The Downside with Gianmarco Soresi - #171 Diversity Pimp with Joseph Lymous

Episode Date: November 28, 2023

Actor, comedian, and puppeteer Joseph Lymous joins to share the downsides of being the newest member of Uncle Function, what it’s like to be a puppeteer in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, why being a diversity hire is not progressive as it seems, and discovering your neighbor’s hobbies in a very roundabout way. Gianmarco shares the downsides of touring in Europe, and the boys get drunk on a mystery minty liquor. Russell instigates a retelling of when Joseph and Gianmarco auditioned for the same voiceover part. You can watch full video of this episode HERE! Join the Patreon for ad-free episodes, exclusive content, and MORE. Follow Joseph on Instagram Follow Uncle Function on Instagram for all the latest Follow The Downside with Gianmarco Soresi on Instagram Get tickets to our live podcast recording in NYC on December 4 here: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/700533383207 Follow Gianmarco Soresi on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, & YouTube Subscribe to Gianmarco Soresi's email & texting lists Check out Gianmarco Soresi's bi-monthly show in NYC Get tickets to see Gianmarco Soresi in a city near you Watch Gianmarco Soresi's special "Shelf Life" on Amazon Follow Russell Daniels on Twitter & Instagram E-mail the show at [e-mail] Produced by Paige Asachika & Gianmarco Soresi Video edited by Dave Columbo Special Thanks Tovah Silbermann Original music by Douglas Goodhart Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode is brought to you by A Real Pain. From Searchlight Pictures comes one of the buzziest films at Sundance Film Festival, A Real Pain. Written, directed, and starring Oscar nominee Jesse Eisenberg alongside Emmy Award winner Kieran Culkin. Witness a hilarious and moving story about two mismatched cousins as they tour through Poland to honor their beloved grandmother. The adventure takes a turn when the pair's old tensions resurface against the backdrop of their family history see a real pain only in theaters november 15th welcome to the downside russell just ate a smelly sweet green salad up the studio really did i was hungry oh by the way so in europe some i can't say oh in europe in europe i i maybe i shouldn't say it's in europe because i don't say from Europe. Oh, in Europe. In Europe.

Maybe I shouldn't say it's in Europe because I don't know if I'm allowed to. Not in Europe. Over the border. Someone gave me for the podcast. You can bring back things. Can you bring back things? In the checked luggage you can. Yeah.

I thought like. Did you smuggle it up your ass? You brought it with you. Yeah, thank God the salad smell covered it. You made it here. So someone brought this to the podcast. Do you want a sip? I don't want it now, no. Come on.

Let's do a shot. Let's do a shot. Hell yeah. Good, good, good. You stay there. Let's talk. Can I sip on mine? What is it?

It looks like it says mint. I got to be honest. If it is minty, I don't want it. No, it says mintu. It does say flavor mint. And it just says from, guess where it's from? A village. Come, Marco.

Do you have anything with it? If it's mint. What's wrong with mint? The way it's bubbling. Oh, would you stop it? Because it looks like Listerine. It looks like Listerine. I'll have the first shot if I die. Oh, I love having a lovely salad from Just Salad and then vodka right after.

Right, you like three beers at lunch. I'm going to swish it. Just swish it. I'm going to throw up. You have to do it first. Okay. Pour it for me. No, I cannot open it. I can't smell it. Okay, welcome to The Downside. My name is J. Marcus Rezzi.

I'm here with my co-host, Russell Daniels. Hi. First time he's ever turned down alcohol immediately. And then we're here with a very special guest. Hi. Hi. Joseph Limus, everybody. Welcome to the podcast.

A little bit chaotic, but let me pour this shot real quick. How much is the shot? I'm going to actually go like glug. I don't think I can do it. Russell, will you shut the fuck up? Okay, this is not. It's just an alcoholic drink. Just a little bit.

So, Aval, can I tell you, vodka is my least favorite thing. That's great. That's great. Me too. I don't know if I'm going to. This is mouthwash. It's actually mouthwash. Smell it.

This is actually mouthwash. It's high-class. This is not vodka. Listen, this is a podcast fan who said this is for you and Russell. They said it's for you and Russell. Are you ready? I'm sorry. What was his name?

Now I'm freaking out. You see, I have a strain of paranoia. I'm like, what if it is poison? And this is how they got me. It says... You trust their label? Okay, let's read this. In the village of Koskenikorora.

Don't do that. It's white. It's okay. I can do it. We make a smooth, honest vodka. We've added fresh and cool Nordic mint and a touch of sweetness to create a strong mint liqueur with a refreshing taste. It's as simple as that. Bottoms up, boys.

I'm not bottoms up. I'm going to sip on it. I'm going to sip it. Delicious. Thick. Why is it so thick? That is delicious. I am not an alcohol guy.

Was this vodka? That was the best thing I've ever had. Oh, I could get fucked up on that. Good? Wow. Thank you. It's still doing things. It's still bubbly.

It's still doing different things. It is bubbly. Yeah. Well, for the three of you still listening, I am very excited to be back. I know for you, you get this every week, but I've been gone for a bit. I've missed Russell. So long. I'm so happy to have-

Yeah, how long were you gone? Whew, baby, I was gone. Is that milk? Don't do it. Oh, my God. You want to throw up. milk? Don't do it. Oh my God. You want to throw up. I

was in Europe for three, for nine days. So I did one in Milan. Good shows. That was the first one. A little bit of a culture shock. They didn't quite get all the references. And they do this weird thing when they applaud.

Instead of a big laugh, they just go to applause. And they would bring up the lights on the audience every time they would applaud. instead of a big laugh, they just go to applause. They would bring up the lights on the audience every time they would applaud. If I did crowd work, they would bring up the lights slightly. If they applauded, they would bring up the lights slightly. It was a very different thing. What was more embarrassing is when I would do crowd work was when it wasn't

going anywhere. You just want to be able to smoothly pivot out of it. When the lights go up, it really highlights your failure to make anything of the interaction. So that was great. Then I did London

for four days. Spent one day going, who knows, we're in the UK to visit Tova's British grandmother. Got a sweatshirt. We got a sweatshirt.

This is the equivalent of wearing an I Love NY shirt, but it's cool here. And then I just did Berlin, Amsterdam, Paris, 111. How was Berlin? I mean, the shows were great. Yeah. I've always been curious. Everybody talks about Berlin.

Yeah. Everybody talks about Berlin. It's like a real party place, right? Like a party for days. talks about Berlin. Yeah. Everybody talks about Berlin. It's like a real party place, right? Like a late, like party for days. Yes, yes. Yeah. And then people go in the 70s, they would go and make their like depressed albums there.

Yeah. They would like, like David Bowie had his Berlin trilogy where he like went and was like sad and like played with synthesizers. You know what I mean? And other people did that too. But I feel like Berlin was a place to go in the late 70s to be sad and make music. I wasn't there long enough to get a vibe.

All I know is from the shows, it seemed like a lot of them, it was their first time laughing in their whole lives. Oh, no. Did they like it? They liked it. The feeling. You felt there were so many different kinds of laughs. It was just like, hee, hee, hee, hee.

They had all read about laughter. They had all read about laughter. It'd be like coming for the first time. You're like, you've read that it's a feeling. And then they feel it. And then they, ha, ha, ha. They're in the bathroom. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And they loved, I mean, they loved. They liked the Holocaust jokes. That was fun To do in Germany Wow Right at the source Yeah Yeah

It was It was good My opener For the first show It was stressful You go You go to a whole new country Yeah

My brain just has to Really be on To just navigate When like Some strain of joke Isn't working at all And my opener 30 seconds And I looked at the thing. It goes, oh, what's your name?

Where are you from? And she was like, I'm Israeli and Palestinian. And it was right out the gate for a show in Berlin. And I was like, OK, here we go. We're in it. And again, even that, I don't know how they talk about politics. I don't know whose side they about politics. I don't know whose side they're on, so I can

pander to them. Usually, when in doubt, you can make fun of America, I imagine. Everywhere. Everywhere. You can be like, I'm not like them. You know what I mean? Like our country. You can make a mass shooting joke anytime. That's their thing for us.

Our thing for French is what? You're smelly, you're scary. And baguettes in your bag. You smoke cigarettes. You're rude, maybe. Oh my god! They are rude, though. It's very specifically kind of rude.

People were nice. When I went to the airport, when I landed, the moment I got off the airport, someone slammed into my bag and didn't say anything. And then I saw it happen five times on the street. So that's the part that was rude. They're walking fast? What's happening? They don't give a shit.

They're walking fast, and they don't move. They don't do this. I think that people go to Paris and forget that Paris is a city like New York is a city. It's scarier than New York. It's busy. They have bikes and streets. It's the chaotic of the street

and the chaotic of a lot of bikes. But we're their tourists, so they deal with a lot of stupidity. Sure. I've never bumped into anyone and said anything other than, oh my God, I'm so sorry. Oh, really?

There's a comedian. I think his name is Sebastian Marx. He's in Paris. He says in America, you do that because you don't know if they have a gun. Oh. But in Paris, you feel more confident, so you're like, well, fuck. What are the traits of Amsterdam? Again, it was so-

Weed. Weed. Lots of weed. We talk about the weed. So I did do a Europe trip right after I graduated college. My father was like, you should go to Europe for three months. And he was right. He was like, you'll never be able to do this again.

And I did. And I went to Amsterdam. And I did traditional weed. Got high. and I went to Amsterdam and I did like traditional we got high was in a was in a in a line and they passed around a joint that was like

this big and you had your own cone for germs or whatever I did that Anne Frank I got a happy ending massage

nice it was it was it was weird I wanted to I wanted to Go see a sex worker But I was too scared of STDs

And so I went This is your first trip, not this last trip Fuck, Tova I thought that you were talking about this trip You thought I was talking about this trip? He thought he went to a happy ending All three of us, I am in a closed relationship. Okay.

I, no, my God, no. Dova's not chill with that, so I didn't do it. The, okay. Wait, I had a question, though. Or I had a statement. I feel a little bad for the places that were known for weed because I feel like that's not really a viable personality anymore. No.

It's legalizing everywhere. It's legalizing everywhere. Yeah. So Denver for a long time was like, hey. And I went there and I was like, you guys got to figure out a new personality. You have to figure out a personality, guys, because it's not coming through right now. And in Denver, you have to sit in a waiting room, and it still is kind of strict. But the thing that Amsterdam does have is, and I wish I could have gotten it.

It wasn't there long enough to get high, but indoor smoking. So if we could have an uncle function meeting in a pop place and pass around a joint. Now, that's fun, and we do not do that here right now. That's nice. Not like in a coffee shop. Oh, I see. You want public. It was just like a public.

Oh, it smells like weed. Ooh, you want to try this? Yeah. Have a hit of mine. That's fun. Well, I'm drunk. So this is the... I actually like it now.

Me too. Yeah. It's hitting me right here. It's hitting me right here. It's hitting me right there. It goes in and it goes right here. You're listening to The Downside. With Gianmarco Cerezi. This is The Downside.

This is a place where we let ourselves get negative. We complain. We bitch. We moan. Even if we're in a good space, we find out what's wrong with it. If you're a fan, join the Patreon. Patreon.com slash Downside. We got one bonus episode every month.

Our live episodes. Russell is drinking milk. It's truly, truly sipping milk. Whole milk. Whole milk. This is unpasteurized whole milk. Wow. Oh, my God.

I really wanted it with my salad, and then I forgot, and then now. They don't sell that at Sweetgreen. No, I went to Food Emporium. Wow, two-store meal. Russell, for some reason, when we had our last meeting, we had our uncle function. We had a pitch meeting with a big production company. The cameras were on, and it captured you working for like two hours.

Oh my God, wow. And then just darkness for many, many gigabytes. And I didn't watch it, but I thought it would be funny, because you were making work calls. Oh. And I was just like, and you were saying, you say the F slur often when you're frustrated with your laptop.

I deleted it all. I did something. So my trainer is a gay man. Congratulations. At some point, thank you. At some point, he said to someone else, another guy at the gym, he's like, I saw Bo and Yang yesterday. And I felt like I did this thing where I tried to be like, it was a mix of like, oh, I know who Bo and Yang yesterday And I felt like I did this thing Where I like Tried to be like It was a mix of like

Oh I know who Bo and Yang is And also like I'm gay adjacent I felt like I tried to do a very And it was just like it happened And then I was like What were you doing? What's gay adjacent?

I just felt like Just to be like Oh I'm in I like gay culture Like I did I thought you were going to say Comedy adjacent Which makes more sense But it's I thought you were going to say comedy adjacent, which makes more sense.

But it's both. I think I did both. Gay comedy adjacent. I think a thing that I do sometimes that I'm calling out of myself is that if I meet a gay man who I don't know where I try to be like, hey, I am friends with a lot of gay people, too.

We hate that. I know. I know. I'm not saying it's good. I'm not saying it's admirable. I hate fabulous. Oh, my God. Fabulous.

Immediately, everything turns to fabulous. I don't think I say fabulous. I think I've trained myself enough. Do you have any sense of what I'm talking about at all? I do. I don't. I bring up you being in Titanic so often yeah as a like yeah and that makes y'all I'm sorry I'm glad I'm

here let's work this out Wow using your own things you're just using my things I could say I had my dick sucked In musical theater camp I could like Just go right into it That's a fun fact Yeah it is I guess I'm just wondering What are you looking To get out of it

When you do that I'm not Listen This is not me calculating And going like Ooh this I'm just saying like My natural like

Hey I'm Straight gay Yeah I see You just want to be liked Yeah You just want to be liked Yeah That's okay

But I also think It's a degree of like I don't It's We've talked about this before Of like Not When a bunch of straight guys

Are there And they're talking about Whatever they talk about Travis Kelsey or whatever I'm like Well that's not We're not having a conversation here Right

So I want to be like Hey let me I would love to talk about Yeah This Yeah But not engage in sex That's the problem That's the problem We're not having a conversation here. So I want to be like, hey, let me, I would love to talk about this. But not engage in sex. That's the problem. That's the problem. I had a good friend from college, and I feel like where we really diverged was when we moved to New York.

He started being like, I want to have gay peers and go out, and this is my nightlife. And it was just like, oh, well, I'll go with you to the musical. But after the musical, nah. Well, we don't want you there anyway. Really? If you're not going to participate. Yeah, if you're not going to participate. I'm assuming that what you're saying, after the musical,

the way you said it, after the musical, we don't want you at that party. Yeah, what would you be doing there anyways? Just like... I went to one gay club in college. Setting up boys. It was a lot. Yeah, setting up boys.

Setting up boys. I would love to be a wingman. Setting up boys? What is that? That's the problem. They don't need any fucking help. Setting up boys, like putting them in a line or a row. He's like a matchmaker.

I don't think they need that. I see. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd be like, you two should... Oh, you're already sucking each other off. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

You don't need my help at all. No. We don't need you, honey. We don't need you. I like imagining him being a little messenger, though, like going in between. Yeah. Oh, that's so funny. Yeah.

So I feel that alcohol. Me too. No, truly. I'm saying it went up right into the forehead And it's expanding there It's a lot It might We might have

Final footage of all of us dying From whatever this is Suicide pact Minthulu What is it called? Mintu Mintu Mintu

Joseph Yes So you are This is a fun fact You are now We've now had every member of Uncle Function on Have we? The podcast

We had Douglas This was back when we did Patreon exclusives It was a great episode Yeah You can still listen to it If you're on the Patreon Patreon.com slash downside Yeah

We've had Chris on Yeah Which it's there We've had We've had Chris on. Yeah. Which it's there. We've had... We've had Jessica on. Jessica. Jessica was the first episode we had as a Patreon exclusive. And she talked about having a baby.

And it was such a good episode. I was like, I don't want to just keep this behind the paywall. And that kind of got rid of the Patreon exclusives. Jessica tore down that wall. Jessica tore down that wall. And now you're here. Hey. I'm the newest one, so that makes sense. Jessica tore down that wall. And now you're here. Hey, I'm the newest one,

so that makes sense. I'm so bummed. Uncle Function had a show at Caveat. They described to me your Steve Urkel sketch. And it's one of those sketches where I hear it and I go, surely that can't be

an entire sketch. And then apparently it fucking crushes. Yeah. And how do you... just say the log line of the sketch. Oh, the log line is like Steve Urkel figures out how to deliver Did I Do That. Yeah. Because he does it the exact same way every time.

From the beginning when he was like a walk-on character all the way through to like he was the main guy. He said it exactly the same way every single time. Can you bless us with a line reading? Did I do that? And it crushed. I heard tell that it crushed. And did you know, did you have any thought,

did you have any thought in your head of like because that's one of those sketches where if that first one does not work you go well you got 20 more did I do that no but what's good is like what's the fun of it and why it was Joseph trying to make a classic harmful function sketch

is that it's the coaching of it because like he does it and it doesn't go well he like does a different line yeah there's a few line reads and it's ridiculous when you it. Because he does it and it doesn't go well. He does a different line. Yeah, there's a few line reads. And it's ridiculous. When you hear that I do that without that tone, it's like, what? We know that's wrong, buddy.

The coach is coaching him to what it needs to be. And so it's like you're getting to a place where it's like, when Jessica at one point is like, think of the tone. It's like, da-da-da-da. And then like, try that. So like here,

it's like finding this thing. So to your point, really, all I wanted was that last page. In order to make it an Uncle Function sketch, we gotta talk about it

and they gotta have characters and coaches and there has to be a whole setup. So for me, I just knew that if you got people in unison saying that I do that,

that was gonna be funny. Like, if we do it right now, it's going to be an automatic laugh. It turned into a course at the end. We ended it with like in three part harmony being like, did I do that? I want to pull the audience to know,

cause I feel like, uh, there must've been audience members who've never seen that show. I, I watched it. It's still funny. What channel was it on? ABC?

ABC, CBS, NBC. ABC. It was on both. It was one of those ones that transferred to the WB? Or UPN? I feel like I saw reruns on... The WB at some point didn't have a lot of black shows. Had a lot of black shows, but I don't know if the WB's hot time crossed over with Family Matters. No.

Family Matters was, I think, ABC. I think it was like Family Matters, Whole House. Yeah, I think that's right. ABC. Did you watch it a lot? Step by step. Because I saw it like here and there. Like I know some of the characters.

I watched. Yeah, it was the Friday night lineup. What was that called? TGIF. TGIF. With Sabrina the Teenage Witch? It was on TGIF. Carl Otis Winslow.

That was his full name. Step by Step was also there. And then what season did... I like the pitch because Urkel invented something he drinks and then he's sexy. No, it's a machine. It's a machine. He goes into the machine. He comes out without glasses.

I'm glad with the judgment. I just feel like his pitch, he was like, I'm famous, but no one wants to fuck me. Yeah. Who do we have? Oh, but they did. The screams, every time he would walk onto the soundstage, the screams were insane. And it wasn't because they thought he was so funny. Yeah.

It was always like loud young girls being like you know he was like he was like probably like before he went on like straight being like look at how i am straight yeah and up and then sure we had that moment in the sketch as well women love it when a straight guy just goes yeah well it's gotta be weird to start a character like pre-puberty, and then one day you're just like... I mean, he was a star. He came on. He was only supposed to be, I think, like a small thing. Yeah, he was in the cold open.

The first episode, he's just like quickly in the cold open. But at a certain point, they loved him so much that they started reintroducing him. So we all knew this was the neighbor next door, but there's an episode, I think it's in season one, where he goes around the room introducing himself as if they nor we had ever met him. Yeah. That's so crazy. That's your dream of it. When I did CBS's Blue Bloods, I was like, reporter number two, what if they keep bringing him back? It's a good show?

Does it hold up? It's so rapey. Oh, yeah. All the Laura stuff is very rapey. Yeah, the whole... Oh, he's just like... The whole time he's like, Lara, bazooms! He's always pelvic thrusting. The episode's tracked like this.

He's like, Lara, my sweet, my bazooms. There's one where he's in a costume, dresses a frog, and he's like, why don't you help a horny toad out? The whole thing is like, go home, Steve! And then he leaves, and everyone's like, aww. whole thing is like, go home, Steve. And then he leaves and everyone's like, aww. And they're like, come back, Steve. We didn't have to be mean to you.

You can fuck Laura. Go ahead. And they fuck? I don't remember what the latter episodes are. They get together at some point, I think. She ends up allowing him to be prom king with her because she feels bad for him. But the whole time he's like,

I'm gonna get down. I'm wearing you down, baby. I'm wearing you down. Literally a line, yeah. I'm wearing you down, baby. Did it feel like he's wearing her down to fall in love or to fuck? I mean, he was always talking about her bazooms.

Yeah, we're talking about the bazooms. Bazooms are her breasts. Bazooms. You gotta stop talking to gay peopleooms. Yeah, we were talking about the bazooms. Bazooms are her breasts. Definitely. Bazooms. Yeah, you got to stop talking to gay people, baby. Do your thing. Bazooms. Bazooms.

Melons, you know. Melons. You know what I'm saying? Melons. Bazooms. I've never... I went through... When I did Mad Libs, do you ever go through the Mad Libs phase

where you were like, oh, instead of saying... Phase, no. Where you could, when you were a kid, you could make the words like, boobs. Nasty stuff.

And jugs. Jugs was a big one we used for tits. Yeah. I like jugs. I like tits. I like tits. I like tits. I like tits.

That's what you say to fit in with the straight guys. I like jugs. I like tits. I like jugs. I like tits. Yeah, I loved putting the nasty stuff in everything. There's that whole thing, like like if you're going in a bush and you're feeling something smush, diarrhea, diarrhea.

I used to sing, if you're humping on a lady and you're feeling something crazy, diarrhea, diarrhea. That's one that I made up in elementary school. You mean if you're humping on a lady and you're feeling something crazy, diarrhea, diarrhea. Is that you having diarrhea or is that her having it?

I have no idea. Oh, yeah. I was a child. It was Mad Libs. It was Mad Libs. But all my Mad Libs for a while were just like, he took his poopy head into her. One time I remember I was living in New York City, so it's not that long ago. I was playing a game with people and they had that energy

of like, can you believe? Like we were playing some game where you had to fill out words and things. And they had the energy of like, wouldn't it be crazy if we said bad words, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was so mad because I was like,

didn't you get this out of your system? Like it felt so juvenile. But that's what, I went to see Anthony Chesilnick, who's my favorite comedian, I saw him at Carnegie Hall when I got back from Europe. And he's so good,

where some of the jokes, even I go, I'm like, whoa! And I think about, especially being with all the people, I was like, oh, for me, it's a little edgy. For a regular

person, it's like the fucking crazy shit they've ever heard in their entire life. And that's just one of those things where when you do too much comedy, you're numb to a degree. But for regular people, playing cards against humanity is the darkest thing that they've ever said. If they saw the things that you texted

me, they'd be like, oh my god! Is this a crime? This doesn't count as free speech, I don't think. Not that bad. Do you say fucked up things in your group chats? If your phone, like, whole contents put up online, TMZ, front page. I think a lot of feelings would be hurt. Z, front page.

I think a lot of feelings would be hurt. I really don't really like to engage in group chats. They stress me out. If I'm in a group chat and it's couples or friends, I automatically just add John and he deals with the group chat. You could tell.

Even in the Uncle Function group chat, it takes me a while to get to shit because I'm like, I don't want to have to deal with each chat is like seven, 17 people when it used to just be one. I've always been frustrated with Uncle Function group chat. I'm a text. I'm a big texter. And I feel like I'm way more than anyone else in the group. Yeah. And so it's just a lot of hurt feelings.

I want to know what the Uncle Function group chat is that I'm not in. Because I imagine that you kept it. That when you added me, the old one without me is still there. How active is that? It is. It's not very active, though. I would say there's... I mean, this is all behind the curtain, to a degree.

This is all behind the curtain. But yeah, it exists. Me, Russell Douglas, and Chris, sometimes there's certain activity there. And that's without Jessica. That's without Jessica. But she's in the chat. No. There's a separate one. There's one of like... How many combos? I have to imagine there's one of everyone without one person.

Of course. Yeah. I'd be horrified. I feel like we could end every friendship if we just laid them all out. Oh, my God. I meant to say this one. My old manager, not even the last one, the one before that, they once, one of them texted me like,

oh, Jamarcus being so annoying right now, he wants to, you know, make a living. And he texted that to you? And he texted that to me? And he texted that to me. And then they said, all they said was, that wasn't for you. Disregard. No! And I was like, how dare you? How dare you not apologize?

What is the way out of it? Because I think the only way I can think of it. Who was it? Say the name. The only way I can imagine if I accidentally did that is saying, which is what I would say to you if I was being really aggressive. How do you come back? You just fire that person immediately.

Who were they trying to text? My other manager, the senior one who also handled me. Let me see if I can find it. That is such a nightmare. Okay, what do you say? I would say, I would just, I would be very, full explanation, I'd be like,

hey, this is embarrassing. You saw that. I know. I was feeling very frustrated, but I know it's not your fault, and you've every right to be upset at me. I respect you. I was just landing off steam.

That's my tactic. I don't mean any of it. You've really worked that out. Wow. Okay, I'm going to see if I have it. What would you say? Well, I'm very thankful, first of all, for the edit thing.

You could unsend text now. Oh, yeah, that's true. She changes annoying to, like, fantastic. Big typo. I want to see if I have it. She changes annoying to, like, fantastic. A big typo. I want to see if I have it. Did I delete it? Okay. I might have it.

Okay. I might have it. There it is. How much more correspondence did you have after that? Because that feels like... Yeah, that should have been the end. No, it was another good three years of... Jesus. My God.

Oh, my God. Okay. You guys talk while I look at this. This is terrible. Okay. Have you ever sent a text like that, an accidental text? I don't think I have. I'm very careful about that.

Nothing of that nature. I've done one once that I was like... What'd you do? It was a person visiting New York who was kind of being annoying about like meeting up like it was like they wanted to meet up and they were kind of like asking to meet up multiple times and then they

were like then it was like very inconvenient it was like they were like just come to where I'm staying blah blah blah and I came to where they're staying and it was like another friend who knew them came with me and then it was like they didn't want to leave the hotel so they just wanted us to come to their hotel and like have a drink and we were there for like half an hour and then they were like okay i'm going to bed you need to leave and and i was like and also okay i'm just

gonna say it because i don't think this person's listening um And also if they are, I kind of, we're still friends, but like, this was an annoying thing. They also made me purchase like a piece of their art while I was there. Made you? It was very, it was like you can Venmo $25 right now to like, so it was like, I was trapped in the room. Put it in your bag. I had to like Venmo for their art. And then they also were kicking me out like after like getting there for only half an hour and coming a long way to go there

so when i left i was like texting another friend another mutual friend thinking being like oh like they they i was like there for 30 minutes are you fucking and then kicking us out are you fucking kidding me and i texted that to the person. Jesus. And they were like, but it wasn't that bad. Do you know what I mean? That's also,

it was true. It was like, it was true. That is true. And it was like, and so it wasn't that bad of a thing. I, it would have been worse if I was like,

and he made me buy his shitty art. Like, do you know what I mean? Then it would have been way worse. Oh my God. All right. Hopefully no, this is a, how long Hopefully, no. This is a...

How long ago is this? This is... This is 2017. I think I'm safe. You don't have to say the name. FYI, just had a long convo with Jamarco. He hates the rewrites on the play, and after a week of rehearsal,

thinks he wants to quit. I told him pros and cons, and that basically this is a low-opportunity cost venture either way, but not good for him to quit. I told him pros and cons and that basically this is a low opportunity cost venture either way, but not good for him to quit a weekend. He is going to think about things and write us an email later. Maybe this is a good lesson for him. Either way.

I know this is annoying in parentheses. He has been annoying me for two days. What? Just wanted to give you a heads up in case you don't feel caught off guard. Wait, can I, and then the most amazing thing about this is that this is not one long text. This is text, text, text, boom, sent to John Marco.

No, it's separate. Let me see. They're separate. They're separate texts. Oh, my God. So it's really like a. Very young and stupid. It's a very young person thing.

Or they're old and stupid. No, no, they were like same age. Young's a very young person thing. Or they're old and stupid. No, no. They were like same age. Young. Same age. Just incredible. Wow. He's been a boy.

I mean, that is, let me say, you can't quit your show after a weekend. That is a crazy thing to have people doing it and stuff. But, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a mistake to send that to you. You ever quit a show? I've turned stuff down. I recently turned on a show that's a mistake to send that to you. You ever quit a show? I've turned stuff down. I recently turned on a show that a friend of mine wanted me to do.

Yeah. But you've never quit in the middle of a show? No, I don't think that that's ever happened. I'm really spilling my own tea, but it's been so long. It was just like a show that I agreed to. And this is why I quit theater. Theater is... I didn't quit.

They were begging. They were begging. And I said, no. Wait, Russell, what is that? I have so many beverages. Yeah, you're crazy. I have water. I have cold brew milk.

I have that vodka. Not yet. No. We have a show tonight. I know. We have a show tonight. We have... This tonight. I know. We have a show tonight. It's just so funny. We have some industry person

looking at the show, but it's one of our less comedic ones. We're having on a guy, Ari Hershkowitz, who left the Hasidic community, and it was part of the documentary, One of Us. It's one of those things where I'm like, sometimes they'll send industry to my new material show or those things where I'm like, sometimes they'll send

industry to my new material show or this, and I'm like, oh, do you want to check in? Because this isn't the one to send them to. This is the crazy... They should have sent them right here. It would have been better right now. Sure.

I got to tell you. I know it's not fun to hear this again and again I am drunk I am 100% drunk Oh my mind is swimming It's a slight buzz There's lights in your face You take a couple shots and you got lights

I'm just saying like It was just like a play That I Agreed to I got it. I got the offer faster than I had time to think about it. And you read the sides and you convince yourself, it's not that bad.

We all know this feeling. It's not that bad. It's not that bad. And then suddenly you're in the barrel. You get that rehearsal email. And you're like, oh, I'm going to work on this piece of shit for eight hours a day for six weeks. And it was just like a moment it was it was this was 2017 this was right at the time that i was falling in love with stand-up

comedy and i was like i don't want to be in a room i don't to do script analysis what happened to the show uh it it's it went to broadway everyone who was in it is now major movie stars. It was August of Sage County. No, it had a run. I dropped out early enough that it was okay. But it was just like there was a feeling after doing acting classes for a decade

where you're doing script analysis on a bad script and you're like, so let's talk about why this character would choose to do this and you go i know why because it fucking sucks and it doesn't make any sense and you want me to like do mental gymnastics to pretend that this is some deep motivate i can't i can't do it yeah theater can be horrible especially because you have to do that shit every day no offense i know you're on

broadway and that's all great, but doing a show every day can be so taxing no matter what the show is. I think it's going to break you the sincerity that actors just have to have so much of like, wow, we're doing,

this is great. We talked about, I'll bring it up, you don't have to. There was a thing where it was like people singing Bring Him Home. Very concerning. Can I talk about that? No, I mean, I'll bring it up. You don't have to. There was a thing where it was like people singing Bring Him Home. Very conservative.

Can I talk about that? No. I mean, I wasn't involved in it. Sure. It was just like a Broadway sings Bring Him Home for the hostages with Israel. And there was a feeling of just like they think this musical Les Mis, They think this musical, Les Mis, which was like a very complex historical thing. They're going to sing this song.

It all just feels so self-aggrandizing, if you really think of it. Totally. It's hard. I remember when people made fun of it when Broadway sang it at the Democratic National Convention. Oh, yeah. That was Hillary Clinton, right? No, it was... Oh, yeah. I no it was oh yeah yeah it was hillary clinton and it was just there was a feeling of just like yeah yeah really there's a lot of that yeah a lot of it it's it's oh it's so much oh i mean i know the thing is like you're like you know it's we talked to josh about uh uh

uh oh my god that's that's where that's where i am uh josh henry who was in hamilton You know, it's... We talked to Josh about... Oh, my God. That's where I am. Josh Henry, who was in Hamilton. And he wasn't part of the show at the time, but when Mike Pence went to Hamilton and they made, like, an impassioned speech at the end, like, Mike Pence, now that you've enjoyed the show, please don't hate gay people.

And it was just this thing where I wanted to be, like... I kind of said, it's like, the real thing to do was you don't do the show. You don't fucking gay people. And it was just this thing where I wanted to be like, where I kind of said is like, the real thing to do was you don't do the show. You don't fucking do the show. I'm not doing the show for this person. That's the revolution. But like, you're literally doing a show about revolutionaries. Or you get him kicked out.

You'd be like, no, we're not doing it. So have him leave. Or every song you end with a fuck. Fuck you, Mike. Anything. If you have a fucking other guy on stage, you go, ah. Anything.

Anything. But the, I couldn't handle it. Do you feel, because you're in theater. I am in theater, but I have said for many years that I quit theater. I did a show earlier in the year, but it really,'s it's hard and it's so little money in comparison to film and tv it's like you make what you make in one

week for theater what you make in one day in film and tv insane it's really insane there's a really crazy imbalance there and it's like you're supposed to love it because like it's the joy of the live experience so like pay me more yeah for the live. I mean, I like having the like, I like having people. I like having the immediate thing. Yes. I mean, not right now,

but when I was in Titanic, I liked having people and having that immediate thing. Yeah. But I can't imagine, it really is, it's so tough, just the schedule of it.

Yeah. That you're like, you feel crazy. You feel like, like when I did nine months of Titanic, I was like, I can't do this same show anymore. Yeah, I bet. I could maybe go back at some point, but I can't do this same show anymore.

That's when I realized that at first I was stand-up, but I was doing my own show. And when I was doing my own show, and I was like, I don't want to do this every night. It's not even, I was like, well, this is the most ideal A lot of it's not even the show sometimes It's just the fact that you're going to It's something about

You're going to the same building And you're the same night At the same time And it's over your head The same time All day long Every night is when you Yes

And every night you get out at the same time And every night you're missing certain things And every So it's almost like Even if the show is just different, it's a little bit of a thing, but even then it's like I've now done almost a year of just being in shows and it's

like I couldn't do I couldn't do it for, I couldn't like have five years where I just did theater in a row. You would need breaks. I remember I saw Philip Seymour Hoffman doing Death of a Salesman and he walks on the beginning of the show. And he comes in with his suitcase, and he just goes up to his wife and he goes, I have such dark thoughts.

And then he sobbed. And I remember thinking like, oh, so if all my dreams came true, I would have to do that every night. Put yourself in that place to be like, okay, great. Got to the theater. I signed in. Okay. Get into a deep depression state to then go on stage and do that. So I saw that show and he died maybe a year after. No, sorry.

Closely to when he did that. Closely. It wasn't much time. He did that and then died fairly soon after. So long ago, I was living in Soho and I don't think I was in therapy yet,

but I had, what looking back was like a full-on minor OCD attack and I had left the coffee pot on. And in my mind, I could not,

that whole show, let go of this constant thought of oh, the apartment is going to burn down. And so much so that the moment Intermission came, I ran to my phone and I was Googling the kind of Mr. Coffee, do Mr. Coffees ever burn down? And I,

it's so, for me, it's so tragic that I got to be part of this, one of the last live shows of Philip Seymour Hoffman, and I was not present for it. Stressed, yeah. At all. I was thinking about this coffee pot,

and I feel like that's part of when I was like, oh, I have a little bit of a problem. Yeah. I just realized now I left the coffee thing on at my other apartment. Uh-oh.

It's really close. It's fine. I really just love like, oh, oh. I'm fine. I was living in Soho. I hadn't I'm fine. I was living in Soho. I was living in Soho. I was,

it was, my uncle, it was again, my uncle, I was paying 550 a month. Oh, that's great. It was good. That's great.

It's great for Soho, baby. So, okay. I've always wanted to talk to you about, because for people who don't know, we should have said more. Joseph is a phenomenal comedian. I'm just this dude sitting here talking to y'all.

That's it. But also a puppeteer. I do do puppetry. In the toilet, I do do it. When did you start puppetry? I started doing puppetry maybe in 06. This is back when Backstage was an actual magazine. You had to go buy it for $2.50 or whatever.

There was a company based on it. They don't even print it anymore? I don't think so. You had to go get it back in the day. What an obnoxious fucking magazine. You needed to go get the breakdown. That magazine, every interview with a professional was so annoying. It was terrible.

But yeah, they were looking for people with the depth of an actor, the grace of a dancer, and the timing of a comedian. I the timing of a comedian oh a homosexual that's exactly who I am but the work was a lot of lecoq like clowning big masks creatures puppets things like that and I toured for like almost five years internationally with that company doing puppetry and then when I quit the company I came back to New York and started getting emails about puppetry. I'm like, I'm not a puppeteer. They're like, no, baby. What you were doing,

those puppets you were manipulating for the last five years, you're a fucking puppeteer now. Because that's like, it's so, it is just crazy that, like I got into musical theater because I went to college for it. But like a lot of arts,

you just do it. Yeah, yeah. And then you are that thing. And I also went to college for it. What did you major in? Performing arts. Where? Emphasis in acting. University of Louisiana, Lafayette. Good training? Bad training? Terrible training. I was getting my training in New York. I was coming to New York to get my training every summer. And just was like, this is so stupid. Y'all are all lovely, lovely. Love my friends. Love all those people.

But the program was falling apart. The department heads were terrible. It was awful. Were you one of the best in class? For sure. They begged me to be the cat in Cat in the Hat. And I said no. And it was like the dean called me and was like, hey, this isn't a big deal.

You need to take this role. And I was like, I just won't deal you need to take this role like and i was like i just won't i can't what made you say no i was coming and doing shows in new york every summer you want me to be the fucking cat in the hat in the in the college play like i was so good on it like i just didn't need to do it i played cynics and a funny thing happened on the way to the forum yeah the year before that old before that, old man, love playing old man. What song does he have? That was it. Everybody ought to have a mate. Is he the one that just kind of

wanders around? No, that's Erroneous who just walks around. Oh, Erroneous, that guy. Phoenix is like the older dad. I love that show.

Do you have any dream roles? Do you think you could do that one? I should play Pseudolus or I could do Hysterium too. Yeah. Oh, sure. Yeah. I'll play Pseudolus.

There was a comment recently. Remember I had a clip that said like, oh, If you don't like musical theater It's going to be a tough episode And the comment was like Every episode is about musical theater And I was like okay, okay, that's not true Maybe this isn't your podcast

Don't say that You've already burned a bridge this week With one of our listeners It's a beautiful message that you wrote We'll tell later You don't want to read it? It's really beautiful. No, I'm not going to read that. You're such a good writer.

Well, I appreciate that. Too bad you don't ever write except to clap back at Instagram messages. Suddenly, you're like, I've got to clear out the day. I've got to do some drafts. Did you draft it outside of Instagram and put it back in? No, I just did it in the thing It was bothering me Because I didn't respond at first

And then I was like, no, I'm going to respond to this person I'm a terrible You don't clap back? No, I'm terrible I'm just not a I'm not a great writer For anything that's not like a joke I just like I just perfect probably i think i'm

so i'm so all my email my emails are are gross it's it's all the hey you're quick to the fuck you you're you're you're i get mad you're mad i think you're quick to the like but also like you can see my my add or whatever it is on display in my writing. Cause it's just like littered with commas and dashes. And I just can't complete the thought. And, uh, it's terrible. Yeah.

Damn. Where'd you go to school? University of Miami. Oh yeah. Terrible, terrible mistake. Well, you both went first performing.

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With ANC on, performance may vary based on environmental conditions and usage. Accessories sold separately. Talk to me about the is is being what are puppeteers like any any tropes about puppeteers is it like a because i feel like the ones that i know are a little bit like nerdy yeah yeah there's a lot of nerdiness because it's kind of a tech it's it's very much a technical job so in some ways it's like it's an art form but there's definitely a right and wrong way in people's minds about certain things it's like it's an art form but there's definitely a right and wrong way

in people's minds about certain things it's one of the most like nerve-wracking things is to like be a puppeteer with an audience of puppeteers it's like you know every little move you make everyone's like nope it's dead nope that's not right this is not right and it's not coming from a place of like malice it's just their nerdy new like neurons being like we And it's not coming from a place of like malice. It's just their nerdy new, like neurons being like, we got it. That's not it. So there's definitely a lot of nerdiness in it for sure. Which kind of puppet are you best at?

Cause I feel like there's so many different kinds. Oh my God. Because there's so many, there's the, I did. Thank you. I, with the last theater audition I ever did was for hand of God.

Oh yeah. Which, and I was like, I tried so, I the last theater audition I ever did was for Hand of God oh yeah which and I was like I tried so I saw Puppeteer and I oh my god I wanted this role so badly

I thought that was a good play yeah and I got a call back and then they said ah they said you're too tall and I was like

I'm done I'm done but what style are you best at so best at full body I think I really like. I like full body puppets.

That's kind of how I cut my teeth is in large, big puppets. It's just you or the one where, because sometimes I see you with a puppet and your back leg right side. Yeah, yeah. And I just feel like that's... Yeah, what you're talking about

I think is Bunraku puppetry which is like an old form of puppetry which is multiple people on one puppet. But then there's also like i'm gonna be tiptoe in the macy's day parade tiptoe is macy's new like christmas mascot character who exactly exactly it's a very big deal for macy's right now because they rolled it out three years ago and what macy's doesn't know is that they actually created a transgender deer so the first year tiptoe marched the Macy's parade Tiptoe was a boy and now Tiptoe is a girl and they didn't say the character is transgender but it did transition did they cut whatever puppeteer was operating their cock no it's all um yeah it's a comedy So So

What is Tiptoe though? Tiptoe is a reindeer She's a blue Young reindeer So wait How is it a boy And then a girl? Just the pronouns

They were using He him pronouns In the first year And someone noticed And they said And then now They're like She

Maybe they were like Allegedly I don't know I don't know That's what I heard The CEO's gonna turn on Fox News and be like What the fuck?'t know I don't know That's what I heard The CEO's gonna turn on Fox News And be like What the fuck?

Wait But I like I'm not saying Macy's Created a transgender character But I did hear that that happened I You know you're close I like imagining that

They had it two years of And they're like Didn't really take off As a boy Changed a girl Maybe it'll take off as a girl You know what I mean? Like

They're really You know It's interesting To have a character It's just a puppet A big puppet It's a blow up puppet boy. Change the girl. Maybe it'll take off as a girl. Do you know what I mean? It's interesting to have a character that... It's just a big puppet. It's a blow-up puppet. There's 11 of us. Is there a story behind it or no? She needs help believing herself. She can't fly. The community

makes wings for her and tries to help her fly. She needs help. Is there a book? I don't think there's a book. There's a lot of merchandise. There's a lot of merchandise. There's a lot of ornaments and plushies and things like that. So there is a woman who... Because all the reindeer, at least in Santa's story, they are guys, right? Yeah. Are they?

And they're brown. They're not blue. She's blue. That's so true. She's fully blue. She's blue. She's a beautiful blue. Like a Smurf.

Yeah. Well, lighter. A little lighter than a Smurf. So do you know what... Are you just part of the team? Do they go, you're gonna... What is your job that day? What is the skill that you'll exhibit?

So, my specific job is I'm the right side of the nose. You're gonna love this. Because you love how it's all separated into parts, right? I'm glad to... Because when I watch, I'll be like... Yeah, yeah. So the head puppeteer can manipulate Tiptoe's head left and right. But if it needs to go any further, then I'm on that.

And it also serves as like a stability for the head so that when she's walking, she's not just like bobble-headed out. Are you walking or are you on a float? We're walking. Okay. But we're not walking in the parade. We're just performing at the grandstand. Oh, okay. So it's like hours and hours of rehearsals for one minute. And you're holding a float? We're walking. Okay. But we're not walking in the parade. We're just performing at the grandstand. Oh, okay.

So it's like hours and hours of rehearsals for one minute. And you're holding a rope? I'm holding a rope. But then there's also poles underneath her. So do they say, oh, she's going to look that way, and you have to be like. Well, there's choreography. Well, yeah. What do you mean?

It's like you don't just. But like what. Oh, there she goes that way. What's the choreo? Just this? No, she can run. She jumps. There's probably some music.

And there's a whole color guard that's around us. Yeah. Really beautiful. There's actually, so there's one of the women in the color guard got a tattoo of Tiptoe. Like, this is crazy. So everybody in the puppetry world was like, of the Tiptoe puppetry world was like, oh God, she got a tattoo. This is so weird.

How crazy. Like, we're Tiptoe and she like got a tattoo but then i met her she showed me the tattoo and she goes it's been my dream to be in the macy's parade my entire life so when i got a call that i was going to be in it i knew i wanted to commemorate the moment so i got this tattoo because tiptoe is a character that needs help believing in herself. And I also need help believing in myself. I'm crying right now. It's beautiful. It's so beautiful. And just a bunch of puppeteers making fun of that lady.

Just making fun of her. And then she's a beautiful story. Gorgeous. What are your thoughts on your tattoo? And the tattoo is like a naked angel with a pussy spread open like this. It says believe in yourself. From behind. Have you ever done the Macy's Day Parade?

I've never done it, no I've only been once Is this fun? For like five minutes Is this just a fucking job? You didn't do it yet Do you enjoy it? I'm just saying like Is this a gig you're looking forward to?

Is this like It doesn't From my perspective It sounds like it sucks It's a job It's definitely a job But it's TV money Yeah Because it job, but it's TV money. Yeah.

Because it's broadcast. So it's TV money. There's residuals and everything. Really? Yeah. How many residuals? How many times are they going to air that? I don't know.

I don't watch the Macy's Parade. What would be a dream puppeteer job for you? I don't know. I don't really care that much about it. So it's like, it's like the third or fourth of my hyphens. So like, it's not necessarily something that,

you know, I lead with, but when you tell someone you do puppetry, they will grab onto all of that. You'd be like, I have cancer and I do puppetry. And they'll be like, what is puppetry?

Tell me about that. It just happens no matter where you are, no matter who the person is. Do you feel like you're dealing with, you work with some people that are like, puppetry is my life? Oh, absolutely. Whole life wrapped up in it, for sure. Your boyfriend? My boyfriend is primarily a puppeteer. Yeah.

Is that how you met? We met because I played a juvenile T-Rex in a show. And then four years later, I went to go see that show, and he was the new boy. Have you ever puppeted a thing together? Yeah, we have a TV show that we're developing together. He's also on tiptoe. He's the back left leg.

Is your bedroom filled with puppets? No. We have a studio, though. We have a three-bedroom, and our middle bedroom is the largest room, and it is full of eyes and heads, arms and legs and shit. I never watched, like, I wasn't a Muppets guy. Well, I was going to ask about Jim Henson. Yeah.

What's your relationship to Jim Henson or Muppets? I know all of his children, because they're kind of holding up the mantle of the Jim Henson company, the Jim Henson Foundation. There's all these kind of different entities of Jim Henson now. My relationship to it, I never watched Sesame Street. I thought it was boring. I preferred to play outside. I really didn't do a lot of children's programming. So puppetry really wasn't on my radar in that way.

I have complicated relationships with the Jim Henson company. I did work with them a couple summers ago. my radar in that way um i have a i have complicated relationships with the jim henson company i did work with them a couple summers ago i got i got invited to do uh in person like on camera workshop with them so like kevin clash who was the originator of the elmo role um donna kimball dark crystal um these like really amazing puppeteers working with them was wonderful but like it was a part of a diversity thing and like they had us in our little diversity like roped off area in the

space like they just they dropped the ball I'll just say straight up like Cheryl Henson daughter of Jim Henson I don't care we'll say it right here Cheryl Henson daughter of Jim Henson offered me money to go to LA and then went back on it like that kind of stuff they're just real f to go to LA and then went back on it.

Like that kind of stuff. It's just real fumbly with stuff. And this is after she sought me out. So like after George Floyd was murdered, I was called upon by Cheryl. She was like, we gotta find black people. Just like Uncle Function found me. We gotta find

black people. Where are they? And then she called me and everything proceeded to fall down the hill You know That is so funny I remember in March 2020 I said guys we have got to get on this now That's what I imagine is in the group chat I'm like

Where are we gonna go? We're five white people, where are we gonna go? We can talk a little bit about Tell me For years We're five white people Where are we gonna go? We can talk a little bit about Yeah, no, fucking Let's still Tell me I am curious For years Okay

No, you go No, you go No, no You were talking I'll go You weren't changing it Yeah, you go You go

I don't have anything I'll go I think for years We were like This is the group This is what it is Blah, blah, blah And then

Way back And then Way back Yeah I was the one. Back in its day. Well, because let me just say what I think is interesting about...

Because Uncle Function, obviously, started out with just five white people. Part of it was that Uncle Function started because of a parody of

That Bachelorette. Right. And That Bachelorette, I mean, the parody was of the show, and the show itself was also quite white. And it was just interesting how the trajectory... I always thought it was interesting how you had just this predominantly white show, and then the parody of it was the predominantly white, and then the sketch team from it.

And it's just the way that lack of diversity travels and continues has children, has all white children. Right, right. children as all white children. Right. Because it was like, it was just a degree of that's where the sketch team came out of and that was very white and it was probably because the show was very white, blah, blah, blah. And I also think that we...

It's a classic tale. Of course. It's just how it happens. Sometimes it's more direct, but it's like a parody. And then I think there was a fear once we liked the group. there was a fear once once like once we

liked the group there was a fear of anyone joining like of it being like the chemistry is undeniable no matter what so it was like this thing

but then it reached a point where it was like it was I made a push way early on way early on you did I think that we should

add more people to the group and we should diversify as a group and I think what we should add more people to the group and we should diversify as a group. And I think what happened was then you were less available and we were going to have to have people come in anyways. So it was a thing of like, we're going to have guests come and not think of it like this is an audition, but be open to falling in love. Dating. Yeah. But be open to falling in love.

Dating. Yeah. And it only happened once where we were like, oh, we're in love. Let's do it. That's the true part. I mean, that's the true part of just clicking. But I'm curious, especially in this industry, the way that you talk about with Jim Henson or with Uncle Function, like, how do you differentiate between, okay, someone's trying to diversify in a way that I'm being respected or that I am wanted versus, oh, I am being tokenized? I think it's very apparent up top. Like, it's just, for me, I've never,

I'm not someone who has these conversations, has been having these conversations post-2020. I've been having them my whole life. I'm a gay black person from the South. So for me, it's just, you smell fish immediately. And then I just say it. Just like I just said that just now, I walk into spaces and I will just say what is actually happening and actually what I feel.

Yeah, it's right off the top. One of the shows that I said no to, A Puppetry Job, it's a white woman who wrote this story. And the story is designed to save the elephants. And it's a story that takes place in Africa. And it's about this girl whose mother dies. And then she has to live with her old creepy uncle who's crazy. And this girl has this terrible fucking story. Terrible fucking life.

And she wrote this play to save the elephants. So I'm like, why you got to get niggas in the middle of this? Like, why? How do niggas got to be in Africa? Just have animals. Just have animals. Just do the animal part. Like, why am I having to puppeteer a left leg of a fucking elephant for you white people to save the African elephant?

Yeah. You're throwing me. I was like reading it. I said, oh, no. And they were so excited because i was going to play the uncle and i can do voices and i was going to he has a snake in his hat oh my god they were so excited you're going to be great for this role i was like no i'm not yeah thank you yeah that show's coming to the new victory theater

it really is it actually is yeah oh man um did you feel like there was a shift with with like casting work and acting work after george floyd did it feel very did it feel very sharp yeah it's pretty sharp it was pretty it was pretty apparent from white people that they felt like they weren't able to look jobs like that that happened like i started hearing from people like well that's it we can't work we can't work and then it became true that like yes i started to hear from people for instance cheryl henson out of nowhere being like i'm looking for you and i was like somebody email me that like cheryl henson daughter of jim henson is looking for you and i was like they must be looking for another guy and she was absolutely

looking for me specifically. I'm like, what's going on here? Well, I will say one thing that old reps of mine, old, old reps, what they would say to me as a white actor, they would say this. They'd say, oh, if this was the 90s, you would be on TV. You'd be a TV star. It's just different now. And I remember once,

and I didn't buy it whole. I wasn't just like, oh yeah. But I remember I ran into an old actor friend of mine who was also a white woman, and she was very cynical. And we both just discovered that our reps at the time were telling us this very exact same story. So it's just that you're a bad rep.

Like now you're bad and you need to be better. And I also need to be better because that's ultimately what's underneath it is that it's not that you can't work. It's that you just have to be better because more people are in the pod now. Exactly. So we all got to up our game. Or there's this degree of like, if it's, it's the bottom line,

like blaming everything on this. And you, you can say, oh, right now they're, they're working to make commercials more diverse in general. And it's like, well,

that's just the reality. If it's any comfort, it's just like, well, 20 years ago, they would have one black guy in, across all 10 TV shows. So there's just a degree of like,

well, other people dealt with it at different times, and now it's just the being mad at the system as opposed to acting like anything. It has shifts and tones, and you just have to adapt. I also think any artist also, I think, has a responsibility to be like, it can't just be like you like, accept me,

accept me. Then make something. Go do something. Do it yourself. Do something to prove that you are worth it. The best thing with acting is you have to be like well look at the numbers. We all can't succeed. There are going to be people who work really hard and do not succeed. I think what's so vicious

about the industry is you get these little crumbs that make you think like it's right around the corner right and you you it's it's like when a bad comedian performs for a hot crowd and you're like fuck they're gonna do this for five more years now yeah yeah yeah industry's so filled with this was an actor i just i just think about how long i was just acting and how i kept thinking it was right around the corner, but nothing was building. It's horrible. Yeah, but to your point, I think that it's just about making your own work. I always use the analogy of sandcastles.

I'm building my sandcastles, and I'm not asking you to look at them. I'm just building them. And if you want to see one, I'll tell you about it, but I'm ultimately not waiting for some godhead of the industry to come out and be like, Dad, give me – like, no. I'm just going to keep making my work. I do think the thing that has been lost to a degree is like – it feels like it's really tough to just be an actor, to just be – You've got to write your own shit then. Like it is hard.

to just be you gotta write your own shit then it is hard but I'm also like I gotta be honest if you have it up to you're just an actor or someone who is an actor who also creates other things and has an interesting I'm gonna pick that I'm not gonna pick the person who's three lines

or there's a reality of if you're just gonna be an actor you better be so fucking good that when you have three lines they go this Urkel character needs to be in every episode. Yeah, absolutely. But also, I just wanted to note this idea of why I hated the diversity thing or whatever. Oh, yeah. Putting people in that category, it makes white people more upset when you come out of it.

I think that that's what it is it's like explain that to me like so it's like this is a diversity program this is a diversity showcase this is like diversity so it's like okay you now we've created a section where like i'm over there in diversity and so like i make the diversity shows and i do the diversity i'm and i'm black and gay and poor and come from a military background so like oh i hit all these diversity marks but if i come out of diversity and try to do something white then it's like whoa whoa whoa whoa don't come out of your pen you are over there for that reason and that's just not something i fuck with i you feel it and i hate it you also feel like the people are patting themselves like

they're like we did it or we it's like almost like we solved it like it's not a it's not an evolving thing for me I also always thought it was interesting where like they would say again they'd be like oh it's tough to get a co-star

like that was a thing you wanted one line two line and there were all these I felt like there were all these TV networks where they would diversify the co-stars

and so all the lower level actors would be like I can't get a fucking line in long order yeah but all the fucking leads were still like a big white ass yeah oh yeah that is true didn't they change i feel like some of the diversity showcases changed the word that they use they did but i'll i'll say um one of them that i've done, they changed, they took diversity off. They called it the fabulous showcase. But it was on the check. Oh, funny.

I won't say who, but it was on the check. It was all this work. It's all in the deadline. Oh, they're shifting. Everything is going so great. And then you put it in my fucking money? In the thing it said what you were. Yeah.

Diversity pimp. Gay black. you were Yeah Diversity pimp Gay black Yeah gay black pimp They just put it like in the for I did JFL and I was on The Ethnic Show they changed it to The For the Culture Show But all the titles All the titles said it just called

Just for the Culture All the sign it said Just for the Culture, formerly known as the Ethnic Show. And it was such a – That makes sense because you are the black one of Uncle Function before I got there. Right? Definitely the gayest member. Most feminine member. And I think you're the black one.

I think Douglas would think of himself as the black one. No, he plays acoustic. Tell me why I'm the black member. He was in a soul band. A lot of your stuff is hip-hop, rapping, Reese Island, R.A. You are the hip-hop dancer. Colorful shoes. This is all giving very much like, yeah.

I had no idea. I'm just saying. The diversity was inside ourselves all along. They thought that you wanted to be on the next year they're like this motherfucker wants to be on the next year we got to get him booked oh you were you used to take hip-hop every week yeah isn't that right I miss it I miss it I mean I was never it was not I was never good but but and that's okay I have a fantasy of being able to do like comedic dance, like what Neil Patrick Harris... I want to host the Tony Awards, do a dance.

But here's my other vision. I want to do the Tony Awards. I told this to Toma. No one would like this. But you know how Ricky Gervais did the Golden Globes and he skewered Hollywood? You want to do that for the Tony Awards? I want to do that for the Tony Awards.

Can you imagine? You fucking losers. Bring him home. Why do you try harder? And this would have been on the other side, you fucking idiots. You fucking losers. Bring him home. Why do you try harder? And Miz would have been on the other side. You fucking idiots. You fucking idiots. Everyone watches all these revolutionary

things and they think like, oh, I would have been a revolutionary. I should listen to my government. No, you were in America. You were not on the side that they are talking about. You are crazy. You are crazy. And they are crazy. They are crazy. You are crazy. And they are crazy. Like, they are crazy. They are crazy.

I was saying, just to go back into it, there is such a thing with Israel and Palestine and everything going on, where there's this degree of, like, these soldiers holding up rainbow flags and being like, we stand for love degree of like, these soldiers holding up rainbow flags, and being like, we stand for love, and then they go to fucking,

they go to fucking, and behind them is a, they bomb a bunch of fucking, I mean, there's just this degree of like, I've seen more so, it's been highlighted, because of the conflict,

and where it is, of like, because it's pro-LGBTQ, that means it is wholesome in and of like, because it's pro-LGBTQ, that means it is wholesome in and of itself. And that means this is the good guys. And it's pretty nauseating to, it was nauseating to see this picture of a soldier holding a rainbow flag and it said like,

we stand for love. And then listening to the new york times uh doctors in gaza podcast today it was it was a really but it's it's yeah yeah yeah it really queerness in certain spaces and i'm about to say this i'm fully about to say queerness in certain spaces is sometimes used as a band-aid it's like if you just say it's queer or if you put the rainbow flag on it, it's like that somehow makes it, I don't know. Like it,

it makes it better. Like I feel like queerness was hot first. Yeah. All the hot shit of our generation. Like the rainbow flag got hot fast. And I appreciate that. I'm thankful for that. But my blackness is like trying to catch up,

but my blackness was in slavery. You know what I'm saying? Like, like, wait, thank God I'm gay. Cause wow. It feels like a code for white liberals to be like,

see, this is the side you should be liking. Right. Like this, I can, I'm, I'm showing you something and you can wrap your head around it and be like, see, this is the side you should be liking. Right, right. Like, I'm showing you something, and you can wrap your head around it and be like, oh, I like that. Right, right.

I do like that. And it's colorful. Yeah. In character and in color. Yeah. Let's go on to our next segment. This has got to stop. Oh.

Unless you have something else you want to share? No, I don't think so. Oh, wait, wait. I wanted to bring this up real quick. Before we go to this, you... What? What? Oh. something else you want to share? No, I don't think so. Oh, wait, wait. I wanted to bring this up real quick before I go to this. You, what? What? Oh.

What were you going to say? Uh-uh. What is this? No, I was joking. I was going to make a joke about, I was going to be like, are we going to talk about

our 2022 trip to LA? When you guys got that thing. Oh, you want to talk about the fight that we had? That was not a fight. It was not a fight. I'm sorry. It was not a fight.

No, I agree. I was going to make a joke and then now I took too long to say it and now it's not a funny thing. But I just thought it would be funny to talk about it. It was the worst. A series of things happened. Wait, is this about to be a public apology right now to me? No. Okay, good.

Because it was feeling very slowed down, and I felt like somebody's lens was about to fade. Oh, man. No, there was a – it was – listen. So, okay, let me break it down, and you tell me if I completely misrepresent. Because I'll take ownership for some of it. Joseph and I, we were staying in a'll take ownership for some of it. Joseph and I, we were staying in a house for an Uncle Function show.

All of us were. All of us. Didn't happen this year. Which is, did not happen this year. It was not just because of this. It was one of those things where it's so cool

because you're with all your friends. It was like real world. It was like real world. And the house wasn't... Without any fucking. Without any fucking. The house was like, it wasn't... That's when I went over to diversify the group. I was like, we. And the house wasn't... Without any fucking... Without any fucking... The house was like... It wasn't...

That's when I went over to diversify the group. I was like, we need more pussy in here, fellas. Yeah. I get that. I get that. Because it's also hard for me because I'm like, I can't... This isn't working. We need more pussy in here.

You hear that, Jessica? Anyways. Oh, poor Jessica. Anyways So We both got a voiceover audition I should have said Can't do it I don't have the equipment

To do a voiceover audition here I'm traveling You are a more professional voiceover Artist than me You've booked more work I travel with my stuff. You can do Urkel. You're a very valuable client.

Thank you. And so this is where I go, and this is my kind of flaw to a degree. I go, oh, you got your equipment here. Perfect. And you should mention it's the same audition. It's the exact same audition. Exact same audition.

And there are scenes. It's scenes, like two characters. And this is also when I found out that we had the same voiceover agent. Agent, yes. Oh, I didn't even know that. I didn't know that until right now. Yeah, there was also that underneath it.

Oh, my God. Okay, weird. And also, like, the degree of, like, I never book voiceovers. Never. You really should have backed out. It's really, like, low. It's nothing to me. Yeah.

It's nothing to me. And you have booked, so it could be something. Yeah. And when I told the agent or the casting director that we were together and you had the equipment, I believe, and this is where the scenario got tricky, the casting director was like, oh, fantastic. It's a scene. Do it together. Yeah. oh, fantastic, it's a scene, do it together.

Yeah, but while that was happening, I was upstairs praying to God that I was not going to be associated with you. Like, not in a bad way, just like I had my audition at nine. Yeah, you wanted to have your own time. Yeah, I wanted my own time, my own thing. Partner auditions are never good. They're never good.

The parts that you're skipping are like, we also were logged into Chris Cafaro's SourceConnect account. So we're like, on Zoom, one pair of headphones, and our name is Chris. I'm sorry I brought up. I just thought it would be fun.

And we also did not say, like, we were in a closet. Oh, yeah, you were in a closet. In two chairs. I mean, it's so tight that, like, when you got up, you'd pull a wire you'd pull a wire with your shoes oh my god you didn't know each other that well at this point because you were kind of gone yeah for shows and and while you were coming in and it was like you'd done shows but not it wasn't like we were having we all knew both of you we're having technical issues it was like and then it was just one of those things Where like once the cast started to put us together I didn't know how to bow out

Like we were then tied to each other's face Totally I was upstairs praying in the kitchen Sunshine LA sunshine I remember it I was leaning on the kitchen counter And I was like

Dear lord please don't let this motherfucker call me And everyone's quiet Because there's a voiceover audition happening So silence in the house and then i hear joseph joseph and you were like i i remember you being like i did not i literally i went from like oh man immediately it was so funny how um fun funny how stressful that house was. And part of it is like, we're going to do a show. You were just signed with Tova, so you were doing 10 tapes a day. I had so many tapes.

Yeah, you were. And it just signed with Tova. So it was just like we were all kind of like, it just was a very weird energy that didn't feel. Yeah. We've recovered. Yeah. No, I wanted to say,

you, Russell, as everyone knows, he's in Gutenberg the Musical. A lot of big guests. Every time I see these guests, I'm like, if only Russell knew how to get them on the podcast. I wish you could see how brief my interactions are with them. So I see the pictures and I'm like, damn, did you guys like hang?

Yeah, it looks like y'all hung in the green room. Yeah, sure. Once in a while, you're in a conversation for a few minutes and stuff. Do they all give you respect? Like, do they go like, oh. It helps if they've done theater or done like, if they're an actor or some kind of thing.

I mean, most of them are. But like, they're like, you see a recognition of like, oh, you're an understudy. That's crazy. And usually that's what the conversation is about. But everyone, I won't say who until after the show is done, but there's only been one real asshole.

I'll tell you after the show. You know, I think, already. Yeah, I think you told me. But not an asshole recently. Ethan Slater was there. Yes, your classmate. I mean, he was, I believe he was a freshman when I was a senior, and it could have been eighth grade to senior.

Oh, Saved by the Bell? What? Ethan Slater? Oh, no. Ethan Slater. Ariana Grande's guy. Go ahead, guys. He's been on SpongeBob on Broadway. He's in the Wicked movie. Got it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, so he's on Spongebob On Broadway

He's in the Wicked movie So he's on Spamalot right now Tell me what he started saying to you Before he got caught I said oh you went to high school With my friend John Marcos Reyes And he's like oh yeah wow He goes I have a funny story about John Marcos

He goes he was in the hallway one day singing. And then we got cut off. What? Because then Josh and Andrew came off. And he goes, actually, this is a terrible time for that story. I'll finish it later. And then we never got it later. I'm so curious.

So I am so curious what that story was. I wrote him. I messaged him. I said, you met my friend Russell. He was like, yeah, I did. Yeah. And here's the message that was before that. It was me saying, hey, Ethan,

I'd love to have you on the podcast sometime. He was like, oh, I'd totally love to do it. A week later, the news about Ariana Grande broke out. Oh, my God. That's so funny. That's funny that tweet that you asked before it. I thought you were like, the day it broke, you're like, hey, Ethan. No, no, no.

Here's the not sweet part. Because we have a backlog of guests. Because I probably use it too much as a social lubricant. Like, oh, sure, I'm in the podcast. And Paige is like, we love to do it. You tried to apologize to me for the LA thing by inviting me onto the podcast. Like, hey, what if I just, would it be better if I just left you on the podcast? You could have you on the podcast.

And now that I'm here, I'm like, you got to change the log line of the podcast because it says you interview people who are more famous than you. And it has to say, and Joseph Limus. Yeah, yeah. We wrote that account.

No, but we've had people. But, but, Who's the least famous? So when the news, so we never, we never got around to formally emailing him like from Paige's account.

And so when everything, when it leaked that he was dating Ariana Grande, I wrote Paige, like I'm like, Paige, it's a Hail Mary. But send that email

right fucking now. Right. Didn't hear back. Damn. So Ethan, if you're a big fan and you listen every episode,

please tell Ariana to come on the show. I beg you. Ariana was there. You took a picture of fucking Ariana Grande. He worked with Ariana's brother. I beg you. Ariana was there. You took a picture of Ariana Grande. He worked with Ariana's brother. Yeah, Frankie. You are deep.

I know all the Grandies. I met the mom. I know Joan. I know Joan well. I mean, I know Frankie and Joan. Because they used to... Joan... Well, she was one of the producers of Titanic.

I didn't know that. She and Frankie, their company, was one of the producers for Titanic. So she would be there a lot. Did Ariana have any stories about me? No, she didn't know that. She and Frankie, like their company, was one of the producers for Titanic. So she would be there a lot. Did Ariana have any stories about me? No, she didn't. Did you go to college

with Ariana? No. Oh, I was like. Oh my God, you thought I never brought it up? No, I was just. This podcast will be called I Knew Ariana Grande.

Alright, next segment. This has got to stop. This has got to stop. This has got to stop. This is a segment. By the way, this has been a great episode. If you're enjoying it, check out the This has got to stop. This has got to stop. This has got to stop. This is a segment. By the way, this has been a great episode. If you're enjoying it, check out the Patreon, patreon.com slash downside. We're doing bonus episodes where we might get drunk more.

We're going to get high. We're going to do an episode on every drug. What? Oh. So, do you think this has got to stop? Yeah. Tell us. This is, I don't know, it's controversial.

Ooh. Dogs. Go for it. Dogs got to stop. I'm working, and this is a puppetry thing that I'm working through right now, and it is called 101 Damnations, The Joys and Traditions of Treating Dogs Better than Black Americans. Oh.

I thought you had that book at your yeah yeah yep um i like dogs i don't like dog culture i don't like seeing people pick up dog shit with a plastic bag in their hand i was at a restaurant recently and there was a dog sitting on the table and all i can think is that there's a dog's asshole on the restaurant's table and like no one thinks that that's weird like i'm the weird one for wanting to be like ill that's gross like i'm the crazy person um i just i think we've gone too far i like you sometimes can go to people's houses and if there's a dog and i love your dogs if you i know you got your dogs that's great um but sometimes you go to people's

houses and you you can't talk to them because there's this thing where they're having conversation through the dog. Everyone's doing like voiceover work for the dog instead of engaging with one another. And it just drives me insane. I think no dogs should be at restaurants. I think there is something where people have a weird crutch where I don't think they know what to talk about or something is going on where they have to bring their dog everywhere and they don't have to. I go to CrossFit gyms

sometimes and for some reason, part of that culture, a dog is allowed. Sometimes I'll be like, doing weights, nothing crazy, but then a dog will stick his face in my dick and I'm like, this is not your space. This is not your space, and this is not...

This is weights. This is not the place for the dog. It's a strange place to take a dog. I don't like drinking out of a glass and looking at the next table, and the dog is licking out of the same kind of glass that I'm looking at. I don't like that type of thing. I'll go as far. I don't think children should be... Oh my god.

There are spaces that I think that maybe we could not have. What's your pro-dog opinion that maybe we would have? I actually try to be conscious of not even talking about dogs in front of people. That's beautiful. Unless they have dogs, too, and they want to. Because I have noticed sometimes the way people talk about dogs annoys me where I'm like, I love having a dog but ultimately I don't need to talk

about it that much. I like having it. I love having them around. It brings me joy. I definitely don't want to take them. If you're listening, can you make a montage of every time Russell has talked about his dog? It's usually when it comes up. It's not like me being like, or they're dying.

Okay? And you're making fun of it. But actually, I don't want to take them with me places. That stresses me out. I don't want to take them on vacation with me. I want to throw them somewhere else when that happens. But I like having them in the house. But yeah, I agree.

I agree. People talk about it too much, and they bring them house. But yeah, I agree. I agree. People talk about it too much and they bring them too much. There are a lot. I agree. They're everywhere. Russell, what's your this has got to stop? Okay, this has got to stop.

I don't really have a good one, but this has got to stop. Asking me what's new. You know, I feel like we all do it because you have to ask someone what's new. But I, as a human, struggle with that so much because you don't know how to answer it in a good way. So you're like, and now that I've been doing a show and it's just kind of the same every day, I'm like, I don't know what to say to it. And so you can't really be like, I'm watching Frasier again.

The focus is on you to, like, make a narrative. Ask a specific i know i know but i'm saying like it you it feels like it's not acceptable to be like uh truly what's new is i'm watching this tv show that's like because like sometimes you're like there's nothing really in my life happening that i i could that i could explain to you quickly because there's only pockets of time where you're like oh i got a good update like what is new you just say to the person can we skip this part yeah skip whatever this bullshit is and like jump to like the meat of what's going to happen between us

today but it overwhelms it over it just overwhelms me in the moment i'll be like what how do i want to like give this answer shortly because i also want to be like just quickly do I want to give this answer shortly? Because I also want to be like, just quickly. Right. You know. I don't know. Okay. I got to discuss that. I feel like some people will disagree with this.

The culture of giving sweets and chocolate and candy for like every little, I experienced this a lot as traveling. So it's like I get to the hotel for the gig and they're like, oh, we got you. And it's a little bag of cookies. And then there's a little chocolate on the pillow. And then I go on to the flight from Paris back

and the lunch comes with a little thing of chocolate mousse and then they give you a bonus piece of chocolate and then for the third thing they give you a cup of chocolate ice cream and I go like, I have an eating disorder. Why are you making me eat? I understand the reaction.

I was living in Soho at the time and I didn't have a therapist yet. The candies were too much. It's fucking lazy. Here's where I'm not going to indulge in my fucking chocolate. Air France's piece of shit chocolate mousse. Give me some fucking healthy options. But I think what has happened is people have become so lazy that they go like, oh, maybe they won't like the fucking salad.

Well, give us one salad and one chocolate. I do not need three helpings of chocolate on one flight. And furthermore, that's the only food you have provided me for this very expensive flight. Enough with the fucking chocolate. You know what I want to – tell me what I want. When I go in a hotel room, what's the surprise? What do I want? A big bag of on my bed.

Carrots. Baby carrots. That's fucking right. Give me a bag of farm to table. That sounds wet on the pillow. Give me a banana. Give me a steak. Let me tell you this. It's been, I'm not flying to Europe

like you are, so I'm not getting chocolates on these American flights I'm taking. Also, I'm not signing into hotel rooms and having chocolate there either. I don't know what... I'm having a hard time relating to what you're even saying. He went to Europe.

Because you went to Europe. He's like, this has got to stop in Europe. Yeah. But it's like, okay, we stayed. So London, Tove and I, this was our splurge to get a nicer hotel. And so they had hot chocolate one night. And I go, oh, it was great.

Hot chocolate. And then the next morning, it was great. Hot chocolate. And the next morning, more hot chocolate. How about a cider? How about a hot tea? Enough with the chocolate. I can't just consume chocolate every day. I can't do it. You've got to take this up with Europe.

You don't got to eat it also. But I need to eat something. But that's my problem. A little treat, it gets annoying to a degree. Like, I don't want a bottle of champagne. You know how many, like, just a weird bottle of shitty champagne I've just left behind? Because I'm like, what, am I going to do this alone by myself? Ask.

I would rather have one baby carrot than a whole champagne bottle. That's just weird, man. Very weird. That's just weird. This is you weird. I need to preserve my body. That's cool. You got to be weird to stand out in this business.

So baby carrot on the pillow for you, my dog. That sounds great. A salad. Same with the Americans. If a flight tried to give me a salad, I would throw that in their face. A flight? A flight, yeah. An airplane flight?

Sweet lettuce? How about this? How about this? By the way, which I was wondering today, why don't they do this? What if when you checked in for your flight, they said, we are now doing a new partnership with Sweetgreen, which you just fucking ate. No, it's a salad. But you know I don't eat salad. Also, Sweetgreen in what, 2016 or Sweetgreen now?

Because it's a big difference. And then you're putting it in an airplane. Airplane. The airplane. Why don't you partnership with someone? Give me a healthy option. Here's you're putting it in an airplane. Airplane. The airplane. Why don't you partnership with someone? Give me a healthy option. Here's the second meal for your eight-hour flight.

It's a pastry with one mushroom in it or a pastry with the worst chicken in the world in it. How about a fucking... Just give me some... I do love those biscotti. What are those little things? Oh, my God. So good.

I always ask for extra. Those are so good. Just get extra. Yeah. They're so good. By the way... I'll probably have some in my backpack. We got a lot of Debbie Downsiders in London.

Uh-huh. Let's go. Like, almost enough. We could do a show. Let's do it. Listen, Russ and I, we want to take this on the road. Join the Patreon. Patreon.com slash Downside.

Let's go on to our final segment. You better count your blessings. You better count your blessing okay I have a funny one there is a neighbor and it really tickles me there's a neighbor

I don't know what building it is but it's a building nearby me that they're having the like fakest porniest sex and it's you can hear it and it is so funny like it's like what are we talking about it's like you just can't be real you're not hearing the guy you're only hearing the girl but it's like it's like someone who's seen porn and they're just I've heard it three times now And it really tickles me

It feels like it's in my apartment It tickles you? It tickles me because it's No, it doesn't feel real You know what I mean? When you're hearing it and you're like She's giving a performance And it really

It's so loud And the other day I had just finished a work Zoom call and it was a nice day so the window had been open and it started like right as I was finishing and I was like that would have been because it's so loud it must be the building right there on the left

you're not exaggerating right now no I tried to record it the other day but it didn't come across as well that's a crime not film it audio record it the other day, but it didn't come across as well. That's a crime. Not film it. Audio record it. But it's very porny and very funny. Like, it's funny.

It can't be real. It can't be real pleasure. It's too measured. It's too, like, and then it just stops. The fact is I can hear everything. Does the climax, do you hear it come or no? No, not really. It kind of, like, stays at the same thing. And then it just stops like the fact is i can hear everything there's a climax do you hear it come or no no not really it kind of like stays at the same thing and then it just is done and there's no like coming down off of it like you're not hearing the oh yeah yeah yeah so it's just

kind of like oh yeah and then it's just like that's it and then it's like you know but it you know it's a few minutes usually when it happens but it's just like, that's it. And then it's like, you know. But, you know, it's a few minutes usually when it happens. But it's really tickling me. How often are they fucking? I probably, it's three times in like the last two or three weeks. Good for them. Yeah. I told you this, but I.

It might just be her. I'm not her unman. She could be jerking. It just might be her jerking it. Yeah. Which would be funny to fake. Fake, yeah. Fake masturbation sounds.

I found out my first floor neighbor is doing piss porn. He's doing what? Piss porn. How did you find out? No, he's on the first floor. He's on the first floor. I'm on the third. I found out because I was looking at porn.

I've only been telling this story for two weeks. It's only been two weeks. But everyone asked me, how'd you find out? And I'm like, I was looking at porn. I was looking at porn. And I saw his face on his Twitter profile picture. My downstairs neighbor, I see him all the time. No way.

All the porn you just happened upon? Well, so it's a whole thing. Patty, who's Monet X Change's assistant and friend, has a little nasty account. And so I'm like looking at Patty's little nasty stuff and then I go deeper. And you can look at people's likes. The more you get down the likes on Twitter porn, the crazier things get. I've never gone down that. I've never done the Twitter porn thing.

Oh, really? It's so nuanced. You can find out your neighbors on it. It can get very specific. This dude is just pissing on the hardwood floors. I would absolutely love if he could somehow, if we could get this

around the internet enough that he can find out that I know that he's pissing on the hardwoods, on the sofas, on the bed, with a dog. Okay, so is he aroused at all? Yeah, he's fully hard, fully pissing. That's what

I was... Just gotta relax. You know, it doesn't come, it doesn't come It doesn't happen It's not often where I'm Trying to do it So maybe you know I could

Just once a week I could start trying And maybe you know No for me it's more like You'll pee after And it's a little Yeah yeah yeah It's all

You know it's kinda hard To get fucked in the ass too But when you do that for porn Then you just deal with it Yeah So So the camera's straight on Like this

And he's just like Is he Is it like Does it touch the camera's straight on like this and he's just like, is he, is it like, does it touch the camera like blood in a? No, it never does that. There's one time

where he pees into a glass and some medical professional's like, hey, just so you know, your pee looks like you're chronically dehydrated and you should see someone

but also I'm a medical professional and this is very hot. That's a real comment. Oh. Yeah. And have you seen him since? I've seen him one time.

Historically, he and his husband do not talk to my partner and I. They're also interracial gays. They also have the dog that John and I want. So if I was to get a dog, it would be a boxer. It's the combination between a French bulldog and a Great Dane, which is the things that we want. So we watch them raise like, raise this dog. They have a kid, the whole thing.

I think that they're just not friendly people or they're, like, just super introverted. But recently, and it's since he's been trending on Twitter, he, like, gave me the biggest, like, hello. He's got a pep in his step. He's, like, walking the dog. And he came out the building and he was like, hi. Hi. And I was like, oh oh somebody's trending on Twitter porn It's like 5,000 new followers

in a week. Wow. So when you're going to jerk off you're going on Twitter and looking up or you go to an account of someone you like this is not how I consume porn. I go to xradios.com and I'm just a stepmom stepmom and that's it

yeah that's very straight how how much money would i have to pay you if i get to see your last 10 searches well i just go to pornhub and then just like click the first page no i click around too sometimes but i i it's not like because you can't sometimes that first page is the same for you know you gotta like go back and see what's going on in the past yeah i like to take my time i like to thumb through the stuff you know i would love if like a psychologist had like could see my 10 years of porn history and like relate it to what i was going through in my life because there's got to be you know sometimes you're just like you stop being into something yeah piss porn. Do we know his name? I don't know his name, and that's very convenient.

But how do you find him on Twitter? How do you know he's trending on Twitter? His face. His profile picture is his face. But he has a fake piss name. Oh yeah, for sure. Do you know the piss name? But we don't want to out him. We don't want to dox him. He's literally on Twitter. He's promoting. We're promoting him.

There must be three listeners into piss play. Please, please reply. Heard about you on the downside. Yeah. I really just want him to just approach me and be like, hey. It found its way to me. Yeah. I know you now.

Man, my blessing feels like fucking socks compared to you two. I'm sure someone's doing piss porn in this building. Come on. Not my blessing, I guess. I think it's a delightful thing. It's a joyful thing, yeah. There's still that guy who gives me money to get pedicures. I take a picture of my feet, I guess. You get paid for your feet?

Yes, one guy. He says... How much? Could you get a pedicure? I'm pretty transparent. I say I can only do it if I can pay for my girlfriend's pedicure, too. And then Tova and I, we get a pedicure. So he pays for the pedicure.

And then Tova takes the pictures. He pays for the pedicure and a picture? He gives me money that, in theory, covers me and Tova's pedicure. That's it? And then Tova will... I feel bad. I've got to begin to think, because you're making me do a chore. I'm going out of the house.

Because I'm ultimately doing that for you. The pedicure is self-serving the thing that you want. Are you into piss play? No. I'm not. I you into piss play? No. I'm not. I've pissed on a couple people. That's tough. I remember seeing a porn where a woman started peeing,

and I was just like, I'm out. I don't know why. I don't know what it is. Yeah. It's the pee part. It's the fact that it's not supposed to go there. That's probably what you're feeling. You're feeling like, that doesn't go there.

I also don't have... I would feel too guilty peeing on someone. I'd feel bad. No, I've only done it in a situation where they're like, please. You're going to be prepared for it. Yeah, please. Please. Please. Can I have some more? That's what you want. You don't want them to be like,

no more piss. No more. Oh, that was our final segment. That was it. So, Joseph, where can people find you? I'm at Jamare on all the stuff. At J-O-M-I-R-A-Y. That's me. And also just in my New York around doing live shows sometimes,

and sometimes I'm on the TV and hope to do that a little more. We were re-watching the other two for the Halloween costume, figuring out what he was going to say. And, God, it's so cool just to be a part of what I consider just a great property, just to be like, I'm part of this amazing show. Yeah, that show is so fucking good. And I got to be the guy with the fangs. Yeah.

No matter what, if you watch the show and you know the show, you can be like, oh, the guy with the fangs. Yeah, it's fair to me. We want to fuck Case Walker. You're the first fang of the joke. Yeah. It's such, god, what a fucking-

I got to play Poo with Wanda Sykes on set. Crazy. It was absolutely phenomenal. Yeah. So much fun. She's cool? So cool. I actually forgot that she was a lesbian until she broke,

and I was like, oh, right, Wanda's a lesbian. But Wanda, like Ellen, it's so funny because she has a whole body of work before she came out. Exactly. And there's one bit... Her early curb stuff, she was dating men. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But there's one bit I remember because she was just talking about how like when women are with other women, it's hot.

But she was like, you never would want to see your man like taking it in the ass from another man. And looking back on it, you're like, yeah, you're a lesbian. Yeah, yeah. You're a whole ass lesbian. It's the same way. And I said when we did Joel Kim Booster where Ellen had all this material, she was like,

don't you hate dating men? And they're like, they're gross, and you don't want to touch them at all. Oh, God, leave me alone. Leave me alone. Russell, where can people find you? At Russell J. Daniels on Instagram, and I don't know about other shows.

Well, you know, you can always come see Gutenberg the Musical on Broadway and say hi to me afterwards or just let me know you're there. I thought there was such a chance, like maybe I could be one of the producers when they thought about maybe the producers would be.

I was thinking about that the other day. Your lineup has been recently it's been crazier, but there were weeks where it was like, oh, we have to throw in someone random. That's how I got here. Just jump in like I got here. And so if there's ever a time where they're scrambling, I could throw you out. Please?

I could throw a few other people out, but yeah. Okay. Because sometimes it's just a random Broadway person that no one knows. You know what I mean? So they might as well not know you. Sure. And you have a larger following than, you know. I'm sure those Broadway people would really appreciate it.

They're like, I was nominated for 320. Oh, the understudy of Gutenberg is talking shit about me on his podcast. No, no, no. I literally meant like there's been times where they had to like throw on the associate director. You know what I mean? Like it's like there's like, yeah. Please, I'll do it. I just announced recently the second leg.

Oh, by the way, my Netflix came out today. Did it? Oh, today? Well, not today. November 28th. November 28th. So if you have Netflix, fucking check it out. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.

It's called Verified Stand-Up. Watch it. Watch it. Share it. Get the word out so I can do maybe more with them. And you know what? You'll get them next time is what I have to say. I'll be headlining Uncle Vinny's Comedy Club this weekend. This is where Arielle Elias, friend of the pod, had a beer can thrown at her.

And I'm going back there. Why? I don't know. You like beer. And then I'll be at the Boxcar Comedy Club in Springville, Utah. Oh my god. Listen, look at the next year's date. They're very exciting.

And again, guys, I see so many listeners. Everyone who came to me in Europe, I'm so grateful. I tell them every time, we're going to get Russell here, and sometimes I'm lying. But when I'm in London, when I'm in Chicago, when I'm in LA, I do mean it.

If we get enough people. So tell your friends about the show. I love your comments. I say more people should be listening. Please. We need your help. And join the Patreon, patreon.com slash downside. And just remember, we're all puppets in a way, because free will,

scientifically speaking, is an illusion. This is The Downside. One, two, three! Downside! You're listening to The Downside. With Gianmarco Ceresi.