The Downside with Gianmarco Soresi - #190 Wicked Day with Constantine Rousouli

Episode Date: February 27, 2024

Broadway’s Constantine Rousouli joins us to share the downsides of singing "Dancing Through Life" with a thick Jersey accent for Rihanna for the chance to go backstage at Wicked, picking Hairspray over college, the flying monkey ensemble member who fell from a rope and was never heard from again, how to get a parasite out of you using only spaghetti, and why str*ight girls must be stopped. Russell also shares the story about how he got stuck in an elevator for forty minutes where only a baby could hear his screams. You can watch full video of this episode HERE! Join the Patreon for ad-free episodes, exclusive content, and MORE. Follow Constantine on Instagram See Russell in Titanique through 2/28-4/21! https://titaniquemusical.com/ Follow The Downside with Gianmarco Soresi on Instagram Get tickets to our live podcast recording in NYC on March 4 here: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/744000544657?aff=oddtdtcreator OR come see us at the Netflix is a Joke Festival on May 3rd in LA: https://thecomedystore.com/the-downside-with-gianmarco-soresi/ Follow Gianmarco Soresi on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, & YouTube Subscribe to Gianmarco Soresi's email & texting lists Check out Gianmarco Soresi's bi-monthly show in NYC Get tickets to see Gianmarco Soresi in a city near you Watch Gianmarco Soresi's special "Shelf Life" on Amazon Follow Russell Daniels on Twitter & Instagram E-mail the show at [e-mail] Produced by Paige Asachika & Gianmarco Soresi Video edited by Dave Columbo Special Thanks Tovah Silbermann Original music by Douglas Goodhart Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode is brought to you by A Real Pain. From Searchlight Pictures comes one of the buzziest films at Sundance Film Festival, A Real Pain. Written, directed, and starring Oscar nominee Jesse Eisenberg alongside Emmy Award winner Kieran Culkin. Witness a hilarious and moving story about two mismatched cousins as they tour through Poland to honor their beloved grandmother. The adventure takes a turn when the pair's old tensions resurface against the backdrop of their family history. See A Real Pain only in theaters November 15th. Welcome to The Downside. My name is Jamarcus Oresi. I'm here with my co-host who found out a new way to be late. If he meets the guest on the way here, I guess it justifies he can be as late as he wants.

He was lost, and I found him. You were lost? I was lost. He was wandering the streets of New York, and I came across him. Well, he called me, but he couldn't find the place. It is tricky because of the bridge. You think you're going onto the bridge maybe.

I see. Yes, yes, yes. But also, whatever, Google Maps says absolute trash garbage. So it was behind me. I'm like, no, it's not. That says 152. Well, I'm glad you made it. I'm glad you made it. Yeah.

Because you had a thing happen. I did. Russell had a thing happen to him. I did a scary thing. Okay, so for everyone to know. Okay. So yesterday was the Superbowl. I had to go and get, um, just so everyone knows this episode is coming out a little bit late, but, uh, yesterday was yesterday in real life was the Superbowl and I had to go get some last minute things for Superbowl party. So we're talking, you

know, well, it's not important, But one thing is I had bags of ice. That's important. I did not know this detail. So I have a full cart of food and ice. And I get back to my apartment building, get in the elevator, and push my floor. And the door is being a little weird. The door is slowly kind of closing in a slower than normal way.

But I'm like, okay. And it doesn't close all the way. There's like a little gap. And I was like, okay. So I hit the door close button. And it tries to do it. And it's like shaking a little bit like this. It's just going back and forth a little bit.

But it's not fully closing. And I'm like, okay. But I didn't want to like put my fingers in because I was like, what if it closes, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm like, because I was like what if it closes you know. Yeah. So I'm like what's happening. Finally it closes all the way but then it doesn't move and I'm pushing buttons. I'm pushing every button.

I push my floor first it lights up but it's not going anywhere and then I'm like hitting door open, door open, it won't open, it won't open and then I'm like kind of panicking a little bit. So I hit all the buttons just seeing like maybe we can like maybe like there's some sort of program. We hit

all the buttons. It'll do something. Nothing. I'm like okay, so there's about two minutes, two or three minutes of me just kind of like trying buttons and kind of looking at things and being like and then thinking like maybe just calm down. Maybe just like stare at it. There's a sliver though. There's a sliver still there. No, it finally closed closed all the way closed okay then it wouldn't open and then uh and

then um i so i'm like okay let's just stand here for a full minute and maybe something will happen without doing anything and that didn't nothing happened and then i was like okay i'll call i gotta call someone no reception no. Were you like going around? Yes, yeah, yeah. Trying to go up, trying to go down. No reception. How low to the ground did you get? Did you go like... Oh, you know, I'll be honest.

I didn't get that low. I just kind of like... Just I looked at it. I was like figuring, you know. So it's not going to be better lower. It's going to be better higher. Sure. You go to the window to the wall.

Yeah. So then I... Okay, there's other buttons. There's a button that says like push to stop that one scared me because i was like what's it gonna do and then pull to release like pull like you know there's a red one yeah and i was like i'm gonna do that one last because that one's scary so there's alarm so i start hitting the alarm button it's a very loud bell that's going like you know ring rings so you feel like the whole building can hear sure please do something for us so i mean it really is just like a bell like a fire bell kind of like and it's alarming

and loud so i was doing that i did it a couple times and i felt bad about it because i'm like this is so loud like this isn't like but i was like someone will die i don't want inconvenience someone will hear it i do that a few times no No one's hearing it. So then I'm like, okay, there's a phone in here. There's an emergency phone. So I open. Full phone. Like you got to open the panel. Yeah.

And there's a phone that you should be able to dial 911. So I push the emergency button. I hear it dialing perfectly. Uh-huh. Ringing perfectly. And then they answer and they're like. Oh. Oh.

And I'm like, what? I'm like yelling my address. I'm not going to yell Oh! And I'm like, What? I'm like yelling my address. I'm not going to yell here, but I'm like yelling my address. And I'm like, I'm stuck in the elevator. And then I give the address. And they're like, Cutting in and out. You can't hear a single.

You can't hear one full word. Wow. So I'm just screaming the address. I assume with those phones that the moment you call, they know where it is. Yes. That's what i thought too uh-huh i don't know so then i think i hear sirens and like 10 minutes later but it's they

wait you you think they're turning on the sirens for this i don't know there's a person trapped in an elevator so um so i'm like kind of it's been a while now i've tried calling the thing i don't have service try to ring the bell so so then I'm getting desperate. I fully I'm playing with the levels. I'm playing with how much I'm ringing the bell. I'm laying on the bell for long periods and then screaming.

Give me a realistic how are you screaming? First time was, help! I'm trapped in an elevator like that. Uh, really supported. Really?

That was good. It got, well, I didn't want to think people I'm panicking. I wanted people to think like I'm in control. It's not an emergency. I mean, it is an emergency.

You don't want to be like you, you don't want to, they hear you and they're like, I don't want to deal with this guy. Yeah. He sounds a little nuts. So, so I was like that at first. It got more frantic.

This time pull the mic a little further away from you. But then this is what happened. So then I was like, the sustained things and the yelling, it's not doing anything. So then I'm doing quick alarms. So it's kind of like playing around with tempo. Any songs? You're doing any boop-boop-boop-boop-doo?

So then I hear a baby crying. I hear a baby crying on the first floor. Great. First floor. I'm like, okay, I've gotten someone's attention. The baby can hear my screams. You can hear the baby's screams. Now you can hear yours.

I can very clearly. I mean, the elevator is not far from that first floor apartment with the baby. So I hear the baby crying. I'm hitting the alarms more, and I'm screaming louder to be like, I'm in the elevator, And then the baby stops crying. And I'm like, so I ring the bell again and do the thing. Baby starts crying again. And then I know I'm like, there's someone in that building, in that apartment with a

baby, calming the baby down and, and not helping me. And just to add to the story, the ice is melting. So at this point you're about to drown. Yes. I mean, this isn't getting enough. So, so then I'm like, I'm getting mad at the person in the first floor because i feel like they're ignoring me and they're tending to their baby and they're ignoring my screams so then i start saying i know you're in your apartment on the first floor i can hear your baby screaming i am trapped in an

elevator help me help i know i hear your baby i just No, I hear your baby. I just kept saying, I hear your baby. Wow, you really, you shamed him. Well, if they're ignoring someone screaming, they gotta call someone. Something's gotta happen. Anyways, I don't know if they heard ever. They're also, they don't, it's an Airbnb, so I feel less

like, uh, I don't, they don't need to like me. Do you know what I mean? They rent it one month at a time. How long have you been at this point? Do you have your phone so you can know? 10 minutes in? 20, 25 minutes. That is scary, dude.

At least you're on the first floor. About 20, 25 minutes in, then my landlord finally, I hear him from somewhere. He's like, hello? And I was like, and I'm like, Michael, thank you. Thank you so much.

I'm trapped in here. And he said, let me get on it. And then I hear sirens. But then again, they're not coming here. So he comes back five minutes later. He goes, all right, stay with me. I'm going to do something. All the lights go out in the elevator.

It's black. It's black. It's black. And the sound starts, like a sustained sound. I'll play it. Go watch the video of this, because you really got to see how bleak it was. So this is what Russell sent me from his experience. So at that point, I'm in the pitch dark with that buzzing for about 10 minutes and that's when i was like my breathing was like oh you're you're gonna die here you're you're it's scary you know yeah and then all of a sudden that stopped don't worry let me try

something there was nothing and then um And then the power came back on. Nothing for like five minutes. And then all of a sudden, it went down. The elevator went down to the basement. But it was really scary. And I didn't know what to do. When it moved, did you go, huh? No, it moved slowly.

More slowly than normal. It went down to the basement it went like a foot lower than the basement and it opened its doors so it opened its doors and i was like there's a foot and i had this huge cart and i was like i i just seen enough you know there's that one movie when that woman gets cut in half the resident evil yeah yeah and i was like that's what i was envisioning me doing and getting cut in half so I was like I'm not getting out like this so I was like let's just try our luck

and I went back up to the first floor it opened up I stepped out onto the first floor but then I was like my cart and stuff is still there but it was like in the back corner and I was like what do I do what do I do what if I get back on and get trapped again?

I got back on and it went up to the six. You got back on? You got back on? I'm going to carry that cart up six floors. Yeah. You're crazy. You got back on? And it worked fine.

Wow. You took the elevator the same day. I know. I was terrified. Anyways, I'm here. I texted my family before. I said, I love you. I'm good.

I called my landlord. Thanked him. Thank God for him. Michael. Shout out to Michael. He, I'm here. I texted my family before. I said, I love you. I'm good. I called my landlord. Thanked him. Thank God for him. Michael. Shout out to Michael. He's gay. Work. I'm single.

Do you have a gay super? Honestly, no. I don't think so. It's revolutionary. Unbelievable. The progress. You thanked him? Yeah.

He should be thanking you. You should sue the... I mean, the ice must have been melted. He's building. He just runs it. Is that why the ice on the drinks was so light last night? It was warm drinks. Were they warm?

I'm just joking. Jesus Christ. I hope I offended. Yeah, I was. I'm not going to publicly complain. Well, I'm glad you're alive. That's very scary. It was very scary.

You've been stuck in an elevator before? No, actually. It happens. I got stuck recently for 10 seconds, and I said to myself, be calm, and then within three seconds, I was like, I'm freaking out. I think I would die.

One time, I wasn't stuck, but when I was on tour, we were at a hotel where you could see the elevator, like the glass, and the power went out of the hotel, and two of our cast members got stuck, and they were stuck for a couple hours in the elevator, like the glass, and the power went out of the hotel, and two of our cast members got stuck, and they were stuck for a couple hours in the glass, but they could see out. So we could see them in the lobby and be like, ha! They were trapped.

A couple hours? That's a piss. You've got to take a piss a couple hours. Well, I thought about that. I did think about that. I thought, what happens? And I was like, well, there's enough melting ice about that I did think about that I thought what happens and I was like well there's enough

melting ice that if I have to pee I'll just pour all the ice on the floor and it'll melt yeah so like at least what like a urinal

you just make your own personal urinal but I and I was like well I have food that's true you have a whole I had food

I had ice I could have been there for days I could like suck on the ice. You could have been there for days. I could suck on the ice chips. I just can't believe you didn't have the phone. Like in movies these days, you know how they, as a plot device, they have to knock out the phone to keep a problem there. Yeah.

Because otherwise you just call and you get saved. Yeah. And this literally was like, you should film a movie there. Easy, easy, easy one location shoot. In the elevator? Yeah. What's the musical with the elevator where someone gets stuck? Quick. Three, two, one.

It's called... You're the writer. Sweet Charity is the musical with the big elevator scene. Oh, I thought we were making enough. Yeah, I thought you were making enough for a second. I was like... You thought I was challenging him to write a musical? Yeah, I was like, well, here we go. Name it. thought you were making enough for a second. I was like, wait, you thought I was challenging him to write a musical? Yeah, I was like, well, here we go. Name the elevator musical.

Write it now. I watched it because recently it was a video of Timothee Chalamet in college. Doing it? Doing that scene. Wild. Wait, what is that show about? Sweet Charity. I mean, it's just about a gal.

It's a gal. Just about a lady of the night trying to find love. Is she a school costume? I think so. Big spender? Big spender, yeah. What do they spend in an arm? Or she's like, it's implied.

Yeah. There's no like sucking off song. Yeah. The big I want number is I wanted. Well, we're here. Listen, sometimes people go a little too much theater. Then skip this episode. Yeah.

Because we're here. We're going Constantine Roussouli. Yes, you got it. Greek. Greek, baby. Yeah? Yes. How Greek? Like, do you...

Like, so fucking Greek. What about you? Like, something that you do that someone's like, oh, that's a Greek. That's Greek. Greek. We would always, probably still do, cook an actual lamb outside of our house on the spit in the backyard.

And a spit means, is this a big rod? It's like a big rod where the lamb goes and it just goes around for hours in the backyard. The full fucking lamb. Is the head gone? Welcome to Easter. Oh no, the head's there. Yeah, it's wild.

I would come home with the head Like laying off the counter I was like mom That's crazy This is the downside One Two Three Downside

Downside You're listening to The Downside The Downside With Gianmarco Cerezi Alright well that's the end Awesome it was really fun. Thank you.

Thanks for having me. Bye. Welcome to the Downside. I'm so glad to have you here. I'm so happy to be here. Wow. Well, we can finally fucking say it. We could have said it earlier.

I'm gay. That was Russell. That's his new voice. Russell is returning to Titanic. And I think this is coming out on the 27th. So you're going up tomorrow. Tomorrow night, baby.

Oh yeah, you're going on tomorrow, babe. Errol Roth, come see her. Do not fuck it up. Now, do you think you're going to be better or like... No. It's going to be so much better. It's going to be rusty. It's going to be...

Crunchy, crispy, crabby woman. As you can see, Russell and our guest have a relationship. So we're in love. This is the downside. This is a place, if you're listening for the first time, this is a place where we complain, we get negative. We don't have to pretend to be positive. Konstantina, I was doing research.

I listened to you. You were on a podcast episode, and I'm not going to disparage the podcast, but you were talking about affirmations. Oh, I was in it to win. And listened to you. You were on a podcast episode, and I'm not going to disparage the podcast, but we were talking about affirmations and all these things, and I was like, okay, this is the opposite of that. What's the opposite of affirmations?

Defamation? Yeah, defamation of character. Self-defamation of character. Defecation. If you're a fan of the show, join the Patreon, patreon.com slash downside. We got live episodes coming up. We got our Patreon If you're a fan of the show Join the Patreon Patreon.com Slash downside We got live episodes

Coming up We got our Patreon exclusives One a month One live episode a month We're doing one with Megan Gailey In Los Angeles LA baby

And I think Probably announced by then We're gonna be part of A big festival in May In May In LA LA again So check it out

LA come see us Russ people come up All the time on the road, and they're fans of you. Well, they better. I tell them that lie. I'll get Russell to Sacramento someday. No, I won't.

No, you won't. But Los Angeles, that's close enough for you guys. And Russell and Constantine know each other because Constantine, aside from being the star of Titanic, he was also one of the creators of Titanic. Fuck Marla Mandel. Yes. Fuck Marla. Well, she did the show before you

Sloppy seconds over here Thanks for having me first So very exciting to have Russell back in it Beyond But you're not No Probably I saw you, you were great

Did you see it where? At the first place or the second place? I saw it twice Because you're the bestest of friends Do you have rules you see it where? At the first place or the second place? I saw it twice. Because I'm a good friend. Because you're the bestest friend. Do you have rules with your good friends? Like how many times

if they're in a show are you going to see them? Oh, I would see them once. But then, they don't have to see, yeah, come. But you transferred from off-Broadway,

I mean from, what was it, Asylum? Asylum. To off-Broadway where you're like, it's a new show. Well, yeah,

I mean for that it's a completely different show when you think about it. So I was like, it's a new show. Well, yeah. For that, it's a completely different show when you think about it. I was like, you better fucking come back or else your ass is grass. Yeah. You guys have worked together. We did the show. Well, I filled in a few

times at Asylum and then we did the show November to June together of last year Wow yeah it's a long time yeah Wow yeah you left early June we left beginning of June yeah yeah you know pages Tommy so the episode that's coming up before this it was an old episode I recorded with two comedians like as a fill-in episode when we could do it and apparently at the beginning I go like We can break the news guys Russell will be Understudying Josh Gad's role In Gutenberg The musical

It's so outdated I love it Just put it out there So Constantine You grew up In New Jersey Yes

Where in New Jersey? Angle of Cliffs Right over the bridge Fun? Yeah I mean it was great I was in the city all the time So I would

Sneak out Take the A train And just like Live my little gay life In the west village getting piercings going to see shows oh yeah yeah like my cartilage because i'm gay as hell and i was like i have to get this done when i was 15 and and were you a broadway boy like were you seeing broadway shows way back always since i was a kid any any really special ones really special ones? Really special ones? What was one that was...

Who did I see? I mean, there were so many. Wow, question. Great question. I think my first show was Phantom of the Opera, so I don't remember who was in it. And it was good. You were at the age where you were like, whoa, shit, the Lear. Oh, I was like, holy shit. Actually, when I was like, holy shit,

I was, I think, 11, 9, maybe 10. I saw Aida, the original cast with Heather Headley, Adam Pascal. That's who we both said we gravitated to. Yes. And then I truly lost my mind. I blew up into a bundle of gay rainbows, and I was like, I have to do this show. Didn't you do a competition like a oh yeah for

yeah tell us that when i was like when i was in high school i um made my mother drive me i think somewhere upstate to audition for wicked day it was like a wicked singing competition like the musical where you'd have to go sing a song from the show and then if you get chosen you would have to compete day of at the Gershwin Theater with like 12 people and then like

the person who wins got maybe I don't know a ticket to the show and a backstage like tour but did the song have to be

from Wicked? has to be from Wicked oh my god so just a bunch of guys singing Dancing Through Life we all sang Dancing Through Life oh my god my Jersey accent was so hard back Dancing Through Life we all sang Dancing Through Life oh my god my Jersey accent

was so hard back in the day that I remember being on stage I was I think 14, 15 I was but also listen to who the judges were

it was the Shoshana Bean lol um Megan Hilty lol also Rihanna

okay it was Rihanna. Okay? It was Rihanna. What did she have nothing to do that day? That's a really, that seems like a small game. Right before she blew up. It was like 2003, 4? Early Wicked Days. Early Wicked Days.

And I was like, I'm going to be in the show. And I was wearing, I'll never forget this, like diesel acid wash jeans with a white belt. Don't even. And then my crazy accent where I sang Dancing Through Life with no accompaniment because it was too high at the time because my balls had just dropped. And I was like, Dancing Through Life,

down at the Oz Dust, if only because dust is what we come to. And then people were like, what? And Rihanna's like, I got to succeed so I never have to do this again. Yeah. And then I stopped in the middle of the song. I was like, let's go down to the as dust. Done.

Why? Because I was like, I'm done. I'm good. As dust? Yeah, I think it was like one of those. It was wild. Wow. And I mean, in my head, I was like, oh, I'm totally going to win.

Then you were wicked though. Then I was. But hold on. Before the success, what did... It happened. Okay, so did other people have a cup in a minute? Oh, yeah. People were like saying to karaoke tracks.

I was like, I'm actually going to sing a cappella. And there's also just a song with like some, oh, that needs music behind it. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's a terrible song. So what did they say? They were just like, woo. Huh.

Awesome. Was there any feedback? No feedback. They were just like, whoo, ha, awesome. Was there any feedback? No feedback. They were just like, that was great. They're like, look at this guy. So no one was going hard.

No one was going, people were going hard, but it was like, the judge is going, you don't have it, honey. No, it wasn't like American Idol, wild.

Yeah. It was, they were, everyone was just like, that was so sweet. You have a great tone. Awesome. You have such great ring. I gotta say now, imagine, like, that was so sweet. You have a great tone. Awesome. You have such great ring.

I got to say now, imagine, so I'm sure Shoshana B and Megan Hilty were in the show. Oh, yeah. They were in the show. That's just something they had to do on a day off. Yeah. Pissed. Can you imagine being asked to go and listen to people sing all day long on your day off from doing Wicked?

Yeah, the same show. Oh, my God. Can you imagine 50 people just singing one song from Gutenberg? But also Rihanna was there, guys. Can we go back to that? That's true. That's so weird. Isn't that crazy?

Gutenberg, they do it for Gutenberg, and it's Ice Spice. Ice Spice, Josh Gadman. Goodbye. Goodbye, little orphan Annie. She's got to go. Ice Spice? Ice Spice. Goodbye. Goodbye, little orphan Annie. She's got to go. Ice Spice? Ice Spice. Sorry, not a fan.

Do you think you were good? I don't know what she does. Do you think you were like, I understand you had this accent. Oh, did I think I was good? I thought I was fucking incredible. Looking back, were you a talented, like, do you think if we saw we go like,

no, she's very talented. At 15, I mean, I guess I was like on my way up. But like, yeah, I mean, I guess I always on my way up. But yeah, I mean, I guess I always had something, I guess. Because I started working at 17. I got hairspray out of high school. When you sang it, did you straighten it up? Or it sounded like you were singing Tu Fiero. Oh, I butchered it up so hard.

I was looking at all the girls. I was like, let's go down to the Azazapur room. And I was like winking and throwing this. Is it frustrating? Very upsetting. I was so frustrated. I watched, there's a video. There's a video of it? There's a video. I'll find it.

Oh my god, please find it. We'll put it in here. It's wild. It's truly unbelievable. Is it frustrating that so many roles that you play uh-huh you have to butch it up or play straight like like i just can't imagine what my life would be if every musical i played if everyone if or 95 of them it was a romantic to another man it just would be like it just would you know be an acting challenge i guess a character yeah but like to have

to do it constantly is it ever do you ever go like can someone just do an all male production of wicked or where the wit the you know something i mean we grew up with like in this business it was a different generation back then so like i butching it up was like i remember the agents being like okay you're gonna go in there and you're gonna you're gonna act you're gonna have to be the straight man and i was like okay that's, that's fine. I mean, I'm playing a character. I get it. Was it easy? Oh, yeah. Was it like the birdcage? Did you have to learn how to walk?

It's like I'm wearing heels for the first time. Oh, my God. What do I do? No, it was, I mean, no, it was easy. It was fine. It was annoying because I was so scared to show my true self. So I was like, oh, fuck, I can't have them find out I'm never gonna

no I'm never gonna work I also say this because I've been asked to put shit up and it's a struggle I mean truly yeah yeah

it's annoying I mean it depends but like yeah they don't do that shit anymore I think you just know what role you're going in for but I'm not gonna have you ever seen a production

where it's very clear the leading man is gay and he's doing a romantic song with a woman? And it's like, you don't want that. I remember seeing. Baby girl, baby bride, you don't want that. I remember seeing that when it comes out the most, I feel like it's when there's like gangs or like in like.

Oh, like West Side Story? West Side Story or Spring Awakening. Oh, yeah. I remember I've seen a couple of the productions where you're like, they're like, I'm gonna fucking, you know, and it's like, that's where you feel like it feels noticeable. Sure.

Like when there's an element of violence sometimes. I mean, they're all pretty gay. I mean, even the straight ones are so fucking gay. Yeah. I'm like, guys, get it? I'm like, you butch it up. Yeah. Meanwhile, it has like two kids.

Hey, Russell, butch it up, babe. It's hard. Sorry. It's hard. Sorry. It's hard. Difficult. So, in your school, were you the king

of the theater program? Yeah. Yes and no. I went to an all-boys Catholic high school, which was, I know, pause for laughs.

LOL. It was a sports, uniform sports school. I played sports growing up. So I was a baseball player. And then sophomore year, I was like, fuck this. I'm going to be in the choir and I'm going to sing and do plays. And I quit every sport

and I was like, great, I'm going to be in this musical, which was the Will Rogers Follies. In high school. In high school. That's very Catholic, safe. Yeah, but it was all the girls school. So I would have to go to all the girls schools and audition so there was no it was only boys strictly boys um and i was basically uh yeah i mean from from my my school i was the the one to watch yeah she was the one to watch yeah yeah how many other boys were doing the musicals from your school? No one.

See, all the other boys from the area, like Don Bosco and whatever, these other rivals, they could also audition for the girls' school. They had a bunch of gay theater people at their school. I was the only one being like, yeah, what's up? I also auditioned with

a moment like this, Kelly Clarkson, because she had just won American Idol. I stayed up all night memorizing the song and I walked in of course because I love acapella I walked in I was like I'm gonna sing a moment like this Kelly Clarkson from American Idol and they're like what at Will Rogers Follies I was like yeah when you got to do that show I booked it just let you know as well as well Rogers Follies yeah wait and so you got to do that show. And I booked it. I booked it. Just letting you know. That was your first show. Will Rogers. Will Rogers Follies.

And so you got to see, did you essentially get to see at all the other Catholic schools, you're like, oh, there's another gay guy. There's another gay guy. We all met. Yeah, I mean,

I wasn't gay then. So like, I was just like, fuck these guys. I was like, they suck. You were just like, fuck these guys.

I was like, fuck these guys. I was like, gross. Get out of here. I was like, I'm going to finger bang all these girls. To the like, fuck these guys. I was like, gross. Get out of here. I was like, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to finger bang all these girls.

To the Will Rogers Folly soundtrack. Yeah, backstage. That's nice. It's just, it's like, in a way, in a way that they, that they set up theater.

I don't know. I can't imagine going to a Catholic school. Was it, was it? Absolute garbage. Nuns? Priests. No nuns. Actually, yeah? It was the worst. Absolute garbage. Nuns? Priests. No nuns.

Actually, yeah, there was one nun. It was just the worst. It was absolutely the worst. I have no friends from high school in that actual boys' school. I can't even tell you not one person I went to school with.

The only person I know is my chorus teacher who was like my mentor who I love. And he's gay. Yeah? So wait, they had chorus though

at the all boys school so you yeah there was all boys choir yeah but it was like for losers and I was like

great I'm the loser who's in this but I was like at least I'm doing something yeah and the choir teacher became your one of my best friends still

yeah my mentor yeah was he I had a voice person at our school and he was very young like looking back I'm like he was 25 yeah school and he was very young. Like looking back, I'm like, he was 25? Yeah.

He's young. Was he young too? Like did you, or was he like an older mentor or was he like an older? He was an older mentor. I don't know how old he is now, but I would say he was probably in his 30s. Like does he come, does he see Titanic? Oh, we've seen it a million times. That's so sweet.

It's the best. I love him so much. So how did you navigate Catholic school? Like, were you getting in trouble? Were you drinking? Oh, no. I was so good. I mean, I would, like, secretly, like, sneak out of the house and, like, you know, we'd

go to parties and stuff. But, no, I was pretty, like, straight-laced. I didn't do anything. Because I didn't have any friends. Yeah. Really? Really? I didn't have any,. Yeah. Really? I didn't have any guy friends in school.

So I was hanging out with all the girls. And then the guys would be like, yo, I heard you're hanging out with Stephanie. And I was like, yeah. They're like, yo, invite me, man. And were you trying to help him? Yeah. And I'd be like, okay. I was like, this guy wants to come.

You'd be like, but only after I finger banger first. Yeah, I was like, I got to finger banger. I got first dibs. I got first dibs on that guy. Finger banging. Finger banging. Back in the day. Yeah, I was like, I got a fingerbanger. I got first dibs on this puss. I got first dibs on that guy. Fingerbanging. Fingerbanging back in the day. Yeah. Wild.

So then you dropped out of high school. I finished. No, no, I finished. You finished. I finished. I graduated and then two weeks later I joined the Hairspray National Tour. That's crazy. Yeah, it was wild.

So you must have been auditioning when you were ending. Yeah, I was auditioning because I grew up so close to the city. It was like 20 minutes away from Manhattan. Yeah, it was wild. So you must have been auditioning when you were ending. Yeah, I was auditioning because I grew up so close to the city. It was like 20 minutes away from Manhattan. Yeah. And I remember going to this open call for hairspray. And you're non-equity. I was non-equity at the time. So you're waiting.

So I'm just... Putting your name. Yeah, I put my name at like 6 o'clock in the morning. I was like, I hope... For people listening, like, describe... Oh, a non-equity call. How low on like describe. Oh, a non-equity call. How low on the ladder you are in a non-equity call. Oh, the lowest of lows.

Like scum of the earth. You are, good luck. You will probably never even get into the room. Yeah. You get to sing half a bar. You get to sing like eight bars. Eight bars. Yeah.

Which is very, very little. It's like this. Dancing through life. Down at the. Exactly that. It's like this. Dancing through life. It's down at the. Exactly that. It's really cool. Yeah. So I auditioned.

I put my name in. And I was like, well, I'm going to see what happens. Because I was obsessed with that show. And then I finally got a chance to sing. I sang whatever Link Larkin sings. He's like the little gay male lead. Yeah. Is he gay? No, he's like the little gay male lead. Yeah. Is he gay?

No, he's not gay. Who gets with Tracy? He gets with Tracy. He gets with Tracy. But if you guys saw the movie, it was Zac Efron. So it was that part. Oh, okay.

Just like the teen dream monster. Sang his song and they're like, oh, cool. It's like, can you stay and dance? And I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Stayed and danced. And they're like, okay, cool. Can you come back and sing again? And I was like, yeah. And they're like, great. Here are these sides. I was like oh cool it's like can you stay and dance and I was like yeah yeah yeah stayed and danced and they're like okay cool can you come back and sing again I was like yeah and they're like great here are these sides I was like cool like come back tomorrow I was like okay so I kept on like it was just like a whole like three days of non-stop were you gonna go to

college or did were you yeah are you you're missing school these days you're just oh I mean I was like I I went and then I would like go to school late because i mean it was like junior year yeah i mean senior year so i was like pretty much done i think i had to go to school maybe for like two classes yeah um but yeah i auditioned and then i remember my final callback was the same day as my final as my calculus final lol me doing calculus can't even count my fucking hands um so i told so my mentor, I was like, hey, you have to help me here. I was like, I have a final call for hairspray. He was like, what? He's like, why didn't you tell me?

I was like, I don't know. Wait, I love this very understanding teacher. Oh, the best. Oh, he was my number. He was like, okay, this is what we're going to do. He's like, you're going to drive to school. He's like, because my parents didn't know. Your parents, you didn't tell your parents you were doing this?

No. Oh, that's so crazy. Why? Because they'd be upset? Because they were like, you're not going to knock on this college. If you were 17, though, there was no rule of like,

do you have to be 18 to even do this? They weren't checking IDs or anything like that. No, they weren't checking IDs. I looked older anyway, so they were just like, okay, cool, you're of age. Non-equity. Who cares?

They check IDs to be like, you're too fucking old to be... Yeah, they're like, non-equity, who cares? So I went to school. He was like, you're going to drive your car. He's like,

I'm going to check you in, and then we're going to say you're going to get sick, and then you're going to go home. He's like, but really, you're going to leave the car, and you're going to take the bus into the city. He's like, and then you can come back and pick up your car

at school this is so much for a non-equity role isn't it hairspray tour so wait no but it's a very cool teacher but it was an equity it was like oh it's an equity it must have been one of the first tours but i say this teacher sounds cool right the best ever yeah like i just see a lot of teachers going no well then you missed it. Well he was my best friend. Oh this was the same as Yeah yeah yeah. No no no.

He sang a different I just went to school and I before the I see. Before the final even began I said hey I'm sick.

He was like great you're gonna go home right now. That's incredible. And he goes and I'll tell them that you're gonna just make up the exam. And I was like cool.

That's brilliant. So you go So I go I audition my tits off I was like, cool. That's brilliant. So you go. So I go. I audition. My tits off. I was like, I fucking, I was like, I booked this. Yeah. Didn't hear for like, I don't know, maybe a week, week and a half, two weeks.

And I was like, too long. I was like, it's too long. It's out. Done. Never going to happen. And then I'm driving back. I think it was like, I don't know. We had graduation practice.

Yeah. And I get a phone call. And they're just like, hey, this is Hairspray. We want to offer you the role of Link Larkin. You know, you start rehearsals in two weeks. I was like, what? Crying. You were crying? Of course.

Oh, yeah. It was a little mess. I was crying. Wait. Well, this is 2000 what? This was 2005. 2006. Okay. So you have a cell phone Oh yeah yeah yeah

Cause I was like I was trying to imagine Like too like Not telling your parents I think I had like a Razor Or like a Nokia Or one of those Yeah

Wow And Tell me about telling your parents That you're not gonna go to college Yeah I said hey guys Um So remember when I was gonna go to school For musical theater

Where were you gonna go? Um I got into Syracuse It was between Syracuse And Montclair State University when I was going to go to school for musical theater? Where were you going to go? I got into Syracuse. It was between Syracuse and Montclair State University. Because I was like, I think I'm going to go to Montclair so I can be close to the city and audition. So I ended up going to Montclair. But I didn't go. So I told my parents, I was like, cool.

So remember that time that I auditioned for Hairspray Behind Your Back and you guys had no idea? And they're like, what? I was like, well, I booked it. And my father was like, Jesus Christ, con. Jesus Christ, what are you going to do?

Not go to school? I was like, yeah, I'm not going. And he was like, all right. He was like, you're the lead in this show. I can't say no.

To be fair, majoring in musical theater is also not going to school. Oh yeah, it's absolutely. So you really set him up well for that. Garbage.

Yeah. Like, what are you going to do with that? It's so so thank god i didn't go to school and i don't have fucking debt i feel i feel great about this you imagine if you imagine i went to that down link lark in the national tour to go to any school yeah any school and school do musical theater do musical theater yeah no yeah no um and then i have all this debt How long did you do that tour for? I did the tour for two years. Wow. Then I fucked up my back in Tampa because we were like traveling nonstop

and I was like lifting all these bitches off these chairs and I was like, everybody get it together. Like in the show? In the show, yeah. And then I tore... I don't know if you're still in your straight face there. Oh, definitely, definitely straight. Give it some moves.

Oh, yeah? Finger blasting the entire cast. Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. Yeah, finger blasting all yous. Just one-handers. On the bus. On stage. On stage.

Yeah, so I broke my back, basically. I go home. I'm in PT for two two months and we're supposed to go to uh china and i get a random phone call this was like this is actually the where it really began the this is where the life really begins um i got a phone call from 212 and back in the day we'd always joke oh 212 is calling it It's Broadway. Oh, we still do that. We still do that. Yeah. Broadway.

Broadway. It's Broadway. Broadway's calling. We still make that joke, yeah. And I was on the couch. I was almost done with this recovery. I was about to get my schedule to go to China to do Hairspray in China

because that's where we're still going on. And then all of a sudden, I get a call from 212, and I pick up, and I will never forget. I was eating chips on my couch watching Maury and it's dark times and it was Hairspray Broadway called Laura Green's office and she's like hey is this Constantine I was like yeah she's like it's Laura Green's office

I was like awesome thinking that they're going to give me my schedule for China and I was like what's up I was like is is this about the China schedule? And she was like, I have no idea what you're talking about. She's like, this is Hairspray Broadway. And I was like, oh, okay, hey. I'm thinking everybody's in the same office. They're like, great. Ashley Parker Angel also broke his back,

and we have nobody to... They need to adjust the choreography. Yeah. Clearly. He had the same exact injury as me, which is wild. Oh my God. It's cooked into the show then. I know, right? I was like, cut it.

Now I'm like walking like a bag of bones over here. I have like no cartilage left. So they call and they're like, it was a Saturday morning and they're like, how quickly can you get to the theater? And I was like, the Neil Simon. And they're like, how quickly can you get to the theater? And I was like, the Neil Simon?

And she was like, yeah, you're on on Tuesday. We're offering you Link Larkin on Broadway for a month because Ashley's out. And I was like, what? Wait, what? Crying again. Now I'm screaming, being like, oh my god. It's like a dream come true. They're like, get to the theater now.

You have to go into a hair and makeup and a wardrobe and whatever to get fitted. I go. I have a little rehearsal because it's different from the tour. The Broadway company is completely different from the tour. And then I Tuesday night went on

with no put in. Maybe I went like an hour and a half, met the cast. I was like, hey. And they're like, wait, this is the guy from the tour. What is he doing here? Like, he's your new lead actor for the month. Did that. Ashley came back. And then after that, they hired me full time

for like a year. What did you do full time when he was back? No, no. I left. I went back. full-time for like a year. What did you do full-time like when he was back? Were you understudied? No, no, I left. I went back. His contract was like up maybe like a month after. Oh, okay.

So in my eyes, I was like, this was great. I'm going to probably go back to tour. And then they were like, actually, we're going to hire you back

full-time. Yeah, insane. Amazing. Talk to me about these Broadway injuries because I know you almost got in. You got injured. Well, I got injured falling down the stairs. You were walking down the stairs injuries. Because I know you almost got injured. I got injured falling down the stairs.

You were walking down the stairs normally. Oh, okay, cool. I was not doing anything a part of the show. I just fell down the stairs. You're just mentally ill. I had a callback for a TV thing that I did book. And I remember I was so excited. I ran down the stairs and I went flying.

Really? And it's not an often thing. And I was like, oh, my God, if I had broken something. Yeah. Back was just the worst injury you've had? Yeah, it was bad. It was L5-S1. So like sacrum area, like where you could bend over.

I could not bend. I truly like to brush my teeth. It was like that much. Oh my God. Excruciating pain. What are the horror stories? I guess Spider-Man is the classic. Well, he died.

Someone died in Spider-Man. Not Spider-Man. Not Spider- is the classic. Well, he died. Someone died in Spider-Man. Not Spider-Man. Not Spider-Man. Somebody died in Spider-Man. Someone died in Spider-Man. Yeah, they fell. They fell, broke their back, and I think died. No, I don't think they died.

No, let's start spreading. No, they didn't die. I thought he died. That's crazy. I mean, we can look it up. They would have shut down the show if he died. No, I mean, they tried. I've seen the video.

There's two people. There was like 87 injuries in that show The funniest one was There was the guy Whose foot got crushed I believe And suddenly

He's on like Good Morning America The next day like Disney is great And they were doing their best And I slipped up And I was like I want to know the money

I want to know the money Yeah I want to know There was this one girl At Wicked Who She went up She was a flying monkey And she fell

Flat on her face A rope snapped And they stopped the show And they were like, everybody Into your dress rooms now Do not look at her, don't talk to her Do not, you cannot Nothing, no eye contact do not i mean the

lawsuit was crazy she then disappeared out of nowhere and was not allowed to talk to any of us so we had no idea she never came back to the show she got up i'm sure you were in the show at this time i was playing fear at the time i was like oh my god so okay so you did you hear it were you backstage were you on stage i was on stage they stopped the show and I was like, I was like, God damn it. I was like, I just killed that number. What is happening?

Because you don't ever stop that show. That show's a beast. And I just heard her scream. We heard her scream and everyone's like, get off stage, downstairs,

dressing rooms, now. Did they close the curtain? Closed the curtain. They're like, ladies and gentlemen, the show will begin in about five minutes.

We have a technical difficulty. But they all saw. They all saw her fall from the i mean she fell from the back but like you probably couldn't see it because there was like cogs and shit and fucking flying yeah yeah you can't see shit on that stage someone should have pulled the curtain back like revealing the wizard and saying guys this is evil yeah so so then you guys just never heard from her again never heard from her again and you have no idea. She was not allowed to talk to any of us and to tell us what happened. Did anyone say, no, we're not going back

there. That's my friend. There must be so much money involved. She probably got millions of dollars. You really think so? I swear to God, 1,000%. She just gave up on her dreams? She said, oh, I came this. This is kind of an exit strategy. She got really hurt% I think we She just gave up on her dreams She said Oh I came this I mean this is kind of

An exit strategy She got really hurt I think too Like broke a bunch of shit What's her name? I can't say I can't say her name Will you tell us after?

I want to find her Oh God Yeah You know we're filming it Right here Oh great He actually don't remember Her name

That's so It was scary. I was like, that's fucked up. If I'm in most shows and they were like, here's even $50,000 and you can't talk to anyone again. I'd be like, great. Titanic is going to give you $50,000. I can't talk to Connie again?

LOL. I'll see him. I'll just go over. I just think about all the actors who had to play Flying Monkey in Act 2 and they're like, can we skip this i just think about all the actors who like had to play flying monkey in act two and they're like can we can we skip this i know yeah check all the ropes well yeah it was really it was crazy it was just it like snapped and it was like something that was so oh that's so scary there's this other guy in little mermaid who got a shit ton of money because he broke his back he fell like from the top all the way down. The falling is so scary. The falling is so scary. Broke his back, and then I think now he owns Disney.

I've heard stories about Disney, too, that if you get injured at the park or something. Are you talking about this? Someone told me a story. Did you tell me that story? Did you tell me? Someone here, I felt like, told me a story. About what?

About someone getting injured on a Disney ride, and then their family, they have like, no one ever knows what they were awarded. I think they died. Someone died on a ride or something. But then now they have like, the family gets like, it's like there's some deal. They get free passes for the Disney.

But like, it's like, no, no, there's like money involved. Every time you go to Space Mountain, there's this like Mourning family That constantly gets put To the front of the line I don't know But like The show injuries are scary

But like When people fall from like I don't know It's just horrifying Because then everyone's watching too Everyone's a part of it Yeah I've never gotten injured

On stage I mean You know Small things But not like Has anyone ever died In the Broadway show? I mean I think there's been like...

I think there's heart attacks, I'm sure. Yeah. I would add that to the show as like, you know how sometimes like an actor will pretend to break for a comedic moment? Yeah. Like, I think if I saw Wicked, what would make it memorable?

This guy right here. I don't do that. Oh, pretending to break? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, what is his name? Cary St. Louis? Yeah. Dragger.

When that happened, did they tell you, hey, don't talk about this? Oh, yeah. They were like, we can't talk about this. It is like, we are sweeping it under the rug

with we have legal part of it. That's what they said, too. Yeah, we are sweeping everything under the rug. That's our formal statement. You guys can't ask questions it is now going on it's going to legal so we have to completely bow out just think it's especially when when i i understand all all art is corrupt and evil at this level but when the show is literally about like good and evil and doing the right thing and doing the wrong thing, I mean, that's where it feels just really poignant.

Yeah. So do you feel free, if I were to say to you, what do you think of the Wicked trailer, are you going to answer me honestly? Oh, yeah. What do you think of the Wicked trailer? Love it. Absolutely love it.

I think it looks great. How long did you do Wicked? On and off 10 years. Wow. I went back like 2021. I had just looks great. How long did you do Wicked? On and off 10 years. Wow. I went back like 2021. I had just had COVID, and I hadn't done it in seven years. And I, or everybody was, you know, COVID, COVID,

but when everything was coming back, and I got a call from one of our stage managers, and she was like, Hey, Connie, what are you doing tomorrow night? And I was like, no. I, what are you doing tomorrow night? And I was like, no. I was like, what do you want? They're like, you're on tomorrow if you can do it. I was like, I haven't done the track in seven years, babe. Do any of these shows, do you doing them,

we talk a lot about having to do the same show over and over. Do you ever go crazy? Oh, yeah. Mentally ill. Yeah? Yeah. Not as bad Oh, yeah. Mentally ill. Yeah? Yeah. Not as bad as Marla. Sure.

Yeah. Because really talking to Marla was just interesting in that Marla really seemed like not into ever doing... Musical theater ever again. And yet she's continuing to write new musicals

where she's putting herself as the lead. Sure. Sure. Yeah. I mean, I imagine it's slightly different When you're

When you've written A show Yeah And the show that you've written Is a little Is more free Than a lot of shows are Totally

So strict though I did a play Before I really Switched to stand-up comedy And I thought it'd be fun Doing my own show But I was still then Stuck in the confines

Of my own show And when a scene didn't work, I had to like, I had no one to blame. And I couldn't change it. Like, they just hit a point where there was like, the whole second act was like, it needed something. And we didn't have time to fix it. And so every day I had to go into the show knowing that halfway through

I was going to lose the audience. I didn't say sucked. I think that was amazing. Amazon's holiday deals are here so you can celebrate the season early. With low prices on decor, electronics, and beauty. Perfect for stocking stuffers. And my stocking's looking good. Shop holiday deals early on Amazon now. Mama, look at me.

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Can you talk about Ghosts? Like Ghost the Musical? That's the one you did, yeah. Like the Demi Moore, Patrick Swayze one? Yeah, absolutely. This is where all musicals are going these days. It's just movies. It was wild.

Made as musicals. It was wild. It was, what? I think it was 2012 that happened. 2011, 2012. Is it considered, and I don't mean this cruelly, a flop? Yeah, 1,000%. Uh-huh.

It was good. It did well in the UK. It did incredible in the UK. How long was it in the UK? I want to say a couple years. Here's the gag, is that they flew the entire Broadway company. Yeah company yeah he told me this they flew us all for a week to london to go see the production and do like i don't know meet and greets with the cast and then do some press stuff and very confident a lot of money so much money was with the london people into that or were they like we were hoping

to be transferred to broadway oh they they all know that they weren't going to go so I mean it was fun they ran to it everyone was like oh my god you're playing me you're playing me so it was one of those who was better looking

you or the guy playing you well I was a standby so I I stood by for the Patrick Swayze role and and then I understudied

the evil one the fuck's his name I don't know the only reason to see the show is his name? I don't know. The only reason to see the show is just to do that clay scene. The clay scene was great. I had to learn how to play the guitar,

which was insane because I can't do two things at the same time, especially with an instrument. So they were like, you're going to have to play this live. I was like, no, I'm not. I was like, just have the guy downstairs play it and I'll just fake it.

Yeah. I was like, you're not going to fucking make me learn how to play guitar, but I had guitar lessons every single day for like an hour before the show oh my god i still can't play the fucking song i was like unchain melody goodbye not happening but yeah it was crazy the show was really honestly it could have worked if it was just like the four characters like whoopi goldberg you know to me pati, Patrick Swayze, Evil Guy, that's it. And like the magic was unbelievable

because with David Copperfield. He came in and did like insane magic. Wow. I've talked shit about David Copperfield on this podcast. Yeah.

But that was back in the day when he was still not phoning it in. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you meet him? He came to opening night, yeah. His assistants came

and like set the show. Sure. But it was wild. What is it like being part of something that big that feels like it's falling apart or that it's gonna close how long was it actually running four months oh wow okay including previews including previews wow that is quick when do you first you're excited of course i was like oh my god it was my first um i think original company

new i've never been i was never part of Like an original Broadway company before I was just like All in these like Old running Fucking shows For years so And you were understudying But were you in the ensemble

Otherwise Uh huh Okay cool And Yeah It was just crazy It was really fun And then

We saw it in London And we all Turned to each other And were like I hope they I hope're like, I hope they change it. I hope they've learned. And then they came back and then it got a little... Wait, why?

What was wrong with it? It was doing well there. It was doing well there, but then we saw it and I was like, this is not going to fly in New York. It was just like, you know, less British accents for sure. Yeah, way... Oh my god, there's this guy on the album. He's like, Odomay Brown is a charlatan. And I was like, what guy on the album. He's like, Otome Brown is a charlatan. And I was like,

what the hell is it? I was like, we're going to say charlatan? And I was like, come on. I'm like, get it together. But yeah, no, it was bad when we saw it in London.

And then they came back here and they tried to really juice up the ensemble, like making a full dance show. And I was like, guys, you can't have Ghost, the movie, try to like like really juice up the ensemble like making a full dance show and i was like guys you can't have ghost the mute like the movie and then have these like new york numbers where we're just like with briefcases being like we're on the go new york new york new york the greatest place you'll ever be and we're like turning fucking chairs i was like this is insane and then we were

ghosts like everybody was a separate ghost there was like a 1940s ghost i was a pilgrim ghost there was like did you have a line as a pilgrim oh i have no lines as a pilgrim there was us in the hospital scene like something was happening and there's just like a gaggle of party city ghosts around a dying body and i was like this is so wild yeah and it was like you're not gonna cut this number yeah like cut the number so you had to put on a whole outfit and I was like this is so wild and it was like you're not gonna cut this number like cut the number so you had to put on a whole outfit

and you just float and then you float off stage I had to find the pilgrim costume but they didn't they

we knew I think the show was clearly not reviewed well so they didn't give me like a full wig so they were like what are we gonna do

he needs a wig they gave me Casey Levy's old wig that she never wore and they dyed it white. So her and I had the same hair. And I was like, so you're going to give me Casey's old wig?

They're like, you have a tiny head, it fits. I was like, cool. What is it like, because for people who don't know, the reviews don't come out until after opening night. Opening night.

They come out at what? Like 10 p.m.? They come out at 11 or 12. Once the show goes down, you're like, oh, my God, that was amazing. I nailed it. You get to the party. You get to the party. And then the vibe, you feel the vibe.

Having just done it, you kind of feel the vibes of how the party feels. And everyone gets to the party. It everyone's it's like everyone gets the party it's fun fun fun and then you're like then the reviews start coming in and it's either you know uh and it's everyone at the party now that your phones are you all like sneaking away are you like oh my god you're going to the bathroom you're like looking you're yeah and then there's like what do they say what are the times you feel the party do you do you feel the mood of the party does anyone does anyone make a toast and go like well we we tried well we're having fun just no one says anything no i think they're just

they that sounds like the worst night of the worst i hate when they do it it's like let us enjoy it and then like the next day like let's do it the next morning the next morning i don't like don't look at it now yeah like let's enjoy it out now like yeah they really should wait till the next morning Don't look at it now They really should wait till the next morning Did you show up at the party? Oh I know I was like we're totally going to close Where was the party? It was actually a great party

They had so much money They were so rich I was like this is awesome It was at the tunnel Do you remember that? No I haven't heard of. It was at the Tunnel. Do you remember that? Yeah, I've heard of it. Heard of it? No, haven't heard of the Tunnel. It's called the Tunnel.

I think they, like Carrie Bradshaw went there in the Sex and the City. And it was like a big place in like the 90s. 80s, 90s. And then they closed it down and now they've reopened it and they made it like an event space. I just love someone being there who doesn't know what's going on. It's like, everyone at this party seems... Yeah, everyone sucks at this party. Yeah. Yeah, I think we all just got wasted and we're what's going on it's like everyone at this party seems yeah everyone sucks at this party yeah

yeah I think we all just got wasted we're like whatever it's gonna be fun yeah I saw a funny thing from I forget maybe Zach Braff

was talking about like doing Broadway and like being like the rehearsals are so fun the previews are fun and then you do opening night party

and like and like if it's bad then you're just like well we'll just do the same show it's locked already so you're like you just like you find out that it's bad and then you're like well we're not making any changes it's just now we just do this bad show like every night you know it's like a bizarre mental it's so weird to me how you can't go like how the the script is locked yeah well the bible's locked you're like what do you mean we can't it's not working let's change it yeah but then you change it and then someone dies from falling on a new rope that was added and then they go that's

why we don't change yeah i mean it's true that's like that's where you where like especially that's why i struggle with my play where i was like can i just change it because like it's i'm saying it and i'm writing it And I'm writing it So we can change it But then they're like But then the cues The cues It's the cues

You're like Boop boop boop boop We have to have another rehearsal It's the fog We gotta add more fog Don't even Don't get Connie started Don't get me started

With fucking stage fog Okay What? You don't like it? No It can choke It needs to go It is truly garbage

It's the worst It gives you bronchitis It gets you sick I can't It needs to go It is truly garbage It's the worst It gives you bronchitis It gets you sick I can't It gets you sick? I got so sick I'm so allergic to it Yeah

Really? Yes You'd be eating bronchitis from it No but I got something else You'd come off stage And you'd be like I'd be pissed Yeah

You'd be like There's too much fog today It really is an easy way To add a false sense of depth. Yes. Yes. Yes. And like,

oh, budget. Whoa, smoke. Yeah. I did a shoot once where it was supposed to be like a stage play in black and white and constant smoke.

Yeah. Every take, they had to bring in the smoke. Yeah. I mean, but try singing through that shit. You can't.

It just sits. And then it picks up all the fucking dust in the air and it's just like, ha, ha, ha, we're going to put that in your throat. The theaters are... It doesn't bother me with fog, but there are a lot of things at theaters

where you feel you're inhaling old shit. Mold. Yeah. Moldy-ass asbestos. I feel like, yeah. You know what Natalie Walker told me? I'm trying to do a thing with Natalie Walker. She said that in Chicago, the musical,

who played the original? B.B. Neuwirth. B.B. Neuwirth. That she had to call out, and they said she got a sparkle stuck in her throat or a feather. Something happened, and that's why Liza Minnelli filled in.

Wow. The question was, is it apocryphal happened And that's why Liza Minnelli Filled in Wow The question was Is it apocryphal Did they just need Liza To fill in To get some ticket sales But that it was like A sparkle or a feather Went in her throat

I also heard Len Carew And Sweeney Todd He had to be underground Some stuff Like underneath the dirt And inhaling the dirt Fucked up his vocal cords I bet

I mean I bet If you're inhaling dirt Why was he under dirt? Yeah. Because he's like, he comes out, attend the tale. What? I saw a video with the new guy doing,

and I hadn't seen him. Aaron Taviti? Is that how you say it? Tavate. Tavate? Taviti? Taviti? It's my guy, Aaron Taviti. They shoot him out of the thing. It looks like they throw him out. They cannonball his ass? That's what it looked like in the video. Maybe that's wrong.

It didn't feel like he popped for his entrance in the beginning. It looks like he shot out of the stage. Here's a character. It's you. You're shot out of it. I love Teviti. Here it is. Here's the character.

You're shot out of a cannon. You have to Here it is Okay here's the character You're shot out of a cannon You have to sing When you land You break both your ankles And you have to keep going Attend the Terrestrial Wow

I haven't seen the revival Have you? Sweeney Todd was one of those That I like When I first got A musical theater Like I got it from Amazon And I listened

And I read the libretto And I've heard it So many times That most of the songs, I feel that, some feeling it's a mix of boredom and dread that I have to hear it again. That's why I know I couldn't do a long show.

I get filled with this like, I can't, if I hear a song from the Lion King, it's a similar feeling. Yeah. You know? Into the Woods, similar. Some Sondheim though, it's fresh.

Merrily felt like my God. Oh, I loved it. Ily felt like oh I loved it I just saw it I loved it god it is the perfect any artist of any stripe

can watch it and go like oh fuck I'm one of these people and they all suck they all suck monsters

god I'm trying to think I have one more Broadway thing I want to talk about But I also feel like There are some people who are They're gonna be like

Bye They've already left They left like 25 minutes ago But you've done Broadway Bears Oh yeah So for those who don't know Broadway Bears They get all the Broadway performers

Who have eating disorders And they have them like Do a big sexy show Sexy Like burlesque Sexy show With a theme You've done it a lot probably a big sexy show. Sexy. Like burlesque-y show. With a theme.

You've done it a lot probably. Mm-hmm. Are there any years where you're like, I'm not in shape for Broadway Bears this year? I did, how many years? I think I've done

three, four Broadway Bears. It's a lot of stress. Yeah, it is. It's really fun. Honestly, it's like one of the nights where everybody comes together and it's just like, I'm sure is it's really fun honestly it's like one of the nights where everybody

comes together and it's just like I'm sure they do that's where you feel community yeah you know what I mean finger banging

one by one there must be some there's gotta be some fun parties after that one beyond the early days were really fun

when I was like in my 20s I was like this is wild and you just go out to the after party until like 4 or 5 o'clock in the morning. Everything.

Whatever you want. I don't even know what everything in Taylor was. We're like massages? Like shoulder rubs? Boobs out. Boobs out. Whatever you wanted was out. Whatever you want.

Where are the parties? It would switch. Be specific. But is everyone doing Broadway Bears? I mean, they're all, is it, it's not a very body-inclusive event, am I correct?

It is now. It is now? Unfortunately. Giving people what they want. It is now, of course. Wait, when did, was there a big reckoning with the Broadway Bears

where they said, guys? No, I mean, I just like, back in the day, everybody was just, you know,

a mess, being like, I have to get so, so snatched because I'm naked and I have to blah, blah, blah,

but I feel like now people are like, fuck it, here you go. I have tits and ass and I'm going to let you have it. This is why Broadway's failing. Bring that fear back.

I was in LA. I was taking this yoga class in LA. And I take yoga for a long time. And it was like really hard. It was like, I was like, I think I'm the worst. And I looked around. I was like, oh, everyone's, everyone here is gorgeous. It was like, I was like fully in an LA.

This was the hardest yoga class Fake tits everywhere I know how they were holding these poses I love it And it was just one of those moments Where I'm like Why would I enter this business And easier as a guy

For sure But I just look around at all these people I'm like all of them are working so hard. Yeah. Do you ever just want to let it go? Let your body go? Always. Just fuck it.

Bye. But I actually, I love it. I mean, it's more of like a mental thing for me too now. Like, I just love getting, like, going to the gym and being like, oh, I'm going to clear my mind. Trainer? Just do it on your own? No. My own.

Really? Yeah. I'm doing trainer. Connie had a parasite recently. What happened? You had a parasite? Yeah. I'm doing trainer. Connie had a parasite recently. What happened? You had a parasite? Yep. I was sober for about a week, and it was really good.

It was great. What is a parasite? A parasite is like a worm. We can cut that out. I don't care. You know how hard it is to cut? Stop volunteering cutting. You don't do any of the work.

When we cut, it is a fucking nightmare. I had to. You don't do any of the work. When we cut, it is a fucking nightmare. I had to pay Douglas to make a new song for cuts. Oh my God. Dear Christ. I saw a thing on Twitter recently. It was a bear

and there were these things coming out of it and it was worms. A parasite? Yeah. A parasite. Yeah, apparently I got it. Everyone's like,

did you eat ass? I was like, no, queen. I'm not doing that. They eat my ass. i gave them my parasite no the like you're magic eating ass you're like what's what's what's coming out it's a parasite so this bitch i was i saw wrestle was it your last show no it was uh where were we way after it was marla's birthday it was marla's birthday. So I had this parasite. It was actually terrible.

I woke up one day and I was like, whoa, why am I so pregnant where I can't button my pants? I was like, this is wild. I was like, what did I have last night? Nothing. Literally nothing. I was like, I don't understand this. And then it was really uncomfortable.

And I was like, what the fuck is this? So I went to the doctor and he was like, I think you have a parasite. And I was like... Right out the gate. Yeah. I was like what the fuck is this so I went to the doctor and he was like I think you have a parasite and I was like right out the gate yeah I was like what do you mean he's like he's like you have a parasite he's like did you eat ass did he was like no that's the term yes there's no term for eating ass like well because all the gays it's like it's like all the gays get parasites like Girardi yeah oh I know. How did he know? Did he like feel your belly or did he like listen to it? He just knew it. He was like, what?

He was like, is this what it looks like? Yeah. He's like, that's it. That's parasites. Wait, the doctor used the term, did you eat some ass? Yeah, I mean, we're close. We're friends. Oh, okay.

And he's also gay. So he was just like, babe. He says, babe. He's like, babe, did you eat ass? And I was like, no. He's not wearing his lab coat. He's shirtless and faggot.

Yeah, very doctor, very great patient. Anyway, so he was like, I think it's that. He's like, you're going to do this stool sample. And I was like, cool. Where do you want to do it?

In this bathroom? He goes, oh, no, baby. You have to go home, poop in a cup, scoop it out, and then put it in these little vials. And then bring it back down to me. I was like, so you want me to go to Harlem, poop in this cup, and then bring this down by 6 PM? I was like, what do you want me to just shit on the site?

He was like, yeah. I was like, well, that's never going to happen. He was like, so I'm going to do it tomorrow. So I had to literally take my bag of shit from my apartment. In vials, though? You had to put it in vials? In vials. How many vials? I'm sorry, we're going to fall.

Four. So you poop in a cup. You poop in this, like, plastic bin. Did you set it up in the bathroom just on top of the? You set it It literally goes on the toilet seat like this Did Marla help? Marla helped

She had no idea She's going to know now that I literally shit in a cup in the bathroom and then I had to take this little tiny spoon that comes with each vial Like a little coke spoon?

Like a coke spoon Like a coke spoon and just Russell's going to throw up and individually put it in little vials why four vials why not just one vial and they split it up at the lab no but here's they're really throwing off a lot of work on you yeah it's a lot of work these two are for us but also what do you do with the whole plastic shit can that you've just pooped in what do you have to do

with that oh wait they don't get that back no so you just what do you do so what do I what am I gonna

throw human feces in a garbage garbage can that's crazy that's what you do though you go to the street and do it

I should've but I was like I can't do that yeah could you imagine Marla

just like me tying up garbage? No, but not in your house. In my house. Go on the street. You're saying that you're just going outside going bloop. Into a public garbage can? Yeah. Oh, into a public garbage can.

You want me to just shit in a cup outside? No. With the tray. With the tray. Once you're done with it that you don't need. Put it in a plastic bag. Put it in a plastic bag and go outside and throw it into a public. That just seemed so crazy.

You know the thing that Tova brought the pasta in last night? I like dumped it out. I ate it. I put it in the toilet and then I had to like clean it. And then I was like, this is absolutely insane. You cleaned it in the toilet? Like that was a sink? And then I like had to clean it.

And then you threw it away. And then I threw it away. It was so disgusting. Oh my God. But then I found out I had to clean it. And then you threw it away. And then I threw it away. It was so disgusting. But then I found out I had a parasite and then they gave me all the medication to get rid of it. And then I went to Brazil so I probably got another one.

Don't use this bathroom again. Yeah, where is it? The medication kills the parasite. Yeah, medication kills you. To the left? The medication kills the parasite. Yeah, medication like kills you. And does it ever come out? Yeah, so I did what you told me to do. What do you tell him to do? You know what he told me to do?

Give me advice. So I saw Russ and I was like, I've been sober for a week. And he's like, congrats. And I was like, I have a parasite. He's like, awesome. And then he was like, do you know how you can get rid of it to see it, how it comes out? And I was like, congrats. And I was like, I have a parasite. He's like, awesome. And then he was like, do you know how you can get rid of it to see it, how it comes out? And I was like, no, what?

He's like, you take a bowl of pasta and you put butter in it. And then you sit over the bowl of pasta and then it pokes its head out. And I was like, I'm going to do that. And you know what? I did it. And it worked. I read that. I'm going to do that. And you know what? I did it. And it worked.

I read that. I heard about it. A bowl of pasta? Yeah, with butter. I don't think it was squatting over it, but I think it was. You could squat over it. You would open your mouth over the pasta and the butter pasta, and it would maybe crawl up your.

Wait, it come out of your mouth? Yeah, come up from your stomach. Where did you read this? I've heard it somewhere as a child. Yeah. That's how you want it to come out? Through the mouth? I mean, to get it out as quick as possible, you know?

Well, he said just, you know, squat over it. He wanted me to squat over it. I was like, okay. Don't get why pasta, this is like Garfield. Also, the parasite is, you can't even see it. It's non-existent.

It's so tiny. It is the tiniest thing. You can't see shit. And it lives, so this specific one that I had lives. It wasn't like a tapeworm. I think maybe I'm thinking of tapeworms. You're thinking of tapeworms.

There's nothing that comes out your mouth if you put pasta in front of it. Okay. There's nothing. I'm sure some Debbie Downsiders are going to look up, tell them tapeworms. That's what happens. Yeah, tapeworms.

Yeah. And then invite them to be on the show. Yeah. But eventually you did, in theory, poop it out. No, I think I killed it with this insane antiparasitic drug called Flagyl, which is the worst thing for you. It like ruins your

microbiome so don't ever take it um it makes you create mentally insane really yeah you felt crazy i felt crazy i was exhausted i felt crazy i was tired and then i was just like depressed i was like this is wild everyone's like oh yeah it's the side effects from this crazy anti-parasitic i was like okay and how do you think you got it if not eating ass? I mean, is this like the... It's from food. No, this one wasn't the eating ass one. This was a specific one that's in food,

soil, or contaminated water. And I was like, cool. What do we live in? Oh, third world country. I was like, how did I get this? But it's very common. This is amazing. I went to a doctor once. Not as exciting, but I had a rash here, and she was like, how did I get this? But it's very common. This is amazing. I went to a doctor once, not as exciting, but I had a rash here, and she was like, did you eat lime?

Did you eat something with a lime in it in the hot sun? And I was like, yes. And she was like, that's what it is. They notice a trend that's happening. Oh, my God. Like tacos? Like I had a frozen margarita, and in the heat,

the lime juice on your skin can have a specific kind of reaction. Wild. Yeah. Wow. Happy Cinco de Mayo. Yeah, happy Cinco. Ever get a rash? Ever get a rash?

Or a worm? No, no real rashes, no real worms. We should do a Patreon episode where we take that medication and see how it goes. I don't know. Oh, it's the worst.

Don't do it. Honestly, don't do it. I hope nobody gets a parasite because it sucks. It was the most uncomfortable, worst experience ever. And then your shits are not normal

for like months after because it's ruined everything in your system. Not normal how? I'm not going to tell you. I'm going to show you. Hey, can you get a bowl of pasta? Let's go on to our next segment.

This has got to stop. This has got to stop. This has got to stop. Ooh, get some harmony. This has got to stop. This is where we talk big, specific personal grand whatever so it's gotta stop and we have been uh we had some good ones recently yeah um uh i got one do you got one oh is yours related to last night commercials yeah okay let's do a double discuss yeah what

celebrities in commercials now not all celebrities and you can disagree with me here, Mr. T, great. Let Mr. T have a commercial. You're not doing anything else. Someone goes, P, Skechers, great. But if you are a fucking working actor in TV and movies and making millions and millions of dollars, get the fuck out of the commercial. We know what you're doing.

We know that you can tell that society is collapsing And you need as much money as you can get So you can build a big bunker And you go like well I have enough for a small bunker But I want Beyonce to come over So let me fucking do This stupid dumb commercial Jeff Goldblum

If it's not you it's me So get the fuck out of these commercials You know three commercials Jeff Goldblum. Harvest.com, Holmes.com, whatever the third fucking thing was. Also, the progression of, we used to tune in for the commercials because they used to be funny.

And then they were just like funny commercials that we didn't care who was in it. It was like, what are the funny commercials going to be in the Super Bowl when we were growing up, up? Somewhere along the way, celebrities started going into the funny commercials. And that was exciting for people. Oh, we'll put this person in a funny commercial. Or, ooh, we'll reunite these two former stars. Or the sequel. What Danny DeVito said.

What's up? Sure. But then, along the way, we have lost. They're no longer funny anymore. Not funny. It's just celebrities in bad commercials. They're like, oh, what's the second beat of this sketch? Arnold Schwarzenegger. What's the third beat? Christopher Walken.

Why are we watching this? What are you, Saturday Night Live? Get fucking on. What are we, what are we, like, it's so frustrating because they're used, I think we need to go back to only film actors. They only did film. They would never. They would never.

They would never do a commercial. They would never step down and do TV. You'd go to China and you'd do a car commercial and no one ever sees it. That's maybe. And that's because you didn't pay your taxes when you were fucked. Meryl Streep's doing Hulu? Hulu, Meryl? No, no.

It's hard and dumb streets, babe. And they've all, I think this year, I feel like it's always been, it's been a creeping problem. This year, it felt like every fucking commercial agency, none of them were talking to each other,

every commercial was like this. Four, five celebrities per commercial. That's why my commercial agency just closed. them were talking to each other. Every commercial was like this. Four, five celebrities per commercial. That's why my commercial agency just closed. Oh, by the way. By the way. We gotta talk about that. This is why they closed. We saw him. It was the same night. We saw him. It was the same night and we

had no idea. Had no idea. He literally went out with us. Okay. Okay. So, Russell. Well, we don't have to say what it is or who it was. You can say the agency had closed. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, Russell. Well, we don't have to say what it is or who it was. You can say the agency. It's closed. Okay. Yeah,

yeah. An agency that we're with. An agency that I'm with for commercials and Connie is with through writing and things. We, I did a fun little reading with Connie Marla Tai last week.

And so he was there. I know him through the same agency. And we talked to him. And then an hour later... An hour later, he was like... We grabbed a drink. He was like, yeah. He's like, actually, I just have to run back to the office. I've been getting a lot of emails. And they're like, please come to the office. He's like, okay.

Goes to the office. And what happens? The entire agency crumbles within seconds. Sold out from underneath. Hope you're happy, Jeff Goldblum. I hope you're happy. You got a new apartment.com.

It was the old agencies where A3 was at. What the fuck? What the fuck, Jeff? A3. I was with A3 too. I've not heard anything. I've not heard anything. I have no clue.

They don't even write you. They don't even write you. I used to. I worked with them with Goldblum, who left, thank God. Oh, by the way, Goldblum, who is Jeff's fucking cousin. I feel like. You tell Jeff. I feel like I was with her.

I was with her. In LA. You know why she liked me? Because I look like her cousin. That's why she worked with me. She worked with me because I look like her cousin. And now her cousin is taking all the work. We don't even need agencies. They just need Jeff Goldblum.

People handle Jeff Goldblum's business. Is Jeff free that day? No. Yes, tomorrow. But it's bad. But ultimately, look, if it was good, but it's like the commercials, they've also like... Because they don't have to be good. They just want people

to be like, oh my god, that person. That's all they want. That's all they're doing. That's all they're doing. And there's a thing of when it's older, again, Mr. T, and you know what? I'll even give you an older Christopher Walken, someone who's there, but they really

have changed it. We're right as who's Abbott Elementary? Quinta Bronson. Where it's like, right when they're at their coolest, they're at their most creative, they're making their most stuff, and it's like,

they're taking them right in that moment. And it just becomes part of the package of, oh, you've now become famous enough that you can be the spokesman for this company. And it's sad. Yeah, it's sad. And I don't know, I really do believe it's,

you know, some people do this thing of like, oh, well, it's because TV, actors aren't getting paid enough. And I'm like, that's not the level of actor we're talking about. All these actors are getting paid plenty. And they're getting paid well. I remember Sidney Sweeney said some shit

about like she couldn't afford her home. And I said, shut the fuck out of here, Sidney Sweeney. Get out of here. Sidney Sweeney. Get out of here. No, you're right. I live with Marla Mandela. You're not going to say anything about Sidney Sweeney?

Cause Sidney Sweeney and SNL, you're hoping both of those things happen maybe at the end of the road. Okay. At the end of the day, you're another day older. Um, uh, yeah. So, but ultimately if it's not funny, it's not funny. And it's, it's too much. At the end of the day, you're another day older. Yeah.

But ultimately, if it's not funny, it's not funny. And it's too much. And it's just not going to go viral. They were bad last night. And hopefully they learned that you just... So that was good. That was a joint. That's a good one. This has really got to stop, what two of us say.

Yeah, I was like, ooh. I was like, I'm just going to watch. Can't get a word in. Who's the guest here? Me or you? That's a lot of the comments we get on episodes. Do you have a this has gotta stop? Yeah, you guys shut the fuck up.

Sorry? Do you have a this has gotta stop? Yeah, I do. You know what's gotta stop? Straight girls coming up to gay guys being like oh my god let me guess you're gay at a bar and i'm like yeah she's like of course you are of course you are why are you guys all why are you guys why is everybody so hot like why can't we just get one just give us one actually i have a gay friend can i introduce you and it's a fucking troll from under a bridge. And I'm like, and I'm like, hey girl,

I'm sorry. Was it all about the introducing? It's all about, it's the same. Every straight girl is always like, ah,

let me guess. You're gay. Are you gay or straight? And I was like, what do you think? She's like, you're clearly gay because you're just too hot.

And I was like, get out of here. And then she's like, of course, we can't get anything. I was like, oh, of here. And then she's like, of course. We can't get anything. I was like, oh, you can't get anything? Straight girl? Just shut the fuck up. And then she goes, I actually have a gay friend. I think you would really like him. And they show me a picture

of Schmeagle. And I'm like, you actually, I'm sorry. You want me to date this garbage thing from under a bridge that I don't even know because you were just like, you're gay. Yeah.

That's got to stop. When they say, let me guess, you're gay, you should start saying. Let me guess. You should just start telling them how many females you finger blasted. Yeah. When they say, let me guess, you're gay, be like, actually, I finger blasted. No, because then it's opening up a can of worms.

And I'm not finger blasting you, though. That's a rough way to describe finger blasting. Opening a can of worms. Parasites. Yeah, that's kind of sad. I didn't know that was a common... I didn't know that still happened. It feels like an old thing. It literally just happened to me.

Really? Yeah, I was like, get out of here. It's the number one thing is the worst. It's like a straight girl clearly looks at you and she's like, I know gay people and I'm going to introduce you. And then they show you a picture of one more thing. From Chunk. From the Goonies.

They show a picture of Frankie Grande and I'm like, I'm good. Drag him. For you, Frankles. Yeah. Yeah, I guess do you think that's specific to New York? Do you think it's women in New York who go like,

I cannot seem to find any guy? Always. Yeah. Always. It's crazy. But, hey. Do they come to gay bars?

Do they come to gay bars too? They're just doing this to everybody. They're doing it to everybody. Let me guess. Let me guess. You're gay. Let me guess. You're gay.

In Hell's Kitchen. This is wild. At the Cocksuck Bar. Yeah. At the Eagle. Are, at the Eagle. Are we at the Eagle? I did a show at the Eagle,

but there went in LA. Is there one in LA called the Eagle too? Yeah. Yeah. And there was like... You did a show there? Yeah, they did a show there.

Where? Yeah, there was a show. I mean, they had a bar area and on all the TVs, there's the hardcore gay pornography. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was distracting to watch myself

while I performed. Were people watching? They were watching. You missed a great joke. God, you son of a bitch. I'm sorry. I asked a question. Son of a bitch.

Yeah, they were watching. I mean, you get used to the... It becomes background eventually if we play gay porn long enough. No, but I meant like the people at the bar, were they watching? Like, were they enjoying... Were they watching you? I don't know if they were enjoying it. get used to it. It becomes background eventually. No, but I meant like the people at the bar, were they watching? Were they watching you? I don't know if they were enjoying it.

They were watching you. They were witnessing it. I thought when they said, I guess in my mind when I hear gay porn, I was like, oh, it's like softcore porn. No, it's full porn. It was full. Yeah. Well, the Eagles also.

There's no bar. Can you imagine a straight? It's nasty? Oh, the Eagles like leather bar nasty. Like you're going to go there and get like fisted. Right, Russell? Right. Yeah, man.

Awesome. Yeah, cool, man. Wow. Let's go on to our. Wait, let me just give a video. What's your this? Let me do it to you. What's your this has got to stop

great that was just for editing purposes final segment I'm trying to sometimes I need to do that I think what I need to do at the end of episodes

is just to like is just to do a what do you call them like takes yeah yeah yeah just be like what's your this

has got to stop you better count your blessing you better count your blessing we had a good negative episode uh uh russell do something you think yeah my i'm thankful for my my gay super michael oh to save your life who saved your life for saving my life yesterday. Oh, that's great. Really the only person in that building who listened and reacted. And I'm thankful for him.

And what was it ultimately? You found out. Yeah, he said a tiny piece of glass the size of a fingernail was like, got in the crack and like completely screwed up the whole thing it's just sort of you're amazed that people don't die more often you know that's all it took to to completely take down a whole elevator system wow yeah because you also said that they just tested the phone and

it worked and i was like well from my experience let me share that with you like what is that like well you know he's like gaslighting me tell meing me. Telling me that I didn't push the button right. He's like, pick up the phone and put it up to your ear. My blessing. I got so many blessings. I've been gone for three weeks. I was on the West Coast. I have lots of blessings.

Welcome to New York. Welcome to New York. What is that? Taylor Swift. That's Taylor Swift? She's been waiting for you. Is that Titanic? No, it's actually Taylor Swift.

Taylor Swift. Not like that, though. Welcome to New York. I bet you I'm in the right key. Hold on. Probably, but also she can choke. Oh. Sorry.

Let's go there. Why? Nobody snubs Celine fucking Dion at the Grammys. Okay? Okay. Period. End of story. Do not snub my queen, Celine Dion.

Let's get the podcast removed from the internet. I sometimes have perfect Yeah, that was really good. Do you know what sometimes perfect pitch is called? It's not called perfect. There's a word for it.

You know, what is it? That's like, that's literally like Anchorman, like 60% of the time. I'm right 100% of the time. I think that's impressive

that I was there and be like, welcome to New York. And that was right. That was good. percent of the time i'm right a hundred percent of the time i think that that's impressive that i was there and be like welcome to new york and that was right that was good it's not that hard give me any song give me any song and i'll get the right pitch okay metal lark um uh okay i can do it i'm just trying to lower it now make it sing for me when the da, da, da. And with never good at ear training, but I can do that. That's incredible. Also, that was beautiful. I don't know this song. Thank you.

Good job, baby girl. This is when like Patty... Well, we both had pretty good pitch. We do. Yeah, my turn. What's... Oh, wait, but Patty, you got to listen to that. Patty Lupin, that was like before...

That was incredible. Listen, I want Patty to be on this, but like it was before I think when she was still taking notes. And it is incredible. Her in that show, I mean, her voice is just. Butter. It's crazy. What show?

The Baker's Wife. I used to do. Talk about me pretending to be straight was me singing Proud Lady. And I'm singing,, Proud Lady. Also correct pitch. And it's just like chest is out. And I'm so not that at all. I'm the baker.

I'm like, well, you fucked my wife. I'll take you back. That's me. Wait, is that in the woods or this? That's not in the woods. Baker's wife. There's a baker and... It the Baker. Baker's wife. It's incredible. It's heartbreaking

because he has this young wife and she's beautiful and then she fucks like Gaston and then they get back together. It's so beautiful.

His song, Oh When She Leaves, what a great show. The book must not work. I don't think the book works but I remember seeing Alice Ripley do it at Paper Mill

and I was like, oh. WTF is happening right now because the accent was wild. Oh, is there an accent? There's an accent. I think she was like... Irish or something? No, I think she's Italian. Was she good? Oh, man.

Incredible. Alice. It was incredible. I was dead. Is Alice Ripley the one that was in... Extra Normal. Yeah. What was that offensive caricature of mental illness?

That was truly... I think that's the worst thing you've ever done. No, it was... Yeah, okay. I take it back. Can I... I'll ask a question off the podcast. Okay. Remember this

Conversation Okay Taylor Swift Were you really bothered By that Yes Do you think Never was a fan of her

I can give her that She's a great songwriter I will give you that You're a great business woman You've bamboozled the world I do not know How you know that Because everybody's

A basic ass bitch And she's a basic ass bitch So they're like I can relate to her She's basic I think that that's A pretty it on that. Because everybody's a basic-ass bitch, and she's a basic-ass bitch. I can relate to her. She's basic. I think that that's a pretty accurate thing. And that's the accurate thing. Because Beyonce, I'm sorry, is a... You can't relate.

You can't relate. Yeah. That talent to Taylor Swift, get out of here, stupid ass. Listen, I have to be the counterweight here before we go too far. I have more problems with the Jets and the centralization of power, but very talented, a good actor. Who?

Taylor Swift. Not an actor, not an actor. Don't get me wrong. Don't get me wrong. Did you see Cats? Actor of songs. A good musical, I don't know what the fuck you guys call it. An interpreter. Okay. And a decent enough singer to do those things. Fine. songs, a good musical I don't know what the fuck you guys call it an interpreter

and a decent enough singer to do those things. Fine. Not even, yeah, the vocals are trash. Interesting story. Every time I'm not a big Taylor Swift fan and every time I hear the story of what the lyrics are, I'm like that's a brilliant story. I will give her songwriting. I think she's a genius songwriter

and she can get a hook and she can write a mean song. I love that for her. But you are not anywhere remotely close to Beyonce or... She's never claimed to be. I don't care. But then also you... Don't snub Celine Dion at the Grammys. Do you think it was purpose?

Not purposeful. Do you think she doesn't respect or maybe they had like... Maybe one day she said, Celine, I'm a big fan. And Celine's like get the fuck out of my way. I think she just didn't recognize. I i think no i i to be honest i think there was probably a lot going on but also it's like girl you you won this fucking award every year yeah get out of here you hugged everybody on stage selene dion came out after everybody not being there for like four years she's made never made a appearance because she has the stiff person syndrome. It's like, get it together. You can't just be like,

oh my god, I've never won album of the year before. This is crazy. And you don't even look at her. Get out of here. You moron. Wow. Sing for me. I think my only thing, my thing is,

yes, very talented. Does the work. She shows up. Oh, she does the work. I'm not saying does the work in any sort of political. I'm saying, like, literally she just is working all the time. But I think it just, the music doesn't stick with me. Like, even when I listen to, like, some of the stuff that would be more up my alley, which is the folklore, the evermore,

I listen and I'm like, that's really pretty. And then maybe I try to listen again and I don't want to return to it. It doesn't stick with me. It feels like it's kind of there and then gone for me. It's not like

the tunes aren't where i'm like yeah i want to listen to this you know but i've always i think i'm always listening and it's like it's pretty and it's good and i it's you know there's good things happening it just doesn't really catch my yeah you hear that tara swift try appealing to more men in their late 30s, okay? Yeah. My brother's a super fan of Tara Swift. I get it. Really? Super fan. Yeah, people are super fans.

Did you hear that her press team, I guess, the rumor was they realized very quickly that the Celine Dion thing did not look good. Oh, yeah, of course. And so they got a shot of her with Celine. Of course, right. Literally seconds after. Celine probably tried to get away, but she can't. And then Taylor was like,

I'm just going to hug you for a picture. It just seemed all so calculated after. And I was like, you know you fucked up. I feel like someone must have been rude to someone in the past. Like my theory, I guess,

was it felt rude. It felt strange. It just felt strange. And it made me wonder like, did they ever have a bad interaction in the past? And who knows? I don't know if Celine's the nicest to young, up-and-coming people. Maybe she was rude to her once.

But she just came out after the thing. You're not going to do what you're not going to do in this podcast. You're not going to. Yeah, you're not going to. In front of my friend. In front of me. Talk about who's number one Celine Dion fan. Okay? That's what you're not going to do. Kick you out of this apartment.

So normally this part we say something we're thankful for. Do you have anything you're thankful for? What am I thankful for? Specific person, nice gesture. You know what I'm thankful for? Chris Maloney. Really? Because he just gets better looking with age.

You know, I've been watching SVU. He looks so hot on SVU. There was another scene I was like, Jesus Christ. He's got anger issues. I don't care. He's gonna slap you around. He could slap me around. 65. Whatever. He's 65. Or like 63. He's got anger issues. I don't care. He's going to slap you around. He could slap me around. 65. Whatever.

He's 65. Or like 63. He's got. 72. Never look better. Stunning. I'm thankful for him. Were you in Titanic when he came? He came?

He came, yeah. Come on. I was in it. Jesus Christ. It was after you left. I left. Yeah. He's got a butt. He's got everything. He's got like a fat ass though. Yeah, he could in it. Jesus Christ. It was after you left. I left. Yeah. He's got a butt.

He's got everything. He's got like a fat ass though. Yeah, he could get it. How old is he? Let's look it up. I don't think he's 60. Right. What?

He's what? 62. 62. See? I was close. 62. I can still get it. Yeah, I'm thankful for him.

And you know, so I've been rewatching. I didn't watch all, so I've been just putting it on, like on live TV, and he's always like, and he and what's her name, they're always like, always maybe about to like,

feels like it could happen any minute. But also, it wouldn't happen. They're best friends, I think. Yeah, I don't know. It's a show about sex crimes,

yeah? It's about sex crimes, but it's very horny. The whole show is very like, I think. Yeah. I don't know. It's a show about sex crimes, yeah? It's about sex crimes, but it's very horny. The whole show is very horny. I feel like, especially when the two of them are like... They're reading over the victim's cases. Well, the other day,

she got slashed in the throat, and he goes to help her, and then a little girl gets shot in the head because he's saving her, and he's like, I care too much about you! And they can't be partners anymore because they care too much about each other, and they're like, fuck. And he's like, I care too much about you! And they can't be partners anymore because they care too much about each other and they might just

fuck. Wow. Yeah. See, that should be the commercial for us for you. Yeah. Just, fuck so bad. So yeah. They want to get into it.

I think reality what happened, I think she might have been So, yeah. They want to get into it. Yeah. I think reality what happened, I think she might have been having a baby. So they had to write into the story that they weren't really partners for a small amount of time while she had a baby. Well, this has been, again, if you're a fan of the show, join the Patreon, patreon.com slash downside.

Chris Maloney, come do the show. Taylor Swift, come do the show. And I'll delete this episode Immediately Yeah Never speak to Constance again Never again

If you come on For 10 seconds See ya Anything that you want to plug This coming out February 27th Where do you want people To find you

Or follow you Or you're not Or you're the show What do you want Yeah just Go see Titanic Starring Russell Daniels February 20th.

You think you're going to get it tomorrow? I mean, sales are going good? Sales are going good. Do you think now that this announcement has hit the streets... I think we're going to extend again. Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew. People are going crazy. They're going nuts.

They are, though. There's buzz about Russell. The ticket price probably crashed. I'm pushing it. You got a lot of comments today. Oh, that's good. Did you? We have podcast listeners. They come see them of comments today. Oh, that's good. Did you? I've been here.

We have podcast listeners. They come see them. They have. They've been really supportive. Oh, that's so sweet. And the Titanic people. Oh, my God. They've been so lovely.

Yeah, we love you. When I encounter. Well, I meant like the fans. Oh, okay. Cool. Yeah. But no, I love you too. I love you too.

But like the fan, like they're, you really like for a show that fits like under 300 people a night. Yeah. It's crazy the amount of comments yeah the thai stannings yeah we call them is there what's what's next for the show other than this than this run is there anything global domination baby domination yeah apparently you know we're a bunch of stuff's popping up we're doing maybe london there's an australia. There's a Canada talk. Wow. Wow.

I'm ready to be Lin-Manuel Miranda and say, see ya. I'm going to be on a yacht. That probably won't happen anytime soon. But a gal can dream. So is that what you want to plug? Yeah, well, follow me on Instagram at Russell J. Daniels. And then, yeah, I'm in Titanic starting tomorrow through April 21st.

And just so you know, there's a day, a week, where I'll be doing shrooms with John Marco in L.A. Oh, man. So March 13th through the 18th, I will not be in Titanic. Oh man So March 13th Through the 18th I will not be in Titanic But But March 14th

We will be doing A live podcast taping In Los Angeles In LA 7.30 2.9 Megan Gailey Very good guest

And I'm just gonna risk it And say it We're gonna be Do it Doing the Netflix Is a joke festival We're very excited

And this is gonna be May 5th At the Comedy Store The Comedy Store And not the Belly Room The original room The original Comedy Store I mean the number

The things that have happened in that room That are crimes Yeah And we're going to add one more to the list So get ready LA You have to all come to two shows Yeah be there Link for everything in bio

This is The Downside 1, 2, 3 Downside Downside You're listening to The Downside The Downside With Gianmarco Ceresi