The Downbeat - Leigh Gill (Joker, Game Of Thrones)

Episode Date: March 21, 2024

My guest on the podcast this week is actor Leigh Gill. You may know him as Gary from the oscar winning movie Joker, as well as his roles on Game of Thrones, The Witcher, and his latest movie Blitz. We got terrifically drunk and talked what it's like to work with Joaquin Phoenix and hang out with Al Pacino. Mental.

What's going on, people of the internet? This might be my favourite episode of The Downbeat ever. It's really funny. If you don't think this episode is funny, there's something wrong with your brain, or you just don't get it. It is with my close old friend, Lee Gill. He's not just a friend of mine. He is an established actor. He's been in Joker.

You see in Joker? You know Little Gary? That's Lee. He's been in Game of Thrones. He's in a new movie coming out called Blitz. he's been in The Witcher Generally Just a really

Talented funny guy He's got great stories I don't even want to ruin it Obviously he's worked closely With some absolutely insane actors So there's some stories there Unbelievable stories

We also get really drunk Really quite very drunk We talk about the fact he is a dwarf And he doesn't like the term A little person So, you know, it's a good episode. Before we get started, just want to let you know,

we have a Patreon. Patreon.com forward slash the downbeat on it. You get discounts on merch. You get early access to merch. You get early access to the episodes. You get out of the episodes. The lowest tier is one pound. Help support me.

Help support the podcast. Help me getting better gear and better guests. Patreon.com forward slash the downbeat. If you want to go one step further with your glorious support, you can go to www. www. the downbete.a.t. So it spells downbeat. And buy some merchandise. We've got t-shirts. We've got hoodies. We've got shorts. We've got loads. Two locations. One ships from America. One ships from the UK. That should pretty much cover it. www. The downb-be.a-t. Also sponsoring today's podcast are those wonderful people at Displate. Displate make metal posters, right? When I was a kid, all right? I'm not going to tell you what I was doing, but, you know, a teenage boy in my bedroom. I was doing stuff. And one thing I found when I was doing stuff is paper posters don't really hold liquid that well. If you get liquid, some sort of liquid on a paper poster, doesn't wipe off, ruins the poster.

Guess what? Displates are made from metal, right? They mount on the wall with a magnet. There's no drilling, there's no mess. I literally love these things. Look at them in the back of the podcast. They've got absolutely anything you could think of. They have a disc plate for it. I recently got some Warhammer ones because I'm on that nerd.

kick. I've got some Doon 2 ones, all officially licensed. So easy to install and you can swap them out, more ecologically friendly. And by getting a display, you help support the podcast. You can use the code downbeat at Displate.com and you get 25% off one to two displays or 35% off three or more. Display.com. The code is Downbeat. Without further ado, it's actor Lee Gill on the Downbeat podcast. I'm an edge piercer. Piercer. Percher. Perch on the edge, yeah.

Short thighs, mate. It's either perch on the edge or sit with your legs straight out like a child. You know what I mean? Let's start with that. Are you comfortable? I'm comfy, yeah, yeah. I'm just saying like when you're a midger, you've got two options, right? You either perch on the edge.

Because you've got short thighs, right? Yeah. If you want your knees bent, you have to perch on the edge. Or you've got to sit back like a child with your legs out straight. Coming in hot with the M word there. I thought I wasn't allowed to say that. You can around me, but it depends who's listening, because some of them get all funny, don't they?

But that's fine. Some of them. I can't say that. You can say that. Well, like, you know, people are different. Fuck, imagine that I'm just cancelled by it. What's the official word? Mate, I don't fucking know.

The first time I met another midgett, I was 23, so don't ask me. Are you going to be dropping M-bombes this whole time? Well, I'll stop. In case you get cancelled on YouTube. No. No. Um, so official terminology, like, so there's over 200 types of conditions, apparently, which all class as dwarfisms, right?

So like dwarf, I guess it's just, yeah, that's legit, that's the official thing. We're dwarfs, but different types. But I always feel like if you're going to call me a dwarf, I should have a bigger beard and an X. That is, I mean, that is, I feel like, dwarf sounds more offensive. What's the one from Lord of the Rings? He's his dwarf? Yeah, yeah, but yeah, that's what it makes me think of.

But it technically is, like, any condition that restricts your bone growth, I think, is, yeah, it counts as a dwarfism. But we're all different. And then Midget, I think, came about in the olden days when there was all like the freak shows and that to describe dwarfs that were more proportionate. because people didn't know about all the different conditions. They were just like, well, that one doesn't look like the other dwarfs. He's proportionate. We'll call him a midget. Which I think has got a better ring to it.

So wait. But I don't know which one I would be classed as anyway, because I've got a bit of a rare one. What's, what you got? What you got? No, mine sounds horrendous. It sounds like a natural disaster. It sounds like, bam, bam, bam.

Yeah. Can you put that end after I say it? Down, down, down. And put it in... Well, wait till I say it. Okay, we'll put that in. It's coming. The condition I've got is called diastrophic dysplasia.

Yeah, sounds fucking awful, isn't it? So what? I don't know. What's the, if I was Googling it, what would it say? Um, I don't. Because you're just little. Well, yeah, I guess. What else you got?

Uh. Huge dong. I've got short thighs, man. That's nature's most beautiful optical illusion. Is the cock normal size? Well, mate, give me a few more drinks And we're going to... Is it too early five minutes to get the cock talk?

But like, yeah, like, having short thighs does wonders though Even if I did have a small cock, which obviously I don't. I've actually heard that you don't. Right. But even if I did, between these thighs, my God, dude. I've got the opposite problem. I've got long thighs and they're big as fuck. Yeah, dude, you're fine.

And then I've got normal size dick. and just in this fucking muscular trench. It looks fucking terrible. See, some guys walk around with big tick energy. I walk around with short thigh energy, man. It sort of correlates, too? Yeah, yeah, same thing. Cancels it out.

Like me being cancelled for it, saying the M word. No, it's fine. I gave you permission. Well, you know, you didn't know. It's a lot. We've just loved. We've had a history lesson. Well, we didn't really figure anything out other than...

So the M word. Yeah. What if I put an A at the end? I can say it. Mjet. that is that like Spanish I was just doing a really really risky fucking joke

oh I know what you're saying oh yeah yeah no hard odds no hard teas no so maybe Mijé that sounds even more mythical like French like French media Mijer that sounds sexy it sounds mythical though as well

yeah it sounds like a fawn no it sounds like it could be you know a box of chocolates Mijer Mijééééé really small Yeah. Well, do you know they changed the name of midget gems. They, they're just like some other bullshit gems now. Fruit, gummy gems. I think they're like, midgette jams were sick. What? I don't even know what they were. They're like little gummy sweets. They're like smaller than a wine gum.

What are they called now? Dwarf gems. No. Little person gems. That would be even more offensive. If they did call them dwarf gems, then it would have been like, indicated. This is what we meant. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I can't remember when they're called now, and they're rubbish. Well, they're still good sweets, but I don't feel like I'm, I don't feel as proud to eat them anymore. They should bring them back with you as the spokesman.

Yeah. He's an actor. We're going to get to that. The man is an actor. No, but like, in seriousness, you know, like, some people get offended by the word, and, you know, I'm not an asshole. If I'm around, like, some people, I won't use it if it's going to offend them. But I was sort of brought up to believe that.

It's not words that are offensive. It's the intent behind the word. Yeah. You can't go through life being offended by hearing words, especially if people like you, you know what I mean, you genuinely wasn't sure. So like you'd just be a dick and missing an opportunity to get to know a nice person by being like,

ah, you said midget. Yeah. Like, fuck those people. Is there a word that would offend you? No. Nothing? No. Yeah, you're a bad example, though,

because you're a fucking, laugh. You're like a fucking psycho. So it's like if I got like a so hang on what dwarf dwarf is the correct word. Yeah yeah. No one can moan at you for saying dwarf.

Bank manager. I think like there's a lot a large majority of American dwarfs like the word little people. Yeah that's what I just told it's right. That sounds so condescending. That sounds worse than midget. Oh little person. Oh little person. You know what I mean? Fuck that.

Like, that's ridiculous. That's the worst out of the bunch. It's awful. And they have like the little people in America. Like, fucking hell. Yeah. No. You just, no, your people.

I've got to ask Vinny. So Vinny who does. Oh, Vinnie? Vinny Riepalo. Yeah, I've never met him. But we've chatted on Instagram. He plays in the band. Yeah.

Seems like a lovely bloke. He does my downbeat merch in the States. Oh, nice. Andrew Doyle, who is not a... I don't know what to say, though. I'm going to ask him, what... Little person. Does he want to be called a little person?

Yeah. But I mean, that's different, like, because, you know, I understand it. Like, some people have been... They've gone up being bullied and stuff because of it. So, and then they've had that word used against them in a derogatory way, which I haven't really had, because, like, someone would be like, yeah, I know, mate.

Your shoes are shit when I was getting... You know, I mean, like, my, I was sort of... No one in my family's small. and you know if like growing up my dad would always be like if your brother can do it you can fucking do it you know northern

yeah well he's witness he's got a weird just normal give me the closest city it's close to Liverpool alright there we go but

so my mum's a scouser but we moved around a lot growing up so she's less scouse than you know she probably was but both fuck me I'm just really trying not to be offensive

of it, both full-sized people. I'm the only short-ass. And yeah, my parents used to call me short-ass. I've got short-ass tattooed on my butt. Nice. No, I haven't. I've got lazy-ass tattooed on my butt. My mum used to call me...

I've forgotten. Yeah, I know. Forget what tattoos are got. I've got a slot... He spilled beer before we started. Yeah. He had his headphones tangled on here. Blaming the tools.

Blaming the tools. Yeah, so I've got a sloth on my butt, and it says lazy ass underneath it. Nice. Because if I didn't tie in my room and stuff My mom would be like fucking lazy ass But yeah my dad used to come in short us He still does

Which is not offensive No, I'm short I didn't want to offend you by changing the chair I'm glad I didn't now I changed the mickeyes Imagine when I came in you had a high chair That would be fucking brilliant That had been offensive as fuck

But I was the whole time You're just trying to think practically Yeah I was like what I'm gonna do Have you already started Mate I've been fucking ripping it I was waiting to try these Like he made us margaritas I haven't tried yet

Try on camera, try not to spill it. While you try it, I'll talk about how we were about to sit down and he spilled it. Yeah. Blames it on the microphone. It might be the microphone. Thoughts. Oh, that's fucking good. That's one thing I'm good at in my life, mate.

Damn. I'm good at three things, drums, podcasts, and making a sweet margarita. It's bloody good, man. Strong as fuck as well. There's three shots in there. Shit. That will fucking do you. Nice.

And I did, though, I was meaning, you were a good catalyst for this because I was meaning to do this. I wanted to switch to these boom arms and I've been fucking I'm in an hour and about doing it and I thought Lee's coming I want him to be comfy nice are you comfy I'm comfy mate I'm pretty comfy I don't fuck anything up on the set up this is the last one I'm setting up myself as well this is

this is the final frontier on the set up you're too important to set things like we saw mate I don't set my drums up anymore I fucking will not be setting this up anymore I'm the talent now all right roll up and go, are we ready? Oh, why aren't we ready? Yeah. Excuse me, why aren't we ready?

Let's talk about the first time we met, because we just talked about it off camera. I forgot all about it. Yeah, yeah. You want to hit it at all? Do I, you start it? Well, we were at a Halloween party at his ex's house. You'll find out why she was an ex in a minute.

Yeah, yeah. I was dressed as Gizmo, costume my mum, mate. Full size fucking Gizmo. The best thing I've ever seen in my life. It was the hottest thing in the fucking water where. and Craig was Toxic Avenger I was like okay Man with Taste

Yeah We go We hit it off This is like I'm talking This is fucking 13 years ago Yeah Is it that

It might be more no Yeah 2009 at the Yeah 2010 at the latest Yeah yeah Yeah That's fucking crazy

Yeah I was a toxic Avenger There's a gizma A full size gizma As a full size For Gizmo Walking around And I was like

What the fuck Obviously we become mate straightway and then I was Toxic Avenger I had to toe in green paint I made a punch I don't know if you were party to the punch drinking session

I made a punch with like a whole bottle of rum and all this shit yeah drank it woke up in bed next to my ex and I didn't wasn't green anymore and I turned around to her and went oh morning babe like I don't feel too bad

I must have washed the paint off before I went to bed. I don't know if you remember this. She got up and she left the house. Fuck, I can't remember. So hang on, you actually broke up because of that. I'm beginning of the end. I reckon it was like a week afterwards.

Are you guys still, lovely girl? Yeah, yeah, we're still mates. Victoria Betts. She's already. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then like, I got up, but she left.

I said, that was weird. Left the bedroom and just noticed there's green. paint everywhere. And I've been so battered that I was just rolling around getting this green paint everywhere. Apparently she put me in the shower to wash it off me. I thought she was pissing on me and I was like, oh, I can't hit a girl to get at a stop. What can I do?

I smashed my own head into the sink and knock myself out. Oh, mate. And then she cleaned me out and put me in bed. We broke up about a week later. Nice. Lovely girl, apologies. Big apologies for that. That's good. And now we're mates and you're a straight, you're a straight, you're a straight, you're a week.

fan? No. No. Yeah, I was a straight fan before you joined as well and then it was fucking red when you joined. I was like, oh, I know him. I know him. There's a video of Drew. I wonder if I can get it. Is it on YouTube? What's that? Oh, when he threw me. Through you like a... Oh, dude, that's a fucking great story. If we can get that, yeah, yeah. I think I might be able to find it like, because someone put it on Facebook and... If you can find it later, I'll put it into the episode. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, story. So, yeah, it was the first time I met the stray guys. I think at that point, like, a few months before or whatever, I'd heard Damien,

I was like, these guys are fucking sick. What year is this? So it was a year I did Game of Thrones. So I'd done like half of my Game of Thrones filming, then had a horrible breakup, fucking perfect time. And then I had to go and finish off filming an important career thing when I was like miserable so I was like

I went and did it and then you know towards the end of it the polar boys like my mates were on a tour straight

and they knew I'd Oh I was out of show I saw it fucking happened It was the underworld Hey It was the underworld What was the underworld At that

The The throwing No Where was it It was like Notting of my thing It was like Alright

Carry on Sorry Sorry apologies Apologies Apologies So yeah I was like they were on tour Australia they'd done a few days in Europe I think

and then it was 20 2016 2015 because I joined on that tour I had the meeting to join because Dan was leaving it that's why I thought I was there because I went to the underworld okay yeah yeah so then like they knew I was like finishing off that and I think the day I got back from Belfast they got to the UK leg of the tour And it was just like a week And they were like, look Instead of going on being miserable

Jump on the tour with us You like stray And come party I was like yeah You know And uh Yeah And so they clicked with the boys as well

Had a really good time And uh Because it was like Damien that got me into them From the first day I was like Oh why aren't you playing Damian And they were like

Oh no it's an old time We don't do it Um But then because they thought I was a cool guy Like The thing is like Because you know Tom's like The serious one

He's like his dad. He doesn't drink. And it was always like, me and Drew usually the last one's up, partying all night, doing all sorts of things we shouldn't be doing. And like, yeah. And then there was one day, like, Tom took me,

he was like, leaking, leaking a hell of world in his usual fucking serious way. I was like, ah, fuck, no. Which is insane because behind the scenes he's the least serious. I know, yeah, yeah, yeah. I know exactly your voice you're talking about. But like, I thought, like, I'm about to get told off

because I'm keeping Drew up all night partying. Right. I've been told off of that a couple of times. Yeah, yeah. It was like, making me a word. I was like, fuck, I'm getting kicked off the tour. And then he was like... What was that bad?

Well, I don't know. Like, he's just... I don't know, he just had a serious tone, but it wasn't this serious chat at all. It was like, so I've been talking with the boys. I was like, oh no, they don't like me. And then he was like, so we're going to play Damien for you. I was like, oh shit! And he was like, uh...

But if we're going to do it, we want you to stage time. I was like, dude. It's a lovely sentiment, but I don't know if you've noticed. Not really built for jumping. Playing venues, you know, you've got the stage. You've got the gap with the... I was like, you can't really do the jumping, mate. And the solution was...

Yeah, so, like, basically, they were like, don't worry about that. We'll figure that out. We'll find the right venue where there's no gap or whatever. I think it was Nottingham. Played this venue. There was no gap. It was like right to the stage.

Yeah. But it's quite a low stage. So they were like, oh, we're going to do it today because there's no gap. I was like, but still, you know, when people are stood, I can't, I'm not just going to run up. If I run and try and jump, I'm just going to headbut the person in the front one in the face. It's like one of us doing a, like a vertical jump as big as ourselves. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, yeah. But then like, like, during sound chat, they were like, oh, look, we'll just like figure it out. And like, Drew, Drew, I fucking always remember the way he explained it. He was just like, Lee, you run. you run at me and I throw you I was like that's a pretty good true impression I was like what he's like you run at me and I throw you

and that was it I thought we were gonna rehearse how you're gonna be he was like no no no I was like how are you gonna grab me he was like just run at me and I throw you that sounds a good true impression and uh so then song fucking starts the gig going packed out but before like he played this

they played the song he did a big announcement The Mojews really sweet. He said lots of nice things. There's definitely a video. Yeah, yeah. He was like, you know, you don't drop my phone and all that. And he was like, made everyone come forward on it.

And then sure enough, like, the moment he puts the mic down. He looks at me. He just does this like, terrifying nod. I'm like, I guess I'm trusting him. And I'm like, blah, blah, blah, blah. And he just like, you're fucking loony tunes. Yeah, yeah. And he just like, grabs me under the armpits and just fucking lulches me.

It was sick. And then I did like a whole. like, I don't know, I went around the whole venue, back to the stage, in perfect time to start singing along with him on some drop. It was sick. First time stage diving ever. I wouldn't call it diving. Stage.

I was tossed. I was tossed off a stage. There's a word for that. The first ever stage toss off. No? A dwarf toss. Yeah, dwarf toss in. That's a thing.

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You put more away than me? No. This is a question I have about your anatomy again. It's gonna be a pew. Hey, are you got normal size organs? Apparently. That's fucking sick. All crammed in there.

Because I've seen you... It's all crammed in. I've seen you put away. Like, you party, brother. Yeah. We fell out last time we saw each other. You had a little bust up. Do you not remember?

I can't even remember. When the fuck? No, what? I'll do this sort of PG version. It wasn't even... You were in our green room. Yeah. I was there with my girlfriend.

Yeah. And another girl. Yeah. And you kept knocking on the toilet. Like, what are you guys doing in there? And I had to tell you to fuck off. You don't remember this. You can't remember that at all?

No, I was trying to go on parties. Did I interrupt a threesome? I wasn't really a threesome. What can you do in the round-dust toilets? But it was something along those lines. Well, man, a real... It was in the genre. A real friend would have invited me in.

Then it's not a freezing, mate. Then it's just two people... There's two groups of people having sex. And then there's something more... There's something more rare in a original. It's either two people having sex, side by side, or it becomes an or two. Then it's a three and a half some, mate.

We have to... It's a unique experience you missed out on there. I didn't realize you were grumpy with me. I was like, Craig, what are you doing? I'm trying to say goodbye and see what people are up to. See, mate... I was trying to get... Went right over my head.

I'm trying... Oh! Skad on, boom. I love that you described as we fell out. I was completely oblivious. We didn't really fall out. I had to go, Lee, give me a minute, like a stern dad. Maybe I thought you were having a poo or something.

We're two girls in there. I don't know. That's the kind of thing I'm into. Speaking of girls. Yeah. You ever get, like, girls have, like, a fetish for it? I don't really know. Like, never, like, sometimes you suspect it.

I don't think it's ever really something that, like, they bring up directly. I think maybe if they did, I'd be a bit, like, I don't know. I can't remember a time where they've been like explicitly I want to fuck you because you're a midget. No, that's never happened. But I imagine probably some of them have hidden it and that's what, no, I like to think I get laid a lot

just because of my... No, you definitely do. My natural charisma. You definitely a shagger. Charisma. You definitely a shagger, I know this much about you. But I'm just wondering because in all other sorts of like uniqueness.

Yeah, yeah. There's trans people whatever there's like fetishizing of it. Yeah, so it must exist. Yeah, and more yeah of course it fucking does. There's like there's porn categories for it, ain't there? Is there? Well, yeah I'll have a look. Oh, there's there's one girl you're well fit I can't, she's like a power lifter. I mean, I mean, I mean, there's a few, but there's one that I've seen. She's like a power lift a girl. Um, she's she's fit. Yeah. I don't know.

We might be talking about the same one. Let me see if I can put it up. Keep talking to. Yeah. So, I said I only started meeting other height, struggling folks. I'm the same, carry on saying midget. You can say midget? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'll just say it. What if I'm singing a song and I say it? So I keep bringing it back. I keep bringing it back to the other really, really bad words. What if I'm just singing along? I got a funny story about that, anyway. Well, which funny story you want to give me? You want to give me that one or you want to give me her?

Okay, but, okay, I'll just finish your one. Wait, her, her username is power underscore midget. It's a powerlifting midget. Oh, fuck, I said, I said it. She said it and you said it. Oh, I follow her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, I've seen it.

Yeah, yeah, she's fit. No, I follow it. I feel like I recognize her from back in the day. I don't know. Anyway, yeah. Lots of mutual friends. But I don't think, I don't know if she's a real one. I think she's just a short girl.

I don't know. What's the criteria? You have to have a condition, I think. Oh, really? You can't be short as fuck. You can't just, like, pretend you're in the club. So she's practically, I don't know. I don't know the girl.

She might have a condition. Doorface. I was going to say something like, yeah, something like that. I don't know. But like, maybe she does. Like, yeah, I don't fucking know. She's very short, apparently. I thought there was just.

I haven't seen I stood next to anyone though, so I can't really tell. The, the bios is very short. Yeah. But I thought the rule was like... No, it's not... It's just a size. I've heard that... No, you have to have a condition for it to be a dwarfism,

to be able to be called a dwarf. You can't just be fucking short. No, because, yeah, you get fake ones. I don't know. Like, you're actually... You are the only person I know. But, yeah. Actually, Vinnie as well, right?

I wouldn't trust my, uh, my knowledge on it all. But then she, surely, if she doesn't have it, she can't use the M word. I like it. It's rock and roll. I think good for her. Shout out power midget. Yeah. I said it's what, I've said it so many times.

I'd like to meet up with her. Let's see if she could bench press me. I've been, she'd definitely, that too, she can fucking bench press me. Um, but yeah, like, so I didn't start meeting other, other little folk until, like, their 20s, whatever. Because I was in, like, a long relationship from, like, 18 to 20, 17 to 23 or some shit. Right. 17 to 23.

Yeah, fucking right. She had a fetish. Huh? She had a fetish. No, actually, like, with her, like, I actually caught her one, like, with her mate. I'm like, oh, yeah, fucking, I can't stand short guy. Short guy just say, like, oh. Are you fucking kidding?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was like, what the fuck? What the fuck? And she was like, no, you're different. You've got an excuse. It's different. I can't stand short guys. but it's different with you.

I was like, that makes no sense. I'm the shortest guy. Yeah, but she said, like, I don't, like, to her, I don't put her off. She doesn't see me as, like, a short guy. She sees me as like, oh, he's only short because he's got something wrong with him or whatever. A mythical creature. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's a mythical creature.

Yeah, but, like, she hates short guys. And then, fair enough, when we split up, she went and married, like, a six-foot-six rugby player. So, yeah, she clearly did. How tall are you? Four-foot, bang on. That's a tidy height. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm like the modern streamlined design of a man, you know? Aerodynamic. Drewsh, Drew's proof. Yeah, yeah. It's fucking straight through. Yeah. But no, yeah, so she hated short guys, but she was dating me. Yeah.

Where was you going with the other thing? Other. Oh, yeah, so after her, like, I saw this documentary. So I'd met one drunk dwarf in a bar, and I found it really fun. Because, like, as a kid, until everyone hit puberty, you know. I was like, yeah, I'm sure of them my mates and all that. Yeah. And then, like, I'd see, like, dwarf adults,

and I'd be like, mom, look, there's a little man. He's a little man. Fascinated, human nature, right? Yeah. Not really, sort of understanding fully. Yeah. Like, I was told, but it didn't really click. You know, and then everyone hits puberty.

I'm like, what the fuck's going on here? And why's there? The beard comes. The beard comes, but the height doesn't. Yeah, yeah. What were all my mates doing it? Did your, so your parents didn't know? No, they knew, like, right from the start. They knew.

But I know, but, no, but, well, they did, but it just wasn't ever, like, a thing. Yeah. Like, because I think, like, this documentary I saw is, like, they have these annual get-togethers. And, uh, and, which is a great thing because it's, like, it's there to support parents that have dwarf kids who need to learn about things or whatever, you know. But my parents, my dad was in the army, so we moved around a lot, just didn't ever know any other short-asses at school. I was just told to get on with it. I had a big scary brother who apparently would beat up anyone that I thought I never got bullied because I thought I was just cool as fuck

your brother was the bouncer apparently so but nah I'm bullshit I call bullshit I mean I mean the thing is though you're funny and I feel like doesn't matter what if funny people would never get bullied I used to I actually like getting fights as a kid because I could fight back because the height difference wasn't too much I now got no chance scrappy dude does all right I know like but no like remember that I'll link into the game you asked me to set up for later

yeah yeah yeah but yeah anyway saw this documentary I was like fuck I didn't realize all these guys get together as an annual thing and do activities I was like well that sounds like fun so I went from having met one drunk and dwarf at a bar

to seeing this documentary you know when you watch a fascinating documentary he left me out, wow, I wonder what that life would be like. But then I was like, I'd be allowed to go. Did you go? I fucking went. Where was it? I booked it.

It was like, uh, shit, shit. Peterborough or something. The first one I went to. There's random hotel and it was booked out entirely by midgets, dwarves. You say whatever you want, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, but yeah, I'm saying.

Um, so then suddenly I'm in this hotel reception, surrounded by people like, I was like, oh, shit. It was just fascinating, you know? But then... What size were all the chairs and shit? There's normal. I was just regular...

They didn't change the whole hotel. But, like, they all did activities and stuff. I don't know. I thought it was quite wholesome. You know what? Yeah. Let's all get together and do activity. I thought it was quite sweet.

But you'll get into the point. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. But then like, no, no, I didn't. I didn't there. Like, as I turned up to that, like, with a regular high girl. And then, like, you know, I went to like... They say, get out.

You're not welcome here. You're free. But then, like, I went to another one, which was like an adult's weekend. Right? Oh, here we go. So I went, and that was in Brighton, so I went down. And I went out one... Brighton.

Yeah, right? No, but I went out one night and then, like, they'd booked a table at this fucking club. And it was all roped off as if, like, segregated, like, keeping us separate from... That's fine. Yeah, so I turned out, that made me feel uncomfortable, right? I thought it was just going to be there being normal people. So we're all roped off from the normos, as if we're, like... Yeah, and I was like, no, that's not, that's not me.

So, like, I went off, like, went downstairs and, like, just clubbing. I ended up making out with three fucking hot guys. girls, obviously. Nice. And then like, but then some of the other little dudes that were there were then just like,

well, how old they, what do you do? And then next fucking night they've literally latched on to me following me everywhere. I was like, dude,

cramping my style, mate. Yeah. Like, it's not gonna work. If a girl suddenly confronted by an army of fucking midgett and like,

like three of you taking notes behind me when I try and chat you up, like, no. I'm gonna fucking do. Thinking about the fucking visuals of that. Yeah. Not only.

But like they're cock-blocking motherfuckers. I was like, look, you've got to just go off and do your own thing. Just, hey, guess what? It's no different. Like, just their people, you're a person, just talk to them, your dickhead. But, like, if you're suddenly confront them in the gaggle of dwarfs, it's not going to work, is it? Yeah. Like, it's, like, it's, like, it's, it's, it's already a unique, like,

they've probably never been chatted up by a little guy before, but there's techniques you've got to use, like, like. What's the technique? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. No, no, no, I've got, like, just shit that I didn't really. It's only like shit that like I realized afterwards like what I just naturally did. But I think it was just a subconscious of make taking away Like just making things comfortable. You know, like I'm like I'm not I'm not a sort of I know I'm not fucking Brad Pitt Like I can't I'm good looking though. Thanks man. You're good looking dude, but like you're jumping like I hate it when I hear guys doing like the proper like sleaze like oh hey baby I don't like

I've never been that either no right or like sounding like just straight up too thirsty and like fuck that right and I'm aware like hey first time a girl meets me they're probably not thinking oh who's this hug of a man

I might fuck him later right but they're probably I have got the advantage of like oh he seems interesting and people seem to like him he seems fine I want to talk to him so I get the advantage of like girls wanting to talk to me first yeah which is cool

yeah Right? But then it's like, don't put them like, don't then just go like, well, I've got to put everything like, hey, how about just see what they're like as a person and see if you want to, yeah, you might not be interested in that way. They might just be a cool new friend, you know? It's the same as like someone who's like, usually not into guys with long air, but I've got talking to this guy with long air. It's really nice. Like, it's the same kind of shit. But then it's like, I always do this thing like, because sometimes if it's at a gig or whatever, if it's like loud. If I stood in a circle of people Like Meant's catching up Everyone's all like

Catching up up there Not realizing how hard it is for me to hear So I'll often be like Yeah You know what I mean in a loud place But then like If a girl comes to talk to me like And they have to like kneel down

Like I'm like I don't want them to like That's different or uncomfortable for them Is that not kind of hot Like yeah You know You said it No no but I always like

I'm always like Let's go find somebody to sit down so I'll find somewhere quiet and then they'll sit down but I'll stand up so that the whole time we're talking we're eye to eye so then they're getting to know me

on a normal level as if you know they usually would with a tall guy just but I just I never thought about the fact that I did that until like years after I was like oh yeah that's what I always do but I think just naturally I realized

take away the uncomfortability I don't want someone uncomfortable kneeling down for me and I want to be like comfortably eye to eye talking to them. Yeah, I mean. And like, that's the, like, the fucking, it's just be fucking normal, comfortable.

Yeah, pretty fucking normal. You ain't got one, like, mad. I've got a sick move. Yeah, that's what I was going to say. I knew, I knew it, because I swear in my head, I've fucking seen it, and I'm like, this guy's talking shit right now. No, I'm literally, I've got the worst chat blind, but it's all about

the timing of when to deliver it, right? I'm in the bar. I'm in the bar. I'm a girl. No, no, no. So like I said, like I'll do the, like, you'll come up to me, you'll kneel. Thanks for the margarita. Yeah, you'll kneel down. Thank you. I'll be like, I'll be like, bless her.

Like, knees are getting so. That it's me. It's me. It's me. Bless him. Bless him. No. Um, I'm, for the purposes of this.

I'm the girl in question. We've sat down. Thanks for the margarita. No, no, it won't work because it takes time to get there. No, because the key is, right? I'll do the whole thing. We're chatting eye to eye to eye, right? Yeah.

And so then like. Which we are, by the way. Yeah. So, like, after a while, I can see when, like, body language changes. They've stopped seeing me as like, oh, never talk, never spoke to a dwarf before. They're suddenly relaxed and they get a bit of flirting. You know? What I like, I turn up a little bit of flirt, too, right?

But then, like, when I know, like, I was just hitting them out of nowhere. Because I hate you when I hear guys, like, ask, like, can I kiss you? It's like, don't be a bitch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or, like, don't just be like, just don't close your eyes and move in slow motion. That's fucking weird. You know, I was just presenting like, hey, I've got a fun idea. So literally, my line that I always throw out there,

because only when I know, like, the timing is like, hey, we should make out. Nice. Not like, hey, can I keep like, hey, we should make out? Just like, I've got a fun, fun idea. Yeah. That's it. It's so. I'm not turning that down.

And that's why it didn't work here. Yeah, hey, listen. Because we wouldn't have to do it for you. But like, yeah, like, my mate, Steve, you know, Steve. Yeah. I remember one time he saw me do it in a club. And like it worked. And he was just dying laugh and he was like, whoa, well, dude.

Did I just fucking hear you say, hey, we should make out? I was like, yeah. I'm sure I can't do it as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he was like, that's the shittest thing I've ever heard. And I can't believe it worked. I was like, why though? I just like, I'm just made a fun suggestion.

Yeah, it works fucking perfect. Yeah. Oh, what about post? And obviously, we'll get into this at some point. If you're watching this because you're a massive fucking nerd that loves comic books. We'll get to that. What about Post Joker? Oh, yeah, obviously, yeah, that's a lot.

Yeah. Yeah! Yeah! The boy! Yeah. Yeah, obviously that helps. And like, you know, like, if I'm like, if a girl's really hot, you know, and I feel like, damn, she isn't me, like, maybe if I'll try and press her, sometimes I've been like, I've seen Joker. You don't recognize you?

Wait, come, I don't really look like Gary from day today. If you shaved your head, like, fuck. I have got to show. No, but like Gary's got to grow my... Yeah, I had to have shit. But like, you know what I mean? Like, occasionally I've thrown it out there. Have you seen Joker?

Why not? I'm... Surely, and the best thing about Joker is it's golf girls. They've all seen Joker. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They all fucking seen it. That's me. Can't get to the fucking latch.

That's me. Wanna make out? Yeah. Hmm. fucking 808 drops. That's me, like the impressive statement, me who couldn't reach the latch. That's an iconic scene though.

Oh, that turned me on when you were too short to get out of the door. Wait, best scene in the fucking movie though. It was all right, yeah. Best fucking scene. Yeah. It was the best one for me because I was there. I enjoyed it. Yeah, but it's a big fucking scene.

Yeah. It's like iconic moment. Yeah. Did it like, like, what was that like? Obviously, I knew that you were in Game of Phones. People don't know. Yeah. In Game of Thrones, you were the,

there was like a traveling group of people that were parodying what had happened to Joffrey and all the other shit. Yeah, yeah. So we were like... You were Tywin. Tyrion. Tyrion.

Yeah. Tywin's his dad in it. Yeah, yeah. So, yeah. It was one of the last things that George R.R. Martin wrote in the books. It was a tool, basically, because Ari has been off on their own little world, an adventure. Yeah.

And they needed to bring her back in. But she's obviously got no idea. about any of the big events that have been happening. So it was a clever bit of writing just to very quickly get her up to speed so that they could bring her back for the rest of it. Yeah. So yeah, they filmed it. It was the last thing that he'd written.

And then after that, you know, the series overtook the books and then you don't know how people felt about that. Yeah. But it did get him. You can't say it because they employed you, but it got shit. I watched it all where they got shit. Well, who knows? what? Who knows?

Nice. Politician. Not only a dwarf, he's a politician. Actor. Yeah. And then, so did Joker come from that or what? No, no. You audition for Joker?

Yeah, of course. Yeah, you have to audition for everything, man. Was it, what did the, because I've been for some auditions in my days, and I never tell you what it actually fucking is. What did it say? No. So I've told it was a Warner Brothers project.

They're big. Yeah. You can be Bugs Bunny. That's a big company. You'll be fucking Almer Fudd. You make a fucking good live action Elma Fogg.

Elma Fudd? Yeah, I'll take that. Actually, you know what? It's only because you got these on. It looks like his shooting muffs. I was like, wait a minute. I was right, but it's just these.

Anyone would. Okay, front of enough. All right, Warner Brothers movie. Yeah. Obviously, all the, like, there was no title and all the character names had changed and stuff like that.

And, and yeah. Got sent it It was The weekend of Slamdunk I think it was And my buddy Steve Sikowsky

Always helps me With my auditions He's a great actor He studied in a You know He's on proper Studying I'll wing it

Nice So he's a good Person to have on board For like If he tells me It's shit I believe him Nice

You know But yeah We went to a slam dunk Partied and stuff And then Rare Me yeah men we only had like the day after

You know we had a few hours to film it But he was meant to be having a night With his his fiancee now Rue lovely girl But she understood a potentially big opportunity She just let me come around and Ruin that night And me and Steve filmed this audition

No idea what it was So did he play Yeah play Arthur And it was the name not Arthur No What was it? Jack It was Jack

Kind of cool because maybe like Jack Nicholson reference. Oh, that's fucking cool. And then what was your character? Um, I think he might have actually still been caught Gary. I have to check. It's pretty normal name,

unless you are into comics and then if you know Gary, if you know, is it Gabby? You're thinking of gaggy. Gaggy? Yeah, so there's a fan conspiracy that Gary might become gaggy. Which is one of Joker's...

It was his very first sidekick. Yeah, that's what I remember. And then he got jealous. of Harley Quinn and he ends up killing Harley Quinn in the comic book. Really? Yeah. He tricks, so, uh, Joker's in the asylum and, uh, he tricks her into thinking that he's got out and she's a meet, but he doesn't like the fact this.

Are you in the second one? I'm not allowed to talk about anything to do with future movies. Like, the thing is, if we did talk about it, you know, anything to do with future movies, it's not, you know, they haven't done any marketing and anything. And even me saying I'm not in it It's in a way You know what I mean because I think because my NDA from the first one would still count Right

Because it cares with all And like I wouldn't get it wouldn't be on your back It'll be on my back You know so I'd be the one getting it, John Do you know, where did I leave my kid? My sick I don't know So you got

Jack and Gary Yeah anyway we did the self-tape audition but as we were going through we're like this is something fucking special we're like this has got to be something good so then we took ages on it until we got something we were really happy with

sent it off and a few weeks later I was in Germany I was shooting a film with Tilschweger fucking lad amazing German actor but I was over there and I got a phone call from my agent saying

that everyone else that's gone for this Warner Bella's project that I know of has been told they haven't got it and they've called me about you saying they absolutely love your audition and please keep all of his dates free for like the filming period and everything like we can't give you an answer at the moment but right now we're very interested please keep all of his dates free.

So I was like, well, that sounds pretty fucking promising, right? So I'm certainly up there as like, you know, one of the top few choices, right? And I was like, there's a lot of people in America that have also auditioned, and they may have had the opportunity to audition in person. And sometimes there is a bit of advantage to that in that you get to make an impression of, like, you could show them that you're the type of person that they would enjoy working with, right? And also, like, to hire me from the UK.

Yeah, he was going to say, like, you've got to be fucking good, let me tell you that. No, but like, they had to, like, it would, there's, so let's say that it was me, let's say I was their favourite, but there was a close second who was a fucking lovely guy when they met him, and they've never met me, right? And doesn't need an 01, doesn't need a worse shit. Yeah, they don't need to pay thousands for a fucking 01.

They don't need to pay first class, they, the water runs treat you. Oh, man. You don't even fucking need it. Yeah, dude. I need the leg room. Wait, you could have that full fucking sit down bed and you've got fucking, you're going to have two of you.

I had a fucking great night's sleep. I was rolling around. I was starfish. But no, so I was like, look, I don't want, like, I was like, it seems like very positive. I was like, but if there's a close second, that's just easier to hire. And they were a lovely bloke in person.

They could just go for them. I was like, so whilst they still making this decision, I need to get my ass to New York where they were doing pre-production. So I immediately booked a one-way ticket to New York and told my agent to lie to them and say, Lee happens to be visiting friends in New York. And while he's there, why don't you see him? So I thought, oh, you clever, motherfucker.

Yeah, man, like, is it my frigging light? This is what I want to do for my life, you know? so I was like I was like you fucking psycho I back it I couldn't afford to do it we should make out

hey we should make out let's turn up we should make out yeah that's what I did I made out with Todd and I got the roll no

no we go no so yeah so I got my head to lie and they believed it and they swallowed it right out

so I thought like best case and I was like well hopefully someone in casting will meet me. I was like, best case scenario casting director, right? So I booked a flight,

I booked a few days in an Airbnb. I mean, I just, I was like, hopefully they'll see me quick because I can't afford this shit. And then a couple, I was there like a day or two and it came back. Todd had found out that I was in New York

and he insisted that he sees me himself. How long can I stay in New York? Because obviously he's super busy doing pre-production and he wasn't free for 10 days so I had to spend 10 days in New York In the Airbnb or did you switch no no so like get this so I'd only booked a few days in the Airbnb But then like the day I arrived there got a message off an old mate Justin legend Justin who now plays A guitar for Florence the Machine. Oh wow. Yeah, yeah back then he was like he worked for her like touring like teching and all that always happens

Yeah. So he used to work with V-Man for Iron Maiden and shit. Oh, cool. They know each other from that one. But yeah, Justin was like, Lee, mate, I'm in New York. Florence is releasing the new album. We've got a fancy hotel. Like, stay with us. So I just parted with Justin for a week.

Amazing. Yeah, yeah. It was cool. And then... Metward Todd. Met with Todd. He's the fucking boy! He's like the coolest geezer. We just hit it off.

and left still again I want to but I was like there's no way after that I haven't got it how long

till you got about a week after I was going through hell days I'd like but like when I was over there I was like I was like dad

you can pay my rent right yeah yeah yeah he was like yeah he knew what I was there he was like yeah you do it you get that's such a good story

yeah but it worked I got it but then get this at the LA premiere joker at the end of it

like I mean I should have it was going to get nominated for stuff but I thought oh it might be the last time I get to see Todd yeah I was like hey man like this has been amazing thanks for the opportunity and he was like Lee shut the fuck up I'm like really yeah yeah and then like he did me somewhere quite he was like Lee shut the fuck up what he's trying to thank me for he made me feel like an idiot and he was like dude I looked at almost 200 auditions for this role the moment I saw yours he was like we were all sending emails

around saying Lee Lee I was like my that is the fucking yeah I was yeah I was yeah I was yeah I was yeah Holy shit, yeah, I was like, you're kidding me. I was like, dude, remember I was in New York for Zem Friends? I wasn't, I wasn't. I was like, I did that to try and get a role. I couldn't afford to be there. He was like, oh, sorry, dude, you already had the role. I was like, oh.

Yeah, but still, like, you doing that is so fucking punk. Man, I saved so much money. You did get it back. You didn't get it back from being in the fucking Joker. Yeah, of course, yeah. But no, it was like, but it actually, it was a lovely, like, just having that unexpected week's holiday

with my old mate Justin was lovely you know what I mean we're just like because he was doing like ended up in an Oscar winning me oh yeah yeah okay did it win an Oscar

well Joaquin won one and we won more for the yeah that's winning the score yeah two Oscars mate mate you've been in an Oscar winning movie

Academy Award mate I found all so many Oscars well on Oscars yeah on Oscars no I was going around just anyone I saw I was like can I have an old can I hold it

who was on his table um at the Warner Brothers thing We didn't really sit down at the Warner Brothers thing Okay What about the Oscar? Did you go to the Oscars?

Like the Oscars After Party Warner Brothers thing Yeah Yeah wasn't it Like the ceremony Didn't go to the ceremony Ceremony Um

But like immediately after that It phil was into all the Parties So they went to the Warner Brothers party And then the Vanity Fair party Which is the main party Yeah Um

Meet anyone mad Fucking so many mad people Who'd you meet? I have my cheeks squires by Shaka Khan. Really? Well, your ar's cheeks? No, my face cheeks. I was going to say, otherwise, but a fresh cancellation there.

Yeah, yeah, no, no. It was you meet. You must have met some mad people. Yeah. Mate, everyone was there. You couldn't look anywhere without seeing, like, A-listers. But, like, you don't walk around being, like, excited about it. Yeah, it's the same.

It's like, the first time you play, like, a big festival. Yeah. You're like, you'll see whoever, and you're not, like, I'm going to go over there and say hello. I thought it would be a fucking punisher. Just put me on your. next fucking album or movie. Yeah, yeah.

Do you get stuff off the back of Joker? Probably. Like, you don't mean, I don't ask like, oh, what, what was it, what did this come from? But yeah, obviously. I mean, it's got to be, because it's really, you mean, like, stuff I get is probably because they, oh, it's that guy.

Size of the movie. But then, like, my, my, my, my day rate. Yeah. I love the boys, either shagging or getting money. Or being mentally stable and all that shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, day, yeah.

But, day, rate? Boom. Yeah. Worth something now. Yeah, yeah. Love it. So I did two very big movies last year.

One we can talk about. Okay, one we can't talk about. What's the one we can talk about? It's called Blitz. Wait, before we get into Blitz, yeah. Did you meet Pacino? Did I make that up?

Yeah, I met Pacino. What'd you do? Go up to him? No, I didn't go up to him. No, I was invited like, so. On Joker One, I became very good friends with The lovely producer, Emma Tillinger Koskoff.

You've only been in one, Joker, so just call it Joker. Of Joker, yeah. Go on, carry on. Yeah, see what you doing there. Yeah, so, yeah, on Joker, the Joker movie that I was in. Yep. When I was there for, like, so like a week before I started shooting, I went in for, like, a costume fitting day in New York.

and I think it must have been there on a day when like everyone happened to be there so I was like introduced about 30 old people this is such and such this is their job title you know what I mean? Impossible to remember all of those names and job titles

and uh yeah one of them was a lady called Emma very friendly very lovely um and then I remember like coming up and you know a little waiting bit whilst they're doing little change arounds and stuff on set there's a little

obviously I had a massive trailer too did you didn't need that either fuck off that's me just being silly but no there's a little waiting area just close to set for stuff like that

but then like there's a big snack table and you know I'm a bitch guy there was always every day different snacks American snacks they're fucking mad for it I love but like just like on some days like this friendly smiley

lovely lady Emma who I remember meeting on the costume fan but like she comes in a little bit oh hi how are you and stuff like I'm like have you ever even tried these things but then just chatting normal like an all-humour being like to a friendly lovely lady sit down you want to make out

hey let's make out no carry on no and then yeah so she's become my mate she was just friendly lovely lady I didn't fucking know what I'd job type would so like I found out like on

right towards it isn't it I was like, fine, she's a producer. It's the main producer. It's like Scorsese's right-hand woman. But like, we just got to know each other as real people. And she's literally the loveliest lady. And then like at the premiere got to meet her, like her husband and her kids and stuff. Like she's just so sweet and so cool.

But we just became like really good buddies on the film. And after the LA premiere, it was about a week later, I was back home. And she was like, Lee, please tell me you're back in London. Yeah, everyone in America thinks you live in London. Yeah, yeah. I was like, yeah, I'm back in London. Wait, where'd you live? Surrey.

That's London. Yeah, it's London. I tell everyone I live in London. I live in a different country. Yeah, yeah. I can be in London next week. Yeah, yeah, sure, no problem. But she was like, good, because I want to take you as my special guest to the Irishman premiere.

Fuck. Yeah, because I want to introduce you to Marty. I was like, oh. Wow. Scorsesey? She was like, yes. I was like, brilliant. No biggie then.

So you met him as well? Yeah, yeah, he knew who I was. Mate, that's the coolest shit any of my friends has ever done. Fuck all the other friends. Fuck you. Most successful friend. No, not at all, though.

No, at all, though. Fuck off. What else has met fucking Scorsese? Well, yeah, but I like, I know. But yeah, and then turn up to the meal thing after it was a little bit. But guess who else was fucking early? Good old Alpachino.

For dinner? Just you two. It's a fucking meat. My, my, Steve was with me. There's like a few people there. Just like a little sit next to Alpacchino.

I can try to just play cool. No, no fucking big deal. We're just a couple of actors having all durs and champagne. No big deal. What's he like? He was lovely. Is he?

I literally, in my head, he's just heat Pugino. Yeah, at all times. But he was so great ass. But like he said some like real Alpuccino shit which really like yes made it. I got the true Alpuccino experience.

I felt so satisfied. So like my awkward little segue into starting to conversation and stuff. So like some other people are like he was finishing off a conversation with some other people about Irishman because you know it was the night of celebrated Irishman and he was talking about something a scene with him and De Niro. And then, you know. So, man, on a table, fucking people were saying about that. So, like, I sat down next to Al.

And, you know, you know, when you're joining in the tail end of conversation, it was smiles and I was like, ah, ha, yeah, yeah. And I like, yeah, so, because he was talking about DeNero, I was like, oh, I actually just did a film with Bob too. Did you actually? Yeah, Joker, Bobby D. Oh, fuck, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. I was like, in my head I'm thinking this is a poor joker. Yeah, no, I'm not bullshit. Yeah, yeah. You said, you said Bob. Yeah, yeah, because he was calling him Bob. So I was like... Does everyone call him Bob? Yeah, it's Bob.

Did you call him Bobby D? No, I didn't. No, I didn't. I just said, hello. I just said, hello. Hi there. You want to make out? Hello.

Hey, you want to make out? No, no, no, do you want to? No, you never, I was just like, hey, we should make out. Oh, okay. Hey, we should make out. I got a casual cool idea Hey Bobby D

let's make it And he went Yeah Okay No so I was just like Oh yeah I just I actually just did a

A movie with Bobby too Oh yeah That's a great Puccino Motherfucker That's so good Which film Which movie

I come out with I was like Oh yeah Continue the Pachino Yeah yeah yeah A joker He was like Oh

I haven't seen it Oh Hey Yeah I've been told It's a good movie Whatever Like some shit

We chatted We chatted And then You know I was there for ages Like we're just like Shooting the shit With Scarface

No Biggie That's fucking crazy Bro I wish I had some cocaine on me To do with it But I don't know If you would have done it

Like You know what I mean There's got So many Like So few He's so fucking Old bro

You reckon He's still racking up Did he even? I did it in the movie. Well, I don't know. Did they do it? No, but do you know what I mean? Yeah.

Imagine, yeah. I met a fucking party like... Puccino's there. I was like, oh, I'm hogging Al Pacino. Alright? You don't want to be the guy that hogs Pacino, dear? You don't want to be that guy. Me and we're getting on swimming, right?

We're having a great old time. So it's that to fill out and I was like, I'll do a mingle, I'll do a mingle. Right, cool. I was Stephen Graham. I've done a film with him. Really? I've done a great film and

yeah he was there obviously he's in the Irishman too yeah so I saw him lovely guy and then Emma turn up my Emma producer from Joker

my snack buddy snack buddy from Joker she turns out with old Marty just casual so insane Marty and then she

yeah took me over and he was like oh hey great job on the film like Emma's me so much about you. There's no way you don't get a Scorsese

after that. What? There's no way you don't get in a Scorsese film after that. But what movies he might be the fucking short

hasn't? You want to have a drink? You want a shot? Let's do a fucking shot. Yeah. No, no, don't cut there

because I was finishing the Scorsese. All right, finish the story in my other shot. So yeah, Scorsese knew what I was. That was fucking lovely. Right?

And then, you know, Mingling. I'm a mingler. Mingled. You are a fucking mingled. Mingold, right? And then at something point, right?

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. That's not a word. Midgler is not an offensive word. It's the new word. That's the new word. That's what you're singing in the songs. Yeah, so then this big gentleman tap me on the shoulder, oh hi.

It was obviously Alpachino's Alpuccino. Yeah, stop saying that. You give me drunk. I'm sorry, keep going. I've just learned you've got the same size organs as me though, so there's no excuse. Yeah, yeah.

So yeah, this big. gentleman who was obviously looking after Mr. Pacino, said, hi, Mr. Pacino is leaving, but he's asked me to find you before he goes so he could take it by. Would you mind waiting there? I'm like, yeah, of course.

You're the fucking king of the castle. Right, and then he came up and he was like, oh, hey, kid, I got a go, but I'm going to go watch a clown movie. Clown movie. You said clown movie? Yeah, yeah, he's got to go. He's got to go watch a clown movie, because he hasn't seen it yet, but he was like,

oh, hey, kid. I'm a, I gotta go, but I'm gonna go, watch your clown movie. This is the most insane shit anyone's ever done that I know. I just hope when he saw it is like, oh hey, say hello to my little friend. Right now let's get a shot. And we're back with the white rush. And do they actually do that?

The clacker thing still happen. Yeah. Really? Yeah. I thought it would be time code now. Mate, you still got to get the little noise. I don't fucking know. Do you get any cool trinkets after the Joker?

You get me some trinkets? So I learned something. Go on. Like, you've got to steal some shit. What'd you steal? After Joker. The single Joker movie is in it. The single Joker movie of Vinny.

Like, you know, like, so, uh, Warkin sent me, like, lovely rap gift. You know, and I tried to be posh then. So in American, they say Waking. I say Wacken. Yeah. What would I even say? My old mate, Wackers. Wackin, yeah, I'd say Wachin.

Yeah, Wachin, Wackers. But like, they say, they say, Wachin, he's all right, yeah. He is right. It's between him and Pacino. You know him fucking both, bro. Mims and my buds. Oh, yeah.

What did he send you? All right. First White Russian ever. Mm. Oh, hey, man. I know it's me trying to be the dude. I can get a fucking robe if you want. Yeah.

No, that's fucking good, actually. It's supposed to be with, like, cream instead of milk, but we only have milk. Do you want to go bowling? I fucking... Cheers. Cheers. I love you, mate. Thanks for coming.

You too, man. Mm. I fucking. That's actually lovely. I love a white Russian. I'm a white Russian apologist. Racist. White, right.

No, no. That's white, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. Call anyone white. You can't, you probably can't call people Russian these days? Can you? You fucking woke. Oh, you.

You're Russian. Indians. Oh, it's a white Ukrainian. I'm not fucking going there. I'm not fucking going there. Not going there. Zero opinion. No.

I mean, I've got an opinion. I'm not going on here. And cut that out. And. Nah. Keep it in, because people will know I'm just fucking dumb. Rug and roll. Wait, what did Joaquim?

I'm going to call him Joaquin. You're doing an M at the end. There's an N. Joaquin. Okay. Wachim. Isn't Joaquin? No, it's an N.

No, it's an N. No, like, he sent me this. So, like, as he was, as we were filming, you know, because he does his whole Mepard thing, he's pretty strange to be around when you're filming, you know. Is he method? I didn't know that. Yeah, I don't really fucking know what method is to be honest It's one of them people who have like, it's a little method

You know what I'm not? What is it? Basically he goes so deep into the character It's um he loses himself a bit you know Um the other joke so when yeah so like that's my understanding of method of experiencing like just seeing somebody like that work to that level and it blew my fucking mind because I have always thought like there's no like acting is one of those skills where there isn't one right way to do it one wrong way to it any acting teacher that tries to tell you there is they're fucking right because acting is about um the end product and suspending disability like you so like if there's a character there's written a certain way

right and you as a human being has to believably become that person to everyone watching right that takes a different route for every person because we all start out as different people yeah yeah so you as an actor what I've realized is you have to and there's value in

paying attention to everyone around you and what they do and you can learn something from everyone. I've learned something from a random extra I saw in a film. What do you learn? Like, you still don't tell me what Joaquin gave you as a rap extra. Oh yeah. Right, off camera before that cut, we had a shot and it's fucked me up.

Yeah, yeah. Like, I know, like, he's trying to, he's really trying to test out if my liver's the same size. It is, I know it is. No, it's just all crammed in. Yeah, I know, but, all, okay. No, but hang on. But hang on. But hang on.

The one thing that is smaller, my blood system, obviously, you've got less blood in me. You've got the same heart. Same size heart and liver. But I must have less blood in me because I've got short limbs. My organs are the same. Oh, yeah, I guess so big, bigger people. Do you know what I mean? It's my blood system.

My blood system is true. So I'm getting, it's like I'm getting a kid drunk right now. No, no, no, fucking, like, I can handle my boots. I know you can. Yeah. After a certain point. What, it seems as anyone, really. Yeah.

Yeah. Same as any child, I get, that. Same as any child. Tell me the one thing. O'y, the shot was a fucking bad idea. No, it was a great idea. Hang on. No, no.

No, no. We need to, this is why. This is the last episode I'm doing without Simon in the back there. We'll be producing this. Oh, mate, it's going to get boring. No, it's not. He's just going to. Don't get any.

Any school teachers saying let go shots. We can literally. Man, Simon, don't be a fucking party pooper. We can go off on a tangent and we can go, Simon. Don't be a party pooper, Simon. What the fuck were we talking about? And he'd be back there with a microphone. He won't have a camera because I can't afford it yet.

I've got to come back. I've got to come back later in the year to talk about an exciting film that we've not been allowed to talk about today. With Alpertino, Scorsese. They're not in it. Tell me about. You were about to say I learned something from an ex-examination. No, I said you can learn.

Oh, okay. I thought that was a story. Anyway, then you were going to tell me... Yeah, I was struggling then. No, but I actually try. I put attention to people. You don't give a fuck about extras anymore. I don't look at extras. No, no, no, no, that's a wanker thing to say.

No, but you can learn something from everyone. Do extras get treated like shit? Like in extras, the TV show. Also, Warwick Davis. I wouldn't like to be treated like an extra. No, really? It's a bad. No, no, no, no.

they don't get treat bad at all. But I've got very used to having my own huge trailer. Because I don't fucking need. My fucking trailer on that last movie I did that I can't talk about. Whoa! Little fucking mansion.

Oh, it's a lovely little flat. No, no, no. It was a trailer. But it was very, it was a lovely little kitchen. It had a kitchen. Do they speck it up for you? I don't know. Like if there's a hob, is it slightly lower?

Oh, no, no, no. But there's always like, when I do a job, they have, like, they don't mean I was like, so some jobs, some jobs don't. But I've always just been brought up to just get on. I'm used to dealing with the world not being built for me. What do you do in some, like, what if something's not really nice out? Where there's a gil, there's a way, Craig. What if there's like a real?

Where does a gil. That's my surname, isn't it? Oh, yeah, good. And it rhymes with well. That is good. Try a dead little joke, you fucking shat on that. We should make out. Hey, we should make out.

Hey, we should make out. Tell me what fucking Wacking Phoenix gave you as a rap gift. Oh shit. Well, yeah, like he gave me, like, so when we were filming, like, yeah, you all the one that kept the shack to me. You fucking did it yourself. All right. Well, he was keeping, whilst he was in his crazy mind, he was keeping a daily diary, his experience film it. So you know he had his diary.

in the movie. Yeah, yeah. He was also keeping a separate diary of just his daily experiences whilst he was crazy, writing his daily experiences as he was filming. Yeah.

Apparently there was only a handful of people who sent me to, so there's probably, I don't know, five or six of these things out there. And he wrote a page in it for me, and he sent me one. Sent you to pay?

No, no, he sent me the entire diary. What? He sent me his entire diary of his day-to-day experience of being in the Joker's mind I've got a full fucking book I've got a full fucking book there's like about five of them

why is he writing five he's writing five different books a day or is he like as it went on no no no no no so like there's a book in the movie that's like the movie book right which is like a prop which is the specific things written that's supposed to be written for the movie right but he actually

kept a real diary of his real mental thoughts of when he was in his method crazy state he was writing a day like daily diary when he was someone else of his experiences filming

right and he then got them to reproduce it for about oh reproduced it okay I was like why's they fine but only like a few people that he selected and then like but then on the front of it it's all had written like too late like

whatever he said I don't know like that's crazy Yeah, said to me, but here's a page about me. Best fucking page in the whole work. What was it so? There was only three actors. You were a page one. Huge dick, tiny thighs. Love with her.

Can't figure out which one it was. It was either a huge dick or tiny thighs. He's got a great ass. Great ass. No, but he wrote a page for Zazzy. Fucking Zazzy beat is the loveliest lady. Right? She's super cool.

And he wrote a page for, Bobby D because, you know, disrespectful to not write one for the Bobbinoe, yeah. And then he wrote a page for little old me. That's it. Three, three pages.

No other, no other actors got a page in it. Oh, right. My page. You could die tomorrow, you fucking bum it, bro. My page was the sweetest page in half a year. Gone, what did it fucking say? You get rambly when you're drunk. That's the only thing.

You've got the same size all the ones, but. I've got, I've got, I've got a tremendous, 10 different hobbit holes. Yeah, yeah. Like, all my mates will tell you that. I've got the most tremendous ability to tell a short story long. You were doing great and now we're here. Yeah.

We need to get, we need to finish the Joker thing. Done. Don't, joker. No, we ain't done it. No? I swear you were about to tell me something else about it. I don't want to tell you the page. Oh, you don't want to tell me, okay.

No, because I got taught, I put it online. I was like, look what, Joaquin, right from me, like a twat. And they were like, oh, Wakin, you know, that's personal. Maybe you should warner brothers. I don't know. Yeah, but also they're probably. right? Yeah, yeah. And yeah, I agreed, I took it down.

But then I had some people who were offering to pay me thousands for that, but I should have sold it. How many thousands? I come up, right, 12, I think was a high to. That's a fucking good thousand. I was not as personal. I should say, like, working reproducing it. And...

Nah, keep that, because it'll be worth way more later and also keep it for the... But then when I did another film, I stole some props. Nice. I loved... Because I was like, oh, people want some things. I don't really steal too much stuff. With permission, I was like, oy, I'm taking that.

I ask for shit. I did Seth Myers. I was like, oh, can I have a prop? Yeah. Can I have, and they got me a copy cup. So yeah, this is it.

From now on, I'm always going to be like, oh, I'm taking this prop. Because you want to remember it later, don't you? Yeah, or if you get skimped on time in life, you never know. Flip it. But boom, yeah.

I hope you don't. I don't think you will. What else have I got? I haven't got anything else. My career's a whole gamble, dude. Like, writing films with midgets in Willie Nilly. Yeah, but also

Gilly Nilly. But also people aren't having midgets. Yeah, they're even fucking, they're making snowy like the seven dwarves, not dwarves. What the fuck? No, but do you know what I mean? Like, we're going to get round to that. Yeah. Like, and there's not going to be that many.

Like, I want you. I think you will be. Like, when I think famous fucking dwarf, warwick. Famous fucking dwarf Lee What about dinkles man Dinkles is the best right now Who's dinkles?

Pay your dinklage mate Oh yeah Yeah but my brain goes Good old dinkles Warwick Lee as in like You know fucking it's Warwick Davis We grew up with his movies

I'm sorry I Obviously I think of you first When I'm talking to someone It's like my mate It's a fucking bitch What did you say You said the end one My vote.

I was singing along. I was singing along to, uh... I was singing along to Chief Keith. Lil Chief Keith. Little Chief Keith. Um, no, but like, Warwick Davis. Oh, me, yeah, yeah, come on. Like, yeah, like, mate, growing up on Willow.

Isn't it? Yeah. Like, I was, I didn't realize when my parents were showing me that film. I was like, good film. Yeah, it just went to good film. Good film, man. Good film. I love the stuff he did with, Oh, Life's Too Short was phenomenal. Life Too Short was so sick.

Do you know what? They took it off everything. Yeah. I had to buy it. Tell me about Blitz because I don't know about it, but it's fucking big, big news. Oh, we're in now? We're back in the room? Yeah. Oh, viewers, we just have to be a big cut because there's a big scandal. Big, I fucking hate everyone's like, I'll tell you this, but we might have to cut it and then we spend 20 minutes and then they cut it. And then you only get an hour and a half episode because of that.

Oh, fuck. Because of the cut, that's fine. What do you mean? Well, because by the end of this, we'll be like, we'd chat it for fucking three hours. And then they go, wait a minute, it's only an hour and a half. It's because we had to cut so much fucking shit.

I didn't talk that. He kept saying the N word. He kept saying the N word. He fucking didn't. With a hard arm. He did not. The, oh, he blitz.

Oh, blitz. Yeah. Is it, is it, um, about either the war or one of the reindeer's. You're thinking of blitzin. Same thing. It could be. Are you doing a midget joke there about like fucking owls?

Yeah, it was a little bit. I like that. It was in there. Good job. No, so I did a movie. So bring you down a peg after the Pacino stuff. Was this a Christmas movie as well? Fucking.

Oh, I'm sorry. Stop chugging that drink because you'll getting drunk. And it is... That was smooth. I look, we just had a big section we had to cut, so... I know, right? And the alcohol is going to be getting worse.

No, we're good. Craig, right. Blitz. Fuck, okay, he's on. He's on. Press mode. Press mode. Go.

So, Blitz. You fucking scold, that's got three shots, isn't it? That's a fucking lovely cocktail. Go make another one. There's no way. We'll have another one off camera where you have to finish this fucking podcast

while still semi-literate. Yeah, yeah. Blit. The movie Blitz. The movie Blitz. Tell me fucking everything about it because I don't know fucking anything about it. Excellent. So, you may have heard about it.

Tell me in your normal fucking voice. Imagine you die right now? I'm getting that fucking Wackeen diary. Are you familiar with World Wars? I'm familiar mostly with the second one. Oh good, because that's the one where... The first one's a little bit like... The first one got a bad, like...

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Overshadowed. Overshadowed by the second. Second one was the... good world. Mad, isn't it? Right, so Second World War. It wasn't great.

Second one was the good one. It wasn't great, but it had the characters. The characters. There's no characters in World War I. Yeah, I can't remember any of the characters. There wasn't a big baddie. There was baddies, right, but there wasn't like a fucking big baddie. There wasn't a woman in an attic.

There was, no, you had no sub stories like that. We didn't have, you know, kid in But guess what? Gigantic camps. Guess what? There's a sub-story of the second one that is criminal that you don't know about. And that we, as Brits, weren't taught about in school. Is it the movie Bullets?

No, the story that's in Blitz. Yeah, that was my point. I was getting on to that. Hang on, no, but people know about the Blitz when London was bombed by the Germans. Is that the premise of the film, or is it a story? The Blitz. Yeah, that's how. How I knew it was either World War II, the second one.

It was either a slang name for a reindeer or it was about World War II. Okay, no, no, look, look at the Blitz. That when German people were bombing, the English people. Yeah. In London, yeah. Look at me, historian. Right, so. Very apt way to put it.

Yeah, yeah, that was happening. So back then, right, so I'm livid, right? I was talking about World War II, as we all were in school. You know, we talk about that shit. Hitler bad In history Hitler bad Concentration camps

Yeah Churchill And Frank Cigars Chur Churchill Cigar All that Chubby chicks The football game

Or was that World War I Where they stopped for a day On Christmas To play football I don't care All right Carry on Tell me about

The fucking story Put that fucking beer down Right Put the beer down And tell me About the fucking movie You're supposed to be Press

This is press I'm hanging out With my mate Right, so Craig, listen. All right, go on. And the YouTube's. Craig and the YouTube's. And the audio, don't forget the audio.

And the audios. A lot of audio. Where they come from, where they come from. Fucking everywhere. 33% America, though. Hello, American audience. 30% UK. Hello.

UK. Anyway, Frank, you distracted me. Right, anyway. Go. World War II. Go. Right, the sequel. The sequel.

World War, the sequel. Right. There was a fucking Jewish dwarf that lived in the East End of London. called Mickey Davis or back then as he was referred to Mickey the Midgett Hey It's actually called back there

Mickey the Midget legend right So he was a Jewish dwarf Big name in the community Big fucking famous guy Like just a well-respected human being in the community East London right When there's all the bombings

and shit There was government-run bomb shelters Right But there was also community run bomb shelters And Mickey Davis was put in charge he was nominated by people in the community

that's how fucking insane it is this little guy who was shorter than me right oh I'm short don't fucking test me now I'm doing my eyes

carry on caron you're on a role you're doing good you're doing good you're doing fucking good so like he got he got nominated to be in charge of running one of the biggest bombshell is in London showing the blitz

mad yeah So this movie- Who do they get to play? You're fucking kidding me. You're fucking kidding me. Anyway, carry on. Carry on.

Tell me the fucking story. So, look, right? You fucking bars and you throw me off. Right. Mickey Davis. Mickey the midget. Mickey the midget? Yeah.

He got put in charge of the bomb shelter. Tell me more of the story. Right. So, this movie I've done. It's called Blitz. Yeah. It's not the Jason Statham movie from a few years ago. I'm a Statham fan.

That's a good movie, right? You could play, sorry to D-Rad again, but you could play. Hi, Mini Statham! Oh! Hey, Mini Statham! Oh, hey, look at that! Come on! Look at that fucking Noggin! That's Mini Statham! I wish I'm going to pick my hat up.

Oie, I'm going to, I'm going to pitch a movie. Yeah? What T-shirts are. I've got a story about Statham We'll do that after Fuck me You're gonna have to You need a line, bro

You need to fucking wake up I punched Statham once And he punched me also Tell me about your other fucking movie Yeah we do Okay so Are you the main character in it? No no no

Okay So It's directed by Sir Steve McQueen Not to be confused With The late Stephen McQueen The dead actor Who rode motorbikes in movies

win movies. Also World War II movies. Yeah, yeah. Great escape. But Sir Steve McQueen, one of the greatest directors of all time, that's why he's Sir. He directed 12 years of slave, and he's one of the loveliest men you can ever meet, and an absolute fucking genius. Are you going to get an Oscar? Oh, who knows?

Twelve years of fucking slave. Yeah, yeah. But I was one of the most important characters that he really wanted to make a part of this film. And I had meetings with historians and stuff about Mickey the Midget. And I ended up feeling pretty angry that I wasn't taught about him growing up. Yeah, I've never heard of it. Because he's an important part of our history as a country. A lot of historians, I credit him.

He has a lot of... Without him, we wouldn't have the NHS as we have it today. Really? Yeah. He ran his bombsheller with zero class system. His whole ethos was, if you're homeless and you're hurt, if you're fucking wealthy, whatever, you come to my bomb shelter. You're a human being.

Everyone gets treatment. Everyone gets care. We all look after each other. We all volunteer and help each other as human beings, right? and after World War II he joined government and he pushed for the NHS to be what it is today

and without Mickey the Midget we wouldn't have equal care and free care in the UK That's fucking mad He's one of the most important historical figures in the UK and nobody fucking knows who he is

And you're playing him I'm playing in a movie by Oscar winning director Yeah yeah That is fucking mental Yeah When's it come out? I'm so fucking proud of this movie. And just like the honor of getting asked by Steve McQueen to play him.

Did you audition? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just smashed it again. But yeah, but then, like, Nina Gold who cast me in Game of Thrones, she was like the casting director. And, uh, yeah, I fucking know I was got to get him. Did you? I don't know.

You got Billy, Billy fucking Big Bull, Small Thighs now. post-joker. Steve McQueen, yeah, I'll get that. Yeah, I'll fucking get that. Good for you. I've got Billy Big fucking balls. I ain't got it about drums. I ain't got about drums.

I got about podcasting. Hang on, no. But like, for me, like, the difference is like, I can't remember how many years ago, but there was a time when I was just like, guess what? I'm quitting my day job. Like, I'm going to have, like, no backup plan.

I was like, there's a difference when I audition for something to when, someone else does and I can't see people can see that. Yeah, that's confident. It's, I've made it my career and then everything I get it like.

Isn't there like some absurd percentage of dwarves are in the actors? I know, like because historically, you know, because like historically dwarfs were used for freak shows for circuses and things like that. And it's so,

if I went to a freak show And it's just a small person. Like, whatever. But, like, but it's great. We do add to the show. Like, is it, you know, like, it's like. But it's not freakish. You just, no, but it's not about being freakish.

It's like people, it's human nature to be fascinated by something that's different, you know. So, like, I actually worked, years ago, I worked for a club called Circle LaSwa. And we used to travel the world. And, like, best times in my life. I got to travel the world with the most eclectic, like, beautiful bunch of human beings. So I traveled the world with. like drag queens giants like acrobats

like there was like giants interest maybe it's just because we've been mates for so longer no no no but like small people just like whatever but my tour buddy the guy who I shared a room with most often he was like seven foot two Anton this fucking Hungarian legend this gentleman

I wish there was a GoPro in that room yeah yeah but like me and him imagine me and him going out on the streets of Shanghai we couldn't stand to we couldn't stand to We couldn't stand still for more than 10 seconds without a crowd of people around us. Yeah. But like those years just made me really appreciate the beauty of like the differences in human beings. Is it still world of free show?

No, that wasn't. In Shanghai, it probably still wasn't. No, no, but, you know what was the weirdest shit there? No, I don't, like, for me, nothing was weird because they were just my buddies. Respect, good answer. No, no, but, Jimmy. I take my statement back. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But in doing that, I just really appreciated it because, like, we were traveling the world in a group of people that other people would look at as an odd bunch, but we were family, like, sound like fucking Finn Diesel. Do you really sound like Vin Diesel? Family. Oh, yeah.

No, no, but like... You got your car nick, mate. You can't be Vin Diesel. Oh, God. He had his car stolen. My car stolen. O'y, this is your chance to put the fucking... Aye, dickhead.

No, what was the car that was stolen? Because it had fucking weird pedals. No, no, pedals are normal. I have hand controls. Oh, is it? Yeah, yeah. No, I don't give a fuck about the car. Excuse us for saying weird there.

No, I don't give a fuck about the car. Cars insured. You can get your car back, though? I literally don't care about the car. Car's insured. I have so many personal things in the boot. Oh, you're going to make me quiet. I'm not going to talk about one.

Okay, yeah. Someone stole these cars. Okay, no, I'm going to say it because, hey, a podcast, is it? You want a real story? Yeah, let me say one thing and then you say it. Yeah, you want a real story. Do you think they knew because of the hat, like, was there a, because cars get stolen all the time and there's like a fucking Facebook marketplace on the dark web

where it's like, I need this car. Do you think someone was looking for the car with a hand controls? I don't know. And then it got pinched or? Okay. I don't know. Probably not. It's probably just poplar. But, um,

don't cry on the podcast. I'm not gonna fucking do this. It looks like you are. Like how hard I am. Act not crying. All right. Yeah, I'm not gonna cry. Okay, good.

I look. Oi, to you cunt that's still my car. That's how I'm not going to cry. I'm totally, I'm not going to cry. I'm totally. Don't say that too many times, though, because it gets demonetized. To you, Rapscallion. Perfect. To the rap scallion that stole my car.

Yeah, act it. me actually acting in Pacino for me give me it in Pacino oh hey no no do it do it this is an audition I can't end it I would never do an audition this drunk oh hey rap Scali no Petino would never say rapscalli I know it didn't feel but that's why method act Pacino

I can't method at Pacino because I'm drunk he'd get me too many shots and white Russians and shit I'm trying to act like Jeff Bridges here but like I can't It's ending up Pacino Yeah yeah Oie look Mugino

I'm gonna fucking Mijino Lee I've asked you to prepare A little something Yeah For me Um God I gotta try to fucking remember it now

Two truths and a lie And I'm gonna try and decipher Which is The lie And which are the truths Okay Okay. So give me all three.

This is a new, anyway, anyone watching, this is a new thing. I'm trying to, I want to read the room with a guest. If they, if the sort of person at a dream festival is something that I would like to hear from, or I feel like they know the show, that's good.

Two Truths and a Lie, though, I feel like it's a lot funnier. Yeah. And we're going to test it. This is the first inception of Two Truths and Lie. Let's give it a bash. On the downbeat. Cool, but just saying,

know, like, even if you, so it's the goal, like, if you, is your mission to try and pick what the truth is? No, it's two truths and a lie. So I, I need to pick which one is the lie? Okay. I think that's how it works. Is the game, whatever you choose,

I have to be prepared to give a full story? No, you're going to tell me three statements, right? And one of them is a lie. And one of them is a, yeah. Two of them are true. Yeah. But like,

but do I have to be prepared to... No, I figure the shit out. But what if you get in, but basically, I have to be. Even if you pick the lie. No, it's not like, it's not like a game show.

But basically, all I'm telling you is I'm prepared to embellish even the lie. Well, then, I've never done this before either. Yeah, no, I was just asking

what the fucking wrong? I made it up earlier on and text it to you. Give you three statements. Two are true and one is a lie. I, was once a drag queen on television alright

that's one that's one play along at home the downbeat two truths and a lie next you're smoking it like Tony Soprano you ever think about doing like a dwarf sopranos can you do a Tony Soprano impression mate fuck off mate you got me so drunk

I would just love to see it because your Pacino was fucking amazing I was mind-blown. We've gone too far Alright okay Hang on, now I'm just frantically Trying to remember the shit that I thought of About ten hours ago Right, number one

Right, so what did I say? Drag Queen shit. Drag Queen on TV I've done a drag queen on TV Right Right Um I Once had a threesome

Where I Was dressed as a doll I fucking hope that one's true. All right, next one. Next one. I can't even fucking remember what the third one I was going to fucking say. Well, the third one's obviously not true then. I, I, I am a black belt in a specialist form of martial arts.

that I was a major part of creating. Okay. Let's work backwards from what I think is true. Okay, let's do it like a game then. What is the name of the martial art? It's called midgets. Fuck off. Okay, that's the fucking...

That's a fucking... Well, midget-two. Okay, that one's a lie. Come on, Jiu-Jit-2, mid-jit-two. No. It's fucking great. It's all low-blowers, uppercats to the nuts. Thumps to the cuts.

Oh, my God. Okay, all right, that one's obviously a lie. There's between the other two. I feel like I've seen you play a drag queen on TV. I feel like I watched it. Yeah. But I wish... The Dalek one,

if anyone doesn't watch Doctor Who, the Daleks are a little robot thing. and they got like a little plunger coming out of their head. Is that their chest? Yeah, out of the chest. It'd be kind of hard to get a dick out there, so I reckon that one's also a lie. Oh.

Oh my God, if you tell me that one's true, I'm going to fucking scream. Were you a drag queen on TV? Yes, let me do. Oh my God, I just, mehled this. I inhaled the banana vapor. No, no, no, no, basically. Okay.

So wait, where did the Dalek think of them? How does this game work? Okay, well, what? Okay, so like Dalek wants the most thing. They're all great story. No, they're all good story. Wait, so hang on, the Dalek one's true. Yeah.

The lie was, I'm not about... Oh, hang on, I fucked the game up. It's two truths and one lie. So I identified the lie. Yeah. And those two are truths and the fucking Dalek one's true. Yeah. Oh, my God.

I'm sorry for fucking up the game. I'll fix it the next time. He told me it was too true. It wasn't true. Yeah. Yeah, that's what it should be, but I fucked it up. So, yeah, like, the other two are true. So I won, but I didn't know the rules of my own game.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you were on Celebrity Juice as a drag queen. Yeah, so they had, like, we did an episode where they had a bunch of the girls from Ruport's drag race on there, right? What, UK, UK one, the US one? UK drag race, yeah, yeah. And obviously, I've been doing stuff with Keith Lemon, Lee Francis. my fucking homey

he's the best he's so fucking he's crazy I quote bow select every day yeah like he's literally the loveliest

fucking dude I love that man and he kept me in white for like eight years I will always love that man and yeah

we had a drag race edition and they put me in drag and I was rude Paul

rude Paul yeah that's pretty good so like usually Simon, can we get a picture of Rude Paul up here? Oh yeah, I'll send you. I'll send you it. We'll get a little pick up.

So, like, they did a game and it was like, you know those little wheelie things to get under cars to do mechanics? Yeah. There's some people on those and then some drag queens dragging them around. There's a Sop course or some shit. Oh, I remember if I can watch it. And it was like, and you will go on the sound of Rude Paul. And then I turn up in a fucking fancy frock.

And I'm like, fucking get on with it, you can't. And then, you know, I'm like, like an aggressive beardy little drag queen in a Karen wig. I look fucking marvelous. But you know what? Not the first time I've done drag. I look fucking great in drag.

I'm a big fan of drag. Me too. Yep. I've done drag on Twitch a couple of times. Give me the fucking Dalek story. All right, Dalek story. But like, yeah, I thought you'd pick up on that as like the fun story. Right.

I just thought that was going to be the lie until you said Majitsu. And I was like, oh my God, the Dalek story is real. Yeah, dude. Hit me on this darlick. Alec threesome. Oh, mate. Doctor Who convention, I'm assuming. No, fuck off.

I don't participate in nerdy shit. You fucking do. With all due respect, you fucking do. Yeah, so earlier last year, you know me. I was in a relationship. I was filming a very important movie that we can't talk about. Hang on, what was that? I was...

Don't... I'm not doing any more edits, bro. You're going to leak your own fucking shit. What are you on about? I was just talking about. I was looking for me. Sit the fuck down. Okay, right. If you're just listening to this, I'm sorry.

And he's doing, uh, like, I'm doing, I'm doing nothing. I'm doing nothing. I'm turning around, looking for things. Went for a very difficult breakup. At the most important time of my career.

Zero hard feelings. It's all, I think the problem, I think with a lot of relationships and why breakups happen is, uh, a difference in communication styles. You don't have to,

you don't have to, get to the fucking Dalek. I don't, you don't have to, fucking, you don't have to pre-game this. It was only because I mentioned the breakup. I was like, I don't want to seem like, for it. No, no, I'm not that. No. No. No. I don't give a fuck, mate. Everyone has a breakup. It happens, right?

Exactly. But basically, I had a breakup. Let's try and cut that and make it smoother. We fucking heard. Yeah, fucking hell. Right, I had a breakup. It happens. People fucking break up. Close he is to the mic now. You're fucking up the level. Tell me about this fucking dog. Alex, so we can finish.

When I became single, there was like someone that I'd like been sleeping with like years ago. Davros. Davros. If you don't watch Doctor Who, that won't be as funny as it is,

but it's so fucking funny. Right, anyway, there was someone... Well, let me tell us to it. Right. You're... Okay, look, so, I became single. And then, you know, a lot of people were like, oh, you're single.

Oh, hey. Oh, hey. Hey, hey, hey. That's that drag queen coming out. Yeah, yeah. So I'm like, oh, hello. How the fuck is this getting to you being a darling? Okay, I need to speed up.

I know, brother. I'm going to speed up. Basically, I'm single now. We can cut all that out. No, it's too funny. It's staying in it. So there was a girl I used to sleep with years ago. She had realised I was single again, right?

And she was like, hey, we should hang out again. I was like, yeah, we should. That would be fun. right but she's like she knows a lot of like sex people you know like Alan Padres they're sex people they're sex people then oh all I do is hang out with sex people

your little finger just touched it all I do is hang out with sex people yeah it's fucking sick yeah yeah it's the best I just become casually mates with fucking no effects and all that shit I've been in Austin part with them and then like you know my fucking rock star idols when I was a teenager and then

I went from having got to know them I'm really well like L. FAA is one of my fucking homies. When I had the breakup in L.A. He was the one that fucking helped me through it. Nice. And then he invited me over to Austin to party with them on the first

weekend of their tour. And then they came over here. So they did the lead show. So I was up in L.A. In L.A. In Leeds with fucking L.E. L.E. I was up in L.E. With no effects. And then

came down here for slam dunk and then the day after slam dog it was the no effect show and like a good friend of no effects and like they come back here guys and like we had a great fucking weekend but a lot of fucking party on a talk about it with no effects and crazy motherfuckers like Sam

from kind of funnors like there's a lot of party extras that shouldn't be going on yeah heavy weekend right but it was a girl like I used to sleep with years ago she invited me to a sex party the Monday after that weekend I was like It's gonna be difficult. I'm gonna be fucking,

probably not on the move for a sex party, right? Hang over horn? You're not getting mad bone here? No, no, yeah, like that. But I was like, all right, I'll come, I'll come, I come, I come. You will come. So like, I came, I came, like,

to the party. Yeah. But it was like a daytime thing. There was like a hot tub, but it was like a barbecue, sunshine. I was like, I was done. I don't tell you what.

I was like, I'm not going to have it. But thankfully, because of the heat and the food and the conversation, it ended up in a very civilized effect. I was like wonderful social. But then the day after that, I was due to fly to Sweden to shoot a TV show. Okay.

And she lived closer to the airport. So I was like, look, if I'm not up to it, like banging at this six party, I could go back and stay at hers after, closer to the airport. And like, by the evening. What is it, Stansted? She a Stansted gal? No, no.

No, he's throw. Hey, he throw. Ooh, classy. Yeah. Classy lady, carry on. One of her friends was due to be there, but a catalytic converter got me. So she didn't come, but she arrived at her house later.

So there's three of you? No, no, but first, just me and the girl that I used to have sex with. Yeah. I was like, this is great. I've recovered from the weekend. Still on that rebound. Yeah. I was like, great.

I have a couple of drinks. We've had a couple of extra potty fun things. I'm like, I'm going to make. I'm not here with a girl It's like guaranteed sex I'm gonna go to Sweden tomorrow Shoot a TV show Rock and roll

Nice Feeling yourself And then this fucking adorable American walks in Oh shit How the hell is this getting To garlic You're getting there, buddy

He's fucking taking a minute I told you I know it's good I've got an ability to tell I mean it's good It's good I'm just in my head I'm like how the fuck is it getting there

And it involves sniper child take a little. Right. Jesus Christ. So cute American walks in. I'm in the kitchen. High drunk. Like thinking, great. I've recovered from the weekend of partying. I'm with a girl that's like guaranteed sex. I'm going to Sweden

tomorrow. Life is good. Right? And this fucking adorable American walks out and I'm like, ah! Shit! Yeah. She's had a bad day. I'm like, wow. It's got to be my duty to cheer her up a little bit, right? It comes in.

Joan, I'm like, I want to go. You should make out. She's so adorable. Yeah. But in my head, I'm like, I'm going to join me as reason. Because I know they're sex people anyway. Yeah, it's why it's great. So then we end up in a lot of people to hang out.

We end up in the lounge. Like, they're sat on a two-sick sofa. There's a little coffee table. I've done my usual. I'm like, let's go somewhere to sit down. There's sit down. I've stood up, right? So then did with us.

For hours, I'm the opposite side of the coffee. coffee table, coffee table, giving a performance. And then I get to a certain point and I'm like, hey, you guys should make out. You guys, oh, he's done that. Boom! Boom, boom, boom. Boom. Boom. Boom.

And then they start making out and they're giggling and laughing and looking at me. But obviously one of them is like American Psycho, but with a divorce. One of them is already experienced my shit. She's like, Lee, you have a fucking dick and I'm like, what? She was like, I was waiting for you to do this. And they were, what? It's just like, we've been laughing for hours knowing that you're trying to get a threesome, right? Yeah.

Yeah. They're like, Lee, we've already planned out for threesome. And I'm like, Lee, if you had just stopped talking, a threesome would have started hours ago. I was like, no, no, no. I'm saying. I'm saying, guys. No, I'm not easy. How do you know that?

Shut up. No, I was like, no. Everyone's easy when a threesome's there. I was like, no, I fucking aren't there. Don't take that away from me. I worked hard for this. Don't tell it away for me. And you're about to fucking nip it in the bud

before I even got to do my finishing move, which I just thought of, which is brilliant. And they were like, all right, then, do your finishing move. All right. So I was like, right, have any of you seen the new movie, Magic Mike X, X, X, L? One of the mad. Like, yeah, it's right, okay.

Right, that's okay. But not as good as Midget Mike XXXS. and like started stripping oh shit and they started giggling and they were like laughing and shit they were like okay very good that's it you finish your move

you deserve the free someone I was like thank you I don't it right and they were like but you haven't shut the fuck up for like three hours so we need to gag you I was like no

and then they started chasing me around the land trying to gag me with this bit of material right right I was like no

very kinky this is very kinky kinky slash loony tunes It was literally, yeah. They were chasing me around a coffee table. Stuart Little.

Yeah, gagging me, but gags don't work. They put it in your mouth for you just like twist the joy. You can get out of a gag anyway. But they were like, look. But then they were like, look, Lee, shut the fuck up. Stand there, get naked. We're going to go get changed, right? So I'm stood there next to the coffee table.

Feeling like a naughty little school boy, naked. I'm like, fucking, yes. I'm myself, Frisome. Made it my ex-exexexus line. It's a good. Great line. Unbelievable line. So I've stood there.

And then they both come in in some like sexy lingerie. Lingery. Oh shit. They're fucking dead planning this shit. I was like how dare they think I'm that easy but I am. So this is great.

Yeah, in there. Fuck me. It's great. So I'm sitting there and they're like, stop fucking talking. I'm like, I'm stupid talking. And then they start strapping these fucking things around my shoulders.

Like, what are you doing? I'm fucking, fucking, fucking, the shit with my shoulders. What fuck is that? Right? And then they suddenly snap on this big cock here. I'm like, Oh!

What's that? Wait, is a real cock? Like, no, like a fucking, big goat. This is not a real dialect. They made you a sex dialect.

No, listen, they put a, they put a dildo on my chest. I was like, and they were like, look, let you shut the fuck up, we're going to gag you again.

I was like, oh, I'm being quiet. And I'm like, then we're like, we're going to put you down. One of us is going to fuck your dick. And the other one's going to sit on that one, and we're going to sit on that one,

to keep switch switch it i'm like this sounds excellent i was like but i need a week right and i was like okay fucking hurry up you dick this does sound fucking awesome so then i'm walking down the hallway like trying to find the limit and i'm like and this thing's swinging and then i'm starting giggling and they're like what you laugh and now hurry up i'm like i look like a dalek and then i'm in the hallway of their apartment is like exterminate exterminate and they're like like a fucking piss and come back or else you're not getting the threesome. Then I had to run, which made it even funny, because this thing is swinging.

Bro, I pay so much money to this is insane. Yeah, but then I came back, right? And then they were so angry with me because I was like giggling and I was like, did you? I'm like a Dalek, right? And then they fucking, they put me down. They were like, fucking stop talking, right? And then they were trying to be serious and sexy.

And I was like, ah! Right? And then I was like, but then I was like, all I can do right now is to Snow Patrol it. What do you mean snow patrol it? If I lay here. If I just lay here, want you lie with me?

Right. But then like one of them has like a massive butt. So like when she was like, so like sometimes they're fission inwards, sometimes every like, but when like they're facing inwards and the more the big was here, because apparently I kept trying to narrate the whole thing. Apparently I kept being like, this looks great. I'm having a lot. lovely time but when the one with the big butt was on my chest it was just like this big

butt slapping on my face i was gonna get hard stop it i couldn't talk much fuck me that's a good story yeah i darling i snow patrol the fuck out of that threesome in my head i was like how is this getting to like a full darlick costume but it was uh man i just needed a wee and i just david kronenberg's darling yeah i love it's a fucking great story i think we're going to end it there on that lovely story. Yeah. Thanks, mate. Thanks for coming.

I'll make you another cocktail here. This year, go and watch a movie called Blitz. Right? Me, Sir Sharon, and Stephen Graham, spelled World War II. I play a real character. Mickey the Midget. Mickey Davis.

I mean, you said it, not me. Well, back then they actually called him Mickey. I mean, we've said it a million times. I think we're going to get away with it. But, yeah, Blitz is going to be special. and I don't know there's something else I don't know I can't remember what it is but

I don't know I'm not cutting that so if you see that I'm not cutting it I'm looking for my drinks I'm going to say is Lady Gaga is a lovely friend and you can't fucking

you're gonna make me cut that out no I'm not gonna cut shit out what are you on about well you're gonna leak it you know how many people listen to this leak what dude I was looking for my drink anyway Craig what's going on what's straight from

the path, buddy. It's too late for that. Too late. I love you. I love you. Thanks for coming on. Goodbye. You've been an amazing guest.