The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 98 - DC Stephenson

Episode Date: July 19, 2015

Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine the KKK and DC StephensonSOURCESTOUR DATESREDBUBBLE MERCHPATREON

When you're staying at an Airbnb you might be like me wondering could my place be an Airbnb and if it could what could it earn? You could be sitting on an Airbnb and not even know it. That in-law sweet guest house where your parents stay only part-time Airbnb it and make some money the rest of the year whether you could use a little extra money to cover some bills or for something a little more fun. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.ca slash host. Hola amigos. Jesus. You are listening to El Dalapo. It's the Dalap. American History

podcast. Uh-huh. Each week I restore it to my friend. Gareth Reynolds who has no idea what the topic is about and is the only reason this intro isn't twice as long. Um you seem very impatient. Yeah well these are taking forever. God you want to look who to do? I'll do one bottle. People say this is funny. Not Gary Gareth. Steve okay. Someone or something is tickling people. Is it for fun? And this is not going to come to tickly podcast. Okay. You are queen fakie of made up town. All hail queen shit of Liesville. A bunch of religious virgins go to mingle. And do what? Pray. No. Hi Gary. No. I see you've done my friend. No. Hey. So we need to address something. A little bit of controversy. So I want to start out by saying before I started this podcast I consulted an attorney and I was told that what we're doing is called fair use. It falls under fair use laws. It's like what the daily show does. It's like what documentaries do when they use other information for their own purposes. Meaning you don't need to get permission. We did make a mistake though. Which I want to apologize for. And that's that we didn't put up our sources. I had been waiting until we got a website up. I didn't want to do it on Facebook or fucking Reddit or something. I just think that's it. Classes and lame but it was even worse that I didn't do it. So I want to apologize for not putting up the sources. All dollop sources for every single podcast are now up at the dash dollop dash sources. Squarespace.com. So you can see every single. Every single one that we've ever done. All the sources are up. And all sources will go up after each podcast is uploaded. It feels like it's almost time for you to just shout a fucking date. Winter 18. David Dave. Winter 1865. Now time out. Time out. Well now I'm sad after a day. David. We're going to need. I think I speak for all the rooms or the dollopers or whatever they're called or we're called when I say we need a date show. We don't like the somber David.

I'm sad because Dave people were David Dave. I don't think I'm going David. 1865. We're back baby. After the Civil War things were not good in the south. No shit. Really. I'm shocked. Things were destroyed. Cities were gutted and railways were torn up. The economy was a mess. Beggars were all over the streets. Many who had fought in the war. This led to secret societies appearing. What's your favorite secret society. Boy there's so many. I mean I guess I would say you know I like the idea of the Bilderberg group but you know obviously it's easy to just go with Freemasons. They're kind of the Michael Jordan. You know I don't know. The Illuminati it's tough. They had different names. The pale faces. The white brotherhood. The knights of the white camellia and the big boy on the block. The Ku Klux Klan. Oh dear. The Ku Klux Klan. Dave I was hoping out of our options the next one that you weren't going to stick with the Ku. Was formed as a social club by a group of Confederate Army veterans in Pulaski, Tennessee in the winter of 1865. Oh boy. The Klan got its name from Ku Klux. The Greek word for circle and the Scottish Gaelic word Klan. For jerk. For dickheads. It was started by six men as a way to escape the realities of their lives. Sort of like a fantasy baseball league. Yeah it's sad. But nobody said no. Yeah it's like that but horrible. Yeah right. They met in secret places and put on disguises. Disguises were very common for secret societies back then. Interesting.

Yep. We would have pig masks. Yeah for sure. I would definitely want some sort of like Comedia dell'arte like weird masks. How much scarier would the Klan have been if they'd worn pig masks. Jesus. Like actual pigs. Like they cut a pig's head off and made a mask out of the pig. Listen I'd be like yeah whatever whatever let's do it. Let's get out of it. We're going. We're going. I'll do anything that you tell me to do. Pig guys. They were intended to prevent identification by the occupying federal troops. The men would role play in white costumes while riding horses. Role play. Role play. OK. I'm a badger. Stuff like that. And I'm a zoologist. Should they just do horse improv. Can we get an active outdoor activity for our role play. How about if I'm a coach and you're one of my young girls. Oh I love that. I love that. And you hurt your leg. OK. I have to give you a massage. Wait a minute are we still playing the improv. I think so Barry. Your sheets sticking out a little Ted. A little bit. Call me coach. The costume of the Klansman was a mask and white robe and high conical pointed hat. Yeah which is. Any disguise. It's dumb to make it bigger. I agree. A giant hat blows off when you're riding your wonderful horse. And like your vision. I mean like when I used to do kids birthday parties like you're looking through pinholes. Right. What's the upside. What's the upside to that. Yeah I think it's all terrible. And trust me they'd have trouble making balloon animals. I know from experience.

The members quickly discovered that their costumes freaked out the local black population. So they ran with it. This was during the reconstruction movement which caused a lot of resentment in the south reconstruction set the conditions that would allow rebellious southern states back into the union. It forced southern states to grant the black population freedom and political rights. A lot of southerners believe that reconstruction was being used to hand over the south to illiterate blacks. And sure enough many blacks dared to seek an education and participate in political life. Well there you go. How dare they. Yeah I mean if your sticking point is that there's not much we can say to help you right now. The Klan was a way for southern whites to strike back. They rode through the countryside claiming to be the dead soldiers from the battle of Shiloh who had risen from hell to keep the Negroes in their place. What's with the lore. I know you don't have to say you're a ghost. Who gives a fuck. It's for you. Are you telling me these black people are like wow what an amazing origin story. No they were like get the fuck away you have torches. The whites quickly began to see the Klan as a way to control the ex slaves and their northern friends. No it's slavery. They're like slavery again. In 1866 Nathan Bedford Forrest an ex-Confederate general was chosen as the Klan's first leader.

His title was Imperial Wizard. They're so dumb. They're just so fucking dumb. It's so lame. You know what I mean. It's like yeah it's like it's like the nerd returning like after you know getting like it's just like it's just like coming back to just be a fucking prick. It's yeah this is what happens to bad people. Wizard. The bad guys who played D&D as kids. I mean it really is so close to D&D you know what I mean. Wizards. He came up with the great names for positions within the Klan. Imperial Wizard. Grandmaster. Grand Dragon. Grand Dragon. Grand Goblin. Grand Goblin? Yeah. Who's that? Can I trade my title. That's essentially the Mr. Pink. Titan? Titan. Alright. Kilograph. What? Nighthawk. Cleagle. How the fuck are you gonna have a group that has Nighthawk and then a Cleagle? Can I be the Cleagle? One of them sounds like a fucking awesome superhero and the other one sounds like a weird part of the vagina. night hawk, by the way, spelled with a K.

Right, wait, what do you mean spelled with a K? There's a K, night hawk, there's a K. Are there like three Ks at the end of it? There's a silent K in the beginning. Night hawk. There's a silent K in the beginning. That should be something the clan does, is anytime there's a K, just drop three on them.

I'd be a, that's kind of like cool little branded, you know? Oh, and Cyclops. Cyclops, cool. Does that guy just get one hole in his mask? He's like, I don't want this part. You just get the one hole in the middle of your forehead. I'm supposed to be the treasure and I can't see shit. Just look through the pinhole

on the middle of your forehead, Cyclops. With each? Where is Goblin? Has anyone, does anyone have eyes on Goblin? I mean, guys. It's Grand Goblin to you. Jesus Christ, get him. It's not just Goblin.

Get on the fucking horse, Goblin. I'm not just a goblin, I'm a grand goblin. Listen, grand goblin, get on the horse. I will get on the card. Cleagle, Cleagle hurt his leg. Fucking Cleagle hurt his leg. I was doing Cleagle. Oh, Cleagle, I told you to just stay on the gut.

Okay, all right, everyone breathe as the grand wizard. All right, I'm gonna need you guys to be on the- I'm the Nighthawk. My rock, Nighthawk, my rock, my baby. I can always depend on you, Nighthawk. I only fly at night. That's gonna be an issue because we're not going at night. God damn misfits.

They sound like a group of like, at the beginning of police academy. They've all got their little different, high tower. They each wore a colored robe. Nighthawk, which was like a security guard, wore a black robe that was shorter so he could run about and do security like things. This is honestly, it's honestly like,

and I know it's dark, but this is sad. Yeah, they just described a dress. Yeah, I mean, it's sad. It is sad. They're too old for this. This is like, yeah. Their secret meetings and gatherings were known as clan vacations.

Who's, I mean, who's signing off on the names for this shit? Local clans were called Klaverns. Oh, Klaverns. Membership fees were called Klek Tokens. Klek Token, what? It's like- It's like German. That sounds like what you paid again

on the German Metro. Oh my God. Do you have your Klek Tokens? It's two Klek Tokens to ride the train, please. It is like people who learn the language Klingon. Yeah, totally. You mean K-K-K-Klingon. The clan said about terrorizing the newly freed blacks

and prevented them from becoming economically and socially integrated into society. I mean, did you even need the clan? Like, it's gonna be impossible for them anyway. Well, but then they could just, it's just the way of hiding their identities, but they could've just put on a mask over their face and rode around.

We had pig heads. We've already established there's a better thing on the table. They didn't need all the crazy names. Crazy names. No, it got really, there had to been some dudes who when the names started coming out were like, you know, I'm not gonna do this.

Yeah, we're like, look, I mean, I hate black people. I don't like black people, but- But you guys are maybe making me think that they might have a point. I mean, your outfits are bananas. Have you guys looked in the goddamn mirror? Cyclops is walking into a fucking tree over there. Nighthawk has a black dress on.

Hello. It is an evening dress that you wear to a party. Listen, I don't wanna interrupt, but I think I broke my pinky finger. Klegel, shut the fuck up, Klegel. I'm making cookies. Oh boy. So it started with fear and persuasion

and then quickly moved to violence. The Klan saw themselves as an organization upholding law and order and restoring pride in an area ravaged by war. They weren't just going after blacks though. They also went after carpetbaggers, white people sympathetic to the reconstruction. You're black too now.

You are like double black because you're white, but you like blacks. You've got the best disguise of all. So they were brutally violent. Anyone would meet a violent death if they stood in the way. The Klan assorted, assortment of chicks included lynching, shooting, whippings.

They would drag men, women, and children out of bed in the middle of the night. They burned churches and schools and lynched teachers and educated blacks. Isis. Black landowners were driven off their property. If they refused to leave, they were murdered. If a black man refused to work for whites, he was whipped.

Same went for having. How great would it be for a black landowner to only hire white dudes to work in his field? Just for what it would do to the Klan. Like when they'd see that, if he's just out there like, now come on, cracker, step it up now, cracker. Come on, cracker, come on, cracker. Pick that fucking cotton cracker.

So if a black man refused to work for whites, he was whipped. The same went for having intimate relations with whites, arguing with whites, having jobs whites wanted, or reading a newspaper, or having a book in their home. In their home? In their home. No books.

In their hand, I thought was what was gonna get said, and that's crazy, but they can't even possess books. No, no possession of books. All right. We have rules. Shocking that the Klan hates books. Yeah, the big goblin thought that one up. That's right, they'll never get them.

And they would go after anybody. They whipped a 103-year-old woman and a completely paralyzed man. I'm not even trying to make light, but that's so dumb. To whip a... Yeah, the paralyzed guy. The old woman's super fucked.

I mean, they're both fucked up. No, he's paralyzed. So he's just like, yeah, keep going. The Klan was like, run out your race. He's like, I'm quite good, actually. A whip. Are you, have you guys started? Let me know when you guys start.

At this point, General Forrest was like, hey, this is out of fucking control. And he tried to disband the Klan, he helped create. But he was unsuccessful. It was off and running. The federal government saw the Klan as criminals and outlawed them in 1870 with the enforcement acts. In nine counties of South Carolina,

martial law was declared and Klan's men were tried before predominantly black juries. That's awesome. That is fucking awesome. That's such a great way to do it. And then imagine, imagine when you're like, you're like, hey, what's up, Jerry? So like, how are you guys?

Are you guys good? But let's just say that's the only time in American history, including up till right now that white people were tried before black juries. Now it's the opposite and still is not changing. Nationwide, hundreds of Klan's men were tried and imprisoned. It worked, the Klan was broken by 1872. But no, they weren't.

Oh, David Curtis Stevenson, known as DC, was born in Houston, Texas in 1891. Oh, dude. He was the youngest of three children. His parents were sharecroppers, meaning they farmed an area of land owned by someone else and were paid with a share of the harvest. Sharecropping started in the South after the Civil War

as a way for freed slaves to provide for their families. But it quickly became popular with poor white farmers who couldn't buy their own land or tools. It kept everybody in poverty. Uh-huh, great, great system. The family moved to Maysville, Oklahoma. DC went to a Methodist school until he was 16. That was when he finished his schooling in the eighth grade.

Well, I've learned all there is to learn. But back then, an eighth grade education was enough to become an elementary teacher. Well, it's shocking that we were so racist. But that educational system really puts a finer point on all this. DC became a passionate reader of politics and history. He was also super into girls and quickly developed

a reputation in Maysville. At one point, he had to hide from a gang of rival boys in the local job store for half a day. After that, he carried a revolver through town. I mean, take that drug store plan. Yeah, half a day. DC got a job working for a socialist newspaper and then joined the Socialist Party.

The Socialist Party was becoming popular in Oklahoma around 1910. The Socialist Party was huge back then. Yeah, but I'm worried, OK. Mostly due to politician and entertainer Oscar Ameringer, who advocated for African-Americans and helped elect a governor opposed to the Ku Klux Klan. Ameringer was a German immigrant. He would put on shows filled with vaudeville-style speeches,

filled with comedy musicians and singers. And at the end, he would deliver his socialist pitch to the crowd. Get them all lubed up and then hit them with it. Yeah. Yeah. You like that comedy? Well, how about we all get paid the same fucking amount? Fuck yeah!

That's totally what it is, dude. Let's own the gas companies. And more people should do that. I agree. Anybody who has a stand-up show at the end, they should just totally be like, listen, the Keystone Pipeline will fucking ruin the environment. Have a great night. Thanks.

So DC was a big fan. He studied Ameringer's personality and speaking skills in his spare time. It paid off. DC was accrued to travel around Oklahoma giving speeches to drum up support for the socialist party. At the same time, he also got a reputation for hard drinking and womanizing.

He also wasn't devoted to the cause. Turns out he had political aspirations and he didn't really care which group got him there. After the popularity of the socialist party declined after World War II, he left the party. That's right. Leave when the party's over. DC then drifted around the state working

for different newspapers. He was blonde and blue-eyed and still working the ladies at every chance. He used everything at his disposal. When courting a local girl named Nettie Hamilton, he placed a picture of her in the newspaper under the headline The Most Beautiful Girl in Oklahoma. What?

That is, I mean, That's insane. I mean, insanely effective. Man, if this doesn't get me laid, I don't know what will. Did you see the headline? The editor's like asshole. He's like, look, I really want to fuck this chick. Trust.

OK. Trust me. I really am trying to fuck her. Extra, extra, guy trying to fuck smoking chicks. It worked. They married and moved to Maddell, where he took a job at another local paper. Probably because he was fired for this.

Yeah, because they were like, get the fuck out of here. Hey, guess what? No personal notes in the paper. Anyway, see you guys later. I got another job and a beautiful wife. But DC started to well become a pattern in his life. He got into a fight with his publisher after getting drunk and lost his job.

At that point, he bailed on his pregnant wife and heading to Cushing, Oklahoma. That's tough. If you're running a headline, you've got to make sure you're locking it down. Man bails on pregnant wife. Just put a picture of him. Everything I do, I do a headline with.

Form a really hot girl, not as hot now pregnant. Hotest girl in the world gained too much weight while pregnant. Hotest girl in the world having dramatic mood swings, not attractive anymore. But Nettie wasn't too keen on the idea of being left behind with no closure. And in 1917, she tracked DC down and filed for divorce. Jesus.

At this point, seemingly have. It's so fucked up to be like, there you are. Now, can I never see you again officially? You had to find the person and be like, Jesus Christ. Can we end this? Yes, please. At this point, seemingly having fucked up everywhere, DC enlisted in the army.

Later, he would tell tales of fighting bravely on the battlefields of Europe. But he actually worked as a recruiter in Iowa. Well, that's still pretty brave for me. It's very brave. You got to go up to a farmhouse and be like, hey, there's a war on. Hey, it's really tough out there.

Trust me, I'm doing this instead. Anyway, want to head over there? And he kept at his reading hobbies, getting shit-faced and having sex with as many women as possible. He kept a private room off base in town for his sexual adventures. Dude, he had a fuck room?

Yeah, he had a fuck room. He had a screw pad. A fucking fuck room. He had a screw pad. A 1917 fuck room. He might have invented fuck rooms. We might be talking about the founder of screw pads. That's what this is about, the founder of fuck rooms.

Yeah. Man, there was some dark shit to eat at first, but now it's supper time. But then he was restation after being suspected of breaking into the armory's liquor stocks. Jesus, this dude liked the sauce. Really, that's a lot. That is a lot.

He somehow managed to become an officer and learn the valuable skills of organizing and leading groups. I love that a guy gets booted from that base for stealing booze, but then he gets promoted. Yeah, at the next one. The war ended and DC sought new employment. He got himself a job as a traveling salesman. Now he can fuck on the road.

Dude, I was just going to say, he went door to door. Can you imagine? Perfect job. You want to buy a vacuum? You want to buy a come inside? Do you suck as good as this vacuum? In Akron, Ohio, he met his next wife, Violet Carroll. They married.

No newspaper headline? No, not that one. Took a bit. He had a sky rider. They married in Evansville, Indiana, moved to Evansville, Indiana in 1920. There, the charismatic DC became a successful stock salesman for the Citizen Coal Company.

Now, Dave, don't think that I've forgotten that this started as a story about the Klan. What? Yeah, because I'm not this guy. I like his story, but I'm worried. Why? Because I don't know. But I'm curious how a socialist would become.

Right. Fuck. Interesting, huh, Gary? Naturally, DC, who admired a marriage pro-black politics and spent time lecturing for the socialist party, joined the KKK in 1921 at age 30. I mean, that statement of mine was right on time. So what?

So he literally just, isn't that strange, though, for a socialist to like? He's soulless. So he just doesn't give a shit. He just drank and fucked himself into hating blacks? Just looking for power. He just doesn't care about anything. Yeah, right.

OK, he's Trump. Yeah, we all hating blacks. He's Donald Trump. OK, I'll hate black stuff. He's totally Trump. Yeah. Because at this point, the Klan was making a huge comeback. The Klan should have been forgotten in the dustbin of assholes.

But then along came novelist Thomas Dixon, Jr. He wrote a romanticized play of the Klan's history in 1905. It was titled The Klan's Men, A Historical Romance of the Ku Klux Klan. Oh, yoyoy. So he's keeping it subtle. How are sales? He's keeping it subtle with the title.

Yeah, I mean, really. Yeah, I wonder what this is going to be for. What's it going to be about? Which side does it land on? Yeah, is it pro, con? Hard to tell. Dixon claimed that the Klan was fighting for a just cause against wild blacks and white criminals.

Fucking. Then, 10 years later, filmmaker D.W. Griffith used Dixon's book. Oh, god. That's what I thought. As a basis for a new movie called Birth of a Nation. The worst thing ever made, arguably. The most racist.

Oh, yeah. The film depicts black people as crazed, ape-like savages sweeping into towns and taking over. But how did they hire all the black actors, Dave? They just put white people in oil face. It's so offensive. In the movie, the blacks sit in Congress with their bare feet on desks.

The, quote, Negro party has 101 seats to 23 white seats and controls the white minority. The speaker rules that all members must wear shoes. Well, he's going to get out voted. He doesn't have the votes. Crazed men on the streets enter houses going after white women who are helpless and pure. This madness continues until hooded figures

on white horses ride in and save the day. Wow. They have it prayed through town all as well again. I'll post the link on Facebook. Terrifying. And on the sources page. It's on YouTube, the film movie. It's terrifying.

And D.W. Griffiths has a middle school. And not well written. Anyway. And D.W. Griffiths has a middle school named after him here in Los Angeles. Shut up. What? How?

Fuck, if I know. How are these little, like fucking, like, just recently, we obviously hear in this very progressive nation of ours has started to take down the Confederate flag from, like, the Senate and Congress. Government buildings. Government buildings. And yet, we still have stuff like that.

Like, what would it be like for a black kid to go to that school? Oh, fuck. Can you imagine? And to actually find out what it's named for. Oh. Go fighting racists. Hey, we don't give a shit about you.

Anyway, go on a learning. Yeah. Sometimes, I'm sorry, sometimes we just have to retroactively change shit. Redskins. We can't change the name. Redskins, we're looking in your direction. Oh, my god.

I mean, seriously, you fucking piece of shit. The film was a huge hit in the South, but not so much in the North. Just like the Hangover. People in the South looked at is as what had gone down under reconstruction. People in the North thought it was, you know, fucking insane. Yeah, right.

Sure. Then total moron president, Woodrow Wilson, saw the movie. He was a Democrat. And at this time, Democrats were the party of racist white Southerners. Woodrow Wilson said the movie was, quote, all too terribly true.

Oh, boy. And that was that, America flocked to the film. Oh, boy. When Birth of a Nation opened in Atlanta, Georgia, and had appeared in an Atlanta newspaper calling for Southern white men to join, quote, a high class order for men of intelligence and character. What organization might that be?

The Klan, baby. No, it ain't. Clue Cluck's Klan was back. It's funny that in the first cut of Birth of a Nation during the credits, they did do bloopers, but then they felt that that took them off message. This is what is known as the second wave of the Klan. This new version of the Klan was more open to hating people.

As opposed to the first version? More different people. Oh, so they're now like Chinese, Mexicans, Jews. In the post-World War I years, they opened up to hating Catholics, Jews, and immigrants from Europe and elsewhere. That literally had to be a meeting, which is crazy to picture. Can I make a recommendation?

Yes, in the back. Jews. Well, we've always said Jews are a bit of a gray area for us. But while we're opening this up, why don't we talk about it? Yes. They have tails and they control the banks. Well, listen, I'm not one to sit up here and tell you that Jews do not have tails.

We all know Jews probably have tails. OK. It's just, do we have the resources to be that racist? Yeah. All in favor of hating Jews as well? Say, hey. Returning vets looking for discipline and order joined local groups like the Knights of St. John

and the Order of Red Men. They also pushed what is known as 100% Americanism, aligning with patriotism. This helped the Klan catch on elsewhere, like in the North. Since hating blacks wasn't such a big thing there, the Klan made Catholics and other anti-Americans their target. You've got to say that as dumb as the Klan is, at least they know how dumb the rest of the country is.

They saw a market. The Klan portrayed themselves as protectors of morality. Right, yeah, sure. Go get them, goblin. In Indiana, the Klan used 19th century horse thief laws to become a quasi-police force. That's not good. That's fine.

That's not who you want as the police. It's totally fine. We were just good with the one police. Any time you're using horse thief laws, then it's fine. Yeah, of course. Of course. Using this law, they were able to go after bootleggers, drunks, unfaithful spouses, and corrupt politicians.

The Klan was now policing adulterers? That's an interesting paradox. They liked the IRA. Yeah, they could, yep. The good old days were back. Whipping, tar and featherings, threats of violence, and for black victims, lynching became common practice. The Klan's popularity increased after it

acted on the fears of the poor small town Protestant American of the new immigrant-filled, degraded immorality of the time. Great, perfect. In Indiana, where DC now lived, the Klan made inroads into Indiana churches because these were seen as times of moral decay. Any organization that stood for decency should be promoted, even if they killed blacks and tar

and feathered Catholics. That's an interesting, even if, kind of a fun little bridge. We're going to bring back morality. Let's do pro-Khans. They're professional. And they, Kahn, they'll kill the black people. Pro, the uniforms. Yes, thank you.

In the back. Pro? Yes. They are against adultery. True, pro, they hate adulterers. They hate adultery. And again, Kahn, they do murder black people. Right.

And this is a church. Oh, pro. Yep, pro in the back. Jews. Well, listen, we're not doing another Jew meeting. They killed Jesus. All right, sit down, please. You've had put your hand down.

I've already called on you. Please put your hand down. I've called on you before. I've seen the horns. All right, we're going to have to ask you to get out. Klan's men would make surprise visits to churches to donate money and promote their cause. The first imperial wizard at this time

was a former Methodist preacher named William Simmons. In Evansville, Indiana in 1920, DC was now a member of the Democratic Party. He would side with any organization that would help to promote himself. He ran for Congress in 1922, but lost. Then he tried to form his own fraternal organization, but that failed.

OK. At that point, he was recruited to be an organizer of the Klan. Sure, not as catchy. With his background in organizing, he was very successful. The Evansville Clevern became the most powerful in the state. DC then set up a base in Indianapolis where he helped to create the Klan state newspaper,

Fiery Cross. Oh, boy. Jesus, that's quite a paper. Fiery, get your Fiery Cross here. Oh, god. Get your Fiery Cross. Blacks are around. Headline.

Page six. See the hottest girl in the world this week. This week's hottest girl in the world, the DC is trying to pork. It was the newspaper was originally called FACT. Well, and you know things aren't good when that's not an accurate title. We better change this to something more.

Well, that's just too much bullshit. It's a little more pizzazz. Let's just call it Fiery Cross. What about total bullshit? Again, I think we're leaning too hard in the other direction. We can't go FACT either, so. DC organized the Klan throughout the state, but was oddly a very private man.

He once snapped at someone, quote, it's no one's business where I was born or who my folks were. Right. It's a little weird. I guess small talks off the table. But even with that weirdness, he made friends easily and developed a political power base. And because the wind blew in the other direction,

he joined the Republican Party. Interesting. This guy, interesting. This change helped him gain the most power. In November 1922, there was a national election for Grand Wizard. God, that's sad. I mean, was it at Hogwarts?

Bunch of fucking losers. Instead of backing the incumbent Grand Wizard, he threw his weight behind Hiram J. Evans. I mean, listen to what was just said. How can you hear that and be like, well, we're living in reality? It's so embarrassing. I'm backing a new Grand Wizard this year.

Can I be a hobbit? Can you get out? What about a clobbit? God damn it, yes, it's catchy. Get back in. I would like to propose two breakfasts. Two breakfasts? Clobbit, get out now.

You've lost me, Clobbit. Get out. It's clobbit. Get out, Clobbit. You had me until you asked for double breakfast. Evans won and DC was rewarded. He was appointed Grand Dragon, a state leader, and for 22 northern states.

I mean, but it's just so stupid. Yes, in the back. I just want to say that I'm the Grand Dragon of 22. Wait a minute. Get out. You're the clobbit. I can tell you the clobbit stuff. Yeah, fuck.

Good disguise, asshole. DC's introduction as Grand Dragon happened at a 1923, 4th of July, Clan Gathering in Kokomo, Indiana. Population, 30,000. Wow. But more than 100,000 attended the ceremony. This was the Clan's largest gathering in history, a 50-piece band played the song America,

which the crowd sang in unison. Then DC arrived by plane and hit the stage dressed in a purple robe and hood. Oh, boy. And he said, my worthy subjects, citizens of the invisible empire, clansmen, all greetings. It grieves me to be late. The president of the United States

kept me unduly long counseling on vital matters of state. What a fucking prick. What a name-dropping prick. Sorry, everyone. I was just with the president. Ever heard of him? He lacks my robe. Ever heard of it?

All right, everybody. Yeah. It's almost like it's the state of the union. DC then gave an hour-long speech about 100% Americanism, and the crowd shoured him with money and jewelry. I'm picturing the political structure in idiocracy. Yeah. OK.

All of this, of course, is total bullshit built up by the DC clan's propaganda machine. Yeah. Yeah. The most reliable account says DC spoke to 10,000 people, and he was wearing a suit. Oh, here we go. No mention was made of the president.

No one threw money or jewelry at him. The bullshit story of Kokomo and the way it was embraced as truth is a great example of what a historian called, quote, the bravado and bluff, the incredible audacity that formed the heart of DC Stevenson's life. So made up, only a wizard could do it. Yeah. Oh, he did give a speech that day.

It was about fiscal responsibility, political corruption, and American imperialism. So just a normal speech. A speech. After there was a parade attended by 1,000 white-robed clansmen and their families, a dozen floats lined the streets, one showing a clansman protecting a young girl from a crazed black man.

I mean, there had to be black people out a little bit. And you had to be like, Jesus, god. I mean, a parade. But I just saw that float in the Rose Parade last year. Then that was a controversial float. It was. It was way off topic. I don't know.

It was made of roses. Imagine sneaking that one through today. We got it. God. This one's an homage. Yeah, I will say, yeah. I thankfully, as in the toilet as we are as a society, people would be outraged.

At least there's that. Yes. The crowd sang hymns, such as the old rugged cross, around a 60-foot-high fiery cross. What a bunch of fucking losers. Fireworks lit up the night sky. DC enjoyed his success, having made a big step forward toward the national political power he craved.

Now, DC was a perfect representative for the clan, a great speaker, charming, great organizer, with blond hair and blue eyes. He seemed to be the perfect example of what the clan could be. He was a Godfrey Christian, an avowed prohibitionist, a defender of chastity, of Protestant womanhood, and he advocated a fairer day's pay for a fairer day's work.

He even publicly disavowed violence, intimidation, and the burning of crosses. Wait, but it's a weird thing to be. I mean, look, I get it. I am against the burning of crosses, but I also help run a paper called Fiery Cross. It's, you know. You see why that's tough for me.

I don't, I don't. You see what's tough. It's a catchy name. Let's light this cross up. All right, get her going. DC worked tirelessly to expand the clan in Indiana. He would fly into towns in an airplane, wearing his purple robe, and deliver exciting speeches

that whip people into a frenzy. He railed against blacks who were coming to violate white women, Catholics who were carrying out the Pope's world conquest, and the Jewish International banking conspiracy. Attendees didn't attend. God, whites are so pure. They're so great and moral.

So great. We're lucky. Attendees didn't even know DC's name. He was just called the old man. It's called crazy purple shithead. There's the guy in purple. From July 1922 to July 1923, 2,000 new members joined the clan in Indiana each week.

What the fuck? He was on fire. I mean, that's like Twitter numbers. Yeah. Jesus. The Baltimore Sun reported, quote, the organizers of the clan were enrolling citizens so fast that they ran out of nightgowns three times.

What a dumb state. I mean, that really just says it all. They ran out of nightgowns. That's what I mean, really. Oh, man, I don't get my nightgown yet. Excuse me, one of the nighties coming in. I am joining the hate group. Sorry, I feel like I've done my part

by being full of questionless hate. When do I get the outfit? I want my nightie. I want my nightie to tell the blacks they're the worst. Give me my nightgown. Do you have any more purples? It's almost like when they hand out jerseys for when you're a kid playing soccer and you want the number.

No. I want a nine. No, I want a nine. Oh, shit. God damn it. 17. Fuck. What am I, a goalie?

Indiana became the most kick-ass clan state in the country. Clan membership was stronger per capita in Indiana than anywhere else in the nation. This is a bit weird because Indiana had the fewest blacks Jews and Catholics per capita. Yeah, well. We hate him because he ain't here.

What does it look like? Honestly, it's just like a club where we go drinking and stuff because there's nobody around to hate. I'm honestly just here for the nighties. I like the way the material feels. I've been looking for a place to throw a nightie with other guys. OK, as long as there's a club where

I can get drunk, touch men, and wear my nightie. It rubs up against me. I'll say I hate black people in Jews if I can just be around other men in nighties. Oh, yeah. No, I hate blacks. They're going to rape our women. Hey, you want to hug nighties?

Well, I love the way the material feels. Within two years of becoming the Grand Dragon, DC had recruited more than 300,000 white men. Jesus Christ. Jesus. That was one third of the male population of the state of Indiana. Oh, my god.

Indiana, are you listening? The fiery cross had a circulation of over 400,000. Oh, god. Jesus Christ. And DC saw this as a way to make money, as well as increasing his power. He used his position as Grand Dragon to take a little off the top.

He was paid $4 out of every $10 initiation fee. Just a little. Collect token. Just a little off the top. I won't get. 40%. I'll get 40% of each collect token, OK? I'm sorry.

What? Yeah. Well, that important. Yeah. This robe don't purple itself. Give me that check. He pocketed $4.25 from every $6 robe and hood. Oh, my god.

So, OK, yeah, he's skimming a little off the top. He's fucking rolling. It sounds like the Klan is skimming a little off the top. Yeah. He also got a cut of handbooks and other paraphernalia and became rich. Being so powerful, many political candidates signed pledges agreeing to DC's terms.

Oh, my god. He had everyone running for office in his pocket. Jesus. Through the Republican Party, the Klan soon controlled the Indiana government. New York Times, 1923. In no state of the union, not even Texas, is the domination of the Ku Klux Klan

as absolute as it is in Indiana. The Republican and Democratic organizations of Indiana are apparently impotent in the existing situation. It is only necessary to ask Indiana politician to discuss the Klan menace to demonstrate the accuracy of this assertion. The answer in nearly every instance will be, excuse me, the Klan in Indiana says it is not in politics.

The evidence, however, is all the other way. The Democrats are just as feeble as is the Republican organization. So far as staging a fight against the hooded force is concerned. Both parties are pussy-footing on the Klan issue, and the leaders of both are praying they won't have to take sides.

At least that's consistent. At least that's fine. In 1924, many Indiana Klan endorsed candidates were elected. The Indianapolis mayor and chair of the T-Party. The tenant governor, secretary, it's exactly like the T-Party. Secretary of State and Governor Ed Jackson, the Republicans gained a majority of the state's

House of Representatives. DC was very humble, declaring, I am the law in Indiana. Well, that's super humble. Time to outlaw shoolessness. Just like we talked about. For what? For what, yeah. But he was actually the opposite.

Rumors swore that DC was a drunk who would stop at nothing to get what he wanted. We know that he is. Including women. A friend of his said, quote, when he was in his cups, no woman was safe from him. So the whole thing he's perpetuating about women not being safe from black people is about him?

Yeah. OK. His marriage began to fall apart. He drank heavily. He's still married. Oh, I just assumed that it ended. He drank heavily and fell into wild rages. He once gave his wife a black eye and another time

kicked her and pulled her hair. He must have hated that part of her eye. She wasn't. He's like, blah, blah, that piece of your eye. Look at it not working. It's trying to take over your body. That eye is going to take our women. Your eye is going to rape you.

His wife wasn't up for all the beatings and she left him. Smart. DC then went on a seduction tear. With his power, things were easy for him with the ladies. He kept women's love letters in small black lock boxes right beside the box. What color boxes? Of signed pledges from politicians.

But don't you like not even to be weird, but you shouldn't be using anything black if you're like that. I don't think that it comes down to that. I think they hate the black. They hate black. They hate the color black. I would just think that if you were in that position, I'd have a white box.

Fair. Or purple. I'd probably go purple based on my own small black. Depending on what month. DC started dating his 22-year-old secretary, bringing her on work trips to Ohio, where he was establishing new offices for the Klan. He gave her a diamond ring and promised a marier.

Oh, boy. Well, let me tell you something, sweetie. Don't get caught up in all this. Soon after, a deputy sheriff in Columbus, Ohio, was on patrol. Oh, boy. When he noticed a Cadillac parked in an isolated area on the outskirts of town. This has trouble written all over it.

The lights were off. Oh, God. The deputy approached the car and discovered the Grand Dragon with his pants on button. All right. What are you doing there with your pants on button? Said the deputy. DC grabbed the left hand of his secretary

and pulled it toward the window. My God. Would you insult this girl? Did you see that ring, that diamond ring? I'm going to marry this girl. We are engaged. He then said that he was an official, and he couldn't afford to have all this notoriety

and publicity that did not fly with the deputy. DC pleaded guilty to parking, citation, and indecent exposure. But is that, I mean, if you're the candidate who, is this going to be inconsistent with, is anyone going to give a fuck? Remember, they're all about morality and all that shit. But he was going to marry her.

He just could have handled that way better. So he got publicity from it, and then other women started coming forward. A woman told police that after. The Cosby effect. After, yeah, yeah. Kokomo Klonovation. DC attempted to have sex with her in his car,

and that he is, quote, a beast when he is drunk. In January 1924, Joseph Cleary was working security for the Dushler Hotel in Columbus. I'm sorry. I'll go to Dushler. OK. There was a report. I've got a room at the Dushler.

I'll be wearing my Ed Hardy. I have a room two nights at the Dushler. There's a great oxygen bar at the Dushler. There was a report of a disturbance in DC's room. When Cleary entered, he found a shattered mirror, smashed chairs, empty bottles of liquor on the floor. DC had called for a manicurist to come to his room. That's an interesting need at that moment.

Yeah, let's stop it right there. In 1924, a guy is like, I need a manicurist up here. All right. Well, I've had this drunken rage has been fun, but I need to get my nails done. Does she do anything with bowls? Yes, I called you up here to paint my bowls. She later said, quote, there were three full courts of whiskey.

And when I told him I didn't want any, he came over and grabbed me. He said that he would give me $100 if I would allow him to have intercourse with me. I told him I was not in the habit of being insulted by anyone like that. And he said, you will or I'll kill you. Interesting. He was struggling in the suit and she got away and ran

into two of his associates in the hall. They tried to console her. OK. Don't pay any attention to him. One of them said, he's a good fellow. He is drunk. He's all right when he's sober. You go downstairs and don't bother about it.

Yep. It's great. Great consoling. Well, I was worried that the consoling was going to be like, get back in there. Come on, take one for the team. That felt like clan consoling to me. At the same time, Captain Horvath was attacking women.

It was falling apart with the Imperial Wizard. A rift was growing because the Grand Dragon thought the clan should be run differently. Was this Harry Potter? The Imperial Wizard, Evans, wanted a racist fraternal organization. DC wanted it to be a political group. Good.

Can't always get what you want. I think the Republicans are having the same fight with Donald Trump right now. I mean, seriously, they're like, the guy who's the most popular is the craziest. The fuck are we going to do? Mexicans are horrible. Can we talk about politics?

OK. You know things aren't good when you're like, hey, Donald, stick to the birth certificate shit. Seemed to have better traction. So Evans decided to go after DC with the clan's own weapons. Because the clan preached virtue, besides hating blacks and Catholics and Jews and all that stuff, they preached virtue.

Sure they did. Evans knew he could use that to hurt immigrant, to hurt DC. He put out the word that DC Stevenson was a hypocrite. He let everyone in the clan know the Grand Dragon was a secret womanizer and a drunk. The Evansville Clavern decided to try DC in secret for his immoralities that took place in different cities and quote, on trains and boats.

He was even randy on boats, huh? Couldn't keep it in his robe on a boat. So you are accused of being a boat fucker. Well, I had a train fucker. Sorry, what the hell is this? Well, you guys never fucked on a boat. Come on, everybody. I was on a boat.

Oh, I get it. I own a boat. So you guys are like, OK, I get it. Oh, you just pissed that I'm boat fucking. All right, I get it. He was found guilty, and he was banished from the clan in April 1924. OK.

Now what bullshit is he going to peddle? DC portrayed this to his followers as a plot by Evans and the Southern Clan, showing his great skills in making a point he wrote a friend. Quote, the president national head is an ignorant, uneducated, uncouth individual who picks his nose at the table and eats peas with a knife. He has neither courage nor culture.

There's no right way to eat peas. I agree. Peas are a hard thing to eat. A spoon, maybe? Spoon, but yeah. I mean, it's OK. It all looks stupid. Well, they're very greased.

Greased? Yeah, they're not easy. It's not like they're sticking to shit. Are you talking about the fact that they're round? What did I say, greased? You said greased. I meant round. No, I didn't.

What if? Anyway, let the man eat the peas with the knife. Let him walk the plank with the peas. Maybe that's how he eats his veggies. It could be. He takes broccoli and makes it a plane. It could be. He's just getting those greens in.

DC was not going down without a fight. By May 1924, he got himself the title of Grand Dragon again by setting up his own state chapter of the Klan. Well, that's how you do it. Yeah, yeah, just Jerry Riggit. A racist schism. Yeah, yeah, totally. His chapter was independent of the national organization.

It's an indie Klan. So hot right now. Indie Klan. So hot right now. They signed on a lower label. I love their early stuff. They're on Sub Pop. They are.

Sub Pop. DC thought great things were ahead for his new organization. And he said so in a speech. Quote, we are going to clux Indiana as she has never been cluxed before. And the fiery cross is going to burn at every crossroads in Indiana as long as there is a white man left in the state. Boy.

Very confident. I would say, clux the shit out of it. Yeah, I would have just taken my foot off the clux pedal in general. That just sounds kind of goofy. Clux sounds like what President Chicken would be doing. We're going to clux more than anyone's ever clux before. His popularity did not wane.

His wealth grew. He had never left his job and was now president of the Central States Coal Company. In 1924, by the age of 33, he was a multi-millionaire. And when I say he was loaded, I mean, loaded. He had a staff of several bodyguards, a small fleet of cars, a personal train. Well, that's because he wasn't allowed to publicly fuck

on the other ones. Had to get his own. And a 98-foot yacht on Lake Erie where he would entertain senators, judges, governors, and state legislatures. Legislators, yeah. So he's got fuck you, money. Yeah.

DC had a large Southern style mansion which he remodeled to look like the Klan's imperial palace in Atlanta. Interesting. There he hosted politicians, social dignitaries, at parties. The parties ranged from black tie events. What tie?

Excuse me? Again, I'm serious. If I just, it's not a good look. Go purple. Black tie events to Roman orgies. I'm sorry? At the orgies. Oh, thank god, because I was just

filled with questions. I'm glad we're going right to the orgies. DC dressed as a satyr. OK. An ancient Greek part man, part horse, who rolled with Dionysus, the god of wine and fertility. Wearing a horse tail. So he had a horse cock.

Horse-like ears. And sometimes a horse-like phallus. DC would lash naked women with a whip as they pranced around the room. Listen, this guy's just fucked too much. Like, it's taking some extraordinary shit to get that dick hard now. He's over-fucked.

He's almost like a doctor's suit. Like, he's fucked out of train, he's fucked out of boat, he's fucked out of plane, he's fucked near a moat. He's fucked all the women he came here to fuck. He fucked them all, and he ran out of luck. Now his backers began to encourage him to run for president in 1928. Of course, once Roman orgies are hidden,

get in the White House. Get on it. Seriously. They thought he was unbeatable, even though he had a few incidents with women on the record. He was dressing up like a centaur. DC didn't think it was a bad idea and was still super into himself.

He continued to say, I am the Lord, Indiana, while he kept himself out of jail with bribes and payoffs. Relatable. Madge Oberholzer was born November 10, 1896, to German-American parents in Indianapolis. Who were horrible at naming children. Just around the corner from DC's mansion. Madge is quiet and shy and with the voice of a young girl.

She worked at the Young People's Reading Circle, where she taught black and white children to read and write. She was still living with her parents in 1925. I'm nervous for her. She was introduced to DC at the governor's inauguration in 1925. They saw each other over the next couple of months at events and a couple of dinners.

Then DC hired Madge to help him write a book on nutrition that he wanted the new legislature to make required reading in Indiana public schools. Basically another way to shake money out of the system. Sure enough, he did exactly that. The legislature ordered public school to teach a course in diet and nutrition, and only one text meant the requirements.

That's interesting. Which one was it? It happened to be his. Oh, get out of here. DC started dating Madge. She said he was always a perfect gentleman. Then one night in March, DC's secretary said he needed to see Madge right away.

She went to his house, and for the first time, she met drunk DC Stevenson. She met Hyde. The next morning, her parents were calling around in a panic because she hadn't come home. She didn't come home for two days. While they were at their lawyer's office, a car pulled up outside their home.

They had a boarder living with them, and he watched as a very large man carried Marge upstairs. He said she had been in a car accident. She had taken mercury tablets 24 hours before, it turns out. The doctor came and had her stomach pumped, but it was too late for it to have any effect. Oh, dear. All that a doctor said they could do was wait.

It would be clear she would not survive. A lawyer took her statement, and she died four weeks later. What was her statement? The Marion County prosecutor prepared a warrant for DC's arrest on kidnapping and assault charges. Kidnapping and murder, too, right? What kind of prosecutor starts with the small charge? Well, she did take pills.

She did take mercury. But so willingly, she took mercury? We'll get there. OK. That is arraignment. DC was asked for a comment. I refuse to discuss such trivial matters. Yeah, that's right.

Ted Canadium. Oh, my god. Yeah. Chappaquetta, this bitch. Pressed more heeled. Nothing to it. I'll never be indicted. He believed he was untouchable because of Olive's connections.

He sounds relatable still. Yeah. Like, he gets it. Yeah, he sounds, yeah. Yeah. But he was now disliked by many people. People who opposed the Klan hated him. His arrogance, greed, and power within the Klan

had lost him many friends there. And now Klan's men were told they would be banished from the Klan if they communicated with DC. So it's like Scientology. OK, sure. Sure. The people of Indiana were turning against DC. Newspapers turned the story into a sensation.

By the time of Madge's funeral, the anger at DC had reached an all-time high. Judge James Collins, a friend of DC's, then did something DC did not expect. He ordered the case to go to trial and a murder at that. Oh, dear. Well, he's fucked. The autos, he stated, she may have survived

if DC had taken to her hospital in time. Yeah, OK. As his trial began, his ex-wife, Nettie, suddenly showed up and sued him for child support. Jesus, Nettie, not now, Nettie. That's all happening. Come on, Nettie. Well, is this a lifetime movie?

All right, here we go. Yeah, totally. DC said this is all part of the conspiracy. At trial. The conspiracy called reality. Yeah, right. At the trial of DC Stevenson, Eddie Shorty Klink and Earl Gentry, who were all

charged with kidnapping and murder of Madge Oberholzer. The trial opened on October 12th before Judge Will Sparks. Large crowds gathered to hear the trial. Quote, spectators jammed into every available floor space and a long windows opening off the court near the ceiling, reported the New York Times. During the trial, the Klan's image as upholders of the law and morality

was greatly weakened as it was proven that DC and many of his associates were private womanizers and alcoholics. It's amazing that it's what they did to women. That's the problem for the public. Right, yeah. After all that shit. All the shit is the women.

It's that they're kind of weird with women. And drinking. And drinking too much. The case came down to Madge's deathbed testimony. She said, DC and his two bodyguards forced her to drink three glasses of booze, one of which had a Mickey in it. DC then told her he loved her more than any woman

he'd ever known and forced her to get on his private train for a trip to Chicago where he sexually assaulted her. The law will get you, she said. I am the law in Indiana, he replied. They checked him in a hotel and Madge talked DC into letting her go to a drugstore to buy some makeup. But instead of makeup, she bought a box of biochloride mercury.

Now, that was used at the time for abortions. And she took six tablets, saying she was clearly ill. But she also, after that, she wanted to kill herself. Right, OK. She was clearly ill, and DC's response was to ask her to marry him. Interesting. He's a psychopath.

He's definitely got strange tactics at weird moments. And then instead of taking her to a hospital, he waited 24 hours and had her bodyguards take her home. In his closing argument, the prosecutor called DC a hideous monster and a serpent. I'm a dragon, asshole. Some respect. Serpents are beneath me.

I'm a fire-breathing dragon boy. There is no grand serpent, sir. Good lord. You sound crazy. Right, everyone? He sounds like just me. I'm not the only guy. Come on.

It's crazy. It's a purple robe. Come on. Anyone want to get on a train? Come on. I'm like Richie Rich. Anyone want to get on my train? Train, man.

When all evidence was presented, Judd Sparks told the jury it was possible for one person to commit murder by driving another person to suicide. DC Stevenson was found guilty of murder in the second degree. The New York Times. Imprisonment for 20 years in the state prison is a price which the jury determined today. DC Stevenson, oh, she was given life.

The former grand dragon in the Indiana Ku Klux Klan was paced for causing the death of Marge Oberholzer. A panel composed of 10 farmers, one businessman, and a truck driver reached a verdict of guilt in less than six hours. Earl Klank and Earl Gentry, the bodyguards of Stevenson, were acquitted, even though they were all part of it. Yeah, they really didn't guard a body.

Nope. Stevenson took the verdict without flinching. A short laugh and a shake of the head were his only apparent reactions. Fucking prick. Surrender, he said, as he lay on his bunk a few minutes later in the cell, I'm just beginning to fight. The last chapter has not been written.

Feel as like it has. So he's given life in prison. He was expected to be pardoned by his friend, Governor Ed Jackson, whom he had gotten elected. But he was livid when the governor did not pardon him. So it was time for revenge. He had someone take all those sign pledges by politicians out of his black box and gave them to the press.

It was a huge amount of evidence of mass corruption, documenting payoffs and bribes. The mayor of Indianapolis was the first to fall found guilty of corruption. He was sentenced to 30 days in jail. DC testified over and over again against politicians he used to own. His testimony led to the arrest of hundreds of state

politicians for corruption. The scandal of the corruption charges and the trial of DC led to the rapid decline in the second wave of the Ku Klux Klan. They had lost the thing that led many men to them, men of virtue. By 1928, the Indiana Klan had collapsed with membership totaling 4,000 down from a high of a half a million.

Oh, gosh, 4,000. This is like a BG's fall. It's like that level. DC was not getting out of jail. He unsuccessfully appealed against his conviction several times, denying that he had ever been the leader of the Klan and that he had been framed. Dude, this guy, the balls.

It's insane. How could he keep his balls in that robe? I mean, these are enormous. He's fucking. Yeah. There's so much evidence that he was a leader of the Klan. I don't even live. I'm not a human.

I'm a golden retriever. 25 years later, he was granted parole as part of a Christmas Klamatsy move by the governor, with the condition that he take a job in Illinois and settle in the state. But he decided to go to Minnesota, where he was arrested and sent back to prison. That's like OJ.

Just fucking do what they say. It's totally like a chill. Why would you go to Minnesota? Listen, I've been to both. Very similar. Very similar. Very similar. Six years later, he was released by Governor George

Craig, who said, quote, I don't see why Stevenson won't be able to cope with life. He's mentally all right. Yeah, of course he's mentally all right. You can't see any indications of there's something wrong with him. Not one. There's not a red flag in this guy. DC moved to Seymour, Indiana, and got married again.

He hadn't seen enough of it? But it was not meant to be. That was a good joke. They separated in 1962 after DC was arrested for trying to force a 16-year-old girl into his car. He wanted to help her learn how to drive. The judge fined him $300, which he paid with money in his pocket. So just to sum up, he killed a woman after assaulting her.

And then he tried to pull a 16-year-old girl on his car, and he got off the $300 fine. Well, listen. He seems fine. He's going to listen. If 20 years in jail didn't do it, $300 probably will. He then moved to Tennessee, where he met a widowed teacher named Martha Murray Sutton.

She was 55. He was 74. They got married, although he had never officially divorced his previous wife. Who needs that? On June 28, 1966, he had a heart attack and died in his wife's arms. I knew nothing of his background, she said,

except that I loved him very much and we were married. He was a very wonderful person. Wow. DC Stevenson is credited with the famous quote, everything is fine in politics as long as you don't get caught in bed with a live man or dead woman. Jesus Christ. That's a messed up line.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So men are horrible. Oh, god, what a piece of shit. Good lord. I feel like he had a fall from grace. Yeah, you think? Good lord.

What a fucking monster. Yeah, what a dragon. To be clear. You're like a grand dragon. Yeah. What a grand dragon. What a grand dragon. If only he just had 10-sided die,

none of this would have happened. You know what I mean? Rallies could have been gatherings. Or an invisible cloak. Yeah, totally. He was close. He was close. He was close to D&D, just a little off, little off chart.

Well, thanks for that uplifting tale, Dave. Yeah, yeah. Okie dokie. Pleasure. Yeah. Um, OK. Everybody feels bad. Mm-hmm.

Yep. That's a dollop. Alrighty. Thanks.