The Downside with Gianmarco Soresi - #197 The Anti-Drug Campaign We Need with Ty Colgate

Episode Date: April 2, 2024

Comedian Ty Colgate joins to share the downsides of doing an April Fool's bit with Gianmarco that caught wind (see Ty's video and Gianmarco's response), talking about schedule 1 drugs, having a cough so bad it triggers your house alarm, knowing a real life Florida Man, why weed is a gateway drug (but only if you’re selling), why dealing is not as glamorous as it seems, and how somehow the only time he got arrested was because of musical theater.  You can watch full video of this episode HERE! Join the Patreon for ad-free episodes, exclusive content, and MORE. Follow Ty on Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, & TikTok See Ty in a city near you: https://www.tycolgate.com/show-dates Follow The Downside with Gianmarco Soresi on Instagram Get tickets to our live podcast recording in NYC on May 13 https://www.showclix.com/event/the-downside-w-gianmarco-soresi OR come to our live podcast recording in LA at Netflix is a Joke Fest on May 3! https://thecomedystore.com/the-downside-with-gianmarco-soresi/ Follow Gianmarco Soresi on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, & YouTube Subscribe to Gianmarco Soresi's email & texting lists Check out Gianmarco Soresi's bi-monthly show in NYC Get tickets to see Gianmarco Soresi in a city near you Watch Gianmarco Soresi's special "Shelf Life" on Amazon Follow Russell Daniels on Twitter & Instagram E-mail the show at [e-mail] Produced by Paige Asachika & Gianmarco Soresi Video edited by Dave Columbo Technical production by Chris Mueller Special Thanks Tovah Silbermann Original music by Douglas Goodhart Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Red One... We're coming at you. ...is the movie event of the holiday season. Santa Claus has been kidnapped? You're gonna help us find him. You can't trust this guy. He's on the list. Is that Naughty Lister? Naughty Lister?

Dwayne Johnson. We got snowmen! Chris Evans. I might just go back to the car. Let's save Christmas. I'm not gonna say that. Say it. Alright.

Let's save Christmas. There it is. Only in theaters November 15th. Hello. Welcome to, we're about to get to our regular episode with Ty Colgate, but I wanted to give a little behind the scenes. Very, very fortunate timing. It was not intentional at all, but we did, it became an April Fool's.

So I'm here with Ty. We're over Zoom, and we did not really talk. I don't know if we mentioned it on the episode, but I wanted to first let people know him being on stage if you haven't seen it yet go to my TikTok I

basically we what happened is there was this comic named what's her name Sarah K Katie K and we talked about it on one of the Patreon episodes but Katie K

released a video where she talked about it on one of the Patreon episodes, but Katie Kay released a video where she talked about a headliner who had been really rude to her and said that he was late and all these things, how she was having a great set and she would know if she was bombing. And he came out and made fun of her. And he promptly made a response video. And obviously he had footage from her performing and just showed that she was not doing great. He wasn't late. He made a couple comments, but it really wasn't that harsh. And it was just a brutal, brutal facepalm. Why would you do this to yourself moment.

Of course. And I was going to be headlining at that same club months later. And I had this idea of, oh, what if I had the comedian opening for me was wearing a very big shirt. And made a video like this where they complained about the headliner being mean and all this stuff. And then I would respond showing the video. And so we did it. We pulled it off. We did. Perfectly too, I think. Big kudos to Ty for doing it. If you're not a performer it's hard to fully grasp how embarrassing it is to walk on stage wearing a 7xl uh kind of brick colored t-shirt a lot of the a lot of the comments were so conservative because like we were like what is that like 4xl and it's like you won't even believe how big this shirt

actually is and and i have to credit you and Liam. I think I always have a mind of doing these kinds of pranks now and then, but I'm like a rule-following boy. And I think you guys made me braver after that show in Tampa where backstage there were a bunch of props and i joked about moses storm uh is a comedian who really like kind of devours the stage he shows pictures he gets on the tables

and i'm like oh that's so cool that's that's a real comedian and i was backstage joking with you guys there was a little bicycle in the in the back oh boca raton not tampa boca raton and um some joke i said what if liam rode across the stage on that bike at this one part and you guys did it liam as i was performing i said the line and he went on stage it didn't the audience was confused i don't think the audience was like haha they were just confused but the fact that that he had that chutzpah and you guys there to like reinforce let's be brave let's let's do something fun um i did have the thought when i saw you in that shirt first let me ask you did you at any point go oh i don't want to do this i think when it was like initially pitched because

i was like i it's like tough because it's like you have to really see the end product to get how it was like going to end up being so when it was just like you're going to wear a giant shirt i was like there's a chance that no one gets what's going on here and for 20 minutes i bomb and then we just have like one really bad show for almost no reason at all. But it ended up being, I think once I saw the shirt, I got it more. And I was very into it because I love taking wild risks.

Yeah. I think it's so much more fun to do it that way. Yeah, I didn't think you were going to bomb. You kept thinking that you were going to go out there and like for 20 minutes, the audience would just like, the whole time they'd just be like, what is he, what is the shirt and i was like i thought oh he'll

because it was it was like they were they were thinking it though because like if you watch the clip you come out and you immediately go like man that was a big ass shirt it crushes so hard because it's at a level of like everyone was thinking it for like 20 minutes and they're just like when is he gonna say it when is he gonna say it um i you know part of it for me is like the moment in the video that i was like this has if this doesn't work none of it works it's just like me talking about it people just write about the moment i talk about the shirt talk about the shirt and then i cut to the actual image and it's so funny it's so it's so jarring it's so absurdly big and it's incredible. It's so jarring. It's so absurdly big. And then when I went on stage to make those jokes,

I was like, I'm going to do it right out the gate. And I didn't know. Because my first line, all I say is like, that shirt is really fucking big. And I didn't know, but it popped. It popped so hard. And when we did that, I was like, we did it, man. We fucking did it.

We got it all. We got the buck wild. We got a lot of nice Easter eggs in there where it wasn't like too on the nose and like too we could have hammed it up too much i think it was nice i think everything landed the way it should have you played it straight and and that's what and and for those uh uh you you should look it up uh katie k and then what's the comedian? Mojo Brooks. Mojo Brooks made this great response video. But one of the other things is that she said before bringing him up, like, let's get buck wild.

And there was a degree of she's white and the room was primarily black audience members. And so people were like, I honestly think that she might say that phrase a lot as she claims but obviously the way it looked is that she was like code switching as a host and just going like let's get buck wild and it just felt wrong of course um so i just wanted to so just so you guys know we're gonna uh ty colgate it's uh follow him first of all we're gonna reveal this tomorrow because some of the comments are going like, stop being a little sissy whiner boy. Oh, dude, your army of theater adults, fucking mean.

They're dedicated. You have a very strong army of children of divorce that will go for the throat if you threaten their idol, John Marcos Arese, even a little bit. Well, let me just pull up some ones here. So my editor for the podcast and a great comedian in his own right, Dave Colombo, I think he said, hey, man, just saw the post about Ty. That's crazy. Him and his wife were both wondering where in the hell he's coming from. Absolutely nuts. I was thinking of making a a response video adding my two cents of what a pleasure it is opening for you but i don't want to blow anything up bigger than it already was if you want it to go away and then about like

10 minutes later goes just realize it's april fool's day let's pretend i knew that all along it's so funny because when you're making it you go honestly like looking at certain things i said oh we lean too hard into that it's too obvious that it's fake but clearly no you made a christopher guest film in like three minutes like people are very bought in people very bite and and like some of them can tell it's fake some of them say it April Fool's, but it's mixed in with comments of people who fully go, let's just see if there's any here that are really good. And we did it, you know, I told you, like you commented something really serious on the comic.

Bullying is a problem, should always be called out. I had some other people like write, you know, is this about Ty Colgate? Because I want them to see your video, which you acted brilliantly. Some people, sounds like there was a miscommunication between the two of you. Did he say something after the show about how he was offended? Let's see, do you have any, because Liam got some too, got some texts about it. Oh yeah, Liam got a friend called uh called me

a twat hold on let me see if i can find the exact one which was just beautiful this guy was so mad about it it was just like i don't know who that opener was but he seems like a twat amazing um uh let's just see he looks like when my niece slept over and forgot pajamas, so she borrowed my shirt. Let's see. Some people haven't seen the original. So also be sure to follow Ty again, because I feel bad for people who go like, what a wimpy is. Go follow him at Ty Colgate. Let's see. Look, the man had choir practice afterwards. It's just efficient. Okay, this shirt is asking to be roasted. He's literally dressed like Soulja Boy in 2007. Yeah, I was just... And I honestly, I had a nervous thought before we posted.

I was like, what if this backfires? Your video goes viral. My response, they think it's – they go, yo, you are a jerk. I had this moment of like what if I get myself canceled with my own prank and they take your side? Oh. People – the people who heard the buck wild and knew – that's where they realized it was fake. Someone said you sound like David Schwimmer. There was one hot granny I think was the name of the count.

And whoever that is was going like commenting to everyone, it reached anyone because like it is a 300 comment battlefield of people just arguing with each other if it's a parody if it's not a parody uh the shirt's too big to be ripped to shreds that was a hilarious comment yeah i'm just shocked he didn't address the shirt himself because he had to know everyone was thinking it. I wear big t-shirts as dresses, but never with skinny jeans. Oh, not we Willy Winky upset you made fun of his night shirt. Man, oh man. That's so funny.

I had a friend come to that show too, and he didn't know it was a bit. I even texted him before. I was like, hey, just please ignore the shirt. And he thought like, he's like, oh, that's just ties. Like that's kind of his thing now. He's like the big shirt guy. So for those of you listening, I keep listening to the episode. I promise the audio is going to get nice and smooth. We had Ty Colgate on, who I'm speaking with now. Follow him online. We talked more about

drug dealing than we did this particular prank. He rage baited you and a coattailing off your success. A comic being offended by this just means he is not a real comic. You hear that? Not a real. It's very fun when people, in my experience, when people online get mad at you for something that clearly they misunderstood

because you know it's not, you get to really see them uh concoct their own thing and you just realize how easy it is to be fooled on the internet you know and i think people do get mad there's going to be a degree of people that get mad when they realize it's a parody and they committed so much emotional energy so i think some people are going to double down man he is a comedian but he couldn't take a. Was this a shirt or a muumuu? He's trying to bring back tunics. Go check it out.

I was very happy. And Ty, you are immense. You are my after-the-fact blessing for doing this. It was a blast. And I feel like this is going to have to be an annual tradition of an April Fool's. And only my listeners will know that it's fake because people fall for shit on the internet. I'm happy to go down like Andy Kaufman. You know what I mean?

You remember the whole wrestling women that no one knew that was a bit until after he died like 20 years later? That could have been our Andy Kaufman moment. We could have just held on to this. And that's the thing. Andy Kaufman had to deal with the fact that there were people, there were women, women probably spit at him. And they said, you're an evil monster. He got slapped in late night. This could have been our moment. I could have had theater

adults and all, you know, the whole John Marco Ceresi downside army coming after me for the rest of my life. So go check out the video. It's on my TikTok, at John Marco Ceresi. Feel free to leave a comment like it's real. But also go to Ty's page and leave some nice comments

because I'm sure some people have been like, yo, bro, Jamarco has the receipts. Your shirt is insane. Real comedians should take a joke. I haven't even opened the DMs. I'm sure it is just filled with all kinds of crazy, crazy accusations. He wore that shirt knowing you would have to comment. He's creating drama for attention.

That's a one-piece miniskirt without the belt. If you see any more, send them to me. We'll post it. Thank you, Ty. I'm very grateful. And please enjoy this episode of The Downside. One, two, of The Downside. One, two, three.

Downside. You're listening to The Downside. The Downside. With Gianmarco Ceresi. Someone told me you said you did. Oh no, I did acid like, and we can start recording whenever you're good. I did acid like a month ago. Okay.

Yeah. You didn't say that for Joshua Tree. Where did you do acid at? Just like a girlfriend's friend's upstate place. Nice house. Okay, yeah. But acid was a ride. Okay, how did you like it?

I liked it a lot But I feel like the last two hours My jaw was clenching it really hard Very intense yeah I was like real flat the next day I will do it again But I need to like I will do it in a year Right

Shrooms I think I will microdose more occasionally now I got these gummies now They're very easy Yeah And I think the next microdose more occasionally now I got these gummies now They're very easy Yeah And I think the next time I do shrooms I'm going five grams Balls to the wall

Balls to the wall And I want You know what? I want the shroom I want to eat the thing Yeah I want to feel You haven't eaten the actual mushroom yet?

I did chocolates And then this time I did gummies and chocolates You can measure them out though Like I have a friend who's a big shrooms guy And you get a cup and a little scale And you can measure it out so you know You have a friend who's a big shrooms guy and you get a cup and a little scale and you can measure it out so you know you're not doing too much.

Sure. That's the problem because shrooms, especially like the penis envy ones, like the different strands, like they will launch you. Wait, what's the danger

of launching someone into too far into shrooms? The norm, well, just like any psychedelic, you get too high, you're barely functioning, you're like,

almost like groveling like an infant. You know what I mean? Your capacities to think start kind of getting away from you because you're just in an altered state. I want to get close to there, though. That's good. And that's what I want the next one to be. See, I felt the launch.

I felt that within the first 30 minutes. How do you describe it? I was like, whoa. And then I had like a half an hour to an hour period where I was very high. felt that within the first 30 minutes how you describe it we go i was like whoa like and then i had like a half an hour to an hour period where i was very high um and then after that it was kind of like you know you'd add a gummy here and there to try to maintain like a high but it didn't it was the initial thing that was the most like whoa and that was that that lasted probably 30 minutes to an hour where i felt super high do

you think you'll you'll do it again i don't know here's the thing yeah but i also think that um i kind of liked the later portion where i was just kind of like maintaining like a high but then that kind of felt like how you feel when you feel normal high and i think with all things where i'm getting high i i like doing it for a little bit and then either going to bed and being done with the day or not. Because I get anxious when I'm like, okay, waiting for the high to be done. I'm like, okay, I'm done with this now. Sure. Or wondering when it'll stop.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you a big shrooms guy? Yeah. Yeah. I have a friend that he's very into shrooms. He's in a state's like almost legal now. And so he has like a lot of friends that like work on like mushroom farms. Sure.

So he gets like a lot of them. And I want to say there was these ones we got that like were almost blue in the middle. Like when you ground them up, they were kind of bluish. And it'd be like kind of that typical woe feeling. You're like, okay, yeah. And you get used to like the kind of the stages of like getting high off of a shroom you know it's at a launch but like the thing with like and i think they're penis envies uh i might be wrong because i'm not the biggest dork about it but you just kept getting higher and it just kept getting to a point where it was like oh i'm I'm too high. Like, this is uncomfortable now. And I took an amount where I thought

I could go through my day. I had things to do. Like, I'm at that point where I like to microdose and I'll get through my day. Like, I'll do like a quarter tab of acid. Sure. That's a very small amount. That's still, go about your day.

That's a cup of coffee. Go about your day. Yes, you can. I was in the bathroom and there were fruit wallpapers and I was like picking the fruit as I was peeing And pee was getting everywhere And Troy was like It was

I could not have done stand up Well, okay, but how much did you do? Tab and a half Yeah, no shit, tab and a half? Yeah, that's like drinking a bottle of whiskey And trying to go through your day Like you're going to be gone. You're done.

Welcome to the drug side. My name is Jamarcus Rezzi. This is now a podcast that documents my very gradual decline into psychedelics that I am doing in my mid-30s. I waited a long time. Do you not wish that you had done a little more earlier in life? No. I actually feel fine. I don't like it that much.

It's not as much of a thing for me. It just is like, I have fun with it. I have some good laughs with it. But I think ultimately, it's just not my choice. I think in college, I would have been cool with some of my different friend groups

over the years to do it once. We all grew closer, not closer, but in our own, it was a new way to experience each other. Yeah all grew closer, not closer, but in our own, it was a new way to experience each other. Yeah. Sucking and fucking.

There was one time, there was one point, by the way, if you want the full thing, this is coming out later. You want the full NC-17. If you want us to, if you want to hear

two white guys be like, and then I was a little higher, and then I was a little less high, and then I was a little higher, and then I was a little less high, and then I was like, whoa, but then I was fine. You can get it all. This is coming out after the fact, but on the Patreon, Russell and I are recording an episode

right after this, just the two of us, patreon.com slash downside. I want to go into one thing before we go formally into, with our guest, comedian, stand-up comedian, Ty Colgate, is this one moment that I wrote down. I tried to write down stuff this time. A lot

of tough notes. Did you read them over the next day? I tried to do what you were... Remember, you were writing stuff down. This is what I'm going to bring up. You say it, though. John Marco was writing things down that he thought was funny. He'd be like...

He was on shrooms. I thought we were going to initially, and then I got around to it, but I thought we were going to be on shrooms and we were going to listen to music and maybe just dance around. We did do that, some of that. We did do a lot of that. I love that John Marco is such a workaholic. John Marco was like, I want to use it to come up with funny ideas.

So he's writing things down every now and then that's making people laugh like anything that the group were laughing at you know he's a he'll kind of riff on it so i was and when i get high i get really quiet and very insular and very like um i'm just in my head a lot and so i was like let me think of something funny and i was trying so hard i was trying so hard to think of something funny. I was trying so hard. I was trying so hard to think of something funny. I was looking at my three friends and the only thing I could think of

and it was making me laugh was picturing the three of them crying at my funeral. This is The Downside. You're listening to The Downside. The Downside. With Gianmarco Ceresi. This is The Downside.

It was really making me laugh, though. It was making me laugh. Why? Was our faces funny? You were so sad. You guys had such sad, dumb faces at my funeral and it was like i was like oh like i just kept looking at us from the casket or on top like heaven no it was like a movie i was like watching from i was not you know um i used to do that as like an actor to get myself to cry not laugh but i would think about people yeah there's a lot going inside there yeah there's a

lot between those ears. Yeah. We all want a Tom Sawyer. Was it Tom Sawyer? Huckleberry Finn? Huckleberry Finn watched his own funeral. Oh. It was a plot point.

He was missing and it was very exciting. Got it. Don't you kind of want to? No, I don't want to watch that. You'd just be laughing. You'd be like, what's that laughing asshole?

I'd be dying of laughter. It'd be funny if you were alive in the air vent but then you died from the laughter we're like so again

I'm going to say patreon.com slash downside another big thing ladies and gentlemen we officially have put the merch on sale

the downside if you're a Debbie Downsider get your shirts if you join the Patreon at the highest level which is $25 a month

you get the code for a free shirt you join the Patreon regular you get a, which is $25 a month, you get the code for a free shirt. You join the Patreon regular, you get a discount code, I think 25% off, or you can just get it at my merch store, Debbie Downsider. So I know Ty very well. Ty

opens for me on the road. Him and Liam Nelson are good buddies. Good. They're the ones doing shrooms and sucking and fucking the way good buddies. Good. They're the ones doing shrooms and sucking and fucking. Yeah. The way we do. I'm going to say that when three guys like us are talking about Schedule 1 drugs,

Bear has failed. There's no way. We have no, none of us look like the guys that should be. Well, you know, it worked for a while for me. You know, I didn't really, I didn't do that much. I didn't even go into pot much until... Well, you said pot, so now we know. Barely. When did you start?

I mean, I had college. I did marijuana in college. Jesus. I did marijuana. I did the dance with the devil's lettuce. But then it's just very here and there now. Now a little more with edibles because I kind of use them if I need to sleep.

I can get the right kind and it helps me sleep. Yeah, it's a real urge. I really have it because I'm not a huge drinker. And so I always want my friends to do more pot. Instruments now. Okay. And then Molly's the next one on my list. So you're the bad influence of the group?

Yeah, but I've hit my roof. For me to be the, like, the one being like, come on, let's go further, guys. That's crazy.

Like, I wish I could go back to eighth grade me who said drugs are bad. He had, he was eating these mushroom chocolates. He had black teeth

from these mushroom chocolates and he was just like yelling at us to eat more and that kind of imagery is what your mom's warning you about which talks about drugs by the way this fun day of doing drugs with always fun with a person in your mid-30s being like do more drugs do more and like um but no he was it was fun um but it was try to make clear for the listeners that this was a fun day in Joshua Tree. I thought about dying. I had so much fun.

No, no, no. There was a second that we weren't going to... So the night before, we can say this part. Oh, yeah. So the night before, we just went to a really nice dinner. And like a barbecue, Joshua Tree. You know, Joshua Tree. And on the way back, we're driving, and we see like a car joshua tree you know joshua tree and uh on the way back we're driving and we see like a car accident on the side of the road and it looks bad looks like

a bad accident flipped flipped car flipped to the side and a big car big big big and we're getting closer you don't know cars i couldn't tell you if it was i mean it was damaged badly too but describe it just like getting high, like big. Big. Whoa. I feel like two kids are describing a day to me right now. We had barbecue and then we saw a big car, big car flipped. And, you know, we assume like, oh, look at that accident. And as we get closer, it's very clear like. No one's there.

Oh, this accident just happened. Just happened. We just missed it. There's no cops and people are crying and looking for each other and yeah and thank i mean truly not a drop of blood no shocking yeah shocking and and we have we see like the first image we see is a mother crawling out of a uh of a car to the side from the side and pulling her baby out oh no it's like horrifying but you guys haven't done anything yet.

We're drunk. We went out to dinner and drinks but we were not the driver the driver was sober. But so we get out

and like our friend Chris is is the good one and so he charts forward right towards the car and we go we gotta go we gotta go close.

So we all we all do that thing that you do in an accident where you're really contributing nothing. Right. But you feel like, well, I should be here just in case. Yeah. Right. And it seems like everyone's fine. And then there's that thought of like, do cars, this is what I wish they taught at schools.

I'm like, okay, do cars explode? Yes. When they're on their side. Gas. We saw gas pouring out. Do they explode like, and we're dead? Yeah. Or like, oh, the car's on fire.

Quick, quick, quick. Like how much warning do I don't know? Yeah. I don't know. But everyone was safe. I had the dumb thought of, because everyone was out, but we were like still kind of there.

I was like, should I sweep up the glass? There was so much glass. I really had like a drunk there. I was like, should I sweep up the glass? There was so much glass. I really had a drunk thought where I was like, what else could we do? If someone has a broom, we could maybe sweep this to the side. That might help the road. You pick up one piece?

You picked it up like, I got this. Yeah, it was a lot of smashed glass, a lot of smashed plastic. Oh, man. And we just thought, I think if we had, do you think that if we had seen a dead body? We wouldn't have done shrooms the next day.

We wouldn't have done shrooms the next day. Even though that's. That would be tough. What I'm feeling existential, shrooms can be very existential. Well, it just depends on how graphic and how, you know, it would have been a real damper on the trip. I'll say that. It's tough.

A corpse at the beginning of the trip. Corpse. Yeah. Tough to the trip. I'll say that. Tough. Corpse at the beginning of the trip. Corpse. Yeah. Tough to bounce back. I mean, yeah. There was all these two families. It would have been rough stuff. And then you weren't there for this, but we went on a hike,

me and the other two guys. And we did a little hike. We didn't want to leave Russ alone too long. And we went, I don't know, five minutes, six minutes, and we noticed there's like some animal shit on the road. Just some things.

And I Google mountain lion. And it's like, I'm reading this out loud as we're walking. Big shit. And then like some paw prints that were cats. They were lions. And I'm reading this thing like, Mountain lions, what to do?

Always be on the lookout on a trail if there's any fresh, big shit. Oh, no. And your three guys who do sketch comedy. You are walking down the street. And I'm reading this out loud, and all three of us immediately go, all right, we're turning around right away. Like, we didn't... These were fresh prints there was like matt there was another thing like a matted sticks on

the side every everything in this thing said you're in danger yeah and they said if you see a mountain lion don't what the fuck who could it be who could it possibly be We'll see if they ring again. There was a ring. They said you don't run. You don't turn around. You just stand. You stand tall together. You sing. They said make loud noises or sing.

What would you guys have sang? I said we would do like an improv music machine. an improv music machine you know where oh jesus fucking christ are we double booked no let me look at my goddamn phone what the fuck is going on here stay here okay um yeah i'll improvise um yeah so they were gone for there i thought they were gonna be gone for multiple hours right and they came right back um now i am glad i didn't go because i think my impulse would have been to immediately run back to the car yeah freak the fuck out um and i didn't know did you look up that thing john marco before you did this i didn't know that there were animals we had to be scared of i thought like walking trails so so i thought we would do like an improv music thing where like,

you know, someone goes up and they go, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. And the other person adds like, beep, beep,

beep, beep, and we would build like an improv thing. So you have a lot of time to do this. Yes. But then when we finish, maybe the lion would kill itself.

Yeah. I was hoping the mountain lion would give us a suggestion we could work off of. Sure. Yeah. But why sing, I wonder? Just because that's a foreign thing to them?

They've never heard that? I think it's just loud. You're imposing. As a theater person, how excited were you that was the advice? Very excited. Yeah. It's very rarely in an emergency, sing. Sing, yeah.

That's nice. I'm trying to think. Okay, so lion, you know the advice is sing. What are you doing right away? Boom. I think, happy birthday. Just happy birthday loudly. Mine's going to be like, fucking hack.

Happy birthday. You're asking me. I'm giving you the truth. I'm not trying to do that. You know, I would do, I would do, in the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion. Oh, it's a lion. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was going to do the whole Lion King.

No, I would have probably done, if immediate, and I had to go, I'd go, because I think it's got to be high. I think it's got to be high. So it'd be like. God on high. You're going to go falsetto. Real light. Yeah, Les Mis.

What are you doing? Lion, go. I don't have singing ability. You're dead. I would be dead. I'd be dead. You're be dead Can you speak sing? Like a rap? Like cake? Like the band Cake?

Yeah or like a rap He's going the distance You see a lion The Chinese chicken You got a drumstick for your brain If you're yelling You know this fact You see a mountain lion and you're alone Are you know if you know this you know this fact this is a true thing you see a mountain lion

you're alone are you going just like ah ah ah no I think I would be like I command you to back up like really authoritative you know

you don't need to say the words though the words are useless to the life yeah but I feel like that sounds like screaming sounds like I'm scared I feel like if I'm speaking

with a foreign tongue to the beast, that it will then maybe have a little more respect for me. Do you have any encounter with a wild animal? No, but my fiance's brother does have a lot of exotic animals. Really? How exotic? Komodo dragons, baby gator, a lot of fish that apparently, I guess, are illegal. I don't know much about the-

Where? In the backyard? In a condo in South Florida. A lot of it. They are being evicted. Apparently, you can't have that in a condo if you weren't aware. Like a gator? Yeah. How big of a condoator What are the rules in Texas?

What did you ask? Florida or Texas? Florida You could go both ways I guess What does a condo mean again? A condo would be like an apartment A Komodo dragon Eat your dogs

So the Komodo dragon was in dogs so the komodo dragon was like in a garage at her uh mom's house or his mom's house yeah is he is he crazy well yeah you have to be a little crazy but no his their their dad got him into it so their dad is very into exotic animals. There's trade shows for them. You saw, what was the thing at the beginning of the pandemic? Tiger King. Yeah, those people exist. And it's not just for tigers.

It's also for reptiles and fish. He has a Kudamundi, I think it's pronounced, but it's a type of monkey from Brazil. And it bites. It's not fun. You've met it. pronounced, but it's a type of monkey from Brazil. And it bites. It's not fun. You've met it. I've met it one time. I did not let it touch me because I... Is it in a cage the whole time or is it...

Oh, no, he's out. He's out. He's kind of like just climbing on people. Not regularly, but I think if you show fear. I think if you stop singing, you get bit all the time. You'll be fine as long as you don't show fear. Wait, what do they keep the gator in? The gator is, I think, a baby,

so it just kind of stays in a small tank. But what is the plan there? Obviously, they're not going to keep it. I don't think they're keeping it. I think he does sell some of these animals. Oh, okay. They have exotic birds, too. I don't know the term for these.

I don't know all their names. I know the kudamandi is this Brazilian monkey thing. It kind of looks like a raccoon. Sounds so cute. I've always wanted to play with a monkey. They are pretty cute. Don't you? I really do.

I also think that when they show people with them and they have them for decades, and I know that they can still be violent, even after decades, and hurt you, but I always, in my head, think that they wouldn't hurt me. You know what I mean? I always think that I would be really. You're the different one.

I'm the different one. You know what's scary? You know what's available? It's the 911 call. No, stop. I don't want to talk about that. I hate when you bring that up because I hate thinking about it. We all know there's a famous one of the person

that had the chimpanzee or whatever gave them, I think like Zoloft or something, Ambien. And then this 911 call, she's like, he tore apart my friend. Tore apart is the word that she used. Whoa. Tore apart. And she's like, kill him, kill him.

And the 911, I'm sure this is what they have to do. But all the 911 operator calls, they always go like, ma'am, calm down. They're so rude. Calm down. They are so rude on 911. Calm down. Calm down. I know. There's never a thing where they're so rude calm down you're like so rude on nine one down calm down i know there's never a thing where like i'm so sorry that happened um like like you're at the end of your shift and you get that call it is a little like it is like the person coming into

the restaurant like right before you close like you're just as you leave you're about to put the headset up and it's like oh last call and it's like, oh, last call. And it's like, okay. What a horrible job. I wonder how much 911 people get paid. I'm sure it's sufficient and they feel good about it. And they retire at a nice age and have a family. And if they get sick later in life,

they're going to be okay. And they won't need to call 911 immediately. And then the person's like, calm down. Calm down. Oh, you got the chimpanzee call? No fair. I'm sure they're all excited. I imagine they have to do that because the thing that they don't seem to answer fast enough is what I want is this.

Okay, someone's coming right now. They're coming right now. Now let's talk. They always go like, calm down. And I hope they've pressed a button by now that says send someone now but they don't give you that they give you that quite yeah someone's on their way and you know hold things are they on their way yeah they're getting to it well they want the address too so you have to like always know where you're at i always have this fear that i have to make a 911 call like i i don't

know i know you're looking at the streets and you're like i don't know streets you know uh sometimes you're on a street and you don't know and you can't see because you're like I don't know. I know. You're looking at the streets and you're like, I don't know streets. Sometimes you're on a street and you don't know and you can't see because you're like, I don't know. I pull out my phone now and look. Sometimes the Uber driver, they go, so where are you going? I'm like, I don't know. I put it in the thing and that's all I know. Whatever that says, that's where I'm going. If I was a 911 operator,

I would like the prank calls. I'd be like, oh, thank God, not an emergency. Do you know what I mean? Waste my time with that. Fill my day with prank calls so'd be like oh thank god not an emergency Do you know what I mean like waste my time with that Fill my day with prank calls So I don't have to experience trauma And horrible things happening in the world Maybe that's why they said calm down They were like oh chimpanzee ripped apart

Your friend and he freds Is your refrigerator running I had a friend once who called 911 At his house. Wait, that's not a big. No, he pranked. Oh, he pranked. We were doing pranks, like calling people.

But then he did 911. And I was like, this is. I remember being like, whoa, whoa, whoa, man. He saw his chance to be the coolest friend in the group. He took it. And I was so stressed. And it was like, he called. And then I ran.

And we were at his house. And then 911 called back, and his parents answered. What was the prank? Did he just say? He didn't plan it out, so he just called, and then it was like 911. Was it your emergency? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he just hung up. Terrible, terrible prank call.

Oh, I know, I know. I mean, do you remember remember You're younger than us but Did you grow up during You kick my dog I mean that was You don't remember that prank called the jerky boys Oh my god it was super famous They called a guy and they said

I think the accent is Yeah but it's definitely I can quote the thing You kick my dog I didn't kick your fucking dog The thing is though I've done enough radio definitely yeah i can quote the thing they go you kick my dog you kick my dog and the person's like i didn't kick your fucking dog the thing is though i've done enough radio uh like i've done work where you are hired as a you send the roses i'll send the roses to lacy and another actor's on the phone like who the fuck is lacy and i go diane diane i uh and'm like, oh, it's all bullshit.

Right. It's all a lie. Yeah, of course. You kick my dog. I bet the chimpanzee lady was fine. It was just an actor. I've seen her face after. What are the views on that?

Is she doing numbers on it? The call? Yeah. Yeah, it got a lot of views on YouTube. God damn it. We could become a prank call. I once did. I called because of the Jerky Boys.

I tried it. I feel bad. I have that because of the Jerky Boys, I tried it. I feel bad. I have that guilty feeling and I don't have the strength. For content or just for fun? Just for fun. This was back when I made comedy, not just to rank my IMDB pro meter.

And I called a Honda thing, like a Honda dealership, and I said, I worked at a zoo and an elephant mistook the car for an elephant and i tried to fuck it from behind and smashed the back and i wanted a refund you called you called yeah how long was there an audience no just myself no love of the game love of the game make comedy for comedy how long did they go on for i i feel i i remembered that one being like

my best work Like it going on Like two and a half minutes That's pretty bold I worked in a call center And even just talking to strangers on the phone Was the most stressful thing in the world to me And the most bold I got with it And obviously it's a work job

So I'm not pranking people But they'd be really rude You're calling people up And it's a call center And one time this person was being so crazy. They were like, nobody by that name lives here. And I go, okay, did I call this? And I gave the number.

And they go, I'm not going to confirm that number for you. And I said, well, then I might call back again. Because I don't know if I called the right number. Maybe I dialed wrong. And she said, well, I'm not going to give you that confirmation. And I go, okay, well, then I might call back. And she goes, well, I will not be confirming today.

And so I was like, okay. So I hung up and I dialed the number again. And she answered right away. And I go, confirmation. I hung up. No. That's so funny.

That's the boast bowl I got because I was like, fuck you. I'm trying to save you time so you don't get another fucking phone course. You were scamming people out of their welfare checks or something? Yeah. You ever call 911? Yeah, recently I had to I just moved to a new place in West Atlanta Which is not the safest part of Atlanta But it's affordable

Those two often go together Yeah, yeah And I was sick And I didn't really We have an alarm system or whatever And I didn't realize it was sound triggered So I guess I had coughed so loud, I triggered this alarm. However, at 2 in the morning, when you live on MLK,

and it's not the worst, but it's enough to be like, I need to be aware. I wake up at 2 in the morning, the alarm's going off. I'm terrified. We're calling the cops. We're like, our bedroom door is closed, so I don't know what's going on on the other side of the house. We call them.

They take like 45 minutes to show up. Eventually, I have a knife. I'm going through the house just to be safe. But we have a basement too. And I'm like, I'm not going down there. Cops finally show up. There are two dudes that are younger than me. Don't really feel great.

But they just come in like whatever. They go down there. Nothing's there. They send us a bill for $100. The police? Yeah. really feel great, but they just come in like, whatever. They go down there. Nothing's there. They send us a bill for a hundred bucks. The police? Yeah, if you call the cops and apparently if there's no one to shoot, you are charged. What? Because we just called them

and there was this... If there's no one to shoot, you're charged? Well, no crime, you know. Oh, sure. I thought you meant... I love that's your impression of the South, right? They're like, wait, if there's no one to shoot, you're charged money? No, if there's no real crime, you wasted their time, and they sent us a bill. That's crazy.

We had to pay $100 because there was nothing going on. And then I found out later that night because I kept trying to clap, and the alarm wouldn't go off. But then I had another cough, and it went off, and I was like, ah, it's a cough. Wait, your cough is setting off your like house alarm? I had like bronchitis at the time. So it was like those kind of like just very aggressive. Were you coughing like, I'm going to rob you. Yeah. Wait.

I'm going to rob you. Was the cough jarring the door open? Like what? No, it's just. Jarring the door open with the sound waves? Wait, what's the alarm for? It's not for like breaking. It's for breaking glass.

So essentially it's like set? It's for breaking glass. So essentially, it's like whatever frequency that is, I'm coughing at the frequency of broken glass, I guess. Wow, okay. You got to get that checked out. That's really bad. Well, I don't have health insurance, so I didn't.

But that did cost me 100 bucks. So I guess maybe urgent care would have cost the same. So we spent the same amount of money no matter what. Fuck. Yes. You said it before,

we'll say it again. Fuck the police yeah um although good for you for having a security system i don't have or maybe i do i don't it doesn't automatically call the cop so we had it at my like when when i was a kid and when that alarm went off and you were alone in the house it was scary fucking terrifying it was scary yeah so scary yeah and if your bedroom door is closed you're just kind of like, do I just like block the door and hope no one gets in? No, that is so scary.

Oh my God. Yeah. My dad had no alarm. He just left all the doors unlocked. And I was like, we don't live in one of these states where like you do that. Yeah. He had my dad in his, like his defense thing. We didn't have it.

We had a BB gun, but it was not for defense. But he had one of those, like an iron stick. And you go like this. You go. And it's like a weapon. A baton? Oh. Yeah, a baton.

But with flair. It's kind of dramatic. It's like a. Yeah. Do British police have that kind of thing, I think? I think theirs is just a solid. It's just like big already. This is like it's small and you.

It was this motion. Yeah. Like in action movies. And they're like sweeping people off their feet with it yeah is that what your dad pictured like he's doing like matrix moves i guess so i i think i would not want to fuck with my dad he's he would be able to not if i fight i'm thinking about my face i'm thinking about oh i don't want to lose a tooth my dad is his well-being is gone. He's just, yeah, head-butting. He's at that stage of his life, it doesn't even matter?

Yeah, I would say that. The Sephora Savings Event is here. World in my hand, I'll take this and that. And that. Ooh, and this. Oh, it's true. Find everything you want on sale at the Sephora Savings Event. It only happens twice a year, and it's on now through November 11th.

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And my stocking's looking good. Shop holiday deals early on Amazon now. So, Ty, we first worked together in Alabama. One of the rougher gigs of my life. One of the rougher headlining gigs of my life. We're in Alabama. Stardome. That's a legendary venue.

Stardome. I guess so. Stardome. This was the one where the guy left during the gun joke and I thought he was getting a gun. Yes. What part of Alabama? It's right out of Birmingham.

Oh, okay. But what is the place? It's- Hoover? Hoover. I think it's in Hoover, Alabama. Just a real- It's the only show I've worked with you where half the people that attended

had to smoke cigarettes outside at some point. I've never worked a show where so many people smoked cigarettes. Sure. I didn't do my Any Theater Kids Here Tonight bit. I didn't even try. But you grew up in Florida. Yeah, South Florida.

South Florida. Yeah. And you've told me some of your life, and it really sounds like when people talk shit about Florida, it sounds like right on the money. I mean, I contributed to some of it. You say Florida's crazy. Like Florida, what part is South Florida?

What did you say? Treasure Coast. So 45 minutes north of West Palm, Port St. Louis area. And, because I know the whole thing with Florida, man, like part of the,

part of the reason Florida has this impression is because there's some law where if you get arrested, it's public information. Like there's something about like, like all the arrests become public information in a way that you can then tabloid people can go grab all the stories. So it's not necessarily reflection like other states have crazy people too, but it's not as easily like immediately accessible to the tabloids. And now it's a meme.

So it's fun to do. Yeah. Yeah. But Florida is also a little crazy. Yes, of course. One example, your sister's husband who collects Komodo dragons. Yeah. If you're going to have a Komodo dragon,

it makes sense to have it in a state like Florida. You need space. You know what I mean? You're not doing that in the Big Apple. Sure. The climate's got to be better for it. Yeah. Everyone uses their space different.

You did a podcast studio. You had a Komodo dragon. That's true. Which is worse. Which was crazier. Which is worse. Komodo dragon, I want to see more than a podcast, really. I mean, that's pretty exciting. That is true. If we had a Komodo dragon, I said to see more than a podcast, really. I mean, that's pretty exciting.

That is true. If we had a Komodo Dragon, I said, today's episode, we're just going to watch the Komodo Dragon. People tune in. A live stream of Komodo Dragon is worth like 10 minutes. Today, Komodo Dragon is just going to eat one of us, and we get to watch it. Yeah.

Is Florida, though, is it a little crazier than other places, at least where you grew up? Or an energy? Yeah, I mean is it a little crazier than other places, at least where you grew up? Or energy? Yeah, I mean, it's tough. Okay. Port St. Lucie is not a very nice part of Florida. It's, like, gentrified a little bit with time. But, like, it's a little bit of a melting pot of, like, the Caribbean.

So you have a little bit of everything there in terms of, like, you know, the Gulf florida all the new yorkers that move down there you have haitian you have jamaican you have everything uh that's not in my opinion crazy i think that's like the interesting part of florida i think that's what gives it culture i think the crazier part is like treasure coast that beach sometimes would get like a shipment of drugs that would just you know be on the beach on the it would just come to shore what do you mean like a shipment like a just coke or bag or like oh a the beach. It would just come to shore. What do you mean? Like a shipping, like a... Just Coke or... A bag or like a... Oh, a box.

A shipping containers would just be on the beach because it fell off a ship that was trying to... How big? Like a fucking, like a big container? Those big shipping containers

fall off all the time. Not the super wide ones, but like, you know, like a big cargo box. And essentially, it would look like something else. Like you would open it and it might look like cereal,

but you open the packaging and it's like... And when the cops get there, or would you sometimes be walking down the beach and be like, oh, my God. Well, these are news stories, so I never saw this personally. Oh, okay.

This is just stuff that did happen. Sure. So that would be... To me, I'm like, that's just unique to Florida. That sounds crazy, but the reality is it's like getting mugged on the subway. It's like that's not... I mean, that's not the craziest thing ever.

You know what I mean? It's a natural occurrence that would happen in a place that has public transit that you're on all the time. So it's like, okay, if you're in a state where most of this comes from South America, it's got to go through Puerto Rico. Then it has to Miami and different – Jacksonville goes up all the coasts, kind of hits all the ports. So it's naturally going to happen. But Miami is a big – I mean Florida is a place that drugs come through end of the day. Of course. Miami is a So it's naturally going to happen. But Miami is a big, like, I mean, Florida is a place that drugs come through, end of the day. Of course. Miami is a city that's birthed from cocaine.

That's the history of Miami. Really? Cocaine is what? Yeah. I mean, if you look at the Cocaine Cowboys documentary, all those high-rises you see was funneled. It was just drug money being funneled through. Banks were to pop up. It was a small town. Like, back in the 50s and 60s, Miami was nothing.

And then cocaine showed up. People realized you could fly into Miami International and they'd have jackets that were filled with cocaine. And then eventually it started to turn into shipping containers. They started to funnel a lot of money through. Sure. That's our next We Can Get Away, by the way.

Miami? Not doing any cocaine. Even if we tested it? No. I hit my ceiling. You are the the way. No. Miami? Lying in cocaine. Not doing any cocaine. Even if we tested it? No. I hit my ceiling. You are the bad guy. Yeah. Yeah, you're the bad friend now.

You're edgy. It's good to try these things. It's good to... What do you mean? It's good to try coke. I have no interest in it. Don't need it. Why would I need to try it?

Because a lot of great art has been made on cocaine. A lot of great art has been made on all sorts of different drugs. Why not explore it? I don't know a lot of great artists in their 40s cocaine. A lot of great art has been made on all sorts of different drugs. Why not explore it? I don't know a lot of great artists in their 40s, 50s, 60s that need cocaine to make art right now.

Freud did it. Was he not a great guy? No, don't get me started. Freud, fuck Freud. Yeah, don't get started. God, Russell, self-analysis, self-reflection. So I have a delicate way to get this, uh, uh, you and drugs. Yes.

Let's talk about it. Yeah. Long history. So, so you just, you told me there was, you went through a period of your life. Yeah. Where you dealt some drugs. Yeah. A little bit.

Uh, and, and, uh, how did it start? Uh, Orlando, Florida. Uh, I was in college. Uh, of course,? Orlando, Florida. I was in college. Of course, Orlando. Where all good drug dealers start. It's a big dream. It really just started with a friend of mine popped back up into my life.

He had kind of lost everything. He moved back from, he was in Seattle or something. He got shot back into Florida. He had nothing to lose. His girlfriend, his long-term girlfriend, broke up with him. And he's like, what if we start selling weed? Which is mostly him wanting to sell weed so he can smoke

for free. That's how a lot of people get started. And this was shortly after my first Christmas living on my own in Orlando. And my dad had given me he didn't know what to give me, so he just gave me $400 for Christmas. He was like, here. There you go. It's the danger of just giving money.

Yeah, it's just no gift. Start a small business. Which, frankly, I'll give advice. Don't do that to a college student. They're going to spend it recklessly. 400 bucks, a Staples gift card. Yeah. That's what you do.

Yeah, there you go. Yes. We got this $400, and I immediately bought a quarter pound. You just knew a dealer because you smoked pot. Yes, but this goes back to an old high school friend of mine. An old high school friend, or really my other friend's friend, he was kind of a little bit bigger in the Treasure Coast area of Florida. He was moving a decent amount of weight,

and he was just nice enough to get us started, go figure. And that's how we started. I want to learn the vocab as we go. So weight, that's a term? Yes, weight. Oh, he's got a lot of weight? Yeah, he's moving weight. He's moving weight.

Quarter pound, we called it a cutie. Other people called it a quop. Quop? A quop. Cutie was just the initials, right? Quarter with QT. How much is a quarter pound? Four ounces. Okay, how much did thatOP? A QWOP. QT was just the initials, right? Quarter with QT. How much is a quarter pound? Four ounces.

Okay. How much did that cost? Oh, my God. Back for us, anywhere between $400 or $500. Sometimes as high as $600. Okay. What's, Jesus, what's an eighth? How many eighths are in a quarter?

How many eighths are in a quarter? Is it two? Yeah. I mean, if there's eight eighths in an ounce, so eight times four is... 32. Boom. I was trying to think where I've buyed... Because these days they get gummies and whatever, so I'm just trying to remember what does this

look like. Yeah. Okay. So, okay. Let me just lay pieces together. And I know we got to use pseudonyms for all this. So, let's say John, your old friend, comes back, says, hey, let's get in the weed game together.

Yeah, I was selling jewelry at the time. I worked at Swarovski. I was a sales associate. It was like, hey, let's be dope boys. That sounded like a cooler job. That sounded fun. Were you making money selling jewelry? Like commission?

No. I was making hourly. I was a key holder, so I had to do all the bullshit of being a manager, but no extra pay. So it was terrible. It was a boring job. It was making hourly. I was a key holder, so I had to do all the bullshit of being a manager, but no extra pay. So it was terrible. It was a boring job. It was not fun. I was at the Orlando outlets.

Why did he want to partner? Why did he want to work with you? Well, I had $400, and he had a severance package from his girlfriend that was like granola bars. It looked like he had a picnic with him when he showed up. We had to share a bed for a while. He had nothing. He was out. He bottomed out.

Zeroed out. Hard. I like that he very much came into your life and you're like, we had to. You're like, this guy really needed you a lot more than you needed him. Of course. At this point, yeah. He was a good friend. He was a good friend.

And he was assuming some of the risk. Yes. Okay. But it sounded cool. It sounded cool to you. It did. It did. And I grew up like I was never the cool kid As you can tell

By my tone of voice If you're listening to the audio But you can see this I got the video too guys Yeah I look like a sitcom dad I'm not a cool guy So I was never like

A rager Like ooh This guy He has to be at the party So it was like an interesting thing That I never got to live While I was in high school And

I never I didn't grow up with really much money I had a single mom When you started Did you you have any fantasy of, I'm going to be rich and women and pools? No, no, no. I'm just doing this as a little side. It was supposed to be a side thing.

It was definitely supposed to be a side thing. It was going to be fun. I was going to be like, oh, I bet I can get to parties. I bet I could meet girls. This is cool. So you and John go to someone else you knew from high school who's moving a lot of weight. He came up to Orlando

because he still lived down in Port St. Louis. He was very boring down there. He would come up to Orlando and the first time he came, John was like freaking out because he came and he had like a gram of cocaine on him plus the weed we were going to do. And he was like, this is crazy.

This is as sketchy as it ever got for us. Are you contacting? What's all the contact? Are you doing text? Yeah, Snapchat, a lot Are you doing text? Yeah. Snapchat. A lot of it. Snapchat? Yeah. God, that's great. Anything digital? The nudes app?

Anything digital feels like, well, all of this is traceable in some degree. Of course, but this is a start, right? So this is before... We can fast forward to that. No, no, no. We'll get there. Okay. One gram at a time yeah oh my god uh so so you you meet him you go to like to his car to a warehouse oh he's staying with us and he says hey we talked over snap no we knew him we knew him eventually we got two people we

didn't know well but when we started you start you start with someone you know. And does he say to you, like, hey, guys, don't – just assume this is all going to be fine. It's not that much stuff. You're going to be able to sell it. Yeah, pathetic weight. Laughable. And so he had a little bit of cocaine, you said? Yes.

And that freaked out your friend because that's – Crazy, yeah. Because the most he's ever done was like he smoked weed. I think at that time I maybe did like a little bit of molly at one point so this was like whoa this is yeah dangerous and but ultimately you do buy the cocaine no no we did not oh you did not i did try it and i failed did you spend all four hundred dollars on the weed yeah okay and how much if you're gonna sell that how much would you have gotten from it? We made $0. You got to charge more.

To get established, we found someone that needed a quarter pound immediately. And I knew for us to get started, we need to undercut other people in the market. So I was really like, I know this person. And they are getting it for like, it was like $420 or something. I was like, we'll sell it to $400. But the reality is we need to immediately move up to half pound. Because as you move up in weight, you're charged less and less. Yes.

Obviously, it's wholesale. So I was like. It's just the same business model as anything else. Yeah. But it was just one person. I mean, you literally just took drugs here and put it there. We weren't good at the beginning. No one said we were good.

Sure, sure, sure. You remember your first open mic? Yeah. Was it hilarious? Well, it was pretty good weren't good at the beginning. No, it's that we were good. Sure, sure, sure. You remember your first open mic? Yeah. Was it hilarious? Well, it was pretty good. The second one was rough. But we sold a quarter pound right away. That's pretty good. Hey, listen. You're a great drug dealer. Don't get me wrong.

No, no, no. We were not. It was definitely a dumb move, but it was just to get started. We immediately got to re-up, which is another term. Re-up. Because we started to find other plugs, which are people that also have which that's another term. Re-up. Because we started to find other plugs, which are people that also have drugs that you can buy. So your Snapchat is just filled

with multiple people, and sometimes they have some, sometimes they don't. The people that my friend had bought small amounts of weed from before he was hitting up and starting to talk bigger numbers. So we eventually got another quarter pound, and since we couldn't, you can't sell a quarter pound immediately. That person didn't sell that fast. So we eventually got another quarter pound. And since we couldn't, you can't sell a quarter pound immediately.

That person didn't sell that fast. So we were selling smaller quantities. So you're selling dubs, which is like little 20 bags. Waste of time, amount of weight. You're selling eighths, quarters, eventually ounces. So now you're starting to make money. Yeah, a lot of cash. Were you getting these little bags off Amazon?

Were you getting your like? Little sandwich bags at first. getting these little bags off amazon where you get your like little sandwich bags at first and uh eventually like once we sort of get to a point where like we're moving so like we have a half pound right you have to move a quarter pound we eventually got a vacuum sealer oh yeah wow you need a vacuum sealer so that way it hides the scent you can hide everything in your trunk yeah you definitely need to hide everything in your trunk yeah uh because it's technically a separate compartment if you're pulled over. And are most people getting your number

and they text you or are you on the street? You're in a busy... You're one of those guys on the street going, weed, weed, weed. It's all word of mouth. We're not like on South Beach

going cocaine, Molly. You know what I mean? We're not doing that. Those people are crazy. I'm like, you're just saying it out loud. Also, they're selling you fentanyl. I mean, that's what's going to happen.

They're not selling you anything real, but no, that's called a hot boy. That was a term in the drug community. I don't know what it is now. A hot boy? Hot boy. Someone that carries a lot of drugs on them to sell in person. Let me tell you, I have some of these people that are

I don't know if the term's appropriate. Not a lot of actual hot boys, but I'm going to be honest. If you have to be a guy with a backpack full of drugs, you're not killing it in life Yeah It's just crazy to think

In New York I remember just being in Times Square As a younger person I'm like there's cops everywhere And you're just I got weed Yeah But the thing

The cops don't care about A lot of times a small amount Yeah It's a fine Yeah It's like maybe At most Like three months in jail

Probation For some offender You're not gonna do a lot When you started doing this Did you like you Google all the punishments to kind of just get a sense of how deep you were going to get? I didn't realize how deep we were going to get. Here's the thing.

When people say weed is a gateway drug, they always assume it's from the user perspective, but I know a lot of people that just smoke weed, stick to weed, right? But weed is definitely a gateway drug if you sell it. Because eventually you start seeing profit margins and you start understanding, oh, well, weed's not really like that much margins. You make a little bit more selling oil carts or edibles or you slowly escalate.

Because your stomach for risk really gets large as you stay in it. You start realizing like, oh, the people that are getting popped aren't me. And the people that get popped are doing way bigger weight than what I'm doing. And you always have a way to justify it. So to me, I think weed ends up being more of that gateway for you when you're selling it. Because you start going like, this isn't that big of a deal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Okay, so what was the next big step in this business? So we get to like a half pound. And then, I mean, now they're everywhere. But like at the time in orlando the the carts you know like little gram oil carts you can smoke that everyone has now yeah those weren't like super big back in like i don't know whatever year this this is between 2010 2020 so they weren't like super big and we bought like 50 of those and they sold very fast okay what does 50 of those cost i don't remember what they cost for us.

I remember we would sell them for like anywhere between $30 to $50 a cart. Okay. Depending on our relationship with you. Sure. That was like the next big thing was doing that. And at this point, how much are you making a week probably from this? Probably a couple thousand because like weed doesn't have high margins but the carts did so that was pushing us up a little bit more and you're 18 20 20 time

and it's all good cash yeah all cash had a fake id so it was like this is fun doing that with like like bank like you're nothing's going in the bank like what like you can't so essentially if you're uh i like this this is going to turn into a how-to. Sure. But it's like a dated how-to. I mean, I feel like this kind of business moves fast. A lot of this has definitely changed. But something tells me that a lot of people that listen to this podcast

are going to be like, no, it's actually like this now. Sure. I don't think we have that demo. But in case you want to get started, if you're going to deposit money, a lot of times your birthday or Christmas is going to be the best because you can always go like, oh, I got $1,000 from a family member. You can now put it in.

We didn't do that. We were college kids. We didn't care about what our bank accounts looked like. So we just had like a chest with like a big lock on it. We both had keys to it. We had glass jars filled with different strains of weed. And we had like a little bag that was almost like a goofy cartoon robber bag filled with cash. You trusted each other where it's all going in the same chest.

Yes, but this is where I'm a huge dork. So I made a spreadsheet eventually because I started to realize it's hard to account for everything coming in and out. Sure. So I made a spreadsheet that broke everything down to the gram, the dot, like what we spent on it, what our projected margins were, and it would update for the weekly and the monthly. You sound like a very good drug dealer. I mean, like responsible.

Yeah. I mean, definitely more than what you would get than your typical drug dealer that was just like, whatever. I paid this amount. I'm probably going to make this amount. So now we're keeping track of it. So you really couldn't rip us off. We did get $1,000 stolen from us from a friend that stayed with us. It was very easy to find out

because the numbers just didn't match up. As you're growing, you can go to these dealers and be like, hey, we moved this pretty fast. You pay them up front, right? We did, but a lot of the people we dealt with, we started to get people involved in dealing that probably shouldn't have been involved.

Like my ex-girlfriend started to move a quarter pound for me. Like that's just, I mean, you just convince people. So you give it to them on. Listen, I know what it's like to bring your friends into your professional life. Of course. Oh yeah. We're kind of in the same boat. Are you talking about me?

Yeah. I'm talking about a lot of my friends. So that's what we, that's what I did. Cause it was like, uh, and you do that on consignment. boat you're talking about me yeah i'm talking about a lot of my friends so and everyone so that's what we that's what i did because it was like uh and you do that on consignment so what i do is i'd be like here's a quarter pound and like a week or two i need like six hundred dollars and they would come back and they'd give you six hundred to give them another quarter pound were you ever in a position where someone that you're friends with is like i don't have it like like yeah where then you're like wait what do I, am I suddenly breaking a knee? What was that like?

That happened only one time. And I just yell. We were just mad. Would you yell? I was very mad. I was very mad. You didn't threaten. You just said, get the fucking.

What's the relationship? It's like you jumped to the knee. What's the relationship for the person? Right away, someone comes up and says, hey, man. And you're like, like boom right in the knee we used your dad's baton actually broke their legs

no we just yelled you know you call them names I was just mad it wasn't like any real threats

there wasn't like I didn't set a gun on people like well we need to figure this out it wasn't like that it was just more of like you know us and like you're gonna ruin this friendship so yeah like we could stomach the loss this is really gonna hurt our relationship yeah if you don't give me the

money for the drugs yeah it was very polite it's always polite we always had the most respect yeah no it was just like you call him a pussy or a bitch and you're mad and you're screaming i can't like i don't have that in me today. I was like half drunk when I was doing it because that's what it was. You were like half the time, you were just, I don't know, you partied all the time. Sure, because you had the money. Of course, it was a good time. You party, you go back to the Excel sheet.

Okay, I bought three margaritas tonight. Yes. A little bit drunk. And then you write it off. Okay, so next level. So it's it off. Okay. So next level. So it's moving up. Yes. Is there a bigger success or is the downfall already here?

Well, there was a... We did. The first time we ever bought a pound of weed, which can be called a pillow, if you want to learn the terms. Pillow. I like that. We have the terms pop up on the screen. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A pillow because it looks like a pillow.

terms pop up on the screen yeah yeah yeah uh a pillow because it looks like a pillow uh i was such a fucking moron that i went to buy it by myself and i came back and waited out and it was still a half pound and i thought texting a guy like hey man this isn't a pound was gonna do something never heard from this guy again we lost a decent chunk of money what should you have done wait it right then and there i mean if you really don't trust someone you should but we had dealt with them. I didn't think this guy was going to fucking disappear, so I came back. You knew what half a pound looked like, did you not?

I did, but I was like, hold on. Certain strains are heavier than others. They don't all weigh the same. Oh, okay. But it's still dumb. Even half a pound weighs half a pound, no matter what the strain is. Oh, no.

That's like someone asks you, what weighs more, a ton of iron or a ton of feathers? Yeah. They weigh the same. Good. Right. I led you into that. If I didn't give you

that preface, you would have said like the iron for sure. It was a big day for me. You remember when you were a kid and you were like,

iron. Iron blew your mind. Holy shit. It was baby's first pound. I was excited. I was excited. I'm pretty good. How much of a loss

is that? Sorry. Probably like $800 to $1,000. It sucked. Yeah. I'm pretty good. How much have I lost of that? Sorry. Probably like $800 to $1,000. It sucked. Yeah. I'm pretty good because of all the travel. I really have a sense of like, this bag's over 50.

Really? That's when the bag's like, over 50. 50 pounds? Over 50 pounds, because that's when it costs more for an airline. Well, we needed you back then. Sure, if you got 50 pounds,

we'd be like, this is not going on the airplane. Okay. That sucked. We eventually got back to a pound. So we're now, we have a pound. Was your friend mad? Did he go, what the fuck, Ty?

No, he kind of understood. I was there by myself. I had to do it by myself. We just tried to get a hold of this guy, and it did not work, and it sucked. This guy's now a realtor, I found out. Oh. So it worked out for him.

Where are you meeting these people? Sorry, I'll let you finish this, but their houses, public. How can our listeners find the people? So my friend came up

with a pretty good strategy. So what he would do is he'd buy a dub from someone, which is like a little 20 bag. A 20 bag, yeah. And they would show up and sell him a 20 bag and then he's like,

all right, so what can you do for like half pound? Like immediately escalate it. And they would show up and sell him a 20 bag. And he's like, all right, so what can you do for like half pound? Like immediately escalate it. And if their number was higher than or lower than what we could sell for or whatever, he would be like, oh, I can do that for less. And like he would start building bridges that way, which made sense. You're only spending 20 bucks to build this bridge, yeah.

So a lot of it was coming through that way. A lot of it was like friends of friends. And then a lot of it was convincing people that were just curious about that lifestyle to be like, hey. For a while, we were selling it like it was Amway. It was like, hey, you want supplemental income? Yeah. Sell weed. Because it wasn't enough to pay off your car.

But it was enough to, I don't know, pay off a car bill every month for most people. Sure. We were, I don't know why, I just kept escalating it. I just wanted to. Well, I bought edibles at some point during COVID, and it was clearly like a mom's van. It was messy. There were clearly kids that were there at other times.

And it just very much felt like her selling this edible was like a side hustle, like as a side job. Yeah, we did that too. We made our own in-house because we sort of realized, oh, we had a friend with culinary experience. And she would come over and she would make all the cannabis butter that you needed. That's what you put in like the brownies and all that stuff to give it its dosage. And so we just sort of make it in-house. We got like the actual packaging and we would make 200-300 of those.

What do you tell your parents when they go like, damn, your shoes look nice. Where are you getting this money, Ty? There was not a lot. It was disguised well. I wasn't all of a sudden dressing wildly different. I dressed about the same and I didn't live with them.

They didn't see I was going out all the time and I was doing this and I was doing that. them, so they didn't see, like, I was going out all the time, and I was doing this, and I was doing that. So it was like, that's very easy to disguise. Were women attracted to this drug? They were. That was the most disappointing part. I got zero pussy from selling drugs. Let that be the lesson.

You don't need that. Get a personality. If the teachers told you that in high school, kids. That's a fact. If you sell drugs, you're going to get zero pussy. Yeah. Zero pussy. But also, I have this nasally, head-cold voice, so it's already not the coolest guy selling

drugs. Yeah. It's not like Breaking Bad. I'm not the one who knocks or something. Even then, it's always kind of like the- You have to kind of be the main kingpin. You've got to kind of be the main kingpin, like Scarface. It's not really like

the ones underneath that are that. You're like, you know what I mean? It's kind of like sad until you're... Well, that's what it turns into.

It's like a pyramid scheme. You're always going like, I got to move up, wait, I got to move up, wait, I got to move up. And we did.

I mean, we eventually, you know, we're getting to like a few pounds. We're getting to like a few hundred carts. Edibles, we never did a ton of because they were painting the ass they go bad eventually so yeah like 100 or 200 of those but eventually people are asking about shrooms that's where you start getting ideas for different things because your customers that come over asking for like oh what about this and what

about that i have this festival coming up so it's like uh we started getting the shrooms for a little bit uh we had shrooms for a little bit. And then eventually cocaine, which was the wildest it got. Yeah. Just because it's more money involved, so crazier people? Yes. And on top of that, just like your customers are truly like three in the morning calling you. Like that's when they need you. And they're never in like the best state of mind When they're seeing you

So it's just crazy You kept your phone on because it was worth the money We had a burner Once we moved up to like a pound or something We got a burner Which is like one of those prepaid phones You get from like Walmart Like a track phone

You got that because you were getting more nervous about like Tracing Yeah you don't want this all on your personal Here's my number So we have this track phone And we're paying for all the minutes in cash nervous about like tracing. Yeah, you don't want this all on your personal. Here's my number. Sure. Phone number. Yeah. That's my real name. So we have this track phone and we're paying for all the minutes in cash. You pay for that in cash.

You don't want anything traceable. So we have this little burner. Did you ever get to do it like, all right, sounds good. Throw it in the trash. I wish. See you later. Chuck it. No, we were good.

We were safe. We didn't have to do that. We weren't like calling hits on people. I've always wanted to hang up a phone and throw the phone in the garbage. Throw it off a bridge. That would be great. Instead, it was much nerdier than that. Days of the week, one of us was babysitting the phone.

So it was like, oh, are you free today? You babysit. Because you have to be around the apartment or somewhere. People are going to hit you up and you have to sell whatever they want. And so cocaine, like what's the biggest thing of cocaine you bought? I mean, now we're talking big money. I kept that one lower. Because in the grand scheme of like selling drugs, cocaine is here for most cops. Weed is like here. So that was like maybe a half ounce at most which is still probably too much but a lot and was

this before this whole fentanyl wave like yes so like did you ever get nervous like selling to someone and you were like this dude's gonna die that's why i eventually stopped because like i had someone come over once and they were like, what do you cut this with? And I was like, I don't cut it. I just sell it because I don't want to get involved in all that. Also, I don't want to accidentally kill someone. Sure.

I'm not involved in that. And they're like, oh, well, do you know what's a safe thing we can cut it with? Because we cut it with bacon soda. Do you know if that's okay? And I was like, you're cutting your own. Well, were they saying that because they were selling it? No. They just wanted it to last. They just wanted it to last.

That's the mentality of some coke users. They don't want to run out. So they're cutting it themselves with baking soda. So you hear a story like that and you're like, okay, so these people are not stable. Clearly they're letting a vice dictate... Because you should not... I have a dumb question. I've heard the phrase cutting it.

Right. But what does that actually mean in terms of like... So you're going to weigh it out. And a lot of times, what you're supposed to usually cut it with is like supermanitol. That's what I googled.

Because I was curious. People would always ask me and I was like, whatever. It's easy enough to find. Supermanitol, it's like, I don't know, some additive to food or something. But you're trusting people.

I mean, I don't know. Most drug dealers don't care about that. So they're cutting it with whatever. She wanted to know what was the safest thing to put up her nose, essentially. Got it. So it's like the cocaine plus whatever else just to be listed. Right. So it's like, if I buy an ounce, how do I make this two ounces for myself? Got it. So it's like the cocaine plus whatever else to just to. Right. So it's like, if I buy an ounce,

how do I make this two ounces for myself? Got it. Which is crazy. Yeah. You shouldn't be doing that for yourself. Yeah. But would a lot of drug dealers would do that to sell more? Yeah.

I mean, guaranteed what we were selling was probably cut with something. Sure. But even if you cut it with baking soda, that wouldn't make it more dangerous. No, no, no no it just would give you like a nosebleed that's oh is that is that is that when it bleeds it's because it

was cut with something yeah your nose typically bleed i mean do you really want to get into this it's wild it's yeah we're doing it next year okay no you can do it uh so obviously it's a numbing agent cocaine's usually used for surgery So it'll like numb your nose Which means oxygen is not getting to it Which means like it's easily You know things can attack the skin So the thing that it's cut with Will start attacking the skin

And there's nothing to protect your nose Because you just put cocaine in it So it's like numbed out So essentially it's like breaking your skin down Why in movies do when they do cocaine do they do this? The numbing. It makes your gums feel funny. Why do you want...

You can get a little high from it too, right? It's fun to have numbed gums. Could you just eat it? Cocaine? Yeah. I know you can't eat it. You can eat anything. If you want to look like the craziest guy at the party you can just get a handful

of stuff it's so funny imagine like people doing so pretending they're cool oh cocaine doing the lines of coke with a straw and the one person

that's pretty good sucks it up with the straw but would you get high probably it's going to go through your blood vessels why don't people do it like that

I got a deviant septum that's not probably great for your mouth How many times have you done coke? Also you'd be eating sand It's like eating protein powder Yeah sure

I mix it like creatine in a smoothie I have done coke I believe three times Once It was off a kitchen counter. I was with someone I was dating, and it wasn't good. Did you do the credit card? Well, so the one time I did, so this woman I was, I'm not seeing,

but it was like, we had sex once. We almost did. This was the one where I went down on her. I went to the 7-Eleven to get condoms. I looked at my hands. They were covered in blood. And I was like, oh my God. She was on her period and I didn't know.

And it was the whole thing. So I was like, well, probably not going to do this again. And it wasn't great. I know that's your thing. Blood boy. Blood boy. So then like a month later, she wrote me. She said, hey, I got a 20th of cocaine.

Do you want to come over and do it with me? A 20th of cocaine? A 20th or an eighth. I don't know. It looked like a little mouse sandwich bag. That's how we determined our prices. So if someone said it like that, you double your prices. Yeah, yeah.

Because you know they don't know what they're doing. Yeah. What should she have said? A dib-a-dab? A 20 bag? A 20 bag? Yeah, a 20th of cocaine. A D-bag. what they're doing. Yeah. What should she have said? A dib-a-dab? A 20 bag. A 20 bag? Yeah, a 20th of cocaine. A D-bag.

A D-bag. Yeah. And so I come over, and she's got this little thing, and she's like, I mean, my knowledge of cocaine came from movies, and I felt like you did cocaine,

and it was just like, fuck city, and I was like, I was ready. It was fuck city. Fuck city. Fuck city. And so I went to her place,

elevator opened up in her apartment. She was in just a town. It opened up just directly in? She's rich. Oh, she's rich. And so I went to her place. Elevator opened up in her apartment. She was in just a towel. It opened up just directly in? She's rich. She's rich. Where is this? She was rich. Oh, whoa.

Why didn't this work out? I don't remember. I mean, it just, well, I'll tell you. Yeah, New York. Wow. New York. Wow. Okay.

And she was in a towel. And I was like, oh, my God, this is going to be the best night of my life. And so she had a little bit of cocaine. And she was going to do bumps off her keys and i was like no no no we gotta we gotta do it off we gotta do it like the movies off a mirror and so we're looking around you're like surely you'll have a mirror table we can do it off well she didn't have a mirror the theatrical to the end yeah the only mirror she had was like a big door length like marble frame mirror for your little 20 bag oh my god it was very heavy so we both like

it like she had to like you know call a friend over the towel tighter to be like oh my god we got it over to the the table and then i i poured it out i made the little lines with my chase travel rewards card and um and then the old the highest bill i had was a dollar bill so i rolled it up real tight and we did a lot of lines i think i made the lines like too thin yeah didn't really feel much of anything i mean this was like looking back i'm like this was crazy yeah i would never especially now it's so crazy because it's you know like sure you have no idea where she got it sure but so i i did this cocaine i was starting to feel something, but not – I would not describe it as great. That's not a great drug, truly.

And we started hooking up, and I could not have been softer. Yeah, yeah. Oh, interesting. Was that part of it? Yeah, cocaine dick. Coke dick. Coke dick. Coke dick coke dick coke dick that's another term uh coke dick there was let me tell you i was not moving weight yeah so i was like i was like i was so desperate i felt like this was gonna this tonight was the night

and so i got like enough i got enough to like roll the condom on but it was like it was like putting sheets on a bean bag it was just like god oh wait but then why is it like in like the wolf of wall street starts and he's like he's doing coke out of that woman's butthole do you know what i mean like oh yeah that's what i was planning on doing once the mirror was done i said let's get it out of the butthole chase travel rewards but it was was, and then we like, you know, I got enough, like I shoehorned it in there. Oh my God. This is the anti-drug campaign we need.

Oh God. Yeah, give me to high school. Let me tell them this story. You think you're going to be cool? You're actually going to fail in the bedroom. Just mushing your dick slowly. Just mushing it in. And then like, as we were like making, I would not call this making love. Making love? Did you even finish it? Was it making, I would not call this making love we were making did you even finish or was it like I just give up

no but my heart started beating really fast and so I was like I was like hey let me real quick let me just google has anyone ever died from cocaine let me be scared for the rest of the night let me just be too anxious let me just see the numbers on this

and I was like freaked out hold on. Was this wall you were inside of her? Yeah. Yeah. Like I, I, I,

if I took it back out, it took forever to get back in. I was like, we're already here. Uh, so I'm pretty sure like eventually, uh, there,

there was ejaculation by the end, but like a sad, sad, you know, that sad old thing. end, but like a sad, sad, you know, that sad old thing. And that was, that was the last time I did cocaine.

Yeah. Yeah. Let's see why you stopped. I thought it would be like, I would be, cause I'm insecure. I thought I'd do cocaine. I'd be confident.

And I'd be talking and I'd be like, movies, movies, idea, movie idea. Yeah. I thought, give me a napkin. Let me write a screenplay yeah Aaron

Sorkin that's what I knew move yeah coke yeah so that was my coke he thought you would go over there to have sex and also write a screen yeah I'll write on her asshole I'd write the sequel to Wolf of Wall Street I'm googling

so funny Even cocaine's gotta be productive for you Sounds like she's gonna have a great evening No matter what Give me another line That's the only reason I wanted to do cocaine One more time in a safe Environment

Just to feel It must be fun for some people Of course Were you doing it too? Too much just to feel whatever. It must be fun for some people at some point. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Were you doing it too? Too much, too much. Anchors seem to do it all the time, right? Yeah, I mean, that's the only reason you should sell it, truly.

You were getting high on your own supply. Yeah, but we would always put the cost back in because you had to split everything, so we would at least cover the cost of what we took. So, yes. That's not what Piggy said. He didn't say never get high on your own supply, but you can cover the cost as long we took. That's not what Piggy said. He didn't say, never get high on your own supply, but you can cover the cost

as long as you have an Excel spreadsheet and it could be fine. If Piggy was more careful, he'd be here today. I'm kidding. It's true. That is true, actually. We would just cover the cost because we'd have to split everything,

but the thing is, they're not like a crazy amount, like a healthy amount. Not like, there was only like a couple times, because our friend from Port St. Louis would come up, and he would party way too hard. He was the one that was like the driving force behind it. I remember he freaked a girl out because he invited this girl that we knew from high school over. And the way he wanted to impress her was, we all did lines of cocaine. And then he just showed her a Publix bag filled with $10,000 in cash.

She couldn't be more like, you guys are fucking crazy. I'm getting out of here. I had to explain this to him, why that was not a normal thing to do. Yeah, I can see the mail-in. There's nothing more scary than like being like, hey, we're drug dealers.

And also here's random money lying around. Probably no one will come bursting in the door while we're all hanging out. You know what I mean? Like there's, I remember going to a drug dealer. She's in college. Like she has a future in front of her. And it's like, yeah, here's $10,000 in a public spec.

I remember going to a drug dealer's party in college. And I didn't know that that's what we were doing my friends and i and it was i was so scared because i was like hanging out in the kitchen and it was like one of those things where you're like starting to notice things happening around you and you're like oh those people are doing drugs i don't do right there okay that's cool that's not my tribe that's fine you know's fine. That's not my tribe. That's fine. That's just something you've seen before. And then I'll never forget, the door opened to one of the bedrooms, and I could see

the flame on the spoon. And I was like, no! I remember being like, oh, what are you doing here? You're about to die! I was like, it was so scary. And I was like, it was not cool. And I was like, it was not cool.

It was not like, oh. Unfortunately, I've never seen that. You've never seen it? Oh, I saw it one time. And it was truly, the girls were doing coke on a table. And then that door opened, and I saw that spoon with the fire. And I was like, oh. Yeah, that's very freaky.

Daddy's in the wrong place. There's a video on Twitter. It's like like a girl she's partying with people they're like filming themselves like partying and then one guy like takes out a gun like this and you see like she goes like oh like she realizes she is the last place she wants to be yeah of course oh um okay so it still sounds like good is Is this still going good? It's going good. Everything is fine. We're slowly moving up. I think as we're getting towards the end here, we're like probably every other week have to pick up like five pounds of weed.

We're probably moving like two to 300 carts. We eventually dropped the Coke. We needed to. I swear to God, I think I had a sinus infection once a month oh wow it's just out of your own like i don't want me doing i i was so fucking tired of neti pots like i had to keep doing those because i septum or uh deviated septum what is that sinus infection yeah hurts so fucking much yeah like that's the primary thing that causes it yeah and i just had to stop it was not healthy and like the risk was so high so we kind of went back and now we're just moving like lots of weed

or the things were getting out of hand like now it's like tens of thousands of dollars laying around uh the dude i was selling with he had traded some weed for a gun so now we have an unregistered firearm just one? He just wanted it for protection? He just wanted a gun, yeah. So we had a little, I think, like a little.45 snub, like what you would see in, like, a mafia movie. Oh, my God. So I'm like, this is getting a little sketchy.

This is getting out of hand. We still had edibles. We started to move slabs, another term. I don't know. Have you ever done, like, oil? No, but I've heard. What do you mean, like, weed oil? Yeah, like weed oil.

Yeah, but that's what's in those cartridges, right? It is, but people also do it the scary meth way, which is, like, you heat up, like, a metal thing on, like, a bong-looking device. You use, like, a blowtorch, and then you use, like, a piece of glass to scoop up some of the oil, and you melt it and smoke it. Yeah, I prefer the brownies.

Yeah. That is like the one time weed starts feeling too serious. You're kind of like, this is a little meth-y. Yeah. Can you OD on that or is it still just super high? No, but you'll get so high you think you're ODing. You'll be doing the Googles you're doing where it's like, am I dying from oil?

Yeah. We're moving like, I don't know know like a quarter pound of that um you just now you have a i mean this is a lot of money you're talking about yeah it's like yeah we're in like the tens of thousands now uh yeah just cash in a box with a bunch how are you feeling emotionally are you like what am i doing dude or are you like it was fun up until so first off like i'm getting close to like graduating college and I was getting very – it was too much. It was getting to a point where it's like every time we picked up, I'm like, this is a life-changing event. Because if we got pulled over – and we're dealing with people now that are very sketchy.

There was a dude that we – he was like a Middle Eastern dude. And his uncle was like a diplomat or something. So he was never concerned with being caught because like oh i could just they could never arrest me in the united states i'd just be sent back to the country that i'm involved with politically geopolitically yeah yeah yeah and we're getting from him and i'm like you're on somebody's radar though like someone's paying attention to this if it's not the da then it's the fbi because you're like from some other country you're probably some other country.

You're probably... I don't know what his legal status is. I'm like, this isn't going to end well. Good to know when we get killed for airing this episode. When you get drone-striked. Yeah. America, we deserve it.

Just us specifically. Jesus Christ. Okay, you're getting nervous you're like do you ever have a friend who got like you're like oh shit davy got busted i never had so this was only over the course of like two and a half maybe three years uh i was for none of my friends got caught until after i got out at a safe time i remember i told my friend i was like i'm done he's like you know we'll both be done and we'll just split it all up we'll just sell what's left we'll split it up he gave me my half but then he continued selling so then i was like well this is the same amount of risk because like if our apartment gets busted into yeah i still go

to prison at this point not jail at the prison yeah yeah and a crazy prison sentence because it's like yeah i mean you could just stack up all the charges pretty fast. Sure. And so I knew I wanted to move, though. Like, I was moving to Atlanta at this point. I wanted to get out. I was done. I think the biggest thing is, like, I regretted all the time I had put into this because it's like I'd always wanted to do stand-up.

I wanted to work in film. None of this stuff was worked on. So, like, for two or three years, it's like you're tied up in all this yeah and my anxiety i'm so freaked out because it's like we're dealing with like people that are like not even just friends of friends but friends of friends of friends like you're stretching out a lot yeah you're the you're moving only weight like we're not selling like dubs anymore it's a little 20 bags by the end the lowest amount of weight we'd move was a quarter pound that was like the least amount yeah anything less than that we sent them to the people that we moved a quarter pound to yeah if you want a 20 bag then you're gonna buy it from

so-and-so because we're not gonna do that and it started to get very sketchy uh by the time i left i moved out land i think within a year our friend friend in Port St. Lucie, he eventually got popped. I mean, he didn't tell us the full scope of things he was doing, but it was like a shed full of Flocka. I don't know if you guys remember what Flocka was. These are bath salts. So these are the people in our network. That's insane.

Bath salts are illegal? Illegal, yes. People eat people's faces off on them. Yeah, that's like the thing in Miami. We're like a zombie guy. Oh, no, he's passed out bath salts under the nose. Yeah, that's Narcan. You fucking idiot.

I thought bath salts were like, oh, I want a nice bath. This will be fun. Nope. I told you that story, though, right? I didn't know. Again, not a drug guy. I thought when we were saying bath salts that people were actually doing. Going to bed, bath, and beyond, having a good time.

Getting bath salts and doing it somehow. So one time, Nicole was like, she goes, I got great new bath salts for the tub if you want to use them. And so let me tell you, I used them. Then I was like, I got nervous. I was going to like inhale or ingest. And I was like, I was such an idiot. Then later I talked to her and she's like, they're not the same thing.

Like I was like literally taking a bath and being like, can I breathe this in? I was like nervous that I was going to ingest and then be like, then eat my dog's face off. You splash and it goes here and you're like, oh no! I'm a zombie! Get away!

Get away! Right away. I was so scared about it. But no, the bath salts are scary. Do you snort it? I have no idea. I've never... But you eat people's face?

That's a thing? Well, it has happened. People have... Like the zombie guy in Florida. Yeah, we had no idea this was going on. This happened like... I lived in Atlanta for a year and I got popped for that. How long was he in prison for?

Not long. Not long. As long as it probably should have been, I guess. I don't know. I mean, like a shed full of Flocka sounds like a lot of Flocka, I had to guess. This is why you have to eventually stop, though. Like everyone that I was involved with either becomes a realtor or goes to prison. So you don't want to sell drugs, I'm telling you.

Realtor is one of the transfers that a lot of drug dealers do? I have no idea. That was the guy that ripped us off, which I guess says a lot about realtors. A lot of the people we were involved with, if they had not stopped, either have already served time in jail or prison or are actively facing investigations oh god so it always i'll put it like this if they want to get you they're going to just get you eventually yeah i mean it's not i you can't i mean i don't know it was fun but yeah yeah it's definitely not worth the risk no i don't know it seems like you

your story is pretty i mean it's good in the way that you got out yeah which is like it's hard to walk away if you have like a lot of money it's definitely a lot more money than i've ever made in stand-up comedy so i will say that so if you're if it's between comedy or drug dealing weigh your options at the end of the the day, how much did you make? We spent it so fast. Yeah. I'll put it like this. I still have student loan debt, and I sold cocaine.

That's how bad of a drug dealer I was. We spent money, too. That's how bad student debt is. Yeah. That's true. You could be a cocaine dealer. You still got debt. It's still all money. What the fuck?

I don't know. I mean, probably by the end. I mean, maybe, you know, like 20,000, 30,000, but it was spent so fast. Like, none of it was significant money, too. Like, we never, like, saved. Doesn't seem like a lot for your whole drug career. No, no, that's what I'm saying. The profit margins aren't there. Get a real job. Yeah. Get a real

job. Show this to children. I should be, that's a better anti-drug campaign. Whatever fan base we can get. But I will say this, you know what? Of all the things of selling drugs, the most in trouble I ever got

was actually through musical theater. What do you mean? I did theater in high school and I was never, you know, I had no natural talent, obviously. So I couldn't,

I can't sing. And we didn't have money to ever do like dance lessons or anything, but I would always get bit parts in productions. We did a small one. I don't know if you guys have heard of Hairspray. Of course. I played a bunch of bit parts in that.

I had to be the flasher that lived next door. On the last show, I thought it'd be funny if I didn't wear the dancer's belt. But I only showed it to fellow cast, not the audience. Yeah. Not the audience. But you got in trouble for lewd. Well, one of the stage moms

did not find it as funny as we all did. Yeah. And did call the police. Called the police? Called the police. Escalated this. That's the one time the police caught you? Yes. That's the most... I... Three years of drug dealing. What happened to you? Never once. So, essentially, that caught you? Yes. That's the most. Three years of drug dealing. What happened to you?

Never once. So essentially that's like. Hold on. You should have done cocaine before. It would have been so small. No one would have even seen it. Right. I didn't know back then.

I was 16. I was a boy. Did the cops come in the middle of that? If they came in the middle of that musical and they get mixed into the show. Oh, yeah. Because there's cops in that show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got to play one.

And also I had to... That's what you did. You go get disguised. You go, what's going on, copper? Let's get disguised. I was putting my outfit on as the director came in, our drama teacher, was just like, hey, we need to talk. And so I'm like trying to cover it up. But she called the cops. The cops did not show up that day. I just

had to go home. They sent me home. In the middle of the show? In the middle of the show. Oh! The show must go on. I just had to go home. They sent me home. In the middle of the show? In the middle of the show. The show must go on. Couldn't even do the bow. Famously. The show went on without me. That is the saying.

How sad that you're like, oh, you guys could do this without me. That's how I knew acting wasn't for me. That was not replaceable. Oh, you could just do the show without me. Oh, okay. I really thought. knew acting wasn't formal. That was not replaceable. Oh, you could just do the show without me. Oh, okay. Yeah, I really thought me being the cop held this all together. I got to be the cameraman for the news

as well, and I was like, oh, that was replaceable? First, let me just say, good for you. That's a fun prank. We should have room in society for nude pranks now and then. This guy's always wanted to be nude. Only two people saw it, and they were friends of mine. And the mom.

Why did the two people and the mom? Well, to be fair, I had dated her daughter previously, and I think there was a little bit of that. Oh, she. Okay. And so she probably wasn't a fan of me. Yeah. Sure.

We weren't dating currently. But whatever. You still don't call the fucking cops. So she Sure. We weren't dating currently. But whatever. You still don't call the fucking cops. So she called the cops. And then eventually, like, I get a call because I have to investigate it. And, like, you can be. That's a felony. Even as a child, you will become a sex offender.

Yeah. So I did what anyone would do. And I just lied. Because you have to. You said what? You said. I just had a dance about. A new dance about.

And it happened fast. Yeah. And what are you going to do? It's? You said. I just had a dance about. A new dance about. Yeah, it happened fast. Yeah. And what are you going to do? It's a prank. Ever heard of it? Like, was mom going to be like, no, I saw his cock and balls. Let me tell you. They're like, no, you're under arrest.

Yeah. You were staring clearly at this young kid's cock and balls. At a minor. At a minor. At a minor. Well, that's what happens to those kids. These four fucking kids, they had nudes and they sexed and they're 15. So it's like child porn.

Like, it's very stressful to be a parent. You're they're 15 so it's like child porn like it's very stressful to be a parent you're like ah your phone has child porn on it jesus christ yeah you can't be charged for this oh so i yeah that's that's the most in trouble i got so honestly it's almost like good that i fell into drug dealing because honestly i feel like i would turn the normal things into problems eventually yeah wow um and why aren't you nervous about sharing all of this are you is it statute of limitations is it yeah yeah that's what is the rule well oh yeah i mean like you've looked it up like yeah two years is safe well this was back when i was like also uh this all could be entertainment purposes you know what i I mean? This could all just be...

It could all be lies. Yeah. Yeah, you're right. It could all be lies. Maybe when that girl had me over, I was hard as a rock and I fucked her real good.

This was all just a joke for your sake. This was all just a bitch. I'm actually a great lover with a big fat cock. Also, if hairspray is what takes me down now,

I deserve to be fucking taken down. My high school theater career is what fucking finally pops now, I deserve to be fucking taken down. My high school theater career is what fucking finally pops me. I deserve it. Let's go on to our next segment. This has got to stop. This has got to stop.

This has got to stop. And are we recording on this one with the laptop too? Let me just see. I think we're okay though. Oh no, I don't think we started this one all good this is our new producer David not our new producer but film producer

okay here we go good don't worry we're recording in this box this card is fine right yeah okay good fun podcast what

I'm sorry I'm looking at mine this is gonna stop oh yeah this is gonna stop yeah one more time let me just say join the Patreon patreon.com slash downside

we are gonna we're gonna go deeper into all our things, just me and Rusty Boy. But they got the how-to for free. You got the how-to for free. Yes, they got the how-to for free. Yeah. Do you have a This Gotta Stop? Yeah.

What's your This Gotta Stop? If I'm tying it in with my story, and this is for everyone that buys rugs, this is Gotta Stop. The fucking 20 bags, the little dubs, stop. That is such a waste of time. That's a lunch money amount of money yeah please be an adult get a re at least by an eighth or a quarter i hate the 20 bags where people too don't waste their time that's like the worst thing because no one's on time to a drug deal. So you're just waiting for an hour or two to make

20 bucks. Not even really 20 bucks. That's not your margin. It's a pathetic amount. Buy more drugs. I respect your drug dealers. We're people too. I don't know why I'm saying it like I'm still, but they're people too.

They're your friends. They're your community. They're your peers. They're your community. Yeah, they're my... They're your peers. That's my tribe. I like that. Good, Druggie. This has got to stop. You've got to stop. Yeah, this has got to stop.

Okay, so we were at this Airbnb, and great Airbnb, but something I fucking hate is loose outlets where you can't put your charger in, you can't put a phone charger, you can't put your charger in you can't put a phone charger you can't put a computer charger and they just fall out and you're like what what is what is this outlet doing was it always this way was it always loose did it ever serve a purpose and and and like sometimes it feels like it's been designed to not help you and i don't understand how one outlet can be fine and then right above it so because i want to put in my computer and then i want to put in my my cell phone right right next to each other so these two outlets but no this house in both of the things in the room only one of the outlets worked and the other one above or below was loose just slopped down and i said i told you i said

i always thought that like at a starbucks they do this because they don't want you to charge yeah and it's so obnoxious and i have to like angle my backpack magically to hold it in yes you feel like push it up smoosh it yeah but to add at the fucking place no it doesn't make any sense anyways loose chargers this dusty sleigh's's got a great bit about this. What does he say? He talks about the hotel ones where it's like, essentially the bit is just like, who's loosening all these chargers?

Who's making all the, because I think that's everywhere. Almost every hotel, even the nice ones, I don't know what that is. I do love in the hotels where they just have it on the wall, like in between and you're just like there and everything can reach. And it's, oh my God, why? Yeah. If you say it at La Quinta, you'll unplug your phone and the whole fucking lamp comes out.

Yes. It's terrible. My, this has got to stop. We flew together recently. But there's a thing where, listen, I have all the things. I have TSA PreCheck and I have Clear. And sometimes the TSA PreCheck line is shorter, sometimes the Clear line is shorter. But at airports recently, they've designed a new line.

It's TSA PreCheck plus Clear. And I go like, you're going to do this in front of our faces? Like, you're not going to come up with a new thing. You're not going to lie. You're not going to say, hey, we need a new. You're just going to be like, well, now you need, if it's both and it's faster this is unacceptable and what is clear clear is there's a new person who takes your ticket this is a job and they take your ticket with a highlighter and they go boop boop boop and then they go over to someone else it's just like it's just bullshit it's just insane yeah yeah and i i like it in the sense that i get

to uh benefit from it but like this is bad this is the kind of stuff that should cause uh revolutions but instead they do it slowly like a frog boiling in water and so they just oh tsa pre-check and then and then the second thing and then a third thing and i just it's a problem and i hate it and uh it really is so depressing flying like when i think of because i didn't have like i didn't really fly when i was growing up at all and then starting when i went to grad school i'd fly more because i was living in texas and it's just wild to remember what it was like to fly in 2008 to 2010 compared to now. Of course. Wild.

Yeah. Wild. You could, bags, you would fly and be like, oh, there's no one next to me today. Oh, it wasn't, every flight wasn't an emergency where they're like, we have no bags. We have no room. Everyone must check. Like it wasn't always, the fact that they still say, we have a really crowded flight. Shut the fuck up.

It's always crowded. Why are you announcing it? Why are you wasting your breath to say that? Every time? Every time to pretend like you're surprised as a flight attendant that the whole flight has been fully booked to the max and then some. And just don't understand. We don't have enough overhead room. Well, why did you sell the tickets?

Why? Why did you sell the tickets? I can't sell tickets to my shows and go, hey, guys, we're 10 seats short tonight. Well, that's a big fucking problem then. Yeah. And then let me just say this. This is like I just think more and more about I get what happens. You get enough money, and then you don't have to deal with it.

You get a private plane or a private jet. I think before we ban guns, we ban private travel. Because here's the thing. If Taylor Swift had to take the airplane, let me tell you, Boeing's going to get fixed. Planes would be better. Planes would be better. But instead, you get to a certain point, you never have to deal with this shit

and nothing gets fixed. And it's gotten so bad that there's literally pieces of the plane falling off the plane. And the one person who said, this is a problem. He's dead now from suicide. Force everyone to fucking get on the plane. I want to be in the same line as Taylor fucking Swift. Oh, what a madhouse that'd be.

If she wants to make it better, she can send her money and pay more fucking taxes to cover the airlines. It's getting out of control And you know what I promise in the next year One of these Boeings is going to crash And we're going to go Oh this is a problem And then it won't Two planes will crash in the sky

And the news will water it down And then we'll start to get used to it And they'll go yeah a couple planes crash a year What are you going to do This is just the risk of flying. We'll take one bag away from you now so they can have less weight and less blah, blah, blah. What did they say?

They said now if you bring on a neck pillow, that counts as your carry-on. Go kill yourself. Go kill yourself. Go follow the whistleblower's lead and fucking kill yourself. Also, do you know how long it took me to watch the movie Anatomy of a Fall yesterday on Delta?

That movie is two and a half hours. But because of the constant like bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop of Wi-Fi or whatever was happening on that fucking flight, it took me three and a half hours to watch a two and a half hour movie. And it's not like an easy movie where you're just like, oh, it's like, wait, what did she say in French? And I had to rewind a little bit and look at the things. It shouldn't take me three and a half hours to watch a two and a half hour Academy Award winning film. And by the way, I paid for the Wi-Fi $11 for 30 minutes because the full

flight was $39.95. I pay $11 for 30 minutes of Wi-Fi. It doesn't work. I say to the attendant, I say say how do I get my money back They say oh you can go online And have a chat with the person No chat I press a button

And you go my bad And it's back in my bank account Fuck you with the chat You can go online and have a chat With Wi-Fi that doesn't work Oh it was the longest chat of my life So now I'm off the plane And I'm having to be on the plane again

Chatting They're like what flight are you on? They're like, well, I'm not anymore because I didn't have Wi-Fi then, but I had a problem then. It's madness. I know it's lame to complain about flying, but it has gotten so bad. You remember when it was just like spirit was a problem one? No, they're all.

Now Delta. They're all spirit. Delta literally had to ground a plane. All the customers are bad now. Someone was smoking a cigarette and a Delta on the flight well of course the bathroom listen I used to be like people are crazy and you're like of course they are why wouldn't they be this is shit

this isn't like a luxury anymore this isn't a thing they're gonna treat it like it's a greyhound bus if they're gonna charge us yeah it's a greyhound bus it's and and they're and the prices are crazy and so you're like of course people are like what the fuck i don't care i'll fucking smoke here i don't care i'll fucking do meth in the bathroom on the flight i don't fucking care you know oh this has got to stop let's go to our next segment you better count your blessings You better count your blessings.

We had a good drug-filled episode. I'll start. My blessing, I saw Stamptown, and I've been singing its praises ever since. I've always wanted to see Stamptown. Every story you hear is wild, and it's sexy, and it's nudity, and dance, and comedy, and craziness, and I finally saw it in Austin, and it was so good, it was so, it was like, it was clowning in a way that I haven't seen really, especially that I haven't seen like as like an adult, and that's like funny, and in a way that's like funny, at some point they said, are people here in their 20s, and there were some, but it was more like people in their 30s and 40s i was like yes comedy for us comedy for us and it was uh

it was so it was so cool so we're gonna have zach sucker on the podcast soon and we're working on someone else who does stamp town but god damn did i love that fucking show and uh uh you know you do especially doing so much stand-up comedy you end up like the thing you enjoy is something that's very different from your field and I really loved it and I can't wait for Russell to go too so that's my blessing

Stamptown your blessing Stamptown my blessing is our show that we just did in LA for our audiences sold out crowd

great LA crowd very fun fun fun show first sold out live show first sold out live show in la we're gonna be back on may 3rd for another show out in la for another live show take a link in the description um uh and a special shout out to my friend ashley wakeman who lives out in california i haven't her in 10 years. We did high school theater together. We did Fiddler on the Roof. She was Golda.

I was Tevye. And guess what, Patreon members? Ashley is currently in the works on digitizing Russell and Fiddler on the Roof. And I wrote her, I said,

any cost for digitizing, you tell me, I'll pay it. And she said, don't worry about it at all. So we will soon have a full copy of Russell and Fiddler on the Roof. You can bet that's going to be a Patreon episode.

Some capacity. Is the tape she has the one where you fuck up the words? I don't think so. Son of a bitch. We've got to find your other Golda. We'll get them both. We're going to watch two seven-quarters of Russell and Fiddler in middle school.

Ty, you got a blessing. Yes. To fit in with the episode, I'm thankful for the statute of limitations. Yes.

And in case that doesn't work, my future wife, because she won't be able to testify against me. And then just be clear, that's about drugs, because

sometimes that taken out of context could sound awful. That's about the drugs. The drugs. The, could sound awful. You know. Yeah. That's about the drugs. The drugs.

Drug selling. You know. Thanks again for listening. Tell your friends, this is The Downside. Hit that first button. David. David. David.

Downside. All right. Whip out that cocaine. You're listening to The Downside. The Downside. With Gianmarco Cerezi.