The Downside with Gianmarco Soresi - #121 Not The Biggest Deal with Todd Barry

Episode Date: January 31, 2023

Comedian Todd Barry joins to discuss getting bumped down from first class, being a substitute teacher, accidentally following me on twitter, my mom’s penchant for returning gifts, writing for the VMA’s, and being called the “little writer guy” by Beck’s assistant.  You can watch full video of this episode HERE! Join the Patreon for ad-free episodes, exclusive content, and MORE. Follow Todd Barry on Instagram, Twitter, & TikTok Watch Todd's specials "Spicy Honey" on Netflix and "Todd Barry: The Crowd Work Tour" on Amazon Read Todd's book, Thank You For Coming to Hattiesburg For all the latest, visit https://www.toddbarry.com/ and https://linktr.ee/toddbarry Follow Gianmarco Soresi on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, & YouTube Subscribe to Gianmarco Soresi's email & texting lists Check out Gianmarco Soresi's bi-monthly show in NYC Get tickets to see Gianmarco Soresi in a city near you Watch Gianmarco Soresi's special "Shelf Life" on Amazon Follow Russell Daniels on Twitter & Instagram See Russell in Titanique in NYC! E-mail the show at [e-mail] Produced by Paige Asachika & Gianmarco Soresi Video edited by Dave Columbo Special Thanks Tovah Silbermann Part of the Authentic Podcast Network Original music by Douglas Goodhart Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to The Downside. My name is Marcus Rezzi. I'm here with my co-host Russell Daniels. We're also joined by a producer, Paige. Hello. Paige, is that moniker okay? Producer Paige? Sure, I love that. And then, we're so lucky, we have our white whales. We have our white whale. Moby Dick was the guy. Yeah. And very happy

to have him here Todd Berry welcome to the Downside thank you for that literary reference yeah do you know the first word

the first sentence of Moby Dick I don't in a way that I know it but if you said it I would be like that's it Todd do you know it

no I've never read I've never read Moby Dick Paige no wow I feel very smart. Do you know? What is it? Call Me Ishmael.

Yes. See? Yeah, we all know it, but you know. Yeah. Well, we like to say something negative to kick off the theme music. Is there anything that's bothering you today? I'm not getting upgraded on my flight to L.A. tomorrow. This is the downside.

One, two, three. Downside. You're listening to The Downside. The Downside. With Gianmarco Cerezi. What's your airline? United. This is clearly a tongue-in-cheek complaint, but it is kind of.

Let's make it a real end tongue-in-cheek complaint but it is kind of let's make it a real and tongue-in-cheek complaint let me not spell out when something's tongue-in-cheek maybe i was just so worried like oh i'm just making me sound like an asshole but then i was like that's the whole theme of the show exactly has to be a complaining asshole right yeah originally i was going to be called am i an asshole was an idea but then are you garbage came out and i was like well okay so i'm a united platinum million mile lifetimer uh and i'm number 11 on the upgrade list i requested with these things called plus points this is such a boring way to start the show but and then you you know a couple days before the flight, you see with the upgrade list,

and it's like 42 seats available, 41 are booked, and you're number 11. Uh-huh. And so I'm going to just be in the economy plus. I'm sorry to bum all you guys out like that. Listen, I'm a Delta man. Most comics are Delta people. I was just told,

people, everyone said that's the reliable one well yeah I could use a backup though yeah I could use a second one I thought I was gonna go with American but you're a United man

I mean it just turned out that way it wasn't like I love this airline so much it's just kind of like I've been with them since they were

Continental Airlines wow then they became United and then well they merged with United or got swallowed by United so yeah I've been

with them a long time I've always said Spirit Airlines got purchased by a different company I forget which one Frontier and if Frontier, if their name stops being Spirit, so many comedians bits

dated forever it's it's gonna be like that's gonna kill a lot of them you're more of a trump airlines yeah you've missed that one for a long time yeah um no i'm more of a jet blue i like it when i can yeah there's just not enough i got the card and i know delta is good good. For whatever reason, I've had mainly bad experiences with United, so I don't like United. I feel like you can put in any airline name and write sucks next to it into Google, and you're going to get 85,000 hits. Exactly, yes.

I will say, since this is a complaint podcast, I don't know if I mentioned Delta. When I got my bag, the bottom wheel was smashed and destroyed, and they said they didn't cover it. I mean, they obliterated it, but I got my bag, the bottom wheel was smashed and destroyed. And they said they didn't cover it. I mean, they obliterated it. But I argued with them. I got $340 for the airline. Wow.

That's a lot. That is a lot. I was recently, you want to hear a story? I do want to hear a story. I was recently on a flight. I don't know where I was going. And someone came on the flight. And I got a text while I was sitting on the plane before it took off.

It said, you've been upgraded. So I walk up to my new seat. And then this guy gets on the plane. And he's like, yeah, you took the seat of someone we didn't think was showing up. So we're moving you back. Oh, no. So I complained. I wrote to United.

And I even said, this is not the biggest deal in the world, because I wanted to soften the blow from the 800 other complaint emails that I've sent. But I said, you know, it's just a little weird to be upgraded, then downgraded. Did they get back? 10,000 miles they gave me. That's very funny.

I think they gave me 20,000 miles. But you put in the email, it's not the biggest deal. I have never put that in a complaint email in my entire life. You think everyone's reaching out to them with it, like in all caps. Right. Like, so by being like. This guy's priorities make sense. Let's give him some miles.

This guy's an easygoing, constant complainer. I would do like, I would do more like this ranks third in the complaints that you have yet to address from previous flights. But I mean, I almost didn't write to them. It was kind of a slam dunk. What do you say? You upgraded me and downgraded me in front. I had to walk up and walk back in front of all these people who didn't give a shit. I got a DoorDash refund in full today.

It was supposed to come at 8 o'clock. It kept going back, and then it hit 840, and I had to go. I had to go, and I complained I got a full today. It was supposed to come at eight o'clock. It kept going back and then it hit eight 40 and I had to go. I had to go. And I got complained. I got a full refund. There you go. And I got the food. Good.

So, um, well, speaking of complaints before we, we talk about you and your life. I have a, tonight's a big night. I'm,

I, I have a girlfriend, Tova Silverman. Yeah. And, uh, uh, it's a late Christmas gift.

And I'm taking her. I just, I kind of gave up on creative ideas. I'm taking her to a jewelry place called Catbird. I'm going to, we're going to go. I got a budget in mind. And we're going to, I'm going to ask the person to show us around. Because I'm not picking jewelry without her there. And I feel, I hate jewelry.

It's one of those things I always thought like this is bad. But then you're dating someone and she just wanted a nice piece of jewelry. And I've had a couple of girlfriends where like jewelry, it meant something. There's no way to get away from it. There's no way to get away from it there's no way to get away from jewelry and uh i'm debating you know the number in my head i get scared she's gonna see something really nice and it's above that number is this just a christmas gift or i mean no just just a christmas just a christmas a late christmas but every year we got christmas

birthday anniversary valentine's Day how late is this jewelry store open it closes at 7 today okay is there an experience like are you like are they like kind of like

giving you champagne like what's the no no I was in the thrift store recently and they gave me champagne and I said

uh oh and I picked up this t-shirt wait were you really yeah in Los Angeles my sister my sister who works at Celine first mistake she helps me shop for things for the one time I'm on TV a year.

And I found this shirt. I was like, this is kind of cool. Price tag, $550. Oh, my God. And I said, I'll take another champagne before we get the fuck out of here for H&M. So you have a price in mind, and you can't say. No, I'll say it. I'll say it.

I'm thinking $1,000. Does she know you're taking her there tonight? Yes, she does. Okay. This has been a prolonged gift. We've been dating for two years, so we're definitely at the point where there's kind of like a, are we doing gifts for Christmas?

Really? I'll take you to the jewelry. I think that's fun, but I mean. Four is a lot every year. I talked to a couple, Caitlin Palufo and Steve Rogers. They said,

they talked about their gifts. They sounded great. I was jealous. I said, oh, he's a better man than me. And she said, they do one gift a year. One gift a year,

I'll knock it out of the park. Four is a lot. Wait, why is it four? Birthday. Uh-huh. Anniversary. Oh, okay. Valentine's Day.

Christmas. I feel like Valentine's Day and anniversary could be flowers and let's go eat somewhere. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, a meal. A meal, yeah.

Well, you've never dated my girlfriend. You're right, I have not. That would be a shocking revelation. I know. And a shittier comic would have been, to my girlfriend. You're right, I have not. That would be a shocking revelation. And a shittier comic would have been, I haven't.

Well, I said, I tried, it's a new, where I say, you know, my girlfriend slept with some comedians.

Not a lot, but enough for a show. And I've tried to build that out. Like a Christmas show. A lot of Jews. So, what about you?

What's the last, how many gifts do you get your wife a year I don't know I don't think I have like a number like that in mind I like because we did a few things for her birthday is around um thanks her birthday is basically on Thanksgiving and then it's Christmas so sometimes it's like between that period we I just do a few things you know a few things well like I'm not doing I'm not doing a big – it's like this year I didn't end up doing – sometimes it's a big thing. But this year it was a bunch of practical things that we had talked about. She really wanted an ottoman that could fit her sewing stuff. That doesn't count.

Like for her birthday. Ottoman. If it's something we both use – It's $100. A nice ottoman. Yeah. If it was for her office. But it's something we both use. It's hundreds of dollars. A nice ottoman. Yeah. If it was for her office. But it's for you too.

Are your feet touching that ottoman? Yeah, they are. Yeah, exactly. I pitched to Tova. I had all these things I wanted to get her for the podcast room for Christmas. And she said, that's for your podcast room. Well, she doesn't hear. She's not here anymore.

My girlfriend used to live here. In this apartment? In this apartment. I apartment and now i live right around the corner studio both have good rents we said that'll be a guest room in a podcast studio okay i what about jewelry what's what's the is is your the wedding ring the most expensive piece of jewelry you've bought nicole yeah how much did the wedding ring cost uh well i had the diamonds from family um so it was just putting them 10 bucks no it was like it was over a thousand like you you know short in and do all

that stuff are you a jewelry buyer when you're in a relationship no but i am in a relationship thank you for bringing that up but i uh i don't want to get too personal here but the last gift i got that was kind of like chancy like that was I, I know this, I know a designer a little bit, Rachel Antonoff. And she said, she hooked me up with discount and I bought my girlfriend a skirt. And I was like, man,

this is a real chance I'm taking here. That's wild. Yeah. It's normally I would be like, I'm not going to even, it's like buying someone perfume. Like it's like, it's so personal,

but I, I hit it out of the park. She loves it. Oh, good. I cannot imagine buying my girlfriend any kind of clothes. But what I did was, I mean, I just prefaced it with like, you do not have to like this. I won't be offended.

I'm taking a chance here. What do you think? And then, boom, home run. Did you have all the measurements? I did. I mean, I just kind of said she's 5'8". That's all I knew.

I feel like I'd have to know four dimensions at least. I consulted with the designer and I think she guided me into the right size. That's impressive. I told Tove all the time, you will

never know if i don't like a gift you will never know it i will only love it traumatic child i had a my mother it's not just me so my mother i remember when i was six i bought her for for christmas hanukkahs it was like a she was into crossword puzzles so i got her like a wall-sized crossword puzzle that you could do over the course of your life she could still be doing it now and she when she saw it said do you have the receipt i i this i'm never going to use this i'll return this wow yeah i'm not like someone who's going to complain about a gift yeah and it was like 20 and the amount of therapy that i've paid for is far exceeds. This is for your mother, you said? For my mother. And my stepdad was constantly

okay, so my mom told me this. She talked about the way my stepfather proposed and it was this. She said, and they're divorced now so I can talk to you. She said I was walking with your stepfather. We passed by a really expensive dress

and I said, oh oh i want that dress and he was like okay sweetheart it's very expensive they went out to dinner he proposed she said you know what if you buy me that dress i'll say yes and my mom's telling me this story at like 15 i'm like you got to get out of this marriage now this is uh that's the worst proposal story i've ever heard in my life. A conditional buy an expensive dress. So he kept trying to buy her things throughout the marriage, and she returned every single one. Wow.

But that would almost make me excited to never have to buy that person a gift because I feel like you'd be like, I'm not going to. If you're not going to, just be gracious. Sorry to slam your mother like that. There's a freedom of like, you're not going to get it right, so who the fuck cares? Yeah, I mean, you return the third one. After three, it's like, you know,

here's some, what, you like candy? Here's some candy. Does she like candy? No. She'd return the candy. This is the wrong kind of candy you got. I usually think a card. If I really sit down and I really write out a card, I feel bad.

My poor mom. I already hurt her feelings a couple episodes ago. Yeah. She listens to this podcast, which makes up for all the gift returning. Yeah. Mom, I love you. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to get her that crossword puzzle again as like a second chance,

like a therapeutic exercise to see if she can fake. In her defense, did she ever do crossword puzzles? Was that something in her? At some point she did. Crossword puzzle or jigsaw puzzle? No, crossword. It was like, looking back, if I'm being honest to myself. That's a shitty gift.

It really is. You gotta get on a step ladder to fill it in. All the times you've told me that story, I didn't realize what the gift was. That is a bad gift. Yeah, I thought it was a jigsaw puzzle. A wall-mounted jigsaw puzzle, but that's as weird as a wall-mounted crossword puzzle. This is the worst gift anyone's ever gotten anyone.

Actually, no, that sounds funny. I did buy some puzzles during the pandemic that have not been touched. I bought like two jigsaw puzzles that I don't know. Those moments of the pandemic are like, can I become a different person for this new event in my life? And you thought jigsaw? I just thought it was fun when we went together with friends. We did a jigsaw puzzle, but I didn't even do it really. Other people did it. And I came down and i was like we're almost done yeah um well uh uh by the way quick shout out uh we we did record a live episode last night with stand-up comedian alia janine

about working in and leaving the adult entertainment industry if If you want to hear it or watch it, go to patreon.com slash downside. Hey, Todd. Is mine a free episode? Yeah, but I wouldn't think of it like, you know, not like you take it, whatever. It's main. You're on the main feed. Yeah. I'm a loss leader.

If we put this beyond the Patreon, we'd be rolling in cash. Yeah. You should feel free to do that you had a podcast did it stop it it did stop without fanfare it stopped kind of just no emails hey no new episode this week i feel bad because i never really just said hey everyone i need a break from this i just took the break and it's been a couple of years now uh-huh but i wasn't making any money. And at some point you're like,

I'm just interviewing my friends and people I know a little bit. And then, you know, you do one, then you're like, Oh no, I got to do another one. I didn't have a setup. You guys have like a real setup.

You have a producer. I don't know. Well, I had, I did have a company that put it out, but that's good. And they were nice and they were helpful. But I guess it was on me.

How long did you do it for? Years. A few hundred episodes. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, if we didn't have you, Paige, we'd probably be done by now.

Yeah. It's nice to have a little help, right? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And she does it all pro bono, completely free. I was about to ask. Is that true?

That is true. See, I would have said no to this if I knew you were exploiting people. Well, we're all exploiting. I guess I'm not getting paid then either. In exposure. That's true. You still got that wrestler money. You don't need cash.

How many downloads are we looking at? Oh, God. With you on it, there will be a bump. Listen to that. Talking to me like I'm Stu. Give me the average. The clips on social media, they sometimes get millions. I'm going to still do this.

How many listeners? I think we got like 5K. Really? Between 5K and 10K for like a hot episode. between 5k and 10k for like a hot episode we did get 60 million views on the podcast videos last year

60 million? yes if that counts as anything and that's worth like two ticket sales on the road believe me we get one pod fan every show

yeah A&W is now serving Pret Organic coffee and you can get a $1 small coffee a $2 small latte or can get a $1 small coffee, a $2 small latte, or like me, a $1 small coffee and a $2 small latte. Available now until November 24th in Ontario only. Woohoo!

Interior Chinatown is an all-new series based on the best-selling novel by Charles Yu about a struggling Asian actor who gets a bigger part than he expected when he witnesses a crime in Chinatown. Streaming November 19th only on Disney+. So Todd, you grew up in Florida. You were born? No, I was born in the Bronx. Born in the Bronx. Yeah. But moved to Florida. When I was eight.

And did you like Florida? I can't say I liked it really i mean i don't care yeah i mean i lived in the kind of boring suburbs and uh yeah i mean that was and who knows if i would have liked new york might have been my own makeup as a human being that made me not like what do you think of that i agree i went to the university of miami Oh you did And it was a huge mistake Gigantic mistake Why's that? Well I went for musical theater

So that's part of it Yeah But that's a separate thing I think when I visited Miami You're on vacation It's warm There's palm trees And then you go there

And you're like Oh this is not who I am Two times a year Sure Some nice warm weather And then you go there and you're like, oh, this is not who I am. Two times a year, sure. Some nice warm weather, but I'm not that guy. Yeah. I'm not Sonny. Yeah, I never went to the beach. I went to the beach.

In the course of four years, I went to the beach three times. I was always like, where's your tan, pale guy? Who is this, your parents? No, no. I don't know. I was just doing the generic dumb voice. I started comedy in North Miami Beach. Not to make it about me, but...

No, it's fine. I am the guest on your show. And these were... Is this the comic strip? No, this was a place called Coconuts. Coconuts. It was in a Howard Johnson's hotel. And how was that club?

It was good. I mean, this was, I mean, I've told this story so many times, but I'll just say it again. No, it was during the comedy boom of the late 80s. Do you know about the comedy boom? I've heard about it. I've never fully grasped how fantastic it was compared to now. Well, it was, I mean, my first open mic night,

I went on for like a hundred people who were pumped i didn't go on at a bar wow yeah yeah and they weren't pumped to see me they were pumped for comedy in general so what the way they did it was they would have their headliner show like the headliner would come in tuesday through sunday or something like that and then on like sunday they would have open mic then the feature feature act, the middle act, and then the headliner. So they'd have open mic just as part of the regular show. And people were just like... And these comics were not famous for the most part.

And so they would just come to see, like, it was comedy. And there was, like, all these one-nighters. Just, like, you know, someone would go into a bar and, like, hey, what are you guys... When's your slow night? Tuesday? I'll bring in three comedians and get me a shitty pa and were you making good money during this boom i mean you just started i guess no i was i wasn't getting good money but i was the fact that i was getting

some money like my first year in that's pretty wild yeah uh and yeah so i it was uh what was your question why why did that boom start? What started that role? Oh, you know, that's a good question. I don't even know. But there were comedy clubs everywhere. And like in Florida, you could come there and tour for two months and just be in Florida.

Oh, my God. So, you know, if you're like a young person and, you know, you've had a shitty job and two months you spend in Florida telling jokes. Was this still with Carson running The Tonight Show? This is before Carson. This was Jack Parr. No, this was Carson. I've once tried to make a similar joke before,

and I did not know the name of the guy before Carson. I think it was Jack Parr. I think it was Jack Parr. Yeah. I think, yeah, Carson must have been. I forgot when Carson went off the air, but yeah. And it sounds like a great time. I mean, it must have been. I forgot when Carson went off the air, but yeah. And it sounds like a great time. I mean, it was pretty fun.

It was, because I remember the first time I went on, I went on like a Sunday. And then I was like, and I just did it as a goof. Like I never ever said I want to be a comedian. And some people wish that I had stuck to that. No, I'm very, I'm pretty successful. How old were you when you started? 23, I think, like 23-ish.

What were you doing for work before that? I went to the University of Florida, and then I did just temp jobs when you could get something called a temp job. What kind of stuff would you have to do? Well, I was a substitute teacher also. I did that for years, yeah. You were a substitute teacher?

Yeah. What age? In Florida, I did pretty much all ages. And then when I moved to New York, I did it again. And it was mainly like middle school and elementary school. And it's pretty, weirdly, the schools in florida were better than the ones in new york really well they just never in florida if you showed up to substitute teach they would be lesson plans or something the teacher would leave something for you

so at least you had like i know you guys did chapter three yesterday so we're doing chapter four they'd be like oh this is we're still doing this new york you just show up and you're like thrown to the wolves sure and i think i had like one or two people leaving anything in the years that i did it there in new york what kind of teacher were you i was uh i was i was one who surrendered pretty easily they're like my name is fart face you're like okay yeah fart face yeah i mean there were a few times in new york where i just tried to get them in order and like they were just maniacs and then you're just like you know if you didn't leave me lesson plans yeah and they're being shitty what am i going to like turn them into great people or a great class of polite people so i just kind of uh i'd sit there and let them kill each other.

Just no teaching at all? Just sit back? I mean, I feel like it's not my... Well, if there's no plans... Yeah, I feel like it's not my job. Oh, well, I guess it is my job. To teach. As a teacher, it's not my job to teach.

But I mean, if you're like leaving, if you've got a cold or whatever reason you're taking off and you can't even like write something up or leave me a note i mean i tried sometimes but they they just saw it the way people see substitute teachers like party time yeah and if there's 30 of them and one of me we're ever funny you ever like do you think like if you look back you'd be like oh wow it's funny i did this show called spotlight cafe which was a like one of the it which was a Channel 9 stand-up show. Just comics went on there.

Most of us bombed. It was notoriously rough. It was like an evening at the Improv, that kind of show. I did it, and I was still teaching. Then, for some reason, all these kids happened to see it. I was like, Mr. Br for some reason like all these kids happened to see it. So I was like, Mr. Brice on TV. That's respect.

Yeah, that was kind of cool but it was also embarrassing. Like, what are you doing? You're watching stand-up on TV? You're like seven, you know, but.

I had, I had a, God, I hope this person doesn't hear it. I had like a singing teacher and I really respected them and then I saw them in a community theater musical production

and it was so bad that i couldn't even look them in the eye for the rest of my time at that school wow it it it was really it was really shocking aldrey uh high school oh this must have been oh god i had this horror of like this hearing it. Because they were very sweet. It was just like true. I've only seen a couple real community theater. Like highly produced community theater. They rehearsed for weeks. I used to see that in Florida, community theater. Yeah?

Or any sort of theater in Florida. It's just so much like they used to have to tell people to not open candy. Because the older people would, for some reason, is just so much like, they used to have to tell people to not open candy. You know, because the older people would like, for some reason they loved sour balls and they loved bringing them

to a play. Sure. And you just, for like 10 minutes and just maddening. Are you a man of the theater? I like to, I don't,

I haven't been to a lot of theater. I was kind of a couple plays in college and I kind of want to be in a play. I don't even know how to get in a play. Hint, hint. A lot of Broadway cast directors listen to this. I don't mean to criticize your approach.

You're like, this is how I got the wrestler. I was on a podcast. You're like, I'd love to work with Mickey Rourke. Any 5,000 people produce theater? You do want to do a play. Yeah, I really do. I saw Jim Gaffigan on Broadway years ago. Really?

He was fucking good. What did he do? This championship season, I think it was. But it was him, Brian Cox, I believe, and Kiefer Sutherland. Oh, my God. And one other person whose name I'm forgetting. It wasn't like, oh, Jim's kind of on stage and it's Comic-Con. It was like, this guy's good.

You'd like it to be like an ensemble? Yeah, it was an ensemble thing. But he was great. There was some movie he did recently where I saw the trailer and I was like, oh, shit. It was like intense. Yeah. Some comics can do it and some comics, it's rough. Yeah, I don't know how he does it in general.

Like, he's perpetually on tour, has five kids, and makes eight movies a year also somehow. The kids must be helping. I can't imagine having five kids and not having some of them captioning some of these videos. They're doing something.

I got it. Can you imagine going on tour? You've got to succeed to bring five kids and a wife on the road that's so much money everywhere you go yeah

I think he had he had a joke in the last one he said like his wife wanted to go to Hawaii and he said he realized

it was cheaper than a divorce but he's a good actor I remember there was that documentary about Gary Shandling and he like he desperately wanted to be a great actor.

It seemed like it really bugged him that he didn't quite click into it. Really? He was good on the Larry Sanders show. I mean, I know that firsthand because I was on two episodes. But yeah, you brought it up. It was just like in the documentary,

he was talking to Jerry Seinfeld and Seinfeld seems to hate he's just like acting as nothing do you what's a dream role can you think of a play that you're like

do you want to go on stage I want to go on stage and yell I think that's why I want to act I want to do a mammoth where I go what the fuck you

I've seen you on stage as a comic do you think you yeah don't you have that cover I think you got that yeah I'm surprised you haven't as a comic. Yeah. Don't you have that covered? I think you got that. Yeah. I'm surprised you haven't gotten that out of your system yet.

I haven't gotten to it's that yet. I feel like you'd want to do something different, but I don't know. But, well, yeah, I think it's stand-up. I am doing the thing that I wanted to do. That's why I'm all movie, because I'm like, I just wanted to be a dancer. And this is the one place where I could do that. I don't know my dream role. Probably either something really funny or something dramatic.

So basically anything is what I just think. I just realized I covered 99% of theater. I would see Todd Berry in Death of a Salesman. I think I need to do this some that one's been done before so i'm going to turn that thing sure uh what's your what's your dream play yeah you know i don't know because i feel like i at one point had those kind of things in my head but i agree there's things like like death of a salesman or some of those kind of older play i'm like i have no interest actually in seeing them

so I really don't have an interest in doing them what about the guy who kills the rabbit of Mice and Men you want me to play Lenny from Mice and Men I think I could do that

but I don't really want to do that I saw that on Broadway with James Franco and Chris O'Dowd oh yeah because I DM'd Chris O'Dowd

to see if I could get me tickets and he gave me tickets I bought them but they were whatever. House seats, whatever. But it's just weird because Broadway, the people, I mean, when James Franco walked out, you hear,

we love you, James. Like, it's a play, man. Yeah. It's not a fucking NSYNC concert and whatever they were around. I knew a guy who was on a Broadway show, and Steve Buscemi was like, I want to see your show, and sent him a message. And then this guy that I knew,

like, you don't get free tickets on Broadway shows. So he ended up buying Steve Buscemi. He's like, yeah, I'll get you tickets, man. And then he just had to buy Steve Buscemi tickets, which Steve Buscemi didn't know, obviously. But most people just assume if you're in the show, you can get him tickets. But I think Steve Buscemi probably knows the way Broadway works. That is funny.

That is funny. He would know exactly. Yeah, that's true, actually. He's probably in on that secret, that Broadway secret. I could see doing that. But then I would somehow get a friend to say near Steve, like, did you hear he bought Steve tickets? Because I feel like if Steve found that out, he'd be like, oh, my God. Yeah.

Let me take you out to dinner. Put you in a movie. So, okay, we covered your acting dream aspiration. So you were in Florida. You're doing comedy. When were you in a band? So you were in Florida. You were doing comedy.

When were you in a band? I was in a band, I guess, when I was like 20, between college semester. No, I think I was, it may have been when I was like 18 or 19. I don't even remember, honestly. 18 to 23 or something, somewhere in there. Sure. I was in a couple bands. And you were drumming?

Yeah, poorly, but yeah really actually poorly or yeah i mean i'm not no i'm i'm the last the least humble person in the world no i know i was it was kind of like yeah i was said poorly yeah because i watch people now and they're just like oh my like i like another language you're speaking. Yeah. Otherworldly kind of. Yeah, I was just kind of a nervous, I mean, yeah, I was a little nervous drummer. Do you have drumsticks at the house? Drumsticks, I have drumsticks at the house and then I have in storage in Florida,

I have a drum set. Really? Yeah, it's just sitting there and I'm paying for a storage unit because I can't. Get rid of it. Yeah, I'm too emotionally attached to it. Do you go down to Florida often?

Is your family still there? They, well, they're, no. No, they're not there anymore. But you have a storage unit of just one drum set. It has a drum set and whatever my dad cleared out of my room. So I should,

I was thinking of going down there and just grabbing everything and driving up. Merging it with a storage unit in New York. Yeah. Do you should, I was thinking of going down there and just grabbing everything and driving up. Sure. Merging it with a storage unit in New York. Yeah. Do you have a storage unit? I have one in my building here in New York. In your building?

Yeah, I have one too. I have like three or four going on right away. I mean, that's what kind of this place, Tova was like, she doesn't want this place to become a storage unit, but it's going to become a storage unit. Yeah. I got too many shoes. Too many shoes? Yeah. You do?

I'm into shoes. Really? Yeah. Oh, man. That's all I know. That's the only thing I can look at and go like, that's cool. Like those kind of shoes? Like sneaker shoes or sneakers?

Sneaker shoes. Sneaker shoes. Yeah, sneaker shoes. Yeah. I just, it's all I know Do you line up? Because I walk by these stores where there's a line at midnight People sleeping to get whatever they're

I will avoid all lines for the rest of my life I could not imagine lining up for clothes If I'm ever in line for clothes How do you find them? There's all sorts of stores And my sister who works at Celine What is Celine? Yeah, I don't know what that is

Celine, it's like super high-end fashion sales. For like the jacket is $40,000. Celebrities and their stylists go in and they usually get discounts or get it for free. They usually get discounts or get it for free. My sister, she will fly to France to make sure a dress is properly moved because it's six figures. And it's not convenient because she can't get me, she cannot buy me anything at the store. But she deals with a lot of celebrities, including Jeff Goldblum. Just for reference, I paid $500 for a pair of Celine sunglasses. Why'd you do that?

Because I really liked them. How long did you have them before you lost them? No, I still have them. All right. Damn. That's just how much the sunglasses cost. That's crazy. And that's like the cheapest thing in Celine.

Did you like, they were that nice? Yeah. $500. $500. It's an investment. Every year my mom gets me three to five shirts and my wife gets me three to five shirts. And I just cycle out the old ones and that's how I live my life. You never buy shirts.

Basically. I mean, I don't have like a thing for it. I don't have like a mind for it. I don't have like a, I don't see it, something and think I want to wear that. Like I've told you before, I would, if I could,

I might just start wearing like a uniform every day. Warren Beatty used to do that. Just because I'm like, I wear, I black t-shirt and jeans is how I'd like

to live my life, mainly, most of the time. Sure. I like this. I like, if it's comfortable. Don't,

don't give up like that, Russell. I'm not giving up. I just don't. If you're Jessica who wears black shirts for the rest of life, you need to make

a billion dollars. You should point out that he's wearing a gray sweater and blue jeans. It's not like, it's not like, I'm doing something

wildly different today. Laundry day. A charcoal gray sweater. I think that's a nice sweater. No, it's nice, but it's not like he's doing something wildly different. Yeah, yeah.

I don't know. That's my point. Yeah. By the way, that's the only reason I'm wearing this is because I'm going out to that jewelry and then a nice dinner. Where are you going to dinner? I love talking about food. Okay, sure.

I'll tell you. I got to look it up. Well, we're doing this stupid fucking diet. Whole 30. Have you ever heard of Whole 30? No, but yeah, I have. I know people have done it. Yeah. And we're doing an abridged version of Whole 30. Have you ever heard of Whole30? Yeah, I have. I know people have done it. We're doing an abridged version of

Whole30. Where you can eat anything you want. Exactly. Especially on the road. She joined me on the road. I was in Magoobies this past weekend. What's that look? That name is funny. They add Joke House, so it's Magoobies Joke House,

but Magoobies? That's great. Yeah, but I think it's also okay to laugh. It's not disrespectful to laugh at that. I mean, I imagine Magoobie, whoever that is, might be. You don't have reverence. Yeah, I don't think they're going to be like, hey, well, you laughed at me.

I'm talking about Magoobies here, okay? The Magoobies. I'm going to, it's called Bowery Road. Oh, I know where that is. It's on Union Square. God damn. I couldn't do that in a million years. It's like 4th Avenue, right?

Yeah. I almost went there and then I didn't go inside. When I realized it was not even close to the Bowery. I was like, well, I'm on like 13th Street, and the Bowery's ended hours ago. What's the best place? That food might be good. I have no idea whether it's a good restaurant. Sure.

So I've never been there, so I'm not sure. But tell us your New York recommendations. Oh, my God. I have a lot. I'm going to panic now. Do you like Italian food? No. Seriously?

I don't. It's weird. Oh, because you have an eating disorder. Seriously? I don't. It's weird. Oh, because you have an eating disorder. You don't like... I don't eat pasta to me. He's weird about... It's an indulgence. It's too much.

Too much? It's like if I sat down and I said, loaf of bread tonight. Have a slice. I could get pasta. So you're always on Whole30 then? I'll do ramen. I don't know. So you're always on Whole30 then? I'll do ramen. I don't know.

I grew up eating ravioli. My dad, divorced parents, all my dad knew how to make was ravioli. So every day of my life as a kid, when I was at my dad's, I'd eat ravioli for lunch, ravioli for dinner. Ravioli is, I don't even know what you're saying. You're saying canned ravioli compared to like. It wasn't canned. It wasn't canned. Those are not things that you can say in the same

It wasn't Chef Boyardee We didn't grow up In upstate New York Okay okay It was like It was It was in the nice package It had like an Italian woman

On the front You put it in a boiling pot Of water How often would you have ravioli? Seriously I mean I mean So if I saw my dad

Six days Every two weeks I had ravioli seven times Really? Seven times? Cause he'd pack it for school Oh really? He'd pack it I had ravioli seven times. Really? Seven times? Because he'd pack it for school. Oh, really? He'd pack it.

I had it in this container. So you're scarred is what you're saying. I was scarred. He'd pack it in this container where, something about tomato sauce, when it's like, gets a little cold,

the smell is like, blech. Yeah, I don't like whole tomatoes or chunky tomatoes either. What about grape? Cherry? i like i like ketchup i like smooth tomato sauce and that i don't like marinara sauce although i could tolerate it see i like sushi and you don't like sushi i don't like see i've tried three i think three times to like sushi but uh i tried um my girlfriend that took me to well i don't like sushi. I've tried, I think, three times to like sushi. But I tried my girlfriend that took me to, I don't know if I took her or she took me,

but ceviche, I never had it. It's like one of her favorite things. I'm going to be like, I'm going to do this for her. It was kind of, it was all right. It's sort of sushi-esque, right? Yeah. You like sushi? I like sushi, yeah.

I want to like sushi. I mean, I know I did a bit about that. But yeah, it's just beautiful food. And sometimes I went to one where they gave you one piece at a time and they told you the whole story. Oh, is that an omakase? Yeah. There's popping up everywhere.

Yeah. That's what it's called? That's the kind of experience, isn't it? I think so, yeah. Yeah. You see, like when you walk by the Japanese restaurants, you see a counter. And there's like not that many seats.

Let me lecture you guys about Japanese food. I've eaten it three times. I know what I'm talking about. I don't even know if I'm pronouncing it correctly. You ever had Japanese curry? Oh, man. That's good. Oh, my God.

You ever had it? I don't think so. You ever had it? I'm not a curry person. All right. What's the definition of curry? The definition of curry? The definition of curry? I mean...

What does curry mean? What does that mean, the word curry? They would know. Nobody knows. Why do we have to know? I don't know. I'm just curious. I don't know what curry is.

I don't know what you mean. What does Japanese curry mean? It's kind of in a sauce. I don't know how they make it. Sometimes you need to adjust the spice level, and you can get... It's kind of in a sauce. I don't know how they make it. And sometimes you need to adjust the spice level. And you can get like, it's very simple. It's a sauce. And then you can get like chicken katsu, which is like strips of pan fried chicken in the sauce.

And it's served with rice. And it's just simple. Fucking great comfort food. Am I allowed to curse? Yeah. I dropped an F bomb. Yeah. Well, that's what happened this weekend we tried

to do the whole 30 and i think being on the road and doing any of this shit is really hard so where what are you going to get at the restaurant tonight did you already look at their menu i saw a picture and it's it was i looked up restaurants that have good whole 30 options oh really you didn't look at the menu? Marco, you gotta look at the menu ahead of time. Don't you get excited? Don't you think like, ooh, look at all these things?

I don't always like, I mean, I have mixed feelings about looking at the menu ahead of time. There's part of me that loves it and there's part of me

that's like, well, that kind of kills the whole like, what's gonna happen when I open this menu? I understand. I think though, if you specifically have,

you know, Tova has the cilantro thing. I feel like looking at the menu. She doesn't eat cilantro. Oh, my God. Allergic to melons. Does she say it tastes like soap? Mm-hmm.

It's a deal breaker. I love cilantro. Me, too. And when I'm not with her, I get cilantro on everything. What about onions? She'll do onions. I love onions. I'm not with her, I get cilantro on everything. What about onions? She'll do onions. I love onions. I'm not picky at all.

Thank God. If I was picky, we'd be fucked. Except you don't eat pasta. I don't eat the best food in the world, but I am. I'm not picky. I don't eat the food that 100% of people like. Yeah. When you're on the road, are you a healthy eater?

I use the road, I mean, like two nights in a row I had burgers and fries. I had burger and fry yesterday. I think I had one the day before, but I wasn't on the road. To answer your question is no,

but today I had a salad. I went to Sweetgreen. Sweetgreen. And I used to like Sweetgreen. We've complained about Sweetgreen. Why did you complain? I was with Sweetgreen from the beginning in D.C. where it started as a yogurt place.

Fun fact, salads were a side thing that took over. Wow. I remember when it was good, the bowls were big, and then one day the bowl changed and it's smaller and they say it's not i had plenty i had plenty of salad did you get it in person yeah live and in person yeah i've noticed uh um i have sweet green often because there's one near the theater um but all right you're an actor we get it okay well um in between shows sometimes i order it so i don't have to leave um but uh i it's way worse if i order it so i have Well, in between shows, sometimes I order it. Oh, my God. So I don't have to leave. But it's way worse if I order it.

So I have to go in person. Yeah, I like sitting. You have to be, you have to advise. I don't want that food doesn't travel super well. I'm sorry. You have to advise? What are you saying to them as they're putting in the lettuce? Anytime it comes, for whatever reason, I don't know why, just me being there, it tastes better.

But when it comes, it's definitely smaller. And there's, like, they give you a it tastes better but when it comes it's definitely smaller and there's like they give you a tiny little thing of dressing and it's not enough and you know so when they let me ask you this sweet green question i find they always ask light medium or heavy on the dressing yes i used to say medium and it was too much so this time i said light and it was too much i don't think they have a pre i don't think they have a standard i think you have to stop them. I always say medium, but if I

wouldn't cut them off, I think they would keep going. It's just they stir it forever. They say tell me when to stop and this bottle the hole is too loose because it's like immediately you've hit heavy and you're like stop! Stop! Dear God you could just go dressing

on the side sure i do just two uh two lime squeezes oh i did two oh my god today you don't do dressing oh you mean that's your whole thing oh my god sometimes suddenly put on the lime and i go you know what this is enough nature did it for me that's weird because i asked for the lime squeeze today she goes you want one or two i got one's fine she's like you sure you don't want to like i feel like you want me to have two let's do two yeah she was so nice this oh my god you like having fun with uh yeah you know people tweet about you know they'll be like i want them to go todd barry came in today and also she had no idea who i was by the way he said feel free to tweet about it i remember when we first met you i this is i was early in comedy i didn't i didn't know the

the politeness but you followed me on twitter i think i posted todd berry followed me on twitter and you immediately unfolded it was that's true, sorry, accidental thumb follow happens all the time. I mean, it was an accidental follow. It really was. I didn't know it was actually an accident. Oh, yeah, it was true. No, it was really. I wasn't like being a dick.

No, I mean, sometimes you're flipping through, and I've done that before, and you're like, because I've had it where you accidentally follow someone, and then someone writes you, hey, man, it's so cool you followed me. I followed you? That's exactly what I did. So, no, I was truly an accident. I've since re-followed you.

Yes, oh yeah. I didn't announce it this time. I also heard you, I don't know if I should tell this publicly, but I walked by you the other day while you were on the phone and I heard something that was really embarrassing. Oh my God.

But I don't have to say it. No, say it. no say oh please say it it wasn't like immoral or anything but i walked by you on uh i think it was bleaker or west there in about a week and you were on the phone and this is what you said as i passed you're like that's gonna be my driving force this year oh and i was like oh man that's whatever he just said oh my god who are you talking that must have been brutal that conversation who are you talking to? That must have been brutal, that conversation. Who are you talking to? I don't know. You can cut this out if that's embarrassing.

No, no, no, it's fine. You talk loud on the phone. I could have been talking to you. Maybe. I could have been talking to you. I could have been, you know, saying. What was it? Something like getting Todd Berry on the show

is my driving force this year. Is that a phrase you use a lot? I've never used that phrase. It's an interesting phrase. It must have been around the new year and you know that first month

you're like, you know what, I'm going to do this year. You know what, my driving force is going to be this year. If it's getting top-parried, then I'm done.

If it's your driving force, fine, you're done. I'm also the only person that would make fun of someone for just using the phrase driving force. No, it's a, it's an intense phrase.

It's an American psycho type phrase to you. It just seemed like, oh, he's one of these fucking motivated lunatics. He is, yeah. You're motivated to a degree. Yeah, I am. To a, to a, yeah, I am. Can you tell me about the end of the comedy boom

and did you feel it? No, I mean, I've always had, I mean, no, it wasn't a thing where, I mean, I guess places, I left, I guess, before it ended in Florida. Because Coconuts, that was gone. Because I went from Coconuts where you call up and go,

I want to be a comedian, and you call them up on Saturday and they go, you're going to be a comedian tomorrow in our open mic. Like, I mean, it was just easy to get on stage. Yeah. So then I moved to New York kind of too soon after a year.

And then I was trying to get on like Catch a Rising Star, which was a big club. Yeah. In the city. It was a really great club. But it was also like, it was just way more competitive. Was it a fantastic club? It was really good.

I mean, just everyone played there. And, you know, that music. My manager, Rick Dorfman, he tried comedy for a year. He was talking about Catch. Then they moved to a different location in Chelsea. Is that what fucked them up? I don't know what fucked them up. I don't know the business.

When did they close? They closed maybe 25 years ago or something. I don't know. 20 years ago. 25 maybe. I've been in stand 20 years ago, but 25 maybe. I think I've finally, I've been in stand-up for like eight years now. Eight years. Oh, my God.

I know. You're an open mic-er. But I've definitely now hit that place where I'm like, I've worked clubs that have closed. Yeah. I've started to feel the ecosystem. I did Looney Bin, Oklahoma City. It's the first club that I've performed at that is no longer.

Wow. Were there any chains that you miss? Was it a good chain? It was good, yeah. They were nice and the crowds were great. I did a Sunday, then I did Monday at the comic strip. The first comic strip was in Fort Lauderdale. That was the first one? I believe that's the first one, yeah. I think I at the comic strip. The first comic strip was in Fort Lauderdale. That was the first one?

I believe that's the first one, yeah. I think I'm right about that. It's one of the first comedy clubs in the country, actually. So I did that, and then there was this really good club in West Palm Beach called The Comedy Corner, and I did that on Tuesday. So I did three in a row the first week of comedy. Wild. But if I'm remembering correctly then i always wonder like did i maybe i'm just making all this shit up but not that that's i'd make up something better than

that i guess i did three sets big whoop who gives a shit but that club was really good and then like everyone went through there but but i i was able to get sort of like middle work pretty quickly but i also remember just being on stage and just like because you just get these gigs where you don't say which jokes am i doing tonight you're doing everything you've written yeah and then i just remember being on stage and kind of bombing and you just kind of look down your watch like oh fuck like i'm not even close to done and i'm like i've got like one joke left and i don't know how I got through it, but I mean, I didn't do crowd work back then. I didn't steal jokes.

I don't know how I did it. Maybe I riffed. Was there a lot of joke stealing? There was a, yeah, there was some joke stealing, yeah. There was a couple like really brazen people who were just like doing chunks of people's material. Was that just because there was less internet? They were like, they probably won't catch me if they're not here. I guess if you're the type of person that's doing that, you're going to do it

anyway, but there probably was less worry that someone would find out. But I mean, they would do jokes by that guy who headlined before, like a week ago or something. Of all the comedians that you could steal from, you're like the guy who was just here.

Yeah, I mean, or who'd been there recently or whatever. But yeah, and then there was people who were like, I remember some guy who was there who was telling my friend, he was like, yeah, you know, you do write some jokes, then you steal like 20% of your jokes. Like he was telling a guy how to put an hour together. You'll steal 20 and then you do. I certainly know the feeling where like I'll do like some weird corporate gig for like 20 people in the middle of nowhere.

And like sometimes I never do it because it's like you're like I would never do this thing. But there's a feeling of like no one would ever know. If some line fit in really good here, this is like an ice. No, these people will never even see a comedy show again but then we all know the rules but i understand like if there was no internet i could see yeah i mean i've had people confess to me i'm not gonna mention names but people say hey i did your joke man i was just panicked and i did your joke and he's kind of like all right i don't what i'm i don't know what i'm supposed to say to you right now. But if someone said.

I'm not going to yell at you, but I'm also like, I'm not going to be happy about that. But like, you just want to be forgiven? I mean. What if they said, here's, you know what? I was paid a hundred bucks. Here's 10 bucks. Oh, I thought you said they gave me the full hundred. The full hundred?

I would take that in a second. I asked a comedian the other day. we had had a conversation in a green room and he kind of started the covers but we were riffing on something yeah i've asked him about this bit for a while i was like hey is that bit working i love that bit so much and it was just a premise and then six months later he kept saying it he's like it doesn't work it doesn't work and i wrote him and i didn't know if this was weird but i said like you asked for the premise i'd love to like work on that premise It fits into this chunk. Would you be cool with it? Happy to take you out to dinner? And he said, yeah.

Was this someone who you would want to have dinner with anyway? I don't know them that well. They're on the other coast. Okay, so you're never going to have that dinner. No, if this fits. You're going to steal the joke and never have that dinner. No. But you'll feel good about it because No, if this... You're going to steal the joke and never have that dinner. No! But you'll feel good about it because you offered up a fake dinner. Right. Which you're like, oh, man, I got meetings. When you do go out there, I got meetings, man.

I'm going to make this dinner happen now. Believe in me. So he was cool about it or they were cool about it? Yeah, he was super cool about it. I just... Because I kept asking. It was such a funny idea. And then he was like, oh, yeah, go for it. You know, because I kept asking, it was such a funny idea, and then he was like, oh yeah, go for it. You know, you could have done, you could

have helped him make it better and then given him his joke, or their joke, or her joke. And then like ask for money in return? No, just being like a decent person. But I guess that's another option. But that's nice,

you did ask. I mean, and also if you write up the whole joke, then they might not want to do it. I can't write for other, it's hard to write. I don't think, when I see people write

for like other people, I don't think I have that skill. Yeah. Have you written for a lot of other people? Like award show stuff? I've done a lot of stuff. I've done VMAs a lot.

The video music. I did that like six times. Do you like that kind of work? I like that because it was, first of all, a lot of work. And maybe I got one thing on. They would be like, all right, Mira Sorvino and Kid Rock are going to present an award. We need some banter for them. And they're like, oh, Mira Sorvino, we're switching her around.

So you'd write like 30 bits for Kid oh mera sorvino we're switching her around so you'd probably like 10,000 you write like 30 bits for kid rock and mera sorvino like yeah she's she's gonna do some with the red hot chili peppers oh she wants to be by herself or something but the fun part of that the fun part of that job was they would let you go talk to the celebrity who you wrote for uh-huh so i have a uh well i I'm going to go ahead and say this. It's not a big story. But like one time I, like I met Usher and Beck. And when I met Beck, his assistant,

who I'm hoping is not his assistant anymore, and also he ain't listening. Beck is actually one of the. Like I, they said, you know this this writer's gonna come talk to beck i guess they someone told him so i went over and he was really nice uh-huh and she and his assistant was like oh are you the little writer guy it's fucking are you seriously talking to me that way an assistant yeah and he's yeah and the guy who you're an assistant to is perfectly nice to me. Yeah.

But another story, I presented something that I didn't write, but they just said, can you go show this thing? For whatever reason, they had me to Lenny Kravitz and Giselle. And I showed it to them, and she's like, this makes him look stupid and me stupider. Sorry to do an accent. Just coloring the story a little bit. And I was like, you know, you don't have to do it.

Because a lot of people didn't want to, they didn't want something written for them. And I was like, that's better. That's great that you don't want something written for it. Did it feel like, wow, I did all this work and none of it mattered? Well, I mean, it's not going to matter regardless. They used everything I wrote. It wouldn't be like, oh, that's a really important thing I did.

Was there any VMA? You said VMAs? Yeah. Any VMA joke you remember? You were like, yeah, that was a good joke that you wrote. I remember I wrote a long one for Robert De Niro, and they're just like, he's not going to want to do this. It's too long or something like that.

It was kind of good, but don't give him something that that's involved. I was like, all right. But, yeah, I'm trying to think of who else I met. But, yeah, it was kind of fun. Oh, I met Hanson. I remember. Yeah, oh, I remember. I presented that with something, and they're really nice.

Really nice. Yeah, everyone was pretty nice. Everyone was nice, something, and they're really nice. Really nice. Yeah, everyone was pretty nice. Everyone was nice, actually. I can't imagine being mean to the writer. Yeah, I mean, you shouldn't be mean to anyone, but I mean, but. No, I can see being mean to other people. That little writer guy thing, that's just. I want to go to what that person's doing now, hopefully.

Oh, God. Oh, so I wanted to talk about, you know, with crowd work, which, you know, is a big part of people know you for your crowd work. Well, I did a crowd work special, but I did it like 27 years into my career. So when you first started to stand up, was crowd work like, was it just something that was done? Did people do crowd work tours? No, they didn't. Not that I know of i know of i mean there were people there was always people like you know paula poundstone who you know paula poundstone who always did a lot of crowd work and there was just there were certain comics who were like though that's they do crowd work a lot of crowd work and i was never one of them and i'm still not one of them i mean that's not true though it is true i mean i never you see me at the cellar i never do crowd well

sure but i think we talked about it with someone who does a lot of crowd work and is very much in love with it now that I think showcase shows are, I think doing crowd work on showcase shows are, it's obnoxious. I mean, I don't want to comment, but I don't like it. Yeah. I guess I did hit comment. Oh, shit. I just think, I mean, I think it's a waste i mean i've had this

conversation with uh younger comics sometimes i'll do like a bar show and there'll be a younger comic and i don't want to be like walking up just going hey i'm an established comic you need my advice on something but there is sometimes we're just like do you mind if i just give you a thought or something like that but i've talked to to people because they'll be on stage. Do you do a lot of crowd work? On the road? Not a lot by no means. I have things I want to test out.

But, yeah, because you'll see these bar shows and they're like, the audience is sitting there and they're fine, they're listening, and then they just go around. There's this myth, I think, and I don't know if comics are going to agree with it, that you need to do it at the beginning of a show. And this is not true.

I mean, if you go to San Francisco, you go to Punchline, MC doesn't start asking for birthdays and shit like that. Sure. I don't know. I remember when I first started headlining around the road, being surprised how little crowd work hosts would do up top compared to New York. Yeah, yeah. It depends how cold they are.

I think a little bit. But if you don't get into jokes for at least five minutes before you start bringing up comedians, then I'm annoyed. Yeah, because it kind of, I mean, you can follow anyone. I can follow some act that i think i'm not going to follow and you know you know the way it is different nights it's different but yeah i feel like it also welcomes them in in a way that i don't want them welcomed in interesting it makes it not that i'm intimate well i just if if you kind of it's kind of hard to say don't yell stuff out when you're addressing every fucking person.

I don't know. I just feel like there should be this boundary, not like some rigid thing. And I also do some crowd work on the road especially. Yeah. So maybe I'm not a hypocrite because I don't do it. I don't do it if someone has to follow me. I'm not going to just do it. Sure.

And also I think like the thing I i was gonna say i know i'm bouncing but like i'd see hosts at certain clubs like newer comics and they're doing they've got four and four hosting things over the weekend and you're just like you should be working on your act don't be like this fucking birthday shit like if you want to do a couple of minutes of it because you think you should then do it, but you're wasting. Is this too serious? No. No. No.

No, we, you know, it's just an interesting time, at least like kind of my generation of comics and younger. Like I don't know where this clip thing started. Go ahead. Well, it's the clip thing. It's the clip thing. Why did it suddenly become? Because we, if it feels like,

we have to put out a lot of content to get a following and the following to get clubs to book us. And we can only burn so much material. Right, right. I understand. It's a thing. You could have five moments where you think, oh, this is clip-worthy. Yeah.

And then you have five clips. So that's why. I mean, I used to do it on the road enough to get one or two for the next week. So you bombard people with that shit? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pretty much. Pretty much, though.

But it fucking works. Does it work? Does it work for everyone? You could turn your crowd work shit into a trillion reels. Actually, I tried posting one on a reel, and it flagged it. What did you say? Like copyright.

Oh, sure. That happens. Yeah. But, yeah, I mean, I'm not like anti-crowd work. And I did do a crowd work special. But I also did that because I'd had like already, I think, established myself as a joke guy. Well, we did want to bring up the crowd work special because one thing sometimes people talk to me,

they see a crowd work clip and they're very curious, like, what happened to that person? Where did they go? Yeah, I don't keep in touch with people. Well, fortunately we did, Todd. We kept in touch with two people from your crowd work special. Seriously? And I'd love to play.

They have messages for you that we'd love to play on the downside. Is it going to make me angry? I don't think so. If it does, we'll cut it out. Okay. Are they mean? Are they mean? No, they're not mean.

But I guess now I'm curious. Do you mind if I play a segment from your Cardo special to set up the clip? Sure. Yeah. I didn't know this was an ambush podcast. All right. What do you do, Daryl? I'm an actor.

Seriously? Have you been in movies? Yeah. Let's hear them. Who's the one with the... You got any auditions coming up, Daryl? I have one tomorrow. What's your audition for?

It's called June in January. What is that? Yeah, well, it's, I think, a lifetime movie of the week. Lead character named June is going to get married in January. This stuff writes itself. Is that really what it's about? That's the best thing I've heard in a long time. You remember that?

Yeah, that guy, I don't think he, yeah, he was good. I liked him. Yeah. How many shows did you film to put that special together? Seven. That was in Vancouver, that one. Yeah, that guy, he faves my stuff and writes to me once in vancouver that one yeah that guy he's he faves my stuff and writes to me once in a while oh yeah yeah he was a good sport and sort of was

is he mad at me so we wanted to see where he was at now how did you okay go ahead yeah how did you get a hold of him is this gonna be a business hey todd daryl shuttletleworth, remember me? Crowd Work Tour. The one who made your show actually enjoyable in Vancouver? Yeah. Well, unfortunately, your little inclusion of me in your show jinxed me. I haven't worked since. I'm not kidding. I'm now, those boxes, that's what I do for a living. I move people.

I'm sitting here surrounded by boxes because you decided to include me in your special. Screwed everything up. I'm living in a truck. You can go to hell, you and your cat. Just kidding. No, I'm not. So, that acting career. How did you track him down?

I had to ask my producer, Paige. I have my ways. No, seriously, how did you get the people's names? Actually, if you look at your IMDB page for the crowd work special, he's credited. Oh, he put his name in there?

Of course he put his name in. I mean, yeah. It wasn't hard to find. He's been going by a Netflix credit for the last... He looks way different, but I guess that beard. But yeah, he was...

I enjoyed talking what year was that what 2013 2013 okay but yeah i enjoyed talking to that guy because he was he was kind of like he got it yeah were there any cities where sometimes do you feel like with your crowd work tour the people who come out they know how to be good crowd work people? Yeah, I mean, when I've done the tours, some people go, does it get rowdy? And it's like, no, it's the opposite. Some of them sit up front and don't want to talk.

Sure. And I always move on because I just don't want to make someone feel uncomfortable. I get, yeah, there's definitely a little. Even though I probably have in the past. There's, there seems to feel, and this is what I think the clips have done to a degree, where there's a new genre where they lie. And they go, and they don't even hold on to the lie. So they'll go like, who's this?

My sister. Different moms. Yeah, I cut someone out of one of the shows because they i found out they lied to me how'd you find out i think they told me like maybe i was after the show they told me or something and you said like i have some integrity with this guy yeah i just yeah it was uh yeah it just bummed me out yeah it's definitely a bummer I you want just you just want people to just be normal just answer

fully regular but some especially men some men really want to be funny and it's brutal yeah

you're looking at me when you said that so wait one more it stresses me out this is making me nervous me too this is the crowd this is the this is the clip you get paid to tweet I literally So wait, one more. This stresses me out. This is making me nervous. Me too. This is the clip?

You get paid to tweet? I literally get paid to tweet. Oh, this guy's a nice guy. I know him. That is... Garrett. His name's Garrett? Garth. Garth, that's right.

How long have you been doing that job? Two years. Fun? I'm actually about to quit. Here we go. Why are you quitting? Days are getting too long and uh... Wow, they're really laughing at you for that. Look at their swaying in their seats.

They're just like, oh my god. Did he just, the guy who tweets for a living, talk about the long hard days? Oh my god. Alright, this is where we'll see how garth is doing now oh he looks just like hey todd garth brockett here aka the cucumber soda guy you talked with in seattle on your first crowd work tour gotta say ever since we chatted on your special my life has never been the same uh not only did it get that sweet little 15 minutes of cucumber soda fame i quit that tweeting job i got one with a little more work-life balance

focused on stand up a little bit more and eventually moved to new york and after a couple years of perseverance and hustle i finally fulfilled my dream of becoming an underemployed graphic designer in portland but before i left new York, I made sure to catch the taping of your second crowd work tour, Spicy Honey. And it was very inconspicuous, though. They only seated me directly in the front row. But yeah, Todd, you've always been an inspiration to me ever since I was 11 and saw your Comedy Central Presents,

which I feel is probably good to hear. And I followed in your footsteps so much so that I've lost all my hair. So thanks for the jokes and hope to see you around soon. Bye. That one's nice. Yeah, he's come to my shows several times.

Yeah? Yeah, I guess in Portland or whatever. But yeah, he's a nice guy. They're both nice guys from what I can tell. Yeah, we didn't play the videos from the mean ones. How did you find him? How find him did you track down those two how did you find it was his name and imdb also no it was just a matter of like um garth dry soda oh really came up wow wow you probably gave it a bump you gave the the company yeah well he sent me some soda also, some dry soda.

How was the soda? It was good. It was just like, you know, it was not like a... It's kind of like La Croix, actually. Sure. Flavored water. Was the cucumbers bad? Cucumber, I just...

It's not something I'm going to like. Okay. To me, cucumber is water already. That's my biggest complaint about cucumbers. It's already too watery. I just feel like, you know, when you go to like a restaurant, they pour you cucumber water. It should be your default water.

Sure. I like a water with a bunch of fruit in it. Do you? Yeah, I do. Like an infusion, huh? Yeah, but if I go to a hotel and big thing of ice with oranges and shit, I'm like, all right, good hotel. A hotel with a big thing of ice and oranges.

I was thinking like their water. Oh, yeah, yeah. But I always think that water's been sitting there a while. Days. Yeah. Yeah. I'm at a Marriott. What am I going to do?

I got to lower my standards. You've never stayed at a Marriott. There's no way you've ever stayed at a Marriott. Do you have Marriott rewards? Of course I have Marriott rewards. Let's get back on that subject. What I think I upgraded to gold, which means I can maybe check out at 2 p.m. sometimes.

So who do you think started the crowd work clip thing? Is there someone who's credited it? I think people like Andrew Schultz are credited as making a boom on YouTube. But then TikTok, it was just the algorithm. People love it for some reason. I don't care to watch it unless it's you. but then TikTok it was just the algorithm just people love it for some reason yeah I'm not a I don't care to watch it

unless it's you yeah but like clips clips you don't get I don't know it's it's TikTok isn't my app

I'm a Twitter guy you're a Twitter guy I'm on TikTok but I I can't get it I mean I have like $13,000 $14,000

but I can't get like I don't, I have like $13,000, $14,000, but I can't get like, I don't get these videos where like 8 million people view it. Well, but you could chop up, I guess it's the copyright problem, but TikTok doesn't have the copyright thing. Find the apps that don't have the copyright shit and cut it up into a million pieces.

I think with the clips thing, with what maybe has taken off, why it maybe intrigues people is they feel like they're seeing a special moment that's not in yeah i mean like a show they think they're seeing like whoa look at this impromptu thing you know what rather than like oh i'm watching an act there's something about it mentally people think that they're that's why it's special you know yeah but now it's it's gotten to a place where if it started with genuine special moments it's gotten to a place where if it started with genuine special moments,

it's gotten to a place where some of these interactions are like, this is not. It's nothing. It seems like why do it unless it's really special. Sure, but that's the problem is now everyone's like, I've got to have one for the week. And they're trying to do an act with that in mind. Like, I've got to have this moment. It's also Steve Hofstfsetter i think is probably him with the heckler stuff yeah ultimately led i mean a lot of these clips are hecklery

interactions yeah but i'm not good i'm not good with like mean hecklers you know what happened here i do so i'm'm doing my goobies. Don't laugh. I'm not. And I talk about COVID at some point. I say COVID and someone in the front row goes, China flu. And it's that moment where this happened. We talked about it.

Oh, you know, we didn't talk about this where I did some joke at a comedy zone in North Carolina, and it started about Brittany Griner being released from Russia. And it's a dark joke. I don't go on stage moralizing, but I said Brittany Griner was released from Russian prison, and someone in the back went, boo! And I did the worst thing I could do where I was like, I think it's good when Americans get freed from foreign prison. I think that's funny.

I think that's funny because how can they respond back? He came up to me after the show. And so at some point I said like, you know, probably called him an asshole. It wasn't good. But he came up after and he said, you know, I'm helping you. I was just joking. And then he left. And this was after the show. But it put a damper in the show.

Yeah. For sure. But, you know, when someone says it in the front row, like, what am I going to do? Am I going to chastise this?

Make it a learning moment? I didn't have a comeback. I haven't thought about COVID in a long time. So I didn't have a good thing. And I just don't know what my role is. also you gotta just i mean i i used to get madder than i do on now on stage like now i try to bottle it up and but i also as you do this you'll do once you're on stage like for your 10th time on stage you'll learn this but now Now, you also, I mean, you cultivate, if I go do headlining,

I mean, the people who come to see me are pretty nice, actually. They're pretty thoughtful and not shitheads. And if you act like a shithead, you're going to really stand out. Sure. It's not going to be like, they're not going to have like 10 other shitheads

who are like, yeah. Yeah. But if you do a comedy club and it's more like they're not there to see you, then you face that risk a little more. One other thing that happened at Magoob is it was an eventful weekend. I looked over, show was going well,

and this woman was just lying on the floor. Oh. Flat out. I feel like someone else told me a story about someone passing out. Was she drunk? Well, that's a big question but I didn't see her for a little bit and

her friends later revealed that they had tried, that this was their friend who I guess they claim always has migraines. So apparently it was a migraine. But they were basically, they had started positioning the chairs because they were trying to hide her from me on stage so I wouldn't know this that's interesting sweet and i yeah i think they they

maybe she just in their mind she just needed to lie down nothing else needed to be done and they were trying to hide her but then i saw her and i thought about that concert in in in texas where 10 people died and people criticized what was it astroworld astroworld and people were criticizing the singer for not like going like hey people were getting crushed and i thought in my moment like this is my moment 30 people at mcgoobies so i i stopped the show i said are you okay no you did the right i've done that before yeah yeah people i know someone pass out in a seattle show and you're just kind of like, I'm not going to barrel through my act looking at someone on the ground.

But what a way to go for that person, if this is the end. It's seen like a great comedian, then dying would be great. And then they came in. I was talking about me, not you. They ushered her out, and it was a weird,

it took a while. It took a while for her to stand up and leave. And I'm on stage, and it was a weird, it took a while. It took a while for her to stand up and leave. And I'm on stage, and I'm like, I don't know when to make a joke about it. And then thankfully, they told me about the chairs, and I said, you know, that's the U.S. healthcare system, blah, blah, blah. And it was fine. But it put a damper in the show. It put a damper in the show for sure. Yeah.

Anyone ever die at a show yours uh die no i don't think no sure die laughing hell yeah um i did i did a play once and a woman died at the um before it started so before they sat down in the audience like at their lucky her like at their apartment they died in the hospital so it was one of those dinner in a theater kind of thing so it was at dinner

it was like in the lobby area of the theater I love that you didn't call that dinner theater dinner and a theater dinner and a theater trying to separate it

trying to make it doesn't sound it sounds a little higher class dinner and a theater you know no we got a strip and a theater. No. We got a strip and a club.

Well, let's move on to our next segment. This has got to stop. This has got to stop. You said you didn't prepare at all. I didn't. Preparing's got to stop. Yeah. There you go.

Okay, Russell. How could you do less at this point? So we'll all start with one, and if anything pops up, how does we talk? Anything that needs to stop, specific, okay, Russell. How could you do less at this point? So, well, I'll start with one, and if anything pops up, how does we talk? Anything that needs to stop, specific, grand. For me, I talked to someone recently, and they said I was trying to make plans for, I want to get a, this is new, my beard, and I wanted to get a headshot with the beard so people know. Yeah, you got gotta let people know

that you got a beard. And he said we're on the phone talking and he said, let me get back to you when I'm in front of my calendar. And I've worked with this person before and there's a lot of like, well, I can't know until I get home and get in front of my calendar.

Enough with the paper, with a calendar that doesn't exist in the cloud. You don't know. What do you mean? He might have a calendar that he writes stuff down on. No, no, no. You're saying you believe him.

No, I think he does, and it's time to stop. Get in front of my calendar? Let me call you back when I can get the electricity to read the piece of paper. Paper calendars that you have to wait until you get home that night to consult. I don't understand. It's one of those things where I'm sure they're like, oh, it's less stressful. I like to look at my week.

I like to look at my month. I like to look at my day. And I go, that's great. Move to an Amish society. Because you are forcing everyone around you everyone around you you're to to to to uh uh inconvenience themselves to help you you're forcing this person to have everything at their fingertips right away like you're also for the photographer? Was this the photographer?

Yes. And a photographer. Let's also add this to the equation. We're not talking about my grandma. It's a business thing. When do you want to get lunch? Yeah. Photographer.

Okay. So I don't think he listens, but he could. And you need to get a digital calendar. It's like someone who, when people, when I call people and their voicemail box is full you lose your phone for a month legally because once again maybe you're like

i don't like listening to voicemails too bad this is part of the societal agreement that sometimes someone needs to leave a message and instead i have to call you again needs to leave a message and instead i have to call you again because you don't like voicemail that's gotta stop it does i like that that's your this gotta stop this one thing this one guy did one that's gotta stop i've heard the phrase calendar let me get in front of my calendar if you ever said that to me because we're close, I'd smack you. Yeah. Well, I'm good about calendars and emails. You've been getting better.

Yeah. You've been getting better. Yeah. Anything's got to stop, Todd? I was hoping this taping would stop. Yeah. No, I'm joking. I got...

Keep going. I'll chime in. Sure, sure. What do you got, Russell? You got something I'll think as your... I don't have one for... You complained about something the other day on Twitter. What was it?

You saw someone that used... Russell, this has got to stop. Oh, yes. Oh, okay. So I'm all for new words and new things and we're a society. We're moving. We're changing things.

But I saw someone say that... What a way to minimize civil rights the way you just no no i'm mumbling i'm saying like i hate when people complain about like words changing you know like who the fuck but this specific word was used and i don't know if it's a real thing where lots of people are using it it could be again i've seen it just a one time use thing, but I saw the, um, I've heard of unalived for suicide or things like that, or, or there might be a different term,

but this person used it in a way that their cousin murdered someone. And they're like, we are fortunate getting reports that are my cousin unalived his wife. And, um, you know, they're searching for blah, and i was like you can't gussy up murder like it it murder i've never heard that unaligned murder murder like that i think for

suicide or people trying to move away from saying kill yourself or they killed themselves or something so unalived is is a term but i was like that i can see how that makes sense in my head for suicide but for saying it to doing it to someone else they unalived someone I was like, I can see how that makes sense in my head for suicide, but for doing it to someone else, they unalived someone. I was like, no, that's murder. And we don't need a nicer word for murder. It's murder.

And ultimately, it should feel bad. It's important that you feel something when you hear someone murdered someone else. But if suicide just means unalived, what's changed? Unalived just sounds so weird. And it's also what immediately conjures up they killed themselves. Yeah, for sure.

I don't mean to be an edgelord comment, but I don't get that one. I think it's probably that they've heard the word so many times misused or used poorly or used as a negative. Like suicide, certainly people have talked about it as a negative. And so there's a degree of like, well, let's make this not as taboo a topic matter, I guess. Yeah. I guess it's just, but then someday people will be like, unalive yourself, bitch.

And then people go like, you know what? That's a mean, unalive is mean. And it's like, no, you got to have a way to tell people. There's an awkwardness to unalived. It doesn't really. That's my, my thing with, with new words is sometimes I'm like, I don't feel like this one's going to catch. Yeah.

Where, where you're like, let's have a marketing meeting about this word. And unalived is one. Yeah. When you make words longer, it can be tough for, good luck. Yeah. I hope it works out. How do you feel about coffee shop seating where they, this is something, I may have talked about this on other podcasts.

Maybe not. But this has got to stop what I'm about to say. I like a nice, I don't like when someone comes into a coffee shop, plops their shit down on a table, and gets a table, and you're ahead of them, and you didn't bother to do that, so they get a table and they were there after you. You probably do this. I can see by the way you're looking. them and you didn't bother to do that so they get a table and they were there after

you yeah you probably do this i can see by the way you're looking you do that i don't do that i agree that's that is it's cutthroat it's not you have to be have the stuff you have to like you have to have waited in line got the coffee and then okay so you have a big backpack you've been carrying around your back hurts you're getting older on floor. You're worried about where your life is going. Put it on the floor next to you while you're in line. So you're saying the backpack is all right to carry up to the point of the 30 seconds it takes to order a coffee. Who knows how long? Maybe the line's a little long.

Put your fucking backpack down on the floor. Exactly, Russell. Yeah. How do you know that? But maybe you don't want a table. If you wanted a table so bad, why didn't you leave something there? Because I don't want to be, I don't want to do that. I probably have done it.

The only time I've done it is if there's someone ahead of me and I'm like, I bet they don't want a table because everyone's ordering takeout. But I'm ready to give up the table. But generally, I don't like that that exists. Okay. Listen, I don't have to agree with this. It's got to stop. It's a code of honor.

Yeah, it's a little cutthroat. This has got to stop. Yeah. If you don't have to agree with it. This has got to stop. It's a code of honor. Yeah, it's a little cutthroat. This has got to stop. Yeah. If you don't want cutthroat, go back to Fort Lauderdale, New York. This is the cutthroat city. You don't sit in a chair, someone's taking that chair. Damn. Damn.

Let's go on to our final segment. You better count your blessings. You better count your blessings. Oh, I forgot to mention that the only other thing we had, was it your favorite Walgreens? Oh, yeah. You know, it closed. Yeah, I know.

I had like 30 messages from people. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. But did you get back to each one going like, thank you for calling? Hey, I heard. Thank you. Hey, I heard. Thank you so much.

My condolences. Thank you so much. Thank you. Hey. You know, I did a show once. I think it was in Austin. And a guy before me, this is when I was doing that joke, did a different joke about that exact Walgreens.

And I was like, you know, because I always say when, you know, someone burned a premise that I wanted. Sure. Or oftentimes you could still do it. But I was like, I had to find it. I was like, I'm going to still do my fucking Walgreens Chicago. And I did it, but it's just weird that it was like of all things that you're doing before me.

He wasn't stealing a joke. Sure. He just came stealing a joke. Sure. He just came up with a different joke. That's all. I open her sometimes. They'll ask preemptively. They'll be like, is there anything you don't want me to talk about?

And I always said to myself, I will never ask that unless I was taping something. I don't want to be like, don't I hear stories of people being like, don't talk about relationships. And it's like, what are you doing? I only do that if I'm doing like a long chunk on something sure and then i'll be like if you don't mind can you not but you could or i'll say do you have any jokes about this and then they go no and then

okay we're gonna but i don't yeah i don't think there's some things you can't talk about but but i could see you being like you know that walgreens and with the and i also say no crowd work i've been thinking about wanting to ask features that i don't mind the host does it but features sometimes i know some features that go into crazy crowd work and if i'm headlining i don't like it yeah you how do you ask do you say do you go like i just when i book the show i go sure i say uh i need someone someone, and the only rule is that there's no jokes about this one topic, and then no crowd work. I'm going to start doing that.

I need more rules. You don't have the... Yeah. You're still, eight years in, you're still like, you take what you can get. That's who you think you are. You can't sell while you're, you're not going to pick the hotel, you're not going to pick how much money you make. You're just going to be happy that you get up there.

Then you earn the right to be picky. Russell, do you have a blessing? Yeah, it's really simple. I do my own cold brew at home, and some days it's good, some days it's bad. It was really good today. Wow. It was really good. What exactly happens when it's bad?

What's wrong? It's really good. What exactly happens when it's bad? Like what, what's wrong? It's like the coloring. You can tell with the coloring, like when it's too light, it's, it's not as good. If it's too dark, it's too much.

It was a good, perfect. You measuring this or just going by feel? Well, I, you know, I get the, the grounds from my local thing and I,

you know, I have like, it's like a tube. It drips down. How many glasses do you drink a day? Uh, just one big one. Um, but that's it. Cold brew, man. I bought, I had some the other day and it I have like, it's like a tube. It drips down. How many glasses do you drink a day? Just one big one. But that's it.

Cold brew, man. I bought, I had some the other day and it was just like, I was ready to like kill people. No, no, no. I do one, I do one, one a day. But, but you know, I do it and then I put it, it's usually it lasts for, for a couple of days and then do a new one. So you don't go out for coffee? Well, try not to, but I do sometimes. I do almost every single day.

Absolutely. What's your base? Starbucks, Dunkin'? No, no, no. I'm an indie coffee. I'm in some smaller chains, like Think or Le Colombais. But I almost never go to Starbucks unless it's the absolute. I hope I'm not going to put them out of business.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. He's got to stop Starbucks. But I mean, occasionally I'll have Dunkin' Donuts coffee, but that's only if it's like it's right there and I'm not going to go. But I love looking for the indie third wave coffee shops all over the road. Yeah? Yeah. What do you like about them?

I just, I don't know. I just feel at home there. I just feel like that's like, and I honestly probably don't know the difference in the coffee. Like, I'm not really, I don't have a really refined palate, but I do know I don't like those fruity coffees. I agree. I like vanilla coffee recently. Oh, my God. Not pump. Not pump.

The bean. Something in the bean. Trader Joe's has good vanilla. Really? Yeah. And because of the Whole30, I've been drinking it black. I'm trying to get to black. I made that switch years ago.

I figured like this. When people order those milkshake type, it just get black coffee. I feel like coffee is an opportunity to have something that has basically no calories and gives you a lot of pleasure. Yeah. And it's flavorful. It's flavorful. It's a little bitter, but I'm getting used to it. Coffee is an opportunity to have something that has basically no calories and gives you a lot of pleasure. Yeah. Yeah. And it's flavorful. It's flavorful. It's a little bitter, but I'm getting used to it.

That's why I like the vanilla. It's like a little, just eases me in there. But what I also like is the problem with adding milk is then it's not hot enough. I want my coffee to be hot. Yeah. I'm Michael. If I'm at home, I'm Michael. I'm Michael.

Cold. You're cold. Yeah. Todd, do you have a blessing? I'm trying to think. I found these really good cat treats at Trader Joe's that my cats really like. Russell has a cat?

Really? Yeah. How old is your cat? She's like four-ish. Oh, okay. Cool. How old is yours? Oh, my God.

Eight, I guess. Yeah, eight. Wow. Yeah, two thousand. Oh, my God. Nine almost. Wow. Does that mean almost done how long

come on they can live like they can live like 20 years i've i had a cat that lived to 22 when i was growing up wow 22 that's old yeah that's kind of unusually old yeah have you had a cat that's died yeah when i was a young person i remember when my cat died when i was a kid the cat like disappeared. Some cats, if I'm correct, they go, they know they're about to die

so they kind of like go away in a secret place. Or they'll hide under the bed or something. Yeah. Yeah. Or maybe my parents just said that

so I didn't see the body or whatever. I, people on TikTok post like about, like, this is my last day with my cat and I'm sitting there crying in my fucking apartment. I mean, I've never cried.

But it's a bummer. But thanks for bringing up dead cats. After I just told you about my cat. My cat. This is how I do. My blessing, Paige got me a wonderful Christmas gift it was so this is how

perfect it is so it was a it was a fancy bottle of wine with some kind of backstory oh yeah I saw that picture but there was a there was a picture of it

of me as a Dragon Ball Z character I don't know if you know what Dragon Ball Z is I don't it's an anime I don't need to know so it was a very cool

rendition of me in very good shape as an anime character. And then four wine glasses, because we don't have any. Tova and I don't have any. And they were the orange and blue of Dragon Ball Z, but light enough in a way where Tova's okay with it. Because Tova...

Say that again. Everything you just said, say it all again. So the colors of the show, like the outfits or whatever, it's like a kind of an orange and a blue. Okay. And so the glasses have a blue and an orange tint. They're like nerd wine glasses? No, no, no, but in a tasteful way.

They're very fancy. They look cool. Which is good because if they were nerd glasses, they're staying here. I just don't think of anime fans drinking wine. I feel like they drink grape soda or something. Yeah, sorry. The Dragon Ball Z store is all out of wine glasses. They're all plastic.

But it was a very nice... That's a nice gift. What'd you get her? It was a... A very generous bonus. A very generous bonus a very generous bonus but okay which which again there was a part of me that's like well that's technically not a gift that's like a work thing you should pay her like a dollar for every email she sends to get guests i can't afford that todd you would have cost three hundred dollars alone that's the joke I was making.

It's like, Todd, you live next door. We've never had a guest closer to the studio in our entire lives. Don't reveal where I live. People scouring a radius of this. Okay, so this is coming out. I wrote it down here. Where the fuck did it go? Oh, January 31st.

Is there anything you'd like to plug? I have like no tour dates booked for this year except for one in January 22nd. You did a big tour. I did a bunch of tour dates, yeah. Do you consider it like, I call everything a tour because like,

does it mean something to you? Yeah, I mean, I try to give the tours a name and this one was like, you know, because of the pandemic, it was like 2020 stadium tour then it became the 2021 or whatever what i'm getting the years confused now we're into the 2023s yeah

but uh yeah so i really i i don't have any i'm a bunch of stuff is getting booked good allegedly allegedly but i have well let's see what we can plug you can get you can watch my crowd work special that they were talking about on Amazon Prime. I have a special called Spicy Honey on Netflix. I have a book that I wrote. I own the book. You own the book? I'll sign that for you for $20.

And, you know, follow me on Twitter, Instagram, blah, blah, blah, blah. And what's your handle on that? Todd Barry. Nice clean, blah, blah. And what's your handle on that? Todd Berry. Nice clean. Oh, man. I was so, that was, the count of my blessings was when I was able to get Todd Berry on TikTok. That was huge. Yeah.

Yeah. Russell, what do you want to plug? January 31st. We don't have any function. I would just, Titanic, Daryl Roth Theater, eight shows a week. Come see me in that. I will be headlining in Bethlehem on February 4th. That's Steel Stacks.

Oh, I've done that. That's good. Yeah? Yeah. And then I'll be at the Comedy Zone Charlotte, February 8th, Charlotte, North Carolina. Then I'll be in Asheville, North Carolina,

February 9th. Where in Asheville? It's a random room. It's a cool city. Yeah. I did a festival there once. Okay. The Laugh Your Asheville.

I did that once also. Yeah. That was the first time I ever performed for like 500 people. Really? Yeah. That's weird that you perform for more people than I did. You vacillate between Self-deprecation And then self-aggrandizement

Yeah You were correct And then I'll be at The Blue Ridge Comedy Club In Fuck Bristol, Tennessee February 10th and 11th

What's that like? I wonder I don't know It's new Small Chill vibe Oh small and chill I like I love playing the south that like? I don't know. It's new, small, chill vibe. Oh, small and chill. I like it.

I love playing the South, man. Really? I love it. It depends. I've mentioned before I say I'm Jewish on stage once in a while. Yeah. And someone in the audience, three different shows in the South, they go, ugh. Really?

Loud. Yeah. That's because you're playing to random people. Sure. I get more Jews now, believe you me. Frankly, part of me is like,

I think I'm building, by no choice, just a big Jewish fan base. Yeah, build that base, then they show up and you don't have to worry about that happening.

Yeah. But that's another 10 years that's going to take. Sure. But you're doing the work. You got a booking agent? Yeah. Matt Bourne at Innovative.

You don't need to say the name. I think they listen. I think they listen. They'll never listen to this one. They'll be like, Todd. They'll try to poach me for my agent. Yeah, yeah. That's how they doach me for my age. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

That's how they do it. That's how they self-podcast guests. I forgot what I was talking about. That'd be cool one day. If one day this podcast, I had an agency

be done and they said, if you want to go on tour, you want to start selling out, it's either a big TV gig, big social media, or Joe Rogan. If you go on Joe Rogan, that tour's gonna sell out.

One day I hope the downside will be a leftist alternative for other comedians who want to sell it on the road. I feel like no one thing sells. It's chaos. Yeah. I haven't had a show that

wasn't sold out for 20 years. My shows aren't sold out quite often. This is The Downside. One, two, three. Why'd you cut me off? Downside. You're listening to The Downside. The Downside.

With Gianmarco Ceresi.