The Downside with Gianmarco Soresi - #15 A Schizophrenic Love Story with Atsuko Okatsuka

Episode Date: May 25, 2021

Atsuko Okatsuka (Let's Go Atsuko!) visits from LA to share the downsides of thinking your grandma is taking you on vacation as a kid from Japan to California only to find out you were actually moving there, schizophrenic moms, being a "nice comedian", and vacationing in the dessert. Gianmarco also tries a new bit with Russell that bombs spectacularly and he spirals about it for the rest of the episode. Dedicated to the memory of Russell's dog, Hennessy. Join The Downside Patreon for ad-free episodes and bonus ones on the 1st and 15th of every month. Even if you don't want to listen to them, it's a lovely way to support Gianmarco's delusions of grandeur. Follow ATSUKO OKATSUKA on instagram, twitter, & youtube Watch ATSUKO OKATSUKA's short on Hulu Listen to ATSUKO OKATSUKA's stand up comedy album But I Control Me Visit ATSUKO OKATSUKA's website Follow GIANMARCO SORESI on twitter, instagram, tiktok, & youtube Check out GIANMARCO SORESI's special 'Shelf Life' on amazon & on spotify Subscribe to GIANMARCO SORESI's mailchimp Follow RUSSELL DANIELS on twitter & instagram E-mail the show at [e-mail] Original music by Douglas Goodhart Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Okay, welcome to the Downside, Russell. How are you doing? I'm good. How are you, John Marco? I'm very anxious about the heat. One, two, three! Downside! You're listening to The Downside. The Downside. With John Marco Cerezi.

Hello, welcome to The Downside. I'm just anxious. It's summer starting, and I did not build this studio with aerodynamic wind blowing. You have an air conditioner in the other room, but you turned it off because of sound, I'm assuming. Yeah, good work. So, yeah, it's going to get warm some days. It's going to get warm. It's going to be fine today. I think we're going to do some episodes just like naked. The Patreons at least. That'll get the Patreons up.

Yeah, that'll get people signing up. Full naked video episodes. So I'm doing a better job of introducing all the episodes so you know what we're doing here. This is The Downside. My name is Joe Marcus Oresi. I'm a stand-up comedian. And Russell, do you identify as a sketch comedian? What's your...

Sure. Sketch comedian. Okay, sketch comedian. Yeah. When we did that Quibi show, they you identify as a sketch comedian? What's your... Sure. Sketch comedian. Okay, sketch comedian. Yeah. When we did that Quibi show, they introduced you as what? What did they introduce me? Oh, they introduced me as like a digital communications manager. A digital communications manager.

I felt so bad. I was like, he's a really funny digital communications manager. I think they wanted to hide that. You were already taking the stand-up thing. They didn't want to look like they hired... Two comedians. Two people. So this is the downside where we interview guests and we focus on the negatives, the sads, the kvetching, the complaining.

If you're one of those people, if it's December and it's a beautiful day outside and you're like, well, you know, it's because of global warming. This is the show for you. And I have a big downside. Well, first before, I just, I know we're going to get to, so please, if you like the show, check out the Patreon. You get episodes a day early, ad-free, bonus episodes. We're soon going to add video. Check it out, patreon.com slash downside.

And before we get to you, Russell, I just, I want to, we have, this is this is, uh, we have one new segment that I want to, uh, bring here that I'm really excited for. How is your dog? Russell. So Russell, a lot of fans have, a lot of fans have written that they,

they love your dog Hennessy. And we've talked about Hennessy a lot on the show. And so we were hoping for a health update on Hennessy. Hennessy died on Thursday. How is your dog, Russell? Hennessy! That segment is over. Talk to us, Russell.

You did a beautiful Instagram post the other day. I'm so sad. I am sadder than I thought I was going to be i think you know we knew we had cancer so it was like okay we're wrapping our heads around this for a while but then it felt quick it felt it felt like we we were initially thinking we would have a little more thing and and maybe it would be more normal and but he clearly like it was very obvious that it was time uh so that's quick i mean i thought it was going to take yeah he had he had the building of the whole segment of

brown you know he had a first round of chemo and and seemed good the first couple days after that but then uh it was like he was having clearly it spread he was having a hard time breathing and things like that um but uh yeah it's been it's it was so it felt quick but it felt like we had two or three nights where it was like okay did you bring her to the vet uh we brought him to um yes so we yeah we brought him to the vet and we just got you know can i bring him in you're like just make sure we're not crazy this and they're like they're like yeah he's lost 12 pounds and like was he able to like get to the car at that point did you have yeah no that was the craziest thing is that he'd been so out of it and it's like so not himself the whole last week and then he we had such a like um it i feel mixed

about it we had such like a nice walk to the vet and then he's always like he's very he was very anxious dog so he he would he would usually shake like in the vets when he was there and he was like very calm and just kind of sitting with my wife and i and uh he was just very like chill that that whole last thing so but but like and his breathing wasn't as bad but that was like he's emaciated like he's you know he's he's clearly you this is, he wasn't eating the last week. So, yeah, I, I, it was, it was also funny. We were there and, you know, my wife and I just like, and then we had to wait for like 45 minutes. So you're just like staring at your dog, like they're going to kill it soon.

And we were waiting for, no, like in the, just the general, you just wait for the knock on the door. Well, no, not even just the lobby of the, of the vets before they even called us back to the back room. And, uh, and so we're just waiting there staring. And then my wife, uh, one of her coworkers came in and it was really funny. Cause you know, you just don't expect to see a coworker. And so, so we're just like staring, crying and looking at the dog. And the co-worker comes in and it's like very clearly like one of those dog owners who just got a dog. And has like that. Oh, no. Oh, my God.

I do not know what's going on with her. She went into a five minute monologue about like, oh, my God, I've had the worst week. My dog is pooping everywhere. And she's just like going on and on and on. And not like not taking a breath. And Hennessy being right there right there just sitting there and uh she's like she's like it is just crazy oh you will not believe what i'm going through and then and then she gets to the end of this like five minute monologue

and then she goes um so um how are you guys what's what's hennessey doing in today and my wife was like we're gonna put him down just started crying oh Oh my God. And it was just like, it was like, it was, I felt so bad for that woman because I was like, yes, she didn't know. And she just had like nervous first time dog energy owner thing. But it was just,

it was, it really did tickle me in the way of like distracting me from how I was thinking. I was like, this is just so funny that she's going to, I was like the whole time. Like when she gets to the end of this and she asks what we're doing here um but uh no um i i just feel i feel sad i think it's because the dog wasn't aloof at all like he was not independent in any way so i feel sad like he he would put a

lot of energy like just like like towards us in terms of like he just wanted to be held and like and like connected and touching us like so um i feel i feel sad i um i feel sad and uh thank you um i it's just a bizarre thing it's you know because you're like you can wrap your head around it but it's it's um anyways so you gave her a good life give him a good life yeah um he's yeah so that's it we can that's uh sorry your segments ruined john marco you have to get rid of that song sorry um you can't play that song anymore well the segment is done i think i like that i'm glad you know it it makes sense that you put time and effort into making a song. I thought it would make you laugh. And then only got to do it one time.

I mean, wait, but I want to know, because I'm, did you record that knowing that my dog was dead? Or did you record it before? Knowing your dog was dead. Oh, okay. Okay, good. That makes it better? No! I thought it would make you smile.

I thought it would put a laugh on your face. And the look on your face, I was like, I miscalculated. I ran it by three people. No, I would put a laugh on your face and the look on your face I was like I miscalculated I ran it by three people no I'm you know

I got a good I got a good sense of humor about things I know that you're not coming from a mean place but I was surprised but I like it no it's funny

I feel very guilty I gotta tell you do not feel guilty I feel like I'm like how do I cut this out I was thinking the whole time how can i cut this segment out i thought my friend russell would laugh at this and the look of like i've made a lot of miscalculations we can't talk about all of them on the podcast yet no but i've made miscalculations about like what people would

find funny no no that's okay but just just so you know where i'm at is i um i i'm at i'm not in a joking fucking place. No, no, I am. I am sometimes, but then it surprises you, like, what makes you upset. This is so stupid. Did I upset you, honey? No, no, no, that did not upset me. Okay.

But it is funny. I'm just talking about in general, like, general emotion. Like, I feel, like, on the, like, I'll feel fine and blah, blah, blah. But, so, I got a haircut yesterday and i i i got on i like came walked home and i got on the elevator and right before i walked into my house i started bawling thinking that i couldn't show my dog my new haircut like and then and then i started laughing because i was like what a crazy thought to be like, I can't. Oh, my God. I haven't cut my hair in a year and I can't show my dog. But that's a genuine thought.

And it made me so sad for a moment. And then Hennessy. Did Hennessy go like, hey, no, no, no, no, no, truly. No, I just was like, I don't know. I had such long hair. I was like, it'll be different. What do you think? It's like, but it just.

So you're just looking for something to like, let it just, so. You're just looking for something to like let it out. Yes. I remember going through a bad breakup. I remember once I was just like washing a pan and I was like, she cooked me dinner once.

It's just like, you're just waiting for something to burst. Yeah. And sometimes it's a haircut. Sometimes it's a very bad music cue. Your friend thought up to make you laugh.

No, I like that. So let's, let's bring on our guest. to make you laugh. No, I like that. Let's bring on our guest. We're so excited. I saw she was on a New York flyer, and I immediately contacted Fawn. I said, Atsuko's here. She's in New York.

We need to get her, and we've found time. You may know her from all sorts of of things she just had a great thing on hulu a short that dropped on hulu that was fantastic please uh welcome atsuko welcome to the show thank you so much for having me on can i try the gate because on the flyer it just said atsuko are you going just by your first name or is that just what they did you know i just go by atsuko to help people you know sure i'm a helpful person i love that i've always wanted to go by just last name yes yeah i've always wanted to do just jamarco but i feel like it would it would be people you know people to me to you it works no no no but yeah no i don't

want to be like i'm not like share you know what i'm saying i don't want to be like oh much more syllables to share yeah exactly madonna otzuko i've been trying to tell people that like we're different okay yeah and share and madonna and who else goes by first name i don't know uh sure okay yeah now in your in your video you said when you were when you're a kid, you went by, was it Stacy? Stacy. Stacy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that, do a lot of Hatsukos abbreviate to Stacy? You know what's wild? Wait, okay, this feels, can I just say, I feel a little psychotic just going into me when Russell just poured his heart out.

Sure. And you were there as a friend. It was really beautiful to watch. Was it? Oh, good. Emotional rollercoaster on my end. Just sitting here quietly you have no idea what i felt bad uh because i was like i want to be honest about it

and then he brought the thing in but then i did realize that maybe i should have say or the dog dying till later on not as the warm-up not as the the intro no i mean i think it's good it's good to cover you know all bases it's life yeah you know i mean that jingle was catchy though like that it was it's actually we use it for another segment normally and so i like i reached out i got the lyric free version i recorded at least five takes last night to get the perfect the hennessy and the uh how is your dog ross are two separate tracks mixed it thank you for your hard work. Scooter Braun produced it. Yeah, four takes, boom, and done.

But yeah, no, I was like, wait, hold on. My mind started feeling wild just being like, yeah, you know, it's not like Usher. It's not like McDonald's. I mean, there's a whole family who just lost and grieving. Have you had to put down any pets recently no no but i did get uh mine's different i i rehomed a dog uh i was crying a lot too but it's you know it's different people don't feel bad for you you know because you're an asshole you know what i'm saying yeah

yeah what what led to the rehoming we were were in over our heads. Me and my husband are children. We don't know how things work. We hear that it's hard to have a dog. And then we're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. Yeah, of course it's hard to have a dog. It's a lot of responsibilities. You know, those words, we hear it, but I don't think we really process words sometimes. We think we can do it.

We got an eight-month-old dog, puppy. And yeah, we were like, oh, this is a lot of work. Yeah. We just started repeating the things people were telling us. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, this is a lot of responsibility. And it's like, we're going to start traveling. The pandemic's going to be over.

Yeah. Anyway, she's in a better home now. Yeah. That's good. That's good. I mean, if you make sure it goes to a better home, that's not a bad thing. No, totally. We didn't just throw her in the streets.

Can you imagine if you had and then we were just like, oh, okay. And we were trying to be supportive. Like, okay, interesting. Or Russell, you could have the dog. You'd be like, you'd rehome at your place. She was like, hey. But I do feel like you want to feel better yeah i mean if i could find the dog i just do you know i don't know where it is are there what in l.a are there loose dogs yeah see that's so weird like when you if you go to a place where there's like like dogs

on the street that are unowned dogs oh yeah wild dogs yeah that's a surreal like there's a feeling in me of like oh like this is a a world like society is crumbling if there's loose dogs it feels like society's crumbling oh yeah my dad lives in indonesia he just got bit by a dog but they run they run the streets they rule the world do they have do they have anything to... If a dog came up to me, do they have little guns? Little guns? If these dogs are wildly biting you everywhere... Yeah, it's called wild teeth. Wild, rabbit, foaming.

They'll go crazy. They're crazy dogs. Is your dad okay? He had to go get a... He had to make sure he didn't have rabies. Rabies. Yeah, yeah yeah and then got a shot antibacterial oh something like that i always thought i think the rabies shot is in the stomach isn't it i thought it was like really extreme and then also antibacterial oh god what the

fuck is going on no we can keep going you guys keep talking i'll figure this out guys we have to start we have to do the whole dead dog bit again i think you can do it russell oh my goodness you guys keep talking so you're okay so your dad got bit yeah let's talk let's talk about your family well tell me your family situation i think you have a very unique family where so your parents they got divorced they're divorced And my dad lives with his ex-wife in Indonesia, in Bali. His ex-wife like before you and your mom's marriage? Well, so that's my stepmom, I guess. I see.

But now ex because they broke up. Yeah. The pandemic was hard for everyone. You know? Oh, they broke up during the pandemic? They broke up. I'm pretty sure during the pandemic. And then they're like, well, we still have to quarantine together.

I remember there was a really funny thing because, you know, China had all these cases and kind of recovered from it. There was a surge in divorces. Yes. And like the government like was releasing like very strange kind of like propaganda about like fixing your relationship. And it was like it was obviously putting the onus on the woman where it was like it was like maybe don't nag so much at the house like because it is like the government trying to give like relationship advice which obviously

it's gonna be horrible it feels like a buzzfeed article you know what i mean like to be 10 ways to you know keep your marriage together like it's such a weird, government doesn't give you tips like that. They shouldn't. Well, America government, like, our birth rate is declining in America. Like, I remember once Paul Ryan was like, guys, have kids. And it's like, go fuck yourself. You think that you just get to be like, guys, come on, have a kid. You fix all the things that lead to no kids.

Is it going to be an issue if we have less? I feel like we have too many people. Well, I think the issue starts, you have an old, like groups of society that are older and you don't have younger people to help, you know, install the AC and take them to the hospital. Should we wait? No, no, we can talk.

We have police sirens. We were right by the street. And I've said occasionally. This is an interesting siren. Yeah, I haven't heard sounds like a bazooka no is that i don't know what they use here nypd i always hope that it won't get picked up by the machine and then i go to the recording and it's like so we can talk over it but okay it's it's just it gives people the sense so chill being in new york everything's freaking me out i'm just like what's that how much time you spent what's that is that a poster huh this is a big head a big head of you yeah um sorry one more time have i spent much a

lot of time in new york or no no i've only because i was saying like you know i've been in la there's comedy there sure industry there you know i haven't really had to come out to new york you know um so this is maybe like my i don't know fourth time here yeah it's still very new yeah yeah yeah i'm just yeah it's it's overwhelming pointing at everything i point at everything you're the person in the street looking up like their buildings are so tall is that the big apple is that the big apple just all they just is that the big apple you've just been in times square for the last two days no in brooklyn going is that like that is that like glendale i'm like okay it's just everything i'm trying to come it's so it's

like when i go to la and i'm like i don't know anything in la the sections west hollywood hollywood what was i gonna say what were we talking about your family yeah yeah no they yeah you you were born in japan i was born in taiwan taiwan and then grew up in japan well i was in japan till 10 and then just la the rest of the time uh-huh yeah and your dad when did your parents split up how How old were you? They split up when I was a baby, like a year old. Okay. Yeah. And then.

Did you go back and forth? What is divorce like in Japan and Taiwan? Like, is it like everyone gets joint custody after that? Is it? Yeah. Nobody really, like, people were trying not to get divorced in Japan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, like, our family was like.

As opposed to here where it seems like we're racing to it. Yeah. Couples just... Which I respect. You respect it. I think it's good to have high divorce rates, right? I think so, too, because I think you're like,

well, then, you know, I'm assuming everyone tried to make it work. Yeah, why? So you're a little like, if, like, otherwise, then if it's low, I feel like, i don't know something's off it should be i don't know it's about like how the divorce happens how i mean i

think people really strive for the to fix the marriage to the point where they then resent each other so much but then i think if we want a better rate we need to encourage less people to get married does that make sense i think what we need to do, you know how... Wow, this is really... Too early for me. It's still like nine in LA. You know how you have a prenup with finances? No, I'm just kidding.

I know. Good one. Really good one. It's such a good joke. I'm so glad I threw it in. Okay, keep going. I think they need to have a pre-custody where before you have a kid you agree to the terms of what the divorce custody arrangement will be like oh so then you

don't have to deal with it that's like divorce that's smart divorce is all divorce is like fine if it's just the two of you it's just kids is where things get horrible for sure i like that that's smart because it is always like when tension's high like that's the worst time to decide like a whole kid situation but um yeah that's assuming like people don't change so it's like the mom might have lost her mind you know before i don't know you know like after the dad the preust. Or the dad, sorry. I'm just talking about my mom. Sure, sure, sure. So tell me. My mom got custody.

She has schizophrenia. She has epilepsy. She has paranoid schizophrenia. She threw things at my half-siblings and stuff. Like, she was very abusive. But because at the time, like, pretty much I feel like internationally, custody went to the mother figure. Sure. figure sure so yeah so she got full custody you're one years old even came in with like to the judges like my brother was like showing injuries

from my mom on his head my sister too like had a bald spot from where my mom grew like pulled her hair out and the judge was still like yeah i, I think the baby should be with his mother. Yeah. So the pre-cusp thing, um, pre-cusp, pre-cusp, pre-cusp,

pre-cusp. It also, it sounds a little too close to pre-cum. It does. I don't like it. It makes me feel. The pre-custody. But it is.

I think you could just say pre-custody. But to be fair, it is pre-cum. It's pre-you-coming-forming-the it is pre-cum it's pre-you coming forming the kid so maybe it does fit but no the cum could have happened

they could she could be pregnant and then they could be deciding you know yeah it's not it's not gonna work in practice

I think we've we've already realized but okay so you had older siblings I had older siblings yeah and your mom did she show signs of schizophrenia earlier? Did it happen later in her life?

It happened, like, yeah. So they got divorced, like, a year into the marriage. I was born in between that time. So, like, during that time. How old was she? Like, were they young, young parents? No, my mom was in her 30s. That is, yeah. like early early 30s yeah okay are you okay are you worried he's mid-30s now no not at all i just when you know when when you find out someone has something and then they

yeah they they maybe didn't have signs and blah blah blah, blah. And then just like, I think that's the scariest thing with your brain. Do you be like, do you think in theory I can trust it? Can you put it in paper? Like, okay, when our kids, if we get divorced, it'll go to so-and-so. And it's like, well, it's kind of like, you know, the known traveler ID at the airport. Like I have one where you can just go to T tsa pre-check or they don't check your stuff as much yeah i want to get it oh it's great it's so easy you have to yeah you just give your thumbprint if you're not like paranoid about stuff i'm not i mean you you know i don't i

wouldn't blame you if you know yes they have the information at this point i i gave up a long time ago i'm just like don't do anything illegal then all you do is like right just give a thumbprint and it was like a payment of something i don't know 200 bucks yeah i think 150 yeah 150 and then that's it but then you know every time i get to go through the tinier line because i did that i'm always like so they just we just had to do it once and that's it like they just assume we're never gonna change like you know what i mean like yes they're good a good person we did that background check yeah and like they're just never gonna change you know what i mean yeah is that wild is that me being paranoid no no no i it's an interesting thing yeah i think uh yeah, yeah. Also, I will say this.

I don't even know if I officially have it, but usually my wife buys the tickets and she has it, and then we both get to go, and I'm like, I didn't even do the special process yet. Oh, you didn't. And they'll just be like, we both can go through. Oh, right, yeah. So I'm a little like, they really aren't fully checking,

but sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't work. So I need to fully do it. So it always works. Oh, interesting. I'm going to get it. So you're in custody with with your mom do you ever see your dad as a kid sorry i've only spent like three three hours no that's okay so my mind is like you guys have blown my mind like 12 times just probably saying just regular stuff sure sure i seem like slower i'm like we'll just double it in the recording so

it's just like guys i've only slept three hours so if i see the can you play that song one more time the hennessy song is being deleted forever like you know like they delete recordings like for eternity oh yeah like there's some i think it would just reset my brain if i heard it one more time okay never mind okay i'm with you okay uh so okay so you grew up with your mom having custody and she's having schizophrenia what would they call it full-blown i was at the term like that's full-blown schizophrenia like no doubt no like schizophrenia yeah she has a hundred percent yeah max level and so yeah and now is her full mode how was that as a kid uh it was crazy sure sure tense she was like you know the stepmom in the disney movies that was but that was my but it was the mop yeah you know what i'm saying

yeah i yeah she was like you're not my real stepmom stop treating me like but i couldn't do that i didn't you know it was like and then you dream and then a prince comes and picks you up or whatever is that how it is yeah yeah yeah prince comes and it's like you don't have to live under this crazy stepmom's rule rain anymore yeah no it was this was my house so your mom was like forcing you to like make dresses with animals yeah yeah yeah and birds the mice aren't talking i know no that's why yeah um people have been like well have you started hearing voices you know did you have that fear for a while uh i did but then apparently it skips a generation is it that simple yeah is it that

they always say things like that i'm like is biology it just skips i know right i don't know it just seems so easy i haven't read articles saying yes it definitely skips if i feel like it's a lot harder than that yeah it would be like many many pages it's just right of yeah i don't know some recessive gene shit i don't know this stuff so but i feel like i'm i mean i'm probably around her the age when she started hearing voices if it happened on the podcast i think it would be don't fuck with me don't be playing no hennessy what are these other buttons for there's other songs we're gonna don't replay my voice or something oh i don't know i'm just kidding you know we're broadcasting this right later yeah so we will be replaying your voice yeah yeah i still freak out i'm like wait hold on it's very stressful i'm still in a lot of i

gotta tell you all i can think about is like people are gonna hear this tennessee clip and they're gonna abandon me no no no no no no i know you i know you did it with love even in the way you said tennessee yeah yeah you could see the love was in that i know i i i knew i knew you were you're the only person i don't want to upset Are you good at upsetting people? You're a very feel good comedian I am

yeah It's not disgusting to say out loud I just my nose starts bleeding I'm a feel good comedian It's gotta be tough

though I think like with John Mulaney was doing all these shows recently and it's very interesting because he has

I don't even think he's... Issues. He has issues, but like his brand has kind of been put together. He's married. And now it's like, you know, now he's with Olivia Munn.

And people are like, like people are remembering that, you know, he has a dick and balls. And like he, you know, it's, it's,

I think they like this very clean kind of cutter. Yes. Image of cutter. Yes. Image of him. And now Olivia Munn is there and they're like, oh, I bet she sat on his face. Oh, my God. And they're just adjusting their image. Oh, my God. No.

Not John Mulaney. No, they just spooned. So I just I'm so curious about this family because because your your grandma your mom's mom yes she is a big part of your life she ended up taking care of me so yeah was she there the whole time i was it wasn't all like me singing to mice and like you know dishes being thrown at me there was a another person there my grandma you know taking me to school and helping me with homework and cooking me meals and are you ever able to piece together like when your mom does stuff like that like what is going through her mind like why she thinks like why did she pull your sister's hair out or like

why did she throw the dishes what did she see or think was happening um yeah well with my sister yeah she was just upset that you know she wasn't really her child I think and was afraid my dad would start paying more attention to the other kids yeah because I was the product of my dad and my mom I was the only child out of those two I see so I think that that I get it was like jealousy anytime my dad spent too much time with them or something she would this is your older sister yeah yeah so he was married before he's been married three times now he's been married yeah three times three times yeah hopeless romantic he keeps one word for it he keeps trying and now they're broken up too so

yeah do you have a relationship with your mom still i do yeah yeah we're very close i'm closer to my grandma but they live together my grandma still takes care of my mom okay yeah and so we were talking about having kids anyway i really don't want any you don't want any kids no i don't want to add to this generation it's pretty wild well especially if it's skipping a generation you know oh it's a lot of like oh, here's the wild part guys Is there I love these I've never wanted to tell you get to tell you guys like hey And I know and I like I like uncomfortable put my feet on your chair and I don't even know that's no I mean look at me

Look, I mean, I at me. Look at me. I know, but it's like... You guys are wearing shoes. Yes? Oh, I said you guys aren't wearing shoes. I know. We're so gross, Russell. No, that's okay. I might take mine off, but I'm not going to.

They're very sweaty right now. We're not wearing shoes, but what if me and John Marko just kind of high-fived with your feet together? I mean, you know, I've been... Our feet are probably cleaner than our hands. No, I love, our feet are probably cleaner than our hands. Our feet are cleaner than our hands. Why? Because our hands are touching everything.

I don't wipe my ass with my feet. You're right. We did this sketch for Uncle Function where Russell takes a shot out of my belly button. And it's justified in the sketch. But people always go like, ugh. And it's like, my belly button is probably cleaner than anything else on my body. Yeah, you're right. You clean it.

So you're in Japan until you're 10 years old and you come to... I'm about to sneeze. You can sneeze. I don't want to be condescending, but that was three small coughs in a row. It's so hard being a feel-good comedian. That was three small coughs in a row. It's so hard being a feel-good comedian.

You just have to watch your every move. You can't be wild. You can't be sounding like that. Do you ever have a darker joke that you're like, I can't do this, it's mean? No, that's not true. No, I don't really, I'm not even, I don't even know how I became a feel-good comedian you said it i'm not i took this off a tweet i saw where you called yourself oh and i did it in quotes though air

quotes i think yeah yeah yeah because i was also kind of like joking but are you okay oh no i was like i i i bet like you were like just like you were you were saying feel-good comedian but by putting in quotes you're like but not like you're not you're fully embracing the right yeah i mean you know i like shake my butt you do a lot of dancing yeah you're a prolific dancer i'd say it's like you know that's not family friendly is it but you do it with your grandma next to you so that makes it so that makes it feel yeah it's a real it's a real conflict of is this sexual is this family time i've gotten dick pics recent yeah just dick pics from those videos i don't know if i've created a new category you know because it's not like it's not like you

can see my butthole you know what i mean it's just they say i think that video would would break the internet though if you'd really it would my but'd really and there was still an 85 year old woman just in the background like clapping to the beat yeah i don't know because i'm like i don't know if they want me to have the pic or if it's for for me and grandma your grandma has more twitter followers than me like she has a twitter account that is thriving does she write those captions? She's wild. We talk about what we want to tweet together. She was like, I'll get on the internet because I told her people really love you.

And she was like, well, what's the best way? She's like, I don't have pictures and stuff for Instagram. So I was like, well, if you just want to say stuff to your fans, Twitter is probably the best place for you you know would she ever headline on the road without you like your grandma at a funny bone in toledo man i would love to see that i would i will manage that she's is she was she always funny because your grandma like she's perfect for the video. She knows exactly, she's comedically inclined. She is.

If I tried to get my grandparents when they were alive on a TikTok, it would be the most awkward shit. It would be uncomfortable. It would be horrible. But maybe that's good. No. Well, my grandma's not necessarily comedically, I don't know. When she danced to the Lil and watch the video she knows exactly

she's just like she knows that she knows that yeah that's musicality hard but it's funny it's perfect that's musicality but yeah maybe maybe she does have comedic i should stop yeah if i want to manage her i should start like talking her up right yeah yeah yeah she just was born with it. You know, where are you going to be on stage? And I'll be like, we want your grandma.

Oh yeah. We want the both of you. I don't know what I would do. It's like when you're like, someone leaves the spice girls to do a solo career. And they're like, no, you're a,

you're a team. Right. Yeah. That was hard for two of them. I think they all, they all tried. Yeah. Did they?

Yes. Oh yeah. Emma. what's her name Emma I forget her last name but baby spice my favorite was baby spice loved baby spice sporty Spice went on and had a pretty successful solo career and then and then scary Spice which is Melanie B yeah she's now a judge she She's doing like American. She's making money. Yeah. She's doing American stuff. But she was like in rent on Broadway. And that's when you knew something had gone wrong.

But then she got, she was with Eddie Murphy. Oh, yeah. That's her baby daddy. She was. So she's rich. She's got money for sure. She's got money. Yeah.

Yeah. Did you like the Spice Girls? I did. Really? I wasn for sure. She's got money. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Did you like the Spice Girls? I did. Really? I wasn't like, I wasn't obsessed, but I remember I liked it. You kind of seem like a Baby Spice boy too. Yeah. I think Baby or Posh.

Okay. Yeah. But I think I was a Baby Spice too. I would be uncomfortable if I liked a group now and I was like, I like Baby Spice. When I was in second grade, it was kind of like cool. No, I know. Yeah. We know it's not today.

But it is kind of weird. You know, there are some older guys being like, yeah, I like Baby Spice. For sure, yeah. She's always got a lollipop. There were a lot of weird things happening. She had those pigtails, yeah. I saw them in concert in second grade.

Oh, you saw them? Oh, yeah. And I brought a date to it. Wow. In second grade. Oh, you saw them? Oh, yeah. And I brought a date to it. Wow. In second grade. Wait, hold on. Her parents were like, no, her parents were there.

It was my dad and his girlfriend. And her parents were like horrified. They were like, we thought we didn't have to deal with our daughter dating until high school. And in second grade, my dad, who's like the single dad wearing a leather jacket to school but we had to leave her curfew was 10 so we had to leave second song into the concert

oh wait that's a late ass concert well they don't start too late they're fun they were superstars it was sold out massive concert and uh they just didn't start until late and they got to their second song and they start singing i tell you what i want what i really really want as we packed up our things to leave that is and i started crying and crying john marco may i say that kind of like childhood i so don't know like you were able to go to a concert second, sorry. There's a camera here that I just hit my head on. Sorry. I bobble around a lot. That's so cool that your dad took you to a concert with your girlfriend. Did you hear the part where we left and I cried?

It wasn't. I didn't love. I don't know. You go to a concert. Your first love of your life. You got to stand amongst big adults. Yeah. And your curfew is 10 bm that's

pretty late isn't it if you were don't you have school a lady gaga concert right now and a second grader was next to you yeah that's crazy that's it is weird not weird but good weird but i don't like concerts that's why everyone's talking about going back to concerts now that i hate concerts i don't like being in the middle of a big thing, but I like if I can watch a concert and feel like I can move a little bit. Russell, first concert you're going to go back to? I don't know.

I don't want anything that I'm too upset. I want to be a little bit surprised and be like, let's just get back into this. I don't even know if it has to be a big act. I feel like I could just find some cool live music thing and and and pop it does that make sense like i feel i don't want to put too much pressure i don't want to be like i'm going to see my favorite band and then be like uh i don't like it feels weird still everyone's here no one's you know like

so be surprised yeah i want to ease into it well you know nelly is one of the first people coming back with a concert surprise nelly if you want to go take a. Well, you know, Nelly is one of the first people coming back with a concert. Surprise. Oh, really? Nelly. If you want to go take a ride with me. Yeah, I remember that song from 10 years ago. Is there anything new recently? I guess pandemics, like, you know, pushed him to do something.

Good, good. I'm glad. Yeah, he's back. Are you going to go see him? I love Nelly. Nelly was my guy. I feel like you're a concert person. You're dancing.

You're twerking at the concert. Is your grandma coming? I'm not a concert person. I think maybe I'm more like you. Really? Yeah, not to choose sides. Well, I dance as well. I take some hip-hop classes.

Yeah, you like to professionally dance. I like choreo. I'm not good. Oh, you like choreo. I love choreo. That's hardcore. I love that. No, I don't really do choreo. You never's hardcore i love that no i'm not i don't really

you never took a class you never took a hip-hop class a dance class no of course of course yeah but i'm not like i'm not a professional dancer like well of course i've taken dance classes what am i i like that you're referring to john marco like he is a professional dancer no i mean i like it when people are like i'm into choreographed dancing that's a whole thing that's like i don't know it's my dream to be like what neil patrick harris does like at award shows and does like dances like that like funny dancing that is my dream okay good funny dancing at award shows my dream is yes it is my. Fuck you. You want to be prepped. Yeah.

Yeah. To be able to do funny dancing, you got to have the foundation. We did a show. The training. We did the theater show. We did that bachelorette show. Had some dancing in it. Yeah, did.

Did you enjoy that? No. It was fine. I feel like there's a sense of satisfaction when you get the moves. Like you've done the test right. But I don't feel like i got a lot of enjoyment out of it you know what did you dance for a bachelorette party uh well for many at at the same time it was a show called that batch it was it was a play an interactive play called that

bachelorette show oh okay got it where we all played like you know that's fun no wait where you played like like like someone that would be on a contestant on a on a like a reality bachelorette show oh never so there was like he was like a italian like jersey shore type guy why would they do that to you i know better better that than like i mean i could have been the jewish guy the jewish accountant guy i don't think there was one oh no they wanted ones that the fans the audience would enjoy the jewish the accountant guy that's what they made you no mine was like some slob who wandered in off the street accidentally it was like not a fun experience i mean it was it wasn't it was fun in the way that we got to do it we met through that

um but it became one of those things we were like it wasn't where we did it for a long time. Speaking of, I want to get into Quibi. No, yeah, yeah. We got to take a commercial break really quick. From Quibi. Yes, this is a commercial for Quibi. And we're back. That would be amazing.

This ad system is not very advanced. You know how when there's posters in the subway of some movie that came out five years ago and it's like no one's bought the ad space yet yeah that'd be funny if a quibi commercial came out well a lot of it's going to roku roku basically bought quibi's assets for a minuscule amount of money that's right and we were on the show we've talked about it on this before, but just to recap, it's Eye Candy, produced by Chrissy Teigen, hosted by Josh Groban. Who knew? Who knew?

Not Josh Groban. And it's not on the first batch of Roku, but it's going to be, we were with two celebrities that we did not know who they were. It's very funny because they pair you with celebrities and part of me is like,

well, you're going to pair me with another celebrity? And then the second part is that when they announce you have to react like oh my god we told this we told this story before but it is it was just my funniest moment seeing john marco and my eyes because you could tell both of us were like who are these people like we had no well because we knew the people before us had like rachelatch and Bridget Everett and we're like, great.

That's really cool. Like there were comedy people, we thought we'd like comedy people who aren't huge but we would know them. But then they had like two like singer, model,

One was an actor, one was like a DJ. I don't, it was DJ. They were both just good looking. Neither were model, they were just good looking. You were like,

there's just two models and I was hosted by a model. And we were just like, and they were just good looking you're like there's just two models um and we were just like and they were all dolled up and and they're like here they are and we yeah hello it's you too that um dj so you had a show in development at quibi i did yes yeah and it was based on your popular show let's go let's go the game show japanese game show and yeah we were developing with them for a while because we they had us shoot a pilot for them so we shot one um geez october of 2019 and then they you know holidays kind of happened and then they were like we'll get back to you we'll get back to you and i think it was like maybe february 2020 right they were like okay

you we series is bought you got a whole series with us okay wow and then right and then the pandemic hit and but you know there were still shows i think there were still shows being developed with quibi during that time so we're like we shot during the yeah in the middle of the pandemic yeah we had two tests leading up to it and oh my god were you it was that like your first shoot during the pandemic like was that it was like, your first shoot during the pandemic? Like, was that, you know? It was my first and last shoot during the pandemic. Stop it. But that was, like, you know, July.

To shoot in the summer, that still feels, like, early. It's, like, a new thing. People were still figuring it out, right? Yes, definitely. For sure. Like, COVID testing and protocols and, like, masks and, you know. Yeah. Yeah, but also, like, the reality of, like, yeah, yeah it's loose then you go to get food and

someone forgets and like right tom cruise like people were sort of lauding tom cruise for yelling oh yeah because he freaked out i'm like have you ever been to a film set yeah like what do you think is happening here it's like when comedy we're gonna be it's 100 safe socially distance i'm like the problem is once you're inside, things get loose. The thing is too, it's like SNL at the end when they all wear the masks. They just did a whole show without. SNL do the promos with their masks on. I don't understand.

I know that you're trying to, I guess, tell us to wear masks by this as a reminder. But it was one of those things where every time it happened, I i was like why are you doing this like the jig is up like you were all you were all you know right before the shooting you were like it's just like elon musk get your mask on we're shooting the promo real quick okay you can take it off now it's so true i don't understand it makes me confused yeah i'm like well what are they i'm like i wear it now no i don't wait i wear it now i wear it outside should i wear it outside. Should I wear it outside? No, I don't need to anymore.

I have to do it if I'm introducing Elon Musk. Like, you're just like. I get so confused. The other night, I like was about to have a cigarette. I was open mouthed, right? All night because I was just outside. And then like to smoke, I put on my mask. It was just so weird.

I was just like, I don't know who I am anymore. Yeah. And I was like, wait, no, I'm fine i think cdc anyway yeah quibi so did you film any of it no we didn't film any of it yeah we we wrote it and then we were kind of in pre-production when quibi um locked in the guests no not yet yeah not not yet that was the next step and then quibi was like um our our launch was you know our launch didn't do so great and so like our budget is like you know kind of we really have to be careful of budgets and so we have to like cancel some shows that you know haven't really that uh weren't super ready to shoot yet, and you guys are one.

And then we're like, okay, we get it. We got paid for it, which was nice. Was your attitude that healthy? You were like, okay. Or were you devastated? I think for me, it takes a little longer to feel things. Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

My husband felt it right away because he also was, he co-created it with me. And so he was, he felt it right away. I think he's a more healthier, normal person. Sure. I was like, I literally was like, okay, you know, you know, the industry, that's just how it works. And then just like try to go about my day to day.

But then I think over like a few months, I just like fell into like drinking more. Yeah. And I didn't even notice it's okay i had no idea honey because i was supposed to i was gonna be really busy right too as well and then it was still like pandemic twiddling my thumbs um but then i think it wasn't too long after that that that eye candy um show was announced and i was like what i thought they were like trying to watch their budget they keep announcing new shows and it's a japanese game show and in our you know decks there was a bunch of like references to like candy or not candy and other japanese game shows we wanted to do candy or not candy as one of the, you know, episode ideas.

It wasn't like a whole game show about it. So it is a little different, but, you know. I will say, I mean, they stripped, if there was, if it was a Japanese game show, which I know it was, we watched it. They stripped it of any, any like connection at all. Like the final, the final challenge, I was in a bowling alley and I had to decide, you know, pick which pieces

were made of cake. And I prayed they released it on Roku because what happened is I won, I won it and I got, you know,

five thousand bucks but there's, one of the things I picked was a giant, what are they called? Pin. And so I, you know, I took the things I picked was a giant, what are they called? Pin. And so I, you know,

I took the bite and it was cake, but holding up this cake was like a very thick brass rod. And I bit into that brass rod really hard. And one of those where I'm like, in the moment, you're like, this hurts. Do I go along?

Do I just like, it's fine. You know, i'm on tv or am i like quibi you know it's worth a trillion dollars like maybe like it's a little bit loose maybe um but i i really hope it comes out on roku i really want yeah i want to see it it's so crazy to see the final thing hear about pilots that get shot and don't air and things like this that might not air it's like there's so much fully produced content out there that just exists on a hard drive somewhere yeah no one will ever see it and like it could be fun or it could be worth like some amount of money but contracts and chrissy tegan says i gotta get this for it i'm mainly curious

because it was seven it's in theory seven minutes long. And then you're like, so you're just like, what did they keep? Because I remember I felt like at one point we, I felt like we were on Coke. Like, because we, we, we got yelled at a little bit for not having much enthusiasm when we started. So then like, we overcompensated. We're like, like, I felt like, so I'm like, if you cut seven minutes, it might be crazy. We might look like we're insane. You know? Like boiling that down, too.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I could see that. Or it could be like we're really at no energy at all, and I'm just misremembering that. I'm just curious. Wow. No, this needs to come out. I really do want to see it. Bowling Alley.

Do you know Christy? I don't know her. No. She's in some hot water recently i mean again for the bill yeah i saw that for more tweets it was like she there's some reality star like when she was like 17 that chrissy tegan kept telling her to kill herself and messaged her to kill herself no okay no i missed that and then the target dropped her her pan line stuff like because i need to buy a new pan and tova

was like oh you got to get the chrissy teigen pan and apparently it's really good and i'm like no i cannot support that how about that cookbook not either huh yeah just not at all the teigen brand the teigen brand not for now now i listened to you so you you moved to california and you were undocumented immigrants when Mm-hmm. When you first came here, was it allowed or was it from the get, it was like, it was a nervous time? It was allowed because we were here as tourists. Okay. Yeah, yeah.

And how long does that last? The visa at the time was like two, three months. Uh-huh. Yeah, yeah. And you thought you were just going for that. On a vacation. On a vacation. That happens to-huh. Yeah, yeah. And you thought you were just going for that. On a vacation. That happens to a lot of people, actually. Is that just what they tell the kids?

Or your grandma just came here and was like, this is nicer? It's what they tell the kids. I have a bunch of undocumented friends or formerly undocumented friends that that was the case, too. It's always a vacation or like we're going to disneyland that seems like emotionally you guys all talk to each other the parents like plan this wild thing yeah it's so weird like did you say like to any of your friends like hey i'll be back in two weeks yeah and then later summer vacation so i was supposed to go back to japan and start a whole new semester were there any friends that you like dearly? Yeah, I missed all of them.

That's really tough. I also didn't get to say bye to my dad because I truly thought we were just going to the States to hang out with my uncle and aunt and go to theme parks and stuff. Did your dad know, though? Was your dad like, I'll see you later? You're like, I'll be back next week.

I know, it's so wild. It made me sad to think, yeah, he knew knew, but he didn't, like they had a deal that they were going to try not to like bum me out. So I don't know how my dad kept it together. Yeah. Do you remember a moment where you were like, guys, when are we going back? Yeah. Yeah, for sure.

Because I would count down. They enrolled me in summer school here and I was like like learning cursive and, you know what I mean? Penmanship, English. Essential parts of being an American. Cursive. Cursive. It's such a thing. Is that?

No. Oh, yeah. It used to be. I don't know if it still is. Oh, it was. I think they've stopped. But I remember second grade, third grade. And I just used it to sign my name.

That's it. I just need to learn it to sign my name. That's it. I just need to learn how to do a G. It's so weird. Yeah. Because then only like what? Only like a couple of professions use cursive, right? Yeah. Who does use cursive still?

Just like doctors and lawyers. Sign people, like people who make painters. Oh, painters. Just signing your name though. You mean just the name. Prop masters. like people who make painters oh painters just signing your name though that's it prop masters probably have to like or prop decorators i mean full-on paragraphs you know were you good at it are you a good penmanship i got pretty freaking good i fucking enrolled for two months sure sure and then i got out i was like i don't know i don't know what if it was

just like a cursive school they enrolled me into i don't know what i learned and then we did like a play the little red hen or something and then do you know that one no is that albie i think it's a yeah musical now could you were you speaking english before you came uh no no no no so you learned it at what age i learned it when i came at 10 i learned it it's amazing the summer school kids i was always so bad at languages just the thought of truly learning another language is amazing to me like fear really helps you learn things yeah yeah you know when you're like whoa no no i can't be like eating alone yeah wow fear really makes you like i think you know like prison like you just pick up things i don't know not to equate my situation to prison it's like prison you know no that's

the part that's missing from rosetta stone i think they try to teach it to you like in a cute way yeah rosetta stone needs to like a pressure of friends to isolate no one likes you oh my god that would be funny though i think because that actually would work it worked for me you know fear of like being alone being alone and no friends you know i think that's why like in french class there came the point where they started teaching you could only speak french in class like it got to like fourth grade fifth grade like now you can only talk in french if you're going to talk in class. And so I'd have to go to the bathroom. But I didn't remember the word for

I have to go or bathroom. And so I'd be stuck there. And the teacher would be like, you got to say the thing. And I'd be like, I had to go to the bathroom. She's like, nope, wrong tense. But that's all.

That's it. And then I just left. And then you still went pee. Then I still went pee. Yeah. Yeah, I wasn't going to. If it was a scary situation. What kind of school?

My little private school. They're going to be like, no, piss your pants. Learn a lesson. But you'd learn French faster. Perhaps. You would learn it. I know no other language. Oh, I have to piss on myself if I don't learn that sentence.

You were fucking. Yeah. Little John Marco. Oh, my God. To fucking next time time we'll have that sentence down not that i'm promoting like abuse or whatever but kind of i guess i might be better language your teacher is better so do you how long did it take you before you really felt like you could like i'm still i'm still learning there's lot of, I just, sometimes I just make up words and I just use it when I'm talking to people and people just understand that.

We all do that, right? Like just make up words anyway. Sometimes. I think so. Like slang, you know. People just say things. Do you know one time I realized that for a while, instead of saying granted, like granted, I was saying granite. And then I was like, one day I said it, I was like, I'm not saying the right word.

And I was like, it was like, I was like, how many years have I been saying granite instead of granted? And sounded like people were like, what is that? Like, but I, so I got really embarrassed because I was like, I must that? Like, um, but I, so I got really embarrassed cause I was like, I must've said this thousands of times and not realized. And then I don't know what, one day it struck me that I was saying the wrong word.

I love that moment where you just go like, what? Yeah. Oh my God. Flashback to every time you said it at your job interview. Well, I heard the wildest pronunciation for ocean yesterday from a person from here. Okay.

What'd they say? White guy, you know, just like, again, I'm just saying like someone who's from like speak English. You don't have to. You said that in a way where you like. I didn't want it to be like. You were going to be like, whoa, whoa, whoa. White guy?

No, I just. Maybe we're there now. We're finally like, he was a white guy maybe we're there now we're finally like he was a white guy I'm not saying all white guys say ocean like this it was just wild I actually was like oh maybe I've been I had like a

granite moment he said so cause I was gonna be at tiny cupboard which is like I guess ocean Ocean Hill. People like to say Ocean Hill, but maybe it's like actually more Brownsville. I don't know. See, I sound crazy.

I just take the train to Chouncy stuff. We're going to do a live podcast recording at the Tiny Cupboard this summer. We don't know the date yet. Okay. They'll probably cancel on us. Be there. It's a cool place. I don't know.

I was trying to help out. Okay. They're doing fine. TBA. Yes. Okay. cancel on us be there so it's a cool place i don't know i was trying to help out okay tba um uh yes okay so he said oh it was ocean the word ocean he said olsen oh really very confidently i said i said oh i thought it was Ocean Hill I've been saying it and then he said no you're right it's Ocean and I was like no so it's I said it's Ocean

and he's like yeah Ocean so it freaked me out I don't know what is that a Brooklyn thing? I don't know thank god you didn? A Brooklyn thing? You can't do that. SH maybe. Maybe he's a thing. I don't know. Thank God you didn't know him when you were a kid learning English. No, but he said other SH words.

He was like shit, you know, and things like that. Oh, okay. He's like shit, this ocean looks so good. Maybe he's like an aristocrat or something. I don't know. It sounds very like ocean. Ocean. Ocean.

Ocean. Ocean. Ocean. Yeah. Do you know when some of that happens, do you have a momentary like, oh, fuck, I learned it wrong for all these years? Kind of, yeah. All, most words, yeah. Ocen. Ocen. Do you know when something like that happens, do you have a momentary like, oh, fuck, I learned it wrong for all these years? Kind of, yeah. Most words, yeah.

You know. Because it's like... You haven't fucked up a single word this whole podcast. Thanks. Yeah. That's what I told him. I was like, yeah, it's ocean. I became the asshole.

I was like, learn this. Hello, how long have you been here? I was like, no. Can you imagine? I would never. You should. Fuck this nice comic. Say, hey, dumbass. Wait, this was a comic. No, no, no.

Photographer. But you guys know him, yeah. And he's very nice. Because he does all the comics. I can't wait until someone, every time I see a photographer, I'm at the show and be like, hey, have you been to, what's the other word for the beach? It's you.

He's all like, oh, scene? That would trip me out. Anyway, okay. All right. I feel like we really got away from what was important here, which was. You learned English fast, which is incredible. Oh, no. What was your point?

I forgot. No, I forgot. I was going to say, you guys were going to be at the tiny cupboard sometime in the summer. Oh, no, this wasn't the plug section of the show. Oh, okay. We use every story about you to plug something of ourselves. You're like, speaking of learning languages, we will be speaking the language at the tiny cupboard next week, 6 p.m. A language.

On the roof. Oh, man. And now you're you're married i'm married you're married so you learn nothing from your father nothing from my father i'm such a like i think being married getting married is like actually like a very childlike thing to do like to like fall for it easy or fast you know and uh it's because i'm a little stunted maybe like i'm also a hopeless romantic um but yes i didn't learn i think i i did learn that my dad didn't have fun in his marriages and like i like i'm such a kid i love to play that like that's um like i think that keeps our marriage, like, not feeling like a serious thing. Yeah.

Does that make sense? Oh, I love that. What is it like working together? Like, my girlfriend now, at the time of this recording, my girlfriend Tova, it's May 15th. Is. She's a comedy person. Okay, you made me nervous. I was like, oh, oh are we is she okay

like we're eating the time like oh i was gonna like one up russell's story like we put her to sleep and i how is your girlfriend oh my god that would have been good um next song yeah you'd have to yeah anyway and put her to sleep a lot there would be a lot of things That would have been good. Um, next song. Yeah. Well, you'd have to, yeah. Anyway, and put her to sleep. A lot of, there'd be a lot of things that would have to occur. So you,

you work together. Yeah. And I was saying, Tova and I, we, we make smaller scale. We make little comedy videos together, but like,

it can be tense. Cause I'm like, I want this Tik TOK to be good. No, of course. And, and how do you, how do you navigate? Do you have, do you have any rules? I'm, I'm alert. Like, do you have any'm like, I want this TikTok to be good. No, of course. And how do you navigate?

Do you have any rules? I'm like, do you have any like, no talking about the Quibi, no more complaining about Quibi after 10? That's so interesting. I know people do that, right? Like put a time limit. Like after dinner,

we don't talk anything about work at all. You just have to be more, I mean, I've learned to be more intuitive or more like oh she's not feeling me running jokes time yeah yeah yeah and in the beginning some of my girlfriends when i was first like studying stand-up not girlfriends but people are seeing they they got brutal like all right just 10 more pages of bits i want to run by it was brutal the first person i was seeing when when i started stand-up like she really got okay brutal right yeah it's the

intuitiveness helps you just reading i don't do i'm not good at we're not good at structure oh this was the other thing i was going to tell you my husband's mom also schizophrenic really oh my god yeah wow should not have kids well yeah so we shouldn't have kids for sure yeah no i heard that it skips but two it cancels each other out oh so it'll actually be a super genius from just a word of mouth that's amazing did you know that when you first started dating we didn't know no we found out like the third day. That's why. It just like got brought up. And like literally we were like, we just, we had like the crazy, we had sex that night. It was like wild too.

We were just like, oh my God. Our moms have a bunch of straight hair. We deserve this. Yeah. We were just like throwing each other. Yeah. What the fuck? Yeah, no, but we were quiet for like a quiet for like you're pulling each other's hair you're like your mom did that too to you

yeah no totally just our all the demons all the demons it was yeah but that's a beautiful that's wild that's a is crazy i don't know what the percentage of people have schizophrenia or you know what i'm saying it's just weird that we were getting along and like liking each other and then yeah and then like we were about to like have sex actually on the third date and then that he got a phone call from his mom and he's like it's my mom i gotta go take it and so like i was on the bed like in my my underwear and then like he was i just heard him he was gone for like an hour and i was just like what is going on that's why because think of you're lying in bed with someone they're like it's my mom i gotta take yeah you'd be like yeah i was like oh no yeah i mean maybe something's really wrong yeah but now where you're like or

like he's like yes mom yes mother you know i don't know and then he's like mom i have a woman here i would like to perform sex yeah yeah i need you to give me permission or whatever you're lying there you have no idea yeah but then towards the end i hear him like comforting her and so which i still don't know it could be like it's okay mother it's okay i will wait till marriage i don't know what he's saying. Yeah. He comes back and he was like, I'm so sorry. My mom has this thing.

I don't know if you've heard of it. Schizophrenia. And I literally was like, what? I was like, fuck me. My mom too. Yeah.

No, seriously. And that'd be crazy the next day. Like one of you found out the other was lying just because you were like, I wanted to connect. Like, i wanted to still have sex i felt like it was the easiest way to connect yeah i'm just oh yeah my mom my mom too did you this is i guess it's did you then talk like i feel like that's a five hour conversation or did you just you're like let's have sex and then we're gonna have really good pillow you would think but it

was this weird thing where it's it's um it's like we suddenly understood like it's like why it was clicking so well yeah maybe a part of it but also like it's like we saw each other's childhoods or something it's just like really easy and you don't have to even really be like okay so does your mom also like check the ceilings for mics too you know we didn't have to do that yeah yeah i think we just got that that happens you know and then because his mom used to do that my mom's a little different she's she's more like just in general we can't like the government's listening to us i read that she has she doesn't shower she also doesn't shower right yeah that's wild yeah she doesn't shower now what does she think is gonna happen there i think it's you know it's always like you know like paranoias with

schizophrenia always like a version of like the truth honestly for me you know like because uh being her daughter i sometimes i have to like you know uh to get her to try to to get her to do normal things like get vaccinated or something i have to lie to her which sucks because i just have to do the polar opposite of whatever she thinks or, you know. What did you say for vaccinated? So she's like paranoid schizophrenic. So she's not, she's not wrong. She's not wrong. But I have to be like, mom, you know, the vaccine's like 130% effective.

You don't have to say shit like that. That's what the government should be doing. They need to be exaggerating a little bit. It's 130% effective. Yeah. And, you know, even when she's like, the government should be doing they need to be exaggerating a little bit it's 130 effective yeah and you know even when she's like the government's listening to us i have to be like no they're not even when i know she's not playing the song you know what i'm saying yeah yeah um so for baths she just thinks like soaps are like chemicals and it's not our bodies should be natural and so she's so scared of soap so she won't get near anything that's been around soap so like a shower is one so she hasn't showered in 20 years

she just got lazy too and the body just adjusts where it doesn't smell or produces like things that i think because she also doesn't leave the house she doesn't really sweat that much yeah yeah yeah yeah it's it's it's wild she's kind of like a walking miracle you know yeah yeah i'm just obsessed that that you and your husband have that in common i had no idea i mean because i always have a thing where when i was younger i'd always meet kids who had divorced parents and i remember and i didn't know if it was you know uh i was connecting the dots after the fact but i always thought like people with fucked up families like oh i i get along with them or people and i just imagine anyone who has a parent who who is mentally has a problem that where you have to take care of them yeah would be a very strong connection i just think it's a little yeah yeah no yeah we had it's so some people think we uh

met because of it or so or like we got along because of it like um which I don't know like a website I don't know oh it's like a dating site for schizo moms dot com I don't know it's not the worst idea in the world but that's, can you imagine that being your only criteria to find a partner? It's not the same way of going on JDate or the same way of going on like Farmers Only. Like it's just a starting point. Yeah.

I mean, frankly, like a better starting point would be like, I'm a night owl. Like that would be like a huge first step. Yeah, it does umbrella more things. But that's the other thing. You're more of a night owl than that's your wife and it works out well i wouldn't have signed up probably for that sole criteria oh cousin you might have not met well yeah and i just didn't i don't think of

myself first and foremost right and i guess i don't think of myself as like a daughter of a schizophrenic yeah you know so i do think of myself as a child of divorce that's how i identify you're very relatable i think what 50 of people i think your dad would dig my jokes he'd get it yeah yeah he'd understand well he's not a child of he is a divorcee yeah but i think i think they get it um all right. We should go on to our next segment. Do you remember this one? Yes. Oh, good.

I'm excited. I do know the buttons this time. Okay. I'm very careful now. I don't want to press. This has got to stop. This has got to stop. This is where we talk about something that has got to stop.

Atsuko, do you have something for us that this has got to stop? I'm not going to be good at this at all. It's fine. Okay. It's more for myself. That at all. That's fine. Okay. Oh, it's more for myself. That's great. That's great. I think that like I'm going to definitely stop trying to do stuff that's not my interest. Like trying to convince myself that maybe it is an interest of mine.

What's something you've done recently that you were like, I didn't to do this a getaway to the desert uh-huh and i packed up my bags and i thought oh maybe i'm a getaway to the desert kind of person uh-huh uh-huh and then whose idea was this mine oh because during the pandemic you know it sounds good at least not as opened up so i was traveling back and forth all last year so i know okay yeah i'm sort of joking but i did go once at one point you were shooting quibi during like four months into the pandemic jesus christ you know yeah um that's great so you went to the desert right so i was i've been on instagram a lot and just seeing what other people were doing like making sourdough and stuff you know i knew sourdough wasn't an interest of mine so i would i didn't know myself enough to not know i wasn't gonna do that you know but the desert i was i didn't know i tricked myself you know i saw

people in indio where coachella happens i was oh maybe i can do that too maybe i'm that kind of person and then what were you gonna do there just you sit in the sand like what just make sand angels to marco how dare you that is what you do and then you sit in the sand dust blowing into your eyes um and the sun's there and then because we went to a place with like no cell reception and then it's just no human for miles and miles and miles no other humans yeah yeah um no restaurants too for miles and miles it was like really secluded and while we were out there and then like we heard birds chirping and stuff screaming really and like we like so pretty much those things the four things i named are like all that goes on and me and my husband like after like a half day of that we were like well like what do we do for the rest of the day you know yeah we're

like i think this is definitely someone else's interest and that's okay you know like but we like wasted like three days because we really thought we might enjoy like we're not silent retreat kind of people yeah yeah because we also don't like hike so that wasn't something we could do to kill time we literally kind of just like bopped around near the cabin for like that's you know how much time that is like time moves so slow when you're just like oh you know what kind of tree do you think that is like it really moves slow when you first said, I thought you went for like four hours. And I was like, that would be too much for me. Days?

No, four hours is a long time. Yeah, for sure. For sure. Yeah. All right. Well, yeah, I think this has got to stop. Now we're going to go on to the last part of the show. You Better Count Your Blessing.

You better count your blessing you better count your blessing we're so blessed to have you here do you have a blessing that you want to share do you guys have one too we do okay oh great okay normally we do it this has got to stop but today we're we'd have a tight i'll start then so i especially i want to do it especially after the beginning of this episode my blessing is my my co-host russell daniels yes we're doing two episodes today oh my god and and you know russell signed on uh to this show and it's it's a lot it's you know do it being on a podcast it's a lot of work oh yeah he travels far and he has he he never complained i was so anxious to because when you when you were here it was like oh it'd be exciting to have you

you're just someone who i like i wanted to do something with and so we already had something scheduled so we added this yes and russell doesn't complain oh and uh he uh has a good sense of humor about 99 of of things. And once in a while. Once in a while. Once in a while, you're like, oh, okay. He's like, oh, that song? I love him and I'm very thankful for him.

Russell, do you have a blessing? I do. I'm going to pick my neighbor, Barbara, because she's this really sweet woman. And I'm sad she's moving. She's my favorite neighbor. And her cat died this week too. And before her cat died, so her cat died.

And then she knew that our dog was dying. And she brought us like a card, a lovely card and a thing the day after her cat died. So we hadn't even like gotten the chance to be like so sorry that your cat died and she brought us a gift because she knew our dog was not she's just very lovely and i'm very grateful to have had her in our building for five years and um i'm sad she's moving but uh she's a lovely woman that's for you barb she has also the one of the funniest she's one of those people that every time

you talk to her you find out she's been in New York her whole life you find out a new crazy thing about her and it's like

it is so all over the like she was a DJ at Studio 54 like she's just very she's had a wild life. Yeah. Her name was BJ the DJ.

BJ the DJ? Yeah. Her name was Barbara Jean so it was BJ you bj the dj yeah her name was barbara jean so it was bj the dj was her it sounds like shit was going on there my mom we used to go there she was like 16 she pretended to be 18 and it sounds like sounds like people were like wow fucking in the corner and doing blow off dicks and all these things yeah yes sorry i just said dj because anyways i imagine that's what you had to do when you saw the DJ on the Quibi show shout out to DJ BJ

it seems cooler to be a DJ when you were at Studio 54 than now but maybe that's not fair you're right so my blessing is BJ the DJ shout out BJ the DJ that was really beautiful

that inspired me to shout out bj the dj atuka any that's really beautiful that that inspired me to shout out uh a local uh bodega yeah that uh um i'm staying in greenpoint and i want to get this place right it's on nasau but it's this it's this deli is it deli or bodega is it both is that what you call it it could be it depends on the thing i feel nervous like fucking up somehow culturally i'd be like i know i know it's a it's it's a it's one of the things i gotta see i call it a bodega i mean what's it a deli is like a sit down you sit down this right right oh that's a diner no i don't know i truly it's both bodega feels safe okay yeah it's like they sell things they have liquor and

a store a store a food store cigarettes and stuff and um uh you know we're just in a neighborhood where we we also don't have a kitchen while we're staying here so pretty much every night we've been here that's been where we eat our dinner so like a philly cheesesteak or a hamburger or just like a cold cut sandwich and because literally everywhere else was is shut down by the time i'm done with shows yeah and we're back anyway that's that's been cool and uh it would be more helpful if i knew the name of the deli but i don't support your local bodega everyone though your bananas Support your local bodega. Don't buy your fucking bananas at Trader Joe's.

They are hustling. Anything you want to plug as we wrap this up, Atsuko? No. Oh, these boys are going to be at the tiny cupboard. We don't know what that date is. Some would say it's an ocean hill.

This is coming out after our Uncle Function show. Oh, so I have nothing to plug. Me, I had something written down. I am going to be at Tiny Cupboard doing a headlining night on June 1st, 9 p.m. Going to be doing a nice 45-minute set. And maybe Russell will be there. It's going to be a good time,

and thank you for listening to Downside. Again, check out the Patreon. Bonus episodes, ad-free episodes, early episodes, patreon.com slash downside. Atsuko, this was wonderful, and whether you have a family member with schizophrenia, or you have schizophrenia, or you don't have schizophrenia,

at the end, we uh must face the madness that is uh being a human being who will eventually perish you can talk at this part I think it's fun sorry Russell thank you so much for being here thank you for having me thank you so much