The Downside with Gianmarco Soresi - #87 Handsome Gay Teacher with Joe Dombrowski

Episode Date: June 7, 2022

Joe Dombrowski shares the downsides of not coming out on Ellen, a summer camp for terminally ill children that taught him the power of comedy, having a classroom snake even though it’s expressly against the rules, and all the things people need to stop doing at Disney World. Russell also shares his famous dead fox story. You can watch full video of this episode HERE! Follow Joe Dombrowski on Instagram and TikTok See Joe in a city near you Follow Gianmarco Soresi on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, & YouTube Subscribe to Gianmarco Soresi's email & texting lists Check out Gianmarco Soresi's monthly show in NYC (first Sunday of every month) Get tickets to see Gianmarco Soresi in a city near you Watch Gianmarco Soresi's special "Shelf Life" on Amazon Follow Russell Daniels on Twitter & Instagram E-mail the show at [e-mail] Produced by Paige Asachika & Gianmarco Soresi Video edited by Spencer Sileo Special Thanks Tovah Silbermann Part of the Authentic Podcast Network Original music by Douglas Goodhart Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

thing you want us to like not talk about no cool maybe roe v wade sure if we cannot if that's okay but also i'm waiting over here there was a protest i walked past a protest on my way here i think protests in new york can be funny sometimes because everyone here kind of agrees oh yeah so it's more like a parade if you if you kept if you kept marching all the way into long island well my mom after it wasn't announced last week or whenever that was she called and she's like i hope you're out there protesting i was like i hope you're out there protesting in upstate fucking new york like we're like it's wildly conservative and like yeah i mean yeah everyone is pulling their weight here in terms of protesting. I don't know if it makes as big of a impact.

It's just like chanting everyone on the side of the sidewalks like, we agree. We all agree. Yeah. Okay, we'll keep it here. Let me just, can you talk for a second? Yeah. So this protest really surprised me too because it was almost exclusively, like, it was like high school kids.

Oh. And I was like. That's good. So when we were in high school, we would like dick around the mall and smoke weed behind a dumpster. And like now high school kids, like the cool thing to do is like go protest. And I'm like, am I a grandfather now? I'm like, I'm like blown the fuck away.

Blown away. Great for them. Yeah. But also I was like, that's a lot. Russell, talk for a second. Hello. And this is. Can you.

Hello. Just one hello. Yeah. Because then when you play it back, you'll hear it and it's fine. Good for you for doing your own this. I do it out of the goodness of my heart, not a lack of money coming in, preventing me from hiring people to do it for me. Welcome, welcome to The Downside. If you're watching the video,

I am dressed like one of your personal heroes, Roy Cohn. I had an audition for Roy Cohn. I don't think I got it. I haven't even submitted it yet. I'm calling it right now. Were you going to tell me that it was Roy Cohn? I caught you watching your own tape back

and figured it out. You say it like I was watching it like, ooh, so good. No, you walked in and you said, oh, look at that big Jew nose. I bet you're auditioning to play Roy Cohn. And I said, this is my regular nose. I didn't do anything to it. That was one of his distinct features. He had a schnoz.

They would have to add something if i got this role yeah why do you think you didn't get it oh because i because as russell said i was watching the tape back as he walked in and russell said who is that russell's no it sounded good no it was like you know it was like he has like an accent and he's a little bit of a character so i tried to do a little bit that's not my it not my thing. That's not my thing and I become Brooklyn and I did this little weird tongue thing Roy does and I need to

study. I need to study for three months. You never know. You never know. I'm going to say I know Joe. It could be a project that's not that good and then they end it up. So I'm here. I'm joined by my very supportive co-host Russell Daniels and we're so excited. So glad'm here. I'm joined by my very supportive co-host, Russell Daniels. And we're so excited.

So glad to have you. Busy man. Joe Dombrowski, Mr. D. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Thanks for having me. Stoked. Now, can you say something negative to kick off this music?

Something sad. Yeah. This is actually really sad. And it plays right into your audition. This is actually really sad, and it plays right into your audition. So I'm in a rabbit hole of really bad manipulative situations that happen in the world, specifically fraud. So recently fell down a rabbit hole of all things Anna Delvey, and then re-fell down the rabbit hole of Elizabeth Holmes. And something really sad that pissed me off was the fact that Amanda Seyfried. Not famous enough yet, I guess.

She knocked it out of the park with her Elizabeth Holmes act, right? But so did, it's Julia Roberts. Julia Fox. No, it's something It's Julia Roberts. Julia Fox. No, it's something. Wait, is it Julia Fox? No, it's Julia Roberts. Emma Roberts. Julia Roberts is nice.

Uh huh. Was Anna Delvey in that one. Right. Which our friend Chris was in. Wait, but no, that's a different actor because it's it's her name is Julie. Julia something. The one from the Netflix one. Right. Oh, that's a different actor. Because her name's Julia something. The one from the Netflix one, right? Oh, I'm wrong.

It's not Emma Roberts. But I know what I'm talking about. She's on Ozark. Yes, yes, yes, her. Yes, yes. Shit, I'm mixing up my blonde white girls. So she, how dare you. Russell gets really upset when you mix up white people.

I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, forgive me. Don't cancel me. It's a lot of, like, that was my two for the show. She killed it, too, but she got a lot of hate and backlash because the impression

was so spot on and Anna Delvey's so unlikable and her accent as a human is so bad that the actress, people were like, no, bad job, bad job. And really,

it was fucking perfect. And this is where I'm starting because I'm pissed this is the downside you're listening to the downside which on Marco Ceresi what I love I haven't watched it cuz I feel like especially with Elizabeth Holmes I felt like like I remember reading about her when she was exploding. In real time. In real time. So part of me is like, I know everything that happens. I've read so many articles about it throughout the years.

I don't want to repeat it. Did you watch the HBO documentary on it? I think I did. Yeah, because I watched that. So that's why I haven't revisited it yet either. Yeah. I feel like I either listened to a whole audio book. I love it because her and the WeWork guy, you'll see these old execs and they'll be like,

you know, Elizabeth, when she walked in a room, she just had a charisma that made you believe in her vision. Cut to Elizabeth. Hello. Welcome to Theranos. And you're like, oh, the bar is so low. Cut to the WeWork guy, and he's like, I think WeWork is a place for community. And they're like, whoa, here's a billion dollars. I can't get $10 for a Kickstarter for a web series.

And they get billions. And I'm like, I should have done that. Just lied. Just not even made the web series. Not even written a goddamn thing. Just been like like talked about how amazing it is in a funny voice yeah the accent helped and her like i wonder what her natural voice is but that voice down here the fact that i just think some of these older guys a blonde

woman had never even talked to them before and they were like here's a billion dollars for speaking to me 100 and so then when i was falling down this rabbit hole for probably the third time now, I found clips of her accidentally speaking in her regular voice. She's like in an interview and she's like, oh yeah. Oh, it's really actually. Oh, I didn't know that. It's like, girl, you're like all sorts of psychosis. I can't.

I can't imagine. There's some great clips of Kanye West not realizing he's on camera and he's like smiling, having a good time with his daughter and then he sees the camera and he's like,

no, I'm dark now. I'm depressed. Yeah, no. Well, we're very excited to have you. I'm excited to talk about the downsides

of especially teaching. Oh, bitch. But yeah, Russell, you've been, what were you about to say? No, what were you going to say and then I'll. You're about to be yeah, Russell, you've been, what were you about to say? No, what were you going to say? And then I'll-

You're about to be like, oh, I don't know anything about the guests. So that was new information for you. No, no, no. I remember. I know that he's a teacher. I was going to ask, do you currently teach

or do you currently like sub? Do you have like a long time full position or are you like a substitute or what's the deal? Russell, I feel as though if i had a full time teaching position i'd be fired well that's that's one of my i think my biggest questions um uh well let's let's just was there was there anything anything you wanted to no let's dive in let's dive in i uh yeah i mean there's nothing to say i've just been watching

for the last three days. So, yeah. I taught for 10 years. Wow. 10 years of elementary school. And then finally left to, like, really beef it up in comedy. So what, you started, you were a performer growing up. You're a theater kid. Very much so.

And then what did you go to college for? Teaching. Teaching. Wait, this is funny. Originally went to college to be a herpetologist, which is the study of reptiles. Because in my 18-year-old brain, I was going to collect snakes in the wild and extract their venom for doctors to use for anti-venom. What poisonous snakes do we have in Michigan, bitch? Job security, gone. You wanted to do it locally, too.

Yeah, I was just like, we're going to fucking do this. Locally sourced venom. Right. to do it locally, too. Yeah, I was just like, we're going to fucking do this. Locally sourced Venom. Right. Why? You were a theater. How were you? High school, doing a lot of theater? Lots of theater.

Venom on the side. You were not having any sex. What do you mean, why? He wanted to save one to three lives a year. How many people get bitten by Venom? In Michigan. In Michigan. Literally.

Fucking idiot. So I didn't know. I was definitely a theater kid kid and I definitely was involved. Wanted to pursue it professionally. Parents wouldn't let me. They were very much like, you don't need a degree to do it. We're not going to pay for you to do it. So they were like, get a degree in something else and just keep that aside.

Did you fight? Any fights about this? Absolutely. So I was doing, I was like studying teaching, but I was, nobody really liked this, but I'd audition for the plays at school, at university and make it. But I wasn't a acting or theater major. And they were like, who is this? I know. And I was like, I'm so sorry.

My parents don't want me, but I'm good enough. Wait, so you went to college? Where'd you go to college? Central Michigan University. Central Michigan. Because I've performed

in Royal Oak. You've performed in Royal Oak, I assume. Royal Oak is where I taught school in Royal Oak. You did Ridley's? Of course, yeah.

I worked down the street. I have this bit from there because I asked the host I said is there a good place to get a salad around here he said oh yeah it's a pretty liberal area and it's this bit

of just about how how it becomes you know it's it's a lifestyle and then it turns into an abortion joke but it is it is

that's beautiful it did have good salads Royal Oak is beautiful I like Detroit I like Royal Oak yeah so you went to college first for herpetology? No, that was the vish.

The vish. And then I realized no snakes. So then I... How long was the vish? I mean, was it one Google search? It was like a summer of reptiles. Did you just like snakes? Love animals.

Oh, but snakes. Snakes specifically. If there was a snake here, would you touch it? Fuck yeah. I had snakes in my classroom. Like, those were our class pets. Did you feed the mice in front of the...

I did. So my whole... Some of the little boys were like, can we watch? And sometimes I'd be like, don't tell your parents. Yeah.

Boop. Drop it in. Yeah. Was that part of the school rules that you can't show your kids? Part of the school rules was no class pets, period. And I don't really do rules. Sure.

So I just kind of did what I wanted the whole time I taught. So that's why we had snakes in the classroom. But what was a catastrophe is when it got lost in the school. That was cute. Oh, no. What kind of snake? We had two. We had a corn snake and a ball python.

So is this a public school or a private school? Public. Public. And do you ever get in trouble for breaking the snake rule? All the time. All the time. And you were just good at talking right out of it. Yeah, I was just like, I'll release the snakes in your office.

John Marco, it is. There's no rules. It's spin. It's acting. Teaching is acting. So they come in and. There's no rules. It's spent. It's acting. Teaching is acting. So they come in and I'd be like, look at these faces. They're learning responsibility. They're learning about how to care for life.

And honestly, I'm providing that opportunity for them and it's beautiful. And if I didn't bend the rules a little bit, they may never have an experience with an animal. And I think that that's great what I'm doing. Mouse alive or dead? Depending on the day. Oh, man. That would upset me as a kid. I did keep a bag full of frozen ones because I ended up buying them in bulk in the teacher's freezer and refrigerator.

And someone did accidentally open it and flip the fuck out. That was one of the times I did get in trouble for real, for real. Did you put your name on the bag? No, it was unlabeled. Oh, my God. You got a label. What were they doing opening the bag? That's on you a little bit.

Well, that wasn't yours. It wasn't yours. So get out of my stuff, man. Now you see. How were they packed? Is it like a sack of nerds? The weirdest. Is it packaged one mouse in pouches?

They're all in the same position and like layered like lasagna so there's nothing separating this mouse from this mouse you have to take it off oh man i don't like that could you could you touch that i wouldn't want to know that would be that would be a tough oh so uh uh okay you went to college yeah we've established i'm a freak yes you you went to college for teaching you graduated yeah and did you start what is it like to be a teacher after college what's like the oh you i think the word is i'm looking for is poor poor sure yeah sure very poor very poor it's like a big ass struggle. So I had started, I started comedy for real, for real the year before I graduated. Okay.

So then when I got my first teaching job, I was doing $10 spots, $20 spots, legit to put gas in my car. Where? All around Michigan. Okay. So I was literally, in Michigan, there's not a lot of places to perform. So you drive and you go. A lot of bar shows, but what really does it is corporates.

Like companies would be like, we need a comedian. And you're like, ding. Sure. So just do it. And then I did a lot of improv too in Michigan. And that was like the only way you can perform consistently because they'd have like shows over and over

do you hate me do you hate me now he's just a rough improvise oh am I yeah wait so when you did start teaching what grade like you're you have your full classroom like you're it's not like a specialty thing like you're you're doing what grade? Like, you're a full classroom. Like, it's not like a specialty thing.

Like, you're doing what grade? So, my first job ever was fourth. Okay. I taught fourth for the longest. And then I've taught everything kindergarten to sixth grade, except first and second. Wow. Kindergarten to sixth grade. What's puberty?

Fifth grade? It depends on the person. Sure. For girls, fourth grade, it'll start. So, is that a tough? I just imagine puberty, like those are the toughest teaching years. You're really understating it. It's terrible. Yeah.

It's terrible. Tears galore, fucking emotions, blood. It's just like, there's so much bullshit. Not just the mouse blood, just the blood everywhere. Mean, catty, just bullshit. What made you, do they, so much bullshit. Not just the mouse blood. Just the blood everywhere. Mean, catty, just bullshit. What made you, do they, so, okay, so when you graduate with a teaching degree, do you have any say in what grade you're going to start teaching? Not really. So, you, this is the fucked up part.

Am I swearing too much? Do we swear? Oh, my God. Dear God, please. I'm certified to teach kindergarten through eighth grade isn't that psychotic like i could teach a five-year-old or a 13-year-old like that they're so different but that's what my certification was and then you do a student teaching placement so you work for free for a year i was placed in fifth grade

you teach for free does that mean you got some of the college paid for because you taught for free? No, no, no. It's awful. It's awful. Because I went to school to be a teacher, too. Oh, yeah. And it was what caused me not to go into teaching was student teaching.

You saw the light. I hate this so much. A year of no money. None. And you're full-time teaching. And you're paying to go to college at the same time. And you're paying for, like, to live somewhere that you don't live normally.

Who established it? Is this a government thing? Is this a teaching union thing? What is it? I wish I could tell you who established it. But it is like it is what happens in the United States to get your teaching certificate. All schools everywhere. It's either a full year or a semester.

So you're just accruing debt. Yes. 100%. And you can't get another job. No. You're not even just teaching. They're making you do weird exams. Everything seminars outside of of the hours for a club yeah like teach teach uh help direct the musical at the school like you are doing everything as a

teacher would and then because also a lot of teachers i i've had some people talk to that they say like no that they weren't allowed to do that much. Both of my teachers when I did it were like, have at it. I'm like day two. So yeah, just like I fully taught. And they're they because it gives them a break. They just sit back in the back of the room and they get full salary. Yes.

Yeah. Now I had a different experience, though. My cooperating student teacher, she was a fucking boss. She stuck with me like the whole way. And we like team taught together because she was really invested in it yeah she was really really good and she saw the bullshit she's like if he's gonna be not good but great yeah we're gonna work together and i'm not just gonna sit in the computer lab which is what most people do but yeah you're you're making zero coin but I was doing comedy at night, freaking the fuck out.

Because the only jobs you can have are nighttime jobs. Bartender, comedian, stripper probably. Sure. Get caught for any of those things. You're out of there. The school said you're not allowed to do that? No. That you're getting the degree from?

Unwritten rule. Yeah, it's like you're not supposed to work. I feel like there was a system in place where you have to ask for permission to do it but but it would it would it was very frowned upon who would you ask permission to like you're there's like supervisors that are in charge of like your placement that are not the teachers at the school but like they're like they kind of like are running your thing it's fear-based too so if i went to go get a job and my boss knew that I was a bartender, they'd just be like, oh, yeah, when you interview,

I'm going to tell them you're a bartender. And so is this your fourth year of college that you're doing this? Or this is after you graduate? No, bitch, this is your fifth year. Fifth year. Fifth and five years in debt. It's different here. Where'd you go?

I went to music school up at SUNY Potsdam, the Crane School of Music there. New York. In New York, yeah. Oh, okay. So it was like three and a half. It's like, for me, it was one, it was six months, and it was like a half semester. Is the curriculum a little bit lighter as you teach? So your fifth year is the worst.

Is it the worst year of it all? Yeah. Okay. It's when you're fed to the wolves. the worst is it the worst year of it all yeah it's okay it's when you're fed to the wolves and what made you want to this is enough for me to say i would never teach ever why why why that that sounds so awful i'm kind of upset so here's the thing i like get really deep a lot and when i was trying to so when you first decide you want to be a teacher you take this intro course and they kind of let you dabble into all grades all subject do you

want to teach art to high school do you want to teach special ed kindergarten like you just try everything right yeah and that summer i was a camp counselor at a summer camp for terminally ill children and there was a high rope school it was that outside yeah this place this this um they had a high ropes course right and i was took my all my campers over at this point like right yeah right i took all my campers over and i had one kid who was fully wheelchair bound his legs didn't work and he was like i can't do this this is bullshit well the whole thing was it was built so we could put someone in a wheelchair through the whole high rope squares and he wouldn't do it so i used humor i just started making him laugh i'm like you can't do it you fucking can't like whatever and he's like cracking up he's like yeah kid i'm like no you can't because your legs don't work

and he's like i can't do it and we're like laughing and he did it he went up and he did it and like i'm so glad he did and didn't just break down crying and you're right my legs don't work could have went real wrong but he like watching his face this like uninhibited joy i can do it and i used like humor to get him to reach his potential I was just like let's fucking go that must have been wait the camp

was for terminally ill kids oh man I think it was cancer week even oh my god wait I'm sorry cancer week

so this camp they have a different week each week is a different terminally ill disease like the week after and they are like, it varies. So I did like cancer, then sickle cell week, and then it was transplant week. It was like nuts.

And you got to like learn all this. It was fucking crazy. I mean, psychologically, that feels like, what was that like? Because then you're like, at the end of the week, you're saying bye. Maybe forever. Yeah. like what was that like to like because then you're like the end of the week you're saying bye like maybe forever yeah so you don't have to worry about like pretending you're gonna write letters i guess oh my god it's just these kids don't give a fuck like and that's what it was they were uh so i was in charge of the fourth graders so we're like nine turning time oh my god yeah and it's just like you're just having the time of your life with these kids and like here's the thing with teaching you either

got it or you don't got it i remember from ap psychology class there was some something where they could watch a teacher teaching for two seconds with no sound and people could generally guess who was good and who wasn't where i would love to watch that. It was, I mean, I took this in high school. I just remember it was like a psychology test that was just about, you know, natural abilities or whatever. Yeah, yeah. And it does, it's sad because I would have some teachers that this was their profession. And two seconds in, you're like, you shouldn't have done this. Yeah.

I'm real honest with it, though. So most of my corporates are universities, but not like we hired a comedian. It's like we hired you for the department of education for the staff. And I always tell the staff, like, you know, who's bad, get them out.

Like tell them you got to choose something else. This isn't for you because who is going to do that? I know comedians that I should say that it's different though, because the product is kids. So like they should, cause if you let this person who you know can't do it get into it, the kids are losing. Well, sure. Well, that's what I do want to get to, like, talking about tenure and stuff. Because I certainly had, I had college professors in musical theater where, like, some of them were bad.

Bad, bad, bad. And we're paying egregious amounts of money. Just, just terrible. So, bad. And we're paying egregious sums of money. Just terrible. Okay, so you did that camp. And you were like, this is my call. Did that camp solidify it for you? No. It was still comedy.

It was still performance. You leave the kids behind. You're like, you've inspired me to never do this again. Well, I knew the whole time. It was never an if. It was a when I blow up, I'm out. But I can do this in the meantime. I also do this again. Well, I knew the whole time. I was like, it was never an, if it was a, when I blow up, I'm out, but I can do this in the meantime.

I, I also love this, but it was never my end all. It was never my end all. Okay. So, so you, you finally did this year,

this free year, freebie year for fourth graders, student teaching, student teaching, fifth graders, fifth graders. And then once you finish that, then do you get hired by that same school was that your test at that school that's what most people would want it did not work out that way for me i got hired at a different

school thank god coolest boss i've ever had best staff i've ever had was the best so i'm lucky that it worked and that was fourth grade right there? Yep. Did you ever teach like kindergarten? Yeah, oh my favorite. Kindergarten's your favorite? Absolute favorite. Why? Because they don't know school. Sure. You can just, I could literally go to school drunk and they'd be like, oh the tall man's fun today. And that would

be it. But there's so much fun. The shit that they say is off the wall. And that shit keeps me going every day. I could never sit in a cubicle all day and just crunch numbers. And, like, no, it has to be exciting and different. Kindergarten, the differentest.

Well, I loved my kindergarten teacher, and so did my father. You don't forget it. And that's what ended up getting her fired from the school. But she was. For real? Yeah. I think they started. I don't know if they. They definitely started fucking when yeah i think they started i don't know they they definitely started fucking when i was in kindergarten legal stop it no but yeah 100 oh

100 yeah oh yeah and she was she was she was so cool again looking back i'm like well she was probably just really nice to me so she could fuck my dad but uh yeah they started dating i just remember i remember like, I probably mistakenly went to school and was like, oh yeah, Miss Vance stayed over last night. And the kids were like, oh, I shouldn't have, fuck.

No, she changed her name. It's okay. She changed her name. She got remarried. But then I still have to get the truth because I always get my dad's version of the truth growing up. And then later my mom's like,

well, actually this was your father's fault. I'm like, oh, my God, it really was. But I think at least the story I was told, my mom and stepdad told the school, you know, it's inappropriate that she's fucking his dad or whatever. And that's the language they used. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But I remember we did Halloween together.

She was great. She was great. And she had a daughter that was my age too. And we were like friends. And we were both from fucked up families. Clearly. Oh, wow. So kindergarten was your favorite.

But you ended up teaching fourth. What's the hardest? I personally think fifth grade. Right before they're going into middle school. They're top of the elementary thing. So they think they're hot shit. But they're going into middle school. Because that's when the guys join the puberty too. They don't know what they, they're top of the elementary thing. So they think they're hot shit, but they're also confused. They're going through puberty.

Yep. Yeah. And it's, it's attitudes galore. Fifth grade. And it's not, it's not wrong, but fifth grade is where you start to learn limits.

So they're constantly pushing it because they're realizing what you can get away with. Now, to me, the American education system, too loosey goosey. They let these kids get away with too much. And I'm sorry, you gotta fucking knock them on their ass the first time they fuck it up.

You can't do this fun little frou-frou, let's talk about it. What does knock them on the ass mean? It's gotta be a hard consequence. A lot of hitting. There's no real hitting. It got to be a hard consequence. A lot of hitting. A lot of hitting. There's no real hitting. It's got to be a hard consequence.

It's got to be a hard consequence. What is a hard consequence for a kid? Oh, so you've been preparing for the talent show the whole year. You really overstepped your boundaries in this class. Like the time maybe you called me an ass fuck. Kid did call me an ass fuck. Ass fuck. Really?

So to me, I'd be like, you're not in the talent show and we're holding you to that because that would crush that kid. I was that kid, but they won't do it again. Sure. And now they're all like, you have to have a sit down and talk and dialogue. No consequences. I'm like, that doesn't do anything yeah so if you try to do that with a fifth grader they're gonna walk all over you because they're smart as hell can i

tell you my proudest moment as a substitute because i can't wait for this was uh i subbed in a very small school that only had like it was basically like each grade was just one class so because they only had like 25 to 30 kids per grade yeah Yeah. So it was like every year you're going with the same group of kids. So this group of fourth grade students have been together since kindergarten. And they kind of had a reputation in the school as being like very, very difficult. That's a thing. And they go.

And so, and so the fourth grade teacher that they had had a heart attack, like, like, like some could say from stress from this group so i was out of college at the time so i was gonna be home mid-may to like end of june and school ends in new york so i was gonna be with them for like four or five weeks this group of fourth graders and it was it was a lot i mean they were like they were insane and they would like

they would be trying to call 9-1-1 like when if you turn call 911. They were doing all sorts of things. And so the teacher left plans though. Somehow. I don't know. In her heart attack she left plans. She wrote them in hospice. They had to do some presentation at morning program

and it was like they had all week to prepare for it. So we put them in groups. They're in each group and there was a group of boys week to prepare for it so we put them in groups uh they're in their each group and there was a group of boys four boys that were terrible just like always causing trouble and uh i said to them every day for this 30 minute window when they got to work on this presentation that they were going to do friday like they weren't working on it they weren't doing it i was like just so you know you're going to be up there for five minutes on friday no matter what even if you don't have anything to show.

And so they're like, oh, yeah. I'm like, every day I tell them that. So end of two weeks comes. It's time for them to present their five-minute presentation and morning program. All the other groups go, do great, blah, blah, blah. The boys. This is a lot of people. Yeah.

They have nothing on their paper. And I make them go up. And they're like, we don't have nothing on their paper. And I make them go up. And they're like, we don't have anything. I was like, you have to go up. And I made them go up with a blank piece of paper and a microphone. And I timed five minutes. And they just sort of passed the microphone back and forth to each other, not saying anything. And the whole school is looking looking like what am i doing like

people teachers some teachers loved it other teachers were like that was so crazy that you timed five minutes and they just kind of like shuffled the microphone back and forth to each other but i made them do it for five minutes because i told them for two weeks i was like you're gonna be up there and i'm not gonna let you get out of this and just you know no like so and when it was time, did you go? I was like, thank God. Were you laughing inside? Were you like?

No, I was, it was horrifying. I mean, it was silent. I'm surprised that you did that. I gotta be honest. Five minutes. I gotta be honest. Maybe I wasn't really. Well, it was one of those things

where you feel like you're playing chicken and you're like, I guess I'm crazy. I guess, like, it seemed insane to do. I love it. But I was like, I'm subbing i was like what am i gonna you know what's gonna happen five did you just wave like you're done uh yeah what'd you do yeah i think i just kind of was like okay and then they were like uh that's amazing amazing but i was it was i mean some i would do some people really like watch you teach unsung hero

truly honestly no i i feel like it I feel like it hurt my feelings sometimes. And you have to have a real thick skin to be able to... It's mentally exhausting. Do you know what I mean? The amount of energy. Sometimes we get done with a podcast here, I'm like, oh my God, I listened. You know what I mean?

But to really be present for 30 kids is crazy to do that five days a week it's it's it's unimaginable that that many people do it like it's it you know it's so hard so okay so so then you you moved to i love that i'm sorry it's an amazing story i love that you move so then you're fourth grade and that's your like home base for a little for a minute yeah minute, yeah. I'm very curious about, I mean, now it's in the news, about telling students that you're gay. And it was so fascinating. I had one of our most fun teachers at my school. It was a private school. It used to be super religious then like it was, and we still had chapel, and there was still a cross there, and we still said a prayer.

But generally, it was, and we still had chapel, and there was still a cross there, and we still said a prayer. But generally, it was in Maryland. Generally, East Coast, everyone's parents were probably Republican for the tax break, but they were all pretty socially liberal.

And so we had this teacher. Catholic school? No, it's just like it had been way back in the past. Got it. So there were the echoes of it, but not really anymore.

Feel you. But definitely like, not particularly diverse. Yeah. The older older big upstairs people probably still went to church and whatnot so we had a teacher he was the cool teacher and we knew he was gay it was not like a secret or anything

but he did a chapel once where he was also really into wrestling like WWF at the time and he did this his presentation was essentially how he like WWF at the time. Stop it. And he did this. This is a bit. He did, his presentation was essentially how he, and I don't think I got the metaphor at all at the time,

but he was really into wrestling and no one in his friend group or school liked wrestling. And then one day he went to a wrestling event and he was surrounded by other people who were into wrestling and how at home he felt. And somehow it was revealed or the parents decided this was a metaphor for him being like gay and not being with other gay people then finally being i don't know what the equivalent would be just a big orgy and everyone's fucking he's like great but it was it was it was one of these moments where like – I've always wanted to have him on the podcast too because I think he got in some kind of – school probably stood up for him.

But it was just one of those moments. I feel very thankful. I ended up being in theater and being kind of with so many gay people. at a young age i i uh knew about gay people and was not like hidden from it or or it just i'm sure everyone in that grade was more open-minded than the average person in that area because of what he taught yeah when you graduated what year did you graduate 2011 was was it ever a thought in your head of like when i'm gonna talk about this or like gay stuff um no so at the immediate time it was all about how am i gonna keep this a secret like i went back into the closet to teach when did you do you mind if i ask 14 14 14 so when you went to school when you went to college did you go like oh if i, if I'm going to be a teacher, I'm not going to.

It wasn't that I said that to myself. It was told to me. Really? Oh, yeah. In the program. Like, you don't let your personal life out. Like, none of this. There's no pictures of partners on your desk.

You are here for a job and you're going to be professional about it. Was it said specifically oh yeah it's specifically about as opposed to a straight person there was no alluding like i even had a professor who was like so you were not talking about gay stuff in your interview you're not okay boom oh okay and at the time did you go was there any party that was mad about it you're just like that's just the world yeah it was very at the time i don't think i think i i think mentally me as an 18 year old i was still very reverted like i did not realize this is wrong i was just like oh this is what gay people have to do and we're gonna do it sure and we're just gonna hide our life away and move along and i just went through the motions

for a while what what changed it uh going on ellen really so when you did so just so you know this is the thing that you went mega viral for yeah was a a prank you did uh what was this fourth graders too yeah where you would do a spelling test and the words were insane. What were some of the words? And honestly, it was just shit I made up on the fly. Like blorski. Really?

Yeah. Your straight face doing it is not to be, your ability to not laugh, like you don't have a hint of making it up. And I just can't even imagine doing it. Doing it.

But it was. So, okay. So, you were making these videos. Mm-hmm. And I've always been confused, though. Because were the kids ever in the videos? Their faces? So, in the very beginning, yeah.

Because I was just like fucking around. I was like, I like to have fun in the classroom. Like, let's show it. Like, the parents will see this. It'll be whatever. And posting it where? Like, Instagram instagram or facebook and you never worried or you know no one ever said hey what the fuck i don't do the rules sure so at the time i was just kind of like we're just having fun yeah this is for the community it's getting like 200 views there was a time early social media i think people didn't go like oh this could be seen by

yeah 60 million people but when it did, it changed. Sure. And that was a personal choice because then I realized this is dangerous for the kids. So then I just did voices. So it was always, then it was camera on me, voices. And I don't think, I think there would have been a problem with the spelling test video had I shown the kids. Absolutely. So that was another element of why it worked.

Was things starting to get bigger and bigger? Was the spelling like a gigantic pop? No, I was getting a name locally already. I was performing. Around this time, parents and staff were coming to shows of mine. It was growing. Is that interesting? Yeah, like if parents and other people from the school are coming to your shows.

You want the story story? Yeah, how was that for you? Like, are you super, are you editing your sets based on who's going to be there? Like, how do you feel about that? So I went to do a show one time, walked out on stage, had everything that I was going to do. And there was a table of parents from my class. And I was like, you could either do what you're going to do and bomb or change it. And I sort of was like, let's just do what you're gonna do and bomb or change it and i sort of was

like let's just do what you do and i did and they loved it so after they stayed at the bar after to see me walk out and they were like you we know you were talking about our kids and so funny so funny and i'm like okay great they loved it well it trickled they literally the next weekend they brought another family oh great and then staff started to come they wanted to see it and then my boss came to one and i was freaking out and the monday after that weekend she came to my classroom shut the door before before school started and she said um you have a gift and you need to go for this full force and i was like shut the fuck up and she let me look if i needed to take a monday off to travel if i need to take a friday off to travel she was she's like you're doing it that's so nice that's so nice and it feels like it must be a rare occurrence well because i wasn't working for her when the spelling test thing happened so

when the spelling test thing went viral the school district hired a crisis manager to tell me how i was going to divert gay questions and, and different things. And now I was not going to talk about it on TV. They actually told me I wasn't going to, they're like, you're not allowed to go on the show. We know you're going to do it anyway.

So if you are asked anything, here's your responses. And I was like, this is bullshit. Wait. So, okay. So it goes viral.

They, they, they, they know you're going to be asked for TV stuff soon? It was. There was no waiting. It was like it went viral and the news is calling. Like the same day.

So, okay, it goes viral. In your mind, are you like, I'm about to quit this job? Like what was your attitude? No, that's the thing. I knew that I had hit something. And I think niche is great so of course so I was like you're you're gonna do niche shit so I doubled down on teaching shit which really wasn't like my set at the time really yeah the more I doubled and tripled down on it and wrote

a teaching hour then it was like you're doing teacher stuff you're building this teacher audience and I was like we'll keep teaching for a while because it's what they want to see yeah so i kept doing it and then i like left part-time and then i went subbed a couple days a week and then was like out fully and um and so when you went on ellen so they they knew you were gay like they did these questions because they knew you were gay they even said can we talk about it and i was like no wait but this is fairly recent like right 2017 that's great like it's also michigan like it doesn't feel like michigan we can just went blue this last election for the first time okay yeah it just feels like that's 2017 your teacher not allowed to talk about like that's crazy and you're on allen like what you're like yeah i know that's i know very ironic so that so they when the video first

went viral articles were coming all over the place about me right and there was one article my boss called me in his office for the how many hundredth time slid this article across the table and he said what do you think about this and it said handsome gay teacher pranks class he goes and what do you think about this and it was a uk-based article i said i think the uk thinks i'm handsome what do you want what do you think about this think about right that is crazy not to mention all this attention on the school all the money and offers that were coming to the school ellen gave us 10k like how about thank you yeah how about that were you scared were you scared at all you were you worried that because you didn't know if this would last you know you could i wasn't doing comedy full-time sure i was like if i get

fired am i gonna be a full am i gonna make it it's a full-time if you were like if you had been fired and you stuck with teaching like would like other schools be like oh yeah scouting for you i already was sure i was like the offers were in like no interview offers like do you want to work like famous teachers they'll give you a bigger salary like it feels like like i never got that far to negotiate the sal but they're they were definitely like we you have a position here next year if you want it all over the world. Did any teachers resent you where they felt like, Hey, we were just, that I worked with. Yeah.

That thought like, not really. You're like a celebrity teacher. No. And they're like, I just teach math. No, then no one, there was really no weird jealousy. At least that came to me. Sure. But I also like one thing in comedy, at least that came to me. But I also, like one thing in comedy, I love to share the stage.

I love performing with other comedians. If somebody's like, can I do a guestie? I'm like, get on. Like, let's go. You're at Caroline's tonight, you said. I am. So when you went on Ellen, though, did you mention it? No. And that was they asked me if they could and i said no oh ellen asked you if they could the producers yeah sure and why did why did you say no because the district had just lambasted me with what how to handle this and that

was their whole thing yeah so i was like i can still go on the show and be myself without talking about that, which in reality, I wish that I just went for it. I still to this day get messages from gay teachers all over the place just saying, you give me so much hope and inspiration, all this shit. And it's like, did I? I guess I did. But also, like, could I have done more? To a degree, but just by existing and being popular, you know, I mean, I guess I did. But also, like, could I have done more? To a degree. But just by existing and being popular, you know, I mean, just existing and succeeding is a lot. It just feels like there's a lawsuit there for the district that, like, it boggles my mind that you could be like, you can't talk about this in 2017.

It's wild. It's crazy. But look, I mean, look at what's so. Yeah. In terms of your act have you talked at all about the florida stuff um a little bit not really my whole when you come to my show i want you to escape the world so i'm really just talking about like me and my crazy life so i don't really like get too political with that shit but i definitely talk about being gay

being a gay teacher like when the kids asked me where's your wife like wrote shit about that which yeah lends itself to which what would you say when you were when you were not sharing it took a while but when they they'd say like where's your girlfriend where's your wife i'd be like oh i can't even you know pay attention to myself i'm gonna have a wife like just dumb canned shit and then eventually it reminds me of ellen seeing ellen's early stand-up before she had come out and she's wearing like the baggiest suit you've ever seen and she's just like men are men are frustrating you're like that yeah you're like yeah yeah yeah exactly it was very

very that but also i don't think people are always like how do you come out to your class i'm like do you have to like just live yeah yeah like if they're if they are like who do you live with be like my partner he's super hot like i don't know just don't just live you know i don't think there has to be this moment of where we gather around the fire of course kids are kids are quickly quick to get on board with i feel like most anything especially when they're young you tell them what it is and they're like okay like you know i don't know i think it's so frustrating about florida 100 and i i mean some of these are just bad bad people but but it's like there's always this this weird thing about uh straight people not understanding how we talk about being straight all the time it's part of society or you see it in disney movies

or whatever and so they act like talking about a husband or a boyfriend as a man is some radical sexual act. And it's like, but you've been talking about your wife forever. Trust. And I don't know. There's a part of me that's like, no, they do understand. They're just being willfully ignorant. Well, that's a really hard thing, like, to walk into all your colleagues' classrooms and they have these pictures of their wives and their husbands, like, out on display. And yours is at the bottom of a cabinet at your desk because it can't be out there.

Like, that shit will eat you up, you know? Yeah. And no one's ever saying, we're trying to have gay teachers on day one say, I'm gay, I put dicks in my asshole. No one's doing that. D is for dicks. Right. But can we just do what everyone else does and it's not a thing? Can we just do that? That's why I was so wild about this teacher

in my middle school. Part of me is like yeah I guess I grew up in a very liberal place. I remember once, I remember distinctly, I don't know if it was the nicest thing but I was like I was reading Lord of the Rings and I was dancing and reading it out loud and this teacher uh i think i can say his name mr briar he was like he said he said joe marco i'm a i'm a gay man but that is the gayest thing i've ever seen and the class went wild we love him uh he was great he bullied you

first of all. He did. First of all. He did. I like the game teacher. Yeah. Mm-hmm. I am so dreading groceries this week. Why? You can skip it. Oh, what? Just like that?

Just like that. How about dinner with my third cousin? Skip it. Prince Fluffy's favorite treats? Skippable. Midnight snacks? Skip. My neighbor's nightly saxophone practices?

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from our families to your table, everybody milk. Visit milk.org to learn more. So then you're, you're succeeding. You're still teaching. And then I'm sure at one point the comedy starts making more money than the teaching.

Yeah. Was it, was it hard to leave the teaching? No, it was hard to leave the kids. Yeah. But the politics and the work behind teaching like i look at teaching now and i was like you were working so hard to not be able to pay your bills

like that's crazy that's so crazy so like in that aspect easy but at the same time my comedy is different like i love teaching i love profession. I think teachers deserve better. And comedy is just my vessel for change. And when I go do shows, I'm affecting, you know, Caroline's, what is it, 300-seater? And I hope that the non-teachers in that room look and say we should do better by our teachers. Because the non-teachers make decisions in education, not teachers. So I could stay in my classroom and have 30 kids and their parents and make change that way or i could tour the country and really make some shit happen and i when i flip the switch to do that in my head i'm like this is worth it yeah it's more

than comedy to me do you think at some point because your brand right now it's a lot of you talk about teaching a lot and i see that you have brand right now it's a lot of you talk about teaching a lot and i see that you have the teachers and there's a video of you realizing someone was a kindergarten teacher because they were cheering kind of in a specific way yeah do you think like after you haven't taught longer and longer do you think it'll be like you'll be disconnected from it or you'll like great question you know it's that's that's the thing with all brands i mean i mean there's a lot of there's different comedians i know i've seen some other teacher comedians i've seen some uh comedians whose brand is depression and i'm

like god forbid you ever get happy uh there's there's people there's like different different brands and it can have this real edge to it. And, of course, I imagine there's a hope to eventually open. And I'm sure it will work out. But is it strange to not be teaching anymore? Do you talk to teachers? Do you have a teacher community so you feel you're still part of that world? Great. I've never been asked this.

Great question. I don't worry about it because, so the hour that I'm working with right now, so the pandemic happened. I lost all my tour dates. I'm sitting on my ass like we all are. Kindergarten position opens up at the school across the street from where I live.

I'm like, I have the certificate. I have the degree. I'm pretty healthy. Let's go. Got that job in kindergarten. The hour I'm working with right now is about my seven months teaching kindergarten. That's it. That's go. Got that job in kindergarten. The hour I'm working with right now is about my seven months teaching kindergarten. That's it. That's all. So I have full notebooks of material from when I was teaching that I haven't even touched. I could write seven more hours just

on teaching. So there's so much more that I can do and go with. I just haven't yet. So I'm not worried about the relevancy because I know I have the material. But also my life is changing. Like my partner and I, like we want kids. Like we're probably going to get engaged soon, you know? Yeah. Super relatable shit that I just am going to be writing about my life. And my goal is to naturally just start continuing talking about the other aspects

of your life and have them come with me when you are you going to stay in seattle you're thinking fuck i don't know i don't know when you think about having a kid and then and then going through the school system first of all is going to having your kid go to a public school is that like important to you ethically no i've taught in both you've taught both and there's pros and cons of both there's pros and cons of both i like were you public school or private public and i was private public and private yeah it varies greatly state to state too about the public yeah i would imagine i mean i'm i'm glad i got private because i think i was a sensitive...

I don't know. There's some part where I'm like public, I would have been more ready for the world. Okay. But in private, I got the attention that I think I needed. I got a great theater. I got like all the theater I could dream of in high school. And I think that's what I wanted at the time. Yeah.

And I was very thankful for that. But I don't know the differences fully. What are the pros and cons to you? Well, I think teaching in both public and private, what I realized is the distribution of wealth in public education is criminal. So you have these public schools in affluent areas where those kids are going to private school. And those parents are able to not only pay the $30,000 tuition or whatever it is per year, but they're also giving so much more money to that school to let them have amazing things. But then you have this poor school, poor public school in a not great area. Those parents are working second, third, fourth jobs to put food on the table.

They're not coming in to volunteer. They're not donating materials for the fundraisers because they can't. So this school is underfunded because the parents can't provide. But if there's anywhere in this country where equality needs to be true, it's education. There needs to be adequate funding for all schools so when i see these private schools and how they're able to function it inspires me to make struggling public schools function in the same matter because those kids deserve just as good as a chance yeah my my two placements were both examples in the public school system 10 minutes minutes away from each other. One wildly poor, one insanely wealthy public school.

And the resource, I mean, it was an insane, like the nice one had like whole music wing, like giant, like just so many resources. And then like the other one was just like the saddest. Are teachers more liberal en masse than not? Masks? No, en masse. Oh, en masse.

No, no, no. Are teachers like, you know, if you looked at comedians, more liberals than not. Yeah, yeah, yes. It is. Because I think it's teaching, it feels sometimes so especially in when i think of uh misinformation and i think about the way that social media is not going anywhere we're soon going to have deep fakes and you're we're going to have to be skeptical in a way that's kind of unheard of but skeptical but still hopefully get whatever medicine you need to get i think i think all the time like

well it's teaching like like whenever people get mad about Joe Rogan, I'm like, what are you going to do? You can't get rid of this thing. It goes way back, and you're not going to fix it suddenly. You're not going to fix it by kicking Joe Rogan off Spotify. You fix it by teaching people about healthy skepticism and knowledge at an early level. And you're not going to see the results for years and years and years. But then you look at the news now, and it's's all politicized and you have people like critical race theory, like people attacking that.

So you're having bad history being taught. All of a sudden in Florida, you're having this. It feels very hopeless. Do you feel any hope? I do, but it's going to take radical people to make radical changes because it is so lost that it's almost to the point of not turning back. But change happens when there's a problem and it's a ripple effect. And it just needs one person to throw the stone to start those ripples for real to make it happen but a lot of things are going to have to change that even teachers are not going to like and a lot of things

are going to change that the general public's not going to like so is it possible yes but it's going to take like the biggest balls what are the teachers not going to like okay so you dabbled in tenure a little bit right and it's not really so much a thing anymore tenure okay but the theory of it is okay so teachers who you're saying teachers who taught for five or more years would have job security and protection no matter what that's still kind of a thing my whole thing is if teaching and education is going to work get the bad out put the good in. We have programs in this country right now like Teach for America. Hey, I'm not signing up for that shit.

We're taking undergraduate college students who didn't major in education and putting them in the roughest schools in this country and saying go and giving them a teaching certificate after two weeks of a training no why aren't we paying teachers who have been teaching for 15 plus years doubling their salary because they are in it they're invested they have the experience and putting them in the roughest schools because they have the skills they're able to but financially compensating them. Also, what a lot of the country is not going to like is, who the fuck wants to work to be this poor? Working for $28,000 to $34,000 a year for your first five years in teaching? Insanity.

That's why people want the tenure, right? It's kind of like, well, at the end of the rainbow, there's job security. So you get everything else now. But the problem is, there's no money. We can't say teachers are going to make more money. Well, if there's no money, give us incentives. When you major in education and you get a job in education, why don't you have a college debt-free life?

Why aren't you just forgiving that? That's going to make everything else a little bit more worth it. But people are going to be like, hell no. It's just not going to happen. So it's going to take strong, strong dedicated passionate people to fix this shit teach for america does not like that i say that but i'm speaking the goddamn truth what is teach for america what is their main teach for america is what i was telling you they take college undergrads and put them in and they're what what would they argue against you they would say what they would say that they're bringing more

teachers into the profession and they would say that statistically students who go in to teach for america do not stay and teach for america they then leave and go into these corporate jobs their angle is well those people now working at big microsoft or whatever it is they care about education they see they worked they did it they didn't they didn't use it as a yeah put on their fucking resume yeah get them a better job where they would never have to pay like where they'll never get paid that kind of exactly so no sorry that's not what's happening and also so you're telling me that those kids in the roughest areas deserve a person who has no fucking clue what they're doing yeah no sure no sorry i get really passionate about it.

No, I know it's great to hear. Is there ever any degree of like, you were a good teacher, you are a good teacher, and you left? Yeah. Is there ever any like, oh, it would be great if you had stayed a teacher. You would be one of the great teachers. But doing what? Working with one class? Teachers can't make the change.

Non-teachers are able to make the change. Got it. When you're a teacher, you have the thickest red tape in front of you with the biggest target on your back at all times. One false move, you're out. So when I do my show i sometimes i look out and i say is it crazy hearing all the thoughts that you've never been able to say the teachers in the room go nuts i don't have a target on my back i can say this shit this can go out there and people can hear this message but if i was working in education and said this and this

podcast came out and my boss or district found it, I'm out. Sure. Like that. So no, I don't think about that. Was going back to that kindergarten and teaching for the seven months, was it a joy? Oh my God. I loved it. Every minute of it.

Do you think you'd ever like do another stint as like a- Shit, I'm never going to say never. Yeah. Because I did love it. It was so much fun. And I was having the time of my life in kindergarten. I'll never say never. It's it's not now it's just not now it would be fascinating to see how you interact with teachers when you have a child going through the school system oh i think about it all the time i think

about it all the time like are we gonna be able to get through this like yeah this is gonna work out for everybody i'm gonna going to talk about you. I think you should go, you know, if it's a straight teacher and they talk about their wife, be like, did you tell my child about your wife? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What the fuck? Honestly, indoctrination. Yes. Yeah. Well, let's go to our next segment.

This has got to stop. This has got to stop. This is, did you see the email? I'm fully prepared. Of course. I should have imagined. I should have imagined. Do have imagined uh do you have this gotta stop for us i do um are you ready oh yeah proposals bachelorette parties bachelor parties weddings at disney world oh okay you could have stopped before disney world i've been like, yes, finally. Enough with this Catholic thing

that we're still carrying on. At Disney World. Proposals at Disney World, weddings at Disney World. That's going to be an expensive wedding. And then Bachelor and Bachelorette. It's got to stop. Have you been to any of these?

Absolutely not. If I was even invited, I'd say fuck yourself. You're going to spend that much money for a bachelorette party at Disney World? Go to Ibiza. Like, what are you doing? Were you at Disney recently where you ran into this? Where's the rage? I understand it.

It doesn't make any sense to me either. The rage now comes from seeing it on Instagram. And people are like, and they make their own ears and they're all wearing these like sparkly, happy bride to be shirts and they're gallivanting around Disney world. Like get out. Like, no, like you're, this isn't real life. Also, this is like such a weird reversion. You're not at, are you guys Disney adults? I'm so sorry.

No, no, no, no, no. It's just, I think I know there was one... There are Disney adults. I mean, Disney gay is a term that I've heard. There was someone at my college... You're canceled, but continue. And he wore fairy wings all the time and went to Disney World frequently. I'm leaving.

Okay. It's a home. It's a community. It's not. It's very interesting because there are straight couples who have like, I remember there was one. There was a tattoo on Twitter. There was the Mickey Mouse thing with the Blue Lives Matter flag inside of the Mickey Mouse.

Which is a wild combination of interests. So I grew up going to Disney. Same. But I have not been in probably eight to ten years but i would say i i would at enough of an age where i had to pay for some things on my own that i can't imagine being a disney adult just for how expensive it is and for how not great it you know i mean like the amount you're spending to just get physically into that space and then talk about eating. Food's fine.

Not great. Not good. Everything's so expensive and it doesn't seem worth it for how much it is. And the best part, I was on Instagram recently. Okay. And it's this girl and she's always talking. No capitalism. This is crazy.

And then the very next picture, she's at her bachelorette party at Disney World. You want to talk about capitalism, bitch? Are you fucking kidding me? Yeah. Ugh. If you had a bachelor party there, I think I would have fun at that party. No. We would get drunk.

We'd go on the rides. The wedding, I hear you. You would not have fun. Do you know how much you would have to spend? Do you know how much you would have to spend? Do you know how much you would talk about me making you spend? You'd have 35 minutes in your chat about having to buy

a park pass. Oh no, a park pass for three days. You'd be a whole thing on it. Sure, Disney's one of those places I want to pay it all up front somehow. We're taking buses everywhere. Save for years and then they're like, we're to disney world it's like no no no no no no no no no be an adult adventure see the world for and they're like well you can go to epcot and see

all these different countries it's in fucking florida bitch i would want to do drink around the world that's always something i'm leaving i have when i was you you know, 21, you know. Yeah. But, you know, I don't, it's, I don't want to, I understand. Speak your truth. It's one of those things, I don't get it. I don't get it. But people love it. Love it. But it is a weird thing to love that much, maybe.

A little bit. I get it where it's like magical and it's just like I get community. I get with that if you don't have a religion you're like okay this is a fun place to go. I need you to stop. Are you doing devil's advocate to do it for the podcast or are you this person? I feel some kind of sympathy.

I imagine a lot of them have religion and they have Disney. Sure. I think like there is something charming about growing up I went to University of Miami. So I was near Disney World. I probably went twice. But I always thought it was charming even as a kid where like it felt like a gay-friendly space that – I know they even had some things where they had like some kind of week or celebration. I mean they can't show their tattoos. And all these families were like –

The Disney employees can't show that they have tattoos or piercings. They have very strict code of like. Oh, yeah. Oh, it sounds like a nightmare to work for Disney. But there's something about cartoons and magic. He specifically said weddings, bachelor, bachelorette parties. Yes. Well, I agree with the wedding.

I agree with the proposal. It's bachelor party where I'm like, bachelor party, I could see. I could see doing that. Okay, who would be on this party with you? Just you and me, Russell. You and I'd invite you just to give it a shot. But you would still go to Disney World. Or no.

What are the terms? Your kid's going to say, you're going to have a kid, and your kid's going to say, I want to go to Disney. Listen, when I have kids, I'm going to be the Disney-est dad. But there's cut off. You're going to get a tattoo, Blue Lives Matter, Disney. No, hell no. But I'm going to also tell them, 14, we're done. Like, there's no more.

Oh, man, that 13th year. Like, you get 14. It'll be so sad. If you want to go again, you're doing it on your own. But 13, 14, we're done. I meant to bring this up. One of the funniest things that happened at my school was there was an assembly in seventh grade

where a teacher said, seventh grade. Well, you know, there comes that age where we all learn that Santa Claus isn't real. And then fucking all these parents called the school seventh grade.

No. And this teacher got, they didn't get fired, thankfully, but huge trouble because revealed that Santa was not real. And these parents had not told their seventh graders yet. I meant to tell a story about a teacher getting in trouble, too.

When I, this happened after I graduated, but it was, I come from a small town, so everyone talks. But this teacher that I knew when I went there, he was, I don't want to say what he taught, but he taught a class where you sometimes work with tools. And so he found a dead fox on the way to school. And brought it in. And he thought, you know what would be cool? You know what kids will love? If I bring this dead fox in for them to see. So he pulled his truck over, picked up the dead fox, brought it into school.

Okay, kids come to his classroom. He's like, hey, I got a surprise for everyone. Pulls out a dead fox that he found on the side of the road. Kids, lets the kids touch it. Lets the kids kind of play around with a dead fox in the room. Okay, so those kids leave. They automatically go and tell everyone in the school that that teacher has a dead fox in his room and the kids are playing with it. So word gets around to administration.

I'm sure word gets around. And so does he. He has he has a dead fox. His classroom is letting kids play with it. And kids are smushed by the window. So he here. He gets word that administration knows what he's done. He panics.

He takes the dead fox and he goes out to a creek. You said creek. And he throws the dead fox into a creek. You said creek? He said creek. Creek. Well, creek, creek. It's like, you know, we call all things up.

Stream. Sure. So anyways. Two E's. He throws it in the creek to try and cover the evidence so then administration comes like hey quick question were you did you bring a dead fox in school and if you did did you let kids play with it and touch it and he's like he's then he's like he's like i can't lie there's too many witnesses so So he says, yes. They say, okay, well, we need to test the fox for rabies.

So can we see the fox? And then he has to then be like, I tried to cover up the evidence. So then he has to take them out to the creek to fish out the dead fox. Anyways. What happened? He did not have rabies. he did not get fired for that i don't think but it was a slippery slope that he no longer works there for multiple reasons i think i don't want to get in slander because i didn't say his name there's all sorts of i mean you

didn't do high school i would never i mean that's where shit gets fucking crazy. Yeah. I remember, I'm going to keep this as vague as possible. There was a field trip. To? I can't say. Oh. And at 17, 16, I got blackout drunk with some teachers. That's so bad, John Marco. With teachers.

Uh-huh. John Marco, that's bad. Well, was it Europe? Not quite far enough for it to be okay. And nothing, I never, there was never a,

a moment of feeling like sexual problems. Oh. Like, I'm just saying like, I'm not saying, there was no like, hitting on you.

No, I didn't mean it like, like, there were no sexual problems. I got it up just fine. It was great. No, there was no like, I didn't mean it like, there were no sexual problems. I got it up just fine. It wasn't great. No, it was just about drinking. And you look back, I got in trouble in high school.

There was a big theater thing when we took down the set. Everyone always got drunk and high that night. We stayed over. It was a whole fun thing. Basically, my year, someone pulled the fire alarm. Parents started caring. Everyone got put on probation,, my year, someone pulled the fire alarm. Parents started caring. Everyone got put on probation, suspended, expelled, all these things. Great.

And the, oh, I can't even say, but someone higher up in the administration when they were younger as a teacher was notorious. I went to Georgetown Day School, which was notorious as being the drug school, at least in the 80s. And this teacher, we all knew stories about this teacher getting high with students in the 80s and whatnot. And as I was getting in trouble for getting stoned on campus, there was a real feeling of like, let's tear this fucking place to the ground. I wasn't old enough to have that full mentality of like, hey, what the fuck over here?

Let's all like chill out and not get in trouble. But that's like high school is complicated very yeah i mean he's just like the worst i ever did with a teacher i definitely smoked cigarettes with my one of my teachers yeah like i'm not gonna thank god you didn't say students thank god no one of my fourth grade students one of my fourth graders just virginia slims after class but um no yeah we just and it was like, honestly, again, chill. It was just kind of like, I'm stressed, you're stressed.

We got shit to do. Don't tell anybody. Got it. Yeah. It's, and then I think about, I always think all the time substitute teachers

and I'm like, how old were they when I was in high school? Like my freshman English teacher was like 23. I mean, I- And now at this age, I'm like, 23?

I know. That's insane. I was able to sub in my school at 19 years old yeah i went to with no degree yet no degree right one year of college that's another thing that has one year of college you should be ashamed of yourself i yeah um i mean i was in my school too i had friends that i drank with like you know that I'm subbing for you know. Wild. Wild. Let's go to our final segment. You better count

your blessings. Go first. Oh no. No Russell I don't think I have a blessing. You don't have a blessing. We recorded two episodes this week and I only have one blessing a week. Dear God, it's a rough time. Well, then let's just have our guests do the blessing today.

Okay. Do you have a blessing for us? It's a bit of a little, it's a short story. Okay, that's great. Okay. That's great because we don't have fun. Do you get real on the blessing part? I got real.

I got real. I was not trying to be funny. No, I'm not going to get, we're not going to cry. Maybe I'll cry. So sometimes I get a little bit of imposter syndrome where I travel and my shows are sold out. And I'm like, who the fuck are you? This is crazy. But after the show, I get this feeling of this is awesome.

So last night I went to go see Moulin Rouge. Amazing. We had amazing seats and I was watching it and I was looking at how happy all the actors were and how incredible they were. And I was sitting there thinking and I was like, it is so amazing that these people get to live their life, live their dream and do it in this city where it's like known for that and i was like that would be so cool to do and then literally my mind switch and was like you're doing it right now and i was like when you allow your brain to not be your own self-saboteur that is when blessings are like real because i was just so put in my place of like stop doubting the shit that you're doing and realize that you're doing it and be proud of it and be okay with being proud of it

because i think so many times people are afraid to admit their own success and it was just a beautiful moment and then i fucking cried right there thinking about all this on stage watching it happen well i think there's a thing of, because you and I both, like you are creating a lot of your own thing. You're running your own show. I mean, and there's a degree, I think, sometimes I feel like as I start to tour and like try to build my own thing of social media and whatnot

and fill these rooms, it's like it would feel, sometimes I think some of my doubt of myself, that imposter syndrome will go away if i got a little bit more of like well comedy central said you're good enough to do this or a late night thing said you're good enough and when you're like a really independent and kind of running your own ship it's very easy to feel that imposter syndrome because we have to like we have to believe so hard in ourselves every time we go out there and travel to a place. I know.

And you don't always have that person above being like, yeah, you're going to do this. And I want you to do this. We have to drive it. And you too, as a sketch team. I'm saying, like, especially, like, as a solo artist, it's wild sometimes to go. And I go a couple places. maybe 10 people show up for me but even that when someone comes up it's it feels kind of crazy and you're like they spent this money oh they spent this money and like and i was working on a couple new things and like they spent

money and sometimes people say they i had one show they said they flew to go to the show and i'm like part of me wants to immediately be like are you out of your mind yeah you flew somebody's coming to my show tomorrow night they wrote me their husband treated them to this night out they're coming to my show via helicopter i'm like that is like to see me what what that shit puts me like these people are making moves to do it you could have said to them like you know the money you spend the helicopter i'd go do a private gig for you yeah i'll take the helicopter yeah can i come no i one million percent understand what you're saying too and the thing is too is like i think what the imposter syndrome comes out with is like i all the networks tell me no they all tell me no uh-huh late night sets i always when i submit they're

like this is too conversational this is too and i'm like okay but then i do my show and like i'm like well the masses like it my fans like it it's not on tv but they fucking like it and it's a hard switch from what's historically the market distinction in comedy versus what it is now and on my way here there was this billboard for youtube and it said youtube it's something like youtube is media youtube is where it's at right now i saw that you saw it yeah what do you think about it i i mean i think it's i think it's true there's there's this are we doing the new way yeah well yeah well there's a certain thing of uh there's no one's made any kind of offer to me yet but there are certain like stand-up markers that used to be markers of moving up in the career right and

i've been talking to people about just the fact that a of all the money went way down. I'm making more of doing my own thing of social media than they would pay for it. Right. And then there's a degree of like, and they don't even get that many eyeballs on it. So then what is the land? It's kind of chaos. It is. And sometimes it's exciting because you can grab the reins.

And then sometimes I'm like, oh, I would do anything for someone to just say 30 minutes at this place and we'll make sure people see it like there's a there's a yeah there's there's a niceness to having that yeah but it's increasingly more like that's even not the right move not not even if it came along would it be the right move but isn't it crazy that we can sit here and say this out loud and know it but it's's still hard to believe. Oh, for sure. Like, I know that putting a special on YouTube is going to get more eyes in it than if Comedy Central buys a 30-minute. Yes. Depending on who you are.

For me, probably. But still, I'm over here like, really? Like, is that? Because that's just not how it's been. But I think that we're in this, like, new age of comedy, too, where it's making this dramatic shift of how it is going to be from now on and it's shit or get off the pot and if you're gonna buy into this old way i don't know that you can still have success i'm not saying that you can't

but like it will be a lot harder yeah it's like those old guys with uh fucking elizabeth holmes they were all like are we just a bunch of old guys who are stuck in our old ways? Like it's a risk, but are we going to take it? Yeah. It's freaking, I'm getting hot like talking about this.

So we're taking the risk that those old guys took on Elizabeth Holmes. Yeah. Is it going to be great or are we frauds? Is this a scam? Well, it worked out for them.

Is it a scam? So we should be fine. So, all right, this episode is coming out on june 7th june 7th so is there anything anything you want to plug yes monday june 13th asylum nyc uncle function asylum nyc monday june 13th uncle function june 13th very exciting um I am going to be at San Francisco Cobbs Comedy Club June 12th for a one-nighter. June 15th, Sacramento Punchline. June 16th, Seattle.

Hereafter. Very excited to... What's that face? I'm actually home. I'd love to show you around Seattle. I would love to do that. June 16th. June 16th.

Done. Great. I'm at Punchline Philly June 9th, 10th, and 11th. Then I'm off for a while for like the first time ever. July 14th, 15th, 16th, Hilarity's Cleveland. And then I'll be announcing my fall tour very soon. MrDx3.com for tickets. Would love to see listeners there.

And yes, so thank you for listening to Downside. Again, we have our live show August 14th. Tickets are on sale. The link will be in the bio along with the sister show, The Silver Lining, two dates coming up. And for all you independent people out there, just remember the industry, they turned down Ellen DeGeneres, and she went on to be

one of the nicest people in the entire world. This is The Downside. One, two, three. Downside. Downside.