The Downside with Gianmarco Soresi - #107 Did I Hug Solomon Georgio Too Soon?

Episode Date: October 25, 2022

Solomon Georgio shares the downsides of internal hemorrhoids, financially supporting your parents, waiting too long to say I love you, eating bacon for the first time as an adult, and why restaurants should just seat you even when you’re whole party isn’t there.  You can watch full video of this episode HERE! Join the Patreon for ad-free episodes, exclusive content, and MORE. Listen to our live weekly show on AMP, every Tuesday at 4 PM ET. Follow Solomon Georgio on Twitter & Instagram Listen to Solomon's podcast: The Juice Follow Gianmarco Soresi on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, & YouTube Subscribe to Gianmarco Soresi's email & texting lists Check out Gianmarco Soresi's bi-monthly show in NYC Get tickets to see Gianmarco Soresi in a city near you Watch Gianmarco Soresi's special "Shelf Life" on Amazon Follow Russell Daniels on Twitter & Instagram E-mail the show at [e-mail] Produced by Paige Asachika & Gianmarco Soresi Video edited by Spencer Sileo Special Thanks Tovah Silbermann Part of the Authentic Podcast Network Original music by Douglas Goodhart Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

One, two, three! Downside! Downside! You're listening to The Downside. The Downside. With Gianmarco Cerezi. We met at JFL. And I went for a hug and I felt, in that moment I said,

I shouldn't have gone for the hug, that was too forward. No, no, because you should have gone for the hug. Okay. Here's the thing. I immediately was like, Gianmarco, you fool the hug um here's the thing i immediately was like joe marco you fool no that's the right thing here's the thing i will hug you from here on out uh it's the first one usually the weird one for me really i don't know why so i was right i said because i i usually don't mind going for a hug it's just i i'm apprehensive and that makes other

people feel weird because i don't mind hugging the first time. Me neither. See, you were the right amount of forward, because that's the amount of forward I wanted to be. But I also love, if there's any awkwardness in the air, I don't correct it. Good. I think there's a lot of people in this world that think terrible things of them, because I'm unwilling to change the awkwardness into space. Sure. I had a Greek voice teacher.

She was a hugger. And I like hugging, too. I think as a tall man in a post-MeToo world, I feel more, like, hesitant to just... My voice teacher, she was like, I hug. And if you said no, she'd be like, I don't care. And I remember just being like okay i guess so i liked that about her yes which i know is not everyone's cup of tea i'm a physical guy but now i feel uh very cautious and i probably with men go for the hug quicker i

i'm i don't know what to say i like i i'm iger, but I do have apprehension with meeting new people. I think I'm of the age where talking online doesn't equal as much. Yes. There's less value to me. I have to know you in person before I can quantify you as something that can, have we passed a certain threshold? I'm still one of those people, if you didn't say anything, I would to know you in person before I can quantify you as something that can, like, have we passed a certain threshold?

I'm still one of those people, if you didn't say anything, I would have said nothing. Great. Good. If you were like, we never met, I would be like, you know what? That's fair. Well, this is the downside. Welcome for those new time listeners. I'd be surprised.

But maybe. Here we talk about negatives. We celebrate the downsides we complain we kvetch we don't give a shit if you're a fan check us out on Patreon

patreon.com slash downside I am here at Third Wheel Podcast Studio a podcast studio that has had so many locations you cannot put it

into Google Maps without checking it at least three times but I'm very happy you made it thank you for being here so much it gave me an adventure also much closer to my house uh this place yes yes the new location

but you know what i got to discover parts of this city that i've already seen well we're here with uh comedian writer solomon georgio yes i i have to share before we talk about you i had a i i've taken a lot of Ubers here. I can't drive. Yeah. I have a license. Don't know how. Look, I know.

In New York, I've heard it. But it's not because of that. It's not because of that? People think that and I let them think that. Oh. But it's because I suck. I had girlfriends in high school who drove. I got my license.

I knew how to drive to school and back. That was it. Yeah, you should lead with a lie. You should have just said New York. I would have been, I have so much respect

for you that's just dwindling. With two high school girlfriends, one who I loved, she broke up with me and then I needed her to give me a ride

back home. And the second, wisely, did it on the way to my dad's house and like i remember getting to the stop sign right before and she said we need to talk right at the stop sign and it was like very beautiful metaphors in general of like it's about to stop see i think the correct thing to do is make you walk home i think that's short dc to potomac that would be a long walk oh that's that's a – wow. I would have cried the whole way.

I would have made you do it. If it was me, I'm a monster. But I took an Uber, and I don't complain about this stuff normally. Yeah. The smell of this Uber. And it was a 50. I was going to – Kevin Hart's – it was Earthquake has a show on SiriusXM. By the way, more nervous to do this show than I have been for anything.

It's me, Earthquake, like four other of his friends. And they had vodka there. And I'm not a drinker, but I was like, give me this vodka. I would have done that. For the first 10 minutes, you've done groups, shows. Yes. For the first 10 minutes, I didn't say a word and there's this thought of like am i going to be here silent the whole two hours and he made clear at the beginning

he said people if you don't like our guest call in and tell us not to have him back they made a lot of jokes about it and then finally they made some reference like oh white guy what's your opinion on this and i was like i'm in i have a i now have a character i'm i'm oh, white guy, what's your opinion on this? And I was like, I'm in. I now have a character. I'm the white guy here. And I'll play it up. And it worked. It worked out?

I think so. He said, we'll have you back. I'll listen. We'll see. We'll listen. We'll see. I've heard a few I've had you backs in my life. So this Uber, I mean, it was a 50 minute uber there i have never i have never if i wasn't

worried about being there in time i think i would have gotten out i don't know how i would have but it was that it was it was unbearable was it like smell like hello oh b.o like like oh like b.o that had and i was i was just shocked that he i guess you don't know when you're in it, but he must have been driving for 72 hours. This was the B.O. Probably, yeah. And what are you doing? Would you have said something? About his B.O.?

No, I'd have gotten out of the car. You'd have gotten out? As somebody who's been terminally late to many things and will continue to be so no matter, like, whether or not it's intentional or unintentional, I will always choose. Even knowing that you might have to deal with Uber getting the money back? Because we're talking, it was a $45 ride. Yeah. Look, everyone would be disappointed, including me. But, yeah, I've learned that if it makes me uncomfortable for an unbearable amount of time,

I no longer allow myself to do it. But I am 40 years old. Sure, I'm 34, so I think I'll get there eventually. Yeah, I think if I was 34 years old, he would have stayed the whole time. He would also have been like, if I got him on the way back, I'd be like, I guess this is the way it is. Well, hopefully 40-year-old me knows how to drive or can afford a driver. I hope you just, I know, knowing that I didn't own a car until like three years, three, four years ago. And I didn't drive a car for 16 years.

What age did you learn how to drive? I learned to drive when I was young. Really? I just, I had so many, so many cars get, like it was just, driving was such a terrible experience when I was younger. And now I have enough rage to maintain the ability. Do you get, I know I'd have road rage. Oh, yeah. I don't do anything.

I definitely want the person that, like, I will lay on the horn for so long until you understand that you wronged me. And then I'll let it go are you are you ready to to fight if it happens at any point in time i'm ready to fight really no for no good reason there's no i don't need to fight these people it's just la is filled with such absurdly bad decisions and i'm a very defensive driver so i'm very like my driving is all reactionary because i'm afraid of every driver here. So I only honk my horn because somebody is making the dumbest mistake of their life. Sure.

And it's usually like, oh, you want to churn right, but you're all the way on the other side. You're on the left lane. So now you have to, and I think there's, like, the last person I laid the horn on, I was, like, in the middle trying to churn left. This guy, all the way on the left side needs to go on the on the far right lane to turn right and he decides i'll just get right in front of you and prevent you from turning left in front of this green light until i get a chance to move a little forward i'm like oh so fuck me sure most of our listeners in new york they don't understand anything that you just said but i i followed yeah from my uber ride today people are so disrespectful here uh i think i don't i know who said it it was a fucking great

joke uh but it was like everybody here drives like they just lost the part uh and i'm i feel terrible because i've i've been saying this on repeat multiple times i don't remember who initially said it but that's great it's a very it's exactly if i did stand up like if i'd come up in la i think i'd like, I already have too many actor jokes. But like if I was in LA, I could see just so many. Just to be in a place where everyone would understand my references. It would, like I did a show, I did Chocolate Sunday last night at Laugh Factory. And it was like, you know, a heavily black audience.

And like I was talking about harlem and it was just amazing certain nuances of things that just wouldn't play any other place unless i was in harlem or like doing a show where the majority of the audience was black and it was like for me it would be like that in la majority of actor audiences oh they don't laugh they're the worst kind of audience uh that's what i feel it is they a lot of actors when they come to the audience usually are there because they have the idea that maybe this is the way for them to get better at acting is through stand-up comedy and on i'm gonna be i'm gonna tell you right now uh stand-up comedy doesn't make you better at anything else but stand-up comedy like you can like if you don't have those skill sets beforehand they don't get

sharper because you focus way more on stand-up comedy than you do on anything else. Of course. If your goal is to get better at something through stand-up, don't. You only get better at stand-up through stand-up. I agree. I talk a lot of shit about LA stand-up comedy.

I made a joke. Caleb Huron came to he was in New York. He was at Stand Up New York. And he asked me where the green room was. Yeah. And I laughed. And I said, the first time an LA comic's ever made me laugh was him asking that. But he's a Chicago comic deep down.

Did you start Stand Up Here? No, good God, no. I started in Seattle. Oh, in Seattle. Great scene. Yeah. It was sort of like the birth of the good God, no. I started in Seattle. Oh, in Seattle. Great scene. Yeah, it was sort of like the birth of the alt scene was happening at the time in Seattle. I started in like 2007, last year of George Bush.

Great time to be a gay black comic. Highly recommend it if you get a chance. But no, it was like, it was a fucking amazing scene. And it was like, it was, yeah, there's plenty of stage time because it's, it was like where everyone's like sort of figuring out how to do the different spaces that weren't comedy clubs. Sure. But I still went to the comedy club twice a week for the open mic. What was the club there?

It's the Seattle Comedy Underground. And we also had two competitions that I... There was a Seattle National Comedy Competition, the San Francisco Comedy Competition, where everyone fucking went through, through that fucking process of, of performing in the worst fucking places in the world possible to possibly be a finalist and barely make any money. Do you look at that as a healthier stand-up time?

I started, like, really just in 2016. And I started in New York at a shitty club. I didn't come up in any scene other than New York, which is like, it's not the same as a smaller scene. It's all relative.

It's really, it depends on the kind of comic you want to be. Because you can move to any of the cities and gain the skill set you can from that city over time. So it's really, it depends on the kind of comedy you want to do. So for me, Seattle was a great comedy audience because I was very much a storyteller. I had certain absurd and a lot of social commentary. So it was kind of, it was a perfect scene for me to start in because it wasn't there's my audience was there for that sure um so and i then but also

like i i wanted to be i wanted i didn't want to be disrespected as a comedian at the time because so you definitely had to do the road shows and do those gigs and eat shit for 45 minutes yeah that's the best that's where you grow yeah yeah i did but i i was i was just thinking about la audiences i did the little room i headlined a little room at the hollywood improv first show was tough dark the dark jokes just was silent yeah and then the second show adam sandler bumped my feature and so i think it got them going a little bit. But I talked to Adam where I think Adam was very sweet. But he talked to me as if I were like a newbie comic. As if I was like going to just be bowled over.

So I was like, hi. I was like, hi, Adam. My name is DeMarco. This is my show. And he was like, wow, that's really cool. That's really cool. And then I stupidly was like, you know my my mom's here or something because i was talking about just like you my mom moved here so that's why i'm doing this show i got

these people here and he was like that's really great your mom came out and i was like i'm 34 please stop talking to me like this well if you if you if somebody told me my mom's here and i at their show i'd also be like okay kid the first thing he did he went on stage i i i don't really give a shit anymore but i remember the old days when i had like my first headlining show i tell the host like please don't reveal that my mom's here because i say horrible things about her just horrible mean one-liners and uh the the host accidentally heard off you know for the green room like oh what do you do for work and she was like i'm a pilates teacher and i was like fuck that's my mom but my mom knew my mom knew not to say it but adam goes up and goes like hell thanks for letting me do this i know the headliner is a big show for him his mom's here tonight and i was like god damn it adam what is this you can see it

wasn't that dark i'm an old man um you do look young for older people yes well that was there was a compliment and then it became you look young for older people sure well you look young for older people 34 right like so yeah i would have said i would have given you your 20s if i was thank you yeah that's why i keep telling my agent yeah um i recently had an interview if you had interviews where i'm trying to avoid this where they listen to your stand-up comedy and the questions are pipelined from the stand-up like I had someone like if I were to do it to you I'd say

so your grandfather's name was Mustafa Rigatoni and like that would be the question you'd have to be like no that was a joke oh yeah and it's also like especially as the bits get older you're just like you first of all you have to remember that you said that as a joke so that's

what i've said like i've had interview questions where somebody like references a joke usually from like 2015 and i'm like oh why would you ask me that question i'm like that's oh that's the thing i said out loud that i because it's like a joke that I don't do that joke anymore. It's been televised. It's been circulated. I also change. I fuse my father and stepfather into one character because I can't break down the whole thing every time. And I don't know how to balance it because people ask.

And it's so lame to just be like, oh, that wasn't true. Yeah, I tend to. It's been a while since I've allowed anybody to interview me in that capacity uh sure like a lot of things like usually the what i do now is like podcasts and everybody tends to know each other uh so i don't know that's the better way yeah i i'm trying my last interview and it's been like it was when i was when i was doing jfl was when i was getting those those kind of questions where they kept bringing up my bits. And I'm just like, I hate this. Yeah.

So you moved to America from where? My family's Ethiopian, but I was born in Sudan. And we came to the States in like 1985. Okay. So how old were you then? I was four. You're four. Yeah.

Do you remember the Sudan? Not really. Not particularly. It's just just very my strongest memory is coming to america and uh them giving me strawberry yogurt and it was the first time i ever had like uh flavored yogurt uh what was it when the sedan was just it was like just in general my mom would just give us plain yogurt so when i had strawberry yogurt for the first time, being four years old and just being like, this is the greatest thing I've ever had. And I'm very excited

for the source of this. That's good. So yeah, that was my, but eventually we learned more about America and it turned out not to be as great. Strawberry yogurt is not as plentiful. It's too sweet for me. It's also too much sugar.

There's an absurd amount of sugar in strawberry yogurt. It's too sweet for me it's also too much sugar there's an absurd amount of sugar in strawberry yogurt it's too sweet for you I once I cut sugar out of coffee everything became too sweet for me thank God I would never cut sugar out of coffee

oh it changed it changed everything like just the bar maybe getting older I like a little more bitter I'm not at black coffee yet I keep trying

I can't I have to put. I like a little more bitter. I'm not a black coffee yet. I keep trying. I can't. I have to put... I do sugar-free vanilla syrup. So there's no sugar in it, but it's still sweet. I cannot sacrifice the concept of a sweet thing. When I was a kid, I had Quick. Did you have Quick? Yes.

Before Nesquik, Quick. Nesquik was just Quick. Yeah, until it was bought by Nestle. I think Quick was its own thing. And then Nestle bought it and it became Nesquik. Nesquik, yeah. But Quick, that was my strawberry yogurt. Strawberry Quick.

Ooh, strawberry Quick. That had to have been a deadly amount of sugar. I couldn't imagine drinking strawberry milk at all. Strawberry and chocolate milk were such a staple of my childhood. I do not ever want either of those things in my belly ever again. Were you drinking it out of the carton or the powder? The little fucking, oh, the powder, we had the powder. And we also, at school, we had the cartons.

But, yeah, I would drink strawberry milk regularly on such a daily basis. I would give it a shot now. I don't think I would. As, like, a dessert, a little aperitif? Is that the word for it? I don't really, yeah. Dairy and me,

our relationship has, that's very vengeful. It really tries to take me out. Lactose intolerant? It's like I can handle it. It's not like, it's not as urgent as most lactose intolerant people are.

I'm not like shitting forever and a half. Uh-huh. But it is, it is gassy and it is, It's not as urgent as most lactose intolerant people are. I'm not like shitting forever and a half. But it is gassy and it's the worst version of me is what it does. You've talked about your hemorrhoids. Oh, happily, many times. I've actually had internal hemorrhoid surgery. I've had them removed. Worst.

Okay, so let me just understand what hemorrhoids are they are i know they're on let me let me see if i can define it if i if i was pretending to teach a class hemorrhoids are uh growths on your anus close well hemorrhoid so that you actually we all have hemorrhoidal tissue which is that sensitive like tissue leading up to your like ends like around your butt and into your so that's that's that's a hemorrhoidal tissue. And it's the polyps that grow there. That's what we consider hemorrhoids. But, yeah, it can be, it's hereditary for my part because I've had them since I was, like, nine years old.

Nine? But they can be caused from, like, strain, stress, dehydration. What is in the polyp? Is it just a swelling? It's a swelling. It's a swelling. It's a swelling and an irritation. And they can be external, so they can be around the whole...

Is that a size? Yes. How big is a hemorrhoid? They can vary. Ooh, they can vary. They can. But are they usually average hemorrhoid? Average hemorrhoid?

A dime? When external, I'd say like a dime like maybe smaller than that uh i have i had internal ones which were vast and huge uh and they had to be removed and they had to staple them to get them removed now so you said this was hereditary yes mom or dad my father and he didn't he didn't tell nobody let me tell you meaning i wouldn't either all i knew is i think when i was a kid the extent of my parents telling me about this was and he didn't tell nobody. Let me tell you, I wouldn't either. All I knew is I think when I was a kid, the extent of my parents telling me about this was like, you know,

probably when I had like a Game Boy and I would just sit on the toilet playing. They'd be like, you can't just sit there because the air would dry and create hemorrhoids. That's my only understanding of it. And every once in a while,

I'll be, you know, taking shit and I'm like, I should get up from this spot. You shouldn't strain that hard. You shouldn't it and every once in a while i'll be you know taking shit and i'm like i should i should get up you shouldn't strain that hard you shouldn't push that hard as a matter of fact when if you sit there for a long time you should really consider uh like stool softener uh anything to make it anything to make the process about under five minutes is best for you what about this do you do the squatty potty oh i have the squatty potty i have bidet i have i have my my my wife's ready to go like a day separate from the toilet or built him uh separate

i got one of the little mr tushy thingies uh and it's yeah it's i have done everything possible like i take my fiber i take my stool softeners because it was truly miserable uh because it was yeah like because i remember because I got them removed. It's a surgery that I had to get done. And they didn't tell me. They should have told me I should have been on a liquid diet. But they didn't. So I was eating solid food with a butt that was sealed shut.

And on opiates, which is also, like, opiates give you constipation. Wait, your butt was sealed shut? Well, it wasn't sealed shut. It was just, like, it had, like, like it had like – everything was – the surgery occurred. So everything was swollen and just needed to heal. Yeah. And I should have been on a liquid diet, but I was eating solid foods. And so my body is like I have a solid poop that I want to take

and a tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny hole that won't let it come out. Were you just on the toilet screaming? Oh, just two weeks of screaming oh then i it was actually the whole the whole week of the election of uh 2020 i like literally like two days before uh the election i would i got the surgery and then after the two weeks the day i finally pooped was the day that the election was called for joe biden and i was at a friend's house and they were throwing a party and i pooped in her toilet for the first time in two weeks and was that was that the screaming was done at that point that's the one screen oh it was

i was so it was the most relief i've ever felt in my entire life and it just happened to be that same day now that kind of surgery did you have to go on your stomach when they knocked you out? Oh, I think it was like laying on my side. I don't know. I was, yeah, I was. I've only had one major surgery. And the second one is, it was so terrifying. And now I know what to expect.

I think it will be worse. Well, I think I'm going to be fine now. And I also now know that if you do opiates are a constant gives you constipation be like if any i think every surgery people should warn you just go on a liquid diet for three days stick to yogurt stick to applesauce and jello and try not and just send soups and broths and then until i say i like i'd wait a week to eat solid foods so you can be nice to your to anything that because constipation is the worst i hate it so much and yeah i don't think i've had when i was

a kid i had constipation at one point i went to i had a friend it was a cool kid at school i went to his house and for some reason i had to take a shit that This is like second grade. Went to the bathroom. Nothing was coming out. And I didn't, I wasn't familiar with what that meant. So I just stayed on the toilet for two hours. And to the point where my friend, his name was William, not my friend.

I wanted him to be my friend. It was like sitting outside the door and we were talking. And then the mom's like, do you want to go home? Do you want to come out? And we'll go, we'll try again later. And I was like, I need to get picked up.

And I never hung out with that kid again. Yeah, my brother just moved in with me at the time because he went back to school and he came to stay with me. And this first week, the first two weeks of living in L.A. is just me screaming bloody murder. Just my butt in the air. And he's like, can I help you? I'm like, there's nothing you can do. And you're all, do you have to worry about them coming back? I mean, was this?

No, yeah, they'll easily come back. They can come back, they can come back worse. So the whole point of it is to make sure to take care of myself and be less stressed and not sit in the toilet too long. When people tell me be less stressed, I go, what's the second option then? Because the idea of not being stressed, to me, I'd have to change professions. There's no way. You're a stressed person?

No. No. I was. And then now I'm at such a place where I'm like, I don't let anyone get to me in that way. Really? where I'm like, I don't let anyone get to me in that way. Really? So there's nothing that truly upsets me.

And anything that seems like that's probably, my comedy probably took a hit for that. But I, yeah, I tend not to, I don't obsess over things as much as I used to. And I'm a calmer person. I can't tell if I'm envious or I'm like, I can't be that. I don't recommend it for anyone because it's a lot of apathy. Sure. And it's a lot of disappointing people that want to see you have an emotion.

But you know what? I'm okay with that. But I'm like, I do feel emotions. I do process them. people that want to see you have an emotion ah but you know what i'm okay with that but i'm i'm like i'm an emotion i do feel emotions i do process i just i'm much i'm much better at processing how i feel and and not uh not hold and not compartmentalizing them to later to the point that it makes me lose my mind is this therapy antidepressants um everything yeah i do it all you do it i even do yoga which is gross i love yoga i fucking do too i hate how much i love it do you do hot outside i just do videos online i have it's i

just do um and also i'm currently doing uh the the yoga instructor that i have uh the pelton op uh she's now pregnant so i'm doing pregnant yoga and I'm enjoying that it's very at ease there must be a lot of positions just taken out of the running right away she doesn't do as much in general but I just like her voice so much and that's essentially why I will keep doing it until she gets

and then you know I'm post postnatal yoga I'm looking forward to that I want our bodies to recover together I took a class with my girlfriend post postnatal uh yoga i'm looking forward to that what's that gonna be i want to i want i want our bodies to recover together i took a class with my girlfriend it was like a water aquatic class with like spin machines in a pool though and like like it was bicycles yeah bicycles in a pool wow and just it was fun and then i was like i need to go work out still it was fun. And then I was like, I need to go work out still. It was for like if I had been hit by a car, this would be my first step back to walking.

Well, I do regular working out. So yoga for me is sort of just like a form of relaxing than it is exercise. So I don't like doing any intense yoga. I like getting a little bit of flexibility but i'm not going to try to do a handstand i'm i like that i want to get my hands i don't i don't i don't want to be the bitch that fucking kills herself at 40 from learning how to do a handstand in my own home i got into break dancing in high school but it was before i had any athleticism or muscle and i'd go to these classes and they'd be like try to do i

forget what it was called but it was like handstand but you hang over so your like legs are hanging and I would try to do it in the backyard and I twisted my ankle immediately because I didn't have

any muscles I didn't know what I was trying to do I couldn't do it now we're six foot four we have so many like people talk about a center of gravity

and I don't think people seem to comprehend that the taller you are the more centers of gravity you have so it's not like like not like I think like short people can pull off gymnastics much easier than us because They have one point of focus and their center of gravity. I fall in pieces I don't fall in like one I fall in sections and everything hits hard on the way down

So it's not for me. It's just like it's such a it's a lose-lose situation if I fall once Yeah, I feel my height if I'm I fall once. Yeah. I feel my height. If I'm falling in a handstand, I feel my height. I go, I'm a big tree, and I'm about to damage myself. And it can be irreparable damage, too. I got thrown out my back from laying down too long. I can only imagine what it would be like if I fucked up my handstand. I get scared about lower back pain all the time.

Yeah. That's why I started doing yoga. So I'm not going to try to do anything that's gonna might cause it again but then my mom did yoga and she fucked up her hip and now she's like don't ever do yoga but she's a pilates teacher so she's also biased um which is almost it feels like it's like yoga but it's not yeah yeah but it's i don't know people say like pilates you couldn't have a whole workout in pilates and i'm like it's still 80 year olds's, I don't know, people say like Pilates, you can have a whole workout in Pilates. And I'm like, it's still 80-year-olds taking this. I don't see any football player being like, Pilates, that's all I do.

LeBron just doing Pilates and that's it. Yeah, for me, I just like being on a bicycle for a long time. Bicycle and treadmill, those are where I thrive. Anything that's like an endurance, I'm like, I can work out for an hour and a half if it's just me doing cardio my girlfriend and a friend want to do tough mudder which is like obstacle courses that's that's but it's fun but I know that's how I break my leg and all of a sudden I'm the guy in the scooter with the knee in the scooter and I've always said if that happens to me I'm not staying in New York

for that because I see the people trying to make've always said if that happens to me, I'm not staying in New York for that because I see the people trying to make New York work with that. And it's not a friendly place. Yeah, it is not. It's like you have to look. If a whole city could be ableist, it'd be called New York. It is. It is.

It is. I have never, I don't think anyone who's ever knew how to build a matching set of stairs has ever lived in New York. Every third stair has to be two to three inches taller than the others, just to let you know where you are. Legally, I feel like all the

subway stops are supposed to have wheelchair accessibility, but there's no way. Some of them, they must be under the tracks. The amount of buildings that are just all walk-ups is insane. This episode is brought to you by A Real Pain. The amount of buildings that are just all walk-ups is insane. a hilarious and moving story about two mismatched cousins as they tour through Poland to honour their beloved grandmother. The adventure takes a turn when the pair's old tensions resurface against the backdrop of their family history. See A Real Pain only in theatres November 15th. What do Ontario dairy farmers bring to the table? A million little things, but most of all the

passion and care that goes into producing the local, high-quality milk we all love and enjoy every day. With 3,200 dairy farming families across Ontario sharing our love for milk, there's love in every glass. Dairy Farmers of Ontario, from our families to your table, everybody milk. Visit milk.org to learn more. So, you moved, where did you move when you moved to America? We first moved to St. Louis, Missouri, which is a garbage place. I'll be headlining there next year. Excited? I've headlined there multiple times. I've been back.

They have that fun place there, that park that everyone gets hurt at. Yeah. What is it called? It's a museum with a slide, right? Are you talking about? Yeah, there's slides and bars. I mean, I got hurt there as an adult, but it's like an old school park. Like the way kids used to be able to get hurt on monkey bars. I know what you're talking about.

I can't remember the name of it. I did a joke. Whatever it's called, like abortion had just been made illegal there or whatever. And I think the joke, it was like, you know, you can't get abortions, but if you want one, you can just take your kid to the ba-ba-ba. And everyone knew exactly what I meant. It's a violent, it's a cool park. It's like weird. They have fishes and circus.

I want to film a special there. So I like St. Louis. Well, I will not be filming a special there. I will be sticking, I don't know where I want to film my special. Me too. I'm trying to figure it out. I probably would choose Seattle because it'd be such a hometown return. But I'm in no rush to film

my next special. I'm taking my time with it. I'm very relaxed. I'm stressed. I've got to figure it out now. Because I have the benefit of writing. Yeah. I have the benefit of a very lucrative career to support uh my dream of comedy is stand up comedy your first love stand up comedy will always be my main love because it is sort of how

i've learned like writing is something that i was doing the whole time, but comedic writing, uh, and writing for my voice is like, as much as I enjoy writing for television there, it gets to the point where if I'm not on stage enough or performed in any way, shape or form, I'm so unhappy. And that's, that's when,

that's when not, that's when I do get stressed is when I don't allow myself to go on stage and perform. Yeah. And if I don't have a joke, when I don't allow myself to go on stage and perform. And if I don't have a joke, if I don't, like there's points and times where I haven't written a joke for myself for three months. And that's when I get pissed. Sure. That's the only time I ever get stressed and flustered.

I think about it now because there's a couple more things happening these days post-JFL. And every audition I look at now, I go like, I would have to cancel this weekend. I couldn't perform for this long. And I used to think after COVID happened, there was a degree of like I had to not do stand-up for four months. So I understand that it's possible. Yeah. And I can still be okay.

But it didn't change anything. Oh, no. Oh, doing those Zoom shows? That was pure hell. But I didn't. okay but it didn't change anything oh no like it's oh doing those zoom shows i could have that was that was pure hell that was but i didn't oh i didn't i didn't oh i didn't i i got to the point where i think i was like like there was a five month because there was that moment where you just you finish your set and you you just that was the hardest part that was but it's like but like for me it was like i felt like a talking head and they like and then luckily they were doing elements of it but like i think the second

we were able to do outdoor shows i was like that's where i know whatever i can do whatever is allowed legally but yeah that was no that was very hard that was not that was i need a reaction i need i like personally at the end of the day as much as like as big as I want to get as much as I want to do like a theater show and theater tour doing a small intimate space with an audience that's on board is always going to be the best yeah it's always going to be the for me like an audience of 50 people is going to be the preferred show because you can have an experience and you can test things out and it feels like it's probably the most i've ever feel like i can i can work on my material and i can feel it

developing and i can also yeah i i have a feeling where smaller spaces for me i i feel more prone to take a risk because i feel like i won't lose them the bigger the space the more i'm like if i don't if i lose them for too long that like a whole back chunk is going to vanish from me. Whereas if they're right here, they're going to stay. Well, I'm present. I'm present the whole time. I will not go to the back of my mind to be like, I got to maintain this. I'm like, oh, I'm going to be right here because I can see I'm maintaining it.

I can see you and I can interact with you. Like it's always going to be that fucking small con, like especially with a lot of the clubs in New York, like they are the smaller, like 50 to 80 people. Like this is a perfect space to do comedy and also feel comfortable and present to do comedy. Yeah.

Um, and that's the last time I'll ever compliment New York city because otherwise it is a garbage. All right. So from St. Louis to where was after that? Fresno, California. Fresno, California. It's a lateral move.

It is. That doesn't sound like you like a lot of places, to be fair. Look, this is called the downside. And if you want to be honest with me, most places in this country suck. Why Fresno? Is Fresno really bad? Yeah, there was a community there. My parents had friends

there and that's why we ended up there we managed to that we stayed there for seven years and it was which is too long and then we moved to seattle washington which surprisingly was my favorite place we lived because it's a dreary city but it's were there immigrant communities at all these places like yeah there was always like people that my parents knew although i didn't know anybody uh yeah i didn't I didn't know anybody. Yeah. I didn't have any clout at the time. What were your parents doing for work? My mom usually was, we got government help through my mom,

and my dad had some sort of terrible janitor job of some sort. And then eventually they both got off of federal programs and were working two terrible jobs each. Why did they move to America originally? We were part because there's a refugees So we came to the States and like the mid 80s and like Ethiopians were like sort of like the African country of the decade So it was very like there's a lot of programs to get us to come over So that's this isn't how we would have in St. Louis was because of a program America was like like into it Oh, yeah, that's nice. Yeah, that's the the we ended up in St. Louis was because of a program. America was like into it? Oh, yeah.

That's nice. Yeah. The first time, there were so many commercials of Ethiopians just hanging out with flies in their face. And like, we got to save them. And that's essentially, yeah, I think specifically with Ethiopia, Ethiopia was a really old Christian nation. So a lot of these missionaries and programs in the states were like we this is integral like it was very important to them because it was like oh here's here's christian history that we want to bring here which i think is the video was the program was it is funded by religious like did you need to be a christian well yeah it's it's but i think

for the most part yeah most ethiopians that came here were christians there's some muslims uh but for the most part it was was Christians that were brought in. Historically, we're one of the first two Christian nations. It's us and Armenia. Wait, the first two Christian nations? Yes. Really? Yes.

Ethiopia is very heavily involved in a lot of the Bible. Is this tied to the Catholic church or is this? Sort of. It's like there's, we're Orthodox. So like we still like, our religion is so old that it's, we still have stuff from Judaism tied into it. Like we didn't, I didn't eat pork until I was 18. Really? Yeah.

Because it's like, it's based off of the original writing. So like a lot of it was based off of the torah so yeah my girlfriend's very very grew up very jewish i'm trying to get her to get to pork i've gotten oysters i've gotten shrimp neither are really sticking yeah they're tough but pork is the one where i'm like it's one of those things it's such a big hangover because it's such a it's a lot of it's a giant sum of people that don't involve themselves and honestly said that she had books like old mcdonald books the pig was crossed out yeah and it's it's it's it's a very like i personally would never have done it if i didn't work at denny's and smelled bacon all the time so it smelled good to you fucking bacon smells

so maybe that's what i have to do i'll just start cooking bacon all the time it is maybe that smell will do that it will an effect of that it is bacon is the most enticing smell in the entire world um but we ever we were allowed to eat one uh my mom didn't know that pepperoni was pork hilarious so we were like because it doesn't look she's just eating pepperoni all the time oh like she made it she made she made pizza for us when did she find out what was the day i don't think she even knows till now i'm not gonna be the person that's gonna be like hey lady

so do you remember you're at dennis you're smelling this whole day and one day you're like fuck it i think i think i remember i probably ordered something and and they were like we have a bunch of bacon left over and i didn't say was, I was there with my friends at my table and I was like, you know what? Let's give it a go. It was like, like eight, it was like 18,

19. It was like 1am. And it was like the first time I've had bacon. And my parents, my friends who have even been in the whole lives have no idea that I'm just like losing my mind over in the corner. Like this, like just experiencing the best thing I've ever had in my life.

So you were going to Denny's at 18? I think it was like 19. Were you working a lot of jobs in high school? I was working a lot of... I was working... But also, I quit jobs very quickly. I've never been a fan of authority. And I've never been...

I didn't trust any bosses. So eventually, I'd just be like... Would you just walk out or would you make a scene? I wouldn't really make a scene. I would always... I just no- just no call no show a lot because i also figured out that these jobs like i figured out very early on that jobs don't call in for references and i also found out that you can't give away too much information about your last employee without getting in trouble really because all they can do is say they worked before and the dates

they worked. Unless you are asking them to give a reference, they're not allowed to give that much information away. Really? You can't constantly... Do you recommend them? You can't ask, do you recommend them? If they're my reference, then they could do that. But they can't...

If they're not my reference, they can't ask them to recommend me would you be going to denny's with a paper resume yeah no no i would like i just like i'd fill up the application and yeah in the day if you're charming enough in person sure it doesn't matter what anyone like they will never, no one, especially jobs, restaurant and retail jobs, I'd say one out of every 10 of them that I had would do a check-in and it would only just be, and all they would get is to confirm the dates

of my employment. What were you, what did you need that money for? What were you doing with it? Was it money? To go out with friends or were you like, what were you spending it on?

Oh, money that was, God, at the time, I was just, rent, food. Rent, were you living, when did you leave your parents 18 at 18 yeah and i went back home a few times whenever i ran on money but i i came out and i was like i'm gay you guys suck and uh together both both those things in one statement what age how old were you when you came out 18 18 yeah would you wait for that just because of that age yeah it's i would have probably done it younger if there was no legal obligations uh

but yeah you knew it wasn't gonna be like you know what that's no i knew my parents i was i was fully spiteful when i came out i was very excited to do it and i'd do it again uh i think a lot of people usually are very patient and wait longer uh to out. I truly, I feel bad for anyone who comes out later because it's a much more difficult, it's not more difficult, it's actually harder to come out younger. I don't know why I do that. Sure, but it's certainly, how old were you when you were like, oh, I'm gay? I was probably like 13, 14. And you were just like, one day I'm going to tell these sons of bitches?

Oh, dreaming of it. Every day. It was a fantasy of mine. Like, one day I'm going to be so much more successful than all of you and it's going to be... And I did.

And it's true. And I proved it. That's probably why I'm so calm is that all my dreams came true. There you go. It's all just downhill from there. So were they not good parents? I mean, other than that,

obviously that's a flaw. They were good parents in the way that they took care of us and made sure we were alive. That's really brushed past. Yeah, look, they weren't the best in regards to being kind people. Were they violent? Of course, yeah. You say of course. Most African parents, they're very Ethiopian parents, especially.

Yeah, no, they were they're abusive, religious shitheads. But but it's like it's it's hard to like would they when it's your parents, you can't just like put them into one corner because it also kind of like. Like I like I'm thinking I've been processing, especially as an adult, like they did all the terrible things they did and they also did all these amazing things they did as well so they have to exist as these as both people to me uh as yeah the positive and negative in my life and i i can choose to not forgive them for the negatives but i have to also but i also want them around because of what the they've given to me positive so they're both still alive yes yes. So when you came out, they were mad? Yeah. They were not cool about it at all? Not at all. But you left that day?

Yeah. And then when did you go back? Did they, how are they now? Are they chill? No, they're fine. They're just old. And they kind of, well, they also need money from me. So it's also, it's a nice, it's a nice situation to be in.

Is it nice or is it like, I, my dad helped me financially for a while. And I think there was like a key part of our relationship development that was skewed because he was behaving in a way that I found unacceptable. But I needed money from him. So I played along. And then the day I didn't need the money from it, I went, I no longer want to spend time with you and this horrible behavior. So like money can just cause so many problems,

so many strings, even if you don't intend them to be there. For me, I'm personally, I don't tie anything emotional to money that I give to my family. And I think that's, I don't, I honestly, I truly, I try emotional to money that I give to my family. I don't. And I think that's. I don't.

I honestly. I truly. I try not to tie giving money to anyone to how I feel. If they owe me or if they're deserving of it. I feel like if I can take care of you and you're a person in my life that I love. I'll do it. Do you give it on a repeating basis? Do you just give it piecemeal?

Like my family is usually. My family is not greedy. They're very good at being like this is what i need for this thing and this thing only uh-huh so no one's ever been like no one's no one's taken advantage of me and also they also know that i'm not a person that can be taken advantage of sure so it's never like it's not like it's it's definitely it's a nice situation because they like like they're gonna have to ask for my help eventually. So, and I also, also help will be like taking care of them as they get older and the things they need in that regard.

I think I was watching, it was like a Joan Rivers documentary and she'd started listing all the people that she kind of bankrolls. And you went, oh, that's why you work on such schlock sometimes because you need a lot i mean she was 12 people under her watch or something yeah i've always i think yeah mine is not 12 but i will always have to there's people i have to take care of my family my immediate family is always going to be on the

list of people that have to be taken care of how many siblings you have i'm one of seven but it's only five now oh one died? Two. Two? Yeah. Do you mind me asking how? I killed him. No, I didn't. I took him out. They asked for too much money.

No, my older brother, he passed away like four years ago from a stroke. And my sister passed away last year uh jesus she did she did a lot of heroin uh in her life uh but yeah it's but yeah there's there's still there's and my eldest brother actually we've never really had a relationship because he never came to america um and i didn't know he was my brother till i was 10 uh is he a half brother he yeah the the three eldest are half. Only the four youngest were... So your dad was married before? My mom.

Your mom was married before? Yeah, my mom gave birth to all the children. I guess that was, in a way, sexist of me, I guess. Look, a lot of people assume when you hear that many kids, it's always the father, but no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My mom is the... And she got remarried.

They got divorced? Well, my parents actually were never married. Still? Yeah, they're not together now. Oh, is the... And she got remarried. They got divorced? Well, my parents were actually, were never married. Still? Yeah, they're not together now. Oh, they're not even together now? Yeah. When did they separate? I think when I was like 25.

Was that good? Did you go, oh, good. Yeah, they never loved each other. That was... They never loved each other? No. Why did they... My brother was the first person to say I love you in the family when he was 17.

Isn't that an immigrant thing, though, too, with the love use? Yeah, sure. Yeah, I don't know. He was the first to say and everyone was silent and he said, what does this mean? He said it to me one day and I was walking out and I was like, that's, yeah, that's right. That's an emotion I do feel. Let's go have some bacon. I love you, too. too yeah i was eating bacon at the time i should have i should have offered him something so you and your brother he's still alive

this brother yes he's the one that lives with me oh he lives with you yes and and what's the age difference we're only two years apart and what does he do well he went he started going back to school during the pandemic so he moved in with me at that time because he was in seattle uh-huh uh and he was just working as assistant manager at t Maxx or whatever terrible retail store he was working at. And he was like, I'm going to go back to school for animation. I'm like, well, this is the city to move to. That's what kind of, like he's going back to a graduate degree? Oh, no, he's in an animation program in a school in Florida.

And he's just doing the program. And I think he'll be graduating in the next six months or so. That's really sweet. I had a spare bedroom and I make him clean things up. Sure. He's my brother. We're only

two years apart so it'd be a very weird thing to be like, you figure it out. I'm in the position where, especially my two younger brothers, if they need to figure out and have life to the best version thing be like you you figure it out i'm i'm in the i'm in the position where i might especially my two younger brothers if they need to figure out and have life to the best version that they can i want to make sure that i can do that but you become i mean are you in a way the figurehead of the family now you're you're helping your parents you're helping your brother yeah i'm in charge and you like that no no i love I'm kidding. That's an absolute lie.

I love it. Sure. I love being in charge of everything. I have that thought. I think with, I mean, all my siblings are younger. So there's room for them to financially. I got this point to a year. Maybe this is embarrassing. It was this late at 34.

But like each sibling individually, we went out to dinner and i was like oh i i guess i'm gonna buy this dinner for all of them you i was 35 when i was able to do that so okay good you're fine good i was working in restaurants until i was 34 but you were doing comedy what what age did you start comedy i started coming when i was 25 cool i started stand-up when i was 27 i was acting before i'll stand up 25 stand up 25. I did improv before that. I even did spoken word before that. Listen, spoken word can be great. I went to the Neorecan Cafe when I was in college in New York,

and it was so fucking cool. Look, I can definitely believe that spoken word can be great. I can assure you that the ones that I went to and what I did was not great. I think poetry, it's very hard to know what's good and what's... Who's the... It's not that hard to know. A lot of it's not good. Some of it is very good.

Well, I think it's like, who's the woman that spoke at Biden's inauguration? Oh, I'm gonna feel so bad for forgetting this. She's like young and just like... Oh, she had the... Oh, God. I feel so bad because her name was all around and now uh whatever her name is she released a poem after roe v wade got overturned on twitter or something and like it was one of those where i read it i'm like this is bad i think but i can't tell i don't

trust my own judgment i could look at ee cummings and go like what the fuck is this here's the thing um even the best can write terrible things uh and that's fine like tennessee williams is the reason why we have cats uh cats the musical yeah i think it's based off of one of his that's the ee cummings poem i think there we go yeah yeah sure whatever sure sure tennessee williams could have written. He wrote Cat on the Hot Tin Roof. I think that's where the two. You know what?

I'm not, first of all, I'm not a smart person. That's not true. You're a very smart person. Are you not? Or do you just present as smart? I can be both very smart and very stupid. And that's, I speak eloquently. I think that's what throws people off. Because sometimes I don't know things.

And I'm very happy about that. But no. that's what throws people off because sometimes i don't know things and i'm very happy about that but no like it's like a lot of like poetry for me is like it really has to speak to you and otherwise it's all like it's all relative it can all be very much garbage and call be wonderful like that's artist's objective but poetry is for the most part you can be like i don't like this and then you can find stuff that hits well with you like i think yeah it's tough to say it's i there there's some poetry that i fucking love forever and i think is the greatest stuff in the world uh but none of it is the stuff that i wrote when i was doing spoken word what i did was bad i was at a wedding this this past weekend and they read passages and uh the whole wedding there's a lovely wedding blah blah

but like if i would have a meter there's like sometimes i'm like corny and there's sometimes i'm like that's my jam and they were doing passages and one was like a poem one was a passage from winnie the pooh and like something about the winnie the pooh i was like that's it that's it for me because it was like Piglet saying something to Winnie. And Piglet was saying it. It wasn't the author saying it. It was a probably mentally challenged stuffed Piglet saying it. And so I believed the feeling that the Piglet was expressing.

Now, a person expressing, like, it's something about, like, if, you know, if you die, if you live to be 100, I hope to live to be 100 minus a day. Yeah. And it's like a dumb piglet saying that. I'm like, beautiful. A human being, I'd be like,

well, wouldn't you want 100 years minus a second? I'd get all mathematical. Here's the thing. It's like song lyrics. How many songs are stupid and still sound pretty? And it's like, it depends on the singer.'s like it's like song lyrics how many songs are stupid and still sound pretty yes and it's like like it depends on the singer like it's always like like it also every poem probably can sound great if you're put in the right circumstance to hear it uh but like that's but it has to be done a certain way it has to be so yeah i'm it's it's it's like

improv uh-huh as well like how much of improv is uh not that great I think sincerity the biggest mistake I think you have to earn sincerity yes people think you can just be sincere and just say it and I'm like you gotta earn it I have to understand the circumstances the word saying I love you is is can mean the world if you've built the circumstances correctly around the saying of it. I think. Like your brother saying it to you for the first time. Exactly. In a family.

It's almost like I wish there's a part of that when people do like speeches at weddings. I wish they understood that part. Like we don't know you as the audience of this wedding. You are fresh to the mic. And you're telling us stories about people that we barely know? You got to. Well, that's the thing is, again, and again, this was a lovely wedding. I'm not shitting on any wedding. It was beautiful.

But I was a visitor. I knew the bride and groom somewhat, but you see people who knew them. And so, like, they're just captured. I could see one of my like old middle school friends getting married and they could say like the cheesiest vowels and i'm like oh my god my man's grown up my man's grown up jay jordan yeah i was at his wedding and both their vows were spectacular jay threaded the needle i mean it was like it wasn't sappy it had jokes and at the end it fucking hit with like this quote back to i've seen this at two weddings now uh someone quotes

like something their mom used to say to them about love uh one one was uh jay i don't think i'm speaking out of turn was like i love you love you in circles, was the phrase, because circles never end. And the other one was, I love you, when they were a kid, they told their mom, I love you more than anyone in the world, but they couldn't say it,

so they just said, I love you in the world. And that was the phrase, like as a baby. So it's like, when you, I think that's a very powerful tool, you connect to something you said as a kid.

Again, you've created the character of the dumb piglet. And you go, I believe what you're saying now. I personally think I'm never going to let anybody see me get married because I don't want that level of vulnerability to be seen. Before the vows, Solomon has asked for everyone to leave, please, including the other groom. Honestly. He's going to say it alone.

I'd prefer it. Are you, when you're dating someone, do you wait a while to say I love you? Oh, I'll wait forever. To the point that I've only dated one person. Oh, yes? Yes. Did you say I love you? I said it first, and he waited five days to say it back.

And I didn't count every single day at all i've had twice now a like i wait i wait i'm slow and then she said i love you with tears because i've waited so this is This is, I guess, my relationship with women. I really push them right to the brink. And they go, I love you. And then I go, okay, I love you too. I think I waited like four months. See, that's not very long to me. I was waiting a year, two years. I'll wait it out.

I'll wait it out. It's too fast. That is too long. How is that too long? A year? Yeah. I say I love you right now as a friend. How would you not? Your partner.

The person who sucked your dick. Listen, I can't be handed out love that frequently. Well, look, I'm just saying if somebody's doing it regularly for several months, you have to say I love you faster. I think. I think it's six months is too long.

My romantic side, in a way, cynical romantical side, is saying I love you is a vow in and of itself. If I say I love you, and this is from a family of divorce and people who hated each other, I go, if I say say i love you that means even if we hate each other i will still be there for you see that's the thing is that if i say i love you i know that can be conditional it's fine if it's conditional see but then then i'd like love can be more than conditional yeah it's called i want to marry you marriage get out of here the marriage do you do you feel tied to marriage or based on well no i don't feel tied like i feel like you when saying i love you the the initial i love you the the conditional love needs to be acknowledged and then there's if there's a if there's a version of it then you can show that

through actions and who you are as a person where you're like i'm now committed more to you than ever like that there's there's celebrations of love after love like there's that you can still keep leveling up your love sure but we need words i like that word because here's the thing is because everything is temporary it's this it's like you can't like you have to re-associate yourself with the word love and how you feel about a person as much as possible because it's there's no way it's it's, the vow to the word, the first time you say it, is not as strong as, I don't know. I think it should be said, I say six months of dating. Because that's, for me, is plenty of time to say it. And if it doesn't work out, you can back away and you're fine.

All right. Listen. Look, if you want a better word. Next girlfriend, six months in in i'm going for it look i think now you're stuck because you you said it you waited too long and now you have to now you have to finish the job sure sure oh god i did seen the vows there is a thought not i i don't know if i ever want to get married i i but i don't think i ever vows i was like i would write a killer set for these vows. Here's the thing.

I don't want to get married. I do want several divorces. I feel like that is a life. Just to be a divorcee? Divorcee. I feel like I've already been giving off that vibe for like 20 plus years. And it just feels rotten not to have the evidence. If I ever get divorced, it's something i've always wanted to avoid from a family multiple

divorced i think like the thought of getting divorced is like i would think you fell for it you fucking idiot you knew and you fell for it i had some friends in college that like they had divorced parents we would always you know commiserate on that and then they got married and i remember like watching them get married i was like i cannot believe it and guess what they all got fucking divorced yeah but here's the thing i look at people's lives like a jennifer lopez or like elizabeth uh taylor that's that's how i want to go multiple suitors ultimately get back with the first one yeah it just like she elizabeth taylor richard burton twice uh jennifer lopez is doing the same thing that elizabeth taylor has done

it's fun for them but for their kids it's got to be like oh hey ben hey again oh my kids are gonna hate me for so many other reasons that it's that my multiple marriages won't even bother them Let's go on to our segment This has got to stop Normally we have music I don't in LA So it goes like This has got to stop Yeah

Do you have a this has got to stop for a Solomon? I'm trying to find a this has got to stop It can be big or small It can be You know I'll do a brief one real quick If I'm sitting down If I'm sitting down for a lunch

yeah and i'm sitting down with two or three people and only two of us are there and there's a lot of tables let me fucking sit we don't need to wait for the whole party to get here trust me what kind of scam do you think i'm pulling there's a lot of tables it's fine if anything i'm gonna order more food please let me sit please enough with the game so you're you're gonna if you're gonna order like you're eating you're gonna be there eating what what does it matter if those people don't show up exactly what does it matter you already have customers you're already a customer if it's packed if we're talking like there's not a seat to spare sure it doesn't even matter if it's packed it shouldn't matter end of the day first come

first serve i am here give me my table i agree like you cannot like that is not like you can't fantasize because it's not it's not an efficient way it doesn't prove that people will show up and it doesn't it's it's just all you're doing is frustrating somebody who wants to sit down especially if you're one of two because then you feel like a loser they're like well let's see if your friend's real one of two if your friend is real before we let you have a seat you don't look like someone wants to join you for lunch to be honest if it's like a party of six i get it but if there's two people sit that one person sit that one person please that person can yeah jesus um so that's my this has got to stop um my this has got to stop i would it's there's there's several right now but for me personally is um is i i this is probably bigger i i'm not that big of a fan of hot people on tiktok uh just

lip-syncing jokes and thinking that they're comedians now and it is that's got to stop jay jay jordan my good friend hates the lip syncing honestly i don't mind the lip syncing at all it's just you are it's like when there's one video and there's 10 million copies of that video it's like you have you're not you're not doing something original why i cannot fathom a world where i copy exactly verbatim what somebody else does comedically. Like that would like that for me is plagiarizing. And I know that TikTok allows it, but it's not comedy. It's not your comedy.

It's not your joke. It's not it's not you. So you don't get the credit of being funny. And you're wasting your life. I once tried to make a parody of like Sarah Cooper back in the day where I was doing like a Nixon speech. And it takes a long time to get it down and i thought what am i doing with my life not creating anything new my dad could lip sync my grandma could lip sync you it's hack it needs to go into the category of hack if you have a twist you want to do it once

sure well that's the thing is like it's what if you're doing something completely different and wild with it i like for example i think um fuck what was i'm trying to remember there are pennies from heaven where there is one of my favorite movies and they lip sync every song from the 1920s and it's a it's like there's like weird things to do that are absurdist and fun where you lip sync but if you're not doing that and you're not a drag queen lip syncing a song uh and jumping off the fucking roof to do a jump split or like fucking like that's like it has to be powerful within that moment but you have to have other things to do that's the thing like it's it's one thing if it's that's something you do here every once in a while but if you have nothing else and this is all you're doing why why why why have another skill set have bring something else to the table if you want to be if you want to be in the world of comedy if that's all you're providing then it's

not enough work on those splits while you learn the words um our final segment uh you better count your blessing i got a very this feels raunchy but it's a real thing uh someone told me that someone years ago eight years ago nine years ago that i'd hooked up with once said to them they said he is incredible at oral sex. And then apparently in that conversation, they said, they asked me, did I read how to do it in a book? And I said, yes, which I don't remember that part because I don't think I would ever admit that. And I don't think oral sex is that. I think it's less about skill. It's more about lack of self-worth. That's my personal opinion.

You know, so it was a compliment from an old hookup that I, it was one of those where like, you know where they can't reveal certain documents until a certain amount of time has passed? It feels like one of those secrets. An amount of time passed and a friend was like, oh, I meant to tell you like 10 years ago, someone said this. And I was like, yes. Hell yeah. I knew it. I knew I was okay at this. So that's my blessing.

You got a blessing? Let me think of it. For me, I've been very fortunate of always doing better than my exes after we break up. And that's one thing that I definitely enjoy is the continued failure of some of the people that I've dated in the past. But yeah, I think there was one guy who was particularly rotten

in my 20s and he's doing terribly. So I love checking in on him. He's a little small blessing that I get to... That's a nice blessing. I like the blessing. Now this episode,

we're wrapping this up real quick, but this episode comes out October 11th. Is there anything you want to plug 11-11 10-11 10-11

I well you know just I have my own podcast I always I guess people should always listen to that and you should also be a guest on it as well

I'd love to called The Juice through Team Coco that will be around otherwise I'll just I'll just be online. Yeah, just find you online. You're fantastic online.

I will be at Comic Strip in Edmonton, Canada, October 20th through the 23rd. And then I will be in Comedy Arena. It is near Dallas, October 28th and October 29th. Find me online at Jamarcus Araizi. Find the Patreon, patreon.com slash downside. And, you know, I've tried, find me online at your Marcus or a Z find the patreon patreon.com slash downside and You know, I'm trying I'd like to end it on something really sad we talked about love we talked about family just know

that You may love someone forever, but you Will not be forever. So it's a lie. Wow. This is the downside. One, two, three. Downside. Downside. Downside. Downside.