The Downside with Gianmarco Soresi - #89 Don’t Save The Tata’s with Caileigh Scott

Episode Date: June 21, 2022

Caileigh Scott shares the downsides of being diagnosed with breast cancer on your mom’s birthday, finding out your boobs need to be removed right after buying a new bathing suit, taking your tits for one last spin, deciding how big you want your new tatas to be, and why New York City might be the best place to get breast cancer. You can watch full video of this episode HERE! Follow Caileigh Scott on Instagram Curb Caileigh's Cancer Expenses Follow Gianmarco Soresi on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, & YouTube Subscribe to Gianmarco Soresi's email & texting lists Check out Gianmarco Soresi's monthly show in NYC (first Sunday of every month) Get tickets to see Gianmarco Soresi in a city near you Watch Gianmarco Soresi's special "Shelf Life" on Amazon Follow Russell Daniels on Twitter & Instagram E-mail the show at [e-mail] Produced by Paige Asachika & Gianmarco Soresi Video edited by Spencer Sileo Special Thanks Tovah Silbermann Part of the Authentic Podcast Network Original music by Douglas Goodhart Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Don't say that about my girlfriend. Welcome to The Downside. My name is Jermarco Cerezi. I'm here with my co-host, Russell Daniels. It's funny because I don't, does she even listen anymore? Does she listen? Will she even hear that and think that there's any chance I was saying anything? She did tell me she said that she had stopped listening.

Was there a specific reason? There was definitely like the phone call. Every episode release was followed by the phone call every episode release was followed by a phone call where we discussed something i said and how i misconstrued it she was like you know what so tova got my miss toes my girlfriend she got uh uh perturbed at me today i i uh my merch after shows I sell these towels that say moisture crunchy. It's based off a joke that justifies it. Uh,

I don't think you need the vulgarity of it. And so I got a thousand. I've been selling well. I sell them for 20 bucks. Now someone from Vegas said, you're selling them for 10. You could sell them for 20, start selling for 20.

No difference in sales. Yeah. Um, so I'm like, let's order a thousand, turn this into 20,000 over the course of the next 20 years of my life. And I ship them to Tova has an office now. Nice. So I get a call or I get a picture with three boxes, huge boxes stacked in front of her door.

And she says, like, she can't get in. She's, you know, she's like, you can't. And I asked permission. I didn't just do this willy nilly. But I said, okay. Yes, a thousand. It's a lot. It's a lot.

And I will say, as the person that carried them up the stairs today. So then, so I say, baby, I'm so sorry. They are heavy. And they are like, she couldn't. Surprisingly heavy, yeah. If you have three of them stacked on top of each other, it's very heavy. So then I say, I'm so sorry. I think I can get them tomorrow.

I'm about to fly away for two weeks. Where's she supposed to work, John Marco? It's a pretty big office. But then I get a call, I don't know, five minutes later. And she had gone in the office. She had left them in the hallway. I guess they have a big hallway. And she says that while she was in the office,

someone moved the boxes in front of the door again, and now she can't get out. So I'm about to go into a workout class, and I got a podcast taping, a different one. But then I'm worried. I don't want her to die in a fire. And so I was like, don't worry, I'm on it. I start calling other offices in the building. And I say, don't worry, I'm calling other offices in the building. And I say, don't worry, I'm calling other offices in the building. And she goes, no, don't call it.

I'm able to get out. And I was like, maybe we're exaggerating a wee bit. What do you mean you're calling other offices? To be like, my girlfriend's stuck. Could you please help move these boxes? You're calling her coworkers? Not her coworkers. She has one office in a big building. Oh, oh, oh. Total strangers.

She's calling strangers. Like some security firm, some law firm. Hey, is there anyone who can save? Because I was like, she's stuck. And I texted her, don't worry, I'm calling these offices. And she was like, no, don't. I'm able to get out. And I was like, oh, okay. Okay.

Okay, yeah, I don't think you should have them delivered there because. Well, last time I had them delivered here, they were stolen. I delivered 500. This is like $600. They didn't open and look at what it was. I'd love the idea of them. I would love the idea. They're out there, right?

I mean, I imagine 500 towels. Where do they go? Yeah. So, and then Russell came here shockingly early. Shockingly early. And right as I was coming, I took an Uber XL. I really, but then I was going to feel guilty about it. So I got to the door and I have these three boxes.

And it's a lot. The Uber XL doesn't pull up quite where I need it to. So I'm bringing it in. And I'm like, there's a thought like, oh, I wish Russell were here. And then Russell shows up. And I saw him struggling from very far away. And I you know what just take a quick clap let this play out because but in my mind i only saw the one i will say i only saw the one box so i was like i saw you get to your door and i saw you go in and i was like oh i should just catch him because i then i can get in and

yeah buzz me in but Then you had five boxes with you. Five boxes. Five boxes. Got some shoes, got some jeans. Oh and now your laundry's here. That's my laundry coming. Does that play for our audience at home? They can hear that? I don't know. I don't think so.

You heard it. Maybe you're right. But I don't know. I don't fucking know. We'll see. Okay. We'll see in post. Let's bring, let's. Let's bring it, I guess. We're very excited to have, I don't know you. Russell knows you. Yes.

But you're friends with one of our biggest Downside fans. Oh, yes. Yes. Friend of the pod. Yes. Jacqueline Collier. Jacqueline Collier. Still a Patreon member.

Very exciting. Yes. And actor, writer, Kay member. Very exciting. Yes. And actor, writer, Kaylee Scott. Hello. Welcome. Thank you. Can you say something negative to get us into this music?

Something of your life? Something bad? Anything bad in your life right now? Oh, yes. No, I have breast cancer. This is The Downside. One, two, three. Downside. Downside. One, two, three. Downside.

You're listening to The Downside. The Downside. With Gianmarco Cerezi. We'll get to your breast cancer in a second. It'll still be there. I do want you to share. you were upstate with your family all weekend with your brother's children. Two children?

Two children. Five? Two nephews. Five and three. Five and three. Okay. And you said, you told me this story. I want to hear it. Tell the black hole thing that you just shared with me. Well, so my nephew was asking me about black holes and so you know know he kind of

knew what they were but not really and so i was describing it and then somehow you know when you know you're talking to kids and they keep asking you questions and you're like you know what do you know about black holes like okay how much are we talking here i don't know a lot i don't know two things you know about black holes listen oh, but listen. The only reason it caught my attention, and I was like, oh, I can talk a little bit about this, is because I just saw this news story about this black hole that is slowly swallowing our universe. Yes.

Sagittarius A. Is it the NASA thing where they're like, something weird is happening. Yes, yes. And there's messages happening, but we don't find out because the satellite that we have up there that can even get whatever is from the 1960s and it takes two years to get messages back from it that's so but coming

by facts i think the thing is like it would swallow everything but it's going to be million you know a long time like we'll already have killed ourselves off by the time it could even swallow this universe so anyways i he was asking and I started talking about that. Now I, the idea of you sharing that with a five-year-old to me is crazy.

Why? Because like, if you tell a five-year-old, oh yeah, there's a black hole that's going to swallow the universe and we're all,

we'll all be gone and dead. Well, he already knows that he's going to be dead. Like he already knew, like he's like, I'll be dead by then. And I was like,

yeah, yeah, yeah. So he gets the concept of death. Okay. So he knew about death. And that he, that things will happen after he's going to be dead. Like he already knew, like, he's like, I'll be dead by then. And I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, so he gets the concept. Okay. So he, that things will happen after he's dead, you know? Right. I just like this.

It didn't feel, it didn't feel, that didn't feel like it was like, Oh, I'm breaking something for him. He was like very aware of that, you know, but what he has a very worry.

He worries a lot. He's, he's a very sensitive, crazy uncle. Uh, what he asked you, like said what that will people feel it a little bit will they yeah he said like he said like basically like will it pull everything in at once or will something start to get pulled in before other things and would it hurt like people would be like where'd my hat go yeah like i'm imagining

like a wind machine that like blows things like into it. Versus the like really painful stretching. Yes. That's what it actually is. Is that what I actually wondered? Like what? I mean. See, I'm so existential.

At 33, I'm like, I don't want to know. If I'm going to be dead, I don't want to know. Just want to let it happen. But we need a stretching. I mean, it's got to be fast. There's no way it's like a, whoa. I think it would, what I remember from the one class

I took in my senior year of high school is I think it like slowly, you know, like because of the gravity or whatever, I don't know. Basically,

it stretches everything out. So you would be like a hundred feet tall. There's someone who knows science listening to this. Oh my God, Chris,

our friend Chris is going to be so excited. So it's a stretch. That's a joke. He'll never hear. Um, Susan, listen, um,

but, uh, so it'll stretch yet that, I mean, it's fascinating to think of, but I can start spiraling pretty quickly when I do think about that kind of thing, because then you're like,

what is it? Then what happens? Yeah. I mean, I don't think you make, you don't make it out yeah you just know but like what happens in the black hole like what yes or anything in there swallows anything everything that's like the thing they don't know right that's like yeah I don't know I remember like once like where I was my true existential phase in college it's still going on but like my like it was it was hard it grabbed me I read some book and some guy was like the acceleration the expansion of the universe is accelerating which means eventually everything will separate out and nothing will be able no life will be able

to exist and like something about that it's it's that and it's crazy because you're like i'll be dead by then yeah but it's like this thought of like but there will be some kind of continuation and then there's a moment like no it'll just be yeah black yeah yeah also we had this conversation at a fair um where it actually it's technically called a canoe regatta but it's a fair canoe regatta what's a regatta well a regatta is like a race but usually it's like yachts yes but they call it a canoe regatta it happens every memorial day in my hometown and memorial day weekend and it's like very much a fair atmosphere so the the fair rides funnel cakes that kind of thing you know booths a lot of like political booths um mainly for like uh i saw a sign that said trump 2024 um and then it's

underneath it said this time the rules have changed i was like what does that mean they changed before like what does that mean like like we can do insurrections now like what does that mean like um but uh it's wild everyone you're like i also don't know what the the crossover of like going to the fair and like everyone i guess memorial day weekend so it's like a lot of military things but there's a lot of like crossover of like like guns on shirts and things like that that was happening i was in connecticut i went to a diner that was american flag themed the diner the diner was america that was the theme american flags and then second amendment blah blah blah oh god and uh yeah it's it's weird

there are two connecticuts you just went to that sure sure there absolutely are oh yeah i mean there's i mean in new york too it's like every like it's you know there's a on our way to get there there's a town i forget the name of it but downsville maybe or something like that but like there's a like literally like a sign that's like um don't blame me i voted for trump like like but like these are like big these aren't just like signs you print out these are like painted signs like go on their front lawns like it's just a wild thing because you're a little like, I think you're in the wrong. Or like the barns.

Yeah, barns. Yeah. That's like a mural. Like someone hired someone, I guess, to do that. Yeah. Over the entire barn. Are you from this area of New York? I just know.

I mean, I just have been up, like I go upstate. Oh, sure. Yeah. So I've driven past such things. It's just one of those things where you're like, I think have been up, like, a go up state. Oh, sure. So I've driven past such things. It's just one of those things where you're like, I think you're in the wrong, like, I think it's not going to be ideal for you, probably, in this state. Like, you probably, you know, I don't know. Anyways, so it was a weird atmosphere to have that conversation. Maybe in that moment

you're like you're like looking at it you're like yeah black hole will swallow all this bullshit all of this um is it okay if we talk

about her breast cancer now so yeah do we have your permission to pivot yeah so so just to

just to acknowledge the way this was set up Jackie number one fan number one fan of the podcast. Number one fan. Was very passionate. She said, you have to have all my friend. She said, I got this story.

So you are an actor and you're a writer. And then talk to me about what's been going on. So on my mom's birthday, I got diagnosed with breast cancer. And so you scheduled, what is it called? A mammogram? No, not even. Because you don't get those until you're 40. And I am not.

I am closer than the Botox would make you believe, hopefully. But I'm not there yet. So I just went to a doctor for a totally different reason I was like I think I have high blood pressure and she was like I don't think that's true I think you're just nervous um and then she was like oh you know what though I feel a lump why don't you go get this I don't know that I'm concerned but like why don't you go get some imaging do I ask what age do they tell women to like check for lumps you're always supposed to check your own for lumps um but you don't get mammogrammed until 40

unless something goes terribly awry uh as it did for me so um you're always supposed to be doing self-exams um but a lot of women have what's called cystic breasts so you're like well there's only something like there's stuff happening in there. I don't know. Like you have cysts and just like fibrous tissue. So you're always kind of feeling like there's things in there. Very busy. So it's hard to tell for a lay person what the difference is.

So she but she was like, well well this is different and this is why and it might just be a cyst but you should go get a mammogram get an ultrasound are you a hypochondriac are you oh 100 okay so yeah look because i am too so uh you're gonna start thinking you have breast cancer too that's how every diagnosis goes on the show what is the the timeline between this conversation and then actually getting it done and then actually finding out so i know this because i was in florida living my best life on palm beach on march 10th and then or like i came back on march 10th march 11th was my doctor's appointment where i was like i think i have high blood pressure because every time i go to the doctor, it's really high.

And she was like, I think it's what we call white coat syndrome. But like, let's just do a full workup. Two weeks later, so March 24th, I'm not even remember. Yeah, March 24th, I had the imaging done. And that's the day that they were like, this is a little suspicious. So you need to have a biopsy done. Did this run in the family at all? Oh, no.

I'm the only person ever in my entire family to have any cancer. Wild. Ever. Wow. Yeah. Unless there's someone we don't know about or someone who was just old and died

and we didn't know. So then when I got the biopsy done the doctor which was on the 29th and a biopsy they so they're taking a piece they're taking tissue yeah do they put you under for that they don't put you under they just numb the area so they numb it and they can do it two ways with an ultrasound or a mammogram depending on like what is going on like what it specifically is um and how they can image it best yeah Yeah. So this was guided by an ultrasound. So it's like an ultrasound technician and then the doctor. But, you know, you're just like laying there like this.

And, you know, they're like exchanging glances. And then there's like a mm-mm-mm. And I'm like, what? Like, what is it? Because they won't say anything in the room itself. No, although he sort of, but but you can catch the vibe pretty easily. We talked about it on this podcast. I had just a ball checked out.

Sure. And the person would not give me, gave me a vibe of it's fine, but would not say it. Yeah. Would not say it. Yeah. And you're like, and this is like, it feels like it's a lawsuit. Like, you know, there'll be a lawsuit if they come for you and then it's not. And not say it. Yeah. And you're like and this is like it feels like it's a lawsuit like you know there'll be a lawsuit if they come for you and then it's not. And then it's not okay.

Yeah. So your biopsy were they removing something with ultrasound this appointment? They just like find it. So they're like where is it and then you're sort of like it's here and then they find it with the ultrasound so then when the doctor inserts the needle they know in the ultrasound, they can like

tell that it's going and actually grabbing the right tissue. Slurping out tissue? Yeah. Oh my God. Is it painful or you're numbed or? You're numbed. You're numbed. And then after, like, I was fine.

You get the worst bruise, like to the point that like and it stayed until almost the end of my breasts like so it's just this like massive deep bruise um because of what it did and then they they did a lymph node as well which was fine um but so that doctor so then they're just like and like pointing and I'm like, I clearly this isn't good. Like clearly no one in this room thinks that like this is fine. But then that doctor, to his credit, was like, I'm going to write down some names of some breast surgeons. I think you should call and make an appointment if you can get in. Like, I think it would be a good thing to have.

an appointment if you can get in like i think it would be a good thing to have so in your mind do you because is the hope that they're that it's called a lump and lump endectomy where they just take a a lumpectomy is when they just take the the cancer but wait so when you're thinking this like what's going through your head are you scared of dying are you scared of losing your breasts? Or you had no idea what to expect? I always thought, because I know a lot of women who have had breast cancer, so I was always like, I would just get them off. I don't want anything to do with it. If it ever happened to me. But at the time, years ago, being like, I mean, it won't.

Because why would it? No one has had any cancer in my family. I'm comforted by that thought all the time. My parents say, there's no cancer in our family. I go, okay, good. I guess I won't have to deal with this horror of life. Right, right. Yeah.

I mean, you'll be fine, but I wasn't. But no, I mean, at that point I was just like, okay, so I definitely have breast cancer. Like it's clear that if it had come back benign, that doctor would have been like, no, no, no, no, no. We need to like do whatever the next test is. Um, and then he asked me, he came, it was like everything but saying, because you can't actually say, I don't think they can say the word cancer until they're like, you have it.

So he was just saying, see if you can get an appointment with a breast surgeon. Do you have any family history? Sure. I didn't say what. And I was like, do you have you written out a will? Right. Right. Oh, my God.

Do you? Like, what is that? Yeah. Don't buy any new bras. Right. Right. Right. No, literally.

Maybe ease up on the lingerie purchases for a minute. And I had just bought a new bathing suit. And I was like, well, at least I wore it in Florida. For four days. Now, which boob was it in? It was the left. The left. It was the left boob.

There was concern on the right. So that was the 29th. And then it wasn't, which was a Tuesday. So it was April 4th was the day that the pathology actually came back being like, yes, you do in fact have breast cancer. Did it field anything when you heard that news? It wasn't because I had already sort of accepted when the guy was like, you should call a breast surgeon. Because my other question, I was like, is that who I talked to about reconstruction? And he was like,

well, they'll like get you to that person. So I was like, okay, like this is, this is what it is. It's just a matter of actually having a paper that says it. So that week,

like I came home and I like dramatically threw myself on my bed as one does. Um, and then like did wig consultations and they were like, you might not need chemo. You don't even have your diagnosis yet, but we'll talk to you. So you did a wig consultation? Because that's all I could do. You can't book an appointment. You're trying to focus on something.

Yeah, you can't be proactive when you're waiting for the results because a breast surgeon won't see you until they know that they have to. Or at least what's going on, even if it's like, oh, it's not cancer, but it should still come out. You know, they need to know what it is. So I was like, okay, I guess wigs are what I can do right now.

While I like sit here and wait, I'm like very attached to my hair. And you know. When you get chemo, do you know how fast does hair go away? Does it fall out? I think it's like within the first 18 days, they say. Um, and you know, you get chemo. Do you know how fast does hair go away? Does it fall out? I think it's, um, like within the first 18 days, they say that fast.

Yeah. Wow. So, you know, you got to get the ball rolling, but the really good ones are very expensive and you have to get a prescription and I haven't prescription for a wig. Mm hmm. Why prescription? An oncologist can write a prescription. So it can be covered by insurance? At least partially. Like like you pay up front but you can get reimbursed how much is like is like the best way the best one uh like 1600 okay and that's like human hair or your own hair if you're

willing to like cut or shave first and like send it to a company which makes most sense yeah yeah and then they hand tie it so it looks really real and it is real hair yeah um so but and so they all talked to me but they were like you have to kind of find out first if you need chemo what your and i still don't know um what your timeline is all of that um and so when i got the diagnosis i was like well thank god now i can make an appointment somewhere yeah so that like at that point and i was but then I was like well thank God now I can make an appointment somewhere so that like at that point but then I was like it's also my mom's birthday so I guess I'm not telling her today

because like happy birthday your only child has cancer yeah you want to save it for a fight yeah exactly well I have save it for a fight. Yeah, exactly. Well, I have cancer. It's a good excuse just anytime you want someone to just acquiesce to whatever your whim is. Just be like, I have breast cancer, remember? And then they're like, okay, fine, we can do this your way.

And when they give you the diagnosis, are they saying kind of upfront, like, don't worry, you've caught it soon enough. We can nip this in the bud i think everyone's experience is different depending on there's different kinds of breast cancer there so i was her two negative hormone positive which is like sort of what you want to be um and all they can really say is like it's small it seems early it seems contained but they don't really know until they do whatever surgery that you're having. So I went through the process of finding a surgeon, which was really my friend, Meredith, who had breast cancer four years ago. And like her mom has had it and her sister's had it.

And she was like, just meet my surgeon. You don't have to choose her, but I want you to meet meet her she's the chief of breast surgery at the dubin breast center and i was like well i like the sound yeah breast center breast center and i like the i like the the boss like i want to go to that person sure yeah yeah yeah and like give me the best of the best um give me the chief so i met her and she was great and then you have to find and i was also i was like i want a bilateral mastectomy like i walked into the room being like that's what i want what's it okay so explain to us what that is so that means that you are removing all breast tissue from both breasts even if one is fine um So some people just remove one. Yeah.

And get that one reconstructed. Yeah. And like the reconstructive surgeon then tries to match the other one. But now, oh God, so many questions. But when you get it in one breast, I guess I just assume the other one's just as likely to get it as well. Do some people, it is contained to one breast and the other breast is fine their whole life? Yeah, like that can be the case. Like I know another woman who had it in both breasts at the same time, two different kinds.

Jesus Christ. I know. I know. And I, you know, they say that it doesn't, they give you like all these different percentages of like the likelihood of it recurring. And so they say that it's not that big of a difference. But I was like, why, if I know it went wrong on the left side, like, why just leave a ticking time bomb there for the right side? And also have to go through mammograms every year and more than the... The dread. The dread. Yes, yeah. And I'd have to do it more than your average person with breasts

because the other one had cancer. So they'd be like, well, we got to look at the right one all the time. And for a while, you'd have one boob. I feel like it would fuck up your balance a little bit. It can. I mean, I didn't have a lot to begin with. So, like, for me, it was not that different. I woke up and I was like, this is the same view, honestly.

Is breast cancer, is there any correlation between size? Is the more breast, the more likely something's going to develop? Or is it totally irrelevant? It's irrelevant. I think it's a matter of the bigger the more breasts, the more likely something's going to develop. Or is it totally irrelevant? It's irrelevant. I think it's a matter of the bigger the boob, like it could be harder to find, you know, like to clinically like feel it.

So for once it's good. It's good because they're like, it's just right there. But that was the other, the other thing when I was like, I want a bilateral mastectomy. And the surgeon was like, I respect you.

Like, this is fine. Also, she's like, when it comes to getting like a good, clean margin, because they always need to take out healthy tissue also she's like when it comes to getting like a good clean margin because they always need to take out healthy tissue she's like it could even though it's small but like as are your breasts so it could actually distort and you would need like a plastic surgeon to do a little bit of reconstruction anyway even if they did oh Oh, yeah. Breast conserving surgery. Oh, OK. I see. Because she was like, you are just small to begin with.

So I was like, I want both gone. And she told me what she had to tell me about, like, you know, the light, it reducing any chance and the chance of recurrence not being that big on the other whatever. And I was like, OK, great. Thanks for thanks for sharing. Yeah. I still want both gone. And so she was like, great, for thanks for sharing yeah um i still want both gone and so she was like great fine do you want to do reconstruction that's a different surgeon so you have to find like a different how much time needs to go between these two things um

everyone's a little different i guess some people will like some people get to keep their nipples i was not one of those people how could you you take the take the boob, but you, they put the nipple back on? I guess. I'm actually not sure. Or they like take it out around it. I don't know how, but some people can. My tumor was too close. So my surgeon was like, I don't really feel comfortable leaving your nipple.

I think it needs to go. Did they offer you could keep the one nipple of the one where the tumor was not i asked but then it goes back into someone having to try to like mirror it like then i'd have like one fake one and one real one and like so i was like you're taking both right like i just want to start from scratch yeah yeah yeah and she was like yeah no if you lose if you if we take one we just just take both. Sure. Cause I was like, I just want the, like now I just want my reconstructive surgeon. I'm like, just build the breasts of my dreams. Like this is our chance, Dr. Spittani. Like we can do this.

Um, so the day after I met my breast surgeon, she recommended two reconstructive surgeons to me and one works out of network only. And I was like, I'm going to try not to pick that guy yeah that sounds expensive um but then she had really good things to say about someone who was in network and I met him and he was great and so um at the end of the appointment I was like okay so what are next like what are next steps like who do I tell like what what do I do um and he was like well if you choose me or whoever you choose you would then tell your breast surgeon and our offices will find a date and I was like oh no oh no no like it's you like it's you yeah like let's do this

um and so by the next day they had scheduled my surgery so um that was mid-april and then my surgery was may 10th when you pick these people like are you looking at reviews online do they have pictures of the reconstructed boob um i think they do so he so for the for the other for the surgeon who like takes it away and as a surgeon who's like very concerned about getting the cancer. So I guess like I don't the cancer is gone, but we'll see what else I have to do to keep it gone. But so that surgeon, I just trusted my friend who was like, this woman is amazing. And I was like, great. You're still alive. So that's a good testimony.

Yeah, I think I think I believe you. yeah i think uh i think i believe you um and then this guy it was actually that friend meredith who was like okay let me see his credentials before i send you into this appointment yeah and she reviewed his credentials and she was like you're allowed to see this person um and from there i just sort of went with like a vibe sure yeah as long as that's how you yeah yeah i was like i don't really know how to do this like i don't know how to pick someone to rebuild my boobs. So at the end of the day, if someone says, yeah, he has all of the credentials that you want someone to have, I'm just going to go off of a vibe. So that was a man? It was a man, yeah, which was a surprising pick for me, an aggressive feminist.

I was like, I don't know, but I guess if he's in network, I'll give him a go. Yeah. But you're not looking at pictures of their work or is that part of he i didn't before i met him because it happened really fast my my breast surgeon was said i'll have my office call his office be on the lookout for a call and then his office was like can you come in today yeah so i didn't look them up beforehand but then when I was in the office, then together we looked through his portfolio. Now let me ask you, because I do think there's a degree of, in myself, if I were to, I know this isn't exactly comparable, but if I were to have my penis removed and then a new one built, for the removal, I will be honest, I think I deep down would want a man. Just because I'm like,

you know how important this is to me, sir. Oh, you're saying. But for the reconstruction. You'd want a woman. I would want. So the gaze. For the reconstruction, I'd be down for anyone who,

I don't know. I just like. It was like their, you know, their genital of choice. Reconstruction. It's just such a thing where it's genital of choice. Reconstruction, it's just such a thing where it's medical, but it's also art.

It is art. I mean, it's art. You are building an aesthetic for someone. Yeah, it is art. Yeah. Would you have any... Is there anything in you?

You're getting your penis removed and the new one put on. Is there anything in you that's like, I do want a guy for this? Or a woman. No, I really think it would come down or non-binary specifically i think i would i need to see i need to see their their

portfolios and i would need to see some reviews yeah i guess if you listen of people but i would you would have to i said did you ever see any picture you must have seen pictures of what breasts look like reconstructed yes no together so when i was in his office together so obviously you're sick but even any anything online like you're seeing someone's best work um but we went over like the options there's something called flap surgery where you can actually take your own like fat tissue and put it in um but i don't have enough of that so he was like that's not an option for you. You can only do implants, and we can put them underneath the muscle

or over the muscle. We worked through that. Underneath? What's the difference between underneath and over? Apparently, post-op-wise, like a significant amount of pain because they can cut a muscle to put it under. So like, I know. I know.

So the edges don't, yeah, I guess maybe the edges of the implant don't show. But I was like, considering I'm going to have, like, mastectomy scars and no natural nipple, I think Kat's out of the bag a little bit on the fact that these aren't real. So I'm okay. Let's do over. And he is a big proponent of over the muscles. So you do not cut a muscle which means

like you can move your arms after surgery and dress yourself and do they have because honestly part of me would be like what does it feel like if i'm going to do this it's a lot of questions it's a lot of questions where i'd be like in the dream world i'd be like could one of your patients come in could i touch could i touch if you're gonna have it on your body yeah yeah yeah i you know i think there was a big part of me that was like i just like i just need to make these decisions yeah and like get the surgery scheduled and the only way you can do that but what i appreciated is he and like it's a different choice is good for everybody so anyone who has you know had under the muscle and is happy with it then that was the right choice for them but he would say it can get sort of like pictorial like sometimes

the muscle will move over the implant we watched a video of that and I was like I don't want that that's what I I do not want that um and so I went with his recommendation of of over the muscle and also you know i think it is nice to have a male surgeon for this as much as i love mostly seeing women sure doctors um because he he's wonderful so he didn't like push me to go up because at first i was like i love my natural body and i don't want to go up in size at all and i just want to rebuild what I, you know, what my mama gave me. And then by the time I got to surgery day, I was like, about that. Really?

Yeah, I was like, I was just rethinking it and he was like, he obviously has this conversation like 18 times a day. You think a lot of women are like, no, I'm not. And then the day before like, you know, but it's just the one. Just, just like, just I had some thoughts.

Because even that day when I was like, he said, you know, if you wanted to go up and you know, like if you want to go up drastically in size, that's a different conversation, but we could do it over the muscle. You could still go up in size. And I was like, no, no, no, no, no doctor. And then by the surgery day, I was like mean we can like the day of like the day because you don't do it's like a process you don't actually get the implants that day or i didn't um they put in tissue expanders so it's like very angular um but they put in tissue expanders and

then they inject saline over time so that your skin has time to like grow get ready so that's what i have currently that's what you have currently do you mind if i ask what your cup size was originally it was it was an a cup except for when i was on my period and then and then it spilled into a b a nice little b really yeah so so then i was like i think I want my period boobs. And all my women friends were like, 100%. We all do want that all the time. Yeah. Can I be honest? Yes.

I did not know boobs got bigger during a period. Really? You knew that? I think so. I didn't seem like you did. At least. I knew the milk. Definitely with milk.

We knew that. You knew the milk. I did not know period boobs was bigger. But it's a horm knew that. You knew the milk. I didn't know it was bigger. But it's a hormonal thing, so it would make sense. Yeah. You know. Sure. Nothing makes my dick bigger.

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move or not. With opening moves, you simply choose a question to be automatically sent to your matches. Then sit back and let your matches start the chat. Download Bumble and try it for yourself. Okay, so all right. I mean, it's very exciting. It could be a word, that you're doing this in the middle of all this. Yes. When did you have the surgery, the removal surgery? On May 10th. So three weeks ago, exactly. Yeah.

Two weeks ago. And leading up to it, were you like, bye? Oh, goodness, yes. My breasts got a photo shoot. Really? Yes, they have. I put some of it online, but obviously covering the nipples because Instagram will absolutely shut down a female nipple.

Insane. I also put my mastectomy on there because I was like, ha-ha, I don't have them anymore. You can't take this down. So I put some of that on. But yeah, with a really close photographer friend um actually a man someone i used to date i was like come take photos of my natural boobs and he was what kind of photo shoot are we was it like very serious was it very it was it was like playful uh-huh it was

very playful like probably not safe for work but not in like a way where it would maybe be on OnlyFans. Like it was still like classy. Yeah. Relatively. So I did that and then I threw a party for my boobs the Saturday before my surgery. So I had like 10 girlfriends and we got Jackie. Jackie got me a cake with boobs on it

that said thanks for the mammaries. Aww. Yeah. That's sweet. and balloons and everything and we all have us at this party too absolutely absolutely um no it was outside at art cafe but i did wear this shirt which is uh which i also wore on my surgery day um so yeah i really like i was sort of like goodbye but you, they were here for a good time. Not a long time. Were you not that were you emotional?

When you woke up, did you feel any? Was there any surprising thing to you? Like when you woke up about how you felt or or you kind of had really felt like you had processed and been able to like. had processed and been able to like yeah i mean at first i was like super upset because when i had breast cancer was when i was like oh i think i actually really like my natural boobs like it was like that kind of a thing where like you can always scrutinize and criticize your own body and then it's like oh it might have to go away and i was like wait but no i love it i think had a bit about like it was her boobs revenge on her for always like wanting bigger boobs yeah oh yeah we're out of here yeah that was such a great i was i wasn't there that night i was but i did see her shortly after

yeah she did that uh when i lived in la um yeah that was that whole yeah the whole thing was amazing yeah um so i but by the time it actually happened i had like mostly worked through it but then of course like i took like a 40 minute shower the last shower that because a i knew i was after surgery you can't shower right away so i was like i gotta get this in yeah gross but then i was like bye natural boobs like this is our last hurrah um but by the time i woke up and again, like I wasn't that big. So I have a friend, Jackie and I both have a friend and like each of her breasts weighs 15 pounds. We weighed them.

And so I think she probably has like a certain view like when she wakes up in the morning. That is not something I had so when I woke up in the recovery area um you know there was like gauze peeking out of like these very specific mastectomy bras that you have but I was like okay I mean that's more or less what what I walked in with especially with the gauze sort of as like the perhaps psychological buffer if nothing else um but then when i once i was in my room you know some nurse came in to like check and make sure everything was okay with like specifically the the surgical area and she was like well were you ready to look now or did you want to wait and i was like let's just do this let's do it and i looked down but i had desensitized myself. Like I looked up tons of photos of mastectomy scars.

Sure. So like, it just was like, okay, this is like what it is. And it's also temporary. I think if this was permanent, I would be in a very different place than if I, if, because that's not what I want. Some people choose not to reconstruct, but because I was like, oh no, no, no, no. I want boobs. I don't want these ones.

I don't want the cancerous ones yeah yeah but i do excuse me i'm choking on my own saliva um i do want boobs so i think if this was permanent i probably would have been like a mess but knowing that it wasn't i was just like okay it's gonna be a different kind of a hot girl summer that we're having in 2022. I think you handled it well. I just think if I, again, I know penis is not the same, but first of all, there'd be no party with my guys. There'd be no penis party. If I was getting my penis removed,

you wouldn't see me for a month. You wouldn't see me until right before the surgery. I don't think there'd be any sort of like, no, I want to keep it the same size. Right. You'd be like, how big can it go? The day before you're like, okay, I want it seven inches longer.

I would bet there's no, there's few guys. Yeah. Oh, that's so funny. Yeah, I guess I'd have to ask around because I'd probably go too far i'd be like seven i think most people would i mean if it was a common thing happening i feel like men would want to consult men like i think the doctors would be like no you can't like you know like you can't or they would be like have you spoken if you're with a woman like have you spoken to the woman in your life about that because that might be terrifying for her whereas for us I feel like mostly you can just be like you can go big and

people are like yes yeah for you um so then okay so you you got that then how many days later did you do this saline thing so that it's um like a three minimum process. So he did a little. So basically both of your surgeons are there and there's the surgeon who's taken it all away. And then sort of as she moves, like she did the left breast because that was the one that like had to go. And then when she moved over to the right breast, that's when the reconstructive surgeon started putting in the tissue expanders. Wow. So these are two different hospitals, offices. Yeah. And one's coming to the other expanders. Wow. So these are two different hospitals, offices. Yeah.

And one's coming to the other. Like they, that's really two. I guess I'm surprised that there's not more both. Like it's weird that they both don't exist in the same company. Right. I guess, yeah, I guess like the breast center, I guess breast centers, there's so many of them. But the one, like i guess their whole focus

is like treating the cancer removing the cancer all of that and so then they have reconstructive surgeons they work with but at least in my experience yeah they're not in-house but through like dubin is with mount sinai my reconstructive surgeon is with mount sinai but like not the same location so yeah um yeah so like their teams had to find a date that both of them had available for the surgery um yeah so like he put the tissue expanders in and then i think the other surgeon closed me up i don't know i was blissfully um yeah sleeping on anesthesia and uh and he did a little tiny bit of saline and expansion and does that mean does it look like there's something there there's something there it's super angular it's like

very bizarre um and at first it really didn't he was like i did a little bit but you probably won't be able to tell like it'll probably look pretty flat but like that's you know all temporary um but then last week he did more. And I was like, okay, there's like a little bit of something. But it's tissue spindle. So there's like angular edges on either side, which is, I'm like, is that just here for the whole time? Or is that eventually going to, like, fill out? Oh, I see. Because then there's, at some point, saline in it.

I don't know about that yet. But it's, so it's like there's something there, but they do not look like boobs. Yeah. Maybe in a sports bra they look like boobs, but, like, they do not. So, and then when is, when is the, what is this? What is it called the full reconstruction reconstruction um tbd it kind of depends basically what he said when i was like maybe i do want to go bigger he was like basically we can just fill do the saline until we get you to a size that you say this is

the size i want to be yeah um with the saline itself before yeah Yeah. So it just makes it so if you do it too fast, cause you do have to lose skin. So you don't have like excess skin or at least I didn't. Yeah. To handle an immediate implant. But this is better in a way because now I can really, I can actually just like get to some size that I decide one day is like, yeah,

this is it. This is it. Rather than having to make the. Sure. Like make the call beforehand and then be like, I hope this is.. This is it. Rather than having to make the sure. Like, yeah. Forehand. And then be like, I hope this is,

do you think it'd be a tough decision to make? Do you think you'll, you'll hit that B and then go like, I know, but like maybe a little bigger. Yeah. I get a certain point. He's going to be like,

you can't like, we've reached the max that we can do over the muscle. Um, so we'll see. I think I told him what I wanted. And so he'll probably get me there and then at that point he'll be like yes or no like bigger is this it but it also depends on so i don't know yet if i need chemotherapy so if i do when do you when would you know that like do

they have to wait for a while after the like yeah my because it was stage one so yeah it was early um they're not super like rushing me to the oncologist but i have an appointment june 8th so but that would mean that you would only need chemotherapy if there's cancer elsewhere elsewhere no it would be sort of a safeguard like let's make sure we've like fully knocked this out let's kind of make sure we don't allow it to return um so that's kind of up in the air i should i mean i i meet with the guy next wednesday but i don't know if how are they going to test though they're going to take more biopsy or or they're just they just decide based on they're the specialist and they just yeah they sort of just decide based on what kind you have like but when they stop when would they stop the

chemotherapy if there was nothing present at the moment it's more like okay so it's her to my kind is her to negative hormone positive but it's not like 90 hormone positive so then it's like well so it's not just hormones that we're feeding it. We don't know what else is feeding it. Um, I also have, it turns out a genetic mutation that isn't BRCA, the one that everyone knows about, like the Angelina Jolie one, but, um, is like a moderate increased risk. So then it's sort of, so they like weigh all of these options and then they tell you essentially like your chance of recurrence based on what we know from this pathology is like 15 percent. Chemo would take it down to five.

Oh, OK. So then you're like, OK, well, that makes sense to do. But if they're like it's 15 percent, chemo takes it down to 12. You're like, sure. Yeah. How long would the chemo be? I don't know because I I know that for a lot of breast cancer patients it's a couple months like it's every other week but i don't know if it's because my you know i this is me being like

maybe because it was early and it's taken out like it would be shorter so i'm not really sure and then one last question i have about these the the the fake nipples yeah these are made of what because it's your skin your skin would be over your boob the implants yes what's the nipple made out of so for now not right now because i'm still healing but until reconstruction there are prosthetic like silicone nipples that you can just sort of stick on if you want that they're just like glue like sticky kind of you just glue them right on like oh shit where'd it go and it's like i know i can't wear them yet but yeah like they the glue lasts for like a week and then you just reapply i know you can swim it and i have pasties and they stay on for a week three minutes so well i'll i can share this glue with you if you're sure sure but then when they do the implant

what kind of thing are they putting in so the implant for actually like making a breast shape is um it's silicone but it's not like the silicone it's not like your mother's silicone implants it's like a gummy bear thing so it can't rupture like they used to. Oh, God. But the nipple itself would not be... The nipples, I think they just sort of construct it with scar tissue. Would you have any sensation in that nipple? That is gone. Oh, wow.

Yeah, you don't have any sensation at all. This underarm is dead. Your whole boob? Oh, yeah. Yeah, like when he was filling the saline last week, he was like, you know, knowing that I wasn't going to feel the needle go in. But it is bizarre because like a needle goes in

and you're like, I feel nothing. Is that, see, now that feels like a loss, obviously. I mean. That is a bummer. That's a bummer. Like the lack of sensation, because it can sometimes come, see now that feels like a loss obviously i mean that is a bummer that's a bummer like the the lack of sensation because it can sometimes come the nerves can maybe regenerate eventually for the skin but it's not like you have a fun nipple and yeah like that is forever and that's something

like as a man i feel like i will never know exactly what that is. Right. Like there's like a little bit of a tickle, you know, but it's, it seems like it's different based on a reaction. Right. Right. That I, that I,

that I just will never, I just don't even know what it is. Yeah. There's no way for me to know. Yeah. And it's, there's no way to even know. You will never have a female nipple.

No. It's like nice. It's nice when it gives a, you know. A little twist. Yeah, it's definitely different. Yeah. I could never like, oh, you know, from just the nipple. I mean.

Right, right. And it's different for all women. But I definitely like had super sensitive nipples and they were super fun. So I at least I enjoyed them for the time that i had them but yeah that is a bummer because that is like that's gone that'll never come back even for women who get to keep their nipples like it's just the aesthetic like the first girl i ever made out with in high school pretty sure she said she like we made out for a little it was like the first like big makeup yeah and then she said something about she said she was leaving she's like always leave them wanting more and then she said something

along the lines of like sometimes i like after make out to get my nipples sucked and like i was at the age i was like that's sound like we could we do that we do that right now we did and then that's when she said always leave them wanting more wow wow i was not that cool in high school she really knew what she liked yeah yeah pretty young and i was just i mean i was just like i'll do it anything you want um well that's that sucks yeah that definitely sucks yeah i knew it going in like that's something i knew before so it's not like i woke up and i was like everything yes so thank god i knew that before and i was like well all right like this is unfortunate i would prefer to live without nipple sensation than like not live we like die with nipple sensation i don't answer this if you don't want to okay

as with all questions of this podcast will you like okay back to my back to mine uh of my penis being removed yeah you know i'm gonna i'm gonna try to get out there oh yeah i'm gonna try to get out there before yes you know and if i gotta call bex's to you know oh no that's what i did you did yeah yeah that's what i did yeah yeah of course no i was like we gotta get back out there and you want to get you. And you want the last hurrah to be someone who knows exactly what you're into. Sure. Yes. Because then you don't have to be like, you have no time to waste.

You can't waste explaining to a new person. Sure. Like, you just need someone who knows where to go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so that is what I did. I was like, we got to get a couple of rounds in. Can I say as a man, if I was ever asked, you know, hey, you're the last go-round, that's a lot of pressure.

Yeah. I mean, you know, I'm... Yeah. I don't know if I want that responsibility. I mean, that's a lot. That's a lot. Say, you know, you're the last one. You're the last one to...

Yeah, I was not the first mastectomy patient for this particular ex so yeah goodness yeah he had more experience with breast cancer than i did yeah that's so funny so he was like yeah yes i'm like the perfect person for this and i was like you are that's why i called you oh my god there should be a guy that he special in like, listen, for the last go around, I know my way around a pair of tits. Well, that's nice. Yeah.

Yeah. So it was good. Yeah. No, I was definitely like, we got to enjoy ourselves for this last couple of weeks. Because I could see many phases in my life where if I was getting my penis removed, like I couldn't, I wouldn't be able to find someone. Like, I just don't think that that would necessarily I think it's a little bit tougher.

I could call my ex and be like, hey, listen, I know we didn't end on great terms. I'm getting my penis removed. I think there's something. I really need this. I really need this. I just don't think I'd get the same response level. I don't know. I think any ex of mine, if I were

single, could call and say, hey, I need one last go around with my tits. I think any ex of mine, if I were single, could call and say, hey, I need one last go around with my tits. I'd be like, I'm there. Right.

I'm flying. I would fly for it. You're like, booking a ticket. I don't think anyone's flying for my tits. I don't know how I feel about that. I don't think anyone's flying.

I don't know how I feel about that. I said, it's always another picture. I don't think anyone's taking a subway from Queens. I feel like for this, I think I'm going to have to go to them. For whatever reason.

If you'll come over, maybe. For whatever reason, it feels not as fun with the penis. Do you know what I mean? Like, it feels like I would feel pressure if I was the woman. I'd be like, I don't know. Like, something's going wrong down there. Like, you know, like, You should just get it fixed. What a bitch.

No, no, no, no. I just mean it feels different. I don't know why. Where it's like the literal part with the cancer is like in. Going in. Maybe that's why. Maybe that's why. Yeah.

You'd be like, don't worry, you can't catch it this way. No, I know, I know, I know. It's not rational. It's not very healthy, what I'm thinking. I think depending on the ex, there are some exes if they were like, even before this, if they were like, look, I have to have my penis removed in three weeks.

I think, do you know what it is? I think it's because it doesn't happen. It sounds like a fake reason to have sex with someone. I'm getting my penis removed. Like, like, and then replaced. Like, it just sounds like. If I had a nickel

for every guy who is having his penis removed. I needed one last hurrah. Yeah. Yeah. I just feel like you, again, this is a broad assumption.

You like the dick because you like the person it's attached to. Whereas. Right. You like the tits. Just because they're there. Period. Yeah.

Yeah. I just think aesthetically. Yeah. People aren't showing off their dicks as frequently as they're showing off their tits. You're not like emotionally attached to the, maybe sometimes eventually, but you're not necessarily like emotionally attached to the tits. You're just like, they're there. They're great.

They're fun. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Um, well, are you, I, the chemo is obviously very stressful. Are you excited for, to get these, these. I'm thrilled about getting new boobs.

Like that's super fun. That's why those appointments are so like, they're honestly so fun. Cause it's a very convenient location to me. Yeah. Um, so super easy to get to. And like the, the entire,

no part of the appointment is like about the cancer. It's all just like, yeah, let's build you new boobs. And I'm like, yes, this is super fun. Like I wouldn't have chosen augmentation,

which isn't a judgment to anyone who does. It wasn't for me, but I was like, well now that it's been thrust upon me, like, yeah, let's do this. Like,

let's see how big of boobs I want to have now. So that part's super fun. Yeah. Um, are you shopping other than getting show shirts that are specific to this? Like, are you like, I'm not going to shop for anything new right now.

Are you building your wardrobe? No boob wardrobe i'm trying to well at first you actually have to wear like button downs only and it's a whole thing because you can't like lift your arms above your head um so it was a real opportunity to like and also i have like surgical drains still attached to my body that have to like hide out somewhere. So it was a real opportunity to like get to know my wardrobe in a new way and like put together outfits. And it was like, I guess this accomplishes my goals of I can put it on and there's somewhere for the drains to go. So I haven't I'm trying to stay stay within i don't aside from this particular shirt i don't have a ton of tight fitting clothing so i'm trying to stay within the clothes i already have like i don't want to go so big that all of a sudden my clothes don't fit sure so i have like prosthetic ones because you can buy these like bras that are like cute and lacy but for mastectomy

patients and you can like insert a fake boob in it so i'm like where not today but i'm like wearing those around what cup size are those those are like a medium b a medium b so like on top of my natural breasts because i like wore them out a few times i like took them for a spin yeah um i was like oh this is perfect but so it was like probably a little obviously a little bigger than what they actually are because they were at that point sitting on top of sure sure he had um so as long as it's like that size ish then i know that all my clothes still fit and it's still bigger than what i had is there a specific store for like those kinds of bras or are they like because i've it turns out there was some women who i feel like they're wearing those bras and they didn't have a mastectomy right they're just they're just trying to make a boobs yeah

yeah when we hooked up for a second i was like oh no where'd they go they're on the floor and listen it's all good it's just there's a moment of surprise sure you have no idea yeah if you have no idea and you go to the bedroom and they take off their legs, there's a moment of, oh, I didn't know. Right. I didn't know. And it would have been nice. It's fine.

I was worried. I made a face for a second. Right. It's shocking. It's shocking. It's shocking. And anything is suddenly like not there. Yeah.

When you were given like when someone had a really good push a bra with padding and you were like okay i think i know what's gonna happen here and then you're like oh god no not at all yeah and it's fine but yeah it's different um so these i mean with i put my photos of my mastectomy on the internet so anyone who is trying to date me hopefully has done enough Google stalking that they are like, wow, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But there are so many stores that are specific to making cute, sexy, like, bras and swimwear for people who have had mastectomies. And they're also not cheap, but it's kind of worth it. What are they called? Do they have fun names?

Like, not really. kind of worth it what are they called they have fun names like um like not really like one is called stage um stage which is super super on the nose like cancer centric um and then there's a few that just have random names that you're like that's probably just like the person's name maybe yeah um so yeah they have it and then there's one that's literally called mastectomy shop so they they pop up on the Google search. Right, no, really good SEO. Yeah, that's true, that's true. They were like, we're not even going to pretend to be like a brand.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, no. That would be like for the penis one if they, where'd your dong go? Story. All right, well, let's go on to our next segment. This has got to stop. This has got to stop. Now, listen, this's go on to our next segment. This has got to stop. This has got to stop. Now, listen, this can be related to this.

If there's some element of this whole thing that you're like, this is not well done. Or at all anything unrelated to. Yeah. You know. I mean, I am someone with a lot of complaints in general. Then share. But specific to this, I think what i think has to stop is there's the whole like uh like every russell what the fuck man oh i did this yeah you did you you

fucking play it with your ocd it's on video but just give it to me okay i'm putting it down i'm putting it down for those of you listening to the podcast, Russell just broke something. I know mine. This has got to stop. Dramatically. So, yeah, what I think has got to stop is there's this whole thing, especially every October. October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month or Breast Health Awareness Month.

It might be both. Where they're like, save the ta-tas. And it occurred to me when I found out on my mother's birthday that i had breast cancer i was like i'm more interested in saving myself like why are we trying to save the boobs and why are we calling them tatas like i have so many so many when did they say save this because i remember breast cancer it is such a big thing remember the, it's the only bow I know is the pink. I know the yo play lids. Oh, right.

But when do they say this? In October, save the tatas. You've never seen save the tatas? Save the tatas. No, I don't like that at all. No, it's terrible. It's terrible for so many reasons. We're using like a weird nickname because we're afraid to say breasts.

Yeah, boobs or breasts. Breasts is a tough word, by the way. Breasts. It's true. But you can tough word, by the way. Breasts. It's true. But you can also say, I feel like boobs is acceptable. Tata's is not. Tata's isn't it. That implies like fun, cheerleader, like something, it feels like rah-rah.

And it feels like something like only high school boys refer, like that's like the terminology they use to refer. I don't think I've ever called, I've said titties. When I was like in middle school, like filling out Mad Libs, jugs was big. Jugs, yeah. Jugs was definitely a term. But tits. If I was talking to you, or more Russell, me, he's always like, look at the tits on that broad. And I'm like, Russell.

That is really. And I said, look at the tatas on that lady. But tits. Tits is the one that I said, look at the tatas on that lady. But tits. Tits is the one that I'm most comfortable with. Yeah. But does feel a little bit like a curse word if I was like around kids. And if you were talking about specifically like breast cancer, you probably would be like, save those tits. And I think.

Save the tits. Save the tits. And I think tatas, tits, jugsugs, they're all in the same plane of nickname. And so, A, Tata's, I'm like, why are we doing, we're all adults here. I think we can just use the term. But also, it's such a focus on saving the boobs, like saving the part that is appreciated by patriarchy instead of maybe start with saving the

woman and if if the boobs can be saved like great um but maybe like the focus shouldn't should be on like the the patient like the woman the human being with the boobs um who is trying to stick around versus like let's make sure we save all the boobs out all the boobs we want to save them all yeah um so i never really thought much about it i was never like walking around being like save the tatas but it kind of like hit me one day i was like i don't like that at all yeah i feel like most people in your position would not like that either yeah i feel like it's like you'd notice the march is all men save the tatas it's just like a march on washington to save the tatas all men

um i like that one fitness has got to stop yeah me too i mean breast cancer is it's they raise a lot of money for it they do they do they do a lot of money for it. They do. They do. They do a lot of research. Yeah. Like, it's one of the more researched, which is good. What's the percentage of men that get it? I don't know. It's definitely, like, possible, though. It's, like, men should also do self-exams.

Men have breast tissue. I'll faint if I try to do it right now. You think you'd feel it? No, I'm just, like, you know me. I hear, like, we've had a couple medical episodes and i am always like very close to like just passing out i'm the same the same way i get so fearful of i guess dying but i don't know i love i love you at home tonight like late at night three a.m you're looking in your bathroom and you're like

like looking up how to do a self exam. Oh, no, I won't Google any of that. I mean, it would just send me. You'd spiral. Yeah. I'm the same way, though. That's why I think my brain broke a little when something actually happened. Yeah, you're like, oh, I've been so worried about any of these things and I don't feel the way.

It doesn't sound like you're like not like fainting or panicking or like oh this is the reality yeah it's always almost like whatever your imagination is like usually hopefully right hopefully worse than what can and also i think i spent so many decades like pre-stressing about it because i was like surely i'm gonna go to the doctor someday and like something really wrong is gonna happen and so then when it did i was like okay well i've i've spent a long time preparing for this moment here it is yeah um because normally i'm like you or like i i mean the times i've gone to the dermatologist for like a speck of dirt and i'm like i just i don't know i think it's i think it's new. And I think it should probably come off. And they're like, no, I think it's just a little bit of dirt.

I think it's a hair follicle. Like, you're fine. You're fine. It's never going to be the thing you think it is. No. And that should give the real thing. That should give us all pause. Well, let's go to our final segment.

You better count your blessing this is a very similar kind of to i think one of the last blessings i did but so it's in the same world and i feel like i just want to say to people i'm not an anti-social person i like talking to people i like seeing people um if you are listening and we run into each other i would love to talk to you but has this been a rumor going around no no no talk about it like i one day i hope we have like a reddit well i was gonna say i'm like is there a reddit about russell's like i i read that i read it unfriendly um no no so no i think it's because the last thing i said was like i ran into Russell. No, no. So, no, I think it's because the last thing I said was like I ran into someone I knew. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And we, you know, the coffee thing. Yeah. So we didn't have to ride the train together. And it was nice because I wanted to listen to music. Oh, but that's the worst. Yeah. So this similar, similar energy. I was at the fair in upstate New York.

The regatta. And I saw someone I knew from like a high school situation. Uh-huh. And I saw someone I knew from like a high school situation. And I also saw a former teacher and I was glad to say hi to her real quick. That was great. But I saw this guy and it was one of those things where like we weren't close. We didn't really know each other that well.

But it was like both of us caught eyes and both of us like were like, we don't need to we don't need to like stop and do this. And it was great because I think we both saw it. But then I think we both pretended we didn't see it. Do you know, like we both caught eyes and then we're like, you know, you just look up again and then you're like, and then you just go in a direction not near there.

And I, we didn't have to do that thing. Cause I was like, I really had been since high school. What are we going to say? And it wasn't, it wasn't mean or anything. It wasn't because I could tell all it took was one second and I could tell he felt the same thing.

He didn't want to talk to me either. So it was really nice. It was like good. Good on us. I just think it's funny that Good on everyone I keep running into and I'm telling myself that they don't want to hang out either.

I think it's funny that you spent the weekend with your nephew and niece. Nephew. Two nephews. Two nephews. That you spent the weekend with your beautiful, young, curious nephews and your blessing was a person who didn't talk to you okay listen because i could easily say the blessing of like getting to spend time with my nephews i love my

nephews but i felt like you'd be like oh like you'd make fun of me for being like a genuine nice person that's what this segment is for. No, but I felt like, okay, so I've had genuine things before that are like, oh great. You're thankful for your wife,

you know? And, and, and you're like, you've made fun of me for it. No, if you said a specific thing, if you said like,

my wife's tatas, I would say, okay, that's specific. you know, kind of like in, you know, so,

but no, yeah, I'm thankful for my goddamn nephews, John Marco. Thank you. I will say that I'm thankful. Well, I did the Rogue Island Comedy Festivals in Rhode Island, Newport, Rhode Island. Apparently the hotel, one of the venues burned down, but it was still a really lovely time. Doug Key, who ran it, you did a great job. He definitely doesn't listen.

Doug Key is this, I did a show, it was for a sex community. And it was like, not a sex club. This one was more like inclusive. So, and I ran into this, the reason I got on on it this was like pre-COVID I ran into this guy he's a comedian and I was like oh my god

are you on the comedy show too and he was like no and I was like ew and he's a member of the community he was just there for like sex and

yeah it's not that's not my bag it's a lot to find out about someone yeah yeah well I mean but then immediately

you're like well can I watch whatever but then immediately you're like, well, can I watch whatever you do? Not because I... Immediately. You're just curious. Okay, okay, okay. You run into me at a sex club and you're performing one of your characters.

You're performing laundry, the laundry sketch for a sex club and you see me and Tova there. Yeah. And like Tova and I are like in the corner. You're not going to glance over? Oh no, I'm going to watch it.

You're going to watch the whole thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're going to see what's up. You're going to watch the whole thing. Yeah. I think you'd watch anyone,

you know? Yeah. Like who, like you could name your, you know, whoever. What are you about to say? I heard a mm.

Like I was going to say mail woman. Like mail woman? If you was saying, male woman, male woman. If you're like your male woman, he was at somewhere, a club about to have sex. You'd be like, I guess I'll watch that. I know.

Sure. Do you know what I mean? Fucking perfect. Do you have a blessing you want to share? Uh, yeah, it's not this. Um,

I will, I will go heartfelt. Yeah. Well, two things. So I'm going to have two blessings. I think I'm allowed. So my first blessing is I'm really blessed to see who is actually in my life a piece of shit by how they respond or don't respond. And then all of the wonderful people who are surprisingly incredible, which is great.

And then... Don't respond, like didn't write like... No, like no one owes me like a novel about like how sorry they are. But there's people who are like, oh no. Anyway, so back to my really trivial problem. Sure, sure, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And you kind of like maybe know who those people are but it's great to have confirmation to be like okay good you can no longer this is a great time for me to just stop replying to you sure sure yeah yeah yeah yeah so that that was a big blessing and even though you have to like get confirmation that like someone is shitty you're like well okay there it is like now i can now i have a perfect excuse to end this friendship and then the other thing is like as much as i was bitching to myself about like the traffic in the city and everything on the way here um we have the best doctors so if you're gonna get something really bad that's true it is good

to get like sick with cancer in New York City. Yeah. Because you have just so many options. We're not a great, we're a rough city. Things are rough. Subway sucks. Rats. But our doctors, if you get breast cancer.

Oh, well, we have to do our plugs. Oh, oh, oh, my God. I was going to push the button. You were about to push the button. Well, it was a good thing. That is good. It was a good button. And also, I have to jump on a thing in two minutes.

Okay, what do you need to plug? Anything you don't want to plug? This is coming out June 21st. No, I don't know what happens in the future. I don't have any shows. Go take the call in my room. All right. Can you put the close away?

Oh, yeah. Okay. Okay, go to your call. Anything you'd like to plug? This is coming out June 21st. June 21st June 21st Or just your general anything Just follow me on Instagram

And hopefully by June 21st Something is worth plugging Sure Say the handle one more time It's so not phonetic C-A-I-L-E-I-G-H-S-C-O-T-T Yes For me guys Lots of shows coming up C-A-I-L-E-I-G-H-S-C-O-T-T Yes For me, guys

Lots of shows coming up I'm going to be at Bonkers At a casino in Orlando July 9th I did not come up with a name July 14th to 16th That will be Denver, Colorado And July 22nd and 23rd

I'm in Toronto First time headlining in I was going to say the Windy City I don't know if that's Toronto That's Chicago July 22nd and 23rd, I'm in Toronto. First time headlining in, I was going to say the Windy City. I don't know if that's Toronto. That's Chicago. Okay, and again, find me online. Oh, also, we're going to have our live Downside podcast recording

August 14th. This is at 6 to 7.30 p.m. Russell will be there, and it's followed by The Silver Lining, the sister show to this. So you can come see me for three hours if you want to or just come to the live podcast taping. If you're a listener, feel free to DM and Instagram.

We'll get you free tickets to that. And otherwise, I guess I'd like to, we'd like to end this thing negative and I try to wrap it up but I you know New York City the city with the best

breast cancer doctors in the world best in the world but a lot of other terrible things if you want this is the downside one

two three downside downside downside Downside. Downside. Downside.