The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - Whalesplosion

Episode Date: December 15, 2016

Comedians @daveanthony and @reynoldsgareth examine the Oregon whalesplosion. SOURCES TOUR DATES REDBUBBLE MERCH 

The Dallup will be on tour in March 2026. We are going to be in Buffalo on March 22nd. Then on the 23rd will be in Syracuse. Then on March 24th, we'll be in Boston at the Wilbur. Then on the 25th will be in Bridgeport. In 26, the Gramercy Theater in New York. And then on the 27th, we'll be in Albany. And then on the 28th, we'll be in Pittsburgh.

And then on the 29th, will be in Philadelphia. And then on the 30th, we'll be in Washington, D.C., at the Lincoln Theater. Why would you name a theater after Lincoln? Anyway, that's our March 2026 tour. Go to dolloppodcast.com slash tour for tickets. You're listening to the Dalip. This is a bi-weekly American History podcast each week.

I, Dave Anthony, read a story from American history to my very tired friend. Gareth Reynolds, who has no idea what the topic is going to be about. Are you regretting not doing two on Sunday now? No. That had to happen. Yeah? Yeah.

This is fine. Smallups, I like a little small. Smallups like a little me time. You know, there's not, I don't need to worry about, like, you know, there's not like multiple people. It's just like, this dude tried to live in a volcano. And I'm like, let's have, let's go. Oh, my God. Did you see the title?

Oh, man. It's about a guy living in a volcano. Yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy. God, you want to live here to do? I'll do one bottle. People say this is funny? Not Gary Gera. Staying okay.

Someone or something is tickling people. Is it for fun? And this is not going to become the Tiggly podcast. Okay. You are Queen Faky of Made Up Town. All hail Queen shit of Lysville. A bunch of religious virgins go to mingle. And do what?

Pray. Hi, Gary. No. I sleep done, my friend. No. November 9th, 1970. Okay. You're going to know this one.

Okay. And by the way, don't ever assume I'm going to know it. No, you're going to know this one. Okay. I know the world you live in. Okay. Well, all right. Okay.

This is about... This is about the two corys? An eight-ton, 45-foot-long sperm whale, which had been dead for a while, washed up on the beach. just south of Florence, Oregon, which is right smack dab in the middle of the Oregon coast. This is, this is the best. When the whale washed up,

the local residents and tourists were curious, as one would be seeing a humongous corpse. Sure. But pretty soon, it was an... It was discovered. It was Marlon Brando on vacation. It was Brando! Pretty soon it was an odorous nightmare. The death odor of rotting whale

a wafted through the dunes and the town. Yeah. That's what you don't prepare yourself for. The amount of rotting. I don't think you ever get used to the odor of death, no matter what you're doing. But also like a fishy, a fishy death. Like I still like, when I, you know, walk through like a fish market area of anything, oh, still like, I'm never, I've never been down with that. Rodding fish.

Yeah, so, but that's fresh fish. Yeah. So rotting fish. Yeah. Real bad. in Oregon the beaches of public right away so the state highway department was responsible for cleaning it up

Okay so is there anything in the highway handbook about how to deal with whale bodies I'm not sure they're trained for that Right it feels like a new territory maybe Turn to chapter 18 whale bodies Are we ever gonna need this? Nah, we'll skip this one Yeah

Highway department What are you thinking of Todd Just back to school when I said something I shouldn't well come on let's get this whale body out of here god damn it remember chapter 18 I'd done blown it highway department officials tried to figure out what to do with the dead mass for a day

it had been so many years since one had washed up in the county that no one remembered what had been done in the past wait so they wait this had happened before but everyone forgot whales wash up well none of these people might have been alive and it's not like Like the last guy scrawled it on wood. I'm always baffled.

That to me would be a like a no-brainer thing that people would remember and have access to the solution. Not if they just left it there or buried it or whatever. Well, that's not. Yeah. If they left it there, they're not solving. Right. Right. So that would have been not much to pass down.

Be lazy and don't try, guys. My suggestion about the dead whale is to stare at it until it's gone. Use a clothespin for your nose. It's my advice. We wear, we wore clothes bins for a year. I'm not carving that into the tablet. It'll take too long. George Thornton, assistant district engineer, said, quote,

you can't bury it because these things have a tendency to just get uncovered again. We were trying to find if a rendering plant would want the thing to make fertilizer, but we didn't find any takers. Both kind of shocking to me. that burying seems way more of a solution than just...

And also I'm surprised that somebody wouldn't want to use... I'm surprised that some lunatic didn't want it. Right. Yeah, to like make soap or something. Or just... Mary? Mary. You're my wife, well, body. You met Gladys?

That was me. That was me. So a rendering plant I would just assume that it's like, I don't know, I mean, too big or too rodded maybe? I don't know. Do they care about that kind of stuff? Are they, do they care about the condition? There's got to be places that don't give a shit about any of those things. Maybe they didn't, maybe they call like two and they're like, it ain't no use.

What was that? Another prank call guy wants to see if we want a whale body. Fuck those guys. I'm tired of the whale guys. Yeah. Must be great to work in a rendering plant, though. Yeah, yeah. That's a dream. Then they consulted experts at the Department of the Navy.

Okay. That's when the Highway Department decided to blow up the whale. Which is so insane. No, it's a great idea. How, like, it is just a shocking decision-maker. It really is. It is to turn into a big mist, right? That's the idea.

But, I mean, nothing like this had been tried. Not that I know of. This is the nuclear option. I believe so. Right. So this is, okay. But someone's got to try this. You know what?

I would say you are right. Knowing us, at some point, somebody had to try to blow up a whale to get rid of it. Two days after the whale corpse washed up, the Eugene Register Guard reported, quote, Seagulls here will have themselves an eight-ton feast tomorrow morning. That's when the state highway crews planned to blow up the remains of a 45-foot Pacific gray whale, which washed up on the beach Monday. The big whale have been dead sometime and smells very bad. That's going to be great if you were reported to get that story.

But is the theory behind that is that it'll be easier for seagulls to eat? Yeah, yeah. The theory is that they'll blow it up. up in the little pieces so that scavengers, not just seaggles, but crabs and everything else that eats off the beach that we'll go get food. You know, I get it. Yeah. I get it.

No, it makes sense. I do. I'm serious. Yeah. You're joking. No, no, I get it too. Oh, yeah, okay. I understand what they're doing.

But there are, like, if you said that to me, I'd go, well, how many seagulls do you think there are? Oh, you've got to consult someone. How many crabs are you talking about? You have to consult someone who has access to facts. Absolutely. That is like, you know, the world needs dreamers, but the dreamers need like a realist to remind them like, yeah, but even then. You would go to a marine biologist and be like, hey, I'm thinking about blowing up a whale on the beach. Do you think all the seagulls and crabs will take it all away?

And he just drops like a thing of algae, like, that sounds really awesome. I'm in a lab most days. Let's blow him up for sure. Okay, so how to blow up a whale? Yeah. That's not an area that has a lot of expertise. Right, right. There's nothing like a guy. Hello, whale blowers.

Well, or there could be, like, the guy who, like, did it, like, 20 years ago, but doesn't want to talk about it, that you got to get out of retirement, you know? Mr. Jefferson, I know that you blew up that whale. I told you guys to stop coming around here. Maybe I blew up a whale, maybe I didn't. Now, get out of here, kids! Quit calling me! And then at the right moment, he's like,

heard you guys needed a bomb for the blowhole. He's here. Something you didn't take into account, young pup. He's just in a wetsuit. Yeah, he's Chris Christopherson. Somebody need to blow up a whale? So George Thornton, while just the assistant district engineer headed up what I call whale explosion. Sure, sure, sure.

George decided to put charges under the body, then blow it up. He believed at that point, the whale corpse would be. be blasted into small pieces, under. Under. Seagulls and other beach scavengers to clean up the whale in just a few days. The big parts, like bones that were left

after, state crews were a common clean up. Under. Yeah, under. And that to me seems like a flaw. I would think, you know, whatever you got to do to dig some holes, get them in it. I think both. Yeah, I think both.

Yeah. I think more dynamite was the solution. All dynamite. I would say, okay, well, we'll talk about it after. Then someone came out and, cut the whale's jawbone and teeth off during the night. Just a lunatic. I assume

it was a scavenger hunt. Sure. The Siegel had enough. But the guy, so that's like sitting in someone's house or It's in someone's garage. Like, no, it still is. Someone still has that if either in their family or it's still in

someone's fucking house. I like to think it was a really drunk guy. It's had to have been. But can you imagine how hard that was? Really hard. Cutting a fucking jawbone. Not easy. I mean, I've tried to do with people. Sorry?

Unridiculous. Sorry? Then someone came to... Going to need you to go back. Go ahead. Young up-and-coming 23-year-old reporter Paul Linman of KATU Portland was given the assignment of covering whale explosion. Quote, I was getting good assignments, so when they asked me to go to Florence to cover the disposal of a whale, I went, whoa, wait a minute.

I'm the boy wonder here. I do bigger stories. Send somebody else. Then they said they were going to use dynamite, and I said, okay, let's go. Okay. Who is the, what is the name of this person? A young hot shot, Paul Linman. Okay, Paul needs to calm down a lot.

Well, no, but I get it. He's the hot guy who's considered the hot stories. Okay, listen, don't you align yourself. Read back what he said. Read back what he said. I was getting good assignments, so when they asked me to go to Florence, to cover the disposal of a whale, I went, whoa, ha, wait a minute, I'm boy wonder, I do bigger stories.

Okay, so right there, let's put a pin in it right there. I'm boy wonder? You don't call yourself boy wonder. I think that was the thing you did back then. I don't think it was. I did not think it was. All right, take it from boy wonder. No, no.

You know what we could do, put his ego inside the whale because that thing's already blown up. Wow. I'm going to drop this mic gently. Yeah. So with his cameraman, Doug Brazil, Paul chartered a single-engine plane to fly to Florence. There, he borrowed the local airport manager's car and drove to the beach. So it was a different time.

Wait. It was a different. It was a sudden. It was just the weird detail about. It was 1970. If you landed at a small airport, you'd be like, can I use your car? Yeah. That is why, that is how you know that decade is labeled cocaine.

Oh, yeah. Man, if I take your car, use it. Quote, Can I have sex with your wife? Have her! Yeah, get in there! Quote, we could smell at the moment we step from the car. Not anything recognizable, just this incredible stench,

which grew stronger as we walked up the sand dune trail towards the beach. What was Boy Wonder doing in such a predicament? Wow. It was putting a taste in my mouth, like spoiled meat only stronger. I mean, you know that smell when you can taste it? Yeah. Like, that's... Tough.

Fuck me. Tough. Looking at the scene, Paul thought they wouldn't really do that, would they? Who would blow up a whale? Word got out about the coming whale explosion. Walter Umanhofer was in town. He was in... For a name convention.

I'm speaking at the event. Yeah, double name. Uminhofer. Yeah. he was an executive with the Kingsford Charcoal Brickette Company and was in town looking for a place to build a new plant for the business. When he heard about the plans to explode a whale, he went down to the beach because he had experience in demolition from his days in the military.

Okay. He approached George who was working on his whale explosion placement. Walter told George he was using too much dynamite. Interesting. And George was not interesting. in the out of towner telling him how to blow up a whale. Interesting. But that's total, like, local guy.

This is how we get. This is how we do it. Yeah. City, slicker. Well, well, like, what's his name? What's his name? Umunhofer. Um,anhofer.

I mean, you know. Yeah. And Florida? No, Florence, Oregon. Oh, in Florence, Oregon. Well, way different. Yeah. Okay.

It starts with the same letters in my defense. It's all the good. So, he's not a good. interested. George also told Walter he was going to have everyone on top of the dunes far away to which Walter responded, quote, yeah, I'm going to be the furthest SOB down that way. Yeah, okay. So he's now he's like, you're a fucking idiot. He's like, all right, buddy. He's like, all right, so I was going to try and help you out, but you go ahead and do your dumb shit and I'll be over watching and laughing. Far away. Okay, stupid. Bye, buddy. Your brain's little.

The reason. See you, dumbass. Okay, tiny head. Bye. Bye, a little brave. Bye, dumb, blow up a guy. Hey, there's someone here who can help. I don't want it. Bye, bye, bye. I'm actually going this way. Sorry, I don't mean to cut through again.

Pardon me, sorry. Upward. Stepping over your dynamite. You have a little brain. The reason George was in charge is because the district engineer was away on a hunting trip. Okay. So George didn't even be in charge of this. It just...

Don't you cut the trip short to blow up the whale? Call the guy. Call the guy. Yeah, and you know what? You totally... Look, yeah. This dude is like, yes, yes, finally. It was difficult to determine what kind of whale it was because it was so decomposed.

At first everyone thought it was a California gray whale, but then after a while they realized it was a sperm whale. So that's how fucked up it was. Like they couldn't tell what kind of whale it was. I again feel like they're just not consulting any experts. Bruce Mait was a 24-year-old marine biology grad student. Okay. So he came down because he saw this as an opportunity to learn about whales. Right.

And he asked if he could have some time to remove the stomach contents, gonads, and other organs. Hey, excuse me, you mind if I get the gonads? I'm sorry? I'm a biology student, a graduate. By the way, your statement, you should have flipped those facts. Can I get the, like the sex parts? Uh, let me ask somebody I'm gonna get the sex part

Hey, this guy wants to know if he could have the whale's balls What? And yeah, he keeps like humming Hold on a second, buddy He keeps making like noises, like grunting noises to himself I'm a whale I mean he definitely just said he's a whale Look, just give him the whale balls and get him out of here

Hey buddy, here you go, take them These are nice All right, get out of here now quote, if you have these things, you can tell if it died during trauma. It's breeding habits and much more. Of course, George's response was, take a few measurements and then back off, Sunny, because we're about to blow this thing up. Okay, okay. So time is really of the essence, it feels like.

Got to get this whale blown up. Right. Yeah, yeah. Bruce, coincidentally, also had experience with explosives. But when he got a whiff of what George was like, he said it became obvious, Explosalib. advice from a 24 year old would not be taken seriously. So off he went. Okay, so there's a guy blown up a whale.

And two guys who have expertise in explosives have come over to give the fucking idiot instructions, and he had told both of them to go away. He really, it's just, he seems American. We're going to blow this up the American way. By the way, I love Kingsford charcoal. Those per kett's last all day Now get out of here As a matter of fact

I suggest put it some of them out there We can have some whale blubber When this is all said and done Eat like Fred Flintstone It's gonna be missed When I'm done here Missed The idea that you think it's going to be missed

I think it parts big enough For a crab to pick up Not missed but Crap Crap Big enough for Small enough for crab hands Yeah and there's a pretty baby crabs on beaches

They're real little guys How big's a crap hand? On average? Yeah, like a Oregon Craphand Oh, Oregon. Well, now let me kind of We'll switch to that file.

Not talking to Maine. No, okay, okay. So off that guy goes, another guy gone that could help. This is a clear difference between what would happen like today and back then, right? Like today, they'd be like,

no, you can study the whale for as long as you need, and then we'll find a good way to dispose of it. Absolutely. We are still total idiots, but we would absolutely like, we would, somebody with knowledge would be there and listen to in some way. Right. We would almost overdo it on how to do it right. Yeah. Unless there was oil underneath the whale. That's different. True to his word, George had everyone back up as the demolition experts from the Eugene Highway Office placed the explosives.

The idea was to place the explosives so the blast would send most of the whale parts out to the ocean. then the tide would come back in and the whale parts would come with it and highway cruise would bury what the goals and others didn't eat. That is, that is, right? That's insane. It's magical. That is, it is a magical theory. It's a magical idea. That is a magical theory. The idea that you're like, the idea that they're like, well, why don't we just blow it up towards the ocean?

And then when the tide brings all the whale back, we'll just use nets and we'll just collect it. It's pretty straightforward, I think. It took an hour and 45 minutes to properly place the dynamite. So are they just like wedging it under it? That's what I can't figure out. I think they must be because like how are you picking up? You're not putting it straight underneath it. I mean, it's a fucking whale.

Yeah. Well, and if you're moving it to get dynamite under it, you can move the whale. I would imagine they're digging some sort of hole in the sand and putting it in that way. But even then you're like you're like the idea that there is. is, yeah, the idea that that's going to blow it to smithereens is just like... Yeah, no, it's not great. Because, like, how is the top going to get any explosion? I think, from what I know about whales, have you ever seen Star Wars?

Look, if you want to talk about the Star Wars where they go and they... Because they go in that hole, right? And they blow up the Death Star. So I think what I know about whales, and I studied the Earth in college, so I didn't study biology. but if you go into their spout with the dynamite, it'll cause an explosion all throughout the whale star. Are you thinking of the spaceship and Independence Day? Oh, fuck.

Yes, you are. That is what I'm thinking of. Yeah, you, yeah. Never mind. Right. Close, though. But it seems like once you put an explosive in the spout that the rest of the whale would just combust.

Yeah, exactly. No, that is Independence Day. Yeah, exactly. Okay. Yeah, you guy fox the whale by putting it in the hole. I get big things confused. Sure. Who doesn't?

You're a good guy. A sheriff's deputy moved people back to what was considered a safe distance. There were around... Again, with no knowledge of what a safe distance is for a whale explosion. There's no... This man is... He's not... He speaks from nothing.

I love that... Another 10 feet, guys. Come on now. It's a whale. It's not a barricer. Come on, guys. What up, blowing up, tone up. Come on, guys.

Get them back. Another eight. Come on. There were about 75 people there to watch. They ended up about a quarter mile away. It's pretty far. You think that's far? That's not far.

I mean, it's pretty far. I guess. It's not super. I mean, you definitely want to be further. But, you know, that's a fair distance. Paul asked George on camera for his final observations. Quote, well, I'm confident. it'll work. The only thing is we're not

sure just exactly how much explosives it'll take to disintegrate. Well, that's a huge problem. Thing. So the scavenger, seagulls, and crabs and whatnot can clean it up. This theory. Paul would later regret not pressing George on being not sure how much

explosives. It's a huge component. It's the only component. Placement and amount. Those are your two deals. And he's fudging both. Yeah. And the cops telling people how far away to stand. Yeah.

And he thinks he's going to create whale waves. And then crabs are going to carry whale like their ants carrying sandwiches. Correct. Yeah. Singing. I would imagine singing. Yeah. Under the sea.

Under the sea. George, quote, if there's any large chunks left and we may have to do some other cleanup, possibly send another charge. So he's talking about if there's a big piece left, he's going to blow it up again. Yeah. Double blow up. Yep. Check out that cat. Oh. He's got sneeze.

He's been sneezing. He's got the sneezes right now. Paul. The dynamite was buried primarily on the leeward side of the big mammal, so as most of the remains will be blown toward the sea. Leward side of a whale. What?

I don't know what that means. Leward? Yeah. Well, like, that's not a, that's not very, I don't, it's probably nautical, but it's not in like the rudimentary handbook. I think it is. You know, you know, starboard and port side. I don't know anything about ships.

Well, leeward, I know starboard and port side. Those are the two sides and neither of them are leeward. Maybe leewards. No, that doesn't make sense. I feel like it doesn't make sense for a, for a whale. Is Paul signing off on the idea that this could, that it would blow it towards the sea? No, no. thinks it's insane.

Okay, good. Just to be clear. Okay. Paul thinks it's fucking crazy. Okay. Leeward is the direction. Dave is Googling right now with the mic on his chest and it's, it's really, it's pretty special.

Okay. It's a wind thing. Is the direction downwind or downward from the point of reference? The side of a ship that is towards the leeward is the lee side. If the vessel is healing under the pressure of the wind, this will be lower side. Oh. That doesn't really, I guess there's wind, but it's still, that doesn't make sense. It's a fucking whale.

It's not a shit going in the ocean. It's saying it's saying the side that the wind is blowing to. But that's, but that shouldn't be a factor with. Dynamite. Whales and dynamite. Dynamite seems like it's stronger than your leeward wind. As far as I know, you want to get that, you want to get that whale up in the wind. Yeah.

If you just get the, if you just get the, if you just get the little whale skyward. One or two things are going to happen. Either it's going to go into the ocean and then it'll conveniently wash. ashore or it'll fly in the sky like kites and leave. Both are possible. Just depends on the wind. All right. So from the Eugene Register, it was a beautiful day to blow up a whale. That is this, this is a real paper? This is a paper. The sun was shining and there was a gentle breeze on the beach as state highway division workers placed 20, 50 pound cases of explosives under the 45 foot whale, which washed up.

Sorry. 20, 50 pound cases of explosives. So, 20. So 500. I don't know how much it is. Oh, we don't know how much. Well, I mean, I don't know anything about explosives. No, it's a...

But there's 50 pounds of explosives. There's 20. Yeah, so it's a thousand. Oh, gotcha. I see what you're saying. It's like a thousand pounds of dynamite. It's a shocking amount of dynamite. For a whale. For anything. It's a 45 foot long whale.

You're talking every couple of feet. Yeah, but that's so much. It's dynamite. Yeah. It's dynamite. So there's explosives of every couple of feet, I would imagine, unless they're doing them side by side. But anyway.

Coast residents as well as many. This is what we should be doing on the 4th of July. This is the new holiday. I agree. Thank you. Coast residents and people from Eugene walked over the sand dunes to the beach to see the show. As Workman excavated the holes, oh, there you go, for the dynamite. Shutterbugs took pictures of each other in front of the beached whale,

lying on its side displaying a gaping red and white expanse of flesh and bone where someone had sought away its lower jaw. Everybody stayed upwind. One woman onlookers suggested the highway division should wait until Monday to blow up the whale. That way, she reasoned the people who came to the beach for the weekend could have an opportunity to see it. Ma'am, get out of here.

She's thinking outside the box. Yeah, she wants photo ops? I mean, so they're digging holes. Right. Oh, Dave, they're digging holes all right. They've been digging holes since the beginning of the plan. George gave the signal, and the whale explosion happened. On Paul's report, you can see what would turn out to be a huge geyser of meat.

You can hear the people ooing and awing. A mom tells her kid, he can take his hands out of his ears. Another woman says very calmly, here comes pieces of whale, or it could be, oh, hell. You hear the sound of whale parts hitting the sound. the ground. Yeah. Right?

From what I've seen and heard, oh man, beautiful. Paul's report. We're rapidly evacuated. The spectators escape both the falling debris and the overwhelming smell.

Take that wonder boy. It really is crazy because it's, and it's huge chunks too. So however they did it, and I assume, you know, obviously not an explosion expert,

but they put it on the one side to make a blow out, but the explosion must to make it go the explosion go under it a little bit more like it probably blew it down because the holes were built I assume that way

so it probably went some in some reason with the hole and blew it backward so it kind of must have gone under I think the well if you really look back I think the problem is that they were putting dynamite near a whale right that is a that is a clear

problem right okay so Paul and his cameraman had to shut off the camera and run for safety. Quote, at first there was nothing particularly surprising or significant about the blast. It looked like any movie explosion. But as the material filled the sky

and seemed to momentarily hang in the air, there were a few things that gave this explosion an odd-looking feel. Well, number one, it was a whale. Yeah, right there. The first was the color. The air turned a deep crimson resembling the burst of tomato juice.

Ugh. Ugh. Except it's not tomato juice. Oh, that is... It's animal. Yeah, they're, I mean, basically calling a blood cloud. Right, it's a blood cloud. Mommy, look up the beautiful...

I love crimson. It was a beautiful crimson color. It was gorge. It was the best blood cloud I ever seen. A deep burgundy wave rippled through the sky. I ain't seen a blood cloud like that since my dad blew up. So the sound was also odd, a series of hollow thunk noises. At first I did know what to make of it.

Then we were in a massive blubber shower, and I heard Doug the Camberman say in a sing-songy voice, Oh, no, with laughter. Whoa. Doug's got a good attitude. And then we were running. Yeah. By the way, where's the cop now who thought he knew the radio? of whale explosions.

I can step back another five feet. Keep going. Because Doug said it came down as this oil rain on your jacket. It was horrible and the smell was sickening. This was all to get rid of the smell. Yeah.

And here we are. Covered in whale juice. I mean, when you open something up, that smell that comes. Oh, yeah. The Eugene Register. Chunks of the animal flew in every direction and spectators began to scream

and run for cover. When they glimps. the large pieces soaring directly overhead. A parked car over a quarter of a mile from the blast site was the target of one large chunk about three feet long. And the passenger compartment was literally smashed. Fortunately, no human was hit as badly as the car. However, everyone on the scene was covered with small particles of dead whale.

So there's the mist. There's video. Yeah, there's the mist. Yeah, there's video of this car. thick mist. This car is destroyed. Looks like a Godzilla stepped on it. That's exactly what it looks like. Yeah. Yeah. And the whole

thing has a real like meteor headed towards the earth disaster movie vibe. Except it's a whale. Yeah, except it's a whale. And we did it. And we completely did it. This is actually the story of America. Of course, the car belonged to

Walter Umanhofer. Uh, Walter. Walter. What? You remember Walter was like, I'll be the SOB way over there. He left his car in the lot. The demolition expert. The sad twist. And let me guess. George got a Ferrari. The car had been purchased during a get-a-ail-of-a-deal-a-deal promotion in Eugene. David. What? How did...

Okay. It means that he had to have told someone that after the fact was a This is just something you should never admit to. But I also think this is the greatest example that time travel exists. True. That might be a good case for it. Walter watched as a hard-headed highway worker removed the piece of blubber with a shovel. Ah. Quote, my insurance company is never going to believe this.

Yeah. So, hey, John, listen. Hi, how you doing, Walter? Weird thing. Sure. A big three-foot piece of whale hit my car and it's a total.

Wait, cover for fire, flood, whale, earthquake. Flying whale is the thing. Octopus. No whale, though. So that is going to probably have to be out of pocket. How can the octopus? Go ahead. I'm not, I don't know where the question's

headed because. Damage your car. Oh, wow. If it's a land Octopus who, you know, yeah, the big ones. What's the name of this insurance company? We don't know shit insurance. You know the slogan, right? Yeah, I guess now I do.

Yeah. People had to go home and wash their cars too fast. We actually had a guy who lived in a volcano. And we covered his home. I don't think that's true. Yeah. No, that's just how we do it over here. We don't know shit.

insurance. People had to go home and wash their cars, take baths, and wash their clothes to get rid of the smell. Who's keeping the outfit? How much do you have to like your outfit? It might be your favorite pair of pants. It has to be your favorite pair of pants. I would be crying.

If you get covered in a whale dynamite mist, say goodbye. What about just walking home naked? Take it off. I'm suggesting later. George inspected the blast area. were still pieces of whale and a lot of blubber powder. Must have been a great walk up there when he realized everything had gone wrong and there was

still a bunch of whale on the beach that smelled bad. But right where the whale had been was a huge hole. The tail was there a few feet away. George, quote, it went just exactly right. Yeah, that's how I planned her. I mean I'll love him Except the blast funneled a hole in the sand under the whale

Everything went right Except for the parts that did not go right at all Everything right except for everything we did That was a problem because instead of the whale Going out to sea was thrown toward the parking lot George noted that his idea to move people away Was a smart one I think if we got to say that

I did a really good job And then I got people away from the crazy things thing. Nobody died for my stupid thing I did. See? An already waiting bulldozer came to bury the larger chunks. A small boy ran down the beach ahead of his father and yelled, look, daddy, a piece of whale. Okay. Sorry, I have to look at this.

Yeah, so, yeah, there's just all these people milling about doing their business, boys running on the beach and enjoying how. having a good time. Enjoying whale. For the success of you're scared away by the explosion or kept away by the smell. That didn't really matter. The remaining chunks were of such a size that no respectable seagull would attempt to tackle anyway. As darkness began to set in, the highway crew were back on the beach, burying the remains, including a large piece of the carcass, which never left the blast site.

Wow. So, like, the crabs are totally out of the equation at this point. Crabbs are so out. But also, yeah, that's so true. Siegel's hearing an explosion. Right. And now the meat is too smelly for seagulls. Yeah, they're like, fuck that.

I mean, I'm a seagull and I'm gross, but it's not what I'm doing it. Paul headed back to KATU to get this amazing story on the air. But as they were unloading all their gear, they realized they had left some of the film behind. It was in the trunk of the car that they had borrowed from the airport manager. No. Each guy thought that the guy was grabbing the film. Okay. Their boss was pissed.

Quote, gentlemen, I don't care how you do this, but that film will be on Channel 2 tomorrow. They caught a break when they called and found out that the son of the car owner just happened to be driving up to Portland the next day, so he dropped it off.

What might be the greatest news store news report ever aired. Walter Umanhofer called his insurance guy about the whale damaged car. Hey, Walter! He laughed. then Walter called the State Highway Commission and the guy there laughed the state highway official told them to have the car fixed but once paid for

the car would belong to the State Highway Division so they're like yeah get it repaired and then we'll give you money for it and then we'll take the car off your hands. It's a different time. It's a different time. Yeah, really great solution for him. And if you see the car in the video Yeah, it's time for a different car.

So why are you selling it? Oh, whale. Oh, you hit a whale. A passenger can't get in it anymore because of a whale's stomach. Like a land whale? Yeah. Yeah, that's not a thing. Is this some kind of scam, buddy?

I just want to put you in the car, so I'll admit to anything. The Stateway Commission guy, he wanted it, the car in tip top shape to sell it and he said he didn't want it the insurance guy the state commission so that the state commission is agreeing what the hell's guy I don't mean

what the hell's going to pay for the car and then sell it I don't know why they I don't know why they want it back so does Uminhoffer get anything out of this whatever he said it? Yeah yeah umenhofer got a check and yeah he's going to get a check from the highway department And then as soon as he gets it like

And then they get the car and then they want to sell the car Like, they want to be able to make as much money. They don't want to... It's all a bad idea. Yeah. Walter went down to the repair shop and found the car covered in a tarp because it smelled so horrible.

Yeah, well, tarp will stop that. Walter got a check for the car just 14 days after it was hit by Blubber. Okay. That's impressive. Yeah, that is. But, again, I mean, this is a new department. He said he was very satisfied with the amount,

but said he was critical of the state highway division's method of disposing of beached whales. All right. The man who did it, George Thornton, was promoted six months later. Good. Four years later, he would say, quote... Your deputy shithead now, sir. He's just got a picture of the bullet-up whale on his desk.

That's what put me over the top. Yeah. This is the career that whale built. Four years later, he would say, quote, I've had some correspondence with a naval explosive expert who said we should have used twice as much dynamite. This would have more or less vaporized the whale. More.

I think that's fair. I mean, the amount they used originally was insane, but I think in retrospect that more dynamite would have done it. Fuck, that doesn't make sense to me, but I think, I think, I mean, maybe. I just think placement. I agree, but just jamming. I mean, that thing, so it was just one, they had it all set up to one detonator. So it's, I mean, I don't even.

know what they were using in the 70s. It also sounds like it didn't, they didn't go off at once from the, from what they didn't. It sounded like thunk, thunk, thunk, thunk, thunk. That's an issue. I think it all had to blow at once. That's, that's a big issue. And I also think it had to be placed. Yeah.

Jamming in them, jamming them in. Get in that whale hole. Yeah. Like I said, it's, make a hole and get in. Once you get in the, once you get in the, uh, the spout thing, then, uh, you know, the whole whale blows up. Again, that's independent stay. I'm not sure.

That's true. but that's not the tune that George stuck to. In the mid-1990s, Paul contacted George to do a follow-up, but George would not go on camera. The discussion didn't go well. When Paul asked George about telling the public about what went wrong that day, George says, what do you mean what went wrong? Meow.

And that was the end of the conversation. Oh, wow. He's acting like it didn't go well. He thinks it's awesome. He probably tells stories about how great it was. What, uh, how? But he knows it went terribly. Not at that.

I mean, you know, at this point, it's just been seen on the news once. And then it's a story. Okay. So he can tell everybody he blew up a whale and got rid of a whale. Right. And then the 90s came. Uh-oh. Then Bill Clinton and Al Gore invented the intramnet.

The video of Paul's report took on a life of its own. It was one of the first videos that became popular online. Now, this is what they call it. When it's a subscriber online bulletin board, which I assume is like a, this is early, this is like 94, 95. So it's got to be like a forum of some kind. Some kind of weird chat room where eventually some guy asked something inappropriate to someone. That's what it was called. Subscriber Online Bulletin Board.

When they wrote about the Whales Explosion in 1994, it was read by people all over the country. The write up was a rewrite of a Dave Barry humor column, which is a very generous description of Dave Barry. A writer for the Daily News in Idaho then reprinted the article word for word, which is also known as plagiarism. Okay. Unfortunately, as is often the case online, the original write-up did not include the date,

so the Idaho writer thought it had just happened. Oh. Mm-hmm. Oh, the internet. Yummy. This is a classic thing we've learned about the internet is that this still happens where people I've done it. I posted a story about like,

holy fuck, look at this. Yeah. I'd be like, that was two years ago. I know. Yeah, there is something really great when you're like, you're late to the party. Oh, so great. Have you seen this? You ever heard of chocolate rain?

People like, oh God, dude, please. Suddenly the Oregon Department of Transportation started getting a bunch of calls for more information about the Whelpsblosion. Everyone was sad when they learned that it had happened 25 years before. But this was just the beginning. Paul and Doug started getting calls for requests for the request for the, the video. An arts festival in South Carolina wanted a copy, as well as schools, universities, marine biology conferences, and government agencies, emergency management planners for NASA, bombsquas, hazmat crews, testing labs, senators' offices, and all branches of the military put

in requests for the video. A lieutenant from an army research center wrote, quote, I believe there is a use for this story in the interest of the U.S. Army, since the name, nature of our business deals and explosives, we feel that having the opportunity to view your video could be used as a learning tool for what not to do in a similar situation. Okay. All right, George. Now what's up? A Michigan police emergency planner wrote,

Although it does not depict an emergency, it certainly points out the need to properly plan activities ahead of time. The humorous aspects of the story will be a nice departure from traditional examples of emergency planning available in the classroom. Doug started only answering people who admitted that they just wanted the video because they thought it was funny. Okay. I get that. That is a little bit like if, you know, someone wants change on the street and they're just like,

I want this money for liquor. You're like, here's $2 and go get liquor. On June 25th, 1979, 41 sperm oils beached themselves in the same town. This time they were buried. In 2001 in Australia, a great. a great a whale carcass was beached in shallow water

off the coast near Adelaide Great white sharks then began to feed off the corpse and then a video popped up of tourists going out in boats and petting the great white sharks on the head Wait So

What So just the The whale was in the water And then it's a shout It's beach itself in a shallow part of the water So then sharks were eating it and then people went out there and just pet the sharks. Great white sharks. Because they're Australian, right?

Or they could be American. Well, yep. They're tourists. Oh, good. They had to be American, right? My God, get one of me with that. Hold on now, Karen. Do one where your heads in its mouth, like the lion tamer.

There you go, sweetie. Say Jabberwocky. In one video, a woman can be heard saying, quote, Harry, are you an idiot or what? Well, honey, well, I'm petting a great white shark. Honey, what are you? Honey, I'm not an idiot at all. I'm just petting this water dog.

I put my cowboy hat on him. One guy climbed onto the back of the dead whale to get a souvenir photo of himself being an idiot. Well, as long as that was the angle. South Australian state environment minister Ian Evans said he was shocked at the tourist disregard for their own safety quote, these creatures are not toys it is clear the state government will need to look at changing the law

in order to protect people too stupid to protect themselves The worst is that Johnny Depp took his two dogs out there too, yeah People on Australia were already banned from going with 100 meters of a live whale but now authorities would look at extending that ban to dead whales Wales in general, NAM. Yes. But in this case,

the state police placed three small explosive charges in the whale's belly. It was then towed away from shipping lanes and detonated. Okay.

Okay. Sure. Yeah. That seems to be like a reasonable idea is to tow it out and blow it. Absolutely. The toe and blow? I'm all for it.

So that wasn't the last exploding whale. In January 2004, a sperm whale died on a beach in Taiwan and it was decided by a professor the remains should be moved to his lab for study. But when the professor

brought the whale to the institution, they refused to allow it to be brought inside. So he then got permission to take it to a preserve and study it. And to do that, they had to drive it through the Taiwanese town of Tayanan. Now, decobosing organs cause

methane to build up. Oh, God. And the whale exploded on the street. Oh, whoa. Like a giant death fart blew up on the street. Blood and guts were everywhere.

Cars and pedestrians were covered in body parts and soaked in whale blood. Oh, God. That's just disgusting. When the whale blew up in Taiwan, The BBC called Paul as if he were some kind of exploding whale expert. Uh-huh, sure. You're the guy we go to.

He told the BBC he didn't blow up whales that he just covered it once and he's not an expert. They said that doesn't matter and interviewed him. Well, you know, when you say that it doesn't matter. Paul gave an interview about the whale explosion to NPR 35 years later in 2005. he is still a reporter in Portland and people on the street still ask him have you blown up any whales this morning, Paul? It has followed him his entire career.

When the free willy whale came to live on the Oregon coast, I didn't bother to investigate that, but apparently the free willy whale went. Well, he summered there. Yeah, I mean, I actually know a ton about the free willy whale, but I mean, you want to talk about the whale who blew up the most. That whale was so hot for three movies. You know, but he would summer in Oregon

And he was originally He spent a lot of I mean a big coastal whale Always on the coasts Did he fly? He did not fly So he would swim from the Oregon coast He'd be swam by assistant whales

Yeah Assistant whales would swim him That makes sense Yeah So he went up there to cover The Free Willy arrival And some old women saw him and became upset.

And they came over to him and said, you're the person who blows them up. What are you doing here? Oh my God. So he has just become, he's now thought of as the person who did it? I don't know. Because we just are that lazy?

People are terrible. But that's just lazy. It's like, your name's familiar with this story. People are fucking nuts. Can't believe fake news. just started. So in 2016, a 70,000

pound dead whale washed up on the beach in San Clemente, California. You know, people got weird, of course. People had all kinds of ideas. One woman, Cynthia Stern, drove 75 miles to lay an orchid by the whale, and then rub its rotting flesh

with homeopathic balms. Well, you know, orcas love orchids. That's a charity. I started orchids for orcas? you could start to feel the positive energy as you walk down the beach. Even though it's a carcass,

it's profoundly positive in anyone who went there is blessed. You know there was someone there who's like, what are you marinating it in? It's amazing that even in this story, I'm not liking people. Yeah. Even in a whale blowing up story,

the story and getting mad at people. Yeah, everyone's reacting wrong. Somehow nobody's been right. you not rub homeopathic shit on the whale? This is beautiful. It's positive. So the man in charge of disposing of the whale corpse was named

Pierceell. Because of the beach it was located on, he couldn't push it back out with the water or bury it on the beach. So he's kind of in the same position. Okay. So the county paid for, I guess, a contracted whale disposal company

come in, who cut it into quote, appropriate, efficient pieces and then had them all taken to a landfill. It's not very exciting way. It's not exciting way, but that makes sense, right? Well, I guess I just never really knew it was an option to just cut it. Yeah. Yeah.

You could just cut it up. Well, in retrospect. I want to know more about the company that did it, because that to be is fucking fascinating. Well, our phone rings once every eight years, but when it does, we're the name in Whale Roald. removal. Just the once every year's, and then that one time he's in the bathroom.

No! God damn it! Oh, shit! Hello, hello, hello, hello! Yeah. Every time we're about to shut the doors, we get another big call. Quote, it does sound grueless if you think of all the whale blubber, and now that it's deceased, I don't know what kind of fluid it's got.

It does not sound like it would be a pretty experience to cut it open, but... Yeah. Purcell also said he was sent the YouTube video of the Wales Blosion three times. Well, I mean, again, as we know, the military used that video as what not to do. So it's important to see it. Wow, that's... That's one from your part, your area of expertise. Yeah.

No, I remember the first time I saw Wales Blosion and it stays with you. I show it to my son Yeah It's just good clean fun And that and the one of I think it's Fuck I want to say It's

It's like Sweden or something But a whale is washed up No no those were fish Swedish fish Oh no A big one The little red guys Yeah yeah

That's one huge one yeah And the guy just eats them Yeah No but a whale is washed up And they decide The government of the country Decides That they want

To use the buck bones, you know, for put in a museum. Sure. So a guy goes over and he starts cutting along the belly. Uh-huh. And he cuts like five feet. Pinocchio comes out. Just fucking explodes.

It explodes. Oh, my God. I mean, he jumps out of the way, but it like shoots out. It's methane? It's methane. Wow. Yeah. That is, uh, well.

I would have thought that's something to do with this. I wonder if they ignited the. methane that was in the whale also. Yeah. Potentially, yeah. But you would think that that would help their case. Fuck, I don't know. Yeah.

It was just a bad idea. Yeah. It seems a little solutionless. Very solutionless. Unless you go the logical way of just having people cut it up and remove it. But that's not fun. No. That's not much of a celebration.

Plus that lady follows the truck. She's just trying to get it to the landfill and rub it more. Oh, see, it's the beautiful. beautiful, even though it's a 19-pins? Ma'am, that's the truck. Oh, it's such a pretty whale. Okay, she thinks.

Oh, look, I rub it. It gets shiny. Okay, well, the car looks good, so. I will. All right. Well, that is normal. Just a normal. Another normal,

I love that. It's always great how, you know, It's just a little thing. It's just, we're just going to explode a whale, and there's going to be a blip on the radar of history. I love that we, you know, that's a story we both, a lot of people know. A lot, a lot of people know this story.

And yet there's the fucking thing about two dynamite experts. We're like, hey, dude, don't do that. Like, there's always a fucking level to it. It's like, what are you doing? Yeah. It doesn't matter what we do. No, someone always knows the right answer, but we're like, come on.

Come on. This guy's here now. Let's use him. We sign Wales. We sign whales. Thanks. Oh, hello there, dollheads. It's Gareth Reynolds.

I want you to join the Gare Force and come and see me. Do stand up on the road. I will be in Spokane, Washington, February 4th. I will be in Bend, Oregon, February 5th, Portland, the 6th, and the 7th. Then I will be in Bakersfield, California, February 27th for two shows. And then, oh, boy, April, here we go. April 19th, I'll be in Albuquerque. Tulsa on April 21st, Oklahoma City, April 22nd, Dallas, April 23rd.

Going to try to see a viral chiropractor that day, but that's neither here nor there. I'll be in Tyler, Texas, April 24th. I didn't even know that. I'll be in Houston, April 25th for two shows. I'll be in Austin at Cap City on the 26th, and then the 28th. I will be rounding it out in San Antonio at LOL. Oh, my gosh, and I'll be in Tucson, Arizona. That's rounding it out.

Go to Gareth Reynolds.com for tickets and information. Also prizes. We're giving away a bunch of trucks and stuff over there. If you just log on and legally, that's not binding. But go to Gareth Reynolds.com. Love you.