The Downside with Gianmarco Soresi - #218 Don’t F*** the Comedians with Matt Braunger

Episode Date: July 9, 2024

Comedian Matt Braunger joins to discuss the downsides of having to follow Jake Gyllenhaal on a variety show, going to your future wife’s first wedding, Portland’s progressiveness (aka young revolutionary nihilism), and why unrealistic housing in NYC based films must be stopped.  You can watch full video of this episode HERE! Join the Patreon free for 7 days for ad-free episodes, exclusive content, and MORE. Follow Matt on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, YouTube, & TikTok See Matt in a city near you: https://www.mattbraunger.com/ Watch Matt's Don't Tell Comedy set here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XaNW1NnNWok And watch Matt's new 20 minute set at: https://punchup.live/mattbraunger Follow The Downside with Gianmarco Soresi on Instagram Get tickets to our live podcast tour! July 23 | Washington DC: https://www.dccomedyloft.com/shows/266932 July 24 | Boston: https://thewilbur.com/deep-cuts/artist/downside-podcast/ July 25 | Philadelphia: https://link.dice.fm/DSG_UA24 July 26 | NYC: https://citywinery.com/new-york-city/events/downside-podcast-live-gywjza Follow Gianmarco Soresi on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, & YouTube Subscribe to Gianmarco Soresi's email & texting lists Check out Gianmarco Soresi's bi-monthly show in NYC Get tickets to see Gianmarco Soresi in a city near you Watch Gianmarco Soresi's special "Shelf Life" on Amazon Follow Russell Daniels on Twitter & Instagram E-mail the show at [e-mail] Produced by Paige Asachika & Gianmarco Soresi Video edited by Dave Columbo Technical production by Chris Mueller Special Thanks Tovah Silbermann Original music by Douglas Goodhart Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Shop at Sephora today. Limitations apply. Must be a beauty insider. See terms at sephora today limitations apply must be a beauty insider see terms at sephora.com for complete details welcome to the downside my name is oh wow your shirt see-through well oh you didn't i thought it was a compliment coming and then you just said see-through you just said a fact oh my god your shirt has blue in it No, I like it Thank you It was a risk I'm trying to get summery I like your aesthetic I feel like it's short shorts

Showing it off It's hot But I like that look I have a shirt like that I've worn mine buttoned You're the second younger man I've seen like this with a tank top underneath it A white undershirt I like that. Yeah. I've worn mine buttoned. You're the second younger man I've seen like this with like a tank top

underneath it, a white, you know, undershirt. I like that. I'm stealing. It looks good. It looks good.

Well, thank you. I think if it was buttoned, I wouldn't be as into this. I had to learn. I was wearing this over a shirt and Tova kept going,

no, tank top or nothing. And then I thought to just button, but nips out. And people said no. Oh, yeah. Oh, because it's too see-through.

I see. Mine is not see-through. I think it's tough for me to get away with see-through nips showing and be straight. I agree. I think it doesn't... It's false advertising. It's baiting. No, it's baiting.

It's baiting. You're doing a lot of it. You're showing my body. Yeah, you're showing your body. I leaned a little too hard this week. I got to back off a little. Yeah, you got to back off. Yeah. a little too hard this week. I got to back off a little. Yeah, you got to back off. Yeah.

Straighten it up. You leaned in for pride. I called. I said our podcast is like the gay Las Culturalistas and someone said, okay, that's a little

much. That's funny. Yeah. It wasn't just that. It wasn't in a vacuum. I'll tell them another straight guy said it was funny and that should clear it

all right. You tell them. You tell those. What do we call him now? It's the worst. You okay? Yes. My name is Joe Marcus Rezzi.

Here's my co-host, Russell Daniels. Hi, Joe Marcus. Here's our guest, Matt Bronger. Hi, guys. We'll get to you in a second. I'll be here.

Saw Cabaret last night on Broadway. All right. Are you in musical theater? Do'll be here. Saw Cabaret last night on Broadway. All right. Are you a musical theater? Do you like musical theater? Love it. I went to school right outside White Plains,

a place called Manhattanville. And before that, I did big musicals in high school, like big ones. And I remember going to their black box theater and going,

where's the big one? Like, it kind of crushed me. You liked the spectacle. I did. I liked both. Yeah. But I was just like, there's the big one? Like, it kind of crushed me. You liked the spectacle. I did. I liked both. Yeah. But I was just like, there's no option to do, say, Music Man here at all. Sure.

Well, you got trouble. Did you play Music Man, Harold Hill? No. My friend Jay did. But yeah, he was the year before me. So then the next year, they did Music Man. That's one of those roles I could come back, you know. That's what Jeff Goldblum did.

Did you do it? I did it in eighth grade. Yeah. Huge, though. I still remember those. Huge. I bet. Yeah?

I bet, yeah. You say it in a way that feels negative. If I was going to cast you in something, that's what I would cast you as. I don't like that show. Because I'm a huckster? No, it just seems like you. You seem like that guy. Yeah, like Tommy Toon.

Yes. You got something about that part. Yeah, tall. Tommy Toon came to my school, and they would do this with musical theater colleges. He came to test out a new musical. Okay. And they made it seem like it's Tommy Toon.

Really, he's just trying out something at the base level, and he doesn't have to pay people, and they can say you get points for your equity. And it was about Studio 54. But it was like the kind of Broadway Studio 54. My mom went to Studio 54 when she was like 14.

And they didn't have any of that. Though I do believe, and I gotta verify this, but I'm 99% sure, there was someone played Stephen Hawking full on in a wheelchair with the voice. I don't know if he had a song.

Well, you got trouble. He did the music man. He did the full music man song. Yeah. Wow. I thought he'd see me. I wasn't in it. We're not in 8th grade anymore in this story. He didn't do the Studio, I thought he'd see me. I wasn't in it. And we're not in eighth grade anymore in this story, yeah?

He didn't do the Studio 54 thing for the eighth graders. What's everyone snorting? Eighth grade would be like, that's the age my mom was when she was, yeah, my mom, she's got some stories.

That's wild. 14, man. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. She was, I mean, they were doing, I mean, they talk about, my dad always says to me,

and he's 70. Okay. And he goes, and he was like a Studio 54 guy, too. He liked disco. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And he was like, son, you have no idea. Before AIDS?

I know. Oh, yeah. And I'm like, but how much? Like, compared to how, what are we talking about? Because I hear Studio 54 like they were fucking on the dance floor. Right. Oh, yeah. I think it was a little bit more illicit than that.

But I really feel like you have to understand, this is before AIDS. This is before camera phones. Yeah. It's hard to even understand that. Any camera they'd have would be this big. You couldn't hide it. So it's kind of like, this didn't happen. Night after night, this didn't happen.

There's no record of it. You know what I mean? Like five people just boning it once. In good ways and terrible ways. Terrible ways. So much terribleness. What's the sex club that was famous? So in...

It's like... Yes. I was about to say... Plato's Cave? Oh, I don't know about that like... Yes. I was about to say... Plato's Cave? Oh, I don't know about that at all. I literally was about to say like Poseidon's Nightmare or something totally made up.

But it's like... Plato's Retreat. Plato's Retreat. Plato's Retreat. When was this? This was 72 and in New York and it was just...

It's almost more disgusting that it was straight. Oh, sure. Like a straight sex club. I feel like if it's a straight sex club, like, you know, it's a straight guy's version of it. It's not like,

hey, we got together. We said, what do you like? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The female fantasies there. Yeah, it's just, you know, here's my truck that broke down and this guy looks like he dressed up like a mechanic for me

and, you know, he understands my feelings. Yeah. Yeah. No, it's... I almost feel like with my feelings yeah yeah no it's it's i almost feel like with your gay sex club it's almost like that they can't help it you know yeah like dudes i mean they're all short for the most part um yeah i wish i could go just for one just to feel what it was like we're talking i always told you my my my favorite neighbor bj

the dj bj the dj the dj she was a my a neighbor that I had for a long time was a DJ at Studio 54 BJ the DJ you said DJ like it was a new piece of information Barbara Jean BJ the DJ was a DJ

yeah but oh man she wasn't a dancing jockey no no she had I mean she she talked about

arriving in a limo to get the just like that kind of like oh man just to have a piece of that history. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did she share any like – and then they were doing cocaine.

Not really. She's just one of those people – I've told this before on the pod, but I'm telling you. She's one of those people that anytime you hang out with her, you find a new thing that she did in her life. Like she was a Trump stewardess. She was on the Trump softball league with Marla Maples. Voted for Trump several times.

No, no, no. She's very... But just always has a different thing that she was in Burger King commercials in the 70s. Yeah. So it was a spokesperson for that. But she's not an actor anymore. It's just a wild life.

I love meeting... Our neighbor Hillary lives next door to us, in the house next door. And she'll just have something new like every couple of weeks she knows everyone's business you know it but not in an intrusive way she'll be like well they're going through this blah blah you know but she at one point was like oh I was a backup singer for a female impersonator called Aurora Borealis in the in the 70s in San Francisco and I was like what yeah you were you know yeah and it's like I believe it it's that same thing where it like they don thing where they don't dress wild or anything like that.

No, no, no. You never know. Yeah. You never know. So you went to Cabaret. So I went to Cabaret. Several understudies. And you've forced me to...

He was an understudy on Broadway. Okay. And I just had that quick moment where you open it and you go oh no can i tell you and then i go and you know you know who was uh one of the understudies uh the co-host of shane gillis's podcast oh good one um listen uh um can't tell you something uh i would love it if that was true fairly common after tony's for people to call out you that's a that's a great point. Eddie Redmayne was there. Okay.

So I got to see whatever the fuck that was. Yeah. No, it was good. It was good. He performed at the Tony's and it was a little much, but it worked in the thing. It was very good.

After you see theater, I really like, I'm a very, we like to talk shit on this podcast, but you see theater and there really is a part of you going like, they gave it their all. That's a lot what they did.

I would never, I don't, I feel more. No, for sure. But that's, but I remember that's why I couldn't, unless I didn't do theater because no one was asking,

but also I'm like, I would have struggled. And I think you have the struggle to a degree of like, there's like, uh, it's supposed to be really positive. Yes. Because to, to show up every day,

you got to have a degree of, and I remember when they did the Sound of Music Live, and it was like the first live televised thing. Yeah. And it was bad for a lot of reasons.

It was fun. But like, people on Twitter were like, guys, you can't talk ill of this. We have to support the theater industry as a whole. It was very,

don't be cynical, don't critique. And I'm like, I'm not that guy. No, you can't. And I'm like, I'm not that guy. No, you can't. And you can't, like, you wouldn't want a theater critic to do that. It's accepted that it is the heavyweight champion. Like, live theater is the heavyweight, especially Broadway.

Heavyweight champion. You know, I remember doing this show live from here that was a radio show that was done live. And we did it at the Old Town Theater one night. And I was like the one stand-up. And I have a whole story about this on a record of mine. But I had to follow Jake Gyllenhaal doing this monologue thing. And I came out and was just like, you know, I'm like, I don't know how to.

You know, the stage manager's like, hey, you're up. You're up next. I'm like, get the, no. What? Because he did this monologue. It's from the show show he did it was a two-man show about the death of a child oh my god he did this monologue that was just like you know you're like ah like he's built in a lab you know first off and then he's also very talented and like not a dry eye in the house and they're like and now comedian you know and i come out and i just said give it

up for my twin jake and and they laughed so hard it hurt my feelings yeah and like but it was like it was also like that's the the the magic of anything live but it just the fact that it was on broadway i'll never be back i'm sure wait what was this it's called live from here it's like uh it's almost like a variety show where they do there's like there'll be a band like i think i think was like the dude from vampire weekend yeah and then like yeah like then they'll be a band. Like I think, I think it was like the dude from Vampire Weekend. Yeah. And then like, yeah, like then they'll have, you know,

that because it was on Broadway, we like, we should get a performer and Jake just came over between the matinee and the, and the, and the evening and did this. Yeah. And then like, you know, there's a, a sketch group or something like, so it was, it's, it's fun, but it's like, I always, who doesn't respect broadway live theater it's just mind numbingly hard the repetition every single day i used to wonder what would be harder

uh doing night mother on broadway or doing cabaret i don't know the negativity or the positivity i think no well like cabaret is pretty dark. Right, sorry, bad example. But I do think the positive is easier because I feel like if I had to, because A of all, you're coming to work and sometimes you're going to be tired and you're going to be like,

and then if I had to then be bummed out on stage every night to that extent, like a night mother, where you're like, I feel like that would wear on you. We're also three comedians, though. Yeah, ultimately. It's true. Do you identify as a comedian?

Ish. But I think, I don't know. I think it's, well, maybe not, because the happy stuff requires more of an audience. Yeah. And an audience to be on board and be energetic. Right. And that can be, when that's not happening, oh, man.

But that's when I knew, I saw Philip Seymour Hoffman do Death of a Salesman. Right. And that can be, when that's not happening, oh man. But that's when I knew, I saw Philip Seymour Hoffman do Death of a Salesman. Yeah. And this is when like, I was, again, I didn't leave theater

because I said no, but I think this was part of it where I saw him in Death of a Salesman, he walks on and I believe his first line is, I have such thoughts. And it's not even in the script

because I've read it enough, but he walks in and he started, he said, I have such thoughts. And he started sobbing the script because i've read it enough but he walks in and he started he said i have such thoughts and he started sobbing and i had this thought of like i wouldn't want to do that every day even if i could yeah but i also think he lived in a different space yeah then i think some comedians do right right yeah and i know i know a few comedians that would kill to do that. You know, they want to do the sad shit. Only when I'm really sad. Those moments where I'm having the worst day,

I'm like, put me on Broadway right now. Let me be on a stage and say I have such thoughts that I will destroy. The last time I loved doing stuff like that was in high school and college. Because it's like, I'm going to do this six times. I'm not going to do it for, what, seven months or whatever the run is.

I do look at, having done now theater here, I do look at shows where you're like, Stereophonic I saw, and it was like, it's an over three and a half hour show. Imagine doing that twice a day. Just the logistics of it. It's a great play, lots of cool acting moments,

but that is so much, like, work. Compared to, like, an hour and 40 minutes, and you're like, boom, boom, boom, no intermission. You know what I mean? Like, so it's just, yeah. I found women who are the leads in musicals, men too, but it's more noticeable on women, certain shows, they're ripped.

You know? Like, when I've been on, I was on this, I did this work for two days, a guest role on the show called Carol's Second Act, just random sitcom. And there was this gal who played a doctor on it, and she just had these amazing arms. You know, like we were just hanging out before we shot. She had like a tank top on.

And I was like, oh, you're on Broadway. And she's like, oh, I have. How did you? And I was like, you're in incredible shape. Yeah. Like athlete shape kind of thing. And it's because of the repetition, I think. It's because of being, you know, keeping yourself healthy. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like it's it's I can't imagine. So on the way home, we were in the subway, Tova and I were in the subway at 10.30, and it was like this,

like a very movie-esque, we got stuck between two stops, and there was a guy at the end of the train who's acting really crazy, and we are, I mean, we are like not moving at all,

and it was one of those things he was at the other end of the train, and it's not very empty, pretty empty, and we're looking away. And then he just starts coming over. Oh, God.

And I just had that moment where I was like, I think Tom and I have been together long enough that I would have to defend her. Yeah. Definitely. No, but I didn't know her. So I just start considering. Because I don't have a lot on me. But I had the cabaret playbill. Oh, my God.

And my phone. And I remember this feeling of like being prepared just in case because he hit him with a he turned to us where i just started i was like i to get ready just in case i put the playbill on the floor and that was like me preparing for battle you roll your neck and crack your knuckles and it was just one of those it was like don't make eye contact and i he was like he was talking about people who who don't listen and i was just nodding just nodding like i'm listening to you i'm listening to you buddy and uh then eventually we got to the stop we kind of get between us walk away and as we

leave he goes you look like hugh jackman oh and i was like oh that's nice he's not so crazy after all this is the downside he's dead on And I was like, aw. That's nice. He's not so crazy after all. This is The Downside. He's dead on. He's dead on. You're listening to The Downside. The Downside. With Gianmarco Ceresi. That's an interesting move.

I always, because I have headphones on always, and they're noise canceling. I mean, they don't know that they're noise canceling. But I always, in I have headphones on always, and they're noise canceling. I mean, they don't know that they're noise canceling. But I always, in that circumstance, pause my music and pretend to be asleep. That's my move. You close your eyes? Yeah.

That sounds terrifying to me. But then I'm like, Wait, show me. They're open enough that if someone were to, like, if you were to move towards me, you know, right now, John Marco, if you were to move towards me, I could still, like,

do it, you know? Blind fury. I could still like you know I could still react but that's what I you'd still get that samurai sword out it's like trying not to like a T-Rex like we've said if you don't move

they can't see you it's like me being like if I'm asleep they won't do anything to me you know there's the bigger fish to fry you know where it's those movies like

where if a guy grabs like this you spin him like this but your move was just this no it was no okay if I'm thinking of what my move is okay so you're regular it's those movies where if a guy grabs you like this, you spin him like this. But your move was just this. No, it was... If I'm thinking of what my

move is... I'm going around. Ready? People don't listen. People don't listen. It's a hit to the gut and then a boom. We loved that move as a kid, man. That is my move.

That's like a Chuck Norris original. If a little kid tries to sell you some candy for his basketball tee, boom a boom. We loved that move as a kid, man. That is my move. That's like a Chuck Norris original. If a little kid tries to sell you some candy for his basketball tee, boom, boom. You got a little lower than one knee. I'll be very honest. I think it would take someone hitting me before I did anything, though. Because I would be too nervous that they're just going to get close enough. You know, I mean, the only time a woman hit me with a shoe once. That's as much of a thing that's happened to me.

She took her shoe off and hit you? No, it was on her and she she she was already on she it wasn't she was kind of aiming the guy next to me but it hit me a little oh wow um and she was she was really she was having her time it was like in those days of covid where it was like a little more of the wild west everybody's on the edge and um and uh we all got off we all got off at that next stop you know yeah that cleared the car, that cleared the car. Yeah, that cleared the car. And also, sometimes that happens and you're like, is she going to get off too?

Are they going to get off too, the person? Sure. This guy got off of us this time. And then you're like, oh, I want to get back on then. You know what I mean? Oh, sure. Sometimes you're like, oh. Real comedy of errors.

We're getting away from you. Surely you know that. I saw the worst thing I ever saw on the subway. It was like a kid and he had a skateboard. And he was like fighting with someone

and he said, I'm a man. I'm a man. He was fighting. He just kept saying, I'm a man. He was a very young kid and he took his skateboard

and he smacked this guy in the head with the skateboard. I still think of, every time I see a skateboard, I think of it. And then the moment he smacked him, he ran off and went, I'm just a boy. I'm just of, every time I see a skateboard, I think of it. And then the moment he smacked him, he ran off and went,

I'm just a boy. I'm just a boy. It was incredible. It was an incredible thing to witness. Wow. This, that he just like, was trying to play that card right away.

I'm a boy. I'm just a little boy. But really just, I now see skateboards and I see them as weapons. Yeah. Well, to be fair,

a man doesn't hit another man with a skateboard. Like, that's the wrong man weapon. You know? I would take off my roller skate I see them as weapons. Yeah. Well, to be fair, a man doesn't hit another man with a skateboard. Like, that's the wrong man weapon, you know? I would take off my roller skate and hit him like that woman did with you. Roller blade. Roller blade. Yeah.

Thank you. It's not as harsh. Oh, man. The other day, I was just nervous. But they turned out to be fine energy. They were smiling the whole time. But, you know, you just don't ever know because they're moving fast. It was one of those situations where you're like, oh man, they clearly just got

released from the hospital. They were in a gown and you're like, oh, how did this happen? Do you know what I mean? How did this happen that it's this fresh and they weren't aggressive or anything, but

they're just moving fast and smiling, but you're pacing up and down the thing. So everyone's like, you know. Today's episode is brought to you by the NYPD. It's not that bad. Everyone does it. They get it. This is the downside.

This is a place, as you can tell, we complain, we get negative. We don't have to feel good about anything. If you're a fan of the show, join the Patreon. Patreon.com slash downside. I want to plug this now, even though apparently they're sold out online. Jim Gaffigan, I guess we could say friend of the pod. Never been on the pod, but friend of the pod.

Friend of the pod. Sent us this. He has a new bourbon. It's called Father Time Preciousentucky straight bourbon whiskey and here it is uh so it's already sold out but i'm sure they'll be making more yeah so check it out russell's being more careful about drinking but i'm gonna have some right now keep passing one of those uh mugs over there oh yeah feel free if you want i'm good right now but thank you You're good, yeah. Russell's Russell's. Jim sent me one, too, and the UPS person came two times. He came three times, and I called.

I was like, I'll just come pick it up. And they're like, no, he's coming tomorrow. And I'm like, but I'm in and out all day. Yeah. And then they sent it back. And then I texted him and was like, fuck, can you have your people send it again? I'm sure he loved that. And he was like, yeah, I'll tell them.

And then my wife and I were in Vegas last weekend, and I just get this screenshot, and it's a list of all the comedians who had the bottle returned. And it's like me, Bonnie McFarlane. It's just like 17 people. And I'm like, oh, fuck. And I just did the LOL thing, just going, yeah, my bottle's gone. Yeah.

Like, I can't. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Be like, you know, I'll buy it, Jim. I'll buy it. Well, I'm thankful, and hopefully Jim doesn't mind that I criticized the comedians visiting the Pope pretty harshly three weeks before this episode came out. Whoa, what was the problem with that? Yeah.

Oh, just because he has a problem with gay? Thank you. Okay, let me ask you. Let me ask you. But you did it on the Patreon. gay... Okay, let me ask you. Let me ask you. But you did it on the Patreon. First of all, let's ask this. Were you asked? Did you say no?

No. Okay. No. Okay. I'm not an echelon. I love you for even thinking I might be. I was thinking you were going to ask if I was raised Catholic, because I was. Yeah.

Oh, interesting. I grew up with my mother saying the Pope can fuck himself. Oh, okay. I grew up in a very- But she was Catholic. Yes, but very progressive. Like my church in Portland, Oregon, which is weird because Portland is, to use the term, white as a nun's ass.

Yeah. The church, the parish was burned down in the 30s for allowing black parishioners. Oh my God. Which, you know, pretty awesome. And, you know, pretty awesome. And, you know, there were gay members. Wait, you have to clarify which side you are on there. You're like, it was burned down for allowing black parishioners. I said the 30s.

Oh, good. You're like, good. That's pretty awesome that they burned it down. No, it was burned down by not the parishioners, by people. Racist people. Yes, racist people. Yeah, that's not good. But anyway, so I grew up in this incredibly progressive church. And when I grew up, it was John Paul II.

And my mother was like, he's a fucking fascist. And, you know, this guy sucks. Did she like the Pope before? No, and didn't like the Pope after. This is the first one she's been like, he's all right. You know, because he, ironically, was kind of like, gays should be allowed to, you know, I don't know if he said marry or just live. Not marry.

Yeah, he said live. He said live. He said God loves them. And my mom's like, okay. But she really doesn't. It's not like a hatred. She just doesn't care about the pope. But then he goes and calls him the F word.

Yeah. There's too much effetry in the priesthood, which I will say when I read that, I laughed because I imagined it in his accent. Yes. How you say... In his costume. Yeah, in that outfit. So gay. That's the whole thing. It's just like, yeah, maybe

it was the cloaks and the hats and the... And not being allowed to marry a woman, you think? I mean, to get to the point. Sure. But yeah. So no, I wasn't invited. So I never had that crisis of decision.

And I would definitely have a crisis of decision. I'd be like, I don't know. Really? You know, in the end, I will be honest, I probably would go. I probably would, you know. Would you say to him, you have a brief little meet and greet?

I'd be like, hey man, just say gay. Gay is fine. That would, listen, and I would respect that. If that's what's happening, yeah. Just say gay. Just say gay. What was that?

Just say gay. Just say gay. I mean, it's like, I was thinking that John Waters quote when he's on The Simpsons and Homer's like, because you're queer. That's what you like to be called, right?

Queer. And he's like, that or John. Like, it's just this,psons and Homer's like, because you're queer. That's what you like to be called, right? Queer. And he's like, that or John. Like, it's just this. You know, it's like, that's one of the most annoying things about being gay, I'd imagine, is just being like, oh, what do I call you?

Is this okay? Yeah, yeah. Just fucking stop. Gay is not my everything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But your mom was Catholic while saying the Pope is a fascist. Yeah, and they still are Catholic.

They still go. But how, I just feel like, doesn't Catholicism really revolve around the guy talking to the guy? Yes and no. It's just, there's splinter groups, you know, of Christianity all over the place. And even in Catholicism. Is it a different name, though?

When you say splinter groups, like... Oh, no, it's still Catholic. It's still Catholic, but it's just like, our parish was certainly a church that if it got famous for this stuff the vatican would be mad oh for sure yeah because it's like you're not following doctrine and it's kind of like yeah but father bob's really chill so hush don't you agree though that that uh what what could what could be better for a comedian what What should be more honorable for a comedian than the Catholic Church saying, this is bad?

Yeah. Yeah. I mean... That's the goal. So, your wife... Yes. ...met my girlfriend before I was with my girlfriend. Uh-huh.

And I think... She warned me this was coming up, and I knew it was coming up, too. The one piece of advice she gave my girlfriend, she said,... She warned me this was coming up and I knew it was coming up too. The one piece of advice she gave my girlfriend, she said, I believe this is the quote, don't fuck the comedians.

That's right. That's right. And... What does your wife do? She manages comedians. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah.

You thought just... Just randomly. She worked in advertising. She's not counting. She managed me. She discovered me, quote, unquote. And we crossed lines you're not supposed to cross. And it somehow worked out after a minefield of events.

Does she still manage you? No. That was the secret sauce. And that is why I think you guys are fine, because you don't work together. I'm sure you guys give each other advice and things, but she's not your manager. No. Yes.

So she was mine and also engaged to another guy. And we were... Can we walk me through? Yeah. Okay, so how long have you been a comedian? About 20 years. You started in Chicago? Yes.

And then when did she discover you? This would be 2006, I think. About 20 years. You started in Chicago. Yes. And then when did she discover you? This would be 2006, I think. And then, like, we... In L.A.? Yeah. I'd had a manager before that was just kind of phoning it in, got me with a commercial agency, and then I never heard from her. And then I was like, we can't work together.

And where are you at in this level in your career? How are you doing? I still have a day job. I'm doing closed captioning for the hearing impaired. Uh, and, uh, yeah,

like me and Kyle Kinane, that was our last, you guys were captioning videos before all of us. We're the forefathers. Yeah. Uh, but she, you know,

help like would watch my act to go, don't, you know, leave that joke, put this joke before that joke. Like really, she's just a fan. Just like came after shows. No, no, no. When we started working together, we started my act and go, don't, you know, leave that joke, put this joke before that joke. Like, really... She's just a fan. Just, like, came after shows?

No, no, no. When we started working together... When we started working together. Oh, sure. And the set she put together got me into JFL, into Montreal, into New Faces. Oh. And then probably, that was 2007,

three years later, that's when we, we just one night hooked up, and it was like, and I remember flying to, we tell, please, I gotta, I gotta. So, so when you first were working together, was there, was there chemistry? Did you feel it? We were, we were drinking buddies. You know, it was that thing where you go out with your manager and talk business and ended

up like hitting four or five bars and you know, her, her dude wasn't, you know, the, the most fun guy, I don't think. And was he in the arts? No. He did something in the business, but I forget what, but basically they'd been together so long that it was just like,

I guess we'll get engaged. Like you and your wife. We were really short when we got engaged. We were together a year. Okay, okay. So it's not the same at all. A lot of yes-anding on this podcast. Yeah.

Like how you both got quiet. It's a fond but greasy memory. Yeah. Okay, so she's... You're artistically involved. Not every manager is necessarily like helping with sets. No, she was great.

She's still the best manager I've ever had. Was she ever a comedian? No, no. She started out working the door at a Boston comedy club. And she said early on, like, I want to be a part of this, but I don't want to do that. Boston, the one here. No, no, no, in Boston.

In Boston, okay. That's where she's from. What was the one here that used to, that became the, there was something called the Boston here, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. There was, in Boston. In Boston. Okay. That's where she's from. What was the one here that became the... There was something called the Boston here, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. There was. It became the Village Lantern and then the Comedy Shop.

It's on McDougal around the corner. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. But yeah, so she worked with me really well. And we just ended up... It was always like we'd have a bunch of drinks and like end up hooking up and would it happen it took three years at least it was like it was like like several times of this can never happen again never never never oh yeah you know to the point where there'd be nights where

her husband is texting me like have you seen carol what you know like and oh my god he had your number yeah he had to know like what was going on dude i was at her wedding she married him oh because we we stopped and it was just this thing like and look 100 looking back i should have done the i object situation or just did you do you have the thought when it happened that moment i am in such denial that that day was easily top 10 if not five drunkest times i've ever been drunk in my life and like i mean my friend found me in a house near the wedding in a closet inside a closet because there was a party going on and my friend pam was like bronco what the fuck and i was just like you drive me home and she drove me home. And I gave her, you know that drunk where you give someone terrible directions?

No, right. No, wait. Did we go by here? Left. And she's like, Jesus Christ. Were you sad? Yes, you were. Deeply.

But I didn't have any, you know, I was in such denial because I felt like this will kill all my dreams if this comes out. Of course. We cannot be open about this. Well, I'll tell you, a comedian told me at the Comedy Cellar in Vegas, and we were dating. Great place for advice. Yeah. He said, and he was fucking with me because some guys, they can tell that I can be fucked with anxiety-wise. And he said, if you break up with her, you better make sure she breaks up with you.

Or you'll never work again. And I was like, I don't. It was Eddie Ift. I don't give a shit. Eddie Ift. Yeah. Eddie Ift. Are you saying a name?

Eddie Ift. Yeah, a little. We're not tight, but I know him a little. Yeah, Eddie Ift. He saw me and he said, I can fuck with this guy for a couple of days. And he did. The thing is, I thought that too. But I feel like I have.

And look, I'm lucky because it worked out so well. And I'm happy. And it's like, I'm going to die with this lady. Forget it. She'll occasionally be like, do you think we're going to be OK? And I'm just like, you're not getting away from me. I'm not going to fucking chase you. If you want to leave, you leave.

I'm going fucking nowhere. I'm not going to fucking chase you. If you want to leave, you leave. I'm going fucking nowhere. I'm done. I've done it. You know, I broke up with her a couple times. And the last time she took me back, literally all her friends were like, don't fucking do it. And then that was the one that clicked because we didn't work together anymore.

And, you know, but it was just, it's one of those situations I tell people about and they go, what the shit? You know, like, because it's one of those situations i tell people about and they go what the shit you know like because it's so i've i've written five scripts about as a show yeah yeah and it's just like every time some new thing comes out that's just too fucking wild and it's just unrelatable and it's just it's just too off the wall but that's the thing that mentality of like only valuing your comedy only valuing how far this you know dumb business dumb business we're in, if we're honest. Yeah.

Can get you, you know, like you can't do that. No. And you wouldn't be with her if she was just this piece of shit, awful person that was like, it didn't work out between me and him. So I am going to fuck him at every turn. And like, you know how much energy that takes to have that level of animus against somebody that you're just... But I've seen it. As a child,

a divorce, I think I always expressed... Oh, okay. I had the anxiety of... I've seen people go to war with each other if one felt betrayed.

Right. Now, I think show business is too fractured these days to really believe that like you'll never work in this town oh you're gonna ban me on instagram and snapchat if if you know and you've built yourself up you've built your own house back in in in my day like when i was your age it was kind of like you had to get sawed by the right person and it was all about

you know channels you've it's it's kind of all about busting your ass you've definitely you know i admire you for that you've built like a lot of cool shit that online to get your stuff out there if someone wants to book you or hire you would cast you sure i don't think tova could step in and be like don't do it sure yeah unless she can makes up some horrendous lie which she wouldn't it was yeah yeah i don't know um No, no. Now, wait, though. Yeah. So she got married. She did.

How soon was the closest hookup time to that marriage, if I may ask? Yeah. Before? Yeah. Like how many? Before and after. Probably like, honestly, probably like a month each way. Oh, no.

Bad. Bad. Oh. Bad. Okay, so talk about the transition from she's married now. She's still your manager. You're still like doing this. What's that transition to then she's getting out of the marriage and et cetera?

It's just I just feel like hollow a lot, you know, where it's kind of like I'm just I what am I doing? Also, back in those days, it was like drinking almost every night. So just like certainly numbing myself and just being like, it's not that big of a deal, you know? But yeah. Yeah. I'm, I'm that guy. It is, it is, uh, early thirties being like, I'm still figuring things out.

So, you know, and so, you know, I was, yeah. So a month later, was it different when it happened? Was it like, well, we can't do this now? Oh, it's romantic. It's romantic. It's sad. Poor guy. He's going to be on the next episode.

He's got a wildly different version of this. Oh, man. Well, I will say the cool thing is she was on a plane with him maybe like a couple years ago. And they saw each other. And she divorced him after like six months and you know he understandably hated her living guts yeah and you know they he saw her and they started talking and he just said you know i gotta say he didn't say like like thank you but he was just like it all worked out he's like i love my kids more than anything yeah and he's with someone who he should be with sure i think he was in you know denial i don't

think he was met her yet no i never will yeah if there's a we're all gonna hang out and you're like oh no this guy should be my matchmaker it's kind of of, it's one of those things where I kind of believe in the whole butterfly effect thing, where I'll look back on these moments and cringe so fucking hard, you know, that my balls make a fist. But it's like, if I changed one thing, I wouldn't have my daughter. I wouldn't have this life. We wouldn't be living in this house I really like that we built together. You know, and I'm sure in his heart of hearts, he feels the same way. I would.

I'd be like, that fucking sucks to be cheated on. I've been cheated on. But it's like, thank God she left. I'd probably be trying to stick it out thinking this is what you do. I can't think of a bigger nightmare, though. I think all the time about the fact that i talk so much about my life yeah and it's like if if someone had had slept with my wife and they were a comedian yeah and they told their tale on so many podcasts yeah i don't know if i'd go like i'm never listening to any i was not as transparent as you are right now oh sure i i was a loud you know uh very silly

comic still am but it was like you wouldn't't, there would be not a trace of this truth that I would talk about on stage. Sure, sure. You know, and it's still too wild to say, I don't care, I'll tell anyone. But if I talk about the fact that, maybe I will someday, that I was at my wife's first wedding. You know, like that people go, huh? No one made a joke at your wedding with your wife? They said, oh. No, well, friends did to us. Sure. You know, like that people go, huh? Yeah. You know what made a joke at your wedding with your wife? They said, oh, no. Well, friends did to us.

Sure. You know, but like I remember saying to her, I was like, I was like, I like this so much better than your first wedding. I was there. And my, my, my aunt walked by and was like, like she had a look on her face like she ate something that sucked. Yeah. You know?

And it was like, oh, like you don't have the same dark sense of humor that my people do. You know what I mean? I can't wait to go to my friend's second wedding. I've never been to a friend's second wedding. Have I? I'm trying to think. I don't know. I'm sure I have.

Not yet. It's coming up. Yeah. Oh, I have, yeah. Oh, you have? Yeah, I think so. So talk to me about, because look, look first my girlfriend is his manager okay

and we have work we do work stuff together we're doing a live podcast thing and my girlfriend is really helping plan figure out what is that show creatively but talk to me about

I've seen so many live podcasts where it's just like, we'll just go and whatever happens, happens. That was the plan. When you're doing a tour, you have to like, we have to like, you know, it just doesn't. You got to zhuzh it up. For sure. So get those tickets,

guys. Get those tickets. DC, the 22nd. Philly, the Boston, the 23rd. Boston, the 23rd. Philly, the 22nd Philly, Boston the 23rd Philly the 24th and New York City, City Winery the 25th

so okay so she gets divorced you start dating we are we come out but we're still working together and it's fucking weird, it's not as bad as I together. Yeah. And it's fucking weird. It's not as bad as I thought it would be,

but it's odd as shit. And I had this kind of persecution complex where I was like, I'm getting less work. You know, people don't like this. You felt it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you think any of it was real? I do know.

I had this, I'd only been with these agents, these new agents for a while. And they were like high powered, you know, like big shit agents. And I did near the end when our relationship had kind of fucking soured. And I won't get into that at all or say who they were. But they mentioned it as a thing to my the manager i went with after her like that was like oh and we don't like oh no no that's right no excuse me they said to her and to her boss that they didn't approve that that was like a thing and it was like and this is when they're in this conversation of like why are you guys being kind

of shitty and i to this day uh well they didn't prove a what like the fact that i was dating her they don't then you know they think it's or what they just think it wasn't inappropriate oh deeply amoral motherfucking people and it's like i'm sorry to get salty here but it's like i don't hold i don't have a grudge in the world i don't hate anybody but there are two or three people i could mention I won't that I'm just like, fuck you forever. Forever for making her feel like that. Shit on me all you want. Sure.

You know? Sure. I won't get into it, but it was like, I wasn't being the best person, la la la. But they were awful. And for them, it's like, feel that way. Feel that way. Don't fucking say it. Say it to me.

Don't say it to her. The reason you said, like, is it a religious thing? It's because, like, well, because that's the history of the world. It's like, you're going to shame the woman. It feels very weird. The thing is, they were fucking emotional children because they were the kind of people who would try to get people to fire their managers so they could have complete and total control, which I think is a shitty thing for any agent to do anyway, or a manager to say,

don't be with that agent, all you need is a lawyer. But it was like one of those moves where clearly it was something where they're trying to put a wedge. It was like, to them, it's the whole and justifies the means. Yeah, we fucked people over and made them feel terrible for the rest of their lives,

but we got to hire la la la. It's that mentality. But that paranoia, that seized you for a second. It did. Something happened to me. I'm trying to think if I can say this as vague as possible. Are we boring the shit out of the listener right now? No.

They love industry gossip. Good, good, good. Okay, great. Sorry, not to cut you off, please. No, when we do, he starts going, our producer Chris goes, boo. Yeah, boo.

Nice. Good, that's a good one. Next segment, next segment. Oh, boo. That's a good one. Next segment. Oh, God. I'm going to try. You know what I'm about to talk about. I'm just talking about paranoia. Because this industry is filled with paranoia.

You can be very vague. There was something that I was booked for and then I wasn't, and it seemed like a clerical error. Oh, boy. But then it never came back around, and I was like, hmm.

And someone involved, I had this paranoia. For years. For years. Pre-COVID. I think any shit talk pre-COVID is done. Water under the bridge. Seven million people died. It's time to move on.

So like in a car with three other comics. Pre-COVID. Pre-COVID. We're all talking. We're all talking shit. We got a long ride home. Just talking mad shit. Nice.

And then I said something slightly, and I truly, I'm saying this honestly, like slightly like, well, their thing, I think it's kind of soft. Pretty, it wasn't much of a thing. Pretty soft. Listen, it could be much worse. And suddenly their act? Yeah. Got it.

Yeah. I can see some of the punchlines. Yeah, sure, sure, sure. The air changed. The air changed in the car, and it was weird. And the person, one of the people said, I think they're brilliant. And I was like, oh, that seems to be a different tenor of conversation than everything. No one

has talked about brilliance. It was all fun before. It was all fun. And it was like, and they were friends. And it was just awkward. And the two other people, they bailed out immediately. I thought they'd keep the fun times. I was like, guys, what are we talking about here? And then one of them even said, I don't see their punchlines coming at all.

And I said, are you out of your fucking mind? And then there was this longer moment after where I said, hey, are we cool? And they were like, yeah, no, we're cool. And I was like, are you marron? So you had that paranoia for years. I had that paranoia for years. And when this weird clerical thing happened, I thought, ah, is this, is this, is this that thing? Did someone tell that person?

And then flash forward like later, I said, ah, this thing never, never came around. And they said, yeah,

apparently that person said no to you doing the thing. And I was like, oh, and again, I don't have 100%. It could be other things.

Why do these fuckers tell this person? They might not. Well, well, listen, and I could be wrong. It could be other reasons. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It could be my online, Why do these fuckers tell this person? They might not. Well, listen, and I could be wrong. It could be other reasons.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It could be my online, something I said online. Yeah, sure, truthfully, yeah. It could be I said everyone who visited the Pope, just eat my ass. You're ardent support of Netanyahu. Yeah, it could be. My ardent support of Netanyahu.

If you've listened to this. Can I tell, real quick'll air out of the room. I was having a conversation with people, kind of just, well, there's this, about the whole Palestine situation. And I was like, look, guys, we're being wishy-washy. We all agree Netanyahu's awesome, right? And it was like, everybody laughed,

but one guy was like, stop. They still were going to be like, I think he's doing what he has to do. Hey, Hitler got them to listen. He got them to listen. I know. It's not nothing having stage presence, guys.

Listen, there was a moment in Cabaret last night where, and it was very interesting because one guy reveals himself to be a Nazi. Right. And he goes to all his friends like, oh, we're going to let politics get in the way of our friendship. And it's what's so interesting about it is because Cabaret is about like Jews being subjugated. There's, you could assume it's always about Jews, but it's like, in a way it's like, no, it's about the oppressed in this moment. I think of it as being larger than that. You could feel the tension in the room. Sure.

It's also funny because the last two of three musicals I've seen, and I'm a Jew, just a reminder for this, where the last two or three musicals have been about Jews suffering. Okay. And there's just this degree of like, it goes all the way back to jews

we were put into show business because that was what we were allowed to do right and part of it is like well now we got a lot of great musicals about our suffering yes and uh well and i will say just not to correct you built show business built show business weren't put into sure built built and then co-ran it with the ital. Sure. And now you wonder why we got a lot of great musicals about Jewish suffering. Well, it's like, well, it's because of this. Of course. Of course. I literally saw Parade. And Parade,

they both have, it's very interesting because they have one beautiful song that is presented like, look at this beautiful song. And then you later see, in this case, that song was like the Nazi anthem. Or Parade, it was like the Southern Confederacy anthem. And it's like, they both in both musicals, honestly, you could say it's

almost copied, because they present it first as a beautiful song, and then later you're like, oh, fuck, this is the white nationalist, Red Hills of Georgia. And it's the same as Cabaret is like, tomorrow belongs to me. And I was humming it on the way out.

I was like, I got to stop this. Wagner wrote all of those, right? Those are all... In his silly days. But the point I was saying is that paranoia, and again, so I don't know if it was this thing or something else, but like it was this horrible moment of

my paranoia was suddenly validated. And paranoia can make was suddenly validated. Yeah. Oh yeah. And paranoia can make you such a, it's a poison. I mean, it's a,

there's a poison to show business where it's like, but some of it's accurate. Some of it's like, it's true. Yeah. It's true. My, in my case,

I focused on it far too much. Sure. I, it's the thing like, you know, the whole forces are working against me. No fucking forces are working against me. I love this line from that.

There's a there's a there's a horror anthology called Cabinet Curiosities. And there's these two at one point, this this old sheriff and his old friend is this old corner and they sit down together. And the sheriff is like, I don't know what's going on with these murders. It just feels like this town's cursed or something. And his old friend goes, not to knock you, you're not that special. And I think about that all the time. Where it's kind of like, no one's working against me. No one has time.

No one has energy to take from themselves to ruin me. Sure. Because it's like, OK, yeah, you called someone's axe off. Boo fucking hoo. And those dicks who ran to that me. Sure. Because it's like, okay, yeah, you called someone's ass off, boo fucking who, and those, in a car, in a car in 2019. Those dicks who ran

to that person and said, hey, but also you're right in the way of like, Jim Gaffigan, you don't, no, wait,

you're also right in the way that you don't know, it could be truly something you said online, like you don't know exactly. They might hate my comedy, but it was like, in my case,

wait a minute, no, no, no But it was like, in my case. Wait a minute. No, no, no. Wait a minute. That's bullshit. Don't you dare. There's a great paranoia. Have we talked about this?

There's a great movie. It's a foreign film called Revenge or something like that. But anyways, the whole movie is this guy. He's getting in the mail like a videotape of him just like leaving and coming to his house and it's from the same angle whoa and it's just like he keeps getting this tape and it's like not in his house it's like far away and he like tries to figure out he goes to that spot every day he's like figuring out but he ends up because he's so paranoid about what's he ends up digging all this shit up in his life like from like what could it be it could be this and like ruining his life yeah and like but like because of from, like, what could it be? It could be this. And, like, ruining his life.

Yeah. And, like, but, like, because of his own paranoia. Oh, wow. And you don't get an answer of, like, what the thing is. It's just, like, because someone keeps sending him tapes of him just, like, leaving and coming to his house, like a videotape. And it fucks with his head. It's a great idea.

Because it drives him nuts. It's a great idea. Anyways. Yeah. But I focused on mine too much, where I should have just been focusing on, I on I don't know, my acting lessons, writing, anything else You know So tell me, because you say like Oh, the solution was not working together

Yeah What kept happening? What was the struggle? I think because it was on my mind And I think, you know, it was probably because of me I think she probably could have Been okay with us dating and working together. People do it. Did you make rules?

Did you try to make rules? Adam Scott's wife is his manager. Oh, wow. You know, there's a couple random people that it works. For me, it just, it's too much. What did you learn? Like, did you ever try couples counseling? Did you ever go, hey, let's say it's date night.

Let's not talk about i i didn't really really commit until all of that was gone and we were back together and she was like like i i want to move in together and i was like i've never this is embarrassing i had never lived with a woman i dated before and i was just like fuck it let's try it my therapist was like worst thing happens you have to move out you know and I was like okay and I moved in and it was the best thing I burned that house down

I'm still miserable we moved in together and it just clicked everything clicked and it was great and it was that thing I would say like the best things in my life happened because I was like I don't know where this is going to go. I have no way. I'm just going to do it.

And that was true of going to comedy and moving to L.A. and moving in with Kara and then getting married to Kara and then having a kid. It was just this thing of like, this could go horrifically wrong, but fuck it. Let's go. could go horrifically wrong. But fuck it. You know, let's go. Was it easy enough that, you know, so you eventually got new representation.

Yes. Did your wife, or when you were dating, did she ever go, oh, you're going to do the last season of Mad TV? No, that was before we even dated. So I just mean in theory, like anything. Like, yeah. No, no, no. Did she ever So I just mean in theory. Like anything. Like, yeah. No, no, no. Did she ever go, don't tell?

Are you sure? It was all my, I will say probably not biggest things, but most of my biggest things were with her. Oh, yeah. So it was like, and then every manager I had after that, it was like they were fine. But it was like, it was one of those things where she kind of got me used to having a manager that I feel like probably you and tova collab like have ideas together they would

just be like well let's just keep doing what we're doing and i'm like no man yeah yeah i'm fucking lifting all this shit you move some furniture let's let's come up let's try something new let's pivot kind of thing and they didn't know because it's like it is that you have a manager now. No, no, no. Just agents and a lawyer. Yeah. Mm hmm. So does she is she your spiritual manager? A little. Yeah.

Yeah. Where it's just, you know, she will she it's really funny if I write a script. She's I I can't send it anywhere until she reads it. Sure. Because she'll give me notes and I hate it because they're always good. And I'm just like, fuck. And then I have to work another couple days on it. It's the goddamn worst.

I promise we'll move on. But you ever have a buddy that you said to her where you were like, you gotta sign this person? Oh, she signed a few of my buddies. Are you judicious? Are you judicious?

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. It was really rare that I, like now, if I'm on the road and someone opens for me, and I'm like, why is no one talking about this person? And I'll look them up, and they don't have much social media or something like that. I'm just like, I'll tell her, like, tell, you know, Molly or Biz or one of the people that work underneath her like to to read to check this person out yeah so i think they're gonna do something they got a really unique voice kind of thing but it's like yeah like there was a time where i was like yeah i think probably or or she would be like like you know like ian carmel is from portland too and he was kind of like my

my little brother and stuff when i'd go back and he would open for me to open for kyle and it was just this thing where you know know, she went. He was at my. We went to the coast, Oregon coast, for my birthday one year with a bunch of friends. And, like, he was there. And she was like, should I sign in? And I'm like, I think you should. Yeah. You know, like, but it's really rare.

I'm just like, I would never be like, my buddy's struggling. Sign him. Sure, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because that's the thing. It's like managers will not. They can't get you work if you're not doing something. You know, like no manager or agent can make you hot, can make like you like, you know,

does that make any sense? Do you think your friends are grateful enough that you suggested? Fuck off. You're like, I'm going to move on from here, but we could spend like 30 more minutes on this specific thing. You owe us. Yeah. I'm going to move on from here, but we could spend 30 more minutes on this. You owe us. I'm going to Portland Thursday. Cool.

I'm doing Helium. I've already been there. Go see John Marco in Portland. For what? Oh, you're taking a little trip? That's amazing. Yeah, it's a fun club. I've never been to Portland. I've only been for a day, so I'm going to try to do some stuff. Fuck it, and I'll send you both a list. I'm not going. Yeah.

Come on out. In the future. We'll do it outside. Let's add it on. Let's spread out. Let's thin out those ticket sales a little more for the live shows. Interior Chinatown is an all-new series based on the best-selling novel by Charles Yu about a struggling Asian actor who gets a bigger part than he expected when he witnesses a crime in Chinatown.

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So you pretty much grew up in Portland. I did. I left for college when I was 17, 18, and then would go back during the summers, but I moved to Chicago right after college. What's with it? People shit-talk in Portland. I just posted in Portland,

people go, woof, you're going to Portland. And I know there's the drugs, the drug thing. Homeless too. Homeless thing. Yeah. Well, it's a progressive city

where it's like, maybe let's not flame throw them off the streets kind of thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, there is that thing where it's homeless people. Just get rid of all the benches.

I gotta be honest, I've been to a lot of conservative places. There's homeless people everywhere. Yeah, 100%. where it's just get rid of all the benches. I've been to a lot of conservative places. There's homeless people everywhere. Yeah. Oh, 100 percent. It's like gotten worse after COVID. Yeah.

Every city across. You know, Portland didn't didn't make the massive crippling wealth disparity we're suffering right now because of billionaire greed. Like that's, you know, that's their fault. Different than New York, though. I mean, New York. I guess it's just such's just such a crazy thing. Like, listen, the same way us

in the train stories we're telling. There's a stress. You see, you go like, uh-oh, this is a problem. But the idea that some people go, the solution is,

how do we get rid of these people? How do we push them away from our site? It's like, listen, no one's happy about you go on the street or you go on the subway and people are sleeping across the benches. But you can't go from that to how do we make them disappear?

How do I not see this? That's fascist thinking. That's crazy thinking. And it's to the point when you're talking about the musicals, it's Nazi thinking. They want to feed them into an oven. They really do. Yes.

Because it's the out of sight, out of mind thing. Yeah. Where it's a disgusting situation, but that doesn't call for a disgusting solution. There are ways. And I think it comes at the cost of very rich people paying a little more in taxes. I really think it does. Of course. Yeah.

But the thing is, when people say like they shit on Portland, it's like, you know, it's like yeah, you might know Paris, you don't know Paris. So it's, you go to Portland and you know where to hang, where to go. You don't really hang downtown much. I walked around downtown for the first time in at least

six years with one of my best friends and I remember it was like, wow, it's a lot nicer than it was like during COVID, it's a lot nicer than it was during COVID, where you had a lot of people busting in windows, a lot of graffiti and stuff, a lot of frustration. And Portland, for all its progressiveness, also has a lot

of, I will say, young revolutionary nihilism, where it's just like, and I understand it. I was the same way, where it's like, fuck this. I want to kick in the door of every building that looks nice. We're kind of there now in our stage in life. I understand. Middle-aged nihilism.

But you gotta, is there functionality? Is me setting fire to a Starbucks gonna stop anything? Will it do anything? No. It'll get me arrested and it'll create an eyesore for someone to walk by. We're not saying fire to the Starbucks, but we're seeing enough fire where we're like, yeah, it probably deserves it.

Yeah. If I see one. Sure. I'm not starting one. I might wait to put it out. If I see it, I'm like, oh, it's okay. Yeah. If you pass, you wouldn't even go.

Yeah. You'd fan it a little bit. But it's like, you know, Portland is like an insanely fun town. It's insanely livable. It's like, the whole fucking farm-to-table thing, it's an hour and a half from the mountains,

hour and a half from the sea. I love farm-to-table. It's great. Like, you've got, it's this kind of, I don't know, crunchy granola Paris in a way.

It's like, I love it. I still love it. Crunchy granola is, because I was just in Denver, is that crunchy granola? It's not as crunchy as that. Okay.

Denver's a little more crunchy. Denver's where all the guys wear Patagonia vests. Sure, sure. And just in Denver. Is that crunchy granola? It's not as crunchy as that. Okay. Denver's a little more crunchy. Denver's where all the guys wear Patagonia vests. Sure. And I love Denver. I love it. I hear that description. It's a little bit more mountainy vibe. Well, obviously, because of the mountains.

I think I love Portland. I think you will. You probably love it. I think you'll dig it. For sure. My mom's boyfriend is there. Your mom's boyfriend lives in Portland? He has, yeah.

Oh, she's on the West in Portland? He has, yeah. Oh, she's on the West Coast. I think my mom went for... This was earlier on in the relationship. She was dating him and said, I think I'm going to move to Portland. I was like, can I meet the guy? But then I think she went to Portland for two days. It rained slightly. I was like, no.

She's going to call me and correct me, but I think it was like it rained a little. The rain will drive you nuts. Seattle, same way, right? Seattle's worse. I love Seattle, too, but I cannot bring my wife back for wintertime anymore because she just gets fucking angry and bummed

and this sucks. And I get it. I'm like, yeah, this is what I grew up with. It's bad. But it's the thing of like, oh, when people are like, what's so weird about Portland? I'm like, it's got more strip clubs per capita than any other city in the continent of the United States because of the really lax nudity laws. You can have a full

bar and just naked people in the bar. Really? Yeah. I grew up thinking every bar had a naked lady in it when I was a kid. That's what I'd say. There's naked ladies in there, Mom. Well, it really is different because when I was 18 kid. That's what I'd say. There's naked ladies in there, mom. Well, it really is different because when I was 18, my dad gave me $100 and went to a strip club in Baltimore, me and two friends. Sure.

And it was like they put down lap dances, full nudity. And I was an 18-year-old virgin. But probably no booze, right? I don't know. I wasn't drinking because I was 18. You didn't notice. Okay. But it was – and then later – and again. I wasn't drinking because I was 18. But it was... And then later... And again, I'm not

a huge strip club guy. I'm like this pig over here. And I'm not either. But then I went to one in New York and it was just topless. And I was like, where's the pussy? The thing I love about Portland Ones and back when we did Bridgetown,

you know, would have loved to have you guys on that. I ran a festival for 10 years in Portland. Oh, wow. And I would look at some tape and ask my more famous friends to slum it and be in it. But it was a lot of fun. It got called Summer Camp for Comedians because we'd take them to all these fun places and have all these events. And I remember the thing about the strip clubs, you go to the right ones,

there'll be as many women as men in the audience. And it's just a fucking raucous time. And it's not this thing where you're like, like staring with weird rapey eyes. Everyone's just like, hey, you have the lines of a cello tattooed on your back. You're just like, holy shit, she's amazing. Like my wife used to be like, we're going to Sassy's.

And it'd be like, I don't know. Like, fuck you, we're going. And we'd go, and they do not, if you show any signs of drunkenness, you're out. Really? On your ass. Even if you were like, that guy seems cool. Send him a beer.

Nope. You're out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a sign of drunkenness. They're extremely protective. Kindness. Kindness. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a sign of drunkenness. They're extremely protective. Kindness behind kindness. Like generosity.

We found out Cameron Esposito had never been to one, so we took her. It was like we were two blocks from Old Town where Magic Garden is, which one of the best ones ever, super low key. The kind of thing you'd like walk into a dive and be like, what the fuck? Like the hottest woman you've ever seen just naked, you know, like right as far away as that stove is. Okay and we we put her in there and shoved her on the rail and just gave

her a bunch of money and there was this dirty taylor swift i will call her dancing and she threw her legs right on cameron's shoulders and i've never buck naked and i've never seen someone just freeze like fuck like i don't know what to do. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like zero to vagina in five seconds. Yeah. And it was like the most fun thing where it was like male and female comedians are like, hooray. And it wasn't like, you know, like it was just a celebration.

Yeah. So I'm going to go with my mom, I think, you know, so it's like, and you can go with your mom. Like I would say when I was a kid you especially but do you do lap dances too? it's not like that okay you don't pay for lap dances

they don't really have them they just walk around and talk to you and then they go up and they dance yeah okay and it's like

it's more communal yeah yeah there's one called Acropolis that's way out in the suburbs that's like an actual Greek temple and the first time

I went to that one the women are just walking around while you're at the bar and it's like you guys having a good time and you're just like i don't fucking feel i feel weird looking at you i'm not into the talking only because i know as like a performer when you talk with people you're putting on like a fake face well i feel i don't want to do naked improv i feel weird if there's a woman if there's a woman just sitting here naked. I would feel bad for her. Yeah. You know, that we're just

a bunch of dudes sitting around. We should try it. If you could see in our brains right now, you'd have us arrested. It's a nightmare. In my brain, it'd be like blanket. Yeah, no, I don't like the talking either or the pressure to do anything. The pressure to like, yeah. You just want to go, there's an atmosphere, and there's

oh, there's naked people. Great. You know, like that kind of thing it's funny i grew up with the these two guys roger and andy who are like my gunkles they were like two gay paddington bears that live together still together and now they have a third uh and uh they're they're awesome but they we were they were having dinner at my parents house and i think i was in i was in high school and they were talking about this woman who was a stripper moved in next to them he lived in a nice part of town and she had her own house and a yard and a pool you know very highly paid yeah she's very demand in town and roger was just like and she's suntans nude you know and it's too bad no one's there to enjoy the view and i'm like let me come over please you know and they're like

no and like to me like that's kind of portland in a nutshell wait you have gay uncle throuples they were i call them my gunkles i'm not related to them oh they're just are they older though yes yeah it sounds like from portland like a couple in there i mean it sounds beautiful yeah it's pretty common in the gay community for like a couple that's been together a long time i just meant like a certain age though you're like it seems like a that's that's who like they're a little older that's who i see taking a third on more really typically yeah older like one young guy oh my mom when they did that my mom was like so protective she's like i think i don't know i think he's he's trying to like steal their money or their money or get written you a

will or something like it's like and you're like mom i promise he's going to try to steal their money or get written you a will or something. And you're like, Mom, I promise they're getting something out of this bargain, too. Yeah, believe you me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was always funny. I knew a couple older gay acting teachers where they'd take on just a young, young guy. It was just funny. I mean, whenever you see a huge, you go,

kiss me. It's funny, any sort of age difference when an old man takes on... I don't even know about Bill Belichick, but I'm like, he signed her homework when they first met. When they first met, she was still in school. Wait, and she got his autograph? By the way, I looked her up

on Instagram. That's the first time she follows you. No way. I looked her up on Instagram. That's the first time they met. She follows you. No way. She does. I looked her up on Instagram. Oh, God. Yesterday. Honey, if you're not.

Because I read the news article, and I was like, who is this woman? I looked her up. She follows you. That's so... Miss, if you're listening, run. You can do better. Oh, man. You can find another expressionless man who's achieved even more.

We could get Bill on the podcast. Can you imagine how terrible it would have been? What a waste for us to have Bill Belichick on the downside. How many downs is it? Yeah. That's your first question. In general. How many downs have you got?

What's your favorite musical, Bill? Which team had more downs? That's who won, right? He seems like such a bummer. Oh, yeah. Because you're like, I mean, there's a thing where you're dating an old man, but you're like, you're dating Bill Belichick. Sorry, again, if you're a fan and she's listening, I apologize to you. I mean, she's screaming, you don't know him at her car radio right now.

That's true. We don't know him, but he seems like a grump. But the thing is, this fucked up my wife from Boston. And I would watch the Pats games when they were killing it and cheer along with her. But it was that thing where he seemed like a normal dude.

He seemed like a neighborhood dad. So to me, this is almost like the neighborhood dad is like, have you met my girlfriend? Like, what the fuck? I also, though, two grades younger than me and I'm 15.

What is this shit? As someone with an older dad who likes... I'm like, I think it is totally fine if a younger woman, first, you hope that they're having fun. Yes. Let's hope that. But I also think it's totally fine for a young woman to say, I'd love to like be in a, married

with someone for 15, 20 years. He dies. He dies and I have a nice life. Right. 15, 20 years, he dies. He dies and I have a nice life. The hope is, and it's probably rarely, but that they get along and that it's a mutual thing.

But I think it's totally fine to be like, I want to be part of this person's phase of life. And then at 50, I start my second life. That's fine. It's not like I would see them on the street and go, fuck you guys. It's just, and I am certainly

judging, but at the same time if they're happy, cool. You know? Maybe they're the most happy couple. Maybe they are. You don't know. Maybe. Maybe he's a wonderful lover. He has like a Viagra shake every morning.

You know, and he listens and maybe he's a great listener. He loves to knit. He could be a really generous man. Could be that. You don't know. He loves to knit. He could be a really generous man. I don't know if I'll ever be able to write it, but there's something about Woody Allen and his wife where I go, well, look, they're still together, and my parents are divorced.

I mean. What do you want me to say? I'm not saying it's good. We've all had the thought. But clearly it's more functional than a lot of people's weddings. They got two kids. Seem pretty happy. Mm-hmm. Oh, man. it's more functional than a lot of people's weddings. They got two kids. Seem pretty happy.

Oh, man. We can have her on the pod, right? Suni? Yeah. Oh, please. We can't have Woody on. You know, people get mad, but you can't be mad if we have her on the pod. You'd have like armchair expert numbers on that episode.

What are we talking about? No one gets her. Just unrelated. It never comes up. Never comes up. We just get her take on comedy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would kind of love that.

I'd kind of love just the fog of frustration that would cover the globe. People would be listening to it on translators. You know what I mean? It'd be in every language. She finally talked to these two comedians. It's like when Rachel Maddow got the Trump's taxes. You remember that? Rachel, I just remember it so well because I was at the gym.

I was at Planet Fitness, and I wasn't close to my roommates, but I ran home to watch it with them because she was like, tonight we got Trump's taxes. And it was the instructional sheet that was just like, where to put your numbers. And I swear, something in me shifted. My fonding over the liberal talking heads

shifted. I was like, oh, you're full of shit. You just want to make money. You want a good rating so you get more money. Fuck off. RFK, baby. And his smooth, melodic tone. Speaking of musicals, I want to hear him sing.

That voice. Yeah. I remember the first time. Whenever I see him, he looks hot. You know what I mean? He looks like if you touched him, it would be your skin would burn. Ow, ow. I thought you saw that footage of him doing pull-ups.

And I'm like, I don't know. He looks like warm. He's got a good body.'m like, I don't know. He looks like warm. He's got a good body. I'd love to have that body. He looks like sunburned or something all the time. He's always like, he's been like roasted in an oven. He looks like he thinks sunscreen is like, that's for women. I would never.

Yeah. I'm going to get. Every interview, straight out of the sauna. He's just like. Yeah. Why wouldn't I eat steak? Stop, man. Like all the stuff men do wrong that makes them sick or die sauna. Yeah. He's just like... Yeah. Why wouldn't I eat steak? Stop, man. Like all the stuff men do wrong

that makes them sick or die early. His voice being like that, it makes sense. Yeah. But how excited were you about the vaccine? I didn't know that. That's pretty cool.

Which thing? The fact that it hurts everybody but Jews. Like, what did he say? Oh, yeah. Wasn't that... I was thrilled. Wasn't that...

Yeah. No, he said something. And the footage of him, like he's not aware he's being filmed, certainly. He's just having dinner with some people and he's like, well, you know, it was designed

to harm everyone, but Jews are immune. And I'm just saying that's it. And they're like, oh. And everyone's reacting like interesting. Not bigoted at all,'s... And they're like, oh. And everyone's reacting like, interesting. Not bigoted at all, what you're saying. It's, oh, wow. And by the way, that relates back to our earlier conversation about paranoia. Yeah. You get

older, things happen to you, and you suddenly go, well, was it that shot? Was it that shot I got? Maybe, no, maybe you were just 70, and that's when the thing happened. Yeah. And maybe it wasn't the shot. Maybe that would have happened. Maybe without the shot, you would have been dead at 60. It's the shot.

You know who feels great? Maury. My neighbor, Maury. We both had the vaccine. Let's go on to our next segment. This has got to stop. This has got to stop. This has got to stop.

Something needs to go away. Big, small, personal, societal. Do you have one? We'll come back to you. Yeah, yeah. Please. We'll have you close. What's your this has got to stop something needs to go away big small personal societal do you have one we'll come back to you yeah yeah please you guys we'll have you close what's your this has got this has got to stop um okay commercials bringing back classic tv characters for the commercial it i understand i understand the impulse i understand you're thinking big payday um i love playing that character it'll be nice to be on set with my friends again do this thing but at the end of the day we see the commercial there's an initial thing of like oh my god they're together and then immediately there's a sadness to it oh god why because then you're thinking you're like oh the last time i ever saw

this special thing it's tainted because now you're in a commercial selling some shit and it just always makes the audience feel a little sad i think and i don't know if it's worth it the trade-off of like a nice payday i mean granted i'm not being thrown in this situation of having a huge wonderful tv show and then and then getting a big payday 10 years later sure but i want to know the size of the payday because i imagine it's like it's not only you get to see all your buds that you never have time but you're like right hey you want to hang out this friday night we'll each get four million dollars and get the best dinner of our entire lives and you're like yeah you know what fuck russell and you'll no for sure no and i get it

i'm saying like i'm saying that is valid. That's a valid thing to do and to think, but I'm just saying it comes along with a sadness and a patheticism. Is that a word? Patheticness. I like patheticism, man. Whether it's WhatsApp or Pop-Tarts,

I don't want to see you come back as your character. Mad Men came back for the Unfrosted movie. They did. Did they really? You don't want to see you come back as your character. Mad Men came back for the unfrosted movie. They did. Yeah. Did they really? You don't remember that? It was Don Draper and John Slattery.

I thought you watched 50, you son of a bitch. You lying son of a bitch. I finished that. Were you in that movie? No, no, no. Okay, good, good, good. Good, good, good, good. Everyone was, though.

I don't remember that. Yeah, it was Don Draper and John Slattery as, I mean, what's his name? Yeah, John Slattery. Yeah, that's his name. But I said his name, and then I said Don Draper. Oh, what's... Oh, God, I won't remember now. Oh, my God.

Don Draper and... He was the funniest part of the show. Yeah. Oh, fuck. But so, it was them presenting their slogan for Pop-Tarts, and it was so fucking sad. And Breaking Bad did it. They've done it several times. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I'm like, don't do it. Especially on shows like, especially on a drama. We really don't want to see a drama that. If there was some story where it was like, oh, well, they got fucked out of residuals. This was, or even something that became a classic in the streaming era where you already get fucked out of residuals it's like get your money yeah I understand but shit

like that where it's like your checks keep coming ultimately I'm saying you can do it of course you can do it sure it just know that it's kind of lame it kind of fucks it up it's lame it sucks it kind of feels sad what happened to not what happened to not wanting to be a loser yeah yeah what happened to that

yeah and also to be like, I did this thing. I'm really proud of it. And it exists in this thing. And to break out and to years later, like, do it again. It just feels like you're tainting something special. That you got to be a part of. Yeah. And again, there's so much money.

I don't think we're not talking out of pocket. These aren't people who don't have money. No. Yeah. They don't need to do this. That's the main point. Some of them do, probably. I'm serious.

Like, some of the, you know, some of these TV people, like, might not, I mean, not need, but they're not homeless, but, like, you know, like, there's, like, a thing of, like, this is the biggest thing I've gotten in, like, five years, and I can, you know.

Yeah, yeah. But it sucks. It sucks how we've, there seems to be no shame around it anymore. We've become a get that bag culture. Yeah. Get that bag. And like.

And so much that it doesn't even register sometimes. The thing is, it's like the one, the thing that's been thrown around a lot is like, there's no such thing as selling out. Yeah. Where it was like, yeah, but whatever for that, whatever the hell that means, you know, none of us are the basis for Fugazi. But like at the same time, there is a level of integrity that you typically establish. Like even for commercials, all of us have checked the box, no cigarettes, you know, like not that they would ask me, you know,

there's not a lot of chinless dudes and cigarette ads, but like, it's, it's, it's a thing where it's just like, I wouldn't, they use it for an anti-smoking could be. I smoked. And before that I had I wouldn't because I don't believe. Maybe they use you for an anti-smoking act. Yeah, could be. I smoked, and before that, I had a jaw like you wouldn't believe. But yeah, it's,

you know, there is this thing, it's like, of a line of things you won't do, and it'd be nice if more of those people were like, I just, I don't want to. Yeah.

You know, like I remember, what's his name? The guys from Happy Days that are now. The Fonz? The Fonz. Harry Winkler. Harry Winkler.

Ron Howard. And Ron Howard dressed up as, you know, Richie and the Fonz for like to endorse, to do like a pro-Obama thing. And they made a bit as they're putting the shit on being like, I hate this. I never wanted to do this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And this is how much we believe in this guy. You know, kind of being like,

it's a nice joke. You're not being paid. This is not anything. Yeah, you have a take on it too. And the fact that they were like, we've been asked to do this so many times. You know, and Ron Howard being like, I'm 68 or whatever he is.

I don't want to dress up as a little boy again you know and then he dressed up as Opie too like he did the whole thing where that to me is kind of like in a nutshell of why it kind of sucks yeah because they're not dreaming to put those clothes back on

yeah I don't think anyways that's mine it's a good one it's a good one my my this got to stop that's a little I try not to lean to technology but there's there's this one thing with the Dunkin Donuts app where you go to you go to pay so you you click so what you click QR code right yeah and then what do you do yeah you have your phone your hand you click QR code what are you doing sure sure right yeah right so what they do now you could QR code a right? Yeah. And then what do you do? You have your phone in your hand, you click QR code, what do you do with your phone?

You show it right away, right? So what they do now, you click QR code, a pop-up comes up. So after you've turned the phone, the guy goes, oh, there's no QR code. And then you have to turn it back and you go,

you son of a bitch. You thought I was going to check out, I have to turn my phone, I'm in a bad mood, and suddenly, oh, let me get the sprinkle fucking goddamn bullshit that is not on the fucking. And I'm also holding the coffee in one hand or some shit. So I got to put it down, close it, turn it back.

And the fact that I can see them going like, hey, this will force them to look at it. It makes me so mad. Because I can see it. I can see that you realize this would force me to deal with it yeah and will it affect me going to duncan every day no yeah not at all so will there be any consequence for what you did nothing except for this right now yeah so fuck you duncan change it yeah you're not being slick be more slick be more slick yeah be more slick. Yeah. Be more slick. Yeah. But don't make it an obvious thing that's like, oh, you're making me do this. And it's so, so gross.

Yeah. Also, I believe, especially social media apps, because they talk about being addictive, I turn off the notifications thing. I don't want to know every time I get a like on Instagram, because there'd be millions every day. But also, every time I go to Instagram now, and they do this occasionally, it'll be like, hey, do you want to turn on notifications?

Hey, do you want to turn on notifications? You get to ask once. You are making so much goddamn motherfucking money. Your everyday parents have to sue you because they say, you know, does Instagram make kids depressed? Yes. I hate when they go to Congress and go, oh, does the app where you post a picture of your face and see how many of your friends like it or call you a loser, does it make you sad? Yes. I hate when they go to Congress and go, oh, does the app where you post a picture of your face and see how many of your friends like it or call you a loser, does it make you sad?

Yes. We don't need to sit down with Lindsey Graham questioning you to find this out. Can I tell you what Congress is? Literally, it's a fighter that's throwing the fight badly. Yeah. Say I'm a mob fixer. Yeah. I'm in this front row being like, motherfucker, take more shots.

Don't lay down so fast uh-huh they're going now mr zuckerberg if i wanted to shop and i would it sell something from under me like say this couch you know like just fucking who wrote that question for you yeah they're not forced to bring in their kids i think they should start running with their kids and be like here's who's going to be asking the questions. Oh, fuck yeah. Someone said like, how do we stop this Finsta? How do we stop the Finsta accounts?

And it was... Yeah. I saw something. It was because I saw Jim Jefferies was posting about it on Instagram where I guess in Australia he was endorsing it

about like blocking kids from having social media until they were 16. It's very funny because philosophically, in our anarchist, nihilist face, I'm like, let them do whatever they want anytime they want. Let them do heroin when they're babies. But on another level, you're like, probably would be

better. I wouldn't say 16, but I think if you can get through at least partially through adolescence without it, I think that's healthy. I remember not having a cell phone the freshman year of high school, and I truly believe, and I'm going to blame everything on this, that it set back my social life. Not having a phone for a year when everyone else had the phone, it was like, you have to give me the phone. How can I hang out with my friends? It wasn't breaking into song and dance at a moment's notice? Could have been part of it too.

Don't ban the phone, ban the tap shoes. What's your this has got to stop? I wanted to do something that I feel like New Yorkers would relate to as your guest. But it's nationwide. and uh but it's it's nationwide i don't think we can have the fake real estate in film and television that we've had in the past we cannot have two people live in a fucking four-bedroom townhouse and they're just scraping by i don't know how they uh you know i even in the in the spider-man 2 when dropus found this abandoned warehouse on the Hudson, I was like, get the fuck out.

That would be developed. What is that? You know, and he just turns it into his lab and shit. You know, it's just like, no, man. It's just real estate is the most insidious business, and they'll find every fucking inch. So write something in. If you're struggling, be like, well, I have a trust fund and I don't touch it,

but it just goes to this. It's like friends, but everyone reveals that they had a trust fund when they were kids. Every single one. Or it was, you know, they saved an old man's life at the park and he was like, you can have my apartment. Like, it's got to have some shit like that folded in that you go all right i see why i have that like you know i don't know if you guys have watched and just like that the the sex in the city just news just to hate watch uh chet's scenes the

stand-up comic it's chay chay honestly i i think i think they're great one of the best comedians of our i just don't i'm watching watching them like what they're not even telling any jokes i felt so bad for them because i was like it was so baffling of like that person has won a tony for singing yeah really they were the original uh in spam a lot they want a tony oh my god they have an incredible voice you can tell they have this incredible presence and so and so it's like why not make that a cabaret singer or a singer? Yeah. Like, why not make that character something that's not, like, requires the stand-up thing?

Like, I watch, was it Punchline, the Tom Hanks stand-up? Punchline, yeah. I watch it and go, yeah, that looks like the Comedy Store. That feels like that. We don't have fucking- You ever see he went up at the Comedy Store? He did a set. Oh, he did?

On YouTube, yeah. Tom Hanks. Oh. And he's a funny guy. I could see. He probably did well, right? Was he okay? I would have married him, but yeah. Okay, yeah. Tom Hanks. And he's a funny guy. I could see. He probably did well, right? Was he okay? I would have married him, but yeah.

Okay, sure. Nice. But, you know, it's this thing where it's like, okay, somebody wrote some shit for him. And it was like, I just think they noted the quote-unquote jokes to death. But to my point, I've always wanted to make a video. I couldn't find enough footage to do it, but I wanted to go on stage or have someone else

and do stand-up from movies to show how hard it would bomb in a real comedy club. That's a great idea. Yeah, I want to do it. Give everybody a different set. Yeah, but Chase was the best, and so I was like, well, I'll find a non-binary comedian and then put it together. But I want to do it because it's so...

It's a great idea. I would go to that show. That'd be fun. Sure. As long as you introduce it and have, like, here's a picture of what it was. But I want to do it because it's so... It's a great idea. I would go to that show. That'd be fun. Sure. As long as you introduce it and have like, here's a picture of what it was. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I wouldn't like watch that first, but just like have the person do it. I thought on YouTube I could show like the movie and then like show me bombing in real life. I love it. It's almost like a monologue competition.

Yeah, yeah. That's a great idea. That would be fun. But like that show, like my wife watch it and I watch it and go, okay, so this person has $20 million. That's how they live there. Oh, yeah. Just these apartments, my wife watched it, and I watch it and go, okay, so this person has $20 million. That's how they live there?

Oh, yeah. Just these apartments, you're just like, what the shit? How do you live in this? This woman comes to town, and she's like, well, I'm just an artist. I sell my necklaces or whatever the shit. And she's got this giant Upper West Side apartment or something. It's like, wait. You feel the creators have become the richest people in the world.

And they're not going to put any energy into pretending that it's like, they're like, just make it like how we like things. Yeah, it's like when someone- We don't even want to pretend to be in porn. When an 18-year-old influencer tweets or posts on Instagram like, I love New York. There's no place like it. And I would never go anywhere else.

And you realize they're like the daughter of an oil baron. Yeah, yeah. Like, it's always just like, of course you love it. If you're that rich. Yeah. It's a wonderland. But, like, it's true of, I watch almost any modern movie, and it's just like, oh, I just, I sell mittens at this place

called the Christmas Store, and I have a two-story craftsman. Like, the fuck? I look at it. I've got Zillow in my brain. I can look at it and be like, that's $3.5 million, that place. There's no crime in this area. I'm obsessed with the show, obviously. I talk about it all the time, Succession.

But I think because they're the wealthiest people in the world and they're in these settings, what I love about that show, thinking about it, is that even the settings are so rich people, blah, blah, blah, but it never looks fun and never feels fun. That's the brilliance of that show, too, is that it doesn't look like, because sometimes you watch shows and you're like, it feels so aspirational. You're like, oh, I want to be. And there it's so cold and cruel. And it doesn't seem like, oh, fun. Even when they go to the beach house, it's winter and it's so cold yeah and cruel and like it doesn't seem like oh fun even when they go to the beach house it's winter and it's miserable and it smells in the house you have

about 30 seconds of ah that'd be so nice and then and then you go but i like being loved yeah yeah i like that people even in the care for me in my life i love job of there's some organization that they they sneak in um zip drives into north korea like to give i i think the the concept being like to to be like life could be better and one of the things that's on those those drives are friends episodes oh and i think it would be so funny if a north korean like escaped and then moved to new y York and they got to their apartment and was like, that place in Pyongyang was three times the size of this piece of shit. They become like

a complete hard left activist. Yeah, yeah. Oh, that was great. Let's go to our final segment. You better count your blessing. You better count your blessing. You better count your blessing. Something we're thankful.

Something sweet. You got something, Russell? I do. I'm thankful for this week. So, you know, between auditioning and making this tape for this thing, it requires doing some characters and things like that, and some noises and stuff, that my neighbors across the hall are out of town. sometimes you're making tapes or doing auditions and you're like

very like oh man i'm about to yell or scream and and they know i'm an actor so it's not like that but you still don't it feels very you feel vulnerable having to like make some of those noises yeah and know that someone could be in the hall recording you for fun or just being like, what's he doing over there? And so just knowing that they're out of town this week, it feels like, oh, there's a weight off my shoulders. Do you think your neighbors think

that you have a Japanese accent? Or do they know you're just making a character sketch? I'm not doing that! Are they bringing back Breakfast at Tiffany's? Are they doing back Breakfast at Tiffany's? Are they doing a stage version? The line for the Mickey Rooney part is really short. We thought we'd get more people.

We said open call. It's so brutal. I'll do my blessing. I'll try to be honest with this one. My mom is great. She lets me talk about a lot of things from my childhood. Sometimes I don't always hit the mark and maybe phrase it in a way that's not, that's not kind. Oh. And we have a very good relationship. And luckily, I take for granted a lot of the comedic,

artistic freedom I have to talk about my own life. And I feel a privilege to it. I do think I feel a real like, hey, I lived through it. I get to talk about it. But it's obviously complicated. And I've been given a much wider breadth than I know a lot of people have. Partially because my father, part of the reason I'm talking about my father so openly, he will never listen to this podcast. He will never see me on social media.

It doesn't enter his world at all and it gives it gives me a freedom i think that that honestly is like a a secret weapon or just a kind of paint that not everyone can use talking about their own life because i have a father who's so disconnected yeah yeah i uh but but i you know my mom once in a while there's been a couple things here and there where where uh I might hurt her feelings. And I feel like we had like just a talk about one recently, but in a way where we could talk about it really real. And I was reminded that even though I was that child there, she also was that human being there dealing with it, too. And you have a thing and she doesn't. You like you have a podcast.

Of course, I have a podcast. I get to talk about all these things. And all it is to say is we were just able to have a very healthy, mature conversation about it. And I love my mom very much despite many things I say on stage. And many one-liner little turns.

But a very good supportive mom and one who understands comedy. And I know that's rare and lucky. So I love you, mom. And I will say, I have come across more than a few people who think a parent's job is to just keep giving always and just, I didn't ask to be here,

is an obvious line. But it's more kind of like, I can always move home with my parents. It's like, can you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Should you? Yeah. Have you asked them? Would you pay rent?

You know, like, it's just like, oh, get over it kind of thing. The fact that you're showing any level of gratefulness, I'm sure she would appreciate. Sure. So. Appreciate it, Mom. Yeah. Do you have a blessing? Yeah.

Honestly, just this week where I basically just said to my wife, I'd like to go to New York and just do some shows and some pods. I know I don't have anything to promote, but I think it'd be maybe a cool thing. And why not? And like, you know, I got on a certain amount of stuff, but a lot of the stuff that I was supposed to be on either fell through

or one or two things or like, oh, the producer wants to, you know, like needs to take that week off, like little things like this. And I did kind of do it last minute. And I remember landing in New York and going, is this a stupid waste of money to get a hotel and a plane ticket

and all that, you know? But then, you know, I was hanging out with some comics last night. I did a podcast above the cellar, and I went down to the cellar and hung out in there, which I've never been inside. Oh, yeah? Never once. And I was like, okay, cool.

This is awesome. And just to be here for a second to talk to people. And everybody I mentioned to was like, no, that's a great idea. Absolutely. And I think it's one of those things I wish more people, I'm grateful, A, for the freedom to be able to do that in my life and to do it without any real expectation.

Like I'm not promoting anything. I'm not like, it's like I wanted to be on your guys' podcast because I love it. Like I listen to it. I'm a fan. it's like, I wanted to be on your guys' podcast because I love it. Like, I listen to it. I'm a fan. It's very fun. It's hard to crack the code of making a very relatable, fun podcast. I was one of the people who did one of the earliest, earliest, earliest ones.

Oh, yeah? And the thing, it was called Matt's Radio. It was me and my friend Matt Dwyer. And it was like, we just did it on the actual, like, internet radio. And then our producers started recording it and just putting it out as a podcast. And then podcasts were born. And the thing I've learned that's the hard and fast rule is a good podcast keeps you company, like a friend that listens, even though you're listening to it.

And that's the magic of it. And I feel like a lot of podcasts kind of kick that idea around and go, yeah, well, whatever. I'm going to do whatever. I don't like performers who waste people's time. Sure. I listen to your podcast. It's funny from the jump.

I appreciate that. So it's like I'm psyched being on here. And, you know, like, who knows? There might be somebody who never heard of me. It's just like, I'm sure a few. And it's like, this is dope. So I'm kind of just grateful to kind of, you know, not to be like, at my age, young Phil is what I've learned. But I do feel like it's like I just, you know, you got to turn towards gratefulness.

It's not just that I have a kid. It's just that I've got this perspective now that, fuck, I wish I had it earlier. But if I did, again, butterfly effect, I'd probably ruin everything somehow. Yeah. That was my road was my road. So yeah, just literally for this week.

This is really cool. I appreciate it. And I thought it was cool that you did this Don't Tell set. I feel like Don't Tell's gotten to this place where some older comics have like are doing Don't Tell and it's like yeah, this is the, this is more than late night. 100%.

100,000%. These days. These days. And it's like just to feel like. In some ways, it's more than like a Netflix special. Yeah. Because Netflix specials get pumped out and some get forgotten that you didn't. Yes. Yeah. And it's just like you're staring at a grid.

There's so many. Where Don't Tell gets in front of like, I couldn't wait to do one. I was like, fuck, I want to do one of those. And Kara was like, you got to do one of these. These are great. And Sophie Buttle was the one who really put me onto it first and was just like, these are great. And I watched them, and I was like, Jesus, the quality's insane.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And thankfully, they're all, like, sweethearts and awesome and stuff. So, yeah, it's a no-brainer. Unlike some streaming platforms, they know the audience needs to be miked. Ooh. Shade. Where can people find you? Oh, you can go to MattBronger.com.

I also am on PunchUpLive slash Matt Bronger. I just put a new 20 minutes up on that. But you find all my stuff on MattBronger.com. I'm coming to New York on July 18th and then Philly excuse me, on July 18th and then Philly,

excuse me, Boston July 19th and then Philly July 20th. That'll be my little East Coast run. They're all city wineries. Nice. Fuck yeah. Uh-oh. What's wrong? Did you just find out about Justin Timberlake?

Oh no. Justin, JT. Where can people find you? At Russell J. Daniels on Instagram. And when does this come out again? July 9th. Okay, July 9th. You still have time to get tickets to The Downside Live. July 22nd in Washington, D.C.

July 23rd in Boston slash Medford. July 24th in Philly and July 25th City Winery in New York City. And comments can be great shows. I you know where you can't find me picking up my sweet green that came 15 minutes

early to my apartment. Oh, is that why you said no? I know. For those of you listening and not watching, he looked at his phone and went, oh no, and that's when I made the stupid JT joke, but I was wondering did you actually get bad news?

Then you smiled after you said no. Oh, sorry. We have a thing from here about this. I'm going to do... What are we doing? Oh my God. What is on your phone now? He just said he is a comedian. It's a waste of people's time. An industry email.

But we have to respond to. Industry is very generous. Yeah. A shopping platform. Jeff Bezos is emailing us. Jeff Bezos is emailing us. Come see the live pod. It's very exciting.

I also am going to be in Syracuse at the Funny Bone July 17th. Yeah. I think we're allowed to say this thing. I think so too. We're going to American High which makes sketches.

Yeah. And we're going to be in some sketches. We're going to be in some sketches for American High. And Russ will be the funny character

and I'm going to be the guy going, zoinks. And then you'll be at Funny Bone. Maybe I'll go to that show. You fucking better go to that show. Maybe fucking better go to that show.

Maybe I have dinner plans in Syracuse. What is American High? It's on many platforms, but TikTok, I think, is its most... They do sketches. There's some company they own, basically, a high school. And so they film movies. They're in TV shows, and they have a sketch show.

They just film sketches. I'm sure someone just, as I said, what's American High, said, ugh, grandpa or something. I get it. It's really cool. I'm sure someone just, as I said, What's American High? I said, oh, Grandpa or something. I get it. But that's awesome. Yeah, it's just like it's the future of sketch comedy. Or it's like, you know, we used to have Mad TV.

Yeah. Also, second follow-up, what's TikTok? Yes. And I will say, this Father Time, what was it? It was bourbon, whiskey. Is it going down smooth? It was good. This is the thing that I got too drunk in seventh grade.

I tried my dad's scotch, got sick. And so it always tastes like, I think I'm starting to mature into being able to drink it. Which is good, because I'm trying to get drunk without the calories. Nice. What do you usually drink, beer? No, I'm like a margarita boy. I love margaritas. But I need to get to the place where I can have this every day, every morning.

Every morning. Take it from a longtime drinker. Agave is where it's at. Tequila, mezcal, sotol. It's easier on your organs, your brain, your liver, all that stuff. Wait, say it one more time. Tequila, mezcal, and sotol. S-O-T-O-L. It's an agave

liquor. I love mezcal. Yeah, me too. So smoky. Wait, do you know Nicole Parker? Yeah. Okay, great. I did a show with her recently. She's amazing. She's a gem, dude. I just forgot because of the MTV. Yeah, she was in the cast. Oh, right. Oh, yeah.

She was the Wicked Witch. Yeah, I just did Titanic with cast. Oh, right. Oh, yeah. Yeah. She was the Wicked Witch. Yeah. I just did Titanic with her. Oh, wow. Twice. Yeah, she's so dope. She's amazing. Can you say, thanks for listening to Downside as...

Which one do you want? Oh, God. Wait, you didn't look at the impressions from Mad TV, did you? Because I don't do them. This is did you? Because I don't do them. This is like my nightmare. I don't do them. Which one? Which one?

Is that J.D. Power? I was one of two white males in the entire cast. What does J.D. Power sound like? Oh, I think... I was just like, I just have a Baron Nunchuck swipping it around. I had a fat suit on and a frigging pompadour. Fat suit.

Yeah, and I think a three-piece suit. And I was just like, I'm J.D. Power, God damn it. And I would just rock stuff off the table. This is The Downside. This is The Downside! You're listening to The Downside. The Downside. With Gianmarco Ceresi.