The Downside with Gianmarco Soresi - #106 Gnashing of Teeth with Zach Zimmerman

Episode Date: October 18, 2022

Zach Zimmerman shares the downsides of having a father who heard god, hole pics, losing your faith after losing a friend in the Virginia Tech shooting, the great crowd work debate, coming out to your parents as a gay atheist vegan, and the right way to tell an audience member to shut the f### up. You can watch full video of this episode HERE! Join the Patreon for ad-free episodes, exclusive content, and MORE. Listen to our live weekly show on AMP, every Tuesday at 4 PM ET. Follow Zach Zimmerman on Twitter & Instagram Pre-order Zach's book, Is It Hot in Here (Or Am I Suffering for All Eternity for the Sins I Committed on Earth)? here Follow Gianmarco Soresi on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, & YouTube Subscribe to Gianmarco Soresi's email & texting lists Check out Gianmarco Soresi's bi-monthly show in NYC Get tickets to see Gianmarco Soresi in a city near you Watch Gianmarco Soresi's special "Shelf Life" on Amazon Follow Russell Daniels on Twitter & Instagram E-mail the show at [e-mail] Produced by Paige Asachika & Gianmarco Soresi Video edited by Spencer Sileo Special Thanks Tovah Silbermann Part of the Authentic Podcast Network Original music by Douglas Goodhart Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

People are so hard on Lena Dunham. I gotta say, I'm not a Lena Dunham fan, but sometimes I'm like, guys, would you relax? She just... I don't know why... It's also like the Wall Street Journal did an article where it was like, Lena Dunham just wants to be left alone

and interview with Lena Dunham for the... And it was just like, oh, it's those kinds of things where you're like, it feels like you're asking for a little bit of hate. I know. It's tough. Oh, sorry. You did text me.

We're not going to have Chris D'Elia on the pod. I don't care. Okay. So welcome to the downside. My name is. I always know. I can see it in your eyes. Damn it, you know.

It's an acting tell. I can tell. It's horrible. I want you to really sell it someday where I don't know what's going to come. We also did it right at the beginning. God damn it. It's him and my girlfriend. She'll say, you're doing bid eyes.

And that's what she means. This is in the bedroom? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sometimes, sometimes. Oh, should I cut my phone off? Jared from Subway is calling from prison. He wants to just see how I'm doing. We tried to get him on.

Can you tell him what's going on? We've emailed him twice. He gets a call a week. Is he still in prison? I think so. Oh, yeah. He has to be. All the time.

Yeah, most of the time. I don't think you get to come. Most of the rest of his time. He's part-time prison. I cannot wait till we have a producer. I could be like, hey, when does Jerry get out of prison? And then they come back. 14 years.

Oh, so I did want to, well, we're very excited. We'll get to you in a second. Hi, I'm Zach Zimmerman. Follow me at ZZZZZ across all platforms. We have Zach Zimmerman. I did want to say my producer noted something very interesting. She texted, she emailed you to confirm this podcast. And you said, confirmed, can't wait.

And pretty shortly after that, you tweeted, can't wait equals I don't want to do this. This is the downside. You're listening to The Downside. The Downside. With John Marcos-Serezes. How many minutes between the email and the tweet? Let's see, because Paige caught it. Paige texted it to me. I tried to add.

8.43 a.m. The tweet was 11.42 a.m. Okay. But Zach's a slow writer. He could have said yes to a lot of things in that three-hour period. There's more. I try to add a day delay to most things. If I, like, hook up with someone and then I'm going to make a joke about it, I, like, add a little lag.

I do that for shows. Like whenever I like somebody's going on a show that I really don't like, I'll like write a tweet and I just do it a week later. Sometimes I even put it in my calendar. Like that way they don't know. Yeah. That's clearly about like a week from now. I'll be like a rough podcast recording today. I think it's the commute.

I think anything that requires me to leave my home. I don't want to do. The day of. Sure. A week ago, I'm excited. Then when it becomes a real plan, you have to arrive at a place in time and space. I hate it. Well, thanks for being here nonetheless. Thank you for getting your

shit together. Are you recording? I know. I walked in the rain for this. I went away for two and a half weeks. I came back. We skipped fall. It's fucking freezing. It's freezing. It's cold. I had a tank top on too. I walked in the rain for this. I went away for two and a half weeks. I came back. We skipped fall. It's fucking freezing. It's freezing. It's cold. I had a tank top on too. I bought all these new tank tops. They were on sale. I was in

Cleveland and then I got back here and I was like, oh, that's why they were on sale because I will not be wearing them for six months. I was wearing a tank top. I was going to wear it for the pod, but then I was teaching these high schoolers from New Jersey. Why? Science? It was like a stand-up comedy club at their high school. And they paid $100.

And they wanted a little seminar over Zoom. For how long? It was just 30 minutes. Did you have to listen to their jokes? No, I just talked to them. I hopefully talked to some of them about stand-up comedy. Not listening. What was your one insight?

Your one big one. Just that no one likes crowd work. Really? No, I'm just joking. That's a joke. That's caused some trouble in my friendship. With who? Not trouble.

I feel like a close friend tweeted against crowd work. And I love crowd work. And I think it's important and valuable now without worrying about either one of our feelings tell me your true russell take on crowd work in general i think the best kind of crowd work is worked in around great sets where it doesn't rely the set doesn't rely on the crowd work but it is worked in naturally a few times a set. I feel like I, my, my thing is I,

the only time I don't like it is if I feel like, like we're waiting for you to keep, to start at some point. Like if we're watching it and I'm like, no, but start now. Like, like,

like it feels like it, sometimes it feels like it starts with the crowd work and they're, they're fishing to get a big thing out of it. And the, the fishing experiment is taking too long. It's not, the payoff's not happening yet. And they're, they're fishing to get a big thing out of it and the fishing experiment is taking too long. The payoff's not happening yet. That's fair. And they're scared to bail on crowd work

because they started it. And I'm like, we need to start the show at some point. So I'm fine with it sprinkled in and used, for sure. I just don't like it when it feels like it's preventing us from getting to the material. Now let me, because I material. I want to give because our audiences love when we just dive deep, deep

into stand-up comedy. Obviously, there's a problem with crowd work right now only because algorithms, all the social media stuff is incentivizing comedians to do crowd work because you can only have so much really fine-tuned material. With crowd work, can come up with unique experiences and it's created and you know social media is paying some people yeah uh so comedians sometimes it feels like there's not

only an overabundance of crowd work but sometimes it feels like i think the the crowd work and getting the clip is the primary and the live show has become secondary. Oh, I feel that. And we've just been inundated with a lot of, on social media at least, every comic is doing crowdwork to them, and some releasing some that feels like you were like, what's your name? What'd you say, Kyle? And they're like, no, Kenan, and that's the clip. And it's like, comedian destroys guy's name.

Oh, yeah, yeah. I love that clip though. And then the last thing I'll say, because I do crowd work, more of my headlining sets. My only complaint about it, and you can challenge me, is that I think sometimes when it's a regular showcase show, that A of all, I think the host can do a lot of crowd work. And then when I was a host, I always would do the crowd work. And then at the end of it, I would always get back to jokes because I wanted to take the hit. No, I didn't want to.

I thought it was my responsibility to take the hit to be like, okay, guys, we're going to have jokes tonight. So get ready for that. Because sometimes an audience, if a host just does crowd work and i feel this way sometimes if someone in a showcase just does crowd work then a comic goes up to do a more traditional set yeah and they look like they're corny as fuck it's the same way i've done a showcase show where you know the comedian before me left the stage and tickled the audience and was blah, blah, blah and all sorts of things.

And then I go up there and I'm on the stage like a fucking loser. And it's like, again, that comic killed and some people loved it. Some people were like, what the fuck's going on? But for the other comic on the stage, it's like, oh, I feel like the structure has been destroyed in a way where I'm coming off as corny.

And you can win them back. And it's not your responsibility to make the show good for everyone else. You're all getting paid the same amount. But it made the audience think that it was at something else. The same way that I think if I started singing a song or playing piano and had the audience sing along karaoke style that i've changed the chemistry of what the show is that might make it difficult to get back to stand-up comedy that's kind that's my thoughts i think you're talented enough to be able to pivot or to come up and not go into a hard joke instantly sure but i think that's why i think that's one of the reasons people who feel strongly feel strongly.

Oh, thank you for doing the show for other people. But now you've, it feels like you've fallen in love more recently with crowd work. I've always, well, I have an improv background from like Chicago and stuff. And I feel most in my flow state when I am like reacting honestly and earnestly in the moment. I'd rarely go on stage like I'm going to do crowd work in a set other than I've done a show it's an hour of crowd work but I when something catches my ear it might be more interesting than my material when an audience member's like coming out to their friend or someone has a big reaction to something like I I like chasing that and it's shiny and interesting to me for a short while I think it's funny that you said an audience member coming out to their friend as if that's like a

kind of common occurrence like oh it was a specific one yeah yeah yeah yeah and i'm like another comic might have been like shut up you're dumb and then gone on to like yeah and then i went to the store like but i'm i feel nice that i'm able sometimes i think it's like oh do i like doubt myself or not think my story or what i have to say is interesting enough that i draw on to other people what do you have to say but i do just like genuinely like talking to people or i think you can always tell i think i like the the the when it's done in person and also the clips i feel like the clips like i've seen that clip it's a really funny clip it's like definitely you should you know i i feel like i know what you're saying

too though where you're like i don like i know what you're saying too though where you're like i don't know if this was an interesting thing to share that i've seen people share yeah certain instances i've seen i once did a show i remember it was interesting because i was like it was early i was featuring which i never would do it again and uh the headliner was crushing and he was doing like it was it was a it was a country club and it was a stuffy country club. But he was like taking people's shoes, using them as phones, real high level stuff. And I remember he was killing, killing way harder than I was. But I remember when I was leaving, like there were these two audience members.

Some guy was like, God, I wish he just fucking would tell some jokes. And I do think there's sometimes with crowd work, some crowd work where it can be killing. But the people, there's some people in the audience that did want some jokes who are kind of annoyed. I think, not maybe annoyed, I think for me, I'm a paranoid person. I'm nervous it's going to switch to making fun of me. And you might come when you're in the audience. You might come out and go, I didn't want to come out and marry. Maybe that's what all those comics back at LOL,

they'd always be like, you too gay? They were just trying to have a beautiful moment, actually. No, I remember when I was really young, though. I was in high school and I went to a comedy show in my local area in Binghamton, New York. And the comic was a fat guy. And he's like, fat boy knows what I'm talking about. And he kept calling me fat boy.

And it was one of those things where I was like, you're in high school, so you're not exactly ready to have that sort of like attention for being fat. And it was just like ever since then, it's like that kind of thing in my head of like I get nervous when crowd work starts happening. I'm like, what's going to, you know, like because sometimes, you know, it's like, let's that video would be inspiring, though. High schooler accepts that he's fat.

Bravely comes out but he was saying things that didn't even like didn't even matter to fat people he'd just be like fat boy like literally it was just like him being like him talking about like his adult as like a 45 year old man i was like 16 he's like fat boy i'm talking about i'm like my wife's a bitch fat boy knows what i'm talking about. I mean, that's kind of funny. There is a problematic history of crowd work, I think, that is more roasty and lowest common denominator. I say bitch a lot. Yeah. And that comes from LOL. I do a lot of like, bitch.

To an audience member? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Bitch. How do you say it? Oh, you say it like that. Bitch. You're not like, you're a fucking bitch.

You're a fucking bitch. There's always like, I do a lot of, it's very interesting because I do a lot of like, you get it once a show, but like, shut the fuck up. And like, sometimes it'll kill. But sometimes if I'm like, annoyed, sometimes it had that, there's that edge where I go, I'm like, just shut the fuck up. And the audience goes like, whoa. I've had the exact thing happen.

Someone was talking the first two minutes, like quiet whisper over there. And I'm just going along. And eventually I'm like, can you had the exact thing happen someone was talking the first two minutes like quiet whisper over there and i'm just going along and eventually i'm like can you shut the fuck up audience turns on me they're like why was zach mean amazing he's so nice yeah i had i've had this happen before and i i dig for this now with with the shows that i do at sesh the silver lining check it out it's a sister show this podcast okay but uh i you know, I say like, who's a fucked up relationship with their dad? Like I try to, right now I'm trying to do crowd work that explores like really family. Oh, smart. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But as it happened last night. Oh God. Someone, you know, they said their dad's a dick. I'm like, are they married? And then they go, my mom's dead. And the audience goes like, whoa. And I go like, no, let's keep, let's talk. And I think, I think I'll be able to get

through the other side. And sometimes you can't. And it was like- Because people aren't thinking of, will this be a good bit for you? They're like, I'm going to be fully honest. Well, there's a famous bit. Have you seen Greg Stone?

He was at the cellar and he did one where he found out that the woman's father had murdered the mom and then killed himself. And like the set was more him just being like, but it was like, he did it perfectly. But that's, you know, that's the fantasy. Yeah, yeah. I see someone has a dead parent,

and I'm like, viral clip right here. Here we go. Oh, interesting. And, no, I mean, I try to, you know, I try to explore it. Right, right, right. And I think the only way to explore things is to, like, get into the details.

And, like, her story was something about like her dad sucked because she had to pick up her mom's death certificate and i think i was like death certificate what's what's that for just mail and she was like for insurance purposes and i was like fun fun fun and man i think like i think i'm probably decent enough that the audience doesn't think that i like I truly just fucked it up. But in my head, I'm like, man, I did not find anything there. I didn't find anything. And I did the lamest thing.

I'm like, oh, I'm going to come back to you. And then I never came back to her. I think, well, my theory of stand-up is people are watching. The comedian trying to make something funny is funny. Or you struggling is funny are you struggling is funny if we like you yes like maybe not in the room that night because they were feeling hurt their feeling for her was darker than their like love of you but in outside of it that's hilarious like the comedian you yeah whether we're all in this together we're all trying to find the laugh

together and when it fails we all kind of fail or you're seeing how do you respond to failure yeah that's what's funny yeah i mean when the joke bombs i think that's more interesting i think it's like as a comedian like for some people death is a real is a real like yeah knows it's just like audiences hate it it's death and breakups i feel like there's too much empathy. And then people can't laugh when it feels too raw. Yeah. For those listening, just real quick, I want to just plug that we do have a new Downside live episodes every Tuesday, 4 to 5 p.m. On the new Amazon's AMP app link in bio. And if you can't listen to it live we have a patreon patreon.com slash downside you can get all the episodes for just five dollars a month old bonus episodes too

we might have to reschedule tomorrow so I'll tell you after the show how do you vet guests for the live show how why did I not make the cut trust me you can't you won't put me live this is the better well for instance would be better the other one would be better because you didn't have to come I could be naked on the other one yeah but the problem is you see the you see the eyeball or the ear or whatever in the corner letting you know how many people are listening and you're like oh my god four people are listening to this interview with dan savage great work jeff bezos um i was terrified i prayed i was like i'm sure he knew but it's amazing if i was dan savage i would have been like oh i'm gonna hang up now i can't see it anymore you can't he knew. But it's amazing. If I was Dan Savage, I would have been like, oh, I'm going to hang up now. I can't see it anymore.

You can't see it anymore. No, they changed it. Maybe it's just me. Oh, that's bad. They've changed it as a viewer. That's like when they got rid of the Instagram likes. So you could just be like, oh, maybe a million likes on this picture. Lots of people are doing this.

Yeah, yeah. I did want to share one story. And then I want to hear about your life. Or you can do crowd work with us. Just ask us questions. Shut the fuck up. So I had a thing. And I've been.

So I was on the road. And I think my girlfriend has a paranoia of like, you know, especially with Malaney cheating and Adam Levine cheating and the Try Guy cheating. I've always compared you to Adam Levine. Now, I know that's a joke. I know that's a joke. And it's funny to me too. But to her, it's not. To her, it is a trend.

It is a new trend of men cheating. On tour. On tour. A new trend. Every time. Everyone's always shocked. Everyone's shocked that men cheat. And I got a text.

I was in an Uber. i got a text from her and it was a it was a picture of uh uh red panties and she said want to explain what this is and like not even not even with a sense of like oh what's this as if she found the smoking gun as if she found a picture of me with the panties on my head i mean it's a pretty it's not a smoking gun it's a gun held up it is a gun i mean did you and they were see-through oh and they were like and red and and red yeah maybe they used to be white and she was on a period but we took a normal size. They were small. Petite? Like for a Barbie doll small?

No. An adult woman's panties. Was there any part of you that thought maybe they belonged to someone that you knew at some point? Okay. thought maybe they belonged to someone that you knew at some point. Okay, so here's... The only thought that I had in my head is that I had in the past when I

lived in Harlem and I was a single bachelor, that sometimes women... Like a surprising amount of women, surprisingly, it was like four, left their panties. It happens. And I didn't know... I always was confused by it. I didn't know if it was like a Cinderella thing. I'd like, it was, like, four left their panties. It happens. And I didn't know.

I always was confused by it. I didn't know if it was, like, a Cinderella thing. I, like, bring it around Bushwick, find the matching smell. But I, and I, here's the weird part for me. I'm not, I'm not into wearing panties. I'm not into, like, jerking off with panties. That's not my thing. Did any part of you think maybe you would just say that you were to like be like, I wear them or.

What, like right now? Just like to tell, to lie? No, no, to her. Like when you were like. When you're being confronted. Oh, sure. That's an explanation. Well, so, so when I first moved here, the thing is I held onto these panties.

They, they, it felt they were the nicest thing I owned. It was hard to imagine throwing them away. So they literally made the move. I had movers who moved the panties from one location to another location. I don't know what they were doing with these panties. They don't really. Yeah. You didn't pay a lot extra for that.

And they were probably mixed in with the kitchenware and stuff, just in a box. What? So when Tova and I got closer, and eventually when she moved in, or she helped me reorganize and Marie Kondo the place, she found these panties. And I had some splainin' to do, but I said, oh, these are the Harlem panties. These are the Harlem panties. I've had them for ages. They're the nicest thing I own. So I threw them away.

I threw them away. Did you? I did. You did? Did she watch you do it? Yeah, she watched me. She burned them. We did a whole Jewish ritual.

And there's also, no one's ever noticed it, but there's a framed picture up there and there's a pair of her panties in in that framed thing up there but you can't see it because it was a joke to her like look i'm framing your panties now okay and um uh congrats my girlfriend signed you uh as a manager so so i got this text and my first thought first i had no idea i mean truly i was like i i had no idea. I mean, truly I was like, I had no idea what was going on. I've been on the road for two weeks.

Yep. And I mean, I haven't cheated on her for like months. And my first thought was, oh my, maybe, maybe there was a, one more pair left over from this long,

she's moved in a while ago. So I had no, I had no idea. But then I assumed that we'd do our laundry, we'd send it out, it gets brought back. And I've probably lost probably two shirts that way. Once I got a baby sock, which funnily enough, I held onto the baby sock because I thought it was so cute.

For the same reason. But you know, just random clothes. Because you do jack off with baby socks. You don't jack off with adult women's rings so wait i have a yeah technical question where did she find these in your apartment like where were they so she she got them so this is this is where it goes further so as i get the details the more i, give me a break. So it was in the laundry bag that she had sent out and brought back while I was away. So in her mind, I guess she said, women do this kind of thing, like to either, you know, break up the couple, I guess they're cheating with, or just like a territorial, like pissing where you eat or whatever. So I was like, okay, so you're whatever that that so i was like i was like okay so you're saying that's i slept with some woman in in our room despite the fact that you're fucking sherlock

holmes that's what i chose our room i'm on the road half of the year i chose our room instead of the marriott hotel collecting panties and she could have hooked up on the road and brought those panties back in a thing and then accidentally got them in your laundry for when you sent out for laundry. Sure. I'm just, you know. Sure. And her mind that or the woman as she left, she was like, I know I'm going to fuck up. I'm going to throw it in the laundry.

And somehow I didn't see it. So I'm like talking to her and we're like talking through this and I'm like, you know, this is impossible. I promise. And we're like talking through this. And I'm like, you know, this is impossible. I promise. And suddenly, the Uber driver goes, hey, I'm sorry to interrupt, but that does happen sometimes. That does happen sometimes.

I've had it happen like three times to me. Where a woman will leave them behind? No, where the laundry comes back. They just throw on. You get some clothes. Yes, that sounds so common. And he said panties specifically. And so, you know, that really clears it up for Tova.

It's like, okay, now we're good. The Uber driver agreed with you. The person you're about to tip in 20 minutes. Yeah, the person you're about to tip. He's winking at me like we got each other. And he's like, oh, it's not that. After this.

But ultimately it got settled. You know, I tricked her. And when when we got when he finished the call you know the the uber driver he just i i thanked him i said that was nice yeah it's very funny because like i've gotten to this point where i've had conversations with with uber people in the front where i've uber people uber people drive is driving you okay yeah but like you know it is the the things i've said on the phone or with someone in the back of an Uber, like very intimate details where I'm like, this person's just hearing it. Yeah. And he heard the whole phone call and I said thank you to him. And he said, yeah, it's happened to me three times.

They're mostly granny panties for some reason. And then he said, he said, he said, he said, you know, I'm a relationship guy. And I think if you're going to fight, you should be fighting about, you know, the real problems, not the made up ones. Okay, he sounds like a cheater. Sounds like a cheater. I'm a relationship guy. I'm a wife guy. I'm a wife guy, you know.

I'm a try guy. It was one of the try guys. That's his new job. So it was all settled. But it was. What, but it was – What did she do with the panties? I don't know if we threw them away or not, or they were still here. No one knew they were in a box somewhere.

This also feels like a thing someone could do to tease out the truth. Can you explain these? Sure. Just completely random. When my mom found out that my dad was cheating on her, she heard from a friend that they had seen my dad at a restaurant with someone. And my mom said to my dad, are you cheating on me? He said, no. She said, I saw you.

And he said, I'll be right home. And she was calling his bluff. Called his bluff. And my dad, like a fucking fool, he didn't have an Uber driver to be like, you know, people have dinner with women at restaurants. Cheating is genetic. So Tova's right to be afraid i think actually yeah my dad and i are very uh uh similar no we're very different in that like my my uncle his brother once said to me he's like he's like you know your dad is a so weird your dad was like he's like a sexual person you're not like

that and your uncle said this to you? Yeah. How old are you? Russell knows a detail that I can't share on the pod. I'll tell you off. Yeah, it was probably, it was like recent. I think it was like at my, a funeral with one of my grandparents. A funeral! Your dad's a sexual being. It was as you were like laying over your grandma saying goodbye. Your dad's a sexual being. It was as you were laying over your grandma saying goodbye.

No, I honestly think I'm far too neurotic for lying. I think it eats at me. You have a tell. The bit eyes. I have the bit eyes as well as never being an actor professionally. But I think lies eat away at me. I hate them. I hate them. Now you hate them yeah yeah now you

you're a you liar you're a liar um no no have you ever cheated on your wife no not yet okay i'm not planning on it yeah no who's planning on it it's the thing where they're like you know people who murder people they didn't know they were gonna murder someone one day they just some of them do some of them do but some of them are premeditated. But some of them, they just one day, they look over that body and they're like, you know,

I got to dispose of this. I'll keep the red panties, but I got to get rid of the body. It would be so stressful if I murdered someone. I think that that would be... Don't be such a neurotic. Get over it.

You murdered someone. It's fine. I feel like that would be... All the things you have to think of to make sure... It just feels like it would be very stressful. You're saying it like we're talking about like flying internationally. I get the charger adapter. Think about something you're good at.

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about a struggling Asian actor who gets a bigger part than he expected when he witnesses a crime in Chinatown. Streaming November 19th only on Disney+. So, Zach. John Marco. You. Russell. I know you grew up in a religious household and we do talk about religion a lot in here yeah what state do you grow up in you grew up in virginia virginia we're in virginia roanoke how far was that from richmond i was just in richmond

four hours we used to drive to richmond to go to king's dominion that's a big theme park in right outside of richmond and religious family correct very still very yeah i still get texts every day you you post those texts you post those those texts uh before it was a thing no yeah they they're they're they believe in the lord is it a mass text or specifically for you group group family for the family yeah the five of us or the six of us do people respond they believe in the Lord. Is it a mass text or is it specifically for you? Group family. For the family. Usually, yeah, the five of us or the six of us.

Do people respond, like thumbs up? Yeah, sometimes I take, my sisters are more like my speed. Older sisters still God, younger sisters like a little more woke and on my bandwidth. Were they involved in the church? Dad was an assistant pastor for a good while. So he just likes to make sure the door is locked for the priest? Make sure the door is locked. Pastor. Tell us the difference.

Pastor, this is Protestant? Protestant, yeah. Southern Baptist. Southern Baptist. Yeehaw. And what's the difference between a pastor and a priest? Priest is Catholic, I think, right? Okay, priest is Catholic. Yeah. Catholics are Christians that are going to hell.

That's how I keep track of it. Cool, cool, cool. And then what's a preacher? Like a pastor. Okay, a preacher and a pastor. I think those are synonyms. Those are synonyms. Yeah, yeah.

Okay, great. So what's an assistant to a pastor? That seems like kind of a— Not an assistant to a pastor. An assistant pastor. An associate pastor. An associate pastor. So the pastor's sick. You don't have a...

Was that what it is? You do like the Sunday nights. Sunday nights. You're like the... You're not headlining. It's like one day, hope I get that 8 a.m. slide. Oh, God.

But he would lead a service. Yes, occasionally. And then when you're your own pastor, that's when you have your own congregation, your own church. But he never got there. he want to i think so yeah was he was his main thing or was this like a no it's always a side or i think when you're the pastor it's full time yeah but yeah he worked on cars his whole life oh god yeah big mechanic what is not like oil coming home is that a good smell i don don't know. It's deep in my memory.

I don't think it's a good smell. Is he a manly guy? Yeah. I see oil. I mean, I think oil. Yeah, he's pretty manly. I think he's manly. Was he...

Are you kidding on my dad? Sure. Tova. He's going to have his oil racks. You want to know whose panties was? That's where you made the mistake. It was a much older man. uh okay is he a good pastor oh very very good speaker yes and like great cadence and pause very comfortable would he quote the bible or was it mostly crowd work

quote the bible what kind is it funny is it inspirational like like how does how does i don't go to these a good a good it is it is probably funny is it inspirational like like how does how does i don't go to these a good a good it is it is probably where some formative like comedy of course influences happen because you structure it yeah there's a structure there's usually a lesson like okay today we're talking about jealousy and here's some like stories from the bible that talk about jealousy here's a story from my life here's a joke literally and it all kind of builds to a come to jesus like accept jesus as your savior speech for anyone who hasn't at the end is that always like a narrative is it always the closer is it always to bring it back to jesus yeah uh just in case was he really like writing is he like every saturday like writing

like oh what's the story i'm gonna tell or is he just kind of like, oh, this happened to me. Someone, you know, fixed the car faster than me. And I'll talk about that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'll riff it. He, I mean, he didn't give a ton of sermon. I don't have formative like him giving sermon memories. I know his testimony forward and backwards, which is like your conversion story.

Can you tell? I was this. Then I got saved. And now I'm better. How was he saved oh man that's part of what fucked me up so much he like heard the voice of god at 13 and like i then as a kid was like reading where's my voice yeah well i always found it uh interesting c.s lewis yeah who i think i was interested in c.s lewis when i was going through like a real

existentialist college phase. He was very Christian. If you went deeper, people were talking about how the three spirits can be one or whatever. The Trinity. The Trinity can be one thing. It feels like you're theorizing about Dungeons and Dragons. But C.S. Lewis also had larger things about the existence of God that felt very smart and interesting. But he was an atheist until he was like 30, I think.

Oh, really? Or there's a guy who runs Francis Ellis, I think his name is. He runs the big health government center in D.C. And he's like a biologist who believes in evolution. So I was looking for religious people who were scientific and that was going to be like my, like, Oh,

they're smart. They're not idiots. And they believe in God. Thus ergo, I can believe in God. But he talked about like he was on a hike one day at 30, 33, and he came across three streams and he saw the father,

son, Holy ghost. And it became one. and I wanted that moment Yeah, yeah, and I'm 34 now. I don't want that. You don't want you don't want to be walking one day I think I much more your time you're gonna have to like you're start going to church You have to like start like you don't mean they're gonna have to carve out a whole new thing for yourself You know I could make a lot of money on the Christian circuit. If you really heard the voice of God, don't you think you would then be like,

you'd have to change your life a lot. What if I heard the voice of God and I was like, it was kind of annoying. It was kind of nasally. John Michael. Did your dad, did he go into details of what he meant when he said that? He heard the voice of God. The voice said,

Jesus, Jesus, you need thisesus you need this you need this he was at like a summer camp it rhymed it rhymed gee was it a rap was there beatboxing in the background jesus it doesn't rhyme he wasn't saying like that wait i'm like you need this anxious thinking about maybe there's a future conversion experience for me. That's horrifying, actually. That like, even now, we're all kind of one lightning bolt away. If your ceiling opened up right now and someone was like John Marco, like you would change your whole life probably, right? Yeah, exactly. You're correct. Yes, I will give that to you guys.

If the ceiling opened up and a voice said to Marco, I'd change a couple things about my life. That's a fair point. Maybe stop cheating. Maybe burn the panties on your wall. You're saying you want that. You want that? Wanted in college, right? I want a voice to come out and say, hey, big fan of your work.

Why do you need him? Got a tag idea for you, bud. You're just, you know. Well, because I want them to say, say hey just so you know and i'm sure you want this too this is where why i'm confused you don't want this the voice to be like hey just so you know uh when you die you still get to kind of exist in a fun way okay and uh don't worry it's all a fun game and and and you'll never be nothingness peace and that's all i want okay that sounds nice that doesn't sound nice but i don't think I changed my life with that. I think, but if it was just like, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, you need this.

I would be like, I guess like that, if I'm really feeling like the ceiling's opening up and I'm hearing that and like it feels real. Yeah. That's more confusing to me. You know? Sure. The other thing is like, I don't have to go to church. It just feels like it's fine. Like I can just live my life nicely and it'll be nice.

But I think the other thing feels scary because it's like. You don't want any doubt. You have to get into like, you know, church at, you know. I would like it more if it was, if they came down and it was like, Hasidic Judaism is the way. And you had to go full on Hasidic Judaism. Yeah. So, but your father, was he, you said he was lost and then saved.

He was 13. Did he grow up in a religious family? No. So that's what shattered, not shattered, but strained his relationships with other family members. He lost his father too, which I think is part of the searching for meaning or being. When did his father die? How old was he? I think he was right.

It was like that year. So maybe 12 or 13. What happened? Heart attack working on the railroad. Jesus Christ. He must have been young. Yeah, I know. Both my grandfathers died in their 50s.

So, you know. I'm glad we got you here sooner than later. I know, I can't do tomorrow. I'll tell you why. I'm dying. So, okay, so his dad dies. you why I'm dying. Uh, so, okay. So his dad dies. He's emotional.

Yep. He's got, he's 13. Does he have siblings? Older sister, older sister. And then he has this big experiment comes home or experience comes home, tries to convert.

Everybody gets real involved in the church. Mary's young. And his parents were not, his, his mom was not like into the church at all. No. Wow. God,

can you, that's honestly my biggest fear of having a kid is a 13-year-old being here to come home. Mom. To have a little Jesus freak. It can happen. Yeah. That's honestly, I never even thought about that. Because you don't want to be mean, but you're like, oh, stop.

But really? I know. Be like, let's get you into Dragon Ball Z. Anything. So he had this moment, and did he tell you i obviously he did sermons about did he did he ever did he ever like sit down with you and be like like with vulnerability and say like you don't understand i heard this thing yeah and i know it's every night it felt like every night this is in uh this is an essay in the book oh yeah very like it's called yeah it's called testimony i

know yeah he would tell me it over dinner every night and i would be in constant fear i was going to hell because i didn't hear a voice i would pray this prayer over and over and over again what did he tell you about hell like what did you think of hell when you were young he would say there is the weeping and the gnashing of teeth and then he would act it out can you show me what at the dinner table yeah oh my god i'm so nervous it's i think it has to be funny i'm gonna try to sell it do i have any tell i mean it'd be like pain like like that's what we're doing in hell or that's worse yeah we're suffering so for yourself i'm

going back to church after this interview John Marco did you ever wait no please I didn't laugh did you ever Russell let me just let me just say

there is a part of you and it's a small part that is trying to prepare yourself for hell possibly like right now you are you want to be like

what might it be like can I prepare for it no no did you ever say to your dad like did you ever have a second conversation with god like do you because i feel like oh yes yes 13 to yeah later on i'd be like what has he popped in lately he fell into a little depression in his 30s because he was kind of like you're not going to get it again yeah like am i can you lose your

salvation is it like a sure thing yeah and then, it's very important that that happened to him. Like everything hinges on that. So it's impervious to like questioning. And it never came back. It never came back a couple years ago and said, don't get the vaccine. So as a kid that would that would have fucked me up I've talked about it before

I said like if I I was already scared enough of death if I believed in the possibility of hell like with the the kind of assuredness you can when you're younger

it would have terrified me it's it's bad yeah were you asked were you praying saying God please talk to me please yes

just one Jesus would do yes and when did you how did you Were you praying, saying, God, please talk to me? Please. Yes. Just one Jesus would do? Yes. And when did you, how did you get out of it? How did you grow out of it? Where did your turning point come? Well, John Marco, doing crowd work with an audience member. I hate to report that my friend was murdered at Virginia Tech.

Wait. And I stopped believing in God. Hold up. Oh, my God. Your friend was murdered? Yeah. What happened? The school shooting. Yeah.

20-2006. I was in like, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 2006. Yeah. Freshman year of college. Wow. Now, forgive me, because I...

Not to be crass funny man there's like 20 so it was like a big yeah 33 if you count the killer yeah which is like always a question in school shootings do you count the killer as a victim what year was uh columbine 99 or 97 99 i feel like i remember faint echo so virginia tech was this at the time like it was it was the biggest it was a big one to date but it was before it's like it's like cool now but it was yeah it was fine it was still like a shot it was like one it was the biggest and it was like it wasn't happening with the frequency that it happens now so you were a freshman in college freshman in college already starting to like branch out you know i'm amongst people who

believe differently because i like yeah out of state i'm like here wow i'm i talk about it as like i'm where still wearing my father's clothes and they feel like they aren't as comfortable because i'd like talk about jesus and stuff to people and it started to feel a little false i was taking a religion class reading the old testament like as a religious document or historical document and kind of picking it apart in an interesting way and then like to get this news was kind of like oh damn were you on campus when this occurred yeah my mom called me where what what day of the week was it well oh great question I believe a Thursday and you were where when it happened

what time of the day did it happen you start getting getting, I got an email, or I saw it in the news on my laptop in a class on the biblical King David. I was in the Judaic Studies Hall taking my course. And you, an email popped up on your computer? I think it was a, or like a news alert, like they're shooting at Virginia Tech. And I grew up in Virginia, so I texted like, I knew probably five or six people that were there, texted everybody. Wait, sorry, you were on the campus of Virginia Tech? No, no, in Virginia, so I texted like, I knew probably five or six people that were there, texted everybody.

Wait, sorry. You were on the campus of Virginia Tech? No, no, no, no. I went to Princeton. Virginia Tech was a safety school. Well, not. Never mind. That's a good maybe joke,

but not really. That's fun. That'll endear me to everyone. That's what you get for not getting into Princeton. So you're at Princeton. Where's's princeton forgive me jersey in new jersey and you get this thing you hear about the shooting and you had a friend that you went to high school with yeah um and middle school we were in the same classes from like sixth grade and how like are we talking like one of your best

friends yeah probably um we definitely fallen out of touch since going to college, I think. Sure. Like over that nine months or whatever. It's hard to be a freshman, so you're like, it's not that much of a... Yeah, making new friends. But we were like always in... I don't know if y'all were... Were you smart as children?

Mm-hmm. Okay. In the smart kids classes? Sure. Or you were like separated? I was in the class. I was at the bottom of those classes. Got it, got it.

But yes, I was in those classes. But you built a bond with that crew. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so we were there. I was valedictorian of my class. Got it, got it. But you build a bond with that crew. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so we were there. I was valedictorian of my class. He was the salutatorian. Salutatorian? What?

Like number two. Number two. Oh, you've never heard of that? Salutatorian? Did you go to school? Yeah. What happened? We had valedictorian, not salutatorian.

I've never heard of that. It's the number two. It's number two. We didn't have a number two, I guess. I called him number number two we didn't have a number two i guess i called him number two and he called me fatty those were our fun back and forth that we had wow or fat boy or fat boy fatty were you were you fat did you i guess i didn't compared to him he was a pencil oh sure um wait did you what is it fatty uh um was your so when you got that notification did you automatically reach out to yeah your friend texted called and then only later that day to my mom i don't know how she heard but she called me and i had like my lunch in my hand and she was like

and i cried a bunch when you when it happened did you think like when you couldn't reach him was that your first thought no no it just seemed like everyone was calling and right there's thousands of people at that school yeah and you i'm very just curious because i think like i have i have a so i had a girlfriend in in uh in college and i'm trying to be vague because it's not my story to a certain degree but her mom called her to let her know that a neighbor that they've grown up with had hung herself and I just will always remember the

phone ringing picking it up and hearing sobbing and just like and I have an anxiety I tell people all the time like I hate getting a text being like are you free have an anxiety. I tell people all the time, like I hate getting a text being like, are you free right now? Because immediately I go like, something's bad, something bad. I have anxiety.

My siblings call me. I'm always like, is everything okay? And that's me. But it's also, I think that experience gave me a bit of PTSD. Not in the sense of like pity me, but like I just am an anxious person. And that really made me go like, phone calls can be bad bad news my dad tells me all the time about a phone call he found out a friend of his had died in a motorcycle accident and his mom said to him are you sitting down and that was for me if anyone says that to me i think someone's dead when your mom told you what's the worst that

could happen you like slip a little or or we're sitting down oh like sitting down i think it's gorgeous i think that motorcycle are you so dangerous actually you can die in accidents lose their heads um you slipped you slide on the highway no i think it's just a degree of like brace yourself something's coming something's coming it's just you're trying to make it softer like i i'm trying to think the worst news i don't think i've had to deliver explain this anything to yeah i haven't had to explain anything too awful i remember like you know telling people philip seymour hoffman died that was my biggest have you ever had to deliver real bad news when i i when we were first recording this podcast i got a a message basically being like call me and it was my friend who went this had

this horrible accident he had both of his legs amputated and so it was like uh but it was like a friend saying like call me there's been an accident kind of thing and then you're like and it was at the point where you don't know it was that friend who told you so not the friend i didn't i didn't talk to my friend who survived and you know and is alive still but it was like the thing where you don't know all the details yet and there was just the report of like an accident and airlifting and like sounds like it's really bad and that sort of thing and then i had to let other friends. It's hard to calibrate the amount of worry and anxiety and care. Yeah. It was just a very,

it's such a, you know, and then you're, and then I talked to him within 24 hours, which I was like, that's an insane thing to talk to someone who's just been through that kind of trauma. Yeah. I talked to him that day.

Wow. I talked to the next morning. I like, so it happened in like the afternoon and I talked to him the next morning. So it happened in the afternoon, and I talked to him at 10 a.m. the next day. And I was like, it was insane. Was it jovial at all? Or was there any joking?

A little bit, but I could tell he was running on adrenaline. He was just in shock, someone in shock but like very positive seeming but like like he'd just been through and you know an unimaginable kind of accident so um but yeah it's i i remember as a kid too one time my aunt called me to tell my tell my dad that my uncle had died his brother and-huh and I answered the phone and she was kind of a dramatic aunt so I I always feel guilty to this day being like it's aunt so-and-so like being like she's crying you know like I don't even

think I've even said anything but I like handed the phone off being like it's like you know and and thinking like oh you know something not that big happened and then it was my uncle had died. But yeah, I remember my dad. You do remember those phone calls when people get them and you see it. It's very upsetting. It's like you're watching someone's whole world collapse. Those moments, I think it's where I resent.

My father is someone who's always like, text me, emergency, ASAP. And then i'm like calling he's like are you coming home for christmas this year and i'm like i'm like no and then when something bad is happening i feel a real rage because i'm like i yeah boy i didn't it's a boy who cried wolf um my dad will not give any preface just this past week he was like mom's sick and i'm like with the cold with the flu it's fine it was covid it is covid but she's fine yeah it's the second and she is she's not vaccinated not vaccinated somehow surviving all this stuff um so when when you found out about your friend with the religion was it was it like not until i saw his body it was an open casket open yeah for some reason not to be too graphic but the bullet went through

in a way that you his face was like preserved it went through like behind his ear um and so it was open casket and i saw his body and i remember it's kind of weird because it's wasn't the voice of god but it was a voice or it was like a phrase wherever our thoughts come from. But I was like, oh, this is why religion exists to like make this hurt less. Like the religions to figure out how to grieve a dead person. Yeah. Or like this unexplainable tragedy. And so it was just so cleanly like, OK, I don't believe that anymore.

Yeah. I didn't want to like my parents. He's in hell, according to my parents' worldview. So I was like, oh, this is dumb. Because he wasn't saved, an atheist, I think. Wow. Saved. That's brutal. And after that, you felt like, I mean, it really was like that deep, like, oh, I'm done talking about Jesus.

Yeah. And I still have to unlearn. I mean, therapy's helped me like unlearn the fear just like of hell. And it still exists. I feel so fortunate. You talk to so many people that like you underestimate how real that feels to so many people. Like to never have had hell feel real is, like, a blessing. Yes.

But, like, do you know what I mean? But, like, for you, that's a real thing that must have been absolutely terrifying. What does the thought of hell come, like, now? What does it feel like? Oh, it's, like, oh, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe this is, like, the point one. The new thought is, like, my my parents version of God was wrong, but there's still a different one.

Uh huh. That's like my new thing. Like, am I going to suffer for eternity because I got the wrong parents teaching me this very particular version. Is it ever a positive thought? Maybe it's a God who's, who's like,

Oh, kind and generous. Yeah. That does sound a little, you know, what's replaced my thought where sometimes I have like the thought of because again i never want to die uh but there's a degree of like thank you there's a degree of oh hell could be created on on earth or like you know uh when i saw uh there's an episode of like black mirror where where they

put the consciousness like in a computer or whatever. Again, this is all, what does that even mean? But they sped up time within the thing. So the person suffered 10,000 years in darkness. And I'm like, there's times I'm like, oh, there could be the possibility for eternal pain in the physical world as we know it. And I don't know if that's comforting or if it's just like it's more just like oh yeah it is possible religion or not yeah oh interesting so right so it's all still pretty fucking bleak yeah um what about but if this was hell that i would be like okay that's

not that bad this isn't i mean this podcast is like this is my hell this I'm suffering. I think I'll call this like the gnashing of teeth. Can you spell gnashing? Yeah, I can. Gnashing. K-N. K. Oh, is it? I thought that was a trick.

Like there was a K in there. Oh, no. Like knitting. Like knot or knitting. It's not like knitting. Isn't it G-N? It's like gnat. Like gnat is your clue. Yeah. What? It's a G-N. Or knitting. It's not like knitting. It's just N-A-S-H. Like g-n, right?

Yeah. What? It's a g. Silent g. God, I thought we were smarter than that. You weren't in smart people classes. You might have gone to Virginia Tech. We're going to do an IQ test.

We're going to do an SAT test. Oh, God. SATs. No, that's a long one. That's a fun idea. What Tova and I talked about once, I was like, it'll be fun. And then three questions, and I'll be like, oh, my God, what the fuck? Okay.

What about the, we haven't established that you're gay. Am I? Well, I don't know. Yeah. That'd be great if I could, if I could get, if an audience member finds out that they're actually not gay. What's wild is the inner, the identity shit all came crashing down after them okay like it was like oh if the religion goes away then like oh these hot guys at princeton they're an option and then uh vegetarianism came through fast after that what's the what was the priority list of like

telling your parents religion gay or vegetarian yes no i love when the third one is the one with the last one. I do think gay was weirdly harder than atheist or still a little more difficult, which is kind of insane because atheist means I'm going to hell forever. What do you think they care about more?

I understand it's for you. Do you think it's the same for them? Is the atheism more troubling for your parents or the being gay being gay i think okay yeah which you're right is so crazy in terms of oh yeah i'm like already going to hell but i guess being gay is already going to hell too right true true well we all sin you can still go to hell and sin do you think your parents do you think your parents believe a hundred percent in their hearts that you are going to hell and they are not? Or do you think this is part of their worldview of the things you should do in life and they hope maybe you're not going to hell?

Because if someone really believes that you're going day yes yes how can they do anything if i thought my child was going to hell and they were gay i would if i truly believed it yeah for eternity yeah i'd be like we have to uh lock you in a room so you can't act on being gay because i don't want you to go to hell yeah for eternity yeah that interesting. They're not going far enough. I think they've... If you really believe in it, you should be knocking on everyone's door. But that's the same thing with all of religion in terms of

like, well, then you should be giving up all your worldly goods if you actually believe in it. But people are tired and lazy and my dad doesn't want to come to New York to lock me up he's like afraid of cities so it would be very funny that'd be very your dad just trying to cock block you just constantly there is a bible verse my mom cites raise them up in the way they should be

and when they're old they won't depart from you so i think they've like done their work and are like okay it's on you now because how do you it has to be they don't blame themselves according to that passage raise raise them up correctly. Oh, I know. They've never done anything wrong. Someone tweeted something that white evangelicals are people who don't have any questions. And I think that's like very damning. They know everything.

They've never done anything wrong. I see. They don't have any questions about the universe. They have all their answers. And they just say, they just say like, you are bad. You are bad. that's why you are so what is your really i mean they're texting you still but what's your relationship like now are you we've visiting do you see each other like are you what are those conversations like for there

were four years where i did not visit wow and then i think we were the more that as they're aging they're softening because i think anger and damnation take a lot of energy so they're like getting a little gentler maybe i'm being a little more gentler with them like oh maybe he needs religion because of this trauma of childhood like let me be maybe these people didn't do that badly with raising me even though they've fucked up in my opinion so we we're learning boundaries i think we avoid i sometimes it's fun to fight. Like fighting is like our love, but then sometimes it's like exhausting.

So they, they enjoy, is it fun repartee or do they go? It can be like politic, like, yeah. And that's, but like, that's again, that's another thing where I'm like, that's cool. Unless they think you're going to hell for eternity. Then it's weird to be cute about it. If you really think that's, it's weird to be cute about it if you really think that's it's just so hard i just feel like if i was religious it's more just like i'm like that part of one's brain or thought i'm not saying i'm smarter but like one part where there's one connection that like i'm like you don't seem not

you you don't seem to have it that you can't be like you understand you don't really believe in this because if you did you'd be living a different kind of life it that you can't be like, you understand you don't really believe in this because if you did, you'd be living a different kind of life. It's I have to be. Yeah. Cause they don't, they don't even go to church anymore. They haven't been to a church in forever.

They're not even doing the thing. That's sometimes I have to catch myself. Cause I'll use their logic to be like, you're, you're wrong. Like if God exists, then X, Y,

Z, like I'll try to play within their language with like but they're so clearly just reciting fox you know what you're right take down the cross i think my dad's like asocial or has like social anxiety and so he just for whatever reason you don't have to go to church go to heaven so he got his salvation raised his kids and then got out wow but yeah they don't go to church which is supposed to be those are the good things about religion like a community singing together eating together have you ever gone to sleeping with someone in the bathroom anytime i go to a

church thing i like whether someone's wedding or some reason i'm out of church yeah and there's a ceremony it's it blows my mind that people do this every week and then cite it for like community stuff and i'm like we are barely alive in this church like you look at everyone else and they're just like they're like oh no one no one wants to be there no no everyone truly is doing it because it's a thing to check off a list of being like i'm gonna and i'm not i'm not going to the fun ones. I'm not going to the progressive fun churches. I'm talking about old school.

Or like city church. I'm not going to like, I don't know. I don't know the new hip churches. I'm just saying I knew. Do you want to go to Times Square Church one day? I've never been. There's a Times Square Church. I would be, you know, it's a horrible thing, but I'm like, you know, it's a horrible thing,

but I'm like, I already have my chunk on liberal churches. So I'm like, I already have my chunk. I don't need more. You don't need more? No, I would go. Wouldn't you just be interested to see? You'd go. So when I invite you to my wedding, I'm going to have to be like,

you don't have any material yet on gay weddings. You need to come. You're right. You're right. I have to make it different enough. Yeah. I've been working on a new chunk about, I went to a wedding where the couple

is in an open relationship. And so that's my new chunk. That's fun. I'm working on that. Is it the wedding I know of? No, no, no. No, not that. I guess it's multiple weddings.

No, because it's not as, it's funnier with this because it's a heterosexual couple. Oh, got it, got it. Where like when it's a gay couple, like I just think it's, there's more open relationships with men than there are a heterosexual couple. We're like when it's a gay couple. I just think it's there's more open relationships with men than there are with men and women. Does anyone object to this

or want to get in on it? That's what I was for. It's that degree. It's that. My girlfriend, she got the bouquet. She got to fuck the groom. It was very weird. Give a laugh, you fucking asshole. I did. You did this. It was very weird. Give a laugh, you fucking asshole.

I did. You did this. You had bit eyes. I'll tell you that you went. You did a bummer like. No, I did a traditional joke. You had bit eyes. You had bit eyes. You say a traditional joke.

I'm recording this. There are 44 ways you can't lie to me. Okay, well, we'll play the joke. It's your camera recording. I always get paranoia. Yes, yes. Is that the one trained on you? No, it's on him.

Oh, look at that. Would you and Tova ever open things up? Let's ask Tova! No. I do love asking straight Tova that question because it is always the man turns to look at the woman answering. This didn't work on stage.

I thought it was so interesting. Tova is never going to be into an open relationship and i thought it's like our our relationship is like the town from footloose and people in open relationships are like hey you can dance and she's like no you can't there's something there's something in i think about like i feel like people who are against open relationships and want monogamy see people in our relationships and they're like get the the out of here stop telling so and so that this is possible we don't want this oh yeah yeah i think there i i think there's a degree of resentment with people in

open relationships especially from more often again we're speaking in broad generalities but in heterosexual relationships with other heterosexual relationships that are open there's a degree where some people are like no there's way less cases we'd rather we'd rather have people cheat in their 50s and destroy the entire family unit i think even confront the reality of people now i think even the ire people have towards cheating is sort of like a what if we have to condemn this because that's why i want to get to do it that's why I think it's so shocking when people go like, oh my God, Adam Levine cheated. First of all, they probably have an arrangement. But second of all, it's just like,

it's like, yeah. It's wild how mad Twitter gets about cheating. It's very footloose. It's very fire and brimstone condemnation. It's so like, you have to be pure. Yeah. Like the word adultery. It's so, you're like, of course it happens. Of course, and of course. Oh, yes. Like, it have to be pure. Yeah. You have to be pure. Like, the word adultery. I want to eat so.

You're like, of course it happens. Of course. And of course. Oh, yes. Like, it's shady. It's usually. Like, we don't know. We don't know all the instances.

We don't know all the details. I always want to know about their family. I'm always like, wait a second. Is your family pure? Is this like a reaction to your family or to not know about your family? Crazy. Someone tweeted about the Try Guy that he had to release this, statement as if he was like a senator and it was like he's just a random youtube personality who cheated on his wife but he releases this statement yeah it's

just like i'm so sorry to everyone i've upset because he has fans who are like i named my kid after you and i'm gonna kill myself um this was someone's tweet that i'm gonna take but it but it is it is very strange. I think it's strange, too, if you've never even heard of the person beforehand and then you're wildly mad about them cheating. I don't understand. You didn't know who they were. Because, like, there's, you know, there's so many people on Twitter that didn't really know the Try Guy thing. But, like, tweeted all for two full days about it. And you're like, why do you even, like, you don't even know this person.

all for two full days about it. And you're like, why do you even, like, you don't even know this person. So what was he doing for you that you had morally needed to like, have him not cheat? Like you,

you didn't know he existed. I also think there's a degree, I think being an adult and being in, having been in a couple of relationships, there's a degree where I'm like, that overlap too, right? Yeah. That overlap.

Yeah. You don't know what people's relationships are. Like, cheating is, many times, cheating can be something because the relationship was a foul in other ways, was horrible in other ways. Like, there's this idea that, like, I just think you don't, there's someone who saw, you know, Tova and I post all these pictures on Instagram, and it's all nice and fun stuff. And someone said to me, sincerely, like, you guys seem like you never fight. And I was like, oh, you're a child. If you think that's true, if you think that we never fight, then you don't understand that human beings have challenges and struggles. And that's why sort of people break up and people go like, I don't understand.

I don't fight with my partner. Who's your partner right now? Doesn't exist. Exactly. That's why we don't find each other. Can you tell us about speaking of relationships and dating, the date

you went to Utah for, is that correct? Oh, God, no. I said at the beginning, I said, is there anything we should talk about maybe that was number one on my list i i i i don't know if this happens in the straight world but when my dms are full of things sometimes or when you put out little jokes i'm sure i'm sure i have just as many gay men in my DMs as you do, Sam. And so you meet people from all over, and there's digital levels to things. And so, yeah, I went to Salt Lake City for a date, and then they flaked on me. But that happens. I booked a show, too.

Oh, so you had a show. I made it like a, yeah. Don't act like the show came first and it was convenient. Listen, though, at least you had the show. You found the guy first. I fell in love. Not love. Then found who's headlining in

this area asked if i could open for him and then went out there i i i seek out impossible love to validate the myth of my own unlovability so i think i'm really creating my own flaws here did did you was this very self-aware is a real person like was it oh yeah yeah okay real yeah flaked and we were like yeah yeah yeah how how intense was the flirting that you thought you could because listen i've again it's like i've you know before before i even knew who tova was because once i did i never spoke to another woman again it's beautiful but like i you know you can talk with people online all day long and then like it's not there how i think i have to be so fucking sure oh yeah yeah that like

this person was that's why it became about the show more i was like i'm not gonna go out there just for you but like oh let me this could but then it ended up being more about the shows like it was a great experience i hadn't yet like sure for someone and did they ghost or did they flake they were just like oh i'm really busy this weekend. Or I'm like, I have like this thing. I'll never be in Utah again. I'll give you, I'll give you off air a different answer.

Oh. What I've learned, I think when people, people will flirt online and then when rubber events meets the road, you're never going to meet up or whatever. Some people are, it's a lot of talk in the DMs, Ims i think sure when you don't live in the same city

yeah i get that like i got like a guy in london i sexed with but i'll probably never meet in person i got a guy in paris i'll probably text till i die and we'll never meet up how intensive the text are you sending are you saying pics you. How intense are the texts? Are you sending pics? You send disappearing pics in the Instagram DM. But you could screenshot this. Am I wrong? Everyone's screenshotting at the moment they click on it. But Instagram tells you when you're screenshotting. I learned that.

Wait, do they really? Yeah. Not all, no. Yeah. Are you sure? Yeah. This is starting to feel like the crystal. The crystal.

We're like, are you sure? Listen, starting to feel like the crystal are you sure listen all my dms are do you want to grow your following by 25 000 people that is the only dms i got like you say yes because we could use some more followers for this goddamn package i mean that that crystal do you know this video we're talking about oh yeah yeah i mean if for those who don't know it uh no but i didn't know that. I assumed that, yeah, if you get a thing, you could just screenshot it. I didn't know that it automatically. It'll tell you. I have more like, the reason I go like, wait, that's true, is because like, you know, I tagged Bert Kreischer, not Bert Kreischer, Tom Segura and something.

And then he said like, he wrote back like, ha ha. And I screenshot it because I'm like, I'm going to send it to Tova. Be like, he laughed at my joke. Oh, you can screenshot the text. But if there's an, if someone sends an image,

really, and the image pops up and it's a disappearing image. If you screenshot that. Have you sent something and seen people screenshot it? The inverse. This London guy was,

we were sexting and he was sending me some real hot things and I screenshot. He's like, hey, would you do me a favor and not screenshot that?

And I was like, oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't realize. And I screenshot. He's like, hey, would you do me a favor and not screenshot that? And I was like, oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't realize. Oh, my God. Were you humiliated? No, it was just like a friendly reminder. I mean, it's hot to be like. Friendly reminder.

Can you delete that picture of my asshole? Did someone screenshot? Yes. Oh, my God. People know their angles now. Sorry. Let me tell you something. I've never sent a dick pic.

Really? You just smell those panties. Get the fuck out of here. Get the fuck out of here. Do you like an asshole pic? No, I have a bit, an old bit, about unsolicited butthole videos. I just don't find it sexy, like a whole opening and closing. But now, like a good, I'm an old fashioned.

They can be said about all of sex. I mean, it's all just holes opening and closing. But I enjoy a good butt pic now. Like a good, the best is like a real down low angle. Like when the camera's down here and you're seeing just like butt and then back and then face. It's a very good angle for everyone involved. I can't even imagine. I'll send you some.

How many, you said you've taken one dick pic in your life? I sent it to my wife. Can we put it on the Patreon? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You sent it to your wife early in the relationship? Or like, was it a dick pic? Or was it, knowing you, it was probably like, do you think this is something? What?

No, it was early. It was because think this is something? What? No, no, no, no, it was early. It was because remember, we got together and then, and then I was doing a show for like a while out in the Midwest. So Shakespeare. Uh, yeah. So did you do it in your crown?

Did you put, yeah, I did it in my crown. The King. There's a ludicrous song that I was really obsessed with in eighth grade. And it opens with, he, some girls like the King's penis is clean,

your highness. And he goes, thank you. King shit. And in eighth grade, it was like some girls like the king's penis is clean your highness and he goes thank you king shit and in eighth grade it was like that was porn yeah you know what i mean like just a woman being like the royal penis is clean your highness it was it was like a like an opening little skit for a ludicrous song and i think it was talking about what's that eddie murphy movie uh about the the prince or king from africa coming to america yeah coming to amer. Coming to America. Coming to America. Yeah. I think it's from that.

What's that movie about the big boat called the Titanic? What's the name of the movie? I think he was in a jacuzzi and a woman pops out and is like, the royal penis is clean, your highness. Oh, God. And as a kid, you're like, oh, I'd do anything for someone to touch my penis. I try not to play the dick pic game, though. But I think gay artists, they're all out there and they're floating around plenty.

But I'm not trying to. I'd rather lead with my personality. Sure. Sure. Well, that's why that guy. I feel like what any of like to like, I feel like because you guys are comedians, I feel like that just feels like a rest. It would just be in this day and age, like, well, like, I would just be very nervous about getting out there, you know?

I believe we did a sketch. We didn't do it. I wanted to be nude. I like, like, I like nudity in art. I find it. I find something. You're a very handsome man. But, like, but not even, like, like, like, I'm like, oh, if you're going to portray, like, a couple, a scene where they're in the room at night, I'm like, well, the truth of that scene involves a lot of nudity.

Yep, yep. You know? And very non-sexualized nudity. So I like. Oh, that's fine. But I do have a terrifying of like, I would say grower, not a shower, but I'm fine. But flaccid, I'm not like excited for people to see my right right right i'm not like wait a people get to do it in la you really wanted to be naked for it and

if the reaction wasn't such a filmed on on thing with people there uh a photographer you wanted that i think the hardest thing that's going to be is like one day i'll be naked on like film some somewhere or another and uh i think the thing i'll have to fight is that's going to be is like one day I'll be naked on like film somewhere or another. And I think the thing I'll have to fight is that like desire to be like fluffing myself up before the scene. Like to just be like, no, I wouldn't be fluffing myself up. I feel like gay men do that all the time. You're like fully erect and like, no, sir, you can't. No, no, no, no. You're pushing it down.

This is just flaccid. This is how it is. That's so funny. It's how how it is. That's so funny. It's how I was born. It's how I was born. In this scene, you're just taking a shower. There's no reason. Don't you wear a privacy pouch or something?

Yeah. It all gets covered. We're going to do an amp episode with an intimacy coordinator soon. Oh, wow. I feel like you're going to learn a lot. We've been learning. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, we have some sketches that I want to do. I'm going to have to bring her in to ask you, are you comfortable with this? I'm one of those guys where if it's something with that, if someone says to me during a sketch, is it okay if I... I'm like, whatever. That's me.

Gotcha. But you're cool. I'm cool, man. I'm not looking weirdo. That's me. That's me. I'm cool. I'm cool.

You call like a real actor? So, no. So, we didn't play the theme music, Russell. Yeah, we did. The downside. Yes, we did. Remember, you called him out for tweeting about not wanting to be here. And the tweet is better than what, it's more than what you quoted.

Sorry for not giving your tweet the do. I just think it did something interesting. Well, let's go on to our next segment. This has got to stop. This has got to stop. Oh, crap. You can think. You got one?

Yeah, I'll say one. I have to vague it up. Okay. I have to vague it up. Don't worry if you don't have one. I know that's what that reaction was. You're like, oh. There was this guy, Jack Jimmerman, and I were.

I was at a thing where people were giving speeches. Okay. A woman was in white. Shut the fuck up. I heard a speech where they were basically like, you know, we all, COVID was tough on everybody. But there was a good side to it. And it was because these two people were brought together and had time to like, we got to meet this. No, it was just something.

It was like, well, COVID allowed me and this person to get to know each other better and it was like this idea where i'm like okay just leave the covet part out because what you're saying is listen i know a million people died or so but it really helped your specific friend found love it was good that this specific friend of yours died of COVID because it allowed us to fall in love and I just think I don't think I think I've heard variations of this degree of where like you

have to like be like we all know this has been a wild year but one positive and it's like don't you don't have to I feel like this is for not even just this speech for concerts for stand up shows for people still saying that, that preface before whatever they're going to do. I'm like, what are you doing? Stop like that, that, that, like, that, like, you know, we've all been cooped up inside.

You're like, not for like over a year now. Stop saying that. Stop saying like, I did a podcast recently where the, recently where the host was like, so how's it been like getting back to like social situations? So you finally you're like a little weird. And I'm like, I'm like, what? We're going to be doing this for the next 10 years. We're going to be doing. You're going to be meeting people for the next 10 years that are still saying like, I just started blah, blah, blah.

And you're like, I next year. So I'll be like, first comedy show back. Let's see how good. And you're like, OK, you're not a like first comedy show back let's see how and you're like okay you're not a comedian um do you ever this gotta stop i it was i on my way here was thinking it's something about the the dms i feel like people in in my dms need to stop what do they do i don't know people are very weird okay we just had a really viral... Parasocial thing. Oh, yeah. We had a really viral reel.

So you've got a lot of DMs from that, I assume. Yeah. Which are all like, yeah. Okay, I'll go back. So my DM complaint, I think, for me is like, I get some people who write me long passages of things, and it gets to a point where I was polite for a long time, but now I just like it sometimes.

And then now I get to a point where I don't like it. And I feel this anxiety. I'm like, they're sending me novels and I'm not even reading it at this point. And I'm like,

I don't know what to say to this person, but I don't have time to like be reading this thing. So I feel, I feel a guilt. I feel that too. And it's very weird

because you want fans. You want fans. And that's the goal. people are cool and fascinating and I normally would be interested in it, but then it's like weird because you want fans. You want fans. That's the goal. People are cool and fascinating. And I normally would be interested. But then it's like the 1% is unwell. And you can't give the wrong person too much love. Or suddenly for the next decade, two decades, I'm going to be like fake laughing along with your joke.

But the hard thing is maybe I'll meet a lover or like a best friend in there. But just because of the dynamic, it's not going to happen in the dms i think you got to let go of this idea that you're going to find anything out of this dms but another like on a reel oh i i i did i really romantic you have this hope that you'll some meet someone in a dm i did a recent i posted um like would anyone like to go on a date and an Instagram poll, yes or no? And then I looked through all the yeses, and it was great. Yeah. I set up some dates. See?

I had some relationships. Went on some bad dates. Went on a three-way that wasn't one, being a zero. I thought I was going to a three-way, and it wasn't. Did they have sex? We just had dinner and drinks, and I asked what the vibe was, and they were like, we was going to a three-way and it wasn't did they have sex and you what happened we just had dinner and drinks and i asked what's the vibe was and they were like we're going to bed and i was like well you said yes on the date poll i thought you were inviting me over for a date yeah oh i'm still figuring them i think i think we're just friends but i'd like to kiss them

because they're pretty oh that is i gotta i gotta 100 say that if i put that on my instagram every person that would click yes would be someone i would not want to go on a date with 100 fair enough it's maybe one in there that would be a surprise and you did put it you put it on your close friends did tova see that no she's not uh i um and russell what's your this has got to stop? I said, remember, I said I didn't have one. That has to stop. You need to come with a stop. This has got to stop that we don't do these on these days. And you need to tell me when I need to be prepared.

You're calling me about a different segment. So we're pitching, I think, Russell. We're going to do like a Russell's Corner type thing. It has to about a different segment. So we're pitching, I think, Russell. We're going to do like a Russell's Corner type thing. It has to be a different name. It's got to be a different name because that's from Anthony Justin's podcast. But I think like a Russell doing like a little segment, a new segment or some kind of question or some kind of anything. It could be an email you got. It could be something personal about your wife.

It could be anything. Okay, great. Or that the perfect example we wanted to do this one we'll do it someday of like if someone regardless of all the things that they may have done if you could uncancel them and they could be back like who would you jerry for subway who would you remember sure it could be jared from subway he did a lot of good in his day um If all those kids had to be so that Jared could, it was worth it. So we're going to have that next time. I'm very excited to see what you have cooked up, Russell. And let's go on to our final segment. You better count your blessing.

You better count your blessing Do you got a blessing for us? I do I got to see two old friends this weekend They came to visit And I had so much fun with them You know, sometimes you get nervous When someone you've been friends with for a long time

It can sometimes be like, are we gonna And I've always had fun with them But you know what I mean You see them in brief stints uh it was a longer extended period and i had just so much fun and so many good conversations with them and uh so shout out to bernie and jordan oh two good brothers uh when did you how far back are we talking uh middle school yeah middle school yeah it's it's always i I see my old middle school friend, Kevin,

and we always go through like all the girls we had on Crushes On, we kind of go through what are they doing now? Yeah. And then like that list gets like small, like as you get older, it's like they're married,

married, dead. And then like that, that conversation becomes shorter and shorter the older we get. Yes. Who gives a fuck? Yeah.

And then like sometimes when we're really vibing, we get into that where you start talking yeah and then other times it's just like we're out we're done let's old stories about our old english teacher in fifth grade i guess yeah but it was a good mix of like you know you there's some nostalgia stuff that you like kind of like do or like you know fun gossipy updates from about people but then it was like it was a good amount of like new experiences kind of like hearing what they're doing and and and they were and they were you know they hadn't been in the city in a long time so it's exciting to like go out in the city with them and you know have fun went to a concert uh

so you tell them to listen to the podcast they do listen uh which is probably reason i'm shouting they're the two viewers. There was one time I mentioned a story on here that I didn't think they would hear and they texted me the next day being like, and I was like, oh, okay. So I'm shouting them out because I know they listen sometimes. And now they probably won't listen to this.

It's buried in a deep episode. But we'll see. My blessing is it's specific, but first general, again, my girlfriend, Tova. May her memory be a blessing. Those panties, it was not. It was the laundry person. I'm going to talk to them tomorrow. I'm going to say, you guys guys you guys really fucked up my friday

wait they should start charging a fee maybe they do this when you're don't tip oh i tip very well actually i tip the laundry person very well i will say yeah uh uh no one else but i also uh tova she she uh she was a bridesmaid at this wedding and she looked gorgeous aww she looked gorgeous and she you know

I helped apply the self tanner thing to her back with a special glove I think I did a nice job evening out the shoulders yeah but

she looked fantastic and I know that she's gonna meet someone special one day sounds like brides bridesmaid stuff sounds very stressful. You all get the same kind of dress and you go

to tailor and all these things and she just looks very beautiful and I was very proud to be in the audience waving to her. You were waving during the ceremony? Yeah, I really took all the focus away. If anyone objects, why do you think this is the blessing?

I have a lot to apologize for. Tova's also my blessing. I should shout out Tova as well. I don't know if you should be shouting out her looks. That feels a little... Oh, no, I wasn't shouting out her looks.

I'm saying she's my manager now, which is very exciting. Oh, wait, that was the thing. Oh, that's awesome. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Very exciting. She signs everyone who does the pot.

That's so good. You want to get in with that's great she signs everyone who does the pot that's so good you want to get in with Tova you got to be on the pot do you have a blessing for us my blessing my blessing is

Tova's tits I think those they're rocking they're rocking I was going to say the rain you like the rain no I hate the rain

but I do think the world I'm grateful for it because it does help whatever i don't know this the ecosystem i don't i'm trying to trick myself here in new york i feel like there's probably some you're right that we don't need dying of thirst that probably needs it but yours inspired me better to i had a group trip with some friends this weekend it was yeah like i've known them 16 years and just felt like good. It was very restorative just to be with

people who get you. Yeah. And like, have new experiences, old memories, fight a little. Yeah. Like a friend,

like family. Oh yeah. We just went on a trip together. Yeah. Yeah. We did. There was some fighting. There was some fighting.

That means your family. There was a lot. That's beautiful. We can talk about it on the next episode. We did have stuff. Yeah. There was a fighting. That means your family. There was a lot. That's beautiful. We can talk about it on the next episode. We did have stuff. Yeah. There was a disastrous voiceover audition that I really liked.

Oh, well, we don't have to get into that. On who's half. That was... Who bombed. It's a long story. Did you book? And then I thought Russell was mad at me. I still think you're mad at me.

I'm not mad at you. You were in the wrong, and I told you you were in the wrong. I was not in the wrong. I was put into an impossible situation. Let's just say we can't get into it right now. We can't get not in the wrong. I was put into an impossible situation. I can't get into it right now. I can't get into it right now. I was put into an impossible situation.

Okay, I'm just saying. I just wanted to, you know. Are you mad at me? It wasn't even about me. I was, but I'm not mad at you. Tova's been working here. She has an office. She's in the building?

No, she just sometimes works here now that we're moving in together. And I have a thing and I told Russell I felt the same way I think like when she's here and she's working

I feel like she's ignoring me and she's mad at me and it was the same feeling I had with like where Russell

we'd be at this Airbnb and you'd be on your laptop and you literally you wouldn't talk to me for hours at a time I empathize with this i was literally working both i was doing some self-types and i was also working so then

you kept being like you were like i was very sweet you were like i feel like i need a friend and i'm like we're all friends we're literally just working like so i didn't know that you were that like i didn't know you had that insecure we experienced no it is it's anxious we experienced silence as something's wrong i didn't know that you needed more from me i'll say no it is it's anxious we experience silence as something's wrong i didn't know that you needed more from me i'll say it that way it's a little more positive right yeah yeah i didn't know you need i didn't know no i didn't know this is you i'm you i didn't know that i should be giving more okay okay that's what i'd like to um all right so this episode is coming out october 18th Is there anything you want to plug?

What day of the week is that? It's a Tuesday. Next Tuesday? No, week after. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For the listeners, it's today. For the listeners. Well, what should I say?

Oh, my book. I wrote a book. You can pre-order it now. Is it hot in here or am I suffering for all eternity for the sins I committed on earth? Say it one more time. A little bit? Oh, my book. I wrote a book. You can pre-order it now. Is It Hot in Here? Or Am I Suffering for All Eternity for the Sins I Committed on Earth? Say it one more time. A little bit more. For the search. For the search.

Search it. My name's Zach Zimmerman. The book's called Is It Hot in Here? Or Am I Suffering? You didn't have to say her name. It's going to be in the title. Let him just say the whole thing. Teeth with Zach Zimmerman.

Is It Hot in Here? Just Google Zach Zimmerman book. It's also going to be in the link of the show notes. We're going to do our due diligence. Pre-order it. Yes, yes. If you liked what you heard here and you want to just see it regurgitated on pages,

pay money for it. That's true. Also, TikTok, Instagram. I'm rereading it now because it got delayed because of some design issues. So I'm having to reproof it. What were the design issues? The font was too big.

It was so weird. It arrived and the font was gigantic. I have many. Like comically? Comically. I have thousands of copies of it with big font to give away. Wait. Like it was a printing error.

It was. Yes. I don't know who to point the finger quite at. We kind of. It looked fine on the page. Wait, like it was a printing error? It was, yes. I don't know who to point the finger quite at. We kind of, it looked fine on the page, on the screen. But once we had one in our hands, like the book itself was big, like six by nine. And the font was big. So it just felt very big and a lot of white space. But did you have to pay for all this? No, they were eating it.

The publisher didn't want to put it forward that way. Is it something you could sell as merch and make the money? We're hoping it has a first edition vibe. But now we just have... I'm going to give them to a gay senior center, some of them. Because it's easy for...

But I'm having to reread the book. And it's good. I need to sell my book better. Good, good, good. It's great. I'm rereading it, and book and I it's, it's, it's good. I need to sell my book better. It's great. I'm rereading it, but, and all I notice are flaws. Like,

sure. This could be so much better, but it's, I'm very proud of it. And I think, do you think your parents will read it? I sent a copy to my mom because there's some stuff that I wanted to get in front of and she's working her way through it.

And I, surprisingly, I talk about finding their like sex pamphlets as a kid. And she's surprisingly fine with that. She's like, like i'm happy about i'm proud of our sex life okay sorry real quick can you just tell us what's the sex pamphlet there were like these uh like paycheck they looked like paychecks they were little pamphlets i found up to spice up their sex life so like there were a couple hundred or a couple tens of twenties of them like how to shave your pussy how to do this with a partner have those no we need to get them especially

oh man baby i got you something this is one of those episodes i'm like you can skip this one it wasn't a good episode baby but zach was on it i love that uh what was it all self-grooming was it also like here's how you do that's the only one i looked at i assume the others were other stuff the main one i saw was it like was arrows like oh yeah yeah i read a lot about the pussy but she was fine with that yeah but i'm a little worried my dad doesn't like the spotlight as much as she does yes and so i was like hey heads up i don't like name you your face isn't in it but i do talk about his religious experience and kind of our trauma and family stuff so i don't think he'll read it um that'd be funny if god came back and that's what god told him like here's how you shave the pussy up and down uh do you have anything to plug this coming up October 18th? Uncle Function at New York Comedy Fest Sunday, November 13th, Asylum NYC.

Right? Yeah. Can I show you what you did with the mic just now? Can I just record it for you? No, no, no, no. That's love. So, Uncle Function is at November 18th and we're going to... Uncle Function, New York Comedy Fest,

Sunday, November 13th at Asylum NYC. And the same day, earlier in the night, you can catch us at... Sesh Comedy Club, live podcast recording, 6 to 7.30. Dahlia said no, but we're gonna get a big guest. Don't you worry. And for me, here we go.

I'm going to be at Edmonton, Canada. I don't know if anyone there listens, but I'm going to be there fucking Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Edmonton. And then I'm going to be in Comedy Arena, which is in McKinney, Texas. It's near Dallas, October 28th and 29th, and then October 30th and November 6th. It's the silver lining at Sesh Comedy Club. We've sold out the last two shows. They're $10 tickets.

Link is in the bio. Again, that's October 30th and November 6th. Sesh Comedy Club, you get to see me kind of do an hour with two guests in between. We'll have you on someday. It's a great show. I was on your first one. You were on my first one'll have you on someday. It's a great show. I was on your first one. You were on my first one. It's an honor.

It's a great show. Someone canceled on me last minute yesterday. And I took it really personally. Tova saw me have a very special kind of meltdown. Can you tell me after who was? Yeah, it's not going to be particularly exciting. But I'll tell you. I'm telling everybody.

No, no, no no it's fine you need a downside behind the scenes the downside untucked where it's like extra and just remember that if you ever hear God's voice something's wrong with you

because even if God had a voice why the fuck would he talk to human beings? In English. John Marco. This is the downside. Shut the fuck up.