The Downside with Gianmarco Soresi - #104 Pregnant Basketball with Mo Welch

Episode Date: October 4, 2022

Mo Welch joins to discuss the downsides of civil war museum gift shops, growing up in Normal, Illinois (not to be confused with Sandwich, Illinois), being addicted to bad improv, playing basketball with Adam Sandler, having your wife’s friend as a sperm donor, and leaving your abusive dad as a kid and then reuniting with him as an adult and then him getting into a motorcycle accident and not being sure how your documentary about this whole affair will end. You can watch full video of this episode HERE! Join the Patreon for ad-free episodes, exclusive content, and MORE. Listen to our live weekly show on AMP, every Tuesday at 4 PM ET. Follow Mo Welch on Instagram Get tickets to Mo's album recording in Chicago on October 8. For all the latest, check out Mo's website! https://mowelch.com/ Follow Gianmarco Soresi on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, & YouTube Subscribe to Gianmarco Soresi's email & texting lists Check out Gianmarco Soresi's bi-monthly show in NYC Get tickets to see Gianmarco Soresi in a city near you Watch Gianmarco Soresi's special "Shelf Life" on Amazon Follow Russell Daniels on Twitter & Instagram E-mail the show at [e-mail] Produced by Paige Asachika & Gianmarco Soresi Video edited by Spencer Sileo Special Thanks Tovah Silbermann Part of the Authentic Podcast Network Original music by Douglas Goodhart Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

One, two, three. Downside. You're listening to The Downside. The Downside. With Gianmarco Cerezi. Yeah, I think I leave red-eyed next Wednesday night. It's always weird. I just always feel when I'm in L.A., I'm like, I don't do...

I think it's more that all the shows I do, I have to do well. Yeah. And so I always feel I have to do well. Yeah. And so I always feel very creatively unfulfilled. Right. I'm just like, I didn't work on anything new. I just said the same shit. And that's every LA show because I'm just like, please, when I come back, book me again. Well, that's nice because you're doing the A material, so you will get booked again.

And then, you know, come back and do the C material. Yes, that's the goal. Skip the B entirely. Just straight from the notebook. New thoughts from the plane. Are we good recording? Great. No, I'll just look at my phone now and then. Yeah. Thank you so much. Well, hello. Hello. Welcome to the downside. Well, hello. Hello.

Welcome to The Downside. See, you hop right in. That's what you need with a guest. Some guests, I swear to God, I want to test it one day where I'm going to have a guest who's not a comedian and see if I can go the full podcast without them saying anything. You just keep talking. No questions. Thank you to our guests. Well, welcome to The Downside.

I'm in los angeles uh in a cranky mood cranky mood i i i'm here with a mix of of of work and pleasure which is never good it's it's a good girlfriend's friend's wedding is that really pleasure i'm i'm trying to be make it pleasure for her and she's with her friends and I'm like an antisocial creature but she wants me to be there and present it's a lot and for me I'm realizing

as I travel the one thing I need to do is work out and it's like I don't even know if it's about being in shape I think it's just like that's the one thing

that says to me I'm in control of my life. And today I went to Barry's bootcamp. Last night I checked what the travel time was. Clean 13 minutes. This morning, 46 minutes. Was very late and was very upset. I don't know how you live here. I don't know how you plan anything here.

Yeah, that's Barry's bootcamp. That sounds like very intense sounds like very intense you've done it no because i've heard of it treadmill floor that there's too many transitions in that workout for me i just need to be like you know like if i do pilates i'm just like on that thing my mom's a pilates oh really do you do the pilates do you like the the pilates where it's like music or do you do like 90 year olds it's you know it it's sort of like that yeah yeah it's probably a mix between it because it's in pasadena and what i say is i always go in and i'm like they're like do you have any like they basically ask you have any ailments and i'm like yeah i you know i just had a baby and that was three years ago but i just say it so they don't like try to make me do things like harder.

Really? They're like, oh, it's fine. She's postpartum. When you're postpartum, what's like the weakest? Like what does it affect? Your whole core. Yeah. Basically, you lose all of that muscle. Is it because it's atrophied or is it because it's like wounded or where did it go? That's a good question. But like I remember when I – I always had like – I mean it's not like I always had abs, but they were in there somewhere because I play sports. And so I was – they're always there.

And then after having the baby, there's just like nothing. It's like there's not one muscle there. So you have to build back your entire core this is very dumb this speaks to high school education the baby it's under the abdominals correct yeah the baby is like under under there somewhere and honestly i didn't even when i had a child i didn't want to know anything that was going on like i didn't do like deep dives of uh what happens to my body just freak you out like i didn't do like deep dives of uh what happens to my body just freak you out i just thought i would like get ill thinking about it

and and i was just like i'm just gonna do this once so i don't need to know yeah so you probably asked me questions and i'm like i don't fucking know yeah good i'll feel smarter than well i wonder if you have like if you're really like cut and you a baby, is there a point where your baby bump has a six-pack, like a little stretched out pack? There are those people that have children that work out the entire time, and I don't know how they do it because you're so tired. What can't you do? You can't do crunches.

Yeah, you can't do any. Yeah, I didn't do any crunches because, yeah, you can't do any. Yeah. I hope I didn't do any crunches. Cause yeah, that seems like the baby would just be crushed. In terms of movement. Like, can you jump or is the baby like get a headache? You, okay. I played basketball until my second trimester. So four months pregnant, I was playing basketball.

And then it becomes a thing where it's like, okay, you could get like blunt you know like if i fall down on the court sure yeah so it was your pass and you miss yeah oh my god imagine how bad i am that someone throws me a pass and i miss like that listen that's not beyond me that seems like a regular catch for me um well welcome to the downside of maternity edition my name is jim marcus uh i'm here with my guests it's first time we've ever met yes uh because you're an la comedian it's going well thank you yeah good mo welch a comedian cartoonist how are you doing i'm great what's the downside i'm feeling good uh cartoonist is is the word what's the worst people say, though? People must say other weird things.

Comic person. Like drawer. Drawer. Oh, comedian. Yeah. Comedian. Yeah. Comedian person has been like, I've been introduced on stage that way.

What's the worst you've gotten? You're like, can you just call me a comedian? The worst I've gotten. Oh, I mean, I get like, I once was trying to, I work a club in New York called LOL. It's the worst club in the world. I'm going to make a book someday. And the host for a while would bring me up and say, the next comedian is the gayest guy I've ever met.

And one day I was trying to get taped for America's Got Talent. It's a submission. And I said, could you not call me that when you bring me on stage? And he went up there and he called me the F word. And I said, oh, there we go. Wow. 2022. I thought it would help me get America's Got Talent even better.

They said this kid was bullied from the moment he stepped foot stepped foot on they love a good bully story they do i i probably have said it before on this but they were interested and my story was my parents are divorced and they wrote back like anything that hasn't happened to half the country uh but someday i don't know if they want to do that show still i might be past the risk of bombing on america's got town i don't know if I want to do that show still. I might be past the risk of bombing on America's Got Talent. I don't know. Are they pretty good, though? Like, with Last Comic Standing, I feel like they were really good about not letting comics bomb and then air it. No, they pull some funky shit sometimes.

Oh, okay. They'll attach a reaction to a different punchline. Or if it did fine. I think it's like if you do fine they might make you look bad in the edit yeah i had somebody come by once i was doing a show and they messaged me like hey i'm from america's got talent i'm watching your set tonight and i was like why i would never like you should like i would never do that show because i i just know that i would that it'd be a bad edit. I just know my luck.

Or that I would truly eat shit. And yeah, they came back and they never messaged me again. Because I'm sure I went on stage and I was like, I fucking hate everything. You know, just the most depressing. Their incentive system, those talent coordinators for those shows, at least what I've experienced. It's very weird where they have different producers who kind of call the talent they go out they find the talent and they submit it and I think their bonuses or whatever is very much tied to uh who gets through who makes an impression who gets the good talent

in a way where I remember like one person was interested then another person was interested and like it became a thing of like oh they have a nod they can't compete they were like he couldn't submit me because she had submitted me and i thought oh great you both like me you both go forward two two people vouching for me but it was like no it's like the voice yes everything's like the voice the voice is like life yeah um well i i want to get to know you in a second. I was just in Richmond, Virginia. Doing? Sandman Comedy Club.

Great comedy club. Okay. Very good. But have you been to Richmond? I'm actually weirdly going next month, and I've never been to Virginia. But I'm going for comedy as well. Where are you going? The improv?

Funny Bone? Funny Bone, yes. Richmond Funny Bone. So I don't know if you know this,mond i don't know anything about virginia was the was i believe richmond could be wrong capital of the confederacy okay and a lot of civil war stuff uh there they have the white house of the confederacy okay which uh uh fine historical thing they have a lot of civil war museums and i went to like the the main one right and i think the goal i think a civil war museum is probably tricky because you want to like present the war you have to make clear

which side you're on and you get the sense of the museum it's a little more impartial than you want it to be right and maybe a museum should be impartial like maybe maybe a museum should be like you know here are the facts but just a little you know you could have used a little more like this is bad yeah because that's what like when you go to the holocaust museum it's very clear yes that it's about no there's nothing in the holocaust museum of like oh and then uh there was a tough time where the nazi soldiers uh they struggled to feed their families at one point yeah right actions were so tough yes not that that's not an interesting thing it would it's interesting to know like oh look how this thing but generally you just don't you

don't want it you just don't yeah you go you know what let it be lost to the sands of time if you were a nazi you don't get to have people hear about your struggle right and that's that's the way it should be that's the way it should be but you go to this again it wasn't like the museum it was still like pro-union definitely pro-union and then you go to the gift shop and the gift shop i guess is is there a couple a lot of there's a lot of problems the gift shop is where problems occur i always try to find i've always wanted to find like funny gifts for my girlfriend at like i went to the oklahoma city bombing memorial or the 9-11 Museum. Right. And I always think like, oh, I'll get a gift that's like ironic or funny. And usually at those museums, like I think they're very – the 9-11 Memorial has nothing that could even be construed as funny. Right.

Or inappropriate. They're very – everything is just the museum logo. There's no keychain with your name. Yeah. Nothing like that. Yeah. Nothing like that. Yeah. Yes, exactly. Okay.

This gift shop was like, first they had t-shirts that said, I am my ancestor's wildest dream. And I'm like, not for everyone in Richmond. Right. not for everyone in Richmond. Right. And if you're that cashier and, you know, some white guy in a Confederate shirt comes there, I don't want him to have that shirt.

Yeah. So it's a weird shirt to sell at this museum that has not made it clear that they are firmly with the Union. Right. And then they sell coasters. Coasters of generals on both sides

of the war and again i don't think you should be able to buy a robert e lee coaster on its own right if you went to someone's house who had that coaster even if they had the whole set i'd say why do you have this coaster no one needs the the hitler and the who's the president if you're oh my god don't ask me any history questions that's really bad i thought you knew your history you're talking to me i'm like great this i'm gonna learn something just the civil war and the the holocaust but just the german part of it that's all i know right so they had that they had they had an album of Civil War songs, but half the songs were from the Confederacy. And that was the gift that I thought would be funny. But then I was worried, what if the Confederacy songs are really good?

Yeah. And then I had to tell people I like the Confederacy, but just for the music. Was it a CD? It was a CD. It was a CD. but just for the music was it a cd it was a cd that's how that's how old this is this feels like this feels like this gift shop was created before certain thoughts about like maybe this isn't appropriate yeah to celebrate the merch is not it does not sound like it's on point sounds like they need a a rebrand of merch yeah i also don't like t-shirts that have too many like words on it

sounds like you know the ancestors one i don't it's too much to read yeah sometimes i see a shirt that i think is funny but i'm like but then you're telling that joke all day right it's like you're just going around telling the same joke yeah all day long t-shirts are tough i want more but i should have got in that shirt did you get anything uh no i, I got her like a fucking plate. I really struggle with these gifts. And I think my girlfriend, because she's moved in, and my plates are just the cheapest pieces of shit you could buy. So you give her one plate.

So I get one plate with a flower on it. And I said, oh, woman, a flower. Yeah, you like this, don't you? I did my job. So definitely go see that museum it's interesting they also have a holocaust memorial in richmond which is strange to me i feel like it's to offset the civil war museums to be like hey we all fuck up sometimes yeah and uh i just think it's kind of wild to think that someone took a plane or a boat to Germany.

I'm Jewish. They filled it up with shoes, brought it to Richmond. And it's just a strange, I mean, I guess it's good. There's probably people there who need to know about it. Right. But I think it's just a little strange to have a Holocaust memorial in Richmond in richmond when there's so much for richmond to repent for on their own yeah i think that you're right i think that they go this this museum's bad let's just get like a little let's get a little one in here for for the liberals you know yeah put that in there and there's no way there's no way that's

like a good museum it's not like an authentic Holocaust memorial. If you went to South Korea and there was a Civil War museum there, I'm like this is probably like, you know, not going to be the best one. How did they get all these Confederate flags here? Why are we shipping the shit all together?

So go check that out. Enjoy Richmond. Do you go to museums when you're on the road i tried to i i went through a big art museum phase i'm not i i don't like i don't i don't ever if you told me i never have to see another picture of jesus again i'm fine with that yeah i like the modern art i liked i like to go and half the time be like, what the fuck is this? And then see ultimately some animation thing. Right.

And I go like, cool. Cool. The animation room is the best. Anything that looks close to Dragon Ball Z related, I'm like, this is what I'm here for. I try to do, I want to do more experiences. I went to Florida. I did a gun show in Florida. I went to a gun show just to like see.

Right. And to be like, that's what i want to do go somewhere and feel like like people watch with people that have nothing in common right so that's what i try to do now on the road i try to do like because i'm a workaholic i like to take an edible during the day go to one of these things and come up with some bits right and i came with some civil war bits that now I have to see if they work outside of Richmond. Right. The Art Museum, honestly, that's a great place to go and think. It's kind of like driving.

You know, you can just let your mind wander. When you go to New York, do you go to the Art Museums? Yeah, I love Art Museums. But I don't, you know, when I'm on the road, I just kind of walk. I don't go in anywhere. I just walk for miles and miles yeah just get the feel of the place that's which is usually only like six blocks long and like a

piece of shit city so we'll get to those big cities one day yeah one day um so you uh grew up in normal yeah illinois which is the normal finest yeah is it the only city named normal i hope so it's not a great name there's also a sandwich illinois on the way to normal from chicago sandwich illinois yeah which which like truly like the meal yeah like like the sandwich do they do they have fun with it are there a lot of sandwich shops i asked this guy i know this guy i don't think they lean into it as as much as they could because i was doing a show here in la and this guy was like i was doing a joke about how i'm from normal and he said i'm from sandwich i was like there's no fucking way i've never met anybody from sandwich illinois and i asked him that i was like are you guys like you

know you know i don't know what i said something stupid in the moment like are you guys like, you know, you know, I don't know what I said. Something stupid in the moment. Like, are you guys like the ketchups and the mustards? Like, what is your like, at least at school? What is your mascot? Is it something fun? Off the top of your head? Not crushed. I like off the top of your head. Crushed.

Ketcher a mustard. People be like, holy shit. Like she's a genius. And then, you know, anytime you try to like talk about, you know, I did the best crowd work. And then you say it after you've been on stage it's like wow that's hack that's that's the problem with these we're all doing these crowd work clips these days for the algorithm a lot of crowd work out there and sometimes it's just i i will i always remember i saw it's just the difference between improv

and prepare and it's impossible to overstate how much that affects one's enjoyment of it i saw a show it was a sketch show i said this is awful it's awful there was no story they were stepping all over each other's lines and as we left i said that was the worst sketch i've ever seen and my friend said that was an improv show and i was like oh it's pretty good actually and it's it's like that's the thing with crowd work right where it's like it's cool it's present it's visceral but it's not that good it's for it's for the moment it's for the room i mean with improv they always told you like don't just do they said don't just do improv because you'll never be able to write.

And because it's only good in that moment. Yeah, it's good for what it is. I mean, it's great. I love good improv. I love bad improv. I love bad improv. I love to watch bad improv. It's incredible.

So you're just at like the 101 classes front row. Yeah, that to me is like there. There's like a cringiness that like when your stomach turns, there's that that feeling for me is like the feeling of adrenaline or, you know, like that's what I'm addicted to. So like even when I do stand up, I try to make moments like I try to fabricate those sort of moments of like, what the fuck is about to happen? Sure. You know, sure. Or like, is she OK? You know, I'm like, they're scared for me up there.

I'm like, love it. Next time a friend asks me to go to their improv show, I'm going to say, oh, I'm not into that. But I have a friend. She's an addict. Yeah, she's an addict. So normal is small? How many people are normal? It's a mid-sized city.

Probably like 60,000. I have no clue. But Illinois State University is there. And it's kind of like a Twin Cities deal. There's a place called Bloomington, too. So it's Bloomington Normal. And you can't tell. There's like a street that is the middle of, I don't know what I'm trying to say, is the line.

And big family. You've said you're one of five, one of five. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's all I know after that. Great. Um, uh, and you were in normal until when, um, I was in normal till I was 12. Then we moved up to Chicago. So did you like being, did you, did you like normal? What are the, what are the downsides of normal? Everything. Everything. Yeah upside it's just no yeah it's like okay normal first steak and shake that's that's the best part of it yeah really yeah i had one in dc like this that's like the like it's like grungy it's depends on how old you are if you're 10 years old it's a fine dining sure yeah sure i get that and it's like it's just 24 7 i don't know it's at least uh open pretty

late yeah great name great name but like also steak you know you're like am i getting a fork am i getting a plastic fork and knife here or is this like you know or is it just the burger um they have great shakes if you're a shake yeah yeah once yeah yeah when barry's boot camp when i went to it on time you're so good um i have a disorder um so normal it's it's boring no culture i i would assume yeah it's just cornfields cornfields cornfields outside of it super like the thing is like in illinois there's chicago and then there's like the rest of illinois and the rest of illinois looks like iowa and indiana it's just cornfields. Now as a kid, do you play in the cornfields? I worked in the cornfields. You worked in the cornfields. Yeah.

Child labor. Absolutely. For the family? For me. For clothes. For fashion. No. I mean I worked for fashion. It was a friend of mine her dad I don't know.

He was like the head of child labor in central Illinois and got us these summer jobs. And it's horrible. It's as bad as it sounds. You're just like in the cornfields. You have to put on long sleeves because you'll get corn rash. Corn rash? Yeah. What is corn rash?

It's just like a rash that you get that you can wash off. You know, like when you take a shower, it goes away. But yeah, it's like, it's like little scratches and bumps. So you got to wear long sleeves and it's like 200 degrees in those cornfields. It's horrible. You're what, you're 12, you're 11. How much corn are you picking? Yeah, I was 11 and 12 years old. You can't be like a super useful asset to this don't they have machines i think maybe they have machines that do them now but back in the 1800s uh when i was coming up they were they were still using kids no you actually just like take out a piece of the the corn in the middle and you just go like this so that it like can keep growing or something here here again i'm like refusing to learn anything about what i'm doing but just take

taking it out and then throwing it you know on the ground yeah yeah it's just a piece of it and you just like take it out so you're going each one each stock you're just like one two it's like thousands and thousands full corn cups no no they're just like it's two. It's like thousands and thousands. Full corn cups. No, no, no. They're just like, it's this green. It's just part of the corn. And you pull it out, I think, so it can grow more. But it has to like, you're just pulling a plug kind of. And we paid on the hour?

Yeah. It was like six bucks an hour. Six bucks an hour. Yeah. And you were using this money for, for clothes. Fashion. Yeah. What were you shopping back then? Farm and fleet.

Farm and fleet? Yeah. Is that, is that a chain or is that like a. Yeah. It's like a Walmart for farmers. So you can get like your. I thought Walmart was for farmers already.

Yeah, exactly. This is like even more into that community and it's just, uh, farming materials and they got a little fashion section how get your jeans how high fashion are we talking like we're talking the lowest you can get um yeah like something this this blouse has corn shields already built in on the sleeves right bedazzled leggings um technology and so you you got the fuck out of

there yeah and why what's the family situation my we were running away from my dad who was abusive yeah and do you did you mind if i ask about oh i don't care i when did that was that throughout yeah that was throughout our life but he was in and out of our lives. And so he would leave for two years, come back. Where did he go in those two years? Great question. Was he drinking? My mom would say he was just kind of on a walkabout, but it was like a very long walk, you know, it would be for two years.

Was it? One time he went to Arkansas and just like worked there, you know, probably will definitely cheating on my mom. I mean, at that point, you're like, that's like the fifth thing down the list that you care about. Yeah. But yeah, he was he was just kind of like not into being the dad or husband. We have five kids, five kids. What kid? What number are you? Two. Two. kids five kids what kid what number are you two two do you remember a time when it was when did you what age were you like oh my dad's fucked up i mean it was pretty early and i was there's this is weird but he was he was so consistent at being inconsistent that it didn't fuck me up that much you know because he was always in and out so it was just like he weirdly was it would have been weird if for the first 12 years of my life he was there

and he was my dad and then he was leaving yes right so it was kind of just like the norm i agree with that to a certain degree where i grew up with my parents were already divorced so in a degree it was like the norm right and then i saw what my mother and stepfather their divorce how it affected their kids who grew up with it and I'm like oh that's a more not not not to level trauma yeah but that's like more of a jarring it's right cute like everything's topsy-turvy yeah especially when you're a kid and that's like your safety net. But for us, we were always moving.

We were always like, you know, poor and like, was your dad when he, did he have any good, good spurts? Yeah. Sometimes he was,

sometimes he was funny. My dad is extremely athletic. So I was like really into sports and so you know i remember playing basketball with him a couple times yeah uh he tried to teach me how to drive when i was 12 and it was a stick shift you know he there were some fun moments in there was he a good teacher i mean i didn't learn how to do it so and that So I think you'd have to stay there longer than a couple of days to teach someone how to drive. My dad taught me how to drive. That's why I don't know how to drive.

What was the car? Oh, he had like a big fucking because he had horses. So he had a big fucking truck. He had like like he loved horses. Yeah. He just grew up. I think some people I don't want to label all horse people this, but I've always thought fucked up horse people are the most fucked up people because they need a mammal that

big who won't judge them. Right. And a dog won't do it for these people. They need something bigger than them. Right. That they can give a hug to and the horse doesn't know the horrible crimes they've committed in life. I think fucked up horse people are. That's, yeah.

Well, yeah, because you can't have, like, I don't really have any horse people in my life. And I think you do have to limit them for your own sanity. Sure. So, like, you might only have, you can maybe only handle having one horse person in your life. Yes, yes. And that is my father and that is it we but we even had like he at some point the barn got too expensive or something so he kept the horse in our backyard we had we had like some forestry in maryland in the backyard you guys

have corn no no we had a very like it's like not a full like there's definitely so many things i don't know about growing up in like a rural place right but we had but a farm yeah that's just he went to virginia or west virginia and that's where he'd go for the horses okay and he wanted me i mean i think one of the reasons my dad amongst many others my dad became close with my little sister was because she was into horses. And I was an indoor boy from day fucking one. And we tried to get me to ride a horse. I took one horse lesson. I was just a sensitive little boy.

And we were moving fast. And I think my balls hit the saddle, which is just common. If you're going to ride horses, your balls are going to take a beating. That's rough. And I just started crying. And I said, I'm never riding a horse again. And my dad said, I need to have another kid. Yeah. And so, so yeah. So my dad taught me in his truck, which was the massive fucking truck that was impossible to navigate. And, and he, my dad didn't follow the rules. So I'd be like, you know, can I take a U-turn on the

highway? And he'd be like, I don't can I take a U-turn on the highway? And he'd be like, I don't see any cops. And you're like, okay, you're not a good teacher. Right. And that's kind of interesting. Because they're just like, here, I'm going to teach you how to ride a horse. No, I'm not going to do that. I'm going to teach you how to ride a truck.

I can't do that either. My dad had a series of disappointments. Yeah. If he just said, I'm going to teach you how to sing a ballad, we would have really gotten along. Well, my dad held out hope. I have one brother. And the last time he really connected with my brother, he brought him down. You know, my brother's probably like six or seven at the time. He signs him up for baseball. And my dad's like he loves baseball. And so he always imagined playing baseball with his son and that his son would be really good at baseball. My brother is like, you on a horse, you know? has these expectations of their children and when it's not met they're like well maybe okay well maybe the next kid or maybe maybe not at all sure my dad for me he definitely wanted me to be into sports and not just playing them but like watching them and i mean he would tell people he pretended i was into football

for so long he would tell other people like oh my son loves the washington redskins at the time and knows all the stats and i was like i do not i don't care about any of this wow you got to take the things you get we watch seinfeld together but but you got to just accept or have more kids and roll the dice. But it's nice to not have any, like, because I have a kid, I don't have any expectations of like, it would be wild for me to think I'm, I'm going to like, if you're not interested in basketball or corn picking or comedy or, you know, whatever that like, that's going to affect how I feel about you. If a kid is interested in anything that's positive, that's awesome. Of course, I, of course that's, that's the elevator.

So musical, musical theater, or, you know. Sure, my dad could have gotten into it. I just think, I just think parents, they, they want, they have these expectations that I think they're tough to get rid of. they have these expectations that I think they're tough to get rid of. I think a lot, especially with like men and like, if they have a gay son, I think like the same way sports is a point of connection.

Like men, straight men being like, son, look at the legs on her. Like that is a point of, of bonding. Right. And I think like sometimes parents reaction to someone coming out

is also related to to them going oh fuck i can't relate to my child in this way right and it's like it's trying you know the elevated position is there's a lot of different ways you can relate to a human being and and yeah yeah Cause my brother is also gay. Oh yeah. So I'm sure that was, I mean, and we knew from such a young age that he was gay. And so. What age would you say? Three.

And do you think, I think it's as someone who like is a feminine. Right. And people would, I feel like if I had come out later in life that people would go, oh, we knew from six. Because I – to display that, do you think you really knew or there were just traits that felt traditionally feminine? Yeah. It was based on stereotypes. Sure. But that's what it – yeah.

Yeah. And what were three? Yeah. I just remember he was so young when we we like first started thinking oh maybe he's gay and so whatever it was i mean it was right but even even when he came out my mom was denying it you know she just thought because she thought she was like no he's just like jim carrey and we were like what does that mean and like is he gay or jim car? On this week's game show. Yeah, so it was, you know, she just thought he was, like, performative.

And, like, you know, meanwhile, he's not at all. Yeah. She just thought he was silly. It's so stupid. Is your brother the youngest? He's the second youngest. Second youngest. That's so stupid.

Is your brother the youngest? He's the second youngest. Second youngest. Why did your mom keep having kids with this kind of nightmare? Was she in love? You know, back then, I think my mom had her first kid at 23. And I think you're just rolling with it. My mom would always say, just, I never imagined your dad would be a bad dad. And I said, what is your evidence?

And she was like, I think she just wanted, she was trying to wish that into existence. But turns out my dad said he never wanted any kids. And so they just keep having kids. You don't use, like, back then, and, like, my mom is Catholic, or was at the time. You just don't use you can't even afford condoms i mean we were like on public aid but like no it was just like this is stupidity had condom bowls out in places yeah before they were just raw dogging every time yeah and it's probably like you know he was in and out of town so it just like i guess it just worked a lot

uh yeah you know when people come back from a trip, you're like, we gotta go to town. They say like in a relationship, you should, you know, allow yourself to miss a person. And so I guess they did that to the extreme. Yeah. Nothing like that two years away in Arkansas sex. Right. That's the best. Like, well, I'm just here funding for our family.

I just feel like, because you said there wasn't a lot of money either i just feel like i just feel like the third time you get pregnant you go oh no it's oh no we gotta switch holes or we gotta do something to like we cannot have five that's the thing you do have another hole you could have been messing with the whole time i should ask my mom Should we get her on the phone? How come you didn't go for anal after that third kid? So what changed where your mom said, we got to fucking go? It was like in a moment of like throwing stuff, kicking her violence, physical violence, where she said, this is it. Like, I think in that situation, you're always thinking about it. How could I leave? She tried

to leave a couple of times and like move up to Chicago, but like, you know, it's hard to leave those situations. It's really, really hard. And a lot with kids and people weren't taking her in. Honestly, it's like she has family, but like my mom was a burden, you know? And so it, it was really too bad. I saw a couple of times where she did try to leave when she had two kids or she had three kids. And then eventually in this time it was just ready. She was ready to actually do it and to say, I don't care where we're going. I will find us a way that is in here and okay so you're 12 yeah 12 your older sister is what she's 13 this is these are young these are 13 12 and then younger younger yeah it was like 13 12 9 5 and 2 so i i i'm just trying to like figure out how how she did so she has a night it's a terrible night.

You guys are all in the house. You go in the room and you hear this thing. Are you shouting? Actually, he's in the living room. He throws this incredibly large Atlas book at my head. I duck. Was he mad about something specific or was he just not fucking with you? Yes, of course.

It's not anything that means anything. It's like a TV. Like we wanted to watch something else that wasn't baseball, you know, and that just sets him off. He's probably been drinking. It goes to like one, you know, and then he throws something at my, my mom, who's holding my baby sister.

And like, it just was enough where, you know, the, you know, I don't remember the day specifically. There are like parts of it. I remember like us all running in the car and like my dad leaving. And was it that night? It was like a day. Yeah. Uh-huh.

And is he fighting this at all? Is he not in the house? So he leaves after that and goes to the bar or whatever. And then we tried to get ready while he was uh gone we thought okay we got a couple hours and you were all on the same page no one said i want to stay with dad or i miss dad or what are we doing you were all gone well the funny thing about it is like i'm 12 years old we're moving to chicago you know and we're like i'm like give me the fuck like we live moving to chicago you know and we're like i'm

like give me the fuck like we live in this house in the country that like barely has electricity it has like a water pump it's like we want to get the fuck out of here you knew what was out there you'd been to chicago yeah because my yeah because my family my my whole family lives in chicago you know besides my immediate family so i knew what was out there and i knew that like you're like there's stores that are not associated with farming exactly that are just clothes exactly um they probably have a really big farming fleet in chicago and who took you in when you my grandma and my grandpa uh-huh so we've lived with them for a couple months uh and started i studied junior high in uh right right outside of chicago when you met kids in junior high were you like

trauma dumping right away were you like hi i just moved here for my abusive dad in normal they if you ask my friends they might not even have any idea to this day i never told them and i always i was just always like i almost like alluded like in a flirty way that like i had like a cool dad you know and it's just like you guys haven't met him you should see my dad throws not with great accuracy but really right he's great at baseball. And you stay with grandma and grandpa. Were they good? Good house?

Were they good? Yeah, great house. Like my grandparents are awesome. I mean, that's what you should do as a grandma and grandpa, but still it's a good deed. It's a mitzvah to take in. Well, they hated it. They hated living with us. Of course, there's five children coming in.

We're like all monsters. I mean, that's wild. Yeah. We're monsters. with us of course there's five children coming in we're like all monsters i mean that's wild yeah we're monsters uh yeah and then we we end up like you know then i basically have my second part of my growing up uh right outside of chicago and this is right around puberty this is the whole this is a good yeah it's a great time for like everything to be you know hitting the fan and is that did you see your dad again after that you know it's really weird that we're having this conversation because i i cut him out

of my life and then a year ago i went to go see him and reunited with him in normal in outside like actually like in the country like in the place that we actually grew up outside of normal is like called armington and there's no store we lived outside of town it's it's nothing it's a cornfield 350 people and so i met with him uh and i so i i got to connect with him a little and like humanize him and like have a lot of empathy for the fact that like he grew up in a shitty situation and he was kind of just like doing that same thing you know when when he got older he was like basically doing what he could or what he knew and so um you know i got to humanize him. And then so funny because I'm just meeting you and it's 10 a.m.

But whatever. And then two days ago. So I go on. I went on a motorcycle dad. I went on a motorcycle ride with my dad, you know, like while I was out there and stuff. I made like a documentary about it. stuff uh i made like a documentary about it uh-huh and then uh and then two days ago i find out that he's been like this horrible motorcycle accident oh my god and he was no i mean it's a very actually it's extremely weird because it's like this person who i like grew up like i wouldn't say

despising but just being like that guy he's like out to lunch like he doesn't know how to raise his kids and like but then i had this moment with him and so he's he was like airlifted like they didn't know if he was going to make it and i think he's going to but it's like it's so it's so it's puts like his children in such a weird position too like because you should never like your kids should never be confused about like if something bad happens like how they should feel yeah you know and like my other siblings three of them have haven't seen him since they were kids so it's like a strain telling them a stranger has been in a motorcycle accident um but he's uh i think i think he's gonna pull through which is

awesome uh because i you know we had been texting for the last year but also it's not just about me i mean i just like like how old empathize with that 65 65 yeah it's it's just because you all said he's in bomb fuck nowhere so how long did it take for that helicopter to fucking airlift him yeah exactly there was helicopter i have no idea and i still don't know how we still don't know how it happened because it was at eight in the morning i think it was like pretty early but like my family's like you know there's a part of my family that's so white trash like they were just like so trashy that like you know there are funny moments in situations like this like you know my my stepmom immediately is like a conspiracy theorist and thought like you know well don't

give him that don't tell anybody which hospital he's at in case someone tries to go finish him off and like immediately thinks it's like some it's a hit you know you say your stepmom his but well yeah but they're divorced now um but yeah she thinks that it's like an inside job or something that you're who was out to get your dad exactly who's out to get this guy that like lives in like a trailer in the country by himself you know how is he was he doing did he have any money was he still living a same life i mean last i heard he was living in a trailer behind her house but i don't he might have moved into another place outside of uh i want to say it's like an hour from nashville um and is he in a coma right is he out right now he He's out of a coma. He's out of the coma. I think I'm

going to go there on Sunday. I'm going to fly to Nashville. And do you feel, you know, my, my father and I have a tough relationship, not quite this time, but you know, it's, it's, uh, he had a heart surgery last year and there is just, there is a kind of automatic, uh, pipeline to emotion when you see someone in a hospital bed right and you're just like i think for me i just go like someday i will be in a bed and death will be awaiting me and i just want love what else can you want in that moment right do you are you do you get very emotional seeing him like that i mean this is it's been so long yeah it's i've seen a photo of him my sister sent me a photo because she's

in contact with him my older sister and she went to the hospital and yeah it's like you know my dad was always a big strong guy for better for worse like my entire life and so to see him like that is super tough but i'm telling you the emotions are all over the place where it's like yes i'm sad yes i'm empathetic and then like you immediately relate it to your relationship with that person and i'm trying not to do that i'm trying to just like compartmentalize like that this person is like hurting um but it's yeah it's it's it's wild do you feel and i feel like the hardest thing about my dad getting older is like there's nothing left there's nothing left to do with my anger towards him because he's so weak right so there's nothing there's so i just have to kind of have that exist and there's nothing to

do with it and like there was a time when my dad was in his 50s where i could fucking yell we could yell and he's a yeller right i could like get some kind of cathartic moment of like fuck you right but now it would be it'd be like yelling at an old and my dad's my dad's older my dad's older. My dad's going to be 70 in January. So what do you do with those? You know, it's interesting when like there's like, I've heard a lot of people that have dads and it's like, you know, you grew up yelling and fighting with them and stuff. And then they're, I don't know,

someone was like, and then their testosterone levels go down or whatever. And it's like, yeah. And they become like a different person. And a lot of times they become like a shell of a human because I just think that they fought so much in their like, you know, 20s, 30s, 40s, that it's just like nothing affects them. And I like, I was not angry at my dad you know this even this whole time that he

hasn't been here i felt really bad for him and i mean i felt for him i felt worse for my mom but like i feel like oh my god that's like so horrible that you can now you have all these children doing these like great things and you can't even experience it because you can't even like step up to the plate. And that's like sad. Yeah. Yeah. Does your mom give a shit? She's, you know, she does give a shit, but she's her emotions are all over the place, too, because she's I think she's just trying to like.

because she's i think she's just trying to like figure out her emotions still because of course she's sad she was like obviously in love with him she keeps having kids with this guy that keeps leaving you know she was yeah you know she thought yeah she's i'm not sure how she feels about it yet um well i'm sorry about your dad oh my god that's it's so interesting i haven't even told i i have like friends who have been like texting and calling me that don't know like what's going on right now and i just can't even meet the energy of like you know uh i can't even tell them yet so it's well that's what podcasts are for you know you can send them a link to this episode and you go here's how i'm doing i give it a listen i i'm just imagining you like trying to cut this video into something funny i'm like you're gonna need a lot of sound effects

what about my dad got into a motorcycle accident put some fun font on there get some comic sans no that's the that's the that's that's that's what i wanted out of a podcast i think it's what we try to find yeah something in it think about something you're good at now think about how you got there chances are you had someone to help you get started if you're thinking about starting to invest quest trades award-winning support team is here to help you learn how to become a better investor. From placing your first trade to setting up customized stock alerts, we're always by your side. Just a few of the reasons why we are Canada's number one rated online broker by MoneySense.

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tuning in, this is The Downside, where we talk about the negatives and explore people's lives, but in an honest way. If you do like the show, check out we have live uh shows on amazon's new amp app 4 to 5 p.m est every tuesday or you can listen to those shows after the fact these shows commercial free and old bonus episodes on the patreon patreon.com slash downside that was a little promo yeah i love that um so okay so you're you're you're in this new high school you're starting high school in chicago it was junior high yeah junior high then i went to what did you have seven eight yeah we didn't i didn't go by that it was yeah it was middle school high school yeah totally i know my wife always gets very like weird about it when i say

junior high because i'll say like well you went to, though. She's like, we don't have junior high out here. Where's your wife from? Here. Oh, here. Yeah. Got it. And were you able to make friends with the city kids, the city slickers? Yeah. I mean, I made friends pretty quickly. I was like, you're doing sports. I did sports. I tried everything in growing up to really, I sports. I tried everything growing up. Basically, I tried everything but theater. Is that strange? Do you look back and go, why didn't I? I was so nervous.

Really? To me, yeah. It was a horrible stage fright. There was no way I was going to try that. Yeah. The fact that I'm a stand-up, I would never have imagined that. But what's funny is like i played basketball and i had stage fright on the court like i i get that and and so for me it's like that is

a stage in fact it's one where you cannot fake your ability right i i i did one where like i missed i was like the tall guy so like i got the ball a lot and I missed every shot one game. Every shot. And the coach said, he was this coach who was like, what the fuck was that? It was cool that he cursed at that age. And I was like, there were two girls in the rat things who were watching me. And he was like, well, you're never going to get those girls if you keep missing those shots. And I was like, oh, God, I hate like oh god i hate sports like you really got me were you calling halftime intermission at that time or i auditioned i got a call back for the team there were two

girls in the audience for the layups um no i was just dreadful i was just lazy i didn't like to be this relates to now me kind of being like, I was late to Barry's bootcamp. There is a very direct correlation between I was a lazy kid and like something about the moment I feel on my foot's off the gas, I go like on that again. Or like I resent that. I resent the position that lazy kid put me in kind of later in life.

Right. Is there such thing though as like a lazy, ambitious person? Because I feel that a lot. I think so. Right. I think sometimes people think of me as a workaholic and I'm like, I think I'm always like working. Right.

But within that work, I do it so much because I'm doing it halfway. And that's why I need all this time. Oh, got it. Yeah. I relate to that a lot. I feel like I do so many things. So it's like pushing everything up the hill, but there's like five things. Yes.

Where everybody's – I mean, do people tell you to pick a lane? Because I get it all the time. Pick a lane. But this is why I think I like writing stand up because I really write it out. And I like, I just bounce from chunk to chunk to chunk. And the moment I kind of get stuck here, I just move over here.

Right. And I think that's something about stand up fed into the way I really like to work. Where if I was working on like a novel, I just can't even imagine. Because I go, well, I have to, there's nowhere else to go but here if I was working like a novel, I just can't even imagine because I go, well, I have to. There's nowhere else to go but here.

I can't go to this fucking section. Right. Stand-up is good. I mean, it's like, I feel like it's like a good thing for workaholics

because you always, you never master, no one ever masters stand-up. You just always have to keep working at it. Yeah. I'm trying to master it as hard as I can. We had, so I did these shows ever master stand-up. You just always have to keep working at it. I'm trying. Just a few more years.

As hard as I can. We had, God, so I did these shows at Hollywood Improv and the first show. And when you headline and it's like a tough audience, and people told me the small room in the improv can be tough, but I'm always like, I never,

I've heard too many comics, they talk about the room and the audience and you're like shut the fuck up like watch this shut the fuck up no i'm just like talk about your joke i'm just like stop oh you mean on the stage just like after they're like oh that audience sucked and i'm like right there's a part where i'm like you can never do this never blame anyone but yourself it's always you and i had i had a tough show the first show lab? Yeah, it was just like, I got to some of these dark jokes and again, this is me blaming the, I go like LA with some of these dark jokes can be tough.

Yeah. Maybe right, maybe wrong, but I'll have a headlining set and if it's a real tough show, I get halfway through and I go, fuck, I don't know what to do. I don't know how to fill in the rest of this time. And then I go, I'm not a headliner.

I can't do it. spiral immediately yeah and and thank god the second show was was good adam sander popeye to feature but oh yeah i saw that there's a uh i think there's ghosts in the improv lab i've actually been here long enough that i've seen like three different stages there and it's always so at first it was set up and it looked more like you would do improv on that like we used to do sketch shows there really yeah and so and there was no bar and it was more like a black box theater and so it's always had that same energy it's always had like I mean we like Dana Carvey would pop in and like or like you know big comics and couldn't get the crowd I'm like this is like this place is spooky there's something wrong with this sure energy sure

i so in that case it is the room i think with the improv lab anytime someone says i when i went to chicago i did like zany's and i'm calling you know it's like texting and calling my friends i'm like it's fucking sucks i hate stand-up this show sucks and they're like yeah you're at zany's on a monday night in chicago like let's not forget we came up in chicago and that that crowd sucks oh my god i did zany's rosemont and i wasn't allowed to advertise i was there because i had another show in chicago in like a month or something yeah so it's billed as the secret headliner night oh my gosh and there were like eight people there and in my head i don't know what i thought but i was like i'm gonna crush with these eight people and i did not and i just oh the highs and lows uh my my girlfriend uh

she's she's she's in she's a manager. But Adam Sandler's wife was there while he was performing. And she was taking copious notes. And my girlfriend was like, fuck, what are you doing? You're setting this horrible bar for me that I got to go take some notes in the back. But it was very funny. It was very sweet to see it. And it's nice.

It's nice to have a comedy duo. I don't know if his wife is in comedy or just like she's an act they met because they're she's an actress and i think she's been in a couple of his like latest movies too sure yeah did you see his special that was on netflix 100 i think i watched like it in beat pieces but yes it was one of my favorite specials of like the last decade really yeah i thought it was so innovative and like uh there were moments of it he really tapped into like without it being like feeling like there was a story like it was a one-man show he like tapped into like vulnerability like i'm crying here i'm like laughing here i don't really care about this one and that's fine i think what he has which is like rare for people at that level of fame is like he doesn't come off as a shitload of ego he seems to really like and he was up there he was in basketball shorts and as he does but like i feel like he sandler core yeah yeah and

maybe it's you know if i'm sure it's partially an act but but there's a degree of like, you don't get that sense of him being like, I'm the greatest. I'm the goat for straight white guys who like to get high and watch Bill Nicky. Yeah. No, he's very, you know, I've played basketball with him a couple of times out here. basketball with him a couple of times out here and you could tell like you know like i could probably tell that you're a great guy just the way that you play basketball even if it is like missing every shot i'd be like you probably have a really good personality really yeah like you could and there are a lot of comedians who play basketball out here no it makes some people fly off you know and you go are you okay in there?

You know, but Adam Sandler, he's very, he's very giving on the court and he's a great passer and he'll pass before he shoots. Like he's just like a good teammate. And so that's how I judge him. Like watch him, like have all these bodies under his fingers. Like I thought he was a great person because the way he played basketball, but he, uh, no, he's But he's great. He's got like streetball finesse. When we're off the mic, I want to hear what comedians say.

What the fuck? And you're like, dude, you don't have to be good at this. I love doing other things that I don't have to feel like, oh, I need to be good. Right. Because I feel that with certain things very strongly. So if I'm going to play basketball, I'm going to have fun. What about Barry's boot camp? Are you feeling like, is there like a system where, you know, you're like the highest number?

I don't need to compete with the class per se. I like, I like the competition. Like if I'm doing like a Peloton, I like seeing the people's names and I just like to go like, oh, I want to like stay above this person. Just motivation. But I think, Barry, it's just about like, you know, when you're on the treadmill, they'll say, all right, we're going to – let's do a run from seven, eight, or nine. And I know if I'm like really going at it if I'm at nine, if I'm at the top of that range every time. So it's an internal battle. And it's more just like playing games with how bored I am.

Right. battle and it's more just like playing games with how bored i am right and like if you like i i've been on a really weird i don't know what it is but like i was a big dragon ball z kid and i'm not into any like i see the new stuff and it feels like they've they've ruined everything but like i'm still like i still watch it and it taps into some weird nostalgia thing so like i'm running and i there's a mirror right there and it's just like I'm trying to like interest myself and I think of myself like going super insane. Right. In my mind. And I'm like, so that's what I do for Barry's Boot Camp.

Okay. But for basketball, I think I would have a fun time. I think I'd be a terrible teammate. I think it's – I tried once in basketball. I sprained my ankle comically fast. Ten seconds into the game, I was out. You can't be like, basketball is just not one of those sports where you can just be like, I'll try it out like with like a five on five.

You know, it's just like, first of all, everyone's going to be mad immediately. And no one's going to pick you on their team. But then also you might get injured immediately, which is the worst. I don't know what i don't know what changed in me because when i was in middle school i was just bad at sports and no one could get me out of that funk i was late i just soccer with i was defense if the ball's on this side of the field i would lay down on the field and i almost got like a C or almost failed out of soccer. And I don't know what it – because I look back at athletics. Like I went to birthright before I knew Israel had any problems,

and there was like a sports day. And this was like after I had started working out. And I was really excited to like finally be able to be a part of this and like be like race with someone. And I don't know why i couldn't tap into that as a kid right and i was envious of the people i mean sports is such a great way to make friends it is and and i just i couldn't do it you sound like you my brother was i mean maybe you guys are the same age but it feel i mean he was also into everything laying on

the soccer field uh dragon ball z you know like all of that and and super introverted and he also just started to like kind of work out because he was never into he played badminton on the girls badminton team in high school you know was there only girls yeah yeah so like he couldn't compete but he was like on the team, but he just couldn't compete when the games would come up or matches or whatever. And so he just started working out and he's starting to get like kind of buff. But for him, it's like, I think a lot of people do find this like new, like, oh my gosh, this is like something that I completely missed out on.

Like, let me try this now that like, I feel that same way about learning because i hated school growing up uh-huh and i'm like oh man i really wish that like i tapped into that earlier but then at the same time i probably want to be a comedian sure we all maybe go back we all want to go back. Right. Redo everything. So, okay. You're doing sports. When did you come out as gay? Oh, 20, 24, something like that. Yeah.

It was like I started comedy first and then got into gay. What is like, because I know, because i do a lot of theater right so i feel like anyone who comes out after college at least at least in my in my understanding of just knowing it and more with men i've known more men right over the years it feels like where do you think if we were to look at the graph of when people come out in life, is it college? Is that the top? Is 24 late? Yeah. Yeah. But maybe not, maybe it's different for, like my brother came out at 17. And I think for like guys, maybe it is like a bit different. I feel like, or I just always wonder, I also wonder if as hopefully we move as a progressive society whether it becomes earlier and earlier college is probably college is probably the right time anyway like for me i

i didn't know like i probably i would have come out if i knew but i had like boyfriend i was like really really busy lifting weights with my boyfriends you know i was playing basketball this i met my college boyfriend oh that's so funny that's so funny listen it's just funny when you look back when you look back and you go oh yeah obviously right i love i love watching early ellen degeneres stand-up tapes where she's in the baggiest suit you've ever seen in the world. And she's talking about how much she hates dating. And you're like, yeah, Ellen.

Yeah. I guess that. You're almost there. Right. When you, is that what it felt like when you look back at all your boyfriends?

You know, all of them did that thing where they said, are you sure you're not a lesbian and i was like yeah i'm not a lesbian you know so they were like shut up or you're like no shut up get that dick out yeah yeah yeah yeah come here yeah no it was like uh i was i wasn't sensitive about it i just thought like i didn't even let that seep in, you know,

I was just like, no, here's another person telling me I'm a lesbian. No, you know, it's probably with you. Yeah, exactly.

No, no, but there were many signs. Yeah. Hold on. Yeah. You know, there were signs,

but, uh, when I started comedy, it like tapped into, like I said, I had horrible stage fright. So it tapped into this like insane vulnerability where I was just like broken open. And then that's like someone flirted with me basically. And I thought about it for a second. I go, wait, oh, maybe that is maybe I should follow that feeling. maybe I should follow that feeling. And so when I came out, I was already doing stand-up and talking about my boyfriend and my set the whole time. And it was really hard for me to transition from being someone who's talking about my boyfriend and my set

to there were years of not talking about dating at all. Yeah. Because I just could not make that like i'm gay on stage so i just didn't talk i mean it's funny because because everyone who does comedy knows how long it can take to really fine-tune a joke and it is funny we're like you're like oh yeah i know i'm out i'm out i'm gay but i just i'm still talking good jokes are still about this boyfriend right fucking dudes yeah like that's there there can be a real delay exactly in that kind of stuff and and as you know the scene knew me as straight and so like the comedy scene to me was like harder to come out

to than my family you know and so, because there is something to like being a lesbian in standup, you're like, here comes another one, you know? And it feels like it doesn't feel special. And it's another, especially back then you're putting a show together. You have one girl on the show and you can't have two gay people on a show back then so so i'm putting myself in like i'm getting less and less shows the more that i'm coming out as being myself because it's like okay maybe we'll have two girls but we're not going to have two lesbians on the show you know and so you're just like oh geez i'm never i just have to produce my own show sure that's i i just remember when i booked a weekly show and i try to think like honestly

about like what what were the i think my only policy was just because it was me and another straight white guy were producing it was just like only one more straight white and that was the only that was probably the only driving policy right beyond that was just like we did it yeah we did it yeah it's it yeah it was i mean there used to be no no one had any qualms about like just having you know eight straight white men on the show and yeah and to be honest like that time in chicago that like that was most of the uh most of the scene was straight white guys sure and to be fair if you look touring, there is a thing where like, you know, uh,

white guys might complain in, in like a New York scene and be like, you know, they're, they're not getting booked as much or they, they, they feel that way. And I'm like, well then go on the road and look at the national touring scene.

Cause I promise you the tour, most of these clubs are still very fine with having 10 weekends in a row of straight white guys. So it's like people that complain about a local scene, you're like, oh, there's still a place for you. Yeah. And it hurts to say this, but anytime I'm upset that I didn't get something, I'm like, well, sometimes it is because you're just not good enough yet.

Sure. And it's like maybe you weren't out for the job, but also like, you know, they're not going to like pass you by if you're the greatest stand up. Sure. Yes. Yes. If you're the best, it will be recognized. Yeah. You're just not there yet.

And and then once you do, do you remember like the moment? Did you have that? Like, so I recently realized I was gay? Yeah, I remember like, I think it came in, oh, I had this joke that was like, I really tiptoed into it. I had this joke that was like, I'm single, ladies and gentlemen, and in that order. And like, so I would do that at the beginning so you started as like I'm bi in the set yeah exactly and then it would go to like after that joke just be like uh I that's an old joke but my girlfriend uh loves that joke because it makes her appear to be single or something like that like you know so then i was like admitting i had a girlfriend and for a long time it was like you know actually

using like they them pronouns with my jokes so i'd be like i was holding their hand because i didn't want to say that like the joke was actually written about my boyfriend but i didn't want people to know i was gay sure yeah so it was like a lot of a lot of that and then people would be like you know i just think i thought i was like you know i thought nobody could tell a whole hour where every time you talk about your partner it's they there yeah and i mean i guess these days people would would just assume that that was their pronouns but there would be a time where they'd be like oh who are you dating yeah and you're just like yeah i need this act to work all over the country right i'm a touring comedian you know what's great you know what's great about stand-up is they love when they can't figure you out at all you know we had uh do you know ashley gavin

uh i've i've actually heard of her because when i'm on the road, like we're on the road at the same time at a lot of clubs. Sure. She has a podcast. We're having gay sex, I believe is what it's called. But she talks about when she would do cruise ships for the family shows. They told her, you can't be gay on these shows. And so essentially she would do that with her. Yeah. Oh, my God god it's so wild she got i'm sure she's on the olivia cruise lines now gotta get to the lesbian cruises is that

what that's what's called the olivia yeah have you done them no god no i've never gone on a cruise really i feel like i feel like i feel like a a gay cruise No, I'm not going on the boat. Oh, on the boat? Yeah, I'm like, I'm not going. I'm not dying on a lesbian cruise. You're scared of dying on a lesbian cruise? Yeah. I could never go on a cruise.

Really? They're safer than planes. I never feel scared on a cruise. Right. Everything about it makes... I've just watched too many of those documentaries, like inside of of this what it's really like to be on a cruise ship. And I'm like, oh, my God, people are dying. And they're just like in a room downstairs.

I heard a comedian talk about just the. People who the number of people who fall overboard and they're drunk usually. But like what happens, like the idea of like, could you save them? And it's like, no, they got sucked into the engine that's down there. That's moving this gigantic thing. Right. It's a deadly engine. Yeah.

And it sucked them in. And they're like, Disney cruises. Come aboard, all aboard. Well, before we go to our last part, I do to you have you have this kid now yeah how old's your kid three she just turned three and uh you carried the kid yeah and forgive my my ignorance was it a sperm donor yeah it's a sperm donor our really good friend actually really yeah so we have a great situation for us he He's in, you know, he's a friend.

He's at our house all the time. He's a great guy. He lives here in LA. Went to college with my wife. How did you, so you asked him together? Sam asked him, which was cool.

Was, was it an automatic, like, sure. Did you talk about, what did you talk? I mean, since you're friends you must have talked about well what's his role so he was very responsible about it sam asked him and he was going through um a breakup and good time to ask i know it was like lost he needs something such bad timing but it was so sweet because he said like you know later it said like

you know i was in this position where i felt like unwanted and then somebody was like coming here and being like no we actually want more of you in the world like we love you it is very it is very flattering i never really thought of it that it is flattering. And someone's like, you're something about you. Yeah. And I, my thinking, like we looked at sperm banks and stuff, but like, I wanted to know that like, they can look me in the eye and talk to me. And you can't get that off of like the stat list. And I just wanted to like, you just want someone to be like a good person.

stat list and i just wanted to like you just want someone to be like a good person and you know at first i thought when i get in there i'm gonna get somebody who's like above six five i'm gonna get like i'm gonna get myself a little point guard at least you know and you're looking at these stats and you're like oh these are all important and my wife's like oh and this one went to ivy league or whatever and then truly you just go don't you just want to know that this person is like uh a good person like that's it sure i think the cynic in me goes like it doesn't matter if they're good or not the this is a lottery right this is a lottery and you could you could have hitler's sperm and it could be the nicest person ever like you just don't yeah and you wonder what is environment and what is genetic and you know it just so happens he also is like extremely hot so like that's uh-huh that that is sure you know that's really important to me um no it's like he's

he's a great guy we have a great situation what what was the discussion because i think in my mind like there's part of me that's like oh if a friend of mine wanted to do this it seems very cool it seems very beautiful right then there's another part of me that goes what is my role in this kid's life is this kid going to resent me in any way is this kid going to one day be like, expect some kind of parental thing from me? Like I'm entering something big. You also don't know how you're going to feel. Like if, what if, you know, what if you see that baby and you're so attached and it's like you want more from the relationship that you thought, you know, more than you thought. And then he's around and then your kid calls him dad right what's going on yeah three person there's a lot of like uh yeah there's a

lot of questions but then it's weird because like when you're in it and then you're having the baby and stuff you don't like you think about all those questions before and then you're in it and there's no time for that sort of thing and you just know like okay this this child is so loved and and the situation we have is perfect for us yeah and and so all of that all of those worries kind of like went out the window we trust me like my wife and i talked about it a lot you know i think i mean i don't know if you felt this way given your family situation, but because I had witnessed so much divorce, I feel like if I ever had a kid,

I would be kind of obsessed with, like, the contingency plans because I feel like breakups, divorces, friendships ending, whatever, with this situation, that's a whole new element. Right. That like you really, you have to trust the person's character because breakups can bring out the worst in people by definition. Like do you trust, do you trust this friend if you guys, I mean, it's so hard.

I know. Was he there for the delivery? He came afterwards. Yeah. I didn't let anybody in the, and this was like pre COVID, but I didn't let anybody in there anyway. So it was like,

you know, enough people had looked at my vagina at that point, like leading up to the birth that I was like, get the fuck out of here. You're not going to watch me take a shit before I have a baby. Cause that's what happens. And, uh,

you said no matter what, like, yeah, it's like always happening. Yeah. They don't even tell you the doctor the only reason i know is because i my wife was i was like don't look down there and of course she like looked and i was like did i just poop and she said yeah oh my god

but that was the thing from the side you rarely see yeah i know and she was like it happened so fast and the doctor just like they know what to. They just go like this because he's telling me push like you're going poop. And so there's, that was the thing I was worried about leading up. You're not going to fool me, doctor. I know what you're talking about. Yeah. I'm going to push like I'm going pee. And I was so worried about that. I thought, oh my God, how am I like, what if I poop the whole time? I'm not like, what if I die during childbirth? I'm like, what if I poop? whole time i'm not like what if i die during childbirth i'm like what if i poop what if i poop and then yeah so now when i'm on stage i tell everybody listen you poop like just fuck just get over it i feel like no one's i feel like no one's explored

that you know knocked up had like a pretty funny birthing scene and they had a shot of the baby coming out but no one's ever done just like just poop yeah everywhere yeah i know it'll be intense it's just a lot it's like it what it does your body like i'm so happy i don't have it on film because i would like it it is so gnarly yeah you know and in terms of i i'm just so fascinated by this friend yeah sperm donor howperm donor. How, how involved does, I mean, I feel like you need a thing that they'd have to have is someone who can understand natural boundaries.

They have to have an understanding of it. Right. And you know, he doesn't want kids. And so that helps. I think it would be tough if then you're in a relationship later and like, Oh, let's have our own children.

And like, that's always like a big conversation piece for this. I'm sure there's, is he straight or gay? He's gay. Okay. Yeah. I just, I mean, not, that could still be a thing. Right. But I can certainly imagine.

Right. Many women I would date who would, including my current girlfriend, who would not be cool. Right. That I had a kid with someone else however that happened right having a kid is you know it's a risk and uh having a kid with a donor you have all these added elements but like i have never known a kid that has like as much love as she has like with his parents also love her and it's just like i so i know she's fine you know but yeah what i like is like she she won't have the she won't have to go searching

for the information and that was important to us there's this comedian named laura high who's a sperm donor and she talks about i think there's a real challenge of science information about sperm donors or, or, or, you know, there's, there's just the question of if they want to be anonymous, is that fair? I don't know. I don't know. It's, it's very complex, nuanced stuff that in a country that can't even agree on basic medical care to figure out feels. Right. It only now started to be covered by like you know the wga and stuff with like fertility uh fertility medicare or whatever it's called it's like it only started to be covered i think like after i had the baby but uh

did he go somewhere on his own come in a cup and they it was the same place that we were getting uh you know checkups and stuff but yeah he went in the same day as it's not the same day then they put it on ice they put it on yeah and then because then you have to like wait for like you know when you're ovulating and like you have to go in a few times it's like a huge yeah it's like a huge process because we didn't do the turkey baster thing you know that's an option too yeah you can like just do it at home and you just do it real quick yeah or like people have done it real quick uh you know like sabrina jalees talks about like putting uh the sperm under her armpit to keep it warm and then she and then they got pregnant on the first try but you could also put it on ice. Do they ever go like, oh, you guys are friends.

You know it would be easy. Yeah. We always joke around that we're going to do it the natural way. Just imagining how horrible that would be for everybody involved. And then having to explain, this is how you were made, honey. There's something beautiful. I guess two gay people. Two gay people.

Just doing it for the baby. It was really hard for him to get it up. And then finally he did. And that's how you were born, sweetheart. All right. Well, let's go on to our next segment. This has got to stop. We have music at home.

I never bring the cues with me. Oh, yeah. But that's how it goes. This has got to stop. Do you have something that's got to stop? Something. Something. Anything in the world that's bothering you, bugging you, that needs to go away.

It could be wedding registries. It could be a phrase people use, airplane things, anything. I don't like when this is only done by guys that work at coffee shops. But like if I go up there, it's like a way to flirt. But if I go up there, I'm like, can I get like a ice oat milk latte?

No, no. And I'm like, well, and it makes you stop for a second. I hate that joke. Yeah. And I never give it to them.

I go, what? And then they're like, just kidding. And I just go, how much is it? You know, I never give it to them

i hate it i know it's it's bad humor it's it's a form of uh i think whenever something's a real bad joke it usually traces back to not and that's what it is it's a total even even with stand-up comics sometimes i want to tell them like that joke you're telling the crux of the joke is you say something then you go no right and that's a lie not a joke right um yes I totally I'm trying to think of other things I guess you're right I feel like I've had men do it to me too and maybe it's flirty I've never had a woman do it to me yeah yet but i will feel like the world is truly equal when a woman makes that bad joke to my face i think i do get uh sometimes i'll get if i ask for like a red eye they go whoa you're you're uh you're real sleepy or something i'm like none of your fucking business yeah how i'm feeling i'm at the coffee shop everyone here is sleepy i just there's something about that the hackiness it's the just like the the

lack of creativity for me yeah so you hear that barista's you've had it too fucking good for too long go home write some jokes and maybe you'll get some better tips from me and Mo. Let's go on to our final segment. You better count your blessing. We have a much better sound cue here that, again, I don't have. But we're going to say one thing we're thankful for. Do you have something? If you have something, go ahead. Sure.

I did this show, Love It or Leave It, at Dynasty Typewriter. And I guess it is a pretty popular show because it's one of those, as you know, you've been on TV. There's certain things that you do that people from your past reach out and you go, oh, this is a level where- That's a very popular show. Other people, yeah. out and you go oh this is a level that's a very popular show other people yeah and um a guy named eric lind who went to my high school uh reached out and uh he was like oh my god you're loving to leave it we did like we did a little shop of horrors together and he was the plant and uh it's it's uh i think one nice thing about doing this kind of work where your job

is essentially to be seen is that, and maybe it's not healthy, but you get to have these kind of brief connections with your past. And the reason it might not be healthy because the connection is an old person being like, hey, you're amazing.

And you're like, great. Everyone from my past now knows that i'm great and it's all cool and i don't think that's healthy but it is cool he came to the taping and it's like i'd get to see this like guy from high school who i would have never probably seen in any of those right one day i would have been like do you talk to eric and they're like eric died 20 years ago but he's alive and he's well right and he's listening to me he's watching this podcast yeah um i think you're right it does uh it keeps a conversation alive with people that you you might not and i think that is a good that is a very positive thing yeah do do you after you did like conan

people reached out yeah Yeah. It was. Complimentary? Were they weird? Well, I had this, my high school boyfriend reached out and he was like, he sent me this email and he's like, oh my God, I'm so proud of you for doing Conan. That's so great. I told my mom and she said she never thought you were funny. Ha ha. And then I just emailed back.

Well, you could tell her I never thought she was funny. And that's all I emailed back. Good you yeah good for you i have a bad tendency of going thanks for sharing that with me good for you i hope he told her mom and i hope her mom cried and i wish she had been like yeah i'm like what a negative thing to bring into a congratulatory like uh email thank you when when you're do your old boyfriends do they ever would you see them and now that you've come out do they ever go do the ones who said are you a lesbian do they go like i knew it they called it you know to my credit they were heartbroken. Really? No, I had this guy didn't talk to me. My college boyfriend didn't talk to me for forever. And recently, a couple months ago, had text or like found me on Instagram and was very sweet and was like, I'm really proud of you.

Because I started comedy when we were dating. And he said, I'm really proud of you and all that you've done. I hope you're doing well. And, and I just thought that's extremely sweet. That's the way to do it. But my mom said, you'll never get pussy. My mom said she knew you were a dyke the whole time. I, I just remember I dated, dated. I wish i could have dated but it was she was bi and i remember when she wasn't into me i she was like bi but like generally dated women and i was comforted by the fact in a moment i was like i think i did a thing toxic sure i said she's you know she's she's a lesbian right and then she like got married to a man and i was like

no yeah no god must be you don't like me because you're definitely a lesbian i'm sure i'm sure that's an emotional thing people who dates people who are bi that get left they go like oh well she's not into my that's what it is yeah there's also something to like when i was in my 20s you know i hated telling guys that would like gross guys that would hit on you like at a bar like i hated telling them that i was gay because i wanted to be like no the reason i'm actually denying you you know i didn't want to give them that like oh that's why you're not into me i wanted to be like no it's actually just because of your general aura like you know your your personality you could say you know what now i'm gay. You could say, you know what? Now I'm gay. Yeah. I wasn't. Yeah.

I met you now. I'm gay. Now I'm realizing all these signs. Yeah. It's yeah. They, uh, that was fun in my twenties. Do you have a blessing? Oh my God. Blessing. Uh, I almost said oat milk and I just can't be that LA yet. That is really LA. It is. Um, let me, I mean, I,

I guess since everything that we've talked about, I'm, I, it's a blessing. I, I think, uh, motorcycle helmets are a blessing.

And he was wearing a helmet. He was wearing a helmet. Yeah. Yeah. So I, yeah. Motorcycles, like everyone always says, don't drive a motorcycle. They're so dangerous.

People get into accidents. It's like, it's just one of those things where you go, yeah, you're on a motorcycle. But motorcycle helmets. When you rode the motorcycle with your dad, were you riding it with him? Yeah, I was on the back. I mean, that's such, it it's so like i i get like someone riding a motorcycle and like riding on back it's so sex it's so i mean oh it was sexy but there is something so like you are i i flew in a plane a private plane as a comedy club owner had a little

plane and i just thought in that moment like you're my life is in your hands i'm i wouldn't say like i'm in love with you now but like there is now a position where you are my leader right because and there's something about that you're right it's scary and sexy it's the riskiness of like yeah i'm flying private but this might be my last you know yeah of course for for helmets and comedy club owners and comedy club owners yes um and this episode is coming out october 4th is there anything you'd like to plug i think so yes uh in chicago i'm going to be at the lincoln lodge taping my album uh october 8th and october 24th in la i'm actually going to be filming the standup portion to the documentary that I made

about meeting my dad. So if you want to hear more about my relationship with my dad, come on out to that. That's at the lodge room, but you can just check out my, my website or my socials. Has your dad seen it? No. Do you want him to see it? Or you think it's, he's going to be like, this makes me feel. Yeah. I don't know. We'll see how it turns out think it's he's going to be like this makes me feel yeah i don't know we'll see how it turns out there's like a bit of an epilogue happening right now i'm trying not to think about it but there's the story's not over yeah it's tough yeah it's we have these connections when you're an artist i don't know if you feel that way where you're like am i invested in this for the final product or for the emotions i'm feeling when you're

it's just like it's just a lot and i would argue the product is connected to the like what is yeah you're like what am i following this or am i creating am i the leader am i the follower it's like especially with documentaries you just have because i hate talking heads and like all of that i try to make it like as real as possible. But, you know. If I was your stepmom, I would think the conspiracy is you were just trying to find a finish to your piece. Yeah. So it could be me.

Yeah. Oh, my God. For me, I'm headlining Uncle Vinny's Comedy Club, October 7th, October 8th. I'll be headlining Philly Punchline, October 16th. 7th, October 8th. I'll be headlining Philly Punchline October 16th. And then Canada, I'll be in Edmonton October 20th through

23rd. Seven shows. Jesus fucking Christ. In the mall? I think so. Yeah. You've been there? I've heard of it. I gotta get my global entry pass. I cannot wait in this customs line. I submitted. I think I fucked up. They asked for my employment in the last 10 years and i'm like i don't know what to tell you

don't let anyone i don't know what to tell you yeah you'll be okay um and and for those of you uh listening uh whether you have a a good relationship with your dad or a bad relationship with your dad uh one day you'll have no relationship with your dad because he'll be dead this is the downside