The Downside with Gianmarco Soresi - #65 Watching a Man Drown with Daphnique Springs

Episode Date: January 18, 2022

Comedian Daphnique Springs shares the dangers of deep ocean fishing, scales that can cut you to the "white meat, watching a man drown, being a cocktail waitress in Las Vegas and watering down (or liquoring up) drinks for unruly customers, this one guy at the blackjack table who sh!tted himself, dropping out of college ten credits short of a chemistry degree, having a psychic predict you won't be returning to NBC's Kenan, and I shamefully recount the time I paid for a "medium lesbian show" in Hamburg, Germany.  You can watch full video of this episode HERE! Join The Downside Patreon for early ad-free episodes the Friday before they're released on Tuesday, two BONUS episodes a month (AUDIO & VIDEO), + the good feeling inside that you're helping keep my delusions alive. Follow DAPHNIQUE SPRINGS on instagram & facebook Listen to DAPHNIQUE SPRINGS' podcast, Unapologetically Daphnique Follow GIANMARCO SORESI on twitter, instagram, tiktok, & youtube Check out GIANMARCO SORESI's special 'Shelf Life' on amazon & on spotify Subscribe to GIANMARCO SORESI's mailchimp Follow RUSSELL DANIELS on twitter & instagram E-mail the show at [e-mail] Produced by Fawn Sullivan, Paige Asachika, & Gianmarco Soresi Video edited by Spencer Sileo Special Thanks Tovah Silbermann Part of the Authentic Podcast Network Original music by Douglas Goodhart Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

you know who started this rebooting who marvel movies yeah think about it they always had a spider-man another spider-man another spider-man another batman another batman they really started the trend of rebooting yeah because if you think about it it's a movie but it's the same thing the same premise but just yes and they were the first ones where it was happening much faster we're like we don't need a reboot yet like where there was like seven spider-mans in my like yeah in a very short amount of time it is funny it's kind of replaced like uh in a way like shakespeare it'd be like oh let's see so-and-so's othello and i was like let's see let's see christian bale's joker yeah was it the

better joker and it's it the material's not quite up to standards of Shakespeare I didn't like that last Joker oh you didn't it was depressing that's why I liked it let me tell you about this I think every superhero movie should be depressing you think so I like them a little more light hearted like Deadpool

like just hilariously funny that's the best Marvel brand ever like superhero movie I don't know like that's my that's the best marvel uh brand ever like superhero movie i don't know if that's a marvel but um joker i actually went out on a date with the guy oh and we went to the movie to go see the joker he took me to the movies and it was me and him and then i think he said his cousin was in town so his cousin came too but just sat some you know little distance away from us okay and um and he had to walk out he said it was too it was bothering him and it was making him very uncomfortable and it was triggering him and he had to actually leave out and then I was like well do I stay or

do I go so then I stayed with his cousin a little bit and got closer to his cousin like yo he was like yeah it's like this is like not good for him and i'm like well why would he choose to see this movie and then we i went left out and went to go check on him he was just like yeah i can't watch that movie it's just like really triggering for me and i'm like oh my god you're not going to kill people up here that's what it feels like that is uh i used to be a killer i used to be a killer clown. I used to be a killer. But he was black, so statistically it wasn't possible. You know what I mean? Like, if I went out with a white guy,

I'd be like, oh, shit, this is his life. But with a black man, you're like, mm. There is a thing with the Joker, with the Joker being white, where he's coming up in his late 30s, he's like, you know, society's a little fucked up. And that feels definitely like a white guy thing that in your late 30s, you're like, you know what? The police are a little fucked up. And that feels definitely like a white guy thing that in your late 30s

you're like, you know what? The police are a little corrupt. And the system's not for us. But I think statistically the white men that do it are a little younger, I think, in terms of that kind of thing. Like killing.

Killing is like a young person's sport. It is. Or serial killers, like sometimes they get to do it for a while, then they kind of drift off, and then they, you know, get caught when they're older. Yeah, they get caught when you get older because things like your knee go out or you fuck around, your hip is bad. You know, you just have all these things that can happen to your body.

Or sometimes, I don't know about you, but as soon as I hit my 30s, I was like, oh, shit, now I just feel like sleeping. so i can't kill and i'm sleepy yeah that's this is the downside you're listening to the downside i like that movie it's like a serial killer dealing with aging and being like oh it's tougher to tie these knots yeah tougher to clean up the. It's like a serial killer dealing with aging. And being like, oh, it's tougher to tie these knots. Yeah. Tougher to clean up the body. Well, that's like the guy, the very real killer that they found out within the last few years. Remember Patton Oswalt's wife was doing that?

Yes, the Golden State Killer. The Golden State Killer. He did it for like a while. And then when he got, he didn't do it for like 20, 30 years and I assume just got old and like, I'm not done,

that's, you know, and that's wild to be like. That's how I don't notice you're a killer because I would be so anxious

for every year after that. Are they catching me this year? Are they catching me this year? Do you hit 30 years and think,

well, I guess I got away with it. And then one day, there's every time there'll be a knock on the door, be like be like, it's it. It's over. They got me. It's over.

Unexpected. It is just really the Amazon Prime guy. You know what I mean? Oh, shit. I got some new rope. I forgot. Well, welcome to The Downside. We jumped right in because you're so fantastic. This is a negative podcast. We focus on, it's a celebration of negativity, and

you seem very positive, but feel free to complain. We'll talk of negativity. And you seem very positive. But feel free to complain. We'll talk about you. We'll talk about me. Russell, not so much. No. I wanted to share something and then we'll get to it. So if you're listening, Downside.

If you enjoy us, join the Patreon. Patreon.com slash Downside. Bonus episodes, early episodes, ad-free episodes, other treats. I wanted to share my own complaint. I saw my father recently. My father and I, we have a tough relationship. And this is kind of about parents and approval and what parents are supposed to do.

So I was on Comedy Central. I did a set for Comedy Central. I sent him the link and I never heard back. Ooh, that's so- Yes, I agree. Every time somebody texts you, you have to check to see if it's your father. Yeah. So it's like reliving the rejection every single time.

It's like the knock on the serial killer's door, but it's texts and it's my father killing my hopes and dreams. Okay, so when you texted him and then he didn't text back, did you text anything else afterwards? Or that was just an unanswered text for days? So you should clarify. He said, oh, that's so I'll watch it later today. OK. And then never heard back after that. So I saw him and he said, I made some snippy comment about how he had not.

By the way, this is my first. What did you say? Televised. Yeah. What snippy comment? I said, I said something. I forget exactly. You didn way, this is my first. What did you say? Televised stand up thing. Yeah, what's hippie comedy? I said, I said something. I forget exactly.

You didn't, you didn't ask him or you, or you went right to his screen. He said, he said, he said, right. He said,

I need to watch it. So he went to his bedroom to watch it. My sister was there too. And as he was watching it, he. Not to the bedroom. No, he couldn't even watch it in your face.

Well, you know how it is with comedy. You came out of his balls. And, um, he, he goes, he comes back and he says oh no i did watch this with my brother his is my uncle we watched it together oh his brother's your uncle shut the and and uh he and i was like oh well you should have written something, anything to me. Other people's parents have written to me saying, we're so proud of you. Oh, that's the worst. Yeah.

And it reminds you. You're like, fuck yeah, this is what they're supposed to do. Yes. Oh, my God. How many times have I had that thought? With girlfriends, too. And I said, you should have written. And he tried to make excuses.

Tried to make excuses. He said, you know how busy he is. But he had just revealed that he had watched six seasons of Downton Abbey the week prior. So I was like, you're not that busy. You're not that busy. And he did a thing where he said, you know, he tried to flip it. Tried to flip it. He said, you don't take an interest in my life.

And I said. Oh, now he's the victim. Now he's the victim. Now he's the victim. And so I do, and I've done this before. We're on a sketch team together. Six years. These are my best buds.

And I said, what's the name of my sketch team? What's the name of my sketch team? No idea. I said, name any member from my sketch team. And their names are pretty common. Chris Douglas Russell. he was just also a reveal that he does not listen to this podcast at all by not knowing my name of course he's like he had multiple opportunities to know my name you know uh yes have you ever dug deep into your father's past oh yeah because you know what i learned a lot about my

family during the pandemic by talking to my grandmother spending hours on the phone i learned that she had never married my grandfather but took on his name and how we treated her and i used to talk to my grandfather and get his side of the story and the relationship you can learn a lot about yourself by learning your past of how your family because a lot of us are dealing with like uh ps ptsd of like trauma that we don't even know that's genetically ingrained in us for sure yeah and with your dad it's like did he ever want to be a comedian well so so we've talked about this we've talked where he like he'll always say like i'm interested in the arts i'm interested in your career and then he'll bring up this one summer when he was 17 he went to london and did a theater

camp and i mean i've heard this story 50 times. And he's like, he played a mailman in one play and a dog. So it couldn't have been good. Those are not big parts. And then he talks about how he saw Fiddler on the Roof with Zero Mostel and Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf. So he always talks about it. He's like, I loved it. And I loved it.

And he always brings it back to his one time he explored theater. And then he'll pitch to me like i haven't the idea he always pitches for me he's like son you got it right it's called my wife's boob job and i want you to make it into a movie or a sketch a full movie a trilogy and i'm like i i you don't know what to say because you're like take an interest in in me. Don't pitch me ideas. He's like that annoying guy after a comedy show who pitches you ideas. But he's my father. And he's the guy after the show every time I visit.

So it's tough. But imagine somebody that looks like you living your life. Sure. I'm sure he's jealous. I'm sure he's jealous. Parents can be jealous of children. I agree. Absolutely. Parents can be jealous of children. Imagine someone that looks like you

younger, better shape and living your dream. Yeah. I do have a question. I'd struggle too but I would admit it. I would go to a therapist. I think it's so deep in him. You know all people who don't go to therapy? Well, my dad does. Oh, he's like, damn.

He's been to the same thing. God, for God. Damn it. Wait, I have a question. Yes. What kind of things do you ask him about his life? Well, so it's tough. Because you might be self-centered and we side with him.

He could be self-centered. I think you're usually good at asking him things. Well, I am. What kind of things do you ask? But this is what I tried to explore too. Because he's depressed. I'm depressed. We're all depressed.

Shit, I'm depressed. Yeah. So he'll be like, I don't take an interest. And I'm like, well, when I say, how are you doing? How's work? It's just like, it's terrible. And he never gives details. And so it's like I'm trying to teach an adult man how to tell stories i'm like tell me

what happened at work go into the details tell me about a job tell me about he has a whole company he has employees tell me about it do you understand that humans have evolved into what you are today yes do you understand that yes people didn't want that that wasn't a part of their evolution back in the day if we're on the charts my dad's two people behind me in that line. But we have evolved into wanting to communicate, needing an answer. We have evolved into these type of people. Before, they didn't know what to do. It was like silence.

Don't talk to me. Okay. I keep all my feelings inside. And then some people choose to kill people. You see how I brought it back to the serial killers? Uh-huh. Boom. There you go.

Every day wondering about the knock at the door. Yes. Yeah. And his dad sounds Every day wondering about the knock at the door. Yes. Yeah. And his dad sounds like, I never met my dad's dad, which is a tradition I hope to continue with my son. But I never met him, but he was apparently, he was like, he like made art. He wrote lyrics for a Rosemary Clooney song. Oh, this is in your family.

He and his kids, it sounds like. He left my dad's family and started a new family in Florida, where you're from. With a hippie? No, with like a secretary. He like left his wife for a secretary or something. Oh. He was a lyricist with a secretary?

He was a lyricist. Carl Cerezi, he wrote like one song. Your grandfather probably, because back in the day, in your grandfather's days, women wasn't given blowjobs. So this secretary gave him a blowjob and he was willing to say, forget his family. I'm moving to Florida. The worst state ever to live in. I'm curious about blowjobs. Because there's no way we didn't invent blowjobs.

But I feel like our ancestors wasn't doing it. I don't know. I'm sure some people were. It was a couple of hoes, but of course you go to a brothel. Brothel women were given blowjobs, but everyday husband and wife, remember, people didn't even sleep in the same bed. Sure. I'm sure a man figured

it out first on himself or on someone else. I definitely believe people weren't eating pussy. I feel like that. Men were like, what is that? That's insane. Some men from other countries don't.

You remember DJ Khaled saying he won't eat his wife out. Where's he from? And she never looked at me. First, why is he sharing that to the public? He said that he's just not into that and he's Middle Eastern. On the Sopranos.

Remember? You've always, almost every podcast you say Middle Eastern men don't eat pussy. Shut up! That's always been something. I've never said that. He always,

he tries to cancel me. You look like you said it. Yeah, you look like you said it. You admit that. You do look like you said it. He looks like he has it tattooed on his lower back. I do look like I said it,

but I didn't say it. Um, that's, yeah, he really should. He definitely should. And also, some women,

some women don't want that. You shouldn't feel proud to say that on record. You know, but I was with your wife is like right here. I've been wondering, I've been with one or two women that are like, oh, I don't like guys going down to me.

And I always feel like, I'm like, well then good luck. Cause that's, that's the best I got. The other stuff. I'm not, I'm not making it happen with the other stuff.

That's the finisher. You're going to get the set, but there's no closer to it. Okay. Only thing coming out of this dick is baby making. So you love your family. Are you close to their family? Yeah, certain members. Sure.

Some people I just don't vibe with but what i was listening to your your whole history kiss my ass you worked with your whole family you you if child labor laws did not seem to apply to your childhood you did more shit okay when you were you were a true hustler as a kid um some people say they wonder do um are you is that something a skill that you develop or is it something you're born with I believe you're born with that that skill being a hustler being a hustler and a hard worker yep sure I've always embodied that since I was a child did did your parents did they have money were they hustlers because they needed money like um I guess we was we was basically black in America, generational wealth, zero,

you know, and you just had to work to survive. But they, they believed in self ownership and having your own, even though they had jobs along the way, but it was just like, what can we do to like live this American dream? And one thing that my mother said to me, that was really beautiful. She said, I'm so proud of you because you're better than me. You a better version than me and that's all I could ever ask for is that you you you whatever I taught you you took it to another level you became this who you are and it's better than me I mean that's the dream of every child to hear yeah me specifically from my father I that's what

I want him to say. You're better than me. And it may take a couple of more stand-up comedy shows. I mean, you know, television specials and stuff. He's like, well, when it's a Comedy Central half hour, we'll talk. When did she say that to you? Just out of the blue? Yeah, she said that to me a few years ago.

She was like, yeah, I'm just happy that you're better than me. You did better than me in life. Oh, my God. That's very moving. And it's like, yeah, I'm just happy that you're better than me. You did better than me in life. Oh, my God. That's very moving. And it's like, it's true. Like, I broke so many generational curses in my family as far as money, as far as opportunity, as far as just like exploring this life, you know? Your mom had you when she was 17,

right? A week after her 17th birthday. So she was pregnant at 16 and my father was 19. Oh shit. What are the rules in Florida? Russell knows all the states. And I asked my mom about it. I said, was he,

was it statutory rape? My mother was like, no, it was a such thing called the sweetheart law. And you know, the three year, it's a three year gap. Is that really what it statutory rape? My mother was like, no, it was a such thing called the sweetheart law. And, you know, the three year is a three year gap. Is that really what it's called? It is called a sweetheart law. So somebody in certain states can someone 19 or 20.

There's a three year. Yes. If you look at it, it's called a sweetheart law. Or some call it the Romeo and Juliet law. It's in some states where it could be like a three year. At least not like the Lolita law. I love imagining that brainstorming session

to like with men trying to come up with like good names for that. Oh Jesus, Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, that's right.

People love that. Sweethearts are so positive. I would call it the like little sweetheart. Okay. Yeah. Okay, law. Okay.

You're both young, I guess. So your mom's like only 17 years older than you like yeah is that because in a way you get your mom for a longer time i mean is it cool having a young mom is it weird when you see other people's moms who are older it's crazy because i have my grandmother so you know she's always right there with a wig shaking but how old was your do you have how old your grandma was when

she had your mom uh she was well into her 30s okay but my grandmother had three kids by the age of 19 so i actually broke the curse of not to be a teenage mother but now they're on my ass like hey when are you gonna have kids because we we wanted you to make it to like 21 but now you're like that's why your mom was like you're better than me so you can chill now and have a baby she told me that if i have a child the child can live with her and she'll accept that we just i just come and visit she said you can totally live your life i just don't want any adopted kids i want you know somebody that is from you because you came from me and you could just visit whenever you want she said if you can't come back for a year,

we'll be right here. I gotta say your mom. That sounds great to me. Very generous. I feel like she wants to cheat. She was, she had more kids. She never,

how many, how many, I'm just her only child. Oh, she's 52. So she like, yeah, I could raise another baby.

Yeah. 52. That's, that's incredible. Um, sorry. Um, so,

so they, they were, they were married and your parents got divorced? Yep, at age six. How the hell you know all of this? I watched your little intro video on your YouTube. Oh, yeah, I did give out a lot of information. Damn! It was a really perfect, like, you know, for the podcast. I was about to say, you work for the FBI!

Well, I always try to do a little research. You're like J. Edgar Hoover trying to break me down it can be tough and then there's this like 19 minute video and i'm like oh boom boom boom ever literally everything yeah i told everything in it i wanted people to know and it was like a good story mine would be like mine would be a sad there'd be sad music behind but your parents got divorced you were like six six and did they both stay in florida no we actually moved around a lot. But then I remember staying with my mom for like a short period of time. And I lived with my father for years. It was me, him and my uncle. And I believe we were in a one bedroom. We were in a one bedroom apartment.

It was just us three. You, my uncle, my dad's brother. And why did you go with them as opposed to your mom? My mother said she never wanted me to, because one of my mothers, she loves to say this. I don't know why she takes so much joy in this. Because I was like, I'm not going to let you raise my kids. She was like, I don't know why. No one ever touch your booty.

My mother loves to say this. Because I was never sexually abused. So my mother, this is her claim to fame of being a great parent right she's she crazy like that so i'm just like so it was just me my dad and my uncle and we went fishing every day and it was just us three my uncle kids would come over sometime but it was us three for years until my dad ended up getting with another woman and he had more kids but she said the reason why she uh let me stay with my father because she lived in a city for work that she didn't know people in and she didn't want to just

leave me at anyone's house yeah and she knew that my father could be there every single day to pick me up and drop me off from school my father picked me up every single day so you were close yeah and you went fishing together yeah every single day we went deep sea fishing and now you sell fish. What's deep sea? Deep sea is ocean fishing. Yeah. Where are the two locations? Saltwater.

For your mom was in what city and your dad was in? You know what? I always tell people if someone offered me a million dollars right now, cash on the table and said, name every school you ever been to, I wouldn't even try. I promise we cannot make that offer. It's just so many schools so you know my dad would move and then my mother would move and then i'll be back in what general area of florida were you oh palm beach county oh okay yeah south florida okay yeah we like to say south florida hoe yeah okay so you went to miami i went to University of Miami. That's different though.

Yeah. U of M is a good, I dated a guy from U of M. And that, so that means it's good? It was a shitty school. It's a garbage school. No,

he was really good at basketball. It seems like smart people that I know, I mean, my wife went there, you went there, like people went there. Well, if you bring your wife into the shore, yeah,

it's a great school. And that's a big school. Like how many people did you guys have? Like 70,000? 70,000? I think it was 2,500 per grade. And then there was a graduate program. Oh, that's it?

I thought University of Miami was a huge school. You know what's cool? I just recently performed at it. And their football games get like 70,000. It was the University of Florida. I performed stand-up. And they like did a whole article, put me in a book set because I was the second woman to ever perform there. And they've had Dave Chappelle.

They've had some big names. Who's the other woman? I can't think of her name because it was somebody that I've never like really stats before. But yeah, that's a, I wonder when they stopped counting when they're like, you know,

you're the third woman. You're the fifth woman here. First black woman too. There you go. Yeah. Well, they stop counting. When they're like, you know, you're the third woman. You're the fifth woman here. First black woman, too. There you go. Yeah. Well, they're good. They were like, this is history. I was like, oh, you know about the history?

They were patting themselves on the back pretty hard. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, we have really progressed. They're like, what year? 2021? Normally we feed you to the gators. We're going to let you before this time. What is deep ocean fishing?

It's just ocean fishing. So, you know, most people think of fishing, they think of freshwater. It's very slow. Yeah. It's very slow. Freshwater is more so like tranquility. You know, just want to go out there have a great time enjoy the water enjoy the outside atmosphere that's fresh water now if you want to catch fish back to back to

back to back to back got to get out there in the ocean did y'all have like uh uh your own boat to yeah oh nice and how you catch them what makes it more great you're just like you're doing a rod yeah we're doing a fishing rod my dad just hit me up said he's gonna get some electric rods he said because he's been fishing out of Louisiana and it's hard to get the fish in 150 feet of water he's like it's a lot of work but so we will fish mostly intercoastal or right outside so intercoastal water is like fresh water mixed with salt water that leads into the ocean so it's more man-made and it leads into the ocean so uh we will fish out there you catch a whole bunch of sand perch and stuff like that. But we also tie guppy rigs on the line.

So I can have my string and then my fishing string. And then I can tie three hooks on there. So I go down, put a hook up there, tie one, let it hang loose, tie one on this side, boom, boom, boom, and put a weight on the bottom so I can catch three fish at one time. You putting worms on these hooks? No, we don't use worms so you use squid you use shrimp or you use like bait that you get out the ocean you just throw a cast and catch some bait saltines smaller fish yeah and were you

comfortable holding these these fish uh well we're holding a lot of fish you have to actually use a rag because the scales cut you yeah they'll cut you like a razor blade i've been cut to the white meat before i didn't even know i had white meat guys when you say that do you mean bone yeah to the bone oh my god where did you on your hand oh my god that's home it's like a razor blade and then imagine salt water oh it's the worst experience so you actually have to take like a rag or a cloth and then grab it at a certain where you put the uh the fins down and then you take the hook out and also right here in their gills it's like a razor blade too it could cut you there so if they move it could like slice your hand open so where did you you went to the bone what happened do you remember that day

you had to go to the hospital something really uh tight and wrap it up and you know what's crazy saltwater catfish my dad's friend was on because everybody hates catfish because when you go to the ocean you don't don't nobody really eat saltwater catfish people eat freshwater catfish okay but not saltwater and his friend in the saltwater um uh catfish they're uh i don't know those little things that stick out they're they're poisonous and so he stepped on it with a boot, right? He stepped on it, and somehow that thing stuck through the boot, and it poisoned him.

He got some of the poison in him, and he had to go to the hospital and get the boot cut off. Oh, my God. He was so swollen that he couldn't take the boot off. Yeah, saltwater catfish is something you don't play with. So regular catfish, they you don't play with. Regular catfish, they don't have that though. Regular catfish, freshwater catfish,

no, but saltwater catfish, they have this poison in them. If it get in you, it'll swell you up and everything. I think the best way to deal with it, no, that's jellyfish. Somebody has to pee on you. I don't know. Jellyfish, I think that's true that was on episode of friends i'm like okay are you making good money when you're doing the fish not right now

i wasn't like hopping like so how's things going financially for you right now that's a nice jacket what's going on no uh so yeah so um what i used to do is my dad would pull up to a lot of communities. In Florida, we have a lot of apartments that are like one level, and they look like cul-de-sacs, so it look like a U. So my dad would pull up, and he'll be out in the car. He'll be there, pop the trunk, and he'll open the cooler and have the fish waiting, and I would go around to everybody's door. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

Fresh fish. Boom, boom, boom, boom. Fresh fish, fresh fish. And the people would come out. They'll look. They'll go back in their house get their money and they come out we sell out we usually only make it to one or two spots yep and then we be out there because sometimes you argue with the Haitian people because Haitian people they try to nickel and dime you we like no this is fresh fish you can't get this out the grocery store we just caught this today and it's in there it's on ice we put it up in the bags we put it get ziploc bags and hand it to them and they give us the money cash so yeah you we just

beat on doors well how often restaurants go to restaurants how often are you doing that we're doing this like every day wow yeah we're going to school too so you're going to school and then afterwards you go fishing i've always been really good at school so yeah yeah we're fishing every single day and your dad's still doing it now still doing it and i think he's what 54 yeah that's right young too yeah i mean that boot incident that would have been the last day i ever fished it wasn't him it was the other person so i don't remember i think it was one of our cousins does he just love the water too like is that raise you catch a lot of stingrays and sharks too stingrays their tails are well that's how yeah that's how steve irwin died yeah so a lot of times people they know it's crazy because my dad and uncle them they know how to

grab them and the little tail be whipping i'm like yo this shit dangerous and then um sharks one time we one time we went out on the ocean and we was like my dad because he has a fish finder on the boat so he's like wow it's a lot of fish up underneath us and we was like oh shit everybody pulling out their rods and dropping every time you reel up it was a shark shark shark so he was like cut the lines cut the line because shark have so many teeth you some things you don't even want to sometimes we just cut the line so you you let them have your, your hook, your bait, everything cut the line, the weight, they keep it.

Do you, do you miss fishing? What was the last time you fished? Uh, the last time I fished, it's been a couple of years. Uh, the one guy we used to go fishing with in Florida,

he died. He died on the boat. Oh no. Yeah. He died on the boat. Just had a heart attack. His name was Caesar. No,

he didn't have a heart attack um so he had so he had this thing where uh yeah it's just so hard to talk about but he had he fished this man fished every single day he used to sell fish but he also owned a tow truck company and he looked really young black guy he all he was fish and stuff he just really had a great spirit and a heart he had a family a wife everything and so um and he was really like successful in his tow trucking business and stuff like that helped the community and so uh he had his fishing rods and sometimes the fish depending on what comes grab your line they're strong enough to pull your whole rod in the thing because you put your rod in the rod holder your fishing rod and then you leave it and once you hear the line or whatever because you can um most fishing rods have uh like

you know uh i can't think of the word right now but it makes a lot of noise when the fish is on so you know it's a fish on there so you come over and you you know usually the fish is hooked then you reel it in so what happened is this fish had to be a big ass fish. It pulled his rod in. So he, he wanted to save his rod. He jumped in after his rod, which is something he's done plenty of times. He jumped in to grab the rod out of the water and he didn't know that the

current was so strong and he died. He couldn't, he couldn't get up, but I seen a man die before. How old were you when you saw that? This was a white guy. He was out there trying to surf. And he couldn't handle the current.

And so I remember nobody could save him. It was nothing. We had to watch him die. So you saw him surfing and you saw like the waves. You know, because I don't know what it is about your people, but y'all like to do some crazy adventurous shit. Black people know not to fuck around with that. I don't think Jews are is about your people, but y'all like to do some crazy, adventurous shit. Black people know not to fuck around with that. I don't think Jews are surfing.

Your people. Yeah, your people. Can you imagine me surfing? I'm avoiding the surfing. No, but you know, white people do some adventurous shit. One thing about them, you guys don't mind. They're looking for reasons to be in trouble. We have to create our own obstacles.

Yeah, the Aborigines and stuff black people in certain countries we do but black americans we don't do all that adventurous yeah we kind of like we were close close to the coast where where that was it was yeah it was so we have in florida you have these long piers that go out and so it was this pier that was out and we were out there on the pier and we watched this man die because he was out there surfing and then he lost control like he fell off his surf and the current was so you know that current is like a whirlwind pool and he and we saw him fighting and you saw him he was losing breath he kept fighting this guy was yelling you hear him scream he couldn't scream yeah yeah he had no fight left in him and he was just and then you'll see him keep going back under till we

didn't see him anymore and then eventually you see the coast guards come out there and try to look for the body but yeah so yeah it's dangerous did that fuck you up seeing that it was also in the back of our mind like why the fuck are you doing that because there's so many reports for you to know that the current is what the current is they tell you if the the wind or the water is a certain miles per hour everything is so many apps but you think you can conquer that stuff they go out there playing with yeah playing with see it's not like a regular person where you'd be like oh put the gun down put the knife down you can talk them you can't talk nature out of death of course have you ever been stuck in an undertow like if you ever like i've had it happen a couple times nothing too severe a couple of times and he gonna say he ain't living life on the island i mean like like it's

just the feeling of where it feels like the ocean is sucking you back oh yeah yeah and like what's so amazing about it your life and it will take it you'll and you'll you'll feel it and i was just a little kid but you'll feel like and you feel like you come up and it hits you another wave hits you and then you come up and like everyone on beach, no one's really noticed. And you see your family sitting there and you want to be like, I almost stopped existing. And you're just, you're drinking? You're celebrating?

It's scary. I would never. I feel like if it's at all, even a little bit, yikes. I'm not going. When we were in Barbados, I was like, this feels a little stronger than I'm used to. I were in Barbados, I was like, this feels a little stronger than I'm used to. Like I went into like my waist and I was like, this is like, you know, when it starts, like every time it goes back out, you're like, it's harder. That water can carry you out deeper into the ocean, too.

Yeah. But it was sad to watch that man die. And then I almost seen a dog die because this dog was like this unruly dog, somebody's dog. And it was barking at birds and stuff it's a lot of pelicans and stuff around that yeah and jumped off into the water and the current sucked the dog in but it was a boat nearby and the boat was able to drag him and put him in but see that current with that man the current was so strong it was no boats or nothing around so it was nothing anyone could do people tried to throw out rope and stuff,

but he was fighting. This man's fighting for his life. He has no fight to try. He can't narrow in and be like, oh, let me grab this rope because I'm just in the water. He's fighting against force. Do you know how strong the current force is? Yeah.

Well, our rule is once we hit two deaths, we go to a commercial break. Here it is. We hit two and a half go to a commercial break. Here it is. We hit two and a half almost. This is an ad by BetterHelp. What comes to mind when you hear the word gratitude? Maybe it's a daily practice, or maybe it feels hard to be grateful right now. Don't forget to give yourself some thanks by investing in your well-being.

BetterHelp is the largest online therapy provider in the world, connecting you to qualified professionals via phone, video, or message chat. Let the gratitude flow. Visit betterhelp.com to learn more and save 10% on your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com. I am so dreading groceries this week. Why? You can skip it. Oh, what, just like that? Just like that. How about dinner with my third cousin? Skip it. Prince Fluffy's And we're back. it skip to the good part and get groceries meals and more delivered right to your door on skip and we're back uh that is that is wild um all right so deep sea fish you did that uh one of the other things we talked about we were at the cellar together and you were talking to me about uh the casinos working at the casinos yes and how old were you when you were doing this job so I

first started my first casino job as a cocktail waitress at MGM Grand Detroit at 18 years old sure yeah and it's good money yeah good money it was like twelve dollars an hour plus tips and I would only work there Friday Saturday and Sunday I was a part-time cocktail waitress and a lot of the older girls are sick because everything was by. And a lot of the older girls, because everything was by seniority, a lot of the older girls would want to go home early. So I would take their spots and work and make my little money. And I was making like $1,000 a week while I was in college.

And I would go to classes Monday through Thursday, come and work at the casino Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Do you ever get tired? Do you ever get sleepy? Well, when I was young, in my 30s, I couldn't do that shit. Sure, sure. I can't learn and work.

In my 30s, it's one or the other. It's one or the other. I don't read books because I can't do it all. No, I'm just joking. And when you were a cocktail waitress, is it a pleasant job? Are there people treating, or is it a lot of just people grabbing? Yeah, it's a lot of people that are thirsty for the drinks and stuff, especially because it's free drinks. So you got a lot of people because you we could only get free drinks

if you were gambling and so some people hurry up and put a dollar in the machine when they see you come by and then so we will get people that wasn't tipped and when you didn't tip us we would do things to your drinks oh what would you what would you do oh nothing like with your bodily functions or uh nothing like that because I think that's gross. People would spit in people's stuff. That's nasty. So if you were like a lady or a guy who never tipped us but was kind of working us, you would ask for coffee. So what we would do is we would put half hot water, half coffee.

And it'd be so watered down, you wouldn't even want it. Most of you will see them go in and have have yeah and then they're like and then so if they ordered a juice or something you put half water half oh that's smart if they asked for a double you would only get them a single shot and they're like this water drink it's watered down it's like you don't tip us yeah but i did have a situation where this one lady a long time ago she didn't tip me and she was so nasty with kind of like a racist undertone she was just like very demanding almost like I was her slave or something she talked to me very nasty very belittling and demeaning and so what she would do she was she wanted to drink every single time I came around

so she would order say a Grey Goose and Cranberry so every time I would go in the bag I would get a double shot ask for a double and then I would ask for a shot on the side and I pour in there so she'll get three shots and drink she was drinking it like a fish they had to carry that bitch up out of there she had the I know she had the worst hangover ever her friends they kicked her out of the casino because she could no longer her friends I saw just kidding she lived but I'm just like yeah bitch that is that's very different than the watering down you're like yeah over serve over serve yep that uh those casino people i mean they can be nasty i i don't i don't like casinos that much i like going for your thing i like going he's been a

mohegan son i've done a bunch of mohegan like to like, I'm fine with just sitting in a bar, paying for drinks, like doing the thing. I don't like gambling. But the people that go there, it is an energy of like, like, give me, you know? It's an addiction. I think a lot of people sleep on that casino. And like gambling is an addiction equivalent to drugs.

I told you about the one time I saw a guy, he didn't want to leave the blackjack table. He shitted on himself right there at the table. Because he couldn't take a few minutes to go to the restroom. Did he tell people? He was losing, but no, he was losing. Then they just, everybody just like smelled

something. And then I saw them come up, put do not, you know, those wet floor signs around him. He's just sitting there? Yeah, because he had shitted. Now it's not a safe zone anymore how long until they said sir you have to leave i don't remember because you know it's in between working but i just remember him he was a heavyset dude um and he just sat there and just shit as long as he said it white guy you know of course he was always angry because you you

can tell the crazy thing about the casino too they own a lot of property you know you can put your house up this this you can put your car if you have the d to anything you could put that shit up as collateral i would make that illegal if i was i would make that illegal yeah that's so some people are losing their lives some people murder themselves or commit suicide because they lose everything i know one one guy I knew, he said he went through like over 100K in like, it was like three or four days. Because he couldn't leave because you start chasing your money. Yeah. You say, well, if I just get my money back.

And it just becomes an addiction. And then poker players, oh, some of them sit at the tables for two and three days and don't wash their ass. Don't brush their teeth. Would you ever shit yourself? No. I don't know what I'd be winning. I'm not a gambler at all. I feel like every time we go, our friend Chris is like, just do this $20.

And I'm like, I don't like, I don't get anything out of it. It's hard for me. It stresses me out to be like giving away money and like, because it's not worth it to me. You sure you're not Jewish? It just, it stresses me out to be like, I'd rather know what I'm using this for and, and do it like,

like I'd rather have a nice meal and, or do you gamble? Do you have it in you? I feel like people who have stories like him, they, they, they like to spend that money on prostitutes. I just like to know that this money is going to a nice girl

who gave me a blowjob. No, one time I did go to Vegas, though, and I was in grad school, and so I had no money. And I was with friends, and one of the friends was a doctor, and it was people with money. And I was very much the grad student without any money.

And we were at some bar, and it was the only time in my life where I'm like, oh, there's just prostitutes like everywhere. Like they'd come up to you. On the floor, on the casino floor. Yeah, they work. In the bars, yeah, restaurants. And the second or third time I'm like, you don't want, like you're barking up the wrong tree.

Like I have no money to like, like, cause also there's this thing where you're like, you don't want to be rude and be like, assume. Yeah. But you're like, you know, like I'm not used to people like certain types of women just coming up and like talking and you're like,

I know this isn't real, you know, like, but you don't want to just be like, I know you're a prostitute. And plus they rob you too. Once they get you up to the room. Yeah.

So, um, I just eventually had to, I felt like I was being rude, but I was just like, just those ones have the money. Like, you know, like don't, it's a waste. It's a waste of your time.

What if there's one woman who was like, I really just liked your vibe. You could just tell. Those ones have the money. Those have the money. There's two of them together. Like, it's like a very clear. Do you know what I mean? Why?

Did I say the story about when I was in Hamburg? So I went to Hamburg and there was sex workers there. And I. Is this confessional? Sort of. So I was in Hamburg the so I went to Hamburg and there was sex workers there and I I Is this confessional? Sort of. Why did so I was too scared I was too scared to do it

I wanted to I thought you did do it. No that was the happy ending in Amsterdam. Oh Oh No I was too scared I was too scared to get like an STD

I don't know why I looked at your crotch after you said that You did You did What the fuck So I was too scared I was just scared I was going to get an STD You did. You did. What the fuck? So I was too scared. I was just scared I was going to get STD.

I was 21. Now I'd be like, fuck it. Whatever. Give me them all. But I, so they were offering, they were like, suck and fuck for 50 euros. That's good. That's cheap. That's cheap. Well, euros are a little more expensive.

A little more. But this was all a scam. Suck and fuck or suck or fuck? Both. That's what they said. That's a good deal. So I went up. I'm like 20. I'm like 21.

And I'm like, what else is there? And they said, oh, we can put on a lesbian show for you for 50 euros or whatever. And I was like, okay, sure. I'll watch. I'll watch.'ll watch that's interesting did you touch yourself well so so they get in there and they like the two women they lie down on the couch thing i'm just sitting on a chair and and they one of them says okay so now there's three options so you can have the little lesbian show for 50 euros or the medium lesbian show for

100 euros or the like really extreme lesbian show for 200 euros. And I, so I was, already I was like, this doesn't feel like what we had talked about outside. But I said, this is how frugal I am. I was like, I'll take the medium one. I'll take the medium lesbian show for 100 euros. So they like, one of them takes out one tit, one tit like this and starts showing pictures

on Facebook of one of their friends' wedding. Like to the other one. Like, oh, you like her dress or whatever? And I'm watching this. Like, I'm getting scammed actively. And I'm sitting there. I want more. I'm getting scammed.

And so at one point, one of them, they're like stretched out. One of them scratches me with their heel. And I was like, okay, guys. I feel like I'm not getting what we talked about. The medium. So then she said, okay. You can, let me a a dildo or vibrators she gets one she says but you have to pay for the condom to go on the on the vibrator

and now i don't know a lot about the biology but i've said i don't think dildos need condoms i'm pretty sure it looked like it was hers this was her station. Hers, her station. Hilarious. You should have paid her to wash it. And she said, I said, how much is the condom? 20 euros for the condom. So it's now like a $30, $25. You guys would have paid the $200. And here's what I did. I fucked up so bad.

I said, oh, all I have is a $100 euro bill. Could I get change for this? So she's like, of course. Walks back. I never see that 100 euros or that change ever again. Did you see her again? So yeah, she comes back out and she's like, don't worry, we'll give you the change after. I mean, I'm getting played left, right and center.

And so she takes the vibrator, still fully dressed, just one titty out. One titty out! It goes like this, just hitting it against her puss, just like this and talking to her friends. Did you see the vagina? No, just like, and not like sensual, just like, I'm tapping it with the condom. They probably never have sex with each other or you. They probably just scam their way the whole time. And I was ripe for it.

And I'm like, I'm fuming. I'm fuming and I'm powerless. And you kill both of them. Yes. There's the confession. Wait, but I'm confused. So do you think they would have scammed if you paid for the fuck suck?

Yeah, that's their whole, that's their MO. People say, at least with, at least like Amsterdam and Hamburg, they're like, come figure out all the terms prior to entry.

Like everything. Like if you want missionary, if you want this, that, list it all so you have an agreement before because if you do it a la carte in the moment then or you get the full girlfriend experience that's what they call it the girlfriend experience so basically they scammed me i felt i was i was where the girls hot or were they like some old i think they were attractive okay they were attractive it was

probably like like a lot but 21 it was cool you know where you should get joy in that story where you pay 200 euros but i'm pretty sure they only got 20 a piece their pimp got the most of it so you still win buddy at the end of the day their lives are miserable themselves so as i was leaving i was so mad and i have a temper and i very impotently as i'm leaving i i turn i was like fuck both of you and then i saw like the bouncer like give me a look where i was like what the fuck was i thinking and i ran and i ran as fast as i could so that's what y'all asking for trying to be freaky. Yeah. It's like a freaky karma. I was trying to be very,

I just wanted a medium lesbian show. Yeah. A medium. They could have, they could have just kissed each other. Me and you are around

the same age. What happened to porn, buddy? You want to see it in person sometimes? Have you, you have a mistress? You didn't go to college? What,

to see it? It's hoes in college all the time doing shit doing freaky shit not not in musical theater conservatories oh yeah that's right there are very few hosts very few hosts at all um so so the casino you did the casino and then you went to college for chemistry yeah wow dropped out of that bitch long were you, how long did you stay there studying chemistry? Four years.

And you were good? You know, most college degrees take at least four and a half, five to finish. Like, they say four years, but that's if you just going

16 credits each semester. Like, it's a lot. So, just, we didn't get real degrees, so like, we could have done it

in two weeks. for real. But chemistry. Yeah, chemistry. And I dropped out 10 credits short of a chemistry degree 10 credits and uh 55 000 in debt oh when you dropped out was that a tough decision or did you were you like no this isn't what i i said no i just gotta live my life and it's the best decision i ever made. Does your chemistry knowledge ever come into play and you're like, this is useless that I know this? I'm a business person. And unlike a lot of comedians that will be at my level, I make money.

Yeah. Because I'm coming from left brain. Sure. Mathematical. What's the terms? What's the conditions? Let me read this contract. Let me, okay, how can I be self-efficient for myself to make money?

And you're doing a lot now. You're doing a lot of content creation. Yeah. Do you ever get overwhelmed with how much you have to make content-wise? No, because I really wake up and make my own schedule. If I don't want to do it for five weeks, I don't do it for five weeks. I have so much content I can regenerate i've done over 700 sketches over 100 reaction videos and that stuff lives forever yeah yeah it is kind of cool yeah where like i've done tiktok long enough where i'm like i have a little content library that if something

else starts i can be like well i have a little library to contribute here. I'm giving myself to the world. What's your dream? What's your ultimate dream? My ultimate dream is to make it really big in this industry, be one of the top female stand-up comedians because I can't be a male, be one of the top female comedians because, you know, we've we gotta still categorize you know maybe

in the next five years they may just be like no you're non-binary you're the best but right now the best female comedian out and just uh just just get better every single day become a better human being uh and just okay more opportunities since Since this is the downside, what are you not happy with right now? I'm not happy with my love life. Oh, okay. What's missing? I need a man.

So you live in New York now? Yes, Jersey to be specific. And so you moved here single? Yep. Okay. Are you on dating apps are you like what i'm out here in these streets i'm outside uh-huh uh-huh what's what do you want what's missing i'm sure there i'm sure there are people asking you out what are they lacking um the ones that slide in my dm yeah a full set of teeth I don't know if you should be meeting people through

just people sliding into your DMs though no I'm just joking but yeah look at him he's like look at him using his husband logic I'll see you with your wedding ring he met his wife on on tinder oh for real tinder that's usually a fucking app

yeah well they, they did. They did. They suddenly did. But no, yeah. So, but it was, I don't know the Tinder thing now. That was, you know, we met six years ago. So it could be the wild. I don't know how, if it's changed.

Yeah, but you know, I like to meet people on wherever. Do you have any long relationships that ended recently? Yeah, in the past. Yeah. Yeah. In the past. Yeah. You ever think about getting married to someone

engaged no do you want kids yes you do want kids I'm gonna have two two I went to three different

psych kids in three different cities and they all said I'll have two kids not knowing what the other one said that confirms it three different cities

I think you can tell by your palm how many children you have you're really testing John Mark I'm cynical go to a palm reader they can tell you how many kids it's already etched in your DNA I have to express

I have trouble believing it I don't know where exactly it is, but yeah. Why would three different people tell me I'm going to have two kids? One of them didn't even see my party. Because it's the national average of how many kids people have. So it's a good gamble. If you're a gambler, you might say that. You don't know that that's true?

The nuclear family. But somebody could have said one. Yeah. We're in a day and age where one is the- Go to three more psychics. And if they all say two- Okay, cash at me. Psychics are expensive. Yeah? Yeah. Do you like three more psychics and if they all say two okay cash at me psychics are expensive yeah

yeah do you like going to psychics I do but you can't like keep going because it's it's addictive it's almost like

that gambling do you ever feel like they do do they ever tell you something bad because my thing is I feel like people go to psychics

a psychic told me that I wasn't gonna return to when I was on this NBC show they told me I wasn't gonna to return to when I was on this NBC show. They told me I wasn't going to return. He told me. Which show? Which show was this?

Keenan on NBC. Oh. I was recurring on there as a co-star. Had he seen the show? Was the psychic like, I saw it and you're not coming back? The show hadn't even came out yet. I asked him. I said, hey, is this job?

I caught COVID and i haven't heard anything i said will i be going back he said no let it go wait did you not go back because of covid i caught covid and they didn't bring me back so you were a character they didn't tell me they didn't even tell me i wasn't coming back didn't say anything to me i'm communicating with the the department they saying that i'll be back the next day they scheduling me in but they didn't whoever whoever didn't rely the message to them and i it was very it was very heartbreaking are you in any episodes i'm in one you only have a one-liner in the one because i was supposed to have a lot of more time you know it was just a like an introduction on the first episode and did a lot of dialogue and i caught covid and i don't know how you find out you go in there i went on my second episode to shoot and because of the covid laws you can't

come back for 10 years so i guess they decided they needed to move on yep but he had told me because i had needed to know because i'm i'm a um harper so i harp on things and it'll bother me uh because i i like to control things yeah So being that I can't control that situation and just call up somebody directly and be like, yo, let me know the real. So I called this psychic and he said, no, you're not going back. I said, are you sure?

He said, yeah, I'm positive. That's not in your cards. It'd be funny if the psychic was an executive producer and Keenan. Okay. Psychic was Keenan. Okay. You ain't coming back.

Well, I'm sorry. That's fuckingan. Okay. You ain't coming back. I'm sorry. That's fucking heartbreaking. Or maybe they just didn't like me. It's just like things just move so fast. No, because I was back for the second episode, but it was just they had to replace it. You know what I mean? Did you end up watching?

Was this a recast or they just changed the whole storyline? It was one girl who had the line that I had for that day in that scene but i had more in the rest of the episode but yeah i don't know if she ended i never watched it again it was too traumatizing yeah yeah yeah well i'm gonna stop watching it like i already have you live in this city you might want to watch it is it what is it do they film here no but you know the people are here from here so yeah i'd love to do it keenan just you know if anyone else gets listening we do not have covid and we'll be there and it's like it's like how did i catch covid it was like it's crazy because i was supposed

to shoot other dates but because they kept pushing it back and it was like why did it line up my mind kept going to how did it and why did it line up on this specific day that I caught COVID I hadn't worked in a week and a half I could have caught COVID immediately after I didn't catch COVID to that one day so I was like so now you start to think where is this going is this a sign that maybe I shouldn't be doing this it's hard to deal it's hard to cope with it's very because you're fighting for so many opportunities and then that's when I went back and I was like yo I'm so ungrateful for social media and the money that I make over there and the success that I have with social media and I was like yo I gotta be grateful

and then just more opportunities started to come from that. Yeah. Yeah. When I was about to do the Comedy Central set, and it was like my first like for, I did an acting before in TV, but the first thing is stand up. And they did a test the day before. And I'm telling you, there was not a happier moment that I felt this year, other than my girlfriend moments.

But when they told me the day before, when I took the test and I'm waiting outside, and when they came out and they said I was negative, I, because because i was like i was like if this is why i don't do it after i got so far so close and it's that same thing we're like i'm sure they say they remember you and maybe they're not gonna call you back once you catch covid yeah i don't know i think because production has to move on and they can't take a break from you because you're not a main lead i understood it's because I am not the main lead, but it's still hard.

It's hard to like cope with, you know? Cause it's like, I'm finally getting an opportunity to really showcase it. Yo, I'm good and I can do this. And then it's just like, nah,

bitch. Yeah. Is that what the psychic said? Nah, bitch, nah, bitch. Now give me the a hundred dollars.

How much is that psychic? Like two 50. Oh, he's a hundred dollars how much is that psychic like 250 oh he's a numerologist what's that mean he knows he can tell you a life path he can tell you stuff about your family he can tell you how old you are based on what year you're born yeah he can tell you how hilarious all right let's go on to our this has got to stop this has got to stop this has got to stop that's how i wish people would start this segment is like that yeah what has to stop you know what has to stop new parents posting they same little ugly ass child two facial expressions what what like they only have two faces you mean babies only have two faces happy and sad uh-huh that's it

they don't know like right now if you say do surprise i can be like surprise if you could say do sad i can do angry yeah we can do more faces i like that you're proving it to us yeah we have a whole bunch of faces in our pocket right i do babies only have two so it's like wait till your baby is able to express a new emotion before another picture six to eight months six to eight months do you know what i mean like there is something when it first happens you're and uh i get it i think there are certain people are you a parent no no uh but i i think there's certain people maybe in their life but you maybe could just send a picture i don't know i i i feel like it's like it's i i agree but i also don't understand it so much like i don't understand having kids so it's so hard for me to even understand the

psychology of of doing it so i i i'm i don't it's hard for me to like fully judge. Let me play the parent then. It's my baby. I want people to see my baby. Fuck that baby. Especially the parents, the new parents who didn't put the baby's picture as their profile picture. I hate those. I don't like that. So now I want to write some mean shit up under your photo and I see your cute little baby's face. The two faces that, one of the two faces that he has. They change it from the happy to the sad after you write the mean thing i i get it i think it would just be nice if there was an

easy feature to turn off baby just turn off the baby pictures and like the same way on youtube you have to mark like not for kids you have to be like this includes kids yeah because it's like new parents are all parents people that already have three or four kids, they don't post their kids like that because they already had that little first baby moment. But those first parents, boy, they'll post that picture up and down your timeline. And then it's like, bitch, you're not catching on. It's only getting two likes. Like, why are you still posting this baby? We've seen this face.

This photo looks like the last 15 photos what about costumes if they do like the halloween thing that's cute because that's that's that's certain times of the year you could do that just i need one photo though one photo one photo in the halloween outfit one photo by some presidents do give me gaps it is true though i've noticed that some uh some people's kids you're like know, there's a handful of kids on your social media thing that you're like, that person has a cute kid. Like, actually, like, I don't connect always, though, and it doesn't even matter my close. Well, only pedophiles say that. No, no, no.

No, but you know, like, sometimes I'm like. This dude's trying to sell a baby on a black market. No, but sometimes you're like, sometimes like, oh, that's a cute kid. But sometimes you're like, it doesn't always correlate to your relationship with the parents

is what I'm saying. Sometimes I'm like, I'm much closer to that person not connecting with their kid in their picture. Like, I'm like, it doesn't,

like, I don't know why you shared that. And other times I'm like, you gotta get that kid in a JCPenney. Like, it's like, you know what i'm

saying you should be a baby agent yeah yeah an agent a baby agent that is the perfect job because none of that shit he said made sense that kid the kid industry there's a lot of pedophiles there they have to be they just have to be weird about they definitely have to be like if they're good agents they do have to be weird about there was this uh great documentary called the Hollywood complex or something. It's about like kids, like going for pilot season in LA. Oh,

it's so fucked up. You know, they're, they're talking about women where they're like, ah, her tits are slightly coming in. She can only do this now and not this. And they have to talk about,

they have to like, they talk about adults, but they're talking about kids and they're talking about who's attractive to sell the thing. And it's just all weird. Holly weird. Yeah. Holly weird. We're going to have someone from that documentary on someday.

I would love to. Okay. Well, I hear you on the baby front. We have more and more people having babies. But will you post? Do you think you will betray? As soon as I have a baby, I'm going to post the shit out of that. Yeah, exactly.

I'm going to post all the two faces. It's just right now, it's just like I don't have kids, so it's like it's not appealing to me. But when I have a baby, I'll put that baby in your face every single day. But I'm going to be more, you know, creative with it. This is my baby as he's taking a shit, because you can always see baby's faces when they're taking a shit face number three yeah i'm gonna try to give you i'm gonna pull out some more emotional you know more expressions from my baby it would be funny if you

just posted everyone is face one face two every every photo was just labeled with one of those two okay i do like waiting for your emotions like step Like Stephanie experienced envy today for the first time. And you see her face is like. Was that your envy? What's your envy face? Ooh. What's yours? I'm not doing this. Do it again.

I don't. All right. Let's go to our final segment. You better count your blessing. You better count your blessing. You better count your blessing. What a fun episode. Russell, you go first because I don't have anything in. Let's have our guests go first.

Do you have a blessing for us? Blessing. Count your blessing. Like something super specific. Like something you're thankful for this week. Or, you know, not family or music, but a parking spot that was good. I'm thankful that I went on four dates in four days. Wow.

Four dates in four days. Anything rumbling with any of them? No, I got some prospects out there. That's a lot to juggle. I'm a busy girl. Will there be four second dates? Probably so. I mean, I'm just getting to know people just meeting them out you know just like hey listen to one person we all went to go three three to get drinks and then one to eat okay the older guy took me out to eat older people

always go out to eat like younger guys you know y'all gotta watch your money so you'd be like yeah sure sure like bitch one drink i'm trying to get guys, y'all got to watch y'all money. Sure, sure. Bitch, one drink. I'm trying to get to know you. Do they got to pay? Yeah, everybody paid. I'm a splitter. He's a nightmare. Oh, you're a splitter? He's a nightmare. I believe in it very fully.

I never dated white men before. No, I'm not a splitter. This guy is. I'm a splitter. I'm an artist, I'm not a splitter. This guy is. I'm a splitter. I would always tell him that. I'm an artist. I'm not a tech billionaire. Have you noticed? Let's bring this back full circle.

Sure. You basically said the dick wasn't that good. I said that? You said that earlier. Didn't he say that? He did say. And he got the nerve to split. He said, if you carry it out, your dick's not going to do anything.

She's going to split the check. No, no. I didn't say that. I didn't say that. He said his dick wasn't that good. I did not say the dick's not going to do anything. She's going to split the check. No, no. I didn't say that. I didn't say that. I did not say that. You said you were not going to please her with your dick. When I tell you if I went out with you

and found out that the dick wasn't good and you wanted to split the check, I will fucking stab you in the parking lot. I got a little short knife where it won't kill you and the police won't even do a real knife where it won't kill you and the police won't even do a real report on it because they're like oh yo you're a bitch you know i got one of them little knives like this big and just stab the fuck out of you like two or three times you're

like oh my god she just cut me and i'm like yeah i said dick motherfucker i said the eating pussy was so good no no people out there you heard what we heard okay am i delusional no no no you're spot on um listen it's okay i'm just saying i think you got a girlfriend though she loves whatever you got going on over there yeah yeah yeah she loves that trash dick it might not be your dick. It might be what you're doing with it. You know, we don't know. We don't know.

We're not saying it's exactly the dick. Everybody can't get married off of Tinder. Okay. That's true. That's true. Okay. She only has five. I have, I have, I thought, I thought of one.

I found a shirt I thought I lost today and it was one of my like go-to comfortable shirts and uh i'm thankful i found it i really was like where'd it go you know it's a small thing but it was it was i'm thankful for it that's great um i'm thankful for i'm going i'm doing a college uh near boston and my brother who goes to boston college i can't drive oh yeah you told me about that i can't i can't drive i can't fish i can't fuck and uh my my brother uh i'm gonna go to boston and he uh for a fee it's as an opener in a way he's gonna drive me to this college nice drive me back that's very cool that's very cool this is so beautiful i loved i never i never heard what white people are grateful for i've never heard that and it just shows that you guys have so much privilege a comfortable shirt and a ride to a college when you're gonna make

money well we have it's hard being black we've exhausted the the real ones uh but yeah but no it is a very frou-frou yes yes so thank you thank you i am jewish i want to just reiterate that i am jewish you know i'm black so white is white yeah there's a slight you know what no it is it is but can i be honest with you i didn't know what a jewish person was until i was until i moved to california yeah i didn't know about jewish people and when i first moved to california my first week i knew that i've heard of jewish people but i never pinpoint that in in my first week I knew that I've heard of Jewish people but I never pinpoint that in in my I'm from the I'm from Florida so both of y'all crackers yeah we don't say Jewish cracker there should we could call us a matzah I don't know I never

heard that before but see it's crazy because I had never heard like I didn't know the difference until I was like until I was like I think 20 22 maybe yeah yeah I didn't know the difference until I was like until I was like I think 20 22 maybe yeah yeah I didn't know the difference I know the difference now because you're more well cultured and you're around more people and certain things it's crazy because I grew up and not really knowing what not being around like um I didn't really experience Asian people like that it was very rare that I see it's not a lot of them in Florida where I'm from. And then like Mexican people was like a culture to meet those, them and see their culture and their food and stuff.

Because our Hispanic people, some of them look black. They can look like me or they can look like you. It's like, it's Russell. Yeah. No, Nicole has people in her family that very white passing.

Yeah. Yeah. White passing. But yeah, so I had to learn. and when i first came to los angeles i saw some jewish people the aesthetic jews and i thought they they were mormons that came to the city to get um get um like you know food and stuff like that i didn't know what they were i was like oh wow mormons are here they they travel so far i because i didn't know yeah yeah well i'm glad you know about my people now i know now um is there anything you would like to plug before we head out here this is coming out january 11th january 11th so far away you any gigs yeah um but check out my podcast Yes. Unapologetically Daphne.

Yeah. Yeah. Check it out. Check it out, Russell. Oh, no. What'd you say? No, that's it. Nothing to plug right now.

There will be Uncle Function shows. There will be shows, but I don't, you know, who knows right now. And I would say for me, I am going to be headlining Good Nights in Raleigh, North Carolina, January 28th and January 29th. Good nights in Raleigh, North Carolina, January 28th and January 29th. And I think we should all remember whether your dick is fire or your dick is trash, at the end of the day, someday your dick's going to be dead. This is The Downside. One, two, three. Downside. Downside Downside

Downside