The Downside with Gianmarco Soresi - #198 Teaching 9/11 to Maddie Wiener (Patreon Exclusive Excerpt)

Episode Date: April 6, 2024

In the excerpt of this Patreon exclusive episode, comedian Maddie Wiener joins us to share the downsides of not being old enough to remember 9/11 and having your mom drive you to open mics during high school. Watch the rest of the episode exclusively on our Patreon to hear Maddie discuss having your first panic attack in first grade, being atheist since childhood, running your own musical theater program in high school, skipping your prom to do a show, and why you should stop lying about your haters. Join our Patreon for free for 7 days: https://www.patreon.com/downside Follow The Downside with Gianmarco Soresi on Instagram Get tickets to our live podcast recording in NYC on May 13 https://www.showclix.com/event/the-downside-w-gianmarco-soresi OR come to our live podcast recording in LA at Netflix is a Joke Fest on May 3! https://thecomedystore.com/the-downside-with-gianmarco-soresi/ Follow Gianmarco Soresi on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, & YouTube Subscribe to Gianmarco Soresi's email & texting lists Check out Gianmarco Soresi's bi-monthly show in NYC Get tickets to see Gianmarco Soresi in a city near you Watch Gianmarco Soresi's special "Shelf Life" on Amazon Follow Russell Daniels on Twitter & Instagram E-mail the show at [e-mail] Produced by Paige Asachika & Gianmarco Soresi Video edited by Dave Columbo Technical production by Chris Mueller Special Thanks Tovah Silbermann Original music by Douglas Goodhart Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Shop at Sephora today. Limitations apply. Must be a beauty insider. See terms at sephora.com for complete details. dot com slash downside. You can watch this whole thing or listen to this whole thing as well as all our old past Patreon exclusive episodes and all our past live episodes. Patreon dot com slash downside. Enjoy the excerpt. I mean all my grandparents are dead.

When did the last one die? I mean it was my step grandfather. I'm sorry that I was smiling right as you turned around and said that. I was smiling from the thing before. But if you're on the live stream, you could screen grab that and have me be like, atheist smiles

at dad's grandparents. For me, it was dad's dad never met, died before I was born. Yeah, me too. Mom's dad died, I think like lung cancer. He's an intense smoker.

Dad's, my dad's mom, my mom's mom, and then I had a step-grandfather because my dad's dad left and then he died during COVID era.

Okay, now let's everyone name, everyone we know who's died. We'll go around the room. Do you have any grandparents left? No, no, not for a long time. Do you have grandparents left?

Yeah. Okay. About half. Sorry, I also don't remember 9-11. Oh! I guess that's just how, can we curse? What are you talking about?

It's TikTok, I don't know. Look at this goody two-shoes. This doesn't make sense You're a goody two shoes Of course you can fucking curse On the comedy podcast Okay I was gonna say Oh my god

I don't remember 9-11 Because that's how tight My pussy is So yeah I have a lot of grandparents You can't say pussy though That's where we draw On the line

Yeah You're 25 Yeah So 9-11 Quick I was like 2 I was born in 98 98 yeah

She's 2 Oh god What was the Oh my god just said About youth Yeah Okay 1998

You were born in 1998 There's something about It's about like Oh you were born If you were born after 2000 That's where it's really That is even weird to me Where I'm like What what do you what?

1998. Wow. What a what a what a mundane commentary. Wow. Wow. A different time than me. I remember. And the number was different by one.

Wow. Oh, my God. We still have two more years Before Y2K That was a big deal I was in middle school Yeah Oh my god wow Ten years for me

What is it for you? What year were you born? 86? 85 85 Oh wow I've never revealed this on the podcast Yes

So yeah 9-11 Well let me tell you about it It was I was in history class me too every class was history class that day brother I'm going to tell you in a second because I want you to tell a 9-11 thing that you wouldn't tell me.

You can tell now. So I'll just say that when it happened, I was, it was fifth grade or sixth grade or something like that, but I didn't, I think I didn't understand

the world enough to know. I thought bad things happened all the time. So I thought this was just a bad thing. I don't think I realized at that age like what a domestic terrorist attack meant. Yeah. When did you stop

believing in God? When did your idea of the American project kind of crumble? When did you realize this was, imperialism wasn't the exception,

it was actually the rule to this country. See, but I agree in the way. I'm sorry, you were like fucking three years old being like,

Pocahontas actually wasn't a nice tale. I remember being, I had to go to football practice that day and I remember thinking, what would have to happen for football practice to be canceled? Like, what is going on? Why are we here?

I remember thinking like, I guess we want to win the game, but like, come on now. You had a game? No, I had a practice though it was a nor it was a tuesday and we had a friday night game or whatever did you end up doing that game yes oh my god he's a conservative coach being like if you don't get cte the terrorists win yeah but i remember being like why are we running right now like it was just very like why are we doing this today uh so i just remember i realized

how serious it was when i got home and my stepdad who was like a workaholic he had come home and he was watching the news just like this and that's when i knew and then the next day they held school and they acted like it was like most schools canceled but they were like we decided actually we should come together and as a kid you're like come on can we get it we can't get snow days or 9-11 days give me a break yeah and and i remember there was an even younger kid i mean like because it was the school was kindergarten through eighth and it was just like some like little kid and he had two toy planes for some reason he was like making jokes with his friend like and i went up and this is me this is me being I was a little bit of a teacher. It's about to where I went up and I said, that is not funny. And if only I knew that, like in my 30s, I'd be making 9-11 jokes nonstop on stage for people.

What a hypocrite. My God. So you've you've always told me this, this thing. And when we first started the podcast, Russell was like, I don't want to, you know, share anything funny. And now you've opened up. No. Okay. So there's someone that I don't go on as much, but sometimes you go onto Facebook and you see people from your past.

And there's a person every 9-11, she shares the same memory. Okay. And it's this memory. She talks about where she was that day. And it's just like a classroom in upstate New York. And she goes, and I'll never forget that my history teacher is on the phone because his daughter lives in New York,

and she works in the World Trade Center. And so he was desperately trying to figure out if she was still alive. And so she shares this memory every year. And so one year, someone says, what happened to his daughter? And she says, I don't really know, but I just remember that.

And you're like, why are you sharing this story? This is not a story. It's a non-story. Just message the teacher. he's probably still alive be like did your daughter die in 9-11 like like that can't be a meaningful story that you share every year and you don't you have not thought to like look into the ending of the story it's like if you love the movie inception you told everyone you got to see inception and you're like how does it end and like oh i always cut off before the last three minutes but you got it was just crazy how invested I was and I was like was

it or was it not yeah it's wow um yeah and you were just you were just three three just three um so so you were you were a teacher's pet grades. Until like senior year of high school. Because you started stand-up. Yeah, I got a C. No, I started stand-up and I kind of was like, I was like, I'm going to drop out of high school. I'm going to move to New York. Insane idea.

I'm very glad I didn't do that. But the grades did fall off a little bit. How does a goody-two-shoes person get into stand-up? I mean, a field that, like, the trajectory is not, you know, there's so many school things you could do, so many clubs that help for college. Why stand-up? It wasn't really on purpose, but I went to,

I was a big theater kid, and then there was, like, an open mic down the street, like, in the main street of where I grew up. And I was like, oh, let me just like try it for fun and then I met some other comics there who were like, oh, this is a whole thing.

You can go out seven nights a week. You can do it and I was like, yeah, let's do it and I started doing it like seven nights a week and then three-

Right at the gate, seven nights a week in school. And then three months into doing it seven nights a week, you look up and you're like,

oh, I guess I do this now and then I just kind of kept going but one of the guys I met, now we live together and we have a podcast. Like the guy I met at the first open mic, we now live together. So it's like, it kind of just stuck.

How old was he when you met him? Because you were 16. I was 16. He was 18. He was like one of the other only like young kids there. Everyone else was like a divorced dad in their 40s. She was like, he's 65. And we were like, God, we understand each other.

He was 65. And now we live together in his hospice unit. He was 65. And now we live together in his hospice unit. He just really liked me as a 16-year-old. It took an interest. It would be hard. I haven't done a real true open mic in a while.

But if I was doing open mics and there was a 16-year-old there, I wouldn't be mean. But I wouldn't be like, hey wouldn't be like hey people were weirdly nice about it there was there was a guy who was at Caroline's Comedy Club

for a little bit first of all I wouldn't be mean just so you know I just gotta keep my persona for the pod no but it would be weird it would just be unusual

I'd be more uncomfortable about what I could talk about on stage well I was being filthy so I think I burst that right off the... And were they laughing?

Were they like, Jesus Christ? I think there was a little bit of laughing because it was like, that's crazy that you said that a little bit. How, like what kind of filth? Sexual, dark. I'm trying to think of like an early joke that, okay, like one of the first jokes i have was

about how like the kids on leashes like you know people those parents that have their kids on leashes i forget how i tied it together but something about like them being like anti-vax oh i remember what it was it was like all these like anti-vaxxers this is pre-covid obviously all these anti-vaxxers are like super liberal granola whatever just tell them that the vaccine has gluten in it or that it's something about gluten to get them to that it's something about dragging a dead kid on one of those leashes through an airport and to me that was so funny but I think it kind of I think it kind of blew the lid off any of them being like we must protect her innocence they They were like, Jesus Christ, man.

It was a lot of that. I've actually kind of toned down a little bit. That's funny. Come over, they're like, hey, I don't think you can say that. That's really fucked up. It's offensive to who? Kids? I'm a kid.

That's honestly what probably get the anti-vaxxers these days is to remind them, like, the real anti-vaxxers, they're really liberal cucks. They're granola crunching. It is true. them like the real anti-vaxxers they're really liberal cucks yeah yeah it is true there was a real swap uh you why do you think how did you have that dark like did you always have a dark sense of humor yeah yeah but then i think because of the teacher's pet thing it's like i would never do this in a situation where it was like inappropriate or would hurt someone or blah blah but then when there's this environment where it's like I would never do this in a situation where it was like inappropriate or would hurt someone or blah, blah, blah. But then when there's this environment where it's like welcome and even celebrated to do it, it's like this is so much fun. I love doing this.

You know, your mom who is driving you to these. Yeah, my mom would drive me to open my exit and have my driver's license. Did she know? Did she stay and watch? Yes. Actually, one time. OK, no, she's so cool. They've seen like all of it.

And they were just like, they were like, my little angel's doing her, you know, dead kid. They're so sweet. But I remember one time my mom drove me to this open mic. This horrible open mic, like 45 minutes away from our house on a school night. That is great. That is a good mom. That is a good mom. It's a bar that had like slot machines in it. And then it had like three different clocks on the wall that was like Tokyo, Paris, London.

And I was like, no one here is doing like world trading. Like nobody needed to know this. But they were like, we're in. Like I said, these slot machines are like the stock market. It's like, okay. It was all comics. Like five people. And my mom was the only audience member there

other than the bartender. And she was like, I'm just going to bring my laptop and sit in the back and work. And of course, the first- She's like, what time is it in Japan? Good, wow, I had no idea they'd have that here. The only person who could actually use it, she has a real job.

And then the first comic was like, who's this lady in the back? You're pretty hot. And I was like, oh, my poor mom was getting hit on while she was trying to like- So she's really, she's been through my mom has paid her dues my mom is probably the most paid her dues more than any other non-comic who goes to open mics and then doesn't even get on like a bar trail you know what did she did you ever run a joke by her did she ever have any feedback or was she just like you go do your thing i know you'll figure it out she would like give me feedback or she would like it's so it's so cute i have no interesting origin story because

my parents are like oh i like the toothpick joke you know what i mean like they know stuff or they'll were you stabbing a baby in the eye with a toothpick to teach a lesson to global warming denialists no i have a joke about that. My dad, this is true, my dad is on the spectrum. And I have a joke. This is a real thing that he did. I had like spilled toothpicks in the kitchen on accident. And he came in and was like 42.

And I was like, what? He's like, no, I'm fucking with you. I don't know. Which is like so funny. And so I do it on stage. And my dad will call me and be like, how'd my toothpick joke do? Like he loves that he wrote a joke. Like they're adorable.

They're like all about it. Yeah. My girlfriend's dad is on the spectrum, me, and he sends jokes, ideas that are pretty tough to say. They have a real conservative bent to all of them. It's- Conservative and autistic is a fascinating combination. Does autistic lend itself to liberalism in general?

No, I don't think so. I don't know why I said that. Immediately I regretted it. You have the most authority right now. You could spread a lot of disinformation right now. No, that's just a funny thing because I'm just thinking about how a lot of people on the spectrum tend to have like a special interest it's funny if your special interest is like reaganomics you know what i mean like that's just like funny to me that that would be like your trains you know sure but actually i i was actually going to bring it up in the last podcast

but but tova's dad uh tova will post about it it's her dad's name is frank and goes like just frank's update so whenever it's like something happens exciting frank will write about it, her dad's name is Frank, and goes like, just Frank's update. So whenever something happens exciting, Frank will write about it on Facebook, but with no, the same way that chat GPT would, no like, this is a good thing, or this is a bad thing. So every post, like, oldest daughter's boyfriend will be on TV late tonight. And not an exclamation point. Semi-colon.

Semi-colon. Here are the facts. For our anniversary, we visited two of our daughters in NYC. Period. Here we're about to see a show on Broadway. Period. The guy on the right is oldest daughter's boyfriend, comma, a stand-up comedian. Period. Parentheses.

He did a stand-up comedy set on James Corden's show last fall Period That's incredible That is incredible Neither good nor bad Just the facts Frank Just yeah

And it's very endearing Just the facts Frank She calls it just the facts That's all he reports on Has your dad like been tested? I mean no But you know Yeah Does he But I mean clearly He has a sense of humor about it Um, I had your dad like been tested Yeah, does he Yeah, he he will be like I think he got into his adult life and then heard about it was like Oh, that's what it's called. Like I think it was more I don't want to put words in his mouth

So I don't I don't know if you've ever formally tested But I think it was one of those like when he a kid, they were like, ah, just stop counting. Sure. You know? But it's one of those, it is so, because my stepdad, we always casually say,

everyone in the family, oh, he's on the spectrum. And my mom, but my mom says it, like, in a way where, like, she's talking, she's not talking about anything positive or neutral.

It's always like, he's on the, he didn't pay child support this week. He's on the spectrum. And I'm like, that's not related. That's not a spectrum thing. He counted what he owed

and then said, I paid zero of it. But it's always like in that realm. It's never like, oh, it was nice that he knew what time the train would be here. He's on the spectrum. It's always bad.

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