The Downside with Gianmarco Soresi - #220 Night Terrorist (Patreon Exclusive Excerpt)

Episode Date: July 20, 2024

In this Patreon exclusive episode, Russell & Gianmarco discuss breastfeeding on the subway, getting patronized at the gym, night terrors, and more... Watch the rest of the episode exclusively on our Patreon! Join free for 7 days: https://www.patreon.com/downside Get tickets to our first East Coast tour! We're coming to DC, Boston, Philly, and NYC from July 23-26! You can get tickets for all dates here: https://linktr.ee/downsidepod. Follow The Downside with Gianmarco Soresi on Instagram Follow Gianmarco Soresi on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, & YouTube Subscribe to Gianmarco Soresi's email & texting lists Check out Gianmarco Soresi's bi-monthly show in NYC Get tickets to see Gianmarco Soresi in a city near you Watch Gianmarco Soresi's special "Shelf Life" on Amazon Follow Russell Daniels on Twitter & Instagram E-mail the show at [e-mail] Produced by Paige Asachika & Gianmarco Soresi Video edited by Dave Columbo Technical production by Chris Mueller Special Thanks Tovah Silbermann Original music by Douglas Goodhart Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Sephora Savings Event is here. World in my hand, I'll take this and that. And that. Ooh, and this. Oh, it's true. Find everything you want on sale at the Sephora Savings Event. It only happens twice a year and it's on now through November 11th. Find brands like Rare Beauty, Glow Recipe, Valentino, K18, and more, all for less.

Shop at Sephora today. Limitations apply. Must be a beauty insider. See terms at sephora today limitations apply must be a beauty insider see terms at sephora.com for complete details welcome to the downside my name is jimarcus arazi did your headphones go up no you screamed i felt like where's your phone out i'm putting it over here okay face up i'm waiting for one thing um but it's not don't worry about it you you'll never even see if it comes through. Hey, I haven't been able to talk to you. Did you...

The last three times... I just want to get your opinion. It's not an opinion. It's just something I've noticed. The last three times I've taken the subway, a woman has breastfed across from me. Directly across from me. The last three times. Is that not strange? Same woman?

No, no, no. Different woman. It was the same. I say something's going on. We should Google it. Maybe, I don't know if it's like a, if there's any meaning in that. And what you're, are you asking me like, should that be legal? No. Are you saying like, have I noticed

there's more? It should be legal, John Marco. It should be legal. You can do whatever you want. I just think it's interesting that the last three times I've been on the subway, a person directly across from me has been breastfeeding. So, because you haven't asked the question yet, just to be clear. That's not a question. I'm just telling you something that's happened. And asking me to make the problematic interpretation.

Interpret it. Does it mean anything? I would like to think it means people. I mean, I don't know. Honestly, I think. Am I about to have a child? I don't know. Maybe there's like I'm just like. I don't think it's correlated to that.

I think I don't see. You know how some people don't see color? Yeah. I don't see breastfeeding. Oh, you don't see it at all? I just see women living their life. Oh, okay. And you, you clock it.

And you, oh, I clock it. But then I, then. Okay, can you tell me? Let's see, let's see this. Yeah. Let's see how much you clocked it. Tell me in order, which breast were they sucking on? The left breast today.

Listen, but listen, listen. Here's what happens though, because I'm not always very aware of what's happening around me on the subway. I'm like, I'm on music and I'm like, you know, and so when I do notice it, there's a, all of a sudden like a, you clock it and then you're like, well, I gotta, I gotta look anywhere else besides directly across from me. That's where it becomes more of a thing. Then I get really conscious in my head about not staring straight ahead because that would be rude.

Sure. So what was breastfeeding? You're just like this on the train. Well, no, I feel like I get performative, though, of closing my eyes and looking down or to sleep, to nap. I know what you mean. But I got very self-conscious. Not self-conscious, but you're very conscious of like, oh, you can't stare straight ahead.

You have to like, you know. Sure. I know that feeling, not necessarily for breastfeeding, but like. I'm not saying I want to even look. It's not like I'm like, I gotta see these breasts. You know what I mean? I'm saying it like it is someone's breast.

You know? Could you say that, but without that pervy voice? Could you just go, I gotta see these breasts? Boy, oh boy. I just gotta see these breasts today. Yeah.

Got some breasts to see over at the office. Yeah. I think that feeling, though, I have that thing of like oh am i looking i mean it could be with you know some weird facial thing or something and i think like our brains can create that anxiety that as if that person's like i think that person's looking over here and i think that can be very fake yes yes yeah um yeah and i asked but i will also say it's remarkable like i mean i guess they perfected the science of like being able to like breastfeed quickly like like making access for the baby quickly but it's it's shocking to me like wait if i if i were to technology you mean well

i'm saying like the clothes i have right now it would be it would not be surprised that all of a sudden i'm breastfeeding you'd be like oh he's doing something like if i were to like pull out my breast right sure i'm saying the the women who are breastfeeding they're able to do it so quickly you know what i mean yeah like you're just sitting there and all of a sudden and then it's not there's nothing they're on the train they're like oh it's the first time no i i wish it wasn't on a moving vehicle but this guy's staring at me but after seeing it so many times so many years it's still like it still surprises you how quickly everyone can get access to it okay so let me ask you this so let's say for some reason a god comes down very weird god and he goes uh you have the power to breastfeed, and this baby is poisoned.

The cure is in your boob. How are you doing it right now? I'm going because I got this. I think my first attempt would be. Wait, is he telling the mother? No, God comes down, drops the baby. The baby's poisoned. You have the cure in your tit.

Oh, I'm not stealing a baby from a woman. No. Okay. I mean, God, he could have. That's what I was picturing. God could have. I have to explain to her why I'm going to breastfeed her baby in addition to this. You've made it easier.

It's just God explaining. Okay. No, let's add the woman. And she's like, what's going on? And she can't see God. But the baby's poisoned. The baby's going to die. Oh, my God.

I guess I'm going, I'm probably ripping. Oh, look, that was pretty good. Yeah. You're doing full pants off first. I'm being modest, so I'm putting that baby up under my shirt so no one can see my stomach. Can you imagine if you saw a woman with a full baby under her shirt? Gussying that kid up to my tit.

And you're across going like, it's okay. It's okay. God told up to my tit. And you're across going like, it's okay. It's okay. God told me to do this. So remember, this is a Patreon exclusive. Oh, yeah. But this part is public. At a certain point,

we're going to hit a cut off. Oh, right. And the rest, you're going to have to join the Patreon. I'm trying a new thing where I'm trying to read. I can only see the last week of Patreons, but it's a new thing where I'm trying to read just, I can only see the last week of patrons, but it's a new thing we're going to start doing.

Okay. So these are the new patrons, at least in the last week they've joined. Spencer Young, Vaughn, Sarah, do you want to alternate? Sarah Harney. Mosey. Anika Cunningham. Joy Higel. Kristen Booz.

Clarissa. Mohamed Nasser. Shiloh. Azem. Azem. Shiloh. Thomas. John Marco put the Trump assassin.

Oh, I couldn't have worked better. I almost read it. It couldn't have worked better I almost read it I almost read it I I So I didn't think you'd know I didn't think you'd recognize the name Because I didn't know the name

I know my assassins So I was ready to read it And then I was ready to do I was about to be like Wait a second Chris look up Thomas That's what I was ready to read it, and then I was ready to do it. I was about to be like, wait a second. Chris, look up Thomas, Matthew. That's what I was going to do. And then he'd say it.

That's so funny. That's really funny. I ran that bit by three different people. Really? I was like, is this funny, or is this wildly inappropriate? Yeah. I just thought it would be so funny. Because they're always trying to track down.

By the way, this is coming out on wednesday so we can we can talk yeah uh but they're trying to like be like you know what is his history as if it's gonna like give some kind of clue as if it's gonna be like it was morning joe's he was he was watching the movie jfk a lot you know like we're gonna be like wow you know it's literally just so you 20 year olds like sorts of weird things, and who knows their motives for anything. It usually is they should have jerked off that day. And so they're going to use it to, because they say he's a Republican, but the Republicans will say, well, he just registered so he can maybe vote against Trump. But he donated to vote blue, which is a Democratic thing. And then I saw that he was in the Rifle Club.

That seems Republican. That seems Republican. Or tried to get in the Rifle Club. But he was batted with the club. That seems Republican. He was batted with the shooting. That seems liberal. But then I heard someone else say at the school that they were all liberal and he was conservative today. That was the new one today.

But the bottom line is they're 20. Yeah. Well, my favorite thing, too, is they're like, what's the motive? And you're like, what's the motive? So, by the way, I sent you a voice memo because that's the bit I wanted to do. Again, with a lot of these bits, you're like, well, so by the way, I, well, I, I sent you a voice memo because that's the bit

I wanted to do and I was too, I was like, again, with a lot of these bits, you're like, is this okay? And you didn't get back.

And this was when you were back in the Bahamas. So I did it on stage. I did essentially. And so the way that the bit went, I think it went well where it goes like, I like,

now they're finding the motive. So I'm like, that means that there are 20 FBI guys somewhere. They're in suits with with sunglasses there's a whiteboard and they're going there's computers why would anyone why would anyone and it's so god it would be a good sketch that would be the sketch that would be the snl sketch it's just a funny thing about and i'm gonna take trump out of this it's just a funny thing about any any attempt of assassination of a president or a leader why would they you're like why what are you talking about we don't we don't

have to waste our time on that does it matter well also is it going to give you any more what the political flip of it is now they're going like well this is your guy's fault for saying uh uh he was bad and it's like so they're just trying They're just trying to figure out what base to blame in this person's thing. But there's a contingency of older people that go, yeah, it has gone out of control. You shouldn't have called him a fascist. You should have waited until he did something directly fascist,

and then 50 years later, you could have called him a fascist when we looked back at all the millions that had been dead. That's the only time you're allowed to use the word fascist. So I do want to put...

I would, listen, sometimes I like to put the exciting part at the end of the Patreon to get you to join the Patreon. But I want you to know I'm a good... I like to think that I'm a... not a selfish or not a like... I'm not trying to squeeze you for every dime you got.

Yeah. So this is not the, uh, this is not the, um, uh, poppers episode. No,

it's not, but it's coming. I was thinking about buying it. Yeah. When did, when did, when did that, will that happen?

Uh, I guess what would help me is when will you know when we're doing a Patreon recording and don't try to cancel last second. You motherfucker. That would help me plan, I guess, a little bit. Well, you know, maybe if there's some consistency, maybe if... Monday after a regular... Okay, listen. It's okay.

It worked out. It worked out for everyone except for my family. Yeah, but well, it worked out for everyone except for my family. So Tova, I think it kind of faded again, but she had some night terrors. And what's nice, I don't know. Sometimes the night terrors are a little bit quaint. I don't know. Sometimes I wake up and I'm like so tired.

I'm like, I think they're back and I need to start turning on the app again. We have the app. It records every time she has a night terror. Like whenever there's a loud noise, I guess it records that and deletes as it goes. But the problem is with the AC being on, it just picks up the whole AC. So basically like the AC triggers it. Yes. So the next day it's just six hours of noise and you can't track it down. But sometimes what happens is I know Tova's going through a night terror phase

and i know when i go into the room whether it's closing the bedroom door or just me walking there like she's like it's a little noise and she something will happen so i i got one pretty perfect um and i'm gonna play it i always get scared because i pull things up on my phone yeah and i'm like there's this camera here it It could always be porn. It could always be porn. I think about that all the time with the computer. Remember it happened at the... Oh my God, it happened once on a plane.

For you? Porn? How loud was it? No, it wasn't playing. I pause it before closing it. I'm not like... So not me. I don't... I pause it before closing it. Uh-huh. I'm not like... Oh, but you... I'm like, ugh! So not me.

I throw them away at my computer. I just like... As soon as I've completed, I just throw them at the computer. So anytime I open it, it's full volume. And I listen full volume. It's so scary to determine

the volume level of porn, too, because sometimes you want to hear it, like, of porn too Because sometimes you want to hear it Like you know But you never want to hear it too loud You know what I mean I always think about like I think you realize how rich you'd have to Honestly I think that's why people hoard wealth

Is just so they can have a house big enough That they can fully listen to porn At full volume The other day I had the thought I thought you know what we have this 85 inch tv and i've never watched porn on it and i thought should i chromecast porn just to see it on an 85 inch tv like but then i was like i was like no certainly like someone can see that but then i was like who cares like what it's New York City, right?

And I think I'm going to do it just at some point just to see it on an 85-inch TV. Do you know what I mean? Well, speaking of, we got this new TV screen here. You can't see it on the camera. Yeah. But I know one of these days I'll be here and I'll see that TV and I'll be like, which couch do I choose? It'll be funny

if you watch porn on it. It's usually when, I don't know how it happens honestly. I don't know science. When something's on a screen for too long, it kind of fades the screen. Oh, yeah. So one day, Nicole, your wife comes home and is like, are there two big tits on that fucking screen?

Actually, when I say that the other day, I thought about it. I tried doing it. And I was doing it from my phone. And I had a brief moment of panic that I was maybe casting to like a neighbor's thing. Because I was like, it's not going, but that's my TV. And it wasn't going through. It wasn't doing the screen mirror thing.

So it didn't work out. I got to figure out the technology. There's no better prank. I did it once with my old roommate where I attached his Bluetooth when he was in his room and we had company over. He had a friend over.

Oh, that's funny. And I just played porn on that Bluetooth. Man, there's nothing funnier. Yeah. Okay. I literally... No, no. Well, banter.

I mean, you entertain while I... Okay. Let me look at, sorry. No, no, well, banter. I mean, you entertain while I... Okay, let me look at my phone. No, no, I'm pulling up a thing for us. Wait, you sent it to me, didn't you? I sent it to you. And Douglas. Just talk, just tell him a thing. Okay, I mean, what do you want to hear about Barbados?

Sure, yeah. Okay, what do you want to know? Oh, Jesus Christ. All right, I found it. Okay. No, I don't think this is the right one just say just say a thing okay you are a talented entertainer i'm not but i'm not a stand-up i'm not i'm not gonna do and we don't have crowd where i'm gonna talk to chris

like tell a story tell a story about barbados okay okay so in barbados oh i did have a funny thing happen i went to the... But it's not fun, though, because I'm telling it, and you're just staring. Talk to me. Yeah, thank you. Oh, my God, he's taking acting class. He has a mic.

Tell him a story. Okay, so I was in Barbados, and I went to the gym one day. Wow. I went multiple days, because there's nothing else. You're drinking rum, and you're not doing anything, so why not, you know? I went to the gym one day. Wow. I went multiple days. Because there's nothing else. You're drinking rum and you're not doing anything, so why not?

Hotel gym or like a big gym? A resort gym. Resort gym. It's like a couple treadmills, some weights, a bike, elliptical, that kind of thing. But if you go at a certain time of day, it's so beautiful. No one's there. No one's doing anything. So I was there alone. And then this beautiful woman comes in and such the two of us.

And I'm on the treadmill. I'm jogging on the treadmill. And she gets on the other treadmill. She's jogging. And then she ends her thing and I'm still going. And she comes over to me. And she puts out her fist until like while i'm jogging and i was like uh and then and that's why like your headphones are on yeah headphones

are on so i fist pound her and she's like she's like uh keep it keep it up, big guy. And you're just like... She said big guy? Yeah. It sounded like... Big was in there. But like big guy... What if it was big boy? No, no, no.

No. She... No. The thing is, she was trying to be nice. And she was trying to be like, hey look at us like on some level she's like hey look at us it's like we're in paradise and we're we did it we went to the gym but on another level there was definitely a thing it was a younger very attractive woman who works out a lot clearly yeah and where it was like wow good for you like that kind of thing you know like

that kind of good for you it might have been good for you big guy or or keep it it was like, wow, good for you. Like that kind of thing. You know, like that kind of good for you. It might have been good for you, big guy. Or keep it up. It was either one of those. It was that kind of thing. Because I also had my headphones on, so I was trying to interpret what she was saying. But the fist pound, too. Just the thing of it.

To interrupt someone's exercise thing. And again, she meant it to be nice, but it's a weird thing where it feels like why you know can i ask were you what speed were you moving what do you what do you think i was i was running like uh like an olympian no no no no i'm saying like if you were going like at level one like 1.0 i could see like a little bit like this clearly is this is it no no i was jogging it's crazy no what she did was crazy yeah yeah yeah which which is the worst part is it the condescension of like hey good job is it the fist pound or is it the big guy fist pound is a little it's i mean i think it's the whole thing of like um um, it just like, you're interrupted.

Like we're not, we don't like, and it wasn't between things. It wasn't like, but between, it was like, I was currently still doing it. What's worse,

that or if she came over and started pressing the up arrow and was like, come on, honestly, they're both bad to me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, listen, she was running faster than me there there let's just say that but i did it longer than her by a lot i think i think even what she said though is worse than if she said i won yeah yeah yeah yeah what would be okay so let's say you're you're her and you're in her brain and she's like i i want to make this guy feel uh good What do you want someone to say to you on the treadmill? I don't think there's a thing to say to someone on the treadmill. I really don't.

Because imagine me talking to her on the treadmill, the optics of that, of me approaching a beautiful woman on a treadmill. You should have found her the next day and been like, hey, big girl. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just think there's not really a good way of doing it. The only thing is if there's an opening in between, if you're both in between doing something. Sure.

And even then, it's like, I don't want to talk about what we're doing. We're just like do different things, you know? Because we don't know each other. I don't know what, you know. And also, it's just purely like I have more time on my schedule and, you know, you're having rum drinks and stuff that you're like i just want to you guys sweat it out and like you know yeah so it just was one of those things where it just was funny keep it up big guy thanks man um appreciate so

you've seen this video oh yeah okay so so chris can you can you come in i want i want you to watch it too so we're gonna watch it and when this is done, that's when it goes to the Patreon exclusive part. So we're going to talk about it and get into the weeds. So again, patreon.com slash downside. We give you some good stuff. And we just finished our tour, fully sold out tour. Let's call it right now. And we're going to put up a lot of exclusive stuff there.

So join the Patreon. Things things are growing things are moving alec baldwin is is um what are we calling our tour the alec baldwin is freeman um that was a little sampling of russell didn't kill anyone too alec baldwin didn't kill anyone i wish i want to be i've said too many jokes about him that I don't think we'll ever like be on friendly terms. You're going to have the opportunity to be friendly with him? There was there was a there was a maybe he wants you for the podcast and it was right before the Netflix came out. Oh, his podcast.

His podcast. What is his podcast? He's like a podcast. He used to have one where he would like it was like really jazzy. And it was very serious. Like he's one of these guys. He's like a podcast. He used to have one where he would like, it was like really jazzy. And it was like, it was very serious. Like he's one of these guys. He's so funny. He's so funny.

But he really like, and I know men like this where like, they also like, I also want to be taken deathly seriously every once in a while. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm very much not like that. I'm like, I don't want to. Yeah. Cause my father.

Okay. So Chris, I'm going to play this. Can you scoot in so they can see your face so they can, uh, this want to. Yeah. Because my father. Okay. So, Chris, I'm going to play this. Can you scoot in so they can see your face? So they can... Yes. This is Chris. Hello. Chris Muller.

Mueller. Mueller. You're not related to the guy, though, that was going to save democracy, though, right? No. Okay. No, I'm ruining democracy. Okay. Here we go.

So this is a night terror. No. No. No. No. Nope. Oh. Oh, John Marco. What?

Not only did I help in trial, I helped in the... the... the... the... the... the... the... the little boy. What little boy? The Asian boy. The Asian boy? Yes. Which Asian boy? One of his parents. Or... or... lawyers.

My friend Kevin? You helped him? She's still a girlfriend. I believe you You didn't before I'm sorry You know it doesn't matter You just didn't You forgive me? She's still a girlfriend Can I give you a kiss? Good night Oh my god That's so crazy

To have full conversations And now No memory of that right? Oh no And we tried to piece it together She was watching like Some reality show And maybe there was a lawyer but she didn't know who the asian boy was and uh frankly offensive that i said is you're talking about my one asian friend kevin

uh but there's so many pieces of that that are so beautiful first there's the face that she makes oh yeah yeah because she she also like it just feels like there's a little bit of like a performance she's putting on like yeah not only like there's like sarcasm yeah as a so it's it's just so nuanced yeah and in a way that if i asked her to act that to recreate it like as an actor, I don't think she could do. Like, it's magic. It feels magic in that sense. Yeah, it's transformational. And it's one of the few that doesn't end.

Like, sometimes we don't play night terrors because they will often end with, like, her crying. Yeah. Like, she just immediately goes, like, I can't believe it. Like, it just goes back there. Yeah. So, Patreon. You're listening to the downside. The downside.

With Gianmarco Cerezi.