The Downside with Gianmarco Soresi - #77 My Condolences with Ian Lara

Episode Date: March 29, 2022

Comedian Ian Lara and guest co-host Jordan Jensen join to discuss what you shouldn't say to someone whose mom just died, taking a dump after your dad passed away, Big Jay Oakerson's legendary funeral set, your cousin using his eulogy to speak out against the vaccine, and just how many people have died from falling air conditioning units. You can watch full video of this episode HERE! Follow Ian Lara on Instagram and Twitter Watch Ian Lara's Comedy Central special, Growing Shame Follow Gianmarco Soresi on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, & YouTube Subscribe to Gianmarco Soresi's email & texting lists Check out Gianmarco Soresi's monthly show in NYC Watch or listen to Gianmarco Soresi's special "Shelf Life" on Amazon & on Spotify Follow Jordan Jensen on TikTok & Instagram E-mail the show at [e-mail] Produced by Fawn Sullivan, Paige Asachika, & Gianmarco Soresi Video edited by Spencer Sileo Special Thanks Tovah Silbermann Part of the Authentic Podcast Network Original music by Douglas Goodhart Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Sure, yeah. I just need to hear the music. Okay, great. Yeah, you can take them all. Happy to have them. All right, welcome, welcome to a disastrous episode of The Downside. My co-host, Russell Daniels, has COVID for the third time. No way. Yes, third time. He went to New Orleans.

And I saw the pictures. It looked like he was trying to get it a third time. It was Mardi Gras. He was in crowds. That's how I got it the first time. The guy I was dating went to Mardi Gras, came back, gave me COVID. Sure. There were times in the beginning of COVID where someone would be like, I just got back from Miami.

And you're like, get the fuck away from me. And it's tough. It's one of those things that people, you know, I'm traveling. I'm taking risks. So I can't judge anyone. No, no. And also, like, I feel like as New Yorkers, we did everything and everyone got it twice. Yeah.

And we followed every rule that they said. Well, you were in L.A. for JFL. Yeah. And it must have been funny because I did in L.A. soon before that. No JFL. Yeah. But it was to go from LA to New York, you're like it was jarring sometimes going around the country and you went to a place everyone was in masks for the taping

and then you come do your Comedy Central half hour here and thank God no one's in masks for that. Yeah. So, Russell, we love you. Well, I love you. Is he really sick? No, he's fine. He's sick? No, he's fine. He's fine? Yeah, he's fine.

He just is a little under the weather. Stop checking. Everybody stop checking. Stop taking the fucking tests. Cut it out. This is how I feel. I'm tired of it. This is who's going to pull this down.

This episode, yeah, it's fucking A. What the fuck? Spotify's going to take this down. I'm so sick of it. I don't have the Joe Rogan polls. Spotify's not fucking around with me. Truly, I've become a Republican. This has been such a battle with me and Ethan,

who's Ethan Simmons Patterson, amazing comedian and nurse. And nurse. That's good. Fight with the nurse, Jordan. You're like, I applauded for you enough. It's time for me to disagree with you. At the Cellar, when it was every single comic was out sick just because one person was like, hey, I had Omicron.

And they were like, well, I guess I should check. And it was everybody's test coming up positive. Nobody's sick. Then one day, I actually am sick. Negative test. Truly, no voice. Feel like shit. And they're like, well, you're coming to work, babe.

You don't have COVID. Sure. I talked to a booker in North Carolina, and someone canceled on their Valentine's Day show. And she was like, yeah, they had the sniffles, and they were playing it safe. And I just think eventually the economics people are going to be like, well, you can push through those sniffles. I mean, I feel like it's like that now. The second time I got it, I was on the road, which was weird. Where were you?

I was in Utica, I believe, upstate. Yikes. And I did, I know, I did morning radio. And they were talking about how much, like how the numbers were upticking there. And for two hours, i just made fun about how it wasn't true and it was a hoax i was obviously joking and no lie as soon as i got back to my hotel room um the driver took me back i was like i feel a little weird i took a nap i woke up i was sick like completely sick brutal brutal was this omicron or the other one? Omicron. Omicron. Was it bad? For 24 hours.

Sure. 24 hours. But I went, I woke up, I took a test. It was negative, so I did the show that night. But I was like masked and I was like away from everybody. But I took a negative. But it was horrible for that night. But then I woke up and I started feeling better.

And then I came back, took a test negative again. Then I was like, I have to take a test. Like, I'm not well yet. I took a test negative again then i was like i have to take it like i'm not well yet i took a third test positive it's funny how it i i think i might have said the story once on this podcast but first time i was hosting at comics mohegan sun on like a wednesday night yeah i was in mohegan you and utica we're better than this what are you guys doing this was this was a week ago this is me and i woke up and i was so fucking sick pre-covid but i was like i must have been flu or something and i was like no jamarco yeah michael jordan when he played that game with

the flu yeah and now if michael if someone played the game with the flu something like that you'd be like this is wildly irresponsible right right right but you get that stage health though like because i went on stage and it was fine you did a full hour yeah fine then like i literally got off and i put my mask on in my coat i have like i'm like the chills i'm like sitting in the green because I went on stage and it was fine. You did a full hour. Yeah. Fine. Then like I literally got off. I put my mask on and my coat. I have like the chills. I'm like sitting in the green room. Stage health is so fucking cool.

Yeah. It's great. It blows my mind. It is. It's insane. I've been like I'm going to get up there and not be able to utter two words. And then you just do it. Sometimes you're better

because your brain is off and you're just lobotomized. You're just like here we go. We're loose. We're loopy. We're weird. We're on Dayquil. Let me introduce everyone. So my fill-in co co-host she hasn't been a guest on yet

but we'll have you on a guest on that too well you know there's a once i get through everyone at the cellar we get to you okay okay and uh we're skipping a third base here we haven't even kissed i'm your co-host now sure so it's a pretty standard date for you i would assume so uh i'm here with uh this is jordan jensen filling in for Russell Daniels. I don't know Russell. Yeah, he's a good guy. You'll meet him someday. But I figured, you know, we've always had good late night chats at the Cellar.

Just late night bitch fest. Well, we also have late night, but yeah, right. It's good for this podcast because immediately. I think we're both like complained in the same way. And this is a complaining podcast. We're cripplingly depressed human beings. And we're also like complained in the same way. And this is a complaining podcast. We're cripplingly depressed human beings. Sure, sure. And we're also hustling all the time.

So then when we see each other, it's like, how's it going? It's awful all the time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we're very candid about that. We don't have that follow up, like awful, like why? Yeah, no, no, no, no. If I said good, what the fuck? Yeah, yeah.

And we're here today with a very special guest. He just had a Comedy Central half hour. What was the name of it again? Growing Shame. Growing Shame, which I have watched. You just did JFL. It's on YouTube if you want to see it. Massed audience. Fantastic set. Tonight show, we're here with

Ian Lara. Hey, man. You want to say something sad so I can play this intro music? Something depressing about your life? Yeah, my mom just died four months ago. This is the downside. One,. This is The Downside. One, two, three. Downside. You're listening to The Downside.

The Downside. With Gianmarco Cerezi. Well, if it's any consolation, you just won the most depressing intro. Intro ever? I am sorry. I'm sorry. It's okay. Four months ago yeah was it uh sudden

uh kind of sudden yes she well it was three months she got sick with cancer yeah and in three months she just ended up passing and were you husband is your dad alive yeah they're married how's he doing um he's all right yeah he's all right as good as you can be yeah as good as you can be do your siblings who who's been who's been there for you the most i'm the youngest of five so we're all we're all kind of like really nice man yeah we're all going through it together that helps a little bit for what it's worth we're all going through it together but yeah it was definitely tough it was like it was the worst three months she was diagnosed and then it just was rapid yeah first week of july and she passed away october 27th so was she feeling it and

then she went and got checked out she she was fine like she was i remember her party like at family parties events as late as mid-june and like father's day june um and she just had a pain in her side and she went to the doctor and it was like it just got worse and worse and worse it was the worst like it was just the worst experience because my mom never was even sick she always like i never saw her sick in my life yeah does it run in the run in the family at all is this like no not really no fucking man yeah what what kind of cancer colon cancer so colon cancer they blasted her with radiation and it was just a rapid she only did two she only did no she did three sessions of chemotherapy but when she got diagnosed it was already stage four so holy shit so she probably

endured a lot of pain it was tough it was just muscle through yeah it was rough yeah it's been a rough year which is weird because like i had all this shit happening in the career and then like trying to yeah with that at home so you see there's some video i think it's it was rough yeah it's been a rough year which is weird because like i had all this shit happening in the career and then like trying to yeah with that at home so you see there's some video i think it's it was like a moth story slam there's some comedian who like he got this night show with johnny carson like the day he got it his daughter was diagnosed with cancer and died and he tells i mean it's it's a brutally moving story but he talks about like it was the peak of every dream happening while his like daughter was dying. Yeah, yeah.

It's rough. It's rough. But it helped me understand a little bit how some artists, in whatever field it is, they can pull some of their best work out of the dark times, the darkest times, because it becomes where that's your only source of happiness. So I can see you digging in,

like, I got to come up with something, or else I'm going to kill myself. Not me personally, but like. Yeah. I need to. I really don't know much about cancer, but I feel like I only hear about like stage one and stage four. I like never fucking hear about stage two or stage three. Yeah.

I didn't know anything like literally this time last year I was in the same spot. You I knew nothing about cancer. Did you do you like like my dad? He had a he had an open heart surgery time last year, I was in the same spot you are. I knew nothing about cancer. Did you, like, my dad, he had an open heart surgery last year. And it was a quintuple. And, like, I've never been good at science. And these doctors start explaining it to you. And I feel myself just, like, glaze over. And I'm like, I don't even understand.

Yeah, yeah. And part of it is, like, how much am I going to understand? Am I going to understand enough to bother the doctor with like well did you try this right and he'll be like please please shut the fuck up yeah yeah i got i mean i i got really educated on it like i i studied like i studied up on it so much that when i would have conversations with the like i remember meeting with a doctor he was like what do you do like he thought that i was like in the medical field just because i knew so much about it oh fuck yeah yeah it's gotta be some semblance of control yeah like you're just like if i if i can wrap my head around it right right i feel like it's taking

me for such a ride right right right my family was like the opposite like my family didn't want to learn much about it because it was the news wasn't good like it was never really good news so they kind of just stayed away from it was like oh we'll just like be hopeful but i like was like let me learn everything i can so i know that we exhaust like every single option sure yeah and and so you had the funeral was it here in in new york yeah we're from new york yeah you grew up in new york yeah and uh are your siblings in the arts at all no did did they process it differently from you like as as an artist did you feel like you're able to like be more expressive are you more expressive than them uh no they were all pretty expressive yeah they were all pretty

like they like we we we're all pretty like open like sure like emotionally like available did you speak at the funeral no yeah no did what Did you want to or did you feel this like. No, I did not want to because I got to tell my mom everything I wanted to tell her. Sure. Before she passed. And I felt like speaking at a funeral was like, who am I speaking to or for? It is weird. I had just started stand up when my dad died.

Yeah. And I was like doing stand up at the funeral. How old were you then? 23. 23. You were doing stand up? at how old were you then 23 23 you were doing stand-up i basically was yeah yeah i mean i was being funny about my dad that's great that's great and i but it was totally bizarre funerals can be hot shows i saw big jay olgerson at our manager the late david kimowitz passing and it like it it changed the way i looked at comedy like the way

he murdered at the funeral like yeah like leveled the room of like old jewish men and women like falling over laughing how funny he was and that was how long ago was that i remember 2019 fucking amen that story was was horrifying yeah that was another tell i i'd never like i never experienced death in my life like for close part at all my manager died in 2019 my grandma in 2020 that story was was horrifying yeah that was another tell i i'd never like i never experienced death in my life like for close part at all my manager died in 2019 my grandma in 2020 my mom grandmother on which side my dad your dad dad's having a tough yeah tough yeah it's been a rough go it's been a rough go um yeah the the speaking especially if you're a performer what did big j do that was so like was he telling stories about him or just big j is just so funny like he like he telling stories

that was funny like he told a couple stories but just his acknowledging of what was going on in the moment was very funny like he did he crowdworked a little bit crowdwork a little bit and it was so funny like when he was like like i remember like his opening line was like he went last because they like the family knew that that wouldn't be able to be followed by like a thing sure up until him was like a very sad like everyone went up and like broke down like his brother spoke his best friend spoke i think his dad spoke and everyone like broke down had these emotional thing and then big j came over came up and he was like man he's like why did they put me to go last like can i speak like after his barber or something like and that would like that opened it up and then he was just from then on he was just like 15 minutes of killing and it was clean i was like you should say clean yeah i was like you should send that to the tonight show

that's so fucking funny yeah he comes up with clean for the funeral we literally like the community i love we we literally walked out and we were like, we like, it changed us like what we thought comedy was. We were like, comedy is like a different thing. Sure. Because you just think it's like some stupid art

that you just do. Like whatever, you go at the comedy club. there's like, if comedy is about the release of tension, what has more tension than a funeral?

Right. And it's like, you're either going to cry or laugh and there's just so much to. Right. Now did he, at the end,

did he wrap it up with like a sweet thing or did he end on a punchline he ended on a sweet thing it was like an applause standing oh type of thing like that was even like he was like he was like um he was like dave was so loved by so many people like including the his all his clients and if you don't know who his client is look at the like five black guys standing in the back i like this and it was just five of us standing back there and they all look like god it was so good i'm like oh man i can't wait for one of my friends to die yeah i mean i mean that's so fucked up that's a tough follow take that back edit that out please editing out takes a lot i'd rather lose all of them i'd rather lose all my

friends and edit no i feel like it would be a lot of pressure because you'd be like you know you'd want to do well for i don't think you can plan it i think i think that's like at my dad's i was like i'm just i'll just say like thanks for coming yeah and then it ended up being i was kind of making fun of him yeah and how long you've been doing stand-up at that point i was brand new my dad had never seen me do stand-up he had yeah so i had just started in buffalo and i started in buffalo yeah is that where you grew up well my friend became paralyzed my best friend became paralyzed from the neck down of course and yep so i moved to buffalo to be near her that's very nice of you yeah for a second i thought it was the other way around your best friend was paralyzed you're like i left buffalo left Buffalo. I was like, okay. I got the fuck out of there.

It's like, there's no way we could be friends anymore. Yeah. So I moved there to kind of just be like, I'll talk to you with your head on the pillow. You know what I mean? That's very nice of you. Yeah, thanks. Accident? Car accident?

A cyst that was growing since she was a baby. And it just slowly crimped her cord. And then I started stand up there. And then it was, she was paralyzed my dad died and it was just like stand up was the only thing that was like keeping me yeah same everything was crazy you know and even right after the funeral i was like they were like you can stay in ithaca with the family because you're in process and i was like fuck no i have to if i don't do stand up i don't know what's gonna happen right but i couldn't talk about my dad dying on stage till like a year later are you talking about it no you're not right no no that's not really like

i also that's not really my type of sense of humor like i don't think like i don't find i at least not yet i don't find humor in it like sure yeah it took a really long time because i remember being like i always talk about what's going on with me who i'm dating what's no matter how severe it is but with that shit i was just you have one punchline though that's like uh was it uh fuck me like so i can forget my dad's dying i have so much about my dad oh yeah alive in that in that bit isn't it so i forget no he died i think isn't it it's it's uh hit my cervix so hard that i forget my father's dying it's me being like once you're in your 30s that's what you're sure sure yeah yeah i just i have i have a lot of bits about my grandparents and like some of them they're all dead and they are all dead

and i lie on stage i like to a certain degree like sometimes i have three grandparents saying that he went on conan he said he had an identical. And he just has a friend who kind of looks like him. Oh, my God. What? Isn't that crazy? That should be illegal. That shouldn't be allowed. That made me feel. When he told me that, I said, oh, fuck. I thought I exaggerated my dad.

No, we embellish. But you can't just make up a whole. That's insane. What are the rules? What are the rules? The rules are, will it catch up with you? My father has been married twice, but he had long-term girlfriends. So I say he's been divorced four times.

Because to me, that's what it felt like. Wait, say it again. What's the truth? The truth is he's only been literally divorced twice. But he got bad breakups. And people who are like my stepmom figures. So I say my mom's been divorced twice, dad's been divorced four times. That's not an identical twin.

And then I have this bit that my dad's a triplet and he's two identical twins does he no i'm joking that's not true at all that i mean that's huge though yeah i had a bit last night i were married but it wasn't legal at the time so they weren't really married yeah that's fine i accidentally revealed that my grandparent had a show last night i revealed that all my grandparents were dead and then i said fuck i was working out i wanted to work on this bit where one of them's still alive for the whole thing to function. I try not to do those type of, because I'll forget. I'll forget that I lied.

So I try to kind of learn. I dissociate if I lie. Like lately I've been saying I'm going through a breakup, which happened in November. And I dissociate. As soon as I start lying and I'm like, the breakup is it? And I'm not really going through a breakup right now. I'm completely over it. I start divorcing myself from the jokes and I'mate. As soon as I start lying and I'm like, the breakup is it, I don't, and I'm not really going through a breakup right now. I'm completely over it. I start divorcing myself

from the jokes and I'm not, but if I like, like. Well, it's hard. You have a lot of dating material. I have a lot of material

when I was single and so I always know on stage, once I bring in the, once I say I have a girlfriend, I've now, I either have to preface bits like, so I was seeing this woman

three years ago. Yeah. But I think like with the breakup bits like so I was seeing this woman three years ago yeah but I think like with the breakup stuff like I can I feel like we're all always going through a breakup like so I can convince myself that like I'm going through a breakup even though it's like yeah I'm not like currently but like I will be you know yeah so I'll just take myself there but yeah I remember like now I'm single now but when i had a girlfriend i never i never like i was i had a girlfriend and i still didn't say i never said it in my act you can't say

it yeah i mean i know you say you can't say it but my girlfriend brought a bunch of her friends to see me uh when i was at caroline's and she was like i think her friends were like he didn't talk about you at all and and she she said so i said you know what i'm gonna start focusing on these bits that i haven't been. But I tell her, I'm like, listen, the bits that are going

to be really funny about you and us are not flattering. You're not going to be like, aw, it's not about how, my mom used to complain I only talked about my dad

and then I said some jokes about my mom and she was like, okay, that's fine, you can go back to your dad. Aside from Palufo and Joe List, like if somebody says

they have a girlfriend i'm a caitlin pelufo just so we know it's yeah some of the listeners on here don't know just right i i mean i feel like you have to know like what it is that you do on stage and like who you are like at this point in my life like i don't people don't want to hear about me being happy or like me my relationship like yeah like i look like a single dude they't want to hear about me being happy or me and my relationship. I look like a single dude. They just want to hear about single crazy. Even if you're in a relationship, you just want to hear me talk about crazy relationship shit. Sure, sure. Eventually, I feel like if I get married, then I won't.

But as you're dating, and also, doesn't it suck to go on The Tonight Show and do a joke about a girlfriend that's no longer your girlfriend? Me and my girlfriend went out, and's like she cheated on you with like your brother i i thought all the time when my dad had this heart surgery i talk about my dad a lot and i do not want to preface it with so my dad died yeah but let me try to take you out of this funk and i i would i would just say you know i would say it without that i can lie on stage you're old you're old now if you say your dad's dead, people are like, yeah? Yeah. Just so you know.

Oh, you have nothing? Not even an oh? Not really. I mean, I've been doing dead dad jokes for, what, five years now? Dad don't get the same as mom. Mom will always get like a, oh, my God. You know what's so funny? Because sometimes for jokes on Instagram or whatever, I'll hashtag mom and dad.

And mom will have like 25 billion people have used that hashtag for dad it's like 1 billion yeah it's just a very visceral like oh yeah we're we talk about this more we care dad don't get your mom i mean you could be 95 and you're like i just lost my mom they're like oh my god are you okay oh i think it's interesting we've had a lot of of uh guests on here whose dad has has passed away and i haven't heard too many people where the mom passes away. Yeah. First. There is a lot of comedians, though. One time,

it was an awkward thing. Not awkward, it was a weird thing. One time we were sitting at the comedy cellar and it was four comedians at the table. It was, I won't say the name,

but it was four of us. And I just sat there and they were just like, oh, how was your holiday? And I was like, oh, you know, it was a rough holiday. It was the first holiday

without my mom. She had just passed or whatever. And then all four of them was like, oh, I lost my mom, I lost my of, it was rough holidays. The first holiday without my mom. She had just passed or whatever. And then, like, all four of them was like, oh, I lost my mom. I lost my mom. I lost my mom. And you had no idea. Yeah, we were all just kind of going. And then another comedian walked in.

He's like, what are you guys talking about? We was like, dead moms. He's like, I lost my mom. Next time someone says, how do you get into the cellar? Say, you're not going to like this. Yeah, you're not going to like this. Oh, my God. Yeah.

But we were all kind of talking about, like, the grieving process and, the stages and shit but yeah it was weird to like see so many people people you wouldn't even think like yeah i lost my mom yeah bumble knows it's hard to start conversations hey no too basic hi there still no what about hello handsome who knew you could give yourself the ick? That's why Bumble is changing how you start conversations. You can now make the first move or not. With opening moves, you simply choose a question to be automatically sent to your matches. Then sit back and let your matches start the chat. Download Bumble and try it for yourself.

Mama, look at me. Vroom, vroom. I'm going really fast. I just got my license. Can I borrow the car, please, Mom? Kids go from 0 to 18 in no time. You'll be relieved

they have 24-7 roadside assistance with Intact Insurance. Mom, can we go to Nana's house tomorrow? I want to go to Jack's place today. I'll just take the car.

Don't wait up, okay? Kids go from 0 to 18 in no time, don't they? At Intact Insurance, we insure your car so you can enjoy the ride. Visit Intact.ca or talk to your broker. car don't wait up okay kids go from zero to 18 in no time don't they at intact insurance we insure your car so you can enjoy the ride visit intact.ca or talk to your broker conditions apply well let's talk about uh because you grew up in new york yeah and i i uh i always wish i'd grown up in new york where were you born i was born in brooklyn and then i moved to queens when i was like 11 12 and what's what was the difference between those two places?

We literally moved like two miles away. I was at the border of Brooklyn and Queens, and then we moved to the border on the Queens side. Got it, got it. So it wasn't like a huge move. But I mean, I was in East New York, Brooklyn, which it was real hood. And then in Queens, even though it was like a mile away, it was like a little more suburban. And now, I mean, I'm sort of being fussy. Describe, what does hood mean? East New York, like you haven't seen it yeah not brownsville i mean that's another hood brownville is super deep

it's more down more down atlantic um east new york is right by like right by jfk is at the end of brooklyn where brooklyn meets jfk um east new york in the 90s in the 80s and 90s is one of the worst neighborhoods ins in New York I don't know if you Ever seen the The documentary The 7-5 No I haven't seen that one

About the precinct And it was like The most corrupt precinct In America Yeah Yeah that was the precinct For my neighborhood Great

Yeah It was so much drugs And like crime over there And it was like You know In the 80s and 90s It was like The crack was like

I was born I came up in the 90s But my family told me Like crack was like Running you know, in the 80s and 90s, it was like the crack was like, I was born, I came up in the 90s, but my family told me like crack was like running rampant through the hood. When did crack start? What year, like what was the big crack? I think the late 70s, mid 80s, it was like on everybody. I just moved from deep Crown Heights and it still is fucked up over there.

Yeah. It's like the divide between like low-income housing and then Hasidic Jews. Yes. Who never, I mean, it's great it's like the divide between like low-income housing and then hasidic jews yes who never i mean it's insane yeah the hasids just own these buildings and they run the price up and they run people out and they're like i mean half the houses over there like slum houses yeah another million dollar homes yeah it's it's completely nuts i mean we like leave and who owns the slum houses so they're they're pushing up the prices the hasidic jews are pushing it up yeah so then people have

to leave and just find places to to like squat but the hasidic jews i mean i hate i mean the hasidic jews are renovating these places to bring up their but there's the renovations are like paper thin yeah horrible spackle yeah that if you just touch a wall like crumbles yeah yeah all a bunch of bullshit i remember like where i grew up like around the block of my house i remember being like seven eight years old was the headquarters of the latin kings gang and the latin kings tell me i don't know anything about that particular they were huge in new york they started in new york yeah i believe so they they were huge in new york they started in new york yeah i believe so they started in prison in new york yeah and they were huge in new york

like because it's such a big latino community yeah were you scared were you were you do you ever get a c no one get no i wasn't i wasn't scared i was i was young i was so young and like they they they don't they didn't generally like just go around doing crime like you just saw them they used to have yellow flags or yellow that was their their flag what like they would be holding them or they yeah i don't have them like you know wrapped around their face wrapped around their head wrapped around just be a lot of yellow flags the house had a lot of yellow flags on it did your parents move you because they were like well he's 11 now he's getting of age to yeah they were like my mom and dad were just like we we gotta

you know we gotta get them out because as hard as you try you you know you get you you start going outside it's easy to fall into that like well what about your older siblings because how much older are they i'm the youngest of five by a lot my my oldest my oldest sister's 18 years younger than me i mean 18 years old wow that's a big that's a my other sister's 15 my brother's 10 and then I have one sister that's one year older than me okay are you close with her? I'm close with all of them

yeah really the 18 that's a huge difference that would feel like an aunt or an uncle to me just the that's my big sister I mean yeah

it's kind of like a she's kind of it's kind of like a mom figure kind of because she kind of she was so you know but yeah no yeah we're all close

once you get to that age it's it's you're able to respect them as like an elder. Yeah. I feel like my sister is like six years older, which is just old enough to be like, bitch, you don't get to tell me what to do. Yeah. But you know what I mean? But not close enough to be buds. You have one sister?

One sister. Yeah. And it's so. Well, Hispanic culture, like you got to respect elders, even if it's like a year or two older. Like you it's very like, a year or two older. Like, it's very, like, deference-based. Even to, like, your year-older sister? Yeah.

Like, there's deference to her? Yeah. How so? It's always, like, that's just the structure of, like, how you're raised. Because they raise you, like, in the event of something happening to the elder, it's clear who the next person in charge would be. And is that because it's just there's been a longer time period where it's more volatile where they might need to take over they might need to like i'm not sure why i think it's just a tradition of how it is like my mom was the head of the family like and now my sister is my oldest sister is the head of is it is there more women as the head of the family in this or is it just like of like of the siblings of the family in this? Of the siblings. Of the siblings, yeah.

Got it, got it, got it. Now as my sister. And the aunts and stuff, they've aged out of being able to be in control. You know, to control the family. Because they've gotten older. So now they don't have the energy to keep it together, keep a family together. So now my sister's the head of the family. Did it feel like she was the head

when it came to the funeral? Who, my mom? No, yeah, with your mom's funeral. My sister? Was your sister like... Yeah, for sure. Really? Yeah, she was the head when it comes to everything, yeah.

I mean, that's what I think about with... Because I have divorced parents and on one side I have three other siblings and on one side I have one sibling. Yeah. And it definitely, when I think about my parents getting older, it's like one of these three siblings,

I'm like, oh, we have a support system. And then the other two, I'm like, it's just me and her fucking in the wild. So at least four siblings. Yeah. A support system is very important. Like, we were very together. And that, like, it changed my, I don't know if it did it for you also, but, like, it changed that really. I know I sound like the big J, but this really changed my, like, how I view stand-up comedy.

Like, going through those last few months, like more than more than the Tonight Show, more than any credit. Like it solidified my feeling of like, no, I'm a comedian, like the confidence that I was able to get just because I was going through such like a dark time in the daytime and then just coming and performing at night was like really like, oh, you're a comedian. This is a job. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This is a job. That you have to do.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's so crazy i totally agree right i used to have a thing like i used to have a thing i mean i guess we all have it where like you ever be on stage and then like people you respect are in the room so it kind of makes you feel like weird about like how you perform like you really want to do well like you want to impress them like because you know you want them to think you're funny and you kind of feel like an imposter in front of them even though they probably feel the same way you know it's just a feeling i used to feel that but after this like i kind of it doesn't feel that way like it doesn't feel that

way at all like i don't care who's in the room i'm like no like i i belong here like this is my thing and like the credits didn't really do that for me it was just kind of like being able to perform because i thought i would have to quit comedy really well not quit but i just was like i thought i'd never find humor again have you have you uh did you are you in therapy yeah oh yeah did you start because of this no i well i started uh it just coincided i started like seven months ago and then sure sure to that yeah but that therapist is like oh you seem pretty oh fuck okay yeah yeah let's talk some shit right right yeah yeah um yeah therapy helps therapy definitely helps sure

a lot of times i feel like i gotta like i go to therapy and then i gotta relay it to like my siblings like i like they're like going through therapy through me because i'm like really yeah because i'm like you you shouldn't do this probably not a good you know habit that you have you shouldn't do this that's what i would love for my younger sibling to tell me like hey just so you know this habit you have yeah like shut the fuck up i would do the opposite of whatever yeah yeah yeah i mean they're pretty understanding they think i'm like enlightened like they think like oh yeah yeah they think i'm like a yoga enlightened douche were you the funny one in the family i'm one of them but my family's funny but yeah i'm one of them yeah funny guys yeah but it's weird like because even now like my family will see my

stand-up and i'm like they probably don't even like it's hard for your family to see you as funny when you're the youngest because you're just like the youngest sure sure they see me as like a little kid they don't see me as like comedian you know i'd love for my little brother to do stand-up i beg i beg him i say i'll take you on the road really is he funny why would you wish that on him yeah right uh yeah you know he's funny like uh like it's hard to tell like he's into the memes and the whatnot and i feel like he has good taste and he's it's a dark sense of humor yeah it's a very fucked up sense of humor he's a reddit boy yeah i'd be nervous i'd be like you cannot say that on stage you're opening for me that's too dark

for you to make when you came back was it weird i remember like hearing that your mom had passed and then you came back to the cellar and i remember being like i remember saying something in passing i had heard it you know i had heard it and i like you know it's like well i know you enough to be like hey i'm sorry and you don't know if it's like am i doing this for me to like be like hey just i'm a friend yeah or like like you don't know whether you just don't say anything because then you also don't know if someone's like oh okay they didn't i don't know yeah no i know listen i've been i've been you before like i've had friends lose the thing and i've been in that place where you don't know um i i would say that overwhelmingly everybody who i know who has dealt with something like this you it's always like, yeah, you say you give your condolence.

Like that's never bad. Like I'm never going to be like offended by you saying, hey, I'm sorry about like it, whether you're like whether we're close or not. Like it's still I think it's still in good judgment and a good character. If somebody you know is losing somebody to tell them my condolences now i will say and this is like where the comedian in me comes there are people who just don't know what to say and they start searching for shit don't do that like what what do they do just give your condolences say i'm sorry for your loss and that's it you don't have to try to make it better you don't have to try to make it better that's the thing that would piss me off where they'd be like well maybe this is like a moment we don't need we don't need to try to make it better. They try and make it better. That's the thing that would piss me off where they'd be like, well, maybe this is like a moment for you to.

We don't need that. We don't need that. We do not need that. This is just going to make you a deeper artist. And I'd be like, hey, why don't you go fuck yourself immediately? Right. That happened so much where I started. It became funny because it was like, how can you think this is a good thing to say?

He'll always be with you that's what people would say to me don't worry you'll always be able to connect and i'm like who are you yeah like what the fuck are you talking about passed away yeah they're not here that's the problem right right that is the most offensive part of me about like religious thought where i'm like i'm fine with you having it but when you push it on someone it's like that's another thing with my family like the religious thing yeah so who's religious my dad's side very religious and that what religion christian christian yeah christianity it kind of we kind of it kind of was like a little clashy because it's like you know they they really push it like that's what they lean on like so it's

everything is like that like that's like you got to be grateful because this is the plan and this is how it's supposed to go and it's in a better place and all that stuff and you're like but i'm sad though yeah like and they're like but you don't don't be sad and i put that but i'm sad because i lost my mom and i always remember my my stepfather's mom's funeral she was catholic and like it was a catholic funeral yeah where like my mom was more yeah it was more about god god than it was about her. I was like, what are we talking about? It had that old language

where the text is so old that clearly it was a time where there were different gods competing. It sounded like Games of Thrones. There would be lines of she's off to the one true god. I'm like, what is this propaganda for? Who gives a fuck? I remember i had one i had like a my my cousin's girlfriend she came up to me and honestly

i you know when you like sometimes you like people are talking to you and you like i'm not even gonna bail you out i'm gonna let you like oh dig yourself yeah you're just gonna keep like digging in it and dude it just unraveled like it started with like she, she was like, like, I'm sorry. Like I'm so, it was the day of the funeral. She's like, I'm so sorry for like your loss, which is fine. I'm like, yeah. And she's like, how are you doing? I'm like, you know, it's very tough, but I'm trying to like keep going.

I'm trying to stay positive. My mom was like in a lot of pain. And then she's like, yeah. And it's like, she was like so young. And I'm like, yeah, it's tough that she's young. And she's like, and then you, like you're so young and like your like yeah it's tough that she's young and she's like and then you like you're so young and like your career like you're doing so well and then like even now it's like you continue to do well like your mom's never gonna be there she's never gonna see their

accomplishment and i'm like yeah and then she's like but and then like when you get married like your mom's not gonna be at your wedding and then your kids like look at all these little kids you have no kids your mom's not gonna get to see your kids girl bro she just kept digging and digging and digging and at one point like at one point i was like are you trying to make me cry and she was like oh my god no like like that's not what i'm doing at all i'm like you just keep bringing up the worst thing possible and she's like i'm so sorry i just i didn't know what to say like Wow. Wow. That is incredible. Yeah. Just say you're sorry.

That's it. I'm sorry. My condolences. That's it. I wonder what she was trying to do. She must have just been visualizing it. It's like making a movie out of it for one's own entertainment. Yeah.

Remember when you were like, is this when you said, oh, I want to say I'm sorry, but is it for me? Yeah. That is for you yeah sure that is for you to feel whatever you want to feel about it that's not for me i mean you're just bringing up points that like logically i've thought about yeah i know yeah or it's like i think it's like wanting to engage like connect maybe it was to connect with you like on a deeper level like this person wants to maybe close because then she was like she was like my aunt she was like she was like my aunt passed away from cancer and then when she passed away her kids went crazy so like make sure you don't go crazy like oh my god yeah that's insane this is an insane human being i know i told that story i told that story a couple times but there's like

i i kept bringing this up because one of the one of the brightest moments in the whole hell of 2021 for me and my family was in the last two days of my mom's life like we knew that she was going to pass and my whole family got to come and say goodbye to her as she was like able to understand and hear and everybody told her how much they loved her and they got to say their peace and they had to say goodbye if there is a god i feel like that was the only thing that like i was like okay maybe this is the god because other than that was the only thing that like i was like okay maybe this is the god because other than that like i would argue that like i don't i didn't see any mercifulness at all in the last like three months of my mom's life but that was fine but even even in those situations like i kept telling my family like comedy is just such a crazy thing like i'm we're

literally my mom is like on her deathbed and like i'm still there's still things going on that i'm like why why is he doing that why is why is he sure why is he saying this dude i was driving home from my dad that we found out he died my friends driving me back to ithaca and i was laughing and crying back and forth same yeah because you would be crying and you'd be so upset and then like you'd hit like a red light and be like fuck we're just like going to deal with my dead dad right now like we're just that's what's happening and it's so surreal yes and you have to like take a shit while your dad is dying you know what i mean yeah you just gotta live life like i'm still a human being and i'm in the bathroom right now just thinking about my dead dad on the shitter i think it brings out the humor.

My girlfriend had two grandparents die, and I watched both Zoom funerals. But it is funny. Even regular people's eulogies will have, not non-comedians' eulogies, will have a little joke in there. And I think it's because it is part of the, humor is part of the visceral experience. Right. I mean, I have a cousin who got up to say a speech at, like, the wake at the house, and it was, like, anti-vax rhetoric for like 15 minutes no way i swear to god he opened up he opened up like this how he opened he's like he's like i have something i need to say and then he was like i'm not vaxxed and i'm not getting vaxxed oh my god and then he went down like a spiral he went down like a spiral of how him not being vaxxed how he wanted to see my mom but he

didn't get the opportunity because he wasn't vaxxed got it and like the vaccine is messing up people's lives and it's not allowing people to like and did did he did he bring it back around to no he just ended with well he he kind of like went into a story he went into the story but like the story factually was wrong like i was like talking to this i was like that's not true like why he's like he's like embellishing on stories and like not saying the truth he was like he was like he's like she came to me in a dream and said that she was gonna pass away on thursday and i'm like but it was tuesday and he was like just going and going and going i was like she didn't pass on thursday she passed on a tuesday and that it was just like

a spider and like she came to me and she said these vacs it's full of shit that's like the kind of stuff that he was saying like he was like she came to me in a dream it was like you're doing everything right and i'm gonna go home oh my man let me tell you my my grandpa died at the end of 2020, but for his funerals later. And I had a cousin. He served in Afghanistan, and he's stationed in Africa right now. And he wrote in a letter, and it was more about my grandfather. It was like a big pacifist. And it became a letter defending American foreign politics.

And he was like, read this at the funeral? He read it after this funeral funeral and it made me livid and I don't engage with my family. I'm just there to get through it. I'm not there to like make a big stink.

But they were reading this letter and I felt a rage because it was like he said, you know, Grandpa Jack and I, we disagreed

about certain things but I remember when 9-11 happened and we walked over to the rubble and I think in that moment my certain things, but I remember when 9-11 happened and we walked over to the rubble. And I think in that moment, my grandpa understood that sometimes violent force is necessary. And I was like, get the fuck out of here.

Get the fuck out of here. People with a microphone. It's people get a microphone and lose their minds. They do. It's crazy. Because we always have a microphone. We're doing this. That some people, it's like eulogies wedding toast that is

their one of their three chances in life to be like hey no one asked me yeah but the vax is bullshit right right but we're kind of taught like and our thing is like we're kind of taught to be like less is more when you have a microphone like you have to like pick your words wisely you don't just go on a rambling like thing, like for the most part, like they don't have that. So they'll just grab the mic and they're like, all right, here we go.

And they'll just start like speaking from like the top of the head without like no filter. And just, I mean, we saw it like so many times. It was like a couple of times. I mean, even at the funeral,

we like had to like wrap it up, man. Oh, the wrap it up thing. Totally. Yeah. You're giving him the light, explaining the light explaining the

light i mean we would do these like self-help thing my mom was like into landmark and you'd get a microphone and you would like say your story what's landmark i'm sorry it's like a cult where basically it's not really a cult but it's like a self-help yeah uh forum that you go to and at some point you like say things into the mic and i mean these mics would have to be wrenched out of people's hands and they would be like to the last drop and then also i think my dad was a bad guy yeah and it was like you give people the ability to just speak openly oh man people love it and it's weird because like they say fear of speaking is like the public speaking but like once they get going yeah like once they see like because most people think like they think like you go on stage you like stage and people don't laugh, you die.

Nothing happens. Like people just don't laugh. Time passes. You get off stage. You continue your life. That's just what it is. I've never. I didn't know that.

I don't know what that's like. A bombing? Yeah. Oh, I'm sorry. It's through the same five minutes of jokes every time. Yeah. But yeah, but like you give once people like I feel like once people realize that they're like oh I'm just talking

and it's okay and like the floodgates open yeah the floodgates open it's so crazy yeah totally yeah it is

yeah my mom did that at my dad's funeral and my dad hated my mom hated her wait they were still married no my mom's gay you know my mom's gay

yeah but I didn't know it happened before after your dad died oh well before and he despised this I mean he hates her so she came to the funeral No, my mom's gay. You know my mom's gay. Yeah, but I didn't know it happened before after your dad died. Oh, well before. And he despised this. I mean, he hates her. So she came to the funeral.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Did he want her not? Forgive me. He literally wrote in his will, he will rise from the grave and haunt us if she steps foot on the property. And she did it anyway. And gave a speech. And what was her speech? Was it anti-vax too?

But just a different vaccine? It was all about their rugby days. It was a riff session. It was comedy. It was a full stand-up set. Did you try to talk to like, hey, mom, maybe don't do this? I mean, I was like over here being like,

you gotta put it, you put the, put it down. And she was like, and also, we remember Robbie. Remember when you, and it was like.

And everyone knew that she wasn't wanted there. So it was like. Yeah, but I mean, and she's like a very lucid, down-to-earth human. I mean, it just, the microphone. We've talked about it on the podcast, but I think dead people's wishes, the reason to respect them is because when you're dying and you have some wishes, you want to believe that they're going to be respected.

And so it's important to do your best to respect those wishes so you can be comforted by the fact that your wishes might be respected. Yeah. I see. Were you mad at her at the time for going? Oh, no. He's dead. those wishes so you can be comforted by the fact that your wishes might be respected yeah i see were you mad at her at the time for going no he's dead i'm like just everybody try and have a good time yeah it's us 23 you're really this oh my god yeah i was like just whoever the his fucking insane ex or his insane wife was there i mean there were so many people there that i was like fuck you you fucking did this to my dad you suck but i didn't but i was just like this is for the

people here not for him. He's gone. Was it sudden or did you know it was coming? Very sudden. Oh, wow. Yeah. And it was like, yeah, I mean, I was definitely in shock still at the funeral. I was probably like the closest person to him.

So I was just like, because everybody, if you're very close to the person you guys. It sounds like everyone else there was an enemy. Well, they were, yeah. I mean, there were a few enemies there. I mean else there was an enemy so well they were yeah i mean there were a few enemies there i mean there was like even your enemies you kind of want to be there for the final word i just think and this is what i hated about like my cousin's thing because it was about my grandpa like his what his thoughts were where it was like you don't get to win you're trying to get like the final word in an argument with someone who's dead yeah so. So this doesn't count. Why did he try to do that?

Tear up that letter. I don't know. I imagine because he felt guilty and I would guess, I mean, I'm projecting, you tell me that maybe your cousin,

cousin, maybe he felt guilty. Everyone thought that's what it was. Yeah, he felt guilty and so he felt like, well, I have to justify this.

I did see her, in fact, in a dream and she, you're wrong about the date. She was still there until Thursday. You called it too early. Yeah.

Yeah, I think that's of it, too. And also, I mean, it's such an emotional time, too, where maybe, you know, you're just like, that's like a thing, a conversation you probably want to have with your grandfather that he didn't get to have. Do you think if you were not a comedian and you weren't able to express yourself in other ways that you would have spoken like it's interesting when people who do this for a living because you would have you could have probably uh delivered the room into not necessarily laughter but you could give them a speech that was structured had a had feeling or just moved people you know you're you're you're an orator i would have got too emotional that. That was it. Like, I would have. As a comedian, I hate to see the person go up there and can't get through a speech.

Because, like, at first you feel for him. But then after a while, you're like. You get that one. You get one. You get one of these. Yeah. Yeah. You're like, when it's like a silent room of 300 people and you can't speak everyone starts

looking at like is he gonna get through this or and i didn't want to do that to people so i was like i'm gonna sit this one out was it weird that feeling i remember the feeling hitting me where i was like oh my when i all of a sudden was like oh i'm like a person with a dead parent i'm one of those people now yes it's like the most bizarre yeah i mean i mean i'm at the point like i have to like remind myself of that every day yeah that's the freak it the weird thing is that people don't get is they're like they think that you're dealing with death and you're like what fuck death whatever about death yeah i'm dealing with there was something here and it's not there anymore i can't grab it i can't touch it i can't

call that this is insane i remember like i would get like blackout drunk yeah and his my dad's wife would call me the next day and be like you like called your dad like three times last night you know what i mean and i was like god like you just don't you don't get it you're like like i remember being like sure sure sure he's dead he's dead he's dead but eventually we're gonna talk you know what i mean right and it's then it starts to hit you where you're like oh this is why people say it is so bad because it is like the absence of this person yeah it's not just the death or the sickness or whatever it's this like for sure yeah i mean for me it was like I used to I spoke to my mom every day. But one of the things really like, yeah, yeah, we were extremely close.

I spoke to her every day. You see her often. I when I used to go on the road, she always knew where I was going. And when I would land, I would call her and be like, oh, you know, I'm here and whatever. Like so like when I started going back on the road again, not being able to do that was like a weird thing. I was like, oh, shit, dude. I got like a flat tire once and called my dad and was like oh you are dead technology i kenny ortega who i knew who who passed away like two years ago you know his

instagram still exists and his instagram i think is a comedy ken and every time i go to tag like the seller or something it pops up yeah and I see it and it's just like it's this constant like yeah that dude's dead man yeah that's wild Kenny was young too yeah fuck dude

I mean that funeral what was so weird about that funeral other than the owner of the comedy club not coming to it that made me really upset that he always performs that but

did it bother people? oh it bothered me because i knew how much he had worked there this is a guy who's doing 20 of the time at the club yeah but it was so weird because there was like a contingency of comedians but he had kind of isolated himself in the in the new york community like the lol crowd and so so it's like 15 comics but it was much more of like his community his family

his mother and it was so serious and I only knew Kenny in the context of like green room

fucking around so it was like it was weird to see so much sincerity when Kenny had never been sincere

and I don't know I don't know if he would have he would have enjoyed it, but he wanted there to be something else. And then a month later, they did a roast of him at this place, but I was out of town. The further you push the funeral from the thing happening,

the weirder it all feels. You do want something that encapsulates the rush of feeling. Everyone's feeling it right now. And then later you're filling out a doodle to make something work and you're like, this feels weird now. Like we're just doing it for the sake of doing it now. Yeah, right.

Funerals are weird, man. It's like a weird thing because it's funny, but it shouldn't be. If you're a funny person, you will find a lot of funny shit at a funeral. Well, I think it's just so it's just so I don't know about other cultures, really. I just know American culture, Christian culture, and there's just not enough to make let you feel. It's just so regimented. It's just so it doesn't feel organic to the experience. It's just so it doesn't feel organic to the experience.

I want a big artsy fartsy funeral of just people in a circle doing stories and having a good time. I don't know. Yeah. Don't roast me. You don't want to roast? No. You don't want to roast? No.

I mean, I think roast, I was having a talk with a comedian. I think roasts have gone like too off like on the deep end. Like I think it was somebody was telling me that they gave their jokes to Dave, like to tell like they were like oh what do you think of these jokes and i tell was like like what are you doing man like you go surface level like you're talking about this guy's dead parent like oh yeah that's so like like i feel like you make fun of like oh he always dressed tacky you know that's fine but like you start making fun of people's dead parents yo i i did a couple. James Pontillo. When I first started, I started, like, roast battles taught me, like, what joke writing was.

Like, the beginning of me doing stand-up. And, I mean, you'd find out someone had a dead parent, and you'd be like, cha-ching, here we go. Yeah, yeah. Oh, sorry, that joke's a little stale, like James's mom. Yeah. And you say it really flippantly. And, like, people in the roast world they they engage on that level yeah but then when you do think about it you're like well this is really yeah

i i wouldn't be cool with that like i i wouldn't be cool with that if like somebody's talking about all the humor you see in the thing what prevents you from wanting to talk about any of but it's not disrespectful to the person sure like the humor like in the in what i found funny was like what was going on to the thing but it's not disrespectful to the person. Sure. Like the humor, like, and what I found funny was like what was going on to the thing. But it's not disrespectful to the person who's like. That thing about your cousin, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, that's a. But even that wasn't disrespectful to the person. That was a person who felt guilty about not seeing, expressing his reason of why he couldn't. That was, if anything, that was like, man, I couldn't see somebody I wanted to see.

That was like a genuine emotion that he was like man i couldn't see somebody i wanted to see that was like a genuine emotion that he was feeling it wasn't disrespectful but like listen if if also like if if you were a roast comic and you passed and probably roasting you would probably make sense you know but my mom wasn't like a road like you know she wouldn't find that funny funny jeff ross's funeral was just like serious yeah yeah super catholic affair right right yeah i mean it's in the roast community and oh is just as good as a laugh that's yeah that's the thing is like matt moran's funeral people are going to be chanting aids yeah yeah and he would love that he would love that yeah that's true we would all wear no sleeves matt moran yeah but yeah so if you were in a roast

and somebody talked about your mom dying You would be like Not cool I don't know I think I think part of me Like the comedian in me Would just be like Oh it's a joke And just take it

But I don't know I guess it's too soon Like part of me Would also want to fight Yeah If you did that Totally Yeah

But I don't do roasts That's why I don't do roasts Did you ever? No I don't make fun of people Like that though I feel like a big part of my upbringing is like if you make

fun of somebody's dead parent you're inviting them to fight well you talk about respect and it's just so different I don't know what it's like but I definitely feel like Nico White I just will never forget I have a joke about my mom told me you're an actor when you act like you're not depressed.

I said, you're a yoga teacher when you go fuck yourself. Yeah. Nico was like, what are you doing? Yeah. And it was just so funny. It was just like, oh, we have different hierarchies or how we view this. And I'm like, fuck them. Yeah.

I'm like, fuck them. And I feel you're on the fuck them spectrum too. Oh, no. And it's very yeah i can't imagine you ever saying that about no even your sister if you know i don't know if you if you look at like black like a lot of the i mean at least in new york like the black comics a lot of them don't do the roast like sure it's most yeah very true and they don't rip their family and i also wouldn't feel comfortable because i'm not i'm not in this day and age going to be fucking around

with roast that touches anything race related at all I said what about Pedro Gonzalez that I'm still scared about but it was a funny joke

but I'm saying I wouldn't mind you roast me though I wouldn't mind what you said about me you couldn't upset me if I was saying something about me

when I had a girlfriend I'll tell you I was always fine with the parents but I always said if you say something shitty about my girlfriend that's going make me upset yeah like her like yeah yeah she didn't agree right right so it's like my family or my girlfriend like if you say

something about i'm gonna get it like say it about me like you can make fun of i'm i'll give you like a free pass but it's also like i also don't want to make fun of you like that yeah i don't want to like that's not funny to me like like i know i suck roasts for that reason. I suck at them so much. I remember when they used to ask me, they were like, no, roast your friend. It'll be fine. But I don't want to hurt my friend's feelings. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, that's not, like, I enjoy watching them, but some of the shit, I'm like, eww.

All right, well, let's move on to our next segment. This has got to stop. This has got to stop. This has got to stop. This has got to stop. Do you have a this has got to stop this has got to stop this has got to stop this has got to stop do you have a this has got to stop for us today uh yes um what did i have i i forget i i i would you have i can i can do one uh this is this room you do a lot of college gigs yeah yeah i'm trying to stop yeah they're not good they they are pretty rough it's always a mix like sometimes they'll be decent

yeah I mean after the pandemic less and less I just remember my manager saying to me like these college gigs it's a really you know

build up your following and I was like what are you talking about there's six people in a cafeteria I don't think I've got one follower they're telling their friends

to block me just in case five years ago yeah but it's really funny I had some some joke. I went to the kid.

I needed dinner, and I said, is there a cafeteria? I'll happily pay the daily fee. And they were like, you do not want to eat at this cafeteria. And I've noticed now at three college gigs, you can just mention the cafeteria sucking, and it's an applause break. And I'm like, oh, this is not good, guys. I mean, that's the act. You guys are spending $40,000, $50,000, and your cafeterias, your food supply sucks. And so on behalf of college kids everywhere, I feel like this has got to stop.

Bad college cafeterias. These are growing boys and girls. And you've got to take care of this shit. There's too much money. These colleges are scamming everybody. Every college I ask them, did you get a discount because of Zoom? They say no. And I'm like, that's insane. no kids are getting full full price room and board and they did it at home full price these kids are getting fucked yeah and their

parents you know what they made them do they made them move into the dorms to do classes on zoom like so they're on campus but only on zoom just so they could charge you for that fucking board well college in general might have to stop. That might be the whole point. I thought that the pandemic would hit colleges because they wouldn't be able to charge people this money. Their overhead fee would bury them. But instead, they

just continued the scam and not enough parents. Because I think it's tough when you're a parent. You don't understand the system. The kid doesn't understand the system. I think there all should have been class action lawsuits against all colleges. Right. Yeah. No.

Yeah. It's, it's, that does have got to stop. Well, yeah. I mean, I,

one of my friends who's like very, you know, woke and adult was in grad school and he was getting his MFA at Chicago and they were making him come back and he was like, I'm not fucking doing it. And they were like, great. You just won't, we won't give you the credit and it he was just like I mean the longer I fight this the longer I don't have a degree I'm already in this deep so he was just like forced to do it yeah monsters and also lawsuits take a lot of money the whole the whole enterprise of universities

is completely fucked I mean I know carpentry from growing up, and I went to school for philosophy, and the ways that the university... Well, at least you got, like, a useful degree. Yeah, very much so. But the amount of money I lost... I mean, it's just insane how much money I've gotten from the carpentry trade that I learned from my parents.

It is comparable to how much money I lost in university. I can tell you, my views about, like, labor, like, as a child labor... Like, obviously, there's bad child labor but sometimes i'm like yeah learn a trade instead of all this fucking generalized bland education that doesn't seem to lead to anything specific you can learn on your own you can read philosophy at the library you can read all these things you can't learn how to make a circuit you know for electric for an electrician or something in a book you have to be shown that so it's like all of this intellectual heady stuff is very much something that could be like a free i mean it already is but we're like no no you need a degree in metaphysics can you help me install my ac when this is are you serious um oh i was

gonna hire someone to do it. Oh my God. Why do comedians not know how to put in ACs? I've put in so many comedians ACs. You put it in the window. There's like a service

you provide? No, it's this. I have a nightstand I need to construct and I got two ACs I need to put together. I'll pay a top dollar. It's a square

and a square. You put the square within the square. Unfortunately, one square is smaller than this square and if it falls out, it's going to turn

someone to a square on the floor. Close the window on the square. That's my biggest fear. I used to, I mean, I've always seen

the anxiety things but I always had these nightmares that I'd wake up, there'd be police sirens, I'd see red and blue and I'd look at my window and it'd be no AC

and I'd hear people downstairs like, oh my God, I can't believe it. Are you responsible for that death? I've always thought about, well, you look it up and there's a shocking lack of deaths.

It doesn't seem to happen very often. I mean, the chances of it falling and hitting somebody is kind of rare. If you're on the 60th floor of a building in New York City? But the person has to be walking right under it. They have to not hear it coming. They have to not move out of the way. Also, the plug has to be in a way that can pull out of the wall. So if this thing tips, the plug is going to pull straight upwards and it's going to stop it from falling.

Oh, yeah, that's true. So the plug, if it's... And then the rip, if it's too heavy, though, right? Yeah, but they're never too heavy. Yeah, this one's heavy. They're all heavy, but they're not too heavy. Do you understand the physics of that? Like if this thing's coming straight out and going up, if you pull and it prongs no matter how heavy it is the prongs just put yeah early unless somebody kicks

it in my beginning stand-up i had a long bit about not being able to put it in ac i mean i've done it for stavros i've done it for so many comics put in there i can't believe you guys yeah it's so easy okay uh do you ever this kind of stuff i i feel like my i do i remember what mine was yeah i what mine was. I hope this hasn't been done, but I just feel very strongly about this. I just really, I feel like we have to stop. Like, I understand if you decided that you want to have kids, right? And I understand that you still want to do stuff. But I don't think that your kids should interfere with how I do stuff. So I don't like it when people bring like i

was flying and i had i don't want to do kids on the plane but i had i was i wasn't in regular i was i got upgraded to the first class with my points and there was a kid in in the first class like why is your kid in first class like why why hasn't a plane why hasn't an airline i mean i guess that will lose business why hasn't an airline been like all right kids have to sit if you were a kid you could only sit on on this thing the kid was crying it was seattle to new Why hasn't an airline, I guess they'll lose business, why hasn't an airline been like, all right, kids have to sit. If you were a kid, you could only sit on this thing. The kid was crying. It was Seattle to New York.

It was six and a half hours. Yeah, one thing about first class should be there. That's the benefit of first class. And the kid was walking around. She's coming into my queue, like slapping me on my knee. Slapping you? Yeah, like slapping my leg. And I'm looking at the parent, because it's not leg. And like, I'm looking at the pan, because it's not the kid's fault.

I'm looking at the pan like, is anyone going to get this kid? Like, he's like slapping my leg. I don't even like moving for pregnant people. Yeah. On the train. I'm serious. You really went up from like reasonable to full. I'm like, you're not a fucking cripple, dude.

I'm talking everything. Yeah, I'm not just talking play. I'm talking everything. I didn't fucking get knocked up. I don't, why do I have to fucking move? I'm tired. Okay, so what's the solution i don't disagree no more kids no more kids or separate planes for kids i thought about that i what do you think of that not just kids kids and their parents because parents the problem is not the kid it's the

parents like parents deal with them so much that they're, like, immune to it. So, like, they don't see when their kid is being a nuisance. They're like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I totally think first class being, like, 18 and older for first class. We serve alcohol here. Like, turn it into that kind of thing. Yeah, yeah. There's alcohol here.

There's adults here. Or even, like, the first half of the plane. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, not just first class. The problem is you fly with kids. Their ears get. They don't know how to pop their ears. Which is fair.

So it hurts them. And babies. Yeah. Don't fly with your freaking baby. That's more, babies is more. Kids is like, okay. I will always remember the,

there's a Louis C.K. bit, I'm sure, where he says, where people complain about his baby. When he had a baby, he's like, oh, you're right, I'm sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And it's like, I saw that like, well, what, yeah. What is the solution for they have to get to see their dying mom? Listen, there's no solution. I just need to complain about it.

That's it. The solution is you let me complain and continue on with your life, everybody with kids. First class, I totally agree because they don't need

that big chair either. Yeah. Part of first class is you get a nice, big, comfortable chair. Yeah. All the airlines suck. They all suck.

This is their problem. Another industry that needs to collapse. One time i was on a flight and it was just like kid being crazy and the kid came under the under she went under the seat and she came up like under my seat so she like when i like i was sleeping when i got up like the kid was getting up like in between oh my god i would have had a full pain i would have kicked it right in the head. I would have fucking knocked it out immediately. Instinctually. And then the parent like dragged her

like she was like she was like crawling up so she was like on her knees and the parent grabbed her by the leg and dragged her back in. So she's got pulled Oh my God. You're like in the grudge.

That's insane. Yeah. The scariest thing that ever happened to me with a baby on a plane I was a college kid and so I like my bike to go bag was a grocery bag. Like it was you know putting it in the overhead. Yeah. And happened to me with a baby on a plane, I was a college kid. And so my to-go bag was a grocery bag.

Like it was, you know, putting it in the overhead. And there was someone with a baby. And a book fell from the plastic bag and like hit the baby's leg. This is why you're worried about the AC. Yeah. And the baby didn't cry. It seemed like it was okay. It was like a play.

Theater kid. Thank God. One act. One act hit the leg. And then the stewardess uh the steward what do you say now steward airline attendant came over and this woman she did english was not her first language and she said like my baby uh he hit my baby's leg should how do i uh file lawsuit or sue serious yeah and i my life flashed before my eyes.

And this airline attendant who, if I could give her a thousand dollars, I would, looking back on it now, she said, oh, did your baby cry? And she said, no.

And she said, oh, then your baby's probably fine. You know, I have kids. Don't worry about it. And I mean, I wish I could go back and thank this,

thank this woman because she saved me. What did you say? What were you doing the whole time? She wanted to sue you? Yeah. Yeah. And like, woman because she saved me. What did you say? What were you doing the whole time this was happening? She wanted to sue you? Yeah. She said it and I'm sitting right next to her for the rest of this flight. For the whole flight?

Every day I thank God because I also had an external hard drive in the bag and I'm like, that would have killed the baby. So that's just the material on it. From prison. Our final section. You better count your blessing. You better count your blessing.

I didn't inform you enough about the show. No, no, no. But you're a quick learner. Do you have a blessing, something you're thankful for, like specific? Anything good happen to you in this life? In this life? Today, this week. I'm very grateful for my roommates, Michael and Ethan.

A couple days ago, I got blackout curtains and I slept. Knowing you, the moment you say blackout, my brain already goes to drunk. I heard blackout and then I heard curtains. I was like, oh, surprise. Like I heard blackout. I was like, oh, curtains. I haven't drank in like a year. Really?

No, I drank over on Halloween. But besides that. That's still good for you. Yeah, thanks. I fell asleep and at 3 p.m. Michael came in and he was like, dude, I thought you were dead. And I got up. Today? It was two days ago.

Two days ago. And of his own accord, he just was like. He was like, hey, you're going to be mad at yourself if you wake up past the sun is down. You don't set alarms? No, I didn't set an alarm because the blackout curtains, I wasn't used to them. I was used to the sun coming in and waking me up. That's how you wake up every day? Yeah.

That's how I wake up too i i did i did um the the loony bin in kansas and they're in there they got the comedy condo has no windows so you oh my god you have no idea what time it is like 3 p.m before you sleep pretty well like it's like a cave that's what i'm saying but you're a little it's a little disoriented i think no windows fucks you up man yeah i once went home like for the holidays in college and my room they were changing it to something so I slept in the basement at first I liked it because it was dark I slept in and then after a couple days I felt like

I'm losing my mind I think something about this feels like a jail cell yeah it's fucked up my blessing I did I guess I'm calling it a monthly show Sesh Comedy Club It's over on Eldred Street

I just wanted to like Figure out a place That I could like Work material And I stole this idea From Mike Birbiglia I saw him at the Bell House Before I was doing stand up

And he was working on new stuff Did 20 Brought up Mulaney for 15 Get everyone back Then he did new stuff Brought up Che New stuff this year Closed it out

So I did that I wanted a space Where I could just work You know I wanted a space where I could just work you know I tell people ever since I started working at The Cellar I felt like

the percentage of shows that I felt like I had to do pretty well on changed it used to just be like 20% I had to do really well the rest I could explore now it feels like

80% I can't fucking lose well that's the thing is now when we do bar shows that's the problem you're the heavy hitter right so then you go and you're like I don't want to just do all new shit like i'm the one that they have is like sure and i remember running a weekly and having like oh we got so

and so and then they come and they're like so no pad took a trip yesterday and yeah and you're like what the fuck dude you're gonna pay 25 yeah yeah yeah well you're the only comic paid this whole show yeah I never I don't I don't like I don't come up with new and like big chunks there's always small things

that continue to grow so I'll throw it out like I'll do it at the cellar but it's always like a small for sure that just keeps growing but sometimes I got those sometimes I have stories

and man no like I would definitely not embark on a new story like at the cellar stories are so tough man cause you're like once you get in that roller coaster you're like well yeah all the that roller coaster you're like well

yeah all the misses you can just show up do the lounge on Mondays do it huh? do the lounge on Mondays oh yeah I do the lounge

but even that is like three four minutes and there's still the pressure to do it no I mean I mean just the whole night if you're booked on Mondays this is what Louis said to me

he was like nobody's ever watching you on a Monday nobody's around just do your new shit then yeah nobody cares about Monday when I have as many spots as you do there I will nobody's around just do your new shit yeah yeah nobody cares about my when i have as many spots as you do there i will start fucking around on mondays but for the

meantime i'm gonna murder that monday show as hard as i can i will say that is an annoying louis also was like you can just just bring it up on stage you know the bit you'll find the bits and i was like fuck you dude everybody is cheering for you if you take a shit on stage sure sure you have endless stage time but so so i was very what was cool about it and and by the way this podcast is coming it's the first sunday of every month i can't wait for people to start asking me for making enemies from people i don't book i haven't booked anything in a long time and i tell people if you want to make a lot of friends in a short period of time and lifelong enemies over a long period of time, start booking a show. Yeah.

Like a comedy show? What? Yeah, because people are like, why have you never booked me on this? Or like, so I posted my tour dates, literally didn't sell a single ticket. Instead, got 30 people writing, hey, I live in Kansas City. Can I be your opener? And I'm like, oh, I. Just ignore them.

I was just in Kansas City. Yeah, you say the club books. Yeah, that's what I've been doing. I was just in Kansas City. Yeah, you just say the club books. Yeah, that's what I've been doing. I've been lying my ass off. I say, I do the whole set. I do beginning to end,

two hours. So, I was, it was very cool though because it was in New York and there were probably like 50 people there and some people

who listened to the podcast were there and it was nice. It felt like we had some, some Orthodox Jewish people there. It was diverse, which I feel like is so important for like,

this is the kind of fan base you want. It sounds like you're grateful for yourself. I would know I was grateful for people that came out. It was very cool. It's exciting. It's exciting to have people buy tickets to you. Listen to yourself. What the fuck?

You're pathetic. What the fuck? Fuck you motherfuckers. This is why we're here. You're like, I'm grateful for the gym for allowing to get me this i'm grateful i'm grateful that people listen to this podcast it's weird when people tell you they listen to the podcast i'm so grateful for success this is great for my mom and dad it was not a lot of people this is the positive part of the podcast so I just want to say thank you thank you

because I know some listeners came and please it's going to be the first Sunday of every month I'm sure we'll ask you we'll ask you both soon

I don't know after this last little riff you did maybe it'll be maybe we'll say hey you know let me look to 2023 how's that March

but thank you for coming it's called the silver lining first Sunday of every month Ian give us a a blessing

i'm i'm great like i thought about this as i was walking here like i'm walking here and i like i had to go like no no kidding i had to walk by like at least five homeless guys who were like one wanted to fight well like i don't know who there's like garbage all over the floor there was a stray pit bull that ran past me it smelled terrible and i was just like john marco's neighborhood yeah i was like even through all this man i'm so grateful that i was born in new york city where like i didn't have to move to like pursue what i wanted to pursue i was able to just start here like even though this city could be so rough i'm really grateful for that like this is like people like uprooted their comfortable lives to come to

this garbage infested you know loose dog riddled homeless mental thing yeah see that's a grateful thing i'm happy that i i'm used to the trash that i'm surrounded yeah well there is i think part of new york love is really like it's complicated because there's a lot of things about new york that are really upsetting and tough. Most things. Yeah, I was on a train the floor was wet

I'm like it's not even raining why is the floor wet? And until you get on the subway like the whole floor was wet. Well you'll never Oh my gosh that's the worst. Just let somebody explain it.

Whether it's throw up whether it's piss as the train movie there's that moment where the water if it's here it goes all the way to the end

because of the traction and all the way to here when the train stops you just watch the floor keep covering whatever it was right right i'm like it doesn't even look like p it's water like where did this come from like why is there water on the floor i watched a guy today throw a trash can down and then bark at the trash can yeah i mean he threw it on a huge trash can knocked it over and then went and i was like i love the city i was like what some chaos i like i love a broken mta screen because i hate that they spend money on screens to show ads on the mta yeah so when i see a broken screen i smile i go good for that guy

yeah this is not what we needed for the subway this fucking city man and it's so funny like you go on the road and you have these comics like they look at it like they're like move into the city and i'm like it's gonna eat you alive it does eat people alive and then they just move to astoria yeah that's what i'm thinking about moving is that what you guys know no we live in ditmus yeah yeah um and uh anything you want to plug this is going to come out um i'll tell you exactly but but think about april may uh jordan anything coming up um i have i think april i'm in it's coming out march 29th okay april me and ian fight answer headlining in vermont ian was just on our last episode he was he was my other

sub co-host nice vermont comedy club gonna be crazy gonna be very fun and helium philly at some point in april i think i guess you're just bragging huh yeah yeah i'm grateful for jordan jensen for getting um yeah uh got a podcast dropping soon. Ooh, what's it called? It's either going to be called MomPod or Momsplain. My managers want it to be Momsplain. I want it to be called MomPod, but it's me and my mom doing a podcast together. Nice.

It's pretty funny. Sounds fun. I'm so sorry. As soon as I started saying it, I was like, I wish I could do a pod with my mom. You can have one of my moms. I have three, okay? Just take them all.

God damn it. Yeah, no. It was March 29th. I got a Raw Comedy Club and Springfield Mash at the MGM. Fuck yeah. I'm doing that in April. I'm doing Soul Joes in April again. In the dome?

I think they're moving back to the dome I hope they move back to the dome You did indoors? Yeah did you see it? It's not good? It's rough Is it? Yeah it's like a I mean I love Soul

I love Joel Love the dome But this indoor thing It's like a country club But it's like in a banquet room Oh yeah I think I'm doing the dome Jordan do you know how plugs work? What? Because oh yeah i think i'm doing the dome jordan do you know how plugs work what because i don't think you fully understand the concept we're trying to get people

to go to these shows no i'm with you okay in the banquet don't go no no don't go to the don't go to the dome i think they're going back outside the dome's gonna be sick the dome was great i've done the dome many times the dome even you don't know whether it's i did the dome it was it was hot and the lights around me the bugs started biting me like oh dome even you don't know whether i did the dome it was it was hot and the lights were on me the bugs started biting me like oh you did summer don't fucker the bugs were spring and lights were on me so it was like it was spelled like i was getting attacked i did spring and fall dome yeah and it was a mix i felt so bad because it was like a mix of like a conservative very conservative schools like ptp a parent teacher and the other half was like a dog rescue

shelter. There was a comic at the side of the internet going off about Royal Airsford. They were like, fuck that place, fuck all those people come out. I'm not going to be put, but I had a lot of fun. I had fun. Every time I've done it it's been fun. Come to Souljoes and watch my special

streaming on YouTube. It's called Growing Shame, Comedy Central. Growing Shame. Me, I'm headlining Dynasty Typewriter March 30th, so that should be tomorrow. And come again. This is going to be the Downsides official monthly show. It's called The Silver Lining, April 3rd, 8 p.m. at SESH Comedy Club.

Otherwise, I'm going to be in Memphis soon. Comedy Vault in Batavia. Wise Guys in Utah. And the Looney Bin in Oklahoma. I hope they have no windows in their cabana as well. No, that one's good. The condo's fine. Oh, the condo's fine.

There's windows. Listen, only Kansas City has no I mean Kansas has no that's so scary well I'm still I hope I get to go do that

very illegal also yeah it's in the club it's in the club I like that yeah it's in the club I like that what yeah

cause you don't have to you're sick in the head about comedy there's no doubt about that there's no doubt about that you just said I like that about the fact that the club puts you into a windowless room and you get to be that close to it.

That's how I get all my writing done. Oh, God. So thank you for listening. And for those of you, those New York folks who came out to my show. Oh, there we go. Just remember, even if you love New York City, the water is taking it away in a couple years minimum. This is the downside. One, two, three.

Downside. Downside. Downside.