The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 99 - The Past Times wtih Dilruk Jayasinha

Episode Date: November 8, 2024

Dave Anthony picks a newspaper from a day in history and reads it to co-host Gareth Reynolds. This week they are joined by comedian Dilruk Jayasinha.  Redbubble Merch

The Dallup will be on tour in March 2026. We are going to be in Buffalo on March 22nd. Then on the 23rd, we'll be in Syracuse. Then on March 24th, we'll be in Boston at the Wilbur. Then on the 25th, we'll be in Bridgeport, and 26th the Gramer City Theater in New York. And then on the 27th, we'll be in Albany. And then on the 28th, we'll be in Pittsburgh. And then on the 29th, will be in Philadelphia.

And then on the 30th, we'll be in Washington, D.C., at the Lincoln Theater. Why would you name a theater after Lincoln? Anyway, that's our March 2026 tour. Go to dolloppodcast.com slash tour for tickets. Hi, everybody. Welcome to the pastimes podcast. Each week we go through an old newspaper

from a random date and history picked out by Dave Anthony. I'm Gareth Reynolds, and I've never seen it before, and neither is our guest this week. Dill Giacenha. Hi, Dill. Hello, Gareth.

I love your morning radio vibes. That's an energy that I'm like, I really love that. We love having you, Dill. Yes, great. Hey, Dill, what is your favorite chess piece? Would it be the Dill Rook? Man, I had to do some press for a TV show that's coming in the next week. Name drop.

Keep going. I don't mean to cut you off. But the amount of like that same 80s kind of like, you know, what do they call it, like breakfast animal, the, you know, the jungle. Morning Zoo. The morning zoo. The morning zoo. Breakfast animal.

We are breakfast animals. By the way, we are brought to you by breakfast animal. Breakfast animal right now doing two-for-one breakfast sandwiches. Come on down and get the pork-eggy. Pork-Aki breakfast sandwich. Morning zoo. That's a perfect nickname for me. You are the breakfast.

I've actually eaten breakfast with you and you are the breakfast animal. That's what we should call Nick Cody from now on, the breakfast animal. No, well, he doesn't deserve it because he doesn't like eggs, so I refuse to give Nick Cody any breakfast. We ate breakfast together in Thailand multiple times and the buffet, Dill can still crush a buffet. Well, I used to. Like, let's say that we did Thailand in 2018. Yeah, that's why I thought I was invincible. And then four years later had a heart attack.

So let's remember that ending. Hey, your first year's stand up. Did you call yourself the Dill rookie? No, but I went as Dill Space Rook because I thought that's a better last name than Jai Singer, which, by the way, you stuffed up as well. well, I'm not going to like hold it against you. How do you, this is my fourth time and I'm getting closer. You're getting closer, yeah.

I prefer. At least you got Dil right. Jaya singer, like someone's singing a song. Singer. I'm going to pull a Dave Anthony and say you're wrong. How about that? Dill, you are one of our favorite, truly, you remind me of one of my friends in America who I call Human Prozac, and you are very much the same.

Where can people go and watch your new hour and see your latest special and follow you? Well, I like the human prozac thing because my name of my special is called Bundle of Joy. So that ties in. Human Project. It's on Amazon Prime. And otherwise, you know, just Dilrug J on Instagram. That's where I put most of my bullshit on there. See, even you don't want to do your last name.

I ran out of characters on Instagram. Zuckerberg said it's too long. I agree with it. All right, Dill. Well, you know the, you know the, you know the Dill. I know the Dill. I reckon I was one of the first live guests, if not the first. I think you were the, the first live guest.

They were the first live guest. And you crushed. So that's why four years later we're having you back. I did, I did look through the catalog. And I was like, even though I was one of the first live guests, I don't think I made it to the main feed till episode 37 or something. You know, we need to prioritize Mark Marin and all this. So far ahead.

Yeah, well, Jesus is still. We're sorry. We liked Marin. I mean, God. It's called ratings. You know how this works, still. We're going to go through a newspaper. Dave has picked it out.

I like to guess the year of the paper, but since you're the guest, you're going to guess first what year this paper could be. This might be news since you were on. Yeah, so we've got a range of what, from 1900s to... Oh, buddy, earlier. Oh, no. We did a 1600 once, but...

Oh, God. Okay, so given it's me as your guest, I don't know if that influenced it, but I'm going to go, Dave, with 1939. A wonderful year for the whole world. That's a good guess. I'm going to go ahead and before I guess, Dill, will you tell people about when McDonald's opened in Sri Lanka quickly? Sure.

In 1998, Sri Lanka had the first ever McDonald's that came. We'd only seen it in movies and Simpsons and whatnot. And so when McDonald's came to Sri Lanka for the first time in 1998, August, I was, I skip school so I can be one of the first people in line. Okay. I was number eight in line and they gave away T-shirts for the first hundred customers, but I did not realize they were doing that because I was so busy eating my Big MacMell and McChicken. And then you ate it and then what happened?

I just went. I mean, Mom dropped me off. It's not like a skip school, like, you know, dodging. And so Mom picked me up again. I thought you got back in line. Oh, yeah. Sorry, you're right. I had the Big Mac meal. I had the Big Mac meal. Then I had more space. So then I went back for the McChicken. You're right.

And then later that night, I went with my family and had a McChicken meal and then a Big Mac to chase it. Was there a long line? Oh, it was like huge. I mean, the but Johnnels was like so iconic. And, you know, 98 is not that long ago. You know what I mean? When you think about it. And now it's everywhere, of course. But how was the, how was the diarrhea? Yeah. It was just, it was just regular for me at that point. You know what I mean? I can't remember the last time I had a solid shit, Dave.

All right, I'm going to guess 1898 to go 100. Based on the 998, okay, yeah. Man, is Gareth off. It is 1947. Hey, I was, oh, yeah, 45 was the one of the ones. It worked for eight years. That's the closest thing was ever done. Let's see.

I mean, 948 is when Sri Lanka got its independence from the colonizers. That's why I picked this paper. All right, okay. All right, Dill. We've had to, okay. You got British parents, don't you, Gareth? Oki-dokey.

And we're going to take a quick break. Still, keep it off air, asshole. Thanks for the train system and the teeth. Sri Lanka just got a new communist president. And I sent you a nice message, didn't I? Yeah, again, I wake up. Like, how are you across politics? everywhere in the world, Dave.

This is what, like, I can barely keep up with Australian politics. I can barely keep up the politics in my family. Like, there's family drama happening between cousins and stuff. And I'm like, I'm off. But you knew straight away the president of Sri Lanka. So, yeah, look, maybe that's what we need right now. Sri Lanka is circling the drain. I say, congratulations got a communist president,

Marxist president. He said something. And I said, I mean, you know, for a year or so until the CIA overthrows it and installs a fascist government. But, you know, you get a couple of years. and good times, but once you have a calmy leader, the clock starts. Well, I suppose I can ride off me going back to Sri Lanka for Christmas after this comes out.

That's true. That's definitely going to be, yeah. Research. Okay, this is the Boston Globe from Boston, Massachusetts on May 3rd, 1947. Can't wait to hear that Boston accent, Dill. Keep going. I was about to throw to you, because the only Boston accent words I, I was. I know aren't suitable,

aren't politically correct anymore. Oh, boy. Well, I'll go with one. You're fucking queer. Oh. In my defense, I just watched The Departed. I just have it.

The Departed. The departed. The only Boston words he knows he can't say. Yeah. But it was like, if I say it as a character, I'm allowed to. Yeah.

Yeah. It's kind of like that whole Robert Downey Jr. You know when he did Blackface in Tropic Tundt. If you're self-aware about what you're doing, then I think you get away with it and get an Oscar nomination. That's why I do. Okay. Churchill to star in Norwegian movie about atomic bomb.

Winston Churchill? Yep. Winston Churchill. Started a Norwegian movie? Uh-huh. About the atomic bomb? That's correct. While he was prime minister?

Yep. And not just even a cameo, a starring role. Like, he stopped billing. By the way, that writer is got to be the craziest rider of all time. He's got to be just like, and four pigs worth of bacon, nine million cigarettes, constantly refilled balls, and nine decanters of gin a day. Hang on, so did this movie happen? No, because this is where I get confused sometimes, where the article might say this is to come and did it actually even eventually. I bet. I mean, I don't know. We can look it up.

Winston Churchill is to star in a Norwegian war movie according to the conservative Oslo paper often posting. Britain's wartime leader will thus add another accomplishment to his already long list as statesman, soldier, reporter, author, painter, polo player, and after dinner speaker. out of the list. This guy can talk after dinner. By the way, from what we understand, he didn't stop. I don't think he did. That is an amazing credit to have, too. Isn't it come out that he was suffering through depression that entire time?

Yeah, in spite of his productivity. And now I'm like, well, that's why. Because look at the amount of shit that he was trying to block and, you know. He said some real racist shit. I mean, if you kill that many millions of people, wouldn't you be a little, press after a while. I mean, he's like, he's like Hitler-esque in the bodies. See, here we go again.

I'll clean up the mess. Okay. I felt like Homer Simpson, like, backing into a, into a push. By the way, I don't think he made this movie. Okay, well, it's called, he's 76 at the time. It's called Why the Germans did not get their atomic bomb. Oh, catchy title. Yeah, it's really short.

Rose of the time. That's normally the tag, but they're like, the tag would be the movie. Seams are now being shot in Norway, England, and France. The screenplay deals with the... He's like the Beatles? Yeah. The screenplay deals with the blasting of the Norwegian heavy water plant at Rikagen, uh, Rijikin on February 20th, 1943 by Norse commandos who were landed on the coast of Norway

to spike secret urine development of an at a time. bomb, which heavy water was essential. So I love the feature. They're like, did you know the atomic bomb is mostly water? Does he not have an IMDB page? I do. Churchill? I don't, yeah.

Churchill has consented to reenact in the new film, his transatlantic telephone conversation with the late President Roosevelt. Watchman. Oh, so he's of the operation. He's playing himself. And it's kind of like that baby reindeer situation, you know, putting himself back in the trauma. Yeah, yeah, but it's more like baby hippo. Yeah.

Did he get a BAFTA for it? I had a BAFTA. They would have to give him a BAFTA, I think. We've hafted a BAFTA. The picture is based on a novel by French writer Jean-Marine. Okay, so I wish he was in it. What's my motivation? I want to, he really wasn't in it, Gareth?

I don't think so unless, again, we've been noticing Google being impossible lately, but it certainly didn't seem. It certainly didn't seem like that's a bombshell for me. Google's not helping you guys out. It's terrible. It's like Twitter now where you're just like, what the fuck is going? Like you dig around,

you find stuff, but it just is a little more complicated than it used to you. Have you heard of, have you heard of e-s shittification? No, please. Okay, so you need to read the article. It's by Corey Dr. Is that his name?

Dr.o. He basically, it's basically him breaking down why all these internet things just turn to crap out. after a while. Yes. Is it the algorithm

kind of just starts feeding what you want to hear? They create a great thing and then they're like, okay, now we've got to make as much money as we can and then they destroy the great thing that they made.

Right, right, right. And it's a fascinating article. Much like the dollop. Much exactly like the dollop. We'll be right back. All right. You're still doing it. I'm still in my Boston persona.

Yeah, yeah. The Dillop. Oh, God. How dare you. Camera shy record. Camera shy record trout recought and sent to president. What the fuck? Camera shy.

Well, I'm going to say all trouts are camera shy. Yeah, there's no trout. Actually, look at me. Actually, the billy back. Can I get in on that? Like a photo bombing trout? Yeah. So they recat, they recod it?

Recod it. They probably did that because they missed the photo. op so they're going to re-catch it and then they're sending it to the president. Wow. And imagine you, if you're a trout that got caught and you're like, oh man, that was a close one. Yeah. Yeah. And then they just call you back.

No, no, no, no. We forgot the photo. But it's also your fault because you're like, oh my God, I just came back and there's another worm. Sounds like victim blaming to me, Dave. Hold on my, boys. It's classic, you know, fool me once. You know, shame on you. Yeah. Shame on me.

So it's the trout's fault. It's the trout's fault. Fiddle, 100%. It looks a lot like the last one too, boy. You idiot. Send it to the president. He needs to see this. Is that Idaho?

The world's record rainbow trout. The world's record rainbow trout? It must have been a, yeah. That's why they thought it twice. Which was hauled from Lake Penn, Oriel yesterday and slipped back into, today was retrieved this afternoon to be flown to President Truman. Oh, that is.

So they're sending the whole fish to Truman? Yes. Yeah. Dead? They must. I just thought it was a photo. They're not putting in like some weird. That would be great if they did.

A tank? Fish tank, yeah. They fill up, but they don't even use a tank. They just fill up the plane with water. I don't know how else to do this. Welcome to Spirit Airlines. Fire chief, CN, science. and caught the 36-pound cam loop the second time in 14 feet of water where it had fallen

while photographers were snapping the huge fish. So they just threw this trout in 14 feet of water. And the trout was like, shit. This is pretty shitty. And then he's right now. And then eventually the guy caught him again. Yeah. Yeah, because that's pretty hefty.

That's decent. Yeah. You can't take that on. That's not carry-on luggage. You're putting that in. No, you got to check that trout. You've got to check that trout. Check your trout.

Check the trout without question. It was Simon's first rainbow. Unlike Clinton C. Shepherd, opportunity of opportunity Washington, who battled the huge trout, 45 minutes yesterday before bringing it to gaps. So they're saying the second guy I caught it was super easy, but this other guy bought it for 45 minutes.

And then they were like, hey, buddy, we're going to throw that in a little pond. and then this fireman's going to catch it, and we're going to send it to the president. He was like, what's going on? They tied the shit out of it first. Yeah. For 45 minutes.

Oh, yeah, he's all shagged out. Yeah. I'm pretty sure that's the ending of Gladiator, you know, where the emperor takes on Gladiator after he's been pounded and poisoned. He's like, look, look, I can go toe to toe with this trout. I also like the idea because when your sentence started by saying, this was Simon's first rainbow,

and I like the idea of someone in 9. in 47, Boston going, wow, he's never seen a rainbow before. Taking the literal translation going, just look in the sky. There's rainbows everywhere. It's my first rainbow. I saw the most beautiful thing after the rainstorm today. Yeah. What did you see?

It was great. All the beautiful colors. Just up there, just one. All of them? Yeah. Wow. I hope it doesn't get co-opted into any movement as they're always. This is pure Boston.

We'll always embrace the rainbow here in Revere. Yeah, a fucking idiot. We're in Walliston. Where? Walliston. Okay. What? Nothing.

I don't think that's a place. It made me think about how well all the colors can work together as all of his friends like, dude, relax. They've got their own neighborhoods. all the colors next to each other living in total harmony no no we ain't doing that not the Chinese

get out of here blue all right you see the Irishman in him come out yeah you don't come into Southie blue and just walk around my buddy my I have So I have two friends, one who grew up in Hong Kong and the other who grew up in Boston. And my buddy who lived in Boston, he loved Boston more than his name is Billy.

Dave, you've met him. He loves Boston more than anywhere. And he wanted to beat the shit out of my friend who grew up in Hong Kong because he one day said, he goes, dude, I'm not kidding. Boston has the best Chinese food on earth. And my buddy goes, I ate Lomain on the great wall of China. And my friend was like, he humiliated me. He brought facts into our comedy. A Boston guy saying the best Chinese food in the world.

Boston is the most Boston thing ever. I know, I never been anywhere else. Well, he'd only, he lived in L.A. I mean, he's the best guy. He lived in L.A. at the time, but he was such a homer for Boston. I love that you keep saying he's the best guy when he wanted to bash a guy just for saying Chinese food was better on the fucking grade for all of China.

That's part of his charm. Listen, you need to spend more time around the Boston's. Right. Yeah, this is a... They're an interesting race of their own. Simon made his catch on his first try with special grappling tackle. He devised himself.

I didn't need that. He didn't need it. He got out of this hands. He just jumps in there with a hook and beats it. Shepard snared the record breaker on open. day of the season and turned it over to the Chamber of Commerce to be sent by Air Express to the president by way of Representative Abe Goff, a representative of Ohio. So it was a carry-on fish. He was he's carrying it on. It is such a dumb, weird time when you're like, get that

fish to the president. This morning, the fish slipped off gaff hooks while it was being photographed. The refishing was underway. Wait, what? So it fell in again? No, no, they just went back to it. They needed to fill some space in the paper because that didn't make any sense that they did that. Okay.

Okay, right. They just talked about the first time. The first one, right? Okay, okay. Because I was like, wait, this fish really doesn't want to be photographed. That fish is like, dude, I'm off worms. And then he was like, but that one. They're like, that is three in a day.

It's supposed to be like meth I can't believe this is on the front page Hen lays 171 eggs in six months to lead 554 in marathon I got my calculator out here, sorry, six months, 30 days roughly It's May, it's May 2nd so it's not even six months

It's May 2nd unless they're doing it not by I think the hand year starts in November November. No, it says the first six months. So it's got to be, well, whatever. I don't know if it's that impressive. So if it's six months, that's 180 days approximately. So 177 is like an egg a day.

Yeah, I could do that. I don't really know the clip. And by the way, not lost on me that you just said you could do that, Dave. I could do that. No, you couldn't. Yeah, I could. More poop. Oh, that's what I'm talking about.

Yeah. Oh, no, more poop. Do you call your poop eggs? I made my eggs. Honey, more eggs Dave. Weird, it's crumbled again. Dave, Dave.

Holy shit, I just took the biggest egg. He's sitting on the toilet, like, I got to keep him warm. I just love the idea of Dave clucking as his shitting. How fucking great would it be to turn your, like, to put, like, hay around your toilet and make it look like when you sat on it, you were, like, sitting on a nest. And you do it like you put a little thing on the side so you can put your legs behind you a little. Oh man. I would commission James Fosdike to draw that.

Dave Anthony has a chicken of the toilet, the hay toilet. A Rhode Island red hen with a modest cut, cut, catacut, attending strictly to the matter at hand was today leading the year-long state egg laying marathon at Monmouth with a score of 171 eggs for the first six months of the test under auspices of the State Department of Agriculture.

So it's an egg off. They're having an egg off. I really just don't, I don't think that can be a lot. Yeah, that's what I'm... It's crazy? I've never had a chicken cook myself. surely they do it nearly daily, don't they?

That's what I think. I thought they did it daily, but maybe they don't. And also, are eggs chicken periods? Well. Now you just need to stop talking. By the way, every time that's when the rooster's like, all right. No, most hands will lay an egg a day. Yeah, okay.

So do we have information on who was second? Maybe that will give us some perspective on how far ahead they were. The stout-hearted lady, by Clarence Rawlins is leading a field of 455 aspirants. So there's almost 500 chickens in this competition. It seems like it's maybe even difficult for one a day. So I guess it would be pretty average, but maybe at the time they were laying less.

Oh, my God. A southeastern mass relay team made up of Rhode Island Reds was leading in the Penn contest with 2031. eggs. So that's a relay. It's a bunch of chickens. What the fuck? I mean, we're very aware that this time was

boring, but this is crazy. It's so boring. But it's two years after World War II finished. You'd think there'd be more things to talk about in Boston. This front page. And also, what was the cuta, cuta, cut, cut, kit, cut thing that you started like. I think that's what

maybe kind of chicken it was, or? Okay. It's not the name. Dill, do not accept that. You're, okay. That was a kind of chicken. You've never heard of the cat, cat, cut a, cut, cut, cat, cat, cat, cat, cat, cat, cat. Imagine sitting around a coop watching an egg pop out of a hen and some Boston guy just be like,

this is what Hitler was trying to take away from us. Todd, no. Yeah, he was. Yeah, I can't find anything about this. So I don't know. I don't know. That's front page, though. Front page news.

Front page. From page. People are excited about what a chicken can crack out. I just want to put myself in the position of that editor who was like, what, we've got this. Why isn't this like someone, you know, the junior editors put it in the middle? He's like, no, no, no, no. Bring that shit right to the front. That is front page.

People love eggs. Yeah. Except for Nick Cody. The egg. Horse quits Suffolk for romp in Revere. Oh, Revere. It's top secret. An exigate looked...

I'm going to go bag some fillies. An exit gate looked like a starting gate to one of the horses at Suffolk Downs shortly after 4 o'clock yesterday afternoon. So the nag took off and ran a fast quarter mile through Revere.

Revere is actually where my friend Billy lives, just for the record. And so this horse just ran like it acted like it was going to race and then it just ran off the course from suffolk down it's known for killing many horses was it trying to warn the people about the britisha coming is that way it just went off or is just one knew where the best chinese food was yeah in boston dude this kicks ass uh well okay so red face track officials maintained a deep silence about how the horse uh got away and completed this unscheduled romp so they're not talking romp

They're not fucking, it is a rom. Why doesn't it sound like it went fucked about it? It's a romp. It's a romp. Isn't a romp just, maybe a robin's drinking and banging? It's a romp. What else could it be? Dude.

They wouldn't even identify the horse. Neither would the police. Even the Suffolk tout don't know. They'd like to get a bet down the next time that horse runs. So it was fast. It was around the entire fast. So it must have been a really expensive horse. Like it must have been an important horse or they wouldn't all be quiet about it, right?

Why is this like being swept under the rug? Why are they protecting the identity of this horse? To protect their own? Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. What is happening? All sorts of rumors about the surprise gallop are floating around in the city last night.

Even mayor Raymond Carey of Revere ordered an official investigation. We're not going to stop until we figure out why this horse took off from the course where it was romping and what it was after. Everyone had his own story, but track officials, police. and publicity men remain mysteriously unavailable. We're having sandwiches. Again? Anyway, here's what leaked out. The horse was taken out of its stall by a groom and attendance at 4 p.m.

I'm about to get married. About that time, the gate tender opened the track gates to let an auto out. And the horse, still carrying a saddle and bridle, lit out behind the car and off down Winthrop Avenue. This setup for these stables make no sense to me. It's not great. No.

And why is it alone? Next to a car. Shouldn't, uh, yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, it's not a good setup at all. Guys like, hold on careful. Don't park there. That's where the horse goes.

Oh, okay. There might be a horse after you when you leave, by the way. Yeah. I heard a rumor there's a romp happening. Is this where the rope is coming down? Officers, there's a horse romping behind me. Whoa, look at the size of horse condoms. That's huge.

Mr. Hands. Stop. Cars screeched to a stop and a half dozen traffic jams developed as the horse flashed along. Half dozen traffic jams is one traffic jam. Half a dozen traffic jams. That's one. That's half a dozen. And startled spectators say it was really,

traveling in high speed. A quarter mile and a few minutes from this, yeah, the horse. A quarter mile. They said the horse flashed like again. I just pictured. Hello. But I pictured it.

Here's my dong. Jesus. Oh my God. It's a sick fetish. No wonder he's romping with that kind of machinery. He's in the park. Excuse me.

Do you know how to get to Revere? I don't know. It doesn't matter. Take a look. Oh, that's my kick. Oh, that feels nice. Yeah. A quarter mile on a few minutes from the stable,

the mystery racer turned into Camel Avenue, spied a grassy field, and decided it was time to eat. I love getting yourself in the headspace of the horse's decision-making. Yep. Then the horse saw a big plot of land and thought I'll go over there and eat grass.

They didn't do this with the fish. Yeah, no, it's just like an action. It's action-based. reporting. Then the horse went and ate. But they're like, then the horse. Yeah, we did that. Yeah, we did that. And it's wrong. And it was wrong then, and it's wrong now. We shouldn't have done that.

Patrolman a Sutton, an ex- cow puncher. Hey. Wait, what? No, yeah, please stop. Did you say ex-go-go-cow or coward puncher? Cow-puncher. Oh, X, so he's quit. He's quit the habit. Yes, he stopped punching the cow. It was an unfair fight the whole time.

He came at me with a knife. Dave, cow puncher? Any, what is it? It's like a cowboy. Okay. Okay, but not a literal, yeah, there's no. No, there's not literally punching cows. Right.

I mean, maybe they did. I like how we, like, had a chance to refresh cow puncher, and instead we were like, half man, half cow hybrid works better. A cowboy. So Sutton and Luke Church hurried to the scene in a preacher. patrol car and found the speedy equine calmly grazing. Witnesses are pretty much agreed on the above facts, but from here on all is double talk.

They just shot it in the back and shouted quit resisting. What color was the horse? Yeah, I was going to say, it wasn't a white pony. What color was the horse? I didn't say. We know. Brunette testifies. Garcin executives visited May often.

This is D.C. An attractive brunette told a federal court jury today. That's her only description. You know, not a woman, not like, you know, no job description. No, just a brunette. And big-titted blonde will reveal secrets. There's a hot lady on the stand today. She's got black hair.

That's all like. The sketch artist is losing his shit. Draw a top on her, you fucking pervert. Your Honor, permission to question this piece of ass. No, you are the sonographer. You're just a juror. Permission to whack off in the jurors box. No, the bailiff's already doing that.

You need to wait for him to finish. One at a time, boys. That's so awful. crazy. They always put the description of a woman in the matter what was happening. You know how like it goes old black and white movies where like the detective would be like, she had legs that went all the way up to her bosoms and she had a bit of crease in her hair that made you want to turn the page, but keep reading at the same time.

That was like how papers described women. And then they would just be like, she's got a big bust, a big bottom. She's a brunette and her address is 4-4-1-Map. Because even in the last article, they described the cop, his form. my profession and everything. There was so much detail about him and ex-cowpuncher. About what he did, though. They weren't at no point where they're like huge penis.

That's what I mean. It's all about what they did. This is like, attractive woman's testifying. Yeah, yeah. That attractive Burnett told a federal court jury today that key figures in the Garson Munitions Combine made several behind closed doors visits a week to the office of former Representative Jay May,

Andrew May, when he was wartime chairman of the House Military Affairs Committee. Oh, I see, I get the context now. Because if it, you know, you needed to know that she was a good-looking woman, so she knows what she's talking about. Whereas if it was an ugly one, you go, hang on. Can't believe this. She wasn't some idiot ugly just rambling on. He wanted to bang this one.

Do you understand? So she's telling the truth. Let me tell you something. Hot chicks don't lie. I'm a judge. Hey, sweet hot, you don't even need to put your hand on that Bible. I know everything that comes out of you is truth. Shapely Billy May Higgins of Lexington.

She had a figure on her. With a bra, she wouldn't give me for $50. Of Kentucky testified for the government at May's trial on charges of accepting $53,000. from the Combine for helping it get war contracts. Dr. Henry and Murray Garrison, brothers who founded the $70 million business, and Joseph Freeman, their Washington contact man, are co-defendants. Ms. Higgins, a community clerk, testified that Murray-Garson and Freeman were among the persons who had visited May's office.

Asked how frequently the visit occurred, she said, it was several times a week. They were always together. Looking cool and completely at ease in a pink figured rayon street frock. She said she said,

it's so crazy. It's going to creepier. It's so crazy. She said under questioning that Garcin and Freeman usually contacted the former Democratic congressman by telephone before coming to the Capitol. She accidentally flashed her pink

panties at one point. Boy. So, I know you need to edit this piece down a bit, but I really think you should keep the partying about her panties. We're really like way over. Well, I'm just saying,

I think that was, I was in the court. And I think that was an important part that she had really a great pink panties on. What ended up, what was the case about at the end of the day? Do you even know? Because in here there's very little substance. I would say 33D.

of the case Is that her breast size? Yes Okay Is that not what we're talking about? No, I've been saying a bunch of other stuff So I don't think she's going to come back

Because they finished the whole trial thing Okay All right So Her thighs Like magical I wish that was the last sentence Of the article

Her ties D-da-d-d-d-magical And then the paper's over It's like, what the fuck happened? Did they just go on vacation? But like the next page is just handwritten It's like, I honestly can't, my wife's just I'm getting a divorce

Pushed into River, wife gets divorce Oh I'm hoping that's not the Boston version of a divorce Well, we're splitting up, so I drowned it. It's the guy who wrote the last article. Thankfully a trout saved her. Miss Elsie Copa Bianco of 1045 Beacon Street.

Full address, as you said, Gary. Who said that her husband pushed her into the Charles River after an argument was granted a divorce on the grounds of cruelty from David Capo Bianco of 152 Reservoir Street, Newton. So they don't live together. anymore. No. Well, she was like,

that was fucking crazy, dude. Yeah. Well, you pushed me in the water. Yeah. I was trying to cool you off because you was so hot. I was just trying to find out as she was a witch. And by the way, even though she floated and got out, I just don't think she might be. John C. Leggett was the judge.

The court also awarded Miss Capabianco custody of a son. I hope it gets into her physical description soon enough. And ordered her husband to pay $10 a week for the support of the child. Capo Bianco, who wept while on the witness stand, denied his wife's allegation,

and testified his wife ran into the river to drown herself, and he had to pull her out. All right, let's just go. Let's, whose side are we on? Let's just go. Well, this is, right, but just, I was thinking, imagine, imagine if it was, like, his part of it is true.

How fucking annoying for him to have to be, Like, I tried to save you. I fucking should have just left you drown. My God, you ran in there. Oh, man. I'm 100% that he pushed her in because nobody runs into the Charles River to kill themselves. You could jump off of a bridge maybe, but you don't just go running in. Just like, ha.

No, yeah. It's like not deep yet, not deep yet, not deep yet. Oh, now it's getting deeper. Now it's getting deep. Why are you skeptical, Dave? No, because now we're going to get comments on Twitter. You can run into the Charles! It's true.

We will get comments. You guys still on Twitter. Good for you. Oh, yeah. I deleted that like four years ago. It's deleted. He saw it. It's like mostly bots now.

It's like almost all bad. We were talking about this the other day. To get to substantive commenting, which was kind of what was great about Twitter, was to sort of see dissent or whatever country, whatever. You have to scroll so. far past morons who are affirming what the right wing psychopath said that you should not be seeing in your feed like you now need to navigate through Twitter like walking through a jungle at night versus through like the fact that a few years ago we were like man Twitter's a cesspool

it's like we had no idea we had it good yeah he had it good um he so the husband sought a divorce alleging his wife through household utensils at him during arguments. He totally pushed her in the water if he's looking for a divorce. He did it. Yeah, 100%. Your Honor, it was so tough watching her run into the Charles River and I had the saver. And what about those two huge handprints on her back? That was for me trying to forcibly yank her out of the river.

I love her. As so much and bring her back. I also hope that the divorce is granted because I do have feelings for the woman who testified prior She has huge knockers Legally speaking I like the bang her like your gavel Good fellow at bar

Poles Gunn Rob's Club Has Drink Walks Out That's a title Now that's how you suck people into the article Beautiful Like you've kind of, you've led with your hardest, you know, the whole plot line, but I want to know more. Do you know what I mean? Like that's excellent.

But also you might not need to even need to read it at this point because you know. Right. Okay. Police are looking for a suave gunman who nonchalantly forced the bartender. Get a beautiful dick. Yeah. Right up. In a beautiful dick.

And the Lincoln Club here to hand over $65 from a cash register early today and disappeared before others in the bar knew what had happened. Algrid Whitkeness. Not a name. Go ahead. The bar, yeah, not a name. The barkeeper said the gunman, young and well-dressed, stood at the bar quite a while, drinking and chatting with those about him.

The man called for another drink, and as Whitkeness turned to pour it, he faced a revolver and heard the man say very quietly, give me what you've got in the cash register. The bartender obeyed, and the man swallowed his drink and casually sauntered out a side door. I hope he tipped his cap too. Yeah, or he tipped the bartender.

The tip that he's going to say. He's $2 back. Keep the five. That's great. I like the getting drunk first part, too, because you definitely open a tab. Keep it open. Yeah. Right.

Keep it going. Keep it going. Oh, God. As a dog. Oh, my God, there's more than one. Yeah. this is when people start walking their dogs in the neighborhood so he's freaking out because there's a dog

that he can't get near. You guys know how that is. Yeah, we've all been there. Well, based on the news here in Australia, it seems like you guys are eating your dogs, so, you know. We are. Sounds like Denise served.

Okay. First of all, we're not eating the dogs. The immigrants are. Immigrants are. Right. Who else? We're regular. We're just eating cows.

The same ones who are taking all the hurricanes. money. Yeah. It's hard to explain how all of America's problems have pretty much come down to people who weren't naturally born here. Shocking. I did, sorry to deviate, but yeah, I saw one thing yesterday about how

the Hannibal Lecter thing, he said he linked it back to immigrants saying they're going to have you for dinner. So now he's literally, yeah, you didn't see that, he's literally calling immigrants cannibals now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't wait to get in America. I mean, we have like 28 days

left. So we're really, who knows what it's going to be eventually like, they're eating themselves all over the street. An immigrant ate his own leg. Jesus. I'm so sad. I never came to America until like now is when I'm thinking about coming over there. I've never been dead. I think there was, yeah, sorry. How old were you when you came to Australia? 19. And did you eat people? You know what, Dill? It would be great to get you here to see. We just want you to come here to see. if you eat people. If you eat cats or you people. I think what soccer punched me was,

I thought it was like a genuine question. Jill, how old were you when you immigrated to Australia? What would be great is, would be to like invite Dill over here. And then like one of us just like put like a couple animals in a room and be like, I got to step out for half hour.

I'll be right back and like have a camera, have like a nanny cam set up. It's like the old marshmallow test. Yeah. If you can hold off, we'll put in a horse. But if you eat the cat first. Oh, God. Oh, that's scary.

But yet. It's shocking because the news is coming at such a bizarre rate at this point that you really can't keep up with it. Oh, yeah. But that's fascism. Like, that's classic fascism. Yeah. It's a big hand. Well, we have this huge hurricane about to hit Florida.

and it really is like the accusations are somewhere now comfortably for a section of the right that these are weather machines and it's being created. Yeah, it's been being manufactured. We're making hurricanes over here. Big ones.

The biggest hurricanes and nobody's got bigger hurricanes in us. And then the windmills are affecting the whales. Well, the windmills got cancer and they're giving the humpbacks bigger humps. They got big tumors. Here's when you know you're going to be okay because I'm not even making this up. Like a hour and a half ago on Instagram real,

I saw this guy talk about the hurricanes and he said, but it's okay because I got Jesus and God on my side. Dave said you that. And he starts rapping, freestyle rapping about his love for Jesus and how the hurricanes will get him closer to Jesus. Like, you're fine.

Boy will be okay. Boy will they. Is that the guy on the boat? No, no, he's just in a park. We've got a couple of them. Who's the guy on the boat? is fake. So there's a guy on a boat and the worst place to be and it

turns out he's trying to be an influencer and he started a go-fund me to get $30,000 and he's from another town another city. He took his boat over there. He's in Lake Erie. It's also great. Okay.

Pick up after ourselves. Two items in yesterday's local news seemingly unrelated have a direct bearing upon one another. Spokesman at the New England Hotel and Restaurant Exposition predicted a record-breaking

influx of visitors next summer to this region's... Oh, here we go. You know what that means? Slack up your house animals. No wonder. The St. Longons are coming. By the way, they're making McDonald's out of them.

I don't know if you've seen this. They're lining up. Some of them are waiting and lied two to three times. They're skipping school. They're skipping school. They're not. They're uneducated because all they're doing is going to McDonald's all day.

And the foolish immigrants could order it all at once, but instead is waiting to order it after waiting in line again. I've never understood. They like lines. Uh, uh, uh, uh,

uh, uh, coming next summer to this region's multiple shore on country. recreational spots, the Public Works Department announced a determined new drive to keep the city's highway and byways cleaner with 14 motorized sweepers operating under a sanitary division. So this is when we used to clean things? Yeah. It's shocking.

It ought not to require a reminder that visitors are coming to prompt the thoughtless to more cleanly habits. as in many a family there is one slovenly member who must be policed or else picked up after as the homely saying is so in a community of Boston's population and with its daily

flood of commuters there are thousands who carelessly littered the streets with rubbish well it was probably a thousand times cleaner than now yeah the education of such of these is a discouragingly slow process stung by the taunt of one conspicuous critic that it is probably the dirtiest city in the

country from the angle of cleanliness, New York Sanitary and Police Authorities. It's the dirtiest when looking at it as whether or not it's clean. Yeah. But if you look at it as being dirty, it's nailing it. It's actually one of the best. They're killing it. It's the cleanest. The New York Sanitary and Police Authorities instituted a cleanup campaign with beneficial effect.

It can be done, but it all depends on individual cooperation. Well, right there, that's where it falls apart. You lost it. Yeah. Not happening. That's where it was. If you expect people to do the thing, it's not going to happen. That reminds me in New York when they were like, there's too much garbage.

And then they were just like, so what we're going to do to solve that is we're getting rid of the garbage cans on the street. Did that happen? Yes. Yes. Where? Because people. I love what you explain. Well, let me explain how.

crazy America is to other people. I grew up in a civil war. Like in front of my house was two army soldiers with AK-47s. And I thought that's weird, you know, not realizing that when you go, hang on, we got a garbage problem. Yeah, let's just get rid of the garbage cans.

That way, get rid of the garbage. That way people will stop using them to throw out the trash. That is really what happened. That's what happened. That's up there with arming the teachers or putting like bulletproof windows. All right, all right, buddy. Take it easy. How do you want to do you want to?

solve school shooting problems. Get rid of the guns. That's what happened in Sri Lanka. That's what I'm in Australia. I mean, Sri Lanka, no, to the guns. Oh my gosh. Get rid of the guns. Why don't you have me cut off my hands? Who's going to kill the students?

Oh, I didn't think about that one, didn't you. I'll tell you who's good at McDonald's. Skipping school for McDonald's will kill the students. It's the slower death. You know that in some of our schools now, deal, we have like in the school. McDonald's or Taco Bells or things like that. No, you don't.

Yeah. Wow. Well, what? Yeah. Yeah. See, you think the only way to colonize is by taking over other lands. What you don't understand is if we all become huge blobs. America will just be taking over everything just simply by more, by mass.

I mean, we're just going to be. Too many of us. Yeah. What are you going to do? You're not going to stop us. No. God, I can't wait to get there. Honestly, you're going to love it.

You're going to love it. Yeah. There's trash everywhere. Everyone's getting killed. But you have Universal Studios. See, that's what I'm saying. That's really what America. America is like the craziest person in the world, but man, can they fuck?

That is perfect. If you're there for cheap thrills, you're not going to get it anywhere else as good as America. should delete from your phone, but after a couple cocktails, you're like, you up? Yeah, man. That's what it is. America's eaten ass. You're like, oh, Jesus. Getting pegged.

Oh, America, anything. America's just like, what do you want to do? You can literally shit on my chest while I jerk you off. You're like, man, you are fucking nuts. I'm not getting this anywhere else. Okay, this is a question. ask Dorothy Dix

That's not a great name DI-A-S Dirty Dix? Dottie Dix is what you go to the doctor for Miss Dix That's what Someone who used to be straight I would realize they're lesbian

I miss Dix You know at the window Sometimes I feel like I'm miss Dix I am a girl of 17 in love with a boy who said when I first met him that he wouldn't go out with a girl who was under 18 and he keeps asking my age and I say I am 18. His name is Christelia. No, that's too old.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And by the way, he'd be like, that's fine. And also he would never ask the age. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We expect to be married next month. Jesus Christ. So nobody's going to do the, like nobody's checking? I mean, I guess.

Do, okay, do you think I have to confess to him that I'm only 17 that he will marry me? Man, for this time, this guy is very principled. Yeah, yeah, he really is. You know what I mean? I don't want some 17-year-old. Give me 18. Like a guy in Boston is like, no, that's illegal. It's wrong.

I doubt it was illegal. Yeah, probably. The age of, it would have been 16 or something. Well, no, because that's what she's saying basically. I guess it's the marriage age. Yeah, it hits just him because. Answer. The difference between 17 and 18 is so little that I don't think the boy will let it break off the marriage.

Miss Dix. But the one thing that he will resent is you're having deliberately lied to him. No, I was going to say. I mean, that's kind of good advice. Tell him. Okay, well, that was fucking weird. Yep, super weird. Are there any more questions from that?

I want to hear more from Miss Dix. I do too. Dorothy Dix. I bet you do. Dottie Dix. Dix. Fisherman clings to line with teeth. This is not a letter to her, is it?

No, this is sorry. I have a. I was swimming and I saw a worm in the water and I bit it. I am currently on a boat being photographed and sent to the president. Any advice, Miss Dix? P.S. there's a man throwing his wife into the water. Yes, I just saw a guy try to drown his wife. You can marry the fish, but be honest.

There should be a segment called Dave Dix where you ask Dave questions. About your Darius. No, just relationship advice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that would be really smart. It would be so bad. A Cambridge fisherman who clung to a line by his teeth was rescued from drowning off Boston Light yesterday by his fellow crew members. Walk me through this.

Revived after three hours of artificial respiration, three hours. Boy. Three hours? There definitely was someone like, hey, dude, he's dead. It's been 90 minutes. I just like kissing corpses. George. Walsh, 35

of Cambridge, was landed at Boston Fish Pier and taken to Bright Marine Hospital, where his condition is reported as fair. Walsh, according to Captain Maddie Whalen, Wayland, come on. Whalen, this is not real. Waylon. Yeah, yeah, no, Maddie Whalen. Yeah, that's what happened. My specialty, crabs.

Maddie Welland fell overboard while filling fish pens with ice, and the trawler circled twice while Ronald McCormick attempted to toss a line to Walsh. Okay. He tried, been failed by the sounds of it.

And the fishermen, floundering in the choppy sea and the fog, missed the first throw, but succeeded in seizing the line in his teeth on the second throw. Can I, like literally stop it? Is there a possibility that this was a seal? Could this have a bit of seal? I just can't imagine.

being like my hands can't grab it i'll bite the line he's a fisherman he know he's doing what he's seen happened plenty of time yeah he don't see any fish catching the thing with their fins and then he's trying to swim in the other direction they're like mattie mattie maddie i'm getting away no way i'm going to see the president i'm going to see the president yeah there is like such a be even here. Okay, this just gets crazier. I don't see how. Unconscious, but with the last, with the line last in his clenched teeth, he was hauled to the side of the trawler and take it aboard. So he was passed out, but he kept biting onto it. Like a doberman. Like you said, a lockjaw. Like a lockjaw, like a pit bull. And then they just

reel them in. Imagine as you're pulling in suddenly, he just gets. a tooth? One guy just starts out of instinct clubbing him. No, that's Matt. That's Matt. This fucking thing put up a hell of a fight. Crew members took turns. That's Mac.

That's Mattie. Crew members took turns for three hours applying artificial respiration until he was revived. I got to be honest, fellas. I was back after like 10 minutes. I just felt so good. You know, lips, Jimmy. He's just enormously inflated by the.

the end? He looks like a Macy's Day float. This was really a crazy story. Let's see. Okay, I thought I had the last one here. Yeah, I would say one more if you got it. If not. Turtle travels 2,000 miles in six years.

Actually, let's not do it. What? There's never. It's never been a more aquatic paper. You're right. It is so... I mean, luckily we had a bit of equestrian in there. A little bit of like horse broke up.

A bit of horse romping. A bit of sort of sexism on the stand and other things. But for the most part, everything, it's just like... I mean, it really is not necessarily the... It's like the Boston Ocean. Oh, my. Yeah. Sorry, I just had to convert 2,000 miles to kilometers.

Fucking hell. 3,200 kilometers. Hold on, I got to convert that to miles. And how long in six years? Six years. Was it raising money for charity or something like that? It's like a fundraiser. It's one of those ones where you hear it, you go, whoa.

Is that far? Let me do 3,000. I mean, by land? By land? Sure. By sea, no. Yeah. Because they'd be fast in the water.

Yeah, exactly. Imagine a turtle doing that on land. I don't think he knows the other part of our lives. Based on my mats, it's about 1.4 kilometers per day, you know. Oh, I mean, come on. No way a turtle could do that. It's not that far. Is it a turtle?

It's not part for you. If it's a line to McDonald's, then that's the longest. The line he waited in. Yeah. But look, if you don't race me in this turtle, I'm never talking to you again. The old hair and the tortoise has a new spin to it. Where the tortoises just refuses to run. And then the hair.

And then the hair goes to him. Most people don't know. Some people don't know. More than 2,000 miles in six years is traveling for a turtle, but children playing in a vacant street in Tacoma, Washington. Found a turtle. So it's in Tacoma, Washington.

Do you know where Tacoma, Washington is up near Seattle? You know where Seattle is? Beautiful. It's essentially. Where Frazier lives. Exactly. Thank you. Yeah, it's the opposite side of it.

It's a complete opposite part of the country than Louisiana. Found a turtle with the inscription on it. So some boys found a turtle with the description on Shell. Baton Rouge, Louisiana, 1938. I'm a big fan of us putting. labeled carving into the shells of turtles ownership cities

can I can I share a story that is not mine and it's a friend of us who your listeners might be aware of and he's talked about this in his show so I don't feel like I'm talking out of school

but our friend Tommy Dassela when he was a 12 year old or whatever his dad they went to Fiji and they do this thing where they I think they rehab either rescue a bunch of turtles and you put a little sticker. You paint on the turtle, which will wash away eventually or whatever,

but it's just like, you're going, oh, that's my turtle, and you can do an art or maybe your name. He wrote, I'm gay and put the turtle to the world. Oh, my God. They were all like, good stuff. Doesn't that speak 12-year-old, like a 12-year-old going? And when he told me that, I'm like, that can't be true. And then he showed me a photo, and he shows it and he shows it.

It's the most 12-year-old thing ever. I have the worst. This is horrible. But you might not know this still, but when the Challenger space shuttle exploded, I was like six. So it was like Reagan put together like this team of astronauts. And they shot it,

you know, they were going to space and everything. And it was like, when you actually learn about the story behind the scenes, it's actually so fucking crazy. because like... I'll go to be honest with you. Unless American history is a blind spot for me,

unless Lynn Manuel Miranda does a musical about it. That's how Dave feels. That's how I always find about it. Anyway, my yearbook at the time, there was a picture in the back of the like seven astronauts who died live on TV and it was like fucking crazy. And I took my yearbook home and my family was going through my yearbook

and then saw in the back that I wrote a talk bubble over all of them that said, I'm dead. And they were all like, oh my god I was like, what's going on? And they were like, yeah, no. You're crazy. Yeah, they were like, six years old.

Yeah. And I was like, this is funny. Do you see? And they were all like, this is not funny. And here's why. This is some edgy stuff there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so the turtle has on its back,

Baton Rouge, Louisiana, 1938, and it is now 1947. Yeah, so that's like nine years. Yeah, it was a land variety, but not native to the Pugent Sound country. How the turtle arrived in Tacoma is not determined. It didn't fucking come from there. Someone just put that on its back in fucking Seattle. What's happening?

You can't. This is a traveling turtle. There's no proof that it traveled. It's just fucking scribbles on its back. No, it's got, it was tagged. You can't write it unless you're there. You can't write. You can't write the city.

Legally. It's what it is. Put it in the papers. This is exactly what happened. Put it in the newspaper. My sweet deal, thank you for joining us. Oh, boys.

Always a pleasure. Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you. We love you. It is. I always feel uplifted and kind of depressed after I chat to you guys,

you know, because it's like, because I live in a little bubble where I'm just playing, you know, video games and smoking weed and just, you know, like where everything's, Everything's comedy and stand-up. Yay. And then I chat to you guys. Think about Boston 1947. Well, you know what strange is that as with everything on the show where we used to just have a real giggle back at history. Now we're reading the papers that were like, that was crazy. But we're going like, but better.

Yeah. You know, like think about FAPF, do the flash forward when people are reading about this time now. Oh, you know. The former president says windmills are making whales go batty. that's that's honestly one of the things we've also touched on is this idea of like how will history view joe biden and you're just like yeah those books aren't going to make it to the next generation that's we ain't making it like there's not going to at that point there won't be schools it'll just be everybody will work in vape factories if they're but we love you dill thank you for joining us i love you guys That's true. I can't wait to see you guys in America next year. Yeah. Well, it might not be here, but we'd still love to have you try to come here.

I just want to have your big sliced pizzas and stuff. And your buffalo wings, apparently buffalo wings are too die for. Like they're not there. I'm excited. That's what you got to say, by the way, when you get to customs, like, what's bringing you here? I'm just excited for your big slices of pizza and your buffalo wings. This guy sounds pretty good, to be honest. Come on in, pal. You're going to fit right in. This guy gets it.

Yeah, and they're just like, what if buffalo wings were made out of a cat? And you're just like, nah, not disgusting. Nah, not for me, yuck. Hey, come on in, amigo. Don't worry, he's a good one. All right, Dill, thanks so much, buddy. Thanks, guys. Hey, Dullab fans.

I know you love the Dallop. You love listening to the Dullop. Do you want to watch the Dallop? You're like, Gareth, what are you talking about? By the way, it's not Gary, it's Gareth. Well, we have partnered with Lakeside Animation. and we are starting to animate some of our episodes. So if you want to go watch a five-partner animation,

which is actually like a 22-minute episode or 30-minute episode, I can't remember, of the Rube, you can go to Lakeside Animation on YouTube and watch a really awesome animation of the Rube. It really genuinely kicks ass, and we're very proud of it. And the more you share it, the more you give it to people, the more you follow Lakeside, all that stuff, the better chance we have of making a lot more of them.

We're already making a second one, so go there and watch The Rube.