The Downside with Gianmarco Soresi - #219 Structured But Loveless with KC Shornima

Episode Date: July 16, 2024

Comedian KC Shornima joins to discuss a joke bombing so hard Deadline covered it, writing for Weekend Update, growing up at a boarding school in war-torn Nepal, where Nepal actually is, and Gianmarco almost dies after trying his first Zyn.  You can watch full video of this episode HERE! Join the Patreon free for 7 days for ad-free episodes, exclusive content, and MORE. Follow KC on Instagram & TikTok See KC in a city near you: https://linktr.ee/kcshornima Watch KC's Don't Tell Comedy set here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yhEezt4y0ew Follow The Downside with Gianmarco Soresi on Instagram Get tickets to our live podcast tour! July 23 | Washington DC: https://www.dccomedyloft.com/shows/266932 July 24 | Boston: https://thewilbur.com/deep-cuts/artist/downside-podcast/ July 25 | Philadelphia: https://link.dice.fm/DSG_UA24 July 26 | NYC: https://citywinery.com/new-york-city/events/downside-podcast-live-gywjza Follow Gianmarco Soresi on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, & YouTube Subscribe to Gianmarco Soresi's email & texting lists Check out Gianmarco Soresi's bi-monthly show in NYC Get tickets to see Gianmarco Soresi in a city near you Watch Gianmarco Soresi's special "Shelf Life" on Amazon Follow Russell Daniels on Twitter & Instagram E-mail the show at [e-mail] Produced by Paige Asachika & Gianmarco Soresi Video edited by Dave Columbo Technical production by Chris Mueller Special Thanks Tovah Silbermann Original music by Douglas Goodhart Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Visit BetMGM.com for terms and conditions. Must be 19 years of age or older ontario only please gamble responsibly gambling problem for free assistance call the connex ontario helpline at 1-866-531-2600 that mgm operates pursuant to an operating agreement with i gaming ontario welcome to the downside russell i want you to show every drink that you just put on the table next to you. Um, I have this drink, which I've really come around to.

At first I didn't like it. Bashy? Perk the fuck up. That's what it says? Yeah. There's a lot of B12 in it. That's never getting sold at Walmart. Yeah. Um, and I have two little waters. You know, there's big ones in there. I think we're out.

I would have grabbed a big one. So I have two little ones. And then I have my cold brew. And you're not going to show that full thing of scotch you got there, too? Jim Gaffigan scotch. Sold out online, so no need to plug it. Welcome to the downside. My name is DeMarcus Arazi.

I'm here with my co-host, Russell Daniels. Hi, how are you? I'm literally not going to answer at all. I'm fine with my co-host, Russell Daniels. Hi, how are you? And I'm not going to answer at all. I'm fine. Good. But bad for this, because that's the theme of the show. Right, right, right. Don't give me that look of confusion.

We're here with Casey Shrenima. How are you doing, Casey? Hey, how are you guys? We'll get to you in a sec. A lot of things to talk about. I just got back from Portland. By the way, this is coming out July 16th. Were they having a heat wave too?

No, it was beautiful. Oh, nice. I realized when someone describes a place as crunchy granola, that means it's for me. It's for me. Really? I can tell the way people say crunchy granola. I can tell if we're going to get along.

If someone says to me, oh, it's really crunchy granola, I'm like, ooh, maybe we'll be friends. But if someone's like, it's real crunchy granola, I'm like, ooh, we've got a fascist over here. Real Nazi. Two things. I did a radio.

I've been doing a little bit more morning radio. It's not... Brag. Yeah, real fun. I've been having a hard time moving tickets, so I have to go wake up in the morning. Doing a lot of regional, local news. It feels like, I don't know,

because there used to be comments who used to complain about it pretty regularly, so I think it was more a staple. No one has ever, in all the morning radio I've done, come to a show and after the show said, oh, heard about you on morning radio this morning and I bought tickets. Not once, not ever. How many people have said that about the James Corden set?

One. And that's all the statistics I have in terms of what works promotionally. But they did this. They did a segment that felt very like what comics used to complain about back in the day where it was like in between commercials where it was like, all right,

we're over here. We're telling a joke that's so dirty we got to split it up into two. What did the labia say to the clit? We'll be right back after these messages.

And then they cut away and go back to their business just very, you know, and then three minutes later they go back, they come back and they go,

it's two guys what's good in the hood and the other one goes back to commercial and it was uh just to really see comedy commercialized like that was very sad yeah and also i don't think the punchline makes it dirtier no also but what is this local radio? That feels very risque for a local radio. Well, they split it up. The first part was just an anatomy conversation.

I mean, can you imagine driving to work and hearing labia? Like, that's so, I feel like there's like 10 accidents on the way home. People are crashed.

I can't believe they said this. I don't think, I think my mom would have laughed. I think a regular person would hear labia and go, spicy network.

And all the dads are just Googling what a labia is. Yeah. They're like, what is that? Yeah. It's like,

you know, there's like edgy in like real comedy and then there's edgy for Saturday Night Live. This is the downside. Wow. Seamless transition.

Where was the music? Wow. That's so embarrassing. You're listening to The Downside. The Downside. Got it. With Gianmarco Ceresi.

To be fair to our producer, Chris, I normally go a little bit longer, but it just felt so right. Yeah. It just felt so good. We need a signal. When you feel a great punchline is coming that's the signal when you hear me go when you hear me go yes it's

you see it in my eyes tova can see it she's always like you're about to do a bit uh yes uh casey shornima hello uh uh the reason i made that joke she she is a writer for Weekend Update on SNL and a formidable stand-up comedian. Ooh. Big word. Thank you. Yeah. The other thing I wanted to say,

oh my God, so I had a, so my mom sent me a text. I fucked up recently. I said a joke that my mom didn't like and she gives me a wide berth. So this,

so, you know, I got to respect it. And then she sent me a text. I guess she was looking up my shows. She gives you a wide berth. Just sounds like she has a huge pussy. Just walk right out. Listen,

we cannot talk any shit about my mom anymore. we can't. My mom's got, got a tight, tight pussy. You don't have to say the joke, but what was it? Kind of the like.

No, I said in the last podcast, remember my blessing? It was really like long and strained. I know, I know i know i know you did the blessing but you didn't say the exact reason thing that you said that hurt her feelings i you don't have to say it i'm just saying like a general area of like yeah is there a way to be vague not at all okay never mind the striking i'm Striking. I'm striking it. Tell me later. I will. No, my mom is the best. And that's why I was, I guess she looked me up for my Portland show.

She was in Portland. We got dinner. And I guess my Wikipedia entry, which I've never read. It's amazing. There was a time I would have been excited. Here's the thing about show business. Everything happens to you when you would no longer give a shit about it that's kind of how it works there's sometimes a brief pocket where like you're right in the pop like oh my god the exciting thing is happening while i have the space to enjoy it yeah

but generally by the time it comes to you you're like work more work uh So where is DeMarco Cerezi from, this section? Cerezi was born in 1989 in Potomac, Maryland. Not going to correct him on the year. Yeah. To an Italian father and a Jewish mother. His parents divorced when he was days old. His father was lax in his parenting, allowing his young son free reign, while he says his mother offered a more structured but loveless home.

He attended Georgetown Day School. And i apologize for updating without asking you but uh um uh no but it's it it who yeah who how do you how do you get access to do it i i don't know like but i can't you have to become an editor there's some small approval i can't I can't just go there willy-nilly without logging in. Right, right, right. You look like you've put in Wikipedia entries. I've tried to before

and they used to just let you do it. You didn't have to log in. Then I think it became a problem and now I think you have to log in. I mean, it's amazing

it hasn't been a bigger problem given the internet. Yeah. I always love like, I mean, I feel like during the Me Too era there was a real like the moment

something came out someone would be like I updated the Wikipedia to let everyone know just I tagged every person he masturbated in front of some of them had links some of them didn't are you on Wikipedia? no

are you on Wikipedia? that's the social media I hit people up on Wikipedia I'm like hey will you edit this? I don't think I've ever used the word loveless. I've certainly said that there was a strain. It was a strained household. Probably because of more of my stepfather and that relationship.

But loveless, that's very harsh. I think our Filipino maid gave me a lot of love growing up. Certainly is why I have such a taste for Filipino food. Yeah, a good tan, thank you. I remember my sister,

so we ate a lot of rice. That's why I think I just love rice. That was just our base meal. And I remember that my sister was a picky eater, and our nanny, who lived with us for meal. And I remember that my sister was a picky eater. And our nanny, who lived with us for a portion of time, whenever my sister didn't eat, she would just grab the rice and shove it in her mouth. Just in a way that didn't feel like of what everyone else was doing for parenting.

They did other fucked up things for parenting. But it was very funny. Wow. I just remember picking it up with her hands. And that's why I eat with my hands, too. Yeah. I think a lot, honestly, a lot of me is really influenced by the Philippines. Or just one nanny.

One abusive nanny. It's one of those things I'm like, you know how Filipinos always do this thing? Just that nanny. You know how Filipinos fill the hole that your mom left in your life? And a lot of Filipino kids are like, Oh, how are you doing? Are you good? I'm good.

I had some family in town this weekend. You took your nephew. I took my nephew to see Natalie, our friend Natalie in Wicked. Wicked. Do you know Wicked? Yes. You've seen Wicked? No, but I'm obsessed with that song, Defying Gravity.

You're obsessed with that song? I love that song. I listened to that song as pump-up music for stand-up. It's a great pump-up song. Yeah, I mean, I hadn't seen Wicked in, I think I saw the year it came out, so like 20 years ago. So I hadn't seen it in 20 years. And great time, great time.

You know, he loved it, my nephew. We got to go backstage after the show, which was, like, huge, you know, seeing all the set pieces. Did your nephew like theaters? This is his first Broadway show. Second, well, I took him to Gutenberg when I was in it.

And he, well, when I was in it. Sure. But, so, yeah. So both And he, uh, he, well, when I was in it, um, when, um, but, uh, so yeah, so both shows, he's gotten to go backstage and get a tour and stuff.

Um, do you think the first time he goes to a show without going backstage, he said, he did tell him, he did tell my mom that not to tell me, but that he liked wicked more. He's like, I probably would have liked Goodman more if Uncle Russell was in it but you know

you don't see I could see a world where Gutenberg ran 20 years and people said whose butt is the best so but no it was really

it was fun go see Wicked what are you doing the movie's coming out now do not see the movie before you see the show really do not see

movie musicals are notoriously hard to pull off and based on the trailer, they didn't do it this time. Okay, I didn't know what the plot was. I got goosebumps watching just the trailer. But I could tell that Ariana's acting

seemed a little hard. It seemed like it was a struggle. And you've worked with her. Well, I wouldn't say that. You didn't pitch a character for Weekend Update to her? You're like, no, I remember I read that book. What is it? I'm Glad My Mom's Dead.

Oh, yeah. Really good book about that kid's TV show, which I'm too old for. What is it called? Oh, yeah. Well, when I worked with that kid, when I first moved to New York, he was a big fan for, Cat. What is it called? Cat? Oh, yeah. When I worked with that kid when I first moved to New York, he was a big fan of that show. It's some show. Is it Cat and...

I don't know. But Ariana Grande is in it. She was one of them. I thought she was in Victorious. She was in both. There was a spin-off. Yeah, it was a spin-off and it was her and she details in the book... Sam. Sam. Sam and Cat. And there's clearly no

thank God she didn't express any animosity towards but there's clearly no like real friendship and I'm sure it was tough it was like being on a TV show where someone's blowing up

well you're kids yeah you're and they're not available for set and you have to but you go and you back and you go

and Ariana's I'm like oh is she like a child prodigy actor and she's like hi my name's Ariana but all those shows all those shows i mean because i was with my nephew and he like was hanging out so we put stuff on tv like

and you watch it and all those kids shows first of all the acting whatever but the kids are so mean like every interaction they have with each other and with adults is so angry like they're all so angry. The parent will be like, what are you doing, sweetheart? And I'm like, I'm doing this mom.

And they're just like so angry and everything. And then when kids act like kind of like snotty, you're like, Oh, because everything that I'm watching is like this horrible. They're all so mean and mad. Why are they mad? Because I think it's funny.

It's like, it's like everything is phrased like a punchline. There's no jokes written, but they're phrased like it's a zinger. You know what I mean? And Russell's a big fan of the guy who created that show. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Big Dan Schneider fan. Big Dan Schneider fan.

He'll be on the pod next week, Dan. Did you guys watch All Quiet on the set? I watched the first episode. I didn't watch it, but is it good? Yeah, I actually watch it as pump up before I go and do stand-up set. Oh, that's good. He has that one song at the beginning. No, we talked about it in one episode.

It was, you watched it. I watched it, but you know what? I can't tell you much about it. I mean, like kind of like, you know, I mean, it was... I wanted to be a child star. Right. You're like, I would have done anything to Dan Schneider to be a child star. I certainly would have shown my feet and, you know,

if there were mucus stunts that were clearly come, I'd be fine. I don't know. I do. I have been undeterred from my fantasy of like, oh, wouldn't have been cool to have been a child star. Really? Even now? You think it would have been cool to be a child star? I think it's so hard to pull off the long term thing.

Right. You know? It's so hard. I'd be a monster for sure. For every Kenan there's like, you know. Kel? I almost said it and then I didn't.

I felt too bad. I never watched that show. No, but you know, yeah, there's like, it's just a hard thing to like sustain.

Right, right. You know, for many reasons. that's why I'm waiting to peak. Yes. Yeah,

I'm going to wait 10 more years to see if anyone wants me then. Peak at the very end, right before you go. I've met Kel and he's very sweet. I bet. Yeah, at the very end. Right before you go. I've met Kel.

And he's very sweet. I bet. Yeah, he seems really sweet. He inspired a bit. Because he's very Christian. Oh, okay. But when I saw him, he had a necklace. And it had like a diamond gold Goku.

And so now I'm just doing... I'm doing a bit about like it's unfair. In my bit, some guy has both. And I'm like, it's unfair to compare them because Goku would win. Oh, you came back to life once? So we're going to have to bleep that out. We're going to go Kenan. And who knows?

And a really quick beep, like a three-letter beep. You can still hear the L at the end. He's making more money than all of us combined. Oh, he was on the show. He's making more money than all of us combined. He was on a show. He was on one of the shows that my nephew was watching. Really? He was on SNL last year. Yes. Did you tell your nephew about Dan Schneider?

Yeah, we went into it. I paused it and I said, just while you're watching this, let me give you the whole history of this network. That is tough. Do you separate the children's art from the artists? A of all, Dan Schneider did not create whatever show my nephew's watching right now on modern television. He certainly

inspired it. He certainly did. It feels like he really was the grand architect of all kids TV. Standard practices still apply on those shows. Watching a kids TV show now, it's like still going to Catholic church, but you weren't involved with the main priest. Have you had to navigate

shit talking? I mean, clearly not, based on like three references already. Well, I wouldn't consider those shit talking.

No. I think what I'm learning now is I am projecting that they would want to extend that career to the nth degree, but maybe they're done and maybe they like that, you know? Sure. Maybe they're like, I don't want to extend that career to the nth degree but maybe they're done and maybe they like

that you know sure maybe they're like i don't want to be in public so maybe maybe he's good yeah do you think uh the whole the whole situation with i feel like there was a time you're not that long ago where i would try to get some snl folks on the podcast and they were all like they all thought shane gillis's story was going to happen to them and i was like you don't have to say a slur if you don't want to like we don't make you we don't go like accent time go uh but then that went away i have this accent on i actually don't talk like this i was gonna say this is the show. And then the Ayo thing. Right.

Oh, yeah. With J-Lo. Yeah. And it sounds brutal for her. Just the worst, like, trying to have a good time. Just like a great week, cool week. And then like, oh, fuck, dude. Yeah.

And then J-Lo, of course, handled it the worst way. It said in an interview that Ayo came crying. Oh, I didn dude. Yeah. And then J-Lo, of course, handled it the worst way. It said in an interview that Ayo came crying to... Oh, I didn't know that. I believe J-Lo said Ayo came like tears in her eyes and said, I'm so sorry. And then someone retweeted that with like, goddamn, she's the greatest actor of all time, Ayo. Because she was just faking it. And then J-Lo's career hit a snag. Did it?

She canceled the tour. She canceled the tour? Oh, she canceled the whole? Oh, is it because of the breakup? I mean, I think that movie didn't do great. Oh, right. I forgot about this movie. I saw that movie on acid and I needed something stronger.

Yeah. It was brutal. And yeah, I just think a lot of... What was it called? It was like, this was a huge joke in my life for a minute. This is me. Yes, this is me now. Which reminds me of the show I once did on Lifetime called

I Love You But... I lied. And they kept mixing it up. Some of it said I loved you... But I lied. Oh. I think it's better. I love you but...

I lied. I lied. Yeah better I love you but I lied I lied yeah yeah I like that too so Casey yes we met at we met at JFL

yeah we met at JFL yeah two years ago yeah RIP JFL RIP never again I don't think so

no haven't heard any rumblings of anything no and now Netflix is a joke. If only I had crumbled. It's not going to be the new JFL. JFL, like Netflix is too, it's too big.

JFL had a, ooh, some new talent could emerge. Netflix is like, how can new talent? I mean, listen, I had a good time at the festival. Give me an hour, please. But like, how can new talent emerge when listen I had a good time at the festival give me an hour please but like how can new talent emerge when you have every famous comedian not just some

yeah an unlimited budget JFL at least like you couldn't get everybody yeah it was kind of it kind of felt grassroots at JFL

it felt like we were I don't know just at a hotel but you know why it became felt grassroots is because their budget was twiddling right right

like wow there's no one famous here this year cool oh they couldn't pay anyone um truly for our year to the second year and then it's over yeah but when i went to the one more i just remember being like there's still plenty of great comics there but it was like it was different there was no mulaney there was no yeah that's your well we did the thing there yeah Yeah. And I was like, yeah, there wasn't. When our podcast got in, I said, oh, something's wrong. Something's up. Russell and I have been a part of so many places.

Last leg. It is incredible. Yeah. Can I tell you right before JFL crumbled, I had my audition and it crumbled like two days later and I had like the flu and I forced myself to go from Manhattan to Brooklyn to do this god damn

audition that no one there saw because everyone there knew it was going to probably collapse at that moment and I just think and I almost cancelled and I was like no Russell you gotta get up you gotta do canceled, and I was like, no, Russell, you gotta get up. You gotta do it. And now I'm like, oh, for what? Like, just thinking of that night and that day

and how miserable. Well, if any other comedians are wondering why after that showcase they were deathly sick for about a week, now you know it was Russell Daniels. Michael Jordan had the famous flu game, but people sleep on Russell had the famous flu five minutes of sketch comedy characters.

He's a classic porn voice character. He's gotta do. He's just gotta do it. So, so, let's get the SNL talk out of the way.

Are you happy you're taking a break? Yeah, we're on break. I am on the road. What is your schedule? Like, is your schedule... It's different.

It's different. Is it fine? Are you going to work, like, fully well? You slept well? No, no, no. It's like, our schedule is different, but we submit at 12 every day, like, all our jokes from the day before.

So I only do update. And they give you a packet of headlines. Yes, they give us a packet in day before. So I only do update. So they give you a packet of headlines. Yes. They give us a packet in the morning. So Monday morning is pretty chill. Monday morning is like the chillest. Then Monday, when you get the packet at 12, then it starts and then you start writing. And then the next day by 12, you have to submit. Theoretically, if you're really good at your job, you can kind of finish it on Monday. I stress about it till 12 like till the next day when I submit you run in a by you you saying it to friends out loud yeah yeah I used to like call a friend and go through all these jokes to see if they sound like jokes because sometimes when

you're just writing alone because you write alone of course yeah so you're like is this a sentence or is this a joke I have no idea so you have to say it out loud and then I would say to a friend and then it would kind of like and would you no idea. So you have to say it out loud and then I would say it to a friend and then it would kind of like... And would you impersonate which person you wanted to say it? No, no. Because I think like a good joke should work as like a bad, like a badly told sentence, you know? Sure. It should have no, like without a performance, it should still be a good joke.

Do you have to indicate on the joke like, uh, uh, like if it's, if it's a racist joke, like this is for Colin. Yeah, like for instance, if you wrote a joke about being white, you would just write Colin because it doesn't make sense for a chat. Or like being married or something, you just want to give it to that person. So I will sometimes write their name, but mostly no. Mostly you're just kind of writing a joke. And how many are you submitting like for that first initial, how many jokes?

We try to do three pages every day, um, which comes out to about 20. Um, honestly, the longer it is the worst day I'm having as a writer. Cause then I'm rambling. I'm like seven pages in. And the reason I went to the seventh page is cause I didn't have anything in the first three, you know? So I'm like just going and going. And then I'm like, maybe they'll find something in this pile of trash, you know? Yeah. So it's very, is it weird? You have a very lonely job.

I mean, you just get this alone. Yeah, but we go to work every day. How many of like just weekend, like how many other writers are just focused on weekend update? It's four writers. Okay, cool. Including them? No.

Oh, okay. And then, okay, so you're're there you're doing it in person you get to talk do you ever get to go in and say hey what do you think of this or is it very much yeah so we do it we submit it and then at two i go into work on like the tuesday and then tuesday we stay late for the because it's writing night so if they have any feature ideas we just stay late to get the feature ideas um then on wednesday it's like reading so you're you're there till like 11 maybe like kind of late you're reading in a room they're they're doing the table read and you're just kind of like are they reading it

out loud in the table read yeah oh but not the update jokes not the update jokes update jokes stay till we read um with like with the guys on friday okay cool and then friday night where they're really really late for friday do they uh do they make it anonymous who wrote what or do they okay that's the best part is it's anonymous and and you've submitted the packet and um like our head writer will like comb through it and pick the ones that he wants to send along and then and then the guys will pick through theirs and then they will send a a like a big packet and then we go through that when one of your joke bombs do you ever act like you didn't write it you're like what was that who wrote that yeah every every joke i act like i don't know what is going on here sometimes if i wrote something

that's like i'll sometimes write like a joke that's like explicitly like racist, but it's like an Asian specific joke. And then I have to feel like I have to cop to this because I don't want them to be like one of the white guys wrote this, you know, because it feels really bad. I don't see Colin or Michael being like who wrote this one?

They'll like laugh and they'll be like, there's no way you can say that. And I'll be like, you can say it. You can say it. Tell them i said it yeah tell them i said it uh i always love that that i thought that's one of the best things seth seth myers did was when he had jokes he couldn't say and so he brought out like oh yeah uh amber and and other folks to be like yeah these are great jokes right yeah they have to be told in some way yeah yeah pitch it yeah and they have the the guys have the joke swap joke swap yeah so then they have jokes and they can't say it and then they say it yeah that's got to be fun to write that one's really fun to write that one's

like fun to write but you're also kind of like you're like i don't even want to tell you guys that i had this as a thought you know what i mean mean? Because you're like, it's fun to write, but you're not. I may go hard in the paint. Yeah. They really go in. It really is. Colin is the one, I think, where I'm like, God damn. Yeah,

it's brutal to say those things to, I'm sure, I mean, like, imagine just saying it for the first time, cold,

to a room full of people. What do you do in those days during the dress? Do you just skip that segment? No, we give them different jokes. Are they, they are they like are they like similar concept uh different jokes oh god and they they should release that footage yeah are there are there ever some like real bangers

in there that are are yeah but we save the real bangers for the you know because you know that like the segment's gonna work so those jokes are pretty like practice. Release it. Yeah. I like how they got into the habit of releasing stuff that doesn't air. Cut for time. Yeah. Cut for time.

That was really smart. Okay. Do you mind if I ask joke you're proudest you got on? The joke I really, it was my first year and I really loved it. It's so dumb. It's such a bad, it was my first year and I really loved it. It's so dumb. It's such a bad, it's such a bad joke. But I had gotten other jokes on at that point, but I was like, I really love this. It made me laugh.

It's like some, some guy, some guy had like stolen like a million dollars from a school system by like coming up with some chicken wings scheme. And the joke is just like but uh the guy said he was gonna give it all back and then and then colin does the chicken voice i don't remember that one i usually watch it twice i really like a dumb joke did he nail the back did he get it yeah no he he did they they nailed a thing in the read and that's the only way it works you know and that one i was like this is so stupid and the math on it doesn't make sense because he stole money he didn't steal chicken yeah but the scheme was involving chicken so i was like well the word is there so you can anyways we debated that for a while because our head writer was like the know but he's gonna go back on tv that's fun

um any joke that you're like either either it was uh asian related or something else that didn't get on that you're like that was a good joke yeah there was a there was a joke this year I can't even remember what oh it was like some, some Indian girl was able to do some kind of feet. I don't remember what it was, the setup. Uh, but the joke is basically like, Oh,

but that's because she has 20 hands or something. And, and we liked it. But then when we did it at rehearsal, I think everyone was like, what? They're not familiar enough with the culture. They need to know the whole thing. They whole thing like is the drinking water bad there yeah

um any weeks that you got nothing on yeah yeah i mean like my first week first week that i was fully there i got nothing on i was like oh god this is gonna be scared yeah but actually what before i joined when i talked to the writers they were like one of the writers was like i didn't get anything on the whole first year oh my god you'll be fine like you just want to throw up yeah because you must have worked your ass off that right of course i mean like you're like in like under so the first year was kind of like you're just kind of counting like in your head but now you're more like relaxed because you're like oh i i count it in my head as doing a good job if when we're reading it the first time

there's a good sampling of my jokes because that means they liked it enough through two processes yeah then when we have to cut it's like sort of like not even personal because a lot of the news is like we wrote this on mond. It's not relevant by Saturday. So when we're cutting, it's like, yeah, of course we're going to cut that. Also,

the other writers are so good that when you're cutting, it never feels like, Oh, you cut this. You're always like, Oh, I mean that joke so much better than this joke. Like that's,

it never feels unfair. You're always like, that totally makes sense. And then now you're just, I want the segment to be good. So whatever. What's your guys' method for finding like the best jokes on twitter to use you mean x that's that's the point of contention um i remember that conan o'brien case that was the one that went all the way to do you

remember that no what is that probably i mean it was a while ago where someone sued conan o'brien they said that there were some jokes that he that he stole from twitter and they they were all it's one of those things whenever you look at a stolen joke there's always or quote unquote stolen joke an accusation like some you're like especially as a comedian you know more than most you're like yeah the joke is uh the person uh is a woman they didn't have balls right yeah you're like yeah and once in a while there's like one or two details that seem really close someone did it recently i don't know if you saw uh they said um they wrote the joke uh the x is going down faster than nancy reagan in the mgm parking lot right and they used that in an episode of the boys and um this person said that they wanted

a co-writing credit on the episode for the use of this and people kind of ripped people ripped them and people a lot of writers felt like they they felt uh it was important to tear this person down because they were like threatening a real writer i don't know who wrote the episode maybe their beloved or whatever but it was interesting it obviously like it's gonna come up yeah i mean i've been accused back in the day i was accused of like three times i think of someone was like put two tweets next together but then what would happen is someone would find an older tweet you're like oh yeah someone else but it's truly like monkeys writing in a room. You know what I mean? Like if you give monkeys typewriters, they're going to come up with Shakespeare kind of idea. It's like we are three people or four people writing this all day long.

A lot of times with the premise, all four of us will have the same joke. And that's because when you give a premise, like you said, like you get the same result because it's math. Like you're sort of putting a math together. And so get the result and then people are like but i also had that result and it's like yeah so did three other people right next to me yeah and we try to whenever there's like all four of us wrote the same thing we try to not do it because that means it's too obvious as a joke so sure sure but that's why you guys imagine that that's why like like some of the random stories from this woman in florida you're like okay not everyone on twitter is going to be thinking

about and i'm sure some of those stories are five years old yeah is there is there a little bit of that like some like this happened 10 years ago technically but no he uh we do some of that but it will be like from earlier in the season when we tried that joke at dress rehearsal and we didn't make it to air but it was a good joke but we just didn't do it that episode we'll bring it back like two episodes later or something sure that's just from like three or four weeks ago i think i think this is not i believe in me i've i've talked enough shit on this but we can update this is is such a strong i just think it's a strong element and i think like like of all the because because i feel like,

I mean, I don't watch late show monologues very much anymore, but I love, I love tight jokes. I could watch, I could watch best of Norm Macdonald. I could watch a best of Johnny Carson even like I just admire the structure of it all. Yeah.

Yeah. And every, every late night is so topical now. Yeah. And so obvious. I think we can, I like, I think the, you you know the describing of the

person's face right like here's mitch mcconnell looking at xyz like it's very funny yeah you know there's a lot of like joke uh yeah because you know you have to get into the topic but you want to kind of do a little palette is that on the page too is there a picture of mitch and you got to come with yeah yeah submit with the picture yeah submit with the picture. Yeah, that's very funny. I feel like that's the one I'd honestly I'd be the worst at. I'd be like seen here watching a baby get pooped on by his son. The more random it is, the funnier it is though. Because you're just like, what is he doing watching a baby?

You know? And I also feel like Weekend Update it's still like pushing like things where I'm like whoa you got away with that yeah because they are kind of like

they have that like you know thing where they're kind of grandfathered in to a lot of stuff so they can get away with it well and because of the tight joke structure

you can get in and get out you don't have to dwell too long in like a certain thing if it's like oh we can go a little bit farther with this joke because then it's on to the next and it's like oh we can go a little bit farther with this joke because then it's on to the next and it's you know what i mean yeah and they've built their

personalities yeah so it feels like like one of them can say something that's in their voice yeah so you kind of forgive it because you're just like that's just who he is totally and it must be that must be a michael che element of like michael che is like a like pushing it right right you know and same with Norma I mean that's why Norm MacDonald's I think jokes hold up so much as he was a yeah like oh my god yeah you know and had such a voice like he had such a you can do a Norm joke even now you can tell a joke and be like that's a Norm joke totally even if it's your joke it's like a Norm voice joke you know do you feel when one of your jokes does really well do you do you go uh it still doesn't

compare to when i'm telling it like not not the joke but like the feeling of a joke working as a writer watching yeah yeah versus you've got to fucking tell it totally i think like like my stand-up's never topical so like none of that ever makes it into stand-up but but yeah writing your own joke and making that work on stage feels so good that you can have a great rest of the night just thinking about that like being like oh my god I made that joke work and then whenever the show happens I I sort of like I'm like watching and it feels good but I kind of black out through the show I will like be watching and then just kind but i kind of black out through the show i will like be watching and then just kind of hold your breath that it goes well and then when it's over

and people are like oh what jokes were yours i'm like i have blacked out like i don't remember what happened i'd have to go back and watch i would have cards with which jokes were mine and i'd hand them out where do you watch when it's happened i mean you're we watch on the floor you watch on the floor yeah okay uh you ever you ever have a joke that fucking it tanked and you have you go up and you go hey i'm sorry about that it was like one of the first jokes it was like one of the first jokes i'd gotten in it was like my whatever it was like the third joke or something i'd ever gotten in i was like a kanye west. It was like when he was losing his mind. Yeah. I don't even remember what the joke was. It was just sort of like a Kanye joke.

And that night I saw my agent at the after party and he was like, Oh, I just saw a deadline, had an article and they had mentioned how that joke brought a chill to the room. And my agent said this to me, not knowing that's my joke oh man bomb so hard deadline yeah wrote it that night someone watched this show and by the after party there was an article about it that is so funny and i was like cool that's that's awesome so you never you never

have an urge inside you when a joke does well to you you don't have a friend or someone you want to be like i uh i wrote that one yeah i do one time uh yeah yeah i i will like text a friend and be like oh yeah especially if i told them that joke before like when i used to read jokes to a friend i would like tell them and be like that one that one did really well especially when i used to call my friend and he would be like i don't know if i like that one and then it made it on and then it went well and I'd be like you should go watch it at about 5 minutes 30 seconds

it's so brutal there's a couple jokes that I've told Tova first she's like I don't know or when I really have to fight every time it does well in front of her to be like you think I should cut it now still? but then when it doesn't go well

and they're watching and they told you it wasn't going to go well, it's the worst. Because you're just like, I was just having a bad night. I could have sold it better. I'll do it again.

Just out of spite, you know. That's very cool. Yeah, it's a good job. It's a good way. It's, I think, the chillest, in a way, way job do you know why i feel like it has to do with yeah it feels like i mean uh it's interesting because it feels like again with the with the quick jokes like if it if it bail bombs or something you're like well

again it's done quickly right it's not like you know that horrible feeling of like oh we got to the reveal in a sketch yeah of what the joke is, and then that bombs, and then we all have the memory of feeling like, oh, fuck me. This is going to be rough the whole time. And it's so, like, stand-up.

Like, the joke structure is so much, like, stand-up, or at least, like, my stand-up already, that I think, like, it just makes you a sharper writer for yourself, and that's that feels good also you never have the feeling of I worked all week on one thing yeah and that one thing isn't on the show which means I didn't do anything for this show yeah you know that that

idea that I think plagues a lot of like the sketch writers which is like obviously they contributed to the show in other ways but like it would be devastating to be like i worked so hard on this and we're gonna cut it yeah i never have that because we're always gonna do weekend update yeah so we're always gonna have that do you help with that like the character stuff or is that we do like rewrite tables for it and stuff and then sometimes like we'll write one ourselves and then submit it when you're done with this do you want to be we can update do you do you do you want to have politics or commenting on uh america and our government as part of your thing or do you not really have an interest um i feel like in stand-up

i never talk about politics not 100 true you talked about the texas you talked about abortion that's politics that's politics but to me that's more like a personal thing you know what i mean like sure like an abortion to a woman is a personal thing and but i'm not like well the texas governor did this you know it's more like how does it affect my life rather than whatever the politics of it. Could it be possible to have an edgy pro-life joke? Yeah, I think so. An edgy pro-life joke. Honestly, Bill Burr had a pretty pro-life take.

Maybe it was his last special. What about the baking of the cake? Yeah, which is such a false equivalency, obviously. But like, yeah, I mean, that's a pretty pro-life take. Sure. But the silliness of it undermines the believing of it. And then also because he set it up by being like, I'm not pro-life. But the take itself is pro-life.

You could say that as a sentence in a Trump rally. Get an applause break. That's just a pro-life. That's what, you could say that as a sentence in a Trump rally, get an applause break. You know, that's just a pro-life idea. Wasn't, didn't he say, he's like, this kid's killing a baby.

I'm fine with it. Yeah, exactly. He's killing a baby. Yeah. That's why, Louis had, do it in Trump voice. That's just something he says.

A Sebastian Mariscalco, you know, you're killing a baby. I think Louis the beginning of 2017 his special he had a long he had a long

like what if you think it's killing a baby I get why you're upset it was one of these like they think it's you killing a baby

and if you think it's that then yeah get out in the streets which is actually his thing was maybe you're not doing enough yes his thing was you're not doing enough he was like his thing was you're not doing enough.

He's like, you're just holding up a sign. You think there's murder happening inside? Oh, yeah. You should do more. Good bit. Good bit. Great comic. No.

No. I talk shit on everyone except Louis. I'm like, oh, please. All right. Well, now in service to the other fans of the pod, let's go back to talking about Wicked, the musical. No, so you were born in Nepal. Yes.

Where's Nepal? You're asking me? Mm-hmm. It's a famous one. What country? Why are you doing this? What continent? What?

What continent? Stop. What continent? Come on, doing this? What continent? What? What continent? Stop. What continent? Come on, there's so many context clues. We just talked about the jokes and the hands. Oh, India. Which is not a continent. Not a continent.

Oh, no. Although kind of a subcontinent. Yeah, pull out the map. Yeah, pull out the map. I carry a map of Nepal with me. Did you want a water or a seltzer or anything? Oh, no, no. I'm just getting a zen.

I'm sorry. Oh, a zen? You're a zen? Wait, what is zen? I'm a zenite. Is that something the kids are saying? Careful, because you say that. We'll walk around being like, oh, you're a zenite.

What is zen? It's a zenite. That's like the cool Zionists. It's a, it's a Zinnite. That's like, it's like the cool Zionists. It's a shortened. I, you don't know anything today. You don't know where Nepal is. You don't know what a Zinn is.

What the fuck is Asia? What? No, I don't know where it is. No, you don't know what a Zinn is. No, you don't even know what the question is.

I don't, I don't know what Zinn is. What is Zinn? It's a pouch of cocaine and you put it on your gums. No, no, it's nicotine. Oh, okay. I do know what Zinn is. What is Zin? It's a pouch of cocaine. And you put it on your gums. No. No, it's nicotine. Oh, okay. I do know what Zin is.

Someone else had one once. Can I? You took one? No, I was too scared to do it. You were too scared to do this? Because it was late at night and I wanted to go to bed. Oh, yeah. Well, as someone who doesn't smoke cigarettes once, will it be okay?

For you to do one? Yeah. Yeah, it'll be okay. Can I do one? Do you want to do one? No, I don't want to do one? Yeah. Yeah, it'll be okay. Can I do one? Do you want to do one? No, I don't want to do one. It doesn't feel great, I think, in your throat. I've heard the first time people do it, I think they don't love it.

Do it now. Let's just see. Okay, so... But just put it in between your upper lip and your gum. Upper lip and my gum? Yeah. And what is this? The equivalent of a cigarette?

Maybe a little less than a cigarette. A the equivalent of a cigarette um maybe a little less than a cigarette a little less than a cigarette yeah okay and it's and you don't have to spit you can just swallow not not the zin itself don't swallow this in itself okay but the spit you can swallow your spit okay it does look kind of big like your lip looks bigger but i don't think mine changes at all no yours didn't change at all You have a new face You have like You have like a swollen cheek

What is happening? Well um Where are you putting it? You said upper lip right? No that's not really how you talk No that's not how he's talking No talk real I'm talking real

Is it the upper lip? Yeah yeah Okay You're not natural at it Yeah Yeah Oh we thought it was gonna You think someone's

For a cigarette They go Yeah I always thought It was so funny Like cause acting You know none of us Smoke cigarettes

Cause we're all like We're all healthy Everyone's healthy now And so we do an acting scene And someone would have to Play some cool 60s doc worker and take the cigarette like, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Got to go home and beat the wife. Why? Why is this so popular? Have to go home and beat the wife is so funny. I'm late. I have to go beat my wife.

Got to go and beat the wife. Yeah, it's classic Arthur Miller play. I'm going to miss the train to go beat my wife why is this popular right now? I think it's just I used to smoke cigarettes

so I quit and then I did I still do but I used to who's that comedian? it's Mitch Hedberg I know that you know I don't know Mitch as well I don I know that you know. Oh. I know that you know. I don't know Mitch as well. I don't know his stuff.

He's dead. He used to be, but he is dead too. No. Hey, look at that. I think of him every time I see a broken escalator. Yes, me too. I was just talking about that joke. What's the joke?

Escalators can't break. They can just become stairs. Oh, I like that. Which, by the way, I feel like in today's. They can just become stairs. Oh, I like that. Which, by the way, I feel like in today's world would not get a pop. No, no. It would get to get like a... It's too slight almost. Yeah. But it's a very funny thing.

I'm sure Mitch had a couple like... He's the kind of thing where like if you train the audience, you just applause, applause, applause. But when that audience is not trained, they're probably like, this guy fucking sucks. Yeah, yeah. I bet the road would have been hard

for him because you're kind of like in Minnesota or whatever, Mississippi. It'd probably be so hard you'd start leaning on drugs

in a disproportionate way. Oh, is that how he died? Oh. Wow. You were really out of the loop on stuff. Sorry, I'm out of the loop. He's just so real.

Like, you could see he wore sunglasses because he was nervous. I remember him. And he didn He's just so rare. Like, you could see he wore sunglasses because he was nervous. I remember him. And he didn't even make eye contact. At least I believe it's because he said it was like,

it made him calm. And he's just like, it's so rare to have someone who doesn't seem to love the stage but needs the stage. And it's just like, it gives you a rare glimpse into a...

Okay, so he tasted it. It's flavorful. Yeah, it's citrus. I just started seeing a nutritionist. How many calories? Zero. Okay.

Negative actually, because it curbs your appetite. Oh, whoa. So I don't think this is how negative works. Unless it makes me throw up. I don't think it's negative. It does give you a,

it gives you a throat thing. How long do I keep it in? Till the flavor kind of goes away. You'll feel it. You'll feel when it's time. It's like a gum You know But is it

Is it better than cigarettes? Well it helps me Now I can run Like I was like really bad At running for a while And I couldn't figure out What was happening

No offense to Zen I don't think this is gonna Teach me how to run It's not gonna teach you No but like If you smoked You were having a hard time running Because you were smoking

Yeah But I wouldn't put those together Yeah I got it And I'm going to DJ. No, but like, if you smoked, you were having a hard time running because you were smoking. Yeah, but I wouldn't put those together. Yeah, I got it. And I'm just explaining because. Because you sounded stupid for a second. Because you sounded stupid. Can you run with it in? Like, I chew gum when I run.

Yeah, but that'd be kind of nuts. Don't. So you're going to give me a little energy boost? Oh, but you know what I do that people find really weird? Uh-huh. I go on stage with one in. Really? Yeah.

Like, for the whole hour, I'll have a Zen one in. Really? Yeah. Like, for the whole hour I'll have a zen in my mouth. Oh my God. I know. people would know. I'd go up there and be like,

so much time to get the voice tonight. 70s old. You look like the elephant, man. I know what you're thinking. So my mom, my mom's Jewish,

my dad's an elephant. They're like, well, you know what that means. Divorced parents. I don't know if it's changed now, but I certainly was of the time of you knew you were seeing someone green if they said, I know what you're thinking.

Oh, yeah. But then like, so my mom's, my mom's, my dad's Adam Sandler. I look like my dad's Adam Sandler. My mom's Adam Sandler. And that was like an old version of the joke. That was a twist. Yeah.

Yeah. My mom's Jewish. My dad's a bowl of ragu. Yeah. Or like, I know I look like. That's like the first sentence out of their mouth. I know. I know you're watching it and they come up and they're like, I know what you're all thinking.

I know. And you're like, oh, come up and they're like I know what you're all thinking or I know and you're like oh come on I have a cheap version like I have JP McDade let me have it after a roast he said

in the roast he said it looked like before I tell a joke before I tell a joke it looks like I whispered to myself a 5, 6, 7, 8

and it was a great JP's such a good joke writer oh a great joke writer and he and Maddie both had two really good roast jokes, and then I had one, and I didn't know quite how to frame it on stage.

And I cheated. I essentially say, once I did a show hosted by a drag queen, she told me to take it down a notch. And then I have her tell the other two jokes to me. And it's cheating of a looks-like joke. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's a good way to go.

It's a good way. You have to cheat, though. Because everything becomes hack, but that doesn't mean they're not good. Totally. Yeah. But that's a good way to go. It's a good way. You have to cheat though. There's like, because everything becomes hack, but that doesn't mean they're not good. Totally. You just have to cheat. And look,

a good looks like joke. I mean, five, six, seven, eight is better because it's not, I look like Jeff Goldblum

if he was gay. Yeah. Yeah. Since we have a professional writer, because Russell never gets to do those. If you're Russell, you're writing for Russell, he blows up.

He decides to, against all my advice, go on a stand up towards the agent he's gonna blow up more than this I'm kidding oh my god

wow so it's so sad he's gonna make me cut that one and put this up no no no I love a good fat show

I can feel it. My head is buzzy. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you look... You're looking crazy. Yeah, you look... You're out of your mind, man. How many do you do a day?

Because I can really see incorporating this in my life. I had quit. I'd quit completely. And I was very proud of myself for quitting. And now I'm really stressed. And I was... I just... I had the audition for The Cellar last week. now i'm really stressed and i was i i just i had the audition for the seller last week and i got really stressed so i was like let's get back on this yes so yesterday

was my first day thank you that's very exciting so yesterday i think i took like 10 because i was like stressed all day and i was like i don't want to eat you go and you do your full five minutes in the first 30 seconds yeah yeah just yeah. Yeah. Just rush through it. Oh, God. It helps with anxiety sometimes, but it makes you sometimes more anxious. I'll become addicted to this in a second.

No, don't do it. Is it bad, though? Is it what's, I mean, is it, then is... There's like no research on it, so, you know. It can't be good for the gums

to just lay tobacco next to it, right? It's not tobacco. It's nicotine salts. Wait, is it not bad for you? I think it's not bad for you. Oh, no. I think it's just a vice for the sake of being a vice.

You're going to use this footage in a documentary someday. I think it's not bad for you at all. I'm like missing a whole jaw. 2024, they didn't know anything it's like those those things you look in the 50s about cigarettes

and people were just crazy it's fine you can smoke it with your baby your baby can smoke it it curbs your appetite you put it in the pacifier yeah

oh man when you when you quit and then got back on it did you have like you know how they have a scene where an alcoholic who quit, he's like talking to the bottle? Yeah. Are you like talking to the Zinn case?

Zinn's like, hey, you feel ready for that cellar audition? No, it was more like I already had a Zinn in my apartment and I do this thing. I still have cigarettes in my apartment where I'm like testing that I am mentally over it. Yeah. That's what you do in your life. You leave little challenges along the way? Yes. So like when I'm not drinking,

I'll still have alcohol in my apartment. So I can be like, I could, but I choose not to. Let me just add a trigger warning. If you struggle with substance abuse, don't try to challenge yourself. And then I cave immediately. I get that. I have a little bit of that

yeah it's like a sort of competition thing I think where you're like I'm above that you know but then I was like well today I should just

kind of do whatever it takes to get on this you know mindset so I was like I'll cave in immediately and now I'm like this is kind of nice

does this give you energy? because I can see myself rolling over in the morning a little sleepy. There's energy to it. It will fuck up your sleep a little bit. It will fuck up your sleep

a little bit. You already notoriously struggle with sleep. Struggle with sleep. My girlfriend has night terrors. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh no.

You're going to be fine tonight. Listen, it's early enough. You'll be fine. No, Russell, I'm not because I'm going to do 10 more of these today. Oh my God.

You're addicted already. Go on a run after this and you'll be tired. I knew I shouldn't have tried it. You'll be fine. I'm not because I'm going to do 10 more of these today. Oh my God. You're addicted already. Go on a run after this. You'll be tired. I knew I shouldn't have tried it. You like it that much? It's so good. Well, I'm definitely buzzier than I should be for a podcast taping. For sure.

And I do feel it in my throat now. Yeah, it gets to your throat. That means it's getting good. But if you try to take it out of my mouth, I'd kill you. All right, let me pour you some Jim Gaffigan scotch. Bring this down. This is like the lame, like back in the day, you know, comedians, they'd be doing coke, and you're like,

we'll give you a little bit of scotch, one zin, and I'm like, I'm losing it. Cigarettes. When was your first cigarette? I was like, oh, I used to just smoke when I was drinking. And then I was living in Egypt and everyone was smoking. Because that's where Nepal is. Yeah.

It's in Egypt. Where is Nepal? Please tell us. It's right above India and right below China. So it's like a really small country in between those. That's close. After I said 20 hands. You're like, oh, right.

Oh, right, right, right, right. Now, okay, I'm going to take a swing. Because we're both like, there's certain areas of life that we are astoundingly dumb. And stupid in similar ways. Because you guys were singing. Yeah. Too busy singing.

Yeah. Too busy singing The King and I. He was from Nepal, right? He was the king of Nepal. So I am. A truly like beautiful racist musical. Yeah.

I mean like I don't know the show very well. There's the song I can't I was about to sing I was like no you can't but he sings

I think the lyrics are, there are times I am not sure of. He sings in a broken English way. I'm so nervous. What is it? Isn't there a Julia Stone? Wait, Julia Stone? No.

Isn't there a movie, The King and I? I watched this movie. They made a movie of it, yeah. With the girl from 10 Things I Hate About You. Oh, really? They remade it? Right? I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I believe you. I sang it in like a Rodgers and Hammerstein. There's a lot of things in Rodgers and Hammerstein that they adjust or they keep.

My favorite is in Carousel and they cut it from the revival. And I don't think you should. I don't think you should, but Broadway these days, you gotta.

They changed it. So the guy dies And the father dies And his wife The ghost visits the daughter And hits the daughter at some point The ghost hits the daughter The ghost hits the daughter For what?

Why? Because she was talking back Because food wasn't that, dinner wasn't that good. And she goes to her mom and says, Mommy, can a man ever hit you

and feel like a kiss? And the mom goes, yes. Oh, that's a Lana Del Rey lyric. He hit me and it felt like a kiss. No, it is a Rodgers and Hammerstein lyric. Oh, she stole it. She stole it. She stole it. She and Hammerstein. Oh, she stole it.

She stole it. And I think they cut it. I think they changed it for the revival. Mommy. And she turned and she goes, no, vote him out. She's wearing a Hillary shirt. That was the joke I was going to make. My joke was going to be, Mommy, should you vote for Biden

no matter how much money he gives to Israel? Yes, sweetheart. Yes. And then Hillary comes out and everyone stands. To leave. They still hate her. So there's that. South Pacific is one of my favorites

because a classic musical theater song is younger than springtime. And that song is Younger Than Springtime. And that song is a soldier singing to the sex worker he's fallen in love with that his favorite thing about her

is just how young she is. And the song is Younger Than Springtime. Oh my God. Springtime is really young. Springtime is really young. Yeah, the leaves are like this big. Springtime is barely legal. It's is really young. Yeah, the leaves are like this big. Springtime is barely legal.

It's insane. The hairs are just there. I have an idea of instead of barely legal porn, you do barely illegal porn where she's 17 years and 8 months old. Barely illegal. It is Right there Porn I think is so It's so much like

What society was like 50 years ago It's not all the way It's not like no holds barred But it's definitely like Like you know how You know how when an adult describes someone And the first thing they say is Black guy

Right Whereas opposed to me it's like It is You gotta force that adjective out of me You gotta force they go what what color was he yeah i'm like i couldn't tell it was dark in the room yeah uh which is somehow worse than just saying he's black i couldn't see him what i was gonna say that i said don't say it let let the asian person say it um i'm here to here to cosign on stuff this is a delicate question

but certainly being Asian you can there's certain race commentary that you might feel more comfortable making but I'm sure there's a line that you have to figure out yeah yeah I think it goes back to you get a little more leeway might feel more comfortable making. Yeah. But I'm sure there's a line that you have to figure out. Yeah, yeah. I think it's also,

I think it goes back to just, you get a little more leeway, you know, but you can't just say hateful stuff. You know what I mean? What year in your comedy career did you stop saying the N-word for good? For good?

Maybe. Don't limit her. They'll play this in the documentary. You mean onstage or offstage? Okay. Enough comedy talk. Okay. You were born in Nepal.

Yes. I moved here when I was 12. I moved to Georgia. But so, so, so, in Nepal, you went, you went to a boarding school. Yes, I went to a boarding school.

Is that common or is that rich? Well, it's not. It's like it's common-ish in the sense that everyone I knew went to boarding school because that's where I knew them from. So it felt common. But it's not like rich rich more common than in america a young boarding school is rare it's more common than in america i think in some ways yeah definitely but i it was weird because my mom is a stay-at-home mom um but she sent us which boarding school. Which is even easier when your kid's at boarding school. You're like, I want to quit this whole stay-at-home mom thing.

Yeah, you're just stay-at-home then. So it was pretty common, I think. But then obviously there's a huge disparity in lifestyles in Nepal because there's also a population of kids who are just not going to school. So I wouldn't say it's like extremely common i don't know it's hard for me to tell because i was young and everyone i knew was doing the same thing so i'm like yeah of course that's common but i don't know what everyone else is doing you know i am going to take this in out because i think i have a headache from it oh my

god yeah you should take it out take it out because i think before it's really bad yeah where'd it go stuck in there. No. No, this is gross. What do I do with this? Throw it away. Just, yeah, just put it off to the side for a second. Oh, there.

Thank you. Oh, my God. Can you ever put it in a Diet Coke and have a little zen? That's a great idea. Like a little tea? I'm going to try that.

Oh, boy. All right, you got to take over. I'm dead. Okay. Wait, so what year did you move to Georgia 2007 and sorry

how old were you I was 12 or almost 13 got it yeah so in middle school and did you like going to boarding school

at a young age yeah yeah I really liked it it was weird though because I grew up in boarding school so a young age? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I really liked it. It was weird though, because I grew up in boarding school. So I like everyone I knew was always around me all the time. Summer break or what were breaks like there?

What did they do? You get a lot of breaks. You don't have as long for summer, but we have a lot of festivals and stuff. So you go, like you get a month off like three times a year. What kind of festivals? We'll just have like a religious holiday,

but it'll be in the, it'll be in October. So you get like all of October off. And then December you, we still do like Christmas stuff. festivals we'll just have like a religious holiday but it'll be in the it'll be in october so you get like all of october off and then december you we still do like christmas stuff so we get december off and was your family religious like believed it yeah my family was pretty religious but not like more like like we would go to we wouldn't go to temple all the time because it's not a thing we don't have to do it once a week you just go whenever you go um yeah there's not like a day like you know how like sunday you go to church there's not like a day in by the way russell what religion are we talking about right now um i don't know

all right hindu yeah okay i was gonna guess that but then it feels weird to guess wrong um okay but wait so in is there someone like for religious ceremonies if there's not like a set date is someone just there yeah there's like a priest usually usually the temple's just open for you you just go in okay and you you just sit um there's not really a seating area you just kind of visit the god you leave some food usually There's a lot of monkeys at the temple because you left a lot of food. Like wild monkeys? Yeah, so it's like city monkeys. Of course.

They're cool. They get the fruit from there, and then they try to steal stuff from you. But do they shoo the monkeys out? No, there's just too many of them. Wait, there's just... many of them it's wait there's just yeah is there any equivalent like have you seen those videos from thailand where there's just like yeah a street full of monkeys it's like that yeah um i'm jealous yeah would you would you pet a wild monkey we yeah yeah we had a little monkey um yeah i've i really like monkeys i like monkeys in theory but i feel like it's one of those things you're like they get really

aggressive when they get horny they get aggressive i know i think it's one of those things where it always looks like it'd be really cool it would be really cool i like have a dream of like of like if things didn't work out in life i don't know if this is a job you have this as a dream of like, of like if things didn't work out in life, I don't know if this is a job. You have this as a dream. I'm down and out. I would move to like a sanctuary that like has like orphaned chimps and gorillas. Yeah.

And like, and like, cause I think when they're like that young, it's like, okay, I can deal with like, you know, it's before they can kill you.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then they learn not to kill you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then I'm just like, kind of like they can kill you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then they learn not to kill you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I'm just like kind of like doing that,

you know, like mainly having a bottle with them and like getting to know, I just, I do, I'm obsessed with them. Yeah.

But I do think that they get really aggressive. They get aggressive. I don't know if you're obsessed with them. I've never heard of this. Listen, I'll show you my,

I'll show you my Instagram when you look at my thing. I promise I'm not going to stop the podcast. I'm going to eat some almonds right now. Oh my God. I feel so busted. this listen i'll show you my i'll show you my instagram when you look at my thing i'm gonna eat some almonds right now oh my god i feel so oh my god it's fine we've ruined you you wait are we stopping no no keep going oh my god okay we'll just talk about monkey i can't believe you've you are you still like it's gonna appetite. He's like, I need to eat something. I feel like the color is leaving your face. What is happening? So you're not going to be going into this lifestyle, this Zin lifestyle.

Yeah, I don't think you can. Wow. I don't think you can handle it, man. This is a three milligram too. This is all a PSA against Zin. This is going to be in the doc. Look how quickly it impacted this podcast. The Sephora Savings Event is here.

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Your head itches. I feel spacey. Get some water. You need water or something. Get some water. Can you spare one of the two water bottles? You do look like your color has been impacted. Okay, so but the monkeys they're they're wild uh yeah they just hang out there um and no one does anything because we like they're fun they're

taking food they're they're not really hurting anyone and like animals are a big part of the religion so you're just kind of like this is cool um they like they'll like try to mimic humans a lot so they do this thing where like if you were wearing a shawl which you wear to the temple they will steal the shawl and they will wear it the way you wear it it's kind of cute but you can't try to take it back from them because they run in like they have like a big tribe usually and they will have like competing tribes and stuff so they will all attack you if you try to take something back from them. Anyone ever die?

I don't know. They don't report that a lot. But there's not a lot of great reporting on this. There's got to have been attacks here and there. Yeah, there's definitely attacks, yeah. Wow. How do you feed a monkey? Is it like a horse?

What do you mean? You hand it to them. Yeah, but you're not supposed to feed them. No, like with a horse. Because I know because my dad had horses. Oh, yeah, you can't. You do it like this so they don't bite off your fingers. They don't bite your fingers off.

Same with cows, correct? Whoa. Wait, why? So if you go like this, they eat the whole hand? I'm saying like horses are like a little bit. It's not. I don't think they always do it, but I bit just like, oh. It's not, I don't think they always do it,

but I was taught, be careful. Okay. I'm fat. I would love to live in a world with monkeys. Yeah, that part was good. Boarding school was pretty fun.

I went to a Catholic one, so just a bunch of nuns. Were there a lot of Catholic schools there? Oh, no, not a lot of Catholic schools, no. If your parents were religious, why would they send you to? They're not like, Hinduism is very chill. You can be anything and they're just like,

Hinduism has this clause where you can have many gods, so whatever god you have, you're technically enveloped in. And they're okay with the Catholics being like, just so you know, this is the one true one. Well, the Catholics weren't allowed to say that. Oh. Yeah. So they would tell you about Jesus, but it was very like hidden.

Like it wasn't like we're going to read the Bible kind of place. It was like the Catholic school was started there because it's this Catholic school at St. Mary's. It used to be because the royal family didn't want to send their daughters abroad. So they built the school for them and then it was an all-girls school so that they could be like not exposed to boys and stuff and so it was the school that the royals built and then you has anyone made a picture of jesus and he has the eight hands and all eight of them are the nuns in Yeah In the full regalia

Full regalia Did they talk Did you have religion class? We had a class called moral values Which was our religion class Where she would like The nun would say stuff But she would

Always kick me out of that class Really? Why? So I have no values Because I would like talk and stuff You know Normal kid stuff. And then I used to have recurring nightmares about this nun where we're in a hotel and she could shapeshift well into my adulthood.

What did she turn into? You would think it's your friend. And when you approach her, she turns around and it's the nun. Why? Why do you think that was a nightmare you had? Because she was scary. She was also like my um rhythm teacher so she was like a drummer she was like she would like hit you with the drumstick

if you did it wrong a drumstick yeah because we were like playing drums and if you played it wrong she'd like if you were really bad did she ever go like i'm giving you the in a god of davida damn it son of a bitch neither of you what is that Enneagada De Vida I think it's actually In the Garden of Eden but it sounds like he's saying Enneagada De Vida it's like a 12 minute song

that has like a 5 minute drum solo oh and I just love the it would have been real it would have been 3 people who knew the reference I'm so sorry

it's like I mean she'd be hitting you for so long for 5 minutes wait like a drumstick. Yeah. Did she ever do a little twirl? Honestly, I was always like, so how did she become a nun?

Because you were so good at drums. So she must have had this like whole past life. Yeah. Where she was, you know. In America, they used a ruler as far as I was been told. Well, they weren't supposed to hit us at all. But I think that's like my mom used to do this thing where every time you'd be like they hit us she'd be like no way but now as an adult i'm like she definitely knew a lunch monitor one time accidentally broke a broom on my back what a lunch monitor yeah she

was like doing it as like a going around and being like, like, like making sure everyone was sitting properly and lunch and she was doing it. And she, she swung like, I don't know, so much harder and hit me and it broke the broom. And like, it was a plastic broom. Like,

was she doing it like up, up, up? Or was she going like, she was, she was like, she was kind of like, like,

like from close by doing kind of like a thing to most people. But like something happened, but she broke it on me. Did it hurt? No, I don't remember it hurting, but I remember being shocked that a broom was broken on my back. I'm shocked right now. I'm still, yeah. And there were no repercussions for that. Some adults are just so crazy.

It's like it's a child having lunch at school. Did you tell your parents? I mean, my mom was a teacher in the school when it happened. I was in elementary school. Maybe your mom went to her like, I need you to help Russell. Don't set up straight. It is. As a liberal TM, I am always just like anti all physical punishment.

And then you get older. And you're like, it kind of works. Does this work ever? Is this ever appropriate? A little, a little. A little bit of slap.

My parents never hit me though. I think they tried to like export that. Because Casey, they outsourced it. Yeah, they outsourced it. They outsourced the abuse.

And it worked. Because then I was still like, oh, my parents are so nice. They would never. they would never. And they would always be appalled. They'd just send me to a... They was still like, oh, my parents are so nice. They would never. Yeah, they would never. And they would always be appalled. They'd just send me to a...

They're always like, whoa, that's crazy. They did that? I guess, I don't know. There's something I just find so hard to square about, like, someone who is a nun who believes in Catholic teachings being like, well, we're going to kind of soften it. The idea of like softened religion as a nun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because they've chosen a pretty hard life.

Like they've chosen like a sort of hard line. I'm going to commit to this sort of thing. So I feel it's a little bit, I mean, being a nun is a little bit incel-y. It's a little bit of like... Yeah. Definitely. They're virgins.

I guess it's more like not in cell like voluntary cell but like I'm sure some of them became because they couldn't

get dick and they became nuns I think some of them probably I don't you know I don't wanna be but come on

some of them what you don't wanna offend the nuns is that the new line of the podcast we don't wanna offend the nuns? Is that the new line of the podcast? We don't want to offend the nuns? It's going to be a pretty boring podcast.

Your Vatican audience is appalled. I'm feeling better, but I want you to know. You were. I was. As a friend who knows you well, you were. That was bad. I'm not 100% over the hill, but there was a moment. You were going throw up that i was that i was gonna have to go in there and like maybe throw up and you know what's funny is i told you it was negative calories and you could have thrown up

oh man it was it was really fun for like four minutes it was like taking an edible where I was like, whoa, I took more Zin than I should have. What was in that Zin? So did you believe in the religion when you were younger? Or maybe you still are. I don't know. No, I don't think I ever was like, this is all. Well, like I believed in religion the way like a lot of kids do where it's like when something bad is about to happen, you're like, now there's a God. You know, like i have a test was the god you would pray to if it was like uh we have like different ones for so for studying i would pray to like the god of studying

we had like a god of studying what is what do they look like her she is uh on like a she's very they all look kind of the same bustyusty. Are they all busty? Are they? Yeah. Have you seen like Indian goddesses? No, I'm about to though. I'm like,

and you know, she can jerk you off with eight hands. I don't, I don't know what that is. I don't know what kind of dick you think. We need, we need seven more hands in this thing. Thank God.

Oh, thank God. I would see it more like you get a hand rub and a shoulder rub. That's more. I mean, honestly. You get a lot of stuff. That's why you need the three hands rub. Two hands rub. Two fists rub. you do a lot of stuff that's why you need the three hands to fist you so yeah I don't believe in religion

whenever I hear about I think we talked about Hinduism we had Hari Gandabolo on the podcast and it just seems like so much more like cool stories and yeah it's very myth-based like action figures no but you know it's pretty much the same people believe like archaeologists whatever believe that it's the same root religion as what the greeks had and the romans had um so we have a lot of like similar tropes in it. So like our, our king of the gods also wields thunder just like Zeus.

So it's, it's a lot of like similar characters basically. Sure. And then, you know, you have like the other stories that all civilizations have like flood. And then we have a lot of war stories and that's to like teach you about your duty.

So duty is like the biggest thing in the Hinduism. You just follow your duty. Are there is, like, the biggest thing in the Hinduism. You just follow your duty. Are there any, with this lax approach, are there any, like, you know, Catholicism has, like, you know, it's homophobic or it's anti-abortion. Like, how does Hinduism stack in terms of liberal values? So there's, like, this thing where it used to be, I think, on its own, more more open-minded so abortion has been just

kind of fine in india almost a problem because they were aborting girls a lot more so it's it's been fine um but i think with colonization you come in with christian ideas that then get diluted into hinduism and then it becomes like a little more strict which is like a problem i think in a lot of african countries too is a lot of those old ideas that were more open are being overshadowed by newer ideas that are actually a product of globalization um but like we used to have trans people were not only like okay but they give you blessings on like a big event like they're supposed to come and give you a blessing because it's believed that they have like multiple souls that live inside them. So you can,

you know, and now, yeah. And now there's like a shift in culture where people are becoming more hard line. But like I said, it's like a product of consuming a lot of media that's from outside and also from colonization and getting these ideas about modernization that actually

end up being the opposite of modernization that actually end up being the opposite of modernization is it is it just as misogynistic as as abrahamic religions because i mean abrahamic religions at least you know what i understand you know there's no there's no female gods right to be like hey i think like misogyny is built into the culture. But again, like because we have these goddesses, like it's weird. The way misogyny exists in it is very like cognitive, doesn't it? Like we have these goddesses, but also it's a misogynistic society. So I think that's just like a product of like practicing versus preaching. You know, like in preaching, you're talking about goddesses

who are really powerful and are, like, murderers, like, goddesses that are, like, bad and goddesses that are good, and it's all these things. But then in practice, there is a lot of misogyny. So you were at this boarding school. Were you... Because I know enough to know from another podcast I listened to that you were on that boarding school. Were you, cause I, I know enough to know, uh, from another podcast I listened to that you were on that you're smart.

Oh, you have, you have a full bride. So you, so you know this from a podcast, not from knowing me in person. No, nothing is indicated.

You tried to poison me. I know that. That was a smart move on my part. Guess who's the boss of this podcast now no you have you have a Fulbright which is obviously the

a dumb person way to be like whoa it's you know you went to Oxford you have a Fulbright were you always a good student

or were people were was everyone a good student I was like not a very good student compared to my friends like my friends are very good students um and i was like not a very good student or my sister she's a very good student i was like whatever you know um smoking cigarettes whatever drinking a lot uh and then and then i was in college and i was drinking a lot um but i had a lot of credits from like you know you come in with credits

so then i just left a year earlier and then i just took a year off to drink more yeah to drink more i went back to nepal for uh like half a year but i like finished college when i was 20 which gave me a lot of time to like do other shit um and figure out what i wanted to do and then and then i started doing comedy when i was doing teach for america um so your your your parents left nepal yeah while you were still at boarding school yeah why we had like a civil war um but to get asylum in america you kind of want to prove that you're going to come back to your country. Um, so the easiest way, cause the point of asylum is that you come back when the situation's

fixed. Um, and so a good way to prove that is to be like, I'm leaving my kids here. Oh, right. Because they did have plans to come back. Cause they had a, you know, I mean, they're like sending kids to boarding school and now we have to go to like public school in america yeah so was was the civil war to a degree where they should have been more scared or were you in a part of nepal that it's like the kids are going to be safe here well they put us in boarding school because i think they thought it was safer

than the house yeah yeah so when when they went to america were they checking in on you often were they yeah they would like call um but this was like before facetime and stuff so it was just like a phone call we would get like a phone call from like you had to get a calling card and then call and then did your mom's crying on the phone and you're like oh my god i gotta go play jesus um was she crying was she emotional i course. Yeah. Yeah. They're loving parents. They're not. Unlike you. I mean, look, if I were to write a Wikipedia based on your don't tell set, I'd say it was a fucked up household. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, you know, like emotional unavailability in parents is like a product of their parents probably.

And they are trying to do the best. like a product of their parents probably and they're trying to do the best but it was like a very doting mom like extremely and a very sort of like blase father which i think is a pretty common sure idea um and do you remember when that that's what was going on like did you grow up with anxiety about it were you yeah in hindsight i realized it was anxiety about it like i used to do this thing in boarding school where we were we would all be in a dorm and in my head i'd be like well like the communists could like in my head they were like boogeymen like it's like this idea of like something that's a threat even though katmandu itself was never like ambushed and we're a valley so it's easy to protect um and we're the capital so they protected the capital

um but i used to have this idea that they could come in any moment so i would like we i broke down this one bed that was already kind of broken and i took all the slats of wood that were in it and i gave it to like all the girls so they could have a piece of wood next to their bed in case the communists come, we can fight them. Oh, my God. And so now I realize like that's clearly a lot of anxiety about it. But at the time, I was like, this is a pretty good idea because they would obviously come with guns. So it's like crazy to have like a group of girls with bedposts.

And then why? Why did your parents not go back? I think they were like, well, we could just build a life here and it will probably give them more opportunities. And they were able to just,

was America where they would chill about it or like bringing the kids over? Because as you said, they got a lawyer and they hammered it out with a lawyer, I think.

And they went to Atlanta? Yeah. Why Atlanta? It feels very... Because they had a sister. My mom had a sister there. Yeah. She went to college in Georgia.

Was it hard to leave Nepal? How old were you when you went to Atlanta? Like 12. It's hard. Yeah. Yeah. It was like hard because my English wasn't like great. And kids in Georgia don't know any foreigners.

Like in suburban Georgia it's not like full of you know diversity or whatever um and I didn't know because I hadn't made a friend since first grade because all I knew all the kids I grew up with so it's like I don't know how to be in a new environment and so it was just kind of like it would be a lot of like things where looking back I'm like wow that's such a crazy thing to kind of like it would be a lot of like things where looking back i'm like wow that's such a crazy thing to say to someone it would be like someone would give me a compliment but it was just american compliments are just so like weird when you're not used to it it's just like a cultural shock like i remember one time someone was like someone said something it was a

very mean girls thing where it was like you know in, in mean girls where she's like, oh, so you're pretty. You know, you're pretty kind of thing. But it was it was more like, oh, so you're cute. And I was like, oh, does everyone is everyone in Nepal as cute as you? That's what someone said to me. And then I was like, no, because in my head I was like, what is this question? It didn't register me to me as a compliment. It registered to me as someone being like, does everyone look like this?

And I was like, no, I look like me and other people look like themselves. And whatever that is, it's just that. And this is this, you know? So it didn't. But as an adult, I'm like, oh, that's what they were saying. Yeah. But then also like getting bullied didn't but as an adult i'm like oh that's what they were saying yeah yeah but then also like getting bullied didn't register with me because i would get bullied about something they're like does everyone in nepal look like you yeah yeah you're like no they're different we went over this or like someone someone was like your accent is like weird or something

and i was like what is an accent because i was like, what is an accent? Because I was like, I have no idea what you're talking about. When I hear myself, I speak perfect English. So I don't hear this thing you're talking about. So it was like... I don't think if I knew you out of context, I would, any trace of speaking differently,

I could easily associate with just a different part of America. Yeah. Yeah, but I think it was worse when I was, when with just a different part of America. Yeah. Yeah. But I think it was worse when I was, when I just got here. Can you turn it off? I,

every time I try to do any accent, like I try to do Sebastian Maniscalco when we're hanging out. Cause everyone's doing an impression. And I'm like, people complain about all the time. They're like, Oh, Casey's here.

She's gonna, she's gonna do her Sebastian. I'm like, let me try my Sebastian Maniscalco. And we're outside, especially the other night. And I was, I was like, all right, my turn. And then I do it. And they were all like, let me try my Sebastian Maniscalco. And we're outside, especially the other night. And I was like, all right, my turn.

And then I do it. And they were all like, you sound Indian. It's just like an Indian Sebastian Maniscalco. I wish I knew enough to be like, that would be like Sebastian Maniscalco. I couldn't think of it. I'd be like Sebastian Maniscalco. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was going to do something more offensive.

Oh, what were you going to do? Sebastian. Why would you ask me that? Sebastian Manes Calguindaloo. Oh, that could be good. That's good. Could that work? Yeah, that could work.

Like Vindaloo. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What would yours be? I had the Calcutta one too. That's good. He won't do it here, but he't create any nice uh very well practiced no i actually don't do accents at all um so so you you stay in touch with your friends back in nepal were you mad that you left like

did you go like i don't want to leave well i was like pretty excited because i was like i want to see my parents um oh right yeah because i was still a kid I don't want to leave? Well, I was like pretty excited because I was like, I want to see my parents. Oh, right. Yeah. Because I was still a kid. I can't relate to that because I came from a structured but loveless home. Such a good sentence. Structured but loveless.

What a great way to put it. Yeah. Because, you know, when you're young and you're still like, my parents are great. Yeah. No. Yeah. I do. Yeah.

But yeah, no, I was excited. And then I would i would like i am them or whatever my friends back home um so then you where you go to college here yeah where university of georgia university of georgia and what was your major international affairs and arabic did you like comedy at the time i liked stand-up like to watch i never i never in a hundred like i was never like i want to do this you have a dark sense of humor or like i imagine a dark sense of humor usually means you you look around and things that go oh this is bullshit yeah i think like i was looking back at like my high school yearbook the other day because i found like three of them and it was all like people being like oh you're so funny and i remember being in high school and being like i'm so serious you know what i mean like it was like a i didn't i wouldn't have said that and then now i'm like oh

maybe i was funny but it it was like it's it doesn't register when you're not going for that track when you're like i'm trying to do something academic or whatever. So then you graduate and you become a teacher. Would you call it Teach for America? And what is that program? What's the premise? They like send you to a high need school that doesn't have enough teachers. Can it be in America too or just overseas?

It's in America. In America. Okay. So I went to Memphis to teach. That's where my girlfriend grew up. New Orleans and then moved to Memphis after Katrina. Oh, whoa. Okay.

Southern. All right. Yeah. Nice. Do you feel southern? I feel southern in many ways. Yeah, yeah. Because I grew up in Atlanta and then I lived in Memphis.

I lived in Nashville, Austin. Yeah. Yeah. Because I grew up in like Atlanta and then like I lived in Memphis. I lived in Nashville, Austin. Like I feel like feeling Southern is kind of like, I just think there's a different vibe in the North. And I like the Southern vibe. It's like friendly.

And I know everyone's like, it's like fake friendly, but I don't care. Just be fake friendly. Like who cares? Just let's get through the day together and we'll just get to the end of it. You know? Yeah. That's every day. So how are you as a teacher good bad i was i was pretty i was good on paper i don't know how i was like did you like it i didn't love it i because i i was a student taught and i i hate it yeah the way he describes it, the way he's described teaching, it's like none of the things.

I got nothing out of it. You never talk about the way you're talented as a performer. It doesn't seem like any of those skills came into play. And then they learned, because it was music, then they learned how to play the recorder. And I would be like, I don't care. Like, nothing, no achievement that a student had had any impact on me. I mean, I liked it.

I think if anything, I would make me sad. You'd be like, there'd be kids like going through real shit and you have to see it and you don't, you can't really do anything. You're not like, you know, so you just be like, oh, I learned this horrible thing about their, their, their life that they had to tell the principal. No, not even that. It's like, just like stuff that's like, oh, and their dad's in jail. Right, right. And you'd be like, oh, God. You're like, I couldn't imagine having years and years and years of stories like that

making you sad every day. You know what I mean? It's emotionally draining, for sure. You worked at Musical Theater for America. Did you ever do something where you taught someone's a student did something you felt proud yeah no i i i liked my job in that sense i liked my job was i when they did something good i was like oh i helped them do that that's like awesome i also became a teacher because i was like oh i don't want to be in the state department because i feel like it doesn't make

a difference that was the track for your major, just to go to the State Department? Yeah, I was studying Arabic. It's like a very high need language. I speak Hindi. They really need that. I speak Urdu. How many languages do you speak? Well, Hindi and Urdu are like the same.

I speak Nepali and English. And then I lived in Colombia for Fulbright, so I speak some Spanish. That's pretty good. My Arabic is gone though. But I was like, oh, I'm going to make a difference. But it's true. You feel super helpless because you can't, you can make a emotional difference maybe.

They can feel like someone supports them, but they have really heavy things going on and you feel like there's a curriculum. Like I have to get through this curriculum by the end of the year. And I don't even know if it's a good like if you had to ask me, I would be like, that's not a good curriculum. They're in seventh grade. They should know more than this. But you can't do anything about that, you know. So you're just kind of like you realize pretty quickly you're like I'm a cog in a machine. Yeah. And you're like trying to avoid being a cog in the machine there but now you're a cog in the machine here and then you're like what i should do

is something self-interested forget about this shit you know yeah being being let's just i'm sure working at snl doesn't feel like a cog in the machine at any point but it's you know self-interest sure no um you ever you ever get mad at a student you ever what was your version of like yeah i got so mad i mean i cried one time in class and you can't cry in front of them oh my god if i saw i don't think i've i think i told okay my one teacher cry story is uh it was the drama teacher of course yeah and Yeah. Dramatic. Oh, man. We did Lewis and Clark, the musical. Not a great show.

It was in fifth grade. And at the end of the final rehearsal, her name was, I think, Miss Bufithis. And then became Mrs. Oberlander. Oh, man. I loved Bufithis. It was a good name. And she said, all right, show's right shows tomorrow any questions and a girl named lacy raised her hand she said lacy and lacy said uh next year nick could we do something that's

like fun and she went okay you're dismissed and then she ran into the girl's locker room she ran to the girl's locker room and then Lacey I just remember Lacey who did not mean ill by it was like I didn't mean to and then Lacey cried and it was just one of those moments where all the guys were looking and we were like women be crazy man

it was just like it was an incredible moment to witness I mean that's a pretty that's a soft cry. What did you cry about? I was subbing for another teacher who wasn't there. So it wasn't my class.

So my class was cool with me. I liked them. This was another class. And I was like telling them to do something, whatever. And one of them is like, you are such a fucking bitch. They said that? Yes. What grade?

Seventh grade. Oh, my my god i was in a very tough school you know like it's like kids who have like actual gang related problems like they are tough kids but one of them and i was at i was already i've been subbing all day so i'm already at the end of my rope so you might have been being a fucking bitch yes Yes. I was already like, I was like, I'd separated this kid. I was like, you need to sit over here because you're being a problem, whatever. And he's like, you're being such a fucking bitch. And I was like, I have to go outside. I'll be right back.

And then I went outside and I cried and I had to tell another teacher to go in there. And when I was teaching, I looked, you know, like six years younger than I do right now. I looked like a middle schooler, like people who were substitutes who didn't know that I was a teacher would frequently be like, you need to sit down to me. Cause I just looked like a kid. So these kids obviously didn't respect me.

And I just cried outside. And then I had to come back in like puffy face and just try to get control of this class again. Yeah. And then I was like, what the fuck? It would be so hard when they would be like, cause I subbed and I student taught and subbing was so tough because you're going in and there's no like sort of like they can outwardly be like, you know, unless you're doing a longterm thing, but like, it would be so hard for me

not to like, like be me yeah like back yeah like i do remember one time this girl was like she was like in middle school and she was just like you know what i don't like you and i just was like i promise you the feelings mutual yeah i was like i was just like yeah i don't like you like we don't have to like each other there's no way we're gonna like you know like um, it was brutal because they just didn't. They're paying me to be in this room with you. Yeah. If the money stopped, I'd leave immediately.

Yeah. Oh, my God. I had a friend, my roommate at the time, a kid threw a desk at her. Oh, my God. These were like really like hard schools. Obviously, that's why they're lacking teachers. It's like a difficult situation to be in. I had a,

I had a friend who a kid was like, Hey, will you drive me home? Because there's a, there's like gang violence in his neighborhood. And he's like, I'm scared. Will you drive me home?

And my friend was like, my friend was like, I don't know how to tell this kid. I'm also scared of a gang. Sorry kid, you're on your own. What are you talking about? What do you mean drive me home? You're good.

As long as you walk me to the car. Yeah, literally. Oh, man. I remember one time I was writing a note to a kid because they were going somewhere. They'd go to a bathroom pass. And I went to rip the thing and i said shit because i ripped and the kid was like he was like a goody two-shoes and i remember thinking i remember being like please don't tell anyone because i was student teaching because i saw in his eyes he was like

like they can't believe this adult just swore in front of me and i was like please don't tell anyone i was like it was oh man teaching. Yeah. And then you go to Nepal. You teach there a little bit? No, we had this, like, big earthquake. And so. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So I went back after that.

And I saw a bunch of family and stuff. And then my aunt had a school. And I worked there. Yeah. Because it fell apart during the earthquake. And then. But you're doing all this. And you feel like, you're like, this is not my calling this is not what i was doing all of these things to be like maybe doing something

meaningful will make me feel like life is meaningful you know and then you're like i i think life's not meaningful i need to tell other people on a stage yeah i think i think i should just kind of do whatever i want to do now i When you started comedy, so you started in, you went back to Atlanta? No, I did like open mics in Memphis, but then I was in Columbia for Fulbright. And then when I came back, that's when I like really started doing it more regularly in Nashville. Is it Fulbright? Do you have a mission state or like you got it for something? Yeah, for teaching.

And so they give you money so you can teach more? You work at a university in their country. So the Fulbright's mission is, I don't know why, their mission is just making friends. You're just there. It was started as a program after like World War II, so we don't get into a war again as an idea. And the idea is that when you build

community between like you know each other personally you're more likely to be like we won't do it so it's just like the senator fulbright it's his name um and he created this as a thing i was thinking about it was like a random thought i had today where it was like i feel so much of liberal so much so much of our not the same generation but like the general like well if you believe this you're out of my life yeah i'm like the problem with that guys is when the civil war happens right they're gonna have no regrets killing you yeah because they're not friends with a single one of you yeah yeah yeah the parents you stop talking to smart are gonna go yeah you can you also kind of need to know um what they're

thinking yeah you you need to be like how far because then maybe you know like at least we can keep a pulse on this and just be like how far is this going when i was at wicked there was a couple with trump hats at wicked and i was like interesting like and And it was like, you were like, it's just funny because you're like, no one likes you in this building and this thing. And how do you, you watch that show and you're like,

you see the people making sure the animals can't talk more. That's you. Like you're like, you would be siding with the bad people in the show. Do you know what I mean? But no one,

no one, I saw Cabaret recently. And it was interesting because I had seen Cabaret and then another musical called Parade. And they're both stories of Jews dealing with anti-Semitism. And I'm like, I know so many people see that. And instead of taking a metaphor from it and going, wow, people can be unfairly, you know, kind of what's oppressed. Right. Or what they take away from it, and I'm talking obviously about Zionists, is they go, Jews are oppressed.

about Zionists is they go, Jews are oppressed. Right. And I don't think people walk into shows generally and go, oh, wow, groups can be oppressed, and you think you're on the right side of things. Right, right. And it's the same with that. They're the goat. They're not looking at that goat and being like, oh, we should.

I don't want to say that. I don't want to compare the. No, no, no. But like someone. To be clear. To be clear. To be clear. We're talking very specifically about Wicked. Yeah.

But no, it's just funny because I saw they both had Trump hats on and someone at like intermission was like came up to them and must have been like another tourist that was like... Oh. And you could tell that it was like such a...

Like they were trying to like get in stuff. You know, like they were trying to like get in stuff with, you know, like they were like at intermission wearing their hats, just kind of like, like in the, in the like lobby, like who's going to come up to me?

Who's going to come up to me? You know, was that their accent? Are you putting that on them? Perhaps they were, they were like, who is going to come up to me? Who's going to come up to me? It'd be funny if you give them an Indian accent.

That would be, I think. Yeah, that's it. Have you guys seen Mitchell and Webb? It's like a sketch show from like, it's a British sketch show. But they have the sketch in their first episode and it's like them as Nazis

and they're like trying to you know, whatever, go to war or something and one of them's like, hey, do you think we're the baddies in this? Do you think we're the bad guys? Because our uniform has a skull on it. Oh, that's really funny. You don't realize you're in that side for like a while. And you're just kind of like.

I don't wear ever. Yeah. Yeah. Like Cabaret, there's an incredible number in Cabaret where the MC, it's like it's not part of the story, but he has a love story and there's a monkey on stage. And he's just like, if you could see her through my eyes and it's this beautiful thing. But then the final line is, if you could see her through my eyes, she wouldn't look Jewish at all. And I'm like, the lesson should be whenever you're talking about a group of people and you start referring to them as animals, you are bad. Right.

You are bad. Yeah. And I just know so many people go, the Jews, they're after art. It's just the failure of art. Art can only do so much. Right. In the end, it's pretty useless. Even with music.

Even when you add a song to it. Yeah. Can you make it until 5.30? I know we're going a little, let's go on to our next segment,

This Has Gotta Stop. Oh, yeah. This Has Gotta Stop. It's been wonderful, Casey. You're a phenomenal guest. I don't remember half the episode

because I was blacked out. The color's coming back to your face. I cannot believe you were fucked man i can't believe i said you had a good tan at the beginning and then for a second you were just white i mean this is one to watch the video for for sure i really wow i really because because one of those things where i'm like i know i took the zen out but i'm like i don't know what

part of the wave i'm on yeah like we could just be starting we could go it was it was close to and we were having such a good time i was like i was like i was gonna tell you to keep going yeah and i was like i thought it would be honestly i thought if i threw up i'm like it would go it would go viral a podcast episode where someone throws up comes back i was ready i was gonna stick it out guys i was in Portland. Lights went out. The electricity went out. Whoa. Wow. First headlining show.

And I did like 40 more minutes. Everyone brought up their candles, like little electronic candles to the front. It was cute, but it's even- Did you just yell? I yelled. Oh. But you have a good voice. I have vocal training to get through that, but I was monitoring.

I was like, I can't just blow out my voice. And, you know, it's so loud. There were so many people there that joke. Whenever I do one of those, I feel like I have to clarify because I'm arrogant. But there were a lot of people there. But it's one of those things like comedically, you have to go real strict, real tight set up punchlines. There's certain story-ish things that I can't do because if the audience isn't re-engaging every time fully, you'll lose them. There's just too much noise going on around.

Yeah, it's like a fight. Yeah, so it definitely was like there was no more new material for that portion of the show. Yeah. It's like a fight. Yeah. So there was, it definitely was like, uh, there was no more new material for that portion of the show. Yeah. So they probably got a better show. You want to go good show to me, uh, cut the mic or, or write me before and say,

uh, uh, a casting director might be there tonight or like a comedian. I respect. Yeah. Yeah. And, you'll get a good show Or bring a gun

Oh my god Bring a gun Yeah My this has got to stop This is a hotel centric one How dare you Take up real estate On the desk of the hotel

With water bottles That have a price tag on it that should i get thirsty and drink some fucking water you're gonna charge me six dollars fuck you yeah fuck you we cannot allow this to stand it is gross behavior and yeah i'm gonna use the cup in the sink even though i know some documentary where they put a blue light and it was shown some previous guest filled it with cum and you didn't wash it at all.

That's what the blue light showed? If you bring a blue light to any hotel room, it's just dirty. These hotel rooms are... You should bring your own thing. Bring my own cup? I mean, you're traveling enough.

I forgot. Or a water bottle. I brought my headphone case to the airport. I've taken it out in the cab. I left the headphones at home. I brought the case and I was like, you. And you thought the sandwiches were overpriced at the airport. Guess what's really overpriced?

The fucking AirPods in the vending machines. And I looked at Amazon to be like, how much are they ripping me off? Oh, it's a hundred extra dollars. What am I going to do? Go on the six hour flight without headphones? Fuck. Fuck. But the water bottles, there's something about it that feels so gross.

Give me a cheap water bottle. I don't care, but don't do that shit. You can do it for the fridge. It feels like a human right. To have water just feels like just give me some water but it's one of those things i'm like oh i guess it's not a human right i got to drink the shitty tap water yeah and i guess tap water everywhere is okay to drink i think i was raised thinking like there's certain places in in but but you know i was i was at the marriott in

flint michigan and i said i'm going to have to go with the tab. That's the one to be, that water bottle would be like $100. You'd be like, fuck, what am I going to do? By the way, if you feel you are still loving that Democratic Party, there is some video of Obama where he does this thing. And I don't even know the details, but he was in Flint. Well, no, they asked him to come because of the crisis. And he's kind of verifying that the water is fine to drink. And in two separate pressings, he does the same move where he's like, let me have some.

Drink some water to prove that it was. Yeah. Does he drink it? Yeah. Yeah, but it's not. But like there was something about like it wasn yeah does he drink it yeah but it's not but like there was something about like it wasn't

we don't know where it's from but also it's like well the problem isn't that you drink one cup of water

the problem is you grow up drinking leaded water and you get brain damage but the whole point of it

was to shut up stop complaining about this it's not we've addressed it and the way that it the way it does

like this water is great it's deeply uh yeah but it's it's really it's just like a very political moment that they capture that will make you go oh no way that guys yeah cool yeah uh i remember esenaga criticized They had an Obama sketch The thing it didn't get criticized for Was Fred Armisen playing him But What they did get criticized for Was that it was like

Obama's cool There was just like a sketch That felt like Was that a Was that funded by the DNC? Was the premise Here's a pitch Obama is cool

And we all like him And everyone... Russell, this has got to stop. Yeah, this has got to stop. Something's going on in my apartment building where every three days there's a new sign in the elevator about a passive-aggressive sign with pictures about what's happening in our recycling and trash room. about what's happening in our recycling and trash room. And it has gotten to a point where I'm stressed out that I feel like I know the rules,

but I'm nervous to throw out things. And I'm nervous. What did the picture show? Well, it's like, it's like, it's like, and it'll be like, it'll be like, it'll be like trash update number four. And it'll be like, and you'll be like, okay. And it's like, and like, I like okay and it's like and like I like

obviously there's certain ones that I know and none of the pictures have been from me yet but it is like it's like CCTV no like one years ago and also I like the person who runs our building so I pray to God he's not listening to this because I do like him but I don't know if he's

in charge of the signs or if it's the landlord whoever's doing it I don't know if he's in charge of the signs or if it's the landlord, whoever's doing it. I don't know. But, um, I, it, it makes me like, feel like I can't throw out everything because I'm nervous. I'm going to get in trouble and there's going to be a sign in the elevator about it. And it's a small enough building where then I see it every time I leave and are coming. And it's like, it's, I'm stressed out about it. And also like, sometimes there's big things you want to throw out. And you're like, what are the rules there? We just leave it out on the side of the thing.

But then I've been told, no, don't do that. You have to. You got to call and you schedule it. But then I was told that that rule is gone. And I'm very confused. And I'm stressed out. And I feel like I'm turning into a hoarder because I'm nervous about getting in trouble with someone in the building and having a sign that shames me in the elevator.

And it's very stressful. Put up in the elevator. It's very stressful. Put up a new sign that's like trash update number six. Everything's great. Sometimes it's like, okay, here's news about the neighborhood and it's fine. Then that'll be for a few days. Then all of a sudden, new rule comes in and it's like someone fucked up.

They put egg carton in the recycling and you can't do that. I know that rule. But like it's just it feels like it feels stressful to me. That's very detailed. I know. I did do a fuck up once in the beginning. And it was my in my sign is still in the trash room. What did you do?

Wait, they have a picture? Not of me, but of my fuck up. Of what you did, right. It was like a Diet diet coke like a cardboard diet coke thing and instead i i didn't break it down fully i like i like i didn't break it down enough to put it into the thing like this is so this is great this is so obsessive my building has a room that is everyone just puts all their trash in it. Yeah. And I mean, it's disgusting. I've seen rats in it twice.

Oh, you could dine in mine. It's very clean and organized. In the table, you could just make it out of all the unbroken diet Coke can. I got in trouble for a trash thing recently. Did you? Did they know it was you? Well, I've been, yeah, because my building's my landlord, me, and one other guy. Oh, that SML money.

Well, it's just the couple lives upstairs who owns the building, and they're like this old Korean couple, and they're so nice. But I've just been putting my trash whenever I want on the sidewalk, and I've been doing this for two years.

Oh my god. For two years, no problems. Just put it on the sidewalk. And I've been doing this for two years. Oh my God. For two years, no problems. Just put it on the sidewalk. In the morning, it's gone. I don't know. I don't know how the trash system works. Then I got a picture of my trash sent to me by my landlord's son. And he was like,

hey, these are the trash days. And I was like, they're trash days? I thought you were just supposed to put trash, whatever. So now what I do is I just take my trash. I go to the end of, this is illegal. I just go to the end of the sidewalk and I put it in the trash can there because now I don't get in trouble.

I'm one person, so I only make like this much trash. I have one piece of something that I need to get rid of. And I'm like contemplating just going out in the middle of the night and putting it in the thing and in the, like the garbage can on the street. You can do it in the daytime. I know. I'm just worried about,

you have to do it casually. Like this is just to go food. It's a big thing. And you just put it, it's like a piece of, but it's not furniture where you can just put it on the curb. It's like, it's like a,

it's like a, it came, it's a thing that came and it was missing parts. Oh. And so it's kind of useless. So you can't even set it up to put it on the curb. So you were like, we have all these parts for like a shelf thing. Uh-huh.

And I don't know what to do with it. Why don't you take it apart and do it one at a time? Every day you put a part in at a time. Like disposing a body.. Like disposing a body. Yeah, disposing a body. That would be a good guest, a garbage man. Yeah. A New York City garbage man.

Yeah. You talk about musicals with a New York City garbage man. You don't know. Literally. That's true. He could have a really good singing voice and really like musicals. Yeah, as I said, a garbage man can't sing. Yeah.

That could be a show. Ooh. I. As I said, a garbage man can't sing. Yeah. Yeah. That could be a show. Ooh. I would not want to be a garbage man. But I think they get paid well. Yeah. That's the whole thing. They pay benefits. As they should.

Yeah. Yeah. As they should. They should be making more than the mayor. Yeah. I don't know how much the mayor makes. They should be taking the mayor out. Yeah.

What? They should be taking briars. With the garbage. He's a garbage. from a Turkish guy. Do you know that this has got to stop? Yes. Mine's pretty small. I don't like when

you have been at a restaurant and we're all talking. Of course we're all talking, but know your order. It's not like we're fucking around and this is gonna go on forever because it's the worst when you're hungry and you know your order because you looked at the menu while you're talking because you can read and talk like a person wow okay but sometimes it's tough when you're meeting someone that's like not a friend. Maybe it's maybe you're kind of talking some business.

Yeah. And you sit down and it feels hard to be like, hi, not going to speak to you for two minutes. Yeah. And just look. But OK, the first the first time they come around, it's water or whatever. Sure. So that part you get to pass. Everyone's fine, obviously.

Then you're like, oh, everything looks good here. That's how you start. And then you start looking at the menu do a little segue to look at the menu because i don't the server hates you now because they've come here three times and we haven't said anything and i hate you so we're gonna have a bad time yeah on this date or whatever because we're not gonna have a good time now i'm hungry yeah you know i i once in a while you make the mistake of i go uh oh you tell them i'll know and then you tell the order and then you're like

fuck i'm not ready yet and then we can come back yeah on dates i would just do we'll be having it she'll be having the side salad it's very rare for me no honestly more of a not i'm like i'll just have the side salad. It's very rare for me to order the side salad. No, honestly, more often than not, I'm like, I'll just have the side salad, no dressing.

I'll have the zen. Yes. All right. Let's go into our final segment. You better count your blessing. You better count your blessing. I'm just thankful to still be alive

My blessing I did Caleb Heron's podcast And I talked about I had a teacher Named Jay Breyer And he was at this middle I went to a middle school That was

It was a private school And it used to be Like very Christian And we still did assembly And we say the Lord's Prayer And we had like a cross school, and it used to be very Christian. And we still did assembly, and we say the Lord's Prayer, and we had a cross. But that was it. And he was the fun teacher. He probably told me, yeah, I was 19 when I taught you. I'd be like, oh, my God, really?

But he was young. Not that young. But he was gay, and he was open, I think, at a time where I don't think that was common when I was that age and at this kind of school. And the story I told on Kale's podcast was one day before class, I was doing some kind of jig or just like, you know, put on a little show. And he said, Jamarco, don't take this the wrong way. That's the gayest thing I've ever seen. And I do like think like how fortunate that I had like an adult who was open and like just open about it with no, would speak openly if they, that they were gay or there was one assembly i that i heard through the grapevine they got in trouble for where teachers would give the assembly presentation sometimes and he talked about being a big fan of wrestling and he talked about like going to a wrestling and that none of his friends liked wrestling and he felt kind of weird for it and then going to a wrestling match and everyone

was into wrestling and how cool it was to be around people who liked the thing that you liked and i don't know if it was a i certainly wasn't wise enough uh to go like oh this is about being gay yeah right but there was there was but all i know is that like it was so um looking at the trajectory of my life or just thinking how uh it was just lucky to have that yeah i think it was it was a a form of diversity that i don't think a lot of people people might have gotten at that age in the place that i grew up and uh you know looking back in it it was it was a very fortunate thing to have someone who it couldn't have been easy or or

to just be open like that i'm sure there were some obstacles yeah and uh he was also a very good teacher too and a fun teacher and i was lucky to have that so yeah i love that so i jay pryor uh very cool i love that yeah um my blessing so i like i said i i uh my nephew visited this weekend and um my mom told me after they left um that they were leaving and uh he was like really quiet. And then she looked back and he had tears in his eyes. They were leaving. And he was like,

he was like, I just get so sad when I leave uncle Russell and Cole, he goes, he goes, I just feel like I can say anything to them. And they, uh, they will hear it.

And just like, you know, remembering being eight and like, and like adults, like it was rare to feel like you could talk openly and freely and, and be yourself with all adults. So to feel like, Oh,

like I do feel like he can, you know, he feels super comfortable and super, you know, cause he's, he's at that age where like, he's not a little kid and he's like starting to like be, you know,

and you're figuring out who you are and blah, blah, blah. And so it felt really, you know, really nice. Just, you know, and you're figuring out who you are and blah, blah, blah. And so it felt really, you know, really nice. Just, you know,

they're not always as sweet. Usually it's just like pussy. Uh, no, you can like, it can be pussy, you know, uh,

whatever, you know, sure. Could be a pussy, tits and legs. Whatever you want. It could be those, it could be those gods. if you know what I mean.

I know for a fact that Russell's going to Google those gods. Before I leave here. He's going to go to ChatGPT and go, Sydney Sweeney's Hindu God. She's the god of lower back pain Do you have a blessing? Yes Well, okay Well, I have a sweet one

Yeah And I have a fun one My fun one's just Delta Lounge. Delta Lounge. Changed my life. How new are you to it? Like two months or three months. Enjoy while you like it.

I know. Let me tell you that. Really? Why? What? You just, you go to the Delta Lounge in Kansas City and you go, what the fuck is this? I go to Delta Lounge and I every day goes, no greens. Not a single green thing here. But that's what I like about it. Okay to Delta Lounge and I every day go, no greens. Not a single green thing here.

But that's what I like about it. That's okay. Delta Lounge first, I do this thing when I get to the airport, I have a meal. Then when I do the flight and I get off,

I have another meal at the Delta Lounge. But what about your bag? What about your bag? It's just my carry-on. Oh, you see for me, and I used to do this in tougher times

where I was so, I bring carry-on because I sell a lot of merch. And I would be scared. You know, I wouldn't want to. Once someone tried to take a suitcase. Whoa. Like I caught them. Like they were going away. And I had a bright yellow suitcase.

And so I went over. I said, hey, that's mine. And they said, oh, it looks the same. And no one had one has a suitcase stealing a suitcase that's crazy but I guess it's easy because you can actually

just walk into that area of the airport I just figured most people don't have anything interesting in their suitcase yeah I'd be like

enjoy those 500 cum towels that say moisture crunchy and have my Instagram handle on them but so I would run into the lounge

and I'd take cups and cups of all the ships. So you're doing that on the way back. Yeah, yeah. Because some lounges, they crack down on that. They'll be like, the flight has to be, you need to have a ticket for a flight that's about to leave. Oh. And they'll come for Delta.

You know what? They recently started a new Delta lounge for first class, which trust me, that lounge is going to, eventually going to be shitty. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Our lounge, the people's lounge. Yeah, it's going to be just there. You know,

so enjoy it. But that's good. Okay. The beginning of it. Yeah, it's great. It's heaven. Because it just,

you're just like, now I'm going to make my, I miss like a third of the flights I take. I'm really bad at taking flights. Really? That's insane. That's crazy. That's insane. That's crazy.

That's insane. It's insane. It's insane. The thing, the pro to that is I am very relaxed around traveling. Like I don't, I don't stress out about the airport.

The con of that is I'm so not stressed that I miss my flights. Do you just have to buy another ticket? Like they just give you a free flight. When you miss a flight, this is something people don't know because they don't miss flights exactly but when you miss a flight they'll just put you on the next flight oh my god okay wow this changes everything yeah one time okay it's only fucked up one time and now i'm way more careful because you have to make the show by that night so i don't want to miss it yeah yeah yeah comedian

the comedian let me let me not be funny for a second you gotta fix this yeah no i've been fixing it because of something that happened to me in january since then i haven't really missed a flight um i was supposed to go to austin i had like two shows on friday and i flew out friday morning and i missed my flight so i go to jfk or whatever i'm there i've missed my flight by by a lot to JFK or whatever. I'm there. I've missed my flight by a lot. I don't want to tell you guys by how much because it's an embarrassing amount of time. Let's just say I woke up after my flight left.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I woke up two hours after my flight left. Oh. So I went to the airport. How did you even explain it? Exactly. So it's very hard to explain How did you even explain it? Exactly. So it's very hard to explain.

What you have to do is like make up some lie that makes you look like an idiot where you're like, oh, I thought I booked a different flight. Anyways. If you say a death, you're going to have to show them something. Oh. I want something where something I tried to get out of or something I tried to get a refund on. I said someone died and they'll want the certificate. You know what you should do is just show ashes of a random thing

and just be like this is my grandma are you happy but I got there and I knew this time I knew I had no chance with the flight people

so I was just gonna buy a new ticket but there were no flights that were gonna get to Austin in time for my show so then I was like in crunch time and so I went outside

and the only flight I saw was leaving out of Boston and it would get to Austin right in time and so I went outside and the only flight i saw was leaving out of boston and it would get to austin right in time and so i went to a yellow cab and asked them if they would drive me to the boston airport oh and this yellow cab drove me to the boston airport how much was that five hundred dollars that's it yeah i know it was actually and i can't actually believe that i thought it would be like i mean it's it's a hundred dollars for me to go to new like yeah yeah you're right i was like i thought your number was off but i'm like yeah you are right yeah no it's but you know then i always wonder with those caps like do how do they get back like are they like well eat the whole time to get back it's worth it or they like gradually

find a crazy person in boston do they move right Because like I think the idea is that they're like, oh, I got done with my day at the end of this trip. Like I made the 500 I was going to make that day. Yeah. Anyways, and then I tipped him like 100. So I was like, all right. So I get there, I get on the flight and then I made my show.

I landed at seven. My show started at seven. And then by the time my feature was done, I was on stage. Oh my God. So seven and then by the time my uh feature was done i was on stage so i made i made it just in time uh like fully straight to the club um so now i don't miss flights as much because it was so scary it's it's awful i almost missed my and it wasn't my fault it was it was delay transfer but i almost missed my first headlining weekend. And man,

oh man. Yeah. Man, oh man. That was the worst. There was, I remember, I've gotten better now,

but there was a time last year where the airlines were going crazy. It was like, we're COVID whatever. And, um, I think Delta said like 11% of their flights were canceled. It was, it was crazy.

Like three times I would board a plane and they, they're like, all right their flights were canceled. It was crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like three times I would board a plane and they're like, all right, we got to get off the plane. And I just remember the, it was like the last time I cried in an airport where I was just like, I think I was missing my first cellar spot.

Oh my God. And now, now whatever. I got three tonight. We'll see if I get there. I almost missed my first cellar, not missed it, but I was almost late to it. Is this a problem?

Do we need to have like a heart-to-heart after this? No, because I left an hour before I was supposed to get there. And it's only like 20 minutes away. Yeah. Then the F was fucked. And the R started running on the F line for some reason. Crazy. But you don't think that it's going to be the R.

So I just got on because this is only the F comes here. Yeah. I got on it, realized it was the R, got off in Times Square, couldn't find a cab, ran to 6th Ave. 6th Ave is closed. Ran to 5th Ave, finally found a cab, fully drenched in sweat. I have to go see Esty because it's a Sunday spot and she's there. And I mean, that was like the closest I've come. When Esty's there, I mean that was like

the closest I've come to just fully crying when Esty's there you're about to miss I mean I would have it was my first spot I would have I would have had to

just quit like I don't know what I would do if I was missing the first spot this is how I'm walking in no matter how I got there

if it was my fault I'd come in I would have like I would have like picked up dirt like rubbed it on my forehead maybe punched myself yeah yeah yeah i can't believe i made it i got that's actually a really good idea i almost missed early on this was the this was the stupidest i've ever been in my life i went there it was the halloween parade uh-huh i i got out the parade is is

standing between me and across the street oh yeah and I couldn't figure out how to get over oh my god and so I start I start running out I have time I'm there early yeah

I start going down looking for a cross there's nothing there's no way it's getting closer it's closer I'm pushing through people and I'm saying to the cops

I'm like I work there and I'm like trying to like make myself cry to like get over there and they won't do it I'm going further and further south I mean I'm deep in there oh god and then and I'm thinking to myself cry to like get over there and they, they won't do it. I'm going further and further South. I mean,

I am deep in there and then, and, and I'm thinking to myself, I'm like, I think I'm going to jump the barricade and run. Yeah. And, uh,

somehow I got there like in the nick of time, sweating. And I realized that when I was exiting the subway, if I had gone to the left exit instead of the right exit yeah you would have gotten out on the other side i would have been fine yeah i didn't even think about that and when i realized it when i realized it i was like i i was like i'm the dumbest person in the world yeah yeah yeah i mean and you don't think in the moment oh in the moment i was in underground we can't go above ground underground yeah okay to be fair i was still 30 minutes early to the spot because when i got there no i was 10 minutes earlier than the time that she gave me

which still i think looks bad as your first spot because she did email me and she said hey you're confirmed for now are you coming i'm so glad i didn't see that esty or liz esty yeah i've truly some something clicked i was on the road enough where i've i've really chilled out about all new york spots like i'm i'm so uh overworked on the road enough where i've i've really chilled out about all new york spots like i'm i'm so uh overworked on the road that i'm like well if i don't get booked for a little good i can read a book uh but but like tova tova had to deal with some just brutal like oh my god and i said it to the wrong person and i'm never gonna work again my God. That happened. I forgot to send her a headshot. But she's been actually so nice.

So I'm like, this is, you know, you get this like sort of cajoling, I think, up top where everyone is so nice. I think that SNL credit really greases the wheels.

All right. Oh my God. We got to wrap this up. Oh God. There's some, there's some, okay. Anything We got to wrap this up. Oh, God. There's some... Okay. Anything you want to plug? This is coming out July 16th.

Well, I'm on the road, and just my Instagram has all of it, so it's Casey Shornima, so I'll just plug my Instagram. And we'll put your Don't Tell link. Yeah. It's a great Don't Tell set. Russell, what do you want to plug?

716. 716. Oh, you do you want to plug? 716. 716. Oh, you still have time to get tickets to the Downside Live on tour in Philly, Washington, D.C. No, wrong order. Washington, D.C., Philly. No, Washington, D.C., Boston, Philly, New York City. In that order, the 22nd through the 25th. Yes.

Of July. It's going to be great. And for me, I, oh my God, I don't even know. We, I might be in Syracuse tomorrow. I think I'm headlining the Funny Boon. Oh yeah. The Funny Boon. The Funny Boon.

I couldn't get booked at the Funny Boon. I had to sit over the Funny Boon. It's much smaller. No, it's big. And I promise there's going to be seats. It's a Wednesday night in Syracuse. We'll be there.

Russell will probably be in the audience, I hope. Yes, I will. We're doing something for American High. And then in L.A., Los Angeles, it might be sold out,

but my silver lining show is July 28th, New Material, Crowd Work. I got Joel Kimbooster and Robbie Hoffman. Those are two phenomenal comedians.

Very funny. And then if you're in Australia Australia's coming up I'm sure there's some tickets for some of them some are sold out and join the Patreon I forgot to say

patreon.com slash downside you're gonna get some little bonus stuff from the live tour you got our live episodes our Patreon exclusive episodes and we're almost at 500

and then Russell and I are gonna go to a recording booth and record a musical theater song then Russell and I are going to go to a recording booth And record a musical theater song Musical theater And Yeah

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