The Downside with Gianmarco Soresi - #168 You Probably Have Me Blocked with Meecham Whitson Meriweather

Episode Date: November 14, 2023

Writer Meecham Whitson Meriweather joins us to share the downsides of majoring in architecture, why children should not do standup comedy, and what he doesn’t like about theater kids. We also discuss how curtains are a gateway to exploring your sexuality, getting flack on Twitter for satirical tweets, and being robbed at gunpoint outside of a Kesha concert. We also learn that Russell's preferred role at an orgy is in the corner wearing a mask and Gianmarco shares why countries should not have their own Twitter accounts. You can watch full video of this episode HERE! Join the Patreon for ad-free episodes, exclusive content, and MORE. Follow Meecham on Instagram, TikTok, & Twitter Subscribe to Meecham's newsletter, Now That I Mention It, at https://meechammeriweather.substack.com/ Follow The Downside with Gianmarco Soresi on Instagram Get tickets to our live podcast recording in NYC on December 4 here: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/700533383207 Follow Gianmarco Soresi on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, & YouTube Subscribe to Gianmarco Soresi's email & texting lists Check out Gianmarco Soresi's bi-monthly show in NYC Get tickets to see Gianmarco Soresi in a city near you Watch Gianmarco Soresi's special "Shelf Life" on Amazon Follow Russell Daniels on Twitter & Instagram E-mail the show at [e-mail] Produced by Paige Asachika & Gianmarco Soresi Video edited by Dave Columbo Special Thanks Tovah Silbermann Original music by Douglas Goodhart Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Kick off an exciting football season with BetMGM, an official sportsbook partner of the National Football League. Yard after yard, down after down, the sportsbook born in Vegas gives you the chance to take action to the end zone and celebrate every highlight reel play. And as an official sportsbook partner of the NFL, BetMGM is the best place to fuel your football fandom on every game day. With a variety of exciting features, BetMGM offers you plenty of seamless ways to jump straight onto the gridiron and to embrace peak sports action. Ready for another season of gridiron glory? What are you waiting for? Get off the bench, into the huddle, and head for the end zone all season long.

Visit BetMGM.com for terms and conditions. Must be 19 years of age or older. Ontario only. Please gamble responsibly. Gambling problem? For free assistance, call the Conax Ontario helpline at 1-866-531-2600. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. Welcome to the downside. My name is Jim Argosarezi. I am here with my co-host. Thank God. It's been a while. There's been two episodes without you. Has it? Yeah, because I did one in L.A. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

And we missed you. Wait, I had a question for you. Do you think, have I, if you noticed, have I been better about talking to you, communicating? Because I feel like I've been trying to be uh-huh i think so okay now tell me why why are you why are you trying is it like are you feeling lonely uh no no no nothing about me i i wanted to i just you know this is last time i saw you i cried is that what it is yeah so i wanted to be but also, you know, it comes up a lot We have very different communicating styles So I've been trying to be better No, you've been great

It feels like I've been trying And then sometimes I'm doing it and I don't even know It doesn't even feel like I'm trying That's very nice I think it's very cute Just having said that, I'm ignoring everyone else in my life I'm not communicating with anyone else All my other friends That's what I say to Tove When Tove wants more time, I'm ignoring everyone else in my life I'm not communicating with anyone else All my other friends

That's what I say to Tove When Tove wants more time I'm like I don't spend time with anyone You're it You're it Well I appreciate it Sometimes you call me

When you're having Because now you're like You're very busy with like Showbiz stuff Yeah And sometimes you'll call me Just to like Something happened

And you want to share it And that feels very sweet. Yeah. And that's very nice. We are here. Sorry, I just wanted to make sure. With our guest.

Let me make sure because I only know you on Twitter. You want me to just say your full name? I want to say your full name. Meacham Whitson Merriweather. Perfect. That's a beautiful name.

But on Twitter, I just always see you as Meach in my head. I was like, I share. Do you see what Meech said? Oh my god Can you believe Meech had that opinion? Meech, I appreciate

You haven't done a lot of podcasts I've done, no, I usually don't I have like podcast PTSD since the pandemic Which is really insane But no, I did another podcast Recently called Articles of Interest So that was that But no, I did another podcast recently called Articles of Interest. So that was that.

But no, no, I'm an impersonal kind of guy. Did something happen during, like, you just did too many during COVID? No. You know what's so funny? It's not even me doing them. It's me, like, listening to them. Oh. I like to be in a conversation, not just, like, kind of observe it.

Sure. Yeah. It's like, oh, okay, everyone is talking, but I can't say anything. What the fuck is that about? That must be what's wrong with our listenership. Everyone has PTSD from the pandemic. But guys, give it a chance. People were saying that to me before I came.

They were like, you know, I'm going to listen just for you. It's fine. But no. But I'm glad to be here. Well, this is a place where I'm trying to get better at these intros. We complain. We bitch. That's why I was so excited to have you. Thank you. I'm glad to be here. Well, this is a place where I'm trying to get better at these intros. We complain. We bitch.

That's why I was so excited to have you. Thank you. Because I feel like we're friends. I'm a pro. Partly on Twitter, we share enough opinions that we don't hate each other. It's true. You, me, and Jay. Jay Jordan.

Yeah. Very good throuple. Yes, yes, yes. He's married, but it's a white guy, so it doesn't matter. Yes. But you've never met Jay. One day you'll meet Jay. Have you ever...

Jay goes to a lot of, I think, a lot of orgies. Have you ever met someone for the first time at an orgy or you're not an orgy? I am not. I'm not an orgy orgy. I am kind of... You would not expect this from me, by the way, I talk on Twitter, but I am sort of a prude. I'm like a

long relationship kind of person. Oh, yes? Yeah. So, like, I'm a talk on Twitter, but I am sort of a prude. I'm like a long relationship kind of person. Oh, yes. Yeah. So like I'm a closed, you know, I close my legs to married men. All right. All right. I also think it's just I like to be you would not expect this also from me. I like to be the center of attention.

And so being an orgy, it's like too much is going on. I need this to be like a one manman show where I'm like doing things, and then I bring someone up from the audience, and then I do something to them, and then we just go. And that's me. I can't do like a whole lot of shit going on. What kind of behavior do you think you're exhibiting at an orgy? Me?

Yeah. Definitely a corner guy in the corner. Like the corner meme, they don't know that I'm. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just kind of like waiting, waiting in the corner. Like the corner meme, they don't know that I'm... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just kind of like waiting, waiting in the corner. What about you? I see you darting a lot. You're starting a lot. You're not picking fights. Going down a little here.

Yeah, you need to sample. Kind of like a scavenger. I feel like you have a lot of questions. The only way I could see it being enjoyable is if I'm the... if I feel that I'm the best looking one at the orgy. Because I just feel like if you're not, I just feel like social parties are hard enough as it is. I go over to a conversation.

It doesn't feel like they're letting me in. I can't imagine with my dick out. I don't. See, that's the thing also. Because even if you are the best looking one, someone's going to have a bigger dick. Someone's going to have a fatter ass. Something's going to be incredible on someone else. So you really just have to go in there knowing that you are the shit.

Or even if you have to lie to yourself, just say, I'm the shit and I'm coming in here. Drugs. I got it. Here's the one. I'm high. I'm 100% high for this orgy. If you're sober at an orgy, you're fucking up already. Yeah.

So I will say. But, you know, I think, yeah, you just have to go in there a little bit high, a little bit drunk. Not a lot drunk. A little bit drunk. Very horny. Masks would help, too. You know, like. You want a mask?

Eyes wide shut. Don't you think that I feel like that would. I could at least take myself out of it a little bit if I had a mask. How big a mask? Because eyes wide shut was like. They were like big wooden like. Yeah. You want a full clown mask? least take myself out of it a little bit if i had a mask how but how big a mask because i just went shut was like they were like big wooden like yeah you want a full clown mask would you be in a character stork mask yeah yeah well there are some thoughts from three guys who have never been you know what this is the beginning of being an orgy. It's going to happen.

You're listening to The Downside. The Downside. With Gianmarco Cerezi. If you're a fan, join the Patreon, patreon.com slash downside. I have some very sad news. I found out we got all these new Patreon subscribers, and I was like, hey, here we go. And it turns out Patreon added

an option where you could become a patron for free and you don't get access to anything oh my god you don't get access to anything these were but you're you're a patron i don't know if you get to see what you're missing out on but but i just there was this huge bump and i was like all right here we go a little bit what yeah it's a beeping time yeah yeah i well my hope is that it lets you see it so you're enticed to join. I imagine they did it so that people who have six patrons can now have 23. And it doesn't look as pathetic as a number. Yeah.

But please join the Patreon. Patreon.com slash downside. We have so many people in Chicago who are downsiders. In Milwaukee who are downsiders. Listen. That's where I went to college. Did you know that? Really? Yeah. Where? UWM.com. We have so many people in Chicago who are Downsiders. In Milwaukee who are Downsiders. Listen. That's where I went to college. Did you know that? Really? Yeah. Where? UWM. Milwaukee. Did you like it? It was interesting. I had a good time.

It was a very white crowd. I'll tell you that. And they said Sunday crowds, it's pale. Not even Jews. No. There's a lot of polish people a lot of germans german people there sure uh so not a lot of jewish people now although i like so i would you study architecture actually wow yeah i know you would like this guy is so beautiful he does not have

a brain but it's actually not true you were saying that before you got here yeah it's true everyone says uh no i studied architecture before I went over to communications, and I've always been a writer, but I loved architecture for so long. And thankfully, I did not stick with that because the housing market crisis happened. And then everyone was graduating, and all my friends were unemployed. And I was like, actually, I have a job. Did you like architecture? It's very competitive. No. So, yeah, my school, you have to reapply every single year architect it's very competitive yeah no so yeah my school you had to reapply every single year it's very competitive i was great i had no issues but it came down to

being like okay what am i going to do with this i'm not going to do residential i'm not going to do commercial and you really don't get a chance to do anything until you're like fucking 40 of your own projects you know something like big that you can say hey i did that not like oh i worked on this bridge that 75 other people worked on you know i mean so it's not it's not very exciting i don't feel so stressed about building something that collapses yeah and i feel like wasn't there at some point in some goes back to you being at the orgy you have to believe in your erections. Yeah. You know, it's very important. Yeah.

Yeah. If you don't, I mean. I also feel like it doesn't feel like, it feels like there's like seven or eight kind of architects that then everyone copies or something. How many architects do you know? No. I'll go. Gowdy. That's it.

No, the guy that made the house is Frank Lloyd Wright, right? Frank Lloyd Wright. Yeah, exactly. Big one. Jersey boys. Gowdy. That's it. The guy that made the house is Frank Lloyd Wright. Frank Lloyd Wright. Big one. He makes the houses. Frank Lloyd Young. I don't know who the fuck you're talking about. You said Chicago. He has lots of houses.

He's very Midwest. Do you want to know something insane about Frank Lloyd Wright? Yes. His groundskeeper murdered his wife And set the house on fire It was a very intense Cheating, murdering Arson scandal

Were they fucking? Not Frank Lloyd Wright and his wife But I think it was The groundskeeper's wife and Frank Lloyd Wright He was a philanderer So then his housekeeper killed his wife. Yes. She didn't have anything to do with this.

I think it was also like a kid, too. That he wouldn't leave his wife for her. Yes. And then so they set the house ablaze. It was insane. Oh, my God. Architecture is fun, I guess. Wow.

Well, before we get too deep into it, there's something I saw on Twitter the other day. There's this company in L.A. where they have kids do stand-up comedy. Oh, yeah. They have these little kids. It's like it's classes. And I'm sure it's like parents who are abusing their kids so they can be a star of a Nickelodeon and become the next Ariana Grande. They posted this one that the comments

were very brutal too. I guess I want to play this kid who I won't name and then we can decide if the comments are appropriate because I have some thoughts about it. I saw some of the clips from the thing. There was one kid that made me laugh. Hi, I'm a person of color.

I'm nine years old, and I'm in love. You're probably thinking, are you even old enough to know what love is? I already know about the birds and the bees, so I definitely know what love is. Thank you very much, lady in the front row. It all started on my trip to my grandparents in Florida. I flew unaccompanied minor, which meant I had to sit in the back of the plane the entire flight with the flight attendant. Score, because she was hot.

And I'm not trying to brag, but your boy has game. Halfway through the flight, the flight attendant, Heather, and I were sending selfies to my mom. Cha-ching, cha-ching, cha-ching. She was telling me her life story. I was telling her mine. I mean, she even brought me all the pretzels i was in love but at the end of the flight when i asked her to ice cream she said i'm too young for her that was my first heartbreak. Flight 347. I'll never forget you, Heather. Gut thoughts.

Gut thoughts right away. Gut thoughts. I would pay a lot of money to keep everything the same. Audience, that. money to throw tomatoes everything the same audience that and then at the end of that you have to judge him and give him feedback you okay you personally so we're we're marco we're the judges okay uh and they say okay this is the feedback this is like the industry feedback i go um i go i go kid you don't know it yet but you're being abused by your parents.

Everything you said is like a projection of what they think you should be feeling. I mean, an adult told him to say all these things. Yeah, an adult told you. Weird dad, 100%. Who definitely cheats on his mom while she's at Pilates. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely. Yeah.

This is such a classic example of... Weird dad, 100%. Who definitely cheats on his mom while she's at Pilates. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. This is such a classic example of heteronormativity where it's like. Ooh, big word for you. Yeah. I thought about it. And where it's this degree of like, if it was a little kid, he looked eight or nine years old. And it was like, I had this flight attendant and he he had a big, fat cock in those tight Delta pants. And it was my first, oh, my God, he gave me so many pretzels, and I wanted to put him in a pretzel. So I'm sitting back there with Bruce.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That people would lose their goddamn motherfucking minds. Absolutely, absolutely. And I don't know. So this company, they post these kids doing it, and it obviously gets torn apart. And this got especially torn apart because it has this air of just like, it's just like this poor flight attendant is some kid is sexualizing her.

And some of the comments that this person and someone collected them for this tweet, but I thought they were apropos, said, I was already having a bad day. Now I want to kill myself. Oh, no. Praying on your downfall isn't enough. I will make sure you don't succeed. Oh, well.

Wishing your next flight gets the 9-11 treatment. Oh, my God. I fucking loathe you. We can tell he had all the pretzels. He was the worst. Listen, I think 90% is his parents' fault. That kid is just trying to do something. If the jokes were better, he might have delivered.

I don't know. I hated his voice when he came on, and I feel like that's not fair if you don't hate someone's voice. But when he did the lady in the front row, I was like, okay, maybe he's going somewhere. Maybe he's got some – he's a crowd worker, even though that's roundup on in your industry. I know. I won't go into it. But I was like, okay, maybe he's doing something.

But then it was basically his dad just, like, puppeteering him after that. It was very obvious. I think it's for me it's you i mean his voice is a little annoying but it's the i don't know if i'm and i went to the and i was in love so yeah yeah if you had to do stand at that age what do you think your stand-up would have been about oh god i don't know like it's really i mean i don't remember having thoughts at that age like really i mean i remember having thoughts but i don't remember having thoughts at that age. Really? I mean, I remember having thoughts, but I don't remember what would have... I don't know. I was into Chris Farley at that age, so I'm sure it would have been self-deprecating.

I'm sure it would have been like... You would have tripped and fallen. Yes, on the way to the microphone or something like that. You would have taken a snack break and stuff like eight Twinkies in your mouth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fake to heart attack. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fake to heart attack, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

So it would have been a ripoff of that probably. How about you? Yeah, I would have probably done – I would probably done when I – it depends what age. What is eight, nine? What grade is that? It's like third grade, fourth grade. Fifth grade? It depends if you were like – I don't want to bring up gifted studies, but I think it

really kind of depends on that. But I think when you're 10, you're in fifth grade, and you're nine, fourth up gifted you know studies but i think it really kind of depends on that but i think when you're 10 you're in fifth grade and you're nine fourth grade you know as numbers go i think it affects me because that's i wish i had been i wish i had parents who had pushed me into showbiz i hear all you want your parents to make making you do stand-up not necessarily stand-up but i'm jealous i want to come out of your shell earlier. I think I would have loved to be in a Disney TV show. Okay. And I don't know. I think it would have been fun.

I would have had a good time with it. But you're also like musical theater. So that's like, it's one of those things. Did you read that book, I'm Glad My Mom Is Dead? Yeah, of course. I love that. Yeah, I read that and I was like, oh, I wish I had that mom. Yeah.

If you could switch one day with her and just get abused and be like, you're too skinny or you're not skinny enough. That for you, I think, would have been. My mom gave me that, but without like the showbiz part. No showbiz rewards. It was just real shitty about your body. Well, there you go. I gave you that book. Yeah.

No, multiple people. I haven't read it yet. I need to read it. You don't read. I don't read a lot. I read on vacation. Really? Yeah. Did you just come back on vacation? No. I haven't read it yet. I need to read it still. You don't read. I don't read a lot. I read on vacation. Really? Yeah.

Can you just come back? Vacation? No, I didn't. What did you ask me? What was the last book you read? I read, wait, hold on. When was I on vacation? I'm trying to think.

I read something in Hawaii. 2021. I read something in April. Yeah? I can't remember what. April? Hey. Bad. I'm not good, but you make me feel good. I read something in April Yeah I don't remember what April Hey Bad You know

I'm not good But you make me feel But I listen I listen to music Like if I'm traveling I can't read on the subway I listen to music And then

Outside of that Like I'm like I you know I have two full time jobs Right now And then this podcast And then a sketch group The thing that this podcast

Gets blamed for It's once a week Once a week I have to travel an hour here. And I'm here for an hour and a half. Read a book on the train. You're a very demanding person. I did read a goddamn book on the train today. Because you had me doing homework.

I was doing homework for the next podcast. It's for the future. Jesse David Fox is our next guest. And we had to read a fucking book. Whole fucking book for a fucking. Can't wait to have you, buddy. All right. Well, were you a theater kid absolutely not i theater kids you bully i i here's the thing i've always like been like very funny very outgoing very just like can't shut the fuck up but i don't think i

ever yearned for it it just came naturally to me and so you guys were like the ones who like wanted to be Annie and just on the stage and I was like fucking god damn it we're in Annie he got you that was yeah see yeah I don't know I just I never and I like musicals I really do I just like don't like the people who do that you That's fair. Thanks for coming on. I only came... I came because I thought I was going to come, but that's a different story. Oh!

There you go. Hey, who knows? So you grew up in Milwaukee? Where'd you grow up? No, I feel like grow up is like... I've kind of lived everywhere. I fucking lived in Milwaukee and Chicago, Australia. Were you born?

I was born in Tennessee, actually. Wait, Australia? You lived in Australia? Yeah, fucking lived in Milwaukee, Chicago, Australia. Were you born? I was born in Tennessee, actually. Wait, Australia? You lived in Australia? Yeah, I lived in Australia for a few years, like three years. What were you doing there? I followed someone there.

That was weird. I went there with my mom the first time and then I knew the lay of the land and then I went back after I graduated college. You met met for following a guy yeah a footy player I was like what play a football player football player you mean I wasn't like sock soccer rugby rugby rugby rugby yeah do they do football there? Football? Yeah, it's like NRL. We got it.

Just change it. In America. Yeah, all one thing. No, they do, but it's like you have AFL, NRL. So there's all like Australian rules football, National Rugby League. So it's all kind of like same things with weird shaped balls. You know? Now, rugby is like danger.

Is it like football? Yeah. It's like football a little bit out of the pads. Yeah, yeah. it's like football yeah yeah kind of pads so I mean are they are they you know football like not everyone's like not everyone's hot in football is rugby like everyone's hot everyone has really thick thighs but then also like fat asses but then also everyone's very big like everyone's like six five 6'10". Those are like very big guys. Did you have to go to a lot of rugby matches when you were? No, I was like, I'm home.

Which is really funny. How often do they do it? Is it like basketball or is it like football once a week? I have been to three rugby games in my life. I don't plan on ever going back. So I couldn't tell you how often it was. But it was very boring. It's a lot happening

because there's a lot of fans there as well. So it feels like you're in a musical because there's lots of things going on, but you're not. I think about Taylor Swift at these football games. And I go like, Oh my God. The reason I can't be fully PR is I could not.

I don't care if I had the best seats in the house. I couldn't watch just a football game every week. A full football game. No. See, that's where I disagree with you about it being fully PR. Because she's done this already multiple times with, like, Tom Hiddleston. And, like, no one. They did the pap walk so often.

The only thing that's different with Travis Kelsey is he also likes attention. Because all the other guys, none of them want to do what they just want to cower. Joe Alwyn, nobody cares about that. I think it's amazing how Travis Kelsey, I don't know a lot about this guy, but he really seems to perform. He does commercials. And I'm just surprised he's able to do all that

and still be a great athlete. I just feel like to be a great athlete, you'd be like, I can't do the third Pfizer commercial shoot. I guess he's making his money right now. Maybe they filmed it out of the season. I don't know. Sure, but it just seems like he's doing a lot. He's doing

a lot of performing. SNL. Because he likes attention. But any athlete who hosts SNL is not going to be grateful. We have to figure out this guy's Zodiac sign. What did you say? We can figure it out and then it'll give you to figure out this guy's Zodiac sign. What did you say? Yeah. We can figure it out. And then it'll give you all the evidence.

He hates Zodiac stuff. See, you know. Listen, I'm open to it. No, you're not. No, but I don't mind. I got you a thing. Where is it? Why did you hang it up?

I got you a blanket. No, I'm not. By the way, guys, when you join the Patreon, we are going to be decorating this back wall soon with Russell's. I've started to pay attention to decor. Okay. The new change. Because I want to put things on the wall.

And I'm like, ooh, a shelf could go there. Yeah. I'm getting. I'm gradually adjusting. See, this is. I love that you're opening your mind to things. Especially possibly bisexuality. Because it would be good for you to get something up there.

You'll figure it out. And you'll be like, wow. Now I put a shelf up here. Maybe a curtain. Right now the. You think you'll be like, wow, now I put a shelf up here, maybe a curtain. Who knows what else? You think you'll go shelf, curtain, cock? Yes! That's a natural progression.

Yeah. Listen, theoretically, very much, I think I shouldn't die before I'd given it a go. Honestly, I don't think I would be able to get it up, if I'm being honest.

Yeah. Even if I, and I could totally see, and it's some different part of my life, just going like, come on. And I'd say it to myself. What doesn't happen like that? Come on. It doesn't happen like that.

Come on. Wait. I'd have to be, listen, I'd have to be, I'd have to be very high, because I get a little, when I'm high, like, I'd have to be very high because I get a little when I'm high. I'd have to be high. I'd have to be drunk. Because there's things. Okay, so I had this hair cutter once way back in the day.

A hair cutter? A barber? A barber. And I remember he was extremely flirtatious. Wait, how old were you at this time? I feel like this is high school into college. I would go to New York probably once every summer, and I would visit this barber.

And it was a gay man who was very flirtatious. And I wouldn't go so far as to say I was really into it, but it was interesting to me. Yes. You liked the attention. I liked the into it, but it was interesting to me. Yes. You liked the attention. I liked the attention. You're a real Travis Kelly. It was funny.

It was fun to me for it to be like, you're so beautiful. And I'd be like, I'm in New York. Yeah. Wow. The New York experience. I so remember the third or fourth time where it was too much. And something about me felt... I don't want to use the word uncomfortable.

But he would blow the hair out of my ears. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You liked it when it was a delicate game. Yes. Delicate game. Shrouding the fence. For me, it's like when the wall of, oh, I think I'm just not into men. It's like when I smell the breath, the badness of the breath overrides the being turned on.

I think everyone's gross. Here's my theory. People are gross in general. And then if you're really attracted to someone, it overrides the grossness. And that's why when I'm high, it overrides it even more. But like, and then some people, they seem to have a lower grossed out by human beings. And mine's high. So I just, and I wouldn't want to put, if I ever tried it, the guy would have to be like really, it wouldn't be like a hookup.

They'd have to know the situation. I might back out of this. It feels like you're propositioning me. You're like, it'd have to be a deep, deep friend that is better at communications recently. I'd have to be so comfortable with this person to tell them no at the very last minute. What I will say is there is a film called The D-Train

with Jack Black and James Marsden I've weirdly heard of this movie but I've not seen it so this isn't like he's like oh yeah this gay softcore I'll give you the I'll give you the rundown so basically James Marsden used to be like super fucking cool in high school and Jack Black is this like funky who was never friends with this guy but always looked up to him james marston gets famous and jack black's whole point throughout the movie is to get james marston back for the high school reunion so he finally gets jack black or he finally gives james marston back and they go out for a crazy night uh and the next day is the

reunion but they go out for the crazy night they come back it's pitch black in the apartment and they're like giggling and laughing and jack black goes to sit down and james marston's like come here and and jack black's like what like literally like that like what he's like come here and so jack black gets up james marston's against the wall and he pulls jack blacks into him and like fucking full-on like insane makeout session cut to they're waking up in the bed the next morning jack black gets up or james marston gets up like goes to make coffee and jack black Black's just in the fetal position sitting there and does a flashback of James Marsden just going to fucking town. And it's the funniest thing that you've ever seen.

It really is hilarious. So Jack Black wasn't. Right. It was James Marsden. He just went for it. Yeah, exactly. And that's how it happened. And in the flashback, he just can ram?

Rail. I mean, railed. Oh, my God. Insanely railed. That god insanely railed that's like the premise of the movie so then what happens with their like relationship after that they i mean he goes i actually don't remember much after that but they are they glad that they tried it like is that a big point of the movie or is it just like something that happens and it's like it's a big point in the movie because the whole time james marston is the one being chased yeah

and so jack black like finally gets a taste. You know what I mean? And he's like, oh, shit. Like, I got, like, devoured. Wow. So it's, I mean, it's a very funny movie. It's hilarious. And I love James Marsden because he, like, takes, you know, chances like that. Even with, you know, sex drive.

It's funny. But I think it's pretty uncomfortable now. No, not at all. I think, but this is how, if it happened, I think that's how it would happen. That's how it has to happen. Let me ask this. Very quick. Because I am...

Way back, maybe like two years ago, I got an audition offer, and it was like... It wasn't just that it was a gay guy. It was that they wanted a very flamboyant gay guy. And not that I was going to get it by any stretch of the imagination, but I turned it down and the team...

Because it certainly felt... I certainly think the culture changed a little bit. it by any stretch of the imagination but I turned it down and the team because it certainly felt I certainly think the culture this changed a little bit yeah like I saw that very funny thing who's that guy I'm from Glee who said I'm never gonna play another gay role again and Chris Aaron Chris and someone made the tweet like he said I'm never gonna take a role a gay role from a gay man again it was like and then we never saw him. That was his whole thing. So let me ask, since you're hot on the takes on Twitter, if I played a role

of just of a bi man, knowing that we've talked now and I think I've established myself as... You know a bi person. Do you think is that... I think you'd be fine if you didn, do you think, is that? I think you'd be fine if you didn't like camp it up.

If you, you. Well, you know it's a fine line. Because, because first of all, I am flamboyant. Exactly, exactly. I stand like this. Just be you. And then somebody will be like, whoa, he did the wrist. No.

I do the wrist. My dad did the wrist. Yeah, just be you. Like, don't add a lisp. Don't like, girlfriend. Like, you don't have to do all that stuff. Just like, be who you are. Because you're already fucking flamboyant. Also, bisexual men come in all shapes and sizes.

Mostly hot, but all shapes and sizes. So it's one of those things. I think people who do good, if we're going to give a list of people who've done gay well, I think we have people like... Now I'm blanking. Because I feel like, who's done it well? I know it would be in my head. If I had a scene...

First time I've acted in so long, I feel like I would be so stressed to kiss anyone in a scene right now. I don't even know. Okay, but if you could, who, ideally, who would you choose to be your girlfriend? Yeah, who would you kiss? I don't know. Just to be clear, my girlfriend is off the table.

Because it obviously would be her. Yes, obviously. 100%. You're saying any actor? No, a male actor. A male actor. A male actor in this movie. Like, so, okay.

So, a guy that I think, like, I'd be like, oh, it just, hmm, that is. Or should I just, I just name some people? Well, it depends on the dynamic of the relationship. If it was Chris Pine, I think I'd be so nervous. Yeah. I think it would have to be like him. I'd want it to be a really famous old actor. Like Ian McKellen.

No, yeah, famous, well-regarded, just for the cloud of it. Do you know what I mean? I'd want to be like, I made out with Ian McKellen. Do you know what I mean? That would be incredible. Yeah. Okay, now add in a third, a female. Triple kiss.

Like a lima date? Like, yes. I love it. That's the game. I love it. Oh, my God. I forgot about that show. A lima date. A lima date. I referenced it all the time. Oh, my God. That's a Daya thing. Oh, yeah, yeah, yes. I love it. That's the game. I love it. Oh, my God. I forgot about that show. Eliminate.

Eliminate. Oh, I was thinking that Zendaya thing. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Her name is Zendaya. Oh, Zendaya. Forgive me. Zendaya. She's sitting on the bench. Oh, yes.

Challengers. The tennis. What's his face? So for the Patreon, if we get enough patrons, we're going to recreate that scene with me, Russell, and one woman. No, for me, I can't say. Who would it be for you? You're by, though.

Yes. So this is easier for you to come up with this game. You have to do a three-way love-making scene, one man, one woman. I think the man would be Tom Hardy, and then the woman would be probably either Nicole Beharie or Rosamund Pike very strange

I feel like you had those so ready to go so I think when I watch things I'm like okay does this person have chemistry or are they just like super fucking awkward because if you watched, I know no one fucking did but scenes from a marriage it was that thing with Oscar Isaac and

Justin Chastain it was real fucking weird he got his little willy out in that and there was a scene with Nicole Behar and she was like fucking just took over the scene and it was insane you never saw her again and I was like but she's so intense and I'm like if I'm gonna be in a kissing match with someone

we're fucking going in it's WWE Raw. You know what I've been looking at recently, and every time I see it, I'm like, god damn, they're both so hot, is Sidney Sweeney and Glenn Powell. Listen, listen, listen.

I'm a mere mortal. Those are two beautiful, I see that trailer, and I'm like, god damn, you're both so fucking hot. And why would you want to see that trailer and I'm like god damn you're both so fucking hot and why would you want to see that movie of course they fuck they're hot they're very good looking they have zero chemistry

they don't need that but that's why I don't understand the concept of that movie just this like like oh will they will they get it no oh my god have you seen them it'd be crazy they're like hey we got to the final level. It'd be crazy if they didn't. You know?

Yeah. Like, even if they hate each other, it'd be like, well, we got to try. It would be a sin against God to not try this out. Fair. Fair. So I could certainly, I could see that. But you want that. That's too intimidating.

That's why I want old people. I want me. I want me, Ian McKellen, and then I'm trying to. And Angela Lansbury's dead. Yeah. Oh, my God. Too bad. We never said'm trying to- And Angela Lansbury's dead. Yeah. Oh my God, too bad. We never said that dead people were off the show. That's true.

You just think they're alive and dead. I'd have to. I just think I respect them. I think it wouldn't be a sexual thing for me. It would be artistic. Russell, you've changed the game. Yeah, you just intellectualized it. It is a sexual thing.

We are talking about- You can't be like, I'm hired for work. Who do I want to get a boner in front of? You're going to respectfully make Angela Lansbury cum? Yeah. I think you could do it. That is what happens. Yeah.

She's like a very frisky old lady, actually. She was notably... I don't want to be a misogynist, but she was like fucking... Was she? Yeah. How do you know that? According to who? Have you ever like seen Oh my god so many people

Really? It's like when Who's that dude that just died Like Paul Newman When everyone was like Oh yeah Paul Newman was fucking That guy That guy's a really good looking guy

Viking hello of course yes Angela Lansbury was fucking And she was also I just like watched an old movie With her And she was like She was getting down I was like Angela Lansbury was fucking. And she was also, I just watched an old movie with her, and she was like, she was getting down. I was like, Angela Lansbury? She was like,

I, uh, she, poor Angela Lansbury. She was one of those, like, in her last year of being alive, every reporter was like, tell us your thoughts on the Me Too movement. I was like, no, Angela, no! I know, the reporters should not be allowed to ask anyone over 90. I think reporters should

absolutely, like, we should say, why would you ask that to this person? They're clearly almost dead. Talking to them about cancel culture. God's about to cancel them. Leave them alone. That and the slap. No one should be asked about cancel culture. That and the slap. I've had it. The slap. We can't. The fact that

that whole thing, that whole dynamic is still being every other week. We're a year and a half. Okay. Here's what we did for a little bit, though. Because I think Jada Pinkett Smith loves the attention. Yeah. She sprinkles.

She keeps bringing the slap back. I will say she only brought it back for her book. Everyone else was talking about it for a long time. I don't think she really talked about it for a while. But now for her book, she's bringing it back for her book Everyone else was talking about it for a long time I don't think she really talked about it for a while But now for her book She's bringing it back I shouldn't say no one's going to read it But that family's got it

It feels like Suddenly it's like a new video Where her and her son Finally hash out what was in the book You made this and then you made a video And how much are There was one video of Will Smith that I saw Where he was talking to Hash out what was in the book. You made this and then you made a video. And how much are... There was one video of Will Smith that I saw

where he was talking to his wife, or I guess not, and saying, stop filming me. I told you not to film. And he was crying. And she was like... She was chasing him.

I was like, please, I told you I don't want to film this. And I don't know. That really made me go, I know there's not a good guy or a bad guy, but that certainly made me go, this is bad. Yeah. This is bad. But they stay together.

Well, because there's no prenup. You really think that's it? I think a lot of people grow up with the mentality of their parents didn't stay together. And so now they are entering into this partnership and they don't want to fail at marriage. And so they stay together no matter what. I think about... What's their name? They've been broken up too.

Just this week they said... Meryl Streep. Yeah. 60, 40, 40. Meryl Streep and husband. Yeah. I wonder what the decision is. Maybe she didn't want people hitting on her.

You really want to be around that person that much because sometimes when you're with someone that long, they're just here. They're built of life. You know what I mean? But yeah. And then if you don't announce it, everyone always goes, how's your husband?

And you've got to do that question. Maybe people don't talk to her as much. Do you think that Meryl Streep Is dating now and it's complicated Oh like that's why they announced it Or he's dating And they don't want a fair rumors She's going to be doing a walk with someone soon

Is Meryl Streep dating Travis Kelsey Is what we need to figure out Listen Meryl Streep Hey there's someone respectfully She is yeah I almost think she's not old enough How old are we talking Are we talking septuagenarian?

I think I'm thinking of a funny scene It's just funny to me to imagine me making out with 200 year olds I'm less thinking of it From your perspective Also, I just feel like I'd be i would be more comfortable with them i would just be like it would be like okay you know okay we're all peers are you not worried about the age gap not worried at all the age gap discourse no you and a hundred year olds

i think they're taking advantage of you die while you're with them exactly not a story for me to have oh that's you know if you die with ian mcke you. That is true. I thought we were filming a scene. Oh, right. Yeah. That just went bananas. That was amazing. But, yeah. Oh, what I was going to say is that, like, you know, there's delicacies in relationships when talking about your exes.

And Jada goes on the news and goes, The clock was the love of my life. He proposed. relationships when talking about your ex your exes and jada goes on the news and goes i'm the news was the love of my life he proposed yeah he had alopecia too and just like i loved him so much and my husband is not really my husband and then they still have to go to shows together yeah he shows up and he shows up he hasn't't slapped her. I don't know. I could not do that. I don't judge. These people, they live their...

Oh, I do. But their lives are so different from... Yes. I've been thinking a lot and... Is it hurting your brain? So I've been going to... So I've been touring a lot. I go to comedy clubs and I'm all over the place.

And like a lot of I go to comedy clubs and I'm all over the place. And like a lot of times there's no food. The food's like disastrous. What? They said they'd get a salad. You put in the salad order and then they bring it to you completely wrong with no dressing. And this is just the beginnings where I go like

oh I can see I can totally see the scenario where I go hey guys there's no dressing for the salad and then they tell someone else he's such a piece of shit. I know. The salad wasn't right. No for sure. And I'm like and then from my perspective I'm like this is

literally this is how I eat my meals and I just dressing on the salad no dressing on the salad. Yeah yeah. Very specific to something that happened recently. Two salads. Yeah. No dressing. And one was for my fucking girlfriend that happened recently. Two salads, no dressing, and one was for my fucking girlfriend. Maybe they were trying to tell you something. And there's just this degree where I go,

I think I always am really hesitant to... Not that you can't be famous and be mean, but I'm like, famous people are... And I'm not that famous, but it's just you work. People who are in intense work situations sometimes get put in situations where they meet someone once very briefly in a high-stakes situation.

They're a little bit rude because they have some needs, and then they get labeled as an asshole. Yeah. Well, I also think that people are just like, I mean, I see it now, too, with doing this show I'm doing where there's a celebrity person.

Well, as the understudy, you really have to calm it down with yelling at the... No, no, no, no. I'm saying the celebrity people that come in to do the guest role. Oh, sure. I'm saying you get a brief, very brief glimpses of them. So there's a moment in the show that he has on Broadway where there's a tiny little cameo at the end. And recently, a lot of celebrities, big celebrities, come in and do it. And do it.

And you're meeting them a little bit for like 10 minutes. None of them you want to kiss. You know, none of them. But it's that thing, too, where I have to remind myself, you're only meeting this person for like 5 to 10 minutes, and it's a very glimpse of this thing, this moment. But it is sometimes you walk away with a a severe impression either way where you're like god that person was great or you're like whoa what uh you know so it's just very interesting because it's so right because you'll see other people too like nicole talks about it like working in and as

a as in pr where she'll see people be like, oh my God, they were so nice. And you're like, truly, they just walked down a red carpet. And they were like, thank you. You know what I mean? The bare minimum. But we all do it. And you have to really remind yourself

that you're getting such a small glimpse of someone. But then I think if there's enough stories, sometimes it's like, no, I think certain hosts of things that have been outed as being assholes. But I also think, okay, there's someone in my mind who I'm not going to say, but I feel like they must have gone through a specific phase of their life where they were a jerk. Because I feel like all the stories are from this one particular era of their life when they were most famous and so busy. I'll tell you later. I've worked with this person and I'm like,

again, I might not know it because maybe I'm at a place where they're nice to me, but all the stories are from this one era and I'm like, is it possible? Is it possible that for a couple years they were so busy and they were shitty and maybe they were going to do a breakup and maybe their parents died? I just think it's hard once you have a reputation

to escape it. Listen, people don't worry about it. He'll protect you. I'll talk nicely about you. I'll talk nicely about you. You're trying to self-preserve so you can have these

outbursts. It's fine. You're a nice boy even when you're frustrated. We had a tough moment So you can have these outbursts. But it's fine. No, no. You're a nice boy even when you're frustrated. We had a tough moment with an Uber yesterday. Oh, did you? We had two suitcases. Just slap the Uber driver.

We had two suitcases. Couldn't fit. I said, can I put it on my lap? And they said no. Why'd you ask? Did you just put it on your lap He wouldn't let me in the car with it And he was like No you can't

You have to order an XL And we didn't order an XL Because we had It was a tight Okay good I'm glad we're all in the same Two people in two suitcases That needs to fit in a regular car

Right Yeah It couldn't fit And I said I said I'll put it on my lap And he said no No suitcases in the main part of the car Just driving a clown car I mean At least clown car Sir you can't have an Uber I said, I'll put it on my lap. And he said, no, no suitcases in the main part of the car. He's driving a clown car?

I mean, at least clown car. Sir, you can't have an Uber. That's how I felt. Yeah. That's how I felt. And it was like we were going to miss a train. Yeah. And I will admit.

The train that was canceled. And then the train got canceled. That's very true. I will admit that when he said, oh, you can't do two suitcases in the car, I immediately said that we were going to a funeral. It was very instinctive in me. I love that. I said funeral. You.

And here's the thing. If he could tell I was lying, kudos to him. If he couldn't and he still wouldn't let me in the car. Asshole. Or the funeral. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't specify who the funeral was for. Yeah.

Maybe I should have been like my... He still didn't let you? No. Oh, and I said funeral. He said no. He said no. Oh, my God. And I said, you're not going to let me for a funeral?

Yeah. Oh, I wish you kept going down that road. I wish you had pulled out ashes. Now, see, if you were a real actor, you would have just brought out the waterworks. Yeah. And you would have said, out the waterworks. Yeah. And you would have said, my mom died yesterday. Yeah.

You just, like, went with it. Yeah. This was a missed opportunity, you know? I will say that. You had to order a second car. Oh, we had to order a second car. Yeah. Oh.

We almost missed the train that got canceled. That's what was so upsetting about it. Wow. You were. I will say, I think you did the right thing with bringing up a funeral. I love doing that. I love making people feel the worst when they don't give me what I want. That sounds terrible. But, I mean, like, if I'm going somewhere or if I'm making a dinner reservation,

I'm like, yes, it's for an anniversary. Yes, it's for graduation. Yeah, it's for all these things. And you get free stuff and it's fun. I agree. I, like, when you're making reservations i usually put something special yeah nothing's ever happened really nothing i went to a restaurant a couple weeks ago um and i put i think i i don't even remember actually i was selling braiding one

year of my like newsletter because i have a newsletter uh-huh celebrating one year of my newsletter, because I have a newsletter. Celebrating one year. And we went to this restaurant called Oxalis. And great restaurant. And I told them that we got eight free dishes. Oh, my God. Like, thing after thing after thing after thing. And everyone was so incredibly nice and so sweet. And I was like, I'm going to keep doing this more often.

Because it usually happens. It happens like that pretty often. I would say there's not really, maybe twice it's never happened. We don't get free stuff. You know, I've been in a different one. But I'm also very flirty with staff. So, yeah. Who knows?

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Only in theaters November 15th. Now, tell people, you're a writer. Yes. And so you graduated with a degree in architecture. No. No. I switched my second year for a degree in communications. Communications.

Yeah. And then when you graduate, did you start writing right away? No. What did I do? That was so long ago. right away no i what did i do that was so long ago i moved to chicago and was there and it was a fucking nightmare left there moved to la for a little bit then moved to australia so i worked with nbc universal for a while and i moved to new york for hbo what were you doing with these people that's when they were starting like hbo max h people? That's when they were starting HBO Max, HBO.

That's when they were developing that. So they were bringing on another kind of division. That was what they did with Tudum. Back then, it was the same thing, but it had another name. So they brought me from NBCUniversal to here. And they were like, okay, we're going to create this whole thing. It's going to be great. You were doing what for it?

I'm sorry. You were writing? no so i was like only working in marketing at this time working in marketing so i didn't start i didn't start i've always been a writer but i didn't start doing like freelance full writing until like 2016 and i have been doing freelance like in-house shit like that but then i moved and started to do stuff with vulture new york, and I've been doing that for like... Were you always a good writer in school and stuff? Yes. Yeah, I'm always the one who always was asked

to read aloud, who was always asked to do their projects, and always, always, always. It's such a skill. I mean, I remember first dipping into comedy, I tried, I submitted a couple of McSweeney's pieces, and it's moments like that where you're like, I am not. I am not that.

I am not a writer. Can't do that. That is tough. See, I think for me, it's always been a talent. And I think I used to listen to my mom. She's like, you go to college for something that you don't know how to do. And I'm like, well, I'm already good at this thing. And so I'm like, actually, mom, that was a really fucking stupid place.

Maybe that's why my mom let me go to college for musical theater. She was like, you need to fucking get it together. She's like, we need to fucking get it together. We need to figure something out. That's interesting. I've been doing that for a while and now I'm making my way into the WGA and

have some stuff going on. So you write on TV and all these things. Did that come from your articles or from your Twitter presence? Twitter presence. So I do this thing where I will see a photo, but that's also just how my mind works. I'll see a photo and immediately come up with a log line.

And so I'll do it. Also, just like my funny tweets that I do, I mix them together. And so I'll do that. And it's happened a couple of times where companies have reached out to me. They're like, hey, we want to do something with this and so it kind of just kept happening and I was like hmm maybe I should actually like do

something with it and I have lots of friends you know who are writers and doctors and producers and shit like that but yeah it kind of just started coming together but for me it didn't really I've always wanted to be a novelist. And so I wrote a novel. How many pages? That's stupid, but to me that's. No. So I think it's right now at 268. Cool.

But you read things, especially like Madden Miller. You read fucking shit like The Song of Achilles or Circe. Or one of my friends and favorite authors is Douglas Stewart who wrote Shuggy Bane. These books that are just heart-wrenching. Are you okay if we talk about books for a couple minutes? I'll be alright.

Celebrity. Old celebrity fucks. You're the intellectual here. He's wearing glasses. He's wearing glasses. But no, so yeah, I wrote a novel and I wanted to do that. But also, I think people

look at my Twitter and they expect things like this guy's going to be funny as fuck. And I'm like, actually, I love writing sad shit. So I'm kind of trying to mix the irreverence with the sad I guess stories and still make them fun.

Did you read that book, A Little Life? Yeah, of course. That book makes me laugh every time I see it because of the cover. Yeah. It looks so sad. But do you know what's so funny? What's the cover? The cover is like a black and white photo of a guy crying.

And it's supposed to be a depressing book. And I'm like, that is so funny to me. They really just were like, look at this. It's like this. I think the cover of a book should be the face of how it makes you feel. Yes. Yeah, that's great. And you just see people reading on the subway thoughtfully.

And I'm like, it's such a funny cover to me. What kind of cover would you go, oh, that's a book for me? What's that cover? That's a big thing for me. Oh, I love that. Like a waiter who's sad, but like, it happens. It happens. I love that.

What's your cover that you see and you'll be like, that's who I am? I will only, like when my book does come out, it will only be a black and white photograph. Like what you're talking about. But a recreation. So in that photo actually it was a photo from like 1968 or like 1970 something and it's a bigger photo but they cropped out most of the photo to just focus on that guy's face but i want like a really like weird photo of just like maybe uh three-quarter profile of someone or just like a hand or like

some like weird shit that's going on that makes you feel something there's a uh there is a photographer named uh Gianpaolo Segura which is like close to your name but I feel like he's a little bit more Italian than you are he's a little he's a little more you know realistically Italian uh he's a he's a fantastic he's a fantastic photographer and I'm like I need that guy to fucking do my book I need that real bad What would your book be? My book I'm trying to think of a book I really

It would 100% be about your father And the struggles and then it would be like just you No it would be like you a little boy You nursing on your dad's teat Do you know that SNL skit Where it's like little boys with wells Or what is it called? That would be you That's a good one Do you know that SNL skit where it's like little boys with wells? Or does it call it? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That'd be you. That'd be you. Just like over a wishing well. That's a good one. That's me. I think it'd be great with your- Smirk. Smirk.

Yeah. Cynical. A cardigan. There's a God. A cardigan just like over your shoulders. I love that for you. Yeah. What's the tweet that made people hate you the most?

Oh my god, no I have 70 million of those But if you had to give one top The most Or one that was surprising to you too Like you're like, oh I didn't know that That would get that much pushback Yeah, answer both at the same time

I think Oh, you know what's funny? Okay, so we'll go with the one that got pushback I do like a lot of satire, like for ultra i do satire uh but i did this tweet with zendaya since we're talking about her and uh jenna ortega like they're both younger um and i wrote zendaya met a little girl one day and she told her don't be afraid to get loud that girl grew up to be jennifer lopez and it was very obviously like a joke uh and they're like that all latinos don't look alike like that's just that's that's

and i'm like are you fucking joking like this is a it's clearly a joke yeah it was weird so that's one of those uh but i think one that got me the most hate is when i you just found out that those were two different people. Shut the fuck up. Yeah, they're not old enough for him. I think one of them is when I did a tweet about Olivia Rodrigo. And I think she had just turned 18. Oh, no. Do you know what I'm talking about?

Do you know what I'm talking about or no? No, I don't know. So I did a tweet about Olivia Rodrigo. And it was very clear. I don't even listen to her music. But i know who she is because she's like she's famous so her style very very clearly shifted like after that 18th birthday and it's like what we've seen obviously like i think we're all millennials we see it with like the mickey mouse club and shit like that how they did with britney from like the young girl to like we're gonna make her like a sex pot like we're gonna market her very differently yeah and so that's what i said i was like i hate the

way that they make these you know after their 18th birthday they try to make these disney kids sex pots that's what i said i was like called like pedophile like why are you sexualizing her and i was like can you guys not read like i don't understand like i'm not saying she's sexy i'm not saying she's a sex bot i'm saying the stylists are making her that way. For sure. Yeah. And they were like, you're talking about a girl and she's 18. I'm like, everyone is stupid.

No one can read. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so I think those are the ones that like. I know they started. Who's the one who plays Eleven in Stranger Things? Oh, Millie Bobby Brown. Oh, yeah. started who's the one who plays 11 in stranger things oh uh millie bobby brown oh yeah i felt like they did a photo shoot recently that very much felt like they were trying to like like yeah like sexual and i was like i don't she's 19 okay good i saw it and i was like

wait i don't know how old this person is in your mind you're not that i was not that i was still playing a kid and still playing a kid yeah kid. But they were sharing these photos. I'm like, is this okay? Is this okay that it's not fair? I know exactly the photos you're talking about because it's like Y2K. It was not very good photos. No, but it was very like Y2K girl who just discovered fashion. Like Seventeen Magazine, like very much that.

And I feel like I'm throwing out references and you're not actually. We are so So we're both We're like We love gossip Love it We're gossip queens Yeah

But we're both Deeply No offense Unfashionable people Yeah We're not And I've been trying to like I've been trying to improve like

Slightly And my sister works at Celine And she's like She knows fashion And And Tova helps me. But even Tova grew up in a Chabad community. So she's learned in her own time.

And then I go to Jay Jordan a lot. If I'm looking for jackets, I'm going to Jay. And I'm like, what would you want to fuck me in? Or fuck you out of. Yeah. It's tough. I saw that photo shoot and I was like, this doesn't feel right. But we, like, it's tough. I can see things. Like, I saw that photo shoot, and I was like, this doesn't feel right.

But that's all I know how to articulate. Yeah, yeah. You don't know how to break it down. And that's fair. And, I mean, you're tall, so lots of things will look good on you. But you just have to. This would be a perfect rom-com scenario where, like, I give you a makeover, and then we have, like, a fun song in the background.

And then. And I do the thumbs up. Exactly, exactly. That's my role. It'd be great. And then you come out, and you take off your glasses in slow motion. And then at some point, you're looking in the mirror, and we're like, oh, so you too. Yeah.

Okay. No, he's like, you do a little pose in front of your book. Yeah. It's both just wearing belts that match your shoes. I think I would do better than that for both of you. But, you know, just put yourself in my hands and you'll be fine. Listen, that's what I've been doing. My sister's been dressing me for a lot of this stuff.

It's hard. I don't have the space for clothes. I now know enough about fashion that I look at all my clothes and I'm like, I want to throw all of this away. It's all bad. And sometimes it's crippling. Have you ever had a day where you get dressed and you go, no, this isn't good.

Yeah, that's why we've had this. I've told you a million times. That's why I want to wear a uniform. I want to have a uniform that I wear every day that's just like a black... Those are the diverse outfits you put on every day. No, but that's what I'm saying. Even like that, even though I wear the same eight to ten things, I want to just even make it smaller.

Even like just one thing I wear every day. And it's like a black t-shirt with pants that maybe look like jeans, but they're really sweatpants. And then slip-on shoes. Okay, so I'm not here for that. Here's the thing. You're never going to have that. You just... No, I know. I know. I'm just... You just did a red carpet for the Broadway opening. I'm sorry. Talking about fantasies. You looked very fashionable

on that carpet. It was a new suit. I got a new suit for it. You got a new suit. I went and got a new suit. Love that for you. So, Goonberg overall, you're operating at a loss now. It was a good deal on the suit. Actually, it was a good... It was an on-sale suit. And they didn't need that much tailoring.

I had a permanent marker open in my suitcase. And I had a fitted button-down shirt that I got with Douglas way back in the day. And it's ruined because of this marker. I almost had a breakdown. And clothes. It's so much money. You spend a lot of money on clothes?

Okay. I can't even imagine i guess there's some people in comedy where all of a sudden you're like oh you're mainly a fashion person not you but i'm saying like sometimes there's a switch that happens where you were like they were people doing comedy shows like at you would see them at comedy shows yeah and now they're mainly getting photographed as like fashion. Does that make sense? I went to one SNL after party, and I remember thinking, God damn, everyone is really well-dressed. And it was too much.

It felt like I was like, I thought back in the Chris Farley era or the first year of SNL, I'm like, they probably look like fucking slops. Well, also, everyone was doing cocaine, so no one really cared. They were just like, let's go in the bathroom. Well, actually, they probably look like fucking slops. Also, everyone was doing cocaine, so no one really cared. They were just like, let's go in the bathroom. Actually, not even go in the bathroom. They're just like,

let's fucking go on the bar room floor, everywhere. I'm sure cocaine still happens, but not as out. There are more tools now. You get a little tornado. I can't imagine doing cocaine. I know. We can't do it. We've talked about it.

How are you going to fuck those old people? You think you're just going to wake up with energy to fuck some oldies? I've done cocaine twice. Do you do cocaine? Not anymore. Would you have sex on cocaine?

I could not. The one time, I couldn't. It makes my body numb. So I'm having a great time, but I'm not fucking anyone. In the movies, it's like Wall Street. I felt like it opened with him. He's snorting out of an asshole. Maybe I did it wrong.

I did it all wrong. That's deep. You did it off a mirror's this is how it goes no i think it i think it like you know all drugs affects me affects people differently but i like i don't smoke weed i have had a weed edible one time and i will never do it again um why i felt like i was going insane. How many milligrams? I have no idea, actually. It was a weed cookie. It could have been insane. Yeah, I'm sure it was.

I'm sure it was. But it was... I ate the whole cookie, and it was probably about that big. And I'm sure it was a lot of fucking milligrams. And I just remember going swimming in my friend's like apartment building and like I was doing like Catholic. It was really fucking insane. And I like don't remember any of it.

But my friend's like taking video and I'm like, what the fuck? So I'm just like, yeah. Also, I don't like downers. I'm an upper kind of guy. So... Sure. I want to...

Before we go into... This got to stop because things are going to be longer for this one than normal episodes. Britney Spears. Yes. You're a big fan? Yeah, I love Britney.

I saw Britney when she was still doing The Schoolgirl. I was very young. Okay. Like desks. You were like, I want to be that girl. I mean, yeah, I was a huge fan, of course. And it seems like, so she's got this book coming out. And all these celebrity memoirs.

I think what's funny about Britney Spears releasing the memoir, she has enough to talk about that it's going to be a good memoir. But usually it feels like those memoirs come out when you're like Angela Lansbury's age. And so when you talk about everyone you fucked, some of them are dead.

It's so long ago. But it is funny that sometimes it's like, oh, how old is Britney Spears now? And so when you talk about everyone you fucked, some of them are dead. It's so long ago. But it is funny that sometimes it's like, oh, how old is Britney Spears now? Like 42, 43? Yeah. Like 43 to be like, here's everyone I fucked. Here's the list. And this one, it was rough. Yeah.

And this one, it was bad. Yeah. The Justin Timberlake stuff i don't i don't know here's here's a perfect example of me going like do we know the full story of is this guy solely a cunt or were they both young kids they both seemed to cheat on each other at least I read that she cheated on him with Wade, uh, Wade Robinson, Robson,

Robson, uh, Wade Robson, who, uh, who, uh, is accused Michael Jackson of,

yes. Oh my God. I was in the documentary. Um, and he didn't, what did Michael Jackson molest you? Why did you think that you said said you were also in the documentary Oh no, oh my god

I thought you said you were in the documentary Imagine if we hadn't discussed this yet and you just revealed it right now If I had been molested by Michael Jackson It would be the name of this podcast Molested by Michael Jackson To Marcus Horatio Wait, do you know what's so funny? We'll go back to that after you finish this thought.

Because I do think it's funny that parents kept sending their kids there. And it was like the start. The fucking kids who want to be comics. Yeah. These people want anything. It was that kid. Maybe it is good he did stand-up comedy. They'll tell you it was a lot worse.

Yeah. I saw Michael Jackson on an airplane. And he kept giving me lots of pretzels. He gave me so many pretzels. And these pills that made me go to sleep. No, I actually have. I haven't put it out yet, but it was some crowd work thing with a guy who comes. Every time I'm in San Francisco, he comes to the show.

He's an older man, and he's a doctor. For you. For you. He's a doctor, and he was a doctor for one of the kids who would stay at Michael Jackson's place. Like a pediatrician or a family doctor? There was some famous doctor. There was some famous kid, like a Michael Jackson kid, who had AIDS. Not from sex.

Right, right, right. It was famous at the time. I don't know how the kid got it. But he was saying just being at Michael Jackson's and the vibe being weird. And I'm amazed that there's still people who don't think Michael Jackson did it. If you ever ask those people, though, would you let your kid share a bed with Michael Jackson? They will always say no, though. Yeah.

They will always say no. And you're like, well, there's your truth right there. Yeah. I don't know what to tell you. But what was I saying? Britney Spears. So it seems like they both were probably poor behavior. They were young, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But I think the Twitter narrative goes they got pregnant, and it's kind of like he forced her to get an abortion. And now, to me, maybe so. But I'm like, we are so far away from this yeah i couldn't possibly make an assessment yeah however i do think it's not just justin with britney it's justin with janet it's justin with jc chazay my turtleneck king it's him but they're still working together yeah but like there was a riff there was a riff for a really long time of course because one of them got famous but also i think it's just you know i i do think justin is an asshole

not just because of you know all that shit going on but i think it's just the way that you could see him speaking to people and also after they broke up you know the way he was speaking to everyone about her uh i think i think it's insane i think it's kind of like fucked but i do think that's the business and i do think it was a different time for sure. For sure. Because if you even look back 10 years ago and like that, there's a video going around of

what's her name? From Emily Blunt. And she's talking about the waitress. Oh, the fat video. Yeah. Oh, yeah. What did she say? I didn't watch it. It's really interesting because the video was edited. edited edited and it left out what he said it exactly So she's like you say at first like how fat was no he's talking Americans are enormous and she says yeah, she was enormous

But everyone's like placing the blame on her when it was him who said it and like yes, she agreed But still she apologized in a way where I was just like just you can't be mad at anything We've all had a fat waitress at Applebee didn't care. You can't be mad at her. It was like fucking 10 years ago. Listen, we've all had a fat waitress at Applebee's that you're like, I can't believe how fat

that waitress was. Clip it. I can say it. I can say it. Because I'm fat. What about, yeah, what about the one day

where I'm like, no, Russell, you can't say it anymore. You start crying. Ooh. But yeah, I do think we're, I think we're very removed from it i think it's fun i think being mad at someone for some shit that went down a whole long time ago sure whatever who cares i just think britney spears is gonna one day she's one day she's gonna

share an opinion and everyone's gonna do the thing whoa i guess you're full of shit and it's the same thing with like sarah silverman and it's i will say i will say i think that happened already uh a few years ago like when she was first like kind of coming out of yeah out of the thing weird yeah it was something where i don't remember what it was it was controversial she didn't she was mean about something or am i thinking of it was recently she said something where she called someone like big or large yeah oh yeah yeah she made like a post about being fat. Something about someone. Someone was fat.

I think it was one of our clips. Or it was in general. I don't know. Something fatphobic. And people were like, it's just that's... Got a little bit of attention. I don't know.

I don't know. It's interesting because you're like some people they weather that storm and then other people it feels like you're like

oh well that whole platform is kind of done with you it really depends on how much you like the person or how much like how not to bring up

the slap again but I think you know someone like Will Smith who has had a very long career of not doing anything wrong you know just being like a very stand up guy and then you slap someone on national TV and everyone wants to call you a monster.

And Judd Apatow is like, he could have killed him! Sure. Jay and I talk about this too, and I don't think Jay would be mad at me for talking out of his turn. He did not deserve to be slapped. That was crazy. Yeah, I agree. I agree he didn't deserve to be slapped, but I think that he should have been slapped.

I think it was funny. I think it was funny. I think it was funny. I think it was funny. I'm sorry. I think it was hilarious. I don't think he should have been slapped, but I also say that I can't imagine caring about the Oscars.

To be finally something crazy is happening. Thank God. Something crazy happened. Since Moonlight, that was the most exciting thing that happened. Yeah, it was amazing. What happened again? They said La La Land? No, fucking Warren Beatty is

drunk as shit and they read the wrong card from something that happened a long time ago and he just looks and he's like not wearing glasses and just says La La Land. La La Land. And then people come out. They're like, no. It was a very great white savior moment for white people because they were like, we are

actually, we're allies. Oh, yeah. Even though this says ally. But they were allies that moment because they were like, they just said nothing. Yeah. And then just like, La La Land when? But they were like, it was Moonlight. So you guys carried that for like two years. Yeah. Did you see Moonlight? I did. nothing. Yeah. And then just like, la, la, la, and when. But they were like, it was Moonlight. So you guys carried that

for like two years. Yeah. Did you see Moonlight? I did. Good. Yeah. What happened at the end? Oh, God.

You know, I think it all, oh my God, what did happen? I saw it in theaters. I remember there was three different chapters. It did work out. They met again later. Yeah.

And they had like a nice moment. Yeah. And they decided that they were going to see each other again? No. It ended kind of sad, didn't it? They were in a diner and they went home.

Oh yes, the diner. They went home together, but then it was like it was open to interpretation. I think they should have just fucking clapped cheeks, but I don't... Imagine for the credit sequence, it was just... I think that would have been fantastic. Amazing. And then let Nicholas Bertel just do whatever he wants to do on was just I think that would have been fantastic amazing and then let

let Nicholas Bertel just like do whatever he wants to do on top of that it would have been fantastic it would have been amazing I remember liking Moonlight

I remember liking I remember liking the first part a lot more than the other two parts but maybe that's just that's all I want

no let's let's our new section Russell's Critiques. I love that. And then... Russell reams out movies. We do very delayed, too.

So it's like from whatever year that was. 2016. Alright, let's go on to our next segment. This has got to stop. This has got to stop. I have an old neighbor. He's not in my building. He's in another building. Did you fuck him?

No, but he's too young. He's only like 78. Oh, yuck. Every nice day, this man sits on kind of the corner and talks on the phone. And it's so loud. I live on the sixth floor. And every nice day, you want to open your windows. But he talks so loud. I live on the sixth floor and every night you want to open your windows. But he talks

so loud. Loud enough that if you're on a Zoom, you have to shut the windows. You have to close everything because this man is screaming on the phone. And it's like hour long conversations. And it only happens... He's mad? Or he's just so loud? No, that's how he talks. But it's like screaming.

And it's usually like him talking to someone kind of recapping. He hasn't talked to this person, whoever it is, but he does it regularly. And it's usually like him talking to someone, kind of recapping, like, he hasn't talked to this person, whoever it is, but he does it regularly. So it must be a new person each time. But he's like giving them the full update of his life. And it's a lot about doctor's appointments, and it's a lot about so-and-so's dead, and you know,

like that kind of thing. And so you can hear a few times a week the same recap to multiple people. And I'm like, just go and do that in your house or go to the park where there's like I don't know why he does it right in front of my building it's a weird place

for him to do it based on his medical stuff does it sound like you'll be dealing with this for long yes he's gonna be fine forever he's like one of those people that's like he's always going and there's always tests but it's always like yeah it was fine you know he's just like yelling loudly loudly and um and screaming in a way that i'm like i know that that other person can hear him just fine you could talk like this and be fine you know but i can hear him on the sixth floor so i hear the whole conversation i think the way

you have to deal with it is when you see him next time, you're like, hey, how's the mole? Yeah. Actually, I probably don't think he would care. He'd be like, oh, yeah. He'd probably talk to me about it. He'd probably be like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Can I get your number so I can give you an update? The other day, it was great, though, that traffic got backed up and people were honking, and he had to move because it was

interrupting his conversation. He was annoyed. I was like, thank God. I'll take these horns over this man. Anyways, we're about to go into a reprieve. It's going to be cold weather. I'm going to have some months off from him. But spring comes, and that man, it will be sad one day when he's not there

anymore. It's been years now. I've been having to hear his conversations. As someone who really pursued singing for a decade, I don't think I'm ever allowed to be mad at anyone making noise in their apartments ever again. Like the things that I put on people's faces.

Oh, yeah. Are you a good singer? Not good enough for this. I wouldn't care if Andre would tell me to look next to me. He's not going to be on Broadway or anything. Oh, true. I mean. Okay, my this has got to stop.

I have one. It's like the question is like, do I really actually want to explore it on a podcast? But maybe a little bit from this. It's, okay, I don't like it when companies have Twitter accounts to begin with. When companies have Twitter accounts, I go, what is this?

What does this mean? Who is speaking? What is this voice? I know how these things work, too. Like, I have comedians who are hired by ad agencies. And they go, the voice for Cheerios is a sassy gay man. I've done that before. Yeah.

And even worse than companies is an entire fucking country having a Twitter account. What the fuck are you talking about? Countries should not have Twitter accounts. And if they do, it should be an elected position. We should have to collectively vote on who gets to decide the Twitter voice.

Because what does that mean? What are those meetings like? If Coca-Cola, they go like, Coke is your 40-year-old cool friend who likes to listen to jazz. What is... Wait, the US, we don't have one, right? No, I don't think so.

We certainly have White House. Again, I don't even particularly, but that makes sense. As an organization, if you have a problem with it, you can be like, let's call this... It doesn't really have a person. It's not like that kind of thing. It's not being sassy or snarky. It doesn't have a voice.

You have to deal with this. You have to deal with when Biden tweets during a debate, you have half the fucking idiot fucking country living going like, how is he tweeting from the debate? Right. Some people think it's Biden typing out the text. Literally, this guy can't get through a sentence. He types out a paragraph. Some people think it's Biden typing out the text, literally. This guy can't get through a sentence. He types out a paragraph. And then other people are like, well, who's talking?

What's the point of your face being behind this? But when we go to countries, when we go to countries, what is Netanyahu doing the tweeting? I don't fucking understand what that is because then because then you're like who who who is this representing right now and you know every tweet should have to be voted on is this the message that we all agreed on yeah this this tweet with a gif with jif yeah it's insane yeah and then it's like you you shouldn't be able to be if you are blocked by a country what does that even mean can you still go there? They should not have a Twitter account.

It doesn't make any sense. I agree. It's true. And if you have an Instagram, it shouldn't. It should be smaller. You have the tourist whatever. Yeah, that makes sense. That makes sense.

You know, visit such and such. You know, come here. We have these things. That makes sense. But like, yeah, I don't know about that. It sad it's weird so that's my that's my light we agree you i think it was it was i i found i was very frustrated i've i've been getting like a number of messages and it basically goes why aren't you why aren't you posting about israel and i think it was like it's it's always it always feels like a as a comedian i've always found it weird when people put up earnest messages without

any particular when someone writes a sweet message that goes all children should live without the fear of violence and I go like yeah yeah yeah it feels strange to post something like that especially in the midst of actual shit happening because that's not even saying anything

in fact to me it's just like it's like getting points and I think there's just something so strange about if I have followers who like my comedy and are there for my comedy and and that doesn't mean i can't have a point of view of things but if i just start delivering like pieces of information or propaganda and all i know is that is that and to address it to a degree, it's just like when Hamas attacked, there was like, so a lot of people

were doing a lot of posts, and I was just like understanding what was going on. And I think I always felt strange, the idea of posting a flag. I would never want to post an American flag in response to something because if you look at American history in any realistic way, it's filled with so many crimes

and travesties and I felt like all of a sudden there's this big unified voice that if you look at history, that unified voice usually precedes some heinous acts and it's almost like get everyone charged up to get excited about something.

So I didn't know quite in the fray of that to express something. And I fear that in my hesitation to do that, it would seem to exhibit that I would have no sympathy for people who had been killed. And then it felt weird after the fact to be like, hey, by the way, I don't think people should be killed. But I also know that it felt like it was amidst of a lot of vocal people, people like the a Trumper, they would have fucking screamed and thrown everything in the way. And then they go, oh, there was an election in 2006,

and thus every... They were doing the associating. For the past however many years, they have been constantly trying to be like, not all Americans are like this. Exactly, exactly. So in that moment, I didn't share anything in particular. And also, that's not what I do. And I also felt a certain degree of hypocrisy.

If I post about this thing, then why didn't I post about this other thing and this other thing? And in general, that's why I think it's like, well, this comedian's social media account isn't the place for that. But then, obviously,

then I saw just horrible things where it felt like cutting off the electricity and cutting off the water in Palestine and asking, the absurd act of asking a million people to move within 24 hours. So I made commentary on that

on Twitter, and it just, I just started getting, nothing, listen, I certainly am not, it's not like anyone was, like, livid, or people were turning to me, but I got enough messages, and I got some messages from people going, like, you talk about Jewishness a lot in your comedy, and I guess you only talk about Jewishness when it's convenient and suits you, and it just, it, I don't know, it obviously bugged me because it felt like I am Jewish

I have a very Jewish girlfriend and I talk about myself and the community of Jews but at the same time I don't know what I'm saying at this point but I just I think

the only thing I want to say I feel more comfortable saying it as opposed to posting some afterthought of like point but i just know yeah i agree with you like i i think the the only thing i want to say and the other i feel more comfortable like saying it as opposed to like posting some like afterthought of like oh hey everyone i i don't like it when people going to a concert are murdered yeah like of course and and and and now certainly it feels like there there is an impossibility so it feels very difficult to talk about or or to express anything because right now there is an impossibility. It feels very difficult to talk about or to express anything because right now there is like this very public, media-fueled, America-funded movement where people are just being murdered in Palestine and put in these insane conditions. And so, I ultimately,

someone asked me, why are you only criticizing, I was criticizing Amy Schumer and Silver and those people on Twitter, and I go, well, because that's my community. That's the people I know. Those are my relatives. Those are my, not peers, but it's also like, it's me talking about

white Jews in America and the way that they're behaving and where I see certain, of course it's not everybody, of course it's always, but I see like some American Jewish people on my social media saying some fucking wild shit. Wild

shit. And I think, I don't know. So my, this has got to stop. I suggest think, I don't know. So my, this has got to stop. This idea that because one doesn't say something is bad that they endorse it. They agree with it. Or to understand, like, I don't know, to just give some pause. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, because you're also like the people that do post about almost everything. It's amongst Insta stories of some show that doesn't matter that much to them, something that doesn't matter. So it's hard to be like, if you are posting all the time or, you know, I'm not saying that that's bad either I'm just saying that it doesn't feel any more real than people's, everyone has a different relationship

with it and you don't know what people are doing like offline There's so many stories where it would be like come to the comedy show, here's a funny Onion article here's the statistics. I'm not even saying that that's wrong to do.

I'm just saying that if you are then criticizing other people, I'm like, I got to tell you, it's all kind of like, it's like this thing that social media has become. You're like, it is everything. It just kind of bleeds into like. And I take caution because look, I posted a black square. I went to Twitter. I saw Jaboukie. No! First of all, I wasn't... I'm not even smarter anymore.

I just am more social media literate. I posted a black square. I said, sure. Then I went to Twitter. I swear to God, 30 minutes later Jaboukie said something about how fucking stupid it was. And I was like, well... Get rid of that. Learn the lesson. I learned the lesson. And I remember how stupid it was when when people were posting the blue square for jews i'm like this isn't anything yeah this idea you could do

something but ultimately especially with these rich celebrities they could just give money but what happens is they they get so famous they have so many followers they go i'm stopping they're getting all that stopping genocide by saying this thing. And it's like, you are so fucking removed from reality and it's just frustrating

and because I feel like I don't know how to I feel like it's everyone taking you in the worst possible light. That for me to say... It's the same thing where I agree. A ceasefire, of course. And then people go like, well, why didn't you say free the hostages first?

And I go like, listen, you motherfucker. The head, the government heads are the ones running the show, number one. So none of what we say on fucking Instagram matters. And these people in charge, they don't always want the exact same thing that you're thinking. You think that these fucking actions are going to help with anything? You're fucking going to get more recruits by being so fucking shitty. And I think this episode is coming out like weeks from now. I'm sure the whole thing will be resolved.

A peaceful two-state solution will exist. But it's... Well, also being like, because I have a relationship to the government that is funding things happening. Yes. I don't have a relationship to a terrorist organization, Hamas. So I have a relationship where I can at least call a senator,

call a representative, call someone. I have a representative to America that's funding an ongoing thing that's funding an ongoing thing that's happening where people are being murdered and killed. So that's something I can do to, and also it's crazy that it's controversial to say that

we want to cease fire. And that goes back to fucking the Twitter account for Israel. Which is crazy. I think we should... You're going to have to step down as the head of this Hopefully this doesn't get us in trouble. Yeah. Like, which is crazy. No, I think, I think, I think always for now. You're going to have to step down as the head of this podcast. Russell takes over.

Okay, well. But that was the thing that, that where this is like, where I think it was so insane that a country has a Twitter account because it can then say stuff that you're like, whoa, did anyone think this through? And people don't, you know. And this one in particular was. And like attacking GD. Like that was... And attacking Jihadid. That was fucking insane. Oh, my God. But there was one specific, and I forget the counts, which I know you should probably know these things,

but it basically said war crimes are never bad. Oh, no, I screenshot that, actually. It said don't do war crimes. Oh, and it did the four things. And then Israel did a quote tweet that was like... Israel should be able to live too or something like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That response to the statement of war crimes are bad is not an appropriate response.

To anything, no. I don't know what 22-year-old runs the account, but it's crazy for a country to have a Twitter account. Because that's a crazy thing to say. Everything else aside, that's a crazy thing to say. Everything else aside, that's a crazy thing to respond with. And you know that they're behind the scenes. They're like, ha ha,

I told them. It's like, no, you look so fucking insane. This is crazy, actually. But I know that they thought they probably ate that, but they didn't. Yes.

So all that is to say, all that is to say, I, of course, I feel nothing but horror at anyone being killed or murdered, especially on, was it October 7th? Is that when it was on October 7th? Yes, yes. That is horror.

In no way. And I know there's certainly some, as I say, there's some crazy people on the other side saying no one should be killed. That was a terrorist attack. It was awful. But I think right now there needs to be a ceasefire. I feel so stupid saying it out loud because I'm not a government official. But I think there is fucking so many people being murdered right now. And ultimately, it's war crimes.

Yeah. And it's not going to help anything at all. And we solved it. And we actually solved it right now. We solved it and we actually solved it right now we had the best opinion about it we really put it all in a thing I saw something said

we had the right opinion about everything there was some comedian fuck it it's all public someone shared a thing of a ceasefire we need world peace now, Judah Friedlander. Like that was the quote. And it was just – it's like, again, that's what I'm doing right now too.

Don't get me wrong. Don't get you wrong. But please don't share an infographic of me saying it as if it holds some weight. Because I just love the idea of someone going to Netanyahu's office. I'm actually going to do that. I'm going to be this fucker. I'm just going to do that. I'm going to be in his fucking ass. I'm just going to grab a photo of you and just say something like that for Gianmarco's story.

Yeah. Someone going into Netanyahu's office like, Netanyahu, you're a 30 Rock? Remember 30 Rock? He's like, which one? You know the one with the cap? Oh, a ceasefire right now. Okay. And also there's a degree where I also am cautious talking things because I... I've been talking...

There's so much... I miss getting misinformation from three places. Yeah. It is insane. X is wild. It's all over. And Instagram, you're seeing these things that people are posting. You're like, what?

We are soon no longer going to be able to trust videos. And we're going to have to go back. I mean, we already can. Those topics are fucking trust like videos and we're going to have to go back. I mean, we already can. Those topics are fucking insane. Ultimately, we're going to have to, I hate to say it, people are going to be, you're going to have to go back

to like established entities that are extremely well vetted and obviously would be corrupt in their own ways. But like we can't, this isn't working. Elon Musk's like dream of what it is,

is insane. And I'm not saying there's legacy media that doesn't have a zillion issues, but this other thing is not a solution. And you worked out your things with Amy Schumer, you guys talked. We talked and I told her, I said, let me open for you once and I will reshare everything you post.

Do you know what this is? Gotta stop. Mine is nor near as serious. No, that's great. I just think restaurants are too dark. It's fucking insane. Whenever I go, I'm out to eat at this new restaurant that's vibes,

lots of vibes, and the food's gonna be shit. Anyway, I already know. It's so fucking dark I can't see anything and I already can't see, but if I should be able to see whatever like fucking pasta I'm paying $37 for, it's too dark. And I shouldn't as a customer have to be like a 70 year old that you actually, sorry, 95 year old that you would want to kiss to be like,

Hey, can you guys turn up the fucking lights? I can't read the menu. Like it's insane. It's insane. And I shouldn't have to do that as someone who is hot and sexy and paying money here. I agree. I think people think it gives... I think...

I think they're trying to cut corners and they're like, this will just make it cooler if it's darker. And there is a fine line, because I also don't like it when it's too bright either. But it is to some places so dark. What are you looking for? Okay.

I'll add on to that. I hate when bathrooms have tinted lights or something. Oh, yeah. And you're like, God forbid you have to take a shit. You no longer are able to visually assess whether you're done. Yeah. That was a good one. Is there a restaurant in particular that you can name that is that

uh actually like it's been like a lot of them uh what was the last one i went to that was like that uh oh my god it was new it's like little some fucking guy i don't know it was italian but anyways uh there's a lot a lot of them are like that now uh cucucina Alba, that's one. They're all like these Italian restaurants. You need to fix that before you fix genocide, I will say. I think one thing is important. Fix the Italian restaurants, Gianmarco, Seresi.

And then I'll write all my Italian friends, why aren't you speaking up about this at all? Why aren't you speaking up about this? Where's the Italian flag? Stop the dark. Martin Luther King. No, I'm just kidding. There can't be no darkness without light and all that stuff he said.

It's fucking up the restaurant. It's fucking up the vibe. Fucking up the vibe. It sucks. Let's go on to our final segment. You better count your blessings. You better count your blessings. You better count your blessings. Oh, also one last thing really quick. If you defended Dave Chappelle when he said the transphobic stuff,

you can't be shocked that he doesn't have your same views with Israel and Palestine. You hypocritical motherfuckers. If you are unable to see that you don't care about free speech, you just care about your views getting airtime, shut the fuck up. Stop talking online. Recognize that your brain is incapable of stepping outside of yourself for two fucking seconds and just stop. Go back to Instagram and post pictures of food because that is all you're good for. I love that. That was so passionate. I love that.

I could not stand that. Imagine if you went to an orgy and you gave that. It's your intro. Everyone would be climbing over you at that point. You wouldn't have to do anything. The funniest thing, someone posted on TikTok it was someone in Times Square

selling Israeli flags and Palestinian flags And it was like, this is the one guy That guy's like, I'm all about business I'm all about business Do you have a blessing? Me? Oh, you know what, go first Do you have a blessing? I do, I think my blessing is more like

Everyone else's curse. Terrible things happened to me. I've been robbed outside of a Kesha concert. It was insane. Chelsea went to a Kesha. I love Kesha. When she was in her prime, it was top five for sure, 100%. Did they have a weapon When they robbed you?

Oh yeah, like a full gun. It was insane. And it ruined the rest of my night. I was like, this is so annoying. I have to call the cops. It took forever. But no, I am just thankful that I've never had something so terrible happen to me

or have been going through something that was so bad that I had to bleach my hair blonde because I feel like everyone goes through shit. And they're like, that is going to fix me. And it doesn't. Wow. Especially like gay people. They're like, that's going to that's going to help me with my daddy issues. It's going to help me with my breakup. It's going to help me, you know me because I can't fucking feel desirable.

I have never been through something that toxic. I've really always wanted to be cast in something that forces me to do something drastic with my hair. Whether it be blonde or I had a woman, an older cast director came up to me many years ago and said, would you ever shave your head? There's a skinhead role I think you'd be great for.

And I was like, uh-huh. One line. But I always wanted to try blonde just once. And I was like, uh-huh. One line? But I always wanted to try blonde just once. Like Devin Sawa and Stan. Yeah. Would you ever dye your hair? I think you should just do it for Halloween. Every time I have someone come to a show and they have

blue hair or green hair or any hair, I'm always like, I always tell them, that looks so cool. I think it's so fun. Really? Because I tried doing, like, red when I went through my little goth phase

in high school. Why would you do that? Because in my mind, I thought it would look like an anime. Oh, do you know? You probably thought you were,

have you ever seen Life as a House with Hayden, not Hayden Pantier, Hayden Christensen? No, I haven't seen it. It's a fucking great movie. They show,

every high schooler has seen this movie for some reason, but they show it as Life as a House and Hayden Christensen is like emo. Sorry,

I'm taking up your time. He has like a little red streak in his hair and he's so emo and he's so fucking weird. It's so weird. It's such a weird movie, but it's amazing.

It's great. I love it. And Kevin Kline dies. Oh. Yeah, I would do anything to my hair if someone told me

to for a part. I would, you know. I was bald once for a part. My blessing. Did you do yours? Yeah, you do. My blessing actually is, I'm so proud of you.

Oh, my God. Your thing was announced today, your Netflix thing. Oh, wait, what Netflix thing? I didn't see. They're doing, it's called Verified Stand-Up. Okay. It's not out yet. It comes out November 28th.

Yeah, plug that shit. And it's like eight or ten comics. I think maybe two episodes, one episode. And it's like... I do like a ten-minute set. Okay. So this is like an audition for an orgy. Like you're getting there.

Basically, yeah. Pretty much, yeah. So, oh, yeah. I'm so proud of you. It's very exciting. I can't wait to see it. And... I appreciate it. Great job. Thank you. You know, I'm so proud of you. It's very exciting. I can't wait to see it. And great job. Thank you.

Good list of people there, too. However, you are already on Broadway. However, I'm on Broadway. Well, we're taking different paths. OK. You know, his is Netflix, 10 Minutes. Mine's The Great White Way. You'll be seen by 400 people a night.

I'll be seen by a billion in 10 seconds. It's like 1,100 people. But, yeah, I love that. Imagine a billion in 10 seconds. It's like 1,100 people. I love that. Imagine a billion people checking in for verified. Netflix's like, we got the numbers. A billion people watched all 10 comics.

All 10 comics. All the way to the end. They watched all the way to the end. That's the thing with that. We don't know what our order is. Oh, yeah. Wait, so it's like 140 minutes-ish. I don't know if it's... Or they're doing like... I feel like there's no way it could be one thing

because it's too long. They'll probably just do everyone separate. Probably like 10 minute things. Could you imagine if they do everyone separate and then no one comes? And then they send you the numbers. They rank people. And you're no longer in the running.

It's week one. Well, great. I have another... I had one blessing, but I think it was like NetYahoo. After all that... you're like... Thank you for showing deep temperance and calm. No, my blessing is Sean Riley.

Sean Riley. I don't know if he'll see this, but he helps caption a great deal of my videos, and he is a fantastic comedian, and he opened for me recently at the House of Comedy in Phoenix. And great comic. I've been there to see him grow. And I love more and more.

I like doing these two-person shows. I like someone going up for 20, and then I get to really sink my teeth in. And he's so nice. We went for a hike. And really cool to hang out. How do all of your stories start out so homoerotic? And then I'm just like, OK, you went for a hike. Went for a hike.

Little handjob. He's got a little hot on the trail. I do think, though, about... I thought of it recently. We're doing these weekends with these openers and they're usually younger people. And suddenly I'm like, oh my god, my whole social life is hanging out with a 25-year-old all the time.

And I think sometimes I spend time with someone who's younger and I walk away. Not that Sean's very smart, but I think I walk away being like, I'm wise, I'm mature. You're just hanging out with someone who is an opener, who is being nice to you, number one.

You're around someone who's being nice to you the whole time. You walk away being like, before you know it, you're posting state propaganda on your Instagram and no one's called you out in fucking 30 years so keep me humble Meechum where can people find you? you can find me

you probably already have me blocked on Twitter so don't do that but you can read my newsletter at Substack it's now that I mention it everything on my social is mediumsizedmeach, so you can find me there. But yeah, read, subscribe, all that shit. Mediumsizedmeach on

TikTok, Instagram, Twitter, everything. Now, Russell, the Uncle Function show happened and none of the listeners went because you couldn't remember the date every single one of them tried. Oh my god. Well, yeah, that's so true. So what do you want to plug? I have nothing to plug right now. Well, I mean, you know, come, I won't be in the now. Well, I mean, you know, come.

I won't be in the show most likely, but Gutenberg. Follow us. We have more listeners. Oh, yes. Follow me on social media. The Gutenberg thing. Follow me on social media, at Russell J. Daniels on Instagram. That's the big thing. Is it about Steve Gutenberg?

No. Oh, sorry. Go ahead. You can reset that because I'm going to be over here. Instagram, at Russell J. Daniels. And actually, you know, if you do listen, you should follow me. And then Gutenberg Musical, it's a two-person musical. Josh Gad, Andrew Rannells.

I'm Josh Gad's understudy. And then basically, it's two guys pitching a show. They have one night. They've rented a Broadway theater. They're pitching their show, and they're putting it on for them. And it's about the invention of Gutenberg, who invented the printing press. So it's like a joke show. Okay.

Purposely, it's the worst show in the world that they're pitching. It's funny. It's a two-person musical. Well, if that description doesn't sell out the rest of the run, I don't know what will. Oh, man. No, it's very funny. It's very funny. It's fun.

But, you know, most nights I'm not in it. But if you are a Debby Downsider, some of them have come and sent me messages and come to the stage door after, which has been really nice. So if you do listen and you do go, I will say hi to you after. So you do, even if you don't go on, you walk out the stage door. I walk out the stage door. And it's a beautiful moment. You walk out. Two people. Everyone has their phones up ready to see Josh Gad and Andrew Rannells.

And then you walk out and they go. And they all has their phones up, ready to see Josh Gad and Andrew Rannells. And then you walk out and they all lower their phones. And then the security guy, he's like, gives me a fist bump and then that's it. You should hire some paparazzi. I know. A couple of times people have been like, someone in the background has been like, it's the standby!

And people then applaud. But if they don't know, they don't know. That's true, yeah. Very funny. I've thought about hiring that guy. It sounded like the boy who goes, X-ray, X-ray. It felt like he was a court jester. It's the standby!

You know, you should pitch a new Gutenberg, but it's about Steve Gutenberg. He was one of the celebrities this past weekend. He was lovely. He was a sweet the celebrities this past weekend. He came. He was lovely. He was a sweet, sweet... He cried. He was such a nice person. He was like a very sweet man. He was very moved by getting asked to do it.

He was so sweet. He's like Jack now, too. Is he? Yeah. I didn't notice. He had his clothes on. Not the last time I saw him, he did. And for me, you can find me at the Stress Factory, Bridgeport, November 16th through the 19th. That's in Connecticut.

And then a weekend after that, this big one, DC Comedy Loft. This is my homecoming show. Grew up in the DC area. It's going to be big shows. Two shows, November 24th. Two shows, November 25th. Two shows, November 25th. My dad might even come to one of them.

That's a show I should come to. Wait, how old is your dad? Is it old enough for Russell? No, no. Like 30 years too young. And again, join the Patreon, patreon.com slash downside. You know, the more patients we get, the more beautiful this backdrop becomes. You get one bonus episode a month.

It's going to be more eventually. You're going to get live episodes. You're going to get my special, The Rats Are In Me. And then one day, once we have enough patrons to afford, producers and all these things, these episodes will come up the next day

so we can talk about geopolitics the moment it happens. Yeah. Get our fucking opinion on it. This is the happens. Yeah. Our fucking opinion about it. This is the downside. Yeah.