The Downbeat - Tobi Duncan - Trash Boat

Episode Date: June 2, 2021

My guest this week is Tobi Duncan, singer of Trash Boat whose new album Don't You Feel Amazing is available for preorder now. We talk about working in a call centre, Tobi's coming out as a bisexual man, his knee surgery (and his subsequent painkiller addiction) amongst other things. It gets a bit sexy. Enjoy!

I've done about three different intros for this episode. I've done about three different intros for a different episode, which then I uploaded and then the guest was on a different podcast, which released the same day today. So that guest's been moved because I don't want to be a fucking stinking little press boy. Oh, you're promoting. So come on now. I'm an urchin.

I'm barnacle boy. Let me just piggyback off your success. Because I fucking hate it. I hate myself. I hate press culture. Oh, just the fucking worst. This is where I do an ad as well. I as an advert.

Hello. Buy underwear. A razor blade for your underwear. Use my code. Dickhead fuck twat. And you get 20% off and you're not going to do it. I'm sick of it fucking donate

to the Patreon if you can be asked or don't can you tell I just can't be asked if I die don't listen to this episode this will be the one

when you go I heard it oh I felt like it was coming fuck you off listen to one of ones where I'm all funny like in the episode in the episode I'm very funny

my guest this week is Toby Duncan Toby Duncan is the singer of trash boat who are a UK band. I don't even know what genre they are really. Used to be pop punk now. It's a little, you know, maybe it's just rock. They've got a new album coming out.

Don't you feel amazing? We talked before we knew the name of the album, this was a while ago. What we talk about? Toby's a out bisexual man. So we get, I guess, pretty sexy. I'll be honest with you know, We talk about, quite a lot about sex.

Sex between boys. I mean men. Jesus Christ, that sounded bad, didn't it? Fucking hell. Probably editing that out. Nah, leave it in. Yeah, talk about that. Talk about what was like for him coming out.

Talk about, uh, fucking, he had a painkiller addiction. That's pretty nasty. He's had a, which came from like an accident. as they most often do. A knee injury led to a pain killer addiction. It's a pretty gnarly story. That sounds like it's all just sexy or sad,

but there was everything in between as well. Toby Duncan on the Townbeat podcast. Mate, I'm having the worst technology three days, and then you just laid this zoom on me. Your Zoom camera looks like a fucking Game Boy as well. I thought were you big on the Zoom? It's a work laptop, mate. can't be held accountable for the technology that I am bequeathed by my job.

You've got a nice little, uh, nice little Dyson fucking fan behind you there. I would truly love to flex and say that I purchased this Dyson fan, but it was here when I moved in. Great perk. Great perk, right? We just moved into a flat and it had a Dyson. It's not really a flat. It's like, it's a temporary place because I'm buying a house with my brother.

Well, that's a plan. anyway. Like the plan is that me and my brother are going on a house together in London. And in the interim... Fucking hell. Trash boat's doing well. Yeah. It's my brother just doing better. He's the main reason. But yeah, I've got a little bit of cash saved up. And it's either get like a below average place on my own or pull in with my brother and live together with him in a nicer place like in more sort of central London. And that seemed like a no brainer to me. But this...

We're in London? I'm coming a party. he uh he works in he wants it to be in like southwark so like brixton area ish if we can afford it obviously like i would rather live a little bit further out and have a nicer place for less money but it's not up to me is it it's up to both of us there's so much cool shit around there that'd be fucking sick it will be cool um if we can get it sorted out i mean like it was originally supposed to happen uh around october november i don't know whether we're going to be able to sort something out it's all kind of COVID dependent and money dependent um but unfortunately this place uh as nice as it is because it's not really like it's like a friend of the family who has a property that they

lease so i get like a good deal on it and it comes with the dyson fan so like immediately moved in immediate cop immediate but unfortunately um they've asked they've basically asked me to move out like may juneish because they're like we need the place for someone else and I was like, oh, could I just stay until October, November? Is that? Because I'm paying rent. Like, it's my place, technically. But at the same time, because they're friends of the family and that, when they're like,

look, we need this place for bigger things, it's hard for me to be like, no. They've asked me to be out by a certain time. So I'm trying to be courteous and nice. So there's just this big four-month gap between now and October, November, where I don't really know what I'm going to do. but mate we've had that for a year don't worry another little bit another little bit extra what's um what's what's work then

because you said you've been at work i did but i got a full-time job around about it was it was a few months after covid started properly like when we realized that music wasn't going to happen for a for a hot minute um my parents like i lived i was a late bloomer in the independence side like i didn't move out of my parents house and I was 27. Oh, mate, I kept moving back. I kept moving out and a bit, I sort of can't afford, can't afford life right now?

Can I come back for a bit? The thing is, that's the nuclear option for this four-month question mark, because they've gone and moved up to Hereford, which is out in the sticks, like retirement, where you go to die sort of area. Tolkien. Tolkien was from Hereford, I think. Was he? Yeah, I think so.

If you want a little bit of fucking, I'm going to drop a goo-bo. on that right now just to make sure. Jamie, young Jamie, pull it up. Jamie, pull that shit up. Yeah, so like I could move back in with them for a few months. I wouldn't have to pay rent. I could save a bunch of money. But yeah, basically they moved to Hereford and it was crunch time.

It was either go with them to Herford or find a place. And in order to find a place and pay rent, I needed a job because trash boat wasn't touring, wasn't making any money. We were writing a record. You know, we were had big expenses coming up. You know, we couldn't dip into the funds to kind of keep ourselves going properly without jobs because we needed, you know, money for other things. And, yeah, I had to get a job.

So I'm now a technical support analyst for a recruitment software called Bullhorn. It's incredibly interesting, but not really. But actually, I mean... What sort of technical support? So, like, it's this software that recruiters use. So if you're a recruiter and you're looking to get... all your client's jobs, then this software has all of your candidates, all of your contacts for different companies, like vacancy records and stuff. And it's just like software that helps you

move your candidates through the hiring workflow process and helps them find jobs and just it looks pretty and it's got different colors and that. And if it breaks or if it doesn't work properly and you don't understand how to use it, you call someone, I answer the phone. I go, hello, good morning, you're through to Bullhorn support. You're through to Toby. Is that the voice? Well, I mean, do you put a, do you put a voice on? I put, I put, I put, a more formal voice on... Give me the voice. I go like...

Hit me with that fucking juice. Good afternoon. You're through to Bullhorn support. You're speaking to Toby. Can I get your first and last name, please? Oh my God. I feel like I'm on technical support. I know, right?

You got like a slightly more dulcet tone. Yeah. Hello there. Welcome to your shit's fucked up. And I can help you not fuck it up. The thing is, it's not even your shit's fucked up. Most of it is people just being like, why doesn't this do this?

and it's like because that's not the way the software is designed. Right, mate. I don't know if, how old are you? 28. Right. I don't know if it's, I'm getting old. I don't know if it's, my brain has died. I don't know if it's a general just thing.

Everything I own breaks and then I can't fix it. And it's not, I have to be the person that phones fucking technical support. In the last three days, I have had a Wi-Fi printer, which was supposed to be, it's so easy. Oh, God, man. Plug and play. It took me. fucking hour and a half to get it to sync up for my fucking mesh Wi-Fi or whatever that

bollocks is that I had to sort out then I bought a new fucking MacBook doesn't work because it's m1 and all the shit doesn't work and I'm trying to scrambling around trying to get it to work for this and then I bought a coffee machine and it turned up dead on arrival and I had to phone technical I had to phone technical support and they were all like honestly turn it on turn it off again blah blah blah do this do that. I was there for fucking ages. I'd already googled all this, tried it all, and then they go, yeah, it's broken. I'll have to send you a new one. It's a long weekend, so send us

yours back on Tuesday, and you can have a new coffee machine. After that. Right. Imagine working for tech support for a coffee machine. I feel like that actually be quite chill, because there's only a certain amount of things that can go wrong. The guy pissed me the fuck off. I don't

know what the deal was. It was, you know, in the office, in the UK office, if you're a school on the UK office. I prefer the UK office to the US. There's a bit like where the IT support guy comes in. And he's like, they're like, oh yeah, we went go-karting at the weekend.

He's like, oh yeah, down supercarts. Yeah, I was bombing it around this one time and this idiot left to ramp out. Anyway, that was the fucking guy. I swear to God, he gave me his name. It was like, yeah, it's Mark. No, he was like, yeah, please email support at fucking whatever. support at coffee machine

you've got no fucking business owning.com and I was like okay then what's your name? And he was like yeah it's Martin and I said alright then Martin I'll email you support and he went oh no no my name's not in the email address and I went classic in it then when you

come to someone specific no but he said this is the email support at whatever dot com and I said okay what's your name Martin okay Martin I'll email you you at support and no no it's not martin and i went are you aware of how a sentence works hey didn't really go down very well that's probably why it probably broke it fucking via bluetooth yeah people want their own personal analysts for their problems and they don't like

the fact that it kind of goes into a pool and then it just gets assigned to like a random person there's a bunch of people who like ask for me specifically by name because they don't want to have to explain like their process to new people which I get but at the same time it's like dude just do the thing just go by the process man I can't it's a weird world I mean fair play to you because I would fucking absolutely be dead at my desk well I cannot deal with human beings yeah I mean you must get Karen's oh yeah it's a hundred percent but the thing is like my I don't really take it that personally like I'm I'm quite good with difficult customers because at the end of the day, if you know the software well enough and you know what

it can and can't do, and you've got someone, like the biggest Karens that you get are people that call in and they'll be like, oh, you know, we had this old system and it worked like this, but like, now that I'm using this new system, like, why doesn't it work like this? It's like, it doesn't work like that. I'm sorry. Like, you have to just go by how it works. And they'll and they'll just kick off. But I'm just like, it's, it is what it is. Like, I don't really, right like the the worst one that I had was a guy and he called in and immediately like I you know I did the voice I was like first and last name please all that kind of stuff and he was just like right mate I need to be put through to you know top tier whoever owns the company put me through because I'm absolutely fuming I was like what's what's going on and he was like I've been sent this email yeah totally and he's like I've been sent this email I've no idea who generated this email um you know there's there's information on it that could compromise my business like I didn't ask for this email I didn't ask for this information like who's generally. this email, where's it coming from? And I was like, okay, give me the ticket number, let's go.

And I look at the email and this, he's been, a request has been generated for two bits of information that are just ancillary. It's like the number for the server that he's on and the token for his corporation, which is just back end information that means nothing. And he was like, where's this information come from? And it's like, well, it looks like you've requested this information. He's like, no, no, I haven't requested this. I haven't requested this. I'm being hacked. I've got my lawyer on the phone. I'm filing an SLA complaint. And he's like...

I'm being hacked. Oh, God. It was just such bollocks. He was talking as if, like, his dad was stood in the corner of the room and was, like, grading him on his ability to kick off at support and get something in return. He was like, I'm going to prove to my dad how good I am at, like, kicking off when something's gone wrong. And I was just telling him, like, mate, I understand, look, this ticket has been generated accidentally

and sent to you accidentally. It should have gone to someone else. understand that that's, you know, not really on and we'll address that. But I need to just make you understand that this information that you've been sent, it's not compromising information. It's basically just a funny version of the name of your corporation, like where it is. Nothing can be done with this info. And he wouldn't have it. He was just absolutely kicking off. He was chatting to his lawyer. He was throwing all these acronyms at me about how he's going to report me and the other analysts and the company and blah, blah, blah. And it's like, mate, you are trying so.

hard. You are trying so hard and I don't even know what you're trying to get. Like, I've told you this, this is just nothing information. And the whole time on the phone, I was just cucumber call because I didn't really care. And at one point, he was like, I feel like you're not taking this seriously, mate. I feel like you're not, like, you know, you're not rising to my energy levels. And I feel like you're not taking this seriously. I want to speak to someone else. He said that. You're not rising to my energy. He didn't say that verbatim, but that is exactly what he was saying. He said, I feel like you're not taking this seriously. And he referenced my tone of voice because I was just explaining things to him in a very calm way.

because what he was kicking off about was not an issue. And it was just so draining. But at the end of the day, I was just like, mate, this information is nothing. You have no reason to be upset. You don't need to call your lawyer. You don't need to get daddy's money involved. It's not a big issue. And he just wouldn't accept that it wasn't a big issue.

And I ended up having to escalate it to a manager. They said the same thing. They spoke to our legal department. They were like, there's no issue here. And it was... Would you be in trouble if you did a silly voice? Does anyone watch it? Yeah, yeah, listen to you.

Yeah, it's random, so they quality assess random calls. What about, like, just, like, just turning it on a little bit, like. Hi there, hi there, you're through the Toby. Just like a, would they, would that fuck up or what? I'd probably lose a few points on my, on my quality. It wouldn't be a big deal. I got, I lost 10 points on a call. It's out of 100, and I lost 10 points on a call once for saying,

oof. Someone was like, oh, I have this problem. I just went, oof. And you look, what? Someone listens and then you get less point. This is like a black mirror episode. It was an out of policy comment.

Like, instead of responding by re-it, when someone says they have an issue. I would much prefer that. I'd much prefer the guy, you rose to my energy levels, my friend. Totally. I'm in the shit and you've said, oof.

When someone gives you a query, you have to reiterate the query. And it's so, it's so annoying. Like, this is one of my least favorite things about it. Don't get wrong, I love this job. I love the people. It's actually one of my, it's my favorite job that I've ever had. Like the system, yeah, yeah, the system is really transparent. Like, there's, there's not a lot of that, like, insipid corporate love bullshit.

I really like all of my seniors. I like the way it's structured. I actually don't mind the work, even though it can be annoying at some times. Like, I really do like this place. And I'm, I'm gearing up for a promotion in the next month as well, which is awesome. You do play in a band, right? I know. I'll talk about it in a minute. Because at the moment I'm fucking interviewing tech support.

Tech support. But no, the thing is that that's one of the reasons why I like this place so much as well is that I've discussed the band element with them. I've been like, this is my situation. Can we make this work? And they've said, yeah, we can make it work. Yeah, because they're laughing.

That's never going to happen. That's never coming back. Gigs aren't coming back, mate. You or my wife now. Yeah, totally. But yeah, like, they're willing to make it work. Right, let's talk about your band then. You do a band.

band which one what you got another one you got two no right no right trash boat the one worst name ever but best name I like the name I was just about to say it's a good name I actually like how terrible it is because I don't think it's

that terrible I think it's better than like as her lion roars you know what I mean I have fucking bullshit metalcore names totally no I do get that it does have a cool little story behind it go on Come on. Give me the story.

It's the regular show episode. Anyone that watches regular show will just already know. But it's like regular show is a cartoon that it's like a kid's cartoon, but it's written by Stoners. So it has a bunch of just like. Oh, I know the one. Yeah. It's just, it's full of. Trippy shit.

Totally. Yeah. It's stoner jokes hidden in a cartoon network vibe that's like PG-friendly. And there's an episode where one of the characters is watching his like favorite rock. star on TV and the guy's being interviewed and he's like how did you become so famous and the guys are oh you know I just I just changed my name to the first two things that I thought of the and urge and before you know it I was just the biggest rock star in the world and then he's watching the TV and he looks around the room and he sees a trash can and a picture of a boat and he changes his name to trash boat and he becomes the most famous rock star in the world and all the other famous rock stars come back in time to try and kill him and you no one else had stole it no one else has stole it that's That's fucking sick. Yeah, yeah. That's fucking cool.

So if I Google trash boat, what comes up? What comes up first? The band, or are you more famous than the cartoon? Let me do it. Jamie, pull that fucking shit up. I don't think we will be more famous than the cartoon, but I think we'll come up more in Google. Who's first?

Who's first? Trash boat tickets. Boy. Trash boat. Oh, was that a little accidental plug right there? Trash boat tickets on sale as of today for the headline tour that's definitely going to happen and not get rescheduled. On sale today?

On sale today this morning. Why was this not liaised prior? I mean, I know I'm not really press, but I'll release an episode today. It could have easily been your episode. Could have just done this a bit earlier. Instead, this will be out in two weeks. So hopefully there's still tickets left.

Yeah, I mean, they're most likely will be. I love it. No, you're the most famous. You're actually famous, famous, famous, famous. Trashboat, Wikipedia's you. even the first four videos as you um classic classic we're overtaken

nice um and we met each other on the while she sleeps while she's what an interesting lineup but it was sick wasn't it yeah it was she sleeps stray you guys was that it us and then landmarks

like French metal band land land brs Levin brooks Levin bruce they had the old V for the A That was a good band as well. That was a good tour. Yeah, that was a really, really solid line up.

You got it in a fucking van, though, didn't you? We did do it in a van. So you missed all the fun. Yeah, we do everything in a van. We're very much, you know, keep costs an absolute minimum type band. I just remember Skaters Palace, Munster.

I swear a load, you guys stayed there and I'm sure Losey you were sick, just from drinking too much. definitely sick in the toilet. You know the place? Skates Palace. Upstairs, you guys were sleeping upstairs. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Near the end of the tour, I think, maybe even the last date. It was up there and it was, yeah, that place with like the massive skate ramping out. I remember that show. I'm sure someone was sick. Probably. Like, our boys are hit and miss,

but like they'll pick some nights to get truly fucked up. Because I would just come and hang out with you guys because you had the, you know, a bit of a southern accent was not. I think I came straight from a US tour into that as well. And I was like, ooh, southern accents. Love it. Let's fucking, let's go. Was it, was it? Yeah, no, it was Skaters Pass, like that little hostile bit

and the sleeps guys were in the bus parked up outside. And I remember, yeah, that was, that was a long one. That was one of the biggest nights of the tour in terms of the ses. Yeah. I remember everyone was fucking losing it. I think we are I think now we had two days off before it that's what happened or two days off after it remember

and the buses were just parked there and everyone was just fucking hanging around and we had to come in and use the toilets but you guys were living in there it's like some some trash boat fucking hostel it was strong vibes I'm sure I just remember fucking

I remember seeing Ryan and Dan and they were just fucking out of their mind yeah classic like almost unable to talk it was fantastic there's nothing quite like a southern english person just fucking out of their brains yeah 100% are we we do pick him

and we do have some great nights I mean like I love touring in Europe like the hospitality is so good and like the places to stay are often so good and like the riders the food it's all great I just wish that they didn't hate us because we have singing

you know what I mean like you I mean, it's a weird tour for you to be on. Yeah, totally weird. Like, it was great, don't get me wrong, but we were definitely, like, the pussy band on that tour. Like, all of the people who want to beat downs. And, like, Europeans have that weird way of coming up to you and just been like, oh, hey, man, you know, it was shit at first.

But then one song I liked. One song I like a lot, and it's like, oh, my God, yeah, cheers, man, appreciate it. Your first album, I think it was not good. but the second album was, you know, a bit better. Still not good. He still don't like it, but better. Keep it up.

And then, like, okay, thanks, bro. Thanks for the fucking un-elicited pep tour. Yeah, yeah, totally. Like, I mean, I love Europe, and I wish we popped a little bit more there. But, I mean, we did really well on our headline tour. Was the, I mean, that, what, before it or after it? After.

This was, like, the last, so, like, just before we went on the Broco tour in the US, which was so good. we did like a little headline tour before that which did a bunch of Europe days and loads of them sold out it was really really cool we weren't expecting it but yeah this is

yeah you wouldn't have been that high up on a while she sleeps tour unless you had the ticket sales it's just an interesting interesting billing true true but it was cool I thought that was like in terms of vibe and getting on with people like there were no egos on that tour it was wicked like everyone got along really well

the sleeps guys are so cool they're so welcoming and all the crew Oh yeah, so sick. Yeah, yeah. Like, just good vibes all round. Absolutely love it. Everyone's striking their drum kits when possible. Fucking, that's when you know a headline band's fucking sick as fuck.

I mean, they didn't do it every night, but most nights, and if I said, O, Tav, come on. Here you go, yeah. Fucking sick. He might have even done it every night. I can't remember. Maybe, I think on our last headline tour, I did it every night except I was like, boys, do me a favor.

Can I just have it at London? Because I've got all my friends. family there and the stage is massive can i just do it once just not pack my stuff down it totally depends on the venue size yeah like we we have had it a couple times like back when we were a baby band and we were on our first tours and we were getting like supports as favors and that there were a couple of shows there was one in scotland that i remember it was so rough um where the band didn't strike their drums and i had like this two foot by two foot square at the the front of the stage.

America. All of America. Where in Scotland was it? I don't remember. It was like a pretty high up stage and like the green room was like to the right of the stage and you go outside a little bit and there's like a little kind of smoking area courtyard bit and it's like the load in is down like an alleyway with a slope and it's up like that cobblestone hill. I mean I think that's the garage but the backstage is to the left.

It's in Edinburgh. Oh, Edinburgh? Yeah, yeah. Fuck knows. Somewhere posh. That's posh, Scotland. Yeah, like you go up that cobblestone hill and then there's like a most of Edinburgh. Yeah.

Oh, something, it's got a number. Studio 60 fucking bullshit or something. It might be. But yeah, I couldn't move for the whole set and I kind of, I said something and the guys were like, don't say that. Because I was on stage and I was like, yeah, I mean, I'd like to put in a bit more effort, but I'm kind of restricted. I can't really move or I'll fall off the stage. and they were like, shh, don't say. Who was the headliner?

Go on. Oh, no, no, no. I'm not going to. No way. Come on. I'll end this fucking call right now. You've been nice. Just tell me you there.

You know what? Come on. That tour, not only... I'm the one that's going to be throwing them under the bus. You don't just do it. Who is it? It was, no, no, I'll explain, first of all, these guys are, like, good friends of ours, and they also gave us, like, our first ever US tour, and we love them to pieces.

Oh, so it is broke. There's no hate. It's not Broca. It's Newfound. And it was one night This is one night where it was a thing So one night out of like 60 shows And this was before the US tour that we did

Why did they pick the small stage night? I don't know So we did like three nights with them in the UK Ages ago back when we were like First starting out And then further to that we did like a full US tour And there was like one show in the UK things Where I had like no room on the set

And I was like oh man But you're not going to like ask Newfound Glory to strike their drums don't you? No, the drummer's fine, isn't he? Yeah, sorry, good guy. He's right. He's not the one both fucking kicked out for the old. No, no, he was long gone.

Thank God. Okay, right. So, if anyone doesn't know, they do know you're the fucking singer. You do the singing. I do. Real life singing. Real life. 10%.

Before we go into the, uh, fuck it, it's going to the obvious. What's your singing? about, mate. Well, because, right, let me tell you what. It's, okay,

you know, what do you think it's about? That's actually, I'm curious. Um, it's called he's so good. It is called he's so good,

yeah. Um, I mean, guess it's about a guy. Sure. It is about a guy. I guess it's about a guy and another guy. To an extent,

yeah. So, like, it's a concept song. A lot of, a lot of the questions that I've been getting, because like the whole theme behind it is like a heavily oppressed LGBT person that is fighting against all of the injustices and prejudices from family and friends

and blah blah, blah, and loads of people have been like, oh my God, like, have you suffered for this same thing? It's like, no, I haven't. I have had the most privileged, sheltered, wonderful upbringing. My parents are awesome. My family's awesome. There's so much gay in my family. There's like literally so much gay in my family.

My brother is like fully, fully gay. My cousin's gay. My uncle is gay. I'm by. It's just, if there's a gene, it's somewhere in my family. How interesting is that? It's mental. I know someone else who is gay and their brother is, no, their cousin's gay.

Right. Not even like, did you say your uncle's gay? Yep, my uncle's gay. Like, how weird? Like, I mean, not, I'm not saying, oh, gay, that's weird. No, is it? I'm saying, like, it's weird. how like it seems genetic.

It could be. I mean, like, I'm a firm believer that it's not one way or the other. Like, I truly believe a spectrum is the best way to see it. And, like, you know, a lot of people might be like, no, man, I'm totally straight or I'm totally gay. It's like, okay, like, yeah, fair enough. I'm not going to, I think those people are lying. I think just anyone that says they're totally straight. Yeah.

It depends on what you're fucking, what your, what makes not straight. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, I mean, like, look, it's like from Superbad, isn't it? Like, when Seth is like, you've just seen a vagina on its own. Not for me. Not for me. It's like, when people watch porn, they want to see the dick and the vagina. Like, you know, there's no such things like totally, totally straight.

Even if it's like, to a tiny degree, I believe it does exist on a spectrum. And I also believe that people don't have to sit in one spot on that spectrum. Like, I reserve my right to move wherever I want, where. whenever I want, be attracted to whoever I want and whatever gender presentation or whatever, like, whatever. Like, why, like, bisexual is limiting and it's an easy way to explain it to people without having to have an hour conversation about the kind of stuff that I find attractive. So it's easy to just say, yeah, I'm bi because I'm attracted to like both men and women.

But at the same time, it's like, I don't know. I don't know and I don't really want to pin it down. Like, why bother? So does that mean you're technically pan? Sure. Like, I mean, I don't know. Yeah. Like, there's no point in putting a label on it, in my opinion.

There are people that I have seen that I've been attracted to and that I've gelled with and I'd be interested in pursuing some sort of romantic or intimate engagement. And there are people that I'm not attracted to. And so far, the people that I've been attracted to have crossed a wide variety of this spectrum. And yeah, sure, you could call it pan. You could call it by. But it might change. Like, I might end up marrying a woman and having kids and,

never being with a man ever again, I might end up just getting a husband. Like, I don't know. And I don't really care. And this is the thing. This is kind of like part of the point of the song is that I don't believe there should even be a discussion about this beyond just like... Okay, we'll hang up. I'm joking.

I agree. I agree fully with you. The only time a conversation about this is going to come up beyond like mates talking about their interest, the only time the conversation is going to come up is if someone disagrees. So it's going to be. someone that's like well I don't think you should be by or you could be by or I think you know all this gender identity politics isn't that insane yeah people actually do that and like fucking

they are so staunchly like on the internet all day like boom yeah you can't be like that it's disgusting it's against god and then on the flip side of the latest one is everyone like fucking you'll always be a man or you'll always be a woman there's not a trans people person that could sit in front of me and give me a reason as to why they believe that being gay is like objectively or morally wrong like oh jesus or are i'm way more likely to do gay shit if you tell me that totally like oh it's really it's against god so give me the dicks or you know we need to continue the family bloodline like you know how could you do this you know the the you're my only son all this bullshit it's just a projection of insecurity and it there's like i'm so confident in my

ability to just like brush this kind of thing off because of the upbringing that I've had that I believe that that conversation shouldn't even exist. I don't I don't think you should validate the conversation because it's just bullshit and so the songs like a what if my parents weren't so kind of like it was inspired by this guy that I met on a tour who you know he grew up like we've gelled and I like you know I love this guy a lot I have a lot of respect for him and he grew up in like rural you're not allowed to be gay Florida and you know like had girls which is surprising given the shirts that Floridians wear yeah right and you know he had girlfriends all throughout high school and he couldn't tell anyone and he couldn't like reciprocate these girls feelings he couldn't

tell his family he couldn't be who he was and he was just telling me all this stuff because we like bonded over over the course of a week like really heavily we had those kind of chats where you just talk for like five hours a night and you just cut through all the pretense and you just like properly get to know each other and it was sick. And I just imagine, and he was like,

I didn't have my first kiss until I was 27, like with a man. And I was just imagining the type of parents that would engender that kind of vibe to bring up a child that they're supposed to be supporting and allowing to be just comfortable and whoever they want.

Like my parents did, there was no conversation around it when I was growing up. So what happened? Give me set the scene. Was there ever, like, hey, this is... It was a by the way. Like, I was coming back from a hospital appointment with my mum.

She'd driven me to the hospital. And we were just talking. And I was like, by the way, I'm by. And she was like, okay, cool. That was it. That's how it should be. I honestly think, except... I mean, I honestly think the more...

I think it's annoying because it's like hot topics, all this shit, right? It's headlines, fucking... clickbait or whatever but the more we like normalize it which it is fucking normal but you think it's normal because we're around in an echo chamber

but as you just said about the like hardcore sections where it's not okay think like the Lil Nas X song the fucking great video on it oh it's unbelievable but like the him doing that is so important

for people that are like maybe in those kind of communities where it's you're going to go to hell and then they go wait okay so that's actually how I feel as well and this guy's doing it that's fucking sick but it's the same kind of thing so like that little NASX song

is like a lightning rod that's just in your face I am gay fucking deal with it type of thing and to a lesser degree that's kind of what he's so good is it's like I just want it to be a song that people

can listen to and know that it's written with them in mind so they can like feel heard and have a a song that they can fucking bop to that they just know is is is for them and the the their behavior and their desires it's just it's all normal and it doesn't doesn't need like I think the idea of coming out is ridiculous because like straight people don't have to come out you you like I don't know how straight you are but you've never had to like we've never had to like we've never to declare your straightness so that people can categorize you. Because your romantic interests are your own personal thing.

And that's fine. It's not like you want to hide it, but it's just not something you've ever felt the necessity to bring up or talk about because you don't need to. But LGBT people have to, like, expose themselves and make this big, bold statement and be like, I am gay and I am proud. And it's like, that is an intimate, private thing that no one should. should have to say so that someone else, and this other, like, other person who doesn't give a

fuck about you or want to give a fuck about you or want to understand you so they can categorize you. It's like to make someone else feel better. It's like people shouldn't have to do it. Like I have a fundamental issue with the idea of coming out in general. I understand that it's like it's reactionary and people do it because it's like this brave statement against your oppressors. I get that it's like necessary at the time. But I believe at a fundamental level that it shouldn't be a thing because it's fucking bollocks. Like no one should have to reveal something so intimate and personal about themselves to make someone else feel better.

So how do we fix that though? Because you're always going to have the people that think their parents are not going to be supportive. That's the million dollar question, isn't it? I mean, I have that privileged. This is a hypothetical. This isn't tech support for gayness. No, no, no.

I mean, the thing is, like, is gayness okay? Can I say that? I don't care. I make gay jokes all the time. I mean, that wasn't. just meant because we're literally talking about being gay and it's like tech support. I was like I asked you, how do we fix this? How do we fix it?

Like, I mean, look, I can't speak for every gay person and like if I used like a word to describe gayness. Yeah, I wouldn't do it. But if I used a word to describe gayness in like as banter with my mates, me as an LGBT person, I don't care. There's going to be someone out there that has suffered at the hands of these words that is going to not find it funny and they're going to be like that actually. triggers me in a big way and it's not going to be funny for them and that's okay and I'd be like right well

I'm obviously not going to use that word around you and I'm sorry but I don't believe that like any word is just like objectively wrong to use like if I want to describe myself in a certain way and make it funny for a bit of banter and not use the term homosexual or gay if I want to say like yeah I'm this or I'm that just like if I want to say like oh yeah I'm bent I'm a little bit bent it's like I find that funny some people aren't going to find that funny because they're going to been bullied and that's okay but for me personally and for my people that I feel comfortable around, I will use that language to describe myself because... I think I remember you using it on tour, and I just went,

it was at fucking Munich. And I said, mate, you can't say that. And then you told me you were bisexual and I was like, I guess you can. I remember it's so fucking vividly. It's a person by person basis. Like, if I was in a room... I heard you fucking say it.

I went, oh, mate, you can't say that. You're like, oh, well, actually. Well, actually. and you pop your fucking card out. I was like, oh, fucking love penis. It's one of my favorite things. And if I was in a room full of people who I respected and I knew their intentions

and they started throwing around like slurs in a kind of jokey way, it wouldn't bother me. I'm not saying that that makes it objectively okay and that everyone can just go throwing around like those kinds of slurs. But me personally, I don't know. I'm just generally all right with it. I feel like it would bother me. more than it would bother you.

I'll just think about it who the people that it would bother. Well, how do we fucking fix it then? Back on to the, you made the subject. I have no idea. Like, I have this privileged mindset because of my upbringing that I don't see it as an issue. And because I never saw it as an issue, I have this degree of confidence about me where I can see any kind of oppression or any kind of like, if someone came up to me in the street and tried to make fun of me for being gay, there's just this block in my brain where it's like,

I don't care because I don't respect what you're saying because at the end of the day, you're just this petulant child that's trying to get to me and you're failing to get to me. And that's the mindset that I feel like every human being needs to be blessed with. A lot of people can't be blessed with that because of the way that they've been brought up and the people that they've been around. But the way to fix it is to engender that confidence in people and make it so that these kinds of like flippant comments aren't going to do anything. aren't going to affect them in a way that affects their day-to-day life. I don't know how to fix hate crimes and people getting beaten up for being gay.

I have no idea. But I'm hoping. And with songs like he's so good, I just want to normalize it. I want to put out content. Yeah, that's why I'm getting it. And I want people to like just see it as like, oh, punk bands can have these types of songs where we talk about the issues around being

LGBT and like fighting back against your oppressive. Like if your dad is making you feel like you're less of a human or if your family or whoever because of your, you know, romantic involvements, then he's a dickhead. He's a dad, I know he's your dad and there's a certain. You do say the dickhead. You do say dickhead in the song, don't you? I do.

You get what you fucking deserve. Dickhead. Like, I've just gotten no respect for anyone that kind of goes down that road. And one of the lyrics is hitherto, if it's true that we choose, what's it got to do with you? Because that's another one. I thought, oh, it's a choice, it's a choice. You're choosing this, and you could choose the other way.

It's like, all right, well, if it's a choice, then what the fuck's it got to do with you? It's a choice. Let me choose. Can't be able. Imagine actually thinking that. That's so backwards. Mental. Like, it perplexes me.

And do you know what, actually, I've got, you know, I'm not fucking, do you know, I don't, I don't agree with, right? There's a lot of people. And, oh, fuck it, it's a real hot potato. But there's a lot of people who, who, who, who, who, I don't. just what I would consider quite normally open people and now they are adopting the Q and the Q in LGBT Q right right right right right right and um like a lot of just what I would consider straight people using it and it's sort of like I don't know I honestly don't know because I can't really relate but I feel like it's what's the fucking word it's like it's like

Like they're just trying to get in on some of the clout. Yeah, and it's like almost silencing the real Q movement, not Q and on, everyone. That's not what I'm talking about. But do you know what I mean? I don't know if that's actually what's happening. But what I was going to say about that, because I guess you could, you could, some people would consider me Q because, like, you know, I dress like a woman sometimes. And I fucking love it. Really?

I love that about you. Do you not know this? Do you not know this? Do you want to see a photo? I'd love to see a photo. So you cross-dress for fun. All right, so. I'm big on that.

Is this like a kink thing or just like a... No, I'm so annoyed. It's not. Okay, so I love drag race. I think me and you talked about drag race. Drag race was like a while ago. One of my favorite things. So basically on...

I always wanted to be like... I always wanted to be like just actually put into full-on fucking drag. So during lockdown, just bored. My missus did it. And, like, she put me up in drag. And I was like, this is a fucking sick. I actually look kind of cool. I was going to say, you got a good bone structure for it.

Thanks. And then, so on Twitch, I was doing a, I was like, fuck it. I'll do it as a sub goal. And if we do this, if we do the sub goal, if we get it, then I will, you know, do full drag. I love that. And we did it fucking mental with like flattening down. my eyebrows, putting the real shit in.

Let me try and find a photo. Like, fake, because we hit the sub goal, the, the money, there was quite a lot of money. So I was like, I'm going to put it into this.

So I've got like fake boobs. I got the fake, fake bum, and everything. Yeah, I got the hit pads, got a dress, got everything. I've got a funny photo.

I looked fucking sick. Anyway, so after then, I was like, okay, from now on, I'll do normal Twitch goals And then If we hit the target Over X amount Then I will do it in drag

What's your drag name Antifa Antifa Wait, let me get this Let me get this for Wait until you fucking see this That's so sick Anteepa

Come on Got a bit of glare Tip it for Oh my God bro, thicker than a bowl of oatmeal. That wig is fucking serving, my dude. O'i, she absolutely fucking nailed it. Jesus.

Do you know what? I know, it was crazy. And number one, I was annoyed. Because when we were doing it, I was like, I hope I'd get really into this. Because then it's like a new kink. Like, I'm pretty fucking, I'm pretty sexually open. Oh, yeah, I'm a kinky dude.

I'm a bit of a fucking, you know, I'll be honest with me. I'm a bit of a fucking, not as in, like, I've got skills. as in like a no like i'm into sex magic like actual magic with a k um i don't you're gonna have to clarify i don't know what that means like fucking spells and shit that you do when you're shagging spells yeah man wingardium leviosa make me not fucking harry potter shit that would make me a a give me a sex spell i'm i'm invested you like so no this is me coming out as a

fucking madman. I'll show one. I'll make you feel... Well, there's... No, it's like, um... So, Alistair Crowley, it's...

I'm gonna go on a... I'll go... A very, very blanket statement of like, there's something in sexual energy if you're completely 100% open with what you're doing and what you want to do

as long as it doesn't hurt anyone. Sure. In the moment of climax, there is an unspoken force and that you can manipulate like you can will things into existence at that moment

what? Honestly, I've got fucking... Postnut clarity. I can't tell you. When the postnut clarity kicks in, you're like, oh, fuck, I'm chained up.

But anyway, so anyway, where the, what's I going with it? This is another thing. This is how fucking fragile, quote, unquote, straight men are. And it, this is,

this has blown my mind ever since I discovered this when I was a youth. And it is that, you know, throughout all of my child and all my teenage years, like, you know,

when you're fucking, growing up, a boys locker room talking about sex and bits for the first time. Everyone's like, oh yeah, make sure you got, you got find the G-spot.

You got to find the G-spot. Otherwise, the sex is going to be shit. It's like, oh, and it's like, finding the clip, finding the G-spot. Like, you need a map

because it's like, fuck, I've got to find this before my mates do, and I've got to make sure that all the sex that I do and all the fucking finger blasting is just the best thing ever. And we as men literally have one in our ass and straight guys can't get over the idea

that you can enjoy having things put in your ass and not be interested in men. And they're just like, no, exit only mate. Exit only mate. And it's like, fucking hell, how fragile are you that you wouldn't take advantage of an actual G-spot? If you're like totally fucked up and it's like, I can barely get it up, let alone

come boomth anything up the bum boom it's wonderful it's literally the best thing ever and are people that are kind of like no no no no I'm not I'm not like I'm not I'm not mad it's like you're just I just see you as someone that isn't

living life to the fullest you ain't gonna get that magic spell I'll tell you that for free you ain't gonna get that magic spell that's what I was fucking actually put me back on fucking track so when I put I made two TikToks as if do you not follow me on fucking do we not follow each other Anyway. B.R.

You're just going to follow you on TikTok. Oh, no, not on TikTok. I put them on TikTok, but I put them on Instagram as well. But so I did two of the transitions, the Busset Challenge, like as a guy. And then when I do the fucking drop, it's a girl. And then what's the other one? Oh, the fucking, you know, when they tap the boom, dunna, da, boom, he, I'm pretty and he liked that. You know that one?

That transition. Did that one as well. Are you unofficial rain lord? Yeah, that's me, unofficial, because someone else picked my fucking name. Nice. I've got you. um you can watch one now you just i'm literally gonna put it on there which one is first or second

it's a bit either both of them i mean it's a woman on that real time reaction you are fit isn't it i thought that i'm doing it again tomorrow mate how good is that it is great so i this is great

the contouring is fantastic mate it's all her i don't do fucking any of that shit she is fucking on it um so I actually had a little bit of like it made me a little bit sad my friends who didn't

like I say friends maybe more like acquaintances but like the amount of oh so what I don't know there was half the people were like genuinely just fucking idiots who have been watching the fucking news and they assume

that if a man dresses like a woman he now wants to be a woman like the amount of and it was like they were they meant well but it was like hey bro well they didn't say bro obviously but hey hey hey they

just want to know what I call you now and it's like I was just having a fucking laugh and like media is so on the fucking trans thing right now that people that I think are just like normal humans are still like oh okay so now there's there's there's

there's now black, white and grey. So there's gay, there's straight, and there's trans, and there's absolutely fucking no. There's man, woman, trans. People are desperate to categorise other people. Like, that is just the fact, like, no one can kind of just look at someone else

and just be like, oh, they're just doing what they want to do. Like, because we as humans are, like, pattern recognition is our thing. That's how we've evolved. And when we see something that doesn't fit the pattern, we're like, fuck, I have to put a label on this. And some people want to put a label on themselves because they feel like they, it's like a point of pride for them. You know, they've been oppressed their whole lives and it's like, I need this label to feel like I belong.

But other people are like, I have to put a label on this because I don't understand it. And I need to be able to put you in a box because if I can't put you in a box, then it's confusing and it makes me angry and I don't like it. And it's like, who gives a fucking shit. There was there was acquaintances who meant well, but in meaning well and asking me how I identify after that. was like they're really just so you're now assuming that every man in a dress wants to be a woman and in a way that actually fucking treads all over the trans struggle it's because they just want to understand in a simpler way and it's just not that simple like and then i had people like oh bro this is disgusting unfollowing it's like it is only disgusting it is only disgusting because you

got a fucking little twinkle down there when you saw it is that is the only reason like if they were like, oh, you know, unfollowing, it's a projection of their own insecurities. It's literally nothing to do with the act. It's such bothered. If this makes me not straight, I don't care. I would fuck me in that dress. I'd fuck you.

Dick or no dick. Well, there we go. Dick or fucking no dick or fucking no dick. I'd let you fuck me in that dress. Let's really switch it up. Now we're fucking talking. That's a real switch situation. 100%.

But the, oh, fucking flirting. I'm going to get in trouble now. There wasn't a screen between this. Jesus. The, uh, the fucking. So I'm doing it again tomorrow. Nice. And tomorrow, because I hit the sub goal and then I smashed the subgoal.

So I was like, I've really, the investors have put money into this. Wait till you fucking see these boots. Wait to you fucking see this. You got, you got pinkie six inch boot heels. Oh my God. Fucking hell I'm ready. You are not ready. Ah, the thigh highs.

Talk to me, tell me. And you know what? And people are like, people, some people think, oh, he's just. I was just doing it for money I was just doing it for Twitch It's like no actually I fucking well enjoy it Unfortunately it doesn't Doesn't turn me on

But B people fucking love to see it It's fucking it is actually making me money But as well as making me money I fucking love doing it I wish I would If I were less of a pussy I'd start on only fans I totally would What?

Just jerking off and shit Just yeah just straight out of cat Because I don't know There's there's just like I'm a pretty liberated person and I'm like open with my sexuality and stuff like that but there's there's just a roadblock in my head that makes me not do it I can't explain it and is it the band because I thought about doing it but it was it's the band I mean yeah I do have pretty recognizable tattoos but like the thing is it would be if I just started an only fans like with my face and everything

which is like this is my only fans this is my penis it wouldn't be the end of the world like people probably just be like hey power to you like I could I could spin it and just be like this is what I want to do. It's fine. Like you have to pay and you have to be over 18 anyway and I'd probably make a decent handful of money and I'd probably have fun doing it

but there's just a part of me that's just like, yeah, don't. And I don't know why. But... See, my missus does it and she makes a fucking bank. And I've always been tempted to just be like, I could just be in this one.

Yeah. But I don't want to like, I don't know if something, if it was frowned upon or whatever. That's probably yeah. I wouldn't want the, the other members of my band to suffer. Like if it was just me on my own, I'd have done it.

But like I, exactly. That's probably actually it. Like, there's more than one person in trash boat and if the band, like, but it would, it wouldn't end because like, imagine getting cancelled for just having an only fan. It just wouldn't happen. I don't think you get cancelled. I just, I don't know. It's the unknown, isn't it?

It's the unknown. Honestly, during COVID, before it was like, before I made Twitch money, like, that's now, like, officially what gets me through the month, money-wise, I thought about it, because I was like, I could just eat a little bit less carbs, get the abs back, boom, dick out. I'm saying, easy money, passive income.

But the other thing, I know a lot of only fans, girls through, obviously, my missus friends, like a shout out, Lika the Makeup Master. All of the girls I'm currently seeing have OnlyFans. Yes, fight. Okay, so how sick is this?

Like, they need to make content. This goes for boys and girls. But like, so they're... It's like three or four times a week. They are dressed up like you would only get on your fucking birthday. Yeah. Four times a week. It's the best thing on earth.

And, you know what else about it? It's kind of fucking hot. Super hot. That someone else is going to, watch it. Does that make me a cuck? I don't give the fuck. I don't actually care. It makes you the bull because you get... Does it? Is it the most alpha? Well no, you're like you are cucking the people that are watching. So it's like you

get to fuck the only fans star and other people watch. I guess you guys could pay to watch. Yeah. That's fucking that's like financial cucking. That's like a different level of cucking. And that's that's my shit. I never understood that. I'm a fucking I'm a fucking pay pig. No, I'm the opposite. I'm the pay bull. Yeah, you're literally the bull. I'd be the bull if I were ever in a cucky situation. I would I would ball. I mean, I love kink. Kink is like, kink is a pretty like heavy aspect of my life.

Like, I enjoy it. Obviously, it's, it's like relatively private and I'm not one of those guys that is gonna. And now, this is on not, not fest.com. Yeah, I mean, you know, I, I mean, mine's not now. I mean, mine never is. Anyway, I talk about it all the time. Yeah. Like, I love, I don't know if I could ever go back to just like regular vanilla sex ever again you know like maybe but not really uh i just fucking i feel like i just like everything yeah i'm just open to i'm open to any experience in life i think i'm a heed hedonist hedonist whatever that is just like give me all of the pleasure mainlined into my head i mean that is from everything personality that oh it needs to go up my ass to do that fine that get it done that has fed into some of like the biggest problems that i've had in my

my life that kind of hidden and like the the song that I sent you that you haven't had the chance to listen to yet heroin nice save there classic um thank you this this because I didn't have time no but that's um that's literally what that song is about so and that and that's going to be when we put that it's not called heroin that's like a working title it's going to be called something else but is it about heroin it's not it's not well I mean it's just about like secretly I just want to do all of the fucking drugs I just want to crush up my prescription oxycon in pills and just be in a euphoric, um, opiate induced state and watch all the porn and have all the sex and just do fucking nothing and smoke weed and just shag and be a degenerate.

Because that's secretly what I want to do. Obviously, every day I have to stop myself from doing that. Like, I, oxy's a bad one though. Come on. Take that out of there. Ox, oxy's a, dude, I had a, like, really, really bad, uh, prescription painkiller problem for the, and porn problem for the, for the longest time, like, associated with my knee.

Oh, so you really meant everything you just said. Oh, I totally meant everything I just said. Like, when all my knee stuff started getting really bad, like I was about 18, 19. And at the time, I'd had like five surgeries. I had an untreated staff infection. I'd woken up from surgery number five, I think, where the surgery, like my parents were next to my bed when I woke up in the hospital bed they were in tears I was like groggy I was like what the fuck they were just both crying never seen my dad cry before it was really weird but they were both

in tears and the surgeon was like stood next to my bed with this clipboard and he was like your knee is in a really really bad way and I was like I don't understand what's going on he was like he showed me this kind of slideshow image on the clipboard of him just using these tweezers to pull out all of this rotting flesh from the inside of my name so my cartilage was just coming up off in chunks and like the articular surface of my bone he was just pulling it off and he was just like it was all just rotten and that's why your knee's been so swollen and weird yeah because i had the staff after the after the surgery you got the infection no no i got my the staff infection i got on like the second surgery and it went untreated for like two years and i had other surgeries to

take out little pieces of torn cartilage they thought it was just subsequent cartilage tears that's what i thought it was so i'd go in for like surgery three surgery four because my knee it'd be all swollen and shit and they just take out like a little piece of cartilage. You're lucky to have that fucking leg. I'm lucky to have that fucking leg. And at one point when I had this fifth surgery, he was just like, this has gone undetected and your knee is basically just utterly rotten and it'll never be the same ever again.

It's only going to get worse from here. You're going to need a knee replacement at some point in the near future, which is really bad because of how young you are. And not only is it really bad, but the fact that you've had a staff infection at some point means that if you choose to get a knee replacement at any point, the staff infection could just come back because they thrive on metal surfaces which is what knee replacement is

and if that happens not only could you lose your leg but it could spread and it could kill you or you could lose like more than your leg it could spread like up your hip and it could like I literally had a call with my surgeon two weeks ago and he was like you need to face the reality that not only do you desperately need a new replacement but whenever you choose to roll the dice on that surgery

it could go horribly wrong. So they can't fucking they can't fix me in any way and my choice at the moment is either live in pain and just limp because like I limp everywhere I go This got fucking serious really quick

I know I was talking about a lovely cross-dressing It ties into the point I was originally making They're like my life at the moment Like I can't walk very far at all I limp everywhere I go I'm in pretty much constant moderate pain To severe pain depending on how much walking I have to do I can't put any weight on my bad leg

It's just this rotten weak horrible little stick That will give way occasionally and makes it really, really hard to do day-to-day stuff. And I need to roll that when it gets intolerable and I can't move, then I have to roll the dice and I have to take the knee replacement thing, which may end up in the- Why can't they get rid of the MRSA?

No. Or whatever, it's staff. Is it the same thing? I mean, yeah, it's staff, but like they can't guarantee anything. These are the calls that I've had. It's like, we can't guarantee anything here. Anything could happen. We have no idea what's going on, really.

We have no idea whether we can fix it. All we know is that at some point... That must be so frustrating. It is super annoying. And like at the time, when this all properly kicked off and I was about 19, it's about 10 years ago now, maybe about 20-ish. And they were just like, we can't do anything for you. You just basically have to live with it. And when it gets unbearable, let us know and we'll roll the dice.

And what they could do was prescribe me painkillers. So I got an oxycontin prescription. I got Tramidol prescription, diocephynec, which I stopped taking because it was fucking in my stomach. So they changed me to naproxin, diazepan. and I ended up taking beta blockers as well because I started getting really anxious about how many drugs I was taking so they gave me more drugs to make me less anxious

about how many drugs I was taking. Rare by them. Fucking crazy, yeah. Like, I was a young kid and I was exploring sexually and I was absolutely dosed up on painkillers the whole time. And for those of you that know, being on opiates to such a heavy degree basically gives you erectile dysfunction.

Like nothing was, it kind of worked, but not really. And I had loads of like really embarrassing uh situations at the time which I didn't understand that it was the painkillers at the time I just thought that I couldn't do sex

you know what I mean so it was rough and I ended up just leaning into porn obviously because I was a young kid and I needed that that release so I ended up with a savage porn addiction and a savage opiate addiction that I had for like

the longest time I've been I've been completely what counts as a porn addiction though because I reckon I had a porn addiction when I was fucking 17. This is the back and forth because like even when I kind of cut porn down to like let's say once a week or once a fortnight, it was still something that my life revolved around and that I was looking forward to and I wasn't engaging with like real people.

I was just waiting until like I'd allow myself to watch some porn. You know what I mean? So that's still an addiction. It's an interesting one though. Like the porn, the porn, uh, the pros and the cons of porn, right? Because actually right now, I don't watch any porn.

I don't, because as I just, but I haven't stopped actively. It's because my girlfriend's got an only fan and she's making porn four times a week. So I'm in, I'm in, you know,

I'm inside, I'm in the Matrix. I'm in the fucking Matrix. So I haven't actually watched porn. I think I watched porn like once in the last year. Yeah, people can balance it. The point is I wasn't balancing it. And the porn stuck around way long in the painkiller.

So like, I was, I was dosed. taking painkillers every day up until about like 23 and then the porn lingered until i was about like 25 26 and then for the last couple years i've just been teetotal on everything and i'm like but you not think porn is the devil but yeah yeah and this is the thing i don't think i agree with the porn is the devil statement because i feel like if a kid because i can't balance it it's so weird because you can't no one has the answers but in my head if you have a kit like you

can't control what gives somebody their fetish. Like it happens in inane acts in childhood, like not necessarily sexual acts or whatever. So what if you have a kid who is, let's say 18 for the sake of this being fucking too edgy, you have a kid who's 18, right, and for some reason, let's go, she, just so I can really get off the fucking hook for this one. She is into ball stomping. Like, and she doesn't know why, but, you know, it really fucking gets her fucking going. Now, if she doesn't have the outlet, I have really got myself in the clear here by the age and the gender.

Fucking go me. If she doesn't have her outlet for ball stomping, she's addicted to ball stomping, then what's to say she's not going to go out and bull stomp? That's the classic argument, isn't it? For like, you know, people that are into like illegal stuff and it's like, is it better for them to have that outlet to see illegal things? Or does that, or do you think that's going to make them want to do it in real life more? And also, how are the illegal things getting made?

That's the big. What if the illegal things is just a drawn picture? Now we're getting down to Louis Theroux's fucking place for paedophiles episode. It's deep. Like, it's deep. I mean, look, the thing is, porn isn't real. And it was affecting my ability to engage with the real world. And I was substituting real world experiences for non-real experiences.

I'm not saying that, like, the non-real experiences are objectively bad. But for me, personally, I had to cut it completely clean and just focus on the real. and like I'm not even a hundred percent better. I don't watch porn anymore and I don't take painkillers anymore unless I have to. Like my relationship with both of these things is vastly healed and I feel like a normal human being. There's still residual effects that linger from just that like, because porn is so easy. Like you can just sit there and dive into the deepest part of your fantasy brain and you have complete control over what's going on and you don't have to put in any effort and compared to. It's all on there. Yeah.

Do you know what I mean? It's like. Compared to real sex, it's just not the same. And you develop dopamine pathways and ways of stimulating yourself that are just not real. And then you start to enjoy the real world less. And I was like, I don't enjoy this because my brain reacts to this stimulus and not this stimulus. And that's when I decided to cut it because I was like, I'm not a fucking real person. And it's like my brain is telling me that I don't enjoy real sex and it's bullshit.

I just worry with the antiporn vibe, couple of things. number one you probably a lot of quite a lot of people especially women on only fans would get go out of work if porn's gone second note there's a lot of countries where porn is illegal and they have insanely high rates of sex crime yeah so porn should not be a hundred percent i think you need to sh the porn hub needs to be fucking closed the tube sites need to to be fucking closed and then porn realistically men are the biggest fucking threat and if anyone you're so sexist

men are the biggest fucking threat and watching fucking rapy porn and then carrying it out is definitely a thing horrible totally um so maybe we just fucking get rid of the tube sites and all porn is directed by women boom

done interesting I mean like yeah I don't think porn is except for the ball crushing woman She's not allowed to make hers. She needs at least a co-director. Like, I don't think porn is objectively bad. I just couldn't balance it. Not for you. That's like weed and me.

Can't smoke it. Like, I love it. Can't smoke it. Yeah. Like, I could just watch porn. And I did just watch porn for a long time. And then I had like a come to Jesus moment where I was just like, fucking hell.

I'm like 25. And this is just like, it's looking like this is going to be the rest of my life. And I cut it cold. and I've been a very good boy for about three years now. I watched so much porn when I was married. Fucking out of the amount. Because I just, just, just, just, just fucking, just didn't want a fucker. Straight up.

So I was just like, but then the more porn I watched, the less on it to fuck it. Totally. Well, you're not, you're not why fancy today, ever for the last fucking two years. So what the fuck? This is the thing as well. Like, I, you know, I would, you content where the lines of consent become grey, but not because I wanted to breach those lines for, I wanted to be the one on the other side of it.

Careful. This is the thing. You know what I mean? So it's like it was just an un... A lot of people are into that. Yeah, dude, I'm a, I'm a bottom through and through, man. I'm on the ice diet, like 100%. Um, and...

What's the ice diet? I'm on the ice diet, man. What does the ice diet mean? It means that the system's clean, my dude. Oh, right. Okay, yeah. I get it. That's funny. Well, you got no switching, you know? Oh, I'd have switching me, but I'm like, I'm a bottom dom. Bottom with men. Bottom dominant, like, I mean, like, if the vibe.

With men. If the vibe was right, I would switch for either, but like, you know, I'm pretty open to suggestions. I'm open to exploring. generally my my default is with men very bottom with women very top is it well i said that's fucking dangerous on all sides yeah yeah totally getting yourself into all sorts of trouble but he's not really guys come on we can have a real we can't growing up conversation i think conversation is the and and communication is the most important part like that any any action between consenting adults is it's not an objectively bad thing. Like I've had conversations where it's like, okay, you're just got to have safe words. You've got to have open communication.

You've got to, you know, like, because being the bottom is a position of power. That's what a lot of people don't understand. So if you're like, if you are the bottom, if you are the masochist that is going to get like beaten up or choked or, you know, fake this and that play where it's like the lines of consent, are being kind of blurred and crossed. At the end of the day, the only situation in which I am interested in is the one where the bottom has the final say.

Because otherwise I'm not interested. Otherwise, it's too real. You know what I mean? Like, as soon as the bottom says stop, it stops. So even though the top is like the big dom doing all of the, you know, horrible things, at the end of the day, the bottom is the one with the true power. Bottom says stop.

Interesting. Bottom says a safe word, stop. And that's how it has to be. If it's like that and it's consensual and there's communication, then there's very few limits for me. I'm open to just see where it goes and talk about stuff and let's go. But if that is not...

You need to get into fucking sex magic. You don't be working in this fucking... this tech support job. You want to manifest some fucking riches. You're going to have to show me how to manifest some riches. I reckon you're having this fucking good good. I reckon you're having the good good. And that's where the fucking actual magic happens.

Everyone's going to stop listening now. Because the man is a fucking... tiger bar. Do you know what else? This is, the British Library contacted me like, are you in, like, would you be okay if we archive the downbeat in the British Library? As in like where one of every book

ever written goes and they're starting on podcasts and they were like, can we do it with the downbeat? Absolutely, you can't. So some fucking guy 300 years from now might be listening to this and being like wait, everyone didn't fuck everyone back then.

Dude, I have the good... But they're hairless beings that are just fucking everyone's going around, shagging everyone. You're going to have to show me some of this sex magic at some point. Like, I have the good, good now. I can't show you it. I'm in a relationship, but I can show you a book. Just give me a free pass to your only fans

when you inevitably end up making it. But like, I have the good, good now on many fronts because porn is no longer a part of my life, which is just, I love that. And that's my word. Like, I'm not going to tell anyone. think I agree. I think I agree. I think I have I have better sex because I haven't fucking jerked off

three times that week. And also because it's you know, I can't stress it enough. It's like I get a lot of actually a lot of messages of people like, oh, how do you cope with her having an only friend? It's like I started talking to her on her only fans. Like, so who am I to say to stop doing that? Number two, you know that sex you only you get once a year on your fucking birthday three fucking times a week i'm all about it see you later i mean i'm not even like i mean i'm i'm only i'm currently like exploring polyamory where like i've

i'm interested nice yeah like i basically have a handful of partners who are all aware of the situation it's all what they want as well like they are polyamorous too they have multiple partners when it comes to that my only my only words communication is key talk to me tell me tell me I want to hear about it, and please don't give me an STD. I was going to say, get tested. That's it. Because at the minute you said I saw the family treat, not real family, but I saw the branches. I was like, okay, this is.

Yeah, it's, that's sick. Good for you. It's messy. It's not perfect. I was going to say, I was going to say, is it messy? It's so. Is there love involved? Are you in love with more than one person?

No. No, it's polyamory is kind of a misnomer because that the literal translation is like multiple love. I don't feel like I'm in love with any of. anyone um but i am exploring in some of them in relationships with multiple people at the same time who are aware that that is what's going on and that's also what they want and yeah obviously like there's there's feelings involved to a great or a lesser extent like i've had friends that have engaged in polyamorous relationships and like some of their partners have ended up finding someone that treats them like a queen and they're like i actually don't want to be polyamorous because

this person treats me like with all this loyalty and whatnot and you know the the discrepancy in your emotional investment can become quite apparent, especially if you don't like talk about it a lot or if all of a sudden, like people can change their minds, people can meet people who change their minds. It's 100% messy. But I don't feel like I want to commit to anything to like the same degree that like you do

or like settling down with like a wife or whatever. I haven't met that person yet. And until I do... Mine was shit anyway, so don't bother with that one. Just don't do that. Just don't do it. Yeah, I mean, until like, until I hit that, that Disney love and I meet that person where I'm like, oh my God, it's you and you forever.

Until then it'll be, you know, the bachelor's life for me. The, the, the, The bi bachelor. The bi bachelor. Double the amount. I'm just greedy, man. Double the amount. It's fucking sick. I kind of fucking, I wish, I wish I fucking, like, I wish I liked guys because it would be more shit to be turned on by.

but I think my line is like I don't care about dicks if a girl's got a dick like race but I don't yeah I don't know what does that make me who gives it far you don't vibe the masculine energy

yeah no that's not for me yeah that's not what about like feminine guys I still don't think so see I'm not personally attracted to well I mean so far I haven't met any really feminine guys that I've been attracted to. So, like, I like a manly man, whatever that is.

Yeah, I think I just like girls and... Me too, brother. But, but, like, you know, if, I guess if I, if I was a trans girl, I'd be like, yeah, let's go. Yeah. I, like, I don't know. Not like I think an op makes you any more or less. When it comes to trans or your gender presentation or, like, your femininity or whatever,

I'm not going to say I'm not into that. or I'm into that, I'm going to take it on a person by person basis. I reserve my right to be... And it could be a dicker? Yeah, totally. I reserve my right to potentially be attracted to whoever I want. And no one can ever say, oh, but you're this. So you can't be attracted to this.

It's like, I shall fuck up, man. Shall I fuck up. I'll be attracted to whoever I want. While we can blur cross those lines together, though, the porn fetishization of trans people is definitely an issue as well. Festization of anything, though. That's the devious nature of it. Right now you've got the political hot potato of trans people,

so all the media outlets are fucking talking about it or whatever. And then you've also got the fetishization of trans people that's been going on for so long. So you then get these people, like, I've got a lot of friends who've gone on TV and talked about their transition or stuff like that. And then they've had, you know, fucking 500, pickpicks because because of the people that have been watching it on porn just to see them as an object.

So I don't know how we fix that. I mean, I think the way we fix it is to just get women to direct All-Born and make it heavily regulated. All right. You can see I'm yawning. Canackard. I ain't got it. Yeah, that's a fucking, most people, I did a podcast with Daniel P. Carter, right? And every time he had to cough or do anything, he pressed mute.

And I'm just fucking yawning all over the fucking, yawning all over the mic. People still listen, though. You're still fucking here. I mean, I love it. That was a fucking deep dive into sexuality and gender. I feel like, if we listen back to that, we'd be like, oh, fucking hell, yeah. What?

I don't think it was that. I think we're good. Hey, I'm an open book, my guy. I love talking depth. I think a lot of people might be shocked. This is why I don't ever do an interview. I knew we weren't going to say. talk about the fucking song or any any band shit really and that is why people like it because

yeah yeah yeah i hate it the amount of times honestly if it wasn't you i would have turned this down because this was out of the blue from a press from a press person and if we hadn't have met before i was like because he messaged me and was like are you interested in toby from trash boat bubble as if we'd never met and i was like yeah i know that guy i love him let's do it but like the amount that i get and it's like are you interested in this person's like well funnily enough fucking no and i did a couple of times a couple of times i've actually done it because it's been someone i don't know but i like their music and it's been horrible and i actually haven't released the episodes because it's me me going oh so on the new album there's so fuck off

i don't want to care i don't want to i don't know i don't care i don't care the people are going to listen to the fucking music anyway let's talk about whether or not you stick stuff up your ass. It's a fucking way, mate. I'm telling you. I think that's a lovely place to end on, Toby. I mean, that's a lovely place to end on. I mean, we've covered a lot of ground there.

Totally. I've had a really good time. It's actually having a very bad day before this. And now I'm jovial. I'm glad. I really am. We should start a sec. We should start a subsequent podcast, like a split-off podcast that's just to do with sex magic.

I wanted to get loads of fucking, like, only. He only fans girls on here and boys actually. And everyone said no. I was like, well, you put your fanny on the internet. But you won't talk about it. You won't talk about it. Come on. Mugs game.

Anyway, we'll leave it on that fucking note.