The Downside with Gianmarco Soresi - #158 Into the Weeds with Russell & Gianmarco

Episode Date: September 12, 2023

Gianmarco and Paige check in with Broadway’s (!!!) Russell Daniels who’s been away rehearsing for Gutenberg! The Musical!, and we discuss the downsides of freezing your eggs, the fallacies of parenting, why oversized chairs are overrated, and why you shouldn’t abbreviate the term Jewish American Princess. You can watch full video of this episode HERE! Join the Patreon for ad-free episodes, exclusive content, and MORE. Follow Russell on Instagram Follow The Downside on Instagram Get tickets to Gutenberg! The Musical! https://gutenbergbway.com/ See Uncle Function perform in LA on September 27: https://www.dynastytypewriter.com/events-calendar?loxi_pathname=%2Funcle-function-2-5310 Get tickets to our live podcast recording in NYC on October 2 here: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/694744879637 Follow Gianmarco Soresi on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, & YouTube Subscribe to Gianmarco Soresi's email & texting lists Check out Gianmarco Soresi's bi-monthly show in NYC Get tickets to see Gianmarco Soresi in a city near you Watch Gianmarco Soresi's special "Shelf Life" on Amazon Follow Russell Daniels on Twitter & Instagram E-mail the show at [e-mail] Produced by Paige Asachika & Gianmarco Soresi Video edited by Dave Columbo Special Thanks Tovah Silbermann Original music by Douglas Goodhart Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Shop at Sephora today. Limitations apply. Must be a beauty insider. See terms at Sephora.com for complete details. Hello. Hello. Welcome to Behind the Curtain, where we get Broadway understudies to reveal all the secrets of being on Broadway. Here we page. You can fix it here. Scoop it through here.

We listen., chaotic episode. Let me tell people what's happening right now. I haven't seen Russell in a bit. In years. In a bit. You got a beard to really show just how long it's been. I'm going to shave it soon, but yeah. We did announce on the last episode

with April Clark and Grace Freud the news. You announced it when I wasn't here? Yeah, because it's coming out Tuesday. Oh, okay. So we had to explain why we weren't there. Okay. But tell them. Tell the people.

Tell the people. Well, it's really simple. I'm a Broadway person now. I'm a Broadway actor. I'm a Broadway person now. I'm a Broadway actor. I perform on Broadway. Well, I perform. I sit in a Broadway theater. And no, I, yeah, so I'm going to be the understudy to Josh Gad in Gutenberg Musical on Broadway.

Preview starting September 15th. Limited engagement, 20 weeks only through January 28th. Yes. And it won't be like Titanic in terms of like, if you come, I probably can't say hi like I could in the old days where I could just go down into a basement and say hi. But you're going to be leaving the stage door. Yes, I am.

Yes. Oh, yeah. I could say hi at the stage door. Yes, I am. Yes. Oh, yeah. I could say hi at the stage door for any Downsider fans. How high do I need to move this camera for you to not put your hand in front of it? Hey. Sorry, sorry, sorry. No, but like you will, even if you don't go on, do you know, you don't know yet if you're going to have to be there until the end.

I think I will. So listen, if you're at Debbie Downsider, even if you don't see the show, go by the stage door. Go by the stage door. And when Russell comes out, make noise. I want Josh Gad to be like, who's more famous than me on the show right now? It's Russell. Yeah, no, it's very exciting. Got to

go see the theater. I have my own dressing room with a fridge. And now I'm thinking about decorating it. I'm going to bring a chair from home, like a nice chair with an ottoman. Because it's big, I can just sit in there. I want to be comfortable. I'm going to be spending a lot of time in that dressing room. So

trying to think of all the things. I'm going to get a nice lamp for it. So I'm excited. I'm excited. And there is a chance I will be in the show sometimes. There's like a small cameo part that usually, well, I don't know how much I can say. Sure. But there's sometimes I might be in the show, but I don't know when.

And, of course, if, by the way, if you want to know, if you want to find out the second Russell knows if he's going on, follow the Downside Pod on Instagram. Or, and or, and, and follow me directly at Russell J. Daniels. That'll be the direct to the source. I will post it on Instagram if I'm going on, at Russell J. Daniels. Because I've noticed that John Marco has, I think, 260,000 followers. What did you say? I think 260,000 followers. More than that.

Paige, do you want to guess? What do we got going here? 300? That's very generous. I have 279,000 followers on Instagram. Okay, it's grown since I've checked it out. I'm saying literally I have 10% of that. So if maybe a few more downsiders could follow me,

this would help my confidence. No, so I will post. So everyone knows, Paige is running the Downside Pod, Paige. Oh, it's you running it. Yeah, what, do you think it was John Marco? I did. Now I'm going to respect it a little more. Thank you.

Thank you, thank you. So if you'd like to reach out to Paige. Well, so here's what we're doing today. This is some exciting news, too, because, you know, Russell, he's basically being in understudies, basically being you're unemployed in a way. Yeah. And you're just getting paid. I mean, you're mad. I'm on Broadway.

You went to school for Broadway. No, you had a very cool. Let's talk about your cool thing. No, well, let me say what this episode is. Because people are going to be like. Okay, okay, okay. So we're catching up. There's going to be a couple episodes without Russell because he's got a hectic rehearsal schedule.

So I wanted to really get into the weeds and talk with you. And also this is kind of a little bit of a preview. We are, we're doing this earlier than we were going to do. We are going to start, uh, for the Patreon, patreon.com slash downside, offering one bonus episode every month in studio.

Uh, me and Russell page. If she's here, she's, she's traveling the world with her fashion designer, boyfriend. Me and Russell, Paige, if she's here, she's traveling the world with her fashion designer boyfriend. And so if you join the Patreon, we wanted to make it worth it for you guys. So listen, you join the Patreon,

not only do you get almost pretty much one live episode every month for the most part, you get one bonus episode with me and Russell. With just the two of us, which is what I think people like. Yeah, ultimately, ultimately, yeah, it's this dynamic. me and Russell. Just the two of us, which is what I think people like. Yeah, ultimately it's this dynamic.

No, no. Sometimes... No, yeah, yeah. Keep going. And then you get access to my comedy special, The Rats Are In Me, and other little bonus goodies. The merch is coming. We're nailing down my merch. We're nailing down my yarmulke with my new little Leaning In logo.

I don't okay can I be honest I love that the only thing I would say do you have an alternative to the yarmulke only yes I wasn't just going to make a yarmulke okay good because I'm just saying like in the height of there's some anti-semitism

happening these days I think people would be scared about non-Jewish people getting a yarmulke to wear as like a this is my favorite comedian kind of thing. Sure, sure. So just for the non-Jews, I think. Their shirts and tote bags. Exactly, exactly.

But you better be wearing the yarmulke. You better be representing. I'll wear the yarmulke. I'm going to wear the yarmulke to opening night. Opening night. Oh my God. I, uh, so, i want you to tell people though the the real funny part about being an understudy is uh oh yeah page yeah what your okay as an understudy what does your broadway debut look like okay so well in terms of non-cameo like let's say i'm you know drat cat has to be out and i'm gonna have to be in um so i you know that thought crosses your mind as an understudy you're

like okay there's might be gonna be a time in the four or five months i'm doing the show where i have to fill in and thinking about how big of a moment that is for me in terms of like i've always dreamed you know i was little this is why i came to new york i wanted to i want to be on broadway you know and this is like a huge thing and so imagining that moment of like being like okay i'm gonna make my broadway debut in this big part on like just a two-person show and then imagining that definitely what's going to happen is that while i'm like having that moment backstage kind of freaking out it's very scary it's like blah blah you're kind of panicked but also this is a big

moment in your life one of the biggest moments realizing that they're gonna make that announcement that josh gad's not appearing in the show and hearing a full broadway house sigh and groan and be upset and being like, this is the biggest day of my life, people. But it may not happen. You know, it's a limited run. So he might do every show, you know? So there's also that in your head of like, it might not happen.

That's fine. That's what you sign up for. I hope I'm there, though, so I can be like. You can hear it. You can record it. So you can hear the voices of disappointment. And really shout out, what the fuck? What the fuck?

Let's just go. I paid $300 for... Guys, there's still a couple seats at Lion King. Let's go. Let's go. Rally everyone around. No, yeah. So, I mean, yeah.

There's no... You just don't know. There's no guarantee. There's no guaranteed ones. No. No. yeah you just don't know there's no guaranteed ones does Josh make any joke of like hey I'm clumsy no he's joked about like

well you know he joked like in terms of like the first show was on Rosh Hashanah and he's like he's like so there's like you know that's probably the first time you gotta put Russell like so there's like you know they're that's probably the first time

you've ever felt happy about a Jewish girl this is the downside one two three downside downside

you're listening to the downside the downside with Gianmarco Cerezi by the way I told we're drinking if you're you should watch this on YouTube we're drinking out of paper cups so TikTok doesn't take us down.

We're drinking. Social media is destroying our culture. I said to Tova the other day, I said, I bet, because I always have to type in my name for all the titles and stuff on YouTube, and there's a character limit. And I said, because of social media, names will get shorter. Because if there's a hundred character limit, every time I put John Marcos or Raisy, it's a character limit. And I said, because of social media, names will get shorter. Oh my God. Because if there's a hundred character limit, every time I put Gianmarco Cerezi,

it's a huge chunk. I'd have much more intricate captions. You'd be going by Gian. Gian. In the future. If I have a kid, I'm going to name him Guh. Yeah. Just, yeah. Duh.

Ruh-duh. And it's, Ruh-duh is becoming another word but are you going to be anxious when you have to do it? How do you deal with anxiety? When you're anxious backstage because you saw it

I did a taping I did a taping which unlike you being on Broadway this is going to happen Well when I saw you, I didn't go until after the first round. So by

then, you were, I assume in a way, you felt like you had one good take. You had like, okay, that was like, I had a good take, but so here's so thank God. Can you tell what the take is for? I can't say what it's for, even though people were tagging it in the story. I saw that, yeah.

You can't say yet? No. When is this coming out? I think towards the end of November, if I'm even allowed to say that. Yeah. So it was a seven to nine minute set. It was at Webster Hall.

It was called Verified Stand-Up. I don't know if that's the title at the end of the day. These are all public information. And it was like a showcase, six, five comics, I think and uh seven to nine minutes so first one felt really good uh i went last audience was hot yeah and uh then and i was feeling good it was good right yeah it was great i was having a clap off with somebody else in the first row yeah yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, good. So Paige was there to juice it up. Good, good.

And I felt good. I was moving quickly, but not too fast. I wanted to make sure I didn't go way too fast. When I look at my Comedy Central, it's just like I get so energized. I'm just, it's... I stutter more than I need to. And then I went back,

and someone on the show said to me, great work. That was only like seven minutes, I think. And I was like, I thought, I was like, what are you saying? It was too short? Yeah. And I suddenly like immediately, like the floor fell out of my feet. Yeah.

And then for the second one where I was going first, which I was nervous about. Yeah. I was like, I'm going to take my time. First was good. take my time. First was good. Take my time. And I added. I added a chunk that I had not been working.

It had been fine-tuned, but I added an extra chunk. I feel like I really took my time. The audience wasn't quite as hot and clappy, but I felt like I really got a good pace. I felt really good about that one. But I was horribly anxious. I was so stressed to be going first on one of the shows.

And I said to Tova, I said, managers and agents should play a game where they have to, no matter what position their client gets on the show, they have to explain why that's the best position they could have possibly gotten. Because that's what they do. No matter what it is. Oh, 39th. No matter what it is. Oh, 39th! You're going 39th! They're going to be so warmed by that. Then have the reasons for why. You don't want to go fifth. You don't want to start. You don't want to be

seventh. You don't want to be tenth. You really lucked out with this one. And I think what's surreal, and I've said this I think I've said this before where this is the environment

where everyone just wants you to feel good no one wants to deal with someone like throwing a tantrum during a taped set or whatever so

if you're cynically minded you go like I don't I can't trust anyone right now no matter what I do out there it would be I could take a shit on the stage Paige would have said I can't trust anyone right now. No matter what I do out there.

It would be, I could take a shit on the stage. Paige would have said, such good work. You did a great job. Brilliant work. You did great. No, you have to. Yes. As the thing increases of how much importance it is, there's a lot of pressure on everyone else to be like

no it was great you know like uh when i crack but you know you know though you are you at least like you would have known like if you're like oh they really weren't with me or something you know like you're sure you're not like a performer where there's no self-awareness for sure i think it would be tough with that hot of a crowd that was told before this is the taping to like, Bob, unless you were doing new material when they didn't know where they were supposed to laugh. I bet some comedians could find a way to do it, but yeah. It went great.

In the middle, I said, this next joke is from my friend Russell. Russell, are you here tonight? Wait, can I tell you? I asked you twice for information on how to go. Twice, nothing you here tonight? Wait, can I tell you? I asked you twice for information on how to go. Twice. Nothing came in my email. No. Texts were sent. Really? Nothing.

Oh, I thought you submitted for the audience. No, I never got a link or anything. That's what I said. You're not on the texting list. You're not on the Jamarcus Oreses text list? Check out the comments on this episode. We're putting them in there. I thought you would just text it to me.

I didn't know I had to go through your people or something. That's me. You got to go through me now. You know well enough the burden of, oh, I have a big thing coming up. Let me individually text my loved ones. Let me tell you. I brought it up to you on the phone, the thing before, and then I truly did think that there would be something coming.

And then I realized yesterday that nothing was coming. And I, and I, I will give you, I did not do any further things cause I've been a bit overwhelmed with, with the thing, but I, so I'm sorry that I was not there.

Sure. Um, but, uh, I will, I guess I'll get on your text update. Or email list. Or email list. Or both. I get not there. Sure. But I will, I guess I'll get on your text update list. Or email list. Either one.

Or email list. Or both. I get your emails. I get your emails. But I didn't get anything about that. Interesting. Interesting. It's on page, I guess.

I don't know. All right. It was a very urgent call to do it at like nine at night. I'm like, no, nobody's going to open this at night. Sure, sure. All right.

Well, we'll see how many times I see a... Let me go check to see if Russell Daniels is in the mail chimp right now. Listen, I'll make it up to you. You got a good birthday gift. You got a birthday gift. We're going to hang it up somewhere here. It's in there. So cute.

Yeah, I'll hang it up for this. So can I have a little bit more wine? Yeah, me too. So, Russell, I said, like, hey, I said, we're going to drink a little. Let's drink a little. Because I think that's what the Patreon episode should be. And you, like, were like, hey, just, you know, I can't get too drunk. Yeah.

And I get here. Russell's already three beers in. He hasn't gone to the studio. You were a beer in. I'm a beer in. And hasn't gone to the studio. You were a beer in. I'm a beer in. And I knew you wouldn't be. I didn't want to be on the drinking episode and be totally...

Of course not, though. I didn't want to be like, you know. I have anxiety about so many things, but you have anxieties, too. Definitely. But what do you mean? Just the thought of like, oh, no, Jamarco's going to want to do 10 shots of tequila until I black out?

No. Oh, yeah? So I knew, honestly, this video is more so we can send to Russell's doctor when he claims that he's never drunk before. Never had a drink before. Said, doctor, did you ever drink? Russell says, oh, no. I'm a

tea toller but I haven't been drinking because of I've been very you know I've been nervous about you know being

doing singing and things regularly and being in good ready to go condition for that do you feel yourself becoming more annoying in the and I I mean that I'm obviously saying that Do you feel yourself becoming more annoying?

In the, and I mean that, I'm obviously saying that with a joke, but like, can you feel that like, the woman that Louis C.K. talked about in that bit on the train, and you're just like, it's important. No, not in that way, but yeah certain ways for sure maybe i think um i do feel like it's super boring to talk about like being like not drinking and not like you know yeah it's really boring to talk about um but i do think that i i had to set some boundaries in terms of like in able to do it i want to be sure that i'm not gonna like set myself up in case i need to go on that there's any sort of like you know what's the other actress name uh the the who's always josh andrew reynolds andrew reynolds it'll be funny if you your lifestyle gets so healthy that by the end of this you're understudying no um but i think um

uh and it's also kind of funny. It's kind of fun, I think, anytime you're in a new job to kind of cosplay. Like, oh, now I'm a Broadway actor. You know what I mean? It feels a little like that. I think I went through a phase of that when I joined Titanic. I'm like, I'm a working actor kind of thing where I have tea now. I don't even like tea.

You know what I mean? Like that kind of thing. Thank you. Oh, thank you. But in terms of what you were saying before, anxieties and performing, I feel like I'm just

very quiet when I get really anxious in terms of performance. I pace. Definitely pace. I move a lot. I was dancing, though, because the thing about this kind of thing is it's the most important taping I've done thus far. Yeah. And I can't not do exactly what I need to be ready. And if that means dancing near Nimesh Patel, who I want to seem cool near, I'm going to dance.

I'm going to dance. We had a tech. I was trying to move. It was a big stage. I was trying to figure out how to do some things I would do at a club. I wanted Tova there. You know Tova.

We talk about it. The word muse feels fitting, as gross as it is. And I wanted her there, and she was late. They started the tech earlier, and she wasn't there. And I've been doing this long enough.

I know the one way I can make sure they don't run the tech without her there, I left the building. Can't do the tech if I can make sure they don't run the tech without her there. I left the building. Can't do the tech if I'm not there. God. I left the building. How many people are waiting to do their tech because of you? No, I think they were going early.

But I'm like, listen, I'm not doing it without Tova there. I need Tova there. It was one of those things where normally I would be more subtle about saying to Tova, do you think for this, for this? But it's like, I'm in a tight tech, I'm taping that night, and there was no hiding it. Tova was, I was like, I need you here, I need to ask you every question, and I can't hide that I have these questions. People are going to see what your role is in my creative process fully.

Yeah. And on top of this, Tova's getting her eggs frozen. We just got her first shot. We got a nurse. She has to do shots every day. Two shots. Every day? Every day.

For how long? For until the How many years? Until the... How many years? Like 10 days, 12 days. Until the egg extraction. She has to get her blood drawn every two days. This is a fucking nightmare.

And you're... Normally they come to your house? No. They send you this... All the medical equipment. To a shot? Are we heroin addicts? That's what it was like. How would you know how to do that?

So they send it to you with videos. Tova called me and she said, can I move the toaster so I have room for the... And I was like, yeah, of course. Because we don't have a lot of space. There's got the trash can for the needles, which always looks serious. It's red. It's got a... Hey,

be careful. Although I don't understand why you can't reuse needles if it's just for your own body, but I'll trust the doctors on this one. Trust them. And it's also thousands of dollars for these vials and these needles. And we got these instructions about how to do it. And, like, you know, they have the thing with the bubble. It's like you're supposed to tap it to make the bubble go out.

And you're like, well, if there's a little bubble left, does it kill you automatically? Oh, my God. I'm so stressed. And with the bubble, you got to wait for, you know how with the needle, you got a little, a couple droplets to fall off? Like, that shows that there's no more air left. But I'm so neurotic. I'd be like, we need more droplets. By the end, there'd be no more fucking liquid.

Yeah. So we, thank God, we found, we found like nurses do come it's not cheap it's like 150 bucks per session so that's come up hundred dollars every day yes for 10 that's 1150 let me tell you seeing her do it just now 30 minutes ago it's so hot so hot the way you were like the way that nurse came in I was like what about 200 bucks what do we get for that 150 bucks toots

I gave it to her like I was I was going making it rain and how long was she in the apartment for I mean it must have been so quick

10 minutes super quick and for a second I thought like I said to Tova like I was like let's watch really closely

in case we ever do need to do it. We have these videos. And she did it so fast. And I promise if we did what she did, it would take two hours. It really is like you need someone with the confidence who's done it a million times. You need someone with a degree is what you need. I'm always amazed.

I get so stressed about all sorts of medical things. I'm I'm always amazed. You know, people get, I, I get so stressed about like all sorts of medical things. I'm, I love, I'm great at getting shots. Really? Like great. It does not bother me at all. I never even feel it. I'm like an elephant where like they have the skin or something is like, I never feel it at all. I feel like, I'm like, that's amazing.

It's awesome that you're always drunk for the appointment. No, but, um. Really? Do you, do you even look at it or do you look away? No, I do not look. But I don't really feel it. It doesn't bother me that way. But where do the shots go in for this?

In her stomach where she's been putting estrogen pads for the last week. Estrogen pads. What does that mean even? It just boosts your estrogen. You're putting just like... Yeah, like a It just boosts your estrogen. But how do you, you're putting it, just like, like a patch? Yeah, like a tobacco patch or something. Oh.

So this nurse says, she's like, so side effects wise, worst case scenario, it's like PMS times 10. Oh! And I was like, oh my God, PMS times 10? It was like, you don't watch Dragon Ball Z, but it'd be like Super Saiyan. It's like 10 times the strength. Times 10? How do you even calculate that? How do you even calculate times 10?

But that's a lot. Immediately or delayed? I got the fuck out of that apartment. The second shot was in, I said, I got to get to the podcast paper. Terrified I'd come back in, the lights are off. Well, that's exciting, though. It's exciting,

and like, as the man not getting anything done, I just have to be like, it's going to be okay. But PMS times 10, I am fucking terrified. Yeah, but imagine how Tova must feel about that, too. I feel like that's exactly, Paige, exactly. Like, but imagine how Tova must feel about that too. I feel like that's got to...

Exactly, Paige. Exactly. And you have no control over it. I think that's the question, the control part. This is what we talk about sometimes. I say to Tova, she'll say it to me, she'll be like, so, you know, I'm

going to be a monster. And I'm like, do we have to start with that language? Could we start with, we're going to feel emotions, and we're going to breathe, and we're going to not turn the monster onto your one caretaker? You think that there's like a self-fulfilling prophecy with PMS?

Like people are giving themselves permission to be monsters? I just don't like to literally be like... Is that what you're saying? So she asked the nurse, she said, what percentage of people... She's basically saying, are we wimps for having the nurse come in?

How many people are doing it on their own? And she says, no, a lot of people, usually a lot of single women will have a nurse come in to take the shot. Listen, I think you're doing the right thing. I think there's a lot of guys probably that are like, I got this.

And the reason that the egg extraction probably gets fucked up is because overconfident men is like, I got this. Like really confidently just jabbing their girlfriend or wife and not knowing really how to do it is what I would suspect. Tova said that someone said to her like, oh, you're getting your eggs frozen. I guess you and your boyfriend are getting pretty serious. And she was like, actually, it's kind of the opposite. We're like, well, we're not making this decision anytime soon.

It really does suck that there's, like, a time thing. Yeah, it sucks to be a woman. That's true. It is true. That's true. No, listen. I mean, all this shit, I'm like, you have to deal with... When we all get in our 50s and 60s, we're going to have to deal with some horrifying medical things that I think about every night.

I don't. You'll get there. You'll get there. You'll get there. You're young. But women just have to deal with some body stuff just earlier on in their life. That is so fucked up. This is the number of things,

two shots, a pill, estrogen pads. Yeah. It's brutal. Okay, getting an IUD inserted. Exactly. I cannot believe that they don't give you Any kind of like pain medication For an actual like medical procedure It's horrifying

May I ask Do you have an IUD? I do that's why I'm talking about it Sure I imagine because Tova We were looking into it and she sent me these TikTok videos Where they show a video of Just their face as the IUD gets inserted. Yeah. Oh, my God.

Which I would never, listen, I'm all for content wherever I can find it. But if I was getting a catheter put in, I'm not like, baby, get the phone. Oh, God. I got to, I got to. Hey, you're not like, you're not put under. No, no. Just like stone cold. Like, here you go. Open you up.

Let's put that thing up your cervix. They don't numb. They don't do anything? There's got to be some sort of... They just tell you to take Tylenol. I also asked the doctor, do I need anybody here to drive me home or to take me to this appointment?

They're like, no, you'll be fine. they're like, no, you'll be fine. They're like, no, you should bike home. And then I literally sat in my car for like 30 minutes after the procedure. And I was just like, I'll be fine. I'll be fine. I was just trying to like calm myself down so that I was like in a good enough place to drive back. But like, I can't believe that they wouldn't suggest to have somebody take you home.

Sure. Because it is a painful thing. And it's for an extended period after that, too. It was just having a period every single day for three months. Imagine bleeding every single day for three months. Wait, that's what happens? Yeah.

I don't know how any of it works. And then they're like, you got to like let it settle in for like six months. And then after six months, if it doesn't like get if the bleeding doesn't subside or if it gets worse or if the side effects are bad enough, like get it taken out. But it seems like the getting it taken out would be bad, too. Yeah, exactly. Which is I'm nervous about that, too. Once it's in there, you're like, just keep it in there. What, five years?

Five years. But there's a range. There's different types. So it's as little as three years. It could go up to ten years. You have a copper one, which is non-hormonal. But I would say the average is five years. Copper?

Copper, yeah. It's like a natural repellent, I guess. I don't know how it works. Because we did the NuvaRing. The NuvaRing, and it's... You're so unconfident as you're talking about this. Because the NuvaRing was big. The thing is, you could feel it.

Yeah. Okay, well, that's the thing that guys or people say about if you have an IUD, that you can feel it. But apparently that's just not true. That's a myth. What? So what do you think? NuvaRing is different, though.

What do they think they're feeling? They think that they're so big, so well endowed, that they can feel IUD. No, but I went on a couple dates with a woman. She told a story on the storytelling show where maybe her IUD got unlodged or whatever, but a guy was having sex, and it sliced his dick in the middle. Like deep. Like had to go to the hospital. She told the story. Someone fainted in the audience.

I'm about to faint. It can shift. Did she know him? Were they close? Let me text her right now. This would be a good way to get back in there. She, yeah, but the NuvaRing, the NuvaRing you definitely could feel.

And this is intense. Sometimes, oh, I don't know if I should. You, on the process, on the road to the final thing, you kind of, let's get it up in there. Let's do a little more hands than normal. Get it up there. Get it all set.

Sometimes it would slip in. Slip in the NuvaRinga. It felt like I won. I got the brass ring. So what is your wife? Do you have anything? Any kind of birth? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not going to talk about it on this podcast.

IUD? It's not NuvaRing. No, IUD. Pill. Pill, yeah. Pill. Okay, well, I guess I revealed. You did.

No, but, like, that's the, I would say, probably the more common thing. I, like, took the pill for, like. Did you have side effects? I mean, I don't know. That's the thing. It's like, you have side effects? I mean I don't know that's the thing it's like am I just crazy or is this

well that's what's hard about all of it is that you're like you don't like because women exaggerate a lot of things because women are crazy no no no

no but it's like you're messing around with all sorts of hormones and stuff and then there's already natural stuff so who's to say right

it's like am I just chronically like and what's the best option or is this a result of the hormones There's already natural stuff. So who's to say? Right. It's like, am I just chronically like, do I have like chronic anxiety? Or is this a result of the hormones that I am ingesting? That's what I say to Tova. I say, are you mad at me because I did something wrong? Or is it just the hormones you're ingesting?

But it becomes like the same thing. And there's like no distinguishing of it. And it's like, it sucks because like, I don't know what my adult personality is like without some kind of hormones because I've been taking birth control since I was 18. So I don't know. That's interesting. Wow. But that is the thing, I think, with the NuvaRing.

One of the side effects was mood swings. But I can't ever suggest whenever there's an argument is it possible it's the mood swings that were on the piece of paper. I just have to take it. But don't you have your own medications that maybe have side effects that I'm even tempered

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I mean, and there's just also the stress, like, we're doing all these things. It's so much money. And then it's kind of like you hope it works out. At least as much as I know, the eggs get enlarged, and then you get blood testing, and then one day they go ready to harvest them. But there's just so many ways that it could go wrong. And then you go through this whole fucking thing for nothing. And there's no like, oh, well, we'll give you more medication for free second time around because we didn't get the eggs. It's just such a fucking gamble.

And it just sucks. And you don't have to set any semen aside or anything. No, so that's in vitro fertilization. Why are you looking at me as if I would know? Because we definitely don't. That's IVF. I'm not going to look here. That's IVF.

IVF, in vitro fertilization. So you're just doing it so that if... Can I say a weird thing that happens, though? People, because we were we were at like parties for this this taping thing people who we barely know will like casually like bring up like oh so so kids are you gonna have kids or what are you planning or do you want kids and i'm like it's one of the few times in my life that i'm like that's none of your fucking business you you're gonna come over casually like you're asking about the weather,

and talk about, like, one of the biggest questions at the existential core of our relationship casually, and I have to tell you over music? Let me tell you this. I understand why their brains go to it when you say you're freezing eggs. I understand it. But I think knowing you is why I would not be like, even me, be like, are you thinking of having kids, Joe Marco? Do you know what I mean?

I mean, we could have that conversation, but I don't think, knowing you, I would not push that upon you. But I also think that I can see how people's brains, if they don't know you as well, be like, oh, well, they're doing this proactive step of some kind. I can see how, but it is very intrusive. i would kill for you to have a kid i would kill i think i would be a really good dad but i i think i i don't i definitely no i not i think i know i don't want to be a good dad could you just be a bad dad no i want to be like do you think it'd be like... Do you think of any, like, is there...

What do you think you're bad? Like, what's the bad? Because you don't talk to me about your dad a lot. Which, you know, something's got to break. If you can't talk about your fucking Broadway show, you're going to have to talk about your fucking family's dark secret. Something's got to fucking snap. Yeah.

But what would... I know very clearly, like, the worries i'd have about the dad i'd be if you were a dad what's like your bad main worry is that i i don't want to be a dad so i would i would i would resent like having to do all that stuff like i the thing is i can hang out with kids and love kids like and be like this is so fun and get like you know it is like when i have like nephews and they say sweet things to you it's so moving and you can feel like glimpses of what that would feel like if if if it was your kid but i think ultimately like when i look at the day-to-day of parents i fuck that not none Not, none of it, none of it is, is interesting or, and I'm not, I'm not

judging them either. I'm just saying like, for me, none of it is something I want to do, participate in. I think that I get, um, there's so many, like you have to be so present and so like, like to not be shitty at it you have to be so present and so like uh here's this question i don't really want to have time or have time to answer that i will answer and it's rapid fire like blah blah to not just be dismissive and be like shut the fuck up just shut the fuck up and that happens for everyone it just does but i but i also think that so it's it looks exhausting to me that i would feel shitty in the moment being like i don't want to deal with you go away i don't know i just know that i i don't the day-to-day of it all would not it does not really something i want to participate in i i i just like i like so much being able to somewhat have the freedom to live a life without that.

And I think that ultimately that's more of a thing I want to pursue in this lifetime than, I don't know, having to fully raise something. I don't know, having to fully raise something, you know? I think I'm more surprised by your resolve, where I feel so many ways where I don't want to have a kid. The part of me is just like, I don't believe anyone can be ambitious and have a kid, or be a good dad. Yeah.

And be a good dad. And I certainly couldn't now. Especially at the level that we're both in where you're like you're like we're not like here's hey raise this kid for me nanny yeah yeah kind of thing which like is fucked up but truly like in my head of like if i had to do it it would have to be someone raising it full time it's not me but that that's like that that is how i feel and ultimately i don't know i it's even like the stuff where you're like isn't this cute i'm like i don't it's not that cute i don't it's just really it doesn't it really is it really doesn't i don't there's something about it that is not interesting to me like i want that feeling

of like going to sleep and my my is just resting his head on my chest. I have dogs that I hold like that. Sure, sure. And there's so much little of a, I don't think about them at all when I'm outside. So I think the panic of having to, I would worry so much and I don't want any of that. So I think I'd rather, my resolve is I'd rather be sad about not doing it when I'm older than doing it and being kind of mad at this kid for making me not be able to do things. If I had a kid, would you participate? Yeah, that's the thing.

I love all my friends who have kids, all my nephews, my niece. I love being around kids and doing that. Like if I showed up, I said, hey, I just got a last-minute booking headlining San Francisco Punchline. Here he is for four days. I'll be right back. Four days. That's a lot. No, I love all of that.

That's my biggest. My biggest is like, are you out of your mind? I have no family near me to take care of these kids. Exactly. If I live near my sisters, maybe. My mom, it depends if she's got a guy. My mom's in love with this guy right now. I know.

You told me. Oh, my God. Watching an adult who's in love, you're like, you've done this 10 times. Like, enough. Grow up. Grow up. Yeah. And then she's moving to Portland. Wait, get, like, enough. Grow up. Grow up. Yeah. Like,

and then she's moving to Portland. Wait, can I say this real quick before you? You can say it. Can I say, that's how I feel about, like, pop stars who have,

like, so many boyfriends. I'm like, grow the fuck up. Will you be an adult? Like, I'm sorry. No offense.

Ariana Grande. Like, you, how, like, come on. Like, and not even her, but like other ones, you know,

like where it's like, then they may do an album about them. I'm like, you've been in love so many times. Like we've all watched it for 10, 15 years. Grow up. Like they can't all be that great. You know what I mean? Well, for them, I feel like some of it is, I certainly experience farm for material and i just have to imagine

if you're taylor swift or whatever or you're ariana grande you're like those are let me let me go fucking let me just go let me fall in love and break up and so i can olivia rodrigo at 18 doesn't feel it just doesn't feel like i'm a little like the people that are like still like feeling things from their songs. Like, how do you still believe that? There's no way they're feeling that.

They're using it, baby girls. But they do. They get married. I mean, I don't know how they get married. That's what I'm saying.

It's crazy. It's crazy. It's crazy. If you were like, I'm engaged to any pop star, I'd be like, it's done already. It's already done.

When the priest says you take him to be your lawfully wedded wife till death do you part, How do people not laugh? Immediately they should be like, oh, till death? How do people not laugh at that ceremony?

Yeah, yeah. I always think it's funny, when Olivia Rodrigo, her first album, she was 18, and she had these songs about some guy who broke her heart, and I wanted to be like,

get over, you're 18. She was 16 when that album came out. You'll never worry. Yeah, you'll never care about this guy. You're not going to remember him in that happened. You'll never worry. Yeah, you'll never care about this guy. You're not going to remember him in 25. When you're 25,

like, you know. My sister went through a breakup. She was a senior in high school and they dated when he was in high school

but he went to college. And of course, I wanted to tell her right away, like, sweetheart, when he gets to college, he's going to fuck

someone so quickly. But I didn't say that. Yeah. But she was so emotional and it was that feeling of wanting to be like, oh, sweetheart, I promise in two years, you'll never care about this.

You'll never care about this. But do you have things you didn't care about? Like even looking back now? I feel like I got that out of myself. When I was in fifth grade, I so remember having this thought. There was a girl named Genevieve Ryan

who is married. Beautiful name. Beautiful name, beautiful gal. And... She was tall. I did this thing called... How tall? Fifth grade.

Fifth... She was tall. And I would do this thing. Did I ever tell you I did this thing? It was called Mrs. Simpsons because she ran it. Once a month, we would dress in suits, and the ladies would dress in their dresses, and we would learn. It was like something out of the southern.

Like if I had a, what do they call it? The ball or the debutante ball. And it was like once a month we'd show up. The guys would sit on one side. The girls would sit on one side. And Mrs. Simpson was like very regal and would go, alright men

pick the women for a dance. And the men would stampede to the woman that they wanted to dance with. And the first dance was the most important because you would meet with that person at the end of the night. And I was not athletic, so this was a very, this was truly,

it felt like you were, even Mrs. Simpson probably was a practicing Christian and didn't believe in evolution. And it's like, well, actually in this moment, we're experiencing evolution because the guys who were faster got to the women they wanted to be with. And I would run to try to get Genevieve.

And I would sometimes get her. But the saddest part is that there was not an even number of men and women. So there was always the same eight fifth graders. Eight, maybe 12. And, like, you know, God bless them. One had headgear. One had big braces. Women or men? One was pimply. It was women. I mean, it should, God bless them. One had headgear. One had big braces. Women or men?

One was pimply. It was women. I mean, it should be the other way. It should be on the men. You can learn how to run. These women, there's nothing they can do. No, they're just not getting ran to. Oh, that is brutal.

That's so sad. It was brutal. Why is that teacher doing that? Because it's old school. It's old school. Listen. At least you confront the realities of life. You think that's good?

I don't know if it's good, but it's the life. It's the world. Yeah. I agree. You got to know. You got to know. And Genevieve Ryan, she was the one that I'd always go for. And so you'd

learn the box step the cha-cha slide and then one other thing and i mean it was it was like eye contact but it honestly was it was very like this is as you were going through like puberty and like it in a way i don't know it did give you an excuse i am drunk by the way i felt it like as i was telling this yeah that's hilarious. I can tell. I can't wait to listen back and be like, oh no, getting drunk is a bad idea. This episode is unlistenable. We have not finished one thing.

We have not finished one thought. That's a great point. I remember in fifth grade saying to myself, I know people this age, when they say they're in love, they're full of, oh my God. Like, you know, they're full of shit. But Genevieve is going to be my wife. Like, I didn't have the first thought

of Genevieve's going to be my wife. I had the second thought of, oh, I know like a lot of other guys, they have this thought. Yeah. But I know Genevieve's going to be my wife. And I can remember believing that that's so interesting i remember in high school going when i saw uh freaky friday the lindsey lohan version lindsey lohan version i remember thinking like

i'm gonna be successful in my life. Oh, my God. And I'm going to marry Lindsay Lohan. John Markle, you still might. You still could. I still could. It's not off the table. That's true. Let me tell you this.

She's actually pregnant. No, I think it actually is. Really? So what? So you could be her stepdad, like, or their stepdad. I'm just saying, like, don't write it off. You don't know what the future holds. You could be 60 years old married to Lindsay Lohan. But listen,

I think I know what you're saying. I don't think I thought that I'd be married when I was at that age, but I felt like it was real love. But you currently think... Maybe it still is. You do believe now that you're going to stay with Nicole forever.

And we from the outside are like, okay. Speak for yourself. Oh, my God. Don't let me into this. That's crazy. I love Nicole. But it's like seeing my mom. So my mom, she's going to move to fucking Portland with this guy.

Yeah. But also good. But I've said this to her face because she'll listen to this i said i said i need to meet him i need to meet him and i understand that these roles are weird i understand but if i married someone and she she would say can I meet them? And she owes that to her children. Because you're saying you're bringing someone into your life who, at least in theory, you're saying, whenever I see you, I'm going to see him. You need to reverse the way that the world works. You're not going to just run away with this guy, old lady.

You need. Your mom's not old. How old is this guy? I don't. He's got to be older than her. What does he do? I don't even know. I know if my mom's in love.

Something's going well. Either the Monday or the... What? Something. What? Something. But to see your mom in love or like talking in this way or like I haven't heard from my mom for three weeks and you're like, hello. Oh, wow.

Oh, yeah. That's a lot. On a darker note, when you have these things like these, like theing which was like a big deal there is a I think I do feel sadness where it's like there was a there was a moment it seemed like my dad was gonna come like randomly come to New York the week of the taping and I called my poor sister

who has to be like the interlocutor mediator for all this I had to be like do not tell him that I have a taping. He cannot be there. It's sad. It's sad. He doesn't know

about the taping. If I told him about the taping, he'd be like, I'd have to walk him through. Better to wait until it comes out and then to send it to him. Yeah. I'm working on, I think, what is my first joke that I do think would upset my father.

Oh. Like, I think I've said a lot of, like... As if the other stuff would... That's the point. The other stuff, which I've talked about is heart surgeries, cheating, dating younger. I think I found one that is so personal. Ooh. That isn't even mean towards him. That isn't even mean towards him.

It's not even mean towards him. It just talks about something that he's very emotional about. That it's about, he basically, the joke is essentially, but it's true. If you ask my dad

who his best friend is, he'll say Kevin. Kevin's my best friend. And the thing about Kevin is, he died in 1971. It's funny. He basically had a friend who was 18. He died in a motorcycle

accident. The problem is that in his mind, he's like, that was it. That was the friend. I'm like, okay. Even if you get to heaven, Kevin's moved on at this point. The men, our fathers, they do not have friends. Yeah.

I almost feel like it's like... If only now he could be like, Kevin, you want to do a podcast to make sure we see each other once a week? Some men that age do have friends. But I think way more so than our generation. Like that generation just doesn't... The men didn't have friends. Or didn't... I don't know what happens, but they didn't

pursue it. Because also my dad did have friends at one point, and still has couples friends with my mom. Couples friends. It's not the same. It's not the same as friend friends. I think there's a thing where Tova has such a great group of friends, but it never feels full to

me because i'm like if tova and i break up you are not my friend anymore and that caveat to a relationship is huge it's deep it's it's underneath all of it And Have you had people That you were friends with both And they broke up And you stayed friends with both No Or ended in divorce and stayed friends with both No and I've seen it

You know I'm trying to think right now too I feel like you usually pick one We were going to do And usually it's the one that you like Sure But like she's been friends with these people I feel like you usually pick one. We were going to do... And usually it's the one that you like to do. Sure. But she's been friends with these people. But we were going to do, until you booked this thing,

we were going to go glamping to Governor's Island. And you, me, Tova, and your wife were going to do shrooms. And it was going to be glorious. And so now you can't. So we found Tova's friends are going to do it. And it's going to be great but I just know deep down there's this thing

of like you're Tova's friends yeah yeah and if you went even if Tova and I broke up we'd still be friends

and you she'd still be your manager oh yeah so there's a relationship I haven't thought of that one yet no but we would.

That's what I would. Yeah, it would be different. I'd make a passive aggressive. You would be so annoying about it. No, I disagree. No, actually, listen. We can joke on the podcast, but I think I am a good friend. I'm changing my tune.

I think actually you'd be really respectful about it. I'd be really respectful. I think it would be like you know it'd be like a weird couple weeks. You'd be like you're gonna be like and how are you?

That was everything. You know. And I'd be like and I would know not to bring up certain things and then it would be fine. Russell so Russell called me last week

because we haven't seen each other in a while. And Russell by the way I listened to I was gonna pull the clip but I'm too lazy. Bert Kreischer

and Tom Segura who do a podcast together, they started an episode, I just saw it on YouTube, and I guess before the episode they had a serious talk about how Tom Segura feels like Bert

sometimes ignores his texts and calls and how it really affected him. And it was just funny because Russell called me last week and it was very sweet because he's been busy.

I haven't seen him as much. And he called me to, like, talk. He called to talk and share. And not that feeling of, like, Russell trying to get off the phone. But the way Russell started, he said, hey, I'm calling. Like, he gets, like, extra points for being, like, a regular. It's like you're calling your mom. That's what went through my head too while I was

doing it I was like being like hey this is me making an effort but also I had the just so you know I had the genuine impulse to call and talk to you on the phone so I wanted to highlight that I was like I was feeling new things it was lovely I hadn't seen

you in a while like I does feel I miss you I feel like I haven't seen you as much. I've been away. So much is happening. Ending the other show. We had such good drinks with your friends two weeks ago. That was so nice. When was that?

Oh, yeah. That was nice. We're both doing things. Is there any more? Yeah. Let's do a little more. I can push. I have a thing still, but I have another.

Oh, God, you have to go to something after this? Oh, no. No, I have an 1130 spot in New York. Oh, my God. Why? That's disgusting. I just did a taping. I'm going to be a little loose.

I got to work on some more. Where's your spot? New York Comedy Club. I'm going to take a cab. I'm being a fucking. But the thing about, because I added a little extra to the set. Like I, I did a new, a little stuff that I wasn't planning on doing. Yeah.

And there was a thought where I'm like, Oh, this is really good material that I'm burning. This, this, this, this is big enough that I'm like, okay, the jokes I do in this, it's burnt. It's done. Yeah. And, uh, now I feel the stress of like an hour's gonna come up next and I burnt some really good jokes it's tough to feel like you're like

I gave up I fully feel like I've burnt my best opener that I've ever written oh wow that I've ever written wow so what kind of wine is this Paige?

I don't know no but I'll repeat it So, what kind of wine is this, Paige? No, but I'll repeat it. No, I'll repeat it. Oh, yeah? It's very good. It's called Kiss Kiss Matty's Lips. Kiss Kiss Matty's Lips. Kiss Kiss Matty's Lips. Like Cabernet Malone, Kiss Kiss Matty's Lips.

I feel like what's fun with the Patreon, and I do think we'll get Douglas on some Patreons. Definitely. Douglas is never here while I'm here, so it'd be fun to have him. Chris said to text the other day that I cannot say the details of. It was so fucking funny. Wait, to all of us or just to you?

The one hint I'll give you is, oh, God, I forgot the word. Scoliosis. Oh, yeah. One of the funniest texts I've ever seen. That really made me laugh so hard. I laughed so hard. I can't even tell you. That really made me laugh so hard. I laughed so hard. I can't even tell you. That was so funny.

It was. God. And Chris will never listen to this because there's no way. The thing about Chris is so fucking funny. But his father was a politician. He's a good boy. He's a polite boy. I mean, honestly, Uncle Function, one thing we do have in common is we all are good boys to a degree.

We're well-behaved in society. We're not rebel rousers. Rebel rousers. Also, just to say, this was not an offensive. It's not like he was saying a slur. That's where my

It was not an edgelord thing. It was a very specific It was a voice note, three minutes Chinese accent. No, yes. That's where my movie went through immediately. It was not an edgelord thing. It was a very specific. It was a voice note, three minutes Chinese accent. No, no. It was a very specific thing about someone. It was very funny. It wasn't an offensive thing, but it was very funny in a specific way. Very funny in a way that I cannot possibly share publicly.

Not offensive at all. No, no, no. But he has that when it comes to podcasts. Not offensive at all. No, no, no. But he has that when it comes to podcasts. And I say this to his face. I'm saying it now. He doesn't listen. But he's like,

I think like, the podcast is a weird world of comedy. There was a time where comedians just had to be funny on their stage skit. And then they could be funny at the private parties with their friends.

Now there's this weird world of like, can you be funny on a podcast? How much can you reveal? And like, I just, I, I'll get him back on

and I'll get it out of him. We'll get him drunk. Yeah. That's part of the key. Yeah. Part of what I'm doing with Russell. Also,

we'll just tell him it's Patreon so no one, you know, barely, you know. More and more. We're going to get there. Maybe a couple hundred people.

We have some people. Speaking about Chris, I was like... What did he do to you? Nothing. He's so sweet. I hung out with him in Montreal. There was this

wrap party at the end of the week which you left at that time. To start off the night, I didn't tell you this story yet, but to start off the night, I got there with some coworkers and then John Marco was there with Tova. And John Marco, myself, and my coworkers, somebody was like, let's do a shot. And I was like, okay, sure. For context, I usually do not do shots.

That is my absolute... When people suggest shots... Grow up. Grow up. Because I'm like, listen, I can get really fucking drunk. Let's just do it on a nice drink. Why are we doing shots? It just feels like this thing there. Why do we's just do it on a nice drink. Why are we doing shots? It just feels like this thing there.

Why do we have to do it that fast? Yes. I like a shot. I'm going to come out on the shot side. I sometimes like- Manufactured, just like, have a nice drink. Have a couple nice drinks. Have a few nice drinks.

But it just feels so- Listen, it's fine. I will always say yes, because you don't want to be the party pooper. Exactly. You nice drinks. Have a few nice drinks. But it just feels so, listen, it's fine. I will always say yes because you don't want to be the party pooper. Exactly. You don't want to say no. But I've gotten so that I will sometimes, if I'm in a bar, I'll take the shot. But if I'm in a house, I'm in a house at a house party and someone's trying to give me a shot, I dump that out. Yeah.

I'm not drinking that. Yeah. That makes sense. I'm an adult. I do not have to take a shot in a house. But context is important, right? Because this was JFL. This was like a celebration

moment for everyone. No, no, no. You gotta do it. Yeah, exactly. So usually I would try to opt out and just be like, no, I don't do shots. But this felt like an important moment where everybody was there. And so we all did a tequila shot. And then that was the start of my night.

And then there was an open bar. So then I was talking to Chris. What a sweetheart. And then I was just kind of hopping around, talking to other people, networking ill. Sure. And at certain points in the night, people would be like, like i'm gonna go

grab another drink like do you want to get one with me i'm like sure so then i'd like go with them there and then like i don't know maybe four or five drinks later i'm like at this after party the party like after party thing um chris was there i talked to him for a little bit and he said something very nice about you. What did he say? I'll just keep with me because I think it's very sweet. That's very nice. Oh, I want to know so bad.

But, like, I did not get back to my hotel until, like, 4.30 a.m., which is a crazy thing to do with your coworkers. I know. That you've been working with for two weeks. Yeah. Literally two weeks. Yeah. Literally two weeks. Yeah. But anyways, um,

the next day I was on my way to the airport cause I was like leaving that afternoon. Yeah. Um, to come back here and I actually, so like the whole morning I was just super hungover. Like I felt like death and I literally literally the only thing i was doing i was originally was planning to like sightsee around montreal just to you know enjoy my time yeah yeah

but i ended up just like getting a smoothie and then like sitting outside in a park because i was just trying to get some fresh air and so just a complete waste of the day. And I end up, you know, going back to the airport. And on the way there in the Uber, I felt so nauseous. Sure. That I was about to ask the driver to, like, stop and, like, pull over so I can throw up. Oh, my God. But I held on and I made it to the airport, immediately ran to the bathroom. You held in a barf? You got through security?

No, no, no, no. I didn't go through security yet. But booked it to the bathroom, got so sick, and eventually came out fine. But then my flight ends up getting canceled so then and there it was funny because like there were other comics at jfl that like also got canceled if i got canceled um but i had to stay in montreal for an extra night so it was this whole thing and like um the next The next day I wake up and then my eyes are just red, like bloodshot red. I threw up so hard that I burst three blood vessels in my eyes. And it was because of the shot that we did.

I thought the end of the story was Chris gave you pink eye. Let me, one time, I have a story about throwing up the next morning. Let me, one time, I have a story about throwing up the next morning. I went, one of the first times I went to Nicole's dad's place in Florida for like a New Year's Eve party. Where in Florida again? He lives in Fort Lauderdale. It's like right north of Miami. But great house, great party house. It's like a great, like, it's a very good entertaining house.

So it was a new year's eve party and you know it's like there's just everything's that they're serving all sorts of drinks there's shots there's champagne you know blah blah so i was pretty drunk and hung over and the next morning we had to get up early on new year's day to drive to see nicole's grandma oh god i don't like this i i wake up it's fine it's fine but i'm like i'm like i'm like you're cool to drive right nicole because i was like i'm either still drunk or it's bad you know it's like yeah you're like i can't this is i can't do it yeah she's like sure sure sure so we're like saying goodbye to her dad in the driveway and i was like this is this is rough stuff.

This is. And I was like, you know what? It's fine. Let's just like say goodbye to him. You know. So we get in the car. We start driving down his street. We just get outside of the view of the street.

And I said, pull the car over. And I just outside of just where he could barely see. He could not see anymore. Just around the corner. I threw up so hard. So viscerally. In a very nice neighborhood. A very nice neighborhood. And let me tell you, it was so

it happened so fast. I didn't have time to move things. I threw up all over my open toes. My flip flops. I threw up all over my open toes my flip-flops i threw up all over my own feet i threw up all over my own feet and then i was like what do we do so i wiped my feet in the grass in florida and i like was like should i just leave these flip-flops here in this person's yard because it was that bad and i thinking about right now i could throw up right now but i i want to say these two people talking about how childish shots were i have not thrown up from alcohol since i was fucking 18 years old because i learned the amount that makes you sick that was like the start

of my night though and i i know this is true because like the like let the record show every single time that i've taken a tequila shot it has not ended well sure it has really just ruined my entire like life yes my entire life tequila you're so small yeah you're small and and women because uh higher uh water density watch it watch it What are you going to say about women? Higher water density I remember in high school A shot does more to you Than it does to

I'm a six foot four Guy So a shot for you That's a sledgehammer So I get that But I think it's particularly tequila though Really? Yeah. It really is different?

I always feel like I don't believe, like, tequila makes me act like a real bitch. Let me tell you a story I heard today. Nothing to do with any of this. But it's a story I feel like should be told on this podcast. And also, it might not be true, but I think it's crazy. Sure. I heard that,

like, oh, God. I should have Googled this before I think it's crazy. I heard that, like, oh, God. I should have Googled this before I started telling this story. I heard that someone was telling me this story about, like, in olden times. It was, like, common for, like, people. Came up for YouTube to flag this as misinformation. This is so dumb. I can't believe I'm telling this. I'm drunk.

So in olden times, people would gather to watch things that you would just never think about watching. You know, like that John Mulaney bit where people would go to see a boat take off, that kind of thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The crowds would be big for all sorts of things. So the specific story, and I was told this was covered on a pot on another podcast but it was i was told that there was like in olden times which can cover many many hundreds of years in olden times there was a woman that had boobs that were so big that like when she would just go to work it started off with a few men being like, holy moly, that woman has big boobs. She's going to work.

And that, they noticed that she would go to work at the same time every day. So this group of men was like, holy moly, look at that woman with huge gazoongas going to work. Yeah, back in the olden times. Back in the olden times, yeah. So that crowd of men

grew from like seven men to 20,000. 20,000. 20,000. There's no way. I don't know if that's true. There's no way. But it was a huge crowd of men that just like oogled this woman.

And I just thought that that was so horrible. It's like. It's bad. It's a bad thing. But I was also like, if that woman was going to work every day. And 20,000 men. You don't think she'd be on the way to work? You don't think she'd be on the way to work?

She'd see these crowds and go, oh, I know a way I can make way more money than working at the seamstress shop. I think I found a new profession. I just think about like, I thought it was funny in my head when I heard that story. I was like, there's no way that woman kind of was playing into it a little bit. She had to be like, 20,000 men. But listen, you should play. I think I got the wrong information. It couldn't have, 20,000 men. But listen. You should play. I think I got the wrong information. It couldn't have been 20,000 men.

Well, in a way, if you look at Pornhub or whatever, on the view count, it's always like a million. And so back then, before they had that, they just would watch them walk to work. Amateur seamstress walks to work on a tuesday that is 20 000 views but they must have been good i talked to tova about before the internet like what meant to go viral like in a way it was more beautiful back then and not just talking about the tits specifically. But I was thinking, like, to go viral meant...

I remember South Park. You know... Stupid question. Of course. Okay, wait. Okay, but here's where you're young. Do you know how South Park, the origin of South Park,

for South Park, what it was? No, I actually don't. No. There was a VHS. Do you know what that is? Yes. A VHS. He does this all the time, and it, like, it's kind of patronizing? Yes. A VHS. He does this all the time, and it's kind of patronizing.

A VHS was like a plastic box. A VHS, it was a video. You'll remember when I say it. South Park style of the paper cutouts or whatever of Santa in a wrestling match with Jesus. And God was the ref, I think. And it was like a thing that they made. And it went viral in the sense that people made copies of the VHS tape. And I remember my sister's mom, my former stepmom,

before she got into Christ. Actually, I think her mom listened to this. You guys have been so supportive and wonderful. It's very nice to have you a part of my life. But when she was, whenever she dated my dad, she, like, she was the one who introduced me to the South Park, which is so funny. And she was the one who introduced me to South Park, which is so funny. It's just so funny that she introduced me. But she somehow was in the vein of the popular culture, the cool culture, that she had a VHS of this match.

That's amazing. Or she told me about it. And that's how things went viral back in the day. And it's way more impressive than now. Yeah. Now it's just like Zuckerberg. People making copies of tapes and like, yeah. Like, I do think of... Back then you said, hey, this big pair of tits.

We got to gather tomorrow morning. 20,000 people. I can't wait to look up this story and send it to you. Because it really was just passed on to me today. And I thought it was... I thought, you know, I'm going to share this with everyone I know without looking it up for the fact.

There's no way that if it's, guess what era, like when you say olden times, like. Oh, I mean, she had to have been a woman that could work. So it has to be like the 20s or 30s or 40s. You know what I mean? Oh, you think it was not that long ago? No, it can't be. Oh, when you said it, I thought it'd be like.

We're not like talking about like... We're not talking about like... We're not talking about like Pompeii. No, we're talking about like a woman going to, I'm sure, a secretary job. Okay, well, I'm trying to look this up right now, but I don't know what to type into Google without porn coming up. Okay, what's the best thing to search? Okay, what is the best way to search it? Yeah, it was like big woman with... Man oogling. Woman with big tits. Oh, there's no way to search it? Yeah, it was like big woman with big tits. Man oogling.

Woman with big tits. There's no way to do it. Okay, we have to figure out the search that finds what we want, but has no porn in the first page. There are 100% people who are on the first page. Historical. That's the first word. is the first word. Historical incident where men

gathered to ogle big-breasted employed female. Search that. Search that. Who told you this information? I will not reveal my sources.

But it was in reference to the story. People used to gather for things more. I'm going to guess whoever it was can be found in the playbill of Gutenberg. I'll tell you that right now. No, no, no. Was it a random guy in the street? Yeah, it was a random guy.

Was it the guy outside my door asking for money? Saying, hey, here's a story. All right, Paige is looking this up. There's nothing. But I think it was on another podcast. They were talking about it as it was on another podcast. What podcast are you listening to? No, no.

No way on Las Cultas Reistas were they talking about this one. No, no, no. I'm saying the person was... Las Cultas Releases were they talking about this one. No, no, no. I'm saying like the person was... Las Cultas Releases. I can see. The person was telling me that they heard about it on another podcast.

So it's like... This is a hilarious game of telephone right now. Very removed. It goes all the way back to the first episode of Come Down way back in the...

Yeah. By the way, just so everyone knows, this podcast is doing great. We, twice now, some PR people have been reaching out, going like, can we get our client on the downside? And we're like, are you kidding? Yeah. Please.

Should we do some This Has Got Stops? Yeah, let's do some This Has Got Stops. We've got to be at that kind of point. By the way, again, for the Patreon. I got some before you. Oh, yeah. Go ahead. Sorry. For the Patreon, join the Patreon, patreon, for the Patreon. I got some before you. Oh, yeah. Go ahead. Sorry.

For the Patreon, join the Patreon. Patreon.com slash downside. You're going to get one of these bonus every month. Yeah. Every month. Sundays will be high. No, no, no, no, no. You get higher than these.

Oh, by the way, the other day, I mentioned this on the last podcast, but Tova gave me an edible and she said, it's 10. We'll split it. We'll each have five. Five is what I like for a fun, a chill night. And it turns out that it was a 50. And I remember just being like at night, because I wanted to take an Ambien that night, because I had this taping coming up. And then I was like, I'm still really stoned.

I don't feel comfortable taking an Ambien. 50 is crazy. And listen, Tova's math is not great. Not great at math. Good luck to her clients. Check those paychecks. Okay. Tova texted me the salmon was bad.

What do you mean bad? We had salmon. She was going to make dinner. Oh. Summer. Okay, can I tell you? This has got to stop. Don't sound sad about it.

It's going to be a good one. Again, I'm going to give you this note again. I'm going to go, this has got to stop. Then say the thing. Ready? This has got to stop people taking pictures in oversized chairs. Guys, enough. We get it. It's funny. It, enough. We get it. It's funny.

It's cute. You're a tiny little human in a big chair. Wow, isn't that crazy that a chair that big exists? We've seen it for 20 years now. It's definitely an invention in the 90s. Enough. Enough. It's not fun.

I don't want to see it. Don't put your kids in that or chair i just think that we've all seen a normal size human in a giant chair and i don't need to see one more goddamn version of it okay make a mean joke yeah are you jealous because when you sit in it, it looks like a great-sized chair. No, I just think that I think, here's what I think. I get angry because I've gone to plenty of places with oversized chairs. I've gone to plenty of places with oversized chairs, and I always think to myself, I always think, I've seen so many photos of this already. In god's green earth did i have

to get up there and tell someone to take my photo in it why we've all seen it it's not like i don't understand i don't understand it because people regular people don't get to go on a broadway stage and get to be loved. This is the same thing Alex Brightman said. I said it on the podcast where I challenged him. I said, regular people don't get moments where they get to feel like, look at what I'm doing.

You do it for a living. So let the fucking person who no one will ever applaud them. The last applause they ever got was when they graduated, and that was it. No one will ever applaud them. The last applause they ever got was when they graduated and that was it. No one will ever applaud them again. I'll applaud them when they do something goddamn original for once in their goddamn lives. Let me tell you that much. Because listen, it's just like

no, everyone sat in that goddamn chair so there's nothing special about it. Go figure out any other photo that is something that's not... It just doesn't... I'm actually more mad about it than... You could take a photo in front of any sort of historical thing.

That's fine. Or something about the giant chairs. What's better? Okay. Would you rather have giant chair or Leaning Tower of Pisa holding it up? Oh, God damn. Which bothers you more? I think they're both in the same category.

Leaning Tower feels fun. I did it when I was in Europe in 2011. I think Leaning Tower is fun because depending on your facial expression, it could be a little bit personalized. What are you doing? How are you making that funny? You're kind of like... It's like there's a sexual thing

to it. Sure, sure. Like you're holding, you know. But I think I just hate that big chair thing. I hate it. Well, the thing about the chair is that. Because there's nothing. They're not being like, there's no sort of acting. It's just them sitting there.

It's usually kids. They put their kids in that big chair. I just don't like it. I can't see one more photo of it. That's a good This Has Got to Stop. Also, the chair is not a historical monument. Also, this is not about anyone that just posted this. We got to track it down.

We got to track it down. Who is this person? Paige, do you have a This Has Got to Stop? There are a bunch of This Has Got Gotta Stops from our followers on Instagram. Yeah, let's do those. The Downside Pod on Instagram. And by the way, if you join the Patreon, we are going to start in these Patreon episodes,

we're going to address your This Has Gotta Stops. Write us at the Downside Pod on Instagram or on Patreon. Just message us. Paige is keeping track. And these episodes is where we will break it down. So lay it on us, Paige. Should I do a Patreon?

Oh, you sent it to us. Yeah. Oh my God, wow. Okay, I'm pulling it up. You say it, you say it. We'll... Okay, well, Will L.

from our patron... He's a patron. We love you, Will. Our patron. Medical co-pays. I got a new job and with it a new insurance plan.

I've been on... I've been on a med for over a year, a prescription for over a year, that I have never had to pay a cent for before, but suddenly my new insurance says it costs $7,200 a month, but they'll cover almost all of it. I just have a $100 co-pay. Why can't they cover all of it? They clearly have the money if they can spot $7,200, and that's per month.

I already give them money every paycheck, so give me a fucking break. I see. It's like a rich person being like, I'll cover, oh, it costs $8,050. I'll cover $8,000, but you have to do $50. It's a little bit like you have to hurt a little, too. Yeah.

This has got to stop the U.S. healthcare system. It's a nightmare. Listen, Tova with this stuff... We call... She calls the place because we were going to go in for them to show us how to give the shot.

Yeah. You know, the shot was this is the whole week. It was my set and the shot. That was all that mattered this week. And it was in that order. And we call. And, like, the guy working the front desk, I mean, I've had Starbucks baristas that felt more in control of what they're doing than this guy. He's like, I don't know.

And I'm like, are you out of your mind? What is this? Can I tell you something? This just stays between us and our patrons. It's the energy of an MTA worker. The apathy I've never seen. I've never seen a profession where there is that much apathy. Every once in a while, you get an MTA worker when they're making the announcements that you're like, whoa, whoa, whoa.

You are a star, sir or ma'am. Like where they're like, they're like, they're like, really? But like you see those, you see them down there and they, the apathy. And so I know what you're saying. Definitely. Like, it's just this thing where you're like, why? We've all had jobs that we hate, that we don't like. And you just have to, I don't know.

Well, this is a struggle. Obviously, this guy is probably being paid very poorly. Yes. And so there's this thing as you get older, you go, none of society is working. I don't understand what they say. Infrastructure is not working. Well, MTA, they are paid well. That's what makes me mad about it.

They get decently paid. They have pensions. So I'm really like, I get it. It sucks. But you have to act a little bit. I have to act that I like things. I'm just like, you get a pension. Fuck off.

You can't just be like, I hate the fucking MTA. Oh, God. Because you have to pretend that, you know. Yeah. So we agree with you, buddy. We agree with you, Will. I'm so sorry. This is insane.

It's salty. You know, I just want, no matter what the copay gets, I do think continuing to be a patron and paying $5 a month is worth it. Laughter is the best medicine. And keep subscribed. We got another. We got one more. We got another Discussed app from Cindy S.

Cindy S. Corporate. Oh, I didn't. I'll tell you after this. Corporate nice phrasing. Yes. Just tell me what the fuck you want. Yeah.

I feel like you probably know this better from your job than me. And me. But not really. I feel like the kind of corporate thing I'm in, it's so small and I've worked with them for so long that it's pretty like. But I know that you might know more than me. Yeah. like but i know that like you might know more than me yeah i used to work at a startup and that was very much called like you know corporate culture like yeah you have to be like the utmost professional okay so i can see what you're you know like that kind of like yeah

like when we're like trying to like like when we're trying to like give notes on the sketches you're like okay what i think is really great is that and you're like and you're like trying to focus on any sort of positive yeah you're like being like it didn't make me laugh once yeah well like so my first job out of college was working in comedy so like having or not having but like getting to work with people who are just you you know, shooting the shit all the time and then going to something very corporate and especially working at an art gallery after that. It was just like three years of as buttoned up as you could be and not saying the wrong thing and not joking around and not having any fun at all. And every day is just a fucking nightmare because you have to send so many emails that are like apart from my last email circling back

the one that I have to do so much hey just bump in this what I want to say is hey I cannot sleep at night because you have not fucking told me what the situation is was the footage from the show deleted?

Does it exist? Am I ever going to get it? That's taking it to a- It's a joke about Biden being president. Do you think I'll get it before Trump is president again? Oh my God. Give me the fucking footage. I, oh, it's tough.

Paige and I, Paige and I have this because Paige Paige you see see it on all these things yeah and sometimes thank God I we have a

we have a double team where I go I say I sent the first email or Paige sent the first email and then the the other one of us gets to go like

hey just checking in on this and it's a way we get to bump it three times me then Paige then me bumping yeah it's a it's a three nobody's the bad it three times. Me, then Paige, then me bumping.

Nobody's the bad guy here. You should add me to all of them. Hey, Russell just coming in here. When is Jamar going to get the stand-up footage from that show three weeks ago? It's a fucking nightmare. But I don't know. I hate my email voice. It is.

I loathe it. I am trying so hard to use Lex! Oh, my God. When I write. It's a permanent, permanent. Hey. How are you? I'm like, I'm an artist.

I'm a comedian. Hope you're doing well. Hope you're in your family. Hope you're doing well. Hope you're doing well. Hope. Why are we saying hope you're doing well? You have to're doing well. Hope you're doing well. Why are we saying you're doing well? You have to say it, and I don't know why. You know how disgusting it is?

Sometimes I go, it starts with, I use the word good and great, and I'm like, I have to, I can't use, I hope you're having a good week. Yeah. Have a great weekend. And I'm like, my variety. What can you say? What can you say? Like, we talked, like, thinking of your shirt, your pink shirt I saw you in once. Like, what do you say? What can you say? We talked about thinking of your shirt,

your pink shirt, I saw you in once. What do you say? You're just like, if you don't send the avails for when you can come to co-host the podcast, Russell, I'm going to put a gun in my mouth

and shoot myself a... No, you don't talk to me that way. Wait, I'm trying to pull a picture for you. Hold on. Sorry, unrelated. It's like when I have to send a cancellation email to a podcast guest, I have to play the bad guy where I'm like,

Hey, hope your week's going well. Oh, yeah. Sorry that I have to do this, but John Mark was unavailable. It sucks so much. And we don't cancel willy-nilly. No. No. We cancel because someone didn't tell me that the streaming thing I'm filming for had a photo shoot on a Monday.

Who did not tell you that? Me? No. Yeah, that's your job. Yeah. That's your job, Russell. But it happens, and it feels so shitty. It feels so shitty.

Yeah. But, but the problem is I'm like, it's going to happen more. Yeah. It's going to happen more. Which makes me super excited. Yeah.

Yeah. Um, do we have any, did anyone write the Instagram? I think some people wrote the Instagram, right? That, that was the, the patron wrote the Instagram,

but do you want me to pull it more? Uh, yeah. Cause I think that someone wrote the Instagram. What did they write? They submitted to your story, the story that you posted. Yeah. It's this thing about yoga, I think. Yes. That was a good one. Okay, wait. I have a story

about a Debbie Downsider. Go. Okay, there were two of them. about a Debbie Downsider. Go. Okay. There were two of them. And I'm looking at their Instagram posts. Or Instagram handle. Maria Matthew Sanderson.

They came to my last ever show at Titanic. So did I. So did Paige. Paige was there too. And they were so sweet. They came from Baltimore, I think. Wow. I. So did Paige. Paige was there too. And they were so sweet. They came from Baltimore,

I think. Wow. I came from Greenpoint. They drove from Baltimore. And, but it was, it was like, they're like,

when I met them, they were like, I was confused where they're from. Maybe they drove from Baltimore. Maybe they drove from Michigan. One of the way. Because they were,

because I was, they were like, we're from Maryland where Joe Marco lives or of the way. Because they were like, we're from Maryland where Joe Marco lives. Or grew up. But then they were like, but then something about Michigan. So I'm sorry if they're listening to this. Anyways, they were so

sweet that they came. So nice. And then I said, can we get a photo? And then neither of them offered to get out their cameras. So I took a photo on my thing, on my phone, of the two of them at my show. Because I was excited. I was like, they drove a long way to see my last show.

It's very sweet. That's a long way. Very nice. And so I took a photo of the two of them. And also what was really cute is that they mentioned you, obviously. And I was like, well, he's not here. He didn't come. But I was like, his girlfriend Tova is here.

And I go, no, I said his girlfriend's here. And they both in unison go, Tova? And then so I introduced her to them. And this is them. Oh, that's so nice. Very sweet. It was very sweet. That's sweet. I have a nice San Francisco.

A lot of Debbie Downsiders there. Yeah. Great. It was very cool. I don't think it was San Francisco. I think it was Atlanta. Someone came up and said, my dog died this year. We had to put it down.

And I think your Hennessy song was very funny. I think it was very funny. And I was like, no, and the day of, you made me feel like I had made a real error in our friendship. I don't think so. Oh, for sure.

I thought you were going to go, You know what? Okay, well, go have a baby and then I'll fucking kill it. And then we'll make a deal together. Can you imagine if my son died, and you came and you said, Sorry, your baby, sorry, your baby, sorry, your baby died. That's to the tune of hello my baby except it's sorry your baby died you know when you phrase it like that yeah it was not a nice thing that i did no but i barely knew that dog i only had a couple years it's fine um no no i loved it i loved all my dogs i but they're all gonna die and I know that

that's what you sign up for you know they're all gonna die it's a good reminder that we all die and watching them die faster is it's just something to remind you better you than me better them than me yeah alright those are so listen

start submitting more this has gotta stop because we're gonna do them on the Patreon this patreon is going to blow up i'm excited wait i i want to do my this has got to stop and then we'll move to our blessing uh i got so many here i'm just going to see what is our oh i'll tell you one oh yeah i'll tell you one so i i do in these shows okay tova said who said the salmon went bad, she said, I have something up my sleeve. Don't worry. Thank you, baby.

I appreciate that. You're my blessing. God, I get dinner. There's a thing. I got to be so bad. I got to be so bad, too. There's something. I shouldn't say this.

There's something when your girlfriend or your wife makes dinner, and you go like, She only makes dinner. You're like, we've got to bring the patriarchy back 100%. This is the greatest thing. I know. Can I tell you this?

Can I tell you this? There is something about a good meal that makes you not a feminist anymore. I know. Listen, Nicole does a lot of the cooking. Much, much of it. Sure, sure. But, like, there's something about now that I have more real jobs, really, where it's more real job or more real income where you feel like I used to feel like, I used to feel like really bad because I was like, I should be doing all of this.

Like, I should be doing all of this always. Does it make sense? And now you're like, I watched Josh Gad for eight hours today. You have to make dinner. Oshkod for eight hours today. You have to make dinner. No, but the thing is, also, Nicole is telling me this funny story.

She's like, do you remember when I visited you? I was doing some theater job out of town. Do you remember when I visited you and you were like, I'm going to cook for you? And she goes,

and it took three hours. I was like, I'm going to cook for you. She just sat on my couch while i cooked for her for three hours and let me tell you this is one of those meals that if it was in a book or a thing it would be like how to make a meal in 33 minutes because it was not a meal that should take three hours to make but she was just sitting there and i was like i was like trying to make this meal like and so it's just like i i want to get better at it i do want to get better at it because i do feel like it it

sucks to be the person that has to do it but also she's a lot better at it than me and i'm very thankful because she's very good at it and it tastes good and it won't taste as good if i do it but i gotta be better at it because listen we listen, we have to be better about it. I'm being serious. Yeah, you can't cook either, right? We have to be better about it. Famously. I continue with my bad life philosophy.

Because my thing would just be like, let's buy it. Well, that's what I was going to say. That is not. That's what we do with the shots. Let's just buy it. That's what we do with the shots. Ultimately, we've been talking,

me and Tova, she helps me immensely. She's my muse. And I think there's a degree of like, if I'm not getting married anytime soon, part of it's like, she talks about like, you know,

she calls them push presents. Some term, another TikTok, another TikTok term about how I'm supposed to be better and we are but I'm saying

I literally, I was leaving the stage for this taping for this cool streaming service and she doesn't know that they're taping me as I'm going to leave the stage and this is during tech, and I get off the stage and she's literally on the phone with her doctor about the fuck the shots.

Like, this is how these two things were so poorly timed together. And I'm getting off the stage as the cameraman is following me, and she's like, so they said the nurse is 150 a day, 200 for weekends. And I go, do it.

It's on me. And that was my... Oh, my God. That that's gonna be on oh my god yeah yeah yeah use that use that oh almost almost and i did it and i did it and i did it oh wow use that lifetime tv use that lifetime use that lifetime tv they're getting into stand-up. Big set. Second Don't Tell set coming out soon. Do you think Kyle would do an episode of The Downside? Sure. He'll be here next month. Kyle, your boyfriend? No, my boss. What's your boyfriend's name? Max.

Would Max do it? Oh my god, now that's so crazy because you've said Max so many times. I don't know why. Would Max talk about... Max is a fashion uh no yeah uh yeah fashion god please don't show his ego like that that's enough yeah guys does he got an ego he's got an ego no i don't think so it's funny you travel the world me do comedy and then went to france once literally literally like that that's it you're dating a fashion icon you you go to paris you're filming sets i'm on broadway we're living

very exciting lives right now this is exciting and i'm so happy to be here yeah yeah would would he be a good guest or would he like not want to share like kyle or max max would he not want to share like... Kyle or Max? Max. Would he not want to share when he got 10,000 shirts and they misspelled basket case? Oh, no. He talks about that stuff all the time. I'd love to have him as a guest. Let him know next time he's here.

The problem is that he'll tell me like two days before he's coming, and I like don't. When are you moving? Don't move. When are you moving to where? We'll talk about this later. I don't want you to move.

Wait, you're going to move? Eventually. To where? California. Oh, why? Oh, you're from there. Yeah, and that's where he is. Tell him to come here.

New York. California don't give a fuck about the fashion. In New York. There he goes. There he goes. The jungle wet dreams are made of. People, I mean, long-time listeners will know, but like Russell's amount of like singing casually in conversation

has increased a trillion fold. I can already tell. Since the last time I saw him. You've never done, what you just did just now, you've never done before. No. I would do it. You've never.

No. Well, two things are happening. One, music's part of my life. I'm on Broadway now. Two, I am drunk right now. Sure. And I am, I, I. There was such a great video of you.

You were at a party that I somehow wasn't invited to, but Douglas and you were there. Interesting. And you're on the couch, and you're singing, like, some, like. Oh, yeah. What are you singing? Like, That King Cole? No, no, no. What are you saying like that king cole no no no we're singing like a new year's and it's like it's very cool it's very much it's you like like at your

sexiest yeah it's you just like on a couch you're chill you're singing with like a low voice everyone and like yeah and uh uh it's very hot oh my god uh uh my this has got to stop i did a show listen how do you still have this guy's this is gonna be a little bit of an ego no i gotta get this off my chest fuck man this is gonna be this is this is me being honest even if it doesn't make me look good if i'm fucking headlining a weekend somewhere two things let's get this out of the way if you post about an instagram and you're on the show i'm not closing the show i'm headlining the show i'm the reason there's fucking people in the fucking seats number one wait wait before you make yourself look bad what are you talking talking about? This was further back.

A comic did a guest spot, and their Instagram story was like, Jamarco closing out the show strong. I'm not closing out the show. It's my fucking show. Number one. Number two, if it's a weekend,

and it's at a club that doesn't sell out automatically every weekend, and you're the fucking host, say hello to me when I walk in the green room. Say hello. Jerry Seinfeld. Say hello, Jerry Seinfeld. Because I'm one of the reasons there's people there.

I'm not saying kiss my ass. Say hello. Number three in this headliner rant. If you are a part of the lineup and you were, and this is night two, do not say, Oh, thank God you liked that joke.

Last night's audience sucked. That was my fans that you just said sucked who came out to my show. I love about these things. Maybe it was fucking you who sucked. You're going to say that the audience who came out to see me, they sucked? Fuck you, bitch. These discuss stops are so specific. Yeah, they're so niche.

They're not anything anyone else can relate to. But I get it. I get it. But I'm saying like, I have to pee so bad. I'm going to pee. Go pee, Joel Kim Booster. Go pee in the middle of the podcast episode.

I have something to say about this. So my biggest pet peeve is when, about comedy, is like when comics say like, oh, well, you guys are tense. Like you didn't't laugh at that joke as if it's the audience's fault all the time yeah and it like if you just moved past it nobody would have noticed that that joke bombed but because you like drew attention to it everybody notices it now and that's my like to your point and also like that's gonna win the audience back.

Like, Hey, losers have fun. Right. Russell closed the door. We can see you right now. Jesus. Russell,

stop doing circles. Uh, no, it was really like, I don't, I don't want to listen. Comics, comics say whatever they want to say on stage,

but it was this moment of, I was just like, those are, there's a thing when you headline where it's just like, you know, you're doing fucking a bunch of the work on this. It's like, we worked really hard to get these people there. Yeah. And they're fans. And it's happened multiple times. And I know why comics do it. You feel bad. Something didn't work.

And sometimes it is the audience's fault or sometimes it was just you went early and they weren't ready. But I had another show where the host came back and was like, well, that audience sucks. And I was like, that's the audience that came for me. So hide it. Just fucking hide it.

That's internal dialogue that should not come out of your mouth. That is... Listen, I love my fans. I love the Debbie Downsiders. We're going to do a tour next year. Listen, here's the thing that you guys can do

that helps us is tell your friends about the podcast. Listen, there's a lot of podcasts right now, and we're competing with, oh, cool, Colbert and Jimmy Fallon and John Oliver and three other people with corporate interests are doing a podcast.

That's going to be real revealing. Russell's making sure he gets one more beer for the blessings part of the podcast. Tell your friends. We are a good podcast. I've listened to them podcast. Tell your friends. We are a good podcast. I've listened to them all. We're good. And the more people we have, we will bring Russell on tour.

Let me tell you something. Bloomberg's closing in a week. It's not going to make it a week. And Russell's going to have a lot of time. And I know a lot of people that get that Broadway credit and they think their career is set. And then what are they doing? They're doing cruise ships with Broadway's Russell Daniels. No, no, no, no, no, no. It's going to do great.

It's going to do great. Also, but I am, you know, part of me is like, part of me is it's a bucket list thing to be like, did broadway once and if that's it that's fine but another part of me is like okay well based on titanic could i be the broadway star now i guess i could um but based on titanic do you like do you do you have any fear of like that life you you know how to have fun yeah you know how to have fun i know yeah broadway is kind of antithetical to how i agree i agree to a certain extent that's why i'm like you know i'm feeling it out i i i do think that i could never be someone that like always like i think i would always have a limit of doing a show a year that's it sure you know what I mean? I think I could never be one of those people

that was like, I was in Phantom for 20, because I was like, you just wanted to work in a bank or something. You know what I mean? That kind of thing is like, no offense to them, but you're like, because I can understand the reasoning.

You're like, oh, I'm performing, blah, blah, blah. But you're doing that. I can't. That would be a certain kind of torture. It's weird to be good enough to get to that point, because you've got to be good to fucking make it all the way to Phantom. I can't. That would be a certain kind of torture. It's weird to be good enough to get to that point because you've got to be good to fucking make it

all the way to Phantom. You can sneak into anything. If you're in the original cast and you can just stay in and kind of fly under the radar, no offense. Did you think... Fuck the original cast of Phantom.

That's what I'm saying. Did you think that you'd be on Broadway? or did you like well here's the thing i did not like i really let it i really like when i grew up it was a dream to do that yeah and i really i think i i have a pretty traumatic experience at music school where i did not feel confident at all in my musical abilities and i really like for years i've been telling myself like no you can like carry a tune but you're not like you can't do that you can't you're not in that world that kind of thing so i think it's been

a lovely surprise where you're like oh like oh oh you're in this kind of world now that you never, that not never. I did think I wanted to do that when I was young. Um, so it's been nice. Cause it was like, it was nice. Cause it was something that I did want,

but I had kind of told myself and, and I, and I was surprised and also not desperate for it. Do you know what I mean? Sure. We were like, Oh, like,

but it is nice now because I do think that there's a thing in myself that I'm like very proud and very like, oh, you're going to be on Broadway. That's a nice thing to be like. Even though that's one show you do, you can be like, I was, you know, I was on Broadway once. Russell won, John Mark was zero.

No, but I think what's great about, listen, I was thinking about this today You and I have this lovely thing of like There's been exciting things that have happened a couple of times Where they've timed up At the same time You got this taping and Broadway And when we both did our late night things

Appearances Sure That was crazy Like it's been a nice like little like like timing of like nice things for us where it's like we're both having

like these nice things happen at the same time. So you both can be happy for each other at the same time instead of No, I think we're good about that.

I think we're really good about I'm always I've I'm not I don't feel weird when other people have success. I don't. I when other people have success. I don't.

I really always tell myself, and I believe it. Because I do think I believe in myself. I think I'm very talented. Yes. But whenever a friend of mine has success, I'm like, oh, I would love them to get really successful where they can give me something. Because I would have the goods to back it up is always my thought process. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's nice. And also, you see so many examples, and not even in bad ways, not even in an apathism way, but in a way of you see so many examples of people who do well being like, oh, and I was doing stuff with them when we weren't. Sure.

I feel like it's just that's how it works. See, I vacillate. There's times I feel very... I really have the vacillate. There's times I feel very calm. I really have the vacillation of there's times where I could say to myself, no, I'm talented. And then there's times I'm like, I really do feel that I'm a fraud. Oh, no, of course.

My end of Titanic was rough. It was me being like, you're a hack. You did this, and it was funny, and people liked it, and now they're over it, and they're done with you yeah that's how i felt at the end of it not so much the last show but like the lead up to it i was like your time has come and gone with this thing no one wants you here anymore like you're i felt like I was struggling to be like,

feel like you're going to do the gay parody circuit and then it worked. It just felt like I had, like I had done that thing and, and I was struggling to, to feel like it was still, and it was not, not, was not going to get a hugely different response, but I just felt like I was a hack a bit and like,

sure. And, and, and so I felt sad about that, being like, but, you know, I don't know. You know.

Because she's like, no, I saw the last show. You were a hack. No, no, no. You killed it. There was like some improv in there that was amazing. Well, there was improv. Well, that helped that that guy

came in the costume that I was wearing. You're an improviser now. I'm an improviser. That was amazing. Well, there was improv. Well, that helped that that guy came in the costume that I was wearing. You're an improviser now. I'm an improviser. That was amazing. First and foremost. Let's go on to our next segment. This has got to stop.

This has got to stop. Do you have a This Has Got to Stop? Wait. I'm just kidding. My God. I was like, I'm done. You better count your blessings. You better count

your blessing Paige do you have a blessing? I'm trying to decide I had thought of this like segment before but like I it's truly a half-baked idea and the more that I was trying to

tease it out I was like trying to like fees or like tease it out, I was like, this is not going to happen. So it's kind of like a failure and like a blessing at the same time. Go for it. But okay. So my blessing is Nardwar. I love Nardwar.

Do you know Nardwar? No. Don Marco doesn't. Neither of you know Nardwar. That is crazy to me. Nardwar is the most like prolific music interviewer like and comedy interviewer you sent it to me yes he's canadian he's canadian he's so like the way that he interviews people is so interesting to me and like when we did the

todd berry episode that's what made me like nard war is what made me think of how to like get under todd berry's skin a little bit uh-huh and in just a way of like finding out information that like todd berry hasn't thought about in the past 10 years sure so nard war really goes deep and like finds out all these intricate details about people's lives and i was trying to do that for this podcast about you guys but then i like so i i have two things for you one each but but no it's like when i was getting into it i was like oh i really like i kept thinking about like that whatever that headline was it. It was like, we should know less about each other. Oh, my God. Wait.

Two or two things. Two or things. Two or things. I'm so excited. So, Nardvar's whole thing, if you haven't seen the interview before, he, like, he'll give gifts to people, like, the people he's interviewing, and it'll have some kind of, like, tie. You gotta say gift. I know. Well, that's your birthday gift. That's separate. Oh, my God.

Which is also exciting. Remedy gear blanket before we end this episode. Okay, yeah. So yeah, Nardwar's whole thing is he'll get gifts for the people that he's interviewing and it'll be tied to some intricate detail about their lives. Oh my god. I could do a really hack impersonation of Nardwar right now, which

I'm not... You're going to be good at it because you were good at that Todd Berry thing. It's so bad. No, no, no. Nardware is like the most high-energy person and I'm so low right now. No, Paige.

Okay, she's grabbing something in the bag. All right. Okay, so Nardware... Oh, I'm not even like... No, it's fine. Okay. Oh, my God.

So Nardware usually starts off the interview. It's just like one microphone. The amount of times you've said that name, and I still have no idea what letter it starts with. N. Nardwar. He'll be like, who are you?

And then you'll say. Russell. Joe Marco. Okay. Sometimes there's funnier responses to that. When they have a comedian on. I'm an entertainer. All right.

I don't have an answer like that. You're in understudy. Oh, you cut me to my core. So, Russell, I have a gift for you. I'm so nervous. Can you... Actually, no. I'll just give the gift to you so this is a a mug from omaha's henry dorley zoo yes yes which you know about can you explain to the people why the omaha dorley zoo is important. Yeah. This is crazy. So I worked many years in Omaha, Nebraska,

at the Nebraska Shakespeare. Well, to a couple places. I worked at, I did a tour of the Christmas Carol national tour that was rehearsed in Omaha. And then that led to me working for the Nebraska Shakespeare Festival, which I don't think exists anymore. It doesn't. I looked it up.

Yes, it's a whole thing. But I'm very close with one of the former people who ran that place, Vince. And when I worked there, every year they would do a trip to the Henry Dorley Zoo, which is a good zoo. It's a good zoo. Are you advocating for zoos to exist? I know. You know what?

I do. Listen. Zoos are bad. Zoos should not exist. But if you have to go to a zoo, the Henry Dorley Zoo is a very good zoo. The best prison in America. The reason why I got that mug for you is because if you read the side of it, it felt very fitting for this podcast.

Every second. Every second, another acre of rainforest is destroyed forever. Every second. That fact is more real than that story I told about that woman with the big face. But the fact that somebody would print that on a mug. On a mug for the Henry. People would sell. Wait, so what?

That'll wake you up more than the coffee. You saw a picture on Facebook? Or how did you find this? I won't reveal my sources. Nardwar doesn't. Wow. I love it. That's a deep dive, though.

Because I have not been at the Henry Dorley Zoo for at least five I love it. That's a good dive, though, because I have not been at the Henry Doorly Zoo for at least five to six years. That's a decent amount of time. Yeah. That's wild. My first time there was 2012. I really miss Omaha. I loved Omaha. I was just talking to someone about Omaha.

It's a great little city. Do we have any fans in Omaha? There's a funny bone there. Oh, yeah. There is. Everything revolves around a comedy venue. Truly, though, that's one of those places where I would love to have an excuse to go to. Because there's no reason, no offense to Omaha, there's no reason to go there.

There's no reason for me to fly. It's expensive. Sometimes there's places where it's expensive just to go to a small little city. I'm going to Dubuque, Iowa, and I'm like, $800? Why? It should be... They should pay you. It should be $100. There's a list of cities where you're like,

it should be $100 to fly there directly, and that's it. But I love Omaha. I really do love it. It has really good food, really good drink. Really small little city. It's really beautiful, and I miss it. I really do love it. It has really good food, really good drink, really small little city. It's really beautiful. And I miss it. Thank you.

This is so nice. And this is perfect, this little thing. I know. It's a reminder of – it's probably worse now. Red-eyed tree frog. That statistic is probably worse now. Yeah. There's no more rainforests left.

Oh, ouch. Why is that bad? Because they're good. Why are we scared of China? We've been raised to think we're scared of China and Russia. Because every country wants to be the most

powerful one. Yeah, that's all. We already lost. We lost. Well, John Marco, I have a gift for you.

So, we were talking about this earlier, but famously, you went viral a couple years ago for your bad cooking skills. Oh my God. So we were talking about this earlier, but famously you went viral a couple years ago for your bad cooking skills. Oh my god. So I got you

a 1975 edition of Kitchen Privileges, a Georgetown Day School cookbook. Wow. Which is where you went to school. That's where I went to high school. Wow.

It has a bunch of recipes. That's so crazy. Wow. And I've bookmarked a three-course meal for you to tentatively make. And if you'll read the title. Gladys Stern. Yes. So, okay, wait.

Gladys Stern. Apparently, I was looking. These are all recipes by Gladys. Gladys Stern, apparently, I was looking. These are all recipes by Gladys. I guess she ran the school for 21 years, I think. And by the time she stepped down in 1996 at the age of 78, she was described by the Washington Post as the Doyenne of private school directors in the Washington area.

Wow. So Miss Gladys Stern is... My high school was a great high school. It was the first, I believe it was the first integrated high school in America. Yes, I was thinking about that too. And I feel like I must have, I feel like Gladys was alive when I was there. We fought against that. She lived until... I fought against that.

She lived until 104 years old. Wow. Can you read the titles? You have an appetizer. Gladys Stern. Read the title of the recipe. Horseradish and Cheese Ring Mold.

Perfect. For your main course, I have Beef Tongue with Raisin Sauce. Perfect And then for your main course you have We're big in your family I have beef tongue with raisin sauce Delicious Yum And then for your dessert you have Cornbread dressing

Sweet noodle pudding Yum yum yum And we have a surprise for you Paige Oh my god Behind that door Paige's sixth grade boyfriend come out okay wait no that's actually so funny they bring that up because i went to my friend's engagement party like a week ago and it ended up being like a middle school reunion in a way a mini mini middle school reunion and my boyfriend for like literally two seconds

from middle school was there and he is super gay now. Wow. I already knew that but it was like I hadn't seen him since like high school and he ended up being

like my high school bully and it Oh my god he was your high school bully. Yeah. One of them. Sorry. Did he apologize?

No, of course not. Can I tell you something? Of course not. Can you imagine bullying Paige? There's people I can imagine bullying. You're not one of them. Okay, so when we had Lucas Zelnick on the podcast, I kept thinking about it.

I was so ready to just dive in and be like, I hear you. This is my high school bully situation, which I'm ready to talk about now. His name was Michael. There were 10 Michaels at this high school. This Michael, in particular, would come every day

to my honors biology class, and he would call me the Japanese slur word every single day. I had to just... The one like Jewish American Princess? I've never heard of that, but... They call...

If you're calling a Jewish American Princess, I'm using it in this context only. You would call a Long Island gal a Jap. Yes. But that's what he'd say in the bad way. Okay, can I... I have a sidebar story about that. I did not know Jewish American Princess

was a phrase that people used for that. So one time I was set up on like a blind date sort of thing in New York City. And I was at this bar with mutual friends for it. And she kept saying that phrase. Oh, my God. Meaning Jewish American princess. Oh, no. Oh, my God.

And being like, she's your typical that. And I was interpreting it as I was like you're like a girl of my dreams no I was like no but I never talked to her again because I thought she was racist oh my god that's so funny

and then I was telling the story like three months later and I was telling someone and they were like wait the person that she was referencing is is like a very wealthy person on the long island princess there was a show I mean I didn't know I didn't know like the way you throwing that out there I thought she meant I thought she meant the Japanese slur and I was like I was like no no no no no so I never I was like I was like this woman's crazy racist.

So I didn't talk to her again because I thought she was crazy and racist. Russell Daniels holding it out for the Japanese people. But was she like living, who was like,

you know, typical Jap, always celebrating Passover and like crazy. That is the funny thing. It had nothing to do with it. It was like, what are these stereotypes?

It was about being like spoiled and like, and like entitled. And I was like, I was like, I don't know. I don't get these references, but she's racist. I was like I don't know I don't get these references but she's racist I was like it was like she mentioned Long Island too

I didn't know that that was a thing in Long Island there's a lot of Japanese people I really was like I don't know what she's talking about but anyways so that's crazy he choked to your biology class he was in my biology class and he would every day make a point to say that to me. Like, hey, what's up, J-word?

Is it bad that I've said it, saying it? No, no. We're playing a real tango here. No, no, no. I mean, I don't feel comfortable saying it because I'm like, I don't want to perpetuate that for my... But Jews, we literally say that word. That's crazy. I didn't know that.

Oh, yeah. I hope you're okay that I said it just now. But like, that's really what they... It's crazy because it's context. It's the same thing. And so it's the same word. Or the same, you know, it's the same sounding. But I said it in my head. I was only saying Jewish.

I was thinking Jews. But if you're coming up to me, a Japanese person, and saying that specifically towards me. He did not mean that. He did not mean that. No. He didn't know the existence of Jewish American Prince. That's crazy. Yeah.

That's crazy. Did you tell anyone that? No, because it was a high school. She called him the F word back and said, and that's, honestly, she was the one. Oh, man. No, because it was a high school. She called him the F word back and said, and that's, honestly, she was the one. No, it was a high school where it's like, if you told anything negative about white people to the counselors, it wouldn't matter. It's all just like, oh, well, they're fine.

Their dad's the police chief of this city, so they get a pass. Everybody got a pass except like just let john marco be john marco you know his dad pays for the his dad pays for the football that's the other funny thing that i found out about when i was doing this research that like made me stop doing this whole nard war bit was because i found out how much John Marco's school costs, tuition costs. Oh, my God. At least in 2023.

And I was like, all right, I know too much. Inflation, inflation. I know too much. You can say it off mic. You can say it. I think, like, now it's, like, $25,000 a year. Oh, actually, that's not that much. That's reasonable.

That's fucking crazy. No, no, for school. For a high school? I went to public school. That's reasonable. That's fucking crazy. No, no. For school? For a high school? I went to public school. That's crazy. But I do, like in New York. Obama almost sent his kids there.

Was that the GDS? Was that the GDS or Sidwell? Well, you know about Obama. Whoa. All right. Well, I have to end the NARDA bit by saying keep rocking the free world and doot doot doot doot doot.

Doot doot. Thank you. Thank you. That's incredible. Wow. What an incredible... You really make a good ad for listening to Nardwar. Oh my god, he's amazing. Can you get him on the pod? Let's get him. I tried. I was like the one

Canadian guy who was filming your JFL set. I threw it out into the void being like, maybe he knows Narbor because he lives in Vancouver. But no chance. There was some crazy email. The biggest person I've asked so far was Jason Momoa. Jason Momoa shared a joke

of mine once and I did write him. I said, do you want to do the pod? He wrote back, he said, I don't do pods. Hell to the no. Do you have a blessing? Did you do yours? No, I'm going to go get your blanket. It's not going to be the blessing, though, because I already thanked you.

But tell your blessing while I get the blanket. Okay. Oh, God. My blessing. Did you do your blessing? I mean, Nardwar was my blessing, I guess. Oh, yeah. Nardwar.

Long-winded one. Nardwar was my blessing, I guess. Oh, yeah, Nardwar. Long-winded one. Nardwar. Okay, my blessing, I will say, oh, God. Nothing to be thankful about. No, I'm really thankful for so many things right now. That's why I think I'm struggling in terms of, like, who exactly to thank or be thankful for. I feel very grateful right now i feel like i'm in like a really good positive um space in terms of how i'm feeling about things and i

think um i'm feeling very um i think because of the show and because of I think because I'm mentioning like that when I was a little kid when I used to come to New York and be like the reason I came to New York was to see Broadway shows

and so like feeling like the whole reason that I ever moved to New York was kind of connected to that I feel very like I don't know I feel very like, I don't know, I feel very like good kid energy

of like being like you're getting to go see the theater and be like in Times Square and be like you know, how often have you gone to Times Square where you're like, oh, I'm in Times Square. But it's a really nice feeling to be excited about being in Times Square. Does that make sense?

And so I'm feeling like just very like I don't know. I'm appreciative of like anyone who was like at all encouraging of any sort of thing that I've been doing to

allow me to get to this space. Because it feels like you know it's a terrifying it's a thing where you're like if i i'm thankful for my parents too because i i feel like they're really good about not being like what are you time and being patient of like and so i don't know them and nicole too nicole like in terms of like being like she had a lot of things going for her when we met and i did not so i think it's been nice i'm i'm very appreciative of all people in my life that were didn't make me feel any sort of way that I was not accomplishing things and not,

um, doing things. And then, uh, have been along that ride and are still like around and being like, of course, you know? And so I feel thankful for those people.

And you're one of those people too, John Marco. Aw. Love you, buddy. Love you. I, these aren't my blessings, and so I feel thankful for those people and you're one of those people too, John Marco aww love you buddy these aren't my blessings but we did, so we're really listening this is the longest episode we've ever done yeah, no it's good, join the Patreon patreon.com slash downside

so Russell got a fantastic gift there's no way you can see it but I posted it on my Instagram but it's a blanket it's of us it's of us it's a picture of us recording our 1000th episode holding hands and he's

Emilio and he's a tourist and it says till death do us part it's so sweet it was so moving and I love these kinds of blankets what do you call these blankets I don't know I've always loved this kind of blanket. So we're going to hang it up.

And then I've been doing more thrift, and I'm trying to figure out my whole thing, but we're getting some art for this. I want to make the studio look nice, like me and Ian. I'm the town. I'm the town. Picture, we got this.

There he goes again. Dustin Hoffman as Lenny Bruce. I've not seen that movie. Have you seen it? I have. I don't know if I'd like it now that I know stand-up. I'd be like, this is Dustin Hoffman as Lenny Bruce. I've not seen that movie. Have you seen it? I have. I don't know if I'd like it now that I know stand-up. I'd be like,

this is bullshit. But it was good at the time. And then Cat on a Hot Tin Roof. So we're making this. We're figuring out our vibe. And I've told you guys, feel free to shout out, but I feel like it's going to be

some theater-y stuff. Yeah, I love that. I have something in the works. Ooh. Paige. Paige going all out. And I'll just in the works. Ooh. Paige. Paige going all out. And I'll just start the blessing. Are you attracted to Elizabeth Taylor?

I'm trying to remember because I don't recognize her this. I feel like I'm mixing her up with Audrey Hepburn. Can you look at her? She's right there. I think all women are beautiful in their own ways. This hair is the hair that I have if I grew it out. Yeah, you think she's the gal? She's the gal walking to work?

I'm thankful for that lady from the old days. Let me give a shout out to Dave Colombo. Dave Colombo is our editor. And he, you know, there was a time where I really edited the clips like on my own. And he's so good at doing them. And he keeps them sharp and funny. And like people have watched these clips way more than they've listened to a whole fucking episode. Totally.

And it is crazy. Millions of people. So, and I'm so thankful for listeners. San fucking episode. Totally. Millions of people. I'm so thankful for listeners. San Francisco is very cool. There was a lot. There was a lot of people in San Francisco. And we multiplied. You mentioned this.

There's some people reaching out to us. You're reaching out. There was a big name. Big name. Where you're like... There's going to be some. Don't reveal your hand. Don't reveal our hand here. No, no, no.

There's that thing where you want to be like, are you sure? No, no, no. Us? I get it. I get it. I'm saying like, what's not reflective right now is the ads and the, you know. There's a thing where the guests that we're getting who want to be on the show Yeah. And because there's a good amount of listeners, we're just

saying, join the Patreon because... Listen, the video where you made up that anti-Semitic punchline went viral. Shut the fuck up. Oh my god. I know. Speaking of which, we're gonna patrons, this is what we do for the patrons. If you want to join, there's so many listeners who are like,

oh, I think about being a patron. So listen, just do it. Just do it. Russell's going to read this joke. I got this off. Also, everyone we're talking to is a Patreon person. No, no, this is on the main feed. Oh, it is.

This is on the main feed. I've not been talking like it's on the main feed. I thought this was Patreon. No, don't worry. You did not say anything bad. No. There was the 30 minute Other one with the tits

But listen We're gonna be a fun We're a comedy podcast So I'm gonna Russell You're gonna swipe for this joke This is Tova sent this to me

Okay This was like a bunch of Old guys telling Yiddish jokes Okay And you're gonna end it Wait No no this is fun Okay

But And then Don't worry patrons If you're a patron Or if you're a regular person, send us street jokes. I love street jokes. Russell only likes street jokes when he's reading them. A little bit of narcissism.

But okay, so read them and really, really do it. Read it like the man who's saying it. Oh, brother. Patrons, scroll in now. A Jew's not doing so well and he's taking it quite badly. So decides to kill himself. And so he goes to the train station. He stands right in the middle of the tracks on a stool.

And under his arm, he's holding a halah. Oh, hold up. Halah? Hala. Hala. his arm is he's holding a halah oh hold up halah halah halah bread it's a loaf of bread i'm sorry read the line again and under his arm he is holding a halah sure jews come to him and ask shalom what are we what are you doing what are what are you doing? What are you doing? There's no you. Just added. And he says, I've had enough already. I'm going to take my life.

But why do you have challah? I'll get hungry as I wait for the train to come. I could die from hunger. That's it. That's the funny joke. That's a funny joke. That's the funny joke. Marco. That's a funny joke. Oh, okay. That's a funny joke.

We're like, what? What is happening? I'm going to get in trouble for that. And it wasn't even that good of a joke. That's not a joke. The joke is Jews like food. You can say that. Everyone likes food.

Not like the Jews. We grab it up and we want it all. We want all the food. That sounds like one of those celebrities that's like, oh, I eat. We grab it up and we want it all. We want all the food. That sounds like one of those celebrities that's like, oh, I eat tacos and that makes me special. Because I'm not trying to diet. I'm going for it.

Oh, God. Okay, this is the other one in the video. I'll say this one. Yeah, you say it. Two Jews heard that Hitler is going to pass by. Oh, God. So they decided to wait so they could kill him. You see how I'm telling the joke with a little bit of flavor? Like I'm telling it?

As opposed to trans... Two Jews, they heard Hitler is going to pass by. So they decide to wait so they could kill him. Naturally, they're Jews. Well, you want to kill Hitler. They wait and wait, and he doesn't come. And they say, I hope he's alright.

Oh, what? I didn't know I had to do a bad Jerry Seinfeld impression. Ladies and gentlemen, patreon.com slash downside. You could get this once a month. We're going to be on math next episode. Oh my god. Thankful to Paige. Thankful to Russell.

Go see Gutenberg. Go outside the Paige. Thankful to Russell. Thankful. Go see Gutenberg. Go outside the door. Say Debbie Downsider. Debbie Downsider. Hey, I'll put you on the list. I'll get you back in my dressing room. No, you won't.

This is The Downside. One, two, three. Downside. Downside. You're listening to The Downside. The Downside. With Gianmarco Ceresi.