The Downside with Gianmarco Soresi - #128 Everybody is 100% Right with Robby Hoffman

Episode Date: March 14, 2023

Comedian Robby Hoffman joins to discuss the downsides of monogamy, polyamory, recycling, pepper spray, Broadway’s love of straight men wearing dresses, and having a dollar from The Rebbe. You can watch full video of this episode HERE! Join the Patreon for ad-free episodes, exclusive content, and MORE. Follow Robby Hoffman on Instagram and Twitter Get tickets to see Robby in a city near you! Follow Gianmarco Soresi on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, & YouTube Subscribe to Gianmarco Soresi's email & texting lists Check out Gianmarco Soresi's bi-monthly show in NYC Get tickets to see Gianmarco Soresi in a city near you Watch Gianmarco Soresi's special "Shelf Life" on Amazon Follow Russell Daniels on Twitter & Instagram See Russell in Titanique in NYC! E-mail the show at [e-mail] Produced by Paige Asachika & Gianmarco Soresi Video edited by Dave Columbo Special Thanks Tovah Silbermann Part of the Authentic Podcast Network Original music by Douglas Goodhart Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Oh, that's the sound we like to start. The Downside with Welcome to the Downside. I'm here with my co-host, Russell Daniels. Russell, how are you doing? I'm good. How are you? I'm fine. Why? I'm fine.

Well, I was getting my notepad to tell you why it was. Oh, my God. I have a bag of carrots in my. Loose carrots? No, it's baby carrots. I always put them in a bag and I'm like I'll eat them tonight in between sets Why are you giving me a look it's baby carrots It's too big of a bag to take with you

And nobody like that's what you like to eat He went orange for a bit He was eating too many carrots his hands were orange So when I was a baby apparently Babies are very susceptible to whatever Is the orange ingredient in carrots And my mom fed me a lot of carrots And so the babies can

turn a little bit orange yeah and that's what happened to me no i was talking about when i've known you like like five years ago you were eating so many carrots your hands were orange you see the bag of these a day so you still and you eat them plain uh yeah i like to nibble it's more about the nibbling i've always been a nibbler i was a pen biter i used to be a shirt sucker i remember when baby carrots came out when did they come out i didn't know it was that recent they didn't used to exist i feel like we didn't i mean maybe we were so poor my mother you know you wanted a baby carrot we had a massive carrot that she would cut up and still two big pieces and it never was appetizing and then this came out with a little bit of ranch people started doing yeah and that's when i started getting turned on i said okay you're throwing in some ranch

you know we're making a situation here now this is this is something i can get behind you know so i'll do it with peanut butter but i just like you'll do carrots and weird weird what the fuck what's wrong with that you can do celery and peanut butter. Carrots in peanut butter is weird. I don't think it's weird at all. Wait, what about- You can't do carrots in peanut butter. No. What's that dish?

That's celery with the ants on a log. Yeah, that's celery. That's celery. But you can do it with peanut butter. Listen. I don't do fuck all with peanut butter. I made a whole notepad with all my notes for today. Peanut butter's for you.

What the fuck? No, but it's not- Russell, you talk for a second. What am I talking about? Your bathroom. And not to get into it. Not to get into it. It's really, to get into that flusher, you've got to really, first of all, Russell, good luck to you.

My hand is as small as they come. It's as small as they come it's as small as they come you gotta squeeze in there because i was always the kid that i could get into stuff yeah like oh there's something stuck my mother would call me behind the fridge so that's me and i felt i was brought back i'm like oh i'm to flush like we need a lever first of, everybody who went to the button, not to make a Seinfeld bit off the top, but it's so... Who went with the button? I don't want to touch.

I want to kick a lever with my fucking foot. I'm not trying to get the new COVID. I think the best airplanes, sometimes they have the pedal. You don't even have to kick. You just put a pedal down by the thing. No, I'm saying, yeah, let's bring that back. Sure.

Why are we going back to, like, button is so, I got to get in your toilet now? Yeah. And I have to choose the water with the button. I'm always doing two. I do both. You do both. I do both.

I do both, too. No matter what. I don't need problems. I'm not learning your toilet. One water is for the pee. I'm not learning. No, no, no. I don't want to have to learn or look. I'm not learning your toilet. I don't want to have to learn. I'm not learning. No, no, no. I don't want to have to learn or look.

I'm pushing both. Always. Any kind of feeling that can make me feel like I'm doing good in the world. Never. No. If you're giving that up. If I'm not doing anything. You're not doing anything.

You're doing zero. Yes, you are. I have to tell you. You're figuring a toilet for no reason. It's, I, yeah. If it's yellow, do you let it mellow at your home? No. No.

I flush it. I flush. I live my life. I flush. I live my life. I enjoy. I do not recycle. I don't do anything anymore. If companies aren't doing it, you better believe I'm not doing it. If you want a top-down approach, fucking leave.

You want top-down, trickle-down? I'll wait. I'll wait. Give me something to trickle down. But so far, you're giving me hoarding, and that's where I'm going. I'm not recycling. I'm not separating. They showed me one video of the recycling truck going to the dump.

Oh, yeah. Same with the... I said, okay. You got me. You got me. Fool me once. You show me who you are i never forget my landlord is like um we have so many we have so many diagrams in our recycling room for like

and he is a shamer one time i didn't break down the box of diet cokes properly he took a photo posted it publicly it's still there saying this is not a broken down box that's defamation this is this and then then the photo of him doing it properly a photo of him like he did a photo shoot like no no he said make sure you get the action motion broke it down better and then posted that photo too being like this is how you have to do so it's like it's a whole wall of like of like instructions for for trash Okay, if you're drinking a can, Diet Coke, and you're with someone, do you wait to put it in a recycling thing out of shame?

I'll put it on the street. I do not. When I go up to order something, and I picked it up, and I get my own water, I press zero, print, I don't tip a cent. I want 15% back. If I do the work, I've come to you. Nothing has happened.

You think I'm clicking 22%? No, your boss ought to pay you. The rent's got to be lower. The oligopoly on the rental market needs to stop so they can afford the rent, so they can afford to pay their employees properly you will not levy this on me i've hired nobody today this is the downside you're listening to the downside with john marco cerezi well robbie thank you for sharing your

uh environmental philosophy with us the breaking down the boxes is also something like they've gotten i pay for garbage i live in l.a now we pay for garbage what does that mean you pay for garbage i think it's 50 a month 54 a month really you pay for sewage and garbage this is what's on the bill okay sewage and garbage this is what's on the bill okay they they gotta break down the boxes for 54 a month yeah you you do that okay pay them they're getting enough money if they're getting 54 for me you better believe they have enough money to pay these guys extra to break down the boxes but they're hoarding the money and then they shame us yeah and take pictures and put them on the thing yeah yeah i mean uh yeah And I don't think,

I don't know why my landlord, it's like, it's a strange thing. I don't think he, I don't think he's getting in trouble with the sanitation people. I think he just is like a stickler. Does that make sense? Yeah.

Yeah. Well, we're very excited to have you. I want to complain about one thing and then we can go deep. I did a casino gig this weekend. Happened. I know. It was rough.

Roar. Where? Roar. At Springfield, Massachusetts. Oh. It was a casino gig. It was in a big castle. Huge ceilings.

That's what you like for comedy. Love that. Somewhere for all the laughs to go. Echoey. Way, way up there. I wish echoey, just to bounce off a couple of these. It had a, you know, some kind of heckler thing.

She got mad about a gun joke. I had a joke about Smith & Wesson. One of the punchlines of all, Smith & Wesson, which is a brand of gun. Turns out Springfield, Massachusetts is where Smith & Wesson started. And everyone's family,

everyone's family member worked at Smith & Wesson. They've been dependent on it for their entire lives. One woman got mad. She left. And on stage I started getting a paranoia I said she's going to her gun she's gonna go get a gun she's gonna shoot me oh my god and it just it seized it seized me on stage and you know I'm performing stand-up over here and in my head I'm having an

anxiety attack and I'm like trying to talk myself down but the lights are bright I can't see anything I keep looking at the door did Did she say anything before she left? Why didn't you just say that out loud? So I kind of did. And the security guard, like, in the back of the room, he's sitting.

And he kind of like, waves like this. Like, you know, like, don't worry, I got it. And I'm like, you know, this guy, he's not making it to the door in time.

Yeah. She could shoot through the glass. Did she say anything when she left? Like, she made it known that she's leaving? Yeah, she, we had a little, like, she made fun of my ass she said i had no ass and i said i said

you're gonna have to do better than that i i talk about that's my next bit i was about to go into who cares if a guy doesn't have an ass i want to have an ass really bad what are you gay no come on okay this girl first of all who cares if your whole family likes got like my whole family could die in the holocaust and you can make fun of it. Sure, yeah. Like, I don't understand like what you think you're immune to hearing a joke about something you like. Yeah. It's so weird.

It's like non-binary people, fine, whatever. Can't take what were the last community to be able to laugh? Since when can't you make fun of people? Uh-huh. It's obscene. This lady and and the guns that's really a stretch but but i have you ever been i just got that so after the show the security guard i didn't get shot and i went to the security guard and he was like he was like oh man you made me do my job tonight and i i was i was a little i was a little angry there's just a degree where i was like, yeah, buddy, that's the job.

I'm sorry that you have to do this job, but I'm on stage. When you're on stage, it's not brave to be on stage, but the lights are in your face. You don't know what's going on. You want to feel like you have one person on the lookout. Gian Marco, you can have it both ways.

He made a joke, and you did not take the joke no but he didn't say it like okay you know you heard that you made me do my job he didn't say you made me do my job tonight you know what i mean no but then he got mad and then he got mad this is not a guy who's done his job he he literally it was when i was on stage it was when he was seated when he was seated and i said on stage i'm worried that woman's gonna uh shoot me and somebody on just like't worry, we got your back. And again, I'm like, no, you don't. No, you don't.

You're just saying that. You're not taking a bullet for me. I didn't do that well tonight. Yeah. So, but I'm confused. So she didn't come back. No, she didn't come back. She just left.

She just left. How long were you spiraling for then? I had like a five minute on stage where I've had it happen a couple of times where I feel like an audience member's mad at me they've left and in my head I'm like have they ever come back has there any ever shot me no that's yet to happen but you know once in a while they come back okay but like I don't know there's just sometimes you're in a place this wasn't the south but there's sometimes you're in a place where there's guns and I just have a paranoia yeah and I like to push it and then and then i get scared on stage i have anxiety okay what are you

what do i say to something like that you have anxiety have you ever been worried that someone's gonna attack you on stage though i i'm only worried you're only worried from the day from the second i wake up all i feel is Sure. I'm very comfortable being worried. I got used to it. Maybe I'll get there someday. Yeah, just, you know what it is? Get comfortable in the fear, comfortable in the worry, and then it's fine.

Anything could happen at any time, and that's that. If I was a political figure, I'd be scared of getting shot all the time. Oh, yeah. If I started getting death threats. Yeah, and they do. It's surprising they don't get shot. It is.

Do you know what I mean? The amount of guns that we have. Pete Buttigieg is on the street, but I saw him walking the other day. No, it's like crazy. It's like, maybe we don't have enough guns. It makes me think, like, what's the conspiracy here? Well, who would that guy? There was three guns in the 50s, and John F. Kennedy was killed.

I don't even know if that's 50s, 60s. I don't know when. 63, yeah. Three guns back then, something. And one got him. Now we have about a billion, a million public officials, more than ever before. And I feel like the government in 60s was 10 people

yeah you had when i performed first when i sang for george bush uh you sang for george i was in a christmas choir in high school and we sang for like the white house i love that and george bush came up to like shake people's hands at the end and you saw the snipers in the balconies and i know that each person he shook their hand it's like right on them just in case it's very scary it's awesome i i did a as many people know listening i walked in new york fashion week really uh this past september you know i was dressed head to toe and os de la Venta. It happens. It happens. Sure. I've got a great figure.

A lot of people don't know this about me. I keep it covered. I do okay. No, it was a comedy show slash fashion show with Susan Alexander. They rented the comedy cellar and they did a big, big event. And the real, real dressed us and she showed off her accessories and everything that she had in the fashion show so her models were comedians not just any comedians comedians who could cut it okay gianmarco with your flat ass and this L, what's his name? Not Hoffman, but we got a Hoffman, M. Hoff.

Okay, so Kamala Harris's husband, which is the first Jew we got into the White House. We're like the Jews are in. Of course, we would have the first Jewish person to be the first husband. This would be us. It's like the most, okay, got it what do you want yeah yeah we have the first lady the boy that's us that's us yeah and then he's got two kids one of the kids

l m hoff was there fancy fancy she's a model she's a model you've seen they were they're making fun of her i've not seen because people say listen was she a model before Kamala was like that she was not? Okay. Kamala gets a, am I saying she's a Nepo model? I'm not saying nothing. I don't care. Okay. But she seemed lovely enough, but she had secret service.

Oh. Sure. And it was funny because we went to the, you don't think I got into the after party after I actually wasn't on the list and then a million people knew me then. I'm like, Robbie, come in. I'm like, I don't think I'm on the official list i didn't sign something i got in and we're now in the circle she's knows friends of friends where i'm in a mutual circle with l i'm the whole time i'm not in i'm looking at the secret service guys who are dressed in like party outfits one guy's got like you know that short sleeve button down with the flames on it he's

wearing that to try and undercover yeah so there's two but they're massive they're built like fridges so they're on undercover we're all tiny okay ostensibly most of the people here are models sure okay and then you've got two bit two massive and that wasn't it so they were the ones kind of around the party and you could see they had like that curly wire behind their ear yeah but i tried to make talk with them i'm like it's a good service you know and i well you could see ella emma hoffen or they were like slowly distancing from me but i was so they will not talk to you or they kind of will but they're like on the fucking lookout and then they have two others posted at least that i saw that they make communication with

over the party like some was on like the there was like a balcony one was on and he was dressed more formally the ones on the ground in the party pit had to wear and the other ones were posted and they all had a communication going what's the point of the disguise if you're not gonna then be able to talk and like have he may just not have liked me oh okay okay he was just lying about the secret service yeah yeah no i'm i'm on duty right now actually i'm sorry yeah and also it's like i I'm outing him. Like, okay, everybody's being cool, but me. Everybody's like, oh, to hell I am. I can't be cool.

I'm like, when's the next time I'm going to see Secret Service? I don't know. I got to get in what I can now so I can have myself an experience. I don't care about that. For me, I got to talk to Secret Service. That's what I want to do. I'd rather have a Secret Service on the podcast than a model. Same. Oh, same. That's it. That's what I wanna do. I'd rather have a secret service on the podcast than a model. Same.

Oh, same. Oh my God. That's it. Yeah. That's, only comedians would get in trouble. That's why you can't have comedians at fashion show anymore

because we're all, we're like, We shouldn't have comedians at anything, really. I'm doing, I'm doing some, some like TV press thing in San Diego

and my only thought is like, how do I like, tell like a really inappropriate joke on this TV thing? Having a comedian anywhere is a bad idea. Yeah. You know just to do something to do something fun yeah and they they think I'm gonna go there sit there hi how are you you never have a comedian anywhere well what is the thing they obviously want you to be you oh yeah but you know what I mean but maybe they didn't do any research they just want me to go there and promote the shows that night what show oh the shows that you're on.

Yeah. And I was like, you know, like Sam Morrell would do. Believe me, they want you to say something inappropriate. Yeah. But if you didn't, that would be crazy. If you were like, they're like, we got you. We got nothing doing on this show. That's the reverse. That's all

these days. I'll just do my job. Yeah. Russell, you texted me I want to talk about your someone on one of your oh yeah so Russell's in an

off-Broadway show called Titanic right now oh my god yeah and it's going well but so we didn't this interview

for a magazine and which magazine them them magazine and I'm looking to be

on the cover of that one at some point. So it was an interview with me and one of the other actors, Rosé the Drag Queen. And this person, so they posted on Instagram, and this person posts this thing. Well, tell people who you play in this show. Okay, so I play uh it's a parody of titanic the movie i'm featuring all celine dion music i play um uh ruth who is the mom of rose

so it's like very much written for a man to play a drag performance thing. Do you consider it a drag performance? Yeah. I'm playing a woman. Sure. But I don't think, I don't think, well, I'll get it. So I'll read the thing

and then I'll say what I think. I think, I have to find it because I sent it to. So what are you wearing in this? You're wearing. I'm wearing pants, blouse,

pearls, and then like a head thing. Like a head, like a couple birds. So, this person they come into the thing and they and they say broadway loves a man in a dress trope roll eye roll eye roll eyes and i the the the the thing is like first of all i'm not wearing a dress second of all it's i don't feel like i'm doing the thing of like being like hey look at

how funny this is like look i'm being a woman isn't that silly like i'm feel like i'm playing like it like it's a woman like i feel like i'm not yeah and so it's just this annoying thing where i feel like it's a really easy thing to say that and like but you're we live in a gotcha here's the whole thing there's nothing there's no nuance there's nothing okay are you being a high crime die like no you're you're honoring you're doing the right you know what i mean it's like everything is its own circumstance yeah and everybody wants to go if you do this thing this is wrong it's like things are complicated sometimes it's just just look at intent yeah yeah it's like we look

at it for murder did this person mean to kill somebody no so they're fine if you meant to kill somebody you're dead we don't look at it for anyone we don't get intention anywhere else are you paying an amazing character nathan lane start do something amazing yes stop stop on behalf of who did a woman write you this or a man uh both it's a it's a the uh the three people wrote the show and two no no i'm saying who the oh um i don't know their their pronouns but uh it it's it's just it's so seemingly a man yeah and and you can't that's even worse okay but you can't people expect to be included in everything people expect that they can't be mad about stuff it's like an uber we can't even have a a scene like a slightly uncomfortable experience anymore yeah okay people you get into an uber it stinks yeah i'm gonna report him just you had a stink right yeah for fuck's sake

but i think there's this thing this is people i mean for when tootsie was on broadway tootsie the musical there was kind of this complaint or this re-evaluation of like i think what there's a long trope of a man straight man in dress yeah uh funny and everyone goes and laughs and and there's just with some of those shows it's the it's what the premise of the thing is like in tootsie or in i think the current version of like some like it hot the the thing is they're dressing up as women to disguise themselves and then they have jokes in there that are like isn't this funny that there have to be dressed that's different than than i'm playing the whole show i'm playing a woman it's the idea that you're like mocking it that you're mocking you're mocking a

straight man who would be put on a dress or or someone who was born a man but like that's the idea is that you're and i'm like that's not true and it's a different thing being trans and cross dressing being trans and playing playing a character of a woman when you got the role, because you got the role, and it adds an element to the role, it's different. These are all different things, and if you can't look at them different,

then you can't have the conversation. Everything- And also the breaking down, having someone do that, breaking, shaking these things up is I think ultimately a good thing, whether it's someone putting on a dress in a show or something else.

We're all just like, you enjoy playing this character. By the way, there's no right, there's no wrong. Of course. Here's the thing. Everybody is right. Whenever I hear from one argument, I go, you know what? They're 100% right. And then I hear from the other side, I go, you know what?

They're 100% right. So everybody, some people are going to like it. Some people are not gonna like it yeah period that's absolutely everything it's i don't care about it this moron cares about it yeah to me so i'm not i don't agree with them but i'm also fine with that yeah my biggest theater like by early theater in third grade in french class we did streganona do you know streganona no it's a famous kids book and i played uh it's like streganona will only teach the secret soup recipe to women sounds like a famous italian yeah yeah because i like he's like you know this i'm like i know and so my character anthony goes i want to learn how to make the soup

uh she says only to women so i put on a dress And third grade This crushed Yeah There's a degree Where it's like I don't think people saw Me put on that dress And that's where Their homophobia arose

That's where it came from Yeah And for anything For me Putting on that dress Even if I don't wear a dress I got to express myself It's fun

Yeah I get to explore A feminine side That in many ways The binary world Doesn't let me explore I think everybody Should try on a dress This should have been Telling to my family I get to explore a feminine side that in many ways the binary world doesn't let me explore in other avenues.

I think everybody should try and address... This should have been telling to my family, but every Purim, which is a Jewish holiday where we dress up, I would go as a man because I could wear my brother's suit, da-da-da, and I loved it. I put mascara on my face as a beard um fine but it's like who cares and and it's fun and dressing up is still really fun yeah and if you dress in a way that you don't typically dress every day it's fun to have that experience sometimes put on a caftan whatever it is a moo moo yeah i don't understand we've gotten so crazy because there

are people who are hateful about it but it doesn't mean everybody is yeah yeah and you have to just know that as a grown-up yeah like i i don't i can't think like a child anymore i can't yeah i'm like okay you can tell if somebody is making fun of a woman and you could tell when somebody is having fun yeah yeah making fun of and having fun to me that's that yeah sure i don't i don't think it's i don't think it's meant to but sometimes because because it it feels like the thing of like the my definition has to become small or like no you're you're identifies he him you're a man you're you know you have to be that way always

like you're not like allowed to experiment with that kind of thing and so it feels like then it feels more not experiment but you know what I'm saying it feels like explore things it feels like just limit it you can experiment you can experiment yeah exactly so it just feels like you can experiment yeah you don't even have you can yes experiment

yes yeah exactly so okay it just feels like you didn't take this role from yeah I it's

it's well let me just say that's this French show that I did so it did so well at the middle school assembly that they said you know what

we got to bring this to the upper middle school assembly so they they brought this play that we had performed for got to bring this to the upper middle school assembly. So they brought this play that we had performed for kindergarten. They're going to take it to middle schoolers, and you're in third grade. So I performed it for the kindergarten to fourth grade.

Killed, murdered. I feel like I'm a star. They go, we're transferring this. We're transferring this to the fifth through eighth grade. We put on this show for fifth and eighth graders. Now I'm younger than everyone I'm performing for. And it bombed so fucking hard it was like an early memory

where I was like what is going on they all laughed and now no one's laughing and I swear I'm doing the same thing well because they understood you were making fun of women

at that age and so it's not funny it's not funny yeah no what I was gonna say when we talked to Dusty Ray Bottoms so it's not funny oh god it's not funny yeah I uh no we I was what I was gonna say

when we talked to Dusty Ray Bottoms about uh the straight person who did RuPaul's Drag Race and it was like a big kerfuffle and it was like you know you're taking up with this space

and I'm like I don't know I don't think straight people are taking over drag race anytime soon let this let this guy go yeah yeah yeah

but what do I know it's we're all take up whatever anytime soon. Let this guy go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But what do I know? We're all, take up whatever, the whole take up space thing, it's like we're here for about a minute. Yeah.

Yeah. Don't worry, we'll clear the space soon. Get your life. We'll be six feet under soon and you can have the space back. Get your life. Yeah.

You know, I went backstage SNL with some friends and my friend, you know, Marcelo, shoutL, with some friends. My friend, Marcello, shout out, fucking killing. And I said, I'm sitting in the room, and the dresser goes, you want to see? I go, yeah, you better believe it.

By the end of the night, I'm poking in here. I'm like, is that Scarlett Johansson? I'm getting my fill. If I'm never invited back, fine. I got my experience. I took up what I need to take up. Everybody take up. It doesn't mean that you should take up less.

Like it's, I don't know that space is even finite in that way. Like a, not theological, like a metaphorical space. It's interesting to me that we're like like that there's like now a level on it which i understand why i understand both but i also think it could not exist and it does exist not to get too philosophical but it's just guys we're here till what? Men, 78. Women, 83 on average. Yeah. That's it. Nobody, that's it.

Well, that space argument, I think, comes with casting. And there's a degree where it's like, it's not like they were going to give it to you if they didn't give it to Russell. Right. There's a degree of like, they picked you to do the thing that they wanted to put on. Right. Well, it's like like i got into a big festival just for laughs a big deal on the trail you talked about your play i'm gonna talk about

this okay yeah your third grade play whatever it was where you were fucking transphobic i have to hear transphobia at 10 in the morning. Anyway, I get into the festival and it was the year that a festival that the head of the festival raped a bunch of people. Something happened. Oh yes. I don't think it all happened in that year, but no, over many years,

but it comes out crazy year where the head of J. He's a pervert. Something happens. Okay. People, some other female comics and whatever i hate even saying that but they denounce their spots they're not gonna do the festival i go what and so a dude is gonna take a spot i didn't rape no one yeah i raped zero people. The dude and maybe some other dudes raped some people. I can tell you for sure who didn't rape.

Really any of the female comics, okay? With at least rapey on the thing, okay? And now I'm going to give up my spot as a queer girl for some... No. Yeah. No, why would I lose money? I should be the one working yeah they should take his money and split it up give us extra tip yeah something like i don't even understand the concept of taking myself it's kind of like what you're saying are they going to give that spot to another girl now are they going to just fill it with there's more guys in this thing still so they're just going to

get another guy i could have gotten in that year if you had dropped you could have gotten in but like i was like the last step i was like so then you're gonna totally like if there's no then then people go to the shows and there aren't like let me take up space yeah i didn't rape anyone like i don't why am i being punished yeah why is it on women to step back okay if dudes who are also rapists feel some guilt about that go you know what i raped a couple years ago i'm gonna step this one out fine but why did you put it on the innocent women i don't even understand yeah yeah it's all backwards i'm like just give more women who didn't rape and then if a couple guys have a guilty conscious about it and want to step down, fine. Sure.

Yeah. Go there. Make jokes about the guy. It was so weird. I'm like, no, I'm going. You better believe. What am I going to tell my family? Some guy who I assume is a pervert anyway.

When somebody tells me somebody was a pervert, I go, yeah. I'm figuring a lot of them are. Pervert until proven innocent, I think. Yeah. I mean, I'm hearing a lot of them are. Pervert until proven innocent, I think. Yeah. I mean, I'm hearing a lot about guys. I'm assuming that this is a bit of a stereotype for the male population. You know, I walk with caution.

Why do you think I opted out? That's how I feel whenever some famous pop star gets caught cheating or something. I'm like, yeah, I figured. Yeah, I figured. I figured. I figured Harry Styles, yeah, at some point. Red One. We're coming at you.

Is the movie event of the holiday season. Santa Claus has been kidnapped. You're going to help us find him. You can't trust this guy. He's on the list. Is he a naughty lister? Naughty lister? Dwayne Johnson.

We got snowmen! Chris Evans. I might just go back to the car. Let's save Christmas. I'm not going to say that. Say it. All right car Let's save Christmas I'm not going to say that Say it Alright Let's save Christmas There it is

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conditions and usage accessories sold separately um my girlfriend is so excited that you're you know she grew up yeah oh Harry Styles is really interesting

what about him because I love that people are offended that you're probably doing an amazing character which I love Céline Dion from Montreal

whatever we won't get into it but I like if the show is still playing I want to see it um and what's let's plug it now what is it Titanic uh the Daryl Roth Theatre whatever, we won't get into it, but if the show is still playing, I want to see it. And let's plug it now. What is it?

Titanic, the Daryl Roth Theater. And if they message you, they get a code. Yeah, if they message me, I'll send you a promo code. What's your Instagram? At Russell J. Daniels. And while we're on this, please join the Patreon,

patreon.com slash downside. We got bonus episodes, live episodes. That's the best way to support this show and uh i ran into a debbie downsiders what we call our listeners and uh i ran into it's always whenever they see me at a show it's always surreal because they're like i listen to the podcast and i'm like oh my god you know so much about me yeah but then i got a gift someone gave me uh in seattle middle of the show they gave me a bag with a big joint

lighter oh wow an edible no no milligram count in the edible so i was too scared to eat it i took a nibble it tasted strong yeah i don't want to be you taking the 65 milligrams so i just i've been nibbling it who knows if i'm getting any pot at all but every night i just have a little nibble before i go to bed. So thank you for that. Give me the milligrams next time. Harry Styles. No, that's offensive. Yeah.

Because it's like, be gay or not. Stop teetering. Am I going to come out? Am I not going to come out? You're not gay. You're queer-baiting. It feels like a marketing team sat you down and was like hey this will be this will play well yeah and you'll but you know but are we coming up with that yeah maybe he does maybe he does

want to wear these things exactly and that's why they're both right is it annoying yes is he fine to do it yes yes yes yes so that's it are you annoying and not gay gay whatever like gay didn't have to mean gay is just the act. For me, my identity isn't like, even with the gender, it's like queer girls with the boyfriends, which I think now is the gayest thing you can do is that queer girls have a boyfriend.

That's actually the gayest thing you can do in society. Okay, okay. What do you mean? Is this a new thing? Is this a new? Yeah, like the gayest, you know, queer girls have boyfriends now. I didn't know this. okay okay what do you what do you mean is this a new is this a new thing is this a new yeah like the gayest you know queer girls have boyfriends now i didn't know this yeah if you go to brooklyn they're all queer but they all live in they have a boy and a girl but one of them's non-binary but

she's a girl okay okay now it's queer girls with boyfriends we know this right we know this girl she's from brooklyn she went to wesley and god knows what she went to bar i don't know where she went yeah okay um but and that's a joke okay so don't come at me come at russell come at russell okay dm him okay not me but the harry styles thing i don't even know why it was going before that because you had so many questions i wish you i wish you wore that with the i wish you wore that the thing with the nipples out if you came here one day his last thing at the grammys oh yeah like this but the nipples right out in the corner yeah exactly so okay so here's the whole thing with it it's like queer to me like gay to me is just yeah i'm with other girls like we're doing

that yeah that's all it means like if you're not doing that what's going on like to me it's just boy you know and then i'm not talking about people who identify somewhere in the middle that's fine but i'm talking just on a general okay you're you know dudes are diddling with each other's dicks and same with the girls we're doing so it's just that it doesn't really mean anything else things yeah so you've made it like like you've made it queer mean all these other things that really i'm just like well it's what kind of sex are you having? Like, I don't want to get too personal, but it's like when I meet a girl,

well, I'm queer, this is my boyfriend. I'm like, okay, well, then you and I are not having the same conversation. It's fine. But it's like, what do I do with this? Like, I'm just, I'm like, like okay you're calling it like so i'm straight people don't let me do that but i am straight but okay i have a girlfriend they're like what but i'm like but that's what's happening i'd love if i had a boyfriend and said well i'm straight

this is my boyfriend it'd be tough but that's what i hear i hear that once a week well let me be frank there's there's i can't that's fine i I can't pontificate thoughts on this because I'm too scared to. There's just a degree where I'm like, you know, if you're bi and you've only dated men your whole life, okay. That's fine. Whatever. There's no, I can't. I can't.

And I'm bi. I guess I'm bi because I'm open to men. It's never happened. Sure. But I've never been, oh, because you're a man. I just, I haven't had a click. I haven't had butterflies. Uh-huh.

But I'm open. I see people all the time. Could happen at any point. I had that guy go down on me in a musical theater camp. Yeah. And so in a way, you know, I've. You're definitely bi. I'm definitely bi.

No, but I'm not. It would be such a false thing for me. No, but you could claim that. But you're too homophobic to. You're afraid to be gay. You said before, you or other members of our sketch team, they're like, if you ever claim to be bi, we're going to fucking. No, guys can't claim to be bi.

Because then you're fucking gay. And men understand that. Men go, if you're bi, you're fucking gay and men understand that men go that's it that's if you're bi you're gay men are are one step ahead of us on this and we're going girls would love if they went down on one girl and be good they're making out saying queer yeah we've we've gone way you know we let anyone and then that's fine i don't care i'm just like can i step away from this conversation like if i'm trying to have like you know it's nice to sit down with somebody who's having experiences like you get advice what are you using what do you find what dildos i like this new silicone thing they're doing

if you're not doing any of that i'm going like if you're if you're you know having a conversation and you're identifying as gay you're queer with another gay guy who's maybe a bottom and he's douching the way that he's doing, which is a serious job to be a bottom in the gay community. He's going, okay. Yeah. You wouldn't allow, like he's going,

you and I are not having the same experience. It's fine. You're a human. I'm a human. We have that experience. But in the sex sex they're just different there's nothing wrong no what happened to it being okay to be different i thought we were all sesame tree you know let's highlight our different we're special because of our differences

we connect because of our differences now we all you have to be like me you just why do you have to be like me who even wants to be this it, we've all, but the whole thing is still, even though I've complained about all this, nothing matters. It's fine. It's also all fine. Yeah, well, hold up, hold up, hold up. Because I feel like you make points, and then you go, eh, it's all fine.

You obviously have a point of view. But that's how I feel. I feel that same way. I feel like I do that all the time, too. Yeah. Because I do, because I also am like, I hate when someone is like, no, this is blah, blah, blah. Like, I'm right. I blah, blah. same way i feel like i do that all the time too yeah because i do i because i also am like i hate when someone is like no this is blah blah like i'm right i blah i i hate when someone feels like

they're uh telling me they're right all the time and so i always want to have a window of even if i feel really really strongly yes of being like i'm wrong too probably yes you know like everybody is 100 believe it everybody's 100 right no no you don't actually it. Everybody's 100% right. No. No, you don't actually believe that. I do. Like the Israel-Palestine thing. When somebody gives me the Palestinian side of things, I go, you know what? 100% right.

Can't argue with facts. Look, they're 100% right. My brother will say one thing about Israel. I'm like, he's got a point. He's got a point. And then we're back to square one. you gotta make a decision.

No, everybody is 100% right from the perspective they're coming from. That's the whole point. We're all, even to, it gets so on the micro level.

I could go argue in the, on the, I can argue both, like all the way to the other end. It gets like, even when somebody goes,

well, what's the difference of trans women and cis women? I go, well well what's the difference of one cis woman and another cis woman they're two very different experiences of course even within women even within men they're different okay because we're all snowflakes so i could argue the other end all that's why i think everybody's 100 right right all the time. It's an issue. I don't think anybody's wrong. I think people are just coming from their perspectives.

I come from mine, and I feel certain things, but I don't expect everybody to be like me. Because, A, I never have met somebody like that. But it's just, I don't know. I accept everything. I hate everything, and I also think everything's fine. I don't know. I don't know. But it's not everything's not fine

everything's not fine no I'm just saying anybody's fine to believe what they believe uh huh okay and I even if I think they're wrong

I know that to them I'm wrong I just know that like to them I'm a thousand percent wrong even though I know I'm a thousand percent right so then what

sure I think I think but then I think this is, but the same thing as nihilism to a degree. We go, then everyone does everything what they do.

Men always drop this word. Nothing, nothing matters. Nothing matters. So why did you, and everything matters and everything matters. No, I can't,

I cannot stand this. No, it is true. Everything matters and nothing matters. Everything matters because we're here for a short time and that's that. So it matters. Um, and Everything matters because we're here for a short time and that's that. So it matters. And nothing matters because we're here for a short time. I mean, it works both ways.

Sure. Everything works both ways. So when somebody's mad about something, this is the way. What? Yeah. Let's think about it from the other. Put yourself in somebody's shoes. We used to have, you know, it's like, yeah, you have to put yourself in someone's shoes.

You can't do it, but you're trying. You're like if someone said, okay, Israel, Palestine, one state or two states, and you're like, why not both? And it's like, well, you can't. At some point, you got to do one thing. You got to do something. You got to take a stand. Maybe everyone thinks that they're right,

but do you believe that anybody is ever wrong ever? Anyone's ever done a decision where you can go, you know what? That's wrong. Oh, I think everybody is wrong. I think I'm 1,000% right. You don't understand me. I think everybody is wrong. I think I'm a thousand percent right. You don't understand me. I think I am right. Sure.

If I ran the world. What would you do? It would be good. It would be good? Yeah. Yeah. I would do things small and big. I would eliminate countries.

When people ask me about Palestine. Oh my God. When people ask me Israel-Palestine, I go, who made up even these lines? Like, it's not your earth like i don't even think homeownership should happen do i want houses yes i want five to seven properties okay but if i was thinking philosophically about it no i don't even think countries should exist i think somebody made this up men many years ago yeah and now we do this it's like it's not your land it'll be here when you go it was here before you got here it's just such an arbitrage it's not you can't own this land it's everybody's land

it's like a private beach i'm like uh-huh it's a literal it's everybody's beach yeah it's nice to say this in theory but as you said you you want to have five to seven properties because i live in these worlds i live in this game. I do this thing. I... I don't think I can... That doesn't discredit how the feeling of... Yeah. I feel like everyone should have a great meal, but I'm not going out

there and sharing my lunch with everybody. Yeah, so then you understand. Then you understand. Sure, yeah. I don't think you're arguing. I think it's like arguing with a cloud. It's this, it's that. It's well, okay, well then it's both.

It's every, yes. Okay, but then what? But then we gotta go. We gotta leave the house at some point. And we do. We gotta make a decision. A or B, right or left. And we're living.

I think this and I'm living. I got here. I got here. I don't know. That is how I live my life. You know, somebody, I was watching, somebody was saying, you know, I think Bill Maher was asking somebody on some podcast,

what do you think, what do you think, you know, he was talking about race, of course. He was talking about race and he was talking to a black congressman, I believe, and he was talking about race, of course. I love one. He was talking about race, and he was talking to a black congressman, I believe, and he was talking about it, and he goes, what do you think the issues are? Because when you take race about it, it was some kind of case where there was black police

who killed a black man. And so then he said, well, now you take race out of it, and so what is it? Is it poverty? Is it this? And I'm thinking, it's men. What's the common denominator of every problem yeah war guns rape it's literally men like wake up what do you need a flag like it's literally more it's like 99 men yeah you know the biggest fear to women is men the and then and then the biggest fear to men

is other men yeah i'm like it's never so i don't even understand why he couldn't i'm like do you not see that it's just all girls are going it's men like every girl is like we're scared of you like you're doing weird things you're shooting cans you get guns to shoot cans we don't do such things it's like weird and and and and and at the same time you have to understand what men you know the role whatever like everything is explainable i get so crazy when i watch like a true crime case like i watch like you know alex murdaugh is happening or whatever's happening okay who's this alex yeah he's like a lawyer who killed his family his last name is literally murderer yeah i'm going what do you need a flag yeah yeah like hashem literally named a murderer

murdaugh it's spelled in an irish way but he's like Southern too, so it's like murder. Yeah. You know, like, like it's like, yeah. Okay. I murdered them. Like you literally. You think he said that right before? You should have known by last name.

Murder. Murder. Yeah, exactly. How did he do it? I'm going to murder you. And then he killed himself too? It's a whole thing.

It's a whole thing. I'm not getting into it. It's too long. No, he killed people. It's too long to describe his whole family. He killed his family.

He killed his family people yeah he killed himself no he's alive but i get into it i get so sympathetic to everybody who's everything i feel bad for the i don't feel bad for the whole family because i don't like rich people but if i had to i go into he was so financially stressed i've been dressed before he was brought to the brink you know the pressure the pressure now he's living a bigger and bigger life he's got to bring no so he made bad decisions he was brought have you ever made even a bad decision to cheat on tests to whatever you're brought to your limit i'm like forget it i had a skirt on uh my uniform at school and i would write you know i i i'm so not a cheer but i wrote things on my leg and it was such a bad experience because of potentially getting caught.

But I was brought to this point of exhaustion. Do you remember what test it was? Like what kind of subject? No, I can't remember. But during the test, you're just like. Yeah, and I didn't even need it. It was a safety blanket. You know what I did?

I did a lot. I did a lot of looking at people's paper. It was just too easy. Spelling test, looking at people's paper. And then the worst, you go up to hand your test in. You go up to hand your test in. They had a stack, everyone had stacked their tests at the front desk.

So you go, you look at someone else's first page, you go, you know what, I gotta go back and check one more thing. That's how I cheated. You ever cheat on a test? Of course, we all cheat on tests. I did once that I remember. I remember that same feeling of the stress.

The stress is annoying. It was because I just didn't know. Did you think about murdering the whole classroom? I stayed up the whole night before trying to make my brain understand what was happening in that chemistry class and I couldn't do it. And I was like,

I felt so stressed at that test and just looking for... So how'd you cheat what'd you do looking i tried looking you tried looking didn't work i had someone called me out once he said he he said he said stop looking at my test and i said i was like i was just seeing uh how far you were in into the test and that's a fucking narc i also don't like him yeah i don't like any people in this scenario but then i can also empathize with everybody in the scenario. You know, it's like, I think the easiest way for people to put it is like men,

women in prison. You understand? Many are battered. So we could go, oh my God, are they the, like they're battered. Like, should we be putting them in prison? You know, a lot of it is self-defense that women are in prison, you know,

their husbands, boyfriends, whatever. And they killed them, you know, and they're brought to that and we have empathy but then i i even stretched to financial crimes like he was so stressed could you imagine how many people he's in charge of i start to get i start to get where i go there's no crime the crime is in how they were raised how they know i start to get they didn't have support like yeah i start to get like so like it's just such a shame like if they okay yeah i'll give you i'll give you an example and you tell me how you i want to hear your reasoning to there's no crime uh like say

martha stewart insider trading like just i will break that down toward me because she's getting from finance she's not she's not you know it's like when somebody does ask me about israel palestine i go listen i'm sure the people over there think it a lot more thinking about these issues a lot more than i've had the three seconds to think about it now martha stewart she's got all these financial guys some of us i don't have a business manager do you have have a business manager? Yeah, to a degree. Okay. You don't know everything he's talking.

Yeah. Oh, my God. I thought about it the other day. I said, if he wants to rob me blind, or if he wants to break the law, I don't know. And he will. He will. And now that you've given him permission, it's not even a crime. Yeah.

Okay. So, okay. Play this tape back. He's got three daughters. Okay. He's got three. Oh, you better believe it. Yeah.

Yeah. When that third one needs to go to college, I'm done. That's it? And girls? Expensive. Okay, so Martha's store, she gets a tip. You do the tip. I hear tips all the time.

You don't know that it's illegal. It's actually illegal to get a tip most times. Like if you have a friend who works there, and they're like, yeah, we're doing this, we're buying this company. That's like an trading tip that like literally you shouldn't you can't act on but they're all acting on it so she gets caught she's a j she's like yeah you got me yeah i did it i didn't know i did it and the same with felicity hoffman she's like i wanted my girl my girl dumb as bricks listen listen i wanted her to go to the school she went to the school yeah you got me i'm ashamed i defended her someone commented they were annoyed

they were annoyed that i said like all these colleges they're all for cockta they're all scams she just got caught i always felt weird that that somehow felicity huffman got in trouble but um her husband didn't like i was like wait yeah how does he know he didn't stye barrier he's a fucking pussy how did he not get in trouble like how is it all her job to to lie and get these kids into the problem with stuff like that and i think like cheating in school is like the people who get caught they're just the stupid ones they're the ones who did it poorly yeah like they're the ultimately he wasn't with her in court he didn't go to any i feel like he was like he failed as a man yeah it's that's shitty you know he he should have said they should their bedroom talk would be like

i'm gonna go to prison for us right like that's a dude wait hold up you think that was the option on the table i feel sympathy for this no i agree with you i i bet like you could have like what do you mean you can't go you can't go you know what my uh you have the evidence on my wife i will i will go forward scenario he wasn't involved but then he's kind of a shitty dad. He didn't know that his wife was doing this thing. You run everything by Nicole. You make decisions every day that you don't run by your wife. You commit crimes every day that Nicole has no idea about.

I'm not lying to get my dog into some school that we can't. I could see that happening in a second. In a second. I just feel like... I don't know. It just feels shitty. It feels a little shitty. Sure, it feels shitty,

but we don't know the details. Who's knocking? Is someone knocking? Oh. Terminator. Oh, we're good. Sorry. We're recording something.

Thank you. Now we're going to have fucking mice and rats and all sorts of things. Oh, my God. I can't believe you didn't hear somebody knocking. I hear a knock. See, this is men. You're right. I heard it. This is men. I have headphones on. Now shut up. I'm telling you. You don't get scared at night.

You ever know what I mean? You don't get scared at night. I'm terrified at night. You don't know what it's like. But maybe you do. See? Maybe you do. You know what? Once I was walking home. It's montreal my family moved to montreal my mother's from canada we left the community here but we moved to montreal how

many siblings i have nine siblings she moves the 10 of us to canada okay 10 of the jewiest jews moved to canada okay middle of february snow up to here okay and one day i was leaving this like years into living there now i don't know what i was leaving i was leaving. It's like years into living there now. I don't know what I was leaving. I was leaving maybe a late night shift or school or something like that. And I was walking home and it was freezing. We live in a kind of sketchy area. And I'm walking with my coat, my thing.

I see a man walking towards me. Late night. Snow. I'm like, fuck, I'm shuffling this. I'm like, okay. Across the street, of course. Number one, number one. Okay. every man at night by the way when i say it's government is scary sure if you're a man and it's night you're scary okay because i'm small you're big we understand humanity and he starts speed he's like shuffling shuffuffling, shuffling. Tall, dark, like hood over hat, can't see, like, you know, really walking.

And I'm like, oh my God. And like there's nothing for, I'm like three blocks from home. Okay. And then I don't even know what happened. And the street was so narrow, Montreal old streets. I don't even know what happened. And the street was so narrow, Montreal old streets.

So I like, when we pass, and he goes, Rifki? Which is what my family calls me. And I go, huh? That's my brother Menachem.

My brother Menachem was going to, he was so scared himself. He was shuffling, walking so fast because he's afraid of being, you know, mugged. Yeah. yeah so he he also has a fear but i was like you scared the shit out of me yeah he's like i'm gonna soar what do you mean i'm like you're walking like a criminal he's like i don't need to be mugged like we both had such a fear yeah and then i just walked with him sorry he walked me home like i

can't go home now i'm coming with you and he's like i'm like i'm freezing come on and it's like it's crazy that he it really opened me up that like this guy who's tall you know my brother's like a lanky tall guy kind of like you and he makes himself bulk and he just fucking marches like a psychopath. And that's why he's scarier to women, but he's also scared of other men. But I think I've avoided a lot of confrontation. They see tall people and they're like, that's going to be a lot of work to take down. There's an illusion that I think that's the reason I don't have to deal with too many confrontations. They think, fuck, he's tall. little sister I used to do a joke about

it but I got I got one of these texts or whatever yeah what was the joke the joke was this comes from a real thing my sister used to work at Starbucks and she did the late-night shift as well like during school or whatever so she would get home maybe I don't know after midnight or something when they closed up and she lived in a bad neighborhood. Or not a bad neighborhood, but a neighborhood that's getting better. You know, we're always on the app. Like it's going to be something in 10 years,

but we're still not there yet. And she gets out of the metro, the subway station, and she would walk home as if she had a physical ability. And she would not only do that, because she's been stopped so many times, so she would walk home with a really wild limp or something like that, and she would always have an umbrella, rain or shine.

It would be snowing in Montreal. There's no reason to have an umbrella. Her, 11 o'clock at night with an umbrella that's a scary looking person that's a scary looking person somebody just walking with an umbrella when it's not raining and you don't need it and it's literally winter and night is really freaky so she did these two tricks somebody said well you know you can't listen this is the this is she's brought to a point they were all scared do you think some people were like oh that person clearly has had

a tough enough life yeah some people she could be more vulnerable some people but this is the choice she made on a fly to walk the few blocks home safely yeah yeah you know she you just do whatever the fuck you have to do because she she's small. She's smaller than me. I'm 5'4". She's 5. 5. So she's very small. Yeah.

When you're much smaller than most people, people don't understand the vulnerability of like... No. It's like most rooms you walk into, you're looking down. Like I look at the world, and I'm not even a little person. Yeah.

I'm the tallest girl in my family, not to brag, but anyway. Wow. And people say I read very tall on stage which is also very nice thank you and i don't think i'm sure but but you know it's like everything's like a little bit bigger now you i brought up the other day that tova we have a we have a frame picture of the the rabbi yeah of course you said i have a dollar from the rabbi is that true yeah we used to go oh so okay well tell me what the rabbi. Yeah, of course. You said I have a dollar from the rabbi. Is that true? Yeah.

What does that mean? We used to go, oh, so, okay, well. Tell me what the rabbi is. I don't know for us, so some people don't know. The Lubavitcher rabbi. Okay, so the Hasidic community I was born into was called the Lubavitcher sect of Hasidic Judaism. There's about 200 sects of Hasidic Judaism that a lot of people don't know.

This is not Chabad. It is Chabad. Oh. Yeah, it is Chabad now. Lubavitch is Chabad. That's the same thing? Chabad is the outreach program of Lubavitch. Chabad is kind of like what talks to other Jews.

I almost call them non-Jews, but to us they were like, what are they doing? What are they just on an assignment or is that part of that, that is the community? Yeah, it's outreach, it's outreach. Now it's so big, Chabad, that it almost is its own thing. But growing up, it was less its own thing.

It's grown? Numbers have grown? Chabad houses, yes, have grown. From within, with inside or from recruiting? Recruiting, different houses. I don't know. I don't know. It just got bigger, the movement.

Movements get bigger sometimes. Yeah. Okay, I'm not doing the sociological. I'm just so fat. It just feels like Jews, it's not as much about recruitment as some other religions. No, and exactly. It's not recruitment. That's why I was hesitant to use that word.

It is outreach. It's education. Okay, so if you're curious, you can do it, but they don't encourage converting. And, oh, the most important thing about that is it's only to other Jews. So it's not converting. They're not interested in seeking non-Jews to learn more.

They're interested in seeking less religious Jews to know more about their Judaism. But is Chabad Hasidic as well, or no? It is. It is. Yes, it is, because it is. It is. I believe it is. It used. Yes, it is. Because it is. It is. I believe it is.

It used to be for sure more. Maybe it's more chill now, what we would say, because everything chills out over time. Because I said to Tova, I said, on stage, do you care if I say Hasidic or Zahra Chabad? She said, no, that's okay. But I think for her, they're different. They are.

Like, Hasidic is, we're really doing it. Chabad is like, people dip in, people aren't as religious. Hasidic, they're wearing black hats, they're doing the whole thing. And you were raised? Hasidic, but we had an affiliation. Chabad is, again, our outreach. Okay, so Chabad is where less religious Jews, in our opinion, would, you know, get their fix of Hasidic Judaism.

But we live full-time in the Hasidic community. Sure. So, the rabbi? So, the Hasidic community. Sure. So the Rebbe. So the Rebbe is the Rabbi. Rebbe is just like Yiddish. He's the Rabbi for this movement. He like started this movement or he's like the head of this movement,

this branch of Hasidic Judaism, sect of Hasidic Judaism. In any event, what he would do is you would give him um you would you would bring a dollar to him so the shul um was called 770 because its address is 770 eastern parkway what's the show um a synagogue a synagogue yeah okay and it's like the headquarters of the khabad Lubavitch movement. And we called it 770 for short, because the address was 770 Eastern Parkway.

It's still there. When you go there, you know, it's beautiful. It's really a very, very old house. There's a shul, and they've expanded, blah, blah, blah, and there's tons of, it's their synagogue. So anyway, but he would give you a dollar dollar i think you would give him a dollar it would wait up um and it was for charity so you would give a dollar for charity and he would i don't know why you traded the dollar you kept the rebbe's dollar oh yeah he would give you a dollar oh this is how it worked i was a kid wouldn't have much but your parents

would take you and And for Friday, you know, it's very, or not on Friday, obviously because of money, but charity is a big part of the thing. So he would give out dollars that you give away. He encouraged charity.

So he would give you a dollar, you would give it away. He would give you a dollar, you would give it away. Okay. And just to kids, to everyone. And it was a good thing to get a dollar.

And would you give it only to another Jew or to anyone? Homeless guy in the street? Yeah, you could do that you could do anyone yeah we're big on poverty and stuff like that so it's like even for now people and yeah mostly though for jews because there's a lot of poverty in that community sure so it's mostly to help out you know your neighbors we like live by those things but what you would do is you would get his dollar and you would trade it for another dollar you had and you would keep that dollar because the rebbe gave it to you yeah sure but you still gave a dollar away so that's where the trade came in so i still have the rebbe dollar you didn't keep it and not replace it with a dollar to give to charity because the whole lesson is to give to charity i remember starting my days even as early as kindergarten with a song

we would give a penny like everybody had a penny in the morning you could give your penny with this finger with this finger and we'd like you know to give tzedakah to give charity and it we would put it in and so yeah giving is a really big it's very incorporated uh in you i think you know and and and i grew up that way like the cash giving and it's interesting because i remember my mother also she really embodied this um i remember we were walking in montreal my mother we were very tight we were on welfare and really hard and my mother would always say you know we're tight you know we're tight not this month or whatever it is and then we're like walking one day and we get off the subway and my mother like there's a nun like begging you know

it's like an old lady begging for money for whatever and my mother gives five dollars opens her purse gives a five and i go you're giving a five i thought we were tight like i can't even you know what i mean you're not giving us any money i'm like you're giving a five she goes sometimes when you're tight it's important to give to remind yourself you're in a position to give and i still do that if i feel worried about work something i don't know i give my smallest denomination to the next guy who asked you know i've had to give up 20s and I go, but you know what, I had the 20. Yeah.

I don't know, there's something about it that, you know, there's still things that I carry with me. Sure, I think that's the one, you know, I think there's some degree where people go like, we'll figure out a value system outside of religion. And as someone who didn't grow up with any religion, no one told my dad at any point to be like, give, give a little.

And so it's like part of it is that community. It's having a community that encourages you to give. It's nice in theory. It is really nice. I don't think it affects everyone correctly. No, but it affects, you know, the Jewish community is pretty good with their own about that. How rich was the Rebbe? Like, I think I don't fully understand.

I don't think he was that rich. How long has he been in that position? Like, how long is... We died, when did he die? He died in 97, I believe. was the the the rebbe like i think i'm i don't fully understand rich i think he probably was rich like position like how long this we died when he died he died in 97 i believe there's no there's no uh he could not have kids he didn't have kids he could not no and by all accounts he seemed like a really noble i still haven't heard any negative stories about him like he was he lived extremely humbly he was one of these i mean khabar got really big and it's not as humble it used to be but i think him he really did live kind of like that he was at the synagogue every day you know he really the whole concept of leaders with judy's i've always been confused uh who changes policies who they all get together

they all but who's they all is there is it a board is it just everyone everyone agrees did you hear they're kind of saying yes it's literally everybody rabbis it's men it's all men um but even sometimes they listen to the yeah it's like the chabad i guess meets at 770 maybe once a year or whatever you should look up pictures there's like the Chabad, I guess, meets at 770 maybe once a year or whatever. You should look up pictures. There's like thousands of men who meet and they talk like they had a big meeting about what are we going to do with technology and cell phones in the community.

And everybody airs their opinion and this and that. And we try and come to some senses and different families do different things. Do they come to some new rules? They said, okay. They do. They say, you know, they say like, this is bad, but you'll see families that still do it or families that don't

like everybody comes to what they're comfortable doing yeah that's kind of do you stay up to date with what's going on no no that's what i'm saying that's the last step i mean cell phones you know i remember when they were talking about that that's way gone now every chassidic jew has this of course yeah so of course so but I remember you know whatever the new thing is that they need to talk about you know

I think they talked about gay they're talking you know they they gotta they wanna figure something out you know it's very hard for them

to understand these things but they get together and they go okay the more people who can help me like you think gay like my father when he's having a play that's the opening you think who can help me, like, you think gay? Like my father, when he started playing. That's the opening.

You think gay? All right, everyone, we're here today. You think gay? Like, yeah. Because if you're not doing the gay shit in the community, you don't know, you don't believe. You're like, do you know anyone who did gay? Like, you don't, they don't know.

I did gay once in college. They can't imagine it. Like, it's something like, it's just, it's like, I did gay once in college. They can't imagine it. It's something like... It's just... It's like... They just can't imagine it. They're not friends with these people. But some of them are.

They can't imagine it, but I'm sure half of them fucking... Yeah, so some of them do. Some of them go and go, listen, I do know somebody. I do know somebody. I got a friend. I got a friend.

He did some gay stuff. Yeah, he did gay. And they go, really? Like, they can't. The people who still didn't meet that guy. Other people aren't that. And even if they met the guy, they might be. What do you mean?

Were you coerced for money? Like, they don't. It takes. It's just a different world. Why did your mom leave with all of you? So much. so many things um you know my parents had a bad marriage i'm not going to get into it terrible uh but my mother married very young yeah yeah and um you know my mother had 10 kids by the age of 30. wow just an

enormous vagina yeah i know i know so it like... What number are you in there? Seventh. Are there any stereotypes about the seventh child? No. I always want to know. You should be with other tens to see if there's any commonalities. Yeah, I did.

We did a whole podcast episode about that because I wanted to know about other sevens as a matter of fact. My dad is one of 12. What number is he? What? I didn't know that. Are you kidding?

You have that many aunts and uncles? Yeah. Could you name them all? They were not religious. They were farmers. So they were like- There's nothing to do. You needed help.

Well, no. They needed help on the farm. So they had more kids. Oh, they probably didn't have contraception. Yes. That too. They were like, oh, we need someone to raise the tractor. But I'd have to-

I don't know what number. He's in the middle-ish. Could you name all your aunts and uncles? You don't have two, but- Really? Yeah. I couldn't. I can't name all the cuz like the cousins kids i can name probably all the cousins i have how many is that 50 cousins oh my god you can name them all probably yeah oh my god wow

i definitely if i saw their picture i have two cousins yeah wow two first two cousins yeah i probably have nine siblings i know because we're the ones with ten my parents became religious Two cousins. Yeah, I probably have. Nine siblings, two cousins. I know because we're the ones with 10. My parents became religious. We had 10, but they grew up normal.

Yeah. So I just have like Aaron and Daniel in Vermont. And then there's all of us. And, you know, so it's like my mother only had one brother. How often are the 10 of you together? Not often. But we're, you know, there are, I mean, I'm close with about like six of them. Yeah. Really close.

That's nice. It was pretty good. But when you moved to Canada, were you still part of the Hasidic community? Yes. So initially, you know, it's like a transition that happens. I think people think that we moved to Canada. That's it. We moved to, you know, walkable distance to our synagogue.

Same community, Lubavitch community. Were they chill about the divorce? No. No. My mother was harassed really yes by people in my community that reported back to the brooklyn community because there's a relationship there harassed like go back go back to him oh yeah yeah oh yeah my mother uh my mother was somehow strong like i don't know because she seems it's amazing what she was able to do the more i think

about it because she's like so docile so canadian um probably what we would on the spectrum for sure sure and she she just reached a brink she was very badly treated by my father and she somehow one day i mean it's a whole story but my grandfather was basically over her father who was not in the community but worried sick about her jewish but being like connie how are you having all these kids like it's his daughter he's so close to and he's like never saw this life for her he came you know post holocaust let's work you know you worked in the at a meat shop his kids he wanted them to go to university you know the first generation to do that you know like the normal jews that you know who have money now he didn't think this like what gonna squander this opportunity we had coming to canada

his parents came to canada but he worked you know immigrant lifestyles and my mother finally he came and my mother was in bad shape and he said let's go home connie and he got her when she was really vulnerable and she said okay dad and he just did everything and he packed i mean all the kids wow yeah we all kids on a plane on a plane oh my god i remember it was four rows on the plane we had my grandfather in the front my mother was she had a mental breakdown totally was not even there how old were you um i was a kid and then we had uh my grandfather was dating my new my step-grandmother wow who i loved we loved any attention and i remember on the plane that's what i remember that we had it was kosher but we didn't buy the kosher meal because of the

price yeah so my mother brought fritos and different things and you would take like a handful of fritos pass it to the next kid and pass it down we run so my grandpa was in the front my with my mom and my step-grandmother in the back and then like you know nine kids in between and one kid there and we were doing the fritos and i was like in the last row and there was no fritos left for me oh and i'm like the fuck he took look how much schmully got look how much schmully got okay i'm like freaking out my i love the idea if you had been seated somewhere in the middle of this like entire family drama and then you took a handful of the

free test they're like what the fuck who is this yeah i and then my grandmother went my step grandmother she went to take a little bit from everybody so that i could have some oh that's nice yeah so so i i really liked her and i, you know when you're a kid and somebody draws and you're like, wow, you're an artist. Yeah. She drew a flower. I said, oh. I said, mom, she's really an artist. And I would give her projects.

I'd be like, hey, could you draw me this? And she'd be like, I can try. And I'm like, and I would save her pictures. Oh. I would be like, wow, she's an artist. I was so impressed by that as a kid. You know, just good drawing. I even remember my second grade Hebrew teacher.

I think her name was Mrs. Raish. Maybe that was English. Maura Raish? I can't remember. Drew an elephant that blew my fucking mind. We did Noah's Ark. She drew an elephant. I said, mind we did the play we did noah's ark and she drew an elephant i said she's free drawing this elephant and i really wanted to be the elephant because of how she drew the elephant my little brother painted a moose in seventh grade for a class and

i i taught i was like you should be an artist and i think that's my bar is just low but i saw it i was like you're astounding yeah this moose is incredible you need to pursue this yeah and he was like shame art you know as we grow old but when we're younger we're like we love it this came out of like yeah somebody's got to do something with her like she's an artist i did a housewarming once where everyone who came over we got to they got to paint on the walls and some people drew some real that felt like really like personal and it felt like wait what housewarming it was like a old it was my first apartment in new york we had like people over and some of them were artists and it was like we just had paint and they painted

the walls like with different designs and pictures it was beautiful if you were a little kid you would have said wow then you paint over it right? No, we kept it to the end. I loved it. Oh, it was beautiful. I don't want all these people in my house, too. I'm like, what? Jeremy did that? Okay, it's the concept of housewarming.

Sure, we can start there. Did your mom stay in the community? She's harassed. She's harassed. No, yeah, so she was harassed. So we were still religious. It was like a transition period. When somebody transitions, they're. No, yeah. So she was harassed. So we were still religious. You know, it was like a transition period. You know, when somebody transitions, they're not suddenly, duh.

Hormones take time. Everything takes time. Okay. So for us, you know, I was like kosher until maybe 19. So there's certain things that really stayed, you know, but I was wearing pants earlier. What did you break it with? What was your first non-kosher thing? Egg McMuffin from McDonald's.

All I wanted growing up was a nugget. And all the non-Jews and the less religious Jews than me. I was always the most religious kid at school, even in Canada. I was still like doing everything religious. I was the kosher. You know, I was starting to go to school with Jews who were Jewish, but come on. We're going to have a happy meal when we're out of the house. They were kosher in the house,

but not out of the house. I was kosher 24-7. I'm like, fuck. The good news about it is I got very good with temptation. I'm very good at like, like I would, some non-Jewish kid after school

would have a happy meal. I would smell those nuggets, the whiff. And then it would be okay i would go home have my mother's fucking meatloaf whatever the fuck she made okay and i was full was i satisfied not but i'm full yeah and i was fine i didn't think of the mcdon So I'm very good. You know when people are poly and this and that? Sick people. But I'm okay when I'm in a relationship. And this is why being a lesbian, I guess, works for me.

It's like monogamy is not for the faint of heart. I always joke, like, people want to be poly, you got to be gay, man. This is not for the faint of heart, okay? They know what they're doing. They know what they're doing. Okay, straight people try and get poly, it gets fucking messy. If you're straight, okay, poly is for gay men

because they're men. They know how to handle their shit. Pun intended and otherwise, okay? They know how to fucking handle it. Dykes, penguins, monogamous till the day we die. Okay, very good at handling temptation temptation if a hot girl or something walks by i see it i'm within minutes i'm done okay i'm very good at having 90 of what i want i'm okay not to have everything i want i've really learned to manage temptation which is something i'm

it keeps me focused in many ways and then if you're straight i think you get to cheat that's it you don't get that that's it you get to cheat and live with your secrets and your weird shit and that's what you do okay i can't endorse this i can't endorse this i can't endorse it oh are you doing poly no i just recently i talked to the friend of mine who's who's uh in aamorous marriage, and they have a kid. And it's kind of like they get all the stress of being divorced with kids while being married at the same time. It sounds like the rule, because you add the rules. Can you meet, can the partner meet the kid? No, they like drama.

They told me, they said, it's been a tough week. My wife just broke up with her boyfriend of five years. And I said, holy shit, that sounds like a nightmare. Every time there's sometimes I'm like, oh, Polly, that sounds fun. And then I hear the stories and I go, that sounds like the most stressful shit.

Don't tell non-Polly people your stories. We don't want to know. That's why we're not doing it. Okay, it's stressful. Everything in life, it is, yeah, the poly straight couples, it's like, it's just, you're, this is like going back to what we were talking

about in the beginning. They're both right. Somebody was talking to me about this the other day after a show. She was saying, I would always, if I got into a relationship, I would need some level of openness. I need a level of openness, okay? And I said and i said sure you know but i've never met a girl who does that you can't date women okay because a girl they're gonna tell you i understand that you need a level

of openness i get what that does and that sounds great but a girl will not allow it okay and a girl she'll say well you're inviting problems and she's absolutely right we're both right you need a level of openness but are you inviting problems yeah poly people are always looking they never sit and relax enjoying a glass of wine i relax because you know what i can't i don't i'm not always looking yeah sure i'm not always looking they're always looking to test it to test it they need you know it's kind of like my testing is stand up. Like I grew up so vulnerable, like just poor and really not watched and kind of feral and, you know, vulnerable to the elements, to the winds, to men, to, and I'm now less vulnerable.

I have some money. I'm safe. I'm a grown up. I have some money. I'm safe. I'm a grownup. You know what I mean? And so I think I, I must feel comfortable in some level of vulnerability. So I do stand up because it's good to, I feel comfortable,

unsure and scared a little. Yeah. And all that actually is a safe spot, even though I don't want to, you know, I'm like, fuck, why can't I be comfortable on a beach? I don't want to. I'm like, fuck, why can't I be comfortable on a beach?

I'm just not. I'm more uneasy on a beach. What's going on here? What are we doing here? For how long? I'm going to Aruba next week with Tovan. Yeah, and it'll be good for a week. It's so stressful.

The beach one time, one time, one beach day. I think these people, they push it. This is their, the stability of whatever their life like they need this will a person stay with me if i do this will they not will they you know how much can i push it we have all these rules but let me break even let me break something we haven't talked about let me find a loophole let me find a gap but i don't think cheating is any gap. But I don't think cheating is any, I think cheating, I don't think cheating is any better. No, but that's what straight people get.

It's not, none of them are good. Men are going to make it to the day you die. It is, it is not for the faint of heart. This is for lesbians. Okay. Men,

poly, like orgies all the time. They got to get tested every week. Not for the faint of heart. Okay. Cheating. How do you sleep at night? There's not one good scenario.

There's not, I'm not saying that one, they're all horrendous, but these are the options we have so far. None of them are good. I just wonder like my dad, who's like a cheater just like a guy some guys some guys maybe the monogamy sucks but they can they they can they can resist and then some

guys they it seems like my father i just don't think he could yeah and so i go you know what maybe he should have if he had had the option to be poly if they had field back in the day or whatever fucking it would suck for other reasons fucking happened. It would suck for other reasons. Yeah. Of course it would suck for other reasons, but maybe more manageable reasons. Better to have an emotional discovery than to cheat. You might not have existed because your mom might not have married a man that was poly. Again, there's lots of positives to discuss.

Yeah. They're both. There's not a good solution to most things It's not going to all be good You have to always pick I think dialogue is I think talking is always better than lying You make your

Lying is tough But some people like to lie That's their That's where they feel good They feel a rush Like fuck the manias Every time someone cheats Everyone acts shocked

And I go what do you mean Have you looked at the whole history of the world That's been happening for forever So a lot of people must like it right sure consciously a lot of people must get a thrill or something that gets their rocks off from doing something like this yeah and it's true and you pick your own bottle listen i was telling this girl we were talking after i said listen what i figured out about women being in my business of women is. Keep talking. I'm going to change this camera.

Oh, why? It just went out. Did we lose everything? No, no, no, no, no. What do you have to change? Look, you've got a good setup. This is great. As if I could keep talking with such a distraction

what am i not human like what am i a fish just keep some why no i'm gonna look at this what the fuck is happening over my shoulder yeah it's ridiculous just keep talking like what what am i a robot no you're over my shoulder i'm gonna what's happening he's told me to Just keep talking. Like, what am I, a robot? No, you're over my shoulder. I'm going to... What's happening now? He's told me to keep talking before to no one when it's just the two of us

while he goes and gets his laundry. Like, what am I going to keep saying? What do you mean? You're acting like I'm constantly doing chores in the middle of the podcast. So let's call a five. We call a five. T.O., remember this?

T.O. Fuck, I don't even remember what i was talking about you were saying what you learned about women you were having a conversation you could listen here's the whole thing women only want to be loved and protected and love they want to be openly loved you got a post okay you're not gonna wait without a wall post once in a while okay you got a show they want in public they want public love they want an ownership of some kind that they got somebody you got a show they want in public they want public love they want an ownership of some kind that they got somebody okay that's what they want yeah they want to be loved and protected okay and they're simultaneous for them both make them feel each other okay and

and for that okay and then you have one rule with that. You can't nobody else. You just can't. You can't break that rule. And for that, if you accept the one rule, okay, they will take care of you forever. It's a pretty good deal. They will cook. They will clean naturally.

Whatever it is you want them, you know, you have a really, maybe they work, whatever it is, but they will take care of you have a really maybe they work whatever it is but they will take care of you the way they will find the way to take care of you a good like woman i'm not bringing you back to like 50s but like whatever it is like that you know that they make you feel safe and that's it the one rule is you can't do the other thing you just can't but they will take care of you for the rest of your life so you have to be a grown-up and make that decision if you want to make that decision it's not a decision for everyone some people don't want that some people they get a thrill from whatever i'm over a thrill okay if i

want a thrill i go to six flags that's it you know so you're over a thrill you're you're talking like you're an 80 year old that's the way it is you know how many people say they're over the thrill. You're talking like you're an 80-year-old. That's the way it is. You know how many people say they're over the thrill and then someday in their 50s they get a diagnosis. They go, I want a thrill. Great. So we cross that bridge when we get there. Sure. Let's go on to the next segment.

I got to get rid of these night terrors. That was the Tova night terror. Oh, okay. Oh, my God get rid of these night terrors that was that was a night terror oh okay oh my god tova's night terrors i don't know i can't go with ties you you tape this we have an app records all the night terrors what's wrong oh he's so cute what's wrong. What's wrong? I can't go with you. I can't go with... What's wrong, sweetheart? I can't go.

You're so nice. I can't go. To where? Sweetheart. To the airport. Do you want to go to the airport? Yeah. Are you up with her?

Yeah, but I don't remember it. That's why we recorded it. You can go to the airport anytime you want. Yeah, but I don't remember it. That's why we recorded it. He's such a good boyfriend. My God. The time is 4.05 a.m. Oh, shit. So that... We played this once on the podcast before,

but I asked Alexa what time it was, and then was the podcast before but but I asked they like so what time it was and then she Internet tears went because she didn't want me to find out what time it was and it was 4 or 5 in the morning But I got a bit out of it. I got you you get up You're not also night tearing you're up, but you don't remember your house. Sometimes I remember sometimes I don't you know, I prayed You know, but sometimes I wake up. I'm like, why don't I feel like shit? I slept for seven hours. And it's like, no, you actually slept for five. You were talking.

You were trying to calm her down. It's always anxiety. She wakes up with some kind of anxiety. Every night? Sometimes I'm better than others. She might have PTSD. She was mugged. She was mugged at knife point.

Not at knife point. That's part of my bit. She was mugged just in general. So she's got to take my sister's tip, walk with a limp. Yeah. Something. She's got to get an umbrella, something.

No, but Tova's ready to fight fight toes tova this person got her phone yeah tova chased after him tackled him to the ground got her phone back which is the opposite of what she said she was traveling the next day like go to the airport she's like i can't i have to go on this trip so like she's was like she's not backing down from a... I'm buying pepper spray for her, by the way, because some guy got on her face on the subway. I said, I need to get you pepper spray. You didn't get it already? I did.

I got it on my phone, and the order didn't go through. When I moved out, my brother, who served in the Israeli army, he had limited options. He got back from the army. I moved out at 17. He goes, huh?

Did you go see my guy at the army surplus store? I'm like, what? He's like, an Israeli guy. I'm like, what? He's like, go see my guy. I go to see the guy, the guy gives me pepper spray with a lesson, he's like, you drop! Okay, you do this, you drop!

I'm like, what? I walk home with a pepper spray? He's like, huh? My guy said you went to see him. I'm like, I went to see a crazy guy. But like, yeah yeah pepper you you you got it do you have it on you no i don't have it anymore and it expires do you ever use it never once but many times i clutched it did you ever test because i feel like i'd have to test

you don't want to you know you get it out no i didn't test it it'll hurt i was i was you test like this no because do you know how to do pepper spray everybody listening i don't that's the whole problem i'm gonna tell you please okay because i learned from this guy at the army surplus store who god knows what he was up to okay giving women low key because it's like illegal in or something so you spray up and you drop and crawl out because it drops you spray up into their face up but you better make sure you drop immediately you have seconds because that's how that's how oh it's a mist it's a you know it's like it's like perfume if you yeah you know you spray and you walk in it's like so you spray up you drop and you crawl out and then

you run why don't you why don't you spray spin run the other way you can't you gotta drop i don't you spray, spin, run the other way? You can't. You got to drop. I don't know. Because it's such a big fume. No, it's such a big spray. It's massive. It's like a cloud. It really is like a cloud. Nobody. Now, do you think, even with this information that you have right now, that if you had pepper spray and you sprayed someone, that you'd be like, I'm going to drop.

I know. Because that's what... I'm not saying you're wrong. You would follow instinct and turn and run. I would, but I'm saying... No, you duck. You don't have to fully... You just duck out. I don't trust my ability and my agility to duck.

I feel like I would get slowed down. He says you'd do a dead drop being in Titanic for this long. But I'm telling you that any girl, you'll feel agile. We're already, we're head on a swivel type of people. You know, a woman type of person is a head on a swivel person. You know, at night we know how to walk with each other. And I think men at this point, I don't want to hear men that are insulted. Like,

if you see a girl walking, you can cross the street. Just get away from her. She doesn't want to be near you. Like, you can cross the street. You're scaring her. Like,

why do you want to scare people? I don't scare people. Like, it's just, yeah, we cross the street because we can't take any risk. Sure. You're probably a nice guy.

I don't have time to find that out. Right. That's a good point. It's not for me to find out. That feels like the gym thing right now. There's a lot of gym debate stuff where guys are like, I was just trying to help her at the gym

and she says I'm a creep and it's like, well, yeah, because she doesn't have time to decide. Also, no one wants to be talked to at the gym. At the gym. But then you meet someone.

How do you meet your wife at the gym? I go, well, you know what? It worked once in a while. I don't know those people. I don't know anyone. Let the women come up to you.

But also, there are women lying I saw online about men looking at them. So women are also lying. There's all, both are 100% true. Everyone making TikToks of their own life. You can't trust a single goddamn person. All right, this is our real segment. This has got to stop.

This has got to stop. Do you have a thing that's got to stop? Something that's bothering you, something that's annoying you? Big, small, human, tipping, whatever. I think motorcycles. I would say motorcycles are out. We see you. We vroom, vroom, vroom, fucking hear you.

Like, either be in a car or don't. What are we doing with motorcycles now? They don't feel like they're cool anymore. No, not cool. And I would go, not cool. You can just be into leather now. Yeah. You don't need this weird vehicle. Yeah, you don't need like they're cool anymore. No not and I will go not cool. You can just be into leather now. Yeah Yeah Yeah, you can just have a lot of the jacket they don't feel like they are they they used to be that's what you want You feel cool. Would you ever drive? No, absolutely. I think it would be fun

I'm too scared too terrified. My dad had a friend who died on a motorcycle when he was 19. Of course. What's a motorcycle helmet? You ever wear a motorcycle helmet? You ever put one on? I've put one on, yeah. You're wearing a piece of a car. You know that.

It's a piece of a car over your head. That's what the motorcycle helmet is. It's a car. If you got on a plane and they said, hey, put on these little wings first, you'd be like, maybe this isn't a good plane. Yeah. You're wearing a piece of a car. And so what's the plan on that? That you're going to survive an accident with your head without your fucking body?

Where's this going? That's why you need a car, which is like a helmet for your fucking body. Yeah. That's why we did the car. Yeah. Okay. I just got into a motorcycle accident after the fire accident. No.

Yeah. He's okay. He's alive. Okay. He has to stop the fire accident He's okay He's alive He has to stop everything now He's got to stop Jay you got to stop Stop fixing the cars Pay someone to fix the cars I also don't like when people have too many cars

I don't think It's one of those things where If you have money Again do what you want think it's like one of those things where I get if you have money Again, do what you want who cares? Yeah, but it's weird. I think it's weird to like need all those cars That's important. I gotta get over the the instinct to collect. Yeah, you're gonna go to collect all the cars It's the same thing of the Pokemon Don't give a shit about cars Would have 200 if I could

I love cars. I love cars. I love cars. Would have 200 if I could. Wow. You'd have to get an eighth piece of property just for all your fucking cars. I love tactile things. Well, you know what?

I watched this documentary series. What's it called? Surviving Death on Netflix. Did you see this? No. I'm not watching that shit. Surviving Death. It's really cool.

It's terrifying. It's for the first time at real, and I don't know if it's the first time, but maybe on television, a clinical look into near-death experiences, reincarnation, all these sort of things that nobody has taken a real scientific approach to.

Because typically when you have an example of anything, even if anecdotal, somebody has a story, whatever, if you have enough examples of the same thing, science demands we look into it. We quantify it, we pull data from it, and we see what we can learn from it.

So the big takeaway from all these episodes and they have neurosurgeons on this and everything and it's just, it's just a nice discussion, okay? Which is what I like for my television.

But my big takeaway from all these things is that this world ends. It's ending, guys. Okay? And you heard me earlier. The world is over. Okay?

This, this, that beeping is gonna fuck it that should end and so just listening there's a beeping that you can't hear on the podcast you should know you should know that you should try and value what you can as soon as you can so family friendship like it doesn't matter guys like just get to what's important as soon as you can because It doesn't matter, guys. Just get to what's important as soon as you can because it ends. But then my big takeaway with it was the only thing I know from all these episodes

is that the material world ends. Some of the episodes suggested I could see my grandfather again and live in eternity with him. So if I can see Zadie again, Zadie, hold up, let me drive this Porsche while I can. I can't get into him. He doesn't sound like I can have a Rolex. So let me drive this porsche while i can't yeah i can't get into him he doesn't sound like i can have a rolex so let me have it now yeah it made me more materialistic it made me

think there's a problem with heaven yeah it's like well let me enjoy it like well yeah don't worry you'll get yours in heaven let's just let me have the cars i can't i like tactile let me feel i do like things yeah i like a physical world yeah and you're telling me the physical disappears so now i'm extra into physical yeah i don't know it's like the wrong lesson stressful thinking of the physical world going on because then you're like it's hard to imagine what you do what you spend your time doing in eternity now i just want you're just kind of like floating next to people like yeah you're doing relationships you're having nice times you're on clouds

you're on the beach sure you don't need a car you're on the beach I remember once when I was young I was looking through a plain window and I saw all the clouds and I thought about

the traditional view of heaven and I was like so we just were there we're just there we're just like it's beautiful yeah it's beautiful I look at a view for 10 seconds

and then I go okay now what yeah and I remember I had an existential thought like oh what if heaven's really boring well yeah it's probably mostly old people yeah you know a lot of old people in heaven it's like a big you know someone dies young they're like cool hey yeah yeah oh my god like that be, you get to heaven and it's actually like really conservative there

because it's all. They're also old. Yeah, they're also old and they rule society. Yeah. It's not the younger up and coming. The young are always in low, like the lowest.

God's just an old racist man. Most people are old and they're only getting older. Yeah. Our final segment. You better count your blessings. Most people are old and they're only getting older. Yeah. Our final segment. You better count your blessing. You better count your blessing.

Russell, tell us the blessing. Okay, so you know that it's something I love that I forget every time I love. Once or twice a year, I will like find a band that has been famous for so long. And then I'm like, but I like, I'm like, wow. Has anyone heard of the talking heads?

Like, I've been in talking heads for years, but like that feeling of like when you get into a band that have been around, they're very famous. Everyone knows about them, but you've just never really explored it and listen to it. I that feeling it's a it's like one of the the best things in the world when you get excited about something you're like oh that's all these albums to listen to anyways i had that happen uh this i had that with dave matthews ben yeah yeah my friend drew

johnson was sending me i was like you know what i heard of them yeah and now i'm like they got a lot of good songs a lot of great things yeah. Yeah, so I just love that feeling. You know, when you're like, it's exciting to have new music to listen to. That's not new, but you've just never listened to it. I love that. Was it Talking Heads? No, no.

I've loved the Talking Heads for a long time. But this week, Nine Inch Nails, which is so funny. I love that. I had no idea. I think in my head, I associate it with a certain type of person I went to middle school or high school with.

That was like kind of an intense kind of guy that like, but it's beautiful, beautiful. Trent Reznor. It's, it's, it's, it's,

yeah. Loving it. I love that. Yeah. Um, my, my blessing, I think you have a shout out to,

uh, Patrick Colbert, uh, opened for me at this casino and he was a great opener and uh a great driver great opener great filmer so i always like to give give a good opener a shout out bring patrick on the road with you i think the other blessing i did want to say is my mom i'm trying to write this fucking tv show and it has a lot of divorce stuff in it and my mom uh she's been like a really good uh resource

for facts about i i said like what because in maryland where when she got divorced you had to live under you have to live under separate roofs for a year and you're not allowed to have sex in that year before you can file for divorce which sounds like a crazy that that's you know it's an illegal thing it's insane and in other in other states, you don't have to live separately, but you're allowed to put down a line down the middle of your home indicating that

you're one person and you're one person. It's always like, it feels so Republican to like, you know, we don't want government in our homes and then they have rules

like these. All these rules, all these rules, it just feels like it benefits whoever is bringing in the money. So I just imagine these rules came to be

because the time where it just gave the man power. Like all these rules, I'm like, back in the money. So I just imagine these rules came to be because the time where it just gave the man power. Like all these rules, I'm like back in the day, this definitely was for the man's benefits. No, I think it's to reconcile. I think the rule is get back together. But that's what's so weird about it is for the government to be like, you two are so cute, look at the pictures.

Hey, we're gonna have sex one time, just it uh but my mom immediately she was like oh there's a site called 123divorce.com and it lists every state's rules about divorce and uh she's been very i pretty much told her the show is gonna be it's about uh her and me and she's been uh she's been fine you know what would be fine to have the constituent of your father, okay? And try and cast the girl she cheated with. That'll be cathartic for you. Sure. Meet them.

I don't know if they're old enough to legally work on a SAG production, but sure. Yeah, they are. You've got to get there. You'll get there. I could get some of those. And you'll realize that they're people. And then you'll give me a writing credit. Sure. Just for just for that yeah because i think that'll be when the show opens that's that's when the show just getting to know my dad's yeah what happened oh i meant to say that there's this picture that i post boy there's this picture i post uh online sometimes like

during father's day and it's like me as a little boy with my dad and this like stunning blonde woman and uh it's just funny because i have no idea who she is and it's uh it's just very indicative of of part of my childhood and my mom she told me she said she said you know that's that's the woman your dad cheated on me with and i've been like posting it online for years and i was like oh my god mom i'm so sorry i've been constantly just pushing this woman out there i think she was like yeah she was like a babysitter or something did you ever have uh do you have a relationship with your father now uh yeah it's a tough one it's a tough one but not not because of that i found out about the cheating way later in life so did you ever talk to him about it uh i've talked to him no i have to

an extent he is he is he is a uh a liar in the way that he just won't go into his transgressions that that deeply he just won't give you a lot of information i i want i've always wanted to be like you know you cheated some so much there's so many women who left my life suddenly and looking back on it it was because they caught him cheating and instead he painted it like oh they went crazy and uh i never brought that up because he's one of those guys he can't he can't admit fault and i worry if i push it the sling in him will like will like break but you're wanting you're wanting him to admit fault i want you to empathize with him i want you to do on the other side that he's a person he maybe made mistakes but he maybe enjoyed a lot of what he did oh i'm sure he did i know i i

empathize i don't i don't have judgment for for these women i i if anything for him what you have judgment for him i don't know if i have judgment for him. I have judgment about other things. The cheating, he's a guy. He was a good looking guy. The lack of empathy is the fact that he can't talk honestly. No, I know. I know, but he's maybe scared of you. Sure.

He's scared. He doesn't want to tell you. He thinks you are judging him. If you could talk like a man with him. I it's tough it's tough because he doesn't look at you like that he doesn't think you understand sure by the way there's all complications it might never get you know good like i saying things sometimes that i need to hear out loud it's like i would talk to him this is my father and i have no relationship but i would talk to him. This is my father and I have no relationship, but I would talk, you know, I would, if I could talk to him, if he was,

you know, he's very unstable now. If I could talk to him and it didn't escalate to something crazy, it'd be great to understand him as a human person. I would say that about my dad. Do you know what I mean? I just. Do you ever want to talk to your dad?

Not anymore because he's so sick. He's mental, like he's untreated diabetic. And so he's like really so that affects your your yeah the type that he has yeah you could go blind and you go crazy for real really you know i didn't know it would ever affect your it does yeah no this diabetes there's three different types of diabetes i believe one is like weight related uh-huh and one is like only blood related and it really fucks with you wow yeah like his is you know you lose your sight you start to go crazy from that you go man yeah

is he still here in new york just in the no no he lives in nevada it's a whole thing he's really crazy sure so and and potentially violent. My brother, he had a bad experience. So, if he was like a safe person that I could talk to, and I, you know, I wasn't at the physical risk, maybe, if he could be lucid. Yeah. I would have a, you know, but if you're, you know, but sometimes we can't go there. And that's what keeps us the barriers between people. It's like we're not seeing each other as people.

You know. So, it's like, you know, you can't go there and that's what keeps us the barriers between people. It's like, we're not seeing each other as people. Um, you know, so it's like, you know, you can't imagine ever cheating and he cheat, you know, it's like, so that's a barrier.

It's like, we used to say, it's like at the beginning of like what happened to everybody's different. We're all going to make mistakes. They're going to be different mistakes, but you're going to make mistakes. Sure. Okay.

And our differences are what bring us together. But now it's like, it's like the whole thing with labels that we see all over. It's like, it used to be, you know what? Don't label me. Don't put me in a box.

Lesbian, gay, queer, like just now it's like, I'm demisexual. I'm specifically this. It's like, like the ways in which we're different is like so important to us instead of

the ways that we are the same. So both are 100% right. And do you have a blessing for us? A blessing? Something you're very specific, thankful for. It could be something, an item, a person, an act. In my life or for you? No, for you.

A blessing for myself. What are you thankful for? Something he was thankful for finding a new band. I was thankful for my mom helping me with this oh and i turned that hole around and i'm thankful for your mother as well and the band nine inch nails my god what am i thankful for i'm just thankful for my life like i'm. I still not. I'm the kind of person. Listen. I live in Los Angeles now for five years. I never get over a nice day. When I walk out in LA and it's a beautiful day. It's a beautiful day.

I don't. So I'm still like. The things I'm thankful for are so cliche and whatever. It's not a thing. It's just that I still get to do what I love to do for a living. It never gets old to me. It literally doesn't get old. Well,

God, that's a very nice. Right. Uh, this is coming out March 14th. Is there anything you'd like to plug? I'm going to be all over. I'll be in,

uh, Columbus, Ohio. I hope it's not near Palestine, Ohio. I'll be bringing my own water to columbus ohio um i'll be in ann arbor i will be in oh uh march around then i'm gonna be in new orleans at two lane yeah two lane i don't know if non-tooling can go there but sometimes they can. Sure. You can follow me for nudes on Instagram at Robbie Hoffman

and on Twitter at IamRobbieHoffman. Russell, what would you like to plug? Come see Titanic, the musical, off-Broadway, shows a week, Daryl Roth Theater, and DM me at Russell J. Daniels if you want a little friends and family, a little discount.

Debit Dads are a discount. By the way, we're going to have merch soon, guys. We're almost done with the store. So please keep following me online, AtraMarcusRaisy. Join the Patreon, even if you don't want to listen to the bonus stuff. Just support the podcast. Patreon.com slash Downside. I will be headlining in Denver this Thursday, March 16th,

Fort Collins, March 17th and 18th. And then the weekend after that, I'm in Houston for the Riot Comedy Festival. And most importantly,

Russell will be joining for our first live recording in a comedy festival in Houston. Yes, we will. We will be, I believe it's at, I think it's at 4 p.m.

And Steph Tolev is our guest oh my god yes very excited to have her but let me make a plea please come please not just come

because I know most of you don't live in Houston tell your friends in Houston to come because if Russell flies down for a live show and there's and there's four people there less than five yeah it's going

to be real tough on our friendship it is and russell will act like it's russell will be like no it's it's cool and it'll hurt it'll be tough to it'll tough to get it'd be tough to get him to leave new york for another live show ever it will be very tough to lose the day of pay and yeah yeah he doesn't have the temperament and and can i just a note on steph tolov maybe the funniest comedian so far right now easy uh when i moved to toronto she was already fucking killing um incredible we lived together for a year and a half when i first moved to la the loudest house in america the loudest house in america what's what's a fun fact i can bring up in the podcast i should be surprised that i know that you know from living with her she's extremely neat and kind in real life so it's not fun yeah but i just know her

like we're actually we live together great because we're both very neat we're actually not messy we're just loud yeah we're just loud. Yeah. We're just loud. Sure. My girlfriend too. Neat and loud. It's ethnic. What was that? It's ethnic. Is it really? I think so. Being neat?

Well, loud. Sure. And for everyone listening, whatever your thoughts are on Israel and Palestine, just remember, you're both right. This is The Downside. One, two, three. Downside. One, two, three. Downside.

You're listening to The Downside. The Downside. With Gianmarco Ceresi.