The Downside with Gianmarco Soresi - #70 A Cousin Party with Abbi Crutchfield

Episode Date: February 8, 2022

Comedian Abbi Crutchfield joins us to discuss being rejected from Nick Kroll and John Mulaney’s improv team, mystery dinner theatre, grocery shopping for your significant other, convincing toddlers to eat their vegetables and how we should maybe use those same tactics to get people vaccinated, teaching your kid to stop biting their teachers, and throwing a Zoom cousin party.  You can watch full video of this episode HERE! Follow ABBI CRUTCHFIELD on instagram & twitter Watch ABBI CRUTCHFIELD on Hulu's Up Early Tonight Follow GIANMARCO SORESI on twitter, instagram, tiktok, & youtube Check out GIANMARCO SORESI's special 'Shelf Life' on amazon & on spotify Subscribe to GIANMARCO SORESI's mailchimp Follow RUSSELL DANIELS on twitter & instagram E-mail the show at [e-mail] Produced by Fawn Sullivan, Paige Asachika, & Gianmarco Soresi Video edited by Spencer Sileo Special Thanks Tovah Silbermann Part of the Authentic Podcast Network Original music by Douglas Goodhart Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I usually talk a little bit sharper and louder, so should I just do my regular voice? You do whatever voice. I just don't want to blow out your eardrums. No, we have all these controls. It'll all be good. Thank you. Thank you so much. This looks like a weekend video right here. Welcome to The Downside. I am here with my co-host Dennis Daniels.

Dennis Daniels. Dennis Daniels, welcome. I knew it was Dennis. Wait a second. You said it with such confidence. You're like, and Dennis, where are you from? And Dennis, where are you from?

You might as well. If you don't know a name, you got to just throw one out there. Yeah. And hope it's close. If I was alone with a stranger, I'd just go with it. You should have gone with it

the whole time. Well, no i felt you know what i probably i would be more inclined to go with it if we were one-on-one at a party and we never see each other again yes yeah but i was like you're gonna i i felt the need to to say my name you know because you're here i want to get to know you and i want to know who you really are. I'm glad you went with your real name. We're joined today by a comedian, a writer, host, Abby Crutchfield. Welcome to The Downside. Thanks. It's so nice to be here. Well, remember, it's The Downside. Already off to a... You know, I could have been doing other things, but I wanted to shop down here at your local discount store. Instead, I thought I'd come up.

This is the downside. It was cold. Was that too long of an intro? No. Perfect. I don't want to give away your location or anything. I'm not going to give you court. This guy's scum.

You're listening to The Downside. The Downside. With John Marcus O'Reilly. Welcome to The Downside. Did you hear that music, yeah? No. Oh, okay. I didn't tell music was happening.

That's so funny. Oh, well, let me make sure you're thinking. I was talking as if they couldn't hear us. Can you hear it now? Yeah, I can hear it now. Okay, there you can go. It was a good song. It was funny because you were talking in a way where I was like, I knew.

I was like, she doesn't hear the music. I did, but I didn't think I was. You could hear me. So I just chatted to you over as if it was like, this is happening off camera. Now camera now we're back on oh one day i'll have a producer on here are you okay russell you're adjusting knobs i'm you're making me anxious no i'm adjusting because it was a little my thing was a little loud but it's good now it's good good good well good let's test it after we start the recording we're getting used to our voices right now and and and how loud we're all gonna be and it's good. Welcome to The Downside.

My name is Joe Marcus Rezzi and for those of you just tuning in for the first time, which could be, you have a big fan base. This is a podcast where we explore

the negatives of life. We talk in a fun way but about all the things we don't like. Any silver linings, we debunk them and we just find why everyone's full of shit except for those

in the room today yeah well where else can you go on the internet to find that of course i want to know it doesn't happen enough positivity everywhere i look it's about time we're keeping it real there's a lot of positivity toxic positivity there's a lot of toxic positivity that's why i did that's why i did this this uh this podcast i think there's a lot on the internet. I'm probably inappropriately positive to most people too. It's politically incorrect how upbeat I can be. I don't think it's if someone's genuinely positive in a real way. I don't think that that is that. I think there's a lot of there's a lot of like posting like in this voice that is all kind of the same kind of positivity.

Sure, sure, sure. Where it's like, who are you trying to convince? Us or yourself? Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. That life is so great. Yes. And there is a degree. I'm allergic to people making it.

I think we all are trying to make our lives seem better online. And it's making everyone collectively more depressed because we're all feeling. It was. I genuinely got upset when there was the trend on Instagram of bruno mars plus adele song it's a mashup and while they play it a bunch of scenes of your life go in really fast motion i don't even know how to edit videos so i'm mad already that i can't do one of these i can't participate in the trend but what bothered me is they look so awesome and And I was like, the whole vibe I got all throughout 2021 was how hard of a year it was. It was, you know, in my experience too.

But then I see these pictures. I'm like, how come no one talked about these happy moments? There were so many. It was an illusion. Here's my theory is that back in the day for pictures, you had to pose, right? You had to hold it for 30 minutes. And so everyone's picture is just like. Right.

They're tired. But that's also, but that's how they were feeling now when you take a picture like this you can smile real quickly and then go back to film like shit so you look at the pictures you go wow i was so happy no you were not you were faking it for a brief moment yeah if every picture was 30 minutes long we would have no instagram because none of it would be appealing i said before like holding the cheese that is what if you hold that for a whole day that's what depression feels like. Yes.

That's what toxic positivity is. There was a great point though in the 80s or 90s when you look at like family photos where you were like no one's posing for these like there's so many family photos from that time period where you're like it's just like an ant like staring at a wall. They couldn't get it together. like i was like who why are you why so many photos why

do they exist like well no what it was like actually candid like like yeah yeah really captures what was happening in the moment that i was like now looking back here like it's probably more accurate reflection of what was actually yeah yeah imagine the first person who said like let's just just smile real big yeah now. I'm like, why? You're giving me a real bad feeling through the camera. Can you just fake it for a second? That's much better. You know what?

You touched on an interesting point, and I think I'm going to bring it all together here. In the old days, it took way too long to take a picture. So people were getting hungry and cranky. So not their best was coming out. Today, you can take a picture in a millisecond, so you can capture the most precise moment and make it last forever. And then in the 80s, there was too much time, not enough time. We have not found the sweet spot of taking good pictures that tell the truth yet. Yeah, I think like a 10-second delay, and we'll see how you feel.

Yeah. How you feel. So before we get to you, I have my complaint I like to open with a little. Please. So I owed Tova, my girlfriend, a favor, and I had to go do a grocery shop for her. And it's very stressful. I don't know. And I thought, for me, she used to be kosher, still holds on to it.

But not just that. She's allergic to 10 different things. Bananas, cantaloupe. I don't know if it's allergic or doesn't like it. I thought she was allergic to cashews. Doesn't have cilantro. It's a lot of things. So she gives me this list.

But she didn't say surprise me. She was specific. There we go. She did at the end of... So I say I'll do this grocery trip. I get this text. I mean, it took, it was a couple of gigabytes. It took a little bit to download how long this list was.

I had to scroll and scroll and take screenshots. You should have copied and pasted and put it in your notes section. I took screenshot. Sure. Okay, it's too late. I already did. You're thinking though, right? I've grocery shopped before like an adult who has a list.

So she gives me, she breaks it down in sections of the Trader Joe's. We go to the same Trader Joe's. But here's the stressful part. There's many stressful parts. First, this Trader Joe's, it's in the basement. There's no reception. So anytime there's something that I can't find, I cannot reach her. I cannot reach her.

She's making things. So I don't know what's an important ingredient and what's something that I can't find, I cannot reach her. I cannot reach her. She's making things. So I don't know what's an important ingredient and what's something that can go. And I swear, there were things on this list that Trader Joe's has never sold, will never sell, that is not available in America. Give us an example. She's thinking of Whole Foods. I will find.

So there was coconut milk and coconut yogurt. None of these were at Trader Joe's. They don't have coconut milk. Not at this Trader Joe's or things were sold out and I don't know how important it is. But at the end she said, wait, hold up here. It is.

I do have the full list, right? Oh my God. This is how long it is. Um, at the very end, she said, also, this is after 50 items, a surprise. She says, surprise me. I'll tell you. She thinks you have enough info ahead. I'll tell you how I'm going to surprise you. Nothing you asked for is going to be in the bags.

That's the surprise for you. And so, no, the thing that she said that I like when I saw it, I was nutritional yeast. And I'm like, man, I don't know where the fuck is nutritional yeast. I don't even know what aisle that's in. I don't know where that is either. I know I have some at home and I use it a lot. But I don't know where the where the fuck is nutritional i don't even know what aisle that's in i don't know where that is either i know i have some at home and i use it a lot but i don't know where i found it it's not fun you know the the the grocery store not having service thing though it does remind me my my grocery store doesn't have very good service either and sometimes i'll have to google what a produce thing looks like because sometimes it's not labeled oh you mean the greens? Like the greens. The greens.

It's insane. I have to Google, and then I'm like looking at the picture, and like sometimes the service doesn't come through, so it is hard to do. You don't go back there. You don't go back there. You know what happens?

When I'm looking, it happened to me yesterday. I was looking at the greens, and someone next to me says, is this another guy? No idea. This is another guy saying, is this cilantro?

Just men Googling photos. And I'm like, dude, I have no fucking idea it could be parsley you might my hack for that is to smell it can you smell the difference between cilantro it's a really unique smell if it smells like you're in a mexican restaurant that's cilantro if it's not it's parsley there's more than that though there's listen those are the only two things sure but there's there's 50 you're looking at alfalfa sprouts you're looking at broccolini you don't know what's going on.

And so then, which she asked for the surprise. That's when I, and as I go to the aisle, you start seeing all the shit that I never buy. You know, it was like flowers. There was just green sprigs. I guess they're called sprigs. I don't know. And I'm like, who the fuck is buying this? And then there I am.

And I'm like, it's me. I'm the one buying. This is what this is for. I'm like, who the fuck is buying this? And then there I am. And I'm like, it's me. I'm the one buying. This is what this is for. I'm like, here's a surprise. Here's some green shit in a bag. I just spent some more money. I hope you enjoy this. This was a surprise.

She's like, what is it? You're like, exactly. Tova is a picky eater. She would disagree with it, but she's wrong. She's a picky eater, and it's very tough. If I had no list, I don't know. Well, if she has specific recipes, it's like that's what is on the list. But get this.

So she had the list. This is how paranoid I am about it. She had on the list cashews. I eat a lot of cashews. Tova has never eaten a cashew because she told me she doesn't like cashews. I thought it was a test I thought Tova

had added it to the list to see if I got it and then she'd go you know nothing about me why would I want cashews but turns out there was some recipe

that I guess she does like cashews and she's like I'll try it and I was I swear to god I thought it was a test and in my head

I said I'm gonna get them I'm gonna get these cashews and if she says that was a test I'm gonna take I said I'm gonna get them I'm gonna get these cashews and if she says that was a test I'm gonna take them because I like cashews yeah yeah you can't lose

I went through the whole thought process yeah I have another workaround okay when you present the cashews that she may or may not want you say

I know you don't typically eat these but since they're on the list I thought I would get them but if you don't want them, I'll eat them. You know, like just to show her that you know where she's coming from. So she can't play that card of like, do you even get me?

Yeah. I don't know. I'll do that. I'll do that. It's just. And maybe she, I bet she was. Wait, did you bury in her though that she organized this by aisle? Not by aisle, by loose section.

Oh, I didn't hear that. That is. Loose section. aisle not by aisle by by loose section yeah that is section that's like she's done a lot of the work ahead of time of the planning and putting it in some sort of order for your dumb dumb you're always the tova apologist on this show every time i say on the podcast she's like even russell agreed with me i'm like yeah that's what we have to do on the podcast when we hit and recording russell's like she's fucking she planned a lot of meals and then like put it in order so you could like wander stumble through and

hit things into your cart so i feel like that's a lot of work like could you sight unseen how long you've been married 15 no wait i don't know oh nine do the man oh nine yeah 22 minus nine 13 okay thank you 13 years could you if you had to shop for him for a week uh-huh no list could you get everything he wants yes and he usually will do the online shopping because it's hard for me to get it together and take the list all the way to the store so he'll just have it ordered but he always gets a thing wrong and i have had to learn to not seize on to the thing he got wrong because i have to say wow thanks for everything else because it's really mean to just be like he does all the work and i'm just like and yep i got this but it really does

drive me crazy that like tov i want you to go back 30 seconds just play that one more time there's just always something and it just happened two days ago if i could just think of what it was but it'll be something very much like uh they didn't have this so i got you this anyway and it's like yeah that's not what i asked for and i hate that or here's what he did he got um rice checks and life cereal original flavor for like the fourth week in a row and it goes uneaten like if he doesn't get to it and nobody eats it because my daughter doesn't like it and I don't like it. Yeah.

So I'm like, what are these doing here again? You know, it's like inviting your friends you know I don't like. Sure, sure. So he's like, it's cereal. Get over yourself. And I'm like, just, I only don't have that much room. It's in a small apartment. Suddenly it feels like he's moved in extra furniture.

I'm like, what do I do with all these boxes? Yeah. All right. I think high anxiety is the alternate name of course this yeah russ what about you could you for nicole for a week do you uh it wouldn't be very good it would i mean it would be fine for one week but i think i think i i'm pretty boring when i like plan for like things i have like four or five things i can. And so she does like a lot of the planning and stuff. But, but I do think there's a guy thing about, um, we get trapped.

Like something happens where we're in that store. And when we have the list and you're like, I, I feel like I'm on a game show where I'm like trying to find the things. And there, there's like sometimes one or two things where you're like, I know it's here, but I can't find it.

And then sometimes you just lie and she knows that it's a lie. Like being like, they didn't have that. And you're like, they didn't have milk or like, they didn't have the thing, but you know, you'll just kind of like be like,

no, I went, I got a manager and like, like I don't always do it, but sometimes I've done it when I, cause I've been so desperate of like, I want a manager and like, I don't always do it, but sometimes I've done it when I, cause I've been so desperate of like, I want to get it right. But it's something happens where there's just one thing on the list that something. And I got to tell you, Trader Joe's, which I live near Trader Joe's.

I go there now and it is kind of a more basic grocery store. Like there's not a lot of options. They have their brand of things, a lot of prepared meals. store like there's not a lot of options they have their brand of things a lot of prepared meals right i went to a whole foods recently and it'd been a long time and it was like too advanced for my brain i couldn't make choices anymore there's just so many different things trader joe's i get i get the same yeah i try to get one different item every time just to mix it up yeah you know what i like doing i like going to a grocery store in any other city other than New York because of how big they are.

It's like this. Yeah. Like you just have a cart. The cereal aisle alone. And you're like, the room, my grocery store, I can't go down the aisle. They have so many stuff for storage and things and stocking. It's like, it's barely able to get down the aisle. And you can do, you can get like a cup of fruit in a non-New York and it's not $12 for the little case of blueberries.

It is nice to get out of the town. Yeah. And see how other people live. That's why they like it out there. That's true. They're facing options. For those listening, if you do like grocery store talk, we have a Patreon where we only talk about we review grocery stores around the world it is uh it is uh patreon.com slash downside you get four bonus episodes a month this is new and

we're growing and uh so again if you want to listen to more it's patreon.com slash downside but uh you grew up in indiana i did and uh yay or nay oh it's fine it wasn't for me to do what i wanted to do um which is be an artist although there is an art community there there's just like industry speaking it was better to be in new york or la and i knew that right out of college so i tried to get out of there but the older i get the more i'm mellowing because I have friends there that stayed there and, you know, settled down there and grew their lives. At first I was like,

what are you doing? Get out. Yeah. Now I'm like, okay, it's nice. And then, and I have family there and I go back and,

but it's not, it's got, there's a lot of needs to change for me to want to live there. What would you change other than industry stuff? Well, it's, it's a largely red state. And I,

you know, when I go back, I go to my progressive blue circles or whatever sure but um was your city progressive or was it where we're in indiana it felt like it was but indianapolis then the capital city okay i'm going i'm doing helium indianapolis oh so please i want to know more or what to avoid well no i don't think i think you fit right in you know like, like it's, it's a metropolitan city.

Oh, it is. Okay, good. You look like a Republican. No, I mean, I just mean, I don't know. There's something about the lens. I just don't like to disparage Indiana anymore, but I did have a lot of residual angst. And I do think, like I said, like there's a good fit for everybody and you know where you want to be.

You used to be more resentful. Yeah. I never said anything good about it on a podcast i would be like and you came on the downside you're like no let's talk it up now now let's talk about positive about you caught me in a weird time in my life what made you change that wanting to not shit on it's just having is it having a family and being like i see why caring about people that stayed there yeah um and just russell doesn't like it when I Shit on his

His town What is it called? Dunkin Donuts? Yeah Dunkin Donuts Upstate New York No it's called Bainbridge New York But no I don't

I don't mind it when you I feel Almost the same way What you're describing of like I spent a long time being like Bleh bleh bleh Upstate Yeah is the problem them

Or is the problem that i'm being like like it's fine i didn't i didn't like it and that's fine but a lot of people i love still live there and i don't want to like be like with my hometown the problem is that them is it yes and a lot of my family lives there so i have no i don't care about it at all yeah so uh i'm i i'm still i'm very much poo-pooing my well i'm in the middle of trying to write a joke about it like your hometown going back to your hometown is like trying to reconnect with an old flame or an old boyfriend because it's like you've changed and they suck so it's like sure you know what i mean that's the punch so i'm trying to think of what's

stronger than that of like i can't say you've changed and they haven't because that's very what people are expecting but it's but but it's it is something like that of like say you've changed and they haven't because that's very what people are expecting. But it's but but it's it is something like that. Like because you've changed trying to go backwards in time and make that work isn't possible. Yeah. Yeah. How your family's still there. Yeah. How long can you go back before you start going like I got to get the fuck out of here.

No. I had a limit. I used to have a limit. It's like four days. My husband I would always start fighting on day four. Like we both have had it up to here. We were both from Indiana. His name's Luke Thayer.

He's a comedian. And yeah, it just starts to, for example, I used to get like car sick. So I'd have to drive everywhere to get anywhere. I'm like, what is with this town? Like you have to drive 20 minutes to get to anything to eat. I used to say like, oh, people just go shopping for fun. Like Target, like you're talking about the stores being so big.

Although now I find it comforting to go into a Meijer, for example. It's like this giant superstore the size of a Sam's Club, but it looks like a Walmart inside. You're so funny. I haven't been to a Meijer. I've been to a Sam's Club

and I have never been to like a real Walmart. Okay. I have no other point of reference for you. No, no, no. It's so interesting. I've never really- You've never been to a Walmart? There was none really in Potomac, Maryland

I want to go Look at your privilege Never been to a Walmart Then you've never been in an Aldi I'm just going to start listing chains Which one was Aldi's? Aldi's is a small grocery store I think I've been to an Aldi's but they're here in New York, right?

We have them. I don't know. I only see them when I go back. I saw someone recently and they showed me their pants was from Walmart. And I want to go. I want to go clothes shopping at Walmart. Okay. Well, we do have a Kmart in New York.

I realized. Yeah. They're not the same kind of store at all, but they are old school department stores from the 80s. So they have the same vibe your husband's from indiana was he indianapolis as well yeah yeah did you know each other as high schoolers no no and i kept looking through old photos to see if he'd be in the background of like a zoo field trip or something but no we never crossed paths until after school

we met at an open mic uh crackers which, that one is closed now. And crackers, crackers, comedy club is in Indianapolis. Oh, I believe they have, uh, um, what do you call it? A store open store club. They've got a club,

but they used to have a couple. Yeah. Oh, I see the one that we met in is gone. So I often just think it's gone, but it's not crackers. I don't know if that name would, is that still around?

It's called crackers. The fact that crackers is still in Indiana should say a lot to you about why i don't want to be there that's the tip of the iceberg but yeah was it was it quite i mean i imagine it's quite white yeah i call it homogenous but it's like it's not just that there's a predominant like there's a race there that you see all the time, you know, in certain sections, but there's also just like a vibe, a hairstyle, uh, a vernacular,

an accent that you just can't get away from there, which I guess is, you know, it's region specific. Are there any Indianapolis words, things that you had to get rid of? You just take the G off of things. So if I'm really,

if it's just me and Luke, I get real twangy and I'm just like going there instead of I'm going there. Oh, sure. Sure. That's all. That's mainly it. Do you think you and Luke connected partially because you're from a similar place? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. We have a lot in common. Uh-huh. It's kind of, that's what, like, yeah, I joke that it like kind of ruined the pandemic for us because we were really in sync and then it was like, there's nothing left to learn about each other. Now we just have to know too much much like the sound of your chewing pattern like i've memorized it so i can't have meals with

you anymore it was that it was just like wow it's like not this show again you know is uh is he back on the road uh he's not the reason i'm laughing is right before this podcast i was like i always overshare and this time you guys just take your time you don't have to answer questions right away and i'm throwing him under the bus left and right no you said his chewing's terrible you're tired of learning about him he can't pick a cereal to save his life there's nothing left to know you worry about oversharing yeah but this is the downside i'm supposed to of course oh yes please i mean that's the goal the goal is for every guest to regret when you

shut the fuck up he loves editing people do you really oh my god people reach out people don't edit on podcasts though that's my pet peeve people reach out and and i'm always like nice you know they're like can you take out that thing and i'm like yeah fuck you but i'm gonna spend most of the episode talking about things i don't like and then i'm gonna regret all of it because i heard you on another podcast you have a daughter yes but you you've always been uh at least on the other podcast you were like you were conscientious about what you want to share about your daughter i saw on social media you put a yeah i don't hear her face or name on the internet sure but and was that nobody's trying to figure it out are a lot of parents doing that these days

or do you do you see some parents that like go like all right you're gonna put these out there a bunch of weirdos are gonna be i just feel like different strokes for different folks i've um i don't she'll i think she'll love the internet the way i do and she'll want to put her stamp on it the way i've have so i don't want to ruin it for her by being like, here, your friends can look up every single thing about you if they want to. Yeah. I assume all of her friends will have no interest in me and what I'm doing. So anything I've ever like, you know,

hashtagged about her will be archived and won't be findable. I already have Instagram accounts for my potential kids. I would have loved nothing more. When I hit freshman year of high school, my dad said, here's an account. You already have 25,000 followers. Look what I did for you.

This is good for you. It would be better than a college fund. I definitely, I worry that if I had a kid, I would have to have a conversation with myself. I feel like SAG-AFTRA would come knocking on my door and be like,

you got to put this kid in the union because you are working him yeah well that's the other thing you're so in love with your kid you only want to talk about them so i knew i had to put a cap on how much i shared anyway so i made that rule for myself just like well just don't if you can't share a face then you can't share the millions of photos you take every day i do worry i'd use my kid more as like a production assistant like yeah he'd be holding the camera. You'd notice the angle would be from way from the floor. It's a family business. I can see that. So let's see.

You had a, you had a, you have a bulldog. Yeah. So my daughter's four. My dogs are a couple years older than that. They're about six and they are bulldog Sharpay mixes from the same litter. So they're brothers. And you have a pit bull yeah are they close related to pit bull and a bulldog i don't think they're english bulldog and pits i don't think are related they just have the word bull in both words sure that's probably where i was like at least must be related but when you mix

either they have bull in the name so people don't know if you're talking about a pit mix or a english bull yes and you had dogs during the pandemic two dogs yeah that's and a new york apartment yeah but we got out every day they helped us walk you know that's a good point and you can keep your distance because nobody wants to get coveted from a dog at least not in 2020 they didn't and they're relatively compact right like that the uh yes they're about 40 pounds yeah uh was there i remember there was a little bit where it seemed like dogs could get coveted can right? Like that, the, uh, yes, they're about 40 pounds. Yeah. Uh, was there, I remember there was a little bit where it seemed like dogs could get COVID.

Can they get COVID? I think that's cats. I don't know. I never learned. I just heard. Yeah. I think tigers, tigers, tigers have been getting COVID once in a while.

I thought I read about a dog getting COVID and it was one of those things where they were testing animals and we couldn't get tests. And it was a real, I, I, that was, that get tests. And it was a real. That was a really that was a wild phase. Yeah. That's where we all really were like, no humans first. Yeah. Even even vegans were like, OK, I'd like the test first before the dog.

Yeah. So you you didn't go to college for the arts. I know you went to college for foreign service yeah which means what international relations a lot of people that graduated with my degree ended up doing their masters in like international business international law or they worked for the foreign service which is like a peace corps it's like two years in a country they place you in. What kind of classes does that entail? Analyst of some sort. You have to get proficiency in a language. I got proficiency in French and Italian. You still fluent?

Si. Et oui. But you also have to get like some, you take like history classes, art classes, government classes, economics classes. That's what I remember. And then at Georgetown, you have to do a religious course of some sort your freshman year. Everyone at Georgetown? Yes.

Well, essentially my step-grandfather, but he was a priest originally before he fell in love with my grandma, who was his secretary. And he was a dean of students at Georgetown. That's nice. Small world. Yeah. And then I guess what happened, he fell in love with my grandma, who was his secretary. And he was a dean of students at Georgetown. That's nice. Small world. Yeah. And then I guess what happened, he fell in love with his secretary and the priesthood sent him to a mental asylum.

Oh, dear. Because he was going to throw his whole life away. And I guess he wrote the Pope saying, can we make an exception? Which is bold. He would still be able to be a priest. He wanted to be a priest. Priest rights movement. That's not bad.

At least this is my dad's telling. So who knows. But my dad says he was excommunicated from the church. That's harsh. It's crazy harsh. That's your community. They're like a grown woman. Get out of here. Following through on instincts. That's your community. Yeah. Your identity. They're like a grown woman. Get out of here. Right.

And. Following through on instincts. But. Yuck. He was. So it still has that religious element to it. What did you study? Which religion?

Well, I think the general course that they make you take is called The Problem of God. And then you specifically like see the description of each that is offered. So the one I ended up taking was like a feminist theology course. And I remember there was some part about it had to do with cults. So we got to spend like a good chunk on gurus and cults and how they form and what they're all about. Did it feel like skeptical or were they trying to indoctrinate? Everything's a test in college to see if if you'll like yeah fall for it no i think um it was very removed and the text we were studying was i think from the 80s so it seemed it was like had been written a few decades earlier yeah yeah i don't think they were recruiting us for anything

but when you graduated did you already know you wanted to be a comedian or a performer? Kind of, yeah, because I got to my senior year. I was not attending the business fairs. My friends were buying suits at Target, little blazers and pants. And it just made me like, ew, what are you doing? And they're like, I'm going to the career fair. And I said, what do you do there? And they go, you walk around, you meet booths, you present your resume. And I'm like, you have to write a resume?

All of it sounded like five years ahead. I was like that's yeah we're in college I'm sitting here holding pizza I'm like this is for 3 a.m pizza guys what are you doing but they're like uh clock is ticking you have to graduate you have to think about what school you're gonna go to next and I was like I'm not doing more school yeah so I attended one dinner where we got to mingle with people who worked in the foreign service and nobody's personality clicked with me I was just like feeling like retreating into myself, like, Oh my gosh, I don't look like any of these people. I don't talk like them. I'm not excited by what they're talking about. And one woman in particular, uh, with big glasses and a bun sitting on top of her head. Uh, and she had like one of those like white button downs under

a sweater yeah yeah yeah she looked great i guess but for me i was like who is this lady i like to wear sweatpants and she was like well you don't really get to choose where you go they just kind of send you and um and i that was it for me like when she had said that of like, I thought you could pick, I'm going to go to Paris. I'm going to go be foreign and study somewhere else. I'm going to serve other countries there. And she was like, I just thought, no, I can't do that. Yeah.

So that party that night. Did you have any fear of like, oh no, they're going to send me. Um, I don't know where I thought they could send me. There was just too much of the world. I didn't want to see. Sure. And you're like Paris or bus. Paris or bus. or bust yeah you can

name a really cool place and I probably at my and that age I really don't know that you um so you were you were doing comedy but you were also doing uh dinner theater is this right yeah so I left college I mean left college I graduated and then I wanted nothing to do with my uh degree and so I went back to Indianapolis and attended the local open mic. Actually, I attended the local comedy club because on campus, I had already auditioned for an improv group that was like a long run, long standing run there. Was that the famous improv group?

Yes. Founded by Nick, I believe, Mike Birbiglia and then Nick Kroll. Nick Kroll and John Mulaney. And then John Mulaney was there. And John Mulaney, I recall, I don't know if it's true, was among the people that was evaluating the auditioning people, right? So I'm auditioning in front of John. Did you audition in front of John?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you work with him? Did you see him? I did not get in. I did watch him. I watched him do stand-up at a coffee shop on Avenue P or something. Was it really good? I'm sorry, I'm such a fanboy.

I love, yeah. But when you saw it, were you like, Oh fuck him and Jackie Novak were on the same show. And I remember being in awe of how brave they were. I was like, wow, this is so bold. I've never done this before, but I went back on campus to try to audition for G pig. And then I didn't make the cut and I was disappointed. And so I kind of scorched the earth and was like, improv is dead. It's stand up, baby. And so I launched my own stand up group. I was like, a stand up group. We're going to improv. It's a stand up group where we do heralds.

Yeah. You were ahead of your time. It was called Supa, the stand up association. And it was very much in competition with G-Pig. It was like, look, if G-Pig won't take you, Supa will. I don't care who you are. But it was very much in competition with gpig it was like look if gpig won't take you super will i don't care who you are but it was a stand-up group yes so that i didn't compete with it feels like try my improv group or try the one everybody loves already i thought i have no chance uh-huh so i offered a different product which is stand-up and to get

people to come i was in the career fair area the one that i would avoid later for interviews but um to get people there's like a group thing. It's like, this is the time to promote the group. So I did stand up. I wrote some stand up for that. I got some people. Lance Weiss was among the comedians who joined that group. God, so many comedians that I know.

And then we had about three meetings where we were like, what are we going to do? When are we going to do our show? Let's plan. I made cookies. Nothing would come at these meetings. It wasn't like a punch up group. It was just people sitting around. Where are you from?

You know? And then by the end of the semester, people were like, we really have to do a show. And I'm like, great guys, this is our chance. Let's do the show. The group went down from 20 to four people who actually agreed to do it. Oh my God. Everybody else was like, I can't do it. I want to do it.

Yeah, and get cookies. So we performed, yeah. So we performed on campus once. So technically, I did stand up in the little career fair. I did stand up on campus once, but it didn't feel legit. So when I got back to Indianapolis, I went to a real comedy show to see how I could. I was trying to take notes. How do I do this for real?

Yeah. And then at the end of that night, they said, hey, if you want to do the open mic sign up for the open mic and my friend who went with me was like you gotta do the open mic this is your chance so that was the beginning of all of it then I would just attend that mic see the comics rolling through ask them how they got their career where did they live to do that you know that kind of thing I I feel I did anyone come to that Supa show? Like, was the show good? The show was out on campus.

It was the whole school, it felt like. I mean, anybody that, there were plenty of people on the lawn that sat and watched, including my roommate, who said, this is great, this is great. But it felt so nerve wracking to have the masses. That's like doing a concert, essentially, if you've never performed before.

Yeah, yeah. It was not the intimate setting I had hoped for. The coffee shop I had seen when i watched it did you kill because it was friends and like yeah my opinion i did that's that's the thing i got laughs at everything i wrote when i when i did i did the caroline's class one summer in college i did the caroline's comedy club class and then i went back i did an hour for like my friends that's exhausting i did an hour and it was like i still have it It was very dirty It was any

Every time I'd had sex Up to that point It was covered Within that hour long So it was like anecdotal And storytelling It was like There was an act out

Of like Man It's like I thought a girlfriend Was squirting But she was peeing on me And like I was on the floor Like acting out

Using my heels To rock back and forth I Sounds like it could work That's how And it crushed on me and like I was on the floor like acting out using my heels to rock back and forth. Sounds like it could work. That's how and it crushed. Yeah of course. Because it was a friend telling you about all the times. Where did you do it? It was at the small black box theater at the college. Oh. And I was

wearing basketball shorts, a wife beater, a rib tee and socks. No shoes. Because I was a theater kid and that's how I used to dress for classes and I was like this is authentic

it sounds like a one man show that's like young man gets laid and then it's just you telling your sex stories yeah yeah this is the one I think I said where I had I talked about these

high school girl ex high school exes and I said something terrible about one of them and I didn't say anyone's name but I described looking for the clitoris is looking for a pimple in a truck driver's armpit and like you know later a year later like they found it

online and we're we're not happy yeah yeah and i was like it wasn't about you it was an amalgamation of every woman's clitoris yeah um so it's artistic it's a visual but when you went from georgetown back to indianapolis i mean did, I mean, did you like George? Did you like leaving Indianapolis? Did you feel like I'm more at home here? And I mean, Georgetown is probably closer to being in New York. What did that feel like? I was homesick for sure. You know, because what you know about when I'm comfortable,

it's because I know the people around me. If I don't know people around me, it's like coming to a party and you're just like that ice layer you've got to break break of you know so i go straight to the food table so at uh georgetown i just spent a lot of time i remember indoors playing online chess and just connecting with people through chess comments but wow i lost a lot of games it wasn't like i was good but that really is exciting to me because it changed all the time and i met new strangers and yeah it was the creepy internet days when like you know are you still anybody could like commit identity theft or yes come find you and murder you like it was just that wild west of internet

which which is this aol days was it aol no was it that's a great question i think it was it was yeah well chat and everything the aol those were the some of those groups i entered those group chats i entered were fucked up yeah you just hope you're talking to a fellow 13 year old you know when you're on in your chat room but it's i was too scared i would never do it alone i would only do it like at sleepovers yeah i was like and i would like i would i like in my mind i was like they will be in control of like, like the typing and stuff. Like I was too scared. It is scary. You're so right.

Yeah. And yeah, my friend and I, we would see how far we could go with a stranger before it got too gross and it would get gross and we'd giggle and then we'd shut off. We'd like log out. But yeah, what a scary time. I mean, it was chaos that what we were allowed to do. I mean, so true. Oh, so it's been to do. I mean. So true. Uh-oh, somebody's being weird here.

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Get started today at Questrade.com. So when was the murder mystery dinner theater in Indianapolis? Yeah, after college when I knew I didn't want to use my degree or I didn't know how to use my degree and I didn't want to continue my education, I came home and thought, oh, I have to have a game plan because everyone in my, my siblings are professionals and they're good at what they do. So if I'm going to make arts and entertainment, my career, I have to make it sound legit. I have to have a four year plan,

yada, yada, yada. Yeah. So I started hitting the pavement and at one time I did dinner theater, substitute teaching at my old high school. I was a waitress in a restaurant for two nights a week and a nightclub waitress on the weekends i think that's it so you're rolling in money so yeah i was saving up as fast as i could it took me one year to save i don't was the number really

10 000 i had like a number saved like a big number uh-huh and it didn't last me long in new york but i of course you know because that's what you're saving and then you're once you hit that number you're gonna go to new york uh yeah That was my deadline. But was the dinner theater, was that for the money or was that for the love of the game? Did you like the dinner theater? I loved dinner theater. It was so cool. I wanted it to be like what I had seen. And I think sitcoms maybe saved by the bell has one, an episode about dinner theater where it's a murder mystery you have to solve. Um, it was not like that it was campy scripts with tons of puns an opportunity to do impersonations of actual characters one character

i was colombo essentially but it wasn't by the name colombo but you had to have colombo's mannerisms and a trench coat which one's colombo he is he uh it's played by peter fogg he's a detective he's like oh one more thing let me just ask you one more thing he's always like hapless and you have to wonder does he really know what he's doing and of course he knows

he does he gets you in the end you'll enjoy Columbo if you ever get into it listen I love murder mystery dinner theater it sounds great to me that sounds like a fun night

for me is it more is it interactive or is it like on a stage it was interactive and it was no music there was no singing so you didn't have to have

real theater chops. You did have to know how to project. I did something like high school and college theater. But you had to memorize script. You worked with one other person. It was a two person show. You played up to four characters

or five characters. And then the end, the way this company did it was everybody sits at a big table. They get their soup first. They get their salad next. And then they get their main course. In between all of those, you come back with new clues.

You do a costume change while they're getting served their food. Once they're eating, you come back out in character. They love it. They're just like, oh my God, who's this now? Who's this supposed to be? You nudge them and you're like, what are you seeing, Betty? You get to do different voices. I loved it.

It sounds like it. Were they always good? Were there any bad shows? It became fun if we forgot our lines and had to improv out of it. Or if we left a scene, they're getting their next meal, and we forgot some plot point that was really important for them. So then we'd come back and rehash it in that new character, whoever we had to dress up as.

We'd have to drop that clue. Were there always enough people there to do it? Was there ever like a light show? Never had a light show, but didn't need too many. I think it was 30 max or 40 max. So the audience was always small at a big table eating together. It was like four groups of families, some birthday parties. It never got rowdy. It was not the introduction to stand up that New York City stand up-up was sure it was really folksy and fun i would be so into dinner theater but dinner theater is like not i'm not doing it i'm saying if i'm going to see a show yeah i'd love to eat at the same time i like to consolidate leisure time so i feel production you could watch but you also yeah we didn't get hecklers but they

did get little note cards of when they should speak up because inevitably one of them would say, I saw the crook, you know, and you'd have to tell them, hey, you don't come in until the end. And then they'd be real excited to be a participant, which I wish stand up worked that way. You could just give a heckler a card and be like, when I point to you, then you have to talk because it would give them something to do instead of them being drunk and making up their whole thing. They want to mess up the show anyway. Was it always the same person who killed them? Like, or did you mix it up? something to do instead of them being drunk and making up their whole thing. They want to mess up the show anyway. Was it always the same person who killed them? Like,

or did you mix it up? That's what I don't remember. I don't think the audience ever got to be the killer. I think, no, yeah, you would unveil yourself as the killer

at some point. They would have to guess right before the end and whoever was closest to guessing the right, correct person got a prize. But it was one of two of you.

Yeah. Yeah, but we played the detective, the victim. So it's you, no, the other you. No, the other you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because there was a show, there was an interactive show in DC

called Sheer Madness. Yes, I love Sheer Madness. I took two high school dates. I took them to Sheer Madness. That's great. I love it because it changed each time, right? That was your move. Well, it changed each time.

You voted who was the killer. But the script, obviously, I think accidentally leaned one way. So both times it was the same. Oh, interesting. It was the same person. I wonder what determines then how it changes. Because I definitely know that it can change. I think people vote.

It's just that the way that they acted it, everyone was like, well, it was that guy. And all the other actors were like, fuck, okay, it's him again. Did you ever do a dinner theater? No, I didn't. The closest, we did the interactive show that we did. Yeah, we did the interactive off-Broadway show. I did do this thing in... No.

No, no, no. What? If you want to go there. No, that was not... It was called That Bachelorette Show we burned it to the ground yeah yeah and it was

it was a learning experience yes of what not to do ever with your life John Marco played like a Jersey Shore it was like a parody

of Bachelor Show but it was an example of like it was a theater piece but it really was like a nightclub where they're just gouging people for these overpriced drinks and then occasionally we put on it's a little story and we do a dance and then we're

supposed to like lobby people for votes uh man the idea of lobbying people for votes there's a lot of drunk bachelorette parties that were right were the audience members and so that was the goal like they had a comedy show like that's like okay there's a bachelor party let's hope we get okay yeah this was that was the goal that was the goal and it was like i couldn't you know you couldn't help but see how disappointed they were in this experience how much money they spent to then be like some people had fun no no for sure some people did have fun they got handsy there was there was one woman who got where where I was like, oh, this is my line. Yeah. That has been crossed. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, no.

Just the butt grabbing. I'm sorry. And then one of them said to me, I wore a tank top the whole thing, and someone said, my character's name was Giovanni, Giovanni. Fun. Yeah. And one woman was like, Giovanni, having a lot of spaghetti recently, I see. Something about my stomach.

Shave, shave. a lot of spaghetti recently i see something about my stomach and i just no one ever that outright said something about like my stomach and i feel really pissed off oh you sure i think i told them to go fuck themselves what did they say to you were you wearing a t-shirt that said chubby guys something something i i uh so you didn't write the script or create the character name well you would have thought you would have thought we had this development phase of this thing. It was like we're all in the room for months. Months. Improvising and crafting.

We're coming up with the character's name. I named my character. But then it's just like he's this fat guy in Hawaiian shirt. And it was like the guy that's not supposed to be one of the bachelors was my thing and it was so it was like 90 of people were lovely because they were like the underdog let's root for him let's blah blah blah um but 10 would be like i don't want to talk to you and i'd be like okay like it was like the sweetest like quiet like i wasn't like i wasn't like i was like you were like going around grinding i would just be like i would just be like waving and they'd be like

fuck you like the one um that i told i've had to have told this before but the one girl one woman said to me she said um um i don't want to talk to you um why don't you go find a fat girl to talk to awful and I said I thought I was I was so proud of that in the moment but she was she oh it was like weird things like that where it would be like really

fine and people would be nice humans and then once in a while you'd be like it must have something to do with you being so good in character that they just kind of want to play along but they don't know how to play they don't know how yeah that's what it was you were so good i was so but it was funny it was funny as the run went on it was funny because we like there'd be just a dance like music would be playing and people would be you know you're supposed to be interacting and as that run went on i would come i would go backstage you know, wherever we were all hanging out.

And I would be like, everyone would be there for so long. People were just hiding backstage, like not wanting to interact. Just let them drink and eat. Yeah. That's tough. That reminds me of, the hardest part I think I remember about dinner theater was playing to this group of adults that brought a 13 year old or something. Cause I was fresh out of college. I still felt like I'm one of you. I'm a kid, right? You know, like we're cool kids. And he was just like, please don't talk to me.

Old scary lady. And I was just like, oh, I feel like a loser for a second. Yeah. Kid's not into it, but I mean, I sold it and I just didn't, I just ignored him the rest of the time. You know, the worst thing I did have one other job though was interactive. That was like two or three years ago here just for like a month or two. It was like this, like basically this like puzzle.

It's like actors are throughout the city and like it's a scavenger hunt type thing. And so each place they go, the group goes, there's like an actor to give them the next clue. Right. Right. Right. It was, it was awful because most people were stationed at like nice, a nice old bar or like this thing.

I was stationed at the Brooklyn bridge. Rain or shine. I knew you were going to say that. Outdoors. Rain or shine. Brooklyn bridge, crazy man in a costume. Just being like,

just sitting there with a box like and like and like hoping the bench is free that day and it's not that busy and then looking for a group of people it was i was so embarrassed i hated it so much that's what we should talk about that embarrassing jobs like tough ones well you did a lot of jobs all at once so say that one more time you were i did i did i was a substitute teacher at my old high school and then during the day and then i did dinner theater at night on i think fridays and then saturdays and sundays i did the nightclub and then tuesdays and thursdays no yeah tuesdays and thursdays i did the restaurant but i kept asking for a certain day off to do the mic so i

was like let me have wednesdays and thursdays so I can do the mic on Tuesday and they fired me and the reasoning was like you kept asking for the same day off and I was like yeah but it was for comedy and I was like Barbara always asked for Thursdays off and he goes she has kids like so it was just like you're a twerp and you should do whatever job we give you yeah but I still cried in front of him I was like you're firing me and like the tears and he didn't he just told me not to come in i was in the restaurant and i was like hi how are you and he goes actually uh hey how you doing i we gotta let you go you're just taking you're taking the same day off every week and i was like yeah it's for my open mic and he's like you can't do that you got no reason to do that you know and i was like well she takes her day

off he's like well she's got kids and you don't and you just okay oh my god are you really firing i did i said that are you really firing me and he goes yeah and i just remember feeling tears and then he said he either said like give me your i have my apron so he goes i'll take that so i had to take my apron off it's like a cop with a gun and a badge put your badge gun in your badge the knots stuff Can you help me get it off? And that giant. Take your pad of paper. Take your pad of paper.

What's that pad thing? It's like a, it's a laminate thing that has the checkbook in it. Yeah. We always had one of those with the pen inside. So yeah, I had to give him that. And then he just left and I just stood there in the vestibule with the sunlight coming in. And then I drove home and I got over it.

But I was just like if rejection always feels bad even if it's of a job you're like i don't know if i've ever been fired in my life that would that would upset me yeah you get let go and it was gentle i guess in hindsight but it didn't feel good i was like but one job i had that you reminded me of that was tough in new york city uh my friend asked me if i wanted to be a princess at a birthday party and tiana was a princess like the one black disney prisoner princess they had what movie was that the princess frog and the something yeah the one that nobody cares about because they didn't put enough love into it the something the princess i watched it and i was like this is my least

favorite disney movie so yeah so um it was fun that first of all the kids don't know what they're just like an audience that doesn't know you know with stand-up too they're just like what do we do so you have to give them something to do the woman who invited me was a clown a party clown and she wanted me to help her out and just like the whole thing was fine but the kids lost interest at some point and I stayed in character and I had high energy and I think it was nice. But then at the end, watching my friend pack up her whole caboodle in a giant trunk and carry it to

her car, I was like, I can't do this. Yeah. I can't do this ever again. Yeah. So yeah, it wasn't like humiliating.

It just was like, yeah, all the adults were smirking like oh what are you doing here yeah yeah you're a princess huh yeah yeah there's something where because you feel bad on multiple layers whenever i've had that kind of thing i'm like i feel bad that i'm judging this thing kind of but i do feel uncomfortable and i do feel embarrassed. And so it's like a weird thing where you're like, I'm not above it, but I don't like it. I know I'm not above it, but I'm sitting next to it and it smells bad.

But this is lame, right? It's just there's been a miscalculation and part of you want to be like, you want to be like, you can just give me the money and I'll go home. Because I think we don't all have to suffer through this. Yeah, the kids aren't getting much. It's not disney world no one's clamoring for a photo next to me you know i'm not snow white i'm not instantly recognizable and so it was just like

all right kids it felt like babysitting i was like everybody look at me now princess diana's gonna do this you know and it wasn't like do your catchphrase or i love you you know the kids wanted a picture after it was all over. Like, yeah. You want a picture with me? And how old were the kids? They were like,

it felt like they were about seven, six to six to eight. Cause they were getting their faces painted. If they had been five, they would have like loved it. I feel like, like, like when there's kids,

like it's tough to calculate. Are they still in awe? Or are they like, how old's your, how old's your daughter? She's four now. She's four now. Yeah.

You're right. I, I honestly, and I didn't have a sense of kids four now. She's four now, yeah. You're right. Honestly, and I didn't have a sense of kids at the time I was in my 20s, so they could have been four or five. In hindsight, I don't remember. None of the kids talked to me. I was just some weird grown-up to them, you know? Have you given her like a big birthday yet, like a cool birthday?

No, we were going to try to do a cousin birthday in Indiana. I'm sorry, that sounds like the worst birthday I've ever heard in my entire life. A cousin birthday in Indiana. Share it with all the cousins. You know, it's like, that's too many people. We can't have all the cousins. Yeah. I'm about to overshare again. Well, the thing is we live in New York and a lot of the family that is her age is in Indiana. So they're not coming out here anytime soon it's just like too much to think about to try to get anybody on a plane over to New York so we do the trek out there and I don't know Luke I think just wants her to be able to connect with her cousins he's like he either he either says it's something I had as a kid I want her to have or he said I never had it and I can't remember which one it was like did he always have cousins or did he never have I think it's always good.

I'm not super close to any of my cousins. But that was going to be the theme. And yeah, and it didn't, it was over the holidays right when Omicron hit.

The theme is cousins. It's cousins, cousins party in Indiana. Family and love and wholesomeness. Each played as one of your cousins' faces. Trust me,

they were both disappointed when it couldn't happen. I'm not connected to my cousins anymore, so I was just like, they don't. If I had't happen i'm i'm not connected like to my cousins anymore so i was just like oh my god if i had a cousin birthday now it'd be like one guy from the army one guy who has a weed company in seattle party today i have one no one would speak the whole party i have one cousin who on facebook all she does is post uh does anyone know the cvs hours like just like posting about like hours

of things where i'm like i can't imagine having the ability to type that sentence but you can't type it into google like it's just it's like always questions about the hours of things of things being open and it's just funny because that's all i that's all i get updates on her life is like is this open because birthday, she'd be like, are these plates from CVS? What time did you get these? Which one did you go to? Because I know they're ours.

Yeah. And so because Omicron was just spreading rapidly, we came back home and did a Zoom birthday instead. We thought it would be more responsible. You found the one birthday worse than the cousin birthday. A Zoom birthday. Zoom cousin birthday. It was really beautiful was really beautiful though i mean honestly it was really nice for her to feel special how many cousins are we talking about um how many her age one two three four five five okay yeah and then they start getting older but under the tween age then there's six seven eight nine if i was a 12 year old cousin going to my four-year-old niece's Zoom birthday,

I'd be like, Mom, please don't make me do this. I go to Zoom school all day, and I got to go to a four-year-old's Zoom? I even poo-pooed Zoom birthdays. My friends who had kids, they're like, sign in to my Zoom birthday. I'd be in the middle of grocery shopping, show up, and be like, happy birthday, sweetie, and think it was such a lame thing. But when it's your own kid and you want them to feel special on their birthday, she dressed up.

She got, it was, the theme was bunnies. So she wore bunny ears and I wore bunny ears and she got all her bunny stuffed animals together. And some of the family wore bunny ears too, because they got the memo. That's very beautiful. So she loved it. And she kept talking, like, it was just like being on, it was like a TV show for her. She was like, she could see herself and she could like lead the combo, which she liked

to do. So it ended up being, yeah, bunny theme, but no theme before those. No. What do you think about, I was talking with Tova the other day about how tough it is to raise a kid right now. There's not as much socializing. What do you think? Do you read? Like, I don't know if i was a

parent if i was a parent if i would like read a lot of shit about like we saw on tiktok there was a trend for a while of like newborn babies who had only been around their parents and their dog and the they thought that the kid was like imitating the dog because they didn't have any babies to interact with oh like has it been tough have you been zoom school are you worried i've had no point of reference i didn't have kids before it so i don't know but i know that she came up in a time like went from her toddling years to i have full thoughts and i'm potty training now in that era and what that meant was like every single milestone was in closed spaces with a mask,

with regard to germs, having to teach her about like sickness earlier than I thought I would need to like, no, this is why we don't spread germs. And it's all been normal for her. But it's just been an extra extra added layer of stress to a time that I think for any parent is already stressful, like just adjusting. So the socialization thing is funny. Like she started preschool and they had all these covid protocols and they're like you know we promise it'll be safe so we sent her in and

every day she'd come back over the report of like she's bit somebody she's kicked somebody she punched a teacher and she does not do this at home so she punched the teacher she punched she would do anything mostly to the teachers you know she kicked and bit and punched a teacher before and so they would be like you know is something going on at home and i'm like yeah that what is you know uh-huh pretty much what you're describing what do we do like i was i had to learn about disciplining you know like so hard what do we do what don't we do and she wasn't used to other grown-ups telling her what to do and so she would test them the way she tests me you know and at home if you don't punch mommy and then you read a book what's the right way to deal with this and then

you deal with it but like it was just i was just feeling defeated like is it because she's not interacted with people and and then like i was so worried is she gonna get not bullied but pushed out of the way like it's just she would push kids it's not like she would be doing the pushing yeah you push her you're gonna get pushed back you, and then not have a nice gentle mom be like, uh, this is why we don't do that. And this is, you know,

you know, what's, what are you feeling right now? What's process this, you know? So, but the school ended up being fine by week two. She,

she had, she knew every kid's name. She had friends, people that she really liked to see. And the teachers were not mean, scary disciplinarians to her. But that first week was rough. Like every day, I was not a kid with a lot of friends and my mom definitely went through like a couple faces of like wanting me to make friends but what do you what do you do

how do you how do you make someone make friends how many i'm curious because i've tried to i've been working on a bit about it how many books on parenting did you read leading up to having a kid? Any? Okay, I owned several and I didn't finish any of them, but except one about sleep training. So yeah, what's the last chapter was how to stop your kid from biting their teacher. You're like, fuck, fuck, I should have read that.

I honestly put it on the teachers to figure out. I was like, you've seen this before, right? Like, I totally don't know how to finish. That's why we pay them so much. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they were like, it'll be fine. Like they wanted to make sure this before right like i totally don't know how to finish that's why we pay them so much yeah yeah and they were like it'll be fine like they wanted to make sure she wasn't having some kind of like dysregulation problems of like you know is she watching you guys fight every day or something but they were you know and that's so embarrassing they were very tactful but i could tell they were

just like this is the one we're having issues with and we wonder why you know and i was just like i don't know is that is she just naturally spicy i don't know and so um the answer was she had not been used to sharing toys she was was not used to other people not listening, her not being the focal point. So if other kids wanted to talk, she would just shut them up. And she'd be like, it's not your turn. It's my turn to talk. And that was rude and annoying.

And then she was not used to being disciplined by adults that weren't me. And dad. So she just showed the worst of herself. Like, I hate this. And she would say this. She'd come home and be like, I hate hate school don't make me go back there i'm like you're three and a half who says that i expected that and she's 10 maybe or you know 12 but geez i being an only child i think you do i had such a weird experience where because my parents were divorced i was an only child at my dad's house and so like i was you know king of

the castle and i would go to my mom's house where like my stepdad didn't give a fuck about me and i had siblings and it was just like it was just it was very jarring and i liked my dad so much more yeah so i just like raising an only child i think it would be such a tricky balance of just like because i don't think i would want to be a big discipliner because I don't, you know, I certainly, my stepdad, he'd do like a hand slap, never to me, but to my siblings. And then I would never do that. But then I could see my kid being just like biting teachers. I could totally see my kid biting teachers. Yeah.

Yeah. One book that's helpful. I don't know if anybody is writing this down, but how to listen. Okay. They don't need to. How to listen. No, how to talk so little kids will listen. There's a famous book,

How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk. That woman's daughter wrote a book about toddlers, so age two to seven, how to talk or yeah, how to talk so little kids will listen. And it's been eye-opening. What's like the thesis? Like how are you supposed to talk? The way will listen and it's been eye-opening what's like the

thesis like what how are you supposed to talk uh the way you'd want to be talked to essentially like like if you're having negative feeling parents don't usually like to hear their kids say negative feelings i hate school i don't like that person i don't want to eat peas again so usually the inclination of a parent is to shut it down and be like oh come on peas are great for you you'll lecture them or you'll disagree right away and be like oh well you know if you eat macaroni then you can have if you eat these peas you can eat your macaroni like threats and all this stuff yeah none of the any i was doing all of that and none of it was working it was just kind of like a cycle of just like complain complain me getting frustrated so i don't want people if i'm saying

like i had a hard day at work then be be like, oh, come on. Sure. Buck up. Sure. If you go to work, then you can treat yourself to this. Be a good girl. You know, so kind of hearing the feeling, listening and identifying with it. Like, yeah, you don't like peas. They taste gross.

They're mushy. The weird color is weird. It's the only green thing on your plate. You know, like you identify with what they're talking about. Then they feel listened to. So they calm down. They're like, yeah, yeah. Then you can, um, there's a lot of different methods.

But then when do they eat the peas? How to get them to do it. There's different tacts. I make a lot of things talk. That's one of the things, if you can make it playful. Peas perspective is, oh man, there's a party in your tummy. I got to get in there. Um, that, that works really well with her. She's like, come on in.

They're having such a good time um another one is that i could eat those peas before you can oh yeah i beat you and you're like yeah you beat me oh you are good you are good and so it's i think it would be shocking like how much this would work on adults as well like i feel like i feel like like when we talk about like i think about this all the time with the way that we tell people to get the vaccine, where I'm like, we're doing the wrong, the approach of just like, you're an idiot. You're stupid. You're a murderer. And I'm like, it's this kind of stuff where I'm like, the messaging needs to shift.

Biden should, I think Biden should be like, I'm going to take all this vaccine for myself. I'm going to take all these shots. I'm going to get another booster. Only Democrats can have the shot now. Yes. I've heard that, yeah. Someone made a TikTok. They said if they had called Pfizer the Trump vaccine and the Democrat vaccine,

that everyone, they would all just get this one. Yeah, pick one or another. And it's one of these things where like the the rational is the enemy of the getting things done like it's just i think that book fauci needs to read that book yeah yeah maybe and i think one thing we're missing in that is you're not just trying to manipulate or trick and you're not certainly want to expend all of your energy just to get something simple done it's about like identifying with the feeling so in the vaccinated case if everybody's saying well we just don't know how it'll affect us in 40 years, it might help to identify

with that feeling of fear or whatever. It's like, yeah, that is a scary thing to not know. And you got to weigh your consequences. You know, instead of just, not that I would. There's a thing though with parents, going back to the kid thing. We all probably all remember being a kid

and being like, that is not a good answer to why I can't do this like there is a thing of like of like feeling not heard and being like I know I'm not articulating this because I can't do it but like but you can't when you're not feeling heard it very frustrating

that's all they want you know you see it so often parents just shut it down without hearing I would say like there's a polio vaccine already in you and they're lonely. You want to get the other, get the, he wants a two friends, get him a Johnson and a Johnson. They want to have sex. Exactly. Yeah. And I'm not finished with the book yet. So there is a point where you have to, you have to get to a point where it's like, well, what if you wanted them to do it?

And you don't have to, you want to be a theater person all day. You know, you don't get to a point where it's like, well, what if you wanted them to do it and you don't have to, you want to be a theater person all day, you know, you don't want to just create voices or whatever. And, and you know, it's about dealing with that negative feeling. It's like,

no, this is unfair. And you have to be like, yes, I think I'm going to read this book. I got to tell you, I've been thinking of what book do I want to read? And this was the first time I'm like,

yeah, these are good skills. Yeah. You're going to see me doing it with you. These other extra Patreon episodes are lonely. You're going to notice how understanding he's becoming to you.

I'm non-confrontational. Alright, I love that. Well, let's move on to our next segment. Russell, I have forgotten to put in the sound cues, so again, I'm going to rely on you to sing our next sound cue. This has got to stop. This has got to stop.

Felt more aggressive than normal. Felt like you were taking something out on me. But this has got to stop. Abby, do you have anything that's got to stop? It's got to stop. Ageism. I don't think anyone does ageism right. I've been practicing ageism for a long time.

Tell me what I'm doing wrong. Here's what you're doing wrong. You're forgetting how it feels to be you at every age. Okay. So ageism always makes sense. Like even the age I am now, like a peer of mine said, older people should not vote.

Like when you're past a certain age, 70 plus, you should not get to vote you're past a certain age 70 plus you should not get to vote because you are you don't have a vested interest you're not going to be on this planet long enough it felt very i don't know john mulaney had a bit it's like ordering for the table and then leaving okay oh okay i haven't heard his bit but it's not it's not a bad idea but it's just like yeah i get that from my perspective now at this age but when i'm that age and i still feel like i have my mental faculties and i'm invested in this world and i've maybe dedicated my life to civil service or whatever i haven't then i would want to i would want my

vote to count so just that kind of problem with it um well okay so let me because i think when i see an example of like where it feels like is ageism appropriate here, where we look at so many of our politicians and they are so fucking old and they will be on TV and they'll have moments where you're like, it feels like you should be in a home and you're the leader of the free world. Or just at home and and their teeth are falling out and they shit their pants wait you these are these are things that have happened in the last like year you need to give like like less about looks more about what they're saying do you mean sure because you're like you're just saying you don't want to see an old person on no

no but but i'm saying like I'm saying like if, sure. But like it's going to be tough to do legislation if you're shitting your pants. It's more about brain stuff. Well, obviously it's complicated. People accuse Biden and Trump of both having brain issues. And frankly, they're of the age where they both might be. And sometimes it feels like a denial of death. And some of these people you're like, I, so I think that's why there is a certain degree

of like people feel like, is this appropriate ageism? So how do you feel in that example? I just don't think we value, well, first of all, the way we look at death is all wrong. And that's part of the problem. You know, if you, if you lead with it being something to be feared your whole life and not talked about, then it's always going to be anything that reminds us of it is going to turn us off which is what wrinkles do and gray hair does to people it makes them go or like you're talking about like losing control of your bowels sure you know i've started i have grays i get grays here

i'm balding a little i start taking things they both have made me very upset, very upset. Right. Because I think subconsciously, you know, or like on a certain level, you understand that this country, I don't know about everywhere in the world, does not value people as they get older. And so, but you know, when you're talking about jobs and in politics and stuff, I think there should be a test every year of, you know, mental faculties and a demanding job like a president's role. I hear you're low on sleep you're traveling all the time you're like a celebrity essentially you're getting carded here and there and you're signing this and that so truly that is

a job of a mentally and physically fit person regardless of their age so you should have to pass those tests do you i hear that they talk about them yeah i don't know listen i think they really have for them for them. Okay. So they can be manipulated, however. So anyway, there's that of the demands of a job. Just like, you know how they kick ballerinas out after they're 35 or whatever. Yeah. I don't know what really happens to their body.

Are they really not capable of doing the job? Are they at risk to like ruin themselves forever? I don't really know. Why just think like. Like wrestlers. Their bodies. If you're in the front row, you can see, you can can see the grays and you paid a lot of money for those chickens again it's you're just like this is why you have a podcast because you're like no one would look

at your decrepit you're right you're right dance isn't a visual medium i'm just saying like if they can do the moves i wouldn't call it what what does it matter their hair color well i think a little but so yes i don't know. Is there anything that you're feeling like it's impacted your life? I think it's just impacted my perspective. I don't know that anyone's stopping me in this art form besides me. Because if I got a no that I didn't agree with, I would just work around it. Hello, I invented a stand-up comedy group that performed twice

because I got rejected from an improv group. That that's my nature is just like, uh, you made the wrong choice. I'm going to go over here now. But, um, I think that, uh, yeah, I, when I got pregnant, I hid it physically. Like I didn't talk about it online. I didn't tell any of my friends and I wore giant shirts and because I was waiting to see if a TV show would get picked up again. And I thought if they think for some reason, my physical, my physical body, my body's going to change or they're going to have to work around maybe me being tired, then they won't be inclined to give me my job for sure. So I sensed, you know, potential discrimination around the corner. I didn't want to ever be that reason you know or make them force their hand to do the wrong thing I know I wanted

them to decide if on ratings alone or whatever they wanted um if they would pick it up so they ended up not picking it up but it was after I had disclosed I was pregnant so I never really got to know do you feel like I mean I imagine women in in on camera have to deal with this all the time i mean do you feel like you know other people in the arts or in in in front of the camera who like didn't tell until they had to about pregnancy or their age i still don't talk about my age specifically like birthdays are not fun to celebrate because of the stigma i put in my mind of sure every because it's like, once you say the number, then people then compare what you've been doing.

Did you do enough? I don't know about people, but I say in my mind, did I do enough? There was a woman who I believe she sued IMDB because they started listing under her bio the year she was born. And she said, this is gonna hurt my, she did mostly commercial work, I think.

And she said, it's gonna hurt my commercial work and she lost the case because you it's tough to be like don't say things but it's yeah but i understand the fear for sure yeah i do think there are consequences but you can't buy into them and you i'm perpetuating it as long as i don't disclose like certain things about myself but but I really do feel like when it matters, I'll do it. Like I, my most recent, um, on camera job was to host up early tonight on Hulu, which is a late night talk show for parents. So then it was important that I was a mom and I really could dig deep into everything about my home life and stuff. But if I hosted a show where I'm with a male co-host, we take off the wedding ring.

Are they together? Who knows? Are they a sex symbol? Separate them. Now they look even more. Did you do that? Yeah. Yeah.

That's like, that's the unspoken rule of you don't need this or wear your ring. Talk about your husband, mention him by name. Like they're very specific. I had a job where they were like the audition. We love you. Love your energy. Are you willing to dye your hair? And I was like, yeah, of course name like they're very specific I had a job where they were like the audition we love you love your energy are you willing to dye your hair and I was like yeah of course and they're like but the fact that they asked me I was like but why why do I have to you

know yeah I've got a gray streak coming in and if I like spread it apart it just the whole it's a fountain of gray um and I think that would be cool there's a comedian on SNL who rocks gray hair yeah yeah so that could just become a trend where you're not just dying it gray on purpose but you're just letting your hair be and people are still remembering oh yeah you're in your 30s or you're in your 40s you know but i don't like i don't know ageism i think we all have it in us of course of course i mean truly i mean i mean oh sorry i do think what you said though the about remembering how you felt at that is very important. Cause there's,

it goes both, you know, sometimes as someone like, I hate to, when people my age are like, like rolling their eyes at like people in their twenties or, you know, like there is a thing that goes always like,

yes, we're all doing, you know, but, but yeah. Yeah. How capable you felt in your twenties. Yes.

You had fully formed thoughts and feelings. Yeah. But yet now at this age, you can look back at a 20 year old and be like, oh, I've heard people now be like, it's people saying like Gen Z is crazy. I'm like, what do you mean? Gen Z is crazy. That's like, that's a huge swath of people you're talking about. Yeah.

Yeah. And they had a real rough college education. It was all on Zoom. Yeah. Right. Right. So. Yeah.

And you start any of those wars between like general. It's like so boring because you're like, it happens all on zoom yeah right right so yeah any sort of any of those wars between like general it's like so boring because you're like it happens all the time like literally well people still call gen sometimes people call gen z people like millennials and you're like no that's not they're not millennials anymore yeah that's just the word that you have for young people i don't for liberals for like people who are in their 40s 30s it's for people who don't get married at 22 and have kids it's very strange i've heard someone my age be like these millennials i'm like you are a millennial you're just talking about you're like you're like the earlier the mid-millennial you're not stay that

way it's not just everyone's a millennial that's young forever right right right right so yeah so fix the way we look at death and um also fix the like the the caliber of like of just valuing youth and what it looks like because then that gets you into plastic surgery and then there's no win there. It's like, you need surgery. Sure. Oh, you've had too much.

That's just like- Well, then there's all these celebrities that do get plastic surgery, but they have good surgeons, so you can't tell. Right. And then you're just like, God, Paul Rudd has amazing genes.

And you're like, no, no. That's impossible. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's impossible. It's impossible. Gravity of still, something happened. Jared Leto is more impossible than Paul Rudd. How old is he? 50.

49 maybe, but 50 almost. And you know, Paul Rudd's 50. But then what's the other guy? Scott on X-Men. Scott. The guy with the eyes, Cyclops. Oh yeah. Yeah, I know who you're talking about.

James Marsden. James Marsden. Has this thing. You know, these guys. Cyclops. Oh yeah. I know who you're talking about. James Marsden has this thing. These guys take care of themselves. Mario Lopez is looking good. Yeah Mario Lopez. He's looking younger than he did in Saved by the Bell. It's the idea that people aren't allowed to age and that we critique it and we look at it with a fine tooth comb and all that stuff. But anyway.

I'm 47. There I said 47. There. I said it. Yay. Wow. Thank you. Thank you. Uh,

well, let's go on to, our, our final segment, Russell, you gotta count your blessing. That's how it goes, right?

You better count. You better count blessings. Okay. Okay. Sorry. Good work though. I'm, though i'm i'm blessed that you did that that's very sweet do you have a blessing you want to share you go first um okay i uh no i did write down one i um uh you know i've we're recording this a little bit early new year's just happened not too long ago and i'm doing a lot of gifts now and uh my my girlfriend has helped me get gifts for people i i did all the agents and people i got the babkas i got them zay bars sent

them a babka easy gift uh it didn't kill me but everyone has really been very receptive to it way to go and uh i i do i have to for my my co-host, it's a pretty basic gift, but I do want to give you your New Year's gift. Oh, thank you. So I figured, Nicole said you like this one. Didn't you give me this when you came over for Thanksgiving? Well, I have a feeling you drank it already, knowing you, my friend. I'm doing a dryer January.

Thank you so much. Well, when you get to February, you drink that up. Okay, thank you. And a happy New Year, buddy. Oh, thank you. That's so sweet. Thank you. That's so much. February, you drink that up. Okay, thank you. And a happy new year, buddy. Oh, thank you. Thank you. That's so sweet. Yeah. I don't have a blessing like that. How could you not have a, I just gave you a blessing.

My blessing is this Evan Williams. Thank you so much. That's the right one, right? This is the right one. Yeah. And I want you to know that was that that was a, there was a smaller one available. There always is. And you got the big daddy. They brought the smaller one, and I said, no, no, how much is the bigger one?

And they said, okay, what about the one in between? And that's the one we got. Well, this Evan Williams is my blessing. Thank you, John Marco. I really appreciate that. And thank you to Nicole. Wait, what is this? This is for being a New Year?

Yeah, it's just Christmas, New Year's, just a gift. John Marco, I didn't know we were going to do, I feel like I, okay, I'll get you, I'll get you something. I'm not, I'm not going to, it'll be a surprise.

I like, this is very kind, this is very generous of you. I know. And I'm taking it back. Thank you so much. Of course. Appreciate it.

I, and. So your blessing was following through on giving gifts because it's not a habit you had. Yeah, and it's just like,

I just feel crippled with like, I don't know what these people want. And I never normally with like especially like with represent like I've been to their offices back when we used to go to offices and they'd have a hundred bottles of wine. And so you're like, well, they don't need this. And a babka just felt like there happened to be a lot of Jews on my team. And so it just they're babkas and then like candles for assistance and uh she just helped me like kind of parse out my own stress i my mom returned every gift i ever got her you know when i was born she asked the doctor for a receipt and i uh uh good that works and so I I think I don't know if it's that but I've always had an anxiety because of of that and Tova has helped me kind of just get something cool great job and thanks Tova thank you thank you and you have a

blessing to to see us out yeah what? Oh, you know what it is? Is I finally got unstuck mentally and I don't know where it came from, but I would collect Christmas cards, hang them up on a garland. And then when the time is done, I put them or holiday cards, all of them and put them in a scrapbook. I did that from 2006 and then 2010 I stopped. I didn't make the time that year and the following year I also didn't do it. So I started saving them in baggies.

The baggies became a tote bag in my bedroom and now my bedroom is just filled with totes from years and it looks like the beginnings of a hoarder and I just, I ignore it. I can't see it anymore. So whatever reason, for whatever reason, I dug out the scrapbooks. I got some extra scrap sheets. I got glue. You know, I sat down, I dug out the scrapbooks I got some extra scrap sheets I got glue you know I sat down I cleared off the table that's one of the things that always keeps me from doing it like the table's not even clear and I posted them in and um and so I'm not yeah I just started it and

I don't know where that comes from like how you get unstuck mentally and just decide you can do something someday I have a feeling it's like a lot of little building blocks or whatever to it but similarly i have a lot of these like reminders that i've stopped in my life and 2013 i started a mural in my living room and i stopped doing it and it's been unfinished and it's 2022 now so i finally just decided to paint over it it's like that whole i need to finish this someday oh it's not finished yet oh i'm such a so i'm like okay and now i've not looked back like i'm it's i'm free i am free of that yeah that albatross the burden that every day i have to look at when i come home is done and feel like some even if it's a little bit of like oh i need to do that or a little guilt like i didn't finish that and how many years in a row does luke say just throw the book away burn it i don't care

scrap christmas cards you don't care. Scrap Christmas cards. You don't look at these. And I'm like, it's a project and it's not done yet. You know? And so, yeah.

So now I can burn the book because I finished it. My wife throws cards out, like literally opens them up, looks at it and then goes, do you want to look at this? And then if I say yes,

she'll do this. And if I say no, she just throw it like right into the trash. If there's a photo and a magnet, she'll do this and if i say no she just throw it like right into the trash if there's a photo and a magnet she'll put it on the thing for for a few days but like she literally like if a birthday card she'll like open it and it goes she'll open it right above the trash and then just like throw it in right away like it she hates she's like it's such a waste of yeah she sends them too but it's like this thing of like i keep the whole year my friend lindsey

elizabeth hand gave me a nice note when i got the card i looked at my fridge to hang it up i was like oh there's the one from last year and i i was like finally i can throw this one away this one's done now here's this one yeah it's hard to yeah it's hard to let go i think the catalyst was just empty like deleting what's the word when you throw something throwing away yeah not deleting deleting throwing away my planner Because I never filled it And it just became Backlogged of things I was like

I gotta write down That I went to the fair With Z Nevermind Thank god you didn't Fully say it The moment I was like I'm gonna bleep this

Fuck me Fuck me You still have to bleep The first letter Of her name Yeah Is that a serious request? There's a lot of Z's,

a lot of Z's, a lot of Z names. I named her Zebra. Okay. I like Zebras. It's a majestic creature. Zebra. Good,

good. Zebra. Anyway. Yeah. So I was like, yeah, I, I forgot to write this thing down that we did.

And then the next day would go by. I forgot to write down that I went to work out. I forgot to write down that I gave the dogs a bath. And it's like, what do you need to write this for? that we did. And then the next day would go by. I forgot to write down that I went to work out. I forgot to write down that I gave the dogs a bath. And it's like, what do you need to write this for? I threw it away. Yeah. That seems like such a small thing. And I know it's a good lesson for the town.

Somebody's just got to give up. Yeah. What do you guys need to let go before we get out of here? Is there something that's years old? What are you going to let go? Oh, that's good. I like that. Do you have something right?

I have, I mean, God, I have, I have so, like, I need to throw away books and stuff. And I mean, I'm, I'm trapped. My dad has thousands of books and he truly has not finished one of them. And maybe there's a phase he read books, but like now he just starts books and he'll talk about the book. He'll talk about the book more than he's read the book. And there's so phase he read books, but like now he just starts books and he'll, he'll talk about the book. He'll talk about the book more than he's read the book. And there's so many books there. And I have that same thing.

My reading is so fucking terrible. I cannot seem to figure out a book I want to start. I'm always like, it's so, so I, I, part of it for me, I need to get rid of,

I should just get rid of all the books. I'm someone who I should have one book and I'm reading it. And if I stop it, okay, I have a book called a people's guide to capitalism and it's like a book about communism i thought it would be more accessible it is quite academic it's a little bit it's above my intelligence here it is this is a really good way it's above my intelligence and like part of me not reading this book is me admitting that i'm not smart yeah yeah i'm not up to task for this book yeah i need i need more like how to explain capitalism to a toddler a little child and i i keep it i bring it with me to travel and it like you know it hurts my back it's by my bedside i

bring it to me when i go to my girlfriends i never read this book that speaks to me i get that yeah yeah you hate it i and i i you know i i want to be a leftist and i want to understand it all and i but you don't want to read that book and i it's really that's something i have to let go and as i'm saying it i know i'm not going to in fact now i'm saying right now and i'm like no you know what you know what i need to do is actually read it that's how it works in my brain it's also okay to decide you just don't like it it's not enjoyable to you and that's enough of a reason to say don't like it. It's not enjoyable to you. And that's enough of a reason to say, man. Yeah.

And it doesn't have to be an indictment on your character or your aptitude. It's just like not feeling it. I'll try a different, the same subject in a different package. I would agree, but I know I'd be lying. Yeah, yeah. You have to come to that conclusion probably. I think when I'm in my 40s. Russell. When you're exactly 47

years old um there's a drawer in our house that has this pile of pennies and nickels that i at one point told nicole three years ago that i liked doing i liked putting the the pennies and nickels in the little wow i don't know why i said that. I maybe felt that way that day. Maybe I felt like I did like doing that. That seemed like a hobby I could do. Like, and so every once every four or five months, Nicole pulls out this bag of pennies.

Nichols says, are you going to roll these? I thought you liked doing it. Like, and are you going to do it? And I'm like, Oh yeah, I'll do it this weekend.

And I just never do it because if i'm being honest i don't like putting those little pennies next time it's your birthday and nicole's like don't worry i'm gonna plan the day for you i should just take it on the train and give it to the first homeless person. Like I should just, I don't, I hope they go. I don't like to do this. No,

that's tedious. Yeah. I got better use of my time. I don't know. It's not even that much. It's not like it's going to be hundreds of dollars. It's like going to be like $23 if I do it, you know?

I don't know. So that's a great one. That's the thing where I'm like, but now are you going to do it? I don't know. Absolutely. That's a great one. That's the thing where I'm like, I don't know. But now are you going to do it? I don't know. Maybe having this conversation, opening this door,

maybe this will, I have to do something about it because it is bothering me. It's like, I'm thinking about it too often. We'll check out this next episode. Yeah. Well,

I'm not going to do anything by then. Anything you want to plug, Russell? This is coming out, I think, in time for the February show. What's the February show? It's February 11th. February 11th.

February 11th. Our sketch team, Uncle Function, has a show at Asylum NYC. You'll be there. Right, John Marko? Yes, I will be. Oh, great. I mean, unless, you know, unless a comedy club underneath a bridge in New Jersey wants to be the headline for two people. Okay.

So, yeah, February 11th, Asylum NYC. Asylum NYC. I'll give you a second to look at me. Yeah, happy Black History Month, everybody. Yes. Yes, I was hoping you'd say something, Russell. But I did want to, in lieu of any plugs, say happy Black History Month. And you can see me

February 17th at Lincoln Lodge in Chicago. I will be there February 17th. I'm going to be headlining and if you're there, it would mean a lot

for you to be there. And I have something in March. I'm not allowed to announce it yet, but I will soon. And I could be lying, but that's a cool way to make you feel like things are happening. I don't think you're lying. I can't announce it yet, but I will soon. And I could be lying, but that's a cool way to make you feel like things are happening. I don't think you're lying. I can't announce it yet because it doesn't exist, but here it's coming.

It might be just far enough away in February that if it doesn't pan out, we've forgotten to check in and see what you're up to. Yeah. You can watch me up early tonight on Hulu. You can follow me on Twitter At Curly Comedy If you want to just interact with me And see my jokes

You can go to curlycomedy.com To see where I will perform Live in New York City I don't have any travel plans right now But since we're recording Ahead of the actual air date I can manifest What I hope will be going on

Just pick clubs Give the dates Check me out in a Super Bowl commercial Yeah going on just pick clubs say give the dates check me out in a super bowl commercial yeah um i'm playing alongside tay diggs in a post-holiday classic uh it's like hallmark finally jumped on the bandwagon and decided to make holiday movies with people other than white people yeah um but they're still pairing up blacks only you you know, because they haven't probably got the memo. So check that out.

It's called a Kwanzaa for Kathy. Kwanzaa for Kathy. It's a Kwanzaa for Kathy. It's airing on Lifetime 4 a.m. this Saturday night. I am not the titular character. Kathy is a white person, but you really only see her. I'm the love interest. They pair off with Taye Dix. What else is going on for me?

What happens in February? There's President's Day. We don't have to listen. I'm in a mattress commercial. My daughter is signed on to Disney and you will finally see her face and hear her name and then she will

surpass me financially but check out our next guest next week we got Josh Groban yeah the week after that

someday we'll get him we have Barack Obama yeah Brad Pitt on his apology tour that's exciting what's he apologizing for right now

we'll see sure sure he'll have to stop we manifested that for you Brad Pitt on his apology tour that's exciting what's he apologizing for right now we'll see sure sure he'll have to stop we manifested that for you Brad Pitt he's gotta get in good with the young crowd again

so he's stopping by your podcast so anyway thanks for having me and look for me all those places guys of course and for those of you at home again check out the Patreon

patreon.com slash downside for extra episodes and remember whether you're in your 40s your your 90s, or your 20s, you could die at any second. This is The Downside. One, two, three.

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