The Downside with Gianmarco Soresi - #85 The 6 O’clock Knock with Derrick Eason

Episode Date: May 24, 2022

Derrick Eason joins us to talk about being a cruise ship comedian during a global pandemic, the “6 o’clock knock” AKA getting fired, why the cruise staff is no longer allowed to hook up with passengers, and the day Carnival Cruises stopped putting chocolate on the pillows, losing a painting by Salvador Dali, getting slapped long before Chris Rock, and in a new segment Gianmarco is forced to reduce his airline travel to a minute so you keep listening to this podcast.  Follow Derrick Eason on Instagram and Facebook Follow Gianmarco Soresi on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, & YouTube Subscribe to Gianmarco Soresi's email & texting lists Check out Gianmarco Soresi's monthly show in NYC (first Sunday of every month) Get tickets to see Gianmarco Soresi in a city near you Watch Gianmarco Soresi's special "Shelf Life" on Amazon Follow Russell Daniels on Twitter & Instagram E-mail the show at [e-mail] Produced by Paige Asachika & Gianmarco Soresi Video edited by Spencer Sileo Special Thanks Tovah Silbermann Part of the Authentic Podcast Network Original music by Douglas Goodhart Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Well, I don't think your wife would want you telling us that, Russell. Welcome to the downside. My name is Jamarco Cerezi. I'm here with my busy, my busy co-host, Russell Daniels. Are you, how are you doing? I'm good. I just, there was a big work thing that like, you know, like all day was waiting for it to happen.

Then I was like, oh, it's probably not happening till tomorrow. Sure. And it happened on the 45 minute subway trip here so it's just scrambling to get it done we're here with our guests so russell was getting some some things on his laptop and our guests start telling us an incredible like a story that i was like this is amazing we're talking about vaudeville uh so so we had to start we're excited uh to welcome to to the podcast stand-up comedian derrick easason what's happening how are you doing so good to be here I'm relaxed now I when when you when you buzzed in you said uh with my apartments on the third floor and you said is it a walk-up right and I was like oh

fuck I hope because I'd seen in your stand-up that you had gotten surgery right and I for a second I was like oh no are we gonna have to carry I was ready to carry you I'm hard for a second, I was like, oh no, are we going to have to carry it? I was ready to carry you. I'm parked. If you needed it. You told me that, you know. That's why we walked up. Yeah, really.

Three flights of stairs. Wow. What a great service, you know. Yeah. I parked on Baruch Place. I'm parked in front of PS 97, which is a block away from the river. That's good. That's good.

And my plans failed. I told you I had a lunch uh lunch appointment earlier which fell through so it gave me time to find parking good good huh i don't do you you how often do you park in the city is that and when i come in i park when i can and i get in early enough i used to park downtown and then just take the train or public transit cab it uptown wherever it had to be but uh lately i drive in and got a great app finds a garage good you know in an area that you're going to for like 25 to 60 off yeah plug into it into it. You get the code and then you show up and then you just let them

calm down and then you leave your car. I hope this app sponsors this podcast because we are looking for sponsors, baby. And that's a good sale. A couple things. Let me just tell you. In 2020, I had two

spinal fusions. Neck and lumbar. Okay. And so there were C4 through 7, then L7 through S1. So that was basically, it started as a sciatica issue. Told me it was just a life, you know, wear and tear situation. But in the MRI, they said, before we can address that, we need to address this. Because if you sneeze incorrectly, you're paralyzed.

Oh, my God. This is the downside. One, two, three. Downside. Downside. Yeah. The downsideside Hell yeah That's terrifying

That's the earliest we've gotten to the medical procedure Wait I have a thousand questions I have a question because I get really freaked out Can we do like intros? Before you deal with your fucking I have a question about his actual The story story you just told you're gonna you're gonna leave and like

you're gonna be like i gotta go to a doctor right now no no that's your question i question about sciatica so did you have lifetime issue with sciatica was that something that was always popping up or okay so because one time i had a sciatic nerve thing like three and a half years ago or was bothering me for like a few months. And it would kind of freak me out because I was just like a new thing where all of a sudden you'd be like, oh, it kind of hurt my butt. For those who can't see, Derek's nodding like that's exactly how it starts. And then nothing has ever happened since. Like it totally went away and has been great and not anything in three and a half years.

Am I going to have to get that surgery then one day then one day it's like that pimple returns pimple returns is that what happened you it was on and off for years no for years for years and the doctors so my sport uh the majority of my time as a sports person was as a swimmer but the most uh damaging time was as a football and basketball player so you're fine i played football true hey so um but i just wear lifting someone in sketch comedy is oh i don't know hilarious hilarious that's what i'm talking about you have to give for the art. They're like character sketch comedians are the most at risk.

Yeah. Look at Chris Kattan. Look at Chris Kattan. I know, that's true. Famous comedic actor, Chris Kattan. Yeah. And he fell and he claims in an SNL sketch and fucked up his spine. And he was, like Russell, mostly funny for the way his body moved.

Right. Exactly. Yeah. So now it moves differently. You have to find the secret to that movement. But yeah, that was the deal. So it was wear and tear and it was a pain that would come and it was

different in different phases, different type of pain, different phases. The doctor said you're too young for any type of surgery. So it was about stretching. It was about at some point getting lidocaine patches. At some point it was about shots. At some point it was about just take the pain as long as you can.

Withstand it. And at one point- I don't like that diagnosis. The doctor's like, here's the deal. You're going to take the pain as long as you possibly can. That i like the diagnosis and i don't want to give you the drugs i'm like how come everybody else gets the drugs yeah i can't get the drugs i don't want it why are you the responsible doctor sure sure this is the one doctor fighting the drug industry yeah and i'm sitting in an airport terminal cursing little kids because they're going to make their connection.

And I can't walk them on. Oh, my God. I'm just like pissing off. It's a lifestyle situation. Yeah. Hating the world because I can't be mobile. Okay. So I did the surgery.

It was an 80% chance of success. And I fell into the 20% with regards to having the sciatica down my left leg and coming out of the hospital with that taken care of. But my right foot, I have a dropped foot now. And I have to now. A dropped foot? Yeah, like the nerve, the major nerve. Because now they had to make new.

He said after he went in there was more damage than the act we saw on the mri they had to make room for the spinal cord so now it's not it's stenosis it's synapses it's it's drill time and so they make room for the cord which is now free from the vertebrae but now it's been damaged oh but they you knew that the 20 chance going in but you still were like the pain's so bad it's worth it when you take those odds yeah oh yeah yeah bros you are you are i've never seen you have a full like uh fear attack i understand i i mean the thing is what i keep knock on wood uh it's been three and a half years and i haven't had ever come back again yeah it was like a three month period where it was bothering me.

And then I was just like, I'm just going to ignore this and not see anyone. The body is an amazing, it acclimates. It's amazing the pain. But once it reaches, once you hit that level, you go on to the next level. So the pain may come back and will come back and it might be even more intense. Or it's fine. Or it's fine. Or it's fine.

I'll never even have to say the or it's fine and you're settled and you're settled so welcome to the fucking downside this is an episode this is a show where we talk about all the negatives in life we try to celebrate them I have plenty of negatives to bring to the table what I've been thinking recently though is like

I don't want this to become the me complaining about airports podcast yeah well that because because what happened you've had this conversation before no no not this one no no i'm just saying i i had a week of some of the worst flight problems ever i had uh i ever i know you're someone you're everyone's had worse problems except for me but it was bad it was bad it was uh so i decided here's what i might propose for the podcast okay because i travel a lot and airlines are notoriously bad and eventually your favorite comedians get to a love award they're just tweeting at airlines every week yes and that's their content it's

just being like hey at delta you're not going to help me at all yeah yeah and you hope you're they're famous i hope i'm not famous enough for delta to respond quite yet yeah so i decided uh when i have travel problems i will do the the travel minute one minute of complaining okay about my travel problems and if it happens enough we'll change it to 30 seconds the problem is I don't see you and then all I am getting updates on is your travel, which a lot of it was spent in an airport

the last, every weekend. This was wild. Yeah. Okay, so I'm going to try to come to it. Do you want me to time it? I can time it. Oh, you can time it. If there's any follow-ups,

you know, feel free. We can talk about it. But I just want to point out, my friend Chris, he said, you know, the airlines are understaffed right now. And maybe that's the reason these are being so bad. Chris is being reasonable. After he made a snippy comment about it, he said, oh, yeah, you're the comedian who's faced the worst airline troubles in the history of the world.

Okay. Ready? Yeah. Go. So on Thursday, I flew down to Dallas. And Dallas, it had to go to San Antonio because of weather. And then I got stuck there on the runway for six hours. We were about to unplane.

Then the toilet was broken, so we couldn't go. It was ultimately—oh, my God. No, stop, stop, stop. Pause the timer. What the fuck? Ah. Ah. I got a phone call.

All right. Do not disturb. Okay. Okay, go. So we were there in the tarmac for six hours i barely made it five minutes before my dallas show then sunday i'm flying to new york city i get an 8 20 a.m flight something is wrong with one of the computers they make us deplane then they cancel the flight i miss four spots in new york city four fucking spots they were all paid spots i basically had

to wait for five hours then fly all the way to minneapolis while i was on the plane i i got in the wrong seat i mixed it up the gate with my seat i dropped my headphones in the thing i am 100% sure somebody stole those headphones because we checked the entire fucking plane so i went to minneapolis then i flew to la guardia got in at like 12 15 a.m by i broke my glasses because i sat on them i was so fucking frazzled i was i i lost my headphones ultimately i lost all those spots we're looking at losing a thousand dollars on this trip and fucking delta didn't do anything to give me 15 of a food coupon that you had to leave security to get the time uh wait i have a question i have a question um so someone stole your headphones wait wasn't it obvious wasn't it the person sitting in the seat so this is this is

what i think this is an actual interesting part so i i sat in the wrong seat I mixed it up with the gate so I sat in like 15B or whatever 14B this is important so then I get onto the plane someone's like oh that's my seat I'm like oh my god I'm so sorry I go to my seat I realize I don't have my headphones so then I talk to the TSA person they're like we can't ask them

not TSA the stewardess we can't ask the person until we're in the air so I'm like sitting there like I don't have my we can't ask the person until we're in the air. So I'm like sitting there like I don't have my headphones. We're going to wait till we get in the air. We wait till we get in the air. The person in the row says they don't see anything. I look in my bag.

I look in my chair. I look everywhere. I'm sure they're on the plane because my phone was trying to connect to the headphones at some point while we're in the air. connect to the headphones at some point oh while we're in the air and um uh uh so basically i say to the what do you attendant i say to the attendant the flight attendant i say i'm i know my headphones are on this plane i know they're on this plane here's what i'm concerned about they're either lost somewhere or someone took them. Now, I'm being very hesitant because you don't want to accuse someone of stealing lightly, right? They just go back to the seat that you were first, 14.

That's what we did. But they said they didn't see it. They didn't have it. When you asked them, were you asking them or was the flight attendant asking them? First, I asked them. Then the flight attendant asked them. And did they motion to like look or were they just confidently like no there's nothing you know i i thought that i i

remember when i sat back down i wish i'd paid more attention to their body language to see if they were like no i don't see that like some kind of like you know that was an udahagen acting exercise can you really look for something even though you know where it is? Yeah. And so maybe they were an actor. Then they needed the headphones. Yes. They're making a lot of money. What an exercise. So I say,

I say to the attendant, I say, here's what I'm concerned about. It's either there or there's a possibility it was stolen. I don't want to accuse anyone of stealing. Do you think she's concerned about that? Which thing? About someone stealing your headphones.

No, no, no. It's about me like accusing yes okay and let's add to it why shy away from this the person who sat down uh was a black woman and i'm gonna be very remiss before i wildly accuse any black person of stealing something that's not gonna be what i'm gonna do i'm gonna check every fucking corner of this plane and then even then i'm not going to accuse anything but this is the reality of like especially this show so so the suitor says uh let me do like a full check of their their chair like like take off the seat cover whatever after the

planes landed often after the no no in the air oh's often in the creases. Yeah. Sure. So she says, what row is it? I was like 15A. She's like, are you sure it's 15A? No, that's where you are. That's not where you were, right? No, no. That's where I was. That's where I was. So she does this, I guess it's a trick, where she basically told them the row 15A, they're both people in the row. We're going to have you get up. I just need to check underneath the seats. And she basically then takes their email, I think, to give them some kind of coupon. She's basically offering some kind of

Delta reward, maybe a free meal or something. For inconveniencing them. So we walk to the chair. She's in front of me. She goes to ask them. As she's going to this row, I go, fuck, it was 14 A. Ah, 15 A. So she's getting them. row, I go, fuck, it was 14A. Ah, 15A. So she's getting them.

You can't tell her? It's happening so fast. It's happening so fast. And so for a second, I'm like, this is fine. And then there's a guy across the row who, on the way in, recognized me from Instagram or whatever. This happens a lot. And he said, he confirms, he says,

oh, I remember I saw you wearing your headphones as you were coming onto the plane. And that triggered my memory. I was like, right, when this guy talked to me, I remember keeping my headphones on because I didn't really want to talk to him. And he was very sweet. He was very sweet.

I was just not in a good mood this day. I hope he's listening to this. So then, so he says to the flight attendant, week he was very sweet i was just i was just not in the mood he's listening to this so so then so i so he says to the uh the flight attendant oh he he was actually actually sat in that row by mistake not this one and the look the look this woman gave me i was just like more vouchers more things to give another row so so she does it though she does it and she's taking off the seat she's letting me go in and i'm doing a full headstand looking under this chair. Yeah, not there.

So then I- You checked the front, right? The little pockets. I checked it all. Okay. I checked it all. And at some point, the plane goes low enough, my phone, I get enough connection that I identify once again, they're on the plane, but not fully accurate of like, I can't see like-

You start playing something. I tried to do the play sound. Okay. But I thought it connected once, but then it didn't connect. Basically, the plan was this. For some reason, someone sitting across from me in the alley worked for the airport that we were landing in. And so we were like, okay, here's the plan. When we land, I'm going to try to connect to these headphones.

And if they move, I'm going to stay on the plane and if the headphones move that means someone stole them okay and then we're gonna we're gonna call the police you're gonna track the headphones what you're gonna track the headphones yeah that was the plan so we land the moment we have full reception again the phone confirms that my headphones are on the plane. They're on the plane. And I've checked my bag 10 times at this point. But then once people start getting off the plane, they stop being able to connect. Could have run out of battery. Maybe the reception wasn't good. I could not get it to connect. I could not see if these headphones were leaving the plane or staying on the plane. Let's say they dropped and the plane had slid 10 rows back. Who knows? But I never... I couldn't.

It couldn't connect anymore. So all I knew is that they were on the plane when I was on the plane. And then I left. I left a phone number. They said if the cleaning crew finds it, we'll call you. I didn't get a call. So I'm going to guess. I'm going to go out on a limb. I got to believe. It's hard to believe they were stolen because given that I could have tracked it potentially,

it seems crazy to steal something on a plane. Well, it's obvious, John Marco. That it was stolen. That they're in the lost and found. You really think so? Yeah. Maybe. Did you fill out the report?

I filled out the report. Knowing Delta, in five years, I'll find out if I get the fucking- The Delta lost and found report? Mm-hmm. And I left a phone number with this woman. She said, I'll be here at six in the morning. The cleaning crew will have checked it by then. And it was a really- I mean mean i was at my lowest that day and the headphones was just like the final

the last row the last and i i in my blue i sat on my glass i like fucked up one of the things and and to take a whole flight i'm assuming you didn't have a hard copy book or anything to read or i was filled with such anxiety. And especially when we were in the plane, part of me was like, we're about to catch a predator. I was waiting to land and it was going to be like, all right, they're moving. They're on the move. They're on the move.

Everyone activate. I mean, truly, truly, to lose something on a plane takes a special kind of person. Was that the first thing? That I've lost on a plane? Yeah. I think of this magnitude. I've maybe left glasses once. But headphones?

I carry these headphones. It's a miracle I haven't lost them before. And so to lose them, of all places, places i go on the subway i travel on the plane i hate there's that when the feeling of losing something too of that magnitude is really devastating um it i remember one time i left a suitcase that had like it was after an uncle function show and like all the dumb prop stuff but it also had my backpack in it which had my laptop like everything from work every like everything that you you know my headphones everything and it was i left it in the back of the trunk of a cab and i in my mind well i was never been

lower in my life and i knew i was like i have the next like eight hours to figure this out like other if you let too much time go on it's gone it's gone i did it and i did it i did it so is that the worst thing you've ever lost well i i got it back it was an amazing thing i had to call the credit card company to connect me to like the precinct of the cabs to figure out who the driver was to figure out the time but then it was just like it also like the driver had to be relatively good person um yeah because he you know he but he didn't speak english and so this thing i ended up going far out into queens the next day though and met his daughter who gave me my suitcase it was amazing like i was like wow but i was like i had to do it through the night because I was like, I know that if this

doesn't, you know, if this doesn't get resolved, it's gone. But I was like. How far did you have to go to get it? There was a two hour period where I was like, it's gone. It's gone. And I was like inconsolable. Like I was like. It's a horrible feeling.

Yeah. Because you know in your head what you should do is go like, it's gone. Yeah. No. It's time to slowly get the things that I need re-bought. No. But in that moment, you're just like,

I couldn't even, I didn't know what to do. I was like, I don't even know who to call, what to do. You know, why I couldn't have gotten an Uber. Why did I get a cab?

You know, like I was like, I was like, Nicole, I was just like giving her the phone and be like, do, do something. We need to do something.

You know, like I didn't know who to do. What was the worst thing you've lost other than the ability to run okay okay before i answer this question this is something that i've dealt with all my life uh-huh loss and i dealt with it from a very early age, and it's something that has been consistent throughout my life. Loss. So I've lost many things. I lost a dolly, a Salvador dolly.

Oh, my God. Like, how did you get it in the first place i got it at a art dealership from uh art dealership oh my god i lost wait how did you lose how did you lose that i lost my father That was the first thing That started I lost So I've lost a lot Over time

I've lost gigs I've lost I've lost a lot of shit on planes Actually Got my laptop returned On a Delta flight I lost a lot of shit on planes. Actually, got my laptop returned on a Delta flight. See, look,

there's hope. Next morning. It was amazing. Oh, no, no, no. Listen,

I got, okay. So I left my laptop. Once I left my laptop in the front seat of a chair and I remember my seat, so they went back on and got it for me. And one time I left about $10,000 worth of art in an overhead compartment. Derek. Derek, why, you know, hold up.

First of all, do you have a secret art? It sounds like you're like an art trader. How much art do you have? Are art it sounds like you're a like an art trader how much art do you have are you heisting where are these why i like ten thousand dollars worth of art just in the overhead bin maybe somebody like like a like an art thief who then keeps losing the art after he's stolen it from the highest security museum in the world how okay how did you lose the dolly like where did you put it why were you traveling with it i wasn't traveling with it okay so i had been evicted uh i was living in stanford connecticut and had been evicted and was working in manhattan i was working on 23rd Street, a block from the Triangle Building. And I got a call

from a friend. I used to live, when I lived in Stanford, I lived across the street from a thrift shop. And on the other side of the block is where I also worked. So I lived, really, everything was within a block of everything. So one day I get a call saying, Derek, isn't your mother's name Harriet? And I'm like, yeah. Isn't that in this course? Well, I'm looking at your Rolodex here at the thrift shop. The landlord, I had left all these things in storage in the basement,

but I was evicted earlier. I didn't have anywhere to put my stuff. And the landlord, after a period of time, had put all my stuff in the street, including the dolly and jewelry. Wow. And my futon and all my shit in the street. And so, of course, the thrift dealer was right on top of

it and whoever else walked by so can you imagine walking by in the street and there's a dolly just laying sitting in the box and it's like take it what do you think that would have was sold for if you were to guess when now then then and. Now it would be tens of thousands of dollars. Back then? Back then, no. Back then I had bought it for like 200 bucks. Wow. I heard a story from a tour guide once

that Dali, he would, at the height of his fame, this is how they explained some economic concept. Dali would go out to these huge dinners and pay for everyone and he'd write out the check for the meal but then on the back he'd do a drawing and so the restaurant wouldn't want to cash the check because they had a dali drawing they had an original but then years later his uh his favor kind of fell in the world became less important and all of a sudden the check the number on the check was worth more than the drawing on the check so all of a sudden all these restaurants started cashing all these checks that dolly had written

oh and he like kind of got fucked financially oh crazy it was crazy but he dolly definitely seems like everywhere in europe there was a dolly museum and i like dolly but but at a certain point it's like oh this is a guy who created a lot and eventually that's gotta that's gotta go down in value yeah you make enough melting clocks who gives a fuck yeah yeah getting one of those wow that that's upsetting though to be a evicted and then be lose all your stuff like during it like that what there's no do you were you able to get some of it back through that that the person or no i because then they were i uh i uh i confronted the uh uh the handyman at the building,

and I didn't beat him up or nothing, but I was like, yo, what is wrong with you? You have my number. Somebody could have reached out before me, threw my stuff out. Just to do that, it was just inhumane. Inhumane. But no, I didn't get any of that back so um that's you know your headphones back it's a it's a like you know it's like you know how do

you you're dealing with loss and not lose your mind yeah you know because it's like am i the fuck up i keep losing my shit or is it just getting taken away from me yeah yeah you know because it's like am i the fuck up i keep losing my shit or is it just getting taken away from me yeah yeah you know is it a combination what or what you know and is it happening to everyone else is just happening to me when i lose like personal belongings like this with the headphones i have this feeling where I'm like, I don't deserve to have these things. I can't keep track of them. I remember getting Oakleys when I was in high school. That was the thing.

And I got a nice pair of Oakleys. And I must have lost this shit three days later. And I just had that feeling of like, no, I shouldn't buy new Oakleys because I'm too much of a fuck up to own something that nice. buy new oakleys because i i'm too much of a fuck up to own something that nice and what makes oakleys any different as a material object than a pair of one dollar you know a cereal box glasses sure i mean they're both material i mean why would and why would those things hang you'll never get you'll never lose these freaking things yeah they. They'll always stay in a drawer. They'll be so, you'll always find these glasses, but the Oakley's you couldn't hang on to.

Yeah. You just gotta be like, you know, the universe must've taken it. Somebody saw and took my Oakley. Yeah. Well, that's, it's the thing, the idea of theft. Cause I have to trust a lot of like, like at the comedy cellar, especially,

there's like a table in the back where you leave your bag. You're supposed to be able to leave your bag and leave your jacket. And you're under the illusion that this means it's safe. And it's safe because that's where the comics leave. That's where the comics leave their stuff. You think they're just stealing jokes? That's all it would take though. One day I could come back and like,

if it's stolen, what am I going to, no one's going to be like, the seller's not going to be like, Oh, Oh, Oh no. Our security policy was broken. Don't worry. We'll refund you the laptop. Right. It's just gone. Yeah. If it's stolen, what am I going to, no one's going to be like, the seller's not going to be like, oh, oh, oh no, our security policy was broken.

Don't worry, we'll refund you the laptop. Right. Is this gone? Yeah. You think Dave is doing that? You think Chris is doing that? Just leaving her stuff in the back? Can you imagine if I thought like Dave Chappelle took my laptop?

Imagine that. And I was like, I'm a hundred percent sure it was Dave Chappelle. I know it was him because there was no one there at the time. I was watching. Can you imagine? I am so dreading groceries this week. Why? You can skip it.

Oh, what? Just like that? Just like that. How about dinner with my third cousin? Skip it. Prince Fluffy's favorite treats? Skippable. Midnight snacks? Skip. My neighbor's nightly saxophone practices? Uh, nope. You're on your own there.

Could have skipped it. Should have skipped it. Skip to the good part and get groceries, meals, and more delivered right to your door on Skip. Think about something you're good at.

Now think about how you got there. Chances are, you had someone to help you get started. If you're thinking about starting to invest, Questrade's award-winning support team is here to help you learn how to become a better investor.

From placing your first trade to setting up customized stock alerts, we're always by your side. Just a few of the reasons why we are Canada's number one rated online broker by MoneySense. Get started today at Questrade.com. Well uh we're very happy to have you on here i really wanted to talk about um well let me say real quick because i i keep forgetting this so so for those of you who listen to the podcast uh i decided to do this part in the middle we uh we we have uh we're gonna have our first live downside show. What is it, Russell? Oh, it is August 14th. Good for you.

Yeah, August 14th at Sesh Comedy Club. It is going to be from 6 to 7.30 p.m. We're going to put links in the show notes, and that will be followed by the sister show, The Silver Lining, which is a stand-up show where I do an hour with some guests in between. Russell, you're welcome to try stand-up if you like. I would love to have you do five minutes. You could do five minutes. So that's our little easy peasy. My girlfriend, she's a manager now, but she used to do a little bit of stand-up she started in stand-up and i would do anything for her to get 15 minutes and to be able to open for me

on the road because then we could travel together more easily yeah the money she'd get from that would be enough to like cover the extra ticket and the hotel and and then we could uh and it'd be fun yeah i want to write is she funny she's very funny yeah but you know how it is we're like that doesn't necessarily mean you could go to 15 minutes in a tough room right but i think she could she could write it she's got the orthodox jewish background there's a lot to play with would her work be cool with that i don't think her work would be like, how dare you? Yeah. I think there's a degree where she doesn't want to blur those lines.

But I think her generation has to navigate social media, as everyone does, social media and work. And how much does she put herself out there? Yes. Because she puts funny stuff on social media. For sure. And I would think it would be funny if someone from a different management wanted to sign her as a as a performer yeah yeah try to deal with that conflict crazy oh yeah you know who's gonna sleep in that i'm not sleeping in that bed yeah i wonder how many managers like i'm sure there have been some like weird lines of like first they played themselves on entourage and then suddenly they got this part and their clients were like what

the fuck is going on? Yeah. They tried to call their manager. Oh, they're on set. They're doing an under five for Law & Order. And they're like, you know what? I'm going to leave. When I first started,

I met my girlfriend. I was like two, three years into it. She became my manager. And like she had no experience? No experience. Okay. But she had the gift of gab. Yak, that's all it is and um but at one point i mean now i'm still keeping my day job she's showing up on fridays trying to get my check then she wants 10 of my gig and i'm like hey listen you

know you gotta make a choice here but be my woman or my manager. You can't be both. You're just scraping in way too much here. Yeah. And she had a conniption. Really? She freaked out. She's like, no, I'm not. So she eventually became neither. Oh, sure. It's tough to hold on to one.

Can't hold on to one or the other. I mean, I let the parakeet fly. I let the bird fly away, everything. There must be some. I know Bob Odenkirk, his wife has a big management company. There's some part of me that's like, it makes sense.

I would love if that could happen. It's like a camp. It's like your team. Yeah, and they're invested. And they are vested. I say agent takes 10, manager takes 10, girlfriend takes 60. So if you could like, you know, shave 10 off of that, that's an economic investment as far as I'm concerned wouldn't you want nicole your wife i mean i want your wife to be you know to to no i like i like it being very different

you know what i mean like you know nicole would fight for you but nicole would be punching but i don't know like i think that there is you know what you gotta listen to your managers yeah i i just think that there i i like it being i like it being sort of like i don't want to be too close to that person i think do you know what i mean like i i don't know i don't i don't i i think i think like that's those are the best ones it's when it's too close well how yeah how was too close yeah what's too close. Well, how, yeah, how was too close? Yeah, what's too close? I don't know.

You're right. I don't know. I don't know. I just, I don't see it that way. You know Nicole would be a badass manager. No, I know, but that's also not what she does now. So, but I like it's- She knows too much about you.

It's, you know, I think maybe it'd be like if you're like, I want to do this. And then just seeing in her eyes, like, you're not right for that. Like, you know i think maybe it's it'd be like if you're like i want to do this and then just seeing in her eyes like you're not right for that like you know what i mean like that's where you there's things where you would be like oh like i'm ready i like just the the over 100 like being supportive of like whatever i know you need a partner who can lie to you about the objectiveness of the stranger you know or it's the objectiveness of the stranger, you know, or it's the objectiveness of the other person, not necessarily your partner. Sure. Yeah.

Well, I felt that with, certainly with dating comedians where if they had a bad set, I like when it comes to like things that I can, if someone cooks me a meal, it could be like fine. And that's great for me. And I'll be like, delicious. Thank you. Yeah.

When it comes to comedy, I got some real opinions. it could be like fine. And that's great for me. And I'll be like, delicious. Thank you. Yeah. When it comes to comedy, I got some real opinions. And so like, it would be tough. It was tough. If someone did poorly or they were, you're like,

well, what do I say to this? Yeah. And then, and of course I'm not an asshole in outside the podcast. So I'm not going to be like, you sucked, but then I just feel like I'm lying. And then you get into where all of a sudden you feel like you're just lying. Yeah. No, I'm not going to be like, you sucked, but then I just feel like I'm lying.

And then you get into where all of a sudden you feel like you're just lying. Yeah. No, I think as a comedian, that's something totally good because that's your craft. It's okay to be a snob about it. Yeah. Perfectly fine to be a snob.

But that's why to have a partner doing it, like it would have to be someone where I thought they truly were phenomenal. And this is, listen, there's no way any of the comedians I dated are listening to my podcast. This isn't like about them. It's just the concept.

You were all the greatest comedians in the world. But we originally reached out because you do cruise lines. And you, I was very curious about what the experience of was doing cruises in 2020. We heard some nightmare stories and I was just wondering what your,

where you were when everything shut down in the cruise circuit. I recently just met a bartender who reminded me, he's like, I was in the ship with you just before the pandemic. People recall it. It was March 6th, and I was supposed to return to a ship March 9th. They actually called me the next day and said, no, stay home. And they actually called me the next day and said, no, stay home. It was, at that time, people were getting sick.

They were, it was just, they didn't know what it was. It wasn't GI, norovirus, which normally, or not normally, but often is the most popular transmittable issue, disease, whatever, on ships. But everybody was sick with cold and raspy voices and this type of thing, and I got a little bit of it too. So shut down, reboot. Royal tried it, and every time he opened up a ship, it would just flourish again. COVID would just.

When, when, when does Royal first come back? I think that was sometime in maybe June. They were testing it out. I didn't start till September. So, um,

Carnival, which is where I've been for like the last 20 years started about july they had a big problem because uh about 90 of their workforce is indonesian which third world countries yeah like really behind with the vaccinations and everything so during the pandemic their ships were on skeleton crews there were many that were all at sea but during that time they was it took them over a year or so to get people back home yeah because it took getting people like from different all their countries had to be on different ships so they can start flying them back. Oh, right.

So now you're switching people back and forth and you're hoping not to transmit the virus. As you're switching, people are flying back and forth to get into those stages where they can fly home. It was just a long, arduous period. Coming back, people were not vaccinated. So as they were getting, they would come back, they were initially quarantined. Work quarantine is what I was dealing with. Go to work, go right back to your cabin. But they would get quarantined, tested.

If you tested positive, you were shipped to another ship where it was just nothing but COVID cases there. Oh, my God, a COVID ship. Yeah, there were a couple of COVID ships. So wait, so let me just place where you are. So you went back, when was the first time you went back? In September. In September. So they test you-

2020. Okay. Did you have to quarantine pre going to that boat? Like, did you have to like... No, not 2020. 2021. Oh, after the vaccine. Okay, cool. So did you have to be vaccinated to work? Had to be vaccinated

to work and had to have proof. Of course. Don't get started, Russell. And then you had to get, as you were in the terminal, vaccinated. I mean, you were tested again. Just keep vaccinating you every fucking hour. No, you get tested on board.

Then as you got on the ship, you were tested every other day. And then as you were along your stay, you were tested every third day. And after that, maybe once a week. And then after that, you weren't tested. But it was, what was the question? So, okay, so you got on that first boat did they give you a lot of guarantees of like if you get covid we're gonna keep paying you full no there was no guarantees it was like you know as far as getting booked back to the gig it was just a different system

but it was just about hey make sure your paperwork is in order and you are vaccinated right and you can prove it and okay you go to the ship so you you go on that first that first cruise back right um were you happy to go back were you stressed anxious absolutely stressed absolutely happy absolutely anxious yeah all of that all of that because it's new protocol now and um it's very very shaky did it feel fun it felt like like it would be like a skeleton crew so i imagine like things are closed you know no no things were open you know actually the first ship that i went, one of the first ships I went on was the Mardi Gras, which is Carnival's newest ship. It's huge.

It's massive. It's got a roller coaster on it. Oh, my God. Insane. It's insane. And so that's the flagship. So, you know, this ship is staffed. And it was running really well.

It was beautiful. I did 10 sets. You do 10 sets in like seven days. Yeah. But like those 10. No, you do 10 sets in like seven seven days yeah but like those 10 no no 10 sets in like two or three days yeah yeah so you're like one night you might have like four sets in a row half hour sets sure and it was just bang bang bang bang bang bang you're on a ship with like four of the comedians your audience is masked up and everybody's masked and they're like pounding you keep the mask on keep the mask on keep the mask on yeah doors when you're outdoors you can take

it off you take the chance to recommend you keep it but take it off whatever so um we were just supposed to uh go out do our sets at the first week usually a three-week contract first week just go do your sets. It's working quarantine. Go back to your cabin. Eat. Go back to your cabin. Yeah.

Sit, eat, go back to your cabin. That type of thing. And very stressful, you know, because it was like always reminders that, you know, social distancing. Meanwhile, we're all packed in. It's just one of those, like, you're on a cruise, what are you going to do? And you know there's people that have lied. I was on

one level of the ship where you can see half of it was cut off. So even on the ship that is in service, you have a quarantine area. How often were you testing when you were on the ship that is in uh service you have a quarantine area how often were you testing when you were on the ship like i said like the first week maybe every other day so what is that yeah

times a week and then um the next week second week it was like every you know it's just like gradually part of the cruise ship moves to the other part of the ship yeah yeah you gradually just stopped like the last ship i was on didn't test at all didn't have to test at all yeah at the point now they are now unmasked on board wow it's optional i have so many questions about just being a comedian on a on a cruise ship how okay so you said you've been doing this for how many years on ships for like 20 years so out of the year how many weeks a year are you even before the pandemic maybe maybe it's different now the pandemic it was up to uh 40 weeks 40 weeks are the you're on a cruise ship 30 what is that like are you what is that life like like do you do you this is something that you really

enjoy getting to see the world i was in the navy four years oh okay so i knew what life at sea is like yeah oh is that what the ships in the navy are like they have roller coasters and yeah they call them jets yeah catapults you work two hours a night. Two hours, yeah. You know, real captive audience. Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, I was familiar with sea life. And when I had the opportunity, I was, like, okay with that. Yeah. And it was so good.

I didn't have, like, a girlfriend. I was like, no, I'll never say I came later. Because girls, no, you can't work on a ship you know everybody's fucking on cruise ships i'm like really yeah i had no idea sure and they really were at the time when i started they absolutely were i wait i do want to hear about that because i've heard uh from my comedian friends uh that it's basically you can hook up what i've been told you can hook up with the crew you can hook up, what I've been told, you can hook up with the crew, you can hook up with other crew members, but you try to hook up with a passenger,

you are off the boat. They will catch you on the cameras and they will get a helicopter and they will take you off. They won't take you off in a helicopter. No, you're not that important. They'll just throw you off. They'll just give you a little jacket and throw you over with your stuff. Float on your luggage.

No, they'll just wait. You know, it's called the six o'clock knock. So you may or may not know it's happening, but around whatever, around six o'clock, they'll call you and tell you that your flight is ready. And you're six in the morning, six, six a.m., six a.m. So that means you're leaving that day. So and yeah, pack your stuff. You'll be leaving today. How often did you see that happen?

That's what happened a lot. Oh, really? And it's. Was it. Oh, for whatever. Or was it. No, no, no. It was crew.

It was crew. Crew. I mean, listen, you can be Camp Carnival who takes care of the kids and, you know, find a fucking passenger. You know, anyone who deals with passengers always has that temptation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, and not just comedians. Yeah.

They come to see us and they just fall in love with the comedian or whatever. And that's different. But, you know, anybody who has contact is vulnerable to fucking. So what did it used to be like? It was weird. It was fun fun But it was I mean today No it was not weird at all

I got a tour It was really nice They give you a tour of the show This is here This is here This is where you're performing tonight So and so This is medical

Aspirins Condoms Cotton balls And like oh condoms it's like yeah free condoms they're like a big bowl of condoms um and i'm like cool that's nice and i'm like that it but that much fucking going on and yeah and i mean guys especially the work tour guys yeah guys fucking guys and girls fucking girls and guys fucking girls yeah and all the officers were italian so you know they were they were a big reason why we stopped fucking the passengers the ital, the Italian officers. The Italians, the Italian officers. Yeah. Fucking Italians. Oh, man.

All right. So, yeah. But, yeah. So, and they would encourage us to, you know, hang out with the, you know, with the passengers. After the show, we'd all go to the club, hang out in the disco or the nightclub or whatever, or at the piano bar and interact with everyone. And, you know, so it was amazing you know the places that sex was happening on the ship oh yeah all over so what what people were fucking all over

what year did this change so this is like every year it every year it got a little like oh we shouldn't be fucking at the piano or was there like a like a thing that happened no it wasn't like the bowl of condoms is going away no no no no because you had to have those condoms yeah you don't want uh crew members getting pregnant right you don't want to be losing crew members like so there's still a bowl of condoms it's not a bowl now it's probably just like a yeah okay they charge you for it now yeah no they don't charge but just fewer and they go quickly now yes wow but when when was the rule enacted do you remember when they were like all right no more passengers after those two italian officers what what did they do they were bad what happened oh let's just say that

what happened oh let's just say that well they just like they used under they they they abused somebody oh boy oh was this a famous story or well it's not a famous story but you know girls that look older than they and say they're older than they are and then i mean okay so there are stories of people i'm trying not to bust anybody you know what i'm saying sounds like they were already busted pretty bad but you okay so now you meet someone on the ship and like you go to the club and they're hanging out and then all of a sudden you hear this announcement uh so and so please call the customer service and then you'll hear the announcement again maybe a half hour later and now they're looking for somebody somebody looking for their parents some some

parents looking for their kids oh no so um these italian officers okay so now they found you know they were hanging out with somebody and you know they just you know they both fuck the wrong kid i guess well it's not that many right kids to fuck i question about the food um wait how hold up i cannot believe you can't believe i shipped the food? No, I didn't. But so there was like, I just know that that's like such a significant change, obviously, in the boat life where it was like, okay, no more fraternizing with passengers.

It wasn't a big thing. It was only with certain entertainers. You know, there was so many things going on. The cabin parties were unbelievable back then they actually carnival even though it was called the walmart of the seven seas with regards to just being just making it making everyone uh uh giving them access to cruising you know it wasn't like you had to retire it wasn't luxury it was just like hey come on the boat cannot imagine getting on anything it was a party it was a party ship it was all party ship yeah so they and so in that regard it was as far as being a crew member it was the best in the industry to be a crew for carnival there were so many events going on they really

worked on your morale you played bingo they had parties there was a crew party at least once a month movie nights they had um and the crew parties the morale was very cool when you got off you know you get off if you weren't working you can get off the ship in the ports yeah you know that type of thing they were very lax and then as things started getting crazier and crazier they had to get more uh strict with the rules and the rules changed you know when the rules changed i knew the rules um it was somewhere in uh 2007 or 85 they started taking the chocolate off the pillows once they started taking the chocolate off i knew shit was going downhill sure yeah and how do you feel about it now i mean do you is it sad don't give a fuck about chocolate bro it's just so many things are going right now yeah you know i you know it's not even about the chocolate anymore it's just about hey you know can i you know get a real apple can i oh

well i feel like covet gave a lot of companies cover to be like you know with covet we're gonna we're gonna pull back a little anymore no no it was happening way before covert the pullback on services you know nowadays it's less service for more money yeah they started pulling back the services long before COVID. And this was industry. I'm not talking about Carnival in particular. I'm talking about the industry. And it was fleet-wide, industry-wide. Yeah, this is how they all...

I did a cruise in college with like a weekend cruise with some friends. We thought it would be fun. And we found a cheap one that we could all afford. And it was like a nightmare type thing where everything costs extra money. And it was just not a good experience. Well, it's like once you're there on a ship, you're going to spend money. Exactly.

Even though you really, I mean, I actually went to Acapulco with $25 in my pocket. All right, I had a girlfriend pay for it. But that was not the point. The point is you could, Brigetta, Brigetta Andersonerson she was a viking she was a viking um so let's talk about food um no and also a question about uh food and also what are the like celebrities the best food ever what are the um cabin like what are you your own cabin or you have to roommate yeah yeah you got your own cabin i got my own cabin can you have a dessert window

i'm sorry i just had a a steam horn yeah the industry uh standard is yes okay but you've had it sometimes no carnival no no okay i can show you also your pictures i'm just fascinated like the day-to-day the average the average cabin that you'll get like maybe on norwegian or holland america or royal caribbean or something like that is a really nice king side queen size bed with a window porthole desk maybe a uh at least a chair or maybe even a couch uh-huh table you know refrigerator okay television okay phone get a bathroom you know yeah washcloth that i mean that's good in my mind i was like people are shack like having to have roommates and like that's good though no no the entertainers don't have to do that okay that's nice and uh there are different levels of that i've been like

on levels where um every and i was like doing a transatlantic. Every cruise, I mean, oh, no, that was different. But every cruise we did or, you know, cycle, I got a bottle of champagne and a plate of fruit in the cabin. Nice. I mean, I'm not a big champagne drinker, so it looked like a cellar in my cabin after a while. It was like I'm hoarding champagne and fruit, you know? And then I've been just the other end where, you know,

they wanted to stick me in a bunk. It was an empty bunk bed. I'm by myself, but it's in a bunk bed. And there's a desk and a chair and a bathroom space. But it's all literally it can be from that where that cabinet begins to here i mean it's very small yeah and it's in the front of the ship so sometimes you're coming in like this so you get this triangular really weird configuration where you'll have to step over the bed to get to your closet and then you

step back over the bed and come around past the door to get into the bath it's like weird yeah so and it's really bad because i felt like i'm back on that transatlantic cruise do you do you do you still enjoy cruises or do you want to get off it? I enjoy them very much. I don't want to get off because I know there's levels where you can really just do this until, you know, into your 70s. Yeah. And be comfortable. Sure.

You have to align yourself with the right people with the right cruise line does it get lonely absolutely man because you're out of the loop yeah yeah yeah out of the loop i live in philly and it was for years i didn't have a home club it's like i get back home and i'm sitting like where do i go i don't know anything i don't know what's happening locally i don't know any name how do you maintain relationship like family friend like like i mean you know we're all connected online and that sort of thing but do you find it do you find like you come back and you have downtime and you're like oh shit everyone's moved like do you feel like well you know people i came up with i never i stopped seeing anyway you know as your friends you know become more you knowliners or whatever, you see less and less of them unless you really work toward getting together.

But I just had to really, I started going back to open mics. I just started after, which was cool because after having 30 years experience and hours of material as an open miker and no one knows you, it's like, where'd you come from? And now I'm the og you know and uh so i just started doing the open mics and uh went to philly punchline went to helium um a couple of it's got actually has a great open mic scene at least pre-covid it was really good there was abundance of open mics you can hit four or five mics in the night.

Now I just go, and I pick and choose where I go. I'm not going to all the mics because they don't know you. I'm not waiting to get bumped. And I was bumped a few times. Sure. And I made sure that you bumping me, right? Okay. I stayed around, you know,

because Philly is a tough nut to crack. They're a real clicky. And I had to do that in 2002 when I first moved to Philly at the Laugh House on South Street. That's still there? No, it's gone. This is where David Brenner owned it at the time.

Oh. And so when I first moved to Philly, that was the first place I went to get a pass. And got a pass and just stopped going right after that. I started doing cruises. Sure, sure. But it's lonely out there. You don't know.

And it's expensive to stay in touch unless you don't mind calling. And at the same time, it's a good place to work reflect yeah and it's not a gig for everyone you're literally dealing with a captive audience if people like you they'll come back and they want to see something new they want to see something different sure so right now minimal you should have at least two hours two and a half hours and break that up into five different sets yeah half hour sets oh that's interesting yeah much less organized than i've never been a really strict about set list stuff but if i did a cruise i'd have to like figure it out a little more than i have it's so much different you know because um especially i've seen so many city comics now i'm from brooklyn

and i i when i when i started up i started at the tree house and then i i mean i was like i'm gonna start comedy i don't want anybody to mess fucking with me so i'm gonna go to connecticut i'll go to the next state over and then if i die i die no no no but it worked out yeah so now but i'm like i don't know what the hell i am i'm in working out in westport i'm too black for westport and i'm too white for harlem so what am i doing and that took me a couple years to figure that out and now i'm coming back and i'm now i'm like starting to danger film i'm doing danger fields boston comedy I did The Cellar years ago in the 80s. Cafe Wah, doing Peppermint Lounge, and doing The Strip, Crosstown, Catch,

and all these other places. You could really get your work in. It was different, Open Mic's then, where it seemed so different, dealing with Lucian and all was different. Open mics then seemed so different, you know, dealing with Lucian and all these people. So the point was that I just, after I started doing the ships, I got used to getting paid, man. Yeah.

Very comfortably taking care of your bills. Yeah. So you have to make that choice. Sure. Am I willing to just go out there and just be a fucking unknown when i come back or just be on i mean i don't know some people managed to do it no i see it i had a friend uh ken boyd and i worked with him a lot at lol comedy club and he was a killer and once he got into that cruise ship i mean he he could crush anywhere and once

he got on that cruise circuit i never saw him again people think you're out of business you know and where have you been i've been out on these ships man i used to follow him on instagram until he commented one of my pictures that i looked fat and i said i blocked him um he's not the warmest fellow in the world yeah he says a public comment oh public oh no he wasn't he didn't dm like hey buddy i'm concerned about you it was public like oh that's my point i guess that's the one thing i cannot take man do you know it was a point it was a time where people the idea was that cruise ship comedy is where you went to die it was where comics went to die sure yeah and now it's flipped it seems seems. Did you resent that at the time? Were you scared about it at the time?

I had no idea what that meant. I didn't care. Sure, sure. It didn't affect me at all. As he broadcast comics, doing open mics in New York, being like, Cruise is where comedy goes to die. Yeah. I did three minutes tonight.

I didn't understand why that was. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it wasn't like, listen, I've done sets in bowling alleys that's a good that's a better place to die in a cruise ship yeah i've done sets in subways i've done sets i've done sets in hospitals i've done i mean there's so many other places where comedy dies are there rules on content like can you swear like are there on carnival no you can't swear no carnival is free range oh you can do whatever oh man i was look i was slapped long before chris rock was yeah fucking people i've been rusted i've been rusted on the stage a couple of times man

it's free range and you don't and they didn't get as much publicity as no because you're in the middle of the fucking ocean man and no one's taking pictures because they tell you you're copyright bullshit. Was it, was it a random, like, did you say, were you like having an interaction or did they just,

I, yeah. Okay. Yes, I did interact. Okay. My, I might've wrote her.

So it wasn't like she cocked and slapped me. She was very playful about it. She like, you know, and then split. The one dude, this one guy, he was ready to really attack me. But he was just embarrassed. Yeah. And he was, I'm doing my set. He heckles.

I respond. We're going back and forth his wife is trying to stop him he doesn't stop she up and leaves i'm like go get your woman he's like no i'm like what do you mean no you're on vacation i'm not gonna let you manipulate me i'm like what do you mean manipulate you dude you you just your wife whoever she was, just left you. That's not a way to hide. Go get her. Go get your woman. And then the audience is like, go get your woman.

Go get your wife. Oh, no. He's really pissed now. So he gets up and he walks across. And as soon as he gets to, like, stage left, he just rushes me. And I got the mic stand. I'm like, I'm going to go Hemingway. I'm going to go Old Man in the Sea.

I've never read Old Man in the Sea, but I feel like you gave away the ending. I was going to spear this dude with the mic stand. Yeah. I had to protect myself. And luckily, people rushed the stage and stopped him. That's nice. But yes, there are, as opposed to the other end of the spectrum, Holland America, octogenarian passengers.

People pass away very much, very often on ships because they're older, retired. Sure, yeah. Very quiet. You know, it's more of a classic cruise line so um you know the late set is that like 9 8 39 yeah latest after that there's no disco you know yeah it's very quiet so there you would have to really be there's no cursing there's just you know pg material has anyone ever died during one of your sets?

During the set? Not that I know of. I don't know. I've had fights break out. Sure. But no, no, I don't think anyone's died during my set. I've seen guys, or I've seen, like, one of the last people to be, who I've seen people that, you know, the next morning were dead. Wow. You know, so. one of the last people to be who have seen people that you know the next morning were dead wow you know so on especially on i mean holland america man yeah they don't stock their refrigerators to the fullest they need that room oh my god yeah when someone dies did

will they keep them on board until or does something come to pick them up yeah yeah you gotta leave them on board you hit port you don't they have a a what is it called where you put dead people a more more more no no they put them in refrigerator there's no more they put them in refrigerator that's the more i hope it's cordoned off from the food that's why i say they don't pack the fridge oh i see i see we got it oh god um well uh uh let's go on to our our next time with this gotta stop this has got to stop this has got to stop uh do you have this gotta stop for us this has got to stop just anything that's going on where you're like i'm noticing this trend or this thing in your life something that you're like this is we gotta stop doing this thing yeah we gotta uh we gotta stop doing this thing we gotta stop enabling

stupidity this has got to stop and it's got to stop at the highest levels so it's got to start in Washington and it's just got to spread also it's got to spread to the cruise industry this has got to stop

big women out of Louisiana it's got to stop to the cruise industry. This has got to stop. Big women out of Louisiana. It's got to stop. Wait. I mean, not the women, but what they're doing in Louisiana. It's got to stop the big women. I love big women. Don't get me wrong, but they have got to stop doing what they're doing. What is it that they're doing?

We don't know what the big women are doing in Louisiana. What if we just agree with this? Like, mm-hmm. Finally. What's happening? Specifically to Louisiana. don't know what the big women are doing in louisiana what is we what if we just agree with this like finally what what are specifically louisiana specifically because um the food in louisiana is amazing oh yeah amazing comfort food that sticks to the ribs and you're saying the women in louisiana are eating too much comfort food i think so so you're saying the women in louisiana have to stop eating so much comfort food that's gotta stop i think they should okay okay okay we have to remember i can't go on board you're free to what about what about you're gonna leave me hanging on this okay okay we have to remember i can't go on board and agree with you there you're you're free to what about what about you're gonna leave me hanging on this one

uh what about what about the big men in louisiana there's some big men too yeah and they're encouraging it all right well the downside would like to disclose, this is the guest view. We love the big women in Louisiana. Who's a big Louisiana woman? You know a big Louisiana woman? I don't, but I do love Louisiana.

Don't get me wrong. I love Louisiana women, but they have an amazing fashion sense. What happened? No, this is very funny. Just these days, you know, sometimes people get upset. Did you get a letter from a Louisiana woman? Not yet, but I feel like the moment I release this episode. We will.

Listen, should I look at this camera? Sure. I just came back from New Orleans. I love big women. big women is some good loving but i'll tell you what i've seen some crazy outfits i mean it looked like i should stop wait no no i'm confused is it is it the eating or is it the outfits now? It sounds different now. It's kind of a combination. Okay.

Okay. Not only are we criticizing their eating, it's also their fashion sense. I spent 15 days on a ship out of Louisiana in New Orleans. I love New Orleans. I love New Orleans. I had a po' boy, I had an oyster po' boy at Miletus. So you're eating this food too? What the fuck? I love it. I can't stop. I had a po' boy, I had an oyster po' boy at Miletus. So you're eating this food too? I love it. I can't stop.

I could never live in Louisiana. Sure. I would have diabetes in an hour. And that's, I mean, I just love the food so much. And I can show you the pictures of me at Mardi Gras. Oh, you went to Mardi Gras this year? No, no, no, no, no, no. This was like

a few years back. I was at Mardi Gras. I went this year. Didardi Gras this year? No, no, no, no, no, no. This was like a few years back. I was at Mardi Gras. I went this year. Did you? Yeah. How was it? It was amazing. Everything was open? Everything was open.

You said you loved it, but you were complaining about those Louisiana women. No, I wasn't. I actually got COVID in Mardi Gras this year, but everything was open. It was great. It was an amazing time. And anybody, any woman in louisiana who's

ever seen my act knows how much i love big women okay i love a big girl came around to this has got to continue big women louisiana has this big okay should we stop with that no listen listen speak your truth let's go to our final segment. You better count your blessings. All right, this is the little positive part of the show. Other than Roe v. Wade being overturned, what's your blessing, Russell? Oh, fuck you.

My blessing right now is these fucking sun chips these cheddar harvest sun chips that i wasn't allowed to eat during this podcast recording and now i'm gonna loudly open them towards the podcast now i'm gonna be able to eat them and that is my blessing because i didn't have lunch yet and i'm hungry um what is yours uh my blessing and this is actually my blessing before this episode is uh women in louisiana uh that has i love them and i love the fashion sense too i love everything about them so that's my blessing have you been beaten up by a woman from louisiana once again not yet but i have a feeling i have a feeling after this podcast i'm gonna be beaten up by uh did i have a feeling, I have a feeling after this podcast, I'm going to be beaten up by. Did I have a blessing?

Oh, I will say, yes, I will say I was in, I was in Houston and I got this comic from Austin named Sean Riley. You can't wait. I'm not, I'm just putting here. Staging the chips. Okay. Oh, you're in Houston. I was in Houston. A comic named sean riley he's a comic from austin he's uh helped been helping caption all my videos and uh i i brought him uh

to to be one of the openers for my houston shows and uh he did a great job he's fantastic to work with and we went to a shooting range. And it was a cool experience. Yeah. I could see doing it again. Yeah. I don't know if that's a good thing. I had fun when I lived in Texas and I went shooting several times.

I didn't know that. Do you have good aim? Yeah, I was pretty good at the skeet shooting. When I lived in West Texas for a summer, there were a bunch of guys that were from that area that i was friends with that um like they had like like like ranches and things and like they would that would be something you'd do a lot of like to shooting yeah and they'd have like crazy guns where you're like they're like they're i don't think they're fully legal but like sure but like um uh it was something i you know in my head i was like this is like i'm not gonna be into this but then i i had fun like

yeah i mean yeah yeah i mean talking to these talking to the guy who's very nice the guy who like gave us the instruction we had to do the session like it's one of these things he was like a nice guy who loves guns you're like this, this is someone you're going to pry it from his cold, dead hands. This man loves guns. And I think witnessing up front, it's more just like, you're like,

this isn't going away. Yeah. No. So you got to figure something else out. Yeah. But yeah, I, when I was younger at camps,

I used to be, I used to have good aim because I was bad at everything athletic, but we used to do lying down rifles or whatever and i always had decent aim yeah um and then then i thought i was good but then my my sean riley he was his really good the guy was like oh my god you you were you were made for schools yeah um so do you have a a blessing to see us out um i do but it's really vague. That's fine. Every day, I'm just happy to be out here doing what I'm able to do. That's the blessing.

I say this after every set. Not many of us get to make a living at what we do, and that's the blessing. And each and every person in our audience makes that possible, so that makes them part of the blessing. So that, I mean, that's it. It's just being able to live a little happier than, you know, maybe I think better than a lot of other people

because I have that blessing. Yeah, yeah. You know, I mean, comedy has done a lot for me. I can't really... I fought it for so long. I fought it for years. Didn't want to do it. Started kind of late for me, but it's working out.

Yeah, yeah. Taking care of my wife and family. Because I can't really... It's not where I thought I'd go not where I had all these aspirations sites and opportunities that I may not have really taken full advantage of but I didn't land pretty

I didn't land in a bad spot so I think that's that's the blessing today that's fantastic let's do final segment of uh plugs russell's anything you need to plug this is coming up may 24th nope great uh for those listening this weekend i'm going to be headlining comics mohegan sun in uncasville uncasville great room yeah yeah i'm excited i've been there many times so i'm excited uh june second through

fourth i'll be in lowell arkansas headlining the grove comedy club then i'm doing a run of one nighter so please come tell your friends to come uh june 5th headlining the brea improv the improv and brea uh then i'm going to be in san diego um uh then san francisco headlining Cobbs Comedy Club, June 12th, then headlining the Sacramento Punchline, June 15th, and the Hereafter Crocodile, some shit, June 16th in Seattle. But again, go find me on Instagram, join the text list, join the email list for upcoming shows, and then, of course, the live podcast, August 14th. Let's sell it out. We sold out the last one, and the sister show, The Silver Lining, right after that,ust 14th let's sell it out we sold out the last one and the sister show the silver lining right of that august 14th links in show notes anything you would like to plug any cruise lines you want to just give a shout out to the hey listen don't be afraid come out there and uh hey really cruise it's really cheap right now i'm going to be on

the carnival valor i'm hooked on phonics i'm going to be on the Carnival Valor. I'm hooked on Phonics. I'm going to be on the Carnival Valor on the 26th. That's out of New Orleans. So if you want to go find Derek and smack him in the face on stage, just know we'll make the news and you're free to do it. Carnival Valor out of New Orleans, right by the Riverwalk. You know where it is and well this was a good dark episode and

just remember even if you don't want to be a cruise ship comedian with the way sea levels are rising soon the only thing fun will be able to do is cruise ships and we'll all be cruise ships everything this is the downside 1, 2, 3 Downside The Downside. One, two, three. The Downside.

Get on down. Yeah.