The Downside with Gianmarco Soresi - #37 Childhood Whoopings with Jeff Wright

Episode Date: September 7, 2021

Jeff Wright (Late Night with Seth Meyers) shares the downsides of growing up in Florida, fighting off wild alligators with the power of prayer, Disney World turkey legs, getting guilted into buying candy from your TikTok fans, being the C.E.O. of Happy, and we wax philosophical about beating your kids. You can watch the full video of this episode HERE Join The Downside Patreon for early ad-free episodes the Friday before they're released on Tuesday, TWO bonus episodes a month (AUDIO & VIDEO), + the good feeling inside that you're helping keep my delusions alive. Follow JEFF WRIGHT on instagram, tiktok, youtube, & twitter Watch JEFF WRIGHT on Late Night with Seth Meyers here Follow GIANMARCO SORESI on twitter, instagram, tiktok, & youtube Check out GIANMARCO SORESI's special 'Shelf Life' on amazon & on spotify Subscribe to GIANMARCO SORESI's mailchimp Follow RUSSELL DANIELS on twitter & instagram E-mail the show at [e-mail] Produced by Fawn Sullivan, Paige Asachika, & Gianmarco Soresi Part of the Authentic Podcast Network Original music by Douglas Goodhart Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I like the way I sound. I sound good. Good, good, good. I'm glad you like the way you sound. Yeah, I don't. I run a couple tweets by you, but I think now that I'm verified, like the fact that The Rock replied to me, I think it's because I'm verified.

So I have to think differently now. I used to be able to talk just mad shit about celebrities. You could hide within every tweet. But now the blue is like a highlight like let's yeah and i think like people like you know they're like oh this guy thinks he's something yeah and he's talking shit about the rock i love the people defending the rock like he needs defense yeah i don't feel like he said anything where it wasn't bad they're like yeah the people that were really like yeah sit down sit down, you know?

I also found it troubling you found a problem. The problem was not about the three showers. It wasn't a problem. It was that the idea of I take three showers a day. The first one's this temperature. The second one's this temperature. The third one's this temperature. I'm like, all right, that's intense.

I could have used the word intense. I see what you mean. Yeah. But he's the rock. would i'd expect that from him like if you asked him what he works out he wouldn't say chest he would do i'd 50 curls and that's not even chest but he'd be like i do 50 presses this way incline he's very but this is how i meant it this is weirder than not showering and people took it like this this is weirder than not showering. Yeah. I think The Rock and I were all cool. Hopefully, I'll meet him someday.

And I shower twice a day sometimes. People kept calling me stinky, which I thought was an interesting insult because I'm like, I'll go just shower. If I'm stinky, I can fix that. If you call me a big nose or say I'm annoying, that's part of who I am. Something that you can't change easily. Easily, right? But something like stinking,

I would just go shower. I got a lot of musty. Stink neck. Called musty, stinky. Stink neck made me laugh. Something about my, what do they call me? Stink neck?

Stink neck. Stink neck? Stink neck. Stink neck. Like you have a stinky neck. Yeah, I hear. Like, because you know how people, we have wrinkles in our necks, right?

Yeah, yeah. So imagine someone being able to feel like, I think your neck's supposed to be. Oh, God. I don't know if I mentioned it once where I clearly freshman year of college, I must have had a BO problem. And my roommate didn't want to tell me because, you know, who wants to tell someone that? And he would spray Febreze on my clothes. Oh, yeah.

Without you knowing? No. Did you find out or did he confess? He told me like years later once I got everything under control, I guess. Oh my God. You never noticed you just thought your clothes smelled magically nice? I'm just mad he waited till you came to the line. He's like, hey, you smell good by the way.

I wanted to let you know this whole three years I've been- It's tough to tell someone- I had a roommate once with a very stinky butt and it was definitely that was a little specific though no i mean it was a dorm type situation where you're like really close and it's the only way to convey that you knew it was butt you know what i mean like there's just like a thing we were like i i don't think it's bo it's not bo it's not that smell it is a butt you know they're not and there was no, like, a thing where, like, I don't think it's BO. It's not BO. It's not that smell. It is a butt, you know? They're not wiping.

They're not wiping at all. I didn't do any, like, I didn't do any of the spraying stuff. I, you know, I tried to, I got candles at one point and tried to open the window as much as possible. My brother is good at hinting that your breath stinks. Like, he'll just randomly just do this. Wait, that's not a hint. That's so subtle. But it's like, after a while, if you see someone sitting next to you with their, you're like,

oh. Yeah. But they never said it. And they might not like the smell of the room or something, but they never said it was you, but it would make you self-conscious and make you go check. Yeah, that would make us, what's going on? I remember there was a woman once, we were hooking up a couple of times and then she was,

I went to kiss her and she was like, brush your teeth. Oh. I wish I could, it hurt my feelings. I know she didn't mean cruel. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But it hurt, I've never been able to tell a woman. I remember a girlfriend I hooked up with in high school and I remember she, we ate Chinese food together and I thought like, it was the worst hookup of my life

but I couldn't tell her. I couldn't bring myself to tell her that her breath stankank i don't know i can't tell i can't tell women that either i just be like i'm never trying to kiss her again honestly like yeah you just never speak to them again yeah you avoid it i always say it was just if a friend has something in their teeth do you tell them or do you just stop being their friend forever i would i would tell like i would tell you guys like i i feel like we're close, but we're not brotherly close. But I would tell you if you had something in your teeth. If you had said that we were brotherly close, I'd be like...

That's a great guy, but he's a lonely man. Well, welcome to The Downside. My name is Jamarcus Reyes. I'm here with my co-host, Russell Daniels. Hi. How many times... I say your name, you say your thing. The intro starts sometimes right away.

Sometimes it starts hours later. I don't know what you want me to do. You sound surprised. I know. But I also, I haven't been, you've been gallivanting around, not having me as a co-host in L.A. So, you know, I'm just getting my bearings in. I did a couple episodes with Russell.

You're out here Joe Wedding and people. I know, right? And we're here with a comedian, a writer, a TikTok star, a stand-up comedian, Jeff Wright. Welcome to the Downside. Thank you for having me. Thank you for having me.

Say something sad. Sad? Because I want to say, I was worried. I went to your Twitter. I've been doing a lot of research today. My whole sad. Sad? Because I want to say I was worried. I went to your Twitter. I've been doing a lot of research today and you call yourself the CEO of happy.

Well, I'm the CEO of sadness. I think to be happy you have to be sad though. One, two, three. Perfect. You're listening to The Downside. The Downside. With John Marcos-Sereza. i like that very much to be happy you have to be sad uh we're very excited to have you just so everyone knows we're recording this of course

we're still recording these episodes early this is august 10th so i know you're like is he still talking about the rock well it just happened is the point yesterday um this is this has been uh quite a quite a week i'm gearing up for a texas trip which will have happened is the point. It just happened yesterday. This has been quite a week. I'm gearing up for a Texas trip, which will have happened by the time I do this. I'll be 33 by the time this podcast comes out. Happy birthday, by the way. You might have breakthrough COVID by the time this comes out. That's true. Because you're going to Texas.

I know. I'm a little bit scared about that. The new variant, the Delta Plus? Nah, Lambda. Lambda. You guys, Lambda is scary. It's is scary different it's gonna be real bad lambda is like it's not as potent either but it's like it's its own variant i yeah i i i just want i know no facts about it though i know you know i swear about a month into covet i said i i was

playing it safe but i said i'm not i'm not learning i'm not learning anymore that's so brave that's so good i was having this conversation earlier with someone i was like you ever you ever like not oh like you know how in college they just post your grades you don't get like a report card or anything but they say oh your grades are supposed to go look but until you look you don't have an a an f or anything so you don't look so you not looking into any facts means you don't have. I mean, that is, that's,

I think we're not doing enough of that in America. We are not doing enough of pretending that nothing is happening and, you know, if I don't know about it,

it can't happen. You learn about Delta, then there's Delta Plus. You gotta learn a whole new thing. You read articles, you freak out. Yeah. I know.

I did read that one thing about Lambda though and there was like, oh, maybe it doesn't, the vaccines don't work against it and that freaked me out i've heard that so now i'm freaked out about it but i blame i blame people for uh the lambda variant because it's just going to keep changing oh because people yeah well ariel elias a friend of mine she wrote at least we're all learning about the greek alphabet which i think that is plus we're educating americans in something at least i didn't even see it that way i like that well this is uh this has been uh russell did you did you have any shitty things happen this week no i had a funny thing happen just uh on the train

today though you know when that thing happens when uh someone's not really holding on to the train properly yeah and you're like you see them and they have bags and things and you're like oh you're gonna fall and but you're you're too far away or you're like i don see them and they have bags and things and you're like, oh, you're going to fall. And, but you're, you're too far away or you're like, I don't want to be presumptuous and presume that they're going to fall. Right. But sure enough, this older woman, the train started moving and she and her bags didn't fall, but you, her bag hit another woman really hard in the head and the head. Yeah.

And that woman was like, was like like that woman like yelled loudly and was surprised by it and and and then everyone settled and the woman was very apologetic everything settled down settled down settled down so then we stop and we go to move in the next stop again and the same exact thing happens and the woman hit the woman again in the head with the bag and i was like what did she say that time? And the woman was apologetic and was like, someone's got to move. Someone has to stop this. It's madness.

But yeah, I like the third time she has a concussion. Serious issues. You got to fix it. The woman was nice the second time. Second time you give a look. The woman was less nice. The first time she was very startled, but then quickly settled down and was like, I'm going to be chill about this.

But the second time there was a bit like of a, what are you doing? Like, like hold on to something, you know, put a bag down, hold on to something. Yeah.

Russ, I forgot. Is your camera recording? Yes. I have no glass. I can't see anything. I wanted to bring up one time. I have no glass.

You should get Lasix Lasix? you mean laser surgery? it's called Lasix Lasix surgery? you got it? oh god

how long you didn't have any problems with it? all my merch has a picture of me with glasses on it so I feel like I'm not going to get

any medical attention because I have $150 do you always wear glasses at your shows? I usually bring it up I like have it and I bring it up i use it for seeing movies and seeing far away i can't see that fucking shit yeah when did you get it do you you have a driver's license right yeah but i can't drive but i do but like when you when you start driving driving then you'll

want get this what happened to me i got my license renewed this is before we started this podcast i had to get it renewed it expired I went to the fucking thing and I forgot that when you get it renewed even if you're not driving you have to take the eye exam again yeah

so I go there I didn't bring my glasses and I'm there and I'm looking at this chart and I'm pressing my face again because I don't want to go home I don't want to go home

I waited at the DMV pressing it off I cannot read the letters to save my life and I begged them to break the law I guess I'm like please

you're really blind and I had to go home and go back and get them I'm just glad our system didn't let him beg his way in

I was nervous for a little bit and they were like yeah yeah you're fine the fact that I have a license shows that the system is broken

there's no way I should have a license yeah I can do a three-point turn you do a parallel park i failed the test like four times yeah i i failed my permit test and my dad got mad at me i was like damn which one is that the written one the written one yeah i could drive by that time what did you say you'd mix up the red and the green there was like a literally a sign that had arrows pointing that way and that way.

Right. And the question was, what does this sign mean? And I chose either left or right. And the answer was, you can't go forward. And I was like, oh, I didn't know that. See, you would have failed. You would have been right. My dad would have been mad at both of us, Florida.

Okay. Okay. Florida. My dad would have hated us. We had those. Did you have to do the hours with the driving instructor in the car? No. No.

I'm from Florida. Florida, you just get a license. You get a license. And a gun. And a gun. Throw a man over. And a gator. I went to the University of Miami.

And Coral Gables. Which is not Florida, for the record. What the fuck? Y'all don't count. Miami doesn't count as Florida. Which is not Florida for the record. What the fuck? Miami doesn't count as Florida. What do you mean? When you think of Florida, if you think of Miami, you're not thinking of Florida. Yeah, I agree.

Okay, so what is Miami? Crazy shit happens in Miami. We're thinking like Swampy or like... Even Fort Lauderdale is more florida yeah yeah even like you can have nice parts but it's still like well miami is not that florida did have miami university of miami we did have an alligator and it was like we had a big lake in the center of campus beautiful lake oh and this alligator or crocodile alligator i don't know would just would just come out

sometimes and just hang on the side and they'd send like one security guard to kind of like nudge him back watch but just watch just make sure he didn't do anything crazy but like people i had a teacher he said he almost stepped on the alligator once he was like walking texting and he almost stepped it was in the middle of the sidewalk during summer break let me let me show you the difference between miami and florida if you wake up come outside and there's a gator in front of your house that's florida if you're on campus and the gators like in the grass that's that's miami it's different like you gotta like unbeknownst to yeah he stepped on it that's cool but that gator wasn't trying to eat him or anything the gators in florida are hungry and they're knocking on your door like, let me in. It's different.

Do you know, I think something Floridians love about gators, maybe this only happened one time, but I feel like it happens a lot, is like if a criminal is committing a crime and they're robbing a house or something and then they're hiding and then they get eaten by a gator.

Floridians love when that happens. And I feel like maybe it's only happened one time and I read a story about it. That's Florida justice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Florida justice. But it happened last year or something. I remember everyone was like,

yeah, serves him right. You know? It's like, it was worth the hundred babies that came before it. Do you know of someone who's been eaten by a crocodile? Nah, nah.

I know someone who's been eaten. It's a gator. A crocodile like lays in the sun and is dry. A gator is like water. Well, all I remember is that what happened, this was like people love this on campus for whatever reason, but then poachers, I guess, they found the gator with the head chopped off and the tail chopped off our gator

and cut into pieces and they took the head and the tail. That might be florida now what do you know do did they teach you in school like what to do if you see a gator i always heard zigzag yeah i've heard zigzag too but no honestly because i'm from orlando florida so we're a little more civilized. But, I mean, we still woke up to maybe a gator in front of your house. That's horrifying. Yeah, that'd be scary. I haven't personally, I've, like, seen a gator in my backyard.

Did your household have a gun? Nah, we weren't a gun, which is sad. Like, I wish we were, but we weren't. Like, my mom believed in Jesus too to uh let us have a gun just pray about it i'm like i don't know if the i don't know if the criminal would be like hold on y'all praying all right i'll come back there's a pretty there's a pretty good big cross-section of jesus lovers and gun lovers i think yeah but like yeah my household was different though but i know i know what you mean there are definitely some that, God wants you to have this gun.

Yeah. That's the classic joke. I think it's like a bear comes across a hunter and the hunter prays to God or something. Like, the bear's a Christian, and so he prays before he eats the hunter. Basically, it's not going to help you do shit. So, good. Well, I wanted to start with Florida because because you know florida's shit on routinely russell talks shit about florida no every episode of this no i don't no i don't um listen and

floridians talk shit about new york i feel like these are i have in-laws i have in-laws from we are beefing right now yeah my in-laws are from florida so it's it it's a it's a we go there a lot and uh uh it is a weird beef that's been happening. And it's silly because you're like, both places have great things that you can enjoy. I don't know why these two are being picked. I've never heard you say one good thing about Florida, Russell. Let's get one nice thing.

I love a good beach. And Florida has great beaches. That's not a good enough thing. It's not a Florida thing to have a beach. Yeah. Okay. We'll name some Florida things. Wawa.

Is that Florida? No, there's a Wawa. We have Wawa down. There's Pennsylvania's Wawa. Say one good thing about the state. I love the weather. I love the beaches. I don't know what else to love.

What else are the things are there? What else are in a place? Weather and the beach. I mean, that's what they brag they brag about yeah humidity yeah you hate that or humidity no i don't mind i mean i lived in texas for a while i'm fine with it i like louisiana i just know orlando like as a kid i just know orlando uh from nickelodeon shows it always be this show was shot at orlando florida and it looked there's a big fountain by the time you grew up it was gone like universal is universal

studios but they're not filming anything there anymore what's all in la now yeah did you ever go to a nickelodeon show growing up i could have been a good nickelodeon kid it was me and nick cannon just all that again but uh nah i think all the shows were in LA by that time. And I was just a Disney kid. Like my dad would just bring us to Disney. Like not every weekend, but damn near like every other month we would go to Disney. Wow. Yeah. That's fun.

I mean, it probably wants to go to Disney. Oh, you don't like Disney? I grew up going to Disney every year too. Well, every year that's cool because it's like, all right. Every weekend is a lot. But every other month, then you're like, damn, we got to walk again again this is like a walk at this point so who's who's your dad enjoying this who's going to disney world to be like fuck we had to go to disney world this weekend no we we we like the idea of going to disney it was being at disney was like damn this is a lot it's brought

to you by but uh what was the what was the first yeah be careful disney owns everything now man my god facts uh what was the ride that you went out like what was was there anything you look forward that's what i don't like i just remember loathing the walk that was the thing yeah and like we wouldn't we wouldn't like buy food that my mom would pack food so it was just like because that food's crazy it's crazy expensive and it's not good it's not it's not good food but it's it's wildly expensive do they have the i remember getting i went in college nice and got one of those it's like a turkey leg oh it's a big fucking turkey leg it's never as good as i want it to be thank you it always look so good good but no not it's

never good i think when i had one was like dry uncooked i was like man it's five dollars it's probably not five dollars anymore but when as a kid it was like five dollars and it was disgusting i was like i should have got a sandwich sure should have just got a sandwich uh when was the last time you went to disney world oh a long time uh i i used to go with my family and then i probably they they still sometimes cause my, my brother has kids now. Uh, but I haven't gone since like probably 10 years. Yeah. I remember Tower of Terror.

That's what I did. I didn't like Tower of Terror. Oh, Tower of Terror is the best. I mean, I, I used to do it occasionally, but I didn't like it. It stressed me out. I'm like somewhere in between you guys. It was just like stressful. Yeah.

But after you do it, then you're like, Oh, I could do this again. Yeah. I'm like, I'm somewhere in between you guys it's just like stressful yeah but after you do it then you're like oh i could do this again yeah i'm like i'm right in between so you were born though in jersey yes and when did you move when i was six seven it was it was first grade or second grade i don't know what age that is for everyone but that that year first to second and when i moved i almost stayed back but they were like you weren't here in florida long enough for us to hold you back so just go ahead and you got like a year grace and they let me go to third grade wow i was apparently they thought people they it's a beef from the north to the south they thought northerners were were dumb so they're like i will just help

this little kid out that's good that's now why did you move to florida parents parents moved i moved i don't know i don't they never told me we weren't running from the mob or anything we just moved yeah yeah were you sad when it happened do you remember it they was they told us we're getting a house i said oh okay cool oh you were in like an apartment in jersey yeah oh yeah it was that's nice great move at that point i didn't like in first grade i didn't have friends that like i was committed to like we had kids we raced but that was it like i didn't know their last name so i was ready to go i miss that one kid who always lost to me at the race that was it i was ready to go so orlando tell me the downsides of living in orlando the downsides of living in orlando

because you just moved to new york recently yeah so you've been in orlando the downsides of living in orlando because you just moved to new york recently yeah so you've been in orlando a long time you were in orlando now but i'm an advocate for orlando i think people should it's a great starter city and here's the bad there's no bad honestly it's it's like what do you mean starter city like comedy the world we're in yeah uh-huh it's like great because you get to hone your craft um you meet people like if you work on your skill in in orlando florida you're working on your skill that's universal it's universal studios there no pun intended but um like it's we get people from all over the world there yeah so you're not like pitching to a niche but i feel like if you grew up in indiana you

would probably pitch like a southern type of comedy because you know that's what they like that makes sense but orlando was a great starter city because it was like a melting pot so like i can hit this type of crowd this type of crowd it'd be like just mixed and so like now coming to new york i feel like okay maybe this joke probably won't work but i have jokes that are geared towards here. I got jokes. Maybe this fuck New York City joke won't play. Yeah, but it'll work. It works better now that you live here. Yeah. That's the thing.

That's the thing about everywhere is that you're like, people can talk shit about where they're from or where they are right now. And it just is sometimes it's bothersome when you're not when you're like, I don't I don't not come into you to, you know, right on Florida. Like, yeah, well, I was in coming to you to shit on Florida. Yeah. I was in Connecticut at the casino this last Sunday. And if I talk shit about New York and New York, I enjoy it. But talking about it there,

it gets like this kind of raucous applause. And I'm like, you're in Connecticut. You live in fucking Connecticut. Relax. It's the same, but nothing to do. Awesome. I'm like, I'm here for a visit for a reason i'm going back leaving casino crowds my god um if there's anything bad about orlando i would say

maybe the fact that our summer is like or the inconsistency in the weather i would say it would rain for an hour then it would stop then it might rain again or like you could see a sheet of rain and then get to the other side and it'd be like sunny it's really it's like god is like i don't i'm i haven't committed to what i want to do with you guys yet and that's that's that's florida orlando so your mom was very religious would you say no guns at least a religious enough nah she's probably super religious yeah i'd go with that and what about your dad my dad is kind of religious he's like he's like the he's like the dad you would think of on tv he's like we're going to church

because your mom said we're going to church sure sure he's like the dad you yeah that that picture it's like yeah but if if if my mom went to work and like we begged him not to go he's not gonna fight us on it and he's like all right so you're going to church every sunday for the most part yeah until you're until what age are you still going now i don't go to church every sunday now um i would go i'm not opposed to it uh till what age till i was old enough or my brother was old enough to have a car then we was like all right we we can go when we want to we can go if we don't want to or we cannot go if we don't want to but yeah and were you putting on how early in the morning is this we're we're a heathen crowd over here gotcha so i thought that vibe you felt that vibe when you're when you're oh god i saw you look up i'm looking for the crossing

is it early was it like like or was it fun was it a fun church singing was church early yeah yeah i just don't know what tell me what no you got no don't do that you know facts about church don't do that I've been to some like he said did you guys pray what happened but I'm saying like

I don't know every church seems very different every church I've gone to is like once a year at Christmas time and it's boring as fuck it's boring as fuck

my church was boring like it wasn't it wasn't the TV black church where everybody's just doing this it wasn't that it was just very it was

even though seven heaven is probably a bad example based off the guy but um right i would i would think it was like you know how boring seven heaven was yeah that was my church so what is that the black church in people's minds where it's like fun is that a particular i think that's real i just think that wasn't my church though what kind of christian were you what's it press press but where's westboro baptist what was it westboro i'm just joking i'm just saying there's different branches there are a lot of branches i don't i don't i don't quite know i just uh every every church is the first baptist my church said first baptist on that I was just waiting for one to cop to the second like we not first but we not last

we second Baptist church but no one ever did that but yeah I don't know what kind of it was just it was God Jesus I just think it's so interesting because you have part of your TikToks that really went viral where this where God and heaven and so I just imagine that comes from like being around

that so much growing up that comes from like being around that so much growing up that you have like thoughts about what what is heaven and you come up with a funny thing nah that's honestly not what happened honestly i was uh in the kitchen with my brother and i was like yo man it'd be funny if god didn't send jesus to do all that he was like like he found out slowly what jesus did but i i think i only chose those characters because i was someone no one knew so i was like i'm a pick characters everyone knows even if you're an atheist you know who god and jesus was and like if you're really into the bible then you're like oh no that's not his son and all that but you kind of got a father-son relationship and i was

like these are characters everybody know so they'll be able to digest these characters fast and just introduce them to me not so i used god in this sense so okay you have siblings how many siblings i got one brother who's older and a younger sister are they in the arts nah what are they doing uh my sister's in law school and my brother's in real estate okay okay yeah and so you were in florida uh what'd you go to school for did you go to college communications communications every uh i feel like every uh creative does just goes to school or right it feels like every creative who isn't doing well went to college to be in the arts and every it always feels like to me like people went to conservatories are not doing well yeah and the people are succeeding went to college for communications and i'm like fuck i should

have gone for communications yeah i've uh damn i can kind of see that i can kind of see that or we're just the ones complaining about it the most like he was a communications major i'm not complaining about that i'm complaining about me spending any money on anything like that was related to college at this point where'd you go to college uh ucf central florida university what's what's the mask miami my college beefs with who uh the florida state gainesville yeah yeah the gators no florida state is uh tallahassee right oh i don't know florida state university i think you guys beef with the gators which is university of florida oh okay that sounds more right maybe they were the ones who killed they're the beef with the Gators, which is University of Florida. Oh, okay. That sounds more right.

Maybe they were the ones who killed the Gators. They're the Gators. The Gators. You beef with the Gators. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I went to one football game. I went to one football game. We lost 39 to 0, and I was like, never again.

You guys lost 39 to 0? Yeah, I went to one. I'm saying my whole college stay at this football school. The reason The Rock forgave me, because we both went to University of Miami. I went to one game, and I was dragged to the game by my girlfriend. And we lost 39-0. And I was like,

I'm never going to do this again. I feel you. I don't really like college football games at certain states. Maybe University of Florida would have been different. But if you guys ever went to an FSU college football game, the way they scream at these players, it makes you seem like they're something else like run whoa we still in tallahassee now that's

a black running back let's just oh my god it just doesn't feel right in my spirit i just don't like it yeah there's something weird about any college sport a little bit when people are really that invested in their adults because Cause you're like, these are technically students, you know, like they're a little bit older than high school, but to be like that, like invested,

it's like, eh, football is the greatest sport to hide racism. And if you think about it, cause you get, you get to get away with like calling people boy and, and, and,

and you can say it to a white kid too, but like, you can probably mean it different when you say it, like get that boy, get, get to get away with like calling people boy and and and you can say it to a white kid too but like you can probably mean it different when you say it like get that boy get get come here boy like they're very funny like a white running backs running and they're like uh go quickly go quickly run it's easier to hide it in football i i feel very anti-football and again i say it as someone who's not like a avid sports fan but it just seems like people are getting brain injuries and there was that picture last year where it said end racism in the in the end zone and then it had um what was the team it's uh what i don't think it was the washington redskins at the time it was there's another team there's another team that also has like a native american the chiefs the chiefs so it said end racism and it said like

go chiefs in the paint right next to it it all just feels toxic and poison yeah it's all in there it's like i don't know it's like hard to it's hard to be pro against and have a infrastructure that is like, not, I wouldn't say pro it, but it's like pro money. So it's like, yeah, whichever one optics wise makes me more money.

That's what I'm going to put on. If, if America was good with be racist, they would spray paint, be racist on the field. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

But the money I thought though because i grew up in dc so i'm sure at home in a closet there's like a washington redskin shirt and then they change it to the washington football team how does that make you feel what that i did they change it you don't care i couldn't care at all i'd call it the i called the the washington douchebags for all i give a shit but it was such a such a fuck you to be like, okay, we're the football team then. You want to take it away? It's insane.

That anyone gives a fuck about a team name is insane to me. I mean, I think they should just change it. Just change it. You go, oh, we shouldn't have said that name. Just change it. Keep the colors. Did they say change the colors too? They didn't change the colors. No, I'm saying just you can keep the colors, change the name,

change the mascot, change the thing. You still have the same color scheme. It's fine. It's not going to be that confusing. Their record is still going to be their record, honestly, with whatever name change. Yeah, and then in 100 years, it'll be a blip. I'm sure other teams were something else in the 1800s.

No one gives a fuck anymore. I don't think there'll be football in 100 years. You really think it's going to end? Yeah. Do you think that's just for football? I don't think it's a safe bet. Other sports too. Nah, basketball is going to be here forever.

Football, the fact that the rest of the world doesn't play it makes me go, I don't know if this is going to last. I mean, it's the number one sport in America, but I don't think America is going to be what America is right now in a hundred years I could see less people putting their kids into football and so the talent gets less and less and less

until it's not as you don't feel like you're watching no one's breaking records anymore no one's like throwing the coolest pass anymore yeah I'm sorry go ahead I was like at one point they're like okay there's no more hitting would be really funny to like just see like them be like slowly be like okay well now we're not gonna hit in it right it would be like i don't know how you know it would be funny to see how that develops i think i think though uh only they say like the craziest people

play football and because people aren't putting their kids into football anymore we're we're getting like forced kids out of it. But like all the people that want to play are going to be in there. Yeah. And those are the crazy kids. And those are what's going to make it watchable for some people. I played football and I liked it. I liked playing it, but I never cared about watching it.

And I think I just liked it because i was gonna do some sort of sport and it was like the easiest sport for me to do well was just like moving quickly for like three feet you know like just like firing it straight ahead really hard and um so and i liked i like being part of a team but i i didn't feel i didn't feel uh it was a weird sport for me to do. Because I did not feel at home with the team a lot of the times. I think I told you one time, I made a joke. I was, you know, I was like very clearly like the guy who did like drama stuff, but also did football. And I was good at football. So I was like starting and blah, blah, blah.

You were the first high school musical. Yes, I was that. And I, one time as a a I don't know what I was thinking it did not go over well I was like I was the center so I always called the huddle and I never felt like it was natural for me to be like oh you know like you're expected to like oh like that yeah and I never felt like that's how I want to do that so one time time at a practice, I thought this would be funny. I go, huddle, huddle, huddle, huddle, huddle.

And just one time thinking like someone will laugh. Someone will laugh. Not one person laughed. The coach, one of the defensive line coach looked across the way like. I got two questions. Was this a game or practice? Practice, practice. Oh, my God.

No, practice, practice. Where are you? It was like a Friday practice. Like, you're not wearing all your pads. Yeah, walk through. So, it's not that serious. It's a day before a game, so it's serious in that way. But you're not in your pads, you know.

They killed you. No one enjoyed it it no one said anything you say they liked me enough to not say anything but uh it would did not go over it did not get a laugh i like like they when you say hike your own team tackles you to the floor i like that you said when he says hike when that's like the quarterback yeah the quarterback's job is like i'm hiking the ball all right yeah i played football too but i was just there to make jokes i was terrible you were terrible what was your position i wasn't terrible but i didn't like it uh i was middle linebacker and i wanted to play strong side linebacker or weak side linebacker one of them so there's

there's an offensive line and a defensive line shut right? Shut the fuck up. I know this. I didn't know. I didn't know if you knew where the mic was. I don't know if he knows. I didn't know. I played. You played? What'd you play?

I played one year. What position? I definitely, it was only defense. I wasn't offense. It was in the middle section. Front back. In the middle. Front back.

Half back. Front back. Half back. On defense? Middle linebacker. Middle linebacker middle linebacker yeah yeah yeah but i gave you that what year i said that i could have said i could have said tennis back wicker yeah he was a second backer the second backer um what year uh this was i think it was like fifth grade oh so not okay oh okay we were playing tackle though we were playing tackle yeah of course but yeah i don't think i i don't think i touched the ball

was a hug and fall yeah yeah yeah you didn't go through somebody no someone once knocked me down there was one time we played against the sixth grade team and i just remember these six years i'm sure they were tiny little boys but looking at them as a fifth grader i was like these are monsters and they're going to kill me. Yeah. In ninth grade, they used to pull us up, like pull some of us, the better ones up to like the seniors to practice, like for like, you know, like, like game, big, big playoff games and things like that.

So we'd just be like pulled up to like hold bags or get tackled. And it was awful. Do you have any, I want to see a picture of you in your football gear gear i have a picture of me in my football i have one yeah and when did you stop playing immediately i i think it was 11th grade i played and then i stopped i think i did spring right i did spring and i didn't even want to start in the season i feel like it was like a midpoint i was like i think the real season's fall right but there's like this spring season where you like you that's where you get all your players and you get your team ready you have a couple games and then the fall season like when school starts you already have your team ready i never showed up i was like no this is this this is it. And were you doing funny stuff?

Were you doing theater? What were you doing? Oh, no, I knew not to do that. That's a terrible combination for football. Huddle. Huddle. Huddle. Huddle.

You would have got laughs at our school. Our football team wasn't great. Mine wasn't either. That's how you, if you knew it would be a bad, then it should have worked. That's why I always said it was funny because, you know,

every football coach, no matter, and I liked my coaches, but I will say there's a thing about high school football where every coach is treating it like it's Friday Night Lights. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I'm like, our team was never good enough to warrant these kinds of speeches. I mean, we went to playoffs, we went to playoffs one year, you know, and it got immediately eliminated.

But like, but like we were just never that good. So that's why I was like, I know I, I'm never gonna, I could never do this. Cause I would always be like, this is so silly.

Right. Like we're just not that good. Right. I love, I, you would know a bad football team if everyone started uh harmonizing with you that's how you would know like yeah i knew that they were in trouble that i was one of the best player one of the best linemen i didn't care like maybe they

should be an acapella group instead of a football team that's where your hearts are if if they really turned into high school musical i'm like you guys lost every game it was it'd have been bad but i think that's what sports can be good for because i had i was on the basketball team in in my like private middle school and it was like they got a coach they got a coach uh i think he used to be like a coach at a college in washington dc and i guess this was his new job was teaching fifth graders and he would curse at us and be like what the were you thinking and like it was a good lesson as a kid to be like, oh, I need to do well. Or people are counting on me.

He said once, I missed 30 shots in one game. And he said, what the fuck happened out there? And I was like, there was a girl in the stand who I have a crush on. And he was like, well, she's not going to want to fucking touch you if you don't make the shot. And I'm like, you need that as a kid sometimes. Yeah, there was so much talk of like, you're not boys, you're men. I was like, speak for yourself. I've never fingered a woman yet.

Like I was like, I was like, I was like, not a man. You know what I mean? You start saying boys to men in the back. Just like, I would love to be, I think you're, you're overestimating who I am. I didn't like, I didn't like that that because I didn't need that as a kid. I was well aware of how to grow up without being yelled at. Or I didn't need life lessons in order for me not to do something or for me to do something. If you told me to do something this way and you kept going on about how to do it after a while, I'm going to turn you off in my head.

Like because I heard you say it the first time. So you explaining why you're saying it means nothing to me. And like I was that kid. I was like, all right. Yeah. I can turn on the stove. You don't have to. You don't have to explain what a stove is anymore.

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BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. Red One. We're coming at you. Is the movie event of the holiday season. Santa Claus has been kidnapped? You're going to help us find him. You can't trust this guy.

He's on the list. Is he a naughty lister? Naughty lister? Dwayne Johnson. We got snowmen! Chris Evans. I might just go back to the car. Let's save Christmas.

I'm not going to say that. Say it. All right. Let's save Christmas. There it is going to say that. Say it. All right. Let's save Christmas. There it is. Only in theaters November 15th. So let's talk about this CEO of happiness. Of happy.

Sorry. He just wants me to be sad so bad. He does. He forces it. I think it's so interesting. I hear CEO of happy. I'm like, what the fuck? so clearly we just come from very different there's something deep inside us that is different

or the same and we just express it differently I think my default face is a smile for some reason it's not my fault sometimes I'm unaware when I'm doing it do you think you had a happy household who do you get it from that ain't it that ain't so what is it well i don't know i don't know i

just like ever in school they'd be like why are you smiling so much and i'd be like i didn't even know i was smiling i i never it wasn't a thing it wasn't like oh my mom used to play music in the house and it made us feel good i always wanted that story but it's not it that's happy childhood yeah my mom used to play music in the household yeah no it was never it i mean granted we had music sometimes but that's not what made me happy i think um i liked being funny because it was like how i made friends especially when i moved from jersey to to florida being bad was, and I didn't want to be bad because I would get beat at home if I was bad.

Really? Yeah. I don't feel like you were beat as a child. I just don't get that vibe from you. What would that vibe be? Like shake? No. I bet you was put up on a pillow.

But look, his foot is on the couch. He didn't get beat. He did not get beat. I'm nervous having my foot here. honest thing uh you're no you're correct i was not beat i was yelled at but i could see that i didn't i could see that i didn't had parents who didn't care about this no but this was that was just in one example i don't think they just everything about me you're clearly not hit as a child hit you weren't hit i could tell who who hit i feel like i'm not sure if you were hit i was not hit as a child. You weren't hit. I could tell. Who hit?

I feel like I'm not sure if you were hit. I was not hit. But I feel like you were disciplined. I was very scared of getting in trouble. But I don't think they kind of split the discipline. But I was someone who wanted to people please. Right. I don't think you were.

Yeah. And did not want to rock the boat. Yeah. My mom once spanked me. She was really mad. And then it was so pathetic we laughed. i started laughing she started laughing and we laughed at oh you both laughed she tried to like discipline me like later in life and we both laughed like yeah mom too late to like be that mom you're you're you should have did this when I was two.

Now it's too late. So who hit? Was it mom or dad? Both? They both tried to. They both did it. Was it with a belt? Bare hand?

What are they doing? Jesus Christ. Let's expand. Child abuse. I don't think it was called child abuse at the time. Is this called raising your kids? It's called raising your kids. How do you feel about it looking back at it now?

I've deserved every beating I got. That's the thing, though. They've never hit me for no reason. That's good. Every time I got a whooping, of course, in the moment, I was like, I don't deserve this in the moment. But after a while, I was like, I can see how if I didn't do this, then I wouldn't have gotten a beating. What did you do that – what was the biggest whooping, and what did you do? I don't think there was such a thing as the biggest whooping at the time.

I remember when my brother – it's funny. I don't remember when I got beat, but I remember when my brother got beat. We were on our way somewhere, and we went in the backyard we jumped the fence and we played on the neighbor's playground right and mind you the neighbor's not home no one there's there I think we I think we broke something or something and I jumped back

and my brother jumps back late and my mom sees him jumping back and I'm like oh I tried to make it look like I was watching the whole time and he got a whooping and I was was like, yeah, we deserve that. And granted, I didn't get one. We deserve that. He got it.

Yeah, but we deserved it. I knew it would have been merited for me. Is this a hit on the head, a spank at the bottom? That's how I know he didn't get beat. Because he's once the full. But I'm curious. And he's saying whooping. Everybody watching this,

everybody watching this that's been beat before go, oh, okay, he just probably got a beating real quick. But to you, I think it's either two things. I think it's either a light tap or murder. Like a vicious, like I'm bleeding. Like, no, it was never like I got scars or anything. It was, well, granted, I might have been, it's because I'm dark skinned.

I probably never showed. got scars or anything. It was, well, granted, I might have been, it's because I'm dark skinned. I probably never showed. I will never forget. So two things. One, my stepfather, and this is to my sisters, his children, but he never would do it to me. He would say to them, present your hand, and he'd like smack them on the hand. And it kind of like, I'm sure it stung a little, but it's cute.

It feels like a royalty. I remember watching it like, I'm witnessing abuse. This is trauma that you're causing. But I went to my friend Nathaniel's house. He was my best friend in kindergarten. And I'll never forget it where his dad said to Nathaniel, he said, did you wash behind your ears? And Nathaniel's like, no, and I'm not gonna. And his dad had a cane and his dad leaned on his cane and kicked him in the face.

And I was, now when I saw that. I think that's violent. I think that's. It blew, it blew my fucking mind. So I feel two ways about beatings, and beatings is such a strong word. I feel like one, it's from not taking enough time

to just talk to your kid, communicate. I feel like a lot of things can get across with communicate but i'm sorry if my kid said that to me i don't think i could communicate with him like i would try but i think i think when you hit someone in the face that's off that's too far yeah i think a bone is different than tissue i think if you a spanking is tissue I think if you spanking is tissue a beating is bone he tried to end that kid and I don't like that but a tissue is like that's tissue like you're gonna be sore I think that's different like the same like if I made you do a hundred push-ups or if I slapped you on the chest a hundred times you probably have

the same soreness yeah in my mind yeah it's probably not true scientifically wise but you would heal the same is what I'm thinking yeah but if I hit you in the face and you fell on the face like that would that's too far that's who you know what I mean yeah I feel like that's probably there just my parents justification and do you think about it if you have kids what you'll yeah I definitely think about it I don't think I would hit him I hope I have kids that understand the same way I do like cuz at a early age I it. I don't think I would hit them. I hope I have kids that understand the same way I do. Because at an early age, I knew if I didn't do this, I wouldn't get in trouble.

You hope you have kids who hop over the fence first before the second person gets busted. Then you got to respect that. Like, damn, my kid's pretty good. Like, honestly, if your kid did shit that is bad, you would probably go, that's not that's like i've seen that's pretty cool like i'm pretty proud of you like i'm not gonna tell you i'm proud of you but i'm like yeah i don't think i should have kids because i think of how mad i get sometimes at my cat and i'm like i wouldn't not that i'm hating my cat or anything like that but i think where it sounded though yeah that is that's not

like you're punting that cat no no no no he's like tissue versus bone you say i pick up the cat and i'll put him in his room and i'll lock the door in his room in our room like to to separate be like if he's like if he's kind of like just doing stuff you know like cat stuff yeah uh or sometimes i'll get i'll be so frustrated if like you know i just sat down but like i'm i've been doing a lot of things and then all of a sudden i'm gonna relax and he's like gotta bite me in that moment and i'll get so frustrated that i'll be like i'll just be like just fucking stop like i will yell at the cat like that yeah nicole be like that's very intense sometimes the way you yell at the cat and it's just it's every once in

a while but i makes me think that if i had kids i i would get frustrated like that and yeah and i wouldn't want to yell at them like that my dad was a yeller so my dad i mean i think i think my dad's abuse and different i don't think my dad yelled at me yeah it's always like my i think my dad's dad like beat him beat him and he like went to high school where like nuns ran it and they hit their hands with rulers and all sorts of shit it's like i think my dad was like not at all he never touched me but he would yell right oh he would yell like a madman yeah my my dad was uh my dad was a spanker he had a rough hand though so he would spank i don't think he

would all the way like sit on the couch come over here or would he just like right up the gate you're standing i remember one time it was not even that crazy i remember one time i was sagging right which is when your pants yeah not you guys your audience i don't know oh yeah i don't know how caucasian um so one time I was sagging and I said, because after school, you greet your parents. I came and said hi to my dad and I walked away. And my dad said, come back. And I was like, what happened?

And he lifted up my shirt, saw me sagging, and gave me like three spankings on the ass. And I was like, damn, that hurt. Because you were sagging, there's less cloth even. You're just like one layer. But then it was like, damn, if I wasn't sagging, that would have happened or it wouldn't have hurt it was like a catch-22 i didn't know sagging like i've never heard it in that term like as a as a as a noun sagging or as an adjective yeah

like sagging if like i know like your pants are too low but sagging no i've never heard that it's like a sagging sack a sagging like potatoes that were sad it's a verb yeah yeah i just have never heard it said that way sagging well well i didn't say sagging my pants i just said sagging and yeah yeah but yeah it's a verb of yeah i just didn't no no i i'm gonna start using all the time i hope not i wear my pants it feels weird if you're gonna use it don't do that sagging yeah why oh i didn't i'm gonna have to bleep me saying sagging. No, no, no. It's not a...

Another word on the list. No, I'm just like, don't pick up a word for no reason. It always makes me remember... He's going to go out his way to say sagging. I just always remember the thing when Hann when when hannibal burris called out bill cosby it was because bill cosby was always like talking about yeah people with sagging their pants but and that's what hannibal was like sagging pants you fucking raped someone and that's like that's what did it right and i bet if cosby would have just shut his fucking mouth about pants

he probably would still he'd have got got somebody really i think somebody would have got him yeah it's so hard to tell there are so many things that like a chain of events i don't think hannibal burris is the reason he's in jail i don't blame hannibal for that or i wouldn't blame him either i would celebrate him for but no as if oh god i don't want to say if i was bill cosby but i don't think if i did it i would how I would do it okay how I would have gotten away um uh

but I hope Hannibal Buress doesn't think he's the reason you know what I mean I doubt it but it's like it's it's

it's it's kind of like an avalanche like it wasn't one thing that's responsible so it was like one like it's like uh Jenga

eventually it was gonna fall the funniest thing that happened I think like part of that avalanche and again i haven't like looked at the full timeline but like right as hannibal's video was going viral cosby's social media team because it couldn't have been cosby did a thing on his twitter of like make your own cosby meme and they had like pictures of cosby and they wanted people to like you know engage with it socially and everyone twitter was like you know i like pudding pops and raping people like twitter went wild with it socially and everyone twitter was like you know i like pudding pops and raping people

like twitter went wild with it and that like was part of it trending whenever you see something go viral like there's there's several things that just happen at the right time yeah and before you know it it's an unstoppable force cataclysm um so so you were you were in florida you're you're getting followers and then what then what was the big... I know y'all don't sanitize. This is a hair. I'm sorry. Listen, you have higher standards.

Let me just say the first thing you said when you walked in, you walked up two flights of stairs and out of breath, very out of breath for someone in as good shape as you are. Russ did not know any of this. I didn't even hear this. Very out of shape. And I said, oh, are you okay? He said't even hear this very out of shape and I said oh are you okay

he said yeah there's all these stairs and I was like you don't you live on the first floor and you said well I have an elevator and I said

okay there we go I used all these stairs I didn't even mean it's been years since I've been in a walkout I was like oh from the sink you said

no Evian no sparkling Perrier and I said okay buddy at least bubbly. So what changed? What made you move to New York? What was the big event?

Late Night with Seth Meyers. Late Night with Seth Meyers. Yeah. And did you meet my girlfriend, Tova, your manager? Mm-hmm. Did you meet her after Seth Meyers or before Seth Meyers? Before. So the followers started coming in.

before so the followers started coming in and uh i had like two different routes in my head of how to uh eventually do eventually what i want to do which is like act in tv shows and do stand-up full-time and like yeah like kind of my version of eddie murphy or kevin hart or ryan reynolds meet to all them but um never mind i'm like i'm like the audience knows meet to all of them. But never mind. I'm like, the audience knows who all three of them are. They're not that niche. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was strange.

If they were like really Caucasian and they were like, I only know Ryan Reynolds. I don't know. Listen, I would argue the more Caucasian, the more familiar with Kevin Hart that they are. Maybe so young,

they don't remember Eddie. I bet there's some people out there who's like, yeah, I have one black friend. His name with Kevin Hart that they are. Maybe so young they don't remember Eddie. I bet there's some people out there who's like, yeah, I have one black friend. His name's Kevin Hart. And it's like they know him from the movies. But I had two routes in my mind. And it was going to be like keep building social media following and go on tour and try to gather that and try to do it that way.

And then Late Night presented itself, and it was more so like, oh, this could be a little more traditional or a more industry way in going that way. I was like, oh, that makes more sense for me to go that way. But yeah. And then I met Tova, and then Late Night came. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then I moved to New York. Was it tough to leave Florida? Any people you miss? Any people that were like, oh, fuck this young guy? Nah, I'm CEO of Happy. I don't have any enemies. CEOs have enemies.

You might not see them as enemies, but I'm sure some people in Florida are like, really him? I'm sure people say that, but I don think that they wouldn't know me well enough you have to know someone to hate someone or like because if you hate someone that you don't know it's surface you know you only hate what they got you don't hate them you hate what they have and i'm sure people hate what i have but i don't think they hate me because if they had it they wouldn't hate me or if i didn't have it they wouldn't hate me yeah it's not hate it's just do you miss any

of your comedy partners in florida any comedy friends i had to break that down for him he tried to take away my badge my ceo do i miss my oh for sure yeah we just uh facetimed either yesterday or two days ago and at first it was just supposed to be a quick facetime but then we threw everybody like it was like four of us on there and it just lasted all night but i miss all my friends for sure like it's not the same and covid changed a lot of things a lot of them moved to different parts of florida too so it's like not the same but yeah i mean i don't i'm a i'm a weird dude like i don't uh like i will i don't imprint with people if that makes sense like if you told me you was moving tomorrow I'd be like oh damn that's sad alright

oh boy I feel like you must have had some relationships that ended and you're like alright cool we had a good time yeah cause it's like it's not ended then it's like I have like if my relationship with people were contingent on me living in florida then that

wasn't the bond that was that yes sure yeah because i have friends now that like from florida or that still are in florida and like they're still my brothers that that didn't change like i will like eventually we'll link back up or they'll come visit or i'll go visit or like it's like growing up but they're not the jersey kids that i didn't know their last names yeah yeah yeah so bonds so now now we're here we're in new york what what month did you move like covid was september september wow oh this past september yeah that's so okay you've not barely been here though nah especially real new york i've only like i've only never been like i mean it's you you know, flashes here and there.

You guys talk a lot of mess, and I'm not seeing it. This is all I'm saying. All that, this is the greatest city in the world. Who said that? The tourist industry? Is that who you're talking about? I feel like New Yorkers say that. No.

You don't think this is the greatest city in the world? I do. I do, absolutely. I had a whole segment on this podcast where I said we need to stop saying it's the greatest city in the world it's a fucking where else do you want to live where else you're gonna go tell me right now and keep it to america pick pick pick can i can i remove the stand-up no you can't no no no no no no because of stand-up live there and then la is pretty nice i gotta tell you oh you gotta get a car but yeah you. Only because of stand-up. Live there. Then that's why. Okay. LA is pretty nice, I got to tell you. It's not the same stand-up.

It's not the same stand-up. Yeah, you're right. If it's stand-up. And you can't even see. So now how are you going to drive? Yeah, exactly. Thank you. I'm about to go to Chicago.

Maybe Chicago will be the place. You can drive with your vision and it's fine. Well, okay. You don't want to talk about New York. Chicago, if you go there, that's all they're going to talk about. So you're in a safe space, at least with me. tell me the downsides of living in new york you've been here for oh i don't i would tell you tell me i feel safe saying new york is not that great um it stinks um the weather i don't like it i think i didn't i never had eczema i got eczema when i

moved here for sure um what else i don't like a lot of things about me what neighborhood are you in around i'm in long island city now okay i was at first i was in midtown which is terrible like for a living yeah oh yeah i don't know why there's a hotel it's too because yeah from from florida dc there's a lot of space in dc right so you grew up with with like people not just randomly walking in front of your place. Well, I grew up in Potomac, Maryland, which is like we had like a forest in the backyard. We played paintball in. Yeah, I grew up in that.

Your parents can't beat you if you grew up in a forest. Like that is super child abuse. Yeah. Because no one would hear that you scream. They could bury me. There's enough acres to bury me. No one would find it for a while. I hope they never but um but yeah like so like living in midtown where random strangers

would just walk by i remember a comment on my tiktok was like hey man i saw you outside and i was like oh shit oh yeah you might as well post my address now just know where i live i like that but yeah you must get a lot of people approaching you and saying, ah, Jeff. I don't like that. I don't want to be, like, I don't want to be, and especially, like, the TikTok fame is so iffy. You don't know why people are staring at you. And I've never met someone go to me, you're the guy on Late Night. They go, you're the guy on TikTok.

Yeah. And it's, like, usually kids, right? So, like, in Nework is one time i was at the mall and this kid was selling candy and i was like i don't even want no candy i'm good he's i'm trying to raise money i was like yeah i get it but i don't want any candy he's like you're the guy from tiktok and my friend was like well now you gotta give him you gotta give him some money and i was like damn and i gave him money and i was like i still don't want any candy and i was like i really just gave him money because he recognized me yeah i don't like that you hear that kids listening just find your right yeah if you say you're from tiktok

you get money honestly yeah that's how it works i let i leave no bad impressions when i first moved to new york there was someone who it was like older guy selling candy. And he was like, you know, I'm raising this to a basketball team for an inner city school. And I'm like 14 on a field trip. And I gave him a $50 bill. And I said, could I give, you know, $5? And he was like, yeah, I'll get you a change in a second. I never saw. I never saw that change.

They just kind of kept talking to me in a way where I didn't know. This was like in Times Square. I was just like a little kid. I was like prime, prime target. It was like yeah I remember once in Times Square and I you know I'm in Times Square all the time for the comedy stuff yeah and you know there's the guys where they they put the CD they practically push it into your hand and I remember like one giving it to me and I was like oh I got a CD and I started walking away he's like well no you gotta you're not gonna give me anything for that CD and I was like what is this exchange yeah um but do you remember when you first I mean you're

kind of in the you know you've been here less than a year when you first moved to New York I feel like there's so many things that were like very traumatic and or like wild that you get so desensitized I mean I remember in the first month of living here i was on the subway and it's not funny but there was there was a homeless person underneath the bench like underneath people's feet crawling oh my god kind of moaning and and people were just like kind of like moving their feet to like like like like not have him touch but like he was making noises and like slowly dragging himself under underneath the bench that was why it was a horrifying image and and i was like looking at this like because none of these people were reacting like there's

a person crawling underneath me yeah they were all like like they just were moving to make sure that they weren't you know in his way and and and i was like this is this is insane i i i'll never forget that and now you go on the subway you're like where's the homeless guy underneath the bed you're looking for it yeah um that is scary i think um the closest experience i've had to that which i'm thankful is not close at all is uh this homeless man yelled early outside my apartment for like every four minutes at 3 a.m just every four minutes yeah and that's when i was like i gotta get out of midtown midtown i broke what floor were you on that you could hear that i was on the 10th floor and you could hear him wow it's loud i and i think i think i was just hypersensitive especially like coming

from a place where you don't hear anything when you go to sleep yeah yeah so like i i would do when i lived in harlem i lived by a busy street uh on malcolm x boulevard and uh sunnys in the morning people like some guy in a motor scooter thing playing a radio my thing i'd come outside and i'd be like i'm sorry I just got my baby to sleep. I'd always, I invented a baby. And I would come out, and I'd be like so flustered. And like, it would usually work, because they weren't going to sympathize with me,

but I'd be like, please, my baby. My baby, it took forever to put him to sleep, and he's sick. That is so funny. And it worked. And I'd get mean glances. But like, these were dudes playing the radio max volume

at five in the morning these are months so I knew they're not great people yeah and I had to like you know make them

the innocence of a babe right maybe they just had a different schedule than you two this is the only time oh you're being sympathetic they can listen to this

this is the only time they can listen to the only time they can party and have fun is at 5am and guess who killed their joy? A fake baby. I've never seen this baby in my life.

I live here. I've never seen this baby. Alright, well let's move on to our next segment. This has got to stop. Do you have something that you want to that needs to stop? I was thinking about my thing

but I'm'm gonna let you guys go first oh go sure i'll do a quick one and this is kind of this is this is uh rude people who when someone dies people always go like i have no words and then they proceed to do words do words you know i don't i also don't like sending energy or people saying that. Or my thoughts and prayer goes out to this person. Stop. You're not going to think or pray about it. I don't believe you.

Similar saying like, is there anything? Or let me know if there's anything I can do. Because you're like, just do it. Just send them something or don't send them something. But asking, being like, if there's anything you need he's just putting it off of you and you're also like yeah you're like being like hey and an assignment for you is if you think of something i'll be there but like i'm not going to put any energy into thinking of it you have to do it and and you have to really be vulnerable put yourself

out there and be like okay i do need something from you right like just do something and i it's never it's not a mean it's people aren't being mean by it but it is a thing of like i just think in general like especially with like actor performer types there's there's a lot of eulogizing it's all public and like there's just a couple where i'm like you talked about yourself a little too much in this eulogy i feel like if if you died before me yeah like why do you have to use that example i i'm i like it because like i think i would have like a good post i'd be like but i i would i wouldn't be like that here's a great episode of the downside where russell really

talked i would like try to be like here's something russell did a clip of me doing stand-up that russell saw once and he liked he liked this bit a lot. He said this bit was his favorite. I like that. I think that's cute. I think. Or a picture of just like you and like, I cannot be in the middle of the picture.

I would have to crop it in a way where you are the center of the picture I'm posting. I think posting family members who are not on your social media has to stop. Like, that's not for them. That's for us. And I don't need to see that. Wait, here's my dad, like, for Father's Day, but you're like, your dad's not on Instagram. Your dad's not on Instagram. He's not going to see this.

He's not seeing this. Happy Father's. And you captioned it, Happy Father's Day, Dad. Yeah. Fam, we not your dad. My dad is not on instagram so i it would be silly if i did that do you ever do that you ever post picture no i've never i've never posted really about my parents i think once they they were on facebook for a while and i but not i've

never done the father's mother's day because like i call them or i see them and like i i i i those days no offense to anyone who does it but it is one of those things where I just don't feel, it doesn't feel, it wouldn't feel genuine coming from me doing that for my kids. I got a good one. Stop, what has to stop is pressuring people to do things for their birthday on their birthday. And what I mean by that is stop going, what are you doing for your birthday? Like, stop doing that. That is pressure. And maybe they don't want to do anything or maybe they don't feel like they should do something for your birthday like stop doing that that is pressure and maybe they don't want

to do anything or maybe they don't feel like they should do something for their birthday someone else should do it so instead of going that just go hey you want to do something for your birthday like i think that is is nicer than unless they already have plans but i think stop putting the burden of orchestrating a grand birthday for yourself is just too much like stop that should stop i'll add on to that and this is a similar feeling of like uh so i had a set for comedy central and everyone afterwards like you must feel you must be really happy right you must be really excited you must be over the moon right now and then i I'm like, oh, I, I feel guilty that I'm not, or I feel guilty.

Like, oh, I didn't have the exact experience. In fact, it was quite anxiety inducing. I'm glad it's done. I was so excited to be fucking done. Right.

Right. Right. And I, I feel it's the same thing with birthdays. So what did you, what did you do? Do you have a great time? Do you feel any different?

And I'm like, just leave me alone. Like, let me, you're still processing. Like, you know what I mean? I think even after a certain, after you turn a certain age,

birthdays don't mean the same thing. Nothing. They mean nothing. Exactly. So I think at a certain point, you start processing life different. So when people come at you with all that energy, you're still trying to figure out what happened in that show.

Did it go exactly how you saw it? You still think about the jokes like you still think about the jokes you still think about the moment and then you probably get to enjoy it and be like yeah i really did that or watch it back and like yeah i really did it yeah but they're already jumping on you before you even know how you feel about it and i feel like that's the same way with birthdays which has to stop it says with performance i'm like you know where i felt joy when i was doing it everything after and i'm like i miss it I miss it. Sometimes it's like, well, on stage, that's when I had fun.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. For those five minutes. Yeah, for sure. But I have a birthday coming up and it's good, it's nice to be in a relationship

right now. Based off of this past, we filmed this already. So it has to be. It has to be. Russell decided to go to town for it. I know.

You're not going to be there. I'm really bummed about it. Your thing. What were you about to say about Tova? What Tova's going to, it's nice because Tova's going to like, she's planned the night for me. Is that not,

that must feel great for you. You just get to wake up. It feels fantastic. You just get the birth. That's, you get to be birthed. It's much better than in years past where you're like,

I think I want to do this thing. And then, and then we're like, sure. And then like three months later, we're like, oh, we still got to do this thing and then and then we're like sure and then like three months later we're like oh we still gotta do this thing and then we do the thing

and you know it's not as I'm better about making plans now but like earlier in life you know it's that thing where I wouldn't make plans and I'd make them two last minute

and no one would be free because I'd be like 6 p.m. like hey guys you want to get together for my birthday no damn

wow I guess no one likes and I once my friend Lindsay Elizabethsey elizabeth hand uh who dropped the last name yeah yeah because she deserves i want you to know who we hate there was one birthday that i did not plan it i was depressed and she and her husband who i'm friends with too like had me over for dinner and then they let me love her they got me drunk and then they were like just stay just stay and they set up the couch for me wow and i honestly felt like it was a a really deep of like, this guy's sad.

It's his birthday. We're going to take care of him for the night. Yeah. And that was nice. Because that brought you back to like growing up birthdays. It's like you didn't have to worry about anything. You just got to eat, cake, love. My dad was a birthday, not always a great dad, but gifts wise, like he got me, he got

like the Power Rangers, like five people dressed up like the Power Rangers. Oh my God like with big power ranger heads and scavenger hunt yeah he didn't have to beat you he just took that away he stopped doing that then you and for our final segment you better count your blessings you better count your blessings we uh We've had a mix. Some happy, some sad, but let's have one nice thing. Russell, what do you got? I'm taking vacation next week, and I haven't done that in a while. Like, off of work. Did you just go to the Bahamas?

Oh, yeah, but I was working there. I did work while I went to Barbados. But yeah, I'm like no work, no nothing. I get to see my nephews and I haven't seen them in a long time. Where are you going? So I'm very excited. Cape Cod. Let's see if you yell at them like a cat.

No, I don't. I'm very good. My nephews love me. We have a good time. I hope so. I'm down to clown and they're the nice age of like i think like five and three so they're really fun they're not like over things they're like really always excited to

see me that'll be a bummer i think that i i am bummed about that like thinking of like you know kids get to be like 10 to yeah once they have puberty and they don't want to talk to you at all yeah and i and i won't know what to say to them either. I'll just be like, ugh. TikTok? No pimples. By then it'll be some new app that he won't even know how to open. Bleep boop. We could have said real words.

Just sounds. My blessing, I'm looking for the thing of goo that Tova and I, we went to this place where you make your own slime. You make your own goop. I really want to say that I'll look it up, but it's, it's,

it's for kids. It's definitely for kids. Yeah. But Tova and I got stoned quite early in the day. And we went to this, this make your own goo place. And all the staff there was super nice. They treated us like we were children. So they'd be like, here's the goo place. And all the staff there was super nice. They treated us like we were children.

So they'd be like, here's the goo castle. And I'd be like, ooh. And you play with different slime that has different smells. Here it is. It's called, nope, it's not here. Oh, Slu Mu, the Slu Mu Institute. And you get name tags and you change all the vowels to ooh. So I was June Marco.

Oh my God. They didn't mean that. They didn't say that. That was not ooh. They should have thought about that. Yeah. Yes. But we got free slime.

It costs $50 per person. Wait. How much slime are you walking out of the building with? I might as well. Well, you're playing with these vats of slime. And that's when it's most fun. And then they give you this little cup. But you get to pick your flavor. I did marshmallow blue. And, you're playing with these vats of slime, and that's when it's most fun, when you're playing. And then they give you this little cup, but you get to pick your flavor.

I did marshmallow, blue, and there's different kinds of slime. It's amazing. Like some pops, they call it the pop factor, some stretches, some spins. And Tova told me, I guess she went through a phase where she was like really into slime. And luckily I met her after that phase. This wasn't triggering for her? No, we had a great time and uh uh really you know i i'm i'm lucky to have uh i think tov and i both like these activity type things yes you're an activities boy yeah i like to be told what to do and and how to have fun yeah that's fine yeah so that was great so a

blessing from you chef i am all around blessed. I think I get reminded every day, like when I took the stairs up here today and I realized I don't have to take that now. But my blessing is not taking stairs. No, but really, I am in a great position in life. And one thing that I always regret is like I'm so focused on what's next, what's next, what's next. And then usually when I get to what's next, I'm like, damn, I didn't appreciate what happened because I was so focused. And it's like if someone told you whatever you wanted to get in like in a while, you would get when you appreciate now because, you know, you're going to get it. So you don't have to worry as much. But I don't know. I'm just around i can't be really specific i'm the ceo of happy guys of course yes i would and honestly i do want to say if everything i'm gaining right now in life is happening to me

because i'm black so be it fuck it it works for me yeah well yeah russell was saying that before the podcast. John Marco. I felt like. John Marco's favorite thing. There's a lot of haters out here. John Marco's favorite thing is to try to get me in trouble every episode. At least once. At least once. This was aimed at Russ. I felt like he was.

That's so fucking funny. Just like when you said that, I was like, no, I didn't think that at all. That's not what I was thinking. Not at all. Not me. I also forgot to say uh if you enjoyed the downside check out the patreon you get uh early episodes ad free episodes bonus episodes it's patreon.com slash downside again patreon.com also everyone listening to this right now missed the live show i'm sure oh yes we had a live show we're gonna have another live show this is also on youtube if you want to watch it see our fun fun act outs um but uh very excited to have you here and hear about the downsides of succeeding too fast um what anything you want to plug you don't

need to because nbc is doing it for you yeah but anything you want to plug nonetheless your handle i don't know uh jeff right now That's it. Jeff right now on everything. On everything. We're really excited for all your stuff. Russell, anything you want to plug? I don't know. I still don't know the date of the Uncle Function show.

I think it's September 10th. September. You're right. I think September 10th at Asylum. But if you look at the calendar and it's not on there, then I was wrong. But I think it's September 10th. 7.30 p.m.

Friday. And me, I didn't bring my phone with me, but I believe at the end of this month, I'm headlining the Looney Bin in Oklahoma City. We need a round of applause thing. Yeah.

I need to add that here. Looney Bin, but lots of good, lots of fun headlining dates coming up. September 12th, I'm going to be headlining, this is sooner, headlining the Albany Funny Bone for a one- be headlining the Albany Funny Bone

for a one nighter things are good check out the Instagram and just like Jesus don't do that don't say anything about Jesus he's going to be

mean I wasn't going to be mean what were you going to... He's going to be mean. I wasn't going to be mean. What were you going to say? I was... On water, everyone. Downside Downside Downside Downside Downside

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