The Downside with Gianmarco Soresi - #167 Everything Is a Lie with Justin Willman

Episode Date: November 7, 2023

Magician and comedian Justin Willman (Magic for Humans) joins to share the downsides of breaking both of your arms in a daredevil attempt to impress girls, making children cry, why magic is rooted in skepticism, the ethics of psychics and mediums, and why magicians are not doctors. Gianmarco also talks a little too long about watching Naked Attraction with his sisters. Stay at the end for an extra segment from Gianmarco and Tovah on how they got scammed on their anniversary! You can watch full video of this episode HERE! Join the Patreon for ad-free episodes, exclusive content, and MORE. Follow Justin on Instagram, Twitter, & TikTok See Justin in a city near you! https://justinwillman.com/tour Follow The Downside with Gianmarco Soresi on Instagram Get tickets to our live podcast recording in NYC with Ari Hershkowitz on November 13 here: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/700527254877 Follow Gianmarco Soresi on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, & YouTube Subscribe to Gianmarco Soresi's email & texting lists Check out Gianmarco Soresi's bi-monthly show in NYC Get tickets to see Gianmarco Soresi in a city near you Watch Gianmarco Soresi's special "Shelf Life" on Amazon Follow Russell Daniels on Twitter & Instagram E-mail the show at [e-mail] Produced by Paige Asachika & Gianmarco Soresi Video edited by Dave Columbo Special Thanks Tovah Silbermann Original music by Douglas Goodhart Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Shop at Sephora today. Limitations apply. Must be a beauty insider. See terms at sephora today limitations apply must be a beauty insider see terms at sephora.com for complete details oh debbie downsiders episode give me five seconds let me just tell you something real quick um uh i russell's not on this episode he wasn't on the last one but i promise he's on the next one we already already recorded it, and it's very good. It's excellent. But I want to throw you a bone, and it's not Russell, but my beautiful girlfriend and I, we had our third anniversary at a place called Le Petit Chef,

which I do not recommend, and we did a little bonus segment that we slapped at the end of this episode. So give it a listen and enjoy our episode with magician Justin Willman. This is The Downside. Hi. Fuck wrong cue. One, two, three. You're going to know what that cue means next episode.

This is The Downside. One, two, three. Downside. is the downside you're listening to the downside with john marco cerezi hello welcome to the downside this is john marco cerezi i'm here at melrose podcast studio with my my producer page asachika i've been upgraded to co-host today. You are, you are. I'm visiting LA, and this is a very expensive studio. Losing more money than normal on today's episode.

They even have drinks. I'm drinking this thing. It says it says, Bashi Akava Experience. It doesn't say anything about what makes this drink special, but on the back it says you have to be 18 or older to drink it. And it says the statements provided have not been evaluated by the FDA. No statements have been provided on the can though. So I'm nervous. It doesn't say THC anywhere, but we'll see where this goes. I have a very important meeting in two hours. Who knows

the downside? This is a place i'm trying to get better at this little intro especially for the guests understand this oh sure it's okay you can even keep this in that's the kind of show this is this is this is this is going on on youtube this is our our our producer remind me your name forgive me we just We just met. Jared. Jared. Jared, fantastic. Jared clearly has worked on much bigger shows where a backpack can't be in frame. The downside, it can be wherever the fuck we want. You just had your keys in the frame. I had my keys in the frame.

This is a place where things can go wrong, where people can complain. We talk about the negatives. We allow people to share their failures. They don't need to pretend to be grateful they can kvetch bitch moan it's fantastic

even Jared fuck it if you want to come in and say why you hate being here today that's fine and we're here oh no

oh yeah we're here and we're here with a very special guest Justin Willman thank you for being here. So good to be here. So good to be introduced so that now I can chime in on all the hijinks.

Yes. I mean, so much to say about the kava. I feel like maybe the fine print is too fine. We haven't noticed it. Do you know what kava is? No. I feel like this is like an L.A. TV. But it must be good if you have to be 18.

Everything good happens after 18. Nothing good is available for minors, if you think about it. Sure. But that's why I'm confused. Is it like there must be something in it? And I looked at the ingredients. There's nothing here. You got to be 18 to have peach juice concentrate?

I don't know. We'll see. Jess, I'm very excited to have you. Thanks for having me. I've been a fan for a long time. I don't know when you walk in, you see the cast, I'm very excited to have you. Thanks for having me. I've been a fan for a long time. I don't know when you walk in, you see the cast, and you go, what did I agree to? But you're here.

No, this place is nice. This place must be expensive. Oh, and. I walked in and I was like, wow. Well, let me tell you something. It's expensive. When you book these kind of studios, they say there's the one camera option,

and then there's the multi-camera option, which somehow the multi-camera, it's tenfold. And I originally, I said, let's do the one camera option, and then there's the multi-camera option, which somehow the multi-camera, it's tenfold. And originally I said, let's do the one camera. And then Pate said, but what if he does a trick? And I said, motherfucker. Now we've got to get the multi-cam. So just putting that out there in the universe, no pressure for you,

but this did cost $10,000 more to get multi-angles. I want to talk about so much, but I have to first uh just talk briefly i was my sisters live here and last night they introduced him to the show naked attraction have you seen this show no i've not seen it justin it's a british show yeah full-on day it's a dating show host brings out the person who's looking for a date. There's six boxes. There's different colored lights. The beginning of the show, level one,

they raise the boxes so it's just over all the guests' waist. They're genitals, they're backside, and then they just go around and they talk, they discuss, they compare, what do you like. You're saying the box covers everything but the generals. Yes. So first they're all covered, and level one. Covers the hideous faces, the hideous bodies.

Yes. All you see at the beginning of the show, waist down. Wow. And then they go up, and they look, and they go, what do you think of this? What do you think of that? Turn around. And also, it's in England, so you know what that means, with the guys at least. They're tiny?

Yes, a little bit. Uncirqued. Uncirqued. I see. Uncirqued is so late. Uncirqued is so late. That would be when they make the American version. I've never seen so many uncircumcised penises in my life, and just a variety.

Some, a little bit of a little head is remaining. Some, like a balloon, a tide. I mean, all the way. It's, I didn't know. I thought it was like kind of one thing, but it's, it's, it's a whole level of individuality that I don't have. I don't, I don't know about you. We just met. It's okay. But I imagine. Circumcised? Yes, circumcised. Okay, yeah, that's what I was into. Very circumcised.

Extreme. Extreme. Extremely circumcised. Yeah. But I see what you're saying. It's very interesting to see the other side of the pond, literally. Like you're seeing, you know, it's like what frogs look like in a different part of the world.

Yes. I'm always curious could they have can you can you trim do you have to do the full because some I'm telling you it could have loose could have done with a little more trimming you're saying well I'm just curious is there like a half a half version like does anyone get there to keep their foreskin but get it shaped I feel like like that would be like an L.A. thing. Like, oh, you haven't had, now they got the buccal fat. What is the thing everyone's getting out of their face now? The buccal fat removal.

The buccal fat removal. What? Foreskin trim. You don't know about the buccal fat removal? I don't. I don't. You live in L.A. You live in L.A.

Yeah. I should be spending more money on things. It's this fat is removed. Why do they call it buccal fat? Right? Yeah. Yeah. So it's like it gives the illusion of like hollowed cheeks and like higher cheekbones.

It's very obvious. Like it's like it's not a subtle surgery. You know what else does that? Crystal meth. Sure. You know? Well, maybe that's what's in this. We'll see.

We'll see. A two o'clock meeting might need to be pushed. this we'll see we'll see a two o'clock meeting might need to be pushed but i watched it with my sisters because what's so interesting about the show is it's it's very not sexual in a way that only the british can achieve it is it is like like they so so then you do the first level they eliminate someone then it's the chest which honestly i don't know which one i'd be more and what do they look what criteria they're looking for they just talk like oh i like i like hair i and then it goes to an infographic 80 of british women say they like a man with a hairy bum and and very basic learning evolutionary facts that you're like surely it's not as simple as this. And, or they go, oh, orange pubes.

I don't really like that. I- Probably natural. And then it goes up to their neck. Then it goes to their face. Each time they're eliminating someone. Final round, the contestant has to get naked. And does one final like talking to them then they they pick

one they hug and whenever they hug it's this incredible reach over without their genitals touching uh and then they go on a date and they make a stupid fuck they go i can't wait to see her with her clothes on and then they go on the horrifically staged date, and then it cuts to a month later, and they're together or they're not. But it's weird, because once it gets to the date, it loses any sex. When they come back, they don't even ask,

did you have sex? So in a way, it's very naked, obviously, but it lacks the American reality shows. I feel like it's like, did you fuck? Like that's so much of the Bachelor. I don't even watch it, but I remember Joe Millionaire. It was like they had in the subtitle slurp, slurp, slurp. I remember way back.

Like Americans is like, did they fuck? And this show, it's so weird because it's not did they fuck, but they're fully nude. And I'm talking close-ups. This high-def camera, but right on the nude. And I'm talking close-ups. This high-def camera, but right on the dick. Did it make you uncomfortable to hear in the penis part that I'm sure your sisters have seen more penises than you have? Well, we discussed this.

Because apparently my mother, who's now in a relationship, who's been dating a bunch, apparently texted my sister, I'm with a guy he's he's uncut what do i do and i think it's funny the sister that she picked to ask that question like she was like this is the one who would know and my mom she grew up in long island most of the dicks she's seen are are circumcised but but she didn't know. That's what Siri's for, if you think about it.

Really. That's my sister's name. It said sent with Siri at the bottom of it. I bet that guy would have loved to be asked that question. Sure. Let me show you what to do. I think the way my mom would have asked would have been like, oh, what do I do with that? Was it like, what do I do?

Like, how do I get out of here? No, I think it's, I don't even know what my mom was asking exactly. Or, you know, you do whatever you did with the other one. Right. But there's just, you got to pull a little harder down. I don't know. So, it was very. John, I'm going to have you scooch in.

Me? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Scooch in your seat. Sure. Okay. Oh, my seat.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Okay, all right. You're good. Keep this in. Keep it all in. That's the voice of God? Yeah. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just get you in your seat. Sure. Okay. Oh, my seat? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Okay, all right. You're good. Keep this in. Keep it all in. That's the voice of God right there. So my question is, you have a sister.

I do. Oh my God, how do you know this? She's magic. Yes, I know. I did my research. Yeah. Would you watch the show

with your sister or do you have a relationship where you'd be like, this is weird? We'd watch it together. I know she'd be way more like blushy than I would. It'd be a little weirder for her. Now here's my question.

Which would you feel more uncomfortable looking at? Because I was surprised by what I felt. The naked man or the naked woman? The close-ups of a penis or the close-ups of a vagina? Both would probably be something neither of us have seen in such great lighting, you know? Sure. It's probably very interesting. I feel like there's a trick question, like you know something about what I would do.

I was surprised where I thought it would be the penises, but it was more the vaginas where I was like, oh. Wow. They come like that too. Yeah. Just being with my sisters, it just felt like oh like something about that yeah that feels felt like ah whereas the dicks it was just like ah whatever yeah do they mix it is it men and women is sometimes it's a bisexual contestant uh-huh and

you get to really see the way the things there we go sometimes all women sometimes all men I can't imagine if I was a contestant on the show and there were like six naked women, I feel like I'd be like, they're all beautiful. They're all beautiful. Each in their own way. I would never be able to pick. Because then when the boxes come off the heads, it's like, surprise, it's your sisters. Well.

Can you imagine? I have a tattoo and I told my sisters, I was like, what if you're watching this show and the first level, you're like, oh no,

oh no. I know that tat. So watch that show. We're being sponsored by that show. I want to host that show when it comes to it. Who does host that show? It's like a British lady.

And she really is like, she lets the show do the work. You know what I mean? She really, I think there's so much going on with the show. She gets out of the way. Yeah, because I feel like any joke I would think of, I would be like, is this going to get me in trouble? Just roasting, what am I roasting people's genitals? Do they roast the dicks?

Not really. They let the. Does the crowd laugh? Oh, God. There's no crowd. There's no crowd. Can you imagine a live studio audience? There was a guy.

He had a big elephant tattoo that he got, I guess, in college. And so that's the big reveal. They pull it up and you're like, oh, my God, a big elephant ear tattoo. What's the trunk? I mean, it was a trunk. It was an appropriate tattoo. Wow. So, Justin.

Yeah. Is this, should I take my pants off? Is that what's going on? Yeah, that's the new segment we're going to do for the Patreon members. Patreon.com slash downside. Me and Russell will do the naked attraction. Justin, I love magic.

I've watched, I I even for my my sketch team back in the day we did a parody of making the person invisible oh yeah and it was making it was like a son with his mom and stepdad and the moment the son thought he was invisible he just went from the step down was like fuck you fuck you fuck you and they tried to handle that great did anything with that one with that sketch did did anything where someone like they said they're invisible and they went in the women's restroom and you're like no no no okay okay cut cut cut i mean not everyone's gonna someone's gonna rob a bank yeah it is it's a it's like a nice social experiment in that way what would you do you know Have you ever had to stop because a real person was just like,

you're like, oh, we're not filming this segment. We're not airing this segment. Because I did What Would You Do, which is a hidden camera show a couple times, and there were times where I was like, oh, well, we can't air this. We did a bit once where we, like I work with a hypnotist to kind of, you know, suggest, hypnotically suggest

that when this certain flashing pattern of lights happened that they would do ridiculous things, bark like a dog or, you know, like just do weird screaming things. I would just open up a box and it was crazy. Like I don't know

if you believe in hypnosis, but I believe in it. At least I believe that some people are hypnotized yes I agree and we shot this bit and I I it was it was funny but I felt so bad for these people like I felt like I don't know that they would ever be okay seeing how they just behaved against their will not against their will but just that I just it just felt a little exploitative I was like you know I've left it just because you can do it doesn't mean yet you do it what kind of things did they make them do they just look ridiculous and I'm like this person has a job probably that

might get them fired because they're like sure doing the worm on the sidewalk or something you know is there any legal has anyone ever sued and they like in court of law you know know, you plead insanity. Can you plead I was hypnotized? Oh, interesting. I mean, because you would sue. Manchurian candidate kind of thing. You would sue.

You would. Have you been hypnotized? No, I don't think so. Not that I know of. Yeah? Yeah. I've tried it for relaxation or for just a hypnosis show. Well, I went to a summer camp,

and there was like a magic, there was like two magicians at the summer camp, and one of them did hypnosis. And I remember I had the hiccups, and I used to get bad, long hiccups. And they did like a hypnosis, and then I relaxed and they went away. And I can't do it to myself.

I've tried. And you've never had the hiccups since? No, but in that moment, sometimes I could not get them to stop. And they did like a and and I think you know I was an actor first I think I have enough of that like I'll believe right and that I can enter it sometimes it's showtime all right I'll override my biology yeah I've never I've left for the most part I've left people pleased I mean sometimes people who have like no one's's sued. I've had people, did this bit,

it's so funny the things that people might later when a clip goes viral think is embarrassing for themselves, but like where this UPS guy dropped off a package that weighed like eight pounds. It was a big box. And then right as soon as he set it down, I jumped out of it and I was like, hey, thank you so much, I'll sign for it.

And his brain broke because he was like I was just carrying this thing It weighed nothing and you know, it's 170 pound dude comes out. It's a magic trick. He didn't know as a magician So we shot a hidden camera and he was very happy on the day all your magician. Oh, that was crazy But then when the clip starts going around he just think like people are sharing it with him like oh man You're an idiot, you know How did you you know like so he's kind of like now like two years later thinking like oh man that magician's an asshole like he made me look dumb sure it happens so you i you know i know a little bit of your story but but but you started magic when you were young when i was a kid 12 and can you can you uh for those who don't know the story of how you first were introduced to trying magic?

Well, I became a magician by accident because I was 12 years old riding my bike while wearing rollerblades one day after school. Because you were this kind of kid? I was this kind of kid, yeah. I didn't, you know, like I didn't, I really was very nervous around girls, but I had a lot of friends who were girls, so I was like this friend zone, safe buddy. But I was also so just nervous and terrified about, the girls are so cute, what do I do?

So I would do stupid stuff just to get out of having to have a conversation. I just told jokes, but you chose to put on rollerblades. Same thing, exactly. It was a joke. It was my Super Dave Osborne moment. Uh-huh. And I felt, anyway,

I broke both of my arms that day. I was in cast for six months. And how bad of a break? Duh, compound on the left side, which means bone sticking out. Cool. Do you remember this moment

or do you like blackout? I remember, I remember thinking back, I remember the moment where they hang your arm, when they set the bone, they hang it from like Chinese finger traps, you know, but they're they're wire you know those things that like and so my arm is being pulled

down and they're just like a guy putting his full force on it just to get the bones to kind of like separate enough to shape them and you see the bone in front of you yeah are you screaming are you crying are you like screaming it was screaming wailing did they did they like give you shots to numb it but you still felt i mean exactly i think I woke up from the anesthesia in that moment. Oh, my God. And I've had a kidney stone since then, which was not as painful as this, that moment. Do you ever have PTSD or flashbacks? You see your bones sticking out?

I mean, I've never seen my bone. I think they shielded it from me a lot. I don't have a real clear visual of it I think as soon as somebody saw it cuz it was probably over here like you can see the spot where it was it's a little bit out of my view I think somebody saw it and they were like okay just just you look over here you know but I remember I remember seeing I just can't picture in my head that's gotta be so like do you my parents were your parents like god damn it why do you do this you're crazy or were they did they like that you were just i think they knew this was

bound to happen this some some you hope it's a broken pinky exactly you know not a bone sticking well i was in cast for six months it healed bad they had to re-break it at one point it became like 12 months along the way my doctor saw how it would perk up when this magician would come in through the hospital. So he told my parents, get him a magic book. And then he kind of loosely prescribed magic as physical therapy. So that's how I became a magician. I got obsessed. Cast came off, became a magic guy.

So this magician, this was like a service the hospital offered? Local magician, Dr. Magic they called him. Not an actual doctor. Sure. Yeah, yeah. Was he good, looking back? Well, yeah, his tricks worked. It was the first, you know,

I think he was, I was old enough then, like 12, to look at that and not think like, I'm watching this as an audience member, but more like, I could do that. That looks fun to do. I see what he's doing, I wanna do that. I wanna learn how to do that, you know what I mean? Not like, ooh, how did he do that?

It was more like, I know what you're doing, but tell me more about what's going on. What's in your other hand, that kind of thing. Did you ever, like, because I saw when you have kids, I think when you do magic for, like, kids, it's the cutest because they're truly young enough to think that it's magic. And I don't know if, I think that's the coolest.

And they forget that they're being filmed. So they're not self-conscious about looking amazed or, like, letting it show that their minds are blown. There was one episode where a kid started crying, and I was just curious in that moment, were you like, oh, fuck, the man made the kid cry. Oh, no. Are we going to edit this to look nice,

or is it going to be... Have you had a lot of kids cry? It was in the first episode. It was when I made this kid's marshmallow disappear and then I blamed him for eating it. We kind of recreated the Stanford marshmallow experiment. And it was just so sweet. And I'm essentially gaslighting him with magic.

I'm like, what, you ate it? He's like, no, I didn't eat it, it just disappeared. He realizes how crazy that sounds and he starts crying. So I swoop in. I mean, I've over the years performed for kids for years and yeah kids start crying or you know you get them on stage and everyone laughs at something I say but they think everyone's laughing at something they're doing they just can't handle yeah it's a lot when you're on the even even in a backyard birthday party all of a sudden you're on stage with a magician and

you're five and everyone's looking at you like it's it's a little terrifying yeah when you're not a someone who wants to be a performer. Sure. So this kid, I kind of felt that moment that I swoop in. I think in the moment I thought, well, we'll cut around that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then. CGI the tears out, make him have a big smile on his face.

But then when we saw it, I was like, man, it's so real. It's so. Yeah. Real. And I think people will feel like, oh, this is so fun. Oh, my God, he really believes it. Oh, it's so real it's so yeah real and i think people will feel like oh this is so fun oh my god he really believes it oh it's so sad and then you just had to paint it red so i was like well we made a kid cry so phase one is a success moving on and dan levy is one of my best friends stand-up comedian yeah and uh i remember showing him an early cut he's like well you can't you

can't you have to edit out the kid crying. And I was like, I strongly disagree. And I think I chose wisely. I think it's okay to cry. Yeah. It's okay to see a kid cry if it's not, if you make it right in the end. I gave him another marshmallow. I think it's a real debate in the age of,

especially social media. There is a clip that I think is truly, like the fact that like it put in a museum and it's essentially the make the person think they're invisible clip do you know the one I'm talking about it's like a family they make a little girl disappear and she starts freaking and all of a sudden her whole family becomes like Oscar award-winning actors like the mom does such a good job being like where is she where is she and she starts losing her mind and it looks like the kind

of thing that you need to go to therapy for later in life it is the funniest fucking video i've ever seen have you seen this one yeah i'm sure i've seen iterations of it this is one specific where this like little girl just like collapses and she's like, oh, mom, I'm here, mom. I'm here, mom. And it is – and I don't know. I could see people watching it and going like you just – pranks are always tricky. Everyone has their own feelings about pranks. Yeah.

What's your feelings about pranks? I love pranks. I do. I do. But I did What Would You Do? Do you know the show? It's on ABC. And there was one that they did that they ended up cutting

where, I don't think I signed anything. They You did it as a hidden camera actor? As a hidden camera actor, yeah. A big break. And they basically it was catfishing people people they've done the show for so

long they've done any every kind of moral premise you can imagine and um they were setting up dates with people on dating apps and they would show one person and then when they showed up it'd be a completely different person it was a very crazy shoot because it was organized around setting up dates. So people would cancel. People would be running late. And we all had earwigs. And I was like a young actor. And they said again and again,

just say exactly what we tell you. They don't want me making any artistic decisions. And so this woman comes, this young woman. I greet her. She looks confused because it was some blonde model guy and it was me. And that felt good. And the moment we sit down, they go,

propose to her. And you're like, fuck me dude, fuck me. The worst I think was, they- You felt like you're the one getting pranked for a second. You're like, wait a second. Well, I imagine one day that they come out and the real thing is, what would you do to be on TV?

Turns out it's make a woman cry. Yeah. And that's what happened is basically the host came out, said, what would you do? And she started sobbing and was like, dating is so scary. And the host tried to pivot it to like,

it is, and that's why we made this segment to highlight the dangers of dating and she signed the waiver and then apparently her mom called the station later and was like don't you fucking dare air this segment. She's 18 or 19 or whatever and ultimately they didn't air it. Whole shoot day.

They just threw away. So I just finished making a prank show for the past year and a half. And so I'm like in the weeds. Still, we're editing it. For Netflix, it's a magic prank show. And it's so funny you mentioned that Invisible Family because we're talking to them

because basically it's a revenge prank show. It's me kind of making it right karmically for all those kids that I terrorized. And I'm just – it's like using magic to help people settle scores in their life. So I was going to help that girl reprank her family. Sure. And they were over it at this point. They were like, we kind of just want to move on from that stupid video we hate that he keeps living on. So I got contacted by another kid who went viral this kid ezekiel he was he's probably the second

most popular one where his sister's convinced him he was invisible and he'd like just loses it you see the moment the brain breaks because you're you know we did it on magic for humans where it was just to an adult grown man in the park and we kind of flash mobbed him into it and everyone kind of basically the crowd kind of gaslights him into thinking that he's invisible, like this is real. And with kids, obviously, it's much easier. Sure. Because the people who they look to for confirmation

are pretending like they don't see him. So you see these, it's really heartbreaking when you see those kids. The photo is the best part of it all, where they take a photo before they're there. So they can, I mean, that's the moment where I it's brilliant yeah it's really a favorite addition to it yeah cuz yeah cuz then it becomes like oh I can do that you know and everyone kind of hopped on it but it's wild doing

these shoots where everything is a lie you know the whole ruse basically you're basically this elaborate conspiracy just to get the right person there at the right time And you don't know what you're gonna get and yeah, sometimes you do have to throw out the whole day's work. It's wild Is that that's gonna be stressful to pitch to just I mean have you had a whole shoot dates where you were like? We didn't get it or this didn't work. I mean you really have to like plan will this work? Yeah Like we we did another uh uh it was it was a what would you do and it was like I was setting up a big office in in a Starbucks like a printer and a blah blah blah and it was really humiliating because they they keep telling me like no one's

noticing no one's noticing anything so they want me to be bigger and bigger. And at some point they had, you know, I was just getting so big that someone was like, I think this is a hidden camera show. And they felt like they blamed, ultimately I got like relegated. I was the voiceover in some part instead. But it was as if like my acting had been too over the top that the shoot date got ruined. I think what they're missing is the takeaway is it's a social experiment. Yeah, nobody notices.

These days, you have to be insane for people in a Starbucks to want to even... Yeah, especially in New York. In New York, nobody... I'm sure a guy brings his desktop computer. It's hilarious, and I think that's what's funny, is that it's not weird. People just mind their own business in New York, too.

So it's like, okay, that guy's kinda like. Yeah, of course. Of course, those are three people sleeping on the chairs. It's like this guy's actually doing pretty well in terms of the social agreement. We gotta get him a laptop, maybe an iPad. Are there any, have you ever had an idea that you go, I can't do that, but fuck, that would be so fucking funny?

Any ones that you, or they said, no, we can't do that, or legally it's too tricky. I mean, it's hard. It's a tough needle to thread. We had this bit that we were pretty close to shooting until our specific marks went away. But where I wanted to make someone think that they uh ate a bunch of psychedelic mushrooms when they didn't actually so make somebody basically you know a

bag is left out or whatever it is and they eat them they ate it I'm thinking it was something else and the labels change and now it's like wait it does say it's psilocybin mushroom and instead of them actually tripping so it's a placebo effect like we magic up the entire world like you know walls changing colors you know dudes levitating like basically using magic to create the psychedelic experience to see if they would truly believe they're tripping out enough to be like to confide in somebody be like i need your help i ate a bunch of mushrooms and i'm losing my shit you know yeah and um we got pretty close to doing it, but the concern that kept popping up was like,

like, you know, if someone thinks they're tripping out when they're not, like, you know, are they going to do something that's a risk to their own safety? Or like when the guy's invisible, is he going to rob a bank? Sure. You know, like there were those concerns,

which I think is, I mean, you know you've got a good idea when there's ways that it could be very, it could go very awry. This is back when teachers could do some wild shit, but basically told the whole class they were getting drunk at a party, but none of them actually got alcohol. And they showed the video, and by the end, they're on each other's laps, and they're flirting. And it's like, that was not alcohol. You created that. And so many of those old psychology experiments, today, it's the Stanford Prison Experiment. It's all this stuff but i feel like magic and psychology obviously they're very intertwined but whether they i could imagine an experimenter coming to a magician and going like help me come up with well the magician can

come up with a way to make the variable like to create the illusion that that variable is real so like yeah you know how would someone react, like to test the placebo effect on mushrooms, like let's have it not be psychedelic mushrooms. Will they believe, like magic, you can create the illusion of a different reality, which I think is probably useful in science, you know, in social examinations. I love that stuff.

I think I always loved, there was some video, it was basically about like when when babies developed cognitively Where there was a trick where they would push something off a shelf and it wouldn't fall it wouldn't respect the rules of gravity so so you know it like but it was a wall here and it would go here and they they could calculate what age a Baby would it wouldn't mean anything to it. It's just taking visual inputs and at what age a baby would it wouldn't mean anything to it it's just taking visual inputs and at what age the baby goes what and I think about like that in terms of like that's the age that a baby could could conceive of magic is is when they understand what gravity is internally in some capacity it is or is just as simply as like the retention of vision. Like if I have a coin

and I, you know, and I do, you know, to my kids, like to, to my son, Jack, he's five now, but like, I remember early on trying to see at what point he clocks at his magic, you know, just something is there, boom, it's gone. And, and I think up to age two, the kid just kind of looks to the other hand, which is somehow always where it is. Like, but they're just kind of like, must have been my mistake, hold on, it must be somewhere else. Not like, I'm sure it was there and now it's gone, you know? Like you do it to a dog, you have to do it really quick.

Like, here's a treat, it's gone. And they'll just go, because they just think, I must have missed it falling or something. You know what I mean? Because the dog doesn't have the capability to go, oh. They're confused. Another hand would hold a thing. I mean, like, that's right.

Right. I mean, like the sleight of hand of it, you know, just like, you know, it's here. No, it's not. And it's, you know, secretly still there. Fools somebody, fools them as they get older and more experienced, less so later because they just gestures and naturalness don't mean as much to a kid or a dog. They just think it's not in this hand.

I must be confused where, well, it was most recently then in the other hand, must still be there. You know, it's interesting how it doesn't work as well. Have you, so you, you could go up to a dog and make a dog confused? Like, have you ever done it? With one finger. Could you ever get like, like 20 dogs and like confuse them all at the same time? If you were able to hold their attention?

If you had a piece of meat? The old tennis ball and then the fake throw, they all run, you know, and then they're just so confused. I just wonder, but they probably lack the ability to then feel like, oh, cool. They're just confused and then they move on. Exactly. And then they move on exactly and then they don't care anymore wow can i ask is is your mother still alive she's not she's not i apologize i'm sorry i i'm so curious because because she had alzheimer's and it was it was fascinating

watching your your segment because i thought about on the other side of life when certain magic would no longer be impressive or just like the ability to recognize what was before and what has shifted. Like whether you witnessed – I mean I don't know how much magic you're doing for your family if they're like, please stop. What do you do with your kids? How much are you doing? Well, I mean, with my parents, they would – I wouldn't be doing magic casually. I rarely do. I used to, but I rarely do now. So when they would see me, I'd be in a show, right, in a live show.

And, you know, like if you're doing stand-up or like when you're live, things breathe a little more, right? You milk the laughs. Like a joke might be much tighter if you're taping a TV set where it you're live things breathe a little more right you milk the laughs like a joke might be much tighter if you're taping a tv set where it's like i'm no crowd work i'm not going to pause it i'm going to go strict to the script versus a live show so so therefore like a magic trick's a long thing to follow with okay the premise where we start oh he's borrowing a bill in this and there was a time probably a couple years into my mom having Alzheimer's, where she just, I could tell, she just couldn't follow. Like, the tricks were not as, here it is, now it's gone. You know, that's not my kind of thing.

Like, the TV show, there's visual big things. But, yeah, magic does start to fade away. And the politeness gets, you know, people with Alzheimer's are often, they don't want to make you feel bad. So it's kind of like, no, no, no, it's great. Or they'll, she'll be so excited about the enthusiasm and the laughs in the room. But that day where I shot that bit for her, I don't know how much of it resonated as magic necessarily

because it's a subtle trick with it. She probably behaved as my mom does when I try to tell her jokes now, which is, that's great. That's really- That was the end of the joke. Ah, funny, I get it, you know? Yeah, exactly.

But your mom came up with your first name? That was her? Just incredible, by the way. It's a good name. That's a good name. It is a good name. It's a good name. If I, there was a time when I first moved to LA,

like 2002, 2003, I was doing kids' birthday parties. I'd just graduated college and I was like, I could go, and I heard what money the Wiggles were making at the time. They were. What kind of money was the Wiggles making? 10, 20, 30 million a year, two and a half million. And I was like, I could go all in

and just be like that kid magician guy, Justin Credible, you know? What Blippi is now, you know? And there's a lot of money in that. And if, but I just, I didn't have it in me to exclude everybody else and just focus, like I love kids. I think about that a lot in terms of like

what it means to be a kid's artist. Like so much of my, I think about it more recently because I've noticed where I have fans and I'm like, there's 16. And I think like oh i was i'm trying to write jokes the best jokes i can and it's it's not a bad thing you know chappelle was my favorite when i was in high school but i'm like that's so crazy that i'm like trying to write jokes and a 16 year old's like oh i fucking love that joke and i think about like what is it like as an adult to have your output be for eight-year-olds?

And also like I think so much of like especially stand-up comedy, there is a deep wanting respect of your peers. And like you're all like trying to make the funniest joke. And then if you are a kid's artist, whether there's anything weird, if you go to your musician friends who are writing songs about pain and you're like, yeah, I wrote one about the pain of your mom packed the wrong Lunchables. And you're with your friends and they're like, cool. Your friends are never like, hey, I love that new juice box bit that you wrote. And you thought about it. You can't go up at the cellar with what you do for a living, you're saying, you have to kind of pivot it.

Yeah. And I think that's probably why I just knew that my calling was a little bit more, that wasn't my authentic self. How big were these kids, we were making good money kids' birthday parties? Yeah, yeah, I was like, but I'm, you know, I'm playing to the kids,

but I'm really playing to the back of the room. You're a Pixar movie. It's like a comedy club in that, you know, it's more fun to make the fellow comics in the back of the room laugh, just like at a kids' party. It's more fun to make the parents who are lingering in the back. My goal was, like, I'm just going to make sure that they shut up and they can't help but watch because it's such a funny, good show. Because otherwise they all turn into chat, you know, even the parties. And then everything suffers, you know?

So I was like, this show, I'm gonna make the parents think it's for the kids, but they'll quickly realize it's for the adults, really. Because those parties, I mean, for comedy, it can be so hard. Same with magic. It demands a degree of attention for it to be working. Any any gigs that it was just like you were performing? It was chaos. Disastrous corporates or kids.

Oh man. Yeah, so many. Well I would do like Bar Mitzvah sometimes where before I knew the only way it works. Make your foreskin reappear. And change shapes into the four of clubs. Is that it? That's fine. I would do strolling magic. That's the only event,

like that's the style of magic that you would do at just any sort of big nutty party where there's no show. I am the show wherever I go. So I'm striking up conversation. Hey, how's it going? I'm Justin Woman, I'm the magician actually. So I'm not gonna show you guys a trick.

And you kind of go from group to group. And very much it's like a, how's it going? I'm just a woman. I'm the magician, actually. So I'm not gonna show you guys a trick. And you kind of go from group to group. And very much it's like, How's it going? Yeah, I'm yeah I'm the magician! And yeah yeah yeah. But but trying to do a trick in front of a big crowd like that where no one's got the capacity for more than 20 seconds of whatever you're saying is pretty tough with magic. So strolling, when you went to the bar mitzvah, were you there you going up to like if I was hanging out with my 13 year old friends and some adult came over, like, hey kids, was it?

Well I wasn't, like I haven't done a bar mitzvah for maybe eight to 10 years, so I was maybe 30-ish, and then I think I looked probably 25-ish, so I think it was kind of like, oh who's this guy? Someone's older brother's over here, the cool older brother, at least that's what I thought. I was deluding myself and thinking that's what I was being. They weren't thinking, who's that pedophile coming over here with a deck of cards?

But you'd find, especially for wallflowers at a party like that, they grab it. Oh, yes, there's something to do other than dance. I don't want to dance. So I'm going to follow the magician around. Sometimes the kids get a little grabby. They're like, it's up your sleeve. You'll get a kid's hand in your pocket swat it away sure yeah sure like what of the the slate of gigs was it

like fuck I have a was it ever was a fuck I have a bar mitzvah this weekend or was there an age of kids birthday we're like oh fuck it's a it's a twelve-year-old party that's that's where they're all going through four super young like sometimes a parent will have seen me at a five or six year old you're like we really want you to do it it's a fourth birthday there's gonna be kids ages two three and four and then they're so young that you can't even worry about playing the back of the room because they're just losing them they're they're walking all over the place like it's just too young and then i you know maybe the money was great or something like that so I normally it's like I have a hard line you know you it's like it's four

and three quarters and up or that's it or whatever whatever but but yeah sometimes you'll be like yeah I'll take the gig sounds good and you'll regret it later because you're kind of an expensive babysitter at some in some instances if they don't like know you or think that they're not hyping you up, it's kind of like, our kid's the magician so that we can all drink for an hour. And you just shuffle them away. We've had on Mac the Knife. Do you know who Mac the Knife is?

Yeah. Yeah. Wait a second. Wait a second. Performer, uses knives. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Colleges. Does colleges. Does a lot of colleges.

I know him from NACA. He talked about working with Roy Wood Jr. at NACA. I only did a Zoom NACA. You don't do... I used to do NACAs all the time. Yeah.

For 10 years I did like I was 200 shows a year. I was just like a road dog. Yeah. It was that was like my the boot dog. Yeah. It was, it was that,

that's, that was like my, the bootcamp, the real, the real training. Are you still, I'm so interested in the craft of magic in terms of like, I know techniques can be, are they,

they're not legally copywritten, just like within the community, they're copywritten or like, you know, Harrison Greenbaum, I'm sure? Because I know he had some dispute with someone of like some trick where it was like it was his trick, but someone said it was.

Like I don't, your whole world, it's, is there an organization? It's a whole bunch of gray area. Yeah. Is there one main organization? No. No. I mean, an organization I would would say, is an organization as much as AAA or something. It's like they're not going to go to bat for you or get all up in your business.

There are several magic clubs and organizations, the International Brotherhood of Magicians, Society of American Magicians, the Magic Castle, who kind of have, I mean, for the most part, magicians just have to police themselves. You know, the art form polices itself. And hopefully disputes get resolved or at least discussed or at least people are given a chance to decide how they feel about it. You know? I might be the guy that Harrison was talking about,

by the way. Yeah. Oh, well then I apologize. I take no sides, I don't even know a single thing about it. But in magic, the thing is that there's so many ways to take a trick and spin it and make it feel like brand new, you know? But it's based on another trick. and then there's, you know.

But you're all using. Then it's like, what's the original part? Is it the presentation, is it the script, or is it the actual prop, or the gimmick, the invisible thing, you know? Magicians are the only ones who know how you did it or what you used, so that's kind of harder to stake claim on.

Well, that's what I'm confused about, because was there a time when someone says, I had the fake thumb, the fake thumb was me. Like when does it become public domain for magicians to do what they will and when is it a unique thing? Well here's an example, like Teller of Penn and Teller has a beautiful routine that he's done forever.

The Rose? The Rose. That he, you know, even though it's a pantomime, there's no word spoken. What does he do? I haven't heard it. He's got basically a rose in a vase with a light that is basically projecting its silhouette

onto a large screen behind him, a paper screen. So you've got this, you know, it's maybe a foot and a half tall in real life, but on the screen it's like this beautiful six foot tall projection. Yeah. And Teller's admiring the rose and then he goes up to the shadow of it and he takes out a knife. And to the shadow of the rose he kind of like nicks the base of it. And then a paddle of the real rose falls.

So it's kind of like, you know, it becomes this beautiful poetic metaphor for so many different things, but just the idea of... Yeah, you could put any story you want. You could put any story, and he doesn't. He lets you just take... That's why I think it holds up so many times over the years, is that every time I watch it, I kind of interpret it differently. So it's a beautiful performance piece. Eventually all the petals fall, and you can see it on YouTube.

It's got a cool, dark ending to it. People have been trying to rip this trick off for years because what's special about it is the performance of it. I don't know how he makes the leaves fall off the rose. You really don't know? No. I've never even tried to dig into it. I'm sure because here's the thing.

What would you think? That it's some interesting, crazy animatronic gadgetry that can drop a pedal at a time maybe uh is it much simpler than that maybe what i hope it's something very like so basically you could do that trick you could the method could mean many different things to accomplish that same effect but what teller does with that effect, this performance piece, is the beautiful, I think, trademarkable or, you know, I guess in theater, how you playwright kind of mark of originality. I guess I assume that you would see it and go, oh, the something something method where like you would just like the same way if you saw any sleight of hand I bet like there's a card trick I used to know that like it was it was a good card trick and I feel like if I showed you you would know

right you'd just be like oh I know the technique I know what that was but with with this with this yeah I know I don't know I don't know that's so cool I kind of like when I don't know sure and but he's had a lot of people try to rip it off and market it. So I think it's one thing if another magician like tries to perform their own version of it and then, you know, he gets wind of it and then, you know, maybe it's a cease and desist or something or the magic community. This goes with anything.

The magic community kind of, you know, frowns upon or at least, you know, the rumor mill goes. But what about like base, base, like the technique of, oh, he thought of a new way to use an invisible string to do a, do you ever invent a new technique or are you literally taking all the techniques that exist and just creating new tricks around it? Is there an inventor of, wow, a new?

Oh, there are great inventors. And I do occasionally stumble upon, through trial and error, a great technique that like, oh, no one's ever done it like that before. Right? And I feel like if you're using my technique to do a trick that is public domain, there's nothing I can do or say about it.

That's cool. Just remember where you got it from, you know? That's fun. You know, tell them whose idea that was. But if you are, you know, like where it gets fishy is that you take a classic idea, let's just say the sawing a person in half trick, but you do it in a way that when people watch it,

it's like, it's hilarious, it's layered, it's a metaphor for our political system and it's like a five minute monologue. Like, it's like, oh, this is great. Israel, Palestine. Right, it's not the trick that's original, but it's like a four five minute model like it's like oh this is great Israel Palestine right it's not the trick that's original but it's like this performance of it and I feel like that's where Pete if somebody else tried to do my script on AGT I think people would be like yeah yeah it's like he's like he could defend himself and just be like I'm just doing the song in half-trick

it's the oldest trick in magic but it's like the way you know sure the way you're doing it so who has more has more, because you're in comedy and you see the standup world at least, which is my world. And there's a lot of degrees of like who's respected, who's, I mean it's very fractured these days. We all have our own little camps now. But like is magic even more, is it like, oh so and so is considered a hack, or so and so, is it like oh so-and-so is is considered a hack or so-and-so? Is

it a is it a bitchy community? It is. It is. Do you think it's bitchier than comedy? I think where it get you know the tall poppy aspect of it where anybody when anyone gets really successful like and and lately like comedians are selling out arenas like it's very easy to make a case that like it's crazy that so and so is that successful like just because it's out of jealousy or you know rage or insecurity and you'll be looking for things that they may be

looking for proof that they didn't deserve it or they stole something you know what i mean like magicians it's like in comedy you've got the trove of the infinite ideas of things to to riff about in magic yeah if you are a magician there's some trick and there's some magical effect involved and there's only there's more of a finite number of of magical things that can happen stuff that can appear it could disappear it can levitate it can teleport it can change colors it can you know like there's melt through another thing like there's a and then you know what what is it a prediction did you know what i was going to say before i said it pull out a deck of cards like instantly like the numbers of things so so it is easy for magicians who might do like when david blaine first came out in his special,

and everyone's talking about David Blaine, magicians, including myself, and I was like maybe 14 at the time, were so like all pissed, because we're like, this guy's got a special and he's doing the same tricks I'm doing. I do that trick. I can bite a quarter.

I do that ambitious card. It's like when a comedian, they talk about catcalling. There's sometimes you see a special, you're like, ooh, I know 20 people who are gonna be pissed that they took this twist. Or it's like, you know, like Matt Rife or any comedians who are very much skyrocketing and, you know, people who aren't paying attention

are kind of like, oh, who, where'd this guy come from? You know? And they just, yeah, there's this kind of jealousy where you're, they, like I clearly wasn't able to see what he was doing that was different, which was he's using the same tricks and making them miracles. They're not tricks the way he does them, you know? Yeah. Like, watch him do a trick. Watch him do the same magical effect.

And they think that they're witnessing the second coming of Jesus. They run away. Like, I never had people, like, grown men run away because they think, like, David Blaine, like, he was this total thing, you know? So it didn't matter what he did. And magicians, it takes them a little while to, like, rethink the tricks are so important. But what's really important is what you do,

what you have to say. It's all about delivery, too, because if I tried saying, if I tried going on stage and saying, like, your stand-up routine, it's not going to be. Paige, I would love it. I would love to see it. Any day.

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Download Bumble and try it for yourself. How do you, I often get in arguments with anyone that comes on and talks about psychics or talks about anything. I went through my believer phase. Are you skeptical? Yes, very skeptical. And then I watched, I have Flim Flam, the amazing Randy book. And I found myself very frustrated with it all.

What's your view on people who use? Let me just also say, I read a lot about there was some camp where someone was bringing back dead people from the dead, and it was cheesecloth, I guess. And you can bundle it up, and they would take it out and pretend to be the husband. And this one particular camp, this psychic pretended to be these widow's husbands and had sex with them and didn't get busted until an std spread around the camp i mean so so i look at all this stuff and i'm like this is and i feel like like randy the amazing randy is like part of it was like i feel randy about it yeah yeah but it was like he's like oh i know how this is done and you're using it and you're lying to people uh how do you feel about psychics or when you see people using what you're using for a prank show but they're actually tricking people out of uri geller uh recently there was an article about

uri geller i don't know if you're friends with him no not friends so uri geller this this article pissed me off it was in the new york times and it was taught he basically he professed that he could actually do this magic he could make spoons bend and he could do other tricks and whatnot and build this big reputation and this this article in the new york times talked about him being older now and in a way he's sort of like let go of the this is all real he kind of is a performer. And I'm like, fuck you. That's not how you built it.

You lied to people. And you used that to make people who don't have the brain to go to see, to be skeptical. You made all your money. And now you're just gliding off. Fuck off. But he still, I think, tries to have his cake and eat it too by still holding on to like, no, but no, that is real.

There is a special gift and this and this. It's like you have to kind of pick a side. Are you coming clean or are you? How do you look at it? I mean, I'm from the Randy Penn and Teller POV. I think, because honestly, just coming up in magic I was just so exposed to that anti-psychic you know like kind of

like Houdini used to debunk spiritualists and mediums well I brought up to this person because they're always like but what if I'm like Houdini since you probably know he had a number in his head, then he put that number in a safe,

and he said to all the believers out there, he said, when I die, bring me back, I'll tell you the number, you can unlock the safe, there's all the proof you need. And obviously, never happened. Yeah, I mean, I just don't get as angry about it. Because I kind of, I want someone to be legit. I don't know about psychics necessarily,

but I feel like I like the idea. Like I have, I've never seen a ghost. I've never had hard proof that somebody is telling me things that could only be possible if they're, you know, talking to my relative over my shoulder or something. But I, you want to know why?

I want it to be because it's not real. It's not real. It's not real. Because it can't happen. Really, so you still, you're not a... Like my sister and I went to a medium once, after my mom passed away. How?

You know how all these techniques work? Cold reading? But I will say, she didn't do, there's no magic, it was, you know, it's classic cold reading, it's classic. Can you say what cold reading is for people from like a real authority essentially just a psychological way of speaking and steering a conversation to emphasize the things you're saying that are correct or make sense and devaluing the things that

don't and you're steering so it's the cousin of crowd so it's like you know similarities between the two. You lost someone recently. You go, well. No, not so recently. It's the letter M has something to do. M, you know, and you're kind of looking for a hit until it's like, yes, M, yes, okay, you know, that's right.

And you're covering your own mistakes just by the fact that obviously there's room for error. This is not an exact science, and it's very compelling. Have you ever done it? I've not done cold reading. I feel like I, I mean, in magic, there are ways to create the, you know, just use the way that you speak

or the things that you do to do the same thing, essentially. But not with someone's manipulating someone's vulnerable self. A million dollars million dollars you get a gig and everyone's gonna forgive you for this it can be for a show you're gonna it's you're gonna go about a comedy club sold out and you're gonna be you're gonna say that you're a cold reader do you think you could pull it off hmm I think that's a fun that you should I would love to see I mean what a great improv game really all it is cold reading is it's it is, it's improv.

It's yes-handing, you know, yourself as you go and you're kind of. Sure, but the other people don't know that you're doing that. I will say people really just want to, I mean, I'm a skeptical magician who knows it's all BS. And I still want to experience something real. Me too. Maybe even more than normal people, you know. want to experience something real. Me too.

Maybe even more than normal people, you know. I agree with that, but that's why I can't stand when it's something obvious, when it's obviously a scam or it's obviously it's... Well, like I tell, I'm honest. I tell people, I mean, I'm a magician. Yeah, they're tricks. Like even a little kid when they come up, you know, like how do you do those powers?

I don't say like, I don't lean into like some Harry Potter stuff or wizard. You know, it's like very clear practice. It's a trick. There's an illusion. There's something like I just feel like that's important to make that clear. People still don't believe it. People think that's exactly what you would have to say if you were a warlock, you know? Like I did a bit where I, it was inspired by Randy who would do psychic surgery,

which is where he has somebody who is claiming an ailment. This is like I think I don't even know the part of the country, so I probably don't want to. I think in South America there's an ancient technique of making it look like you're removing the harmful toxins from the body. You're removing the cancer. This is something Oprah would have publicized and said this is a miracle.

Like skin cleared up. And it's sleight of hand, it's palming in, you know. Chicken innards. Yeah, chicken innards and it looks like, oh my god, it looks like it's coming out of their stomach. And then often, Andy Kaufman I think. Andy Kaufman, they did in the movie where Jim Carrey was him, where like he was ill,

and rather than get all the necessary medical treatments, he went to this place, and they took out another animal's guts out of their hand. And he said great. And there's placebo effect to this, in a sense, but that's all it is. Sure, sure. So, but these people are raking in money, and Randy would expose this on The Tonight Show.

So I wanted to do a new version where it's me removing people's NSA chips. You know? Oh, that's so smart. Like people, everyone's like, oh, you've been shipped or don't get faxed. This was like years ago. This was maybe, we did this in season one

of Magic for Humans. Pre-COVID? Oh yeah, pre-COVID. It's probably shot in 2017. You know that video would go viral and people would say it's real yeah and it would be a disaster i'm just spouting conspiracy theories but we got the trick looking so good where it really looks like you see this big old chip come out of their skin oh and i'm using a penis pump as the as the removal device you know like it's i thought it was i was making it clear that this is ridiculous. And I get I get messages.

No joke. I mean, I probably have one here once a week. Yeah. People wanting my help removing their chips where they swear they've been chipped. I got a really good one here. Oh, my God. And that's that's that's the problem. That's yeah, I feel bad.

I mean, I want to tell them why. What? not real. That whole bit was incredible because you pulled people into a van just off the street. And it makes it in such a way like, you know, don't follow a stranger into a van. And then this whole crazy medical setup in there with the NSA chip getting pulled out. It's amazing. If you did that postcode people would I mean they would believe it I I always think like the reason I think I get frustrated about psychics and

and astrology for example is I go like we live in a world where all I mean all anyone fucking talks about is disinformation and they talk about how how with the vaccine the whole thing was like well how do we fucking function as a society when people believe in things and so when i see a bunch of fucking uh my my liberal friends who were going get the vaccine you're a fucking idiot if you don't get the vaccine and then where are they getting their marching orders from the moon and i go like you cannot tell people to follow the science if you're following mars it to me they do not match as as the world that you're following Mars, to me, they do not match as the world that you're trying to live in. What's the message? Subject line, microchip.

Am I reading this? Yeah, go for it. Hello, sir. I seriously got illegally injected with a microchip. How much would you charge to remove? I only have one microchip. But he's attached photos. What?

What are the photos of? From x-rays. What? He thinks that's what's attached photos. What? What are the photos of? From x-rays. What? He thinks that's what's in him. I think he's just trying to show me like that's the shape. Okay. Can you show the photo? Yeah.

That's so funny. Oh, yeah. So here. Oh. I don't know what part of his body this is, but there's something there that he thinks is a chip. But it's very earnest. And so I charged him 10 grand. Come on.

But that's what people do. The strike was happening. No, that's exactly what people do. And then even with mediums, it's kind of like. But that's why it feels like, it's honestly something that like I have to like let go of on the podcast because every time someone, I can't every time someone says, you're a Leo, I knew it, like go into a 30-minute diatribe.

But that's why I think, that's why I think like Randy, I mean Randy, it felt like when people get really charged about it, I don't know why Randy felt so, the amazing Randy, I keep saying like Randy, like old Randy. You remember, I saw him at the funeral. But he was so,

he was mad. He was, he came off like he was mad. He said there are liars and they are lying to people actively. Not only are they profiting from it, but they are misleading people into thinking the world is different than it is.

And it made him angry. And I have that. I have a little bit of that sense. Now, do you think, you know, he just found his identity. He found his sweet spot. Like, was it running as rampant? Is it as big of a problem as Randy was saying it was? Or did you not even know it existed?

Astrology. But astrology is, I mean, it's in sections of newspapers. And it's not a problem until, I mean, President Reagan's wife had an astrologist who would, you know, she'd say to Reagan, like, I think you should bomb there instead of there. Like these, sometimes it's as A to B as that. But overall, I think when things like the vaccine happen or big, big questions happen, and as we deal with adults who are constantly being misinformed or not questioning. And it's just about that point of view, approaching everything with skepticism that I feel like magicians have because they literally have to prey on people sometimes who actually believe you know you're performing for some people go wow what an amazing technician i have no idea how that's done incredible and some people go like that's a that's a magic person and i i don't know i it just it it bothers me and i feel like people get frustrated all the time about people

politically or with the vaccine or with the microchip, like falling for things. And I go, you are actively falling for things too. You are in no place to actually judge. And luck, it's fine. They go, well, astrology, it's just, it's cutesy. But that leads to other places. That's my opinion.

I mean, ifandy was still alive you know like i would say it's just now there's so many in that same vein there's so many bigger fish to fry just in the the war on misinformation it's it's like it was nice when it was about when when even if i tell you like like yeah it's it's, yeah, those seem like the good old days where it was just an exchange of money. But now it's kind of, it's an exchange of truth and it's changing our world. You know, that's where it's a little scary. With all the, you know, you have all these projects where you have to, like, be, you're not just doing magic, but you're also, like, thinking of the TV show and the script. to like be you're not just doing magic but you're also like thinking of the tv show and the script do you feel like you're at the height of your magic a bit like like i could be a a good stand-up

comedian and then i could have a tv show and it's like i'm making a great tv show but i'm like oh i'm not the greatest comic i could be do you ever do you ever look at like magicians who just stayed on the road or who just did card tricks and you go, oh, I made an exchange of making these creative things, but I could have been even stronger at sleight of hand? Or do you feel like you're in as good magic shape? Like, I don't know how it is with magicians, just like how you view it. Like, I know what it is when I'm on the best shape for being in the one craft of stand-up comedy. What is it like for you? Do you ever look at a magician who never made the TV show and go, wow, they are so good at the fucking raw craft of it?

Or are you at the height of your powers? Or are you at the height of your powers? Well, I mean, I very clearly, I think, chose my lane, which was not to be like, you know, this finger-flinging, sleight-of-hand magician, you know? Like, people like Shin Lim. You know, Shin Lim, he won AGT. Okay.

With just incredible sleight-of-hand technique and can do bonkers stuff. And you're like, I can't believe this is not a special effect that's happening live. Like, I love those types of magic, and I feel like when I can't believe this is not a special effect that's happening live. I love those types of magic, and I feel like when you go to the magic house or sit in the close up room, you know when you're in the hands of a sleight of hand.

Like maestro, and it's so cool to see. I found stand up comedy magic to be my sweet spot in that I can do tricks that are, they're not as technically demanding, they're more technical performance demanding you know obviously you need to not look like you're doing something you know you need to be good and competent and confident I've been doing it long enough and all types of magic and all types of venues to feel like I can I can and also for the TV show oftentimes we'll we'll invent a trick and I will have to learn it and master it in a matter of two or three days versus like, I'd

like to do it for six months before I immortalize it on television, you know, like, but you don't have that luxury. So I've gotten good at getting it quick, you know, for, for a bit or whatever. bit or whatever um but i could definitely like my my new like i i wish i wish i had the time to kind of like learn a couple new tricks a week and always have something on me to be fiddling with you know what i mean like because of the many hats we wear um the magic hat sometimes maybe gets like i'm good there let's work on writing let's work on like, you know, like developing. Like for me, like I'm at this point where my tricks either need to get, you know,

my venues aren't going to get any bigger if maybe the show doesn't get a little bigger. You know what I mean? You know, like I use live cameras and stuff when I tour. And so you kind of, you know, a mean you know like i i've i use live cameras and stuff when i tour and so you kind of you know a 2 000 seat theater you know like even with the screens i feel like the people in the back that you might have maxed it out unless you're doing something bigger larger than life you know like and i'm not a copperfield kind of guy you know in terms of like big scale crazy things so it's like do i do I get into that territory of like,

of course Ed Sheeran's just a guy on a guitar and he's playing stadium. So it's like what, you kind of start to think. Do you want to or is it like, then you have a team and it's like you have that crew. I love how it's me and my crew of two and we check our bags and we rent a car. Like it's pretty streamlined.

Like to play a to play a that's why i like stand-up i think ultimately is i did theater and like or sketch comedy it's like props and costumes and i'm like i just love that i can fucking walk up there right but i think i wish i had a new like i haven't had the time to write new live material as with the frequency that i like so that I feel like the show is it's kind of like in its pocket right now.

I got it. It's great. But I miss having two or three new things in the show that makes that I'm super nervous about and obsessing about

for the hour beforehand. Like I love I just love feeding a fresh log on the fire and I feel like I haven't maybe done that in a while. Is there ever

you ever have a new trick or something you're working on where it just fucking went wrong? I mean, to the degree of, like, the fake thumb fell off the hand and it went into the... Yeah, I had this idea to do a bit where I have, like, a... God, what was it? A giant ball of yarn that goes into the audience and I throw it out to one person and I'm like, give me a give me a type of animal, for example.

OK, great. Throw the ball to somebody else. Name a type of candy or something. Throw the thing to somebody else. Give me any playing card. And then we unroll that ball of yarn and inside is a, let's say they said a cat, like a stuffed cat. And inside that cat is a Kit Kat bar. And so the Kit Kat bar is their card. I can't remember what it was, but like a three, you know, one, two, three prediction reveal. And I was going to open the show with it.

And, you know, there's a magic technique sometimes where you have to do a little uh show before the show to um prime certain people uh to like for example like if i were to go up in a 2000 seat theater and be like sir here pick a card please yeah yeah that would versus i hadn't picked a card ahead of time right so when so when I say name a card, just think of the card that you picked. So he's kind of like, okay, well you don't know what it is, okay, I'm gonna say it seven times, I'm gonna remember that. I see.

So, you know, it's a little show before the show. Yeah. It's a magic technique. Maybe I'm saying too much. Maybe I'm about to get kicked out of the union. But the idea is that I was so cocky thinking I could do three of those at once, and none of them worked.

I did this at Tempe Improv, the first tour date. So this ball of yarn goes in the audience, name any animal and I thought it was the person. She's like octopus. Cool. Any, how about any land animal? Oh okay. Do you have any pets? Okay. Neighbors? How do we get to a cat? And then it's like fail, fail, fail. And I think one of them maybe worked enough that I thought, I'm going to unroll this ball of yarn, which once I did it on stage, I realized it took so much longer than I thought.

So it's like I definitely don't have shtick to cover three minutes of unraveling yarn. And then it was a weirdo. That only happened once. Sometimes you can tell like something's got promise. So one thing was right? One thing was right at the end? One thing of the three. And you played it off like, oh, didn't get that one,

didn't get that one, whoa, look at that. Yeah, exactly. That is so funny. I wish I could just see your face when they said octopus and you went no something with a C I mean I luckily like doing it long enough that I kind of

can laugh about those moments or at least know that I don't need to be afraid of like I can always spin something so it doesn't feel like it's much of a failure to the audience as I know it is but even if it was a total failure I know well alright let's even if it was a total failure, I know, well, all right, let's get into gear.

I've got, now I've gotta hit everything else from this point on. And I know they'll forget about that. You know, you put a new bit between, you know, you kind of softball a new bit between two workers and eventually. I try to remember sometimes, because on stage I can go like,

wow, in a crowd where I think like, oh, I missed that joke, missed that joke, missed. And sometimes I'm like, I know when it does, I know if I keep it confident, they don't know that that was a miss. You know, and it's just that illusion. And I have to fight it on stage with just that feeling of like, I'm failing, I'm failing, I'm failing.

You just fake it. Well often, corporates, you know, do a corporate gig and you're thrown off man, because you might have just gotten off tour, you're performing for your fans, and everything's hitting, even the subtle things, and then you're like, are they, because you might have just gotten off tour, you're performing for your fans, and everything's hitting, even the subtle things, and then you're like,

is my mic even on? These people, they didn't know you, so they're on board, but they definitely aren't picking up on your subtle comedic tone in certain places, and it's brutal.

So before we go on to our next segment, this has got to stop. So this is more about the question obviously everyone who meets you who wants to say can you do a trick does it does it bother you does it do you get exhausted by it do you go god damn it or are you like i have a quick one that's easy to do i'm asking in the meta way first before I literally ask it, or not ask it, depending on how you feel. No, no, this is an interesting thing, because I know that people, even if it's not even spoken

ahead of time, like hey, you can do a trick, I know that people always want to see magic. Now, I know it's different, you know, if I was going on like KTLA to do a three minute segment, I know it's pretty clear I'm going to do magic, right? But for a long form conversation like this, it's kind of knowing that there's the expectation for a trick sometimes will keep me in my head

and not let me be as in the moment for a conversation. Like in real life, if an Uber driver's like, oh here, I'm gonna red light, do a conversation. Like in real life, if like an Uber driver's like, oh, here, I'm gonna red light, do a trick. Like it's just like, oh, like a jarring switch from my real life, you know,

to get on, you know. I'd prefer that I'm like, well, come see a show, you know, or I'm sure you're like, say something funny, you know. It's like,

oh, I got it. For me, I always, I mean, there's a, they'll say, say a joke and I go, it won't,

I've made the mistake before. It's awkward because I have to say, no, it won't work. Because that's my thing is I'm like, it will not work in this setting if I tell you one of my jokes. It'll be uncomfortable. I'll say it. You won't laugh. And it'll be weird. And I used to make the mistake.

I once was in a line at some club in L.A. And there was like a girl and felt like we were flirting in line. And she was like, say a joke. I was like, no. And she was like, say a joke now. And then finally, like 15 club in LA and there was like a girl and felt like we were flirting in line And she was like say a joke. I was like now and she's like say a joke now And then finally like 15 minutes in line. I was like, okay, and I told my best opener at the time and it was just like Yeah, and then turned away and it was over and I was like But it's awkward because they are there in system Yeah, so that said it's like also they're in system. Yeah. So that said, it's like also sometimes I feel like I had a period where I would get uncomfortable with doing that strolling magic that I described. Where it feels like I'm such a dancing monkey.

That I loved. I like doing a show on stage. I'm on the mic. I get to kind of curate this thing. Magic for Humans obviously is different in the amount of the world, but it's like, you know, it's for the cameras, it's for them. But, yeah, so I do have a trick that I can – this is an audible trick that your listeners could appreciate,

participate in, and then potentially re-listen to once or twice and understand how to perform it as well. Let's start recording the audio. Yeah, perfect. This has just been pantomime. This has all been a teller stage play. We dumb it over. It's very fun.

But you probably heard, this one holds up. I always love this one. Think of a number. Nobody say it out loud, but do this in your head. Think of a number from 1 to 10. Got a number? Yeah. Both of you do it.

Don't say it, though. Everybody listening, think of a number from 1 to 10. Just keep it quiet in your head. Now multiply that number by 9. I can't do math. I'm like, what? Multiply it by 9. Take a moment.

Yeah. So now you probably have a two-digit number, likely. Add those two digits together. So if your number was 11, you'd add 1 plus 1. So now you have a new number. Yeah. Now subtract 5 from this number. So you have a new, new number.

And take this new, new number and correspond it to a letter in the alphabet. A is 1, B is 2, C is 3. And now take this letter in the alphabet and A is one, B is two, C is three. And now take this letter in the alphabet and think of a country that starts with that letter. Now, you got a country? Now think of the second letter of that country and think of an animal. And that's a preponderance.

There's no elephants in Denmark. I think I did it wrong. No. Yeah, no, no. Now, you, I don't know, your brain was, I could tell you were potentially doing what I asked

and then trying to see what would happen if I also would have done this. I would have done that. I would have done that. So that's a, I remember having my mind I went elephant and I said,

elephant is what everyone's going to say and then I went eel right after. So you're an eel in Denmark. It was Denmark. And my first thought with Denmark was, is Denmark a country? I forget. But then the next, it was elephant was first. Were you ostrich Dominican Republic?

I have no idea. You weren't even a dean. My brain is not working today. Paige was like, Maryland anteater. It was like Canada and anteater there's like Canada and like aunt eater yeah wow well

no but I totally I think you did it wrong you know but Denmark for sure Denmark for sure that's one of those things that I just Max Maven

who's a brilliant magician who passed away within the past year but he was a you know a mentalist you know

and I just love that bit I remember learning that as a kid I was like I could learning that as a kid. I was like, I could do that on a deserted island. Once. They're on to me. But yeah, there's one. Listeners, you can

steal that script and hopefully your hit rate will be better than mine was. Most people aren't as skeptical as me. No, I like that. Alright, so this has got to stop. This is our segment. Normally we have a music cue one day. We'll have them here. We don't have them here. We... Well the music cue's got to got to stop actually. That's why they're not here.

What's something that's got to stop? It could be magic, it can be personal, anything. Yeah I was thinking about this. Well how about this the like the pre's like the Zoom small talk? It's like, everyone knows why you're on a Zoom. We're here to discuss this thing. But there's the couple minutes of, even when everyone's there, yeah, how's every, okay, yeah, Halloween.

What are you guys gonna be for Halloween? I just like to, I like small talk sometimes in person, but man, it's cringey on Zoom. I wanna get right into it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's gotta stop. And then there's a feeling of like, if there's six boxes, it's like let's one box at a time. Everyone do their show-and-tell of what you're up to today.

Mm-hmm. And then every and then you're thinking like, I better say something good. And Zoom's not fun. It's like let's get this let's do what we need to do here so we can meet with people in fresh blood. This could have been an email. Yeah, exactly. All right. That's a good one. Just one or are we going around? Go ahead. I'd rather you do more.

I'm curious what you thought about if this has to stop. Cell phone towers that they try to make us think look like a tree. Like they are more distracting to me and more like, what the hell is that? Like in California, you know, there's palm tree ones and there's evergreen tree ones. But they don't either make them look more like a tree. But they're obviously cell phone towers. Not for anyone. I mean, I get it.

I haven't seen these yet because I'm in New York, but I'll be on the lookout now. Of course. Maybe I have seen them and I thought they were trees. Maybe. I'm sure there's some over Mulholland or over Laurel. I mean, are they, so they're brown and then green wires, or do they add a little fake leaf?

They do, I mean some of them they really must go all out because it looks like a giant palm tree, but then it looks like it's also, like it's made of metal and painted and it's got the cell, like the cell phone tower stuff doesn't change shape. They just put a tree on it. And you'd rather have it just be like,

that's a cell phone tower. I mean, or just get better at making them look like trees or something. I get it. It's ugly to look at a cell phone tower when you're driving up to Big Bear or something. So it's nice, a casual glance if it blends in. You know what?

Maybe I'm talking myself into it now. Maybe now I'm, is that what happens with this often? Yeah, I mean. You start to vent and then you're like. Or just make it look like a stat. Like, I get the thing of like, you're not fooling me. Either make it...

You could do some other decoration or make it look like a... But I understand what you're saying where it's like, okay. Yeah. We know what it is. It's something. I mean, either try or...

Either nail it or don't try at all. Paige, do you have a this has got to stop? This has got to stop. People have to stop treating public spaces like they're at home. And I mean this when somebody's at a movie theater and there's the reclining chairs

and then they bring a blanket in, they bring a whole meal in, they kick off their shoes, their stinky feet are sticking out. Bare feet? Bare feet, yeah. Is socks okay?'s like debatable let me tell you something i'm going on these airplanes i'm on airplanes a lot if i'm wearing

socks and sandals those sandals are coming off i'm on this plane for six hours i can't i feel like there's you know levels to this don't go back there you could you i can be the problem no but you're right if you have good hygiene sure you know if you're this. Don't back down. I can be the problem. No, but I mean, if you have good hygiene, sure. You know, if you're not stinking up the plane, by all means. Is this often movie theater? Like, you mentioned movie theater specifically. Like, I pick, right,

the fancy ones where everybody reclines. Yes, I'm an AMC Stubbs member, so I go to a lot of movies. And I think there's, I mean, between that and also just live shows where people, like, go to a lot of movies and I think there's I mean between that and also just live shows where people like go to comedy shows and it's just like either they're not having they're just like they're kind of like occupying space and like not really engaging with the show at all it's like you

could have just watched somebody's like stand-up material at home sure like that would have been a better experience for you okay but you're here and like making either the person on stage uncomfortable or making the other people around you uncomfortable by just simply like pretending like you're at home people put feet on the stage all really the time that's and i uh n White, a comedian in New York, he just goes, in the middle of a bed, get your feet off the stage. And I mean, Nico has like, he has the, he has the confidence of confrontation. He has no fear of confrontation. I can never do it. Especially on stage, I'm like, if I do that, the audience will go, what a dick. But Nico does it like, and I've heard him say it a hundred times,

get your feet off the stage, like so quick. And I bet he only has to say it once because I bet nobody else puts that foot on the stage. No one does. And he says it, he, Nico White has an ability to speak with a confidence. You go, yes, sir. And he's younger than me.

He's way younger than me. And you want to say, yes, sir, when he says something. All right, my list has got to stop. That was a good one. My list has got to stop. I changed banks, closed a bank account. This has got to stop. When I'm leaving your bank or I'm leaving your airline or something and I'm canceling an account and I have to do it over the phone,

which you made me do so that I would push it off so you could get your monthly fee for a couple more months. the phone which you made me do so that i would push it off so you could get your monthly fee for a couple more months and then when i leave and you have someone say we're sorry to see you go shut the fuck up this is you're not stop don't try because it works there is something in me that goes oh i hurt bank of america's feelings and it i i hate that you on the way out you made me feel some kind of shame. Fuck you, Bank of America. You did nothing to deserve my service. And on top of that, it's the inverse.

Thank you for your loyalty. You don't have my loyalty. I will leave the second something is more convenient. How dare you try to get in there, get into my heart. Thank you for your loyalty. Delta, I'll leave the second i feel like another airline goes to the place i need to go i'm not loyal to you i wonder if they have like a psychologist on staff who's writing the scripts for these cancellation oh yeah um scripts or you know oh yeah oh i know right i know it's the same way with the hold music they know that they could have no hold

music so i could listen to a podcast for the 30 minute wait. They keep it on. And the fact someone hasn't interceded, hasn't burned down all the buildings. I mean, this I don't know how it's going to change. I don't know it's going to change. But when they play that awful hold music and it loops every four seconds or eight seconds, and I can't like watch a TV show or listen to a podcast. Why wait for an hour, 15 minutes. I know why they're doing it. They contacted someone who ran fucking Abu grave, some fucked up shit. I know it.

That's where they go. They go from Abu grave to the bank of America call center. Fuck you guys. You know what I hate is when sometimes there's just a little skip in the, in the, in the whole music song. And you're like, Oh,

it was just, it just looped. And it's like either make it a flawless loop. It's on purpose. It's on purpose. It's on purpose. Finally,

you better count your blessing. We've had a good negative episode here. Justin, do you have a blessing, something you're thankful for? A blessing. I had to write one down.

Page deal one? Keep it in my head. Yeah. My mom, I'm very thankful for a blessing i had to write one down uh page deal one keep it in my head yeah um my mom i'm very thankful for my mom she just finished her uh treatments of chemo and radiation and now she's on antibody treatments for another i think six months or so so she handled the whole like cancer treatment process with such grace and resilience in a way that i hadn't seen her you know behave before or like you thought it was going to be like more like she was she was very like transparent throughout the whole process about like how she was feeling and just being more vulnerable and in a way that she hadn't revealed herself to me before um traditionally somebody who's very like guarded

and like i'm a i'm a tough person and yeah um you know really thick skin but this whole like as sad as it was or as scary as it was it was a whole thing that allowed me to be closer to her so and i'm obviously thankful that um all the treatments worked and that you know she's uh looking good so yeah that's so great that's a great one that's so great because the people deal with the opposite where it's like the that there's like an isolation where they're too proud or they don't want to yeah let you know they're scared and man you're lucky that's great yeah you know i'll let you know when i'm scared get ready for a phone call you know those inflatable things and used car lots i'm so grateful that those have escaped just the used car lots and now they're ubiquitous they make me

smile even outside of a dry cleaners at first i maybe felt a little like misled because it does seem like when you see that means there's a party going on. And then it turns out, oh, it's just a T-Mobile store opening, but they just make me happy, they're great. I want one. I don't know why I haven't bought one yet. I'm grateful for Amazon.com, who could probably get me one tomorrow. So maybe I will.

Are you gonna get a big one? Here's the problem, is that, no, I probably would get, oh, I would get a portable one, because that has to be a write-off for my act I had a little trial stage somehow yeah make a trick out I mean you must see things sometimes you're like ooh how do I make a trick out of it's all I'm doing all the time yeah yeah that's how my brain works what's the trick with that what's the thing that no one's ever done with that yo inflatable guy but then if it doesn't work out they say it's free

returns but you have to cover the shipping to get that big old piece of crap back to them and that often is a couple hundred bucks this has got to stop this has got to stop my blessing my beautiful sisters

I have four siblings but two live here Victoria and Katie we watched this show I talked first I got my sister she picked me up

from the airport I know I only have a couple of these left in each of them but she picked me up Katie the airport. I know I only have a couple of these left in each of them, but she picked me up. Katie, she's a dancer. She just toured with Carol G, and I got to catch up with her.

Then Victoria works at Celine, helped me go shopping for a photo shoot. So I got each of them individually. It was like a really perfect family day. I got each of them individually. We caught up, and then we all had dinner together and just looked at uncircumcised cocks. And they talked about getting a tattoo as a family.

They're my half siblings. And they're so, they're sometimes, because I'm the comedian, but I go like, oh, they're very funny too. And we all got whatever, I don't know how we got a sense of humor from my mom,

but we got something. And we're talking about a tattoo and Victoria said, got a sense of humor from my mom but we got something that and it and and we're talking about a tattoo and and victoria said what if we got one of my mom being eiffel towered by both our respective fathers and i laughed so hard at the idea of that tattoo and uh i love you very much katie and victoria uh victoria you're not listening to that and maybe they do i think they even listen to my podcast and that is a sign of love. This far into the podcast, you think they're still listening? That is love.

I think especially since they know it's the LA one, they're like, if it's not fucking me for those blessings. Airport pickup and clothes shopping. Yeah. So, Justin, where can people find you? Justin Willman is my name. And you look it up, you'll find me. Will Man. Justin Willman is my name and you look it up you'll find me Willman Justin Willman

people often think it's Williams now I know I'm sure people mess up your name a lot a lot John Marco recently messed up my name I mispronounced it for the last three years beginning of this episode is when I saw I heard both of your names pronounced correctly for the first time but when you've got

an easy name like me, this has got to stop. Quit mispronouncing it. So it's now, yeah, Justin Willman. Justin Willman. Yeah, I'm in a venting mood now. And I'm on tour.

Oh, yeah. Always, but especially now. This episode comes out November 7th. Are there any specific shows you want to plug? Yeah, I'll be in Salt Lake City this weekend,

or coming up shortly after when you're listening to this. Seattle, Salt Lake City, San Francisco, Scranton, I could go on, Red Bank. That's, your brain is clearly better than mine, the quickness with which you got the date. Well, my head goes to my iCal, so I see, you said November 7th,

and I'm thinking my iCal, okay, I've got three shows in a row, those are the S's, Seattle, Salt Lake, San Francisco, you said November 7th and I'm thinking of my iCal. Okay, I've got three shows in a row. Those are the S's. Seattle, Salt Lake, San Francisco. I remember that. And then I know

that I need to sell tickets in Scranton. A little short in Scranton. And then, yeah. And then a whole bunch next year. I want to see your show

very badly. So if I'm ever around, I will come and see your show. And then this new prank show is coming out soon. Yeah, when's that? When does that come out?

I don't know yet. We're still, it's been a long road. Magic Prank Show. Magic Prank Show. Love it. out. Yeah, when's that? When does that come out? I don't know yet. We're still, it's been a long road. Magic Prank Show. Magic Prank Show. Love it. Yeah. Paige,

everyone, I mean, people can see you. Paige doesn't want people to follow her on Instagram, but if you go to the Downside Pod, that is Paige running that.

Yes. And just so everyone knows, when the Downside Pod likes one of my comments, no, it's not me liking the comment from my alt account. It is a different person. Stop commenting that.

I am not patting myself. Yeah, there was some argument. I got in with someone and they're like, look at this loser liking his own comment from his alt account. That is Paige liking it. And Paige, I'd like you to comment underneath. This is not your Marco. This is Paige Asachika. And for me, you can find me fucking everywhere.

I'm on tour. Find my Instagram. But most importantly, join the Patreon. Patreon.com slash downside. Bonus episodes are live episodes. My special, the rats are in me. I am, oh my God, what do I, do I not have any shows this weekend, Paige?

Oh, this is, I was in Europe. I'm in Europe. So this is coming out. If you'm in Europe so this is coming out if you're in Amsterdam it's sold out you're in Paris it might not be sold out please don't give me bed bugs

and the weekend after that November 16th through the 19th I will be in Bridgeport Connecticut and November 24th and 25th in Washington D.C.

at the D.C. Comedy Loft Thanksgiving weekend check that out you know what you can do while you're in Paris what just get an artist to do that rendering of your mom getting Eiffel Towered. This is The Downside.

One, two, three. Downside. You're listening to The Downside. The Downside. With Gianmarco Cerezi. Hello. Good over. Welcome to The Downside.

We've had two, this is our second in a row without Russell. And I know that bumps people out sometimes, but he's a busy boy. But I figured, as a little treat, if he can't have Russell, then my beautiful girlfriend, Tova and I, we thought we said hi, because we had an experience. We had our third anniversary. This is what I wore to the anniversary. And now we're not together anymore. But I finally got my dream,

another podcast co-host. For five minutes. For five minutes. Okay, five minutes. No, no, not literally five minutes, but this makes it sound like we're doing a lot of good. What do you think inspired you to,

because you're not easy to get to do this, but I felt like you were like, yeah, let's do this. I had something to say. You had something to say. This has got to stop. Okay, yeah.

This is a grand, this has got to stop. Grand, this has got to stop. This should not have started. This should not have started. We, and I'll take full blame we no we we didn't plan our our okay you know you can take me you can take blame for not planning

we we we have a lot of things that we plan it's very tough life that we're going to lead i think i have a blessing as well okay good our blessing is that we are privileged enough to do whatever we want whenever we want it. Like we go to places, we travel, we eat at really nice restaurants, we do experiences. So when anniversaries come around, it's a problem because we are living the life.

We are what's called DINK, double income, no kids. I didn't know that. So we buy the fancy mustard, you know what I mean? We buy bags and bags of kimchi. Because normally other people and maybe some of our listeners, when you have an anniversary, you're like, well, finally we're going to get the kimchi today.

Exactly. And we're just like, that's a Monday. So it's a big hurdle. There's always a big stress to make it special. But the problem is I'm like the princess and the pea where I'm used to a lap of luxury. So how can you get more than that? Yes. So first I found some places, a full meal, what do they call it?

A multi-course meal. And the problem is, obviously, it's cilantro. And there's like eight things that you can't eat in there. Prefixed meals don't work for me. Sorry. And so you found something. It was called Le Petit Chef. Chef.

Le Petit Chef. And why did we think this would be good? Okay. Number one, we like experiences. And we like to have a little fun and a little like... We're getting stoned. We're doing a dinner like this. We're getting stoned.

We want to have like... We lean into like the theatrics of things, even if it's like silly. Yes. And this... The premise of Le Petit Chef is that it's like it how do we trick a bunch of people with money not explain this without feeling embarrassed that we'll explain okay so so what it looked like from the video it was like it looked like oh this is a nice meal but I don't know if it said like Michelin star. Yeah, like Michelin star cuisine, like high cuisine, like in the menu.

And part of it was there's like an animation to it. Now, what I thought it was was like holograms. I thought these were going to be special plates that somehow had the holograms that I've yet to see in real life where it's like a 3D chef and he makes a meal. It's all on the table, yeah. And here's the part I didn't even think more where I was like, as he makes the food, it appears. Yes. Almost like a magic trick.

You'd be like, look at that hologram. Oh my God, the tomato's here. That's the TikTok. But that's what the TikTok videos made you think where the little animation of the chef, he's like pulling carrots out of the garden. It's very cute. It's very like the little prince. Like, it's very sweet.

And that's the part where I'm like, well, we'd be into the theatrics. And he's pulling these things on, like in the animation, on the plate. And then in theory, then your dish is what the animation was him creating it. So it feels very cute. what the animation was him creating it. So it feels very cute. But to me, the kitsch of it only works if the experience is fine dining. Like, to me, it's like, this is, like, a reference for no one,

but, like, the Whitby Hotel. Like, it's a beautifully stunning hotel with, like, a kitschy vibe. But first and foremost, it's a five-star hotel. And I think that's you. And for me, I'm more like,

I'm fine with okay food, but the experience has got to be cool. And this delivered on neither of those areas. We were, this is like, our relationship is us trying to meet each other in the middle. And nine times out of 10, us meeting in the middle means no one,

no one, no one gets what they want and i was like joe marco wants that like he i would go to like wow a five course delicious meal but it would be boring for him he wants the activity yes and i go this food is disgusting or like i can see the cracks in the veneer of like this was so expensive i think that's the thing we have to talk about we we can't we can't we can't not say the number uh and believe me this is not coming from the patreon uh patreon.com slash downside we spent 580 dollars 580 dollars on this meal which is and we paid in we knew what it was going to be because it was a full course thing. We fixed meals so that we knew the cost. And it was one of those things

where as we took the cab to the place, we knew where it was. We knew it was at in Times Square. Well, I didn't. I just knew it was in Manhattan. And then as the cab brought us

through Times Square, I went, uh-oh. This is next to the M&M store. And in a Marriott hotel. In a Marriott hotel. And like, and like. So that's what I knew.

I knew we were duped before we got out of the Uber. Yeah. Which was to say, this is a tortoise trap. This is the top of the rock. This is the. It was next to the view where they... I don't even think it was... I think it was unrelated.

But it was... It was in a hotel. So we go up the elevators. There's a massive merit if you've never been. And the things that Tove was able to notice is just the decor. As you know from the decor behind us, it's not my expertise.

We walked in and you just clocked that it was like every floor of every conference, convention you've been on a corporate you know, the carpets are the swirly patterns and the furniture is that like light wood

that's like from the 80s. It wasn't a restaurant. It was a space that they added some shit to make it enough of a restaurant when you go to a wedding in a hotel and it's in one of the ballrooms of the hotel the carpet's still the carpet and you can tell you're in a hotel it was that and then there was a statue of there was a pink bike there that looked like it was a memorial for someone. It didn't make sense. And so you walked in. They had glasses of, like, pink wine, like, while you waited.

And there was a thousand empty chairs. But I noticed right away they had, like, six glasses of wine just sitting there. So it wasn't like a fresh glass of wine it was watered down uh boxed wine for sure boxed wine for sure and then they had like would you like a one thing i noticed during the wine one of the wines is like again i i know how this sounds but it was like clearly a twist off bottle of wine it was. I see, I don't even clock it. And I went, mm-hmm, yeah. You should have seen the way these waiters tried to sell this $16 wine.

We're just like, oh, this has hints of sugar. Yeah. Yeah. It was, anyways. So the first thing we see when we come in is the guy at the corporate check-in desk. And then one of the waiters or chefs had a plate of dumplings.

Cheap-looking dumplings. Cheap-looking dumplings that we never got. We never got. We never served. And she was rummaging through the front desk to find toothpicks, like where you find rubber bands and batteries. She was like, we were watching her

holding the plate rummaging through the desk to find toothpicks to put in the things and joe mark was like do that in the kitchen yeah because because the desk wasn't like the food prep desk it had like wet wipes and pens yeah and and they didn't give us a dumpling, but then they came up with cheese balls. Mozzarella. Arancini mozzarella balls. Don't put Italian on this. This is a... That's what they said.

And like the food, the spoon was kind of fancy. It was a weird looking spoon. Here's the thing. I knew in the Uber that we had been duped, but sometimes I think John Marco's like, but try and enjoy it. And so I was trying not to be a total bitch, but I couldn't help myself when we ate the arancini balls, and I go, and I felt bad. I almost held myself back because I wanted to be like,

I didn't want to ruin the night of like, we spent a lot of money, it's our anniversary, but I was like, this tastes like a Trader Joe's frozen ball. And immediately you were like. I had a thought, it's a Trader Joe's. It's Trader Joe's frozen ball. And immediately, you were like... I had a thought. It's a Trader Joe's. It's Trader Joe's level quality. Correct. So then they bring you in.

Which is delicious, but... Yes, it's delicious. If we were to break down what that ball cost, that was like a $30 cheese ball. So then you sit down. It's like the curtain separating you from the waiting area to the dining table is like... A shower curtain. It's a shower curtain.

And it's empty. And there's just plates, the regular plates. And there's just a projector... Over each table. Over each table. And you have to manually line up your plates so that the ring light is correct. You have to manually line up your plates so that the ring light is correct. And then before each meal, there's a little animation that is cool for three seconds.

And then it's just like watching a bad Pixar movie on a plate. That's the viewing experience. It's not particularly unique. They show him making the food. I think there would have been an opportunity to make a fucked up version of this. I think we have a business idea of doing this exact thing, but instead of him frying the meat on the grill, he's slaughtering the cow. We can make a dark version of this. Well, because I noticed that there was one where there was like a lobster that he that like tried to get away and he caught the lobster. Then the lobster died suddenly.

So you didn't have to see the murder of it. But then he like fucking opened the guts up, took a knife and cut it in half. But later and then you got some lobster. But then for the next course, there was some meat. And rather than showing the cow at any point, it just started with the steak. Steak on the grill. Well, first of all, the funniest part about all of this was the magic trick of Jean-Marco. So then you watch the animation of him making the food. And in theory, then you are served the food that he made. In theory, what it should have been is like the food's there until the plate comes in.

And there's a right away. So you go from image to food and you go, oh, cool. Like the waiter standing there with the plate comes in and there's there's there's a trend there's a right away so you go from image to food and you go oh like the waiter standing there with your plate and they set it down but they didn't have enough waiters for the table so the animation ends and you're like wow a salad a burrata salad that he created and then the plate goes back to white and then we sit there for probably three minutes the The magic is gone. Magic is gone. Watching them serve everyone else. And we're looking at our white empty plates.

And then they just serve us like a mediocre burrata salad. And there was one meal that Tova couldn't eat because she doesn't eat shellfish. And so they didn't have like another animation for people who can't eat shellfish. So there was a lobster risotto for the second course. So I got like a vegetable risotto. But instead of like changing the animation, I'm like watching this lobster. Full lobster animation.

Which by the way, if you don't like shellfish, you don't necessarily want to see a lobster on your plate. Yeah, it just was so funny because it's like, it's so much money. It's so much money. To have it not be customizable in any sense of the word. It was one of those where like the wine refills were free and I leaned in. But it was one of those where I had to ask three people each time before I actually got the refill.

And I know that's part of the code. They say, you know, wait a little longer. The food was also like, my fear was it was going to be like Margaritaville level. Like it's dressed up like it's expensive food. But the food was, again, I know I'm like being a bougie brat, but like the quality of the food was not. At a certain point, can we talk about like life? If you give an exchange, if you give money, a certain amount of money, you expect something in return. I think it's okay to say, hey, this return was strange.

The ROI. The ROI. There are people who I think for this, this is like 60th anniversary and they get scammed. So part of us, we're just unearthing a scam. Yes, because I think that... Your friend Jenny, though, Jenny said said oh my god you went jenny text chad said you went to le petit chef really yeah and i was like jenny don't go to this and she was like she like wouldn't believe me the tiktoks make it look hot i thought the fine dining

with the the quirk that was the the lead-in do you think maybe this makes you question the amount of information that you take from tiktok that may be basing your reality on tiktoks as you do might be a faulty source of information i think i have a yeah but i think i'm good at smelling this stuff out a little bit most of the time so you smelled it after the second course. We said, oh. So, the funniest part, though, was these animations were pretty weak. Like, this was like bad Looney Tunes. Like, in terms of the kind of slapstick this chef keeps setting himself on fire. Clumsy little chef.

The other tables were fucking dying. They were laughing so good. The chef, he slips off the ice into the water. He was like wobbling and they were like, oh, oh, oh, oh. And you know what else was bizarre about that? Because I do think like the same way if you had a kid and you brought your kid to new york city and you wanted them to have a tourist adventure that's new york city this fits that bill this is going to the american girl cafe this is taking them to a broadway like wicked but it was shocking how few

children there were to me it's like this is a cool, like, not 60th anniversary, 10-year-old, a rich 10-year-old's birthday. A rich 10-year-old. Because even if you have, like, some money, you're not going to take your 10-year-old to the $500 meal where he can't even get the free wine. If you were going to take them to a $500 meal, you would rather have less good quality food and this than take your 10-year-old to Nobu. Yes. And so there is a market for this. It's rich 10-year-olds. It's the same way we went to the Russian tea room

and we saw a table of girls in little rich kiddie uniforms having afternoon tea together. And I'm like, those are the richest little girls I've ever seen. It's for them. We were duped. So I think we've decided our next anniversary, I've ever seen. It's for them. We were duped. So, I think we've decided our next anniversary, we're going to do Empire State Building, maybe.

Maybe Lion King Rush tickets. But that's our review. And if you want to make a reservation for a La Petite Chef, visit lapetitchef.com. Use code DOWNSIDE for discounted reservations. But I really do believe.

The problem is it's only fun to make these when it's bad. Yeah. But I feel like we can get free meals out of this. We've gotten one free meal. How are we going to get free meals out of eviscerating? Okay, we got one free meal at that fish place once way back in the day. We've gotten one free meal. How are we going to get free meals out of eviscerating? We got one free meal at that fish place once way back in the day. You remember that one? We got free

earrings once. And that's all we've gotten. Someone recently offered me. I've gotten really good at knowing that for anniversary, Tova doesn't want a funny gift. And there was someone who said would you like to sponsor this thing called Fart Guard on the podcast?

It's like a special kind of... What does that mean? It's like a special kind of shorts that are good for holding in farts. That was your anniversary idea? No, I know what I'm saying. I have a smart enough brain that I said, don't get Fart Guard, even as like a joke with a good gift. That's not a smart enough brain.

That's not like points for you. You held yourself back from that. I think there's a lot of... I know Tova so well. I know her so well that she wouldn't want the fart underwear for her. I think there's a lot of guys that think that the funny thing, that the funniness of the gift is going to be like enough. And I know that

I could never get a gift funny enough to overpower Le Petit Chef. So I do think we're going to get free meals out of this. If you have an interactive restaurant, please tell us to go. We will check it out. We'll give

it a review. Honestly, I think some people will check it out just to see if we were right if it was fun so find us we're Tovarco if you if you give us a free meal

we won't say anything bad this is the upside is that legal? is it? you're the one who knows I'll call my lawyer yeah tell Tova that you

you love this write messages to me because I'll get Tova to do more no I'll call my lawyer Yeah Tell Tova that you love this Write messages to me Because I'll get Tova to do more No I'll get Tova to do more Okay Pete Holmes does a weekly episode With his wife?

This is The Downside Does he? Yeah Really? It's called We Made It Weird I'm listening to that You're listening to The Downside The Downside

With Gianmarco Ceresi