The Downside with Gianmarco Soresi - #199 Comedy Club Sashimi with Ali Kolbert

Episode Date: April 9, 2024

Comedian Ali Kolbert joins to share the downsides of seeing Gianmarco on the way to therapy, why children shouldn’t be actors, performing at the last JFL, preparing celebrity dressing rooms at The Tonight Show, and why your ex isn’t a narcissist.  Gianmarco shares the time he opened for Anthony Jeselnik and his Juilliard audition story. You can watch full video of this episode HERE! Join the Patreon for ad-free episodes, exclusive content, and MORE. Follow Ali on Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, & TikTok See Ali in a city near you: https://www.alikolbert.com/shows Follow The Downside with Gianmarco Soresi on Instagram Get tickets to our live podcast recording in NYC on May 13 https://www.showclix.com/event/the-downside-w-gianmarco-soresi OR come to our live podcast recording in LA at Netflix is a Joke Fest on May 3! https://thecomedystore.com/the-downside-with-gianmarco-soresi/ Follow Gianmarco Soresi on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, & YouTube Subscribe to Gianmarco Soresi's email & texting lists Check out Gianmarco Soresi's bi-monthly show in NYC Get tickets to see Gianmarco Soresi in a city near you Watch Gianmarco Soresi's special "Shelf Life" on Amazon Follow Russell Daniels on Twitter & Instagram E-mail the show at [e-mail] Produced by Paige Asachika & Gianmarco Soresi Video edited by Dave Columbo Technical production by Chris Mueller Special Thanks Tovah Silbermann Original music by Douglas Goodhart Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. You were just going to have us talk with no... It's recording here. Oh, I see, I see. We're not using any of that stuff at the top. Sure, but we're going to use it right now. Yeah, okay.

We're going to use what you just said now. Yeah, that's fine. Just so they know where they go, ooh, what was it? What was it? They'll never know. What was it? Welcome to the downside. My name's Jamarcus Serezi.

I'm in a good mood. We're trying to... We've got tech. We're doing all sorts of things, but i'm in a good mood we're trying we're trying we've got tech uh we're doing all sorts of things but i'm in a good space um because yesterday very last minute yes 2 30 p.m i was uh with with my girlfriend we were shopping i was i was high and i got a text from Mr. Anthony Jeselnik saying, hey, can you open for me now in New Jersey? I got a call. At what time, I'm wondering. I got the call first.

Oh, yeah, you did? Yeah. Sure, sure. Well, thank God you weren't free. Was Matt Rife doing another Radio City Music Hall show again, Allie? Where were you? I was in Milwaukee yesterday. Thank God. You know, I got a two, and I just ignored it. I didn't you? I was in Milwaukee yesterday. Thank God.

You know, I got a two, and I just ignored it. I didn't have his number saved in my phone. That's so funny. So I've always been a real idol of mine, real idol. So it was just very delightful. Definitely made me go, like, don't get too high in the morning. We had a spin class. I like to get high for my spin class.

And, yeah, I just, we, Tove and I, we kicked into. Did you know you were going to do half an hour? No, I didn't ask. I just want to be chill, whatever. An hour, three. I'm ready. I got it. Comedians are told to ask nothing.

How long you're doing, where's the show, if it pays. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so weird. That's such a shitty bar to set. Yeah. Yeah, but I think you know with some people, you know it's going to pay well. Do you? I mean, not necessarily.

I feel like you never know. You hear from the bigger people, at least I don't know all of them, but you hear people who are known as like, you hear who's known as cheap. Yeah. But tell me later, but who? Wait, so you go to Newark, right? Yeah, no, I met him at his hotel. I said, can Tova come?

He said, yeah. And we drove to New Jersey. And then what happened is I had my new material show, which you did. Yeah, so fun. It was at 7.30, so first time I've ever done it, I called Paige, who's now in L.A., so it's early, and I said, can you push the show back an hour and a half?

I asked Anthony, I was like, is it rude if I leave right after my set? And he was like, no, that would be great. Great. That's a good question, though, because sometimes you feel like you want to stay. Some people would consider it rude, I'm sure. You want to pat on the back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I go, whoa, better than me.

Yeah. I would have canceled that SES show forever. I would have said, never doing this show again. I like that SES show. It is a good show. I've begged Russell to do it. I've begged Russell to do some characters. It is a fun little room.

Yeah, have you seen the new space? Was that where we were? No, we were in the small one. I liked how small it was. It is very fun Yeah, it was really cool New one's cool It's a little bit like a dungeon

And the Beastie Boys used to record music there It's cool That's cool Yeah, I'm sure you could go to a hundred places in New York That the Beastie Boys looked like Okay, but it looks It feels like that's what was happening there It's like a dungeon

There's like brick And like it does feel like When were you there? A podcast Like multiple times So you do a half hour on the show yeah

and like this was I've never really opened for someone of that level or space that size ever where was it New Jersey Performing Arts Center

and I think the reason it's famous you've seen the documentary Comedian about Jerry Seinfeld he's working on his new hour and it's the younger guy've seen the documentary Comedian about Jerry Seinfeld. He's working on his new hour and it's the younger guy who just got new faces

back when it meant something. And it ends, like the dramatic conclusion of the documentary is Jerry goes to see at the New Jersey Performing Arts Center the one and only Bill Cosby. And then the documentary,

the whole thing, it goes to every, it goes to Chris Rock, Colin Quinn, just like Cosby. And then the documentary, the whole thing, it goes to every, like, it goes to Chris Rock, Colin Quinn, just like, Cosby's the one. And he's the greatest of all time. He did two hours, 6 p.m. show. Didn't stand up once. Incredible.

And it's just, that's where I was. So when I was out there, I sat on the stool for a second just thinking about how Cosby sat here once. Yeah. You have a great ability to sit on a, like you sat on a stool during your New Faces,

during a five minute New Faces set. He took a seat. Wow. For the first joke, yeah. It killed. But that, you have to be wildly confident

to pay for that. To sit in a five minute set? Some would say it's crazy. Sure. Yeah, I guess I never thought about that. That is interesting. I do a lot.

When the joke doesn't work, it's because I sit a lot When the joke doesn't work Cause I It's cause I It's cause I sit And that's the joke They go the joke was okay But look what he's doing With his body Yeah wow he's sitting

Why do you think this couch Is so small It's just to add a little bit of juice Yeah So Very cool Uh Uh very nice

And um Feel free to write in If you were asked before me as well This is The downside I don write in if you were asked before me as well this is The Downside I don't know that I was asked before you I don't know

you thought you were asked after me maybe yeah that would make sense You're listening to The Downside with John Marco Cerezi How you doing Russell? I'm good

I'm good Can I introduce our guest? Oh yeah Then let's go back to you. We are here with a stand-up comedian was going to do the show six months ago? Seven months ago? Eight months ago?

Allie, stand-up comedian. Like a year ago. Writer, performer Allie Colbert. Hi. Remember? Oh, do I remember? I remember any guests who canceled on me. I canceled, and then I ran into you crying in the street. Mm-hmm. That day.

That day. Wow. I've never run into you before or since randomly, not even in the club space. No, but I felt so bad. I was going through a breakup. I was so sad. And then I was going to therapy, and then I was like, I can't do it. I'm sobbing.

And then I was crying in the middle of the street and saw you. I was like, it's true. I like so sad and then i was going to therapy and then i was like i can't do it i'm sobbing and then i was crying in the middle of the street and saw you i was like it's true i'm so sad and you were like it's fine i i just remember because i it was a good it was a good apology it was it was a real like sincere i can't do it i'm going through this thing you know how do you have a podcast sometimes people cancel and you go, let's put a little more work into this why you can't make it story. Yeah. But I saw you. Even if it's fake.

It was moving. And then, because I don't think, when I was doing my research, I listened to a podcast episode and it was, you were talking just about your partner

and it was like the whole podcast was about like love. Really? And like everything was amazing and it's never been better. And it was funny, horrible for you, I'm sure.

For me personally, it was funny because literally the day before, I was like, okay, enough with this. Where was I saying that? That doesn't sound real. Was it Girls Gotta Eat? That, but that was so not when that came out. That came out years ago. It was, maybe it was an old one, but it was one where you that came out that came out years ago there was it was

maybe that was just an old one but it was one where you were just you were very that episode of Girls Gotta Eat was me talking about how I met my ex I recorded that like

almost two and a half three years ago that episode sure and I was like this is the most amazing love story of my life

yeah and then and I was like this is gonna be a amazing love story of my life. Yeah. And I was like, this is going to be a great downside episode talking about the upsides of love. Yeah, it was brutal. I remember that I was so upset that week that I was supposed to do your show. Yeah. I'm trying to think what I would, like, let's say if I got,

what's a podcast that I'd be like, ooh, I got this podcast. Joe Rogan? Yeah, that's what I was going to say. Would you do Rogan? Yeah. Yes, I wouldn't even think about it. Yeah, I'd do Rogan. Like going on Johnny Carson. Of course I would do Rogan. God, that's quite a statement. It is. It fills your calendar. That's what it is

to me. Yeah, what would have to happen for me to cancel my Rogan spot? Not you dying. You think that her canceling this is the equivalent of you canceling Rogan? You're out of your mind. What are you talking about? No, I'm trying to think of the highest pinnacle.

What would have to happen for me to cancel? Oh, you're just saying a whole different scenario. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How are you doing, buddy? That's what that was like for me. I'm good. I'm good.

You know, weekend shows. Did you see Titanic? Oh, you know. I've heard it's great. Yeah, I'm in that. Oh, you're in that? Yeah, just for a little bit more. But Martin Short came this weekend.

Martin Short came? Crazy. Very crazy. You know, and also sometimes when super famous people come, and I assume they get tickets, they put them in the center second row. So you're just like, oh, I'm just doing this show for Martin Short. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah. Wild. You know when stand-up comedians talk, when you say, how was your set? And so he's like, well, the audience was this. The audience was that. Yeah. That's Russell with musical theater.

He calls the audience fucking suck today. He gets so mad. He gets so mad. How do you measure their... Well, okay, so I think A of all, it's a weird show to have a matinee for. So our Sunday matinees generally are like... And also, the show's been now... I did it towards the beginning of the run, and then I went away to do another show,

and then I just come back for a little stint. But now that it's been out and about for a long time, it's got a certain audience that, you know, gay pop culture kind of thing. And now that it's been around and it's popular, it's like random kind of like tourists from the Midwest are coming. So it's not, it's like they have fun, but it's not always the like, like theater crowd or like, like responsive kind of thing.

So especially for Sunday matinees, they are sometimes like, fuck man, these. The level of laughter Russell expects. I know. Well, because like your mind,

because you can get like, you can get, you know, you've had the shows where you're like, it's killer and stuff. And then you can like do it. And you're like, oh man, this is so much work today. You know? Because it's not like an easy, it's just like, it's a high energy show.

So if it's not, you're not getting anything, it's like very taxing, I feel like. Go see it. Anyways, good crowd. I've been told numerous times to see it. I really would love to go see it. Yeah. Yeah. I love it.

No. After you couldn't make the podcast though I swear to God I don't know if you started When you started dating someone again Yeah recently Is that recent? Very recently

Oh God I feel like I went to your story once I saw you with a woman I was like Oh my God If she got back with her girlfriend No The next day

I'm gonna be Pissed No No But She wanted to get back together, but I didn't because of the podcast. I appreciate that. I really appreciate that sacrifice.

I was like, you know what? I want it. You want it. John Marco. You won't take it well. Well, I'm glad. I guess I got you in a... How long have you been in a new relationship? A couple months. And she's a New York Times investigative reporter.

Did I tell you that? No. I did my research. She's a New York Times... What research did you do? What research did you do? A recent podcast. Sometimes...

I'm a tiger on my... A recent podcast. I said it? Yeah. Do you remember what you said on podcasts? No. Yeah, you said it. You said it. I gotta tell you

Why is it weird to know things about Anytime you tell guests you've done research you've always freaked them out You always scare them They always look like where did you hear that from

That's just I guess Okay yeah If you went on Inside the Actor's Studio and he was like your first movie was this then you would be like what the fuck

I love how John Marco keeps comparing this show to seminal shows. You know. So casually. Making these huge equivalencies. That's so funny.

Yes, she's an investigative reporter for the Times. What, any particular beat, as they say? No, she's an investigative reporter for the Times. What, any particular beat, as they say? No, there's a... What is this, the CIA? She can say what she does for work. There's just an investigative team, to my understanding, it's just an investigative team at the Times.

I don't know that that is then, they then have beats? Do they have beats? She explains to me what a beat is every couple weeks. Oh, yeah? Yeah. I, like, can can't i don't know why i'm not clear like when you start dating did you were you like can i read some of your work

or i've read her work because i've actually been friends with her for years and years and years so and i remember she did breaking news there and then she became an investigative reporter in the last six months i've read her work. Is there any particular, like, big story that... Um, no. Because she's new to the investigative team and that's a slower role than breaking news. You're not publishing, like,

all the time. Sure, sure, sure. You know? But that team did, uh, started the Me Too movement, essentially, with the Harvey Weinstein cases. That was, like, the investigative essentially, with the Harvey Weinstein cases. That was like the investigative team. I thought Harvey Weinstein started the Me Too movement. He did start it.

But the investigative team at the time, I think a few of the reporters got a Pulitzer for their work on that story. I think one of the greatest, because Bill Cosby, I think that whole thing was kind of before formally what the Me Too movement was. Yeah.

But part of Bill Cosby, the stories are out there about Bill. They were always percolating. be i think that whole thing was kind of before formally what the me too movement was yeah but part of bill the the stories are out there about bill they were always percolating this one twitter really could just like change the conversation and he his team like in the midst of you know the things bubbling up a little bit more they released a thing of like make a meme of bill make a make a meme of like uh jello pops and everyone made started making memes of like make a meme of Bill. Make a meme of like Jell-O pops. And everyone started making memes of like, I like Jell-O pops and raping people. And that, it just like,

I don't know if that was the moment, but like if you, with like the Google search, and it shows like there was a spike here. It was like that moment that it all just happened. Oh, okay. It was like a windfall of people coming out against Cosby. Yeah, or just like people paying attention.

Oh, we did know before, because I remember when I was doing a tour one time, and this was like 2013, 14, watching the Cosby show in a hotel room, and whoever I was with, I was like, isn't there something weird about Bill Cosby? And it was on his Wikipedia page. You could go.

And I remember looking it up and being like, oh, yeah. But it was all like, I was like, isn't there something weird about Bill Crosby? And it was on his Wikipedia page. You could go. And I remember looking it up and being like, oh, yeah. But it was all, like, it was allegations then, but it wasn't, like, formally. Oh, really? But it was, like, that was, like, two or three years before. Yeah, it was Hannibal who had the viral clip. Yes. And then, but, like, it was, like, that happened, and then this meme thing happened. And, like, you know,

it was probably Hannibal was the inciting incident, but it's just the way that it... Right. Did you watch Quiet on Set? Yes. You just watched the first episode. Yeah. You finished it? I watched it, yeah.

I think it was three episodes, yeah. Four, yeah. Yeah. What do you think? We believe him? Believe what? I'm joking. I'm joking.

Yes. That was something like the Dan Schneider stuff I had heard rumblings of for a while on TikTok. Yeah. You heard it. And then like they would always do the ones that I heard the rumblings of were like, look at this video of Ariana Grande putting her foot in her mouth. Only a pedophile would write this sketch. And I look at our sketch team and I've just wrote you a sketch putting a foot in your mouth.

And I'm like, I don't think this is sexual at sexual at all no it's like 90% of it's weird and then every once in a while you're like I think that's just slime do you know I mean like every once in a while you're like there's just something we were like I think I don't know if that's sexual or we're like you know like but I do think there's a lot of weird fucking things oh no I all the videos they have of him he's so creepy and so creepy and like you know it's just like sound like hell like uh i don't know yeah just with all this i mean listen the official stance of the downside not good what was going on over at nickelodeon never liked nickelodeon ever been a fan yeah but but i think sometimes when they construct that narrative they decide like what pieces to add to it and in the first episode there was just a couple where I was like,

I think you could have focused on the actual assault things rather than the sketch where he sneezed on her and you said that's a cumshot. That one guy was wearing a penis. That was so strange. That penis costume thing was very funny. I think that's stuff that

it's not excusable, actually. Even if it's just a cumshot innuendo on a kid's's stuff that it's not excusable, actually. Even if it's just a cumshot innuendo on a kid's show. If it's a cumshot innuendo, for sure. But don't you think that, like, you remember-

It is, though. It's so clearly- The whole brand of Nickelodeon was sliming people. Do you remember Disney where they said the stars said sex? Yeah.

And they said it said SFX. And the- Yeah, this was much less latent than that. This was really- I mean, the guy had, like like cocks strapped to his shoulders. Yeah, those were cocks. And then she had like jizz on her face.

And then they were like, she said something like, my mouth can't get pregnant. And then it went to black. I'm joking. But it was like. For a second I was like, oh, I must have missed that one part. You're right. When you watch it, you're kind of amazed. Yeah, obviously it's like, okay, that's weird.

Could it be but it's like the machine that it had to pass through is also astounding because there's there is oversight there are parents on set sure yeah like that's what's scary is like the slow boil of just like everyone yesing this guy yeah i think it's just the idea of kid shows are obviously kid shows should be made it's a good thing but it's like all these adults all these like comedy writers like all these adult comedy writers just running a kid show and trying to make it funny and i they try to make it funny for themselves i guess and then it's like no you you can't you need to have some kids i guess i was gonna say

you need to have kids in the writer's room to make sure you're, but I'm like, maybe we don't need any kids. I don't think the only thing that's funny to adults is sexualizing children. Yeah.

No, but you can see how I guess you can't make it funny for adults. But you can see how comedians in a room, how comedians in a room by their, without any oversight,

you can see how comedians would like, yes, exactly. I get it, dude. That makes, we got gotta put kids in these rooms if you don't want us to try and fuck these kids. I think... But you look at that and you go like, should there not be child actors?

Because Hollywood is so fucked up. There should not be child actors. AI? We do AI up to 18? No, you can't do that. So you think it's better to unless the kids... I don't know if we need those. We. I've never heard of it. So you think it's better to bless the kids? I don't know. I don't know if we need those.

We have to rechange our stance. Never mind. I mean, it seems, is it as much of a problem in movies? I don't know. Probably. I don't know. I don't have an answer for it. I do think.

Did you watch All That? Because I was a big All That. I loved All That. I loved All That. And I loved The Amanda Show. I remember The Amanda Show. She's very talented. Very talented.

She was so talented. We do this to our, like, Britney Spears, like, we just, Lindsay Lohan, we ruin these young.

That stand-up was fine. Who's stand-up? Amanda Bynes stand-up. I mean, I don't, I haven't watched it as I know. They did a clip of her at the Hollywood Improv.

No, but now it's like, it's like something's, you know, it's, oh my God. Yeah, yeah.

Something clicked. And it's just like, you're like, it's crazy, because you're like, so talented, so funny, from a young age, and it's crazy. Also, yeah. Something clicked. And it's just like, you're like, it's crazy because you're like so talented, so funny from a young age and it's crazy. Also, how did that guy run so many shows?

Like, that's like sometimes where I'm like, I don't understand how it even works. Right. How do you even have time to molest kids? I mean, like, exactly. Like, what are you, like, you have all, he had every show on Nickelodeon. Yeah. He was also surrounded by many other creepy, assaulting men. That was another, I'm like, it's just a coincidence or they're all lifting each other up. That one guy that was running in a group of men that were like following Drake Bell around on tour when he was like 11. It was so weird. I didn't get to the Drake stuff.

Drake stuff is really shocking. Yeah. Bad. Not good. Imagine a 40-something-year-old coming to your shows when you're 14, 15. What are you doing?

Yeah. It's very strange. Really upsetting. Well, I should watch the rest. It's four episodes. I'll check it out. Yeah.

Actually, Dan's doing the show next week. Oh, good. So, Allie, we knew each other but we we spent more time together at r.i.p jfl i know oh you yeah we were both new faces together yeah r.i.p uh is it not gonna come back i think something will come back, but it was a special thing. It feels like the flame was snuffed out. Yeah. I think it's just more complicated.

I think so much art is trusted, and the agency is trusted, and they get all their clients to go. And once that belief that it is solid goes away, it can never really come back. But we had a good time. Yeah, it was really fun. I thought. It was fun.

But there was commentary that I already hear, like, the hang wasn't as good. What the fuck? Who the fuck said that? Not between, like, comedians, but I think, like, I was kind of shocked that every night there was not a food thing set up. That's the beginning of the money going away. It was just like you'd go to the lobby and you could pay for... It was just strange that there was nothing offered to people performing. Yeah, apparently there used to be a lot of food.

Free. But that's how you could tell. I would have liked one meal. Sure. Just one. Maybe on the night lot of food. Free. But that's how you can tell. I would have liked one meal. Sure. Just one. Maybe on the night of the performance. Yeah. Wait, this is 2022?

2022. First one after they had their COVID one. The LA satellite one. Yeah. That was unfortunate for the people who got that. So we kind of really had the last. Oh, there was one after. There was one.

One after, yeah. But the sold out podcast tape. But yeah, it was kind of, I was expecting, well, I was only there a couple nights, but I was, it felt like there were things happening there already that it was like, they were like, you know, kind of pulling back there. Yeah, there was no, there was no like John Mulaney headlining the big place. Our year. It was like, no, the next year. Our year there was. Oh yeah, there was Mulaney Mulaney headlining the big place. Our year. No, the next year.

Our year, there was. Oh, yeah. There was Mulaney and Joe Coy Gala. Joe Coy. Joe Coy. Yeah, but this one. Joe Coy Gala. Yeah, no one for your year.

I mean, I didn't get in. I went for the podcast. But you had one of the last auditions for JFL of all time. I did. How exciting. And how exciting was that to get prepared? I had the stomach flu and I went anyways

because, oh God, you got to push through it. And then the next week it is done-zo. Wow. How many times did you audition

before you got it? Can I ask? I'll be honest is that I never auditioned for it until I did. Oh, wow. But it was weird that I didn't. Yeah. Like I could have, I wanted to certainly years before that. But so I did. Oh, wow. But it was weird that I didn't.

Yeah. Like, I could have, I wanted to, certainly, years before that. But so I did it when I was, like, a little bit ready to go. So you auditioned once and got it? Yeah. Oh, wow. I auditioned, like, five times. Sure.

But that's, like, kind of what everyone was doing. Like, I thought most people auditioned that many times. Our friend Chris auditioned seven times. He got it on the 7th. He was last for characters. Tech went over, so they didn't start the show until an hour late. They didn't even get to tech his piece. All the industry left.

And all the industry left before he went. By the time he went. That's awful. Can you imagine? That's so brutal. Seven years trying to get in and then be like, boom. What year did they do the documentary about it? That was weird too

remember that oh yeah so that was a rosebud baker's year where amazon did a thing where they followed around the new faces oh and like you know it was like here's them bombing the set at a bar show but then it does well on the thing and some people did well everyone it's it's tough to i don't know everyone always has the impulse to make a documentary of stand-up, and they rarely, Jerry Seinfeld is the one that did the best. Yeah. I don't remember that. And you know why? Because it had that secret sauce.

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Only in theaters November 15th Cosby Sauce You were an intern at the Tonight Show Yeah What age was that? 20 That's so cool I wish I had done that at that age. Really? Why? Yeah. Why? Because you

get to like see how it really works for better or for worse. Yeah, that's true. How long were you there? Um, I was there like a winter or a fall semester of my senior year of college. Senior year of college paid or no? Paid minimally. Yeah, paid minimally. I like interned everywhere when I was in school. Didn't you go to school in New York? No, I went to school at University of Miami.

Florida or Ohio? Florida. Miami University is Ohio. Oh. But I did, I came here every summer. I like New York. You're an NYU kid Yes Why did I think

you went to Juilliard? I tell people that As a lie? That's a lie? Yeah, it's a lie You don't tell people that I auditioned for Juilliard I've heard you tell people that

That's not true at all I've never claimed I've done my own research You told me that On a podcast Like Russell with New Faces I auditioned once and did not Like Russell with new faces I auditioned once

And did not get it Oh okay I auditioned For colleges I auditioned for eight schools BFA programs Yeah And

Juilliard's was Was The fire alarm went off In the middle of my audition And like I didn't know How to be like To make a moment out of it I just stood there awkwardly And Was anyone be like to make a moment out of it i just stood there

awkwardly and uh was anyone asking you to make a moment out of it like were the theater teachers i just feel like right you can imagine robin williams would be like oh fire and he'd do like a little dance and they'd go oh my god we gotta have this kid and i was just like i was just i see i see okay that's really just stand here for five minutes i would have done a whole thing oh a fire oh gotta put it out oh what a fountain i see i would have minutes. We would have done a whole thing. Oh, a fire. Oh, got to put it out. Oh, what a fountain. See? I would have gotten it.

I would have gotten it. That would have been fun. They did. I mean, they gathered all of us. And I mean, the energy in that room could not be worse. Oh, it's awful. Every theater kid did like four. This could be the next four years of my life in this one moment. Yeah.

And they're trying to warm us up. So they like have us all. They do a little acting warm up. We're all walking in a circle. And at some point they're like, and now you're an animal. Yeah. And of course everyone's auditioning while they're doing this. So they're not doing it for themselves.

They're like everyone's being the loudest animal, a lizard crawling. Oh, my God. It was. What was your audition piece? Ooh. So, um, one of my big monologues was an audition from the goat or who is Sylvia.

Do you know that play? We've talked about it before. Too much, too much for this podcast. So, but this was, uh, it was,

it was a son confronting his father. His father has having an affair with a goat and his son is gay and he's saying like you won't accept me but you fuck a goat which is kind of

the metaphor of the whole piece and beautiful makes perfect sense yeah I had a voice teacher she was like

an opera teacher so the acting wasn't quite there but she wanted to like give me notes and she was like you're not so the acting wasn't quite there but she wanted to like give me notes and she was like you're not ganging up enough and she wanted she wanted me to go into this piece and be like a father you're fucking a goat and and i don't think i took the note fully you took a little bit i wouldn't want anyone to see what I did for sure. Wow.

So it was that. I had a monologue from Hamlet. I sang On the Street Where You Live, Joey, Joey, Joey. They asked for all that for the, like, their program asked for song too? Juilliard, I'm not sure.

I don't think so. They said, like, be ready. Which song was that? Sorry. Are you talking about Dean Martin? No. He's talking about, what's that show? The Most Happy Fella.

Oh. By Frank Lesser, who wrote Guys and Dolls. Beautiful musical. Thinking of a different street where you live. It's an old man. He has a hot wife. The hot wife fucks the... Goat.

The goat. Another weird one. Which school were you in? Film. Film. Yeah. Was it good? Was it good?

Did you learn stuff? Yeah, I mean, I think the biggest opportunities were in interning and in connecting with the classmates who are all doing, a lot of them are doing really cool things. As a non-NYU person, I tell people like, if I could go back, it would be like NYU or just start. Yeah. Just move to New York. Yeah.

I'm very envious of the NYU kids. Me too, yeah. Back in the day when we tried to get our sketch team to get like featured in Time Out, it was impossible. And we saw these NYU kids just left and right, Time Out features. Yeah, that sketch team when And we saw these NYU kids just left and right time out features. Yeah. That sketch team when I was in school

all, I mean, it was Bowen and Sudi Green and they all went on to SNL and even a lot of the film students are up to really

cool things now. And we're like writing with John Oliver, whatever, they're just doing cool things. What was the internship like at the Tonight Show?

What did you have to do? Um, like, just doing cool things. What was the internship like at the Tonight Show? What did you have to do? Like, just, like, intern work. Nothing exciting. Like, getting coffee. I got, I would intern for the writers, specifically. I was a writer's intern, and I got them breakfast

and lunch, and that's really what I remember. Like, I would go into the writer's room and i would get money from each person and i had this big like accordion folder where i would like separate everyone's money and separate everyone's change and i would like take i was like a waiter and i would take down everyone's order and i would go downstairs to the concourse and i would get everyone's breakfast go back up and then wait do stuff for 90 minutes and then get their lunch did you ever get to see them pitch jokes or anything?

No. I didn't get to go into the pitch meeting, but I saw what they were doing, and I think I organized drafts with them, and I did become friendly with a lot of them. And I was already doing stand-up for a few years, so I would talk to them a little bit about it, but I wasn't in the pitch meeting.

No, that was closed door jimmy the writers maybe a few producers um did jimmy know you because i remember your first tonight show and jimmy was like ally my best friend yeah what do you feel i um no he didn't i didn't interface with him much maybe a few times i saw him in the hall. And then when I was a page, because that was my first job after college, I was an NBC page. Oh, like Kenneth. Like Kenneth, right, that's right.

I was, you interview for the different shows at 30 Rock, to be a desk page. And I was the Tonight Show desk page, mainly because I had known a lot of the people and kind of how the show worked from being an intern. Yeah. So I was a favorable candidate, and there I maybe got to see him a bit more,

but still, you're not, no, you're not working with him or really interfacing with him, but my job was to get the talent from the car and set them up in their green room. I had a friend in college, he worked, I feel like it was the Tonight Show, and where his job was basically To prepare the rooms for the guests

Like read the writer And if it said fresh watermelon He had to go get that Really? And he used to gossip about like What was his job? That sounds like what I did as a page Yeah?

Yeah, you set the room It might have been that You set the rooms Yeah And yeah, you know what everyone's rider is and we would fulfill all that. I mean, I remember when I was a page, the Tonight Show did these weeks in L.A. where they would broadcast from Los Angeles. And we went out to L.A. to do the show.

And Snoop Dogg had like a really crazy rider, like Roscoe's chicken and waffles and all these chips and all these drinks. And he didn't even show up. He never showed up to the show. He got too drinks and he didn't even show up he never showed up to the show he got too high and like couldn't make it there and i got to take all the food home and i always took the leftovers home wow yeah any other weird riders that you remember i remember like tyler perry had like everything orange like orange gatorade orange soda or like orange snack like it was all orange I remember that being crazy.

I remember Danny DeVito. We put candy in the rooms. I remember Danny DeVito taking the candy and pouring it into his backpack and leaving. Sounds like you. I don't deal with candy. With the baby carrots. Recently I put

floss on my rider just so I have a thing of floss. Sometimes they give me one of the eight packs of floss And I'm like fuck I'm a rich man Why not take it What's in your rider Diet coke And seltzer and peanut butter maybe

You're low Low maintenance Yeah what are we doing Sashimi brown rice You're asking for. Yeah, what are we doing? Sashimi, brown rice. Sashimi? You're asking for sashimi everywhere you go? Yeah, the host of the Tonight Show? Oh, yeah, but I'm saying like when you're going to Iowa,

you're asking for sashimi? No, you're not. It's in the rider. You're joking. Are you joking? What's wrong with asking for sashimi? You do not want sashimi in lots of places. No, you're joking, right? No, 100%. asking for sashimi? You do not want sashimi in lots of places. No, you're joking, right?

No, 100%. I have sashimi in the rider. They tell me if they can't provide it. That's crazy. Oftentimes they can provide it technically, but why would you want it in a certain place? I don't put anything in mine because I don't want to make anyone do that

because I'm not. I'm grounded. What's wrong with wanting a thing? Where are you going that you're putting sashimi on a club rider? That's not well. You can't do that. They just door dashed sashimi from somewhere else. I respect myself.

I don't think that's good. By the way, what sort of sashimi are you even getting? You're probably getting yourself sick. That's what I'm saying. I'm still alive, am I not? Alive, feeling healthy. What else is on this rider of yours? Sashimi and fl floss, that's it.

Sashimi, it says brown rice, but if not, that's okay. I let them know. Healthy snacks. Popcorn, popcorn's on mine. Popcorn, okay. I do veggies, fruits, and then I had to, I used to go coffee, and then I go, I'm not having coffee at 7 p.m.

So I say seltzer, and then they get a 12-pack of seltzer. And I go, I didn't eat all the seltzer. I just needed one. And that's it. Low maintenance. And it all has to be orange. Just sashimi. Sashimi's pretty diva-y.

Yeah. I know that. I don't understand. Why is this the food? I'm not saying this as a judgment. I'm just saying this so you know what other people think. You know what diva is? Sashimi from sugarfish.

That's diva-ish. Sashimi is such a high on the pyramid food. For you to be requesting it is borderline obnoxious. Japan, it's sashimi. You find it on the floor. I know, but I'm just saying where you're going, though. There's a lot of places you're going that, A of all, it might not be that easy to get. And B of all, I don't know if you want it from there.

Right. Is what we're saying. Yeah. I just think technology has improved to the point where they are able to transport fish to middle America. I know, but it's just like, you know, I don't know. From a club, though, you're trusting that club's like, oh, we'll get

the best sashimi in town. They're gonna go to the grocery store and get like, you know. The way you picture these clubs, like it's like back alley and they find a rat and they say, I'll never notice at all.

We'll cut up this rat. Have you had good sashimi from any of these places? You know what? I don't even know. Maybe I've always had bad sashimi and so it all tastes

good to me. That I think is the key to life. Never treat yourself too much. It's always there. It's always happening. It's always there. Most of always happening. It's always there. Most of the time, yeah. Wow.

Wow. Also, are you worried about mercury poisoning? To have that much sashimi? Did you eat that every night? Now I am, yeah. Every night of the weekend, you're doing that? Yeah, my opener told me he's really sick of eating sashimi. Why don't you change it up?

Okay, if I were here and I said, hey, my rider has a hamburger, you'd say nothing. No, no, no. We would. No, that would be crazy. You're killing a cow. You're getting mad cow poisoning. I would be.

Less fruitful food, more snacky things. Don't you just, yeah, don't you get your meal, like, usually at the club, and then you have snacks in your room? I can't eat that club food. You'd rather have sashimi from the grocery store. What, mozzarella sticks? And a wings? They have a grilled chicken. Grilled chicken, usually. Fries, a burger.

Fries? Every weekend? No, but sashimi. Try it. Try it. In a Midwest state, just give it a shot. The only place I've ever gotten sashimi that was like, We were gonna die It was in Memphis

And we were performing At a music venue I was with Tova Her family lives there And whatever that DoorDash That I ordered was Was Was vile

The rice tasted like It could give you Mercury poisoning Oh my god And I I ate it all Why? Because I paid Why? Because I paid for it directly.

Wow. How long have you been with Tova now? In October, it will be four. Wow. Can I put straight pressure on you and ask if you're going to get married and have kids? What the fuck? Quick answer.

I'm just curious okay is that like a dream of yours to be married to kids oh my god we're gonna cut this part out of the podcast no uh i don't i don't i don't know four years is sweet you always seem so in love with her i'm very much in love with her uh i here's how i think about both those things i think so much is how much it's connected to family and my family is so fractured and so disjointed and like i couldn't even imagine inviting my dad to my wedding unless chaos could possibly like he'd say something to my mom i know it that all those things and the same with kids when i see people have kids, they're like their family.

They're there to help. Russell's made very clear on the record that he is not going to help unless he happens to be around. Wait, but yeah. So I don't know. You're married. Yeah.

Kids? I'm not having kids, no. Oh, wait, I have a question. Can't you just elope? If your hangup is having a wedding day where your dad and mom are in the same place. Believe it or not, that's not the marriage. Elope.

Yeah, just elope. Just elope with some sashimi. Hey, if that's on the card, that's on the table. There's not sashimi at that wedding. He's trying to get out of the talk show. No. He's like, let's go back to my shitty rider. I don't know.

I had this conversation last night. I got to have it today on the podcast. What the fuck? Can I have a break? Tova texted me get on the podcast and I asked him. I'll tell you the thing that we are discussing more concretely, which you can understand. That's already been done.

Embryos? No, not embryos. Just the eggs. Just the eggs. You don't have to freeze your sperm. You actually should. You should just in case. You should? Yes, you should.

Just in case. It goes down a little bit as you get older. It does go down, and people don't talk about it. And a lot of times sperm motility is the issue. Robert De Niro just had a baby. He was 80 or something. Well, you can throw examples out. Don Marco comparing himself once again to a grape.

Just because he's a good actor. A man cannot stop. Just because he's a good actor doesn A man cannot stop. Just because he's a good actor doesn't mean he has a good cum. Their two are not correlated at all. But just to be safe, you should do it because you do want kids. But it costs like 50 bucks for men.

50 bucks? 50 bucks. You jizz in a cup. Who cares? Just do it instead of a sock. That's all you gotta do. I've never... Let me tell you something.

I've never jizzed in a sock. I've never just in a sock. I did it once to be like, is this a thing to do? Oh, yeah. But when people say that, are they doing the whole thing with the sock on or are they grabbing the sock right before?

I assume that's more of a kid, young person thing. But are they grabbing it right before or are they keeping it on, like is the sock the sleeve? I don't know. It's never been my thing either, so I don't know.

It seems like I don't want to do the like after it. You know what I mean? Like, I would just throw it away. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe if I was a really rich person and I just threw away my socks, I would try it more. But I don't want to have to wash it.

I would do it with, like, dress socks. That's soft. But that's really expensive. You better enjoy yourself. That's why they did those gold toes. Gold toe socks. Kind of hide it. So, um...

God, could you support me for once? I didn't know what you were saying. Yeah, it's a tough topic for me to join in on. You're the one who demanded that I freeze my experiment. I said, okay, I'll take your advice on this. You're right. Do you have your eggs frozen? No. I should get them frozen. At some point, I will.

It was a tough process. Why? Emotionally? Because, well... How much time does it take? It was like a week and a half to two. Like, it depends. They test you, like, every two days for your levels of things. But a nurse came in the morning and would inject Tova with a shot of estrogen.

Yeah. Which is, you know, that's a lot. That's like if you were datingating a werewolf Someone injected the moon And Then at night There was like a different Shot of something else And then there's the procedure

So they say You go through this Whole wave of pregnancy Over the course of Like two weeks Like all the feelings Did you guys fight a lot? Oh

Oh we fought Really? I mean Because you guys fight a lot? Oh. Oh, we fought. Really? I mean... Because you get so emotional, right? Yeah. I think I... You fucked up. No, I can't.

There was a moment where it seemed like I might be getting dumped the day before the surgery. And I said, no. No. Let's wait till one more day and then let's have this discussion. And now everything's happy and wonderful.

That's good. Yeah. I've heard it's taxing emotionally. I mean, it's a roller coaster of things. Of course. Do you want kids? What about you? You and your partner, you want to get married? You want to stay together forever?

Is she the one? Yeah, yeah, yeah. God damn it. I, um, yeah, yeah. I would have kids with, I want to have kids with my current partner. But I've been in relationships where I'm like, I would never have kids with this person. Sure. You know?

Sure. And I don't even associate it with that except now I'm like, oh, I can see now that it's like, this is much more partner oriented than I thought for myself. Because I feel like a lot of some people just know that they want to have children. I don't feel that I don't relate to kids in that way. But in like this relationship, I'm like, oh, I could totally have kids. I love kids. Yeah.

The appropriate way. But I don't. Sometimes you look at people's lives. Yeah. Like, for example. Yeah. Opening for Jesselnik. He's a guy who doesn't have kids. And go wow he gets to enjoy his the fruits of his labor he's free

he's got a nice leather jacket and then you think about my friends with kids through the worst leather jackets you've seen vomit rain everything on it and i go it's it's more just like it's a tough it's a tough slog yeah yeah totally I think um I feel that way also I feel like at a certain point though you are like me at least not you I would get used to like my life and like would be open to a new chapter of something of something that feels different like I don't know that like I'm drawn to like just kind of doing the same thing forever until I die but like if

I go to like let's say I bring my kid to the comedy clubs what if he doesn't like sashimi what am I gonna do what um yeah I mean it's also like because of what you do you should really figure out you'll be traveling like you know it's a lot to consider Jim Gaffigan brings that whole family doesn't he have like because of what you do, you have to really figure out. You'll be traveling. Like, you know, it's a lot to consider. Jim Gaffigan brings that whole family.

Doesn't he have like five of them? Yeah, guess what? One of them is opening for him now. No. No. Oh, yeah. Really? His son opens for him on the road now.

That's what you have to do. That's amazing. Yeah. That's amazing. It's amazing. It's hilarious. As a stand-up comedian, you're going to become a stand-up comedian opening for stadiums? How old is the kid?

He's young. I mean, I don't know, six. I feel like, if I were to guess, based on one clip, I've seen like 16.

He's like a teenager. Whoa. I wonder if he has like stand-up ambitions or if that's like a convenient, fun thing. Sure.

I mean, I hope he has ambitions because that's a good crowd yeah it's a good gig i mean jim jim called me before him but uh jesus christ russell i'm gonna kill you so you were engaged yeah how it was public yeah This is going to be a great choice of conversation. Let's hear. Was it? How did you do an Instagram post? Did you call your friends and loved ones?

No. I mean, no. You just moved on and gradually people found out. If that's not a reflection of the fact that we are no longer together, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it was not. Yeah. Do you feel differently it was not, yeah. Do you feel differently about proposing an engagement now because of that?

Do you go, oh, I'm a romantic? Because I've been engaged? Yeah. Oh, I'm a romantic. In a way, I've heard you talk about love in a way that I would consider more romantic than cynical. I'm, you know. Yeah, I way that I would consider more romantic than cynical. I'm, you know.

Yeah. I mean, I certainly, yeah. Okay. I do know myself to be a romantic, but I'm trying to assign that to having been engaged. Having been engaged, I'm like, oh, I've been in like serious relationships. And like, I don't know. I feel like I know how to be in a relationship. Like I'm not someone who's never been like committed to someone and like present to creating a life with them.

Are you, what was your first relationship? My first relationship ever was, like my first serious relationship was when I was in college. Yeah? Yeah. That was my first serious girlfriend. I had a guy that I dated like when I was younger for like maybe six months. But the first girl I dated was for a couple of years and that was kind of the end of college. When you were dating that guy, the whole time were you like, I don't, this doesn't feel like what I want. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I was like, I don't know what some, I was like, I think I'm gay. I was like, this is off. I never fully sunk into it. Did you have suspicions before you started dating that guy or while you were dating? Yes, yes, yes. I always liked girls, but I had never really dated. And I was like, you know, maybe I would date a guy that I would feel right about.

Sure. Because I'm always kind of surprised when lesbians are like, and I'm just speaking about lesbians, gay men maybe say this as well, but they're like, oh, I've always dated women. Like Ashley Gavin will say, I've always dated women. I've never dated a man. And I'm like, well, I wanted to date a man just to make sure I didn't. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But yeah, I could have just gone with my gut on that one, that I'm gay. I had a, I won't place the exact time, but it was like it was a guy who, I had a, I won't place the exact time, but it was like, it was a guy who, I remember there was some woman he was talking about and he was,

I was like, oh, she's really cute. And he, she, he was like, she kind of looks like, like a dude.

And then later he started dating her and I was like, interesting. And then later he came out of the closet and he was gay. And I was like,

wow, I saw the full kind of trajectory. Wow. I, I truly just ABC. Oh, that's funny. It was incredible. When he started dating her, I was like, wow, I saw the full kind of trajectory. Wow. Truly just ABC. Oh, that's funny. It was incredible.

When he started dating her, I was like, all right, well, I guess I'm taking that to the vault. I do like that he said initially. And then how soon after he said that did he start dating her? Oh, I mean, like it was freshman year. That's funny. And then, yeah.

That's funny. I always would date guys that like, I remember my family was like, you like such pretty boys. That's what your family said. Yeah. They were like, they're so pretty. They're so good looking. They're like girls. And I was like, fuck, I can't even do this right.

It was so annoying. Like, I thought they were good looking. But like like and then i was like i pressed my mom and sisters on this recently i was like why did you say that they were like you just i'm like you guys like disgusting guys they're like no we just like gross men like men i'm like i don't get it yeah and they were like like were they were they feminine guys no they weren't feminine they were all in boy bands they were just like pretty like pretty features and like pretty eyes and eyelashes.

Like they're just, I thought they were just, I still am like, they're just good looking. But I don't think my sisters who are straight, like find their attractiveness translates in that same way. Sure. You know, like they're just like, they're attracted to like the gruffness and like the masculinity again. Just like the, like the rough edges of of man stuff that I'm just like, no, I don't want to deal with that. Is your whole family Jewish? Yes.

Where'd you grow up? Connecticut. Where in Connecticut? Weston. I don't know Weston. Me either. I don't really know Connecticut. I know.

It's a little like when you ask about where in Connecticut, you're like, if you don't know Hartford or one other what I mean? Or like one other place. I don't know it. Like what's the culture of, was this like a rich body? Yeah. The Southwest Connecticut next to Westport, which a lot of people know,

like very like J.Crew-y, horseback-y, exactly what you'd think about. Did you ride horses? No, I didn't. But culturally, Connecticut. Weston as a town doesn't feel like that as much, but that area of Connecticut feels like Greenwich and like that. Sure.

My dad's a horse guy. I tried it once. I hurt my balls. I started crying. Oh, man. Does your dad still own horses? I feel like his last one he put down, just for shits and giggles.

had he put down? Just for shits and giggles. And like putting down a horse is it's you what? What do you mean? Like a dog

I feel like a dog is like there and you put it down and that just you know You strike them on the horse? What do you mean? I'm saying like a horse like they

there's a moment where they go from standing to the ground. Oh, they, like, collapse. They collapse. And you just, you normally see horses just being, like, big. Yeah. And so I just think, and I think people watch the whole body. You thought it was a happy affair?

Did you watch it? Why can't the horse be, like, put down while it's sleeping? Horses sleep on the floor, I know from Nate Bergetzi. Oh, yeah. I just think they're so big. It takes a long time. I think the bigger the animal,

the longer it takes to put them to sleep. How long does it take? I'll have to ask my dad. Say, hey, dad. Why did he have to put it down? He had to. It wasn't like a choice. Yeah, I imagine so.

He seemed pretty upset about it. Why not just wait for the horse to die? Yeah. It feels... It feels like your dad's killing horses for fun. Yeah, you're like, it's always fucked up when my dad murders those horses. And it takes so long, and they're, like, very... trying not to die.

They're trying to get away. They're running. They're squealing. Have you ever ridden a horse? Yeah, but when I was a kid. Like, was it, like, the little... Do you ever go to parties where you had little ponies in a circle? Yeah, but when I was a kid Like was it like the little Do you ever go to parties That had little ponies in a circle? My aunt and uncle had like horses And what did you do in it?

Like were you Did you gallop? I was six And I think I probably sat there And with an adult You know, I don't really remember Sure Yeah

You didn't stick? No Well, I just wasn't around horses You ever ride a horse? Yeah, a few times growing up. I don't like horses, really. I always am very aware of the fact that they can just throw me off.

Christopher Reeves, is that the guy? Yeah, Chris Reeves. Yeah. I didn't even know about that when I had my horse thing. Really? I would have freaked out. That was big when I was growing up.

Superman. How did he land? I mean, it must have. I mean, not well. I mean. Not well fucking what the fuck, dude? He didn't do a parkour somersault. He landed.

He landed. It turns out he was fine, and then he just. Yeah, he landed really well. What it was, he landed. He did a cool somersault. He was like, ta-da, and then he fell off a cliff right there. That was bad. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. That was really bad. Oof. But what year? That was before we were all alive, right? No, it was in the 90s. I think it was in the early 90s, late 90s. Oh, my God. Yeah. He was good looking.

I saw an interview. He was in other movies, too, but I don't really remember him in other movies. I saw him recently. He was on the couch. He was criticizing. Oh, Marlon Brando. Marlon Brando. He was criticizing Brando?

Yeah, so he was in Superman. It was like the time when people would go on talk shows and say what they really felt. It was the Tonight Show. No, it was Letterman. It was Letterman, yeah. This was back when Letterman was as big as the Downside Today.

Yeah. And he was saying he did a movie shoot with Brando. He did Superman with Brando. Brando was in Superman? Yeah. And Brando didn't know his lines, and he called him out hardcore. Yeah, because David Letterman was like, how was it working with Brando was in Superman Yeah And Brando didn't know his lines And he called him out Hardcore Yeah cause he's like

Cause David Letterman was like How was it working With Brando And he's like Honestly not great He's kind of phoned Everything in And blah blah blah

And he like He was like Gave a very genuine Real answer He said he's a great artist But he's like squandered it With being late It's really disappointing

And I was like I was like Damn That's amazing It's pretty amazing You're like Oh you could see How people would tune in To like That's amazing. It's pretty amazing. You're like, oh, you could see how people would tune in to like

talk shows then. That's cool if people just told the truth. I just think about Jimmy Fallon reacting to anyone coming on and saying something like that about a major celebrity. No, come on. Stop it. No. We love that. Adam Driver's great. He's great. He's fun. Let's sing a song. Stop talking about

someone else's words. Right. I know you guys are friends sing a song. Stop talking about someone else's words. Right. I know you guys are friends. Forgive me. I don't mean to badmouth him. I have all these old notes. This is when I did the research the first time.

Oh, my God. Wow. You're like, so how was COVID? How was COVID? How was COVID? Did you have, forgive me, did you have a breast reduction? Oh, my God. You do weird research.

I didn't, like, Google boobs. It was in the middle of the podcast. I know, but it's just like, can I just give you a tip? Give me a tip. Pro tip. The way you're bringing up things that I've shared in the context of other conversations is jarring. It's old. It's just old research. You know, I know, but it's like 40 minutes into a conversation I had with someone else.

We ask that to every guest just so you know. It's just hilarious. Every guest we have on and we go, did you have a breast reduction at some point in your life? Yeah. And they say, no. I go, okay, next thing. Yes, I had a breast reduction. I did. What are you curious about that for? I have a big chest. I've always, I

was, I used to think I had, people said I had moobs. We've talked about this. Yeah. I had a guy, and I think about it a lot. I always thought when I was younger, I had to ask my mom, I said, could we, could I remove, like, the fat here? And she was like. You can. Men do.

Okay, well, good. I'm glad we got into this topic naturally. So, men do it? Yeah. People can remove anything these days. Of course, men do it? Yeah. People can remove anything these days. Of course men do it. Where do they cut here? Oh, they don't cut there for a woman?

No. For a man. I don't know where they cut for a man. I imagine it's similar. I have no idea. We're going to have Ali Cordon. Let's ask her where they cut for men breast reduction You expert on the cum?

Expert on the freezing of the cum? It's just so funny That's what stuck in some interviews So do you want to get a breast reduction? I'm too scared of I'm so scared of plastic surgery of all kinds Really? Well, I don't know enough about the world

But you're drawn to it. Sure. I think, in my experience, you only hear about, the only time you really know about the plastic surgery is when it's bad. And I can think of a couple celebrities that I wouldn't say because it feels so cruel.

Yeah. But you see they got plastic surgery in their 20s and you're like, you ruined your good-looking face and i don't know why i feel like that doesn't happen as much anymore i think there's someone there's someone really recently that like i'll say it off okay off the thing because because people get really upset about it and then the the celebrity goes forward and they say i didn't have plastic surgery and you go like i you go like i understand that no one should be cruel on the internet,

but you can't say that. Your face is a different face. Yeah. Yeah. It's the same thing. I think even non-surgery wise, there is a jarring thing sometimes. And maybe you don't notice if you're seeing someone regularly, but I saw someone that I hadn't seen since like November recently.

And I was like, Oh, it's not like they had surgery, but they're doing a lot of Botox and things. And it was jarring where you're like, Oh, you're, Oh my God.

Like you're, you know, all of a sudden it's like, it's like meeting someone on a reality TV show or something. And you're like, Oh wow. Okay. You're,

you know, have this different thing. Enough so that it's like kind of scary to even, because it's hard because sometimes when it's working, we wouldn't know. It's like, oh, it's great. It looks great. But then there's always a tipping point, you know? Because I feel like you don't know when it's good.

That's how you know it's good. Sure. Yeah. Like, I feel like Paul Rudd, but there's also the thing where like Paul Rudd, I'm like, well, he must have Had plastic surgery That's why he's always So good Like that's why people

Go he never ages And I'm like Well that's impossible So he must be Getting the good kind But you don't You just don't know Well I think that's

Just like Botox Filler And like skin lasers Do you do Botox? Botox I've done for years I mean that to me Is not plastic surgery though I understand Yeah Where? Here? Yeahox I've done for years. I mean, that to me is not plastic surgery, though. I understand.

Yeah. Where? Here? Yeah. Like, I can't, like, like... Would you ever do Botox for... I would never say never. I feel like, God, everyone... I don't know anyone in L.A. who doesn't do Botox.

Botox to me is not that big of a deal. How often do you do it? Months every three months. Because my sister got chin filler and I was just like, chin filler? Yeah, I don't do filler. What? Did you notice?

I mean, she had a thing. She was bleeding. Does it look better? Yes, she's beautiful. All my sisters are beautiful. Yeah, I think so. She told me, she said, well, it's not going to look good now. Huh.

Filler's about where the light hits. And, like, I think, like, it feels like a contouring choice. Botox is to do with movement and, like, lines. Uh-huh. Filler, like, I know as you age, like, just, face Like, there's more of like a sunken nature to your face But filler you can also take out And Botox also wears off So those things don't feel, you know

With the Botox, do you ever like try to like look sad And you're like, I can't look sad and communicate No, not at all What can't you do? You just can't do this? Yeah, I don't have those lines It means nothing All right, we'll get it Let's do it.

We'll do an episode. It's so nothing. It goes away in a few months. I don't even know where I'd go to get Botox here in New York. Anywhere. Yeah, MediSpas. Oh, the MediSpas. I thought you were saying like Dermatologist.

Or like the Dermatologist. Dwayne Reed. Dermatologist. Yeah, Dwayne. Over the counter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dwayne Reed. Put it in your rider, man.

Yeah. Can you imagine? Sashimi. Sashimi. And Botox. Sashimi. And Botox. Botox. And a breast reduction. Well, I got one of those vitamins.

Vitamin drip. Yeah. Vitamin drip. And I didn't, I don't need that. Was it helpful? No. I mean, I wasn't hungover. I don't really.

Why'd you do it? Because a nurse offered it for free after a show. She was just there? She was at a show And she said Do you want me to come by And we'll You and your opener

I'll give you a free thing And I looked at the prices I mean she was giving us I mean normally it was A lot of money Wow yeah yeah But I didn't feel any better at all I felt a little bit tingly

I felt a little guilty And it's just like It's like vitamin C It's kind of like Hey would you like Do you want a glass of orange juice, but through a needle in your veins? You're like, I'd take it the old fashioned way. Right. But I would like to, I would push myself one day to get like hung, fucked up so I could just be lying in bed. Yeah.

Yeah, that's what you need. Do you ever do a sauna cold plunge? You just go into the cold, you mean? Like, you know how it's popular to now do sauna and dunk in the cold yeah i do it it's it hurts yeah do you do you do it at home or you have you gone to like a place here and done it uh tova and i went to like a spa we don't have a if i do a spa plunge i have to do the cold and then do the warm after be horrible we did it uh yeah we did it you like it no i've actually that's a youth an aging hack people say we just gotta get used to dying guys we can't stay young forever yeah

but there was something tova's been talking about i guess on tiktok they say that all the young all the people in their 20s they look older now because they've all been doing all the fillers and botox super early and they say the whole part of the philosophy that I don't fully buy is like, it's like, well, the younger people look old and we look great. And I'm like, that seems like a biased. Yeah. It seems like a biased take. Right, right.

Yeah. All right. Well, Russ, you want to say something? Come on, Russ. About Botox or about young people? Oh, actually, I did meet someone recently in real life, and they were doing that thing where they're trying to make you feel old. I don't even remember this thing.

And then I was like, oh, how old are you? And they were like 22, and I couldn't even hide my face because I was shocked. I mean, they looked terrible for 22. Oh, wow. They looked. How bad of a face did you make? I thought that we were roughly the same age. Can I ask how old you are?

I'm 38. And how are you, John Marco? Say it. Don't lie. First of all, I don't lie. Okay. Someone inserted... You have things on the internet that some AI article made that is not accurate.

Somehow everywhere where John Marco's thing online, it's like he's aging himself four years younger. Or someone out there is aging him. So do you want to correct it now? Yeah. 28. I'm 35. You're 35.

Are you self-conscious about your age? No. No. Though I did get a couple comments recently where they said, I posted a picture of my face, and they said, gray hairs in beard. Ew.

And I was like, here we go. Here we go. It starts. But I don't even want to dye it. I don't want to dye it. I don't get why men ever care about their age. Your value isn't associated with it at all.

What are you talking about? Your value is not associated with your age. I am in entertainment. What do people talking about? Your value is not associated with your age at fucking all. I am in entertainment. What do people say about Paul Rudd? What's the one thing they say about Paul Rudd? That literally doesn't matter. Men are never being like, you're not,

nothing you get has to do with your age. Nothing. That's not true at all. That's 100% true. You're not aging out of anything. You age into getting better pussy, more money, and more work, and you're going to get better at your craft. You're literally, I don't know what you're talking about. There's no fucking way.

Yes, there is. People love, what is it called? Is it called old faces? It's called new faces. You're not even competing for those roles. You're a stand-up. It's way less a thing for you. It's so not a thing for you. It's so not a thing for you.

It's way less a thing, but it's not nothing. It's close to nothing. It's not nothing. It's very close to nothing for you. You're a male, white male stand-up and you're worried about your age? Not worried about my age. Think about the most successful stand-ups. Old white men. There's no, you're not like, oh, all my

favorite stand-ups are young white. Matt Reif is currently the most successful stand-up. Other than Matt Reif, when you not like, oh, all my favorite stand-ups are young white. Matt Rife is currently the most successful comedian. Other than Matt Rife. When you ask people. 28, I believe. When you ask people who they like, they list old white men. That's true. See?

Not me. Yeah, yeah, but. Maria Bamford. Dignitaro. Yeah, but. Ellen DeGeneres. Rosie O'Donnell. Most, all women, mostly lesbians.

Caroline Ray. All white, apparently. And Cat Williams. That's the slate for me. So I think you should just feel good about it. I would feel great about it if I were a man. For the most part, I feel great about it because I'm a lesbian. Explain that to me.

I just, I don't have to, I'm not living under, like, the male gaze as much. And I don't have to I'm not living under like The male gaze as much And I don't know why you are Like you're I don't know why you care so much About looking young Back to Paula Do you think it's related to career

Or do you think it's death Yeah good question Cause maybe it could be Just you're scared of like Oh I'm older You know me Business and life They are the same thing to me.

That's true, yeah. Death and career death are just equal. By the way, a fan brought me this. They said, I like your Instagram post. So they made me. That's cute. Oh, that's nice. Did they give it to you to show?

I didn't know what you were going to hold up. I thought it was like a baby's bib at first. It's cute. That's cute. But when they first showed it to me? I didn't know what you were going to hold up. I thought it was like a baby's bib at first. It's cute. That's cute. But when they first showed it to me, I was like, what is that? I wouldn't know what that is at first. Do you hang it up? Well, I don't know.

As you can see from the wrinkles, I've just kept it balled up in various places for the last three months. But I want to say something. That's nice. They made it. Yeah, we could put it on the wall. Yeah, they made it. And specifically because they said I liked your Instagram post. Oh, that's nice.

Oh, that's so sweet. It's very sweet. It's so wide for a heart. It almost has the right shape. Like if a doctor saw this, they'd go, you need to. I saw my doctor today. I'm very annoyed. I take Ambien sometimes.

And I need something stronger for a flight. And I want this for Australia. I want to be able to fall asleep for this flight to Australia. And then to Tokyo. And then back to LA. How long is that flight? 12? It's like 16.

I'll work. But I'm losing money on all of it. Okay. So Tova's going to go with me in Australia. I'm going to go to Tokyo alone. So I'm doing shows in Tokyo, but like at a small venue. I've always wanted to go to Tokyo.

And in my mind, I was like, if I'm all the way over there, I might as well do this. Yeah. Which I don't know if that's quite the right thinking. But this doctor was saying in New York, I guess they are very, there's a lot of oversight when it comes to any kind of drug that can be addictive.

So he was – it's just like this whole thing of like New York will not let you have Ambien and Xanax even though based on your history, you're not like overusing it. If you're hearing this song, it means we cut something out. Probably Russell being racist. Shh. I think just mix, make a cocktail of Ambien, Benadryl, melatonin, one pot gummy, and a drink. You'll be so fucked up. Tell me that one more time, that concocting. Do melatonin.

Melatonin. Benadryl. Throw in a Tylenol PM. Oh my God. No, you'll never wake up. Do Ambien and take a drink. You don't need Xanax, dude. See, if I took a 10 to 12 milligram edible,

that's enough for me to fall asleep. Unlike an uncomfortable plane seat, you can just... It makes me so tired that that's... Which way are you doing? If you don't have the window, are you going back like this? No, I always have the window. I always book a window. I need an aisle.

You need an aisle? I have to pee. Oh, sure. Do you not have to pee ever? Well, if it was a 16-hour flight, yes. But I could do five, six hours and not have to pee. Oh, wow. Wow, that's impressive.

I don't want to brag. I do want the aisle because I hate inconveniencing people by having to get up and do that whole thing. I feel really bad. And I just want to be able to go where I'm going. Yeah. And as a large fellow, I like to be stashed away and be like, I'm just here. You know what I mean?

Like in the corner. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Make yourself a small spot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Away from the cart coming up and down that aisle. That cart will catch you. Yeah. Well, that's why I can't do aisle.

Knock you. Aisle. I mean, my legs are like this. And then they bump it. And I go, what the fuck is wrong with you? And I go, I'm sorry. So are you flying commercial to Australia? Well.

Here we go. This is the one time. First class. I said, which class has the sushi option for the meal? We are going. It's not called first class for this particular flight it's called and maybe there is a first class option but we did there was nothing something that is comfort plus and we did what's above that i don't know if it's first class i hope it is because this price

was i'm using all my miles i'm using all my five thousand dollars yeah yeah like five thousand five thousand to six thousand more yeah and you're like $5,000, $5,000 to $6,000. Probably more, yeah. And you're like, it's upsetting. It's so much. That is upsetting. It's so much. And I've said before, I think these flights, horizontal. Let me lie down.

Yeah. That's what I'm paying for. You're going like, oh, I just want to be able to go horizontal. And I'm like, I'll stay horizontal. I mean, the one time I did first class it was I couldn't believe it I couldn't believe people lived this way

what was that for the first class honeymoon yeah Bora Bora and it was like you know you're even on the way to San Francisco and then to Tahiti but you're just you're just it's a bed you're just laying and it's you don't even there's a separate entrance. You didn't even see the people back there.

That's awesome. Can I tell you one of the worst things is sometimes I'll get a first class, very rarely, or I'll get bumped up. And it's not long enough for me still. So you go to lie down. Oh, really? And my legs are still a little bit like this. And I can't, that's enough. There's no sleep happening if I'm like this.

Oh, that's a shame. That really sucks. You know, there's a service now that you can sign up for that it's just like a separate security and gate check that's separate from the airport, and they just drive you up to the plane. This is expensive just to have that experience. It's almost like to,

so that you feel like you're going on a private jet. Oh. That's my next opening for Jeltsinick. That was exciting. to have that experience. Almost like to, so that you feel like you're going on a private jet. Wow. That's my next opening for Jelstinick. That was exciting. My next big thing would be going on a private jet with a comedian. I've been on a small airplane,

so I think I'm over the fear of it. Would you be scared to go on a private jet? No. I mean, not any more than normal flying. Well, let's go on to our

next segment, This Has Gotta Stop. This Has Gotta Stop. This Has Gotta Stop. Allie, do you have a This Has Gotta Stop? Oh, yeah, I do have a This Has Gotta Stop.

I, I hate people, everyone is calling their ex a narcissist. Yeah. A hundred percent. Yeah.

I hate it. I hate it. Yeah. Yeah. Like, everyone. Everyone is so much, yeah much yeah like it's not possible that they're all narcissists they don't all exist yeah and it's just it's just become one of these

words that we're just obsessed with and people like to glom on to it's just like my ex is a narcissist and like people don't even know what it means or they like do like tiktok psychology to back it up I find that infuriating, that everyone has has like a mini internet doctorate. And it's frustrating because all of my exes actually are narcissists. Yeah. And it, it dilutes it. I know. I,

I just don't, I don't, it's one thing if your ex is like abusive, but when you are, when people talk ill about their ex, I'm like, you don't look good right now. I know.

I'm not just listening to this. It's so rare. And, and there's this, there's this whole thing'm like, you don't look good right now. I know. I'm not just listening to this going like. It's so rare. And there's this whole thing of like, okay, then do you want to share why you picked them to date and why you were with them for five years? Like, don't lie to me. There's something you liked about them. Yeah, totally. I mean, of course, that's also a horrible look.

That's like sometimes what I think. I'm sure you don't watch Vanderpump Rules. But sometimes. My friend is dear friends with Ariana. Ariana. Yeah. And sometimes I think that about her when she's just. And like obviously what he did was atrocious.

He cheated on her for over a year with her friend. By the way, this isn't the first person to cheat. So I don't know. We're acting like it's like the first person ever to cheat. I don't know. That was such a weird thing we did. Like they were like, oh my God, he cheated. It's like, okay. But everyone cheat. I don't know. That was such a weird thing we did. We were like, oh, my God, he cheated. It's like, okay.

But everyone does that. I feel like, yeah, they get nervous if you normalize. I think people get nervous if you don't react big. Yeah. It was awful, and it had the added twist that it was a close friend of hers. Okay, again, it's not incredibly unique. But now she's like, he's a monster. He's a monster. I'm like, okay, well, he was your partner of 10 years.

Yeah. 10, a decade you're with this man. Yeah. So again, I feel terrible that he did this to you. Awful behavior, not justifiable. It's not a great look that she's now saying, you know, he's a fucking psycho. He's a not a, it's like. Yeah.

And sometimes. How can everyone be that? Also, sometimes then they'll find ways to like bring it into like every sort of interaction they have yeah like like the waiters like he's and so what do you want for dinner tonight and they're like oh my ex used to pressure me about what i want you know i mean and like i never knew what could make up my mind and you're like you're like okay but that's not really like sometimes you're just like i feel like you want to talk about this again and it's not really yeah related to what's happening yeah there needs to be some sort of exploration on the subject

matter like you know you obviously there should be time to talk about it but the way that it's just so incessant that everyone is kind of pinning that label on everyone they've dated yeah i i was at a college uh first college gig in quite a while, and I said something about anxiety. And I was like, who here has, like, struggles with anxiety? And it was every single person in the auditorium. And whether it be narcissism or whether it be anxiety or whether it be on the spectrum, we really are seeing, you know, the degree of, like,

we're all talking about mental health more. But then also it's a way where it seems like it becomes diluted in anyone who's selfish is a narcissist. Anyone who feels anxious ever has an anxiety disorder. And it's just like it comes to a point where then if everyone has it, how do you, how does it become useful? It's no longer useful. Right. Well, can I just push back for a second? It's just that anxiety, though, isn't a disorder.

The way that they expressed, like, an identifying nature with it was certainly very different than when I was in college, which is fine, but I'm sure we all had anxiety, too. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah, there's, like, a self-identification with it which is fine, but I'm sure we all had anxiety too. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah, there is, yeah, there's like a self-identification with it that is aggravating of like this is a part of who I am and like can't you just see?

And there's also this like sensitivity around certain like neuroses or like, I don't know, like I also think these like names for these different things allow us all to become, like, victims. Sure. And that is frustrating that it's like, well, can't you see, like, this is what's going on for me? And it's like, and underneath that is like, hey, I'm not in control. This happened to me. I'm a victim.

Yeah. And it's like, no one's a victim. Sure. To me. Sure. I don't know. I just feel like the people that I hear, certainly the men that I hear that complain about like victim mentality are always like the guys that I'm like, you are a narcissist. And I don't know.

I just feel like people who are victims are going to be victims whatever language they use. Yeah, 100%. You know, those people instead of calling someone a narcissist, they were calling their ex a bitch. Yeah. And like that's just what it was. use. Yeah, 100%. You know, those people, instead of calling someone a narcissist, they were calling their ex a bitch. Yeah. And, like, that's just what it was. Yeah. Yeah.

But it's just weird where people think that, like, where they can't see that they're going to badmouth everyone from their past and you're not going to look at them and go, clearly. It's the same with roommates. Wherever it goes, oh, my roommate, they were crazy. Yeah. Yeah. But did you ever have a crazy roommate? They were all crazy.

I had a crazy one once. Yeah. Really crazy. In which way? In a way, I think they're better now. I don't talk to them anymore. But they were certifiably having an issue. They were crazy in the way they...

I didn't know then. We didn't have the language then, but it was like it was an intense sort of scary thing. Keep those details away. I started saying, I was like, I shouldn't get into it.

It's such a funny thing to say. Keep those details away. Let's just call it crazy. Back before, Freud. You're just crazy. Get that crazy out of here. Put him in the crazy house. What's your This Has Got to Stop?

Oh, okay. So in videos when, okay, so people, sometimes they're interrupting politicians and they're doing things now. And I hate the like nerd alerts who are like, stop doing that. Like in the video, like when the people are interrupting a politician and then like the person like attending the seminar, the thing starts yelling at the protester. I feel it feels like teacher's pet. Sure. It feels a little like. You're saying, I mean, to be specific, we're talking like, like Biden is making a speech.

Yeah. Someone says, call for a ceasefire. Yeah. Someone next to him goes, excuse me. This is not what he wanted for this thing. No, let the security deal with it. Oh, I haven't seen that. You know, I feel like it happens all the time.

Yeah. It's just every time. More and more. There's just, there's just people at any kind of rally, but, but more, more of a with, with Democrats, I think where people shout out something and then there's the people going like, like, Hey,

you're not supposed to be doing that. This is not where you should be doing it. Security. And I'm like, yeah, just something where I'm like, so you're like, there's no good place for them to do that.

That's the whole point is for it to be disruptive. Yeah. And also like, what did they interrupt? Someone literally just a person saying a speech to repeat all agreed upon points. Like what's the point of, what's the point of the ritual?

Right. If not to have some kind of civic disobedience. You're like, there's the only time that they're going to have an opportunity to say this to this person. So of course they're going to do it here. That being said, if you're a heckler at one of my shows,

you, you rat them out. You toss them out. Um, let's see. My, this has got to stop is, so I tried taking a hip hop class in LA. And that's got to continue. That's wild.

I did it a little when I was in high school in musical theater. You did it here in New York City. Here at Juilliard. I played different animals. You for years did it here. You danced hip hop? Yeah. Wow. Wow.

No. Like not, like, oh, interesting. And then you see it, you go, okay. I'm dying to see this. You used to post videos of it. Yeah, I did. On Instagram. Yeah.

Are they still up there? They're deep. Deep. I'm going to find out. They're deep. Sure. Sure. You can ask your girlfriend to go do some investigative

reporting yes i would love that breaking news piece jim marco used to be a advanced beginner hip-hop dance take a weekly class and i go to la and like it's it's right there's a rough way to start back because these are these are dancers and not only that they're dressed they're all dressed so cool yeah they dressed so cool. Yeah. They're so cool. And I've never looked straighter in my whole life. I'm there in my basketball shorts and, like, my Nike tank top. I look hideous. My body is lanky and long, and I can't do the hip move.

And this class, after learning the – it was an hour 15 minute class after learning the choreo for like 30 minutes then the whole rest of the class is the filming part where they film you doing the choreo and so they break it up into groups but then they go by individuals and every individual they're making their instagram video for the day so they end their choreo doing like a 30-second piece. And everyone goes wild in applause. And I was like, okay, this segment should be like the end, like the last five minutes. Yeah. But especially in L.A., it was like it was 45 minutes where I'm like just sitting at the side.

And I get to do it one more time. It was horrible. No one's posting that video. And I think about with the arts, did you ever, did you do acting classes ever? Yeah. I think about how so much of my acting classes were me sitting, watching other people do their scenes.

And I think, yes, that's useful this much. And then I think about just how much you spent class just watching other bad actors do bad scenes. And then just to fill more fucking time, they go, anyone in the class have notes? And then you'd have to hear bad actors give bad actors bad notes. And you were told, well, this is improving you and i'm like i don't think so i think you're honestly like more practicing to be a critic like giving some

notes than actually doing the thing and i just think how so much of the arts if you're if you don't like monitor it becomes just just watching other people and it's like well that's not what this is i'll buy tickets if i want to watch something. That's a good point. I took like... Let him dance. Let him dance. Let him dance. And I just remember I once went back to an acting class.

I was like, there's a teacher that I always want to study with. He did a master class. And it was years after I'd stopped acting. And I remember sitting there going like, oh, this is bullshit. Once I was out of the system and I went back in for a second, I was like, I spent the whole day here just watching scenes. Yeah.

So I just don't like that. And this has got to stop. Yeah. Okay. Final segment. You better count your blessings. You better count your blessings. Russell, do you have a blessing?

You go first. My blessing is, as many times before, it is Tova. Especially yesterday was such a, we were shopping, and she just, I got that call, and it was just very much like, all right, the day's about me a little bit getting ready, and just she was very much help take care of

just going like alright our fun romantic Sunday is over it's time to get to Jersey helped with the outfit and just talking

and very supportive and it was very nice to have her there so thank you Tova you're my blessing mine is

this FedEx woman that lives in my neighborhood well she works at the FedEx in my neighborhood and I've had to go a few times to this whole thing the post office is not dropping things off and now I have to pick things up it's annoying but

I've kind of now know her and today I got there lying outside the door. But she saw me, and she waved me on to go up to her counter and cut the thing. And I was like, that was so nice. And it saved me a lot of time. I like to think there's a podcast somewhere else where they have a segment akin to This Has Got to Stop. And they're going, cutting the line at FedEx.

Who the fuck do you think you are? I'm surprised. But she could tell that I was, my thing was quick. She knows I was just picking up a thing and other people were, you know, there's like lots of things happening. I mean, she probably didn't know, but she was helpful. What was the package? It was a thing for the roof.

Sure. One of those sex toy things where it was just like this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the pussy just like, yeah. Yeah. Allie, do you have a blessing? Yeah, oh my God, my blessing. I'm feeling, I'm so grateful that our careers allow us to do things like this for a living.

The fact that I can make any money just talking is insane to me. Do you think you were getting paid for this? No, this is, you know, but. This is charity work. You know what I mean? Of course. The fact that that is just always amazing to me. That like anyone can do what they want and live off of it.

That's a blessing. Also my girlfriend. Since you mentioned Tova. But I thought we weren't allowed to say we're grateful for our girlfriends based on that email. You could say a specific thing. Like if she like helped take down an enemy of yours with some of her reporting. She did. Yeah.

Oh, also Martin Short coming to the show. That was very cool to get to perform for someone like that. This is chaos. I know. Sorry. I just was adding a thing. I didn't think about that. And I was like, oh, it's a legend.

And I got to meet him after. And I met him before. But it was a nice like you're gonna bring up every time you meet Martin short yeah start working on her twice murders in the building every episode is like so I've been Martin short today but uh no very sweet and it was like it was very cool to just stay you know that's cool yeah we're so blessed we are okay that's enough of that so final thing final thing this is coming out

Oh my god, where'd my Did I bring my phone? This is coming out, Jesus Christ Does it matter? Some of us have shows Oh, you're going to promote shows, okay The weekend is coming out Can you pull up your calendar?

Open it real quick I gotta fix this calendar behind you It says March Are we in April probably yes keep going it's gonna be so this is coming out

April 16th this weekend I'm gonna be at Comics Mohegan Sun oh that's good I swear to god this is probably

the fifth time I've headlined comics in my entire life it's always a good time not always I mean I've had a good time when I've winsought yeah yeah yeah it'll be a good time and Not always. I mean, I've had a good time when I've win-sought. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It'll be a good time. And then remember, we got Downside merch available. Link in the comments. And we got our live taping May 3rd for Netflix is a Joke with guest, we have now announced it, Moshe Kasher at the Comedy Store Original Room Friday, May 3rd. And then after that, Uncle Function. We'll be doing Uncle Function Friday May 3rd at 930ish

in LA as well and Allie where can people find you? I'm at Allie Colbert on Everything also Netflix Festival May 12th oh

where? Legion Theater Legion Theater what were you about to say? yeah about to go back to Martin Short? no

no I was gonna say you have two more weeks to see me in Titanic still? April 16th April 16th I'm done the 28th Yeah. About to go back to Martin Short? No. No, I was going to say you have two more weeks to see me in Titanic. Still? April 16th. April 16th. I'm done the 28th. Okay.

Yeah. Well, didn't we just say that this is coming out after that? No, you said April 16th. Oh, I see. I'm saying I have two more weeks. We'll see you in Titanic. We'll see you in Titanic. I'm going to.

I'm going to. And, you know, remember, no matter what we said on this podcast, for all you know, by the time this comes out, all three of us will be single. This is the downside. You're listening to the downside with John Marco Cerezi.