The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 96 - The Past Times with Omid Singh

Episode Date: October 18, 2024

Dave Anthony picks a newspaper from a day in history and reads it to co-host Gareth Reynolds. This week they are joined by comedian Omid Singh Redbubble Merch

So I travel a lot. I mean a lot perhaps too much to some of you, but that's kind of my gig, right? So I'm out there. I'm living out of suitcases or suitcase sometimes if I bring the big boy and I want all the comforts of home That's why I stay at an Airbnb whenever possible recently I had some gigs in Fort Collins, Colorado And I was with my friends and we were shooting some stuff and before we got to the gigs We were like, let's just get an Airbnb and it is just a more comforting existence you have a kitchen you have a yard you know it's communal living it's just a less stressful place more enjoyable experience so when I go on tour you know like I'll be going on tour

in a couple months I always am like well could my place be an Airbnb you know just to have someone watching your place while you're gone and make a little bit of money. And the answer to that is yes, yes, it can be an Airbnb. It's really just as simple as listing your place and letting it earn a little extra cash while you're away. So imagine someone staying at your home in Los Angeles while you're out there exploring the world. Turn your home into an Airbnb.

Give it a shot. You might be surprised at how rewarding it can be. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.ca slash host. All right, everybody. Welcome to the pastimes podcast. Each week we go through an old newspaper from a random date in history picked out by Dave Anthony I'm Gareth Reynolds, and I've never seen it before and neither is our guest this week. Oh me saying hello me Thank you for joining us. Thanks for having me I was gonna what I was gonna say was we've never had someone tech like have tech issues and then address them so quickly

But then then it went fucking crazy you know I was gonna go all out I was setting up the the Shure microphone and everything and I was falling behind and here we are with power beats and it's great thank you dr. Howard you're I was gonna say you're powered by Dre powered by Dre every day we're the bad boys of podcasting but Omeid let's talk about you. You're special is on the YouTubes. Yeah. You are a hilarious gentleman so people should go check it out and it's called? Little special. L-I-L special. Little special like like Lil Dicky or something like that. It's little 24 minutes long, so it's a little special.

That's cool. Now, is that is that the right move? What do you think? Do you have any idea for me? Yeah. Yeah, I think it was my Comedy Central presents. Basically, it was that set in my career that I really was excited about, that I've been working on for years. I ask you a different question Can I call my next special Comedy Central presents? Absolutely. Yeah, I'm I allowed legally clear to do that. Yeah. Yeah, okay

That's what I'm gonna go with Well, you're hilarious. You're doing well, too. There's momentum people are talking People are duck. So we're gonna go through a newspaper as you know, and uh, it's gonna be weird. That's a guarantee We'd like to start off by guessing the year So since you're the guest and since Dave has just flipped the whole gaming guessing system here Why don't you take the guess as to what year? This weird and wild and wet newspaper could be from. Okay. Go ahead. Oh, before even hearing what the story is?

Yes. Oh, just a wild guess? You just want me to just throw out a number? 1847. That's very good. Very good. I almost want to price is right, yeah, because you seem so confident. Because, well, I mean I have to win, right, if it. I'll go. I'll go 1901. Wow. I hope I'm right. That's like an old article and not like 2000. You're very you. You won.

I mean, it's a it's 18 million. I mean, it's a it's a 18 million. I mean, it's a it's a 18 million. I mean, it's a it's a 18 million. I mean, it's a it's a 18 million. I mean, it's a it's a 18 million. I mean, it's a it's a 18 million. I mean, it's. That it's like an old article and not like 2000. You're very you. You won. I mean, it's it's 1899.

Gareth was way off. You motherfucker. I'm just way off. This happens a lot. December 8th, recently, I guessed the exact year and Dave still said the guest one. Wow. There's some underlying tension here. Sometimes we go on vibes. You know what I mean?

Did you guys just hear that I got an email, by the way, or is that just me? No, we didn't. But we didn't hear that. But going forward, could you let us know if during this you get any more emails or texts? Yeah, yeah. Alex just emailed me.

Who's it from? From Alex. OK. Oh, our guy, Alex. Way to go, Alex. Yeah, way to go, Alex. We're having a big talk with him after this. Yeah, it's not great.

He's in a bit of trouble. All right, Dave, we're in 1899. Where are we? We're in Bowbells, North Dakota. Yeah. What's the real city? It is little. It looks like it's like 20 miles from the Canadian border. It's probably the most Bowbells.

It's probably the most in the middle of nowhere thing we've ever done. So this paper is just going to be like feather found. Maybe. OK, maybe. All right. Well, let's have a look. Right now, the population is 286 people. Wow. This is going to be a real weird experience. Wow. I can't imagine what it was then. Uh, telephone fences. Sure. Does that mean?,

share does that mean OO OK so this is wire. It is found that the wires are sufficiently insulated by the wooden posts to carry electric currents without perceptible loss. From the nearest telegraph station at liberal, fence telephone lines have been run all over Seward County, as well as into the adjoining counties of Morton and Stevens and across into Oklahoma and Texas. So, so people started using their barbwire fences to talk through. Wait, what? So this is like tin foil hat sort of.

We did a whole episode on this, Garrett. I know that, but they they're using the barbed wire. I don't remember the part where they used it like the tin can technology. Yeah, that's what it was. They use it exactly like we use telephone wires now. Wow. OK. This is big news in a small little town. And it is. It's a. It's funny. Yeah, I mean, yeah.

But they still have to put in the newspaper. You think they could just do it through the barbed wire, get the information. True. They still have to go to print. They still have to go to print. Now, it's true. They're like, yeah, print. They still have to go to print. Now it's true. They're like, yeah, this was like this was like the Internet. That'd be funny though. People coming down.

Hey, Jim, can I use your fence? I got to call my mom. I'm out of minutes. Barb. Or some guy like you talking dirty with a woman through his fence like yeah, right? What do you paint? Can you not do that on my barb And then when the internet came out they had to like call the barb dial-up yeah, right. Yeah. Yeah We used to when I was a kid we we had a ranch out in out near Sacramento

and the phone would ring less if it wasn't for your house. It was for the neighbors. And you could pick up the phone and listen to a neighbor's conversation. Dave is 206. Just saying. Just found out. What are you? What are you talking about? And then the horses would come by and they'd say... Yeah!

And then you'd give them a carry. We had a farm. It was out in the middle of the fucking country. Like, it was, you know... A little place called Oakland. By the way, what's funny is I've been working with Dave for 10 years, and I feel like in the last year, he's become more of a small town farmer., Yeah, how long you really know a guy? Yeah, I have leprosy. I got that on the farm.

Wow. No, it's true. Yeah. Poor guy. Poor, poor guy. That always makes me think of that movie with Orlando Bloom. Anytime somebody brings up the Caribbean, that one. Yeah, exactly. Lord of the Rings. Did he have leprosy? What did he have leprosy in a movie?

Yeah, it's the Kingdom of Heaven. That one. Oh, I never saw that. Good movie. So I'll do it. I know what part of him didn't fall off that huge penis. Hi. Now we're going to go to an ad break. That actually fell off. That's why it doesn't work as much now.

Uh, white man serves time. That's why it doesn't work as much now. White man serves time. Hell, yeah. Hell, yeah. Cheers. I'll have you know, you're among a couple of whites. So I know, but this sounds like a win for us. So let's enjoy the little victories. I agree.

You were bound to get us at one point. 1899. 1899. A white guy goes to jail and the joy. The paper is just like, all right, look, things are changing. I can't wait to hear why. I can't wait to hear why he went to jail. He probably heard another white.

That's the only crime that would have counted. Sadly, sadly, is that Chicago? Alonzo J. White man. A black black man. Pour one out for the homies. Yeah.

Former state senator in the Minnesota legislature and white. He's white again. He's very white in prominent in politics in that state, who disappeared after being convicted of forgery in this city and who was recently re-arrested in New York, was taken to the House of Correction to serve a sentence of two years. Whiteman said he would at once appeal the case to the Supreme Court. Wow.

That is okay. By the way, right away, they're going to Chicago because they were just like, well, we've done our town news. There's barbed wire phone lines. Hey, a white guy went to jail in Chicago. It's all we got. There's not going to be any news in. No, except, you know, where's Barb?

Haven't seen her for a few days. I wouldn't mind that, though, like doing like a paper for my street. Like if I if I really make a lot of money, I will just retire and just like like a child. Just what's going on around the neighborhood. Yeah, just like going around to be like, that's very interesting. Kennedy has diarrhea.

He's in apartment nine. I actually was the only person on my school paper in the fourth grade. And I would print out like a little newsletter that I would give to all my classmates, Fridays at the end of the day. And on Monday, there would be angry parents being like look at all these typos on this newsletter like what are you sending home again and I'm just like writing about TV shows that I've seen and all this TV that is that by the way I don't that's not a paper

There's like a weekly up entertainment column there was a cartoon There was a joke. It's what's important in their world. It wasn't it was very much a newspaper It'd be great if you were going with stuff like that being like a white guys arrested. Yeah Like you're getting hard hitting Principal friend or foe. Mom parks in a handicap parking lot. I'm sorry. Yeah, I mean, my bad. An old man's crime.

This one's out of Wisconsin. Fond du Lac. Fond du Lac. Yeah, Fond du Lac. As an honor to the native born people, we did not change the name of Fond du Lac. We just took the area. Oh, that's nice. You just took it. It's an homage.

And you kept it. We're like, well, we'll keep this for you guys. You get that. Yes. George Whiteman. Shut up. No. Again? Shut up. No way. Is that right? Yeah, it's a different guy. Yeah. Back to back white man. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. It's the white. Crimespray. Yeah. Love that band. 67 years old that was found guilty of murder in the first degree.

He was charged with the murder of Clarence Updike because he believed Updike was alienating his wife's affections. What? He was alienating his wife. He was ignoring his wife. He killed this guy because he was. It's a kink. Cause his wife wanted to bone. I, I'm a little confused. Wow. I think what he's,

I think what it's saying is that his, it was, he was feeling alienated from his wife's affections because of what the white man was doing. The wife was breaking away from him because of this other dude. So he killed the other dude, which was legal. You could legally kill that person in a lot of states or other. But not in maybe this time. But like in Oregon, I know for a long time you could kill a guy if he.

Are you being serious? Yes. It was you could go to court and go the guy would I would the amount of men I would have killed in every relay they would be like Jesus Christ. I'd be like it was a lot It was a lot They know what they did. They know what they know. They know like Dexter. Okay, wow. And he's gone.

He said he's been jailed. Another white man jailed. But what a stupid thing to go to jail for. You killed another guy because of your wife was feeling a certain way. Yes, it is. As we've learned through years. Yeah, you cannot kill the feelings by killing the person. It's just I can't.

So Dave, what Dave? Try it, David. Dave. Rear end collision. Hmm. That's what the neighbor wanted with the wife. Wow. Flagman's lantern extinguished by wind, Rear end collision. Hmm, that's what the neighbor wanted with the wife. Wah wah. Flagman's lantern extinguished by wind and he could not signal approaching trade. The most unrelatable headline I've maybe ever heard.

What was the first part? He couldn't flag man's flame. Another flag man's flag man's lantern extinguished by wind. And then and then so then the train behind them couldn't see that their train was stopped. I thought lanterns burned had like, well, they have like a little covered in there. Maybe it was because of this event where someone was like, they need windows. You know, I hear that headline and I just think that's an inside job.

Yeah, well, he could be very true. You think he blew it out? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. This is a suicide attempt. Oh, yeah. Well, I mean, seeding chaos was pretty easy if all you had to do is blow your lantern out. Oh, my God. Well, now everyone's dead. Yeah, but first you have to gain the trust of the people so they give you that job. That's the dark part about it. That's can't just be like hey, can I be in charge of this lantern people like no get the fuck out of here Yeah, we want someone who doesn't want this job. Yeah. Yeah This is Denver, Colorado a rear end collision between two time. I am I Mean there's no reason to do that. I feel like I'm throwing a little personal flair into this and that's pretty great Shut up, I'll probably be able to speak to this in a pretty cool way. You're a guy in the audience

Well, I mean I don't want to talk about it, but yes, I am. I'm in Denver right now. No, you're not. No, I'm not I'm in Denver. Shut up Dave. Both of you. Shut up. No, I'm Wow, I'm in Denver. Shut up, Dave. Both of you shut up. No, I'm dead. We we hate when you people do. It was just so fun when you said you were in Denver and you were enjoying it. I was like, I want to know what that feels like.

Should we do it again? And should I do a spit take? That feels like it could work. Dave, why don't you why don't you do it again? Let's just go one more. OK. Oh, my God, I'm in Denver. No, the fucking first part. No, that's what I was going to do.

That's the part I was doing. You know, Denver's pretty chill. I just wanted to do my first spit take on the show. OK, Denver, Colorado. God. I'm in Denver. A rear-end collision between two passenger trains occurred on the Denver and Rio Grande railroad this morning,

in which six persons were killed outright, and several others were severely injured. The accident happened at the English switch, six miles east of Sao. Oh, I've done the English switch before, yeah. That's when you're having sex with an English person, and then halfway through, a Spanish guy comes in. And you're like, oh, I'm going to die. six miles east of so I've done English which before. Yeah. That's when you're having sex with an English person and then halfway through a Spanish guy comes in

finishes it off. That's the old English switch. That is, by the way, the largest upgrade of fucking possible. What about an Italian? What about an Italian guy? That's still an upgrade. They're all like, it's a time of oil. You need to stop.

What? They're not all upgrades. I think people Spanish are more like lovers, you know, Italians. Yeah, it's like, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Well, you know, it's a you know, it's not an Englishman when a rose gets laid gently upon your back. Yeah. I mean, she goes she goes straight. She goes straight from being over in 30 seconds to foreplay. Okay, now it's really the English

are not really taking a lot of shit. And I think we're all a little uncomfortable. So let's switch it up. You got to pick the teeth out. Oh, fuck. All right, your turn. You jump in real quick. I'm being thrust. Ew, he left beans. Okay, this has no headline. Why does it need one?

No item of lame wrists and bandages, rubber and cotton wrappings, sleep famine or weakened pulse was omitted from the published reports of an 800 mile bicycle record recently made in 92 hours by a woman. Wow. What about her name? Dave, fuck her name. They all look the same. Woman did a thing. It wasn't. I mean, for that time, it seems like quite a distance

to do in that amount of time already. But the woman part is like, oh, my God. What? Keep in mind, Omead, we've learned through this show that women wearing pants was insane until like the 50s? And they also thought, I guarantee you, most of the men reading this would be like, well, she can't have kids now. Yes, the womb damage that men kind of projected

onto women from any real act, like women weren't supposed to run. Every guy was like, you idiot. You've got a tiny crystal that holds a baby and you're just going to jostle it around. You women are so tiny brain. Oh, you're going to like this, Gareth. She wore a sweater with broad red and green stripes and a divided skirt of buff color.

But why? And a you made me so perv. Well, because you brought up pants and she had on a skirt. Right. Well, she had to. Yeah. And a felt hat with a gandy band and tall. I love a gandy band. What is a gandy? Oh, stop it. I love a gandy band around my hat. Are you kidding?

And a tall feather. She was biking. Yes. I tall feather she was biking yes I mean she was a Buccaneers logo 800 fucking feather the feather in her hat and a candy band this this this really is kind of legendary shit did she really though or did she just you know go like miles, hang out for a few months, come back? It's a fair question. No, I mean, someone would have to follow her the whole way. That's part of it. By the way, Google has no clue what a gandy band is.

Yeah, I just looked it up. There's no gandy at all. But man, the things that are showing up under a gandy band, Google, are worth looking for, first of all. I just imagine Mahatma Gandhi just playing a bass and then Mahatma Gandhi on the drums. Oh my god. Lead singer Gandhi in the front, just you know. All right, we are the Gandhi band. We are the Gandhi band.

I hope you guys didn't eat anything today. I hope you guys are hungry. Hungry for some music. Every song is just about things you would didn't eat anything today. I hope you guys are hungry. Hungry for some music. Every song is just about things you would love to eat. Bacon, bacon. Not too daily. A lot of these songs are about bacon. Think of how good it would be.

Think how great it would be. We weren't fighting a white man. I'm moving into my sirloin phase. My sirloin, I just think that would be the guy who like is trying to help Gandhi with his fast, the Briggs of a sirloin. He's like, do you have anything maybe a little lighter? I mean, I haven't eaten like two weeks. Here you go, buddy.

You go. Her custom was as ladylike and as worthy of emulation as the motive of the feet itself, which was supposed to gratify peak and pride and outdo all other women. It's so male. It's so obvious a guy wrote it because he's like, she would best every other woman that day. And the fact that he has to be like, and she did it like a woman, very ladylike.

Yeah, and she's like, why didn't you reach out for a quote? And after we set her on fire for being a witch, we all died. After we drowned her, burned her in eight pieces of hers so that she can't come back. We locked our doors. She will now be buried in 18 different spots across the world to make sure she can't reconvene at midnight on a full moon. Her favorite 18 places that she stopped on her 800 mile witch journey. Listen, while she was a witch, the feat is to still be celebrated.

I just can't believe no one asked her name. Nobody asked her name or reached for a quote, you know, he's like, the woman was very bizarre, obviously. She's like, you can talk to me. There's no need, honey. You did a lot of weird. But what kind of feather is that in your hat? I don't need to know your name. What kind of little dress do you have on your biggie?

Walk me through your gandy band. What kind of little dress do you have on your biggie? Walk me through your gandy band. Um. So I travel a lot. I mean a lot. Perhaps too much to some of you, but that's kind of my gig, right? So I'm out there, I'm living out of suitcases, or suitcase sometimes if I bring the big boy, and I want all the comforts of home.

That's why I stay at an Airbnb whenever possible. Recently I had some gigs in Fort Collins, Colorado, and I was with my friends and we were shooting some stuff, and before we got to the gigs, we were like, well, let's just get an Airbnb, and it is just a more comforting existence. You have a kitchen, you have a yard, it's communal living, it's just a less stressful place,

more enjoyable experience. So when I go on tour, like I'll be going on tour in a couple months, I always am like, well, could my place be an Airbnb? You know, just to have someone watching your place while you're gone and make a little bit of money. And the answer to that is yes, yes, it can be an Airbnb. It's really just as simple as listing your place and letting it earn a little extra cash while you're away. So imagine someone staying it earn a little extra cash while you're away

So imagine someone staying at your home in Los Angeles while you're out there exploring the world turn your home into an Airbnb Give it a shot. You might be surprised at how rewarding it can be your home might be worth more than you think Find out how much at Airbnb dot CA slash host Prisoner a cool one Okay I'm interested. This is this is a white man in West Virginia. Yeah. Deputy Sheriff Paulding and Sheriff

Harmison of Oregon of Morgan County, West Virginia, went to St. Clairsville, Ohio yesterday and took it a custody. A man believed to be N.J. Dorman, who is alleged to have killed absolven Kessler and a housekeeper and Doman the housekeeper definitely was a keeper house. Oh who was his wife? Whoa his house. Yeah, this is very the way they rolled out those credentials. Wait, what? Insane.

Yeah, it's not. It was the wife. OK, so he killed a guy and his own wife, but his wife, they're calling his wife housekeeper because I think she probably worked for the other guy. Oh, now I think I think she was working as a housekeeper for the other guy. And then the husband went in and shot his wife and the guy. Well, I think that's it. Well, you know why.

But you but you buried the lead. A guy killed his wife. That's the that's the lead. I know I killed his wife, who was working as and the other guy's girlfriend. Yeah. And the other guy's girlfriend. And so I just again, to take our gandy band hat off to the men of the time. It's awesome to just lead with. She's a housekeeper before.

Yeah, she first fantastic. Fantastic. That's saying she deserved it, probably. Yeah, it kind of is, honestly, in a way. They're going like this. So this was in Papa in Morgan County last September, a post office robbery. And the torture of an aged couple are also laid at his door. OK. He was brought up. I was about 41.

He was seriously he was brought to Wheeling in the afternoon. And while Paul Ding and Harmsen were arguing as to which would pay the eight dollar railroad fare. Oh, my God. The prisoner, the prisoner coolly said goodbye and started down the tracks like a flash. And it's not been seen since. Wow. OK, let's separate the crime with the exit line. It's awesome. Yeah, exit line is awesome to take off like a T 1000 down the track. Bye guys.

Yeah, you're 200 yards away. Yeah, we'll never see. Yeah, that's the end of that. That is will be another country. Yeah, I think I could still see him now. He's gone. Now, that's that. That's not him.

That's crazy. It's impossible. Go back to Wittland. So the idea to say goodbye is awesome. Yeah, it's amazing. Goodbye. I don't want to be rude. Just murder two people. Take care. Good to see you.

Oh, they did the telephone fences one again. That's nice. That's like when you're just repeated the fucking there. That's like when you're doing stand up and you're like, yeah, maybe I'll do that joking. OK, this is what happens when you have this is what happens when you have you're doing a paper for a town of nobody. OK, this is just a this is just a list of one sentence things.

These are made in my experience, these can be enjoyable. I'm ready. Clam chowder is often productive of the deepest melancholy. Okay. See, this is what I'm talking about. Now, we're in punchline town. Clam chowder. So clam chowder makes people bummed out. I know. I think they're saying that you eat.

To perk up. No, maybe you eat. You just eat it when you're sad. It's a sad person's meal. I kind of don't disagree. Really? I think if you're eating clam chowder alone, it takes a really weird turn.

Am I great? It's like if you're eating the bread bowl clam chowder and it takes a really weird turn. Am I great? It's like, if you're eating the bread bold clam chowder on your own, it's kind of like, you should be like, do you want me to call someone for you? Clam chowder seems like something you only eat at a restaurant. I kind of agree with that too. Dave, you could have edited this paper.

It's kind of a bummer oh here's a joke the sleeping infant should always be placed on the retired list when's the joke that's it on the retired list oh retired. I like their. OK, right, maybe retired for the they retired again, right? I'm not gonna lie this. Nobody is going to win me back. Is it more of a pun? Is it? Yeah, yeah, I think it is pun. Yeah, retired.

These kids kids these days. No joke, just keeps going. kids these days. No, don't. No, the joke just keeps going. Kids these days. What's the deal with? This is now becoming your fourth grade paper. What's the deal with folio? How come it hits your legs? Yeah.

Do they call it that because you need a pole to walk after? Come on, guys. You ever feel like your skinny legs or your fat stomach polio? What's the deal? Hey, sometimes I'm real happy and sad. I got bipolar. Hey, guys, come on. Try the chowder. Yeah.

Sometimes happens. It sometimes happens that a man's opportunity is his misfortune. I think that's just like that's like a that's like a that's like Confucius. Yeah, you go to eat like have you ever been to a depressing Chinese restaurant where like the fortune you're like, I could have done without that. That feels like one of those. It feels like one of those. Sometimes you should be lonely.

You're like, cool. All right. Good fortune seldom travels around in an automobile looking for you. First of all? I can't even believe this is a cry for help list. I feel like they don't know how many they didn't expect how many automobiles there would be today. So I think good fortune now probably does travel in an automobile. Yeah, but then yeah, you're probably right. Also, I think there are a lot of accidents. So they're like, you know

So this is like from like big horses or something like that like trying to stop it's big horse Yeah, big horse big horses coming in Trying to definitely I I think what maybe I made this up But at some point wasn't someone like yeah, go with your fancy automobiles We'll be here with the horses when you're ready to come Oh, yeah, go with your fancy automobiles. We'll be here with the horses when you're ready to come back. Horses just poop into the background. You're going to miss this.

You're going to miss it. You can't take a shit. I don't think so. Until the Cybertruck came along, like this car actually can take a shit. A man's mind sometimes runs to the contrary. A woman's always does. Oh, my God. Jesus Christ. This guy. Honestly, this feels like the Rush Limbaugh of 1899.

No, it's like Andy Rooney. It's the Andy Rooney of 1899. I think that it's got this anti woman slant. It does. It 100% does. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And don't get me started on Lutherans. Yeah. He's like, what?

What am I doing? What the hell's going on? What is? Tracy's a real bitch. What? Honey, I made the paper. I don't like Laura. That's more like my newsletter.

So that's right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And Laura spelled wrong. Yeah. I don't like Laura. Who's Laura? It is considered a deadly insult to. Oh, it is considered a deadly insult to sell a Bostonian that he doesn't know beans to tell to tell to tell about the town. Were you when you lived there, were you offended by that?

If people were like, yeah, you don't know anything about beans. Not my first year, but my fourth year, I felt like it was my home. And yeah, if someone wanted to have a bean argument, I would definitely go at it. But we're talking strictly coffee, right? We're not talking pinto. We're not talking garbanzo. I'll lay down about a kidney. I don't mind.

Yeah. You want to talk bait? You think Boston's known for kidney beans? This is exactly what I said I'm not going to do. But yeah, I do. Jesus. You fuck you, Dave. You think when people think kidney beans?

Yeah, they think boss. That's right. It's yeah. As a matter of fact, I do. You probably think the same about pinto beans in, right? Hey, fuck both you guys. How about that? Do you know what Boston's really known for?

White beans. Oh, that's true. You definitely know they were just like, yeah, they're like, dude, Tommy's eating black beans. We got to pull them aside. Oh, these beautiful white beans here, dude. What are you doing? Come on. An actress may be wedded to her art,

but she usually acquires more than one husband during her career. Crazy. Whoa. It's crazy. It's everything's like shitting women. And this is about actors. And this is this is a newspaper in what? Like North Dakota or something. In like, yeah, fucking North Dakota. Fuck North Dakota. Yeah, it's totally bum fuck. Bow bells, bow bells.

And this guy's like, hey, let me tell you a little something about the Hollywood woman. She can be two husbands. She told me, but that woman rode a bike and I don't like it. I mean, who's reading this newspaper, right? It's just men. Probably. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, because if a man saw a woman with it, he's like, honey,

what did I tell you about filling your brain with all those words you didn't think of? A married man would have more money if his pockets were as hard to find as are those of his wife. Crazy. Crazy. It's it's like dice. Yeah. Hickory dickory. Oh, Yeah. Hickory dickory. Oh, I'm a hickory dickory puck. All right. Moving on from where's my money?

It's in her sock. Oh, oh. She rode a bike further than she could. I wish I was that bike seat. He was great. He was great. He was a a recent episode of the brutal treatment of privates. That's a podcast, by the way. 1899. Yeah.

Of privates in the in the army of France. I was waiting to see. I gave you a chance, but you blew it. I enjoyed it. I definitely, my mind went to it. Yep. By their officers gives new emphasis to the danger of arbitrary power. It has also reported that in Austria,

the custom of boxing the ears of soldiers and recruits has been so common and so violent that thousands of them have suffered such impairment of their hearing as partly to unfit them for service. Wow. This is this is Americans just love to write stories about things that aren't true about other countries. We still do it today. Like, it's just like that. I will take issue with, but we know now we do to our own people. They're eating cats.

We stopped. Yeah, no, we did. No, it was endless wars and we don't want that propaganda. But okay, so the there's the news story is to the new I mean, it's not really news. But the story is that there if you smack someone's ears, it can damage them and then they're unfit for service. Yeah. And but thousands of them have been turned unfit for service. Thousands. So thousands of men have had their ears. Yeah, like broken their eardrums broken or whatever. There really was a store there was a commercial in the UK for this drink called Tango.

And this guy would go up to people on the street. It was fake. And he would cup both their ears at the same time and said, you've been tangoed. And then they had to stop the ad because people were doing it to each other and busting people's ears. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And you're telling me that country's fucked. Fuck you.

The minister of war has recently issued a prohibitory order, so they're prohibiting people from doing it, just like your commercial story. Yeah. Yeah. Because they're they don't have any soldiers left because they're all about eardrums. Yeah. And then we lost all the story. Like they could take that right now and print it about North Korea and everyone would think it was true. Guarantee you guarantee you. True. I should point out, I mean, Dave is a big North Korea guy.

Oh, love my case. Where my case at big, big. Yeah. No, seriously, where my case at? For real. No,'s like, yeah. No, seriously, where my NKs at? It's for real. No, for real, though. Where are they? Where are they? No, like literally, can we see evidence

that they're still around? Yeah. Like, please. A short time ago, two Yaks were imported to Gothenburg and were later sent to Stockholm. We. Oh, fuck. All right. Two.

Yeah. OK. A short time. By the way, can we just take a minute to say this podcast is very straight. We're getting us back on track is okay, two yaks. Anyway, go ahead. Two yaks. Go ahead. Gothenburg is the cool city in Sweden.

Is it? Batman lives there. Jesus Christ, no, he does. He does. That's where he's from. Swedish Batman. I will show the Joker. You have to stop. We need to talk to Commissioner Gordon. A short time ago, two Yaks were imported to Gothenburg and were later sent to Stockholm, Sweden. The secretary of the Gothenburg Touring Club recommends that yaks be imported into northern Sweden for use by the pioneer farmers, the long and cold winters being rather severe

for ordinary cattle. Let's say you're a guy who runs a paper and you can pick any article from anywhere internationally to put in your paper. And then you land on a story about Gothenburg's yak importations. Excuse me. Excuse you know this because you read my paper every week, but I have a yak section now for the YAK enthusiasts. You mean YAK attack? The YAK attack crew who you see down at the soda shop every week.

They like the YAK news. All right. Yeah, it's a lot of awkward pauses. They wanted me to call it the use. I don't even. I mean, yeah, it's a very slow newsweek. If you're talking about two yaks being imported to Stockholm in a North in a North Dakota newspaper, it's like, what national anything internationally in 1899 is okay. Are we? Did we

have a bunch of yaks? Is America known for North Dakota known for yaks? I think it's because there's so many Swedish in this area So the people in this the Swedish population is three people out of 256 It just says like hey Bjorn you're gonna like this. I don't like that. They're everywhere either, but there's three of them We got to give you something you need to do a new news about to the Sweden I need to know what's going on with the act. Oh Yeah, so they guess Gothenburg has really good yaks And then the reporter who also is like on a phone call with Stockholm being like, how are they? How's the yak system?

No, let me get a pen. I'm calling from my barbed wire fence. Hold on Real quick, would you call it through my fence? I'm going through my family. What'd you call me? Okay What did you call me? What did you call me? Okay. It is declared that it would not be necessary to stall feed the yak during winter and that the farmers would get a strong, hardy, intractable beast of burden, which also would supply milk of good quality and which could find its way even through deep snow. What are you? Huh? That's why it's important to North Dakota. Is it because yak milk, the yak itself can transport the milk well or the milk? Yes. OK, so they're just like the yak. It's in the yak.

The yak is right. But we're just looking at the yak as like a durable container for milk. Yeah, the durable the what they're saying is making is. Yes. Well, it's a it's like a it's like a it's like the hummer to a it's like the hummer of cows is what they're saying. That's true. That's not at all what they're saying anywhere. In nowhere in that article, did I hear? No, you're not. You're not listening.

Hummers of cows. There's no there's no connection. In nowhere in that article, did I hear hummers? You're not listening. Hummers of cows. You gotta listen closer. There's no connection. It's the Cybertruck of cows. Yeah, they didn't say that anywhere. Insinuated. It remains yet to be seen whether or not anyone is willing to act upon the suggestion.

Dr. Steven, oh sorry, Dr. Sven Heaton, who during his he did from Sweden during his expeditions in Central Asia has had opportunities for studying the yak in its native land thinks the experiment is worth trying. What is the experiment to bring? What is the experiment to bring yaks to Sweden? To yes, but there's but the yaks are in Sweden. So they're saying bring the Gothenburgs bring more bring To stock place the cows with the yaks Yackify Sweden this be an article in a Swedish newspaper. Yes. Yes

Why are I mean, yes, code is worried about easy. Yeah, I agree Why are North Dakotans worried about yaks? It's crazy. I agree. We got a woman who just did 800 miles on a bicycle. Yeah. Thank God we killed her. Talk about a durable way to transport milk. Oh! Talk about a durable vessel for something to put in your coffee. Just ask your kids.

I mean, that's really what he had. This guy was like, look, no breast milk. That's what they're good for. I just did pull up a picture of a yak in a forest in Sweden, but it doesn't look, it looks, how helpful was that search? We Sweden, wildlife and biodiversity. And now I'm looking at a couple of yaks out the middle of nowhere. So they must have happened. What? There's got to be yaks.

I'm looking at yaks. You say, yeah, again, I'm going to. I'm looking at yaks. I'm looking at yaks. George, what am I doing? I'm looking at yaks. The barbed wire. They got me caught on the fence. I'm wearing a puppy shirt.

Look at that. Yeah, you should see these yaks. Two women in the garb of Sister's Charity were arrested as imposters while soliciting alms in Peoria, Illinois. Soliciting alms. Yes. What are all? I believe that's like a donation to a church, right? Oh.

Tell me. I like the homer. That's how they have it. So here. Well, that's what I'm guessing. It's like an oil, like a treatment. Alms. Yes. Money or food given to the poor people. Alms. Yeah. So it's a charity., and

the In Wilkes Bar, Pennsylvania, a special policeman fired a revolver at women strike rioters and wounded a boy. So it wasn't just women. Wow. What a loss, loss right there. Yeah. The thing they're protesting and you shot a little kid. Yeah.

These women are doing something wrong. Hey, kid. I mean, you're probably, yeah, you're just like, wow, a sea of women and I hit the one boy. Yeah. What are the odds? It's like, wow, just look at yourself in the mirror and, you know. I got a good job.

How was work today? Well. I tried to shoot a lady and I killed a boy. Yeah. Oh, that's nice. Yeah. Oh. that's nice. Yeah. Oh.

So it wasn't good? You're asking a lot of questions for a non-penis Tumen. Why are you wearing a nun costume? Ew. You know why. Policeman AA Ent and Supervisor Johnkin, were stoned and beaten with clubs. And fireman Tonkin was blinded by this is the same story. So so they didn't like it.

So there was a big reaction. Yeah, there's a big reaction to killing the boy. And did you say sprayed by pepper spray? It's a spray blinded by pepper. So so this is before spray, but people just straight up have very effective pepper. Man, I wish we could go back to when they just had to throw pepper instead of the spray. It's gonna be awful. Just think about that. Yeah, just think about cutting the guy down. That's that's the other

tactic. All right, boys, cut those onions. You're in big, boys cut those onions you're big you're big trouble give me some hot sacks a masked mob of about 75 men attacked the jail at Covington Georgia in an effort to secure William Collins a white man under arrest for attempted assault on a young girl the sheriff's guard fired into the mob and dispersed it one man was carried off wounded Wow so it's all over a white man being in jail well they well but he did carried off wounded. Wow. So it's all over a white man being in jail. Well, they well, but he did he did harm a young girl. So it's probably more like a rape.

Let's kill the pedophile thing. Yeah. Oh, OK. Yeah. Let's just jump off the white guy bandwagon. OK, guys. I love that they did point out that he's a white man. Yeah. Yeah, it's rare. Well, yeah, that's normally what they do. If it's a violent crime, it's a man. And if he's innocent, it's a white man, though. Yeah. Yeah. It's rare. Well, yeah, that's normally what they do. If it's a violent crime, it's a man.

And if he's innocent, it's a white man. That's right. That's when race comes into play for the papers. But he wasn't innocent, right? A mob tried to kill him and then a sheriff had to defend him. That's the story. Yeah, but they got him. I mean, they killed him. They. Oh, no, they did. No, they did. They dispersed it. You're right. Yeah. Yeah. They shot a guy in the crowd. They shot a boy.

Another boy. Just another innocent boy. This guy's just like, I shouldn't be firing my gun. If you guys don't get out of here, get these kids out of my face right now. All the children leave. Why are there kids out of my face right now. All the all the children leave. Why are there kids out right now? He finally hits a woman. She was pregnant. Jesus Christ. I can't get a break.

Good fuck. OK, OK, here's a good one. Here's a good one. This is out of Cumberland, Maryland. Lion loose. Oh, boy. Terrifying growls issued from an express car on a train that passed through the other day.

Bound for Philadelphia. I don't know. Come on. You know why? It's a circus thing. Yeah, yeah, it's got to be a circus. Got to be a circus. It's someone's pet, maybe. A lion was in possession, freed from his cage, slaughtering chickens by wholesale. What the fuck? So the lion escaped on a train and is eating chickens.

Yeah, that's right. Is this Noah's train? Conductor and brakeman kept as far away as their duties would permit. Yeah, no. Yeah, there's no there's no. The story is the guy, the train conductor goes after the lion. Not yeah, he was like super freaked out. And they never talk about this in fucking train school. This is like the Indiana Jones. By the way, if a lion gets loose, here's what you guys do.

It's pretty much a lot of coal shoveling and steering. And then don't forget, you're going to do the English switch on some of those tracks. That's not what a Spaniard bangs your wife, but also if a lion approaches you. Hey, what about the training? Yak? The training must be crazy. Training. Oh, training half a dozen.

Hagel Hagenbeck's men were gathered at in the caboose, gloomily wondering what they could do to restore the monster to confinement. I love that the power. Where those mokers? Hey, there's a problem. This is a real an issue. My cousin got I got an idea. I got an idea.

Yeah, Johnny, let him tackle you when he starts eating you. And then we grab him. I think we should get a woman for that job. OK, OK. And a woman. Oh, what about a boy? Bang. You just shot the last kid. God. When the train stopped here for water, they were at their wits end. It must have been going on for a while.

It's just a fucking he's just having fun with the birds. He's loving it. Why? It's just like, it's pretty good. Many of the inhabitants flocked to the station to listen at a safe distance to the pandemonium that raged in the express. So fucking crazy. This is exciting. Yeah. Like I would go on.

Usually the stories of stuff that you would never go watch. But this is something I'd be like, what's going on in the train? So it's so weird. It's like so sadistic to go down to the train station to hear a lion just rip through people. I guess the worry would be that check. Yeah. Chicken. The worry would be that it would get out and you'd be watching. Yeah, totally.

So maybe I wouldn't go down. But that's like whenever like a bull gets loose at like, you know, a rodeo or something. I am so I'm like fucking crush through that. I root bull so hard in those situations. Just people who are like, who could have seen this tragedy? I probably wouldn't have admitted that. There was a continuous fluttering and screaming. the around him amid vibrant roars that sent the crowd staggering backward. Wow. So this lion just fucking ate every chicken.

Yeah. No one dared to enter the car. The animal trainers in the caboose were only too thankful to be divided from their charge by stout wooden walls. That's weird. Wow. What are they going to do? They know what the problem is. They're not going until he's full.

They're the most suited to go do something. Well, you wait till he's full. I guess at that point. There was some guy who was like, anyway, he didn't get any chickens, did he? That's my future. Accustomed as they were to subdue wild beasts, they realized that this lion, which had glutted himself on living prey, would rend any man who

approached him. So they're just like... Yeah, I'm not going there. They're like, look, we know how to do something. Like, we can, you know, we got one time put a chair in his mouth, but we're not going to do this. No. This is crazy.

I don't have my whip. And no. Through a grating in the side of the car, they could see him from time to time, his muzzle stained with blood and bristling feathers. He ate chicken through his muzzle. Wow, I didn't know that was a muzzle. That's like when someone breaks their lap band.

Hello? Is this thing on? You guys there? We're not gonna join you. I'm trying to remember what he laughed in. All about him. It's for the tummy. The tummy.

It's a tummy lace. Yeah. All about him lay the mutilated bodies of birds he had seized without devouring them. Oh, this is all the he's just killing him. He's just killing him. The torture to not be able to eat him. The survivors flew hither and tither frantically,

sometimes hitting the roof and dropping back again to the floor. None of those responsible for the lion's safekeeping could imagine how he had broken from his cage, but it was easy to conceive. He had been maddened by the heat and darkness and jolting of railway traveling to get inside the head of a cap, like a captive beast. We don't know what pissed him off, but maybe being removed from his natural habitat and put on a train. He seemed like a real dick.

Aggravated as it must have been by the sound and smell of life in the crates all about him. So he was in. So he's left the head of a woman and now he's like, now I'm in the head of a lion. Yeah, but also, I mean, they are right. Like he is in, like you said, he's not in the jungle. He's in a train, but he's also surrounded

by fucking chickens. It's like torture. Yeah, and they're like, what is it? It was agreed that the only thing to do was to continue the journey to Philadelphia with all possible speed and there take steps at leisure to either capture or kill the bloodthirsty animal. And that is the train run on decision. Wow. His decision by far. Well, what should we do? And he is like, I mean, I guess we just go to Jersey still. Go to Philly. What do you think? Well, that's where you always go if you have a lion loose. Yeah, no, for sure.

Yeah, let's go to Philly. Wow. All right. That was the best story. Yeah. Yeah, that is the winning story of the paper. Wow. What a lion.

It's the best one since the guy just said that anyone eating clam chowder is kind of a loser. A blind pigger was arrested at Harvey Max next. Yeah. A blind pigger was arrested at Harvey, but was released on account of absence of prosecution. Pigger was arrested at Harvey, but was released on account of absence of prosecution. And then a guy got arrested and then just because the prosecutor your day in court, that is the best outcome possible. That's even better than a mistrial, just being like, yeah, the other lawyer

didn't show up, so yeah, not here. What are you going to do? Get out of here. Little scamp. Help him out. Yeah. A pigger. What is a pigger? What are you gonna do it out of here little scamp help him out? Yeah a pigger What is a pigger? Is it just I guess like a pig guy a guy who think farm, right? I think I like a pig farmer. Yeah, but that's just a crazy way to say it. It's not okay Could you imagine a question? This was a typo? I definitely think we're not weighing in as much. I definitely think the energy change.

Oh, wait. Don't God, don't do fucking not. What a bigger Dave. I don't know if you should be saying it anymore, to be quite honest with you. A pigger, no, OK, there's two different versions here. There's a pigger generally defined as a boy who dates girl and who that's in the common ex ex curricular activity called piggying.

A boy who is a male student, a male student who escorts a coed to an athletic contest. Is it a bigger and then but down here it says a person who hunts pigs or is employed to shoot wild pig. I'm going to be the second one. Oh no, this is upsetting. What? It's a blend of pagan. No. Yeah. Oh, fuck me.

Jesus Christ, yeah, you did kind of call it fucking 1899. Yeah. And this whole energy has changed now. Great podcast. Yeah. I just can't believe what I just dare you. Don't turn it on us. I just can't believe what I just read. How dare you? Don't turn it on us. I just can't. White, two white men. I'm an innocent white guy.

No, no. I don't have that thought. You're part of this too, Omid. Don't you fucking dare jump ship. Yeah. Yeah, no, I'm part of it. I know. This is where we're going to make you the third host just

to rebrand just because we have to. Please help us. You're Shannon Sharp. Yeah. No. Shannon. Did she just say Shannon Sharp? rebrand just because we have to. You're sharing. Yeah, no. Should you say Shannon Sharp? Yeah. Oh, no.

Now we do the past times with Shannon Sharp. Oh, fuck. I just want to say I'm in Denver right now. Yeah, I'm out of water. Shannon Sharp had a week. Sucks him off the floor, I guess. Okay. So wait. So there's another story in between.

So then the next paragraph says, according to reports to the building going on in the in the Fairmont, that place must be having a boom. And then the next story is Henry Stetchman of Castleton, allegedly a blind pigger isn't a blind pigger at all. So the jury decided. Oh, so the jury without. So it was just the defense and the jury and the jury is like, yeah, no, he's like innocent. I don't understand what's happening.

There's no other case being made against him. Everyone was like, yeah, cool. The judge is like, this was really stupid. I can't believe I just. Yeah, I'm too. I'm too innocent for this time. Oh, shut up. How dare you?

You're a little fucking. That's what I've always said about you, Dave. That's what I've always said. Thank you. Yeah, thank you. I'm just like, I'm like a yak up in northern Sweden. You know what I mean? Lord.

OK, great. You got one more day for now? Yeah. Let me grab one here You guys don't want to end on that one? No, I don't know what it is That one sort of took a bit of a turn I'm gonna be eating chowder in the park alone later Like that wasn't okay

That was bad You know what would be hilarious? Somebody who gets the bread bowl chowder But doesn't know you're supposed to eat the chowder first and just starts ripping it. Like, I am covered in chowder. This is crazy. Okay.

Dr. Wimdall had an urgent call to Kenmare on Sunday afternoon to attend Harry Hart, foreman in the Rouse coal mine who had fallen from the mouth to the bottom of the shaft a distance of 75 feet. Whoa. He got that hawk to it. Whoa. He can't be he can't be good. He can't be. No, it's a long that's a like bungee jumping. You're like, that's a distance that can't be. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, his poor wife was like did he survive well he's in one piece he exploded and who as strange as it may appear had managed to crawl out of the mine what a distance of a thousand feet and die and make his way to his boarding house unaided

where their doctor found him on arrival. He survived. No. Yes. I said, oh, oh, oh. And then a thousand feet to get to the boarding house. Yeah. And then a doctor was like, Jesus, man, you look horrible. You seem fine. What's going on with you? My insights.

Ah, examination revealed the fact that Mr. Hart had several ribs broken in the left side. The left pleura and lung were badly lacerated and a bone was broken in the left hand. Oh, a bone. Oh, that's the shock, too, was necessarily severe, and it alone would have resulted in death to many a man. After proper attention to the man's injuries, the doctor left him resting quite comfortably, and he is doing and he is now reported

as recovering rapidly from his terrible experience. Rapidly. He fell 75 fucking feet. This like the beginning of there will be blood, except he lives. Fine. He's like, that feel pretty good. Let me just read this. Let me just read this one. Yeah. To stop nose bleeding. Bleeding of the nose is often very difficult to stop. But the efficacy of the following method is vouched for by the New York Times.

Cut some blotting paper about an inch square, roll it about the size of a lead pencil, and put it up the nostril that is bleeding. The hollow in it will allow the sufferer to breathe, and the blood will fill the space between the tube and the nose, and will very soon coagulate and cease to flow." That's helpful for the guy who just fell, by the way. Yeah, right? That's what I was saying. That seems probably a lot of noses were bleeding back then. And it is amazing that they were like, put it in your nose, but still find a way to breathe. And people were like, interesting medical breakthroughs

were happening. You got to still work. Oh, shit. All right. Well, Omid, thank you for joining us. And sorry about that one part of the show, obviously. Of course, I'm talking about the lady bike. Yeah, of course.

Thank you for apologizing. Let's tell people to go watch Lil Special. Your special. 24 minutes. Thank you for joining us. Sorry you got racist at the end. Well, yeah. Let's be fair once you realized what it was you kept doubling down on the P word so I don't know if you're

allowed to say it or you didn't know you didn't know. Let's just we'll let history figure that out when people eventually do this podcast and dissected piece by piece and make fun of us in the future. Until next time everyone this has been the pastimes and we want to thank our our sponsor Omaha Stinks. Thanks everybody. Are they a sponsor? You'll miss me honey, some of these days. So I travel a lot, I mean a lot, perhaps too much to some of you, but that's kind of my gig, right? So I'm out there, I'm living out of suitcases, or suitcase sometimes if I bring the big boy,

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