The Downside with Gianmarco Soresi - #120 The Mormon Blind Side with Skyler Higley

Episode Date: January 24, 2023

Comedian Skyler Higley tells me and guest co-host Maddy Smith the downsides of being raised by white Mormon parents in Utah, the posthumous baptism of Anne Frank, why astrology is cultural appropriation, and we discuss how sassy the NYPD has been lately.  You can watch full video of this episode HERE! Join the Patreon for ad-free episodes, exclusive content, and MORE. Follow Skyler Higley on Instagram, Twitter, & TikTok For more info, visit: https://www.skylerhigley.com/ Follow Maddy Smith on Twitter & Instagram See Maddy in a city near you! Follow Gianmarco Soresi on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, & YouTube Subscribe to Gianmarco Soresi's email & texting lists Check out Gianmarco Soresi's bi-monthly show in NYC Get tickets to see Gianmarco Soresi in a city near you Watch Gianmarco Soresi's special "Shelf Life" on Amazon E-mail the show at [e-mail] Produced by Paige Asachika & Gianmarco Soresi Video edited by Dave Columbo Special Thanks Tovah Silbermann Part of the Authentic Podcast Network Original music by Douglas Goodhart Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Classic comedy. Welcome to The Downside. My name's Jamarcus Horazy. Russell, Russell is out today. He was having some vocal issues. You know Russell. My friend, he's currently off-Broadway in a show called Titanic.

And Russell, like me and any former theater kids who do comedy, sometimes we rely on yelling in place of a punchline. So I'm going to, don't worry, I'm going to be taking care of Russell. I'm going to call him up. I'm going to explain to him what a setup is, how to tighten it up. I've been there, God knows. Maddie knows from my roast battle days that there was a time I didn't know what a joke was.

And Maddie famously said, what did you say, Maddie? I said it to everyone, but you hold me to it. I'm like, listen, just so you know,

I told a lot of people that a lot of people who are on TV now, you just own a TV, but people who are on TV, Maddie said, quit comedy. I totally forgot. Oh, nice.

Yeah. I forgot. Wow. That was at a roast battle I totally forgot. Oh, nice. Totally forgot. Wow. That was at a roast battle many years ago. But I would like to let it be known that I don't have vocal issues, which is why I'm here. And you can sing. Yes, I can.

Oh, shit. What the hell was that? It's crazy. That came out of nowhere. Oh, my God. So just so you know, if the numbers are crazy today, Russell might be out of a gig. All it takes is one appearance. I was shocked that you were available, if I'm being honest.

Me too, actually. Yeah? When I said yes, I said, God, what are you doing with your life? This year is off to a terrible start. No, I like this. I had a big day open, and I said,

maybe someone will come in. Maybe I'll get to sing in an apartment. Exactly. Well, I'm sure Debbie Downsiders. Let me do it real quick. Some business. The Patreon is growing. We're almost at 100.

I'm going to lay out all the new things when you get 100, 150, 250. A lot of cool things are coming up. But join. If you join now, you get to hear the last episode we did with Dusty Ray Bottoms. A live episode about the downsides of RuPaul's Drag Race. And then we just recorded one. This is coming out later. With Aaliyah Janine, we're doing a live episode

where she talks about the downsides of being in the adult entertainment industry and leaving it. What would the downsides be to being in the adult entertainment industry? I haven't experienced any downsides myself. Orgasms and fun and come and it's a blast.

So join patreon.com slash downside. You don't even have to listen to the bonus stuff. You can just do it as like a tribute as a thank you for all the free shit.

Patreon.com slash downside. Please check it out. And Maddie has been a guest before. Star of Wildin' Out. Yes, on MTV, VH1, and YouTube. And fully turned towards me. These clips are going to be disastrous.

I know my profile is horrifying, but this couch is comfy if you sit this way, and my feet are cold. I'm worried since Russell's not here, we can complain about it. I'm worried it's too comfy. Are you worried about the view, though? Russell sometimes, by the end of the episode,

Russell's like this. Absolutely. And I'm like, and he's like, he's just,. Are you worried about the view though? Russell sometimes by the end of the episode Russell's like this and I'm like and he's like he's just and I'm worried. You ever see the Seinfeld episode where they buy a chair for the security guard

and he falls asleep. Let me introduce my guests. Skyler, Hiley, stand-up comedian or Higley. I'm sorry. God damn it.

I knew it and then I spelled it wrong here. I knew it was Higley. I knew it was H knew it. And then I spelled it wrong here. No, that's embarrassing. I knew it was Higley. I knew it was Higley. And someone with your last name. God damn it, motherfucker. It's embarrassing. It's very embarrassing.

And we do this every week when we're on the podcast. You always mess up people's names. And also, everyone knows it's Higley. So I think you need to go into that room. I feel like you didn't know until seconds ago.

No, I literally knew that. I swear to God, I knew it. I literally knew it. And it corrected it On my phone It corrected it On my phone So when I looked at it I was going here

Skylar We were at JFL New Faces together Yeah it was fun And look where it got you Yeah And now I'm here baby It got you to be a guest

And now I'm here In an apartment Next to a bridge My dream My comedy dream I want to be right next To the Williamsburg Bridge I want to walk past

The apartment a couple times Because I didn't know Where the door was Well i'm glad now that everyone knows where i live skylar can you say something you're visiting new york say something shitty about new york uh so i can launch into our theme song something shitty about new york i mean what do i go i mean i i could start with new york first of all like this how it smells like half of the place gross also garbage everywhere garbage everywhere where the fuck is your why don't you have alleys what the shit this is the downside you're listening to the downside the downside with john marcos cerezi and maddie

smith that was really sad. And Maddie Smith. We got to update that song. Yes. Just call it Maddie Smith. It's been forever. Maddie Smith. Maybe you can sing it too. I mean, frankly.

Maddie Smith. There you go. Wow. I, before we talk about you, I got to complain about something. Okay. So where I live, this is actually the podcast studio i live close by yeah so i'm coming home one night uh tova my girlfriend girlfriend girlfriend tova she says uh there's a crime scene there's a crime scene and she sees there's blood she heard someone got shot

and i go and she and she she had gone inside and she was like i was coming home and she was like could you see if you could find out what happened? And I get there. A lot of cops. A lot of NYPD. Hopefully they haven't listened to the podcast because we've said a lot of things. We've said a lot of things. I love them.

What's wrong with the police? Oink, oink. I'm an ally. Listen. And so I asked the officer. I asked one of the police officers and I say and I see blood I see cardboard there's blood

something bad has happened and this is very close to where we live dare I say underneath and so I say hello officer good day officer as you do when you start off good sir good respectable sir and I say what happened?

And he goes, you'll see it on the news. As if we're watching the news. As if we're all watching the same news all the time. Yeah, channel three, pull it up. And the reason I asked him,

because I had to go in, I had to go under emergency tape to go into my building. So, and I've had this happen with the NYPD before, where there's clearly something wrong. I'm concerned. And I turned to them for one moment

to get my taxpayer due and say, can you tell me what happened here? And they give me some fucking answer like that. They're rude motherfuckers. Now, to be fair, I've literally yelled, fuck them. Yeah. Oh, they remembered your face from the protest. No justice, no peace.

They remember you. Fuck those race-ass police. Only white guy there. Remember. Yeah, and the tallest one. I do everything I can to never have to ask the NYPD for anything. But simple information. It's basic info.

About what happened. So I did look it up on the fucking news. What the fuck is he talking about? Like a local thing. Well, when were you supposed to look this up? Because you'll see it on the news. It's like, what if I want to know right now? How long are you supposed to wait?

I hope, I mean, I don't hope, but a lot of people must have died so that you could be like, oh, this will get on the news. Sure, exactly. Especially in New York. I said to him, is there anything we should be worried about? He be like, oh, this will get on the news or something. Sure, exactly. Especially in New York. I say to him, is there anything we should be worried about? He was like, no. And I looked this up

and actually, I would say it is something to be worried about. Okay. So it's, I'm trying to be vague because I don't want people

to look up exactly where I live, but you could piece it together. I'm posting online. Yeah, take one drive down the Williamsburg Bridge and they'll see your face. They'll see my fucking face. Literally.

So there was a store and it says, this is the news being like they sell weed, THC-laced oil, and marijuana edibles, though it lacks a license to do so,

which apparently is a big thing right now. I'll tell you why I'm nervous about this in one second, but keep going. Sure. So once inside,

the robbers tried to hold up the shop. I've heard about this. They demanded money but keep going. Sure. So once inside, the robbers tried to hold up the shop. I've heard about this. They demanded money from the register, which they stuffed in a red bag. He was behind the counter

when these guys came in. The manager said to the worker, we have no idea who they are. The robbery went sideways and one of the men shot the 34-year-old clerk in the torso. The victim sometimes

works as a guard too, according to the manager. So then they took off in a black car with tinted windows, bizarrely leaving the money in the bag on the counter. The woman who witnessed the shooting from across the street said she heard a pop.

That makes sense. That checks out. That's her first gunshot she ever heard. Yeah, it sounded like a popping sound. Okay, lady. go back inside. It's like, because whenever I have a joke, work or not work, I go like, that joke really popped. Those were gunshots. There's somebody that got shot in the torso. That was one of those.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So this guy- Welcome to a city. The guy who was shot, he was on his side, scooting his way on the sidewalk. He was bleeding bad. His sweater was covering it. He was screaming, call the cops, call an and he's he's expected to survive good yes good but what the fuck why couldn't the officer say anything no i know i hate that they're being sassy lately they're being sassy they they're

they're really mad that uh we got mad at them they're mad and now they're still mad they're still mad about it and it's like, get over it. You still, nothing happened to you. I thought them beating people with nightsticks at the protest was enough. And now they're just being sass. Now they're just being passive aggressive. So I don't know.

It's the second time when I was in Harlem, I remember once late at night, there was drilling noises and some voices like outside late. It sounded not good. And I remember I late at night there was drilling noises and some voices like outside late. It sounded not good. And I remember I was younger. This was before the cops were treating black people unfairly. So I did call them.

No, that's before. That was in 2018. That was in 2020. It only happened in June 2020. Started and ended. We fixed it. Yes, we did. And I remember I called them.

They said they'd look into it. I called back because I didn't hear anything. It's like 2 in fixed it. Yes, we did. And I remember I called them. They said they'd look into it. I called back because I didn't hear anything. It's like 2 in the morning. Drills, noises. I saw a ladder. And I called and they said, don't worry about it. Hung up the phone. Ew, they're so annoying.

And I'm like, well, then what's the fucking point here, guys? Right. What's the fucking point? This is the one chance you can't fuck it up. Just tell me what happened outside my building. I beg of you. This is the one time where you're not going to pull a gun on me for no reason. Hopefully.

Hopefully. This is the whole, both of these stories, I can't believe how stereotypically New York it is. Because you asked cops in both of these stories what's going on. And they both said, forget about it. And it's just like, how can you be more of a fucking stereotype of a person yeah maybe if he was eating a donut hey and he's swinging around his nightstick and fucking yeah beating black people no i'm saying you can't even finish it i know yeah you can finish it no i know i know i can I thought it'd be funnier to not.

Is it for Chicago? Is it CPD? The CPD? Yeah, Chicago Police Department. Yeah. Oh, I thought it was the Chicago Pig Department. Okay, I have something to say about this story. Please.

I started a series with Homeless Pimp. You know him. He's like a big... He was the guy who did the shooting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Homeless Pimp. He is a homeless pimp you know him uh-huh uh he's like a big he was the guy who did this shooting yeah yeah homeless pimp yeah he is a homeless pimp uh i started a series where we're reviewing weed stores and i got really high at one of them and at the end of the review i was like oh maybe i'm not allowed maybe i shouldn't put this out because it's going to expose the weed store oh because they're not licensed the one i reviewed was like an art selling art and then giving weed oh right and they were all like for it no one there was like you can't do this but i was like fuck what if we

put this whole thing together and they're like you can't release that i don't think they're cracking down on it quite yet because they're popping up everywhere there's one in the corner here yeah with glass windows where it's like it's it's in your face yeah this is what i've noticed though in at least that wouldn't have been one i I went to. Really? Granny Zah. When I'm, I've been here a month now, I see all these weird like looking weed stores everywhere. That's like, this is just, what is this, a pharmacy? But it's like green or whatever. But also I've seen a bunch of those.

I barely see anybody smoking weed on the street. Like, is it not street legal? Like what is? We don't really know what the violence is. Nobody's around like smoking a blunt in their chair is weird. But it's the same in, like, Toronto. Like, there's so many dispensaries, but there's no one on the street smoking weed. I think it's one of those grave area things.

Like, I was in San Diego, and I bought weed, and they said, you're allowed to buy weed, but you can't smoke it in public. Yeah. So then I was like, I felt it was just enough paranoia of getting in trouble. I'd probably be fine. Yeah. But it was enough paranoia to stop me from just like casually smoking it. Right.

What was the name? Granny's Oz. We can say it. All these stores are opening up. It's been like crazy. Crazy. Because you know they're not going to all last. Yeah.

Once they crack down on this license thing. And a lot of them won't have good, a lot of them have fake fucking weed. Well, this place. Two bodegas in my neighborhood closed and they, the same owners just opened a weed store. That's not real. Yeah.

Is that the Delta 8 shit? Is that what it is? Not even. It says THC. You're just eating Sour Patch Kids. I literally ate like 20 and I was like, oh,

okay, this is not weed at all. Well, that's the thing with legalizing it. You're going to get the bodega quality weed. Yeah. I went to one place They gave me a free joint

And I should've known Because they just gave it Because I browsed And this joint I'm not like a joint This joint is shit This was the worst joint This was like

I lit it And it all disappeared Yeah You just got a crumpled up paper With like a couple sprinkles Of flour in it And they were like It was disgusting

So So that's where we are in legalization interesting remy german ario um friend of the pod she told me this story she she was like she stays with her dad on the upper east side like a nice inexpensive neighborhood and she came out one day and she saw us it was like a neon marijuana leaf with glasses smoking a joint and was like Mr. Weed and she saw it and was like no way

this is gonna stay in this neighborhood and sure enough she came back like a week later and it had changed to dispensary number 38 hilarious

and I think it's so funny to see how weed culture will immediately transform as they try to appeal to different markets. At a certain point, it was just to appeal to people who would buy illegal stuff

or go to Spencer's Gifts. And now it's going to be like, how do you advertise it to old people? There's going to be some bougie weed shops popping up. Rich people love, what was it, like dispensary whatever. Rich people love numbers.

They don't like things being called things. There's like this and a number thing as if that makes it like official. Well, thank God we got not the first 37 versions of this shit. We got weed dispensary number 38. Right. So. Closes at 5 p.m. Is weed legal in Chicago yet?

Yeah. Are there a lot legal in Chicago yet? Yeah. Are there a lot of dispensaries? There are some. I think that it's, like, this really weird thing that Chicago has done with, like, the weed licensing, where it's very expensive, and then they, like, crack down on, like, the illegal weed, but there's only, like, there's Northside dispensaries, but there aren't that many of them because it's not that accessible to get. So, and heavily taxed. I'm not an expert. It just seems like there should be a lot more weed than there is. Sure.

Definitely. I'm really into the mints right now. I'm getting into it. I like those too. 2.5, 5 milligram mints. 5, I get a little, if I'm doing standup. Take it easy. Do you get high before?

No, not very often. I think. I will for a low stakes show. Sure. If I'm, I like to write high for sure. Oh, for sure. That's fun. My poor girlfriend, every time we get high and we're talking, there's a lot of like,

oh, wait one second. Me too, me too, me too, me too, me too. And then my notes app is filled with chaos. Chaos. And most of it is. I opened mine today. It was like a bit about guy who shadow boxes at a bar. Sure.

Sure. I started boxing recently. Yeah. You ever meet a guy who's just like, when you're out, you're just like. You're just kind of doing this. And you're like, you want a beer, dude? He's like, I'm sober. Sometimes.

It's got to be those sober people. Always. If I'm alone in a green room before a big show. Yeah. If I'm alone. Right. There's a little bit. A little bit of boxing. I I'm alone in a green room before a big show, if I'm alone, there's a little bit. A little bit of boxing.

I thought you were going to say a five milligram. Yeah, I might. I said, take it easy, John Marco. Your career is going to slide. That's your catchphrase for this podcast

every time you host. Take it easy. Every time I host, every time I host, every time John Marco and I host, it's like crazy chemistry sparks flying. That is my thought

where anytime I'm like, your career is going to slide, your career is going to slide, your career is going to slide. I know. Keep this up. What I, if I get too high, the part where it goes sour is if I'm on stage and suddenly I go,

wait a second, are they laughing at me because I'm being weird or because of the joke? And once I enter that space, that's then it's like, then I don't feel happy with it. I feel paranoid. I've been, I've been like tripping on like psychedelics on stage before take it easy and i should have and i should have i do not recommend that because in you know weed sometimes you'll

get high and like you'll you'll be like at worst it'll say if you're bombing or even doing well i'll say a joke just high on weed and I'll be like, why are they laughing? Even though I just said a joke, like you said, right? When I was tripping, it was even more complex in that like, not only why are they laughing, but like, why are they here? And why am I here? Like every single joke.

And I just started feeling like every laugh felt bad. And I don't, it was like this weird like i didn't like it at all yeah or you i mean crowd work would be be like oh so you're an oak tree yeah yeah yeah oh crowd work when i'm high no don't even really yeah sometimes so bad but sometimes i will i will i will push like because i think everything's funnier, I have less of a sensor, so I will, like, roll with it a lot more. Well, that's two drinks in. That's me, two drinks in. You're an onstage drinker.

Well, if I'm going to try to do crowd work or get loose or whatever, then it's a couple drinks and I'm going crazy. I don't give a fuck what happens. Your whole JFL New Faces set was all crowd work. Yeah. And it was a strange. And you were tripping. And I was tripping and I was drunk and I was fucked up.

You just asked 100 people what they did for work. And they're like, I'm. And you were tripping. And I was tripping and I was drunk. You just asked 100 people what they did for work. And they're like, I'm an agent. I'm an agent. I'm an agent. Yeah. And I didn't have a line.

I was like, what did you do for work, agent? And I was like, cool. And I was like, what do you do? Oh, cool. He's like, I'm your manager. And then I was like,

gay, gay, gay. I was calling everybody gay. And everybody, they loved it. And you were right half the time. Yeah. You know. The other half,

they were just not out yet. Yes. Yeah, exactly. Every agent is gay. That is something we see. Just to people who are not in the industry, every agent is gay. Did you get high in Montreal? No, I don't think so. It was very

Not during his shows. We had a lot of downtime. He had a lot of meetings. It was just a degree of like. He had a lot of meetings. Okay, sure. I was in there. It was just a degree of like, I did not get to enjoy much at JFL because it was like- Me neither. You were talking to so many people and everything. It felt like, oh my God, this is the moment.

Everyone's here. All the bookers are here. All the people are here. That was an intense experience. yeah all the bookers are here all the people are here that was an intense experience and i will say i was it was either um being at those shows doing the shows doing the fucking whatever meetings or i was just like pretty much drunk or high the whole time and i was feeling this existential because it's always you're meeting so many of these industry hi i'm whoever from wherever and and they're just like talking to you a bunch and And I got into a very weird, dark place where I'm like, the industry is slavery

and this is the auction block. Like I was very like excited. It's weird. But then there's also a weird, that many of all of us in the same place at the same time. That's weird. And the industry people,

I've never been to JFL, so you guys are kind of making me feel left out. But I have been to like, it's like, okay, like agent, like I don't even know what that is. You've never even heard of agents. Like I don't know what Just for Laughs stands for. I just said Just for Laughs, that's hilarious.

But I've been to Moon Tower and it's the same thing. You can tell who's an agent too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I love agents. I love industry people. Well, my girlfriend is in the industry. So shut the fuck up.

It's just funny because you can tell because they got their lanyards on and they're like, Skylar, right? Yeah, the way they look at you. They look at you up and down. They're like, hmm, how much money? Yeah. How much?

I do think it'd be funny if I came up to you, Skylar, during JFL, I was like, doesn't it feel like this is like the auction block and we're like fucking, you and me, we're just fucking. And then we both start singing like my people go. That came to my mind like first out the gate, right out the gate. Yeah. Did you, was that because you were stoned?

I feel like you're an existential, you can't be happy for too long in a place before you're saying, is this the fucking auction block right now? And that's what I say everywhere. I go to work every day and I start, this is the auction block. Is this the auction block? Yeah.

Also, yeah, welcome to, this is the auction block with Gianmarco Ceresi. Hey, that could be the title, the auction block. Step right up. We got it. Once in a while, that title just emerges. I'm on Wild N' Out. The auction block.

What about Wild N' Out? I said I'm on Wild N' Out. Yeah, so you get it. Talk about an auction block Okay Okay I was trying to make everyone laugh Okay

So Don't give me this Okay A lot of black people there I know I know I've been clutching my purse Since I've been on

I'm joking I don't see color Oh yeah So you don't even know Wild N Out Do you know this is quite a... It's a white show, isn't it? I thought this was NPR.

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Gambling problem? For free assistance, call the Connex Ontario Helpline at 1-866-531-2600. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. Red One. We're coming at you. Is the movie event of the holiday season. Santa Claus has been kidnapped. You're going to help us find him.

You can't trust this guy. He's on the list. Is he a naughty lister? Naughty lister? Dwayne Johnson. We got snowmen!ris evans i might just go back to the car let's save christmas i'm not gonna say that say it all right let's save christmas there it is only in theaters november 15th so uh skylar yeah where were you born i was born in philadelphia uh pennsylvania as if people didn't

know where philadelphia was there's a philadelphia new york though oh good yeah well good i was born in philadelphia and then uh yeah i was adopted by honkies whites um you know and when how old were you when you were adopted i was a couple months old i was i was a baby and they uh then i grew up in salt lake city utah do you know why you grew up in salt lake weird place oh yeah oh we're gonna get into it the lake is evaporating it's gonna be gone in yeah it's fucked i think it's a good thing though that shit smells bad i mean it's smelling worse and worse because it's evaporating right that's true but it does is it one big lake not to be a great salt lake yeah the greatest uh can you go swimming in it no well you can't really swim you can float and you'll smell gross you can burn

alive are you like are there spots like the dead sea where you can do that or is it like it's too cold no you can't well it'll get warm but you just you just shouldn't nobody likes it if you go there there's like dead birds in it yeah well yeah do people sail do they motorboat what do they do with this like um people do um you know i've been to salt lake no i i went to salt lake to do one wise guys but it was not in the lake no it's not yeah it's not in the lake um people do have sailboats on it i do remember that uh i don't really remember people sailing like that much on it um because it's i is it pretty is it just shit no it can be pretty at times but then other times it's like you know the i mean we're talking about the lake itself like the salt lake valley can be very pretty at certain times of year the lake is fucking trash as shit it's like desert-y

but then like a big lake basin whatever uh and there's also it's also big enough that there's like different like sides to it there's like a better looking side and there's like the shitty desert-y grossness so your your family uh your your parents what did they ever did they plan to put you up for adoption the moment they had you do Do you know any of this? Yeah, okay. Well, this is somewhat convoluted, I guess. But like, well, it's not convoluted. My biological mother was pregnant, went to have a baby, did not tell my biological father.

He never knew she was pregnant. He didn't know that I existed until I was six years old. Were they dating and she was hiding it like just a lot of pillows in front of her all the time? Yeah, like on a sitcom when an actor gets pregnant she has to hide behind a couch. And they have to fucking fuck with the angles and stuff like that. Yeah, she's like lying on the couch. She's always like popping her head in from behind the door.

Hi honey, what are you doing? The producers are like, I told her to wait! She's gonna be out for a couple episodes. We gotta come up with some bullshit arc. I don't think that they were they might have been, I actually don't know. she's going to be out for a couple episodes. We got to come up with some bullshit arc. Literally. I don't think that they were, they might have been,

I actually don't know. They might have been dating for a little bit. It might have been like a couple of hookups or something like that. I don't quite know the nature of the relationship. I should ask now. Sounds like a situation ship. Seems like it might have been.

Red flags. Yeah. No message is a message. Right. Yeah. Wait, have you connected with either of your parents? Yes, I know my biological father. I need to call him for New Year's.

I still haven't. You gotta hurry. Yeah. I still have two New Year's gifts, and I'm like, it's about to become a birthday gift or next year Christmas gift. It's the ninth. Yeah, it's got me fucked a birthday gift or next year Christmas gift. It's a nice. Yeah, it's it's got me fucked up.

So I got to I got to do that. But what I'm saying that in the sense that like, yeah, we're close. I need to be a better son. I got to be like hitting him. I don't know. I feel like you got a you got a little bit of credit here. Yeah, I get that. I don't know if you need to do anything ever again. That's fair.

That wasn't on him, though. That's what I'm saying. Because he didn't know if you need to do anything ever again. That's fair. That wasn't on him though. That's what I'm saying. Cause he didn't know. He didn't know. He contacted me when I was six years old. So he reached out to my family. On your cell? Oh yeah. On my cell.

Yeah. He, he showed up. No, he contacted my adopted family because he didn't know I existed. And then he had to make the choice because he was allowed at that point to be like, I'm taking him and he's coming with me or you can stay. And then wait,

so wait, Oh wait, And then. Wait. So. Wait. Oh, wait. Hold on. Okay. So your mom, put you up for adoption. Your dad didn't know that you existed. Your dad finds out six years later.

Yeah. Well, he's just, he's catching up and she's like, I wonder what happened to our son. And he's like, what the fuck? Yeah. What son? Yeah. I don't, I don't know how he found. I got to ask so many questions.

Yeah. I don't know. Well, let's get him in here. When you, when you grow up with this stuff, you're just like, oh yeah, whatever. But like, I don't know how he found i gotta ask so many questions i don't know well let's get him in here when you when you grow up with this stuff you're just like oh yeah whatever but like i don't know how he found i think you know what it was i believe and i may be you know bullshitting right now but i think it was my biological mother's sister told him um is what i think happened i wonder if it was told like. Out of love. Or just like fuck up his day.

And you have a son. And he's in Utah now. And he's like oh shit. By the way. And his parents are both white. Like oh no. In a Mormon community. I gotta fix that.

That's not gonna be a regular boy. So he reaches out to your family. When you're six. And he wants you? Well, I think he had to choose. I think that he – we've talked about this in retrospect. He's like, I wasn't in the right place to have a kid. I was just a single dude and being a fuck-up in that time.

So he knows that it wasn't right for him to, like, take me back. He knew that at the time. So he just wanted to get in contact to be like i had no idea and then i think there was a time where he wanted to make that choice but then saw what my life was and where he was at financially and what he was doing do you remember when you were six like did your parents come to you and say hey so your dad's on the phone did you know you were adopted at six? Yeah, I think so. But like they never said like,

it was never spoken or was it spoken? I don't. And did you have siblings in the adopted family? Not, I never had siblings before. I was the first kid of their kids. But I never have a moment of learning that I was adopted. I've just, in my memory, always known that. So they must have been telling me since I was like very, very young.

Yeah. Because I don't remember learning. I don't know what the common thinking of that is these days in terms of when do you tell your kid. I don't know. I feel like you just kind of have to. When do you tell your kid? You probably have to raise a black kid. When do you tell your kid that he's black?

Right. That's the question. I did have to be informed of that. That is something I did have to learn. It was like a reverse Steve Martin in the jerk situation. Yeah. Okay. So your dad calls.

Do you remember talking to your dad? Was this a moment where they said, this is your dad? Yeah. But you know what? In my memory, I think that I have had moments in the past of knowing that before. But I guess I have a memory of talking to him for the first time. But in my memory, I don't remember it like it was the first time. You know what I mean? So again, six is very young.

Yeah, it's so young. So I think that in my my mind i remember what a specific phone call from the past was and i guess that was the first time but right it was much more of a moment for him because he brought it up to me recently because he was like i'm needing my son and you know you're say whatever 20 or whatever and then you uh six years later find out some shit and then you're like fuck all right if you if you find out from one of your exes you have a six-year-old son. Yeah, like your ex. Yeah, that makes sense.

All right. A guy shits out a baby. Okay. Okay. Totally reasonable. Okay. Talk about the downside. You went through a blackout phase.

You never know. You could have blackout for nine months. I'm blackout right now. Okay. So let me put myself in this. And I found out someone else had a kid. I'm a kid. I'm a kid.

Respectfully, no interest. No thanks. Sure. I would say out of sight, out of mind, he's in a different time zone.

I am good. I think six, six, I'm going to stay out of a six years, I'll be like, maybe when they're a teenager, let them know I'm there.

Yeah. But at six, if I talk to the kid, I feel like it's going to fuck them up. It's going to turn them into a standup comedian. And that's the last thing any of us want. Right. I know.

That's what happens. Exactly. At six, you're like, Oh, I got a funny joke. I got it. I can't, I got to write this.

I can't possibly emotionally understand how crazy this is. So I'm just going to make jokes for the rest of my life. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And, and that's, you know,

my entire engine. Was it traumatizing? Or it sounds your that adopted parents were pretty good at like or it's so early that you don't remember the trauma well that that well if we want to talk about the general uh trauma of all of that that was not specifically the traumatizing part of like adoption type shit or like being raised Mormon, for example, there was like layers and layers to, to which the way my childhood would have just been traumatizing by default.

But that moment of finding out, you know, or connecting with my biological father that I wouldn't say is traumatizing. Now, mom, have you ever talked to mom? No, I never have.

Really? No. And you have, do you know her name? Yes, yes i do what if she was behind that door wouldn't that be a great crazy i want to do more i have a little bit of the prank in me the prankster i would love to patreon only patreon only we we review it for the regular but her face is pixelated out and then you have to download the patreon and subscribe to see what you start crying we pixelate your eyes yeah if you want

this emotional juice you got to pay five dollars a month and maury povich is there and he brought her you have no interest um i wouldn't say that i would say i'm a procrastinator right and so it comes up As if The same way you're like I gotta do the dishes Every once in a while I'm like oh I should like meet

My biological mother That's how I am But finding out if I'm gay Yeah it's like It's on your list It's on the back burner Of things For me it's probably

It's like trying pegging Trying to get pegged Yeah trying to get pegged It's like oh it floats in And then you're like I gotta close this In my head I'm like Before I die

Before I die Oh I'll get to it eventually I'll get to it pegged. It's like, oh, it floats in, and then you're like, oh, I got to post this. In my head, I'm like, before I die. Before I die. Oh, I'll get to it eventually. I'll get to it eventually. Wait, pegging or the mom? About the mom. Both. Both. Both of them.

And being gay. Sure. And being gay. All of them. I would say I'll put mom before pegging, probably. And so, like, I'll give pegging to myself as a reward for, like, finding a mom. Yeah. A little twofer.

Yeah. If I find my biological mom, then I'll let myself get pegged. And, you know, it's one of those things where, you know, where those things where you set up something during a date in case you need to leave. You set up to your mom. You're like, hey, I'd love to meet in 30 minutes. I do need to go get pegged. Right. So that's an out.

Always have an out. Always have an out. Yeah. You got to have it. I would simply do it as a stand-up comedian just because there's got to be a new five in there. Oh, I think so. Meeting your biological mom. There's no way you're walking away without something.

That's exactly why you should make any sort of emotional connection ever. Is the minutes. Is the time. This fucking guy is obsessed with bits. Whenever you're in it. He's the machine. John Marco Kreischer over here. Okay.

So then let's talk about this family. Can you just real quick tell me the exact timeline in terms of the Mormon church in regards to letting black people be a member of the church? Well, I can't tell you the exact timeline. You were raised Mormon. Yeah. Yeah. And I still am, baby. It's one of the craziest.

The Mormon church in this rules, it's one of the most, it's hard to believe that anyone's still part of the Mormon church. Well, so the timeline is essentially 1880s Mormon churches formed. They are messing around in Missouri and Illinois and whatever, get kicked out, have to go to Utah, basically colonize Joseph Smith. Joseph Smith. We've all seen Book of Mormon. We all saw Book of Mormon. That's your dad? Yeahize Joseph Smith. That's right. We've all seen Book of Mormon. We all saw Book of Mormon. That's your dad? Yeah, Joseph Smith.

Oh, yeah? Oh, that's him. He's carrying around the golden plates all the time. Nepo baby. I know I'm a nepo baby. I'm a sister wife. Wild announced, Maddie Smith's father started the Mormon.

When they put me in that article, I was like, come on. It's you and the oldest white man. Oh, man. So basically, they were in Utah. They whatever, whatever. The thing is, they let black people in in 1978. Late.

Yeah, that's my joke. That's my bit. It's very late. It's very, very late. Because the government said you can no longer be non-taxed. I thought that's why they did it. Oh, well. Non-taxed?

These churches aren't taxed, right? They're not going to discriminate or something? No, no. What do you mean? Churches are not taxed. Religious institutions are not taxed. And there was a thing. I know my touring company is a church.

Yes, exactly. And if you are, I thought it was the government said, if you don't let, if you start, if you are not letting people in based on their race, you lose your tax exempt status. And then the person said, I had a revelation from God. And he said, it's cool now. I didn't hear that. Here's what I'll say. I haven't heard that.

I haven't, I need to go back and look up a lot of this stuff because as I get older and older, I learn more and more things. Are you going to get to that before or after you meet your biological mother? That one's before because that one's just reading. That one's easy. That one's I can do.

Reading is easy. I can just Google. I can't just type in biological mom into Google. I'm feeling lucky. Hit me. I think that being raised in the church in Utah,

there's so much of a narrative that they push on you and stuff that they don't tell you about. Yeah. So, like, there are a lot of, I would say, active Mormons who don't know about, like, a lot of the Native American massacres that happened in Utah when they got there. Or just a lot of the ways that they've manipulated and stuff that because you just aren't told that stuff so something like that you're always just told oh it was a revelation and you know even that on that level is like insane you know that it's just like oh i have a revelation now but it's like you just aren't told it's so late that's church in general yeah is it surprising though that your parents who are already mormon

would adopt a black child given the history of the mormon because when i did wise guys comedy club i feel i i remember a a black audience member because i was joking about mormon stuff as you do when you're at wise guys of course and they said basically they're like it's so fucking racist here yeah it's so fucking racist yeah so. So is it surprising that your parents would, like, adopt a black child in this wildly racist community? No, here's what I'll say. I've thought about this a lot because it is that Sandra Bullock-esque version of, yes. I was thinking there's,'s like an altruism of their. The blind side but with stand up

comedy. Yeah exactly. It's so funny though. That's my pitch. That's my new pitch. Write that down. Write down that log line. The blind side for stand up comedy. There's a thing of like this like white savior complex that is

in like part of the Mormon ethos because they are trying to bring the church to the entire world. That's why all these missionaries are going around. That's why they go to these places that are like impoverished where a lot of people of color, Latin America, Africa and the shit like that. And they do so much good work. Do they do some good work though? They do. To be fair. They do do some good work though? To be fair. They do some good work,

but it's like- They needed a library. It's filled with just the Book of Mormon. Literally. A through Z. It's all Book of Mormon. We don't need the Dewey decimals.

But ultimately, are they doing it because when they convert people to Mormonism, they're going to get a kickback? There's going to be money? Like, how much of Mormonism is like Scientology

where it's like, we're trying to raise. Here's the thing. You are not getting any financial kickbacks for getting anybody into it. It's just spiritual. And it's like, also like, how do I indoctrinate somebody further into an ideology? You make them put it onto another person.

It's like a, it's a community effort. Community thought is stronger than, you know a priest says this and everybody's like listening to this one guy because then there can be dissent or whatever but if everybody is in charge of like teaching and like pushing the message to each other and uh you know like fucking come come out of no commoditizing not commoditizing uh cooperating it oh yeah then everybody feels like together in this thing so uh that was i think more that it's not like financially of course it's financially motivated for the church itself and you know there was that one report that came out that they have like something like a couple billion dollars in holdings that they weren't

doing anything with and it was like a big expose. We all have savings. Yeah. I just always think it's interesting when I think about the Jews that like the Jews don't – All right, all right. Here we go. You're always on this little rant. Listen, I know.

Listen, let's get Nick Cannon on here. Put your ski mask on. The Jews like that desire to proselytize and to like expand doesn't seem to be within the core DNA of the religion. And this is why we can't get strong enough to actually run the world. Where there's just a degree of like, it's interesting how- Only the weather. Only the weather. Some religions are like, it's just very interesting to me.

And to my mind, it's just very interesting to me and it's like what's to my mind it's what's the end game like i feel like there was a time where the catholic church truly wanted to take over the world they wanted to be the leading political spiritual everything and mormonism is never going to be that no i i think that it's the same as like Manifest Destiny, where in in laid into the idea of it because of the way it was developed. Joseph Smith originally think about Joseph Smith, Brigham Young. They needed to expand and tried to get as much power as they could so they could have sex with teenagers and own slaves. you know, own slaves. So they, part of their thing was like,

well, we need to expand to get more people into this so that we can get more people to pay more money so that we can have more power. And that just built and built and built. And then it got like the same sort of like corporate capitalistic mindset that America has because it's all like centered around this like white male patriarchal like power system thing. That's what the religion is when you get out of it.

Yeah, but it's that mix. I always remember there was a clip of Mitt Romney, who's Mormon. My king. Where there's a degree with a lot of religious people where I think a cynical side of me, I'm just like, well, they don't actually believe in it. And a lot of the-

Mormons do, man. That's what I'm thinking. I think they feel it in their core. So there's this clip of Mitt Romney that came out. Because he's not talking about this on the campaign trail, but it was him on a radio show. And it was him talking about what will happen, like beat for beat, when Jesus comes back.

Oh, my God. It's crazy. When you hear an adult really laying out the details of what's going to happen, you're like,, like really like laying out the details of like what's going to happen. You're like the part of something in me goes, oh, you are crazy. Yeah. Well, I mean, if you get into the the it goes very deep. If you get into I also know everybody who I know who is Mormon is going to be like, what the fuck?

Don't let grandma don't listen. I know they can't. But yeah, when you go through the because there's like a thousand years of darkness mormon is gonna be like what the fuck don't let grandma don't listen i know they can't um but yeah when you go through the because there's like a thousand years of darkness and there's like uh you know the devil is unchained and then or god comes down and chains the devil and then a bunch of people get burned and there's like a thousand years of whatever and then there's like so many different things that are supposed to happen and then we all get separated into these three heavens and all this kind of stuff what are the three heavens we're getting separated in there's um so mormons don't believe

in traditional binary heaven and hell it's um stand up improv and sketch we got a heaven fluid religion yeah that's nice um it's uh you know what's really funny is they don't go binary heaven and hell and then my grandma still doesn't want to like accept that my non-binary uncle uses they them pronouns it's like your whole ideology is based on like abstracting this like idea of a binary yeah it's like you can't have a fluid afterlife you have a non-binary uncle yeah i don't know if i would even say uncle they right it's like but that is the turf cuz I feel I guess Yeah, I have no idea. Let me see. Let me look that up. I think it's I think you just say like relative or just someone say whatever

Crap You're not helping me. So they're all. No, but like. I don't know what the kids are doing. Like with whatever. If brother, sister, you can just like hit sibling. Right.

Like that makes sense. Parent. Someone told me nibbling. What? I'm not. Listen, I don't want to be guessed. Let me look this up. Let's get the fact check. Okay.

This is not Joe Rogan. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Far from it. That. It's a full tangent.

But like. You'll be on Joe Rogan this year. I feel. Wow. That'd be crazy. crazy you feel like that no i don't feel like that 2025 is my year 2025 oh the next two years you're sitting out we're doing prep work okay we're laying the foundation laying the foundation saying a lot of stuff about gender yeah exactly john marco let's have a race to see who gets on rogan first listen if i if i get a

rogan i'm gonna have to i'm gonna have to go on there if i'm gonna stay true to my tweets i'm gonna have to go in there and be like, all right, Joe, I got some problems. I can't. Listen, can I just say something real quick? We're all trying to stay true to our tweets, by the way. This is a really side thing. There is a comedian.

We can't. Please, let's not say it. I have a real problem with. You're going to tell me after though, right? Yeah, yeah. Okay, good. I have a real problem with. And the Patreon.

Yes. I have a real problem with uh with what they patreon yes i have a real problem with with with uh the way they've they've conducted themselves and the things that they have uh allied themselves with to a degree beyond it's not like that joke was offensive like i think their whole i think the things that they support and and in my mind i was like i'm not i'm not gonna be i'm not i don't want to be hi how are you i don't want to i i'm not gonna I'm not going to be, I don't want to be, hi, how are you? I don't want to, I'm not going to go, fuck you. But I'm like, stop.

I know what you mean. And then dude, I fucking came out of the spot and I saw them and they said, hi. And I went, hi, how are you? And I walked away and I was like, God damn it, John Marco. You suck. Well, you changed your tone. You suck. I definitely.

If you say that to me, I would say, oh, he's mad at me. Oh yeah. I definitely was changed your tone. You suck. I definitely. If you say that to me, I would say, oh, he's mad at me. Oh, yeah. I definitely was not friendly. Right. Yeah. But I could not believe, as the words came out of my mouth, I said, you. And I did, my therapist on this was like, prepare for the thing you know that you like revert to your old habits.

Right. And it didn't matter. It's okay, though. How are you? Well, especially, now we're two tangents deep. But it's especially really hard in comedy where it's like, well, we get so close to these like evil people sometimes. And you got to be like, you're also like, oh yeah, you know Nick Cannon. I'm just kidding.

Listen, I didn't want to say. Look, I'm an ally to the Jewish people. I'm an ally to the birthing, breeding community. That's true. He's a breeder. We need more of those. breeding community. That's true.

He's a breeder. We need more of those. It's hard to be like, because you can't fully all the time just be like, fuck you. You'd fucking be like a meat because you're just going to cause problems and get in beef

that you might not even be involved in. You just like know that this person is bad. But maybe you should be doing that. Maybe you should. I agree. I agree. But if you did it every single time on every single level,

you would have no career. You'd still get spies, but it's just energy to a colleague. And that's why you just have to conduct yourself in a way that you avoid those people. And then when everybody, when you're calling out these things, call out what needs to be called out, avoid and not get involved unless you're really going to functionally. Maybe we should all be calling out all the fucking fucked up shit all the time. And I think that's probably true.

When do you call it out? I don't know. I don't know. I'm a woman and I see a lot of stuff. You guys are overwhelming me and I'm freaking out right now. No, I'm kidding. I'll tell you what I mean. There's a lot to call out.

It was for me particularly. My turning point was it was after the shooting at that gay bar like a month ago. I don't know if you remember. Yes. And like this person. In Colorado, right? Yeah, this person just put out something that was like the day of. Oh, I hate that.

And it was like, you know, it was a joke at the expense of trans people in a way where I was like, what the? And for me, it's like, okay, well, how close do these two events have to come before you go like, fuck this. This is fucking. I hate that. Well, you call it out then. You call it out in the moment. And then you also are just like, I mean, I don't know. It's just like when those people want to have a problem.

Because if you want to have a problem, we can have a problem. But it's like then you're just gonna have beef and it might be for the good reason right you might be righteous in it but it's fucking hard because then if it's not them it's somebody else and there's like a no no and to me call they've already proven that they're not worth arguing with yeah with the information that they've displayed that they believe in so why even have a discussion yeah if that's the if that they've displayed that they believe in so why even have a discussion if that's the

if that's the brand they want to represent has the Mormon very progressive on trans issues yeah very no

you know I could not find a term for your your non-binary I have no idea relative no they're not they were very

anti-gay for a long time something says ZZ and they're oh yeah the z's are uh not even like z's are like zz i like zz that's sick i don't i don't i have no idea i think whatever you know they want to be identified as is what it is there's no word to revert to but that's what you know this gender stuff is about in in the mormon community no they actually it's my relationship uh with them is actually very great and interesting because they were always the weird uncle because they're weird because they're gay and and had tattoos and stuff like that and it was like yeah exactly oh my god your body's a tumble you never and and now as an adult the way we talk i'm like oh you're like the best person for me to talk to in my family.

Like you have the most to say about things. You have the most like intellect about the world and the most realistic view of the world. And has like been through a lot of stuff. So they have a lot of compassion, like more than what like the religious version of compassion might be and it's like it's interesting to have a certain view of somebody as a child because they're just castigated in this way and then you get older and you're just like this is the most normal of these people yeah yeah it's very weird so so you you grew up you grew up in utah did your parents did their faith did being born in like extend to their parents

and beyond have they been a part of this so this was their world this is truly their world this it was completely their world the house that um i grew up in before my parents got divorced we lived oh your parents are divorced yeah interesting yeah yeah how is that seen in the mormon community um they should have gotten divorced a lot earlier they should have gotten divorced a lot earlier the church was like you should have at a certain lot earlier. They should have gotten divorced a lot earlier. Even ahead of the church, it's like, you should have. At a certain point, yeah. Is the church big on divorce? Like, Catholics are cuckoo about it.

They are not. I'm sure it's different now. I can only speak for when I was growing up, early 2000s, late 90s, of, like, what was going on in the time. But I will say it's discouraged generally or was at the time and was discouraged. Like, I know they should have gotten divorced way earlier, but they tried to work on it because they had religious. They tried to work on it by adopting you. No, that was. Well, they should have never probably been together.

So there's that. But but we lived across the street from our church in that house when i was growing up so and do they have they were they not able to have a child because in the morning having kids having a lot of kids it's like a thing you're supposed to um what do they say multiply and replenish the earth or something but this is not a community with uh what is it called we have multiple wives what is it polygamy polygamy which is not a it's not and they fight the the polygamy accusations all the time and then that happened well there was a time yeah like like joseph smith time like brigham young type shit yeah brigham young like famously it's so weird salt lake city they have the brigham young house where

it's like this is where brigham young lived and it's so big and it's got all these rooms like where all these wives weren't lived and it's like yeah all these wives that were like 14 like what why are we do we still have let's let's tear this down tear that down let's not put that in the center of the city that's weird that's like if you could take tours of like epstein's island yeah exactly and they're like look and we look at all these rooms we live in epstein town. He gave some of them windows. Yeah, exactly. It's awful.

And so, yeah, polygamy was a big thing. Their justification of it was that God told them that they needed to have a lot of kids. And it was in a certain way about like labor, right? Like labor distribution. You're creating these little empires of people where you can have all these people together to create this state basically and to colonize this place. But it was in America, so it wasn't legal. But it wasn't in America. That's why they left. Because it was like – But it wasn't in America. That's why they left. They left to Mexico at the time.

And Native Americans and Mexicans were living there. Colonized it, killed a bunch of people. And then that's when they started doing polygamy a lot. And also on the plains. And was it legal in Mexico? Or did they just have their own country? Yeah, it was like they basically said it was called the State of Deseret, what they called it,

or the Territory of Deseret, where they basically made their own country. They left America. They got kicked out of America, essentially, and then made their own country. And then when they, because of what they were able to do economically, America started expanding, Louisiana Purchase

happened, and they uh almost went to war with america a couple times and then uh america's like we will admit uh utah to the union if you guys stop doing polygamy it that's got to be outlawed because that's weird that's the one clause that americans cared about i think that was the thing. That they were like, there's like some interesting books about how they like persecuted Mormons by like making them not white and stuff. Like in their mind, there's like, there's white people, then there's Mormons. And white people drive like this and Mormons drive like this. Oh my God. I would love a Chris Rock bit of like, there's white people and there's Mormons.

And you know how these Mormons. And Mormons just like thought of mormons is like so separate and one of the things that they would demonize them for is just like that polygamy and stuff like that so uh they told them stop that and you can be involved and i'm sure there's like a lot more details of that shit i'm not like a complete expert on our history but yeah better we know more than us that's two co-hosts who are in the dark yeah that's that's just a that's a it's wild um it's a wild place it's a wild state why utah though do you know why it was because utah's not close to um you know utah's up here right in the story well it's well because no back in the day so america was like i'm gonna do a thing so america was like you know this little part and then there was like this much of the rest of the continental yeah yeah and mexico went from there

all the way up to like uh i see you know like washington and uh fucking like all the way up where california is and and all that shit was all Mexico. Do Mormons lean on this shit, though, to like consider themselves like a minority? The fact that they were persecuted. They're like, we were like, maybe we're the real Jews, actually. Like, it's like on that kind of shit, for real. Kind of everyone does that. Yeah.

You know, Irish people were slave ones. Yeah, exactly. Did Mormons, this feels like the answer is yes did mormons have slaves or was this after mormons mormonism started after slavery no here's the thing they acted like they didn't but they they don't tell you they had different terms no no no well kind of this is an indentured servant. Friend. They don't tell you that there were slave owners that went across the plains and then settled in Utah. Not Utah yet, but that area was an area where they would have slaves.

And they do a lot of historical erasure and act like they didn't have slaves around. But a couple people did. It wasn't like plantations. they didn't really have fields like that because you can't really plant like that out there the same way you can in the south but yeah there were some slaves around so this is a wild history it really is kind of it really is interesting this is awesome i know it feels like that yeah i do there is something interesting just to me about white people going to these other white people be like you're you have too many wives yes get the fuck out of here yes this is weird it's very funny for back then with all

the weird shit they were doing they're like this is weird well here's what i'll say that they're 14 but the fact that there's three of them right that's weird and then there was also i i had a bit about how uh mormons were very anti-interracial marriage and so but they were like okay with like polygamy and like marrying underage women so it's like oh yeah it's fine that she's 14 but just don't with if she's black like uh like that's like a weird for every three white one black that's okay i it'd have a whole system. You gotta have, it's a diversity hire. But it's very, my perspective on it is the Mormon story, the whole narrative of Mormonism is very like,

it's a microcosm of our American story. Because it's like, we were religious in this way. We got persecuted. We went out to this place. We colonized this place that we thought was our own, that was like the chosen land. And we killed a bunch of people to do it and then we because we economically expanded enough then became a valid part of you know the globe or country like it's it was it very much reflects what happened on the mayflower and all that kind of stuff which i find very interesting because that's why utah becomes even more of a microcosm

of white-centric world and the patriarchy because that's what America is in a grander sense. Yeah. It's like an America within America. Yeah, it's like a tinier America. So what is it like growing up in a Mormon community? Did you like anything about it? Do you look back?

Do you remember when you believed in it? Do you remember? Yeah, I do. Was it a warm feeling? Yeah, it feels good. And was the school you went to also Mormon, or did you go to a public school? I went to a public school that was also Mormon. Oh, wow.

Like, I go to the public school, but, but like at least half the kids there are Mormon. Right. And like all the stuff I'm saying, it's definitely changed now. It's been a good amount of time since then. But most of the time, most of the public schools or wherever you'd be, most of the people there would be, yeah, Mormon families. And even though it's not a traditional, like this is a Mormon community, it's weird to have so many people in the same state be the same thing. Now I think the makeup is maybe like, maybe 30% of the people in the state, maybe. But it's still a lot.

Yeah. And do you remember it, were people like, what do you, I mean, this is, I guess, but what is Mormon racism like? I have a story. So the first time that my mom took me to church, like after they had adopted me and got me from Philadelphia, I was like in a baby, like, what do you call them? Like a bassinet? Yeah, you were probably a little baby, right? Yeah, I was a little baby.

And it was like folded over like one of those little baby yodapods or whatever and um everybody was gathering around because like oh yeah new baby whatever my mom pulls back the thing pulls back the thing and apparently there's a i'm gonna write it in the way that it's a gasp okay and somebody goes oh that baby's a negro said the word negro first time in a church my black ass called a negro first time i had been there as a your parents told you that my mom told me that years later yeah and how did your mom great story was your mom like rightfully offended in that moment yeah well she she goes that's not a word we say anymore is something that she said but like that's uh it was an older man and yeah and so there's that there's there's the mormons believing that uh the devil was like a black person so they thought that

black people were cursed with black skin because in the in the pre-life they didn't decide to fight with god in like against the devil they were like the people were like on the fence and everybody who was on the fence and didn't get on god's side then got sent to earth and was cursed with being black like that were any of these teachers was it ever uncomfortable where you're in the class and most of the people are white and the teacher's like, guys, do you want to see a picture of the devil? And it's Chris Rock. Like, it just seems like it would be a life full of, like what do you remember when you were cognizant where you were like oh fuck this well here's what it this was a another problem with it too is that

it was that up until i want to say the 1970s and then after they said you know black people can enter that became everybody became more aware of how problematic that was so the devil became more like uh yeah he's mexican ambiguous yeah it's racita jones now and so they just kind of tried to erase the fact that that's what they were saying and putting out and that people hadn't written a bunch of books with like a bunch of racist, weird rhetoric in it. And so I wasn't like keenly aware of all that stuff, but it would be kind of in the background and people would say things to me sometimes and bring it up. And it's like, and my mom would sometimes prep me like in different times and go, Hey, you might hear this thing, but just know that that's not true. That's not what

God said. God said this other thing. God would never be racist or whatever. So like there would be things that would come up, but it wasn't like that wasn't the teaching. You know, they didn't keep teaching that black people were cursed or whatever. It was like, I remember going to seminary in middle school, middle school. school and this is like eighth grade let's say and uh seminary was this uh thing where it's like you got a free period this is how much the church controls the state in utah they a lot of mormon kids get this free period where you go off campus and then get like a religious class. And it's like a religious building that is like just off the high school campus.

Optional? Yeah, that's the question. It's technically, yeah, it's optional. Technically got to be optional. In the Mormon church, it's like kind of required, like culturally required. But they build in this, it's just called free period. Yeah, they build in this free period. They know all these Mormon kids are going to seminary.

The cool thing was, if you wanted to ditch a lot, you could, by the time I stopped believing in it, I was like, I have a free period and I'm going. Mormonism can be kind of cool, kids. Sometimes you can skip the seminary class during your free period. Exactly. Not too many times, though. Yeah, not too many times you go to hell. But in the seminary class, I had this seminary teacher seminary teacher brother pond who was doing this whole shout out to brother pond like he watches this um he had this whole lesson about why uh god did not

allow uh african americans into the church until 1978 and it was all twisted and yeah it was like this weird justification of like well back in the day um god only you know had the israelites as his chosen people and and but then he expanded that to the gentiles and then later he expanded that to like women maybe and then later so like the whole lesson he's like he's's like, and, and, and, and then, well, okay. Okay. Okay.

Yeah. I have black friends. Right, right, right. Guys, stop. Guys,

Jesus has black friends. I like hip hop. Is that, so that was like a, that was a time when it was like a lesson of like, the explanation made me more skeptical. Right. That was probably the first germinations of like,

that sounded like bullshit. More skeptical than if they were just like, yeah, we were racist. Yeah, exactly. I would have taken that where it's like, yeah, this is built on the, you know, whatever. That's the problem with religion because like the source material has to be perfect.

Exactly. You can't ever say that was wrong because to say that was wrong it undermines the whole shebang they do this both sides thing though mormons do this both sides thing where they go it's the word of god the prophet interprets the word of god and and and or gets told the word of god and says it and the prophet is the one who says exactly what god is saying and then they turn around and go well the the church is run by men and men are fallible and blah, blah, blah.

And the prophet is a man and he's fallible. The prophet will never lead you astray, but he's also a man and he's fallible. It's like these are two- And God never came back and said, hey, whoa, what the fuck is this shit? Exactly. It's never-

But that's what, I understand why they do that, but this is just not understanding religious people in general, or at least especially those that subscribe to like a church where I'm like, how, how do you balance this in your brain? Because to me. Right. That's why if you're like someone like you, like, it just doesn't make sense after a while.

Yeah. Like you enter high school. Same for me with like Catholicism. You're just like, it doesn't make sense. And I'm like coming into my cognitive being. Did you have, did you have a moment with Catholicism? Like where you said. Well, it was're just like, it doesn't make sense. And I'm like coming into my cognitive being. Did you have, did you have a moment with Catholicism?

Like where you said, well, it was always just like boring as fuck. So I was never, you know, that's the other thing. If we had gone to like a black church,

cause Mormonism is like Catholicism with like less like cool buildings. Snoozefest. Yeah. If we had gone to like a cool church, would you get up?

If I went to black church, I would be praying every single day. I would still be, that's why black people are so religious. Yeah, you're having fun. White people are atheists because, yeah, you made church suck.

Yeah. It's like the whole thing. Black church, the music slaps. People are dancing and stuff. But with the Catholicism thing, to me, it's like there's too much dissonance to maintain it. So that's like when you say it can't. Yeah, you can't be trying to like explain the hypocrisy. It's like, let's sing a song.

Let's sing a good gospel song. And're like okay whatever yeah that's but if you don't have the brain you know yeah then you stay in it yeah and i think catholicism sometimes it's harder to get out it can be very hard to get out catholicism at least has it's been around long enough so it's like it got to that point where it's like either you're in or you're out kind of yeah where mormonism was very much like. I asked the teacher some question like, wait, why did they let black people in in 1978? You're either in or you're out. In or out.

I don't know what to tell you, buddy. Get with it or get out. I don't care. God works in mysterious ways. Whatever you need to say to yourself. What do you want to hear? Mormonism is so much, and especially Salt Lake City Mormonism, because Mormons are like this in general, but in the epicenter of it, it's all just like, we're in this bubble. They tell you not to read a lot of, they tell you not to read other religious texts because they're like, this is, you know, you could get some funny ideas if you read anything else.

I think pre-internet, it was able to continue for a long time as a self-sustained bubble before people got access to sort of their own information by their own means. Like, if I didn't grow up with the internet, I might still be Mormon right now. Really? Yeah, because that's when I started, like, learning stuff. Because it's hard. It would be really hard to get out if that's all you know. Yeah. Right? If that's your whole world of

information the schools that's why there's like one person from every community that's had said something in the history of sure communities yes you know like martin luther was the only one to be like what's going on here right one person's like i think the earth is round yeah could i i think maybe the earth is round and then they put him in jail and then they kill him literally uh so when you did it feel like you made a decision in terms of like leaving did you tell your parents i did tell my parents um it took a while because i want to say this was like post-divorce. I was 15, 16 where I was like, I don't think I believe this. But then my mom was always working. I kind of had to take care of my brothers.

So it was just like for structure and just kind of doing something that I knew was going to make my mom happy. Because she would work so much. So she wouldn't be like getting us to church. So I'd get people to church. Were your brothers, their biological children or adopted as well? They're adopted and they're biological brothers with each other. So they were adopted like eight years after me. So they were younger than me.

And it was like, I was kind of getting everybody to go to church and whatever. And there was a point where it just just became i didn't have to go that much because my mom would be busy and tired and she wouldn't have the energy to get mad about not going and so i would do it less and less because it's hard to get two young kids like six and seven like let's go to church the three of us me as a 16 year old like that's frustrating um and so i just wouldn't do it that much and then i was like kind of getting out of this part of what keeps you so involved in the church too is like your two parents were telling you this and everything in the community and you think that god has blessed you because everything in your

life is going right a lot and like my life just like was not there was like the divorce we were poor i had to like and i was like everybody seems to be having such a good time with all this god stuff and i personally am not having a great time and i'm still being told the same stuff why are we and they're like oh well you just gotta you know let let go and let god and whatever. And I was like, that kind of feels like bullshit. Was that the phrase, let go and let God? Oh, yeah. I feel like I'm full of those like random sort of stupid phrases. Like keep sweet.

Yeah. Keep the faith. Right. Yeah. Keep the faith. Keep the faith. Remember who you are. That's when they'd say a lot.

When you go out, remember who you are. You're like atheist. Yeah. I am. Yeah. Not this. Yeah. you go out remember who you are you're like atheist yeah yeah i am yeah not this yeah is there a thing in the mormon church like the equivalent of confirmation in the catholic yeah you get baptized eight years old you put on eight years old white clothes you get baptized by immersion you go into water how well is it a big pool you go all the way in yeah they dunk you all the way in but there's also so like with with Mormon ceremony, there's also going through the temple. And doing that is when you get old enough to like, you know about the special underwear or whatever, the Mormon garments.

Yeah. I don't know about the garments. There's, they look like. You see underneath his yellow shirt right now? Yeah, right. This is a magic garment. This actually does kind of look like it. Yeah.

It looks like old people underwear, like from the 1880s. Yeah, under their clothes. For everything. For everything. Oh, wow. When you're an adult, after you've gotten married, or when you go on your mission, you go through the temple and you get,

you take your temple covenants, what they call it, and you basically promise to never betray God or whatever. And they do all this ceremonial type stuff that's supposed to be secret they don't want anybody to like talk about it do you do any of this i did not um but it's supposed to be like secret so i'm probably gonna get shot no way this is on google it's on reddit it's on what do they do you can find it no um i think in the back in the day, up until 1990 or something, they used to do some bloodletting rituals. They stopped doing that.

They basically do this thing that's like the creation myth of God, but there are actors sort of portraying Adam and Eve and God and stuff like that. This sounds awesome. I would love to do that. I'm obsessed. Are they booking? I'll do the bloodlet too.

If I get the full experience. If I could open. I did not see this on Actors Access. Do a quick 10 minutes up top. Yeah. Hey, everybody. God's in the house tonight. Adam is definitely a non-union guest.

That's for sure. You're naked. You're wearing one leaf. Fuck, I need the work. It sucks. 200 bucks. You got it. And then they have this like sheet, right?

Where they have these like, uh, uh, like they're like secret handshake type things that you do where you do a secret handshake with a guy through a sheet. It's, it's, there's so much,

I mean, marriage. Yeah. That's, I mean, it's, if you're going to get married or like when you get old enough, I was out just before this.

I, I barely do this. I mean, I probably could. I barely. Go back in and do this. This is great. I mean, I probably could. I could really get back into it. I'm going in, doing all the ceremonies with a GoPro just on my head. I was like, no, no, no. I'm not going to tell anybody.

Don't worry about it. It's opening up. So, yeah, it's a lot of very like high church, like ceremonial stuff that's like based a lot on like Freemasonry type stuff. Yeah. Like that kind of like weirdness and they really want it

to be like secret. Everyone says Jews run the world and then people do this shit. Then Mormons do this shit. People should eat this shit up. Like if you're a conspiracy theorist this sounds like

they have fucking Adam and Eve and then they did a secret handshake through a sheet. Yeah. Meanwhile Jews were just at the deli and were like people are like

Mormons are doing everything They like a good brisket. Yeah.ons are doing everything that people accuse jews of doing right mormons are the ones who are trying to convert you mormons are the ones who are trying to control you they fucking uh they do baptisms for the dead where you go and pretend to be somebody who's died and you get a little card and you're like i'm getting baptized on behalf of this person and then like send it to the afterlife in like some god email right they did that for people like george washington thomas jefferson and frank i know i pointed at you when i said and frank they did wow so in their mind like god goes down to heaven is like and no not you and and frank come on up yeah someone did it

for you uh Not Hesh. They bring Anne up, and Anne's like, all the Nazis that got you, they're up there, because they fucking did the right thing. No, but that's like, it was a big controversy when it happened, but they do that. Do they publicly announce we're going to do this for Anne Frank? I don't know if it's super public.

I don't know how public it, like what the process of it, but they do do it where they like go like these are the baptisms for the dead and it's public information who they've done it so they just have a couple celebrities a day there are a couple anyone there are different people like a lot of people in the past that they've done it for where they say like well they can either like confirm it or deny it in heaven like accept it or not want to do it. But it's still like a very odd thing to do to say we're going to like baptize on behalf of these dead people without their consent. That just seems to be asking to really just piss people off.

Yeah, people have been mad about that for a long time. Wow. That's one of the many controversies of Mormonism. Right. Anne Frank. Wow. I just imagine Anne being so confused as as to what it's like what did i die for it's like what the fuck why would i hate no do they do it any more recent like do they do

it with like recent people like they and nicole smith they're like hey cobain or something they probably did sure i mean i'm sure someone might do it eventually. Again, I'm not caught up with what's going on with Mormonism right now, but it's mostly something. Do you want them to do it for you? No. I mean, I've already been baptized, so they don't need to do that. Oh, right, right, right. It's for non-Mormons.

Exactly. Or people who didn't have the opportunity to get baptized in their mortal physical life. Right, I understand. If they hit up everyone who was in JFL New Faces in 2022. Yeah, yeah, yeah. life right i'm giving them they hit up all the everyone who's in jfo new faces 2022 yeah yeah um they it's mostly something people do for families and stuff right their great grandfather was not baptized but they're mormon and they feel like so many people i imagine you gotta pay for it

yeah and you got well um you pay tithing to the church 10 of your income 10 10 of your income uh i fucking 10 across the board are you filling out forms you fill out a form and your your church income. 10%. 10% of your income. Do they just assume? Or are you filling out forms? Your church nine comes in. That's crazy. 10%. 10% is a lot. We give 10% to people all the time. I know, I'm thinking of

all of my 10% on top of Mormon. Mormon 10? It's up to 60. I have a lawyer. You have a lawyer too? We're moving up. Who's yours? Joseph Smith. Yeah. Mormon 10? It's up to 60. Yeah, yeah. I have a lawyer. You have a lawyer too? Wow, that's a lot. Hey, we're moving up. Who's yours? Joseph Smith.

Yeah, Joseph Smith. Exactly. He's good. He's a good guy. So this is wild. I mean, Mormonism is very interesting. There's a lot to it that I feel like I forget even. There's like so much more that I'm not even representing because there's just so much. I think just because it's the same way with Scientology where because it's a newer religion,

we have all the insane growing problems like right in front of us. There's footage. There's video footage of this, all this shit. I'm sure Catholicism was interesting way back then. Of course. It still is. Are you into it? You're into Catholicism?

Well, just all the kid shit that they try. What's the name of the pope? Actively trying to keep quiet. What's the name of the current pope? Currently? I don kid shit that they try. What's the name of the Pope? They're actively trying to keep quiet. What's the name of the current Pope? Currently? I don't know. Francis, maybe? What's the name of the Pope that just died?

Benedict. There you go. Is that right? That's pretty good. Are those both right? Those are both right, yeah. I think so. No, those are both right.

What's your religious beliefs now? Francis has been more progressive lately, and people are getting pissed. Yeah, more progressive for the Catholic Church. For the Catholic food. They've been stuck in stone for millions of years and it's only because the kid shit started coming out that they're changing. And he's like, yeah, people gotta think we're cool.

You can have sex. Here's a question. Did you have any girlfriends or anything in high school and what was that like? Nope. What was your sex ed like? The sex ed, I mean, don't do it. But don't do it yeah i mean it's don't do it yeah you know but don't

do it on top of religious don't do it right you know uh no girlfriends uh we can't blame sex ed for that scott yeah right well no that was also that's that was more of a race thing than a yeah than a mormon thing were, did you have any black friends? Like, were there any other? Or did you feel like? A little bit, but not a lot. Were your brothers white? My younger adopted brothers are both black.

Okay. I didn't have any close black friends until high school. And even the one person that I'm thinking of is not that close it was one of these things where like every uh black person typically that would even just be in my high school was like basketball or football team and then there were like a smattering of us in like other places and we didn't really do a good job of like uniting as a community yeah um so then what is it like

first of all do you have any religious beliefs now are you a hardcore atheist um i was a hardcore atheist for a while but it i go with whatever's trendy yeah yeah you're spiritual now you're doing all the meditating um a buddhist the white girls are doing buddhism white girls my white mother is doing buddhism now so yeah oh no you're yeah this is the new way it's still trendy i feel like there was a time when it was trending i don't hear about buddhism white girls do buddhism and and uh they manifest and do gratitude now yeah they fake they fake spiritual yeah they do that's actually more individualism that's a big um uh thing of mine that i that bothers me is the white spirituality thing anyway i'll take it over astrology any day.

Yeah, well, astrology is part of it though. That's the problem. Astrology I can't handle. And I can't handle how there's some people who are like, there's some people that want you to be like accepting of astrology,

like be welcoming of other. Like it's not insane. Like it's not insane. Like I'm supposed to like listen to hear about any of it. Right. It's the moon. It's the moon. I know. It's the moon. It'm supposed to like listen to hear about any of it it's right it's it's the moon it's the moon i know it's the moon it used to be like fun to read your horoscopes and now it's like people have gotten so aggressive about it and everybody accused me of being hateful

of astrology because i'm a gemini and everybody hates on gemini people hate gemini you should change that i should i should i should transition from that there's some going to transition. There's some comedian in San Diego. It was just something about how liberal people we believe in. You can be who you want to be. But when it comes to astrology, you cannot. You are this. I know. Yeah.

So I was, I would say, I guess I'm like a little bit agnostic. I used to be a lot more atheist than I've done enough drugs and psychedelics and ayahuasca and stuff that i've seen some stuff and had some hallucinations that were like well that was a lot and i feel like maybe there's something i i'm still uh intellectually materialist in the fact that like my neurons were firing in a certain way and they made something happen uh that said from my conscious point of view which is the only thing that we have to observe the universe i would swear on my life that one time i did travel between

dimensions while i was on ayahuasca right but you know so i don't disagree and that's why i wanted to ayahuasca or the reason i haven't done it. Did you poop your pants? Nope. Okay, people do that sometimes. They poop their pants. One time I did have to poop, but there was a bathroom. Oh, good, good. But it was good.

I heard of people pooping their pants. No, it's how it happens. I heard the throw up. I did not hear about the pooping the pants. I heard the pooping the pants. It goes both ways. It comes out both ways. You're like, dude, I just saw God.

No, you just shat your pants. Oh, that happens. That happens. Sometimes God is shitting your pants. Oh, that happens. That happens. Sometimes God is shitting your pants. God is shitting through you. That's what made you do it, is God sent you such a powerful message that it transmuted through you and turned to shit,

and you shit it out immediately, and it explodes out of you. That's what ayahuasca is. And it feels amazing. And it feels amazing when you do it. When you say you change dimensions, can you describe it at all or can you not even describe it? I've had a lot of the experiences where I can't describe this. If I were to describe it in any way, it was like having a dream, you know.

But I don't physically, I didn't feel as if I fell asleep. And I didn't feel myself waking from sleep. Well, I believe now. Yeah. Interesting. I believe in God now. Very interesting. Do you ever want to do ayahuasca?

I don't know. Dude, I don't know. It's a lot. I think I'm done. I think I've done enough. I only started picking up weed last year. Really? I didn't know you were new to weed.

I thought you were cool. I know, right? Listen to that. I thought you were cool. I know, right? I smoked heavily in my early 20s, dropped off, fixed a lot of mental health issues, got back into weed when it didn't make me feel like an insane person.

Now it's just fun. It's fun. So I'm like, all the drug stuff, I'm like, as I grow as a person, I'll probably be open to it. But currently,

I don't need to be doing that. I did shrooms recently and I'm very happy I did. Yeah. Didn't see God or anything, but felt, felt at one. Felt a certain like everything's an organism.

Yeah. Right. Very cliche. It's very, yeah. It's just funny that moment that I can't help my head being like, oh, everything's one. Wow. Really original. But it's like, that's a profound thought.

It really is a profound thought. Enjoy the profundity of that thought. Well, that's where the cliches come from. Right from is their truisms because they're true right and so it it's like basic and true but like of course it becomes cliche because it's been said i had one very deep like ayahuasca trip where i was like i came out of it being like the answer is love and i really felt that and i was so aware of like I know it's just like it's it's a cliche I know but like that's the thing man it's all love man everything is love

dude like it is how it feels everything is love well let's go on to we gotta wrap this up our next segment is this has gotta stop here it is this has gotta stop Mormonism. I think we have established that.

Do you have a lot of friends who are still Mormon? I have one. I have two friends. There are a couple that are still Mormon. They're very smart and I think would not even maybe take a little bit of exception to what I said even on this podcast but like they're

great and very funny and so they're the only people who i would in my world sort of allow to still be mormon because otherwise i don't really have like friends like that because they just how can we be friends but with them it's somehow like they're so like smart and interesting that i like have had conversations with them about it and they're just like at the end of the day it's like what works for them and like you know it's how they were raised and whatever yeah i i wish but i would i would have trouble getting to that next level of closeness with someone if if they subscribe to a system that i found so fundamentally yes strange that if they if they if they confessed to knowing anything or feeling that like this is the answer if they said i like this community i'd be like okay but if some but if they if they

believed that this wasn't just a guy who just said a bunch of shit and it was the right time in the right place well yes and and not even to speak for them but they have like at certain points left the church and been like not really into so it's you know i don't know exactly what their relationship with it is especially like right now i just know that like they're people who you meet them and you're like i would not immediately or even for a while maybe know that they were this religious in this way and i don't it with who they are and i love them so much i don't like even count that as like something against them you know whereas most people i'm like i can't form a relationship with you at all if you're this deeply about anything

do you still feel a little bit of an otherness since you were raised in a mormon community and like being like like do you is there anything about you that you're like oh i'm different because i grew up in this community oh yeah all the time i feel like a man without a culture i feel like i don't have uh yeah i feel like i don't have culture sometimes because like well yes i'm black and that is been my experience and i've been outside of everything forever and then i'm like i've gotten older and tried to like you know self black shell eyes or whatever it's something that I made up

I mean but did you feel like you were catching up on like a lot of stuff yeah a lot of stuff and all the time I feel like I'm catching up on stuff and me too and then it you're trying to get into the self black shell eyes as well you gotta for a while now you gotta sure every season I go back I think I'm still- You gotta for a while now. You gotta. Sure.

Every season I go back, I think I'm ready to go and there's new slang. Yeah. Do you, like, are you ever like with a group of black people and you go like, oh, I feel like I don't belong here? Well, I mean, there has been, it's less and less over time, I'll say that. Yeah. It's because I've changed because I've grown. Because I moved to Chicago and started started stand up when i was 20 so that you know that's a different trajectory too sure and you're learning stuff and so that like not as much but it also depends on like you know the type of it's also

about like types of people who you're hanging out with yeah and but i feel all the time like i feel a little bit alienated because of my past being outside that way and i feel all the time like i feel a little bit alienated because of my past being outside that way and i feel like i was like alienated even starting out so it now i think of like people talk about like growing up or whatever like talk about like their culture with fondness or something like that or how they you know related to you know oh the food was like this or the music was like this or whatever and i have that where i was in that culture but alienated from it and not even liking it right i'm not like oh yeah the food that we ate in utah the the types of stuff that utah people would do it's like yeah there is that there is that. What am I going to fucking talk about? Like pioneer day,

the fake second, fourth of July holiday that where they celebrate the, I'm like, I don't give a shit about any of that stuff. That's all like, that was alienating to me. So yeah, I do feel very out of place even still. And it's a problem when it comes to like stand up or the industry and stuff,

because then so much of industry stuff is about like who you are identity identity identity what's your thing and then like well i'm like i don't even want to be defined by that either like i also just want to be you know existing in this so i feel that that's another level of alienation it just like yeah i mean yeah i do to answer your question yeah yes yes alienated um well i feel like that was a this has got to stop in its own way oh shit yeah well i have a question what's the cuisine the cuisine yeah i mean think of like any sort of midwest type casseroles and shit yeah yeah a lot of casseroles a lot of but multiple wives are working on it so it's a big ass casserole Guinness records type shit you know

there'd be seven layer dips a lot and wait I'm moving to Utah would you want multiple husbands do you think that would be fun no

no too much yeah I like don't respectfully I really don't like men that much yeah one is good

that makes sense one is good no when you say that when you say that cause you know I hear that but like do you do you really like i like when i'm in a big group of men i'm like no it's fine it's not i'm a boo man i like hanging around women i would have sister wives for sure that's sure when i have like a boyfriend it's called a sorority me

yeah right him and me one-on-one is awesome but then me and all his friends not awesome yeah like one i like one at a time i like one one connection with one man i feel that way about men and women too like i don't like hanging out with that many dudes that much either because you get to be dudes and there's a bunch of us and like where everybody's like trying to be louder than each other and i do i feel very like i just want to i want to sit down and talk about my feelings and stuff. Me too. With one person. Well, it depends on dudes. That's why I'm always with theater dudes or gay men.

Yeah. Right. And it feels like, but like bros. Yeah. I could never be in a fraternity. But also, that's the other thing when I'm talking to black men too. It's like we can sit down and talk about things that we actually feel and the certain alienations that we feel, uh,

just regularly. And, and even in the ways that like we interact with like dating or whatever, or, or all of that stuff, like that feels very like real and, and, uh,

you know, personal to me. So I, uh, like the one-on-oneness of that too. But when it comes to like, yeah, like,

oh, it's going to be a group of all of us it just it it feels like it becomes so uh fake and so much posturing so quickly that's what i feel like my boyfriends will be posturing in front of each other for me yeah one that's what one yeah in a closed room you say tell me everything bad you ever done and then you determine if he's safe. Sure. Yeah. And you have to, you have to like chain him up before you. Oh yeah. He tells you.

Radiator. Let's go on to our final segment. You better count. Wait, that was a segment? We just did. This has got to stop. And are you okay on time?

Yeah. Oh, do you have this? I'm not the co-host. Why, why? I felt bad. I was pushing. We're both going over. Oh, you're good. Do you havehost Why I just I felt bad I was pushing

We're both going over Do you know This has got to stop Yeah I did Then let's go back This has got to stop This has got to stop Sometimes John Margo

Likes to bend the rules Of our podcast You're a rascal You're a rascal Listen one day Listen one day I hope to get to that Joe Rogan place

Where I'm like I hope you cleared out Your day for this Right right Because we're doing Three hours It's 5pm I don't think anyone's Doing a 6pm show Or open break I just remember My agent sitting me down Joe Rogan place where I'm like, I hope you cleared out your day for this. Right, right. Because we're doing three hours. I don't think anyone's doing a 6 p.m. show or open break. I just remember my agent sitting me down.

He's like, there's like three ways to like sell out shows. You have to like big social media, TV thing, or Joe Rogan. And he wasn't saying it like do Joe Rogan, but he was just like, this is a legitimate problem to having a touring career. He was like, you do the Maddie Smith route and get a Wild N Out, and then six years later, you're selling out funny bones everywhere. Selling out.

Rogan. No? How much papering are we doing? What's your This Has Got to Stop? Well, I was going to do something completely different because I was going to talk shit on Elon Musk. But because it came up. Can I pee quickly?

Yeah, go pee. Okay. That's got to stop. No, I'm just kidding. Wait, stop. Should I wait or should I just do it? No, just do it because the editing. Maddie, do you care if we keep that in?

No, you're fine. Okay, great. Okay. Skylar, don't put the mic next to the. Go. No, my this has got to discomfort is that because it came up, the whole sort of white woman spirituality thing, and it's not just...

It's good that we got Maddie out of here before we got into the depth of this. No, no, it's very just this white, like the cultural appropriation of like Hinduism and Taoism and Buddhism and all this stuff as to justify this manifestation through people who have trust funds and are like, it's not manifestation. That's white privilege is what you're talking about.

You've got, that I don't like. Now that's a bit, I think the idea of people thinking the universe, it's like, oh, the universe helped us. No, your rich dad did. Yeah, exactly. And it's something that really gets me because it is not, in many ways, based on any understanding of these concepts at all.

It's like plucking these concepts and completely divorcing them from their cultural, actual history and identity and the community around them and then just going like oh i'm like doing whatever with like crystals and stuff and it's like you don't fucking african children mind those crystals and now you're using it to help your fucking and you're doing your gratitude in a workbook you bought at rite aid yeah that's like be your best self in 2023 but i I'll tell you, there really is this thing now where

if you like insult astrology, you insult that. I feel a degree where it's like look at typical guy, look at this guy being just, oh, you're going to mansplain the planets to me and you get stuck, gets trapped. Yeah. Now, do you have friends who are into crystals?

No, not really. That's good. I have friends who are into crystals? No, not really. That's good. I have friends who- I can't handle it. I can't. You can do it. I'm not going to attack you if you're into crystals, but I can't be- If Tova got really into crystals all of a sudden, it would be a struggle.

It would be a struggle because I would just feel like saying all the time, you know, though. Right. You know. The problem, too, with is like there's a problematic element to it and so people can because i don't i didn't mean to make it like i don't want to make it so gendered because astrology is part of this and blah blah blah but but the fact that it's like it's often very white centric it's the people i met through doing ayahuasca i met a lot of these super woo-woo spiritual people these people think that they're

good because they have abstracted themselves from their accountability by adopting these new words and all this type of stuff but they're still like oppressive and they will be weirdly like conservative and there's that whole like there's this weird alt-right edge to like wellness culture that's gotten very weird and there's like this like very like psychedelic like anti-semitic type culture that happens where it's people who like you know take you you take psychedelics you go a lot of this stuff is lies you know and then people start getting into like conspiratorial the big lie lie. Don't take vaccines. Like, and it's always like, it's never like,

Ooh, everything is one, including my bank account. Right. It's never, it's never a lesson other than I feel better about not dying now. Yeah. And it's,

it's all self-serving. It's all very self-serving. It's so individualistic. Yeah. Yeah. So when we Westernize Eastern spirituality like that, that has got to stop. I feel like it's a new weapon now.

Next time someone talks astrology, instead of me being like, that's stupid, I'm going to be like, that's cultural appropriation. Exactly. Because there's one way to freak out a couple white people,

to accuse them of cultural appropriation. Knock them down with CA, game over. They'll write a notes app apology real quick. Great. That was a good one. That was a good one. That was a good one. Let's go on to...

Douglas Goodhart on the mic. Now, this was played at the Mormon church. That would have been better. We'd be joining now. It would have been better. Google Mormon Tabernacle Choir. I've been there. I went there when I did Wise Guys

and that shit was crazy. You went to like the show? They do a rehearsal on Thursdays. You can go for free. Ooh. Was it good? Yeah. Acoustics were crazy.

The acoustics are good. It's not songs you'd want to listen to. No, no. It's hymns. It's like Amazing Grace and some other ones. I'm going to go back to Wise Guys just so I can go to that.

Very simplistic building. Yeah. Wise Guys was great. I had going to go back to Wise Guys just so I can go to that. Very simplistic building. Yeah. Wise Guys was a great, I had a great time at Wise Guys. Wise Guys is great. Yeah. They were, the audience was not sensitive.

They were like the fun Mormons. I mean, I don't know if it's good or not because I'm like, you're wrong, but they had fun. The Mormons aren't in the crowd. Not really.

The people who go out to Wise Guys are all the people who would have been like me growing up there or if I live there now who are like, I who are, who would have been like me growing up there. Or if I live there now, who are like, I'm so tired of being here. And like, everybody's acting like this. So they will love the comedy because they're like, they're making fun of the stuff that we feel like all the time. And it's somebody from, you're from out of town.

You're coming in, you're making fun of it. You're like, they get it. They see what the thing is. I had an amazing set there when i did the when i headlined the first time it was great all right well if we get in talking about amazing sets we all have no no no i just love like no i know i'm sorry i know no i'm joking i thought i just thought it was really special no we'll title this skylar had an amazing set in utah amazing set it Amazing set. It was so good. It was so good. So this is where we say one thing we're thankful for. Okay, with your easternized, westernized.

Easternized. Booze-ism. I can't talk right now. Yeah. Buddhism. What's something you're thankful for? I'm thankful for seltzer. I'm thankful for La Corra.

Yeah. Always. That shit pulls through clutch. You walked in. Maddie walked in. She texted before. Do you have water? She made sure.

And of course I had water. Some people, they have water, but they give you a dusty old glass of warm tap water and when i said you know what i mean when i say do you have water but when i said man i do want to sell she said i want two and two different flavors it was very very specific it's like i'm grateful for them can't tell you i have a writer you know a writer for some of these comedy clubs and like seltzer in it you might have seltzer in it so i go there yeah and they give they have they bought 24 cans of seltzer for me and i'm like oh i feel bad they wasted like sometimes i say coffee and i like almond milk and then they buy a jug of almond milk

and i'm like and i and then i end up not even having coffee because i don't have coffee that late i know i need to take it out of the rider frank my qualm with the uh the seltzer rider is it's a 24 pack of plain seltzer i'm like mix, mix it up. I need to be more grateful. I'm grateful for seltzer. You're grateful for seltzer. What's your favorite La Croix flavor? Lemonchilo.

Oh, I hate lemonchilo. Really? I hate it. I got it and Russell had to drink all of it. It's like a lemon pie. Delicious. I am a plain pompo mousse.

I like plain. I like pompo mousse, coconut sometimes. Okay. What's your favorite La Croix flavor? I like a watermelon. I like pompo mousse, coconut sometimes. Okay. What's your favorite La Croix flavor? I like a watermelon. I like a watermelon.

Watermelon. How often have you had? This was my first one. It said it was new. Really? Well, I like it. I don't know. I don't think I have it

committed to memory. Take another one your way. Every time I get a new flavor, I'm going to hate it. I know it. They have some weird flavors coming out too, like hibiscus

and stuff like that. Hibiscus, I'd be interested in. Some people hate La Croix. I think it's good. I just think you can't let it get flat. You can't let it get flat. These people who drink it flat, what are you doing?

Get out of here. Get out of my country. I like drinking seltzer on stage, but then I get all burpy. I know. I get all burpy. Sometimes that burp comes as you're doing the punchline. You got to do a little off the mic. I hate that mic Not good

Do you really drink Seltzer on stage Yeah Pellegrino I have Pellegrino At the cellar Every fucking night I should have said A cold Pellegrino

At the cellar At the cellar Yeah the comedy cellar I get a good Yes I do Yeah And I get burpy And that's why

The set didn't go great Let's see Do you have something You're thankful for? Man, you know what? I'm going to be honest. I'm thankful for frigging New York City, man. I've been here for a month.

It's really cool. That's crazy. You started off complaining, and now we're here. And now I like booking and doing things. Yeah, absolutely. I like the whole thing. Absolutely. Full circle.

I really love this city. I love the amount of cultures that are here. I love, you know. Are you going to move here? Yeah, eventually. Soon-ish. Soon-ish. Which comes first, meeting your biological mother or moving to New York City?

New York first. Really procrastinating. This mom's never happened to me. Never. No, exactly. Because I have so many things to do. Right. I'm booked.

I'm busy. What state does she live in? I don't know. Do you have her number? No. So you'd have to go to your dad and get the number? Yeah. Do you know if the dad and her ever like, you fuck what now yeah now no why now no well he's

married now oh he's married he's got other kids he doesn't he doesn't have time for that have you ever met your your half siblings yeah definitely are they cool yeah they're great what's your dad do uh he runs a t-shirt company oh cool yeah shit Does he do with merch Because I need a new merch person Is he in Philly Yeah he's in Philly Cool Yeah Wow

Has he ever seen you do stand up Oh plenty of times Oh cool Plenty of times He's very supportive He's you know Like you know Biggest fan type

If you're on your deathbed Do you want your dad Your biological dad To be there My biological dad Yes My adopted dad No

No He should already be dead Yeah what's his deal Oh he sucks Hey what about this If your mom's getting into Buddhism Your dad sucks Yeah My biological dad, yes. My adopted dad, no. He should already be dead. Yeah, what's his deal? Oh, he sucks. Hey, what about this for a movie pitch? If your mom's getting into Buddhism, your dad sucks. Yeah. How about this for a movie pitch?

You setting up your biological dad with your adopted mom. Okay. How about that? I like it. I've never heard that done before. It's like a parent trap. Adopted parent trap. All my movie pitches are inspired.

I'm working on a parent trap movie right now. But that is so interesting where you love, and in this movie, your adopted parents are still married, so you got to break it up and get your dad. That's cool. Okay, that's cool. Right at that. That's a couple of things.

Okay. I'm thankful for parent trap house. Yeah. Woo. And we're all on crack, yeah. Woo. All right. What am I thankful for?

Fuck, I always forget to think about something I'm thankful for. Yeah. I'm thankful I didn't get shot in that fucking thing. Yeah, totally. Yeah, you can't be getting shot. Sometimes I just make it my girlfriend, and then it's so much of my girlfriend. And I do think she likes it, but that gets boring for the list. I'm thankful for- Man, you don't want to's you know that gets boring for the listeners I'm thankful for

you know what here's what I'm thankful for and sorry to say this I did The Little Room at Cap City Comedy Club in Austin oh I'll be there in a few weeks hell yeah

Little Room or you're doing The Big Room Little Room Little Room Tom Marco you think I sell more tickets than I do and I'm honored

I do think I am under the impression of that yeah I'm gonna keep that going you're like I'm regretting having you co-host I'm like damn this theater is full

oh it was a Burt Kreischer show. That's what it was. Yeah, literally. Sometimes people do open for those big folks, and they don't make it clear in all the pictures. Oh. That's the show they're performing on. They're like, thank you, Denver.

Yeah. And it was, you opened for someone. And Denver's like, bring Bird out now. But you did five minutes because you live there. But I am thankful. And you never know whether it's the club or it's yourself. But I've done these little rooms in Helium. And you always hope you can sell it out at a second show.

And for Austin, both first shows sold out. That's awesome. And then one of the other later shows sold out. So three sold out shows in the little room. And we had some Debbie Downsiders there. That's what our fans are called. That's awesome. Oh, that's cool.

That's great. So it's very cool. And it feels good. And some of these touring gigs financially are rough unless you can do that thing. Absolutely. Then it becomes like, that's a good weekend now. Absolutely. This episode is coming out January 24th.

What time is Wildin' Out on tonight? Probably 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, right after Ridiculousness airs all day. Anything you want to plug? January 24th. Maddysmithcomedy.com for all my dates. I'm coming to Plano, Texas, Austin, Texas. I think I'm doing the little Indianapolis. Indianapolis, Helium Indianapolis.

St. Louis, Helium. Yeah, doing the Helium run. And I don't know other stuff. Just follow me, maddie smith and catch me co-hosting the downside yes bye russell uh uh skylar anything you want to plug um when did you say it was coming out january 24th um you know what skylar higley on twitter and instagram skylarhigley.com i don't i don't tour that much yet trying it's coming trying this podcast your agent's gonna say there's three things that make you tour.

John Marco, Matty, and Skyler. I will be headlining Thursday, January 26th at Comedy Connection in Rhode Island. Oh, that's a good club. Tickets were going good, so go to that. Also be February 8th headlining Comedy Zone in Charlotte. Did I skip a weekend here? I'm going to be in Bethlehem February 4th. But as always, just go to my things.

Sign up for the email list, the text list. Links are all in the description. And then join the Patreon, patreon.com slash downside. We got more live episodes. We got so much coming. We got some merch that we're working on. And, oh, I wanted to end this episode. I haven't played a Night Terror for my girlfriend in a long time. Okay. And I think we're working on. Oh, I wanted to end this episode. I haven't played a Night Terror

from my girlfriend in a long time. And I think we might end episodes with Night Terrors. She has Night Terrors, Severe, and we have an app that records them. Oh, so we're just gonna listen to her Night Terror?

Yeah, we're gonna listen. And it does feel a little bit like, ooh, she would be hearing this. Oh my God. And she knows you're doing it? She knows that we're, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it sounds so scary. I deserve to get

something from the shit you have no idea okay you have well you will have some idea after this this is tova oh nope this is tova oh wait no wait that's wrong okay that was a different one i just added a new one today what the fuck hold up Hold up. Hold up. That was an old one. I'll play this one too just so you hear it. So this is her. She was on vacation with friends and she didn't tell them

that she had night terrors so she forgot to. Oh my gosh. Wait. It's Tova. It's Tova. It's Tova. It's Tova.

It's Tova. It's Tova. It's Tova. It's me. It's me. That's all her? No, no. So the first one was her

then everyone else started screaming. Her in four voices. And then the one person who knew about her night terrors was Ortova, I think, like woke up and was like, no, no, no, it's me, I have night terrors. Okay, so this one, I'm putting it in right. What do you do? Oh, I know where I put it.

I'm not going to take more time, but I want to. Okay. Whoa! No, my God, we can't. No, we know, we know, no know no no we can't we have to listen everyone's gotta stop we gotta go to hell oh no that's bad so that is uh that's uh yeah every night wow those nights she well you guys are going on

oh i wake up and like sometimes i don't remember it so now we have the app where we're like i i will say something like it's okay it's it's okay but i just know like i wake up in the morning and i'm like why do i feel like death yeah and then we listen back we're like jesus christ because you had to go to hell that's what she said she said you have to go to hell but that's the the emotions will flip that fist so like you know it's like it's big no my god we can't no we know we know no no we can't we have to let everyone's gotta stop and then we gotta go to hell and then she goes right back to sleep so she will get really extreme and then go right back to sleep and I'll be wide awake. Does she remember her dreams?

No. Oh, wow. Never, never has she ever remembered what one of these night terrors were. Wow. Every once in a while she'll have one where it's like she loses her glasses. Let me just play one more just because it's fun and then we'll send this out. Yeah, I agree. Oh, no, that's what a night terror I had.

So she caught me. Oh, my God. So she had this app on. And this is the kind of night terrors I have. Yeah, I agree 100%. So I'm clearly- You're literally talking to an agent. I'm clearly talking like business, something very-

You're literally talking to a sales manager. You're saying the first show sold out? That's great. You've got to get on Rogan. You've got to get on Rogan, John Markle. Let's see it. Oh, my God. How do my glasses work?

I don't. They don't, though, but I'm confused. I'm sorry. That's okay. Don't worry about me. I'm scared. Oh, my God. No. I'm sorry. That's okay. Don't worry about me. I'm scared. Oh my God. No.

I just... I don't want my glasses on. Wow. That makes me so sad. I want to record myself now. Also, it is funny. This is... She doesn't know how her glasses work. The downside.

One, two, three. Downside. One, two, three. Downside. You're listening to The Downside. The Downside. With Gianmarco Ceresi.