The Downside with Gianmarco Soresi - #67 World’s Biggest Gape with Samantha Ramsdell

Episode Date: January 25, 2022

Samantha Ramsdell shares the downsides of applying for a Guinness World Record, using concealer to make your mouth look smaller after your peers compare you to Big Mouth Billy Bass, doing TikTok couple challenges with your non-performer boyfriend, being a child from your mom’s third (of four) marriages, your dad enlisting you as a wingwoman on your 16th birthday, not being able to sleep rawdog, and waxing poopy buttholes. I also finally confront the fact that I’m balding.  You can watch full video of this episode HERE! Join The Downside Patreon for early ad-free episodes the Friday before they're released on Tuesday, two BONUS episodes a month (AUDIO & VIDEO), + the good feeling inside that you're helping keep my delusions alive. Follow SAMANTHA RAMSDELL on instagram & tiktok See SAMANTHA RAMSDELL in a city near you Follow GIANMARCO SORESI on twitter, instagram, tiktok, & youtube Check out GIANMARCO SORESI's special 'Shelf Life' on amazon & on spotify Subscribe to GIANMARCO SORESI's mailchimp Follow RUSSELL DANIELS on twitter & instagram E-mail the show at [e-mail] Produced by Fawn Sullivan, Paige Asachika, & Gianmarco Soresi Video edited by Spencer Sileo Special Thanks Tovah Silbermann Part of the Authentic Podcast Network Original music by Douglas Goodhart Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You have a positive persona. Yeah. And this is the downside. I can be negative. Sure. I can get there. I can go there. I will say I think like part of the part of like we've had a couple people who are big

TikTok followings and like part of it is like positive. It's being positive. Totally. And feel free to dig in. I'm ready. Let's dig. All right. Well, thank you. My name is. You hate it when I stutter. I know ready. Let's dig. All right. Well, thank you.

My name is, you hate it when I stutter. I know you don't like it. I didn't say anything. You remember you did it once? I did not say anything. One time you said, do it again without stuttering. Your eyes said enough. No, no, no.

I didn't know if we were starting or officially, but we are. We already did. Keep going. You know how this is episode, what, 45? How we do kind of like a, we just start. Yes, no, I know. It's kind of cool. Off the cuff. Yeah. We already did. Keep going. You know how this is episode, what, 45? How we do kind of like a, we just start. Yes, no, I know. It's kind of cool. Off the cuff.

Yeah. Hip. Yeah, hip. Hip. My name is T. Marcus DeRazey. Welcome to The Downside. I'm here with my co-host, Russell Daniels. Hi.

And today we're joined by, what do you like to lead with these days? I know, that's the question. It's like, what do we call you? Yeah. Who call you? Yeah. Who are you? Because I hate the term, I hate the term content creator. Yeah.

Because it's so, it's so vague. It would be like if you, if you made shoes for a living and you said, I'm a stuff, I'm a stuff maker. I'm a stuff maker. It's like, well, give yourself a little more credit than that.

Right, right. TikTok star? Even like TikTok. It's like, well, give yourself a little more credit than that. Yeah. Right. Right. TikTok star. Even like TikTok. That's limiting too, because you do other things and you're onto their platforms. Totally. So it's, I don't know.

I was in Times Square and someone recognized me from TikTok. Really? And I said, thank you for watching my videos. And then his mom pepper sprayed. No, that's it. Oh my God.

Oh, look how naivete. Just like, oh my God. look how naivete just like oh my god I was gonna say that would be so sad cause like I can picture that actually happening

well there's a lot of there's a lot of kids right I tried on stage was it actually a kid wait is this a real story at all or no you thought it was a real story

I got recognized they were young they were young yeah but on stage I wanted to try so they recognized me and so I

and then I squat down like thanks buddy but it didn't work I thought it was funny yeah well so stand-up comedian comedian They recognized me. And then I squat down. I'm like, thanks, buddy. But it didn't work out. I thought it was funny. Well, so stand-up comedian. Comedian. Comedian.

Comedian. Artist. Female comedian. Lady comedian. Lady of the night. No, it's like I actually started as a singer. Like I was doing theater. Before COVID, tiktok before the mouth came to be the gape came out i was doing like i was doing off broadway stuff i was going to broadway calls

at four in the morning yeah i was my dream was to make it on broadway wow but of course you know like so failed broadway actress tiktok star yeah so comedian, content creator to a Samantha Ramsdale. Yes. Welcome. Thank you. Welcome to, you used to get about four in the morning to do that? Yeah. Well, I'd go to like, you know, did you ever do theater?

You remember. Oh my God. Come on. You went to those calls. No, not really. Because it was one of those things. Early on, I went to a musical theater camp. And I was like, oh, I'll go to one of these calls to see what they're like.

This is like junior year of college or whatever. So I went to a Phantom of the Opera open call for the chorus. And I was non-equity. And I just saw it. And I was like, oh, no, no. This is not how I'll break through. Because first of all, you were doing eight bars or 16 bars, not union, so super late in the day.

And you could hear them. And I heard them and I'm like, these are better singers than, this is not how I make it. Oh yeah, it's torture. Yeah, it's torture. Well, yeah, and that was what it would be. I mean, I would get up and I live in Stanford. So I would drive down, I'd wake up at three in the morning park in the garage sleep in the garage you know I'd go sign in and then go back to the garage sleep like do my vocal warm-ups in the car like it was so

that was pre you know a lot of people don't know that and and like I wasn't even like showing off my mouth at that point like you know now I have this guinness world record from tiktok like it all came from tiktok yeah let's talk about the actual record right yeah yeah well we got to get to the music i'm trying to wait for that music cue oh but you're you're leading us there oh yeah sometimes i like to so this is a new strategy where we just talk and like eventually someone says something like negative enough that i'm like that's it and we go into the thing now tell me this because you didn't have the Guinness, because I was reading a little bit, because for a while

it was just biggest, no gender, and you said, we need to gender more things. That's exactly what I did. I said, this is bullshit. One, two, three. Downside.

This is Downside. You're listening three. Downside. This is Downside. You're listening to The Downside. The Downside. With Gianmarco Cerezi. We will get to that. I like to open with a little problem of my own. And we've been digging for a problem. We've recorded three episodes in a row.

Yeah. For the first time we've done this. And I figured what we do. So I'm worried. It's just part of this is going to be about a body acceptance and body positivity. Yes. I'm worried I might be having a bald spot. And this is my box of hymns that came in the mail.

It came in the mail so quick. Let me tell you. He just discovered this the other day. Well, I've been noticing some videos where if you see the top of my head, it's just a little, you can see the skin. And so I was ignoring it and asking my girlfriend every couple

minutes, it's not. I'm making this up. She would obediently say, yeah, you're making it up. And then my friend Chris, who I've made fun of for some hair loss I have been listen if there's a God

I deserve this you deserved it a million percent you would you would you would make a lot of jokes in his

towards him yes yes about a few things his height if I lost my legs at the knee I'd deserve that too

based on that I'd still be taller than him okay so stop that's not true he a very sweet boy very sweet boy we can we can fight sometimes yeah but he he pulled me aside after we did a show we have a sketch team and after a show he said hey can uh i talk can i talk to you uh man to man and for i didn't know what it was like i thought i thought it was something else we had a fight kind of recently i was like maybe it's that yeah and uh he said you know i noticed while you were seated uh a little bit of thinning it's not bad at all and he really like he could not have been more of a sweetheart he's a sweet about it yeah uh and you told what did you say

he's told you well he he before the show, he pulled Douglas and I aside. Other people on the sketch team. Yes, Douglas is the theme music to this. Douglas, he, so he pulled, he goes, I got to talk to John Marco, and we were like, oh, about that fight that you had the other week. And he said, no, no, no. And he goes, no, no, no.

I noticed while he was sitting, his hair is thinning. And Douglas was like, yeah, can you not do that while we're around? Because we were like, also not now. Wait till after the show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't get this hat. But it sounded like he did a good job with it.

And then you promptly. Yeah, what did you think I would start? Oh, I ordered this on the way home. I remember there was a podcast recording that we did where I was ranking who in the room would be balding. And I did say that you would be balding first. And you freaked out on it. You cursed me. You got really freaked out.

So I think that, Jesus, John Marco, you should have opened this before we started. Okay, so he's trying to open his hymns. He's unboxing. Hymns could sponsor us. They do a lot of podcasts. Oh, there we go. Do your dad, did he bald? Is he bald?

No, not yet. You know what's funny? We, you know, I have, you know, I would say, you know, a lot of hair. Sure. Which the kids like to point out, too, constantly. Everything wrong about me. They're like, your arms are hairy. Oh.

What's wrong? You know? Can I say something horrible I did once when I was younger? I was at a camp, and I had a crush on this girl this we were young i mean this is like this is like third grade right she was in third grade i was i was in high school already and uh uh you missed that completely oh sorry i was offering to help open your hand yes of course yeah and so some people accused me of having a crush on her and i said i tried to deflect and i want people to know and i said no her arms are hairier than mine oh john marco someone told her of course

they did and she cried and now she's a big tiktok star she has the hairiest arms shut up no you are are so goable. Oh my God. I love it. Wait, I have a question about HIMSS. Is this just for hair? Is this, does this do other things? I thought HIMSS was like an umbrella of like hair, boners, multiple things. It's like an umbrella. It's an umbrella for those two things. And what's funny, so with hair loss, I haven't done a lot of research yet but they're like this is a topical spray and like it's not fda like fda hasn't said that it's it's not sure

if it works or not okay the thing that definitely does work is this pill but the thing with the pill is it really comes hand in hand with erectile dysfunction but just don't they have a pill for don't they have a doesn't hymS have a pill for a boner? Are you going to take this now? No, this is just the spray. You think I'd take the pill and all of a sudden I'm like... I'm no longer hard. Okay, there it is.

Has my name. Finasteride. I feel like that's a... They put your name on the bottle. Apply six sprays to the area of hair loss. The scalp twice daily. You gotta do a TikTok transition, you know,

like, oh, saddy, low hair. And then like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

I hope that's the case. So yeah, I tried this and then if it doesn't work, there's a, first we see how long how long how long do i want it no no i just a joke no how long like would you are you trying there's erectile dysfunction not long at all well i know i'm saying i know i'm joking okay yeah it takes like six months they say to wait okay for full full decision how much is that a supply of well let's say let's do the math.

Six sprays a day. How many sprays would you say? I don't know. I'm asking. That's why I'm saying. I think this is a six month load or whatever. Six month load. And by the way, it starts, it costs like, I think this is, I think it's 50 a month.

But it could be 500 a month. What am I going to do? I don't got many options right now. So it's $300 for six months? Yeah. If it works. The question is, maybe the balding is slow and it's enough that I don't have to care. Then there's the pill or there's hair plugs.

I had a friend recently went to Turkey, hair plugs, and apparently it works great. Really? So why is it that bad? No, I'm not. I was just trying to look because here's the thing. I think it's a brilliant business model because there's no way of you to know really whether it's working or not working unless it like falls out right now. Do you know what I mean?

Like then you'll be like, this is not worth it. But I think if you just stay the same for the next six months, you'll probably keep buying it, right? Yeah. Oh, I'll give them all my money. You should take pictures. You should take some pictures before. You gotta do the transition.

You know? Because then, like, in six months, you want to have proof of some way. That's what the TikTok kids want to talk about balding in your 30s. Yeah. That'll go great with the TikTok kids. They'll love it. They'll love it. But I want to, I've just been looking at the mirror and I'm like, would it be okay if it

balded at all? You told me it'd be ugly on that episode it's on record did I say that? I don't think it'll be ugly you could get a wig no I think I'd get used to it you could you know

I think actually when you're slightly a little older it'll look good bald okay good there's something in my mind like a relief from the horrors of getting older where I'm, it'll look good bald. Okay. No, there's something in my mind, like a relief from the horrors of getting older where I'm like, I'll be funnier. Yeah. Like there's something about standup comedy where I'm like,

when I think of my favorite standups, most of them are, something's a little wrong. Yeah. So that's, that's the only reprieve. Totally. Well,

thanks for, I wanted to have people here while I opened it. Yeah, that was special. That was really special. So we have these three bottles. Please, him, sponsor us so I can afford this. Yeah. So you...

Let's talk about that Guinness World Record. Yes. Because who was it before when it was just largest period? Have you seen the male with the largest mouth? No. What's his name? It's four words, right? So just so we can say it for everyone,

because I don't know if we said it out loud. Isaac? Oh, I heard one where it was like a long name that sounded like it had Dikembe in it. What? Why don't you give me a look? I was just going to say, I don't know if we've officially said

what her Guinness record is in. Oh, sure. Yeah, so I'm just saying we say, I don't know if we've officially said what her Guinness record is in. Oh, sure. Yeah. So I'm just saying like we should, you know, let people know. Yes. What is your Guinness? Well, by the way, too, it used to be also before I stepped in, it was largest gape in the world. Oh, my God.

Which is kind of great. They called it gape. Yeah. Just gape. Largest gape in the world. That is. Why would they do that? That is vulgar.

Are there other gapes that could have competed? Well, there was other mouths. So, like, they were saying, well, animals have larger mouths. So, there was, like, the blue. Competing with animals? Yes. What the fuck? No, this is humans.

I mean, there's got to be, like, a blue whale that has a bigger mouth than you. Well, that's what it was. It was, like, well, the blue whale has a bigger mouth. Sure. It's like, well, we're competing, with whales yeah what is this so anyways they ended up it was this guy and there are i mean if you're a guinness book world record watcher you know avid reader which i used to be we just get it every year for christmas it was a good it was a good book great book and there's always a male and female category you know yeah because also if you just

look up like average size of your mouth males have naturally larger mouths than women okay like i think like average male is like two inches uh-huh i guess i that way yeah and then females is like 1.7 or something you know So there is an average differential. Males just have. So I was like, well, you know. And so technically, it is like, you know, it's largest gape, right? And then they change it.

They're like, all right, well, if we're going to have a male and female, we shouldn't say largest mouth gape. So technically, I have the largest mouth gape. No, there's no woman who wants to be known as the largest gape in America. Well, of course I do. Of mouth gape. There's no woman who wants to be known as the largest gape in America. Gape. Well, of course I do.

Of course. Gold. Of course. It kind of is, you know, obviously just like naturally funny. I kind of like it that way. And it's, you know, as a joke, they have to send in measurements, obviously, to Guinness. So I went and had like my OBGYN like do my gape measurements like as a joke. And that would be funny.

And they were like, no, this does not count. No. Wait. And I was like, isn't that funny? And they were like, no. So did you submit it on your own accord? You just mailed them? Did you take pictures while you measured?

By the way, it's the amount of things that I needed. I mean, it's like a two-page document. I had to get videos, pictures. It needed to be by a physician, and two page document I had to get videos pictures like it needed to be by a physician and it was like I had to prove I had to get their diploma to prove that they like actually had a degree like this is like a real physician I had to get a doctor's note to prove that I've had no like alter like I've had no surgical or like alterations prove I had to get a blood test to prove like I'm not on like certain medications that would stretch my mouth.

That's like what Russia would do. They'd be like, we got to get this back. I don't know what medication. So you're the first woman? So I'm the first woman, but they've never had a woman submit for it that's come anywhere close. And technically, wide, because I had the argument. If we're talking about mouth, so wide wide it's 14 and a half centimeters wide my mouth is and his the males is like 11 centimeters so i have wider this way right so which matters it's just they only care

about vertical yeah so really it was really it was just top to bottom. Wow. Which if you've seen his, it is crazy looking. Isaac Johnson is the male currently. And there might have been another one previously. Yeah, he wasn't available today, but we tried. Well, it should be. Shouldn't it be circumference?

Well, that's what I said. Yeah. Which I feel like I'd have them be, right? Wow. So how long were you feeling like in yourself, like I should look into this or I should do this or pursue this? Really to pursue, you had to do a lot of work, fill out paperwork and go to a thing. Like what came first? Were you doing content about your big mouth?

Okay. Okay. Okay. That makes sense. So like, I joke, like it was the children of Tik TOK that really like accepted me and like egged me on. Like, you know, of course this, you know, it's like once you find your niche and I was, and I always knew I had a big mouth and I was like, all right, what am I going to do?

There's millions of comedians. There's millions of creators, like, you know, and singers. It's like, what am I going to do? That's different. I'm like, well, I have a really big mouth. And the first video I did, which was like, I was just like making crazy in singers it's like what am i gonna do that's different i'm like well i have a really big mouth and the first video i did which was like i was just like like making crazy faces and it like you know yeah and i was like oh no is it anything is it medically anything or is it just do you does your parents have a big mouth i was gonna ask that too they don't like it is it's

it's like a freak of nature you know and of, I've asked dentists. I went to a genetic counselor. I was like, can you look at my DNA? Did something get fucked up along the way? Like a gene take a left turn? Sure. You must be a dentist's dream because they can get in there. Well, of course. And I joke.

I have dentist daddies. I have dentists who from all over. I will fly you out here to look at your mouth like you know i never need dental free dental yeah free dental baby wow that's a good medical system um so so okay so you you so let's you were born in sanford i'm born in maine originally born in maine yep and when did you move to connecticut Like six years ago for a corporate job. Oh, are you still doing that corporate job? I quit my corporate job a month ago.

Wow. Congratulations. Making that mouth money. I know it's like my moneymaker. You know, it's funny. I got like a little cut. I was doing a video yesterday where I was fitting an entire Reese's peanut butter cup in my mouth.

I saw it. I saw it. I saw it. Like a special kind of Reese's. Oh, yeah. I assumed. Like the big. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I got a little cut

and I was like, I gotta get mouth insurance. You should. Oh, my God. You know, like anytime something happens, I'm like, one wrong move

and I'm screwed. Have you hurt yourself? Any other injuries? Well, so. Could you stuff? I mean, like, you have a big mouth, but then you really go the mile.

I say I'm a certified mouth professional you know because i just do i also you know a lot of people worry about choking like i i am very safe you put an apple in your mouth and i that's i have i have like weird i always have like like an like a peach i always have like a dark fantasy that that's how i'll die an avocado whenever i see an avocado, I don't know why I'd have it in my mouth. I was going to say, that would go in my mouth. You're worried about the pit going down your throat? Yeah. Of an avocado. How are you eating avocados? I don't know.

I don't know. Have you ever bitten into an avocado? No. But maybe a peach? Peach, okay. Yeah, I've seen how you eat fruit. That's weird. Fucking disgusting. But yes, I have.

So when they first were doing the measurements for Guinness, and they were like, all right, you got to use, because you had to use a special device too. Yeah. You have to use a special caliper. There was a special brand down to the.00 tenths of a centimeter. And I bought one industrial construction size. And I didn't realize how sharp it was.

Oh, God. And it had razors at the end of it. So it was almost like a Joker type scenario. I go to put it in my mouth and then... Can you imagine when the joker says you want to know how i got these scars i was competing for gannis world record biggest and batman's like what the fuck oh no right so i like and i like it was joker like blood it was and i was like oh my god you know it's like the first reaction just

i was like holy shit and that's when you were doing it on your own just to see if you should go through the next level i should go through with this you know and then i'm like oh that's sharp shouldn't do that again you know it's like that's why you need a professional but and then i found one that wasn't as sharp and obviously ended up getting it and had a professional do it the next time because yeah yeah but that you know and of course too like really hot foods like i there was this hot dog okay dogs have you guys been there and there's and they do they do like fried hot dogs with cheese on the outside so it's like hot dog and then cheese and they fry it and of course i'm like okay i'm gonna do this whole thing in one bite but it was like fresh out of the fryer and And it was cheese in the middle. So I go to bite into it and it was just like molten cheese.

I was like, ah! It was just like. Yeah, you got to be careful. Burnt the entire roof of my mouth. Because you're going to, in her video, she has like going to sandwich shops all over the place, like massive sandwiches. Yeah. And I'm always like, they're never healthy. No one's ever like, put this whole broccoli tree in your mouth.

It's always like, put this fudge-covered fried hot dog thing. That's a lot of- Well, it's viral. You know, like, that's the kind of stuff, like, you know, like, I did, like, a huge pizzeria where it was a huge pizza turned into a burrito. And, you know, and it's like, people love that, you know? pizza turned into a burrito that and you know it's like people love that you know are you always like eating them or is it sometimes just like a mouth thing spit out kind of situation if it's a sandwich i always eat it okay yeah yeah but if it's like like you know what i do three donuts

in one bite you know in one you know and i can't you know it's like i could but you're having to do it probably pretty frequently so that would be a lot of Yeah you know I mean and that's the other thing too like I was just yesterday they're like can you there's this mini pie

and they're like can you fit this whole pie in your mouth and I was like fuck it. The request people I went through a phase when I was a kid

I used to eat a lot of ravioli and I used to like think it was impressive that I could swallow there was a time where I said to my dad I said to my dad watch I could lot of ravioli, and I used to think it was impressive that I could swallow. There was a time where I said to my dad, I said to my dad, Dad, watch, I could swallow six raviolis without chewing. And I'm looking back, I'm like, so I didn't enjoy the food? I just ingested this shitty pasta?

Why did he say? He let you do that for him? My dad was like, try seven. Come on, seven. That's when I'll be proud of you. It's never good enough. Now, you talk about being bullied as a kid. How rough are we talking here?

Well, I mean, it's like everyone to some degree was made fun of and bullied for some reason. But I talk about, I was a weird kid anyways. Sure, you're a theater kid. Right. I played trombone. I played ice hockey. You're born a theater kid, but the trombone I played ice hockey You're born a theater kid But the trombone

That's a choice It was like one of those Where there was like No other instruments You know left And it was like I can still play the trombone But

I was a saxophone Did you do any instruments Saxophone You did sax Yeah How long Seven eight years Are you

Can you still like jam Oh yeah Are you serious Really I don't know No I I don't think I'd be very good now but i still remember the notes what could you play what's like the first song i could play i mean

i could play like you know any of the simple like nursery rhyme kind of things probably what how's your trombone um that's the moving that's a fun one that's cool it is it's yeah i was gonna say you you more of like the base of the you know of the group so it wasn't really like i mean i probably could but i played piano and like you know of course growing base of the, you know, of the group. So it wasn't really like, I mean, I probably could, but I played piano and like, you know, of course growing up as a singer, sure.

You know, I did play, but that wasn't really like, you know, part of the band in school. So, yeah. Um,

but so I got the trombone, but it, you know, it was just, yeah, it was always, I mean, yeah,

if you grew up, big bass, big bass mouth, you know, like I, you know, of course I have a lot of jokes about that about you know like remember that thing used to hang on oh yeah it's like oh that was like a

version of like something going viral where like everyone had like that was a gift to get everybody right i don't remember where it started sopranos oh is that what it was in the soprano oh it did and it's like take me to the river yeah it's a it's like something that like 50 year old men were like this is really funny yeah this is my sense of humor now it's like

remember he keeps seeing it and he's like thinking about when he killed big pussy that's what that whole thing is about right yeah yeah

so big mouth bass Kermit you know pretty much like anything pitbull like I get told I look like a pitbull a lot what I kind of do

you have a pitbull I don't see that you do? I do have a pitbull like i get told i look like a pitbull a lot what i kind of do you have a pitbull i don't see that uh i do have a pitbull um that's so you named with your pitbull's name samantha yeah yeah yeah that is the name of my of my um um i had a question about the teasing um the did you feel like you tried to hide the mouth? Yes. Or were you embracing it at all at that point? No, never. Never.

So you were like school pictures? School pictures. Yeah, literally. And I never wore lipstick. Oh, yeah. Okay. So that's, you know, obviously it's become part of like my thing, you know, now. Because it also just looks insane because my mouth is so big that it just like looks crazy.

But it's like, I never wore lipstick. I put concealer over my lips. Cause too, like, you know, I don't, you're in your,

how old are you? He's balding in his thirties. Fuck you. I'm 33. I'm 33. Um, you know, it was like,

I thought 32. 32. Yeah. 32 a couple weeks ago. Um, but it was like you're 31 32 yeah 32 a couple weeks ago um but it was like you know big lips weren't cool like when we were growing you know like i feel like now big lips and like you know big curvy but it was like when we was growing up like i feel like it was everything used to be small that's my mirror we we talk our friend chris has like a mirror like he has a like he should be a world record for like weirdest fucking mirror face he goes

he goes it happens like that yeah and it's like subconscious but mine mine was a making my lips like a little bit tighter

yeah I think it's gone now but yes I hear what you're saying it was just like everything needs to be small so it was just concealer on my lips you know so you couldn't tell.

It blended in. It was a whole. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I was definitely not showing off at all because people were like, you know, it was weird. People would be like, that's weird. Yeah. Like, that's not normal. And it would be like your mouth, you know, you look like a frog.

When you were kissing someone, would you ever like put their whole chin in your mouth? Yeah, sometimes. Yeah, like a jokey thing? Yeah. Sure, sure. People ask that all the time, do it. You know, I've done jokes. Of course, it's just easy like to respond to comments.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. People are like, you know, and then of course I'll just like, yeah, put my entire boyfriend's like face. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like you can't beat him. your boyfriend in the arts no because he's he's playing along the tiktok he's doing it it's taking a while oh yes yes he's really i i would describe him like uh uh a teller to your pen i mean you're not like pen but he's like teller where he's like doesn't really say anything yeah but it looks lot of looks to the camera. Yes. But really,

really doesn't. I mean, he's in a lot. He's participating. People love, you know, because they love, yeah,

James. And if you've seen like, you know, especially recently, you know, we started doing the couples challenges. Yeah. Yeah.

And of course those just, people love that physical stuff and it always does well. Tova and I did one, we did, it was like a cardi b dance thing we tried some move they did the vmas and people are big fan it's and it's like you know we have so much fun doing it too like you know that stuff too i love physical humor like i grew

up watching physical comedy like i was inspired by jim carrey and some of these like yeah you know of course and you see some uh crazy faces he had a big mouth, Jim Carrey. He does, yeah. I bet he used to compete in the world record. He's another gaper. But, so I love that stuff anyways, you know, and it's,

so it's fun being able to do it and it is, it's just silly and it's like the least, I feel like, you know, on TikTok, it's like the least offensive

type of comedy. Do you have a lot of people reaching out to you with different physical abnormalities oh um some i do but any that are like what do you say i just feel like it's the kind of thing that like you could end up getting some someone's like oh like something's scary i have an arm growing out where my nose should be. Right. Should I make videos too? And you're like, ah, maybe not.

Maybe. Which isn't necessarily scary. I don't want to. A whole arm? A whole arm out of the middle of the face? I don't think we have to worry about that. Sure. Well, you know, it's funny.

I was thinking, you know, and I have started recently doing a podcast where I do, I'm like trying to find other like weird people. Yeah. Oh, good. People who are considered weird or have like weird jobs or whatever it is. And I, you know, it's like, I have been trying to find someone who also, you know, cause

people like that too. It's like, oh, I wish I had something I could use. I'm like, do you, do you though? But you know, it's like, you know, and someone who's open to talking about it. Cause a lot of times too, it's, you know, I found some people like they've come, it's happened like in an accident or something, you know, where something's really, like they have some, like a deform, you know, or an extra, you know, it's just, and it's weird. Like I feel sometimes I'm like, Hey, Hey you, you have something you've been, you know, know an arm like there's one girl who like

her eyes can pop out of her head and it's like you know and it's like you know it's like do i message her i'm like hey hey girl hey i'm looking for some freaks um i saw a story the other day about the man with the biggest penis and he lives in new york and he uh he he was like i'm sick there's a headline i did not read the story the headline was this is the gist he's like it was like man's uh world's biggest penis man lives in new york city it was like is sick of people asking to see his penis yes and you're like i mean you started this you mean like maybe stop calling yourself world's biggest penis man he definitely sought out to get the record um but it is something where you're like your mouth is

out yeah you know uh so you're like there's just the thing where like you know the man with the biggest penis like that's like yeah i could see how people would be like well let's see it right right how big we're talking um anyways he's tired of that of the thing of the did it say how how long i didn't read i think that kind of stuff it's always like their stories like they you know they get erect and they pass out because there's so much blood loss i've not heard that oh yeah i remember i remember as a kid there'd be like someone had a 14 inch penis but he can't he can't have sex because he passes out every time the The picture of the man's head, because it was like a head shot. You know what I mean?

Of the dick? No. It was like his face in the article headline. What's his name? I don't know. Just search world's biggest penis. Russell. Russell.

That sounds. It said he lived in New York City. Would you have him on the podcast? I think that's a great it might have been the new york post but maybe i'm wrong well let me ask so because you know you uh we had a uh uh what's a fuck what's his name oh shit i shouldn't have said it if i wasn't ready to say his name for what uh uh jonathan lions who's the rat. He dresses up like a rat. Buddy the rat.

Buddy the rat. There's just like, with the pandemic, there is a certain group of TikTok folks who like really sprung into fame for like a specific thing. And you've been on Ellen. Yep.

Which I do want to talk about. Yes. Did she do something to you? No, no. It was like, I wish, you know, it was. Uh, did she do something to you? No, no, it was, it was like, I wish,

you know, it was one of those things where it was, you know, I never got to really officially ever meet her or like, you know, do anything. I mean, I pretty much just went on there, shoved some donuts in my mouth and yeah,

but yes, that was crazy. What? This is pre, uh, any kind of like trouble. Oh no, no, no. After she kind of like trouble. Oh, no, no, no. After.

Yeah. Still on TV. Oh, OK. Yeah. I think this is her last season. I think. Yeah. Just like this is recent.

OK. Yeah. This was in like early summer. I couldn't remember when she got in trouble. Like when that. Yeah. When that happened. Yeah.

It was definitely during the pandemic. Yeah. She was also when she was in quarantine. She was the one who was like, it's like being in a prison in her happened. Yeah, it was definitely during the pandemic. Yeah. She was also, when she was in quarantine, she was the one who was like, it's like being in a prison in her mansion. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She described it as being in prison. Right.

Do you think about like where, how to expand it? How to, where to go? Yeah. Do you worry? Do you ever go, fuck how i can't go past four donuts at the same time how do i mix it up well you know that's the thing is you know like i've struggled with even like you know i was saying in the beginning it's like people are like

you know big mouth girl you know now that i have like my show my live shows people are like are you gonna just like shove things in your mouth like for an hour how much would you pay for big mouth the show to go away so you could have oh my god i'm just like whenever they want like a live you know they want to make a live version of big mouth i like i have to be it of course yeah um or like broadway good luck with the casting director i have to be in i have to be look at this i am the big i will swallow you if you should i will literally um yeah but that's you know that or you know of course too i'm like okay i'm you know doing you know and i've had been trying to work on some stuff with like doing some sort of show where you know of course i do the sandwiches thing where i go around every saturday because this all started you know again it, it's just like taking TikTok things that do well.

And I'm like, all right, well, they like this. And one of the first videos I did was I did an entire Subway sandwich in one bite. And that got like 40 million views. Which six inch? Yeah. Six inch. That's still that's still impressive. Yeah.

But like, you know, putting the entire. Yeah. That went crazy. And everyone kept, you know, commenting. You got to do this sandwich. You know, you got to try this. Try this one. Try this one try this one so it started like okay i'll do a weekly thing well i'll go around and find the biggest sandwiches or i'll go and do all your guys's recommendations yeah and then it just like grew and now i've done like the biggest taco and the

biggest you know going around and they give it to you for free right most do some do you know it is awkward like you know i show up and like sometimes it's like unannounced and, you know, so I'm in a random place. I'm like, all right, we got to, you know, because I still try and do it every Saturday. Yeah. And like, even like last weekend, like it was totally unannounced. I just went in. I'm like, you know, I take my mask down.

I'm like, yeah, I'd like to get, you know, like what's the biggest sandwich you have? Without even saying it, they're going to be like, damn, your mouth is big. Free sandwich for you. Yeah. Well, no, they're like, yeah, you know, they're gonna be like damn your mouth is big free sandwich for you let's see yeah you know they're like 13 and i'm like i'm gonna maybe you know like do you do you recognize you know it's just so weird when you're like i'm like i'm gonna do you have a son or daughter who has tiktok yeah yeah is there a good area for lighting in here where's the best lighting yeah you know i'm gonna do some but um but yeah some most of them do if they know who I am

I'm trying to like pivot because I hear about people who get free shit obviously from followings and I wrote a very because we drink a lot of LaCroix and I saw someone on TikTok got a shipment of you know 100 boxes of LaCroix so I very

if I go to LaCroix I wrote them a very sad message saying hey big fan of your drink oh my god I have a couple followers can we get can we get the hundred bucks of LaCroix for free deal to no response to no response oh my god I wonder where you how many people do you have on your on the TikTok uh TikTok uh oh it's gonna be Don't laugh. 270,000 followers? That's great. That's great. What are you, 2 million now?

Almost at 2.7. Jesus. Wow. Yeah. Oh, my God. You got to start shoving something in your hole. It's like 10,000 preschools. That's amazing.

Yeah, you probably got, on TikTok, I imagine you have to be like at the million thing to get the La Croix. La like the LaCroix. LaCroix. LaCroix. Is it LaCroix or LaCroix? I think it's LaCroix. I think it is LaCroix too. Yeah.

I don't know what I'm saying. I'm just saying I think you need to have more followers before you get the free. Think about something you're good at. Now think about how you got there. Chances are you had someone to help you get started. If you're thinking about starting to invest, Questrade's award-winning support team is here to help you learn how to become a better investor. From placing your first trade to setting up customized stock alerts, we're always by your side. Just a few of the reasons why we are Canada's number

one rated online broker by MoneySense. Get started today at Questrade.com. Midnight snacks? Skip. My neighbor's nightly saxophone practices? Uh, nope. You're on your own there. Could have skipped it. Should have skipped it. Skip to the good part and get groceries, meals, and more delivered right to your door on Skip. Um, so, so, so before this, Fame, did you go to school, did you go to college for theater? No. So, very long story short i mean

i grew up wanting to be on broadway wanting to do you know the whole performing being an entertainer and you know i mean i'm sure you have the same thing where it was like my parents were like no i feel like that's hilarious they so my parents, like, they more didn't care. They more were like, he's self-sufficient. Yeah. But yours were to no. Mine were like, we won't support you if you. Like, I wanted to move to New York City. Like, my goal was to move to New York City and, like, be on stage in New York City.

Really? Why do you think they were so no? Maybe I sucked. No, I think they were just like it's unrealistic you know and it was i mean this is like you know this could go way deep into my trauma but it's like let's go this is the downside but it's like you know i i think too i came from like a broken home where it's like my mom's been married four times now and four times yes wow okay are you of her first marriage i'm of her third oh wow does she have kids from the first yes so you have i have like i have five different half steps why say i have four

half siblings so two total um you so how many do you have what do you have so i have a stepsister, two stepbrothers, a half-brother, and a regular brother. Wow. Got it. Got it. Are you friendly with all of them? Yeah. Yeah, I am. I mean, I'm really close, obviously, with the regular brother.

I don't know, like the blood brother. The full brother. Yeah, the full brother. But, you know, so my mom had a couple tough marriages so it was very much i think a lot of women who are my age like the millennial woman as much as we get shit for it it was like our moms were the ones who were like don't make the same mistake i did sure go to college never ever rely on a man for anything you're like the only way you'll ever be successful is to make a shit ton of money and be a ceo and like you know because my mom never went to college she never got an education so when she had all

these different men that were abusing her and doing drugs and you know going through all her shit it was she had nothing to fall back on so it's like time and time again my you know it's like i just remember my mom being like you go to school you get a really good job and you make a shit ton of money and you never rely on anyone and you never you be an independent woman like i have literally a tattoo that's like fly on your own wings because it's like been banged into my head is that what she would say yeah she'd be like yeah like you you are only have you make your own money like that's why too like you know i'm my poor james we've been together seven years but i like will not get married yeah that's like you know that's fantastic i think more people should do that yeah well you know and it's it's funny too like i just saw this

earlier today too millennial women now 44 of millennial women aren't having babies so like from ages you know whatever it's like 27 to 40 or, you know, I think, I forget what the ages are now. Like almost, yeah, 45% are not having kids anymore. Do you not want kids? I don't know if I do either, which is like, because it's just, you know, it's again, like I was literally just saying all the way over here.

It's been like so like into our head. It's like, be successful, make all this money, like never rely on anyone. Like, look at us. We're like, you know, I had nothing. like into our head it's like be successful make all this money like never lie on anyone like look at us we're like you know i had nothing and you know it's like that was banged in so it's like oh like well it's like also it makes perfect sense for so many reasons where you're like it the the life that even our parents when when they were in the situation where they were buying houses or or getting educations or having kids,

it's so different now that it's like financially people are like, I'm not having kids. Like I'm, I'm not like that. There's no way I could afford to have kids that seem like, like good with it. I'm like, there's money somewhere.

Someone's family has some significant money somewhere. Cause there's just certain things that are, I mean, it's really hard. It's really hard to imagine if you want to keep living in New York City. And I want to live here so there's a thing where you're like it's just not a feasible

thing like it used to be for a lot of people and I think there's a lot of reasons beyond financial you're just looking at the world and the state right now it doesn't inspire like a yeah let's bring more people to this party. And I'm going to have kids like, I'm not living this close to the ocean.

I'm living in the middle of land. There's not an atmosphere of like, yeah, let's expand this. Right. Like the world's burning to a crisp. It's more like, let's just be a little bit quieter and calmer and less, you know? Yeah. Anyways. Your parents, how old were you when they got divorced?

So I was 13. 13. Yeah. Now, do you think, because my parents got divorced before I was conscious of things. Yeah. I've always wondered if that's the worst, puberty. Yeah, because you know what it is too,

is I felt like, you know, divorce was like just starting to pop off like around our age too. You know, like it was just starting to become a bigger thing where, you know what it is too is I felt like divorce was just starting to pop off around our age too. It was just starting to become a bigger thing. I was one of the first of my friends where my mom had been divorced before, and then she was getting divorced again, and there were rumors, and my dad was being unfaithful, so there was just a lot of drama around it. And you knew this at 13?

And I knew it. How did you know? My mom would sleep in bed and cry herself to sleep at night when my dad was gone. And you, but when did you put it together? Like did your mom say something? How'd you figure it out? I guess I've just never seen like a happy

healthy relationship. No, I know. You know, like it's like I don't know when they were happy. I don't remember them ever being happy. So I guess I just only know like miserable my dad cheated my dad cheated on everyone but i didn't really find out until i was like 18 like i didn't like looking back i'm like oh that's why they broke up oh that's why she left suddenly yeah and i didn't put it together maybe i was detached but but like but i certainly knew i had a friend

i had a friend who like they found out their dad cheated and man it fucking rocked her world it yeah or or recently i i can't say who who but it was someone in high school like it's one of those situations where the the at least the mother in this case like was not hiding it like she at least the mother in this case, was not hiding it. She threw a framed picture through a window and everyone knew and it was chaos. Yeah. Well, I think because I was at that age

where I kind of was smart enough to figure out what was going on and there were some rumors going around. The house? School? At school. Oh, no. Who was he?

Was he another mom? Yeah, one of the at school. Oh, no. Who was he? Was he fucking another mom? Yeah, one of the other moms. Oh, no. That's so bad. Rumors around school, that's so bad. Yeah, on top of the big mouth. Like, can you imagine? Did you hear from, like, the person's daughter or something?

Yeah, like, I heard rumors from my friends. They're like, I was hearing so-and-so. Was that mom single, or was she in a marriage too? She was just recently separated, but like the rumors were like they had been before she was separated. It was a whole, yeah. How big was your town? Like that's, or your graduating class?

So, well, that's the other thing too. Like I'm from like a pretty small town. You know, it's like, I mean, it's big for me. It's like a very risky thing in a small town to do that sort of thing with someone from the small town. That's wild. Yeah. I mean, it's bigger, but it's not. Yeah.

I mean, I don't even know. I mean, like 10,000 people, you know, something like that. 20,000 maybe. Do you still talk to your dad? I do. Well, you know, lots of therapy. Sure. Lots of therapy later.

Because I had to separate. He still was a good father. He was a horrible husband Would never recommend anyone ever dating him Yeah sure But It's like he was a good father At the end of the day you know he support

To some degree you know whatever And this is how I feel about my Father too where It really does feel like monogamy At least there's some options now Or at least people explore different things But like there's some men My father, too, where it really does feel like monogamy. At least there's some options now, or at least people explore different things. But, like, there's some men, I'm sure it was some women, too. The cheating happens so much, you're like, don't try the monogamy thing. This clearly is not how you're built.

Right. Exactly. And he hasn't been married since, and it's kind of. Oh, interesting. Yeah. Yeah. Is that by choice? Or is that by choice? Exactly And he hasn't been married since And it's kind of Oh interesting Yeah Yeah Is that by choice Or is that by choice

Or is he just alone I don't know Please marry me No not today That's another You know again Some you know Comedic pieces

Where it's I mean he's dated I mean I probably met Like honestly Swear to God Not even over exaggerating I probably met Over 2,000 different women

He's dated Oh my god And like you know no you must be exaggerating no that's an insane number that you just said no no i swear to god that means how many women a year 13 since i was 13 that's still that's an incredible yes i mean what is that so like 20 years 20 20 years that's a hundred women a year yes that honestly you see your dad a hundred times a year take you on every first date yes that's part of but i swear to god i have this whole joke on father's day like every holiday there was a different woman uh-huh so like it would be like my 21st birthday and i always say my dad had this thing he'd be like the more the merrier though right and i'd be like what he'd be like i have a friend that i'm gonna bring oh and i would be like the first date wing woman like

i was first date in my 18th birthday first date every father's day first date every birthday like every holiday how many women are in this small town i mean well that's the thing he's cycling back he's like yeah i know her that's 10 years ago. He has. He goes around. Every dating app. And he, like, it'll be funny. He comes to New York City and visits me. And he resets all his dating apps in New York City. Oh.

You see him do this in front of you? Yes. He's at the table. I'm like, we're like having a nice dinner. And he's like on Bumble, like swiping. Just swiping. Like, right, right, right, right, right, right, right. Maybe he's going for his own world record.

Oh, my God. Can you imagine? Well, there's been, again, like. Who he's been in the most world record. Oh, my God. Can you imagine? Well, there's been, again, like my dad. Who he's been in the most mouths in New York City. Like, he probably does. I swear to God. I love him great. And he's amazing.

How old is he now? He's 65. That libido's still. My God. He has lots of drugs. My dad's 67. Oh, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sure, sure. That was a mistake of mine once. He has lots of drugs. My dad's 67. Oh, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure, sure. That was a mistake of mine once. It was like playing out. I'm like, how many prescriptions for like, you know, and like the gas station, like the snake or, you know, it's like the giant. Oh, my God. Oh, no.

That's so. Now, did you like any of the women that he did like my my dad when he got a new girlfriend and i think my dad would do this he would buy a bunch of presents for her to give me and so every woman would like come with like a dog with like treats like and i was the dog of just like a look this woman brought you things. Right. Positive associations with this new woman. And I feel like some of them I just didn't know long enough. Like, I would be on a blind date with him. Like, blind dates.

And I have this whole joke about, too. Like, this is like a true story. It was Father's Day of my 16th year. Like, I was in high school, 16. And I wanted to take him on a Father's Day boat trip. We had a, growing up in Miami, we had a boat. And he was like, the more the merrier, right? And I'd be like, shit. Is this his phrase?

That's his phrase. Every day the more the merrier? I'd say no. It's my 16th birthday party on a boat. No. And a woman showed up and she, you know, of course he showed up first and he just like sent me a text and was like, SOS.

And I was like, what? And he was like, she's a whale. and he was like she's a whale and she was like catfished him like it was like this 350 pound because they were by the water i guess that makes a little more sense but this but like for my father's day on 16 it's like me my dad and like this fat woman what did he want you to do entertain her because then of course he's like wait this woman okay so this woman lied to your father sent wrong pictures showed up under the premise of i'm going to a 16 year old girl's birthday party on a boat didn't think that that would be and then you were you were somehow forced on your 16th birthday to entertain this woman. Yeah.

Because my dad's driving. He's like, you got, you know, like. Did she get on the boat with you? Yes. We went on a boat ride. And he broke up with her. We anchored the boat in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. And she goes.

And he's like, go home. Put a rope next to her and threw her over. Oh, sorry. I can make those jokes, Lister, because I'm fat. But listen, the... They can hear it in your voice. Wait, so... I like this.

It's like a different version of Moby Dick. It's a different version of Moby Dick where he needs to get rid of the whale. SOS. Oh, God. That's brutal. Literally. Okay. It's okay.

We can joke because she did lie. But wait. My question is. She did lie. We can body shame all we want. That is the rules. That is the rules of body shaming. Wait.

Time out. So you guys anchored the boat. Yeah. And then what happened? Well, she slapped his ass. And then he was like, I need to talk to you. Oh, so she's a sexual assaulter too. But she thought this was a date.

Like they've been talking on the phone. So, you know, there's a little bit of a connection. And he was just like, oh. So you're at the dock. He's like, I need to talk to you. No, we're in the middle of the ocean. Okay. That's not the place you go to break up with someone

that's like where you go in the godfather 2 you kill your traitorous brother and leave him there not to someone you need to go back to land with did you call the coast guard and be like quick come here I'm gonna pick up this fat woman take her off this boat right now wait what happened I think he was just like i think he was

just like you know she was trying to get handsy with him and this boat is just the three of you you don't have any friends yes and the boat is probably half like the size of this room and he's just like can i talk to you and i'm like yes and i just like turn around and just stare at the ocean and behind me you know he's like i don't think this is gonna work like i think we need to see you know other people and we're just in the middle of the ocean. Wait. How long was he talking to this woman beforehand? I don't know, a couple weeks?

It's such a wild first date and first 60th birthday party for you. Yes. That is nuts. Yes, you're telling me. And how'd she take it? She started crying. Oh, brutal. I was she started crying oh let's go back you know so she tears streaming she's sitting next to me and it's like you know i'm like this is bad this is my 16th birthday you fucking liar what the hell oh my god wow that is a really funny awful story yeah so right so i never saw i do have her bracelet though because at the end do you use it as a belt

oh come on i don't know well i could you know because it was one of those awkward things where we were sitting on the boat Oh, come on. I don't know. Well, you know, because it was one of those awkward things where we were sitting on the boat. One of those awkward things? It does sound like the most awkward thing in the history of the Guinness World Record of the most awkward thing in the entire world. Everyone fails you on that day. Everyone fails you. Your dad, that woman. There's no that is i mean

for you to agree to just go on a 16th birthday party with on just a boat with your dad is i would be like this isn't a great present but then to bring a first date oh every holiday though that was just normal you know like that's just that was just my upbringing so hence why i have commitment issues and of course yeah has your dad analyzed this at all like no no i mean i think he knows is there any apology at any point for any no no you ever you ever get a good yelling at him say hey dad this is crazy you ever have a good fight with your dad because it still happens like to this day sure like chris like for thanksgiving random woman i was like i can't even remember her sally

susan cindy something yeah but like it's like every hall it just it's the same you know so it's like what's the you know are you able to enjoy it now like just like this is crazy like kind of fuck with them yeah yeah yeah should i call you mom or mommy oh you know yeah yeah and you know just kind of fuck and like now it's like whatever but it's yeah that that was that's that was my my dad growing up you know so it's like it's a lot that that blows my i mean i thought my dad was bad oh yeah no that is i mean that's crazy yeah like crazy and i really do i mean i still like it's funny you know you know i felt bad yeah for a lot of these women who were like you know it was like hard to watch yeah sometimes because it's like

get out you know it was like you know every time we went to first date, I'm like, run. Yeah. But. Wow. I like that story because it's like, oh, human beings are insane. I mean, that's like, that's just like the fact that there are multiple people agreeing to those circumstances. Sure. It's very funny.

Are they usually his age-ish or is he like a younger person too? Younger. Like my dad, my dad my dad his girlfriend sometimes is is someone who's my age my like a month younger than me well what was really fun is his like 80th last girlfriend a year ago was a pansexual and she was 40 a 40 year old pansexual she was 40 a 40 year old pansexual and my dad is like very conservative oh okay but he probably just didn't he's conservative yeah i don't i don't understand how he squares that in his head exactly like so it was a very interesting dynamic to watch because she obviously was complete you know very liberal and he never like date you know but her last

she had a kid with a woman yeah and him like having to accept that there was like a woman it was like you know he's like it was she's like i'm a traditional i only introduced my daughter to one woman at a time no more than one woman a day i would never do it sos pansexual and you know and he would like make fun of it you know he would like me i'm like you you know he would kind of make fun of her a little bit sometimes it was just it was weird but it was also very entertaining you know it's like great you know great material talk about oh yeah yeah i have all my dad dated my kindergarten teacher. That was my big thing. And then my mom got her fired. Oh, yeah.

Oh, my God. Was she not allowed to date your dad? You know, I think it was just, I don't know. I'll have to ask my mom one day to really give me the scoop. Because usually a lot of these stories, in head it's like it used to be my mom was like being an asshole and then i get the details later and i'm like whoa yeah my dad's the problem yeah right yeah i just remember they started dating maybe i was in first grade when it happened but like i really liked her as a teacher we still stay in touch like you know

like we know each other she found other work i think so yeah yeah but but you know, like she, we know each other. She found another work. I think so. Yeah. Yeah. But, but you know, it's just that thing where like, I probably told some kids, yeah, Mrs. Vance, Ms.

Vance was at my house last night and like, you know, they had a field day with that. Yeah. And then they got her fired. Oh, she was cool. I liked her.

I mean, I liked a lot of these. I think my trauma is these women I grew close with who vanished. I saw my, so I have a i have siblings and i had a one she was my stepmom the marriage that my dad got remarried again the marriage wasn't like by a real priest so it didn't legally count but they had the whole ceremony i think it was like for show for her family because she was pregnant. So I think it was just like to let her more religious family go, okay, they're married, it's okay.

So she was my stepmom for my purposes. But then they broke up. I think it's probably because my dad cheated. Like I remember when my sister was born, suddenly things got weird. She started sleeping in the basement and then just like very, and my dad was like, you know, the baby made her her go crazy and we high-fived and we're like yeah women suck and then you get older like no it sounds like you made her go yeah upset rationally

uh but then it's very distant for a while but years and this is now probably i'd say at 30 and now 33 we're like i can see. And she's very sweet towards me. And I think she, you know, and it's still weird. But I'm able to say hello and give her a hug. And during the pandemic, she sent me food. But it was like, but, you know, I think it was, I think it's just fucking weird. It was weird. I had a woman in my life who I thought was my stepmom and then vanished.

Vanished. Yeah. Vanished. Yeah. Is your mom still in the the fourth marriage she's divorced she's divorced again yeah is she dating is she dating more slowly she so this she just got divorced like a year ago which is like talk about even she's like a divorce pandemic divorce wow yeah really yeah right it was like well i guess i know time like is a blur right now i guess yeah it was like right before the best i guess it's like a year and a half maybe yeah um but yeah and it was another like i had known him her new husband for a while and he like you know again end up being like

doing stuff on the side yeah oh even like it you know it's like it up being, like, doing stuff on the side. Yeah. Oh. Even, like, you know, it's, like, I mean, she's, like, in her 60s too. 63. It's wild when it's, like, people are that age and you're, like, doing stuff on the side. Right. It's, like, you're 60. You're so calmed down.

I know. Just chillax. Do you think your mom is, there's something about men who do this that she's attracted to? Yes. Like clearly there's a. Oh, yeah. Something's happening there. Totally.

Totally. Yeah. She's got drama. We all got drama. This is wild. A lot of drama. Yeah, yeah, yeah. At least you have siblings to like share this with.

Yeah, a lot of them. That is nice. Yeah, it's all this with. Yeah, a lot of them. That is nice. Yeah, it's all fucked up. Yeah, so holidays are fun. So that's why this time of year I start upping my antidepressants a little bit. Sure, sure. It's like this time of year. I'm just even thinking about having to go home for Christmas.

I'm like, I don't even know if I can do it. I'm trying to not, but it's hard. I know. You gotta be a strong of will when that phone call comes. I'm trying to think where like I just book a gig for the day and I'm like, I can't now.

I know. I can't. Yeah. Tough. Anti, what are you on? So I've been on citalopram since I was 13. Really? Like the highest dose possible

without getting bled. Right around the divorce, you got the antidepressants. Yep. Good for you. Yeah. Yeah, I was going through a rough time. Because that's the other thing too, you know, of course like everyone, I feel like it's like mental health. But I really have, you know, like, you know, my nails are fucked.

I, you know, I have all my anxiety issues that I deal with. But that was, yeah, it kind of like had set me off and of course you know my parents wanted to get me into therapy anyways you know around that point but it was like I've always had issues with sleeping like I always I talk about sleeping all the time in this podcast it's oh my god like yeah I just talking about sleeping makes me anxious um but yeah so really and like would, I remember being like 13 and I would go like three,

four days without sleeping. Wow. Yeah. I'd be like, how am I alive? Yeah. You know, I'd be like,

I've been up for like 72 hours. Yeah. Do you take any sleep stuff now? Um, weed and, um, weed helps. Yeah.

A lot of melatonin and CBD. Someone was just telling, talking about melatonin the other day. I take like 20 milligrams of melatonin. Yeah. They said it's very helpful? Yeah. A lot of melatonin and CBD. Someone was just talking about melatonin the other day. I take like 20 milligrams of melatonin. Yeah. They said it's very helpful. Yeah.

Yeah. And I have my little weed pen. I got the medical card. Yeah. So I got my little Indica, take my little puff puff. Nice. Yeah. But it was tough.

I mean, I can't imagine going to bed sober. Sure. Without like melatonin or CBD or anything like raw dog and sleep. Yeah. Raw dog and sleep yeah raw dog and sleep you know like I can never yeah you know

I have to listen to stuff it's a yeah I would kill to be a good sleeper man me too like people who just fall asleep naturally

why this ambient now and like so I have to get up early for a shoot tomorrow and like you know I usually go to bed two or three three is kind of

really my time and tonight I want to go to bed by one. It would be nice. And I'm going to take that Ambien. Yeah. And it's going to feel real good. I used to take some sleeping pills back in the day, but I got, I loved them too much.

Which one? Well, I was more of like, I loved like a Lorazepam, like an Ativan. Like I would take some, I did Ambien for a little bit, bit but it was like it would make me so messed up the next morning. That doesn't seem to happen to me which is what feels nice. I do not ever feel weird after the Ambien. I take it very infrequently. Yeah probably infrequently enough that it doesn't

mess me up. And then Tova takes what's it called Prozac. What's the other sleep no not Prozac. What's the other sleep? Klonopin. Oh. Klonopin. She has night terrors and like she needs those but she seems she's never complained to me about like any side effects

with the Klonopin sometimes you can get a little like that hungover you know like when you just feel like kind of out of it the next morning a little bit sure

like you know we just call it Kalanastone because you know it's almost kind of like Kalanastone yeah she'll hear that that'll be good

she'll start using that as an excuse for fucking whatever she likes. Kalana Stone. All right. Well, let's go on to our next segment. This has got to stop. This has got to stop.

Did you have one today? No. We have another thing. Well, sure. Do you have a this has got to stop? I would like to discuss something with you that I'd love to get your thoughts on. Yes. Have you guys used a bidet before?

Oh, yeah. I have. Well, I haven't installed it, but I have a free whatever bidet someone sent me. It's probably bad, but yes, I've used a bidet. So I am a big advocate for clean buttholes around the world. That's right. When did that? Again, jokes, of course, the Gabe. So I say. That is, how did that, when did that? Well, I just, again, like jokes,

like of course, you know, the Gabe, like, so I say I'm a Gabe specialist, like I'm about Gabe health, you know, mouth,

all the holes, all the games. All the holes, all the games. Can I tell you, holes is one of the, like, is the least sexy,

like the way some people feel about moist or whatever, like holes for me. Holes. Something about like describing it as holes, I'm like, not, that turns, like if it's used in a porn title,

like all the holes are filled. Cause to me, like a hole, a hole is very much just like, you can see, just, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But yes. So I did. Yeah. So it's totally, you know,

it started as just me being like, I'm a gape, you know, gape health for everyone. Yeah. And, and my mom actually, enough i had tried one at my mom my mom had got one installed and of course i did like a whole video of me like trying

the bidet for the first time and it was like i just like it was like i like i felt like i saw jesus for the first time you know what i mean like it was just it was such an amazing experience yeah and the fact that like everyone every like especially european countries obviously too if you everyone else has bidet like americans are the only ones that only use toilet paper yeah and like think it's weird like i talked to a lot of men they're like no no i don't like anything on my butt i'm like yeah it's like it's not why are you making it weird it's not i mean they're literally putting their fingers and and and paper on their butthole right when they do it no i i've done uh this is on the show i don't remember what episode it was but i did do this has got to stop wiping once because yeah i just i figure like

there's like it's so archaic it's crazy to me that we've evolved as far as we have yeah and that somehow other animals, my dog, he goes outside, he poops, he does not use his paws to clean up anything. It's crazy to me that we're still over here wiping with our fingers.

Right. Like animals. Right. Or not even like animals. Like Neanderthals. It's somehow, we should have evolved more so our butt doesn't like,

doesn't get all poopy. Well, even in a third world country, they still have a bidet. Here, give me a second. Forgive me. My laundry is here. I couldn't control it. Keep talking about this stuff for a second. You have been dealing with this laundry drama.

Okay. Okay, so we'll keep talking about buttholes and bidets. But yes, I agree with you. I think it is a rarity to find someone with a bidet in New York City. But I love it when I come across it. It's great.

It is amazing. And it really is one of the things now that I have one, it's like when I don't use one, you know, anywhere, it's like I feel dirty. And it's like, can you, everyone else is walking around here with dirty buttholes and they don't even know. Yeah.

Yeah. They don't know how dirty it is. I'm right with you. I, you know, all good. Yeah. You got it. The laundry's here. But wait, was this, this has got, was this, this has got to stop or was this a, this is

something you like? Well, I was saying this has got to stop like dirty buttholes. Dirty buttholes. Like people have got to stop walking around with dirty buttholes. More people need to be taking up into arms. We need to pass some legislation to get bidets to every American.

I think we've said I have a hairy butt. Yeah. Big Jewish hairy butt. He really needs it. And like, if you don't have a hairy butt, you have no idea how difficult it is to be clean. It's the difference between spill some hot chocolate on here and then spill hot chocolate on like a 70s fuzzy rug. And that's what I'm dealing with every time.

And only use paper to clean it up. Only use paper. Listen, I want a bidet. But have you had a bad experience with dirty buttholes? Well, I think what it was is as soon as I started like opening this can of worms and then I started, you know, I do a lot on Instagram stories where I have people like send me, you know, you know, people send me secrets. I do like this whole secrets, you know, additional people send me, you know, their biggest, deepest,

darkest secrets. I see a lot of people will do that on their stories. And, um, one woman, she is a wax a wax like she does waxes and she was like you would not believe like i would say 80 of people that come in here their butthole there is poop still in their butt wow that made you grab my hand that woman that woman when she went to when she signed up for that job she did not know that that was going to be part of it

wow and she's like you know she did the stats and it's like I did a survey like I four out of five people that go into that thing have poop on their bum poop still like rancid and people don't even know it. I don't think people really understand.

Poop does this to you too? I have very bad like, yeah, yes. Oh, what? Like that's crazy. Like barf, yeah, barf poop. Sure, sure. That is strange.

I've always been self-caught because of the hairy thing. I think I've always been very like, I've always been worried about dingleberries. Have you ever shaved your butthole? It's one of those things. It's like when I was a kid, once I took like a regular razor to it and like,

it was just like, it never ended. Never. Yeah. Never ended. Yeah. And then now I have, I have a trimmer,

but it really is the trimmer. I've always get scared of cutting myself. So it's like, there's always like a little bit. So I'd do it like a little bit. Your girlfriend should try waxing your butthole. Oh, that would really hurt.

I had my boyfriend wax my butthole once just for content. Was that a TikTok too? James! TikTok took that one. Yes, yes. Wow, that was a good one. Well, I've just been i've

been on a kick about it lately yeah and i so and i do some promos with i don't know if the one you have is a tushy but tushy probably yeah it's well and it is i mean anyone because a lot of times bidets are really expensive normally you got to get another toilet you know you know again if you're up normally they have a second but this is when you literally just like screw on takes 10 minutes to install but so i've been just like screw on. It takes 10 minutes to install. So I've been just like on a kick about talking about it. Are you getting paid to say this for me? Yeah, by the way. Code?

No. No, but when I was in Hawaii, I was in Hawaii, and they had a bidet installed there. And it was like one with like different temperatures and different kinds. And a blower. Yeah. Dryer. Oh, yeah like a yeah like the blow dryer yeah no they had to dry and that was really nice oh my god so it's just a different luxury oh my god yeah you'll never leave no i say like i'll just go in there just like even if i don't have to go just

like feel something again you know like if you just wait a second and you're like i'm just gonna you know let it rip yeah full throttle yeah you know what i mean um what i do i like that i like i like uh bidets i would love to be sponsored by a bidet i know do you sponsor for your podcast yet we're getting there i'm on like episode seven so i do you know it's like i'm getting there yeah listen i'm not just i they they do random ads for me. I'm at the lowest level. And I was listening to the last episode and the ad at the beginning was for Timberlands. Really? And I was just like, I was like, I haven't looked at, I just, I just doubted.

I just doubt anyone's going to buy Timberlands. When do we start getting things? Like good things, you know? That's what I want. Well, you got to start talking about them, you know? Yeah good things. That's what I want. Well, you got to start talking about them. Yeah, that's true. We spend a lot of time talking about bidets. Well, there you go.

We had said once someone contacted me, like some coffee brand was advertised, but it's like the conservative woke. Like fuck woke people, coffee. QAnon coffee. Yeah, it was that QAnon coffee that we were advertising. And someone's writing me like hey just so you know and i'm just like that's very sweet of you i totally agree with you i don't think i

can do anything about it yeah right um well let's go to our final segment you better count your blessing you better count your blessing russell do do you have a blessing for us? I do. My blessing is that glorious, glorious voice of Douglas Goodheart that we just heard. I went to his house last night. He made a Friendsgiving kind of meal. Reminder, this is coming up January 14th.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, well, he made a christmas meal and uh it was the best turkey the like he made this double like cooked like potato that was like it was basically mashed cheesy mashed potatoes within a baked potato it was the stuffing he uh joanna made a great salad it was it great... The turkey was special somehow. What kind of turkey was it? I don't know, but it was like moist isn't even like a good word. It was like...

I don't want to say wet. It was like juicy. It was just... It was such a great meal. Did he put stuffing in the hole? Yeah. And he... It was such a great meal. Did he put stuffing in the hole? Yeah. And then he, and I'm just, you know, it was a really nice, lovely, it was one of the best meals I've had in a long time. And so I'm thankful for Douglas Goodheart, who also, I'll say this about him, is he listens to every episode. Of course, you wouldn't be saying this if he didn't.

No, no, no, no. I'm just saying, like, he's a very sweet. It's very, very kind. Like, you know, like that's a goes out of his way to listen to him. What's kind? That we give this content

out for free or that he enjoys it? I think it's nice because he'll say nice things. Thoughtful, thoughtful things. It's very sweet about that. Oh, speaking of which, join the Patreon.

Yes. Douglas. No, not Douglas. No, Douglas. I should give Douglas a free Patreon membership. Oh, nice. Frankly. But Patreon, it's patreon.com slash downside.

Early episodes, bonus episodes. Two a month, soon going to be four one day. Extra content. I think I'm going to put out the other podcast that never made it that I did with Sam Morrison. Oh, yeah. You'll get it there. So patreon.com slash downside. Help us.

I saw someone else's Patreon. There's so many followers that they were like, once we hit $20,000 a month, we're going to take the other co-host to Disney World. We're at a level that like, I'm going to take Russell to Subway.

To the Bronx. We're going to get Russell a six-inch chicken. And I'm going to try to see if I can put... I mean, I'll start doing that for Patreons if we want to just try to take up her racket.

Take her videos and just do them. But I'll do them. And not as well at all. Everybody will be like, he couldn't do it. He couldn't do it. My blessing? You know, my girlfriend, she's a comedy manager, a very good comedian.

Who are you allowed to say? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Tovis Oberman. Yeah. No, no. Oh, of you? Oh, she's your manager?

Oh, no, she's not my manager. Oh, no. No girlfriend. So the commission is a lot higher. Who is it? Do you say that? Do you say who she manages? Yeah, it's published on IMDb Pro.

Is it? Who is it? A lot of people. Oh, she manages a lot of people. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, cool. I didn't know that. What did you think?

Like a one client? I don't know. I don't know if it was like Amy, you know, like I don't know. Amy Schumer? Yeah. Maybe she's just 10% of Amy Schumer. You could make a good living off that. Right?

You know, like it was like a big deal. No, a lot of great clients. Right? You know, like it was like a big deal. No, a lot of great clients. And she, occasionally I ask for notes on this podcast that she was talking about one thing that I was doing. I think, you know, I'm figuring out how to be an interviewer. I make no claim to be a good interviewer. But it was that I was getting stuck kind of going to the timeline.

I was always like, because I was nervous about like keeping things moving or like just having something else to talk about. I would sometimes rather than let it go on its own journey, I would always go back to, okay, well then. So then you turn seven and then high school and then college and it can just start to get boring. Oh, I think that's a great note. I've been thinking that for. She had a couple couple notes for you. I'll tell you after the Patreon. It was only two episodes ago and I feel like we've

done this three in a row and I really do feel like it's been some of our best three episodes this run. We've just got some incredible stories. That dad story is one for the books. That dad story is a top. Wow. That's great. That's a good story. Phenomenal. Yeah, there's more. There's lots

lots of dad stories as you can probably imagine. Yes. Good material. It's like a one woman show about 2,000 women. That's the log line for you. Well, and you know, and it is of course, you know, I have a lot of it. I am more of like a storytelling like I work with like, you know, DC Benny is, of course, you know, I have a lot of it. I am more of, like, a storytelling.

Like, I work with, like, you know, D.C. Benny, I'm sure. D.C. Benny. Great, great comedian. And, like, Jim Brewer. Like, I, you know, a lot of those, you know. You're working with Jim Brewer right now? No, no, no, no, not right now. But, like, I used to love him.

Jesus. Bleep out that. No, no, no, no, no. But, like, I love, like, his his their style of comedy you know where it's like i'm definitely more of kind of storyteller in a way which i feel like a lot of people say that and they're like no you just suck but it's like no but i really you know it is more of like you know some of the stories of my life and um obviously about the gape and it is that was going to be like my blessing too is like i'm grateful that even though you know it's hard because of course you know a lot of people are like we're almost talking like my biggest issue

with like all right are you a tick talker are you gonna do mukbangs your whole life or you know are you singing like what's the deal and i am i'm grateful i get to do i'm finally doing my one woman show that i've always wanted to do where i do i sing and write write my own music. So I write comedy songs, like another huge inspiration of mine, Bo Burnham, where it's like, I grew up listening to him and watching him on YouTube every night. Sure.

So, and I play the piano. So I, you know, I'm finally where I'm like doing my own one woman show and have like my first like theater, 750 people show next week. Oh my God.

Wow. That's exciting. Really? I i mean it's like half sold out so this will be you know last push of the you know try and get it but if it like even if i can get close to selling out that would be amazing how many seats is that 750 and that's incredible it's incredible it's aggressive i like it would be you know if i can get you know again to like half even just like the orchestra where is it in norwalk connecticut which is okay our friend chris is from yeah yeah and i you know of course stanford is yeah where i live now and you know a lot of you know people following in my audience of course living in stanford doing a lot of stuff around stanford

i have a good audience there so but i've done a lot of shows i've done like eight shows in norwalk and stanford area for the last like six months so but i'm done a lot of shows i've done like eight shows in norwalk and stanford area for the last like six months so but i'm this has been like an accumulation of all of my work and like all my material and songs i've been working on to finally do this big theater show and i'm doing it next week so i'm really excited and grateful amazing um and well this episode will come out after this happened but i'm sure it fantastic. I'm sure it was sold out. You had a second show and the second show didn't do great, but the first show was great.

Um, uh, is there anything you want to plug before we wrap this up? Well, I was just gonna say, just, yeah, follow if you're,

you know, on the Tiki talks and Instagram, Sam Ramsdale five, follow along and, you know, hopefully I'll be a live show. We'd love to see, you know, see you out there one of these days, do a show in the cities. along and, um, you know, hopefully I'll be a live show. We'd love to see, you know,

see you out there one of these days, do a show in the cities. Of course. Of course. So, um, Russell, anything you want to plug?

Uh, you know, I, I don't know if this is official yet, but it could be unofficial. Yeah. Um, the,

in theory right now, uncle function will be doing, uh, shows at asylum NYC in 2022, the second Friday of every month, starting in February, I think. Yes. Very bold to do the promo before it's confirmed. Before it's confirmed. But I think that that's probably what it's going to be.

And you'll hear the next episode and maybe I'll have more information then. That's like the last episode you said we were going to have Josh Groban as a guest. Oh, yeah. And today Chris asked me, should I reach out to Tova about Caleb Huron? And I said, okay, well, we've moved.

Caleb's a great guest, but we've moved lower than the Josh Groban level for sure. Just find me online, Jamarcus Araizi. I'm in Raleigh, North Carolina.

Good nights at the end of this month. A lot of headlining gigs this year. 2022. Let's hope I make it. We record so far in advance. If I die suddenly... I was just thinking that. Just so you know, for the record here,

you are in charge of getting the rest of the episodes out. And I want them all played at the funeral back to back to back to back. With the commercials. With the commercials. Oh God. But remember whether you got a big mouth a small mouth one day we will all be

consumed by the biggest mouth in the world and that is God. I was going to say the feelingless universe which some people call God. This is the downside. I was going to say the feelingless universe, which some people call. God. This is the downside.