The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 98 - The Past Times with Matt Lieb

Episode Date: November 2, 2024

Dave Anthony picks a newspaper from a day in history and reads it to co-host Gareth Reynolds. This week they are joined by comedian and podcaster Matt Lieb Redbubble Merch

So I travel a lot. I mean a lot perhaps too much to some of you, but that's kind of my gig, right? So I'm out there. I'm living out of suitcases or suitcase sometimes if I bring the big boy and I want all the comforts of home That's why I stay at an Airbnb whenever possible recently I had some gigs in Fort Collins, Colorado And I was with my friends and we were shooting some stuff and before we got to the gigs We were like, let's just get an Airbnb and it is just a more comforting existence you have a kitchen you have a yard you know it's communal living it's just a less stressful place more enjoyable experience so when I go on tour you know like I'll be going on tour

in a couple months I always am like well could my place be an Airbnb you know just to have someone watching your place while you're gone and make a little bit of money. And the answer to that is yes, yes, it can be an Airbnb. It's really just as simple as listing your place and letting it earn a little extra cash while you're away. So imagine someone staying at your home in Los Angeles while you're out there exploring the world. Turn your home into an Airbnb.

Give it a shot. You might be surprised at how rewarding it can be. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.ca slash host. All right, everybody. Welcome to the pastimes podcast. Each week we go through an old newspaper from a random date in history picked out by Dave Anthony I'm Gareth Reynolds, and I've never seen it before and neither is our guest this week Matt Lee. Hello Matt Thank you for joining us. Hey so stoked to be here to talk about the news Well, what we like to do is look back on the the bad news

or the weird news of the past because There's not a lot of that going around now. Yeah, news is so boring now. You seem to be leaning into the boring news. Yeah. Your podcasts seem to be a little obsessed with it, I guess? Yeah, I mean, listen, the news is boring so you have to kind of make some stuff up.

So, you know, we do misinformation. It's a little Jew heavy. Okay, sorry. Very Jew. Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut. Matt, you're a Jew, right, Matt? Yes, I'm a Jew. Okay, so we're allowed to, okay, great. Um, Matt, you have two pockets.

What's your favorite one of the two? Oh, that's hard to pick. Listen, I love all my pods equally. I have two. One is called Bad Hezbollah, the world's most moral podcast, which is about Israeli propaganda. And that's a lot of fun. But I thought you were a Jew. Seems strange. Keep going.

Oh, to be clear, I'm doing Israeli propaganda. Oh, okay. Okay. It's about a land without people for a people, without land, that kind of stuff. It's a lot of fun. And then I do a podcast. It's a TV rewatch podcast called Pod Yourself a Gun. It used to be a Sopranos podcast and then it was the Wire podcast and now it is a Mad Men podcast. So we're going through all of the you know the greatest shows. Do you have it charted out where you're going to go after this? Do you have a plan? Yeah I mean we you know we have a we have 15-year plan. This is great.

Yeah, you know, this is- I don't think we're gonna be around for 15 years. Yeah, well, the plan is to eventually die. Okay. That's part, that's in the plan. That's on my- On the podcast? Hopefully. I mean, if we time it right.

Yeah. I think that might be what I do, just at the very end, just drink poison and do a show. Yeah, see how long you can possibly die. Yeah. And just be like, click that subscribe. Like comment, subscribe, comment, engage, engage. Good for engagement.

Five stars on Apple podcast. Hurry. Drowning in a room, drowning in a hospital room. drowning in a room, drowning in a hospital room. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, do you use the same recording area as your wife? Do you guys use the same? No.

It's the same background. Well, yeah, but we do different colors in the background. I do white in the background because I'm white and she does, you know, like whatever color because she's a person of color. Your wife is Francesca, who we've had on the's a person of color your wife is Francesca who we've had on the show a couple times and I'll be honest I did not know that you I did not notice that she wasn't white we hear our super

Completely yeah Jew when we see one You can look at it you go. Oh, that's a Jew But we found a way to What's yes now it's called that's a Jew All right, man, well, you know the deal on this show you said you're a huge fan you've listened every episode I love it. I love it. We're gonna go through a newspaper You said you're a huge fan. You've listened to every episode. Love it, I love it.

We're gonna go through a newspaper. We'd like to guess a little bit up top what year this could be from. I know Dave's excited to have you on, so I think he's probably planning something interesting. What about you? Are you excited to have me on? No, I don't really mind.

Again, not only do I not see color, I don't see guests. It's just, I just. I don't see anything. It's a voice. I'm blind. It's genderless. It's just like a void. I don't see anything. It's a voice. I'm blind. It's genderless, it's yeah, it's just like a void shouting over, my puns is how I see it. Uh, getting in the way of my weakness.

Um, so, uh, I think you should guess first. No, you guess first, Gareth. That's the way to do it. Well, we did do that, but then you started telling the guest what the year was and then the game sort of got ruined Mmm, so okay. So we need to have Matt has to guess first thing because you're well unless you agree to not tell Matt the year I won't I won't say anything but you're doing the like I won't where your voice got a little hot like

I will not say the year. I will not say the year. Yeah, but you're doing some lawyer shit. You're doing like that. I'm not doing any lawyer shit. We're gonna send everyone $2,000 checks. Here's the $1,400. You were promised you're doing one of those. Jesus Christ. That lawyer thing, that was a little bit

Jew-coded right there. You're doing anti-Semitism on this podcast, and I will call my friends at the ADL. Oh, no. All right, fine, I'll guess first, but I'm excited to see how you screw me out of this one. I'm gonna guess the year is 1967. Wow, that's interesting. So wait, I figured you guys would... Thank God your stupid camera doesn't work. Thank God your stupid camera can't focus.

If I had to pick a random number just out of a hat, maybe out of a hat that maybe has a piece of paper in it that someone may have drawn numbers on, I will say 1914. We're losing sponsors. Oh my God, you nailed it. He nailed it. We just lost. Oh my God. You nailed it. I did. I don't know, man. Lost Thy Master idiot. They just pulled their five ads, you dumb ass.

Jesus Christ. All right. 1914. Good guess, Matt. Way to go. Thank you. Oh, my God. It's 1914. January 11th. Nailed it. Nailed it. Absolutely nailed it. Next time Matt's on, we'll have him try to guess the month also. Yeah, he'll be going first. Because he's so good. The guests will for now on, it is solidified. The guest goes first.

I'm going to guess right now the month. Is it January? No, man. Yes! I'm so good at this! Is it the 11th? Well, he already said that. What? No, but... That's not a guess if you already know

That's how you got... Dave, what's wrong with this guy? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, say dad again? Dave, that's crazy that that is happening. Yes, son. It is the Sunday American. Atlanta, Georgia. See, I think with paper names you need to grow up having them. Otherwise you're like, pardon? The Sunday American? One day a week I'm an American. Wait, maybe this is a different,

maybe it's just called the, it's the Atlanta Georgian, but then up top, up top it says Sunday American, but so it must be like the Sunday paper. It might be the Sunday paper and they maybe call it that. Yeah, this is a Hearst paper.

Oh, good, good company. I like Hearst. Yeah, one of the greats. I went to his castle once and I said, you know what? He deserves he deserves all this money. Yeah, no, definitely. You want the person relating to the common man to have a castle that'll be torn after he dies.

Definitely how you want to do it. I like it. You know, it's a place you can go that looks like a hotel, but it's just like, no, it's mine. Yeah. It is crazy. Okay, first here, Spreckle says, I'm a model husband. Wow. Imagine being such a piece of shit, you have to go to the painting. Yeah, you have to, yeah. Hey, Hearst? William Randolph? So some rumors are coming out about me very soon.

And I just want my wife to know before everyone else that I am a model husband. We could run page eight or nine unless. Yeah, you put me in A2, I'm fine with A2. A2 it is. Barber, you'll see I'm great. I'll be in the American, the Sunday Americans. Hearst says it, you'll see I'm great. I'll be in the American, the Sunday Americans. The Sunday edition.

Hurst says it, Hurst says I'm great. Yes. And if Hurst says something like go to war with the Spanish, we do it. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha My bad, my bad. My bad. My bad. Through his attorney, Samuel Shortridge, Dr. John Spreckels, sorry, John D. Spreckels, Jr. Spreckels, it's like your last name is a dog name. It's a- Spreckels? Spreckels?

Wasn't it Saturday Night Live guys, Spreckels? Was that? Sprockets. Sprockets, whatever, all the same thing. John D. Spreckles Jr. filed here today an answer to the divorce application filed recently by his wife, Edith Marie Spreckles. And in 1914, getting a divorce,

like that the people are just like, oh gross, property values are about to go divorce. Yeah. Like that. The people are just like, Oh gross property values are about to go down. Yeah. Yep. A divorced woman's moving in. Does that mean I have to take off her collar? I believe I'm a NIMBY for women who are divorced. According to his answer, Spreckels was a model husband. I cannot keep hearing Spreckels

and not picture a dog marriage. I'm just picturing like a Cocker Spaniel in a tuxedo. I was a good boy. And now she's leaving me. Unbelievable. He was a bad boy. He denied that he ever inflicted either mental or bodily injuries upon Miss Spreckel's, that he never made remarks

calculating to wound that he was quarrelsome, that he stayed away from home at night or that he ever humiliated his wife in the presence of friends. I mean, but I feel like this newspaper goes against that last one a little bit. Yeah I agree. Yeah, I would never humiliate her. Hey the news The news please call my wife a liar We kept it in house and I was very sweet Lying want We kept it in house and I was very sweet. This lying wanta. Go read page one today, you whore.

We'll see who's right. That's the end of the article. It literally is just literally it's just this is what he says. That's a press release. That is so paper. That's just an ad. That is so paper. That's just an ad. It's Brett Stevens. Oh, yeah.

And like, cause everything he said in there is very funny cause the implication is that the divorce filing calls him an abusive, emotionally and physically abusive wife beater. him an abusive, emotionally and physically abusive wife-beater. But if that's not, if that divorce filing isn't public record yet, then you've just said, nah, I would never beat my wife. Everyone's like, why are you saying that? How pervove what? It really is how the media works a lot of times where they just strice and like he's strice and affecting himself. Yes, yes.

He's just doing it to himself. I think of Spreckels, I think of wife beating and a cute little puppy. Yeah, otherwise wouldn't have known that this dog was just sort of humping her every time she left the room. It's amazing. He's like forever in the public record as guy who said, no, no, ah, shut up bitch about his wife

He just carries her on page one With mouth or hand Hey this records guy seems to be on the up and up. I agree. He seems perfect. And I hear he's single now. Oh, oh, my. I can't.

I mean, oh, my. I can't wait to get a slice of that. When did the Titanic sink? I think it was 17. We here at the Dalib universe choose to believe that it didn't. Oh, OK. OK, fair. I'm just wondering if like this ends. Oh, 1912.

Ah, so that was two years ago. That's too bad. I was hoping one of them was on the Titanic. Oh, and it's him. I need to get away from her. Yeah, I got to get away from this bitch. Oh, shit. Extra extra. I'm not drowning. I mean, I would not drowning! Yeah, yeah. Once in a while you'll be a divorcee. I mean... I would never hit an iceberg! Wouldn't it be the most divorced guy ever thing if that's who actually took down the

Titanic? Oh, there had to be. We really should learn more about who was out there because there had to be a bachelor party who was like, hey guys, one last hurrah! One last ride. Oh, police hunt ghosts in vacant store room. Well, it's vacant and they clearly don't believe in ghosts. Oh, my God. Definitely just killed some people.

And there was a ghost. Yeah. No, nothing here. I'm going right through him. Is this from the same newspaper, the Sunday American? Oh, yeah. This is just the next story. Yeah. Policeman Malam and Palmer were sent from headquarters Saturday night to investigate the report from a woman that ghosts were visiting a vacant store room at number 907 Marietta

Street. What was she doing there? I don't know. Also, how do you know ghosts? How do you know it's ghosts if it's a vacant store room? Right. I mean, did you like, I was going in there to drink some Laudanum alone. All of a sudden I heard ghost voices. I was going in there to drink some Laudanum alone.

All of a sudden I heard ghost voices. I heard those voices again. Every time I go on a Laudanum break in this vacant store room, I hear ghosts! I hear things! Calling the cops. Saying it's ghosts up front is amazing. Man, we're on our way. the cops for that, too. Yeah. Yeah. What are they going to do?

I know. Yeah, honestly. Shoot the ghost. Shoot his dog. All right, cuff him. Oh, fuck. Shoot sprinkles. On entry, it was found entry. It was found had been secured through the rear entrance.

Okay, so someone did break in. Okay. The gas jets had been lighted. Sure. Stove, right? Yeah. Stove. I hope there's not a jet in there.

No. Yeah. And slight damage done, but the ghosts had disappeared before the arrival. I really took the bait on the ghost one. They're like, no question. It was a ghost. Guys, I think I saw this one. What's that? The gas was on. There's a gas leak.

Yeah. Everyone who goes in there is like, He definitely feels the presence of something. Something's here. Something's here for sure. I feel the hollowed spirits of the aquarium. Irish cops going to call a priest. There's something here. He's got unfinished business we need to help him complete to ascend. Can I have a cigarette real quick?

It can get spookier as you get closer to this part. All right, just do three deep inhales and you'll see Jesus. And see if you can get to three Hail Marys. This is wild. Uh, does that, is that how it ended? Yeah, that's it. Yeah, these are, this paper really is like the edging times. Everyone you're like little more be great.

Just, I love the, just the facts nature of it. Yeah. I, especially when the facts are ghosts, like, and for sure there was a ghost. Yeah. Yeah. There are guys that the cops couldn't get him, but he was cooking. there was a ghost. Yeah, yeah. The cops couldn't get him, but he was cooking. This is before they realized that you could do like continued on page. Yeah, it was before before they invented that. Yeah. Yeah. So they just try to pack it in.

Someone was like, I mean, it's just, it is incredible to be like, look, we need to get four on the front page and they need to fit on the front page and end on the front page. Yeah. That's how this works. Look, we need to get four on the front page and they need to fit on the front page and end on the front page. That's how this works. Sends back Dickens hair. Save seventy dollar duty. You're going to have to read that again. Sends back Dickens hair.

Is that in quotes hair hair? Uh, hair. Save $70 duty. Okay. Sends back Dickens. Someone mailed Dickens hair. This one is a riddle. It really is. Sends back Dickens hair. So they mailed Dickens hair so they wouldn't have to pay a tax when they brought it in? Oh, okay. Okay. So someone at customs came back to America with Charles Dickens hair. That's right. That's my bitch.

And they said, well, you're going to have to declare that and it's also going to be taxed. Anything to declare? Yeah. And he said, uh, uh, well, you know what? I'm not, I'm not paying this, you know, for the American war effort in Europe. And then he sent it back. Yeah. And then he mailed it. Is that, is that the story? Yeah. I don't need to read it now. Great. Next. I'm glad we figured that

out. That was pretty easy by the way. Yeah. The recent decision of the Treasury Department that a lock of hair clipped from the head of Charles Dickens, by the way, leave the man alone. Yeah. Right. Did not constitute in itself an antiquity resulted in its shipment back to England. Wow. Wait, so he didn't make the decision. So, yeah, no, had nothing to do with Dickens. It was somebody else had the hair. I gotta say. But is it is an antiquity not taxed? I don't know. Does it not have a duty tax? You're the lawyer. I am the lawyer. Charles Dickens looks like what I

would expect him to look like. Hairless? Yeah, I was gonna say hairless. Just just bad haircut. Just all look like. Hairless? Yeah, I was gonna say hairless. Just bad haircut, just all these clips, not bald? He's bald with crazy side hair and a goatee that looks like a horse's tail. I like it. I am turned on. Oh yeah, that's what he,

this is the first time I've ever seen this fool. Me too. I like that he's bald, but he's still like permed his sides. but he's still like, permed his sides. Yeah, he was like, the sides are cookin'. Yeah, yeah. Check out the cool lightning bolts on my Honda Civic. I may be bald, but I still like to fuck.

I'm still out in the streets, trying to get my swerve on. I don't know who's that. My name is Dick Inns after all. Go Dick Inns, then Dick out, then Dick Inns again. It's called fucking people. Stop it. As someone cuts a lock of his hair.

That was weird. What was that? Nothing. My name's Chuck and I like to fuck. The treasury held that although Dickens, if living, would be more than 100 years old, it was clearly evident that the lock of hair could not lay claim to any such age.

Oh, so they were saying, it must be, it must be, it must be not, doesn't get as much of a duty if it comes in, like it's duty free if it's over like a hundred years or something. That must be. It must be. It must be not doesn't get as much of a duty if it comes in like it's duty free. If it's over like a hundred years or something that must be. Oh, okay. That's insane over hair for them to be like, hold on. Okay. Yeah, here you go. And antiquity as viewed by the treasury officials must be at least a century old. The Dickens relic had been sold in London for $200. Okay. So now I'm realizing Charles Dickens is not alive at this point. Correct.

He's passed. Okay, okay. This makes a little more sense. And someone just has hair. And someone bought a little bit of Charles Dickens' hair, which to be honest, forget the tax part. Straight to jail, right? Yeah, and certainly for questioning, there certainly needs to be some questioning. Yes, right? Certainly for questioning there's

Questioning yes, you hold them for further. What's going on? Why? Do with it curly side parts or is it that weird dome? Yeah. Yeah, is it the horse? So maybe the horse yeah, is it goat hair? Yeah use it for your own hair. Just like one Guy right there. I just thought he was gonna sneak into customs real easy. Just like, I've got some biscotti and some Charles Dickens hair. Can't he just put it in his pocket? Yeah, that's a great, or put it in his fucking hair? In his own hair, yeah, he's got hair, just put it in your own hair.

I mean, honestly, just put it in your hair. I love the idea of going to a barber shop or a stylist, and it's like, hey, I hear you guys do extensions. I brought a little, this is gonna sound weird, but don't worry, it's tax free. Are you familiar with the Dickens rat tail a lot of the kids are doing? I'd like one of those, please.

Is that possible? And don't worry, I have the papers to- Oh, it's all about board. It's oh, yeah. Don't worry about it. All legit. Just get it. This is normal.

You guys get this all the time, right? I just need to get it through customs. Just look. Shoving Charles Dickens hair up his ass. You think they'll buy that it's a tail? Or taping it to his kid's head. Yeah. For a second.

Yeah. Huh? Oh, close for me. Shut the fuck up. Just a hair mule crossing borders. Putting the hair up your ass. You know, in retrospect, I might've just devalued this lot. Well, whatever.

It'll be behind glass. No one will smell it. A lot of this is coming out. Honey, do you have a comb? Oh, no. Oh, great. It fell down. Now I need Drano. Oh, no. No, we got to snake this. $200 in 1914 was $6,000. So this guy paid a lot of money for Dickens. Jesus Christ. So yeah, so the Dickens relic has been sold in London

for $200. So he was going to pay a $70 duty, and instead he sent it back. Damn. It's my duty to shove this in my booty. Boy. So he clearly said to back and then just had it brought back and didn't, and just kept it in his pocket.

It was like, no, that's, that's hair. Like, yeah, I learned my lesson. Yeah. Don't ever again. Yeah. His wife was probably like,, don't tell them. Yeah, his wife was probably like, just don't tell them. It's fine. We have some of Charles Dickens' hair. Oh, how much did I pay for it?

Six thousand today dollars. Coming back with you? For what reason, boy? What do you mean you want more money? What? This whole thing's been a real money pit. You know, this government. I'll tell you, when my dad was a man, he could take hair from anywhere and take it wherever

he wanted. Oh, what do you want the $72 for? More money for pre-Israel? I don't know. Pre-Israel? I don't know. What? For more Ghost Cops? Pre-Israel? Oh God, I wish they started collecting money for pre-Israel in 1914. It was a great show.

Look, we've got to have a big pile of it to give them one then get here. A great show as a time traveler going back in time trying to explain this future fund. Doesn't make sense now, but soon we will. It's going to make a lot of sense then. Yes. Well, it may not make sense now or then, but we need the money. Give us the money. Yeah. So I travel a lot. I mean, a lot, perhaps too much to some of you, but that's kind of my gig, right?

So I'm out there, I'm living out of suitcases, or suitcase sometimes if I bring the big boy, and I want all the comforts of home. That's why I stay at an Airbnb whenever possible. Recently I had some gigs in Fort Collins, Colorado, and I was with my friends and we were shooting some stuff, and before we got to the gigs we were like, let's get an Airbnb and it is just a more comforting existence you have a kitchen you have a yard you know it's communal living it's just a less stressful place more enjoyable experience so when I go on tour you know like I'll be going on tour in a couple months I always am like well could my place be an Airbnb you know just to have someone watching your place while you're gone and make a little bit of money and

The answer to that is yes. Yes. It can be an Airbnb It's really just as simple as listing your place and letting it earn a little extra cash while you're away So imagine someone's thing at your home in Los Angeles while you're out there exploring the world turn your home into an Airbnb Give it a shot You might be surprised at how rewarding it can be your home home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.ca slash host. Okay, here's a here's a headline. Big hog kills horse and attacks a mule. it. Oh, damn. Team. So I understand that that's probably a story about a farmyard animal. But also, Matt, don't do it. I mean, do it, but don't but do I am also thinking about what if

someone had a dick so big it killed a horse? You guys ever think about that? I you know, it's weird is I'm always thinking about. Yeah, me too. Like, like, because that's like revenge for Mr. Hands. Yeah. Most of what this show does is is trying to get some revenge on his behalf. Yeah, that was when equines declared war on the humans. First, they came for Mr. Hands and I said nothing. Currently getting fucked by knowing who he is and you're just reading this thing on someone's wall. Hey, who's Mr.

Hands? What is this all about? Yeah, isn't that I mean, that Mr. Hands video is almost like where were you when JFK got shot? Like the first time you saw that. The Mr. Hands video was where we were all like, all right, so can we not do internet? How do we like take it? Like how can we take it back?

Yeah, yeah. What is this? Is this whole How do we take it? Like, how can we take it back? Yeah. Yeah. What is this? Is this whole Internet thing like worth it? I don't think it's going in the right direction. Like it was supposed to be about information access, but this guy just this is horrible. Listen, this is it was fun back when I was, you know, pretending to be a 13 year old girl. Yeah.

You know, look, it was cool when I got a topless picture of Kelly Kapowski, but this man died from horse Come on now and that's and that's what he wanted and we called him mr. Hand It's all for those of you don't know hmm you're welcome you're lucky Don't look it up. Do not look it up Just live your life. Or just do images, I guess. Just don't do video.

It's the spiritual ancestor to Two Girls, One Cup. Yeah, man. A large hog. By the way, I started using Two Girls, One Cup instead of Two Birds, One Stone, and I hope that's okay with everybody. That's totally fine. Everybody gets it. Like a little. Everybody. Everybody. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. People will be like, Oh, well, we could just drive you there and then you'll, and then you can buy it. I'll be like, Oh, great. Yeah.

It's real two girls, one cup. That's great. That works. Right. I love the porno premise of just the convenience of them being able to share. Yeah. Oh yeah. Well, it's all about just kind of complaining and making life easy.

Yeah. Being able to share. Yeah. Oh yeah. Well, it's all about just kind of complaining and making life easy. A large hog belonging to J.S. Smith ran a muck here and caused great excitement by. Jumbo schlong Smith. Sometimes my hog runs a muck. Pardon me. Was there mud about? It's a real mudder. Whoa!

It's Tuesday! Oh, Christ. No, bad boy. Speckles? Speckles! I fucked speckles to death. Next is the horse. I'm Mr. Paws.

By attacking and killing a valuable horse and nearly putting to death a mule. The hog is two years old and is noted for its vicious temper. Wow. This must be a huge hog. Okay, Matt, now you're really laying it on thick. No, I mean, I'm just saying. You're not legitimately saying. I know what you're doing. How no, but how do you kill?

Like a whole horse when you're just a really fat dick We need a hug so big I Guess I would also I would be like in my head. I'm like, oh wow That's an all like I would think at this time there would be some monetary advantage to having a hog that kills a horse, but I don't, like, is there hog fight? Like, what do we do for me? Well, there's certainly a circus. Yeah, there's a circus.

Well, how does, how does a hog kill a horse? Like my guess is it first goes for the legs. Cause those are the like little, you know, you just ram through it. It falls to the ground and then you, you gore it with Oh, if you get a horse on its back, it's over. Yeah, they're super easy to kill. Then you could just kill them so fast. You could kill a horse so easy. Now, if you can get the horse down there, the horse is the horse has no ground game.

Yeah, guys. Yeah. You guys are way too knowledgeable about. No, no. I mean, I just think it's pretty obvious that if you can knock the horse cow too, if you can knock the horse or the cow down, killing them becomes 90% easier. Yeah, people don't know this about horses, but like their bellies are really soft.

That's where all the guts and the hearts are and stuff like. Yeah, and that's the stuff that you need to live. So that's what you aim for, especially when you are a hog. Yeah, so it's just a matter of getting the horse or the cow down, and then you really can attack the organs on that tummy, that zone. Or if you really want to do it in secret, you give it a hot shot. Yeah. That's when you just inject it with like too much fentanyl and you make it. Oh, yeah. Or you can pull a reverse

Mr. Hands. Go, Mr. Hoves. That's another way to kill it. Yeah. Or you get a gun. By the way, imagine the idea of like someone being like, I'm gonna I'm here to avenge the death of Mr. Hands. And you end up just banging a horse and you're like, that is weird. I thought I, I guess I'm not as big as I thought. I thought it would die, but now I'm in love. That would tell, but turns out I'm just like,

I have a real perversion. Yeah. Dave, you've been quiet. Yeah, you're right. Yeah, you really shut down. We'll be right back with this message from Snapple. Yeah, no, they dropped. No, fuck.

From Spreckel's. We lost. It's a twenty athletic greens. He's twenty four. Hey, by the way. All right. Let's do the blue apron ad. Wrong man is given Carnegie Hero Medal. Oh, I took it. I like that. It's amazing. He. Oh, I took it.

I like that. That's amazing. He took it. He took it. Yeah, he's like, well, I'm not actually a hero. If I gave it back, then I would be worthy of this medal. That's the attitude of a loser, which I'm not. Just look.

And then when they try to take it back, he's like, I'm a hero. Hands off. You can't do this to me. My legacy will be tarnished. You're just a guy. Was. Was just a guy. Was just a guy. Now I'm a freedom fighter.

An odd mistake has been disclosed by announcement of the Carnegie Medal Award in which it appears that a rescued man is the recipient of a bronze medal and a thousand dollars because he needs it instead of the rescuer. Okay, so just so I'm clear, the rescuer not only rescued this man, but then offered him the money and the medal. That's what it seems like, right? But then didn't just do that, said, I also want you to pretend to be me and go to the

medal ceremony. Yeah. And the guy was like, cool. I'm really glad I met you. Yeah. You've been so awesome to me Ever since you who got you did the Heimlich maneuver and got that steak out of my lung dude I can't like thank you, dude. You have really been so cool about all of this Man, if you did not come along, I swear to God that hog was going to fuck me to death.

You were so awesome. What you did. The way you fucked that hog to death. You didn't have to do that. I mean, literally did not. You had a knife. You had a knife. You could have just slit its throat, but you wanted

it to pay for trying to murder me. Yeah. It's the lesson you taught it through death. Yeah. And then you gave me the meat. And the lesson you taught it through death. Yeah. And then you gave me the meat. And then you gave me. I just don't, I don't get why you just kept screaming, this is for Mr. Hands. Just doesn't make sense.

Are you a time traveler? What's your deal? I love that. That would be. Going back in time to avenge Mr. Hands. Amazing if some guy invented a time machine and that's all he did with it. Yeah, it's like, forget Hitler.

I'm going to get that horse's mother. Yeah. The ripple of time. The internet becomes the most beautiful place ever. It never goes dark if we've never had Mr. Hands. The Lemon Party guys were just like, don't post it. Yeah, tough girls just like, you know what? No one needs this.

Yeah, we're not taking a picture. I'm going to use my own cup. Utopia achieve. That would be so great. And I can't even tell people that I went back and banged a horse to do this. Now we have space cars. to do this. Now we have space cars. OK, so the Carnegie Medal is a is a medallion that is awarded to civilians who risk death and serious injury

to an extraordinary degree, saving or attempting to save the lives of others. So that's that's what it's award. You get it for an attempt or an attempt. Yeah, I would You get it for an attempt? Or an attempt, yeah. I would think if it was an attempt, you didn't make it. He's really drowning. But I should be nominated. Yeah, yeah. I threw in one of those floaty devices.

He didn't get it. Yeah, that's kind of on him. That's a bit of his decision. Where's my medal and money? I'd sure like that medal and some money for this. Just keep applying. He started a surround of applause for yourself. You're the one who put attempted.

Carnegie, Carnegie, Carnegie. If you guys really want people who save people, just lose the word attempted. That's your language and I'm just using it. Okay. So they gave it to one of the guys who was saved. What do you guys think? It seems like I'm pretty, I mean, I went out there. I feel like you get the money either way, right?

What's the deal? You just get the, you get the money either way, right? Yeah. What's the deal? I just kept the, you get the money either way. Don't worry about it. Uh, to, to Roy Hubbard was awarded the recognition by the Carnegie hero commission. He was one of the unconscious men who John Lindquist, a former marathon runner and well known athlete rescued. Hmm. From, I gotta know how.

It doesn't say, it doesn't say how. The what is with the news back then? It's not, listen, time is running out. It was- There's not a lot of pages. It was- Wait, so- What's the guy's name, Dave?

John Lindquist? It's so funny that my last Google was Charles Dickens. Now it's John Lindquist. So John Lindquist was It's so funny that my last Google was Charles Dickens. Now it's John Lindquist. So John Lindquist was saved or no, he was the one doing the saving. He did the saving. He saved the guy's life. He saved his life and then he gave him the medal and the money.

And we know he's a famous marathon runner. Yeah. So we assume that he had to run a long distance to save this man. Oh my God. He's about 24 miles away. What are we going to do? Don't worry. I can get there in 6.3 hours. I know my exact time.

Just get the ribbon ready. I don't even want the ribbon. I don't want the metal. I just want the ribbon ready. What? He was showing Brooklyners. I don't even want the ribbon. I don't want the medal. I just want the ribbon. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, the problem is that Google is so shit now. You can't look anything up. What does AI say?

AI has always got an answer. Yeah, it does. It's always wrong. Just let me have the Robinhood app. Can't get Lindquist coin. Oh, Christ. By the way, I just sunk everything into Lindquist coin. Yeah. Don't worry. It'll bounce. You got to ride that wave. Yeah.

Unfortunately, none of my browsers have anything about this fella. No, me either. Well, history. But he's the guy who saved him? John Lindquist is the guy who saved Roy Hubbard. So maybe it's because he never got recognized, so he's not coming up in those. Oh, that's a good point, except for this one paper. Yeah, this one paper. Yeah this one.

But who's Roy Hubbard? Yeah. I'm looking up Roy Hubbard right now. Nobody cares about Roy Hubbard. Feel free to keep going Dave but we have a riddle to solve. Who was Roy Hubbard? He oh okay founded Roy Hubbard rental trucking Inc. in the 30s. That guy was awesome. I don't know if it's the same. I don't know if it's. I think for closure sake, it is. So he took that money and he put it into a great trucking business.

Yeah. Damn. That's kind of crazy. Here's one. This is one for Matt's area claims. Christ was born 1918 years ago, 1,000, born not 1918 years ago. One thousand nine, 18 years ago. Okay.

Now you're now he's He was born 18 years. It was like 18. Wait, they're saying 1918. So one thousand nine or 18 years ago and the year is 1914. So they're saying Christ was born before we have him down as being born. Oh, okay.

Right. That's why I mean the next they'll say that he wasn't even or we have him down as being born. Oh, shit. Right? That's what that's the. Next they'll say that he wasn't even born on December 25th. No. That's gonna really mess some stuff up for us. Yeah, they better not change that. Oh, Christ. We know his birthday.

Camille Flemerian, Flemerian? Sure. Flemerian. Not noted French astronomer and historian has roused a stirring discussion in the European church by his claim that the whole Christian era has been misdated, that Christ was born not 1,914 years ago, but 1,918 years ago, and that a four year mistake was made when in the sixth century, a Greek monk first worked out the Christian calendar. Fucking Greeks. By the way, here's me. Here's me at that revelation in church. Yeah. Okay. I know it doesn't mean anything. All right.

What does this do? Uh, well it, uh, okay. The, well nothing. It doesn't do anything. We've been doing Lent on the wrong day. Just love the idea of just like, okay, so we need to go back and change all the dates. It's going to really mess up the calendars. Yeah. It's going to be weird, but we're kind of going forward in time.

We have to. Yeah. Sorry. But the good thing about it being 1918 now is we missed World War I. So that's lucky. Good for us. So that's lucky. So that's pretty good.

Oh, okay. This is a man wins suit to evict his mother. Oh, I was hoping it would end up man when suit. And the cane! I saved a life! Free hat! Free hat? I really like shop, huh? I can't believe I was just given this!

Just going around town. Hey Richie, look at this! I'm a man, I want soup! Good for me, right? Must be my lucky day! The reporters... Wowee, this one's running away with the newspaper! What's it feel like? It's crazy!

Hey Ma! Ma! Look at this suit! No, no, I won it! I won it! It feels like it was against me. Fuck you, man. You don't like my suit. I'm going to move into my own place. I've got a good wrinkle for my story. When suit against mother. I was supposed to win that suit. I was nominated. After years of litigation, William McCann has obtained a court order giving him the right to eject his aged mother, Miss McCann, from the home she has occupied for years. What a prick.

Ever since he won that suit, he's been a real ass. Get out of here! You ain't doing nothing for the value of this house. You and your fucking ratty clothes. Just eating oysters in a stained suit. He's never taken off. Did I hear you bag? The litigation hinged on documents signed by Miss McCann

several years ago for a consideration of seven hundred dollars. And when she was in ignorance of the fact that one was a deed, she said, Okay, so she signed. So she got a loan or whatever. And she signed papers and didn't realize she was signing over the deed to her dickhead son. Right? Damn. And right here's another birthday card mom. here's another birthday card mom. This one's a little less regular. A little less hallmark, but still sign the bottom

and initial there please. Don't read it, you know it just says the same thing. Oh, I love you, you've been such a great mother, yada yada yada, sign, sign. Right there. And put the date at two, and remember we're four years off the original Christian calendar. Just pans out to him.

Now get the fuck out, Ma! Him wearing the suit. Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! What? Ha! Not you! Whoa!

He's got champagne. That suit changed you, Bobby! The suit is just covered in stains. Yes! Take that smelly thing off. You've hated and resented this suit the day that I won it. Just ketchup. One of the sleeves is torn.

Motor oil. He's just filthy. The hat has like flies on it. William, it's the devil have come to take payment for the suit that I gave you. Oh God, I knew I shouldn't have sold my soul for exactly one suit. Oh boy. I feared this day the downside to the perfect suit. It's not even really perfect, it was kind of a weird, you're quiet.

This suit's perfect. My only regret is not asking for one to wear when I wash it. Really stinky. Judge Wilbur issued the court order to McCann. He said that under the law, there was nothing else for him to do. Wow. Wow. What a dick.

Yeah. What a fucking dick. He's not nice to his mom. Wow. Wow. What a dick. Yeah. Tell me what a fucking dick. He's not nice to his mom. No. Right. I see. I get why that's in the paper. I do too. I feel like more him. Yeah. More people who are mean to their mothers should be called out on the paper. Yeah. I agree. Yep. I agree. See anyone listening we're allies. That's right. Yes, we love our mothers. Not to brag, but we support at least one woman. And let's, while we're doing, yeah,

and while we're doing the big, let's be honest, we were all at the ditty parties. Well, you know, it was, you bet with us in the 90s. We were servers! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, all catering. Catering, purely catering based. Serving dick. Yeah, serving hog yeah, yeah all catering catering. I was purely catering face serving dick. Yeah serving hogs No one knows fate of Lopez hidden in mine

I do Yeah, I could get not good. I Fled camp November 27th unseen since he killed two deputies. Oh shit. Oh shit. The story Gets even deeper. He's a ghost Yeah, so Lopez Isn't just I thought this was a mining accident. Yeah Turns out he just had the worst escape plan I know this abandoned mine. All right, now for part B, jumping in this hole.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got a great plan. I'm gonna live out in these catacombs until the heat dies down. Where's a great place where there's no out. You know, someplace they'll never want to go where I'm going. Wait, didn't think about that too much. Oh God. They'll never find me in this underground maze.

And I'll never find me either. Now I'm a crime mole. Just checkmate everyone, including me. Slowly going crazy and starving to death. And I got away with it too. He's talking to a dead bat. Just eating worms.

Drinking dirty cave water. That's pretty much the story of how I got here. Rock that I put my poop on to make a face. Uh, still on this is in Utah, still unanswered tonight. Still unanswered tonight was the question as to the fate of Ralph Lopez, slayer of six men for whom search was resumed today. In the regs. That's just the two deputies like, and men. Yeah. And then, yeah, two godsuties like, and men. Yeah.

Two gods and four men were killed. In the Utah apex mine, before the portals were sealed on December 14th, miners lunch buckets filled with poison food were left where the desperado might find them. They were recovered today, untouched. He's like, I'm not a fucking idiot. Wait, wait,

where they, I'm sorry, where they trying to poison him? Yeah, they're trying to. We'll lure them out with some poison grub. Ha ha ha ha ha. Give him put more corned beef sandwiches down there. At some point, he'll eat one. Ha ha ha ha.

Are they calling him a desperado because his last name's Lopez, too? Yes, they are, yes. Oh my god, they are. They're just being a little racist. Yeah. Yeah. So what's the plan? Eventually, he's going to eat one of these lunch

pails with poison sandwiches. I have a question. Yeah, go ahead. Is he a mouse? Yeah, he could be. I'm not sure. I feel like a mouse could live a lot longer in an abandoned mine.

Yeah. This decision for a mouse would be on brand. For a human, it was not well thought out. Yeah. Mice got other homies down there. Do you? I just feel like he'll be suspicious if we keep putting steaks and mashed potatoes and what's that,

broccolini down there? Yeah, they got broccolini back then. Of course. Defensive broccoli. The hearst of broccolis. Wait, but also, what, do they need to do poisoned food? Couldn't they just wait near the bucket? What's the rush?

This guy's not going to make it. If he's where you think he is getting ready to eat poison food, starvation will get him soon enough. I think it sounds like they they would lower lunch buckets down to miners, which is great because you don't need a break. Just eat on the job. And and so there was like an area where they would lower it down. And then and then they thought, well, we'll just lower it down to him.

Yeah. So I don't think it's a place where they could wait and wait for him to grab the bucket like it's down. I would just I would I would merely just jump down from where the bucket is and grab them as soon as they lower me down. Yeah. Yeah. I'll put me in one of those buckets. Yeah. I'll take care of Lopez. Wow. Look at the size of this lunch pail. Yeah. Surprise.

You're under arrest. And he's just got a sandwich. Why don't you eat this? Eat this apple. You should have given me a gun. This is so stupid. Yeah, we didn't think this through. This poison's gonna take a while. He's still gonna choke me to death.

He has a cheesesteak and he said no. The whole thing was really, he ran. Yeah. He's full from all that knife. He should have given me a knife. He's taking a lot of bath. Keep talking, I gotta run dogs. He ran. Yeah. He's full from all that knife. We gotta. He's a big a lot of bat.

Keep talking, I gotta grab dogs. Did it say how he killed those six gentlemen? I think we're gonna get to it. Oh, okay. Where are you going? You're leaving? I'm gonna grab the dogs because there's a gardener here

and he's going crazy in the neighbor's yard. In the Andy Incline where Lopez killed two deaf. We do this every show, by the way, Matt, it's a Chewie commercial. Yeah. OK. In the end, the other way, Chewie gave gave people who were stranded or couldn't get out in North Carolina. Free pet food. I'll be honest. It's nice.

They're not a sponsor of ours. Matt, we are actually going in the branded portion. I love Chewie. Yeah, I do be honest. That's nice. They're not a sponsor of ours, Matt. We are actually going in the branded portion. I love Chewy. Yeah, I do, too. I'm a fan. Hold on. All right. See you later, Dave. All right, Matt. So as you know, this is pretty much Dave drives the show. So yeah, when he's gone, you're like, what do I do?

It's like when Garth had to host Wayne's World. It's just not at the camera. It's also got a little bit. He just brought three dogs in. That is why a lot of is a lot of dogs. I'm I'm like a pied piper, but with dogs. Yeah. In other words, I I lured them in and killed them. Mm hmm.

OK, so he kills the two deputies on November 29th, two days after he took refuge in the mine. The how did he kill them two days after? The posse found a sort of breastworks built of stone in earth. Do you know what a breastworks is, boys? I'm let you guess. Rock. Yeah, I've seen it. Snap from the back, sometimes from the front. I've actually touched some. Oh I touched a bunch. Yeah. Too many. Yeah. I can't remember all of them. Oh yeah. So yeah like you guys saying it's like a fortified area where you like using dirt or wood.

If you're lucky. I mean you fortify an area. If you're lucky it's fortify an area. You're lucky. Yeah, some are all natural. Yeah, some are not. I don't mean to be rude. Are yours fortified? They're great both ways. Yeah, either way, they're going in my mind. I'm happy. I'm eating them.

I mean, yummy. Yeah. By the way, every time I put a woman's breast in my mouth, I have said, LUNCH TIME! And put a napkin around my neck. And you're not married, right? No, I've been single for a while. Sticking into the bulkhead of the mini tunnel was found a steak, which looked as if it might have been used in

an attempt to pry open the barrier. Swear to God. I was picturing like meat. Yeah, me too. Oh, yes. That's what I was. Okay. All right.

Like, he was like, damn it. I wasn't until you said that very sentence. Yeah. I was like, are you just got a rib eye against rock? And he's like, damn it. Yeah. So I've been pretending to not understand words that are homophones.

This time I really didn't. It's the curse. That's the curse. The curse of my bit. Other than this, there was nothing to encourage the searchers. Although armed and ready for a second underground battle, the officers felt confident the gunman would be found dead unless he had escaped some weeks ago from the mine That he did escape is the belief of many. Oh, yeah, the guy got the fuck out. There's no way he's still in there

He wouldn't I mean would you just die in the mine? No, you you'd come out at some point Well, I mean it depends how many ins and outs points there are yeah I mean he knows the mines well, then it's a great move Yeah, if you work the mines, then this really did work out. It's probably it's points there are. Yeah. I mean, if he knows the minds well, then it's a great move. Yeah. If you work the minds, then this really did work out. It's the best, honestly. Yeah. Yeah.

It turns out we're dumb. He's smart. Yeah. It was the Tommy Lee Jones speech was happening and he was like, nah, actually I know how to get around these. You can just cut to him fixing a boat and say what to nail. Yeah. Andy Dufresne shows up and just like,

oh, it all worked out. Yeah. Oh, that's the best end of it. Oh, I love it. It would be great. In the tunnel full of shit, he's also shooting cops. Yeah. Yeah.

Not eating poison sandwiches. Ah. He's just. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah, fuck. Uh, divorced for virtues, too pokey for wife. Boy.

What does that mean? Too much sex? Boys? No. What? The gay white way, gay white way is in... I know this. Yeah, I've been to...

I went to Emerson College. I know I've been to. I went to college. I know the gay white way holds no fascination for Nevada hopping. Now, Nevada hopping is. I know what Nevada hopping is. I did stand up in Vegas. That's a guy's name. One more day, it'll hit hard.

No Nevada hopping is someone's name. It's the best name ever. Nevada hopping is a Nevada hopping is a guy's name. And Nevada hopping is too pokey with his wife? Yep, it's right. God, this is like written in a transatlantic accent. Crazy. He prefers to stay home after the day's work is done, comfortably placed beside the fireside. Miss Hopping preferred the theaters and social calls

and wanted her husband to join her. So Miss Hopping brought suit for divorce, setting forth the fact that Hopping preferred to stay home at night. It is said, this is the first time such a suit was filed here. Most suits alleging the fact that husbands would not stay at home at night, it is said, this is the first time such a suit was filed here. Most suits alleging the fact that husbands would not stay at home at night.

Yeah. Judge Warner granted the divorce to Miss Hopping. I love this. I only married him because his last name was Hopping. I thought we got to hop around from club to club. Turns out he's more of a homebody. Nevada staying more like it. This is 100% how if I was married the divorce would be like,

this guy likes to chill far too much. Like just like a bottle of red wine deep like, I'm sorry I'm chilling so much. I just want to think. I'm sorry I'm chilling so much I just want to think I'm sorry yeah I'm sorry I like to think and not dance should I never married a watching Rick and Morty drunk sorry I chilled so hard wait so what's pokey mean then? I don't know. I guess it means. How's it spelled? P-O-K-E-Y.

I guess it means pokey means like not. Yeah, that's a fancy lunch. Fancy lunch. It's like you're a boring guy. That's crazy, because pokey does, like divorcing someone for being too pokey, I thought for sure meant what we all thought it meant yeah okay so there's so pokey with the E it's a term for prison like 25 years right yeah I've heard that and

then pokey can be used to describe someone or someone something or someone that moves slowly yeah I mean this all sounds it. Are you just divorcing someone for being like? Overwhelming yeah Just so chill yeah, maybe maybe he was depressed Yeah, yeah, maybe it's cuz you were going out every night meeting different men. Honestly, would you just relax for a goddamn minute? Yeah, you know, yeah, he should take out a press release. Yeah, he really should. I never beat my life! Get ready for page one! You would see me die on this hill. I'm sorry that I like to relax. Is that a crime? Yeah, is it a crime to read? Is it a big crime to just stare? I was at the window having a pine.

Yes. Yeah, it's not my fault we moved to a neighborhood with so many fascinating species of birds. You didn't want me to stare at the window. He's just in a rocking chair looking at grass blades in his hand. Romeo and Juliet's on tonight. Hold on. I have Romeo and Juliet right here. Just rocking.

Those birds are two different species, but they're in love. I left. He watches the birds kill themselves. Wow. Wow. It really was love. Life's crazy. That yellow-bellied blackbird never got the letter saying it was a fake suicide. I think the problem was that one bird liked to stay in the nest way more than the other. Now they're getting bird divorce. As he's just in a loony bin. Yeah.

Yeah. Those other birds, those other birds are always focused on flying, but they course I like birds. I named myself after one. You have to like birds. I'm a hoppin, you see. A Nevada hopper. They're taking his brain out. That's the other thing. Those birds, they're just, they have a life of their own.

If you think about it, they're putting some of his brain in a jar. Birds are the most fascinating species of all, Heather. Get more brain. He's playing with his brain. You are the best of birds. Best of birds, birds, birds. Tweet,, best bird, bird, bird. Tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet, bird. Jacking off with his macaroni lunch.

You're the baby bird. Finally, they take out enough brain. He's just like, oh, let's go dancing at the club. That's where we need him. That turns out. It's the Charleston. Oh, fuck. Let's do we need him. Turns out it's the Charleston. Oh, fuck. Let's do one last one. Yeah.

Mm hmm. Uh, wanders 36 hours in sewer mains. Wander. What a desperado. No, I'm just thinking. You know, What a desperado. I don't know, I'm just thinking. I'm waiting for my wife. The paper really framed my night walks negatively.

Why is there a journalist down here? I'm just doing stuff. I'm eating quiet. It's called a quiet jaunt. This is from Steubenville, Ohio. After wandering 36 hours in big sewer mains under the streets and the city. OK. Unable to make his cries for help heard. Oh, Steve Hobelow, his name is Hobelow. Hobelow?

Hobelow. Oh wow. Hobo, Hobo, lo. Hobo below. Hobo below. I hope they don't name homeless people after me. Ever since the story got out, everyone's been looking at Hobelows.

Yeah. That's not fair. Steve Hobelow, 23 years old, an employee at the Carnegie steel plant was rescued at noon today, insane. Oh my God. Insane? No, I think they're saying, no, it says insane at the end. I think he went crazy.

He was rescued insane. He was rescued insane. He was... We rescued him, but he's talking a lot about birds. We're afraid he'll never go out again. He made an owl out of feces and just kept going, who, who had it? And we had to really pull him away from that. I gotta find Lopez. We're supposed to go to the beach together and say what the hell.

Found insane. Like a doctor, like, unfortunately, he is bonkers. This guy's cuckoo for cuckoo. He was in the sewer a little too long. It is. So I'm sorry, but also he was lost. The story is a man lost in sewer for 36 hours and someone, someone's making the judgment, like what are you doing down here?

He walked in the sewer so long, he went cuckoo. I was just wandering around. The next thing you know 36 hours passed. I was lost, I was quite clear, I was very lost, I fell in there. This guy's just a space cadet now. No, I'm the victim! This guy's crazy. Lock him up! Hahahaha!

Catch him with a butterfly net? Hahahaha! Just got rescued. You're clearly crazy. No, you didn't, you psycho. Why were you down there? I fell and walking so long. I was lost. Oh, did you stop to smell the roses?

Yeah. Weirdo. Oh, did you? Quit jumping down on your lies. Did you not like being in the sewer for a day and a half, you crybaby? I loved it. Big deal. We don't even have labor laws.

Leaving work early. God. It's just death sentence for leaving work early. Yeah, I'd die. Okay, here's the explanation. It is believed Hobolo crawled into a sewer entrance at the river bank and was unable to find his way out. Passersby finally heard faint noises under a manhole

and pulled Hobolo out, nearly starved and raving. That's why it's a manhole. Wow. Help! Help me! He's raving. That's why it's a manhole. Wow. Help! Help me! He's raving mad. He keeps saying, help, I'm hungry. I'm hungry. I need water that isn't feces filled. I drank my own urine. I'm really damaged. I went spelunking. Where am I? I was just spelunking. Help! He's crazy. He keeps saying he thought he was going to die. He said he missed his family. Red flag much. Holy shit. No one's ever died wandering in a sewer.

That is so insane. This guy's crazy. This guy's crazy. This guy's lost the plot. If you ask me cut to 2024. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. is so insane. Holy fuck. This guy's crazy. This guy's crazy. This guy's lost the plot, if you ask me. Cut to 2024.

There's 30,000 people living in the sewers of Las Vegas. The American spirit. Or as we call them, the Nevada hoppers. Holy shit. Matt, that was genuinely a pleasure and fun. And thank you for doing the show. Truly fun, really fun podcast. I like this podcast.

Well, you guys, you guys have fun. You achieved greatly on it. You promote your podcast again. And where can people follow you? Because you make a lot of great content outside of your. A lot of great, a lot of great videos. Yeah. Your videos hit so hard. Oh, thank you.

Yeah, you can follow me on Instagram, at MattLiebJokes, or I'm on Twitter, at MattLieb, L-I-E-B. And then, yeah, the podcast, if you want to hear a couple of anti-Zionist Jews, me and Daniel Mate, we talk about Israeli propaganda and stuff and kind of make fun of the current state of the world, which has lost its mind. It's going to be fine. It's almost like they've been wandering in a sewer for 36 hours.

Going around, you spend 36 hours in a sewer and you get out and just like, oh, they could kill whoever they want. Yeah, it's fine. It's okay. But if you are less political, you can listen to our Mad Men rewatch podcast, which is also, we covered all of the wire, we covered all of sopranos, and we're starting Mad Men. New episodes are starting to come out next week. So again, re-watch Mad Men with us. Pod yourself a gun.

Well, Matt, a pleasure. Thank you so much for doing it and for guessing that you're right after Dave gave you the answer. Yeah, well, you know. I didn't say anything. I didn't. He didn't. He literally didn't say anything. Thank you. No? Can't say anything. I didn't you didn't you literally didn't say anything. Thank you No one listening knows that oh fucking a man that was so goddamn So I travel a lot, I mean a lot, perhaps too much to some of you, but that's kind of my

gig, right? So I'm out there, I'm living out of suitcases or suitcase sometimes if I bring the big boy, and I want all the comforts of home. That's why I stay at an Airbnb whenever possible. Recently I had some gigs in Fort Collins, Colorado, and I was with my friends and we were shooting some stuff and before we got to the gigs we were like let's just get an Airbnb and it is just a more comforting existence. You have a kitchen, you have a yard, you know it's communal living, it's just a less stressful place, more enjoyable experience. So when I go on

tour you know like I'll be going on tour in a couple months I I always am like, well could my place be an Airbnb? You know, just to have someone watching your place while you're gone and make a little bit of money. And the answer to that is yes, yes, it can be an Airbnb. It's really just as simple as listing your place and letting it earn a little extra cash while you're away. So imagine someone staying at your home in Los Angeles while you're out there exploring the world. Turn your home into an Airbnb. Give it a shot.

You might be surprised at how rewarding it can be. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.ca slash host. Hi, I'm Vanessa Bayer and this is my brother Jonah. We're two siblings who love to talk about our childhood and nostalgia and how it shaped us into the people we are today. And we're so excited because all new episodes of our Nostalgic Podcast, How Did We Get Weird, will be hitting your feeds again starting Monday, October 14th.

So get ready for more laughs, more incredible guests, and updates on our dad, aka the first Todd, including a recent run-in he had in our parents' condo community that Vanessa witnessed firsthand.