The Downside with Gianmarco Soresi - #127 The Better Mom with Judy Gold

Episode Date: March 7, 2023

Comedian Judy Gold joins to discuss getting kicked out of her son’s basketball game, her new technique for dealing with feeling angry, getting free pot while working a tollbooth, educating your kids about drugs when you’ve done a lot of drugs, and having a grandma born in the 1800’s.  You can watch full video of this episode HERE! Join the Patreon for ad-free episodes, exclusive content, and MORE. Follow Judy Gold on Instagram, Twitter, & TikTok Get tickets to Judy's show, Yes I Can Say That, at 59E59 in NYC from March 4-April 16, 2023 Listen to Judy's podcast, Kill Me Now, here For all the latest, visit https://linktr.ee/Jewdygold Follow Gianmarco Soresi on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, & YouTube Subscribe to Gianmarco Soresi's email & texting lists Check out Gianmarco Soresi's bi-monthly show in NYC Get tickets to see Gianmarco Soresi in a city near you Watch Gianmarco Soresi's special "Shelf Life" on Amazon Follow Russell Daniels on Twitter & Instagram See Russell in Titanique in NYC! E-mail the show at [e-mail] Produced by Paige Asachika & Gianmarco Soresi Video edited by Dave Columbo Special Thanks Tovah Silbermann Part of the Authentic Podcast Network Original music by Douglas Goodhart Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

One, two, three. Downside. You're listening to The Downside. The Downside. With Gianmarco Cerezi. Selfishly, I'm glad that you're a little late because I'm often the one that's late because I just I'm glad someone else from the west side of things is showing it's hard to get here. It's ridiculous. someone else from the west side of things is showing it's hard to get here it's a ridiculous because i i have a rule for myself i will never leave more than an hour and 15 minutes ahead of

time because that's the otherwise that's a crazy thing it's like living in new jersey i do an hour and 15 every time and sometimes i'm still late i'm just i'm i was very late you live you live very you live very far north and the thing, you have good house parties, as you should. Yeah. Because to get to your place. Okay. Yeah. No, I know I'm far.

I'm far. 207th Street. I'm far. I think that's convenient. So shut the fuck up. It's off an express train that runs just more reliably than down here. This is all relative. Okay.

Like, where do you go grocery shopping here? There's a Trader Joe's not far away. There's a Whole Foods not far away. And I door dash everything now. Okay, great. And then where do you go like if you want to go get a sandwich

or lunch or dinner? There's a lot of food places. There are. Like a Sweetgreen Delivered. Oh, God. You mean Sweetgreen Delivered. So I walk to get... What do you...

All right, whatever. How about how they're so fucking annoying at Sweetgreen? Hey, we can relate on that. We can connect on that. Right. It's like, you know, if you put the dressing on,

you better eat it with it. Shut the fuck up. And wait, how many times, like, I order on Sweetgreen, and, like, it's the basic fucking salad, and they're like, we're out of lettuce. They are out of kale. We're out of everything. they are out of kale every other day and i don't get salads that much from there but like if i'm going once every two weeks and

50 to 75 percent of the time they're out of kale how how i order i order the guacamole greens to go just you know there's no avocado today and i said oh well then i'm not getting that right yeah it's the main fucking ingredient yeah we're not ordering crazy things in addition don't even offer you anything nothing they just they don't go we can substitute blank for no you have to fucking pay for it it didn't used to be that way either it didn't used to be it's like the last two years the worst thing I ever did I walked out I didn't I didn't get the salad like I the salad. Then there was no bread. And I said, I don't want this thing. And what'd they say?

They probably stared at you like, because they're like robots. They threw it away. I was hoping they'd say, well, then just take it. But they threw it away. You're so annoying. Go fucking buy a piece of bread. We're on the same side here. No, that's not normal.

They had your salad. They ran out of fucking bread I know but No but you need bread It's not filling enough To have just a salad For $21 Then go get a fucking

Piece of bread It's the bread It's like this big anyway I get three extra pieces How much? Three extra pieces No they just give it to me No they don't

Here's how I go They shouldn't be doing that I say like We're doing something naughty. I'm like, do you mind if I get some extra? And they're like, okay. I'm so mad at you. They don't give me shit. How do you ask?

I don't. I say, hi, I'm so nice. I'm like, hey, how are you? But, you know, it also, what about the workers that are like, oh, I guess I got to go chop up some cucumbers now. And I'm going to walk really slowly. And then I'll pick up the knife. And then, I mean, it's like, oh, my God. Well, it feels like a lot of those chain places, from my experience, it feels like there's one person really working right and

then there's like seven or eight people kind of like loading supplies moving things from here to there but it's like it's like i feel like one person gets a shift and they have to do everything and then everyone else kind of like mills around it's a it's a wait did you tell your about your car rental thing no i didn't i don't think i did you should about your car rental thing? No, I didn't. I don't think I did. You should tell. But I think I struggle where I'm like, everyone's underpaid.

All these people working in these places are underpaid. So I feel a certain degree of like, don't be too mad at them. They're being treated poorly by capitalism. But at the other side, you're like well you gotta you gotta do something here it is your job so someone else can do it i when i was in high school i loaded trucks i loaded heaters on trucks it was the most boring i worked in a factory to make extra money like i i did it it was a job did you get strong were you like oh my god i was so strong it was so hot and i was a job. Did you get strong? Were you like, oh my God, I was so strong. So hot. And I was a, a lot of people don't know this. I, in between my freshman and sophomore year in college, I was a toll collector on the New Jersey Turnpike.

Really? Yes. How was that? So boring. But now you have to realize I grew up before, you know, phones, social media, no computers, nothing. So you would sit there for eight hours you weren't allowed to have like a tv or anything you could maybe have a radio i think

and um i there were three shifts there was the 6 a.m to 2 p.m 2 p.m to 8 p.m and then 8 p.m to 6 p.m at 8 p.m to 6 a.m and i worked in the summer so i would move from exit to exit depending on who was on vacation oh i see and so i went from nine exit 9 to 13 and i swear at the end of the um i love the story at the end of the, I love this story. At the end of my, you know, in August, when I was getting ready to go back to school, one of the guys at 16E was like, hey, I can get you a job at 16E full time. Wouldn't you like to work at 16? I'm like, no, I want to go to college.

This is the fucking most boring job and but it you know it was also not everyone had the same fare because it was the term pack it depended on where you went on people would leave me you know tens thinking they're ones and 20s thinking they're ones and yeah and you just you just keep it well you're supposed to like report it um but it's like you're in the middle of a thing and then a car's coming and you're like hi you know so one time someone gave me a 20 and um and i would always put the money aside uh and then buy pot but i would um put the money aside and you know if they whatever if they came back whatever so i'm i'm doing it and i'm in the

middle of a shift and i put the money aside and then an hour later i don't know someone comes back she i had gave her a what am i supposed to run out on the fucking turnpike and start screaming like so i got in trouble and i get hired back the next summer how much of a time like was there got in trouble and i get hired back the next summer how much of a time like was there lulls in people oh yeah okay especially the eight staying awake late late at night from the 8 p.m to 6 a.m was torture but it was funny because at night when i worked that shift um there would be a lot of trucks and i was 19 and hot and skinny. And I would get like a, like all of a sudden one trucker would be like chicken lane nine. And then I would get,

you know, 10,000 trucks and no one would get any, no other lane was, would get any fucking cars. Do they leave tips? They would go ahead. No, they'd be like,

Hey, what's up? And then, and then when they, that's a quick hit, you got to hit on them quick. That's speed dating. But I got a lot of joints and stuff from people going to the Garden State Arts Center.

Yeah, for a concert. They're like, hey, whoo. I'm like, oh, have fun. I wish I could go. And they're like, here. Yeah. And you know the pot then was fucking like oregano. Did you miss that pot?

Or was it just terrible? I don't know. Was it awful? Did it just give you headaches? give you headaches full you know this is what it was it was like i got colombian i got hawaiian you know like yeah the and a lot and it wasn't it's like now it's really weird the pot because you we used to just roll selfies like little joints yeah for you know and we'd sit there and smoke and you wouldn't get like you know sure yeah and now you take two hits and you're like yeah it's so concentrated now well russell doesn't do a lot of pot but he told me he had an edible i want him to do an edible and us to do with the podcast and he said he had an edible toast

I hate he was like he was like I could never do the podcast. I just stared at the wall for three hours I couldn't move my limb. What did you? I said how many milligrams he said no idea. I said go get the bag and how much I'll get the bag 65 65 Go get the bag. And how much? Go get the bag. 65. What?

See, I don't know. That is horrible. It was a gummy. You take five or ten. It was a gummy. Five or ten. That's exactly five. I didn't even want to go out. I would start at five.

See, I took half and I didn't feel anything for like an hour and a half. I should have waited longer. And then I took the other half. It's amazing how that story, we all know the story. I didn't feel anything and I took more. And yet we all repeated. That's why I like the gummies but I don't because I like at least when you're taking a hit, you get a, you know. Well, it's right away.

Yeah. But the gummies, I, you know, I have this, one of my sponsors on my podcast is microdose.com. And what? No, it's just funny. They got that website right off the gate. Well, they microdose.com and what no it's just funny they got that website right off the gate well they microdose thc so they have entry-level um uh uh gummies that are they're like three or something and they're so good but you can you know once you get used to it then you can take you know two of them or three of them but then they have all these other amazing strains of indica and hybrid and sativa and they're fucking great and they're you know five million you take you take one you take two you can't have fucking 65

no what is wrong with you did you have couch lock what does that mean where you can't you're like i i mean i could move, but time felt so slow and I really couldn't focus anything. Were you like, I gotta get out of this? I gotta get out of this. I just was like laying on the couch staring at the ceiling. I tried watching TV. It didn't really, it was too slow or too fast. It was like, it was

very weird. Did not like it. But I know that I took too much. And so I'll probably try to quarter of that. Let me real quick, just to jump in here. So today's episode is brought to you by Microdose.com. Do you have Microdose.com? No, we don't have any sponsor. No, they're really good.

I didn't mean to do it, but I was just thinking. And I get really big discounts, so I'll give you my discount. But they have, you know, like I've given it to people who are so anti taking anything yeah and i give them that three yeah that entry level and they're like it just takes the fucking edge off yeah that's good how can i get stoned i don't know it depends i go i'll go weeks with i'm like i don't feel like it i do these mintsints now. They're two milligrams, two and a half milligrams. I do enjoy that. Yeah.

And I'm in the middle of writing. We're at rewrites of my, I have this show coming, this off-roadway show coming up. And we start rehearsals next week. And I just sit there all day with my writing partner and his dog. And sometimes you're just like oh i can't and then you you take a little gummy and it's like um so i'll do it you know it's interesting i'll do it a lot for a week and then i'll be like i don't feel like it yeah yeah you know but when i i started smoking pot when i was 16 maybe 15 16 yeah and you know the shitty

pot and then i was a pothead i like i smoked all through college and like wake and bake um not a lot i was not sometimes on the weekends but not you know i'm pretty responsible but then when i had kids i was like okay you can't you don't want to be compromised at all when they are that vulnerable like i don't know i would be i feel like i'd be silly with the kids in a way that would be fun i wouldn't be responsible right but like i could play with their action figures right right before they're going to sleep or something but not when you're out and you know sure sure and you're just like i would leave them somewhere and i never do anything before i go on stage yeah i feel like it's my job

and i want every syntax in my brain working and also i just don't understand how people can do that sure yeah yeah i i've done it once or twice with stone and i get if i go to a place on stage where i'm like are they laughing at the joke or because i'm being weird right because you're so introspective and you want to be you want to be aware of what the fuck is going on in the room yeah i don't know i just yeah what did you when when you were raising your kids what did you tell them about pot like did you say do it well when they you know look they went to public school in new york city so i knew i was like look just i said do i told them if you're gonna smoke do it here uh-huh um do not do it outside do it indoors never do it outside this was you know 10 years

sure yep my dad would always tell me the story he'd say like son even if someone's smoking a joint and they say hey hold this joint so i can tie my shoe that's when the cops bust you and he he was like he was terrified and he was a hippie and he like acted like he never did drugs he was one of those parents he just lied wait can i say something please i have so i am i was very open with my kids good you should and and i said you know and i did i told them to smoke here um at what age eight shut up um when they got into you know when they were when i knew they were fucking smoking pot you know um i said don't ever carry it with you don't ever bring it to school don't don't have it on your

person if you you know let someone else hold it you know but um and i said when they went to cop you know i said i'd prefer you smoke than drink you know which i would prefer i think alcohol is so dangerous um and so especially when they got their license and stuff so uh there are so many parents who i know who were total potheads and act like oh oh i never did and i'm just like shut the fuck like seriously yeah yeah it's so annoying to me. And you set up your kid poorly. There was one time I got in trouble at school where it was after a theater thing, and there was a big strike. You take down the set, everyone got drunk and high.

And my year, we got busted. And there was some year where they confronted me. They were like, we heard that you got drunk at the thing. And I should have just lied. It was the school. It wasn't the police. Right, right, right. And I should have just lied. It was the school. It wasn't the police. Right, right, right. And I should have just lied. And I wouldn't, they had no proof.

But because my parents, your parents should also tell you how to cheat now and then. You need to know the system. Not to say anything. Not to just, but instead what they do is like be good, knowing they weren't good, knowing that all human beings are flawed. And then you have this dumb kid getting interrogated. And he's like, I did, I did drink. Because you don't tell the kid the truth right right and uh my mom on the other hand she she did a lot of drugs she was honest with me and you know she told me the time she did acid and how

scary it was for her and like her honest story of that made me more hesitant yeah about drugs so i was like oh that sounds pretty scary right as opposed to i never did acid so don't you she was like i did acid i was in a closet for three hours and i'll never forget it my mom was at studio 54 oh she was like right my girlfriend was at studio 54 our neighbor who's now 80 um did told she did acid in the 60s and she said they all did acid, and then they got in the car, and they're like, we're driving to Florida. And they packed all their stuff up, and they got in the car, and they're driving to Florida, and then four hours later,

they come to, and they're still in the driveway. Oh, my God. I remember I was with a group of friends who did acid one time, and I was the only one that didn't. It was four of us and it was daylight savings. So we were springing ahead. I just remember the night and I was sleeping on one of their couches at the end of the

night and it was, it was like a good, like it was, I was almost did it, didn't do it. And when we got home from that party, one of them was crying and he was couldn't remember how to poop but he felt like he had to poop and he was screaming from the bathroom like that he had to poop but he didn't know how and it was like a good like okay i made the right decision like they were what did you tell you're the sober one in the room were you like no i just like a certain point i was like i wasn't fun anymore i was a little drunk and I was just like, I'm going to pretend to be asleep and like just lay on this couch and then leave when the light's out. But it was, it was, it didn't seem fun.

Like they didn't have fun that night. You know what I mean? All right. I do have to say real quick for those people listening, this is the downside. This is a place where we talk about the negatives. We let people complain, Kvetch. Wine. It's just so perfect for me. I know.

I know. And if you're a fan, join the Patreon. Patreon.com slash Downside. Bonus episodes. Ad-free episodes. Live episodes. What do you do on your... So how do you do your Patreon with your podcast?

Because I want to do that. Yeah. But it's a lot of extra work, right? It's a lot of extra work. It's a lot of extra work. So it's evolving. Right now, we do live episodes. The clips are the thing that are getting the most.

Right. These clips. That's just the world. Wait, we're live right now? No, no, no, no, no. Oh, all right. No, no, no. But we do live show episodes.

We do them for the Patreons. So we get the clips. So we can use the live episodes for something. But that's only on the Patreon. We did some weird thing for Amazon where we did live over the phone episodes that was on so we just i'm putting up a i recorded a clean album i'm never gonna release i'm gonna put the video on the patreon go for it you're a fan of me i'm doing a clean album too yeah yeah yeah i didn't want to do it i'm a cursor you're a cursor from from like the time i was fucking five years old my dad was a businessman so he was always

on the phone like screaming on the phone. Really? You get the fuck. And that's how I knew every curse word from an early, early age. Who was it in your family? No one cursed. I mean, my, there were, these were this, this was what they said. Bitch on wheels.

That phrase. Yeah. Goddamn son of a bitch. That was my mother. Is bitch on wheels a compliment? No, she's a bitch on wheels um that phrase yeah goddamn son of a bitch that was my mother compliment no she's a bitch on wheels i don't know what it sounds like i'm gonna tell you my parents were born in 1916 and 1922 wow wow they were older when they had me but yeah back then saying you said bitch the room and my grandmother was born and she she came every weekend and shared a room with me she was born in 1896 wow isn't that crazy that is crazy it's like sharing a room with her i loved her she was the best um she played basketball

uh when when she was i don't know she was she couldn't even vote until she was 24 can you imagine she lived till i was 25 wow yeah and um she was always like you know have good penmanship um she told me you can smoke cigarettes but only smoke a couple a day she loved beer um but you know they were from new york so uh my mother grew up on the upper west side which is like a nice area instead of this fucking shithole we're in and um yeah so i come from i came from older parents who were like a generation older than all the kids my age's parents you know how old were they when they had you 40 40 ish little over 40 and 47 was that because you know i once did i once did a roast battle with someone and they said the only thing you can't make fun of is the fact that my dad was old when he had me and their dad was dead they said joke about my dad being dead all you want

they were very sensitive because i guess they were bullied or they felt ashamed there was something about having older parents like did you did you notice in terms of your friend's parents how much older they were i wasn't that aware um they lied like my father lied to me like when he turned 60 i was like they told me he turned 50 and i was like the whole day because i'm so i was so obnoxious i'm like oh you're a half a century whoo you're a half a century and he'd been a fucking half a century for 10 years and then when my grandmother turned 75 they told me oh it's a joke she's really 57 like they would just fucking lie lie so um stressful you're like oh my god my grandma's seven years older than my dad Right and so I was like Remembering

When I found out Like I remember I was visiting my grandmother And I saw like a paper she had filled out And they said And this was like in the early 80's You know and it said Date of birth And it was like 9

13 96 And I was like 9-13-96. And I was like, 90s? Wait. 18? I was like, fucking, oh my God. It freaked me the fuck out. And I was like, and there were just a lot of hidden shit.

Like, my father served in World War II. Where did he go? He went to Englandland he was there during blitzkrieg um jesus christ yeah but he never talked about it um so you didn't know i mean i knew he you know it it was just i didn't pay i was around old people all the time do you know if i had gone to war my kid would would i would never shut the fuck up about i know but they didn't do that my grandfather same thing he never really talked about world right world war ii i think was a really but here's the thing i they were i think good parents and

different parents than you know like elisa my lover her parents were like 21 and 22 or 22 and 23 and she is always saying my parents were children when you know my parents were set in their ways they were you know they didn't give a fuck about you know what other people you know there were all these like young people you know young parents in theiries or whatever, who'd buy like big cars. And I'm like, why can't we have that? And why? And they're like, because you don't need it. And it doesn't mean the rich, that thing that none of that means they have money at all. And I was like, but, and they were just very set. And like, I didn't have a big party for my bat mitzvah. My sister had like, they had dessert after her bat mitzvah. My brother, they had brunch at the house.

Yeah. You know, like we, it was like, no, that's not what it's about. But they were, and that's what I grew up with. And I resented it until now. Like we had this huge vegetable garden. They grew all their own vegetables. They did, my mother knit and sewed and you know i don't know we took music lessons it was very old-fashioned a lot of reading a lot of um yeah they didn't go through that whole drug you know i that was the other parents with

the studio 54 shit well not even because it's really our generation. Were they chill with you smoking pot? Did they not know? They had no idea. They had no idea. Oh, my God. I just got in the car with my brother and sister last week because my brother was visiting. I went to New Jersey to, you know, have dinner with him and my sister and some other family.

And we're at, I went to New Brunswick because i went to rutgers we all went to rutgers and uh they're in the car going how many drugs did you do and i was like i don't know and i don't know six like different and i and they're like and my sister's like like what and i said all right pot coke you did coke i'm like oh my god i can't well if you said six cokes in the one yeah yeah that's definitely it's like heroin you know yeah i'm and she's when and i'm like mushrooms what and like they were just you know my my siblings did mushrooms before I ever did. My little brother.

I went to my little brother like, so should I be scared? Yeah. And he's like, I got to get back to high school. Yeah, fuck you. Yeah. I was a loser. Yeah, so I am really old fashioned. Like, I hand write thank you notes.

Every time someone invites me to dinner or something, I'll hand write a thank you note. And they're all like, oh my God, thank you so much. But that is how I grew up. And I try to teach some of it to my kids. I think the first time we worked together, we did that reading, which I'm going to go ahead and call it God Awful. We did a reading of a play together.

What was the reading it was uh at the friars club uh you see if it's shitty i just block it out i kind of remember it yeah i feel i feel mean and i feel mean what i what i said about it uh uh it was about um it was like snl back in the day uh it was like about old comedy like in the 60s and 70s. All I remember, the thing I remember the most, you were watching your son play basketball on the iPad. Oh, that's so funny. And you were like, you were mad at that ref.

I've gotten, well. You what? I got kind of kicked out of a game what level of game it was high school okay it was high school and this is here in new york this what well he he ended up he went here in new york uh-huh um and then he went to uh northfield met herman which is a prep school for was a d1 feeder uh for his junior and senior year but he had to redo junior because you know when you reclassify so he was at public school freshman sophomore junior then junior senior at north northfield then he went to tulane and then he um transferred to trinity d3 He didn't like D1. Okay.

So we're at Le Mans School, which is this private school down here somewhere, like by Wall Street. So you're already in a bad mood. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Because I had to fucking take the train. Anyway.

So we're down there and he's playing playing this and you know he went to public school and like the prep schools are a little cunty you know like they're the the parents are like you know he played with michael cohen's son really yes he was because he there's this great program called mo motion which is run by a female um and maureen hola hola hand holo hand whatever uh and she taught ben how to shoot she's amazing anyway it's called mo motion and so a lot of those that was an extra you know he would play basketball for the school but then he also played in these aau teams and all this other shit and so we're at lamon and the kid like they're so they talk i know they talk shit on the court because i always ask them oh what that one say do you want

that one say to you and they were just being fucking assholes and say you know and ben is really good like so he would make a million shots and they'd be like and like and finally i just said shut the fuck up yeah, you're so fucking nasty. I don't know if I said fuck, but I said, shut up. Don't talk. You know, like, it was really. They're just on the court and you just see them snickering to each other or whatever? They are screaming to him.

Oh, the parents. The kids. The kids. And the parents aren't doing anything. They're not like shut up shut up and these kids are just and i just said stop it like shut up and they're like uh and then the coach the other coach was like get her you know we're gonna call the police i said call the police have fun enjoy and ben's like and then I just I went outside

I just had to stand outside but I was so mad you know it's I don't know it's so disgusting so it happened I don't know where the hell I was a college game and they were like screaming shit his his really close friend Gil who uh uh plays on trinity with him you know i knew they were yelling shit and they're yelling at the coach like just rude horrible shit and they were yelling to gill about i guess they looked up his parents and they were yelling about and i told them to shut i did it again and they all looked around at me and were like what you know but they last year they called ben a uh fucking jew oh my god yeah so on the court like he was yeah they were like fucking jew or something and he said something afterwards to the coach

and they got in trouble and now they make an announcement before all the games not to say fucking jew yeah exactly that's crazy unbelievable and they're all people like here's the thing your kids play sports you know look my kids had two moms and they were both like henry was really great at soccer uh ben was just unbelievable at everything like baseball and and you know i'm dealing with these fathers who are living vicariously yeah you know like and i'm just like oh my god shut the fuck up like it's not that important i'm sorry you you know didn't make the varsity team but it's it's a lot of this competitive and they're so invested. And I'm in that, like I love the games.

I don't want to miss any of the games. I'm really into it, but I'm not like, my whole self-esteem is like about, you know what I mean? Now when you get angry, which is 20, you know,

and my dad was, I mean, I have my anger things and my dad, it comes from my dad. Do your kids ever go mom please please don't make a scene because i do that with my dad fucking like i'm bringing someone over can you please act normal like it's always um and then when the when the when the friends come over and they're like oh your mom's really cool then they're like oh mommy you know but yeah because i do have the i have no frustration

tolerance yeah and i get like the the reaction doesn't match the offense a lot of the time um and i have adhd so i get really mad at myself like i a lot of it is taken out on myself like i thought i got everything together and then i forget one thing and i'm like you fucking idiot like i get really mad at myself i feel very i first of all i i do think i have ad ADHD. It was being with a girlfriend. I feel it. I need to go get it checked out. But I do that too. And I'm loud.

There's just a degree of like- Right, I'm loud too. Loud. And I understand I have to, because for me, if the train, what happened to you today? If they got on the speaker and I was going to your place for your podcast and they said, you know,

you got to get off the train, I'd be like, fuck, God damn it. That's what I did. i did yeah i did i got i they're like i'm sitting there first of all i had to wait forever i kept saying it was coming and it didn't come and then they're like next stop second avenue and then that's it get off and i'm like i just said what the fuck i literally was like what the fuck is what i'm just and I talk in the air. Yeah. Like you fucking ass. And what do you when you because you don't do that. No.

You see people who do that. Truly. What's your thought? Well, listen, I I think it depends on the thing. I don't I don't I don't I think it's a common thing in New York to see someone get mad at the train. That doesn't really faze me anymore. I would say if it's not that situation, if it's like another situation where I see someone yelling in public, I steer clear. What do you do with your rage, though? You have rage.

What do you do with it? Because I have to do it. It's a release valve. Oh, yeah. I mean, I feel like I get it out in the show. Like, I get to yell and stuff a lot on the in the the show i'm in and you know i don't know i don't think i have a healthy way of dealing with it because i do there are times where i'm not doing something i'm happen to be in a show now where i get to yell and

do all that he's in titanic oh i want to see that so bad i was just talking about mazel tov that's it's like yeah so daryl Roth is the greatest. She is. I met her once, quickly. Okay, Daryl Roth. This is the theater that Russell's performing in, right? Yeah, but her as a person is such a champion for, you know, underheard voices and theater. And she's just one of the greatest women um i've ever had got you know the chance to work with and be friends like i fuck she is go daryl roth okay so but i all right i do this

thing now and so they know when and i really they're like mommy can you not take can you not So they know when, and I really, they're like, mommy, can you not take, can you not, you know, they're like, calm down. It's not that big of, you know, because Ben's studying psychology. Henry's full of rage. He goes overboard too. But I do this thing now, like, I don't know if this happens to you with the ADHD. And by the way, Elisa, who is also a fucking therapist by trade, you know, you don't know how hard it is to be in a relationship with someone adhd and is always showing me these fucking books and i'm like you're annoying too so shut the fuck up at least i have a disease and

you are just annoying okay so i do this thing now like you know how you're in your head and you're really focusing and then something happens to fuck up whatever you yeah had and then you can't handle it like something drops on the floor or you're it's just i go like this now and that signal everyone and they're like mommy but i go so you used to have like yelled screen wreck like yeah like yesterday i eddie was there my writing partner with the dog who's the sweetest fucking lucy and i was in the back i got a bad phone i don't know what happened i was like fuck fuck this shit you don't fucking tell me what to do. I'm fucking sick. And he said, and I went back in the other room and he's like, Lucy didn't really like your yelling.

And I was like, oh, I don't need the talk. I'm comfortable. But I do do this. Sometimes I can't. I'm so enraged and it's over stupid shit. I'll try that. I'll try this, keeping the mouth closed. You go.

But, you know, we'll try that. I'll try this, keeping the mouth closed. You go, mmm. But, you know, what would be scary? If you're next to me on the train, would you let me go like, fuck, God,

fucking damn it, or, mmm. No, actually, guys, I think in public, stick with the fuck,

because there's something really unsettling about it. But I understand, in person, in the house, people know what's happening. That how my girlfriend tova she yells at the alexa like constantly yeah i tell her please please it's not helping i can't do that i cannot have i don't trust anything first of all siri knows fucking nothing nothing fuck siri it's like i found on the internet shut the fuck up like just look it up read a book i can't okay wait the other thing about getting angry i'm gonna tell my dad

these okay the other thing first of all i like i had to work out after that my phone call yesterday eddie was like go on the peloton right now i'm like okay um but it's the it's the um but it's the it's the injure like it's i i can't what makes me so fucking angry is like you have a job it's really easy and you don't do it do you know what i mean like that thing with sweet green when i look and it's like we have no lettuce I'm like so fucking mad like I take it out on them or do you hold it in no it's not their fault I know but like where do you put it but there's an injustice then it changes my whole plan because I order it before I go over there but um when people can't do their jobs or say they're gonna do something and they don't do it you know that kind of stuff drives me crazy you have one fucking job

yeah you know but your parents do they ever yell do you like i'm like it's my dad oh so it was from them okay yeah my mother yelled my father would yell he does the thing that i did with the you know he yelled the sprinkler like i yell at inanimate objects that's that's i've always said like at least i say i don't guide it towards people that's why i say that all the time like elisa what other excuses do you have for your anger that i know but it's true i'm like you fuck it and i feel oh i do this whole thing where it's like happening to me like i have a black cloud and god is doing this to me and why is my life so hard it's like and my friends just make fun of me. It's like, yeah, the whole world revolves around you and God

is like, whatever. I don't even know if I believe in God, but whatever. You know what I mean? I do envy having God as I was watching Amadeus and he has God to blame. I wish there was God just so I could be like, fuck you as opposed to just, fuck, I guess

nothing's going on. Oh, this is another thing I do. Really? I swear to God, when something happens, you're gonna do this to me today? Great! I hope you enjoy like, I have these fucking stupid conversations. And God comes down like, that made Jesus

uncomfortable. I can't believe I'm I don't, yeah, oh no, no, no. I'm a Jew. Of course. No, yeah, but no. We're all Jews here, except for Russell. Russell's not a Jew. No, I'm sorry. Not at all, no, no, no. I'm a Jew. Of course. No, yeah. We're all Jews here except for Russell. Russell's not a Jew. No, I'm sorry. Not at all. Maybe someday.

No, but I can't believe I'm telling you all my little secrets. No, because my dad, I think I've told it once, but it's like he took it out on people. And he took it out on his staff. Oh, no. Because he's he's he's he's stupid but there was one time i always remember where we went to a restaurant we're getting it to go there was a woman there he kind of knew in the village potomac and uh she said oh you look kind of sad and my dad was like well that that's because i am sad and she said like you know when you get to the gates of heaven oh god i know

so i'm just and i'm just seeing i'm a little i'm a little boy and i'm like i'm nervous i want to And she said, like, you know, when you get to the gates of heaven. Oh, God. Oh, no. I know. And I'm a little boy and I'm like, I want to run up to this older one and be like, shut the fuck up. Please shut the fuck up. When you get to the gates of heaven, Jesus isn't going to be curious about why you're so sad. He's going to want to know kind of why you lived. She was trying to be helpful. And my dad goes, you know what? Fuck you. And grabs dad goes, you know what? Fuck you.

And grabs the stuff and walks out. And it was like a fancy restaurant. Fancy restaurant. I love that. But as a kid, I think it gave me a lot of anxiety. I was scared to bring my dad in public. I'm scared for him to be in a comedy show. Right. Right.

And he's just, he can't control it. I've never met your dad. You've never met him. No. Which is crazy. You know, I do think my mother would always not let something just pass.

Like if someone dissed her or treated someone else like shit, she would always speak up. And I think, and I do the same thing. And I think sometimes the kids are like, just let it go. And I'm like, no, I'm not going to, you know, injustice. Like, I can't, you know what I mean? Isn't it, because my girlfriend, she was coming home one day. I was on the phone with her.

I was on the road. And it was late. And she went to our door where there's a little, you know, by the mailboxes and stuff. And there was a guy in there who didn't open the door for her. Oh, I do that all the time. But she goes in and goes like, did you see me? I was standing right there. And I'm on the phone with her.

And I'm like, baby, baby, what are you doing? Baby? Oh, God. What? What? Baby, what's your, what are you doing baby oh god what what baby what's your what do you say baby baby we call each other dar dar short for darling and anytime we've been on the road with anyone they all like ted alexandro calls us dar everyone calls us dar tom papa every fucking person we've ever done a gig with. What do you call Nicole other than the B word? Yeah. Rachel.

What's your term? You don't say baby, you don't say hun? Maybe baby once in a while, but not like a... Ew, baby. It's not a normal... Baby's too like... Hey, baby. I'm trying to think.

You think baby's more hetero? Oh, it's really hetero. Yeah. Yeah, and it's so role-playing. Like, you're the baby. Oh, baby. Last night we did, so it playing. Like you're the baby. Oh, baby. Last night we did. So it was like, I'm in baby mode now.

What does that mean? Baby mode means I'm turning off all the lights. I'm locking up. It means that. It means she's done. Take care of me. She's done for the night. Wait.

So how long have you been married? Seven years. Wow. Yeah. Seven years. Three to go. It seems three. How old were you?

How old were you when you got married? I was uh 31 when you got married 30 30 see that's good how old are you 34 oh you're a baby all right you're looking at me and i had parents that were you know yeah how old were you when you got married i didn't we're not married. What? Your first? My first, we couldn't get married. It was- You couldn't? Okay. Yeah.

There was no gay marriage. We were together for 20 years. Did you want to get married or at the time were you like- I fought for marriage equality and I fought all through the AIDS crisis. like i became like you know when once i like 80 middle of the 80s the end of when the when the virus came out right and it was hitting gay men and it i can't even like i can't when i look at videos from that period of time i get like ptsd it was like i this is so I remember I had dinner Lisa and I Dar and I had dinner with some younger gays um several months ago maybe almost a year ago uh who we we have dinner with um you know every few months and they're in their 20s and I was sitting at the table

months and they're in their 20s and i was sitting at the table and i was looking at all these gay people who can get married who you know don't have to think about you know and i anything and i remember being i was like god i remember being their age and i'd be sitting at dinner with my friends and going i wonder if i'll ever see that person again. Or, you know, they look horrible or they're sick or they got it. And it was this, you talk about the pandemic now, but for our community, it was like all these young people who... And it was also before social media. So if people died, you'd find out in a more disjointed right but you knew because if you were like involved like i worked at the aids walk i

volunteered at god's love we deliver i marched and marched and marched um and i i remember when they were doing the aids rides you know where they would drive ride from you know boston to new york or la to wherever or all the way across i would go to the campsites and do stand-up you know like yeah it was we really were fight and it was life and death and so i think there's a lot of this is the downside uh there's a lot of gay privilege now you know um a lot of young gays who don't realize that just you know 40 35 years ago we everyone was dying like literally dying yeah and and you realized at that time, you know, people were together for 25, 30 years and their families would come in at the end and leave them with nothing. Yeah. Wouldn't let them go to visit.

Wouldn't let them at the funeral. Would kick them out of their home. I mean, it was awful. And that's why we fought so hard for marriage equality. So we couldn't get married. And then I for marriage equality so we couldn't get married and then i met elisa still couldn't get married and we've been together 16 years and she won't will only get married she her her birthday is december 31st my birthday is november 15th and in that six weeks we're the same age otherwise she's a year older than me and that's the only

time she'll get married and it's been 16 years and she's out of her now do you live together uh yes we do and you and you we don't live together oh that's interesting how for the whole time well the whole time or you decided well we own it we i bought a house in Provincetown right after in 94 right um damn I had been on all-american I got my first like sitcom yeah and I took the money and I bought this house and then so she had now she's bought into the house so we own that house together okay and we live there together when we're there but she lives in Harlem I live on the Upper West Side. All right, now talk to me about it, because I think that's, that would hurt Tova's feelings. And I think, how many nights do you spend together? Like, do you go there?

Does she go here? Yeah, she comes to me more than I go to her, which, because she has a car, well, she has a car and a garage, and it's easier for her. But I would say three, four nights a week. I just, there's sometimes, and I get this on the road at least, where I sleep very peacefully. And also my girlfriend has night terrors.

So there's like a real reason for that. Oh, Henry had those. They were horrible. Really? Yes. Would they wake you up from the other room? Oh yeah. It's horrible.

What were they like? You had to like calm them the fuck down or just hold them or whatever. Yeah, yeah. They're horrible. Is she on antidepressants or anything? No, she takes Klonopin to help with it. It's gotten better overall.

Right, right. But she got mugged a while ago. Oh, that's terrible. Fucking asshole. And she chased after them and got the phone back. Good. Fuck that motherfucker. Yeah. unpack good fuck that motherfucker um yeah i have i know someone i was in this show this off-roadway show and he is a professional understudy those people are fucking geniuses

wild it i can't even uh whatever and so he's he's been with his, it's got to be 40 something years now, 43, 44 years, whatever. And they live in Midtown and one lives in apartment 5A and one lives in apartment 6A. And they spend all their time together and then at night they're like, all right, night, night. Yeah. I like it. It's, I know, I'm telling you. I like the option.

Yeah. It's, I don't, I don't need it all the time. Playing nights together, but I just think it's nice as well. Well, it's like, you know, you get home from work and sometimes you just don't want to fucking deal with anyone. That's the other part. And I get home, like, I'll go out and do a late set and I don't want to, you know, she's like, you're going to make me, like, she doesn't, she's never lived with anyone, so she doesn't get that you can kind of figure that shit out. But, you know, I like coming home and and being able to do whatever the fuck i want especially if i have like a bad set sometimes i'm like i just need to be alone you never have a bad set please please stop i've had plenty kick off an exciting football season with bet mgm an official sportsbook partner of the

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Red One. We're coming at you. Is the movie event of the holiday season. Santa Claus has been kidnapped. You're going to help us find him. You can't trust this guy. He's on the list. He's a naughty lister.

Naughty lister? Dwayne Johnson. We got snowmen! Chris Evans. I might just go back to the car. Let's save Christmas. I'm not going to say that. Say it.

All right. Let's save Christmas. There it is. Only in theaters November 15th. Let's save Christmas. There it is. Only in theaters November 15th. So, but you adopted, so you adopted your, not adopted.

No, no. You co-parent adopted. What is it called? No. Good research. Thank you. Really do your due diligence. I know they're different.

I know they're not biologically related, different sperm donor because we ran out of the first one. Right. So my ex had Henry and then I adopted him. Was that hard at that time? We had to wait till he was almost one. I had all the paperwork in

and then it took like 10 months or something like that to get a court date was it more difficult because you were lesbian or was it yeah it was you know it was called a second parent adoption and it just it just had passed but when i had ben and sharon and i broke up when they were two and a half and seven and a half. And she hadn't done the paperwork. And that, since she moved out, we didn't live together. We were not, you know, legally married. We had, there was no biological connection to ben um that was a precedent setting case in the

state of new york wow for because it was a it was because we had broken up and um you know there was she had no legal there was nothing you know in the eyes of the law that made her a parent of this child. And so this was good for divorced gay people everywhere. I mean, I just, I thought, you know what? I could have said, you know, fuck you. But we had those kids together. I didn't want, like, you know, Henry you. But we had those kids together. I didn't want, like, you know, Henry to be going back and forth and Ben just staying with me.

It was like they're brothers. We have this family together, and they're going to stay together. And so the judge, yeah. And then at the, this was, we're in the judge's chambers. And at this time, I was already with Elisa. It took years. And we're in the judges chambers and she asks the kids i guess they're 10 and 5 um do you know what's going on and

uh henry said yes and he looks at ben and says now we're full brothers and they hug and i was like i did the right thing yeah and it was just so that's very sweet yeah what year is this 10 and 5 so that would be 2007 or yeah 2007 how what i mean that is not that long ago that's what's great about all this when we when henry was born like we had to carry papers to prove that i was also it was like it you know it's just it was so fucking ridiculous yeah there was a time sharon was with ben ben was a baby she was getting on a plane and and I'm mommy, and she's mama. And he was a lap baby, even though he was gigantic. And they said, oh, is this your mommy?

And he said, no. And they're like, no, my mommy, he said, no, my mommy just left. She's not here. And they were like, what? And said no my mommy just left she's not here and they were like what and she's like i'm mama right ben i'm mama right and it was just like that always i'm mama right right and it was also you know and also anytime he took him to the doctor and i wrote an article about when ben got his tonsils out and they treated us completely different than the other straight pair it's like you know you don't realize until you have to fight for like basic human rights and dignity and to be treated like you don't realize what it's like yeah you know and and i you know you think about how do they treat you what was there anything significant and or that you what did you notice that they did differently what they the in this particular with the tonsils like oh my god

first of all every for henry went to school when he was in kindergarten she's like what do i write mommy it says mother father so then i uh then i called christine quinn at the time who's speaker of the house she's amazing and i was like these forms have to be changed to parent-guardian, parent-guardian. Because after 9-11, it's not even gay. It's like, how many kids lost their parents in 9-11? You know? How many kids have parents, you know, who died of cancer or incarcerated or whatever, or live with their grandparents?

Like, it's ridiculous. And then when he got, and so when he got his tonsils out, you have to read this article, they use it as a learning piece now. I bring him to the doctor. He's on Sharon's insurance. And we're checking out. And they're like, the receptionist is like, okay. And then she looks up.

She said, so who's the real mother like in front of ben i said are you asking who the biological mother is i can answer that but don't you ever ask that question to another you know same-sex parent and i knew i had to like you know how you can be like i don't feel like getting into it exactly you can't if you have a child standing there if they see you yeah oh um oh my god i'm so sorry i am we're gay you know like you have to show the easy thing would be like she's the real mother right yeah and then and you can't so i said don't ever ask that i'm the biological and that's his other mother and he's on her you know like and don't ever say that again and then how did she react did she like she was like i was you have to be kind and firm but you

have to show the kids they can't shy away you know like they so anyway and then um so he gets the tonsils out and sharon and i are both there and they're like one parent can go in when he goes under and one parent can be there you know and you can decide so you know ben is so like whatever i don't care and um and we get there and the forms are mother father mother father so we you know i would get a fucking sharpie and i you know you're writing mother mother mother mother yeah so they we there's another people that's other family in the waiting room and the kid goes in and both parents go in and i go why are they going in oh and they're like well those are and i said we you know like what right so that that that plus the forms and then i had you know i was so infuriated and so he gets the tonsils and he was staying with me because i'm the better mother all right so anyway he's staying with me after you mean which is the better mom um kidding um no uh so he's staying with me and uh

he go i go out he's like maybe 11 i don't know and i go out he's like oh my god and i said i'm gonna go out and get you some ice cream so i go out to get ice cream. And I remember I was walking on the street and my phone rings. And he's like, Mommy, they just called from the hospital. You know, because they called to say. And they said, is your mother or father home? And I was just like, and I didn't know what to say. And I was just like, fuck. And I wrote to them and I wrote this article for huffington post yeah about how to treat

you know gay families and the president of new york presbyterian wrote to me and apologized and but it's just that kind of shit but then you realize you have kids they have to come out all the time because every kid's like i told your dad you know and they they have to learn how to come out too yeah yeah uh most people don't think about no it's just supposed to be such an uphill battle because everything everything is his mother father for a certain amount of time it must it takes so long crazy like you said like you're like that's 2007 which does not feel 2007 but you think it's was so you know so much has happened i mean you i you know what i was born 17 years after the holocaust yeah that's like nothing well speaking is specifically you mentioned a younger gaze not

knowing like what people have like i think of one of my first i remove i remind people of the holocaust whenever i can i do all the time anytime an argument starts going south i say let me tell you about something right one of my first bosses in new york she's a lesbian she's probably 75 now disgusting and she um she would tell me stories like like when she because she's been in new york her whole life she had to like run out of bars, like in the 60s, you know, like run out and hide from police. Like you're like, it's just, it's wild. I remember I told this on stage a few weeks ago. Cause there were these young gays and like, yeah, no, my parents now.

And I'm like, Oh God, you're welcome. And so I remember, so Sharon's a big executive, right? And when I was, must have been 25, whatever. And she gets this, she has her first big business trip in Amsterdam. And we're, you know, she's like, okay, we're going to go. And we're staying in this big fancy hotel. And she went with another colleague who was straight and married. And we go to this big hotel and she's at a conference for like three days.

And I can't even walk into the hotel with her. I can't be seen with her. I can't even, like, it's like i had to stay clear meanwhile the woman who was with the husband was like well and i would so for this is a work kind of thing yeah it was a hotel okay oh no it was a work thing they couldn't know that you were right i mean we're in amsterdam i'm sure they didn't fucking care but yeah it would be funny with titanic you they're like you told your wife, you can't come in here with me. Because everyone's gay. Yeah, so they couldn't know.

So we would meet somewhere else. But in the mornings when she was with the colleagues in the lobby, sometimes I'd go up to her and be like, hi, are you from the United States? Do you know? And she'd be like, get away from me! Get away from me! But I hung out with the other one's husband, and we just got stoned all day and went to museums. But then he could walk in, and I couldn't be seen with him.

It was ridiculous. Wow. Or she would have gotten fired. Ridiculous. Wow. Or she would have gotten fired. Do you feel like, I think what I've been surprised with politics recently, I think I always had an assumption. And again, I was a theater person, so I feel like I was always near the gay community. And I assumed everything would get more accepting in terms of, at very least people being gay and then it feels like with the

with the the stuff in florida and the gay teachers like this week today or whatever the drag the drag where i've been i think for myself i go oh how stupid of me i believed that uh acceptance of being gay like there was so much i felt like there's so much people must be used to it by now people must be oh my god it happens in new york with the drag thing too but i we had a black president i was like oh my god yes yes we did no what who do they come after when they're you know they come after the jews first and then you know they come after the gays that come after the marginalized that come after the blacks that come after the asian they come after you know it no this we are becoming a religious you know but sometimes it's even without the religion i think i've always been surprised

it's the same way like in russia it's horrible towards gay people, but it's without the religion. And I always find that so fascinating because I always thought religion was the thing that made people homophobic. And it's more like, no, it's a marginalized community. And so it's an easy one to gang up against, I guess. And when it was AIDS, they called it God's revenge and God's, you know, revenge and stuff like that. I mean, no, they hate us. They hate us. They want everyone to be like, you know, woman, man.

First of all, and I used to do, I have this in my show too now because we're writing about when I came out on stage, you know, and how it changed my career. And I used to do this bit about all the people who were allowed to get married and i wasn't and i have that's i could and it was so funny i talk about eric and lyle menendez the menendez brothers killed their fucking parents they're in jail and they both get married and then lyle got divorced and remarried someone else like jerry sandusky major molester more rights than i have mary kayla torno she married her fucking student more rights than i you know and we're not talking about you know when gay people got married it was the no there were more marriages that day than in the history

of new york city and where did they get married at city hall no one's going to a fucking mosque or synagogue or church they're going to get the rights like so they could visit them in the fucking hospital there's a story of these two lessee moms who were at disney world with their kids one of them had a massive stroke and they took her to the um hospital she was in the icu and they wouldn't let the partner in to the room or the kids into the room because they didn't recognize this was gay marriage was passed in the state but not federally and they were like you're not next of kin you're not allowed to go in there and the woman died alone in the fucking oh my god right and that's that's what your state fucking rights yeah it's so hateful like how does me you know

being in a relationship and having to like how does that affect your fucking house that's what i've never understood even the the feeling i always remember my stepfather who's more conservative i mean he's independent who's voted republican forever and you're like okay you hold on to that title you like the word independent but i i just remember as a kid when the the gay marriage stuff was was kind of being talked about more and he was like he was like i don't have any problem with it i just think marriage is between a man and a woman. And even at that age, I was like, what are you talking about?

What do you mean it's made up with just a word? And then you're going to get divorced? It's all about property. It's just about property. Like, why shouldn't... Because wasn't there, wasn't it like, we'll do civil union? Wasn't that a thing at a time? We had, yeah, we had civil, we had, what was it? Domestic partnership. Then civil union wasn't that a thing at a time we had um yeah we had civil you we had what was it

domestic partnership uh-huh then civil union it's like who fuck you like just because you have a penis and you have a vagina yeah you should have more you know your relationship is more valid than mine go fuck yourself i just and i just had this whole argument with uh my brother-in-law and it was you know it was really tense because I get really emotional and it's very painful for me how could you not about yeah about Roe v Wade and about and about you know that you know what I get? It pains me that people who are, who love their in-laws, their nieces, their nephews, their siblings, you know, will vote for someone who doesn't believe they should have the same rights as you because it benefits their pocketbook or some other issue. And it's like, well, that, you know, it's, there's it's like, well, that's not my issue. Yeah, it's not your issue yet. You know, until you realize, oh, my kid's gay.

Oh, my kid's trans. Oh, my, you know, and then you're like, oh. But it's like, I'm your sister. I'm your this. I'm your aunt. I'm your this. I'm your aunt. I'm your... So you're going to vote for that person who wants to take away a woman's right to choose and it doesn't affect you.

That's the hardest part. It feels like such a lack of imagination. To just not be able to just a little bit see oh wouldn't that suck if that was you you know like it's so it's also like if you've never had to stand up for your rights or protest or march you're entitled yeah you know i'm sorry but you are an entitled the fuck is that what's building the fuck is that what's building where's the rest of the apartment is it is that a closet is that the other bedroom that's a bedroom that's a bedroom bathroom so this is the living room so is there a tv here uh there's tv in there if you want to watch something after we can watch a movie and hang out we can have edibles and watch

a movie that would be yeah but it's like yeah it's like people don't you don't think about it because it doesn't affect you in your daily life yeah but when you spend your time like going to just i i don't know i just i how can you not be empathetic? Do you feel like things are going backwards right now? Are you hopeful? Yes. Yeah. It's, I can't believe they,

oh my God. It feels worse, but it's also, there's just probably like, well, there's a lot of gay characters and gay, like it's, it's so far,

it's hard to imagine like, I mean. You know what's really scary for me? That fucking, the, the books, the banning of the books. Yeah. yeah that i don't know if you saw that picture books anymore judy i mean we're all on the internet shut up like i understand like they're doing it probably like well good luck good there's no porn in the library i was still able to find it no no no no no you look at these classrooms in florida and the teachers are literally covering up these

buttons like you're so fucking dumb yeah like sure seriously you don't want to read a book don't read it but don't tell other people you know art is not supposed to be safe it is not safe and you're i'm sorry that buys don't see it you know like the way that DeSantis was mad at Disney because Disney said like, being gay is okay. They said the softest thing they could. But Disney, I think the power of Disney is more powerful than the power of Florida social. And Disney, now that it's a big entertainment,

Disney is always going to be pro-gay at this point, I would imagine. It doesn't matter. You have a governor let making laws sure saying you can't say this you can't disney these kids are going to go watch the daily wire for their fucking animation yeah but there are ramifications of like changing the educational like all those books all the certain parts of history that they're not florida teachers are not allowed to mention now or talk about that does have a trickle-down effect in terms of like it does but what about the valedictorian

who of of his high school who gave a speech and he was supposed to give a speech and he wanted to talk about being gay but he wasn't allowed to so he talked about having curly hair and you know this kind of silencing people yeah it is dangerous and it is it's destructive it's terrible what fucking you the first this is what my whole show is about too but my but it's like you use your first amendment right you're like i don't have to wear a mask and and then you're telling people what books they can fucking read fuck you you fucking asshole oh yeah oh here we go uh i hate that fucking ron desantis i know he's gonna be the next president it's very no he's not oh you you're not scared i'm that's the number one i'm scared because people think like he's like oh he's not crazy like trump exactly, but he also has no personality.

And I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I can't believe Trump was ever president. I can't. I just. You can see the personality with him, though. You can see.

Did you ever work with Trump back in the day? No, I interviewed him. I used to do the show on HBO at the Multiplex with Judy Gold. And it was on for 10 years. And I would interview people at the multiplex with judy gold and it was it was on for 10 years and i would interview people at the movie theater it was on in between the movies on hbo and what and we would go to these multiplexes and i would interview people as they were coming out of the theater and someone just wrote to me about this remember what and i was at this theater and donald trump and i think melania came in and i went over and said hey what are you seeing today and he was such a

dick and a half but he was like oh you're tall i'm like i hate you yeah what movie was he saying i don't fucking know it had to be a movie he was in like home alone too i've seen home i think it was oh like he was going they those two were going to a theater that was like just for them do you know what i mean sure yeah so they had you know reserved the theater there was just a clip the other day it was like i think i think melania took it as trump listening to taylor swift in the car and it's just wild to think him getting to enjoy that thing. He doesn't enjoy anything. What are you fucking talking about?

What if he loves Taylor Swift? He doesn't love anything. I think he really likes Elton John. It's that kind of shit where I'm like, okay, well then you can't you can't you can't you can't you can't enjoy it it all hates you you know what about when they play these songs that they're i know and then the people are like cease and desist yeah but you're never gonna stop it it's some it's one of those things like well good luck they're gonna play it they're gonna play it that that's the price for being so popular that you become a multi-multi-millionaire is is evil people are gonna use their songs yeah

uh but it is funny to see trump doing ymca that was one that he did yeah and it's like all these republicans doing ymca and you're like i can't i can't i think i think he did do you hear the people sing at one point incredible i hate him. I fucking hate him. Well, since we're gearing towards the end, tell us about the show since we're kind of talking about it. Hey, now. It's called Yes, I Can Say That. It's based on my book.

Well, it's like my book coming to life. I wrote this book, Yes, I Can Say That, when they come for the comedians, we're all in trouble, which is all about free speech and a lot of history of stand-up. And it's about free speech through the perspective of a comedian and this show i mean it's a lot more personal um but it's really about you know it's funny but it's also about how the how if you shut down comedy and satire that's the end of free speech. That's it.

All we're trying to do is make you laugh. That's it. And we tell the truth. And you can't shut down comedy. I mean, and you think back in history, it was the comedians that were telling the truth about the Third Reich. And Hitler passed this treachery act where you weren't allowed to joke or about anything. Or you would get killed. You would be killed.

Because humor is such a weapon. Yeah. Like, fucking orange fuckface couldn't even go to the White House Correspondents Dinner. Yeah. You know? And he wanted the DOJ to investigate SNL. You know, it It's fucking no. Do you think it's hard as a comedian to say,

let comedians talk about what they want to talk about, that then you do open the door, obviously, to comedians who are going to be virulently homophobic, racist, transphobic. Is it a challenge to hold on to your values but still say free speech is the most important thing i think it free speech you have to get the haters you can't shut anyone down you can't you're also like they're showing who they are right exactly so you're like you know who those people are like okay i'm not gonna go to that you know like that's who their base is.

I think comedians had a struggle with that at some point where they just didn't know. I think with Chappelle, it's the same thing. There's liberal-minded comedians who go like, fuck this guy. All right, then don't listen to him. Yeah, of course. I mean, I think Dave's funny. Did I like what he said? You know, no, I don't like everything that fucking comes out of his mouth.

Yeah. Yeah. But there are people, there are people, I mean, you can't silence people. Yeah. They were annoyed with SNL thing. And I was like, I was like, there's worse. I don't know. I thought it was fine.

For the most part. There were a couple of things that there are a couple of things like that's not funny and it's not true, but whatever. Yeah. But, you know, there's plenty of hateful horrible massage you don't the shit i listened to in the 80s when i was doing stand-up oh my god you can't even imagine um the shit about women and fags and dykes and you know it was just awful you should see his act now yeah shut up but yeah it was and and then to go back 20 years and say you said this 20 years ago yeah yeah the world has changed

it's changed we're you know we want people to evolve i hate that in any community where you're like yeah but 20 years ago you said this about gay people it's like but they evolve like we're here to make you evolve yes and and then when they do you can't bring up it's like being in a relationship with someone who's always bringing up old fucking shit that you already resolved so i do believe yeah but you can't when once you stop you know the discourse then there's no evolution like if you stop discussing things or talking about things or yeah i believe in all i even if i hate what the person's saying i think you cannot that's what the first amendment is except i have a problem with lying and inciting violence you know that kind of stuff yeah i have an issue with you know these people

who legislate we're just telling jokes these people who are legislators are saying things that are just not fucking true yeah um and inciting violence and killing people that i don't i saw we were just watching before you came here, Mike Lindell, the MyPillow guy. Oh God. But Jimmy Kimmel had him on the show and he like put him in a, tried to embarrass him. He only would conduct the interview, he was in one of those claw machines, literally. They put him in the claw machine, had kids playing with it as he was doing the interview.

And there's a part of it where I'm like okay i get the intention here and the embarrassment and they're like look at this huck this uh this what's it called um con man yeah but on the other hand i go okay so let me get this straight we believe this person uh wanted to help incite the overthrowing of the government. And in my mind, I'm like, you know, going to the camps. This is the guy who would go kill that group, gas that group. I'll fuck her. We're saying that this is the kind of evil within this person.

And we're going to have him on the show. We're going to have him on the show. To dehumanize him. Yeah, but we all know that a spotlight's a spotlight. And honestly, especially on network TV tv i don't think you're dehumanizing them quite sufficiently right given what you're doing and the fact that he would agree to that i mean that's the point you're in on it with each other right but it's also you want to do an interview and and and a

group of of people get to shit on his face like that. Like something so humiliating. Right. But this is kind of cutesy. It's cutesy. Right. It's funny. Right. And he's still making money off the backs of idiots.

Right. Who still support him. So don't, if he's this bad, you wouldn't have, you know, Goebbels on the show. Oh, right. Because you think, well, let me make Goebbels look like a real dum-dum. Put him in a vending machine. I think it's a weird thing that

these celebrities in the liberal and the conservative spheres that kind of play around. And I'm like, okay, then you're not taking it fucking seriously. Right. It's like when Fallon had Trump on. It was dangerous. But it was also like... No politicians. if i ran a show

i'd say we can't have politicians on the show i would have like historians or something yeah yeah but i wouldn't even have on the ones because you have on this one then the republicans go well you got to have one of these okay one of these and suddenly you let ted cruz tell a cute story on your your show yeah he's a piece of and the. And the constant, I mean, I hate George Santos so much, but it's constant. Which I think is in a way good because, you know, they're getting the truth out. But I think he loves it. He's loving every fucking... Is there any degree of like

you know what we had to have some gay politicians who were monsters you know he's like he's like part of progress but also part of progress and also the fact that he is not who he says he is and you're not saying they don't say a fucking thing

do you know if he was a democrat they'd be like get the fuck out of here right now yeah it's just um all right let's go on uh we're running out of time let's go on to our blessing you better count your blessing do you sing in this show too? No Russell, do you have a blessing? Yeah, it's real quick I just got back from New Orleans

It was a great trip I loved it And I want to just A quick thank you to I don't know She probably doesn't listen But Well, she said she does

But, you know My friend Emily Doley She always takes such good care of us While we're there She picks us up from the airport She brings king cakesley, she always takes such good care of us while we're there. She picks us up from the airport. She brings king cakes. She just really always is, and she shows us the best places.

So I'm thankful for her. She's a great friend, and she is just a great New Orleans person that I'm very thankful for. I'll do a shout out. I was in LA taping something for this thing called Don't Tell. Was not happy with the set. Had a very big meltdown. And my younger sister, who's a dancer, left me a very sweet voice memo the next day. Just a very sweet, supportive, you're fine message. message and it's you know when your siblings get old enough that they can really be parental in a way for a moment to make you feel good she just left me a very sweet message and she's the only sibling of mine in the arts but it was very nice

to get that from her so thank you Katie thank you Kate wait do I have to do one yeah what is it called a blessing something specific we've complained a lot we're like a nice oh all right well um i just want to say last night i facetimed ben at college and he was on the phone with his girlfriend and he added me in to the facetime oh and she goes to binghamton and he goes to trinity and we the three of us like hung out last night that's very i'm from near binghamton that's like that's big i understand like that he didn't just not pick up the phone he's like oh mommy okay hold on i'm getting samantha and like, we're going to all hang out together. I love this.

If I was on the phone with someone and I just brought in my mom, she'd be like, oh, what the fuck is going on? She'd be cool, but I don't think it would be a great conversation. Right. Yeah. And also, I talk to Henry a lot, and his girlfriend never is like, get off the phone with your mother yeah you know what i mean well it is cool you're a successful comedian you know there's a there's like it's not just

like a you know what i mean like it's like there's a cool component she's just a polaris teacher complain about me it's like no mommy oh you know what i do You know he has practice And all that and I call it rehearsal And like you know He Whatever I use all art terms during his For his sports shit Well that's nice a good phone call I tried calling Russell last night

I called you back You called me You know I have some friends who like to. You called me. Phone calls with Russell. You don't have some friends who like to talk on the phone. He called me at 7.15. The show starts at 7. I'm going to call you back in the two hours I'm in Europe. He's on stage for 30 seconds.

You'll see. Shut the fuck up. I'm not. I'm on stage a lot. And then I'm not going to call you before I get on the train home. No, it's not that. It's not about the win. I called you back at 10.15.

No, what's funny is when you're on the phone, you can tell that you're looking for the wrap-up within the first couple minutes. Yeah. We've never had a phone call that's gone over 10 minutes, max. I'm sorry. I can feel myself pulling more things out of you. I just can't believe you guys talk on the phone. I love talking on the phone.

So do I. I thought your generation doesn't talk on the phone. Listen, I talked to you for an hour and a half yesterday and an hour and a half today on this podcast. Not the same. I didn't have like, you know, like. You're one of those, how was New Orleans? Good. I mean, it's fucking.

It's a night. Well, I'll tell you. He doesn't give you anything. I want to go see that show. I'm so excited. Please come. That'll run forever, don't'll run forever It's going to be running forever Are you going to stay there? He's going to be there a long time

I'm going to stay there until at least May We'll see what happens All Downside listeners Russ couldn't give you free tickets I wish I had free tickets You can't do that Do you know how many people They think you can I had free tickets. You can't do that. Do you know how many people are like,

they're like, oh, we want to come opening night. I'm like, I get two tickets for opening night and they're not going to you. Okay. Like they think you, it's like you're, all the time.

It's a door deal. So I'd like you to pay me 30% off though. Really? Yeah. Send me a DM and I'll give you 30% off. Yeah. All right. You heard that here. Downside listeners, 30% off. That's a good deal. I have a DM and I'll give you 30% off. Yeah. All right. You heard that here.

Downside listeners, 30% off. That's a good deal. I think I have a friends and family promo code. I wish we had talked. We would have made this a Patreon exclusive, but great. Offer for free. Wait, I'm going to sneeze. This is...

Okay, that's it. I usually have like salmon, but yeah. This is the downside. Oh, wait. No, I forgot to do plugs. I take plugs i take it back oh my god what would you like to plug when is this on when is this on march 7th we're releasing march 7th to time fuck all right okay so march 7th i will be in previews my show is in previews at 59E59 Street Theaters. Yes, I can say that. Come.

Please come. It's running until April 16th. And get my book. Yes, I can say that when they come for the comedians. We're all in trouble. Great. What would you like to plug?

Titanic at the Daryl Roth Theater. Eight shows a week. Come see it Great Join the Patreon Patreon.com Slash Downside What was that?

I forgot one thing Oh go for it Yeah I have a podcast called Kill Me Now Yes Please Fucking listen to it

Okay Thank you Five Spots And whenever you talk about Something Jewish You ding about Yeah I do You have to do my podcast Have you done my podcast? No I haven't Oh you have to do my podcast. Have you done my podcast?

No, I haven't. Oh, you have to do my podcast. Judy, I'd love to do your podcast. So we have a Houston show. Whatever you want. We have a Houston show, remember? Yeah, but we don't have the day yet, right? I know.

You know, fuck. Okay, so down to the listeners. I'm going to be headlining in Hartford, Connecticut, March 11th. Comedy Fort, Fort Collins, March 17th and 18th. And then the weekend after that, Russell and I will be doing a live podcast in Houston as part of our first festival, doing a live show. But otherwise, find me online for all my upcoming touring dates.

And I was trying to time it with your sneeze last time. I usually sneeze like seven times in a row. It's so annoying. This is the downside. One,. This is The Downside. One, two, three. Downside. You're listening to The Downside. The Downside.

With Gianmarco Ceresi.