The Downside with Gianmarco Soresi - #205 The Divorced Dad Special with Dan Soder

Episode Date: May 7, 2024

Comedian Dan Soder can tell if you’re a child of divorce just by looking at you, and once he’s sized our producer up, we talk about why divorced dads give the best gifts, the joys of smoking cigs while playing with action figures, and why Boston Dynamics must be stopped. You can watch full video of this episode HERE! Join the Patreon free for 7 days for ad-free episodes, exclusive content, and MORE. Follow Dan on Instagram, TikTok, Twitter, & YouTube See Dan in a city near you: https://www.dansoder.com/tour Listen to Dan's podcast, Soder: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/soder/id1716617572 Watch Dan's new special, Dan Soder: On The Road: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Lik3hSyhrY Follow The Downside with Gianmarco Soresi on Instagram Get tickets to our live podcast recording in NYC on May 13 https://www.showclix.com/event/the-downside-w-gianmarco-soresi Follow Gianmarco Soresi on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, & YouTube Subscribe to Gianmarco Soresi's email & texting lists Check out Gianmarco Soresi's bi-monthly show in NYC Get tickets to see Gianmarco Soresi in a city near you Watch Gianmarco Soresi's special "Shelf Life" on Amazon Follow Russell Daniels on Twitter & Instagram E-mail the show at [e-mail] Produced by Paige Asachika & Gianmarco Soresi Video edited by Dave Columbo Technical production by Chris Mueller Special Thanks Tovah Silbermann Original music by Douglas Goodhart Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Shop at Sephora today. Limitations apply. Must be a beauty insider. See terms at sephora.com for complete details. Welcome to The Downside. I'm here with my co-host, Russell Daniels, who just had a big callback. This coming out after you booked the understudy for it. So feel free to... So Russell, he just did, he was an understudy on a Broadway show and this is a this is a big

big audition for a Broadway show yeah but we don't have to talk about it too much because I don't know you know I won't know if this will come out

it'll be done I know I know it'll be sad did you feel good did you walk in did you feel you feel hot

was it oh I felt great I mean it was for the whole team got the laughs song went well they had me do another song and your voice sounds in perfect condition was it? I felt great. I mean, it was for the whole team. Got the laughs. Song went well. They had me do another song. Your voice sounds in perfect condition. No, I know that's the thing. Well, and I've been juicing. Have you? He's been juicing. You've been taking steroids?

I've taken two, and I took one this morning. Does it make you nervous that it's going to do any long-term damage? No, because I can already tell when I did it. I did it once the other day because I'm in a show does it make you nervous that it's going to do any long-term damage? No, because, um, I can already tell when I did it, I did it once the other day cause I, I'm in a show right now and, uh, it was just like my voice cause allergies and shit. And I scream a lot in the show.

It's just been going, take voice lessons. Why won't you take voice lessons? I'm not, not going to, I have two weeks left in this show. I'm not going to take a voice lesson. This show's done,

but you're not going to do it now. Now, now he said, if he does another broadway show i will i'm promising now i will bully him into getting voiceless well it just seems like it makes sense as far as an investment in your career yeah to control your instrument it's the way i feel I feel that every comic should be in therapy because it's like your brain is your thing that makes you money. Why wouldn't you want the upkeep on it? You want to talk about therapy too. Let's think of another thing.

I'm also still getting into like I didn't think I would be doing like Broadway shows. So it's still like a mind thing of like oh, I guess I gotta be smart about this. And I know that if I went to a voice teacher right now for the show I'm in right now, and they were like, and I was like, I'm having trouble losing my voice. And they went and saw

the show. They'd be like, yeah, you fucking idiot. You're screaming like very unhealthily for like every night. And I would just be like, well, this show has to be that. So now if I know what the next show is, it wouldn't be like that. He doesn't need a teacher because he already knows everything they're going to say and do. No. Fuck you. That's just – fuck you. Anyways, and I might not need it because I – who's to say – I could have done one Broadway show and that's it.

Never again. So who knows? I hope. But it went well. I felt good about it. show and that's it. Never again. So who knows? But it went well. I felt good about it. I hope you book it. Now we're going to do a little tour of the downside. Our plans are now like we have to do the if Russell books it,

if Russell doesn't. No, but I think there could still be another thing on tomorrow or Friday that I would have to do. So I don't know if that was the final round. Dan, what was the last Broadway show you saw? Oh, I've only – uh Hamilton a friend of mine got me a ticket to Hamilton and how how'd you feel four years ago you like it it was very cool here's the thing uh whenever I go to I've been to Book of Mormon I've been to Hamilton very basic shows the ones that are like you know reach stoner idiots like me uh I'm always like oh that's talent like i'm around comics all the time but

then you see a broadway show and you go those motherfuckers are talented uh-huh it's it's live it's on stage and they're doing something that you're like i also feel like wow we're ripping people off yeah oh like comics, yeah. Like comics. I disagree. See, I disagree. And I also think that, like, I mean, Broadway. People, the Broadway prices are crazy. Now, I've got, yeah.

I mean, I paid a shit ton for Book of Mormon. I was in a Broadway show this fall, and I had to pay when my family came. See, that's insane. I had to pay $250 for my parents to have good seats. A ticket or for total? A ticket. That's crazy. I had to pay $250 for my parents to have good seats. A ticket or for total? A ticket. That's crazy. I had to buy four tickets. It was $1,000.

When you saw when it broke the box office record, you're like, fuck, that was me. That was my family. That was my family. Yeah. Yeah. I think the culture of Broadway sucks, but I think the actual performance is mind-blowing.

It's mind-blowing to be able to sing while acting. I don't know. Musicals make me laugh, though, because the moment they go from talking to singing always is... It's a delicate... It's so delicate. If you don't do it right, it's very funny. It's so funny.

When I saw Rent in theaters, it was a big deal, this movie premiere, and two of the actors were in the audience, which has got to be stressful. very funny. When I saw Rent in theaters, it was a big deal. This movie premiere. And I was with it. And two of the actors were in the audience. Which has got to be stressful. I never want to be in a movie theater watching a movie. It's like watching your special with people. And Anthony Rapp, who was in the audience,

he's the first one to sing. And he's like, how do you... And you heard the audience go... And you're like, it's over! It's done! Did you see the clip of when Mean Girls, the musical, came out you see the clip of when mean girls the musical came out and the people laughed when the first person started singing oh yeah because they were like i think they thought it was a remake i don't think they thought it was a musical so they were like

they tried to advertise it subtly like people would buy the ticket get there and go oh my god yeah that's how i've had to trick people my whole life yeah and then they meet me they're like oh my god what's with the song and dance? Yeah. The thing I was going to complain, I saw these pictures of Timothy Chalamet as Bob Dylan. Yeah. And they make me really mad because Bob Dylan, listen, he's the kind of guy that's handsome in retrospect. I don't buy this.

He was good. I mean, like, but people are like, he was really cute. I'm like, he was successful and he's weird and quirky. now you go that's handsome well the success you're right the success made him handsome and these pictures and he's small right in real life he's small but tim is he's small too that's what i'm saying there's that one picture of him making out with a gal on the boat and you see him he's shirtless you're like oh he's shirtless, and you're like, oh, he's scrawny. But that's... Face. Beautiful face. I think as far as those kind of movies go, what throws me is the teeth are always too nice. Yeah.

Always. I've seen it. I have a bit about it. But in Holocaust movies, you'll see the prisoners and their teeth are... Are veneered. Yeah. They're just like... And you're like...

You're not a game show host. Was this what the Nazis were experimenting with? Just the perfect set of teeth? That was, Goebbels was like, him and Mengele are going, what if we give them the perfect teeth? We can practice our dentistry on the Jews. We'll make them the kind of white Hitler would have liked. Oh, look at that.

It's a perfect alien. The pearly whites. That's like when I saw, what's that play? It's about the kid on the spectrum. Curious Incident. The Curious Incident of the dog at night? Yes. That sounds made up.

So that was like 10 years ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 10 years ago. And the kid playing it, great. Like fully convinced me. Sure. He's on the spectrum. Great performance.

And at one point in the show, they had him take his shirt off. Ripped. Crazy. And you're like, this, no. Crazy. There's no 13, 14-year-old kid that is, we're going to believe it, ruins it. There is a certain kind of special need that is strong, but it's never ripped. It's like old-timey strongman body.

It made me so mad because it was that broad-three thing of like, wasn't anyone in the room being like, hey, let's just leave the shirt on and it'll be a great performance. It won't take us out of it. It takes everyone out of it. That's an honest note where you go that would take me out. You're just in the room and you go, that takes me out. Immediately, look at this kid's six pack abs

and 4% body fat. I once had an audition. It was for like a terrible rom-com with Emilia Clark and it was like the nerdy friend. And it was like a moment I was like, maybe. It was for like a terrible rom-com with Emilia Clarke. Yeah. And it was like the nerdy friend. And it was like a moment I was like, maybe, maybe. And then on page 96, his name was Duncan. And it was like, there's a pool party. And the action says, Duncan takes his shirt off.

Everyone does a triple take. He's jacked. And I was like, what? Page 96. Where were the scenes of him at the gym? I don't mind if you show the scenes of like Duncan's really obsessed with it where's Duncan tonight it helps with his anxiety you know I always it always goes back to I always bring this up it always goes back to the thank you was smoking thank you for smoking yeah where they have that line where he goes but there's no oxygen

on in space and the guy goes we'll take care of that one line of dialogue and it's like do that yeah just go like yeah oh he's at the gym he goes to the gym yeah well then you're like all right well that makes it all the leftovers you ever see the leftovers justin thoreau katie watched that she like loved that oh it's really cool but this guy he just smokes cigarettes and goes for jogs and his body is astounding yeah how long was the jog yeah how were you going up a mountain you gotta do showed him jogging though that that is that was it but his six-pack was stunning he's the most beautiful man in the world yeah you go and show him doing like those hard lifts like on uh on scaffolding yeah lifting his legs up and keeping the power up like they even

have a witch come by ran it's a magic show witch A witch and goes, it's not a magic show. No, it is. The Leftover is about death and people disappear and they come back to life. It's about people leaving the earth and blah, blah, blah. It's not a magic show. They don't have witches on there.

But just to justify it. A mystical thing happened. It's mystical magic, though. Yeah, yeah, okay. But the thing with the Bob Dylan thing is it's just like, if you are that good looking, if your face is that stunning,

the trajectory of your life has changed the thing i can't wait to see is the voice yeah does he do the because if he doesn't or if he does it poorly car wreck car wreck if no one goes timothy that that's not it if he's going like i, I don't know, I was thinking about playing the harmonica while I was singing. Maybe. If he does it good, maybe. But if it's bad, I can't wait

to see it. It seems like there's a lot of pressure on trailers these days, too, because they can get like... That Amy Winehouse one got destroyed. I thought she sounded... I can't really tell. I don't know Amy Winehouse, but I was like, that's fine. Well, I think... Are you talking about the voice or the singing? The tell I don't know Amy Winehouse But I was like that's fine Well I think Are you talking about the voice Or the singing The singing

The singing they go The singing is Amy Winehouse I think No Are you sure I'm 100% sure If you're an actor And you get that role

You go I will lip sync I think so yeah Unless you're When it's someone like Winehouse I don't think you can I don't think you can lip sync anymore Or Freddie Mercury You can't do that

People don't respect it. He did it for Freddie Mercury. He lip synced. He lip synced? Yeah. You're not going to have Freddie Mercury's voice. Yeah, that's like... What are you talking about?

When you're a vocal range of a lifetime, like an Amy Winehouse or a Freddie Mercury... You think Mr. Robot's going to sing like fucking Freddie Mercury? He's just on set. He's just you trying to get out of voice lessons again. He's just like, oh, someone else do it. That's it. This is the downside.

He goes, you know what? Yeah, I should lip sync on Broadway. You're listening to The Downside. The Downside. With Gianmarco Cerezi. Well, hello, everyone. This is, again, The Downside. By the way, if you're a fan of the show, join the Patreon.

Patreon.com slash downside. We're doing live episodes there, bonus episodes. I think we're going to live stream our live episodes there, too. Oh, my gosh. We just did one in L.A. with Moshe Kasher, at least when this comes out. And check it out, patreon.com slash downside. We are here with, to be honest,

the level of guests that normally cancels the day before. Normally cancels the day before. Oh, really? It's a risk. You get to a point in life where you're like, we're going to go for it, and it could cancel.

I want to know names. Who was canceled? We'll tell you after. And it's always the day before. It's like a confirmed, confirmed, confirmed. I'm a week before guy. Oh, that's good. But you were... We started the conversation a year ago yeah yeah i here's the

thing i don't look at my emails i get so much the level of spam emails i get mixed with i know if it's an important business thing yeah someone will text me. My agents know, my manager knows, I suck at emails. Comedy clubs that do avails, they'll send me a text that goes, hey, I sent you an avails email. And then I can go in, and I saw your email, and I was like, oh yeah, we'll do that. And then I

just was like, oh fuck, I never answered that. And then I saw you, and I was like, I'm sorry I never answered your email. Because when I see people, I realize it. And then I feel bad. Well, so I just need sorry I never answered your email. Because when I see people, I realize it. And then I feel bad. Well, so I just need to get Joe Pera's phone number then. Yeah. I think if you have, and we got one name.

We got one name. Add it to the list. I'll drop them all by the end. I got a lot of them. Little Easter eggs. You got to listen to the whole episode to get all the names. I don't mind. I don't mind. I mean, canceling sucks.

Just give me a reason. And you can lie to me. But give me something. Please. I love a lie. Give me't mind. I mean, I, canceling sucks. I, you just give me a reason and you can lie to me, but give me something. I love a lie. Give me a lie. Give me a lie. I've lied. I've had my grandma die. We've talked about it before,

way back in the day. Well, here's, here's a lot. She was already dead. That, that's it. That's what you want.

You never, never do. You know what you do? You can, you can, you can jump around. You can, you can fudge the timeline.

Never lie out loud. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because then you're inviting bad karma. Yeah. We've had recent breakups, which I guess that's fair. Yeah. Depending on the relationship. Sure.

But that depends. For me, I'm like, recent breakup, let's record now. Yeah, I want the pain. Let's do it right now. Get it on wax. Oh. Sure. But that depends on, like, for me, I'm like, recent breakup, let's record now. Yeah, I want the pain. Let's do it right now. Get it on wax. Oh. Yeah. I'm very bad at follow-up emails. That would be my, I'm not a canceler,

I'm a good luck getting me to follow up on an email. Sure. We were supposed to record a podcast at our apartment, Katie and I, with a friend, a mutual friend, Pablo Torre. And we were supposed to do this like setup and did not respond to the production follow-up email. And it just like – and I got an email from Katie that was like, hey, we had to take care of it. And I was like, oh, shit.

And that was where I was like, yeah, that is my weakness. My weakness is follow-up. Oh, I didn't say your name. Dan Soder, welcome to the show. Comedian, podcaster now. Radio personality before that. I mean, you know, all of it. So thank you for coming.

The last thing I want to say about that, that Timothee Chalamet reminded me, I had a roommate once who was like a model. Yeah. Like a fucking, like he'd come out of the shower in a towel and I'd be like, I'd be curious.

Yeah, he'd be like. I'd lie in a bed and just see what happens. You get Sparta. You get Sparta. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like you understand how the Spartans were like, no, gay sex is masculine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you understand how the Spartans were like, no, gay sex is masculine. Yeah, yeah.

And then you see 300, and you go, well, if you're looking at that. Yeah, yeah. Like, yeah, of course. Gay sex is the straightest thing you can do. They're like, dude, it's so fucking cool. Wait, but you think that about Timothee Chalamet? No, he's talking about his roommate.

No, but then you're referencing it in terms of- This was like Timothee's level. For me, Timothee is the face. It was like Timothy's level. For me, Timothy is the face. It's the face. This is like the face mixed with like... This goes back to... I was an Abercrombie and Fitch. That was my generation of like, I want to look like that.

This was like someone who was just like lean and cut. They wouldn't let me in those doors. Well, you couldn't get through them. That's not fair. You know what's so funny is how outwardly mean they were They were To people that they were like don't come in here They really had bouncers

They had hot shirtless bouncers that were like What are you doing This is the place that looked like it had like a porch Yeah it was like a beach house You look like you're like how did I get to Nantucket In Aurora Colorado And they were like no no no The music was too loud You look like you're like, how did I get to Nantucket in Aurora, Colorado? And they're like, no, no, no. The music was too loud.

Oh, yeah. And this is Mark Wahlberg did pictures. And I remember the elephant. They're all naked on the elephant. Yeah. Yeah. And then it turned out. I mean, then you found out about all the like during the Me Too era.

They were like, yeah, that was that was rife with problems. Of course. Yeah. Modeling. Yeah. The model where Modeling. Yeah. That's where it started. Sexual harassment and modeling is like, yeah, brain damage in football. Duh.

Yeah. Like it's, that goes without saying. Mental, unhealthy, people who are crazy in comedy does not blow my mind. Sure. Yeah, it's attention-seeking lunatics. And you want the humor over everything the same way a photographer is like yeah i could spend 12 hours just photographing kids yeah and when they go like can you believe the army's fucked up and you go oh the people that kill other people for resources

yeah yeah oh that's fucked up yeah this idea this like idea that everyone's gonna be like um sinless and just perfect it's's like, that's stupid. You're stupid when you're blown away by that. Oh, Harvey Weinstein's the scumbag? The guy that makes- A Hollywood producer? A Hollywood producer. But you've, okay, because I think I go through a thing now.

I've been to LA enough times where in my mind I'm like, oh, everyone's super successful. They're all insufferable. They're all crazy. Wellable they're all crazy well they're all liars la is it is built on a bedrock of insecurity it is going like if i shout the loudest that i have the nicest things everyone around me goes, they're doing fucking awesome. It's like they're trying to make you as jealous as possible. And someone who's insecure like me, you're like, oh, it works. That's why I can't go to LA.

I'm like, oh, everyone's doing so good. What makes you insecure? I mean, probably my childhood. But they're bragging. They're like, hey, I had a great dinner with my dad last night. No, but just that comes with confidence. That comes with the confidence that I can tell you someone that is close to their dad. I can feel that energy.

Tell me what you can feel. It's usually someone that's like, yeah, I don't care what people think. Like, fuck them. What, are they mad at me? I don't care. And if you were abandoned by your father, you're either violent or very like, please don't be mad at me. It is that. It is like, oh, shit, are you okay?

Are you mad at me? So what do you think that, so. That means that you are, that means that your father, your connection, the way that slutty women have their, you know how they always go like, daddy issues. Or like if a guy is like. She's saying that a lot. But if you say like, or if, a man is abusive towards a woman, you're like, oh, mommy issues.

You can diagnose all that. I mean, that's all. Sure. Basically, what I've learned from therapy is. I don't know if mommy issues is just abuse. I think it could be overly needy. I consider myself, like, a mommy issues guy. Okay.

But in the way that I'm needy. I want too much from my... That's the head and tails of what I said with the violent versus the, oh, please don't be mad at me. Sure, sure, sure. It's the same coin, just different sides. It's just you are in a fit,

you're lacking in something. People with, I can tell you who had, like I can hang out with someone and go, you had married parents. Like they don't even have to tell me. I can and go, you had married parents. Like they don't even have to tell me. I can be like, you had married parents. Let's say. No, I know yours.

I talk about it nonstop. No points there. You've given it away. I've been wearing a wire on you. I would say married parents divorced later. No. Still married. Still married.

There's a calmness to him. Yeah. There's been a calmness to him. Yeah, there's been a calmness to him That makes me go. Yeah, it might not have been the best marriage, but it stayed together. It's good So funny it's like we're getting more learning more than when we had a psychic Would say I would say just from what I've met from you, married parents. For sure. Whoa.

Yeah, you can just tell. That was our producer, Chris. Because you know what there is? Me and you, there's a franticness to us. There's a fucking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you get around people and you go like, hey, let's make a relationship right here. Hey, fine, I didn't have that back there. What can I give you that will make you stay?

What can I give you that will make you stay? You're i give you that you're much more socially engaged than i am though i i crawl back you you engage well i also my tank runs empty and i gotta get out of there yeah uh-huh so that's why i used so many substances because that kept me around it dulled it and i just stayed around someone's substances like i only can do substances if I'm in a good mood. See? If I'm in a bad mood, there's nothing that can be done. I've got to go for a pace or, you know. It's 100% a social lubricant for me. You dump alcohol, drugs into me, and I go like, yeah, I can hang out.

Because I used to have to sit there in my own brain as a kid with no lubricant and just go like,'m overthinking i'm anxious i'm depressed like i tell you i've been noticing recently when i get a little bit high i become much more socially engaged and much more interested and i don't know what to do with that information yeah because like the other day i accidentally was a little bit high left over and i had a spot at the cellar and And that was not my intention. Sure. Esty listens. And I got there and I was like talking. Do you shut up high?

Why did you shut up high? You give me your revails? I listen to your podcast? Why are you high? I give revails for the rest of the year. Old dates. But I showed there and I was like talking to people and i was getting along when we did shrooms you were so like uh social when we were yeah like and i got very

quiet yeah on shrooms yeah i and and what i do is i'll get social i can hang out for a while and then i leave and i just beat myself up like oh why the fuck would you shut the fuck up? Why are you talking so much? Well, let's talk about dads. I mean, yeah. I've made a career off it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So your parents were married. I did my research.

But you were born in Hartford? Yeah, Hartford, Connecticut. My mom worked for Aetna, Life and Casualty. What is that? Insurance. Insurance. Hartford was the insurance capital of the United States. You never had a fucking job.

It was like... Or your parents had cool jobs. For you not to know that, your parents weren't stuck in the rat race if you didn't know Aetna. You mean my parents had just a different life insurance? I would say like... No, just insurance is boring.

It's like knowing like, yeah, they just grabbed a job that was like a decent paycheck. Okay. Health insurance. So what did she, did she assess if someone deserved their insurance? At times. She was a, she worked in life and casualty and then she was a trainer. That's when we moved to Denver. She got transferred to Denver. her whole family was there her mom her uh her dad's family lived there all of like my

second cousins were there and my mom was like this would be great dan's an only child he'll have a lot of opportunity to have cousins his age and that was honestly perfect i grew up with a lot of like um people cousins close to my age, and that was a great family to be around. Because my dad's family was very into drugs and alcohol. Really? Because your dad, he had had a kid before. Yeah, he had my half-sister, Michelle, 12 years before I was born.

And where did they live? So he left her and her mom when she was like four, and they lived in Southern California, and specifically Riverside and Fontana. He'd leave them high and dry yes yeah yeah yeah cheated i think he cheated on my sister's mom and then she kicked him out and then he moved back to san francisco where he was from the bay area so that's always was the central location for my dad's family was east oak with oakland conquered walnut creek and then marin and then uh lake county up north that's what my my father's father left and started a second family

in florida but i don't have i never get the full picture well they don't ever want you to know it because once you start looking at it it's like you know when you get into it it's like uh it's like crawfish it's just mostly guts and shit and then there's a little bit of meat. You know what they mentioned the other day? They said that apparently, I think there was like a miscarriage or a baby who died, and they said, oh, yeah, there was a girl buried in the backyard. Jesus Christ! I was like, I have another aunt, I guess, or was an aunt.

Oh, my God, what the fuck's going on? Is that my phone? Sorry, I don't know what that is. But it was like, how could you not bring this up? I struggle talking to my father. Sure. He says, he goes on loop monologues. If I say, Dad, tell me about your dad,

who died before he was born. He just goes, oh, son, he was a monster. He had a lot of talents, but he was just an awful father. Awful father. And he'll say the same three sentences, and that's it. There's no new information. He doesn't tell you about what the talents were? He's

credited as a lyricist on one of Mary Clooney's songs. He made weird art stuff. He made weird art stuff. He seemed to have, his name's Carl Cerezi, but that's it. And then he leaves.

What was the bad stuff? Abusive? I never even hear. I think, you know, beats, but also like, I feel like all dads did that back then. Yeah, that was a sign of the times. It was like smoking inside.

They just like didn't know, oh, this is really bad it was just like they were closer to primates than we are so they were doing animal shit someone was molested like i sometimes wonder if i'm so i'm very like i want to talk about all of it well we're the snitch generation yeah we like we want to put everything online we want to put everything on podcasts we want to put everything in our stand-up we want to talk about it our parents and their parents they're like no no no it reminds me you don't talk about this shit yeah there's some uh there was a tiktok trend where it showed like all the siblings as kids and then flash forwards like 20

years later they're doing the same pose and then there's one where one of the kids was then an urn like on their stomach and you're just like, yeah, that is incredible. As opposed to my family who one day drunk, they go, oh yeah, that was Aunt Catherine who died when she was three months. And you're like, Jesus. You didn't make a TikTok about this?

Think about the content. You would have gotten so many likes on a bad thing. But I lean towards transparency as a good. I think's good i also you know what it reminds me of is like um when i used to drink a lot uh everyone would talk about the guinness in ireland the guinness in the uk and then you find out well they clean their beer lines every night they they clean them out with water they make sure they're clean so the beer tastes better

the united states they never clean their beer lines out so it's it's rotten you're just getting like bud light that's like drifting through all this old shit and that's their generation they never clean their lines yeah and we're like let's clean it out clean it out make it fucking is is because it's better for you it's better for you to get it out just fucking vomit it out when did you find out keep up a russell's mic a little bit do you mind i was worried about When did you find out... Can you turn up Russell's mic a little bit? Do you mind? I was worried about... When did you...

We're recording separate tracks, right? When did you find out about your dad's previous family? How old were you? Oh, well, my mom... One of my favorite things about my mom is she's like... There's not a lot of bullshit. She's like, hey, what's going on? We're going to clean this up.

So when she married my dad, he was like, yeah, I have a daughter who is, I think she was like six at the time. And my mom was like, great. You're going to start paying child support. And you're going to, I would like to meet her. And my dad was like, oh, I don't even talk to her. And my mom was like, well, what's your ex-wife's name?

We're going to get in touch. Did your mom take that as any kind of red flag? No. No? And that's where we landed in the situation we did. You know, she had the right instinct, but didn't execute perfectly. Is she super, I mean, that's a very generous.

Oh, I don't even talk to her. Yeah. I don't know. What is she doing? Well, also, my father was very charming. So I don't know what he even talk to her yeah i don't know what is she doing i don't well also my father was very charming so i don't know what he what he actually said to her yeah he's very funny very charming so and also my my father's family they're all dead now so i can say this they were very deceptive they did a very good job of going well it's their fault well i couldn't talk to her because of this yeah because i went through it and then I saw it

and I was like, oh. That's my dad. Every girlfriend, she went a little crazy. Yes. And you're like, you cheated and she found out.

You caused her. How could you not? That's a huge detail. You caused her to be crazy. Yeah. So my grandmother just died and I was the only one left. Me and my cousin was the only one left me and my cousin were the only two ones left and my cousin wasn't really in the picture and then my grandmother would do this

thing where i would i sent her money i would i would go visit her she lived in this small horrible town in northern california that's just like dilapidated and run down and i would go up there and i would i my aunt was dying in 2007 and she was like hey can you make sure you take care of nana you know your grandmother and i was like yeah so i started making money i started sending her money i started making sure that she was okay that um you know and then i find out she's got a reverse mortgage and she's borrowed completely against it so she's crazy under debt so she's like quarter of a million dollars in debt on a town on a townhouse that will never recoup that

yeah she's been taking money from me but tells her neighbor like don't tell dan i have any money in the bank or he'll stop sending me money so it becomes this thing and then i start finding out well yeah she my dad stole money from my mom that's what got why they got divorced my father took money from a guy in order to make money and it failed just alone outside the system outside the system needed to pay it back criminal like he's gonna no it was actually the honest truth is it was in the stock market the stock market in the 80s yeah there was it was um kind of like what gambling is now a draftraftKings where people were like a Wolf of Wall Street type exactly situation this guy was like hey I can give you this money

you can put it in uh in the stock market and you can make a lot of money for your family and this is in Connecticut where guys are driving up from New York City my dad was a bartender yeah he met this guy he gave my dad money my dad failed Instead of, and this is a running theme with my father, instead of accountability, instead of going, hey, I fucked up, I owe this guy $15,000, he went into the shared bank account that he had with my mom. This is before the internet. Cuts this guy a check for $15,000.

He pays the guy back. Hides the bank statements from my mom we get we move to denver my mom gets contacted by a lawyer that goes hey the bank this bank in connecticut's looking for you yeah and she's like why the fuck would you be looking for me i have 15 000 in that bank and they go no you don't and she goes what do you mean and they're like well you're crazy overdrawn they're they want to pursue legal action. And my mom's like, impossible. Who would take that money?

And then he's like, well. And then as we're moving into a house, this is so stupid about my dad. He kept the bank receipts. So she found a box with the bank receipts. And she. At the time it says stolen. Yeah. Make sure nobody finds out.

Naughty, naughty behavior. Secret box. Don't look if you're Trish. And my mom finds it, and that was the moment where she confronted my father. And she said, listen. How old are you at this point? I'm five. And my mom was like, did you take money from our bank account?

And he said, no. And she goes, I'm going to give you one more opportunity. Are you lying to me? And he said, no. And then she hit him with the bank statement she said get the fuck out of my house and my mother said it clearly says don't read this at the top if you're trish you can't read but and so and then that begins the cycle of oh this is how he did it with his first family he's allowed to go back to san francisco he moves in with my grandmother my grandmother goes that trish she's the problem all she cares about is money uh she won't let you see your son and my mom goes he's not paying child support he left because my mom asked my dad she

said listen we're divorced this is done please stay in denver i need i want you to stay close to dan i want you to be in dan's life Because she knows that he already fled on one kid. And my dad goes, got it. Then just in the middle of the night, moves to San Francisco. And my mom's like, great. Do you remember distinctly? Where's dad? I remember her kicking him out.

Because my mom was up in her bedroom. And it was the summer. And she said, your dad's not going to live here anymore. And I said, why isn't he going to live here? And she said, well, we're getting a thing called a divorce. He's not going to be living here, but I still love you. He still loves you. She tried doing that.

It's not your fault. Yeah, yeah. Classic. It's not your fault. And then when he left, my mom sat me down, and she's like i your dad moved to san francisco we've got to go get his stuff out of his girlfriend's apartment and we went to the apartment that was by my mom's house on iliff and parker yeah and got his stuff and my mom was like you know i didn't see him for a little bit. And then, like, the ice melted a little. And then it was like a couple phone calls.

And then she's like, you're going to go visit him. And then I started going out to San Francisco. My grandma would pay for me to go. Because technically it was me going to visit my grandmother. But my dad lived with her. So it was like. Do you remember when you saw your dad that, like, first time? He was like, what's up, buddy?

Yeah. He was just like, what's up? And I was just so stoked to see him. I was six i was like dude i have been missing you what's up i didn't understand the ramifications of what was going on were you mad at your mom like because you don't know the reasoning you just go why the fuck did you do this yeah i was mad at my mom that's what's so i think what's so hard with my father is like later i find out all these things where i'm like oh this was your fault yes But my anger is so it's so long ago. Let me tell you this. And I've just realized this recently through therapy and also watching some of my other family members go through this.

You're mad at who sticks around. The anger goes to who's there, not who's gone. Because whoever's gone, you're you're you're yelling at the wind. But someone's there. You're like're you're yelling at the wind but someone's there you're like you do this you do that yeah you're fucking mean and you're like well no they're responsible yeah do you think people like your dad um do you think he tricked himself into thinking yes i want to be a dad like uh do that twice it feels like no i think he was greedy i think it was just i think it was one of those things where it's like um you know when you tell a little kid you oh i want a dog i want a dog and you go there's a lot of responsibilities and they go i'll do all that and then the parent ends

up doing it yeah that was my dad he was just child liking that where he was then he got a second dog and it's like you didn't learn the lesson the first time exactly and you're like shouldn't have gave him a second dog yeah but as that second dog thanks thanks for having me um so it was really funny your dad was he was he cheating too i don't think he was cheating he was just a alcoholic he was just like yeah it was just i mean he drank you know he died as uh he got hepatitis c from a girlfriend and then it turned into cirrhosis and he died at 48 so hepatitis c is that is that a real well now it's curable yeah which is hilarious because you're like, damn. Good timing, Dad.

But what was it? Was it a death sentence? Well, he didn't know he had it. He got hepatitis C from this woman, and then he. What year is this, 90s? Yeah, it's like 90. I think he got it in like 95 or 96. And then he was drinking so heavy.

Hepatitis C just speeds up your kidneys and liver failing. Oh, so it's like it's awful if you are also an alcoholic. That's the death sentence. He was just drinking. Another thing my dad always says, he goes, son, you don't understand. Before AIDS, everyone was fucking. Oh, yeah.

I'm so jealous of people that lived in the times before AIDS. All you had to worry about, and I said this to Louis Katz, all you had to worry about was creating life. Yeah. Not death. And getting herpes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Whatever. Because my dad, I think this is why I complain about these good-looking Timothy Shalman. My dad was like a very good-looking guy. Oh, yeah. And they have, that is, that's like a rich kid with a credit card. They just go like, well, I have this unlimited line of credit. Yeah. Someone's going to pay for this. Sure. I'm not going to pay for this. I have the credit card. They just go like, well, I have this unlimited line of credit. Someone's going to pay for this.

I'm not going to pay for this. I have the credit card. Fuck it. I want that. Give me that. And especially with your good-looking guy and your charming, you're like, oh, I'll just – I take what I want. And if it doesn't work for me, I just fucking drop it. But it's so crazy to witness.

The same way that someone with like a great metabolism and then it slows down and they blow up in their 40s, it's seeing my dad finally cross the precipice of your old. Yeah. And no one wants to fuck you. You can't be hot anymore. And you haven't developed the skills. It's so funny. I just said this to Renan.

It's a key lob that no longer opens a door. Uh-huh. Where you go like, someone locked me out. And you go, well, no, I didn't lock out. It's expired. That's got to be brutal, too, to figure figure that out find that out in your 60s yeah yeah yeah holy shit i didn't yeah because at that it's such an ingrained behavior that you're like in person yeah you can just go like hey you can like a thing that used to get you like you sure you can't do that and they're like no fucking maybe i can and they're like are you sure you can't do that weird old guy

you creep yeah like that first time someone goes you fucking creep and you're like huh yeah no this is where we fuck yeah yeah yeah yeah and it was like dude my dad was so funny and so fun to hang out with when when would he get drunk and hang out with you? You couldn't tell he was fucked up. My mom and I were talking about this last week. That's something that I have. I can get fucked up and you'll never know. And then the next day I'd be like, dude, I was blacked out. I don't fucking remember that.

The only friend of mine that could ever tell I was fucked up was Nate Pargetzi. Oh, yeah? I'd be on the phone with Nate and he'd be like, you been drinking? And I'd be like, damn, how do you know that? See, I don't have a good radar. My grandma on my mom's side very much an alcoholic, and when she was a kid I just thought she was so fun.

And she would come in the room at night and she'd have a spatula, and she'd be like, I'm gonna hit you with my spatula. And we'd be like, this grandma fucking rocks! And it was like midnight, and you're like, we're still up. Oh, dude, we'd be watching radar movies and just being like, hanging out with my dad, and he'd be like, this fucking rock. Yeah. And it was like midnight, and you're like, we're still up. Oh, dude, we'd be watching Raider Hour movies and just being like hanging out with my dad. And he'd be like, this fucking bitch. And you'd be like, yeah, right?

He let me cuss. He let me watch comedy specials that I should not have been watching. Five years old, six years old, getting into like the Dangerfield specials on HBO. Oh, yeah. Watching like Pryor and shit. And my dad was like, this guy's funny. You got to watch this guy. This guy's funny.

And I loved it. I was just like eating and shit. And my dad was like, this guy's funny. You got to watch this guy. This guy's funny. And I loved it. I was just like eating it up. And then I'd go to school and I'd be doing these bits and they'd be like, you're going to the principal's office. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're like, why?

I was doing the, you know, my dad died when he was, heart attack while he was fucking. He was coming and going at the same time. And they're like, no.

You're eight. And you're like, yeah, I didn't get it. But it made me laugh. You ever get in trouble For cursing at school No Not cursing I once said

Gosh darn And the teacher Must have thought I said god damn And I got sent To the principal But my dad cursed Oh my dad cursed

Dude I could make My dad laugh cussing And it made me so Happy Yeah I remember my friend Scott My friend Scott's mom He was one of my friends

When I was younger After a sleepover She dropped me off At my mom's mom, he was one of my friends when I was younger, after a sleepover, she dropped me off at my mom's house and she was like, Dan's manners are, he's so polite, he needs to watch his language. Like, his language is a problem.

Wow. But he's, yes please, no thank yous. But your mom was okay. Did your mom? My mom didn't care. We had two rules. No fuck, you couldn't say fuck or cunt.

Those were the two things you could not say. Or prick. Prick. Oh, prick. Prick, what a weird one. Different time. No, I could say shit, bitch, ass. I could say all that.

No, fuck, cunt, or prick. Those were like master level cuss words. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like that she had prick and cunt. You get them both. I think I can turn off the cursing only because I have my mom and stepdad's house. No cursing. And I grew up with that. I had to take out my Eminem CDs.

I couldn't bring them to my mom. I probably said it before. My dad bought me early Eminem. Perfect age to listen to Eminem. Right. And then the only time my dad ever got upset about content, it was Guilty Conscience with Dr. Trey. And he heard Eminem go, yo, look at a bush. Does it got hair?

And my dad walked in, took out the CD, broke it in half, threw it in the trash. And then I complained. And the next day he went out and bought me another CD. There you go. Because he was the cool house. he could not have restrictions i could uh the big thing in our the big cd he would buy me was jerky boys oh yeah you kick my dog right uh yeah you kick my dog but also the one that he loved was the pizza uh you make my daughter sick i fucking bomb you i fucking bomb you my dad was like this is so funny i mean he loved frank rizzo he's like yeah the mexicans are up there they slapping each other with that hot shit my dad was like this is so goddamn funny but we would like comedy was the

thing where uh you know rodney rodney dangerfield was his favorite comedian yeah but then he also loved anybody from the bay area robin williams dana carvey anybody from the bay area was his so like snl i could watch snl from the time i was five on even if i remember watching uh they had a sketch called attack of the masturbating zombies and that's how i learned what masturbating was. I go, what's masturbating? And then I went home and I go, mom, what's masturbating? And she's like, where is this?

She's like, we're adding a fourth word to the list. But she was like, my mom was very cool in the way of like, it was her and I. So she talked to me like a roommate. She was like, well, masturbating is like this. She wasn't like, now, damn. She was like, listen, masturbating is you play with your penis until you orgasm. And I was like, ew.

And my mom's like, thank God you still feel that way. It was almost like her checking to see if I got molested. She's like, good, you're still. And then I did year-round school in elementary school. So we'd go six weeks on, three weeks off, six weeks on, six weeks off. Or nine weeks on, three weeks off, nine weeks on. Wait, what kind of school is this? It was called year-round.

So your summers were only six weeks, which sucked. But you had winter break for three weeks. But people say that's better. People always complain about the American system. We go away for the summer. They do it all over the country in spots. people say that's better. People always complain about the American system. We go away for the summer. They do it all over the country in spots. I think that's better.

In Aurora, in Cherry Creek Public Schools. In North Carolina, they do some. I like that a lot. Dude, it was great. So I would go to San Francisco for like two weeks in the winter

and like two weeks in the summer. And then I'd spend four weeks in the summer in Denver and a week at home for like Christmas or whatever. But it was called, you know, you had tracks.

So it was like A track, B track, C track, D track, and everyone would be off at different times. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was called tracking off. And so I'm sitting there watching TV, and I go, one more week until I track off. And my mom goes, excuse me? And she starts laughing, and I go, why?

And when anyone was laughing, i always wanted to know why sure it was my that was like comedy was always a thing where i was like what are you laughing about my mom goes it's she was like cooking me breakfast she's like it's it's nothing and i go no no what is tracking why did you laugh when i said track off and she goes well remember how you learned about masturbating yeah when you orgasm it's called jacking off and i go oh my mom's like yeah but then i go to the you know i go to school and i go what are you jacking off and everyone's like jesus to know what your parents like my dad was a seinfeld guy shockingly because my mom's the jewish side yeah i really i feel like that might have been a thing that

attracted them was the whole sure because my father was swedish and loved Yiddish. We used a lot of Yiddish in the house. Mel Brooks was a god. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And my mom doesn't like dating Jews. And every time I say this on the podcast, she goes like, you said I don't like dating Jews. I don't like dating Jews. But that's not true.

And you're like, you just said the thing that you're upset about. It's 100%. Hey, Ted Bundy, you just admitted you murdered all those women. Any kind of art that I like, whether it's dramatic or Jewish comedy stuff, she goes, it just feels like a home movie.

That's so funny. She hates it because of that. Yeah. But it was so funny. My stepfather, who was very, he was straight from Ohio. He was the one who said,

pardon my French, that's a bunch of bull. That's funny. That's funny. That's funny. But I remember watching, somehow we got bored out. We weren't allowed to watch at that house, The Simpsons, Austin Powers. The Simpsons! The Simpsons!

But by the way, let me tell you right now, that's much more common than you know. My mom wouldn't let me watch The Simpsons. There's something about The Simpsons. The Simpsons, early on, The Simpsons were what South Park was. The Simpsons the simpsons something about the simpsons early on the simpsons were what south park was yeah the simpsons were first what family guy was after the south park which is this is a cartoon and on the news that sensationalized shit they would go don't let your kids watch it it's adult jokes that they're getting for kids which now pixar and all them know to do that. They go, put in some adult jokes for the adults. But it's crazy you say that.

That was the thing my father and I shared. The Simpsons came out. That was our thing. You know what? You're right. Because for me, for Seinfeld, where I learned about jerking off most likely was the competition. I'm out. What did you watch with your dad?

We didn't watch a lot of the same thing. I mean, like, my house was weird. We could not swear. That was not happening. But in terms of content, they didn't care. Really? So early on, I was watching SNL when I was in first or second grade. I would tape the era at the time, which was like Chris Farley.

I was like watching those. Was your dad asking you, like like the zombies jacking off my dad doesn't have any interest in like he pretty much only watches old westerns and then like if something is on tv he'll watch something and but like he just doesn't he doesn't have a real comedy thing he doesn't like comedy doesn't blah blah my mom my grandma i'd go to my grandma and grandpa's house and they would i would see more comedy stuff there uh like i watched some of the bbc things oh really oh damn so you got like smart comedy yeah i i'm like they like i definitely like ab fab and like that kind of stuff uh there was a show called keeping up appearances that really made me laugh it's like uh it's it's it sounds like the least funny comedy of all time.

It is like you came here without a petticoat. Someone's got wet biscuits. This woman who is like thinks of herself as like a highfalutin like society person, but she's really like her last name is bucket, but she says pronounced bouquet and it was it was

done. Well, it was funny. I remember thinking I bet there I bet anybody British watching this that's old enough goes, I loved that show. I remember Cheers. I would watch... Yeah, Cheers was like... Those kind of things were kind of introduced through staying at my grandparents' house.

It's so... And my mom likes comedy stuff, so we... My girlfriend grew up... You know Tova, right? Have you met Tova? I think I've met her. But she's like a Monty Python. Her family was like Monty Python, which is so foreign

to me. It completely missed me. I remember trying to watch it too at a certain point. I was watching Blazing Saddles when I was eight. And my dad was like, God damn, that's a good joke. And I'd be like, the sheriff is a dong. And you're like, oh.

And I started understanding the context of it but the simpsons specifically i remember my mom was like no simpsons and then it's so great and then finally i like made a plea i go it's funny and it was very successful and my mom goes all right i'll watch an episode to see what it is yeah and one And one of the jokes, she went, that's very clever. And then there was another episode where, I forget what is happening, but Homer was going to go to the Air and Space Museum. And Homer goes, there's no air and space.

And my mom went, oh, that's funny. And then my mom was like, okay, you're good. And like checked off. And then South Park became the thing that I had to hide from her. Because South Park was wild. South Park was wild. I mean, that was the greatest time of my life.

12 years old, it came out. I was 12 years old when it came out. They're from Colorado. And it was all about Denver shit in the show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're in Colorado. Oh, sure, I forgot. So that's our show.

So that was like, oh, they made a show for me. They made The Simpsons. Did they accurately capture something about? Everything. trey and matt are very colorado when you find out that that matt's from littleton and trey's from con how so what what is that what is that just like the aesthetics the way that they would like uh i mean look at what they did with casa bonita they did an episode of casa bonita and everyone was like oh that's funny and people from colorado were going no no no no that's a real place it It's like a shitty Mexican restaurant in a mini mall in a Mexican part of town. And it's like kind of a dump. And then it was going bankrupt and they bought it and they

put like nine million into it. And now people who love South Park are like, well, I want to go to Casa Bonita when I'm in Denver. But like there was episodes where you're like, oh, that's us. Like that's like there was an episode, the Al Gore, the first Alre man bear pig yeah was what happens again uh it's about climate change uh but al gore says there's a thing called man bear pig and all the kids are like that's not real and it happens at a place called cave of the winds and cave of the winds was a place you would go on school field trips into these caves and you would learn about stalactites stalagmites it was like a geological thing that you would go see and they were at cave of the winds and you're like holy shit gave of the winds and you're like no no i was in college being like no that's a real that was a place yeah and like it was they would always do these little small denver references where if you

were from colorado it just like it it played to your heart you were like oh yeah dude i i love this yeah i always think that like when like when i was younger and things like that came out um something that i've noticed now later on in life art that i like was like whoa kind of scared me a little bit at the time like the first year of south park i remember being like what is it was a little scary to me like but i but i enjoyed it was that for me kids in the hall kids in the hall i was like this is kind of scary on comedy central that was a huge thing for me as a kid i loved and i was it was scary like they would have like really dark shit chicken lady you were like what the fuck but then you grow up and you go oh that's brilliant strangers with candy a little bit like that too. Strangers with Candy, exactly.

That kind of stuff. David Bowie for music-wise. The shit that I was like, this is unsettling to me in some way, but I like it. What's weird is to explain to younger generations that that's what MTV was for us when we were kids. There was an element of like, I shouldn't, because by the way, that was not allowed in my house. I was not allowed to watch MTV.

We had it on a channel that was fuzzy or whatever, and I would watch, I just remember the spring break cancun, and I fantasized about being an adult. And it was like, you know, it'd just be some DJ putting whipped cream on a girl's tits, and someone was eating it, and I was like, I cannot wait

to be that age. And then you were in college, and you were in spring break, and you were like, wait, what is this? Beavis and Butthead came out when I was in sixth grade, and that was before Southwark like, wait, what is this? Beavis and Butthead came out when I was in sixth grade and that was before Southwark and my mom was like, no Beavis and Butthead and I was like,

yes to Beavis and Butthead. I never resonated with Beavis and Butthead, Ren and Stimpy. It's the same kind of thing to me. Ren and Stimpy, oh, I loved it because there was this darkness to it

that you're like, there was this like ugliness to Ren and Stimpy. I did Rocco's Modern Life which feels close in that vein. But I loved all the- It was ugly. Rocco's Modern Life was ugly. like ugliness to ren and stippy i did rocko's modern life which feels close but i loved but i loved all the ugly rocko's modern life the ugliness is what yeah rocko's modern life dealt with like obesity and death and the government sucks and everyone's fucking you and i would be able to watch ren and stimpy i'd be able to watch beavis and butthead but i also

loved rugrats and i loved doug and i loved like there was this stuff to me where it was like if anything was trying to be funny yeah I was into it I was trying to find the funny in it I was trying to understand what was funny about it yeah that was always fun like I was terrible at math but I loved figuring out comedy like it was a math problem sure what why is that funny why did that hit me so why was I so into the Adam Sandler albums and you're like what why is that funny why did that hit me so why why was i so into the adam sandler albums and you're like oh because it's dark it's weird it takes you to a different place i like that and it's funny it's there's this lightness in all of this darkness and i think subconsciously i was just going through a lot of shit and it was like a relief like it was i

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sharing so come together and find your holiday magic only at starbucks so when did your father pass away you were 15 i was 14 14 97 and was your did your relationship deteriorate on the route there was he drinking more i mean after i was uh so when he lived in san francisco i would see him regularly i would i would fly out there to see him and my grandma winters and summers pretty like twice a year i would see him six seven eight nine eight, nine. Those were all consistent. Ten, my grandmother moved to Lake County. That changed everything. She was going to go retire.

My dad was going to stay in San Francisco. My dad followed her up about a month later. And then it got very dark very quickly. He started going to trailer parks. He was a bartender at a bowling alley And he was just like with those you know I was just talking about this in therapy But he was with people that were Far dumber than he was and that annoyed me my father was very funny. He was very smart

He just didn't have any drive. We would read books like fucking Goodwill hunting when I watched Goodwill hunting I was like kind of like oh That's kind of like my dad because like my dad would have these you'd go to his like shit house and he would just have these stacks of novels that he would read he would just go he would go through a book he would go through a novel in about three days did he did he ever have a fantasy of what he would want to do yeah so it's funny as my grandmother died in march and we went and cleaned out this townhouse, and she kept everything. And I found my father's FCC license from 1978.

You used to have to go get a license if you wanted to be on the radio. My dad always wanted to be on the radio. My dad always wanted to do it. He just didn't have the balls to pull the trigger. He just never did the thing of like, but he went and got his license. What's that test? I don't know don't care but it's a cool thing to frame that i'm gonna put on my wall yeah yeah because it's

kind of like you know when you when you have a shitty parent you still love them no matter what they can do they're still for sure there's still an element of like i still love you and there's almost this like disappointment of like damn i really I really loved you. You could have had it all. You blew it. But that a little bit amount of love, that little spark of love still stays alive. Like a pilot light. You hope that never goes out.

I feel, I always think of it as like a primal, like I, my dad and I, it's, it's tough, but whenever he's like, there's been a lot of,

uh, pre-surgery, uh, good luck. And like, it's very visceral of pre-surgery good luck, and it's very visceral and primal, like that moment. Yeah, where you're like, oh, I needed you. You weren't there, but I love you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's almost like this weird test of forgiveness where you go like, all right, you gave me nothing except life. And for life, thank you for your life yeah but i you know i still have these moments where i'm like i love them of course uh i'm like i'm super into the san francisco 49ers i'm super into the san francisco giants because growing up that was what we always talked about when i talked to him i'd be like ah the niners you know the niners looking good he'd be like yeah he'd take me to niners games giants games when i go to san francisco you know it was our thing that we bonded over yeah so there was this connection of like Niners are looking good. He'd be like, yeah. He'd take me to Niners games, Giants games when I'd go to San Francisco.

It was our thing that we bonded over. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So there was this connection of comedy in the 49ers. And he would let me. I love professional wrestling. And he always was like, let's go rent a tape. Let's go rent SummerSlam. You should watch WrestleMania.

And he would get drunk and laugh. God, he thought Hulk Hogan was so funny. He thought he was so, like, he looks like a hot dog. And I'd be like, no, he doesn't. And he'd be like, and Hulk Hogan would be that hulking out thing. And my dad, I remember my dad stirring his cocktail with his index finger going. Look at this funny guy. But I think what's interesting, because my dad really supported my wrestling phase. Yeah.

And we would, it's one of these things where it's like the elements that can make for a shitty parent can also make them very fun in a way. Yes, yes. Where like we sat

two mattresses in the middle of the living room for weeks at a time. Yeah. And my dad, we did one time, we did Sting face paint. Great.

You know, different colors. And my stepmom sort of one time, we did Sting face paint. Great. Different colors. And my stepmom sort of at the time filmed us doing power slams and all these things. It's so awesome. All sorts of this wrestling. Great. But then, and it's like, well, part of the freedom that he had to go, yeah, we'll have two mattresses in the living room, which is also my nature now. Sure. Where now I have a girlfriend who would be like, can we get the mattresses

out of the living room? We're going to have company over. I remember when I was a kid, I thought my knees were really strong, so I would like, Dad, look at this, and I'd do a knee slam on the ground and be like, it doesn't hurt. And now my knees are so fucked up. Now you're shot. I can't move.

But it's like it's just that divide where he was fun, he was a friend. Dude, I'm telling you. And then you get older and that friendship, it's like, you need to be a parent, not a friend anymore. That's what it is where you go like, there's no regulation. You're not regulating anything. You're just going like, hey, you know what? I think we should probably have cereal for dinner. And you go, fuck yeah.

What I always said is it's dessert for dinner. You're not getting the nutrients, but it's delicious. You're just like, this is so good. Mom would never let me do this. And you go, well, your mom's making sure you're getting calcium and iron and fucking vitamin C and things that are going to make your body okay. That's what people without divorced parents.

Don't don't I have as they literally two different systems of values completely. Like, did you, did you, was there anything that like, Hey, don't tell mom about this. Let's go see this.

Let's go watch. No, no. Uh, but I remember, um, I remember one time my mom was out of town and it was kind of a, uh, I remember it did not go well. It was like my dad

was like, he came home and he goes oh, we have mac and cheese for dinner. And he goes, ah, there's no milk. And we were like, okay. And it was like, we live in a really small town where if the grocery store is closed it's closed. And so he's like I think I can figure something out.

That man gave us instead of milk, he used Irish creamer in the mac and cheese. closed and so he's like he's like i think i can figure something out he that man gave us he instead of milk used irish creamer oh in the mac and cheese and we were like uh this isn't gonna work for us oh that's and it was like that kind of thing where you're like that's very funny yeah so you go i don't know there's a certain aftertaste where you don't notice until it's that thing though where you're like if they were that would be funnier though if that's separated you'd be like oh whoa what's happening here if you're if you're cereal with irish cream everything if your cheat meal was like uh bailey's mac and cheese

yeah you're like i can't get enough of this that should be a restaurant like the divorce dad specials yeah that's funny Everything is one crazy ingredient. Yeah, because like, here's the thing about my dad, which is crazy, is he was an unbelievable cook. Really? That's a gift.

He was a cook in the Navy. He loved to cook. My mom and my dad bonded over that. My mom has these moments of regret because she always says to this day, like, that was the best match. She was married three times. My father was the best one. Oh, man.

They just, their senses of, he calmed her down and she made him more responsible. And they met in the middle. So they just had this relationship. And she said a lot of that was through cooking. We'd be in the kitchen. We'd be drinking, having cocktails. But we'd be cooking, laughing, joking around. Because my mom's funny too.

But my dad's like hysterical. So my mom would be like, oh, you're just. It was so much fun. And then he fucked it up. He fucked it up because, you know, and what I learned was, was we were talking about with the families. My grandmother never took accountability. So my father never took accountability. So that was like a thing where they would just go like, they would fuck up and they got well,

like my grandmother, uh, like, I want to say this about six years ago, it was like 2018, 2019. I was visiting her, which I did, you know, like twice a year. And she sat on the couch and she was like, your dad was such a, he was such a good boy. And I was like, yeah. yeah and she sat on the couch and she was like your dad was such a he was such a good boy and i was like yeah and then she was like and then at one point she goes he was such a good father and i go no he wasn't and she was like hmm and i was like he wasn't a good dad and she goes no he was and i went no i wasn't anna and i watched her go he wasn't and you go yeah thank you so you do know sure because then i was like he abandoned two kids you can't go over two and act like he's dad of the year but that was that was important to me because that was that was a moment

where it confirmed my reality because up until then, I'd always gone, yeah, he was a good guy. It was the disease of alcoholism. It was out of his control. And then when you finally go, oh, no, no, no, no, it was his control. You fucking let him off the hook.

You didn't put... When my dad died, my mom and I made an agreement that I would never live with her. That I would never live with her. My mom went, if you're down and out, you can stay with me for two weeks.

Wait, this was at 14? Yeah, because I... You mean never live with her after 18? After 18. My mom goes, you graduate high school, you're done. She goes, I'll give you the summer before you go to college, but then you're out. And by the way...

That's great. I think that's a great move. And not in a mean way. No. In a way that I absolutely took completely in a loving way. Where she goes, I'm not going to let you do that. I'm not going to let you be your father. Because she knew I didn't want that.

Sorry, because your dad moved back in. He could always go back to his mom. He could always get off the hook. He could always be like, oh, I can have a family and fuck off. When I was six and I would go to San Francisco, we would sleep on a pull-out couch on the couch in my grandmother's den. And that was where we lived. And my grandmother had lived in Marin in a nice apartment,

Officer Francis Drake. And it was like- Your dad would share the bed? Yeah, him and I would share the pull-out bed because that's where he slept. Sure. He was on a pull-out bed. Instead of going, Gary, get the fuck together. Go get a job.

Get your own place. My grandmother was like, you it the fuck together. Go get a job. Get your own place. My grandmother was like, you're a good boy. You're a good boy. She just wanted it to be fine. She just wanted everything to be okay. But that's the closest. My dad and I, I hope this doesn't come off as weird, but my dad and I, I always had nightmares or whatever.

And we'd share the bed a lot, too. It's a close bond. Big Jay always thought it was really funny because my dad would sleep naked and I would sleep fully. Oh, my God. Not in a close bond. Big Jay always thought it was really funny because my dad would sleep naked, and I would sleep fully. Oh, my God. Not in a sexual way. I assume.

I assume. Full naked, though. My dad never wore underwear. Ever. Dude, commando the whole time. In fact, I visited my dad one time when I was 12. This was the last time I saw him before he was dying, and he was living with this woman, Cheryl or Sharon, garbage, white trash.

Yeah. I think they were in a double wide. And I spent the night at their house on the fucking hill with their rat kids. And I slept on the couch. And my dad came out of the bedroom after they had had alcoholic sex. And he was in underwear. And I went home and I went, dad was wearing like Euro briefs. And my mom went, your father was wearing underwear. Like it was like, what?

Oh my God. Like your dad was like, your dad was wearing underwear. Well, he changed. And you're like, it was funny that that was like the big like, oh, he's different now, I guess. That's wild. Yeah. I mean, my dad, he'd sleep in boxers and a tank top. oh, he's different now, I guess. That's wild. Yeah. I mean, my dad, he'd sleep in boxers and a tank top. No, my dad would just...

Full nude. My dad would wear corduroy shorts, OP corduroy shorts, no undies. And he had great legs. I got terrible legs. My dad had unbelievable legs, great calves. He was tan. He was like a true party guy. When you shared a bed with your dad, cock out, in?

We never shared a bed, I don't think, like that. But he always wears mesh shorts and a true party guy. When you shared a bed with your dad, cock out? We never shared a bed. I don't think like that. But he always wears mesh shorts and a t-shirt. But by the way, I don't sleep naked. I can't sleep naked. I'm a nudist at heart. But I'm not. I got to cover those windows because I'm just walking around.

I can walk around naked, but if I'm going to bed, I want to feel like if something happens. That's exactly it. I got to be ready to bed, I want to feel like if something happens. That's exactly it. I got to be ready to go. I got to be ready to go. I got to be ready to go. I got to be ready to die. When I'm naked, I feel very vulnerable.

I bring my clothes in with me to the bathroom with my wife. No way. With my fiance. I bring my clothes in with me. I go into the shower in one clothes. I come out clean in different clothes. I come out. There's water everywhere.

It's a mess. There's water. You're in a towel. And you know what?'s water everywhere. It's a mess. There's water everywhere. And you know what? I've dated women that are like, free yourself. And I go, lady, I don't know what this is, but it's a psychological chokehold. I will take my jeans, underwear, and t-shirt into the bathroom, and I will come out wearing them.

I might go into the bathroom wearing just underwear. I will come out ready to go. And I sleep in basketball shorts. Like, now I just sleep in my underwear. Now I just sleep in my underwear now i just sleep in my boxer briefs and i go to bed and whatever but forever i slept in basketball shorts and a t-shirt just like i gotta get ready that's so funny um i have to pee because i've been go pee i'll stay for a second um i'd love to uh uh so your mom dated is your mom your mom's still around yeah and is she married no single single yeah lives lives by herself what were her rules for for bringing men into your life i mean i think that's you know that she always wanted to make sure i was okay with them but was very quick to date was very quick to like

hey i'm gonna go date so five years old i have a babysitter and she's out on a date sure sure like when my dad brought women into my life he did for a couple of them he would buy them i didn't know at the time but he would buy them a bag of toys. And so I'd meet this woman for the first time and she'd have a bag of WWF action figures. Fuck, that's awesome. Yeah, but it was...

And I took it. I took it hook, line, and sinker. God, you probably got so many Hasbros. Yeah, it was a good time. I'm so jealous of so jealous i miss action figures so much one day i have a i have an undertaker right behind you that's an undertaker baby yeah yeah i have a on my bookcase in my house i have uh like fans there's a guy um that i'm talking to on instagram that makes his own uh it's his version of those hasbro things yeah he's like

i'm gonna send you some i'm like please i i don't play with them, but I like getting them. Sure. It's still that like attic brain childlike thing where I go like, oh, great. I'll put them up on a wall. I'll put them over here. I'll put them over there. I just like. If they were around, I'd play.

If the seller, if at one of the tables they had some actors, I'd just goof off with that. Oh, my God. Big Jay and I have spoke about this ad nauseum. Yeah. with that oh my god big j and i have spoke about this ad nauseum yeah privately about or even on the bonfire about how we wish we still were into because i would call my guys i'd be like and i'd bring a backpack full of guys dude this is such a but i i what happened to me i went to a summer camp sure i brought action figures this was around fifth grade sixth grade and someone called you the roommate was like is that a bag of action figures? And I said, my stupid parents,

they pack my little brother's bag with me. And I never touched them. I would use it like a drug. I'd go, nah, nah, nah, I don't do that. And then I'd come home and be like, I need some time with my guys. I'm gonna go in the living room and I'm gonna do a whole goddamn paper.

I had a bit on my special, on my HBO special, which was true. I was 12 years old, still playing with my wrestling figures, and I would go outside and smoke cigarettes. I was smoking cigarettes while I was still playing action figures, and that's 100% true. And then you brought the action figure,

like, you want to puff Undertaker? No, no, no. No, no, no. I would go smoke. I'm the booker. I'm out here thinking, what are we doing storyline-wise? I just read a great book about Vince McMahon.

Oh, I mean, he's a monster. It was an incredible book, though. But the WWE is better right now than it's ever been. Triple H is perfect. But another irresponsible dad thing, and I apologize to the listeners for repeats, he would let me take apart radios or whatever, and super glue, and I made these action figures

out of monsters, out of all these different parts. And there was a guy that I made, and he had a plug for a head, and I cut the wire, and it was off. And I went to my mom's house. I was like, Mom, this action figure is so cool. Look, it can hang off the wall. You just put it in a plug wherever you want.

And these are wires coming out of, and my mom was like, What are you doing? My... And my mom was like, what are you doing? And I ran over and was like, oh my God. Oh my God. What the fuck, dude? This is my favorite. My dad... My mom was like, I'm going to let you go

to San Francisco for Christmas. Christmas is always my mom's. Even now. Katie and I go to my mom's for Christmas. We go to Thanksgiving for her parents. We go to Christmas. My mom does Christmas better than anybody. My mom loves Christmas. She's amazing. My mom was like, I'm going to let you go.

I'm going to let you go to San Francisco. She told me now, she was like, I got blackout drunk when you were gone and cried. I missed you so much. And it was very sweet. So my mom's like, you're going to go. My dad's not paying child support. He's living on his mom's couch in her den.

And my dad goes, what guys are you into? And I go, right now, wrestling and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. My dad's like, OK. And I wanted this thing called a Hot Licks guitar. It was a guitar that you would just press the buttons, and it would be a guitar but for some reason i was like i want a hotlex guitar my mom's like you're not getting a hotlex guitar my dad's like all right come on out and i go out to marin for christmas and my fucking dad

got me the the ninja turtle van shredders cadillac holy shit a hot licks guitar a fucking like every wrestler i didn't have that i couldn't find my dad knew exactly how to push my buttons and that was so my dad worked shitty dads give the best gifts because that's their moment to make up for everything that's it my dad he did we had the ps2 big reveal we did one. He said it was a two-parter. First it was gloves, and he said the second part's coming later. And then he told, he was doing, like kayfabe, he was walking around,

he was like, I'm worried Jamarco's not gonna like the second part of his gift. I feel like I've built it up too much. And sure enough, it was a fucking go-kart with the gloves. And it's like, but it's like the reason it's so good is because they have- I'm popping from that.

I'm popping from that years later. Great gift. My fucking dad would do this thing. And he would do this thing where he worked at a liquor store. He always worked around booze. Shout out alcoholics. He would always work around booze. And he worked at this liquor store that's now closed in Mill Valley called Dan's Liquors And I thought he worked there cuz it's Dan, but it was cuz he was

And my grandmother lived in Marin and when we were drive from Mill Valley to Marin, you know We go there at 6 in the morning and I loved it I bring my guys with me to the liquor store and my dad would be working the cash register and I'd be at to the Side, you know battling there's an arcade down the street. Street Fighter II just came out. Sure. I would go to the arcade with all these kids in Mill Valley. And it was like fucking unbelievable.

My summers were unbelievable. Those were some of my fondest memories of my father. Yeah. We're like going with him to the liquor store. He'd give me five bucks to go to the arcade. And then I'd come back and I'd have lunch with him. And then I could go back with five more dollars and play and it was like dude this is the greatest great i learned about so much stuff at the arcade it was fucking unbelievable go to a niners game on the weekend and you're like this

is the fucking best yeah when i go back to colorado my mom back do your chores do your homework and i'm like this fucking bitch no wonder gary split like you know i'm fucking stealing money from you too i mean brainwashing me brainwashing me and i remember specifically there was a place called toy world off the 101 and it was like their toys are us and we'd be driving and he'd go he had he drove this yellow bug and we'd'd be driving back, and he'd be smoking a cigarette. And he'd go, I think we should probably go to Toy World. And you'd be like, yeah, I think we should. And he would go.

There was a cartoon at the time called James Bond Jr. And my dad went in. And dude, my dad pulled so many toy moves. Of course. Now, let me tell you the best one. It was still in. OK, I'll go back to it. Because I got.

Yours sounds better. Let me just say, he brought me to FAO Schwartz, where he was here. Oh, let me tell you the best one. It was still in. Okay, I'll go back to it. Because I got. Yours sounds better. Let me just say. He brought me to FAO Schwartz, where it was here. Oh, my God. And he brought me into. It was like a room for like a meeting where they. Like people from there. Probably employees being underpaid.

But they were like. They presented the hottest new toys. And I got to pick 10 of them. Oh, my God. But like this is the point. Is that your gifts probably fucking sucked, but you had a nice household, and it was warm.

You had a dad. You had emotional availability. And you still speak to him on a regular basis. You had emotional availability. But did you have a guitar licks? Fuck no. You didn't have a hot licks? Get out of here.

No go-karts? No go-karts. Dude, this was my favorite move. Oh my God. Gary fucking knocked it out of the park a couple times. Tim Burton's Batman came out, the first batman uh-huh yeah the action figures were what you wanted yeah he's still living in denver's before he splits to san francisco we go to toys r us all that's there is joker and bob his henchmen. Right? Why do they even bother making Bob? Yeah.

I mean, I still love. I was like, you need a henchman. You need someone for Batman to kick around before you get the Joker. But no Batman. And I'm like, whatever. And my dad goes, hey, listen, you know, life lesson. Not really. He goes, you know what?

Let's get Joker and Bob. They're going to restock batman you got other guys that are his size you can just play with them and then when you get batman you get batman and i'm like yeah you know still bum but like i'm getting two guys yeah we buy joker and bob we get in his car and he goes i think i left something in the back seat can you help me out and i look back this motherfucker got batman dude i i still can feel the joy at 41 that i felt at that age where i was like are you fucking kidding me you know what he bought me at christmas that year what a nintendo oh i got home and i had had it in a box And I got out of my dad's car and I went around to our house that my dad was kicked out of. And I go, Mom, Dad got me a Nintendo.

And my mom shot my father this look because she didn't want me having a Nintendo. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She was like, and I was like, and my mom was like, go in the house. The video game industry has given so many fathers a chance to completely redeem themselves once a year it was

it was nuclear arms it was in the divorce it was a nuclear arm you had to nuke if you got your kid a fucking video game system

the PS2 he was like guess what we got a bunch of plutonium and we turned it into a warhead good luck shutting us down you bitch

iran is just a divorced dad yeah north korea is like hey i understand we can't have these but maybe they're launching it into the ocean dude it was it was so crazy because it does it's it's cake for dinner you're like like, oh, it's so sweet. This is so awesome. This is so perfect. Oh, he forgot my birthday. Oh, I haven't talked to him in seven months. Oh, I miss him.

I'm crying for him. When he talks to me, he kind of goes like, no, no, no, I'll see you in a little bit. And then I don't talk to him for a year. When my, the illusion of my father the what shattered the illusion of my father for me was he had uh my little sister out of wedlock and there was custody there was a nasty battle but ultimately like he then prioritized her in a way that i was once i was the only child at that house and then i saw like

the you know the um the spoiling and the and suddenly we were we were going by the whims of a four-year-old yeah and and just just everything and and and it just shattered and it shattered in high school and i had some uh it was a joke that i'm working on, just like Robert De Niro, he just had a kid. And people, they sometimes criticize men like that. And I go, well, honestly, if my dad had died when I was seven, we'd have a much better relationship now. That's very funny. And when did yours, was it before your dad died that you started to see the cracks? I held on to hope too long.

I would, he would miss a birthday and he'd go, yeah, man, I think the post office lost my car. And I'd go, yeah, post office. Missed birthday is a real. It hurts. It really hurts. And my mom made him reach out to my sister, Michelle. My dad was gone when I was five. When I was around eight or nine, my mom reached out to Michelle's mom and said, hey, Michelle is

22. I would like her and Dan to have a relationship. And then started talking to my sister and said, why don't you come out to Colorado? Why don't you start spending a week or two with us? And I've heard you talk about your sister and other things. It seemed like she was incredibly... It kept me alive.

I think I would have been dead without that relationship. I think I would have either killed myself or I would have fallen into a life of very heavy drugs without hearing about your sister makes me feel like a bad older sibling because i'm like she really well she lived through it and she saw gary give up on her and so she was the first person in my life my mom and i are very close now, but it wasn't always that. There were moments, and she'll admit that, there were moments where it just, she was very stressed out.

She had a lot on her plate. She didn't really, you know, sometimes she had to put herself in front of me, and as a person, you can resent that, and it's understandable. Of course. That's why I'm in therapy. She understands that we're great now.

I love my mom. I fucking... I have a similar trajectory with my mom. Michelle was the first person in my life to go hey everyone's full of shit yeah you're a good kid i love you i'm here for you and she was from nine or ten on until i was 16 she was there for me she was there for me in every way that i needed um and she was an only child she no so what's funny about my sister is i was her half brother dan uh-huh i was born june 24th 1983 july 1983 her mom had donald so she had dan and don oh yeah both have brothers on each side and she lived with don yeah she grew up with donald he was her little brother you know they lived in the same

house they were very close uh don and i aren't close but when uh you know we we've talked on facebook he's came out to shows and uh he lived in north carolina he came out to shows at good nights and so in 2019 was the last time I saw him he's got a full family sure but it makes sense you and your sister had your dad in common well we had our dad fucking up yeah and my sister was there to go like hey it's not you it's him like all those things you're feeling and she was she was instrumental in me being she just emotionally intelligent was she in therapy uh no I I don't know if she was in therapy she was so smart she was so smart and she was so funny and she was so no bullshit she was just like man fuck these people she didn't have the thing i had which was the desperation to be liked she was just kind

of like i'm gonna tell you what it is and you're not gonna like it but this is what it is but not in a way of like fuck you in a way of like, fuck you. In a way of like, hey, this is just kind of what life is. She was 22 when you were first kind of like getting to know her? Yeah, I was about eight years old. Oh, I was 10. So yeah, 10, and she was 22. Which is great.

I mean, because that could be a kind of selfish, like you're 22. You're not always thinking like, how is this like? I think she had a little brother that was exactly my age So she knew that she was familiar in that she knew what little boys were like because dawn was in her house You know and and and I was this kid where she had problems with my dad Yeah, and so I was a kid where she was like well He's gonna have the same problems because it's your own guy, so it was really kind of like a cheat manual She was like hey. This is what's going on. This is this is what he does and then we just became very close and i

would go visit her once or twice a year she would come visit me once or twice a year with phone calls all the time she really really encouraged my love of comedy she really saw that I loved comedy and would, I mean, watch comedy specials that I had watched six times. She would sit through Dana Carvey's Critics' Choice, Robin Williams', you know, which again is like harking back to my dad. There's like a connection to my dad. Yeah, of course.

But I loved Dana Carvey. She would send me articles about Dana Carvey, Jim Carrey, you know, that was his boom. And she was sending me, oh, you carvey uh jim carrey you know that was his boom and she was sending me oh you love jim carrey he's on rolling stone and she would send me the rolling stone with jim carrey and like i read that article you should read it it's like you know he had a weird thing with his dad and that she was like she was like encouraging of that and then she would also be like hey that's family's full of shit don't listen to them don't listen to that bullshit and your mom and joe her boyfriend at the time they drink a lot don't fucking don't let them That family's full of shit. Don't listen to them. Don't listen to that bullshit.

And your mom and Joe, her boyfriend at the time, they drink a lot. Don't fucking, don't let them get you down. You're not stupid. They call you stupid, so don't do that. You're a good kid. She would constantly do that. And then when my dad died, when he got sick,

I told her, I said, dad's dying. She wasn't in contact with him. She had written him a letter, and he never responded and um god and he was he was sick and i said you know and my mom had the she didn't have a lot of money my mom was like listen you can either see him again or you can go to his funeral and uh i was like i'm gonna i want to see him i would like to see him one last time and he was if you ever seen someone die of cirrhosis it's fucking brutal it is fucking brutal they become jaundice yeah then it turns purple. They're inflamed. They look pregnant.

I mean, they look like a 90-year-old man. But I told my sister, I said, you know, I'm going to go out and see them for Thanksgiving. And she goes, I'm going to go with you. And her and her boyfriend, Ross, we drove up from, I flew into Oakland. I stayed at her grandparents' house, her mom's parents, who knew my dad when he was a teenager. Yeah. Because my dad and her mom were high school sweethearts.

And we drove up to Lake County all together. Yeah. And she drove up from LA and then met me in Oakland, and then we drove up to Lake County, and we saw my dad. And then she went home, and her work gave her two weeks off, and she went and forgave my dad. It was at his bedside when he died. Oh saw my dad. Then she went home and her work gave her two weeks off and she went and forgave my dad. It was at his bedside when he died. Oh my God.

An angel. She helped me through. Were you there in that moment? No, I was at home. He died two weeks after Thanksgiving. He died December 12th. I was in Denver and my uncle flew me out for the funeral the funeral and you know i

spent time with my my aunt his sister who was very funny yeah and um you know that sense of humor is in that family and my sister and very close to her and then uh in october of 1999 she got killed in a car accident yeah like maybe like a year and a half later so it was just brutal it was just brutal i mean easily the hardest thing i've ever been through it was just like oh fuck my one person that i trusted that i loved that i identified that i that i knew i could be myself around was just gone just one day it was just like my mom had to sit me down and be like michelle was killed and i was just like jesus christ yeah Yeah, and so then I started getting fucked up. Yeah.

Yeah, then I was just all about drugs and alcohol. And I was just like, oh, fuck this. Do you ever get reflective with your comedy now and you think about? I cried when I did Conan because I thought, ah, Michelle lived out here. She would be here. She would be in my green room right now. The first time I did Conan, I kind of had to go into the bathroom for a little bit to be like, ah, man, I would have Michelle here right now. She would absolutely be here right now.

Because she loved that. Let me stay up, watch late night. And it was like Conan was doing his thing, like 95, 96. And so it was like a thing of like oh yeah i would absolutely there's like certain moments you know where you're kind of like i think michelle would think this would rip like michelle would be like oh fuck yeah dude go do it then that was also very like um well i'm gonna be a comic like i'm just gonna fucking do it like you know people are dropping like this and then my dad yeah and then aunt, who was my dad's sister,

was helping taking care of my dad because she was a registered nurse. And somehow his blood, he was throwing up blood a lot. And it got into either her eyes or an open wound. And she got hepatitis C and she didn't know. And it turned into liver cancer. And then she died in 2007. So there was this kind of like this, fuck.

You just keep going like, fuck. And your grandma was like your dad was a good patient. Yeah. He was always aiming that blood perfect. Oh he could throw up blood but then you know there was just no accountability there was no like my grandma after that just kind of shut it off and was like yeah that's I don't know what do you want me to do and it just

kind of never gave me that like we never got to have an open conversation about it we never Do you feel pride of like I sometimes feel pride of my dad's side And it just kind of never gave me that, like, we never got to have an open conversation about it. We never. Do you feel pride of, like, I sometimes feel pride of my dad's side of the hill. He's just fucked. I mean, fucked. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fucked. Yeah, same, you know.

And sometimes I go, sometimes I go, like, oh, yeah, that's why I'm a little crazy. And then sometimes I'm like, and I made it out of the fucking. I'm very proud. The fucking insanity. And I'm functional. My cousin Lisa and I, she lives in Ohio. And we, you you know my grandma would do this thing where i would i mean dude i would get in trouble with showtime we'd be filming

billions and they'd be like we need dan to film the week of thanksgiving and i'd go no i'm going out to see my grandma like sorry fire me i'm going out like there was times where it got like my lawyer had to get involved and he was like hey he's made it known this is a thing every season this happens he can't film on that day he's unavailable he's not i wasn't a series regular i was a guest star and they go so some guest stars why do you not worry about their schedules but his he has to and so i would fight and my grandma never watched me do stand-up my grandma never watched billions my grandma never acknowledged. You gave a lot of chances. Never what I, dude, never acknowledged what I did. Never acknowledged what I did.

And that really hurt. And that, you know, through therapy, you're like, oh, that was on par for the rest of the family. Yeah. But my grandma would do this thing where she'd try, she didn't talk to Lisa. Yeah. Lisa would talk to her once every couple of years.

She had her own family. And she'd go, you know, she'd make me feel like shit if I was like, well, I'm flying back to New York. And she'd be like, you know, Lisa. And I'd go, was Lisa coming out here? And then I'm like, why am I mad at Lisa? So we reached out to each other. And I was in Columbus, and Lisa was like,

hey, you're doing shows out here. And I was like, dude, come on out. And I was like, she was my sister's age. She's exactly Michelle's age. And so Lisa only knew me as an annoying little kid yeah pull pranks and shit but then i was like man fuck this fuck that family let's have our own family yeah and so we're close now you know i we text each other randomly just like i love you cuz she's like i love you too and we just talk and we have

lunch because my aunt was a crackhead my aunt uh had like a bad drug problem and then uh was abusive and you know wasn't a good mom but a good aunt and my dad was a horrible dad but a good uncle as we're talking about it's easier to play the other role sure so we kind of do what you just said we go like yo fuck that family we're doing 2.0 it's me and you yeah what do you got your kids like it was her son's 16th birthday i'm like what video games you like he's like boom i'm like got got it. It's gonna be there on Thursday Hell yeah, fuck you a happy birthday, dude Just fucking why don't why don't I do the present giving like our dads did in a positive way? Yeah?

Yeah, and he's like dude. Thanks. You know her son was like oh my god. Thank you I'm like dude. I love you buddy You know and I told my cousin like when you're when it's your daughter's birthday Let me know and I'll fire one off. And her son came out. Her oldest son came out when my grandmother died because the townhouse was getting foreclosed on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We had to get everything out of it. And we were going to put it in a storage unit in California.

And her oldest son, Zach, was like, why don't I drive it back to Ohio? We'll just have it in Ohio. You never have to go back to that town again. And I was like, I'll pay for the U-Haul. And we went in there and he cooks. He really loves cooking. And there was an old

KitchenAid my grandma had, like an old school KitchenAid. And he goes, this old KitchenAid. And I was like, fucking yours, dude. I want some pictures and a painting.

I don't give a fuck about any of this shit. So the piano and a bunch of books, we just loaded it all up in a U-Haul and the dinner table, it was special to my cousin

because she had a good relationship with my grandma when she was very little. She was like, I love this table. I'm like, well, fucking put it in the U-Haul. And so we just took all of that out of the house and now the bank's like, ah, you need that. And you're like, suck my dick.

I don't fucking live there. I ain't accepting that. Let's go on to our next segment, This Gotta Stop. This has gotta stop. This has gotta stop. Do you have a thing that's gotta stop? Boston Dynamics.

Stop. Stop Boston Dynamics. They are making robots that are gonna kill us. We have Terminator. You're making a Terminator. I agree. That's Skyden. Every video's like,

hey, look at this new, we did a new robot. He can make a stabbing motion really fast. Oh, look, he's Skyden. Everybody was like, hey, look at this new, we did a new robot. He can make a stab in motion really fast. Oh, look, he's bulletproof. Oh, look, he's got no weaknesses. We made a robot. He doesn't feel empathy for children. The first one was the dog robots.

Oh, look, the cops have them now. Oh, that's a problem. Well, they always, whenever you hear these guys talk, these tech guys, they go like, we know it's dangerous, but you know, you gotta, if you have the curiosity, you gotta pursue it. And I want to grab them and go, no, you don't. No, you don't actually.

We don't need to obey your little itch. You fucking. And then you realize someone next to Pandora was going, don't open the box. Yeah. And he goes, don't open the box. Yeah. I gotta open the box. When you have the feeling, you gotta pursue it 100% and not think about the consequences at all.

And the child is addicts. They also act like there's not a precedent in the history of things of like... Creation turning against you? Yes, of someone doing something. Oh, yeah, we created it. We need to create a nuclear bomb. We won't use it. That's exactly... Watch Oppenheimer. What are you fucking talking about, man? Opp created a, we need to create a nuclear bomb. We won't use it.

That's exactly, watch Oppenheimer. What are you fucking talking about, man? Oppenheimer, you see they go, the war's over, and they go, we're still gonna use the bomb.

And you go, well, you didn't need to. No one needed to know we had that technology. People like Elon Musk, they're always like, well, you have to pursue the thing, and I'm like,

but then you have to be on the first rocket that goes up. You gotta try the thing. It's like, you can say that because you are the safest of every human being in the entire world uh it's it's wild to me that someone like elon musk goes ai is dangerous and then he goes but my company doing ai is all right and you go like well it's dangerous you're it's it's bad well then you have like fucking uh they have

spokespeople that are like either paid or whatever, like Reese Witherspoon being like, Oh, that's crazy. Hey, we got this kind of chill. It's kind of cool. You know what it is? Girl boss corporation. Where they go like, you know who's kind of cute? Hitler.

Yeah. It's kind of like fucking, I don't know. It's just like this sense of people like stockpiling their money so that they can go to their bunkers when this all ends and they'll be fine. But it's like they don't care about throwing the whole world away. Well, that's what it is. And that's what it feels like. It's ego over safety.

Yeah. It's like, awesome dynamics. I'm sure you can build a robotic arm for someone that has lost a limb that can make their life a lot better. Let's not build the whole robot. Yeah. Let's not build the part where they go, you know, we're going to have like a lot better. Let's not build the whole robot. Let's not build the part where they go, we're going to have a robot servant. And you go like, yeah.

I don't think we need that. And Boston Dynamics, we don't need that. Boston Dynamics. I watched, a shout out to watch Nathan McIntosh's special. Oh, he's great. I fucking love him. He had some joke. Basically, humans don't have natural predators.

It's like if salmon invented bears. That's so funny. That's what they are. And I think about it. I'm like, it's such a good... That's so funny. It is so funny. I so deeply believe there's a theory

about the reason there's no alien life is because when a civilization gets too sophisticated, they destroy themselves. They'll destroy themselves. And I'm like, that seems like the most realistic thing. That's 100% it. That's 100% it. I just, that video today, I was like.

What was the one doing today? Oh, they showed a video where it was like, check out the new robot from Boston Dynamics. And it was laying down and it goes, and it sat up and it was like, and it was a whole human size. And they go, that's not a human in a suit. That's a robot. And you go, fuck that. Kill them all.

Or at least go like this. We've made it very vulnerable in this one area. We need like an Achilles heel for all robots. Achilles heel on everything. Big button in the back that you boop it and it sits off. One boop, little boop on the top, and we don't have to worry about it. They'll figure out. They'll know more before we know how to turn it off.

We created a robot who knows how to turn off the boop button. Yeah. Well, also they're doing that with self-driving cars. Right where they're going, like they're self-driving cars. And you go, the trucking industry is 30% of jobs in america is that a true statistic like it is high up there you can look that up it will fucking destroy us if they get trucks to be automated it will fucking destroy us and then what happens is they go like well it's fully automated well now if they have these boston dynamic robots why would we need kids in the military

we'll just have a military. And then they'll sell it as a moral victory where they go, oh, and you know what? No one will die in war anymore. You go, but you have a robot army. Yeah, it's a robot army. And what's one robot army beats the other robot army? Where do they go next? There's no death. They go straight to the

people. You already have drones, so it's like it's like just an extension of that. I mean, that's all it is. You know, did you look it up? It's 5.8%. Fuck! That's still just an extension of that. I mean, that's all it is. Did you look it up? It's 5.8%. Fuck. That's still a lot of old jobs. But 30% is so much sexier to say. It's like 50%. I really comic that up.

It's like 80%. 30% is a gigantic number. It's a gigantic number. One in one men are truck drivers. I don't know about you. Guys, I got to get out of here. I got to fucking freight. Guys, I got to get out of here. I got to fucking freak. Guys, I got my rig out front.

I got to get going. Final segment. You better count your blessings. You better count your blessings. This is where we say something positive. Something nice. Something sweet. I'll start.

I was at Comics Mohegan Sun. That's not the blessing. But we went to a breakfast place, Miantova. There's a little market. We went to the market and we ordered an Uber. But the woman at the cashier, probably 60, 65, she said, oh you're going to the casino? You want me to give you a ride? And I was like like you want to give me a ride the cashier at the store just offered to give a ride and we had ordered the uber so it's too late and and i the social interaction would have stressed me out but it was like a reminder of like like a kindness that in new york i couldn't even fathom oh yeah i mean just just i mean just a different country frankly it's like I'm in a different world with different customs.

You're going to give me a ride? A 15-minute ride to the casino? Yeah, you're like, weirdo. Because I bought one thing of jerky for $8? Wow. That is nuts. So it was sweet. That's nice.

You know what that is? That could be a nice world to live in that I never will be a part of. Now, if you're a woman and you're by yourself, do not take that ride. Yeah. But it was an older woman. Well. Yeah. world to live in that I never will be a part of. Now, if you're a woman and you're by yourself, do not take that ride. But it was an older woman. Well, that she could still have a son that needs to feed his demons. But that's our New York.

We're like, no one could offer a ride unless they were trying to rape you, of course. No one could do it out of kindness. Just be careful about that one. That's a fun one when it goes good. It's a bad one. it's real bad when it goes bad sure where they go and then we're never heard from again it's crazy thing about ubers the safety i feel with ubers just as a man yeah it's great you're just i mean oh i know i always remember i had in front of my apartment in harlem they were just like there were like six jamaican guys getting high and i always said hi they'd offer

me a tote I was okay and then once I had a woman come over and you know she was just like hey could you come down and and like let me in I was like oh let the guys they'll let you in they'll offer you a free toke and I'm like we and and listen you just missed the point of like we just have a different we just have a different and whether she was being racist or not who knows but but the bottom line is there's just six guys and for me it was just like oh the guys? That's like when I walk my dog

and I'm like she's like yeah it's like 10 o'clock and I'm like I'll walk the dog and I'm like oh yeah you can't you can't walk the dog because then someone's got a new girlfriend and a new dog and I don't I don't have a dog and a girlfriend

she leaves you for them. She's like, hey, they were stronger in that moment, and now they're my lover. Their knife was sharp, and it scared me. Do you have a blessing? Yeah, I had this picked up before today's episode, so it's not to rub it in the faces of, but my family.

Oh my God. Let it loose. I was planning this trip with my, well, I was planning a trip. I was going to go to New Orleans next year for 2025 Mardi Gras. Yeah. And a big New Orleans fan. And my parents and my brother are turning in. They're coming, too.

They got a house, and it's going to be a nice big family trip now. And it was just nice and sweet. It's very fun. That's a good blessing. John Marco and I are going to go punch walls thinking about your family vacation. Sure, but enjoy the socks you get for Christmas this year.

Yeah. I've got rage. I would probably say my blessing is I love, you know, we talked about family stuff or whatever. I'm marrying a woman that I'm absolutely crazy about, and I love her to death. And my blessing is I had to go to Chicago to do some podcasts

to promote my special on YouTube. And it turned into I got to hang out with my brother and sister-in-law and their baby. And that was like such a fun Sunday where, as you know, when you don't have a normal family, when you get a taste of it and it becomes yours as an adult, you appreciate it. And I loved hanging out with my little niece and I loved hanging out with Kevin and Julie and having pizza with them. And it just felt good. It was just like a blessing where you're like, man, I feel I'm, I'm marrying into a great family and that feels good.

Yeah, it feels good. And, and so that was my blessing was seeing my, my, uh, my brother and sister-in-law and the niece, um,

on a work trip. Hell yeah. Very sweet. Yeah. Um, this coming up May 7th, what do you want to plug? I will be in Grand Rapids, Michigan at Dr. Grin's doing five shows.

Brendan Sagalow will be with me. It'll be a fun weekend. DanSoder.com. I will also be on the Burt Kreischer Fully Loaded Tour. So check out those dates all at DanSoder.com. Check out my podcast, Soder. And please watch my special On the Road. So good.

It was such a good special. Congratulations. Thanks, man. It really was really strong. Building a new hour. So thanks watch my special On the Road. So good. It was such a good special. Congratulations. Thanks, man. It really was really strong. Building a new hour. So thanks for having me on, guys. Of course. So funny.

I'm doing Grand Rapids later, but I just got bumped off a weekend today for Marcelo from SNL. Yeah. And when you said that, I was like, wait, I'm in Grand Rapids that weekend.

That's so funny. Oh, my God. No, no, no. I am going to be in Portsmouth, New Hampshire, May 9th. Might be sold out. Boston, May 10th and 11th at Laff's. Yeah, Laff Boston. Laff Boston.

And then the week after that, I'm going to be in Tempe, Arizona, Tucson, Arizona. What are you doing in Tucson? It's actually a straight. It's like a rock club. Yeah. I don't have the name here, actually a straight. It's like a rock club. Yeah. I don't have the name here, but 191. Yeah, I've done that. I've done 191.

Cool. I started comedy in Tucson. Really? Yeah, I started at University of Arizona. Hell yeah. So that's fun. And then May 19th, Comedy Works. First show was sold out.

Get that second show. Best club. I'm excited. It was a cheat. There's not a lot of clubs left over for me to go like yeah and that was one that was like fuck yeah that's it's it's unbelievable and join the patreon patreon.com slash downside we got a lot going on there once we hit what was the goal we said 500 we're recording two musical songs yeah do it dude yeah I'm excited for that good luck

with your voice congratulations on on Broadway. Appreciate it. I have to leave, but that's awesome. I think that's fucking cool. And I hope your throat holds for the rest. Two more weeks. Less than two weeks left. What's your plug? I have no plugs because we're done. The main seventh. Be confident. Say you got that audition. No, I have nothing

to plug right now. All right, everybody. This is the downside. One, two, no. I'm superstitious. Nothing to plug right now. All right, everybody. All right. This is The Downside. One, two, three. Downside. You're listening to The Downside. The Downside.

With Gianmarco Cerezi.