The Downside with Gianmarco Soresi - #35 Foster Care with Monroe Martin

Episode Date: August 31, 2021

Monroe Martin shares the downside of being put in fifteen different foster homes, getting choked by your mom’s new husband until your sister puts a knife to his throat, having a testicle that looks like a bag of gummy worms and the surgery to get it fixed, a therapist soliciting you after seeing your set, and we talk about the time a heckler tried to fight him at a comedy club and I stood in the way in hopes of getting an audition out of it. You can watch the full video of this episode HERE Join The Downside Patreon for early ad-free episodes the Friday before they're released on Tuesday, TWO bonus episodes a month (AUDIO & VIDEO), + the good feeling inside that you're helping keep my delusions alive. Follow MONROE MARTIN on instagram, tiktok, youtube, & twitter Watch MONROE MARTIN's comedy here Follow GIANMARCO SORESI on twitter, instagram, tiktok, & youtube Check out GIANMARCO SORESI's special 'Shelf Life' on amazon & on spotify Subscribe to GIANMARCO SORESI's mailchimp Follow RUSSELL DANIELS on twitter & instagram E-mail the show at [e-mail] Produced by Fawn Sullivan, Paige Asachika, & Gianmarco Soresi Part of the Authentic Podcast Network Original music by Douglas Goodhart Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

All right, uh, russ, do you do you have anything you want to share for the first part? No, no nothing at all. No All right, we'll try it dig dig deep I mean i'm open to talk. Okay, so we're recording. Um, uh, uh Oh, so also we're i'm going to talk in the beginning like i'm gonna talk about my own shit But feel free to be a part of that. Okay conversation then we'll use that to see I can chime in I don't like that. Yeah. Yeah, that'd be great. Cool. Um Uh, all right. Welcome to the downside horrible start. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That'd be great. Cool. All right. Welcome to the downside.

Horrible start. No, no. Good. Thank you, Russell. This is this is the downside. My name is Joe Marcos. I'm here with my co-host, Russell Daniels. Hi, Joe Marco.

And we are joined today by a stand up comedian, writer, creator, performer, actor, everything. Monroe Martin. Thank you for having me me man, I appreciate it Just like a negative podcast Good, let's do it Damn it, I fucked up the sound cue How'd you do it again? I tried to be so seamless

Say something negative I gotta say something negative right now? Yeah Fuck the police 1, 2, 3 Downside negative right now yeah all right fuck the police i don't know that's just him you're listening to the downside with john marcus all right our official stance is fuck the police russell usually is defending the police he looks like he defends the police he does he looks like he's got a lot of old buddies that are high up in the nypd right now you look like you got a card in your glove compartment when you get pulled over you're

like hey i know dan sometimes dan and i went to high school sometimes when i say mean things about uh the police um my mom or someone will be like hey uh uncle so-and-so is and like he's a resource officer which is not the same as the police and that's fucked too though by the way oh yeah i've definitely seen people who were a part of blue lives matter and i'm like you're not a blue life no you're not even a cop like what are you doing you're like a ceo chill out it's also just so close to the capital riots where then they were like well fuck those police yeah like it just is's also just so close to the Capitol riots where then they were like, well, fuck those police. Like it just is so, it happened so recently to them. I don't know.

When they say fuck the police, they don't mean all of them. You just don't got time to be specific. Yeah. It's fuck the ones who are bad at their jobs. The ones who are great at their jobs. We love you. Chance got to round up. You know, you can't have long chance.

You got to have them tight. Fuck the police. Fuck most of the police asterisk because it doesn't it doesn't have the same thing no one pays attention if you're like some of the police yeah i i talked about it uh in the special i did but it was when i was i was doing the marches i think the these racist ass police and i was in harlem. And I was like yelling and I looked and it was all black police officers. And I'm like, yeah, the fuck the racist police. And I'm like, man, this shit was not made for me. Let me add a few asterisks to this chant. You can still be racist if you're black, though. You can still be a racist minority.

I tell people that all the time, but it's not my place to call it out i know you should have just said fuck the the corrupt police you should have just said fuck the white police yeah no not the white ones the white ones play basketball there you go there we go i just moved towards the middle of the march i was like you guys you guys are um well welcome to the downside that's a perfect way to start fuck the police we're brought to you by by i wasn't i'm not gonna say anything um so this is the downside we talk uh about all the negatives the sad things in life we take all the things that seem like silver linings and show why they are not uh and uh those of you uh if this is your

first time listening also check out our patreon It's patreon.com slash downside. You get bonus episodes. A little early to tell you that. You might not be into it. You're like, well, I'm not paying for this. I haven't even seen if I enjoy it. But we're happy to have you. And we're very happy to have you, Monroe.

Before we get to you, I'm going to talk about my own shit for a little bit. Though I do want to bring up a story that I've been dying to have you on to talk about. Well, I'll say to talk about I recorded this Comedy Central, it was very cool very exciting, Monroe, that's a Sunday morning for him recording Comedy Central and back to the regular life, nothing's changed

the needle has not moved at all Has it got released yet? No When it comes out it has to drop, then it has to get the views like i have a clip that's at two million views and it's still like sometimes you're still waiting for the needle to move yeah sometimes people are like yo man i love this comedy central set i'm like which one yeah yeah you did one of those during the pandemic i did one of them during the pandemic

but the one that got the most views was the one that i did like four years ago like maybe even longer i did it in like 2016 yeah yeah yeah and it then it got it got released in uh 2019 oh wow yeah so people thought it was like a new set and i was like no it's fucking old but go ahead it's going to move for you a little bit. That's wild. Three years. What did they sit on it for three years for? Because it was through, what is that, Above Average.

So Above Average shot it first. Oh, classic. And then Above Average. Did y'all have beef with Above Average? No, no, no. Just rest in peace. Just one of these. You know, all those things.

CISO, Above Average. You know, there was a time where there were so many above average there's still a production company is it yeah they're a part of broadway right now they're a part of broadway video oh broadway video so but but one of the things i was trying to do, we've both worked at a club called L.A. Well Comedy Club. And, you know, I've been trying to move out. And so I was at the cellar. I don't go to shows a lot. But Tova's always encouraging me, go out, check out these places.

I'm like, you know, be around the cellar. And I went to a show. And it's a little weird to go to a show when you're a stand-up comedian, especially you're just in the audience. Because first of all, I'm not laughing. I'm not a laugher. So they're just looking out and I'm there like just looking at them and they can tell what i'm thinking i'm like if you die why do you do that you should sit with the comics

just go in the back but you know the comics right you're friendly with like sure but i went in the room and this time they just placed me they just just see you. It was kind of full. This was like pandemic. The bottom had the regular shows hadn't opened. So it's just upstairs. They have this plexiglass square. Yeah. And they sit me like right next to the plexiglass.

So the comics are performing. They turn to the right. They're like, oh, Jesus, a comedian. Yeah. And then go back. But so Monroe goes home. Yeah. And this is like it's considered like an open mic-ish type

yeah i'm working out shit you know i paid 20 bucks you paid monroe yeah i paid get the fuck out of here tell the seller people hey i'm a i'm a yes go hey now i'm a comic and then they'll go okay well they'll either tell you to move they'll be like well you can't sit there if somebody comes you got to get up and you just take that treatment yeah it's better than giving up 20 bucks you just get shuffled around like fucking cattle well this was worth 20 bucks so yeah i said i'm watching comedians go up you know i'm just watching them all thinking like i'm better than this and then monroe goes on and uh it was later in the night you're the last you're the last comic yeah i wouldn't say you were buying but you were going hard on my people the white people well yeah hypothetical white people not like the white people in front of me which no it was it was no

but i'm saying it was a set where like we're like if if that's your uh if that's your sensitive point yeah you're gonna get pissy yeah and there were these two dudes oh no with two women absolutely and they were starting to get their check but they were being like they were being obnoxious yeah they're being super obnoxious and in what way in what specific way one of them is like very staten island okay yeah no more no more got it and you did they say did they say they said they said uh something about what did you expect no not into this they were like some jokes no well they initiated it they said all right that's what i hate they like tried to wrap me up they're like and i was like well this is a yeah they tried to wrap me up and i'm like

this is a new joke night. Like, everybody's just fucking around. And they just kept at it. So then I just got petty. And I just started fucking digging into them, calling them cheap bastards. And they're like, yeah, whatever, buddy. And then I started, I wanted to get them angry. So I started calling the dude's girlfriend ugly.

The dude's girl. So you called her, I believe. He's like a muscular dude, too. These aren't small guys. These aren't like dudes who are like scrawny. These are like guys who are like, alright, it's two of them. I'm gonna fucking have to find this adrenaline somewhere. They played football

in high school at least. Yeah. Maybe not college. Yeah. Big dudes. And I think the line that did it was you called her a four. You gave her a number. Yeah. And four out of ten. Okay. And then what happened? They got angry.

So they got angry, and he stood up. And Monroe, not a flicker of fear. First, he's behind the plexiglass. And you're six foot five, right? I'm leaning on it. I'm holding on to it. I'm being antagonistic. I'm like holding on to it. Like I'm like, I'm into, I'm being antagonistic. I'm definitely feeding into it.

Like I definitely didn't like try to diffuse this situation. Cause I was already there mentally. And I'm like, all right, I'm not one of those people. Like, I'm not like tough. I'm just dumb.

Like, you know what I mean? Like I'm too dumb to back away from conflict. Like I'm not like, I'll fuck everybody up. But I'm like, let's see where this goes. But it's also a unique thing being on stage. There's something that happens. You're on stage.

You're doing this thing. It's specifically designed to be a place where you can test out shit and do shit. And there is something so aggressive about like being like, all right, finish that up. And you're like to to feel like you're gonna like let them be dictate that oh yeah i'm like i'm already bombing like do you think that this makes the situation better like do you feel good about yourself and not just fucking fed into it and so i'm i'm sitting there watching all this unfold yeah and in my head i'm like this is how i get in the cellar he's like i'm like

no no not i'm gonna make jokes no i'm saying oh you skipped over part so like so like so they stand up my rose like i'm gonna leave this like kind of this plexiglass yeah it's a separation but but you're starting to leave they're challenging you yeah and i start standing up doing that thing like i start doing that thing like all right gentlemen let's calm down and i'm like i'm like if i get if i get punched yeah by one of these guys i gotta get an audition slot you got it i would vouch for you thank you yeah and but i'm just like i'm standing there and in my head i'm not a fighter were you saying any words were Were you saying, all right, gentlemen? Not gentlemen, but I was like, all right, good sirs. All right, good sirs.

It was him. It was like a couple other comics who were also like, all right, dudes. Nico was watching from the side like the smart guy he is just watching this. Like, these fools are about to fight each other. Have you ever seen, has there ever been like a physical thing at the cell? Has there ever been a physical fight? Yeah, but I don't know if I can talk about them, but there definitely has been. There's like, yeah, there's been like comics are doing their, like, I don't, I'm not going

to say any of their names, but I've definitely seen and heard comics like punch people in the face. Wow. But I was nervous. But they just sweep it under the, they just go and then keep it moving. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I was nervous for you cause it was two guys. Yeah. But then when you left that plexiglass, I was like, no, I think you could, I think you could be both of them. How many fights have you,

I think I've been in a lot. I grew up fighting adult fights. I haven't been in an adult fight, but like growing up in group homes and shit, that's what you do. Yeah. Yeah. You know what I mean?

That's how you express yourself. Do you have a style? Like what's your, what's your stance? Like, are you, are you boxing in your mind? Like what boxing is?

Are you like this? I don't know. I don't think so. I think it just protect yourself, protect your face. And then if I can go off. And so these guys, I mean,

so they, you were like staying in the cellar. They kind of got these, these, these dudes out. Yeah. But this these guys, I mean, so they, you were like staying in the cellar. They kind of got these dudes out. But this guy, the main guy, the main interrogator, the instigator, he like kept coming back. And he's like, I just want to talk to him. I just want to shake his hand. No, you don't. I just want to shake his hand.

I just want to shake his, no. And I was at the perfect height where I'm like, I just wanted to kick somebody. Yeah. I've been practicing my kicks because i was i go in and out of like martial arts classes and yeah like my wife teases me because i'll do them for a while then i'll stop them then i'll do them then i'll stop them and i'm like i just want to what kind of what kind of martial arts just like the tiger showman nothing like like i'm nothing like my fuck is doing grappling and shit yeah but kicking

that's what we got we're tall that's what we got we don't use it like right now i'm taking muay thai and i'm like oh i want to fucking learn how to use these legs i would love to see it so so eagle eagle is there i don't know if you ever met eagle he's a great comic he's a thug eagle wit we'll have him on someday and um he's like they're complimenting him Eagle's trying to defuse them But they're also being like Eagle you were good Whenever they don't like a comic They say you were good

And Eagle's also like Taking that compliment He's like thank you very much I appreciate that I appreciate it Back the fuck up I just want to shake his hand I just want to shake his hand

And just you know Understand I want to understand And he kept like Then he would leave He'd stand on the corner And then he'd come back I just want to shake his hand

Just waiting for Monroe to leave. Oh, God. And they would not let me leave. Because they know me enough to know that I feed in their goofiness. Yeah. Yeah. I love that they call it goofiness. That's the kindest word for scary violence on McDougal.

What time is this all unfolding? This is like one in the morning, I believe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is like the last time fighting time. Yeah. This is like the last- Prime fighting time. Yeah. And what's the name of the woman who's running the floor there? I don't know if we can say her name. Oh, sure.

But I saw her the next day. I went again to the cellar, and she didn't know who the fuck I was. Because it was just a commotion. And you were like, I just stand up. I almost took- Yeah, I stood up. I'm a stand-up. Stand-up guy.

Stand-up comic. Joe Marcus Oresi. Yeah, no, she did the right thing because she knows me well enough. And then also, Nico, they just know I feed in this shit. Yeah. You know what I mean? So they were just like, nah, stay the fuck back there. Don't you come out.

It got to the point where I had to get a ride to my car. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Because they wouldn't let me leave. They were like, nope, nope, nah, stay here until we close. And then I had to get a ride to my car. Closest I ever got at LOL, it was a Saturday night. It was early in the comedy.

I'll go down in LOL right here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And this was back pre-pandemic Saturday night, sold out, packed. Yeah. And there was a group of dudes and this one guy had a very bright golden grill. Yeah. And they were like talking like crazy and I foolishly get up on stage

and I like, I made a joke about his grill. I forget what I said, but I was like, I was like, and he said, what the fuck did you just say? And thank God,

someone on the other side of the room spilled a glass and I was like, you scared that guy over there. I got a laugh. I moved glass. And I was like, you scared that guy over there. I got a laugh. I moved on. I was terrified. I think you'd be bad in a fight.

Yeah, for sure. I think I think you would talk. And then I think when they started storming you, you'd like do that thing back away. And then I think you try to use your legs, but it wouldn't work like you think it would. You're planning your head doesn't match the plan that your body has. The moment he caught my first leg, I'd go like, oh, no. I wasn't anticipating. You'd just throw it out there.

And then it'd be a lot of going around the perimeter of the room, just trying to find an exit. What's the most physical act that you've ever done? It's me getting my ass kicked in a fight. I thought about it a lot. Well, there used to be a security guy there. let him go the big dude no i i heard that he was making so much off unemployment he was he was like no why would i not make sense but he was i mean he rarely rarely did shit he was always hitting on people absolutely that's the perks of being a security guard that you hope you don't

fight and you can get some ass on the side he went for it, every kind of ass any ass that would have him and there was one time someone almost rushed me at LOL, he did nothing he was making sure the wife was signing the check that was it

what do you mean? when I went off when I was leaving the showroom, he rams me. He's like, you fucking make fun of me there? And I, like, look towards him. Yeah. And he was, like, leaning over, flirting with some woman. What did you make fun of him about?

I called him. Like, they were heckling. They were heckling really bad. And he looked like Steve Buscemi on meth or something. And he really did. Yeah. He really. It was one.

I don't get those. I don't have those thoughts very fast. But this one was right on the money yeah and he was hurt by that he was hurt by that oh good for you thank you man yeah i'm not always good i'm not always we've talked about it before i get too mean yeah all of a sudden i say shut the fuck up in a little bit too not in a fun way well you're tall no so you gotta realize like your height also adds that extra level of aggression like you may not think you're coming off aggressive but to them they're like oh i gotta i gotta get ready you're fucking

big ass dude yeah yeah yeah you're like six five at least yeah i mean a lot of people i think don't fuck with me because i'm tall yeah it makes new york in general like not feel as worrisome yeah yeah um well again thank you you for being here, Monroe. I have lots. I watched all your stand-up leading up to this. Thank you. Thank you. But you're always a great stand-up comedian.

I always admired you at LOL because you would work shit out at LOL in a really pure way where I was like, fuck, I want to be that. Yeah, because I don't like that place. So I work shit out in spite of. Like, I'm just like, I can't come here and try to kill if i try to kill then i'm gonna just get stuck here so let me just fucking go up there yeah and use it to just eat shit and be bad and try to get like one or two laughs with some new shit and that's why i would do it but then when you get that little that little spot pay and it takes like a week you're like what the fuck is going

on? This doesn't make no sense. I always want to do that. And then there's a couple of people, Ken Boyd will walk in and he'll, I'll be trying new stuff and it will be bombing. And then for the back of the room, he'll yell boo and word you stink. And I go- Ken will say that to you?

Yeah, sometimes. Like playfully? A mix, a mix. We're friendly and now I'll you? Yeah, sometimes. Like playfully? A mix. A mix. We're friendly. And now I'll say to him, Ken, I'm trying to work out new material. Get the fuck out of here.

And he'll leave. Okay. But he'll come in and he'll say that. And there's that side of me being like, oh, I can kill. I'll kill. You want to see me kill, Ken? I think you need to get the fuck out of there. You're a very funny guy. Yeah, I appreciate it.

I said that to you when I got there. I was like, oh, this motherfucker's really funny. Why is he here? I'm like, get out of here, yo. You've always been very nice. I remember seeing you during the drive-in show. Yeah. Jay Nog's drive-in show.

Mm-hmm. You've always been very kind. So, again, we talk about all the negatives of your life. Yeah, let's go. You seem like a very positive person. I try to be. That's practiced is yeah you gotta practice it don't come naturally there's a lot of dark shit I feel like there's a lot of dark thoughts in my mind

I've lived a very dark real life and then I'm still and I still have those people in my life I still have negative people in my life and I'm like I like listen to motivational speakers I try to meditate yeah who do you listen to who are your people right now um who do i like i like a couple of people i gotta actually can i get on my phone yeah you can on your phone where's my phone at i just feel

like so many motivation who's the one recently got i have me too it always always the wrong word always feels like you're just because they didn't get me too. Who's that big dude? They me too'd. Who's the big dude? Yeah, exactly, exactly. They me too'd. Are you talking about Tony Robbins? Tony Robbins. You ever see Tony Robbins? I like Tony Robbins in the beginning.

Now he's selling a product. Yeah. So it's different. But I try to take the message. I like Tony Robbins. I listen to Napoleon Hill. I listen to, like, there's a guy. His name is Eric Thomas.

He's really good. What is the name? What is the name? Brene Brown. I listen to whoever says the, like whoever just like says some shit that I can go, all right,

that makes sense. I'm always trying to walk in the light. Me and my friends always go, I'll be like, how you doing? They'll be like, I'm walking in the light. Can you imagine if you asked me

how I was doing as a Russell? I'm just walking in the light. Yeah, but that you asked me how I was doing as a wrestler? I'm just walking in the light. Yeah, but that's only, you ain't gonna say that to a stranger. You gotta say that to somebody you know. Like, oh, my friend,

like, we've been in this, this is a business full of rejection and if you dealt with shit before, like, hardships before that and then you get in a business,

sorry, let me get No, no, no, you're great. I just always And then you get into a business full of rejection and you think everything is personal.'m like you got to start finding some peace you know what i mean you got to start being like all right i got to figure out how to get like

just like a timeout zone in my head i think it's good yeah i think i just have like there was a time where i could do it and then now i get like cynical like my therapist for example she recommended something called 10 happier what the hell is that i'm listening it's just a meditation program it's a meditation app oh i know what you're talking about yeah and it's just it's just like to meditate more i've been thinking about you know anxiety and all that stuff and uh i immediately i'm like some silicon valley company that took meditation which was like an art i guess probably from other corrupt people. And now it's this app and people are getting rich off it.

And it's like being run by the, it's, you know, it's, it's owned by fortune 500 companies have a stake in the investment and they're just trying to get me hooked. I like immediately dismiss it. I know that's not good. Also, they can be all those things and also really like meditation because you can be, you know, that's the thing about it you so you can use it if it's helpful and like also be like fuck these guys at the same time do you know what i mean meditation is free that's why i don't get why people are being

charged for that shit like all these like headspace apps and all this shit i'm like why are you charging people to get a peace of mind sometimes it's just you invent you because you pay it you do it it's like the same with like working out like you can go you can go to the gym of course but if you take a class you're like i paid 30 bucks i better look good in this class yeah no i get that um so what you grew up where do you grow up i grew up in philly in philly but i grew up in philly i'm from philadelphia i grew up all over pa because i bounced around foster care. And now when did you first, were you first put into foster care? I want to say at like six or seven. Wow.

And do you remember before that time? Yeah, absolutely. It was shitty. Yeah? Were you just with your mom? I've heard a little bit, but were your parents together? Well, my parents, so my mom and dad were together but i don't really remember like my mom would tell the ship like yeah your dad was in the army and then no the navy your dad was in the

navy and we would be on base with him and i'm like i don't remember that but i do remember you being on the run from him and like us having to hide out in the back seat of a green beretta and she's like that too that's what I remember. And you were on the run. Was he? Because my dad was abusive. Yeah? Yeah.

Was he drinking drugs or just abusive without it? I don't know. I think that's just his natural disposition. I think that's just what he liked doing. He was the drug dealer. My mom was a drug addict. Oh, I see. Yeah.

It's a kind of love story, I guess. I'm fine with talking about it. Of course. No. Is that how they met originally? No. Well, they met in like one of those youth build programs. You know what I'm talking about?

No. Like a work-ready program. Yes. Where if you don't have plans for college, you can do a year of service where you'll like help fix houses and like that you know i think it was like um uh like it's called youth works or something like that or work ready program so they met there then he went off to college and then the navy it was like i always go his life was the in reverse like he went to a good school i think he told me he went to like northwestern or some goofy shit.

That's a great school. Because my grandma on his side wasn't a dumb woman. She's smart. She was a cook for the Pentagon and shit like that. She was smart. Yeah. Right? And it's like, well, how do you produce that?

Yeah. All the other kids are like- I didn't get into Northwestern. That's impressive to me. So I'm like But I don't know It's just It was a money hungry dude

And would do anything for money So then Oh sorry I guess we'll get to it I was just gonna say What I was curious about your relationship With your parents

Well I have a relationship With my mom I don't have a relationship With my dad I don't like Me and my dad don't talk at all We try But it's just like

Yeah We're the same person really i mean yeah we both get heated very quickly and it's just like and i'm in the right when it comes to him like whatever i get mad at i'm like i'm right because you like you weren't around when i was younger so if i curse you out i'm cursing you out you just got to take that shit yeah yeah right but my mom she's always like she was always like in the in the shadows because uh she never surrendered her rights so even though i was in foster care i would still get like weekend visits or day passes and shit like that but we we were cool but we're not like hey mom man let's kiss. It's like, oh, I love her. This is my mom. This is like a friend.

Yeah. So you're six years old. Six years old. And who decides, oh, you have to be put into foster care? My grandma. Well, it wasn't the decision. It was more of a, my grandma told me. She said she thought she was doing the right thing

because she's a church lady, and most of the women at the church have foster kids and like she's like oh well this can't be a bad program like i know these people they seem like they're doing the lord's work so my grandmother is the one that was like all right well your mom's on drugs she's always leaving you me and my sister at different people's homes i'm just put these kids in the system so she called and she didn't want to just take care of you. Nah, she was a young grandma, so she had shit to do. My grandma was a young grandma. So one day, younger sister or older sister?

I'm the oldest, so it was younger sister. But we're like Irish twins. She's like a year and some change younger than me. That's what Irish twins are. Irish twins are. You barely, you were able to like, you had a baby and then immediately. some change younger than me yeah that's what irish twins are irish twins are barely barely yeah you were able to like you had your sister i thought you said your your grandma and i was like no no no no i was like your grandma's younger than you and i was like holy shit your family's

fucked up yeah somebody has a time machine yeah yeah they got infinity stones so she puts you into foster care do you remember being like i cool or you well i don't really remember shit because like i said i don't remember it being a change or just anything really feeling different because i was already crashing with strangers like my mom i didn't know my mom's friends she would just go oh this is your cousin and then i'm like all right I'm at these people's house. And then she disappears for like maybe like a couple days to a week. And then I'm just with these people.

And then she comes. And then on to the next person's house. Like we didn't have a place of our own. You know what I mean? Do you get the concept of like drugs at that age? Like what was going on with your mom? Or were you just like, my mom's weird? Yeah, no, I didn't think it it was i didn't know anything about drugs i didn't know about like crack and alcohol or

anything like that i just thought all right well these motherfuckers seem like they're going through the same thing this seems normal to them they never made me seem out of place you know what i mean yeah like i grew up in an area where just like when people cooked, they cooked for the block. So they didn't really just cook for their they may have had kids, but they're like putting on like hot dogs and baked beans or a gigantic pot. And the kids from down the street can come eat. So it didn't feel different. It didn't feel like I was out of place. I was just like, OK, this is what everybody's doing. And then when I went to go live with my first foster parent, then it kind of hit me because my sister didn't come with me.

It was like, oh. I was like, wait, what? They were like, oh, you're going to this lady's house? And I had my clothes in a bag, and it was a stranger that came and picked me up and brought me to the house. And I'm just looking like, so where's my sister going to be? And they're like, oh, well, she's going to Harrisburg. So they separated us immediately.

That's traumatizing. I mean, yeah. In foster care, do they ever put the siblings together? Yeah, but they do. They definitely do that, but it helps. I think it's easier for them to get a family if it's separate, right? Because nobody really wants to take on two kids. Like, my first foster parent was, like, a senior citizen.

Do you know what I mean? Like, she was an old lady. Older than your grandpa. Like, older than my grandmother. She was already in, like, her 70s. You know what I mean? Yeah. And, like, so she couldn't

handle me and my sister yeah yeah even though she ended up getting another foster care uh like another foster kid like i guess like a couple months later which made me go you could have brought my fucking sister in here but yeah nah some people don't really even want to take girls like some people think it's easier to take boys because like there's a whole nother level of like things you got to worry about like i don't want to get too dark but a lot of shit happens to little girls in foster care sure you know what i mean like a lot of dark shit and people don't want to have that in their conscious so they're like i'd rather just have a boy and then less to worry about yeah people don't worry about boys either but yeah shit happens to boys too shit happens to boys a lot but they don't think

that they go out they tell me not gonna happen to them a girl who has a vagina and it's priceless and people are always trying to get that shit so they like yeah um how many uh how many homes did you were you in all together including group homes and kinship care, which means you live with family members. 14. And I was in 14 places, and I was in foster care for 15 years. Wow. Okay, so. I say reverse.

15 homes, 14 years. So when you are with this first lady, does she commit like, oh, I'd like him for a year? Is the hope that it's until you're an adult? Well, the hope is until my mom gets her shit together. That's really what it is. Foster care is supposed to be a temporary solution until they find a permanent thing, which either is foster to adopt or they place you with your biological family, whether that be like your mom, your dad, your aunt, your uncles, your grandma, whomever.

And is your grandma the one in charge of deciding your mom's ready? Did your mom want you back? No, so now that's up to the courts. So what happens is once you're in the system, it's like you get like, I don't know. I tried to make this a joke. It don't make no sense. But I was like, I've had agents since I can remember. Because you have lawyers and agents, right?

Basically have your social worker who's your manager. The social worker is the person who like you see, you're supposed to see them like maybe like on the every two week basis or once a month and they come in and you talk to them they they see how you're doing in the house and how you're doing in school and they come up with a lesson plan to make sure that you stay on the straight and narrow then you have a child advocate which is your lawyer somebody who teams up with your manager and they go to court for you to like to discuss the longer term which is like all right he's good despite his situation with his mom and how she's doing so maybe we'll try to get him in these programs and stuff like that so you got the agent

and you got the manager and then there's other people involved but i didn't really know who they were who they were it was just like you know what i mean like if i go in a group home you got like staff members then then there's an extra person that runs the facility so i've always been surrounded by people telling me what to do so this first woman how long were you with her uh in my mind i feel like it was a long time but i think it was only probably like a year and some change. Did you like her? I mean, she was fine.

She had a mean son. Yeah. Yeah, she had a mean older son who just like, you know what I mean? He was probably an adult, right? Yeah, he was a grown-ass man. He was in the Army, so he would come back and forth to check on his mom, and he would sleep in the basement. And I'm like a kid, but I guess he would like come back and forth to like check on his mom and he would like sleep in the basement and i'm like a kid but he like i guess he would try to be like oh no i'm gonna

toughen you up so he like punched me in my chest and shit oh god wow and um i have so many questions did you have so as you're going through this, did you have any, what did you want? What were you, were you, was there a party that wanted your grandma to take you? Did you want, hey, I hope my mom. It probably changed a lot, right? I don't know. Like, depending on the day or depending on the situation. Honestly, I don't even know what I wanted.

Because like I said, like, it wasn't like the situation before foster care was better. You know what I wanted. Cause like I said, like it wasn't like the situation before foster care was better. You know what I mean? Like I still like, it was still like growing up, like in an abusive home. Like my mom, like I will say like my mom wasn't abusive, but she was abused.

You know what I mean? So you grew up in that environment and then you go into another environment where it's just like similar shit. So I didn't know what I wanted. You know what I mean? Yeah. I knew what I didn didn't want but i didn't know what i was like looking for and i'm like i want a family with this and grass because i didn't grow up in that area where everybody was fine like you know what i mean yeah everybody else was going through their same shit like i seen a lot of single moms a lot of dads that weren't shit and in the reverse so i couldn't

like oh i want the perfect family when i don't have a real concept of what the perfect family is yeah and what is the incentive for the woman that took you in she's getting money yeah yeah yeah she gets uh so basically the government will give her a stipend right she'll get a check to cover all her losses sorry excuse me how big a check are we talking here not that much maybe like like 500 a month but it's just a cover yeah it's just to cover the food i eat the clothes that i need and like just like my supplies to make sure they're not coming out of their pocket for anything and most of them are on government assistance anyway but what ends up happening is they just take that money and try to give you the the the most simplest cheap

yeah because they're like all right well if i'm getting five let me see if i can make this shit work on a hundred was that all of them did i feel like everyone was doing that or was anyone like the majority yeah there was a majority of them there were some people who were great and they didn't give a fuck like it was this lady named miss pearl i love her to death i don't know if she's still alive or anything but it was like she didn't like she was like the first person to give me a lounge i was a teen at the time so like she introduced me to my friends who i have now who i'm like still friends with to this day um she gave me allowance like the money that she was getting she was like i don't need this shit like i own my house

like yeah you know what i mean was she doing it for the companionship because she was just like it was in her heart she was a good person um yeah and she would just she gave me allowance she would let me like buy whatever i wanted she didn't really teach me about money though she let me get a job which a lot of people didn't let you get a job because money is freedom and the moment you get money they think you won't respect their authority anymore so a lot of them were like nah you don't need a job focus on your school but she was like do both and plus i was horrible at school anyway yeah so if it's you were 15 places in 14 years so so that i mean when you go into a place is there a time limit or just it's kind of like what they have circumstances and things that

they just were like uh i gotta move on and you get moved on yeah it's exactly that where it's it's just based on they feel it out the whole time so sometimes it's your time to go cause it's just like

oh you was here for a year we're gonna put you in another place or whatever and then sometimes it's like behavioral you're not like gelling well

cause I'm like I wasn't a bad kid but I wasn't an angel either definitely had like anger problems definitely didn't know how to communicate like properly and they didn't know how to either because you were in 15 different homes yeah but they never really think about this shit they go you need to respect me it's like one i don't know you uh-huh and then also this is like this is the norm the moment you like start to feel like you know someone they're like

next play you know like it's so like the thing it's yeah yeah so this woman you liked pearl you said her name yeah miss pearl so miss pearl was did you like her so much did any of hers anyone else you're like i hope they adopt me well no i know we knew that wasn't the case it wasn't gonna your mom never yeah no my mom wasn't giving up her rights. My mom always had hope of getting her shit together, and she did. She definitely did. But at that point, I was like 16 years old. But then what happened was I got into it with her husband at the time.

Yeah, he accused me of something that i didn't do because i wasn't even home like i was always out like i was i was at that point in my life where i'm like i have my friends now me and my friends we like going to the mall we like going to the movies we like hanging over each other's houses so i leave school and i go to their home you know what i mean and then i come home and it was the summertime where i had like a weekend visit and i was supposed to be over there for the weekend i came home put my shit home i mean put my shit in the room and then went all this they lived in south philly and i went all the way to north philly which is like coming here from queens yeah it's a completely different part of the

city and he accused me of like breaking something in the house i'm like i wasn't even fucking there and i said that to him i'm just like he's like you did this and blah blah blah and you probably was trying to sneak girls in here and i was like nigga i wasn't even here what the fuck are you talking about i said it just like that i'm like get the fuck out of here and then he lunged at me and fucking like tried to choke me and then my sister came out of nowhere and put a knife to her throat. Like, she getting real. God damn. God damn.

My sister's a writer. Wow. That is, right, how, like this? Like, straight to, like, get the fuck off him. Ooh. I gotta say, was this the first time you met him? No, like, he seemed cool in the beginning. I was gonna say, wild move to be like,

let me introduce you to my son. He was like, how? Choking him out. And was your sister was also doing a foster this like she did as many homes as you like yeah well no my sister she was in foster homes but i think she was in group homes way longer than she was in foster care like i was only in like let me see oh shit it's getting long i was in five maybe six she was in like three talk to me about group homes versus was group homes generally better is it a whole different they vary they vary some of them are more like behavioral clinics you know behavioral clinic yeah so just

like everybody's walking around and like sweatpants and t-shirts and slippers and like that that sounds nice yeah like everybody's looking like everybody's dressed in easy season but i lived in those places where it was like that and then i had some places where um you can dress in like normal clothes and like that it was like that and then i had some places where um you can dress in like normal clothes and shit like that it was like acres it wasn't just like a home oh it was like acres where it was just like like goddamn like mike tyson's mansion like you remember his old mansion how big that shit was you ever seen pictures of it i think i've seen pictures is this like owning the tigers face yeah it's just like acres and acres one place was like 180 acres that was their claim to fame wow that they were like we're the biggest uh we're the biggest group home residential facility in pa and there's 180 acres and they had like a boy's cottage a girl's cottage um uh like a uh like kid like

a cottage for kids like under seven like that yeah yeah i mean honestly it sounds fun in its own ways like it sounds like camp all the time but it was the staff that was the problem because staff are really like the thing that people don't really talk about is like people always talk about the police abusing their power but i'm like no there's my anybody with power who don't know how to handle it abuses that shit because there would be like staff members doing illegal choke holds on kids and choking them out kids died yeah they were like fucking like like like put them in full nelson's and slam them on their face and like kids would like break their face and break their jaw and break their arms and shit like that. Like for real.

They had to have like retrained staff and fire people. It get dark. Do you ever get any? You got to shower with. It's a communal shower. So it's not like you're like going to shower in your own bedroom. It's just like, all right, right wing. It's like you have like the cottages was broken up in the shower in your own bedroom but just like all right right wing it was like you had like the cottages was broken up in the wings so it'd be like maybe like four different wings and

like each wing had to had a different time that they had to shower and if you didn't shower then you had to wait until the night time so you had to like wake up at like 6 30 be showered by seven downstairs by like 7 30 and then you ate breakfast and you're at school by 8 it was just like boom boom boom boom it was just like a line did you ever get into any physical stuff or did you know how to play the game yeah no

but I learned how to play the game later cause you get tired of keep getting into physical shit yeah you know what I mean like it was like you fought just because people be like what the fuck you looking at fuck you looking at and now y'all fighting for no reason and it was just like a bunch of goofiness and just like you know what i mean a bunch of hurt people hurting each other and shit like that and then eventually i developed a sense of humor and i was like

goofy and just figured out how to get out of situations because you don't want to keep fighting to say you usually fight the same person or you fight his group of friends yeah and this is the same shit over and over again so like i don't got time for this shit i was gonna ask was doing stand-up on your radar at this at any point of this no that's just like you just like developed a sense of humor and that's yeah secondary to survival you know like yeah i developed a sense of humor to kind of like keep me in the homes yeah that sounds like you know what i mean like yeah it's funny so you can be like a joy to have and they're like oh he's so funny christ that's so much better than your reason oh my god this reason is like you know girls never liked me. Oh, I wanted a home. Oh, Jesus.

Maybe I make him laugh tonight, but let me say one more weekend. Yo, I'm serious. You gotta put on that act. You gotta, you're like, alright, what's my five for the night? I'm gonna talk about how school is crazy. Oh, man.

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did you get to see your sister i've seen my sister this is because it's also like pre cell phones now that i guess there's a time where like you could at least always text yeah this this new bitch is crazy yeah but like nah we didn't get the cell i think i got a cell phone i got like somehow my mom's a hustler so she would get a shit like she wouldn't she would didn't provide a home but she knew how to get his like cell phones and shit so she got me like the first cell phone that was like a brick and then the yeah thing flipped down to like expose the keypad and shit like that and i had that um i think i was like a brick and then the yeah thing flipped down to like expose the keypad and shit like that and i had that um i think i was like about to go to high school or was in high school at the time but the the relationship with me and my sister we like we really worked on it because uh

i didn't get to see her as much like if she's in the group home and i'm in a foster home you got to schedule the visit to go see her. And she has to be on good behavior or they'll take the visits away because those things are like merit based. You know what I mean? If you got a string of behavioral problems, it's like, all right, well, we dropped your level down to one. So sorry, she can't visit this week. And then it's just like phone calls and like you call the group home and then you talk to her for like 20 minutes or whatever. But we got cooler once I got into high school. She moved in with my mom.

So she ended up moving in with my mom. And then I would just like me and her go to the movies. We would like go to the mall or whatever. And then when I got my own place, she came to live with me for a little bit. That's nice. Yeah. And she's still around here? No, she don't live in New York.

She still lives in Philly. She never lived in New York. Yeah. Yeah. But you're still very close. Yeah, that's my homie. That's nice. Yeah.

That's good. Out of all this fucking shit, Jesus. So when you turn 18, is 18 you're done with all this shit? Well, I did something smart, right? Because I was terrible in school like i barely graduated because i got in trouble the last year of school where i'll talk about that later i got in trouble the last year of school so i had to go to a behavioral school and i was too smart for the behavioral school so they were just like look

you know the teacher this is how fucked up shit is the teacher was like there's no point in you coming to class like here i'll give you the i'll give you the packet for the week and you just drop it off every friday and all you have to do is just come in you scan your your id because you have to have an id and you scan into school yeah i was scanning the school and then i would just be skipping with the other kids like we would either go to the gym like hang out in the gym area or just like go to somebody's house and like play playstation all day and then we would just do our homework packet that monday and turn it in that friday and then because behavioral schools can't give out a diploma i had to go to summer school and the summer school was the same thing where the teacher was just like all right y'all just show up Friday just

to sign in and turn in your test or whatever and then I got my diploma like that yeah yeah I got my shit like that and then it was just like but I didn't have any like I didn't have a plan so I found out I was in this after-school program called the Aic achieving independence center and it's a work-ready program so basically it's really good they teach you like um they try to get you certified in as much shit like i was a plus certified before you know what a plus certified is no it's a it's a thing that you have to get in order to get like IT jobs and you gotta go to school like people have to go to school

and get like associates degrees and shit to like become A plus certified like you gotta I learned how to like build PCs from scratch like take motherboards and build them up and like do shit like that so I got A plus certified early on

and like you get in the culinary programs you they have like college ready programs where they try to find you scholarships and all that shit and i got into like community college but i really didn't have the grades to go to like a good like a actual school so i found out about this program called SIL which is Supervised Independent Living which basically you'll get an apartment for free but all you have to do is maintain a job and be in school and I did that

so when I turned I was 19 at the time I was in my last foster home about to age out there and there and there was only one program with an opening and it was like what they really only like house girls they don't really like take on guys and I was like well fuck it I still want to interview I interviewed they liked me I got in and I was like one of maybe like four dudes out of the

whole program and I got my own place and then I was there until 21 and that gave me some time to like at least figure out shit and at that time that's when I really started doing comedy when I was like alright I should try to my friends would tell me I'm funny and then I had a foster parent

named Miss White who was like her name was like Shirley White and we used to watch like stand up comedy and all that shit like just every night. You know what I mean?

And then one day out of nowhere, we were just watching and she was like, I can see you doing something like this. And I was like, really? And she was like, yeah, I don't know what else you do with your life, but she was like, you need to try that. And I was like, okay. This is extra scary because stand-up is so chaotic. It's just scary because stand-up is so chaotic. Yeah. And there's a whole group of stand-up people like me who, like, come into it from a backdrop of security.

Yeah. Financial security, parental security. Yeah. And so to enter that chaos after you've, like, fucking navigated this nightmare of a system. But in some ways, it's like you're prepared for it. You're like, oh, oh what's gonna happen here like you know the uncertainty of like not getting a spot

you know what I mean like yeah you gotta go on the road like when people go oh you know the life of a comic is tough

it's a lonely one I'm like eh ain't that lonely it's like I get to go on the road and sleep in different hotel rooms every fucking night

and get paid for it I'm like I was I was living it up my first couple years on the road and sleep in different hotel rooms every fucking night you pay for it i'm like i was i was living it up my first couple years in the world i'll go swimming in every hotel i was in i would i would live it up i would like go to the mall and buy sneakers and all that shit i was having a good time you know if i will say my life got significantly better once i started doing comedy like i don't think of i can't think of any other like profession that would allow me to do the shit I've done a comedy like I've been to China I've been Italy I've been to Mexico like I've traveled yeah you tell jokes about my life so I'm like this is the best

shit ever like even though it's like as its ups and downs and it gets to you at times but I'm like I don't know any other I can't think of any other life that would uh any other career or life choice that i could have made that would allow me to do like building computers you don't travel you know what i mean i'm not parties but fucking dave chappelle is there i'm like yeah this is fucking great yeah yeah i'm like this is great i'll argue with drunk strangers every once in a while if if this is the reward. Yeah. Sure. You know what I mean? That's why.

It's like if those guys knew this story, your story at all, I should be like, we're going to shut the fuck up. We're going to buy this guy a drink. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Now,

looking at the foster program in its entirety. It's fucked up. It's fucked up. Yeah. is it good that it was there do you wish like what what needs to happen obviously it's so complicated i'm happy i was i can't say i'm happy but it's like one of those things where it's just like the the opposite of that it was like we were in the hood hood we were like in like 32nd and norris which is like probably one of the shittiest parts of north philadelphia it was like i drove my wife down there just to be like oh look where i'm from she was like about to cry is that like where

the fresh prince was playing basketball or is this like not well he was in west philly west philly west philly there's parts of west philly that are terrible like down the bottom and all that shit whereas it's like they rob college students like because you got like upenn and drexel that aren't too far yeah so they go and just be like yo give it up and the same thing with uh the north philly that you got temple i believe i think lasalle is like, there or at least close. I'm not sure. There's other colleges that are there, but that's a pretty rough area.

Like, you know what I mean? Like, I show, like, all the houses look condemned and shit like that. And I was, like, me and my wife were going to visit a friend. I was, like, hey, like, let's just go this way. And we was driving. I'm, like, oh, this is the house that I used to live at with my, oh, sorry. I'm'm like oh this is the house that i used to live out my oh sorry i'm like this is the house i used to live out my grandma and this and that and she was just like did it look like that when you lived i was like absolutely she's like oh my god she's like i'm so sorry like did you had to go through

that i'm like why i'm here now oh where'd she go she grew up in Queens but she grew up in like apartments and shit like that like it's like it was with the same family the whole time yeah you know what I mean

she had a mom and a dad or brother you know what I mean she has a very small family she definitely went through her shit but she was just like man my life

ain't compared to yours she was just like I'm I don't know how to she's like she goes I don't know how you still talk to your mom

let's talk to your family. That's what she always used to say. And you're in therapy now? No, absolutely not. That's why I always try to do other classes. You don't want to do therapy? No. Why?

I use that shit because I don't know. I feel like I can just talk about it on stage, make it funny, talk through it. I don't know. There's a fear. Talk to me about the fear. I'm so curious about the fear because like you're in this story,

I'm like, again, there's bad therapists. There's bad everything. There's a bad everything in the world. I also think therapy, like, you know,

if he has a system that is therapy for himself, whether it's doing stuff on stage and then listening to those kind of things and if that covers the ground can be preemptive in general it's just like there's so much to talk about like there's someone who like went through the foster care system like you know wouldn't be every therapist who could fucking understand yeah half the shit i guess i don't know i don't know i'm like you with the um with the apps and shit with the 10 happier thing where i'm just like i understand it's just a job for them and sometimes they don't listen and i'd rather you know what i mean and i'm

like i don't know i was just i was just thinking about this the other day i was like i can't think like sometimes it would be so funny just if you came in and they're just like what today do you know what i mean like how could like because you know there's some part of their brain sometimes that like that person sits down and if it's been the same kind of thing too many weeks in a row they're like jesus fucking christ you know like what today yeah but that's me but for you you'd be like which family is it today there's a long no but even like you know after a certain point like if they're hearing that from the same person week in and week out there's gotta be a thing at some point where they're like some i tried to do it recently and the motherfucker yawned i guess it was it was

via uh like the the whole zoo thing i hate soup therapy sir you have have to. Nah, I'm not coming back to this shit. I had to think about it, too. I was like, nah, I'm not coming back. You got to turn that on. You got to cover that up. Turn the video off. Click your camera off or something. Do the thing where you're like, swallow it.

You can't do that. I don't know. I'd rather just talk to people. No worries. Just talk to people. No worries. I think the Zoom therapy, Tovo started with it with the BetterHelp, which is, again, BetterHelp is like for me it's a meditation app.

It's like it's too many too quickly. People yawning. And they're overbooking themselves. It's like Uber for therapy. And I'm like, well, these aren't the best drivers. We live in the gig economy right now. And I just can't assume that everybody's heart is in it. And I just don't want to go through it. Yeah, but you find the person whose heart is in the gig economy right now and i just can't assume that everybody's heart is in it and i just don't want to yeah but you find the person whose heart is in it that's my answer but i feel like then that person is going to come natural right like i don't know like we're

gonna walk in a room one day and they're gonna say hey one day some i feel like maybe like i'm in the audience like i'm doing comedy and then there's gonna be a therapist in the audience and they're gonna be like scouting yeah they yeah scouting for this entertaining i did a show in philly and i was talking about my life but not not like how i'm talking about it now and she was like oh i'm a i'm an art therapist and yada yada yada and she was like oh you seem like a good person to talk to i was like i live in new york i'm sorry i'm not coming to do this but i'm like that's really funny imagine her just going to comedy shows trying to find she's like it's a good idea no you find the poorest clients around town

that's how i i did uh there's something like an institute where this woman she was getting her like some other degree and so i got it i got to save my income which at the time was zero and i got like two therapy sessions a week for 30 bucks each week that's one spot did you have to do therapy as a kid my parents so my parents put me in therapy at different points and i had bad therapists like i had one for me the yawning this woman she like ate in front of me yeah it was like food that smelled and like something about yeah that no internally i was like i was detached it's no good no yeah yeah she's doing she's doing a job and yeah and i didn't want it when i was a kid like i was i was just playing with action figures and they'd be like so is the green ranger your stepdad and i was like get the fuck out of here i'm just playing with toys yeah yeah i went through the same shit

because when you're in group home when you're in group home it's mandatory like you have to everybody does like a once a week everybody like meets with the therapist or whatever so i had to in that and i just felt like we never talked about the shit that was like really affecting me it was always like why are you lashing out why it's your your your your numbers dropped on the behavioral chart what's your relationship like with the other kids it's like bitch my mom's on drugs i'm in this motherfucking place for no reason let's talk about that shit that's the answer to every question yeah my mom's on drugs but i felt like it was never like we never addressed a problem and that was it i was just

like all right how am i going back to this shit and then i had and then i did it again like a couple years like i did it again like a couple years ago and it was fine but i was sleepy like we would be talking i was like this motherfucker this is boring yeah you know what i mean like you just be there. Are you bored with yourself or bored with him? Just with him. Like, I don't know.

Like, it's just weird. Just like, all right. He's just like, and I learned some shit on like, you know,

every once in a while. Like, I'm like, the root of my problems usually is I try to control everything. I try to control everything and the outcome of the shit and you can't.

You drive your fucking self crazy because there's so many variables and things that can happen that is just going like shit ain't gonna work out but i've always been like no i need to do this i need to do this and this needs to happen i need to control how this person feels about me and that that that and that would always like put me in these like this mindset of like i'm just always angry. So I got something out of it. But the rest of the shit, I was like, this is boring. I think it's funny.

I'm going to take these little nuggets and then keep it moving. Yeah. And are you hoping to have a family? Yeah. Yeah. I'm not in a rush. I saw that bit that you did where you went to a diagnostic center. Was that true?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You got your jizz checked out. I had to. Well, it was a whole center was that true yeah yeah yeah you got your your jizz checked out i had to well it was a whole thing so yeah like they say jizz in this i say check out his jizz they're like can you jizz in this cup for me and i'm like are you sure you just don't want me to produce a specimen yeah no uh my wife has her own little thing she has pcos and then i had varical seal so i had to get i had to get the surgery to get the varical seal reversed but in order to do that you gotta like they check the testosterone like your free testosterone so there's the testosterone that's just i guess that's just like that you have but the free one is like the one that's like what like gives you your your

your sex drives and your muscles and all that other shit and i guess that was low so they were like all right what we'll do is we'll just do the varicose seal and then hopefully that will boost your testosterone and also your your semen count so i had to do all this shit. I don't lie when I'm on stage. Yeah. Wait, so when you, did your testosterone increase? I think it did. You felt like you fucked more often? I feel like, yeah. You started getting stronger.

You saw him fighting people. Yeah, right? I'm like, what? Say something else. I actually feel the difference. My wife thinks I'm bullshit. And I'm like, babe, I feel the difference. My wife thinks I'm bullshit. And I'm like, babe, I feel the difference. Like, I'm like, I go to, I've been going to the gym on the regular.

I feel my body changing. I feel the amount of shit I can do. Like, I got more energy. I just feel the difference. And she's like, you're bullshit. It's a placebo. It's like, then why'd you make me get the surgery if it's bullshit? Yeah, right? Yeah. What kind of surgery surgery if it's bullshit? Yeah, right?

What kind of surgery? Was this intense surgery? Yeah, I had to get two surgeries. So the first surgery, they actually made two incisions in my groin area. And then they went through and they put two clamps on the veins that were swollen. And they clamp off the veins. And then what happens is the veins end up wilting away and dying and then what happens is it reroutes the traffic,

the blood flow to other veins. But then we went on vacation. They told us don't do shit and we still did it. They were like, he was like, don't have sex for a month. And he was like, avoid it. We're going to increase your testosterone so you're going to want it bad. So those clamps are in there the clamps are in there but i felt them pop i told my wife i was like i think it came off and she was like you're bullshitting and i'm like i think your

wife doesn't believe anything you say nothing like you now you know i hope you know this like via sex the clamps came off uh yeah i felt it to get to you know yeah I hope you know this. Wait, the clamps came off, like, via sex. The clamps came off. Yeah, I felt it. Not to get too, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Via sex. Like, I just felt it. I was like, ah, something's up. I don't, I don't, I'm like, I don't think this is going to work.

And she was like, you just got to be patient. And then, like, a year later, the ball still looked the same. She was like, yeah, I don't think that really worked. I was like, I told you. My wife don't believe shit I say, ever. Like, I can be like, oh, baby, it's raining. i can be like oh baby it's raining she's like it ain't raining oh it's raining that's the wife i have and then i had to get the second surgery i got another surgery but this time i got it from um like the the radiologist so these are the people that like like she didn't like cut me open. What she did was she did it through a needle.

So they twilighted me and then they go through like your groin. They go through your groin area with make two incisions, but they go, they go in the vein like a catheter and then they block it off. So they put shit in the vein. So she was doing what was supposed to happen before yeah okay so she didn't clamp nothing she went in the actual vein clogged it up and then i just and then like over time like you would see like my my nuts start to change because one nut was like this would be like one nut like just like look like a bag of candy worms uh-huh yeah it's like and then the other one just like regular balls so i of candy worms. Yeah. And then the other one was just like regular balls.

So I always had like one nut that was like super heavy. That was just heavy and I would always have to adjust myself and it was very uncomfortable. Wow. And it really looked significantly. It looked horrible. Did it feel like, like when I feel there's, you know, two testicles, like one felt like strange?

Like one would like hang outside of my boxers. Wow. It was long. Wow. To the point where it could easily... You know what testicular torsion is? It's when the testicle turns inside the sack. Well, I'll say it.

There was someone I knew, and I they had had sex aggressive sex and one that got torqued yeah and and they had to get a ball removed yeah and so i always and i always thought like you know every time i would like do doggy style and would like you know i there was always a thought like oh i'm i'm gonna i don't want a ball so you hold your nuts doggy style wishful thinking just like oh he's just holding his balls like don't worry don't worry you're fine but i always was just like how hard were they just imagine you being so like like like cautious no that's a fragile they're very fragile but so so when they clamped up this vein when they this one actually worked. So this surgery was maybe like a year and some change ago.

But I see the difference. I felt the difference. You know what I mean? I just felt my body starting to change and my mood starting to be a little bit more regulated. Your hormones control a lot of your mental. You know what I mean everything and what's your ball look like now it's like regular nuts it looks like regular like they're like my wife but like oh your nuts look nice yeah that's good and mind you i was in plenty of relationships before and no one's ever been like yo that's weird she's the only woman that's been like i

think something's up with your balls because she's in the medical field like she's uh she's a sonographer so she like scans like all this type of stuff she scans balls and babies and she she helps out in surgery it was just those two things she scans balls babies babies and sometimes baby balls um that was uh i want to do i want to get clips of every time we have a guest describe a medical procedure just your face as you like really really looks like you could pass out i i i feel it i feel like i i don't know why i get so i get so much you scared for either of these or were you just like do it yeah because i hate surgery but i did it for her you know what i mean that's what it really was it was just like okay this is what it takes to start a family because she's like

once a baby and shit now and i'm like i did it i'm fine like i ain't in no rush how old is she uh 32 yeah i had to think about that sometimes you gotta lie about the age yeah you know what i mean so i had to like are you how old are you i'm 35 now okay yeah yeah yeah well i i can't if i had a surgery i had one surgery in my life and it was a hernia fix and like yeah there was a lot of fears that it had broken yeah and i mean i would have just been so mad oh yeah no i wish i went so long without having surgeries to now getting older and just having ball surgery twice yeah yeah i think of when i had my appendix removed i'm thankful i was so young because it would be it would be way worse now for me to be like i mean i was in the hospital for a week which you're not supposed to be in the

hospital that long like i went yeah i went far beyond the time where i should have gone to the hospital but like i was it was like it had exploded and like gone through my body so i was like very close to like like you could have died yeah i had sepsis like so they had like a tube yeah thinking about now i had a tube that for weeks after i was done i had to clean and it like came out of my body leaking pus for weeks and i had to have smelly smelly and i had to like change it for weeks and like thinking about it i was in sixth grade at the time it wasn't that i never the concept of like oh i almost died and like that none of that really registered and like if i happen now yeah oh god and then you probably would have died if you miss it yeah right yeah just from like not wanting to go yeah

um well that was uh fantastic let's go to on our next segment this has got to stop this has got to stop this has got to stop this has got to stop where we talk about something that's that's got to stop um is there anything you can think of off the top I was always like people saying how bad because I stay on social media and everybody is just like if you're depressed talk to somebody depression can be yada yada and you know what I mean

like depression can harm a community and shit and I'm like it ain't that bad yo like it's the only time you're getting 18 hours of sleep. I'm like, some people come out better from depression. This is the only time you're getting 18 hours. Think of how many people go through their depression stage, right,

and they start wearing all black and being monochromatic, and their hair gets a little oily, but a little bit more stylish. I'm like, you're hibernating, baby. Sure. That's my standard. Some people hibernate for a long time and then permanently i gotta stop people gotta stop overselling how like yeah i was like people get depressed and they could be bad but i'm like on instagram like all y'all going through the same

oh is everybody's it's this bad for everybody i'm like i don't know i know i'm being insensitive i'm depressed i get depressed i'm like i think the thing too is that you're like in the with the pandemic and everything you're like you're like yeah yeah everyone is depressed so it is one of those things where uh i i don't yeah i know what you're saying well well yeah i think there's like because we're all trying to be like more sympathetic, like there's, it's hard sometimes to differentiate between being like sympathetic and being enabling of like bad behavior. Yeah.

Thank you. Yes. Okay. If you, look, if you need to be late to things, it's okay. If you need to cancel plans last second and not even tell them,

it's fine. It's okay to not be okay. It's like, no, you got to communicate to motherfuckers how you feel yeah and what's going on so they can act accordingly well but you can't keep acting like everybody's supposed to know what's going on inside of your fucking head well there's we talked about this before i think but there is a thing of two like

like um you know it's just it's time for me to put myself first. And you're like, that is if everyone at all times was doing that. Yeah. Horrible. Like, it's just like you're like because you're like, yes, sometimes in extreme things, if you're really blah, blah, blah. But you're like, there is a lot of that of like you're every people are everyone's given permission to be like, I need to be put first. And you're like, well, I mean, I don't know. Like we're in America,

like we're already kind of doing that. And it's, it's not for the, you know, for the better. I had, it's, it's a guest who's going to be on before we released this Caleb here on,

and his, this has got to stop was some people overusing the word trauma or not having gay for trauma. And then he, he talked to someone and they said in conversation, they said, I don't like being corrected. Like during a conversation because a teacher corrected me once in middle school and

it was very traumatizing that ain't traumatizing you got put in your place well i feel like especially you you've had these experiences that like textbook one would look at and go this is trauma yeah i've been depressed and i've been depressed i've been like back then depressed and then now depressed and i'm like there's two different depressions i'm like this depression i'm just like i'm not gonna come out of the house for a while and i'm just digging to my psyche and i'll try to get better but before it's like different and i'm like everybody can't be going through this same level of depression yeah yeah there's definitely different levels yeah yeah yeah i mean well this is this is the first episode i think we discourage therapy also even in his thing he he you try out therapy a bunch of times

like i'm depressed sometimes but but you that doesn't mean it's the reason i excuse everything but i can't tell someone i tell all the time now i'm like i'm feeling depressed yeah that's okay yeah that's just where i'm at right now yeah if you ask me how i'm doing i'm gonna say i'm not great and you don't need to fix it yeah i see someone recently i said like yeah i'm feeling a little down i feel a little anxious about you know stand up and just i'm not sure what i'm doing and they were just like dude you feel good and you're like it's okay you don't need to fix stand up and just, I'm not sure what I'm doing. And they were just like, dude, you feel good. And you're like, it's okay. We don't need to fix it.

This is just how I'm feeling right now. Absolutely. And to me, when I hear that energy, I'm always like, I bet you're fucking fucked. Yeah, it's like a hero's complex. You're going to the bathroom crying between this conversation. Yeah. Yeah, I think it's like a savior complex or something like that where they're like, oh, somebody else, I can probably fix their problems, but to help me fix mine.

It's like, leave them alone. Let them know that you see what they're going through and you acknowledge and then get the fuck out of there yeah yeah yeah um that was a good this is gonna stop and now let's go to our final segment you better count your blessing you better count your blessing no no this is my friend douglas goodhart he's on my sketch team too okay very very good uh actor comedian musician writer uh russell do you have yeah i uh love watching tv with my wife and uh which i'm watching uh so we started watching a show program called below deck on bravo And let me just say, I don't always like reality shows, but I like below deck because it's reality show and they have a job to do.

And it's like park in a boat and like, and like serving people. And like, there's lots of things happening around with, in terms of like these rich assholes coming on. But like sometimes the, the people that work on the yacht, they actually know more about like taste and

things like that because they they're around it you know yeah and so there's like some interesting class status stuff happening and what i what i like about it most is that it's not just like people getting drunk and like trying to fuck all the time i like that they have a job and that you're watching them and sometimes the biggest drama on the show is them just trying to park a big boat and it's like you don't have enough experience I don't know I've been really enjoying it and I've been having a good time

watching with Nicole that's good Tova and I are on very different watch speeds she wants to watch four episodes in a night and I'm like one this week oh god you gotta meet her halfway you can't like one this week oh god yeah no you gotta do it you gotta meet her halfway yeah

you can't do one a week very classic wow nah do like two every two days or some shit like that yeah um so my blessing uh this this is gonna come out after my birthday which is august 20th but uh my mom reached out like asking for a gift and she's always like do you just want some money but she wants to get a gift you know people want to get gifts and i know tova i've talked to my do my girlfriend tova said you know tova have you met tova i'm pretty sure i have i think so yeah i see it like her face or something and she uh very good with gifts yeah and she told me when she's like she's like you know i got 13 like gift ideas like in a notes document on my phone so my mom's like what do you want for your birthday and i'm like let me put you in touch with my girlfriend

she'll tell you what i want for my birthday she knows better than me yeah one of the things that's on the list that i'm kind of hoping she tells my mom is she was going to get she's not but she was going to get a neon the downside to put on this backdrop here so uh so it's just very cool to have someone who i can i mean i could literally for 12 more i mean i'm sure you're about to ask me soon what i want for my birthday wrestle and uh don't you worry i'm just trying to get your parents back together that's what i'm trying to do y'all buy each other's gift y'all oh no okay oh i mean what for a birthday yeah he got me a housewarming you and your wife yeah oh Oh, that's because you're married. Yeah.

You wouldn't have did it if you weren't married. That is right. Very good point. I did not. I bring booze. I'll bring like, I'll bring, or if we were together on your birthday, I would buy you like the meal or you know what I mean? Yeah.

I did not tend my friendships in my early twenties. Absolutely. And part of me like trying to be a better friend like yeah i hold on to gifts i really try to be a gift guy for like six of my friends yeah the closest friends yeah you're not getting a gift no uh so yeah so and do you have a blessing monroe uh i guess the blessing is i'm going i'm taking uh my family to Six Flags, like my nieces and nephews, this Sunday. Well, I don't know when it's coming out, so I'll just say this upcoming weekend.

Yeah, so that's going to be cool because I don't really get to hang out with them that much. You know what I mean? I don't get to see my nieces and nephews that much, so I'm just taking them all. This is me, my wife, nieces and nephews nephews my sister bringing my mom it's gonna be fun and then i just paid for all of it and i'm like yeah don't worry about it let's just go y'all pay for your own food because that's the expensive shit yeah i just watched roy wood jr posted a very early clip of him doing stand-up and it was a bit about six flags and the sip costing seven dollars getting the park is the cheapest thing he said that his his dad would

they'd go on the water ride and say open your mouth at the end and that's how you're gonna yeah yeah yeah no he's hilarious uh but that's what it's like so i told him i was like look i got the parking i bought the parking passes i got the tickets in you gotta feed your kids that's a good day man i haven't done a good roller coaster day in a long, long time. And I ride them now. Do you ride with your friends? No. You wouldn't ride them?

It doesn't speak to me. Do you do comedian trips with your friends? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're doing, I'm going to, I'm headlining Mohegan Sun. I'm talking about outside of work where all of y'all. No, but he's going to come, you know, he's going to, then we're going to party after that. Yeah, we're going to come.

Oh, yeah, yeah. But we, no, we party after that. Yeah, we're going to come... Oh, yeah, yeah. But we... During the pandemic... Yeah, we came to New Hampshire. During the pandemic, when they said, like, no one should be traveling or seeing people,

we took a big trip together to New Hampshire. But it was in the woods, you know, no one was around. So, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, yeah. What'd y'all do? We're making me feel insecure about it.

We got to do more stuff, Russell. No, I'm fucking with you. No, no, we... But we had a very good time. I feel like we do a lot. In terms of, like, part of the sketch team is also like it's like a group we're hanging out tonight yeah yeah we're hanging out tonight yeah okay cool i like going away with my friends like i like doing it me and my friends like derrick and then we never really went away but we like we did the six flags thing two years in a row like years ago this recently we did the six flags thing two years in a row, like years ago,

this recently we did paintballing. So I'm like, I like doing shit like that. I like acting like that. I like acting like that. I love acting like paintball. He's not a games guy. No. We've done lots for your birthday.

I feel like every year we go, we do the escape the room. He loves escape the rooms. We're just partly doing this podcast. I'm hoping like we do live shows and we go to like, you know, probably somewhere in Pennsylvania. That'd be dope.

If we're being optimistic. Yeah. That'd be dope. If y'all do like a live show and then like only a certain amount of like your real fans can come along with y'all to do an activity. Yeah. Yeah. That'd be dope.

Oh, that's a good, if you did like a hit a level of something. Yeah. You know, on Patreon. Yeah. Yeah. Sure. Like a level $100, you get to join us on our special events but you can't be weird so you can't you allow you allow one picture and one question

about comedy and then you gotta go back to being a regular person and you gotta just enjoy this shit yeah yeah i get i get so many so many people they'll say something nice to me after a show and then they're like so you know how would you recommend how to get into comedy? I'm like, ah, no, no, no. All right, so this is going to come out. Do you have anything in September you want to plug? September, October, November, anything? Oh, yeah, so I got a couple of dates coming up.

September and October. Let's see. Boom. Y'all edit, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Sort of. But sometimes it's just fun to not make me edit so um september 24th all right so here we go september 3rd and 4th i'm in connecticut i'm doing the same run that you that you've done which is like the the prayer vineyard or whatever

yeah ryan yeah how you say his last name? Brough Brough Brough Brough? Yeah Ryan Show I'm doing that City Steam I'm at What is this?

I'm at Good Night's Comedy Club In Raleigh, North Carolina The 25th and the 26th of September I mean the 24th and the 26th of September. I mean the 24th and the 25th of September. I'm at Helium Indianapolis, October 8th and 9th. Then I'm back to North Carolina at the Sparrow Comedy Club on the 16th. And then what's your social media? And they can find you there too.

Yeah, I'm sorry. It's all right. We're going for the the if we get into 2022 I'm like alright Monroe let's wrap it up January 15th where can they find you online? MonroeMartinComedy.com

is the website MonroeMartinIII is my Instagram and Twitter and Facebook for Monroe Martin III lots of great clips on your website. I will be headlining the Looney Bin in Oklahoma City

September 23rd, 24th, and 25th. So check that out. And Russell, do we have our new Uncle Function show date? I don't know the date yet. But it's in September. I'll figure it out. Find Russell Daniels online. And for those of you going to Six Flags or theme parks,

have a fantastic time. But remember, sometimes people do get decapitated on those roller coasters. Oh, yeah. I'm a big dude. I don't put my hands up. Remember Fabio got hit with that bird. Yes.

I saw another of a girl got hit by a bird in the video. But have you seen the Fabio? You know Fabio? Yeah, I know Fabio. Can't believe it's not Butter Dude. Yeah, he did this like he was promoting a new Six Flags ride. Yeah. And at the end, he had blood all over his face.

And I guess like a bird had blown his head, broke his nose. The bird broke his nose? Yeah, yeah, yeah. God damn. Did he get paid? I'm sure. I'm sure. He get to sue the park?

What did he sue, nature?