The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - Introducing: Next We Have with Gareth Reynolds

Episode Date: June 6, 2025

Check out Gareth’s new podcast Next We Have on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube!

Hello doll heads and doll up listeners this is gareth listen i have a new podcast called next we have that you can listen to or watch on youtube. Call next we have because it's full of segments it's quick segments were leaning into the short attention span. people you've maybe heard about on our shows or other things, but if you could give it a listen, I would appreciate it. And you know, like it, subscribe it, all that stuff. It's very different from the dollop, so keep listening to the dollop, obviously. But this is next we have a short attention span romp with just myself, Gareth, not Gary. Enjoy. All right, and welcome to Next We Have. This is the first episode. I have a couple podcasts.

My first one was The Dollop, my OG. I have We're Here to Help, a call and advice show. And then I think the thinking behind what this is is just purely a show that tries to make people laugh. And we have a lot of segments we plan on really Trying to keep your attention. I Should point out my name is Gareth Reynolds Kevin Bartelt is the producer Alex Burns is the other producer So this is the first episode this is the worst part of the show by far Because probably by now you're listening to this and you're like

Why is this guy talking about how great the show will be? Just get to the show. But I've kind of doubled down now a little bit by making it longer and I kind of want to earn back what I may have squandered, which is just kind of, I'm bragging about how great this show will be and how you're never going to get bored. And I'm the guy saying this and I'm a little yawny. So ignore this part. It that's all gonna be better than

this part I'm telling you if you've recorded a ton of stuff and why this is the first thing I don't know we need to have an intro to it and it should be shortened but here I am kind of making it longer by apologizing and the smart thing to do would be to get to a segment which we're going to do right now So we brought in a guest Lisa Gilroy who is Awesome. I'm happy to have known her before she becomes super famous because that's gonna happen but basically we had this idea to like, you know, I've been wronged by so many companies and I write reviews and I call them and it never does anything. So

the idea here was if someone has been wronged by a company, we will help you write a scathing review. Something that'll get on their radar. Something that'll get you attention. So Lisa and I sit down to help a desperate caller in need of a revenge review. And I'll be honest, I don't know if it helped. It feels like it was a little chaotic, but it was a hell of a blast to go through. So here you go. Hello.

Hi there. I'm not going to lie, when you were muted we heard you laughing and then Lisa pointed out that you were coughing and that I just always think women are laughing at my jokes. So we've never done this segment before to be totally honest with you. You're on with Lisa Gilroy. Hello. Who's fantastic. And what we're going to do is we're going to help write a scathing review for a company or a business that has wronged you. Yes.

Okay. What is your name? Can I ask you that? My name is Hannah. Okay, Hannah. Hi, Hannah. Where are you from, Hannah? Where are you living? Montana. I'm from California, but I'm calling you from Spain. Oh from space? How does it sound out there? NASA has left me and I want to write a review.

I'm calling from Spain. Oh that's awesome. Okay so you're in Spain and did the business, I don't know if we're allowed to comment on a Spanish business. Is this an American business that wronged you? Oh, yes, this is an American business. All right, well why don't you? Wait, why would you not be allowed to comment on a Spanish business? Maritime loss, if I can't get into it.

It's international. We're not allowed to. Plus my Spanish is no bueno. Okay, Hannah, so what happened? Who wronged you and what happened? Okay, so major hotel chain, I don't know if I can say their name, they wronged me. Who are they?

We'll bleep it out. Holiday Inn Express. A holiday? We have to be able to talk about it because the express of it all, right? You get to like whiz in and whiz out as fast as you can. I was at a Holiday Inn Express, and someone, when I was in my room about to take a shower,

opened my door with a key that they were given. Oh my God, that's happened to me before, but I was sleeping. Just crazy. But I always put the, what? On the. Yeah, I didn't. I was very much, I was like, what's going on?

And then a guy was like, sorry, and he had a saxophone. What? Yes, he had a saxophone, and I was just like, what the fuck is about to happen? All right, anyway, and he had a saxophone. What? Yes, he had a saxophone and I was just like, what the fuck is about to happen? All right, anyway, Hannah, you're in space. So, okay, so what happened? Okay, so last summer I was moving to Washington to work at a summer camp.

My dad decided to come with me and drive from California up to Washington. We stopped to stay in Oregon to kind of break up the drive. The hotel we stayed at first night was fine. In the morning is where we ran into the issue. He woke up before me. He went down to the lobby to get that continental breakfast. I went down as dads do. As dad law is. As dads do. Yeah, as dad's law is.

Yes. I went after him. I got in the elevator. You know, I pushed the button for the first floor. I'm looking at my phone. A minute passes and I'm like, oh, weird. The elevator hasn't gone anywhere. Even though I pressed the button for the first floor and I'm on the third.

And so I pressed it again. Did you press it for the first or did you press it for the lobby, Hannah? I just have to ask a clarifying question. Because your complaint about the Holiday Inn is that the first floor took you to... Okay, okay. You pressed for the lobby. Got it, got it, got it. Yeah, on the third floor.

It's an important distinction. Very lawyerly. Okay? Okay, so I push the button, nothing happens. I push it again, nothing happens. And then I'm like, okay, I can walk down the stairs. I push the button to open the door. Oh no.

The doors won't open either. Is this how you ended up in space? My major grievance is getting stuck in the Holiday Inn Express elevator. How long were you stuck in there for? I was in there for about 25 minutes. Oh my god. It doesn't sound like that long. No it does.

That's crazy. How long you'll be in there, it feels like so long. That's crazy. And so did you press the emergency. It feels like so long. That's crazy. And so did you press the emergency alert button in there that I've always wanted to press? Yeah. Well, I actually because my dad was on the lobby and I didn't want to call the fire department right away because I was a little embarrassed. Like, what was this?

Somehow my fault. I called my dad first and he started like doing operations from the ground floor with the manager. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. from the ground floor with the manager Operations on with the manager. Oh you have a video she sent pics. Oh a picture looking at the pics, Anna You look upset Hannah in the picture. You were upset and then you're happy when I was very scared So you got an out of you got an out of well your dad you guys handled this far more calmly than I would have You're very polite to not want to call the fire department. I would lose my shit.

I would piss in there very quickly. They'd be like, you're in here eight minutes. And I'd be like, I didn't know what to do. I drank urine. So you're in that text, we were just showing a screen grab of a conversation with your dad. And in the text, he said, you kept it together until the elevator doors opened.

Does that mean that they opened and you saw your dad and you dissolved into tears? How did it go? I don't even know how this resolved, but eventually 25 minutes into the ordeal, some random person pressed the doors outside the third floor. And for some reason, even though that hadn't worked earlier, it suddenly opened and I ran out

and I wasn't crying until the doors opened, but I started sobbing when the doors opened and this like strange man had to watch me come out and burst into tears. I feel so sorry for him having to like bear witness to that moment of freedom. You should not feel bad for the experience other people are having.

You are the victim. Well, did they just load right into the elevator after you came out crying? Hey, I'm trapped. Oh my God, this thing's not moving! That's why she was crying. I told him I would not get in there if I were you. I was just stuck in there for 25 minutes. So did you tell the Holiday Inn what happened? Yeah, they weren't aware. My dad very quickly went and got somebody who was working downstairs and And they were trying to get me out, but everything they were trying was not working.

And we were probably two minutes away from calling the fire department before it finally just opened. But they knew that I got stuck. What did they offer you? Because when the thing happened to me where someone entered my room, I went down there and I was pissed.

And they literally were like, "'You can have a free fountain drink.'" Oh! And I was like, and then I called Holiday Inn and I was pissed, and they literally were like, you can have a free fountain drink. And I was like, and then I called Holiday Inn and I was like, what the fuck? And they stood their ground. That was it. That's kind of crazy, because their only job is to give one key to each person's room.

That's their only job. They admitted that they had messed up, but that's why they were like, do you want a Dr. Pepper? I'm such a pushover that when it happened to me, and a man tried to come into my room with a key that he was rightfully given and some man tried to come in my room with a key that he was rightfully given at night when I was sleeping in the bed, I didn't

even bring it up for the front desk. I was like, actually, probably my fucking bed. So you both are like, we fucked up. Yeah, that's girlhood. And that's girlhood. And that's why you are coughing so much at my jokes. That's exactly right. I used to flow. much at my jokes. That's exactly right. Okay. So what did they tell you? What did they like? What was the resolution at the

end of all of this, Hannah? My major complaint is that they said they would comp the room and they never did. So was it one of those annoying things where you're like checking your credit card statement for years to come, wondering that one day when is this going to show? And then it's like more headache than it's worth, and then you're calling and you're waiting on hold and you just never get refunded? Yes. That's how they play it.

That's how the holiday enrolls. Yeah. All right, I think that's good enough. I mean, we can definitely write a review for this pretty easily. Sure. Do you want me to start, Lisa? Do you wanna stay? I mean.

Sure, why not you do it. I'll start, okay. I think I'm gonna go snarky. Oh, loving that. Yeah, I think I'm going to go snarky. Oh, loving that. Yeah. I think I'm going to start snarky. Um, sup fuckos. It's a great start. Well, is that is that kind of snarky?

Well, you say what you were thinking and then I'll say I'm not going to be able to edit sup fuckos, so let's keep sup fuckos. OK. Um, how about the term holiday in and let's put in in quotes, is very appropriate for this establishment. Oh, no spell check. This is going to be brutal. This is a great element to this.

Because I went quotes in their elevator and was never allowed to go out. Out in quotation marks. Out in quotation marks. That's why it's not called the holiday in and out. You jump in when you're ready. Oh, this is interesting, because now you're explaining to the general public about the hotel.

Whereas I thought we were writing a letter to the hotel. No, this is gonna be like on a Yelp. So fuck us is for the other users of yelp. Just think it's like a cool way to just like talk to other people on yelp. OK. Some fuckos. Look, I'm not going to lie. It's not right, but I can't remove it. You know what I mean? Oh, totally. Yeah. OK.

Yeah. Could you want to say that's why it's not called the holiday in and out. I love that. Okay. Okay. Even in and out burger allows more access in and out of different venues and areas. That's just something I kind of wanted to shout out. Because I think it makes brands mad

when you call out another brand. Yep. Like, because I'm advertising now for in and out. Yep. Even in and out burger allows, sorry. Allows for different burgers and people to enter and exit different rooms and restaurants. Good.

I just feel like I wanna keep it concise, I wanna keep it to the point. I like it. Yeah, well listen, we've already hooked them because it starts with sup fuckos. So we could really do whatever we want to keep them in. I was trapped in the elevator in this shithole for 25 minutes. And to say that nobody who worked there cared is an understatement.

As a matter of fact, the only person who seemed like they wanted me out of this elevator hell and then in parentheses Hellevator, I love that Was my father who looks like one of the pawn star guys. Hey, I Wish the handlebar that was on my father's face could have been applied as an emergency handlebar to the elevator door. And then in quotes, alas, wizardry's fake. And Hannah, we're really, again, we've started with sup fuckos. And I just want you to know that this is going to end with later fuckos.

Yeah. Okay, great. Perfect. Perfect. I mean, we've done pretty good. Kevin, will you just, let's go from the top and just read it real quick and we'll see what we got. Okay.

Sup, fuckos. The term holiday in is very appropriate for this establishment because I went in their elevator, good there's by the way, Kevin. Nice. And was never allowed to go out. That's why it's not called the Holiday In-N-Out. Even In-N-Out Burger allows for different burgers and people to enter and exit different rooms and restaurants.

I was trapped in the elevator in this shit hole for 25 minutes. As a matter of fact, the only person who seemed like they wanted me out of this elevator hell, hellivator, was my father who looked like one of the pawn star stars okay sure star stars i wish the handlebar was on my i wish the handlebar that was on my father's face was the handlebar to the to the door the handle part of the door alas wizard wizardry is fake.

OK, let's bring her in for a landing. OK. I have I have one additional grievance. If it works, it works. We've got to add it. No problem. I don't think you've probably ever gone to a continental breakfast after being stuck in the elevator for 25 minutes and coming out sobbing. But like trying to get your fruit loops after that public spectacle when everyone knows you were the girl that was just stuck in the elevator, that was horrible. Okay. So next paragraph, which brings me to

the continental breakfast from hell in brackets, continent, hell breakfast. Perfect. Love it. Just like trying to create a pattern. A theme and I love it. Perfect. Love it. Just like trying to create a pattern. A theme and I love it. Continent Hell. Spell checks again. But it can take its own life. Wait, Continent Hell breakfast or just Continent Hell?

Continent Hell breakfast. Yeah. And you know what, if you want, Kev, you can change, you can change fast into fire, so it's continent hell brek fire. Oh, great. Yes. I don't know, just like. I love it.

We're kind of like having fun with the format. Yeah, let's up fuckos. Yeah. After being trapped in the up down coffin, I was expected to eat my stale fruit loops like some sort of, and let's just quote it because I'm loving the quotes, normie. Mm-hmm. At the end of the day this hotel cared so little about getting me out that my escape was hatched by a fellow guest opening the elevator on my floor and then parentheses I'm one hundo that he

thought I farted yo that he thought I farted yo That he thought I farted you gotta get Right, I mean we're pretty much there Lisa do you want any capper? Can you add before I'm 100 say say when I warned him not to enter? Just so that we have context for that. Yeah, that's important. I would say that this is a crazy review, but then sometimes you read reviews and you're like, is this person okay? Yeah. What's happening right now? Exactly. So what time in the morning was this? And did you, Oh, and you wanted to get on the road, right? Yeah, we were a little delayed. I met all of my new coworkers later that day and having to meet all of my new coworkers

with the knowledge that I had been like trapped in an elevator earlier, it was just really an odd feeling. Do you want to go real dramatic here and just be like, this almost ruined my new job? Yeah. And just leave it like- Just say this did ruin my new job. This did ruin my new job and my coworkers did not like me. Yeah, because my brains were scrambled.

My central nervous system was, let's say, furked, as a fun way to say it. Love it. Yeah, and why don't you say, my brains were scrambled. And then let's do a parentheses. It's furked. My nervous system was the brain. Okay. My brains are scrambled better than the continental breakfast eggs.

And then Hannah, I'm going to just take a liberty at the end of this review because they don't really know like who you are and you started a new job at that department, but at the end can we just put like, by the way, I'm a surgeon. That's great. So that when people read it, they're like, oh the central why don't we say by the way? I'm a high practicing surgeon for Let now we have to get this like specific where they won't believe us So I'm a high practicing I think anyone who got here is very skeptical of us already

I'm a high practicing surgeon for what's like a specific? The American doctor has no like I'm saying like a medulla oblongata or something. That's perfect. Do you know that part of the brain? Yep. What's it called? I'm by the way, I'm a high practicing surgeon for the medulla oblongata. Yep. Oh, fuck. And then put in parentheses, look it up, fucko.

It's so misspelled. And then put in parentheses look it up fucko Okay, by the way, I'm a high-practicing surgeon for the Medulla Omblongata. Look it up, fuckos. Alright, and then just let's sign off with, Do not stay here. Or, if you do, you will stay forever. Oh yeah, and then go muahahaha. Yeah. You'll stay forever.

Okay, great. This is really tickling me, I don't know why. This is really tickling me. I don't know why. This is so funny. Great. Okay. Let's just do a final read through and then Hannah, we're going to send it to you. You will post it. And you have to post it legally.

Okay. All right. Okay. So first of all, I think the opening is going to get us flagged, but it's not where you have to keep it, obviously. Well, let's just take out the C and put in two Ks. Great, yes. Subfuckos, way better.

Okay, subfuckos with double K. All right, subfuckos, the term holiday in is very appropriate for this establishment because I went in their elevator and was never allowed to go out, also quoted. That's why it's not called the holiday in and out. Even in and out burger allows for different burgers and people to enter and exit different rooms and restaurants. That

part has grown on me dramatically. I was trapped in the elevator in this shithole for 25 minutes and to say that nobody who worked there cared is an understatement. As a matter of fact, the only person who seemed like they wanted me out of this elevator hell, hell-evator, was my father who looked like one of the pawn star stars. I wish the handlebar that was on my father's face was the handlebar to the door. Alas, wizardry is fake. Which brings me to the continental breakfast from hell. Continent hell brekfire. Continent hell brekfire.

After being trapped in the up and down coffin, I was expected to eat my stale fruit loops like some sort of normie. At the end of the D-Day, well let's just go day, at the end of the day this hotel cared so little about getting me out that my escape was hatched by a fellow guest opening the elevator on the floor when I warned him to not enter. I'm one hundo that he thought I farted, yo. This did ruin my new job and my co-workers did not like me because my brains were scrambled better than the continental breakfast eggs and my central nervous system was furred. By the way, I'm a high practicing surgeon for the medulla omblongata. Look it up fuckos. Let's double K the fuckos. Do not stay here

or if you do, you'll stay forever. Mwahaha. Great. Great. I, uh, Hannah, how do you feel about it? I think it's perfect. I have no notes. I think that was this a was this a cathartic experience for you at all, Hannah? Like genuinely? Definitely. Definitely. OK, well, that's what we're here to do.

Yeah, that's if that's all we do. Get revenge. Yeah, that's great. I'll email this to you, Hannah. And then Hannah, will you take a screenshot of you posting this on the Holiday Inn review site that you go to? Yeah. And by the way, obviously one star.

Oh, for sure. Yeah, okay, good. All right, Hannah, well thank you for taking me. Thank you so much, Hannah. May in voyage, we're sorry that happened to you. And remember, they did this to you. This is not your fault. Thank you so much for your help. I'm sorry you're coughing so much, Hannah. Thank you so much, Hannah. We're sorry that happened to you. And remember, they did this to you. This is not your fault. Thank you so much for your help.

I'm sorry you're coughing so much. That was a cough, right? Yeah, okay. Thank you, Hannah. All right, Hannah. Thank you. Okay, bye. Thank you.

Okay, so now this next segment is we're basically playing a game, and I think going forward will multiple choice this. But guess that sound. ASMR is huge. Everyone loves ASMR. I had someone recently comment on something about like whatever something we did on the dollop and they were like, please stop drinking during the episode. Like drinking water.

And I'm like, what the fuck? Like, you get thirsty. You're talking so much. Like the dollop is an hour and a half of straight up nonstop talking. And they're like, stop drinking during, I'm like, I'll die. But there are other people who are like, oh, that's awesome.

I mean, there's people who like hearing people eat, but so sound effects, Burns, you came up with a list of options and I'm trying to guess the sound effects. It's very hard to guess the sound effects, which is you came up with a list of options, and I'm trying to guess the sound effects. It's very hard to guess the sound effects, which is why we'll find multiple choices going forward. But there's some real fascinating stuff here. So please enjoy this part of guessing the sound effects. Here you go.

OK, so we're trying to do some games. Another thing we're thinking is maybe some games, some guessing games. This is one we talked about doing and then you actually facilitated Burns. This is going to be just guessing sounds or is it going to be like animal sound? What is it? It's going to be a variety of different sounds. Yes, animal sounds will be amongst them. So sounds. We'll play you the audio of a video. Uh huh. And then you'll guess what the video is based on the sound that you hear. So guessing basically what I'm hearing. Yeah. What are you hearing? Show me. Okay. All right. All right. Let's start because I think this is pretty self-explanatory. Horse. Sounds like a horse. That's it? That's it. I mean, I don't know. It sounds like a

horse eating Doritos. You might be a little closer than you think. Uh, okay, what do we have? Alright, come it in. Uh huh. Oh! Oh my god, it's a cat eating Doritos! It's a cat on a fenc- Oh my god, it's a cat, this is awesome. It's a cat on a fence eating Cheez-Its maybe? And he has a Cheez-Its beard. That's shocking what animals are eating.

And where? And where. I mean he's sitting on top of a fence. Which can't be comfortable. It's a chain link fence that has like the little pokey things at the top. This is another one of those ones where I would I my first instinct would not be to film. But that cat is awesome. That's awesome. That's nature. Like, that's really what we've done is we've kind of created our own new nature, where,

you know, feral animals are going to eat Cheez-Its with a bag on their head. Do you like nature? I love nature. I got one for you. Okay. Holy Trinity. It's great. I have a very specific guess for this one. I think it's outside of a church. And I think that's a bird hitting a woman in the head. I think a bird flew into a woman's head hard There's you're not for

It's a duck oh they're letting the doves out at a funeral oh Shit and one of the trucks took the dove out They Randy Johnson the dove it. It's a wedding. Who has, okay, that wedding is so close to a freeway. That would be crazy to be at a, why is a cop there? I mean, none of it makes any sense. None of it makes, I mean, you're so close to a freeway. That had to be very cheap.

Terrible location. Terrible location and then the dove gets straight truck fucked. The guy opens the basket towards the highway. He looks like he's never opened a dove basket before. Not that I'd know what I'd do. I definitely, if I had an option of green and freeway, I'd be like, I'm going to go green. Yeah, he had two choices and he went the wrong way.

Let's change it up. By the way, I don't know if you follow through with that ceremony if that happens. Yeah, I mean- I definitely think I look at the woman and I'm like, ah, this should probably be an annulment. 50% of our doves got killed by a semi. It's a bad sign. It's a bad, I would be curious to know

how they're doing today. Yeah, and how about this? Forgo the dove box fee and get married 80 feet further away from a freeway. Take that $130 and put it towards distance. That would be money well spent. All right, here's something.

This is not exactly nature, although I guess you could say it might be. Well that one wasn't nature. There's a bird. Yeah, but you're considering a cat on a fence eating cheese, it's nature. You said it was nature. You then told me the two doves coming out of a box and getting hit by a truck was nature. Kind of the same kind of nature. I don't believe so.

Okay. They all sound like horses. I mean, I got that it's there's not enough there's not enough tells that something funny is happening with a horse and that guy's laughing very oh god oh my god what the fuck and now what did you expect me did you expect me to say I bet you one guy sitting on a motorcycle and eight guys have their pants down and are slapping their bare asses? I mean, you got closer on the bird one than I thought you would get. I sure did, but this one's crazy. The idea that I would be like, what is this by the way?

It's um, it's a bike gang. This has to be in the Midwest. Yeah, yeah, looks like it. Pennsylvania maybe? I like how one of the guys decided to take his shirt off too. They were like, We're just doing butts and Greg's getting naked. We've got one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. Seven to eight guys just pants down, slapping. And I think what they're trying to do is mimic the sound of an engine. Not doing a great job. I don't think it sounds anything like an engine.

No, because they're starting off on the one guy making it look bad ass. I did not imagine that that reveal would be eight guys just slapping their asses. So you don't love that one? I mean, it's hard to guess. Well, I mean, yeah. Were these supposed to be easy?

Well, it'd be nice if I would be like, in my head I was gonna go like cockatoo. All right, here's one, okay Nature uh Nature! Uh, oh my god. Well, I don't want to, let me play that again, because I don't, you want me to go in the direction that I'm not going to go in. It's definitely air escaping something. Or uh, you know, I gotta be honest because I don't know what this is what that's the reveal can't be you don't even know it doesn't say what do you mean it doesn't what is it oh my god it's just a valve of hot it looks like here

petroleum jelly like maybe that's how they make Vaseline jelly valve hot Vaseline the way there's gotta be a better way to make this I mean good tell you oh my god but good for you for not taking the bait not again and please stop it it's not and I stopped it. You want one more? Yeah, yeah, let's go one more. Make it a banger. Is there anyone where you're like, I might be able to guess this?

The answer is no, I can tell already. The answer is well. Well, let's go with a winner. Do whatever. Is this Pink Floyd? What? This Pink Floyd? What? Here you go.

Take two. I mean, it sounds like a digital dove. Is this what happened when the dove got hit by the truck in its head? Is this the sound of a dove dying? Leaving the matrix? Do it again? I'm not going to guess it. It's some sort of AV issue.

I'm going to guess it's a couple of old people trying... Like, there's a couple old people trying to do something, maybe on their computer, or something. It's old people trying to do something technical and a crazy thing happening, and the footage will be pretty funny of what it's doing. You're way off the mark. Oh, I thought I was getting close. Oh my god!

What the fuck, it's a sea lion? It is a orbital seal. Orbital seal? That's the sound a seal makes? It's a seal noise. Wow that's awesome. See that's what I... Oh man, that is beautiful.

Is that better? You like that one better? Yeah, this is comforting to me. Watching it, that seal is so happy. Do you know what it's doing? I think he's just having a nice time. I think he's really happy out there on the ice I think that's a happy sound that is very that see that's the night that's a nice ending yeah I agree what's that one all right we're good we're all set so

that's that's that's how his seal feels after that seal feels after that happens. Gareth, Burns and I were talking. We thought it would be smart to, as we figure out the bones and the structure of the show and your impact on the globe. Figuring out who you are, especially early on, will be huge for the show. You as well too, but more importantly for the show, we think it would be nice to have

a strong brand. We're big brand guys here. And so we found a few personality tests that we thought would be really helpful for you to take and then we could kind of- You don't think that by just doing the show and just sort of giving my take and my personality on that over a little bit of time that my personality will actually become... In the old podcast world, absolutely, but today... You know podcasts. Yeah, we have to establish like a strong persona early and then we can evolve or devolve,

more interestingly, from there. Okay, I don't get it but okay, so what is this? This is going to be... So we're going to have you take this personality test. So the options are strongly agree, somewhat agree, neutral, somewhat disagree, or strongly agree. Yes. There's five. Yep. There's the strong agree, there's the kind of agree, there's the neither way, there's the somewhat disagree, the strongly disagree.

So the first one is you are a stickler for the rules. You know, I would say somewhat agree to neutral, but I'll go somewhat agree because I think that, you know, sticking to what you say is important. One down, 29 to go. Jesus Christ. You often think about what you should have said in a conversation long after it has taken place.

Somewhat disagree. That happens every now and then. You know what I'll do is I'll, years later, I'll still be like, why did I say that? You'd rather read a book than watch a movie. I mean, this is like gaslighting. Yeah, that's a big lie. You know the answer.

Yeah, strongly disagree. Yeah, obviously. Your room is- I mean, that's been my MO my whole life. I was like, I remember so many times in grade school where the teacher would be like, no, and in my head I'd be like, they changed that for the movie.

Like figuring that out in time. I remember when I watched the Lord of the Flies movie and the pilot lived for like the first quarter of it. And then in like the book, like the pilot's dead immediately and in the movie the guy was like, the pilot should live for the first half. You're talking about like the credits and the movies. Yeah, yeah.

The music. I was like, look, yeah, yeah, exactly, yeah. Question four, your room is typically messy. I'm gonna go neutral because with the amount of travel I do, it falls apart, but if I'm home, I'm pretty clean. So I'll throw neutral there. Interesting. At this very moment, you feel a little lonely.

I mean, you're with your two. At this very moment? No, I'm in the middle of taking a personality test, so I strongly disagree. You're with your two best friends. Strongly disagree. You know my best friends, yeah, but okay. Number five.

Are you clicking these? Oh, you are, okay. I hope so. I hope so, too. You identify as an introvert. You know, I was called by... I love this question, by the way. I was called by my shaman,

an introverted extrovert. Meaning that what I do is very extroverted, but in reality I'm pretty introverted. So again, I mean, it's hard because I almost think I have to do neutral because I am very extroverted as far as like performing, but then. I agree with that. Like I was, I'm like reclusive if I can be.

Like if I could be like, people would be like, didn't he die? And I'd be like, no, he just got a cow. So why don't we just say neutral? Cause it's a wash. For me, I'd say I'm a loud introvert and a quiet extrovert. Yeah, but Kevin, we're not doing your,

but Kevin, we did this whole thing. Number seven, you have high standards. I mean, I just feel like you, You're working with us. You don't even know what this is. I strongly agree. Don't just click it cause I didn't say anything. I do have high standards. I mean, I just feel like you don't even know what this is. You're working with us, so strongly agree. Don't just click it, because I didn't say anything. I do have high standards, especially when

it comes to this stupid thing. Number eight, you love drama. No, strongly disagree. Hate drama, unless I'm watching it on real life. We might need to change that. Number nine, people can easily upset you. I mean, I've been called sensitive, but. Same, brother. I think that, again, it's easily upset you. I mean I've been called sensitive but same

brother I think that again it's not about you I I well like I told you today I saw a comment on the we're here to help Instagram yep and it was just some guy who said loving the show without the Gareth calls and it just rocked me it shouldn't have, because I've been called so many horrible things. And in this business, you just have to get used to it. But it rocked me today. I don't know why.

I DM'd that guy, I said, run. Wait, what? I DM'd him, I said, run. Run fast. Well, I did write to him, like, I'm loving the post where you don't comment. I'll say somewhat agree. I somewhat agree. I think I'm

pretty good about it, but it does happen. Me too. Very relatable. You always text back immediately. No. The people who have read on their text, Burns has that. I dabbled with that for a little bit. It's psychotic. Jake has that. It's crazy to me. Huh? You have it. No, I don't. That's why I put it on online. It says red? No, I don't have it. Can you read it for, can you have read receipts for only certain people? Because I don't have that with you. That's very interesting. I don't have it.

It says red. Whoa. It says I read it. Yep. That's a big deal. And for me, it doesn't. Wow. A big, a big thing that I go for.

To me, that's like- That is so embarrassing. It is mortifying, to be quite honest with you. You're leaving so many people on read and they're seeing it. It's really bad news. That's shocking. I'm gonna actually change that while we're in the middle of this. So I want to say some... I mean, correct me if I'm wrong, but as a guy who texts you almost every day,

I would say somewhat disagree. Maybe... I don't want to say immediately. You do respond pretty quickly, but also sometimes you're busy. Well, sometimes I'm driving and I got it, you need a minute. Other times it's like, where the fuck? What do you think, neutral?

Don't worry about that right now. I'm very worried about this. I've been walking around like I have a cloak of invisibility and I'm just some guy on a sheet. It's terrible news. How do you change it? Oh, crikey.

Okay, you almost always take spec... No, I'm... Somewhat or strongly disagree. I'll say somewhat disagree. I like to take my time. I agree. If you're going somewhere, you like to plan everything out. No, no.

I want someone else to do that and I honestly don't even want to go out strongly or somewhat Strongly disagree. Okay, unless it's like my girlfriend then like I might be like this is the thing but even then She'll definitely be like that didn't come to fruition probably, you know, I'll be like the waiter screwed us Okay, this one's huge Gareth. You prefer rom-coms over action I am not even an action movie guy, but anytime prefer rom-coms over action movies. Ridiculous. I'm not even an action movie guy, but any time a rom-com's put on, it's real bad. By the way, should porn be called rom-coms?

Ooh. Just a thought. Okay, no, strongly disagree. Okay. We're almost halfway there. Wow, this is a brutal thing. You make your bed every morning. No.

No, I look like I went through heroin withdrawal in the night. Strongly disagree? Strongly disagree. Wow. If I'm, yeah, no, it's crazy. Number 14, it bothers you when things don't go as planned. Well, see, I've already acknowledged

that I'm not a big planner, but if someone's telling me that things are planned and they're not, yeah, that bothers me. So I'll go somewhat agree. That's interesting because I kind of view you as like a go with the flow guy. I am, but I like also like I'll I'm big on like, all right, I think we're good here. Structure. Yeah.

I'm good. I think we're good here. Like I'll do that a lot. All right. I think we're good here. Okay. Number 15, you panic easily. No, I think I'm pretty calm.

So I'll say somewhat disagree. I've definitely panicked a lot in my time. I got high for the first time like three weeks ago, and Jesus Christ, that was painful. Three weeks ago? Yeah. Oh, I thought you meant for the first time in your life. No, no. You make friends very easily.

You're very social. I'm pretty social. I would say somewhat or strongly. I'm going to say somewhat. Okay. That's tough to read. Number 17, you think your life is pretty boring. Wow would say somewhat or strongly. I'm gonna say somewhat. Okay, that's tough to read. Number 17, you think your life is pretty boring. No, I don't. Strongly or somewhat?

I think strongly disagree. I mean, my life is really crazy. Too much for me. That's good for the pod. That's really good for the pod. I'm not even sure. You prefer listening to facts rather than feelings. No.

That's boring. I'll go neutral. I'm good with either. I'll go neutral. I'm good with either. I think I'm pretty empathetic, but I'm also, you know, I'm pretty... I'm a vibes guy. It doesn't matter.

Number 19, you're quick to judge other people. Well, in my head, I'm saying bolt in my head. I mean, you know, and on the outside I'm going, oh, well don't even worry about that. But then I'm like, what? This fucking lunatic? Stronger somewhat. I'll go somewhat Number 20 you believe at love in first sight let me try that again. You just preposition drunked

Let me let me believe you believe in love at first sight I Don't know I don't I think I don't think you sorry sweeties. Yeah, I don't think you can do that I think you could have a massive attraction right away, but I don't think you sorry sweeties. Yeah, I don't think you can do that I think you could have a massive attraction right away, but I don't think you can go I'm in love. I think I think love in first love at first sight ends in divorce How about this you believe in love at first touch? Touch is important touch can be touch can escalate. I'm gonna say somewhat disagree. Okay 21 you're not scared to tell someone that you disagree with them. Well, I don't love doing that.

I don't love confrontation. Again, in my head, I'm going like, oh, this person's an idiot. But out loud, I might go like, I never thought about it like that. I think I would go somewhat disagree. I think I try to not do that. I think you need the people who are gonna go like, okay, I guess you're having a moment. Number 22, your goals in life are clear.

To end this test, I strongly agree. Nice. Yeah, I want to dominate the world of entertainment. And that's a very good quality to have. Thank you. 23, you're confident in almost everything you do. I got to go strongly agree. I think it can be crazy, but I don't know. Number 24, you're very artistic.

Oh God, I don't wanna answer that one. I don't like how your mouse is hovering above somewhat disagree. Do you like Ouija boarding somewhat disagree and strongly disagree? I'll say that I go neutral because I always find it strange when people talk about the things that entertainment as art. I've never been comfortable with that because it's like I'm up there talking about how I

shit my pants on a flight and then I'm like, my art speaks for itself. It's like, no, you're just kind of an idiot who was hung over on a flight. And then I'm like, my art speaks for itself. It's like, now you're just kind of an idiot who was hung over on a plane and thought you were gonna pass gas and it got liquidy. You're at number 25. You're a very independent person. You strongly agree. Nice.

You go on the road as a comedian. You realize very quickly that you can, it's scary how independent I am. Number 26, getting into the Steve Berg territory. You believe in ghosts. I'll say somewhat agree just because I'm not gonna close the door on anything and they'd walk right there what I don't believe in is the Show ghost hunters, okay You're number 27. You're almost never late for things. That's a strong agree. I I really hate being late

28 you cry at least once a week. That is not true. That is a strongly disagree. I really hate being late. 28. You cry at least once a week. That is not true. That is a strongly disagree. Wow. Okay. I don't. I know a lot of people struggle, so I don't want to be bragging about how I don't cry

weekly, but I don't. We might need to change that later. Okay, sure. Number 29, knowing that you wouldn't get caught, you'd rob a bank. I don't even understand how there's any other option than strongly agree. What are we talking about? You're telling me I should feel some sort of moral, like there should be morality involved in me going into a Chase bank and taking millions of dollars right out of Jamie Dimon's ass?

If you're not going to get caught, I don't understand. A follow-up. What would you say? If you weren't- I-up. What would you say you would you would you if you weren't if I I never rob I would never if you're not gonna get caught and you're going in a Bank of America I'll go as far as to say it's an injustice to not go in there and do it Number 30 follow up shit The final question is a follow-up to the robbing the bank question finally if you did rob that bank

You would donate most of the money to charity. Well, first of all, I'm going in there with that in my head. I'm going in there going, most of this goes to the kids who need it. But then I'm starting on, as the drive home, I'm starting to go, yeah, I mean, you know, like boats are, a boat could be nice. We're stretching most. Yeah, I'm like, oh, tile, like a new tile job would be, like I'm doing that. Backsplash. I would, I'm gonna go with a somewhat agree because I definitely, that would be my way to find

the moral forgiveness around that. Wow, congratulations. You are Mulan and Ursula. What is this? You're an equal combination of Mulan from Mulan and Ursula from The Little Mermaid. What quiz is this? You're underestimated, a little misunderstood, and incredibly determined.

You may be a little clumsy and awkward, but that's... I'm Ursulan? You're Ursulan. So that's actually great for the show. I don't understand... Look at the two-face that got split right down the middle. What is happening? I feel so misled.

Oh, sorry. I should have clarified. they got split right down the middle. What is happening? I feel so misled. What a waste. Oh, sorry, I should have clarified. This was a quiz for what Disney villain or princess you are. But I think that's actually better than a personality test. This is the dumbest ending to anything that's ever happened. And I'm remembering everything. You're welcome.

Hey, Dollop fans. I know you love the dollop. You love listening to the dollop. Do you want to watch the dollop? You're like, Gareth, what are you talking about? By the way, it's not Gary, it's Gareth. Well, we have partnered with Lakeside Animation and we are starting to animate some of our episodes. So if you want to go watch a five-partner animation, which is actually like a 22-minute episode or 30- 30 minute episode I can't remember of the Rube you can go to Lakeside animation on YouTube and watch a really awesome animation of the Rube it it really genuinely kicks ass and we're

very proud of it and the more you share it the more you give it to people the more you follow Lakeside all that stuff the better chance we have of making a lot more of them we're already making a second one, so go there and watch the Rube. Well, Kevin, you know, one of the things that we've talked about doing on here and that I think could be good is, you know, having people lay bare confessions to things that have maybe been eating away at them for a while.

You know, I think that a lot of times if you want to tell someone something and it will, it'll just eat you alive. And then you tell the person and the person is like, I don't care, I don't remember, whatever. So I have one of those that I wanted to do today. And it's something that I don't know why I remember it, just because I think it's kind of funny, but I also think it's crazy. And I also think, I look back and I go, how did I have that instinct to kind of lie at like 11 years old. So this is the story and then we're gonna,

then we're actually, I'm gonna reveal this to the other person implicated in this story, whose name is Jim. So I went to school with the person we're gonna bring on from like kindergarten to I don't remember what age but you know you know how it was when you were like a kid and the sleepover was it if you it was like the you know the core friends the sleepover the peak the P is the top 15 before the MySpace 8, before you felt the love online. It was old fashioned. Were you in or were you out? It really was the groomsmen and bridal party of childhood.

You know, were you a cusper? And sometimes, did you ever have this where they would do the big party and then you'd cull the herd down to the Elite Eight and you'd either get in or you'd be cut and you'd be like I can't believe I didn't make it. So okay so this this you know it was very normal for the sleep the slumber party the birthday slumber party and I got invited to a kid's slumber party and I'll never forget it. I'm aging myself, but the guy whose birthday party it was, his name was Alex. And that night we went and saw Back

to the Future 3. It had just come out. So this is the 40s. Back to the Future 3 had just come out. And we just went and saw it. You saw Michael J. Fox's ass. Michael J. Fox was my hero as a kid. I wanted to be Michael J. Fox. Things were good. And Alex, for his birthday, he had the idea that we would do like a tent slumber party. So it'd be three kids to a tent in a yard, in his yard. So probably, probably seven tents, you know, six, seven tents, two to three kids in a tent. And so I'm in a tent with, I don't remember the third person, but I'm next to a guy named Jim. And I'm in the tent, and we go to bed in the tent in the yard.

And if I say tent, I think the word tent has lost all meaning at this point. I can't believe I'm gonna have to say it again. But I'm sitting there, sleeping. I was laying down, I'll be honest, I wasn't sitting there. And I wake up three in the morning and you know when you just know you're gonna barf. And I woke up at three in the morning and I was like, I am gonna heave. And I had no time to figure out what to do. I mean again, I'm 11 years old or something. And Jim is

fast asleep next to me and I'm in a tent. So I make a quick decision to avoid my sleeping bag and and yarf all over my stuff and I just spout all of it on Jim. The kid who's my age next to me. All over his sleep. I mean, and one of the ones where I don't know why Kid Puke was always pink. Shot it, projectiled it, all fucking pinked Jim's sleeping bag. Just, and you know, there was residual, there was shrapnel, some hit the side of the tent, whoever the third kid was, he got tagged a little bit too, some was on mine, but I just emptied myself. And then there's a beat where I'm like, oh my gosh, it's just like, you know, just like

dripping in the cave. And I start to see Jim rouse, wake up. And I just, it really is not good that my instinct was this at this young, but I just go lay down and pretend you're sleeping. And so I lay down and pretend that I'm sleeping and then listen to Jim wake up. And Jim, I just hear Jim like,

oh, oh no. You know, oh no. And then like the third kid is like, what? Oh, Jim. And I kind of, I'm like, oh, oh, what is that? Puke? Like I kind of like sell, you know, I do the sell. I'm like, oh man, it's mostly on Jims, he must have puked. And he's like, yeah, I threw up everywhere. He's just such a nice guy, right? I threw up everywhere and I let him believe it. And then word spreads, the parents come out, like they're the medics, they exhumed us out of the tent, they see what's happened.

Jim, considered terribly ill, is taken to the house for a showering, you know? And I do think he was kind of like, I feel okay, you know? Meanwhile, I'm dying. Like I'm pale as shit, I'm like, ugh. And so they take him into the house and then I don't know what we did, we probably went into the house too,

but I felt horrible. But Jim's getting the VIP treatment, you know, showered all that stuff. So, so my confession is I want to tell this guy, Jim, we Burns found him and I've just have thought about this for a long time and I thought if we could find him I may as well tell him what happened. I doubt he even remembers it so I think it's just worth me revealing to Jim what I did and see what he thinks and I'm hoping he's gonna just be like I don't care but who knows so we should probably we have him so why don't we bring him in? All right he's in the waiting room now gonna have him join. Jim! Hi how's it going? Are you there? Yeah! How are you? Good! You look the same! I haven't aged. You look the exact same! What a great head of

hair good for you. Well Jim we're already kind of into this because I've already told them this story. I know you have you have nerves about this because you do know it's a confession. I'm about to assuage all your fears because you'll see that this is not the biggest deal, but it is it is interesting. First of all, thank you for doing this. but it is interesting. First of all, thank you for doing this. Of course. And I'm glad we can finally reconnect. And I'm assuming our friendship will hold through what I'm about to tell you. Are you ready? How are you feeling?

Good. Good. Nervous? Not too nervous, but... Yeah. All right. Well, let's get into it. So, Jim, this takes place at a slumber party. I'm going to estimate that we're probably about 11 years old. Now, I'll say whose party it was, but maybe we'll bleep that out.

This is a** slumber party. Okay. Yep. Now, let me just start there. Do you have any recollection of this event? And if memory serves you were popular, you probably did a lot of slumber parties. Did he pee in his bed? Maybe. Well, that could be a side story. Okay. No, no, I don't. I. Okay. I don't remember really the slumber party or. Here's the event. The slumber party, we all go to see back to the future three.

That's the start. Yeah. So we all go see back to the future three. Obviously we didn't really have good discernment as far as what was the best and worst back to the future. In retrospect, now we know the weakest of the three without a question. But we loved it. Now, we must have eaten something at the movie theater or at Alex's house, but that's going to come back into a play in a second. Now what happened was they had the idea, Alex's family had the idea that we were going to

do the slumber party in the yard. And even thinking about this now, this is pretty genius from parents. It was going to be tents in the yard. So we were going to do like a faux camping out in Alex's yard. And you and I ended up in a three person tent. I don't know who the third person is, but they're pretty irrelevant, but your key to this. Okay. Now, so we're in sleeping bags, three to a tent. Okay.

And you're in the middle. It's me, you, our forgettable third friend in this scenario. Yeah. Everything's fine. It's a fine event. Everybody's happy. We go to bed. Everything's normal.

But Jim, at around 3 a.m., I wake up and my stomach is off. Something's rotten. Now, again, I'm 11. You're a parent, correct? Yeah. So, you know, the fuse is different when you get older. You have a little better lead time. You're more familiar with

your puke body. I just, I'm trapped in a tent and there's very little time. And my little 11 year old brain decides, I'm not going to throw up all over my sleeping bag. I'm going to do it all over you who's next to me. And so I just fucking fire hydrant all over your sleeping bag. Now this is what I was just saying to them before this. Some of it, you know, probably hit the third kid and I probably had some too, but I mean 90% was rocketed at you on your sleeping bag and then then it's out. I mean, it's out very quickly.

And then you who just got eight pounds of childhood partially digested pink slime on you, you start to wake up. Now, this is where you learn that I have the mind of a psychopath, because I in a quick decision go pretend you're asleep. And so I lay down and I, you know, I mean, I just threw up so and I just closed my little eyes and then you, as you wake up, you just go, oh no. And then the third kid wakes up and he goes, oh my God, Jim, you threw up all over the place and you go, oh I think I did, and I go, oh Jim, that's horrible, that's disgusting, and then whatever we do, we get the parents out there, they take us all

out, like we're the infirm tent. They probably hose the tent down. You get taken to the main room, you're bathed, you're cared for, you're comforted. But myself, who's still very sick from some sort of bug or something, I'm like downstairs sleeping on a couch with this third kid, you're cleaned up, you're all that, everything, then we go to bed. And that is my confession. Now, I will say a quick addendum, just for comedy's sake, is the next morning they were making waffles for everybody. And we're all in the kitchen area, and you're housing waffles. And

everyone's going, boy, Jim is back. Like, look at Jim, he's like the comeback kid meanwhile I am like sneaking off like a bulimic to go barf in the bathroom and I'm not eating any waffles and they're starting to go maybe Gareth caught what Jim had meanwhile I'm patient zero just going like yeah maybe I did and then and then I just thought about I've thought about it forever. The crazy decision-making and now do you remember this at all? Not really. I kind of, I kind of remember sleeping outside

but I don't remember the puking as vividly. To be fair, you really shouldn't. Yeah. Because it was, you were framed. Yeah. You were, you are framed. Yeah. So that is my confession. I, and now you probably in your head thought this was going to be a lot bigger than it was, but I did throw up all over you, and I'm, I had you on today because I wanted to ask for your forgiveness if you will bestow it upon me. And I'll make you a goddamn promise. If you and I are ever in the same space sleeping and I throw up on you, I'm going to tell

you what I've done. And I expect the same courtesy from you, but if I didn't get it, it would be karmically fair. Absolutely. I think that I probably was so happy to be with a good group of guys that like stuff was probably just like, yeah, gross. All right. Well, what are we doing next? I hope this doesn't impact anything in my life other than I hope I still get those

waffles or I hope I like, it was probably like you, you were housing waffles. I do remember that. I remember that. I remember that. I remember that. I remember that. I remember that. I remember that. I hope this doesn't impact anything in my life other than, I hope I still get those waffles or I hope I like, it was probably like- You were housing waffles. I do remember everyone was like, wow, Jim's back.

I have a low tolerance for like getting grossed out. You do? Well, then I saved you some. I mean, it's a much different experience if you were to see that I was the one who puked. I mean, it is a terrible thing that I did. But my only defense is that I was 11, and I guess I am a little bit of like... I'm a scoundrel. But that's it. That's it. I just wanted to... I unburden myself once again upon you. I'm glad you were able to unload that and fully process that issue that's been haunting you.

I certainly never thought anything but good things about Gareth and his shining personality all the time. Never would have associated you with any deceit or whatever. Well, look, I mean, you know, we saw Back to the Future 3 that night, and this is kind of a let down time travel adventure of our own. So that seems fairly fitting. I love it.

Well, that's it, Jim. Well, let's text, keep in touch, and thank you again for being on the show and allowing me to confess this to you. It's my pleasure. Thanks so much. I hope you can use this and enjoy it. Yes. I'm available anytime. Thank you so much. I'll think if there's anything else I've done to you wrong, but hopefully that's it.

All right, Jim. Thank you, bud. All right. Appreciate it. All right. Thanks again. Bye. Bye. Next we have is hosted by Gareth Reynolds, the show's producer, or Kevin Bartelt and Alex Burns, and the podcast is engineered and edited by Kevin Bartelt. The associate producer is Bye.