The Downside with Gianmarco Soresi - #150 Boning a Holocaust Denier with Lucas Zelnick

Episode Date: July 25, 2023

Comedian Lucas Zelnick joins to discuss questionable romantic choices, what the liberal Joe Rogan would smoke, the taste of Republican tears, why hell might not be so bad, and visiting your brother at John Mulaney’s rehab. You can watch full video of this episode HERE! Join the Patreon for ad-free episodes, exclusive content, and MORE. Follow Lucas on Instagram, YouTube, & TikTok See Lucas in a city near you: https://www.lucaszelnick.com/ Listen to Lucas' podcast, Can I Go Home Now? Get tickets to our live podcast recording on July 26 at JFL Montreal! Follow Gianmarco Soresi on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, & YouTube Subscribe to Gianmarco Soresi's email & texting lists Check out Gianmarco Soresi's bi-monthly show in NYC Get tickets to see Gianmarco Soresi in a city near you Watch Gianmarco Soresi's special "Shelf Life" on Amazon Follow Russell Daniels on Twitter & Instagram See Russell in Titanique in NYC! E-mail the show at [e-mail] Produced by Paige Asachika & Gianmarco Soresi Video edited by Dave Columbo Special Thanks Tovah Silbermann Original music by Douglas Goodhart Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Buy from dysoncanada.ca. With ANC on, performance may vary based on environmental conditions and usage. Accessories sold separately. Welcome to the downside. I am going to... You're not supposed to say you're going to kill yourself because somehow... Wait, why? Like in general, in online and things.

You can. No, I know. I'm saying people go like, you can't say it. As if that's that's what's gonna push someone over the edge yeah someone is right on the fucking ledge and it takes the comedian to say it to fucking do something i am i cannot believe it if this comedian's making light of it then finally i'm gonna do it i'm in a pissy fucking mood i cannot believe were you in a pissy mood before or just because of just now?

Just because of now. I don't need any more. No, I didn't know. This is the first time interacting with you today. I didn't know maybe something else happened. I feel like this is the end of having a studio. You're ready to throw it away. We had an episode two weeks ago and the box, like, there's a new box because the box malfunctioned. It sounded fine on the fucking headphones

and then it like was washed destroyed you just lost a hole well we did it off the camera audio but it sucked yeah we tried our best so I think it's done I mean I think it's done I can't do this it's good to be here for such a watershed moment in the podcast yeah it's been a rough

few weeks you know we had that then last week something happened last week oh. What happened last week? The person didn't come. The person didn't come. Luckily, we discovered a little early. Oh my God.

What? No. Don't let it go It's appearing, now it's showing up What the fuck man? What the fuck? You have to move on I can't, I hate everything

It's not going to happen today I'm here with my co-host Russell Daniels And I'm here with my producer Not in the technical sense. I wasn't told that was our responsibility. I would be lying if I said the thought didn't occur to me

that maybe the producer could fix the production. She does other things. I do a lot of other things that don't require audio knowledge. But we should get someone who knows about a thing or two about these boards. Not in instead of,

but in addition to. But this is why this is the theme of the podcast, because I knew I couldn't do any, I knew I couldn't do it a show where it was happy or positive. This is the downside. This is a place where we can be negative. We

don't have to pretend things are going well. We can be honest that it's shit. We don't have to pretend things are going well. We can be honest that it's shit. We don't have to say, what would I complain about? Yes. We had a guest cancel once two days before, remember? She said, I don't think I have anything to complain about.

But it was a branding thing. No, that was someone else. Someone literally canceled. Was she Christian? No, but I think she was a branding thing. No, that was someone else. Was she Christian? No, but I think she was a good mom. She talked about raising a child who had Down syndrome. That was part of her thing.

Is that why we booked her? If you're a mom, period, you have plenty of things to complain about. If you're a human being at all. I have a sister with special needs. It's not great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You complain about special needs people all the time.

Wait, but I had a question. Why were we having her on? Was she famous for this? Yeah, yeah. It was like, I say it to your mom on the street, like, hey, that looks tough. Do you want to tell her about it? I'm saying it was a branding thing. That's what's gross about it, is that she's not about it. She's not being honest.

She's not saying there's really nothing. She's saying her brand is being full of bullshit. Everything's great. No, I think it was trying to look at the brand. Fuck that mom and her kid. Fuck the mom of that Down syndrome child. I was on the way here and then Russell sent me the most horrifying video I'd ever seen in my life. Oh, my God.

You recorded a video of you. No, I was doing a self tape and I had to I was have like a smoker's cough and I was like coughing and I started I couldn't stop. And then I have bad gag reflex. So I then was almost throwing up. So I then was almost throwing up. And then that was just like a minute and a half video of me trying not to throw up, but also trying to restart the scene and coughing. And I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it. I was going to throw up.

So I thought it was really funny. I got on tape. This is the downside. What the fuck? No. Do the fucking thing we said. Are you fucking serious? Are you fucking serious? Are you fucking

serious? Are you fucking serious? Oh my god. Just for a record scratch. A perfect metaphor for how this is going. Mother fucker. You slip on a banana peel. This is the downside.

Okay. This is my self-tape. Okay, turn it off! This is what you said. It's better to see it not hear it. Did it stop? It's making me feel a little sick to be honest. Can we put the video onto the YouTube?

I don't have the theme music there because the fucking box reset. Oh, okay, okay. And I feel like I have an echo on this. Yeah, I do too. Why does it say transfer mode? Get the fuck out of here. Don't get started. No, no, no, no, no.

Okay. All right, we don't have theme music today. Sorry, no. Okay. All right, we don't have theme music today. Sorry, Douglas. So, Lucas, I was looking up the last thing. We had an email correspondence about a year ago. Yeah, yeah. We had, and it was something I did want to talk about in this podcast because I really don't know how to feel about it. You asked me, or I had some footage for you you went

up uh before me at stand of new york and the host did have the brilliant idea of bringing an audience member onto the stage to twerk i don't it was a it was supposed to be a raffle and then oh no you know what it was they were like during the raffle we're going to do a dance contest. And then, first of all, no one should say yes to that. No one should say yes to coming up at a comedy club and dancing on the stage. And no one did, except for this one person. And it was exactly who you didn't want to come up and dance. And so, yes, she ended up twerking on there. So she twerked, but it wasn't just that. She then didn't want to leave the stage. Correct.

Once you let an audience member onto the stage. No, they get a taste of it. She's now in the cast of Titanic, I need to tell you. So I had a crowd work thing. I told you about this where I really didn't know how to feel about it. I was in Plano,

Texas. It's my first show there. And I had some joke. It was something like, I'm just looking at the computer. I'm freaking out every second. But I had a joke. I said, do you think R. Kelly is ever in prison? And he hears Michael Jackson come on the radio and goes,

if only I could have danced a little better. And then it's some, no, no, it was some joke about like how talented Michael Jackson and R. Kelly are. And I basically talked about how untalented white pedophiles are. Yeah. And the number. And I brought up Woody Allen.

At some point I said, you know, Woody Allen can't moonwalk. And someone in the audience was like, no. Like they disagreed with that statement. And so I said, okay. We got the clip. Here we go. Here we go. audience was like no like they disagreed with that statement and so i said okay we got the clip here we go here we go she was saying no like like that's wrong yeah yeah she wasn't being like she wasn't like no he was not offended okay uh and um she so so i said what and she said i worked at a prison i used to be a prison guard and pedophiles love to dance. And I go, it's, you know, so we're like, you know, we're in a tough top. We're in tough territory.

This is advanced lesson. Can I keep it funny? Yeah. And she said that they keep the pedophile. They kept the pedophiles in a different wing of the prison because otherwise they would get beat up. They would dance. They'd get beat up.

No, but she said, you know, so they would dance, and I think, you know, I'm struggling to come up with funny stuff, but I think the first joke I made was, what do you play, Kidz Bop? And so that worked. We're moving. Yeah.

I would move right away from that by the way if you get one thing in there i don't know i wouldn't i wouldn't be able to help myself i would stay there for 20 25 minutes i'm working on more longer form crowd work clips so i'm like i gotta i keep going in my head remember i told you that story where i did a radio show with earthquake you know comedian yeah of course and there was riffing and at some point i told that first joke and then he he gestured he was like keep going so in my head i'm like earthquake told me keep going keep going and she says no we we would play a baby shark and i was like okay i i don't know then i was losing it i was like no that that's what they

want i didn't know it wasn't going well and then then she said, no, we play it 24-7. So we played it even when they were asleep. Oh. To torture. To torture. So I go, uh-oh. She's admitting to torturing. And someone in the audience said, that's torture.

And I said, yeah, that's what I was thinking. And I'm like, you're doing it to punish them? She's like, yeah, I wanted to punish them she's I'm like you know That's You're doing it to punish them She's like yeah I wanted to punish them And I'm like Whoa no What do I What do I do

Now Yeah What's crazy too is She also no longer works there Like So I don't know Should I call the You tell what you're gonna say

Well no I was just gonna say Like what's crazy is like You have to imagine that If she's doing this In front of a whole crowd of people, she's so many people in her life know that she's a torturer. You know what I mean? Like she's told a lot of people, probably, probably every party she goes to, she'll throw that out there. She probably had a little drink and she just throws out, oh, and I tortured, I tortured people.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's crazy and given given how people feel about this very thorny subject some people are probably like good yeah yes yes she's been reinforced so i'm on i'm on stage i don't know a is she exaggerating doesn't look like she is this is a very specific exaggeration she's wearing a Nazi costume how could you tell and I didn't know I also like again we talked about once where someone when Brittany Griner got released

I said Brittany Griner got released and someone went boo and I turned into the worst comedian where I said I think it's good when Americans are released from foreign prisons and disaster became the educator. So I didn't know what to, I didn't know what to. So what did you do?

I think I just, I said, yeah, that's not good. And then I went into, then I was like, I went to college for musical theater. Went to that show, tried to get it back. You were like, so went to college for musical theater. Went to that show. Tried to get it back. You're like, so this pedophile can dance. But I didn't know what to do. Then I was like, what's my... Do I report this? Do I just talk about it on the podcast

and hope someone deals with it on their own? I had a similar crowd work thing happen in... It happened in Minneapolis. I was on own. I had a similar crowd work thing happen in Minneapolis. I was on stage. It was a terrible crowd. This had been my first year of doing an hour. So when I see the crowd's bad for everybody, I was like, oh, fuck, I got to go.

Sure. And I asked. There was one guy who just would not laugh at anything. He looked miserable. And I was like, what do you do? And he's like, I work at the Minnesota Sex Offender Program. And I was like, honestly, that's fair. I was like, you never know what anyone's

going through because I'm telling jokes and being like, this guy sucks. And he's like, the children. But my approach was, because it's so dark, I just asked a ton of questions. I was like, what qualifications do you need to have to work as a sex i was like well that's the right kind of question you need a degree for that the wrong question is like what did they do how many kids but sometimes in the

moment that's like that's the funnier part because but that's like when someone's like we played baby shark 24 hours a day for the ped. Like my first question would be like, whose idea was that? Like who brainstormed baby shark? Do you know what I mean? Like was it the warden saying that? Cause then you can make them maybe not look like the bad guy, but I just, Rory Scoville had a really good crowd work tip,

which was, you gotta be a journalist. So if anything, if I don't have a riff for something, I'll just try and go deeper and pull back more layers until I understand what I feel is the core of the situation. I think what was scary about this particular audience member is like they they really wanted to look they were fine with being bad or evil so like every question was scary because they would they would add something that was so more fucked up yeah yeah and and but that's that's the right tag. It's like if someone works at the Holocaust

Memorial, you don't say like, describe the pictures there for me. You go like, have you ever seen someone come in and do something weird? What was your dream? That's always what I want. What was your dream job?

How'd you end up at Yad Vashem? You know what I mean? And then this woman came up to me after the show. I didn't want to talk to her anymore. Now I'm convinced she's a criminal. And she wanted to tell me another prison story. And she said, and again, at this point, I'm like, I hope this is all, I hope you're insane and you're making it all up. Yeah. But she said, she said, she told a story. At this point, I'm like, I hope this is all your I hope you're insane and you're making it all up.

Yeah. But she said she said she's not. She told a story. She said we had a warden who was racist. And one day she was getting the mop out of one of the prison cells and she pushed it and it's it's splashed and white gunk got all over her leg. And that the prisoners had been jerking off into this bucket for the last 30 days because they were going to throw it onto the racist uh uh warden and then she said and i started throwing up but i was wearing my anti-rape belt i guess which they wear and she was throwing up into her actually we should add a warning to this episode and and and she was throwing up into the thing but she couldn't take off her thing

and uh that that's her and that's on what would your follow-up question would have been in that scenario there's an anti rape there's a real there's a rape to women in college that probably would have been my follow-up question but that's so dark people adding details with that level of gratuitousness i would just i think i'd have to comment on how many she's like a mad libs of gory details you know what i mean like i would just probably have to stop her at each point along the way and go really but the thing is crowds don't the crowd you'll lose the crowd once you get to details like that, no matter what.

Yeah, people were probably freaked out in the crowd. But also I think what's tricky is that I think there was a degree of like... I think inside myself, I go like, you shouldn't do that. Let them go to sleep. But then I think some people in the crowd are like, hey, what are you, a fan of pedophiles?

Yeah. And it was just too advanced for me. My crowds come thinking they're going to see crowd work. Cause I don't post material. I just don't have enough time to post. So I tell them when something crazy and crowd work is happening and they're not laughing. I go,

this is what you paid for. You, you looked at this, you looked at the Tik TOK, saw the crazy crowd work interactions. When I want to go pay to see that you paid for. You looked at this. You looked at the TikToks, saw the crazy crowd work interactions. I want to go pay to see that. You're seeing it right now and not enjoying it. So what are we doing here?

That's what I said during the pedophile thing because I start to lose them after like 15 minutes of Minnesota pedophiles. Here's what I did. This was the good move that I did. I said, Miss, do you understand that I'm recording this from three different angles right now? Why would you say you know what comedians do? I said, if there was a comedian doing stand-up comedy in front of where Epstein was killed, we'd know who did it. And as I was doing it, I was like, oh, that's a good clip. And I'm like, I can't use any of it.

Wait, why? Because I feel like someone admitted to torture on a video and I can't track it. There's nothing. Can we agree there's nothing for me to do? What am I going to look up prisons in Plano? Look up the ticket sales of the club? Wait, are you saying that you're nervous that you're going to look like you're not doing something about a crime because you were a... They did the torture. They did the torture.

It's not your job to... But is it my job to go report it? You don't know our name. You can put it on the internet. I don't know our name. That's better than reporting it. Because then you're sharing it with everyone and then someone can take it into their hands. Sure.

Potentially the most moral thing to do is to post it and benefit personally from the ticket sales that it generates. I understand your stress i mean i thought about maybe not even talking about on the podcast but but to a degree i'm like the question is should i do something here's the full like full thing i could do i could i could say to the club hey uh i feel like someone admitted to a crime. Can we locate who this person is? Can we look at who sent the tickets? Can we follow their email?

Can we look at their work history? Can we find the prison? I don't think you need to. I think you could post the video and someone crazy on the internet will do that. Someone in Plano will see the clip. They'll know who it was. But don't you feel it's in poor taste for me on my comedy channel to post a video of someone admitting

torture and then me... Well, because it's not that funny. No, you're a journalist. But you're saying because you don't have a funny thing out of it. You don't come across as being like, this is a funny zinger. It sounded like you had some good lines in there.

There were some good lines. So this is what you do. You cut out the things that weren't funny, just like any crowd work clip. You keep the things in that were. But I feel like when you hear someone potentially admit to torture, the job is to go, no, that's bad. Let them sleep. Right? No. I've never.

No one's ever admitted to torture to me. I don't have a especially in a theatrical thing you're like is this person exaggerating are they like are they playing it up your job in that scenario is to make light of it her job is

whatever she chose to be that day and the internet can decide who's in the right and who's in the wrong or who's in the right whether the torturing prison who's in the right and who's in the wrong. Or who's in the right and who's in the wrong. Whether the torturing prison guard is in the wrong. Obviously. But the internet can track them down. But it's not your job during a comedy show

to tell her not to torture. Is it? She's done with the job, so it's done. Torturing happened. Yeah, the torturing happened. Are you concerned that you look like a bad guy? Allegedly. Alleg happened. Are you concerned that you look like a bad guy? Allegedly. Allegedly.

You're concerned that you look like a bad guy for not more firmly denouncing it in the moment? To a degree. I don't think anyone would think I should in the moment. They would understand the context. But whether it's like after the fact, when she comes up to me, that I didn't go, hey. Punch her? What would you do? I don't know. Listen. Hey. Punch her? What do you ask? Like, what would you do? I don't know.

Listen. I try to kick her. She's still wearing the belt. I break my foot. We all have. We all meet people that we don't. You know, there's no good way of like, you know, it's like if a former, if you're like a president that you like, don't like, if you're here to meet them, you're not actually

going to do anything. You're not actually going to be like. You're not actually going to be like, fuck you, George Bush. You know, when your Uber driver says he hates Jews, you know, when you get a white guy Uber driver and you go, oh, you had so many privileges and you're driving an Uber. And then here comes the tirade. And then he gives you one because he assumes you're not Jewish. Sure. But if he said to me, I punched three Jews this morning. Yeah.

Well, you have his name. I should report it to Uber. You have his name and you can report it to Uber. It's a much easier situation. Yeah, you report that. But you also go, I'm not going to be Jew number four. You know what I mean? Sure.

I'm going to get out of the Uber. You must have a lot of – because I look a little – I look more Jewish than you do, I would think. I don't think of Jews as blondes in general. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm a little, I look more Jewish than you do. I would think, I think, I don't think of Jews as, as blondes in general. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm a little blonde too. Yeah.

I just got a part as a Nazi in a short film for that. Did you really? Yeah. Cause they wanted a Jew, but they wanted one that looks like a Nazi. Oh, sure. Yeah.

Do you think, do you ever, do you ever deep down when you're alone, go, would I have pretended? I, I used to think that, Oh no,

I would have. But the question was, would I have gotten caught? used to think that. Oh, no, I would have. But the question was, would I have gotten caught? I would have pretended, yeah. How do you think you would have been caught? You would have complained about something? And they go... There's a draft. There's a draft. What did you say?

What's going on? Hold on. Slow down. All the Nazis I do are gay. I don't know why I make every Nazi gay. It sounds a little gay, the German accent, I think. It sounds fun that way. Kind of being bitchy with the German accent. You just have a little bitchy feel to it.

Not really, no. I'm not an accent guy. Nine is the correct... But yeah, I think I could have gotten away with it. Maybe. I mean, I went to the Holocaust Museum and I saw... Do people go like, oh my God, you're the guy for the picture. No, but there's a... They have like an exhibition, like stories of different people's ways of surviving.

And one was this very Aryan looking young woman who had gotten fake papers as a Christian. And that's how she survived. And they were highlighting that. I don't think that makes you like a traitorous Jew. No. I don't think you have to be like a noble Jew and get on the train. Sure. I'm just saying like would you have been like a leading a lieutenant? Oh, like

in the... Like a Nazi? No, no, no. There's a big difference between escaping and then joining you. Yeah, but I see what you're saying. If you stay in Germany with your fake papers, then frankly, you do get drafted if you're a young man. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I got to say, this is one of the most fucked episodes we've ever had.

That's what happens when the box doesn't work. Has anyone ever said anything to you that's virulently anti-Semitic? Yes. What have they said? This actually happened when I graduated. I graduated high school. I went to a graduation party. My friend went to Westminster, a boarding school.

I would love to remember these guys' names. Actually, I do remember one of their names. No, I remember both of their names. And I would say them because they were so anti-Semitic to me. I actually promised myself that day that if I ever had a platform I would use it against them. You're going to go full names? I don't know. Now you're giving me

cold feet. I love that you were like, when I have a platform and then you come on the downside and you're like here are their full names on someone else's podcast. I'm going to use my platform. I've been doing shows for years and I've never revealed their names, but today I do it

here on the downside. Dox them! I know you were saying I'm going to wait until a podcast that people listen to. The moment I'm on Joe Rogan, that's when I'm going to go, Joe, before we get into the vaccines, I'd like to call out two anti-Semites.

I'll say their first names for now. They're probably listening to it right now. If I guess. Anti-Semites. This is what happened. We're at a graduation party. Now that I'm on the downside, I feel that it's time. And these are your friends.

You're friends with them. No, they're my friend's friends. Okay. So my friend is Jewish. He went to this place, Westminsterminster very waspy boarding school in somewhere where most people hate jews and um they called him jetski because he played ice hockey and he was jewish so they called him jetski which was jewish gretzky so there was always like some air of anti-semitism with his friend group but that was better i was worried it was like i was

like somehow that's gonna be so fucked up no no no no it was like. It was fine, but he got called Jewish by his boarding school friends. I had never met the boarding school friends. I go to this graduation party. We all get drunk. I fall asleep in, I guess, one of the beds that these guys had claimed. They had outfitted this barn with a bunch of airbeds, and I guess I took the airbed that this guy wanted. I was really drunk, and they're hitting me, trying to wake me up. I guess i'm not waking up and they're like get out of my bed and i'm like you know just drunk like yeah and then i finally like wake up because they're yelling at me and they called me the k word i don't know when it became jewish by the time i was awake it was already jewish related they were like you don't believe in Jesus. We're going to beat the shit out of you.

It was like the most, it was so anti-Semitic and so explicitly anti-Semitic. I'd never experienced anything like it before ever. And it was two of them and one of me. And I was like really skinny. I wasn't going to fight them. And they got in my face and they kept yelling like Jew, Jew and the K word. And again and again and again and again. And I just like, I was like,

okay, I can have the arrow bed. You were just like, no, I'm German. I'm German, I swear to God. I was just like, yeah, I was like, you guys can do it. That's crazy. Do you remember, like, were you like, please, please, like, were you begging for them to, what did you even say?

You know when someone's like, have you guys ever had an interaction with a stranger where they say something so insane and rude that you're just dumbfounded? Yeah. I just remember being dumbfounded. Like I just, it didn't even, I didn't know how to react.

I wasn't, and I was a little scared because there was something particularly scary about like how anti-Semitic it was with the physical threats that I was like, these guys might actually just beat me up right now. People are drunk too. So you're like,

yeah. And I was drunk and waking up out of a slumber and they were incensed by the time I was even awake. So I was like, I didn't even have anger yet. And they were already at like 10 out of 10. Um, so I just remember like kind of giving them the bed.

And then I woke up in the morning and they had left like very early yeah and they they kept trying to i think they tried to reach out through my friend and apologize somehow and oh i just i was like no no never again and then i promised i would never go to a place where they ever were so i bet every time they went to hang out with that guy again i said i'll never, I said, I'll never see them again. And I'll never see them again if I'm ever in a position of power. And thank you for bringing me on the downside.

Because today is judgment day. And I went to Westminster High School, and I think that's what they did to me. They were drunk 17-year-olds. but went to Westminster High School, and I think that's what they did to me. They were drunk 17-year-olds, and what did Brett Kavanaugh do all this shit? 16? 17. I think they should be held accountable.

That's what I have to say about that. All right. Thank you for sharing that. Yeah. I don't even know that I pronounced their names right, and I'm not 1,000% sure. They're praying you did not. They're praying it's pronounced wildly differently. I'm not 1,000% sure that I pronounced their names right, and I'm not a thousand percent sure. They're praying you did not. They're praying it's pronounced wildly differently.

I'm not a thousand percent sure that that is their name. It'd be funny if there's people with those names that are not those. Listen, they would have had to go to Westminster High School. That's the problem with these white names. You're like, John Smith. You're like, John Smith. They were coming to get you. There's three Supreme Court justices named Bill Buckley.

Okay, let's take this scenario further. Okay, so they reach out to you. And they go, hey, we heard you on the downside. Luckily, we went on the YouTube. There's only seven watches so far. But we're nervous. We're nervous that Russell's going to blow up from Titanic. People will start listening. We have a family Russell's going to blow up from Titanic. People will start listening.

We have a family. They're like really, really knowledgeable about everybody's family. They're like, we're big Titanic fans. We've turned around. We're super. One of us came out of the closet. And what could they do that would make you find forgiveness? Do you think there's any forgiveness to be had? I think, yeah, I forgive them. What could they do that would make you find forgiveness?

Do you think there's any forgiveness to be had? I think, yeah, I forgive them. In fact, like at this point, I mean, it was so unspeakably terrible what they did, but it didn't. It was didn't. There was no trauma. It didn't last other than me. I've never forgotten it. I'm still complaining about it. But like, I think whatever, say enough

people listen to this that they actually did get punished, I think probably whatever punishment they would get would probably outweigh the crime. Like if they lost their jobs now, I would think that's too much, but I would also chuckle. And then I would totally forgive them. That's like more than enough.

Oh, what a world we live in. I think they tried to apologize back then, but I really was, I would say now if they apologize, I mean, listen, they're probably not that anti-Semitic. I mean, they can't hate you. I just think like, especially the K word. Yeah. Don't. Russell, we know you like to.

Okay. Try and hold yourself back today. Russell, we know you like to. Try and hold yourself back today. It's so rarely said that it's strange to even know what word we're talking about. No, I actually don't. See, that's what I mean. Can we say it and bleep it later?

That's just too much editing. It rhymes with bike. And it starts with a K. And it's not k-bike. I don't think i've ever heard that there's no other thing yeah yeah yeah you learn something every day but yeah no they i mean it was really something that they did that i was i was shocked at the time because we were in new york yeah yeah you know what i mean and like everyone was rich and privileged and stuff. You would just think that.

But yeah. Well, for those listening, you know, if you like this, this is. If you like what you're hearing today. If you like what you heard today, you're a Debbie Downsider. That's what we call our fans. Debbie Downsider. Almost a little too sweet, I think, honestly. If Matt

and Sam reach out and sign up for the Patreon, we'll bleep out your last name. Can you imagine if that's how you built the Patreon? Oh my god. Speaking of the Patreon, join the Patreon. Patreon.com slash Downside.

You get live episodes. You get bonus episodes. We get bonus episodes. We're almost hitting 150 patrons. And then we're going to do an extra episode every month very soon. Great way to support the Jewish community if you have something in your past that you could say, oh, no, I'm actually a patron of the downside. Can you imagine if there's like some fifth descendant of Hitler out there that I've read about? Really? If it was like Randolphandolph and people know him uh yeah yeah he didn't change his name that's no it's crazy there's someone out there i think he's probably like a third cousin and

you know something yeah um yeah but patreon.com slash downside link is in in the the comments do we know when this episode is coming out yet? I do, but I don't know the date off the top of my head. Okay, that's fine. By the end, if you want to check it out. We've had so many cancellations. People who went through. Because things are going well. But people, you know, canceled.

Yeah, but they wouldn't have canceled on Rogan. And I will remember it when I'm the liberal Rogan. When we give you a vaccine on air. Yeah. We're sponsored. Every ad's for Big Pharma. We go all the way. And instead of smoking cigars, what are we doing? What's the liberal equivalent of

smoking cigars? We're just sucking little dildos. Just little dildos. Oh my god. Russell, I did want to bring up that I did see in the news. I didn't know they did this. There's submarines. You can pay $25,000. No, not $25,000.

$250,000. $250,000 to go on the submarine and you get to visit the remains of the Titanic. It's gone missing. It's gone missing. The submarine. The tour. The latest tour. But they were very cagey. They were like,

we don't know if anyone's on it. How does this work? First of all, why is that $250,000? That seems like that's way too much money for that offering. It's very dangerous. People would do it. Imagine you're so rich.

Is it a deep sea submarine? It's 12,000 feet down. Deep enough that it can go missing completely. They're doing a search but those people are dead. If anyone's on that, they're dead a search, but those people are dead. Yeah, there's no rest. If anyone's on that, they're dead.

How long has it been missing? Again, it's all very cagey. The people who run the tour are not saying if anyone was even on it, but it seems like days. But they are offering a sale for all future trips. It's now $6. My question is, they've had some tragedies. Who was it who passed away? Who's in Titanic?

But, you know, performer, the singer. No, singer. The singer. Celine Dion is still alive. No, but the other singer. The other singer? Yeah, the woman who died. Tina Turner.

Tina Turner. Jesus fucking Christ. Okay, okay. So when Tina Turner died, like Tina Turner makes an appearance as the iceberg who died recently. Tina Turner. Jesus fucking Christ. Okay, okay. So when Tina Turner died, like Tina Turner makes an appearance as the iceberg in the show. At the beginning of the show, they mentioned, you know, Tina Turner.

Celine Dion got diagnosed with horrifying disease. They make an announcement. Stiff person's disorder. I feel like it's only right for you to make an announcement about this. Is Titanic causing people to die? I don't know if the loss of Marine is a big enough story

I think the Celine Dion actor if they wanted to put it into their improv to give a little more context could do it I don't think I could do it in my quick little like line thing I mean like a pre-show like ladies and gentlemen no one cares about rich people getting lost and you know what I mean like that's not a thing so I don't think anyone cares

I know you talked about it it's cliche for people to be like you're making jokes That's not a thing. So I don't think anyone cares about that. I know you talked about it. It's cliche for people to be like, you're making jokes about the Titanic. You know, people actually died there. But it is funny. I watched the show again for the second time. And there is a moment where they're like,

the iceberg. And they do a little thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I did think like, man, I hope the afterlife is real. Only to imagine the survivors of the Titanic. Meeting the cast of Titanic. Just watching this show. And they died from hypothermia.

They fell. They watched their loved ones. Oh, there they go. There they go. And on stage, it's a Tina Turner as the iceberg. You know, all those people had a lot of ego. They needed to be on the biggest ship of all time. No, I'm just kidding.

I'm just kidding. We were making fun of the movie not the thing. But it's also the over 100 year rule. Like in 100 years I think there will be a comedy play where it's like Sandy Hook, you know. Oh my god.

I thought 9-11 was bad and you found a different fucking... Yeah. Fine, fine. No, but it is just strange the way we emotionally operate. I was saying to Tova, because

I have, you know, a number of Holocaust jokes, and part of me was like, I know when the joke is about the way people deal with tragedy and when I'm like, oh, I'm just using the Holocaust for shock. And I go – as I write more material, there is a part of me that if I'm really trying to be serious or try to pretend my life has any meaning, it's like, oh, I do think if you desecrate tragedy too frequently, there is a way. Like my brother goes on Reddit and shares memes that I look at them where I'm like, this is just offensive. It's not even funny anymore. It's just like you made the worst thing you could. Yeah.

The worst version of like an edgelord. Yeah. Yeah. The worst version of like an edgelord kind of thing. And with like AI and with the ability to make these things, I do think one could argue there is a numbing effect where if you make enough mass shooting jokes and a mass shooting occurs, you don't feel the chill of this is a horrible thing that happened that might spur people to action in a positive manner. that happened that might spur people to action in a positive manner and so like i do get why for example if someone makes a holocaust joke or someone does a heil hitler and as a joke on stage or something that that the leagues or whatever go hey that's you shouldn't do that i get it and i don't know what your thoughts are because we both like – we all like edgy humor to a degree. I like how stand-up makes the decision for you, I feel. I mean, listen, I guess it's up to every comic to decide what's hack, so to speak, because hack can work.

But for the most part, I just try – first of all, I don't write... I write mostly personal comedy, so I haven't been in a place... I actually... I do have a joke. I slept with a Holocaust denier, which is a true story, which I can tell you. Please. You slept with a Holocaust denier. Well, she wasn't... Well, I can tell you the story. Yes, sort of. Yeah. Yes.

What would you like? Maybe it happened. Did you know this before or after? I'm not making a judgment Before we slept together? Yeah I knew Yeah So we had a conversation

Do you ask before everyone you have sex with? Hey, can we talk about something? And she's like, oh no, do you have an STD? It's a new policy I wonder how many anti-Semitic events I have to be a part of Also, it's hilarious that you asked if I've ever experienced anti-Semitism And sleeping with a Holocaust denier didn't even cross my mind at the time.

She made up for it, for sure. We were on a date and somehow the Holocaust came up, which in the bit I'm also like, it's a bad start for a first date. But she was like... That should be one of the OKCupid questions. What's your sign? Did the Holocaust

happen? No, maybe. What's your sign? Did the Holocaust happen? No. Maybe. There's like a little avatar for the vector, the way that Hinge does it. They have like the marijuana leaf for marijuana and they have like an oven for the Holocaust. I'm sorry. See, I don't like that. I don't love like oven stuff is I think hacky. Sure.

I know I just did it. No, I just did it because I said said uh jay leno and adam carolla are opening up a comedy camp and i said i'd rather go to a concentration camp which was fine and then i think the tag i wanted to do was like you know that one thing you know the comedy camp is not going to have a showers and there's some there's some but the problem is the showers joke has truly been yeah yeah any oven any shower yeah but i get it yeah i get i get it it's there yeah totally the showers joke has truly been. Yeah. Yeah. Any oven, any shower. Yeah.

But I get it. I get, I get it. It's there. Yeah, totally. It tickles. And,

and it, and it works usually because people, uh, you know, they, it's the same with the train, the train oven showers are the kind of, those are the emojis.

If we're going to capture the Holocaust in emojis. Yeah. Those are the inanimate objects most commonly associated with the holocaust the real price is right of holocaust items um but no she was like she didn't deny what she said was everyone likes to say the holocaust was bad i was like i know i was like i don't think everyone likes to say that i think it sort of just was but she goes everyone likes to say the holocaust was bad but if you or i were in that position back then we would have been german soldiers to which i replied i think if i were in that position back then i would have been a jew still i don't know what part of this hypothetical we

switch sides oh my god so that actually happened and then that's also in the bit but then the bit was kind of about like getting over that yeah just deciding that i wanted to have sex with her basically yeah yeah no i can i can understand that that is very funny what i but what she was trying to say is that like we as the americans like americans in the world stage she put herself into the german shoes though which is interesting she was making a point about how it's like white people saying like if I were around during slavery, I wouldn't have been a slave owner. And her point was like

yes, you would have, sort of. But she kept quoting, would you have been a slave owner? I would not have been. No, me either. Okay. This is our edgiest episode of all time I gotta tell you I don't know if I'm making it edgy I feel bad if I'm making it too

No, no, no, no, no Hey, we're Jews Listen We're not You're not You guys are on the host for this That's for sure I'm gonna be in a podcast a couple years from now And I'm going to call out two anti-Semites.

My co-host, Russell Daniels. After the sex, did you go like, hey, let's revisit this? No. So she said so many things on that date. So she said so many things on that date. Like, so she is a thing. She's a big Republican. And she is a thing where she just wanted to say Republican things to get liberals angry. And she knew that I was liberal.

And so she just said a bunch of... She got joy from it? Yeah. That's weird. Yeah. That is weird, though. That's the thing about conservative... The ones I've experienced in my life, too.

It's like they... And if they try to get my life too that it's like they like and if they try to get you and usually it's like a weird way of like being like well biden you're like i don't care either you can throw him in jail i don't care and that enrages like yeah they don't know how to like when you don't give it a rise if you don't i would never go like i love republican tears i love a glass of republican tears in the morning. Trans people are so amazing. What do you think? That was like the liberal equivalent of what she was doing. Because she kept trying to bait me.

She said another thing. We're sleeping together, by the way, without protection. And she said, I'm pro-life. And I'm not on birth control. But if you were to get me pregnant tonight, I would have an abortion. And I was like, then you're pro-choice. So I was like, pro-choice is just pro-choice for you.

So if you would choose to have an abortion... Any part of you hoping that she got pregnant just to make her a hypocrite? I know how to win this argument. Give me 30 seconds and I can win this thing. Oh, man. She said so many insane things. She also tried to, because I'm Jewish,

she tried to give me a Christianity book. She tried to convert me. It's called the Bible, Lucas. All this first date? What is this Christianity book? How long did you see her for? I was laid over in London. This was twice as long as my Jewish book.

Is there a second part? She tried to give me some kind of Christianity novel. I didn't understand it. Oh no, Jesus died. I like this guy. Keep reading. No, it was written by the guy who wrote Narnia.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Did she try to give you... I think I've read this book. You're talking about C.S. Lewis. And it was on faith. He wrote a book about faith. Some Christianity book. C.S. Lewis did.

Honestly, it's one of those... I was never a Christian, but when I was feeling very existential, it was like a book more about the existence of God. Is that right? Yeah. Okay. Well, I didn't read it.

I don't read in general. And how if the Holocaust happened now, we would be the Germans. That was a weird chapter that I never understood. And that's what the chapter was called too, by the way. It was called, if the Holocaust happened now, we'd be the Germans. Very redundant chapter. It was pretty much explained by the title, but. It's a good book though. I mean, like he by the title. It's a good book, though.

I mean, he's an eloquent speaker, and then he's one of those, you hear some of the other views, and you go, you're crazy. Yeah. Well, she said, I don't want you to burn. So she said, I'm going to give you this. She said, I don't want you to burn. Goddamn, the dick must be good. She's like, you know what? I want you to burn.

I don't want you to burn. That is the crazy thing too is like believing that i have such a hard time visualizing literal hell and literal heaven it's so many different it's so hard to imagine a literal burning place that you're just sitting there burning because you gotta imagine if you're burning for a certain amount of time it just feels natural like it just it just feels natural. Is that how you comforted yourself about going to hell? It just starts to feel like everything.

Everything's fine if you're there long enough. Yeah, and then you're like, okay. And then you will make friends eventually. You'll have to eventually befriend Osama bin Laden. People forget before he perpetrated the Holocaust, Hitler was an artist. You view hell as stepping into a hot tub. At first it's like a little hot tub. I'm saying it probably is really, really

bad and it's horrifying. But even after, imagine a thousand years of it, they're not that creative. It's probably the same thing over and over again. So you would just get used to it you know yeah and you would just be like and you'd have to make friends we all make friends everywhere we go so i'm just saying like i think that would be a better case instead of trying to

convince people hell is not real convince them it's not so bad yeah um that's a very interesting i i don't think not not to judge. I don't think I would have slept with that person. They must have been very attractive. Yeah, she was. She was and also I will say... She also was repugnant.

She also was the worst. She also was vile. She smelled it. And I just said, I'm gonna do it. I gotta do it for the bit i need a second thought not even physically no no no no but what i will say is there was a there was a part of me that was like i need a new bit yeah like there was a little part of me that was like i'm gonna lean into this you know someone said to me a comic said to me recently like uh you're like when you're a comic you're kind of like a movie reviewer but sometimes in life it feels like the movie's stopped like when you have writing block

like there's nothing to you got to like keep watching the movie is life in this metaphor i guess and you gotta and that was one of those moments where i was like this is gonna be a bad movie for a little bit but then it's gonna be a really good review yeah yeah i uh morally reprehensible to be sure though had you you were someone you were like i don't like him no no but not like out of like losing people on a throne it wasn't like a you know what i mean like i wouldn't say i wouldn't have done that is what i'm saying it just just hasn't happened. Paige, I would never force you in a position of asking you such a horrifying question. Not to that extent.

I think more so just like regretting it afterwards. Sure. In hindsight, I'm like, eh, that was like questionable, but not anything of like, this person hates me or like my people.

Like you're like, like you never like met someone who believed in the Holocaust and you're like, I'm still going to sleep with them. He thinks it happened, but he is hot. Um, how about you,

John Marco? Uh, yeah. Have you ever slept with someone just terrible, terrible? There was, there was? Yeah, have you ever slept with someone just terrible? There was this one, since we might as well, we're just saying it all in this episode. There was someone I hooked up with after, she was a Jew, a London Jew. And it was after LOL Comedy Club. This was in London?

No, no, no. She was in Times Square. She came to LOL Comedy Club. This was in London? No, she was in Times Square. She came to LOL Comedy Club. Something about her was bad. It was bad. If anyone feels uncomfortable, feel free to tell me to stop the story.

I think it's called Stealthing? Is it Stealthingthing i don't know what that is she so she's not gonna pull the condom off like really fast oh like really like she was on top got up took it off went back and i had like 0.7 seconds i think to make a decision and I, I let it happen. And if I had more time, if I had had like a couple of weeks to think it over, I think it would have made a different decision for sure. But like,

and look, I was fine. I was fine. And like, I did, I continued. Yeah. Uh,

I, but I knew something was wrong about her in the way that like this decision didn't surprise me yes and then later she like put on her insta story like a video of like it was her and then like flashing it over to me and then back to her like on her and i was asleep oh so just like just like. The most important detail. You kind of snuck in there at the very end. And I was asleep.

So bad vibes from the beginning. And then they manifested themselves. And then I think the part that's on me. Is when I hooked up with her the next night. Because I said. The only reason. I'm a big old condom boy and I said well

I'm big on small condoms but I was like my fear was always STDs and I said well if I did it without the condom the first night might as well before she goes back to London, get another round in.

Yeah. And I remember I checked her Insta story for weeks after that because I was worried she was going to be pregnant. Oh, good. I thought you thought she was going to like announce publicly that she had an STI on her Instagram story. I was like,

you're going to have to check in with her privately for that. Hey, everybody, I have gonorrhea. But I remember at one point she was at a party and she was like drinking in the video. And I was like still, based on her character, I was like that's not proof that she's not pregnant. So

nine months later I was in the clear. that was mine. Yeah. Just bad vibes. The most I could say is there was a lady one time I fooled around with in an alleyway of a bar in Maryland. And she probably voted for Trump in the future. Like she was given like years later. That kind of energy.

Do you think it's because she finally hooked up with a liberal guy and was like, you know what, I need a real man. These boys don't have a finger for shit. He got cramps the whole time. He's like, can you do it for a couple seconds? She just had an energy of like. But I don't know if this is a male thing. I do find in general when I go on to it, when I go on a date, I can't always tell how the date is going

until I'm done. Now, I knew at the time this girl was denying the Holocaust. Don't get me wrong. That was clear as day. But there's this performative version of yourself you bring to a I might have sex situation as a man. At least I bring. Maybe I'll just speak for myself. Where I go, I'm blocking

out red flags. I'm blocking out red flags. I'm blocking out first date in general. You don't get mad. You don't argue. You agree with everything. Yes. You're very agreeable. And so you find a way to say whatever needs to be said to make the interaction as smooth

as it possibly can be. And in that mode, I was like, let me just finish what I started here and worry about it later. And then when I got home, I was like, oh, that was terrible. But that's how I feel about every bad date, regardless of whether I sleep with them. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think I had one date.

I remember real time being like in real time being like, yeah, same thing. I didn't think it was that bad in real time and then i got home and i was like oh that wasn't that was bad yeah we didn't agree on anything but like but like i you do agree because you're like you know you're like sure like yeah you want to keep conversation going yeah so but you don't realize in real time because you're just being so like you get back to your exactly you know you're like yeah yeah you know you get home and you're like, I hated that. It's like when you bomb a job interview. You don't know until the

moment when that goodbye hits. And then you're like, I actually did a really bad job at that. I can tell now. Are you dating now? I just went through a breakup within the last couple weeks. How long?

This is a bummer. Thank you. Some guests cancel when they go through a breakup within the last couple weeks. Oh, how long? It was a bummer. Thank you. Some guests cancel when they go through a breakup. I came here to complain about it. Okay, you know, beat that up. That's so vague. That's so vague. It's okay.

It's okay. That's so vague. It's a joke. Everyone understands. No one will get it. That was just for us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But thank you.

Are you okay? I'm okay. Yep. It was a very brief but very intense relationship. Yeah. It was three months. Okay. But almost every day hanging out all the time.

And then it came to sort of a dramatic end. And I've had some conversations about what I say about it on podcasts with her, so I'm trying to find a diplomatic way to say that it's over. And she's a great

lady. At least she's still alive. You said dramatic end and I was like, oh. She's very much alive and well. She's doing great you similar to me because I listened to some other podcast episodes we talk we air

our dirty laundry and our family's dirty laundry in a way that's not necessarily good but it's interesting because you do it too. Like I just, I listen to podcasts. I'm like, oh, wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm pretty open. Do you think that has anything to do with coming from money? Being open? No, because most of the rich kids I know lie about it. My whole thing was... But you feel safe. Is it possible that you feel...

I just know so many rich liars. Do I feel safe about everything all the time? Yes. I'm never uncomfortable. Yeah. It's two separate things. I'm usually... I feel very safe to sort of do whatever.

I come from a degree... My parents are well off. It's not your situation. I know. I know. What do you think, because I feel like you're self-aware, you're a comedian, you poke holes in your own thinking. What ways do you think, because this is the downside, that growing up with that amount of money has ruined you as a human being. Well, I have,

it's a joke. I never got working. It's hard to joke about it, but I've tried to talk about growing up rich a lot on stage to, to limited levels of success. Talk it out now. But one of the things I, one of the bits started where I was like,

I will say like, I grew up very rich, very, whatever you're thinking more but uh I never act like a spoiled entitled rich kid unless one single thing goes wrong and then I do that was like the start of it and then it was like a couple examples of that but that's I mean the truth is like how do I when I feel that it's a negative thing like when I when I feel that it makes me a bad person, I think that probably the most prime example is when I see a line of any kind. I go not me.

I'm buying the store. I'm buying this. So we're like there's just an element of like when I'm on an airplane and I'm not in the bed seat in first class, I go I have an air of superiority about my vibe that I'm just like, I should be up there. And, but usually I am. Yeah. And if I'm not, I'm like, I should be. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know? And I don't even think I should be on commercial aircraft. Don't get me wrong, but sure. I'm sort of kidding, but I do.

I'm making light of like what is unfortunately a real thing which is you you do get a vibe of my parents never said this explicitly but there's a vibe when when you are rich and everything is bought and most importantly the things that are bought not most importantly most prominently the things that are bought are like things that get you around the hoi polloi so to speak which is like a yiddish term for like the masses uh like then you get the instilled in your mindset is this idea that you are better than people whether your parents tell you or not because my parents never said that they said be very grateful what you for what you have you're very

very lucky it doesn't make you better than people that you're wealthy and now uh this guy is gonna make us we're gonna cut the line at six flags and go ride the roller coaster in front of all those very lucky. It doesn't make you better than people that you're wealthy. And now this guy is going to make us, we're going to cut the line at Six Flags and go ride the roller coaster in front of all those other families. So my parents were like, you're not better than them, but you are going to get on the roller coaster before them and you're going to leave after them and you're going to go home in an air conditioned suburban SUV. Do you feel like there's any difference between going someone who goes, I am of I'm a better being like my my existence is more worthy or those that go, I got so fucking lucky. I know it's not. I know if I'm on an island someday, I'm just as equal as everyone else.

I feel like there's two different kinds of rich people like self-aware. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I think it's better to be, because I feel like there's a lot of people that just pretend that that's not a part of who they are and their upbringing. And I think that that feels so much worse. I remember one time seeing an interview with Anderson Cooper, and he grew up with this insane family. What was their name in New York? Come on, you must have summered with them. Gloria Vanderbilt?

Yes, the Vanderbilts. Close friends. But then they're asking about that, and he did the classic thing of being like, but they always said you got to make it on your own and pull yourself up. That kind of thing where you're're like that's not helpful and it doesn't it doesn't make you any like it doesn't bring us closer to you it just puts us like you're bullshitting us you're bullshitting us my family

at least was very like you know there was a big sense of humor like we were always made fun of for how spoiled we are and how much help we got yeah and i think that was helpful because nothing's worse than the rich kid that pretends he did it himself yeah do you know what i mean yeah and and it and it it really is pervasive across everything like take for example i'm legitimately able to be a professional comedian now like things went well for me online i can sell enough tickets that i can make like a full living live my life i am sure financially independent which is to say i have access to all of my trust and all the money in the world but i don't need it i i live within my means in the two million dollar apartment that my parents bought and um i pay the maintenance fees fully

myself and uh but i couldn't have even been i wouldn't have had the time to devote to being a professional comic if my parents hadn't said go be a professional comic we will support you you can my dad said to me I will pay for your whole lifestyle to do it for two years and if you can make it from there then good and if not but having

money gives you time like was your dad ready to be like your cut off? I think he... It's never been necessary. I've never been the kid that goes and asks for money. Sure. So I don't think that we were at that kind of...

I think he would have been like, hey, this isn't working out. Yeah. I think you should get a job. And I would have been like, I care what you think enough to probably go get a job. He's like, there's only 25% of the tickets sold at Asylum. I think you're going to need to And I would have been like, I care what you think. There's only 25% of the tickets sold at asylum. I think you're going to need to do a little bit better than that. Someday at the Indianapolis helium was looking a little light. Yeah.

Yeah. I just always wonder. I sometimes think about, because my, my parents supported me probably until I was like 25. And then I, I just lucked out with some acting stuff. But I always wonder like,

oh, if there's this mix of like, you know, if you had to work a side job, you might not be able to, I wouldn't have been able to do the acting classes and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But then there's another part of me that's like,

if you know that there's not this kind of net beneath you, you might work even harder more strategic you might be thinking in a way where you need to succeed yeah i remember there's one there's one uh uh when i won the competition at comics mohegan sun and again it's kind of like this there's there's a degree where like it's not like i was going to be homeless or anything but i was going off my own money and I bought like a suit for a thousand dollars. And it was a big purchase to me in that moment. And I went to that competition and the prize was like $17.50 or something.

And I was like, I need to win this competition. Yeah. And I really do think in that moment it made me do much better. Yes. think in that moment it made me do much better yes and so there's a degree of like you have to create mental games to be like well i do need to succeed but you really don't yeah or you have to be so driven by i want to be a great comedian as opposed to i feel like i'm more driven by i want to be a great artist more than i want to be rich yes and that's why because in that pursuit no one can help me but myself and my abilities yeah well i i will say i i'm driven by that or like when i started working out i was very driven by

like no one above me respects me no one thinks i'm good at comedy everyone thinks i'm this like tiktok crowd work guy that's like looked down upon much in the way that like who told you i said that you would be a perfect example of the kind of guy that would be in the club and i'd be like oh this makes me anxious uh-huh like this guy probably thinks i'm shit and like oh god like why is it that i always have the bad probably wouldn't have been i would be looking at my own notes and i a hundred percent and by the way now that now that I've been in stand up long enough to have a class below me, I see someone walk off the stage and look at me with that kind of look who's younger and been in it less time. And I can see in their eyes them going, did he like my set? And me going, I was scrolling on Instagram the whole time. Didn't even listen.

And didn't don't care. And by the way, if you bombed um and didn't don't care and by the way if you bombed i don't think less of you there's like a couple things you could have said up there that might have made me think less of you and i didn't notice you saying any of those things yeah but uh that was what was driving me because i was headlining within a year well i was headlining within two years of starting stand-up i guess and i I was having panic attacks on stage. Cause I was like, I'm not good enough to be doing this. I'm going to lose all the fan base that I've built.

Sure. And I'm not good. So that was like the thing that was really driving me to get better. Yeah. Um, um, do you feel like seeing so many rich people, you have a deep understanding of how money does not to be cliche.

Money does not buy happiness like i feel like i saw i i've seen people with money be so fucking miserable that i know deep down that that and i see others where that is the goal there is a real thing of like oh comfort will bring me joy and i'm like it really won't it might make your medical you know i now when i think about money i think more about like i'll have a better doctor yeah i'll travel will be easier but i know that like money can be very isolating uh i i mean i'm sure i think it's like notoriety since you've experienced that it's like an intensifier that's how i think of notoriety is like money can intensify if you're like a miserable drug addict and then you have a lot of money you can do a lot

of drugs and that really intensifies the drug addiction if you're a very happy person already yeah it makes everything awesome if you're in love like when i was this ex that i had like i've you know when we were falling in love it was i would i had called my parents I was like can you send us on a vacation in the nicest hotel in the world and we did I remember people being like Justin Bieber rented out Madison Square Garden to take Selena Gomez to see the Titanic

you're like yeah he told his assistant to do all of that okay when I do something I gotta google it from the beginning did they? they got you okay, when I do something, I got to Google it from the beginning. Did they? They got you? Yeah.

That's actually why we broke up. We broke up after the fanciest vacation in the world. Where'd you go? We went to the Amangiri in Utah. We should have gone somewhere nicer. You'd still be together. We don't have to get into it. We can get into it a little. There's certain things I've been told not to say.

Was it because of that? I mean, listen, it's only been three months, of course. You go away somewhere. It just got, it got very hot and cold, the relationship. Like it was very unsteady and there was a lot of, we had done a lot of crazy stuff in the beginning. We were so into each other in the beginning. We're like, this is it. We're going to like, this is the future. Like you're're the person all of this in the first month and obviously it's

just crazy to do that with anyone before you really get to know them yeah and then i would think you're more cynical than that i gotta be honest i usually am but this person brought this side of me out of me and also had this side to her and then sort of pulled back a little bit and it just messed with me yeah and so it had become this very unsteady thing and then like the way we broke up was i just i was like hey like i kind of gave her an ultimatum i was like listen i can't be in a relationship that works this way but i'm down to fix it if you want to fix it and she was like i don't which is sort of sort of funny when you give an ultimatum because for some reason you have to pretend like you're down for either yeah

i'm like i'm like listen you're in or you're out, but either way. And she's like, I'm out. And I was like, oh, shit. God damn it. It's like when teachers are like, we can have a bad day or a good day. I don't care. It's a different ultimatum. I was like, oh, so you're out

then? Are you sure? Oh, man. So your family, you have a brother and a sister yeah you said your sister was special needs sister special needs brother was a heroin addict so money didn't work money worked differently for all of us but for me it was great yeah i never got addicted with your with your brother did did the money make it worse, as you said, an intensifier? Yes. Yeah.

Yeah, he ran out of money. How much can you spend on heroin? Well, if you're using oxy instead of heroin, like opiates, then you can spend a lot. What's like to not die and just take oxy? I mean, how much spend two thousand dollars a week on drugs sure so you know that's you could swing that i could think as a student oh he's just oh he was yeah he was in college yeah jesus christ yeah and he ran out of money yeah and your parents had to say no uh yeah they They said, you got to go get help. And he said, I met a girl. Can you take us to a hotel?

Just give me the money. I'm going to do it for the hotel. I promise. He said, I'm in love with blue pills. Yeah. But so, yeah. But the money. But that's what I'm saying.

Yeah. I guess the money like intensifies anything you want to do. If you have means to do anything and then you feel strongly about anything, you can create a stronger situation. How's your brother now? He's really good. He works in the addiction treatment space now and he's like the number three guy at a very big addiction treatment startup

that's gotten very valuable and he's going to be a very rich man when startup that's gotten very valuable and he's going to be a very rich man when that business sells. That's great. When he went to rehab, was it like a nice rehab? Yeah, he went where Mulaney went. Wow. Karen in Pennsylvania.

It's very funny to be like, I went to the Mulaney rehab center. But we all know that that's probably the best one. You know what I mean? Yeah, I mean, that's probably the best one you know what i mean yeah yeah i mean that's the thing that's the thing again with money yeah it intensifies but then you get to go to like the best fucking place in the entire well but karen's is the the most effective one i think but it is in wyo missing pennsylvania so i wouldn't say it's the nicest he was in wyo missing pennsylvania in january i mean i went it was pretty bleak but

there were famous people there when i went oh my god so it was like an nda when you go in there i feel like dmz would be camping outside they gave us a little debrief at the time i think i can talk about it now because it was so many years ago and to your point about airing dirty laundry it's one of my favorite things yeah but at the time do you guys remember johnny manziel the football player yeah uh-huh so he was at the time he had just won the heisman he was like the biggest quarterback and he was struggling with this drug problem sure and it was all the rage about whether he was going to make it in the nfl and sadly he's i think a drug addict now so jesus story kind of we know the end of that story but at the time this was like his first they sent him to rehab and this was going to be his NFL comeback.

And he was my brother's roommate. So they gave they sat us down when we got there and they were like, hey, and my brother wouldn't even tell me who it was because this was like a very big deal at that time. I was staying in the same room. Yeah. Wow. But we couldn't really talk to it because there's a month-long detox. You couldn't really talk to. He went, and he was using, I didn't know what he was using, because he had entered AA, and then he had relapsed silently, and it was really bad.

And I didn't know. So then he went to rehab, and then it was like a month of radio silence. And then we went to go visit. And then when we got there, they were like, there's a famous person here. So just keep it chill. Yeah. Yeah. And so I tried to keep it.

I told my friends. That's like one time John Marko and I did something. And I'm not going to say what it was. But they were like. You got to join the Patreon to see it. And there's going to be a couple of celebrities that are going to be their special guests. And we'd heard about the of celebrities that are going to be their special guests. And, uh, we'd heard about the other celebrities that were doing it.

We knew all of them. There are a lot of comedy people. And then they showed us our celebrities. And I wish someone had recorded John Marco in my face because we were like, we had no idea who they were. And we had to pretend though, that they were like someone. And we were like,

wow, cool, very cool. Oh, my gosh, you. And then they were like, this is, of course. And they said their names. And we were like frantically pulling out Instagram to be like, who the fuck are these people? I think I wrote both of them to do the podcast. And they're still big enough to not respond. I'll tell you that.

Yeah. Oh, man. That was a good time. Yeah. And then I guess before we go to This Has Got to Stop, how old is your sister? Sister is 25 now. Yeah. And she's good.

She'll never live independently. But here's the thing is if you, I also tried to do this bit. I'm going to say a word. Just so you know, this is just as a comedian to comedian. You can just go into the story. No, I know. Comedians love to, they go like, this is a bit. And I'm like, you're allowed to lie and pretend you're really smart right now.

Like there are people who thought rodney dangerfield was riffing it up there with johnny but sometimes i see what he's saying in terms of like we've also had people where they're on the podcast and then they just go into a bit that you're like oh that's your stand-up routine oh you're talking about the bit that went so fucking viral okay they got a good morning america the next day yeah that was a great moment i'm just saying like like like podcasts are panels extended in the sense that louis would go on conan and it did seem like it was all right it feels more formulaic yeah yeah but i feel like our generation of comics were more like there's a degree of self-consciousness because we're worried

someone's gonna go got it are you doing a bit right now? For anyone to say, I will never say that to you. I will act like this is like, whoa. Well, for this one, I actually, it's important to specify because otherwise, you know how Borgatti once said that stand up without laughs is a very mean speech?

For a bit, I've never heard that. That's so funny. So, this is one of those where it's like if and it's an uncomfortable because i was going to use the word retarded and i can talk about why but so i was going to do it and i didn't want i love my sister very much and i was afraid that if i just brought it up in conversation you guys would be like jesus fucking christ that's a good point but i was the bit was that yes she she's retarded, but she's rich and retarded. And that's kind of the best thing to be, honestly.

I'd rather be rich and retarded than dumb and broke eight days a week. And that was like the bit. Never works. Never works. But her life is good. She owns a house. She's worth $20 million. And she's doing great she is uh she's good

yeah she has a house and a staff um but she will never live independently yeah how old are you in are you where are you in the the kids i'm the middle the middle do you mind what what what condition does she have she was born neurotypical, six months old. She got really, she started having a lot of seizures, maybe like extreme epilepsy, potentially. How old are you? I'm 28. Okay, so you're still a baby. Yeah, I'm two and a half years older than her.

This was really happening. The crux of it was happening when I was like four to five. So I do remember being told, we got a crazy doctor. Doctors, this is kind of too long an explanation. Sometimes doctors are passed around the healthcare system instead of fired or crazy. So as not to create wrongful termination lawsuits. So we got a crazy doctor and the doctor said my sister was going to die. My sister was not dying.

And that the solution was to pump more and more and more and more medicine into her. And actually doing that was the thing that caused her brain damage at a very young age. And now she has special needs. But she was not born with special needs. And I think had we gotten a different doctor, she might have been totally okay today. But that happened. This really is the downside. And yeah, so I was old enough that I remember my mom saying, your sister's going to die.

But I don't remember understanding it. Like, it doesn't carry an emotional weight for me, but I do remember being told that. Yeah. Do you ever give thought to when your parents die, like, who's you or your brother will take care and make sure everything's. Yeah. So we are both we're both her legal guardian already in the event that they die. Yeah. Really?

Yes. Wow. So we. Yeah. And my mom, that's like that definitely keeps my mom up at night because we're very we're both very busy, you know. Yeah. But I just told she's always like, are you going to be there for her after she dies? And I'm like, yeah.

And she's like, well, you don't visit her very much now. And I'm like, that's because you're alive. I'm like, it's always like, are you going to be there for her after she dies? And I'm like, yeah. And she's like, well, you don't visit her very much now. And I'm like, that's because you're alive. I'm like, it's your turn right now. I was like, I'll take my shift when you're gone. And she was like, okay, that makes me feel better. Do you ever think about that? Do you see a world where she lived with you full time? No, she'll never need to because she has $20 million.

But she. Sure. But, you know, staff. I mean, fuck, I just read the book about, I'm sure you have friends. Fuck, it's the guy who owns Viacom. Oh, yeah, the Redstones. The Redstones. Close, close friends. And, you know, Sumner Redstone, you know, all the money in the world, frankly, in that case, only insulated the abuse that he was receiving from his two people. Like, there's so...

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Money doesn't... Well, I think we want to have a close eye on making sure that the people around her... First of all, like, the ideal situation is, like, a house, maybe two or three roommates who also have special needs, who they can all be friends, and then a staff that takes care of all of them. So, like, a mini group living situation that's highly tailored to her needs and so she but right now she has that and there's a lot of oversight and i think my job would be to keep the oversight as heavy as it is but i also

think she needs to have her own life and she does too like we all live together during covid and she moved back in and she's still 25 like she doesn't want to be living in the same house like it was a disaster yeah like she got very cabin fevery and it was exacerbated by the fact that she didn't understand why we all had to be inside for six months yeah and so like she doesn't she wants to have her own life you know yeah yeah um all right well let, let's go on to This Has Got to Stop. I don't know if the queue's... Paige, can you do it? This Has Got to Stop.

Hey, I like it. There we go. There's better than Douglas. Yeah. This Has Got to Stop. This is where, again, listen, if you like this show, join the Patreon, patreon.com slash downside. One of the benefits is you can write me,

thedownsidewgs at gmail.com. Send me a This Has Got to Stop. We'll do it on the show or on a Patreon episode. And also if you join the Patreon, you can listen to our new live episode with Molly Carney from Saturday Night Live. My This Has Got to Stop. People who come to my shows,

sometimes come up to me after and go i'm sorry i'm such a stalker i watch your videos online and then i saw you were coming here and i was like i'm gonna go to the show that's not a stalker that's my whole business model you fell into my trap and and there's no need to apologize yeah uh uh it's it's it's it's it's like if a a fish hopped on a boat it was like i'm sorry to barge in on you guys like this yeah but it's such a it's such an interesting i think it just reflects the way people look at like how they view online personalities yeah where where some weird thing in their head where they're like, I'm a stalker. I'm naughty. And you're like, you're a fan. This has been the model

for forever. Frankly, if they were an actual stalker, you would probably still be pretty grateful that they were that interested in you. It would be funny to see a stalker with that vibe. I'm sorry, I'm such a stalker, but I broke into your house. I have videos of you sleeping. Please, I'm sorry. I'm like such a stalker, but I like broke into your house. I have videos of you

sleeping. I'm so happy you're here. That happens to me too. I hate that. Or this is the other one. You have that form. Okay. I requested to see you in West Virginia. Now you're in West Virginia. That's just how it works, baby. I know. That's why I have the form. You're not the only

one. That's why I did that. Yeah. So all of you motherfuckers coming to my shows, shut the fuck up. Find a different way to interact with me. I understand it though.

I think the problem is you just like, you have the same interaction a hundred times and you just go like, I don't even know how to make this fun or unique anymore.

You just go. Yeah. Do you have a fan? I know you're in a relationship, but did. Yeah. Do you have a fan base? I know you're in a relationship, but did you ever, did you have a fan base? I'll tell you off the mic. I'll tell you off the mic. I'll tell you off the mic. I, no, I, I timed it pretty perfectly where I was in a relationship right before people

wanted to have sex with me. Oh. So that's been great. No, I mean, i did twice after like lo i think it's i think it's always weird um because it would happen in acting sometimes where they they'd see me on stage and they they thought that i was so enjoyable that like oh this 15 minutes i'd love to spend three hours with this 15 minutes. And I'm like, these are isolated thoughts

that have been carved down for five years. And so I always just felt, I don't like the relationship where someone's fawning. That's not appealing to me. Yeah. And I feel like they just think you're going to be more fun than you actually are. Yeah.

So that being said, I had in the past. Yeah. But it's weird. Yes. You're slept with someone after Titanic. No. Any guys hit on you after Titanic?

No, not really. No. No. I mean, people will send pretty nice messages that aren't sexual in nature. You've never gotten one yet? No. Never gotten a dick pic? Oh, no, no, no, no.

I've gotten like bots, female Russian bots, you know, like, but that's not about Titanic. That's just normal wear and tear on Instagram. Do you have a discussion stop i do okay this is gonna stop hats um starting to get to be summertime people you know i see it every year this happened with hats and i'm not talking about baseball caps i think as a as a society people feel comfortable wearing them. We're used to them. I'm talking about adventurous hats because if I'm being honest, 90% of people, you can't pull them off.

You can't pull them off. I don't see you anymore. I see a choice you've made. I see an aspiration to be someone that you're not. I feel you looking at that hat on instagram or online and being like maybe i could wear that you can't you can't you are cosplaying it's embarrassing it's not it's it's so unnatural it's so unnatural and it makes me sad there's a sadness there that

i'm looking at you and you're like i'm like oh this is who you think you are that's not who you are now are you specifically talking yarmulkes or no no no no no what what's what's specifically like you know the hat but it's a big the wide it can be both the wide brim it can be both listen the coachella hat the coachella hat and i think i think um i'm sad to say it but i think you that's reserved for like celebrities and like kings and queens maybe yeah someone of a higher status than us it it just doesn't the bigger the hat and once in a while if your assistant didn't buy it for you you shouldn't be once in a while once in a while that's what i'm% 10% of people They can kind of pull it off If you're hot enough

It feels authentic It feels real If you're being honest Is it just hot It's a mixture Part of it is hot But I think it's a confidence That also fuels into that

And also you have to have a certain kind of personality There's just some people a lot of people they try them and I just don't think it just feels like you're putting on a costume I think it's a squares and rectangles thing not every hot person can pull off that hat

but every person who can pull off that hat happens to be hot in addition to whatever characteristics they have I could see a weird kind of ugly person with a crazy amount of confidence and that was a real character maybe pulling it off. That's fair. But I'm imagining now because I'm just

saying I usually see it and I'm like it's the only thing I can see. I'm like get that off. You're not selling it. I'm not buying it from you. I just don't buy it from you. It doesn't feel real. It feels like you are trying to be someone you're not i'm not buying it from you i just don't buy it from you it doesn't feel real it feels like you are trying to be someone you're not and uh so stop hats gotta stop stop the coachella hat it's enough hats oh before we go to you page i did say if you join the patreon now we are offering new merch we're offering downside coachella hats and they're

they're one size fits all. Paige, this has got to stop. Mine's kind of similar to Russell's. There's this thing of people saying, is it a fit or is this person hot? Sorry, is this a fit or is she skinny? And there's like, it's this very anti-woman thing in general. Because i mean this is like women on women a woman on women hate crime i think so normally we don't that sorry women are saying

this yes or people in general just online but um yeah i think it's just like if that person has like um a crazy amount of like confidence to pull this outfit off like i think they can pull it off yeah and it's also the thing of like not everybody can wear the same type of clothes like there are certain clothes that are made for certain body types or at least like that fits certain body types better me as a thin person i guess i can call myself i can't wear the same clothes as like somebody who has like curves can wear sure and it's just not gonna look good on me but

to say that like you know is this a fit or is she just skinny is like it's hateful and I don't like it yeah yeah yeah we don't need to put down women at all why can't we just lift people up? John Margo, seriously.

Stop posting that. Stop putting down women. That was a rare downside female perspective on a new show. That's what I'm here for. That was a good one. I like that one. Lucas. Piggybacking off of pages about putting down women.

I am sick of women. No, but this one, it might be slightly misogynistic. So jump in if I'm being misogynistic. So now it's her burden as well to jump in. Educate me, Pete. 23-year-old women who went to Tulane, Syracuse and Michigan have to be stopped. Why are you that way? Why do you work in advertising?

Why are you pro Israel? Why are you all of the various things that you are? And why are you on my show? And why do you keep going on dates with them? It's the real question. No, but it's so there's's a type, Syracuse, and men too, but Syracuse, Michigan, and Tulane breed this type of Jew that I'm not, I know I'm really bringing everything full circle right now,

but it's this type of Long Island, New Jersey Jew that just drives me nuts. And it's, I, and I've, they've must be stopped. They need to go back to long island in new jersey that's what i think yeah no i don't i was i was uh not agreeing with that i don't know wait but i kind of agree with that because i have a friend who went to syracuse who I'm no longer friends with. Yes. Communications major? Advertising, like you were saying. It's so...

It's crazy. It's the gaggle of people doing the same shit. I will say gender agnostic. It's the brunch squad. Everyone's wearing the same outfits. You bought it at Bonobos or whatever. There's one of them with a hat. One of them has the hat.

One of them's trying to differentiate with the hat. They're in the East Village. They're waiting for brunch. They're drinking mimosas. And when they come to you after shows, they go, I'm sorry, I'm such a stalker. It all fits. And they probably say,

is it a fit or is she just skinny? It is probably all of our this has got to stop embodied in a person, which is to say the type of person that is that. And I always wonder, I'm just like, is that enough for you to be all those things that everybody else is? Maybe I'm the idiot because I'm this miserable comedian telling myself that I'm being unique when in reality the price I'm paying for being unique is my happiness. So maybe it's that. Maybe I resent them because they seem legitimately satisfied

with the nothingness of their existence. But that is what I see. I see a nothing existence. Well, I would argue that everyone's existence is nothingness. But it's something that's jarring is that they're in a group of people all being the same kind of nothing together at once. So it feels sad in that way and you're like i could interchange i've lived in new york now 12 years and i can think of three

different generations of that same person that i've had to see uh be that same way so it feels something like that way i just think that they're like the difference between you and them is that they're good at selling their happiness they're good at selling it online they're good at like making a brand out of it in a way of like oh like look at how happy i am at brunch and like la-di-da like fun day sunday like that whole thing is i love brunch you know well brunch is great but like you don't have to bring it has a negative connotation in New York, I feel like, because of them. Yeah. It's a great...

To me, it's rich people. It's mediocre rich drive me nuts. The kids I grew up with, it's like, I'd rather you be a douchebag like me, just a comedian, and be that than a private equity guy like your dad, which is like what so many of these people they just do this cookie cutter thing. And I'm like, what's the point of having means if you're not even going to step outside the mold? Like because the generation above, especially like the crew of kids I grew up with in New York City, there was this generation above us that actually didn't grow up with money. And then the private equity was like they were these Jews that paid their own way through college and they really overachieved and they were smart. And then they got rich and some of them, you know, married dumb, but some of them married smart.

And then they had these kids and these kids were given everything like the means and the tutors and all this. And they still ended up at like to end up at Syracuse from a New York City private school with an SAT tutor and a dad willing to make a $10 million donation is insanity. You should at least end up at Dartmouth. Uh-huh. Wow. I know I sound terrible, pretentious, unlikable, but these are my feelings. Fuck you, Syracuse. My parents are season ticket holders to Syracuse football.

Are you from there? No, outside of it. 45 minutes outside of it. But they're big Syracuse football. Are you from there? No, outside of it. 45 minutes outside of it. But they're big Syracuse fans, and I will let them know. I'm going. I'll be at the Syracuse Funny Bone on October 12th. Are you really doing it? Yeah.

That was one of those. I really am. You should use this clip for a promo. And then we had to cancel it because sales were so low. Is that right? I could see myself having to cancel. They gave me two Saturday shows, which is not even a weekend. So I'm like, I don't know what the organic, who's coming through there.

I have fans at Syracuse, but I don't know that they're going to go to the Funny Bone. And I don't know that they're 21. People ask all the time. They write me. They say, is it 21 plus? And sometimes I'm like, some of the clubs don't care, but I don't know. And I also don't want in writing to be like, come. No, baby, it's 12.

Come on. 12. That's what you went with. I was making fun of you being Chris D'Elia. Was it just because I like to dance? I saw Chris D'Elia in person after. Really? We were both headlining in Minneapolis at the same time.

I was at Sisyphus Brewing, and he was at some gigantic theater filled with people who don't care that he's a pedophile. And he walked in. There's one diner that's open in Minneapolis all night. And so all the comics go there after shows. And there's a lot of comedy in Minneapolis. And he just walked in with a whole ass entourage. Wow. Yeah.

Yeah, it's weird. That was before that new documentary, the YouTube documentary came out. Yeah. That might have sunk it. That might have sunk it. No, I think that was after the YouTube documentary. Really? The Rolling Stone did an article recently.

But this was March. This happened in late March. He's still selling out theaters. People, some Republicans like it. I know. The fact that anyone tries to cancel you on the left is a sign that you should be supported by the right. That's why cancellation doesn't exist anymore, really.

I saw some tweet that was saying that part of the rise of anti-trans rhetoric and anti-LGBT stuff was a reaction to the Me Too movement of trying to pivot away from it. Whenever people go like, the drag queens are pedophiles, it of like trying to pivot away from it to be like the it's whenever people go like the drag queens are pedophiles it's like you're pivoting away yeah from the people we just showed were pedophiles yeah um uh this is a little thing we like to do before we go

to the blessings i forget if we do the blessings first or this first but we'll do this first right now where we uh we we have russell reed a street, Les, do you have a street joke? No. Okay, let me say it real quick. So we're going to show the patrons. If you're a patron, you get your name up on the YouTube. Russell's going to read a joke from this book, Jackie Jokes, from Jackie Marling.

But I'm going to tell one joke first, which is good. It'll take, because it takes some time. We have more patrons. It'll be this joke. Don't look at it again. Well, first I say this. So I went to Sid Gold's, and it was crowded. And so we told the host I was a comedian. We thought maybe will butter him up and sure enough he was like he was like i got

a joke you want to hear it and i'm like of course and we'll get into sid gold's and this was his joke a guy a guy gets a big job in new york so such a big job they're gonna fly in first class from minneapolis where he just got to see chris d'alia perform and he gets on the this like super nice jet to this job and the stewardess comes over and says uh uh would you like any headphones and he says sure but how did you how did you know my name was phones and in order to get into sit Gold's and skip the line, I had to laugh so, so hard. I had to say,

I'm going to try that on stage. And in a way, I did. Yeah. Did you get in? We did get in. Okay. Sang Piano Man for the 100th time. Elon Gold's dad owns it.

It's a live piano karaoke bar. In New York? It's in New York, but we went to it in Detroit, so I think it's like a big chain. Yeah. Oh, I didn't know it was other places. Interesting. So the patrons are scrolling right now.

Okay, here we go. Three guys are drunk at a party on Christmas Eve. As they're leaving, they slip on the ice at the top of the stairs, and they all fall to their deaths. They come up to St. Peter, and he says, I'll tell you what, fellas. It's Christmas Eve. If you could do something to and he says, I'll tell you what, fellas, it's Christmas Eve. If you could do something to commemorate Christmas, I'll let you into heaven. First guy reaches into a pocket, into his pocket, pulls out his lighter, flicks it on and says, a candle.

St. Peter says, excellent, come on in. Second guy reaches to his pocket, pulls out his car keys, jingles them and says, sleigh bells. St. Peter says, creative. Come in. Third guy reaches into his pocket, pulls out a pair of stained women's panties, puts them under St. Peter's nose and says, these are carols. Similar to what the joke you just said.

Sometimes I hate jokes. I hate them. I wish that had been a misdirect and not a pun at the end. Yeah. Yeah. Me too. There was almost a misdirect with the women's panties. I thought it was going to be a misdirect too.

Yeah. But I love jokes. I love jokes. I do. All right. Final thing. Blessing. Blessing.

This has been a good episode. Yeah. Blessing. Blessing. This has been a good episode. Yeah. Blessing. What's your blessing? Paige. I went to go see Moulin Rouge a couple weeks ago with my friend Julia, who came all the way out here from California to hang out with me. But during the show, there was a family of four sitting in front of us that were really belligerent, probably drunk. They were talking the whole time.

So for the first half up until the intermission, I don't remember any of it because I was so distracted. And it got so bad to the point where the woman sitting in front of me kind of told me off in a very aggressive way. woman sitting in front of me kind of told me off in a very aggressive way. So then I got up during intermission to go talk to the usher and who was very sweet. And I told her the situation. And she found my friend and I a better seat in a better room. So I'm very thankful for the front of house staff at Moulin Rouge. And front of house staff in general at any live venue. Yes. Oh, maybe not not everybody's a good person yeah look your acting dreams didn't come true but you're still helping people enjoy

um very cruel if you say that very very cruel um uh i have to be kind of vague, but I had a friend who went through some bad things, and we lost touch because he was going through stuff, and he wasn't ready to talk, and blah, blah, blah. But anyways, he has reached out, and we are talking, and it's nice, and I'm happy to have him back in my life. And I'm sorry this is so vague, but I'm happy to have him back in my life. And, uh, sorry,

this is so vague, but I was trying to give a real blessing. Cause sometimes it's like, all right, the barista, you know, but like, uh,

I, uh, I, I, I'm very thankful for this and, that he's doing okay enough to be able to talk and, and, and,

and, and, you know, well, as I say, God is in the details. And that was, uh, And, you know, well, as I say, God is in the details. And that was.

Lucas, you got a blessing. Yeah. This one's specific. Yeah. You know what? Yesterday I almost take no time off stand up anymore. And I always go on stage sober. And yesterday I had a day off and I smoked weed at like eleven thirty a.m.

Yeah. Which I don't haven't done since I was like a kid. And I was a beautiful day and I walked outside and I went to the gym and I ran three miles and wrote jokes on the treadmill while high. Like I entered like a flow state. That's the only way I can do the treadmill. Yeah. And I just like I was stoned and I was like listening to good music. And I'm just grateful. I was grateful to give myself that time and smoke a little weed and take a night off stand up.

And then I saw some old friends, non-comedy friends, very important, very important at night. I had a dinner with a bunch of non-comedy friends. And it was really it was like an actual day off comedy, which I never I something. I'm like promoting or editing a clip or some shit. And yes, I guess I wrote jokes, but writing jokes doesn't feel, it felt good. Yeah. Yeah. You know? Yeah.

I don't have too many. I think non-standup, but still comedy friends is, is my sweet spot. Stand-ups is tough. You just talk about business. It's very hard to not. These days. My, my sub-blessing is just the other two is such a great fucking show great but there do you want to watch the other two uh i worked at broadway video for a time so i remember

reading the whole first season of scripts bro you got to read the watch this new season but there's pat who gets famous uh she goes back to like see her old friends oh my god and it seems like this beautiful day but at the end you find out she was like i hated them their jokes were awful i was bored it was and the look uh so carrie goes back to his high school reunion and he's like there's a thing about people who are gay in high school finally going back and they've won and then like another gay guy comes in with a big announcement and he's worried it's going to be big and he goes like i booked the understudy for a broadway musical and the smirk carrie gives of like that little smile of like that's fucking nothing yeah it's so perfect it feels like it was written for people who work in the arts and that's it it's so fucking it feels like it's about uh tova and me

we're carrie and i love when that one person that was was like they're like oh I'm just a dentist no nothing he goes no that's not nothing yes it is it's nothing like turns directly in the camera but my real blessing is this there was some it's a small apartment complex I live in and on my floor where you know there's four different rooms

on either side of the stairwell there was some weird alcove and they were doing construction in it and i was like i don't know what this is it was tiny it was a closet and if you go downstairs that's where we put the trash and like the similar alcove there and so it's like maybe it's another trash thing that's convenient just take my trash right there and then i went up and they were cleaning it up and i was like what the fuck is this gonna be and then i saw these two little things to the wall and I said, oh my god. It's a laundry

machine. They are building a laundry machine on my floor. Right next to my door. I'm going to save so much fucking money. I'm going to wear one outfit every single day. And that's it. And I'm going to wash it every night day and that's it I'm gonna wash

it every night Wow and I think it's the greatest thing that's ever happened in my life yeah people are always gonna always got so calm we could do an ASMR I was gonna say you sparked something inside of me that was totally unrelated to your story but it made me feel really you guys gotta watch the video Lucas is rock hard right now and plugs Lucas plug what do you want to plug do we know what's coming out July 25th

July 25th July 25th okay two things my podcast it's called Can I Go Home Now and if you enjoyed me on John Marco's

is that why you kept saying that on this whole podcast off mic so that's that's a new podcast that was whatever. Go listen. And then the other thing is I'm on tour starting in the fall.

I'm headlining a bunch of comedy clubs. They gave me a lot of seats to sell and I don't know that I can sell them. So go to lucaselnick.com and go see if you, you know, check out my stuff. And if you like my stuff, go see if your city's on the list.

It probably is. I'm going to Syracuse. So you know when you're going to Syracuse, you're also hitting major places. It's a big list. I know, I know. This is not,

I did like look at, but I did look and I'm like, okay. All right. That's what I thought too. I didn't know you were doing so well. All right. I didn't know either,

but we'll see. Listen, I got an agent and he got me the gigs and now we're going to see how I sell. The big room with the little room. Let's see. Paige, anything you want to plug?

Plug your boyfriend's clothing company. Sure. Yeah, my boyfriend, Max, he's a co-founder at Basset Case, which is a streetwear brand. They're in Paris Fashion Week right now, which is really exciting. And they do drops like every other month or so online. Um, so if you haven't heard of them, check out their Instagram,

bass case dot gallery. And you're going to go there. Yeah. And I'm going to be there. Get some, get some stories. I want to hear all about French fashion week. Yeah.

Russell, what do you want to plug? Um, okay. July 25th. Uh, I'm still in Titanic, uh,

at this point. Um, uh, And who's to say how much longer? So come now. Come see me in Titanic the musical at the Daryl Roth Theater eight times a week. You have nothing else going on

this coming weekend? On the 25th? You will be at the Downside live taping in Montreal at just four laps. We don't know the day yet. And it's a little frustrating because it's getting closer. JFL, we'd love to know the date. I will be there already, but Russell might not be.

We don't know yet. We don't know. And while we're talking to JFL, if you loved me on this podcast, I would love to be a new face of yours. JFL directly books from this podcast. I would love to be a new face of yours. Your tour books from this podcast I would love to be a new face of yours Your tour looks busy enough I think you're too busy for JFL

So I Listen I don't know the exact dates I think tonight maybe I'll be headlining a show at JFL And let me tell you Not one of the big venues One of the ones you're going to have to take an Uber to So if you're in to have to take an Uber to.

So if you're in Montreal, come check it out. Doing shows just for the culture all week. There'll be a podcast taping. It's very exciting. And then if you're in Canada, fuck it, I'll be in Vancouver August 3rd through August 6th. So check it out.

And at some point, yeah, July 26th through the 29th, somewhere in there, there'll be a downside, right? Yeah. Great plugs. Great, great plugs. Great, great plugs. And listen, if you're listening or you know someone who works at Roadcaster Pro, tell them to go fuck themselves. You motherfuckers.

I cannot fucking believe you. Fuck you. I was going to say this is a downside and then play the music, but I don't have it. So this is the downside. Motherfucker. It worked? No, it's not already. What song is this?

It's the pre-programmed shit in the box. Oh, it's nice. This is Russell's. This is your music.