The Downside with Gianmarco Soresi - #209 Abandoning the Bit (Patreon Exclusive Excerpt)

Episode Date: May 25, 2024

In the excerpt of this Patreon exclusive episode, Jessica Frey, our friend and fellow Uncle Function member joins to share the downsides of being an only child, blacking out after arguments, and getting questionable parenting tips from Instagram. Watch the rest of the episode exclusively on our Patreon to get the extra special treat of never-before-seen-footage of Russell performing If I Were a Rich Man from his 7th grade production of Fiddler on the Roof. Follow Jessica on Instagram See Jessica in LA MUSICA DEUXIÈME in NYC: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/la-musica-deuxieme-tickets-876069105277 Join our Patreon for free for 7 days: https://www.patreon.com/downside Follow The Downside with Gianmarco Soresi on Instagram Get tickets to our live podcast recording in NYC on June 3 https://www.showclix.com/event/the-downside-with-gianmarco-soresi-live Follow Gianmarco Soresi on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, & YouTube Subscribe to Gianmarco Soresi's email & texting lists Check out Gianmarco Soresi's bi-monthly show in NYC Get tickets to see Gianmarco Soresi in a city near you Watch Gianmarco Soresi's special "Shelf Life" on Amazon Follow Russell Daniels on Twitter & Instagram E-mail the show at [e-mail] Produced by Paige Asachika & Gianmarco Soresi Video edited by Dave Columbo Technical production by Chris Mueller Special Thanks Tovah Silbermann Original music by Douglas Goodhart Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Red One... We're coming at you. ...is the movie event of the holiday season. Santa Claus has been kidnapped? You're gonna help us find him. You can't trust this guy. He's on the list. Is that Naughty Lister? Naughty Lister?

Dwayne Johnson. We got snowmen! Chris Evans. I might just go back to the car. Let's save Christmas. I'm not gonna say that. Say it. Alright.

Let's save Christmas. There it is. Only in theaters November 15th. Hi. This is an excerpt from a Patreon episode. And if you want to watch the whole thing, join the Patreon, patreon.com slash downside. You can watch this whole thing or listen to this whole thing, as well as all our old past Patreon exclusive episodes and all our past live episodes.

Patreon.com slash downside. Enjoy the excerpt. One, two, three. Downside. You're listening to The Downside. The Downside. With Gianmarco Ceresi So

I have a scenario question to start us off Okay Oh my god We're going No lube just jumped into this So I'm going to Barcelona Okay I'm messy i travel people give me free weed

products sometimes okay i bring a little weed little things nothing crazy and every time i go internationally though i like i i go uh britney griner remember remember britney griner yeah and but as i do it i'm like I can totally see fucking this up. I have little crevices. I put a mint thing here, a mint thing there. You got little crevices. So you go internationally. Yeah.

You forget. You got some weed, something. You get arrested. This is next year. So Trump is president again. Yeah. You are arrested and you're going to be in jail for 10 years. Next year, so Trump is president again.

Yeah. You are arrested, and you're going to be in jail for 10 years. Trump's team comes to you, says, hey, the big man wants to get you out. We're going to make a trade. We're going to give a couple more criminals to get you back home. Okay. and campaign and publicly speak for Trump or stay in this prison in, let's say, Prague. Prague? That's so bad.

Doesn't sound that bad. Ten years in prison. Have you seen Broke Down Palace starring Claire Danes and somebody? I remember it. They were in Cambodia, Thailand,ailand yes and it was not good i don't know i think yeah i mean whatever yeah i think to see my family again i'm gonna do the to have a life i think i would be like with my cold dead eyes like america's not america anymore

campaigns mean nothing nothing means anything A Trump second term when it happens, we're done. It's cooked. What does it matter? Or I would find a way to like make it funny. I'd be like, I endorse. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'd like make it so stupid that they couldn't use a take. You know what I mean? Oh, that's... You'd be like a character. Yeah, I'd be like, that sounds like my favorite. That sounds actually

like some of the people that they really bring up. Maybe, maybe, maybe that's what's going on. Yeah. They're all putting on a character because they don't want to do it. And they keep using all of it. Well, I'm not going to get caught with any weed, though, traveling. I just did it, though, and it was an accident.

I forgot I had it in my bag. No one's checking. I travel with. No, I know. But it is that thing where you're like internationally. There's a fear, you know. Yeah. i forgot a bag of gummies yeah i sometimes whenever sundays i'll have dogs at the baggage thing and i'm like i'm like do dogs smell weed do they i don't know i think i'm googling it as the dog sniffing i think the dog should be testing for cancer because i feel like you know we just need better health care in this country and like it

would just kill two birds with one stone as you're passing through. They would like be checking you for cancer and drugs at the airport is brutal enough, let alone finding out you have cancer while you're waiting in line. We have a terrible flight. We lost your bag, but there's some even worse. The plane's going to be crashing as you fly in anyways. So, you know. Ladies and gentlemen, this is a Patreon exclusive, but you're still able to watch this part right now. You got a camera here too if you want to give a look to the camera.

It's so high. This is coming out Saturday. If it doesn't come out Saturday, I want you to know at home, something really bad happened. Something in my system failed. Or we said something and then we're like, well, we got to cut that out and it's like editing. If you want something cut out, too bad.

Watch your goddamn mouth. All our Trump material. I wanted to say, one of the things we're doing, I want you guys to join the Patreon. Patreon.com slash downside. So what I'm doing, it's kind of a, i don't know if it's shitty we have a uh if you if you go to the patreon and you watch this full episode at the end unless russell refuses it right now i have video footage that was sent to me by his friend of russell singing if i were a rich man in his

seventh grade production of Fiddler on the Roof. Do I have your consent that at the end of this episode we're all going to watch that? A portion of it. We're not going to watch the full song. Is this the one where you did the gibberish thing? I don't think you did it in this draft.

I'm sure that they recorded a better version. But it's not going to be good. Listen, I already told that. It's bad. It's seventh grade. Well, Tova was saying, she said, so when, she said, what makes it for talent to come later?

And I said, I don't know. Because we've all seen kids that like, I always think like the Harry Potter kids were like talented kids. And then they like hit puberty, became self self-aware and suddenly the acting is so bad but that would also be like asking the harry potter kids to play tevye do you know what i mean like when they're kids and on a stage in front of a big stage you know do you think they should have do you think for those shows they should pick shows that are about young people?

Or do you think it's just so weird to see? It's impossible. There are no shows about young people. And the ones that are about young people are about young people giving each other blowjobs in mall parking lots. So I don't think that's good either. Yeah, because then it's weird when you're doing Annie and you're like, here are the young kids who are like sometimes too old because they're in middle school.

But then the adults are the same. It's like you have giant kids and baby adults. Did you ever have in middle school or high school a member of the staff? What do you call them? Faculty? Faculty. Jesus. A member of the crew. A member of the staff what do you call them the faculty jesus a member of the crew

a member of the crew i did go to school we call them by our first names in my high school yeah it felt like cool did like did they ever play a cameo role oh yes no we had like our drama teacher i don't think so our drama teacher we had a pool teacher who. I'm sorry. Did you say pool? Like, yeah, like aqua. Like we had a pool in our school. And he ran the facilities there. And he was also a bit of a thespian.

And he would play a role. And we had like a really old man that for a couple of years would show up and play like really old man parts. Um, like he would be like the uncle at Sarah Brown's uncle and guys and dolls. Oh yeah. Who has that one song, like the old man song. Um,

uh, but yeah, our teacher forgot his line. He had one line and he went out there, he went out there and he doesn't, and you saw him like completely freak out and all of us on stage. You've had, have you had that moment?

And it feels like an hour past us on stage. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And no one knew. I was in the ensemble, so I didn't even know how to contribute at all. Because he's also the teacher, so you're like. You don't have the thing at that point either. And the acting teacher. It's like if a math person had to like, your math teacher had to leave a tip.

And you saw him just go. Oh, no, you're the guy. We're here today. Very treat it is uh jessica fry on the pod uh uh famously it was your episode i've said this before uh originally we had patrons that were just you know we didn't release any of it and yours was so good we talked about uh birth yeah and it was so good that i said well we know, we didn't release any of it. And yours was so good. We talked about birth. And it was so good that I said, well, we can't. We can't just have patron exclusive about getting something.

That was the moment. Douglas? No. Chris? No. It was you. Well, they have to give birth first for them to get the special treatment. And I know Russell has been babysitting for you. It's true.

He saved my ass. It was so fun. What happened? You lost the babysitter? No, no, no. So, okay, I'm doing a show right now where I'm getting paid literally under $3,000

for, you know, a month and a half of work. And we have babysitters every single night. And so it's just costing literally more to do, have babysitters than it is for me to do this show. What's the babysitter rate right now? $25 an hour and I pay for their cab home. Oh, my God.

And a tip? Got to have a local hire. Usually not a tip. It's like a $25 an hour. Maybe I'll get their dinner. I never did that. Like when I was doing it, I was $ an hour, and they did not pay for travel. So that's good on you.

I used to have a family. I used to be a babysitter, and this one family did it for me. And I was like, I will return the favor. I mean, I sometimes regret it, but I try. I try to be a good babysitter person. I also try to find them close. Yeah, try to find them real close. One time a Brooklyn person, $80.

And I was like, that's fine. That's good. Here's all my money. It was so brutal. But yeah, Russell's just literally been helping me out. But Marga's obsessed with him. So that's very sweet. Oh, she's so fun.

Were you a good babysitter? I think I was a really good babysitter. I was on my hands and knees one time finding someone's tooth because they were going to put it under their pillow for the tooth fairy. they it like it got lost in their very very messy room so i was like looking amongst teeny tiny lego pieces for a tooth yeah for hours and the child the children was like they were sobbing and screaming about how the tooth fairy wouldn't come so i think i'm pretty good i think i I was solid. Yeah. Yeah. I, uh, what about, what about, uh, disciplining? You know, here's the thing about discipline. I feel like I'm going to push it,

but I'm not going to push it too hard. Cause I'm like, I don't know what the line is. If they're like, mommy, if they're not your kid, you know, sometimes I'm like, let's get from here to here with the easiest possible. I'm not going to like bribe them or whatever. Sure. But if they're not my kid, I wasn't going to be like, you do this or else you're going in the bathroom. Yeah. You know? Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, I don't do that. Going in the bathroom, that's your punishment? Did your parents ever punish you? It sounded like you were like, what do parents do? No, honestly, my parents didn't punish me. I was one of those kids. Well, you were an only kid.

It's important to say. Yeah. And I feel like when parents have more I had a hot seat. Well, you were an only kid, it's important to say. I was an only child, yeah. And I feel like, I feel like when parents have more kids, that's when they go, you have to shut up and that's when you hit.

Well, oh God. Definitely no hitting. But the only time, I very distinctly remember the only time that my mom got like really mad and it was, I was sitting in my hot seat,

which was like a plush, big, huge seat. It was comfortable. And I was like thinking about what I had done and I was screaming in my hot seat, which was like a plush, big, huge seat. It was comfortable. And I was like thinking about what I had done. And I was screaming. And she came in and it was around Easter time. And she took my Easter basket and she flung it against the side of the wall. And she was like, will you stop screaming?

And the Easter, like the grass was going everywhere. And my mom, who's like this month at restaurants, she orders so quietly that you can't't hear oh my god very soft-spoken very sweet and she like lost it and i was like what if you fuck up her third order she takes the bread basket and slams it on the table but that i never i was like did it shock you oh my god i was like i'm sorry i'll stop and i i stopped yeah and i feel like that's the thing when parents save it when parents save it it can be effective but if they blow their watch anytime it happens my stepdad he did

and I don't really consider it hitting because by the way plenty of families plenty of families still hit this is part of like I spoke out of turn he did to my sisters because he couldn't because I'm his stepson hit. I mean, this is part of like... No, I had it coming. I spoke out of turn. I had it coming.

No, he did to my sisters because he couldn't because I'm his stepson and my dad would kill him. But he would do to my sister and say, present your hand. Oh, yes. Present your hand. Not a high five. Not a high five, you dumbass. Oh.

It's like, it feels like royalty. Like, it feels like royalties. You're getting in trouble. You know? Yeah, it's like it feels like royalty like it feels like royalties you're getting in trouble you know yeah it's like a white guy the pope is like it'd be funny if you flipped it one day and give it a little kiss yeah oh that's it i still love you uh you ever what was a punishment time out grounding time out in my room um uh things taken, TV, you know, that kind of thing. No hitting, but those things, you know, things were taken away. First short toys, TV. Were you a good kid or were you a bad kid?

Good. I think the most trouble I got into normally was like with my brother. Like we would get in fights and like, you know, we would. Like physical fights. Physical fights and like that kind of thing. like physical fights physical fights and like that kind of thing and so that's when like stuff would happen when you and you and now thinking of it you can like just see your parents being like shut up like just shut the fuck up do you know what i mean like totally it's too much would you beat your brother would like would you like would you

wrestle with your brother yeah yeah and were you just the dominant one yeah because you're older yeah because i had the awful the worst thing that I would do once in a while to my little brother. I'd be like, I'm going to give you a five star or whatever. Do you know what a five star is? You don't know what a five star is? Classic. A bareback.

And there's a five star mark. That sounds so sexy. You do it like... A bareback? With your brother? You do it like... I'm back. You do it in the pool. You do it like pool. You've got a thing with your family. Yeah.

But then the worst thing was like, he would... You'd go too far. It's not like he'd be in too much pain. He'd start crying. Then my stepdad would come in. Yeah. What's going on here?

And I'd be like, we were roughhousing. I know. You try to explain. And he got too hurt. And then he would get mad at my little brother and I'd be scot-free and that's terrible. We would have fight of the months, we'd call it.

We would clear out the living room. We would clear out a wrestling ring, which is funny because neither of us really watch wrestling, but we would clear out the couch cushions and stuff and use them as a ring. My father... And it would start would clear out the like the the pick up the couch cushions and stuff and use them as like a

as like a ring and we would like my father it would start off fun sometimes and then it would always escalate to actual like oh we're hurting each other you know i was super interested my father he would let us put because single dad he let us put two mattresses stacked on top of each other in the middle of the living room. So we jump off the sides. And I had a guy, his name was Billy over, and I tried to do a move called like the figure four, which is a finishing move. And like, it's, you put pressure on the leg against the leg. He immediately started crying.

And I was like, oh, what have I done? Yeah. There were two kids in Florida. Someone killed the other kid. And that was like the big wrestling controversy. Yeah. Oh my God., my God. Oh, my God.

Yeah. I never did this physical stuff. It was just always emotional manipulation. But when I would go to kids' houses, I'd be like, if you don't do this, I'm leaving. Like what? I'm calling my mom. Like what were you making them do? I don't know.

Just be like, I'm the boss, and whatever I say goes. I was a monster. I think I was a monster, yeah. Really? I was definitely like into dominating other kids with my, with my, my will. You know what I mean?

But I think that's like a, I mean, isn't that like a fairly common kid thing or you're both looking at me like this. We were definitely dominated. But I think I know what you're saying. There was like a power dynamic in, in,

in young childhood friendships where you knew who was going to call the shots in, in a, in a, in a way that is maybe less clear now. Or you like, you know, what about being an only kid?

Have you noticed anything or can you perceive of, of how other people are different or how you're different because of that big thing when we go on road trips? Okay. So my husband's of that? Big thing. When we go on road trips, okay, so my husband's also an only child. So when we go on road trips, if we want to stop, if I want to stop at Arby's, let's say, and he wants to stop at Chick-fil-A, we stop both places.

There's no compromise. We're like, you're getting what you want, and I'm getting what I want. So it's just the full experience of like, no, no, no, we're going to give each other the luxe version of this. And then now that you have Margot, you're going to have a third.

Oh, God. You're going to make three stops at three horrible fast food places and then we're going to have diarrhea in three different states after that. Do you and your husband, do you think you ever have fights that are because you are both used to getting your way?

That's such a good question. I'm sure the answer is yes, but I can't immediately come and nothing comes to mind. You can't think of a fight? No. Good for you. Honestly, I have this weird thing where after I have fights with people or secrets, if you tell me a secret, I instantly black out. And I'm like, and then I completely forget it. And it's really bad.

I think it's called being a bad friend. I have this thing where you tell me something. I don't remember a single bit of it. It's specifically with secrets. Like if you're like, I have a secret, I really do forget it. I have like a blackout and same with fights.

Like I can't remember what fights are about. Not really. Except for one. Oh my God. No, not to be, you're going to fight about children. Not to be too misogynistic.

The idea that you forget every fight. I mean, I kind of do. Sounds like the greatest trait in the entire world. I've never heard of such a thing. I'm the greatest wife in the world. Wow. Toba's got an alphabetical index. I mean, it's astounding.

Wait, but does that just in marriage or you forget fights with anyone? I think kind of anybody. I think. You don't remember an uncle function fight? Honestly, no. I can remember yelling don't remember an Uncle Function fight? Honestly, no. I can remember yelling, but I can't remember a fight. Like, I never remember the specifics of the fights. Can you remember one Uncle Function fight?

Oh, wait. I think I know who you're talking about. Honestly. There was a thing that I was not there for, Jess. Oh, God, what? I think it's a long enough time that we can all jokingly about it. What? There was one time where they-

I kind of remember, but I don't remember the details at all. It was at Citizen M. I had left. I remember that. And you were, there was some way

that it was, Christopher Douglas was saying something and you were mad and the way he was described to me was like, just scared the shit

out of me. Yeah. I mean, they talked about it. I'm calling my mom and I'm going to go home. No, it was, I remember this.

It was, if you keep bringing this up, I'm going to. Oh. I remember this. If you keep bringing this up, I'm going to... Oh, wow. You remember? Because I've heard the story. I've heard the story. That's crazy. I don't remember this at all.

It is a part of war. I can't remember who it was directed at. I can't remember if it was Chris or Douglas. It was Chris. If you keep bringing this up, something like that. I can't remember what it was. Chris could It was Chris. If you bring, if you keep, if we keep, if you keep bringing this up. Yeah. Something like that. I can't remember. It was very tense.

Chris could describe the temperature. I've never seen, like, it was a, just a, you know, you're like, oh,

I'd never seen that like kind of thing. Oh wow, yeah. I don't fuck around. If you, if you get in a fight with me, I will rip your head off. I will be like,

I'm coming for you. And then you forget about it. I really do. Yeah. I black out. I feel like I really like knew, uh, your,

your dominance is when we did like clown bar together. Yeah. And I was the understudy for this role. And there was like one physical sequence that was with Jessica's character. Jessica, like a, like a marionette to a puppet was like, no,

it's this, this, this. And I was like, yes, ma'am. Yeah. Yes,

ma'am. You tell me how this scene goes and I am there. Move people around on stage. You know, that's, that's i i'm really good at giving other actors notes were you there for the show i've brought this thing up you were there when we went to the box together as a group no i wasn't it was described to me later though but i i feel even though i didn't experience that it's there and i don't remember the fight that we had with uncle function how is that possible like i fully i remember you all talking about, they were like, somebody stuck a whiskey bottle up their ass, right?

Oh no, it was someone tried to fist their own asshole and failed once, failed twice, and failed the third time too. That's, you know. The third time though was the best because it got so close and you thought, you thought maybe it's a ruse.

Every listener's like, if we hear the fucking asshole first, I'm sorry one more time. I know. These poor people have heard this so many times. It was too late. The show started at like 3 and by 5 I was like, I am. Yeah. You got to succeed at 5 a.m.

Have you ever gone to the, I've never gone to the show. No, I don't feel like I would. I wouldn't like it. I think I would have fun. I wouldn't. Oh, you'd have a blast. And like there's so much music. There's too much music for me. Why wouldn't you like it? Oh, I just, I sometimes't like it. I think I would have fun. I wouldn't like it. Oh, you'd have a blast. And like there's so much music. There's too much music for me.

Why wouldn't you like it? Oh, I just, I sometimes stuff like that makes me feel a little bit sad. I'm like, what's, where, where have you been? Where have you come from? How did you? What are you doing the lyrics to Cut Night, Joe? Where did you come from? Where did you go?

How did you get your fist in your ass? Come on, where did you go? How'd you get your fist in your ass? You're listening to The Downside. The Downside. With Gianmarco Ceresi.