The Downside with Gianmarco Soresi - #196 Whales Can Be Twinks with Vinny Thomas

Episode Date: March 26, 2024

Comedian and actor Vinny Thomas joins to share the downsides of capital punishment, why the guards are the most interesting part about the Royal Family, why snakes make good pets, how animals are bangin’ for pleasure (and displeasure), and why there are definitely lesbian lizards and gay whales out there. Thank you to our gracious hosts at Spotify Studios, where this episode was recorded! You can watch full video of this episode HERE! Join the Patreon for ad-free episodes, exclusive content, and MORE. Follow Vinny on Instagram, Twitter, & TikTok Watch Vinny in Platonic on Apple TV+: https://tv.apple.com/us/show/platonic/umc.cmc.y7bc18x7co813l8i2tlsyb4l Follow The Downside with Gianmarco Soresi on Instagram Get tickets to our live podcast recording in NYC on May 13 https://www.showclix.com/event/the-downside-w-gianmarco-soresi OR come to our live podcast recording in LA at Netflix is a Joke Fest on May 3! https://thecomedystore.com/the-downside-with-gianmarco-soresi/ Follow Gianmarco Soresi on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, & YouTube Subscribe to Gianmarco Soresi's email & texting lists Check out Gianmarco Soresi's bi-monthly show in NYC Get tickets to see Gianmarco Soresi in a city near you Watch Gianmarco Soresi's special "Shelf Life" on Amazon Follow Russell Daniels on Twitter & Instagram E-mail the show at [e-mail] Produced by Paige Asachika & Gianmarco Soresi Video edited by Dave Columbo Technical production by Chris Mueller Special Thanks Tovah Silbermann Original music by Douglas Goodhart Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Kick off an exciting football season with BetMGM, an official sportsbook partner of the National Football League. Yard after yard, down after down, the sportsbook born in Vegas gives you the chance to take action to the end zone and celebrate every highlight reel play. And as an official sportsbook partner of the NFL, BetMGM is the best place to fuel your football fandom on every game day. With a variety of exciting features, BetMGM offers you plenty of seamless ways to jump straight onto the gridiron and to embrace peak sports action. Ready for another season of gridiron glory? What are you waiting for? Get off the bench, into the huddle, and head for the end zone all season long.

Visit BetMGM.com for terms and conditions. Must be 19 years of age or older. Ontario only. Please gamble responsibly. Gambling problem? For free assistance, call the Conax Ontario helpline at 1-866-531-2600. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. Welcome to the downside. My name is Marcus Oresi. I'm here with my co-host Welcome to The Downside. My name is Marcus Oresi. I'm here with my co-host, Russell J. Daniels. How are you doing? Good. I don't know where to look. It feels like if I look at you, I'm really cutting myself off. Don't look at the screen. We should have asked them to turn the screen off.

You're going to look the whole time. Straight down the barrel, right? We're here at Spotify Studios. Thank you, Spotify. Thank you, Spotify. For the space. If you were to guess, Paige, you know the numbers of this podcast. How much money have we made Spotify in the course of 200 episodes? Not a lot. Not a lot. Not a lot.

I think by eating, by drinking this Diet Coke, they are operating at a loss right now. We are here. Our producer, Paige Asachika, who just moved to O.T. Literally last night. Just got in. Super excited. But it's bittersweet, you know, leaving New York City. So, but yeah, I'm back home.

Mostly bitter or mostly sweet, do you think? Probably bitter. Yeah? home mostly bitter or mostly sweet do you think probably bitter yeah i mean do you feel like you're moving like you wanted to move or you're like you have to do this for your relationship well i mean kind of both i would say it was my time was probably cut a little bit short um in new york i think i probably could have lived there for another couple years but you know if you came if you went home tonight and he said hey we're breaking up are you going back to new york or are you going like fuck i can't who knows i'm already here i mean i already had a going away party yeah i already had a going away party it was a funeral

theme i am dead in new york city yeah oh no it's not a joke really a funeral thing a funeral theme going away party yeah yeah i made a brochure and everything it was like um i wrote my obituary i wrote where's the obituary where is it we didn't see it honestly i gave it at the end i'm so sad i don't even have one anymore like i gave them all away it blacked out oh really yeah what did you do for your party because i saw you sunday yeah and it didn't feel like you were leaving because i knew i was gonna see you here on wednesday so it doesn't really feel like you left but um we did karaoke and it was fun i always get super drunk at karaoke because it's the place we go to is byob so oh wow you know it just it just happens yeah what were you singing um i did since it was a funeral theme i sang i write

since not tragedies and we did did Welcome to the Black Parade. You know, all the emo classics. Were you singing that? You were singing? I mean, we were all kind of singing, but I definitely sang I Write Sins Not Tragedies. Wow. That's beautiful. Yeah.

Vinny, what's your go-to karaoke? For a funeral or just in general? Both. Let's do both. My go-to karaoke, here's or just in general both let's do both my go-to karaoke uh here's what i want it to be it's not this but i want it to be like a johnny cash on the one where he's really sad i want to hurt by johnny cash yeah originally by nine inch nails originally by nine inch nails yeah originally by nine inch nails yeah it's covered by johnny cash yeah i didn't

know the timelines worked out like that yeah i mean he was very old try to catch it still alive no he's dead now but yeah he was old but he covered it yeah yeah can you get those low notes you got those he's like here is a ring of fire good thing about it is he's so old it's not like there's no skill that it's just like I hurt myself yeah to see. Is that going to kill the karaoke vibe? No, I think people would be brought to tears in a really beautiful way. They'd like tip their. That's a good one. In my head, they'd tip their hats.

Yeah. Like country hats. I'm such a hack with karaoke. I'm just doing Piano Man and Lose Yourself. It is the most hack, corny. Lose Yourself. That doesn't even make sense for you. I just like it.

Yeah. We all have our standbys. I do Before He Cheats by Carrie Underwood sometimes. That's a good one. And you sing it at the same key? I don't know. I do a bad job. I feel like assuming that I sing with the right key at all or even attempt to is really, really bull.

It's always embarrassing. When I backpacked in Europe, I was like 21. Yeah full it was embarrassing when i when i backpacked in europe i was like 21 yeah it is embarrassing and i know and you know i was just just trying to just trying to hook up and you'll meet people like on the trail no like i go to hostels oh yeah and like my i'm not i'm not good at flirting my move was fine when the karaoke night is, sing the shit out of Piano Man, and, you know, impress one or two people, maybe. Maybe some.

Or they'd kiss me so I'd stop. Older divorcees. Older divorcees in the hostel. And of course, it's the man who got kicked out of the house. Yeah. Yeah. That other voice you're hearing

is a writer, performer, comedian. Comedian. Yeah. Vinnie Thomas. Yeah, that's me. Welcome to the downside. Hey, thank you guys so much. We'll get to you in a second.

I have a moral quandary, and I want you to know no matter what we decide on this, I'm not going to change my mind. Okay. So we're going to Joshua Tree, me, Russell, two other guys. We're doing shrooms. I've done shrooms before. Russell has not.

The way you said two other guys makes it sound like two random men. Two guys. Two guys. The thing is, you guys go do shrooms together in Joshua Tree, you'll arrive random men. You will leave brothers. Yes. Okay. So I needed a sweater sweater i didn't bring a

sweater it's a little chillier so i went to a vintage store after my hip-hop class oh my god it was uh jesus christ yeah so much um so uh so this store i walk in it's it's cool it's hip there it's it's like it's like as as if Kanye West might own the vintage store. There's so much Kanye stuff there. American Rag. Is that his company? No, no, no. What is it?

The store. Is that near Playground? The dance studio? Okay, we have to stop. What studio do you go to? What studio do you do your hip-hop dance? I'm out of my depth. I'm out of my depth.

This is like Kanye, Kanye, Kanye. And so I'm looking around. They have some cool vintage stuff. And I look at the sweaters. And there's this sweater. And it says PlayStation. I have it here. It's the old PlayStation logo.

Oh, you purchased it. Well, yes. That's why I say the moral conundrum is over. So I get this sweater. And I'm like, I'm about to check out. And I'm in a rush. I'm about to go to a show. I'm late.

All these things. And I see the sweater. And I'm like, it's cool. It looks like whatever. And then I see this thing. And I see the sweater, and I'm like, it's cool. It looks like whatever. And then I see this thing, and it says Cactus Jack. And I go, Cactus Jack, something rings a bell. There was some alarm deep in the distance. And I don't know why.

I don't know what Cactus Jack is. So I say to the guy, and it says it big on the back too, Cactus Jack. And I say to the guy, oh, God, you bought that? And it says it big on the back too, Cactus Jack. Oh my God, you bought that? And I say to the guy, I say, Cactus Jack, what is, who is Cactus Jack? He's like a designer. And he goes, oh, it's Travis Scott's clothing brand.

And I go, who is Travis Scott again? I know that's a familiar name. Do you know? He's the guy who did the, had the thing. The guy who audience members died at Astroworld. And he also is like not, that wasn't like one slight moral hiccup. Like he's a little rough around the edges. He's on the fence.

Yeah. And so, and I really had to go and I needed the sweater. And I liked it. And I said to him, I said, you didn't get this directly from travis scott like you got this vintage style so me paying for it the money's not going to travis scott directly and he said and i said okay see i bought it i don't think that that's bad i think that thank you that it kind of sucks that it has that on it. Like it would just be. I think aesthetically.

A cooler shirt. Yeah. Aesthetically. That's what it looks bad. If it just said PlayStation. And also Cactus Jack. I wish it was the name of some folksy local. You know what I mean?

Yeah. Who like. Like Johnny Appleseed. But in the desert. And all he does is plant cactus. Also. Why is it on two things? I don't know.

It's crazy. If it was just that little one. It would be so bad. Honestly. This is more about the morality. Than the actual design of the thing that I love. I'm saying I have a problem with – I don't have a problem with morality. I have a problem with the design. It's ugly.

And I wonder – On the back there? That was probably very expensive because that strikes me as somewhere, I don't know, on Melrose or something. It's bumpy. I love when shirts have, like, texture. Baby girl, it looks like stains. It looks like stains. No. It looks like stains stains i think it's beautiful there's one bump for each person that died at the concert what if in braille it's all like racial slurs or something oh my god we don't know what it says

that'd be amazing someone's just rubbing my back and they go what the fuck okay well i mean even if you didn't pay travis scott directly for that sweatshirt yeah by wearing it you're still like repping him so like let's say if you bought kanye merch from the same store um like you would still be like representing like an extension of that person sure but if it said anna banana and that was kanye's clothing brand but not everyone knows everyone knows cactus jack i think so a lot of people i didn't know i didn't know i think a lot of people know but people like who know like travis scott know people who are fans yeah so the people who are fans will go cool won't fucking know yeah it's true. This is The Downside. One, two, three.

Downside. Downside. You're listening to The Downside. The Downside. With John Marks. Wait, your mic's not on. My mic's not on? No, I don't hear him.

Do you hear him? Yeah. I hear. I don't hear you. Russell's had some notes from the Spotify studios. Now I hear it. I know I hear you. Yeah. I hear... I don't hear you. Russell has some notes from the Spotify studios. Now I hear it. I know I hear you. Yeah.

Okay. It cut out. Oh, maybe because of that. Maybe. Okay. That's good to know. Okay. Well, great.

We'll figure it out. Let's just talk. Vinny. Thank you for being here. You're familiar with Vinny's work. Yeah. Twitter. I was talking to Russell about,

I thought I'd do, it's hard to do any comedic bit about stuff that's on the internet. Yeah. But there's like 10 just horrifying sad videos that keep popping up on my newsfeed. And the one that I cannot get away from,

it's some guy in some country eating his last meal before being executed so it's just it's just him like like picking up rice but his hands are shaking oh god his last meal and he chose rice i know it's not a great meal wow it's not a good meal i just watched a documentary about um texas and uh they're just texas well no really feels like you made this up I just watched a documentary about Texas. Just Texas? Well, no. It really feels like you made this up. No, it's on HBO Max.

And it's like three different directors that are from Texas each do something different about the state. So he's a famous director. He did Boyhood. What's his name? Linklater. Linklater. director he did boyhood uh what's his name link later yeah he so his section is about his hometown and how he uh came from a place that has like all this prison like the whole town is either in prison or works for the prison and this sort of thing so they're interviewing this guy who worked for like 17 years on death row and would like he his job was to sit the last day of the person's life with the with the

person who's going to die and just like sit with them and like if they needed something or blah blah and then he would walk them to the room to be executed and then had to hold down one of their legs and because they had oh my god like so so that was his job they didn't have they hadn't invented straps and he did it well they're all strapped in, but like for whatever reason, it's like they had a, each person was, had to have a body part. Yeah. So, um, but so he did it for 17 years. He believed in the death penalty when he started and he was like, very like, you know, but

then he just like had a mental break one day when this, he was – it was a woman who was going to be executed. Fair. And she – like they were waiting and she asked him how his day was going. And he was like – he like couldn't handle it. He was like – he was like got so upset and suddenly realized that this is horrible, what we're doing here. And he quit. And it it was like he's like completely against it now oh my god but it was when i'm gonna get mugged at gunpoint and i'm just gonna be like how are you doing though i know yeah but maybe i told that story wrong but

i think it's right and also um uh what's the what's the other way he became more pro like none of your goddamn business but it's crazy imagine sitting with a person all day long knowing they're gonna die like that is up you know what i mean crazy i'm different i would feel like i would feel like i was so much better and stronger i don't know i'd feel like i had a superpower or something Like I had a superpower or something. A pro capital punishment, I assume? No, no. Are you pro?

No. Wait, I just heard this crazy story about how Oklahoma has been sued so many times because they're so incompetent at executing people. They're so famously bad at it. People don't die initially. They'll give them the wrong drugs on accident. initially and then they have to like they'll give them like the wrong drugs on accident well there's some drug that they were uh using for a while but the company doesn't want to give it to them because they don't want to be they want to use it for nyQuil they want to be known as like nyQuil drug not the killing people drug yeah and so there was some person i think recently he was killed again but the first time you know he was couldn't breathe for four hours and then they had

to postpone it and like like, for some reason, it's very hard to do it quickly and painlessly. I don't, would you rather? You wanted to talk about this so bad. You were begging to talk about it. Would you, I guess, first of all, I don't believe in capital punishment. If you put a gun to my head and say,

you got to do it, I go probably shooting. You got to do it? Oh, you got to get killed. I'm saying these injections seem like it's a torturous thing. Why not? I think it's a choose your own adventure. You get to choose your last meal. You should get to choose how you get to die.

That's true. I agree. I think I would choose the guillotine, except from what I understand, sometimes people, their bodies wiggle around afterwards. And I'm sorry, and I had to say it. Would you have the wherewithal to be funny as your head for that last couple seconds? Oh, what would I say? Like some fun hack little joke? A knock-knock.

You do knock-knock? I do. Looks looks like i'm gonna get a big chop yeah okay do like a little haircut bit i would scream you scream i would scream in a way that would be so upsetting for everyone witnessing it because where's the air coming from buddy oh that's true that's true. I think it's weird that people get to watch too. Do you have asthma? Is that what that was? No, your head. No, your head. Your lungs. Your lungs are gone. Separated.

Oh, don't do that. Your lungs. It's your lungs. Does that make sense? Your lungs are in your head. I'd make a face like, you're wondering how I got here. So when someone picks up the head, it's like,

if my head wasn't attached i'd lose it page what are you saying i don't know i think i'm just going for a big final gasp of air very dramatically you're allowed to be dramatic before the guillotine really you really think so i think well yeah because it's like quick and it's one smooth thing. There's no like injections to worry about. Why are you doing that? Would you want a countdown? Would you want a three, two, one?

Would you want to? No, I wouldn't want to count down. I don't want it to be completely a surprise. I just I'm laying there and maybe some music's playing. No, but they tell you they tell you they make you say your last word. Do you have any last words? Do you want everything you want to say? My last words would be, come on, bitch, let's do it yeah they drop the thing down oh that was another upsetting thing is when another woman who like worked for years like

trying to reform things and like uh she would go and she would be a witness because just to like have people have someone there because sometimes they didn't and um she was like the most upsetting one for her was just this man who had been so like given over to everything that they're like do you have any last words and he just like shook his head no and a like tear came down his face and then they killed him and you're just like brutal anyways sharing this because it was this story this is what twitter feels like on my news feed it's just tragedy it's a. That's another video pops up. It's Saddam Hussein.

Oh, yeah. Moments before. Moments before. I feel like if this was Twitter and you said something really like very earnest about how sad it was to you, someone would reply, wow, that was beautiful. Just like my cat, Minxie. And then they'd like share a little picture of their cat. Yes. Incredibly stupid.

And the cat looks regular. Yeah. The cat's never impressive. Well, for those who are just tuning in for the first time somehow, this is The Downside. This is a place where you can tell we roll around in the negative and we talk about

every day we talk about a different execution style. And today it's guillotine. If you're a fan of the show, join the Patreon. Patreon.com slash downside. Bonus episodes, live episodes, like the one we're recording later tonight with Megan Gailey.

And my comedy special, The Rats Are In Me. Check it out. Patreon.com slash downside. We're recording this a little before release. Russell, congrats. I know you were hoping for Lily Gladstone to lose the Oscars.

So congratulations with that. Oh, my dreams coming true. congrats i know you were uh hoping for lily gladstone to lose the oscars so yeah congratulations with that oh my i know you were really true you're like no no not at all um it's funny when we have a guest who doesn't know at all like the bits yeah and then they go oh shit i was in austin texas i did a podcast i forget what it's called but it was good but the experience yeah the first guy walks in yeah the first guy walks in and he's like he's holding things that he's listening to music he's like sorry i'm being so gay right now and i was like oh boy here we go austin podcast i'm gonna have to look at the camera every once in a while like i don't agree with these guys and then the second guy comes in and he's like oh i'm look i like look so gay right now but we sit down we start talking eventually i find out

they're both gay and i go oh wow but it was like austin it was so awesome so i feel like i was the most feminine one in the room but i immediately when i walked in i was like fuck what did i say yes to i shouldn't have i like i'm just it wasn't that bad but it was it's just Austin's a different place Austin every guy assume they're gay until they say otherwise that's what I learned about Austin

wow so you had the gayest countenance of the three people in that room I did I did I think at the end they did a segment it was like

it was like they said which one of us would you hook up with and they said one said facts are one's a bottom

one's a top. And I said, I don't know. I think if I was gay, it'd be a verse. And they're like, oh my God, you're the first man in Austin

who ever said the word verse. Most people ask this. Okay. And I'm so sorry, this is going to sound nitpicky. Why do you pronounce verse like it's French? Like it's a beautiful,

like, because I think it's a beautiful thing. How does it say verse just verse verse you're still saying it weird you're still hissing it out like a Disney villain for some reason

that's like Jafar it's like you're saying it like you're in trouble like fucking oh god what was his name who's the bald guy in Game of Thrones Like you're saying it like you're in trouble. Yeah, yeah. Like fucking, oh God, what was his name? Who's the bald guy in Game of Thrones? Oh, yeah. The bald eunuch. The eunuch. Oh.

I don't know anyone's name on that show. Spider something? Spider? No. It wasn't Spider. Spider sounds like a gay, not a gay, a gang name. Well, I don't remember. Varys.

Varys. Varys. Yeah. Varys. Do you think that's where verse comes from? I think that's exactly where it comes from. Yeah. So, Vinny, you're Italian.

True? Yes. Yeah, I am. Why'd you say it like that? You said it like it was a secret. Oh, have I been? Because I've done my research. I do my research for these podcasts.

Yeah. Yeah, my dad's black and then my mom my research. I do my research for these podcasts. Yeah. Yeah, my dad's black, and then my mom is Italian. Her family's from Calabria, which is kind of a shitty little place over there. It is? It's not great. I mean, they have fun. There's just not a lot to do. And then the guys are kind of, like, misogynistic and weird.

Italian guys? misogynistic and weird like italian guys i mean i it's just so funny how like when i think of another country i think of it like italy it's like well i know rome and i know venice but it's like there's other just kind of shitty places yeah i would say the rural south of italy is much like the rural south of america um rural south wherever you go are very similar yeah so you've been there i've been there but my parents go back every now and then they just went back for a wedding and my dad wouldn't stop talking about how weird it was that you had like these ancient grandmothers like cleaning stuff and like in front of them are there much younger grandchildren or like the young men around who do not do anything they They just sit and like around them,

they'll just scurry around and like polish it. But they did love it there. The food's obviously amazing and stuff. I'd love it too if I had an old lady just cleaning everywhere I'd go. Yeah, honestly, I think so. So how did your parents meet? Oh, I have no idea.

Oh wait, I think the bean aisle of a grocery store. Oh yeah? But your mom was born in Italy? No, no, no. My grandmother's from Italy. She was born here. You don't care about my parents. I'm trying to learn about Italy.

I'm Italian. I'm Italian, too. I'm a little Italian boy. You're not the only Italian here right now. I thought you were Jewish. You can be both. That's true. You can be both.

Yeah, why do people think it's only one or two? Because people do that all the time. I feel like you're Jewish. You tip more on one side than the other. Because my mom's like, my mom's, because it helps with show business more to lean into the Jewishness.

Not a lot of Italian agents at CAA. By the way, so I got, you know, I've done a tweet here and there, but I'm starting to get like some articles. So this article popped up last night. Oh, shit. I might have closed it. Son of a bitch.

Give me one second. No worries. Look at your half-eaten bowl of oatmeal here. I know. It's never going to get eaten. It's breaking my heart. So I'm just like, I'm out to dinner, having a nice time. And I get my Google alert.

Some Jewish anti-Ssemites are among the worst spreaders some jewish anti-semites are among the worst spreaders and it's by i was nervous i was like what is this article it's the times of israel and i was like oh it's a big one right at the top the guy the author's name his name is moshe mordecaiudin. He looks like he helped write the Bible. That is Charles Darwin, bitch. I know. That's crazy. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

I wouldn't go outside looking like I was from the 1700s like that. I have a feeling this guy does not believe in evolution, to be fair. But so I was like nervous. I'm like, you just don't know. Is it like a big article? Is this going to be a pain in the ass? And it says, this is what I knew. I was like, oh, I don't need to worry about this article.

So it said, so we're talking about Jews that criticize Israel. 2,000 years of persecution gave rise to the unfortunate, legendary Jewish self-hatred. That's quite different from hating Jews. It can be compared to blacks wanting to be whites. Some examples, feeling ashamed or plain terrified about being jewish or other jews wanting to be taller blonder or having blue eyes preferring gentiles because they don't have this angst that reminds us of our own panic and stress

to choke up when a gentile stands with us while a jew speaking the same words doesn't move us there's so much to discuss there's so there's so many you're like you feel these you want to have blue eyes why is the standard for experiencing race always black people do you know what i mean like it's always like you might have heard of it when black people experience it yeah there are so many other people you know what but it's always back to black people always over and over and over and over and also wait what else did he say he said he said uh to be dressed oh yeah he says uh preferring gentiles because they don't have this angst that reminds us of our own panic and stress i would argue gentiles are very angsty yeah we're actually in different ways everyone's angsty everyone has anxiety yeah

um so yeah that's when i stopped being who else is featured in the article uh it's me john stewart bernie sanders real real don't you love it when people who don't really know who you are like assume you're in some different echelon with someone else yeah um i'll never forget when someone lumped me in with chrissy teigen once because she she retweeted something i tweeted and someone was like hollywood elites like vinnie thomas and chrissy teigen and i was like living in my parents house in colorado like in the middle

of the pandemic i was like what the fuck is going on here? Mom and dad, check this out. Yeah, yeah, truly. Do you think Jon Stewart and Bernie Sanders are worried about this? Jarmarco, Jarmarco, up at Jarmarco's level. What was the best, or have you ever had a celebrity that you didn't like, or someone who you disagreed with who shared one of your videos or loved it? Oh, yeah, but I can't say. Are you comfortable just name-dropping celebrities all the time? Oh, yeah, it. Oh yeah, but I can't say. Are you comfortable just like name dropping celebrities all the time?

Oh yeah, constantly. Oh really? It depends. I'm terrified. I'm reaching a point, I'm reaching, I'm definitely reaching a point of like, like I saw Dane Cook at the Hollywood Improv and I'm like, oh, I hope you didn't see that tweet.

Yeah. There's just like a number of people these days that I see. Exactly. And I'm like, oh, I hope you didn't see that one. Oh, I i'm sure they will i'm sure they're gonna go look it up later that's exactly what i would do you should talk online you're not shy in line i'm not shy online except when it comes to people who i think feasibly i could work with i am ultimately kind of a little worm i think at the end of the day i mean i won't say anything if i think it's going to like potentially theoretically like lose me money or a job because i feel with this career it's like you got it you got to make

money and then keep it do you know what i mean you don't have like i don't think there's a chance someday they say hey we want to do a talk show it's you and aaron rogers no i actually don't did you see that yeah yeah he's so dumb man okay aaron rogers i'll talk about yeah sure do i know him i don't know you're not like a big aaron rogers guy over here yeah um well that just means i don't i got these sweatpants that are actually aaron rogers sweatpants they're really cool it's okay it's a joke jesus what does it say vaccine man on the ass vaccine man and i was like this seems problematic fucking raised boils that's a lot of word what did he say these fucking i don't know he said something about there was a reporter that mentioned that off the record he had talked about

sandy hook conspiracies and how there were like men in black outside of the school and uh just weird alex jonesy type shit and then i was like even in black outside of the school and just weird Alex Jonesy type shit. And then I was like, even if he didn't say that, it's so embarrassing that people think you're the type of person who conceivably even could. That's so humiliating to me. And then someone replied, they were like, it's really disappointing because he's actually very intelligent. He got a high score on this one test. And they're like, and that was among all people not just athletes

is that okay? I like a test that's just for athletes though and you're like I nailed that test it's read Sea Dog Run out loud I feel like with all those the people like Sandy Hook fucks them up so much

it's so inconceivable how horrible it is and that's why they go like well this must be fake like i think that's just like what the emotional reaction is to like wanting that to be the case i think it's different i think there are some people that always need to feel as if they know something that other people don't yeah because otherwise they'll just be kind of mired in the reality that they're not smart you know um and so you have to create fiction to put yourself ahead of everyone else because in reality you can't accept that you're as smart or not as smart as everyone else i think with conspiracy theories everyone is allowed to have one but if you have multiple it's a red flag what's yours sandy hook Hook. Sandy Hook.

No, but you don't understand because some people have – like there are people that are just fully conspiracy theory. It's just too much where you're like, oh, you don't actually – you're just either crazy or you want the attention or one of the things. Okay. All right. So mine is Epstein. Epstein is just the one where I'm like, ah. You're choking yourself right now.

I'm putting myself in his shoes. I'm like, what happened? Did he do it? Was this another hand? Epstein, that Boeing guy, the Boeing whistleblower recently died. Whenever these things happen and someone dies, I do go, this seems fishy. Do you think the guy who killed the Boeing whistleblower is kicking himself because he was like, ah, it's just barely too late. Do you know what I mean?

The planes are falling apart. The ship is there. But you think, or the alternative is they said, hey, buddy, you were testifying against us we found out you solicited a minor and we have proof we're going to release the video here's a gun though like there's other ways i have to think and we might have talked about this before but i also think it's hard with conspiracy theories because then like years later you find out all the fucked up things the government was doing that we didn't know like i just again was watching this thing the other day

and it was about the atomic bomb and it was like there was they did tests in new mexico obviously and they didn't tell people and their cattles were all dying and these girl scouts were girl scouts were there and it goes off like 30 miles away from them and they went out and they were like it's snowing in summer and they were pressing the ashes to their face but fun fact it was actually in a radiated girl scout who invented the do-si-do so ultimately worth it yeah i think but and only like one or two of them live to be 30. so you're like they're like stuff like that where you're like well no wonder we're so prone to it because you're like there is happening we just don't know about.

There was that whole island too that they were bombing with nukes all the time. Yes. And then it's unlivable now, but there was a whole culture that lived there and it's like, you know. Should have been Epstein's Island. Am I right or am I right? Am I right? Am I right or am I right? That's another Twitter one.

It's a picture of the Wizard of Oz and they're all in the snow. And they go, it's's a picture of uh the wizard of oz and they're all in the snow uh and and they go it's like a picture of mr incredible and he's like smiling it's like those who don't know and then it's like a dark version where they're like those oh yeah and it's because it's asbestos asbestos asbestos what conspiracy do you do you go see i can kind of like get on board with multiple which is why i'm also saying i'm wrong but i also don't i don't fully go there with anything like i'm always like i'm like i don't know maybe there more to it you know jfk no i'm not really into jfk so you don't think he's dead i think yeah he's hiding he's alive he's well um no i'm trying to think i mean right now the the i am intrigued by the whole kate middleton

thing it seems it seems weird i hate that family i'm so tired yeah me too no no we're not we're this is not a royals podcast no no we hate the royals we like rip little british no but um something's happening i think the theory that came up today or yesterday seems that where he got someone pregnant she doesn't want to get rid of it the duchess of yes it's a word impossible to pronounce and now she's like not wanting to associate with with him and so they're getting like a decoy and stuff right is that what's happening oh oh i oh oh sorry wait say that woman what's your thing what's what did you okay so the the talk online ladies ladies and

so they got into some sort of little spat they're having marital issues kate and william kate and william and so often you'll see um a stand- stand in for Kate in like a car or something. And someone zoomed in really close and noticed that she didn't have the mole above her lip, the stand in. And I guess they're just doing a sloppy job or whatever. Some of it's crazy. Like one person overlaid a picture of her face onto her face from like Vogue and they were like, they match. I think that's real. I saw you criticize it and I think it's real. I think it's real. They look the same. Didn't have to hit that pitch.

I think it's real. I think it's real. There were lines of where the thing would be. No, but John Margo, they were just making it transparent and then like trying to they just made it transparent and then erased the parts that didn't match. You can see it. You thought it was a real picture?

Oh, wait. They're both real pictures of her. The Vogue picture and the other one that didn't match. You can see it. It's like a little. You thought it was a real picture. Oh, wait. They're both real pictures of her. The Vogue picture and the other one's real. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. You think the other one's real? She took a picture with her kids casually. Oh, I think it's real.

I don't think she edited it. I can't bring myself to believe that the crown princess of England. Definitely no. She's experimenting with Photoshop. Using Photoshop. That's insane to me. Of course not. But I don't think it's AI.

I think it's an edit of a bunch of the pictures together i just i would only be the photoshop if it was like even worse like if it was like in canva and it was like a border edge around i go wow she's really experimenting with photos i do think she's the type of person who would have words like family hope and faith like plastered all over her picture she would get really into sticking those everywhere so i don't think she edited well but the thing now is though you're like there's such an outcry for people to hear from her that either she is really like i'm not fucking making an appearance yeah or she's not well a lot of people don't she's getting a bbl you know but like is she in a coma is she you know no there's no way she's in a coma

you don't think i said there's no way tova thinks uh my my girlfriend yeah tova's joe marco's girlfriend hey uh tova tova thinks that she cheating unhappy whatever she wants out or she's renegotiating whatever like their marriage agreement is and she's like i'm not playing ball until you give me you know whatever castle's here whatever castle's there and so she's smart she's using it as a negotiating position and they're trying to cover it up but they keep fucking it up left right and center i would go even harder if i was there i'd take a selfie like this oh yeah like and i just looked a little off do you know what i mean like nothing is strictly wrong my eyes just look a little wild yeah and then i just share it to my story you know or like some weird emoji like three random emojis i just stick them on there and then just let those little those idiots they're like taylor's people like try to put all the pieces

together don't create the narrative you don't have to do anything you could just do this yeah but tova's saying like this this is this is the last hope for like if if this crumbles the royal family it's it's all done i think it's done. It's all done. I think it's done. I think we're seeing the end of it. You think? Yeah, I mean, this is annoying. It's annoying.

Why do you keep getting divorced? It's annoying. You have one job and it's not to get divorced. Yeah. You could have a million secret. Who cares? Just don't get divorced. That's your whole job.

And you get paid so much money just to do that. And they can't. Yeah. It's also funny because you talk to some people over there and like, it means so much to them. And you kind of want to be like, grow up you know what i mean like grow up like why does this mean anything to you it's so it's like it's like when a american is too into politicians too you're like they work for us what are you talking about like it is but it's even worse because they

because they are not vote they're not they're not working for you they are literally just taking things from you so you're like why do you like them? Shut the fuck up. Stop. Do you think Megan recorded in here? Megan had a Spotify deal. Did she? Oh yeah, for a second. Didn't it go for a second? Yeah, but she would agree with everything we're saying.

Wouldn't she? Sure. Well, that was, Tova thinks that Kate Middleton like saw Megan going to having her Spotify deals and Oprah talks. I was like, I want to do that. Yeah. How do you cheat in the,

to cheat in the royal family though. I don't know how. That means your schedule, I mean, the cheating. Yeah. How do you cheat in the, to cheat in the royal family though? I don't know. That means you're scheduled. I mean, the cheating is scheduled. Maybe they have code names, but those guards that don't talk, I'll tell you why they don't talk. Cause they're watching all the cheating going on constantly. So they're like, you can't talk.

I think, I think it's the guards themselves. I think you found the solution to your problem here. And the solution, they're railing the guys in the giant feathery hats. I think that's exactly what's happening. The ones that scream. and I'll admit, it is a little hot when you see those videos and they're like, don't get close to the queen's carriage.

And they like scream at you. You've seen those videos, right? I've never seen them talk. Fight for the queen. I've not seen them talk. I've only seen the videos where people yell at them and they're just like. I've seen the video where they're marching.

This is another Twitter one. And a little boy like walks in front of them and they fucking step on the boy. They do not move. And that is hot. If you touch them, they're like, my wife and the queen's god. And they

scream it at the top of their lungs. And this is the only time they talk. It's hard. These people, people want structure. Yeah, they really want structure. They's hard. These people, this is their, it's the people want structure. Yeah. They really want structure. They want order. They want to believe in something.

Well, I look at like anything, Canadians, they have the queen on their money. And I'm like, this is crazy. Yeah. Get that off there.

Oh my God. I want plastic money so bad. I'm sorry. It's awful to, it's awful to stack or count. Okay. I'm changing my mind just based on the face you made. Cause it totally changed my mind. You like crunched. For selling merch after shows, it is a pain in the butt. I'm changing my mind just based on the face you made because it totally changed my mind.

For selling merch after shows, it is a pain in the butt. I think it's pretty. It is pretty for sure. The $100 bills smell like maple. Do they? Wait, purposefully? I'm talking about Canadian mustard. Is that your conspiracy theory? And when you put a seashell to your ear and you hear the ocean.

You know how long I believed that shit as if it was a real thing? That the seashell, you could hear the ocean? It's like an echo. It hear the ocean you know how long i believe that shit as if it was like a real thing that the seashell you could hear the ocean echo it's the ocean oh you thought there was a little ocean inside of it i i thought magically somehow there was a spiritual connection between the seashell and then like a couple years ago i put it together that's not a couple of years ago that was definitely a lie like a thing that my parents said that that i would one day i was like oh no that's false i i can't speak forever i think i always understood it to mean that when you put it up to either your ear the sound you hear is similar to the sound of the ocean and not you're three you're like oh you mean similar to well i wasn't going i like your interpretation as a child

being like it's oh it's a spiritual connection. You thought it was a phone call with Yoshi. I didn't have God or religion. I had a seashell and I was connected to the ocean. That's beautiful. Well, speaking of the royal family, you have a snake. Yeah. I talk about her on every podcast. But you're a reptiles guy. Oh, hugely.

How did that start? I don't know anyone who has a reptile. Well, just because very rarely do they end up in entertainment. Normally they have gauges. They have a room in their house with racks and racks of snakes. They've got one big python named Skullfucker or something. They love reptiles. Is that because people, the things that they like about reptiles lends itself to that kind of person or is it because reptiles are kind of counter out of the mainstream

and so it attracts people who are out of the mainstream which is it i think the snake or the egg people who love oh jesus christ i think people people who love reptiles have always loved reptiles and you know what i mean like yeah i wanted to be and this is huge i'm saying this i wanted to be a curator of ornithology at the bronx zoo until i was like 16 years old that was all i wanted to do was work with like birds and reptiles yeah uh and then i pivoted wildly into this um portraying them on stage to portray the ones god i just i would love to be a bird i would love to be a bird. I would love to be a bird because I'm a bird. I want to be one of the eagles that drags the hobbits away. Um, and Lord

of the Rings, you know? Yeah. How did it start? What was your first or did your parents, were your parents into them? My parents were into them because we had two dogs and the dogs passed away and my mom didn't want to get any more dogs cause it made her super sad when they died. Um, but I love lizards. So first thing I got was a little leopard gecko named Leo. So I had a couple leopard geckos. How long do they live? Oh, they were around a long time. They both 12, 13 years.

And do they have any discernible personality? You go, that one's like this. This one's like this. Do they snuggle? Not really. They don't snuggle. How do you interact with them? Oh, the thing is, they're not pets you cuddle with john mark they're like it's a like keeping the terrarium

is ultimately the hobby right so you decorate and assemble like a realistic terrarium yeah and that's that's just like and you like the process of decorating it or you like it then like looking at it do you know what i mean like do you which or both he's a dog guy you're a dog yeah okay but i i do love like miniature things yeah like so i like a little log and a little fake fountain is cool i can i can understand how that would be like oh i like that you know i mean yeah i i don't have enough space in New York to do that. And I don't like it enough to do it. But I understand that that's kind of like a fun component. Oh, yeah.

It's great. I think recreating wherever the natural environment that the lizard is from is a lot of what the fun part is. You're not touching or like holding them. Oh, man. I'm holding them. Baby, I'm holding those things. Yeah. Oh, I'm holding them. Baby, I'm holding those things. Yeah, when I was younger, I used to, I watched so much Steve Irwin and, you know, like Discovery Channel, Animal Planet. And I would pretend I was doing research on them.

So I'd like pick them up and like, what they do is when they want to identify an animal, they like measure them and like draw out the pattern so that you can remember what they, and there was no reason for this. I had one fucking lizard at a time, but I kept doing this uh i don't know it's just goofy snakes are great pets though you only have to feed uh the kind of snake i have you only feed her once every seven to ten days and then during the winter she doesn't eat at all like she hasn't eaten in five or six months so i could just go on a trip and how do you know fine how do you how does she tell you she's ready oh i warm I warm her back up. Okay. But when you look, okay. And you're finished.

You're tired of this. If you have a connection, do you look into the eyes of your snake and go like, hey, a fellow conscious being? Like when you see a dog, you're like, wow, we're two things with consciousness. Or is it when it dies, do you feel anything or do you go, well? I think for something to feel conscious, it has to have some kind of an eyelid I think that's my room yeah it's thanks don't it's just constantly you know like open they don't sleep you cry do sleep but they don't have their eyes they don't blink yeah their eyes are open okay so talk me through the first the first one that died did you cry uh I thought I was sad I don't know if this makes me sound like a sociopath no no no

lizards makes you sound like a sociopath i i um i was sad when my dogs died because you form more of a connection with dogs i think for me reptiles it's more of a hobby you know then like keep it i was very sad but i don't think i was like you know wailing screaming why god why did my lizard pass away because i knew why it was old you give them names yeah yeah i had uh leo and lizzie because i was super young and lizard starts with l and then my snake that i have now her name is mrs gutierrez oh because i don't want to name it something scary you know yeah but snakes have no ability you can't say mrs gutierrez. And she turns her head.

No, the only thing she responds to is the smell of a mouse. So if you feed her a mouse, she gets super excited. She eats that mouse. And that's how you know they're not smart. Because if I touch the mouse and put my hand in there, she'll immediately attack my hand. Because it smells like a mouse. But otherwise. When you say attack,

what are we talking? Oh yeah. Oh, buddy. There are teeth. They're very small. She, her head is about the size of my thumb,

but she has a bunch of little tiny needle shaped backward facing teeth. And she's bitten you only once. And it was because I wasn't paying attention. Like locking in or no, she felt bad. I think that is one thing. She felt bad after she did it. She immediately, she,

she, she bit and then she let go and her mouth was open and she goes. And she like slowly mouth open the whole time. But it hurt? Back into her cave. Wait. Yeah, I bled.

There was like a cat. You really think like. There's a scar still right here. You really think that she recognized something? That she had done something wrong? I think she recognized. He's giving her my seven, every seven, ten days, you know? Yeah. Oh my God. Thank you for remembering that. Yeah. I thank you for remembering that yeah i mean she i think you're ready i think you have a snake i think you're right there that's that's most of what you need

to remember yeah i think you're right there yeah but i think i would overfeed because i would get nervous about not feeding for months really well but how do you know when the time to stop like you just by the weather uh by the weather yeah i mean she she gets more active a lot of people if they live in a warmer climate they have like kind of a freezer situation that they'll put the snake in and they'll lower the temperature to 50 degrees and then when it's time to warm them up and this is you do this if you want to breed them mostly um then you heat them back up and and they're ready to go ready to fuck yeah they're ready to go yeah and you're gonna Yeah. And you were going to ask how do they reproduce?

Yeah. Pervert. They have a hemipenis. Male snakes have a hemipenis. So their penis splits into two. And what they do is in the community, in the reptile community, it's called locking up.

And so they'll slither around each other and wrap around each other. And one of the hemipenes will find its way into the female's cloaca. And then they'll be locked there for a little while while the, the other ones, the other ones just waving around. No,

they're pretty solidly there. Turtles are more interesting turtles and tortoises box turtles. When they reproduce the male, uh, well, you know, insert into the female's cloaca and then he will just flip backwards and he'll sometimes be dragged around on his back

and it could take hours it could take days that it's just they're linked up like that and he's just being dragged around so he the the female turtles this is the top of the shell yeah the carapace the other guy's just on his back like this they making noises like a train like a train like turtles fucking before yeah tortoises they sound crazy can we get an imitation yeah it sounded like me it was just like yeah

exactly the same wow that sounds fun sorry the mating aspect or keeping a reptile no the mating aspect yeah now i want to be reincarnated as a turtle whenever people go i want to be reincarnated they never seem to like dragged around for yeah it's never detailed is it it's always i want to be a butterfly i never oh my god i'm only gonna live for a few months you know uh you do you know how all reptiles reproduce i think i could give you a general description of yeah what's what sounds like the the best time that if you could what

sounds like that reptile and just try it once because here's what i don't understand yeah you don't want to try it you think no but like you know how they always say dolphins are the only ones that uh for just pleasure oh no not at all that's what I thought how do they know that you know what I mean I think they know dolphins because like dolphins are like

humping people yeah yeah yeah there's a whole article about a woman who has sex with a dolphin sometimes in the ocean just a woman yeah

it's usually a man it's usually a man that's fucking an animal I've actually never heard of it no no but it's usually a man that gets caught fucking an animal I was like yeah fucking an animal a man. It's usually a man. I've actually never heard of it. No, no. But it's usually a man that gets caught fucking an animal. I was like, yeah. Fucking an animal, a man.

Establishing a very weird, intimate bond with an animal, woman. Which has led to an entire culture of horse girlism. Yeah, sure. Which I think is part of that. But you asked me. There's another Twitter video with a horse recently that really upset me. No, I don't want to do that. Stop.

It was really upsetting. Let's not talk about that. We actually don't have to talk about it. we can talk about something you know okay has anyone been to church recently let's talk about that which okay so so which animal has like the best time oh yeah if you had to be an animal bonobos bonobos also have sex recreationally in fact that's a key part of their culture is that they use that to settle conflicts um bonobos are kind of chimpanzees are famously violent and brutal and they like attack each other and there's always consent there's chimpanzees there's sometimes not because they're they're horrible mean creatures may i rip your face off uh yes and then uh bonobos are totally different where they're peace loving and they're

all like sleeping with each other and there's rarely incidents of you know violence you gotta see it i saw at the sex museum the first floor used to be animals and the bonobos and they're like they're whacking it just like walking around really Really? They're like, ah! And the women, it's engorged. It's engorged. It's like a clementine. Calm down. He's freaking out. You're talking about it?

You guys can't see it. John Margo is shaking and sweating right now. They are whacking it. There's a whole file on his computer. With no boats. With no clementines. You've got toacking it. There's a whole file on his computer. With no boats. With no whole limit signs. You've got to see it. Okay, well, it makes sense.

But when the turtle does it, I mean, because they're doing it for so long. Turtle reproduction is so violent and scary to me, particularly like land-based turtles and tortoises. Because the males fight like hard. They like bash each other in. The tortoise you were mentioning, the sulcatas, they have these two projections at the bottom part of the shell called Guler projections that they use to try to stab each other in the throat to become the dominant male.

So I wouldn't want to deal with that. Like I don't want to fight. You know what I mean? I would still be gay. I think ultimately whatever it was mean i would still be gay i think ultimately whatever it was i would still be gay i'm not fighting for a female yeah it's uh not worth it to me but um there any gay lizards well there are species that are entirely female there exists no males and uh they reproduce either through parthenogenesis by cloning themselves or through some other means where they've like.

Scissoring. They shuffle. Yeah, through scissoring. Uh-huh. Through like building railroad tie gardens together and moving into apartments. And, you know, they wear like coveralls and Patagonia jackets. And they just have the time of their lives. They've got the cat.

They've got the cat. The cat kills them. Yeah. Yeah. And those are pretty fascinating. So I'd say there are definitely lesbian lizards. I don't know if there are... But how do they reproduce?

It's... Parthenogenesis is one way. There are a lot of reptiles who in the absence of a presence of a male, the female can basically clone herself. But there are also some who do this other gene shuffling thing where there are males but the males are all sterile and so you just need a male to pretend to have sex with you and then you can give birth male just has to pretend the

male just basically he thinks he did a great job he's like oh i come oh i come i come and then the female is able to successfully uh give birth yeah wait to whales whales i have a question about whales i love this it's just animal questions because that happened recently they found a video yeah two humpback whales two guys having sex yeah you only watch it on their only fins fine that joke was a fluke um wait so the whales have penises yes yeah but wait i have so many interesting things the loch ness monster they think when the loch ness monster was like a whale but they're all they're all growers right because when you see them swimming around you don't see those big penises yeah well like laying down like like when you put it growing versus showing no but where do they come from i'm saying i will say i wish

whales have like the same anatomy as humans because imagining a whale with like tits it's so funny but like she's beached and it's beautiful. Do you know what I mean? Like she's just reclining on the sand and her breasts are like laid out. No, they're huge. Pump back titties. There was an old, I think it was a college humor sketch, but it was about like the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. It was like they really captured the real CGI cocks for all the turtles. And once you think of it, you realize just how all these pieces of animal media that we consume just erase the fact that their genitals are just out there. Well, you wouldn't.

They're not out there because that's what I'm saying. And whales have a genital sheath where everything is inside of like an internal sheath so that they're streamlined because a cock would slow them down. Yeah. A big old dick would slow them down in the water. And so they've evolved to have the cock on the inside. Yeah. Michael Phelps has this too. Michael Phelps.

Wait, I have a question uh most animals also have bones in their penises so but the two humpbacks that were both males yeah where was the one putting the other thing so it's wait he was either just humping the other whale or he was sliding his into the other male's genital sheath one of the two yeah oh my god he was sliding his into the other male's genital sheath. One of the two. Oh my God, he was docking? Wait, why did you laugh at me like you knew everything about it? Because I thought the asshole. Does a whale not have an asshole? Yeah, the whale has an asshole. I just assumed the gay whale put it in the other whale's asshole.

Was that wrong? No, no, no, no, no. Whales have a third hole. You understand? There's a blowhole too. Yeah. But he couldn't breathe. I would be the whale that's so gay he suffocates. i would be the whale that's so gay he's i'd be like it's okay i'm like sticks please stick it in my nose

wait okay so was this were they both having this were they both enjoying the sex i think that there's no way for us to know for sure some people were it was weird because some articles really went hard apparently convinced that one whale was being fully assaulted they were like this male was um engaging in sexual activity with a much weaker male and i was like okay do you know what i mean like harvey wales team yeah you know so i and you did you want to say that again let's get it clean for the audience harvey i don't know i think i don't know if it was necessarily just that it was weaker i think whales can be twinks do you know what i mean i think one of the whales was just a twink yeah yeah sure sure uh any more questions any more yeah i mean i'm i i do think about what i do do often no i don't have whales i think about animals stuff fucking a lot in terms of like sometimes you'll see an animal you'll be like and you'll

have the thought how does that reproduce do you know what i mean like you'll look at it and it's hard it like seems like it's hard to get around and like it's just hard to imagine it doing the deed but when they say these animals don't enjoy it they're like they'll say certain animals don't

enjoy it yeah but they still have to they have to want to do it and isn't want joy no the thing is like there are some animals who have evolved to have I can't believe I'm talking about

this have like violent, horrible mating experiences. For example, there are some kinds of ducks that are in arms races, basically, with the shapes of their genitals. often assaulted and attacked by male ducks that they've, they have a very complex, uh, birth canal within their cloaca so that the sperm sometimes gets trapped within these different channels. And so as a consequence, these males have evolved more and more complex penises to try to fit into

these. Um, because so often, like so many of the females are sometimes drowned basically because the males like dive bomb them. And I can't believe it. What's crazy is we didn't invite you on to talk about this but you really know a lot about animal sex like it's crazy and about animals okay wait this is confirmation bias because you guys are asking about sex you could ask about anything. You know a lot about animals. You're making it more like a priest. And you're like, I don't know. I don't know.

Ass. Yum. No, you know a lot about animals. It's very impressive. All right. I do think it's, whenever like a homophobe person is like, well, these animals don't do it. I'm like, you don't want to compare us to animals because then we're going to go into some crazy territory. Yeah.

They got dicks. Well, that's the, was that it? into some crazy territory. They got dicks. Was that it? They got dicks. They got dicks. They got pussies. They got it all. You've seen the bonobos? They got these enlarged pussies. Like lementine.

Like a sumo horn. But that was the thing when you were growing up, like, no one talked about, like, sex, but you'd go to the Animal Kingdom or whatever discovery channel

and they'd show them sex and that's like, well, you gotta tell them about this. Oh my gosh. I went to the, I went to a zoo in Omaha.

Henry Dorley. Yes. One of my favorites. It's a good zoo. Yeah. And two hippos fucking saw it. And it was like, it was not great to watch.

It was just like, it took a while to realize what was happening because you just saw kind of one kind of out of the water. And you're like, what is that? Because you could see it like splashing. And then I was with my mom and I was just like, what's that thing? And then we realized there was kind of a woman, like a hippo, just like kind of like head getting dumped in the wall. I watched my mom realize what was happening. She's like, oh, oh, oh, oh.

And then we're all just kind of like, oh, oh. Imagine a hippo's face just getting like pressed against the glass. Like a weirdo. There's a zoo video where these kids getting like pressed against the glass of a hidden man like a weirdo there's a zoo video where these kids are at a zoo and there's like it's a chimpanzee or monkey but he picks up a frog

and everyone goes aww frog and he starts jerking off the frog and the it is the funniest thing and the weirdest thing was when he put the frog down, it hopped back immediately. That's all I wanted to talk about. No, no, no. I did.

I did. There was. So what happened to your dreams? It seems like this is what you should be doing. I think I'll be able to melt the two eventually. Yeah. I think I'll get there. Who's pulled off educational comedy the best?

Like, do you look at Bill Nye? Do you have a poster of him in your room? Because he was, Bill Nye? No, he was the guy for a little while. I think I was always more looking at like, oh God, there was a guy named Jeff Corwin on the Discovery Channel. Sounds familiar. Yeah.

And he'd like go into rivers and wash elephants. It was just really cool stuff. But I don't know. I think I'd be more the person who goes to different zoos and research facilities and interviews the people. I think what's really interesting is people who take care of the things because there's like some species of frog for example that have gone completely extinct in the wild because of like a fungus that's wiped out the entire population so in some

zoos the entire global population of like a thousand frogs is like on a bunch of shelves and it's like one guy's job to make sure that they don't die you know uh-huh and I think it's a ton of pressure and a really funny yeah thing to learn i mean we're all laughing we are okay so my pitch because you you're not you've done you've done characters where you are an animal yeah so my pitch is you have to go in there and you pretend to be the animal and see if you can fit in and that's what it is interesting so it's like a mix of like Steve Irwin but then once you find the animal you're like yeah now I'm gonna be an alligator funny alligator and I'm fully with the alligators and I'm putting myself at enormous risk very yeah yeah I'm in there with them wearing a costume the alligator see it as alligator face sure I don't

know I've always imagined have you heard of the green porno with Isabella Rossellini? No. She does this. He's heard of every porno. I have heard of every porno. Orange porno, the red porno. She does this weird little video series where she's like, and now I am a fly.

A fly is a kind of bug. And she's like dressed in the costume and shit. Really? And it's so weird and i'd say probably more something like that that's what i would become yeah i'm gonna basically i'm gonna kill isabella rosalie put on her skin and i'm gonna become isabella rosalie do other animals laugh yes yeah uh famously coco the gorilla laughed um most great apes laugh um but you have to be careful because what we interpret as a smile for them is a fear or threat posture.

Yeah. But sometimes they laugh. They open their mouth. That really sucks for the animal. Rats laugh. Or no, rats can be tickled, but I don't know if they laugh. Well, we could tickle a lot of things. No, but they feel it as a tickle, you cunt.

That's not just that you tickle. No one's talking about diddling rats. You can tickle anything you try hard enough. Again, but again, you just said you can tickle them, but you can't know they don't laugh. So how do you know they come back for more? Yeah, researchers would tickle them and then leave and the rat would run back

because they liked the feeling. Our friend Andy Zou, he did a tickling. Remember, do you see the documentary about the guy who does tickling videos? I absolutely did, yeah. He did that.

That icon. Wait, he was on it? No, he wasn't in the video, but he was like, he's an actor and he directs and he films, but during his acting days, they flew him out.

And he's the kind of guy who's like acting days they they flew him out and he's like he's the kind of guy who's like sure let's let's fly out stay at a hotel like he's he's an idiot no he's just he's just he's down for a adventure down for a quick tickle he's got a quick tick i do it you get tickled for how much i mean i really think i would hate it i don't like at this moment in your career would you oh there's a there's an amount of money there's a lot of things that it's like i want to do it yeah and then in my mind i go to marco someday you're gonna be 60 and you're gonna need health insurance and disney will be like hey do you want to host the dumbest fucking game show in the world and you'll be like yes and then they'll say uh-oh we found the tickle video

and now we can't have you host the game show yeah i think and i hate that part of my brain i hate that part okay you can wear a mask maybe you wear a mask if you were yeah if it was it was anonymous how much to be tickled for how long like tick like they're gonna do it like i'm like an hour that is really i mean that's that's an i'd have to test it like i'd be like hey could you tickle me for five minutes so i could kind of and i give you a cut would you pay me for that i get a sample tickling yeah yeah please you do it you're tickling animals on the side you would do it for nothing professional oh yeah he's got tools and shit he's got instruments and you're strapped in right yeah you're locked in there they got a guy holding your legs

we talked about before there was a guy who wanted to he wanted to suck my feet yeah yeah you want me to send him my underwear oh my god see that kind of stuff I wish happened to me do you know what I mean like I can refer you I can say I can't but I know well that thing is like

I don't know to me the fe that I feel like I'm jealous of women and that they get propositioned to like, oh, send me pictures of your feet and I'll send you $200 immediately. Do you know what I mean? Has never happened to me. So one day, I hope. Hear that everyone listening today.

Higher spitter. I don't think I'd do it now. And by the way, I should mention, I listening today. Higher spitter. I don't think I'd do it now. And by the way, I should mention, I think any game show Disney produces would be delightful, and I think it would be great. I think we're different in that regard. More game shows, actually. More game shows, I'd say, yeah. This episode is brought to you by A Real Pain. From Searchlight Pictures comes one of the buzziest films at Sundance Film Festival, A Real Pain.

Written, directed, and starring Oscar nominee Jesse Eisenberg alongside Emmy Award winner Kieran Culkin. Witness a hilarious and moving story about two mismatched cousins as they tour through Poland to honor their beloved grandmother. The adventure takes a turn when the pair's old tensions resurface against the backdrop of their family history. See A Real Pain only in theaters November 15th. Metrolinks and Crosslinks are reminding everyone to be careful as Eglinton Crosstown LRT train testing is in progress. Please be alert as trains can pass at any time on the tracks. Remember to follow all traffic signals.

Be careful along our tracks and only make left turns where it's safe to do so. Be alert, be aware, and stay safe. So, how do you feel about global warming and animals dying? Do you feel upset? Do you feel like, you go like, do you hear like, oh, the such and such frog stopped existing today and you go, oh. Yeah, I come. I think it's really sad when you see researchers who deal with a lot of these animals on a day-to-day basis.

Like there's one guy in Australia who studies specific kinds of beetles that only live in this little tiny, like, maybe three-mile-square radius of Australia. And that all these grasses were wiped out by a wildfire. All of them. So that entire species that he's been studying, that he's fascinated by, is probably gone now. Because it only lived there. And that stuff really puts in a context, like, I don't know, how much diversity of wildlife there is and how many things that are going extinct that we don't even know about.

And it's all very bleak to think about. But I think there are some like positive stories, too, you know? What's a positive story? Chbosky's wild horse, I think, is a good example. Say no more. Okay. What's Chbosky's wild horse? You guys don't want to hear about Chbosky's wild horse.

I do want to hear. What is this? What is this? You're walking around going like You guys don't want to hear about Chbosky's wild horse. I do want to hear. What is this? What is this? You're walking around going like, you don't want to hear about this. You don't want to hear about Chbosky's wild horse. I've decided. No, I'm fascinated.

We're all fascinated. What's Chbosky's wild horse? It's the only extant wild member of the horse family. So all of the other wild horses went extinct. And the Chbosky's horse is still alive and it almost went extinct in the wild. I think it did go extinct and then they bred it in zoos and released it

same with the scimitar horned orcs which is a kind of antelope with really long horns it's crazy, do you get an email blast every day with this shit? I think we all have things that we latch onto do you know what I mean? I can't remember people's names and faces

I think one of the most embarrassing things about me is can't, like, I can't remember people's names and faces. I think one of the most embarrassing things about me is that it's very hard for me to remember people's names. You have that and you don't know anything about animals. Yeah. No, I feel like the error of me knowing things, it's musical theater, but it's only

up to a certain point, and then it stops, and it's very useless. Like, I know everything about Sondheim musicals, and that's it. And for stops and it's very useless. I know everything about Saw 9 musicals and that's it. And for you it's Real Housewives of New York and just that one. I know a lot of things about music. Spotify?

I know We all look We all have like I think I said follow along with So my girlfriend doesn't really listen to music Like a crazy person At all She grew up Chabad

So like she'll like Like klezmer music Klezmer but never Doesn't really Other stuff And so her Spotify wrapped They said You have not listened

To enough music For us to give you A Spotify rap And that's why I'm here Spotify I want to get something Has she tried mariachi It's so close

Really Mariachi I feel like Is very close Because it's very polka-ish And it's why I'm here, Spotify. I want to get something. Has she tried mariachi? It's so close. Really? Mariachi, I feel like it's very close because it's very polka-ish and it's right there. And a little more fun. Is it pro-Israel? Pro-Israel mariachi band is so funny. That is fucking hilarious, Doug. That's crazy.

Let's go on to our next segment, This Has Gotta Stop. This Has Gotta Stop. All right. Wait a second, because our mic's cut out for 10 minutes now. No. No, I can hear you. I can hear you. It was a joke.

You guys know I was on an episode of Star Wars, but we talked mostly about whale dicks. It's okay. Wait, did you play a human or an alien? It's actually too late. Do you like Star Wars yeah yeah what I just said was mostly a bit we don't have to no I know okay

no but I'm asking like do you do you like aliens what's that like does your does your into being into species like oh yeah it applies to even pretend ones

were you an alien or a human or on the on Star Wars I was a human yeah I was a young senator do you have friends because there's no way people in on Star Wars? I was a human. Yeah. I was a young Senator. Do you have friends out? Cause there's no way people in comedy can relate to you on a lot of these

things. Yeah. Do you have friends that are in that world or do you just carry this around? Wait, you're talking about Star Wars or animal world? Animal. Animal world. Uh,

yeah, I've made a lot of friends, especially online. There was a, there's a researcher named Kirsten Formoso and she was, she's a PhD and she was studying giant marine lizards at the zoo out here. Or not the zoo, the museum, the Natural History Museum.

And she reached out and she gave me like a behind-the-scenes tour of all the fossils and like the research she's doing. So that's a lot of fun. I think I, yeah. I do have friends, I think was ultimately her. Have you ever dated someone or been on a date with someone and they saw your snake and they were like, get that away from me?

Here's the thing is I try to tell people in advance because if I'm bringing them back to my apartment, the last thing you want to see is a meticulously clean apartment with a snake. How do you say it? Do you say like there's more than one snake at my place tonight? Yeah. And then I whip out my dick and my dick hisses. A forked tongue comes out of the middle of it okay we didn't touch a mouse right before this or i will come right away no yeah i tried i tried to broach it but i try to be like cool about it there's so many you could be a weird guy you know anyone anyone not not like

it just go like please i don't want to no i'd be scared of a snake i mean if it's in a thing though you're safe sure but then it's in a thing and then if it's in a thing though you're safe sure but then it's in a thing and then it's not in a thing there's another another twitter video it's a woman taking care of a snake and the snake grabs her and starts wrapping around her but yours doesn't sound that big to do that

no no no she's three and a half feet she's not huge and then her head like I said is the size of my thumb what's she gonna eat you know she like latches onto my nipple or something and tries her best i you know but she's never escaped no never okay yeah when you see snakes and they have like you see the whole antelope in their body yeah yeah do they usually die like can they overeat and then they can't move absolutely they can burst and there's a lot of images of... How embarrassing....invasive... I just know if I was a snake,

that's how I would die. No, don't bring Russell over for dinner. Oh, no. He'll blow up again. We're going to have to call an ambulance and they're going to

have to repair him. Burmese pythons, which were introduced to the Everglades, are eating a ton of alligators and stuff. And one of them's eyes were bigger than its stomach and he ate a huge alligator and the alligator wasn't dead. So the alligator fought its way out and they both died, but the alligator popped out of its side. So it's like a picture of a snake split open with an alligator coming out of it. Oh my God. What am I thinking of? Can you imagine a snake whose eyes were actually

bigger than a stomach? That would be a very scary looking snake. Or really cute. I think that... Like an anime snake? It doesn't have any hands. It's like making a peace sign with its tail. I can't do it. No one can do it. It's impossible. Forget it. In all cultures,

our snakes consider... Oh, the tongue is the peace sign. In all cultures, our considered oh it's the tongue is the peace sign in all cultures are snakes considered like the evil like I feel like snakes have a bad rap snake you're a snake I mean I think why aren't they trustworthy

where did that phrase come from how come I've never seen a snake with a good job how come I've never seen a god damn snake with a white collar fucking job are snakes having affairs are they lying about things no I think they're probably deadly and so in the past if you saw a snake that was bad news they just ate your baby

and you're like that's a bad snake a lot of people think there's an evolution yeah yeah they move like this boots purr a lot of people think that there's like some evolutionary component of like somewhere deep in our brain. We're inherently afraid of like spiders and snakes.

And I think some cultures in some contexts, they're worshipped. But still, I think most people are afraid of them, which I think is normal. I don't think it's right. I think it's normal. Yeah. Let's go. We played this. I started playing this two hours ago.

Yeah. Do you have this has got to stop? Oh, do you have a This Has Got to Stop? Oh, yeah. Which one was I going to do? I had options. I was going to do not letting me bring my water bottle into the comedy club. We just wanted snake related. Oh, just snake stuff?

No, just kidding. Not bringing your water. I have snake stuff too. Not bringing your what? They keep making me, every time I like my refill of water bottle into like comedy works or something like you gotta dump it out you gotta dump it out before you come in here and i always have to dump it out is it just me i think it's because i don't command an air of authority when i walk into a space but why why wouldn't you why aren't they letting people have

water bottles i don't know especially because i'm going to the green room i'm not gonna buy a fucking drink it you know what i mean i'm just sitting in there um wait what are you talking about i know i've never heard this at um wait what are you talking about i know i've never heard this at all really it just happens to me and it's happened so many times one time i went to a show at the virgil out here and i'm walking in with my replaceable bottle the guy's like oh you can't bring that in here i said what i'm i'm performing tonight i'm just going up to the green room there's bottles of water up there anyway and he's like it's the rule you gotta leave it out here and i said okay so i left it with him loved this fucking bottle by the way i leave it out with him

the show's over i come back outside guy's gone my bottle's not down there uh i flagged down another guy i said hey uh what happened to my my bottle the guy said to leave with him he said oh man we we threw that out i'm sorry we probably threw that out i'm sorry sorry. We probably threw that out. I'm sorry. Like, you didn't even know. Oh, my God. What the fuck is this? This is like an L.A. thing. I don't know. If I were to do a club and they said, put your water bottle away,

I'd say, absolutely not. I would not perform that night. I think the difference between us is that I look like somebody's son. Do you know what I mean? Like, I look too adorable to accept, not accept the rules. Yeah. I don't know oh man i agree that's

gotta stop i'm i'm behind you on that one i should have something else anyway you know give us another one you got another one yeah my other one was uh oh god this sucks it was gonna be uh restaurants with music that's too loud but that's sure stupid that's like everyone thinks about that um one second russell you got one yeah i got one um okay airports this guy stopped um when people are boarding there's people they line up their main cabin three and they're lined up just waiting there and and you're like they just called first class what are you doing why is everyone lining up you're gonna have to wait so long and and yesterday i was main cabin one and uh they were calling they call like 17 things before main cabin one now but whatever so they're calling like four or five things and they're gonna

they're about to call me in cabin one because you can see it on the thing and so i go up to get in this giant line and i'm talking to i talking to the people in front of me. They're like, we're main cabin three. Why are you waiting here? I just don't understand the rush to get on. Here it is. Here's the reason there's a rush. Because part of you is like, we're all going to get on.

Let's just do it. The problem is they don't have enough overhead space. So the reason all these people start getting stressed, they're like, I need to get on there so I get overhead. Meanwhile, you've got to put it over other people's chairs because yours is taken for some reason somehow. And these airlines are not being held accountable. I know, I know. What do you mean you don't have enough overhead space?

I know, they never do. You're talking about getting off the plane, right? No, no, no. No, that's annoying too. Where they go main cabin one, main cabin two. In the beginning, people are all waiting like at the to go on and you're like but we there's like 17 like things that are going to be called before you so why are you in the way like waiting in the way sometimes i feel like i time it right though and i get in line and by the time i get there i know it'll be time for main cabin three so but doesn't

it feel good sometimes i like to look at people's tickets and look at their boarding position and if i know i'm ahead of them i'll go up to them and say what's your number i know what's your number and i say looks like i got front i got mad because this woman ahead of me she was main cabin two she scanned her thing they didn't say to her actually you're you haven't been called yet we got what do you you if that's your job you gotta send her back i've been turned away and it's humiliating me too it's very humiliating why do you have that water bottle with you put that out i love that that's gonna be my thing now anyways um yeah i just i you know it is stressful and that that's the other thing build planes that can fly that can fly two bags like it's just a crazy thing that what happened where we used to be able to fit bags and

now we can't what's going on and the seats there's no room underneath anymore like there's such a teeny itty bitty little bit of uh under seat room wouldn't it be funny after this they made an announcement guy who complained about boeing airplane killed himself after spotify recording i walked by my seat i it was a nightmare i walked by my seat and it was like i realized four rows oh my god what have i done here and you know it's so crowded and i'm big you walk too far i walk too far oh and then i'm like i'm like i'm sorry i'm back there and i saw everyone's they were like they're like it's too late for you you have to like live in the bathroom in the back like they're like you can't go back and they would they would be like this like you know how small

those aisles are this woman she just goes like that and i'm like ma'am she wanted she ma'am how we're gonna like we're gonna fully fuck for me she wanted you back she wanted you back just like you're rubbing it because you're like like she's not making any attempt i'm like we all have to back up she just was like this there's no way we get by without fully like pulling her pants down um page two of this guy stop yo um this has got to stop this is a this is a wild one for me i gotta say um this has got to stop people policing how you shave your vagina who's doing that to you who are these officers it might be like a like an ad for like a razor or something or like you were just somehow it comes up in conversation and people will say when you shave your vagina it makes you look like a child which therefore makes you look like a

pedophile or like makes the person who's having intercourse with you look like a pedophile oh my god they want you to wax what no no like if you're just clean shaven at all like it give they're saying that it makes you look like a a child a hairless vagina. Does that make sense? Does that make sense? I thought that... Yeah, okay. And then people argue to leave it natural or to have a landing strip or something or to have some kind of hair down there.

No one has fun with it. No one does a fade. Do you know what I mean? Koba does the Hasidic curl. Just one? Just one. Just one. Yeah. So this is like... but there's not an ad it's like people being like how dare you or your guy's gross yeah yeah

exactly because and they're bringing like the pedophilia thing into the conversation which i think makes it worse um but like nobody was talking about children's private parts to begin with like that's you're the one who made it weird so many times in pedophilia things are mentioned But like nobody was talking about children's private parts to begin with. Like you're the one who made it weird. So many times when pedophilia things are mentioned, you're like, why is this where your head's at? Right. You should be more, you should be weirded out to express that you were brought to pedophilia. Yeah.

Same thing with that Emma Stone movie where everyone goes like, so a baby's brain got put into an adult. I guess that's like, and you're you're like okay shut the fuck up i get so irritated when people like adults watch movies and they're like this isn't a parable about being good yeah and everyone isn't good in the movie i'm like yeah that's the point yeah do you like if i i don't know what it is where like adults need movies where there's a happy ending and everyone is normal and fine. And it's, you know, it's like a kid's show or something. You're 30 years old. Yeah. Who cares?

It's not real. Yeah. I don't know. I agree. That's what this has got to stop. That's what this has got to stop. That's my thing instead of the water bottle thing, which no one liked. No, we did.

No, no one liked, and it doesn't happen to anyone but me. No, it's just a strange thing we've never heard happen to anyone. Yeah, but it specifically happens to me over and over. Kind of a running joke. And you have a list. I have a long list. Fuck, yeah, but none of them are. Fuck, I should have looked.

So mine are shaving the puss enough what are you a fucking pedophile oh my god i would love to get extensions and cornrows do you know what i mean yeah just something charming okay mine mine it's it's not the most exciting one but it's this has got to stop they they have loading bars and loading circles and And, you know, so it loads up to 80% and you're like, oh, we're moving along. And then it like stops at 80% and just holds. And I'm like, the whole point of this bar was for me to get a sense of how long this shit was going to take.

So if it just stops at 80, what's the point of the loading bar at all? You have a loading bar that consistently stops at 80? I know what you mean. Like sometimes it goes really, really fast to 80 and then consistently stops at 80 i know what you mean like sometimes it goes really really fast to 80 and then just stops at 80 and then it's there for so long yeah that you're like is it done you went so quick and you don't know whether to like restart it or have you guys ever had to go backwards oh i have it scream and like when you do ticket lines like for like um your ticket master or something google drive they don't even have the bar.

They just have a circle. Google Drive. Google Drive. Google Drive. Google Drive. Google Drive. And then, guys, if I get extra salmon, if I get salmon on a salad, you got to give me a real piece of salmon.

Enough with this little shit. You go to Sweet Green a lot, though, huh? Yeah. Just from this little guy. That's all we have. We don't have the plethora of health food places here in LA. This is the one thing- Do you?

Not in New York? You don't have salads in New York? Not like fast. If you're going to go a sit down kind of thing, you can probably find it more. Yeah. But not like a fast on the go kind of thing. On the go salad. Yeah.

Huh. Yeah. And they've gone down. All of them. They've all gone down. They've all gone down. Sweet green, just salad. Oh, chopped. God forbid. Sweet green did

some shit where like sweet green they took away the ice machine and then they just had a water thing and now there's not even cups and you're like you gotta do it more slowly than this. You're boiling the frog too fast to use a metaphor. You enjoy it. Yeah, yeah. Me as someone who cooks frogs all the fucking time no yeah thank you thank you for saying something um it's 3 39 tell us your blessing and then you you can head out oh my

blessing is restaurants where you could cook the food do you know what i mean like it's like a hot pot or something yeah and and you can like cook the whatever you put it in the pot you get to cook it right in front of you. I think it's great. I love a little activity or whatever. Great for first date. First date, I went to high school. We went to a fondue. There's something called the melting pot.

Yeah. Not culturally. It's a big chain. Just food. And it was so romantic. It was also the first person I ever kissed, so it felt hot. You kissed someone after you ate a fuck ton of cheese? Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah. It was hot. And you feed I ever kissed, so it felt like hot. You kissed someone after you ate a fuck ton of cheese? Mm-hmm.

Oh, yeah. It was hot. And you feed each other with the hot skewers? How old were you? I was the waiter. I was the waiter. Some more cheese, young man. Young man.

Young man. You had to make it gay, huh? A little comedic effect Todd just making it gay that made it funny once again someone just bringing pedophilia into the conversation

you better be shaved kid so that's the lyric by the way my dad I was listening to Eminem when I was like a kid and the lyric he goes it's guilty conscience

and Eminem's he's singing to somebody he goes yo look at that bush does it got hair and my dad ran in the room took out the cd broke it in half threw it in the trash yeah and then the next day he bought me another one because he felt bad wow and he knew my mom he wanted to make sure he was cool with him if he figured out a way to scratch that specific part of the cd like he just gave it a little nick yo look at a bush it better have hair yeah and a lot of hair look at her bush. It better have hair. Yeah, yeah. And a lot of hair. Look at her bush.

Even if she's old enough, there's no hair. That's a little bit of a better mouth. It's natural 19th century hair. Look at her bush. Respectfully. All right. We'll close it up. Avini, tell us where people can find you, and then you can go.

I'm sure you're going to feed your snake. Is that what you're going to do? No, no. She didn't wake up until March. Your snake? Is that what you had to say? No, no. She didn't wake up until March. You can follow me on Instagram, Twitter, and TikTok at V-I-N-N underscore A-Y-Y.

That's V-I-N-N underscore A-Y-Y. You can also watch me on Apple TV Plus' Plutonic. Yeah. Hell yeah. And Star Wars. And a single episode of Star Wars that I'm in for 30 seconds. Yeah. Well, thank you for being here. Thank you guys for 30 seconds. Um, yeah. Well, well,

thank you for being here. Thank you guys. I'll see you around. Take, take care. Take your time. Take your time. Paige,

can you play the blessing music that I forgot? You better count your blessing. I like that thing you're doing where you kind of have a little skip at the beginning of all the music. That's totally intentional. blessing blessings uh uh join the patreon patreon.com slash downside we are growing we every i always think of new patreon ideas what was the one i thought of recently it was something about you something we got we're at 500 we're doing a song oh you were gonna have me do a whole episode in character yes i said if we hit 250 it would be you could you it's exhausting to think of that gonna say if you're screaming for an hour and a half, that seems like a lot. Well, there's more nuance to that character. She has quieter moments.

She has moments where she's horny. That was so funny. Did you see the line that they added for Kateate middleton i was there you were there did it tear down the house yes it did it was so good i uh did you cut what was the old one that you added wasn't there something extra uh i mean that the last kind of thing i i it would i would change that part like kind of once in a while so I'm like how I don't know how much longer I'll do the Kate Middleton thing because I feel like we're getting into a territory where maybe it won't be fun

anymore but it's working now it'd be very funny if you're prepping for the show and you're not checking your phone like Kate Middleton found chopped up in a bag chopped up in a bag and you're like where is Kate where is she but no audience would know either.

But then if it was, you know. Yeah. Yeah. So we'll see, though. Can you imagine if you, in character, I've always thought it's such a great moment. It's before there's some symphony, New York symphony or whatever. And this is pre-phones. And JFK gets shot.

And you hear the conductor or the house manager comes out and goes, ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry to tell you that the president has been shot and he is dead. And then they play the symphony. And can you imagine if, as Rose's mom, you had to announce, ladies and gentlemen, before we continue this production

of Titanic, Kate Milton's dead. Why would we have to announce that? Titanic. I feel like that audience base would care the uh i always think of uh the story someone on twitter probably or somewhere had said like imagining the night that the queen died um the funniest thing being like wicked in the west end it starts with like god knows she's dead it's so funny to think of like finding out and then like that's how that musical starts that is and i like to think that they realized it literally as they were singing the wicked old witch is dead like

incredible incredible yeah um so my blessing speaking of wicked i'll shout it out uh i saw uh natalie ortega yes um uh our our friend chris's a significant other she made her broadway debut as nessa rose huge part for broadway debut i mean like you know some people i mean they do a traditional they get a broadway show but they're not really in it they're understudying one of the parts yeah and then other people like boom talent yeah and uh i agree i got to see her opening night it's incredible how like how all these years later people are still still at Wicked and they're in costumes and they're so excited to be there. Is your blessing Natalie getting the job

or is your blessing Wicked? You're just... Wicked. Steven Schwartz. I was getting to it. No, my blessing was I got to see Natalie's production and there's a green bottle

that Elphaba, like Glinda, finds it and then Elphaba's like, give that to me. And this time,inda finds it and then i was like give that to me and this time she dropped it and it broke and i was like there's no way that's on purpose and i could see behind the scenery like some like i barely trying to reach out behind the scenery and brush it up and then of course after the popular song curtains closed they said all right guys we got a little problem to deal with uh we'll be back and then at the end the bottle is very crucial yeah and i wanted to shout out that bottle broke yeah you can't just have it now you got to improvise the ending yeah but it was uh

it was a moment of like i'm sure it sucks it's annoying but like for me it was like oh cool i saw like a live theater live theater yeah yeah yeah i love a mishap i love when uh because everyone because also there's not a lot of transparency when stuff like that happens which is funny about it yeah like it's like the royal family covering up something where you're like what like just tell us what happens like when shows hold extra longer and during the show and then they have a new actor playing in the second half uh it's kind of like just tell us what happened to that person do you know what i mean well wicked has i mean there's so many broadway legends but like wicked there's one where she i think glinda

throws the broom up and once she missed it so she was just like i'll fly on my own oh and then one where the flying didn't work so she just stayed on the ground for the whole defying gravity i'm sure gravity was winning that one i'm sure I've told this story before on here, but Carrie St. Louis, who did Wicked and did Titanic, she had a really funny story about the Madame Morrible one time forgetting her lines.

Oh my God. And couldn't remember, couldn't remember, the line was something along the lines of like, citizens of Oz, and then talked about the um the witch being the wicked witch of the but the woman couldn't remember and so she said um citizens of wicked that is a bad woman like she just like couldn't remember what the so this one this one

had a mishap too and this is the reason this happens is because it's given to older Broadway people. Yeah. One last run. And she came out and her first line is like, Hello, I'm Madame Morable. And right out the gate, I was like, uh-oh. We got the whole... The name.

The name. The name. What's your blessing? Oh, Chrissy Boy. name the name the name um what's your blessing oh um chrissy boy uh our friend chris um got to i'm staying with him right now in la um in his beautiful apartment and uh it's so good to see him again got a little treat last week because he was in new york uh for natalie's uh broadway debut but it's been so nice to get some time with him and get to see his place out here and get to see his life a little bit out here.

And I'm thankful for that young man. And it's so spacious because his girlfriend is not there. It's a big apartment. I have a big, beautiful guest bedroom. The bed is so comfortable. Can I ask something? Yeah.

No. I know you're going to ask a no. You're not? No! I'm not an animal. I can go two days. Oh, so I'm the Joshua Tree for sure. You're going to be doing it. If I'm not out around you, just assume I'm a monkey in the bedroom masturbating furiously

in that Airbnb. It would be funny if we're all in shrooms, you know, us, because we're all doing shrooms, the four guys. And at some point we're all like, we should probably all try it while we're, you know, seeing if it's any different.

And Paige, what's your blessing? My blessing is everybody that helped me move out from New York to LA, to California. Well, you're welcome. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you so much.

No, I mean, we did go to see Titanic before we left. So that was fun. There was a mishap there. Remember the Cal stand-in? Oh my God. When he fell. He fell off the stage or like off the stairs. Luckily he's okay.

But that was so funny to hear. Yeah. Because he, he was, he, he was like, it's like the song taking chances. And he's like,

um, I forget what the line was, but he's like, uh, uh, I'm just gonna make up a line. Cause I don't remember what it is. He's like the line normally is like,

I just want to hold you now. Something like that. And he was like, I just want, Oh fuck. Oh, no, no. He like, I just want, oh, fuck! No, no. He fell down and goes, live theater, bitch!

And it was like, that's what happened though. But he stumbled down the stairs and was like, oh, oh, oh! In that kind of thing, you know that video of the woman in the wine

and she falls and he's making those kind of, it was reminiscent of that. You're just like, I just wanna, oh, oh, oh! Like, oh, oh, live theater, bitch.

And then everyone kept singing right after that because everyone comes in right after that. And to hear it in the monitor, it was so funny. But he was in a lot of pain. I think what's so funny is that it's okay to do that for Titanic. Yeah. But it was like, sweetie, Todd. Attend the Taylor. Oh, fuck.

Live theater, bitch. His skin was pale and his eye was on. My friends who hadn't seen the show before thought it was like part of the act. No, he very much rolled his ankle and was in a lot of pain. And he was,

he's the swing. So they didn't have, if he, if they had had someone else, I think he would have had them going because he was in a lot of pain. Yeah. But they didn't have if he if they had had someone else i think he would have them going because he was in a lot of pain yeah um but they didn't have anyone else because the other guy was on vacation so it was just like you kind of have to do it and so he was just like kind of like walking around the rest of the show a little slower a little like you know well um one

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