lobsters coming out of? I really think it might be because they're cutting through red tape is what he might be suggesting. I think you're right.

I'm not sure. Yeah, I think you're right. was discussing the advisability of pouring standard oil on the ponds and cesspools of the city in order to exterminate mosquitoes. Again, we haven't bad mosquito time in 1805 or 1905. And we're using the most American solutions. We're like little oil, little oil and water out of fix it. We'll kill all the fish, We'll kill all the fish. Kill all the fish as well.

Kill all the lobsters, but then our canaries will be okay to send down into our carbon emitting fuel source. It shows how much oil they thought they had then. Like it's so different. Yeah. They were just like, we got the oil. Oh, we had fuck you oil. This is 1905, so we're just blowing oil oil everywhere like oil is all over the place. Yeah, I say blowing oil a lot

Thank you. Yeah, I do Yeah, an inquiring member of the board said somebody might set a match to the oil So that's the drawback to the oil right thing not the never mind. Not that there's oil coating the pond. It's not it might burn up. Jumped another member and said, Well, that wouldn't make any difference. The mosquitoes would be burned up, wouldn't they? So everyone's an idiot, except for the one guy who's like, we shouldn't do it.

But his rationale is because it could light the water on fire. Not again, because of what it will Right. Yeah, it's quite an argument Because oil is fine. Yes, that's why they call it refining fish love it Everyone can take that back. Nope The thing you just said no You won't know you're just gonna let it...

What did you say? Refinery? I'm not gonna talk about any of it. Yeah. No, there's some tension. Oh, did you... Were you... Pfft! I missed that. Well, I said refine. I said refine. I made a...

Pretty good pun because you have to refine oil for us. Yeah, it's pretty good. What do you... I'm anti-pun. That makes sense. Yeah. He's turned on me through the course of doing shows together for 10 years. There was never a point where I enjoyed the pun.

I had more leash. You've gotten more punny. Much more punny. I had more leash. I had more leash at one point. We would go back and there would be a void of puns and now that it's a very pun-punish. It's a puncast. A puncast.

I'm punishing you. You just did that. You did that, Dave. I did. I did. I did. I want to show how easy it is and why it should be done. Yeah, that's not true. He didn't.

Maude resents familiarity. Maude. Frank Webb of Evansville, Indiana was never on speaking terms with a mule until the other day. Nobody is. No, people are. With donkeys? OK.

You've seen the v- there's tons of videos on the internet of people on speaking terms with donkeys. Okay, you've seen there's tons of videos on the internet people on speaking terms Donkeys and mules. It's not a two-way street. But yeah, you're right. I stand back I'll take talk where oh, no, is that a horse or a donkey? But he's sure it's a dog showing him his image in the mirror and he's like you're beautiful and the horse or donkey is like No, okay. Never mind That could be that sounds like a donkey I'm thinking of the one where people like send this donkey toys oh yeah the donkey fuck when the donkey got a rubber chicken that made a noise it

completely lost its fucking mind lost its mind brings up the Guinness to the highest pub in the mountain in the world, the highest Irish pub? Are you halfway through realizing you're doing another Irish thing? Am I having a stroke? Do you guys smell toast? Are you from a village where people just tell you things and you believe them? I don't want to turn this podcast on to you, but what are you talking about?

There's a dog, you know, the dog, you know, the highest Irish pub in the world, which is up some mountain and fucking somewhere over there, South Asia or somewhere, I don't know, over there. And so, or maybe there. But so they, they use donkeys to bring up the, um, what do you kegs, the kegs, the barrel, the kegs of Guinness and the donkey does okay that makes more sense I was picturing like a one pour and like Jesus that took forever and then like when the donkeys days like, you know what actually can we get two more? Sorry to do that Yeah, I was thinking like a st. Bernard, but donkey st. Bernard. Yes completely what I was thinking. Yeah, like a little bar on its back And I'm I'm I'm to bet that Katie's story is just nonsense.

And that's not a thing. It's true. I learned it on TikTok. It is true. I learned it on TikTok? That's amazing. All right, keep going. I need to look into this a little bit.

While hitching this particular mod, he held the animal's tail to prevent being switched in the face. Mod didn't fancy this familiarity and promptly let loose with her left foot and landed on the web's face with such force he will lose the sight of one eye. Oh shit. That's what he gets for pulling the tail. So that's a... Mod is a feminist icon. Yeah I know I agree. Yeah yeah yeah take down the patriarchy yeah. She was doing it in 1905. That's right. Before. Yeah that's right. Women's rights. We're all mod. Yeah.

Mod started the suffragettes movement. She was the first suffragette. That's exactly right. I would not remember that word until I said it and I was like, let's hope it comes. Yeah. It's one of those ones where you're like, I hope I get it. I get that in Rock Hats mixed up, which isn't good. By the way, I just looked it up. The Guinness donkey reel. I told you. I saw it in the video. Yeah. Going up. Yeah going up Yeah, there's the donkey that takes two kegs at a time up a mountain He's a hero Wow. Where is it? What country? Begins with a V right? No Nepal. It's Nepal Nepal Nepal. Yeah, that makes sense. I mean if it's one of the highest mountains

I mean, it's way up there highest mountains. I mean, it's way up there. It's really high. It's a, is that, is it a Guinness ad or is it just- No, this is a Guinness reality. The donkey's called the Guinness. Is it? No. But- Was the pawn, uh oh, you lost Dave. Dave has left the building. It's fine. We don't need him. He goes to the- I can just riff. What's been going on with you? Not much, you know. Hope he goes to the lake. Do you like. We don't need him. He goes to the I can just riff. What do you what's been going on with you? Not much, you know. Hope he goes to the lake. Do you like my

cat earrings? I do. Yes. Obviously. Did you wear them because you were going to do the podcast with Gareth? No, I had them with me anyway because I always wear earrings on shows. Well, I did put them in for the podcast but I had them with me already. So kind of equal. Sure. Yes. Governor Folk takes a drink. Oh, good. It has been discovered to the satisfaction of old line Democrats in Kansas and Missouri that Governor Joseph Folk

takes a drink whenever he feels like it and takes it straight. And now he is more popular than ever with the politicians as a presidential candidate. So his alcoholism is launching him to the top of the nomination. That's so insane, because at the same time, they not to make it about Irish people again, but they hated Irish, called them alcoholics. But when it's Americans, oh, a drink helps you be the president.

We're not going to start calling America hypocrites because that's something you guys do. We don't do that here. USA, number one. I should tell you guys that I did a thing at a baseball game the other day where I was allowed to do basically whatever I wanted at this pioneer league game in Colorado. And I sang the national anthem. Did you write a donkey in And I sang the national anthem. You write a donkey in. I sang the national anthem. And I'm not a great singer. And one of the players kept saying that I shit all over the American flag

because of how I did it. And he was yelling at me throughout the game. Is he serious? He was completely serious. And were you trying to be sweet by singing it or were you taking the piss? I was trying to pretty much do it well. I knew that people would get mad if I didn't do well. I tried. I'm not a great singer. So, you know, it like was not the best. But the guy thought that it was he said repeatedly that I'd taken a shit on the American flag.

People take it too serious here. It's crazy. I mean, it's also like who cares? Also the flag's just a piece of cloth. Who gives a shit? Well, it's also, we didn't restarted singing that, not that, like that became a, that's just, it's a strange combination. It shouldn't be sung at games. Irish is an Irish, so it's really hard. So I don't know the words.

So you just go, Do you stand up? If you're at a sporting event? Do you stand up if everybody else did? But right now they play zombie at the rugby games. That's kind of fun. That's become our new national anthem. Way better. That's a great. Yeah, that's a great anthem.

But yeah, you guys don't play. Nobody nobody plays their national anthems at sporting events, except by the way, taking a shit all over your flags I think we do at the end yeah like the all-irelands just like the all-irelands yeah like the finals not like yeah we do it all the time every game constantly this is a pint there were probably 45 people at this event and why I don't so did you actually shit on the flag basically towards the end why did you sing again I'm confused did you just take a the flag basically towards the end? Why did you sing again? I'm confused

Did you just take a microphone and do it? No, though. He allowed me to Because you're famous it was all set up Well, I am famous enough to do this. Yes Yeah, yeah, this is upsetting. We're gonna get a lot of letters How does it go again star-shining bangle? Yeah, yeah sing it now. Well, first of all, I found out there's like four verses. We've so we have trimmed it down There's like oh yeah verses and and there's one verse that definitely talks a little bit about slavery

So that's probably what we dropped that one. But yeah, no it starts with oh That's probably where we dropped that one. But, no, it starts with, oh, oh, see. That's how you start it. Can you sing? No. And I had a strong start. It just once it's once it went out of that, it was not good. That's when I took my people crap all over the stars and bars.

Did people applaud at the end? It's hard to yes, in the sense that they were like, the anthem was sung, but not because they were like, that was good. But one guy didn't clap, and he was on the YOLO team, that's the name of them, and he continued to shout at me throughout the game that I had crapped all over the American flag and that I hated America. Yeah, he needs to relax. God, I love this.

He needs to have some beers. I love this. I support his freedom to do that. I'm the guy who doesn't stand up or take off my hat for the anthem, so people get mad at me. Yeah, just do it. Get up!

Just do it. The governor's democracy was put to, oh, by the way, this is when there's a big fight over whether or not they should make alcohol illegal. So, it would make sense. That makes sense why they were like, this guy has a drink. Yeah, that's it. He doesn't water it down.

Like, they're gangsters. I would love to get back to the time where we were like, you got to vote. This guy gets so drunk. This guy gets so drunk. He has a donkey carry gin to the White House for him. This guy's a full blown alcoholic. I love, too too that they said it

was straight because that's why they were that's why cocktails were invented is because of prohibitions that they do water down all the drinks was before I was that right yeah so they what they needed to water them down they didn't have enough alcohol but make them taste nice at the same time so I love in that that they were like he has it straight doesn't even put the water in it funny so funny Wow we came out of that just you ever had a my time sex on the beach He has it straight. He doesn't even put the water in it. Funny. So funny. Wow. We came out of that just like, you ever had a Mai Tama?

Sex on the beach? Delicious. Yeah, at least a couple of sex on the beaches. The governor's democracy was put to the test on a train running from Dodge City to Topeka. Judge Dillard, State Senator Joe Dali, and several other politicians were on the train, and someone produced a flask of bourbon and started it around the circle. Wonder if the governor will join us, said Judge Dillard. That's a lot of pressure.

A special committee of one was sent with an invitation. This is like an after school special. Yeah. It seems like peer pressure for the governor. The governor readily accepted. He took about two fingers and then showed he was gamed by declining water as a chaser. Okay. All right, now I'll have a sip.

He took two fingers and showed he was, and I thought you were going to say gay. I was like, where did this story go? All right, put two fingers in me now, hand me that flask. There we go. You guys are questioning whether I'm a man? Well, how about this, Troy, put two fingers in me. Now hand me the booze. Governor?

Yes. The two fingers is the measurement we use for the alcohol. Well then take your hand out of my ass and let's do what you were saying. Jesus Christ, this, why, I mean, I took my pants down and there was like 45 seconds where someone could have spoken up. Anyway. Well, we were too.

We were a little shocked. Yeah, well. And the donkey noises you were making. Just to show, I'll take two sips. One for each finger that went up me. He was game by declining water as a chaser. No, I am not inconsistent, said Governor Folk. The law is the law.

And whatever laws are on the statutes of the state, I have sworn to enforce. What taste I may personally indulge does not affect my responsibility as a public official. What a weird What yeah, I'm confused again He he's oh he's he's not he is that he I think that I think he is the Governor of a dry state and he is now in a wet state and so Okay, I think that's what it is. Okay. Dry state, wet state.

This whole story is very sexual. It really, wet state is great. I get it, as a woman, I know, there's some ones like that, there's other ones. I would doubt that. We should bring back dry and wet because JD Vance is definitely dry. Oh my God, the dry, Yeah, that would be so great.

Well you know, Kansas was a wet state until JD Vance went to it. It's dry. Sandpaper town. As a matter of fact, however, Governor Volk has not taste for liquor, although he keeps it in his home for the benefit of his collars, but he is a Inventory smoker consuming 15 or 20 cigars Cigars a day in the past 40 I would vomit honestly, that's like Babe Ruth Ian that that is like literally all day. you have to have a cigar. I mean, smoking

a cigar, I smoked a cigar like two weeks ago. I don't think I've ever been like this is a joy. I'm always like, did the guys notice that I'm letting it go out a lot and I don't want like you're just sitting there? You're like, yeah. No there's nothing. I tried it a few times and it's just not fun. No, I don't like it. There's nothing good about it. Inhaling is part of the joy. Yeah, exactly. Have a cigarette. If you had a cigarette, it's like times and it's just not like it. There's nothing good about it. Part of the joy. Yeah, exactly.

Have a cigarette. If you had a cigarette, so like fair, fair. It's tough times. Yeah. Well, I've done that 20 cigarettes a day. I've rocked that fucking habit. Yeah, same. Boy, oh boy.

I used to love. Oh, I'll tell you. I'm going to go back. You ever have one now? I had one last week, which was the first time in five years, and it was so good. But I was so drunk. I was so drunk that I was like, I'm gonna have one and I won't remember. And I hid.

But then I got, I made eye contact with someone at the other end of the bar who was staying with me that night. And I was like, Oh, they're going to tell me about this tomorrow. Did you not remember it? No, I remembered it. And then I had one the next day but I haven't had one since. That was like two weeks ago. See, I am worried that if I had one that I'd do it again. I don't know. I can never have one. And that's what

I thought too. But it was five years. It was five years. But it was so good. But I had Roli so that it'd be like a little harsher. You know, I didn't have like a real cigarette because I feel like if I have a real cigarette, I'll be fucked You know a rollies a little like I got my trotts my trotts still sore from it was two weeks ago I see I always found those to be less harsh Yeah, look at us. They're like Nirvana, you know, they're like a personality Dave. When was the last time you had a cigarette? 60s We're just rising 60s? We're just razzin' ya, old man. 1905? When you wrote this article? Eat it. Eat it, Dave.

Eat it. The last time I think I smoked is when I used to drink a lot with Nick Swartzen and I can't remember his name, Clark. Kent Gable. Superman. No, the comedian Clark. He had a couple TV shows. God damn it. Whatever. They used to be So I would I would go outside and smoke with them No, no, he totally vanished but he was a big comedian for a while He vanished after all those cigars

Anthony Anthony Clark Anthony Oh, Anthony Clark. Right. Yeah, that's right. What happened? Great guy. I think he enjoyed the drinking part too much. OK, there you go. He had two TV shows.

I just think he had enough money. He had Boston Common. He was like, why am I doing this? And then he had another one. With the two couples one. Yep. Katie, anything? Oh, I don't know who he is Just anything. Yeah

Your life yeah, you're lost. He was great Sorry, he could sing the song Oh, oh no you And or also brought to you by Airbnb, ah And we're also brought to you by Airbnb. Ah, summer travel. You know what it's like. You're seeing the lights of a different city. You're trying out the food of another area.

You're watching the architecture. I really think that travel is a luxury. And sometimes you want some comfort when you're staying far away from home. That's why I always opt for an Airbnb over a hotel. You get all the comforts of home plus a little bit of the local character. And sometimes you can even make friends with your local host. Shout out Barbara. I actually stayed at her Airbnb about a half hour outside of Atlanta this summer. Just a beautiful place. She brought me fresh blueberries from her garden every morning that I was there. I was able to use her grill to cook up some food, but it was just way more of a homey vibe. I like the idea that you could kind of

pick the location a little bit more. You could kind of be off the grid a little bit more than a hotel. Hotels are kind of often put in one certain zone of a city, but you can find Airbnbs all over the place. Since I travel so much, I'm sure you're wondering, well who stays at my place when I'm gone? Am I missing out on cashing in while I'm away? Maybe. My place would make an incredible AirBnB when I'm out on the road, and yours might too. So whether you could use a little extra money to cover some bills for something more fun,

your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.ca slash host. The dollop is brought to you by Squarespace. Oh Dave. Our friends forever. We've been using Squarespace forever. We love their websites. They're crisp, they're clean, they're easy

to use. You don't have to update stuff. Well, look, we've said this over and over again, but if you want to know if we really do like Squarespace, go look at any website we're affiliated with and it is Squarespace. Oh yeah, look, they have flexible payments. You can just make the whole checkout. Flexible employees too. Those people are... It's weird. You can make the whole checkout experience seamless, very simple, very powerful. They do credit cards, Apple Pay, all the stuff, PayPal. They do it all. You can sell content. You can sell your exclusive stuff right on their site by adding a paywall. You can sell

memberships. You can sell courses, whatever. You can sell stuff. I'm doing a ropes course on my website. Is that what we're talking about? I feel like we shouldn't have you on this. Okay, keep going. And if you're a business, you can manage your clients and invoices, vetting and receiving payment. Am I allowed to speak? Because I think that's a good point. No. Go to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash dollop to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. I'm going to say it again, go to squarespace.com for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash dollop to save 10%

off your first purchase of a website or domain. Well, I am obviously a big fan of baseball. Everybody knows that they've heard the episodes. My kid plays baseball all summer long. That's all summer is now just baseball, going to games, getting in on the competition. I love the competition. He loves the competition. I have found something else that is the perfect game. Monopoly go.

It is a mobile twist on the classic Monopoly. You build your empire, you go for the gold to win. Like 150 million people have downloaded it to experience the sweet sweet joy of Monopoly Go. You can play events together, you can play with friends, and then you get bragging points, right? You can brag because you won. You got the gold. You built your empire. You're the champion. And it's great. It's a great game to play with friends. I cannot say enough. It's really fun

to play with friends. You can invite people you already know to play. You can make, you want to make new friends? Monopoly Go. And Monopoly Go has been one of the world's most successful casual mobile games since it launched last year. So make your move and download Monopoly Go now free on the App Store and Google Play. Sorry, that's how I speak. Dread. And, or also brought to you by Airbnb. Oh, summer travel.

You know what it's like. You're seeing the lights of a different city. You're trying out the food of another area. You're watching the architecture. I really think that travel is a luxury. And sometimes you want some comfort when you're staying far away from home. That's why I always opt for an Airbnb over a hotel.

You get all the comforts of home, plus a little bit of the local character. And sometimes you can even make friends with your local host. Shout out Barbara. I actually stayed at her Airbnb about a half hour outside of Atlanta this summer. Just a beautiful place. She brought me fresh blueberries from her garden every morning that I was there.

I was able to use her grill to cook up some food, but it was just way more of a homey vibe. I like the idea that you can kind of pick the location a little bit more. You can kind of be off the location a little bit more. You can kind of be off the grid a little bit more than a hotel. Hotels are kind of often put in one certain zone of a city, but you can find Airbnbs all over the place.

Since I travel so much, I'm sure you're wondering, well, who stays at my place when I'm gone? Am I missing out on cashing in while I'm away? Maybe. My place would make an incredible Airbnb when I'm out on Am I missing out on cashing in while I'm away? Maybe. My place would make an incredible Airbnb when I'm out on the road and yours might too. So whether you could use a little extra money to cover some bills for something more fun, your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.ca slash host.

The dollop is brought to you by Squarespace. Oh, Dave. Of course, our friends forever. We've we've been using Squarespace forever. We love their websites. They're crisp. They're clean. They're easy to use. You don't have to update stuff. Look, we've said this over and over again, but if you want to know if we really do like Squarespace,

go look at any website we're affiliated with and it is Squarespace. Yeah, look, they have flexible payments. You can just make the whole checkout. Flexible employees too. Those people are... It's weird. Okay. You can make the whole checkout experience seamless, very simple, very powerful.

They do credit cards, Apple Pay, all the stuff, PayPal. They do it all. You can sell content. You can sell your exclusive stuff right on their site by adding a paywall. You can sell memberships. You can sell courses, whatever. You can sell stuff. I'm doing a ropes course on my website. Is that what we're talking about? I feel like we shouldn't have you on this. Okay, keep going. And if you're a business, you can manage your clients and invoices, vetting and receiving payment. Am I allowed to speak? Because I think that's a good point.

No, go to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. I'm going to say it again, go to squarespace.com for a free trial. When you're ready to again, go to squarespace.com for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com stressed all up to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Well, I am obviously a big fan of baseball. Everybody knows that.

They've heard the episodes. My kid plays baseball all summer long. That's all summer is now. Just baseball, going to games, getting in on the competition. I love the competition. He loves the competition I have found something else. That is the perfect game Monopoly go it is a mobile twist on the classic Monopoly

You build your empire you go for the goal to win like a hundred and fifty million people have downloaded it to Experience the the sweet sweet joy of Monopoly Go. You can play events together, you can play with friends, and then you get bragging points, right? You can brag. Because you won. You got the gold. You built your empire.

You're the champion. And it's great. It's a great game to play with friends. I cannot say enough. It's really fun to play with friends. You can invite people you already know to play. You can make, you want to make new friends? Monopoly Go. And Monopoly Go has been one of the world's most successful casual mobile games since it launched last year. So make your move and download Monopoly

Go. Now free on the App Store and Google Play. Leprosy, now curable. American Surgeons in Manila announced the discovery of a positive cure for leprosy, for which standing rewards have long been offered by several governments. In leprosy, the flesh rots and falls from the bones. Several patients have recovered under the new treatment after portions of their bodies rotted away.

Uh, define recovered. That doesn't mean the flesh went back on me. You don't go into remission. Like, it just stops. But leprosy is still a thing though, right? Yeah, there's no way that it still exists. No, yeah, not at night. At least, I don't know if we have one now. A leper colony? Because I know there's leprosy in India. Mark Burnett should start a show called Leper Colony. In India, there's a lot of leprosy.

I know, because there's donkeys that bring it up the mountain. And you just catch it off people. Off the donkeys. What? Yeah, it's a get it from donkeys and carry it here. Kate is going to go back to Ireland with some tall American tales. We'll stay away from the donkeys. Yeah, it's a Tall American It is cure it is curable, okay, what do we do it but not I

Don't think it's reversible, but I don't know it's a skin disease. So maybe Yeah, I mean, I've just seen the pictures of the people and it's brutal like Yeah, but so Gareth, if you get it, or Katie from one of the donkeys, we can handle it. That's awesome. We got you. Yeah. I'm gonna take a look at some of the proceed picks here. I told you some of the don't do it, don't do it.

Do not do it. Oh my God. Oh my God. Don't do it. This lady's feet became hands Yep Yep. Oh, fuck me. Oh my god. Yeah, this is oh christ. Oh my god Oh my god, do it It's terrible. It's a terrible disease You can't hide that can you i'll I'll tell you, I just saw a couple

and they won't be able to have the pieces put back together. Cure or no cure. Mm-hmm. Yeah. That's why they used to send those people to islands, because it was so terrifying to look at. Is that Ireland? Yeah.

That's actually what Irish people like to do. Is that where leprechauns come from? Leprechauns. Leprechauns. Yes, that's where leprechauns came from. Leprechauns are just people with leprosy. leprechauns came from. leprechauns are lepers. lepersecon is where all the lepers go for like their comic. practical jokers queered a clever scheme. weird? that's right. queered. that's

right. queered. The verb. Yep. A unique advertising scheme was recently started by the Cincinnati Post, which ended in an amusing fiasco. Circles of crimson paper were secretly pasted around the city, always in some place where one would least be expected to notice it. Then the post offered $5 to anyone who discovered one of the Scarlet dots and took it to the newspaper office. What a boring life. Bring them some leprosy. The result.

Yeah. Throw a little on. Yes. The result was great rubbering on the part of every pedestrian. Great, by the way. That's just New York City subways. Sex is now great rubbering on the part of every pedestrian. Great, by the way. That's just New York City subways. Sex is now great rubbering.

In a day or two, several of the dots were found, each finder receiving the promising reward. How long this game would have worked successfully will never be known for as if by common impulse hundreds of persons seeking to play a practical joke pasted red pieces of paper here and there and soon the city was dotty. So. This is so dumb.

So a newspaper had the worst idea ever which was like we're gonna put up red dots around the city. You find them, you bring them to us and then we'll give you money but then people just gonna put up red dots around the city, you find them, you bring them to us, and then we'll give you money, but then people just started putting up red dots everywhere. Put up fake red dots. Yeah, you have to have some sort of certified dot. It's the dumbest. Yeah, it's gotta be certified dot.

Just the dumbest shit. They were just... Even the pranksters are dumb. No, because they were funny. Yeah. It's not that funny. I agree. I don't think so. I mean, they didn't have TV. They didn't have games. But they also don't ever, I mean the only, yes, no, I totally agree with that. Like they were definitely like, finally a purpose.

But you know, at the end of the day, there's just people who are just like, I got all the red dots. My life's going to change. And they're like, how does the paper know which red dots are real I got questions make it they don't right unless they it's like they took Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and they're like let's make it really boring it is kind of you never mind I was just gonna say this kind of human to like ruin the fun you know yeah. It is, without question, always. You can't have anything. No, no, hate is our fuel, and oil. I love oil. These bogus dots were easily found, and the post was swamped with requests

for the advertised reward of $5. The mix-up was so confusing, the paper abandoned the scheme. Wow. Okay. I mean. Close. It was never gonna work. It was, like you said, it was a really dumb idea. Yeah. Yeah.

Right? I think it was dumb. It was dumb. Yeah. Confirmed. Confirmed. Tells another story. Is this about you?

Yeah. This is around the mountain. Was that your brain just. Were you just saying what you were thinking out loud? No, I said yeah. No, that was the headline. Otherwise I'd be like, Dave's in a dark spot. I get what you're doing, but no. Read another part of the paper. Well, that's like Biden.

We're doing a podcast. Oh, that is such a Biden. He used to do that all the time. Finish speech! He time. Finish speech. Speech. Don't look weird. Walk off stage. I wish there was video of him not knowing where he was when Texas ray just came last week. Where What am I? Why am I here? It's so funny that he now is like gone

It's gone. It's gone. Not it's like he doesn't exist. That's it Turn the page done. Yeah round mountain, Alabama The Saturday press published an article from this town recently purporting to describe some of the social conditions here The article was signed Nathan crook shank real name I want to say there is little more truth in it than there is teeth in a hens mouth so not true but that's that's what we that's what we should bring back that's that sounds like a Jeff Fox worthy line it does yeah I bet he says it I bet he says it

sometimes yeah yeah do hens not have teeth? Don't think so. Not yet. Yeah They're gonna. Yeah, that's coming. Evolution. Yeah. Yeah Unless it's a hen party. Oh, they have teeth. Yes. They used them I am sorry anyone would try to give our settlement a bad name The good old fellow spoken of as being assassinated was not a good old fellow at all. He was one of the worst men I ever knew. This desperado met one of his own class and got the worst of it and nobody in Cherokee County mourns.

The only part of Cruikshank's communication with any truth in it is the part to which he refers to the boiler bursting while the two deacons and himself were brewing a little red eye mountain dew and i think what he was indulging they had code red this sounds like someone who's like so drunk trying to write a poem or something. I'm so confused. The mountain Jew. He's mad about the... Oh, sorry. Not like a Jewish person.

That's how we pronounce D-E-W. No. Not Mountain Jew. You know, like, Jew in the grass. We say Jew in the grass. But that's how we pronounce it. So what do you call... No, no a good look for me. So, no, no, no. It's an awful look. But what do you call?

So you guys, do you have Mountain Dew there? We pronounce that. Yeah, but it's Mountain Dew because that's how you say it. But like Tullamore Dew is Tullamore Jew. Tullamore Jew. That's not good. It's just. That's just how we pronounce that word. It's just... This is how we pronounce that word.

It's awesome. A Mountain Jew. He's right up there. The Mountain Jew. Have the donkey take you to him. Are you the Mountain Jew? What do you think? Mountain Jew.

Mountain Jew code red. Mountain Jew Arctic Blast. Mountain Jew Arctic Blast. Mountain Jew. Mountain Jew Code Red. Mountain Jew Arctic Blast. Mountain Jew Code Red. Mountain Jew Arctic Blast. Mountain Jew Code red. Mountain Dew Arctic blast. Mountain Dew used to be a nickname for moonshine. Oh, I was like, wow, Mountain Dew was really old drink.

Yeah, that would be amazing. Well done on navigating Mountain Dew on that one, Katie, by the way. I noticed that your mouth got in a real prepped position to say it. Mountain Dew! It's hard for me. Oh man, you cannot say dew in this country anymore. You just walk into your yard, you're like, oh, look at all the beautiful morning Jew. Excuse me? On the leaves.

All the Jew. Canceled. Beautiful Jew. Beautiful mountain Jew. I think he was indulging in the red eye when he wrote the Saturday Press. He ought to have his shank cooked for it all. G.A. Pruitt.

Did you understand any of that? No. No, he was referring to a lot of stuff that the guy had written that without giving an explanation. So it was just all... It's very... This is like an article for like one guy. The paper was just like, yeah, we'll sell it. We'll sell you a page. It's like, I want to write a threatening letter to this guy. All right. Sure. I'm going to take down the Mountain Jew. I'll leave him alone.

He's just a sweet old man. Smart cow saves life. What does? This is a smart cow. Cool. You know, like smart cars, but this is a smart cow? Cool You know like smart cars, but this is a smart cow. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, Tesla. Yeah, same thing This is at a Lusur, Minnesota Hey, Jeremy wall. Oh

Katie am I Katie you're in Your in Minnesota your Minneapolis where in Minnesota are you know in St. Paul. Oh, you're in St. Paul. But did you not say Missouri? Nope, Minnesota. Oh, Minnesota. Okay. That's where I am. It's alright. What club is in St. Paul? The tent. In the field. Oh, that's right. It's a tent. Has anyone given you an address? Have you done a show there yet? I did it last year, yeah. It's just an Irish show. Oh, it's 10,000 Laughs. No, no. It's just an Irish show. Oh, it's 10,000 Laughs. No, no, it's just an Irish one. So they only have three Irish comedians,

and then they have musicians and stuff like that. Who are the other Irish comedians? Mick Thomas and Sean Finnerty. OK. Those are barely Irish names. Yeah. Yeah. What material are you going to do tonight? Did you say

are you going to do? No. You may be snorting. I'm not going to do any of my Mountain Dew material I'll tell you that. Well done. That D is hit so goddamn hard. It nearly sounds like I'm being offensive to dews when I say it. Yeah, really. Yeah, it sounds exactly like that. You see those dews over there? Hey, turn around. There's a lot of dews over there. God damn it. Jeremy Wall, the hired man of T.T.

Yates, a farmer in Sharon Towship, had a strange experience yesterday on Mr. Yates' farm. He was at work in a piece of timber half a mile from home. At work in a piece of timber. He was at work in a piece of timber he was at work in a piece of timber he must have he must be on what is it a Keebler elf he was what is he doing he got inside he got inside timber what a bird I get you get in you get in it I sleep bad and speak bad but anyway I think if I start reading this at night I'll be sorted cuz it's just so hard for me to concentrate on the words

It'd be so great for you to be like I go to bed confounded I kill my brain before bed I don't even know how we got to timber. It's like I blacked out. I'm confused. He sleeps in a piece of timber. Well, that's me lights out. I'm going to bed. Half a mile from home and more than a mile from any other house, when a tree that he was cutting down

split swiftly away from the stump as it fell and struck heavily against him, breaking his right leg below the knee. So he wasn't cutting it, right? He wasn't cutting it correctly because it shouldn't swing back on you. You're shitty at your job. I also feel like you have time to make an adjustment

I might be crazy, but I feel like if you're cutting it down You got a second to be like, oh, maybe his wife told him to fall underneath a tree That could be very possible. He's being passive aggressive. Also, go break your leg below the knee under on a tree Maybe he's looking for a payout. Also do you like die in 1905 if you break a knee? I feel like you just die. Yeah. It's not. Your odds of surviving are probably pretty low. Frank's dead. But leprosy, chill. Oh a little bit of leprosy. Yeah I don't know yeah put a little that leprosy ointment on that leg. Um, he was wholly unable to walk a step or crawl on his hands and knees, and he lay on the ground for a long time wondering how he could get home where aid could be rendered

to him. The family had all been away from home when he went into the woods, and he did not think they would have any idea where he was when they returned. And it began to look as though he might perish where he lay. Suddenly a thought struck him and he began calling loudly to the cows. Which are feeding nearby. Interesting. Oh, I forgot this was about a smart cow. I also forgot about the smart cow.

It's easy to forget because so much went on in the beginning. Yeah, yeah. Okay. There was one pet cow in the drove a gentle animal named Suki and her in particular he called. Suki, Suki. After a while she came over to where he lay and seemed to wander much at his peculiar condition. Be great if she just ate you. He kept... Yeah, oh god, the first cow eating a person story. Fantastic.

Smart cow. He kept calling her until she finally came close to him. And then he was like, now what's my plan? And then he... I've got... I need a little milk. And he then finally reached out his hand and took a firm grasp on her tail. Or tail stuff.

Twinning the long bushy hair about his fingers so his grip could not loosen. Do they have bushy tails? I think at the end they have a little. This is again so sexual. I thought you were going to say tit, and then you said bushy hair in between the tail thingy. Was this a lot? Was this a wet state?

I think they do have a little tassel-y thing at the end there. OK, I guess I'm not remembering that. I think they get their tails cut off now to stop them getting maggots I'm sorry there just happened then there where's What's happening they cut off the tails when they're small they burn them off so that they they don't attract maggots or something because It's shit. Yeah, so my doctor did well. I'm gonna I'm gonna throw up why okay matter

My doctor did. Well, I'm gonna throw up. Why? What's the matter? You don't like maggots eating shit off the ass of a cow? I did not want what happened is what I'd- Come on. Just relax, dude. Fuck.

It's just maggot tails is not where I thought we were going. Is that a spin-off of DuckTales? What's DuckTales? You don't know DuckTales? You don't know DuckTales, Katie. Is that a TV show? You're too young and too Irish. Yeah, it was about.

Was that with the car? The fast car? No, no, no. DuckTales, how do I put this? All right. Life is like a mystery. Box of chocolates. I know I was thinking that, but I didn't say it.

I'm singing the theme in my head, and I'm trying to speak the theme. You never heard DuckTales woo-woo? Never heard that? No. OK, so then what I just did to you was probably strange. Yeah. I'm fine with that.

I'm fine with that. I don't mind. It'd be like me being like, have you ever heard bananas peels. I had a banana. Yeah, that's a great. You should have that segment on your show. Is it an Irish show or not? Dave, what are you watching, Dave?

Something I just put down my phone and it started. It shouldn't. OK. But there's a comedian on there. Do you know? Do you know David Nyhill? Nyhill? Yeah. He's funny. No.

You don't like, you don't. Yeah, no, he's lovely. He's funny. He's Irish. Yeah, he's very funny. Irish man. Sure. He's Irish.

That's why I brought him up. So he then told her to weigh, and she did so, starting for home and dragging him head first on the ground behind her His wounded right legs We couldn't do it any other way. I mean I guess but it that would but to me that's arm first But I guess his head is really yeah, his head is really smart So potentially this cow is just gonna bring it they're gonna be like the cow murdered him But I would like when he gets to. They're going to be like, the cow murdered him. But I when I when he gets to wherever he's going, I would say the cow did this. Yeah. Yeah. This cow attacked me.

She ran crazy out there. They're killing people in the woods. Now, that would be a good story. Yeah. His wounded right leg crossed over the left one and riding quite comfortably in that position. He had on a strong denim coat that extended below his hips and kept him from being hurt by the rough ground, which he had to go over in some places. Although it was a rule, the journey lay across the smooth grass of the pasture. So that's nice.

I feel like there's some Republican listening to this being like, that's when men were men, you know? That's when denim made the man. Didn't bitch about their broken knee or their scratches. You just had a cow drag you with your beautiful coat. And you were fine. We were fine, everybody smoked 20 cigars a day. And if you wanted a whiskey,

your buddy put a couple digits up you. Straight. Oh. Oh, I mean. And then he got to the farmhouse 20 cigars a day and if you wanted a whiskey your buddy put a couple digits up here. Shrieked. Oh. Oh. I mean. And then he got to the farmhouse and he watched a man fuck his wife. Yeah, like men when men were men. When men were men.

Back when men were men. When chickens had teeth. When chickens had teeth. When you could talk about a morning Jew and people knew what you meant. When you could put oil in the lake and it was fine. When we could light our lakes on fire and no liberal cucks were worried. In Chattanooga. In Chattanooga.

When every state would get wet. When a man rode a cow denim through a field. Holding his hairy tail and tit. With beautiful, beautiful bush. With a beautiful bush. Did he survive? Oh, after drying her burden three quarters of a mile, Suki reached the pasture bars and could go no further.

And here in a few minutes, late, here a few minutes later, Mr. Yates found his resourceful employee who took him into the house and sent for a physician. The cow's tail was so lame she could not whip mosquitoes with it, but they will keep her shut up in a darkened stall in the barn until her fly brush is fully rested. So she gets a barn break. She broke her tail. She gets a barn break from a broken tail so that mosquitoes don't get her. It's probably dislocated. Can you dislocate a tail? These mosquitoes are really like all the main topic of this fucking newspaper. They must be so bad or these people are losing their shit way too much.

Never mind the knee. Never mind the crushed knee and the man being dragged with the fucking mosquitoes. And will he be OK? The cow? Potentially. We're going to put it in a dark barn until its tail heels for mosquito swos. We're hoping. That'd be great if the physician ran out of the house and he was like, Oh my God! Look at the tail! Doctor! Shut up, Frank. Wait, did he survive?

It doesn't say anything about him, it just goes, it talks about the cow's tail. Yeah, he had to, or else they would say- They would go, and then he died. It would be considered a cow murder. Which I'm okay with. The Kurt? Yeah. Yeah, all right, that's fair.

Here's a little something. Sometimes they put little facts on papers about other countries. Sure, oh boy. Oh fuck, buckle up. And they're always great. Sure. Oh boy. Buckle up. And they're always great. It's going to be your country, England. I don't think, I would be worried if I were you. I don't think they considered Ireland.

Ireland wasn't a country then, it was a colony. No. True, true, true. No, it wasn't. It was a potato shop. It was like, well, the famine hadn't happened yet. Right. But it was happening soon.

No, it had. No, because 1805. Oh, 1905. Sorry, I keep thinking it's 1805. Right happening soon. No, it had. No, because 1805. Oh, 1905. Sorry, I keep thinking it's 1805. Oh, no, it had been happening for years. It happened. It had been happening a long time. We're over in America at this point.

Eating your bidet oats. We've gotten away. How dare you? You have to wave. I thought it was 1805. Sorry. Leave our potatoes out of this. 1905.

My people have arrived. We arrived in 1848. Who are your people? Are your people from the famine? Yeah, my people bailed during the famine, yeah. Coffinship, trauma. Yeah. Japanese mothers do not kiss their children,

though they may press the lips to the forehead or cheek of a very young baby. I mean, that's fine. What? That's fine. What? That's fine. That is such a, In America they're like, we make out with our kids.

We tongue our kids. Yeah, I have my boy put a couple fingers at me before I take a shot. That is so weird. That is such a weird, we still do that. We'll like, just be like, it's not strange, but it is interesting

Like leave him alone. Yeah, and by the way, that was just some like white American who went over there and like watch two people And was like the Japanese don't kiss their kids You know, I went to seven different Japans on this trip. Ha ha ha! So many Japans. Japan, China, Japan, India. Buy my new book, Everywhere's Japan. Ha ha ha!

Here's another fact, the Japanese farewell, sayonara, means something like, if it must be so, or if it must part thus, so be it. It's not at all what it means. It just means goodbye. No, they just mixed it up with Shakespeare. I think they were literally in England. Which makes sense. English do not kiss. They give no emotional affection to their children. And they're like like if those shall move to the wall yeah they can't kiss them if they kiss their kids they could scrape them with teeth um yeah okay by the way i like the japanese goodbye as like uh okay sure That's just like the Japanese goodbye. They're saying goodbye.

In a different language. Yeah. So crazy. Mental. So weird. All right, last one. Okay, is it about the Japanese again? I'm really hoping for some other flavor in here. No, it's an animal story.

Ooh. Jumping hog leaps fence with agility. Is there more? Someone learned a word of the day when they wrote this. Yeah. Yeah. Agility. Yeah. Kansas City, a jumping hog afforded much amusement in the hog yards at the stockyards. Wow. Although the animal weighed 180 pounds,

it was jump board. It would jump board fences five feet high. No fucking way. That's come. No, come on. No. It's just it probably went through it or under it. It hog is a pig. There's no fucking way. Yes. Yeah. Yeah.

So a pig that weighed 180 pounds. Which is? Or 13 stones. That's human size. Oh wait, that's bigger than me. That's a giant. That's way bigger than you. I have no jealousy.

That's way bigger than you. It's bigger than me. And I'm quite big. The speculator who bought the hog found it impossible to confine it to a pen, so the pen had to be covered with boards. According to the men who have been at the hog yards for years, this was the first hog that had ever leaped a fence there. It didn't happen. I'm starting to come around. They're all on Mountain Dew. You're coming around? Yeah, yeah, yeah, they're all dewed up.

It was a dude ranch. There's no way. This is just not possible. Listen, I choose to believe. I choose to believe. These are the flat earthers of 1905. Yeah, right How high can I'm looking at how I can a pig jump? I can't imagine the idea that someone wrote this article or ever put this on the internet is very funny Someone was like I need to let people know here's how high pigs can jump My wife left me You what do you got there? Because of their girth, weighing in at 110 to 200 pounds, and the fact that they can

run 30 miles an hour at 30 miles an hour? Well I will say, I had a friend, my mother's friend in high school had a pig, a big fucking pig, and my brother and I one day had to get it in the barn, and man, that thing took us for a ride. It was probably $150, $160, and it was hauling ass. I mean, we could not get it. Feral pigs can bulldoze through most livestock fences, thus reaching chickens and other livestock animals that can jump over fences less than three feet high.

How high is this other pig saying he can go? Well he's not quoted directly in the end. Before we answer, the pig isn't on record. The pig's not on record. I'm gonna jump that fish that's five feet high. Oh did they say five feet? And then it jumps it five feet. And you're saying they usually do three feet. I think that's five feet high. Oh, did they say five feet? And then it jumps it five feet. And you're saying they usually do three feet. I think it's saying other animals. Well, it can jump three feet, but they can climb out of pig traps

with walls of five or six feet high. So it probably climbed it somehow. It probably climbed. Yeah. Agility. But now I'm interested in a pig Olympics. Ah, that doesn't sound bad. Right? Olympics. Ah That doesn't sound bad, right Olympics

Olympics love it Thank You Katie. No, you don't it's good for you to be here cuz see you saw what just happened Dave was gonna die on his little weird mountain that that one was better, but it's okay It's okay. This is what happens. This is time. You both equally. Okay Thank you, that's what we needed to hear. Yeah Be good boys Dave Sal. Oh, no Yeah, let him do it. Let him do it. You're doing what the guy did

Yeah, yeah, yeah with a mic. Why don't you go hang yourself with a mic cable Dave? Is this sexual though? I'm nervous. I was just gonna say if history repeats itself Dave will be whacking off I got really hard Americans are Australians do it too do they yeah the most famous one was the lead singer of an excess oh Yeah, he died Yeah But I think however I go if I have like 20 seconds to make a last move, I will pretend to be jacking off just to make it super weird for whoever.

Yeah. That would be fun as a woman. I think that's just, just. She's got two fingers in her. She was probably drinking. This is how they drink whiskey straight. That's you don't know how a woman drinks. She was probably drinking. This is how they drink whiskey, straight. That's, you don't know how a woman drinks?

If she doesn't have a cocktail, she has to put a couple of digits up her. Tom, have you ever seen a woman? Nah, no. The Japanese women do it that way. This is how they say goodbye. That's what they called the Japanese goodbye. They put two fingers up themselves, have a bourbon and then they die.

Oh boy. What? I don't think you're excited. So this should be the last one, David. Is this a banger? Are you happy? No, I just, no, that was it. That was good. I'm happy to okay

All right. There we go. Well fuck that's it. I was reading about Michael Richardson's death What gotcha what gotcha I wasn't sure if it was a It was auto erotic. Yeah But uh at first they said it was just from depression and drugs and alcohol. But then it was later claimed it might have been autologous fixation. That's pretty easy to tell. Was he bottomless?

Well, no. Was he porky pigging it? How high can a man jump when he's porky pigging it? Was he pulling the cow's tail? Was he yanking the old ox bush? Was his knee broken? Did he have a denim coat on? Where's their mosquitoes?

I had to masturbate because I was getting bitten by so many mosquitoes. Well, Katie, thank you so much for joining us. You're a delight. What's your website where people can go see you live? Oh, yeah. Thank you. It's www.Katy Boyle Comic.com.

I'm on the road a lot, so come out. Come out and see Katie. She's awesome. And your special's on YouTube. And you were a pleasure, and I hope you learned a lot and I feel like you did I feel like you've learned a lot today yeah okay good yeah it doesn't sound like you're very committed that but either way no problem I learned to say do perfect time to to get that to come out finally. Good work. Alright, well thank you Katie and Dave. Bless

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