The Downside with Gianmarco Soresi - #157 Girl Genius with April Clark

Episode Date: September 5, 2023

Comedian April Clark and sub cohost Grace Freud (Girl God) join to discuss the downsides of being a child genius and skipping high school, presidential dogs biting people, auditioning for America’s Got Talent as a 10 year old, and why counting to 11 must be stopped.  You can watch full video of this episode HERE! Join the Patreon for ad-free episodes, exclusive content, and MORE. Follow April on Instagram & Twitter Follow Grace on Instagram & Twitter See Girl God perform in Chicago on November 5: https://lh-st.com/shows/11-05-2023-girl-god/ Listen to The Girl God Experience podcast here For all other things Girl God, visit: https://girlgod.co/ Get tickets to our live podcast recording in NYC on October 2 here: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/694744879637 Follow Gianmarco Soresi on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, & YouTube Subscribe to Gianmarco Soresi's email & texting lists Check out Gianmarco Soresi's bi-monthly show in NYC Get tickets to see Gianmarco Soresi in a city near you Watch Gianmarco Soresi's special "Shelf Life" on Amazon Follow Russell Daniels on Twitter & Instagram E-mail the show at [e-mail] Produced by Paige Asachika & Gianmarco Soresi Video edited by Dave Columbo Special Thanks Tovah Silbermann Original music by Douglas Goodhart Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Sephora Savings Event is here. World in my hand, I'll take this and that. And that. Ooh, and this. Oh, it's true. Find everything you want on sale at the Sephora Savings Event. It only happens twice a year and it's on now through November 11th. Find brands like Rare Beauty, Glow Recipe, Valentino, K18, and more, all for less.

Shop at Sephora today. Limitations apply. Must be a beauty insider. See terms at sephying the role of Josh Gad. He's understudying Josh Gad, who's playing many roles in Gutenberg the musical. And don't worry, he's coming back. Next week, we're going to do an episode that's just me, Russell,

and our wonderful producer, Paige Asachika. And you'll get your extra dose of him to make up for a couple episodes without him. But this one's great. This is with Girl God, which is comprised of April Clark and Grace Freud, fantastic comedians. And as a little bonus, after the theme song at the end, I did a quick phone interview. First breaking down side phone interview with a friend of mine who went to Burning Man. So I got to talk to him while he was in Burning Man.

And yeah, I figured it would be a fun little thing to hear what's going on. Maybe I'll have him on to really talk me through all the downsides of Burning Man. Though it's tough. All these Burning Man people, they're fucking, they think everything's good because their brains have been fried from shrooms. So check it out after the theme song. Tell your friends. Join the Patreon.

Patreon.com slash downside. And enjoy the downside. Welcome to the downside. My name is Jamarcus Harazi. My co-host, Russell Daniels. He's dead. He's dead. Obesity is a real problem in America.

Jesus fucking Christ. No, I should know. I can say that. I hope you're watching this on YouTube as opposed to just listening. She's not saying anything. What? He was killed by a fat guy. He was killed by a really, really, really fat guy.

Much fatter than Russell. Russell is, you fatter than Russell. Russell is, you've seen it online, he's understudying Josh Gad's role in Gutenberg the Musical on Broadway. I saw an ad for that for the first time this morning. We're going to kill Josh Gad. We're going to kill Josh Gad.

This is the podcast where we find out our plan to kill, well, we discover it. We plan it. We figure out how we're going to do it. Personally, I think a gun is a good idea. Sure. There's a lot of things to trace with that. I feel like...

I'm good with going to jail. I'm going through a divorce. I've had a rough year. You're fine with that? You're okay with that? You'd go to jail? No, I guess we have so many episodes. You go to the courthouse for the crime, and then you're like, hey, you want to do the divorce proceedings, too, while you're here?

Hey! So, my co-host today... I would just plead obese, is what I would do. Your Honor, I can't even make it to the bench. Pleading obese, yeah. My co-host today, then, you've listened to her episode of the downside please welcome grace freud hello everybody member of girl god a writer i gotta get in the pose that russell does all the time that's russell's pose when i see little clips i sometimes i worry about

this couch i think it's too comfortable because sometimes when he's not into it and the guest is a little slow, he's just like this. That's good podcasting. I think that's good. It's good to not give a shit. It's good to not give... People like slop. Yeah, fans want the slop. They like when you phone it in.

You become a fan of a podcast. I'm a Jessalynick podcast fan. So I will listen to him be lazy. I'll listen to him just be like, so... Apathy to you of a podcast. I'm a Jessalynick podcast fan. So I will listen to him be lazy. I'll listen to him just be like, so. Apathy to you is a spice almost. It feels like a friendship. Wow, they give such a little shit about me. They must really.

They're so vulnerable. Yes. Yes. And our guest today, the other member of Girl God. I thought I was guest co-host. Oh, forgive me. I said the other guest. You're right.

The only guest today. The only thing different about today's episode is our guest, April Clark. Welcome to the Downside. Thank you. Thank you. It's huge for Grace to be the co-host. I cannot state how excited she is to be the co-host. Because April on our podcast does not let me be the co-host.

I'm listed in the credits of every episode as a primary guest. Yes. Or secondary guest if we have another guest. Yeah. Well, listen, it's complicated. It's complicated. Doing a podcast is hard. You know, there's a lot of moving parts.

And I can't always be in control of who gets credited in what way. I'm talking to my people. You know, you said you didn't want to be listed as the dog, so that didn't happen. And it's a union thing. I didn't know this, but there's dozens of different podcasts. There's podcast hosting union, podcast guesting union, podcast bad guests union.

Can you imagine a podcaster strike how weak that union would be? Honey, they don't do any work as is. Just playing around. You know, as a podcaster and as a believer in labor, all I have to say is I think you're right. I think you're correct.

This is the downside. One, two, three. You're listening to The Downside with Gianmarco Cerezi. Just because i'm co-host oh i thought that was gonna be the rest of the hour look please what oh just that song yeah sure that would make this podcast so much easier once i got into the music i could just let it go because i'm trans and i'm co-host could we maybe do a new rendition of that that's like more hyper pop feeling like sure i got the second button right here.

Okay, great, yeah. What kind of music? Is that a trance music thing, like poppy? So, Gino Marco, I don't think you'll like it. Grace has just opened a can of worms. Yeah, I think that like... She should have known better. Now I'm imagining a world

where you get really into hyper-pop, Gino Marco, and I think it ends with you losing everything you love. Is it anime-esque? Because I grew up on anime, and I feel like that feels like... You know what? I'm going to go ahead and say... Be careful.

I'm going to go ahead and say it can be. It can be anime-esque. It can be reminiscent of some anime soundtracks like Cooley. Well, I'd love it. I'd love it. I'll ask my co-host. What did you watch growing up, anime-wise?

Oh, I was a big... Here's the problem. Can I just say? My fan base can be like theater kid, Jewish. You got a lot of kids. That's a child with a divorce, but no one. It's cool that the Jews are allowed to do theater now. Yes, yes.

We just used to be able to produce it. But I have no fans that like anime the way that I did growing up. So when I talk about anime or wrestling, I can feel them go, what the fuck? So to answer your question, I was a Dragon Ball kid, but like before it was, like I got bootlegs from Japan. And I would watch it in Japanese and I would count down

how many times they cursed. Because it was so much dirtier than American, they showed titties. And I remember like being a kid. Yeah, Richard O'Fallon's Dragon Ball is an incredibly horny show. I mean, there's all this stuff

with Bulma where Master Rishi, I think his name is, he just tries to look at her pussy. And when he does, his nose shoots out with blood. And that's what I thought sex was as a child. That doesn't happen to you? It's just a little drivel. You know, when you get older, it doesn't shoot out anymore.

It's just a little drivel. That's what they exaggerated was that he still had that shooting power at that age. And part of the reason that Goku's so good at martial arts, they seem to joke about is he doesn't want to fuck. Like, he's not interested in fucking. Like they say about Chi-Chi,

his wife Chi-Chi, they go, you've never kissed Chi-Chi? And he's like, no. And so I think Chi-Chi's in the closet or she's just undercover. Oh, it's like a beard situation.

Well, he's very obviously... I don't know what we're talking about. Have you ever seen how long you can participate? Dragon Ball Z or Dragon Ball? No, never in Bulma. I mean, Bulma's stunning. Well, he's very obviously... I don't know what we're talking about. Have you ever seen how long you can participate? Dragon Ball Z or Dragon Ball? No, never in my life. How long can you participate

in a Dragon Ball? It's like when someone talks to me about baseball and I have to pretend to participate. See if you can participate. I'm trying, yeah. I think I got it. Well, I guess, you know,

I'm sorry. We were going to have a fun extra day in New York, but we're going to spend What about Hoku and his fucking... Hey! What about that? Hoku's got bitches.

That's a TV show. I wish we weren't on strike right now. So before we talk about you, April, another thing I like doing on this podcast is obviously have Tova's clients on and then have them learn more about their manager than any client oh please that's good uh so last night um we first of all we we did a little edible we do so that's our that's our night out oh wow and and we were running out and so she said here's this edible it says 10 let's break it in half five each okay and she this more i wind up being very high and this morning she was like, oh, I misread the bag. I think it was

I think we each had like 40 milligrams. Oh, no. So that's fine. It was a good night, but she's working on her sleep hygiene because she has night terrors. We really need to talk about sleep hygiene. So she did the research.

What do you do that makes her so scared? Yeah. I stand over the bed. I say, we really need to talk about sleep hygiene. So she did the research. What do you do that makes her so scared? Yeah. How do you talk to her? I stand over the bed. I say, fall asleep. Fall asleep. Okay. Had enough.

Maybe if you showed her some goddamn respect, she wouldn't have these night terrors. So at midnight, she's put the phone away, which is new. She's put the phone away. We're very high. She's put the phone away. She's reading her book. she's put the phone away we're very high she's reading her book and she says

one of the things with sleep studies is to try to have no anxiety or high anxiety questions right before you go to bed which is something we both do and I'm now stoned off my mind so the reason this comes up

I say to her do you think I have dementia and she goes, actually, fun thing. You asked me that ten minutes ago, Janmar. Exactly. But she tells me this after midnight when I'm stoned out of my mind. It says, oh, new rule.

You can't ask that question now. And I go, okay, well it's a pretty vital question to this moment because if I do, I should do something about it right now. And she says, no, no questions,

no questions like that. And I go, okay, but do you hate me? And she goes, we can't do any. So now I have no answers. I'm high off my mind and she's going to sleep peacefully.

And I think that if that's a new rule in a relationship, I need a runway. Sure. I need a runway. Yeah. Only medical questions tonight. And then tomorrow a runway. Yeah. That's fair. Only medical questions tonight and then tomorrow. Right. Less brain, only heart.

Maybe we can use our position as clients of Tova to ask those questions. We can be like, hey, just professionally speaking, do you hate Gianmarco? Yeah. You have to tell me I'm your client. It's your fiduciary responsibility. Right. As a manager, how do you feel? As a manager, do you think Gianmarco is kind of like a gay little sissy boy?

Like, what do you think, Tova? And just to be clear, Grace isn't saying that Grace thinks that. No. I'm saying things that I could ostensibly. Right. Right. Right. Do you, in terms of Tova's availability, because I think itensibly Right. Right. Do you

in terms of Tova's availability because I think it's just a tough job being a manager because Of course. because different clients I think because I date Tova

I think I'm an okay client. I'm still neurotic and needy but because I've been so close to like what it is of Saturday night, you're at a celebratory wedding and a client, there's no fruit in the green room.

I know what it's like to deal with it, but at the same time, I'm still... It's so hard, especially because when you're on tour on the weekends, you're like, well, I know it's Saturday, but that's when the job is. I'm at work too right now it is I have a lot

of empathy for Tova because one I think she's the best manager ever and two I think we're pretty we don't make we would never be mad about something in the green room or whatever at a weird

time but like i'm i just don't have i don't have like professional brain like some people do so like when i send an email sometimes i'll think it's like not rude or whatever but then tova will call me and be like you can't you can't send that email. Sure. And so it's like, I'm not trying to be a nuisance. But so I do get, because it's like, Tova knows everything like so inside and out. And sometimes I just like, it's like, I'm just, there's a core part of my essence and being that's like tommy boy-esque and i just can't

get out of that so i do really appreciate her i think one of the reasons she's so good at that though is because she came from the khabar community she's like knows existing within such a strict framework of rules and then leaving that, but understanding what those customs are that I feel like she has a deep understanding of. She can understand what the customs and the rules and the levels and who you have to kiss the ring of in this moment and when you're in a place where you don't have to.

Now, in the terms of the two of you, who's more business-minded? Are you more business-minded? I would say I'm better at eating shit and keeping my head down. Or a pain sponge. Turning the other cheek. Not saying anything. Yes.

You know? But is that also, sometimes I think when I was younger. Yeah. Because if we're listeners, you're 14. Yes. And being younger, as you get older there's moments you go you know what i'm not gonna i'm not gonna put up with that i am i'm gonna die one day right and i'm gonna be a little shitty right now right no i i'm like i'm i'm uh i'm learning and growing every day you know

and i i admire very much grace's ability to often be so forward with her feelings and emotions. I have a more difficult time sharing what I'm feeling when I'm angry or whatever. I don't know. I think there's a lot to be said for keeping your cards close to your chest. I admire that a lot because I think that you've always got the big game in front of you. If I talk through something with you, you really know. You are empathetic to what I'm feeling, but also see what we're trying to do big picture wise. And I think I have a real problem with something when it's just when it's to me right unfair right

but that is like kind of childish or like it's like sure I have a really hard time when something is so like blatantly like to me like a not fair thing and it's not about like being like oh we need this at the order it's like hey man you're the promoter promote it you know like sure and something that i really get frustrated about which is i think like a hard concept to understand if you're not in a in my very particular set of shoes is i really hate when people are like oh um oh we're so happy to work with queer artists or whatever and remote queer whatever comedy or whatever which to me is like i don't need someone to say that to me like but if they're going to say that and feel good about themselves sure sure then put in a little effort you know

don't just sure like tova and our other manager aubrey really rock and really they don't talk like that and by that i mean bullshitty but they really walk the walk and they do so much for us and it really sucks when you're working with someone professionally and you can't even send like because the expectation is to not send an email being like hey you said that you wanted to promote trans artists or whatever and you can't even get the venue to post about sure and that's the expectation and i get that's the expectation but in my head i'm like i can't i can't just say this like i gotta just let it be otherwise i'm viewed as a problem i don't know i think with i i feel so uh beaten down at this moment in my really life that i well i mean with this no it's always hard when you're a younger person i'm like

you're killing no no no i mean with this thing in particular i think i i rather than be let down when people don't do what they're i think at a baseline i i just assume everyone's you know yes you know not saying anything meaningful or not saying the truth i think everyone's full of shit all the time touring i think touring because you guys have been touring intensely yes and like i i say i i feel like i know more about just the way the world works from touring like i know sometimes when i the way the world works from touring. Like I know sometimes when I'm at a comedy club, sometimes it just means they have a box for me and everything else is on my

fucking shoulders. Yeah. And, and just a degree of like, if, if I go to Kansas city and sales are low, sometimes they can help. And sometimes it's like,

well, I got, I got to figure it out or I'm just, I'm flying for six people. and that's just what it is. And if they help, I feel like I am positively surprised rather than let down when they don't help. And I think that's a really good perspective to have. No, it just means I don't have any standards for myself. I don't have...

Well, to me, it's almost less like a standard that I have about the profession and more like, why did you say you wanted to do this and this and that in a meeting and then just not do it? We're trying to explain to Grace

the concept of lying. Yeah, I guess so. She can't quite wrap her head around that. I'm just really trying to grok. You're like from that Ricky Gervais movie where no one knows how to lie. It's the reverse of that movie. One person who doesn't understand

the concept of lying in the real world. Exactly. Well, let me just say for those, because I'm sure we have some new listeners just for our guests today, this is the downside. This is a place where, as you can see,

people can feel safe to complain, bitch, kvetch, and we can be honest about the way we're actually feeling. If you're a fan, join the Patreon, patreon.com slash downside

for bonus episodes, live episodes, my comedy special, The Rats Are In Me. And just to support the podcast, patreon.com slash downside for bonus episodes, live episodes, my comedy special, The Rats Are In Me. And just to support the podcast, patreon.com slash downside. And on September 11th, we're doing a live episode. It could be the worst thing to ever happen in New York City. On September 11th, it is with Ari Hershkowitz, who you may know them from the documentary

One of Us, about leaving the Hasidic community in New York. So take a link to that. September 11th at Sesh Comedy Club. Ari Hershkowitz. It's going to be a good time. And just to really, I really should say for a full intro for you, April, a comedian, member of Girl God, writer on many TV shows Not me Wonderful Twitter presence

Funniest woman alive If you recall from Grace's episode, co-author along with Grace of the last two Dave Chappelle specials That's true What an honor to have you We've actually got six in the bank We're pretty proud We've been working our asses off up to the strike to get all those specials written. So right before the strike.

You should do a Photoshop of like Chappelle on stage and you two in the wings just like looking at them. Oh, that's good. See, that's interesting you say Photoshop because we have so many photos of us doing just that. Well, we could shop through them, kind of look for the right one. Yes, we could definitely shop through the photos to find the best one yes so april i did some research yes and i do think it's fitting that you're wearing a next shirt oh yes which uh uh i don't know if like everyone would knows it or like i just i just used to like steve jobs so much i remember being at the age where i was like he's a genius what did you like what did you like about him uh i think i as as a narcissist i sometimes admire unvarnished

egos that that really that will are willing to abandon their daughter for a greater good yeah there's something no because inside of me, I would never. I would never. And I don't even know if it was because of the daughter or just societal pressures of being known as the guy who abandoned the daughter.

I don't know. I can't tell what's morality and what's... Name one cool thing Steve Jobs did. That logo to begin with. It's a cool logo and it cost him like $800,000.

It's a pretty sick logo. You got to admit. I guess it's a pretty cool logo pretty cool the zune was better you can play more games on mac or on pc it's a next logo for those listening it's it's a it's a next logo it was his failed company after getting fired from apple is that correct and then he went back to apple and just kind of gave up on next i think i don't don't know if it failed. But he was useful. I'm not, people, like Elon Musk. Yeah, that guy invented the iPhone. And do you know how much porn you can look at on there?

Well, eventually the government shuts your phone down, though. What? Eventually the government shuts your phone down, though. Well, for the kind that you look at. Well, yeah, there's a limit you can reach at it. Steve, he famously would not. They don't draw dogs doing whatever anymore. Did you know that?

Biden changed the law. Because he has dogs. Yes. It's like, you know, we got to respect dogs. He heard what they're doing. You watch one beautiful 3D animated video of the president of the United States sucking off his hound, and you can't use your phone no more. I love that they have a problem.

Biden's dogs keep biting people. Yes, they do. And then Republicans leak that as if somehow that's going to really sway someone like,

oh, an unruly dog on top of everything else. We need to get that dog out of the White House. What if for Thanksgiving he pardoned the turkey but said, in lieu of the turkey, I'm going to put down my dog. Oh, wow. I don't remember the names of the White House. What if for Thanksgiving he pardoned the turkey but said, in lieu of the turkey,

I'm going to put down my dog. Oh, wow. I don't remember the names of the dogs. Oh, the dog. It's like Sergeant and Army. Sergeant and the Champ or something, or Army, yeah.

I don't know. One of the dogs got removed from the White House for biting too much. And they were like, well, that was the dog that was biting. But like a week ago,

I read an article that was like, oh, the other dog bites people all the time too they've just like kept it more of a secret but the dog bites still oh my god maybe Joe likes to take care of you know Joe likes wild dogs

he likes his son he likes chaotic entities that he has to like go in and give a hug and say hey it's okay I honest to god I'm looking up the names of the dogs thank god I was like, wow. April's already moved on. If the other one is named Navy, you're going to be so embarrassed.

Okay. Oh, wow. There's a lot of articles about the dog biting. I didn't even really know about this. Okay. The dog's names are Commander and Major. They sound like war criminals. Yeah. They're probably at the Hague right now. They left the White criminals. Yeah, they...

They're probably at the Hague right now. They left the White House. That's why they keep biting. They're so used to just biting. Yeah. Well, my original... These are my dogs, Gitmo and Abu Graib. Abu Graib. Yeah. Steve Jobs.

Same with Elon Musk. I'm not saying they invent these, and I hate Elon Musk. They're clearly good at something. And it's like being the overseer and somehow mingling with the politician and the blah, blah, blah. They play a role in the thing.

I think Jobs more than, so here's, I feel like Steve Jobs was like, invented the kind of archetype that Elon is trying to be. Yes, 100%. The sole genius who's at the head of the company making all the decisions. He's the guy on stage being like, yeah, I made a phone. And he's weird, but he's theatrically interesting.

You still want to watch the show. Elon Musk is trying so hard to be what Steve Jobs was, I think. He wants, Elon Musk wants one iPhone moment in his life. Yeah. And he just cannot get it. Steve didn't come from money,

right? I don't think so. Cause I think, I think as someone who came from, I don't know, I don't know. Middle class. I think wealthy people,

they always, they want, they think they can achieve the cool of someone who came up from the bottom. And it's like, you'll never have that connection to humanity ever. You'll never have it. You will die. And you will never have that moment. And if you start rich, at least take comfort that you got to be rich the whole fucking time.

But that's the thing that they crave. Elon's like, I just want to be cool. And it's like, you can to be cool and it's like you can't be you literally can't yeah i mean i think part of it too is it's the half measure of like and i mean there's a billion half measure guys like this who want to be viewed as inventors and literally like don't like have a bachelor's degree kind of, you know, that they probably phoned in. Well, that's the fantasy. You don't know any of the science.

You don't even need that. You're a secret genius. Yes. And you come with these big, you're like, well, what if the phone could take you to Mexico by plane?

And people are like, wow, wow. We'll have a million people figure out how to. What if we made a truck that killed kids automatically? Yes. What if we made a truck that ran on blood? I was just in San Francisco,

and they have these driverless cars there now. They're everywhere. Every once in a while they hit a dog, they hit a person, and people go, we need to get rid of all of them. Yeah. Yeah.

And here's the thing. You know, it's better than women driving. Yes. I'll tell you that much. That's exactly what I was going to say, bro. San Francisco is a safer city than L.A. Because, you know, in L.A., there's a lot of women drivers.

San Francisco, self-driving cars. I just wish that, because currently the self-driving cars are genderless. And I don't know if I'm comfortable with a non-matter. Could we make them masculine? Whenever it hits a dog or something they should go sorry that was one of the women we make them a man's cars no i think yeah it'd be great if the if i think if they made the autonomous cars more masculine i'd like to make them a man and you know the kind of man that's good at driving yeah because then what and also then

what's a man who's bad at right what's a name where you're like man but still no good i'm not gonna elaborate on what kind of men are worse you hear for why because if it's if the autonomous car is male too then when it hits a dog it's like sorry that man was trying to get to work well you should not have been there that dog was in the way of capitalism yeah that dog probably bit a bunch of people in the white house that man was just trying that male car was just trying to feed you want to get you want to get republicans on board with autonomous cars have them hit commander or major that's what we're talking i want to name a dog i want to name a dog army that's such a good name for a dog that is a really good name for my name is my names a really good name for a dog.

My names that I have for dogs and cats. So Army, obviously, I just came up with. I love that. And then for, I really think it'd be cute to name a dog or a cat Hello. I think that's really good. Do you think Army officials sometimes go, hey, I'm a major. Can you not name your dog? Probably.

No one names their dog Cardiologist. I should. That's a good one. That's a really good name. Yeah? Yeah. I like cardiologist for a dog. When you need him to come fast, you just go cardio.

Yeah, that's good. That's good. My last name, and this is for a cat. I want to name a cat this. I want its name to be Tom and Jerry. Three words. That's the singular name for the one cat. I like that a lot.

I think that would be a really cute name for a cat. Tom and Jerry. But then every time you call it and people go, where's the other one? You go, oh, no. No, that's funny. It's just the one. That's, yes.

I like that. I don't think I've ever heard of a name that is two names with an and in between. Tom and Jerry. I think that'd be good. Speaking of cartoons, I would name a cat Jimmy Neutron Which doesn't That's not a real smart one

I just like the name I think it really rolls off the tongue You're a fan of the show? I love Jimmy Neutron What do you like about Jimmy Neutron? He's got That head is I think the only representation

Of how big my head is in media. Your head's not that big. I have a very big head. You don't have a big head. I have a big body, but then you go hat shopping with me and you realize that the head is even bigger than the rest. I see. I see. So the reason I brought up Steve Jobs.

Yes. The reason I brought up Steve Jobs. Yes. I feel like you also wear that shirt because you skipped high school. You're sort of a genius. Well. And in a way, by associating yourself with Steve Jobs, you are, even in an ironic way, saying, I am also a genius. Wow.

Yes or no? Does April lean into into in little ways the I know I'm a young genius I'm just realizing my best friend is a total piece of shit well do you lean into it

I'll tell you what when I bought this shirt I didn't know what it was so no way I didn't know when I bought this shirt where did you buy a next shirt

I found it in a thrift store I found it in a thrift store for like five dollars like you wore a lot of Einstein shirts and no oh my god the rest of her uh wardrobe is einstein doing fun stuff like or he's like giving a middle finger yeah yeah i pretty much i i pretty much wear exclusively that you know to show that i'm a genius but i also like to play around a little bit one is him like hanging out with

um some gangsters and one is him with galane yeah you know one is him um getting sucked off like in that picture of zach galifianakis getting sucked off at the end of The Hangover except it's in his face over Zach Galifianakis' face. And that's my favorite one because you can see some of his penis. Right.

Right. I see you going through every thrift store in America like, do you have Einstein shirts here? Do you guys sell Einstein shirts here? Hey,

do you guys sell Einstein shirts here? Do you have any Einstein shirts where he's like doing something fun or like hanging out or like having a good time? Like once a portrait. No, no, that's not good. No, no. Do you have any Einstein shirts where he's, like, doing something fun or, like, hanging out or, like, having a good time? Like, one's a portrait.

No, no, that's not good. No, no. Do you have any where he's, like, doing something funny or goofy? The Holy Grail is just one of him smoking a joint somewhere. It's a big, fatty joint, and it goes, equals MC. What was I talking about? Yeah, that's right. In the community, that is, you know, referred to as the Holy Grail.

It's the one we're all kind of looking for. There's rumored to be one somewhere in America. That exact it was owned by oppenheimer at some point yes it didn't fit him he was too tall oppenheimer wearing an einstein shirt is really funny imagine him running into einstein be like oh this is so embarrassing did they have wearing the shirt of you smoking a joint did they have like einstein merch when my girlfriend when she was in italy said almost every tourist shop had two of the same shirts wow one heath of their joker and one joker and i was in italy i love the idea like it's like einstein being in italy they think it's the same guy she didn't see anybody with the heath of the joker, but she saw multiple guys wearing that Einstein

shirt. Oh my god. I think it's so funny because it's the Einstein, it's making him sexy. And it's like he was not he was not sexy. But the idea like he's so smart, let's make him kind of sexy. He was into his cousins. They didn't talk about that.

And Oppenheimer had a scene where Oppenheimer was like, hey, that is it really your cousin that'd be good and he's like let's focus on the bomb we got bigger things to worry about than me

Oppenheimer focus on the real bomb don't drop bombs in my life Robert I think that's why when I come in my cousin

that's why some of those scientists destroy the world that's probably why some of those scientists were so weird because there was no time to address,

you're like, well, we're talking about an atomic bomb. We don't have time to talk about the weird fucking cousin thing over here or the fact that Oppenheimer

slept with half of our wives. Oppenheimer, I'm worried when I come and my cousin, I will start a chain reaction that will ruin my son. Oppenheimer, I'm worried that when I come in my cousin,

he could create a million billion atoms that result in my son not being very good at math. I'm trying to have an inbred child. Yeah, and I think that could happen for you. You want 23andMe to find your candidates? Yeah, I want an inbred child because I feel like people who are really inbred are always beating me at pool and i'd like to have a son who's really good if you're inbred

you have i can only conclude you have kind of a genetic advantage at at pool at playing pool yeah guys who only know how to speak like two to three words are so good they're so good guys guys who you're like how do you see your eyes are wrong you're. They're so good. Guys, you're like, how do you see? Your eyes are wrong. Yeah, you're like. They're so, yeah. Are you sniffing the balls? I can't tell if you're breathing right now.

Are you telling me where the balls are through smell? Yeah. You're sniffing around. Okay, because society has become less inbred in general, if it just happened once, is the next generation going to be super fucked? Or does it have to happen a lot? You know what I mean?

Have we separated so much that once in a while would be okay? No, we might have to do it a few times. With Jewish communities, they test for, I'm sure you know the word because you're smart. No. Oh, fuck, I forgot what it is. Is it Huntington's? I don't know. There's some very specific disease that you test for,

and if you both have this gene, you're like, well, you two can't fuck. Oh, really? It's kind of stressful in high school. It's like, hey, I saw you two flirting. You can't. Yeah. You can't. It's called, it starts with an L.

Russell would not know it if Russell knew it. Loser syndrome. Hey-o. Got him. Yeah. Red One. we're coming at you is the movie event of the holiday season santa claus has been kidnapped you're gonna help us find him you can't trust this guy he's on the list is a naughty lister naughty lister dwayne johnson we got snowman chris evans i might just go back to the car Let's save Christmas I'm not going to say that

Say it Alright Let's save Christmas There it is Only in theaters November 15th I am so dreading groceries this week Why? You can skip it

Oh what? Just like that? Just like that How about dinner with my third cousin? Skip it. Prince Fluffy's favorite treats? Skippable. Midnight snacks?

Skip. My neighbor's nightly saxophone practices? Uh, nope. You're on your own there. Could have skipped it. Should have skipped it. Skip to the good part and get groceries, meals, and more delivered right to your door on Skip. and get groceries, meals, and more delivered right to your door on Skip. So when did you start realizing, when did your parents start realizing that you were unusually intelligent?

Well. Just give a real fucking answer for once. I heard that well and I said, here it comes. Here's the formulating. Oh, man. Toby goes, you're doing bit eyes. And I go, fuck, damn. Here's the formulating. Oh, man. Toby goes, you're doing bit eyes. And I go, fuck, damn it. Okay.

All right. All right. I don't think, Isaac, here's the thing. Here's my real answer. Here's the thing. I have a bad feeling. No, I'm being serious. I'm going to give a real answer.

Here's the thing. Why do you keep winking at me? When you're a kid i i think that most of being smart is just being a huge pushover who follows all the rules okay and you know i was good enough at doing school or whatever but i that was complimented by my ability to never do anything wrong and then everyone oh, you're such a good student. You're so smart. You must be smart to be a good student. I wasn't smart.

I was just lame. I know smart, lame people who didn't skip all of high school. Well, that's also, okay. I mean, I think I just got kind of lucky with that. When? But when was the moment that you broke the... My parents told me not there's the the way i i went to the university of washington and i they have a thing

where they take in like 10 like incoming high schoolers every year and they put them they put them wait that sounds like oh incoming incoming high schoolers yeah yeah so like uh incoming ninth graders uh and they put them through one year of prep school, essentially. And it's so hard. Why do they do that? And if you don't fail, they unleash you in the university. And it's their attempt to get some geniuses. It started in the 70s as a psychological, under the psychology department.

It was an actual thing the old building when i when i started when i in in my in that year of prep school um i the building we were in the classroom where all the classes were uh had like glass panes around it was like a it used to be like uh they were doing tests oh my god it was like being in the a lab or whatever and it's not anymore that's what they say but uh oh my god but so yeah so if you most of it's just about like brute force like how much work can you do like did you were your parents did they if i had a kid who was going to skip high school my parents told me not to apply they said i wouldn't get in they said don't even bother you

apply because you were like i don't want to spend any more time with my classmates i applied because i have a problem where i can't not achieve something how'd you even hear about it were they at the eighth grade like scouting a friend of mine was also applying. And he was, I think, the kind of person whose parents really believed he was a genius and wanted him to do all of these things. And his mom told my mom about it. And my mom told me. And I was like, I'll apply. I'll take a swing. Did your friend not get in?

He did not get in. Oh, that's tough. He was the one who wanted it. I know. Yeah, you sent in the application last night. I was like i beat i beat him out yeah um are you still friends with him or are you like you're not no this is like a peripheral friend in middle school so i don't know we're not really we don't yeah do not ask for comms if you're listening to this but um yeah so that that happened and what were you like in school was it hard to leave your your classmates

high school i mean everyone thought i was gay and i was and it was like whatever they mean about it or were they like people thought i was gay too i still went to high school yeah no i mean i had friends like people liked me whatever but it was just like whatever i'm really excited about this new thing honestly going to college and you look at your peers though as less not not less intelligent like you're dumb but like oh i can't connect with you because you're the things you talk about no i don't think it's that i couldn't connect with them i mean i always in school at that age i think i always felt like oh you know like i'm working harder than other people here and that's that was my cross to bear you're 20 now 22 22 yeah okay once you cross the 20 it's a little how old are you a question yeah marco yeah have you seen the movie interstellar yeah love pretty much

i kind of like which part of that movie are you referring to is that i have a i spaceshiped it i went like i went really close to a black hole and then i went like throughout time and used my love for april and my desire to do comedy with her to, um, push her as a child to like not make any waves and to like, not like get in trouble or anything so she could get into the program, you know? And I would push like a, like, like a, like you spoke to her through like the books. Yes. I spoke to her through the books. I got your, I got your hidden messages. Unfortunately, it also left me with a serious mental problem. I believe there's codes and everything now.

I can't watch a movie without seeing the signs. Listen, maybe I gave April schizophrenia, but we did sell out the Bell House last night. And without my interest seller, we couldn't have done it. I'm 29. You're 29? Okay okay so you're young too fuck i'm 35 sorry um girlfriend's 33 yeah and you know she's fine so i bet you're cool too yeah i remember 33 tell her to enjoy it my girlfriend's 50 let's say and uh she says what we do is fine yeah she says she's not a fan but

she's glad we're having fun it's funny if any of my friends started if any of my friends are dating a 22 year old i'd be like bro yeah what are you doing you'd be like bro good for you what are you doing nice yeah what are you doing that i'd be like, bro, good for you. What are you doing? Bro, nice. Nice. What are you doing that I can start doing? Okay. Nice. Nice, man. Nice. When you hang out with older people, do you ever feel like I need to prove that I'm not

a child real quick? Sometimes. I don't know. Like drop in some Einstein fact? Did you guys see the shirt? Right. Well, I think the thing about April is that she never does anything to make people think she's a kid in the first place. It's not that she doesn't have to disprove that she's a kid.

People are often surprised, I think, to find out that I'm the age that I am. I was surprised. Is it fun to drop it? Is it fun when people find out? Be honest. Is there a little fun when people go, you're 22? I like when other people say it about me. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't like to have to talk. I don't want to do it as a little tip because you know she likes it. It is kind of fun to tell people that, but I don't know if April, maybe now the fun of it has worn off. Yeah. I remember when we finally met in person we'd known each other on Twitter for a while before but when we finally met in person you had a lot of fun telling

me you were 19 I remember you were like it's getting less fun 22 is much less fun yeah yeah guys I'm 23 and they're like okay I'm 38 guys I'm 29. And they're like, okay. That makes sense. I'm 38. That makes sense. Guys, I'm 29.

Can you believe it? How did you tell her when you first met? Was it online or in person? You're like, did you know? I actually let the cops tell her. Can you buy me a beer? I actually let the cops do it. Yes, yeah. Like Chris Hansen came out.

Can you imagine Chris Hansen but for sketch comedy duos? Yes. You said you were going to meet here to work on a sketch. Yes. And you're like, not together. Just in my head. Yes. About what?

Modern sexual mores? No, no, no. We have the UCB for waiting outside. They're going to take you to get help. Well, we went and we got a drink. We got some tacos. They were walking to some dumb gay club.

I know that you had a good time telling me because I remember you were like... I don't even remember. I remember it perfectly. You were like... You were just a baby. I guess. It wasn't an important moment for me. Well, I know you had fun.

It's cool that that was like a cool, like emotional moment for you. It was whatever for me. No, I just, I think I have a pretty good memory of interactions I have with people. One day on your deathbed, your life flashes and it's just this moment.

It's just this, me recounting. Right. It's not even, it's not even this moment. Yeah, this moment is cool for me. John Marco is here. I'm having a good time.

I'll remember this. You immediately, your favorite comedian, Grace Freud, was not a huge moment for you. Who? You brought me gift cards. You brought me like five different gift cards. You brought gift cards to your first meeting?

Yeah, you were like, I'm such a big fan. Here's 50 for Applebee's. 50 to Hooters. 40 for Hooters. Here's 30 for Ruby Tuesday. They kind of counted down. I had to declare bankruptcy after that. April was like, I remember you being like, how old do you think I am?

When we were walking to Cubbyhole or whatever. I think it came up somehow. No, it sounds like you forced it out of nowhere. how old do you think I am? When we were walking to the cubbyhole or whatever. I think it came up somehow. No, it sounds like you forced it out of nowhere. I think it came up. I do think it came up. I don't remember, so I can't even defend myself. It was something, we were talking about some movie

when it came out or something. Yeah. And so I do think it, like the age of when you saw something that came up or something. Yeah. But you took it as an opportunity. You're talking about like George Bush Senior. Yeah. Yeah, you saw something that came up. You were talking about George Bush Sr. Yeah, you took it as an opportunity.

Oh, you know what it was? It was literally the 2004 election. I made a reference about John Kerry and I talked about how I was on kids vote and I was a big John Kerry fan. I don't remember this at all. And you said something to the effect of,

I don't remember John Kerry at all. And I was like, really, how old are you? And you were like, how old do you think I am? Oh, okay. And then you were like... But did she say it like, I don't remember John Kerry at all? Well, I was like, you must because you're like 25, right?

And no, she said I'm 19. The idea of you stomping for john kerry is a very funny i knew everything about john kerry i was really politically active at 10 give me a john kerry fact that i don't know let's go he is married to theresa hines kerry who is the heir to the hines fortune. She's siblings with Cheryl Hines? Huh? Cheryl Hines?

Is she siblings with Cheryl Hines? Isn't Cheryl Hines also the heir to the Heinz fortune? I think so. I don't know. Oh, his wife is where all the money comes from. But he was successful before. I mean, I don't really care about John Kerry anymore, but I just watch so much cable news at a very young age. I just love it. You went

door to door, and those were the only facts you could tell people about this candidate you were stumping for. Let me tell you about, he's married. He served in Vietnam, I think. Listen, it's been a long time. All I know

is maybe he lost the election nationally, but i think due to my speech in class grace did only slightly grace if you let her go too long she'll start talking about the recount yeah how we need to you know april there wasn't a recount for that one she wishes there was she's like we need a recount. This isn't right. I don't remember Ohio. There was voter fraud. Ohio. They let people in Ohio.

It's like the Florida of 2004. Some people in Ohio voted three or four times, actually. You know, people crossed state lines to vote several times. He's a nice looking man, that John Kerry. You got to admit that. He is a good looking one. Joe Biden was really good looking when he was young. I think so.

And then he got really ugly. Yeah. Now I think he's better looking. I'm like, you look awful, Joe. Yes, when he started off in the Senate, even he looked not great. But now he's... I would hit it from the back.

I'd do back shots for Biden. Really? No, I don't think I would. I think there's no way to do that that wouldn't be rape. They go like, he can be president. He can be president, but he cannot consent. This is elder abuse. Ladies and gentlemen, we got her. We go live to Grace Freud.

Grace, what's so funny about raping Joe Biden? Have you ever seen the movie Hugo? It came out before she was born. When did Hugo come out? Oh my God. No, the movie Hugo. It was about the magic of film. That joke was about the magic of jokes.

The movie Hugo was set one time we were on about the magic of jokes the movie hugo was that one time we were on stage and grace brought up the movie hugo which is it's scorsese right and and she told me that on stage she was like have you seen the movie hugo which i i have and i and i was like yeah i think so and she was like yeah you know the Scorsese movie? And for some reason, finding out that Hugo, which in my memory is like a, you know, essentially like a B-list, like kind of flop of like a... So first of all, it was a really successful film. Was it really? For those of you who have never seen Girl God,

it's mostly Grace asking, have you seen various movies? April saying no. For some reason, finding out that it was a Scorsese film was the funniest thing in the world to me. It's not funny to me anymore, but it really got me. I couldn't believe it. It just seems insane. And was the audience on board for this joy that you were feeling? I think they were laughing at me and how funny I found it.

But that's fine. That's good. Sometimes comedy can be that. That's good. Sometimes comedy can be that. That's okay. And when you... So you did this year program. So I did this. I did the...

Yeah, I did the year. Did everyone do... So at least you were with some people your age. Yes. And all people who got into the program. So at least you had like a mix of socializing with people your age. Yes, a little bit. They're all so weird.

Yeah, I've met some of them. Wait, hold on. You're saying the 10 kids who skipped high school are weird? Mostly they're really, you get a lot of weirdos in there. You came there just being like, which Einstein shirts do you have in them? Right. They all wear shirts where Einstein is is like doing math and shit yeah and it's like what doesn't anyone have a shirt where he's smoking a joint and it says e equals mc what was i talking about doesn't anyone have that shirt no one had it

so then you finish the program and they go hey do you want to just start college they they yeah well you're a year later they let you they send you in are your parents going like are they do they talk to you about it are they just like you know what april knows at this point they're like on board i also around that time came out as trans and so i think it was kind of a big era for like well april's gonna do what she's gonna do we can't sure whatever she's trans she's smart she's going to do. We can't. Sure. Whatever. She's trans. She's smart. She's doing her thing. You feel smarter than your parents. Whatever.

My parents are so stupid. I love them, but I'm sorry. Was that hard? Was that hard to feel like you knew better than your parents at such a young age? I mean, to be fair, I think most people feel that way. No, no, no. Really? I think with comedians, perhaps. And I think that's why. at such a young age i mean to be fair i think most people feel that way no no no i disagree i think with comedians perhaps and i think that's why i think a lot of comedians and other art

fields yeah experience that earlier than other people do i think people sometimes find that out in college or everyone always 30s or when their parents i guess yeah people talk about like oh the heartbreaking moment of realizing my parents are just another guy. I knew that when I was five years old. I knew this is yours is some stupid guy or whatever. When you were a baby, they're like, this is your dad. You're like, but it's also just a guy. All right. Yeah.

You're just some guy. Okay. All right. No, I don't think that's okay. I don't think that's everyone. Okay. I mean. But like even you, like look at you.

So talk about your story You saw sides of your dad at a young age Where you knew something's strange here Something's unusual Something's wrong Why is there alcohol hiding in the front of the car Engine exploding And that's partially why

You have a perspective early on Where you go everything's full of shit And no one's talking about it. I think that the biggest similarity April and I's childhoods have is definitely that we both at a young age were like, our parents are kind of fucking idiots.

They're crazy. We've just got to figure it out ourselves. They're insane, not serious people. Basically at that point, they were like, whatever, she's going to like whatever she's gonna do what she's gonna do and i was like okay i think it's just incredible that you had the the wherewithal because i felt that way but i didn't have a wherewithal to uh i still went with the system right well you go to high school and then you go to college right i admire some some people who

drop out of college because i'm like the fact that like i didn't think that was an option right like like steve jobs did so true well i'm kind of fact that like i didn't think that was an option right like like steve jobs did so true well i'm kind of you know i had that experience i feel i did kind of go with the system in some like you know i felt fell into this kind of thing but then school finished i didn't know what to do and i went to grad school because school is all i'd ever been good at and what you major in in grad school i was doing a phd in women's studies um and i did that for a little shy of two years looking at boobs and stuff yes the hardest part of that what women's studies is that's how april did it and that's why it didn't work out that's why i had to leave legs pins her ass a phd yep yep uh when you did that did you have any fantasies at all of what you were going to do

with your life with that degree did you i wanted to be an academic i wanted to teach and write and i wanted to and were you like i'm gonna be i'm gonna come up with a new thought about gender no one's ever thought i mean that actually was the drive, honestly. I think my, you know, the reason I went into, another serious answer here, the reason I went into women's studies is because I was young and trans, and I was like, I'm going to figure it out. And then I'm going to figure out what's wrong with me and why I'm like this.

It was specific to you, not society. I mean, I took that to you, not society. I mean, it, I turned, I took that and turned it on society. Like, but I think the drive was, you know, what's happened. Why do I,

why am I like this? And then, and then what happened is I got to grad school and I, you know, got a few years in. And I, I think that drive kind of wore off because I grew up enough to realize that, Oh, I'm not enough to realize that,

oh, I'm not going to figure anything out. None of this matters. This isn't, I'm not figuring shit out. Was it a moment that you hit that, that you were looking at another page of tits and you said? Yeah, well, it was a slow burn because I would look at so many tits. So it was a slow burn of realizing, I don't understand. The thing is with both of you is that if I want to make a joke, the problem is you guys are such yes-anders that we will not return to the serious answer. And so immediately I was like,

now that you said tits, we're never going to find out what April's revelation was. I remember when she left her program. Can I give you a serious answer? Basically, what happened is she calls me up. She's like, I don't think I'm going to find a bigger nipple. I'm like, what? She's like, I think I've been looking again and again and again, and the biggest nipples I can find cover about half the tit.

And I'm like, there's got to be a bigger one. April goes, no, I've looked through all of the library at Stony Brook. I've looked through all of the library at stony brook i've looked through all hundreds of thousands of photos i've read about the library of alexander the tits that were burned and i think i found the biggest possible nipples and she goes and i love those big pepperoni nipples but i gotta stop searching for something that doesn't exist yeah which is what she was looking for i think was a tortilla. You know, the mythical nipple that covers up the whole titty. But when April finally was able to admit that she was not going to find the tortilla nipple

was when she was able to finally leave the program. I understand, just talking with you both, how you have new, how you tour new hours. Sometimes I'm like, another new hour? That's really fast. But I'm like, I can that's really fast yeah i'm like i can see how your world build fast it's just it's just so there's so much stuff there's there's so much jokes we want to tell there's so much jokes we want to tell um uh no it's it's so what was the when what was it gradual it was just it was a slow, it was a slow burn as I.

Were you depressed when you, when you, cause part of this sounds like a nihilism. No, I was, I was like, what am I, what am I doing here? I'm not going to figure this out. Like I don't, and I think a lot, what I was going to say is I, I don't understand how people who are age, you know, mid to late twenties, thirties, et cetera, are like, oh, i'm gonna get a phd and i'm gonna maybe their motive their motivations must be purer than mine because my motivations wore off when i turned like 20 basically this i i think what you're saying is the opposite april yeah i think your motivations were pure and interesting and exciting and helpful to the world and you lost them.

That doesn't mean they weren't pure. I guess a lot of people trying to get their PhDs. No, I mean, I guess. Yeah. For something to do. Well, or I guess I guess I got over. I feel like I got over my thing. My kind of, you know, I I stopped waking up every morning and being like what is wrong with me like

i've got you know that drop the like i think it was like some level of like self-loathing and like wanting to fit what was it the the feeling of something's wrong with me like i mean that's you're gonna like fix something or you're gonna come to a revelation of I don't know. I don't really know what I was looking for. And something's wrong with me is, like, reductive. It wasn't just that. Because it's what you felt is not reductive. I mean, it's just what. I think it's, like, I guess what I'm saying is that it's embarrassing that some people continue to have that, like, urge so late into their life i feel like i you have to eventually realize you're not gonna

solve anything that it is what it is it is what it is you're i'm a i'm a woman i'm trans what does that mean uh i don't know sure uh is it you know you're really 40 and still scratching your head trying to figure out what it means that you're trans and if it's radical to go to parties and stuff like, I don't know. I think I actually maybe because I wasn't involved in this as someone who's not well versed in trans theory. Sure. It's someone like who very much adopts just like the i'm just living my life you know kind of what you were just saying yeah i do kind of appreciate people who are like able to work in a mode and and and write in such a different way than i can about experience like

how i would write about i wouldn't really write about my trans experience i would like write jokes about it or i would write stuff that was like inspired by it, but not explicitly about it. But what you're talking about, the person who's like, I'm going to write a paper, an essay or something about what it means to be a trans woman at a party or something. Yeah. Oftentimes that's just garbage. But when someone's really, really good about at it sure

it can be like whoa you know wow yeah no i i agree it it's i agree i agree that it can't it can be definitely but i but i don't think that i guess i just this there's just this slow kind of falling out of love with fun with doing that yeah and then i i this wonderful life raft showed up which was you know i can kind of do comedy it seems like i see a path to do this it's a you know different kind of writing that i am loving and i felt know, feel like my sense of humor developed over the years. And I got to a place, I saw the runway and the things kind of fell into place. And I was like, I think I'm going to do that. And I met Grace and Grace was like, you should, you know, I was tweeting a lot and doing, you know, elaborate jokes online and stuff.

And Grace was like, you should try doing these on stage. You should try bringing me, you know, go bigger and stuff and grace was like you should try doing these on stage you should try bringing me you know go bigger and and i and i did and it's a lot of fun do you think you would have found your way to comedy had grace not interceded in your life probably not i don't know well i mean i was on twitter i guess already i don't i don't know i mean you're so funny april you're so smart. But it could have pivoted into, like, you could have ended up being, like, a person who, like, took over the women showing their Ls account, and you'd have a billion views,

but you'd be miserable. But I also think there are a lot of people on Twitter who are also funny, who don't, you know, don't ever turn to, you know, people where I'm like, why are you doing this? You spend a lot of time on Twitter for... You were never a theater kid, right?

Were you? Oh! I... Were you, April? I mean... Were you? Yeah. You were.

She auditioned for America's Got Talent she auditioned for America's Got Talent there's video there's video? as a as a

as a young she was in a short film as a young kid as a in like middle school I'll say the rest well through elementary school and middle school

I would say I was I did theater I enjoyed you started a production of Les Mis right? i did a lot of theater you started a professional production of les mis yes who were you gavroche um it was very fun this is my good russell i'm sorry i love russell i'm just goofy so So I guess, yeah, I did theater and I was sick to get paid as a kid to do some shows and stuff.

That was cool. But then I stopped doing that too. What did you submit for America's Got Talent? Were you just reading your tweets? No. Oh, this was, I was like 10. I was like 10 and they had a big open call in Seattle and my dad was like, I'm not talking about this.

Please, no, come on. How is this a thing? This is the thing you're most embarrassed about? What did you sing? I don't know what the song was, but I know she sung while playing piano. Or playing keyboard, maybe. I don't know. Oh, my God.

Please tell us the song. No. How do you know this video? Have you seen the video? I've only heard of the video i haven't seen the video was that that song like some people want and you're a little wait can you please tell us what song it was i think we've truly stumbled on the thing i'm most embarrassed about in my entire life well this is the downside with gian marco sorcesi Oh my God. This would be a real exclusive. I didn't tell my,

my girlfriend found out about this from my parents after two years of dating. They brought this up. Oh, I think I might have told Camille about it. I don't know. She, yeah.

And she's like, why didn't, why wouldn't you tell me that? And I was like, I don't think you understand. That is my greatest shame. That would be a funny relationship where it was like, you should say, you should have said this before we ever had sex.

Yeah. It was a huge deal. We had to talk about it for a lot. And you're still in a restorative justice process. I am, yeah. As part of that, I think you have to tell us what the song was. April, I'm begging you. Please tell us what the song was.

No. April, please. I can't. Please. April, please. Come on, man. I can't. Please, come on, man. I can't. I'll bleep it on the episode.

No, you won't. I use my mouth. You have my promise right now. I will bleep it on the episode. No, you won't. I'm going to say it and then Grace is going to say it a lot of times or she's going to tell you. I can't. If she says it and we bleep it, do you promise?

I can't give you this can't i can't and we bleep it you promise i promise i can't give you this ammunition i can't it's not we were talking about this at the beginning of the episode you gotta keep your cards close to your chest so people can't hurt you promise and that means something to me i was 10 years old okay i was i was 10 years old and what was this did you sing you're gonna pinky you're gonna pinky promise basically what i'm saying is i was 10 years old and what was the song you sang you're gonna pinky promise basically what I'm saying is I was 10 years old you can't I don't even think I really made this choice it was just a song

I knew how to play it was just a song I knew how to play it's not even that big of a deal I'm making a bigger deal we'll still bleep it though this is my biggest shame you're gonna bleep it you're not gonna bleep it I'm going to believe it you're gonna go on marco you can trust you on marco okay but don't say it a bunch of times after i won't i won't i won't say

it a single time if you break my trust i will not say say it. Okay. I was age 10. My father brought me to this big open call or whatever, and I had been playing the piano for some time. And I was 10 years old. This is worse than being groomed. I was forced. I was forced to do this. I'm sorry that happened to you. the song I I'm sorry that happened to you

the song I played was I've never told this to anyone I've never said this to anyone the song I played was that's just a nice song it is a nice song but a 10 year old doing it is really I was 10.

I was 10. Whose idea was that? Why did I know how to play that on the piano? What was happening there? I don't know. Well, you should have chosen a more popular song. I should have. Because maybe you would have been out of air.

I probably should have. Yeah. So. I'm going to get back into my spaceship and interest teller you. So that you choose a more popular song. You did this. Grace did this to me. Grace made me choose the song for this moment.

Yeah. Now I'm going to have to interstellar myself. Yes. So that I interstellar you differently. Yes. Well, if you want to find out what the song is, if you're an unbleaped version, join the Patreon. Patreon.com. Can I say what I thought it was going to be?

Yeah. Come Sail Away by Styx. That's so i thought what i thought it was gonna be yeah come sail away by sticks that's so random i just thought it was why would it be that i thought that was the funniest option and i thought it was gonna be that um sail away also one time i saw a blind kid do it at a talent show it's the funniest thing i've ever seen in my life he was trying to play a totally different song. Come steer the way. Okay. Sincere question. If you had to, some crazy person puts a hit out on you, and they say you have to get to the next round of the first round of America's Got Talent on singing alone. And truly.

And you had to do it sincerely. And you know Simon's not going to be into some alt whatever thing. What's the song that you're going to sincerely sing that maybe you have enough heart? Easy. Summer Wind by Frank Sinatra.

The summer wind is closing in from across the sea. It's a no from me, mate. Okay, wow. Now I'm going to die. That's great, but it's a no from me, mate. I wasn't even saying I was a good singer.

I'm just saying if I had to sing... Well, listen. Would you ever be a part of a boy band? Well, actually, Simon, I'm more of a girl. We've got this great band, One Direction, and the direction is little boys. We need to be an all-trans One Direction.

No one has done that yet. We'd love for you to be a part of One Direction. An inverted One Direction. We could just call it inverted One Direction. Would you consider joining One Direction? It's a no from me. Sorry. Sorry, love.

It's a no from me. Let's go on to the next segment, This Has Got to Stop. This has got to stop. So this is a time we bring up something that needs to stop. Yes. And is there something that you're tired of, needs to go away? I can go first if we want to warm it up. Please, please warm it up.

warm it up please please warm it up um having bananas as a snack doesn't count if the bananas are all inedible you can't just have a bowl of bananas in a delta lounge if they're all yeah completely no i'm totally with you there are not bananas i'm totally not provide food this does not count as food i'm totally put with you. Put it away. It's embarrassing. If it's perfectly ready to eat, if you've got like... You want me to call Delta? Yes. Yeah. Will you?

It's going to be three more hours to get those motherfuckers on the line. Grace will. Grace will. Grace is my friend who will call Delta to complain about something like this. If it was not fair. But I actually think you deserved those bananas. Well, you put out a bowl of rocks and say, well, we had rocks for breakfast. It doesn't count.

I agree. You didn't do anything. I agree. And same with apples. Sometimes the apples, I'm like, guys, I don't think my standards are that high. These are inedible apples. Right. They're disgusting.

Most apples are. Just because you wrapped it in. They wrap it in that case because they're about to fall apart. That's disgusting. No, absolutely. Absolutely. It's not good. Snack selection needs to get way better. I'm sorry, but I think in general, people's understanding

of what a snack is is all wrong. It's basically like sweet crunchy dust or savory crunchy dust. What's in the Girl God Rider? The Girl God Rider is a six pack of shitty beer. It's literally a six pack of shitty beer.

And what if I told you that like half of the places we've been on tour this time have not been able to even do that. But that's okay. I have my rider. I have sushi, brown rice if possible. Wow. Are you serious? The one time the club did it. I have sushi, brown rice, if possible. Wow. Are you serious?

The one time the club did it, I was like, what's this? And they're like, the sushi from your rider. And I was like, and you did it? Oh, my God. That's so funny. Oh, my God. Mic drop. Mic drop San Francisco.

San Diego. Wow. Mic drop San Diego. I've been thinking we got to get a little more creative. You can ask for a little more than that. Here's the thing. No one tells, when I got into this game, and all of a sudden you've got venues

and whoever being like, send us your hospitality rider. What do you need in the green room? What am I allowed to ask for? Give me some rules here. I don't have an understanding of what the limits are. It depends on how much money your show's going to be making. You're making a lot of money.

You can really fucking say, yeah. But they should tell me i need someone to i guess it's it's nice to hear what other people put because i need to understand the rules about that i'm like can i ask for a snack or can i ask for i had this genius here is super simple can i add like yeah yeah we asked for just like a pepperoni pizza because Because we always never have food before. Yeah, that's it. So we literally just ask for a pizza there. I don't know. Can we ask for that?

I think that's reasonable. Maybe not. They wouldn't always do it, but sometimes. But that's nice to feel guilty because I had for a bit, I had a coffee and almond or oat milk was nice. And so then I'd show up and they'd have a gallon of almond milk. Oh, no. And I was like, oh, this is all going to waste. Yeah. And so then I'd show up and they'd have a gallon of almond milk. And I was like, oh,

this is all going to waste. And I felt so guilty. It doesn't feel cool. No, it doesn't feel cool. None of this feels particularly cool. My other genius idea was we always need note cards for different bits we do. And what if we put note cards on the riders? Honestly, we fucking should.

For this show, we always need them. Bell House yesterday had note cards. Yeah, that's where I got the idea. Because they had another honestly we fucking should we always for this show we always need them bell house yesterday had note cards yeah that's where i got the idea yeah they had another genius idea babes right like girls always looking around girls the babes girls just have them on the rider just just just bring them in there yeah it's always really funny when in the green room if we have like a couple friends or whatever and they're all girls i'm like if someone walks in it kind of looks like we just have like a group of girls in the green room it's like no these are we're pals like it's whatever it's a funny look um do you have this has got to stop um yeah i have no you go you go you go

uh i think we got to stop the number 11. I'm tired of having to count to 11 about everything all the time to feel good about myself. That's good. I wish it could be a lower number, you know? When was the last time you had to count to 11? I've been counting to 11 the whole fucking time, man. How many girls in the green room? Not 11.

Yeah. Fuck, just nine. That's all I need. 11's too many. We got to get two more. But that's my fucking, what's it called? A no good Nick? A not anymore?

This has got to stop. A no good Nick. A no good Nick. Back when they did the downside in the 1930s, it was called a no good Nick. A not anymore. You paid five cents and you watched it on a little thing. He's just a Y.I.O. Yes, the Y.I.O. Wow.

Oh, man. Let's go further. Let's see how good our improv game is. What's the 1800s version? That one's pretty offensive. That one was racist. We can't. It was kind of developed pre-Civil War. It's really no good. That one's pretty offensive. That one was racist. That one is really...

It was kind of developed pre-Civil War. It's really no good. Way back it was thou shalt not anymore. Even before that it was just sin. And back in like year zero it was murder. Murder.

Yeah. And it's hard to translate that. It doesn't have a... But it is got at least three slurs. But it's not to translate that. It doesn't have a, you know, but it is got these three slurs, but it's, but it's, yeah, it's not great. It's not great. What's your, this has got to stop. My, my, this has got to stop is I, we've been on the road a lot recently driving around going in gas stations and stuff. My, this has got to stop is you have to have you have to have diet coke in a can in a gas station you can't but this is similar to john marcos you can't a lot of places have diet coke only in a bottle if they have it at all and so you can't put it in a bottle it's never cold

enough no you can't put diet at all of these gas stations, and I agree with you. I prefer Diet Coke in a can. But you just said, if they have it at all, they have it at all the gas stations at some point. Not everyone. You know, I had to go in three places to get you a Diet Coke the other night. Really? In Philly. Honestly? Yes.

I went in several places. They were out. I went into CVS. They were all out. Thank you. I went into a separate store they were all out I didn't know that it was on my way whatever I went into several places looking for

the fact that she didn't bring it up to me is if I got anything and I had to stop at three stores to get that thing that's what we're leading with just so you know this was a big no i actually feel favor i feel like you can't say this without sounding like an asshole but it brings me great joy to to do something and not say that especially for like my girlfriend or whatever i feel like such a good person when i'm

like yeah i stopped at three different places on my drive home yes i passed 12 homeless people on the way there yes and didn't give them any in fact i spit on two of them i did but for her for her uh but but to do something like that and not bring it up or whatever it's like or like you know you do a chore you do a big thing around the house that she was dreading doing and you don't say anything do you feel so good do you literally pat yourself on the back after? Not literally. When she turns around and drinks, you go...

That's all I need. Just like that. That's all I need. But all of this to say, I went into three places and two didn't have it. One didn't have it in a can. They only had a bottle. I guess it's fine. You've been buying the bottles anyways.

I get the bottles. Diet Coke should always be in a can. Also, Monster Energy Drink should always be the color of the can that it's in. I think that would be really cool. Sure. I get that. That's a good point. Thank you.

April, I'm touched. I'm touched. I just wanted to touch i just wanted to say it's so fucked up when you open like a purple monster and the drink is like green or something what is happening here it's so simple just put food coloring in it just make it purple it should be the color of the can that i'm buying that's why i picked the can it's because i wanted a drink that was that color oh how can you even tell though like where are you seeing the color in in the drink when you drink sit like this

i can't tell what the color of the liquid is i don't think you see it on the rim you see it uh you see it on the rim it's there you see it in the you look and i think you i think you do see it it's just weird to have i always forget forget to check the rib in many different parts of my life. And that's really fucked me up. A new element to your life to really explore the colors of all the liquids you're drinking. Let's go on to our final segment. You better count your blessings. You better count your music

Wow. I want a five-minute version of that. That's cool. Who made those? Douglas Goodheart. Oh, wow. A member of my sketch team, Uncle Function, and a great musician.

Wow. In a musical in Milwaukee, which I forget the name of, but go see it. Wow. We say one thing we're thankful for wonderful nice wonderful we've complained a lot it's been a great episode i'm so delighted to complain i uh uh my my blessing i got bumped up to first class on the way back from san francisco oh that's wonderful i mean and it was a it was the good first class it was a dream what line but okay and it was like but i i

fell asleep for i slept for hours the ones where you're gonna sleep straight yeah yeah oh that's nice i've never been in first class in my life and i woke up because i heard like a thud and i was like my phone somehow fell sure sure and it fell deep within this mechanical chair yeah in a way that you so i i suddenly this this blessing became i was like oh my god am i not gonna have a phone it was a really tight day right and uh the attendant she fuck she took off her shoes so she could like get on the chair to dig and she took off her shirt to make it really sexy as she was doing it too and found found this phone wow and i mean and you look in the mechanics of the chair and

it's like there was like an old knife in there oh wow it was so vile you're like so what was the plan here this was just going to be disgusting forever this jesus but found this phone yeah and for for her to do like 20 minutes that's so much i think if you're ever like in business class and the attendant doesn't come after forever, it's because they're helping a first class passenger. It'd be so funny if she got your phone up

and you were watching a video titled like hot flight attendant fucks first class passenger after he drops his phone. The exact situation that you're in. Flight attendant

has to research. Why did she have to take off her shoes? I don't know. I think it would help if you took off. Yeah. Hey, baby, do you think it would help if you took off your shoes? Hey, darling, I couldn't help it.

Do you think you'd feel more comfortable if you took off your shoes, honey? Let those feetsies breathe. Let them breathe. Let them breathe. Let them air out. In the sky, there are no rules. Let the dogs fucking bark and bite. They look a little cold.

Maybe my mouth would be. Between your feet in the clouds, I'm in heaven, baby. Well, I wasn't going to go there. That's disgusting. What did you say? That's gross. You want to suck on her feet? No, I don't.

You. I don't suck on them. That's so gross. I want to appreciate them because they're beautiful. They look a little cold. I don't want to put them in my mouth. You said so. Oh, my God. I can see beauty without wanting to put it in my face.

That was just me doing an impression of Russell again. That wasn't me. Wow. Do you have a blessing? Yes. I think that this maybe one is like, I mean, I just it's what I'm feeling after the Diet Coke thing. I, you know, you're on tour.

April and I have gone on tour so much this year. And when you go on tour together, you know, April's my best friend in the world. And, but it's like, you know, I'm, you know, I think I'm, I'm not always the most easy. I mean, I'm counting all the time and I'm like i i made april give me like a hundred high fives yesterday i had to tell grace you can't do this compulsion with me anymore i can't do that um but i guess like as like just constantly like have a yeah pretty much but i would just like to say that I do I think you are very I'm very

glad that I I don't think I'm the only reason that you got into comedy and that I think you are a genius and very funny and would have found success doing cool funny weird stuff no matter what

but I think it's a big... I'm very blessed that I get to tour with you. Wow. I really think you're a great friend. That's very sweet. What's your blessing? If you can't say me... Yeah, no, I wouldn't want to repeat.

Yeah, you wouldn't want to repeat everything that I just said. Besides, you're like two or three for me in terms of friends so it's whatever you know um but uh no my blessing my the biggest blessing in my life we've had a couple big blessings on the road the first is the day we were flying to toronto on monday there was a hurricane in la sure yes we got out. That's crazy. Our flight was on time. We really, yeah. It was all fucking odds.

It was all good. I managed to get a cab to the airport at five in the morning. Oh my God. Almost got murdered. It was an insane, everything was crazy. Oh my God. We got out. No problems with the flight.

Everything was fine. I felt so blessed for that. I was like, my shit's about to get fucked. I'm not going to make it to the show. I'm not going to, whatever. Everything was fine. I felt so blessed for that. I was like, my shit's about to get fucked. I'm not going to make it to the show. I'm not going to, whatever. That was fine. Second blessing, another travel-related logistical one.

Two days ago in Boston, we wake up in the morning. Apparently a neighbor called the cops to try and get our car towed. They're about to tow our car. We come out right at that exact moment. We're like, please, please, no, please. Pop wanted to tow it. Yeah. The tow truck drivers, though, they agreed not to.

Yeah, they were like, thankfully it wasn't on the car yet, but the cop still gave us a ticket for pretty much nothing. Insane. And we got the hell out of there. But I was, oh, my God, if our rental car got towed and we had a show that that would have been that would have been awful so those are my it was crazy those are my two wonderful close saves of the last year and i think i'm i'm in such a logistics mindset right now and that's the biggest blessing is things not going wrong yeah Yeah. And the third kind of tour blessing was we left the merch at a Philly venue

and we grabbed it. Oh, yeah. The next morning. It was still there. That's nice. It was nice. It was good. Everything's gone.

There's been no major mistakes. Yeah. That haven't been wrecked before. And the show last night was so good. And wow. You know, this tour has probably been, for me at least, the most stressful one. But honestly, yeah.

When you think about it through the good things that have happened. And for me, one last blessing. I'd like to thank God that I'm not gay. I'm going to heaven, baby. Now you're doing Russell. Yep. This is coming out on September 5th.

Wow. Wait, before we go to plugs. Yes. Do you know any street jokes? Do I know any street jokes? She can't say them. Street jokes. Don't let her.

Okay, so normally we do a segment here for the, if you're a patron, again, patreon.com slash downside. Grace is going to tell a street joke while we have all our patrons' names scroll across the bottom of the feed. Wow. So tell us a street joke. Okay, so a rabbi, a priest, and an imam go into a bar. And I'm there, and my mom has talked to all of them, and they're all really worried about me. And they think I need

to stop drinking, and they're all really worried about me and they think I need to stop drinking and they're going to give me help. I've already heard that one. Oh, okay. How about this one? Knock, knock. Who's there? You, faggot. Hey! Let's do plugs.

Let's do plugs. The gray side the gray side Freud Marco I guess I fucked that one up anything y'all want to plug it's coming out

not this Tuesday but next Tuesday yes so our next big show so far on the books we've got a big show in Chicago Chicago November 5 November 5 we'll see you there in Chicago next uh big show so far on the books we've got a big show in chicago in november november five

november fifth we'll see you there in chicago months from today at lincoln hall the big one um get tickets at girlgod.co girlgod.co and um check out our podcast the girl got experience yeah the girl got experience is our podcast and pretty pretty much it's like, what if Grace and I were the ones fully in control of this situation? So it's kind of a nightmare. I felt like I was running the ship. Yes. I felt like that blind ship boy. Okay, I'm going to be at the Stress Factory in New Brunswick September 7th through the 10th.

And then Bloomington House of Comedy September 14th through the 10th and uh then bloomington house of comedy september 14th through the 17th and and remember los angeles at a sold out the first hollywood improv show september 25th we added another one september 26 get your tickets now it will sell out and uh what a delight to have you both here thank Thank you for having us. Thank you both for having me on your show. Thank you for respecting my status as co-host. The Grace Side with Freud Marco Grace.

Exactly. Goodbye. Downside You're listening to The Downside The Downside With Gianmarco Cerezi Hello Hi How are you? Are you okay? Yeah, you know, we're fine

It is a true shit show here Because of when the rain hit It hit right as everyone was here. So no one had really left yet, and all of the people who came late had already arrived. So we're at peak capacity for the event, and short of, like, you know, Chris Rock and Diplo, who somehow got out at the right moment, like, everyone's kind of trapped here. Now, how did they get out? Did they have a helicopter or they just – they got the early risk people weather forecast?

Definitely a bladder. They kind of hiked six miles through the mud to one of the service roads and then had someone pick them up on a service road. But, like, when it is this rainy and muddy, walking two or three blocks could take 20 minutes. You know, it's quicksand. So you walk and your shoes are sinking into the mud and, you know, you can't really get anywhere. So I think they kind of got out at the perfect time. get anywhere. So I think they kind of got out at the perfect time. But the rest of us are kind of just waiting for the rain to subside and for, you know, us to get 12, 14, 16 hours of sun that can help the rain bake and hopefully return the playa where Burning Man takes place to

something resembling, you know, a road that we can actually drive on. So let me just, for people who don't know, I'm talking with my friend Danny, who I just saw in San Francisco, and we were talking about, you were talking about organizing a big Burning Man trip in 2025. I told my Jewish girlfriend, and I said, Danny, she told me there's a Shabbat tent. It's not just sex tents. There's Shabbat tent comedy shows. And she told me, she said, no, there's no way. She said, you wouldn't like it. I wouldn't like it. And I said, no, let's go. And you should have seen the glee

on her face to see how disastrous it's gone this year, proving me right. So you were there since last – you've been there for a while. Last Sunday, yeah. Last Sunday. And it was going well at the beginning at least? Oh, it's been perfect in every way up until Friday morning. I was out Thursday night partying with friends and stayed up for sunrise and got to be next to one of my favorite DJs while he was playing.

I was probably dancing for 12 hours. And, you know, towards Friday morning as the sun started to come up, there was a light drizzle, and all of us were kind of remarking that it felt nice, but we were really hoping that the drizzle was going to stay a drizzle. And as I made my way back to my camp, the drizzle picked up, and it turned into a complete and torrential downpour, and I, you know, sought shelter in my friend's RV, and it just kept going. You know, the Shabbat service that I'd mentioned to you,

it is true that Burning Man spans the gamut. We have both – we have several orgy domes, but we also have, you know, an absolutely lovely Shabbat dinner and service that takes place Friday night. It's one of my favorite events at Burning Man. You have more than 1,000 people who come and sit together and, you know, kind of remark on the week. And we didn't get there. We didn't get to that part of Friday because by midday on Friday,

everything was frozen in place. No one could move anywhere. All of the, quote,unquote roads had been turned into this mud. And the thing about the playa, which is where this takes place, where it's like two hours outside of Reno in this really isolated part of the Black Rock Desert that organizers specifically chose 30 years ago because it is one of the most remote and inhospitable places in the country. So it's not an accident that we're here. It's actually by design, but they've never had anything

happen like this before. And the mud is almost like a clay when it gets wet. So it just cakes to everything. So you're walking with your boots and your boots all of a sudden are weighing like six or seven pounds. And is this where you said that your friends got trapped in the gay sex tent? Is that correct? Yeah, so there were some people who sought shelter in the gay sex tent. There were some people who sought shelter in the orgy dome. There are other people who sought shelter just at the nearest RV that they could find because there were people on bikes. Bikes are how people get around at Burning Man because even if you come in through a car,

bikes are how you kind of go around to the different camps and chase the art cars that house the DJs, you know, out into the deep playa. But these are like, you know, janky bikes that people typically just get for the week. And the mud gets into the gears and, you know, all of a sudden the bikes are completely useless, which means you can't get home. You can't really get anywhere. So you have a lot of people who are really just seeking shelter wherever they could. So for some people that was the XS10 for some people it was the orgy dome,

for some people it was, you know, RVs of people who had opened up their doors. And, you know, for anyone, any of your listeners who might not be familiar with Burning Man, there are principles that really guide how this pop-up city of 70,000, 80,000 people conducts itself. One of them is radical self-reliance. So the idea generally is that if you're coming to Burning Man, you should, in theory, be prepared for something as cataclysmic as this, although I don't think anyone had really prepared for rain. We've been prepared for dust storms, not really rain. But the other thing is, you know, civic responsibility. And I think that this is a community that has really risen up to

the challenge of taking care of each other. There are a lot of people who are just in tents that have been completely flooded. And a lot of those people are finding shelter, you know, with people who are in more stable living situations. But we're all kind of in this together because no one can really leave. Do you feel like Chris Rock and Diplo followed through on their Burning Man principles by getting out of there as quick as they possibly could? I don't think there are many people. Yeah, I don't think there are many people here who are going to look at Diplo and Chris Rock and think highly of, look, I get that they escaped, but they probably left all their shit behind. And they're probably leaving other people to deal with that.

So I think they kind of just wanted to escape. And I get that. We're, like, breaking down our camp, and we're helping other people. About an hour ago, because our porta-potties have been unserviceable for the past 48 hours. Just they're at the brim? They're just, like, poop? Yeah. Right? Oh, my God. Oh, God.

It's, like, feet of mud, and then they're overflowing. And this is the only way that the vast majority of people here have to use the facilities. So, you know, it goes from funny to being legitimately dangerous pretty quickly. And finally, there's like a caravan of people who are servicing the port-a-potties who finally came through. the port-a-potty who finally came through. And when I'm telling you, Gene Marco, that they were applauded like first responders during COVID lockdown in New York City. There were hundreds of people applauding and yelling at them, and they were coming to service the bathrooms. And what did they do? They emptied them out?

How did they do? They, they, they empty them out or they, they, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They're emptying them out to just, you know, extend the durability of how long they can, they can operate. But look, man, I mean, we have food for, you know, another couple of days. Many of the people in my camper, you know, their food and water is dwindling. We only brought enough stuff for the week. We didn camp are, you know, their food and water is dwindling. We only brought enough stuff for the week. We didn't bring, you know, weeks and weeks of additional stuff because we assumed that we'd be leaving today. Are you rationing? We are rationing.

Well, because yesterday I checked in with you, and I think you said you had just taken – the last thing I take is a hallucinogen in this circumstance. I mean, look, if you're stuck indoors, I think you keep open-minded as to how to pass the time. But, look, I mean, technically today is the last day of Burning Man. Technically, today's the last day of Burning Man. We got a notification that supposedly they were going to be burning the man, the kind of big event that was supposed to take place yesterday. But now it's pouring rain again, so I don't know how the hell that's going to happen. Are you nervous at all?

I wouldn't say I'm – I'm nervous for the broader community. I think that I'm in a pretty good setup right now, but I think that if you're not in an RV and you don't have access to heat or dry clothes or enough water and food, we probably have another 24 hours where this all of a sudden starts to get a little bit more dire. What are the Burning Man principles when it comes to cannibalism? Are there anything that hasn't been written yet? Maybe you're inventing new... The New Testament of the Burning Man principles.

I mean, I don't want to say that I've kind of been keeping an eye toward people in my camp who I think might be the yummiest if it comes to it. But, you know, we're in this interesting place where I think the novelty of being trapped in the mud has kind of worn off a little bit. Sure. 24, 48 hours was kind of cute.

And now we're kind of just waiting to see how the hell we get out of here and trying to make the best of it in the meantime, you know, cranking up music, dancing in the RV. I am not one who really feels like dancing in the mud, but I respect and appreciate the people who lean into that way of expressing themselves. Most importantly, are the sex tents still in operation, or does everyone smell like shit and no one wants to fuck anymore? Of course the sex tents are still in operation. Oh, God.

That's the smelliest sex tent in Burning Man history. You know, it's definitely – people are definitely making the best of it, and, you know, the theme of radical self-reliance I think people are really leaning into. you know, the theme of radical self-reliance I think people are really leaning into. And, you know, my hope is that Burning Man is able to continue taking place in the future. I think that this has been a logistical nightmare. And while everyone, I think, has been making the best of it, you still do have a lot of people who are in pretty subpar conditions to be living in.

So fingers crossed for the next couple of days. I think we'll probably be here at least for another day or two. And I have enjoyed looking at the fun that has been poked at people here. I think it's an easy target, and I've even been laughing at a lot of it. But, yes, it certainly has made for a unique burn. Do you regret going yet? No, no. No.

Absolutely not. All right. Look, the night before all of this happened, I was dancing for 12 hours with some of my favorite DJs, some of my favorite friends. The fact that I'm trapped here, you know, a day or two longer than I want, it is what it is. You know, I think this makes for even more special memories. And hopefully we're able to get out here before these get particularly desperate and the people on the sex tent start, you know, resorting to cannibalism.

But time will tell. Now, if you don't make it out, do you want me to play this call at your funeral? Yeah. So I'll text you a will to pass on to my parents. Great, great. Great, great. I think that I will definitely pass on my remaining drugs to some of my friends back in San Francisco. And then my dog, Billy, can go to my sister, Rachel.

And I'll work through the rest of the will as we continue sinking into the mud waiting to be rescued. Well, I appreciate you letting us know. I hope you get out okay. Have I sold you on coming to Burning Man in 2025? I mean, here's what I'll do. If I come, I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I'm going to check the fucking weather forecast for a week. Maybe I'll go for one day, or maybe I'll wait to go when I'm as big as Chris Rock. So the moment I need to get out of there, I'm gone.

It's called the most radical self-reliance. I rely on myself to stay above all the people staying. Well, be safe. Ration. Don't do too many more drugs, I guess, or just do it. You might as well enjoy the final moment. I mean, it's part of the ration. We have some water, some food, and some other things.

That's going to be the breaking news. Burning Man has run out of shrooms. It is official. People are realizing the huge mistakes that they've made. The trees have stopped moving, and the mud has stopped being fun to play in. I

wish you the best, and thank you for this. This is our first breaking news downside phone call. So get out there safe. And then, you know, fucking do an episode. You can tell us more about Burning Man. And we'll see if I go. I'll still try to talk my girlfriend into it.

Looking forward, sir. Be well. Lots of love. Thanks, Danny. Bye. Bye.