The Downside with Gianmarco Soresi - #178 Places To Throw Up with Jes Tom

Episode Date: January 2, 2024

Comedian Jes Tom joins us to share why they can never play Phantom in Phantom of the Opera (too good looking), why Joe & The Juice is the best place to throw up, what happened to all the public nudity in San Francisco, and helping a Hasid buy a c*ck cage at sex shop. Gianmarco and Russell also defend the new couches’ size and share the downsides of auditioning for musicals BECAUSE WE DON’T CARE IF YOU THINK WE TALK ABOUT THEATER TOO MUCH.  You can watch full video of this episode HERE! Join the Patreon for ad-free episodes, exclusive content, and MORE. Follow Jes on Instagram, Twitter, & TikTok See Jes' off-Broadway show, Less Lonely, through January 6. Follow The Downside with Gianmarco Soresi on Instagram Get tickets to our live podcast recording in NYC on January 8 here: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/743999631927 Follow Gianmarco Soresi on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, & YouTube Subscribe to Gianmarco Soresi's email & texting lists Check out Gianmarco Soresi's bi-monthly show in NYC Get tickets to see Gianmarco Soresi in a city near you Watch Gianmarco Soresi's special "Shelf Life" on Amazon Follow Russell Daniels on Twitter & Instagram E-mail the show at [e-mail] Produced by Paige Asachika & Gianmarco Soresi Video edited by Dave Columbo Special Thanks Tovah Silbermann Original music by Douglas Goodhart Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Shop at Sephora today. Limitations apply. Must be a beauty insider. See terms at sephora.com for complete details. Welcome to The Downside. My name is Gimarco Cerezi. This is a place where people can complain, get negative. They don't have to talk about how great the new year was or the holidays were. They can say why it sucked, why they wish they had a different family, why they get jealous. And I'm here with that.

Do you do New Year's resolutions? I do. I'm one of those, I'm like, I have so many, I can't even keep track. And every year it's always like, I will try to read more and I will not pursue it. Yeah. I was talking to, I have a trainer. Oh, do you? not pursue it yeah i was talking to i have a trainer

which do you our guest just tom i know you have a trainer i just started seeing one but only once a week though yes but my trainer was saying that they the gyms really do deal with every january yeah this insane influx which is which is silly yeah at certain point, you have to go like, you don't have to wait until January. It's probably the only reason why these gyms can, some can function. Well, Equinox got in trouble last year because they did like an ad like, if you're just joining for January, don't bother. And people were like, whoa, how dare you be elitist? They should raise the prices in January.

That's smart. But I think gyms can be elitist. Not every gym has to be Planet Fitness. We need every gym to go, hey, sit on the machine for an hour. It doesn't have to be the MO for every gym. So what's the gym situation that makes you

feel most comfortable? I'm not a gym person. I'm more like a class. What are you doing with your trainer? Thank you for asking. Yeah, show us. So you tell me, based on how my body's changed in the last year, what have I been doing? I think you're doing little arms.

Little arms. No, no, no. I didn't know you've been training with someone for a year. No, don't say that. No, no, no. I think of you always as like a fit person. But I didn't know. No been in training with someone for a year. No, don't say that. No, no, no. I think of you always as a fit person. I know.

He is always dancing. You're always working out. I knew you'd do a lot of classes. I didn't know you were seeing someone. I'm doing like... You never talk about them. Yeah. Yeah. I always feel arrogant talking about...

I don't have any jokes about working out, really. Because I feel like the premise is like, so I'm taking care of myself. feels arrogant talking about like i don't have any jokes about working out really so because i feel like the premise is like so i'm taking care of myself yeah so you immediately came on here today and we're like jess i know you started doing this too okay put it on me um i i wanted like just just like i never could do heavy weight lifting i would get injured if i tried to bench press on my own so i wanted someone someone to gradually, just to build. But nothing crazy. I don't want to be Kumail.

I was worried. I came and I said, please, please, slow down. Don't make me the fittest comedian in the world right now. He walked in and he was like, Kumail, right? What are you working on? I'm actually, I'm literally just trying to stay fit so i can do this off-broadway show sure i get that i just know like i'm not doing anything crazy with my trainer i just know that based on the way my body felt before i wouldn't be able to do it

yeah i get that i mean when you did you know guttberg he's understanding josh gad and guttberg the musical. Hell yeah. Which closes when? January 28th. Okay, go see it. Give him one more, Josh. Let him go on one more time, Josh. Come on.

But that's a crazy physical role. Yeah, yeah. If you had to do that? No. There's no way to, like, when we were running in rehearsals, you got more reps in. uh like when we were running the like in rehearsals you got more reps in uh-huh even watching the guys do it like the one time i did it you know you did it and you're like oh that was a lot i'm very tired uh the kind of having to do it eight times a week i don't have that sort of thing i just and it took the guys a while the guys doing it being like oh it took a while for them to

like be like build up that stamina to be able to do it. Cause it's a lot, you know, it's two full hours running around and yeah. I mean, what I do is not even very physically demanding cause it's a standup show, but I just knew. No, but it is.

That is why you're like, I can understand for an hour. Yeah. You're a trainer. But it's like a mentally, there's a energy. It's psychically very draining. Yeah.

Your training sessions, they just give you a two pound weight and you just hold it like this for an hour at a time. Yeah. We just lookically very draining. Yeah. In your training sessions, they just give you a two-pound weight and you just hold it like this for an hour at a time. Yeah, we just look in each other's eyes. Just move us to it. A real quick couple things I want to address for the commenters. I'm done apologizing about talking about

too much theater on this podcast. Fuck you. Everything's theater. I don't know what to tell you. Are people complaining? Some people keep commenting. They go, they talk about theater so much don't know what to tell you. Are people complaining? Some people keep commenting. They go, they talk about theater so much. You know how much fucking sports I've had to put up with

in my goddamn life just to fit in? You can deal with it. And guess what? Everything's theater. Your definition of theater is too limited. That's the problem.

Yeah. What do they want us to talk about? A funeral, a presidential election. It's all theater. Yeah. It sways the world. Yeah. So, fuck off talk about it. A funeral, a presidential election. It's all theater. Yeah. It sways the world. Yeah.

So, fuck off, number one. Number two, yeah, the couch is small. Yeah, the couch is small. We're sitting close these days. We're sitting close. That's how we like it. Yeah, and we like the camera right across. Exactly.

There were a couple comments. They said that couch is way too small. And I said, you know what? This is – I don't like the implication. Do you – there's comments that I delete. I don't read them. I don't read them.

I've been purposely not reading the comments. Now that there's more people commenting, I don't want to know. Yeah. Which one hurts you? What kind of comment hurts so many could hurt me for me if someone says for me it's like not funny or hacky that's my yeah yeah you call me gay i don't give a fuck yeah you what if you make fun of my couch that i just paid a lot of money to move in that's it truly that makes me yeah what is it is like is

it a weight thing that would bother you or is it a you're you're not funny or you're stupid um i don't mind the stupid thing because if it's like calling me stupid i'm based on that like biden clip i'm like i have a a bet that i'm not as dumb as whoever's commenting on it do you know what i mean like you should reply that i'm actually i'm actually smarter than you um no um but uh i don't mind the dumb thing because I don't think I'm dumb. And also, like, if I don't know something, I'm open to being like, I don't know about that. That's fine. But I think, I don't know.

It's just a little bit like I noticed when I, because I used to read a lot. And then I was like, this isn't really helpful for me to read all these. What comment makes you go, deep down, you know it touched something, and you go, oh. Not funny kills me. It kills me. But I think a lot of the time also

when people say I'm not funny, it's because they're taking issue with something I'm talking about content-wise. Of course. And so it's the easiest thing to be like, I'm not funny. And I'm like, no, I am funny. You don't understand what I'm saying.

Yes. Yeah. Or they do understand and they disagree. Or they're like, you know. Or they can't. I don't think they hear it even. I think that they like see me and then they hear one or two words. And they're like, not funny.

The problem about talking about this, and this is what happened in the last episode where I brought up the couch, is every comment is going to cover each one of the things that we just said we do not want to be covered. You just made us name our weaknesses. Yeah, this is the downside. One, two, three! Downside! You're listening to The Downside.

The Downside. With Gianmarco Ceresi. Well, we're here with a comedian, writer, actor, Jess Thom. Hi. Thanks for having me. Thank you for being here. And I can't wait to talk about you, but I have something I want to talk about first. Okay. Speaking of theater from another mister.

I was trying to figure out theater from a, you know, like a brother, sister from another mister. Yeah. It didn't rhyme. Yeah. In my head for some reason. Theater from another. Theater from another. Cheater?

No. I'm trying to rhyme. Mine was better. I went to, this is coming out January 2nd. Uh-huh. Recording it a little before the New Year's. Yeah. I'm doing a show on New Year's,

which I've done this before, where I'm doing the countdown from the stage. Oh my God. Oh my God. It is one of the, it's countdown from the stage. Oh my God. It's such a perfect metaphor. It's such a perfect metaphor because I've done this a couple years now, where I'm on stage,

lights on me, I'm holding a mic, I got everything I've ever wanted. And I'm looking out at people with their loved ones, with their lovers, with their family, with their friends, and they don't give a fuck about me. Yeah. And I finally got to be the center of attention

of nobody. Where are you doing this? The Comedy Cellar. So it's moved up! Yeah. I used to do it in a Connecticut regional theater for 80-year-olds. Yeah. And some of them were dying. How...

Go ahead. No dying how go ahead no you go ahead how long is the show you're doing I think it's just two regular showcase shows

but then at the end the host says you're hosting no but like they bring up two other people and we go up and we go 10

and we try to you have to fight that thing where it's like I'm like it's not like I'm gonna be funny I don't have jokes

prepared for the countdown I'm just there like, I'm like, it's not like I'm going to be funny. I don't have jokes prepared for the countdown. Yeah. I'm just there to facilitate. I'm now in the service industry. Yeah. For that moment. Yeah. I, I guess I'm trying to imagine calculating time passing while in the comedy center.

Or comedy cellar. time passing while in the comedy center, or comedy cellar. Can I just say that I'm extremely nocturnal, and it's not natural for me to be awake right now? Sure. I just want to name that. I would say this is the earliest we've ever maybe done a podcast, I think. Who was it for?

Was it for you? It was for me. He's got two shows today. Wow. Wow. Apologies. What time did you go to sleep last night? I want to say four in the morning.

Four in the morning. Is that normal? Kind of. Kind of, yeah. That's a regular. I'm nocturnal too. I'm two to three. Yeah, me too.

Yeah. I'm trying to do a thing now. Trying to do one. Where I like name. There was one time where I went on another podcast that I was really excited to go on. And then that morning, the mixture of my, uh, prep and gonorrhea medication made me so sick that I had to go find a Joe and the juice to throw up in on the way to the specific. You're like, I want to, do you need to get revenge on Joe and

the juice? Cause they make some bad smoothies. I just, it seemed like the most viable option. And it was, it was, there was a single stall restroom with no line, um, that you didn't have to buy anything to get into. So that's where you should go throw up if you're on like West 54th. Wait. Wait. You can control though. If I have to throw up, it's happening.

You know, like. You don't have any warning it's coming? I have a pretty good repressive quality. I don't know if that's a positive, but it did. I'm amazed that you went to these days. I shopped for somewhere. I looked. It was like the second place I stopped.

I stopped at a Starbucks. First, the line was too long. Anyway, which is all to say, then I got to this podcast, and I didn't say that was what had just happened, and then I didn't give a great interview, and I was like, damn, I should have just told them my gonorrhea medication made me throw up like 15 minutes ago. That'd be great. Yeah. Well, now you get to tell it here.

Which is all just why I'm saying that. The last time I threw up in New York was a long time ago. Long time. And I made it to a trash can. But it was the worst kind of trash can. It was the ones in Times Square that opened like this. So I was throwing up and witnessing

all the horrors of the inside of the trash can. And then I had to hear it slosh back. That's why you have to have a private moment at Joe and the Juice. It's my dream to have you throw up on this podcast. The blender drowns everything out.

Oh, yeah. That's a good point. I hate throwing up. I try to go years in between it happening. It's very rare for me to be just throw up. It feels good when you do it. It feels great when you do it. If you have to do it, you do it.

I can understand how for people it becomes a problem. There's something very cathartic. Very like you crash when you do it and then you're like that feeling of laying on the bathroom floor. The coldness of the bathroom floor. And being like feeling like wow i got it out you know oh it's kind of romantic there's an alcoholic deep inside

you and every day no i uh no but i think of like i think i'm trying to think if i threw up when i had covid i don't think i did because i was trying to think the last time i threw up i don't know it's been years i have a a real thing about witnessing vomit. That really freaks me out. When you say freaks out, it makes you sick? No, it upsets me. I become upset.

I do the thing where my mouth goes... Yeah, stop. Stop. So, I went to... Have you ever heard of the Grand Ole Opry? Tell me like I'm an alien or a baby. Sure.

I don't know a lot of things. I went to Tennessee. I don't know much about it. Tennessee. Memphis. Oh, my God. Not Tennessee. No.

Nashville. Nashville, Tennessee. Tennessee. Oh, yeah. And the Grand Ole Opry, as far as I know, it's a big concert venue or whatever. And we saw, Tova and I went to see the Christmas show. And I realized that Tova and I, one thing that we like to do together is we like to go to a completely different cultural event where everyone is on the same page. And in this case, we're talking 80-year-old Christians, 60 to 80-year-old Christians and their families listening to Christmas music.

And we don't fit in at all. And we just like to go there as if we were doing a – and we're probably annoying because we're talking the whole time like, oh, look, my God, look, they do this, they do that. But it feels like an adventure, an anthropological adventure. And we like, that's something Tova and I really like to do. And I told her that's how I feel when I visit her Chabad, like when we go into the Jewish stuff. She's like, well, that's my home. I'm like, but you see, it's just as weird as this. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She likes that. that's my home. I'm like, but you see, it's just as weird as this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She likes that.

So, so the Grand Ole Opry, it's, it's, it was like, first there was security in advance, and they let Tova go through, they checked my pockets,

and I had weed mints on me. Oh? In Tennessee. And for a second, I was like, am I about to get in trouble for edibles in the year 2023? But then I think they don't know

what edibles are. They see mints. So I was fine. But for a second, I tried to indicate to Tova, like, we need to know. We need to go and me put it on you. She said, don't check women here, I guess. By the way, I also felt I don't feel this often,

but I felt like a, oh, so I have the bad thing because I'm the guy? But probably. Well, statistically speaking. Yes, but I thought we agreed with security that we're not going to do stuff. I will say the most statistically improbable part of this is that you were the guy and you had the mints.

That's true. That's true. But I tried. Tova's not very good in the moment just trusting me. Because I tried to. When he pulled us aside to the table to have me empty my pockets, I was like, oh, shit, I forgot. Tova, we've got to go get the thing.

And Tova looks at me like what are you talking about and I'm like I got we got a thing and Tova will not just will not just go oh he's being weird there must be a reason why she's like no there is no thing what are you talking about

I like the scenario where she did listen to you and you went around the corner and what put those mints up your butt into the grand old Opry. Just to get slowly high off of ass mints. We could have given it to her. We could have put it in the inside of a coat pocket.

Sometimes I think of this coat as an inner lining and I'm like, that's where I'll do it. But they'll check. Didn't they pat you down? No, they just looked at what was in my pocket got it so i go there and it's a very christian event very um just it's it was incredible because there's like 80 year olds this is their like late night theater event and they play violin and they have all these these sexual innuendo.

I think that's what's so interesting. These are clearly people not talking about sex in certain ways. So one woman went up and she's like, Santa got me this bracelet because I was a good girl for Santa. And this woman's 80. And she goes to the crowd. And you all have a chance to be a good girl before the end of the year and i'm like what are you saying exactly yeah she's saying she's in

an age-appropriate relationship sure and that's good but there's there's like it's a thing should be more of that actually in that sense yeah i guess they are they are they're all dating within their they're all born in the 50s and 40s and 30s. Yeah. But it's just this thing of like you're basically saying, hey, jerk off your husband a little more before the end of the year, ladies. Is that what she's saying? She's implying – the way that she said it was like – She got it.

She was like, ladies, we have a couple more days to be a good wife. And I'm looking at all these people. First of all, they're, they're not, they're not, no one's fucking anymore. Yeah.

Or maybe they are, but, but it's just the weirdness of it. So like clean cut. Yeah. But then they make this dirty joke and the implications of that joke. Did people laugh? Oh,

this is, this is the greatest joke. Okay. She was crushing. She was crushing. She was crushing. And then another person. Oh my God. What, what did they, oh, they interviewed someone in the audience.

They were doing their version of crowd work. Yeah. These are all the same. It's all the same. But she said, yeah, I was here at the Opry all the way for my first anniversary, and we did not stay the whole time. And the crowd goes, oh. And then the then the host goes well i'm moving on well moving on and it's it's very funny in in a in a room that again there's another singer who said like we need to put more jesus back into america so that's the vibes but then they still have these dirty jokes

kind of where they're talking about sex. And I'm like, you saying pussy or not, you are saying the dirty thing. You're not as high and mighty as you think. There's something just weird about the way that they joke about sex

and they clearly enjoy it. It's like the religious component is serious. It's a big part of their life, but they also have to let you know. That's the vessel through which they're able to express their horniness. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. But it's very, it's, it's, it's, I'm like, it's one of those feelings of like, guys, you see, you're just, you're just like everyone else. Yeah. Drop the whole Jesus stuff.

The singer who said we need to bring more Jesus back into America, when he said, I thank God for my beautiful family, my smoking hot wife. And I hear it and I'm just like, it's weird. Yeah. It's just weird. It's just weird the way they talk about it. And the best part is at one point they brought kids on the stage to sing with the singer. And one kid was like, he was dancing and this was his biggest moment of his life. And then there was another kid where the moment they start singing, you could see in their eyes, they were like, I don't like this.

I don't want to be here. you could see in their eyes, they were like, I don't like this. I don't want to be here. And I think it's sweet for someone to realize at that young age that they shouldn't become a performer. Yeah. That's good. None of us knows what that's like. Yeah. We're like, huh, what an interesting conclusion to reach.

But my sister was like that. There was a Halloween pageant in kindergarten where they called her character's name on stage and she was supposed to run in the circle and she didn't do it. And so they just played the music awkwardly and no one danced. And that's how she knows she's not a performer.

When we were doing tech for my show, for a while I wanted to see what the lighting looked like and obviously I can't see it if it's me so I had my director go up there and the way that he blanched just standing on stage holding the mic

and kind of pretending to do my bits but literally just being like and this is the part where Jess says but he was terrified and I was like and this is the part where Jess says da-da-da. But he was terrified. And I was like, oh, this is not a thing that everybody does. Yeah. And people actually hate it. Well, you see it when people have to give speeches at weddings and things.

You're like, oh, whoa. A lot of people are not performers. And then some people have natural abilities to speak and do it in front of people. My favorite is people who forget how a microphone works, where they go up to the wedding and they go, I love this bride. People are like, I don't understand. You're a functioning human being in the world.

It's a good thing. No, it's good, yeah. Now, were you a theater-y? I was. No, I was. From the beginning. I mean like childhood. Yeah, at least like high school and onward.

Uh-huh. My first high school play was Chekhov's The Cherry Orchard. Oh, wow. Yeah. I went to a weird school. Do you do musicals and plays? My dream is to do musicals, but some might say that I lack any of the skills to do that.

What musical role are you like, you're like, I could do that? Okay, I want to note just right now that it appears that you're wearing something that says Andrew Lloyd Webber. I am. Thank you very much. I'm wearing Phantom of the Opera.

Oh, my God. I don't have anything. I wore this for you. I was like, today is the day I have to wear. Wow, Broadway. And you wore black again. I wore black. Thanks, Russell.

I don't know what this show is, honestly. My sister. I don't know what it is either. My sister helps. She works in fashion. Wow. Andrew Lloyd Webber B-sides. Aspects of what? Aspects of love. Oh. You works in fashion. Wow. Andrew Lloyd Webber B-sides. Aspects of what?

Aspects of love. Oh. Your Phantom of the Opera. That's a good Phantom. Where'd you get that? This, Tessa Skerra gave this to me. It's vintage. Wait, here.

Let me show you the back. Wow. Right? Isn't that cool? It is cool. That's good merch. Gutenberg merch. Is it good merch? You know, I haven't looked at? It is cool. That's good merch. Gutenberg merch. Is it good merch?

You know, I haven't looked at it in a while. There's hats that say Gutenberg. I want to buy a hat. I'll get you a hat. There's steins that say I can't read. I'm sure there's shirts. It's funny. I can't wait to explain that joke to people years from now.

So you grew up in San Francisco. I did. Wait, can I answer your question, though, about musical roles? I've been grappling lately with, obviously I'm a Phantom of the Opera person, and I've been grappling recently with the fact that I'm more of a Raoul than a Phantom.

Now remind me, does Raoul, he wins in the end or does he get killed? He wins, he wins. He he get killed He wins He wins He's not a good guy My friend played Raul At the Was closing On Broadway

That's amazing Yeah Maybe I saw him John Riddle Maybe Yeah Is that gonna be your new thing Every time someone brings up a musical

You'll be like I know the guy I know the guy I know the guy Hey I know everyone on Broadway now I know every understudy Under the sun

I know a guy Play played Raul three times He's got food poisoning Isn't that good? Isn't the Phantom, if we're being honest A bit problematic They're both problematic Why is Raul problematic? They're both bad

Raul is a run-of-the-mill manipulator He, like the whole thing by Act 3 Is Christina's being like I don't want to do this I don't like this. I feel unsafe. And he's like, no, come on, babe. Come on.

Is that how you do the character? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's my Raoul. And I've been grappling with that. What makes you, yeah, what makes you Raoul? I think I'm a spoiled little pretty boy. Like, I actually don't think the whole thing about the Phantom is that he's obviously a genius. I relate to that.

But he's undesirable, and he's so crippled by his fear of being undesirable that he's like, I have to lean into being a genius and convincing this girl that I'm her dad. Raoul just walks in, and he kind of gets what he wants. Let me counter this. Okay, so you relate to that thing of the Phantom, this undesirable, but... No, I don't relate to being undesirable. You don't relate to that.

That's what I'm saying. Oh, that's the part where you're like, I relate to Phantom, but I'm a hot Phantom. I relate to... I mean, and the Phantom is hot. Underneath the mask is just an even sexier half of the face. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like, oh, God.

He's like, don't look. Oh, man. I've always wondered how long it takes to get into that makeup. Because if you used to do it every day, that's... Or if one day he showed up late, the train was broken.

Yeah. So when he took off the mask, he just went like this. He just went... With no makeup on, and they just thought, maybe we'll get by. It's a matinee. You like Phantom?

You don't like Phantom. I don't really. I mean, I listened to the, like when I was a kid growing up, musical theater. Like I liked the songs. I saw it. I will say I saw it in middle school. And it did less for me after that i was like oh back then i think it did open in the 80s yeah there's this this chandelier falls

yes and apparently when that happened in the 80s it was the sickest fucking thing that had ever happened on a stage and you see it now and it's like it like... I was expecting it to really swing down, and it felt very slow. Yeah, it's like Miss Saigon. There was a helicopter on stage, and that used to be the biggest thing. Well, they didn't have the internet. Yes, that's true.

They had to see a strong practical effect. People talk about the car in Back to the Future now, and that's very impressive. Everyone says that that's very impressive, the car at the end flies. Did you see the movie Phantom of the Opera? Of course I've seen the movie Phantom of the Opera. You're a real fan.

My favorite Phantom of the Opera is 25th Anniversary at the Royal Albert Hall. I love Phantom of the Opera. Now, mind you, I don't know this much about other musicals. I know this much about Phantom of the Opera. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. I auditioned for ensemble, non-union audition. This was in college.

Oh. And I realized how awful the auditioning process was. Yeah, what was that like? I mean... Were you just singing opera? No, you could go in with eight... Mascara! You could go in with eight bars of whatever.

Eight? It was eight. I don't know enough about musical theater to know what it means when you said eight like that. Eight, okay. Is that a lot or a little? It'd be like to take a song from Phantom, maybe if you went in, you were like, and you got to do that two more times, and then you had to go. Yeah.

And that was your whole audition. And it's very what's 10 15 seconds 20 seconds it's very quick it's very yeah um but yeah it was basically like you should have to do this in college if you're studying musical theater because it really opened my eyes where you show up at like seven in the morning and you sign up and you you go to the special place they have auditions and they're forced to audition every month or every two months even if they're not necessarily looking for new roles. That's just part of their agreement with the union to keep opportunities for people to join in. So you are there and they have the equity calls and then the non-equity calls.

You're at the bottom of the fucking ladder. And there's no way you are getting it. Everyone's wasting each other's time. Yeah. And maybe if you walk in and you do a back flip and you sing the highest note in the world and you're the greatest star of all time, maybe you'll break in. But it's just people spinning their wheels. You know, I only did it a couple times.

And one of the times I ended up getting an offer for the non-union tour of West Side Story. Wow. As the nerdy, virgin-like side story wow as the the like nerdy virgin like guy that comes into the dance and he's like he's like well you're dancing too close to each other that that part you know like and then i already had another gig for that i it was like one of those things where you're like i had already said yes to the shakespeare thing that was going to be a year long i but i was like i was like imagining doing that show for a year where you're just in that one scene.

And that's it. And then you're just in West Side Story doing that one scene. I've said it before and I've said it again. I said the way to get to Broadway is you join a sketch comedy team for about eight years. Eight years. And then one day you're understudying Josh Gabb. Yeah. And that's how it works.

That's how he works. Sketch comedy. Okay, so you want to play a role. Can you sing it? I, can I sing is a question. Can I sing is a real question. But you must enjoy singing. I love to sing.

Yeah. And I've actually like since, you know since taking hormones, my voice has changed. I've really kind of come into my singing voice. I don't know that a real person who knows real things about music would say that about me. But I can say that about myself and my feelings. Can you talk to me about voice change with hormones? Because I'm so curious how similar it was to like when our voice it's it's the same or i mean it's i think it's similar yeah i mean i'm not a doctor

but i i think it's basically the same mechanisms maybe it's different because you know i was like 30 years old or whatever um so maybe it starts from a different place but it's like basically the exact same mechanism what pit were you talking at a completely different pitch pre-Hormones? Oh, yeah. You could hear it's crazy because I don't think I sound different. But if you listen to like an old video of me, I sound like completely different. And I went, I mean, singing wise, I kind of went from like a high alto to a low alto. So it's not that big a deal.

alto to a low alto so it's not sure it's not that big a deal but it's that like i used to have like a much higher range and i was always um afraid of it and yeah i always was like well like everybody is always afraid to sing like everybody feels self-conscious about singing and then my voice changed and i was like oh no i felt self-conscious about the way my voice sounded. Did, once you, there's no, if you stopped hormones. My voice would not go back. Your voice would not go back. Yeah, that doesn't change. Because if, let me tell you something.

If you told me that like in college, I could have finally sung that A if I took some estrogen. Oh, I'd be taking that estrogen. Yeah, but it doesn't work that way. No, that sucks. I know. We wish it worked that way because then that would be great for a lot of people. And did you go through a phase? Are you pulling a video? I'm trying to find a video of me talking. I'm trying to think, like, did you go through a

long phase of like, hi everybody. You know, I don't remember struggling with that that much. The only thing I remember is when I played when I was in Annie Jr. and I was in 7th grade

This is Paul Tapp. I was in the midst of my voice changing and there were certain things I had to sing up the octave cause I couldn't go down. I couldn't sing low enough. So I remember like, you're like,

I remember there was one part where it was like, you won't be an orphan for long. And I'd be like, you won't be an orphan. Like, you know, like, like that kind of thing.

That delivery. The delivery of that line. Open, open. And then it's like, I got a mom and a dad. So I do remember, that's the only time I remember being like, oh, my voice is changing and it's weird. And I have to, you know, you're like, do you find it? I found it. I found a video.

Here, let's see school they teach about the first Thanksgiving they always teach about the first Thanksgiving because the story of the first thing wow yeah yeah it's completely different yeah the story on the first Thanksgiving it's like what are you talking about and did you did you go through a cracking phase yeah of course of course it's just like you know natal male puberty yeah and i still now i like do it on stage a lot where i'm like me like uh-huh uh-huh what and when you when the when your voice fully changed were you like yes hell yeah yeah and i was really afraid of that actually sure that's that's so you don't even know where it's gonna land right exactly and it's so intimate and it's so i mean you know we talk for a living

so you know like people like like guys who who like they talk down oh yeah i wonder if even when they were younger if their voices were not that high or whether like it just had like could you have taken almost and then you hey're like, hey. Maybe. I already was talking at the lowest level of my voice. So like, to me, it doesn't sound that drastic. And like, sometimes there are guys who go on hormones and they seem to have like a really drastic change, but it's because they used to talk higher. And I talked low.

So I'm kind of just like, I came down to where I was. Did you start home runs during covid um like right before like november 2019 was it being being able to like go through all those changes in quarantine do you feel like that was like nice kind of kind of because it sort of was just like me alone with myself and i just would sort of like look in the mirror. Yeah. Like, yeah, see what I saw. But like all sorts of, I mean, it was a crazy experience because I like grew my hair long. So if you like look at my like Instagram, it looks like I went through like a big gender transition, but I didn't. Sure. I had long hair that's all yeah yeah yeah i like before that i like looked like this um and then yeah and then i would go outside and i had long hair and i was wearing a mask and for the first time in a really long time people were reading me as a woman like all the time sure which like wasn't even normal for me like before that yeah yeah um so that was

a little weird um and then it was interesting to, come back out in the world and be like, does anybody notice I'm a little different? Sure. I don't know. Do you notice I'm a little different, John Marco, from when we met? I certainly think it's, like, one of those where I wouldn't know the social construct of, like, hey. You wouldn't know what happened. Or just, hey. You wouldn't know what happened. Or just like, hey, loving the stash. I don't know if that's like whether one volunteers or you're just like, hello.

Did you like people to go to be like, hey, your voice has gotten really deep? I noticed people would be like, you look really good. And I would be like, okay. You've noticed something is happening. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What if they said, you look fine, but more masculine. Or they were like, are you okay? Sure, sure.

Any weird compliments? Was that the weirdest? Are you okay? No, no, that was a joke. I wish somebody would ask me if I you okay? No, no. That was a joke. But I mean, I wish somebody would ask me if I'm okay. Sure, sure. I don't know.

People are pretty... I can't tell if people can tell. I feel like also because I'm Asian, I don't know if people can tell. Asian people are pretty androgynous in the Western world. We are kind of viewed as kind of sexless in general. So I was like, I don't know if anybody even knows. That's so funny. Interior Chinatown is an all-new series based on the best-selling novel by Charles Yu about a struggling Asian actor who gets a bigger part than he expected

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So make the most of this football season and download FanDuel today. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. So San Francisco is where you were born? Yes. What is... I know my view of San Francisco is just what people talk about now.

Have you been? Yeah, I've done shows there, but it's not enough to get a sense of the world at all. I just know what Silicon Valley stuff has done damage-wise. Yeah, and it's a little hard. They're not amazing comedy audiences in San Francisco. Really? I find San Francisco proper.

I found, and this is like, I've done great shows in San Francisco. I'm doing Sketch Fest later in February. But I find they have a hard time laughing at themselves. Maybe it's just me and it's that I want to get on stage and call everyone a gentrifier and they don't like that yeah i can imagine they it's just you holding up a mirror to them right you're a gentrifier yeah yeah yourself um no that's funny uh well it's famously expensive yeah it's very expensive like i think it's more it's more expensive. I think it's more expensive It's more expensive than here. Yeah. It's crazy. Yeah. When you're,

what about your parents? Did they, were they San Francisco originally? My mom was. My dad's from LA. Like, are they, are they part of the gentrification too? Or were they there before the,

I never understood, you know, where do you put the pin? We own property. However, we have owned that property since like the 70s or before like it's um we've been out there a long time is it a fun place to grow up is it a fun place to grow up yeah tell me what is the downside what sucks about growing up in san francisco it was it's more it

sucks now it was really fun to grow up and now it's hell on earth and like almost the stuff like that was fun about it is gone now what's what what what's like the biggest thing that has changed that you feel like was fun and now is gone there used to be um i don't know what this says that this is the first thing I think of, but there used to be a lot more of a quality of public nudity in San Francisco. Really? Yeah. What level? Like.

Chest out? Just topless? Everyone topless? Like at events, there was a run called Beta Breakers. That's like a marathon, basically. And the serious part of the marathon is early in the morning. And then later in the morning and then later in the day it would devolve into this sort of like parade of like naked people in full body paint

and like me and my girl scout troop would put out little cups of water we would be serving water to like naked old guys in glitter body paint and like they don't do that anymore like there's no nudity allowed yeah it's nice it's cool uh recently recently i want to say in the last 10 years and they don't do that anymore. There's no nudity allowed. When did that change? It's cool. Recently. I want to say in the last 10 years. It's just not allowed anymore. I think they still do the run,

but there's no more nudity. I hate that. Yeah, isn't it awful? I'm so pro-nudity. Yeah, it's awful. By the way, I was saying to Toby the other day, I was like, isn't it funny that people worrying about drag brunches just disappeared from the public consciousness entirely because it wasn't a threat?

I don't think they've disappeared. Not the drag brunches. But I'm saying, like, I haven't heard that as, like, a talking point from the right in, like, it feels like it just got buried. And I was like, yeah, because it wasn't a big fucking deal to begin with, you fucking bitches. So I love public nudity. I'm a big fan. I'm on the record for saying SoulCycle is a fascist organization for not letting me take off my shirt. I know.

Did you get in trouble for that? I'm happy to rehash it. I'm happy to rehash it. I took off my shirt, and then the teacher, like, to the whole class, but just to me, like, we got to keep our shirts on for this. And I had to put back on my wet. Ew. And I find it. I'll say it again.

I find it. My biology, I sweat a great deal that's part of my and it's very uncomfortable and we are in a class that is about sweating it is dark, it is hot it's about sweating it is uncomfortable for my body

there are not as many outfits I bet if I went to the SoulCycle clothes they don't have this shirt for me, a shirt that ends here. And it's just my tits. It doesn't exist. You should wear a crop top to SoulCycle. I'm considering it. I'm considering it.

And I want it so that they see me in that and they go, you know what? Better without the shirt. Because if you go to CrossFit, where I feel like there's more men in CrossFit, you can take off your shirt in any CrossFit because it's like, well, yeah, because you sweat in this. And SoulCycle, which I feel like is slanted more towards women, I feel like that space doesn't allow me to be part of it because I'm uncomfortable. And I don't believe that my nipples are a threat. Everyone should be able to be topless, including at marathons in San Francisco. And bottomless.

And bottomless. Yeah, bottomless. Fucking, I'll put the bike seat in my asshole. Yeah. Winnie the Pooh-it. Yeah. I just think it's amazing. When you talk about that marathon, it's like, yeah, that's fine.

It was fine. I was like eight years old. I keep saying this stuff is fine. I was like a child doing this. I was not traumatized. It was not sexual. I was giving some water to naked people because they were thirsty. And it was the afternoon and it was hot outside.

And it was even hot because they were covered in body paint. And I have a fairly healthy sexual life and fairly healthy boundaries, I would say. Well, that's the thing, too, is like the assumption that any like equating nudity with like sexuality. Exactly. Like they're the same thing and they're always connected like it's just a human body do you know it's like a crazy thing that we've just all done where we're like oh naked that means sex no exactly under all of our clothes we're naked we're all naked right now wow wow i agree by the way can can I bring up, so I did a, I want to do more flyers. Like you like show off your body in your flyers.

I want to do like my version of that. And I had a thong that I wore for an old sketch. Yeah. That he wrote. And I always wanted to be naked for it, but the team was like, that's too much. Again, I'm always on the nudist side of all this. And so I did this photo shoot, and I had this

thong, and I'm a flamingo, and it's me with flamingos. It's like the Trying to Fit into Florida tour. And the problem with the thong, you can see the straps. And so I finally got this. I finally got this I finally got

oh my god this is a tux yeah and the only one they had on Amazon American flag now is not the time John Marco

now is not the time it was either this or the Israeli flag and I went with this and it's it works but I'm very excited to use it for my next photo shoot I can't wait to see these pictures and it works, but I'm very excited to use it for my next photo shoot.

I can't wait to see these pictures. It's funny that they sell it for $21 because you're like, there's nothing. What did you have to search for to get that? I think Amazon's cock sock. Cock sock. Cock sock. Or is there a more official term? Whatever they use.

I don't know that I'm super familiar with that term. Well, you worked at a sex shop. I did, but we didn't. They wouldn't have had that. That's like for acting. Do you know what I mean? I don't think this is for acting. This is for a very specific thing.

Can you imagine you have to do a sex scene and that's the nudity thing? Especially in the time we're in right now. You're like, oh my God. You just have to really get into it yeah a really really patriotic uh intimacy coordinator um do you think so so being it's because that's what i think about san francisco when i think about san francisco of old yeah but that that's like like an idea of San Francisco from like the 80s. I mean, it was like the 2000s when I was doing it, but it's like an 80s idea.

But it still resonated, at least when you were a kid. Yeah, totally. It was a, how would you say, was it a sex positive, queer positive place? Sex positive, weird, weird, artistic, kind of like bohemian. It's not like that now. Now it's like... whose fault is that and what

happened all jeff bezos oh really probably sure jeff bezos elon musk they're all out there it's their fault yeah what happened to all those artists and people did they they got priced out priced out or they got old they They were already old when I was seeing their naked bodies. Would you go, if that marathon came back, would you go full nude for it? Would I go full nude for it? No, it costs more money to see my naked body than that. Sure. So, but that's my, I think I feel, I want to that, and I'm too scared.

I know you wouldn't. Would you? No, no. You could do it. You could do it. You could do it. You just have to find a place where it's appropriate to do that. It sounds like you've been trying in a lot of inappropriate places.

Dermot's like, what? I can't supermarket? I can't take my shirt off? This is a fascist establishment. I can't take my shirt off. This is a fascist establishment. Our guest did not agree with me. Alingon did not agree with me.

I think, I truly believe, I understand the argument that someone could say to me, Joe Marco, you're not letting this be a safe space. You're going to make people uncomfortable. Like what they said, we want people to feel safe. And my argument was like, no, the repression of this is the repression of all people's nipples. No, I agree with that.

I agree with that. Yes, people should all. They're not going to feel safe because you're screaming at them. Not because of your tits. Shirt off. Fascism. What is wrong? Why?

Why don't you feel safe? Why don't you feel safe, women? You can take off your top, too. Go ahead. Take it off. All of you. Take it off right now. All of, take off your tops right now. That's the problem.

That's the problem where, like, me saying that, people go, oh, yeah, we can take all our titties out. But it's like, that's not what I'm saying. I'm truly saying, be free. Be free. We all paid $34. They can hire someone to clean the seats. So.

The thing that I think is interesting about New York City law is that out on the street, it is totally fine for you to do that. And it would be fine also for women to do that. Is it legally legal? I believe it is. Every time I go to Times Square, there's someone naked. Yeah, I believe it's legal.

With a paint. Barely. I can see. You can at least as a woman, quote unquote, be topless out on the street in New York. But it's actually when you pay $34 to go to SoulCycle that you're not allowed to do that anymore. It's like a zoning thing. Or once you enter a private establishment kind of thing. Okay, so you're allowed to be topless in new york bottoms no you have to bottoms you probably have to i think you gotta have something a little bit thong probably fine

you know yeah i'm just i'm just spit bombs i'm assuming and the san francisco is just i wonder if it was any time, or it was like, well, for the parade, genitals can be out. I mean, definitely for the parade, genitals could be out, but I used to, like... Some of this is stuff I talk about in my show.

I used to sell Girl Scout cookies on the street corner in the Castro. That was a designated Girl Scout cookie selling spot. And there used to be three naked old guys who would just hang out like they were like hanging out in front of Citibank. Like they weren't doing anything. Yeah. They just were there.

But they were naked. And like we were like, yeah, those are the naked guys that hang out here. And did you feel like your school like just this was part of life? So it wasn't that crazy? Did your parents say, those are naked people? Yeah. We were, like, in front of a porn shop called Does Your Mother Know? Like, that was just where we were at, selling Girl Scout cookies.

Sex stores, that vibe of, like, Does Your Mother Know? It makes me uncomfortable. I don't, I'm not great in sex stories. I get shy. What do you want to be named? Okay, yeah. What's the issue? Let's dig into this.

I don't know. Often they're bright. They're bright. I think we play around with light. You would rather it be dark. Not grungy. I think we can play around with lighting. You would rather it be dark. Not grungy. I think we can play, maybe not fluorescent, something a little more, I don't know. I'm repressed.

Let me own this. Okay, after saying all that stuff about public nudity, now you're going to be like, I'm repressed and I'm shy. I think, okay, let me, I think I'm less repressed about nudity. I'm more repressed about, okay, let me, I think I'm less repressed about nudity. I'm more repressed about, like, pleasure. This is a conversation about nudity versus sexuality and the two of them not being inherently the same thing. And I think I'm probably more like, I'm more like fine with nudity. This feels weird to even say.

My father was like definitely like, he would just change in front of me. Totally, totally. He wouldn't go like, let me go to my room to put on my... And I didn't do it to him. I don't know when the last time my dad saw my cock. Long time. Yeah, I don't know. When was the last time you saw yours? My dad.

I remember my dad, he was very comfortable with that. My mom, on the other hand, obviously very different. But I walked in once and she was topless or she was naked and she screamed. Oh, no. She screamed and went away. And then one time, I remember it's one of those things where you're like well that's deep in my brain my mom was the whole family was together

and my mom was doing this feels very personal was doing like a back bend just like showing off or whatever she like does pilates and shit and a nipple slipped out and what was funny

is that it was me my sisters my stepfather and it was only me that had to just quickly leave the room. But for my sisters, they're women. It was fine. And my stepdad, he's titty fucking her.

It was fine. And so it was just one of those things where it was like, oh, there's different relationships here, but mine's the one in the Venn diagram that's like, ah, ah, and then you go away. These are formative gendered experiences. Even though everyone in that room has sucked on those titties. Yeah. That's the reality. Yeah. And again, I'm not saying, I'm not like, why can't we live in a world where I'm like, hey, mom.

Yeah. Nice. Okay, so but. But it's. A sex shop, what makes you... What is uncomfortable? What do you think makes you uncomfortable? I think I'm not comfortable...

You said you have a thing with pleasure. Like, discussing with... Honestly, a loved one, let alone a stranger, what makes me go like... Oh! That's too much. That's so... It's interesting.

I feel like it would be more easy to talk to a stranger... Yeah, I was going to say, yeah, which one... Than to, like, a's too much. That's so... It's interesting. I feel like it would be more easy to talk to a stranger than to a parent. Yeah. Well, I was even... Yeah. Even a stranger versus the sexual partner. Yeah. I don't know. There's something...

I've said... The reason that I think I wouldn't be into getting pegged is because when and i also feel this is a very sexual conversation feel free if anyone's uncomfortable let me know oh please uh is that and this is the same thing with like oral sex if i'm just receiving there's something about i would like me and my partner to both be experiencing pleasure, then I feel comfortable, because I'm like, we're both in this kind of silly

state, as opposed to just me, and you're fully sober. In fact, you're working. You just have the 69. To me, probably, probably, yeah. Because there's something about, that's where I'm repressed,

where I feel uncomfortable. I'm like, oh, this feels embarrassing. And the same with getting pegged. I think I'd sooner have a guy fuck me and we're both in that state than someone with a device separating themselves. You don't like the attention on you. I don't think I can fully say that.

I have a podcast. No, that's what I know. No, that's actually what I'm drawing attention to right now is that is that here you are. You're a performer. We just talked about like being a somebody, somebody who loves to get up on stage in front of everyone and be the only person who's being paid attention to. But then in this other setting which is sexual you don't like being having that exact same position yeah which is where you're the person kind of

performing uh pleasure i think there's something that in me that that something about feeling pleasure is to be submissive to a degree. And I think I have a deep resistance to being fully at the... There's something that's like, ooh, that would be fun, but there's something in me that fights it. Interesting. When Nicole pegs you, are you like, this is better than regular sex? We haven't tried it yet, but never say never, you know? And they're all just different. It's all in the sex matrix.

Yeah. When you worked at that sex shop, would you ever gift a sex toy to someone? I mean, I was constantly giving sex toys to people because I kept getting them for free. And there's only so many vibrators you can own before you're like, okay, I get it. It vibrates. Did people come in and just generally not know what they wanted?

Totally. And be like, ask for guidance? Totally, totally. Like full on like,, what do you recommend? Sort of. That's the other thing. Asking a recommendation is like, hey, so what do you use on your genitals? It's a theory.

No, it's a lot. And it's a little hard because, like, speaking from the other side of the desk, it's, like, so normal for us to talk about it that I think sometimes we would be catching people off guard because we're saying like a big thing that would like shock people but was a really normal thing for us to ask was like, okay, you're looking for a vibrator. Are you looking for something that does internal or external or both? And people would be really taken aback by that yeah and for us we're sort of like it's a question about a product like it's like a functional question about the product sure and we have to ask that question we had to ask it like a hundred times a day so it was like but would you like the same way that a a waiter would be like oh the filet here it's delicious oh no we would yeah this is my favorite yeah super soft i'm already flushing and i'm not even so theoretical i'm like

ah uh okay would you okay so do you have gigglers people just came into like oh yeah like we had to oh my god i mean you learn a lot about the human condition working at a sex shop um people just totally lose their minds in there like people who are probably totally normal people who are probably perfectly fine right outside come in and they just go nuts like it's it was like the number of times i would have to be like, sir, sir, please, please don't throw that dildo. Please don't throw it. Where were they throwing it? To their friend across the store.

Yeah. That's how I felt when I went to the Museum of Sex. Yeah. I was like, I want to go around and everyone be like, grow up. People just go crazy. Stop. Let people enjoy. No, but it was.

It's like a weird thing where you're like, grow up. I understand a store, but the sex, why do you think that museum exists? I don't know.

So people can go get their fucking, some of the exhibits here, it's not like funny, some of it, yes, is designed to be like, isn't this kind of funny, blah, blah, blah.

But some of it's just historical things and people being like, truly just kind of going around and being like, there's a penis. Like we're like, I don't know if that's. Sure, sure. You know what I mean?

Like you're a little like, okay, grow up. Sure. You know what I mean? Like it just, it's that thing where you're like, because they are so repressed. Yes. That's what I'm responding to is being like, you just should be looking more of this. Exactly. Or also like the fact that you are looking at this, you just happen to be with someone right now. So you're uncomfortable

because you're experiencing this now with someone. Whereas when you do it, usually you're alone. You know what I mean? They're not looking at porn at home alone being like... They're doing that because they're uncomfortable. They're with another human doing it.

Whenever I'm watching a movie with my family, my mom or my sisters, and there's suddenly an intense sex scene in the movie, I'll reach over and I'll take my sister's hand. And she's like, get the fuck off! Oh my god. But that's why those movie scenes freak people out

because it's like, we're so fucked up as a society! We're so repressed and broken that these, like, suddenly we're sitting next to each other. It's... We're so fucked up as a society. We're so repressed and broken that these like suddenly we're sitting next to each other. It's we're broken. When was the last time? Because when I go to a sex shop, at least most of the times in my life, it's been to get something for a sketch. Yeah, that makes sense.

No, that makes sense. Truly. Fucking sketch comedians over there. Yeah. And you'd always like go by. over there. Yeah. And you'd always go by.

I think the most graphic thing to me at the sex stores, it's just like the bottom half. It's just like the ass and the vagina. And it's like a serial killer if you just chopped off the holes. You're just like, I just want the part with the holes. No, you learn a lot about society that way. Yeah. And you see these gigantic gigantic sex dolls and i'm like are these gonna like go viral is everyone gonna have one hidden or are they just too big are men gonna be

hiding it in their fucking ovens like where are you gonna put this in in new york you have such little space where are you gonna hide you have to have a closet for it you know a full I mean it's a body you have such little room and you're like ah fuck do I have button down shirts or a full on sex doll

it's not a New York thing I think it's I know I agree I agree that's a suburban phenomenon that's a suburban thing where you have extra rooms

that you're very proud of you have all the square footage you know that you can brag about then you can have your sex doll that finally makes more men leave the city. They're like, I need a room for my sex doll. They're very expensive. Yeah.

Because a bad sex doll is bad. Well, yeah. Not like a blow-up. That's like a balloon. But a real sex doll, a real doll, is like $10,000. This is like an investment. Guys, like $10,000. Oh my god. Yeah, like this is like an investment. Guys, on that note,

please join the Patreon. Patreon.com slash Downside. At $500, we're going to buy a sex doll for it to have in the middle. No, we're not. Not at $500. Wait, to share? Share custody. I get it 30% of the time, you get it 70%.

I bet you for sex dolls, just to make it more affordable, they'll have like, you can remove just the bottom part. So you can like come in, like, you know, like you'd go to a pool hall

and you'd have your own. I still would not be, we could not share a sex doll. That's a bridge too far. Russell, why is all the hair falling i told you stop pulling um uh it's a fun job it's a it's a cool how long were you working at that which one did you work i was there i was at i was at pleasure chest on it was on fucking midtown East, like a block away from Bloomingdale. So it was psycho clientele. I did that until like 2015, like 2013 to 2016, 2015. That's a long time.

An adult store in Midtown. That is kind of wild. I feel like it's interesting to imagine working that there or working it in like a small town area too, where people are probably nervous about being seen there. I mean, that's, it was just, it was its own really specific vibe.

It was like mid thirties professionals who like women who've like never had an orgasm. People literally coming from Bloomingdale's or coming from fucking Magnolia bakery or baked by Melissa and then stopping in our store. Oh, did anyone ever come back and go, Oh you so much yeah they did yeah i had i i had um a woman who who had like literally like had her first orgasm because of some vibrator that i had sold her and came back and told me that that'd be very yeah so what I'm saying is I was changing lives. Yeah.

That's something that you can never imagine. Some guy coming in and being like, I had my first orgasm, finally. Oh my God, I had to buy the slab of the person. Did you get... Because I think you had a bit about this. You got a Hasidic... Yes, I you had a bit about this, you got a Hasidic. Yes, I did have a bit about this.

Were Hasids coming in in general or was that just one time? No, I think they came in. Yeah. And like, how did they look at things? Because I'm so confused as to like, what are the rules? I don't know what the rules are.

You would know better than I would. They were just in, they kind of had a like don't talk to me vibe i don't talk to hasids that much i was i mean no i don't think you do but no i know you fall closer on the you're right gun to your head who are you gonna ask the hasidic question to it's gonna be me you fall closer on the the chart than i. No, I'm so confused. Because they come to comedy shows, too. They would come to LOL.

And it's just one of these things where I'm like... They hit me up on Grindr sometimes. No way. Yeah. There's at least one guy who hits me up every so often. I don't talk to him. The same guy. I don't know what the rules are, but I am like, whoa.

What does he say? Do you want to fuck? I don't know. But he's trying but I am like, whoa. What does he say? Do you want to fuck? I don't know. But he's trying to fuck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's trying to fuck me. Wow. Pretty loose rules.

Yeah, that's a whole lot to explain to the family back home. That's... See, it makes me, again, not that... Because in those communities, they have these strict rules and the guys in those communities are breaking them and they've created a system where they get the phones facilitates them allowing

to do it and I just think the women in that community don't even have the room to explore that story though in your stand up it is a true story have the room to explore. That story, though, in your stand-up, it is a true story? Oh, yeah. Would you mind reminding us? Totally. Basically, the story is that a middle-aged Hasidic Jewish man

came into the store, and he was looking around, and it became clear after a while that he was looking for a male chastity device, a cock cage. Just to review, it's just, it's like... Like that, but metal and with a cock cage. Just to review, it's just, it's like... Like that, but metal and with a lock. And the premise is, you

couldn't get aroused. You can't get hurt, yeah. Or like, you would hurt. Or like, you'd have like a... Yeah, you would just, there's not really enough space. It's like, it's close to the size of like a soft dick, so if you get hard, there's not really anywhere for it to go. What if we did a Patreon and we're both wearing

and we can't get hard the whole Patreon. How would we do that? Anytime we're doing a Patreon episode we're fully wrecked. That's what the cameras always say. I'm like how many boners are you getting when we do Patreons?

You guys gotta join to find out. Let me tell you what you're missing out on. Patriot.com slash downside. So he comes in and he says, can I have a... He knew what he wanted. Yes, he had been sent on a mission. He had a dominatrix who had been like,

go to the sex shop. Maybe Laney. Laney, yeah. Laney, we had a guest on who did uh dom stuff i love doms um we love them um god bless doms um but then so he so he ends up like buying this chastity device and then he was like well like you have to let me into your bathroom so I can put it on. And we were like, okay. So I, like, take him down to the bathroom.

And I can hear him, like, jangling around. Just chain mail. Yeah. And then he comes out and he's kind of, like, adjusting his belt. And he's kind of, like, talking to himself. And then as we go up the stairs he goes I flushed the key. Yeah.

And he paid for it? Yeah. He paid for it. So he told you I flushed the key just to let you know? Just to let me know. How? You responded to that? I just let him go. I was like okay well good luck out there.

Like, have fun. How, knowing the device? He'll be fine. He'll be fine. He'll be okay. He could break it. He got a kind of cheap one. So I kind of think worst case scenario,

he has to buy another and use the key from that one. But it wasn't that. It was like $30. Like, so cheap, like, if he got hard enough, it would explode. No. $30. So cheap, like, if he got hard enough, it would explode? No.

It was pretty cagey. Uh-huh. But, like, is it a belt? Leather belt? So he could, like, take scissors and... No, that's not how it works. It's like...

It's more like a cock ring with, like like a cage on it. Have you used cock rings? Like in the, I think the first person, it's actually like we got one of those like $5 ones. Like this will be fun. Sure, like a stretchy one. Yeah, one of those. And then I was like, this is not.

Yeah. So classically, I'm pretty sure this is true. It's been a long time since I've been in the business. It's like a cock ring, so it goes behind the balls, and then the lock is attached to that part. So it's not like a belt. It's right here. So how would you get...

It's in your pouch, but just like... But if he needed to get it off, what would need to be done? Like a saw? A saw. Or could you pull hard enough? I don't think. I think he would have had to maybe get another key.

He's not going to be able to pee, though, right? He can pee. Oh. Yeah. He can pee, but it's not. It's going to be a mess. You should sit for that one. This one, I think there was actually a good amount of space.

Let me see if I can find. You're acting like you have one on right now. How do I get this thing off? What do I do? You're so specific. Okay, when was the last time you went into a sex shop? I think it truly was like for a sketch comedy thing. You and your wife have never been like.

See, you guys are part of the problem. We're part of the problem. I just, you know, I actually have never been to one in New York outside of sketch comedy stuff. How often do you think Nicole's going in alone? A lot. Going like, please, I need another. But if Nicole bought... We should go together and buy things.

If Nicole bought a $10,000 male sex doll. My God. Would you feel insecure? Yeah, I would notice it. Would you feel insecure? Would you go, oh, great, honey? I mean, I think we'd talk about it if she invested $10,000. They don't.

And also, just a planning thing of like, we have a 620-foot square apartment. You know, they don't 620 foot square apartment. You know, they don't really make, they don't make like male sex dolls. They do, they make male sex dolls, but they're for men. They don't make like male sex dolls for women. Because women don't do that. Because women are normal. When you say they're made for men, like meaning their functionality only works. I mean, you can, anybody can use it. But, but it's like a thing marketed for gay men.

It's not marketed for women. Women don't buy a sex doll. That's a guy thing. Now, is that because of the patriarchy or something else? No, it's socialized. It's socialized. That men are like, wouldn't it be great if there was a woman you could fuck that didn't talk? You were saying that to me before Jess showed up.

That's what I was saying. Hey Russ, how you doing? I'm doing a lot better if I could have a woman I could fuck who didn't talk. I know you guys. I know. We should get two sexed up. A man and a woman.

Just for the room. They could sit there. We could have another camera on them. Just cut to them never talking. They could sit there. We could have another camera on them, just cut to them never talking. That'd be fun. They should have mics too, though. Change the different outfits. Yeah, so you don't

go to sex stores? Well, you don't go. Once in a while, Tova will be like, let's go. And I'm really fucking sure. We should go together. So lame. I know it's lame. I think you can work on that i don't go together just accept what does it mean to work on it though just to be like just go we need to go more you want us to go together i think it would be it would be kind of nice you know we could go we could pick some things out not for each other

but like you know if you gifted me like something, because I always look at it, it's like, to me, sex toys are even more cost prohibitive. I would buy a nice shoe for the same price, but because it's a sex toy, I'm like, $150 for a thing? That's crazy. That's an investment.

It's an investment in your pleasure. Yeah. I'll buy you something. Next year. Great. You, I'll buy you something. Okay. Next year. Great. You should get each other gift cards and then go shopping.

Yeah, that would do it. You know what? I think a sex store gift card is good because that is a place that people like myself have like a hump they have to get over. So if you get them a gift card there, they have to go.

Yeah. And that's good. Yeah, and then you don't have to feel too...'s not really your money uh yes that's true um okay okay we're doing fine time i um so well good for you do you feel good for you good for you thank you thank you thank you for working what are your what are you since i've shared do shared, do you have any repressions in your life? Or is it not sexual? It's in other places. We all are repressed about things. I think I have the opposite problem.

Uh-huh. Where I am using sex to express myself in ways I don't feel I can in life. Okay, say more. Uh-huh. Like, okay, like I'm in an era of my life right now where I like hook up a lot. I like have

a lot of sex with strangers. Uh-huh. And I'm very in sex. I'm like very expressive. Sure. And it's like a big thing about like having sex with me is that I'm very very expressive. In life I think you'll find from sitting across from me right now. I'm not that expressive. I kind of stay right here and like okay recently

Oh man It's that like a series of crazy things happened this night but one of the least crazy things was I was standing right across from a, like, a coat hanger, and the whole thing fell over. Oops. And almost hit me. It, like, landed right over here. And I didn't respond at all.

Like, nothing in my body moved. I went, I, like, was like, oh. And somebody was like, wow, you're traumatized. Sure. You, like, had. And somebody was like, wow, you're traumatized. Sure. You had no reaction to that whatsoever. But if it was sex, you'd be like, shove that coat hanger up my head. Yeah, yeah. That's fascinating.

Yeah. Interesting. So I think it's the opposite problem. And, okay, so the same way you said to me how you said to me, like, well, you can work on that. You can work on your repression. How would you work on that? I guess Meisner acting technique. What the fuck, dude?

And you like work on like being angry or responsive? Yeah, Meisner acting technique. Sure. Yeah. I get that. Do you think that – and do you think that's repression Or do you ever go, oh, is it depression? I remember reading about Hugh Laurie, the actor. He said...

House. House. He said something in an interview about he was in a car. And somehow there was a war zone situation. He was somewhere where suddenly a bomb went off. And he didn't feel anything. He didn't feel the threat threat of death is around there. And that's when he realized he was really depressed.

And that made sense to me. That resonated with me. Where when I feel really depressed, I'm like, those things don't trigger me. I'm like, oh, I could die. I should be worked up. Maybe. Okay. worked up maybe okay i have to tell a little more of the story yeah which has literally nothing to do with the coat rack almost falling on me it's that uh a few days ago it was christmas eve um

and i was at my friend m weinstein's house m weinstein who's directing my show less lonely um his mom's apartment on the Upper West Side. And basically the short version of this story is there was an older guy there who smoked a little bit of weed with us and then passed out and stopped breathing. And they were doing CPR on him and we thought he was going to die in front of us. And then he didn't. He didn't. And we called 911. It was like a whole thing. We had to call the mainstream 9-1-1 and then we also called we had somebody who's formerly from the Hasidic community at this party who called the like secret this like secret orthodox EMTs and they all showed up in the house and then

they took him away on a stretcher and then it turned out later that he was like really sick with something else completely unrelated to us smoking him up a little bit. And then he ended up being okay, at least as okay as a guy who was already really sick could be. But he didn't die that night. Anyway, so that had all happened earlier this evening. And I also didn't really react to that. Oh, my God. So this is where I'm at.

This happened to me like three days ago. And I'm like, so how's everyone's, you guys like iced coffee? I love iced coffee. Oh my God. Even in the winter. Wait. Okay. Yeah.

The guy who passed out, was he Orthodox? He was Jewish, but I don't think he was Orthodox. What's the secret number for the Orthodox EMT? They work faster than the regular EMT? They did show up after the regular EMTs, but they did get called after the regular EMTs. But they were regular. They weren't, like, Hasidic.

They weren't Hasidic, but they are definitely some kind of secret, a kind of, yes. And Jews would never be in the allegations that we run the world. I know. I'm, like, a little afraid to say like secret Jewish organization, but it kind of was.

It kind of was that. Wow. That's so scary. I was just telling John Marko I had this experience on the 23rd. Oh, God. Where it was like, you know, you in New York, you witness or are part of horrible things that happen and then you just kind of like go on. Yes. No, totally. Your life just kind of like keeps moving. Totally. And so I went to get on a train and there was someone

like fully passed out on the ground, bar everywhere like laying there and like but people still on the train oh my god and so i was like it was at a station which i got on got off and like went to the next car but then i was like this person is there yeah like passed out on the ground in covered in barf so the next stop opens door there's two police and you're like oh it's the police but someone needs to know that this person is like there so they're the door. There's two police. And you're like, oh, it's the police. But someone needs to know that this person is like there. And the door opens and they're literally right there in front of me. So I say, hey, there's someone passed out like unconscious on the next like cart. Within seconds, screaming.

The person is hitting the police. Oh, God. They're not passed out. I thought they were not moving. And they were covered in barf. Punching the police, screaming. Police then are dragging the person off the train. I'm like, fuck, what have I done?

Then that person jumps onto the tracks and is running down the tracks. Oh, my God. And I'm like, oh, my God, this person's going to get hit because of me. Because I was like, I thought they were dying or dead. And I'm like, oh my God, this person's going to get hit because of me. Cause I was like, I thought they were dying or dead. And then,

and then police able to grab them, drag them back up on the thing. They're getting arrested. They're screaming. What have I done? What have I done? And then I'm just leaving. And I'm like,

what have I done? Oh my God. On Christmas. Like I was like thinking Christmas Eve Eve. I thinking I was going to help this person. And then now they're getting arrested for whatever. And you're like, and the cops were having a boring, they were just talking to each other. No one, it was like, but you think in your head, you're like, they seem like they were dead. And, but I don't know.

Well, now you've learned your lesson. Never help anyone. Never, never help anyone. Real quick. I want to thank our sponsors. The NYPD. Shout out to our boys in blue. You get those turnstile jumpers.

You get every single one. We need the money going to the subway so we can buy more screens to air ads and get rid of benches. $155 million. Oh, my God. Let's go on to our next segment. This has got to stop. This has got to stop. Jess, do you have a thing's go on to our next segment. This has gotta stop. Jess, do you have a thing that's gotta stop?

Okay. I don't know if this is gonna be a cliche thing to talk about here, but so I've been running my show off-Broadway, Less Lonely, and I've noticed this first thing is not the whole thing.

I've noticed that people act insane in the theater, in the audience of a theater. Yeah. Which I'm sure you totally notice as well. Less so when I'm not performing, but yes, when I was doing shows. Yeah. They act really just kind of crazy, like putting stuff on the stage. Wow. Yes, putting objects on the stage, like talking to each other right in the front row, being on the phone the whole time, like getting up and leaving the bathroom for to go to the bathroom multiple times in like my shows like an hour and

10 minutes long, and people are getting up to use the bathroom. And I think it's not just that. It's that because it's a theater, I'm not allowed to act crazy on stage. Yeah. If I was at a comedy club, I could be fucked up. I could be sneezing and high and fucked up in front of everyone, and it would be fine. But because it's a theater, I have to be like TV, basically.

Sure, yeah. And they get to act crazy. And I don't think that's fair. I think I should get to act as crazy as they do in the theater. What would you do in a comedy club space? Someone puts something on the stage, you'd be like, what the fuck is this? Yeah, I mean, I guess I would talk more about it.

But I can't really, it's a theater, and I'm doing a show. So I can't really, and I do theater and I'm doing like a, a show. Sure. So I can't really, and I do like, it is a standup show and I do say things like, get that stuff off my stage, but like, I'm not, we can't stop and talk about it.

I have a show I'm doing. Yeah. Yeah. I, I get it. I mean, that's why, what,

what kind of pre-show announcements do you, do you ever say like, could you add to the pre-show announcement? Like, don't put something on the stage? You have to train the audience in a one-minute little clip. Like the pit. You remember the pits?

And they talked about, wasn't there like a vibrator joke in it? Or like, if you have anything, put the phone underneath you. It might feel good when it goes on vibrate. That's not what it was. Like, sit on your phone. It'll feel good when you get a call you feel good on your clit it just was very vulgar uh it's the same thing as the grand old opry where it's like just say it put it on your

phone you might fucking you might fucking get off um that is very frustrating i i've always said that i really admired Nico White. Because even when I'm on a comedy club stage, I get worried about the confrontation. People put their feet on the stage all the fucking time. And I hate it. No, people were putting their feet on the stage at my show. I'm like, we're off Broadway, girl. These tickets cost $60.

And you're going to come in here and put your feet up. So weird. And Nico will just go really smoothly as he's doing the basic, get your feet off the stage and then go back into a bit. What I do is I try to like, I get a little extra theatrical and like almost step on

their foot in a way that I want them to go like, it's dangerous. I'm on stage, it's dangerous leaving shit on here. I have a problem where I need to be liked. And I actually think that that's why I don't do crowd work. Because I don't have the kind of confrontational. The best crowd work comedians are making fun of the audience.

And I can't do that. Because I'm like, I need you to like me. I totally get that. And I totally know. Because the times that I've lost the funny and I'm just mean, I feel awful. That's why, like, what Matt Rife does in his crowd work is he'll be like real earnest. He'll be like, oh, wow, that's really beautiful. So you're a whore. And he'll do, like, a real, like, nice thing and then he'll do his mean.

And that's his balance of it. And people seem to like it. And he'll do like a real like nice thing and then he'll do his mean. And that's his balance of it. And people seem to like it. And he's a genius, so. He's a genius. He is. I like, like, I'm just saying like Jeffrey Asmus, I love his crowd work because he's just fucking mean. But I think he comes, like his persona lets him be mean

where in the way where you don't, you don't feel like he could ever be the bully. You know, he jokes about be the bully you know he jokes about being the alpha male and because he's not that it's funny but it is i understand what you're saying i just can't like my persona is like we're all friends like we're all in here together and so like i just can't i can't bring myself to even turn on them like a little bit yeah i like can't do it and i'm also like terrified of like hurting people's feelings sure i get that that's why you gotta do you ever say to the ushers like hey could you they did they did early on in the run they told me because somebody was putting

their feet on the stage they told the whole audience like don't put anything on the stage and then that night this really old man who i think was like blind and i don't totally know if he knew exactly what was going on but he like had a bag he had a ziploc bag full of medication and he was putting it on the stage and i what the fuck that's crazy it was crazy and i just was like I I actually was like that's okay man you can keep that there it looks like you might need that so like you just keep it right there and then his wife who was way more with it snatched it away was like I think she wanted to see the show that's why I don't bring my dad in public it's that fear of like you're gonna do something like insane yeah well no dads can't be seen in public.

I agree. I agree. Let's go on to our next segment, our final segment. You better count your blessing. You better count your blessing. Wow. Russell,

do you have a blessing? Oh, man. You know? What the fuck? I didn't know I was going to go first. You go first. Let me just make sure I have this right entirely. Oh, yes. Yes, yep, yep.

Hold up. Arun Sengurai. Okay. I'd like to thank Arun Sengurai. Oh, my god. Did you just listen? Is that a pronunciation clip? I texted him this morning because I've only talked to him by his first name

and I said, could you tell me how to say your last name? I want to give a shout out on the podcast. And he said, thank you for asking. And he sent that. And now he sent that. Arun is the one who did the photo shoot with me, wearing the thong. Arun's amazing. Arun's an incredible who did the photo shoot with me wearing the thong.

Arun's amazing. Arun's an incredible photographer. And it's just like I've worked with some photographers throughout the days, but I was at this point where I was like, who can I text and say, hey, are you okay if we did a photo shoot where you're going to see my balls? Yeah. There's no way you're not going to see my balls. And I'm going to wear this thong.

And I need it to be, like, fun. And we need to, like, play with it. And I knew Orin would be down. And Orin was coming up with extra poses. And he said, what if you spread your cheeks this way? And what if you put this inside you? Both cheeks the same way. I said, could you hold this one

I'll hold this one you get the camera with this I mean really just down to really getting in there and it's moments like that where I just I just

to go back to the earlier point of just like you don't know where people stand on nudity or whatnot but I I knew based on my past photo shoots with him that like

he'd be down he'd understand what this is and it would be a safe space. I just don't want to make anyone uncomfortable. But I want to do that. I think that's funny. I think it's funny to do a photo shoot like that. So I was very thankful for Rin, and the photos were great. And unfortunately, that means I'm going to ask him to do the next one.

I'm thinking for my Australia Oh, if there's Australia dates That I'm doing Naked as a kangaroo I'm thinking I want to do one Cat on a hot tin roof, it's me as a cat And I'm kind of curled up naked on a hot tin roof So I want to do animals, that's going to be my thing with Flyers this year

Me naked as animals Nudity as animals Yeah That's going to be my thing. So, Arun, thank you very much. You're my blessing. Russell, do you have a blessing? You know, I don't have a good one today, so Alright, hold up. Hold the fuck up. Let me tell you.

Pressured-wise, I could say a bunch of things. Generic things, you know, around the holidays, that kind of things. I don't feel like I am thankful that I'm on this podcast. And you can trust me in knowing that I don't have a good enough answer right now to give you one right now. And so I am grateful that I'm not going to give you an answer

because I don't have a good one. And rather than just going through the motions and saying some bullshit. Here's what you could do. What? Do what I do. Come with your own system. We all have our systems for taking notes. I use my notes app. I have a downside notes app. I had a we didn't use.

Because we have to do the other thing. I could do a thousand blessings in a row if I had a good one. But if it's not genuine and I'm not feeling like... You're an actor. Go back to the thing when you felt genuine and pretend for the fucking listeners, you son of a bitch. No. I won't be pressured to have a blessing when I don't feel like I have one right now.

And I have so many. I do have so many. There's so many wonderful things happening. You heard it here first. Russell is thankful for nothing. I'm thankful for everything. The whole holiday season, Russell couldn't come up with one thing to be thankful for. No, I just didn't want to.

I don't have a singular thing right now. You love that your parents. I'll come up with one for you. I love that your parents had plates with Christmas trees on them. It's so nice to be able to be swept up in the holiday spirit and to have like those little traditions you know that is good my mom actually wrote me a really sweet note oh that was so sweet um and uh and it really was i didn't know tell me about it okay what was the note like oh it was a it was a david bowie book about and and and it went like she wrote a little thing about

like how proud she was of the little boy following his dream. It was very, very sweet. And, you know, actually, yeah. You ready? You got emotional? I should. I should. I should.

It made me very emotional. This is my argument. What? Is that we talk and I go, you do have things, but you have to do what I just did for you. You have to. This is my point Russell told me that story about the subway

off the podcast and I said oh tell that on a podcast and you were like oh yeah oh yeah an interesting thing happened in my life

I'll bring it up on the podcast that's beautiful your mom got you a book and it said like a boy pursuing his dream yeah it was very sweet

that's amazing that's a beautiful it is beautiful thank you for forcing me thank you for forcing that on me hey you gotta do that every show A boy pursuing his dream. Yeah. It was very sweet. That's amazing. I love my mom. That's a beautiful blessing. It is beautiful. Thank you for forcing me. Thank you for forcing that on me. Hey, you got to do that every show. Great.

Great. Just you have a blessing. We're taking stock of the things in our life. I feel blessed that at this point, weed is both legally and socially acceptable to the point where I can say to my agents, hey, you know how you always send me a bottle of champagne when I do something cool? I don't drink. And can you send me weed instead? That's great. That's so funny. Yeah. Have they done it yet?

They have not. They sent me a huge box of Levain cookies that I could not touch. I mean, they were just, it took me two days to eat one of those cookies. I was like, I can't. It was like a dozen box of cookies. I was like, you're trying to, this is a weapon. Sweets are. But I was glad to ask. I was glad that I could ask that, that I could express my needs openly and without shame.

Tove and I have like a, because she gets a lot of gifts of alcohol, and we drink sometimes, but not like this guy. Really, we will go through our liquor cabinet by those times we go to your house and we bring a bottle for the thing. But we just have way too much. So I think that's so that we're more weed people i have a gift to give to tova with me oh okay yeah um well that's great this episode is coming out this is our first

episode of the new year thank you so much for being here what do you want to plug i would love to plug my show less lonely which is at Greenwich House Theater until January 6th. I don't know if anybody will be free that day, January 6th, but we are running until then. So yeah, come through. Check it out. I mean, now you're hoping to do the show elsewhere? I am.

I am. It's a little, now that it's like a theater show and it has like lights and a set, it's a little complicated, but we're going to do at least LA and maybe some other places. We'll see. Nice. Is Elliot Page a producer on it? He is presenting

it, technically, which means that he thinks it's really cool. He does a little press with me sometimes. That's so funny. Yeah, he's the best. I've never heard that. You've seen Mike Birbiglia presents Conan O'Brien. mike brabiglia presents conan o'brien uh presents conan o'brien

i think that's so it's just it's it's it's it's just a funny thing that we do yes it is like yeah i remember what sebastian like what's like sebastian maniscalco like presents or produces comedy specials but his name is so fucking long that if you go on Spotify, all it says like Sebastian Maniscalco dot dot. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's OK. Oh, Amy Schumer presents Keith Robbins. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's very cool.

My name is short, so hopefully it still makes it up in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go check it out. Where can they find you on social media? You got good socials you can find me on Instagram at Jess the Kid on Elon Musk's Twitter

at Jess Tom and tickets to my show at JessTomShow.com Russell what do you want to plug January 2nd just follow me on Instagram at Russell J Daniels if you go to see Gutenberg the musical on Broadway, let me know. And maybe I'll say hi afterwards.

Do you celebrate January 6th? Formally, yeah. Yeah. Formally, religiously, romantically, yeah. I bet you that will become a holiday. Yeah, annually. We need more time to get it into everybody's calendars. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Like that'll be like July 4th for like a certain's calendars. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That'll be the July 4th for a certain group of people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like that. Yeah. Okay, me, guys. Hopefully I've posted my flamingo shots by now so you know, but I will be in Tampa, Florida January 4th through the 6th.

If you're in Florida, I got a lot. I'm doing a temple show January 18th, please come But no, I will not be able to say Some of the jokes that I normally like to say Then I will be in Boca Raton January 19th and 20th And then finally ending the Florida run January 21st in Naples, Florida

Naples is notoriously A tough comedy space But I feel like it's the same old grand old Opry crowd. And otherwise, fuck, go to a sex store. We should get a sponsorship from a sex store.

Would love it. I would love to awkwardly present just the slab. What do you call that slab where it's just the holes? I love the slab. Slab is very... Yeah. The slab. I love the slab. Slab is very, yeah, the slab. It is giving slab.

I don't know what you call it when it's not, like, it's not small enough to be a pocket pussy. Yeah. It's too big. Yeah. It's more like a backpack pussy. That's a carry-on. Yeah. My girlfriend has a CPAP machine.

That would be so funny if your suitcase or your briefcase was just inside it. You would just carry it around the slab. I've had way more issues traveling with sex toys and carry-ons than I've ever had with anything else. Do they think it's a weapon? Yes. Well, I have some sex toys that

could technically be a weapon. Oh my god. What do you mean? I have, oh my god, and we... What do you mean? I have... Oh my god. And we're getting into this in like the last minute of this. I have this thing called the Pure Wand,

which is like a stainless steel, like C-shaped. It looks like an eyebrow piercing, like a stainless steel C with two balls on the end. But it is like... It's like five pounds. It's like...

It's pretty heavy. Like you could really hit somebody with it. And have they taken your bag off to the side? Yes, yes, yes. Because it just shows up as a big metal thing. And what do you say? I say it's a sex toy. And people go, ugh.

And then they put it back. Yeah. They make a noise? They go, ugh. Well, not always. I think sometimes honesty is the best policy. And you're like, look how stupid you look now touching my sex toys. This is the downside.

One, two, three. You're listening to The Downside. The Downside. With Gianmarco Cerezi.