The Downside with Gianmarco Soresi - #221 Inconvenient Aliens with BriTANick

Episode Date: July 23, 2024

Comedians Brian and Nick of BriTANicK join to discuss the downsides of getting stuck in alien makeup before an important SNL meeting with Lorne Michaels, filming a Comedy Central pilot with all of your exes, doing accutane FOUR times, being a “highly sensitive child,” and doing Zoom couple’s therapy with your wife in full alien makeup. You can watch full video of this episode HERE! Join the Patreon free for 7 days for ad-free episodes, exclusive content, and MORE. Follow BriTANicK on Instagram, YouTube, & TikTok See BriTANicK in a city near you: https://britanick.komi.io/ Follow Brian on Instagram & Twitter Follow Nick on Instagram & Twitter Follow The Downside with Gianmarco Soresi on Instagram Get tickets to our live podcast tour! July 23 | Washington DC: https://www.dccomedyloft.com/shows/266932 July 24 | Boston: https://thewilbur.com/deep-cuts/artist/downside-podcast/ July 25 | Philadelphia: https://link.dice.fm/DSG_UA24 July 26 | NYC: https://citywinery.com/new-york-city/events/downside-podcast-live-gywjza Follow Gianmarco Soresi on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, & YouTube Subscribe to Gianmarco Soresi's email & texting lists Check out Gianmarco Soresi's bi-monthly show in NYC Get tickets to see Gianmarco Soresi in a city near you Watch Gianmarco Soresi's special "Shelf Life" on Amazon Follow Russell Daniels on Twitter & Instagram E-mail the show at [e-mail] Produced by Paige Asachika & Gianmarco Soresi Video edited by Dave Columbo Technical production by Chris Mueller Special Thanks Tovah Silbermann Original music by Douglas Goodhart Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Shop at Sephora today. Limitations apply. Must be a beauty insider. See terms at sephora today limitations apply must be a beauty insider see terms at sephora.com for complete details welcome to the downside my name is jimarcus i'm just jumping in now yeah you are what you normally do i was in the bathroom when you were like so here's how this works and then the door uh uh no you'll figure it out you're you're talented let me guess is it we talked to you for an hour and a half like every podcast? Yeah. But with like a light theme of negativity.

Okay. Oh, great. Which I feel like Nick will be on board for. Brian, we're going to have to bring it down. Yeah, Nick jumps to negativity a little quicker than I do. You sort of live in that world. But that's kind of our balance too. Oh, good.

It's also, I wonder about if this is true for you. I deeply enjoy negativity. I actually think I'm a pretty optimistic person. Uh-huh. And I enjoy being negative for the fun of it. I 100% agree. I think complaining, sometimes you complain to people. It connects people to enjoy it.

Yeah. Yes. Oh, a shared enemy? There's nothing better there's something interesting here because guy branham has a joke that i really like about how he has his music taste is like really poppy fun music which is like my music taste and everyone always made fun of his music taste and his whole bit is like i am my life is so dark this is what i need and it's like nicholas is like emo sad boy music. And for me, it's like... Yes, it's sad

boy music and lesbian folk singers. Okay, so if I listen to two sad boy music, I'm like, I already have this sort of in me. I need to be listening to Weird Al musicals all the time because that needs to pet me up because that keeps me just sort of in this mood. You listen to his

polka montages? I know all of them by heart. Of course I do. Running with scissors. I own that album. That was, yeah, that was a classic when we were about 12 years old. That was like the disdain in Brian's voice of like,

yeah. Oh, running with scissors. Yeah. That basic bitch album. Like, Oh yeah. Okay.

Deep cut. Oh, you also like, let it be. Um, well, let me just say real quick. should have said this earlier this episode is coming out uh july 23rd so politically i just let's let's think optimistically and let's predict

the future so biden's out of the race by net by then yeah biden's out of the race hopefully america has collapsed did you guys watch it in the debate do we watch it yeah i mean let's let's imagine it's not July 23rd though. And be like, someone's listening and they go, Oh fuck. We're talking about the debate. Yeah.

Let's not. You're right. You're right. But we can, let's turn it down. Oh, here's what I'll say. This.

Can you turn down my headphones? I was just going to ask the exact same thing. Yeah. I guess we should do a little, a little check in before. Yeah. Um, all I will say is that I recorded like a 15 minute mini special.

Okay. That opened with a Biden joke. And I was going to release it at the end of August. I thought I'd release it at the end of August. Yeah. I'm out with my girlfriend for dinner. And our friend Chris, who believes in the system. He really does.

Believes in the system. Okay. And he texted the group. He said, Biden needs to drop out and i said oh he's like the person that would never say that would never say that yeah he texted us and we were both like oh god the number of articles that have come out of people like like did you see the cover of time yeah oh yeah it's he's walking off into the abyss of death. And it's nothing but red.

It's a red hellscape. And he's walking off and it's the word panic. And it's just like, whoa. That even was too far for me where I was like, well, hang on. Well, let's make a bold prediction. This coming out. I say he's dropped out. I don't think so.

Yeah. Okay. It's they're both kind of 50-50, but I'm going to say he's replaced. I'll go there. I think that we might have to push more to do it. Oh, I see. I don't think he's going to naturally. What I've heard is that nobody is donating anymore.

Yes, I've heard that today. And that's what made me go, oh, that's That'll do it. And that's what, and that was, that's what made me go, Oh, that's going to do it. But I do think if it hasn't happened by July 23rd, I don't think it's happening unless he dies. When's the convention? When's the,

in Chicago? Mid August. Oh, okay. I was looking at that too for the special release. It's very, it's very, it's always,

uh, so strange to look at the whole end of America through the scope of me releasing. That's all it was. I got this content lined up. Yeah. so strange to look at the whole end of America through the scope of me releasing my 15 minute YouTube work. That's all it was. I got this content lined up. It was so stressful though. My girlfriend and I, you know my girlfriend, and she, we were watching,

the way that we process like trauma is we were just looking at Twitter and just trying to laugh. Like that's how we process our trauma. I'm fully disassociating. I'm actually pretty stress-free about the whole thing because I'm like, it's not happening to me.

Wait, can I tell? It's happening to my body. Here's what I saw from the perspective. We were at some bar, me, Nick, and like eight other people, your brother, your dad were there. And it was like, there was a big TV. And we're like, oh, we're just gonna watch it here.

This is perfect. We're like, and it came on in an hour. We're like, let's do a drinking game. And we all like wrote little rules for it we're all so giggly this will be a rom yes it starts everyone just goes quiet and it's just like staring at the screen for 45 minutes at 9 45 nick's three beers deep he's just like looking on his phone he was drinking aperol spritzes let's just excuse me if we're going to report it 9 45 p.m it goes all right i'm gonna go see furiosa and leaves the table and goes to watch furiosa by himself at 10 p.m what i wanted was to comfort myself with an apocalyptic hellscape yeah because i'd be like oh this is nice this is a nice change from

a better improvement on the world we're living in the theater yes and also what should be clear is like all pretty much everyone at this table was a guest of me of you my dad my brother my brother's friends brian's met most of them that night knows my dad my brother but is and i'm like good luck everyone yeah do you remember where you were for the for the 2016 election i was at a comedy show yeah i was at little field it was a it was like pop roulette and a bunch of other comedy things and they were still going on while they were showing the results in the other room everyone was so confident oh my god and uh i just remember the i i will never forget the gradual know, people leaving the show, moving to the other room.

Yeah. I made out with someone that I didn't really, wasn't into, but I was like, I wanted to feel. I feel something. It was the worst kiss of my life. It was the worst kiss of my life. Yeah, of course. And then people were crying. Newly married gay couples were sitting going, it's over.

I mean, it was dark. It was dark. We, I mean, the election is a Tuesdayuesday night and so is writing night at snl which is where we were so you're up all night tuesday night it was that dave chapelle yes yes hell was there like wandering from room to room like yeah watching our tvs with us being like it's also so funny because it's gonna happen i was you know massive fan of d fan of Dave Chappelle since I was a kid. And he, and you know, you meet with the host that, that Tuesday writing night and he comes into our room and I've never wanted anyone to leave our room quicker than like my comedy hero. Cause he just kept being like, it was a terrible choice.

We should, we had a terrible candidate. Like it's fucked up. And I was just like, I can't. Cause it was still like early was like, there's still some hope yeah yeah he was like breaking all that for you we were pitching sketches to him and he would always go no and i was like i don't think he likes us at all or any of our sketch ideas we pitched one idea that he liked there's a full tangent but it was and what was it? It was Eyes Wide Shut parody. Instead of like a blindfolded pianist,

you're a blindfolded stand-up. Like you're doing a corporate gig, but it's an Eyes Wide Shut orgy. You don't know that you're there. That's funny. But yeah, so then everyone, we all these like... I think the head writers had a Hillary cold open and Hillary...

Everyone's just sort of assuming. We had Hillary... Do you want sort of assuming we had Hillary. Do you want to claim ownership of the Hillary playing? Well, yeah, we told Kate. She didn't know how to play piano. I taught her. That was all Kate. Well, what's funny about that sketch?

I don't know. I don't want to get too much into this. Wait, we're going to call it a sketch? Yeah, what's funny about it? Tell me. I've been trying to know. Crying, playing the piano? That was not. That was never at the table read that was that was something that was added none of the writers knew that was happening oh there was a bunch of different because they didn't really know what to

do for the cold open so a bunch there was a bunch of different ideas being thrown out that was not one of them i think you should have trump back on i agree he kept trying to push that. Yeah, get him. So tell me, how'd that happen? What, the Hillary cold open? I don't remember. I mean, we kind of saw it with everybody else. I mean, we were new writers at the time, so we were shut out from almost all rooms. Like, when you're a new writer,

you're treated like an absolute scum. It's just crazy that she played it as Hillary. Listen, I had the sticker on my laptop. I'm with her. I was depressed but but the the little bit of shtick added onto it was so strange I remember everyone

I was underslept at that job and you have to write a show ever at that job in two days I was talking to Kate right before she went on and she was like blowing her nose and like drinking water and I was like how do you feel right now and she was like like I'm about to take a big fucking swing and i was like yeah you're right you are right that's very true good luck uh i'm not doing it um but yeah that was a weird

weird week along with all weeks there i mean every week is impossible there don't do it don't go that's my advice to young writers. I'm like people like I'm working on my tape or like I'm going to test and I'm like, here's my advice. Don't do it. But if you get chosen to go, you have to go like that. You have to do it. And also don't do it. That's it. Listen, I'm not submitting this year. You're submitting. Yeah. Don't do it. You're going to have to do it if you go. You have to. I mean, don't do it. You're going to have to do it. If you go, you have to, but don't do it. It would help the podcast. Yeah. So I'm pro it. That's my,

my first foremost. Um, um, you just want, you're just hoping you can meet Nikki Haley. That's your main. I've always pegged you for Nikki Haley. Um,

let's just, I did because I want to leave. We've had so many SNL people on cause they're on a, on a break right now. Yeah. I, when you were in the bathroom, one of the things I asked is the alien story.

You shared with me the alien costume story. Oh, yeah. From the Thanksgiving episode? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Can you remind? Can you tell me? Yeah, sure. We were in the monologue.

Kristen Wiig hosted Thanksgiving episode. Okay, Brian will tell it. I'm going to throw it to you. And so we were in the monologue and Nick was an alien in the monologue and I was a wise man. There's just all these like random characters. Problem was Nick's makeup. Yeah.

So they would sometimes ask you, you know, they sometimes have the writers tag in. Yeah. And they were like, yeah, can you play an alien in the monologue? And I was like, yeah, sure. Great. I never said no once the entire time I was there. Yes. Whatever I need to do. And I go down to makeup and they're like, cool, we're going to put you in this makeup. And then, you know, we'll take, come back after dress rehearsal,

we'll take you out of it and then we'll put you in it again for the show. And I was like, great. And the makeup takes about an hour to get put in. And it is like way more involved than what I thought it was going to be. I have I'm painted blue. I have a blue, big blue prosthetic head. And they're like, yeah, it's it's huge. And I'm like, this takes a long time. They do it. We do the dress rehearsal.

I go back to get it taken off. And they're like, oh, you know what? It's just so much trouble. We're just going to leave you in it for the show. And I was like, OK okay please don't do that because one the writers during the show one in between dress rehearsal and the show you go to lauren's office everyone all the department heads all the writers all the cast the host everyone is in Lorne's office. Everyone who's not in the cast is wearing suits. Like writers dress up wearing suits.

Everyone looks normal. I'm like, I cannot go in that room. You also have like reserved spots in the room. Mine is the most center most spot in the room. And it's the most sober air too. Cause it's Lorne just going piece by piece. And if your sketch doesn't work, he's talking to you when you have to like

respond like that for him. And it's's like no one's laughing it's just very very it's dark yeah and it's like this was the um the cold open you're in so you do that in the dress rehearsal at 9 p.m and you were there for just hours and it was it was the monologue but yeah yeah yeah and so so yeah so i'm like i'm not going in there like too bad you you know you have to stay in the makeup so i'm just like i'm not going in there like too bad. You know, you have to stay in the makeup. So I'm just like, I'm not going to go in the room. I have to just kind of hang back. And I sort of just am staying outside the room and different people are like looking at me, you know, weird. And then I start to get a little bit of courage as like the meetings going on.

And I start to kind of like creep in and lean into the room. going on and I start to kind of like creep in and lean into the room and I make eye contact with with back Bennett who is like an old buddy of mine and I see him from across the room he's just kind of like checked out and out of it and I see him and then he sees me and he kind of like reacts and then I just slowly see his phone come up and he takes a photo and I'll see if I can find the photo is it better to show it just send it to him later or do you want to show it to the camera we'll get later to it

yeah I'm also in the photo just like staring at Lauren like you are not my comedy partner in this moment I'm like I don't know who this guy is what a crazy man dresses an alien yeah for this how dare you are there ever that's so funny are there any times that meeting is not the worst thing in the world like i mean if you have lauren's in a good mood i guess

that if you have if you have a sketch stuff anyways yeah if your sketch is going and it did great at dress you're gonna grin it's incredible yeah yeah because lauren will have very few notes or you know it's it's gonna be great if your sketch is on the side which means it's cut means nobody talks about it you never mention it again oh wow you don't have any mourning period it's just gone and you're just there so it's mainly like the ones that they're like we have to fix this somehow yeah exactly yeah we kind of go through what the show will be and just like a few notes like You only have a few minutes really to kind of get the notes and understand how it's going to work and move on. If you were to see Lauren on the street now, would you go, hey? I don't think he'd.

No. Literally, Monday pitch, he goes person by person. You basically pitch a sketch. You sit on the floor. The host sits in a chair, and it'll be John Marco, and you pitch a sketch to the host, and the host doesn't a chair and he'll be john marco and you pitch a sketch to the host and the host doesn't laugh and neither does anyone else and it moves on it's terrible but he would always call me nick and nick brian like it was just so like and we corrected him zero times i'd just be like hello margo robbie i am nick uh what if you were a

hippopotamus okay so here's the photo so you've, like, this is from Beck's phone in the middle of the room. You've got, like, there's Kenan. There's Streeter Seidel. There's Kristen Wiig. Alec Baldwin is, like, somewhere around in here. Orange to the right. There's Brian. And then if we gently zoom in on the upper left hand, you see me scared out of my mind.

This is the thing that no one will talk to me. Ooh, commercial. Theme song. Theme song. You're listening to The Downside. This is a long, cold open we just did. Oh, yeah, in the fashion of SNL. That was great.

They're too long. They're too long. And by the way, we talked about dated politics. We did it all, baby. We're back in SNL. In defense of the Hillary hallelujah thing, it was very short. We got in and out. Oh, man.

And you look back on the Rudy Giuliani Rudy Giuliani was the guy that apparently made comedy post 9-11 and it's just like and it was like that was Rudy Giuliani

that was Rudy what happened to that man I mean it was always there it was there nothing happened nothing happened it did get worse a little

it seemingly got it got a lot funnier yeah yeah I mean welcome to the Dallas for those those are the first time this is a place So little seemingly got it got a lot funnier. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I welcome to the Dallas over those. Those are the first time. This is a place where we celebrate negativity. We complain.

We bitch. We moan. We kvetch. I'm here with my co-host, Russell Daniels. If you're a fan of the show, join the Patreon, patreon.com slash downside. We actually today we're starting our live tour and footage of that will be exclusively on the. Oh, yeah. Today.

But today, very happy to have two phenomenal guests, two guests that I truly consumed right as I was getting into comedy. Like, really, like, you know, the love stage of comedy before you hate it with every fight you've been. Brian and Nick from Brightanic, welcome to the show. Thank you for having us, guys. Thank you. Thank you for being here. Happy to be here. I mean, I was getting, it's uh because i i didn't get really i was just acting

i was an actor actor yeah and then like 2015 ish is that when we did bachelorette show yeah that's when i started like getting into comedy and it was like i just would watch all the college humor sketches all your guys sketches all the above average. Lonnie, super into. I remember reading your piece. What's your friend who wrote Big Time in Florida? Alex. I loved Big Time in Hollywood, Florida. I was so good.

I remember reading like your article. Oh, yeah. About whenever your friend talk, whenever you hear him talk, it's father, yelling at you that he's not proud of you. You've made it, you made it a deeply personal. Yeah. I wrote, it was,

it was something that New York observer, I'd written an article for them before. And then they reached out to me and we're like, we love that article. Do you have anything more you want? Like some editor reached out and was like, I loved what you had written like months ago. Do you have anything in the TV world you would want to write? And I was like, I loved what you had written like months ago. Do you have anything

in the TV world you would want to write? And I was like, I don't, not really. And then I was like, oh, you know, I would, I could write this thing about my friend's show that's on the air. And I wrote, yeah, I made it deep. It was a review or a, a please go watch this show, but I did make it very deeply personal. because i was talking about my issues with jealousy with the show because we had had a comedy central pilot the like cycle after theirs yeah and so we were filming our pilot at the same time they had just finished shooting their first season and so i watched and then i we watched our pilot and i was really disappointed in how our pilot we didn't get to direct our pilot and we weren't thrilled with how it turned out. This was with

Natalie Palamides? Yes. She was cast as my little sister. Her first job. You guys have it somewhere? You got a link somewhere? We got a private Vimeo link. We've been thinking about what's going to happen.

Comedy Studios is not going to fucking sue us, right? No one's going to sue you. Who could? Who is that? Chris DiStefano, comic, he did a pilot for CBS or something.

He just put it on YouTube. We should just do that. And his manager, we had the same manager back in the day and I said, is that allowed? And he was like,

no, I told him not to do it. Nothing happened. Yeah, I think we should just put it on. I would watch that in a heartbeat. That's not what I'm worried about. I don't like it. He doesn't like it. but here's the thing enough people we shouldn't have enough friends and enough people have been like it's great guys yeah it's not to you it'd be fascinating

and i think writing wise i think it's really good i think it's really well if you're a louis ck fan you watch lucky lou if his hbo show even though it's because it's fascinating yeah and i think we give a little intro we go hire brian and nick we're 10 years later this is a show we give a little bit of uh whatever this is whatever and then it's fine that's gonna that's not gonna work well because in the show they made us do an intro to this we don't do that we just cut that out single cam everyone says cut that out we just cut that out and we're good what is it like meta yeah yeah they were like i'll tell you this is like we were we were like when they we were going through the script process with them we were sort of it was our first script i guess we'd sold and we were

like desperately trying to just be like little good boys so we took every single note that they gave and one of them was you know people america won't really know who you are what if you do something talking to the camera key and peel was very popular so it's like we love how they come out talk to the audience sure like well this is like a sitcom so how do we do that yeah and we were like sure great we'll just put that in even though what we should have said is no it's a single camera sitcom do you play yourselves in the show uh uh we play brian and nick but like not a heightened version of us but this is like real us and what we did was we called the first episode girlfriends because it was about us breaking up and getting back together with girls and we

we hired we had all of our ex-girlfriends fly to la we got in a white room with them like a void yeah the idea was we like kind of chatted with them well the idea was we scripted it because we were like the the joke was that we would talk to the camera and we would say like hi we're brian and nick so for like this episode tonight's episode is girlfriends or his relationships so we thought it'd be cathartic to get all our real life ex-girlfriends together in one room there they are we cut to them and then we had scripted all these bits where they are insulting the show every time we cut back to them and they're pointing out plot holes and we're getting annoyed at them. Oh, yeah.

And then Comedy Central was like, no, no, no, don't do that. Like, have it just be real. Like, just talk to them. And we were, and so. So we did that. You can't hear our producer made an audible. Oh, God.

Well, and another thing to know is that like, so Brian at this stage in his life had dated someone in third grade. Sixth grade. Sixth grade. For a day. For a one day. And then another girl he was like still actively like friends with or like was certainly a friend.

I don't know what the stage of your relationship was. I am chronically not in a relationship and Nick chronically is. So I had way more girlfriends. It was like way more girlfriends that was like way more intense. I had to like kind of reach to be like. I hadn't spoken to any of them since the breakup. Nick was like nervous on set.

You were like, oh hi, nice to see you. It's good to see you. Do you know, this is awesome. Megan Neuringer, a comedy writer. She had been sort of recommended of like, you know, we've got some extra money, like hire her to help punch up or whatever, help out with the script.

So she was there. I remember her coming up in between takes where we're just like improvising with all these girls who are like, one was an actor, two were actors and the rest were not. Yeah. And like, she was like, pulled me aside and was like, Nick, you have to, you look miserable. You look like you're being tortured. You did. And I was like, Nick, you have to, you look miserable.

You look like you're being tortured. And I was like, I am, this is not fun. This is intensely stressful. I remember the first time. Did anyone say no? Did anyone say no or they all came? One initially said no and then I talked her into it. My big one said no.

Your big one said no? From high school, you know who we're talking about. Hard no. Oh yeah yeah she like works in the industry now but i remember the end our director was like all right now boys go give them hugs that's like the last thing you guys you guys are friends with them now so i like i ran over and gave her one hug and you like walked over and like stopped and like hello so he was like what the fuck just give us a hug and you're like no yeah zoe was actually great in it like, what the fuck? Just give us a hug. And you were like, no, I don't want to. Yeah, Zoe was actually great in it. Like, it was the, that was like my biggest relationship.

Yeah. And also kind of the, maybe not the most, not the most fresh, but like definitely the most intense. And she's like really, really funny. And she was like giving me a really hard, like she was great on camera. Like all of the usable stuff is hers. We also filmed for like two hours. We had 17 usable seconds. Oh my God.

This is a lot. Were you in a relationship when you were doing this or both of you single at the time? I was single at the time. Okay, that's good. I just can't imagine. Come to my girlfriend and say, hey, do you have a shoot idea?

Nah, nah. Oh, my ex-girlfriend's there. You're gonna hate it when I talk to one ex-girlfriend. What if I got all of them together? Pay them all scale. That's a bad dream. Flow them out. There's a part of me, though, that sounds like it would be fascinating.

Yeah, we were in... But it's not really what we do. But it's not related at all to the thing. And you aren't established yet in the eye of the viewer, so you don't need to see someone torn down until you know them. And it's also like... You only have 22 minutes for this episode, eye of the viewer, so you don't need to see someone torn down until you know them. And it's also like, you only have 22 minutes for this episode, and it's like, it's such real estate, and we're like, what do we have to do with our dad's next episode? And then like our, like, because we're always going to have like a new person in our life,

I guess, in these like white void scenes. I could see that with my dad, and they'd be like, hug your dad. Yeah. No. It also was like, I think it would have been okay if we'd script, if we'd just done the scripted stuff. They just didn't like it because it was meta. Comedy Central wasn't into it. But I was like, that was like kind of funny and made sense.

It's just like, we're not Nathan Fielder. Like we're not good at like man on the street, like just like creating an awkward moment and like existing in it. We script out stuff and spend a long time on it. So it was really not in our element. So how do you, cause you know, I've always dreamed of having like a really good comedy partner. How do you deal with,

how do you guys react when there's like, when you found out the day it's not getting picked up? Like what is, how do you react differently? Do mourn together do you separate for your morning yeah we've had some big like that us getting fired from snl there have been some big like mourning moments i mean it's definitely nicer with a partner because you can kind of pick up the pieces and move on pretty quick and it's like i think if you're by yourself and you get a big rejection you feel like no one wants you and with a partner you're like well at least this guy didn't mostly didn't like brian we just pretend that the other person do some mental gymnastics i mean i

think for us for me at least i i kind of mourn separately like specifically both of those both getting fired from snl and the pilot not getting picked up the pilot not getting picked up was really hard it was like our first failure in a way like we'd had some minor ones but it's like we'd been on this trajectory and it was like everything had been to get a Comedy Central pilot and then get a show it was like that was our singular focus and we had tried selling them a script before and they hadn't taken that but so that wasn't it was like a failure but not you know it was like it's still a possibility yeah and then this felt like oh this road is fully closed for forever i mean we had a pilot there six years later so it obviously wasn't but right at the time it felt like that so it felt

like this it felt like this might be the end of the career. Right. Kind of. But I will say also, it does feel like with us, one person kind of takes one emotion. The other person sort of balances it out. Like if someone freaks out about something, the other person naturally won't freak out. They'll kind of be like, it's fine. It's fine.

It's fine. Like it's like relationships are kind of like that where both people can't be like in despair or like going crazy. It's like we kind of feel what the other person is feeling sometimes and sure just sort of find the balance of it we had uh i think you'd be okay if i talked about it my my friend douglas and i we react very differently to live show things like because i think also because of stand-up compared to sketch i do it every night so it's it's just like if i have a bad one i will have another one literally the next day or like 45 minutes later 45 minutes later yeah yeah um and it's it's just different if you're doing a sketch show yeah yeah yeah and over yeah so so

we had we had one show where it's just just rough rough audience and it was like we all flew there it was a thing right and and sometimes uh the mode would be i'm i'm already like fuck fuck man yeah fuck yeah and and for some others in the group it's like good show good show and then later at the bar you and i are very similar we're very similar like like in that way we're like no yeah shit you know what i mean yeah and then later in the bar like a couple hours someone goes yeah that one that didn't and like you you see them come down from it right right but right out the gate i think i'm in that dark place and if someone's like hey that was good i want to be like what are we gonna so we're gonna lie we're gonna lie we're just gonna lie and get through life with lying to ourselves well

it's interesting also with us when we perform live sometimes you know typically i think we're pretty synced up but like there will definitely be times where it's like i'll feel good about my performance and brian will feel bad about his and vice versa we've had that where i'm like that was like i'll leave it like that was one of our worst shows you'll be like that's fine i'll be like what the fuck are you talking about yeah that was like one of our it like that was one of our worst shows you'll be like that's fine i'll be like what the fuck are you talking about yeah yeah that was like one of our or like when i got drunk at stamp town i was like that was the best one we've ever done oh yeah like i hated that brian got so drunk for this stamp town it was important for me to do this in austin and i was just like that you can never do that again i was like i think i finally had fun for the first time

i think i discovered how to perform. And he said, you can never do that again. I left and I was like, I think it was our best set we've ever done. And Nick was like about to put a pistol in his mouth. Now, why? Well, I mean, it's for, so for this, so just so everybody understands, Stamptown is this variety show that's a very- Our friends, we've had, we have three clowns on in a row.

We talked them through it. Because of you guys. Part of you, you guys raved about it so much, and now I've become a big- It's the best. It's my favorite show to do and to perform at because it's always different. It's very chaotic.

It's a very living organism. And with that, there are certain Stamptown shows that are incredible, transcendent events. And then there are others that are horrific and like really bad and the audience hates it. Oftentimes... I want to go to one of those, by the way. I've seen two now and I want to see one of those. According to Zach Zucker

they're all that. He hates... He always thinks it's falling apart. I would say every tenth one is often... Like they happen a lot. And what I tell my friends who come is I'm like it's the sour that makes the sweet taste better. Is that this always has the possibility of going really bad. Yeah, it's the tightrope that makes it really fun.

We're walking the plank when we do it. So the way the role that we often I mean, sometimes we just do a sketch. But other times, like we've done something where we we kind of are the the the voice through which the audience might be like, yeah, we're the voice of reason. So we'll come out sometimes. And this sort of happened organically because we came out and we tried to start a sketch and all the fucking clowns in the show kept interrupting us. And we were just sound effects sort of fucking with us. And we didn't get to do it. We're just like screaming at them and insulting them.

And the audience like ate that. I loved loved it and then sometimes we'll do that and then we will go into a sketch and you'll feel the audience be disappointed because they're like oh this is so fun now they're gonna do something scripted our big thing is we often close the show and we come on and try to do a sketch and they just fuck with us as hard as they can and all the callbacks from the show come in and all the characters and all the sound effects and we don't get to do our sketch and so we have to play like really frustrated as real as possible that's our role the audience loves it and they think it's real every time yeah so for this one show that we're talking about it was it was during moon tower it was we did five stamp town shows while we were there and for one of them it was it was, Brian had gotten obliterated.

I wasn't that drunk. I was pretty tipsy, but I was like also just really getting mad at Zach. And I was like, I was kind of like wanting to burst out of this role that we kept having to, I was like, I'm kind of done playing this character that we can do. And he wasn't like listening to us.

So I was like, I just have to take matters into my own hands. And so I got drunk, put on eyeliner and wore leather jacket and showed up, which is not how I play this character on stage. So Brian starts coming out with a vodka soda and dancing during earlier sketches in the show. I just start showing up to this character

throughout the show. This character? What do you mean? There's no character, it's you. Having fun with the audience, making them play the family guy theme song and dancing with it and just having the time of my life.

And then they introduced these two sketch comedians who come out at the end and I'm one of them, which is like, they've already seen me having fun with the show. So like the idea

that I'm like mad at the show makes no sense anymore. So I was like, I'm just not going to be mad at the show. I'm going to be going along with it. I just forgot to tell you that I was going to do that. Well, yeah.

And that was an issue, I guess. Yeah guess yeah well it breaks the entire reality of the bit that we're like annoyed that the show is interrupting us because it's like well one of us is now become one of these interruptions yeah i just sort of became one of the club i like lighted on the ground and started like playing with a plan singing a song and like dancing along with the audience and nick was not having a great time, but I really was. And so that's all that matters. Because when you're on alcohol.

On alcohol. Be the mom from Almost Famous. You know, enjoy yourself. Yeah. I think it's amazing to have, that you guys have worked together as closely as you have for so long. I mean, it feels so fucking rare. It's amazing to have that you guys have worked together as closely as you have for so long. I mean, it feels so fucking rare.

It's yeah. I mean, the famous duos. First of all, they it feels like they kind of went away when comedy clubs stopped. Like, you know, George Carlin was in it, was in a duo. I forget what he was and he eventually left. But Nichols and May, of course. Yeah. And then what's George Costanza's father Jason Alexander

not Ben Stiller Jerry Stiller and his wife sketch groups and improv groups normally have a pretty short lifespan like we started at UCB in 2008 and all the big sketch groups there and improv groups we looked up to none of them are together anymore

or that maybe they kind of are especially in comedy they are often used as a vehicle to like just launch the career like no very few times are people thinking we're gonna do this for forever it's like they're oftentimes like you know it's we were talking about this the other night because it's like bands too we just saw stereophonic or i just saw stereophonic and it's like you know it's these the group dynamics and all this stuff and it's there is this in inherent fear and i think a duo in a group of any sort of like who's gonna go solo when's harry styles gonna just break out and do their album and so there's this weird baked in almost expiration date. And I think with us, it's the reason that we've gone on as long as we have is because, I mean, it's like a romantic relationship.

It's like a sibling relationship and a romantic relationship. And you have to kind of like do that level of work on it. And I think. Have you ever had any couples counseling? Not with a therapist or anything. Do you ever have a moment of like, I don't know if this is working or revisiting? Well, we used to have once a year,

we'd take Molly into a State of the Union address. Oh, yeah. That was in our mid-20s. Yeah, because then it's like, I love you. I'm sorry when this happened. And then it became like every month we did Molly. I don't know if you guys remember the early 2010s in New York. It was like, we're all doing too much Molly.

What's happening here? It's before the Silk Road shut down. Yeah. You can trace it because then the Molly all became meth. And it was like, we were like, we got to stop this. This has become a different drug lovey conversations when we're fighting each other but so what if we fuck a dog together like this state of the union has gone off the rails i think like the key like the thing

that has been really that's helped us it i think it's like there's a bunch of different reasons one is like there hasn't been too much pressure like one we've never said no we've never said out loud this isn't working this this needs to end or anything like that or really had any like huge big blow-up fights but we've kind of given each other space to go do separate things like we don't put a lot of like i think early on there was at least on my part there was like fear of like is is Brian going to like our new live show is very much about this sort of inherent nature and relationship of a duo and the fear of one of them leaving. Sure. And like it's, you know, there was a lot of that early on. was a lot of that early on then it was like you know we kind of did some separate stuff you know explore different things but we're always still doing it kind of casually and then and for me at

least it's like going and writing something separately or doing something separately i always was just like it's not as good as the like yeah you know when the whatever it's the magic of when we work together we do i think really elevate we create something that's impossible because we because we fight viciously about the creative sure yeah i think in terms of comedy specifically it's just like because there's been times where one of us has almost gotten like the lead on a show or something that always scared us but we never really wanted those like the money sounded great but like in terms of like actual comedy that we want to do that makes us laugh we've never liked anything more than what we create together so it's like there's been no

other partner or no other project that has been more attractive than what we do when we create a sketch or show sometimes i remember just how most TV, most films suck. Yes. Tove and I, we had the night off, and we decided to watch the Hitman movie. Oh, yeah. And I'm watching it for 10 minutes, and I'm like, I think this sucks. I think this sucks. I think this is like a shitty Netflix movie where everyone got a big, fat paycheck,

and no one put their heart into it and I don't buy this guy as a nerdy philosophy teacher. He's a gorgeous model. I cannot, I can't. And by the end, I mean, we were totally gone. It was just such a reminder of like most things outside of your own creation.

You join and you go, this blows. You think you're going to make great comedy and then suddenly Hillary Clinton is playing Hallelujah and you go, this blows. You think you're going to make great comedy, and then suddenly Hillary Clinton is playing Hallelujah, and you go, what did I sign up for? The other thing that I think is interesting just about the duo nature and the fighting and creating stuff is we're working with a director for the first time ever for our live show.

And what we said to her, and it's immediately a fantastic fit and i think because we kind of you know now we're like 15 years in we kind of know our working relationship and something we said up top is like and she's very much from the theater world her name's ashley rod bro and she's a musical theater director on broadway yeah she's amazing yeah and that's what we wanted we kind of were, we don't really want a comedian. We're like, we know like we can handle that. What we need to help with is like literally like, where do I stand on stage? Yeah. And what we said to her early on was like, look, this, you know, this ultimately you are kind of, you have input,

but this is very much not your show like you and you can't be a tie breaker like if there's an idea that we're fighting about you basically need to let us go to war about this idea because what always happens is it's like i want option a brian wants option b we both fight for those things and then eventually we, the other one doesn't give up and we have to come up with option C and that is always better than those first two. Yeah. When people ask, cause people asked us like,

how do you find a duo? Or I'm trying to start a group or a duo with my person from my improv group or this person. And I'm like, you have to be willing to fight viciously with the person all the time. And you have to be real, like we're both incredibly stubborn with our ideas, which I think is important or else like,

I know some duos where one person is like, I do everything. They just let me kind of do it. Like if one person, if the balance isn't right in stubbornness, then one person will just take over all the work. Of course. What about being honest with each other when something's bad?

Well, that's another. It's important to do that. I think that's the hardest thing. That's the hardest thing. I think I have other friends, like when they send me their screenplay, I'm like, I'm not going to give you real feedback here. I'm going to go, good, good, good. Great. Like, I feel that way with almost everyone. Are you doing a disservice? Yes, I am.

But it's so hard. If you're in a partnership, it's so different than a friend that you're not in a partnership with. Yes, it's so hard. If you're in a partnership, it's so different than a friend that you're not in a partnership. Yes, it's hard. You're right. It's the most important thing. But we can do that easily. And you need to be able to hear it, too.

You need to be able to hear that's not funny. And I think the first few sketches we wrote, we kind of, we didn't, you know, like I wrote one, Brian wrote the other. We kind of like punched them up a little bit, but we didn't like like it was like around our fourth fifth sketches where we the fights really started and at first it was really it is like you hear i don't like this and you're like i'm bad you think i'm bad my i don't have inherent value because of that and then over time you kind of go okay this is a person who has signed up to do this to live this creative partnership with me like they like me they trust me they respect me they just don't like this joke and so when you have internalized that you can go cool it's just a joke yeah all right let's move on or you you

know be like you don't get it let me convince you of it yeah it doesn't really affect me at all anymore when you say no because i just assume you're always going to say no. When you say yes to something, I know you really like it. There's no time when you say yes, where still fall on them, where it's like, I'll pitch something. I'll be like, I mean, this won't work, but here's this idea. And Brian will be like, yeah, that won't work because of the logic. And I'm like, well, no, logically it's fine, but it won't work, it doesn't work,

and I don't think it's right. And he's like, well, yeah, because logically it doesn't work. And I'm like, no, it's not wrong for the reasons you're saying it's wrong. And then it's like, that's a 30 minute fight. Here's the best version that we've ever had. We were talking about something and Nick was pitching something.

And I was like, I don't think it works. And he was like, yes, it does. And I was like, I don't think so. And then the metaphor I just used off the cuff was like, I feel like this is like a Jackson Pollock painting right now. It's like a mess. And Nick was like, Jackson Pollock is one of the finest painters of the 20th century.

Oh, you mean one of the most celebrated successful painters of all time? I'm like, I think people say that, but I think people don't actually like him. I think he's like, and Nick was like, no, he's not. He's actually brilliant. And we're now arguing over whether or not Jackson Pollock is ours. And neither of us have any opinion on Jackson Pollock whatsoever.

But we have to use the knowledge of what argument we can use for him to use for the argument of our piece. Another thing that'll happen, this happens way more than you'd think, is I'll pitch this idea. Like, what if the character's wearing this silly hat? And Brian's like, no, that's not good.

And I'll be like, I think it could work because of whatever. And Brian's like, oh, actually, it could work because of that. Yeah, he could wear a silly hat. And I'm like, actually, actually I know I think it's too silly and then I'm fighting against an idea I gave Brian

yeah it's a miracle you get anything done it really is well we're pretty slow famously we have about 20 sketches online after 15 years so well let me I mean do you ever get

Because part of me I want to like I was like well you're coming on as a duo You do a lot of podcasts as a duo And do you ever Like I have individual things I saw you do stand up once Way back when I was early on in stand up Oh yeah

I'd love to hear about We've never had anyone talk about Their experience with Accutane and acne. And I can tell you lots about that. Yeah. So when you were younger, when did you start having trouble with acne? I mean, it's interesting because I didn't notice it for a long time on myself. Like this definitely had some sort of psychological effect on me.

Cause I, apparently my nose had a ton of blackheads. Oh, I've never in my life. I've never really understood blackheads. I've never noticed them on myself. I don't see them in other people. I'm sort of like,

but my mom would be like, like, God, your nose is full of blackheads and have me lie underneath like a light on bed and and she would like pick them out of my nose and it was so painful and i hated it and i was like i don't like stop i don't notice this yeah and she had had really bad acne as as a child and so she was i think very sensitive about. And so she was, I think, very sensitive about it. And so she was constantly talking about my acne. Uh-huh. Great. And buying me all sorts of special creams. Oh, yeah. And I

was just like, I don't care. I don't notice this. That's fine. And then one day in high school, I think I was like 15 freshman year. I was like, oh, this is not ideal. I see a lot of pimples on my face. Pimples now as well. What? Blackhead and pimples. Yes. Okay. The pimples are what I started to notice.

I still don't notice blackheads at all. Yeah. But like I noticed a bunch of pimples and then I got really obsessed with it. And it was like really bad. I had like cystic acne on my face and on my back it was like i was very i was scared to take my shirt off because there was it was it was so bad on my back there's still crazy scars on my shoulders like it looks like i've been tortured um yeah and then i yeah i went on accutane i've like tried literally everything

tried hypnosis hypnosis yeah everything i tried i tried acupuncture hypnosis positive thinking use that remember they had clear cell and it was like you try to find your skin color and you try to like cover oh it was not makeup yeah it would not oh yeah yeah i became excellent yeah nick knows doing makeup because i like i would and it wouldn't really work i also just there was so much trial and error i remember like god there's just so much with my skin i would i would try someone told me at this camp i feel like this was a fucking prank an older woman told me you know because i went to this acting a fucking prank an older woman told me you know because i went to this acting camp and she was like you know your skin is going to be a problem

for agents and i was like great love to hear it who said that and she she was like you know what well now i regret saying her name maybe bleep name. I think she's pretty litigious. She's pretty litigious because she's abused so many kids over the years. Yeah. Well, get ready for this. What she said was she was like, you know what? You could try. Uh-oh. And she's like, you could try. I've heard this works.

Urine. And she's like, what you do is you're going to pee into a bowl in the early morning. Early morning important. And she's like, what you do is you're going to pee into a bowl in the early morning. Early morning important. And then you rub it all over your face and then you have to leave it on all day. All day. Nick, you smell like piss. I know, but

I'm beautiful, right? And I did that exactly one day. It did nothing and I was like, this was a prank. So people stay so far away from you they don't see the effect. I did that exactly one day. It did nothing. And I was like, this was a prank. She just got me. so far away from you, they don't see the F. Yeah, that's possible.

Yeah. So I was like, functionally here. Piss boy for a day. You peed in a bowl? Where'd you get the bowl? You're at camp. What do you mean a bowl?

You take it from the cafeteria? No, no, this wasn't a camp. There's no bowls at camp, famously. Yeah. No,

I had roommates at camp. I did not do it at camp. I did it at school. That's happened later, right? Yeah. Because I was like, I didn't immediately leap to it. I just was like, did you do it at camp. I did it at school that fall. Oh, this happened later, right? Yeah, because I was like, I didn't immediately leap to it.

I just was like, did you Google it? I tried everything else. No Google all the time. Well, I guess there was, but. There was, but I wasn't asking it questions. I was looking at nothing but porn and that was that. Oh man, how many kids did she give that advice to? I don't know.

That's her, yeah. Wow, a kiss on your face. So that didn't work. Smelliest acting class of all time. And then, yeah, I went to, I took Accutane, which is, so Accutane is a pill you take every day. It's very large. It comes in packaging that has a pregnant woman

with a big X through it, because it is like, they're like, you cannot get pregnant on it. Like every, they don't just have like, oh, you're a woman, here's the box that has the, it's like every single pill has like no, no pregnancy because it horribly mutates the child. Like there's photos that they show you.

You also have to get your blood tested once a month to make sure your liver's not failing. And they're like, one of the side effects is suicidal depression but i remember you saying that didn't bother you because what definitely gave you suicidal depression like oh this might give me suicidal depression you know it certainly gives me suicidal depression is the fact that i look like fucking indiana jones at the end of the the i look like i looked at the Ark of the Covenant or whatever. Your face is falling off. Yeah. And, um... Did it work?

Yeah, it did. Yeah, it seems like it was really, really effective quickly. And you just do it for a segment of time. And the idea is you only have to do it once in your life. I've done it four times in my life. Oh my god. Yes. When was the most recent? Uh, it's been a while thank god it was um

i don't know it would have been probably my late 20s i think yeah last time i did it wow do you have any suicidal thoughts as you did it you know most there was only one point like the final time that i took it it was never like suicidal thoughts but i was like i'm really depressed and i don't know why and i was like talking to friends about it and then and then someone was like were you on any medication that like might be causing it and i was like no just uh the accutane that's oh my god just like the most like disruptive to your system pill that can exist. That's fucking brutal, dude. Yeah, and then it was terrible, but I do recommend AccuTank. If it took

10 years off my life, I'm like, yeah, worth it. There's nothing worse than your middle school with the pimples and the back pimples. Oh my god, I had them all on my shoulders too. You did? It just went away eventually? It was also a time when With the pimples and the back pimples. Oh, my God. I had them all on my shoulders, too. You did?

Yeah. Oh, yeah. And they just went away eventually? Yeah. It was also a time when, like, your guy friends are being really, like, people kept, like, coming and doing that pressure point thing. Oh, yeah. Why do kids love that? They love that thing.

Oh, my God. The pressure point. Pressure point, yeah. Like, a pus-filled wound that they're doing it to it was horrible it was a horrible memory to share but my father had bacne later in life and I remember his half sister for whatever reason

their relationship allowed her to pop the pimples on his back whatever Italian and I just remember one time she popped a pimple and it was like a noodle came out no don't say noodle. Oh God.

That's so, I can see it. Like a packet of ramen. And so you're watching. I was there for some, I was horrified. The whole family's there for this. So she was doing this in front of guests? He would like, she like worked for him kind of like as like a secretary

and as my dad's secretary as I want to do. Living room? Where are we here? Living room. She could have been around the house. She made herself at home. The office is in the basement. He works from home.

He has his own company from home. And he was lying down on the nice rug. Oh, God. On the floor. Takes off his wife beater. And then this one, she was like was like whoa and pulled this thing out stop noodle

the word noodle Tova likes poppin pimples she has that OCD whatever thing she watches the videos I like it with mine like if I'm in a mirror bathroom alone I can watch mine and it's very satisfying but anyone

else's i don't i don't want to see every girlfriend i've had has enjoyed popping like black heads and or ingrown hairs is it because they remind you of your mom that's why i don't enjoy it but you also didn't enjoy it when i am so But it is an argument that I'm dating my mother. You're chasing people that you hate popping your blackheads. And for your segment. Talk to me. How many doers have we had? We had Girl God, but you weren't here, and Grace was kind of the co-host for that.

Yeah. We had one other. We had someone else. I can't remember now. The faster money and data move, the further your business can go to a seamless digital

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Yep, like a flavorful fusion. Precisely. When is the gallery opening? It already has. Experience the Cajun Ranch McCrispy today for a limited time only at participating McDonald's in Canada. You went to a Montessori school? You've done your research. I have. And I always think if I have a kid, which this world, other than my natural hesitations of having

a kid now, now I have this extra thing of like this world, we're going to bring in more. I think I'm riding it hopefully to the end. You're right. But if I have a kid, I'm always like, I think about school and I go I could never send my kid to traditional school. Montessori seems good

knowing very little about it in heart. Did it prepare you for life? Okay, so that's a great question. I loved school. I loved it. I don't know if it prepared me that well, but I had a great time.

Sure. But I don't know if my school prepared me very well. And I had a bad time. There you go. Everything I've heard about it makes me agree with you that I'm like, yeah, Montessori seems like it. I'll tell you one thing, a tangible thing that it has made Brian very good at is quick math. Oh, yeah.

I loved math. Well, so I went when I was six, first grade through eighth grade. Our school did like a experimental middle school, which there weren't a lot of middle school Montessori schools. So that one was kind of like maybe I should have been doing more high school. When I went to high school, I'd like never had homework, never called a teacher by their first name or by their last name. Like everything was like very much a shock to my system. But first through sixth grade, every day was like, go explore child. There's like so many different, like, it's a very visual school. So it's like, you want to learn math. Here's an abacus. Here

are these like beads that tell you the multiplication tables. Here's these racks and tubes. And what is it just a room and they go count? Yeah. Go count some things. Or it's like you have like a group project you're doing and you work on the floor on mats. And like you I mean, I can't really remember how they scheduled the day. It felt kind of free flowing, but you were encouraged to go figure out what you like to do and really do it and so if you were a there were definitely some kids that were like i don't have to do anything fucking awesome i won't they often got asked to leave but if you were like a curious kid and you wanted to do stuff and i just loved math i guess i was just like constantly doing it

and trying to excel to like the next grade level the next grade level and i was sort of allowed to kind of like move at whatever speed so were there books as well aside from the loose abacus yeah yeah there's a just a pair of dice we bet like sailors all day isn't that what school is just for loose cigarettes um yeah i mean their book their textbooks their reading books we had a silent reading time every day for an hour you would have loved that yeah loves reading um i uh yeah and then i i i can't really then we there's geography i mean there's everything but like it just didn't you didn't sit at desks and they didn't seem to have like formalized times for um like classes and the teachers roaming and just like kind of just roam and sort of chat and check in and a lot of nature stuff.

We'd go on these like nature trips and learn how to camp and like, you know, make our own like fires and like get tea from this birch wood root and all this stuff. It seems like a system that would be very easily corrupted by like the wrong kid. Yeah, I think so.

Like the wrong kid could come in there and just run the place. Yes, for sure. Yeah, I think so. Like the wrong kid could come in there and just run the place. Yes, for sure. Yeah. But skills like making a fire, these things, I wish. I just think of all the classes that I have no memory.

I took Latin. Right. I don't remember a lick of it. Yes. Math up to a certain point, don't remember a lick of calculus. Yeah, yeah. Don't remember trigonometry.

I didn't really learn any history. I don't know anything. I'm just, I'm reading. Yeah, but I learned a fake version of history. There you go. I learned a version where this thing worked and democracy. Yeah, I mean, it was a really, it was like a very kind and gentle school.

I loved going to school. I felt very nurtured. I lived in a bubble. And so I think in that way, it doesn't prepare you for life so much. Cause like we talk about this a lot where Nick is always like, isn't it so great that childhood is over and we're adults now? And I'm like, wait, what do you say that? No, it's he's reversing it.

What happens more often is Brian goes, don't you wish you could just be a kid again? Yeah. And I go, no, I don't. I guess I instigate it. Good goddamn riddance to that time in my life. I have such fond memories of being a child that like, which sounds good, but I'm just now chasing it as an adult. What do you hear?

You're like, don't you miss having pimples on your back all day? You're like, no, that was the worst. I was bullied for most of it. And then like in high school, things got started getting better for me. But like everything before high school, I just remember being scared and attacked so much and i had like my parents were great they were they did a good job just because of the acne or no i had big old glasses and i was weak and i was like very my therapist had me read this book

like a year ago nick loves this book she's like we'd been working together for like years and she'd never like diagnosed me with anything and she was like i want you to read this book and see if you connect with this and it's called the highly sensitive child and she's like don't read there's one for adults she's like you've come up with so many coping mechanisms i don't think you'd connect with the adult version but she like, I think you're a highly sensitive child. And I read the book and I went, I've never, I've been dragged for filth by this book. It's a perfect, like, I was like, I connect with this so much.

And I had my mom read it and I was like, do you think this is me? And my mom was like, yeah. Wait, I want to read it now. It seems a little passive aggressive after years of therapy to say, oh, Oh, Hey,

can you read this book? Open wound piece of shit. It was so great. Cause I was like, Oh my God, this makes so much make sense about my life. What did it say that you were like, wow, what this,

the idea of this is, and like who, this could be a pseudoscience. I don't know. Really. I haven't done any research to really know what the scientific community thinks of this. But the book presents it as this is a temperament.

This is a temperament that 25% of people have. So like I've told oftentimes, so when I read the book, anytime I'm reading a book, I become insufferable because all I'm doing is talking about that book to people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was telling like a group of 10 people about this book

and describing it. And it was funny because like eight of them were like, what? And then two people were like, this is me. And you're like 25% bingo right there. Statistically, this is correct. It's also so weird when you bring it up because no one, everyone's like highly sensitive child. Like you don't project as that at all.

Well, cause I've come up with so many coping mechanisms. This is what happens a lot. People put a mask on that's the opposite of who they actually are because they go the opposite direction. And then people are so confused by, it's weird because it's like, you don't get the need that you need from people

because you are actually showing them the other fake version of you. So you don't get what you actually need in response. So like, oftentimes, also like, I have a number of friends who are like, you've been like, you've been touched by the autism brush or whatever. And Nick is very poetic friends.

We, as a generation, cause I do it too. We all do. We got to figure out what we're doing with the word autism. Because it has come to me, we got to have some new words. It feels like we lost, we lost Asperger's

and now it's just autism. It's on the spectrum. They're just like, everyone's on the spectrum. Everyone's on the spectrum. Everyone who annoyed you slightly or was lightly rude to you is on the spectrum.

So, but anyhow, it's a running joke of people, like it's not uncommon for people to be like, you're on the spectrum. So, but anyhow, it's a running joke of people, like it's not uncommon for people to be like, you're on the spectrum, right? Where I'm like, you're too comfortable with me to be saying that. But so this is oftentimes misdiagnosed as autism.

And one of the reasons is it's like eye contact. You don't like eye contact. And I hate eye contact. I'm doing it now because I'm thinking of it. But I don't like it, but not for the same reasons that autistic people don't like it. Autistic people like have no use for it, I think to some extent, because they're like,

I don't, you know, I'm not reading facial expressions or I don't know what these mean. Whereas for the highly sensitive people, it's too much information. You're like too, and I'm like very, cause I was like, I don't think I'm autistic. Cause I am so hyper aware of everyone's little like expression in something. And I'm like, Oh, does that mean they don't like me? Or, Oh, they're getting bored or something like that. So like, that's one, the one part of it, there's also like, you know, it's,

it's, you know, it manifests as shyness a lot. Like you, you really, you don't take up a lot of space. You like kind of hang back and need to like get the feel of things and then you can participate more. And then you can kind of thrive in that environment once you understand it. I'm checking off all my boxes as we go along. Another way it manifests in children a lot is literally high sensitivity to physical stimulus. Like sometimes it manifests as like you're sensitive to light. For me, a big thing was like the seams on socks.

I would scream as a child if I felt like the sock seam on my toes. Like my mom bought all different types of socks trying to like find a pair that I would wear but then i you get like some people i got over that i don't have that or as much anymore and yeah i don't know there's like a bunch of other things that i'm not remembering right now but it was like crazy to read this book. What have you changed about your life since reading this? Nothing, I just understand it. He talks about it a lot. Well, it's one thing.

Oh, and then another thing is you're really sensitive to like tones. So it's like the way you discipline a child who's highly sensitive, they're like, you don't, they're like, it's really important not to yell at that kid. Like some kids it's like to cut through the noise, you need to like give them a shock to their system

and be like, hey, that's not okay. Doing that to a highly sensitive child is like, is kind of traumatizing. Cause they're like, they really feel attacked and you can, they're like, these kids are able to understand consequences. So you can just explain to them, like, here's why you

don't do that. It's and and that was like a huge thing for me as a kid is I was like, like people, you know, I would often feel yelled at by adults when it wasn't necessarily that. And so it's like really a problem when you have a highly sensitive child and the parent is not highly sensitive. My mom was like, I'm also this. And she was like, and I think your father is too. And my mom was really patient with me and didn't like force me to like eat foods. I didn't like, that's another thing. She, she didn't really yell and like her father, like did the opposite with her. Like she was often times forced to eat food she didn't like. And there was like, it was strict and there was no allowance made for this and so it's it's and then it's also like and then in relationships

like i did one of my ex-girlfriends i was just constantly like you're being so mean to me and she was like from a family where it's just constant yelling yeah and she's like no this is just this is just how we talk and it's like that's a really bad fit for me. My therapist did the same thing. We're three years in. She's like, I have a book for you. It was called, she's like, you're going to laugh at the title. It's pretty cheesy.

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. It's so good. Because I am that boy. No, it was called No More Mr. Nice Guy. It was written in the 80s. And I was like, okay. And she was like, just get past the title and read it yeah and she's like and it was one of those things where i was like i read that book and i was like oh my god i feel so like seen in like kind of a bad way but it's

about people who are like too nice and it's like nice people have built this thing like they're nice which means they're a good person you're actually a bad person and here's what he's like here's what nice people do because they don't get their needs met because you just agree to everyone oh yeah sure i'll do that and like you want people to like you you sit every time you want to say something in response you kind of sit on it or you like you you don't get your needs met because you let other people do it you actually like keep that down and you find passive aggressive ways to actually be mean and you don't even know you're doing it. And there's this list of like, here's what nice people actually do. And there's this list of things where I was like, oh my God, I do all of these things

unconsciously and I had no idea. And it was like, there's another friend of ours who's very similar to me in this way. And it's like, these are all his like negative flaws too. And I was like, I've given it to him many times. And he's like, many times. Many times? Many times? Every birthday? I'm picturing the bookstore clerk is like, you're buying this book again?

I was like, take this. Trust me, you need it. The only book my therapist ever got me was a book called How to Live with OCD. But the problem is if I read any of the odd pages, my mom will die. I love it. I love it

what a great joke go to therapy there's a way we're different you have no interest in therapy you've never been I've never been I'll go at some point no you won't do you feel like

is life just moving grooving for you everything's pretty good sometimes yeah he knows how to have a good time i know i know how to relax um uh but i do struggle with periods of things obviously everyone anxiety or depression things but not in a way that ever feels like it's meaningful or lasting yeah i feel like i'm pretty good what would your book be called though though? What do you think the book would be? I don't know. I mean, I think that I probably would get that book, The Nice Thing.

Because I feel like I've gotten better about it, but my avoidance to conflict is so extreme that I would rather just never see a person again than have to have any sort of thing. I think I'm kind of the worst version of i think i think i'm kind of the worst version of this because i don't think i'm being i think i'm repressing the conflict and the anger and expressing myself but i'm not being nice alongside that i'm being kind of neutral and existing and then also being passive aggressive yeah um yeah i mean well if it's if

it's a thing worth fighting for like if it's something that I'm like, oh, then I do. But there's times where I'm like this. I'd rather just not know you anymore with certain things than have a fight about it. Yeah. Oh, yeah. A mental breakdown will blindside you one day. Don't worry. It'll happen.

You'll know. I think I was so skeptical about therapy when I was younger because my dad was in therapy. And I was like, well, this clearly doesn't work. The noodle guy? No, no, no. Phil, you got to get all those noodles out of him first. Yeah, you can have bad therapy. I had a bad therapist

when I was a kid. Tons of people have bad therapy. You have conversations with friends sometimes and they'll tell you what their therapist is saying and you're like, that's your bad therapist. Yeah, because anyone can be a therapist. Yeah, it's a low bar. they start diagnosing everything everyone in their life I think we've also reached the point I feel like we've reached

certainly a oversaturation of therapy with better help and all these things where now I I do I do see how people go well this is bullshit you're just using this to like be a child or not we've also reached a critical mass

of like people using therapy speak to justify everything like just like we were talking about everyone's on the spectrum someone said on twitter today they said autistic people often find themselves cheating because they can't recognize the cue that starts a relationship

it's like taken to its extreme, it's like, well, then we're just back to normal of nothing's an excuse for everything. Here's what I think about. Both my parents are psychologists, by the way, which is also crazy. But like, I think there's sort of two big steps of therapy. One is the first step is when you go, you start recognizing and seeing things that you've been doing patterns. Maybe you're diagnosed with something and you see it it's the first step is seeing it the next step is doing a lot of work

to move away from that and i think a lot of people do that first step where they go oh i'm codependent hey i'm codependent like you get you tell everyone all the time you're like that's why i do these things and you feel so good that you're able to label what you do and you have a reason for it. It's because my dad did this. And that feels like, it feels like healing, but then you don't do anything else. You just sort of say you're codependent the rest of your life. And then you just use it.

You're like, no, because I did that because I'm codependent. It's just like going, my room is messy. It's messy. It's like, clean it. I like, I do couples counseling. And I look back, I look back on one long relationship I had previously and I'm like

oh yeah couples counseling would have done a lot couples counseling I think would be great I've always wondered and I know it wouldn't work with friends

couples counseling you go to couples counseling because it's like well we're doing everything together so we gotta talk about this but I always wonder what couples counseling would look like

with a really good friend yeah Russell said because I said let's do it let's do an annual couples counseling but it felt like that would just be like my therapist and i we start doing what i said i wasn't going to use his therapist because i'm no no you know we can't we have to yeah yeah you know what i'd say he already knows what's wrong with you yeah i don't think i don't i would say either you either got to do it whole hog or don't do it at all it's like don't scratch the surface that's true of it i mean like i don't know that that's actually good advice but i'm like that's no because then well my therapist says the worry about i'm seeing her once every two weeks now

is that it just becomes an information dump yeah uh this is what happened yeah yeah and there's also like my therapist i i really got to a point where i was like we can't talk about anything business related partially because everything that happens in this in this business it is emotionally shitty and traumatizing but that could take up the whole thing it just sucks we have to deal with how i respond yeah not the facts of the is that picture real from instagram yeah that i think where your wife was on set yeah and came to couples counseling in full makeup yeah yeah that's the funniest fucking picture yeah i've ever seen in my life it's a zoom couples counseling uh-huh but but his wife was in uh which

she's in the guardians of the galaxy movies and she's she plays an alien and much like me very similar look it's a very similar story in fact of she you know her character is she's in full blue prosthetics it takes four hours for her to to get into this and we were in couples counseling and we had been uh you know we'd had like a number of sessions but she had had to keep missing them or canceling them last minute and then i would just be and i would go to the session alone and i have my own therapist and i was and she doesn't have a therapist and i was just like this is ridiculous like i like my therapist more like i don't need to like have this other person giving me a whole separate therapy session.

Yeah. And so I so I was getting annoyed at her canceling. I was like this like you can we do this? Like I don't want to keep doing this if you're if you're not going to do it. And so she was like and she had forgotten that she had scheduled this on a day she was shooting. So I'm in the session, she's 15 minutes late. I'm like talking to the therapist, you know, about whatever. And then it's like, well, and she pops in

and she's in full blue makeup. And I was like, okay, I can't, come on. And then we tried to do couples therapy for like 15 more minutes. And the therapist said like, well, why don't you look at Karen and say to her what you're thinking and I was like I

cannot right now she's beautiful she's an alien oh my god yeah let's go to our next segment this has got to stop this has got to stop this has got to stop this is where we talk about something that needs to go away big small personal broad whatever you like Russell do you This has got to stop. This has got to stop. This is where we talk about something that needs to go away.

Big, small, personal, broad, whatever you like. Russell, do you have a this has got to stop? Oh, let me pull up. You go first. Let me pull up my list. Oh, okay. Okay, I'll do my this has got to stop. This has got to stop. Emails from John fucking Fetterman coming through right now.

I get so many emails from all these Democrats. What's he say? What's he telling you? John Fetterman? I mean, it's just all these things. It said scary stuff was the subject line now. Ghosts. Scary stuff.

Sorry, it's not loading now. Mummies. Go for it. I'll load this. I think sometimes with stand-up, people like people after the show, they want to neg me. They think we have a negging relationship.

And one that really bugged me recently was someone wanted a picture after a show and as their friend was taking the picture, they said, oh, you're so funny, but Josh Johnson is still my favorite. And I was like, ugh. And I.

Are you funny? What's going on? And Mr. Nice Guy and me, I don't do anything. And I know one day. I know one day I'm going to snap. I know one day. And it's going to be while a fan is filming or taking a picture. And I'm going to snap.

And it's going to be. I do worry. Not that I'm going to be so successful that I'll come crash., not that I'm going to be so, so successful at all. Congratulations. But like I, I, I'm a public yeller. Yeah.

Um, usually not at people. That's like the one thing I changed from my father is I make it like, you know, at the sky, right. The onstage into a microphone, onstage into a microphone,

at the printer, at the table, like something inanimate, but it's loud and it's cursey. And, and that's going to happen one day. It'd be like, someone will do that to me. I'll go, Josh is great. And then I'll like stub my toe and go, fucking,

and I'll just lose it. You'll shout at the 500 people who've done it up to that person. But yeah. Yeah. So, so enough, enough. I had someone after a show or like something that people were saying for a period of time.

I was like, how do you think that went to me? I was like, don't, you can just not talk to me. How do you think that went? I'm like, well, I now know how you think that went. So they go, sorry, that audience was so, it was so tough. And I'm like, well, I thought it was a good show. It's seriously scary stuff By John Fetterman

It seriously has two asterisks on either side of it But I've continued to get Jeff Fetterman is the guy The sweatpants douchebag You used to do a good impression of him right after the stroke Yeah I keep getting these emails from

I keep getting Biden emails from this guy. Stop. I keep getting Biden emails every day now with his picture and he does not use the right name. He's not calling me. It's it was right at one point. It was, Hey Russell. The other day I got,

Hey D it's Joe. Do you think they wanted the text to reflect his mental deterioration? Hey D, Joe, hope I didn't catch you too early it came at 2 p.m that text came through at 2 p.m hope i didn't catch you too early um i don't know what's happened i don't i i never used to get this many texts i get three texts a day me too i yeah i didn't sign up for anything more i got one that just said it was from the biden and it said not

mad brian just disappointed. And I was like, what? I don't even know what this is. It's like, quit triggering me with these subject lines. I don't want, I'm not going to give you anything. I know the subject lines are so, they think it'll be, oh, we'll speak to them like that. Like, you know, like they know us.

I'd be more into it if they let him take a stab at sending it. Yeah. No, no check. Yeah. That would be great. He's going to say malarkey. That alley cat thing was so pathetic, dude. I keep hearing it.

I don't know where you were last night. I was talking 90 minutes with a guy with the ethics of an alley cat. If he said it with a fucking cunt, he said something. It would have been beautiful. Oh my God. You know he curses. Just curse. Just curse. Because the first one to curse He said something. It would have been beautiful. Oh, my God. You know he curses. All these...

Just curse. Just curse. Just curse. Because the first one to curse, people go, whoa, he's a real guy? Yeah. This guy means business.

Do you have a... This has got to stop. Yeah, I wrote three. Do we want... Just one? Go for it. I mean, I don't know. Let me know if this has been done before.

But fucking QR code menus. You don't like them. I hate them. It's not going to stop. It's not going to stop, guys. The idea that that did anything. They're like, because of COVID, we now have QR code menus. I'm like, that.

Well, one, I went to a restaurant recently where they handed me a printed out. I'm like, this is just just right you're already printing stuff out hand right right the menu items on that yeah like there was uh my buddy grant like posted this photo online he saw like it was like the opening closing hours and then a qr code and he's like no you just tell me when the fucking store is open and closed yeah um i've also got receipts okay yeah paper receipts if you can find if everything's a qr code why am i now having paper receipts that you're handing me i'll add on to that signing your name like what the fuck we do yeah why do we keep yeah especially when you do it online and you type in your name you go

okay so this isn't real and it cursives it sometime and you're like okay so I signed that check that against my ID there was something on like for like the voting ballot it's like they're like this signature must match the signature on your voting record

and I'm like I have had so many different signatures like I'm like, I have had so many different signatures. I don't know. I've signed so much merch in the last couple of years. I now have a signature. You got one. But it's also like very, it's a little much for a license. Yeah.

It goes off the card. There's the dot all the way outside of the rectangle. Yeah, yeah. Okay. So what would you rather have? No receipts, QR code menus, or menus and receipts? I'd get rid of receipts. Okay.

Yeah. Okay. I hate receipts too, yeah. Because I always just put it on the table. And then also the idea that like, I get it if it's cash and I need to return it and then there's no record of it but like the idea that you need a receipt to return something now is I'm like you have a record of my credit card company has a record of it you have a record so they cannot take your yeah it's all bullshit it's vestigial um one more you know oh yeah and then it's just people saying

you don't remember me do you because I'm I'm going to figure it out from context clues if you give me a goddamn second. Yeah, I would never be. Or just tell me. Tell me your name. Or just say your name. Yeah. Sure. Do you have a bad memory for names?

Yes. We're not great. Britannics famously not good. Horrible. Both of you. I mean, we've had some rough times. Yeah, yeah. I've also made the mistake.

I mean, we've had some rough times. Yeah, yeah. I've also made the mistake, like I've had some real whiffs where I talk to a person for 30 minutes. I've figured it out from context clues. I go, I end, I get cocky and I end the conversation with their first and last name.

And they're like, that is not who I am. What? There is a show off? And I was just like, I don't, I guess goodbye forever. There's no coming back from this. I wish we could say one of was just like, I don't, I guess goodbye forever. There's no coming back from this. I wish we could say one of the ones, but I don't want to say the name. The one at the ECNY.

Yeah, that's what I was thinking. We'll bleep it out. I mean, it's basically exactly that. I just, I mean, it was, I said, I forget who I said it to, but I said, and she was like, what? I am not. I was like that like vibe. Like we're my BFF. Well, you know what, what happens? Cause I'm terrible. I'm terrible. Oh God. I'm terrible. I wonder if you're worse than me. I think I've gotten worse. But you, seeing you and being like, you get a look in your eye that you need help.

Sure. Because sometimes someone will, you know, will be like recognize me from TikTok thing. And because I'm so scared that I've forgotten people, I sometimes. Act like you know them. Act like I know them in a way where if it looks like they're about to give me a hug, I'll give them a hug. And then we start talking and I'm like, you don't know me.

Yeah, yeah. And like, this is so weird that I hugged you. And it was awful. And then every time Tova has to ask me after, she goes, so was that real? She asked me every time, was that real? Did you know who that was? And I'd be like, no,

no idea. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's an added, like the, the fact that you getting recognized also so that the person you may never have met them, that that's an element to also navigate is,

is insane. I think it's a real, it is, it is a real, they say Bill Clinton like knew everyone's name. Yeah. We, we worked uh we met

alex brightman uh he's like yeah yeah so we we did a i mean it was a crazy it was a rehearsal uh of our sketch team he was guesting this was a zoom show during covid yeah and we're having a zoom rehearsal and alex sees one of our sketch partners husband in the background and goes oh my god max and they had gone to a summer camp when they were like in eighth grade. And he remembered what song he sang. And I was like, that's part of why you got to where you got. It's a great skill.

These people feel so flattered. People feel so badly. I want consistently the superpower I say I would want. People are like, if you could have a superpower, it's like, I'd be able to remember everyone's name. Yeah. And it's led to me, I don't even use people's names anymore

because I'm so, I've been so traumatized by getting it wrong so spectacularly. It's crazy what you're trying to do. One of the worst, because I would host comedy shows a lot and I was terrible with names and sometimes I wouldn't have the lineup down.

And I remember the worst thing that happened in my head was it was. You just did the gun to your head. I mean, truly. It was like it was two. I had met these two Indian comics at the same time. But here's what's worse. I didn't. Here's what's worse.

I didn't mix them up. I didn't think I saw. I didn't see one and go, oh, it's the other one. I only remembered the other one's name. And in a moment of sheer panic, I just decided to call him his friend's name knowing that's the worst option on the table. And it was bad. It was bad. And you know the thing as like a white person when you do a faux pas like that, you like over-apologize.

You don't even know how much to apologize because now you're making it their burden to like make you feel better yeah it was it was so humiliating and basam shawl i i forgive me i now know your name it'd be so funny if you were wrong it'd be so funny you're like listen so sorry um do you have this gotta stop i have one i was thinking about this this bothers me to no end it happened to me yesterday i i wonder if it bothers you guys as much it's bathrooms in often coffee shops or bars not like a big bathroom with a lot of stalls a singular bathroom with no bolt lock you know i'm talking about the ones where the locks are just like the one yesterday push a button or it's like the one I did yesterday.

I fucking hate this where it's like the it's like here's the knob and there's like a horizontal and you have to turn it vertical. But it was vertical meant open in this one and horizontal meant locked in this one yesterday, which was like opposite of what I think it is. And then the toilets across the bathroom, like facing the door, like 10 feet feet away just in case like someone opened it up you're just like you're dead like that's it i thought i'm just sort of like a bolt cost seven bucks at home depot and like a few minutes of labor like i just always want like a funk that i can like test to make sure the door can't open because it's like don't trust i was at i was in a coffee shop in la one time and it was one of these like button doors and i opened it up and the toilet was across the room and there was a 45 year old man on the

toilet and he was like please please no please please stop and i just like closed the door and i got my laptop and i left because i was like there's no way i'm gonna look at that guy and it's like i just i'm in fear sitting on a toilet when i can't see a bolt locking that door i hate it so much. The worst is the handles where it's like there's nothing on it, but it's like you push the handle in and turn it. Yeah, and turn it.

It's like, how am I supposed to figure that out? I'm always sitting on the toilet thinking like, wait, did I lock it? Or I can't even tell if I did or not. If I ever start a coffee shop, there's gonna be a fucking light. Has there ever been a scene where someone actually walks in like something like that,

but it's like an old long lost friend oh my god that's funny oh my god that's sweet yeah yeah I like that let's go on to our final segment you better count

your blessing you better count your blessing real quick before we get into this let me just say again join the Patreon, patreon.com I'm trying to talk Russell into as a Patreon tree doing a popper at the end of the episode who sings? Douglas Goodhart

from Uncle R Sketch he's on our sketch team great musician very funny and occasionally co-host when Russell is out he's going to be co-hosts when Russell is out. He's going to be co-hosting our episode with Amber Heard. Next week? Amber Heard?

Amber Ruffin? Amber Ruffin. I was like, and Johnny Depp. Amber Heard! You see what I mean? We got Amber Heard. Has she done an interview? We got Amber Heard and Johnny Depp.

We're going to bring them together and talk it out. You're following Britannic? Amber Heard. She's got to make sure the door's locked before she shits on the bed. That would be a good get. Yeah. You never know.

Amber Heard. You never know. You know, you never know. What's the dream get for your podcast? What's the big? Well, Amber Heard now. Things have changed in this last second. First of all, let me just say, Caroline Calloway messaged and said,

the downside, me, when? And I said, anytime. She sent her number. We texted. Nothing. But Mill Power Move, just the downside, me, when? When? Anytime, Carolyn. A blessing.

Yeah. I'm going on vacation on Friday. Well, hopefully, if Barbados is still there, they're in the midst of a hurricane. That's where I'm supposed to be going. So praying for Barbados. Hopefully everything is good. That's a pretty selfish prayer. We're going to have to delete this out.

If anything bad happens to them. But, um, uh, I'm excited for vacation. So, um, I'm scared now.

I think it's okay. Uh, Nicole's dad is still there and he's like sent videos and it's seeming like, like it's, it's a direct hit. It's a category four, but I think, uh,

he seems to be okay right now. All right. Good luck. Um, good luck. My blessing, my girlfriend, she had her birthday. And what's so nice is all my girlfriend's friends, I get along with them all. And it's such a perfect reflection of why I'm like, Tova and I were on so much of a similar wavelength as people that all the people that she is uh close to yeah i like and sometimes i go i go

like can i are these my friends and i know they're not but i kind of wish they were but i know if we ever broke up yeah they would wish my death yeah it's tough to know in the back of my head that no matter what that's true yeah yeah it is conditional even though it doesn't seem it it seems like you've reached the point where we're family but there's one little thing that could happen where and i don't think it's true the other way around i think i think um i mean i know if tov and i broke up you'd leave her management company immediately and i really appreciate you that thank you so cool of you man yeah but i know all my guy friends would be like hey how are you doing yeah not the other way around yeah but they're great and uh and uh it was such it was such a fun birthday and and i also have like

friends of hers that i did acid with for the first time and like this weekend shrooms no no i did no acid i don't know if ever again it was very intense yeah i was good but it was enough um and they're like my drug buddy yeah that's very cool that's sweet so uh it was very very good time we went to a little spa on Governor's Island. And I also, I got Taylor Ortega. I surprised Tova

with Taylor Ortega flew to New York. Yeah. And we surprised her at Russ and Daughters. Yeah. I got a reservation at Russ and Daughters.

You're not allowed to get reservations, but I wrote them. And they said, you can come in, but they said- You wrote a letter? Email.

Okay. Or Instagram, you know. Got it. I said, look at these followers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they said, you can come in, they they said- You wrote a letter? The email. Okay. Or Instagram, you know. Got it. I said, look at these followers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they said, you can come in. They said, but don't use the R word when you come in. What?

When you come in? So I came in and I said, Jamarcus Arezzi. Oh, reservation. Oh, reservation. I was like, did you say it in the message? Why do they think that? We just had an issue with people just rushing through our doors, screaming at us.

I said, Jamarcus Arezzi, mentally disabled for three. Yeah yeah and we got in so uh it was a good time great birthday i didn't fuck anything up too bad that's great do you have a blessing brian you go first okay um i this is sort of a generic blessing i i was thinking i'm really grateful for women who work in department stores or clothing stores that are coached to just tell me that i look handsome and whatever i put on uh-huh i never i didn't understand this when i was in my early 20s i thought i was just like all these like really beautiful business women thought i was like super hot or something and then i learned from girls like oh no this is just what they do and i know know the game. I know the gambit. I know I'm being hoodwinked every time I always buy whatever hat or coat I'm wearing. They say I look great in and I love it. I love it so much. I sometimes go buy a piece of clothing

when I'm feeling down. I go find a woman who works at the department store to tell me I look great in it. I'll spend way too much money on it. I'll go into debt debt but it just makes me feel good for months afterwards so whatever that sort of ad gambit is keep it going i'm a fan see that's nice i get frustrated because i i say to them like i'm like okay but really yeah no tell me though please because like no he's got i'd take it and run with it i'm like they love me oh my god this like oversized scooby-doo jacket from target i look amazing and i don't want to interact with any either sales people i like want to get i like it if i can get into the dressing room private private i like if no one knows that i was at the store

that's great i'm not gonna buy something unless someone tells me i look great in it i will go find someone i do need someone to tell me if a clothing looks okay or not. I'll send pictures to friends. I send pictures, yes. If you called it a clothing, yeah, it's clear then. Last time I went shopping, it was one of those things that was like, she was about to come in the dressing room and they were like, no, no, no, you can't go in.

I'm like, listen, guys, we're not going to fuck in here. I'm having an anxiety attack about what baggy pants look like. I can't believe they stopped that. They're still crazy. Yeah, that's what I think is going to happen. And see, I mean, if it happens once, you kind of just got to... I do wonder how often it's happening.

Yeah, I guess so. In movies, yeah, people love doing it. It was like Equinox, people fucking in the steam room. Well, that's a steam room. That's a different situation. It's like a real issue. It's a crunch.

It's crunch. The West Hollywood crunch is where it's a situation. Yeah, I mean, I've never seen it happen, but I'm probably thrilled. If I open it, I was like, ah, my God, it's happening. Not as far enough away. Planet Fitness. They're fucking right in the machines in Planet Fitness. In the vibrating chair.

Do you have a blessing? Yes. Well, it connects, I suppose. The Russian-Turkish baths on 10th Street. We're just in town for the weekend, and I went there yesterday and cooked myself up good, and I felt so good afterwards. So what has it got? Hot tub?

Oh, hot room. It's got cold tub. It's got the coldest cold plunge in the world. And you're doing it. I do it, yes. You do it. Well, it's crucial. If you don't, like, that's part of the recipe.

What happens if you don't do it? You don't feel as good. Oh. I mean, you feel really bad during it, but then afterwards, it's what, they've got a Russian room is what it's called, which is a room that is so fucking hot. You would not believe it.

We were just talking about this yesterday that I was like the first time I went into this room, I was like, surely not. Right. This is some the room is broken and has gotten too hot. Yeah. And how long you stay in there? I mean, I don't know. Get out as soon as possible. It's crazy.

I can't tell you. I would say I must have been in there for like a full week, but it was probably like, you know, two and a half minutes. You stay in there longer than I've ever been able to handle it. You guys were together. Nick took me once and I was like, I don't know, this is my thing. But some guys like sit on the topmost bench and just like meditate for an hour and they're those guys that like this is. And it's like, I guess good on you you but that's not in my path yeah i went to i was in uh finland years ago and the saunas there

are even crazier like you have to wear a hat or your hair will catch on fire it's that hot like these things would be like no but it is really good for you i'm like are we is the science settled on this are we sure that I would completely believe if they were like, oh, no, it's actually very bad. I'd be like, yeah, well, that makes sense. This is the guy who wiped piss on his face. That is true. I have to remember.

No, we wanted to do a sketch in Asana. Our sketch idea was like, I'm the alpha of the relationship. We go to Asana. We find out he has a much bigger dick. And our entire relationship changes. And at the end, you hit me. He's like, shut up, bitch. Wait, you're in a romantic relationship? No, just a friendship.

Just like the real Dom. Really flips. A classic shut up, bitch, punch button. Or the real is instead of a slap. So it's a dick. A quick dick. You know, the Chekhov's dick. If you see a big dick, you got to slap it across someone's face. You got to slap it across someone's face.

Yeah. Is there a dildo still here in this pocket right here? No. I really hope so. Move to your side. Jesus. That's been there the whole time. It's the noodle from your dad's back.

It feels like you're pulling it. Oh, my God. It's Natalie Pal from your dad's back. It feels like you're playing. Oh, my God. It's Natalie Palomides here. So you have that. Some people have, like, you know, a gun hidden in case there's an intruder. Can we take a picture here? Because the editor is going to have to censor this part, too. By the way, guys, now that we'll do our plugs, we are touring.

We started our tour. Yeah. And I think we have trivia in the tour. And I've bought four of these and uh if you win the trivia you're getting one signed sucked by both of us oh my god wait do it so there there's four in that couch just just one there's three in a bag over there it was for it was for a sketch i did that didn't work did not about a guy who uh everyone has a fidget spinner and his fidget spinner happens to be this that didn't work it's funny at first it was but how long can this last yeah a full runner

turns out no could it well what if you like it's like you know you then switch to a different fidget spinner and it's you know i don't know i what's i said fleshlight yeah i said fleshlight would be the second beat or like and the girl brings out the flesh and then goes ew gross yeah could have we didn't try it yeah yeah did you do it live or did you film this oh we did it live and the last remember the show i was talking about earlier where i at the end of the show i said well that fucking oh no we didn't do it there we did it the run through yeah cut it, we cut it. Lauren just looked at me and said, no. The last one, the last runner, too, like he had no one else on stage.

It was just you had to go out and renew. The third beat with the runner was, it's my dad's funeral. And I like really went back. I like tried to get emotional and I went out there. I said, my dad, I'm sorry. Give me a second. And then out of my suit jacket. And it's just as silent as it's in this room right now.

How did the first beat work? The first beat started to be okay. I can imagine it. And then it just went on too long. Initially it hit. And then it was like, oh, we have three more minutes of this. Right, right. It was too long. Yeah, how do you build?

Ultimately, the funny thing is still though. It made us laugh when we were doing it. And then it's a little funnier as you stretch it and slap it or whatever. But then what? Yeah. You know, we are sketch masters, so we should probably figure out the third beat of this. Tell me, tell me. Dildo fidget spinner heightening.

I don't know. You've kind of stuck me here. We'll figure it out. I could see why it didn't work at a funeral, because it's like not a normal place where you would have a fidget spinner. Yeah, maybe you're kind of like putting too many things going on but like you do need to i think you need to the prop needs to heighten it's like you you know the second beat was business meeting everyone is now doing it and business is booming and oh yeah the issue is after the first hit of this why is it so funny that you're yeah that's the spinning a dick yeah like it's a funny thing to

do but then like why is it maintained maybe funny i don't know if this works but it's you're spinning a dick. Yeah. Like, it's a funny thing to do, but then, like, why is it maintained being funny? I don't know if this works, but you're, like, the next beat of it is, like, instead of chewing gum, you're chewing a rubbery dildo. Sure, sure. Again, putting in mouth would definitely, that would make it funny. I forget if I had one other. Oh, but would be fun, though, that I was hoping is if it had worked, later in a sketch, someone would be stressed about something and just whip it out casually.

It's a great callback device. Yeah, you almost want to hide the moment that it comes back out. I feel like if it got a big enough laugh, you could just do a single beat of it almost, and then, yeah, a callback to it later. I'm sorry, how was it introduced, the first beat? The first beat is like the boss comes boss comes in says i want to apologize i i understand you millennials have your anxiety and whatever so whatever tools you need and someone goes thank

you and they have their their clicker someone has bubble tape uh someone has the fidget spinner and then i come out and it's just. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think maybe you want to make it one scene. Could they see it was clearly a dildo? Cause when you're shaking. Yeah, they could see it. Okay.

I think you want to find places also to rest that game. Like you play that and it's like, I feel like you want people to be like, Hey, this is like not appropriate or something. And you basically having a moment where you're like, I need this. Like basically being like, this is my, my, for my anxiety. And everyone goes like, okay, okay. It's fine fine and then the next time you use it it gets more maybe then you have to start using with your mouth or something and then it's like you keep having but then the third beat ultimately i gotta put it in my ass yeah yeah probably yeah another thing you

could explore is like well what happens when you don't use it and it's like it's so much worse right or like whatever you like screaming or whatever you know slamming my head on the desk yeah they're like all right all right all right what i think i want to see here is like you needing this and really playing it like hey i'm a person who made his neurodivergent and this like calms me and having other people be like okay i guess i guess we need to have let john marco have his thing and like keep coming back to that so then when you have to shove it up your ass it's almost like on them for how dare they tell you to not do this like we're really feeling yeah yeah all right yeah all right well it looks like we're only giving three dildos away so we can

keep one for the second try also has anyone ever told you because you pointed this out one time who you sound like when you speak i don't know if you've ever gotten this but nick said this i forget i remember saying he's an idol of ours. We went to go see him one time after I gave you those shoes. Oh, yeah. You have a pattern speaking style similar to David Copperfield. Really?

Yes. Yeah. I that's that's it. That's the only thing I haven't come with David. Well, it's it's also like really David Copperfield from back in the day.

OK, as long as back in the day. Because I saw him in Vegas and we had a whole episode. We had to cut this whole segment because we had a magician on and they were like, I can't be on record speaking ill of David Copperfield. It was the worst show I'd ever seen. We saw it in Vegas too. Did he do his patter where he's reading from the teleprompter? Because we saw him when he was just like monotone.

It was monotone and it was light speed. It was like he had a dinner reservation that he needed to make because it was just like experience it was this was uh it was about his dad dying yeah yeah he had one of those animal animatronic and it was this it was this incredible like someone get this man a therapist where it was like it was his he went back in time and ultimately his father he read a letter that he clearly wrote from his father excusing him

for being too busy with fame to visit him in his final moments yeah I remember the dad and you're just like oh my god buddy and he

so he was rolling with his back so he was like walking around like this oh god and like at some point someone's sister had died

who loved David Copperfield so they brought him up. Yeah, yeah. And it was so deeply unemotional. It was awful. And fake. Because they did it at our show. And the kid is like not real.

Maybe he may be so but then the kid is a part of the show. It's a plan. They make it seem like he's like, oh, it's just like, okay,

so is he just fully part of the show now? Because he's in multiple. The kid like did this at the end. because he's in multiple like the kid like did this at the end and like all the lights came down and I was like oh the kid is part of the show

maybe his sister did die but it's like they were like let's find some actor whose sister died and watch 90s Copperfield specials

back when he was suave and cool and dating models that's who you uh huh you okay I know I think you'll

I think you'll still hate it. Sure. Sure. I like magic, though. I love magic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I hope we didn't ruin your day with that. No, we'll see when I watch it.

What would you like to plug again? This is coming out July 23rd. I guess, I mean, we're performing live a bunch. We're going to go to Scotland and do the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. Yes, if you're in Scotland, come see us at the edinburgh fringe the full month july 31st through august 25th it's a new it's our new hour of uh live sketch show it's like uh all interwoven and um what are you doing the last hour are you gonna release film it yeah we're gonna film it this next year yeah possibly for a streaming service but one of the lesser ones

don't say that one of the smallest ones but we love them but we love them deeply yes yes but it's it's not 100% confirmed

falls through which I don't think it will the new cracked streaming service yeah but if if push comes to shove we can just film it on our own you're not far off

sure sure send me the pilot can I watch it sure but if, if push comes to shove, we just film it on our own. You're not far off. Sure. Um, send me the pilot. Can I watch it? Sure. Yes. Send me the pilot and then you should tell us that we should release it.

And then also subscribe to our Patreon. Oh yeah. We have a Patreon. Um, Brian will do poppers at the end of our episodes. Uh, you know, we could do a crossover.

Uh, um, what do you want to plug Russell? Oh, well, I can plug the tour. It comes out. We're on tour this week. It's the 23rd.

We're in D.C. Tomorrow we'll be in Boston. And then Thursday we'll be in Philadelphia. Friday in New York at City Winery. Come see us live. Yes. And I will also be in L.A.

doing my new material show at Elysian Theaters July 28th. And then I'm off to Australia. So if you're in Melbourne, Sydney, Brisbane, Perth, or Auckland, I will be there. And then after that, Grand Rapids, Michigan. So come check it out. Join the Patreon, patreon.com slash downside.

And fuck, I wish I'm not good at coming up with it. You come up with an end for once. Why me? Like some cool callback. You always finish it. What was the name of your book? The Highly Sensitive Child. Thank you for listening to four highly sensitive children.

Yeah. This is the downside. You nailed it. This is the downside. You nailed it. You're listening to The Downside. The Downside. With Gianmarco Ceresi.