The Downside with Gianmarco Soresi - #124 Four Times a Day with Ismael Loutfi

Episode Date: February 21, 2023

Comedian Ismael Loutfi joins to discuss getting divorced over the phone, having your second wife take your couples counselor for herself, making friends only after taking off his kufi, and why it’s okay to delay prayer in order to do a podcast. You can watch full video of this episode HERE! Join the Patreon for ad-free episodes, exclusive content, and MORE. Follow Ismael Loutfi on Instagram, Twitter, & TikTok Get tickets to Ismael's one man show, Heavenly Baba, on March 15 at QED and March 25 at Brooklyn Comedy Collective Watch Ismael's Comedy Central special, Sound It Out, on YouTube Follow Gianmarco Soresi on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, & YouTube Subscribe to Gianmarco Soresi's email & texting lists Check out Gianmarco Soresi's bi-monthly show in NYC Get tickets to see Gianmarco Soresi in a city near you Watch Gianmarco Soresi's special "Shelf Life" on Amazon Follow Russell Daniels on Twitter & Instagram See Russell in Titanique in NYC! E-mail the show at [e-mail] Produced by Paige Asachika & Gianmarco Soresi Video edited by Dave Columbo Special Thanks Tovah Silbermann Part of the Authentic Podcast Network Original music by Douglas Goodhart Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What's that noise? That's a pigeon. What else could it be? I don't know. I want you to guess all the things. I couldn't hear that well. What else could it be? It could be lovemaking. I don't know.

Is that what you sound like when you go? And Nicole's like, already? Welcome to The Downside. My name is Jermarcus Harazi. I'm here with my co-host, Russell Daniels. Hello. You good? Yeah. I'm here with my co-host, Russell Daniels. Hello. You good? Yeah, I'm good.

We are joined today by a guest where, I'll be honest, I was excited because I thought you had recently been divorced. He was so excited to dive into that negative. And I was already, I was like, I should ask him up front. Like, is it okay to talk about it on the podcast? But he talks about it on stage. Yeah. So that's fine. Yeah. But you're already here.

I know. So we don't have another guest in the wings. Please welcome stand-up comedian Ismail Lutfi, everyone. Welcome.

Hello. Not divorced. Yes. Not divorced. Almost, but not quite. Wow. How?

Not quite. I was, you know what? I had this whole plan sometimes i have sometimes i have little jokes where i was gonna say this is my plan so let's just act out what i was gonna do and pretend this is uh this is before you got back together yeah great um ismail i i uh to prepare for this i watched your comedy central half hour you talked about my god getting married right before the the pandemic how's how's the marriage gone well it's uh you know it's dead it's dead and buried and i'm uh really happy this to the downside with john marco cerezi well that was the episode you guys could have had but uh wait this is better i'm back together and i'm sad yeah sure wait now no not really uh gonna watch this this is gonna be uh everything's good we're fine

you know what you're i had this thought where i said like you like me you like talking about your life on stage in a way where i almost like is it my responsibility to be like is about don't talk about this if you got back together don't talk about it like you'd have to tell me not to be doing jokes about it or even now in this podcast but but that other part of me that really like slimy part is like yeah tell me everything no i know i don't know it's uh fucked up to get divorced so oh i know well i've divorced parents so yeah so you were on the brink we were on the brink we were separated for two and a half months okay and like living separately kind of and cohabitating once in a while when we had to be in the apartment together. This is your first marriage, yes?

This is my second marriage. Even better than before. So just so you know, Russell's still on his first. Oh, you're married? Still on my first. Oh, I see. Okay. Hell yeah.

I'm trying to think how long. Seven years. Seven years. Wow. Yeah wow yeah wow yeah that's great yeah is it boring is it boring no i have fun with it you know um i'm enjoying it it's fun okay we do different things do they did you do you do different things or no wait is she a comedian as well she's not a comedian oh we do oh do like occupation yeah she's a grad student okay yeah. Yeah, studying labor law. Okay.

And you've been married how long? You said right before the pandemic. Yeah, three years. Okay, how long did you date before that? Four months. Oh, that was quick. Yeah. Quick. Whoa.

Okay, all right. Yeah. Sorry to jump right in. You're romantic. Hey, jump into it. Are you a romantic? I am. Really?

I'm a fool. I'm a fool for love. Are you kidding me? Yeah. Four months. and not just four months four months after a divorce already because he's a romantic why what's the rush was 10 years ago i was 17 i'm a kid okay all right let's all right all right so so uh ismail luffy uh a very funny stand-up comedian. We've worked together before. And you grew up in Florida. Yeah, North Florida.

North Florida. So why did you get married at 17? Religious reasons. I was a very devout Muslim boy. Still am. Muslim man. Is getting married young in all religions? Is it the same? Sex, right?

Yeah, it's for sex. And I mean, Islam is actually very strict about it like you're not allowed to be alone in the room in a room with a woman if you're not married or like in the family with her like even some people won't be won't have cousins of the opposite sex in the same room because a lot of cultures do cousin marriage you're jewish you know this i know i know i know my girlfriend come on no my girlfriend she went on she talked about having to Because a lot of cultures do cousin marriage. You're Jewish. You know this. No, I know. I know. You know the cousin marriage? Come on.

No, my girlfriend, when she went on, she talked about having to test for the genes to make sure there's no... Oh, yeah. Tay-Sachs. Tay-Sachs, yeah. That's a rough one. But... I saw a documentary about Tay-Sachs when I was nine years old, and I cannot get it out

of my mind. It's fucked up. Is it within the Muslim community as well? Absolutely not. Oh, no. No, no, up. Is it within the Muslim community as well? Absolutely not. Oh, no. No, no, no. Is there less cousin hooking up? I think it's not a matter of there's less cousin hooking up.

I think there's just more cousin hooking up among the Jewish community. Yeah. Because there's less of you. Sure. So when you do it, it's percentage-wise. Jewish cousins are sexier. Yeah, Jewish cousins are pretty hot. I'll say that.

They're pretty hot. Does that boy-girl thing, is it only like around puberty or is it even when you're a kid? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Once you start having to pray and having to wear hijab and do like the grown-up things, then suddenly your sexuality is a go. Does the hijab, is it connected to having a period or a certain age no i mean yeah kind of like technically i think once you have your period you're supposed to according to conservative muslims but some you know some people a lot of muslim women don't

wear hijab and are practicing sure yeah yeah yeah what is there a name for like orthodox you know there's orthodox judaism yeah was there are there names like that or were you just practicing no no there's there's different delineations and ways to look at it uh my family we're not that we're not like salafi that's the term a salafi is like a hardcore conservative muslim they're the ones you see on the train with the beard sometimes it's dyed red orange and they have orange yeah where they have like a dress. I don't think I've seen a dyed orange beard. You've never seen a Pakistani guy with an orange beard? Or I thought they were just going through a goth face.

I dyed my hair orange when I was in a goth face. That's why I say there's a lot of fully dyed. Yeah, like orange. Or red. And why? Well, they do it because... No, Russell, you answer. I know, I just knew it happened.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go ahead. I'm watching. No, they do it because the prophet, peace be upon him, his friend had a red beard. So they imitate him. It's kind of bizarre. Can I ask you, you just said, peace be upon him.

That's what you say? Yeah, that's what you gotta say. And you still say it? of course i'm i'm still i know you're an atheist i wouldn't say a full atheist i'm a believer i wouldn't say a full atheist i pray five times i pray four times a day specific times or yeah of course okay wait four you said four you see i missed the early there's one that's at like four in the morning i miss it all the time you're supposed to pray they're saying their their alarms, they're getting up at four in the morning. Oh, yeah, man. Yeah.

If that's your prayer. Okay. So, okay. It's a short prayer. It's five minutes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You say you're just cutting one out? You're just saying, yeah, fuck it.

I feel bad. I ask God for forgiveness. I mean, four is better than none. Thank you. If he's a believer. And I try it. Sometimes I do five. Sometimes. Ramadan's coming up

Then I'm gonna hit my five again You got a late show Is it the same Time every day Yeah Well it moves around But it's essentially the same time When's the next one

What time is it right now Four Four The next one is gonna be Pretty soon Like five Five fifteen But I can

I'll delay it I'll delay it That's the kind of Muslim I am. I'm a little lenient. I'm lenient. Okay. What? Oh, no, no.

I'm interested in this. Because I think I'm fascinated with like, I'm like, it's like, for me, I'm like, well, are you in or are you not? Yeah, but don't you think- I think I'm like, I'm ultra conservative in the sense that I'm like, four? No, but don't you think it's the same thing with- You can't just do four. Why don't you do three? Then two.? You can't just do four. Why not do three?

Then two. Then none. You're right. I think it's the same thing as like, okay, in Judaism, when they can't have their hair showing so they wear wigs, that's a little bit of a going around the way. That's more like an institutionalized loophole. But do you know what I mean?

But I see what you're saying. I feel like if you were really conservative about it, you'd be like, no, no wigs. Cover that head. You know? My thing is that if you think it's okay to do a little less, why do any of it at all? You're right. Just ask for a little more forgiveness.

That's true. That's true. But the thing is that in Islam, there's a thing called – well, not just that. I don't get anything out of it. In Islam, you have your intention that's a very big part of the religion and if your intention is to be doing better then you're doing better and that's good for you and if your intention is to do what you're saying and go i can do one now and by the way i've lived my life and done one here and there like there's

years where i didn't pray more than once a day Just because I was lazy or whatever And now I'm doing better than that so I feel good I've intended to be a good person my whole life And I've done jack shit That's not true You put up a farce It's weird that this is a negativity podcast You're a very happy person

From every interaction I've had with you Every time I've been next to you You've been Glowing You, you've been glowing. You've only seen me after good sets then. That's not true. That's not true. I mean, I've been with you around sets that you thought were good.

I ran into you at JFL this year. You were there doing New Faces, or it was 2020. Yeah, yeah. And I was there just shitting around. They brought me and kicked me to the side. But you were on cloud nine. It was a good week. You said it couldn't have gone better.

You said, this is it for me. It was a good week. You said some things that I went, uh-oh. And then the other day I saw you at Session. I said, my don't tell set sucked oh that's right jokes didn't work and i laid that on your feet right you did uh uh but even that's positive because you're so excited and optimistic that the fact that one joke didn't work is like fucking you up i think there is like inversion there people who are really negative are actually

really positive if they just put up a front to be negative because if you could have seen me in the delta lounge at six in the morning crying on the phone to tova about how awful my set was that's just mental illness that's just a week yeah just a week man but okay so i i i really know so little so i'm just okay so you so you you up, is there like school? Is there like a Hebrew school equivalent? There are Islamic schools, but not really in Florida. I went to one for six months. I have a whole one-man show I'm doing about it now.

I hate myself that I just said that, but I'm doing a show. No, we were just saying earlier today that there's not enough one-man shows from stand-up comedians. Actually? Were you actually saying that? No, we were not saying that. Okay. Well, don't bring me into it. I like them.

That hurt me. That hurt me. No, mine is good. Mine is good. I'm sure it's good. You can do 15, 20 up top, and then I'll do the thing. I will happily. You would love it.

Sure. It's fun. I'm sure I will. I don't know anything about it, so that's why I have it. I did go to Islamic school for six months, and it was kind of a bad time because i was more religious than all my classmates and my dad was more religious than everybody and it was just very alienating and but they were somewhat religious yeah they were very ritualistic about it very they treated it like like catholics kind of do what what like what was the behavior you exhibited where the kids were like, oh, boy.

Well, they didn't sound that. They didn't sound like Jews. They didn't sound like Jews. No, no. Abs are pretty Jew-y, actually. But no, I wore a kufi on my head every single day from the age of like 7 to 16. What does a kufi look like? A kufi looks like a yarmulke,

but it covers your whole top of your head. That's so interesting because I've always thought the yarmulke, it must have evolved because Jews, we have bald spots. Right. And do you just have bigger bald spots? I guess we do. We just have larger bald spots, probably. I think it probably looks better. I think it does look better.

No offense, it does. Maybe it does look better. Because it's like a hat. Yeah. You're just a white guy, right? I'm just a white guy. Okay, so your opinion, I do value it in a. Yeah. You're just a white guy, right? I'm just a white guy. Okay, so your opinion, I do value it in a weird way.

You're a neutral party. You're neutral. But yes, I think it looked better because Yamaka, God bless you, it looks like it's going to fall off. It just does. Yeah, there's a stressful element to Yamakas. You're like, oh, a strong breeze. Yeah. What if you trip? It's a little bit stressful watching it.

When we played in middle school, I played basketball. And we played the Jewish school. And they all had yarmulkes. And you'd beat them because they'd go to shoot but then fall off. And they had to prioritize the picking up of the yarmulke over the ball. Is that true? Yeah. And so you destroy them.

And sometimes you might kind of accidentally graze it off. Oh, no. And go boom. Then I would miss the shot and it would be okay. But you weren't wearing one. What? You weren't wearing one.

No, I wasn't raised religious at all. My girlfriend, she grew up Chabad. Oh, right. Yes. Which is a sect of Hasidism.

Yeah. And, so she's been indoctrinating me more. Is she trying to get you into it? No. I mean, she's in the communal aspect. She just has like, we have, I was doing a Zoom at my apartment and we have a big picture of the Rebbe over me.

Messiah? And so the person on the Zoom was like, who's that? I was like, oh, that's the Rebbe. I guess we have big Jewish figures hanging off the walls now. She has a mezuzah out there. She likes that stuff. I don't mind it, but she has a...

The same way I like Dragon Ball Z. She likes that stuff. It tickles something. She would argue that it's not the same, but it's the same. Sure, I can kind of understand that. I like where you're from, though. I like your core. There's a depth into you that that i think is beautiful because you want things to be real

that's what i detect from you i do you want shit to be real and so you're kind of like oh yeah if you don't actually believe it it's like dragon ball z sure because you don't actually believe in dragon ball z no it exists but it's not and you you like it. Way of life. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But I also, again, I have that thing, like, I rub up against the title of atheist. Like, I'm always like, I'm not. Not really. I still have. That's so harsh. You know, I did my homework, and I listened to an episode with Jeffrey Asmus.

That's a good one to listen to. And you said that you had a little Bill Maher in you, and you wanted to get rid of all religion. In a peaceful way, not like in an extermination type scenario. That's a great soundbite. If you ever find yourself going, in a peaceful way, not an extermination scenario.

Listen, I think I can understand the logic behind that, but I also think that human beings will find anything to fill that gap if they need it in their life to like, you know, to like, you know, like extremists or things or to be a community thing, like whatever, all the umbrella of things. I think that even if you removed it, people would find more cults or I don't know.

Sure, I don't disagree. I don't disagree. I mean, in the negative, I don't disagree. I don't disagree. I mean in the negative and in the positive too. Like, because, you know, it offers a lot of positive things for a lot of people too.

You know? Right. You're not going to have kids. That's your plan. Are you going to have kids? Yeah, of course. So, there's this degree

where you get to go like, eh, whatever happens, whatever happens. You don't, like, you happens, whatever happens. You don't believe, but you don't have to have a kid to make the decision of, do I want to raise

this kid with anything? Do I want to teach him religion? So in a way, it's just like you're someone at the poker table with no chips going in. You have no stake anymore. You're just enjoying the rest of your life. Oh, you think you're doing this for your future kids no no but i'm saying like you get to go like it is what it is right and i'm like well some of us have to go like well what is it gonna be yeah

your line ends with you like it's over yeah so it doesn't matter there's no belief you're like yeah keep the religion around sure it doesn't affect me well okay i'm sorry i don't want to wipe out every religion it just seems like a big task for someone to do so okay the problem with it is that it's a lot of work yeah it just your laziness is preventing you yeah yeah yeah yeah but you're enjoying it like at the age like were you enjoying going to services like this is fun was it ever like yeah i mean enjoyment there was an element of enjoying it because i would get out of school early that was nice on fridays my mom would pick me up at like noon so not even half the day so every friday i got to go go to the mosque instead that was great

i don't know math very well sure i definitely missed lots of lessons. Sure, you keep thinking four is five. It's a real disaster. Yes. But... Oh, yes. Fair callback. So, is there like, is there a bar mitzvah, an event as you get older, some kind of celebration? No. No. It's just up to your discretion when you're like,

I think I'm a man now. And that only... And you announce it? No, you don't announce it. No, you don't tell anybody. No, I'm a man! This doesn't only and you announce it no you don't know you don't tell anybody you know i'm a man this doesn't apply to men this only applies to girls like for guys you just do whatever but for girls once they feel like they're of age that's when they in a conservative family would start wearing the hijab yeah and they they say they one day come down and say mom i want to buy a shot yeah well yeah usually the mom would be like, all right, I think you're ready. Is it connected at all?

I know you said it's not, you get a period and you get it, but it's like around that age. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it's around the age of, well, I guess it applies to men too. That's when you have to start praying too. Because before puberty, before you're like an adult kind of. Are there any guys at 24 that are still not praying? They're like, I just don't feel like a man quite yet.

That's what I was doing. That's what I was doing when I was like 20. I didn't pray at all when I was maybe 19, 20, 21. Because I just didn't think about it. Even though I grew up super religious. For some reason, I was just doing stand-up. I was doing open mics all the time. And my whole mind was consumed with this bullshit. And I didn't feel. I was like, yeah, I'll pray eventually. What age did you start stand-up. I was doing open mics all the time, and my whole mind was consumed with this bullshit,

and I didn't feel. I was like, yeah, I'll pray eventually. What age did you start stand-up? 18. 18. Okay, so 17. Yeah. You meet this gal.

Yeah, a little white girl. Yeah. Was she Muslim as well? No. Presbyterian. And why was she willing to get married? Was she religious? Presbyterian? She why was she willing to get married? Was she religious? Presbyterian?

She was the way that Christians are. Yeah, okay. She'll go to service once in a while. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She loves Jesus. But, like, she doesn't have any... I mean, this is my belief generally about most Christians, that they don't believe anything.

Most Americans don't have any ideology. They believe in nothing, and they're all going to, you know, just go with the wind soon. Do you think... think as china takes over we're kind of just disappearing we're an ideologyless nation i don't disagree yeah but but do you feel like on the whole more this is a big general question more muslim people believe in it more than christ people? For sure. Really? Yeah, without a doubt. Without a doubt. Because also, Islam is really dictated.

Like, the things we do in our religion are things that the Prophet Muhammad did and told us to do. And it's documented. And it's documented in a way that's picked apart by the people that are around him so there's whenever anyone quotes the Prophet peace be upon him they don't just say that it's his quote they go this is a prophet Muhammad as narrated by his friend blah blah blah so like everything is really it's just nerdy science like quasi scientifically produced reproduced you know what I'm trying to say? Whereas everything that

Christians do has been diluted over 2,000 years to the point where it's like, did Jesus have a band? Did he have a rock band? Like what is this prayer that you're doing? Not to shit on Christians even though I'm very I'm being very mean right now

but that's how I've always felt about it and the reason I'm very mean right now. But that's how I've always felt about it. And the reason I'm saying that is that that's why I think Muslims practice more than Christians. Because we're doing things... If you believe in Islam, you believe in the Prophet Muhammad. And then you believe what he said specifically to do. Whereas Jesus didn't specifically say to do the... What's some Catholic weird... The confession. It's not in the Bible. He didn't say to do the, what's some Catholic weird, the confession. It's not in the Bible.

Sure. He didn't say to do that. They're all just kind of making it up to be like, he would want us to, you know what I mean? Yeah. So to be a Christian kind of means that you're without some direct guidance. Which is why the Catholic church dissolving was, not dissolving, but splitting apart in the 1500s was like a fucking crazy thing. Because it was like, this was our order. And now Martin Luther comes and says, like, actually, the Catholic Church is making all that stuff up.

Let me make it. And then they all started making up their own shit. Yeah. Well, it feels like there's so many more variations of it. Yeah, for sure. And so it feels less serious. Yeah. I mean, it's like,

you know, there's Mormonism. I don't know. I know so little about the Prophet Muhammad that I can... Peace people. Now, do you want me

to say that? Say it. No, you don't have to. You don't have to. But if you did, you could. You could have made Russell say it

every time we said it. Oh, without a doubt. By the end of the show, I would have thought it. If I were to talk shit about the Prophet Muhammad right now, would you be like, stop, please? No, I wouldn't be like, stop. Because you're a comedian. That's the conflict.

This is the conflict that I want to discuss. Because like, okay, for example, I know someone says Prophet Muhammad dated quite young. Dated. Dated. Went on a couple Tinder dates with someone quite young. Yeah, yeah. He had a wife who was very young.

How young? How young is she? Okay, this is what I'm talking about with the different narrations. Different people say different ages. Some people very... Say she looked 18. Different people say different ages. Some people very... Say she looked 18. No, no, no.

Some people, and it's a very flimsy, it's a very flimsy quote. This means that there's not a lot of people that back it up, say that she was six. But the more... Oh, God. The more, all right. I thought the flimsy one was going to be like the bad one. No, no, no. The qualified ones say that she was 13, 14 14 and they didn't consummate till she was

16 years old that's what they say which this was the year 600 a.d this is a long time ago um i knew this is where you were going because shane gillis this is like our go-to argument he will just see me and immediately be like nine years old like that's the first thing he says to me when he sees me so I knew you were going there and it's okay it's okay so when you're when you meet this how old was he?

maybe he was seven no I'm not entertaining this line of questioning he was quite old you're going to find it to be reasonable? No, I don't know. This girl you married first, though, she was your age?

Yeah, she was older than me. She was 18. Okay. And I was 17. So already not following in Muhammad's footsteps. Right, that's right. So you met her. Now, you wanted to get married?

So yeah, I met her and we started like, we had a friend group that was really cool it was high school senior year first time i'd ever had friends i'd never had friends forever was it hard to have friends with yeah i don't even think i yeah i mean i grew up potomac maryland i maybe one muslim person in my in my grade but certainly not like practicing i can't i can't imagine what kind of early racism i would have seen if i was praying oh yeah in the middle of this school it just wasn't there right of course no yeah i didn't have very i didn't have any friends but i think it was more me i was just very closed off until senior year i started i took off the koofy this is what i was beginning to say five minutes ago or whatever i

wore this koofy every single day um only took it off to take a shower. Like I would wear it all the time, which by the way, it was just one. It was just one. We're the same one, which, and now here's the kicker is that there's no part of Islam that says you have to wear a kufi every day.

It's, it was completely my own innovation of like, I need to wear this. It was like an identity thing. It was like my thing. Yeah. And I took it off when I was 17 and then i made a bunch of friends and immediately yes hey yeah yeah right yes immediately people were like oh this guy's kind of cool and i started

wearing contact lenses i was like i'm gonna try to be a guy it's like the nerdy woman in the movie who takes her glasses off like exactly but it's the takes off's the loopy. Takes off the koofy. Yes. Took off the koofy. Started making friends. And then there's this girl in the friend group and everyone liked her. So I was like, there's no danger in me getting close to her because she's not going to like me.

And then she did like me. And I was like, oh fuck, this is complicated now. What are the rules in terms of are you allowed to kiss? You're not allowed to be alone in a room with them. So no, nothing. And we were alone in rooms together a lot

and i was that's what i mean by i was like well we're not going to do anything because she doesn't like me so it's fine and then eventually we did start sort of liking each other and then we kissed a few times and then i was like this is can't go on we have to do something to make this right so i i told my dad and he was like this is great he's like this is let's get let's get married let's get you married and he actually said that it was a reward from god for wearing the kufi all those years he was like this is your reward is that you get this beautiful woman to marry you okay so and then so the divorce was punishment for taking it off yeah why did she get married so young is this just florida no well she okay so for i have to clarify a few things

it was not a legal marriage it was a sharia marriage so there was no court we didn't go to court we just had like a little wedding at a falafel restaurant it was in your mind were you like i get to have sex of course the moment this is done yeah of course had you done anything leading up to that with oh wow yeah yeah i mean the the urge could make you do anything absolutely and i remember kissing her what it was like a gateway drug because i i remember kissing her and like when i would close my eyes later that night i would just like see her lips imprinted on the blacks of my eyes you know what i mean yeah and and it yeah it drove me crazy i just remember i just remember i guess there's no way to not be too graphic but like just like the first time a woman touched my

penis where it was just like it was i mean i came immediately it was the greatest i will never feel that level of just yeah and and it's it's amazing how this is where i get skeptical about all religion yeah we're like you bottle that. You take that energy, that young, not fully brain-developed, filled energy, and you're like, now you get married. It's genius. It's a genius

way to get people to do what you want them to do. I think it would probably be better for marriages if none of us had sex ever, though, until we got married. I do kind of get it a lot. I think nothing would be better or worse. I think it doesn't matter.

Marriage is going to be good or bad no matter what you do. It's because, okay, you wait, and then you're ultimately tricking yourself. Like, oh, I guess the only way for me to feel this is with my wife's pussy. But then you get curious and you never got to explore. You do explore. Maybe it lets you later on be like, you know what? I've been there before. It's fun.

But then you got to stay in bed with them after. It's all bad and it's all good. And it doesn't matter what you do. Marriage is not going to get better or worse whether you fuck before or after. It's arbitrary. I don't know. what you do marriage is not going to get better or worse whether you fuck before after it's arbitrary i don't know i think if you fuck a bunch before it does make it for guys at least it makes marriage harder because you know that it's possible to get other ladies what do you mean

you yeah that but by that argument by that argument why aren't why are why are priests fucking i mean they've denied themselves sex all Like I'm saying, people who deny themselves sex in other ways still do criminal things. But that's different. That's different, though. People who use the church to mask themselves, that's what they're doing. I think a lot of these, I don't think. Mask themselves, maybe restrain themselves. I mean, who knows how many aren't doing.

themselves i mean who knows who knows how many aren't doing i'm saying yeah yeah i think our horniness will will will lead people to do all sorts of things whether they had sex before or after i i i feel like people so you don't think that society's um like overt sexuality and in all aspects of it has made has led to more promiscuity. And for the record, I'm not shitting on promiscuity. I don't want anyone commenting, this guy's like a conservative piece of shit. I'm just saying, generally speaking, we're a very promiscuous society because in part of the media, et cetera, et cetera.

I think the premise of promiscuity is- And that makes people less happy when they're committed. People have been cheating since the beginning of time. Of course. And I would say the problem is the concept of promiscuity. I think ultimately, like, first of all, I don't think there's any good way. I think if we had an open place where everyone was fucking and sucking all the time, and you go to the coffee shop, you said, hey, they're cool, handjob.

It would still be bad in other ways. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it would be, like, abusive in other ways. But you have plenty of societies where it is much stricter and they're still cheating and they're still rape and there's still horrible things

that happen with sex. So I don't think it matters. I don't think it matters that if I see Lil Nas X dancing around, I don't think that makes me want to cheat more or less. I don't know. I don't know. I think want to cheat more or less. I don't know. I don't know. I think we just disagree.

I do think that... No, of course. What do you think? Be honest. I agree with you. I agree with you. Yeah, well, you're on the same couch. No, this is a big thing.

I usually, out of principle, to balance things out, side with the guests. So this is a big thing that I'm siding with you. But I do think I side with you in terms of I don't think it would make a huge difference in in i think we should be more sexual i think we should look at primates and go like look at what our inclinations are right do you see the primates they seem to have a good time what are you fucking i'm saying they have war they have war they have war sure and we've done more than them, to be fair. We have done a much better job with what we've been given. But I'm saying that when you... I think it's tough.

It can be tough to talk about, because it sounds like you might be endorsing something that I'm not. I'm just saying I think all our views on sex are horribly repressed in a way where it squeezes out in other ways. There are these crimes and people cheating. I'm not just talking about just criminal or pedophiles here. I'm talking about people cheating,

even though they have rules. I don't think rules change human nature. They just change the way it manifests itself. You could also put an electric collar on everyone, and every time they look at another woman's titties, they get shocked but is that a better society? I don't know, that sounds kind of good

sure, but maybe you do I don't know I do think some people have I think, I'm trying to it's dated at this point, but when Mike Penn said he wouldn't have dinner with a woman if his wife wasn't there I would love to see my girlfriend pretend

like she doesn't think that's a fantastic idea. Because there's a part, I'm not saying she actually believes it, but there's a part of her being like, yeah, that would be great. But I think that is fueled by envy and a kind of envy that's worth addressing within yourself rather than trying to thrust it onto society

sure maybe can this is this going to be a video that says atheist destroys no just destroy this is that's what this is turning into wait can i i need to destroy you how do i just how do i destroy you well how the first marriage work out poorly okay so okay how long was it six months six months and what what was the like oh we gotta this was bad like what was that it was the idea pretty quick yeah well it's her decision i wanted to be with her for the rest of my life oh but i was 17 i was yeah you know she went to some camp over summer where she was a counselor that's so funny because i lost a high school girlfriend from that you lost a wife i lost a wife i lost the wife yep oh she was a counselor yeah at this camp in north carolina she called me on the phone she was like i'm sorry i can't do

this and and uh and you know why she just probably saw some guy she wanted absolutely that's absolutely what it was yeah totally so young yeah we're're kids. But I had a high school girlfriend, and she was going to a summer camp, which there was a counselor there that she had hooked up with the summer before. And I was in love with this woman so much. And I was like... What was her name? You can't share.

You know what? Early when I first started stand-up, in college, I said some jokes on stage, somehow it got back to her. And so now I'm very, but she was my first, like everything except for sex. And so I was,

I just remember the first time it was like, the first sleepover even. It was all magical. It was like a magical period of your life. And I wrote her, to send her off to camp, I wrote her a song, just the lyrics.

And I like wrote it on a paper star. And then I hung, I love you in all these different languages. She was from Russia. So I had all these different languages and I sent it with her. So you just assumed she spoke every language. She's from Russia. She doesn't know one of them.

I loved her international. Every white language I translated, I love you in. And I sent her to camp with it. And she never brought it up. And then, of course, within a week, you're in a cabin. I've been to camp. You're in a cabin.

You're in a cabin. And someone else. And you're both so horny. And you're like, fuck it. Camp makes you cheat. Yeah. Camp makes you horny. When's the last time you talked to her?

It's been seven years maybe okay we we yeah we broke up and then we went to college and we were we had already planned our classes together so so we had like three classes together it was brutal yeah it was horrible you didn't you okay so she got back from camp yeah did you did you like have a walk did you talk no she i mean i was a kid so I was very angry. And she was a very mature person, so she was like, let's just not communicate. I saw her calling on the camp phone. Like, you know, she's got 10 minutes before she has to go and she's delivering.

I'm getting a divorce. I'm divorcing you. I know. And yeah, the most dramatic part was that in Islam, to divorce a woman, you have to say, I divorce you three times in Arabic. Like, that's the official way. You have to say it three times? Oh, that's so brutal. So she was on the phone like, say the words. Like that's the official way. You don't just say it three times. Oh, that's so brutal. So she was on the phone like, say the words.

And I was like, no. Oh, no. I don't wanna. Yeah. How did your family take it? My dad was kind of disappointed, but not, and my family's very chill. They didn't really care that much.

My mom was a little sad, but overall they were kind of relieved. Real quick, I have to know, on the phone, did you go like, I divorce you, and then you talked more? Was it like Beetlejuice? You have to do it three times in a row. No, you have to do it three times in a row with intention. And in Arabic. How long did that phone call last before you said it?

God, probably like an hour and a half. It was a long one. You know how it is when you're a kid, you're breaking up. It becomes like a court case. They have to give you all these reasons. When I was that age, I remember a girl broke up with me, and we had plans to go to the beach two weeks after the fact. And I kept being like, well, we can't break up.

We have plans to go to the beach. Yeah. But finally, at the end of an hour and a half, you're crying on the phone. Oh, weeping. Weeping snot coming out of my nose. She was crying, too, for the record. And you said it. What's the phrase? How do you say it? Talak. coming out of my nose. She was crying too, for the record. And you said it, what was, what's the phrase? How do you say it?

Talak. Talak. At least they keep it short so you can really It's really easy. I divorce you, yeah. Talak, talak, talak. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, and then it was done.

That is brutal. And then I wiped my snot away and I grabbed my sister, Danya, and I was like, I'm going to do stand-up comedy. That night. That was the first time I was like dead. Like, I'm going to do it. Wait, really? night. That was the first time I was dead. I'm going to do it. Wait, really? Yeah.

You had just been a fan up to that point? I always told... And I told everyone in school I was going to do it as a lie. Were the jokes funny that night? No, I didn't do it that night. I didn't do it that night. I was still a kid. You got a headlining spot back in the day?

I thought you did it in open mic. You called up governors like, Hey, I got a hilarious story for you guys. Side splitters, Tampa? Yeah. No, I probably did it for the first time six months after that. Oh, okay. Yeah, or maybe less than that, maybe three or four.

But yeah, yeah. Wow. It was a pivot for sure. When did you get, because it sounds like the religion was a little bit looser at this point. Did it become more intense? I mean, it sounds like, when did you start praying? You said you didn't pray until your 20s, right? I prayed when I was a kid, and then I stopped between probably 18 and 24.

I would pray a little bit, but I wouldn't. Yeah, yeah. And I went to college, started doing open mics, and I just got away from it, kind of. I never drank. I've never drank alcohol. I've never smoked pot. I've never done anything like that.

But yeah, I kind of became... You never have? Never have, no. Any party you want to? No, especially not with alcohol don't ever why or weed uh it just looks like a bad time i know it looks fun on movies but i've been around enough drunks and i have a lot of friends there's a happy version of drinking there's a happy version of pot is there no argument to be said of like oh you see it's like putting on a different pair

of glasses you're like oh what does it look like with the red glass but i have i'm very anxious i'm an extremely anxious person so i'm having any kind of alteration to my mind you do it slight though you you don't you don't you you go extreme really extreme people know like you know sometimes people just have a sense of what they could do what they you know what I mean? Sure, but I can't see the Harmon in visiting it mildly. I also know my personality. I have a really addictive tendency. Even with nicotine, I started smoking at 18. It's been just a fucking struggle to get away from it.

And why is nicotine allowed? Because it doesn't inebriate the mind. It inebriates it within a vacuum where it makes you really want nicotine, but it doesn't make you punch people. Do you think we could look historically and be like, this is why nicotine is allowed? It's because it was the main crop? No.

It was the main... I mean, you can look at it, but tobacco didn't come around until the 1400s in South America. So no, it wasn't a part of Islamic history. I feel like it's the same with my girlfriend. She keeps kosher. It's not for the religious part, but the thought of putting bacon in her America. So no, it wasn't a part of Islamic history. I feel like it's the same with my girlfriend. She keeps kosher, it's not for the religious part, but the thought of putting bacon in her mouth is like at the text, all of it disgusts her.

Does she have turkey bacon? Yeah, she has turkey bacon. And I've gotten her to do oysters, and now she'll have an oyster. And it's still, I don't think she loves it, but she's like, but I think it's so great, I think it's so great to at least have tried it yeah you know i've tried being sober see but here's the thing if you don't have belief then

of course none of this makes sense that's that's people non-believers are always so confounded by the rules and regulations of somebody who believes but it's like i believe god told me not to eat pork why would i do it then you know what i mean like oh but don't you want to don't you want to try things no i believe god you know what i mean like it's it's cut and dry this makes me seem like a very unfunny person fuck it's okay no i'm thinking about people watching this like rare to talk to someone i'm a good comedian i'm a good stand up comedian you are a very good stand up comedian that's why we asked you on the podcast

I seem like a fucking conservative asshole I'm not but you're a great comedian and you're a cynical comedian which is why I find it hard to fathom because I'm like don't you poke your job

not your job but but comedians, we poke holes in ourselves, we poke holes in society, and how can you not turn this poker onto your faith and go, I mean, a million different things about faith. Why is there suffering in the world? Why, what about the people

who didn't get the word from Muhammad and so they've been eating bacon? That seems unfair. No, it's fine. That's fine. They go to heaven. Sure. People who didn't get the religion.

All of this is answered in Islam. I'm inviting both of you to convert, for the record. If you converted us. Everything in the religion is there. You can find an answer to all your questions. Why is there suffering? I can give you a million answers. Okay, give me a quick answer.

Why is there suffering? Because of the Jews. No. No. Why is he suffering because of the jews no no why is it why is there suffering because these are things that are uh part of uh the test of being alive and some people have harder harder tests some people have easier tests you can't actually measure you look at a billionaire that's not fair and for the record okay i hate billionaires so a child who gets cancer so a child gets cancer cancer, is a baby, baby born with cancer.

Why did they need to suffer? Why did they need to suffer? Why are they suffering? Well, here's the other thing is that only Allah knows for sure, only God knows for sure. But why could you come up with an understanding for why a baby would get cancer? This is a test on the parents. I know that sounds fucked up, but maybe that's what it is baby dies goes to heaven that's a lot better than living in the darkness of this life there you go oh yeah that's how you wrestle it should it should

go get the what is it called the the kofi the kofi go get the kofi um um what are you wearing you kind of got it oh it's a headband it's a headband not quite as long not quite a goofy um okay we don't have to get into the theology of it but you you you got divorced and i don't care are you is it cool getting to well let me ask this did you want did you want uh to marry another muslim after her no after after the first wife i didn't care about anything i only cared about stand-up. And I dated girls. I did a lot of stuff that was... So I didn't drink, but I did date. Can you look at your intensity of stand-up and go, oh, I'm an intense person, whether it be religion, whether it be stand-up?

Absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or nicotine or coffee for that matter. I go into things. So you fall in love with stand-up. Oh, yeah. And you were doing this at college Yeah, UF Were you talking about the divorce at this point? No, I never talked about it Because I couldn't find the right way to do it

And even now, I'm just now Beginning to talk about it in the one-man show That's a part of why I'm doing the solo show Is because I have a lot of things That are very funny But stand- up as an art form doesn't allow you to be that uh strange you know you you can be a strange character you can be someone who's you can be like daniel simonson who's just a fucking weirdo and that's

just what he breathes and it oozes out of him and then that's fine because he anything he puts in it comes out as a funny joke right yeah it's already weird yeah but if i'm just like a semi-regular guy on stage who's got bits about being married or bits about a car or whatever it gets weird if i start talking about personal stories that are that odd you know like i got married at 17 or if i did do it it would it would end up being very flattened on just doing it as doing it in a stand up set In between bits about Joe Biden You'd have to take out so many All the nuances

I have a bit about my dad's heart surgery It took about a year and a half It's now in a place where I do it at the cellar But I had to take out So many things that I thought were Interesting to explore because there just wasn't a twist worthy of a big pop. Right.

You need to be getting that laugh every 15, 45 seconds in that window. And if you're not doing that, then suddenly— I never got to—a big part for me, Tova came, and this was her first time meeting my dad. And when we got in there my dad he needed to film an updated version of his will and testament with me standing next to him next to his girlfriend who's younger than me and my sister on speakerphone and my girlfriend is holding the iphone she just met my dad and he's in the rope and it was like it was just it was something so complicated about

that i have trouble on stage i make stepfather, my dad all the time. Because like for me to break it down, it's a nightmare. You have to, yeah. Everything has to be simplified in standup. Because audiences have a short attention span and they're expecting jokes. So. I see the problem with the one man show thing. I've seen enough one people show where I go, no, this could have been funnier.

No, this could have been tighter and still meaningful. Or the reason I've never done one is I'm like, I don't think I have a message that I think needs to be a one man show right now. And a lot of times one man shows it becomes because because they're so personal yeah the uh the moral undertone of it it's it's about them being correct i love stand-up because part of it's like here's the fucked up thought right that maybe i do think but like we're we're in a comedy space in a one-man show sometimes you're like well of course you think this yeah we all agree we all agree what's the moral be nice what's the moral men need to take more accountability. Oh, yeah. I don't need to pay tickets to see it.

But that's why I like, that's why I'm excited about mine is because everyone coming to the show, with the exception of Pockets of Muslims who are fans or whatever, everyone else disagrees with me on just a core level. Like they do not believe that Muhammad is the last messenger of God, you know? Like they do not believe that Muhammad is the last messenger of God, you know, so it is like Even if at the end of it they like like whatever I said or agree with However, I said it they're like, yeah, but we're very different people, you know There's like an immediate Disconnection which is something I've always struggled with as a practicing Muslim yeah and comedian, you know, do you get opportunities to perform for majority muslim crowds here and there i i there was a few years there where i did a bunch of them kind of randomly like is it fun does it feel like or is it just it depends you know some it's like

everywhere where sometimes you look in the crowd and you go oh there's a bunch of old old people and then it's a nightmare and then sometimes it's young muslims and you go okay i can get away with a little bit more it's the same thing as sometimes it's young Muslims in you okay and get away with a little bit more Yeah, same thing as any corporate they all feel like corporate gigs That's a thing every Muslim event feels like you're doing a corporate gig and it's because they're usually Paid for by some corporation sure some like Muslim fundraising Organization whatever. Yeah, they're not the most fun, but they can be I have done some where I went that was great Like I really got to say some wacky things that a non-Muslim crowd wouldn't have understood.

Is the circuit the same way like Elon Gold or Modi does like a big Jewish circuit? Like, is that pathway paved at all? Yeah, I think there's some of that paved already, but it's not quite where it is for, I think, Jewish comedians. Yeah. Or black comedians, for sure. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I really do want to talk. I really do want to have, like, a black comic on who's, like, really done. Like, I did. I think it's called Chuckles, maybe. It was, like, in Tennessee. And it was like, oh, this is part of the circuit that, you know, I know a lot of comedians like we're doing similar clubs. We've probably crossed over a lot of clubs. But like this is like a circuit that I was there very randomly.

And it's a whole different world. Completely different world. And there are black comedians that are the most famous person in black world. You know, that you're like, oh, fuck, I've never heard of that guy. It's like it's kind of cool and also kind of sad because they all want to be mainstream. You see the top 10 lists at the end of the year and you're like, these are

all white spaces. Even if it's not a white comic, it's like, to not have Earthquake in these lists is like, and especially because they're always the really progressive type comedy critics and whatnot. And you're like, you're not actually going to black spaces or anything that's not a...

Also, I feel like Hollywood has gotten so much worse about that over the last five years. They've gotten to this place where they put out the list every year. And I'm like, no one knows who that is outside of LA. Sure. No one cares about that comic outside of Bushwick. Yeah. And it's just 10 of them in a row. You're like, that guy?

Yeah. Really? I feel that way about it, except for the one list that I was on. Yes. That one I felt was a true reflection. That was a good list. I haven't made most of those lists.

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So you're obsessed with stand-up. Is it Is it Is it strange I mean stand-up is such a Like Subversive Who did you love

Did you Like I remember As a young I had no religion growing up But I do remember Listening to late George Carlin And like it It was the time where

This kind of thing could shake me It was like There never was a God There's no god there never will be a god when you die there's nothing and it's just like this

yeah good impression and it's it was like oh oh my heart yeah you took it all why would it affect you

if you didn't already have religion oh because I I believed in something oh no different than I do now something

something and this was like someone who was like smart. And it was just very harsh. It was his later years. I don't love later Carlin. Or early Carlin. One of the things I hated in the documentary, this drives me nuts when you have like an atheist,

where like sometimes they talk about, they're saying, but he also like believed he loved trees. So in a way he did believe in god and you're like how dare you yeah how dare you he would fucking hate that shit yeah people do it yeah they do it i just did i did uh pete holmes podcast and he'll he'll do it sometimes where someone like professes a real lack of belief and he's like so in a way you do believe in the god of there's no god and you're like okay okay no yeah um but you was it weird at all were you talking about being muslim on stage yeah yeah i talked about being muslim but but was there a lot in florida where

the college you went to like was it no it's okay it Yeah, it was me and a bunch of just drunk white people. I feel like you, more than the average comic, just being a practicing Muslim comic, have been in so many spaces where you know that when you say you're Muslim, a huge swath of the audience goes, okay. Right. Oh, for sure.

And like, it probably makes you a great, I think that kind of stuff can make you a great comic. Totally. Or it can be exhausting. For sure. Well, it's probably makes you a great, I think that kind of stuff can make you a great comic or it can be exhausting. For sure. Well, it's only gotten exhausting more recently. I've felt it kind of. Why? I don't know.

I'm just about to be 30 and I'm like, I can't believe I'm still having to explain very basic or like I'm having to, you know, dumb down jokes excessively to get to a place, you know? Yeah. I don't know. But early on, to your point, place you know yeah i don't know but early on to your point i had like i couldn't say muslim i had i had to say muslim because crowds in north florida would be like just flabbergasted at what i was talking about if i said it right like they truly wouldn't know what i was talking about for maybe 45 seconds like i'm a muslim so that means i don't drink. And then a friend of mine had to tell me,

like, hey man, you have to say Muslim. Like, we don't know what you're saying. It sounds too weird. I've never heard that pronunciation. I've never heard, is that just the Florida accent? You've never heard Muslim before? No. Where are you guys from? Upstate New York.

Maryland. Yeah, okay. There you go. You're not Southerners. That's just, that's how they say it. Yeah, Muslim. Muslim with a Z. Yeah, Muslim. M-A. You're not Southerners. That's how they say it. Moslem. Yeah, Moslem. Moslem with a Z.

Yeah, Moslem. M-A-W-Z. Moslem. Wow. So you get really into stand-up. Do you move straight to New York? No, I went to Atlanta. Atlanta, Georgia.

Yeah. Laughing Skull? Great. Yeah, Laughing Skull. That's my club. You know Katie Hughes? Yeah, I love Katie. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She's opening for me this week she's great yeah we work together a lot she's really funny she's atlanta always has like a diaspora where like you know seven good comics move in one year and then it's like oh this scene's dead but she's she's one of those people that's like still there and it's still fucking killing she's so funny i'm trying to she's moving to LA. Oh, is she? Yeah. There you go. Her, Catherine Blanford,

I think they're both moving to LA. Yeah, there it is. It happens every few years. Atlanta's got a great scene, though. Yeah. That's why I moved. I moved, I graduated college and then I didn't know what to do and a friend of mine, Jake Head,

really funny guy, told me to move to Atlanta. I was there for two years and then I moved to LA for one and then I moved to New York. Have you been to Atlanta? Yeah. Oh, cool. I'm still trying to get for one. And then I moved to New York. Have you been to Atlanta? Yeah. Oh, cool.

I'm still trying to get a gig there. It's not an easy headlining. Right now, it's not. Yeah, I'm figuring it out. I mean, yeah, The Laughing Skull. It's so annoying that they don't book headliners. Because they used to book really, they used to book like Bamford and Mark Mayer.

And they were like an alt club. And I think it just became more economically viable to just do showcase shows so that's all they do but that would be a great room for you to headline it's really fun it's like 70 people do like five shows yeah

I was going to ask when you met your second wife because I wanted to get into the current situation we met like seven years ago at a Steve-O show. I was opening for Steve-O at the Atlanta Improv. She was in the audience

and saw me and just fell in love. She was there for Steve-O? Yeah. Is he a good comic? No. Horrible. He's a good guy. But like fun stories? Charisma? Yeah, it's all charisma and stories from Jackass. Are we talking about Steve-O from Jackass? Yeah, yeah.

Tasering his balls. How many Steve-Os do you think there are? Listen, I just didn't know he did stand-up. Steve dashes. I didn't know that he did stand-up. Were you randomly assigned that gig? Yes, totally. Totally random.

And you had a joke. I said it on this podcast uh and i pretended it was my own uh no but about about meeting your wife like you met her after a show yeah and what does she say to you sometimes she says after a show she's like uh were there any like skanks oh she'll tell me before i leave for a show she's like don't talk to any dumb skanks after you're set and i'm like well that's how we met so it's a little bit hypocritical but um that's a joke i don't think she's ever seen me do but really yeah do you have tova and i she lets me get away with a lot yeah yeah but there's a couple things there's a couple

things that are no-nos and that was new for me. I was very much, because I've been fortunate enough to have a family that has never given me any kind of pushback. Yeah. None. So lucky. Shockingly. So lucky.

And to have it, there's an immediate, like, I'm an artist. I know. I get to say the way your titties flop when you're lying down. Oh, my God.

I'm just saying, that's not what I say, but I'm saying like, like there's a feeling of like, I experienced it. So I get to say it. How dare you step up? And it's,

it's usually for the worst fucking joke in the entire world. But there's a, there's a, there's new, there's definitely new stuff. There's in my mind, I don't have like a fully finished chunk, but I'm like,

if Tova left me oh man three years after that there would be a couple bits that i would never dare to think of doing now that would be anonymous and it would be i would i would never do like i would never i'm gonna take the tova's gonna listen to this and freak the fuck out i would i would never i would it's not my goal to be like i'm gonna like make sure people know this shit. Yeah. But it's more like emotional. It's more like there are some emotional truths. Yes. That are so, I always thought it would be like,

I'd say something you wouldn't want me to say about you or, but it's like, no, it's the emotion. Right. Whether it's something from you or from me that like it would, it would hurt. Yeah.

To have it be set in a way where everyone laughs at it. You're logging things right now. Yeah. You're just kind of storing them. that that's dangerous for the relationship but i don't even put them into my word document i i've gotten better being like let the thought pass after the divorce you will remember you'll always remember the good bits they'll come back in your mind if they were good enough they will reemerge i don't i don't believe do you believe that uh because i think i i look back at my old stuff sometimes and I go, I can't believe I forgot that bit. And I'll bring it back. For sure.

All the time that happens. Sure. But sometimes, I mean, I get very anxious. When I get a stone, my mind goes wild with ideas. I remember once I was getting like a massage and I took an edible before. And I had to fight everything within me to ask for a pen in the middle of this massage. Because I don't have a great short term memory. So I was like trying to like,

there's a, there's a book called moonwalking with Einstein about how to remember things. So I was like creating memory castles in my head of like, put this bit here, put this bit there. Oh my God. Forget it all. Worst massage of your life.

Uh, uh, yes. And, but I think, I think a lot of them do come back. Maybe you won't remember. Maybe.

But I think if, but of course I looked through my materials and I was like, Oh my God you won't remember. Yeah, maybe. But I think if, but of course, I look through my materials and I was like, oh my God, that's amazing. Yeah, yeah. So you met her after a show.

Was it after the show? No, no, no. She DM'd me after the show on Facebook. She Facebook messaged me. I mean, I saw your set. You were brilliant.

I love your comedy. I'd love to see you some other time. And I was dating somebody at the time. So I was just very professional with her and I was like, thank you. You can. And I was dating somebody at the time. So I was just very professional with her. And I was like, thank you.

You can see me at Starbar on Monday nights. And also from my childhood, I have this like inclination of just thinking that no girl likes me ever. I never think a girl's into me. So I didn't think anything of it, but I friended her back. And then I just like-

You friended her back? She friended. So I guess, how does it work? They friend request to you and I accepted and and then i just like you friended her back she friended so i guess how does it work they friend request and i accepted and then i just like looked at her face did you have any nervousness of of your girlfriend being like no my girlfriend at the time was very not into monogamy so she she eventually cheated on me but she was wouldn't have been jealous at all so i followed the girl back i like the idea that someone who cheats they weren't into monogamy as opposed to they cheated that's what she told me up front she's like i don't really like monogamy and i was like okay this is gonna turn out well probably yeah yeah yeah in your

head did you go like i'll change you i did of course of course of course it was like she'll be monogamous for me i'm right i'm pretty i'm right i'm worth a whole just change of your entire innards but um yeah so this girl you know i friended her and i she was really beautiful and i just like looked at her pictures all the time and yeah that's what i would do i would hang out with my girlfriend and then i would go in the bathroom just like look at this girl and then what's masturbation what's what's the rules? There's different schools of thought on it. Which school did you subscribe to? Oh, I subscribed to the quite lenient one. Yeah, there's some school.

Most say you can't do it. And then one is like, if you feel like you're going to have sex with someone, just jack off instead. And so I was like all right i'll do that i love that yeah it's pretty good yeah so uh years went by and then this girl we had just kept sort of in touch very vaguely you know i'd like respond to a story on instagram here i'd like a picture or whatever and then eventually i dm'd her or she dm'd me and was like, if you ever want to go out, I'm free. I'd like to go out with you. After your breakup.

This was years later. Years later? This was three years later. Was she coming to shows occasionally? No, no, no. I had moved. I lived in New York at this time. Wow.

I had moved out of Atlanta. That's a long time to stay in touch with someone. We were just kind of pining for each other. It was really cute. And she messaged me and then I messaged her back and I flew to Atlanta and went on a date with her. Wow. Yeah. Stay in touch with someone. We were just kind of pining for each other. It was really cute. And she messaged me and then I messaged her back and I flew to Atlanta and went on a date with her. Wow. Yeah.

Romantic. Wow. A little romantic over here. Now at this point, were you having sex? Oh, yeah. Yeah. All the time. But I'm saying without.

So that first date, did you fly? Did you have sex that first date? No. Not that first night. No, no, no. No. We hung out. How long did you stay in Atlanta?

Did you fly back the next day? I flew back three days i did a weekend i did the skull i did all the shows sure i brought her around she was like oh my god cool you know the first time and then you got married four months later and then two months later she was like i'm gonna move to new york and i was like uh okay and then she moved to new york was it just for you just for me two months later yeah and what's the you guys after you go to atlanta you guys are communicating back and forth a lot now yeah oh yeah now we're like dating did you see her in those two months before she yeah yeah she we would we would see each other we would do the long distance okay and then she moved and then

two months after that we went to the courthouse and and got married wow and then two months later covet so wow so why why did you crazy why get married so fast um well as we've established i i kind of have problems with impulses and i go a little overboard sure things so it seems like she was on board too she was really into it really like yeah by the way it's a whirlwind you talk about impulses with a great degree of like uh self-awareness and sobriety like if you were like if if if uh ian ian finance was here who's been on the podcast many times and he was like i struggle the impulses i'd be like i can tell buddy like you got you got that dog in you but you're like from time time, I am overtaken with an impulse.

And I'm like, why don't you just talk to yourself like you're talking to me right now and go, take a breath. Listen, I think anyone can do it. Flying to a flying anywhere for a first date. Yeah, that's that's he's got a first date sight unseen. I could see flying if you were really attracted to someone and you knew there was chemistry and you had shows. And you had shows.

And of course I had that as my backup plan. Because even going to Atlanta, there was a part of me in the back of my head that was like, what if she's secretly very unattractive to me? Like what if I see her for the first time in person and I'm like, oh, there's like one of her eyes is weird.

Sure. Could be anything. Smell, laugh. Smell, exactly. There's things that you just cannot. I went on a date with a girl once and I remember like, oh, there's like, one of her eyes is weird. Sure. I had that. It could be anything. Smell, laugh. Smell, exactly. There's things that you just cannot. I went on a date with a girl once and I remember we were at dinner

and she like, she was like talking about celebrating. She was like, you know, and I was like, and then I found I got a raise at work and the way she did that, I immediately was like,

how do I get out of here? Yeah. And it's not fair to her. It was just whatever it was, everything about it said to me, we are not a match. Was she hot otherwise? I was attracted to her.

Yeah. Enough. But I think you're in a different ballpark. You have a little bit more leverage, I think, because you're a tall man and you're attractive. You're a tall, attractive man.

I'm not being totally serious. I was an awkward looking, gangly kid. I do not being totally serious. I was an awkward looking gangly kid. I do not consider myself... Go and say it. I think you and I completely equal playing field when it comes to in the marketplace. Absolutely. Absolutely.

Okay, now do me. Our friend Chris Yeah I see him as above Even though he's short I see him as He's not that short But our friend Chris He's the kind of guy

Where I'm like He goes to the bar And he would leave And the most gorgeous woman Would leave with him If I have anything going for me, I counter it with my whole personality. That's outrageous.

It's not. That's outrageous. It's not. You know who hits on tall guys? The tallest women you've ever seen in your entire goddamn life. That's who hits on me. I should be a recruiter for the WNBA.

That's who hits on me. And they're beautiful. Yeah, I'm not a legs guy. I know some men are legs. My dad is the legs guy. He goes, she's got legs for days. I'm a butt guy. Oh, really?

I'm a butt guy. If I see a butt, I go. Dude, let's have a... Yeah, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Me too. Me too. Yeah, what are you?

I like butts. Yeah. Yeah, butts. Butts. Is that a... There are the things that... Because I feel like it's too obvious to be tits guy. I mean, you know.

Who doesn't? But like... Yeah. It feels... If that feels dirtier to notice, it feels more like lecher sure to be like you know like but like but right that'll catch your eye you know for sure and also any kind of tit not any but most kind of tits are good they're good they're all good yeah they're all good as long as they're there i'm into it yeah you're so true but without the butt yeah you need the butt you need the butt you need

a nice big butt yeah you need a tight you need something happening what were muhammad's thoughts on the butt on the butt i don't i actually don't think he had well you know anals off the table really oh absolutely that specifically says it it doesn't say anal but yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah there's no uh fucking of the erectile downside so you you get you get married covid happens yeah and and then my dad died and then your dad died yeah covid related or no no he had kidney failure but so marriage two months later covid a week later dad died and then your dad died yeah code related or no no he had kidney failure but so marriage two months later covid a week later dad died and then and then lost job too i was writing for patriotic for the samanaj and it ended canceled so yeah pretty rough pretty rough two years okay

so so married you said two weeks later covid two months yeah two months later one one week later your dad died yeah and forgive me you did you you feel it was coming you knew things were bad yeah we knew he was sick for like two years but he also he was just kind of up and down were you close very not very but but yeah i loved him a lot yeah yeah and and you're stuck and were you able to see him? No. I had probably seen him maybe seven months earlier. Whoa. So were you? Oh, no, actually it was sooner than that. I saw him in November, December, January, February, March.

Yeah. Four months earlier. And then you hear he's ill. Did you think like, I can't visit him, no one's allowed to do anything right now? Oh, no, he died suddenly. He died suddenly. So he'd been sick for two years and then he died. He had like a heart attack and died.

I see. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And did you have any kind of service or were you waiting post-COVID to do stuff? No, we, Islamically, similar in Judaism, you have to do it immediately. You have to do it within three days. So I flew down in the middle. The flight was $8 to go to Florida, to go to Orlando. It was an $8 flight.

$8? It was amazing. Yeah. It was really cool. Was this at a time? This was, what is this? March, like, 15th. Oh, my God.

20th or, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, or, yeah, 20th. Yeah, because it was like 11th or 13th that New York kind of shut down. Were you scared of COVID at this? This was back when COVID. This was when it was like youth or 13th that New York kind of shut down. Were you scared of COVID at this? This was back when COVID. This was when it was like you wear a mask outside in the park. Yeah, you don't know how it works. When there's no one near you.

You're wearing gloves. Yes, exactly. We posted pictures of us in a park smiling. And then my wife's caption was like, we had masks in our back pocket. You were scared of public yeah you know yeah people getting angry at you for being outside so uh i wasn't scared in that moment though because i was just you know you don't think about that you're like i just need to get down and take care of my mom and so um how long did you go down for not long like like maybe less than a week

like six days yeah and your wife went with you yeah she came yep um that's a lot that's tough yeah it was tough i remember tova i lost a grandparent early on in our relationship and you know that's it's it's a it's a new level of a relationship it's a you have to engage your partner on it yeah i'm i'm glad it happened to me and not my wife losing her dad because i don't know if i would have been as good as she was she was so good with that you'd be writing jokes yeah i'd be doing bits i wrote i wrote a joke about when tova's uh grandma who ended up dying but when she first had a stroke i was like i'm really worried it's gonna bring my girlfriend and i closer together and i like built

this chunk around and there was there's a part of me Tova's again that to my earlier point that's not what upsets Tova yeah yeah but it's like but there was a part of me I was like it was one of those with some audiences were like Jesus dude take this seriously for two seconds I know um so then talking about death is so hard. Brutal. And it feels ridiculous that it's so hard. It happens to everyone. It happens all the time. And it's every, I mean,

it's just, I think it's a reflection of how happy or how well off our society is kind of. I just think it's more how we don't, we avoid, we avoid having to think about it. We can't avoid it. We can't avoid it. I feel like the rest of the world kind of doesn't have that opportunity.

Yeah. I always say that, um, uh, I love new Orleans, but a part of reason I love new Orleans is it's so much more present. The feel of the death of like the celebration, the kind of like public thing of it, having those,

those parades and things. It just feels like it's more a part of the society where it's a normal thing. Cause you're like, cause it, but then you're, you've always struck me as someone who has a healthy relationship with death no but i i would like to have a healthier relationship of course it feels so daunting and scary and serious and like you know uh we go and

we we're black and we're you know sit quietly you know what might bring me some comfort about death what the prophet muhammad What? The Prophet Muhammad. Okay. No, it made me think. I was watching the other day, Dragon Ball Z. It was about how they censored it when it came to America. And it was a very funny detail. No one was allowed to die. Oh, destroyed.

Destroyed. I destroyed you. And there was some scene where Vegeta blows up an airplane, and they added somewhat a voiceover going, oh, he has a parachute. Looks like he'll be okay. And I think about how that kind of thinking, obviously,

part of it is the comfort of this first world country, but also I think it's just like, that's the MO, just don't talk about it. And it's really not good. Not good. Because I've tried to do dead, dead bits and they never work or they they'll get like that five out of ten where you go this will never get to the ten at the best room

yeah it's like god damn i've done it um so you go back you you have a funeral yeah you go back with this marriage not to be flipping about, but when did it get rough? I was surprised when you said you were back together because I saw you, what, last Friday? Yeah, yeah. At Sesh Comedy Club? We've been together. We got back together a month ago. Yeah.

And you're just... I'm still doing the divorce for just two. I'm still doing them, man. It's hard if you got a good bit. I know. I got a few good ones. And you're like, I can only use it for how long? But here,

I've actually changed it. It feels weird after a while. Like, I used to have all these single bits and then dating Tova, I would do them and do them and then one day you're like, it feels weird.

It feels, at a certain point, you're like, I've changed it. I've changed it where now I don't say I'm divorced now, which was always a lie.

We hadn't, we haven't done the official divorce yet so now i say two months ago uh three months ago me and my wife got separated and that has the exact same effect where everyone's like oh my god but then when i'm ready to start talking about we go back together it's still the door is open where it's like and then we got back together and now sure it's about her yeah um i feel like if you see a stand-up comedian you you get to find out how they were doing five years ago yeah exactly yeah um yeah so when did it get like it got bad uh that well that year 2020 was fucking horrible and yeah we sort of just kind of got i got distant

because i was like what am i doing i'm depressed i'm not doing stand-up we didn't know it would come back yeah i was like it's done i was-up we didn't know it would come back yeah i was like it's done i was like it's firmly done i mean losing your dad yeah job and it feeling like the end of the world i imagine oh it wrecked it it wrecked us and also she had just moved to new york and hates new york she now loves it but she hated it when she moved and knew that she hated it. And then COVID was like the worst time to be in New York. The worst. Just awful. Seeing my friends in LA just going outside.

Well, actually, I feel like LA had a weird time too. They really shut down. They really shut down. But like there was a time where it was like you're in a pool. Right. Oh, that's true. Yeah. And it's sunny.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, we just kind of grew apart for like a couple of years there. And I didn't even really notice that we were just like cohabitating. We were like roommates just getting through every day. Like the best part of our day was like sitting down and watching The Bachelor when it would come out and then going about our separate lives. I can't imagine.

Tove and I, when my dad had his heart surgery, he had a quintuple bypass. I went down i got covid the next day we were staying at my stepfather's house for 10 days yeah and i had a painful case of covid and i was miserable it was like a it was a very low point in our relationship and that was 10 days so i cannot yeah imagine yeah it was bad and then what what was the thing of like what was the hey i think we should separate yeah yeah i i she kind of brought it up because i had sort of floated the idea a year prior of like i don't know if this is right for us and then it was of course very heavy and we almost separated and then we got back together that was like one day

and then we talked about it more um and then a year went by and she was like i can just tell that you're like still on the rocks about this whole thing and she sort of initiated the second go about and then i was like yeah you're right i am and then we separated and we that was the recent time and um yeah i went to paris by myself at right after because i bought tickets to go with her oh um and i was just in paris by myself for like a week and i just was like what am i what am i doing what am i doing here man like were you were you walking around and you can't drink so you don't get that smoking so many cigarettes yeah which i hadn't i had quit for like two years and then I got got to Paris

We doing like long walks is like what am I? Yeah. Yes. I had to go to France to do this Yeah, I could have done this in Central Park. Really? Yes, no, no mean to you. Yeah smoking in Central Park. Uh-huh in Paris. They're all smokers Yeah, I felt alive and I also felt so low and i just were you listening to music oh yeah what were you listening to big thief angel olsen just sad girl music yeah yeah um phoebe bridgers oh yeah oh yeah and uh i just came to the realization that like what am i okay if we get divorced then i'm immediately going gonna be back on the hunt looking for a girl and the girl I want It needs to be somewhat religious

But like I don't want a super devout Muslim girl either because I feel like that's gonna be conflicted with everything You've been saying for the last two hours and I just I'm like I want somebody who's very American because I'm pretty American, pretty, pretty, you know, mainstream guy in a lot of ways. And also being a comedian makes you very American because you gotta be able to talk to audiences. Yeah. And I just like made a list of like what I want. I was like, this is my wife that I have back in New York.

And I was like, I needed, what am I doing? So then I, I. Did you write down this list? Did I write it down? I did. Yeah. It's not on my phone now. Yeah. Did you want me to read it to you? No, no, I. Did you write down this list? Did I write it down? I did. Yeah. It's not on my phone now. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Did you want me to read it to you? No, no, no. It just, it sounds like a very movie like. Yeah. Yeah. And her name is. I like all those descriptions at the end. It says, but.

Folded. Yep. Okay. Okay. So you're. So things are. Have you ever gotten a couple's counseling? Yeah.

Oh, I'm a big, big advocate. Yeah, you are. gone to couples counseling? Yeah. I'm a big advocate. Yeah, you are. Me too. We went like a year ago for that first, when we were first having problems. And we loved the therapist so much that my wife was like, can I just have her? So now she just has that therapist. And now we're not doing couples therapy anymore because she kind of took her. But I have my own guy now.

That's so funny. I have a joke. The opposite where I say couples counseling. First, I wanted to use my therapist because he already knows what's wrong with her. Right. But the opposite. Do you talk about it on stage? About what?

Just the idea of your girlfriend taking the couples counselor. Because in a way, then she gets to go and gets to experience a couples counselor just being on her side. Because that's what a therapist, ultimately, they're your advocate. Absolutely. And that's the thing that's nice about couples counseling is to go to someone who truly is not taking sides. Yes. I mean, it's worth its weight. Dude.

And gold. And that's what they charge us. Do. If any guys listen to this, do you think any guys listen to this or is it all just girls who think you're hot? I think a lot of gay guys who think I'm hot too. They're going to love this episode. I'm sure they got all the way to this part. Oh man, I'm going to get some fucking hate for this.

Yeah, I think being a guy in couples counseling is great because you go in and there's this expectation that you're going to be a piece of shit who doesn't care. But then all you have to do is just be somewhat reasonable and you come across as like, I'm a fucking genius at being in this relationship. I think, I mean, again, I fear that this will be, is a misogynistic comment. I fear that this will be is a misogynistic comment but I feel like especially with like

with women sometimes crying becomes the the crying starts and then the the crying and the dealing with the crying becomes the dominant issue

and nothing else gets talked about and in couples counseling it's like the couples counselor is going to be like oh no no it's okay it's okay

it's okay like the couples and it's and so and I'm sure there's other ways where I get heated. You know, there's the male equivalent of getting yelly that the couples counselor neutralizes. Getting hitty, yeah. That's why it just feels so... I want to go to couples counseling for a friendship.

I think there needs to be a friendship counselor. That's the future. That could be a Patreon episode. I'll do it. I don't care. Is this a Patreon episode i'll do it i don't care um is this a patreon episode no fuck you gotta love it when people come with the podcast they're like no one's gonna hear this right yeah but that's ultimately the goal yeah um all right let's go on to our uh next segment real quick this has got to stop this has got to stop do you have

something that needs to stop yeah we know okay i love the service industry i've worked in restaurants but when a waiter brings the check stand there for five seconds oh you know i like i can pull my debit card out really fast and that that drives me crazy they come they put the book down then they're a ghost they're gone and it's like i was right about to give it to you. And I have to wait 15 minutes for you to fucking do a whole thing. Do all your shit with my card in your little thing. Like, why you got to leave it there, man? It takes me a second to pull it out.

At the seller, to get the check, I offer the card. I've gotten better. Now I just have it in my fucking hands. Yes, you pull it out. But sometimes it's still, they throw it and keep going. And you're like, no, I was ready. I think it's my frustration. I've gotten better. Now I just have it in my fucking hands. Yes, you pull it out. But sometimes it's still, they throw it and keep going and you're like, no, I was ready.

I was waiting. I'm ready. So by the time they give the check, you've already been ready for 15 minutes. Yes, exactly. I can't. This is my least favorite thing. Delaying an experience 30 to 35 minutes

when you are like so ready to go. I'm done. I gotta get out of here. You know what I mean? And you do that pathetic thing where you put the booklet up and you put the credit card in there. Yes, you are like so ready to go. I'm done. I gotta get out of here. You know what I mean? You do that pathetic thing where you put the booklet up and you put the credit card in there like a little

like a little You put a little candle underneath it to really highlight that like smoke signals. It's ready. It's ready. That's a very good one.

I hate that. Yeah. Just take it. That's a good one. Just take it. Just take the card. It'd be funny if all of us

discussed some things about the service industry and they need to fix it up. All right, our final segment. You better count your blessing. You better count your blessing. We've been plenty negative here. Let's say one thing that we are thankful for.

Russell, do you have one? I got to pull up the name really quick fuck fuck fuck okay so i was in bethlehem bethlehem pennsylvania yeah steel stacks great show um and uh the the booker took us to a restaurant called bolete and like top 10 meal of my entire life right out the gate uh a farm to table uh like a simple menu you ordered two mains um and it also like what he did he's vegan you can say to them make me a vegan dish uh with beets and they will do and they call it a dealer's choice and the chef is so good that they that they they would make you you could say beets and uh red meat and they make you a dish inspired by beets and red meat and an incredible concoction one of the best meals i've ever had in my life and it felt like did you see the menu weird but it was like it was the closest i've ever gone to that the servers were cool they weren't they didn't try to kill us yeah but like it was just it felt so fresh the meals were complex

uh and and especially when you're on the road i like to do one thing that feels like oh i could have only done this in this place yeah and this meal like it satisfied it wow in every way possible and i i want to go it's not far from here. I was like, I want to do a live podcast here so that I can go to this meal with my friend, Nicole, and Nicole can bring you. And it was so, so good. You know, I'll stick with the food. I had one of the most incredible meals of my life

in the last two weeks in New Orleans at a place called St. Germain. Incredible 10-course kind of thing and it was the experience like four courses at the bar they're taking care of you they're blah blah and you move locations locations and also and and what was great too is like it's a small place there's probably like 15 20 people eating while you're there um and um emerald comes in you know because he's from new orleans he'd come in and there was no sort of the chef didn't any didn't feel like there's any sort of like weird pressure he was giving our table so much attention and so personable and and nicole literally cried at one of the dishes it was that good it really was so good no show me what kind

of crying are we talking about like does she cry just like no no not like not like an audible cry but like like a tear in the eye kind of you know as she ate so it was like oh really like like like it was that good it was like this bison tartar thing with a bernice that's so good amazing uh but it was an amazing experience meal the only thing that sucked was um my table got shushed by like an old lady at one point and that like i saw red i was like i really had to like yeah like that i was like you're i hate was she shushing you or nicole uh no it was my friend adam laughed it was like it was like it was laughter it was joy it's like that thing of like and it was like it was a friday night dinner at 8 30 p you know i mean it wasn't

like we were yeah and it was like they're playing music it's not quiet place like it was not like it just was like they had just sat down and they weren't in like 30 minutes later i could see she had a drink she'd calm down she was trying to show us that she wasn't A bitch but she was do you know what I mean like She was taking pictures with like She was like offered the two lesbians Sitting next to her she's like I'll take your photo and I was like No no you're not gonna prove that you're Some sort of nice person you're a

Fucking bitch she's like how do I make this up oh there's two lesbians Over there I'll offer to take a picture of them But it was that cause I could tell I was talking Loudly too I was like I was so Mad when she shushed I was like what the fuck Like I was that that is a Thing i was talking loudly too i was like i was so mad when she shushed i was like what the fuck like i was that that is a thing for me if being told to like shush is rough a shush is it's so do it what kind of do it she did this this is what she did exactly ready someone laughed she goes she goes like that like insane oh i would have a problem with that so insane it was like oh and i was like

i was like i'm gonna say something on the way out and then i was like no just let her be this way i mean there's no what were you gonna say on the way out no way i would have i wouldn't have been crazy and called her the c words i would have been like i probably would have been like i would try to be honest like hey your shushing was very rude and it really dampened a one of the best meals i've ever had in my life it really was a very rude kind of aggressive thing that yeah that kind of spoiled our evening okay i'm gonna be hers start your speech yeah hey fuck you just flip her table um anyways uh so i didn't mean to get into that But the meal was

Good Wow Do you have a blessing to share? Yeah There's this place We're talking about restaurants There's this place on Atlantic Called Hudremote

That's a Yemeni restaurant That is amazing And it's open 24-7 You can go in at 4 in the morning And there's a little boy in pajamas As a waiter And it's all a family run affair and it's just the best food had remote i will go there go there it's really good it's really good

um your thing oh that's okay uh uh let me let me scoot in next to you uh all right so this episode is coming out uh february 21st oh perfect uh Is there anything you'd like to plug? Ismail. Yeah, my Instagram is smilecomic, I-S-M-A-E-L, comic. You can DM all the hatred there. And then I'm going to be in Milwaukee at the Laughing Tap on March 10th and 11th.

And I'm also going to be in Sunnyvale, California, March 30th through April 2nd at rooster t feathers headlining those clubs amazing i will be uh springfield massachusetts february 25th and 26 at roar oh sorry february 24th and 25th at roar comedy club and then big one uh march 2nd through 4th i'll be at mic drop san diego i think it's like five shows and then after that baby i'm going to aruba rays i'll be in aruba nice and then finally uh connecticut hartford connecticut march 11th at city steam and just a reminder join the patreon patreon.com slash downside i'm pretty sure by now we will have our fifth live episode up there with alia janine about the downsides of working in the

adult entertainment industry You get old bonus episodes our amp live Amazon episodes all our live episodes We're about to announce a new guest for our February live show links to everything down below But join the patreon even if you don't want to listen to that extra shit It's a good way to support this podcast patreon.com slash downside russell plugs uh come see titanic the musical off broadway at the gerald roth theater eight times a week and dm me if you're coming let me know you're a downside fan what what about the code right well yeah dm me if you're gonna come and i'll i'll give you a little friends and family discount code yeah but they're

going to dm you saying hey i bought tickets you're going to give them the code after no no okay so so dm me if you want to come see titanic the musical and i will give you the promo code um all right uh uh uh so i was going to wrap it up i had an idea of the way to wrap it up um guys just do it in the ass. This is The Downside. Yeah, have fun. You're listening to The Downside with Gianmarco Ceresi.