The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - The Past Times with David Rodriguez

Episode Date: May 15, 2026

Dave Anthony reads a paper to co-host Gareth Reynolds plus comedian and The Fort Comedy Club owner David RodriguezSOURCESTOUR DATESOFFICIAL MERCHSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Garrett the Delap was also brought to you by Square. Oh, buddy boy. Square space, all in one website platform. It's going to help you stand out and succeed online. It's a matter if you just start now, if you're trying to scale up your business, whatever you're doing, Squarespace gives you everything you need. Claim your domain, showcase your offerings with a personal, professional website or a professional website. By the way, bring your brand. Get paid.

Every time I've claimed a domain, I do say it like I've just taken over a palace in the 1400s. So I'll be like, this domain is mine. Yeah, I don't know if that's a thing that actually works. I would say once you get one through Squarespace, they make it easy. But then when you get it, you can do stuff like that. I don't think I, I don't think what I'm saying is unhelpful. I think it is. Squarespace gives you everything you need to offer services and get paid right in the same place. From consultants to events and experiences, showcase shopping. You're smiling a little bit because you know what I said is kind of helpful. Customizable. website designed to attract clients and grow your business? I'm not. I'm not. I'm smiling.

And then like if someone claims mine, I go, hey, I've taken mine. Oh, me. Get paid on time with professional on-branded invoices and online payments. Don't forget SEO tools. Don't make me do it. Don't make me do it. We have all of our websites with Squarespace. Every website. I just started a website for my movie. Guess what I did it through, Dave? Squarespace. There you go. All you're going to use. We have, you go to dollpodcast.com right now and go to our tour page. You can see our tour of the East Coast in March. Go to the merch site. It's no longer available, but it was.

We were able to shut it down easily. Squarespace makes that easy for you. Yeah, if you have a guy that's not putting out merch, then you've got to take down the merch page. It's an issue for the merch page. That's a user issue. Yeah. So check out Squarespace.com slash doll for a free trial.

And when you're ready to launch, use offer code dollup to save 10% off your first. purchase of a website or domain. That's Squarespace.com slash dollop for a free trial, and when you're ready to launch, use Hovercode Dollop to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. As domain is mine. Welcome to the pastimes. It's a podcast. Someone's finally doing it. You know what we do here. Each week, we go through a newspaper from a random date in history picked out by none other than Dave Anthony. I, Gareth Reynolds, have never seen it, and neither has this week's guest, the great D-Rodd, David Rodriguez. Hi, David. What's a good guest? Shut up.

Hello. How are you, buddy? Hi. Oh, I'm doing good. Doing good. You have a serious man's beard. Like, your beard is, it's legit. Where do we start with our guest, David Rodriguez, comedian, but also owner.

manager of without question. The best waffle house in America. Shut up. A top five comedy club in the country. I mean, people do love it. Everyone I talked to loves it. The comedy fort in Fort Collins is top notch.

And the last time or maybe two times ago I was on stage and I was like, the guy who runs this place is a former comedian and he was like, I still do comedy. I was like, no, but you're, yeah. I used to too, and I still do. Yeah, but I was like, I really was giving like a heartfelt, like, this is an awesome place. They're like, I'm still a stand-up. I was like, I'm so sorry. But truly, David, I mean, you have just created like one of the greatest places.

It's just we get it. You want to work there again. I work there every August. There's no, what I want is my picture on the wall. But there's no, there's no ass kissing other than. You're going to have your picture on the wall. You're going to have. No.

We're going to have like Gareth Reynolds Day in Fort Collins. Like he's in with the past mayor, the current mayor, all future mayors. This is true. This is all true. What are you doing? This is what I do when you're not around. I know, but it's disturbing. It's awesome.

Well, David, thank you for joining us. And it's snowing in Colorado on Cinco de Mayo. Is that okay? It is currently snowing large clump flakes and making everything. take 15 to 20% longer than anticipated. I think we were driving through on tour, and I honestly think we saw snow like June 1st. Like we were up in the mountains a little bit,

but I definitely... Are we all going to die, David? I just remember it's my... Well, I mean, eventually. You promise? No, but we're talking like... In the next 12 years. Okay.

Yeah, 12 years feels right. Yeah. 12 years, yeah, just three more terms. Jesus. I swear to God, he's going to live longer than me. David, you know what we do here. You often text me how much you love this show, as does every guest. We're going to go through an old stinky newspaper, and an old stinky man's going to read it to us.

What the fuck is your problem? I'm having some fun. Lighten up. This is the show. I'm like a nice guy. But David, you get first guess at what year this paper is going to be from. It could be 1800s. It could be 1700s.

Could be 1900s. Could be 2100s. Well, I mean, you said it's paper, so it's got to be ancient. So we're talking pre-200-2010. I think that's safe. Yeah, that's safe. I think that's safe. I tried to, I tried to, my only recent interaction with a newspaper is we're trying to change my son's last name.

We're trying to like update it. And you still have to go through. You have to like publish it in a newspaper. Really? What? Are you trying to get rid of them? Like why are you changing your last name? There's a lot of questions.

You're trying to. Is you going to come home? Is he going to come home? You just you have to publish this name change in a newspaper. And I tried to go to the newspaper office here in Fort Collins. And it was boarded up. It was like, no, they don't exist. They should probably change that law.

I cannot believe that. That feels like printing press shit. What is the point of that? Can't you just take an electric bill? What happened to that? That felt like that was where we landed on that. Yeah. This is just like step one of like 12.

What's the article? We've been trying to do it since he was born. It was just literally you have to like pay to say like this person is changing their name. And it's like you have to run it for three days and then you have to take it back to the court and they have to stamp it. Let me guess. Then he's competing in women's sports. It's a whole. And we don't even get into that stuff here.

But I'll tell you what? Yeah. You know what I mean? No. I'm just saying keep, you know what I mean? I don't want to poop next to a woman. All right, David. go ahead with your guest.

I just love the idea of his kid coming home one day and they're like, sorry, your last name's Tompkins now. You don't live here. You don't live here. That's the move. Yeah, we're changing it to Tompkins. That's right. That was one of the stipulations of booking the pod,

as Preston told me, I had to change my kid's last name to Tompkins. Yeah, I mean, that's worth it. No, we, we, yeah, this is a lofty booking. A lot of people don't understand the, we're like the, Rumpel-stilled skin of riders. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. So far worth it.

That'll change. All right. Ninth, 1900 even. Great. Wow, very nice. Clean. Clean.

How are you going to fuck it up? 1888. Wrong. It's 1951. Okay, he wins. He wins for his career. I'm very happy for him. Are you?

Yes, I am. Usually, Gareth yells when the person, Yeah, I'm the one who, yeah, I'm the one who's known for yelling. It's very uncomfortable. Yeah. The Arizona Republic, the state's greatest newspaper is what it says. David's from Arizona.

Phoenix, Arizona. Are you from Phoenix? Yeah, yeah. Oh, I went to Arizona State and lived there for a while. Okay. September 24th, 1951. Wait, is that a five? Oh, wow.

I might not be out yet. It's a five. It's a five. 1551. 1551. Boom. That'd be awesome. Boy to change name.

I mean, the earliest one we did was like 1611 or something. We did like a 1611 with Adam Con over and very quickly the stakes were removed because Adam was like, I think that's also invented. And we're like, hey, all right, man. Just play along a little bit more in the zone of the idea, okay? That's what David Cross did when we had him on the dollop. He's like, yeah, I don't believe this. Yeah.

The whole time he's like, this didn't happen. groom flabbergast's wedding with no wow great great start did you see the I don't know what game it was at was that a baseball game the other day and a guy asked a woman

to marry him with the camera on him and she didn't she was just like I don't get the idea well I guess my same note on this would be why the public I don't know you know what I mean it really Public proposal is crazy. Yeah, no, I agree because I've definitely seen a few that have,

she's been like, no. Yeah. And then you're on camera and it's like, okay. I think it is you're trying to box her. Boxer in. Yeah, boxer in. Yeah, boxer. Well, this one didn't go well.

Yeah, it's got to be. Because if you're going public without knowing for sure what the answer is, that's a crazy move. Well, you definitely have to have, you have to have the conversation. Yeah, if you're going to do that, you have to have the conversation. But there are people now whose job it is to, like, kind of stow away. for the proposal, like on a hike, and then they kind of pop out.

Did I ever tell you what happened when I proposed? She made the biggest mistake of her life. We were on top of Mount Tama Pius, because that's where I used to go and do mushrooms, so why not ask someone to marry you there? Sure. And it's in the middle of nowhere. You can oversee San Francisco and stuff.

So I get on the, I propose, and she says yes, and then all of a sudden we hear a guitar. And there's this dude who just happened to be up. Wow. Who just happened to be upset with his guitar? Slash. And he just starts playing. Wow.

Wow. Good Lord. She's like, did you pay that guy? I'm like, I have no idea. Absolutely, I did. You're 100% right. Absolutely. Yeah, 100%.

The waiting for the ceremony to say no is a very, very strange shade on a human. I get it. I get it. Yeah, I get it. This is out of Italy. Trust me. I tell my wife this all the time. I should have said no.

No. She gets it. a bridegroom said no at the altar Sunday and almost broke up the wedding ceremony. Almost. I would say that is breaking up a wedding ceremony. Yeah, it's very close. Hey, first, this is what you do.

No, let's party! The priest. I don't get paid until a bouquet gets a tossed, huh? We're going to keep it going. Just the best man stepped away. It's like that Seinfeld bit where they're talking about, they're all dressed the same, you know, the best man, he just steps in in case.

He's just, I'll do it. I would love to a fucker. What? I would like to a fucker. Okay. I'm willing to enter this. Everybody in Arizona in the 50s were Italian, and this is a known document in fact. That's correct.

The impression is accurate. That's right. Where Phoenix comes from. Tucson. I mean, come on. Yeah. The most Italian name ever. He was Sonte.

Tuscene. Ah. Yeah. He was Sante. I, Sylvestero stunned relatives of the bride, Palmyra Rangone, persuaded him to change his mind and the ceremony was finally performed. Oh, what the fuck? No, no, no, no, no, Sante, what are you doing?

That is even, that bride, that's terrible. You like a spas in me, boy? Shut up. What? That's terrible. Please. We all dressed up. Yeah.

Do I, she's like, yeah, do I have to remind you who my family is? Oh, yes. You're sure you want to do that? I'm very excited. I mean, honestly, it's just the level. What an absolutely gutting ceremony. The balls you have to have, first of all. He's going to do it.

We talk to him. He'll do it. He's not in love, but we'll get through today. The amount of courage you have to have to say no at that moment is huge. And then they talk you back. So you did your big thing. Yeah. And then they're like, no, you don't have mean of that.

He's on a condensed timeline. Because that's what happens with breakups where you're like, this is what I want to do. And then three hours later, you're like, what the, I need her. I needed her. Sante explained he gave his no answer to win a bet he made with friends the night before. This is a while. That's a lie.

That part's the lie. The night before. Yeah, yeah. That's what, Bachelor party? What is that? Well, that's like rehearsal dinner. That's where it's like, it's all solidified. You know what it would be funny, Sante.

Is it if you go No If you go to You go no And then yeah A kid to make it Interesting Papagione

You want to give your Gnona heart attack She flew Halfway across the world All the way To Arizona That's I

I would My first Like Acting job And I'm air quoting When I got to LA Was I was on a show Called the Real Wedding Crashers

And so you would fucking pull pranks at weddings. And it was absolutely a train wreck of a show and an experience. And every wedding ended the same after the reveal. There was not like, oh, wow, what was so funny? It was people who were like, we flew from Australia. We flew from Australia.

And you've absolutely ruined what should have been a magical die. That was, that was, that was, my sister, my sister's husband is Australian and I met his entire family and that is that I can confirm that impression as uh that's accurate see that because I because I performed the ceremony and they said that to me almost word for word the precks they're like are we even being filmed David no we're not no no I'm sorry uh burning trash bad habit hmm a letter from Finley Peter Dunn in an adjacent column calls attention to an offensive, annoying, and sometimes illegal practice,

which both city and county authorities are seeking to stamp out in the vicinity of Phoenix. Wow. You're patting when you say vicinity of Phoenix. You could just say Phoenix. I mean, Phoenix, well, David, how, I mean, has it gotten better? Every time I go to Phoenix, I feel like trash burning is still very possible there. It's indiscernible from the normal smell or general, you know.

It's really... Of the region. Yeah. The heat does the... I mean, eventually God's going to start burning the trash in Phoenix without the... Well, that hasn't started. If you just set it outside for too long, it will combust. So there's really...

Is it not the worst... I think it is the worst climate in America. Maybe Vegas has it be, but every time I go there... Palm Springs is pretty bad. But there's something about Phoenix where it's so bad. I don't know if there's anything. It's so humid. I don't know if there's any difference between Phoenix and Vegas on that.

Maybe. I don't know. Every time I go there and then the people always do the dry heat thing. It's dry. Oh, it's a dry heat. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you just don't go outside.

Everything is just air condition. It's a weird, but that's bad. That's a bad. The first time I went out. It's not a. The first time. It is bad. My wife's mom was living there for a little while, and I just remember going there.

And it was the first time, like, I'd gone there, but I'd always been, like, in the city. And then now I was out in the suburbs. And I was just like, oh, God, there's no, there's no lawns. And the kids really don't have anything to play on because it's just all rocks out of your yard. Like, the whole thing I was like, how could you be a kid there? Every park, every park jungle gym is like just the most intense, blistering hot, scalding metal possible. If you don't do the marque bars right, you fall on a bed of stone. steaming rock.

It's like a Tony Robbins course. Yeah, your hand gets burned like Joe Pesci and home along when he grabs the doorknob every time. He's like trying to hang on. And then asphalt is hot. You can't win. You can't go outside of that.

Well, then their solution is like every 30 feet, there's a little mister. You're like, we're dying. But there's a mister on your way to the crab restaurant. Okay, so this is the habit of burning trash, especially wet or ill-smelling refuse. I love, okay, so this is why I disagree with. I love burning wet trash. How you were getting a nice pile of wet trash?

You just set that on fire. That's tough to do. You can't do that. Well, once you do it, you will never forget it. Oh, man, it's great. Good Lord. Wet trash. Burning the wet garbage. Phoenix.

rising from the wet ashes like a Phoenix. Except on special occasions and then by permission of the police department, there is really little excuse. Officer, can I burn my dumpster? May I burn my trash? Excuse me. We're having a nice wedding. We got to burn some wet garbage.

That is the Arizona tradition. No, no, the weddings are off. Just said a no. Yeah, the groom's the one writing the letter in a passive-aggressive. He's like, no, I don't respect my wife's trash burning traditions. This was when... So we had a... When I was growing up, we had a ranch.

You had a ranch? Our family had a ranch, yeah. Oh, yeah, right, right. And they would burn the trash. Like, that was common out there. And they'd do it in a barrel. There was like a trash burning barrel. Sure, right.

So I could see how it could be wet. I'm still not following the wet part. Why? Because it's in a barrel? little bit or, you know, whatever, it's wet. Where I grew up, fire and water were not, they were not bedfellows. Well, you're not a, you're not a West Coast guy. Wow.

Our range is a little bit different out here. Cool guy. The guitar player just, it's a dry, garbage. Whoa, whoa, whoa. It's a dry wet. Got knocked over his mic. It's a dry, it's a kid. It only sounded like something terrible happened.

I've got a pretty, I got a pretty precarious, uh, set up here. I'm wearing my daughters. My daughter's headphones, this mic that I like plugged into several adapters to get into my laptop. Preston before I was like, he's two minutes away. I know where David is.

He's in the green room at the comedy fort. Best club in the country. I've moved it up. It's number one. How about that? NBA jam right before we walk on stage. Let's party. Number one club in northern Colorado.

That is us. No, no, no, no. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. All right, we can include Southern Wyoming. Thank you. Yeah, where there's no club, if memory serves. Right. Yeah. What an honor. And most of Montana, I guess.

Yeah, no, it really is. It's weird. We'll just keep, you have to go pretty far north to hit another comedy club. It's pretty smart. Billings? Yeah, you know, if you headline at that company club, they give you top billings. Come on. It's no. In the county, the health department. You can feel the glare.

All right, okay. Yeah, no, no, that was painful to go through. No doubt. In the county, the health department regulation governing the burning of trash states that this must be done between 2 and 4 p.m. That's weird. Why? Daylight. Get it when everyone's out there.

It's just so weird. Yeah, it's the right time. Why do you want everyone burning it once? Well, you know, I'll get it over with. It's like a band-aid. It's just like smog. It's like a wet band-a-dain. Yeah.

Dumb. Yeah, I like that. Yeah, the time of day when the most. children are on the dangerous playgrounds. Yeah. Yes. When the kids are getting dropped off, yes. You want to heat the rocks.

Heat the area. Kids are going down slides. Black's home. This is the 50s. They're probably the ones that are going to get that done. That's part of their chores. Well, children are God's filters. So I think get that, get that bad air in the kids and then get the good air, you know, out.

How does it come out of them? Huh? How does it come out of them? True to mouth. Private contractors will pick up trash Outside the city for a dollar or two a month But some householders prefer to burn it Wow

Perhaps the hours for burning are responsible For night after night The suburban air is thick with smoke from these cities There's a buffer Yes, there's no connection There is no connection but twixt the two Science has spoken When there is no wind this does not blow away for hours

perhaps the county authorities should change the time. I hate to break this to him. It's so funny for someone to be like, the issues, the hours. I mean, it is not great to have everyone do it at the same time, but also like, no, there's a bigger issue. And peak afternoon. What about hauling it off? That costs a dollar. And then dumping it somewhere that'll become a serious problem.

Or two. Or two. Yeah, or two. I don't know what the difference is. This is pretty soaking. That's going to be $2. Why are you guys wetting your trash so much? You're like the hottest city in America.

It's dry and so it costs more because they got to soak it themselves. Well, it's really wet when I hold it and then they go, well, it's a really dry trash. You're like, eh, it's all the misters. And the misses. Oh, sweet baby Dave, listen, you know how news is. We're basically a news show and it's overwhelming.

Yeah. But this is different. News is nonstop. It's coming at you all the time. You know what it's like living in this day and age. I do. I live here. One hour, you're talking about one thing, the next hour. You've completely forgotten about that thing because your brain cannot catch up.

You know, we need, Gareth? Say it. A podcast. Yes. That is not panic-inducing. It slows things down. Yes. I'm talking about stateside with Kai and-

Carter. That's exactly what I was going to say. It's a Guardian podcast. Stateside with Kai and Carter airs three times per week because there's always something to discuss. Kai and Carter get access to the Guardian's resources in the U.S. and reporters around the world, and David, they deliver the most relevant information right to you. We should say it's journalists, Kai Wright, and Carter Sherman.

But we're talking global content across news, international coverage, climate, culture, sports, lifestyle, fashion, wellness. And they're not a billionaire owned over there at The Guardian, Dave, which is something you and I can get behind. I like that. So, Kai and Carter wrestle with all the questions we have, what's going on in the world. So listen wherever you get your podcasts or watch on YouTube. State Side with Kai and Carter.

Rooney's third spouse calls quits. Granted. Shit. Tough. This is a story from Hollywood. Of course. Mickey Rooney's third. Oh, this is different newspaper.

Still. Mickey Rooney. He was the, he was tiny. Wasn't he like a dick? I can't remember. I feel like he was a dick. Didn't he do the original Nutty Professor, which is the. like most racist

Oh no he definitely did a movie where he had like Asian eye Yeah and the T it's real bad It's real bad Real bad And then like on set he was like Nobody's ever gonna care about this right And everyone was like Mickey baby it's gold This is gonna age phenomenally

Do you remember he played the guy with Down syndrome In another movie? No what the fuck? I think he was the OG go for a big award By playing someone with Downs Oh God Yeah yeah he did I think he did

I think the movie's name was Bill and he was a... The titles somehow offensive. Yeah, pretty cool. Stop saying downs. Calling it downs. Is that because you're a right-wing comedian, you want me to use the R-word? Just throw it around.

David, David, you run a phenomenal club. Where do you stand on that the R-word? I know you're very pro. By the way, I'm looking at the poster for Bill. Yep, thanks for having me on. I do have to... David. It's not liable for any sort of commentary.

David. David. David, how's your podcast Kill David going? I'm looking at the poster for Bill and it's a fucking war crime. Explain it. A war which was still fresh in the world's mind at the time.

That's right, yeah. So it's a different time. To be clear, I said award crime. I mean, this thing deserved them all. Oh, there we go. No, it's just you could tell what's happening. Go ahead, explain that more? I'm not. I'm not going to fall into your little weird trap.

Why? Because I don't want to talk about it. It was a different time. Be like, yeah, it was different. It was a much worse time. Yeah, it was, yes, yeah. Are his eyes like Sidney's Sweeney's? His eyes like Sydney Sweeney's.

What was that mean? I'm saying, she's got to look about her. What are you talking about? Mickey Rudy's third? What hell happened? I think I know what I, if you put together what I said, it's pretty obvious. This is all about American Eagle. Yeah.

Always is. Mickey Rooney's third wife, actress Martha Vickers. You can't marry someone named Vickers. It's crazy. Let's have a look at her. Got a divorce Monday from the pint-sized actor on testament. Pines-sized actor? Oh, she was beautiful.

There you go. Oh, Vickers was beautiful. Vickers was beautiful. From the pint-sized actor on testimony, he spent most of their married life away from home. I don't think I saw him more than one or two nights a week. Miss Vickers told the judge. That's a benefit.

Then he would just walk back into the house like nothing had happened and asked for his dinner. Oh. Well, yeah, he's a fucking bro. Like this is what, this is like the ultimate 50s relationship. Well, he was probably like,

he was probably hanging out, he was hanging out with Sinatra every now and then and he was like, that's how we do it. I was like, look, you're kind of tiny and strange. You don't get the synchering. He's madmaning his home wife. Which, by the way,

When you watch an episode of Mad Men, you're like, ah, man, it must have been nice to be in an era with no conscience. Oh, shit, she was hot. Yeah, Jesus. Relax over there. Yeah. She's dead. Doesn't matter to me. Jesus.

Mickey Rooney's only allowed to burn his ex-wives from two to four. The 25-year-old actress described Rooney as having a very bad temper when anyone disagreed with him. I love tiny guys with bad tempers. Like, remember Bagel boss? What the fuck? just happened. David, come on. Remember bagel boss? A little guy in a bagel shop and everyone was like, what? He was, he just had major bag, he, like, was in a bagel shop and someone, like,

filmed him. It's like 10 years ago. Is a video? Yeah. And then he was like, then he was like in a celebrity boxing match. He went through, it was like, he had like the hawk to a trajectory without the podcast. He had a year where you were like, man, bagel boss is everywhere. Now you're like, you hear bagel bus in an asylum. He's not doing too good. We were like that, of course. He's gone, isn't she? Who? The Haktua. Haktua, yeah.

So after the crypto thing happened, she just vanished. That was a true 15 minutes. That was a little bit of time. It was honestly. I hope she made a lot of money. She didn't. She didn't. No.

But she's friends of Whitney Cummings, and you can't put a price tag on that. Somebody made money off of her, and then that's it. Oh, yeah. There was some guy named Dragon who was like, that was awesome. I sucked her soul and now I have another boat. I was like, cool, dude. This woman is literally, you've taken everything out of her. I mean, they really used her up and spit her out.

It was tough to watch. Yeah. While it was even happening. Because she seemed like a nice person. Yeah, what noise did they make when they spit her out, do you think? I mean, that would be the reporter. And at the end of the day, she was hawked to it. Andy Kilbourne, Channel 9, Ann Arbor.

Fuck, man. Rooney did not contest the divorce and previously had entered into a property agreement, which the court approved. Under the terms of the settlement, Ms. Vickers will see $2,000 a month in alimony. Pretty good. Scaling down to $300 a month by $1959. So eight years. So it's going to scale down.

That's not that great. Yeah, but that's a great. years. I mean, they probably weren't married that long because... Yeah, because he's... He can't be that old. Seems insufferable. Yeah, he seems insufferable. Yeah. He seems like a nightmare. The little actor, I love... I love... I can't expect him to have a good mood.

He's taking shots from the press, even in the little head. They called him a pint size. Yeah. I'd be pissed too. It actually, it makes you kind of maybe have an insight into why he was like into appropriation because he was just like, yeah, You're supposed to just make fun of whatever someone looks like, like the media and everyone is just like,

eh, the little squirrel boy, the chipmunk of a man. A lot of us didn't realize Rooney had a penis until his third wife. He was five foot one, five foot two. Five foot two. That's bagel box size. But he was a leading man from 39 to 41. He was a big. Two years of all his piece.

That's a bagel. That's just a bagel bite. That is a bagel bite. Apparently his height made it difficult for him to land traditional adult leading roles. Oh, really? Yeah, no shit. Who would have thought? He couldn't just do the like Stallone where like Stallone when he was filming like Judge Dredd and stuff.

Apparently he was like standing on milk crates to do like the face-to-face. Like they would just goo from shoulder up. He was? That's so funny. I didn't know he was that short too. There is a shot in L.A. Confidential. I'll never forget where you see Danny DeVito very clearly step off an Appleback. He's like talking to Kevin Spacey, and then it looks like he sinks into the floor.

This was bagel. This was the bagel boss. You don't remember him? No, I never seen that. David, you probably can't see it from there, but I'll... The little actor also agreed to pay $150 a month support for their son, Ted Michael, 17 months old. Oh, they had a boy. Miss Fickers retained custody of the child.

Oh, okay. The actress and Rooney were married June 3rd, 1948, so it lasted two years. It's good for Hollywood. She must have already been pregnant? We don't need... Don't share her. Well, the marriage was marked by several separations and reconciliations before Ms. Vickers finally filed a seat for divorce last June, charging Rooney with habitual cruelty and indifference. Runee previously was...

Hibitual indifference. I'm sorry. Cruelty? That's not okay. Habitual indifference is just disinterest, which I believe is legal. That's probably why our podcast is letting it. Sounds like she probably should have seen it coming when they went to get married and he said no at the altar. No. Okay, wait. Rudy was previously married to Ava Gardner and beauty contest winner Betty Jane Rays. See, it just, that is really weird.

I mean, maybe he's got charm. He's probably funny. Well, and you're famous. You're famous. You're famous. But Ava Gardner's famous, too. It was the 50s. He was one of like 12 famous people. Yeah, that's seriously true.

You're probably right. It's not that many. It was like so different. There are like three channels, nine famous people. They were like, he's one of them. He's the little one. You forget just back in like the 90s that there weren't this many famous people. No, it's really, it's real weird.

It's weird to have been in entertainment when the like the absolute shift like this has happened. Yeah. Where now you've just got to sit in your home and be like, hey, you know what I'm so sick of? Traffic jams. I remember I was talking to my roommate in like, honestly like 97 in New York.

And he's an actor and he was like, I want to be like a leading man. And I was like, dude, that's one of like, that's like 10 guys that you're talking about. What about just a working actor? He goes, no, I want to be a leading man. I'm like, it's literally 10 guys. Oh, I fully believed when I moved out here.

I mean, I'd been in theater school and I was like, I'm very good. I moved to L.A. and I was like, I actually think I'm going to pass. And like my agent was like, what? I was like, that's not the kind of career I want to have. Bro, you're doing kids' birthday parties. You might want to lower your standards a little. I was the opposite. When my manager was like, I talked to him about roles and he goes, no, he goes, we're only putting out as a leading man.

And I was like, why? I don't want to do that. That's what I needed. Yeah. Okay, this is a letter to the editor. The people speak. The dirty weed. Hell yeah.

If we want to stop marijuana dope traffic via the cigarette, we must first become aware that the tobacco smoking habit leads to it and all other habits. Maybe one more time just to be clear the thesis. Slippery slope from cigarettes. He's saying we've got to be careful with cigarettes because they lead to weed? Yes. Okay. before me now I have a is potts legal in Colorado right oh yeah are you first state oh yeah really yeah right

yeah yeah but mushrooms legal yeah I feel like yeah but Colorado was the first state and I'll tell you what the there you can really you can do DMT intravenously in Colorado now which fellas I can tell by two blank stairs that we're we're into not doing that but for guys like me that that is giddy up. Oh, I mean, I'm on it right now. David, that explains I took so long for you to get the mic set up. It's like, David will be here in a minute.

He's in a DMT hole right now. You're on the 24-hour DMT drip thing, right? I would love a DMT drip. A little bit too much, I would say, about your reaction. You ever done DMT? No, I'm good. Yeah, you don't get it.

Don't get it. Thank you. I haven't done heroin either. Thank you. Well, I smoked it in high school. Thank you. You ever smell crack? Yep, one time.

Thank you. Did you? Yeah, one time I took two hits. I did too. I didn't do. Everybody's done it one time. Yeah. It's, you need to.

It's college. You need to take two hits of crack to be like, yeah, I don't like this as much as you guys do. Yeah. You get to take one hit to go, that's a bit much. Yeah. It's a bit much. I'd rather Coke. Everybody's had a weird neighbor in Denver that you party with a lot.

little too hard and then they're like, smoke this is a weird weed pipe. It's a, you know, it's a light bulb. You go for it and then you feel a little weird and then light bulb. Now you know.

Oh, you did the light bulb move. That's what happened to me. You went full. You guys went full. No, I was in San Luis Obispo and we were all partying, but this guy that I should not have been party with.

He's like, you know, you should try this. I was like, it's crack. It was a light bulb? I mean, that's what the pipe looks like.

Oh, yeah. And then the guy, the guy in the hills, playing guitar for you again. That's right. And there's a guy playing. No, see, I would say the worst part of two hits of crack is watching the other people

around you on crack. That's when you're like, this is not for me. Yeah, we're not good together. Yeah, we're just like, more crack. You're like, it feels like you guys are really, this is a condensed timeline that I'm not digging. Yeah, before me now. That one tobacco, because that's what it leads to. It was the one tobacco.

It started with that one tobacco. It starts with burning wet trash. Then you're smoking cigarettes, then weed. Then your neighbor in Colorado. You're smoking crack. out of a light bulb. Before me, now I have a clipping from the Saturday

evening post of a big company's cigarette ad. There is a photograph of a baby mind you, and below that a drawing of a woman smoking a cigarette. The caption in big letters before the baby's photograph, quote, before you scold me, mom, maybe you better light up a

so-and-so cigarette. That is a wild ad. I think we can all agree a wild ad. That's crazy. And that's what I was going to say. This guy coming against, you know, rallying against tobacco is already a scorching hot take for the time because this is still like they thought it was good for you. Like back in the 50s.

They did. Yeah. Which was, well, but internally in the tobacco agencies, they were like, oh, God. Oh, God. People's lungs are black. And then publicly they were like, I can't do anything without my chest afield. Did either one even have parents that smoked? Yes.

Do you remember walking into the. room and there would just be a thick layer of smoke in the room? I'm not going to lie, my mother picked smoking back up again from me. So it was kind of a weird one. That's how my death started doing crack again. No, we, when I was like 13 or 14, we all kind of decided my brother, my mother and I decided we were all basically smoking cigarettes and we were just going to smoke in the house and it became pretty fucking weird.

You're the most white trash Wisconsin people ever. Yeah. It was full on wood paneling sitting in there just heaving cigarettes down, sharing ashtrays, pumping smokes off each other. That's insane. That's insane. It was pretty awesome. No, but you would walk into a room of someone who smoked and it would just literally be, you know, on the top half would just be cigarette smoke. Yeah, it's awesome. It was.

Another example, we hear from a juvenile office these words that he sees nothing wrong with a young boy or girl smoking. Another scene, a group of officials in the city judge's office, sentencing several boys and girls under 21 for drinking intoxicating beverages and unconcernedly setting a wonderful example of temperance by puffing away at big cigars and dangling cigarettes. This person is making great points outside of the weed thing. Yeah, it's really crazy. This is all about cigarettes. Yeah, with some tight pros as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. These are tight spirals.

another incident, a priest taking a last puff from a cigarette and tossing it out of the door before he walks up to the platform of a high school auditorium to give a sermon. By the way, that is, I would love that to me is, that's like, you see that in a movie script? You're like, I want to see this scene. Yeah. I like my priest's spoken. That's a Robert Rodriguez moment there. Yeah, right, exactly.

Yeah. Teachers and preachers. It's got a gun under it. You know the deal. Yeah, I do. Teachers and preachers smoking. Teachers and preachers. Mothers smoking before their children and holding their babies in their arms.

Father smoking up milk and grocery money. Did you get any milk? No. I got five. Smoking milk and grocery money is what we call smoking crack. Smoking. I got 19 cards of cigarettes. Smoking that milk and grocery money with your neighbor, Delano.

Delano smoking milk and grocery money. Children smoking on their way to grammar school. Doctors coming to make their house visits, reeking of stale tobacco, surgeons, but I dread to speak of their addiction. Everything he's saying is crazy. It's crazy. Turn the pages of our popular woman's magazines,

ads depicting children with school books under their arms, smoking cigarettes, ads showing beautiful women smoking, but it never tells the truth of these ads, namely that it makes sense. stink. That's true. Completely. Yeah. Did you smoke, David?

Yeah, yeah, I smoked like a pack and a half a day for 10 years. Yeah, I was big into it. And when you quit and you actually start to get the smell of the other smokers that you used to go out with, you're like, oh, my God. Well, you don't know when you are doing it. I don't know. I don't remember when most clubs made it illegal, but like coming back from a comedy club back in, the day, you're, you would your clothes, you would almost have to take off outside. Oh, yeah. They smell like smoke. And then when I started like going on the road,

I would go to places where they still allowed smoking, you'd be like, Jesus Christ. Like it was like, unbelievable, how horrible it was. Did you smoke? Oh, man. A little bit. The last time I was in New York, I had a spot at the stand, like upstairs.

And downstairs, they were doing a Legion of Skanks show. Like a live pod and they do like man on the street stuff and they were all smoking like down downstairs this tiny little I was like whoa it was a like they smoke a lot on that show they really do they do yeah oh yeah they like they I don't know they I still in my head I still go I could do it but I there's no way I used to love fuck I fucking love cigarettes and by the way oh we went to where was it Denmark We went into that bar

and they still love smoking Do you remember that? I don't. We got so hammered in. Is that the hammered night? It's Copenhagen. Yeah. Yeah.

We went into a bar. Well, first we went to a nice restaurant. Lovely restaurant. There's no smoking in the restaurant. David, when you checked into this hotel in Copenhagen, they had a bar. Like, you checked in and they'd offer you beer. Yeah, they had a tap at there.

And we were like, oh my God, this is incredible. And then Dave's room wasn't ready. So we sat there, drank for a little while. they told us it was open 24 hours and that is just all bad it was like I knew already this is not good information for me to have already

It wasn't Okay but then we went to a bar I don't remember this We went to eat and then we went to a bar And it was just like a normal little Not like anything fancy Just a little like dive And we walked in and it was just a wall of smoke

And they're like yeah it's freedom here We still smoke and I was just like Jesus Christ God, it is the best. That is the best city. It really is. It is the best city. Truly, if I could live anywhere.

Oh, Copenhagen. My friend maybe 10 years ago got offered to be like a Somalié in Copenhagen. Oh. And I was like, you didn't take it? I was like, you go. Do you understand? I was like, you go. Yeah.

It's like how you're trying to get like a dog to run away from you into the woods for a better life. Yeah. Especially since he knew nothing about wine, which is the most amazing thing. Yeah, it was really weird. But then he didn't. And then every like two years, he's like, that was really, that was bad. I was like, buddy, the fuck were you doing? That was terrible choice.

Get over there. Yes, we have become callous. No wonder the dope habit has crept up. I know we talked a lot in between, but I'm starting to get bored with this guy. Coolidge mother. It's signed Coolidge mother. How much did he have to pay for like five pages in this newspaper? It's pretty crazy.

It's, she really, she really thought about this for a long time. She was going on and on. Yeah, she, she ran it past all of her friends. She's right, but again, really, just, word economy. You know, edit, edit. Word economy. Total support has asked for Israel Bonds. This guy, this doesn't go well.

We hear at the past time. Next article, no comment. Yeah. Yeah. I think we don't talk publicly on our thoughts on that on the, show. Okay, I'm actually going to pass on that. I love that Preston.

I love that Preston decided to put a mine in this. Wow. 500 million Israel independence bonds issue. Okay. Yeah. And this is 51? Yeah. So this is right after.

I can't remember when Israel was established. When did they move into the place where people were living? 48. There was 48. Yeah. Yeah. I've done that, though. You've moved into a place where people living?

Yeah, my last apartment. That was what I did. They were like, excuse me? I was like, this is beautiful. Get out. And then acting like no one was there? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. Fine. David, I'm not hearing anything from you. He's having mic issues. God's sake he's talking. School principal beating trial opens in Cleveland. Well, cool.

I'm glad we went to a fun story. It's good. Now, let's guess how old. Did he do the beating or was he beaten? Let's see. Oh, that's a good question. Boy, I'll tell you, it is strange. Because back then,

back then almost certainly he was doing the beating, I would say, you know. Yes. Now, every third viral video is a kid just wailing on a teacher. But how fucking crap. I mean, I'll tell you, there, if I could beat up one of my principals. Oh, the joy. You should be able to pop one teacher. You know what they should do?

At the end of every year, a principal should have to fight one student to remain principal. for the next year. That's right. That's right. When I was in sixth grade, it was still legal for teachers to hit kids. That's crazy. And I had a teacher who would put a ring on his knuckle, and he'd walk and he'd hit us on the top of the head. That's fucking crazy. Pretty cool. Pretty cool stuff we used to deal with.

Dave's 78. I'm 78. Or maybe it wasn't legal, and he just did it. I don't know. I'm like legal. Yeah, I don't know if it was legal. Well, there's nothing we can do. He was just walking around punching kids being like, get back to burning the trash.

A jury of eight women. This is a Cleveland story. A jury of eight women and four men heard witness testify Monday. He found junior high school principal James Fenwick, 55, with his face swollen and bleeding after the alleged assault. The kid beat him. The kid beat him. With a paddle by the mother of a pupil. Oh, that's great.

This is, this is not what we expected at all. That's great. Talk about a scene from a movie. A paddle to the face. Well, she, like, the kid comes home and his tushy's all red from getting paddled all day. And she's like, fuck that. I'm for it. I'm totally for it.

I agree. Like, let's get this done. I agree. And he's bruised and stolen. She came back with, like, a cricket bat. Yeah, it is. Like, those paddles were fucking brutal. Dave, weren't they? You were around when they were invented.

Yeah, we, oh yeah, we used to give them to our, we used to have to go in in the morning and give the teacher our paddle. And then he would paddle us. Oh, okay. Yeah. So, but we each had our own paddle to give to the teacher. My teacher asked me to paddle him, but not too hard. Was this after school? After school during lunch, tons of times. But it was a different time. I mean, like we were saying, it was different.

Yeah, you kind of, your teacher was. And subscribers only, though. Yeah. Oh, that's totally. Yeah. No, that was like the early only fans. But no, you'd start with light paddling and then he'd start to get juicy and then you'd hit a little harder.

Go ahead, Dave. Fenwick, who weighed 100. Fenwick. Oh, my God. California officially banned carpal punishment, hitting paddling or spanking students, guess. 81. 86. Wow.

Crazy. That is insane. Well, they, my mother's story. are in like she was just like you'd get you know she'd be like well if you didn't do your numbers right you'd get your lashes you'd be like what i mean that that was and california i i would assume is on the forefront as opposed to other i wonder if you can still do it i bet there's some states you can still hit a guarantee Arkansas 100% yeah oh yeah cleveland yeah cleveland probably They held on to that stuff, or at least under Ramoswamy.

Fenwick, who weighs 145 pound, charges that Mrs. Bernice May, 37, 135 pounds, beat him about the face and head with a heavy wooden paddle last June after he had given her son, Daniel 14, a swift kick in the hall of Albert Bushnell Hart Jr. High School for pushing another student. Now, let me just say something about this. Go ahead. Do it into camera, please. he's my guess is he's a decent guy because wow well let me because you're a weird man he didn't pop her back and that's what the story is the story is now today i think if a woman started hitting a man

he would punch her and like like you like if there's a video of a woman attacking a man i don't think he'd he'd just be like right what don't don't he'd hit maybe maybe i mean we all remember Jersey Shore when Snooki got hit. I don't remember that. My biggest memory of Jersey Shore... The smush room. Every time we stay in hotels, he calls his room the smush room. No, it's when one of the guys was leaving.

I don't remember which one. It wasn't Paul. Polly. It might have been Polly. Situation. Situation. He's leaving and he looks at Snooking. Or the other one.

Or the other one. Yeah. J-Y. No, Ronnie. Ronnie. Oh, Ronnie. Oh, Ronnie. Whoever the other one was.

The other one. Ronnie. Ronnie. It was like, yo, I don't have any discernible characteristics. I'm just a tie. I'm not interesting. I'm not interesting. He's saying no to his wife on the altar. Yeah.

But he thought it meant yes. He didn't understand. His brain is tiny. These people. The situation was leaving. He was mad at Snooki. And he said, you're a dirty little hamster. Oh, wow.

That is beautiful. It's beautiful. It was a hell of a show. Yeah, it really was. It was a cultural touch point. It really was. And by the way, there's... With them?

Yes, one of the beauties of staying in hotels is still the ability to channel surf. Yeah, right. And you'll just go, what? And it'll be like, Santa Fe, Jersey Shore, the big dinner. And you're like, what? You're still getting together. Their faces are just... I mean, they truly are starting...

Is it all surgery? Oh, my God. like their plastic surgeon must have done improv I just remember I just remember seeing there was like a snooky restaurant at one point I was like what is happening Oh my God What is happening out there

It was a crazy show because they were fucking audities It was like Yeah Like they were just To you and your ivory tower Yeah David and I knew about those sort of people It was a simpler time

When they could pitch a show They could pitch a show that it was like, it's like the real world but even less structure somehow. And they were like, it was like, with louder people. Yeah,

it was like, it's a, they are really like pretty annoying and strange. And we were like, what? Oddities? I suppose we'll watch that. Don't worry,

you won't be able to look away. Yeah, we'll watch seven seasons. Of course. Hey, what if that becomes everything? Is that cool? Okay,

so now I have to admonit Preston. Preston, if you're going to cut out the articles, you should actually, you know, go all the way to the end so I can read all the words. You know, Preston is in our lives because of David. So this is, in a way, this kind of falls at David's door. Yes, my apologies.

Yeah. Yeah. It was the first time when I was in the green, met Preston, and I heard someone talking about his claim to fame, David. I mean, you may as well. I don't know if everyone knows. knows, but you may as well out of air. It's upsetting.

Go ahead. So, yeah, the posting whole story? Is that what we're talking about? Yeah, whole posting. What else would it be? Oh, yeah. How did that? What else would it be?

Yeah, Preston was in the green room, and I heard someone saying, Preston seems like a very normal man. And then someone said something about when he posted hole on Twitter, and I was like, packing up my stuff, and I was like, what was that? And they were like, yeah, Preston. I'm sorry, what? Preston. Post it, Preston posted.

Asshole on Twitter. You're not laughing. That's the guy we hired. It was even response to. I remember. I remember what it was. It was that he said, this is so dumb. If Denver won the...

If the Nuggets won the championship, he was going to post whole. Oh, yeah. And my guess is it got like four likes, but he was like, a contract's a contract. And he did it at the sports bar. He went into the sports bar. He couldn't wait to get home. You know, kind of powder it up a little bit. He went right in.

Better lighting in the, in the dive bar bathroom. Maybe. Listen, I've seen the picture. I think less light is better. And a woman married him and loves him. I don't know if she loves him. Okay. That's fair.

I don't believe she loves him. Wedding of convenience. Yeah. She wanted to say no, but it was, they convinced her to say, yes. Aggressive indifference or whatever the term was. Yeah, right, exactly. That's what she experienced. Prolong.

Yeah, prolapsed in difference. She had what we call a prolapse in judgment. First witness. First witness following selection of the jury Monday was E.J. Furlong, 72, a custodian of the school at the time of the reported attack. He said he saw Ms. Smey in the principal's office, the day of the alleged attack sitting with an umbrella and a paddle in her lap. Awesome.

Awesome look Oh my God He said he had never seen the paddle before Furlong testified that he Later found Fenwick in the hall His face swallowed and discolored And blood running out of his mouth It'd be great if she like beat him so badly

She put the umbrella out so that blood didn't get on her outfit Like a protective shield Yeah she's putting the rain poncho on for the splash Yeah Yeah she's just like if Dexter meets Gallagher Boy, do I get this, though, having a kid. What? Because my kid had a coach who was last year a total fucking dick to him.

And I always wanted to, like, be a, he would like publicly, you know, yell at the kids and stuff. And so I always wanted to be a dick to him and then just be like, what, you know what? Just take my advice and, I don't know, you can get mad or be better. You can try to be better, like, because that's what they were saying to the kids. That's what he'd say. That's he said, you know, you can get mad or you can try to better yourself and be a better player. So why can't you say the same thing too? Well, Dave, but you don't attack them to their face.

I don't. You slowly, it's like a gas leak. Just the guys are like, yeah, that guy's kind of looking at me weird. And then it's like, all of a sudden, I'm getting a lot of weird emails. Someone put a penis on my car overnight. There's a, there's always, look, if I don't like you and you're in an important position in my life, there's a campaign being waged behind your back that you don't know about. It's a crazy thing to hear while I'm sitting.

My wagon is hitched. you and I just, the things you just said are super trouble. But, you know, I get rid of people. He told me a woman had him, uh, he told me a woman had hit him with a paddle and I saw Miss May sitting in his office. Miss May's attorney, uh, Lewis Fernberg said his defense would be that she did not attack Fenwick, but merely defended herself when he attempted to seize her by the throat. Okay.

Well, that's a different story. But also she did roll in with a paddle. Yeah, but also fuck him. Yeah, no, fuck him. Yeah, I agree. Either way, they're both dead now. Are they? Yeah.

You don't know that. I do. Buried uranium. Oh, fuck me. The order, it's like put together like a vision board. This is a very big deal. Oh, my God. Three young boys.

Oh, no. They look like 13-ish. Oh, no. These three Dallert, Texas boys found a chunk of uranium buried under a tree while playing. These kids are dead now, obviously. 13, 12, and 13. Yeah, that's really crazy. They were when they died, too, probably.

Hold on to that picture. You're going to need it in two editions. That's so insane. Jesus Christ. The Chernobyl three. Oh, no. New blackout is clamped on uranium. find. Can you imagine like your kid coming back and explaining to you what it was playing?

And you're like, wait, what was it? Like a glowing rock. My hands hurt. My bones are making noise. Oh my God. Well, there goes a tooth. Opsie Daisy. My jaw fell off. FBI At Atomic Energy Commission officials slapped a security blackout Sunday on the discovery of pure, un-purepressed uranium near a main highway leading east from New Mexico, Adam bomb proving grounds. Oh, my God. Wow. An atomic energy commission officially confirmed

that a 33-pound cylinder found by three boys in this Texas panhandle town was uranium. What town is it? Dalhart, D-A-L-H-A-R-T. No one would comment, however, about a 64-pound chunk

reported later found in a scrap heap. Both chunks appear to be alike, however. Authorities were trying to solve the mystery of how the rare metal used Well, yeah, somebody fucking dumped it. Used in making atomic bombs, got to Dalhart in West Texas, near the Mexico border, but more than 100 miles from the A-bomb Permanigrants.

I can tell you what happened. What? A guy was supposed to take it and dump it somewhere secure, and he just wanted to go home, so he just tossed it out wherever he was. I'm more curious how soon the boys died after this. That's cool. You looked at him because that's fun.

The two. The two cake-shaped cylinders were under tight-guired while scientists examined them to determine their exact composition and possible value in Adam Baum manufacturing. The three boys. Don Monroe, Jodell Golden, and Walton Fowler found the 33-pound cylinder three months ago. They played with it until their elders made them turn it over to authorities

because it gave off dangerous sparks when handled roughly. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Now, did you know about this? There's a plane, kick the can with this 33-pound drum. It's like their feet are flying off while they're kicking it. Yay. Oh, my friend.

Now, this is the main, there was a 1951 child's toy that was basically a metal detector, but for finding uranium. What? So, so they were, like, kids would go out to try to find uranium. What? Yes. What in the fuck is happening? What in the fuck?

So they were just, so these kids were probably like, we won. Oh my God. Oh, for fucks. Yeah, I can't imagine that they didn't have serious. No, no, you can't be tossed around uranium. I mean, we had a, we had a crazy, like, story about that type of thing. I grew up on Catalina Island. I think we've talked about that before.

Yeah, yep. but in like the in like the 80s there was like a small plane crashed on the backside of the island and a group of you know like firefighters and guys from the island like drove out to check it out and like as they got there helicopter comes over from the mainland with a bunch of like government people in like hazmat suits and like they're like we got it you're good go home like we got and they like cleaned it up and everybody that went out to that site like within 10 to 15 years

had died of like cancer that appeared that was like not in their family like. Oh my God. That's the thing. They that's what always that's what they do. They just basically like, you're good to go. Yeah.

And they're like, we need to move. We have 10 years to get as far away from these fucking people as humanly possible. Yeah. Last one. Okay. The light. feminine touch.

Eric Johnson, 52, is convinced that women are not the weaker sex. Oh, wow. This is shocking for the time. Johnson reported to police that he was sitting on a bus stop bench when three women approached him and began an argument. As women do. Oh, my God. Here come the arguers.

Can I just sit on this bench? There we go. He said they pinned him to the ground. Okay, this is way beyond arguing. Yeah. The pint-sized Johnson said they had Took off one of his shoes Hit him on the head with it

He sounds like a Rooney Yeah, yeah And took $3 from his pocket Then they threw his shoe high into the weeds And he couldn't find it These women are awesome This is all-level roving woman gang He was taken to Jackson Memorial Hospital

For emergency treatment of a gash on the forehead From a shoe? Yeah He told officers He told officers he felt a quote, his shoes were made of uranium. Yeah. He told officers he felt, quote, his nose fell off. A lucky little because a little lucky because they missed $5 hidden in another pocket.

Hey, doctor, they didn't know I had five put up my ass. Excuse me? Well, good Lord. David, thank you for joining us. It seems like Phoenix was a real hotbed of at least. A lot of good news came to Phoenix, so that's exciting. Yeah, that's very exciting. Any thoughts, David?

We're at the end of the paper in the podcast. Any lessons learned? Go ahead. I mean, that was just, it was a nice glimpse into the equivalent of scrolling 70 years ago. Very, very true. Instead of just watching a little, you know, instead of watching a video of three women pinning a man down, beating him over the head with his own shoe, like I, you know, we'll probably do after this is over, you read it. Yeah. And that's... Well, as we call it now, a waffle house.

Yes. No, that is very true. It is very much just like, are doom scrolling, at least you used to have to read. And now you're like, I can't watch something that's three minutes. This is crazy. Yeah, so yeah, this is the same thing about, you know, watching just a forward facing, just of somebody complaining about something that someone's doing. It's like, oh, now we read a six-page article endless. And you can tell society's gotten better. Well, thank you, the great David Rodriguez.

I mean, I cannot say enough. People should go to the Comedy Fort in Fort Collins. Every show is a banger of a comedian. And thank you, David. I'll see you soon in person when I have my own testimony. Don't have her back. Yeah, not long at all now. Don't have it back.

Yeah, he will have me back. I'm in the books. Go fuck yourself. Thank you, David.