The Downside with Gianmarco Soresi - #229 When Pigs Can Cry (Patreon Excerpt)

Episode Date: September 7, 2024

In the excerpt of this Patreon exclusive episode, Tovah Silbermann joins to share the downsides of growing up Chabad and her journey eating foods outside of a Kosher diet. Join the Patreon to hear the full episode, including Gianmarco and Russell complaining about dry salads, a voice lesson that ended in tears, and an audience member shares how they caught someone cheating. You can watch a video clip of this episode HERE! Join the Patreon free for 7 days for ad-free episodes, exclusive content, and MORE. Follow Tovah Silbermann on Instagram Follow The Downside with Gianmarco Soresi on Instagram Follow Gianmarco Soresi on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, & YouTube Subscribe to Gianmarco Soresi's email & texting lists Check out Gianmarco Soresi's bi-monthly show in NYC Get tickets to see Gianmarco Soresi in a city near you Watch Gianmarco Soresi's special "Shelf Life" on Amazon Follow Russell Daniels on Twitter & Instagram E-mail the show at [e-mail] Produced by Paige Asachika & Gianmarco Soresi Video edited by Dave Columbo Technical production by Chris Mueller Special Thanks Tovah Silbermann Original music by Douglas Goodhart Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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You're listening to The Downside. The Downside. With Gianmarco Cerezi. Now, Tova, for those familiar with my stand-up, I say that Tova grew up Hasidic. That's not true. She is a Buddhist by birth. She grew up Chabad, which is just a little less known.

You've told me, though, Hasidic, bigger umbrella. Yeah. It's like a rectangle. A square is a rectangle. A rectangle is not a square. You didn't really say it with the confidence that allowed the metaphor to sing.

Chabad is Hasidic but Hasidic is not Chabad. Wait. Oh, yes. Yeah. Chabad is a sect, a Hasidic sect but it's not the ones that you think of Wait. Oh, yes. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Chabad is a sect, a Hasidic sect, but it's not the ones that you think of when you go to Williamsburg and you see the really, really intense ones.

Like, the way I'd explain it is I did stand up for a hot second before I quit, and one of the things I would talk about is how my Orthodox friends would be like, you didn't grow up Hasidic. You grew up Chabad. It was one of the chill, it was like a chiller sect. And I was like, there's no such thing as a chill Hasidic sect. And so, yeah, that's why I quit stand-up.

But... No, but that's how I explain it. It's like when you think of Hasidic from TV shows, you think of one thing, and my thing was like, we could wear denim. So it was like kind of chill. But denim skirts down to here. Which, by the way,

they come into fashion now? Is anyone wearing one now? No. Yeah. And I was proud recently. I was at a shoe store with Tova and I saw these four girls and I said,

Chabad, right? And I was, right. Yeah. We're Orthodox. Orthodox, yeah. He's clocking. What made, how did you know?

Just loud and jappy. No, it was the clothes. It was like all four of them were dressed like extra fat. But like not trying to show their body at all.

Long skirt, long sleeve. And so I said come on, show some body at all, like long skirt, long sleeve. And so I said to them, I said, come on, show some body. And they said, and I said, that's not... They looked like 14-year-olds. No, I noticed it because of the clothes. It was like plain ankle. Ugly, ugly.

I was right. I was proud of myself. They were like flouncy black skirts past their knees. Little like. Yeah. It's skirts past the knees for girls doing it at once. And they're not like nuns. And no tank tops.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So. So you. You. Now Orthodox.

Is Hasidic Orthodox? Yeah. Orthodox. It's like. It's like. It's like. An even bigger umbrella. It's like Kingdom Phylum.

Like that classification. Yeah. Yeah bigger umbrella. It's like Kingdom Phylum, like that classification. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like Orthodox is like the overarching, and then within Orthodox there's... Well, it's not really like that because it splits. Oh, I guess it is. But then it's like Hasidic or Yeshivish or Hasidic is a Chabad or Satmar or this. So it's like a web.

But Orthodox could also mean modern Orthodox, which is their skirts maybe graze their knees. It's a little bad. Wow. Yeshivish, you know Yeshivish? I have family friends. She's like, don't ask me, I don't know.

I was like, yeah, I know some. Yeshivish, though, I forget that one. I don't think we've ever gone deep into Yeshivish. Yeshivish is I forget that one I don't think we've ever gone deep into yeshivish yeshivish is like not hasidic but also like dresses in black and white and has like maybe a hat but not a beard

and interesting so chabad is like chabad is like mennonite to amish. I have no idea. One time someone asked me, I asked someone, I'm like, what does lobster taste like? And they went, it tastes like crab.

I'm like, that's not helpful to me at all. Speaking of. No, yes, I think so. Like it's a little less. They're both intense, but they have their own thing. Yeah, they can, I think, take cars, Mennonites. Yeah, it's kind of like that. Like they all have their own thing. Yeah. They can, I think, take cars, Mennonites. Yeah. It's kind of like that.

They all have their varying levels and varying. Basically, it's like Protestant to Catholic is actually how yeshivish to Hasidic. This is so boring. Hasidic is like you have a pope. You have the leader of your Hasidic sect. So versus Protestant, it's like you're self-studied, you're self-learned. It's that. And then within Protestant, there's different groups.

And within Catholicism, there's different, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. That's actually a pretty good explanation, I think. Yeah, we got it. And so the thing I want to talk about particularly was being – The gap's educating me. Is anyone here kosher? Was anyone ever was kosher?

Okay, good. So Tova grew up kosher. And just now for her birthday dinner, and I think it's only because a friend was there. I don't think she would have done it if it was just me. She had a sizable first piece of lobster. Wow. Yeah. Thank you. Wow. Yeah.

Thank you. It was cold. It wasn't like ideal. But you ate it. You put butter on it? It was someone's lobster roll and they gave me a piece. Okay. And it tastes like nothing to you.

It was so chewy. I'm not a big lobster guy. Yeah. I don't love it. It used to be considered like the dregs ate lobster. That's why we don't eat it. It's delicious. It's like a bottom feeder.

What is this? The bottom of the ocean pig? Pigs. You don't eat pigs? So let's, since we have a non-kosher crowd, cover like the full spectrum of what kosher entails. Like hoof and nothing with hoof or scale. So there's so many.

It's going to be so boring. I don't know how to make this interesting. There's so much to it. I don't know. So like when non-Jews think of kosher, broad speaking, they think you don't eat pork or shellfish. Yeah. Okay. That's like the broad spectrum of like that.

And don't mix meat and dairy. Right. That's like what broad spectrum of like that. And don't mix meat and dairy. Right. That's like what you've heard of. Within that, there's like 100 million other rules. And if you grew up Orthodox, not only do you not eat pork or mix meat and dairy or all those things, you also only eat meat that has been slaughtered in a specific way. Kind of like halal, but a little bit more. Also, weird thing, rectangle weird thing rectangle square square rectangle people

who eat halal will eat kosher meat but we won't eat halal meat because we're very entitled and think we're better than everyone but it is like if you eat halal you would consider like kosher meat like serviceable for your their religious beliefs now i remember the first time i really confronted it was before we were dating i went to a deli with my accountant. You met where? In Israel. In Israel. A long, long time ago.

A long time ago, before all the problems. On your trip with Jerry. All right, all right. But I was at a deli. I was at a deli, and I got coffee, and I asked for milk, and they said, oh, we don't have milk here. And I was like, yeah, I know. But could I get some milk, though? I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I know the thing. Can I have it anyway? And they were like, no. And instead, they had that cheap fucking creamer. I guess that's allowed because it's technically not dairy. I think it's not food. It's not food? Because it's a chemical.

Yeah. Because those little creamers on the plane, that's like, there's nothing in it. There's no real dairy. Yeah, because I don't think it has any real ingredient whatsoever. Oh my goodness. So I'm trying to think. And we talk about how intense, especially pig, the pig stuff. Oh, my goodness. So I'm trying to think. And talk about how intense, especially pig, the pig stuff. Oh, yeah.

So I grew up not only not eating pig, but pig was like pig. It was disgusting. This is important. It was like we not only like we wouldn't have like toy pigs. We wouldn't. In our coloring books, they'd cross out the pig. It was so, I'm serious, it was. Like Porky the pig was not like.

Oh, no, no, no. Yeah. That is satanic. Yeah, you would, like, literally they would go, like, the farmer and the, or what's it called? Old MacDonald had a farm. Old MacDonald had a farm. They would not do the pig.

We'd skip the pig. It was just cows and chickens over and over again. And in the book, they didn't, it would just cross out. They would cross it out. The same way they would, like, if there was a. And in the book, it was just crossed out. They would cross it out. The same way they would, if there was a little boy in the book, they would draw a kippah. Or a little girl,

they'd add a skirt. Are you serious? Yeah. So every teacher who got a book, they had to go through and add a kippah on every boy? Oh my God. But specifically pigs,

they would make sure to not include that in the books. Or if there was a book that had P is for pig, you wouldn't buy that book. It's because they're disgusting. It's so ingrained in our culture that pig is just the most disgusting. And it's also a derogatory word, like, such a chaser, such a pig.

You know what I mean? Like, as an insult. Even we have, you know, roaches are disgusting. Like, we don't. Did you go go like, oh, pigs don't exist? Because that's what it feels like when you're crossing them out. It's like, I understand being like it's gross, but even gross things were not like, don't even speak of the existence of these things.

I know, it's specifically that, you know, because I'm trying to think, I mean, I did grow up in Louisiana, so I feel like there would be coloring books with like crawfish like it's not out of the question but I don't remember a situation where it's like don't look at the but pigs was what a mind fuck for pigs because

they're like they don't like me but they don't eat me like the people that do like me do you know what I mean like from their perspective it's kind of like the but they don't eat me. The people that do like me. Do you know what I mean? From their perspective I'm like I love pigs but I eat them.

You know? But they're like these other people hate us and are so mean about us but they don't eat us. Do you know what I mean? That's so true. Like, I one time saw a pig crying in a video,

and I was like, for two weeks, I was like, maybe I won't eat pig again. And I gave up. But I did, for two weeks, was like, oh, pigs can cry. Oh, yeah. And I watch it cry. Now, does your because your your sister's still orthodox

so I had a I did a a commercial once I don't know if you've ever seen it where there was a baby pig on set and I did a thing with a baby pig would your if I put it on

would your no because Shoshana no she grew up like a little less because she's the youngest so we had that's where our like live

if you saw it on TV though would you go like turn it off turn it off dirty pig I'm trying to remember cause I feel like there was a time

where I read Charlotte's Web in school so like I feel like this is like a house of cards where you're unlocking memories

where I'm like did we read Charlotte's Web did we watch Babe I watched Babe but maybe it was just in the home cause my parents but maybe it's just in the home because my parents were a little more chill than the school you know do you still have

other than eating it do you still do you still have that if if i had a baby piglet here would you be like no i don't think so but i also wouldn't be like necessary like oh so cute i think they're like i think I'd have a first layer of like implicit bias where I'd be like and then go it's fine so same way you are with baby whenever you're about to say stop

because speaking of that Greek voice teacher I was talking about earlier part of like their her husband grew up in like a Greek village and part the the thing was you got a piglet when you were a kid and you grew up with that pig and your bar mitzvah would be like to kill the pig and then cook it and eat it for dinner but that was part of you becoming a man was like you kill your friend i hate that and you would have eaten every god damn piece oh i know oh that's so sad if i had to do it i would never eat pig again that's the worst part of it do you think that's true because i say that to myself but do you think

that's true you'd never eat meat again well if i'm starving on the island yeah i'll kill a pig and eat it but i'm saying like if i so would we if i had to go out in everyday life and find a pig and eat it. But I'm saying if I had to go out in everyday life and find a pig to kill and bring it home and cook it on my New York City apartment, yeah, I would never eat a pig again. Do you know what I mean? Whenever I see a rat, because we were really

watching Survivor for a little bit and they eat rats. And I remember every time since that point I see a rat on the subway and I see it and I go I really think even if I was starving to death I would die I would die sooner than like catch this wriggly thing

kill it I would sooner eat a human that's a pretty brutal like all cannibalism stories are like they were starving they had to there are rats everywhere that's a pretty brutal like all cannibalism stories are like they were starving they had to and for there were rats everywhere or for Tova

it was like there was for Tova yeah there was a ham sandwich right there and she said no no I'm gonna eat the human so

do you think if we weren't dating you would have not eaten? All right. Her list of things that she's done. Oysters. Shockingly, was the first.

I think so. First foray into saying non-kosher. I'm surprised that you were okay with that one. Because shrimp is like not even a nibble. It's tough. But why oysters do you think? I don't know. Well, first of all, I think the vinegar and the horseradish he smells it smells like fresh uh-huh oceany

oceany it feels very like it feels it's always smelled like oh that smells like something i would want does that make sense you can get away too like if it's briny enough and it's cold and you can like get the water you can like kind of do it without feeling like, you know, all the texture of it. The texture is a big thing for me, and I think that is like a thing that holds me back from a lot of foods. Yeah. But I think the smell,

like seafood smells really seafood-y, and I think oyster smells like the ocean. Does that make sense? Sure, sure. So, okay, what was after oysters? Because oysters you'll do. You'll do one or two. Yeah, I won't order them, but I'm like, oh, maybe I'll? Sure. Sure. So, okay, what was after oysters? Because oysters you'll do. You'll do one or two. Yeah, I won't order them, but I'm like, oh, maybe I'll have one.

Yeah. And I don't crave them yet or anything like that. Sure. What was next? Or was it nothing until lobsters? Just a bunch of oysters. I've tried a bite of shrimp here or there. Really?

You did coconut shrimp once. I wasn't there. I was very upset. Yeah. It felt like... That would be another one where I'd be like, ooh, yum. Like it would be shrimp once. I wasn't there. I was very upset. Yeah. It felt like... That would be another one where I'd be like, ooh, yum. Like it would be disguised. I don't love shrimp. What? I don't love shrimp.

Really? That's fine. I'll have it if it's around. It is fine. But I don't think it's great. I took a bite of coconut shrimp. If you dip it in that red sauce... Yeah, but I took a bite of coconut shrimp and I was like, this would be better if it was a chicken nugget. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? It would taste better as fried chicken. If we were to compare everything we eat to a chicken nugget, it's going to be a tough life.

If I'm going to pick a meat, if I'm going to pick a meat that's like, it tastes close enough texture-wise to like a piece of chicken or a piece of whatever. It's a triple B. Have you had scallops? No. I love scallops. They do look really good, but they- If they're really buttery and it's not buttery. Scallops are my favorite. And it's not too chewy if they're cooked well.

Yeah. Really? Yeah. Scallops never feel like a... I never get them as an entree. It's not enough. Oh, I do. You do?

Yeah. Well, someday we could try a scallop. Sure. Okay. You think maybe scallop next? Next? I don't know. You ate a big piece of lobster.

Lobster's way worse to me than scallop. That's more aggressive. Now, the bottom line is, all the seafood's great. I tell her all the time, I would love to do a big crab dinner. We're outside by the water, wooden bench, beers. The crabs are spicy. We got a bib. That's my dream.

She said she was going to try to surprise me for my birthday and pick one of these dishes, get really good at eating it, and then we'd go out and she'd be like, I'll have the king crab. And I'd be like, what? The king crab? That would have been my present. I'm like, there's a new food that's been introduced to the villa. But I was like, I didn't budget enough time.

And I'm like, two months is not enough time to get good at eating. It'd be funny if you tried it without the practice and you're like, yeah, I'm like, happy birthday.

But I, it's like, oh, two months if I ate it every day, but I'm going to have to go out of my way to eat crab like multiple times a week until your birthday. It's just not,

I just should have been, it should have been a year long plan. Sure, sure. i'm like every time i'm not with you but i'm with a friend order a side of crab or something whatever it was yeah and i just fucked up okay now you grew up in new orleans did you like crawfish big there they're like one of the funniest things about growing up in new orleans is there when you have a crawfish boil you just especially in like the park you just throw the shells on the ground so the entire city's just covered in

crawfish and there'd be multiple times I'd be walking to synagogue in like full garb just walking over crawfish to get to synagogue and like I think there's a metaphor I don't know what it is but it was just like so visceral and visual of But yeah, it's everywhere. I did it the first time, the last time I went to a crawfish boil. And I liked the fun of sitting with a giant pile. It's not great to eat. Do you know what I mean? You're just ripping a thing and then sucking the head off. I also get weirded out by Branzino.

The body. I think the lobster was out by Branzino. The body. I think the lobster was all cut up and it wasn't in the shell. There's other elements that I have to get over. My dream. I don't care about bacon that much. I don't like ham. I don't like sliced ham. Oh, I don't like ham at all.

Prosciutto. Oh, prosciutto. Is either prosciutto. I would love for it to have prosciutto because either prosciutto Oh he's Italian He's Italian I'm like come on Cabagool I would love for it to have prosciutto Because it's so delicious Or

I think the thing that she'd like the most Is like Pulled pork Shredded pork Like Carnitas Carnitas Like that is fucking delicious

And it feels very removed From any kind of It's more beef Beef like In texture Yeah I think I get really grossed out any kind of – it's more beef-like in texture. I think I get really grossed out eating new meat where it's like this tastes almost like beef, but it doesn't. I honestly think that's worse. I think oysters also is so singular, and that's why I don't mind it.

But when I taste crab, I'm like, this is another meat. And you just get in your head of – you start to think about that as an animal. Does that make sense yes um so just no it's just just ignore it deep in your soul just ignore it there we go uh what the last thing is you you've you've advised someone recently on uh becoming more normal and uh what well that's the thing because he thinks I'm like, so you think I'm a picky eater. And I think, in retrospect, I am. But growing up, I wasn't. Because I wasn't exposed to any of this.

So I was a normal eater. In my defense. Okay, let's get the full slate. Can't eat cilantro. Yeah. Allergic to bananas. Bananas. Dates. Melon, but not watermelon. Melon, but not watermelon. Melon, but not watermelon.

Don't like lamb. Don't like lamb. As if you're allowed to not like something at this point. And then, yeah, pork, shellfish. And then I'm recently into sushi, but not all. It has to be really good raw fish, or else it's a technique. Yeah, that's the other thing recently,

where, you eat sushi, you eat not necessarily the nicest sushi, but originally she was like, I like sushi if it's like sugar fish, which is like saying, I like a salad if it's from Erewhon, and you're like,

let me come up with a New York reference, what's the equivalent of Erewhon. And you're like, let me come up with a New York reference. What's the equivalent of Erewhon to New York? I like... There's no good salad places we already started with this. So what did you, what was the advice you gave to your friend? So my friend, so basically in where I come from,

I have a very evolved palate. And I'm kind of like a foodie one might say. When I visit the Amish they're like, you know how to turn the lights on and off it's incredible. Oh my god you can go to space. I have a friend who also grew up keeping kosher and her fiance

is also like pushing this lifestyle on her of like, get over it, bitch. Like you. And he's like, you want to get married? You gotta learn to do this or else I won't marry you.

But it's a similar situation. He's also Jewish. For the record. If you want to get married, you gotta eat bacon. I am very kind and considerate. I have often given you my meal instead of yours. I'm very nice.

But no, her, her, her. Okay, take a bite. Her fiance also is Jewish, but didn't grow up eating kosher. And so he's like, you know, over the years, he's, it's gotten to the point where she's also like,

they have the mental block of this is so unfamiliar to me and so weird to me and feel so foreign to me um what do I do because I do want to stop keeping kosher and I do want to like make him happy um and how do I do it so I literally got on like a 20 minute call with her and gave her really good advice, I think. So first of all, the first barrier to break is eating not kosher certified meat. Because like first, you can only eat like kosher meat that was like from the kosher butcher and usually cooked in a kosher place. And so I said, start with the food because the first time I ate non kosher was before I started dating you for a non kosher meat. It sounds so stupid, but I was like, Oh, it tastes like steak. Like, I don't know what I thought.

I thought it would taste non-kosher. Sure. It makes sense. So I was like, eat something like chicken or steak because you'll be like, oh, it's just totally mental. It tastes the same. Yeah. And so I just gave her all these rules of like very slowly, like don't go from like zero to a thousand, which is shrimp, you know, go to that and that, you know, and she literally was like, thank you so much, and she sent me a picture of

her, like, takeout plate of food, and she was like, I'm doing it, and I felt very, I felt very helpful, it's very sweet, and, but yeah, I think, I, I told you, I think you should make, I think you have to get to the end of it, like the end of the full journey, but I think there's totally a book waiting out there of like how to gradually reintegrate. Into society? Into society.

Yeah. That could be like the spin of the overall book too. No, because it's also like, oftentimes you look at my outfits and you're like, Hasidic. Me? Yeah, I gravitate towards like you paint me in the fairy and he's like show

your body all I've ever said is I said I said baby you look beautiful in colors that's all I've ever said how is that different from what I just said? It's the same thing to me. And look at you

wearing all these colors. And I'm naked from the waist down. If I didn't date Tova, you couldn't even see her on stage right now. It'd be just a black wall. This is my dream.

Well, thank you for joining us for this segment. Do you want to stay while we read our This Gotta Stop? Sure. Could you pass me stay while we read our This Has Got to Stop? Sure. Could you pass me that notepad, someone, right there? You can talk.

Oh, thank you so much. Oh, thank you. All right, This Has Got to Stop. All right, here we go. So This Has Got to Stop. This Has Got to Stop. The mic's not working at a comedy club. Who wrote this?

Downside. Who wrote this?